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AITA for telling people the truth that my ex and I were never married?	i was going to marry my child's mother at one point, it just didn't happen. at the wedding, i did one of those "groom leaves the bride for a second to fake consult with their friends" bits. she freaked out, had an entire panic attack, and left to shut herself in a room. she has always had problems with anxiety, but i honestly didn't realize that this would be a problem. i regret doing that and see now that it was cruel, but i can't redo the past. by the time she had recovered, gotten her makeup redone, and gotten through vows, there was time for either pictures or signing the marriage license. we chose pictures, thinking we could just get it done the next day, but pictures had to happen because our families were leaving town. the next day didn't happen as it was the weekend, but neither did the next week. we had to delay our honeymoon to take her to the hospital for severe stomach pain. she found out that she was almost 4 months pregnant. our child was born and is healthy, but that surprise pushed getting those papers done on the back burner. she started to push to get the legal part done, but we were having problems and i was scared we wouldn't last so i gave excuses. our problems broke us up. our child is now almost 4 and we are coparenting well. our families know the truth, but its kind of treated as "close enough". i could play along for them, but my ex has apparently convinced herself that we were married and that's she's not some "never married single mom". she's even telling people that she's dating that she is divorced. it's not a huge city, so when i ran into someone that she's just started dating, i clarified that i am not her ex husband because we were never married. i'm not going to pretend i was married to her when i wasn't to anyone. if her family wants to pretend that's their business, but i don't have to go along with the lie. she claims that i'm "ruining her reputation and making her life worse". i'm just being honest.	3,368	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6rnpx/aita_for_telling_people_the_truth_that_my_ex_and/	2020-10-07 14:18:18	yta dude. you had a wedding. you said vows. that’s marriage. sure you didn’t sign the paperwork so you’re free to say you never “technically” got married, and perhaps you’re able to shirk some financial responsibility because of that, but how dare you gaslight her and say you never got married when you had a wedding. oh and it sounds like you were a huge asshole at the wedding too. glad she’s not with you anymore.	yta > i'm just being honest. ah, the traditional mating call of the yellow-bellied asshole. if you were really being honest, you'd say, "yeah, we were as good as married, except we never got around to signing the paperwork because i couldn't be bothered to make it a priority." of course, then you probably wouldn't get any second dates, so i can see why you're conveniently leaving that bit out.	> there was time for either pictures or signing the marriage license. info: were you handwriting out the marriage license in calligraphy? because otherwise this timeline makes no sense, and i'm going to have to senator vreenak this post. second question, if you're so against pretending, why did you pretend to have second thoughts during the ceremony?	yta - in the eyes of the law, you possibly did marry her. (you’d need to speak with a family lawyer licensed in your particular state on this.) in the eyes of everyone else, you definitely married her because you had a wedding and said your vows. what are you trying to prove by saying you were never married? (edited)	yta just all around an asshole. why are you trying to embarrass your ex even more? she dodged a fucking bullet by never marrying you and hopefully someday she is well enough to be proud of that.	yta did you gaslight her like this during your marriage, too? you were married. you had a wedding. you presented yourself as a married man to the world. you never once said, while married, that you weren't really married, i imagine. but now you want to say you never married simply to contradict your ex-wife and potentially make her panic, looking like the crazy one again? aren't you charming! the license means less than nothing. want to know who pulled this "never technically married" crap? mick jagger when he divorced jerry hall. they had a balinese ceremony without a license. do you think that worked? nope. jerry got her huge settlement for being married to mick and having 4 kids. take note.	yta. i don't see what you gain from this.	technically correct is usually the best kind of correct. it ain't in this situation. yta, op. go to the corner and think about what you've done.	yta this seems like you conned her into this bizarre psuedo marriage when you never had the intention of actually marrying her. this is victorian tragic novel sleezy villain level stuff. i was an officient at a wedding once, you know how long it took to do the papers? about 10 seconds to sign them, and then five minutes to stuff them in an envelope and drop them in the mail. you had four years of her trying to get you to sign, and you flaking out with excuses, while enjoying the accoutrements of marriage. you guys literally had a wedding, literally said vows. if it was a church wedding, you're religiously considered married in your faith. in most cultures, you'd be considered married for having publicly declared it in front of witnesses. you then behaved like married people afterwards. i imagine you kept the gifts? at any point in those 4 years did you call her wife, or did she ever call you husband, and you didn't say "wait, wait, wait, no, we're not married!"? did she change her name? considering how much you jerked this woman around, (your wedding "prank" was unbelievably, breathtakingly cruel) and that you were married in every single way except recording it in the register, you need to give her this. because the alternate story she could be going with is that you said you married her, even threw a wedding, but actually didn't file the paperwork in an elaborate scheme to lie to everyone and avoid a potential divorce settlement. which is factually true! you would look like the scum of the earth, and your reputation would be the one in the trash, so why not let her call you her ex-husband? it costs you no money, and being a divorcee looks better than being a string-along at best or con artist at worst.	yta. you sound like you made a lot of decisions that make you specifically an asshole, and i don't see how the fuck letting her say you were married when you had an entire wedding hurts you. give it to her as payback for all the bullshit you put her through.	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was going to marry my child's mother at one point, it just didn't happen. at the wedding, i did one of those "groom leaves the bride for a second to fake consult with their friends" bits. she freaked out, had an entire panic attack, and left to shut herself in a room. she has always had problems with anxiety, but i honestly didn't realize that this would be a problem. i regret doing that and see now that it was cruel, but i can't redo the past. by the time she had recovered, gotten her makeup redone, and gotten through vows, there was time for either pictures or signing the marriage license. we chose pictures, thinking we could just get it done the next day, but pictures had to happen because our families were leaving town. the next day didn't happen as it was the weekend, but neither did the next week. we had to delay our honeymoon to take her to the hospital for severe stomach pain. she found out that she was almost 4 months pregnant. our child was born and is healthy, but that surprise pushed getting those papers done on the back burner. she started to push to get the legal part done, but we were having problems and i was scared we wouldn't last so i gave excuses. our problems broke us up. our child is now almost 4 and we are coparenting well. our families know the truth, but its kind of treated as "close enough". i could play along for them, but my ex has apparently convinced herself that we were married and that's she's not some "never married single mom". she's even telling people that she's dating that she is divorced. it's not a huge city, so when i ran into someone that she's just started dating, i clarified that i am not her ex husband because we were never married. i'm not going to pretend i was married to her when i wasn't to anyone. if her family wants to pretend that's their business, but i don't have to go along with the lie. she claims that i'm "ruining her reputation and making her life worse". i'm just being honest.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i was going to marry my child's mother at one point, it just didn't happen. at the wedding, i did one of those "groom leaves the bride for a second to fake consult with their friends" bits. she freaked out, had an entire panic attack, and left to shut herself in a room. she has always had problems with anxiety, but i honestly didn't realize that this would be a problem. i regret doing that and see now that it was cruel, but i can't redo the past. by the time she had recovered, gotten her makeup redone, and gotten through vows, there was time for either pictures or signing the marriage license. we chose pictures, thinking we could just get it done the next day, but pictures had to happen because our families were leaving town. the next day didn't happen as it was the weekend, but neither did the next week. we had to delay our honeymoon to take her to the hospital for severe stomach pain. she found out that she was almost 4 months pregnant. our child was born and is healthy, but that surprise pushed getting those papers done on the back burner. she started to push to get the legal part done, but we were having problems and i was scared we wouldn't last so i gave excuses. our problems broke us up. our child is now almost 4 and we are coparenting well. our families know the truth, but its kind of treated as "close enough". i could play along for them, but my ex has apparently convinced herself that we were married and that's she's not some "never married single mom". she's even telling people that she's dating that she is divorced. it's not a huge city, so when i ran into someone that she's just started dating, i clarified that i am not her ex husband because we were never married. i'm not going to pretend i was married to her when i wasn't to anyone. if her family wants to pretend that's their business, but i don't have to go along with the lie. she claims that i'm "ruining her reputation and making her life worse". i'm just being honest. [/INST] yta dude. you had a wedding. you said vows. that’s marriage. sure you didn’t sign the paperwork so you’re free to say you never “technically” got married, and perhaps you’re able to shirk some financial responsibility because of that, but how dare you gaslight her and say you never got married when you had a wedding. oh and it sounds like you were a huge asshole at the wedding too. glad she’s not with you anymore. </s>
AITA for making my husband fly coach while I flew first class?	my husband's (33m) company recently chose him to attend a conference in miami. they chose just him and a few of his co-workers out of a ton of candidates so it was quite the honor. the company told them that they were allowed to bring their spouses/partners but that they wouldn't be springing for plane tickets for us, so if they wanted to bring us they'd have to buy tickets out of their own pockets. my husband asked me (32f) if i wanted to go and i emphatically told him that i did; i'd never been to florida in my life and i thought it'd be a fun trip. he told me "great" but when we went to the website to buy tickets he asked if i'd be ok with flying coach even though he'd be flying first class on the way there--coach on the way home. i asked him why we couldn't just fly together and he replied "first class is just so expensive. i feel bad but we just can't afford it, especially if we want to go out and have fun in miami. the flight is only a few hours." this really, really bothered me. i understood that a first class ticket for me would strain our budget a bit but what kind of a man lives it up in first class while his wife sits in coach? i asked him just that and he responded "come on. i'm taking you along on my work trip. i earned my first class seat by working hard. it's my reward." but i insisted that if we truly couldn't afford a first class seat for me (we could have; it would have hurt a little but we could have) that he as a gentleman should give up his seat for me. we argued but he ultimately agreed to give me his seat. we had a good time in miami but he's been a little mad at me since, saying that he earned his first class seat; that it was free and cost us nothing unlike my plane ticket, and that i should have just let him enjoy what he'd earned instead of "guilting him out of it." i think he's being a baby and that he should have put his wife's comfort above his own, especially since he made the choice to be cheap. we're very close to his parents so we've taken this argument to them for mediation but they are split; his father agrees with me that he wasn't being a gentleman while his mother thinks that he earned his first class seat and that i should have let him have it. so i'll ask all of you; aita?	14,986	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xhctzp/aita_for_making_my_husband_fly_coach_while_i_flew/	2022-09-18 10:09:18	yta. his company comped the first class ticket for him. what kind of wife insists her husband give up the ticket his company paid for on his behalf so she could "live it up a little"? why didn't you just cover the cost difference of first class yourself?	yta. what kind of wife puts her comfort above that of her husband’s ? you’re a hypocrite and you cheated him out of something he earned and deserved just for your personal enjoyment. he didn’t have to bring you to florida. "offer a hand, they’ll take an arm".	yta - not so much for the seat situation... more so your whole outlook on this venture. this was his moment, his trip. he wanted to share that with you, but it seems like that in and of itself wasn't good enough for you.	yta and i'm so surprised you think you're not here. if you're sticking to outdated gender norms of "a gentleman gives up his seat for a lady" then do you also fetch him his slippers and a stiff drink when gets home wearing your best lipstick? he is 100% right, he earned that seat. his work gifted him first class because of his work- not yours. the fact that he even agreed to allow you to do this shows you what a good person he is to put up with that kind of behaviour, so i would promptly apologise for acting spoilt if i was in your position. and perhaps you could give up something you would love for his benefit some time.	yta. he earned it. you sound incredibly entitled.	yta. husband did not even need to invite you on the trip, but the employer made it an option, and he informed you and invited you. the finances obviously are not optimal for your desired mode of travel, or you simply would have purchased a first-class ticket. your husband likely doesn't get to enjoy first-class that often, and this was something he truly earned by his own work and virtue. you not only deprived him of a joy he earned, but you tainted the entire experience and created a memory likely to foster resentment. yta. an entitled one. you owe your husband serious apologies.	yta that's was his business trip and his seat, he could've just not told you about his boss allowing him to take his partner along if he wanted. but you were ungrateful. red flag.	op disappeared after posting. i’d love to hear an update.	how very 1950s of you. he's right, he earned the seat. you were coming along as a bonus. he went because he was working. yta.	yta. honestly the question you asked him could be directed to you: what kind of a woman would steal her husband's first class ticket that he worked hard to earn and make him fly coach? also you said it yourself that it would hurt you financially if you bought another first class ticket. from that point on, since you never even doubted yourself to be the ah, you're an even bigger ah	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband's (33m) company recently chose him to attend a conference in miami. they chose just him and a few of his co-workers out of a ton of candidates so it was quite the honor. the company told them that they were allowed to bring their spouses/partners but that they wouldn't be springing for plane tickets for us, so if they wanted to bring us they'd have to buy tickets out of their own pockets. my husband asked me (32f) if i wanted to go and i emphatically told him that i did; i'd never been to florida in my life and i thought it'd be a fun trip. he told me "great" but when we went to the website to buy tickets he asked if i'd be ok with flying coach even though he'd be flying first class on the way there--coach on the way home. i asked him why we couldn't just fly together and he replied "first class is just so expensive. i feel bad but we just can't afford it, especially if we want to go out and have fun in miami. the flight is only a few hours." this really, really bothered me. i understood that a first class ticket for me would strain our budget a bit but what kind of a man lives it up in first class while his wife sits in coach? i asked him just that and he responded "come on. i'm taking you along on my work trip. i earned my first class seat by working hard. it's my reward." but i insisted that if we truly couldn't afford a first class seat for me (we could have; it would have hurt a little but we could have) that he as a gentleman should give up his seat for me. we argued but he ultimately agreed to give me his seat. we had a good time in miami but he's been a little mad at me since, saying that he earned his first class seat; that it was free and cost us nothing unlike my plane ticket, and that i should have just let him enjoy what he'd earned instead of "guilting him out of it." i think he's being a baby and that he should have put his wife's comfort above his own, especially since he made the choice to be cheap. we're very close to his parents so we've taken this argument to them for mediation but they are split; his father agrees with me that he wasn't being a gentleman while his mother thinks that he earned his first class seat and that i should have let him have it. so i'll ask all of you; aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband's (33m) company recently chose him to attend a conference in miami. they chose just him and a few of his co-workers out of a ton of candidates so it was quite the honor. the company told them that they were allowed to bring their spouses/partners but that they wouldn't be springing for plane tickets for us, so if they wanted to bring us they'd have to buy tickets out of their own pockets. my husband asked me (32f) if i wanted to go and i emphatically told him that i did; i'd never been to florida in my life and i thought it'd be a fun trip. he told me "great" but when we went to the website to buy tickets he asked if i'd be ok with flying coach even though he'd be flying first class on the way there--coach on the way home. i asked him why we couldn't just fly together and he replied "first class is just so expensive. i feel bad but we just can't afford it, especially if we want to go out and have fun in miami. the flight is only a few hours." this really, really bothered me. i understood that a first class ticket for me would strain our budget a bit but what kind of a man lives it up in first class while his wife sits in coach? i asked him just that and he responded "come on. i'm taking you along on my work trip. i earned my first class seat by working hard. it's my reward." but i insisted that if we truly couldn't afford a first class seat for me (we could have; it would have hurt a little but we could have) that he as a gentleman should give up his seat for me. we argued but he ultimately agreed to give me his seat. we had a good time in miami but he's been a little mad at me since, saying that he earned his first class seat; that it was free and cost us nothing unlike my plane ticket, and that i should have just let him enjoy what he'd earned instead of "guilting him out of it." i think he's being a baby and that he should have put his wife's comfort above his own, especially since he made the choice to be cheap. we're very close to his parents so we've taken this argument to them for mediation but they are split; his father agrees with me that he wasn't being a gentleman while his mother thinks that he earned his first class seat and that i should have let him have it. so i'll ask all of you; aita? [/INST] yta. his company comped the first class ticket for him. what kind of wife insists her husband give up the ticket his company paid for on his behalf so she could "live it up a little"? why didn't you just cover the cost difference of first class yourself? </s>
AITA For telling my wife that if she wants to bedshare she needs to sleep in the kids beds?	my wife and i have been together for six years, she has a thirteen year old and a nine year old. when we first got together they were both still in her bed, they were both relatively small and i worked nights. it was never an issue. last year i suffered a work injury and now have to sleep on a memory foam mattress. i assumed by now both kids would of grown out of cosleeping, but obviously havent. i cant comfortably sleep in a bed with two kids, especially because my stepson (nine) is a little ninja. he is constantly kicking during the night. they will occasionally sleep in their own beds, but very rarely. my stepdaughter is a little better, but stepson will have meltdowns if we try and send him to his own bed. my wife doesnt believe we should force them out, which i understand, but i cant keep sleeping on the couch when they're in the bed. a couple days ago i blew up over it. my backs killing, i'm tired. i essentially told her to take the kids and sleep in one of their beds, i need the comfortable mattress for my back. we never really got to discuss it because stepson got upset and started crying. that night she took the kids to her parents for the night, and back at home she explained that they wouldnt all fit in one of the kids beds. she agreed that i could have the big bed, but is ordering a memory foam mattress for our sons bed so i can sleep there comfortably. i dont want to sleep in a kids bed; i want my bed, and i'd like to actually spend a night with my wife. her parents are on her and the kids side, obviously, but i still dont think i should have to give my bed up for them, in the nicest way possible. i paid for it. the issue is getting worse, and my in laws are now calling me abusive for trying to take their comforts. so, am i the asshole? important info; both kids and my wife are asd diagnosed, stepson also has adhd.	22,796	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ogaloz/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_if_she_wants_to/	2021-07-08 16:20:33	nta - i also think it’s problematic for your wife to expect you to sleep, night after night, with a teenage stepdaughter. that aside, kicking you out of your own bed so she can sleep with a teen and a tween is a strange dependency on her part. is she planning on moving into their dorm rooms or going on their honeymoons in the future. just no. time to grow the kids up and have an adult relationship with her husband.	nta yikes. i watched my mom force my dad to sleep on the couch their entire marriage bc she'd rather have a kid in her bed. i was the oldest and slept with her until i was 10. i'm an adult now and still have a hard time sleeping if i'm home alone. it made things worse for me. eventually my dad got fed up and divorced her. rule number one for my husband and i when we had kids was no kids in the bed ( w the exception of nightmare or sick kid or something).	practical advice: i have coslept with my kids, two of whom are not neurotypical and didn’t self-wean with the co sleeping. the way we weaned them was to first put a single bed in our room close to our bed for them to sleep in at night. that way they were right next to us but in their own bed. then we moved the bed way from ours and up against another wall. then we moved the bed into their room and had them start every night in their room and in their bed but had a air bed and blankets on the floor next to my side of the bed for them to come into if they needed. then eventually the air bed was removed and if they wanted to sleep in our room they had to go grab some cushions off the couch and bring them in. it honestly took well over a year of very very slowly getting them used to and comfortable with each stage and even now my 13 year old occasionally comes and sleeps on the couch in our room. but with patience and a gentle approach it can be done in such a way that you have your bed and mattress from the outset and they aren’t forced into a sudden situation that they aren’t mentally or emotionally ready to deal with.	nta it's really unhealthy for the kids to still be co-sleeping with their mother and you clearly aren't getting any adult time with your wife because of it. think long and hard if this is the future you want though, because i doubt it's going to change.	nta. at 9 and 13 it's high time they learnt to sleep in their own beds. not to mention the fact you and your wife deserve to be able to have couple time --> if she doesn't see the elephant(s) in the room here, it's probably time to have a serious discussion about what this marriage means to the both of you.	nta - their diagnosis does not mean they cannot understand the need for their own beds and privacy. you need to explain to your wife that you will not sleep in your sons bed and she should return the mattress, if she wants to co-sleep then she can order a new bed and mattress and sleep somewhere else but the marital bed is for you and her only. and if your in laws get really pissy remind them it’s illegal to have sex in front of minors…	nta the kids are old enough to sleep in there old bed end of story. you have a legitimate reason to need to sleep in your bed and your wife needs to cut the cord with the kids about sharing a bed every night.	nta - why would she order another small child bed instead of ordering an adult bed that she can sleep in with the kids. two big beds that are separate seem like the better answer to this problem. i can’t imagine a grownup happily sleeping in a twin bed every night.	nta. considering you have an injury, priority is for you to sleep comfortably. now...sounds to me like the kids (the son at least) has some form of attachment to his mom. it's not within the norm for a kid that big to still want to sleep in bed with the parents. is he scared of something? i suggest looking into therapy or some form of diagnosis.		NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have been together for six years, she has a thirteen year old and a nine year old. when we first got together they were both still in her bed, they were both relatively small and i worked nights. it was never an issue. last year i suffered a work injury and now have to sleep on a memory foam mattress. i assumed by now both kids would of grown out of cosleeping, but obviously havent. i cant comfortably sleep in a bed with two kids, especially because my stepson (nine) is a little ninja. he is constantly kicking during the night. they will occasionally sleep in their own beds, but very rarely. my stepdaughter is a little better, but stepson will have meltdowns if we try and send him to his own bed. my wife doesnt believe we should force them out, which i understand, but i cant keep sleeping on the couch when they're in the bed. a couple days ago i blew up over it. my backs killing, i'm tired. i essentially told her to take the kids and sleep in one of their beds, i need the comfortable mattress for my back. we never really got to discuss it because stepson got upset and started crying. that night she took the kids to her parents for the night, and back at home she explained that they wouldnt all fit in one of the kids beds. she agreed that i could have the big bed, but is ordering a memory foam mattress for our sons bed so i can sleep there comfortably. i dont want to sleep in a kids bed; i want my bed, and i'd like to actually spend a night with my wife. her parents are on her and the kids side, obviously, but i still dont think i should have to give my bed up for them, in the nicest way possible. i paid for it. the issue is getting worse, and my in laws are now calling me abusive for trying to take their comforts. so, am i the asshole? important info; both kids and my wife are asd diagnosed, stepson also has adhd.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife and i have been together for six years, she has a thirteen year old and a nine year old. when we first got together they were both still in her bed, they were both relatively small and i worked nights. it was never an issue. last year i suffered a work injury and now have to sleep on a memory foam mattress. i assumed by now both kids would of grown out of cosleeping, but obviously havent. i cant comfortably sleep in a bed with two kids, especially because my stepson (nine) is a little ninja. he is constantly kicking during the night. they will occasionally sleep in their own beds, but very rarely. my stepdaughter is a little better, but stepson will have meltdowns if we try and send him to his own bed. my wife doesnt believe we should force them out, which i understand, but i cant keep sleeping on the couch when they're in the bed. a couple days ago i blew up over it. my backs killing, i'm tired. i essentially told her to take the kids and sleep in one of their beds, i need the comfortable mattress for my back. we never really got to discuss it because stepson got upset and started crying. that night she took the kids to her parents for the night, and back at home she explained that they wouldnt all fit in one of the kids beds. she agreed that i could have the big bed, but is ordering a memory foam mattress for our sons bed so i can sleep there comfortably. i dont want to sleep in a kids bed; i want my bed, and i'd like to actually spend a night with my wife. her parents are on her and the kids side, obviously, but i still dont think i should have to give my bed up for them, in the nicest way possible. i paid for it. the issue is getting worse, and my in laws are now calling me abusive for trying to take their comforts. so, am i the asshole? important info; both kids and my wife are asd diagnosed, stepson also has adhd. [/INST] nta - i also think it’s problematic for your wife to expect you to sleep, night after night, with a teenage stepdaughter. that aside, kicking you out of your own bed so she can sleep with a teen and a tween is a strange dependency on her part. is she planning on moving into their dorm rooms or going on their honeymoons in the future. just no. time to grow the kids up and have an adult relationship with her husband. </s>
AITA for hiding my girlfriend's skincare?	basically i hid my girlfriend's skincare collection. i was planning on throwing it all away, until she freaked out about it. my girlfriend has had sort of an obsessive hobby with buying skincare since before me, and it's only gotten worse since we started dating (dating about 4 years, we're both 23 now). she picks up extra shifts on the weekend just to afford the newest, most interesting products. at first i was supportive of her hobby, whatever makes her happy i guess. but lately i've been struggling to understand why she buys these things. we have separate bathrooms and in every single drawer is another toner, cleanser, or exfoliant. she's in school to become a dermatologist, but seriously. i don't know anyone in school with this much of a collection. i've tried for months to tell her this isn't healthy and she needs help, but she tells me because she pays the bills in our apartment and for my food and "other hobbies", she's allowed to do whatever she wants with her extra money. but to me it's completely wasteful. she's already gorgeous with incredibly lovely, pillow-soft skin with not a single scar. she literally has the best skin everywhere on her body, it's like she's been fucking airbrushed. this doesn't matter to her though, as she is always having packages show up and new additions to her "collection". here's where i think i messed up. my girlfriend spends about 12 hours in a double shift at work, and after she left i decided to load all of her skincare in multiple black trash bags and just put them in my truck. i wasn't going to go crazy and throw them away, i know this stuff is worth 3-4 thousand dollars. some of this shit is literally in fucking boxes. i just wanted to try to show her she didn't need any of it. when she came home at around 12am exhausted and just wanted to wash her face (she "has to") all of her products were missing, obviously. she immediately came to me in almost hysterics about how everything is gone and she thinks we were robbed. i told her we weren't, and that she doesn't need all this stuff because she's beautiful already. i told her i took it away (didn't say where) because she doesn't need all this garbage. within seconds her mood changed and she wouldn't even look at me. she took her blankets to the couch and slept there, crying. she was being so dramatic i decided to just get the stuff from my truck. i brought the bags in and dumped them on the floor and she started sobbing. she said some of them were gifts from her father that passed away, and she thought she would never get to see them again (he apparently wasn't good at gift giving but knew this passion of hers? yeah.) aita? i literally gave her the stuff back and i don't believe her dad would just suddenly give her gifts, as she's said in the past he struggles with buying gifts. i really don't wanna lose her, i want to marry her. she's the most beautiful woman and kind soul i've ever met. &#x200b;	7,552	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ktrljn/aita_for_hiding_my_girlfriends_skincare/	2021-01-09 14:13:09	yta and wtf is wrong with you? how on earth did you think this was anything like a good idea? it's her stuff. you have separate bathrooms, so it's not like it's encroaching on your space. leave her stuff alone, man. this is a hobby that doesn't really affect you in any way, so why on earth do you care what she does with her skin and her money? i hope she uses this little episode and motivation to dump you and find an actual man who will respect her and her things. &#x200b;	yta let me get this straight. you decided that her collection, from which she derives pleasure and which isn’t hurting anyone (a collection that also applies to the field in which she’s training no less), was unnecessary and decided in your infinite wisdom to get rid of. this woman not only paid for this harmless collection herself, but also, by your own admission, pays for everything in your house and your hobbies. how in the h-e double hockey sticks could you possibly think this was a good idea? it sounds like you need to grow up. if i were her i’d be keeping the skincare products and seriously consider throwing you out instead. then she gets another bathroom for her stuff, and can find a partner who respects her and her things.	yta. you ever wonder why she's got the best skin? also, why do you deem yourself the gatekeeper of what's an acceptable hobby?	so let's break this fiasco down real quick: 1) you basically are shitting on her hobby 2) she literally goes out of her way to pick up extra shifts so she can do this thing she enjoys 3) you have separate bathrooms, so it's not like you even have to look at this stuff 4) she pays all the bills and for the food, and you're telling her how to spend her extra money 5) her collection is worth 3-4 thousand dollars and you were fully prepared to throw it away 6) some of it were gifts from her late father 7) and to boot you decide to not believe that her late father would give her gifts based on what she enjoyed sir, not only are yta, you are toxic, and your girlfriend would be smart to detox, if you catch my drift. everything about this is atrocious behaviour for a grown ass man. the beautiful thing about hobbies is no one else has to understand but you, they are fun ways to pass time and enjoy life. i have a collection of vinyl records. are you going to throw all my shit out too because you deem it "not necessary"? get real!	yta and a massive one . so to get this straight: because you think that your girlfriends hobby of buying and collecting skincare products from her own money is wasteful and unnecessary you decided to teach her that she is wrong by stealing items worth a few thousand dollars from her ? you are a controlling, self absorbed ah and your girlfriend should cleanse her life of you.	yta so she is in school to become a doctor possibly med school at her age. her passion is dermatology and you clearly like the results of her passion by calling her skin airbrushed and perfect. on top of this she works and pays all of the bills. no doubt you are a raging asshole. based on her paying for everything including food, bills and other hobbies for you i’m assuming you don’t work. it is her money she is supporting both of you. yta	yta first off its not atually affecting her, or you come to think of it it, physically or mentally, so this isn't to do with health. financially sounds like she's fine. but why is she paying for your food? she wouldn't have to pick up extra shifts ifs she wasn't paying for your food. not to mention it sounds like she's paying all the bills (although that seems unclear) and it's something that makes her happy, like video games. and you talk about her skin, that's probably because of the products she uses. this kinda sounds like your jealous of her skin stuff ngl; she spends to much money on it; she gets more time at work for it; it's all in her bathroom. seriously get a grip, her money, her stuff, her life. my advise to her: put op in the trash bag, show you don't need him and you are perfectly fine living life.	yta. i am not fully understanding why you are so threatened by her interest in skin care products and dermatology. but what right do you have to steal her stuff? isn’t that something you learned as a child? it doesn’t matter who gave it to her, or how you feel about it. stealing her things and threatening to throw them away is childish, unsupportive, disrespectful, and a bit psychotic. why would she want to marry you? also, have you considered that her skin is so amazing and wonderful because of the time and effort she spends taking care of it? dense.	yta i'm a huge skincare nerd and i can already tell you have 0 skin knowledge, does she need 2387628576 different products? no, but it's her hobby hence why she's studying to become a dermatologist. skin care is about prevention, you do want you gf to have the same, perfect skin she has today for as long as possible right? well, that not happening without skincare. trust me, she definetely needs a skin care routine, as do we all. even if we have perfect skin, still need skincare. besides, why does this bother you if she's literally paying for everything herself, and paying for food and "your other hobbies"??? this was super rude, cruel and not ok. you should really make up to her, and apologize.	yta on so many levels. all of that and you finish it out by dumping all her things on the floor while she’s crying on the couch? you’re fucking gross. she deserves so much better.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically i hid my girlfriend's skincare collection. i was planning on throwing it all away, until she freaked out about it. my girlfriend has had sort of an obsessive hobby with buying skincare since before me, and it's only gotten worse since we started dating (dating about 4 years, we're both 23 now). she picks up extra shifts on the weekend just to afford the newest, most interesting products. at first i was supportive of her hobby, whatever makes her happy i guess. but lately i've been struggling to understand why she buys these things. we have separate bathrooms and in every single drawer is another toner, cleanser, or exfoliant. she's in school to become a dermatologist, but seriously. i don't know anyone in school with this much of a collection. i've tried for months to tell her this isn't healthy and she needs help, but she tells me because she pays the bills in our apartment and for my food and "other hobbies", she's allowed to do whatever she wants with her extra money. but to me it's completely wasteful. she's already gorgeous with incredibly lovely, pillow-soft skin with not a single scar. she literally has the best skin everywhere on her body, it's like she's been fucking airbrushed. this doesn't matter to her though, as she is always having packages show up and new additions to her "collection". here's where i think i messed up. my girlfriend spends about 12 hours in a double shift at work, and after she left i decided to load all of her skincare in multiple black trash bags and just put them in my truck. i wasn't going to go crazy and throw them away, i know this stuff is worth 3-4 thousand dollars. some of this shit is literally in fucking boxes. i just wanted to try to show her she didn't need any of it. when she came home at around 12am exhausted and just wanted to wash her face (she "has to") all of her products were missing, obviously. she immediately came to me in almost hysterics about how everything is gone and she thinks we were robbed. i told her we weren't, and that she doesn't need all this stuff because she's beautiful already. i told her i took it away (didn't say where) because she doesn't need all this garbage. within seconds her mood changed and she wouldn't even look at me. she took her blankets to the couch and slept there, crying. she was being so dramatic i decided to just get the stuff from my truck. i brought the bags in and dumped them on the floor and she started sobbing. she said some of them were gifts from her father that passed away, and she thought she would never get to see them again (he apparently wasn't good at gift giving but knew this passion of hers? yeah.) aita? i literally gave her the stuff back and i don't believe her dad would just suddenly give her gifts, as she's said in the past he struggles with buying gifts. i really don't wanna lose her, i want to marry her. she's the most beautiful woman and kind soul i've ever met. &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> basically i hid my girlfriend's skincare collection. i was planning on throwing it all away, until she freaked out about it. my girlfriend has had sort of an obsessive hobby with buying skincare since before me, and it's only gotten worse since we started dating (dating about 4 years, we're both 23 now). she picks up extra shifts on the weekend just to afford the newest, most interesting products. at first i was supportive of her hobby, whatever makes her happy i guess. but lately i've been struggling to understand why she buys these things. we have separate bathrooms and in every single drawer is another toner, cleanser, or exfoliant. she's in school to become a dermatologist, but seriously. i don't know anyone in school with this much of a collection. i've tried for months to tell her this isn't healthy and she needs help, but she tells me because she pays the bills in our apartment and for my food and "other hobbies", she's allowed to do whatever she wants with her extra money. but to me it's completely wasteful. she's already gorgeous with incredibly lovely, pillow-soft skin with not a single scar. she literally has the best skin everywhere on her body, it's like she's been fucking airbrushed. this doesn't matter to her though, as she is always having packages show up and new additions to her "collection". here's where i think i messed up. my girlfriend spends about 12 hours in a double shift at work, and after she left i decided to load all of her skincare in multiple black trash bags and just put them in my truck. i wasn't going to go crazy and throw them away, i know this stuff is worth 3-4 thousand dollars. some of this shit is literally in fucking boxes. i just wanted to try to show her she didn't need any of it. when she came home at around 12am exhausted and just wanted to wash her face (she "has to") all of her products were missing, obviously. she immediately came to me in almost hysterics about how everything is gone and she thinks we were robbed. i told her we weren't, and that she doesn't need all this stuff because she's beautiful already. i told her i took it away (didn't say where) because she doesn't need all this garbage. within seconds her mood changed and she wouldn't even look at me. she took her blankets to the couch and slept there, crying. she was being so dramatic i decided to just get the stuff from my truck. i brought the bags in and dumped them on the floor and she started sobbing. she said some of them were gifts from her father that passed away, and she thought she would never get to see them again (he apparently wasn't good at gift giving but knew this passion of hers? yeah.) aita? i literally gave her the stuff back and i don't believe her dad would just suddenly give her gifts, as she's said in the past he struggles with buying gifts. i really don't wanna lose her, i want to marry her. she's the most beautiful woman and kind soul i've ever met. &#x200b; [/INST] yta and wtf is wrong with you? how on earth did you think this was anything like a good idea? it's her stuff. you have separate bathrooms, so it's not like it's encroaching on your space. leave her stuff alone, man. this is a hobby that doesn't really affect you in any way, so why on earth do you care what she does with her skin and her money? i hope she uses this little episode and motivation to dump you and find an actual man who will respect her and her things. &#x200b; </s>
AITA for keeping it real and telling my friends that they don’t fit into my life anymore?	ok so i have a group of friends who i love dearly but i am not the same person i was when we all met. i have wanted to change so many things in my life and i couldn’t because i was and am an alcoholic... this group of friends is nothing but drinking. i can’t do it anymore i need to change my destiny, my legacy. i’ve tried to tell them numerous times but they always pressure me with the “one last time” thing and i was weak and always went for it. a few weeks ago it was my birthday, my 29th birthday. they all ganged up and me and convinced me to go out drinking. well stay home and drink. so i decided to do it and it was a mistake. the entire time i was regretting the decision and as i got drunker and drunker i got sadder that i was doing it. a few days ago i sent a group text to all my friend and basically told them that i’ve tried to get sober for years and it’s incredibly hard and as friends i would have thought they’d be happy for me and supportive but instead they do the opposite and pressure me to drink. they know drinking gets in the way of my plans for my life but it seems they don’t care. anyways i told them that i am moving forward with my life and as of now i don’t see any of them in my future. i’ve gotten calls and texts but have ignored them all. i feel better i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but at the same time i can’t help but feel like i was kind of a dick.. and i the wrong one here?	20,660	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iv0bbo/aita_for_keeping_it_real_and_telling_my_friends/	2020-09-18 05:39:57	nta. friends that pressure you to do something they know you don’t want to do aren’t friends.	nta good luck in journey getting sober.	nta. i had that group of friends, too, and ultimately made the same choice. doesn't mean you hate them, but sometimes you have to move on, and that's doubly true if you are attempting to be sober and they are anything but.	i feel like i'm going to get downvoted to hell for this but a gentle esh. yes, they were not good influences and hindered your progress moving forward. however, as an alcoholic, one of the first things you need to do is accept blame and take responsibility for your actions. if you don't you'll have a hard time staying sober. unless they were physically holding you down and pouring drinks in your mouth, you have had every opportunity to say no. you're text was also super accusatory. like it was all their faults that your life wasn't where you wanted it to be. that's not really fair to put on anyone but yourself. a simple "hey, i've had so much fun with you guys over the years but i need to focus on my sobriety and getting my life in order. i hope later down the line we can reconnect when i'm in a better place." would have sufficed fine. they are ah because peer pressure is wrong at all ages and in all activities. either way i'm proud of you for taking steps to get sober cause it's not easy. i'm not saying this to be hurtful at all and wish you nothing but luck on your journey. edit to add: i also completely understand that for an alcoholic, it's not always as simple as "just say no". my point is that are the end of the day, your friends aren't to blame for your illness (which is what it is, you can't help it) so i felt that your text came off as "this is your fault so i can't hang out with you anymore" i don't think you're the ah for distancing yourself, just the way you did it. edit 2: wow my first rocket and this awards!!! thank you so much!	nta. i’ve been there. been sober almost nine years and have a fundamentally different set of friends. climbing and my climbing pals supported my sobriety. find your thing an be amazed at how awesome loving sober can be.	nta coming from a recovering addict man just forget them they arent real friends i found out who my real friends were when i got sober i've got 10 months of sobriety under my belt now and all my smoking buddies dont even hit me up anymore cause i dont smoke so they dont have a reason to talk/see me and that's okay cause i value my life and i found some better sober friends and some normies that dont pressure me they support me and my growth and i've never felt free congrats on your decision if you need help with things to help you stay sober feel free to dm me i'm always happy to help the newcomers in sobriety	esh. by all means tell them alcohol doesn’t feature in your life anymore, and thus you won’t go drinking. but to say it’s them that’s the problem, as opposed drinking. yeah, not cool.	nta- that is a very hard decision to make. you did the right thing. congratulations for putting your health first.	nta. it's not just that they drink a lot themselves, they actively pressure you into doing it. that generally isn't cool for someone who doesn't have an issue with alcohol, but the fact you're a recovering alcoholic and they push it on you? you're better off without those friends in your life. block their numbers and follow your dreams.	nta, but- i don't know how clear you were to them about it before cutting them off - and if you were clear, that's the end of it - but if some of them can be a supportive part of your sober life, especially away from the group, i'd hope you gave them the chance. it sounds like you have. best wishes to you, man.	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.054	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so i have a group of friends who i love dearly but i am not the same person i was when we all met. i have wanted to change so many things in my life and i couldn’t because i was and am an alcoholic... this group of friends is nothing but drinking. i can’t do it anymore i need to change my destiny, my legacy. i’ve tried to tell them numerous times but they always pressure me with the “one last time” thing and i was weak and always went for it. a few weeks ago it was my birthday, my 29th birthday. they all ganged up and me and convinced me to go out drinking. well stay home and drink. so i decided to do it and it was a mistake. the entire time i was regretting the decision and as i got drunker and drunker i got sadder that i was doing it. a few days ago i sent a group text to all my friend and basically told them that i’ve tried to get sober for years and it’s incredibly hard and as friends i would have thought they’d be happy for me and supportive but instead they do the opposite and pressure me to drink. they know drinking gets in the way of my plans for my life but it seems they don’t care. anyways i told them that i am moving forward with my life and as of now i don’t see any of them in my future. i’ve gotten calls and texts but have ignored them all. i feel better i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but at the same time i can’t help but feel like i was kind of a dick.. and i the wrong one here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> ok so i have a group of friends who i love dearly but i am not the same person i was when we all met. i have wanted to change so many things in my life and i couldn’t because i was and am an alcoholic... this group of friends is nothing but drinking. i can’t do it anymore i need to change my destiny, my legacy. i’ve tried to tell them numerous times but they always pressure me with the “one last time” thing and i was weak and always went for it. a few weeks ago it was my birthday, my 29th birthday. they all ganged up and me and convinced me to go out drinking. well stay home and drink. so i decided to do it and it was a mistake. the entire time i was regretting the decision and as i got drunker and drunker i got sadder that i was doing it. a few days ago i sent a group text to all my friend and basically told them that i’ve tried to get sober for years and it’s incredibly hard and as friends i would have thought they’d be happy for me and supportive but instead they do the opposite and pressure me to drink. they know drinking gets in the way of my plans for my life but it seems they don’t care. anyways i told them that i am moving forward with my life and as of now i don’t see any of them in my future. i’ve gotten calls and texts but have ignored them all. i feel better i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but at the same time i can’t help but feel like i was kind of a dick.. and i the wrong one here? [/INST] nta. friends that pressure you to do something they know you don’t want to do aren’t friends. </s>
AITA for telling a friend's girlfriend that she's spoiled?	several days ago we invited a friend and his girlfriend over for dinner. before we start, some background about my friend: i've known him for almost 15 years, he never had a lot of money, but he never let that get in the way. he worked hard, saved hard, and bought things if he decided he really wanted them, but was not a spendthrift. he paid his way through university without taking any loans, working his ass off in two jobs while full time studying. he recently opened a startup of his own which has great potential and has started getting nibbles and several customers, but is far from being a success, or even profitable, yet. on to the story - they were talking about how they were looking to buy a car (his first), because now that they lived together, she felt that they could split the cost of a car because they were saving money on rent. i could tell my friend wasn't too hot on the expense, because all his money was in the startup and he'd need to take out a loan to get a car, in addition to the loans he had already taken out to get his business up and running. when we were talking about it, his girlfriend kept saying things about how "at 33 years old i shouldn't have to take the bus anymore", and "taking public transportation is for losers". as someone who bought my first car (used) at 31 because my family was growing, i'll admit i took some offense to that. i've used public transportation for years (and still do) and never considered it "beneath me". the real kicker came when she started talking about getting a brand-new car, straight from the dealership. wouldn't even consider getting something a coupla years old. here's where i may have overstepped my bounds, and told her that her entire attitude is spoiled, and that if she really cared about my friend, she'd realize that he doesn't have the ability to spend that much money, and she should look at something cheaper if she wouldn't deign to ride the bus with the rest of the common folk. after a minute or so of awkwardness, the conversation switched to other topics and the subject of the car was dropped. after they left, my wife said i shouldn't have called her spoiled to her face and i almost ruined dinner for everyone. my friend told me, though, that she dropped the idea of the brand new car and they're looking at the user car lots. so, aita?	18,144	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5a1yu/aita_for_telling_a_friends_girlfriend_that_shes/	2019-03-25 12:26:30	nta. don’t talk about financial matters with friends if you aren’t ready for honest input.	nta you were pretty blunt and rude but i don't think you were an asshole. she was being a total princess, insulting you by proxy, and you helped your friend out by being honest with her.	esh it's not your place to tell your friend's girlfriend that your friend is uncomfortable about buying a car. if he is uncomfortable, it's up to him to tell her that. his finances are for him to screw up or succeed at. if he asks for your help, go ahead and help and give all the advice and opinions you want. but of course, she's being a total asshole about public transportation, which is literally a way of life in many american cities. you were totally not in the wrong for calling her a spoiled princess there.	your wife is being overly polite to the point of being rude imo. it would have been rude to your friend if you had not backed him up because it was a stupid idea of the gfs part and sometimes not disagreeing people will take as agreement. ywbta if you didn’t call your friend out if he ever had a stupid idea. nta.	esh - i think you were rude as it was his place to say but i can see why. she sucks for being spoilt though. i get it but to be honest what i would have done would have been to speak to him later saying you maybe should talk to her. also was she being serious as our cousin is a bus driver and jokes about having to get the peasant wagon?	esh (except your friend). it wasn’t your place to butt in and try to set her straight. she sounds pretty obnoxious from your retelling, but is it possible she has a very deadpan sense of humor and was trying to exaggerate for comedic effect? even if she was a total a-hole, you did overreact, and the place to address you concerns would be privately with your friend, or you know, just keep it to yourself.	esh - you called a grown woman spoiled? in the middle of dinner? dude that's awful. you embarrassed her and stuck your nose into something that was none of your business. she does sound spoiled (from your version of the story), but unless she or your friend invited your comment, it's not your place to give an opinion on her character. if she brought up that public transportation is for losers and she doesn't want a second-hand car, then you can definitely give your opinion on the bad financial choices she's planning on making, but that's a far cry from point-blank insulting her. jesus. i don't understand how so many people are judging not the asshole after you literally called someone spoiled in front of her friends. is there any possible situation where that's not an asshole-ish thing to do?	yta. you either just put distance between your friend and his girlfriend or yourself and your friend. or both. there are about a hundred more tactful ways to let her know she was being offensive or to get her to switch to another topic or you could have shared your opinion with your friend at a different time when you weren't being so confrontational. as the dude says, "you're not wrong walter, you're just an asshole"	yta quite frankly its not of your business. if your friend doesn't want to buy a new car, that's something he should dicuss with her, and offering your opinion unsolicited was kinda rude imo.	yta. even by your own admission, they’re already splitting the cost of rent and talking about splitting the cost of the car, meaning she’s putting her own money into it. why shouldn’t she get to express wanting a new car if she’s putting her money into it as well? your friend is a big boy with his own apartment, his own gf, and his own mouth who can fight his own battles. i think you got hurt about her (admittedly snotty) comment about public transportation and decided to pop off at the mouth with a personal attack on her as a person, which makes you the asshole.	NTA	NTA	ESH	YTA	ESH	ESH	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.264545	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: several days ago we invited a friend and his girlfriend over for dinner. before we start, some background about my friend: i've known him for almost 15 years, he never had a lot of money, but he never let that get in the way. he worked hard, saved hard, and bought things if he decided he really wanted them, but was not a spendthrift. he paid his way through university without taking any loans, working his ass off in two jobs while full time studying. he recently opened a startup of his own which has great potential and has started getting nibbles and several customers, but is far from being a success, or even profitable, yet. on to the story - they were talking about how they were looking to buy a car (his first), because now that they lived together, she felt that they could split the cost of a car because they were saving money on rent. i could tell my friend wasn't too hot on the expense, because all his money was in the startup and he'd need to take out a loan to get a car, in addition to the loans he had already taken out to get his business up and running. when we were talking about it, his girlfriend kept saying things about how "at 33 years old i shouldn't have to take the bus anymore", and "taking public transportation is for losers". as someone who bought my first car (used) at 31 because my family was growing, i'll admit i took some offense to that. i've used public transportation for years (and still do) and never considered it "beneath me". the real kicker came when she started talking about getting a brand-new car, straight from the dealership. wouldn't even consider getting something a coupla years old. here's where i may have overstepped my bounds, and told her that her entire attitude is spoiled, and that if she really cared about my friend, she'd realize that he doesn't have the ability to spend that much money, and she should look at something cheaper if she wouldn't deign to ride the bus with the rest of the common folk. after a minute or so of awkwardness, the conversation switched to other topics and the subject of the car was dropped. after they left, my wife said i shouldn't have called her spoiled to her face and i almost ruined dinner for everyone. my friend told me, though, that she dropped the idea of the brand new car and they're looking at the user car lots. so, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> several days ago we invited a friend and his girlfriend over for dinner. before we start, some background about my friend: i've known him for almost 15 years, he never had a lot of money, but he never let that get in the way. he worked hard, saved hard, and bought things if he decided he really wanted them, but was not a spendthrift. he paid his way through university without taking any loans, working his ass off in two jobs while full time studying. he recently opened a startup of his own which has great potential and has started getting nibbles and several customers, but is far from being a success, or even profitable, yet. on to the story - they were talking about how they were looking to buy a car (his first), because now that they lived together, she felt that they could split the cost of a car because they were saving money on rent. i could tell my friend wasn't too hot on the expense, because all his money was in the startup and he'd need to take out a loan to get a car, in addition to the loans he had already taken out to get his business up and running. when we were talking about it, his girlfriend kept saying things about how "at 33 years old i shouldn't have to take the bus anymore", and "taking public transportation is for losers". as someone who bought my first car (used) at 31 because my family was growing, i'll admit i took some offense to that. i've used public transportation for years (and still do) and never considered it "beneath me". the real kicker came when she started talking about getting a brand-new car, straight from the dealership. wouldn't even consider getting something a coupla years old. here's where i may have overstepped my bounds, and told her that her entire attitude is spoiled, and that if she really cared about my friend, she'd realize that he doesn't have the ability to spend that much money, and she should look at something cheaper if she wouldn't deign to ride the bus with the rest of the common folk. after a minute or so of awkwardness, the conversation switched to other topics and the subject of the car was dropped. after they left, my wife said i shouldn't have called her spoiled to her face and i almost ruined dinner for everyone. my friend told me, though, that she dropped the idea of the brand new car and they're looking at the user car lots. so, aita? [/INST] nta. don’t talk about financial matters with friends if you aren’t ready for honest input. </s>
AITA for dumping the truth on my sister?	my parents had two girls me (17f) and my sister (14f). i have always felt like my parents saw me as a babysitter, as a third adult in the house, and have expected me to be a 40 year old kid/teenager. whereas my sister was their baby. they spoil her rotten. they adore her. she has never wanted for anything and they do everything to make her happy. i was expected to help take care of my sister for as long as i can remember. she's not special needs, was never sick, wasn't even a preemie either. but that was the dynamic that was set up. i remember i would come home from school and mom would have me help feed my sister. she would have me watch her then while she was in and out of the house. i would be told i needed to play with her if my sister was upset. she'd miss me a lot and my parents would insist i dedicate my time to her once i was home. we'd go out as a family and she'd want something and they'd get it for her. but i would be told to act my age if i wanted something. she would get to hang out with friends whenever she wanted, would have really amazing birthday parties and sleepovers that i was never allowed to have. i also never got to attend sleepovers at other friends houses. there were times my parents would take her to do really amazing stuff and i was left behind. over time my sister started to get annoyed by my pulling back when i was around 15. i kept to myself, i'm moody around them, i don't engage in the "family", i take the punishments rather than do chores since she has none assigned to her. my parents hate that i won't be the little house keeper they wanted. my sister has told me i'm a brat and ungrateful for not helping our parents who are amazing. over time it has gotten worse. then she heard me making plans to leave with my friends in a couple of months. she was so pissed that i was going to leave the family behind and that i hadn't told the family anything. she talked about how mom and dad have saved for us to go to college and i just wanna run away. something broke inside me when she said that. i told her she has a college fund waiting for her, but i don't. just like she can get anything she wants while i'm told to act my age and not want anything. i told her she expects me to be a maid when i get nothing and she gets everything. i told her i am not that much older than her but everyone expects me to be an adult. i asked her how she'd feel if she was supposed to juggle a younger sibling, taking care of the bulk of household chores, schoolwork and not getting time with friends. that the only reason you have shit is because you work, but it leaves you exhausted because you already have so much on. i told her that is my life and she doesn't make me want to stay any more than our parents do. to cut this short she's upset and i was called an asshole for being so mean to her. my sister said i was an asshole for dumping all that on her shoulders. aita?	21,675	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xxx7ah/aita_for_dumping_the_truth_on_my_sister/	2022-10-07 11:57:27	nta but your parents sure are	> i was called an asshole for being so mean to her there is a difference between being mean and being honest at a breaking point. you didn't call her names. you didn't say things to insult her. all you did was tell her how you've felt all these years. if her response to being told that you have had nothing your whole life while she had everything is to call you "mean" she is too far gone. maybe later in life she'll see what was happening and may try to make amends and you can have a sister. but right now you have two bosses and a client. nta	nta in my opinion. i know you said she’s a kid but you’re also a kid, you don’t deserve this kind of treatment from your parents and should get to be a kid. you’re not her parent. she’s also 14, old enough to know what’s going on and understand that it’s not right. she needs to know that information.	"my sister said i was an asshole for dumping all that on her shoulders." but it was ok whilst all that was on your shoulders, alone, for all those years?!! sounds like she needed a reality check & you need to get outta there asap!! your childhood was stolen from you, don't let them take anymore op. nta ... and good luck 👍	nta but do a dna test once you’re free. i have a hunch that she might be your half sister.	you’re nta. i don’t blame you for leaving, your parents suck. your sister is a product of her environment and sadly never developed the self awareness to see it until you called her out. the truth hurts. make your plans, get out. enjoy your life.	nta, i was in a similar position but i did the job so bad they don't ask me to do anything anymore (•ω•)	nta. there's no excuse for unequal splitting of money like this. your parents took you for granted and it's going to bite them in the *** at some point, that's why they called you an ah. because they're having to deal with consequences of their own actions and they don't like it. your sister will probably get upset and or be upset with you. this is very normal for someone who's had their reality shattered. up until now she (i assume) thought your parents were just as great to you as they were to her. being younger she just wouldn't notice that something was different about your treatment unless she got some outside perspective. she will need to work through it in her mind like you did and that will take some time.	nta- you spoke the truth. i don’t blame your for leaving. have you ever addressed this with your parents? like why it’s so unbalanced?	nta is it possible you’re an affair baby? that’s a lot of difference in treatment for same sex sibling with a small age gap. so, did you sit down with your parents and sister and ask them point blank how much exactly is in your college fund versus hers? it’s possible they’ll say $x just to save face in front of their baby girl - in which case get tuition paid to your school and useful supplies bought asap. if you can get a semester or two paid for that is probably worth sticking around a bit longer. unless you’re in those lucky countries where college is affordable.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents had two girls me (17f) and my sister (14f). i have always felt like my parents saw me as a babysitter, as a third adult in the house, and have expected me to be a 40 year old kid/teenager. whereas my sister was their baby. they spoil her rotten. they adore her. she has never wanted for anything and they do everything to make her happy. i was expected to help take care of my sister for as long as i can remember. she's not special needs, was never sick, wasn't even a preemie either. but that was the dynamic that was set up. i remember i would come home from school and mom would have me help feed my sister. she would have me watch her then while she was in and out of the house. i would be told i needed to play with her if my sister was upset. she'd miss me a lot and my parents would insist i dedicate my time to her once i was home. we'd go out as a family and she'd want something and they'd get it for her. but i would be told to act my age if i wanted something. she would get to hang out with friends whenever she wanted, would have really amazing birthday parties and sleepovers that i was never allowed to have. i also never got to attend sleepovers at other friends houses. there were times my parents would take her to do really amazing stuff and i was left behind. over time my sister started to get annoyed by my pulling back when i was around 15. i kept to myself, i'm moody around them, i don't engage in the "family", i take the punishments rather than do chores since she has none assigned to her. my parents hate that i won't be the little house keeper they wanted. my sister has told me i'm a brat and ungrateful for not helping our parents who are amazing. over time it has gotten worse. then she heard me making plans to leave with my friends in a couple of months. she was so pissed that i was going to leave the family behind and that i hadn't told the family anything. she talked about how mom and dad have saved for us to go to college and i just wanna run away. something broke inside me when she said that. i told her she has a college fund waiting for her, but i don't. just like she can get anything she wants while i'm told to act my age and not want anything. i told her she expects me to be a maid when i get nothing and she gets everything. i told her i am not that much older than her but everyone expects me to be an adult. i asked her how she'd feel if she was supposed to juggle a younger sibling, taking care of the bulk of household chores, schoolwork and not getting time with friends. that the only reason you have shit is because you work, but it leaves you exhausted because you already have so much on. i told her that is my life and she doesn't make me want to stay any more than our parents do. to cut this short she's upset and i was called an asshole for being so mean to her. my sister said i was an asshole for dumping all that on her shoulders. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my parents had two girls me (17f) and my sister (14f). i have always felt like my parents saw me as a babysitter, as a third adult in the house, and have expected me to be a 40 year old kid/teenager. whereas my sister was their baby. they spoil her rotten. they adore her. she has never wanted for anything and they do everything to make her happy. i was expected to help take care of my sister for as long as i can remember. she's not special needs, was never sick, wasn't even a preemie either. but that was the dynamic that was set up. i remember i would come home from school and mom would have me help feed my sister. she would have me watch her then while she was in and out of the house. i would be told i needed to play with her if my sister was upset. she'd miss me a lot and my parents would insist i dedicate my time to her once i was home. we'd go out as a family and she'd want something and they'd get it for her. but i would be told to act my age if i wanted something. she would get to hang out with friends whenever she wanted, would have really amazing birthday parties and sleepovers that i was never allowed to have. i also never got to attend sleepovers at other friends houses. there were times my parents would take her to do really amazing stuff and i was left behind. over time my sister started to get annoyed by my pulling back when i was around 15. i kept to myself, i'm moody around them, i don't engage in the "family", i take the punishments rather than do chores since she has none assigned to her. my parents hate that i won't be the little house keeper they wanted. my sister has told me i'm a brat and ungrateful for not helping our parents who are amazing. over time it has gotten worse. then she heard me making plans to leave with my friends in a couple of months. she was so pissed that i was going to leave the family behind and that i hadn't told the family anything. she talked about how mom and dad have saved for us to go to college and i just wanna run away. something broke inside me when she said that. i told her she has a college fund waiting for her, but i don't. just like she can get anything she wants while i'm told to act my age and not want anything. i told her she expects me to be a maid when i get nothing and she gets everything. i told her i am not that much older than her but everyone expects me to be an adult. i asked her how she'd feel if she was supposed to juggle a younger sibling, taking care of the bulk of household chores, schoolwork and not getting time with friends. that the only reason you have shit is because you work, but it leaves you exhausted because you already have so much on. i told her that is my life and she doesn't make me want to stay any more than our parents do. to cut this short she's upset and i was called an asshole for being so mean to her. my sister said i was an asshole for dumping all that on her shoulders. aita? [/INST] nta but your parents sure are </s>
AITA for reporting my professor	there is a new professor (29f) who joined the university i attend, and she is one of the most stuck-up and difficult faculty member i (20f) know. she has a whole list of policies when it comes to classroom management, which includes a line about how no consultations will be entertained unless an appointment has been made at least one day in advance, and it has to include the questions you want her to answer. she claims its to ensure that every session is efficient and optimised, but i just think that she's lazy since it doesn't take much to just do her job of educating. she's also not around a lot, even though classes are still held online, and every time i go to her office during office hours, she tells me she's busy and to make an appointment. it's frustrating because i'm already there so why can't she take some time to answer my questions? recently, i waited until the end of the day to go see her (i expected it to be a maximum 10-15 minute discussion), and she told me that she was off work hours and to email her my questions. i was livid, and told her that she was unprofessional, as other professors did not treat their students that way. they were willing to put in more effort in their student's academic journey, something she didn't seem to care about. she asked how was her behaviour unprofessional, since she is only contractually obligated to work until 6pm and she made her instructions abundantly clear. i told her that its her job to help me learn, and she countered back rudely, saying that learning was my responsibility, and she couldn't think on my behalf. i reported her to the dean, who definitely had a talk with her, since she's been even colder in class and doesn't engage with us the way she used to. she is even stricter, and refuses to be flexible like she used to be, citing university policies i didn't know existed. my friends who know what i did are pissed, because despite her attitude, she really did bend the rules for them whenever they went to her for help.	6,643	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y3lgi1/aita_for_reporting_my_professor/	2022-10-14 05:48:25	yta. you shouldn’t expect people to work outside of working hours for you, much less report them for it.	i don’t get it, how would requiring an appointment and prepared questions be lazy?	yta. as a professor myself… you are the worst kind of student, with your entitlement. make a fucking appointment. it’s not difficult. be an adult. she is not there to cater to your entitlement.	yta, completely unreasonable to expect people to be at your beck and call at any time, especially outside work hours. this would be like you walking up to your barber at home on a sunday evening and demanding they cut your hair. similarly, asking appointments is not at all unreasonable: your prof presumably has many other demands on their time, and this allows them to dedicate a time slot to helping you. plus, allowing her to pre-rear on what you are asking her for will help her help you.	yta. why are you visiting the same professor multiple times during office hours? her strict rules were put into place to set boundaries for students like you. you're at a university, you're supposed to learn in a class of students. if you want one-on-one hand holding through your "academic journey," hire a tutor or maybe a nanny.	yta. she doesn’t sit around twiddling her thumbs waiting for students questions to fall out of the sky. how arrogant of you at a mere 20 to assume you know all the ins and outs of her work, responsibilities and accountabilities. she has to set boundaries to ensure she meets objectives. i am a senior manager…i have 40 staff who constantly interrupt my day with their endless questions. if i permitted every person to interrupt me every day for “just 10-15 minutes” that would be an entire 10 hour working day dissolved. so yes…i’m with her. make an appointment. be prepared ahead of time. 9/10 by making someone write down their question they figure out the answer anyway.	she made her policy clear, yet you violated it numerous times because you felt it was unreasonable and instead expected her to bend over backwards outside of her working hours to help you? and then reported her for...what, exactly? not catering to you, personally, for whatever spoon-feeding you evidently need? do you realize how many students she has to deal with? yta. no wonder there's a teaching shortage, i can't imagine why anyone would want to deal with this kind of treatment.	yta. you're not in high school anymore. she was behaving like an adult with professional boundaries. you responded like a child and now everyone suffers.	i didn't really get "stuck-up" from what you described. asking students to send questions before meetings is for your benefit—she can look over what you want to discuss beforehand. i'm sure if you actually scheduled a meeting you could deviate from/add questions as you have a conversation with her. yta.	[removed]	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: there is a new professor (29f) who joined the university i attend, and she is one of the most stuck-up and difficult faculty member i (20f) know. she has a whole list of policies when it comes to classroom management, which includes a line about how no consultations will be entertained unless an appointment has been made at least one day in advance, and it has to include the questions you want her to answer. she claims its to ensure that every session is efficient and optimised, but i just think that she's lazy since it doesn't take much to just do her job of educating. she's also not around a lot, even though classes are still held online, and every time i go to her office during office hours, she tells me she's busy and to make an appointment. it's frustrating because i'm already there so why can't she take some time to answer my questions? recently, i waited until the end of the day to go see her (i expected it to be a maximum 10-15 minute discussion), and she told me that she was off work hours and to email her my questions. i was livid, and told her that she was unprofessional, as other professors did not treat their students that way. they were willing to put in more effort in their student's academic journey, something she didn't seem to care about. she asked how was her behaviour unprofessional, since she is only contractually obligated to work until 6pm and she made her instructions abundantly clear. i told her that its her job to help me learn, and she countered back rudely, saying that learning was my responsibility, and she couldn't think on my behalf. i reported her to the dean, who definitely had a talk with her, since she's been even colder in class and doesn't engage with us the way she used to. she is even stricter, and refuses to be flexible like she used to be, citing university policies i didn't know existed. my friends who know what i did are pissed, because despite her attitude, she really did bend the rules for them whenever they went to her for help.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> there is a new professor (29f) who joined the university i attend, and she is one of the most stuck-up and difficult faculty member i (20f) know. she has a whole list of policies when it comes to classroom management, which includes a line about how no consultations will be entertained unless an appointment has been made at least one day in advance, and it has to include the questions you want her to answer. she claims its to ensure that every session is efficient and optimised, but i just think that she's lazy since it doesn't take much to just do her job of educating. she's also not around a lot, even though classes are still held online, and every time i go to her office during office hours, she tells me she's busy and to make an appointment. it's frustrating because i'm already there so why can't she take some time to answer my questions? recently, i waited until the end of the day to go see her (i expected it to be a maximum 10-15 minute discussion), and she told me that she was off work hours and to email her my questions. i was livid, and told her that she was unprofessional, as other professors did not treat their students that way. they were willing to put in more effort in their student's academic journey, something she didn't seem to care about. she asked how was her behaviour unprofessional, since she is only contractually obligated to work until 6pm and she made her instructions abundantly clear. i told her that its her job to help me learn, and she countered back rudely, saying that learning was my responsibility, and she couldn't think on my behalf. i reported her to the dean, who definitely had a talk with her, since she's been even colder in class and doesn't engage with us the way she used to. she is even stricter, and refuses to be flexible like she used to be, citing university policies i didn't know existed. my friends who know what i did are pissed, because despite her attitude, she really did bend the rules for them whenever they went to her for help. [/INST] yta. you shouldn’t expect people to work outside of working hours for you, much less report them for it. </s>
AITA for not letting my gf be removed from the lease?	my gf and i lived together for 5 months and it’s been going good. but her grandma recently had a fall and requires care and someone to live with her because she was on the ground for hours before gf’s mom found her. our apartment is one of the cheapest and yet i can’t afford it alone, my gf wants me to remove her from the lease while she lives with her grandma. but i don’t want to live with a roommate anymore and told her she should keep paying for the apartment that we sign a year for since living with her grandma is free. but she’s angry that i won’t remove her from the lease and find a roommate calling me childish for not just finding someone else to live with in the meantime and letting her live with her grandma which is a hour away. but how is it fair she goes to live with her grandma rent free while i’m stuck with a stranger i don’t know when she can continue to pay her half and just live with her grandma? i’ve told the landlord im not taking her off the lease and she’s threatened to break up with me because of it.	7,899	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq6x6i/aita_for_not_letting_my_gf_be_removed_from_the/	2022-11-09 03:09:28	yta, major, major and may the karma you put out be reflected back to you. she’s literally going to help her grandma, she’s going to be working to keep her safe and you call that rent free? seriously?	yta. this relationship sounds doomed. it would be reasonable to expect her to cover her half of the rent until you found a roommate. but pay half for the rest of the year for a place she doesn't live in? just because you don't like roommates? all because her grandmother had an emergency and needs care?! yikes.	yta let me give you the skinny on falls and the elderly. if they’re talking nursing home (and likely a medicare bed) that means the fall was bad. if she broke her hip, you have to understand that depending on her age, that means she’s something like 70-90% more likely to pass in the next six months. the elderly do not bounce back (not that a fractured hip at any age is anything to sneeze at). in short, your girlfriend isn’t going to be staying rent free. her “rent” will be providing palliative care for her grandmother, and potentially watching her die by degrees.	yta. you have probably already altered her opinion of you by being so selfish. this relationship isn't going to last much longer.	yta. and yes, she probably will break up with you. you value her more as a roommate than a love.	remove her from your lease. and then remove her from your life. it's unfathomable that someone could be that selfish. how can someone possibly survive at this deficit of compassion, integrity, or empathy for someone they claim to love enough to cohabitate with. cut her loose, so she can get exactly what she deserves for instance, a man that gives a damn about her yta.	i'm waffling between nobody sucking but leaning toward esh because both your attitudes and that neither of you seem willing to compromise. however, i'm not sure why people are so quick to dismiss the fact that your girlfriend signed a lease. if she were living on her own she couldn't just decide to stop paying rent to help her grandma. it sucks, but it's life. that's a binding agreement. personally, i would not want to live with a roommate other than a partner either. i have gone to great lengths to live in places i could afford to make sure that i can be on my own. that's meant far away neighborhoods with long commutes, small spaces, not super great neighborhoods, you name it. so i understand where you're coming from. perhaps the best solution is to figure out how much it would cost to break the lease and split it between you two. then you could find a place you can afford on your own.	omg huge yta. she’s going to take care of her grandmother- it’s not like she’s on holiday or something. why should she pay half your rent if she’s not even going to live in the apartment anymore? you are absolutely childish - grow up and get a roommate. take her off the lease dude.	wow- so your girlfriend’s grandmother just went through a medical emergency that now requires a live-in aid either temporarily or permanently - and you don’t want to let her out of the lease because “it’s not fair”? she’s not living there rent free- she is going to be helping her grandmother - which- having done this for someone- is exhausting work. it is physically and emotionally draining af to do what your gf is about to do. if she is still going to hold down a job while doing this she is going to be exhausted with no bandwidth for your bullshit. and instead of being supportive, or coming up with a compromise- you are just refusing because a roommate is inconvenient. so- your soon to be ex is basically going to break your lease, and you will both be out your deposit. so good luck with that. yta.	info: can she not pay to break the lease?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	INFO	0.007204	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf and i lived together for 5 months and it’s been going good. but her grandma recently had a fall and requires care and someone to live with her because she was on the ground for hours before gf’s mom found her. our apartment is one of the cheapest and yet i can’t afford it alone, my gf wants me to remove her from the lease while she lives with her grandma. but i don’t want to live with a roommate anymore and told her she should keep paying for the apartment that we sign a year for since living with her grandma is free. but she’s angry that i won’t remove her from the lease and find a roommate calling me childish for not just finding someone else to live with in the meantime and letting her live with her grandma which is a hour away. but how is it fair she goes to live with her grandma rent free while i’m stuck with a stranger i don’t know when she can continue to pay her half and just live with her grandma? i’ve told the landlord im not taking her off the lease and she’s threatened to break up with me because of it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my gf and i lived together for 5 months and it’s been going good. but her grandma recently had a fall and requires care and someone to live with her because she was on the ground for hours before gf’s mom found her. our apartment is one of the cheapest and yet i can’t afford it alone, my gf wants me to remove her from the lease while she lives with her grandma. but i don’t want to live with a roommate anymore and told her she should keep paying for the apartment that we sign a year for since living with her grandma is free. but she’s angry that i won’t remove her from the lease and find a roommate calling me childish for not just finding someone else to live with in the meantime and letting her live with her grandma which is a hour away. but how is it fair she goes to live with her grandma rent free while i’m stuck with a stranger i don’t know when she can continue to pay her half and just live with her grandma? i’ve told the landlord im not taking her off the lease and she’s threatened to break up with me because of it. [/INST] yta, major, major and may the karma you put out be reflected back to you. she’s literally going to help her grandma, she’s going to be working to keep her safe and you call that rent free? seriously? </s>
AITA for getting mad at my SIL for getting another dog?	my sil, meaning my husband's sister, is the kind of person you'd call a dog mom. she and her fiancé don't have kids of their own yet and i don't think they'll have kids anytime soon since they're both 25 and they consider themselves young. that doesn't really matter though. the problem is the fact that they have 2 dogs already and they just got a 3rd dog. when i found out i got pissed off. i don't care what she does in her own house and how many dogs she has but i get upset with the fact that whether she likes it or not her actions and dogs affects my family as well. i am a mother of 3 kids. every xmas and summer my husband and i go on vacation to his family's vacation house. his sister, her fiancé and their dogs are also there. her getting another dog means that there's also another dog everytime we might come across each other at the vacation house. i don't hate dogs like many people do but i'm not a fan either and the fact that she didn't take into account how another dog would affect mine and my family's vacation at that vacation house everytime we come across each other pisses me off. i voiced my concerns to my husband and he later spoke to his mom and dad about it. his mom and dad scolded my sil and her fiancé about how they can't keep getting pets without thinking of the rest of the family who doesn't like spending time with dogs whenever we are vacationing together. my husband and my in laws got in a heated fight with my sil over this and my sil called me crying and said i should be happy because she's never stepping foot in the vacation house again. she also reminded me how the vacation house is also hers and not just my husband's and my in laws since her name is on the house too and how i have a lot of nerve for basically kicking her out of her own property and causing a fight between her and her family. my in laws and my husband said she'll get over it but that i shouldn't expect her to get rid of any dogs right now but that after the fight they're certain she won't get another dog ever again because of the shame she felt with that fight. part of me feels guilty over this but i also stood my ground and i'm glad i put a stop into this madness for once. aita?	4,351	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tq7esz/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_sil_for_getting/	2022-03-28 11:46:01	yta. she can't get a third dog but you can get a third kid ?	yta her names on the property. this is something for the others to figure out, you had no business butting in. don't want to spend time with the dogs? well guess what, it's not your vacation home. be glad you have the chance of being able to go there in the first place!	yta i don't like kids, but would never have dreamed of saying to you "why did you have a 3rd kid, i don't want to put up with a baby/toddler whilst on vacation" if it bothers you that much, then communicate and try to ensure your vacation dates don't overlap.	>she also reminded me how the vacation house is also hers and not just my husband's and my in laws since her name is on the house too and how i have a lot of nerve for basically kicking her out of her own property and causing a fight between her and her family. yta. everyone else is an ah too except the sil. she is a partial owner. banning her from a vacation home she partially owns is ridiculous. >when i found out i got pissed off. i don't care what she does in her own house and how many dogs she has but i get upset with the fact that whether she likes it or not her actions and dogs affects my family as well. i am a mother of 3 kids. if you don't think vacationing with 3 kids is annoying, you're wrong. especially when those kids don't belong to you. i say this as a mom too. most adults without kids don't want to vacation with your kids anymore than you want to vacation with her dogs.	yta did you ask her when you had three kids that you drag to the vacation home?	yta you expect someone to not get a dog…. that lives in their house (not yours) because you “have to” spend your vacation with said dogs…. in a house that technically is more here than yours. unless the dogs are a danger to you or the kids, you really have no right to complain. you expecting someone to refrain from getting pets so you don’t have to deal with them while on vacation is quite entitled.	yta. not everyone wants to run across your kids at the vacation house either.	yta you say you don’t care what she does in her own house and yet as soon as they get another dog in their own home you lose your s**t if you don’t like dogs don’t vacation at the vacation home at the same time….problem solved!! also your sister in law is right, the vacation home is also hers and not yours so she does have a right to take them there	yta did you consider how it would change their vacation that you have three kids?	yta. did you even consider other peoples comfort being forced to come into contact with children on vacation?? it was awfully selfish of you to get a third child that people will have to meet in their property when chilling on vacation. oh, wait. did no one complain about that? then stfu and stop being selfish. that's not your property anyway so respect your sil.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sil, meaning my husband's sister, is the kind of person you'd call a dog mom. she and her fiancé don't have kids of their own yet and i don't think they'll have kids anytime soon since they're both 25 and they consider themselves young. that doesn't really matter though. the problem is the fact that they have 2 dogs already and they just got a 3rd dog. when i found out i got pissed off. i don't care what she does in her own house and how many dogs she has but i get upset with the fact that whether she likes it or not her actions and dogs affects my family as well. i am a mother of 3 kids. every xmas and summer my husband and i go on vacation to his family's vacation house. his sister, her fiancé and their dogs are also there. her getting another dog means that there's also another dog everytime we might come across each other at the vacation house. i don't hate dogs like many people do but i'm not a fan either and the fact that she didn't take into account how another dog would affect mine and my family's vacation at that vacation house everytime we come across each other pisses me off. i voiced my concerns to my husband and he later spoke to his mom and dad about it. his mom and dad scolded my sil and her fiancé about how they can't keep getting pets without thinking of the rest of the family who doesn't like spending time with dogs whenever we are vacationing together. my husband and my in laws got in a heated fight with my sil over this and my sil called me crying and said i should be happy because she's never stepping foot in the vacation house again. she also reminded me how the vacation house is also hers and not just my husband's and my in laws since her name is on the house too and how i have a lot of nerve for basically kicking her out of her own property and causing a fight between her and her family. my in laws and my husband said she'll get over it but that i shouldn't expect her to get rid of any dogs right now but that after the fight they're certain she won't get another dog ever again because of the shame she felt with that fight. part of me feels guilty over this but i also stood my ground and i'm glad i put a stop into this madness for once. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my sil, meaning my husband's sister, is the kind of person you'd call a dog mom. she and her fiancé don't have kids of their own yet and i don't think they'll have kids anytime soon since they're both 25 and they consider themselves young. that doesn't really matter though. the problem is the fact that they have 2 dogs already and they just got a 3rd dog. when i found out i got pissed off. i don't care what she does in her own house and how many dogs she has but i get upset with the fact that whether she likes it or not her actions and dogs affects my family as well. i am a mother of 3 kids. every xmas and summer my husband and i go on vacation to his family's vacation house. his sister, her fiancé and their dogs are also there. her getting another dog means that there's also another dog everytime we might come across each other at the vacation house. i don't hate dogs like many people do but i'm not a fan either and the fact that she didn't take into account how another dog would affect mine and my family's vacation at that vacation house everytime we come across each other pisses me off. i voiced my concerns to my husband and he later spoke to his mom and dad about it. his mom and dad scolded my sil and her fiancé about how they can't keep getting pets without thinking of the rest of the family who doesn't like spending time with dogs whenever we are vacationing together. my husband and my in laws got in a heated fight with my sil over this and my sil called me crying and said i should be happy because she's never stepping foot in the vacation house again. she also reminded me how the vacation house is also hers and not just my husband's and my in laws since her name is on the house too and how i have a lot of nerve for basically kicking her out of her own property and causing a fight between her and her family. my in laws and my husband said she'll get over it but that i shouldn't expect her to get rid of any dogs right now but that after the fight they're certain she won't get another dog ever again because of the shame she felt with that fight. part of me feels guilty over this but i also stood my ground and i'm glad i put a stop into this madness for once. aita? [/INST] yta. she can't get a third dog but you can get a third kid ? </s>
AITA for blowing up on my husband infront of his family during N.Y.E celebration after he joked about my birth experience?	throwaway because i feel so embarrassed. i f25 gave birth to my daughter weeks ago, my experience was pretty traumatic and since it was my first, i had no clue what to expect. forgive me for the vague details for privacy but i'll mention all the relevent stuff, i promise. when i went into labor i had the most difficult time of my life, i was in pain for hours. my mom was with me but she had to go and my husband was with me the entire time. i did something so embarrasing in the delivery room, i pooped myself which was unexpected and just...i don't know but it was embarrassing and although my medical team were very professional about it, my husband couldn't help himself and started laughing about it later and even telling my family about it but they didn't react, just didn't find it funny and neither did i, in fact, i found it embarrassing and i already told him to stop bringing it up especially when he started joking about getting me diapers for my "opsies!!". it got really tiring and chipped away from my selfesteem and confidence. we were with his parents celebrating new year's eve together when i excused myself to the bathroom. while i was getting up he made a quick remark and said "oh yeah, you should go quickly because we don't want any accidents just like the one we had at the hospital, you know what i mean?" while blinking at me. his family actually laughed and bil commented "good one!". i was astonished and so angry and ashamed, i literally just lost it on him and yelled at the top of my lungs calling him a cruel insensitive jerk to be using the difficult experience of birthing his child as a joking matter and humiliating me infront of everybody. he was shocked, staring back at me and not saying a word. all went silent and i just stormed off to the bathroom til we left and that was when he snapped saying i messed up by talking to him like that infront of his family during dinner, i said i couldn't hold my tongue for that long and after he kept joking about an embarrassing thing when i told him to stop. he said he was just joking and i went overboard with my reaction and also, i should've sucked it up and waited til we got home so we could address this privately and i could even yell at him as long as i wanted. we argued about it after we got home and he kept saying i humiliated him infront of his family during the celebratory evening by being petty and trying to one up him... he even said i should've laughed along not fly off the handle liks that. did i overreact?.	25,993	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ru7yin/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_husband_infront_of_his/	2022-01-02 11:38:23	nta. what a cruel and immature joke to make, ask him to push a watermelon out his dick and see if he can do it without any “embarrassing accidents”. if you had addressed this in private he would’ve said the same thing: you’re emotional and overreacting. he did it in front of his parents and family to corner you. this behavior needs to get nipped asap women release bowels during labor all the time, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.	nta what the hell? so he can humiliate you by “joking” in front of his entire family about a deeply private, personal and traumatic experience that you have already asked him to stop making remarks about, but if you call him out on it in front of those same people, somehow you’re at fault. his idea of “not embarrassing him” is pretending your feelings don’t exist even when he deliberately embarrassed you, just so he doesn’t have to lose face by being held accountable for his crappy treatment of you. absolutely the fuck not. he is one billion per cent in the wrong, and the fact that he thinks he can ignore your feelings about this entire situation because he’s “just joking” is ridiculous and pathetic. what is he, 12 years old? he’s supposed to be a husband to you and a father to the child that you brought into the world - if this is the best he can do, he already sucks at both. the lack of consideration be shows for your feelings is astonishing. you owe him not one single scrap of an apology: if he doesn’t want you to yell at him in front of other people, he shouldn’t deliberately humiliate you in front of them. all of this is on him. feel free to show him this so he knows that he sucks a whole field of dicks in this situation and owes you a massive, grovelling apology. and congratulations on your baby!!	[removed]	nta. pooping during labour is natural and expected by the doctors/midwives, that’s why they don’t bat an eyelid when it happens. your husband is definitely ta and needs to grow the hell up and understand that you and your body have been through a traumatic experience. he should be supporting you, not bringing you down. you need to tell him that he’s acting like an immature child who is fascinated by poop!	not the asshole. start telling everyone about his erectile dysfunction, see how he likes it. there’s no excuse for ridiculing your spouse like this, especially just after giving birth and the associated trauma. being mean isn’t funny, he needs to grow the f up.	nta. you absolutely did not overreact. your husband is an idiot. an insensitive, immature one. most women i know pooped themselves during birth. your husband needs to grow up.	[removed]	nta you know if there's one thing i really, really loathe, it's that shocked pikachu face that some people do when you've been calmly and reasonably setting your boundaries and asking them to stop and they ignore it and keep poking at you, and you finally snap. and they have the gall to look so affronted. like how are you surprised, buddy. it's infuriating. and as is typical, your husband then gets even more outrageous by reversing victim and offender. you shouldn't say anything about his bs in front of others but he can joke about your rough brith?? come onnnn.	first i just want to say, i get pooping during delivery can be embarrassing, but you’re not the first mom to do it and won’t be the last. i peed on my doctor because baby wouldn’t let the catheter through. second, nta. you’ve asked him repeatedly to stop making a joke about it and he can’t. and frankly i would have been screaming that at him in front of his family so they really know how much of a dick he is. he’s humiliated because they know how insensitive he is being to you, not your problem.	it's only a joke if the person targeted laughs. otherwise it is bullying. you asked him to stop, he did not respect that. you asked him not to bring it up, he has appearantly already done so to his family at least once since they understood the joke. why are his feeling of wanting to be funny more important than your feeling of human diginity? seriously, most woman either pee or poop during child birth. you're a little busy at that point in time, y'know?! does he laugh when he is doing diapers too?	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because i feel so embarrassed. i f25 gave birth to my daughter weeks ago, my experience was pretty traumatic and since it was my first, i had no clue what to expect. forgive me for the vague details for privacy but i'll mention all the relevent stuff, i promise. when i went into labor i had the most difficult time of my life, i was in pain for hours. my mom was with me but she had to go and my husband was with me the entire time. i did something so embarrasing in the delivery room, i pooped myself which was unexpected and just...i don't know but it was embarrassing and although my medical team were very professional about it, my husband couldn't help himself and started laughing about it later and even telling my family about it but they didn't react, just didn't find it funny and neither did i, in fact, i found it embarrassing and i already told him to stop bringing it up especially when he started joking about getting me diapers for my "opsies!!". it got really tiring and chipped away from my selfesteem and confidence. we were with his parents celebrating new year's eve together when i excused myself to the bathroom. while i was getting up he made a quick remark and said "oh yeah, you should go quickly because we don't want any accidents just like the one we had at the hospital, you know what i mean?" while blinking at me. his family actually laughed and bil commented "good one!". i was astonished and so angry and ashamed, i literally just lost it on him and yelled at the top of my lungs calling him a cruel insensitive jerk to be using the difficult experience of birthing his child as a joking matter and humiliating me infront of everybody. he was shocked, staring back at me and not saying a word. all went silent and i just stormed off to the bathroom til we left and that was when he snapped saying i messed up by talking to him like that infront of his family during dinner, i said i couldn't hold my tongue for that long and after he kept joking about an embarrassing thing when i told him to stop. he said he was just joking and i went overboard with my reaction and also, i should've sucked it up and waited til we got home so we could address this privately and i could even yell at him as long as i wanted. we argued about it after we got home and he kept saying i humiliated him infront of his family during the celebratory evening by being petty and trying to one up him... he even said i should've laughed along not fly off the handle liks that. did i overreact?.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway because i feel so embarrassed. i f25 gave birth to my daughter weeks ago, my experience was pretty traumatic and since it was my first, i had no clue what to expect. forgive me for the vague details for privacy but i'll mention all the relevent stuff, i promise. when i went into labor i had the most difficult time of my life, i was in pain for hours. my mom was with me but she had to go and my husband was with me the entire time. i did something so embarrasing in the delivery room, i pooped myself which was unexpected and just...i don't know but it was embarrassing and although my medical team were very professional about it, my husband couldn't help himself and started laughing about it later and even telling my family about it but they didn't react, just didn't find it funny and neither did i, in fact, i found it embarrassing and i already told him to stop bringing it up especially when he started joking about getting me diapers for my "opsies!!". it got really tiring and chipped away from my selfesteem and confidence. we were with his parents celebrating new year's eve together when i excused myself to the bathroom. while i was getting up he made a quick remark and said "oh yeah, you should go quickly because we don't want any accidents just like the one we had at the hospital, you know what i mean?" while blinking at me. his family actually laughed and bil commented "good one!". i was astonished and so angry and ashamed, i literally just lost it on him and yelled at the top of my lungs calling him a cruel insensitive jerk to be using the difficult experience of birthing his child as a joking matter and humiliating me infront of everybody. he was shocked, staring back at me and not saying a word. all went silent and i just stormed off to the bathroom til we left and that was when he snapped saying i messed up by talking to him like that infront of his family during dinner, i said i couldn't hold my tongue for that long and after he kept joking about an embarrassing thing when i told him to stop. he said he was just joking and i went overboard with my reaction and also, i should've sucked it up and waited til we got home so we could address this privately and i could even yell at him as long as i wanted. we argued about it after we got home and he kept saying i humiliated him infront of his family during the celebratory evening by being petty and trying to one up him... he even said i should've laughed along not fly off the handle liks that. did i overreact?. [/INST] nta. what a cruel and immature joke to make, ask him to push a watermelon out his dick and see if he can do it without any “embarrassing accidents”. if you had addressed this in private he would’ve said the same thing: you’re emotional and overreacting. he did it in front of his parents and family to corner you. this behavior needs to get nipped asap women release bowels during labor all the time, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. </s>
AITA for kicking my friend out the car?	earlier today, i was driving my friends back home after we worked out. we passed these two girls walking and one of my friends rolls down his window and says "i like how those t****** jiggle, how about you give the boys a flash." i instantly got angry when he said that. i pulled around the corner and told him to get out. he thought i was joking but i wasn't and he started arguing. he was saying it was just a joke and he was messing around everyone was on his side saying it wasn't a big deal. at first he said he wasn't getting out but then i said i was gunna snatch him out if he didn't. he finally did with no type of physical encouragement. he lived the furthest but i made him walk the rest of the way. everyone else was still mad at me. i dropped them all off and went on my way. i called the guy i kicked out to make sure he got home safe and told him to never say any shit like that around me ever again. he apologized but was still mad because he thought me making him walk was too far. aita?	24,832	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o4yb5g/aita_for_kicking_my_friend_out_the_car/	2021-06-21 15:53:17	nta - the only way to change entitled men who think they can comment on women they pass is by showing them it's wrong. you've done this. way to go!	nta those women don’t think it’s funny. that’s not a joke, that’s sexual harassment. it’s 2021, everyone should be well aware that that shit ain’t ok. eta; thank you kind redditors for the awards!	nta- it’s not the eighties so he doesn’t have to search for pay phone to call someone. he can call an uber. screw that guy. let women walk in peace, fellas.	nta. oh my god. please don't ever stop being this considerate. you made sure your friend got home okay while also enforcing respect for women. i used to have to walk home from work in california and i can't tell you how often men propositioned me from their car windows.	absolutely nta. as a woman you are exposed to sexual harassment almost constantly. the first time it happened to me i was 12 i didn’t understand why grown men were looking at me like that. men routinely make women feel unsafe just for existing. and often men support their friends who are making women feel unsafe. by calling out your friend’s problematic behavior you stood up for this woman and made it clear that that behavior was unacceptable. you are an ally and you should be proud of yourself for that	nta sounds like someone needed a lesson on how not to be a pig. good on you for providing one.	this is one of those posts where you know you’re not ta, you just want to post.	no, nta - he's pathetic as are the friends that are mad at you. such blatant disrespect to any woman.	nta, omg i love your courage! thank you! thank you! thank you, for protecting those young ladies. this was a hard lesson your friend needed to learn and i hope he becomes a better man for it. we need more people like you in this world. nta!!!	nta. i can tell for who it was most likely a big deal: the women he harrassed. this is catcalling at it's most primitive, yikes. honestly, if he has a history of this, maybe rethink your friendship. they have no right to act towards this towards other people, your other friends included. if you can't behave as an adult, you walk, simple as that.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: earlier today, i was driving my friends back home after we worked out. we passed these two girls walking and one of my friends rolls down his window and says "i like how those t****** jiggle, how about you give the boys a flash." i instantly got angry when he said that. i pulled around the corner and told him to get out. he thought i was joking but i wasn't and he started arguing. he was saying it was just a joke and he was messing around everyone was on his side saying it wasn't a big deal. at first he said he wasn't getting out but then i said i was gunna snatch him out if he didn't. he finally did with no type of physical encouragement. he lived the furthest but i made him walk the rest of the way. everyone else was still mad at me. i dropped them all off and went on my way. i called the guy i kicked out to make sure he got home safe and told him to never say any shit like that around me ever again. he apologized but was still mad because he thought me making him walk was too far. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> earlier today, i was driving my friends back home after we worked out. we passed these two girls walking and one of my friends rolls down his window and says "i like how those t****** jiggle, how about you give the boys a flash." i instantly got angry when he said that. i pulled around the corner and told him to get out. he thought i was joking but i wasn't and he started arguing. he was saying it was just a joke and he was messing around everyone was on his side saying it wasn't a big deal. at first he said he wasn't getting out but then i said i was gunna snatch him out if he didn't. he finally did with no type of physical encouragement. he lived the furthest but i made him walk the rest of the way. everyone else was still mad at me. i dropped them all off and went on my way. i called the guy i kicked out to make sure he got home safe and told him to never say any shit like that around me ever again. he apologized but was still mad because he thought me making him walk was too far. aita? [/INST] nta - the only way to change entitled men who think they can comment on women they pass is by showing them it's wrong. you've done this. way to go! </s>
AITA for not wanting my son to have a cupcake at a birthday party.	so some context. my son is 9, and though we do allow him to have sweets, we try to limit his intake of them and my wife and i have agreed on this. now to the birthday party. we are there, he is playing, had some lunch and is running around with the other kids while myself and the other adults are having conversations. i go to get a water and see him hunched over kinda hiding behind the table with all the food. i see him chewing something and come to find out he is eating cookies. no big deal, he could have asked to have some, but he knew that his sweet for that day would have been the cake/cupcakes that were going to be served. so i told him that since he wanted to be sneaky and try to eat cookies without being caught, he would not get a cupcake. fast forward to them serving the cupcakes, and my wife sends him to go wash his hands. once he leaves she says to me, 'i think he should have one, its rude if he doesn't', implying it would be rude to the hosts. i respond with, 'no, he knows the rules and he sneakily had cookies, so he doesn't deserve one'. well, clearly she didn't care and he ended up eating a cupcake, making me look like the bad parent/asshole. i dont believe i was wrong in this situation, but i guess you all can be the judge of that. tl;dr- my son isn't allowed a lot of sweets daily, caught him eating cookies, i said he now doesn't get a cupcake, wife trumped that decision and he got one anyway.	8,870	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uacz5t/aita_for_not_wanting_my_son_to_have_a_cupcake_at/	2022-04-23 19:33:22	yta. you've taught to hide his food intake, great parenting.	yta. you’re giving your 9 y/o son an eating disorder. congratulations.	“…so he doesn’t deserve one…” food isn’t something that your child earns. it’s not a negotiating tool. it’s not a reward. it’s not a prize for good behavior. if you want to fuck your kid up with an eating disorder, keep treating food as something that he ‘deserves’. as your wife overruled you, i suspect that she’s already figured that out. yta.	yta. you are raising a child who feels he has to hide to eat. this doesn’t bode well for his future. this is a very unhealthy level of control. i feel really sorry for this poor boy.	yta - it’s a birthday party. he is a kid. sweets are delicious. it’s sad that he has to hide from you to eat a cookie at a birthday party. even sadder is that he gets punished for eating a cookie by not being allowed to eat a cupcake. you are just setting up your kid to resent you and have food issues when he is older.	yta. you do not have to deserve food of any kind, ever. my parents limited foods like sweets. it sounds harmless, but it’s actually very dangerous. your intentions are good, however, there’s a difference between teaching a kid that there needs to be moderation (this is not what you’re doing) and teaching them there are good and bad foods (this is what you are doing). like your son, i grew up hiding food from my parents and binging. this later lead to a variety of eating disorders. i do not blame my parents at all, i know they were trying to teach me healthy eating habits and they lacked the knowledge we have a lot of access to now. please consider researching how to go about this. trust me, this is likely not the first time he has hidden food from you and if you do not reframe this, it will not be his last. boys suffer from disordered eating just like girls. some good resources are this article from the [nyt](https://www.nytimes.com/article/kids-healthy-eating-habits.html) and this from the [cleveland clinic](https://www.nytimes.com/article/kids-healthy-eating-habits.html). i know these might be very different from what you grew up with or think, but i urge you, for the health of your son, to please read and research more.	the fact that your poor kid felt the need to hide eating cookies from you shows that you are screwing up this whole parenting thing. having some cookies and a cupcake does no harm. in 20 years you’ll be sitting there wondering why he cut you out of his life. good luck with your control issues. yta.	yta. it’s not ok that your son has to hide behind a table eating a cookie quickly so he doesn’t get caught by you. hiding food is how eating disorders can begin. like he’s 9. yes you want your son to make healthy choices most of the time but he was at a birthday party and you think he should only be allowed a cupcake? that’s extremely controlling behaviour. if you continue acting this way you’re going to possibly find your son goes no contact when he’s older and it’s possible that when you no longer control everything he eats when he’s older he binges on really unhealthy food which will be an extremely bad for his health. he’s not your puppet.	yta. if your kid is hiding to eat, you are doing something seriously wrong. you and your son need help.	okay, but a birthday party isn’t daily. you knew the party was upcoming why didn’t you shift his sugar intake days if that was such a big deal? as a former educator, the fact that your kid is hiding eating is concerning. that’s the beginning phases of disordered eating that you both pushed onto him by treating sweets as some forbidden, bad, thing. you’ve essentially placed sweets on a pedestal. he will continue to hide and hoard sugar in upcoming years. a great resource that you need to check out would be [kids eat in color.](https://kidseatincolor.com/) she’s a nutritionist who explains how kids eating habits work and how to form healthy ones. she also openly discusses that treating sweet foods as if they’re bad leads to internal feelings of shame and guilt. as a nutritionist, she offers desserts to her children consistently. homemade, but they’re not used as a reward or a bargaining chip like you’re trying to do. limiting it means it becomes exciting to sneak it. “ah, i got away with it!” and then when he’s caught and you react like this it puts the shameful feeling onto a child. food is fuel. food is neutral.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so some context. my son is 9, and though we do allow him to have sweets, we try to limit his intake of them and my wife and i have agreed on this. now to the birthday party. we are there, he is playing, had some lunch and is running around with the other kids while myself and the other adults are having conversations. i go to get a water and see him hunched over kinda hiding behind the table with all the food. i see him chewing something and come to find out he is eating cookies. no big deal, he could have asked to have some, but he knew that his sweet for that day would have been the cake/cupcakes that were going to be served. so i told him that since he wanted to be sneaky and try to eat cookies without being caught, he would not get a cupcake. fast forward to them serving the cupcakes, and my wife sends him to go wash his hands. once he leaves she says to me, 'i think he should have one, its rude if he doesn't', implying it would be rude to the hosts. i respond with, 'no, he knows the rules and he sneakily had cookies, so he doesn't deserve one'. well, clearly she didn't care and he ended up eating a cupcake, making me look like the bad parent/asshole. i dont believe i was wrong in this situation, but i guess you all can be the judge of that. tl;dr- my son isn't allowed a lot of sweets daily, caught him eating cookies, i said he now doesn't get a cupcake, wife trumped that decision and he got one anyway.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so some context. my son is 9, and though we do allow him to have sweets, we try to limit his intake of them and my wife and i have agreed on this. now to the birthday party. we are there, he is playing, had some lunch and is running around with the other kids while myself and the other adults are having conversations. i go to get a water and see him hunched over kinda hiding behind the table with all the food. i see him chewing something and come to find out he is eating cookies. no big deal, he could have asked to have some, but he knew that his sweet for that day would have been the cake/cupcakes that were going to be served. so i told him that since he wanted to be sneaky and try to eat cookies without being caught, he would not get a cupcake. fast forward to them serving the cupcakes, and my wife sends him to go wash his hands. once he leaves she says to me, 'i think he should have one, its rude if he doesn't', implying it would be rude to the hosts. i respond with, 'no, he knows the rules and he sneakily had cookies, so he doesn't deserve one'. well, clearly she didn't care and he ended up eating a cupcake, making me look like the bad parent/asshole. i dont believe i was wrong in this situation, but i guess you all can be the judge of that. tl;dr- my son isn't allowed a lot of sweets daily, caught him eating cookies, i said he now doesn't get a cupcake, wife trumped that decision and he got one anyway. [/INST] yta. you've taught to hide his food intake, great parenting. </s>
AITA for banishing my teenage daughter's friend from our house because she made fun of my weight?	i (37f) have two kids with my husband (41m); a 14-year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son. our daughter has always been a little socially awkward to the point that we've had her tested since we suspected her of being on the spectrum. turns out she isn't on the spectrum; she's just a natural introvert. however, this year in school we were thrilled when our daughter made a new friend her age since that is an area in which she struggles. long story short she recently invited her new friend over (with our aproval) to have dinner at our house and then spend the night. so, my daughter's friend came over. my husband is usually the cook in the family and this night was no exception; he made us all a really nice meal. during the course of said meal i asked my daughter's friend; "are you enjoying the food?" she responded "yes! \[your husband\] is a great cook! no wonder you've ended up a bigger woman." the room got quiet for several moments. my husband tried to laugh it off and change the subject but i wasn't having it. the girl had just leveled a completely uncalled-for insult at me. my daughter's friend seemed to realize that she'd messed up but she didn't say anything else. we finished an awkward dinner in mostly silence and my daughter's friend did stay the night. this was a couple of months ago. recently my daughter asked if she could have her friend back over and i told her "sure; if she's going to apologize to me." when our daughter asked what i meant i reminded her of what she'd said. my daughter responded that it was over and she didn't want to bring it up again. she then went to her father and asked. he said "sure" but she then told him what i'd said. he came to me and said: "\[daughter's friend\] just felt awkward and tried to make a joke. it didn't land. for the sake of our daughter can't you just let it go?" yes, i could, but the thing is that i just want an apology from the girl. i need to see that she understands how rude she was before i can get on board with her and myy daughter hanging out. my husband says that i am being weird for insisting on an apology from a 14 year-old, especially since that girl is such a good friend of our daughter. i think it's weird that i'm still waiting for an apology from that same girl. seriously. that's all i need. i just need to know that any friend of my daughter is willing to own up to her screw ups.	27,935	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ze4qw3/aita_for_banishing_my_teenage_daughters_friend/	2022-12-06 11:58:39	yta. did it ever occur to you that the reason this girl and your daughter “clicked” as friends is that they’re both socially awkward? she’s a 14 year old kid. even with the best social skills, they often put their foot in their mouths. let it go. don’t ruin your daughter’s friendship because your ego was hurt by one off hand comment. **	yta. you should have asked for an apology at the table. what she said was very rude, and i think she knew it as soon as it came out of her mouth, but she didn’t know what to do to make it right. if you’d said “that’s was very rude, and i’d like an apology” she would have said “i’m sorry” right there, and while awkward, it would have been over. you missed your teaching moment. holding a grudge for months against a 14-year-old is silly, and you’re punishing your daughter unfairly. let the kid have a friend.	yta. stop it. you're the adult here; don't pick a fight with a 14 year old child. it's clear this kid didn't mean to upset you. do you really want to sabotage your own child's friendships because of your ego? you don't 'need' an apology. you need to act like an adult and shake it off.	as a bigger woman myself, yta. kids say dumb things. once a kid came up to me in the mall and said, “ewwww, you’re fat!” i responded, “ewww, you have brown hair!” she ran off crying to her mother.	yta. if 14 is old enough to apologize, 37 is old enough to communicate that at the time. you've taken an awkward moment that this girl probably wishes she could forget and made it into some huge issue. have some grace, let it go, let her think it's forgotten. and let your daughter have a friend, ffs.	yta teenagers say dumb things. and the time to correct it was in the moment. let the faux pas slide, but if it happens again, explain why it isn't ok to joke like that with you. this is your daughter's friendship, keep the peace.	yta. move on. you are an adult. it wasn't even a hateful derogatory statement. if anything, women of all body types are being celebrated in the media lately and at her impressionable age it might have been a well-meant, positive comment. let your insecurities go. she's a teenager, not some coworker, and possibly one of your daughter's only friends.	are you really going to prevent your daughter from having this one single friend because she called you fat? is this the hill you wanna die on?....i'm also really introverted and can confidently tell you that this will prevent your daughter from having the courage to make other friends because this is how you react to kids trying to make a joke. their brains are still developing and sometimes they can't control what just comes out of their mouths.	yta. you said your daughter is socially awkward to the point of having her tested. birds of a feather flock together. this girl absolutely did not mean to insult you. you, as the adult, should have and could have used the opportunity to talk about appropriate comments and kindness but instead chose to ignore it. i think inviting her into your home is appropriate especially if this is your daughters only friend. if you feel so inclined, let her know how the comment upset you and moving forward you’d appreciate if any jokes were made not involving anyone’s weight in the house. a healthy boundary to set.	she called you a bigger woman and complimented your husband’s food. if this is a fact i can’t see how she was being insulting, you’re just being over sensitive. i’m an obese guy, if someone points that out to me with no malicious intentions how on earth am i going to demand an apology for stating a fact? your husband is right. get over your bruised ego for your daughter’s sake. is it an insult to say someone is tall, short, curly-haired or brown-eyed? she didn’t make fun of you. why should you get an apology?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (37f) have two kids with my husband (41m); a 14-year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son. our daughter has always been a little socially awkward to the point that we've had her tested since we suspected her of being on the spectrum. turns out she isn't on the spectrum; she's just a natural introvert. however, this year in school we were thrilled when our daughter made a new friend her age since that is an area in which she struggles. long story short she recently invited her new friend over (with our aproval) to have dinner at our house and then spend the night. so, my daughter's friend came over. my husband is usually the cook in the family and this night was no exception; he made us all a really nice meal. during the course of said meal i asked my daughter's friend; "are you enjoying the food?" she responded "yes! \[your husband\] is a great cook! no wonder you've ended up a bigger woman." the room got quiet for several moments. my husband tried to laugh it off and change the subject but i wasn't having it. the girl had just leveled a completely uncalled-for insult at me. my daughter's friend seemed to realize that she'd messed up but she didn't say anything else. we finished an awkward dinner in mostly silence and my daughter's friend did stay the night. this was a couple of months ago. recently my daughter asked if she could have her friend back over and i told her "sure; if she's going to apologize to me." when our daughter asked what i meant i reminded her of what she'd said. my daughter responded that it was over and she didn't want to bring it up again. she then went to her father and asked. he said "sure" but she then told him what i'd said. he came to me and said: "\[daughter's friend\] just felt awkward and tried to make a joke. it didn't land. for the sake of our daughter can't you just let it go?" yes, i could, but the thing is that i just want an apology from the girl. i need to see that she understands how rude she was before i can get on board with her and myy daughter hanging out. my husband says that i am being weird for insisting on an apology from a 14 year-old, especially since that girl is such a good friend of our daughter. i think it's weird that i'm still waiting for an apology from that same girl. seriously. that's all i need. i just need to know that any friend of my daughter is willing to own up to her screw ups.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (37f) have two kids with my husband (41m); a 14-year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son. our daughter has always been a little socially awkward to the point that we've had her tested since we suspected her of being on the spectrum. turns out she isn't on the spectrum; she's just a natural introvert. however, this year in school we were thrilled when our daughter made a new friend her age since that is an area in which she struggles. long story short she recently invited her new friend over (with our aproval) to have dinner at our house and then spend the night. so, my daughter's friend came over. my husband is usually the cook in the family and this night was no exception; he made us all a really nice meal. during the course of said meal i asked my daughter's friend; "are you enjoying the food?" she responded "yes! \[your husband\] is a great cook! no wonder you've ended up a bigger woman." the room got quiet for several moments. my husband tried to laugh it off and change the subject but i wasn't having it. the girl had just leveled a completely uncalled-for insult at me. my daughter's friend seemed to realize that she'd messed up but she didn't say anything else. we finished an awkward dinner in mostly silence and my daughter's friend did stay the night. this was a couple of months ago. recently my daughter asked if she could have her friend back over and i told her "sure; if she's going to apologize to me." when our daughter asked what i meant i reminded her of what she'd said. my daughter responded that it was over and she didn't want to bring it up again. she then went to her father and asked. he said "sure" but she then told him what i'd said. he came to me and said: "\[daughter's friend\] just felt awkward and tried to make a joke. it didn't land. for the sake of our daughter can't you just let it go?" yes, i could, but the thing is that i just want an apology from the girl. i need to see that she understands how rude she was before i can get on board with her and myy daughter hanging out. my husband says that i am being weird for insisting on an apology from a 14 year-old, especially since that girl is such a good friend of our daughter. i think it's weird that i'm still waiting for an apology from that same girl. seriously. that's all i need. i just need to know that any friend of my daughter is willing to own up to her screw ups. [/INST] yta. did it ever occur to you that the reason this girl and your daughter “clicked” as friends is that they’re both socially awkward? she’s a 14 year old kid. even with the best social skills, they often put their foot in their mouths. let it go. don’t ruin your daughter’s friendship because your ego was hurt by one off hand comment. ** </s>
AITA for telling my brother in law he's a walking advertisement for abortion?	my wife was more than five months pregnant when we learned that our daughter would not survive outside the womb. we were devastated, as this was a very wanted pregnancy. my wife made the difficult decision to have an induction abortion. the procedure itself went as expected, and she is physically fine. emotionally, we are both still grieving. i was with her the whole time. yesterday, we had a family gathering. my family knew we were expecting, and i had the horrible job of telling them we had lost the baby. my parents and sister expressed their sympathies. however, bil, who is extremely pro-life, throughout the night told my wife repeatedly her that she was a murderer and that she killed her own daughter, and all sorts of other awful things that made her feel much worse. i was appalled when i caught him doing this, and my wife was on the verge of breaking down all over. i yelled at him, pointing out how he had gotten a dui in the past that put another person in the hospital, how he was working a low-paying job selling cigarettes that kill thousands of people every year at a convenience store, and how i had needed to bail him and my sister out financially more than once for medical reasons. then i ended with "if anything, you're a walking advertisement for abortion. your mother probably wishes she had aborted you." i took my wife home, furious. then later, i got a call from my sister. she apologized initially, saying she realized what her husband had said was out of line, but then tried to justify it by pointing out that he was raised to believe abortion was wrong. i should have been more understanding, and it was unfair of me to point out his past struggles when he had been doing better recently. i cussed her out and hung up, but now i'm wondering if i did go too far? aita for basically telling my brother in law he should have been aborted?	23,928	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j82zzp/aita_for_telling_my_brother_in_law_hes_a_walking/	2020-10-09 17:11:29	nta i’m so sorry about your baby. “incompatible with life” is one of the most devastating phrases in the english language. your bil brought it on himself. how unkind of him to harass a grieving mother, and your sister isn’t much better in defending him.	nta. your bil’s attitude is incompatible with compassion and his timing is atrocious. there are some moments where the person who loses their cool and says something hurtful gets a pass and having to terminate a wanted pregnancy is up at the top of the list. big hugs to you and your wife. bil needs to attend his own life choices.	nta. usually i’m not someone who agrees responding by going low or insulting but seriously? screw this guy. he’s an awful person. he’s not your wife’s dr, child’s dr, you or your wife, he gets no say at all. if the loss of a child’s life is so tragic to him maybe some sympathy for the horrible choice you had to make should have been his first step. i’m so sorry for your loss.	nta while some would say your reaction over the top your were grieving and he had the audacity to say your wife was a murder when the baby wasn’t going to make it.	nta, i 100% agree with everything you said, and i'm.so sorry for your loss	nta, telling someone who just made a decision that will affect the rest of their lives, that they are a murderer means you are one fucked in the head individual. time to let them know that this behavior is unexceptionable and that they will not be a part of you life till an apology is made by bil and he shows that he's not going to try this shit again	nta but he sure is and so is his wife. since they are such fine, upstanding citizens guess they don't need hand outs or help anymore. he is so pro life how many kids has he adopted? also sorry for your loss.	nta the problem with anti abortionist are that they thinks it okay to blab their opinions whenever they feel like it. whatever view you hold, if you think its okay to criticize someone when they're at a low point then you don't deserve any respect or civility.	[removed]	nta. you guys have been grieving the loss of your child and they decided to poke the beast. don’t fuck with people who are grieving. if they’re not hurting themselves or others, if they’re not unhealthy or a danger of any kind, let them be. it’s not uncommon for people in grief to lash out or experience mood swings, irritability, depression, etc. while it doesn’t make it okay, it’s understandable and most decent humans try to be understanding that those people aren’t themselves, they’re in pain and processing. but bil decided to actively attack a postpartum woman (funny he chose to attack your wife and not you or both of you, and also interesting he tried to do it away from/out of earshot of others, which to me indicates that he knew exactly what he was doing and targeted her because he’s either a misogynistic fuck or a cowardly bully, probably both) grieving the loss of her much wanted child, and your sister calls to defend him? they don’t have the respect to leave you to grieve in peace, so they get what they deserve, which is certainly not your respect or kindness. i’m sure you and your sister will talk at another time and work it out, but she was incredibly insensitive to try and defend her husband’s horrific, unjustifiable actions to grieving parents. it literally requires less effort to not be dickheads to people in pain than what your bil did and your sister really should have given the apology only and saved her defense of her disgusting, deplorable, hypocritical husband for another, less emotional time. so sorry for your loss and you’re not at all the butt here, nor do i think you share any responsibility in this. take care of yourself and your wife. everyone else can wait. they don’t even have the basic human decency to give you guys a little time to heal, so you certainly don’t need to bend over backwards to hold their hands and kiss their boo boo feelings better.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife was more than five months pregnant when we learned that our daughter would not survive outside the womb. we were devastated, as this was a very wanted pregnancy. my wife made the difficult decision to have an induction abortion. the procedure itself went as expected, and she is physically fine. emotionally, we are both still grieving. i was with her the whole time. yesterday, we had a family gathering. my family knew we were expecting, and i had the horrible job of telling them we had lost the baby. my parents and sister expressed their sympathies. however, bil, who is extremely pro-life, throughout the night told my wife repeatedly her that she was a murderer and that she killed her own daughter, and all sorts of other awful things that made her feel much worse. i was appalled when i caught him doing this, and my wife was on the verge of breaking down all over. i yelled at him, pointing out how he had gotten a dui in the past that put another person in the hospital, how he was working a low-paying job selling cigarettes that kill thousands of people every year at a convenience store, and how i had needed to bail him and my sister out financially more than once for medical reasons. then i ended with "if anything, you're a walking advertisement for abortion. your mother probably wishes she had aborted you." i took my wife home, furious. then later, i got a call from my sister. she apologized initially, saying she realized what her husband had said was out of line, but then tried to justify it by pointing out that he was raised to believe abortion was wrong. i should have been more understanding, and it was unfair of me to point out his past struggles when he had been doing better recently. i cussed her out and hung up, but now i'm wondering if i did go too far? aita for basically telling my brother in law he should have been aborted?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife was more than five months pregnant when we learned that our daughter would not survive outside the womb. we were devastated, as this was a very wanted pregnancy. my wife made the difficult decision to have an induction abortion. the procedure itself went as expected, and she is physically fine. emotionally, we are both still grieving. i was with her the whole time. yesterday, we had a family gathering. my family knew we were expecting, and i had the horrible job of telling them we had lost the baby. my parents and sister expressed their sympathies. however, bil, who is extremely pro-life, throughout the night told my wife repeatedly her that she was a murderer and that she killed her own daughter, and all sorts of other awful things that made her feel much worse. i was appalled when i caught him doing this, and my wife was on the verge of breaking down all over. i yelled at him, pointing out how he had gotten a dui in the past that put another person in the hospital, how he was working a low-paying job selling cigarettes that kill thousands of people every year at a convenience store, and how i had needed to bail him and my sister out financially more than once for medical reasons. then i ended with "if anything, you're a walking advertisement for abortion. your mother probably wishes she had aborted you." i took my wife home, furious. then later, i got a call from my sister. she apologized initially, saying she realized what her husband had said was out of line, but then tried to justify it by pointing out that he was raised to believe abortion was wrong. i should have been more understanding, and it was unfair of me to point out his past struggles when he had been doing better recently. i cussed her out and hung up, but now i'm wondering if i did go too far? aita for basically telling my brother in law he should have been aborted? [/INST] nta i’m so sorry about your baby. “incompatible with life” is one of the most devastating phrases in the english language. your bil brought it on himself. how unkind of him to harass a grieving mother, and your sister isn’t much better in defending him. </s>
AITA for not changing my cats name for my sisters baby	i swear im going crazy with this. i have two cats, tonks and dio. tonks named after the hp character and dio's name is a little funny; named after digiorno pizza. just liked dio and my mom and i thought it was funny. so now my sister has been saying shes gonna start trying for a baby. im like cool okay congrats (not a big fan of kids myself but good luck to her). fastforward three months and shes pregnant and starts talking baby names and shit and nice have fun well her boyfriends friend texts me yesterday saying her bf's family has a tito dio and would appreciate if i rename or (and i cannot believe this) rehome my cat. friend said he could take him. like what the fuck? no you're not taking my cat and no im not renaming him so thats what i tell the friend. and like two hours later my sister calls me and just says something like she cant ever be over at our (mine and moms) house with a cat named after her son. its disrespectful. like i cannot understand how shes functioning rn mentally this is so stupid. my mom said something like "well we can call him deedee or d hes already 11" thats even more reason for me to not change his name hes fucking 11. hes had this name for a decade???? i know i should care more about a nephew than a cat but this is like my kid. i dont want him to be confused and scared for the last half of his life. and i know my sister. shed bring her son over and let him fuck with the cats and call it cute and take pictures even if i tell her to stop. idk its so stupid. i didnt even change the cats names because i already told my sister mostly all of this its just she and my mom are really putting pressure on me to just chill. aita for not renaming/rehoming my cat because my sister likes his name? edit: holy shit uh forgot how reddit feels abouts cat when i rage posted this after drinking like 4 whiteclaws lmao just wanted to edit to clarify people upset with my mom, dont be. we've talked since and agree that they're being huge assholes. she loves our pets all the same (she even knitted our cats and dog christmas stockings this year with names) also dio and tonks and our dog are all mircochipped and indoor cats. we work at home so if they tried to come and take the cats i dont think our 70 found pit bull would take kindly to that.	18,355	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k8bhft/aita_for_not_changing_my_cats_name_for_my_sisters/	2020-12-07 06:39:03	nta ask your sister why she's trying to name her baby after your 11 year old cat whenever she brings it up.	how is the cat named after her son when the cat’s literally been in existence for 11 years before her son was ever created? word of advice: get your cat microchipped and take plenty of pictures asap. if your sister’s boyfriend has already found a new home for your cat without discussing it with you first, he might just take the next step and “disappear” dio entirely	nta i would actually suggest changing his name to "dio, the first of his name", though. just to be clear to anyone who may ask in the future about the order of priority.	nta the cat was called dio for 11 years. your sister can take a chill pill and so can the rest of the family and friends.	you were expecting delivery but it was me, dio! nta.	nta. cat had the name first, end of story	i had a dog named jack. when he was 10, my cousin had a son and named him jack. we never had any issues. we also have an uncle jack. nta.	nta. if someone casually told me to give them my cat because they didn't approve of it's name i think i would absolutely lose it. your sister and her boyfriend are out of their damn minds and in response to this behavior i would extend my cat's name to match their baby's middle and last name also.	nta it’s the other way around - she’s naming her kid after your cat, as her baby (who might even be a girl) is born so many years later than your cat. this is ridiculous. stand your ground, op.	nta. your sister is naming her child after your cat, not the other way around.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i swear im going crazy with this. i have two cats, tonks and dio. tonks named after the hp character and dio's name is a little funny; named after digiorno pizza. just liked dio and my mom and i thought it was funny. so now my sister has been saying shes gonna start trying for a baby. im like cool okay congrats (not a big fan of kids myself but good luck to her). fastforward three months and shes pregnant and starts talking baby names and shit and nice have fun well her boyfriends friend texts me yesterday saying her bf's family has a tito dio and would appreciate if i rename or (and i cannot believe this) rehome my cat. friend said he could take him. like what the fuck? no you're not taking my cat and no im not renaming him so thats what i tell the friend. and like two hours later my sister calls me and just says something like she cant ever be over at our (mine and moms) house with a cat named after her son. its disrespectful. like i cannot understand how shes functioning rn mentally this is so stupid. my mom said something like "well we can call him deedee or d hes already 11" thats even more reason for me to not change his name hes fucking 11. hes had this name for a decade???? i know i should care more about a nephew than a cat but this is like my kid. i dont want him to be confused and scared for the last half of his life. and i know my sister. shed bring her son over and let him fuck with the cats and call it cute and take pictures even if i tell her to stop. idk its so stupid. i didnt even change the cats names because i already told my sister mostly all of this its just she and my mom are really putting pressure on me to just chill. aita for not renaming/rehoming my cat because my sister likes his name? edit: holy shit uh forgot how reddit feels abouts cat when i rage posted this after drinking like 4 whiteclaws lmao just wanted to edit to clarify people upset with my mom, dont be. we've talked since and agree that they're being huge assholes. she loves our pets all the same (she even knitted our cats and dog christmas stockings this year with names) also dio and tonks and our dog are all mircochipped and indoor cats. we work at home so if they tried to come and take the cats i dont think our 70 found pit bull would take kindly to that.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i swear im going crazy with this. i have two cats, tonks and dio. tonks named after the hp character and dio's name is a little funny; named after digiorno pizza. just liked dio and my mom and i thought it was funny. so now my sister has been saying shes gonna start trying for a baby. im like cool okay congrats (not a big fan of kids myself but good luck to her). fastforward three months and shes pregnant and starts talking baby names and shit and nice have fun well her boyfriends friend texts me yesterday saying her bf's family has a tito dio and would appreciate if i rename or (and i cannot believe this) rehome my cat. friend said he could take him. like what the fuck? no you're not taking my cat and no im not renaming him so thats what i tell the friend. and like two hours later my sister calls me and just says something like she cant ever be over at our (mine and moms) house with a cat named after her son. its disrespectful. like i cannot understand how shes functioning rn mentally this is so stupid. my mom said something like "well we can call him deedee or d hes already 11" thats even more reason for me to not change his name hes fucking 11. hes had this name for a decade???? i know i should care more about a nephew than a cat but this is like my kid. i dont want him to be confused and scared for the last half of his life. and i know my sister. shed bring her son over and let him fuck with the cats and call it cute and take pictures even if i tell her to stop. idk its so stupid. i didnt even change the cats names because i already told my sister mostly all of this its just she and my mom are really putting pressure on me to just chill. aita for not renaming/rehoming my cat because my sister likes his name? edit: holy shit uh forgot how reddit feels abouts cat when i rage posted this after drinking like 4 whiteclaws lmao just wanted to edit to clarify people upset with my mom, dont be. we've talked since and agree that they're being huge assholes. she loves our pets all the same (she even knitted our cats and dog christmas stockings this year with names) also dio and tonks and our dog are all mircochipped and indoor cats. we work at home so if they tried to come and take the cats i dont think our 70 found pit bull would take kindly to that. [/INST] nta ask your sister why she's trying to name her baby after your 11 year old cat whenever she brings it up. </s>
AITA for yelling at my wife for being unhelpful while I took our son to the ER for a broken arm?	my wife (33f) is a sahm with our son (4m) and we also have a daughter (6f) in school. last friday i get a frantic call from my wife around noon that our son fell off the top bunk while she wasn’t looking and now his arm looks really really swollen. so i find him crying and holding an incredibly swollen, red arm sitting on the ground and refuses to let anyone touch it. my wife is sitting on the couch crying and saying how his arm looks so bad. i pick him up to go to the emergency room. i try to dress him since he can’t open his arms and ask her to get the car seat ready. she doesn’t move and keeps crying. i give up and do the best i can and call for my wife to get in...she just sobs and shakes her head saying “i can’t i can’t.” so i drive off without her. i got really annoyed at my wife at this point. we get to the hospital and they want to run him through some x-rays and he’s screaming bloody murder. around 3pm i get a call from my daughter’s school saying that no one’s picked her up (my wife’s job) so i call my wife. no one picks up. i call 3-4 more times before i rush out to the school. my son was inconsolable at me leaving him. even the doctors were confused why i had to leave so soon. i get home with my daughter and rush in to find my wife still crying on the phone to her sister. i absolutely let loose and yelled “where the fuck were you??? why didn’t you answer my calls?” she’s shocked and just screams at me back that she’s overwhelmed and can’t handle all this right now. i get our daughter out and tell my wife to look after her. my daughter is crying because mom’s crying and hangs on to my legs wanting to go with me. my wife makes no move to help me so i just ended up bringing our daughter with me to the hospital. the next day while our kids were both sleeping i couldn’t hold back and yelled at my wife for being absolutely zero help. she got equally mad and told me i humiliated her in front of her sister (when i yelled when she was on the phone) and that i should’ve been more considerate of the fact that she is really bad in emergencies. while i know she’s not great in emergencies, this was something else and i felt like i didn’t have a partner at all. now she wants an emergency couples counseling session to “address my rage” but i am honestly conflicted. i’ve never yelled at her before and i do feel guilty but i also feel like these circumstances were extreme. however i did apologize for yelling and wonder if i made things worse. aita?	21,826	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eyivk2/aita_for_yelling_at_my_wife_for_being_unhelpful/	2020-02-04 02:35:31	nta. she needs an emergency counselling session on why she crumbled. (i’m a mom - can’t imagine not taking care of my kids when they’re hurt/upset/needy.)	nta. she left one child sitting in agony then left the other child abandoned at school. part of being a parent is pushing your own shit aside to take care of your kids and then having a breakdown once they're cared for. to be perfectly honest, i would tell her either she gets counseling to figure out how to do what needs to be done or she needs to go back to work and put your kids in daycare because, as it stands, they would be better cared for in an emergency at a daycare than your wife has shown herself capable of.	nta holy crap i’m trying to be sympathetic to your wife but not picking your daughter up in the middle of this was the final straw. there is no excuse for that. that is the most selfish thing i have heard in a long time. being too upset to go to the hospital is tough but she knew you had him. she abandoned her daughter knowing there was no one else there for her. i’m livid just from reading this. i agree that you need emergency counseling to deal with her inability to do the bare minimum parenting during an emergency.	couples counseling is a fantastic idea. there is clearly something wrong that she is so unable to act. you don’t have to tell the counselor that the issue is your anger.	nta. your wife is a sahm. if she doesn't manage the kids, what the fuck is she doing?	nta i know panic attacks are very real, but the fact that she didn’t even pick up the daughter? what kind of fucking parent is that?	nta you could probably use “emergency” couples therapy, but moreso to address your wife’s inability to act. also, why could she not answer your phone call? especially since she was on the phone, it obviously would have beeped in her ear and she declined it. maybe freaking out could have been acceptable if it weren’t for the extra part of leaving your daughter at school and not helping. that in itself is not an emergency, simply her “job” as a stay at home mom. if yelling isn’t an every day occurrence, it’s not really an anger issue. you have the right to be angry.	nta.....i can understand immediately freezing in emergent situations....but hours later? with something like a serious injury. that is something else. she definitely needs therapy to help her cope with shit a little better. your kids need more out of an adult than her just calling you and sitting aside in the hopes you'll take care of things. i hope lil man is okay.	nta speaking from a mother’s perspective, what kind of narcissistic asshole is so “overwhelmed” that she cannot help her son who is injured? i have two, both under 2, and when my son takes a toddler tumble, i refuse to even put him down. and then to have the audacity to leave your daughter stranded? that is seriously fucked. those kids are lucky to have you.	info is there any particular reason your wife didn’t take him to the er because i feel like she could’ve been more responsible and done that in the first place?	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (33f) is a sahm with our son (4m) and we also have a daughter (6f) in school. last friday i get a frantic call from my wife around noon that our son fell off the top bunk while she wasn’t looking and now his arm looks really really swollen. so i find him crying and holding an incredibly swollen, red arm sitting on the ground and refuses to let anyone touch it. my wife is sitting on the couch crying and saying how his arm looks so bad. i pick him up to go to the emergency room. i try to dress him since he can’t open his arms and ask her to get the car seat ready. she doesn’t move and keeps crying. i give up and do the best i can and call for my wife to get in...she just sobs and shakes her head saying “i can’t i can’t.” so i drive off without her. i got really annoyed at my wife at this point. we get to the hospital and they want to run him through some x-rays and he’s screaming bloody murder. around 3pm i get a call from my daughter’s school saying that no one’s picked her up (my wife’s job) so i call my wife. no one picks up. i call 3-4 more times before i rush out to the school. my son was inconsolable at me leaving him. even the doctors were confused why i had to leave so soon. i get home with my daughter and rush in to find my wife still crying on the phone to her sister. i absolutely let loose and yelled “where the fuck were you??? why didn’t you answer my calls?” she’s shocked and just screams at me back that she’s overwhelmed and can’t handle all this right now. i get our daughter out and tell my wife to look after her. my daughter is crying because mom’s crying and hangs on to my legs wanting to go with me. my wife makes no move to help me so i just ended up bringing our daughter with me to the hospital. the next day while our kids were both sleeping i couldn’t hold back and yelled at my wife for being absolutely zero help. she got equally mad and told me i humiliated her in front of her sister (when i yelled when she was on the phone) and that i should’ve been more considerate of the fact that she is really bad in emergencies. while i know she’s not great in emergencies, this was something else and i felt like i didn’t have a partner at all. now she wants an emergency couples counseling session to “address my rage” but i am honestly conflicted. i’ve never yelled at her before and i do feel guilty but i also feel like these circumstances were extreme. however i did apologize for yelling and wonder if i made things worse. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife (33f) is a sahm with our son (4m) and we also have a daughter (6f) in school. last friday i get a frantic call from my wife around noon that our son fell off the top bunk while she wasn’t looking and now his arm looks really really swollen. so i find him crying and holding an incredibly swollen, red arm sitting on the ground and refuses to let anyone touch it. my wife is sitting on the couch crying and saying how his arm looks so bad. i pick him up to go to the emergency room. i try to dress him since he can’t open his arms and ask her to get the car seat ready. she doesn’t move and keeps crying. i give up and do the best i can and call for my wife to get in...she just sobs and shakes her head saying “i can’t i can’t.” so i drive off without her. i got really annoyed at my wife at this point. we get to the hospital and they want to run him through some x-rays and he’s screaming bloody murder. around 3pm i get a call from my daughter’s school saying that no one’s picked her up (my wife’s job) so i call my wife. no one picks up. i call 3-4 more times before i rush out to the school. my son was inconsolable at me leaving him. even the doctors were confused why i had to leave so soon. i get home with my daughter and rush in to find my wife still crying on the phone to her sister. i absolutely let loose and yelled “where the fuck were you??? why didn’t you answer my calls?” she’s shocked and just screams at me back that she’s overwhelmed and can’t handle all this right now. i get our daughter out and tell my wife to look after her. my daughter is crying because mom’s crying and hangs on to my legs wanting to go with me. my wife makes no move to help me so i just ended up bringing our daughter with me to the hospital. the next day while our kids were both sleeping i couldn’t hold back and yelled at my wife for being absolutely zero help. she got equally mad and told me i humiliated her in front of her sister (when i yelled when she was on the phone) and that i should’ve been more considerate of the fact that she is really bad in emergencies. while i know she’s not great in emergencies, this was something else and i felt like i didn’t have a partner at all. now she wants an emergency couples counseling session to “address my rage” but i am honestly conflicted. i’ve never yelled at her before and i do feel guilty but i also feel like these circumstances were extreme. however i did apologize for yelling and wonder if i made things worse. aita? [/INST] nta. she needs an emergency counselling session on why she crumbled. (i’m a mom - can’t imagine not taking care of my kids when they’re hurt/upset/needy.) </s>
AITA for having pot cookies out in the open in my own home?	this is an ongoing situation, and am currently writing this as my niece is having a full-on meltdown. so i apologize for any mistakes. today was my day off and i decided to whip up a batch of pot cookies (cookies that have weed extract in them) so i can snack on them for the weekend. after they finish baking i left them out on a cooling tray so they can set. just as i finished cleaning up the kitchen i hear the door bell and went to answer, and surprise surprise it's my sister with 8yo niece and husband. it's been awhile since i've last seen them to it was a happy surprise. i let them in, and the smell of cookies still in the air, and niece goes bolting towards the kitchen. i instantly go chasing her and as i round the corner into the kitchen, niece had just grabbed a cookie and was about to eat it, quick on my feet i swooped in and grabbed the cookie out of her hand saying that these were adult cookies. which caused niece to start freaking out. my sister followed in and i explained to her that these cookies had pot in them and assured her i was able to take the cookie away from niece before she had ate any. she instantly blows up at me saying i shouldn't have pot cookies out when there are kids in the house, i explained how i had just finished baking them and they were setting, and the fact that i didn't expect any children to be around (i am a single man, no kids), she asked if i had any thing that wasn't "laced" and unfortunately i didn't, by this point niece has locked herself in the bathroom and is crying. and my sister gave me a big ol' lecture about having drugs in reach of kids, while i stand on the premise of, there wouldn't be an issue if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today. she called me a huge irresponsible asshole, and i responded "well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!" she left to try to get niece out of the bathroom and i'm sat here typing this, am i really the asshole here? like i can understand not having drugs out in the open with kids around, and i never would - if i had known there were going to be kids around. also, before i get any flak, i'm in canada and weeds legal here.	29,028	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hc7wd7/aita_for_having_pot_cookies_out_in_the_open_in_my/	2020-06-19 20:14:22	nta. it’s polite to give people a heads up before you drop by, by 8 years old you should know not to take things without asking, and locking herself in a bathroom over not getting a cookie is ridiculous behavior for an 8yo.	nta - with all the mediums to connect with people why would you ever pop over unannounced? what if you hadn’t been home? what if you’d been in the middle of ‘something’? would you then have to be talked down about having ‘adult fun’....in your own house....when you didn’t expect anyone to come over? man she should be so lucky it was just pot cookies.	i was really really prepared to call you the asshole...but she tossed a kid into the house without checking that everything was okay for there to be a kid or getting you advanced notice at all. nta. as strange as that is for me to say in this case. sounds like your sister is mad that she did some bad parenting and taking it out on you.	nta. as a parent, i can with confidence say you did nothing. wrong here.	nta. you wouldn't have had them out if she had the courtesy to call first, or the manners to teach her child to ask before taking food from another person's home.	i'm a parent, i use weed both medicinally and recreationally, you are, laughably, nta. your sister needs to teach her daughter to ask before grabbing things, and realize that she likely would have taken exactly one bite and spit it out. pot is a really hard flavor to cover, and kids don't tend to enjoy it. and that her daughter is probably more upset at the sudden reaction by the adults than the lack of a cookie, and will be fine in about five minutes. also, "laced"? is she serious? 🤣	nta. you could not have known that she would be bringing her kid by. the kid should not have been grabbing things off your counter without permission. poor parent deflecting, annnd this is exactly why you should not swing by someone's home unannounced.	nta. why on earth should you permanently keep your home in a perfectly kid-friendly state in case her kid drops by? also, throwing a tantrum because you were denied a snack is toddler level, not 8-year-old behavior (i have an 8 year old daughter and she’s no saint but what you’re describing is pretty far from the norm).	nta. i have an 8 and 4 year old in my home and sometimes i make cookies, and you better believe they still ask in their own damn home if they can have a cookie. what if cookies are for after dinner? what if cookies are for a birthday party? its rude to take food that's not yours. in fact, when bringing in an entire tray of cookies to a classroom of 8 year olds they sat down and waited. i dont know any kids that are just allowed to eat all the cookies whenever the hell they want without asking.	\> there wouldn't be an issue if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today. correct. \> i responded "well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!" correct. nta.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is an ongoing situation, and am currently writing this as my niece is having a full-on meltdown. so i apologize for any mistakes. today was my day off and i decided to whip up a batch of pot cookies (cookies that have weed extract in them) so i can snack on them for the weekend. after they finish baking i left them out on a cooling tray so they can set. just as i finished cleaning up the kitchen i hear the door bell and went to answer, and surprise surprise it's my sister with 8yo niece and husband. it's been awhile since i've last seen them to it was a happy surprise. i let them in, and the smell of cookies still in the air, and niece goes bolting towards the kitchen. i instantly go chasing her and as i round the corner into the kitchen, niece had just grabbed a cookie and was about to eat it, quick on my feet i swooped in and grabbed the cookie out of her hand saying that these were adult cookies. which caused niece to start freaking out. my sister followed in and i explained to her that these cookies had pot in them and assured her i was able to take the cookie away from niece before she had ate any. she instantly blows up at me saying i shouldn't have pot cookies out when there are kids in the house, i explained how i had just finished baking them and they were setting, and the fact that i didn't expect any children to be around (i am a single man, no kids), she asked if i had any thing that wasn't "laced" and unfortunately i didn't, by this point niece has locked herself in the bathroom and is crying. and my sister gave me a big ol' lecture about having drugs in reach of kids, while i stand on the premise of, there wouldn't be an issue if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today. she called me a huge irresponsible asshole, and i responded "well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!" she left to try to get niece out of the bathroom and i'm sat here typing this, am i really the asshole here? like i can understand not having drugs out in the open with kids around, and i never would - if i had known there were going to be kids around. also, before i get any flak, i'm in canada and weeds legal here.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this is an ongoing situation, and am currently writing this as my niece is having a full-on meltdown. so i apologize for any mistakes. today was my day off and i decided to whip up a batch of pot cookies (cookies that have weed extract in them) so i can snack on them for the weekend. after they finish baking i left them out on a cooling tray so they can set. just as i finished cleaning up the kitchen i hear the door bell and went to answer, and surprise surprise it's my sister with 8yo niece and husband. it's been awhile since i've last seen them to it was a happy surprise. i let them in, and the smell of cookies still in the air, and niece goes bolting towards the kitchen. i instantly go chasing her and as i round the corner into the kitchen, niece had just grabbed a cookie and was about to eat it, quick on my feet i swooped in and grabbed the cookie out of her hand saying that these were adult cookies. which caused niece to start freaking out. my sister followed in and i explained to her that these cookies had pot in them and assured her i was able to take the cookie away from niece before she had ate any. she instantly blows up at me saying i shouldn't have pot cookies out when there are kids in the house, i explained how i had just finished baking them and they were setting, and the fact that i didn't expect any children to be around (i am a single man, no kids), she asked if i had any thing that wasn't "laced" and unfortunately i didn't, by this point niece has locked herself in the bathroom and is crying. and my sister gave me a big ol' lecture about having drugs in reach of kids, while i stand on the premise of, there wouldn't be an issue if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today. she called me a huge irresponsible asshole, and i responded "well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!" she left to try to get niece out of the bathroom and i'm sat here typing this, am i really the asshole here? like i can understand not having drugs out in the open with kids around, and i never would - if i had known there were going to be kids around. also, before i get any flak, i'm in canada and weeds legal here. [/INST] nta. it’s polite to give people a heads up before you drop by, by 8 years old you should know not to take things without asking, and locking herself in a bathroom over not getting a cookie is ridiculous behavior for an 8yo. </s>
AITA for telling my brother's GF that Christmas isn't the meal to be cheap?	i (47m) spend christmas with my parents. my dad passed away earlier this year, so my brother (40m) and his gf (32f, i'll refer to her as eve) have said they will cook for christmas, eve is the cook. it's their first christmas with their infant son, so they are very excited for it. when i was visiting brother and eve, they were talking excitedly about christmas. this will be the first time eve has cooked christmas, and the first time she has ever cooked a turkey. brother said they had already bought the turkey. i frowned as we always had a fresh turkey from the local butcher's, never a frozen turkey. eve said that she had gotten a frozen turkey crown as it was cheaper and that they didn't need a large turkey with legs. she started talking through her plan, saying she had already bought turkey gravy mix as she didn't want to cook gravy from scratch, using tinned potatoes to make the roast potatoes, had already made stuffing balls and they are in the freezer. i know that she is struggling for money at the moment as she is on maternity leave and is not returning to her job as nephew has additional needs. i was appalled when she said that she was going to cook christmas dinner at their house the day before and then bring it to mum's to heat up. mum is unable to do stairs, so we have to go to her. eve tried explaining that due to the cost of living going up, she didn't want mum to have the additional cost of cooking a christmas dinner. they are having their own meal on the 24th, so eve is cooking two dinners at once. i snapped at eve. i told her that i know she was being frugal with not going back to work, but that christmas dinner wasn't the meal for her to be cheap on. especially mum's first christmas after her husband died. i told eve that if she wasn't prepared to make a fresh meal that wasn't full of frozen food that's god knows how old, then she shouldn't have offered to cook christmas. eve then left the room with nephew, saying she needed to feed him. my brother got annoyed with me, telling me that i was being rude. he said that he was the one paying for the christmas meal. they had bought the turkey before dad died and had only gotten one big enough to feed them with leftovers. he had been the one that suggested including mum and i for christmas to eve. eve had been making things like stuffing balls and her home made pigs in blankets in advance and using tinned potatoes was to make her life easier. he argued that eve is the primary caretaker for nephew so she takes shortcuts when she is home alone with nephew so she could focus on him. mum has called me and had a go at me for making eve cry, especially when i know that she's stressed from looking after nephew. apparently she had taken nephew to go and cry upstairs, but i had no idea. i do feel bad that she got upset but at the same time, i don't think christmas is the one meal to be cheap on. am i the asshole?	3,499	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z5n9qg/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_gf_that_christmas/	2022-11-27 01:00:18	yta - you're doing nothing to contribute, so you have no say in how they cook what is essentially a free meal for you. get over yourself.	yta. do you know how much these meals cost? i just spent nearly $200 for my family of 4. if you want a fresh turkey, go buy it. holy cow. someone is cooking and preparing this meal for you and this is how you act? oh, and, apparently this poor woman who is paying for your dinner that she is cooking, is also preparing another meal for her parents, just had a baby? and is also taking care of her special needs nephew. you know, instead of complaining, maybe you could act like a grown man and help her out.	yta. what's your contribution other than complaining?	yta you complain that christmas meal is not the time to go cheap but never once did you mention offering financial help or to help make dinner	yta. when someone serves you a meal, the correct response is "thank you". you don't complain about it not being exactly to your liking, or not being what you would have served. next year, invite them to your house, and make everything exactly as you want it.	you are a massive asshole. if you have any problems with the menu why don't you cook? or does your penis have an allergic reaction in the kitchen?	you know what christmas is not the time for? it's not the time to be pretentious and judgemental to the person who is cooking your christmas dinner. you get what you're served and say thank you. if you don't like it, offer to cook. but what we do not do at christmas is tell the cook how they're doing it all wrong.	you can cook the food then. make some gravy from scratch.yta	yta dude. they're doing the best they can. and you're not the only one who lost a loved one. help them out with the meal, or shut the fuck up.	yes, yta. looks like on top of being a new mom with a child that has extra needs, she graciously offered to help shoulder the responsibility of your mother. sounds like shes planning the best she can, by slowly buying ingredients to help fit into their struggling budget. you should have been courteous. and if you are that worried about it, you could have talked to your brother privately and offered some financial help or offered to help cook more than just a couple of desserts.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (47m) spend christmas with my parents. my dad passed away earlier this year, so my brother (40m) and his gf (32f, i'll refer to her as eve) have said they will cook for christmas, eve is the cook. it's their first christmas with their infant son, so they are very excited for it. when i was visiting brother and eve, they were talking excitedly about christmas. this will be the first time eve has cooked christmas, and the first time she has ever cooked a turkey. brother said they had already bought the turkey. i frowned as we always had a fresh turkey from the local butcher's, never a frozen turkey. eve said that she had gotten a frozen turkey crown as it was cheaper and that they didn't need a large turkey with legs. she started talking through her plan, saying she had already bought turkey gravy mix as she didn't want to cook gravy from scratch, using tinned potatoes to make the roast potatoes, had already made stuffing balls and they are in the freezer. i know that she is struggling for money at the moment as she is on maternity leave and is not returning to her job as nephew has additional needs. i was appalled when she said that she was going to cook christmas dinner at their house the day before and then bring it to mum's to heat up. mum is unable to do stairs, so we have to go to her. eve tried explaining that due to the cost of living going up, she didn't want mum to have the additional cost of cooking a christmas dinner. they are having their own meal on the 24th, so eve is cooking two dinners at once. i snapped at eve. i told her that i know she was being frugal with not going back to work, but that christmas dinner wasn't the meal for her to be cheap on. especially mum's first christmas after her husband died. i told eve that if she wasn't prepared to make a fresh meal that wasn't full of frozen food that's god knows how old, then she shouldn't have offered to cook christmas. eve then left the room with nephew, saying she needed to feed him. my brother got annoyed with me, telling me that i was being rude. he said that he was the one paying for the christmas meal. they had bought the turkey before dad died and had only gotten one big enough to feed them with leftovers. he had been the one that suggested including mum and i for christmas to eve. eve had been making things like stuffing balls and her home made pigs in blankets in advance and using tinned potatoes was to make her life easier. he argued that eve is the primary caretaker for nephew so she takes shortcuts when she is home alone with nephew so she could focus on him. mum has called me and had a go at me for making eve cry, especially when i know that she's stressed from looking after nephew. apparently she had taken nephew to go and cry upstairs, but i had no idea. i do feel bad that she got upset but at the same time, i don't think christmas is the one meal to be cheap on. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (47m) spend christmas with my parents. my dad passed away earlier this year, so my brother (40m) and his gf (32f, i'll refer to her as eve) have said they will cook for christmas, eve is the cook. it's their first christmas with their infant son, so they are very excited for it. when i was visiting brother and eve, they were talking excitedly about christmas. this will be the first time eve has cooked christmas, and the first time she has ever cooked a turkey. brother said they had already bought the turkey. i frowned as we always had a fresh turkey from the local butcher's, never a frozen turkey. eve said that she had gotten a frozen turkey crown as it was cheaper and that they didn't need a large turkey with legs. she started talking through her plan, saying she had already bought turkey gravy mix as she didn't want to cook gravy from scratch, using tinned potatoes to make the roast potatoes, had already made stuffing balls and they are in the freezer. i know that she is struggling for money at the moment as she is on maternity leave and is not returning to her job as nephew has additional needs. i was appalled when she said that she was going to cook christmas dinner at their house the day before and then bring it to mum's to heat up. mum is unable to do stairs, so we have to go to her. eve tried explaining that due to the cost of living going up, she didn't want mum to have the additional cost of cooking a christmas dinner. they are having their own meal on the 24th, so eve is cooking two dinners at once. i snapped at eve. i told her that i know she was being frugal with not going back to work, but that christmas dinner wasn't the meal for her to be cheap on. especially mum's first christmas after her husband died. i told eve that if she wasn't prepared to make a fresh meal that wasn't full of frozen food that's god knows how old, then she shouldn't have offered to cook christmas. eve then left the room with nephew, saying she needed to feed him. my brother got annoyed with me, telling me that i was being rude. he said that he was the one paying for the christmas meal. they had bought the turkey before dad died and had only gotten one big enough to feed them with leftovers. he had been the one that suggested including mum and i for christmas to eve. eve had been making things like stuffing balls and her home made pigs in blankets in advance and using tinned potatoes was to make her life easier. he argued that eve is the primary caretaker for nephew so she takes shortcuts when she is home alone with nephew so she could focus on him. mum has called me and had a go at me for making eve cry, especially when i know that she's stressed from looking after nephew. apparently she had taken nephew to go and cry upstairs, but i had no idea. i do feel bad that she got upset but at the same time, i don't think christmas is the one meal to be cheap on. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta - you're doing nothing to contribute, so you have no say in how they cook what is essentially a free meal for you. get over yourself. </s>
AITA for refusing to cook dinner for my step mother and her guests after she's been refusing to let me eat the food she cooks?	16m here. my dad married my step mom just about a year ago. she didn't want me to live here and wants me gone. i've insisted that i should stay as i don't want to live with my mom (her husband is a piece of work...) so we're always clashing. she announced last month that she wouldn't allow me to eat anything she cooks, or cook anything that she buys and i should arange my own food completely separately (down to the ingredient level, including salt!) because i'm not her problem to deal with. this is annoying but anyway, i can handle it and i didn't want to act entitled so i started buying and cooking my own food. we've been going like this since then. her sister had an accident a few days ago and on the day of the accident step mother texted me in the afternoon saying she's bringing the sister's children over and they'll arrive around midnight, asked me to buy groceries and snacks and make a late dinner for them. i never replied to her and didn't do anything. i have to say that while for a few hours it didn't look good for her sister and had to go into surgery it ended up being successful and she will thankfully make a full recovery. they came, she noticed there's no food and they indeed were hungry so she was angry at me and i told her that it's not my problem to deal with... and she said i'm being a jerk and i said takes one to know one. she ended up ordering pizza. my dad told me that i was out of line and i should have just done what she wanted me to do because it was an emergency, and i should have done a favor for her and it would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop. i told him that our relationship has always been hopeless because she hated me for no reason so there's nothing i can do that can make her hate me any less and at this point i've accepted it and don't care anymore. he said it's not true and i'm now grounded.	25,629	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vzq3nf/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_dinner_for_my_step/	2022-07-15 14:29:59	nta. why is your dad allowing this to happen? you are 16 and living at home, you shouldn’t be paying for your own food. make your dad fix this problem!	nta. you are not entitled. your father is a real piece of work, too. i cannot imagine marrying someone who would treat my child so badly. i recommend you get away from all of them as soon as possible. (yes, it's what she wants, but is it really worth staying in such a nasty environment?)	[removed]	nta. she set a precedent in the home, and when it came back to bite her, she got angry. it's unfortunate your dad allows her to say you can't eat food she buys when you're still a minor in his home, and it's even more a shame that after allowing that behavior from her, he expected you to do for her sister's kids what she won't do for you. it's also not your responsibility as the minor in the household to "improve" your relationship with your stepmom who clearly resents you. it's extremely unfortunate that you don't seem to get along with the spouse of either of your parents. i think you need to sit down and ask your dad why he has higher standards for you, a teenager than he does his wife, a full grown adult. i'm a stepmom and i most certainly think it's my problem if my stepchild is hungry. i also don't understand why he'd marry someone who is combative and not loving toward you. you are part of him, and she supposedly loves him, so what gives? i'm not sure what i'd do in your shoes since either parent's home sounds horrible to be in at the moment. shame on your dad for failing to stand up for you though, when you needed it. it was the perfect opportunity for him to tell her that she shouldn't expect you to do for other kids what she won't do for you. the kids got fed, she ordered them a pizza. there was no reason to punish you for not obeying someone who can't treat you properly. she's got some twisted priorities to think feeding her sister's kids is her problem but feeding her stepson is not. i'm utterly appalled at your dad for allowing her to order you to buy your own food. that's reasonable if you were an adult living in their home, but not as a minor living in their home. i do think i might use her food anyways and ignore her insane position. or sit her down and iron out expectations. i think you need to tell her point blank that she's set the example for you to follow so if she's angry with how you handled yourself, she has herself to thank for your pov.	nta. i will never understand how a parent can allow someone to treat their child like that.	nta. but your mom can't possibly be worse than your dad? you're a kid and providing food for you is a parental duty. if he's letting his wife dictate that you can't have any food she purchases, than he's a trash bag of a human and you deserve better. get the fuck out of there as soon as you can.	nta. your father is the one in the wrong. no one should allow their kid to be treated that way. step is heartless. i would not have done it either.	nta your step mom refusing to feed you is child abuse, and your father allowing it is enabling child abuse. you may want to look into emancipation: if you make your own money, and can rent a place to live on your own, you can file paperwork at a courthouse to be considered a legal adult. the details of how to do this vary with jurisdiction.	info: how did your dad sire you when he has no fucking balls? nta.	if your dad is forcing you to buy your own food and not helping you with meals at all; that is very illegal in most states and you might want to inform him of that. [https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html)	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 16m here. my dad married my step mom just about a year ago. she didn't want me to live here and wants me gone. i've insisted that i should stay as i don't want to live with my mom (her husband is a piece of work...) so we're always clashing. she announced last month that she wouldn't allow me to eat anything she cooks, or cook anything that she buys and i should arange my own food completely separately (down to the ingredient level, including salt!) because i'm not her problem to deal with. this is annoying but anyway, i can handle it and i didn't want to act entitled so i started buying and cooking my own food. we've been going like this since then. her sister had an accident a few days ago and on the day of the accident step mother texted me in the afternoon saying she's bringing the sister's children over and they'll arrive around midnight, asked me to buy groceries and snacks and make a late dinner for them. i never replied to her and didn't do anything. i have to say that while for a few hours it didn't look good for her sister and had to go into surgery it ended up being successful and she will thankfully make a full recovery. they came, she noticed there's no food and they indeed were hungry so she was angry at me and i told her that it's not my problem to deal with... and she said i'm being a jerk and i said takes one to know one. she ended up ordering pizza. my dad told me that i was out of line and i should have just done what she wanted me to do because it was an emergency, and i should have done a favor for her and it would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop. i told him that our relationship has always been hopeless because she hated me for no reason so there's nothing i can do that can make her hate me any less and at this point i've accepted it and don't care anymore. he said it's not true and i'm now grounded.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> 16m here. my dad married my step mom just about a year ago. she didn't want me to live here and wants me gone. i've insisted that i should stay as i don't want to live with my mom (her husband is a piece of work...) so we're always clashing. she announced last month that she wouldn't allow me to eat anything she cooks, or cook anything that she buys and i should arange my own food completely separately (down to the ingredient level, including salt!) because i'm not her problem to deal with. this is annoying but anyway, i can handle it and i didn't want to act entitled so i started buying and cooking my own food. we've been going like this since then. her sister had an accident a few days ago and on the day of the accident step mother texted me in the afternoon saying she's bringing the sister's children over and they'll arrive around midnight, asked me to buy groceries and snacks and make a late dinner for them. i never replied to her and didn't do anything. i have to say that while for a few hours it didn't look good for her sister and had to go into surgery it ended up being successful and she will thankfully make a full recovery. they came, she noticed there's no food and they indeed were hungry so she was angry at me and i told her that it's not my problem to deal with... and she said i'm being a jerk and i said takes one to know one. she ended up ordering pizza. my dad told me that i was out of line and i should have just done what she wanted me to do because it was an emergency, and i should have done a favor for her and it would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop. i told him that our relationship has always been hopeless because she hated me for no reason so there's nothing i can do that can make her hate me any less and at this point i've accepted it and don't care anymore. he said it's not true and i'm now grounded. [/INST] nta. why is your dad allowing this to happen? you are 16 and living at home, you shouldn’t be paying for your own food. make your dad fix this problem! </s>
AITA for kicking my fiancé's mom out of our engagement party due to an insensitive joke her boyfriend made?	this happened a couple of months ago, but i wasn't aware that it was an issue until recently when i called and asked if she would like me to bring anything to christmas and she said we weren't invited. i'm going to call my fiancé's mom madeline and and partner robert. so madeline and i have had a really difficult relationship. i am open to fixing it, because i know mils and dils have a hard time sometimes, but right now it is very tense. also in our social circle weddings are a huge deal. i don't know if this is a thing everywhere, but around here it is typical for the bride to wear white at all pre-wedding festivities and honestly we are all a little extra. madeline also likes to needle people. i heard her once saying she was in love with robert because he is an ass back to her. she ahs also implied she finds me boring, because i don't do the whole sarcasm and pissing people off for fun. my parents hosted a very nice engagement party for us and madeline showed up a little late. my mom gave her the obligatory compliment on her dress, and robert turned to me, smirked, and said i should thank him because madeline had a white cocktail dress she had planned on wearing, but he spilled champagne on her on a boat a few months ago and she didn't realize it had stained. i just looked at him kind of like what the fuck, why would you tell me that? robert laughed, kissed her, and was like sorry baby i'll buy you another dress. also it is important to note that my fiancé does back me up but wasn't there at the moment. my mother was clearly horrified and about to say something, and i was furious. i asked them both to leave. madeline said she would leave but don't expect her to get dressed up for one of my "stupid" parties again if i'm just going to kick her out. my mom told her to leave and never step foot on our property again, so they left and we haven't heard from them, but that is not abnormal. madeline and my fiancé don't really talk anymore, but we always spend christmas eve with her. i texted a few days ago and asked if she would like me to bring anything and she said i wasn't invited because i kicked her out of our party over a joke that she didn't even make. i said that we should really put that aside because it is christmas and doesn't she want to see her son? she wrote back lol no. i just feel like she is really overreacting and being mentally abusive by keeping him from the family.	4,376	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rnp30l/aita_for_kicking_my_fiancés_mom_out_of_our/	2021-12-24 16:00:01	yta. um, i kept waiting for the offensive comment. it was a stupid joke, but not harmful in any way. it was just ‘haha, what if she wore a white dress to your engagement party, that’d be so rude!’ kicking them out over that is beyond bizarre. you can’t treat people that way and expect to still be invited to their home. gonna go out on a limb and suggest the source of the difficulty in this relationship has always been you.	i'm confused. info: >robert turned to me, smirked, and said i should thank him because madeline had a white cocktail dress she had planned on wearing, but he spilled champagne on her on a boat a few months ago and she didn't realize it had stained. is that the insensitive joke you kicked them out for?	yta you seriously over reacted to the idea that your future mil might wear white to an engagement party. who cares about what you wear at an engagement party? you don't get "engagement dresses" made for thousands of dollars. got a good idea that you're the reason you have a difficult relationship with them right now.	yta. why did you throw them out of the engagement party? because of robert's story/joke that wasn't even particularly funny, clever, or insulting? this sounds like you needlessly escalated drama, and if you do that you can only expect more drama down the line.	yta. that was a completely harmless joke. she was not wearing white and you have no evidence she ever intended to. kicking people out of a party over a harmless joke is ridiculous. you need to apologize. and get a sense of humor.	yta you kicked her out of your engagement party and expected to be invited for christmas. you weren't even invited, you thought it was just obvious. why? and that comment, while dumb, was not worth to kick them out of your engagement party. your mother actually banned her from her properties for that. and you still thought you'd go to her house for christmas without one conversation in between. added, that she's not keeping your fiance from the family, he's an adult, he can contact any members of his family at any time. he doesn't have to meet them at his mother's house on christmas.	i was so primed to vote n.t.a., but good lord, what are you on about? > and said i should thank him because madeline had a white cocktail dress she had planned on wearing, but he spilled champagne on her on a boat a few months ago and she didn’t realize it had stained. you kicked them out for this. for this. and then escalated to your mom telling them never to step foot on “our” property again? are you serious? ~~i.n.f.o.~~: please explain whatever offense could have been intended or inferred for this, because i’m honestly at a loss. without further explanation, i think at this point, we may have a unicorn — an aita post where the fiancé actually should be supporting the mom over the partner.	[removed]	info: was that all he said and you kicked him out? why? but mostly why would you kick them both out, the mother in law didn’t do anything except exist in the room.	i think i’m too low class to understand the “insulting” joke, so can i get some info?	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	null	INFO	INFO	0.06808	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a couple of months ago, but i wasn't aware that it was an issue until recently when i called and asked if she would like me to bring anything to christmas and she said we weren't invited. i'm going to call my fiancé's mom madeline and and partner robert. so madeline and i have had a really difficult relationship. i am open to fixing it, because i know mils and dils have a hard time sometimes, but right now it is very tense. also in our social circle weddings are a huge deal. i don't know if this is a thing everywhere, but around here it is typical for the bride to wear white at all pre-wedding festivities and honestly we are all a little extra. madeline also likes to needle people. i heard her once saying she was in love with robert because he is an ass back to her. she ahs also implied she finds me boring, because i don't do the whole sarcasm and pissing people off for fun. my parents hosted a very nice engagement party for us and madeline showed up a little late. my mom gave her the obligatory compliment on her dress, and robert turned to me, smirked, and said i should thank him because madeline had a white cocktail dress she had planned on wearing, but he spilled champagne on her on a boat a few months ago and she didn't realize it had stained. i just looked at him kind of like what the fuck, why would you tell me that? robert laughed, kissed her, and was like sorry baby i'll buy you another dress. also it is important to note that my fiancé does back me up but wasn't there at the moment. my mother was clearly horrified and about to say something, and i was furious. i asked them both to leave. madeline said she would leave but don't expect her to get dressed up for one of my "stupid" parties again if i'm just going to kick her out. my mom told her to leave and never step foot on our property again, so they left and we haven't heard from them, but that is not abnormal. madeline and my fiancé don't really talk anymore, but we always spend christmas eve with her. i texted a few days ago and asked if she would like me to bring anything and she said i wasn't invited because i kicked her out of our party over a joke that she didn't even make. i said that we should really put that aside because it is christmas and doesn't she want to see her son? she wrote back lol no. i just feel like she is really overreacting and being mentally abusive by keeping him from the family.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this happened a couple of months ago, but i wasn't aware that it was an issue until recently when i called and asked if she would like me to bring anything to christmas and she said we weren't invited. i'm going to call my fiancé's mom madeline and and partner robert. so madeline and i have had a really difficult relationship. i am open to fixing it, because i know mils and dils have a hard time sometimes, but right now it is very tense. also in our social circle weddings are a huge deal. i don't know if this is a thing everywhere, but around here it is typical for the bride to wear white at all pre-wedding festivities and honestly we are all a little extra. madeline also likes to needle people. i heard her once saying she was in love with robert because he is an ass back to her. she ahs also implied she finds me boring, because i don't do the whole sarcasm and pissing people off for fun. my parents hosted a very nice engagement party for us and madeline showed up a little late. my mom gave her the obligatory compliment on her dress, and robert turned to me, smirked, and said i should thank him because madeline had a white cocktail dress she had planned on wearing, but he spilled champagne on her on a boat a few months ago and she didn't realize it had stained. i just looked at him kind of like what the fuck, why would you tell me that? robert laughed, kissed her, and was like sorry baby i'll buy you another dress. also it is important to note that my fiancé does back me up but wasn't there at the moment. my mother was clearly horrified and about to say something, and i was furious. i asked them both to leave. madeline said she would leave but don't expect her to get dressed up for one of my "stupid" parties again if i'm just going to kick her out. my mom told her to leave and never step foot on our property again, so they left and we haven't heard from them, but that is not abnormal. madeline and my fiancé don't really talk anymore, but we always spend christmas eve with her. i texted a few days ago and asked if she would like me to bring anything and she said i wasn't invited because i kicked her out of our party over a joke that she didn't even make. i said that we should really put that aside because it is christmas and doesn't she want to see her son? she wrote back lol no. i just feel like she is really overreacting and being mentally abusive by keeping him from the family. [/INST] yta. um, i kept waiting for the offensive comment. it was a stupid joke, but not harmful in any way. it was just ‘haha, what if she wore a white dress to your engagement party, that’d be so rude!’ kicking them out over that is beyond bizarre. you can’t treat people that way and expect to still be invited to their home. gonna go out on a limb and suggest the source of the difficulty in this relationship has always been you. </s>
AITA? My mom is an influencer. I am sick of being a part of it, I had "NO PHOTOS" hoodies printed for me and my little sister.	i am a teenager and my mom is kinda famous on instagram and blogging. she had a mommy blog all when i was growing up and of course me and my sister were always involved. it sucks because there's so much our there about us and it's what's gonna come up when i'm looking for a job, when i'm dating, when anyone looks up my name. i found a website that will print custom jackets, print all over the front and back and arms... and i ordered some hoodies that say a bunch of phrases all over them. "no photos" "no videos" "i do not consent to be photographed" "no means no" "respect my privacy" "no cameras" "no profiting off my image" it sounds silly but it looks pretty sick actually. i got one for me and one for my nine year old sister who's started to not always want photos. and i guess the idea is that my mom can't take good looking pictures, even candid ones, with us in the hoodies without them having a pretty strong message that we don't want to be in pictures. my mom was mad when they showed up, and really mad when i'm wearing mine. like she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by, she won't post ones without asking but i know that's a whole mess anyway; she always says that and then negotiates me into letting her post, like either by saying that's how she makes income so if i want money for something, to stop arguing about pictures. or posting without asking and then saying i thought it would be ok because you're face wasn't visible / you're just in the background, etc. and i'm always like "no you didn't think. if you thought at all you'd remember what i said i want. no new pictures of me or mentions of me online. remove all pictures that include me that you've ever posted. and delete any writing that mentions me. i am just so fed up, and upset that my mom is mad at me for wearing my new hoodie everyday. she's mad i won't take it off for any event and thinks it's inappropriate to wear to certian things. i know it's really weird looking but it feels like my only option. edit to add a couple more things... she also says all the mentions of consent and "no means no" and "this body is my own" (sorry forgot to mention that one earlier) imply something more inappropriate and that it is really inappropriate to wear those words out in public. we've also fought about me wearing it to family events and school events with a generally dressier dress code, because it looks like a "gangster hoody". i don't know what to say to that, but i don't agree aita for always wearing my no photos hoodie?	32,571	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/evqd98/aita_my_mom_is_an_influencer_i_am_sick_of_being_a/	2020-01-29 17:55:20	nta - your mom has exploited you all your life, for money. that's shitty enough, but then to try and guilt-trip/manipulate you into continuing to participate even though you've told her explicitly you don't want to be a part of it anymore? that is beyond the pale. it's not like being an influencer is the only job on earth. go work in a travel agency or something! it's also not like she couldn't continue to be a blogger - she'd just have to rebrand to one that doesn't focus on being a "mommy" (yuck). surely being a mom isn't the only interesting thing about her?	nta. you have every right to feel that way. i think the hoodie is a brilliant idea! this is really interesting actually. perhaps legislation needs to be introduced to protect children from this kind of thing. we need a national discussion about the privacy rights of kids. -thanks for the award!!	nta. finally yall are old enough to complain. we have been worried about kids in your position for years but they were all too young to stand up for themselves. you are a part of a larger reckoning. contact other kids in your situation. start a club. sue the shit out of your parents maybe one day. what you went through is not normal and horrifying to normal adults without narcissistic personality disorder.	your mom isn't "negotiating;" she's demanding and manipulating. in her case, it is her job to post photos, and she's made you a part of her brand, meaning her followers expect to see you and your sister. you're gaining autonomy as you get older, which means the break away from your parents as an individual may be a bit more entangled than for your average teen. it's going to take some very defined boundaries, but whether or not you can enforce them at your age and in your situation is questionable. you've taken a step towards this with your hoodie (which was a creative and definitive solution, btw). how long, i wonder, until your mom is selling those hoodies as part of her merch?	nta. it’s been really interesting/kind of heartbreaking watching this sort of privacy violation unfold over the last two decades. people who make a living writing or photographing and posting about their kids, who can’t consent at a very young age — that feels questionable as it is. people who get salty to their kids when the kids point out how much it affects them, how much it can hurt them, and how selfish a process it is... that’s deeply uncool in my opinion. i’ve read pieces by moms about their daughters’ first periods, or their first kiss, or their first breakup. that’s so far across the line. i also think this kind of boundary-crossing happens allllll the time to kids with disabilities whose parents turn the story into one of their own sainthood or suffering — as a writer, i’ve always thought the only ethical way to do memoir or personal essays is to focus on change or trouble or growth within yourself, not steal stories from people who don’t want you to spill their business to the world. i hope your mom grows to understand your boundaries, and if not to understand them then at least respect them. you have every right to be worried about your future and your privacy. there was a 2016 blowup about this exact mommy-blogger issue, where a mom wrote about her daughter finding out her business was all over the internet — the mom doubled down about how this was her artistic expression and she wasn’t going to take anything down. people were... not supportive of that mom’s perspective for the most part, as far as i could tell. best wishes. your mom’s violating your privacy. wear your sweatshirt with a clear conscience until she gets it.	nta it amazes me how many parents forget that our kids are not our property. i share stores about my children online. however, i do not use my real name, i do not use their real names, and i do not post their photos. why? because that’s not my right. their lives will be forever impacted by what is posted online, and they deserve to chose what is shared. if i want to post about my own toilet habits, or my own tantrum or meltdown, that’s fine. it’s not my right to share theirs though. op, tell your mom that if she needs money, walmart is hiring. she can get a real job.	>she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by nta. she can do that by keeping pics on her phone or in an album. she's using you and sister as part of her "brand" without your consent. you have every right to ask her to take down all pics of you. i'm in my late 20s so thankfully missed out on having my childhood shared online for the whole world to see. enjoy wearing your hoody and i'm willing to buy you one in another colour if you'd like!	nta. maybe turn the tables on her. contact a journalist that would be willing to write a piece about kids of these "influencers". you can be anonymous. &#x200b; or create an account that documents your mom documenting you. but blur her face on the pics.	nta i'm surprised she hasn't gotten rid of the hoodies lol	nta. you are completely right to feel like your privacy is being invaded. my uncle has a job in social media directing and do you know how he addresses his kids on social media? oldest kid is #1, middle kid is #2, and youngest is #3. he never tags them or links his children’s social media’s, or ever mention their names. on facebook he doesn’t have their relation to him listed. if another family member makes a comment that has the children’s names, he deletes the comments. he does post pictures of them, and seeing as that’s your mom’s income, you guys might need to find a compromise on when she can post? even parents who don’t make a living off of their instagrams & blogs still post pictures of their kids, it’s family. there’s a way to go about it that doesn’t invade your privacy though.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a teenager and my mom is kinda famous on instagram and blogging. she had a mommy blog all when i was growing up and of course me and my sister were always involved. it sucks because there's so much our there about us and it's what's gonna come up when i'm looking for a job, when i'm dating, when anyone looks up my name. i found a website that will print custom jackets, print all over the front and back and arms... and i ordered some hoodies that say a bunch of phrases all over them. "no photos" "no videos" "i do not consent to be photographed" "no means no" "respect my privacy" "no cameras" "no profiting off my image" it sounds silly but it looks pretty sick actually. i got one for me and one for my nine year old sister who's started to not always want photos. and i guess the idea is that my mom can't take good looking pictures, even candid ones, with us in the hoodies without them having a pretty strong message that we don't want to be in pictures. my mom was mad when they showed up, and really mad when i'm wearing mine. like she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by, she won't post ones without asking but i know that's a whole mess anyway; she always says that and then negotiates me into letting her post, like either by saying that's how she makes income so if i want money for something, to stop arguing about pictures. or posting without asking and then saying i thought it would be ok because you're face wasn't visible / you're just in the background, etc. and i'm always like "no you didn't think. if you thought at all you'd remember what i said i want. no new pictures of me or mentions of me online. remove all pictures that include me that you've ever posted. and delete any writing that mentions me. i am just so fed up, and upset that my mom is mad at me for wearing my new hoodie everyday. she's mad i won't take it off for any event and thinks it's inappropriate to wear to certian things. i know it's really weird looking but it feels like my only option. edit to add a couple more things... she also says all the mentions of consent and "no means no" and "this body is my own" (sorry forgot to mention that one earlier) imply something more inappropriate and that it is really inappropriate to wear those words out in public. we've also fought about me wearing it to family events and school events with a generally dressier dress code, because it looks like a "gangster hoody". i don't know what to say to that, but i don't agree aita for always wearing my no photos hoodie?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am a teenager and my mom is kinda famous on instagram and blogging. she had a mommy blog all when i was growing up and of course me and my sister were always involved. it sucks because there's so much our there about us and it's what's gonna come up when i'm looking for a job, when i'm dating, when anyone looks up my name. i found a website that will print custom jackets, print all over the front and back and arms... and i ordered some hoodies that say a bunch of phrases all over them. "no photos" "no videos" "i do not consent to be photographed" "no means no" "respect my privacy" "no cameras" "no profiting off my image" it sounds silly but it looks pretty sick actually. i got one for me and one for my nine year old sister who's started to not always want photos. and i guess the idea is that my mom can't take good looking pictures, even candid ones, with us in the hoodies without them having a pretty strong message that we don't want to be in pictures. my mom was mad when they showed up, and really mad when i'm wearing mine. like she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by, she won't post ones without asking but i know that's a whole mess anyway; she always says that and then negotiates me into letting her post, like either by saying that's how she makes income so if i want money for something, to stop arguing about pictures. or posting without asking and then saying i thought it would be ok because you're face wasn't visible / you're just in the background, etc. and i'm always like "no you didn't think. if you thought at all you'd remember what i said i want. no new pictures of me or mentions of me online. remove all pictures that include me that you've ever posted. and delete any writing that mentions me. i am just so fed up, and upset that my mom is mad at me for wearing my new hoodie everyday. she's mad i won't take it off for any event and thinks it's inappropriate to wear to certian things. i know it's really weird looking but it feels like my only option. edit to add a couple more things... she also says all the mentions of consent and "no means no" and "this body is my own" (sorry forgot to mention that one earlier) imply something more inappropriate and that it is really inappropriate to wear those words out in public. we've also fought about me wearing it to family events and school events with a generally dressier dress code, because it looks like a "gangster hoody". i don't know what to say to that, but i don't agree aita for always wearing my no photos hoodie? [/INST] nta - your mom has exploited you all your life, for money. that's shitty enough, but then to try and guilt-trip/manipulate you into continuing to participate even though you've told her explicitly you don't want to be a part of it anymore? that is beyond the pale. it's not like being an influencer is the only job on earth. go work in a travel agency or something! it's also not like she couldn't continue to be a blogger - she'd just have to rebrand to one that doesn't focus on being a "mommy" (yuck). surely being a mom isn't the only interesting thing about her? </s>
AITA for not wanting my best friend to be godmother to my daughter due to her short life expectancy?	my best friend, mia, has cystic fibrosis. the average life expectancy for cystic fibrosis is about 37, but mias doctors don’t think she’ll get to 30. when we were kids and her cf wasn’t something i was hyper aware of, we agreed that we’d be godparents to each others kids. i recently gave birth to a baby girl, and obviously due to covid we’ve had no visitors to meet her, but i facetimed mia from the hospital. she started the call with “let me see my goddaughter then” and that’s when i remembered the agreement that we made. don’t get me wrong, i adore mia, she’s my best friend, but it seems a bit silly to allow her to be god mother when 1) she probably won’t be around by the time something could happen to go wrong for me and 2) her quality of life would in no way enable her to look after a child. i waited until we were home before i said anything to mia and when i asked her if she was okay with it she said she was, but i got a text from her mom later that night asking how i can claim to be her best friend when i treat her like that. a few of our friends have also said i’m an asshole for taking something away from mia that she’s been looking forward to for so long. i called mia and asked if she was upset and she said that she really was, and that it was another thing she couldn’t do because of her cf. i sympathise with her but i said i wasn’t going to change my mind. she’s really upset with me now, along with our friends and her parents. aita?	4,041	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gyyqqs/aita_for_not_wanting_my_best_friend_to_be/	2020-06-08 12:51:33	yta- godparents are someone who agree to guide and support the religious development of a child. it isn’t a legal position, you put that in your will. excluding her like this is cruel and unnecessary. let her be godmother and in your will state who will receive guardianship if you pass, here is where you choose someone who will be healthy and capable of raising a child. you have no doubt badly hurt your friend. apologise and try to mend things	yta, here's the thing. god parents aren't necessarily who her guardians will be. my god parents were a childless uncle, and the wife of a friend of my father's who we barely interacted with as i grew older. my sister's was someone my dad played cricket with and my 16 year olds aunt. in case something happened to my parents, we went to my mother's parents. with a different aunt and uncle ( from dad's side) as trustee. the fact is treatment for cystic fibrosis is becoming better and better, if you are really concerned about that, name multiple god parents...	are you kidding? of course yta. what is wrong with you?	yta you are perfectly capable of making legal arrangements for your daughter’s care in the event of your death with someone other than her godparents - it happens all the time. neither mine or my sister’s godparents were in a good position to raise a child, so my parents made arrangements with people who were while honoring people in our lives (some of whom didn’t have long to live) as godparents. your friend has a difficult illness with a poor prognosis. people do beat their doctors’ estimates all the time, so you have no way of knowing when she’ll die. but knowing that this is one of the things she’s looked forward to in the last years of her life and how much it’s meant to her, you are being cruel to deny her this honor. you say she’s your best friend. i’d hate to see how you treated any friend you valued even less than this. if i was her, i’d feel betrayed and be re-evaluating our friendship. what an awful thing to say to someone. yta	yta, by a landslide. godparent isn't even a legal title. and you told her!? are your social skills that poor you didn't think this would destroy your 'friend'. the victim here is your friend, with a shortened life span and she wasted her time on you.	yta. the term "godmother" can mean many things. what it doesn't automatically mean is "guardian of my child should i pass away or be otherwise unable to care for them." a child can also have multiple godparents - this is fairly common in a lot of circles. instead of naming mia as one of your child's godparents, you chose to remind her of her drastically shortened life expectancy by denying her something she's been excited for for a long time, especially as i'm guessing she's not going to have children of her own. mia's mom is right - how can you claim to be her best friend when you treat her like that?	yta poor mia. i wish she had a better bff. one who would comfort her and include her and make all the limited time she has left amazing. not one who says “hey look, you’re going to die in a few years anyway. sorry.” you can always appoint a 2nd godparent later. or have 2. it’s an honorary title. you can still appointment a legal guardian. there were better ways to handle this.	yta. a giant one. have you no tact? no sense of compassion? no social skills? you can have mia be the godparent to your child. call her the godparent. make her a very special part of your daughter's life. no matter her illness or life expectance. as to guardianship of your child in the extremely unlikely scenario that you outlive mia, and the child's other parent does too, you can make that decision legally however you feel best. that has nothing to do with the honorary role of godparent. that's a guardian. you seem surprised that she is upset. when you learned she was upset you didn't just put yourself in her shoes, you called and asked her if she was upset, which is another weird position to put her in. then dug in your heels and said you wouldn't change your mind. did it never, not once, occur to you to frame this any other way?	yta- she can be the godmother by title and you can ask someone else to care your child is something was to happen to you.	wow this is off the charts even for this sub. yta	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my best friend, mia, has cystic fibrosis. the average life expectancy for cystic fibrosis is about 37, but mias doctors don’t think she’ll get to 30. when we were kids and her cf wasn’t something i was hyper aware of, we agreed that we’d be godparents to each others kids. i recently gave birth to a baby girl, and obviously due to covid we’ve had no visitors to meet her, but i facetimed mia from the hospital. she started the call with “let me see my goddaughter then” and that’s when i remembered the agreement that we made. don’t get me wrong, i adore mia, she’s my best friend, but it seems a bit silly to allow her to be god mother when 1) she probably won’t be around by the time something could happen to go wrong for me and 2) her quality of life would in no way enable her to look after a child. i waited until we were home before i said anything to mia and when i asked her if she was okay with it she said she was, but i got a text from her mom later that night asking how i can claim to be her best friend when i treat her like that. a few of our friends have also said i’m an asshole for taking something away from mia that she’s been looking forward to for so long. i called mia and asked if she was upset and she said that she really was, and that it was another thing she couldn’t do because of her cf. i sympathise with her but i said i wasn’t going to change my mind. she’s really upset with me now, along with our friends and her parents. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my best friend, mia, has cystic fibrosis. the average life expectancy for cystic fibrosis is about 37, but mias doctors don’t think she’ll get to 30. when we were kids and her cf wasn’t something i was hyper aware of, we agreed that we’d be godparents to each others kids. i recently gave birth to a baby girl, and obviously due to covid we’ve had no visitors to meet her, but i facetimed mia from the hospital. she started the call with “let me see my goddaughter then” and that’s when i remembered the agreement that we made. don’t get me wrong, i adore mia, she’s my best friend, but it seems a bit silly to allow her to be god mother when 1) she probably won’t be around by the time something could happen to go wrong for me and 2) her quality of life would in no way enable her to look after a child. i waited until we were home before i said anything to mia and when i asked her if she was okay with it she said she was, but i got a text from her mom later that night asking how i can claim to be her best friend when i treat her like that. a few of our friends have also said i’m an asshole for taking something away from mia that she’s been looking forward to for so long. i called mia and asked if she was upset and she said that she really was, and that it was another thing she couldn’t do because of her cf. i sympathise with her but i said i wasn’t going to change my mind. she’s really upset with me now, along with our friends and her parents. aita? [/INST] yta- godparents are someone who agree to guide and support the religious development of a child. it isn’t a legal position, you put that in your will. excluding her like this is cruel and unnecessary. let her be godmother and in your will state who will receive guardianship if you pass, here is where you choose someone who will be healthy and capable of raising a child. you have no doubt badly hurt your friend. apologise and try to mend things </s>
AITA for asking my wife to do chores while pumping?	my wife is a sahm and i work long hours. when i get home, i just want to take a break for a little bit before helping out. everyday i get back, she immediately throws our baby at me and tells me to watch him while she goes breast pumps and watches korean drama for like an hour. i got her one of those portable pumps (willow, no tubing, fits in the bra) so she’s not stuck to one position while pumping. she says she can’t do chores or baby care because pumping is painful and she needs to do something she enjoys to get her mind off the pain or else she can’t get enough milk during that session. i told her i didn’t believe it and she was using pumping and milk production as an excuse to take a break and get away for an hour. i do not mind giving her a break but i feel like she’s making it up to justify a break. she accused me of calling her liar. (btw, when i say long hours, i’m talking like 14-18 hours a day, 6 days a week. there are days i only have 6 hours off between shifts but stead of sleeping, i have to watch our baby for an hour and it results in me only getting 5 hours of sleep for several nights. and i do help out a little during the 6 days and we split the rest of the work on my off day.)	3,969	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t009pn/aita_for_asking_my_wife_to_do_chores_while_pumping/	2022-02-24 03:14:56	yta pumping is so damn hard. it’s painful and if you can’t relax the milk won’t come.	no, you cannot "do chores" while pumping. aside from there being a freaking pump sticking out from your chest, it would be incredibly uncomfortable. things you can do while pumping: eating watching tv awkwardly using a computer petting a cat using your phone awkwardly reading a book things you cannot reasonably be expected to do while pumping: moving around the house folding laundry stuffing cloth diapers (trust me, i tried) anything that jiggles your breasts whatsoever holding a baby yta, in case you were wondering.	yta but i understand your predicament. you're looking at this the wrong way. you aren't considering that she's working all day too and her job is just as hard as yours is in a different way. it comes with almost no time off but for the bits of sleep she can get or that hour you give her when you get home. she's a 24 hour a day milking machine and it's hard work. what you need to do is reach out to family, see if someone can come in and help her out and lighten the load. hire a nanny or a housekeeper who comes in once or twice a week for a while, ask grandma or grandpa to take the baby for a walk so mom can rest, etc. seriously.	you have access to the entire internet but, instead of looking at resources about breast pumping to see if you could help your wife with the pain of pumping, you come here to ask if you're ta for disbelieving her. yta. thoroughly.	yta you have to watch your kid for one hour out of the day, and that’s not even to let your wife go out or have time to herself - it’s literally so she can get another chore done. yes, pumping is painful and cannot always be done while also walking around or watching the baby or doing other chores.	as a dad who used to work very similar hours, i can say, unequivocally: yta. jesus christ, she's at home all day, taking care of the kid, tending to the house, etc. even if she does just need a break, give it to her: she bore your child. my lord, try being a partner and a father.	[removed]	yta, you should try squeezing your nipples for one hour, multiple times a day, let me know if it doesn’t hurt.	yta, but only for making this a fight about pumping. both of you deserve breaks, and you need to have an adult conversation talking about when you can rest and when she can rest.	yta the milk will not come out if mother js in pain or anxious. distraction is vital in order for the letdown to happen. yta for not believing her and not doing your research. source: i’m an ibclc	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife is a sahm and i work long hours. when i get home, i just want to take a break for a little bit before helping out. everyday i get back, she immediately throws our baby at me and tells me to watch him while she goes breast pumps and watches korean drama for like an hour. i got her one of those portable pumps (willow, no tubing, fits in the bra) so she’s not stuck to one position while pumping. she says she can’t do chores or baby care because pumping is painful and she needs to do something she enjoys to get her mind off the pain or else she can’t get enough milk during that session. i told her i didn’t believe it and she was using pumping and milk production as an excuse to take a break and get away for an hour. i do not mind giving her a break but i feel like she’s making it up to justify a break. she accused me of calling her liar. (btw, when i say long hours, i’m talking like 14-18 hours a day, 6 days a week. there are days i only have 6 hours off between shifts but stead of sleeping, i have to watch our baby for an hour and it results in me only getting 5 hours of sleep for several nights. and i do help out a little during the 6 days and we split the rest of the work on my off day.)	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife is a sahm and i work long hours. when i get home, i just want to take a break for a little bit before helping out. everyday i get back, she immediately throws our baby at me and tells me to watch him while she goes breast pumps and watches korean drama for like an hour. i got her one of those portable pumps (willow, no tubing, fits in the bra) so she’s not stuck to one position while pumping. she says she can’t do chores or baby care because pumping is painful and she needs to do something she enjoys to get her mind off the pain or else she can’t get enough milk during that session. i told her i didn’t believe it and she was using pumping and milk production as an excuse to take a break and get away for an hour. i do not mind giving her a break but i feel like she’s making it up to justify a break. she accused me of calling her liar. (btw, when i say long hours, i’m talking like 14-18 hours a day, 6 days a week. there are days i only have 6 hours off between shifts but stead of sleeping, i have to watch our baby for an hour and it results in me only getting 5 hours of sleep for several nights. and i do help out a little during the 6 days and we split the rest of the work on my off day.) [/INST] yta pumping is so damn hard. it’s painful and if you can’t relax the milk won’t come. </s>
AITA for singing a song to my wife at our wedding and making her angry?	i just got married last week (my wife and i are both in our thirties). i am mexican, she is american, but we both grew up in the us and both our families know both languages. my wife planned every bit of the wedding and was a very controlling and nervous bride, but alright, i get that she was stressed. during the reception i went to the band and asked them to play a song for me to sing to my new wife. it was te amare by miguel bose. it was the song from out first date in a really bad mexican restaurant, so it became a long standing joke between us. the guests really loved the song, my mil cried and told me it was beautiful, but my bride seemed upset. i asked her what's wrong and she said i am an ah for taking the spotlight to enforce my ethnicity and not just let the band sing our song for us. aita?	21,573	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vitvd4/aita_for_singing_a_song_to_my_wife_at_our_wedding/	2022-06-23 10:35:30	nta, what a weird way to view what happened..	nta. you sung a song that is significant to the two of you, at your own wedding. this incident on its own is a bit of a red flag, that she reduced it to your 'ethnicity'. even ignoring that it was a song that was actually significant to the two of you, does your culture and ethnicity disappear because you married an american woman? seems like a pretty racist reaction.	nta. it’s your day too you know… she should have just appreciated the moment and sentiment and found it funny and charming that you remembered	nta-- is she normally like this, though? what an odd reason for being upset. i'm of mexican descent and my husband is of polish/german descent, so we worked on highlighting traditions from both sides at our wedding (although more from the mexican side, since i follow more of my traditions than he does). i know she may have been stressed, but it was your wedding, too. has she shown any indications of having an issue with mexican heritage before? you'll want to find out now, before you have kids (if that is the case).	ehmm... miguel bosé is not even mexican. and how did this "enforce" your ethnicity? half of the guests were your family, or does her side didn't know you were mexican? she didnt want people to know that you speak spanish? nta, yo le estaría preguntando exactamente qué le pasa, porque su argumento no tiene ni pies ni cabeza.	nta but this is a huge red flag, imo >she said i am an ah for taking the spotlight to enforce my ethnicity and not just let the band sing our song for us.	nta. it sounds like a very sweet and meaningful gesture, and your newly married bride should have been over the moon about it. you are definitely nta.	nta. and this is a very weird (and concerning) mentality to have - "enforce your ethnicity"? what the hell? the wedding is both her and your day, so you get to fill it out, as well. trying to basically minimalize your impact on your own wedding day is a special piece of bridezilla hell.	her response is... concerning. if she's uncomfortable with your ethnic identity... maybe you two shouldn't be married / reproduce. unless you're uncomfortable with it too. then the song was a really weird choice. so i'm assuming that's not the case. she said something weirdly racist at your wedding. i'd call that a red flag. if it's not the first one... uhoh. if it is... maybe time for a hard conversation? definitely nta.	for one, it was your own wedding too and you can do what you like so nta. but "enforce your ethnicity" .. wtf? what an awful day to learn your (now) wife is racist.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i just got married last week (my wife and i are both in our thirties). i am mexican, she is american, but we both grew up in the us and both our families know both languages. my wife planned every bit of the wedding and was a very controlling and nervous bride, but alright, i get that she was stressed. during the reception i went to the band and asked them to play a song for me to sing to my new wife. it was te amare by miguel bose. it was the song from out first date in a really bad mexican restaurant, so it became a long standing joke between us. the guests really loved the song, my mil cried and told me it was beautiful, but my bride seemed upset. i asked her what's wrong and she said i am an ah for taking the spotlight to enforce my ethnicity and not just let the band sing our song for us. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i just got married last week (my wife and i are both in our thirties). i am mexican, she is american, but we both grew up in the us and both our families know both languages. my wife planned every bit of the wedding and was a very controlling and nervous bride, but alright, i get that she was stressed. during the reception i went to the band and asked them to play a song for me to sing to my new wife. it was te amare by miguel bose. it was the song from out first date in a really bad mexican restaurant, so it became a long standing joke between us. the guests really loved the song, my mil cried and told me it was beautiful, but my bride seemed upset. i asked her what's wrong and she said i am an ah for taking the spotlight to enforce my ethnicity and not just let the band sing our song for us. aita? [/INST] nta, what a weird way to view what happened.. </s>
AITA for kicking my brother's fiancee out of my car on her engagement night?	my brother's engagement dinner was last night. i don't like his fiancee for several reasons. she's mean and brutally "honest" with her comments about my life. always trys to belittle me every chance she gets. like belittling my degree and living situation. i'm civil though i have a temper and sometimes i can be mean towards those with no respect. (my wife passed away from breast cancer. we bought a car and it's the first decent car we got and my wife and i didn't make a lot of money so it was a challenge to save up. it was her choice so i make sure to keep it maintened regularly. my brother's fiancee made comments about it calling it a piece of junk and it hurt cause it's part of mine and my wife's past)- . when the party was over, my cousin left (was the one who got them to the restaurant) and my brother didn't want to take an uber. he wanted me to give them a ride, i said okay but his fiancee stood there saying she wasn't going to ride in that piece of junk on her engagement night. i got really annoyed by this comment and my mom who was in the passenger seat did too. my brother spent 5 minutes convincing her and she finally got inside the car but didnt stop with her constant criticisms on how awful and dirty my car was. and continuously calling it a piece of junk. my brother said nothing so i made eye contact via the rear-view mirror and said if she called my car a piece of junk one more time, she's out. i don't care if i drop her off in the middle of no-where. my brother's fiancee went quiet for a few minutes then commented on the necklace that was hanging from the rear-view mirror calling it ugly asking why i'd hang cheap, ugly stuff to make this piece of junk even uglier. i fucking had it that necklace belongs to my wife for christ's sake. i got mad i stopped the car and told her to shut the fuck up and get the the fuck out. my brother asked if i was serious while mom was trying to get me to continue driving. i repeatedly told her to get out but didn't so i got out, walked up to her side and opened the door for her to step out. she started crying and my brother called me nuts for acting out like that. i told both of them to get out and they did. i drove off and mom didn't stop yelling saying i can't leave them on the street, they just got engaged. and told me to turn around and pick them up but i screamed at her to stay the fuck out of it or she'll join them. she told the family what i did and my dad was pissed saying it was disgraceful to do this to my brother and his fiancee and should be ashamed of myself for making a scene on their engagement night. he said i need serious help for my anger and should've just sucked it up til i got home. mid-argument i walked out leaving him talking to himself. i'm sure my brother doesn't want to see me for "letting him down" on a special night in his life but his fiancee was being disrespectful. so was i ta?.	18,075	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nh2e6d/aita_for_kicking_my_brothers_fiancee_out_of_my/	2021-05-20 14:57:09	nta. people who are proud of having a "brutally honest" personality just enjoy being cruel. you had every right to defend your deceased wife's necklace and your belongings. you'd be upset with yourself if you didn't. i'm sorry for your loss.	nta. the fact that it was their engagement party is not even relevant to this, in no way does that excuse her awful behaviour.	nta (assuming that you left them somewhere where they could get home from, and weren't in immediate danger of being eaten by a wolf). why on earth is your brother more assertive with his fiancee when trying to save $20 on an uber than when she's cruelly insulting his sibling?	nta the fact she started crying is very manipulative, she pushed too far	the only disgraceful thing i've read here is how your family treats your wife's legacy. maybe the car is "a piece of junk" and maybe the necklace is cheap, but it has immense value to you because it belonged to your late wife and they stomped all over both your feelings as well as your boundaries and i feel like until they address that it would be a good time to limit the contact you have with all of them unless you (and especially your wife's memory) want to continue be the doormate for them and the butt of their "jokes". nta.	im proud of you. you took way too much of that shit. fiancee is like the biggest ah. you're nta	nta. although i wonder why you even showed up to the engagement dinner. all of your family taking your brother and his fiance's side make me think this is not the first time. they must know how rude and disrespectful she is to you and still, nothing is done about it. why put up with the possibility of humiliation on the day everyone will give that despicable woman a free pass? you got to have a serious talk with them, op. if they keep this bs on, you'll have to distance yourself from them.	nta toxic as hell it appears they are.	you are so beyond being not the asshole that i have to wonder if this is real. nta. edit to add judgment	jesus christ op nta. who calls someone else's ride, the only means of transportation they have for the night a piece of junk? let alone the car that you and your late wife shared. your family knows your history and they let that husk of a woman day all that? don't expect to be invited to the wedding but don't expect the marriage to last long either.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother's engagement dinner was last night. i don't like his fiancee for several reasons. she's mean and brutally "honest" with her comments about my life. always trys to belittle me every chance she gets. like belittling my degree and living situation. i'm civil though i have a temper and sometimes i can be mean towards those with no respect. (my wife passed away from breast cancer. we bought a car and it's the first decent car we got and my wife and i didn't make a lot of money so it was a challenge to save up. it was her choice so i make sure to keep it maintened regularly. my brother's fiancee made comments about it calling it a piece of junk and it hurt cause it's part of mine and my wife's past)- . when the party was over, my cousin left (was the one who got them to the restaurant) and my brother didn't want to take an uber. he wanted me to give them a ride, i said okay but his fiancee stood there saying she wasn't going to ride in that piece of junk on her engagement night. i got really annoyed by this comment and my mom who was in the passenger seat did too. my brother spent 5 minutes convincing her and she finally got inside the car but didnt stop with her constant criticisms on how awful and dirty my car was. and continuously calling it a piece of junk. my brother said nothing so i made eye contact via the rear-view mirror and said if she called my car a piece of junk one more time, she's out. i don't care if i drop her off in the middle of no-where. my brother's fiancee went quiet for a few minutes then commented on the necklace that was hanging from the rear-view mirror calling it ugly asking why i'd hang cheap, ugly stuff to make this piece of junk even uglier. i fucking had it that necklace belongs to my wife for christ's sake. i got mad i stopped the car and told her to shut the fuck up and get the the fuck out. my brother asked if i was serious while mom was trying to get me to continue driving. i repeatedly told her to get out but didn't so i got out, walked up to her side and opened the door for her to step out. she started crying and my brother called me nuts for acting out like that. i told both of them to get out and they did. i drove off and mom didn't stop yelling saying i can't leave them on the street, they just got engaged. and told me to turn around and pick them up but i screamed at her to stay the fuck out of it or she'll join them. she told the family what i did and my dad was pissed saying it was disgraceful to do this to my brother and his fiancee and should be ashamed of myself for making a scene on their engagement night. he said i need serious help for my anger and should've just sucked it up til i got home. mid-argument i walked out leaving him talking to himself. i'm sure my brother doesn't want to see me for "letting him down" on a special night in his life but his fiancee was being disrespectful. so was i ta?.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my brother's engagement dinner was last night. i don't like his fiancee for several reasons. she's mean and brutally "honest" with her comments about my life. always trys to belittle me every chance she gets. like belittling my degree and living situation. i'm civil though i have a temper and sometimes i can be mean towards those with no respect. (my wife passed away from breast cancer. we bought a car and it's the first decent car we got and my wife and i didn't make a lot of money so it was a challenge to save up. it was her choice so i make sure to keep it maintened regularly. my brother's fiancee made comments about it calling it a piece of junk and it hurt cause it's part of mine and my wife's past)- . when the party was over, my cousin left (was the one who got them to the restaurant) and my brother didn't want to take an uber. he wanted me to give them a ride, i said okay but his fiancee stood there saying she wasn't going to ride in that piece of junk on her engagement night. i got really annoyed by this comment and my mom who was in the passenger seat did too. my brother spent 5 minutes convincing her and she finally got inside the car but didnt stop with her constant criticisms on how awful and dirty my car was. and continuously calling it a piece of junk. my brother said nothing so i made eye contact via the rear-view mirror and said if she called my car a piece of junk one more time, she's out. i don't care if i drop her off in the middle of no-where. my brother's fiancee went quiet for a few minutes then commented on the necklace that was hanging from the rear-view mirror calling it ugly asking why i'd hang cheap, ugly stuff to make this piece of junk even uglier. i fucking had it that necklace belongs to my wife for christ's sake. i got mad i stopped the car and told her to shut the fuck up and get the the fuck out. my brother asked if i was serious while mom was trying to get me to continue driving. i repeatedly told her to get out but didn't so i got out, walked up to her side and opened the door for her to step out. she started crying and my brother called me nuts for acting out like that. i told both of them to get out and they did. i drove off and mom didn't stop yelling saying i can't leave them on the street, they just got engaged. and told me to turn around and pick them up but i screamed at her to stay the fuck out of it or she'll join them. she told the family what i did and my dad was pissed saying it was disgraceful to do this to my brother and his fiancee and should be ashamed of myself for making a scene on their engagement night. he said i need serious help for my anger and should've just sucked it up til i got home. mid-argument i walked out leaving him talking to himself. i'm sure my brother doesn't want to see me for "letting him down" on a special night in his life but his fiancee was being disrespectful. so was i ta?. [/INST] nta. people who are proud of having a "brutally honest" personality just enjoy being cruel. you had every right to defend your deceased wife's necklace and your belongings. you'd be upset with yourself if you didn't. i'm sorry for your loss. </s>
AITA for giving away my daughter's dog	my daughter is 16 and struggles with depression. my wife decided a year ago on her 15th birthday to get her a puppy just so she had a companion. she was instantly attached to him as he was to her and she took on full responsibility fir him aside from vet care because she can't afford that. she was very good at taking care of him. never missed a meal or a walk. the problem was that no matter how well taken care of he was, he always makes messes in the house. we tried getting him house trained many times, and we had to have puppy pads at all times and it was starting to burden us financially. so two weeks ago, i told my daughter that since nothing is working, i think he needs to be with a family who can keep up with his high maintenance. she did not take it well, and these are her words: "i'm the one who takes care of the dog and cleans up after him, it's barely affecting you." i told her that it is because of how many additional things we have to get just to make sure his messes are smaller. she looked me dead in the eye and said "if you take my dog away from me i promise you i will make your life a living hell for the next two years that i live with you." i gave the dog to a very stable family two days later. my daughter has been avoiding us, and has only spoken to us to make snarky comments. if i come down to her room to talk to her, she looks around and says "hmm what are you gonna take from me next?" or "how do you wanna ruin my life now?" it's exhausting to deal with. she'll come upstairs and start crying and saying that she's now all alone and has nobody, and she accuses us of not loving her. one thing she said before we gave the dog away is "if you give my dog away, i'll know where i stand with you because if you truly cared about me and my wellbeing you wouldn't put me in a position where my mental state plummeted." she now holds us to that and often says "why are you asking if i'm doing fine? you don't give a fuck about me and you're only asking to make yourself look good." and "you don't love me you caused me to have a depressive episode" etc. i really feel awful about this situation and i feel like i made the wrong decision in giving her dog away, because now my kid has not expressed a hint of positive emotion unless she's on a call with her friends or her boyfriend. aita?	5,808	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fv0n38/aita_for_giving_away_my_daughters_dog/	2020-04-04 20:24:01	yta, she took care of it and cleaned up it's messes and it was clearly helping her with her depression and such. i don't blame her for being pissed, it was her pet.	holy yta - you gave away her dog? and now you’re annoyed that she won’t trust you or talk to you after she took as much responsibility as she physically could for him? you could have tried a trainer or taken the dog to a vet for advice. you knew how much she loved that dog and how much he meant to her, you are ta and you must know you are.	yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta!yta! also, did i mention....... yta! i'd never forgive you. your daughter would be insane to trust you again. you better hope she forgives you when you give the dog back,but i promise you she'll never forget if she even has the slightest bit of sanity.	why is this even a question?? yta	what the hell is wrong with you. youre not only an asshole, you're a heartless asshole. i have so many nasty things to say. i cant even. wow.	yta. please get her dog back. this is so sad.	yta dogs are living creatures if you get one you are responsible for it. you don’t get to just dump it for being inconvenient. and failure to train properly is entirely on you. it takes time but the dog would get there. not to mention the heart ache you caused your daughter for no particularly good reason. your daughter will never view you the same way nor should she. with treatment she will heal and grow past this time of extreme depression. but she won’t forgive this.	yta. jeez. you get rid of a living being because he's having a bit of trouble being housetrained. i've had dogs my whole life and my current dog took a year and a half to housetrain - he's pretty dumb (but sweet as sugar!). if your daughter was cleaning up the messes, working on training him, providing his care, then you just punished her for being responsible. if it's too expensive, you should have told her to get a job to pay for the pads. and to do this when the dog was helping her depression? wow. i hope she does make your life difficult for two years. of course then you'll probably get rid of her too.	okay look. even if it were just an ordinary pet, ywbta for taking away your child's pet when they're doing everything they can to care for it and doing a good job. add in that this was actively helping your daughter's depression... does the mere knowledge of messes that you don't even have to clean up actually bother you more than your daughter's clinical depression? or is it the 20 cents per puppy pad that's such an outrage? how much do you think her antidepressants and therapy are going to cost? hint: it is more than the cleaning supplies. and if the cost is really such a hardship--she's 16. she can get a job. it could be good for her to do so (current pandemic excepted). you could have talked to her about this, you could have looked for solutions, but instead you did what was easiest for you despite knowing it would be most harmful for her. and then after you did this huge hurtful thing to your daughter who has extra reason to be affected by it, then you have the gall to complain that she's unhappy with you two weeks later? how the hell can you look at this situation and feel indignant that your daughter has feelings? she's right to wonder what you'll take from her next: that's exactly what you did and it rightly broke her trust in you in a completely reasonable and predictable way. she no longer feels her possessions are safe from you and she is correct. if you decide her phone costs too much or her clothes are too messy or whatever, you have shown her by your actions that you'll take them away without even trying to problem solve with her and there's nothing she can do about it. she's right to say that if you cared about her mental health you wouldn't have done this. there may be some necessary things you have to do that will upset her, and it wouldn't be fair of her to complain this way about those, but this was not one of them and you did harm her mental health needlessly. she's right that it's ridiculous to ask if she's okay when you know very well that she's not and you caused it. and you complain that her justified anger and hurt and distrust, which you caused, are just so exhausting for you? you poor baby. yta. yta so undeniably and resoundingly that i'm amazed nobody in your life has managed to clue you in. i suspect the only way you're ever going to understand how badly you've fucked up is if it actually starts to affect your life, so i hope for your daughter's sake that it does.	yta as a dog trainer (and pet owner who deals with a similar issue due to my dogs low confidence level we are working on it) potty training cannot be taught by a trainer unless they live with you. that’s all on the entire family for not potty training him. you took the dog in, that dog was relying on you and your daughter to care for it. animals are not something you can only keep until it gets inconvenient. many senior pets have accidents too were you going to get rid of him then as well? it’s part of having a pet. and you took away your daughters source of joy. it got her out of the house getting fresh air, that dog gave her a reason to fight her depression, get out of bed, something to live for. and you took that. i cannot blame her at all for being pissed.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter is 16 and struggles with depression. my wife decided a year ago on her 15th birthday to get her a puppy just so she had a companion. she was instantly attached to him as he was to her and she took on full responsibility fir him aside from vet care because she can't afford that. she was very good at taking care of him. never missed a meal or a walk. the problem was that no matter how well taken care of he was, he always makes messes in the house. we tried getting him house trained many times, and we had to have puppy pads at all times and it was starting to burden us financially. so two weeks ago, i told my daughter that since nothing is working, i think he needs to be with a family who can keep up with his high maintenance. she did not take it well, and these are her words: "i'm the one who takes care of the dog and cleans up after him, it's barely affecting you." i told her that it is because of how many additional things we have to get just to make sure his messes are smaller. she looked me dead in the eye and said "if you take my dog away from me i promise you i will make your life a living hell for the next two years that i live with you." i gave the dog to a very stable family two days later. my daughter has been avoiding us, and has only spoken to us to make snarky comments. if i come down to her room to talk to her, she looks around and says "hmm what are you gonna take from me next?" or "how do you wanna ruin my life now?" it's exhausting to deal with. she'll come upstairs and start crying and saying that she's now all alone and has nobody, and she accuses us of not loving her. one thing she said before we gave the dog away is "if you give my dog away, i'll know where i stand with you because if you truly cared about me and my wellbeing you wouldn't put me in a position where my mental state plummeted." she now holds us to that and often says "why are you asking if i'm doing fine? you don't give a fuck about me and you're only asking to make yourself look good." and "you don't love me you caused me to have a depressive episode" etc. i really feel awful about this situation and i feel like i made the wrong decision in giving her dog away, because now my kid has not expressed a hint of positive emotion unless she's on a call with her friends or her boyfriend. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my daughter is 16 and struggles with depression. my wife decided a year ago on her 15th birthday to get her a puppy just so she had a companion. she was instantly attached to him as he was to her and she took on full responsibility fir him aside from vet care because she can't afford that. she was very good at taking care of him. never missed a meal or a walk. the problem was that no matter how well taken care of he was, he always makes messes in the house. we tried getting him house trained many times, and we had to have puppy pads at all times and it was starting to burden us financially. so two weeks ago, i told my daughter that since nothing is working, i think he needs to be with a family who can keep up with his high maintenance. she did not take it well, and these are her words: "i'm the one who takes care of the dog and cleans up after him, it's barely affecting you." i told her that it is because of how many additional things we have to get just to make sure his messes are smaller. she looked me dead in the eye and said "if you take my dog away from me i promise you i will make your life a living hell for the next two years that i live with you." i gave the dog to a very stable family two days later. my daughter has been avoiding us, and has only spoken to us to make snarky comments. if i come down to her room to talk to her, she looks around and says "hmm what are you gonna take from me next?" or "how do you wanna ruin my life now?" it's exhausting to deal with. she'll come upstairs and start crying and saying that she's now all alone and has nobody, and she accuses us of not loving her. one thing she said before we gave the dog away is "if you give my dog away, i'll know where i stand with you because if you truly cared about me and my wellbeing you wouldn't put me in a position where my mental state plummeted." she now holds us to that and often says "why are you asking if i'm doing fine? you don't give a fuck about me and you're only asking to make yourself look good." and "you don't love me you caused me to have a depressive episode" etc. i really feel awful about this situation and i feel like i made the wrong decision in giving her dog away, because now my kid has not expressed a hint of positive emotion unless she's on a call with her friends or her boyfriend. aita? [/INST] yta, she took care of it and cleaned up it's messes and it was clearly helping her with her depression and such. i don't blame her for being pissed, it was her pet. </s>
AITA for not changing my rules and terminating care?	i have a home daycare. i like to think i’m pretty lenient but i do have one big rule: don’t make me the bad guy. i understand we might have different rules but don’t make your child resent me by not backing me up. anyway, another rule is i don’t allow outside toys or electronics. kids can bring a stuffed animals for nap if they’re sleeping on rest mats but i don’t want to be responsible if something gets broken. years ago, i used to let kids bring whatever. then a cheap mcdonalds toy broke by accident, kid was upset and mom got mad at me. so now it’s a hard rule. most are okay with it. but i have a new kid (3) who’s mom wanted him to bring his tablet because “he needs it”. i said sorry but no. i’m not going to be responsible for it. we went back and forth but finally she just says fine. but every morning, he’s crying because she took his tablet from him in the car. she always gives me this look and says “miss lucy says no tablet.” i always try to say we have plenty of toys, but the kids spends the whole morning sulking. i’ve talked to mom, asked her to leave it at home and not even put it in the car but she says he “needs it”. it’s been a month and yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. kid came in crying as usual. i tried my usual redirection which didn’t work. mom was giving me a look of “see what you did”. then she had the nerve to say to him “i know you need your tablet, we’ve talked about this before, miss lucy is strict”. that pissed me off. i ended up telling her to take him home right then and there. she was shocked and tried to stammer. he was my first kid of the day so there was no scene. i just handed back his backpack, said he was no longer a student of mine and began to pack his extra clothes and the sippy cup he kept. mom was in tears as she left. my husband thinks she was right. i’m too strict and should’ve broken policy instead of causing drama. aita?	22,572	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l7jgck/aita_for_not_changing_my_rules_and_terminating/	2021-01-29 04:42:31	nta. tell your husband to watch the kid. that kid has problems if he's already addicted to that tablet. 10 bucks says "he needs it" means i don't want to have to engage him so i shut him up with electronics.	nta. if her only explanation was that he ‘needs it’ without any context or information then she knew your rules before enrolling her kid. she can’t expect people to bend to her every whim.	nta she had an entire month to explain to this kid that they can be no electronics at daycare. she chose to act like it was a big deal eve ru single morning, so of course kid is going to act that way. obviously she wasn’t even trying to follow the rules. you did right. in situations ike this, you give an inch, and they will take a mile. or someone else will demand an exception. it becomes too hard to keep up with it all. anyone with a sob story will get you to waiver. you are doing the right thing to just stop it now. your husband is kind of being a jerk about it. why should you bend the rules for this one kid? what does he care? i’m sure you can find someone to take his place. what kind of example does it set for all of the other kids? also, a 3 yr old should not need any electronic whatsoever. kid is a toddler. should not be that attached to a screen. she probably never actually parents that kid. i’m sure the tablet does all the work for her.	a 3 year-old does not need a frickin tablet. all that says to me is that she can't be bothered to have "play time" with him at home and just dumps the tablet in his lap to occupy himself. that in and of itself annoys me enough to put nta before the other shenanigans.	[removed]	nta. the mom’s behavior is disgusting. she agreed to your terms by having her child attend your daycare and then undermined your authority with her weird passive-aggressive behavior (which teaches her kid nothing about following any societal expectations). good for you for showing mom and child behaviors have consequences!	nta. the best possible cause of the mother's behavior would be if the kid was, like, non-verbal autistic or something and literally did need the tablet to be able to communicate. but in that case... you don't bring the kid to a place that doesn't allow tablets, and in all honesty you probably need to seek slightly more specialized daycare. and this definitely doesn't sound like that. it just sounds like a spoiled kid whose mother can't be bothered to actually parent him.	nta and good for you ms. lucy. children have to learn at some point that the world isn’t going to cater to them and/or the way their parents choose to treat them. you’ve made the rules clear - the mother is fully to blame here.	ugh. he probably does need it, because he’s an addict. research has shown that the brain on cocaine looks just like a brain on screen time. i shamefully wish i didn’t experience this first hand 😞 my son had to literally go through a digital “detox” at age seven. however, nta...big time. mom needs a reckoning. and this won’t be the only time she will be refused childcare if she keeps it up.	nta at all for all the reason you mentioned above plus no child should be addicted to a tablet at such a young age. like wtf.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a home daycare. i like to think i’m pretty lenient but i do have one big rule: don’t make me the bad guy. i understand we might have different rules but don’t make your child resent me by not backing me up. anyway, another rule is i don’t allow outside toys or electronics. kids can bring a stuffed animals for nap if they’re sleeping on rest mats but i don’t want to be responsible if something gets broken. years ago, i used to let kids bring whatever. then a cheap mcdonalds toy broke by accident, kid was upset and mom got mad at me. so now it’s a hard rule. most are okay with it. but i have a new kid (3) who’s mom wanted him to bring his tablet because “he needs it”. i said sorry but no. i’m not going to be responsible for it. we went back and forth but finally she just says fine. but every morning, he’s crying because she took his tablet from him in the car. she always gives me this look and says “miss lucy says no tablet.” i always try to say we have plenty of toys, but the kids spends the whole morning sulking. i’ve talked to mom, asked her to leave it at home and not even put it in the car but she says he “needs it”. it’s been a month and yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. kid came in crying as usual. i tried my usual redirection which didn’t work. mom was giving me a look of “see what you did”. then she had the nerve to say to him “i know you need your tablet, we’ve talked about this before, miss lucy is strict”. that pissed me off. i ended up telling her to take him home right then and there. she was shocked and tried to stammer. he was my first kid of the day so there was no scene. i just handed back his backpack, said he was no longer a student of mine and began to pack his extra clothes and the sippy cup he kept. mom was in tears as she left. my husband thinks she was right. i’m too strict and should’ve broken policy instead of causing drama. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have a home daycare. i like to think i’m pretty lenient but i do have one big rule: don’t make me the bad guy. i understand we might have different rules but don’t make your child resent me by not backing me up. anyway, another rule is i don’t allow outside toys or electronics. kids can bring a stuffed animals for nap if they’re sleeping on rest mats but i don’t want to be responsible if something gets broken. years ago, i used to let kids bring whatever. then a cheap mcdonalds toy broke by accident, kid was upset and mom got mad at me. so now it’s a hard rule. most are okay with it. but i have a new kid (3) who’s mom wanted him to bring his tablet because “he needs it”. i said sorry but no. i’m not going to be responsible for it. we went back and forth but finally she just says fine. but every morning, he’s crying because she took his tablet from him in the car. she always gives me this look and says “miss lucy says no tablet.” i always try to say we have plenty of toys, but the kids spends the whole morning sulking. i’ve talked to mom, asked her to leave it at home and not even put it in the car but she says he “needs it”. it’s been a month and yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. kid came in crying as usual. i tried my usual redirection which didn’t work. mom was giving me a look of “see what you did”. then she had the nerve to say to him “i know you need your tablet, we’ve talked about this before, miss lucy is strict”. that pissed me off. i ended up telling her to take him home right then and there. she was shocked and tried to stammer. he was my first kid of the day so there was no scene. i just handed back his backpack, said he was no longer a student of mine and began to pack his extra clothes and the sippy cup he kept. mom was in tears as she left. my husband thinks she was right. i’m too strict and should’ve broken policy instead of causing drama. aita? [/INST] nta. tell your husband to watch the kid. that kid has problems if he's already addicted to that tablet. 10 bucks says "he needs it" means i don't want to have to engage him so i shut him up with electronics. </s>
AITA for asking my girlfriend to ask someone she knows for a loan of 500k to start off my business.	my girlfriend (20f) and i (20m) come from a very poor background. our parents moved to the u.s for a better life. my partner and i are both first generations. we often struggle to make payments because of our background, we’re either making a big purchase or helping out family. my girlfriend is a caregiver. the lady she has taken care of for over a year now has made a friend. my girlfriend got to meet the friend and it turns out she’s a millionaire. my girlfriend told she was a millionaire because my gf thought it was cool. i saw it as an opportunity to see if the millionaire was willing to give us a loan to start the business since i know it will be successful and we’ll be out of the poverty line, however, my girlfriend sees it as us begging and asking for money as if the millionaire owes us. my girlfriend thinks this is a handout but in reality it’s a loan that an average bank won’t give to anyone my age and that’s why i see it as an opportunity. since the conversation i haven’t stopped thinking about it because i hate seeing my mom working night shifts and i hate not being able to hang out with my family as much or my gf as much. i see this as it’s either we wait 10 years if not more to barely be over the poverty line or we can be over in as little as 2 months. aita?	7,373	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x4bx18/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_ask_someone_she/	2022-09-02 20:42:45	yta. just because her 'friend' is a millionaire doesn't make it right to ask them for a financial loan to start a business. it's downright rude in fact. plus, never loan money to friends.	yta and beyond that unless the "millionaire" is senile or an idiot she is not going to loan you any money let alone $500,000. your gf is just going to embarrass herself and possibly ruin her relationship with her employer for even asking such a ridiculous thing. people most likely wouldn't lend that amount of money to their 23 year old children let along a stranger.	yta. asking the friend of someone your gf professionally cares for for $500k out of the blue is an inappropriate thing for her to ask as someone in her position. if you asked, you would not only not get the $500k (nobody would give such a huge loan to someone with no track record, you don't become a millionaire by giving away half a million every time someone asks), you'd probably lose the income your gf brings in. i assume the person being cared for is vulnerable in some way, and your gf is in a position of trust. to use that trust to potentially put a strain on the person's friendship is absolutely inappropriate.	the fact that you think a millionaire will hand out 500k for a random 20 year old and that you think it's ok to make such an obnoxious request through your girlfriends risking her relationship with her employer tells me everything about how much business acumen you have. yta read more, educate yourself on interpersonal skills and business management, build a solid plan and you will find a way. good luck.	i think you’re delusional, but i don’t think that’s an official verdict here so i’ll go with yta . it’s not even someone your girlfriend knows, it’s a friend of her client. depending on how the friend take the request and the stipulations of your gf’s work policies, she could very easily loose her job over something like this. it’s insanely unprofessional.	yes yta.	yes yta. you're willing to put your gf job on the line for this. truthfully, who will give a 20 year old a loan for $500k. did you even think this thru? if said person is a millionaire, they didn't get there making poor financial decisions. what happens when this person tells gf boss about the request?	yta. more than half of all small businesses fail. what experience and education does a twenty-year-old guy have to make you think you can run a successful business? and expect an unrelated person to shell out half a million dollars into? that is a lot of money to just hand over to a young, inexperienced person. don't even call it a loan because the reality is that the person will never see that money repaid. it's her money, nobody else's, and you aren't entitled to any of it. listen to your girlfriend. work your way up, polish your job skills, get some training or education. stop with the shady get-rich-quick schemes.	this is one of the funniest posts ever. hey rich person i barely know, can you loan me $500k? of course no problem let me get my cheque book. 🙄 yta 500k times over	yta, there's a reason banks won't give this kind of loan to young people starting a business and the same reasons apply for the millionaire friend. - you have no experience running your own business. - the business runs every risk of losing all that money (yes, it does, no matter how sure you are, if still does) - what the hell kind of business needs this much to start? - you don't seem to even be planning to give this rich friend a pitch of your own or seem to have even tried to find a lonegiver on your own, you just want your gf to ask for a loan for you, and that shows how lazy you are: an indication you are not prepared for the work of running your own business. - you also state you want to hang out more with family and gf, starting your own business will not give you that... also indicating you do not understand the amount of work it will require from you to be successful. my tip: take a business class and start out with something very small without risking loosing a lot of money and see how that goes first. then you can pursue the bigger dream if you still think it's what you want.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend (20f) and i (20m) come from a very poor background. our parents moved to the u.s for a better life. my partner and i are both first generations. we often struggle to make payments because of our background, we’re either making a big purchase or helping out family. my girlfriend is a caregiver. the lady she has taken care of for over a year now has made a friend. my girlfriend got to meet the friend and it turns out she’s a millionaire. my girlfriend told she was a millionaire because my gf thought it was cool. i saw it as an opportunity to see if the millionaire was willing to give us a loan to start the business since i know it will be successful and we’ll be out of the poverty line, however, my girlfriend sees it as us begging and asking for money as if the millionaire owes us. my girlfriend thinks this is a handout but in reality it’s a loan that an average bank won’t give to anyone my age and that’s why i see it as an opportunity. since the conversation i haven’t stopped thinking about it because i hate seeing my mom working night shifts and i hate not being able to hang out with my family as much or my gf as much. i see this as it’s either we wait 10 years if not more to barely be over the poverty line or we can be over in as little as 2 months. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my girlfriend (20f) and i (20m) come from a very poor background. our parents moved to the u.s for a better life. my partner and i are both first generations. we often struggle to make payments because of our background, we’re either making a big purchase or helping out family. my girlfriend is a caregiver. the lady she has taken care of for over a year now has made a friend. my girlfriend got to meet the friend and it turns out she’s a millionaire. my girlfriend told she was a millionaire because my gf thought it was cool. i saw it as an opportunity to see if the millionaire was willing to give us a loan to start the business since i know it will be successful and we’ll be out of the poverty line, however, my girlfriend sees it as us begging and asking for money as if the millionaire owes us. my girlfriend thinks this is a handout but in reality it’s a loan that an average bank won’t give to anyone my age and that’s why i see it as an opportunity. since the conversation i haven’t stopped thinking about it because i hate seeing my mom working night shifts and i hate not being able to hang out with my family as much or my gf as much. i see this as it’s either we wait 10 years if not more to barely be over the poverty line or we can be over in as little as 2 months. aita? [/INST] yta. just because her 'friend' is a millionaire doesn't make it right to ask them for a financial loan to start a business. it's downright rude in fact. plus, never loan money to friends. </s>
AITA for not allowing my "disabled" neighbor to park in my driveway and getting her car towed, despite the previous owner allowing it?	i bought a house a few months ago and moved in last month. the previous owner was a friendly old man that could no longer live alone so he decided to sell and move in with his daughter. just to be clear i put disabled in quotation marks because the lady in question is just really really overweight and i am not sure if that counts as disabled. now apparantly he had been allowing use of his driveway to his "disabled" neighbor lady largely because street parking is extremely limited and what little street parking there is, is pretty much instantly occupied. what i am saying is unless you have a driveway you end up having to park a good 5 minute walk away and that's the best case scenario. obviously i was unaware of this so i was surprised to see a large suv parked in my driveway when i moved in. i ended up having to knock on several doors asking who's car it was because the movers could not stand still on the busy road too long. i figured out it was the neighbors car so after a good 10 minutes of knocking an extremely angry enormous lady opened the door. i told her to move the car and she immediatly started arguing that the neighbor said it was fine, i told her he moved out, i moved in and no it is not fine and to move it because the movers need to unload my stuff. she begrudgingly did, i ended up seeing her walking back half an hour later completely wet with sweat. now a few days later i went back to work and lo and behold, the suv is parked in my driveway again. i go over there again, spend 20 minutes knocking on the door before this lady opens the door, agaon, visibly angry. i tell her to move her car, my driveway is not public parking. she protests saying her ankles can't take walking the distance and claims i can easily walk, i tell her that while that might be true, it's my goddamn driveway and i want to park there myself. again she moves her car, again i spot her half an hour later drenched in sweat making her way home. well it happened again a week ago and this time she would not open her door, i got tired of it and had her suv towed. she of course came to my house to scream at me, i told her to get the hell of off my property. a few days later i had a small fence installed with a lock on it to make sure it did not happen again. i have since been getting dirty looks from her and one other neighbor and when i told my mom she told me i should be nicer to people. i do feel sort of bad too, she clearly struggles with the walk after all.	27,853	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j21f5l/aita_for_not_allowing_my_disabled_neighbor_to/	2020-09-29 15:28:42	nta. plain and simple. she should get a handicapped spot designated for her if it really is that much of an issue.	nta. you bought a house with a driveway. it's yours. if she's truly disabled, she can contact the city to have them designate a handicap parking spot. if she had handicap tags, she can use that. otherwise, she's trespassing.	nta: this is your house and your driveway. you asked her several times nicely but she ignored you. her situation is not your fault and not your problem to solve.	[deleted]	nta, but you should know that many disabilities are not visible. she could have any number of issues that make it difficult for her to move around, and you would have zero idea. in addition, even if her disability is just from being fat (which i doubt - usually it's a chicken/egg issue), if she's disabled, she's disabled - it doesn't matter why. you're making this a moral issue when it's not. for instance, if someone loses their legs in an accident, do you want to know how it happened before you decide that it's ok for them to be termed disabled? if they were a drunk driver who killed a family of 3, do they not get a disabled designation? but going back and reading again - it doesn't seem like she claimed to be disabled - that seems to be a label you are using? it's confusing. you can tell her though that she can call the city and tell them she needs disabled parking. they may be able to do something.	nta. this woman is delusional to do it after learning someone else bought the house and wants to use their own driveway. my god the audacity of some people is astounding.	nta. it's your driveway. you told her not to park there (which is absolutely understandable, regardless of her arrangement with the previous owner). she has no right to your driveway. it's sad that she is obviously struggling, but it's not your problem.	esh. she has no right to act entitled to your driveway, and should have politely discussed it with you and tried to figure out a solution. however, you have not seen her medical chart and have no idea that her only health problem is her weight, regardless of what neighbors may have gossiped or what you think you can tell from looking at her. tons of people have invisible illnesses, and being obese does not cancel out those illnesses. in fact, many illnesses often lead to weight gain, like long-term steroid treatment. so she is acting rudely, and you are making assumptions and being ableist. you both suck.	nta. fuck that, fuck her. it’s your driveway. she needa go to the city and get a handicap parking spot sign for the street right in front of her house if it’s really that bad for her. although that won’t help if she’s just fat and not actually deemed handicapped and doesn’t have a handicap placard. but her weight and vehicle are not your problem. she needs to figure it out. also good for you for getting her car towed after you repeatedly told her she can’t park on your property. apparently that’s the only way she was gonna learn. and as for your mom saying be nicer. well, your neighbor wasn’t very nice to you and has zero respect for you, your property, or your wishes. so do you my guy.	nta as you're correct it is your driveway whether she can walk or not. what i would say is, please don't say things like 'shes just really really fat' because although that's all you see, she could also have other ailments that mean she's disabled. please remember that disabilities are not always visible. is it likely she has weight related disabilities? yes! totally. it is also possible she is overweight due to disabilities (it can go both ways, i was on steroids at 20 (under neurology) and they caused me to gain weight despite going to the gym 5 times a week and eating properly. i was taken off those steroids and i eventually lost the weight but i know people who are on steroids for life and they are a difficult medication to work with.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.013095	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i bought a house a few months ago and moved in last month. the previous owner was a friendly old man that could no longer live alone so he decided to sell and move in with his daughter. just to be clear i put disabled in quotation marks because the lady in question is just really really overweight and i am not sure if that counts as disabled. now apparantly he had been allowing use of his driveway to his "disabled" neighbor lady largely because street parking is extremely limited and what little street parking there is, is pretty much instantly occupied. what i am saying is unless you have a driveway you end up having to park a good 5 minute walk away and that's the best case scenario. obviously i was unaware of this so i was surprised to see a large suv parked in my driveway when i moved in. i ended up having to knock on several doors asking who's car it was because the movers could not stand still on the busy road too long. i figured out it was the neighbors car so after a good 10 minutes of knocking an extremely angry enormous lady opened the door. i told her to move the car and she immediatly started arguing that the neighbor said it was fine, i told her he moved out, i moved in and no it is not fine and to move it because the movers need to unload my stuff. she begrudgingly did, i ended up seeing her walking back half an hour later completely wet with sweat. now a few days later i went back to work and lo and behold, the suv is parked in my driveway again. i go over there again, spend 20 minutes knocking on the door before this lady opens the door, agaon, visibly angry. i tell her to move her car, my driveway is not public parking. she protests saying her ankles can't take walking the distance and claims i can easily walk, i tell her that while that might be true, it's my goddamn driveway and i want to park there myself. again she moves her car, again i spot her half an hour later drenched in sweat making her way home. well it happened again a week ago and this time she would not open her door, i got tired of it and had her suv towed. she of course came to my house to scream at me, i told her to get the hell of off my property. a few days later i had a small fence installed with a lock on it to make sure it did not happen again. i have since been getting dirty looks from her and one other neighbor and when i told my mom she told me i should be nicer to people. i do feel sort of bad too, she clearly struggles with the walk after all.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i bought a house a few months ago and moved in last month. the previous owner was a friendly old man that could no longer live alone so he decided to sell and move in with his daughter. just to be clear i put disabled in quotation marks because the lady in question is just really really overweight and i am not sure if that counts as disabled. now apparantly he had been allowing use of his driveway to his "disabled" neighbor lady largely because street parking is extremely limited and what little street parking there is, is pretty much instantly occupied. what i am saying is unless you have a driveway you end up having to park a good 5 minute walk away and that's the best case scenario. obviously i was unaware of this so i was surprised to see a large suv parked in my driveway when i moved in. i ended up having to knock on several doors asking who's car it was because the movers could not stand still on the busy road too long. i figured out it was the neighbors car so after a good 10 minutes of knocking an extremely angry enormous lady opened the door. i told her to move the car and she immediatly started arguing that the neighbor said it was fine, i told her he moved out, i moved in and no it is not fine and to move it because the movers need to unload my stuff. she begrudgingly did, i ended up seeing her walking back half an hour later completely wet with sweat. now a few days later i went back to work and lo and behold, the suv is parked in my driveway again. i go over there again, spend 20 minutes knocking on the door before this lady opens the door, agaon, visibly angry. i tell her to move her car, my driveway is not public parking. she protests saying her ankles can't take walking the distance and claims i can easily walk, i tell her that while that might be true, it's my goddamn driveway and i want to park there myself. again she moves her car, again i spot her half an hour later drenched in sweat making her way home. well it happened again a week ago and this time she would not open her door, i got tired of it and had her suv towed. she of course came to my house to scream at me, i told her to get the hell of off my property. a few days later i had a small fence installed with a lock on it to make sure it did not happen again. i have since been getting dirty looks from her and one other neighbor and when i told my mom she told me i should be nicer to people. i do feel sort of bad too, she clearly struggles with the walk after all. [/INST] nta. plain and simple. she should get a handicapped spot designated for her if it really is that much of an issue. </s>
AITA for the punishment I gave my daughter?	my husband (43m) and i (40f) have 3 kids, bea 13f, paul 10m and zoe 8f. my husband grew up very privileged and has also done very well for himself and takes very good care of me and the kids. we have never wanted for anything and have been able to afford to have help where we need it. i’m very appreciative of everything my husband has done for us and have always made sure to let my kids know that we are very lucky and very spoiled. i’ve tried to always instill in them that we should always take care of people where we can and always pay people properly for services they provide for us. i’ve always had my kids pack up clothes or things they’ve outgrown and we donate them to those that need them more. i thought i was doing a good thing and teaching them to have empathy and understanding of just how lucky we are. well i guess i failed as a mother, i came home early a few days ago and walked into the house to hear my eldest screaming at our nanny. she was screaming that “youre a maid, that’s what we pay you for, to clean up after our family, do your job” i’ve never heard my children speak like this to anybody and i saw red. i was calm in front of my daughter and sent her to her room, took away her electronics and told her i will speak to her when he dad comes home. our nanny was in tears, so i sat with her and got her side of the story and helped her calm down. all she did was ask our daughter to put her dirty clothes in her hamper so she could start laundry. this woman has helped me through pp with all my kids, she’s literally been a rock for me and our family for 13 years. i love her and see her as family and i’m still upset over how she was treated. i gave her a couple of paid days off to decompress and let her go home. my husband and i decided that as far as punishment goes for our daughter, we will keep her electronics, she will spend her weekends volunteering at the youth center for under privileged kids, she must write a full apology letter to our nanny and she must take care of herself/her chores. my husband and i sat down with her and explained all of this to her, i also told her that she doesn’t pay anybody for anything, she has no money of her own aside from what she has saved from birthdays/allowance and that having people in our home to help us is a privilege, not a right. until she can understand this, i expect her to take full care of herself and not accept any help from the people her father pays to give us an easier life. meaning, she will do her own laundry, keep her room clean and take full care of her puppy. none of this is up for debate and her father and i will talk in 4 weeks to see if we think she understands our point then. of course she went running to my mother in law. the whole of my husbands family say we are completely out of order and ruining our daughter. my family say the opposite. have i really gone to far?	19,365	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rs96kt/aita_for_the_punishment_i_gave_my_daughter/	2021-12-30 18:56:47	nta. you did exactly right.	nta. and actually, that is perfect parenting if you ask me. you didn't scream or escalate the situation, and you had a conversation with everyone involved before making your decision. i think your daughter can definitely learn from this, and should. she overstepped in a tremendously cruel way, and now she gets to deal with the consequences of that. well done, op, i think you did a great job.	hell no!! first you tell the other family to stay out of it!! the next thing you do is add on another punishment for running to the other family!! here is the big problem with that. she sees nothing wrong with what she did. this is huge!! the fact is that she would be contrite and ashamed if she knew she had misbehave. the letter of apology will mean nothing if she isn't sincere. the other thing is will she be nasty to your housekeeper when you aren't around? i would bet the lady will not tell you. the other thing is you need to have another heart to heart with the housekeeper and ask her if this has happened before with the daughter getting out of line. i am betting it has. she just never told you. please don't forget to dish out another punishment for her because her intent is for the relatives to gang up on you. do not second guess yourselves. my big worry is your daughter is not remorseful and see nothing wrong with her treating people she sees as beneath her. this is very serious.	of course you guys are nta. your daughter is acting like an entitled, rude brat and it needs to be stopped. the punishment seems to fit the crime, and i think it's good both of you clarified that you'll reconsider in a couple of weeks.	nta a+ for outstanding parenting. find out where she got the ugly she spewed though.	nta. i’d extend the punishment for tattling on you to your mil. this is continued disrespect.	nta. doing your own chores is something they should be taught regardless of having help. that's a good thing to instill. but i would be careful she isnt equating charity work to a punishment rather than being taught something. maybe just stick to having her do chores at the house? she sounds very entitled. and using people less fortunate to teach a lesson perpetuates that. stop doing that. it's like you're saying "you could be one of these people" like they're a disease or something. you didn't fail as a mother. there are other influences at work here as well. good luck. tell hubbys family to stay out of it	nta. you would have been ta if you had let her get away with this. your punishment is appropriate and hopefully will teach her some appreciation for what she has. nip this behavior in the bud now, op. it sounds like you are being a great parent and a good person, and your husband's family should shut up.	nta: teaching your kids the meaning of privilege is crucial. what your child said to the nanny was ugly and frightening, and you’re 100% right to disrupt that noise. i’m not sure what your in-laws mean by “ruining” your daughter—they’re afraid that understanding privilege and the meaning of work will make her aware of… what? stay the course—you’re doing a great job.	nta. she desperately needs a reality check and it's a good thing you found out about this now instead of when she's like 18 and can run to mil's house. she's young enough you'll have time to fix this.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (43m) and i (40f) have 3 kids, bea 13f, paul 10m and zoe 8f. my husband grew up very privileged and has also done very well for himself and takes very good care of me and the kids. we have never wanted for anything and have been able to afford to have help where we need it. i’m very appreciative of everything my husband has done for us and have always made sure to let my kids know that we are very lucky and very spoiled. i’ve tried to always instill in them that we should always take care of people where we can and always pay people properly for services they provide for us. i’ve always had my kids pack up clothes or things they’ve outgrown and we donate them to those that need them more. i thought i was doing a good thing and teaching them to have empathy and understanding of just how lucky we are. well i guess i failed as a mother, i came home early a few days ago and walked into the house to hear my eldest screaming at our nanny. she was screaming that “youre a maid, that’s what we pay you for, to clean up after our family, do your job” i’ve never heard my children speak like this to anybody and i saw red. i was calm in front of my daughter and sent her to her room, took away her electronics and told her i will speak to her when he dad comes home. our nanny was in tears, so i sat with her and got her side of the story and helped her calm down. all she did was ask our daughter to put her dirty clothes in her hamper so she could start laundry. this woman has helped me through pp with all my kids, she’s literally been a rock for me and our family for 13 years. i love her and see her as family and i’m still upset over how she was treated. i gave her a couple of paid days off to decompress and let her go home. my husband and i decided that as far as punishment goes for our daughter, we will keep her electronics, she will spend her weekends volunteering at the youth center for under privileged kids, she must write a full apology letter to our nanny and she must take care of herself/her chores. my husband and i sat down with her and explained all of this to her, i also told her that she doesn’t pay anybody for anything, she has no money of her own aside from what she has saved from birthdays/allowance and that having people in our home to help us is a privilege, not a right. until she can understand this, i expect her to take full care of herself and not accept any help from the people her father pays to give us an easier life. meaning, she will do her own laundry, keep her room clean and take full care of her puppy. none of this is up for debate and her father and i will talk in 4 weeks to see if we think she understands our point then. of course she went running to my mother in law. the whole of my husbands family say we are completely out of order and ruining our daughter. my family say the opposite. have i really gone to far?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband (43m) and i (40f) have 3 kids, bea 13f, paul 10m and zoe 8f. my husband grew up very privileged and has also done very well for himself and takes very good care of me and the kids. we have never wanted for anything and have been able to afford to have help where we need it. i’m very appreciative of everything my husband has done for us and have always made sure to let my kids know that we are very lucky and very spoiled. i’ve tried to always instill in them that we should always take care of people where we can and always pay people properly for services they provide for us. i’ve always had my kids pack up clothes or things they’ve outgrown and we donate them to those that need them more. i thought i was doing a good thing and teaching them to have empathy and understanding of just how lucky we are. well i guess i failed as a mother, i came home early a few days ago and walked into the house to hear my eldest screaming at our nanny. she was screaming that “youre a maid, that’s what we pay you for, to clean up after our family, do your job” i’ve never heard my children speak like this to anybody and i saw red. i was calm in front of my daughter and sent her to her room, took away her electronics and told her i will speak to her when he dad comes home. our nanny was in tears, so i sat with her and got her side of the story and helped her calm down. all she did was ask our daughter to put her dirty clothes in her hamper so she could start laundry. this woman has helped me through pp with all my kids, she’s literally been a rock for me and our family for 13 years. i love her and see her as family and i’m still upset over how she was treated. i gave her a couple of paid days off to decompress and let her go home. my husband and i decided that as far as punishment goes for our daughter, we will keep her electronics, she will spend her weekends volunteering at the youth center for under privileged kids, she must write a full apology letter to our nanny and she must take care of herself/her chores. my husband and i sat down with her and explained all of this to her, i also told her that she doesn’t pay anybody for anything, she has no money of her own aside from what she has saved from birthdays/allowance and that having people in our home to help us is a privilege, not a right. until she can understand this, i expect her to take full care of herself and not accept any help from the people her father pays to give us an easier life. meaning, she will do her own laundry, keep her room clean and take full care of her puppy. none of this is up for debate and her father and i will talk in 4 weeks to see if we think she understands our point then. of course she went running to my mother in law. the whole of my husbands family say we are completely out of order and ruining our daughter. my family say the opposite. have i really gone to far? [/INST] nta. you did exactly right. </s>
AITA for refusing to babysit my sister's kids any further after her son lied to her about me?	my sister is a single mother with 2 children. an 11, and 7 year old. the 7 year old is a boy while the other 1 is a girl. she works a lot, and doesn't have a lot of money to afford babysitting, so i started watching her kids for her for free. there was an incident one day where the 7 year old had gotten mad at me because i wouldn't let him jump on the couch. i explained to him he could get hurt, and he threw a tantrum. which was normal, its what young kids do. well around the time my sister gets home he starts suddenly bawling his eyes out and running towards her. i'm confused, as he was just fine a second ago but followed behind him to greet her. he immediately starts on a rant about how i had a man in the house, and how neither him or his sister had eaten at all that day. my sister was rightfully pissed, and started asking questions. i shook my head, said he was lying, and that she had cameras so we should probably sit down and watch them. she said no, and that i needed to go before she called the police. so i left. a few hours later she calls me and apologizes, saying she watched the footage and saw no man enter the house at all, and that she had seen that her son had refused to eat the dinner i made them. she asked when could i come by next, as she hoped i understood the misunderstanding, but i said i would no longer be babysitting for her. she said that he's just 7, and that kids lie all the time but i still refused. we went back and forth over the phone insulting each other, and that was that. our mother thinks i'm being ridiculous for being mad at a kid, but it's more than that. i could've gotten in trouble if the police had shown up and he was saying what he said. aita?	22,273	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qayn09/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_sisters_kids_any/	2021-10-18 23:22:06	nta. you told her to check the cameras. she refused and threatened you with the police. she doesnt get to back track now and pretend everything is fine.	nta most seven year olds wouldn’t lie to that severity. his mother is allowing him to manipulate her and even threatened you with the police. she has already shown she will take his word over yours, so there is no reason you should watch him again. nta	so i started reading this and immediately assumed you were being too sensitive for this 7-year-old child lying. and then i got to this: >she said no, and that i needed to go before she called the police. at that point, it was a clear nta. but your title is misleading. you're not refusing to babysit because her son lied. you're refusing to babysit because she didn't give you the benefit of the doubt when there was a clear-cut way of proving your innocence. but more importantly, why would she want somebody to babysit for her that she thinks would not feed her children all day? it's not her son's behavior that's the issue here. it's hers. (i mean there's something else going on for a 7-year-old to make up that big of a story. but also he seems to know that he can make up a story and his mother's going to default to believing him. that's a little scary.) forgive the 7-year-old but don't forgive the adult, your sister.	nta. she threatened to call the police on you. after that i’d refuse too because i wouldn’t trust her from there on out to be reasonable.	nta. i'm going to be blunt. that kid needs to stop lying like that. because either he's going to get someone in trouble who's going to sue his family into bankruptcy or he'll suffer the "crying wolf" result where nobody believe him because he lied too damn much until finally something does happen. she needs to fix her kid and realize she will have zero people willing to look after her kids especially with her attitude. also if she cons somebody else into babysitting, give them a heads up.	nta. i am very disturbed at the lie your nephew told. sure, kids lie, but they lie about taking a soda before dinner or touching their sibling's valued toy and maybe breaking it. they don't make up scenarios where you had a man in the house and never fed them. that was quite the lie for a 7-year-old child to tell and would freak me out and worry me for his future. i would also be upset that my sister told me to leave instead of trusting that i was telling the truth. why didn't she ask the 11-year old what was true? she is going to have a major problem with that child in the future. given the type of lie he told and the fact that she chose to believe him instead of me or even her daughter would make me not want to be around him either.	>"...she said that he's just 7, and that kids lie all the time..." exactly and you know how they learn not to? by having consequences. this should be a learning experience for him: how he no longer get's to hang out with aunt/uncle because of this and will have to go to a day care facility. nta - if there hadn't been cameras would she have believed you? would the cops have been called? do you realize how bad that could have been.	nta. i'm shocked that your sister would immediately believe a child over her adult sister. don't get me wrong, i understand that situations like the kid made up actually do happen. but... there were cameras and the sister immediately becomes accusatory? that alone would be enough for me to nope on out of future childcare. it's disrespectful, and it's hurtful.	nta. her 7 year old has already demonstrated that he is willing to lie and try to get you in trouble when he doesn't get his way. that is very troubling. what would have happened if there were no cameras there to prove he was lying. i don't care that he is 7 i would not feel comfortable being alone with him ever again. he isn't worth you having to prove he is lying to the police.	nta your nephew is just a kid but that was a serious and malicious manipulation tactic that worked. he got what he wanted was you in trouble and probably a treat from his mother. i do not blame you whatsoever, next time he might make an even wilder accusation and because he knows about the cameras now, he might do it when away from them. i would tell your sister to take him to a child psychologist because he might have a mental disorder. i know i sound dramatic but he told a lie that was not only plausible because you could’ve had someone other or not fed them and that shows a worrying sign of his ability to lie at such a young age	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister is a single mother with 2 children. an 11, and 7 year old. the 7 year old is a boy while the other 1 is a girl. she works a lot, and doesn't have a lot of money to afford babysitting, so i started watching her kids for her for free. there was an incident one day where the 7 year old had gotten mad at me because i wouldn't let him jump on the couch. i explained to him he could get hurt, and he threw a tantrum. which was normal, its what young kids do. well around the time my sister gets home he starts suddenly bawling his eyes out and running towards her. i'm confused, as he was just fine a second ago but followed behind him to greet her. he immediately starts on a rant about how i had a man in the house, and how neither him or his sister had eaten at all that day. my sister was rightfully pissed, and started asking questions. i shook my head, said he was lying, and that she had cameras so we should probably sit down and watch them. she said no, and that i needed to go before she called the police. so i left. a few hours later she calls me and apologizes, saying she watched the footage and saw no man enter the house at all, and that she had seen that her son had refused to eat the dinner i made them. she asked when could i come by next, as she hoped i understood the misunderstanding, but i said i would no longer be babysitting for her. she said that he's just 7, and that kids lie all the time but i still refused. we went back and forth over the phone insulting each other, and that was that. our mother thinks i'm being ridiculous for being mad at a kid, but it's more than that. i could've gotten in trouble if the police had shown up and he was saying what he said. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my sister is a single mother with 2 children. an 11, and 7 year old. the 7 year old is a boy while the other 1 is a girl. she works a lot, and doesn't have a lot of money to afford babysitting, so i started watching her kids for her for free. there was an incident one day where the 7 year old had gotten mad at me because i wouldn't let him jump on the couch. i explained to him he could get hurt, and he threw a tantrum. which was normal, its what young kids do. well around the time my sister gets home he starts suddenly bawling his eyes out and running towards her. i'm confused, as he was just fine a second ago but followed behind him to greet her. he immediately starts on a rant about how i had a man in the house, and how neither him or his sister had eaten at all that day. my sister was rightfully pissed, and started asking questions. i shook my head, said he was lying, and that she had cameras so we should probably sit down and watch them. she said no, and that i needed to go before she called the police. so i left. a few hours later she calls me and apologizes, saying she watched the footage and saw no man enter the house at all, and that she had seen that her son had refused to eat the dinner i made them. she asked when could i come by next, as she hoped i understood the misunderstanding, but i said i would no longer be babysitting for her. she said that he's just 7, and that kids lie all the time but i still refused. we went back and forth over the phone insulting each other, and that was that. our mother thinks i'm being ridiculous for being mad at a kid, but it's more than that. i could've gotten in trouble if the police had shown up and he was saying what he said. aita? [/INST] nta. you told her to check the cameras. she refused and threatened you with the police. she doesnt get to back track now and pretend everything is fine. </s>
AITA for grounding my son after he said he got into a argument with my boyfriend over something from 10 years ago?	my oldest son and boyfriend (h) had a bad relationship ever since h had accidentally burned down our house. he put in a pizza while me, my 2 sons and daughter went out to the mall and h had forgot about it and left to go back to his apartment, when we got back home our kitchen was on fire and by the time the firetrucks got here the whole downstairs was on fire. our house was pretty much destroyed and our husky passed away in the fire when i told my boyfriend about it he remembered his pizza, he apologized and i forgave him but my son never did (my other 2 were too young to remember). my cousin took said she could watch my kids until we got a new house and i stayed with h at his house (it was too small to hold all of us). a lot of our stuff was damaged but not enough to be thrown away, so we got a new house 2 years later and my son still hasn't forgiven h. it only got worse when he got older he would never say hello to h when he came over and would always avoid him, like one time when h came over and i cooked dinner my son ate upstairs instead of downstairs with the family. today my son was on a call with his friends playing video games and my son lost and said "what the hell" so h went upstairs to his room to tell him "look stop all that cursing your not grown" and my son pretty much ignored him until h and said "why are you ignoring me answer me" and my son yelled at him to get out his room. after that they got into a loud argument, i ran upstairs to tell them to stop and my son yelled out "have you not gotten it yet? i don't like you, you burned down our house and want to act like your my dad? leave me alone!"i told h i'll handle this and told my son that he is acting like a child and that i understand that he was upset years ago but now you need to let it go its been 10 years and that h has apologized and that he needs to forgive him. he said "i don't care, he is a stupid person who you took back after he burned down our old home with all our stuff and our dog i'm not forgiving him. i don't even know why you took this patchy bearded idiot back anyways, last week he made fries and left the oven on for a hour after he was done and it didn't get turned off until i came downstairs and seen it was on he's a irresponsible idiot." i told him he was grounded for disrespecting him and that he needs to get over it.i called my friend y to tell her what happened and she said "honestly he's kinda has a right to be mad he lost his childhood home when he was 5 and his dog" so now i fell like i could have handled it better so reddit aita? edit i read a lot of the comments that called me an asshole and i realized that i was wrong, i will unground my son and break up with h.	11,905	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwp7vb/aita_for_grounding_my_son_after_he_said_he_got/	2020-06-04 20:14:20	yta. your son has every right to not like your boyfriend, sorry. i know it happened 10 years ago, but it killed his dog and took away his childhood for 2 years. on top of that, you basically left them for 2 years and lived with the guy who took away their home. considering your boyfriend left fries in the oven again, i'd be nicer to my kid and ask my so to smarten up.	yta - even giving your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt with the fire, you then had your children move in with a cousin while you lived elsewhere?? your kids lost their house, their security, all their stuff, their dog, and you went and stayed with your boyfriend. huge yta there. 2nd yta was forgiving the boyfriend for something that he clearly does regularly that could lead to another fire and possibly killing you and/or one or more of your children. 3rd yta is letting him discipline your son for anything. it's made worse that he's yelling at your son for saying the word "hell." if my math is correct, your son is 15 years old. there is no reason to reprimand a 15 year old for saying "hell." you will not have a relationship with your son when he's an adult and it's your fault.	yta. this man burned down your home and killed the boys dog and you have the audacity to let him try and discipline your child? and he’s still being neglectful and causing more fire hazards? if you don’t get rid of this man your son will never forgive you and your ass will be in the shittiest nursing home he can find	yta jesus the man you're dating is dangerous and your children were traumatized did you get them therapy????	yta so this guy carelessly left the oven on(apparently still does that) thereby burning down your house and killing the family dog, you left your kids with your cousin for some amount of time(possibly 2 years?) and you don’t understand why your kid doesn’t like him? have you ever taken your kid to therapy? because that shit is traumatizing, house gone, dog gone, mom essentially gone.	yta your boyfriend killed his dog	yta. this kid's world was completely uprooted by your boyfriend's negligence. he lost his dog, his house, and his mom (i don't quite get why you couldn't have lived with the kids at your cousin's, but i realize that's not the point of the post). now, he sees h continue to be careless about the very thing that caused all the problems--leaving the oven on. he probably has nightmares or trauma about the house catching on fire again, this time with him in it. it's true that many kids pull the "you're not my dad" card on their parents' significant others just because they don't want to recognize their authority; here, your son just has a really good reason to do it. and if your friend y is agreeing with him, maybe you should revisit your relationship with h.	yta first, if the boyfriend is still leaving the stove on he hasn't really learned his lesson has he. that issue isn't in the past... it's still going on. more importantly, though is that you aren't hearing your son when he says he doesn't consider this person to be a father. you kind of just brush over that part and focus on something that happened 10 years ago that started the dislike, but skip over everything that has happened since and your son's feelings.	[removed]	info. i don't understand why a person could put a pizza in the oven, in someone else's home and leave? even frozen pizzas take 30 mins at the most, did you put it in before you left to be ready when you got home? i don't understand how this could be accidental unless he was intoxicated or otherwise impaired. he didn't fall asleep, he left. you have to be a troll, or you are changing the narrative so you don't have to be the bad guy (you are either way). yta	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my oldest son and boyfriend (h) had a bad relationship ever since h had accidentally burned down our house. he put in a pizza while me, my 2 sons and daughter went out to the mall and h had forgot about it and left to go back to his apartment, when we got back home our kitchen was on fire and by the time the firetrucks got here the whole downstairs was on fire. our house was pretty much destroyed and our husky passed away in the fire when i told my boyfriend about it he remembered his pizza, he apologized and i forgave him but my son never did (my other 2 were too young to remember). my cousin took said she could watch my kids until we got a new house and i stayed with h at his house (it was too small to hold all of us). a lot of our stuff was damaged but not enough to be thrown away, so we got a new house 2 years later and my son still hasn't forgiven h. it only got worse when he got older he would never say hello to h when he came over and would always avoid him, like one time when h came over and i cooked dinner my son ate upstairs instead of downstairs with the family. today my son was on a call with his friends playing video games and my son lost and said "what the hell" so h went upstairs to his room to tell him "look stop all that cursing your not grown" and my son pretty much ignored him until h and said "why are you ignoring me answer me" and my son yelled at him to get out his room. after that they got into a loud argument, i ran upstairs to tell them to stop and my son yelled out "have you not gotten it yet? i don't like you, you burned down our house and want to act like your my dad? leave me alone!"i told h i'll handle this and told my son that he is acting like a child and that i understand that he was upset years ago but now you need to let it go its been 10 years and that h has apologized and that he needs to forgive him. he said "i don't care, he is a stupid person who you took back after he burned down our old home with all our stuff and our dog i'm not forgiving him. i don't even know why you took this patchy bearded idiot back anyways, last week he made fries and left the oven on for a hour after he was done and it didn't get turned off until i came downstairs and seen it was on he's a irresponsible idiot." i told him he was grounded for disrespecting him and that he needs to get over it.i called my friend y to tell her what happened and she said "honestly he's kinda has a right to be mad he lost his childhood home when he was 5 and his dog" so now i fell like i could have handled it better so reddit aita? edit i read a lot of the comments that called me an asshole and i realized that i was wrong, i will unground my son and break up with h.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my oldest son and boyfriend (h) had a bad relationship ever since h had accidentally burned down our house. he put in a pizza while me, my 2 sons and daughter went out to the mall and h had forgot about it and left to go back to his apartment, when we got back home our kitchen was on fire and by the time the firetrucks got here the whole downstairs was on fire. our house was pretty much destroyed and our husky passed away in the fire when i told my boyfriend about it he remembered his pizza, he apologized and i forgave him but my son never did (my other 2 were too young to remember). my cousin took said she could watch my kids until we got a new house and i stayed with h at his house (it was too small to hold all of us). a lot of our stuff was damaged but not enough to be thrown away, so we got a new house 2 years later and my son still hasn't forgiven h. it only got worse when he got older he would never say hello to h when he came over and would always avoid him, like one time when h came over and i cooked dinner my son ate upstairs instead of downstairs with the family. today my son was on a call with his friends playing video games and my son lost and said "what the hell" so h went upstairs to his room to tell him "look stop all that cursing your not grown" and my son pretty much ignored him until h and said "why are you ignoring me answer me" and my son yelled at him to get out his room. after that they got into a loud argument, i ran upstairs to tell them to stop and my son yelled out "have you not gotten it yet? i don't like you, you burned down our house and want to act like your my dad? leave me alone!"i told h i'll handle this and told my son that he is acting like a child and that i understand that he was upset years ago but now you need to let it go its been 10 years and that h has apologized and that he needs to forgive him. he said "i don't care, he is a stupid person who you took back after he burned down our old home with all our stuff and our dog i'm not forgiving him. i don't even know why you took this patchy bearded idiot back anyways, last week he made fries and left the oven on for a hour after he was done and it didn't get turned off until i came downstairs and seen it was on he's a irresponsible idiot." i told him he was grounded for disrespecting him and that he needs to get over it.i called my friend y to tell her what happened and she said "honestly he's kinda has a right to be mad he lost his childhood home when he was 5 and his dog" so now i fell like i could have handled it better so reddit aita? edit i read a lot of the comments that called me an asshole and i realized that i was wrong, i will unground my son and break up with h. [/INST] yta. your son has every right to not like your boyfriend, sorry. i know it happened 10 years ago, but it killed his dog and took away his childhood for 2 years. on top of that, you basically left them for 2 years and lived with the guy who took away their home. considering your boyfriend left fries in the oven again, i'd be nicer to my kid and ask my so to smarten up. </s>
AITA for evicting a tenant because they got pregnant?	yes, i know the title sounds awful, but please do hear me out before making a judgement. i will accept whatever judgement i’m given. i (30m) purchased a 3 bedroom condo in toronto, canada 5 years ago when i was in my second year of medical residency. soon after the purchase, i rented one of the rooms to my roommate (f29) to offset the costs of the mortgage. i live in one room, she lives in the second, and the third is my study/office. she has been a great roommate from the beginning. we aren’t necessarily friends (as in we don’t do things together for fun), but we get along exceptionally well. the entire roommate/tenant relationship has gone swimmingly up until recently. a couple of weeks ago, my roommate broke the news to me that she is pregnant. the father was a fling of hers, who does not want anything to do with the child. my roommate has decided she wants to keep the child anyways, and raise it on her own. to me that seems like a huge challenge, and i admire her for it. the issue is, while i don’t necessarily dislike children, i have no desire to live with a baby. while the condo is a fair size, i will most definitely be woken up by the babies crying at night. my condo is also where i like to come home to and relax, like a haven after a long work day, and the idea of coming home to a baby honestly seems absolutely chaotic. especially since this isn’t my own child (ie one that my girlfriend and i decided to have/was mentally prepared for). as difficult as it was for me to do this, i told my her essentially what i’ve written here, and that it would be best if she finds somewhere else to live. i am not rushing her out or anything like that, i have given her 6 month’s notice, since any later than that will come too close to the birth. she was honestly quite taken aback by this, and thought that i was being cruel. her primary concern is that rent has gone up substantially in this city since she signed on with me (i haven’t increased her rent since she moved in, so she’s essentially paying 2015 rent). she works as a waitress, and will likely need to find a lesser apartment to keep within the same budget. a couple of other considerations are that she was out of work while restaurants were closed, but i did waive her rent for that period. all of the furniture is also mine (aside from her bedroom), so she would need to figure something out on that front as well, aside from all of the child expenses. i understand her position, and i feel horrible about the situation, but i honestly can’t do it. aita for this?	23,348	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ikg117/aita_for_evicting_a_tenant_because_they_got/	2020-09-01 07:37:54	nta it's your home. you are allowed to live with who you want to. she's an adult. she has six months to figure out a new living arrangement.	nah. neither one is ah. op leased her room to a single person as originally intended. and now the tenant is going to bring in another human being, who will cry incessantly and require a lot of attention. it is a tough situation but op didn't sign for to be a backup momma.	nah. it will always seem counterintuitive to not call someone t a for 'evicting someone when they're pregnant'. however, you're not exactly throwing her out on the street to give birth in the gutter. you've been more than generous throughout her tenure by the sounds of it and you've given her plenty of warning to move out. her circumstances are changing through her own choices and that will impact negatively on you. she may have hoped you'd be ok with it, but she should never have assumed.	nta. there is no money or friendship in the world that would make me live with another baby. i've had two, and only stayed with them because they were mine. they suck.	nah. it’s your property and you can do with it as you like - within reason. you are living in the same building and don’t want to be disturbed by a newborn. six months is a huge period of time to find a new place to live.	nah this is an unfortunate situation for all but your reasons are valid and so are her worries. you mention you waived her rent when restaurants were closed and in a comment said that you can afford the place without a tenant. could you perhaps decrease the rent for the final six months to give her some extra opportunity to save? this is obviously not necessary to do, but might be something nice to do to help her out of it doesn't put you out too much?	if she's not super attached to her current employer, rent is way cheaper in hamilton. (i know because i live in hamilton but grew up in the gta). there are tons of restaurants downtown, we have a great food scene so i'm sure she could get a job here fairly easily. and her rent is more likely to match the value of the space she's living in than it would in toronto. i live downtown just a 5 min walk from the go station and it actually takes me less time to get to union from hamilton than it did from my parents place in r. hill. i hope she's able to find a good place soon! if hamilton is something that might work for her, message me and i don't mind helping her look for a place here!	i really dont understand people. i'm pregnant. my baby daddy isn't around. i dont have a job. i dont have savings. but i'll have this kid anyway cuz babies! /s nt	nta 6 months is generous	nah. it's your home, and you have the right, morally and legally, to decide whether or not you want to live with a baby. at the same time, she is not ta for deciding to have a baby. at worst, it was naive of her to take it for granted that she would be able to bring a baby into the household.	NTA	NAH	NAH	NTA	NAH	NAH	null	null	NTA	NAH	0.023639	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yes, i know the title sounds awful, but please do hear me out before making a judgement. i will accept whatever judgement i’m given. i (30m) purchased a 3 bedroom condo in toronto, canada 5 years ago when i was in my second year of medical residency. soon after the purchase, i rented one of the rooms to my roommate (f29) to offset the costs of the mortgage. i live in one room, she lives in the second, and the third is my study/office. she has been a great roommate from the beginning. we aren’t necessarily friends (as in we don’t do things together for fun), but we get along exceptionally well. the entire roommate/tenant relationship has gone swimmingly up until recently. a couple of weeks ago, my roommate broke the news to me that she is pregnant. the father was a fling of hers, who does not want anything to do with the child. my roommate has decided she wants to keep the child anyways, and raise it on her own. to me that seems like a huge challenge, and i admire her for it. the issue is, while i don’t necessarily dislike children, i have no desire to live with a baby. while the condo is a fair size, i will most definitely be woken up by the babies crying at night. my condo is also where i like to come home to and relax, like a haven after a long work day, and the idea of coming home to a baby honestly seems absolutely chaotic. especially since this isn’t my own child (ie one that my girlfriend and i decided to have/was mentally prepared for). as difficult as it was for me to do this, i told my her essentially what i’ve written here, and that it would be best if she finds somewhere else to live. i am not rushing her out or anything like that, i have given her 6 month’s notice, since any later than that will come too close to the birth. she was honestly quite taken aback by this, and thought that i was being cruel. her primary concern is that rent has gone up substantially in this city since she signed on with me (i haven’t increased her rent since she moved in, so she’s essentially paying 2015 rent). she works as a waitress, and will likely need to find a lesser apartment to keep within the same budget. a couple of other considerations are that she was out of work while restaurants were closed, but i did waive her rent for that period. all of the furniture is also mine (aside from her bedroom), so she would need to figure something out on that front as well, aside from all of the child expenses. i understand her position, and i feel horrible about the situation, but i honestly can’t do it. aita for this?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> yes, i know the title sounds awful, but please do hear me out before making a judgement. i will accept whatever judgement i’m given. i (30m) purchased a 3 bedroom condo in toronto, canada 5 years ago when i was in my second year of medical residency. soon after the purchase, i rented one of the rooms to my roommate (f29) to offset the costs of the mortgage. i live in one room, she lives in the second, and the third is my study/office. she has been a great roommate from the beginning. we aren’t necessarily friends (as in we don’t do things together for fun), but we get along exceptionally well. the entire roommate/tenant relationship has gone swimmingly up until recently. a couple of weeks ago, my roommate broke the news to me that she is pregnant. the father was a fling of hers, who does not want anything to do with the child. my roommate has decided she wants to keep the child anyways, and raise it on her own. to me that seems like a huge challenge, and i admire her for it. the issue is, while i don’t necessarily dislike children, i have no desire to live with a baby. while the condo is a fair size, i will most definitely be woken up by the babies crying at night. my condo is also where i like to come home to and relax, like a haven after a long work day, and the idea of coming home to a baby honestly seems absolutely chaotic. especially since this isn’t my own child (ie one that my girlfriend and i decided to have/was mentally prepared for). as difficult as it was for me to do this, i told my her essentially what i’ve written here, and that it would be best if she finds somewhere else to live. i am not rushing her out or anything like that, i have given her 6 month’s notice, since any later than that will come too close to the birth. she was honestly quite taken aback by this, and thought that i was being cruel. her primary concern is that rent has gone up substantially in this city since she signed on with me (i haven’t increased her rent since she moved in, so she’s essentially paying 2015 rent). she works as a waitress, and will likely need to find a lesser apartment to keep within the same budget. a couple of other considerations are that she was out of work while restaurants were closed, but i did waive her rent for that period. all of the furniture is also mine (aside from her bedroom), so she would need to figure something out on that front as well, aside from all of the child expenses. i understand her position, and i feel horrible about the situation, but i honestly can’t do it. aita for this? [/INST] nta it's your home. you are allowed to live with who you want to. she's an adult. she has six months to figure out a new living arrangement. </s>
AITA for threatening to financially cut off my son over a baby name?	i had my son fairly young and i recently had a change of life baby. when i was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. i wasn't very happy but i've been supportive and i've given them a lot of financial assistance. i had my daughter two months ago and named her clara. my son's girlfriend went ballistic. she said they were going to name their daughter clara and that i should have consulted with them (umm i got pregnant first, but whatever) i told her she needs to grow up and that she doesn't own the name. my son asked me if i would consider changing clara's name. i said no and he stormed out of the house. well they told me the other day they are going to name their daughter paxtyn. i guess i made a face and she started yelling at me that it is my fault, because i stole the only name she likes. i even asked her if she likes the name paxtyn and she said she is going to like it when i have to tell my friends i have a granddaughter named paxtyn. so she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter. my son said i have two months to fix this (change clara's name) and i told them that they are both idiots, and i feel bad for their future child. i also said if they name their daughter paxtyn just to be spiteful i will not give them any further assistance. my son called me up and said i was being controlling, but when i asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up	24,992	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ht049f/aita_for_threatening_to_financially_cut_off_my/	2020-07-17 17:39:15	nta they have no claim to the name. you can name your child whatever you choose. are they planning on making everyone with that name change it? and if they’re “responsible” enough to have a child, they should be perfectly capable of supporting themselves without your help financially.	you shouldn't be financially supporting your son and his family anyway. pay for his college, sure. but this knucklehead knocked up his gf all by himself, so let him be a real daddy, not a pretend daddy, and take care of his family. let him work 20 hours every weekend supporting them while he's in school. let him learn how to budget. let him learn what it means to be a parent. that was your mistake, right there. blaming a name, retroactively, is passive aggressive and immature. you could say "great! i'll call her paxy-toodles! whee!" without threatening to withhold money you shouldn't be giving in the first place. you are playing their game rather than being a parent. you have every right to refuse to assist them but you are taking an adolescent stance as to why. better to be clear with them, before the baby is born, as to why you are cutting off assistance. they need to grow up, as do you, and quit this bullshit.	esh just tell them to also name the kid clara and be done with it. plenty of families have 3 (and sometimes 4) generations of men with the same name... you can handle two clara's if it that big a deal.	wait, what? you had a daughter and named her. your son's gf wants the name for her unborn child. your son gave you an ultimatum to change your daughter's name. no. nta. your son doesn't seem mature enough to live on his own, less parent a child. &#x200b; congrats on your daughter.	nta but you played this wrong. you should have gushed about the name paxtyn - just been really supportive and talked about how you couldn't wait to meet baby pax. takes the teeth out of their 'threat', prevents escalation to this exact situation and might even motivate them to change it to something else. at the end of the day, it's not like they are naming the kid alibi or anything.	nta. he and his girlfriend are being ridiculous. if they really are choosing a name to spite you, while also treating you rudely, i don’t blame you for wanting to cut him off financially. that said, from a practical perspective, cutting him off may mean you’ll never meet your granddaughter, so consider things carefully. is there a compromise everyone could reach, like he’d name his daughter “clarissa” or something close but still distinct?	info have your son or his hg ever mentioned the name clara in your presence?	nta kids having kids. i already feel sorry for that unborn child.	"oh yeah, that's my aunt. she's a clara, too." there is zero problem here (at least name-wise). nta	i dont get why they cant name their kid clara too, am i missing something? im 20 with a much younger sister and when i imagine my child having the same name as her it doesnt bother me whatsoever...	NTA	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	null	0.054249	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had my son fairly young and i recently had a change of life baby. when i was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. i wasn't very happy but i've been supportive and i've given them a lot of financial assistance. i had my daughter two months ago and named her clara. my son's girlfriend went ballistic. she said they were going to name their daughter clara and that i should have consulted with them (umm i got pregnant first, but whatever) i told her she needs to grow up and that she doesn't own the name. my son asked me if i would consider changing clara's name. i said no and he stormed out of the house. well they told me the other day they are going to name their daughter paxtyn. i guess i made a face and she started yelling at me that it is my fault, because i stole the only name she likes. i even asked her if she likes the name paxtyn and she said she is going to like it when i have to tell my friends i have a granddaughter named paxtyn. so she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter. my son said i have two months to fix this (change clara's name) and i told them that they are both idiots, and i feel bad for their future child. i also said if they name their daughter paxtyn just to be spiteful i will not give them any further assistance. my son called me up and said i was being controlling, but when i asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i had my son fairly young and i recently had a change of life baby. when i was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. i wasn't very happy but i've been supportive and i've given them a lot of financial assistance. i had my daughter two months ago and named her clara. my son's girlfriend went ballistic. she said they were going to name their daughter clara and that i should have consulted with them (umm i got pregnant first, but whatever) i told her she needs to grow up and that she doesn't own the name. my son asked me if i would consider changing clara's name. i said no and he stormed out of the house. well they told me the other day they are going to name their daughter paxtyn. i guess i made a face and she started yelling at me that it is my fault, because i stole the only name she likes. i even asked her if she likes the name paxtyn and she said she is going to like it when i have to tell my friends i have a granddaughter named paxtyn. so she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter. my son said i have two months to fix this (change clara's name) and i told them that they are both idiots, and i feel bad for their future child. i also said if they name their daughter paxtyn just to be spiteful i will not give them any further assistance. my son called me up and said i was being controlling, but when i asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up [/INST] nta they have no claim to the name. you can name your child whatever you choose. are they planning on making everyone with that name change it? and if they’re “responsible” enough to have a child, they should be perfectly capable of supporting themselves without your help financially. </s>
AITA for getting mad at my pregnant sister for not being excited for my wedding b/c I didn't choose a date she wanted me to?	i'm (27m) getting married later this year. earlier this year when i finalized the wedding date my sister asked me if i could move the date forward because she would be 39 weeks pregnant and she can't risk attending the wedding. that wasn't possible because my best friend who lives out of country could was only free during those days or he wouldn't make it so i refused and she said she was fine with it. me and her were close so i was bummed but it was whatever. now, i'm planning my wedding with my fiancée but the thing is my sister doesn't even show a little bit of excitement for it, she doesn't even look happy about it doesn't take interest when i ask her for her opinions. so, i snapped and told her she could at least be happy for me if she isn't attending the wedding. she said she doesn't see why she should be interested, she is happy for me and my fiancée but i can't expect her to show excitement about a wedding she isn't even attending. so, i told her it was her choice. she replied she has a good excuse not attend but i could've moved the wedding ahead a bit specially when the bride had no problem but i didn't so now i don't get to be mad. i was shocked by how bitter she is, i didn't expect her to hold a grudge she knows how close me and my best friend are. i vented to my fiancée about the whole thing but she told me i'm ta here and i need to cut my sister some slack because she's pregnant and i did choose my best friend over her. now i don't have any right to be mad. so, reddit aita?	9,209	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oo68dq/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_pregnant_sister_for/	2021-07-20 17:03:32	yta. no one cares about your wedding like you do. expecting your sister who herself has a major life changing thing going on to be excited for your wedding when you didn't even make an effort to set a date that could be convenient for her is not it. it seems like your sister didn't even say anything to you until you snapped at her. your fiancée is right.	yta, oh my. you told her you can’t change the date because your friend wouldn’t be able to attend if you did. you literally told her and everyone else, your friend means more to you than your sister. you said that you and your sister have (or had) a close relationship and are upset that she’s not more excited for you. why should she be? you told a pregnant sister that you would rather have a friend in your wedding than her. your sister is hurt and most importantly, she hasn’t taken it out on you. you’re upset that she’s not acting the way you want to? lmao yeah, yta	yta. you did choose to have your best friend attend instead of your sister. now you're annoyed because your sister isn't "showing enough excitement"? apologize to your sister, please.	>i did choose my best friend over her. yta for this and for not realising that your sister wanted to be invited and is upset that you basically told her that her presence was neither necessary or wanted. arrange something special for her before the wedding, like an afternoon tea with you and fiancée.	dude... the title alone makes you look bad. yta. if you were invited to a party or meetup, but was unable to attend, would you spend your time thinking about/being excited for an event you know you won't make it to? your sister is not bitter; she is keeping her head down so her arrogant brother doesn't stress her out or raise her blood pressure while she's pregnant.	your future spouse called you an asshole. you needed the internet to confirm it?	yta. no one is required to jump for joy or show excitement for anyone’s wedding if they aren’t feeling so. it’s your wedding. you don’t get to regulate someone’s reactions over a day that honestly isn’t the biggest day in anyone else’s life other than you and your fiancé. your sister is pregnant! stress and any issues could cause serious health issues for her and her baby. she isn’t allowed to travel. she’s not making a choice not to come….her life and her baby’s life could be in danger. she said she is happy for you. you didn’t have to be so rude to her and make a big deal out of something she didn’t even mention to begin with. your fiancé is quite sensible and understanding. you don’t have a right to be mad.	yta - why would your sister show excitement when she’s clearly disappointed that she can’t go? it’s borderline cruel to blatantly tell her your friend’s attendance is more important than hers and then get mad that she isn’t excited about helping you plan.	sorry. gotta go with yta on this. :( you said you were close...imagine you couldn't be with her on one of the most special days of her life because she planned it that way. then imagine that you have to keep hearing all the details and try to be supportive of this choice of hers while you hear over and over about it. it's like a nail getting hammered deeper and deeper each time the subject comes up. your brother who you've spent most of your life with has chosen to get married on a date that you can't be there. pretty sure you'd react the same as her or worse even. her reason for not being able to attend is something that she can't change. i'm sure there is very little else that would keep her from being there otherwise. i really feel like some sort of comprimise could've been reached despite the friend's limited window of availability. regardless, i do feel that you need to be more aware of why your sister is hurt.	yta. you expect her to be excited about your wedding when you deliberately set it up to exclude. how pathetic can you get?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm (27m) getting married later this year. earlier this year when i finalized the wedding date my sister asked me if i could move the date forward because she would be 39 weeks pregnant and she can't risk attending the wedding. that wasn't possible because my best friend who lives out of country could was only free during those days or he wouldn't make it so i refused and she said she was fine with it. me and her were close so i was bummed but it was whatever. now, i'm planning my wedding with my fiancée but the thing is my sister doesn't even show a little bit of excitement for it, she doesn't even look happy about it doesn't take interest when i ask her for her opinions. so, i snapped and told her she could at least be happy for me if she isn't attending the wedding. she said she doesn't see why she should be interested, she is happy for me and my fiancée but i can't expect her to show excitement about a wedding she isn't even attending. so, i told her it was her choice. she replied she has a good excuse not attend but i could've moved the wedding ahead a bit specially when the bride had no problem but i didn't so now i don't get to be mad. i was shocked by how bitter she is, i didn't expect her to hold a grudge she knows how close me and my best friend are. i vented to my fiancée about the whole thing but she told me i'm ta here and i need to cut my sister some slack because she's pregnant and i did choose my best friend over her. now i don't have any right to be mad. so, reddit aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm (27m) getting married later this year. earlier this year when i finalized the wedding date my sister asked me if i could move the date forward because she would be 39 weeks pregnant and she can't risk attending the wedding. that wasn't possible because my best friend who lives out of country could was only free during those days or he wouldn't make it so i refused and she said she was fine with it. me and her were close so i was bummed but it was whatever. now, i'm planning my wedding with my fiancée but the thing is my sister doesn't even show a little bit of excitement for it, she doesn't even look happy about it doesn't take interest when i ask her for her opinions. so, i snapped and told her she could at least be happy for me if she isn't attending the wedding. she said she doesn't see why she should be interested, she is happy for me and my fiancée but i can't expect her to show excitement about a wedding she isn't even attending. so, i told her it was her choice. she replied she has a good excuse not attend but i could've moved the wedding ahead a bit specially when the bride had no problem but i didn't so now i don't get to be mad. i was shocked by how bitter she is, i didn't expect her to hold a grudge she knows how close me and my best friend are. i vented to my fiancée about the whole thing but she told me i'm ta here and i need to cut my sister some slack because she's pregnant and i did choose my best friend over her. now i don't have any right to be mad. so, reddit aita? [/INST] yta. no one cares about your wedding like you do. expecting your sister who herself has a major life changing thing going on to be excited for your wedding when you didn't even make an effort to set a date that could be convenient for her is not it. it seems like your sister didn't even say anything to you until you snapped at her. your fiancée is right. </s>
AITA for pointing at the kitchen when MIL asked "where is our dinner?".	my husband had a serious injury weeks ago. he's bed ridden and his family come to see him everyday. mil keeps "drilling" what i need to do to make my husband comfortable but does nothing to help. just visits everyday and sits around expecting to be fed and entertained. sometimes bil, his wife & kids join them and turn the house into a mess. yesterday mil, her husband and son came again. they checked on my husband then went to sit in the living room for hours. i served them coffee and croissant. hours later my husband threw up again (2nd time) i had to take care of changing his clothes and cleaning the sheets to avoid infections. i was exhausted, i came downstairs and mil looked at me and asked " hey where's our dinner?". i was shocked that after seeing me go up and downstairs many times and cleaning and bringing new sheets and running the washing machine that she'd expect me to prepare dinner. i'd already eaten a sandwich at 6 and yogurt ( i have problems with my stomach and stress and pregnancy made it worse, i'm 4 months in) i pointed at the kitchen and told her to help herself out. she gave me a look then said she didn't expect me to ask her to cook dinner at my house. i said i didn't expect her to ask me to cook dinner while i'm taking care of her son. she started arguing about the way i spoke about my husband saying as his partner, this is the least i could do and called me unhinged for throwing in her face that i'm helping my husband. she got her husband involved asking what his thoughts were on me making guests go hungry and forcing them to cook themselves when this supposed to be my duty as a host/home owner. fil said they could order food and call it a day and yelled at my younger bil to stop playing on his phone and order food but mil got mad and lashed out criticizing me saying i wasn't up to the challenge of taking care of my home and my guests like an adult. i lost it on her and told them to leave since she kept yelling disrupting my husband's sleep. she left after saying she felt sorry for her son and grandbaby with an "aggressive wife and a mother like me". she told everyone and my older bil said he understood i'd a lot on my plate but lectured me about how i should have respect for his mom who was a guest. repeatedly saying if that was his wife she wouldn't have acted this way. and that i shouldn't use taking care of my husband against them. he asked me to apologize but i didn't. info: my husband suffers from 2 major injuries and he's got a long recovery ahead. right now there's so much pressure to take care of him while keeping up with house chores and work. my mom and sister help but not mil. she claimed that when i told them to leave i was refusing to let her see her sick son but i'd never do that. i lost a loved one before seeing them so i understand her fear but bil thought that was my goal.	26,225	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oslnww/aita_for_pointing_at_the_kitchen_when_mil_asked/	2021-07-27 12:14:22	nta don’t let them in anymore. or give them strict visiting hours and kick them out when they’re done. they are real ahs for sitting on their arses all day at your house expecting to be waited on. their dinner wasn’t in the kitchen at your house, it was in the kitchen at their house! it’s not your responsibility to feed unwanted and unhelpful guests.	no, nta. she’s the a. this isn’t the 1950s anymore, gender roles are not the same. seems like your hubby’s family has yet to catch up but that’s not on you. i’m curious if your husband would have put his foot down if they dared said that in front of him. but good on you for sticking up for yourself	your mil isn’t a guest. a guest is invited and welcome. she is a mooch. you are nta. you’ve been putting up with this for weeks, you are a saint for not snapping sooner. don’t let them into your house anymore and definitely don’t apologise. i hope your husband recovers soon and your pregnancy goes well.	nta. they might be guests but i feel that they're unwelcome ones. just kick to the curb. you have enough on your plate and you're pregnant too? boot them and save yourself at least that headache	are your in-laws coming over to help you care for your husband, or are they coming over to "see" him and therefore make life more difficult for everyone? because it seems like it's the latter. and if they are coming over to "help," they would either be helping you clean up the house or at least providing meals. do your in-laws not like you, by chance? they're treating you pretty shabbily. either you or your husband needs to put your foot down with your in-laws and let them know that if they're just coming over expecting to be entertained and catered to, they can go somewhere else. you're dealing with a bedridden husband and a pregnancy and don't need any more stress in your life. nta	so....why do you let them come in if they just sit around not even helping....?	you're pregnant as well as dealing with this? nta and i'm sorry to hear about your troubles. have you considered a canon to shoot the mil into space for that audacity there? or rabid hamsters, maybe dome rabid hamsters would work...	nta you didn't invite them, so they're not your guests. they're entitled intruders and they can be respectful of you in your home or they can leave. you owe them nothing and certainly no apologies. if bil insists his wife would wait on everyone, hand and foot, let him know he should be sure to tell his future wife of such expectations, lest he end up harshly disappointed with his 21st century partner.	nta. wow, passive aggressive bitchery at its finest. tell them they are no longer welcome in your home until they apologize. turn it around back on them. your husband doesn't need the stress that they are creating.	nta. you don't impose on folks with too much on their plate. you help out or get out of the way at least so as to not add to the things they have to take on.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband had a serious injury weeks ago. he's bed ridden and his family come to see him everyday. mil keeps "drilling" what i need to do to make my husband comfortable but does nothing to help. just visits everyday and sits around expecting to be fed and entertained. sometimes bil, his wife & kids join them and turn the house into a mess. yesterday mil, her husband and son came again. they checked on my husband then went to sit in the living room for hours. i served them coffee and croissant. hours later my husband threw up again (2nd time) i had to take care of changing his clothes and cleaning the sheets to avoid infections. i was exhausted, i came downstairs and mil looked at me and asked " hey where's our dinner?". i was shocked that after seeing me go up and downstairs many times and cleaning and bringing new sheets and running the washing machine that she'd expect me to prepare dinner. i'd already eaten a sandwich at 6 and yogurt ( i have problems with my stomach and stress and pregnancy made it worse, i'm 4 months in) i pointed at the kitchen and told her to help herself out. she gave me a look then said she didn't expect me to ask her to cook dinner at my house. i said i didn't expect her to ask me to cook dinner while i'm taking care of her son. she started arguing about the way i spoke about my husband saying as his partner, this is the least i could do and called me unhinged for throwing in her face that i'm helping my husband. she got her husband involved asking what his thoughts were on me making guests go hungry and forcing them to cook themselves when this supposed to be my duty as a host/home owner. fil said they could order food and call it a day and yelled at my younger bil to stop playing on his phone and order food but mil got mad and lashed out criticizing me saying i wasn't up to the challenge of taking care of my home and my guests like an adult. i lost it on her and told them to leave since she kept yelling disrupting my husband's sleep. she left after saying she felt sorry for her son and grandbaby with an "aggressive wife and a mother like me". she told everyone and my older bil said he understood i'd a lot on my plate but lectured me about how i should have respect for his mom who was a guest. repeatedly saying if that was his wife she wouldn't have acted this way. and that i shouldn't use taking care of my husband against them. he asked me to apologize but i didn't. info: my husband suffers from 2 major injuries and he's got a long recovery ahead. right now there's so much pressure to take care of him while keeping up with house chores and work. my mom and sister help but not mil. she claimed that when i told them to leave i was refusing to let her see her sick son but i'd never do that. i lost a loved one before seeing them so i understand her fear but bil thought that was my goal.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband had a serious injury weeks ago. he's bed ridden and his family come to see him everyday. mil keeps "drilling" what i need to do to make my husband comfortable but does nothing to help. just visits everyday and sits around expecting to be fed and entertained. sometimes bil, his wife & kids join them and turn the house into a mess. yesterday mil, her husband and son came again. they checked on my husband then went to sit in the living room for hours. i served them coffee and croissant. hours later my husband threw up again (2nd time) i had to take care of changing his clothes and cleaning the sheets to avoid infections. i was exhausted, i came downstairs and mil looked at me and asked " hey where's our dinner?". i was shocked that after seeing me go up and downstairs many times and cleaning and bringing new sheets and running the washing machine that she'd expect me to prepare dinner. i'd already eaten a sandwich at 6 and yogurt ( i have problems with my stomach and stress and pregnancy made it worse, i'm 4 months in) i pointed at the kitchen and told her to help herself out. she gave me a look then said she didn't expect me to ask her to cook dinner at my house. i said i didn't expect her to ask me to cook dinner while i'm taking care of her son. she started arguing about the way i spoke about my husband saying as his partner, this is the least i could do and called me unhinged for throwing in her face that i'm helping my husband. she got her husband involved asking what his thoughts were on me making guests go hungry and forcing them to cook themselves when this supposed to be my duty as a host/home owner. fil said they could order food and call it a day and yelled at my younger bil to stop playing on his phone and order food but mil got mad and lashed out criticizing me saying i wasn't up to the challenge of taking care of my home and my guests like an adult. i lost it on her and told them to leave since she kept yelling disrupting my husband's sleep. she left after saying she felt sorry for her son and grandbaby with an "aggressive wife and a mother like me". she told everyone and my older bil said he understood i'd a lot on my plate but lectured me about how i should have respect for his mom who was a guest. repeatedly saying if that was his wife she wouldn't have acted this way. and that i shouldn't use taking care of my husband against them. he asked me to apologize but i didn't. info: my husband suffers from 2 major injuries and he's got a long recovery ahead. right now there's so much pressure to take care of him while keeping up with house chores and work. my mom and sister help but not mil. she claimed that when i told them to leave i was refusing to let her see her sick son but i'd never do that. i lost a loved one before seeing them so i understand her fear but bil thought that was my goal. [/INST] nta don’t let them in anymore. or give them strict visiting hours and kick them out when they’re done. they are real ahs for sitting on their arses all day at your house expecting to be waited on. their dinner wasn’t in the kitchen at your house, it was in the kitchen at their house! it’s not your responsibility to feed unwanted and unhelpful guests. </s>
AITA for telling my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my inheritance?	my grandpa passed away a few months ago and i inherited a little over $4 million from his estate. i had no idea he had that much money and was honestly not expecting to receive anything, as i assumed it would all go to my mom. after i got over the initial shock, i took the opportunity to finally quit my job (which i really hated), as i don’t have any outstanding debts and can easily live off of $40,000 a year. i’m pretty introverted and am more than happy to stay at home working on art/music/other interests and gaming. ever since i inherited the money, my boyfriend has been pressuring me to cover all of the rent and utilities (about $1200 a month) for our apartment and start putting money away into a joint savings fund. i would be happy to do this if we were married, but we’re not. we’ve only been dating for a year and a half, and i would prefer to keep our finances separate. despite not working anymore, i still pay my half of the rent every month and have started paying for a housekeeper to come in and clean a few times a week, so our apartment is nearly always spotless and looks great. i told my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my money and he said i was being selfish for expecting him to still contribute to the rent when i could easily afford to pay for the whole thing. aita?	24,570	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f2wl3j/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_he_isnt_entitled_to/	2020-02-12 19:30:13	nta as you’re not married - i’d be very wary of marrying him though at this stage if this is his instant reaction to your finances. get some urgent legal advice on the precise law where you are regarding locking up your money into a trust with named beneficiaries (you and any future children), cohab agreements, common law marriage (if it exists where you are) and anything else which a decent lawyer will know.	nta judgement aside, stop renting an apartment and buy a house (yourself, not with the boyfriend). i know this isn't a finance subreddit, but continuing to rent when you could buy property instead is a huge mistake. also, you say you can live off of "$40,000 a year" which i assume is you dividing the $4m by 100 for a safety margin. if you were to invest your money instead and take the "safe withdrawal" standard of 4%, you're looking closer to $160,000 a year of passive income while preserving the $4m investment.	i’m sorry but esh, woah boy i’ll get some hate for this. a year and a half isn’t that long. it really can be an awkward stage in any relationship, been there myself. but having been in a really long term relationship, at some point you have to decide. if your really in it for the long run. he’s definitely the asshole here for pressuring you, it’s not a decision that needs to be made now, your still adjusting, and getting comfortable with how you want to spend your time. but your the asshole because your thinking about yourself. reddit and specifically the wider commentators in /r/amitheasshole have this weird view of social and relationship norms, that don’t actually reflect the real world. yes it’s your money to do with what you want, yes he isn’t entitled to it, yes legally he can’t really do anything. but that’s not how love really works. you need to think about what the money you have can do to better both of your lives and your relationship. do you want kids? do you want to buy a house together? do you want to travel together? do you have dreams that you have and want to realize together as a couple? it sounds like you’ve made the unilatteral decision to quit your old life for a new one. to explore yourself and spend all of your time doing things that make you happy. which is great, and fantastic, but you should have had, especially in a relationship your commited to, a serious discussion about what you should do moving forward. is he in a job he loves? would the money from the rent releive pressure on him? allow him to focus on other areas that allow him to be a better partner? in turn adding to your relationship. relationships are harder i think, as they go grow longer. they start to transition from that honeymoon phase of love and lust to more give and take, sacrifice, and bettering eachother. beacuse this is the one person you have decided to invest in. you have created this post for validation of your decision beacuse i think you know that your ignoring alot of things that are deeper and more real then a reddit post could ever solve. edit** thanks for the gold	esh just my opinion, don't take it to heart. if you've been with him for a year and a half and he's never asked for more money, he's not a gold digger. if you two live together already, you should be a team. he shouldn't be asking for you to pay everything and putting money in a joint account, but if you are planning to marry this guy some day i think y'all should start talking about financially building a future together. you planning to just live off the money and not work is a little selfish. he's busting his ass to pay his half, you're just using your dead grandpa's money so you don't have to bust your ass.	nah it seems clear you aren't really interested in marrying this guy. the reason i say this is because it seems all your thoughts and energy so far have been to improve and set yourself up for life, not a budding family. you guys cohabitate and have been together for a decent chunk of time, its not casual. put yourself in his shoes. he works hard, like you did. you two were building a life together. you come into an assload of money and all you are focusing on is yourself, not the family. he has to work full time like before and watch you do whatever you want. when he asked for help with saving ( a smart way to use money, not just asking for stuff etc), you went apeshit on him. even a saint would have trouble being cool with that. he won't be wrong for feeling that way and you aren't obligated to be that into him. but with your attitude the relationship has run its course.	absolutely nta. you aren’t married, so it isn’t his money. honestly, i’d be running from this relationship if i were you. if he acts like this now, imagine how he will be when he feels he has a legal right to your finances.	yta. i'll get rocks thrown but whatever. if i came upon 4 millions i bet you my bf wouldn't pay a single dollar on our rent. i could understand if it was something significantly expensive, but with 4 million, 600 per month is pretty much nothing for you, but it can be really big for him. if you're in it for the long haul... maybe he wants the occasion to pay off his debts? not be a slave to a job he doesn't like either? have a change of career? i mean at this point i think it's pretty much time to decide if it's long term or not. if it is, yeah i don't think this is fair.	nah a lot of people do proportional bills when they live together. he can ask and you can say no but it’s not unheard of.	info: how much does your boyfriend make? (approximately) if you were making 100k a year and your boyfriend was making 20k a year it would not be fair if you split the rent evenly. since you don’t need to put any money away to save for retirement or any other rainy day situation then it would not be fair if he does not have that kind of opportunity because the cost of rent is too high. if he’s not saving for retirement then he will be after your money eventually (provided you stay together).	nta. but you should really try to find another job and use that as you’re primary spending source. put the millions in a bank account for later and for the love of god don’t tell anyone you don’t completely trust about it. using it like this is going to be fun but people will start asking questions. i say this as someone who inherited a minuscule fraction of what you got and ended up having to hide it from people i once trusted.	NTA	NTA	ESH	ESH	NAH	NTA	YTA	NAH	INFO	NTA	0.34993	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my grandpa passed away a few months ago and i inherited a little over $4 million from his estate. i had no idea he had that much money and was honestly not expecting to receive anything, as i assumed it would all go to my mom. after i got over the initial shock, i took the opportunity to finally quit my job (which i really hated), as i don’t have any outstanding debts and can easily live off of $40,000 a year. i’m pretty introverted and am more than happy to stay at home working on art/music/other interests and gaming. ever since i inherited the money, my boyfriend has been pressuring me to cover all of the rent and utilities (about $1200 a month) for our apartment and start putting money away into a joint savings fund. i would be happy to do this if we were married, but we’re not. we’ve only been dating for a year and a half, and i would prefer to keep our finances separate. despite not working anymore, i still pay my half of the rent every month and have started paying for a housekeeper to come in and clean a few times a week, so our apartment is nearly always spotless and looks great. i told my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my money and he said i was being selfish for expecting him to still contribute to the rent when i could easily afford to pay for the whole thing. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my grandpa passed away a few months ago and i inherited a little over $4 million from his estate. i had no idea he had that much money and was honestly not expecting to receive anything, as i assumed it would all go to my mom. after i got over the initial shock, i took the opportunity to finally quit my job (which i really hated), as i don’t have any outstanding debts and can easily live off of $40,000 a year. i’m pretty introverted and am more than happy to stay at home working on art/music/other interests and gaming. ever since i inherited the money, my boyfriend has been pressuring me to cover all of the rent and utilities (about $1200 a month) for our apartment and start putting money away into a joint savings fund. i would be happy to do this if we were married, but we’re not. we’ve only been dating for a year and a half, and i would prefer to keep our finances separate. despite not working anymore, i still pay my half of the rent every month and have started paying for a housekeeper to come in and clean a few times a week, so our apartment is nearly always spotless and looks great. i told my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my money and he said i was being selfish for expecting him to still contribute to the rent when i could easily afford to pay for the whole thing. aita? [/INST] nta as you’re not married - i’d be very wary of marrying him though at this stage if this is his instant reaction to your finances. get some urgent legal advice on the precise law where you are regarding locking up your money into a trust with named beneficiaries (you and any future children), cohab agreements, common law marriage (if it exists where you are) and anything else which a decent lawyer will know. </s>
AITA for returning the money my future in laws gave us for our wedding and embarrassing my fiancé?	i am getting married to "adam" we have an amazing relationship, communicate great, and he is my best friend, but we come from vastly different backgrounds. adam grew up with extreme privilege and due to that we sometimes see things differently. when we got engaged his parents "scott and marie" gave us a very generous amount of money to pay for the wedding and hinted that there would be more money coming when we bought a house. this was not unexpected. he is the youngest child so we knew what they had done for their other two. i had a little pause about accepting so much money, but i put it in perspective and it wasn't that much to them, plus they wanted to do this for their son. recently my parents hosted a cook out and invited scott and marie so the families could meet. everything was going alright but my parents are huge drinkers. his aren't and don't hold alcohol that well, but i guess felt some pressure to keep up. so scott got wasted and was much more talkative than usual (i have been with his son for 4 years and he has never made an effort to get to know me) and he was talking to my dad and said something about where he grew up (low income government housing) my dad was shocked and made a comment about it's amazing that he has come so far. now i knew some of the background. scott grew up dirt poor. he is brilliant and totally self made. someone said it is the best feeling to give your kids everything you didn't get, isn't it? scott then said "i just wanted my wife to have everything. she is why i did it and now there are those bad feelings because i have to give my kids all this stuff and i'm just like fuck no, but then you know she just makes it worth it." marie was like aww, like he didn't just shit all over their kids. i was floored. i knew scott was a very cold man. i knew that adam didn't have the best relationship with him, but that just shook me to the core. i didn't say anything because what is the point when he is drunk, but i told adam i wanted to return all of the money and have the wedding we can afford. adam didn't get it, but we sat down with his parents. i told them that and marie began guilt tripping about i'm shaming him for his feelings and people aren't perfect. it's ok that he feels that way because he does the "right thing" in the end. scott didn't say much and just rolled his eyes. i was adamant that all the money is going back. the venue we can't get the money back so that is the one thing i will keep, but it is going to be a much smaller wedding and adam feels like i'm punishing him for what his dad did and that it isn't fair. he is a huge extrovert, loves parties, and is salty over this. scott and marie think i'm being ridiculous but i just don't want his money if he feels that way.	4,091	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qy6gyx/aita_for_returning_the_money_my_future_in_laws/	2021-11-20 14:16:54	yta your fiancé's relationship with his parents is his to manage, but you have steam-rolled over him like your hurt feelings on his behalf are more important than his actual feelings.	it kind of feels like you're only giving the money back because you want scott to feel bad about what he said while drunk. and you're ignoring adam's opinion/feelings about it because you want to prove you're a better person then scott by giving back the money. yta	yta - i think you’re overreacting to the comment. he was drunk and talked about wishing he didn’t have to give tons of moneys to his adult kids. that doesn’t mean he hates his kids. it sounds like his and his wife have differing views on how much to financially support their adult children and he ultimately caved to his wife’s wishes to please her. that hardly makes him some cold person. additionally, they are his parents so it’s his relationship to manage. it’s not your place to unilaterally decide to return gifted money from his family.	yta. mind your business. scott and marie are his parents, not yours. scott was drunk. he loves his kids, and his wife!	yta so everything is your way or not at all.	yta. you are completely ignoring what your fiance wants. given that these are his parents, he should make the decision. you are ultimately making your relationship with your in laws worse over a drunken comment. look at the bigger picture, and move on.	yta you should have left it alone. his mother obviously wanted you to have the money and your finance didn’t want you to give it back.	yta * i wouldn't step in between the son-parent relationship of someone else, including future spouse. if everyone knows how they feel about each other and the gift then its not up to you to decide how they act. * its his wedding and future house too. your husband gets some sort of say how it should be funded. * you might have changed your relationship with your future in-laws (argument, cannot trust you with their feelings, negatively impacting their son and what they see as their gift to their son etc) and i'm not sure what you get out of it except your own personal pride/ego.	yta: you should not be marrying someone whose life you secretly envy and resent. what does the fathers feelings matter? you’re always gonna be this difficult over money then you shouldn’t marry him. you will always wanna prove something using finances and your upbringing as an excuse. honestly, it’s gonna be an exhausting marriage for him because you seem to like stress and discomfort over a comfortable life. like growing up poor is a badge of honor, it’s not. you’re judge mental as hell too. you wouldn’t like it if his parents judged your parents for the way they chose to live their lives, especially with their heavily drinking habit. grow up and good luck to your marriage	yta. scott loves his wife and supports his kids. he said something poorly while drunk. get off your high horse.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am getting married to "adam" we have an amazing relationship, communicate great, and he is my best friend, but we come from vastly different backgrounds. adam grew up with extreme privilege and due to that we sometimes see things differently. when we got engaged his parents "scott and marie" gave us a very generous amount of money to pay for the wedding and hinted that there would be more money coming when we bought a house. this was not unexpected. he is the youngest child so we knew what they had done for their other two. i had a little pause about accepting so much money, but i put it in perspective and it wasn't that much to them, plus they wanted to do this for their son. recently my parents hosted a cook out and invited scott and marie so the families could meet. everything was going alright but my parents are huge drinkers. his aren't and don't hold alcohol that well, but i guess felt some pressure to keep up. so scott got wasted and was much more talkative than usual (i have been with his son for 4 years and he has never made an effort to get to know me) and he was talking to my dad and said something about where he grew up (low income government housing) my dad was shocked and made a comment about it's amazing that he has come so far. now i knew some of the background. scott grew up dirt poor. he is brilliant and totally self made. someone said it is the best feeling to give your kids everything you didn't get, isn't it? scott then said "i just wanted my wife to have everything. she is why i did it and now there are those bad feelings because i have to give my kids all this stuff and i'm just like fuck no, but then you know she just makes it worth it." marie was like aww, like he didn't just shit all over their kids. i was floored. i knew scott was a very cold man. i knew that adam didn't have the best relationship with him, but that just shook me to the core. i didn't say anything because what is the point when he is drunk, but i told adam i wanted to return all of the money and have the wedding we can afford. adam didn't get it, but we sat down with his parents. i told them that and marie began guilt tripping about i'm shaming him for his feelings and people aren't perfect. it's ok that he feels that way because he does the "right thing" in the end. scott didn't say much and just rolled his eyes. i was adamant that all the money is going back. the venue we can't get the money back so that is the one thing i will keep, but it is going to be a much smaller wedding and adam feels like i'm punishing him for what his dad did and that it isn't fair. he is a huge extrovert, loves parties, and is salty over this. scott and marie think i'm being ridiculous but i just don't want his money if he feels that way.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am getting married to "adam" we have an amazing relationship, communicate great, and he is my best friend, but we come from vastly different backgrounds. adam grew up with extreme privilege and due to that we sometimes see things differently. when we got engaged his parents "scott and marie" gave us a very generous amount of money to pay for the wedding and hinted that there would be more money coming when we bought a house. this was not unexpected. he is the youngest child so we knew what they had done for their other two. i had a little pause about accepting so much money, but i put it in perspective and it wasn't that much to them, plus they wanted to do this for their son. recently my parents hosted a cook out and invited scott and marie so the families could meet. everything was going alright but my parents are huge drinkers. his aren't and don't hold alcohol that well, but i guess felt some pressure to keep up. so scott got wasted and was much more talkative than usual (i have been with his son for 4 years and he has never made an effort to get to know me) and he was talking to my dad and said something about where he grew up (low income government housing) my dad was shocked and made a comment about it's amazing that he has come so far. now i knew some of the background. scott grew up dirt poor. he is brilliant and totally self made. someone said it is the best feeling to give your kids everything you didn't get, isn't it? scott then said "i just wanted my wife to have everything. she is why i did it and now there are those bad feelings because i have to give my kids all this stuff and i'm just like fuck no, but then you know she just makes it worth it." marie was like aww, like he didn't just shit all over their kids. i was floored. i knew scott was a very cold man. i knew that adam didn't have the best relationship with him, but that just shook me to the core. i didn't say anything because what is the point when he is drunk, but i told adam i wanted to return all of the money and have the wedding we can afford. adam didn't get it, but we sat down with his parents. i told them that and marie began guilt tripping about i'm shaming him for his feelings and people aren't perfect. it's ok that he feels that way because he does the "right thing" in the end. scott didn't say much and just rolled his eyes. i was adamant that all the money is going back. the venue we can't get the money back so that is the one thing i will keep, but it is going to be a much smaller wedding and adam feels like i'm punishing him for what his dad did and that it isn't fair. he is a huge extrovert, loves parties, and is salty over this. scott and marie think i'm being ridiculous but i just don't want his money if he feels that way. [/INST] yta your fiancé's relationship with his parents is his to manage, but you have steam-rolled over him like your hurt feelings on his behalf are more important than his actual feelings. </s>
AITA for telling my dad his favorite Christmas memory is one of my least favorite?	i need to hear from others on this. when i (21f) was 8 my mom died. two years later he was married again. that first christmas after he remarried i asked my dad if we could spend a few hours christmas eve at the lake we used to go to every year with my mom, just the two of us. he said sure but then brought his wife and her two kids along and we spent it together. i was so upset and mad and it ruined the intention of going, to have one last moment where i felt like it was just the three of us--not really but it brought a closeness when we went there just the two of us and i wanted it one last time. i always made it known it wasn't what i wanted and my dad knew i was mad. but he always talked about how that was one of his favorite christmas memories because it brought back our first family christmas. i always wondered if he was talking like that to try and convince me that i felt the same way because he always ignored my feelings on it. anyway, i was talking to him for a little while yesterday and he brought up the memory again and i asked him to stop. he told me he didn't know what i meant and i told him the memory might have been his favorite christmas memory but i hated it and i did not look back fondly on it. he asked me how i could hate the memory of the first christmas we had as a family with his wife and her kids. i told him because i had wanted one last christmas memory of just the two of us. i said even an hour would have been better but he ruined it by including them. he said he thought i understood why they were included and i said no, he just didn't want to accept that i was mad about it. he told me it was important to cement family bonds and i told him if i could i would gladly forget that memory. he got mad and told me i didn't need to try and shame him for loving that memory. i told him i just wanted him to stop bringing it up to me. he's demanding an apology and he told me i am selfish for saying a memory was ruined because we included our family. i told him he would never understand and i hung up on him. he messaged me after and told me he still wants the apology and for me to get over myself. aita?	21,393	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kjxszn/aita_for_telling_my_dad_his_favorite_christmas/	2020-12-25 11:47:38	nta he's not listening to you. he understands your feelings, but doesn't want to deal with the possibility that he fucked up. he actually owes you an apology.	nta. mom here of a blended family. i made the mistake of doing something similar. i thought it would bring my kiddos joy to be included and it didn’t. at all. they were very upset. i didn’t know how upset until years later. eventually they told me and i apologized for hurting them. his intent wasn’t to hurt you but that was the result. it took courage to tell him your perspective and whether or not he sees it is perfectly ok to tell him that something he brings up repeatedly is painful to you. that’s a healthy boundary you set. he should value how his actions and continued actions make you feel.	[deleted]	nta he wants you to apologise because you made him feel bad. but he doesn't realise, because he hasn't thought deeply about it, he feels bad because he did the wrong thing by not accepting your feelings. he feels guilty, but doesn't recognise it. you make him feel guilty by being unhappy about the memory, but instead of him taking responsibility for his mistake and apologising to you, he contextualises his hurt as being caused by you. so he wants an apology from you. try this - kindly, with patience in your voice, explain that you understand he values family unity, and his intentions with including his second wife and kids were good intentions, but he made a mistake and hurt you. you know he loves you and didn't mean to hurt you, but he did. give that sentence space to let it sink in. if he argues that point, firmly calmly set him straight; he hurt you. he doesn't get to tell you your feelings aren't valid. it would help him and you for him to apologise for not realising the hurt he caused you by making the decision he did, even though his intention was good. apologising for that isn't an apology for wanting the family to be united. do not apologise for your own feelings.	nta it was really brave of you to be so candid with your father about how that trip made you feel. that's not an easy thing to do. as a grieving child undergoing a lot of change, you asked for one special moment, which he agreed to, and then did the opposite of what you asked. that must have felt so awful, like a betrayal. your dad is the one who was selfish that night, and deep down he knows it. much easier to make you the bad guy than engage with any sense of shame. don't be afraid turn it around and tell him he is the one who needs to apologize to you. and then accept that you may never get that apology and move on.	nta i'm sorry your dad was so insensitive. i see a lot of stories about second marriages here, it seems like parents are often very keen to cover up old (or fairly recent) pain with a new marriage and a new family, completely forgetting or disregarding the emotional needs of their kids with regards to the parent who passed away. i think your dad never wanted to believe or understand that his new wife couldn't simply replace your mum, that it wasn't that easy to solve the 'problem' of your grief and sense of loss. you have blown up this illusion he's always held on to that his new family has also always been yours. it's never that easy. your request to spend a few hours at this place that meant a lot to you and your memories of your mum was a very simple one, and he should have been sensitive enough to know that bringing along his new wife and step kids would do nothing but hurt you. i suspect he was terrified of spending that time alone with you, because he thought it might be very emotional and he didn't want to face his memories. the thing is, you don't create a new family or 'cement family bonds' by simply erasing the past. it doesn't work like that. he should have always kept the memory of your mum alive, that would have helped you process things, and it might have opened you up enough to slowly come to accept his remarriage and your new step family. to expect that of you a mere two years later is inhumane. i don't think he will ever understand the things he did wrong and their effects on you unless he starts attending therapy. as for you, you are certainly not selfish, nor are you responsible for his failings as a father. he should have done better and you had every right to expect better from him.	[deleted]	esh. both of you disregard each other's feelings, are selfish and keep grudges over decades.	nta you were a child grieving your mother and he stomped all over your feelings. then he’s continued to gaslight you in an attempt to say, “nooooo, it was actually a goooood memory, you don’t know what you’re talking about....” you didn’t say, “you also have to decide this is a bad memory,” because that would be exactly what he did. you said, “we have a disagreement about this and i would like to stop talking about it.” he cares more about being “right” than he cares about your feelings.	nta. no one gets to dictate how you feel about something and if it is unpleasant for you to remember he should not bring it up. sounds like putting himself over your feelings is a pattern for him. i am sorry you have to deal with that hurt. merry christmas.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.01744	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i need to hear from others on this. when i (21f) was 8 my mom died. two years later he was married again. that first christmas after he remarried i asked my dad if we could spend a few hours christmas eve at the lake we used to go to every year with my mom, just the two of us. he said sure but then brought his wife and her two kids along and we spent it together. i was so upset and mad and it ruined the intention of going, to have one last moment where i felt like it was just the three of us--not really but it brought a closeness when we went there just the two of us and i wanted it one last time. i always made it known it wasn't what i wanted and my dad knew i was mad. but he always talked about how that was one of his favorite christmas memories because it brought back our first family christmas. i always wondered if he was talking like that to try and convince me that i felt the same way because he always ignored my feelings on it. anyway, i was talking to him for a little while yesterday and he brought up the memory again and i asked him to stop. he told me he didn't know what i meant and i told him the memory might have been his favorite christmas memory but i hated it and i did not look back fondly on it. he asked me how i could hate the memory of the first christmas we had as a family with his wife and her kids. i told him because i had wanted one last christmas memory of just the two of us. i said even an hour would have been better but he ruined it by including them. he said he thought i understood why they were included and i said no, he just didn't want to accept that i was mad about it. he told me it was important to cement family bonds and i told him if i could i would gladly forget that memory. he got mad and told me i didn't need to try and shame him for loving that memory. i told him i just wanted him to stop bringing it up to me. he's demanding an apology and he told me i am selfish for saying a memory was ruined because we included our family. i told him he would never understand and i hung up on him. he messaged me after and told me he still wants the apology and for me to get over myself. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i need to hear from others on this. when i (21f) was 8 my mom died. two years later he was married again. that first christmas after he remarried i asked my dad if we could spend a few hours christmas eve at the lake we used to go to every year with my mom, just the two of us. he said sure but then brought his wife and her two kids along and we spent it together. i was so upset and mad and it ruined the intention of going, to have one last moment where i felt like it was just the three of us--not really but it brought a closeness when we went there just the two of us and i wanted it one last time. i always made it known it wasn't what i wanted and my dad knew i was mad. but he always talked about how that was one of his favorite christmas memories because it brought back our first family christmas. i always wondered if he was talking like that to try and convince me that i felt the same way because he always ignored my feelings on it. anyway, i was talking to him for a little while yesterday and he brought up the memory again and i asked him to stop. he told me he didn't know what i meant and i told him the memory might have been his favorite christmas memory but i hated it and i did not look back fondly on it. he asked me how i could hate the memory of the first christmas we had as a family with his wife and her kids. i told him because i had wanted one last christmas memory of just the two of us. i said even an hour would have been better but he ruined it by including them. he said he thought i understood why they were included and i said no, he just didn't want to accept that i was mad about it. he told me it was important to cement family bonds and i told him if i could i would gladly forget that memory. he got mad and told me i didn't need to try and shame him for loving that memory. i told him i just wanted him to stop bringing it up to me. he's demanding an apology and he told me i am selfish for saying a memory was ruined because we included our family. i told him he would never understand and i hung up on him. he messaged me after and told me he still wants the apology and for me to get over myself. aita? [/INST] nta he's not listening to you. he understands your feelings, but doesn't want to deal with the possibility that he fucked up. he actually owes you an apology. </s>
AITA for canceling my daughter’s music classes	i’m a single mom to one daughter, madeline (15). she’s very musically inclined and is an amazing singer so when everything happened, i put her in piano lessons and voice lessons after school once a week to give her something to look forward to. madeline has leukemia. she gets chemo every day for a week then has 3 weeks off. i understand she’s tired and probably can’t focus well because of the chemo but she’s fallen behind in all of her classes and hasn’t been keeping her room clean but she was always doing great in her voice lessons and piano classes. i think if she tried half as hard in school as she does in voice and piano, she’d be great, so i called her teachers and told them i was canceling classes until further notice and i told them why. madeline’s voice teacher asked me to reconsider and told me she thinks madeline has a real chance at making it as a singer. i told her that my decision is final until she catches up in school and can keep her room clean and hung up. when i told madeline that her classes were canceled until she keeps her room clean and catch up in school she started crying and yelling at me that i’m taking away the only thing she has and that she hates me. it’s been a month and i rarely hear madeline singing or playing piano anymore and she stays in bed all day. she only speaks to me when it’s absolutely necessary and even then will only say a couple words. i bought her headphones for her birthday a couple weeks ago and she hasn’t touched them. they’re sitting in the sealed box in her room. i’m starting to feel bad about taking her lessons away but i just wanted her to try harder in school and to keep her room clean. that’s not too much to ask. was i the asshole for taking away her lessons?	3,769	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kima5r/aita_for_canceling_my_daughters_music_classes/	2020-12-23 04:40:58	yta. this year is tough for many students, but on top of that your daughter is struggling with a serious illness. your punishment should match the crime- taking away something she enjoys and practices doesn't do that. it's just a power move, not an actual punishment.	yta. chemo is hard on your body, and cancer is hard on your spirits. it's worse during a pandemic. madeline has limited resources to spend doing the things in her life. she may not be able to do them all. she loves some of these things and not others. and school, as important as it is, is a lot of work for a future that she has to wonder if she will ever see. taking away what she loves is just making her life worse. and it is already pretty hard. look after her spirit, nurture her hope, give her reasons to want to live. she can learn history and science later.	this can’t be real. no real parent would take away something that gave a seriously ill child joy. yta	yta. oh my god, you are such an asshole. if my kid had literal actual goddamn cancer and was getting chemotherapy, her grades would be the absolute last thing in this world i would be worried about. she had something that was making her happy while doing chemo for her cancer. and you took it away because her report card made you mad. what the fuck is wrong with you.	jfc yta. assuming this isn't a troll post - because this is inhuman - you're telling me as a parent you thought it was the right call to take away the only thing that gives your daughter, who has leukemia, joy to encourage her to do better in school? are you, by chance single by someone else's choice? if you did this, it's bordering on unforgiveable. a little girl who can't leave home during a global pandemic because she might die has been lax in keeping her room tidy? *did you also demand she never use wire hangers?* you're not just an ah, you're cruel. worse, you're cruel to a defenseless child who's dealing with a life-threatening illness and undergoing treatment that also makes her ill. the more i think about this, the worse you look.	soooo . . . she is on chemo and you are worried about how clean her room is?!?!? she is right, you did take away the one thing she loved. and for what? so you could feel like you are a responsible parent? come on. she is clearly devastated. yta.	typing with clenched teeth here. yta. jesus, i'm furious. yes, it was too much to ask. chemotherapy and a pandemic on top of being fifteen. your child is in my prayers. ask her for forgiveness and reinstate the goddamn lessons. they're probably her lifeline, her main joy. this is not how you help your child. sincerely, a music instructor	yta. why the heck are you prioritizing your daughter's grades over her emotional well-being when she has leukemia?	as a survivor and a musician, yta. this stuff is really hard on the body. she needs something to enjoy. she can always redo her schoolwork, but she can’t get back time enjoyed in a music lesson.	yta - she could die and you care more about her grades than her happiness. people with cancer need to keep fighting and one way to help her do that is by letting her do the thing she loves. these grades won't even matter in 5 years. honestly they may not even matter in 2 years. music is clearly her talent anyway, she could end up getting a music scholarship to a collage or becoming a music teacher or playing in an orchestra or choir. stop making things harder for your sick kid.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m a single mom to one daughter, madeline (15). she’s very musically inclined and is an amazing singer so when everything happened, i put her in piano lessons and voice lessons after school once a week to give her something to look forward to. madeline has leukemia. she gets chemo every day for a week then has 3 weeks off. i understand she’s tired and probably can’t focus well because of the chemo but she’s fallen behind in all of her classes and hasn’t been keeping her room clean but she was always doing great in her voice lessons and piano classes. i think if she tried half as hard in school as she does in voice and piano, she’d be great, so i called her teachers and told them i was canceling classes until further notice and i told them why. madeline’s voice teacher asked me to reconsider and told me she thinks madeline has a real chance at making it as a singer. i told her that my decision is final until she catches up in school and can keep her room clean and hung up. when i told madeline that her classes were canceled until she keeps her room clean and catch up in school she started crying and yelling at me that i’m taking away the only thing she has and that she hates me. it’s been a month and i rarely hear madeline singing or playing piano anymore and she stays in bed all day. she only speaks to me when it’s absolutely necessary and even then will only say a couple words. i bought her headphones for her birthday a couple weeks ago and she hasn’t touched them. they’re sitting in the sealed box in her room. i’m starting to feel bad about taking her lessons away but i just wanted her to try harder in school and to keep her room clean. that’s not too much to ask. was i the asshole for taking away her lessons?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i’m a single mom to one daughter, madeline (15). she’s very musically inclined and is an amazing singer so when everything happened, i put her in piano lessons and voice lessons after school once a week to give her something to look forward to. madeline has leukemia. she gets chemo every day for a week then has 3 weeks off. i understand she’s tired and probably can’t focus well because of the chemo but she’s fallen behind in all of her classes and hasn’t been keeping her room clean but she was always doing great in her voice lessons and piano classes. i think if she tried half as hard in school as she does in voice and piano, she’d be great, so i called her teachers and told them i was canceling classes until further notice and i told them why. madeline’s voice teacher asked me to reconsider and told me she thinks madeline has a real chance at making it as a singer. i told her that my decision is final until she catches up in school and can keep her room clean and hung up. when i told madeline that her classes were canceled until she keeps her room clean and catch up in school she started crying and yelling at me that i’m taking away the only thing she has and that she hates me. it’s been a month and i rarely hear madeline singing or playing piano anymore and she stays in bed all day. she only speaks to me when it’s absolutely necessary and even then will only say a couple words. i bought her headphones for her birthday a couple weeks ago and she hasn’t touched them. they’re sitting in the sealed box in her room. i’m starting to feel bad about taking her lessons away but i just wanted her to try harder in school and to keep her room clean. that’s not too much to ask. was i the asshole for taking away her lessons? [/INST] yta. this year is tough for many students, but on top of that your daughter is struggling with a serious illness. your punishment should match the crime- taking away something she enjoys and practices doesn't do that. it's just a power move, not an actual punishment. </s>
AITA for shaming my family for not "supporting me enough" during my cancer treatment?	i think i'm in the right on this, but i've also been told i'm an abrasive asshole so maybe i should have handled this differently. i'm 25, female, and have cancer. i'm not going to die. we caught it early enough to know that i will survive this. chemo sucks, i'm already sick of the gi jane/natalie portman/imperator furiosa jokes after i shaved my head, but at least i can now smoke pot in a state that bans recreational marijuana use. the other night, i got phone calls from my sister and my cousin letting me know that our aunt, who is the most overzealous, narcissistic, self-absorbed woman we know, was planning on having the whole family show their support for my cancer diagnosis by getting everyone to shave their heads. personally, i always thought this stunt was really stupid. and my sister and cousin are against this for a number of reasons. my sister is a flight attendant and just got off furlough, so she doesn't want to jeopardize her job by showing up to work with a shaved head when her airline has a very strict dress code. my cousin is fourteen, has waist length red hair that makes her look like a ginger rapunzel, and is already dealing with self-esteem issues. her hair is the only thing she likes about herself, so shaving it off would destroy her mentally. they tried to talk my aunt of out it, but she wasn't budging. we think my aunt is doing this to get clout on social media, maybe even get an article in people. idk. like i said, she will make anything about her. so, without naming names, i made this post on facebook letting everyone in our family know that the jig is up. the gist was that i don't want to see anyone shaving their heads in the name of supporting me just because i have cancer, especially when some of them were the ones behind the gi jane jokes. instead of doing something that would make them feel good about themselves, why not do something to make me feel good. like, oh, i don't know, driving me to my appointments now and then or helping around the apartment or cooking when i don't feel like hot pockets again. just something to make my routine a little easier while i deal with the chemo side affects. hell, even a lemonade stand will do because this is america and our healthcare system is a joke. this backfired and now many of my relatives, spearheaded by my aunt, are putting me on blast by calling me ungrateful. i should be happy to see that i have my whole family supporting me on my "battle" (barf) by doing this selfless act. they even went as far as to say that i was acting like a brat by saying they don't help out enough and what i'm asking for is too much. even though they have done diddly squat since i got my diagnosis. so now my family, except my sister and cousin, think i'm an entitled jerk who is using her cancer diagnosis to get more out of them. and maybe iata for how i handled this. i need a second opinion.	18,739	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lv37wl/aita_for_shaming_my_family_for_not_supporting_me/	2021-03-01 07:43:28	nta you are the one with cancer. you are the one who needs the extra help, and guess what? forcing a 14!year old girl to shave her head is gonna do what? having you poor sister who just got her job back put that in jeopardy is going to do what exactly? play the cancer card. “i have cancer fuck off”	nta i had cancer so i’m sorry to hear that i know firsthand it sucks. they’re trying to make you feel like the asshole because they want to support you in the way they feel like supporting you and not the way you want to be supported. that’s complete bs imo. forgive me if i’m making an assumption here but it sounds like you have attention monsters on your hands here. they’re unwanted and unneeded. it sounds like your aunt especially wants to talk about this when asked so people can say “oh how nice of you to join her” so she can look good. it’s crap and you really don’t need it on top of this. side note: i did 3 rounds of chemo and nobody warned me of the constipation so ask them for rx laxatives.	nta. this "support" is what people who don't want to provide actually help do to save face and gain social points (just like you pointed out). your aunt can fuck right off.	[removed]	nta wow if i were in your shoes right now i’d be shaming everyone who’s called you any names due to shaving your hair already and for what they’ve since said about supporting you or in this case their lack of support. if they think shaving their hair is going to support you, then they are wrong on so many levels.	nta- you're being extremely reasonable with your requests. your aunt sounds like a very self-centered person and needed that reality check. i can't believe your other family members are attacking you alongside her. they all suck also please don't allow them to shave your cousins hair, how heartbreaking it would be to lose that beautiful hair!	nta get well soon ❤️ they can mope at a corner. aunt was just planning to enjoy the popularity she will get by hair shaving stunt. her ulterior motives became clear when you wanted her support in ways that does not benefit her. cooking a bowl of soup maybe wont break facebook like records, but is surely more useful to you.	what kind of asshole thinks that actual support in useful ways is more important than virtual signaling by shaving your head in solidarity for attention? /s obviously nta. you’re family are all being narcissistic assholes by thinking that their version of moral support is more important than what you, the actual human being who has cancer, wants and needs.	nta. if they are going to be like that then publicly put your aunt on blast and say she’s trying to force people women and minors to shave their heads, against their will, so she can get attention whilst you expressly said you didn’t want people to shave their heads against their will. throw in that you tried to be diplomatic but now, whilst dealing with chemo, you are being forced to deal with your aunt when all you want, if people want to help, is for some rides to appointments and some help at home. say you’re so stressed as you are struggling and can’t believe your aunt and other misguided family are putting you through this at such a trying time. flip it on them. so sorry you’re going through this and best of luck!!!	nta, the ‘shaving your head in support thing’ always seems so narcissistic, it’s really a look at how great i am stunt. and they’re willing to get together in a decently big group to do this despite covid? if they want to support you, they should start by quitting it with the joke, and ask you what you need support with, rather than go with the narcissist of the family. best wishes to you, hope you can recover quickly ❤️❤️	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i think i'm in the right on this, but i've also been told i'm an abrasive asshole so maybe i should have handled this differently. i'm 25, female, and have cancer. i'm not going to die. we caught it early enough to know that i will survive this. chemo sucks, i'm already sick of the gi jane/natalie portman/imperator furiosa jokes after i shaved my head, but at least i can now smoke pot in a state that bans recreational marijuana use. the other night, i got phone calls from my sister and my cousin letting me know that our aunt, who is the most overzealous, narcissistic, self-absorbed woman we know, was planning on having the whole family show their support for my cancer diagnosis by getting everyone to shave their heads. personally, i always thought this stunt was really stupid. and my sister and cousin are against this for a number of reasons. my sister is a flight attendant and just got off furlough, so she doesn't want to jeopardize her job by showing up to work with a shaved head when her airline has a very strict dress code. my cousin is fourteen, has waist length red hair that makes her look like a ginger rapunzel, and is already dealing with self-esteem issues. her hair is the only thing she likes about herself, so shaving it off would destroy her mentally. they tried to talk my aunt of out it, but she wasn't budging. we think my aunt is doing this to get clout on social media, maybe even get an article in people. idk. like i said, she will make anything about her. so, without naming names, i made this post on facebook letting everyone in our family know that the jig is up. the gist was that i don't want to see anyone shaving their heads in the name of supporting me just because i have cancer, especially when some of them were the ones behind the gi jane jokes. instead of doing something that would make them feel good about themselves, why not do something to make me feel good. like, oh, i don't know, driving me to my appointments now and then or helping around the apartment or cooking when i don't feel like hot pockets again. just something to make my routine a little easier while i deal with the chemo side affects. hell, even a lemonade stand will do because this is america and our healthcare system is a joke. this backfired and now many of my relatives, spearheaded by my aunt, are putting me on blast by calling me ungrateful. i should be happy to see that i have my whole family supporting me on my "battle" (barf) by doing this selfless act. they even went as far as to say that i was acting like a brat by saying they don't help out enough and what i'm asking for is too much. even though they have done diddly squat since i got my diagnosis. so now my family, except my sister and cousin, think i'm an entitled jerk who is using her cancer diagnosis to get more out of them. and maybe iata for how i handled this. i need a second opinion.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i think i'm in the right on this, but i've also been told i'm an abrasive asshole so maybe i should have handled this differently. i'm 25, female, and have cancer. i'm not going to die. we caught it early enough to know that i will survive this. chemo sucks, i'm already sick of the gi jane/natalie portman/imperator furiosa jokes after i shaved my head, but at least i can now smoke pot in a state that bans recreational marijuana use. the other night, i got phone calls from my sister and my cousin letting me know that our aunt, who is the most overzealous, narcissistic, self-absorbed woman we know, was planning on having the whole family show their support for my cancer diagnosis by getting everyone to shave their heads. personally, i always thought this stunt was really stupid. and my sister and cousin are against this for a number of reasons. my sister is a flight attendant and just got off furlough, so she doesn't want to jeopardize her job by showing up to work with a shaved head when her airline has a very strict dress code. my cousin is fourteen, has waist length red hair that makes her look like a ginger rapunzel, and is already dealing with self-esteem issues. her hair is the only thing she likes about herself, so shaving it off would destroy her mentally. they tried to talk my aunt of out it, but she wasn't budging. we think my aunt is doing this to get clout on social media, maybe even get an article in people. idk. like i said, she will make anything about her. so, without naming names, i made this post on facebook letting everyone in our family know that the jig is up. the gist was that i don't want to see anyone shaving their heads in the name of supporting me just because i have cancer, especially when some of them were the ones behind the gi jane jokes. instead of doing something that would make them feel good about themselves, why not do something to make me feel good. like, oh, i don't know, driving me to my appointments now and then or helping around the apartment or cooking when i don't feel like hot pockets again. just something to make my routine a little easier while i deal with the chemo side affects. hell, even a lemonade stand will do because this is america and our healthcare system is a joke. this backfired and now many of my relatives, spearheaded by my aunt, are putting me on blast by calling me ungrateful. i should be happy to see that i have my whole family supporting me on my "battle" (barf) by doing this selfless act. they even went as far as to say that i was acting like a brat by saying they don't help out enough and what i'm asking for is too much. even though they have done diddly squat since i got my diagnosis. so now my family, except my sister and cousin, think i'm an entitled jerk who is using her cancer diagnosis to get more out of them. and maybe iata for how i handled this. i need a second opinion. [/INST] nta you are the one with cancer. you are the one who needs the extra help, and guess what? forcing a 14!year old girl to shave her head is gonna do what? having you poor sister who just got her job back put that in jeopardy is going to do what exactly? play the cancer card. “i have cancer fuck off” </s>
AITA for ignoring my mom asking me to get involved with her new family after I got rich?	my mom left my dad when i was 17 (i’m 29 now) and had a new boyfriend literally straight away. we all suspected that she was cheating with this dude beforehand but there was never any proof and she even to this day refuses to admit it. she had 2 more kids with this guy. when my mom and dad broke up i moved out to live with my dad who had moved back in with his parents. the major reason for this was because she told me to leave as i kept fighting with her new dude. i really did not want to deal with a new guy in my moms life and i was really upset that she didn’t give a shit about how much pain my dad was in. when she told me to leave...something in me changed and i am still unable to forgive her. that solidified bc my 14 year old sister stayed with my mom for a year and then begged to come and live with my dad because she hated it so much at my moms place. and my sister and mom were close so for my sister to feel that way it must have been bad. since i was 18 my grandparents kept pushing me to start a business bc i like to tinker and had built a few specialised tools for a niche construction industry that my dad was in and they saw potential in me. they gave me a lot of money as an investment (actually they re mortgaged their house that’s much they believed in me) and basically, i majorly lucked out and managed to land some national contracts at 24 that turned into more than a few millions of dollars over a few months when the business boomed. the profit trajectory has risen since then and basically, i’m living a life i never thought would be for a shmuck like me. i moved my dad, sister, and grandparents out to the east coast a couple years back and we’ve started a new life. i am surrounded by people who see and saw the best in me and i’m grateful so much bc i was seriously messed up after my mom blew our family apart. for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. she is getting increasingly more insistent that i go visit her and her boyfriend and kids and keeps trying to guilt trip me because my sister has a much more privileged life now and my younger two half siblings don’t. she keeps telling me that ‘even if i don’t forgive her i should look out for the kids as they’re innocent in all this’ aita because day to day i have no interest in helping her or her family? imo she made her bed and she can lay in it but the guilt eats me alive sometimes. i just can’t forgive her though.	23,284	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bnr2gy/aita_for_ignoring_my_mom_asking_me_to_get/	2019-05-12 16:48:26	nta. >for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. your mom had no interest in a relationship with you until it would benefit her and her "new" family. if you want to set your half-siblings up with a college fund (that your mom can't touch), go for it. if not, don't, and quit feeling guilty about it. your mom made this mess and you have no obligation to her. you have no reason to feel guilty for your success.	nta. and wealth has nothing to do with this. she disconnected from you when you were young and apparently created a toxic environment for your sister--and now she wants to re-connect. frankly i wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole, because you already know how this will play out, right? she's looking at you to help her out of a life of her own making after shoving you away--so if only for your own sanity, i'd stay far away.	nta it's her job to look out for her kids. consider going no contact... she only wants your money.	nta it’s unfortunate for her other kids that they have her as a mother, but you can always advise her to support those kids like your dad and grandparents supported you if she wants them to be successful. i mean i understand that those kids are half siblings, but you weren’t raised with them. they are strangers to you. it would be no different than if you had been given up for adoption and later found your mom and half sibs. sharing dna does not make a family.	nta yea, your half siblings are innocent in all of this but you're not actively harming them. it's your money, you get to take care of who you want to take care of. if you don't feel enough of a connection with them to 'look out' for them in some way then you don't have to. it was your mother's responsibility to forge a bond between you and your half sibling, she failed at that. if anyone hurt innocents here it was her. she doesn't get to guilt you for hurting innocents when she's the one who caused harm. they're her kids it no one else's job to 'look out for them'.	nta. your mom sees an atm in you and she's hoping to be able to cash in on your success. don't feel guilty.	nta. congrats on your success. you do not owe her anything.	nta - you really shouldn't help out her and her family. and can we talk for a second about the whole, "the kids are innocent in all this" phrase that i've heard more than a few times on here? i feel like that phrase is being used to rationalize all kinds of bs. i see it being used in cases where somebody has no obligation to specific kids and is expected to give up a lot or turn their lives upside down for their benefit.	nta at all. congrats on having a family who believes in you and being successful in your career. that said, it’s your career, your money, and your closest family. you have no obligation to any of them (besides paying your grandparents back) and do everything because you want to, which is so lovely and kind. your half siblings live with their parents and by your account, aren’t starving or in need. you don’t need to do anything. enjoy your life and surround yourself by people who love and support you. i’d suggest having a script for when your mom starts in on this. something like ‘we’re not going to discuss finances or what you feel is unfair between the siblings. if you can’t agree to that, we can say goodbye today and chat another day.’ if she keeps going, hang up!! hold to the line!! it’ll feel rude but demanding someone else’s money is actually the rude thing.	nta. those are her children not yours. you owe nothing to them or her. she chose to have kids with her new man so she should expect to take care of them herself.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom left my dad when i was 17 (i’m 29 now) and had a new boyfriend literally straight away. we all suspected that she was cheating with this dude beforehand but there was never any proof and she even to this day refuses to admit it. she had 2 more kids with this guy. when my mom and dad broke up i moved out to live with my dad who had moved back in with his parents. the major reason for this was because she told me to leave as i kept fighting with her new dude. i really did not want to deal with a new guy in my moms life and i was really upset that she didn’t give a shit about how much pain my dad was in. when she told me to leave...something in me changed and i am still unable to forgive her. that solidified bc my 14 year old sister stayed with my mom for a year and then begged to come and live with my dad because she hated it so much at my moms place. and my sister and mom were close so for my sister to feel that way it must have been bad. since i was 18 my grandparents kept pushing me to start a business bc i like to tinker and had built a few specialised tools for a niche construction industry that my dad was in and they saw potential in me. they gave me a lot of money as an investment (actually they re mortgaged their house that’s much they believed in me) and basically, i majorly lucked out and managed to land some national contracts at 24 that turned into more than a few millions of dollars over a few months when the business boomed. the profit trajectory has risen since then and basically, i’m living a life i never thought would be for a shmuck like me. i moved my dad, sister, and grandparents out to the east coast a couple years back and we’ve started a new life. i am surrounded by people who see and saw the best in me and i’m grateful so much bc i was seriously messed up after my mom blew our family apart. for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. she is getting increasingly more insistent that i go visit her and her boyfriend and kids and keeps trying to guilt trip me because my sister has a much more privileged life now and my younger two half siblings don’t. she keeps telling me that ‘even if i don’t forgive her i should look out for the kids as they’re innocent in all this’ aita because day to day i have no interest in helping her or her family? imo she made her bed and she can lay in it but the guilt eats me alive sometimes. i just can’t forgive her though.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my mom left my dad when i was 17 (i’m 29 now) and had a new boyfriend literally straight away. we all suspected that she was cheating with this dude beforehand but there was never any proof and she even to this day refuses to admit it. she had 2 more kids with this guy. when my mom and dad broke up i moved out to live with my dad who had moved back in with his parents. the major reason for this was because she told me to leave as i kept fighting with her new dude. i really did not want to deal with a new guy in my moms life and i was really upset that she didn’t give a shit about how much pain my dad was in. when she told me to leave...something in me changed and i am still unable to forgive her. that solidified bc my 14 year old sister stayed with my mom for a year and then begged to come and live with my dad because she hated it so much at my moms place. and my sister and mom were close so for my sister to feel that way it must have been bad. since i was 18 my grandparents kept pushing me to start a business bc i like to tinker and had built a few specialised tools for a niche construction industry that my dad was in and they saw potential in me. they gave me a lot of money as an investment (actually they re mortgaged their house that’s much they believed in me) and basically, i majorly lucked out and managed to land some national contracts at 24 that turned into more than a few millions of dollars over a few months when the business boomed. the profit trajectory has risen since then and basically, i’m living a life i never thought would be for a shmuck like me. i moved my dad, sister, and grandparents out to the east coast a couple years back and we’ve started a new life. i am surrounded by people who see and saw the best in me and i’m grateful so much bc i was seriously messed up after my mom blew our family apart. for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. she is getting increasingly more insistent that i go visit her and her boyfriend and kids and keeps trying to guilt trip me because my sister has a much more privileged life now and my younger two half siblings don’t. she keeps telling me that ‘even if i don’t forgive her i should look out for the kids as they’re innocent in all this’ aita because day to day i have no interest in helping her or her family? imo she made her bed and she can lay in it but the guilt eats me alive sometimes. i just can’t forgive her though. [/INST] nta. >for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. your mom had no interest in a relationship with you until it would benefit her and her "new" family. if you want to set your half-siblings up with a college fund (that your mom can't touch), go for it. if not, don't, and quit feeling guilty about it. your mom made this mess and you have no obligation to her. you have no reason to feel guilty for your success. </s>
AITA: for my response when my boyfriend brought up the apartment purchaee/ownership infront of his family?	context: i (f29) have been with my boyfriend adam (m27) for 2 and a half years. he's the quiet/shy type. it's very hard to get him to open up about what bothers him. for now i'm the one with an income. we get along easily though he can be...a bit unreasonable sometimes.e.g he doesn't cook cause he's worried i won't like his food but still cooks for himself and the smell's pretty telling that he's cooking is good. another e,g and that is he doesn't do most chores saying he's worried he might break/damage something. it's frustrating but we're working on fixing it. now unto the more complicated issue... i'd put money aside since 2015 to buy an apartment and i'm finally able to get it done this year. when i told him this he got agitated and said i should wait a little longer til we're married, but i said no. he started complaining about how bad he feels about seeing me buy the apartment myself without having him contribute. i asked what i was supposed to do because...it kinda sounded like a "he problem" no offense but... he got so worked up and gave me 2 options...1. is i put his name on the title, 2. is not buy the apartment til marriage so it'll become "shared marital asset". i said no and that was final and he should drop it. he did eventually. at his family's house, i was taken aback when he started complaining about the apartment and again told me to either put his name on the title or wait til marriage to buy it, cause he feels like there's a "huge power imbalance" here, and that he can't bring himself to accept it. he also said that it makes him feel like he contributes nothing. i snapped and said "the reason you feel like you contribute nothing is because you literally contribute nothing and i suggest you fix that by actually finding a job and having a decent income". his family looked shocked, he glanced at me then got up and walked away. i waited for him to come back but had to go home cause his mom said he felt too overwhelmed and wanted some space. she then basically started shaming for my "statement" and hinted about financial abuse and control over her son. he's not home yet demanding another tall about the apartment probably expecting me to agree to one option. edit in case it matters: he has a disability that limits his job opportunities.	21,164	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w9c19e/aita_for_my_response_when_my_boyfriend_brought_up/	2022-07-27 11:17:51	nta 1. second paragraph sounds a lot like weaponised incompetence 2. he brought it up in front of family to get momma to back him 3. he sounds like a bit of a leech tbh 4. for what reason does he want his name on the title if he hasn't put money into it.	nta. have you heard the phrase "weaponized incompetence"? look it up. also it's a definite red flag with the apartment.	in summation: my unemployed boyfriend, who does no housework, refuses to cook (only for me, he will happily cook for himself!), and contributes nothing financially, expects me to give him half of my apartment. he wants this to be a marital asset because he wants to be able to take half of it freely when he walks away. girl, you are nta, but why are you even in this relationship?	nta. he doesn’t cook, clean, or have a job… why are you with him?	[removed]	nta this guy is a black hole, he just sucks everything in and gives nothing. you're close to being an ah for being with him and putting up with his nonsense. won't cook, clean or work? what are you doing? have some standards for yourself. don't put his name on anything, buy your apartment and think about this relationship.	nta he’s playing a con and he literally told you. he wants his name on the home or he wants you to marry him so he still legally gets the home as your husband. i suggest leaving before you purchase the home so he has no legal claim at all.	nta. first off, look up weaponized incompetence. your bf is manipulating you into managing anything he views as inconvenient. as for this particular event, your boyfriend gathered people he suspected would be on his side and ambushed you in a convo that you already had and ended, and then has the audacity to complain about power balances? is there anything this man does that isn't manipulative? keep moving forward with your life, and don't hesitate to leave him by the wayside as you do. he's only going to hold you back while leeching as much as he can in the process.	he’s not cooking, cleaning, or contributing financially. you’re his sugar daddy. nta for your statement but definitely ta if you expect he will change any time soon and if you marry him. it’s not a partnership. buy the apartment. move in alone.	yta for throwing your life away on a man who doesn't cook, clean or earn money. you're not a partnership, you're a successful young woman with a leach. don't you think you deserve more in life? why would you even contemplate marriage or sharing assets with someone who brings zilch to your life, unless you're basically paying for sex/companionship?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	0.031039	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context: i (f29) have been with my boyfriend adam (m27) for 2 and a half years. he's the quiet/shy type. it's very hard to get him to open up about what bothers him. for now i'm the one with an income. we get along easily though he can be...a bit unreasonable sometimes.e.g he doesn't cook cause he's worried i won't like his food but still cooks for himself and the smell's pretty telling that he's cooking is good. another e,g and that is he doesn't do most chores saying he's worried he might break/damage something. it's frustrating but we're working on fixing it. now unto the more complicated issue... i'd put money aside since 2015 to buy an apartment and i'm finally able to get it done this year. when i told him this he got agitated and said i should wait a little longer til we're married, but i said no. he started complaining about how bad he feels about seeing me buy the apartment myself without having him contribute. i asked what i was supposed to do because...it kinda sounded like a "he problem" no offense but... he got so worked up and gave me 2 options...1. is i put his name on the title, 2. is not buy the apartment til marriage so it'll become "shared marital asset". i said no and that was final and he should drop it. he did eventually. at his family's house, i was taken aback when he started complaining about the apartment and again told me to either put his name on the title or wait til marriage to buy it, cause he feels like there's a "huge power imbalance" here, and that he can't bring himself to accept it. he also said that it makes him feel like he contributes nothing. i snapped and said "the reason you feel like you contribute nothing is because you literally contribute nothing and i suggest you fix that by actually finding a job and having a decent income". his family looked shocked, he glanced at me then got up and walked away. i waited for him to come back but had to go home cause his mom said he felt too overwhelmed and wanted some space. she then basically started shaming for my "statement" and hinted about financial abuse and control over her son. he's not home yet demanding another tall about the apartment probably expecting me to agree to one option. edit in case it matters: he has a disability that limits his job opportunities.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> context: i (f29) have been with my boyfriend adam (m27) for 2 and a half years. he's the quiet/shy type. it's very hard to get him to open up about what bothers him. for now i'm the one with an income. we get along easily though he can be...a bit unreasonable sometimes.e.g he doesn't cook cause he's worried i won't like his food but still cooks for himself and the smell's pretty telling that he's cooking is good. another e,g and that is he doesn't do most chores saying he's worried he might break/damage something. it's frustrating but we're working on fixing it. now unto the more complicated issue... i'd put money aside since 2015 to buy an apartment and i'm finally able to get it done this year. when i told him this he got agitated and said i should wait a little longer til we're married, but i said no. he started complaining about how bad he feels about seeing me buy the apartment myself without having him contribute. i asked what i was supposed to do because...it kinda sounded like a "he problem" no offense but... he got so worked up and gave me 2 options...1. is i put his name on the title, 2. is not buy the apartment til marriage so it'll become "shared marital asset". i said no and that was final and he should drop it. he did eventually. at his family's house, i was taken aback when he started complaining about the apartment and again told me to either put his name on the title or wait til marriage to buy it, cause he feels like there's a "huge power imbalance" here, and that he can't bring himself to accept it. he also said that it makes him feel like he contributes nothing. i snapped and said "the reason you feel like you contribute nothing is because you literally contribute nothing and i suggest you fix that by actually finding a job and having a decent income". his family looked shocked, he glanced at me then got up and walked away. i waited for him to come back but had to go home cause his mom said he felt too overwhelmed and wanted some space. she then basically started shaming for my "statement" and hinted about financial abuse and control over her son. he's not home yet demanding another tall about the apartment probably expecting me to agree to one option. edit in case it matters: he has a disability that limits his job opportunities. [/INST] nta 1. second paragraph sounds a lot like weaponised incompetence 2. he brought it up in front of family to get momma to back him 3. he sounds like a bit of a leech tbh 4. for what reason does he want his name on the title if he hasn't put money into it. </s>
AITA for submitting an "inappropriate" naughty question at a couples' drinking game?	some background: i am a 29-year-old man. my wife is 24. every couple of weeks, we gather up with some friends on a skype call to chat and have some drinks. occasionally we'll play a game that has somewhat morphed over the years, which basically comes down to us thinking up the most outrageous questions and having to drink if we can't answer them. everybody puts questions into a pot and everybody answers (or drinks). in total, we played this game with six people this week. the other relevant people i'll call chuck and mary. after about an hour of drinking and talking, my question got selected at random. the question was "if you could sleep with someone other than your husband or wife, who would you pick?" chuck immediately looked at mary and clearly got pretty upset. the thing is mary had had an affair late last year, and they were working through it. i didn't exactly forget about this when i made the question, but the questions that we put into the hat are always no-holds-barred. we've had "have you ever had an sti" to "have you ever paid for sex" as questions. mary awkwardly chose to drink when it was her turn and soon after it, they made a lame excuse and logged off. apparently my question picked at a scab that had not fully healed. later that night, chuck sent me a really nasty message blaming me for the fight. i said it more looked like mary's fault considering she was the one who planted the damn landmine that we all have to consider now, and they're both really angry at me. my wife is super non-confrontational so i'm afraid that she's just agreeing with me to avoid what she's afraid may be an argument. i'd like a more neutral perspective. considering the context, did i push it too far?	3,811	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lswrtp/aita_for_submitting_an_inappropriate_naughty/	2021-02-26 12:30:40	yta. context matters. you knew their situation, and you absolutely knew that this question may make them uncomfortable and caught an argument or other similar outcomes. you chose to do that anyway. that absolutely makes you an asshole.	yta “i didn’t exactly forget about this when i made the question” seems like you planted this on purposed and then doubled down. look mary’s in the wrong for cheating but if they’re trying to work through it why pour salt into their wounds?	esh the question really isn't super inappropriate given the context of other questions asked. but, knowing a previous affair, maybe the question could have been worded better (i.e. what celebrity would you xyz, etc) to make it a little less realistic. but they are absolutely projecting onto you- she cheated, how is that a you problem? they could have handled it a lot better than it sounds like they did.	i’m finding it difficult to take you at face value here because my strong impression is that you put that question in on purpose just to f*ck with them.	yta. it is different to ask about past experiences like say an std, or being paid for sex, then to ask a question like this. you said it yourself you didn’t forget about this, and this question was not so good that it had to be asked.	yta. you hadn't forgotten. you are meant to be a grown ass man. have some decency and don't set your friends up to be hurt by opening an old wound. sounds like you did it to stir shit.	>the thing is mary had had an affair late last year, and they were working through it. i didn't exactly forget about this when i made the question, but the questions that we put into the hat are always no-holds-barred. so you knew that she had cheated and you chose to put that question in anyway? huge yta! games are supposed to be fun, not hurtful. you put your desire to be edgy over your friends' emotional well-being. honestly, what did you expect would happen?	yta "i said it more looked like mary's fault considering she was the one who planted the damn landmine that we all have to consider now..." do you mean the landmine that you purposely jumped on? the one where you were like "if you were going to cheat, who would you cheat with? mary, looking at you..."? ha! yeah, you know you're an asshole.	knowing the facts there was a 1/3 chance, that they will pick it up, so yta.	yta. holy hell have some kind of tact.	YTA	YTA	ESH	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.000485	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some background: i am a 29-year-old man. my wife is 24. every couple of weeks, we gather up with some friends on a skype call to chat and have some drinks. occasionally we'll play a game that has somewhat morphed over the years, which basically comes down to us thinking up the most outrageous questions and having to drink if we can't answer them. everybody puts questions into a pot and everybody answers (or drinks). in total, we played this game with six people this week. the other relevant people i'll call chuck and mary. after about an hour of drinking and talking, my question got selected at random. the question was "if you could sleep with someone other than your husband or wife, who would you pick?" chuck immediately looked at mary and clearly got pretty upset. the thing is mary had had an affair late last year, and they were working through it. i didn't exactly forget about this when i made the question, but the questions that we put into the hat are always no-holds-barred. we've had "have you ever had an sti" to "have you ever paid for sex" as questions. mary awkwardly chose to drink when it was her turn and soon after it, they made a lame excuse and logged off. apparently my question picked at a scab that had not fully healed. later that night, chuck sent me a really nasty message blaming me for the fight. i said it more looked like mary's fault considering she was the one who planted the damn landmine that we all have to consider now, and they're both really angry at me. my wife is super non-confrontational so i'm afraid that she's just agreeing with me to avoid what she's afraid may be an argument. i'd like a more neutral perspective. considering the context, did i push it too far?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> some background: i am a 29-year-old man. my wife is 24. every couple of weeks, we gather up with some friends on a skype call to chat and have some drinks. occasionally we'll play a game that has somewhat morphed over the years, which basically comes down to us thinking up the most outrageous questions and having to drink if we can't answer them. everybody puts questions into a pot and everybody answers (or drinks). in total, we played this game with six people this week. the other relevant people i'll call chuck and mary. after about an hour of drinking and talking, my question got selected at random. the question was "if you could sleep with someone other than your husband or wife, who would you pick?" chuck immediately looked at mary and clearly got pretty upset. the thing is mary had had an affair late last year, and they were working through it. i didn't exactly forget about this when i made the question, but the questions that we put into the hat are always no-holds-barred. we've had "have you ever had an sti" to "have you ever paid for sex" as questions. mary awkwardly chose to drink when it was her turn and soon after it, they made a lame excuse and logged off. apparently my question picked at a scab that had not fully healed. later that night, chuck sent me a really nasty message blaming me for the fight. i said it more looked like mary's fault considering she was the one who planted the damn landmine that we all have to consider now, and they're both really angry at me. my wife is super non-confrontational so i'm afraid that she's just agreeing with me to avoid what she's afraid may be an argument. i'd like a more neutral perspective. considering the context, did i push it too far? [/INST] yta. context matters. you knew their situation, and you absolutely knew that this question may make them uncomfortable and caught an argument or other similar outcomes. you chose to do that anyway. that absolutely makes you an asshole. </s>
AITA For not telling my brother, who was on his honeymoon, that our father died?	throwaway. this took place awhile ago but the fallout is still hot. my father had health problems for the last few years and he recently succumbed to them.. during this time my brother had gotten married and was on his honeymoon. i made the choice to be the one to inform my brother of the news. our mother died years ago, so i am the only one left in our family that's closest to him. i told any other distant family members to refrain from letting him know until i say it's okay. i decided in all fairness, that he should get to enjoy his honeymoon with his new wife, and i decided not to tell him until he gets back. we had a few gatherings and then the funeral happened. some people were wondering why my brother wasn't there and i explained the situation that he is on his honeymoon. a few people thought it was the right thing to let him enjoy it, others thought i should have told my brother, so i guess that is where the divide began. a few days after the funeral my brother came out and i quickly texted him that our father died. he almost immediately called me up and was freaking out, understandably. i expected he would be surprised, but he sounded flabbergasted as if our father had no health problems prior to his death. i told him that this was going to happen eventually. he asked when the funeral would be and i explained to him that we already had it and then he started screaming at me on the phone and cursing at me. i hung up on him until he could calm down. however since then, i have made repeated attempts to call him back but he has refused my calls. i understand he has the right to be mad but he should also understand i did it so he wouldn't be stressing over what would be a happy time in his life.	13,251	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g0qpwp/aita_for_not_telling_my_brother_who_was_on_his/	2020-04-13 20:16:12	yta. putting off telling him is one thing. having a funeral and not giving him the chance to attend is another. what you’ve done is terrible. you’ve taken away his only chance to say goodbye to his father. youre lucky if he ever forgives you.	yta if the timeline worked out in such a way where you could keep this from him, but he'd get back before the funeral, i'd probably let you slide. but making him miss the funeral is pretty much unforgivable.	yta. you didn't tell him until after the funeral? that's the most messed up part of this. not all funerals have to happen immediately.	undeniably yta. a honeymoon can be rescheduled, the funeral cannot. imagine all the love and support of friends and relatives, the stories shared, the comfort of family in a time of grief, the chance to have that last goodbye etc. you've stolen that from him and it can't be undone. if my siblings had done that to me i would be furious as well. what's more, you hung up on him, you made an awful decision and should have understood that a large part of the outburst was likely shock, grief and anger all combined.	yta. i am so appalled. you seriously made your brother miss your fathers funeral. you didn’t tell him that his father was dead. your intent may have been good, but these are not your decisions to make. he had a right to know as soon as everyone else did. he should’ve had the opportunity to mourn his dad with all of you. you took that away from him.	yta....holy shit are you the asshole. he missed his father's funeral because of you, this was not your choice to make. you made a decision on his behalf and now he will never have that closure. instead he now has the memory of his honeymoon tainted forever by the guilt and sadness of knowing that he was off enjoying himself when his father died. how could you possibly justify this to yourself?	yta. i thought you were talking about a matter of hours or maybe a day so he could finish up his trip, but you had the funeral? and you told him by text?! god, i hope you're a troll. if not i hope your brother cuts you off entirely, because you deserve it.	yta. if my sister unilaterally decided i didn't need to attend pud dad's funeral there would be no coming back from it. you aren't necessarily an ah for waiting until he was back to tell him about the death but you are absolutely an ah for holding the funeral without him there.	as a funeral director, i cannot explain how important it is for people psychologically to attend a funeral. it is an extremely pivotal point in a persons grieving process, often helping people out of the “denial and anger” stage and into the “acceptance” stage of grief. yta	man i rarely ever comment on this sub, but this is truly the most depraved thing i’ve ever heard here. serious question: do you experience difficulty with social interactions? you should see someone because this is not what regular human behavior is. oh and obviously yta.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway. this took place awhile ago but the fallout is still hot. my father had health problems for the last few years and he recently succumbed to them.. during this time my brother had gotten married and was on his honeymoon. i made the choice to be the one to inform my brother of the news. our mother died years ago, so i am the only one left in our family that's closest to him. i told any other distant family members to refrain from letting him know until i say it's okay. i decided in all fairness, that he should get to enjoy his honeymoon with his new wife, and i decided not to tell him until he gets back. we had a few gatherings and then the funeral happened. some people were wondering why my brother wasn't there and i explained the situation that he is on his honeymoon. a few people thought it was the right thing to let him enjoy it, others thought i should have told my brother, so i guess that is where the divide began. a few days after the funeral my brother came out and i quickly texted him that our father died. he almost immediately called me up and was freaking out, understandably. i expected he would be surprised, but he sounded flabbergasted as if our father had no health problems prior to his death. i told him that this was going to happen eventually. he asked when the funeral would be and i explained to him that we already had it and then he started screaming at me on the phone and cursing at me. i hung up on him until he could calm down. however since then, i have made repeated attempts to call him back but he has refused my calls. i understand he has the right to be mad but he should also understand i did it so he wouldn't be stressing over what would be a happy time in his life.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway. this took place awhile ago but the fallout is still hot. my father had health problems for the last few years and he recently succumbed to them.. during this time my brother had gotten married and was on his honeymoon. i made the choice to be the one to inform my brother of the news. our mother died years ago, so i am the only one left in our family that's closest to him. i told any other distant family members to refrain from letting him know until i say it's okay. i decided in all fairness, that he should get to enjoy his honeymoon with his new wife, and i decided not to tell him until he gets back. we had a few gatherings and then the funeral happened. some people were wondering why my brother wasn't there and i explained the situation that he is on his honeymoon. a few people thought it was the right thing to let him enjoy it, others thought i should have told my brother, so i guess that is where the divide began. a few days after the funeral my brother came out and i quickly texted him that our father died. he almost immediately called me up and was freaking out, understandably. i expected he would be surprised, but he sounded flabbergasted as if our father had no health problems prior to his death. i told him that this was going to happen eventually. he asked when the funeral would be and i explained to him that we already had it and then he started screaming at me on the phone and cursing at me. i hung up on him until he could calm down. however since then, i have made repeated attempts to call him back but he has refused my calls. i understand he has the right to be mad but he should also understand i did it so he wouldn't be stressing over what would be a happy time in his life. [/INST] yta. putting off telling him is one thing. having a funeral and not giving him the chance to attend is another. what you’ve done is terrible. you’ve taken away his only chance to say goodbye to his father. youre lucky if he ever forgives you. </s>
AITA for taking away my daughter's thanksgiving present because she refused to eat what my wife cooked?	hello. i'm (40s) a father of 2 kids (son 14 and daughter 16). i recently got married to my wife molly who is a great cook and she has been cooking for me and the kids in the past few months. however my daughter doesn't like all the meals molly cooks and sometimes cooks her own dinners. molly as a result would get hurt thinking her food isn't good enough. she confined in me about how much it bothers her to see my daughter decline her food and cook by herself. i've talked to my daughter to address the issue and she said she appreciates molly's cooking but naturally can not be expected to eat everything she cooks. i asked her to be more considerate and try to take a few bites here and there whenever molly cooks to avoid conflict since she's very sensitive. my daughter just noded and i thought that was the end of it. last night i got home from a dinner meeting with few co workers and found molly arguing with my daughter. i asked what's going on and molly told me my daughter said no to dinner she cooked and went into the kitchen to prepare her own dinner as if molly's food was less then. i asked my daughter to come out the kitchen and please sit at the table and eat at least some of her stepmom cooked but she refused saying she's old enough not to eat food she doesn't like and pretend to like it just like i wanted her to, to appease her stepmom. i told her she was acting rude and had her turn the oven off and told her no cooking for her tonight and asked her to go to her room to think about this encounter then come back to talk but she started arguing that is when i punished her by taking away her thanksgiving gift that her mom left with me (we both paid for it) and she started crying saying it was too much and that she didn't understand why she was being punished. again, i asked her to go to her room to cool off but she called my inlaws (her uncle and aunt) who picked a huge argument with me over the phone saying my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter but molly explained she just wants to make sure my daughter eats well and that she cares otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad. my inlaws told me to back out of the punishment but in my opinion this was more than an issue about dinner and i refused to let them intervene and hung up. my daughter has been completely silent and refuses to come downstairs. to clarify the gift which is an iphone was supposed to be for my daughter's birthday 2 months ago but due to circumstances we couldn't celebrate nor have time to get her a gift so her mom wanted her to have it on thanksgiving.	11,928	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qyh899/aita_for_taking_away_my_daughters_thanksgiving/	2021-11-20 23:07:28	yta. your in-laws had it spot on: >my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter your daughter's done nothing to warrant having her gift taken away, but a+++ effort to your new wife for attempting to stick a wedge between you and your child (and a+++ effort to you for not noticing).	yta. as is molly. your daughter doesn't always like molly's food and that's reasonable. it's not about it being "less than" it's about personal preferences - respect that your child is now old enough to have and act on their own food preferences. > molly explained she just wants to make sure my daughter eats well and that she cares otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad. that's a bs excuse. if it was about a balanced diet it wouldn't matter if the daughter was cooking - the discussion would be about healthy things your daughter could cook instead.	yta. if she is cooking her own food she likes better, who cares? your new wife sounds like a control freak. it is about more than dinner: you brought a new wife into the house and suddenly she gets to control what your nearly-adult daughter eats?! it would be different if your daughter demanded fast food, but if she is cooking for herself you and your wife do need to get over yourselves.	yta and you had better be careful you don’t completely destroy your relationship with your daughter over something so petty. tell your wife to grow tf up.	yta. your daughter is right. she’s old enough to make her own decisions regarding food and it doesn’t sound like she’s eating unhealthily. your wife is taking it way too personally.	yta as that gift was not only from you but her mother as well. why is it such a big deal that she eat everything your wife cooks? sounds like something else is going on here. is your daughter a kind, thoughtful person to her stepmom? is your wife a kind and thoughtful person to your daughter?	yta. 16 is old enough to make decisions about food. your daughter was behaving like an adult by providing her own alternative. that your wife is offended is her own problem.	yta- it's not like your daughter was asking molly to cook something different. also your daughter has a right now to like something and it's self efficient enough to cook for herself. also molly is being too sensitive to this situation. also who gives thanksgiving gifts??	yta, clearly. your daughter doesn't like certain foods and unsurprisingly isn't going to start liking them just because molly cooks them. i don't like carrots, no matter how amazing the cook is, i'm not going to like carrots. i struggle to keep them down. so if i were to eat at your place and molly (chef of legends that she apparently is) makes a meal with carrots, would you boot me out for not eating the carrots that i can't keep down because i can't stomach them? no, of course you wouldn't. you wouldn't treat me like a piece of dirt on your boot heel so why are you treating your own daughter like that? molly can be hurt about the non-consumption of carrots all she wants, it makes her look bad and it makes you look worse. so much worse that you decided a punishment for your daugher because she doesn't like certain foods. do you want her to have an eating disorder? do you think denying a human sustenance and then taking gifts away from them is a good idea? are you running a home or a fecking nightmare prison? please suck less and apologise to your daugher and see her as a human being that has actual taste buds like all other humans do.	yta and are laying the foundation for your daughter to genuinely hate and resent molly. you already wrote that this is about molly feeling rejected and having her feelings hurt ...then molly went and changed her bs story to something more palatable like parental concern over your daughter not eating well enough. your daughter does eat your wife's cooking. she just doesn't eat it all the time. this is 100% about appeasing molly who is supposed to be an adult, rather than explaining to her that your daughter cooking on her own sometimes is perfectly normal, healthy and actually a sign of her being responsible at 16. but molly and you keep pressing the issue. have a gander at the 1000x's of posts on here about stepmother- stepchild relations. in the majority of cases the kids cut contact with their bio parent for prioritizing their relationship with the spouse over the kids. then you get "stepmom's not invited to graduations, weddings, birth of grandchildren" etc. maybe consider if that's the route you want to take in future, missing all those milestones because your wife couldn't understand simple boundaries.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello. i'm (40s) a father of 2 kids (son 14 and daughter 16). i recently got married to my wife molly who is a great cook and she has been cooking for me and the kids in the past few months. however my daughter doesn't like all the meals molly cooks and sometimes cooks her own dinners. molly as a result would get hurt thinking her food isn't good enough. she confined in me about how much it bothers her to see my daughter decline her food and cook by herself. i've talked to my daughter to address the issue and she said she appreciates molly's cooking but naturally can not be expected to eat everything she cooks. i asked her to be more considerate and try to take a few bites here and there whenever molly cooks to avoid conflict since she's very sensitive. my daughter just noded and i thought that was the end of it. last night i got home from a dinner meeting with few co workers and found molly arguing with my daughter. i asked what's going on and molly told me my daughter said no to dinner she cooked and went into the kitchen to prepare her own dinner as if molly's food was less then. i asked my daughter to come out the kitchen and please sit at the table and eat at least some of her stepmom cooked but she refused saying she's old enough not to eat food she doesn't like and pretend to like it just like i wanted her to, to appease her stepmom. i told her she was acting rude and had her turn the oven off and told her no cooking for her tonight and asked her to go to her room to think about this encounter then come back to talk but she started arguing that is when i punished her by taking away her thanksgiving gift that her mom left with me (we both paid for it) and she started crying saying it was too much and that she didn't understand why she was being punished. again, i asked her to go to her room to cool off but she called my inlaws (her uncle and aunt) who picked a huge argument with me over the phone saying my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter but molly explained she just wants to make sure my daughter eats well and that she cares otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad. my inlaws told me to back out of the punishment but in my opinion this was more than an issue about dinner and i refused to let them intervene and hung up. my daughter has been completely silent and refuses to come downstairs. to clarify the gift which is an iphone was supposed to be for my daughter's birthday 2 months ago but due to circumstances we couldn't celebrate nor have time to get her a gift so her mom wanted her to have it on thanksgiving.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hello. i'm (40s) a father of 2 kids (son 14 and daughter 16). i recently got married to my wife molly who is a great cook and she has been cooking for me and the kids in the past few months. however my daughter doesn't like all the meals molly cooks and sometimes cooks her own dinners. molly as a result would get hurt thinking her food isn't good enough. she confined in me about how much it bothers her to see my daughter decline her food and cook by herself. i've talked to my daughter to address the issue and she said she appreciates molly's cooking but naturally can not be expected to eat everything she cooks. i asked her to be more considerate and try to take a few bites here and there whenever molly cooks to avoid conflict since she's very sensitive. my daughter just noded and i thought that was the end of it. last night i got home from a dinner meeting with few co workers and found molly arguing with my daughter. i asked what's going on and molly told me my daughter said no to dinner she cooked and went into the kitchen to prepare her own dinner as if molly's food was less then. i asked my daughter to come out the kitchen and please sit at the table and eat at least some of her stepmom cooked but she refused saying she's old enough not to eat food she doesn't like and pretend to like it just like i wanted her to, to appease her stepmom. i told her she was acting rude and had her turn the oven off and told her no cooking for her tonight and asked her to go to her room to think about this encounter then come back to talk but she started arguing that is when i punished her by taking away her thanksgiving gift that her mom left with me (we both paid for it) and she started crying saying it was too much and that she didn't understand why she was being punished. again, i asked her to go to her room to cool off but she called my inlaws (her uncle and aunt) who picked a huge argument with me over the phone saying my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter but molly explained she just wants to make sure my daughter eats well and that she cares otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad. my inlaws told me to back out of the punishment but in my opinion this was more than an issue about dinner and i refused to let them intervene and hung up. my daughter has been completely silent and refuses to come downstairs. to clarify the gift which is an iphone was supposed to be for my daughter's birthday 2 months ago but due to circumstances we couldn't celebrate nor have time to get her a gift so her mom wanted her to have it on thanksgiving. [/INST] yta. your in-laws had it spot on: >my daughter is old enough to cook her own meals and my wife should get over herself and stop picking on my daughter your daughter's done nothing to warrant having her gift taken away, but a+++ effort to your new wife for attempting to stick a wedge between you and your child (and a+++ effort to you for not noticing). </s>
AITA for telling my mom to not have any more kids?	i(16f) live with my parents and 11 siblings. i'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1. we live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy. my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch tv. true, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that i don't really get to be a teenager. last night, after my mom told me to but j+a(3) to bed, i told her to do it herself as i need to study. she said that it is my responsibility as an older child. i lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life. aita? tl;dr my mom has 12 kids and wants 15, and i lost my temper and said that she shouldn’t have any more because she can’t take care of all of them as it is.	25,078	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g95klk/aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_not_have_any_more_kids/	2020-04-27 17:47:50	nta. her "dream" is only doable with you and the other older kids acting as secondary parents. you need to put your foot down and refuse to take on that role; maybe then, she will realize her dream is not only not doable, but is affecting the quality of life of the kids she already has.	nta, your parents want 15 kids in a 4 bedroom house? what the fuck?	nta. making older children take on a parental role is abuse. i'm so sorry. i hope you're able to get out of there soon.	nta - so what’s your plan when you’re an adult? in your case i’d say that at 16 i think it’s important to start a plan for getting out of there and doing your own thing.	nta. i'm the 1st of 10. basically raised 6 kids myself before graduating high school, all while trying to pass my ap exams and get into a good college. you're nta. and remember that when you leave that place, you don't owe those people anything. no more of that "your responsibility as the oldest" bullshit.	nta. fifteen? that’s an oddly specific number. tell her 12 is better. it’s divisible by 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, and 12 and if humans didn’t have 10 fingers you bet we’d be counting to 12 instead of 10 because what’s 1/3 of 10? nothing as nice as 4. the number theoretic advantages of 12 over 15 are off the charts. serious. that weird numerical obsession of hers is a disservice to real life human beings. she needs to get over herself.	nta. your parents are being selfish.	is it legal to have so many kids with so few bedrooms? i thought there was some kind of minimum standard, and i wouldn’t have thought 4 kids per room would meet it, especially if they’re mixed sex. but i may be thinking of foster situations.	nta, 11 kids?!! what is this the apocalypse and they’re trying to repopulate the earth? i suggest you get out of there once you’re 18. i also suggest you keep an eye on your siblings, if things get bad you can always call cps if your younger siblings are being neglected.	nta- it is your parents job to parent and its your job to be a kid. yes, you can help out bc you have a large family, but it does not mean for you to do basically all the parenting. op, if possible, once this coronavirus restrictions end, i would try to be out of the house as much as possible-ie- your job, library, etc. info- 1)what does your dad say to this? 2) have you ever told your parents how you feel? also, have any of your older siblings and the ones that take on responsibility for the younger kids said anything to your parents as a whole? i think its important you sit them down and explain to them (bonus points if your siblings who are impacted join in) what the implications are and what will happen when you guys are off to college and being adults.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(16f) live with my parents and 11 siblings. i'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1. we live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy. my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch tv. true, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that i don't really get to be a teenager. last night, after my mom told me to but j+a(3) to bed, i told her to do it herself as i need to study. she said that it is my responsibility as an older child. i lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life. aita? tl;dr my mom has 12 kids and wants 15, and i lost my temper and said that she shouldn’t have any more because she can’t take care of all of them as it is.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i(16f) live with my parents and 11 siblings. i'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1. we live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy. my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch tv. true, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that i don't really get to be a teenager. last night, after my mom told me to but j+a(3) to bed, i told her to do it herself as i need to study. she said that it is my responsibility as an older child. i lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life. aita? tl;dr my mom has 12 kids and wants 15, and i lost my temper and said that she shouldn’t have any more because she can’t take care of all of them as it is. [/INST] nta. her "dream" is only doable with you and the other older kids acting as secondary parents. you need to put your foot down and refuse to take on that role; maybe then, she will realize her dream is not only not doable, but is affecting the quality of life of the kids she already has. </s>
WIBTA for asking my ex's daughter to stop calling me "dad"?	i was with my ex for seven years. at the time she had a 2-year old, and when we split, her daughter was 9 years old. she called me dad pretty quickly, plus we all lived together. i thought we'd become a family proper through marriage eventually but obviously things didn't pan out and we split. it was amicable and we're still friends. her daughter is 14 now and still calls me dad. my ex hasn't started dating again but i'm engaged to my soon-to-be-wife. we all get along but my fiancee doesn't like that kiddo calls me dad. i'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise, but i was a father figure for seven years (and even beyond this, i still kept involved in her life). my fiancee wants me to put the kibosh on this because it makes her uncomfortable. we want to start a family of our own soon and my fiancee wants my undivided attention on our child. i can see her point and where she's coming from although i'm indifferent to the whole dad situation: if she calls me dad, whatever, and if she doesn't, then also whatever. i'm not her dad but it's ultimately not up to me or my ex or my fiancee what she calls me, it's up to her. but i must relent to my fiancee's wishes because my family should be prioritized, right? i'm going to have a sitdown with my ex and her daughter and split ties to focus on my own family. but would i be the arsehole? i'd still maintain contact because i'm very much still connected to my ex and her daughter, i just want the "dad" to stop to avoid friction with my eventual wife.	27,341	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/btnxdy/wibta_for_asking_my_exs_daughter_to_stop_calling/	2019-05-27 16:21:29	yta - you're the only father she's ever known but you're going to cut ties and tell her to stop calling you dad because it makes your fiance uncomfortable...i mean technically you don't owe her anything since you're not her father but god damn that is cold.	your fiancée is the asshole. it sounds like you’re as much of a dad to that girl as you would be if you were her biological father. tell your fiancée to accept that you had a life before her and that she needs to accept that. ————	ywbta. i'll throw in that any woman who begrudges a child her known father figure, is not someone i'd want to marry or have children with. but that's just me.	yta wow can't believe i just read that. you say that you're indifferent as if that's a defence- you have to realise that not only are you stating that you're indifferent to your fiancee asking you to cut ties, but that you're also indifferent to the feelings and emotions of this 14 year old girl who clearly loves and cares about you. look at this from this girls perspective. she does not remember the first two years of her life. from her first memories, you are literally her father. whether or not you feel the same way, you absolutely have to respect her feelings there. the lack of consideration and empathy this move would demonstrate towards this girl is shocking. please please please don't be the asshole here.	[removed]	yta she's called you dad for 12 years, it would be a slap in the face to ask her to stop. you can have a family and devote yourself wholly to it while you still act as a mentor and father figure to this girl.	as a woman who was rejected by her non-biological-father-figure and is still in therapy because of it, let me say yta.	yta, you are her dad. you raised her for 7 years.	your fiancee is the asshole, and you'll be one too if you go along with her. &#x200b; >i'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise &#x200b; the "otherwise" part is simply not true. you're apparently the only father she's ever known, your intention was to make it official, and you kept the relationship after splitting from her mom. do you really have that small an attachment to the little girl you raised?	yta. thus child has known you as her dad since she’s been 2 years old. i don’t like what it says about your fiancées character that she wants you to abandon her. love isn’t a finite resource.	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was with my ex for seven years. at the time she had a 2-year old, and when we split, her daughter was 9 years old. she called me dad pretty quickly, plus we all lived together. i thought we'd become a family proper through marriage eventually but obviously things didn't pan out and we split. it was amicable and we're still friends. her daughter is 14 now and still calls me dad. my ex hasn't started dating again but i'm engaged to my soon-to-be-wife. we all get along but my fiancee doesn't like that kiddo calls me dad. i'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise, but i was a father figure for seven years (and even beyond this, i still kept involved in her life). my fiancee wants me to put the kibosh on this because it makes her uncomfortable. we want to start a family of our own soon and my fiancee wants my undivided attention on our child. i can see her point and where she's coming from although i'm indifferent to the whole dad situation: if she calls me dad, whatever, and if she doesn't, then also whatever. i'm not her dad but it's ultimately not up to me or my ex or my fiancee what she calls me, it's up to her. but i must relent to my fiancee's wishes because my family should be prioritized, right? i'm going to have a sitdown with my ex and her daughter and split ties to focus on my own family. but would i be the arsehole? i'd still maintain contact because i'm very much still connected to my ex and her daughter, i just want the "dad" to stop to avoid friction with my eventual wife.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i was with my ex for seven years. at the time she had a 2-year old, and when we split, her daughter was 9 years old. she called me dad pretty quickly, plus we all lived together. i thought we'd become a family proper through marriage eventually but obviously things didn't pan out and we split. it was amicable and we're still friends. her daughter is 14 now and still calls me dad. my ex hasn't started dating again but i'm engaged to my soon-to-be-wife. we all get along but my fiancee doesn't like that kiddo calls me dad. i'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise, but i was a father figure for seven years (and even beyond this, i still kept involved in her life). my fiancee wants me to put the kibosh on this because it makes her uncomfortable. we want to start a family of our own soon and my fiancee wants my undivided attention on our child. i can see her point and where she's coming from although i'm indifferent to the whole dad situation: if she calls me dad, whatever, and if she doesn't, then also whatever. i'm not her dad but it's ultimately not up to me or my ex or my fiancee what she calls me, it's up to her. but i must relent to my fiancee's wishes because my family should be prioritized, right? i'm going to have a sitdown with my ex and her daughter and split ties to focus on my own family. but would i be the arsehole? i'd still maintain contact because i'm very much still connected to my ex and her daughter, i just want the "dad" to stop to avoid friction with my eventual wife. [/INST] yta - you're the only father she's ever known but you're going to cut ties and tell her to stop calling you dad because it makes your fiance uncomfortable...i mean technically you don't owe her anything since you're not her father but god damn that is cold. </s>
AITA for not joining in on my town’s search party for a missing 18 year old girl even though it got me a school suspension?	i used to be very close friends with this girl, we’re more of acquaintances now but we still stay in touch sometimes. her mom reported her as a missing person all over town and on the town’s community pages of facebook, the police post included that she’s not been seen since she left voluntarily from her mother’s residence. i texted her asking if she’s seen the news, and apparently she hasn’t. i told her about how she’s been reported as a missing person and that everyone is looking for you. she said that she cut contact with her mom and has her own apartment now, and that she made it clear to her mom that she was leaving. i told her that we should let the police know that you’re safe so they can call off the search. the next day or so after getting that information from my friend, we went to the police station to call off the search party since it was a mistake that she was missing. she explained to them about how she moved away from her mom so she was never actually missing. later that day i saw some update posts from the police on facebook and some other posts that she was discovered to be safe and that there was some confusion about whether she was actually missing or not. well, people in the comments got upset that she wasn’t brought back home to her mom, so now they’re all doing their own individual search party to look for this 18 year old girl. i told everyone in the comments that i know her and that she made it clear to her mom that she was moving out, and that i saw her at her apartment the other day perfectly fine. then i got a bunch of comments coming back at me saying i should be ashamed of myself and that a child her age is not capable of being out on their own and that i should give them her apartment address. what are they gonna do, break down her door? even at school staff have been saying things to me here and there about how i should knock some sense into my friend (my friend and i are still in high school), i think it’s weird they’re all talking to me behind her back as if she doesn’t know what she’s doing. and then another thing is that her mom posted a comment under the police report saying “just to give some advice to parents out there- please, please, please keep some sort of tracking device on your kids’ phones that will track them even if the phone is turned off. i wish to god i would’ve done one on ____”, even though her daughter left willingly. i told everyone that but i got more replies of “you don’t know if she really did, someone could’ve influenced her to leave her mom”. it gets worse, i got an in-school suspension (a suspension that lasts 2-3 days but i stay in a reflection room all day long) because i was “helping/encouraging” a runaway. how does that even relate to what i do in school? her being away from home doesn’t have anything to do with me other than i’m friends with her and know about her situation and respect her decisions. i’m still not going to give anything up because i believe i’m not in the wrong here but now everyone is against me. they’re not being helpful either because the school principals keep pulling her out of class to talk to her. *** because a lot of people asked; i live in the us.	19,735	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kufl2k/aita_for_not_joining_in_on_my_towns_search_party/	2021-01-10 14:42:01	nta. you should challenge the suspension with your school and the school board. you can call lawyers to ask for advice. you may find one willing to give a free consultation. your friend is an adult and unless there are laws where you live that give guardianship of 18 year olds who are still in high school to their parents, no one has any business telling your friend where to live.	definitely nta. i don't understand how everyone is somehow blaming you? you literally helped more than anyone else in this story, you located the girl > made sure she was safe > realized that she hadn't been missing > then you both informed the police so they could let everyone know that the girl wasn't missing after all and is safe .... to me it sounds like the girl's parents are overly controlling and have convinced their friends/school staff of a different story, one where you're helping hide a runaway. as far as the suspension, i'd contact your school board immediately regarding that because there's so much wrong with that, that i barely know where to start.... first off, even if their accusations were true that you were encouraging a runaway (which clearly isn't the case), you can't be punished for things that both happen outside of the school property and doesn't have any effect on the school. second, you can't be suspended for the actions of another student, plain and simple. they can get in legal trouble for this, so if they want to get all huffy about that, a quick mention that you'll get a free consultation with a lawyer and run it by them, should shut the school staff up. third, since they gave you a suspension for "encouraging a runaway", that's going to be permanently noted on your record. that right there is both slander and deformation of character, both illegal and can have some serious consequences for the school and the staff that put that on record. basically not only are you not the asshole, but you also have a fairly solid case for legal action to be taking against the school and the staff that are (as far as the law would see it) harassing you. i will say i'm no lawyer, but i do have a few family members who are lawyers, so i'm somewhat familiar with how things work and yeah i can say for sure a lawyer would love to have this case because it's what they'd call "an open and shut case", meaning very easy to win.	nta. unless this girl has reduced mental capability, she's not a child any more. she's an adult, and doesn't need protected or rescued.	wtf did i just read??? when did we stop counting 18 yr olds as adults that can make their own decisions? i moved out at 17 and never looked back. you're nta for protecting your friend and her wishes.	you need to report the mass, coordinated stalking to the police. they need to put a stop to this. she is in her legal rights to leave home and what all these people are doing is stalking and harassment and is illegal. it also appears that they’re intentions are to force her back to her mothers home, so they’re openly planning a kidnapping	nta but also info: what kind of a community is this? a "whole" town, including the school (!!), undermining the rights of a legal adult and punishing those who try to assist her? are there cultural/religious practices at play here? has your friend dealt with mental issues, so people fear for her safety? i'm just trying to wrap my head around this...	nta she’s 18 and legally an adult. she could run away without a place to go and it’s still legal. she can choose to live on the streets if she wants. no one can say or do anything.	nta. you are correct - this has absolutely nothing to do with school. as far as you standing up for your friend: i guess this falls under no deed goes unpunished. i suspect you have a case against your school’s administration. you might want to talk to a lawyer. it might not get you out of your suspension now, but it might make them think twice if a similar situation comes up in the future, so you would be protecting a future student. also, your friend is 18 and legally an adult, so she has every right to move out and live on her own.	op is nta. she sounds like a good friend who is helping her out of an abusive home situation. however, i would think eventually the missing girl would have to report to school for classes, right? otherwise, she’d be considered truant.	nta. she's legally an adult and she has rights. you two did all you need to do by contacting the police and letting them know she's safe. though, at this point it may be wise to contact the police again and let them know about the search party for the not-so-missing girl and the threats you're recieving for not revealing her location. it may also be worth looking into services and charities that support young adults who need to live on their on for whatever reason.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i used to be very close friends with this girl, we’re more of acquaintances now but we still stay in touch sometimes. her mom reported her as a missing person all over town and on the town’s community pages of facebook, the police post included that she’s not been seen since she left voluntarily from her mother’s residence. i texted her asking if she’s seen the news, and apparently she hasn’t. i told her about how she’s been reported as a missing person and that everyone is looking for you. she said that she cut contact with her mom and has her own apartment now, and that she made it clear to her mom that she was leaving. i told her that we should let the police know that you’re safe so they can call off the search. the next day or so after getting that information from my friend, we went to the police station to call off the search party since it was a mistake that she was missing. she explained to them about how she moved away from her mom so she was never actually missing. later that day i saw some update posts from the police on facebook and some other posts that she was discovered to be safe and that there was some confusion about whether she was actually missing or not. well, people in the comments got upset that she wasn’t brought back home to her mom, so now they’re all doing their own individual search party to look for this 18 year old girl. i told everyone in the comments that i know her and that she made it clear to her mom that she was moving out, and that i saw her at her apartment the other day perfectly fine. then i got a bunch of comments coming back at me saying i should be ashamed of myself and that a child her age is not capable of being out on their own and that i should give them her apartment address. what are they gonna do, break down her door? even at school staff have been saying things to me here and there about how i should knock some sense into my friend (my friend and i are still in high school), i think it’s weird they’re all talking to me behind her back as if she doesn’t know what she’s doing. and then another thing is that her mom posted a comment under the police report saying “just to give some advice to parents out there- please, please, please keep some sort of tracking device on your kids’ phones that will track them even if the phone is turned off. i wish to god i would’ve done one on ____”, even though her daughter left willingly. i told everyone that but i got more replies of “you don’t know if she really did, someone could’ve influenced her to leave her mom”. it gets worse, i got an in-school suspension (a suspension that lasts 2-3 days but i stay in a reflection room all day long) because i was “helping/encouraging” a runaway. how does that even relate to what i do in school? her being away from home doesn’t have anything to do with me other than i’m friends with her and know about her situation and respect her decisions. i’m still not going to give anything up because i believe i’m not in the wrong here but now everyone is against me. they’re not being helpful either because the school principals keep pulling her out of class to talk to her. *** because a lot of people asked; i live in the us.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i used to be very close friends with this girl, we’re more of acquaintances now but we still stay in touch sometimes. her mom reported her as a missing person all over town and on the town’s community pages of facebook, the police post included that she’s not been seen since she left voluntarily from her mother’s residence. i texted her asking if she’s seen the news, and apparently she hasn’t. i told her about how she’s been reported as a missing person and that everyone is looking for you. she said that she cut contact with her mom and has her own apartment now, and that she made it clear to her mom that she was leaving. i told her that we should let the police know that you’re safe so they can call off the search. the next day or so after getting that information from my friend, we went to the police station to call off the search party since it was a mistake that she was missing. she explained to them about how she moved away from her mom so she was never actually missing. later that day i saw some update posts from the police on facebook and some other posts that she was discovered to be safe and that there was some confusion about whether she was actually missing or not. well, people in the comments got upset that she wasn’t brought back home to her mom, so now they’re all doing their own individual search party to look for this 18 year old girl. i told everyone in the comments that i know her and that she made it clear to her mom that she was moving out, and that i saw her at her apartment the other day perfectly fine. then i got a bunch of comments coming back at me saying i should be ashamed of myself and that a child her age is not capable of being out on their own and that i should give them her apartment address. what are they gonna do, break down her door? even at school staff have been saying things to me here and there about how i should knock some sense into my friend (my friend and i are still in high school), i think it’s weird they’re all talking to me behind her back as if she doesn’t know what she’s doing. and then another thing is that her mom posted a comment under the police report saying “just to give some advice to parents out there- please, please, please keep some sort of tracking device on your kids’ phones that will track them even if the phone is turned off. i wish to god i would’ve done one on ____”, even though her daughter left willingly. i told everyone that but i got more replies of “you don’t know if she really did, someone could’ve influenced her to leave her mom”. it gets worse, i got an in-school suspension (a suspension that lasts 2-3 days but i stay in a reflection room all day long) because i was “helping/encouraging” a runaway. how does that even relate to what i do in school? her being away from home doesn’t have anything to do with me other than i’m friends with her and know about her situation and respect her decisions. i’m still not going to give anything up because i believe i’m not in the wrong here but now everyone is against me. they’re not being helpful either because the school principals keep pulling her out of class to talk to her. *** because a lot of people asked; i live in the us. [/INST] nta. you should challenge the suspension with your school and the school board. you can call lawyers to ask for advice. you may find one willing to give a free consultation. your friend is an adult and unless there are laws where you live that give guardianship of 18 year olds who are still in high school to their parents, no one has any business telling your friend where to live. </s>
AITA for going to my dad's funeral against his widow's wishes?	so i'm the product of an affair. my dad's wife forgave him for getting my mom pregnant on the condition that she and their kids never have to see me or hear about me, and he couldn't see my mom. even so, my dad was involved in my life right up until he died, and we were very close. after he died i contacted some of his family members (not his wife or kids, i didn't want to upset them) to ask if it would be ok for me to go to the funeral, and i just didn't get any replies. i ended up deciding that since i've never met his wife or kids or most of his family they wouldn't even recognize me so i could just quietly be at the back and not bother anyone. turns out his wife did recognize me (i don't know how) and she interrupted the service to drag me out of the building and yell at me for being there, and then when i tried to leave she followed me to my mom's car to yell at her. now i'm embarrassed and guilty that i upset her and caused drama at the funeral and dragged my mom into it. my mom says i didn't do anything wrong cos i couldn't of known my dad's wife would know what i look like, but i'm not sure if she's just trying to make me feel better. i just wanted to say bye to my dad, i wasn't trying to cause any trouble. aita?	18,082	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qv7ck9/aita_for_going_to_my_dads_funeral_against_his/	2021-11-16 13:04:41	nta you have as much right to say goodbye to your father as his other family members did.	if you are in the us, be aware that there is a social security "survivor's benefit" that you are eligible for until you are 18. i mention it because it seems like it is unlikely that your dad's wife will share that info. it's a government program meant to replace some of the support he gave. https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/survivors/ifyou.html#h4	nta. he is still your dad and that’s an asshole move of her to kick you out of your own father’s funeral. it’s not your fault he cheated on his wife resulting in you being born. it’s even worse that she did that because you actually had a relationship with him. it doesn’t matter that she is grieving, what she did was malicious and attention seeking. she could’ve just let you sit in the back silently and ignored you but she chose to cause a scene.	nta. you have a right to be there. end of story. you were polite & quiet, and this woman just made herself look awful in front of all her friends and family. sorry for your loss.	nta you weren't there to cause a scene, just wanted to say goodbye to your father. i'm sorry for your loss and having to deal with that. she's an ah but i'm sure grief and seeing you really messed with her, she probably looked you up online or if your dad had recent photos i'm sure she found them.	nta. she is delusional. she decided to forgive him under the condition that she could pretend you never existed to uphold a fake life. she shouldn’t know what you look like if you’ve never had contact with them. she ruined the funeral by dragging you out and making a scene when your dad is the one who hurt her by cheating in the first place. you have a right to be there and she was disrespectful and disgusting.	[removed]	nta but your dad’s wife sure is! she is blaming you for something her husband did. she never really forgave him, she just decided to take it out on you and your mom. i’m sorry you couldn’t say goodbye properly. she did not have tue right to take that away from you.	nta and consult a lawyer. if you are left out of the will you have a right to sue as there is a reasonable expectation as his child you would be included.	nta. sounds like your dad's wife focused her anger at your dad onto you. none of what happened is your fault and you have a right to grieve your father as much as she does. you had every right to be there, she's 100% wrong.	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i'm the product of an affair. my dad's wife forgave him for getting my mom pregnant on the condition that she and their kids never have to see me or hear about me, and he couldn't see my mom. even so, my dad was involved in my life right up until he died, and we were very close. after he died i contacted some of his family members (not his wife or kids, i didn't want to upset them) to ask if it would be ok for me to go to the funeral, and i just didn't get any replies. i ended up deciding that since i've never met his wife or kids or most of his family they wouldn't even recognize me so i could just quietly be at the back and not bother anyone. turns out his wife did recognize me (i don't know how) and she interrupted the service to drag me out of the building and yell at me for being there, and then when i tried to leave she followed me to my mom's car to yell at her. now i'm embarrassed and guilty that i upset her and caused drama at the funeral and dragged my mom into it. my mom says i didn't do anything wrong cos i couldn't of known my dad's wife would know what i look like, but i'm not sure if she's just trying to make me feel better. i just wanted to say bye to my dad, i wasn't trying to cause any trouble. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so i'm the product of an affair. my dad's wife forgave him for getting my mom pregnant on the condition that she and their kids never have to see me or hear about me, and he couldn't see my mom. even so, my dad was involved in my life right up until he died, and we were very close. after he died i contacted some of his family members (not his wife or kids, i didn't want to upset them) to ask if it would be ok for me to go to the funeral, and i just didn't get any replies. i ended up deciding that since i've never met his wife or kids or most of his family they wouldn't even recognize me so i could just quietly be at the back and not bother anyone. turns out his wife did recognize me (i don't know how) and she interrupted the service to drag me out of the building and yell at me for being there, and then when i tried to leave she followed me to my mom's car to yell at her. now i'm embarrassed and guilty that i upset her and caused drama at the funeral and dragged my mom into it. my mom says i didn't do anything wrong cos i couldn't of known my dad's wife would know what i look like, but i'm not sure if she's just trying to make me feel better. i just wanted to say bye to my dad, i wasn't trying to cause any trouble. aita? [/INST] nta you have as much right to say goodbye to your father as his other family members did. </s>
AITA for getting a car for my stepson, and not my bio kids?	i just wanna say that i know i was an awful person back in the day and that that's not what i'm here about i (37m) have a pretty bad past. i got married at 20, had a kid, had another kid, did drugs, drank way too much, and gambled all our money away, then cheated on my wife. she divorced me, got custody, and i barely ever saw the kids. i didn't pay child support, i never visited, i just did drugs. 4 years ago i got sober. my kids are now 17m and 16f. i got a job, graduated from community college, got a good office job, got my own place and started paying child support (which i'll have to pay for a long time, because there's so many years i didn't cover). i see my kids on the weekends now and we are slowly establishing a relationship again. i have been dating my fiancee for a little over a year now, we live together and her son (16m) lives with us. for his birthday, we bought him a car. for my son's last birthday, i got him an xbox, and for my daughter's, a new guitar. when my ex found out about the car, she flipped out and said if i have extra money, i can buy stuff for my actual children who also want nice things. i told her i got my kids what they asked for their birthdays, and if they want cars, i will gladly pay 50% of the cost (because i paid for 50% for my stepson, the other 50% was paid by my fiancee). she called me a selfish ah and saidni haven't changed at all.	11,154	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vjodwo/aita_for_getting_a_car_for_my_stepson_and_not_my/	2022-06-24 13:23:32	yta i think she’s more mad about you being over a decade behind on child support and being able to splurge on 50 % of your stepsons car	info: did your bio kids know that cars were on the table? also, is your ex capable of paying for half of two cars?	"if they wanted cars..." did you really think they thought it would be reasonable, for teens who didn't see you for 12+ years, to ask for cars? i'm sure they thought an xbox and a guitar were a stretch. i knew i pushed my luck but knew the upper limit. yta if you gave more than the same amount you did for their gifts. yta for being selfish and throwing around your money that you have now.	yta. so you’re offering the same deal for your kids — who you abandoned when they were very young — as you are for your fiancée’s teenage son, who you’ve known for just a year. you consider yourself just as much a parent for him as you do for your own children. wow. and you’re doing this — requiring that your children’s mother, whose money you gambled away, and who had to raise your children singlehandedly for at least a decade, to pay half or your kids get nothing — while owing significant back child support. since you’ve got the money now, pay up now, don’t save it for largesse. and at least buy them all of one car to share, instead of offering to pay half of two. you’re doing something very common for people who’ve turned over a new leaf — you’re trying to make everything great for your new life, being awesome for the people that only know you as a great guy. i’m sure it feels a lot better to be seen as so generous to them than concentrating on fully making amends with those you treated badly. but your attempt to be evenhanded between those you owe and those you don’t isn’t equity, and it really runs down your children, to whom you owe so much, to see that they don’t matter any more to you than someone you met a year ago.	know why your bio kids didn't think to ask you for a car? because they know not to expect much of you. yta, all day and tomorrow.	yta a f'in year?! a year and you get this kid, who's not your stepson btw since you are not married to his mom, a car?! while you've neglected your kids for years. an xbox isn't even close to half of a car. be honest. you should have just paid 100% for a car for them to share and gotten gf's son a $50 gc at most. geez...her kid's actual dad should have been the one get his car not you when you have 2 kids who have had an absent dad all these years.	yta. you owe back child support. while that doesn't mean you can't honor your stepson's birthday, it does mean there is no reason you should be purchasing him an expensive gift while your ex is bearing more than her fair share of the cost of raising your bio children. put another way: the only reason you could "afford" to pay for half of your stepson's car is because you haven't paid for so much of what your bio kids need over the course of their childhood.	yta you had destroyed your family mentally, emotionally and financially. you didn't care about your own kids until four years ago - and they're seventeen and sixteen now. that's thirteen years of no child support, no love, no visits, no nothing. you've known your stepson for a year and you decided to buy him a car even though you owe your bio kids a lot of money. did you offer to buy your bio kids a car? because i doubt they even knew they could ask for one, considering how much money you owe them. do you know what kind of message you're sending to your bio kids? that they aren't as important as your new family.	you of course, paid all your back-owed child support before you paid 50% of that car cost right? /s yta.	yta pay the back support before splurging on stepkids	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i just wanna say that i know i was an awful person back in the day and that that's not what i'm here about i (37m) have a pretty bad past. i got married at 20, had a kid, had another kid, did drugs, drank way too much, and gambled all our money away, then cheated on my wife. she divorced me, got custody, and i barely ever saw the kids. i didn't pay child support, i never visited, i just did drugs. 4 years ago i got sober. my kids are now 17m and 16f. i got a job, graduated from community college, got a good office job, got my own place and started paying child support (which i'll have to pay for a long time, because there's so many years i didn't cover). i see my kids on the weekends now and we are slowly establishing a relationship again. i have been dating my fiancee for a little over a year now, we live together and her son (16m) lives with us. for his birthday, we bought him a car. for my son's last birthday, i got him an xbox, and for my daughter's, a new guitar. when my ex found out about the car, she flipped out and said if i have extra money, i can buy stuff for my actual children who also want nice things. i told her i got my kids what they asked for their birthdays, and if they want cars, i will gladly pay 50% of the cost (because i paid for 50% for my stepson, the other 50% was paid by my fiancee). she called me a selfish ah and saidni haven't changed at all.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i just wanna say that i know i was an awful person back in the day and that that's not what i'm here about i (37m) have a pretty bad past. i got married at 20, had a kid, had another kid, did drugs, drank way too much, and gambled all our money away, then cheated on my wife. she divorced me, got custody, and i barely ever saw the kids. i didn't pay child support, i never visited, i just did drugs. 4 years ago i got sober. my kids are now 17m and 16f. i got a job, graduated from community college, got a good office job, got my own place and started paying child support (which i'll have to pay for a long time, because there's so many years i didn't cover). i see my kids on the weekends now and we are slowly establishing a relationship again. i have been dating my fiancee for a little over a year now, we live together and her son (16m) lives with us. for his birthday, we bought him a car. for my son's last birthday, i got him an xbox, and for my daughter's, a new guitar. when my ex found out about the car, she flipped out and said if i have extra money, i can buy stuff for my actual children who also want nice things. i told her i got my kids what they asked for their birthdays, and if they want cars, i will gladly pay 50% of the cost (because i paid for 50% for my stepson, the other 50% was paid by my fiancee). she called me a selfish ah and saidni haven't changed at all. [/INST] yta i think she’s more mad about you being over a decade behind on child support and being able to splurge on 50 % of your stepsons car </s>
AITA for asking my parents why my wedding gift was significantly smaller than my sister’s?	my husband and i (28m, 28f) got married recently, and my sister (31f) and i were discussing the wedding after returning from the honeymoon. we are very fortunate to have grown up in a household where my parents made very good money. they were generous with us, but raised my sister and i to be hard-working and not dependent on them as adults. my sister and i both do well financially as does her husband (36m). my husband loves his job, but it is not one that has a ton of earning potential. he and i met in college, so i’ve always known this was his plan and we are very happy with our setup. during my discussion with my sister, she asked me if my husband and i were planning to use the wedding gift money from my parents to do a particular renovation for which we’ve been saving, but i was very confused because the gift, while extremely generous and appreciated, wasn’t nearly enough to cover that. she told me how much she had been gifted and it was more than twice what we had been given. after that i couldn’t stop thinking about why i had gotten less, so my sister encouraged me to ask, and during a call with my mom i couldn’t stop myself from asking. her response was that it wasn’t my business, but since i did ask, my sister has chosen a partner that can accommodate the lifestyle she’s used to, so they’ve gifted her accordingly. they also gifted me according to the lifestyle i’ve chosen. we are not entitled to gifts of any size in life, but i still can’t help feeling hurt that my parents feel that my husband and i are less deserving than my sister and her husband based on income. meanwhile my parents are angry at both my sister and me for having this discussion and bringing it to them. tl;dr: my sister accidentally revealed that our parents gave her a considerably larger wedding gift, now they are mad at me for bringing up this topic.	20,727	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wslrqr/aita_for_asking_my_parents_why_my_wedding_gift/	2022-08-19 18:52:21	nta there's a lot of reasons that would have made sense and been ok, including a simple "we're not in the same financial situation we were in when we gave your sister her wedding gift". but to make it about how much you guys make, is basically a passive aggressive way of saying "you got less because you picked a partner we feel is beneath you."	nta, and i don’t understand your parents’ reasoning. seems like they just want to punish you for choosing a spouse that makes less money than they would have preferred. honestly, if your sister’s husband is so well off, why would she need additional money as a gift?	what weird logic. your bil makes more so we gift them more? your husband makes less so we gift you less? sounds backwards. also sounds like they’re punishing you for choosing who you married.	nta but that's a weird way of gifting money. your sister and husband make more so they get more money, and you get less because you make less. does not compute	i think that given your parents stance, it’s time to start giving smaller gifts to them. you should make it a point to always give them fewer and smaller things at holidays than you might give your sister or your spouse. if they complain, let them know that they aren’t entitled to any gifts in life, and they should be grateful that they receive anything, given the modest life you’ve chosen. then suggest how rude it is to ask about such things instead of being grateful. spend the money you saved on yourselves. your parents are petty. nta	nta. i mean, yeah, you're not entitled to anything, but if your parents are going to go giving out large sums of money, it's damn stupid to do it on the basis of "you didn't marry rich enough for us, so you're just going to have to deal with that."	nta. maybe it’s best to go low contact. they’ve made it very clear what they think of your husband. and when you have children how are they going to treat them. it doesn’t sound like they are very giving people. i would be more concerned about their hatred for my husband	nta for asking. you were told about the discrepancy, you didn't fish for it. reasonable to want an explanation. your mom's reasoning is hot garbage and classist.	nta i know gifts are gifts and there’s an expectation that you should be grateful and keep quiet but - ouch. their reasoning is awful and i’m not surprised that you’re hurt by it.	nta-as a parent i have tried to treat my kids equitably. buying equal items cannot always be the case due to their different interests, but i would never give one more money than the other. you are right that they judged your choice of spouses and you are right that it was unfair.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i (28m, 28f) got married recently, and my sister (31f) and i were discussing the wedding after returning from the honeymoon. we are very fortunate to have grown up in a household where my parents made very good money. they were generous with us, but raised my sister and i to be hard-working and not dependent on them as adults. my sister and i both do well financially as does her husband (36m). my husband loves his job, but it is not one that has a ton of earning potential. he and i met in college, so i’ve always known this was his plan and we are very happy with our setup. during my discussion with my sister, she asked me if my husband and i were planning to use the wedding gift money from my parents to do a particular renovation for which we’ve been saving, but i was very confused because the gift, while extremely generous and appreciated, wasn’t nearly enough to cover that. she told me how much she had been gifted and it was more than twice what we had been given. after that i couldn’t stop thinking about why i had gotten less, so my sister encouraged me to ask, and during a call with my mom i couldn’t stop myself from asking. her response was that it wasn’t my business, but since i did ask, my sister has chosen a partner that can accommodate the lifestyle she’s used to, so they’ve gifted her accordingly. they also gifted me according to the lifestyle i’ve chosen. we are not entitled to gifts of any size in life, but i still can’t help feeling hurt that my parents feel that my husband and i are less deserving than my sister and her husband based on income. meanwhile my parents are angry at both my sister and me for having this discussion and bringing it to them. tl;dr: my sister accidentally revealed that our parents gave her a considerably larger wedding gift, now they are mad at me for bringing up this topic.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband and i (28m, 28f) got married recently, and my sister (31f) and i were discussing the wedding after returning from the honeymoon. we are very fortunate to have grown up in a household where my parents made very good money. they were generous with us, but raised my sister and i to be hard-working and not dependent on them as adults. my sister and i both do well financially as does her husband (36m). my husband loves his job, but it is not one that has a ton of earning potential. he and i met in college, so i’ve always known this was his plan and we are very happy with our setup. during my discussion with my sister, she asked me if my husband and i were planning to use the wedding gift money from my parents to do a particular renovation for which we’ve been saving, but i was very confused because the gift, while extremely generous and appreciated, wasn’t nearly enough to cover that. she told me how much she had been gifted and it was more than twice what we had been given. after that i couldn’t stop thinking about why i had gotten less, so my sister encouraged me to ask, and during a call with my mom i couldn’t stop myself from asking. her response was that it wasn’t my business, but since i did ask, my sister has chosen a partner that can accommodate the lifestyle she’s used to, so they’ve gifted her accordingly. they also gifted me according to the lifestyle i’ve chosen. we are not entitled to gifts of any size in life, but i still can’t help feeling hurt that my parents feel that my husband and i are less deserving than my sister and her husband based on income. meanwhile my parents are angry at both my sister and me for having this discussion and bringing it to them. tl;dr: my sister accidentally revealed that our parents gave her a considerably larger wedding gift, now they are mad at me for bringing up this topic. [/INST] nta there's a lot of reasons that would have made sense and been ok, including a simple "we're not in the same financial situation we were in when we gave your sister her wedding gift". but to make it about how much you guys make, is basically a passive aggressive way of saying "you got less because you picked a partner we feel is beneath you." </s>
AITA for failing a student on the last day of class?	final edit at bottom: as a side gig i teach once a week for a local university. the students come to the hospital where i work and i teach them by doing direct patient care. they also have written assignments to complete, some for me in the clinical setting and some in the classroom. most of the students i have are seniors, so college work is not new to them. this semester i have a student who just has a lack of motivation and puts in little effort. her assignments are usually submitted late, but there is nothing in the syllabus that states they can’t be turned in late for full credit 🙄 the students are also allowed to redo one failed assignment for full credit. she failed her first assignment and i have reminded her throughout the term that she has to redo it because it’s a required assignment to pass the course. she shows up exactly on time or 2-3 minutes late for class. their syllabus states that they must be on time for the clinical portion of class (that i teach) or they will be sent home and their absence unexcused. i have not kicked her out when she’s been 2-3 minutes late because it just seems petty. she has also missed a couple of classes that had to be made up with other clinical experiences to get her required hours. i’ve discussed this with her course professor and also with the student in her midterm evaluation. she missed her second to last clinical and i reminded her that she would have to complete that final assignment at her last clinical to pass. she assured me she would. i had a conversation with her classroom professor who has also been frustrated with the student this term. she had just finally turned in an assignment that was 3 weeks late. i was annoyed by that because she ended up getting the same grade as students who completed it on time. next semester the syllabus will specify points lost for late assignments. this hasn’t historically been an issue. her course professor had a conversation with her in class last week about her final clinical and that assignment absolutely having to pass or she fails the course. on the last day of clinical, all the students were there, dressed in scrubs, ready for patient rounds, on time. except this student who walked in 3 minutes late and not dressed. i said “you are late and you are not ready. this is unprofessional. you need to leave immediately.” so, my making her leave means she fails the course because there is no other chance to make it up and it’s final exam week. it also means it delays her graduation by at least one semester because she will have to retake that course and can’t take a course next term that needs this one as a pre-req. at the time i felt very justified in sending her home. she’s been given several warnings and multiple breaks with late work. but now i’m feeling kind of like i might have been an asshole in kicking her out knowing it guaranteed her course failure when i’ve let her stay when she was late in the past. what do you think, reddit?	19,749	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e7fuwh/aita_for_failing_a_student_on_the_last_day_of/	2019-12-07 15:52:15	nta infinity. the other students standing there ready to go really appreciated this. you did the right thing. stand by your decision. this makes a real difference in the world.	nta. she was given multiple opportunities to make up work and spoken to many times. patient care is not a place someone should be pity passed. if she had an issue in her life, she should have spoken to you or other instructors	nta. is she on course to be any kind of doctor, surgeon, or hospital work? she needs to learn at some point that she can't just make up her own schedule, preferably before people's lives are at stake.	esh. she sucks and she should try harder, but you also enabled this behavior by letting her be late in the past. she could easily take this above your head, and then you'd have to explain why you never asked her to leave before when she had been late except on the last day. it's petty.	yta but for me it’s because you did it on the last day on purpose. you said you didn’t include point loss for late assignments in your syllabus so you can’t enforce that rule. and while she was late, she’s been routinely late and you didn’t send her home then. and you should have. by doing it now, you were punishing her. not educating her. i promise she didn’t go home and think, wow, i shouldn’t have been late so often to that class or i should have tried harder. she went home thinking you’re an arbitrary ass. if you’d sent her home once or twice before, this might have been justified. but it was just petty to do it now.	nta- you have a job to do and she has hers. she did not meet the requirements. also given that it is a medical program a person with that mindset should not be involved with patient care. pushing her through could have had some consequences for a future patient. hopefully she understands why this happened and either learns from it or picks a new profession to pursue.	nta i taught a semester microbiology course at a local community college after moving to a new location, just temporary until i found other work. it was for pre-nursing students, actually the last science course they needed in order to apply to local programs. i was a fair teacher, told them all exactly what would be on the final in terms of categories of learning, including serial dilutions (a fairly simple math to determine bacterial counts). we practiced it in lab and class. take home non-graded homework. they knew it would be 20% of the final. i even had open office hours to walk everyone through it until they could do it sleeping. i still had 1/4 fail that question, and 1/6 fail the class. i got called into the administration- “we can’t have that level of failing”. i said if someone going into nursing can’t handle basic math involving dilutions then they shouldn’t be passing. others failed lab work (and makeup opportunities) on sterile technique. i walked away and told the administrator they could do whatever they wanted, but i wasn’t coming back. and i hoped those students didn’t infect or kill anyone in the futue.	esh. she’s ta for obvious reasons. you’re ta because you were willing to put up with a certain behavior the entire semester—which sends the message that it’s something students can get away with—and then arbitrarily cracked down on it on the final day because you were frustrated with her. a certain level of consistency is important with teaching. i’m not encouraging you to send students home for being 2 minutes late, that strikes me as a little harsh, but enforce the strict attendance policy or don’t. the final class is way too late to change your approach. also, don’t be a slave to the syllabus. it didn’t explicitly say that late assignments will be penalized. okay, but did it say that late assignments can be turned in at any point for full credit? if you need to alter something that may not be spelled out in the syllabus that’s fine, just make sure to give the class some warning.	nta. you also need to be more strict as your letting this girl walk all over you and your generosity. also i agree the syllabus should state if it’s late you lose x points and after x days it’s an automatic 0.	nta she's behaved unprofessionally all semester. she shouldn't pass.	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	YTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.193649	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: final edit at bottom: as a side gig i teach once a week for a local university. the students come to the hospital where i work and i teach them by doing direct patient care. they also have written assignments to complete, some for me in the clinical setting and some in the classroom. most of the students i have are seniors, so college work is not new to them. this semester i have a student who just has a lack of motivation and puts in little effort. her assignments are usually submitted late, but there is nothing in the syllabus that states they can’t be turned in late for full credit 🙄 the students are also allowed to redo one failed assignment for full credit. she failed her first assignment and i have reminded her throughout the term that she has to redo it because it’s a required assignment to pass the course. she shows up exactly on time or 2-3 minutes late for class. their syllabus states that they must be on time for the clinical portion of class (that i teach) or they will be sent home and their absence unexcused. i have not kicked her out when she’s been 2-3 minutes late because it just seems petty. she has also missed a couple of classes that had to be made up with other clinical experiences to get her required hours. i’ve discussed this with her course professor and also with the student in her midterm evaluation. she missed her second to last clinical and i reminded her that she would have to complete that final assignment at her last clinical to pass. she assured me she would. i had a conversation with her classroom professor who has also been frustrated with the student this term. she had just finally turned in an assignment that was 3 weeks late. i was annoyed by that because she ended up getting the same grade as students who completed it on time. next semester the syllabus will specify points lost for late assignments. this hasn’t historically been an issue. her course professor had a conversation with her in class last week about her final clinical and that assignment absolutely having to pass or she fails the course. on the last day of clinical, all the students were there, dressed in scrubs, ready for patient rounds, on time. except this student who walked in 3 minutes late and not dressed. i said “you are late and you are not ready. this is unprofessional. you need to leave immediately.” so, my making her leave means she fails the course because there is no other chance to make it up and it’s final exam week. it also means it delays her graduation by at least one semester because she will have to retake that course and can’t take a course next term that needs this one as a pre-req. at the time i felt very justified in sending her home. she’s been given several warnings and multiple breaks with late work. but now i’m feeling kind of like i might have been an asshole in kicking her out knowing it guaranteed her course failure when i’ve let her stay when she was late in the past. what do you think, reddit?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> final edit at bottom: as a side gig i teach once a week for a local university. the students come to the hospital where i work and i teach them by doing direct patient care. they also have written assignments to complete, some for me in the clinical setting and some in the classroom. most of the students i have are seniors, so college work is not new to them. this semester i have a student who just has a lack of motivation and puts in little effort. her assignments are usually submitted late, but there is nothing in the syllabus that states they can’t be turned in late for full credit 🙄 the students are also allowed to redo one failed assignment for full credit. she failed her first assignment and i have reminded her throughout the term that she has to redo it because it’s a required assignment to pass the course. she shows up exactly on time or 2-3 minutes late for class. their syllabus states that they must be on time for the clinical portion of class (that i teach) or they will be sent home and their absence unexcused. i have not kicked her out when she’s been 2-3 minutes late because it just seems petty. she has also missed a couple of classes that had to be made up with other clinical experiences to get her required hours. i’ve discussed this with her course professor and also with the student in her midterm evaluation. she missed her second to last clinical and i reminded her that she would have to complete that final assignment at her last clinical to pass. she assured me she would. i had a conversation with her classroom professor who has also been frustrated with the student this term. she had just finally turned in an assignment that was 3 weeks late. i was annoyed by that because she ended up getting the same grade as students who completed it on time. next semester the syllabus will specify points lost for late assignments. this hasn’t historically been an issue. her course professor had a conversation with her in class last week about her final clinical and that assignment absolutely having to pass or she fails the course. on the last day of clinical, all the students were there, dressed in scrubs, ready for patient rounds, on time. except this student who walked in 3 minutes late and not dressed. i said “you are late and you are not ready. this is unprofessional. you need to leave immediately.” so, my making her leave means she fails the course because there is no other chance to make it up and it’s final exam week. it also means it delays her graduation by at least one semester because she will have to retake that course and can’t take a course next term that needs this one as a pre-req. at the time i felt very justified in sending her home. she’s been given several warnings and multiple breaks with late work. but now i’m feeling kind of like i might have been an asshole in kicking her out knowing it guaranteed her course failure when i’ve let her stay when she was late in the past. what do you think, reddit? [/INST] nta infinity. the other students standing there ready to go really appreciated this. you did the right thing. stand by your decision. this makes a real difference in the world. </s>
AITA for telling my GF listening to audio books does not count as reading?	when me and gf met being a book nerd was a big part of her identity. she read regularly and even volunteered at her local library. books were kinda her life and she even had ambitions to work for the library. as an avid reader my self, it is one of the things that attracted me to her. fast forward a year and a half or so later and i can't even remember the last time i saw her reading a book. a username of hers came up in conversation, and the username references her being a book nerd. i pointed out that she doesn't read anymore and therefore is not a book nerd, and shoud make a different username. she defended herself saying that she is still a book nerd because she regularly listens to audiobooks. i tried to explain to her that this is not the same, because listening to something doesn't take as much brain power as reading it does. audiobooks are like the cheap easy version of a real book. i don't thinks someone who listens to bools can classify themselves as a reader. i even told her i felt she was some what dishonest when we first started dating since she made it seems like books were so important to her, but now she doesn't read at all. she got mad at me and said i'm pretentious and a "paper snob".	5,696	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b3hf04/aita_for_telling_my_gf_listening_to_audio_books/	2019-03-20 21:03:05	yta fuck off with that shit. you can love books, and listen to audio books more often than read paper books. audio books have been a blessing to a dyslexic friend of mine. i would never denigrate him for that, and claim he doesn't really love books. you frankly are being a bit of an elitist snob here.	yta with your bizarre gatekeeping pedantry. seriously?	yta r/gatekeeping would like a word btw, do you go to your roommate in college and say they aren't really studying if they look at pdfs? lol	yta and a paper snob. you're literally splitting hairs over the delivery method. the end result is still the same: she knows what happened in the book.	yta it's an audiobook	yta. thought we were passed this as a society. > audiobooks are like the cheap easy version of a real book. factually incorrect. audiobooks are usually more expensive. > because listening to something doesn't take as much brain power as reading it does. please cite script snob > i even told her i felt she was some what dishonest when we first started dating since she made it seems but: > she read regularly and even volunteered at her local library. where was the like ink lover?	you generally sound like an asshole lol	yta. the gatekeeping of reading is bizarre. you went out of your way to make this point with your girlfriend by picking a fight about her username. you aren’t the arbiter of how someone else gets to enjoy the written word.	[deleted]	yta. it is reading, and you’re ignoring people with disabilities who are readers, and only read through audiobooks. you’re essentially gatekeeping reading by determining whether or not she’s a reader because she now listens to audiobooks.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	null	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when me and gf met being a book nerd was a big part of her identity. she read regularly and even volunteered at her local library. books were kinda her life and she even had ambitions to work for the library. as an avid reader my self, it is one of the things that attracted me to her. fast forward a year and a half or so later and i can't even remember the last time i saw her reading a book. a username of hers came up in conversation, and the username references her being a book nerd. i pointed out that she doesn't read anymore and therefore is not a book nerd, and shoud make a different username. she defended herself saying that she is still a book nerd because she regularly listens to audiobooks. i tried to explain to her that this is not the same, because listening to something doesn't take as much brain power as reading it does. audiobooks are like the cheap easy version of a real book. i don't thinks someone who listens to bools can classify themselves as a reader. i even told her i felt she was some what dishonest when we first started dating since she made it seems like books were so important to her, but now she doesn't read at all. she got mad at me and said i'm pretentious and a "paper snob".	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> when me and gf met being a book nerd was a big part of her identity. she read regularly and even volunteered at her local library. books were kinda her life and she even had ambitions to work for the library. as an avid reader my self, it is one of the things that attracted me to her. fast forward a year and a half or so later and i can't even remember the last time i saw her reading a book. a username of hers came up in conversation, and the username references her being a book nerd. i pointed out that she doesn't read anymore and therefore is not a book nerd, and shoud make a different username. she defended herself saying that she is still a book nerd because she regularly listens to audiobooks. i tried to explain to her that this is not the same, because listening to something doesn't take as much brain power as reading it does. audiobooks are like the cheap easy version of a real book. i don't thinks someone who listens to bools can classify themselves as a reader. i even told her i felt she was some what dishonest when we first started dating since she made it seems like books were so important to her, but now she doesn't read at all. she got mad at me and said i'm pretentious and a "paper snob". [/INST] yta fuck off with that shit. you can love books, and listen to audio books more often than read paper books. audio books have been a blessing to a dyslexic friend of mine. i would never denigrate him for that, and claim he doesn't really love books. you frankly are being a bit of an elitist snob here. </s>
AITA for giving my stepson’s room to my daughter?	i’ll try to keep this short...i’ve been married to my wife for over a year now, have a stepson (14m) and a biological daughter (9f). when we married, my wife and i agreed that i would sell my house and move into hers because there’s more living space. stepson already had his own room, so my daughter got the extra bedroom, which is smaller than his. it was fine at first, but my daughter has a lot of stuff and soon it became too small cramped for her. stepson also only lives with us part time (5 days with us, 9 days with bio dad) and has a huge room at his dad’s. my daughter lives with us full time so this is her only room. it seemed to me that the logical thing would be for my daughter to have the larger room since she has more stuff, and spends all of her time here. wife was hesitant at first and felt like my stepson would be upset and feel like he’s being pushed aside, but i convinced her that my daughter needed the space more so she ultimately agreed. we ended up switching rooms this week, freshly painted them and my wife did some shopping for stepson’s new room so he’d feel special. he came home from his dad’s and we surprised him with his new room. he reacted ok, thanked us for the new stuff and didn’t seem upset at first. but now he’s been moping and has been cold to all of us. wife is now regretting our choice and upset at me for convincing her that it would be fine. aita?	7,291	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p8gtdx/aita_for_giving_my_stepsons_room_to_my_daughter/	2021-08-20 23:49:50	yta for not discussing with your stepson first. at least give the kid a heads up jeezus.	info: why didn't you bother to run this by your stepson? i mean, considering he reacted ok, he sounds like a decent kid, but wtf. i'd be pissed if i was just ejected from my room by my step dad without my input, even if it was for understandable reasons. yta for the surprise alone. the rest of your reasoning makes some sense, but you really disrespected him by doing it this way.	yta. talk about prioritizing one kid over the other. his whole world is changing, his mom is remarrying, he has a new parent and sibling moving in, he has to go back and forth between houses, and you just completely took away his safe space to give it to your kid. now you can be certain that he doesn’t feel like a part of your family, because when he left for a few days you took away his room. i feel awful for him. imagine coming back to that… surprise, your room is gone! your new little step sister took it. wow i feel sick. if you’re not ready to parent both kids equally, which it sounds like you’re not, please don’t move in with this kid.	yta. he's a teenager; you're meant to be treating him like a partial adult and giving him control and decision making, and you thought that surprising him by replacing his room - his personal space and place of control - was in any way an acceptable move? you wouldn't even do that with a small child, much less a teen. that's not just favoritism, its downright disrespectful. and it shows him very clearly you don't think of him as a part of this family, merely a houseguest.	yta - it's reasonable and you were doing well until you made it a surprise. kid was probably in shock.	yta. the poor kid is already dealing with major life changes and you spring this on him without a word. you needed to talk to him and see if he agreed because what you just did is tell him he doesn't matter in that household.	huge yta (both you and your wife). a surprise is a gift, this was an ambush. way to let him know 1) his thoughts and feelings don’t matter to his family and 2) he’s a guest in his own house. you obviously didn’t tell him beforehand because you know he’d be upset and you didn’t want to give him a chance to object. be prepared for the next step to be your wife’s ex and your stepson asking to change custody agreement to more time or full time. i swear, do people with kids give any thought at all to merging families beforehand?	yta. maybe your nine year old has too much stuff.	yta. it doesn’t matter that the stepson is only with you part time… you switched the rooms around and gave him the smaller room without consulting him… who cares if your bio daughter has more belongings it wasn’t your decision. stepson has a say in this as he is old enough to have autonomy of his personal space but you took that away from him.	yta. i can’t believe your wife agreed to this. it doesn’t matter that he is only with you part time. that’s not his fault. you’ve displaced him from what you consider to be the better room because it’s larger to give it to your own daughter. you also blindsided him with the decision, and, if i read between the lines correctly, made sure the decision was irreversible by painting them. you are one of the biggest assholes around.	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ll try to keep this short...i’ve been married to my wife for over a year now, have a stepson (14m) and a biological daughter (9f). when we married, my wife and i agreed that i would sell my house and move into hers because there’s more living space. stepson already had his own room, so my daughter got the extra bedroom, which is smaller than his. it was fine at first, but my daughter has a lot of stuff and soon it became too small cramped for her. stepson also only lives with us part time (5 days with us, 9 days with bio dad) and has a huge room at his dad’s. my daughter lives with us full time so this is her only room. it seemed to me that the logical thing would be for my daughter to have the larger room since she has more stuff, and spends all of her time here. wife was hesitant at first and felt like my stepson would be upset and feel like he’s being pushed aside, but i convinced her that my daughter needed the space more so she ultimately agreed. we ended up switching rooms this week, freshly painted them and my wife did some shopping for stepson’s new room so he’d feel special. he came home from his dad’s and we surprised him with his new room. he reacted ok, thanked us for the new stuff and didn’t seem upset at first. but now he’s been moping and has been cold to all of us. wife is now regretting our choice and upset at me for convincing her that it would be fine. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i’ll try to keep this short...i’ve been married to my wife for over a year now, have a stepson (14m) and a biological daughter (9f). when we married, my wife and i agreed that i would sell my house and move into hers because there’s more living space. stepson already had his own room, so my daughter got the extra bedroom, which is smaller than his. it was fine at first, but my daughter has a lot of stuff and soon it became too small cramped for her. stepson also only lives with us part time (5 days with us, 9 days with bio dad) and has a huge room at his dad’s. my daughter lives with us full time so this is her only room. it seemed to me that the logical thing would be for my daughter to have the larger room since she has more stuff, and spends all of her time here. wife was hesitant at first and felt like my stepson would be upset and feel like he’s being pushed aside, but i convinced her that my daughter needed the space more so she ultimately agreed. we ended up switching rooms this week, freshly painted them and my wife did some shopping for stepson’s new room so he’d feel special. he came home from his dad’s and we surprised him with his new room. he reacted ok, thanked us for the new stuff and didn’t seem upset at first. but now he’s been moping and has been cold to all of us. wife is now regretting our choice and upset at me for convincing her that it would be fine. aita? [/INST] yta for not discussing with your stepson first. at least give the kid a heads up jeezus. </s>
AITA for telling my dad "Either you pay me a proper wage or I'll quit"?	my dad owns a restaurant and intends to leave it to one of his kids. my sister who is 28 was not interested and went to be a hairdresser and my brother who is 29 is in uni. meanwhile i(i am 25) went to cook school(or whatever you call it in english) and graduated 2 years ago. i love to cook, i love to experiment, i love working in the restaurant business despite the hours being fucking horrid, so i have been designated as the heir more or less. despite everything going on the restaurant runs great and frankly, i take full credit for it. eversince i took over as head chef, revamped the menu, created a system for people to order and pick up food and so on the amount of customers has tripled. we actually make more during this crisis even without allowing dine-in customers then my dad made before i worked here full time. atop that i also often work when someone falls through(be it kitchen work, serving, hosting whatever), i manage most of the accounting and i also started a social media presence for the restaurant which has blown up locally. long story short, i work a minimum of 60 hours a week often more. now i do all of this with love, i like it despite swallowing up all my time but that brings us to what i make. i literally make as much as the serving staff(who are all under 20) would make if they worked full time, that is to say, i make what they would make in 40 hours while working 60+ hours and having triple the workload and i am tired of it. i tried speaking to my dad about it but i kept getting inconclusive answers or bullshit answers as an example, he talks about it being a difficult time for restaurants so cant increase my waged despite the fact we make more despite the crisis or shit like "i'll think about it" i can barely pay my goddamn rent at this rate let alone save even a dime. so i ended up saying whats in the title, i could get another job like yesterday(extreme shortage of chefs) and make at least double what i make right now starting out. obviously this led to my dad and family blowing up at me and now i am worried if i am ta?	21,899	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jfi3du/aita_for_telling_my_dad_either_you_pay_me_a/	2020-10-21 18:03:51	nta sounds like your dad is just using you for cheap labor.	as someone who's working in a family business. leave. they do not appreciate you and will not. get yourself a better paying restaurant job. with your experience it should be no problem.	nta - it’s important to keep the business side separate from the family side. it’s clear that you have been a huge asset and you deserve to be compensated as such.	nta your dad is an asshole who either doesnt care you cant pay rent or wants to take advatage of a cheap chef or both either way you sound like your request is reasonable maybe in other areas he's struggling but he shouldnt be neglecting his restaurant employees for the sake of other financial issues if he even has any.	nta. you’re working 60 hours a week and you’re struggling to make ends meet. you tried asking your dad for more money, but he kept blowing you off. he created a situation where he would eventually lose you by not paying you fairly, and you’re doing what you can to stay in the family business.	nta. your father does not value your labor. find an employer who will — or go into business for yourself. hell, it sounds like you're already running the place. might as well do it for real.	nta. they want to use you to literally do everything to make sure the restaurant works smoothly - the restaurant that they’re going to be leaving you anyway? then they can pay you properly or they can give it to you now and maintain a percentage share of the income. then you can pay yourself what you deserve.	nta. family or not, you can’t keep this up if you’re not making a living wage. i’d suggest handing in your 2 weeks notice now...	if the only place you've seriously worked at is your father's restaurant and you want to have a career in the restaurant industry, then i suggest you get some experience under your belt working at different restaurants. not just at your father's. nta for telling your father you want a raise, but since his view of you is of an indentured servant because you're 'family' and it's a 'family business,' then maybe you should go find out how it works in the 'real world.' the more experience and success you get working at other places, the more he might get a different p.o.v. of you. because i don't know if you can get him to change his mindset about you just through discussion if your actions so far at his business haven't changed his opinion of you. edited typo/grammar.	nta, it sounds like it’s time for you to take over fully, he needs to retire, doesn’t sound like he’s as useful as he once was	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my dad owns a restaurant and intends to leave it to one of his kids. my sister who is 28 was not interested and went to be a hairdresser and my brother who is 29 is in uni. meanwhile i(i am 25) went to cook school(or whatever you call it in english) and graduated 2 years ago. i love to cook, i love to experiment, i love working in the restaurant business despite the hours being fucking horrid, so i have been designated as the heir more or less. despite everything going on the restaurant runs great and frankly, i take full credit for it. eversince i took over as head chef, revamped the menu, created a system for people to order and pick up food and so on the amount of customers has tripled. we actually make more during this crisis even without allowing dine-in customers then my dad made before i worked here full time. atop that i also often work when someone falls through(be it kitchen work, serving, hosting whatever), i manage most of the accounting and i also started a social media presence for the restaurant which has blown up locally. long story short, i work a minimum of 60 hours a week often more. now i do all of this with love, i like it despite swallowing up all my time but that brings us to what i make. i literally make as much as the serving staff(who are all under 20) would make if they worked full time, that is to say, i make what they would make in 40 hours while working 60+ hours and having triple the workload and i am tired of it. i tried speaking to my dad about it but i kept getting inconclusive answers or bullshit answers as an example, he talks about it being a difficult time for restaurants so cant increase my waged despite the fact we make more despite the crisis or shit like "i'll think about it" i can barely pay my goddamn rent at this rate let alone save even a dime. so i ended up saying whats in the title, i could get another job like yesterday(extreme shortage of chefs) and make at least double what i make right now starting out. obviously this led to my dad and family blowing up at me and now i am worried if i am ta?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my dad owns a restaurant and intends to leave it to one of his kids. my sister who is 28 was not interested and went to be a hairdresser and my brother who is 29 is in uni. meanwhile i(i am 25) went to cook school(or whatever you call it in english) and graduated 2 years ago. i love to cook, i love to experiment, i love working in the restaurant business despite the hours being fucking horrid, so i have been designated as the heir more or less. despite everything going on the restaurant runs great and frankly, i take full credit for it. eversince i took over as head chef, revamped the menu, created a system for people to order and pick up food and so on the amount of customers has tripled. we actually make more during this crisis even without allowing dine-in customers then my dad made before i worked here full time. atop that i also often work when someone falls through(be it kitchen work, serving, hosting whatever), i manage most of the accounting and i also started a social media presence for the restaurant which has blown up locally. long story short, i work a minimum of 60 hours a week often more. now i do all of this with love, i like it despite swallowing up all my time but that brings us to what i make. i literally make as much as the serving staff(who are all under 20) would make if they worked full time, that is to say, i make what they would make in 40 hours while working 60+ hours and having triple the workload and i am tired of it. i tried speaking to my dad about it but i kept getting inconclusive answers or bullshit answers as an example, he talks about it being a difficult time for restaurants so cant increase my waged despite the fact we make more despite the crisis or shit like "i'll think about it" i can barely pay my goddamn rent at this rate let alone save even a dime. so i ended up saying whats in the title, i could get another job like yesterday(extreme shortage of chefs) and make at least double what i make right now starting out. obviously this led to my dad and family blowing up at me and now i am worried if i am ta? [/INST] nta sounds like your dad is just using you for cheap labor. </s>
AITA for walking out on a blind date because the woman was very overweight?	to make a long story short, a club at my university was doing this "blind date" program where you enter preferences via their website and they have a "matchmaking team" that finds the best potential date. it's in their beta phase so normally it would cost something but they want feedback, so they actually offer gift cards for doing it. my friends did it and got the gift cards and i figured hey, whatever. i'll go have dinner with someone for basically free (when you factor in the gift card). i entered my preferences and the key thing to note is that i put down i'm into fitness and healthy lifestyles.....you cant put what you dont like, you just put what you like. i basically let them know i was looking for someone that enjoyed living healthy like i do. so basically, i submitted my form and they told me what restuarant i would be going to, and we both confirmed, and we showed up at the designated time. i show up to the restaurant a few minutes early and i see an obese woman sitting at the table. my heart sunk. i was completely and utterly disgusted. i'm not talking "thicc" or a tad overweight, or out of shape. no, this woman had an eating disorder. i immediately walked out of the restaurant and sent a text to her saying last minute, i couldnt go to the restaurant. i didnt tell her why or follow up with anything else. she never responded. i felt horrible. i didnt turn my survey in and i didnt collect my $20 gift card. when they asked me why i didnt want to do the feedback and get my gift card, i simply told the dude "you guys set me up with an obese woman" and i walked out. i was mostly embarrassed but also angry, disappointed, and overall exhausted with the whole situation.	7,267	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bswodp/aita_for_walking_out_on_a_blind_date_because_the/	2019-05-25 16:51:01	yta. you're allowed to have a preference and type, but you stood someone up who made time to meet you. you could have at least had a conversation and told her you weren't interested. you signed up for a blind date, it wasn't like you were misled	yta. you didn’t have to marry the poor girl or even ever see her again. you couldn’t take an hour out of your obviously busy and important life to get to know another human being? honestly i’m speechless. good luck to you.	dear goodness, yta. so much yta, on so many levels. 1) you were doing this for one evening, totally free. all you had to do was sit down, have a meal, and then politely text 'hello, it was nice meeting you, but i didn't feel a spark. have a lovely life!'. 2) you cannot judge someone because they look how they look. you cannot decide someone has 'an eating disorder'. you cannot size up someone and then make snap assumptions about their life. 3) plenty of people who are obese have a very, very hard time getting into fitness exactly because they meet skinnier people telling them it isn't possible for them to be into healthy living and scaring them off. chances are, she actually is into a healthy lifestyle.	yta. you volunteered for a blind date. you didn't have to marry this person, or even touch them. are you so shallow that you can't have fat friends? you can't even figure out how to make conversation with a fellow human being for 45 minutes. wow. just. wow. it's not like she liked to you, or sent pics that were misleading. you treated her like her time, and her value, is lesser because of her weight. you are an asshole, and you should feel bad.	fuck it, going against the majority. nah. she did nothing wrong so cannot be ta, the system setting it up is in its infancy so cannot be ta but also why should you do something against what you want to do? if you would not have set up a date with this person knowing this information, i think it is perfectly reasonable to nope the fuck out when you get there. yes i know that is the whole point of a blind date, but blind dates usually take into account elements such as are you vaguely compatible, which judging from your lifestyle and hers, a big hell no. a lot of people bashing you saying you shouldn't be so shallow, or that you should have given her your time. i get the first bit (don't necessarily agree) but why should you volunteer your time for a date with someone you already have less than zero interest in, and unless you are in the market to make new friends, why should you spend the evening chatting with someone you have no intention of speaking to again? ghosting is a bit of an asshole move, sure, however i think it is better than showing disinterest during or after the date. making a quick excuse and dipping seems like the least harmful of exits. idk, downvote or whatever. if op is an asshole, so am i as i'd totally do the same.	yta you clearly state in your text that to you this was just a free dinner, you did not expect the woman of your dreams there you wanted food. then you get disgusted by another persons weight and run out? why couldn't you have this free dinner with her? just casually socialize like a person? i think its immature and disrespectful and you wasted both her time and yours because you apparently cannot socialize with fat people.	nah, from an overweight woman. i know i’m going to get downvoted to oblivion here. the program is the ass hole honestly. you wanted someone who is living a healthy lifestyle, that was your only criteria. the program set you up with an incompatible partner. that’s not your fault, and that’s not her fault. you didn’t waste her time, and you didn’t ghost her. you texted her immediately and told her you weren’t coming. ghosting would be not messaging her at all and leaving her there to wonder. as an overweight woman, i’d hate to have dinner with someone who clearly wasn’t into me, or worse, misread all the signals and think this person is into me, just to have be immediately hurt. i’d rather have the pleasure of thinking you’re an ass hole for leaving, than to be hurt because you actually are an ass hole for telling me you didn’t like me. ignorance is bliss. but i do have to ask, how did you know it was her you were set up with? how do you know that woman wasn’t there to eat dinner alone?	i think you know yta just by how embarrassed you were just for being set up with a girl who’s heavy. maybe she’s trying to get into heathy living, so she can lose a little weight. but you don’t know because you didn’t even meet her.	nah. sure you may be ta in some eyes, but specifically putting preferences of someone who is into fitness and lives a healthy lifestyle then getting matched with an obese woman would turn anyone off. you definitely didn’t handle the situation properly, but also is there a proper way of telling someone “hey i don’t like you cause you’re fat” i think not.	all judgement aside, whose stupid idea was this blind date program? with so many online dating sites where you can filter who you want (and avoid this situation) why would they think they could do better?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	NAH	YTA	NAH	null	0.176777	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to make a long story short, a club at my university was doing this "blind date" program where you enter preferences via their website and they have a "matchmaking team" that finds the best potential date. it's in their beta phase so normally it would cost something but they want feedback, so they actually offer gift cards for doing it. my friends did it and got the gift cards and i figured hey, whatever. i'll go have dinner with someone for basically free (when you factor in the gift card). i entered my preferences and the key thing to note is that i put down i'm into fitness and healthy lifestyles.....you cant put what you dont like, you just put what you like. i basically let them know i was looking for someone that enjoyed living healthy like i do. so basically, i submitted my form and they told me what restuarant i would be going to, and we both confirmed, and we showed up at the designated time. i show up to the restaurant a few minutes early and i see an obese woman sitting at the table. my heart sunk. i was completely and utterly disgusted. i'm not talking "thicc" or a tad overweight, or out of shape. no, this woman had an eating disorder. i immediately walked out of the restaurant and sent a text to her saying last minute, i couldnt go to the restaurant. i didnt tell her why or follow up with anything else. she never responded. i felt horrible. i didnt turn my survey in and i didnt collect my $20 gift card. when they asked me why i didnt want to do the feedback and get my gift card, i simply told the dude "you guys set me up with an obese woman" and i walked out. i was mostly embarrassed but also angry, disappointed, and overall exhausted with the whole situation.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> to make a long story short, a club at my university was doing this "blind date" program where you enter preferences via their website and they have a "matchmaking team" that finds the best potential date. it's in their beta phase so normally it would cost something but they want feedback, so they actually offer gift cards for doing it. my friends did it and got the gift cards and i figured hey, whatever. i'll go have dinner with someone for basically free (when you factor in the gift card). i entered my preferences and the key thing to note is that i put down i'm into fitness and healthy lifestyles.....you cant put what you dont like, you just put what you like. i basically let them know i was looking for someone that enjoyed living healthy like i do. so basically, i submitted my form and they told me what restuarant i would be going to, and we both confirmed, and we showed up at the designated time. i show up to the restaurant a few minutes early and i see an obese woman sitting at the table. my heart sunk. i was completely and utterly disgusted. i'm not talking "thicc" or a tad overweight, or out of shape. no, this woman had an eating disorder. i immediately walked out of the restaurant and sent a text to her saying last minute, i couldnt go to the restaurant. i didnt tell her why or follow up with anything else. she never responded. i felt horrible. i didnt turn my survey in and i didnt collect my $20 gift card. when they asked me why i didnt want to do the feedback and get my gift card, i simply told the dude "you guys set me up with an obese woman" and i walked out. i was mostly embarrassed but also angry, disappointed, and overall exhausted with the whole situation. [/INST] yta. you're allowed to have a preference and type, but you stood someone up who made time to meet you. you could have at least had a conversation and told her you weren't interested. you signed up for a blind date, it wasn't like you were misled </s>
AITA for not involving my childfree sister in my pregnancy?	throwaway because my sister is on here. she's 33f and childfree. we have an older sister, 36f, who loves kids and has 3 of her own. 36f told me that when she told 33f she was pregnant the very first thing 33f said was "i'm not babysitting", despite her not asking her to do anything, baby related or otherwise, outside of this. despite this she made an effort to keep 33f up to date in all 3 pregnancies but says she seemed indifferent. 33f doesn't let the kids call her "aunt", only her first name, and calls them brats/rugrats/anklebiters. she says it's all from a place of love and it's just her sense of humour but 36f has sort of avoided 33f being around the kids because of this. i (29f) am pregnant. my wife and i have been trying for a while (sperm donor) and found out we were successful with our last attempt. i am currently 6 months along. 36f was really happy for me when i told her and congratulated both of us. she also talked about how excited she was to be an aunt, asked me about name ideas, wanted to know the due date and updates and was generally really enthusiastic. i didn't bother telling 33f. we just saw each other in person after my belly starting showing and she directly asked if i was pregnant, and i said "yes". she asked when i was due and i told her, and then she nodded and started asking me about work. that was the whole baby conversation. a couple days ago i had a sonogram. i showed it to 36f and she asked what everyone else in our family thought, which is when i realised that i'd neglected to tell a lot of family, mainly the ones in mum's home country. mum passed away several years ago but her relatives (aunts/uncles/cousins) kept in touch, so i posted the sonogram on facebook and a message confirming what the sonogram was. i got a positive response and a lot of support from mum's family. shortly after this 33f privately messaged me. she basically said that she was really upset i wasn't including her the way i'm including 36f and she was hurt that extended family saw the sonogram at the same time as her and she felt excluded. i then responded that if i thought she had any interest at all whatsoever i would absolutely include her in this stuff but she doesn't like kids or babies or pregnancies so i'm not making effort to include her. she then responded that it's unfair of me to talk to 36f about this but not to her and wants to be more involved, but i honestly don't know if i want her involved. she's my sister, i love her, but she clearly doesn't give a shit about the whole concept of having kids. aita for not caring to involve her? info: my sister's 3 kids are 7 years, 3 years, and 8 months. she's made the babysitting comment for all 3 pregnancies, despite 36f never asking her to do anything child related as she made it clear since her teen years that she doesn't like/want kids.	3,993	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f58tmy/aita_for_not_involving_my_childfree_sister_in_my/	2020-02-17 13:35:57	yta come on, it's super weird to not even tell your sister you're pregnant. just because she doesn't care that much about kids doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. and from her perspective, the demonstrative amount of distance you're keeping probably looks malicious. how hard is it to call your sister and tell her you're pregnant?! honestly.	nah. this is your pregnancy, and you get to decide who is involved and to what extent, especially if those people could cause undue stress on you. that said, if your relationship with your sister is good outside of this, consider giving her the benefit of the doubt and an opportunity to be supportive. your experience with her might be different than your oldest sister's.	yta, you’re sister isn’t interested in pregnancy but is interested in you. she may not be as enthusiastic as your oldest sister but she still seems to care.	people think issues like this are so black and white. they're not. truth is you're setting boundaries with your sister to prevent her from hurting your feelings/being a bitch about you having kids, which is understandable because she's that way with your sister too. you aren't obligated to tell anyone anything about your personal life. im not sure what she expected but she's being silly if she thinks this came out of nowhere. she knows how she feels about kids.	nta you're treating her the same as the rest of your extended family, which seems appropriate. if, as your sister, she wants more information she can easily ask for that.	nah maybe? your sister has shown in the past that she really has no care for pregnancy or babies in general. which is fine, people can feel however they want. that doesnt really make her the ah in this situation. shes shown on three separate occasions that she really isn't interested at all and has even shown you when first telling her that she really had no interest in your pregnancy either. i can't really blame you for not including her more. she's shown over and over she doesn't really care about it. during your older sisters 3 pregnancies and afterwards, not really interacting with them much. it's a two way street really. she has shown she's not interested, repeatedly, so you didn't go out of your way to include her. she also didn't check in on your pregnancy herself. she has not asked anything besides if you were and when you are due. and then immediately changed the subject upon finding out this information. unless you have an incredibly close relationship with her outside of the pregnancy realm, i don't really see any reason to hold this against you. while i can understand feeling out of the loop due to seeing your closeness to your other sister, shes done nothing to bridge that gap either. you saw from multiple past experiences that she had no interest in pregnancy. you choose to acknowledge that and not go out of your way to push it. i think she's more bothered that you didn't try and fail anyway more than anything.	slight yta. your sister's experience with 33f is not your experience. maybe she is just much closer to you than to 36f. you made 36f's comments judge your relationship with 33f.	yta but i feel like you let your 36yo sister get in your head about it. keep her in the loop even if she doesn’t like kids. i’m sure she felt shitty being left out.	nta. i almost wrote n a h, but i think your sister is being incredibly naive to think that her past behavior/attitude toward everything baby & pregnancy related wouldn’t impact how you share this part of your life with her. you don’t have to disclose anything you don’t want to disclose to your sister— but i’d encourage you to remember that people can change and views can soften. she reached out to you wanting to be closer. that’s kind of special. would it really hurt all that much to send her a text when you hit milestones? i really hope you give yourself the opportunity to be pleasantly surprised by your sister.	she might be childfree but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to be involved with you and your life in general. she's already told you directly to your face that she cares about this and you're trying to be spiteful. yta.	YTA	NAH	YTA	null	NTA	NAH	YTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	0.535618	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because my sister is on here. she's 33f and childfree. we have an older sister, 36f, who loves kids and has 3 of her own. 36f told me that when she told 33f she was pregnant the very first thing 33f said was "i'm not babysitting", despite her not asking her to do anything, baby related or otherwise, outside of this. despite this she made an effort to keep 33f up to date in all 3 pregnancies but says she seemed indifferent. 33f doesn't let the kids call her "aunt", only her first name, and calls them brats/rugrats/anklebiters. she says it's all from a place of love and it's just her sense of humour but 36f has sort of avoided 33f being around the kids because of this. i (29f) am pregnant. my wife and i have been trying for a while (sperm donor) and found out we were successful with our last attempt. i am currently 6 months along. 36f was really happy for me when i told her and congratulated both of us. she also talked about how excited she was to be an aunt, asked me about name ideas, wanted to know the due date and updates and was generally really enthusiastic. i didn't bother telling 33f. we just saw each other in person after my belly starting showing and she directly asked if i was pregnant, and i said "yes". she asked when i was due and i told her, and then she nodded and started asking me about work. that was the whole baby conversation. a couple days ago i had a sonogram. i showed it to 36f and she asked what everyone else in our family thought, which is when i realised that i'd neglected to tell a lot of family, mainly the ones in mum's home country. mum passed away several years ago but her relatives (aunts/uncles/cousins) kept in touch, so i posted the sonogram on facebook and a message confirming what the sonogram was. i got a positive response and a lot of support from mum's family. shortly after this 33f privately messaged me. she basically said that she was really upset i wasn't including her the way i'm including 36f and she was hurt that extended family saw the sonogram at the same time as her and she felt excluded. i then responded that if i thought she had any interest at all whatsoever i would absolutely include her in this stuff but she doesn't like kids or babies or pregnancies so i'm not making effort to include her. she then responded that it's unfair of me to talk to 36f about this but not to her and wants to be more involved, but i honestly don't know if i want her involved. she's my sister, i love her, but she clearly doesn't give a shit about the whole concept of having kids. aita for not caring to involve her? info: my sister's 3 kids are 7 years, 3 years, and 8 months. she's made the babysitting comment for all 3 pregnancies, despite 36f never asking her to do anything child related as she made it clear since her teen years that she doesn't like/want kids.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway because my sister is on here. she's 33f and childfree. we have an older sister, 36f, who loves kids and has 3 of her own. 36f told me that when she told 33f she was pregnant the very first thing 33f said was "i'm not babysitting", despite her not asking her to do anything, baby related or otherwise, outside of this. despite this she made an effort to keep 33f up to date in all 3 pregnancies but says she seemed indifferent. 33f doesn't let the kids call her "aunt", only her first name, and calls them brats/rugrats/anklebiters. she says it's all from a place of love and it's just her sense of humour but 36f has sort of avoided 33f being around the kids because of this. i (29f) am pregnant. my wife and i have been trying for a while (sperm donor) and found out we were successful with our last attempt. i am currently 6 months along. 36f was really happy for me when i told her and congratulated both of us. she also talked about how excited she was to be an aunt, asked me about name ideas, wanted to know the due date and updates and was generally really enthusiastic. i didn't bother telling 33f. we just saw each other in person after my belly starting showing and she directly asked if i was pregnant, and i said "yes". she asked when i was due and i told her, and then she nodded and started asking me about work. that was the whole baby conversation. a couple days ago i had a sonogram. i showed it to 36f and she asked what everyone else in our family thought, which is when i realised that i'd neglected to tell a lot of family, mainly the ones in mum's home country. mum passed away several years ago but her relatives (aunts/uncles/cousins) kept in touch, so i posted the sonogram on facebook and a message confirming what the sonogram was. i got a positive response and a lot of support from mum's family. shortly after this 33f privately messaged me. she basically said that she was really upset i wasn't including her the way i'm including 36f and she was hurt that extended family saw the sonogram at the same time as her and she felt excluded. i then responded that if i thought she had any interest at all whatsoever i would absolutely include her in this stuff but she doesn't like kids or babies or pregnancies so i'm not making effort to include her. she then responded that it's unfair of me to talk to 36f about this but not to her and wants to be more involved, but i honestly don't know if i want her involved. she's my sister, i love her, but she clearly doesn't give a shit about the whole concept of having kids. aita for not caring to involve her? info: my sister's 3 kids are 7 years, 3 years, and 8 months. she's made the babysitting comment for all 3 pregnancies, despite 36f never asking her to do anything child related as she made it clear since her teen years that she doesn't like/want kids. [/INST] yta come on, it's super weird to not even tell your sister you're pregnant. just because she doesn't care that much about kids doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. and from her perspective, the demonstrative amount of distance you're keeping probably looks malicious. how hard is it to call your sister and tell her you're pregnant?! honestly. </s>
AITA for allowing my wife to extend her maternity leave at my company but not one of my other employees?	i own a company, and my wife has an executive level position at it. 14 months ago, she gave birth to our son. we elected to have a c section and she went on maternity leave a month before she was scheduled for it. my wife expected that 3 months would be more than enough. however, after giving birth, and having agreed that we would only be having one child together ( i already had 3 daughters), my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son's formative moments because she knew that he'd only be a baby for so long. when the time came when she should have gone back to the office, i didn't have the heart to refuse her when she said she needed more time. after giving birth, she joined a mom specific life coaching program and still sees a life coach regularly. she also volunteered for underprivileged kids. after a year had flown by people started asking my wife when she was coming back. unbeknonst to them, my wife had discussed the fact that she had some light abdominal separation and wanted a tummy tuck, after which she was itching to get back to work. around that time, another employee at the company, " mary", had gone on maternity leave. unfortunately because she has not worked for the company for more than a year, she was not entitled to fmla and was given 6 weeks off for her birth, one week of which she took prior to the birth. around a month ago, we decided to go for it and the surgery went perfectly. my wife was advised to take at least two weeks off from work, but her doctor said to take 4. however, the other day, my wife asked me for around two more weeks before she officially went back to work because more rest after surgery couldn't hurt. i agreed and we announced that she would be resuming her duties february 1st. mary spent 5 weeks after giving birth at home before returning to the office. yesterday, after only a few days back at the office, she asked her manager if she could take more time off, begging for at least a week. the manager in question brought this up with me, and i told him to deny mary her request. the reason is because while my wife's duties could be taken up by others, mary's team was borderline understaffed and her customer service position required her to be there at work. one person leaving is tough on the rest. when i went to personally tell mary this, she looked very upset. she angrily said that my wife has been gone for a year and that the nurse she sees blames the stress and body pains caused by coming back so early for her struggles in breastfeeding. i apologized but reiterated that it was a busy season for the customer service team and that perhaps we could discuss her getting more time off down the line. when i told my sister about this encounter, she said i was being the asshole for giving my wife special treatment. aita for denying mary's request after having just allowed my wife an extra two weeks?	13,989	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s4d8ta/aita_for_allowing_my_wife_to_extend_her_maternity/	2022-01-15 05:48:50	yta and potentially in violation of labor laws. you can't give your wife preferential treatment, especially when a cosmetic procedure is part of the equation. you are wrong in so many ways	yta, good god, give mary a freaking extra week off. your wife gets 52 weeks+ for maternity leave but you won't give mary 6 weeks?" you are basically the reason we all say rich people suck. &#x200b; "good for me, but not for thee"	if your wife is a paid employee of your company, yta. if mary has her wits about her she'll report your business practices as unfair. and she'll win.	yta she was pregnant for 9 month... someone could've hired. someone could've been trained. yes, you favor you wife by miles and thats kind of to be expected but to denie someone in pain one god damn week off... i always wonder if there are kids who want to grow into the disney villian....	yta, it is not the employee's fault that her team is understaffed, it is yours. you are making different rules for individuals based on their relationship to you. you may not be breaking any rules (since it is your company), but morally you are the asshole. if i'm reading correctly, before either extension request, your wife already took off more than double the amount of time as your other employee. if you have now 4 kids, you should understand both the toll giving birth takes on a mom. while you aren't required to do anything, that doesn't mean you shouldn't.	“my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son’s formative moments because she knew that he’d only be a baby for so long.” don’t you think mary and every other parent might feel the same as your wife? how long do you think these formative moments might last? your wife could spend two, three, hell why not four years witnessing all of baby boy’s formative moments. if they’re that important (and i believe those are important moments) then she should quit her job till he goes to preschool or kindergarten. strong yta and mary and every working parent employed by you knows it too.	yta your wife needs to take time off to recover form a tummy tuck but you deny a new mother two weeks additional maternity leave. wow, just wow.	yta- you gave all the personal reasons your wife needed an extra year….plus a cosmetic procedure? also is this leave paid? so she can volunteer and get a life coach instead of working an executive level position? you do realize that’s a pretty important position, right? give mary an extra week and reflect why you seem to have a team stretched so thin that you can’t give an extra week of maternity leave.	yta. 6 weeks off to give birth, establish breastfeeding and recover from growing and birthing a baby? it’s criminal, imo. can you look into accomodating some work from home? and if i was her, i’d be majorly pissed that your wife was given special treatment. it’s not equitable and it’s very blatant.	yta. it’s people like you who are part of the reason why nothing is changing in postnatal care. women need more than 6 weeks post birth to recover. be the change we need.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i own a company, and my wife has an executive level position at it. 14 months ago, she gave birth to our son. we elected to have a c section and she went on maternity leave a month before she was scheduled for it. my wife expected that 3 months would be more than enough. however, after giving birth, and having agreed that we would only be having one child together ( i already had 3 daughters), my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son's formative moments because she knew that he'd only be a baby for so long. when the time came when she should have gone back to the office, i didn't have the heart to refuse her when she said she needed more time. after giving birth, she joined a mom specific life coaching program and still sees a life coach regularly. she also volunteered for underprivileged kids. after a year had flown by people started asking my wife when she was coming back. unbeknonst to them, my wife had discussed the fact that she had some light abdominal separation and wanted a tummy tuck, after which she was itching to get back to work. around that time, another employee at the company, " mary", had gone on maternity leave. unfortunately because she has not worked for the company for more than a year, she was not entitled to fmla and was given 6 weeks off for her birth, one week of which she took prior to the birth. around a month ago, we decided to go for it and the surgery went perfectly. my wife was advised to take at least two weeks off from work, but her doctor said to take 4. however, the other day, my wife asked me for around two more weeks before she officially went back to work because more rest after surgery couldn't hurt. i agreed and we announced that she would be resuming her duties february 1st. mary spent 5 weeks after giving birth at home before returning to the office. yesterday, after only a few days back at the office, she asked her manager if she could take more time off, begging for at least a week. the manager in question brought this up with me, and i told him to deny mary her request. the reason is because while my wife's duties could be taken up by others, mary's team was borderline understaffed and her customer service position required her to be there at work. one person leaving is tough on the rest. when i went to personally tell mary this, she looked very upset. she angrily said that my wife has been gone for a year and that the nurse she sees blames the stress and body pains caused by coming back so early for her struggles in breastfeeding. i apologized but reiterated that it was a busy season for the customer service team and that perhaps we could discuss her getting more time off down the line. when i told my sister about this encounter, she said i was being the asshole for giving my wife special treatment. aita for denying mary's request after having just allowed my wife an extra two weeks?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i own a company, and my wife has an executive level position at it. 14 months ago, she gave birth to our son. we elected to have a c section and she went on maternity leave a month before she was scheduled for it. my wife expected that 3 months would be more than enough. however, after giving birth, and having agreed that we would only be having one child together ( i already had 3 daughters), my wife was exceptionally adamant about not missing a moment of our son's formative moments because she knew that he'd only be a baby for so long. when the time came when she should have gone back to the office, i didn't have the heart to refuse her when she said she needed more time. after giving birth, she joined a mom specific life coaching program and still sees a life coach regularly. she also volunteered for underprivileged kids. after a year had flown by people started asking my wife when she was coming back. unbeknonst to them, my wife had discussed the fact that she had some light abdominal separation and wanted a tummy tuck, after which she was itching to get back to work. around that time, another employee at the company, " mary", had gone on maternity leave. unfortunately because she has not worked for the company for more than a year, she was not entitled to fmla and was given 6 weeks off for her birth, one week of which she took prior to the birth. around a month ago, we decided to go for it and the surgery went perfectly. my wife was advised to take at least two weeks off from work, but her doctor said to take 4. however, the other day, my wife asked me for around two more weeks before she officially went back to work because more rest after surgery couldn't hurt. i agreed and we announced that she would be resuming her duties february 1st. mary spent 5 weeks after giving birth at home before returning to the office. yesterday, after only a few days back at the office, she asked her manager if she could take more time off, begging for at least a week. the manager in question brought this up with me, and i told him to deny mary her request. the reason is because while my wife's duties could be taken up by others, mary's team was borderline understaffed and her customer service position required her to be there at work. one person leaving is tough on the rest. when i went to personally tell mary this, she looked very upset. she angrily said that my wife has been gone for a year and that the nurse she sees blames the stress and body pains caused by coming back so early for her struggles in breastfeeding. i apologized but reiterated that it was a busy season for the customer service team and that perhaps we could discuss her getting more time off down the line. when i told my sister about this encounter, she said i was being the asshole for giving my wife special treatment. aita for denying mary's request after having just allowed my wife an extra two weeks? [/INST] yta and potentially in violation of labor laws. you can't give your wife preferential treatment, especially when a cosmetic procedure is part of the equation. you are wrong in so many ways </s>
AITA for not defending my cousin after he stole my baby name?	i’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with my first child- a little girl! i’ve known for years what i want to name my child. the first name has sentimental meaning for me, and my husband and i chose the second name together. we’ve planned the name for years- when we were dating and talking about the future, one of the things we always said was that our firstborn would have this name. it’s gender neutral, so it didn’t matter if it was a girl or a boy. as soon as we found out i was pregnant, we started referring to the baby by name. because we’ve had this name in mind for so many years, our whole family knows the name and the meaning behind it. we’ve already started decorating the nursery with little items that have the name or initials on them. there’s basically been no question that this would be our child’s name. my cousin’s wife gave birth two weeks ago. they had refused to tell anyone what name(s) they were thinking about during the pregnancy, which is fine. but the name that they ended up choosing is pretty much exactly the same as the name my husband and i chose for our baby. it’s exactly the same first name and then an almost identical second name. it would be like if our baby’s name was mary elizabeth, then the name they chose is mary eliza. the actual name isn’t as traditional/common as that, so it really does stand out as being the same name. i was pretty upset when i found out, because they definitely knew the name we’d chosen and it feels weird and kind of spiteful to use it. i know we don’t own the name or anything, so we can’t stop them from using it, but it still felt pretty icky. my husband and i basically decided to just be sort of privately weirded out but to try our best to ignore it. i sent my cousin a text to tell him and his wife congrats on the baby, and then didn’t reach out any further than that. i didn’t say anything to him about the name. well, it turns out that even though my husband and i are trying to take the high road here, the rest of the family is pretty mad. apparently, a bunch of them (including my cousin’s mom) have reached out and told my cousin and his wife that what they did is really shitty and that they need to think about changing their baby’s name. they’ve also reached out to me to say that they think it’s awful and that they know how much meaning the name has for me. i absolutely didn’t ask them to do this, but i can’t pretend i’m not happy that people are “taking our side.” my cousin called me yesterday and said that i need to call all of our family and tell them to stop pressuring him about the name and that i’m fine with it, because they’re ruining his and his wife’s time with their newborn. i have no intention of doing so because a) i didn’t ask them to talk to him about it in the first place and b) i’m not fine with it; i think it’s weird that he and his wife did this and i have no interest in defending him. aita?	21,052	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f8uwin/aita_for_not_defending_my_cousin_after_he_stole/	2020-02-24 17:43:31	nta. cleary your cousin was keeping the name secret because they knew this was going to cause a ruckus - and did it anyways. good on your family for seeing the bs, too.	nta but also, you do not need this stress at 38 weeks pregnant and it just shows how selfish your cousin really is to try and involve you in something that you tactfully stayed out of.	nta. if they happens to land on the same or a similar name by chance it would be a different thing. but since you've been pretty much advertising the name you'll give to your baby for years... we'll, yeah, that's not cool. you didn't start this, it's not responsibility to stop it. plus, she's assuming you are fine with the name. did she ever bothered to ask? i don't think so.	nta- and i love that your family took it upon themselves to point it out and you didn’t. great job op. these posts happen so much and everyone says “you don’t own names” but holy shit when you tell everyone what you are naming your baby and it’s pretty unique and then someone in the family decides to use it too it’s messed up. there are a million names literally pick any other one.	nta > i need to call all of our family and tell them to stop pressuring him about the name and that i’m fine with it but you're not fine with it. they screwed you and they want you to put in more effort to defend them. they can fight their own battles.	assuming that you're 100000000% sure they knew the exact (both names) you were going to give, then nta. is it a common name where you're from? or a common name in your nationality?	this reminds me of when i wanted to name our first born kid seven and then my wife thought it was silly and mentioned it offhandedly to a couple we had dinner with and then they end up naming their baby seven, i tried to go to the hospital to stop it but they kicked me out.	nta - you are not responsible for your other family member's comments to him and i guessing that he knows what he did was a crappy thing. he's stressed because he got called out on it, and that is his own fault. you are doing the right thing in both ways - by taking the high road and not personally telling him you think what he did was wrong and weird and by letting him deal with it himself.	nta- the entitlement is strong with this one, they knew what they were doing and that’s why it was a secret. actions have consequences let them deal with the mob on their doorstep, they earned it. it’s not the name that is the focus here it was the shitty passive aggressive bullshit they pulled.	these kids are going to be second cousins. tell everyone to calm down and let. it. go. nah (	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NAH	0.000485	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with my first child- a little girl! i’ve known for years what i want to name my child. the first name has sentimental meaning for me, and my husband and i chose the second name together. we’ve planned the name for years- when we were dating and talking about the future, one of the things we always said was that our firstborn would have this name. it’s gender neutral, so it didn’t matter if it was a girl or a boy. as soon as we found out i was pregnant, we started referring to the baby by name. because we’ve had this name in mind for so many years, our whole family knows the name and the meaning behind it. we’ve already started decorating the nursery with little items that have the name or initials on them. there’s basically been no question that this would be our child’s name. my cousin’s wife gave birth two weeks ago. they had refused to tell anyone what name(s) they were thinking about during the pregnancy, which is fine. but the name that they ended up choosing is pretty much exactly the same as the name my husband and i chose for our baby. it’s exactly the same first name and then an almost identical second name. it would be like if our baby’s name was mary elizabeth, then the name they chose is mary eliza. the actual name isn’t as traditional/common as that, so it really does stand out as being the same name. i was pretty upset when i found out, because they definitely knew the name we’d chosen and it feels weird and kind of spiteful to use it. i know we don’t own the name or anything, so we can’t stop them from using it, but it still felt pretty icky. my husband and i basically decided to just be sort of privately weirded out but to try our best to ignore it. i sent my cousin a text to tell him and his wife congrats on the baby, and then didn’t reach out any further than that. i didn’t say anything to him about the name. well, it turns out that even though my husband and i are trying to take the high road here, the rest of the family is pretty mad. apparently, a bunch of them (including my cousin’s mom) have reached out and told my cousin and his wife that what they did is really shitty and that they need to think about changing their baby’s name. they’ve also reached out to me to say that they think it’s awful and that they know how much meaning the name has for me. i absolutely didn’t ask them to do this, but i can’t pretend i’m not happy that people are “taking our side.” my cousin called me yesterday and said that i need to call all of our family and tell them to stop pressuring him about the name and that i’m fine with it, because they’re ruining his and his wife’s time with their newborn. i have no intention of doing so because a) i didn’t ask them to talk to him about it in the first place and b) i’m not fine with it; i think it’s weird that he and his wife did this and i have no interest in defending him. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with my first child- a little girl! i’ve known for years what i want to name my child. the first name has sentimental meaning for me, and my husband and i chose the second name together. we’ve planned the name for years- when we were dating and talking about the future, one of the things we always said was that our firstborn would have this name. it’s gender neutral, so it didn’t matter if it was a girl or a boy. as soon as we found out i was pregnant, we started referring to the baby by name. because we’ve had this name in mind for so many years, our whole family knows the name and the meaning behind it. we’ve already started decorating the nursery with little items that have the name or initials on them. there’s basically been no question that this would be our child’s name. my cousin’s wife gave birth two weeks ago. they had refused to tell anyone what name(s) they were thinking about during the pregnancy, which is fine. but the name that they ended up choosing is pretty much exactly the same as the name my husband and i chose for our baby. it’s exactly the same first name and then an almost identical second name. it would be like if our baby’s name was mary elizabeth, then the name they chose is mary eliza. the actual name isn’t as traditional/common as that, so it really does stand out as being the same name. i was pretty upset when i found out, because they definitely knew the name we’d chosen and it feels weird and kind of spiteful to use it. i know we don’t own the name or anything, so we can’t stop them from using it, but it still felt pretty icky. my husband and i basically decided to just be sort of privately weirded out but to try our best to ignore it. i sent my cousin a text to tell him and his wife congrats on the baby, and then didn’t reach out any further than that. i didn’t say anything to him about the name. well, it turns out that even though my husband and i are trying to take the high road here, the rest of the family is pretty mad. apparently, a bunch of them (including my cousin’s mom) have reached out and told my cousin and his wife that what they did is really shitty and that they need to think about changing their baby’s name. they’ve also reached out to me to say that they think it’s awful and that they know how much meaning the name has for me. i absolutely didn’t ask them to do this, but i can’t pretend i’m not happy that people are “taking our side.” my cousin called me yesterday and said that i need to call all of our family and tell them to stop pressuring him about the name and that i’m fine with it, because they’re ruining his and his wife’s time with their newborn. i have no intention of doing so because a) i didn’t ask them to talk to him about it in the first place and b) i’m not fine with it; i think it’s weird that he and his wife did this and i have no interest in defending him. aita? [/INST] nta. cleary your cousin was keeping the name secret because they knew this was going to cause a ruckus - and did it anyways. good on your family for seeing the bs, too. </s>
AITA for revoking an invite for my sons party?	my son is 8, turning 9 tomorrow. i rented out a bowling alley for his friends. on thursday, i revoked the invite of one of his friends "teddy" over something his mom did that angered me. apparently she had tried "poaching" our sitter who has been with us for three years. my ex and i don't agree on a lot but we agree that our sitter is the best. we are very happy with him and our sons are very attached to him. teddy's mom basically asked our sitter to go work for her and she'd match what we pay plus more. he declined and told us. i asked teddy's mom what happened and she said her sitter quit and finding a good one is hard to find. plus she and her kids know our sitter already. she said it wasn't personal and just "playground politics." then she said she'd see us on sunday and i said no, please don't come. she called me petty. my ex thinks that i shouldn't exclude a kid based on what his mom did but the damage has been done. i don't want to be around someone who did something so sneaky and underhanded.	4,013	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tonvzg/aita_for_revoking_an_invite_for_my_sons_party/	2022-03-26 12:53:26	yta, for punishing teddy, but more importantly, give the sitter a raise.	yta. i worked as a nanny for many many years, and this happens all the time. especially if he’s not a full time employee, or if she was just looking for a date night sitter- she saw a good sitter (which are hard to come by) and offered him a job. there’s really no harm in that. if you are a good and fair employer, you shouldn’t be worried about losing him, but maybe he could find a second gig and make more money. and teddy (and your son) had nothing to do with any of this. why should they both lose a friendship because their moms are so immature?	yta. that poor kid did nothing wrong and he was probably super excited about the party. that was really, really gross and mean.	huge yta, why would you exclude the kid just because you disagree with their parent? and on top of that, it's not like his mom murdered someone - she just wanted to hire your sitter... you have a very strange mentality if you think that warrants all this.	yta one, if your sitter did leave..you could just find someone else. two, you're punishing your child because you're upset. get a grip, op. don't punish the kids.	verdict: yta on the invite revoking. the mom is the asshole here, not the kid. don’t put the two of them in the same boat, for fuck’s sake.	esh. ‘playground politics’ sounds like a soap opera phrase for being a jerk. you are the ah for punishing a kid for his parent’s actions. you could have told her to drop the kid off for the party and for her to not come inside because you don’t want to see her at all.	fyi, even if your sitter had accepted better pay, you do not punish the children for the sins of their parents	info: do you have a non-compete closure in the sitters contract? are they full-time or part-time? did the other family ask them to work full-time or part-time? at the end of the day, your sitter is an employee and they need to eat and pay their living costs. to that end, they get to decide who to work for. it's not underhanded for someone to offer your employee another job with better pay. this happens in every industry, and it's unreasonable to block sitters from the ability to 'climb up' just because they chose to work in childcare. no one would bat an eye if you hired an electrician to work at your house and one of your friends offered them a gig. i think you are taking this too personally, when you do not own the sitter.	yta your son and teddy have nothing to do with you and your petty feuds.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	null	INFO	YTA	0.009259	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son is 8, turning 9 tomorrow. i rented out a bowling alley for his friends. on thursday, i revoked the invite of one of his friends "teddy" over something his mom did that angered me. apparently she had tried "poaching" our sitter who has been with us for three years. my ex and i don't agree on a lot but we agree that our sitter is the best. we are very happy with him and our sons are very attached to him. teddy's mom basically asked our sitter to go work for her and she'd match what we pay plus more. he declined and told us. i asked teddy's mom what happened and she said her sitter quit and finding a good one is hard to find. plus she and her kids know our sitter already. she said it wasn't personal and just "playground politics." then she said she'd see us on sunday and i said no, please don't come. she called me petty. my ex thinks that i shouldn't exclude a kid based on what his mom did but the damage has been done. i don't want to be around someone who did something so sneaky and underhanded.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my son is 8, turning 9 tomorrow. i rented out a bowling alley for his friends. on thursday, i revoked the invite of one of his friends "teddy" over something his mom did that angered me. apparently she had tried "poaching" our sitter who has been with us for three years. my ex and i don't agree on a lot but we agree that our sitter is the best. we are very happy with him and our sons are very attached to him. teddy's mom basically asked our sitter to go work for her and she'd match what we pay plus more. he declined and told us. i asked teddy's mom what happened and she said her sitter quit and finding a good one is hard to find. plus she and her kids know our sitter already. she said it wasn't personal and just "playground politics." then she said she'd see us on sunday and i said no, please don't come. she called me petty. my ex thinks that i shouldn't exclude a kid based on what his mom did but the damage has been done. i don't want to be around someone who did something so sneaky and underhanded. [/INST] yta, for punishing teddy, but more importantly, give the sitter a raise. </s>
AITA for telling my sister I hope she never has kids?	i'm 22f. i have 3yo twin boys and i had a baby girl not even two days ago. my sister, jodie, is 34 and has been suffering with infertility for the past 10 years, as well as repeated miscarriages. i used to feel really bad for her and also a bit guilty as i got pregnant twice while being on contraception. it caused some tension between us when i was pregnant with my twins because she was jealous, and i was already feeling intense guilt. this time around, she wasn't as jealous but i still felt it was unfair. as my husband and i have decided we are done having kids, i offered to be a surrogate for my sister as soon as i'm cleared after this baby and she seemed like she was absolutely over the moon with that. in turn, she offered to watch the twins while i was in labour with my new baby, which was a relief on my part. i went into labour on thursday morning, and jodie came over to watch the kids while my husband and i went to the hospital. she seemed like she was in a great mood, and promptly rushed us out the door. everything seemed fine, until we got home this morning to find thousands worth of destruction to pretty much every baby item we've purchased. even the crib mattress was torn open. everything was ruined. jodie tried to pin it on the twins but they're 3, and this level of destruction had to have been done by an adult. my twins can't even reach some of the stuff that was destroyed, and they certainly do not know how to open diaper packages and tear them apart. i know kids, especially toddlers, can do a lot of damage in a short time but i also know my children aren't capable of doing what happened. i told my sister to get the fuck out of my home and stay away from me and my family. i got really angry, and i said a lot of stuff i shouldn't have, but one of them was, "i hope you never have a child, and if you do then i'll tell it exactly what you've done to mine." i told her we can't afford to fix the damage she's caused but since she still denies it, she wont cough up. i told her because of her the baby doesn't even have a safe space to sleep. my parents caught wind of what i said, and even after i explained the situation, they still think i'm being an asshole for saying something so vile to my sister "after all she's done for us". obviously my judgement is clouded , so am i an asshole?	21,588	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x6mhr7/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_hope_she_never_has/	2022-09-05 17:50:23	nta your sister flew into a jealous rage when faced with all the things she wants and doesn’t have. can you imagine how terrifying that was for your twins? those poor babies.	nta. you might want to call the police and at least get a report filed for the destruction of property if it isn't too late. then you can file an insurance claim. you realize that your children aren't safe around your sister, right? she needs help. immediate help. are your parents aware that their daughter destroyed their grandchild's bed? and clothing? and diapers?	she ruined everything that your new baby was supposed to use because she can't physically have kids herself. why hasn't she adopted if she wants a kid that badly?? you're nta at all and genuinely i hope you press charges, someone with 2 braincells would be able to tell that pair of toddlers wouldnt be able to do that	nta. seriously consider filing a police report. and don't ever let her in your home or near your children again.	nta. your sister is deeply disturbed. your parents probably don't understand the breadth of what happened. take pictures. i'd say this merits some kind of legal action, but i wouldn't know where to start.	nta, but it sounds like your sister needs serious psychiatric help. i'm sorry she did this to you and your family, but you are right to cut her out of your lives for now. her actions are inexcusable	nta. from my perspective, she clearly lost it the second you offered to surrogate for her. in whatever mental state she's gotten herself into over her infertility, she probably saw this as a brag and an insult to her self worth as a woman (not your fault at all, she's obviously suffering from something). this was her revenge, and even if she somehow didn't do it by her own hand, it means that she left your toddlers free to run loose and destroy your home without lifting a finger. either way, she's at fault, take her ass to court and try to impress on your parents that she needs to be seeing a therapist, like, yesterday.	info: can you tell us more about the damage and why it had to have been done by an adult? nta, by the way (even if it was the toddlers, she should have prevented them, obviously) but i'm just flabbergasted that an adult woman would do this after you offered such a generous favor?!	nta - take pictures of the damage, screenshots of any messages you had with her that might further prove your case, other evidence, and bring it to the police. she needs to take financial responsibility for those damages. also, you did nothing wrong, it is not your fault that she is suffering from infertility. you even went above and beyond and offered to be her surrogate, and that is how she thanked you? she needs help, document everything. not to mention she put your children in danger.	why would she destroy thousands of dollars worth of items before you were going to do an expensive favor for her? after all she did for you? babysit once?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	null	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 22f. i have 3yo twin boys and i had a baby girl not even two days ago. my sister, jodie, is 34 and has been suffering with infertility for the past 10 years, as well as repeated miscarriages. i used to feel really bad for her and also a bit guilty as i got pregnant twice while being on contraception. it caused some tension between us when i was pregnant with my twins because she was jealous, and i was already feeling intense guilt. this time around, she wasn't as jealous but i still felt it was unfair. as my husband and i have decided we are done having kids, i offered to be a surrogate for my sister as soon as i'm cleared after this baby and she seemed like she was absolutely over the moon with that. in turn, she offered to watch the twins while i was in labour with my new baby, which was a relief on my part. i went into labour on thursday morning, and jodie came over to watch the kids while my husband and i went to the hospital. she seemed like she was in a great mood, and promptly rushed us out the door. everything seemed fine, until we got home this morning to find thousands worth of destruction to pretty much every baby item we've purchased. even the crib mattress was torn open. everything was ruined. jodie tried to pin it on the twins but they're 3, and this level of destruction had to have been done by an adult. my twins can't even reach some of the stuff that was destroyed, and they certainly do not know how to open diaper packages and tear them apart. i know kids, especially toddlers, can do a lot of damage in a short time but i also know my children aren't capable of doing what happened. i told my sister to get the fuck out of my home and stay away from me and my family. i got really angry, and i said a lot of stuff i shouldn't have, but one of them was, "i hope you never have a child, and if you do then i'll tell it exactly what you've done to mine." i told her we can't afford to fix the damage she's caused but since she still denies it, she wont cough up. i told her because of her the baby doesn't even have a safe space to sleep. my parents caught wind of what i said, and even after i explained the situation, they still think i'm being an asshole for saying something so vile to my sister "after all she's done for us". obviously my judgement is clouded , so am i an asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm 22f. i have 3yo twin boys and i had a baby girl not even two days ago. my sister, jodie, is 34 and has been suffering with infertility for the past 10 years, as well as repeated miscarriages. i used to feel really bad for her and also a bit guilty as i got pregnant twice while being on contraception. it caused some tension between us when i was pregnant with my twins because she was jealous, and i was already feeling intense guilt. this time around, she wasn't as jealous but i still felt it was unfair. as my husband and i have decided we are done having kids, i offered to be a surrogate for my sister as soon as i'm cleared after this baby and she seemed like she was absolutely over the moon with that. in turn, she offered to watch the twins while i was in labour with my new baby, which was a relief on my part. i went into labour on thursday morning, and jodie came over to watch the kids while my husband and i went to the hospital. she seemed like she was in a great mood, and promptly rushed us out the door. everything seemed fine, until we got home this morning to find thousands worth of destruction to pretty much every baby item we've purchased. even the crib mattress was torn open. everything was ruined. jodie tried to pin it on the twins but they're 3, and this level of destruction had to have been done by an adult. my twins can't even reach some of the stuff that was destroyed, and they certainly do not know how to open diaper packages and tear them apart. i know kids, especially toddlers, can do a lot of damage in a short time but i also know my children aren't capable of doing what happened. i told my sister to get the fuck out of my home and stay away from me and my family. i got really angry, and i said a lot of stuff i shouldn't have, but one of them was, "i hope you never have a child, and if you do then i'll tell it exactly what you've done to mine." i told her we can't afford to fix the damage she's caused but since she still denies it, she wont cough up. i told her because of her the baby doesn't even have a safe space to sleep. my parents caught wind of what i said, and even after i explained the situation, they still think i'm being an asshole for saying something so vile to my sister "after all she's done for us". obviously my judgement is clouded , so am i an asshole? [/INST] nta your sister flew into a jealous rage when faced with all the things she wants and doesn’t have. can you imagine how terrifying that was for your twins? those poor babies. </s>
AITA for asking for pocket money because "I am a kid too"	i am 19f, have a little brother who is 8, and living with my parents at the moment. i am still studying so i cannot pay rent yet, but i do earn my own pocket money from part-time jobs. my father's 3 brothers and their family came to our town for a vacation for 3 days over the weekend. they have not met for years so it's their big gathering and they had been planning for a long time. that plan seemed to have the members split into 2 groups - the adults and the kids. i had been arranged to join the kids' group, when i tried to protest they insist that i am a "kid" too, so i just had to submit to my fate. clearly they all just wanted a babysitter for their 5 kids(age 5-10) while they "adults" get out and enjoy their reunion. so i spent the weekend babysitting a total of 5 kids. that includes organizing games at home to entertain them, bring them to science park and the likes for outings and food and just overall watch over their safety and be an "adult" when needed. to be honest it was quite fun, though tiring when i sometimes had to raise my voice to make myself heard and drag the younger ones back when they stray too far(i admit, i am not really babysitter material). the kids seem to like me, so i guess it went well too. however, i still would rather be either hanging out with other adults or just having my weekend to my own. when my 3 uncles' families' were leaving after the weekend, they gave pocket money to each of the kids, including my brother, my father also gave pocket money to each of my cousins. almost as expected, there wasn't a share for me. now, i don't really care about the pocket money, they are just a couple of notes i can easily earn in a few hours, but i am rather annoyed for the fact that conveniently, i was skipped for being an "adult" this time. i put on the biggest smile i and asked politely for pocket money from my uncles and aunt-in laws. they were a little taken aback. i said as sweetly as i could that i deserve pocket money too for being a "kid", they said so themselves. in all awkwardness i got my pocket money. needless to say, my parents looked like they had shit smeared across their faces. i got the biggest shit from my parents after they left. in their words, i am a major ah to have deliberately made my parents lose face, and so on and so forth. aita?	25,752	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2mewl/aita_for_asking_for_pocket_money_because_i_am_a/	2019-09-11 07:31:06	nta it is kinda in poor taste considering you do work, but they conveniently categorize you as a child or adult based on their needs. need a free babysitter? kid. handing out pocket money to children? now you’re an adult. it was the adultier adults here who were assholes. they used you for free childcare when they could have literally just asked you do to it. i’m sure you would have said yes if they hadn’t manipulated you into doing it. good on you for asking for the cash anyway. you can give it to your brother if you like, but the point is you taught the adults a lesson. just because you are someone’s child does not make you a child.	nta either they pay you pocket money for being a kid, or they pay you a hourly rate for being a babysitter. their choice.	i-n-f-o: were you paid for your babysitting duties?	>deliberately made my parents lose face no, their allowing you to be treated unfairly for their benefit made them lose face. nta, and thanks for the laugh!	hahahaha nta at all! that was a boss move! parents have the worst double standards, always extra critical when it comes to our responsibilities once we turn adults, but in the same vein when we demand our rights, suddenly we are just children again! yes, you embarrassed your parents and relatives, but honestly, they deserved it.	nta lol. they got what they had coming. but i wouldn't have asked for pocket money. i would have asked prior to the event to be paid per hour for babysitting. if they had refused then you could have declined doing it.	nta. go to your parents and apologise and say you'll also apologise to your uncles and return the pocket money... if they pay your babysitting bill. and show them how much the babysitting would have cost, broken down by cost per hour per child. show them this thread to let them know they are guilty of major double-standards.	hahaha nta at all, you should have asked for more considering they worked you all weekend. well played	yta a beautiful, well thought out asshole, but an asshole nonetheless. i applaud what you did. it is exactly what you parents, aunts, and uncles deserved, but let's make no mistake, you were intentionally an asshole. it was a truly brilliant move. in life there are moments when being an asshole is necessary. this was one of them.	nta. they got free babysitting and clearly don’t respect you. it’s such a pet peeve when people blatantly flip the kid/adult switch with the teens/yas in their lives according to whichever benefits them most at that moment.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	0.031039	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 19f, have a little brother who is 8, and living with my parents at the moment. i am still studying so i cannot pay rent yet, but i do earn my own pocket money from part-time jobs. my father's 3 brothers and their family came to our town for a vacation for 3 days over the weekend. they have not met for years so it's their big gathering and they had been planning for a long time. that plan seemed to have the members split into 2 groups - the adults and the kids. i had been arranged to join the kids' group, when i tried to protest they insist that i am a "kid" too, so i just had to submit to my fate. clearly they all just wanted a babysitter for their 5 kids(age 5-10) while they "adults" get out and enjoy their reunion. so i spent the weekend babysitting a total of 5 kids. that includes organizing games at home to entertain them, bring them to science park and the likes for outings and food and just overall watch over their safety and be an "adult" when needed. to be honest it was quite fun, though tiring when i sometimes had to raise my voice to make myself heard and drag the younger ones back when they stray too far(i admit, i am not really babysitter material). the kids seem to like me, so i guess it went well too. however, i still would rather be either hanging out with other adults or just having my weekend to my own. when my 3 uncles' families' were leaving after the weekend, they gave pocket money to each of the kids, including my brother, my father also gave pocket money to each of my cousins. almost as expected, there wasn't a share for me. now, i don't really care about the pocket money, they are just a couple of notes i can easily earn in a few hours, but i am rather annoyed for the fact that conveniently, i was skipped for being an "adult" this time. i put on the biggest smile i and asked politely for pocket money from my uncles and aunt-in laws. they were a little taken aback. i said as sweetly as i could that i deserve pocket money too for being a "kid", they said so themselves. in all awkwardness i got my pocket money. needless to say, my parents looked like they had shit smeared across their faces. i got the biggest shit from my parents after they left. in their words, i am a major ah to have deliberately made my parents lose face, and so on and so forth. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am 19f, have a little brother who is 8, and living with my parents at the moment. i am still studying so i cannot pay rent yet, but i do earn my own pocket money from part-time jobs. my father's 3 brothers and their family came to our town for a vacation for 3 days over the weekend. they have not met for years so it's their big gathering and they had been planning for a long time. that plan seemed to have the members split into 2 groups - the adults and the kids. i had been arranged to join the kids' group, when i tried to protest they insist that i am a "kid" too, so i just had to submit to my fate. clearly they all just wanted a babysitter for their 5 kids(age 5-10) while they "adults" get out and enjoy their reunion. so i spent the weekend babysitting a total of 5 kids. that includes organizing games at home to entertain them, bring them to science park and the likes for outings and food and just overall watch over their safety and be an "adult" when needed. to be honest it was quite fun, though tiring when i sometimes had to raise my voice to make myself heard and drag the younger ones back when they stray too far(i admit, i am not really babysitter material). the kids seem to like me, so i guess it went well too. however, i still would rather be either hanging out with other adults or just having my weekend to my own. when my 3 uncles' families' were leaving after the weekend, they gave pocket money to each of the kids, including my brother, my father also gave pocket money to each of my cousins. almost as expected, there wasn't a share for me. now, i don't really care about the pocket money, they are just a couple of notes i can easily earn in a few hours, but i am rather annoyed for the fact that conveniently, i was skipped for being an "adult" this time. i put on the biggest smile i and asked politely for pocket money from my uncles and aunt-in laws. they were a little taken aback. i said as sweetly as i could that i deserve pocket money too for being a "kid", they said so themselves. in all awkwardness i got my pocket money. needless to say, my parents looked like they had shit smeared across their faces. i got the biggest shit from my parents after they left. in their words, i am a major ah to have deliberately made my parents lose face, and so on and so forth. aita? [/INST] nta it is kinda in poor taste considering you do work, but they conveniently categorize you as a child or adult based on their needs. need a free babysitter? kid. handing out pocket money to children? now you’re an adult. it was the adultier adults here who were assholes. they used you for free childcare when they could have literally just asked you do to it. i’m sure you would have said yes if they hadn’t manipulated you into doing it. good on you for asking for the cash anyway. you can give it to your brother if you like, but the point is you taught the adults a lesson. just because you are someone’s child does not make you a child. </s>
AITA for going to my step-daughter’s (11) birthday party instead of my son’s (18) graduation party?	throwaway account i (46m) have two sons (20 "andy" and 18 "sam") from my previous marriage. i got divorced from their mother about seven years ago and have been in my step-daughter, "emma’s", life for six years. i love her to death, and i see her as my own kid. sam graduated back in june and was having a graduation party about a month later. but, his party happened to be the same day as emma’s birthday party. she was really excited about her birthday and told me she wanted me to stay for her party. i said i’d try and call my son about it. the day before their parties, i told sam i would try and stop by, but he kept insisting i come for the full thing. i told him i’d try, but emma’s birthday party is on the same day, and my wife and i have been planning it for over a month now. he just said "okay" and hung up the phone. fast forward to the day of both parties. my wife said i should go to sam’s party. i was planning on doing so, but emma told me she really wanted me to stay. i didn’t want her to be sad at her party, so i agreed and told them i would just leave later. emma’s party was from 4-6 and sam’s was from 4:30-7:30, so i was thinking i had plenty of time. i live over an hour away from my son, so i was planning to leave early. anyway, i was helping my wife with a lot of stuff, taking care of the kids, and other things. by then, it’s already 6 pm and i feel bad. i have so many things to help my wife with for cleaning up, and since i live over an hour away, i know i can’t make it. i did go to his graduation, so i assumed just going the day after to see him would be fine. boy was i wrong. i call him after that and he practically goes insane, telling me he’s extremely angry, saying i love emma more than "my biological kid", and that i always forget about him. he then tells me he doesn’t want me to come the next day and doesn’t want me to talk to him. i haven’t missed a lot of his events, so i feel like he’s overreacting. i didn’t go to his 18th birthday party because of a big meeting i had, and i get why he was mad about that, but this seems like an overreaction. i apologized to him, but he didn’t accept it. my ex-wife and wife said i should have gone and that i was being an idiot. my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true) and that i was being a horrible father. i do feel bad, but i lost track of time. he won’t talk to me and neither will my oldest son. aita?	9,061	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2aish/aita_for_going_to_my_stepdaughters_11_birthday/	2022-07-18 21:17:36	yta >my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true) idk my guy, in this case, you absolutely did choose emma over him. it doesn't help that you say at least twice that he's overreacting, trying to negate his feelings on the issue.	yta you couldve done both things, but catered to your stepdaughter. it wasnt even a round or particularly important birthday either, whilst a graduation is an actual accomplishment. especially on top of you missing his 18th birthday which is one of the important birthdays i mentioned.	yta. this is a pattern, and he's called you out on it. your wife even encouraged you to do the right thing and you still ignored it. minimizing his hurt as "overreactions" is very sad for him; he is obviously feeling rejected by you. think carefully about the relationship you want to have with him, because continuing this pattern is like asking for him to reject you from his life in the future. do you want him to introduce future sos to you? to be invited to his wedding, and have relationships with any future kids? do you want to be a part of his successes? because right now it doesn't seem like it, and it's hurting him. own your behavior, apologize, and do better in the future.	yta. you prioritized work over your son on his 18th birthday and then prioritized your stepdaughter over your son on his graduation party. that is two things you apparently consider more important than your son and his feelings. also, your stepdaughter is 11; that means you have at least 7 more years with her in the house to attend her events. sam, though? this was it - the very last of his "childhood" events that will ever, ever happen, and you didn't even consider it important enough to go to. you were absolutely a horrible father to sam, and it wasn't the first time. it does sound like he's done with you, though, so i guess there is consolation in the fact he will never give you the chance to hurt him again.	your son that you blew off says you're an ah your other son says you're an ah your ex wife says you're an ah your current wife says you're an ah that adds up to yta do better before you permanently destroy your relationship with at least one son but likely both at this point. but i guess it's ok because you have your sd 🤷🏼‍♀️	yta. a child has a birthday every year. they only graduate from high school once in a lifetime.	yta. he's right. you literally chose emma's 11th birthday - not even a milestone birthday - over your biological son's graduation party. you acted like you 'might' show...messing him around and rubbing salt into the wound.	yta-if your two sons agree that you always choose emma over them, then it should be something to thinking about it. i really think that a graduation party with your son should be the priority over your stepdaugher birthday. his whole family were celebrating him and his father wasn't there. even your wife, emma's mother, knew you were in the wrong.	yta you could have done both things but you decided to pick her over your son. no he's not overreacting it was his graduation and he wanted to see his father.	yta - sam will graduate once from high school in his life. emma will have many many birthdays. and you picked your step daughter over your son. you should be ashamed! super super shitty parenting move - and you're still defending yourself. at least be honest and admit that you're a complete ah to sam and that you deserve his nc with you. i feel really bad for sam. he was right - you are a horrible father.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account i (46m) have two sons (20 "andy" and 18 "sam") from my previous marriage. i got divorced from their mother about seven years ago and have been in my step-daughter, "emma’s", life for six years. i love her to death, and i see her as my own kid. sam graduated back in june and was having a graduation party about a month later. but, his party happened to be the same day as emma’s birthday party. she was really excited about her birthday and told me she wanted me to stay for her party. i said i’d try and call my son about it. the day before their parties, i told sam i would try and stop by, but he kept insisting i come for the full thing. i told him i’d try, but emma’s birthday party is on the same day, and my wife and i have been planning it for over a month now. he just said "okay" and hung up the phone. fast forward to the day of both parties. my wife said i should go to sam’s party. i was planning on doing so, but emma told me she really wanted me to stay. i didn’t want her to be sad at her party, so i agreed and told them i would just leave later. emma’s party was from 4-6 and sam’s was from 4:30-7:30, so i was thinking i had plenty of time. i live over an hour away from my son, so i was planning to leave early. anyway, i was helping my wife with a lot of stuff, taking care of the kids, and other things. by then, it’s already 6 pm and i feel bad. i have so many things to help my wife with for cleaning up, and since i live over an hour away, i know i can’t make it. i did go to his graduation, so i assumed just going the day after to see him would be fine. boy was i wrong. i call him after that and he practically goes insane, telling me he’s extremely angry, saying i love emma more than "my biological kid", and that i always forget about him. he then tells me he doesn’t want me to come the next day and doesn’t want me to talk to him. i haven’t missed a lot of his events, so i feel like he’s overreacting. i didn’t go to his 18th birthday party because of a big meeting i had, and i get why he was mad about that, but this seems like an overreaction. i apologized to him, but he didn’t accept it. my ex-wife and wife said i should have gone and that i was being an idiot. my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true) and that i was being a horrible father. i do feel bad, but i lost track of time. he won’t talk to me and neither will my oldest son. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway account i (46m) have two sons (20 "andy" and 18 "sam") from my previous marriage. i got divorced from their mother about seven years ago and have been in my step-daughter, "emma’s", life for six years. i love her to death, and i see her as my own kid. sam graduated back in june and was having a graduation party about a month later. but, his party happened to be the same day as emma’s birthday party. she was really excited about her birthday and told me she wanted me to stay for her party. i said i’d try and call my son about it. the day before their parties, i told sam i would try and stop by, but he kept insisting i come for the full thing. i told him i’d try, but emma’s birthday party is on the same day, and my wife and i have been planning it for over a month now. he just said "okay" and hung up the phone. fast forward to the day of both parties. my wife said i should go to sam’s party. i was planning on doing so, but emma told me she really wanted me to stay. i didn’t want her to be sad at her party, so i agreed and told them i would just leave later. emma’s party was from 4-6 and sam’s was from 4:30-7:30, so i was thinking i had plenty of time. i live over an hour away from my son, so i was planning to leave early. anyway, i was helping my wife with a lot of stuff, taking care of the kids, and other things. by then, it’s already 6 pm and i feel bad. i have so many things to help my wife with for cleaning up, and since i live over an hour away, i know i can’t make it. i did go to his graduation, so i assumed just going the day after to see him would be fine. boy was i wrong. i call him after that and he practically goes insane, telling me he’s extremely angry, saying i love emma more than "my biological kid", and that i always forget about him. he then tells me he doesn’t want me to come the next day and doesn’t want me to talk to him. i haven’t missed a lot of his events, so i feel like he’s overreacting. i didn’t go to his 18th birthday party because of a big meeting i had, and i get why he was mad about that, but this seems like an overreaction. i apologized to him, but he didn’t accept it. my ex-wife and wife said i should have gone and that i was being an idiot. my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true) and that i was being a horrible father. i do feel bad, but i lost track of time. he won’t talk to me and neither will my oldest son. aita? [/INST] yta >my oldest son says i always choose emma over him (which is not true) idk my guy, in this case, you absolutely did choose emma over him. it doesn't help that you say at least twice that he's overreacting, trying to negate his feelings on the issue. </s>
AITA for telling my wife that I don't have to speak to our daughter until I feel comfortable?	found out a couple days ago that our daughter (17f) is pregnant. i was so angry that i just went numb and walked away. i've never been so disappointed in my life. we used to be super close but i don't even talk to her anymore. today my daughter came over to me while i was watching tv and asked if we were still watching the superbowl together. i was going to ignore her, but i told her, "this is the last time i'm speaking to you because obviously everything i've been telling you over the years just goes in one ear and out the other. i've never been so disappointed in my life. i told you about safe sex, condoms, birth control. on top of that, you betrayed my trust. you used to tell me everything. i argued with your mother all those times about letting you go to your boyfriend's house because i thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened. but i was wrong. so from now on, don't talk to me ever again. anything you want to talk to me about, go tell your mother and have her pass it on to me." later, my wife comes into my den and asks what happened. i told her to ask her daughter. she said she did but she couldn't understand her because she was crying so much. i told her what i had said, and she got upset and said that i have to talk to her. i told her "no, i already did. and i'm not talking to her again until i feel comfortable, and i don't know when that might be. maybe never." edit our daughter told us she was pregnant not last friday, but the friday before that. like i said i haven't been speaking to my daughter since then, but my wife used to tell me what was going on until i told her to stop. what i've been told: ▪︎the boyfriend wants to be a part of my daughter's life and raise the baby. ▪︎his family is supportive. ▪︎my daughter and her boyfriend were practicing safe sex and using condoms, but he "ran out" one day and they decided to use the pull-out method. and that's when i told my wife i didn't want to hear anymore.	12,862	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lehkta/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_dont_have_to/	2021-02-07 07:03:59	yta. i’d tell you why but i’m not talking to you.	“you used to tell me everything” you berate your daughter for sharing something really important with you. you destroy her for it. you wonder why you aren’t close anymore? think of the impossible standards you’ve set for her. how about holding yourself accountable for a change? yta	yta, wow, so you are outsourcing your parenting duties to the good ole fashioned silent treatment, eh? guess what? accidents happen. and unless you had a steady supply of condoms/made birth control available to your daughter, then i'm not sure how giving her safe sex talks will help much. safe sex talks also need to be paired with making the resources available to young people. if you don't, they're still going to have sex, because they're still figuring out wtf is going on. she's never had a kid. she doesn't know exactly how hard that can be, especially for a minor. and you decided to make it harder for your temper tantrum. you have proven to your daughter to not share anything with you, because when she does you walk out on her. just expect that by the time you're 'comfortable', you'll turn around and be like 'hey guess what, i'm here emotionally' and she'll be gone, until she's comfortable. she won't know when that might be. hopefully never.	yta >i thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened. she did. you walked away.	yta. you realize this is the kind of stuff teens kill themselves over right? you are acting really immature and selfish and putting a lot of burden on your wife to deal with this. grow up and act like an adult.	yta and you probably just ruined your marriage as well as your relationship with your child. your daughter is probably terrified, your wife is trying to help her child, and you think the best thing is to create a whole new layer of drama and make the situation all about you. you're needed right now by the women in your life, and instead you've decided to be considerably worse than useless. well done.	yta. if i were your wife i would be at the courthouse monday morning filing for divorce, child and spousal support and a move out order for our home effective immediately. you verbally and emotionally abused your child. there is no way around it. if you are this upset then do your wife and daughter a favor and move out.	yta, absolutely. you’re just going to end up pushing her further away. edit. even with that additional information, they are both clearly aware that they fucked up by using the pull out method. you’re still being a complete ah. her bf wants to raise this baby and they have the support of his family. you haven’t spoken to her in two weeks? you need to get over yourself otherwise you will never get to see your grandchild.	yta right now you aren't talking to her. pretty soon it's going to be her not talking to you. say goodbye to ever hearing her say "i love you dad". say goodbye to being called grandpa. say goodbye to walking her down the aisle. say goodbye to her high school graduation. say goodbye to any life changing big events in her life. that's your future if you can't get over yourself. she made a life changing decision. from what you are saying, you are making her life choices all about you and your feelings. boo hoo she didn't trust you enough to tell you before her mother. you know a woman who has actually been pregnant. someone that she loves and trusts that has gone through all the emotions that come with growing a human inside of their body. from your reaction it's not hard to understand why she didn't tell you before her mom. you owe her a massive apology for your behavior. and it's only going to be through her good graces if you ever have a relationship with her again. even if she does act more mature than you and accept your apology, your relationship will never be the same again.	[removed]	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: found out a couple days ago that our daughter (17f) is pregnant. i was so angry that i just went numb and walked away. i've never been so disappointed in my life. we used to be super close but i don't even talk to her anymore. today my daughter came over to me while i was watching tv and asked if we were still watching the superbowl together. i was going to ignore her, but i told her, "this is the last time i'm speaking to you because obviously everything i've been telling you over the years just goes in one ear and out the other. i've never been so disappointed in my life. i told you about safe sex, condoms, birth control. on top of that, you betrayed my trust. you used to tell me everything. i argued with your mother all those times about letting you go to your boyfriend's house because i thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened. but i was wrong. so from now on, don't talk to me ever again. anything you want to talk to me about, go tell your mother and have her pass it on to me." later, my wife comes into my den and asks what happened. i told her to ask her daughter. she said she did but she couldn't understand her because she was crying so much. i told her what i had said, and she got upset and said that i have to talk to her. i told her "no, i already did. and i'm not talking to her again until i feel comfortable, and i don't know when that might be. maybe never." edit our daughter told us she was pregnant not last friday, but the friday before that. like i said i haven't been speaking to my daughter since then, but my wife used to tell me what was going on until i told her to stop. what i've been told: ▪︎the boyfriend wants to be a part of my daughter's life and raise the baby. ▪︎his family is supportive. ▪︎my daughter and her boyfriend were practicing safe sex and using condoms, but he "ran out" one day and they decided to use the pull-out method. and that's when i told my wife i didn't want to hear anymore.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> found out a couple days ago that our daughter (17f) is pregnant. i was so angry that i just went numb and walked away. i've never been so disappointed in my life. we used to be super close but i don't even talk to her anymore. today my daughter came over to me while i was watching tv and asked if we were still watching the superbowl together. i was going to ignore her, but i told her, "this is the last time i'm speaking to you because obviously everything i've been telling you over the years just goes in one ear and out the other. i've never been so disappointed in my life. i told you about safe sex, condoms, birth control. on top of that, you betrayed my trust. you used to tell me everything. i argued with your mother all those times about letting you go to your boyfriend's house because i thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened. but i was wrong. so from now on, don't talk to me ever again. anything you want to talk to me about, go tell your mother and have her pass it on to me." later, my wife comes into my den and asks what happened. i told her to ask her daughter. she said she did but she couldn't understand her because she was crying so much. i told her what i had said, and she got upset and said that i have to talk to her. i told her "no, i already did. and i'm not talking to her again until i feel comfortable, and i don't know when that might be. maybe never." edit our daughter told us she was pregnant not last friday, but the friday before that. like i said i haven't been speaking to my daughter since then, but my wife used to tell me what was going on until i told her to stop. what i've been told: ▪︎the boyfriend wants to be a part of my daughter's life and raise the baby. ▪︎his family is supportive. ▪︎my daughter and her boyfriend were practicing safe sex and using condoms, but he "ran out" one day and they decided to use the pull-out method. and that's when i told my wife i didn't want to hear anymore. [/INST] yta. i’d tell you why but i’m not talking to you. </s>
AITA For Telling My Daughter To Stop Working For Free?	i and my wife raised a very smart and beautiful daughter (currently 16). she always tops class and is even tutoring 4 of her classmates for 2 hours every weekend (except for friday). she also voluntarily helps strangers on social media. i am very proud of her but she is extremely underpaid. her 4 students scores in math and chemistry raised drastically because of her and i really believe she deserves to get paid more. she is currently only getting $10 per session. today i called 1 of her students and told her that starting from this week, the sessions will be raised to $50 and to tell the others. she apologized and cancelled the session for this week. a few hours later my daughter came to me and asked why i did this. i told her she is a great teacher and deserves to be paid much more for this and that she needs to stop being so kind or else people will end up using her. she told me that's none of my business and that i should keep these ‘selfish ideas’ to myself so i took the laptop i bought her and told her if she wants to continue teaching them she should buy her own. i am not allowing her to waste her time like that and told her to go to the room and think better about this. my wife however gave the laptop back to her because she believes my daughter did nothing wrong. i love my daughter with all my heart and it hurts me to see how she’s getting used and how she is wasting her time. she is extremely intelligent and can do much better than this. i continued this conversation separately with my wife but my wife also thinks my views are selfish. i honestly don’t think they are. what do you guys think?	5,357	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/frsz99/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_stop_working_for/	2020-03-30 15:35:35	yta. she wasn’t just tutoring her classmates, she was also spending time and socialising with peers. but even if not - you asked for 5 times what she got paid without even consulting her first. gosh, what an ah you are!	yta not because you think she should be paid more. you're the asshole because you took over the situation like a control freak with no regard for your daughter's wishes or even what's realistic. - you called her clients, without her knowledge, and raised prices, leading to her losing those clients (at least one of them). now instead of making $10 a session, she's making nothing. how is that helpful? -you took her laptop immediately after telling her that you're proud of her and don't want her to be abused. you then tell her to buy her own, immediately after causing her to lose her income. -she's right to call your ideas selfish because you're acting like she should only ever do something if she gets sufficient profit for it. clearly she believes in doing good for the sake of improving the world around her and being a better person. i'm going to guess she got that lesson from mom. high school is supposed to be the time when teens can put more effort into doing things like volunteering and building their character, because they don't have to fight for survival on their own yet. you're squashing that. in one breath you're telling us how much you love her and how proud of her you are, and in the other you're taking direct control of her tutoring and punishing her by taking away one of her tools she uses when being so hardworking.	yta - her life. she's not doing it to make a living. she's not being used. she loves helping others. she's only 16, she doesn't need to sacrifice morals for money just yet. calm down	yta. if people can't afford $50 sessions, that's not good business either. speaking of business, mind your own.	yta. you didnt discuss it with your daughter first and you lost her work. maybe she knows shes undercharging and shes okay with it, because not everyone can afford a $50 fee. it seems very selfish on your part to insist that your daughter earn more because you think she should.	well if your daughter is getting $10 times 4, she's not working for free, is she now? also: asking students to pay 50 bucks for a session is in all likelihood too much of an expense. i sure as hell wouldn't have been able to pay 50$ for a single tutoring session, so all you really accomplished was making sure, that she actually lost the bit of income that she made. next thing, you went over her head. she is 16, making her own money and you are interfering without even talking to her, by telling the students that the price went up. i mean… why? you say she's smart and awesome, but you apparently consider her to be too stupid to make her own decision in this matter. nice one dad. and then you punish her for a mistake you made. you interfered with her business without her desire for you to do so and when she disagreed, you took her laptop away. you behaved like an ah every single step of the way and you're not even close to being in the right here. getting 40$ every week for 2h of work is a great deal for a 16 year old. even if it was 40$ a month (for 8h), it would still be a great deal. this is not a job. she is helping others and she's making a little extra cash out of it. honestly, let her deal with her stuff by herself and get a hobby. yta	yta - you may be right but your daughter needs to learn these lessons for herself and you need to let her. by all means pass along your opinion but calling the friend and bumping the price like that was going too far by orders of magnitude.	yta for taking action yourself. your daughter is running a business. perhaps also getting social gain from it herself. learning business lessons (such as the importance pricing correctly) early is great, especially while she has a financial safety net (you). better than learning later without such a net. let her learn. let her run her business.	yta. you have absolutely no right to essentially ground your daughter for doing a nice thing. you could have talked to her and explained that you thought she deserved to be better compensated but in no way should you have called the people the tutors and outright told them to pay more. did it even cross your mind that they cant pay more? theres a good chance those students cannot actually afford to pay more and you just made them quit the only thing that helps them get better grades.	yta if she wants to be paid more, she can ask to be paid more. she’s old enough to do that herself without your interference. telling her students that you’re increasing her prices by 500% without even asking/letting her know is out of line.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i and my wife raised a very smart and beautiful daughter (currently 16). she always tops class and is even tutoring 4 of her classmates for 2 hours every weekend (except for friday). she also voluntarily helps strangers on social media. i am very proud of her but she is extremely underpaid. her 4 students scores in math and chemistry raised drastically because of her and i really believe she deserves to get paid more. she is currently only getting $10 per session. today i called 1 of her students and told her that starting from this week, the sessions will be raised to $50 and to tell the others. she apologized and cancelled the session for this week. a few hours later my daughter came to me and asked why i did this. i told her she is a great teacher and deserves to be paid much more for this and that she needs to stop being so kind or else people will end up using her. she told me that's none of my business and that i should keep these ‘selfish ideas’ to myself so i took the laptop i bought her and told her if she wants to continue teaching them she should buy her own. i am not allowing her to waste her time like that and told her to go to the room and think better about this. my wife however gave the laptop back to her because she believes my daughter did nothing wrong. i love my daughter with all my heart and it hurts me to see how she’s getting used and how she is wasting her time. she is extremely intelligent and can do much better than this. i continued this conversation separately with my wife but my wife also thinks my views are selfish. i honestly don’t think they are. what do you guys think?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i and my wife raised a very smart and beautiful daughter (currently 16). she always tops class and is even tutoring 4 of her classmates for 2 hours every weekend (except for friday). she also voluntarily helps strangers on social media. i am very proud of her but she is extremely underpaid. her 4 students scores in math and chemistry raised drastically because of her and i really believe she deserves to get paid more. she is currently only getting $10 per session. today i called 1 of her students and told her that starting from this week, the sessions will be raised to $50 and to tell the others. she apologized and cancelled the session for this week. a few hours later my daughter came to me and asked why i did this. i told her she is a great teacher and deserves to be paid much more for this and that she needs to stop being so kind or else people will end up using her. she told me that's none of my business and that i should keep these ‘selfish ideas’ to myself so i took the laptop i bought her and told her if she wants to continue teaching them she should buy her own. i am not allowing her to waste her time like that and told her to go to the room and think better about this. my wife however gave the laptop back to her because she believes my daughter did nothing wrong. i love my daughter with all my heart and it hurts me to see how she’s getting used and how she is wasting her time. she is extremely intelligent and can do much better than this. i continued this conversation separately with my wife but my wife also thinks my views are selfish. i honestly don’t think they are. what do you guys think? [/INST] yta. she wasn’t just tutoring her classmates, she was also spending time and socialising with peers. but even if not - you asked for 5 times what she got paid without even consulting her first. gosh, what an ah you are! </s>
AITA for not inviting family members to my wedding?	this goes back 3 years when my mom and her girlfriend got engaged. my mom put in so much time and energy into organizing this wedding and was so excited. she sent out invites to all our family members 4 months in advance, & almost everyone confirmed they would be going. barely a week before the wedding, she received several messages from aunts and uncles who said they wont be going because they had “other commitments” despite confirming they’d be there months prior. one of my aunts (my grandma’s sister) confronted my mom and said many weren’t going because they still didn’t agree with the fact that she was marrying a woman, including herself because it went against her “christian views”, meanwhile my hardcore christian grandma was more than happy to walk my mom down the isle. this upset my mom but she tried not to let it ruin her wedding. i however, was furious. only my grandma, my mom’s sister, a few cousins, and another aunt attended the wedding; while my stepmom’s entire family came. what really pissed me off was that 2 wks later, my cousin who lives in a totally different state celebrated her sweet 16 and everyone who made excuses about not going to my moms wedding made the journey all the way over there and posted pictures all over facebook. it really broke my mom’s heart and just felt like salt in the wound. i swore then that when i got married, everyone who did not show up to my mom’s wedding would not be invited to mine. fast forward to now , me and my girlfriend of two years got married first week of march and i kept my word. the only ones we invited to our wedding was the family that did go to my mom’s, and one other aunt who did have a good reason for not being there at the time because she was recovering from surgery. we even invited my stepmom’s family too. obviously my other family members found out and expressed their hurt over not being invited. i called them all out and said if they had a problem with my mom for being who she is, then they had a problem with me and i wouldn’t let toxic people be apart of a special day for me and my wife. my wife stood behind my decision, as did my mom. that still doesn’t seem to stop them from thinking it was a dick move and are turning it into a whole family drama because they think it was unfair to “punish” them for simply believing in something different. aita?	22,444	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g2zj2r/aita_for_not_inviting_family_members_to_my_wedding/	2020-04-17 10:36:44	nta. i'd have done the same thing. exclude my mother and you'll be forever excluded by me. the fact they rsvped yes then pulled out makes it even worse.	nta. your dedication to your mother is heartwarming. i would be beaming with pride if i were her. wishing you both every happiness.	> they think it was unfair to “punish” them for simply believing in something different. they believe that marriage should be reserved for a man and a woman only. you believe that homophobes are assholes who shouldn't be invited to your wedding. if they can't change their "beliefs" for one day then ooops neither can you. nta.	nta you are a good kid for your mom. tell them they and their views can go pound sand and you give a shit how they feel. just like they gave a shit about your mum. you guys dont need these bigots	nta. they reacted like that because their ego got hurt from being left out. they just wanted to make you feel bad. if you have sent an invite, they would shit all over it. fuck toxic family members.	nta i'm proud of your grandma though, she went to your mom's wedding despite being hardocre christian. nice lady. also wtf is wrong with the rest of your family? why they feel so entitled to go?	nta you're my hero right now. thank you for backing up your mom in a very clear way. they didn't want to go to her wedding because she married a woman. you didn't want homophobes at yours.	>unfair to “punish” them for simply believing in something different. isn't that what they did to your mum? hey, guess what, you're allowed to judge people on their values and behaviour. you might have to accept consequences from taking a stand, which you seem prepared for, but they feel they should be immune from. they are the arseholes. you are nta.	nta - after what they pulled you'd have been well within your rights to invite them then uninvite them the morning of and have security block them at the door.	this sub is hilarious. no way op actually is worried he is an asshole. this sub just exists for people to tell their revenge stories.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this goes back 3 years when my mom and her girlfriend got engaged. my mom put in so much time and energy into organizing this wedding and was so excited. she sent out invites to all our family members 4 months in advance, & almost everyone confirmed they would be going. barely a week before the wedding, she received several messages from aunts and uncles who said they wont be going because they had “other commitments” despite confirming they’d be there months prior. one of my aunts (my grandma’s sister) confronted my mom and said many weren’t going because they still didn’t agree with the fact that she was marrying a woman, including herself because it went against her “christian views”, meanwhile my hardcore christian grandma was more than happy to walk my mom down the isle. this upset my mom but she tried not to let it ruin her wedding. i however, was furious. only my grandma, my mom’s sister, a few cousins, and another aunt attended the wedding; while my stepmom’s entire family came. what really pissed me off was that 2 wks later, my cousin who lives in a totally different state celebrated her sweet 16 and everyone who made excuses about not going to my moms wedding made the journey all the way over there and posted pictures all over facebook. it really broke my mom’s heart and just felt like salt in the wound. i swore then that when i got married, everyone who did not show up to my mom’s wedding would not be invited to mine. fast forward to now , me and my girlfriend of two years got married first week of march and i kept my word. the only ones we invited to our wedding was the family that did go to my mom’s, and one other aunt who did have a good reason for not being there at the time because she was recovering from surgery. we even invited my stepmom’s family too. obviously my other family members found out and expressed their hurt over not being invited. i called them all out and said if they had a problem with my mom for being who she is, then they had a problem with me and i wouldn’t let toxic people be apart of a special day for me and my wife. my wife stood behind my decision, as did my mom. that still doesn’t seem to stop them from thinking it was a dick move and are turning it into a whole family drama because they think it was unfair to “punish” them for simply believing in something different. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this goes back 3 years when my mom and her girlfriend got engaged. my mom put in so much time and energy into organizing this wedding and was so excited. she sent out invites to all our family members 4 months in advance, & almost everyone confirmed they would be going. barely a week before the wedding, she received several messages from aunts and uncles who said they wont be going because they had “other commitments” despite confirming they’d be there months prior. one of my aunts (my grandma’s sister) confronted my mom and said many weren’t going because they still didn’t agree with the fact that she was marrying a woman, including herself because it went against her “christian views”, meanwhile my hardcore christian grandma was more than happy to walk my mom down the isle. this upset my mom but she tried not to let it ruin her wedding. i however, was furious. only my grandma, my mom’s sister, a few cousins, and another aunt attended the wedding; while my stepmom’s entire family came. what really pissed me off was that 2 wks later, my cousin who lives in a totally different state celebrated her sweet 16 and everyone who made excuses about not going to my moms wedding made the journey all the way over there and posted pictures all over facebook. it really broke my mom’s heart and just felt like salt in the wound. i swore then that when i got married, everyone who did not show up to my mom’s wedding would not be invited to mine. fast forward to now , me and my girlfriend of two years got married first week of march and i kept my word. the only ones we invited to our wedding was the family that did go to my mom’s, and one other aunt who did have a good reason for not being there at the time because she was recovering from surgery. we even invited my stepmom’s family too. obviously my other family members found out and expressed their hurt over not being invited. i called them all out and said if they had a problem with my mom for being who she is, then they had a problem with me and i wouldn’t let toxic people be apart of a special day for me and my wife. my wife stood behind my decision, as did my mom. that still doesn’t seem to stop them from thinking it was a dick move and are turning it into a whole family drama because they think it was unfair to “punish” them for simply believing in something different. aita? [/INST] nta. i'd have done the same thing. exclude my mother and you'll be forever excluded by me. the fact they rsvped yes then pulled out makes it even worse. </s>
AITA for embarrassing my dad after he stole my truck?	i (17f) recently got a truck. it was my dad’s old truck that i’ve wanted since i was little. my dad gave it to me after he was able to buy a different used vehicle for himself, one of those pick-up trucks with the big wheels and all that. well, the other day, his window stopped working. it wouldn’t roll up or down, it actually started to slip down to where it stayed open. this is a problem because where we are, it rains quite a lot. me and my dad are the only ones here that have vehicles as my mom is a sahm and my little brother is too young to drive. he asked me if he could take my truck to work while his truck’s being repaired, but i told him no because i need to get to school and we have different schedules. he leaves for work two hours earlier than i do. i stay after school for an extra three hours so he gets home before me. he told me i could get a ride with a friend, but the closet friend lives 30 minutes away, and they wouldn’t be able to bring me home after school. i told him he could get a ride, but he said no one could. i’m not willing to wake up at four in the morning to take him to work anyway. well, yesterday morning i woke up and my truck was gone. i got a text from him saying that he called a friend of mine and that they’ll bring me to school and he’ll pick me up, but i’m pissed. i called him and he didn’t answer, so i left a very aggressive voicemail. anyway, last night dad had a dinner with his boss. his boss was asking about dad’s truck in the shop and saying how he was lucky he had an extra truck and such. i interjected here and said he was “lucky” that i didn’t call the police after he stole my truck. the room went very quiet and my mom called me out from the room. after his boss left, dad came to me angry that i embarrassed him. i told him it was his own fault because he’s the one who stole my truck after i told him not to. mom agrees with him though and now i’m grounded even though he’s the one who stole my truck. aita??	4,040	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xwtg85/aita_for_embarrassing_my_dad_after_he_stole_my/	2022-10-06 02:16:41	yta. are you aware your dad needs to work so he can afford feeding your whole family?	yta. you are 17, so i highly doubt the truck is in your name, so technically it still is your dad’s.. and he paid for it, so he can drive it when he wants to.	yta. an absolute spoiled brat by the sounds of it. your dad gave you the truck. and your dad needs to borrow it to get to a job, so he can keep a roof over your head and food in your belly. and you go and purposefully embarrass him in front of his boss, thus endangering his employment. yet you somehow think that you are still the victim here. if you were my kid you would be losing all rights to the truck again permanently.	since you're a minor, is the truck in your name or is it still in his name and he's letting you drive it? are you paying for the registration and insurance? he made arrangements for you to get a ride. did the person he made those arrangements with give you a ride to and from school? yta. your dad made arrangements so that both of you could get where you needed to go. your dad's paycheck allows you to have that truck, along with the roof over your head and food in your belly. also, if you have a complaint about your father, you don't air it in front of his employer.	yta. i’d take the truck from you. you are ungrateful and childish for saying something like that in front of your dad’s boss.	yta. do you pay the insurance on that truck? did you pay the registration fee? is the title in your name? he gave you the use of the truck and now you refuse to help him when his truck is being repaired. you sound incredibly ungrateful. i'd be incredibly embarrassed by your behavior too.	this. is. hilarious. like dude everything your dad did was reasonable up to and including making sure you had a ride to school. and you had to call him out. the person who raised you, gave you the fucking truck in the first place and will no doubt be supporting you financially for years. on balance and considering the points raised where you acted unreasonably this seems more and more like ragebait. but whatever yta…	you do realize that your a minor and he still legally owns the truck, right? it won’t be able to be put in your name til your at least eighteen, and i’d be surprised if your dad doesn’t take his truck back after everything you’ve put him through. yta. also, as someone else on here said, your dad is making money to put food on the table. food on the table trumps using the truck for school.	yta . how did you get to school before your parents gave you a truck? you could have taken a bus to school.	yta but only because your dad gave you his truck! had you bought it for fair price, it would be a different story.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17f) recently got a truck. it was my dad’s old truck that i’ve wanted since i was little. my dad gave it to me after he was able to buy a different used vehicle for himself, one of those pick-up trucks with the big wheels and all that. well, the other day, his window stopped working. it wouldn’t roll up or down, it actually started to slip down to where it stayed open. this is a problem because where we are, it rains quite a lot. me and my dad are the only ones here that have vehicles as my mom is a sahm and my little brother is too young to drive. he asked me if he could take my truck to work while his truck’s being repaired, but i told him no because i need to get to school and we have different schedules. he leaves for work two hours earlier than i do. i stay after school for an extra three hours so he gets home before me. he told me i could get a ride with a friend, but the closet friend lives 30 minutes away, and they wouldn’t be able to bring me home after school. i told him he could get a ride, but he said no one could. i’m not willing to wake up at four in the morning to take him to work anyway. well, yesterday morning i woke up and my truck was gone. i got a text from him saying that he called a friend of mine and that they’ll bring me to school and he’ll pick me up, but i’m pissed. i called him and he didn’t answer, so i left a very aggressive voicemail. anyway, last night dad had a dinner with his boss. his boss was asking about dad’s truck in the shop and saying how he was lucky he had an extra truck and such. i interjected here and said he was “lucky” that i didn’t call the police after he stole my truck. the room went very quiet and my mom called me out from the room. after his boss left, dad came to me angry that i embarrassed him. i told him it was his own fault because he’s the one who stole my truck after i told him not to. mom agrees with him though and now i’m grounded even though he’s the one who stole my truck. aita??	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (17f) recently got a truck. it was my dad’s old truck that i’ve wanted since i was little. my dad gave it to me after he was able to buy a different used vehicle for himself, one of those pick-up trucks with the big wheels and all that. well, the other day, his window stopped working. it wouldn’t roll up or down, it actually started to slip down to where it stayed open. this is a problem because where we are, it rains quite a lot. me and my dad are the only ones here that have vehicles as my mom is a sahm and my little brother is too young to drive. he asked me if he could take my truck to work while his truck’s being repaired, but i told him no because i need to get to school and we have different schedules. he leaves for work two hours earlier than i do. i stay after school for an extra three hours so he gets home before me. he told me i could get a ride with a friend, but the closet friend lives 30 minutes away, and they wouldn’t be able to bring me home after school. i told him he could get a ride, but he said no one could. i’m not willing to wake up at four in the morning to take him to work anyway. well, yesterday morning i woke up and my truck was gone. i got a text from him saying that he called a friend of mine and that they’ll bring me to school and he’ll pick me up, but i’m pissed. i called him and he didn’t answer, so i left a very aggressive voicemail. anyway, last night dad had a dinner with his boss. his boss was asking about dad’s truck in the shop and saying how he was lucky he had an extra truck and such. i interjected here and said he was “lucky” that i didn’t call the police after he stole my truck. the room went very quiet and my mom called me out from the room. after his boss left, dad came to me angry that i embarrassed him. i told him it was his own fault because he’s the one who stole my truck after i told him not to. mom agrees with him though and now i’m grounded even though he’s the one who stole my truck. aita?? [/INST] yta. are you aware your dad needs to work so he can afford feeding your whole family? </s>
AITA for telling my best friend I love him on his wedding night?	last december, my (28f) best friend (32m) married his girlfriend (30f) of 2 years. they had a beautiful white tie garden wedding at a nice estate. i've known my best friend since childhood. we used to spend every second together. we went to the same elementary and high school and only lived a few doors down from each other. we kept talking when he went to university, but stopped talking for about 4 years when i went and and made different friends, but eventually we both found jobs in our hometown and reconnected.* i've always thought my best friend was attractive, but i never made a move because i'm a more traditional person and he never asked. we both went to prom with different people, dated different people in college, etc. we never kissed or had any other physicality. so fast forward to his wedding night - the whole thing felt wrong to me. i ended up liking his now-wife, but during the period in which they were dating and engaged i still hung out with my best friend all the time. we'd go stargazing, hiking, etc. but there was never any romantic subtext to it. on the night of the wedding, i asked one of my other friends what i should do, and she recommended that i tell him my feelings before the wedding. she said i would regret it forever if i didn't. i realized this was true. i didn't get a chance to talk to him before the ceremony, but afterwards i managed to pull him aside and tell him that i've loved him forever. he started to cry and told me to leave. i've only spoken to him once since last december, when he texted me to make sure i was fine considering the current plague. aita? if i am, please help me resolve this. i really miss my best friend.	9,323	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gpzwex/aita_for_telling_my_best_friend_i_love_him_on_his/	2020-05-24 23:32:02	yta. "if you don't, you'll regret it forever." are you kidding? you just made his wedding day about you and your feelings. you either should have told him long before the wedding, or you should have kept your mouth shut. now he'll always remember that on his wedding day, and it's your fault.	yta. what you did was so selfish. who cares if you’d regret not being honest about something that is, frankly, immaterial if it comes at the price of ruining your friend’s wedding? he’s about to marry the love of his life and you pulled him aside to confess your love for him? that is narcissistic. nothing about that moment or day should have been about you, but you just had to seize your moment and dodge an apparent lifetime of regret because you didn’t have the stones to do it at an appropriate time (ie before he was in a relationship).	yta. it was his wedding night. what were you thinking? also, your friend who told you to tell him is ta.	yta - out of all time you decided to tell him on his special day and destroy everything. i’m sorry but it really looked like you’re trying to ruin the wedding on purpose.	yta. you’ve known him since childhood and chose to wait until his wedding day, what’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life, to express your feelings? it’s incredibly selfish, likely ruined his day, and could’ve ruined his entire relationship. that was his day and you made it about you. you are definitely ta.	oof. yta big time. he is in love and getting married and you ruined his one night his for yourself. how incredibly selfish this is not a rom com. you really need to move on	yta life isn’t a rom com. did you think he would ditch the new wife and ride off into the sunset with you? what was the end game here? all you did was ruin a friendship and taint his wedding day. how utterly selfish and immature	yta how could you not be? you took a day all about your “best friend” and his new wife, and made it all about yourself. your actions were purely selfish, and i wouldn’t blame him if your relationship never recovered. you chose the absolute worst possible time to share this information. have you never seen a romcom with this plot? what did you think would happen? that he would annul his brand new marriage and confess his love for you too? if i was his new wife, and i knew what you’d done, i wouldn’t support a relationship with you. i’m not saying i wouldn’t “not allow” it, but i wouldn’t encourage it to continue. you showed absolutely no respect for their relationship, so why should she show any for yours?	first of all yta. for all the reasons other people have stated. second of all. >i never made a move because i'm a more traditional person and he never asked. fuck that noise. you wanted something but put no effort into getting it. you expect someone else to come and hand it to you under the pretense of "tradition". well you missed out and now you're sad that someone else got it, and decided to make your friends wedding about you. good job.	yta. you had your whole life to do this. congrats you ruined the friendship.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last december, my (28f) best friend (32m) married his girlfriend (30f) of 2 years. they had a beautiful white tie garden wedding at a nice estate. i've known my best friend since childhood. we used to spend every second together. we went to the same elementary and high school and only lived a few doors down from each other. we kept talking when he went to university, but stopped talking for about 4 years when i went and and made different friends, but eventually we both found jobs in our hometown and reconnected.* i've always thought my best friend was attractive, but i never made a move because i'm a more traditional person and he never asked. we both went to prom with different people, dated different people in college, etc. we never kissed or had any other physicality. so fast forward to his wedding night - the whole thing felt wrong to me. i ended up liking his now-wife, but during the period in which they were dating and engaged i still hung out with my best friend all the time. we'd go stargazing, hiking, etc. but there was never any romantic subtext to it. on the night of the wedding, i asked one of my other friends what i should do, and she recommended that i tell him my feelings before the wedding. she said i would regret it forever if i didn't. i realized this was true. i didn't get a chance to talk to him before the ceremony, but afterwards i managed to pull him aside and tell him that i've loved him forever. he started to cry and told me to leave. i've only spoken to him once since last december, when he texted me to make sure i was fine considering the current plague. aita? if i am, please help me resolve this. i really miss my best friend.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> last december, my (28f) best friend (32m) married his girlfriend (30f) of 2 years. they had a beautiful white tie garden wedding at a nice estate. i've known my best friend since childhood. we used to spend every second together. we went to the same elementary and high school and only lived a few doors down from each other. we kept talking when he went to university, but stopped talking for about 4 years when i went and and made different friends, but eventually we both found jobs in our hometown and reconnected.* i've always thought my best friend was attractive, but i never made a move because i'm a more traditional person and he never asked. we both went to prom with different people, dated different people in college, etc. we never kissed or had any other physicality. so fast forward to his wedding night - the whole thing felt wrong to me. i ended up liking his now-wife, but during the period in which they were dating and engaged i still hung out with my best friend all the time. we'd go stargazing, hiking, etc. but there was never any romantic subtext to it. on the night of the wedding, i asked one of my other friends what i should do, and she recommended that i tell him my feelings before the wedding. she said i would regret it forever if i didn't. i realized this was true. i didn't get a chance to talk to him before the ceremony, but afterwards i managed to pull him aside and tell him that i've loved him forever. he started to cry and told me to leave. i've only spoken to him once since last december, when he texted me to make sure i was fine considering the current plague. aita? if i am, please help me resolve this. i really miss my best friend. [/INST] yta. "if you don't, you'll regret it forever." are you kidding? you just made his wedding day about you and your feelings. you either should have told him long before the wedding, or you should have kept your mouth shut. now he'll always remember that on his wedding day, and it's your fault. </s>
AITA For removing tree roots from my yard	my family and i moved into a new home this spring. we had previously lived in apartments and we now have our first yard for our kids to play in. the neighborhood we moved into has a lot of mature trees, and this being the first time i've had to do my own yard work, there has been a learning curve. one of my neighbor's yard is separated from ours by a chain link fence. there is a large tree just on their side of the fence. some roots from the tree spread into my yard and some of them are growing on the surface of the ground. they are visible and are above the ground quite a bit. about a month ago, my kids were running around and playing and my daughter tripped on one of the roots, fell, and ended up breaking her wrist trying to catch herself. of course, this was very upsetting to my wife and i and she pretty much told me to do something about the roots so this didn't happen again. so, i bought some tools and started tearing the roots up as best i could. i got them out to a point that nothing is sticking above the ground anymore and filled the top in with fresh soil and grass seed. my neighbor must have noticed the work i did because he made a comment about the fresh soil. i told him i had to remove some roots since my daughter tripped on one. he asked what i meant by "remove" and i told him i dug a bunch out and cut them out as best i could. he got pissed and told me i probably killed his tree. i told him that removing a few roots isn't going to hurt a tree that big and they were creating a tripping hazard. and since they were in my yard, i did what i needed to do to remove them. he told me there are other ways to deal with roots like that instead of cutting them out and causing stress to the tree and he would have gladly helped if i had asked. he said that tree is probably going to die which means it is probably going to have to be removed and said that a tree that large is going to cost thousands of dollars to take out. i told him that sounds ridiculously expensive. he said if the tree dies and he has to have it cut down, he's going to ask me to pay for some of it because of what i did to the roots. i told him good luck with that and that i'm not paying anything for his tree. he called me an asshole and told me the previous neighbors at least had the decency to ask for help when they didn't know what the hell they were doing instead of causing damage to other people's property. i told my wife about it and she thinks the guy is just being a jerk and agrees with me that taking a few roots from the top of the ground isn't going to hurt a tree that big. she also agrees that there is no way in hell we are going to pay for anything for this guy's tree. we were just making sure our yard is safe for our kids to play in, it's not our fault his tree grew roots into our yard.	12,109	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p5gozl/aita_for_removing_tree_roots_from_my_yard/	2021-08-16 14:03:16	yta. you should have told him what you were doing since it is his tree. yes, even though the roots were on your side of the fence. it's the neighborly thing to do. and speaking as someone with a fair amount of experience with plants, depending on what kind of roots you hacked away, how many there were, and what you did to the open wounds before covering with dirt, there is a chance you could kill the tree.	yes it’s your property, but you really should have at least talked to your neighbor first to come up with a solution. it does cost thousands of dollars to remove big trees. you had to know that ripping out roots would hurt the tree… yta	sorry but yta. you probably didn’t know this but if you damage his tree by cutting the roots, you are liable for the tree if it dies. you definitely should have spoken to him before cutting the roots. we did a ton of work in our very old property. the trees in my neighbor’s property close to our boundary died (possibly as a result of the work we did). our family lawyer advised us to pay to have the trees removed. it wasn’t contentious and we are friendly with the neighbors but it was the right thing to do.	ooof. you better look up tree law for your area bub. it wasn't your tree and you probably killed it or seriously hurt it. maybe teach your kids to be more careful instead? i learnt pretty young to watch where i'm running. yta.	yta. how would you like it if someone hacked something of yours apart without asking first? clearly the actions and justifications of the entitled. i hope the tree dies and you end up paying for it.	yta. you do realize you have also compromised the tree stability, meaning in severe weather it has a greater risk of falling and causing damages.	yta 1: you could have covered the roots with more soil and sod/seed 2: removing roots will at least make the tree sickly, if not outright killing it. i imagine the leaves are droopy on it now. ive done some work with tree health in one of my research jobs many moons ago and generally, you can safely prune roots that are 3-5 times the diameter away from your tree. so, if your tree has a diameter of 3 feet, only cut tree roots 9-15 feet away from the tree. info: how big is the tree (the diameter of the canopy) &#x200b; info: how far away from the base of the tree were your cuts? if this tree is as large as you say...you probably killed the tree regardless, if the tree dies, you'll be paying for it.	arborist here: you most likely killed the tree, those surface roots are the most important. your neighbor’s estimate of the cost sounds accurate. yta	yta and just know that if the tree does die, you will be held responsible for it as you were the one who destroyed it. you admitted to not knowing what you are doing, you should have asked you neighbor before you decided to destroy his tree. your excuse as to why isn't a good one either. kids trip and hurt themselves all the time, are you going to take away all the toys they can trip over? how about their bikes, they can really hurt themselves on those. better get rid of those. hopefully your neighbor isn't sue happy.	yta for admitting you know nothing, damaging a tree cuz your kid fell( like are you going to just destroy everything that she trips over? what sense does this make??) then calling your neighbor an asshole for your bad choices.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my family and i moved into a new home this spring. we had previously lived in apartments and we now have our first yard for our kids to play in. the neighborhood we moved into has a lot of mature trees, and this being the first time i've had to do my own yard work, there has been a learning curve. one of my neighbor's yard is separated from ours by a chain link fence. there is a large tree just on their side of the fence. some roots from the tree spread into my yard and some of them are growing on the surface of the ground. they are visible and are above the ground quite a bit. about a month ago, my kids were running around and playing and my daughter tripped on one of the roots, fell, and ended up breaking her wrist trying to catch herself. of course, this was very upsetting to my wife and i and she pretty much told me to do something about the roots so this didn't happen again. so, i bought some tools and started tearing the roots up as best i could. i got them out to a point that nothing is sticking above the ground anymore and filled the top in with fresh soil and grass seed. my neighbor must have noticed the work i did because he made a comment about the fresh soil. i told him i had to remove some roots since my daughter tripped on one. he asked what i meant by "remove" and i told him i dug a bunch out and cut them out as best i could. he got pissed and told me i probably killed his tree. i told him that removing a few roots isn't going to hurt a tree that big and they were creating a tripping hazard. and since they were in my yard, i did what i needed to do to remove them. he told me there are other ways to deal with roots like that instead of cutting them out and causing stress to the tree and he would have gladly helped if i had asked. he said that tree is probably going to die which means it is probably going to have to be removed and said that a tree that large is going to cost thousands of dollars to take out. i told him that sounds ridiculously expensive. he said if the tree dies and he has to have it cut down, he's going to ask me to pay for some of it because of what i did to the roots. i told him good luck with that and that i'm not paying anything for his tree. he called me an asshole and told me the previous neighbors at least had the decency to ask for help when they didn't know what the hell they were doing instead of causing damage to other people's property. i told my wife about it and she thinks the guy is just being a jerk and agrees with me that taking a few roots from the top of the ground isn't going to hurt a tree that big. she also agrees that there is no way in hell we are going to pay for anything for this guy's tree. we were just making sure our yard is safe for our kids to play in, it's not our fault his tree grew roots into our yard.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my family and i moved into a new home this spring. we had previously lived in apartments and we now have our first yard for our kids to play in. the neighborhood we moved into has a lot of mature trees, and this being the first time i've had to do my own yard work, there has been a learning curve. one of my neighbor's yard is separated from ours by a chain link fence. there is a large tree just on their side of the fence. some roots from the tree spread into my yard and some of them are growing on the surface of the ground. they are visible and are above the ground quite a bit. about a month ago, my kids were running around and playing and my daughter tripped on one of the roots, fell, and ended up breaking her wrist trying to catch herself. of course, this was very upsetting to my wife and i and she pretty much told me to do something about the roots so this didn't happen again. so, i bought some tools and started tearing the roots up as best i could. i got them out to a point that nothing is sticking above the ground anymore and filled the top in with fresh soil and grass seed. my neighbor must have noticed the work i did because he made a comment about the fresh soil. i told him i had to remove some roots since my daughter tripped on one. he asked what i meant by "remove" and i told him i dug a bunch out and cut them out as best i could. he got pissed and told me i probably killed his tree. i told him that removing a few roots isn't going to hurt a tree that big and they were creating a tripping hazard. and since they were in my yard, i did what i needed to do to remove them. he told me there are other ways to deal with roots like that instead of cutting them out and causing stress to the tree and he would have gladly helped if i had asked. he said that tree is probably going to die which means it is probably going to have to be removed and said that a tree that large is going to cost thousands of dollars to take out. i told him that sounds ridiculously expensive. he said if the tree dies and he has to have it cut down, he's going to ask me to pay for some of it because of what i did to the roots. i told him good luck with that and that i'm not paying anything for his tree. he called me an asshole and told me the previous neighbors at least had the decency to ask for help when they didn't know what the hell they were doing instead of causing damage to other people's property. i told my wife about it and she thinks the guy is just being a jerk and agrees with me that taking a few roots from the top of the ground isn't going to hurt a tree that big. she also agrees that there is no way in hell we are going to pay for anything for this guy's tree. we were just making sure our yard is safe for our kids to play in, it's not our fault his tree grew roots into our yard. [/INST] yta. you should have told him what you were doing since it is his tree. yes, even though the roots were on your side of the fence. it's the neighborly thing to do. and speaking as someone with a fair amount of experience with plants, depending on what kind of roots you hacked away, how many there were, and what you did to the open wounds before covering with dirt, there is a chance you could kill the tree. </s>
AITA for telling my girlfriend that she can’t speak Japanese to my parents during thanksgiving.	i (m35) have met my girlfriend (f30) at work (we’re both interpreters). we’ve been together for a few months and thanksgiving will be the first time she’s going to meet my parents. i am half japanese, my dad is japanese my mother is american. my mother learned japanese so she can connect with my paternal side of the family. me and my siblings all speak japanese. however, none of my siblings spouses do. my girlfriend, sasha, started learning japanese before it got popular, she started learning it when she was 14, has both, ba and ma in japanese and translation & interpreting. she sounds as close to a native speaker as possible. however, i wanted her that she shouldn’t try and speak japanese when meeting my parents or grandparents and that she’s forbidden from using it even when i’m usi it with my siblings. she asked why and i told her that i’d hate for my sils and bills to be uncomfortable because they don’t speak it and i don’t want her to become my parents/grandparents favorite because we’ve only been together a few months and it wouldn’t be fair if they liked her more than my sil of 10 years who doesn’t speak japanese. she said that’s ridiculous and she shouldn’t have to hide it. i said that perhaps later when we’ve been together for longer. she asked if she had to pretend not to understand me and my siblings when we talk. and i said, exactly. she got really weird and went home. she’s been kind of distant lately and i told a friend about this and they said that i was a major ah and if they ask her about her job, she’s have to lie as well. i admit, i hadn’t thought of that. but i still can’t see that i did anything wrong. so aita for demanding she lies?	9,188	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yyrzf9/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_she_cant/	2022-11-18 19:11:38	yta - it will make an impact on her relationship with your family in the future. how are they going to react when they find out she's been able to communicate with them this entire time?	yta. maybe you should have just told her that you don’t see the relationship as having any real future so you don’t want your family getting too attached to her because that is basically what your nonsensical prohibition amounts to. also, if you actually cared about not leaving out the in-laws then no one would speak japanese.	yta- op. your girlfriend has a cool and unique skill that she would very rarely have opportunity to use in the us. she can communicate with your parents and siblings in a language that could be more comfortable to them. if you're going to make demands that someone not speak japanese in the household so as not to make in-laws uncomfortable, maybe consider communicating that with everyone who speaks japanese. don't just exclude your gf to avoid excluding your bil/sils. if she can't speak japanese, no one should. and if telling your parents and siblings not to speak japanese sounds like an asshole move, then maybe use that context to analyze your initial request. because it's a super asshole move.	yta - you can't "forbid" her from speaking japanese. she's your girlfriend, not your employee. you can ask her not to, but what she ultimately does is up to her. besides, your reason for "forbidding" it is dumb. she speaks japanese. that's a fact. there's no reason to pretend that she doesn't.	yta. are you serious? this is insane. you’re telling her to lie and to be ashamed of her skills, which are both her life’s passion and her actual occupation. this is horrifically controlling and disturbing.	yta you may as well end the relationship now. if she pretends to "not understand" and the relationship continues she will have to hide the part of her life, her job, her expertise for the rest of her life with you. or eventually she lets everyone know she has been able to speak it & she or you gets blamed for hiding it and accusations of listening in on conversations get thrown around. did you ever think that your grandparents may enjoy having conversations in their native language? you know she could listen to the native tongue & answer in english if she wants. your girlfriend is intelligent. if your siblings spouses by this time haven't invested the time to learn any japanese for greetings and pleasantries, that is on them. they are already part of the family and have chosen not to.	yta...a dumb one at that. your reasoning is stupid and i doubt your parents will appreciate you having your gf lie for you. this relationship will be over soon.	yta- let’s break this down you want her to lie to your family. you want her to play stupid and act dumb. i hope she dumps you.	yta. in spades. you forbade her?	yta. your parents speak japanese. your gf speaks japanese. they can speak japanese to each other. clearly neither your parents or your gf is rude enough to speak japanese an a group conversation and exclude the non-japanese speakers. what would you do if you broke up with gf, and started dating someone who also happened to be japanese - would you expect them to pretend that they weren't actually japanese?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m35) have met my girlfriend (f30) at work (we’re both interpreters). we’ve been together for a few months and thanksgiving will be the first time she’s going to meet my parents. i am half japanese, my dad is japanese my mother is american. my mother learned japanese so she can connect with my paternal side of the family. me and my siblings all speak japanese. however, none of my siblings spouses do. my girlfriend, sasha, started learning japanese before it got popular, she started learning it when she was 14, has both, ba and ma in japanese and translation & interpreting. she sounds as close to a native speaker as possible. however, i wanted her that she shouldn’t try and speak japanese when meeting my parents or grandparents and that she’s forbidden from using it even when i’m usi it with my siblings. she asked why and i told her that i’d hate for my sils and bills to be uncomfortable because they don’t speak it and i don’t want her to become my parents/grandparents favorite because we’ve only been together a few months and it wouldn’t be fair if they liked her more than my sil of 10 years who doesn’t speak japanese. she said that’s ridiculous and she shouldn’t have to hide it. i said that perhaps later when we’ve been together for longer. she asked if she had to pretend not to understand me and my siblings when we talk. and i said, exactly. she got really weird and went home. she’s been kind of distant lately and i told a friend about this and they said that i was a major ah and if they ask her about her job, she’s have to lie as well. i admit, i hadn’t thought of that. but i still can’t see that i did anything wrong. so aita for demanding she lies?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (m35) have met my girlfriend (f30) at work (we’re both interpreters). we’ve been together for a few months and thanksgiving will be the first time she’s going to meet my parents. i am half japanese, my dad is japanese my mother is american. my mother learned japanese so she can connect with my paternal side of the family. me and my siblings all speak japanese. however, none of my siblings spouses do. my girlfriend, sasha, started learning japanese before it got popular, she started learning it when she was 14, has both, ba and ma in japanese and translation & interpreting. she sounds as close to a native speaker as possible. however, i wanted her that she shouldn’t try and speak japanese when meeting my parents or grandparents and that she’s forbidden from using it even when i’m usi it with my siblings. she asked why and i told her that i’d hate for my sils and bills to be uncomfortable because they don’t speak it and i don’t want her to become my parents/grandparents favorite because we’ve only been together a few months and it wouldn’t be fair if they liked her more than my sil of 10 years who doesn’t speak japanese. she said that’s ridiculous and she shouldn’t have to hide it. i said that perhaps later when we’ve been together for longer. she asked if she had to pretend not to understand me and my siblings when we talk. and i said, exactly. she got really weird and went home. she’s been kind of distant lately and i told a friend about this and they said that i was a major ah and if they ask her about her job, she’s have to lie as well. i admit, i hadn’t thought of that. but i still can’t see that i did anything wrong. so aita for demanding she lies? [/INST] yta - it will make an impact on her relationship with your family in the future. how are they going to react when they find out she's been able to communicate with them this entire time? </s>
AITA for making my father re-book my wedding venue at nearly triple the original cost after my stepsister cancelled my original booking?	my stepsister impersonated me and cancelled my wedding venue reservation. she's 18 and a jealous cow. i got the reservation for a steal because i booked early and covid made things uncertain. well now demand for wedding venues has skyrocketed. the venue is now asking nearly triple the original cost for the same date. they said they'll only honor the original reservation if i show proof that my stepsister committed fraud/identity theft in the form of a police report. my father has begged me not to involve the police. so i told him he'll need to cover the new cost then. all of it except my original deposit. because i'm aggravated as fuck. he's going to be selling some property in order to do this. he has put down the additional deposit for the venue already though. i know he was not to blame but he houses that witch and by asking me not report her fraud ass, i can only assume he takes responsibility for her actions. am i the asshole? i do feel guilty because my fiance and i are much more financially well off than my father. but i just feel like this is not my problem to fix. he did find an alternative venue that was pretty nice and wasn't as expensive but i said it had to be the original venue. i'm just incredibly pissed off.	22,856	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nkpw4l/aita_for_making_my_father_rebook_my_wedding_venue/	2021-05-25 13:34:24	nta. if he won't let you do the thing that would get you your original rate, then he can pay the difference. institute some kind of password system with all your vendors though. because she will try this again.	nta - this is a fair solution. however, i would go to the police instead of having your father pay. your stepsister is an adult, and she needs to take responsibility for her actions. she will continue to do shit like this if your father is always there to bail her out. she clearly needs to learn a lesson. &#x200b;	yta for not pressing charges. consequences serve a purpose.	nta, but in future use a passcode with vendors in order to make sure only you change the plans.	nta. but don’t let her get away with it, just go to the police. she needs to learn or she will do this again.	nta, buuuut- that police report needs to get filed, regardless of how dad decides to clean up after her. she's 18, and identity theft at her age will carry a steep price, that's why he's asking you not to go to the police. but honestly, that's a disservice to your step-sister who clearly needs to learn a lesson about interference and minding her own damn business.	esh. her for committing fraud; your dad for asking you to cover it up; you for enabling the coverup. you should have filed a police report. you can do that without actually filing charges; it’s just an official record of it happening. you still should, imo.	nta i would also uninvite your sister she dose not deserve to be at that wedding after the sabotage she tried.	the wedding venue is the asshole. and esh because there is a better solution than paying the asshole wedding venue triple the price. either negotiate it down. file a police report to appease asshole venue (that is not going to result in any charge ever, like what could the charge actually be, there was zero financial gain). or go somewhere else. a wedding isn't so important that a father should have to sell property in order to appease his bratty daughters.	esh. this is going to be unpopular, but follow me here: your sister, who is an adult, did you wrong. that makes her t a. by having your father cover the additional costs, you're insisting that the wrong person make it right. he can't afford it. he has to liquidate assets in a fire sale to cover it. and he's willing to put himself in the middle because he loves you and loves your stepsister. you're not asking for the wrong to be made right so much as passing it down the line, and that isn't cool.	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	ESH	ESH	0.341285	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my stepsister impersonated me and cancelled my wedding venue reservation. she's 18 and a jealous cow. i got the reservation for a steal because i booked early and covid made things uncertain. well now demand for wedding venues has skyrocketed. the venue is now asking nearly triple the original cost for the same date. they said they'll only honor the original reservation if i show proof that my stepsister committed fraud/identity theft in the form of a police report. my father has begged me not to involve the police. so i told him he'll need to cover the new cost then. all of it except my original deposit. because i'm aggravated as fuck. he's going to be selling some property in order to do this. he has put down the additional deposit for the venue already though. i know he was not to blame but he houses that witch and by asking me not report her fraud ass, i can only assume he takes responsibility for her actions. am i the asshole? i do feel guilty because my fiance and i are much more financially well off than my father. but i just feel like this is not my problem to fix. he did find an alternative venue that was pretty nice and wasn't as expensive but i said it had to be the original venue. i'm just incredibly pissed off.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my stepsister impersonated me and cancelled my wedding venue reservation. she's 18 and a jealous cow. i got the reservation for a steal because i booked early and covid made things uncertain. well now demand for wedding venues has skyrocketed. the venue is now asking nearly triple the original cost for the same date. they said they'll only honor the original reservation if i show proof that my stepsister committed fraud/identity theft in the form of a police report. my father has begged me not to involve the police. so i told him he'll need to cover the new cost then. all of it except my original deposit. because i'm aggravated as fuck. he's going to be selling some property in order to do this. he has put down the additional deposit for the venue already though. i know he was not to blame but he houses that witch and by asking me not report her fraud ass, i can only assume he takes responsibility for her actions. am i the asshole? i do feel guilty because my fiance and i are much more financially well off than my father. but i just feel like this is not my problem to fix. he did find an alternative venue that was pretty nice and wasn't as expensive but i said it had to be the original venue. i'm just incredibly pissed off. [/INST] nta. if he won't let you do the thing that would get you your original rate, then he can pay the difference. institute some kind of password system with all your vendors though. because she will try this again. </s>
AITA for asking for a different salesperson because the one that was helping me was too hot?	i was looking to buy a car from a dealership and the salesperson that happened to see me first was a very attractive woman that also happened to dress a bit provocatively. not unprofessionally, but i personally considered it too much. i generally don't do well with people who are so attractive, they make me very uncomfortable, but i decided to give her a chance. i told her what i was looking for and she showed me some models they had available. this whole thing took about 20 minutes until i decided that this wasn't a person with whom i wanted to negotiate to buy a car. so i asked her if it was possible to see someone else to help me. she said that she was working on commission and asked for the reason. i told her that i could understand that and apologized for wasting her time. i didn't really want to tell her the real reason why i was asking for the change, so i chose not to answer her question. she said that it's no problem, but that she, as a professional, would like to know what she did so as to avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. i could see no way out and it was a fair request, so i told her as politely as i could: she was too attractive, dressed too revealingly and that made me uncomfortable with her. i could see that annoyed her, but she chose to take it in stride and said she'll "take that as a compliment". and then she tried to convince me to let her show me some other models. i, however, stood fast and told her i really would prefer to see someone else and apologized once again. her face hardened and she said that she'd go fetch someone. but before she left, she looked at me aggressively and told me that i don't have to apologize, cause this isn't the first and won't be the last time she's losing a commission due to sexism. was i the asshole here? i realize that the reason i gave her was maybe a bit controversial, but she asked for the truth. and i was very polite, i tried not to insult her, but she chose to see sexism for some reason.	5,324	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gunvuw/aita_for_asking_for_a_different_salesperson/	2020-06-01 16:39:00	yta. i'd be annoyed to miss out on my commission based on that too. what's she supposed to do? get plastic surgery to make herself less pretty? if you're so uncomfortable around attractive people that you can't make a purchase from one, then you need to get help for that, not put the onus on those around you. there will be beautiful women at social events you go to, at formal happenings like weddings and funerals, and - perhaps most crucially - at your workplace, whatever you do. you can't consistently expect them to undermine themselves in order to cater to you.	yta. hard to tell what your definition of “provocative” is, but i doubt her boss would let her work in something unprofessional. you asked to look at cars, she showed you some models, and you don’t mention her making any inappropriate comments, or being bad at her job in any form. sounds like she was doing her job well and you weren’t comfortable with it because she an attractive female. that’s sexism. edit spelling	yta you are without a doubt the a giant asshole for this. what the hell does what someone is wearing have anything to do with buying a car? why in gods name would it matter in any way shape or form? is it because you cant control yourself around women? did you feel like she was going to sexually assault you? did you worry you might lose control and sexually assault her? this person was doing a job, she was there to show you vehicles and answer question and she could of done it just as good as whomever you had replace her. nothing in this situation change for you accept your uncontrollable urge to look at boobies was sated. for her it cost her a paycheck, it wasted her work time (they work in rounds btw, made her look incompetent to her boss and like a failure to her colleagues... because of what again, some exposed skin? like you dont see that litterally everywhere you go? just wow.	yta. you should have asked for someone else before wasting 20 minutes of her time.	> i told her as politely as i could: she was too attractive, dressed too revealingly and that made me uncomfortable with her. lmao this post is funny. what her @ but fr tho i would say yta. nothing wrong in finding someone attractive but she mightve just lost some money because of what you did. there is 7.8 billion people in the world and half of them are girls. what are you going to do when your boss's replacement is attractive? quit your job cuz you cant handle it? what are you going to do when your girl friend introduces you to her family and her sister is attractive, say that you cant handle it and would rather see someone else instead? she cant control the fact that you find her attractive but i feel like you can control how you respond to it.	yta. yes, that's sexism. you are uncomfortable with her because she is a woman and now she loses out at her job. learn to control yourself.	yta. learn to control your boner and treat people professionally. you didn’t allow her to do her job because you can’t handle being near an attractive woman. grow up.	info : do you do this all the time when a person who’s attractive is helping you? do you do this to attractive men too, or women only?	i work in the automotive sales and service industry. nta. sales staff in the auto industry use all sorts of shady and nasty tactics to give them an advantage in the negotiation process. when they run the credit and sit you in the office for over an hour? they get that information in seconds, its to let you stew and settle into the sunk cost fallacy (i've spent so much time here i need to buy it). this sales person likely dresses that way and uses her looks to help goad people into a deal. you're making a very large purchase decision, it should be with someone you're comfortable with.	100% nta. i worked in sales for a little while, but even someone as inexperienced as me can tell you that prospective clients can bolt all the time and for whatever reason. that's the job, she's got to learn to deal with it. if she's crying for 20 lost minutes, then maybe she's not cut out for this job. i've lost hours and days one some people, 20 minutes is nothing. > i chose not to answer her question yet she insisted for an answer and then chose to get offended when she got one, even when you initially refused. that's on her, not you. > this isn't the first and won't be the last time she's losing a commission due to sexism a) she's not losing a commission. you haven't bought anything, have you? b) this isn't sexism. being uncomfortable with how attractive someone is has nothing to do with sexism. it's "lookism" maybe, but not sexism. don't think twice about this. if you think that her attractiveness will put you at a negotiating disadvantage, then you owe it to yourself to change salesmen. why by the same car from her for 5k when you can buy it from someone else for 4.8? you don't owe her the difference.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	0.201556	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was looking to buy a car from a dealership and the salesperson that happened to see me first was a very attractive woman that also happened to dress a bit provocatively. not unprofessionally, but i personally considered it too much. i generally don't do well with people who are so attractive, they make me very uncomfortable, but i decided to give her a chance. i told her what i was looking for and she showed me some models they had available. this whole thing took about 20 minutes until i decided that this wasn't a person with whom i wanted to negotiate to buy a car. so i asked her if it was possible to see someone else to help me. she said that she was working on commission and asked for the reason. i told her that i could understand that and apologized for wasting her time. i didn't really want to tell her the real reason why i was asking for the change, so i chose not to answer her question. she said that it's no problem, but that she, as a professional, would like to know what she did so as to avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. i could see no way out and it was a fair request, so i told her as politely as i could: she was too attractive, dressed too revealingly and that made me uncomfortable with her. i could see that annoyed her, but she chose to take it in stride and said she'll "take that as a compliment". and then she tried to convince me to let her show me some other models. i, however, stood fast and told her i really would prefer to see someone else and apologized once again. her face hardened and she said that she'd go fetch someone. but before she left, she looked at me aggressively and told me that i don't have to apologize, cause this isn't the first and won't be the last time she's losing a commission due to sexism. was i the asshole here? i realize that the reason i gave her was maybe a bit controversial, but she asked for the truth. and i was very polite, i tried not to insult her, but she chose to see sexism for some reason.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i was looking to buy a car from a dealership and the salesperson that happened to see me first was a very attractive woman that also happened to dress a bit provocatively. not unprofessionally, but i personally considered it too much. i generally don't do well with people who are so attractive, they make me very uncomfortable, but i decided to give her a chance. i told her what i was looking for and she showed me some models they had available. this whole thing took about 20 minutes until i decided that this wasn't a person with whom i wanted to negotiate to buy a car. so i asked her if it was possible to see someone else to help me. she said that she was working on commission and asked for the reason. i told her that i could understand that and apologized for wasting her time. i didn't really want to tell her the real reason why i was asking for the change, so i chose not to answer her question. she said that it's no problem, but that she, as a professional, would like to know what she did so as to avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. i could see no way out and it was a fair request, so i told her as politely as i could: she was too attractive, dressed too revealingly and that made me uncomfortable with her. i could see that annoyed her, but she chose to take it in stride and said she'll "take that as a compliment". and then she tried to convince me to let her show me some other models. i, however, stood fast and told her i really would prefer to see someone else and apologized once again. her face hardened and she said that she'd go fetch someone. but before she left, she looked at me aggressively and told me that i don't have to apologize, cause this isn't the first and won't be the last time she's losing a commission due to sexism. was i the asshole here? i realize that the reason i gave her was maybe a bit controversial, but she asked for the truth. and i was very polite, i tried not to insult her, but she chose to see sexism for some reason. [/INST] yta. i'd be annoyed to miss out on my commission based on that too. what's she supposed to do? get plastic surgery to make herself less pretty? if you're so uncomfortable around attractive people that you can't make a purchase from one, then you need to get help for that, not put the onus on those around you. there will be beautiful women at social events you go to, at formal happenings like weddings and funerals, and - perhaps most crucially - at your workplace, whatever you do. you can't consistently expect them to undermine themselves in order to cater to you. </s>
AITA for dropping out my daughter at my parents house for a few days?	i have 3 kids, amelia (12f) and bastian/colin (7 months twins). amelia's mom passed away when she was 2, three years after that i married my now wife, suze, she and i struggled to have kids the first years of our marriage, luckily, now we have two baby boys that i love with all my heart. amelia and suze has an excellent relationship, she even calls her ''mom'', for years our only priority was amelia, we gave her our undivided attention and i believed we spoiled her a little bit more than we had, when suze got pregnant, amelia was really happy because she had been wanting to be an older sister for a while since all of her cousins are, she wanted a sister, of course, but was equally content with two boys. around that time, suze and i had a few problems, i felt she was casting my girl aside because we were now pregnant, she denied it of course, until she did something that crossed the line by far and she realized she was playing favorites when the kids weren't even born. we attended therapy and included my kid, by surprise of no one, she also felt that ''mom'' was mad at her but didn't know why. we are now doing better, and suze has never acted like that again. now onto the problem: while our twins are overall healthy, 15 days ago bastian started to cry inconsolably out of nowhere, this caused colin to cry too, we didn't understand what was happening, we tried the normal ways for a day and the next we took him to the doctor, long story short, bastian had something in his stomach and he had to stay in the hospital for two days, during this time, i left amelia with my parents and i told her that i would be back soon, after two days, the doctors asked for two days more, then they discharged him and we took him home, we wanted to make sure everything was okay, so we decided to leave amelia with my parents another day so we could monitor bastian. then my wife and i took another day to rest. my parents called me an hour ago and my dad went straight to my neck, he called me a deadbeat, irresponsible and useless father, he doesn't understand how could i ''abandon'' amelia for a week without visiting her, she said amelia asked if i was mad or if she did something wrong, i tried to explain that bastian wasn't feeling okay and that enraged him more because ''not only i abandoned amelia, i did it for my new family''. he said i have to make sure all of my kids are okay and not just my new babies, that amy has been crying for a few days because i didn't even dare to call yesterday. i said i would go pick her up asap and he tell me i better be ready to explain everything to her because neither he or my mom will. my wife said we should go pick her up in the afternoon after the babies are awake so my family can see they're okay too, but i think that's not a good idea and i should go alone, which caused her to be mad at me too and called me an ah. now everyone thinks i'm ta, so i wanted to ask here.	4,489	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ul85hd/aita_for_dropping_out_my_daughter_at_my_parents/	2022-05-08 18:39:37	yta. 'until she did something that crossed the line by far and she realized she was playing favorites when the kids weren't even born.' interesting. in any case, you dumped your daughter with your parents saying 'back soon', and no explanation. no wonder she's distraught and your parents are furious, particularly given how things have been in the past. 'then my wife and i took another day to rest.' no. you don't get rest when you've got a daughter who needs you. you dumped your daughter for a week.	did anyone else notice that he wanted to go asap to get her and his wife wanted him to put it off for a couple of hours (at least)? this coupled with the "incident" and the "day of rest" does not bode well for the girl. i get that it was a stressful time and you knew your daughter was safe with your family, but i do think you need to look a bit harder at this "excellent" relationship. ywbta if you don't.	yta. the first two days? sure. the second two days? maybe. the following days when you were home and just never picked up your child? ridiculous. there was absolutely no justifiable reason that you couldn’t bring her home once you guys were out of the hospital. where was colin during this time?	yta. she absolutely should have come home once your son was out of the hospital. she's 12. that's old enough to mostly take care of herself and even help out/feel like she's helping and contributing to the family. think about and answer this honestly: it was suze's idea to leave her at your parents' house on day 5-6, wasn't it?	yta i get it, your baby was in hospital and that's got to be exhausting and terrifying. but you have a little girl who is already scared that her step-mom is mad at her and is already feeling pushed out by the birth of these babies. you didn't visit her, you didn't explain things to her, you didn't reassure her from the sounds of it. you did abandon her. there was no excuse for not making time for her each day, for not facetiming her and reassuring her how loved she was and how important this was. and then you guys took an extra day for monitoring and an extra day for rest without thinking of this poor kid. you told her 2 days and took 6. you could have made the time for her, you just didn't want to. back to therapy you go, hopefully this time you'll learn something.	yta. what is it with this trend of posts from sh*t men who abandon/cast aside/disrespect their older kids for the shiny new wife and do-over kids? i've read variations on this post several times this week. jfc these deadbeat fathers are rage-inducing.	info: what did your wife do that majorly crossed a line?	i understand bringing your daughter to your parents while you son was in the hospital, but when he went home, you should have picked her up and brought her home. you didn’t. you then took a day “to rest.” and apparently you didn’t even check in on her? yta. you’re a father of three now. you don’t get to rest. your 12 year old daughter needs you as much as your 7 month old twins do. sounds like you and your wife are working hard to push her away.	i will say yta. why did both of you have to stay at the hospital the entire time? i'm sure there was plenty of downtime where you could have alternated. your poor daughter didn't see either of you for a week??? not ok at all. i have children myself and when my oldest was 6 she needed surgery and i did stay with her at the hospital, but my husband stayed back with our other children. i facetimed them both days i was there and they were able to even come and visit us and their sister for a few minutes. (pre covid) your son was sick, i get that, but you don't fully go awol on your other child like that. poor girl was so worried and confused.	yta- my wife and i took another day to rest. this is where you lost me, and the fact that you didn’t call. yes yta, you messed up big time here.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have 3 kids, amelia (12f) and bastian/colin (7 months twins). amelia's mom passed away when she was 2, three years after that i married my now wife, suze, she and i struggled to have kids the first years of our marriage, luckily, now we have two baby boys that i love with all my heart. amelia and suze has an excellent relationship, she even calls her ''mom'', for years our only priority was amelia, we gave her our undivided attention and i believed we spoiled her a little bit more than we had, when suze got pregnant, amelia was really happy because she had been wanting to be an older sister for a while since all of her cousins are, she wanted a sister, of course, but was equally content with two boys. around that time, suze and i had a few problems, i felt she was casting my girl aside because we were now pregnant, she denied it of course, until she did something that crossed the line by far and she realized she was playing favorites when the kids weren't even born. we attended therapy and included my kid, by surprise of no one, she also felt that ''mom'' was mad at her but didn't know why. we are now doing better, and suze has never acted like that again. now onto the problem: while our twins are overall healthy, 15 days ago bastian started to cry inconsolably out of nowhere, this caused colin to cry too, we didn't understand what was happening, we tried the normal ways for a day and the next we took him to the doctor, long story short, bastian had something in his stomach and he had to stay in the hospital for two days, during this time, i left amelia with my parents and i told her that i would be back soon, after two days, the doctors asked for two days more, then they discharged him and we took him home, we wanted to make sure everything was okay, so we decided to leave amelia with my parents another day so we could monitor bastian. then my wife and i took another day to rest. my parents called me an hour ago and my dad went straight to my neck, he called me a deadbeat, irresponsible and useless father, he doesn't understand how could i ''abandon'' amelia for a week without visiting her, she said amelia asked if i was mad or if she did something wrong, i tried to explain that bastian wasn't feeling okay and that enraged him more because ''not only i abandoned amelia, i did it for my new family''. he said i have to make sure all of my kids are okay and not just my new babies, that amy has been crying for a few days because i didn't even dare to call yesterday. i said i would go pick her up asap and he tell me i better be ready to explain everything to her because neither he or my mom will. my wife said we should go pick her up in the afternoon after the babies are awake so my family can see they're okay too, but i think that's not a good idea and i should go alone, which caused her to be mad at me too and called me an ah. now everyone thinks i'm ta, so i wanted to ask here.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have 3 kids, amelia (12f) and bastian/colin (7 months twins). amelia's mom passed away when she was 2, three years after that i married my now wife, suze, she and i struggled to have kids the first years of our marriage, luckily, now we have two baby boys that i love with all my heart. amelia and suze has an excellent relationship, she even calls her ''mom'', for years our only priority was amelia, we gave her our undivided attention and i believed we spoiled her a little bit more than we had, when suze got pregnant, amelia was really happy because she had been wanting to be an older sister for a while since all of her cousins are, she wanted a sister, of course, but was equally content with two boys. around that time, suze and i had a few problems, i felt she was casting my girl aside because we were now pregnant, she denied it of course, until she did something that crossed the line by far and she realized she was playing favorites when the kids weren't even born. we attended therapy and included my kid, by surprise of no one, she also felt that ''mom'' was mad at her but didn't know why. we are now doing better, and suze has never acted like that again. now onto the problem: while our twins are overall healthy, 15 days ago bastian started to cry inconsolably out of nowhere, this caused colin to cry too, we didn't understand what was happening, we tried the normal ways for a day and the next we took him to the doctor, long story short, bastian had something in his stomach and he had to stay in the hospital for two days, during this time, i left amelia with my parents and i told her that i would be back soon, after two days, the doctors asked for two days more, then they discharged him and we took him home, we wanted to make sure everything was okay, so we decided to leave amelia with my parents another day so we could monitor bastian. then my wife and i took another day to rest. my parents called me an hour ago and my dad went straight to my neck, he called me a deadbeat, irresponsible and useless father, he doesn't understand how could i ''abandon'' amelia for a week without visiting her, she said amelia asked if i was mad or if she did something wrong, i tried to explain that bastian wasn't feeling okay and that enraged him more because ''not only i abandoned amelia, i did it for my new family''. he said i have to make sure all of my kids are okay and not just my new babies, that amy has been crying for a few days because i didn't even dare to call yesterday. i said i would go pick her up asap and he tell me i better be ready to explain everything to her because neither he or my mom will. my wife said we should go pick her up in the afternoon after the babies are awake so my family can see they're okay too, but i think that's not a good idea and i should go alone, which caused her to be mad at me too and called me an ah. now everyone thinks i'm ta, so i wanted to ask here. [/INST] yta. 'until she did something that crossed the line by far and she realized she was playing favorites when the kids weren't even born.' interesting. in any case, you dumped your daughter with your parents saying 'back soon', and no explanation. no wonder she's distraught and your parents are furious, particularly given how things have been in the past. 'then my wife and i took another day to rest.' no. you don't get rest when you've got a daughter who needs you. you dumped your daughter for a week. </s>
AITA for calling my student "student" because he refuses to stop calling me "Professor"?	i’m a college professor. my name isn’t hard to pronounce, neither is my last name. i tell students they can call me “jane” (obviously not my first name) or “mrs. smith” (again, fake last name for the sake of this). i just do not want to be called “professor” or “miss”. this semester, i have a student who will say “professor” every time he wants to get my attention. i told him the first few times, “please call me jane or mrs. smith, i don’t like being called professor.” he said “okay” each time, but continued to do it. this is an english-speaking student, who is more than capable of saying my name. as it continued, i tried to not get more annoyed. now, we’re about halfway through the semester. he was still doing it, so i started referring to him as “student”, rather than his name. for example, “professor, i have a question.” “yes, student?” “professor, how do you complete xyz?” “well, student…” and then explain it. he wrote me an e-mail asking me to stop doing this. i responded that i would as soon as he started calling me by my name. when i was talking to a colleague about this, they worried about the student reporting me and said it was a “dick move” on my end. am i being an ass here?	19,360	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fd126w/aita_for_calling_my_student_student_because_he/	2020-03-03 20:37:43	yta - professor is considered a polite way of addressing your college professor. you're being nitpicky here and picking fights with a college student. you're supposed to be the adult here and yet you're lowering yourself to childish discourse because he's not comfortable calling you by your first name. some people grew up in very formal homes where it was absolutely unacceptable to refer to someone in an authority position by their first name. try to be more understanding of your students and remember you're the adult in the room, try to act like it.	esh he should have listened the first time. but you stooped to his level of immaturity. you should be worried about being reported, because it doesn’t look good when your only defense is “well he started it”.	yta even some english speaking students grow up in a culture where calling a teacher by their name is incredibly rude. most teachers i know have preferences, but don't force students to conform to them.	yta referring to your college professor as “professor” is widely accepted almost everywhere. it’s likely that he has called x amount of other professors “professor” and it’s never been an issue. old habits are hard to break. while i understand that you would rather not be called professor, it really shouldn’t be bothering you this much tbh. it’s like when people say “excuse me, miss!” when trying to get my attention. sure, i don’t love it. but it really isn’t a big deal. it’s not like they’re shouting “aye, bitch!”. it’s one student. relax.	yta - just answer his question and keep it moving, you’re being petty	nta. by college, people should know to call people by the name they want. if they're going to willfully ignore it, then it's fair game to get their name wrong.	esh, gotta say. you're in the position of authority here. passive-aggression is not a good look and it's also not your only option here. you could just be direct and kick the kid out of class instead of playing his game. so you're an asshole in this situation because you've worsened the problem and descended to his level, none of which was necessary. the kid is an asshole for not just using your name as he's been asked to, and also for complaining about it.	i'm laughing at a professor trying to defend themselves before the review board because a student was calling them "professor."	info: why don't you want to be called professor? (not wanting to be called "miss" i understand perfectly well.) i am a professor, am friends with many other professors, and have never heard anyone state this preference before. i guess i'm wondering if it's a battle worth fighting or not.	honestly? yta slightly. you haven't made an attempt to speak with them one on one about why they call you professor and there may be a good reason as to why he doesn't want to say your actual name; you would maybe be more empathetic to her reasoning if you spoke to him. everyone has a right to be called what they want, if this were dead naming or something else that was disrespectful i would totally understand your hesitancy, but the fact of the matter is you are a professor... probably the only professor in the classroom at the time so not only is the name accurate but it is easier to remember your title than the names of his 5 professors. i get that you have a preference but i don't think you have a right to dictate if he calls you by name or here title; your using of his title is not only petty at your own admission, but it is also not very concise given that there are usually more than one student in the class. &#x200b;	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	ESH	null	INFO	YTA	0.127033	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m a college professor. my name isn’t hard to pronounce, neither is my last name. i tell students they can call me “jane” (obviously not my first name) or “mrs. smith” (again, fake last name for the sake of this). i just do not want to be called “professor” or “miss”. this semester, i have a student who will say “professor” every time he wants to get my attention. i told him the first few times, “please call me jane or mrs. smith, i don’t like being called professor.” he said “okay” each time, but continued to do it. this is an english-speaking student, who is more than capable of saying my name. as it continued, i tried to not get more annoyed. now, we’re about halfway through the semester. he was still doing it, so i started referring to him as “student”, rather than his name. for example, “professor, i have a question.” “yes, student?” “professor, how do you complete xyz?” “well, student…” and then explain it. he wrote me an e-mail asking me to stop doing this. i responded that i would as soon as he started calling me by my name. when i was talking to a colleague about this, they worried about the student reporting me and said it was a “dick move” on my end. am i being an ass here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i’m a college professor. my name isn’t hard to pronounce, neither is my last name. i tell students they can call me “jane” (obviously not my first name) or “mrs. smith” (again, fake last name for the sake of this). i just do not want to be called “professor” or “miss”. this semester, i have a student who will say “professor” every time he wants to get my attention. i told him the first few times, “please call me jane or mrs. smith, i don’t like being called professor.” he said “okay” each time, but continued to do it. this is an english-speaking student, who is more than capable of saying my name. as it continued, i tried to not get more annoyed. now, we’re about halfway through the semester. he was still doing it, so i started referring to him as “student”, rather than his name. for example, “professor, i have a question.” “yes, student?” “professor, how do you complete xyz?” “well, student…” and then explain it. he wrote me an e-mail asking me to stop doing this. i responded that i would as soon as he started calling me by my name. when i was talking to a colleague about this, they worried about the student reporting me and said it was a “dick move” on my end. am i being an ass here? [/INST] yta - professor is considered a polite way of addressing your college professor. you're being nitpicky here and picking fights with a college student. you're supposed to be the adult here and yet you're lowering yourself to childish discourse because he's not comfortable calling you by your first name. some people grew up in very formal homes where it was absolutely unacceptable to refer to someone in an authority position by their first name. try to be more understanding of your students and remember you're the adult in the room, try to act like it. </s>
AITA for taking my child to her mom's home and leaving her there?	i (m40) have full custody of my daughter(f12). her mom only has once a month visitations. recently she has been acting up and insisting on living with her mom because she thinks i'm a bad dad. i knew she couldn't live with her mom because her mom is a terrible mom. i know it because i've seen the way she treats her other kids which is why i tried so hard to get full custody. also my daughter is used to her very privilaged life which her mom can't give her. a few days ago we got into an argument and again she said she hated me and wanted to live with her mom. i got angry, i made her pack a bag. took her to her mom's home, left her there and told her she is gonna live here just as she wanted. one day later i got a message from her asking me to take her home. i ignored all her messages and calls for 4 days until i figured she has learned her lesson. i answered her call and she was crying and asking me to take her home, which i did. she has been staying in her room eversince. my family thinks i'm a huge ah and should have just brought her home the first time she called but i thought it was necessary. aita?	13,455	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v0ao4w/aita_for_taking_my_child_to_her_moms_home_and/	2022-05-29 12:59:18	yta for not at least answering her calls and talking to her to make sure she was safe. that's awful. she already has to live with the fact her mom is terrible, now she probably feels she can't trust her dad either.	i understand that you were trying to make a point; still, yta. you said she has a “terrible” mom; so why would you leave your daughter there for four days (and ignoring her texts and calls), knowing that she could’ve been in danger. and you may not be quite the dad you think you are if you get all in your feelings every time a 12-year-old says something to you.	yta. don’t use other her other parent as a punishment. don’t stoop to the level of an angry 12 year old when showing discipline. don’t send your 12 year old daughter the message that she’s not allowed to come home. do act like the adult and parent and teach your daughter how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner. you got what you wanted - she’s never going to say that to again. however, instead of calling you a bad dad because of a superficial reason, she now knows if she disappoints or angers you that she’ll be sent away. you’ve taught her your love is conditional. you may have also taught her all love is conditional. was that really what you wanted?	yta she calls you a bad dad so you proceeded to prove it by ghosting her. what if something had actually happened and that's why she was calling? i saw where you said the mom was neglectful so how do you know she had enough to eat? enough sleep? enough attention? you really are a horrible father. at least on an emotional connection level	so you willingly left her with someone you describe as a terrible mother for 4 days when she wanted to come home after 1? yta. it must hurt when she tells you that you’re a bad dad, especially since you’ve fought so hard for her, but guess what? that’s kids for ya. do you know what you just did? you just proved to her that you are a bad dad. she wanted to come home and you ghosted her, for 4 days!. that’s some toxic parenting right there. she won’t ever forget that.	yta. you left your child for 4 days with a woman you describe as a bad mother... maybe you should look into counselling and parenting classes before pushing your daughter into more depression.	yta. she's 12 and you ditched her with someone you know won't take care of her properly. maybe you should actually reflect on why she thinks you're a bad father before you ditch her for 4 days with no way to get ahold of you in case of emergency?	yta - you let a twelve year old provoke you into acting out of pique. lots of people will say “that’s the only way she’ll learn!” they are full of shit. you taught her that you will abandon her when she makes you angry.	yta your family is right you definitely didn’t need to leave her there for 4 days. she’s a child and acting out you’re suppose to remain calm and be the adult.	yta. when i was a little older than your daughter my father was in the throes of alcoholism and i wrote in my diary that i wanted to go live with my mom, who was sober but had her own issues. my dad read my diary then screamed at me and tried to get me to pack a bag to get on a plane to her house. i can tell you i have rarely felt so scared or so abandoned as i did that night. in the end, he knew his stunt would “change my mind,” and it was nothing more than manipulation and a power play. our relationship really has never been the same, any trust i had was washed away with that. we’re now on good terms (over 15 years later), but i still don’t fully trust him. even though the circumstances with your daughter may be different, you have a lot of work to do to rebuild her trust in you.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m40) have full custody of my daughter(f12). her mom only has once a month visitations. recently she has been acting up and insisting on living with her mom because she thinks i'm a bad dad. i knew she couldn't live with her mom because her mom is a terrible mom. i know it because i've seen the way she treats her other kids which is why i tried so hard to get full custody. also my daughter is used to her very privilaged life which her mom can't give her. a few days ago we got into an argument and again she said she hated me and wanted to live with her mom. i got angry, i made her pack a bag. took her to her mom's home, left her there and told her she is gonna live here just as she wanted. one day later i got a message from her asking me to take her home. i ignored all her messages and calls for 4 days until i figured she has learned her lesson. i answered her call and she was crying and asking me to take her home, which i did. she has been staying in her room eversince. my family thinks i'm a huge ah and should have just brought her home the first time she called but i thought it was necessary. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (m40) have full custody of my daughter(f12). her mom only has once a month visitations. recently she has been acting up and insisting on living with her mom because she thinks i'm a bad dad. i knew she couldn't live with her mom because her mom is a terrible mom. i know it because i've seen the way she treats her other kids which is why i tried so hard to get full custody. also my daughter is used to her very privilaged life which her mom can't give her. a few days ago we got into an argument and again she said she hated me and wanted to live with her mom. i got angry, i made her pack a bag. took her to her mom's home, left her there and told her she is gonna live here just as she wanted. one day later i got a message from her asking me to take her home. i ignored all her messages and calls for 4 days until i figured she has learned her lesson. i answered her call and she was crying and asking me to take her home, which i did. she has been staying in her room eversince. my family thinks i'm a huge ah and should have just brought her home the first time she called but i thought it was necessary. aita? [/INST] yta for not at least answering her calls and talking to her to make sure she was safe. that's awful. she already has to live with the fact her mom is terrible, now she probably feels she can't trust her dad either. </s>
AITA For making my little sister walk home.	so recently i got my license and my dad thought it would be a good idea for me to drive my little sister home. she would normally walk speaking she falls right under the 1.5 mile rule our school system implemented. the first few days went fine but then she unplugged my phone from the aux cord and started blasting her music. i took notice by not moving and giving her a funny look. she replied with a snarky what and i asked her why she unplugged my phone. she responds with "i got tired of listening to your music". i told her that if she wants a ride home she'll have to listen to my music. i then unplugged her phone and started driving. then she gets bold and while i'm driving unplugs my phone and starts playing her music again. so i pullover and tell her to get out. she kinda sat there and looked confused but after repeating myself a few times she hopped out. i wasn't expecting the backlash from my stepmom when i got home. she was pissed and "threatened" me with calling my dad and telling him about my reckless behavior. she went on to call me an ego maniac and other names. when my dad got home it started a argument between them because he thinks i was justified. from my pov she's a 7th grader that should understand that her actions have consequences. i understand it is a little thing but i gave her a warning and she didn't respect it.	20,068	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dom0df/aita_for_making_my_little_sister_walk_home/	2019-10-29 06:32:46	nta because you dealt out an appropriate consequence for bad behavior.	nta. you’re not obligated to drive her and she was being a little shit about it. seems like an appropriate consequence. i walked a mile to and fro in 7th grade and it’s really not so bad, especially since you said she was already used to it prior to you getting the car.	esh. actions have consequences, being a bratty younger sibling about music in no way justifies being kicked out of a car. that's an extreme, and unreasonable escalation. doesn't matter that she was within an appropriate distance of the house, or that she normally walks home. if she were endangering your ability to drive safely, pulling over and turning the car off would be an appropriate response. maybe even telling her to get out of the car. ejecting her from the car over some music is fucking petty. you're the older sibling. speaking to your stepmom and father about her conduct once home, would have been the responsible course of action. discussing with them the possibility of having her phone, ipod, or whatever taken away for a week as a result of her actions. actions have consequences, but the consequences should make sense and be proportional to the action. younger siblings are generally bratty, you're supposed to be the mature one yet you overreacted and went on a power trip.	nta if she normally walks it's not like you were providing needed extra safety - rides are a favour and you respect the person giving them to you. not to mention you shouldn't piss off and distract the person with your life and the lives of others in their hands. she should probably learn that before she and her friends start driving. she's testing boundaries like any healthy pre teen	yta. reddit has this general attitude that if you do someone a favor then you’re justified in doing whatever you want. kicking someone out of a car when you’re driving them is a dick move through and through; it doesn’t matter if you think you’re justified.	yta. can't beleive what i'm reading here with these responses can only assume it's from kids. just becuase she was being a petty brat doesn't mean you should stoop to her level, you're supposed to be the older one. shes also 12/13 years old and you're atleast 17/18. you should have finished the journey back and spoken to your parents about the behaviour. your step mum's reaction is born from you abandoning your young sister at the side of the road. this reflects really poorly on you.	nta. you gave her a warning and she deliberately disobeyed you. she didn't even try to ask if she could change the music, so that's on her. car rides are privileges and if she can't even have enough respect to ask first, she doesn't deserve that privilege.	esh. she was being an annoying little sister and walking home is what she normally does. but you were asked to give her a ride home, and it's literally just music. the mature way to handle this--the kind and adult way to hand it. would be to trade off who controls the music every day. because its what... a 5 minute drive home? you kicked her out of the car because you wanted to control all 2 songs that would come on between the school and home? whatever dude.	esh. what concerns me more is the fact that you couldn’t listen to your sister’s music for the 1.5 mile drive, which is what, 10 minutes? less? which is probably one or two songs at the most? she was being a brat but yikes, dude.	yta. other things you could do would be to make her sit in the back sit. you could also grow up and allow your little sister to have some space into your car, like permitting her to listen to a bit of her music without feeling threatened cause she was bratty. she is not a guest, she is more than that. i bet you constantly step on her boundaries every day as an older brother and you do not even sweat it- thing is she can't punch you hard enough and she can't "teach you a lesson". you sound cruel, not in any mood to compromise and immature. there were better ways to deal with this but you do not know them yet since you too, are young. why you think you are better than her, more worthy than her to "teach her a lesson" is a talk that you are not ready for yet. ytax2 for leaving her alone in the street. a car is not only effortless commute, it is also protection from creeps that you will never in your life experience like your little sister.	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	ESH	ESH	YTA	0.793225	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so recently i got my license and my dad thought it would be a good idea for me to drive my little sister home. she would normally walk speaking she falls right under the 1.5 mile rule our school system implemented. the first few days went fine but then she unplugged my phone from the aux cord and started blasting her music. i took notice by not moving and giving her a funny look. she replied with a snarky what and i asked her why she unplugged my phone. she responds with "i got tired of listening to your music". i told her that if she wants a ride home she'll have to listen to my music. i then unplugged her phone and started driving. then she gets bold and while i'm driving unplugs my phone and starts playing her music again. so i pullover and tell her to get out. she kinda sat there and looked confused but after repeating myself a few times she hopped out. i wasn't expecting the backlash from my stepmom when i got home. she was pissed and "threatened" me with calling my dad and telling him about my reckless behavior. she went on to call me an ego maniac and other names. when my dad got home it started a argument between them because he thinks i was justified. from my pov she's a 7th grader that should understand that her actions have consequences. i understand it is a little thing but i gave her a warning and she didn't respect it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so recently i got my license and my dad thought it would be a good idea for me to drive my little sister home. she would normally walk speaking she falls right under the 1.5 mile rule our school system implemented. the first few days went fine but then she unplugged my phone from the aux cord and started blasting her music. i took notice by not moving and giving her a funny look. she replied with a snarky what and i asked her why she unplugged my phone. she responds with "i got tired of listening to your music". i told her that if she wants a ride home she'll have to listen to my music. i then unplugged her phone and started driving. then she gets bold and while i'm driving unplugs my phone and starts playing her music again. so i pullover and tell her to get out. she kinda sat there and looked confused but after repeating myself a few times she hopped out. i wasn't expecting the backlash from my stepmom when i got home. she was pissed and "threatened" me with calling my dad and telling him about my reckless behavior. she went on to call me an ego maniac and other names. when my dad got home it started a argument between them because he thinks i was justified. from my pov she's a 7th grader that should understand that her actions have consequences. i understand it is a little thing but i gave her a warning and she didn't respect it. [/INST] nta because you dealt out an appropriate consequence for bad behavior. </s>
AITA for buying my daughter toys and refusing for my niece? My sister is acting entitled about it all saying horrible things	my husband dean (29) and i (26f) have a wonderful little girl lisa and she’s 4. i’m a musician by trade so my work has pretty much stopped and my husband has been working a lot the past few months. i’m basically at home all the time with lisa and she is missing her dad a lot as she’s his double and 100% a daddy’s girl. anyway, i met up with my sister rose (32) recently and we ended up visiting a toy store. i saw this male doll which looked a lot like dean and i decided to buy it for lisa so that she’d always have an reminder of her daddy. rose was miffed by this and demanded i buy my niece flora (also 4) a doll. for years rose has been trying to basically force me to treat her daughter the same or better than my own. here are some examples of her behaviour. there’s only five months between the girls and i’ve had to deal with rose being weird about that fact for years and during my pregnancy. lisa is my second daughter as i had a stillborn daughter in late 2014 at 20 and it broke me. rose witnessed this and when she announced her pregnancy, she was horrible and said that she was expecting the first grandchild saying my daughter didn’t count as she died whilst our parents and family said it was the second grandchild. then, when i got pregnant again rose was weird about it saying i shouldn’t have gotten pregnant so quickly and accused me of stealing her thunder of the “new grandchild.” there’s been some other occasions where she just expects our kids to share everything or make everything about flora for being the first grandchild and i’ve just had to put up with it. anyway, rose kept on insisting and i just snapped and said “no. i am sick of you pushing your kid onto me and basically making my one take a backseat. i’m buying my kid a doll literally to make her happy cos she’s missing her daddy. buy your own kid a fucking toy.” i ended up buying the toy and walking off. she went tattling to our parents adding dramatic flair to the story calling me a massive bitch for refusing to buy my niece a toy. my dad is in my side saying i’ve had to put up with her glorifying her kid for years whilst ignoring mine whilst my mom thinks i should give into her. my husband says he’s sick of rose and she even brought up my dead daughter again saying “she’d be ashamed of her mommy.” that reduced me to tears and i told her she’s dead to me but my mum insists i apologise to rose. edit; the girls weren’t with us	21,442	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/id7k26/aita_for_buying_my_daughter_toys_and_refusing_for/	2020-08-20 10:07:14	nta honestly you should do as your husband says and go to nc and cut contact with her. your mom will say some stuff but just ignore that and move on because it is your life and you gotta enjoy it as much as it lasts. you were under your moms control for 18 years so it is fair to make decisions as an adult and enjoy your life.	nta, at all. does she buy your daughter a toy every time she gets her own kid one? doubt it. the dig about your first daughter was also totally, totally unacceptable - going at least low-contact for a while sounds like it might be a really good idea.	honey nta. your sister is a horrible abusive person and your mother is an enabler. rose is disgusting for what she said and has done regarding your first daughter and tbh i would of cut her off years ago. don’t ever apologise to her. cut her off completely and your mother too.	>buy your own kid a fucking toy. this is it. nta. i don't think any of the rest is relevant to this. you are responsible for your kid, she is responsible for hers. if her kid wants a doll, she buys her kid a doll. she can't demand you buy her kid stuff, she's the parent.	nta. wtf. why can't rose buy her own daughter stuff? where is the logic in demanding you yo buy stuff for her daughter? >she even brought up my dead daughter again saying “she’d be ashamed of her mommy.” that reduced me to tears and i told her she’s dead to me but my mum insists i apologise to rose. what's wrong with your mum? what rose said was absolutely terrible. if anyone should be apologising, it should be rose! if you think it's better for your mental health to cut ties with her, you wouldn't be in the wrong. she's extremely toxic.	nta. you aren't obligated to spoil your neice. also, does your husband have a brother named sam?	[deleted]	nta your daughter is your daughter, rose's daughter is hers. if rose doesn't buy your daughter things, then why should you get her child anything. its not your job as a parent to be the mother to your niece, though i'm pretty sure that you'd be a much better mother than rose by this account.	this is pretty black and white. evil sister mocks me about my stillborn child, insults my daughter, and demands i buy things for her. you yelled at evil sister. how is there any debate who the asshole is?	i have a fuckup younger brother like rose. an absolute dumpster fire of a human being. my mom always insisted i "make things right" whenever he would do his usual insane shit. i cut them both out of my life and feel much happier for it. i advise you do the same, or at least let your mother know if she keeps that shit up, she's out too.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband dean (29) and i (26f) have a wonderful little girl lisa and she’s 4. i’m a musician by trade so my work has pretty much stopped and my husband has been working a lot the past few months. i’m basically at home all the time with lisa and she is missing her dad a lot as she’s his double and 100% a daddy’s girl. anyway, i met up with my sister rose (32) recently and we ended up visiting a toy store. i saw this male doll which looked a lot like dean and i decided to buy it for lisa so that she’d always have an reminder of her daddy. rose was miffed by this and demanded i buy my niece flora (also 4) a doll. for years rose has been trying to basically force me to treat her daughter the same or better than my own. here are some examples of her behaviour. there’s only five months between the girls and i’ve had to deal with rose being weird about that fact for years and during my pregnancy. lisa is my second daughter as i had a stillborn daughter in late 2014 at 20 and it broke me. rose witnessed this and when she announced her pregnancy, she was horrible and said that she was expecting the first grandchild saying my daughter didn’t count as she died whilst our parents and family said it was the second grandchild. then, when i got pregnant again rose was weird about it saying i shouldn’t have gotten pregnant so quickly and accused me of stealing her thunder of the “new grandchild.” there’s been some other occasions where she just expects our kids to share everything or make everything about flora for being the first grandchild and i’ve just had to put up with it. anyway, rose kept on insisting and i just snapped and said “no. i am sick of you pushing your kid onto me and basically making my one take a backseat. i’m buying my kid a doll literally to make her happy cos she’s missing her daddy. buy your own kid a fucking toy.” i ended up buying the toy and walking off. she went tattling to our parents adding dramatic flair to the story calling me a massive bitch for refusing to buy my niece a toy. my dad is in my side saying i’ve had to put up with her glorifying her kid for years whilst ignoring mine whilst my mom thinks i should give into her. my husband says he’s sick of rose and she even brought up my dead daughter again saying “she’d be ashamed of her mommy.” that reduced me to tears and i told her she’s dead to me but my mum insists i apologise to rose. edit; the girls weren’t with us	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband dean (29) and i (26f) have a wonderful little girl lisa and she’s 4. i’m a musician by trade so my work has pretty much stopped and my husband has been working a lot the past few months. i’m basically at home all the time with lisa and she is missing her dad a lot as she’s his double and 100% a daddy’s girl. anyway, i met up with my sister rose (32) recently and we ended up visiting a toy store. i saw this male doll which looked a lot like dean and i decided to buy it for lisa so that she’d always have an reminder of her daddy. rose was miffed by this and demanded i buy my niece flora (also 4) a doll. for years rose has been trying to basically force me to treat her daughter the same or better than my own. here are some examples of her behaviour. there’s only five months between the girls and i’ve had to deal with rose being weird about that fact for years and during my pregnancy. lisa is my second daughter as i had a stillborn daughter in late 2014 at 20 and it broke me. rose witnessed this and when she announced her pregnancy, she was horrible and said that she was expecting the first grandchild saying my daughter didn’t count as she died whilst our parents and family said it was the second grandchild. then, when i got pregnant again rose was weird about it saying i shouldn’t have gotten pregnant so quickly and accused me of stealing her thunder of the “new grandchild.” there’s been some other occasions where she just expects our kids to share everything or make everything about flora for being the first grandchild and i’ve just had to put up with it. anyway, rose kept on insisting and i just snapped and said “no. i am sick of you pushing your kid onto me and basically making my one take a backseat. i’m buying my kid a doll literally to make her happy cos she’s missing her daddy. buy your own kid a fucking toy.” i ended up buying the toy and walking off. she went tattling to our parents adding dramatic flair to the story calling me a massive bitch for refusing to buy my niece a toy. my dad is in my side saying i’ve had to put up with her glorifying her kid for years whilst ignoring mine whilst my mom thinks i should give into her. my husband says he’s sick of rose and she even brought up my dead daughter again saying “she’d be ashamed of her mommy.” that reduced me to tears and i told her she’s dead to me but my mum insists i apologise to rose. edit; the girls weren’t with us [/INST] nta honestly you should do as your husband says and go to nc and cut contact with her. your mom will say some stuff but just ignore that and move on because it is your life and you gotta enjoy it as much as it lasts. you were under your moms control for 18 years so it is fair to make decisions as an adult and enjoy your life. </s>
AITA for refusing to return my neighbor's "special" binoculars unless his wife comes and gets them?	hi. i f28 recently moved into a new neighborhood. all my neighbors are lovely. especially my next door neighbor, bless his heart (wink wink). he's married and has 2 kids. i noticed that he's been looking towards my house for a while. so far i'd caught him doing it twice. he had his binoculars with him and was basically, seemingly looking at my living room. i hate confrontation so what i did was close the curtains and go about my day but it started escalating. the other day he was peeking at my backyard (where i was sitting) from his balcony and his binoculars fell in my backyard. i looked up and he was gone. he knew that i saw him. i took the binoculars and put them inside. in the evening, he came knocking on my door asking how i was done and whatnot. i rolled my eyes but kept it civil. he then brought up the binoculars and said that they "must've fell in you backyard earlier today". i was like "hmm, wonder how that happened?" he said something about his kids probably messing with them and asked if i could go get them for him. i said i have them but i won't give them to him unless his wife comes and gets them herself. he looked at me shocked and angry and said that these binoculars are his, and they're special because he has them from when he was in military. and said that his wife has nothing to do with this. i told him that i will give them back once his wife shows up and asks for them, all he has to do is send her over. he threw a fit saying he can't send her because then she'll "misunderstand" the situation. i told him there is not misunderstanding if their kids we really the ones using the binoculars and insisted i won't give them back til his wife comes and gets them. we got into an argument but he kept his voice as low as he could then left looking furious. he's been complaining about me wanting "to stir drama" and keeps demanding i return his binoculars back to him and leave his wife out of it. aita? eta forget his age! he's 37.	18,663	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xgk5n5/aita_for_refusing_to_return_my_neighbors_special/	2022-09-17 11:35:45	nta honestly, good for you for standing your ground on it, the whole situation is creepy af. alternatively, to avoid (potentially) the police getting involved, you could wait to he's not home and take them to the wife yourself.	nta your neighbor is a creep. he knows he's doing something wrong and he's trying to get away with it. i'm sure other neighbors have noticed. if you see creepy's wife, see if you can talk to her. get some cameras and close the curtains facing their house. if he's watching you in the yard again, snap a photo and call the cops.	nta, but i would consider filing a police report, if you do not feel doing so puts any involved party’s safety at risk. he was clearly spying on you and has been. this is very violating. it’s harassment. this peeping tom behavior will escalate and you’re also at risk of violence from the current situation. a report will help develop a pattern of behavior, if you need to file an order of protection, or pursue greater action down the line.	nta. wow! you are a badass. make this fucker squirm!	nta. you could even take them over and give to the wife, describing her husband‘s behavior.	nta but if you want to take the advice of people saying you should tell the wife, keep in mind she could take his side and blame you for tempting him with your slutty existence cuz internalised misogyny n whatnot.	nta. lots of great advice here already. be careful though op. these are red flags, and you don’t know what else this guy might get up to. i agree with others that you need security cameras, documentation of your interactions, and a police report. there is an implied threat in asking his wife to come get them, and you don’t want some unhinged pervert feeling threatened to lash out at you in any way (even though i think your response is great). i would make a police report. on the off chance things escalate, you need to start your paper trail very early on before law enforcement will intervene. it’s sad, but educate yourself on how many stalking victims become murder victims. peeping can easily become stalking. i hope this is an insignificant one time event, but only time will tell.	nta. just hang on to that evidence op and document all incidents you can recall. if he sends the cops about stolen property, stay calm and tell them a very enlightening story about how they came into your possession.	nta. absolutely queen response.	nta. also, your solution deserves a crisp high five. as others have said, it does seem like hes been caught peepin before and now hes freakin out a bit that his wifes gonna find out hes back at it. dudes gross.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi. i f28 recently moved into a new neighborhood. all my neighbors are lovely. especially my next door neighbor, bless his heart (wink wink). he's married and has 2 kids. i noticed that he's been looking towards my house for a while. so far i'd caught him doing it twice. he had his binoculars with him and was basically, seemingly looking at my living room. i hate confrontation so what i did was close the curtains and go about my day but it started escalating. the other day he was peeking at my backyard (where i was sitting) from his balcony and his binoculars fell in my backyard. i looked up and he was gone. he knew that i saw him. i took the binoculars and put them inside. in the evening, he came knocking on my door asking how i was done and whatnot. i rolled my eyes but kept it civil. he then brought up the binoculars and said that they "must've fell in you backyard earlier today". i was like "hmm, wonder how that happened?" he said something about his kids probably messing with them and asked if i could go get them for him. i said i have them but i won't give them to him unless his wife comes and gets them herself. he looked at me shocked and angry and said that these binoculars are his, and they're special because he has them from when he was in military. and said that his wife has nothing to do with this. i told him that i will give them back once his wife shows up and asks for them, all he has to do is send her over. he threw a fit saying he can't send her because then she'll "misunderstand" the situation. i told him there is not misunderstanding if their kids we really the ones using the binoculars and insisted i won't give them back til his wife comes and gets them. we got into an argument but he kept his voice as low as he could then left looking furious. he's been complaining about me wanting "to stir drama" and keeps demanding i return his binoculars back to him and leave his wife out of it. aita? eta forget his age! he's 37.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hi. i f28 recently moved into a new neighborhood. all my neighbors are lovely. especially my next door neighbor, bless his heart (wink wink). he's married and has 2 kids. i noticed that he's been looking towards my house for a while. so far i'd caught him doing it twice. he had his binoculars with him and was basically, seemingly looking at my living room. i hate confrontation so what i did was close the curtains and go about my day but it started escalating. the other day he was peeking at my backyard (where i was sitting) from his balcony and his binoculars fell in my backyard. i looked up and he was gone. he knew that i saw him. i took the binoculars and put them inside. in the evening, he came knocking on my door asking how i was done and whatnot. i rolled my eyes but kept it civil. he then brought up the binoculars and said that they "must've fell in you backyard earlier today". i was like "hmm, wonder how that happened?" he said something about his kids probably messing with them and asked if i could go get them for him. i said i have them but i won't give them to him unless his wife comes and gets them herself. he looked at me shocked and angry and said that these binoculars are his, and they're special because he has them from when he was in military. and said that his wife has nothing to do with this. i told him that i will give them back once his wife shows up and asks for them, all he has to do is send her over. he threw a fit saying he can't send her because then she'll "misunderstand" the situation. i told him there is not misunderstanding if their kids we really the ones using the binoculars and insisted i won't give them back til his wife comes and gets them. we got into an argument but he kept his voice as low as he could then left looking furious. he's been complaining about me wanting "to stir drama" and keeps demanding i return his binoculars back to him and leave his wife out of it. aita? eta forget his age! he's 37. [/INST] nta honestly, good for you for standing your ground on it, the whole situation is creepy af. alternatively, to avoid (potentially) the police getting involved, you could wait to he's not home and take them to the wife yourself. </s>
AITA for kicking my SiL out after she threw away most of my single use baby products and even formula?	i'm 19f, i have a 3 week old baby girl. i do still live with my parents, but since i pay rent equally, they say i can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. i've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. i have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. they're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old. basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. i'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. they are completely against the products i use and often give me things like sils breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their lo has grown out of, etc. i've used some but it's not really my cup of tea. on monday night, my bother and sil were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. it was great and really relaxing. when i got home that evening, my sil said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything i don't need". this immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. when i went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, i'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us. i was extremely angry and i just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my sil. she and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when i confronted her. i told her she has to replace everything she dumped. when she said she can't afford to, i said fine, just get out and don't come back until i've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items. my brother thinks i'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. aita?	38,925	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oxrztn/aita_for_kicking_my_sil_out_after_she_threw_away/	2021-08-04 12:50:15	nta. throwing away unused disposable diapers is even worse than using them and throwing them away. they are still going to the same place but have now doubled. formula is expensive and you say you're supplementing... your baby is still getting breastmilk but needs a little more. that's why formula was created. your sil was waaaaay out of line. even if she doesn't agree with your parenting style, she has no right to sabotage it. it's the baby that will suffer. she needs to replace it all or give you the money to replace it.	so she saved the environment by (checks notes) throwing away all of your supplies. makes sense. nta and your sil has a screw loose.	nta sounds like theft to me. file a police report. she will replace.	nta- that is easily over $300 worth of stuff! also, women like her need to stop shaming other mothers. breastfeeding is not the best option for everyone.	nta. she can’t afford to replace the items, but fully expected you to do it? i would like to know the mental gymnastics she went through for that to make sense. i’m not sure she should be allowed back even after reimbursement.	nta - if your bro doesn't understand ask him; "how would you have felt, while you live on a budget -- if i had been at your place and thrown out your stuff because i don't 'agree' with it? bottom line is different parenting styles aren't wrong - just that - different. if we both don't learn to respect each other's choices, this will be the first of many problems. is that how you want these cousins to grow up, with their parents fighting? if he becomes reasonable, or they truly apologize, then maybe lift the 'don't come back' and let them replace as able (with a deadline or it all comes back up)	nta yeah, i’d be mega pissed. that stuff is expensive. so instead of letting you use it.. she threw away good products? does she not see the irony?	nta. babies are expensive. she trashed a lot of stuff that you can't get back that your baby needs.	nta they stole your items. and it was stupid as well of them as they just wasted all this stuff throwing it all into landfill instead of using it.	nta. they have no right to throw away your possessions. it's honestly like they robbed you and i feel you could contact the police about this. baby items are extremely expensive and especially for a single mother. yes they're parents but they're not your child's parents and have no say in the products you use. if they thought something could be legitimately harmful that's different but obviously not the case here.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 19f, i have a 3 week old baby girl. i do still live with my parents, but since i pay rent equally, they say i can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. i've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. i have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. they're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old. basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. i'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. they are completely against the products i use and often give me things like sils breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their lo has grown out of, etc. i've used some but it's not really my cup of tea. on monday night, my bother and sil were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. it was great and really relaxing. when i got home that evening, my sil said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything i don't need". this immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. when i went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, i'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us. i was extremely angry and i just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my sil. she and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when i confronted her. i told her she has to replace everything she dumped. when she said she can't afford to, i said fine, just get out and don't come back until i've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items. my brother thinks i'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm 19f, i have a 3 week old baby girl. i do still live with my parents, but since i pay rent equally, they say i can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. i've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. i have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. they're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old. basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. i'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. they are completely against the products i use and often give me things like sils breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their lo has grown out of, etc. i've used some but it's not really my cup of tea. on monday night, my bother and sil were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. it was great and really relaxing. when i got home that evening, my sil said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything i don't need". this immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. when i went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, i'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us. i was extremely angry and i just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my sil. she and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when i confronted her. i told her she has to replace everything she dumped. when she said she can't afford to, i said fine, just get out and don't come back until i've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items. my brother thinks i'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. aita? [/INST] nta. throwing away unused disposable diapers is even worse than using them and throwing them away. they are still going to the same place but have now doubled. formula is expensive and you say you're supplementing... your baby is still getting breastmilk but needs a little more. that's why formula was created. your sil was waaaaay out of line. even if she doesn't agree with your parenting style, she has no right to sabotage it. it's the baby that will suffer. she needs to replace it all or give you the money to replace it. </s>
AITA for not clapping when my sister sang in her voice class?	my sister (15) and i (19) are taking the same voice class at a community college. a requirement of the class is that you sing 5 times over the course of the semester. my sister is incredibly shy and has sang 5 times but it's always been on zoom for the professor. a couple things are nobody knows i'm her sister (she's adopted and we look absolutely nothing alike) and she's by far the youngest in the class (most of the class is in their mid 20's-early 30's) so everyone kinda babies her a little. my mom's friend's daughter, anna (25) is also in the class and my mom asked anna to watch my sister and make sure she's doing okay. anna also drives my sister to and from class because i go with my friends. anna babies her a lot. she gives her candy and takes her out to eat before class and she makes sure everyone's really nice to her. my sister sang on tuesday and when she was in a practice room, anna went around and told everyone to clap for her no matter how she does and to only give nice comments because she's terrified. then my sister sang and she sucked. she was looking down the whole time and had her arms around her chest, they had to restart the song twice for her, she was ahead of the music, and didn't get half the notes right. everyone clapped for her, except for me, then it was time for comments. i don't think i was rude, i just told her that the song needs a lot more work, she should probably pick a different song, and she needs to calm down before she sings again. she ended up crying and anna gave me a death stare. anna ended up taking her home early and when she got back to class, she pulled me aside and asked if i really had to make those comments and if it was absolutely necessary, it couldn't have waited until we were home and she wasn't on stage in front of the class. i said that i would've said that to everybody and she doesn't get special treatment just because she's afraid to talk or sing in front of people. when i got home my mom yelled at me for being mean to my sister and said that she cried in her room for a half hour because of how her performance went. i don't think it was a big deal but everyone else does so i wanted to know if i was the asshole.	6,638	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yf1z3v/aita_for_not_clapping_when_my_sister_sang_in_her/	2022-10-27 20:09:31	yta. i teach theatre at the college level. rule number one in my class and every performance class i've ever taken, you applaud everyone unless you are explicitly meant to withhold applause. you honor that person's work, every time, without fail. the feedback is perhaps a different issue, but it sounds to me like you went out of your way to bully your little sister, not to offer the same constructive feedback you'd give another student. do other students typically give harsher feedback, or is that usually the professor's job? in either case, while anna is not doing your sister any favors, you are far more ta.	yta for the manner in which you gave feedback, it was overly harsh. feedback should be things like "it was very brave of you to perform and it was clear you were nervous. next time some deep breathing ahead of time might help with the nerves. i like x about your voice and think a song like "example title" would showcase x more effectively than this song did."	yta. she was trying to overcome a fear and you made the experience more embarrassing. people with anxiety about doing certain things need to expose themselves to the situations to learn there’s nothing to be afraid of. you showed her when she tries if she fails the first time you’ll be there to tear her down instead of pushing her up.	first off, a story where everyone else clapped but i actually believe it haha wild stuff second, yta. you can give good feedback and not be an ah about it, it sounds like you are just jealous of your sister getting better treatment for being younger	hello, i am also a singer and have taught a lot of lessons. yta. she is fifteen years old, and she is singing in public. admittedly, that’s only four years ago for you but can you not remember how hard it was to just exist at fifteen, never mind being in the spotlight? the phrase, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” also apply’s to constructive criticism. what you said was cruel. you could have done two stars and a wish, not everything needs to be nasty and she probably knows all of the things you said already. “you got all the words correct, i liked the little bits of character inflection you put in the notes. next time maybe take a wee breath and slow down a bit, would be my only nitpick. but you still managed to pick yourself up and keep going, you should be so proud. i can’t wait to see you improve next time,” being nice costs nothing, especially to someone who just sounds like she’s starting out. op, you might have thick skin but not everyone does and being cruel just means other friends will be afraid to show you their efforts because they know you’ll tear them down for even trying.	yeah, yta. you can't justify being rude and shitty with "it's the truth." is it kind, is it necessary, is it true. you're missing the other two points. the rest of us learned polite communication in kindergarten. smarten up.	yta. somehow i get the impression that you don't like your sister. and i'm sorry, if this is obvious, but i'm not from the us..., what's a 15 year old doing in community college? shouldn't she be in high school?	yta....a little kindness goes a long way. i sense you are jealous of your sister for something and this may be why you have treated her the way you do. i am trying to follow my own advice and trying to be kind. you really need to look at this relationship you have with your sister and figure out why you did this to her. there was no reason for it. something tells me that she wasn't as bad as you are making it sound. why would she be in a singing group if she can't sing?	you seem like you relish in being an asshole. that's ok, you're 15, there's still time for your brain to grow. if it does, you'll look back on these actions with a lot of shame.	yta. i think you're confusing babying with being a nice and considerate person. she's a 15 year old, facing a fear in front of a group of people. and you - as her sister - tore her down out of jealousy. i'm glad she had someone on her side there, because she obviously can't count on you.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (15) and i (19) are taking the same voice class at a community college. a requirement of the class is that you sing 5 times over the course of the semester. my sister is incredibly shy and has sang 5 times but it's always been on zoom for the professor. a couple things are nobody knows i'm her sister (she's adopted and we look absolutely nothing alike) and she's by far the youngest in the class (most of the class is in their mid 20's-early 30's) so everyone kinda babies her a little. my mom's friend's daughter, anna (25) is also in the class and my mom asked anna to watch my sister and make sure she's doing okay. anna also drives my sister to and from class because i go with my friends. anna babies her a lot. she gives her candy and takes her out to eat before class and she makes sure everyone's really nice to her. my sister sang on tuesday and when she was in a practice room, anna went around and told everyone to clap for her no matter how she does and to only give nice comments because she's terrified. then my sister sang and she sucked. she was looking down the whole time and had her arms around her chest, they had to restart the song twice for her, she was ahead of the music, and didn't get half the notes right. everyone clapped for her, except for me, then it was time for comments. i don't think i was rude, i just told her that the song needs a lot more work, she should probably pick a different song, and she needs to calm down before she sings again. she ended up crying and anna gave me a death stare. anna ended up taking her home early and when she got back to class, she pulled me aside and asked if i really had to make those comments and if it was absolutely necessary, it couldn't have waited until we were home and she wasn't on stage in front of the class. i said that i would've said that to everybody and she doesn't get special treatment just because she's afraid to talk or sing in front of people. when i got home my mom yelled at me for being mean to my sister and said that she cried in her room for a half hour because of how her performance went. i don't think it was a big deal but everyone else does so i wanted to know if i was the asshole.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my sister (15) and i (19) are taking the same voice class at a community college. a requirement of the class is that you sing 5 times over the course of the semester. my sister is incredibly shy and has sang 5 times but it's always been on zoom for the professor. a couple things are nobody knows i'm her sister (she's adopted and we look absolutely nothing alike) and she's by far the youngest in the class (most of the class is in their mid 20's-early 30's) so everyone kinda babies her a little. my mom's friend's daughter, anna (25) is also in the class and my mom asked anna to watch my sister and make sure she's doing okay. anna also drives my sister to and from class because i go with my friends. anna babies her a lot. she gives her candy and takes her out to eat before class and she makes sure everyone's really nice to her. my sister sang on tuesday and when she was in a practice room, anna went around and told everyone to clap for her no matter how she does and to only give nice comments because she's terrified. then my sister sang and she sucked. she was looking down the whole time and had her arms around her chest, they had to restart the song twice for her, she was ahead of the music, and didn't get half the notes right. everyone clapped for her, except for me, then it was time for comments. i don't think i was rude, i just told her that the song needs a lot more work, she should probably pick a different song, and she needs to calm down before she sings again. she ended up crying and anna gave me a death stare. anna ended up taking her home early and when she got back to class, she pulled me aside and asked if i really had to make those comments and if it was absolutely necessary, it couldn't have waited until we were home and she wasn't on stage in front of the class. i said that i would've said that to everybody and she doesn't get special treatment just because she's afraid to talk or sing in front of people. when i got home my mom yelled at me for being mean to my sister and said that she cried in her room for a half hour because of how her performance went. i don't think it was a big deal but everyone else does so i wanted to know if i was the asshole. [/INST] yta. i teach theatre at the college level. rule number one in my class and every performance class i've ever taken, you applaud everyone unless you are explicitly meant to withhold applause. you honor that person's work, every time, without fail. the feedback is perhaps a different issue, but it sounds to me like you went out of your way to bully your little sister, not to offer the same constructive feedback you'd give another student. do other students typically give harsher feedback, or is that usually the professor's job? in either case, while anna is not doing your sister any favors, you are far more ta. </s>
AITA for getting mad my artist hid their initials in my tattoo?	this is a short one. names changed for privacy. i went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo i wanted. it was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. but the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked exactly as it did in the photo. i get to the shop, i explain everything, i pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, i think it looks awesome, everything is great! until a few weeks later when i show my great grandmother the tattoo. she’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “who’s aj?” i ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials a and j or maybe t were hidden into the tattoo. i’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is alice trever. she tries to assure me it’s no big deal if i hadn’t noticed it til now, but i still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. they told me the style of art i got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. i demanded a partial refund and they refused, so i complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund. now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. my sister says i’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but i feel like, at the end of the day, i told you exactly what i wanted and you didn’t do that. aita?	39,235	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tpp4gc/aita_for_getting_mad_my_artist_hid_their_initials/	2022-03-27 17:49:44	nta and i would even consider suing. they kind of branded you with their initials... and they should get fired ...	nta. this person straight up branded you! not only that, this isn't even the artist's design, it's a copied design!	nta tattoo artists don't get to sign their work because their canvas is a human being. this is known. this is conventionally understood.	nta i remember there was an ink master episode where someone had a piece with a clock face and the artist put their time of birth on it as some kind of "signature". the judges ripped him up for it. same basic principle. tattoo artists shouldn't be signing a tat in anyway without first discussing it with the client. your artist definitely shouldn't have done this since it was a particularly meaningful design for you.	nta i’ve been tattooing for almost 20 years and this is something you never do! wtf!!	not only did the artist permanently brand you without your permission. but it wasn’t even original artwork. this artist has to be so full of herself, she must be bursting at the seems. nta	[removed]	nta i'm a tattooed guy and this thing is incredibly gross, she ruined a meaningful piece of art and she branded your own body without giving you a heads up... and now she's trying to play victim over it? are these details discussed in this "smear campaign" of hers? if i were you (and with the store owner's blessing), i'd intervene and explain to everyone exactly what she did, because that shit will get her trashed pretty bad in the tattoo community	nta. the artist put something on your body they didn't have permission to. you didn't consent to their initials, and it's really weird to mark another person with your name without them knowing. i hope word gets around because what this artist did was definitely not okay.	so much nta. my mother's last position before she retired was as a same-day surgery scrub nurse at a teaching hospital. she told me warning stories about how there's always a percentage of surgical residents who are...well like this one guy she gave as an example: he would carve his initials into the skulls of brain surgery patients any time he got the chance. when it comes to your body, anyone doing anything to it not medically warranted or specifically requested by you as part of a service, should not be in a profession where they put hands on people. your tattoo artist should not be a tattoo artist.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a short one. names changed for privacy. i went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo i wanted. it was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. but the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked exactly as it did in the photo. i get to the shop, i explain everything, i pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, i think it looks awesome, everything is great! until a few weeks later when i show my great grandmother the tattoo. she’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “who’s aj?” i ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials a and j or maybe t were hidden into the tattoo. i’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is alice trever. she tries to assure me it’s no big deal if i hadn’t noticed it til now, but i still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. they told me the style of art i got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. i demanded a partial refund and they refused, so i complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund. now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. my sister says i’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but i feel like, at the end of the day, i told you exactly what i wanted and you didn’t do that. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this is a short one. names changed for privacy. i went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo i wanted. it was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. but the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked exactly as it did in the photo. i get to the shop, i explain everything, i pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, i think it looks awesome, everything is great! until a few weeks later when i show my great grandmother the tattoo. she’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “who’s aj?” i ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials a and j or maybe t were hidden into the tattoo. i’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is alice trever. she tries to assure me it’s no big deal if i hadn’t noticed it til now, but i still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. they told me the style of art i got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. i demanded a partial refund and they refused, so i complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund. now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. my sister says i’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but i feel like, at the end of the day, i told you exactly what i wanted and you didn’t do that. aita? [/INST] nta and i would even consider suing. they kind of branded you with their initials... and they should get fired ... </s>
AITA for refusing to remove a scary welcome mat from outside my door?	i live in an apartment complex, i was never really familiar with any of my neighbors as i've pretty much kept myself. a friend of mine as a joke got me a welcome mat with pennywise the clown from the movie "it" it's kind of a 3d matt that shows you falling into a hole with pennywise waiting at the bottom. i should specify that this friend recently passed away, so this mat is somewhat sentimental to me. i got a knock at my door and it was a woman who lives in the same building as me, she asked me to change my welcome mat because it scared her kids. i told her it was given to me by a friend who passed away recently and it has sentimental value to me, and closed the door. she complained to the leasing office the manager called me, i told him the situation and asked him what lease clause am i violating? he was tongue tied, i said tell me which clause i am violating and i will remove it and then hung up. aita?	8,140	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p5pkyn/aita_for_refusing_to_remove_a_scary_welcome_mat/	2021-08-16 21:27:18	yta. this sub isn't "am i technically violating my lease agreement", it's am i the asshole. deliberately and unnecessarily frightening anyone more vulnerable than you is always an asshole move. no one's telling you to throw out the welcome mat, just move it inside your doorway instead of outside in the shared hallway. there's literally no reason why it has to be in the common space instead of inside your home.	put it inside the door instead?	yta, just pop the mat inside the door or something. small children get irrationally scared by stuff, so while you’re legally right, keeping it out is a bit douchey.	frame it and hang it in your apartment. you will not get another gift from your friend who has passed.	yta. i know you have the right to have that doormat. but the question is whether it makes you an ah. it does. little kids get scared and to have something that is scaring a kid in your building is kind of an ah move. if you scare a kid that doesn’t really deserve it, you are being jerky. if i lived there and it was my kid, i’d probably steal or deface your doormat if you didn’t do the neighborly thing after a polite request.	yta - this sub so often conflates things you can do with things you should do. just because you can leave a scary doormat in front of your apartment, doesn’t mean you should, especially to the detriment of your neighbors who share that space. even more especially because you do not own your apartment or the space in front of your door. asking someone to remove an intentionally frightening object is reasonable, refusal to accommodate when you absolutely could makes you an ah.	yta. someone made a specific request about it scaring kids, it wasn’t a simple o don’t like it, it has to do with kids. the hall way is not your space it’s common property. put it in your apartment and enjoy it. i’m sorry for the loss of your friend and to be honest the mat is a lot safer inside your apartment rather than outside where it can be damaged or stolen. and the fact you are leaving it in a place that it can get muddy from people standing on it doesn’t really do anything to preserve the memory of your friend.	yta. you may not be violating any lease clauses, but you’re causing discomfort for your neighbours. yes it holds sentimental value, but it’s causing children trauma. the neighbourly thing to do would be to move it. you could place it just inside your doorway and it would solve the issue.	yta. inside of your apartment is your space. outside of your space is shared space. save it for when you have a house or put it on the other side of your apt doorframe. it makes sense that it has such sentimental value, but knowing it scares children (who can’t avoid it, presumably) and still keeping it there makes you the ah.	info: if it's from a late friend, wouldn't you want to protect it and conserve it somewhere safe? not where people can steal it or walk on with their dirty shoes? what's your end goal here. have it expose to anyone until something happens to it?	YTA	null	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in an apartment complex, i was never really familiar with any of my neighbors as i've pretty much kept myself. a friend of mine as a joke got me a welcome mat with pennywise the clown from the movie "it" it's kind of a 3d matt that shows you falling into a hole with pennywise waiting at the bottom. i should specify that this friend recently passed away, so this mat is somewhat sentimental to me. i got a knock at my door and it was a woman who lives in the same building as me, she asked me to change my welcome mat because it scared her kids. i told her it was given to me by a friend who passed away recently and it has sentimental value to me, and closed the door. she complained to the leasing office the manager called me, i told him the situation and asked him what lease clause am i violating? he was tongue tied, i said tell me which clause i am violating and i will remove it and then hung up. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i live in an apartment complex, i was never really familiar with any of my neighbors as i've pretty much kept myself. a friend of mine as a joke got me a welcome mat with pennywise the clown from the movie "it" it's kind of a 3d matt that shows you falling into a hole with pennywise waiting at the bottom. i should specify that this friend recently passed away, so this mat is somewhat sentimental to me. i got a knock at my door and it was a woman who lives in the same building as me, she asked me to change my welcome mat because it scared her kids. i told her it was given to me by a friend who passed away recently and it has sentimental value to me, and closed the door. she complained to the leasing office the manager called me, i told him the situation and asked him what lease clause am i violating? he was tongue tied, i said tell me which clause i am violating and i will remove it and then hung up. aita? [/INST] yta. this sub isn't "am i technically violating my lease agreement", it's am i the asshole. deliberately and unnecessarily frightening anyone more vulnerable than you is always an asshole move. no one's telling you to throw out the welcome mat, just move it inside your doorway instead of outside in the shared hallway. there's literally no reason why it has to be in the common space instead of inside your home. </s>
AITA for not telling people my missing cousin is staying with me right away?	it is the middle of the night, and my phone won't stop ringing because of my family. to try and keep this short, my cousin "jake" got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. his parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could "cure" him. a kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so jake didn't want to go. jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. his folks didn't file a missing person report because they didn't want to look bad to their neighbors. they just told them that he went to that camp willingly. he dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. after making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and i allowed him to stay. he didn't want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him. i made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured jake that they cannot take him. three days ago, he told his parents he was here. a few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him. my family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that i didn't tell someone sooner. well, jake didn't feel safe yet, and still doesn't. i wanted to make sure he was ready. still, even those that want to protect jake is upset with me for hiding him. aita for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready?	23,669	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kazgfw/aita_for_not_telling_people_my_missing_cousin_is/	2020-12-11 09:12:43	nta. but weird that you think you’d be an asshole for protecting him from those fucked up conversion camps. keep protecting him. stick to it man. make sure he knows he has a safe place to stay with you.	nta. fuck those people. fuck homophobes that think being gay is something that needs to be cured in the first place. fuck people that think parents have any right to do that to their kids. good on you for protecting him.	you need to call the police since the camp people are trying to kidnap him. they know he doesn't want to go but keep showing up. he needs a restraining order on these people. this is very sinister. if the camp people show up again, call the police. take pictures, document everything. ask jake to write down every time they've come to get him and if there's other witnesses. you're nta, in fact you're a saint to protect jake from his clearly dangerous family and even took him to a lawyer. jake didn't and doesn't feel safe because he clearly isn't. there's a cultish organisation following him and trying to kidnap him. jake clearly can't trust the rest of the family, so please keep supporting him until he gets on his feet. &#x200b;	nta, if those camp people show back up tell them they'll be charged with trespassing if you ever see their asses on your property again.	nta he is a legal adult (although as someone who remembers being 18, that's far from mature lol). it's good that you provide him the emotional support he needs, and he'll probably need a good therapist or support group to help him work through the treatment he's getting from the rest of the family. poor kid.	not the asshole, nta - dear lord his parents are terrible people and they will be in my prayers, i hope they find love through christ eventually, instead of just using him to reenforce their bigotry, but usually at that point they're too far gone, and they're gonna burn for their prejudice... but i digress if he didn't want you to, you could have never ever told his parents for the rest of his life and you would never have been the asshole, jesus christ crying in a bucket, i'm sorry you're in the middle of this but protecting him is 100% the right thing to do and i applaud your for it. those camps literally are psychological and physical abuse rolled up in a nice little religious package and i can't believe anyone would tell you your the asshole for not letting a whole ass adult be sent to a brain washing facility, he's 18 so he needs to leave a note with you that if he does end up there he went unwillingly and was in fact kidnaped please go get him, just in fucking case - in a million years i don't think you ever could be the ass hole i'm gonna sound like an internet creeper but if he runs out of safe places and keeps being harassed my husband(27m) and my (31m) home in kansas is always open to protect those in need (and not to sound like trash but i have and will again if need be, straight up trailer park fight people in my front yard over this shit) sorry, but conversion therapy is a hot button issue for me	nta what you did for your cousin just shows how much of a good character you and your wife are! going above and beyond to not only respect his wishes you also sought legal help to protect him and inform him! if you were apart of my family i think i would know who my favourites would be!	nta - you were protecting your cousin. it's very sad that it's his family you had to protect him from. it's incomprehensible to me that anyone could try to put someone they are supposed to love through conversion therapy. i don't even think it's legal in some states.	my gosh nta. conversion camps should be illegal. you are doing the right thing op, don't worry. kinda glad here in australia that they are in the process of naming them illegal or already have.	he's 18. they are not entitled to know where he is. also, they want to send him to """""camp""""" to be tortured, so again, they are not entitled to know where he is. nta. they can go pound sand.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: it is the middle of the night, and my phone won't stop ringing because of my family. to try and keep this short, my cousin "jake" got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. his parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could "cure" him. a kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so jake didn't want to go. jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. his folks didn't file a missing person report because they didn't want to look bad to their neighbors. they just told them that he went to that camp willingly. he dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. after making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and i allowed him to stay. he didn't want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him. i made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured jake that they cannot take him. three days ago, he told his parents he was here. a few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him. my family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that i didn't tell someone sooner. well, jake didn't feel safe yet, and still doesn't. i wanted to make sure he was ready. still, even those that want to protect jake is upset with me for hiding him. aita for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> it is the middle of the night, and my phone won't stop ringing because of my family. to try and keep this short, my cousin "jake" got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. his parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could "cure" him. a kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so jake didn't want to go. jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. his folks didn't file a missing person report because they didn't want to look bad to their neighbors. they just told them that he went to that camp willingly. he dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. after making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and i allowed him to stay. he didn't want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him. i made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured jake that they cannot take him. three days ago, he told his parents he was here. a few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him. my family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that i didn't tell someone sooner. well, jake didn't feel safe yet, and still doesn't. i wanted to make sure he was ready. still, even those that want to protect jake is upset with me for hiding him. aita for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready? [/INST] nta. but weird that you think you’d be an asshole for protecting him from those fucked up conversion camps. keep protecting him. stick to it man. make sure he knows he has a safe place to stay with you. </s>
AITA for banning my husband’s female friend from our house?	throwaway account, english is not my first language, i’m on mobile - i apologise. i (27f) have been married with my husband (m32) for three years and haven been dating for a little over 5. my husband has this friend (f31) ‘mary’. they’ve known each other since they were in high school and she’s considered ‘one of the boys’, if you may. that basically means she’s always invited to all the fishing trips and stuff, which i don’t mind at all, i trust my husband. well, my problems with mary started when she first found out i’m half romanian. it started kinda innocently, with her asking me to say certain words, teach her some insults etc which didn’t necessarily bother me, but it usually put me on the spot whenever we were out with my husband’s group of friends. it only escalated to her googling stuff about romania and asking me ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? i bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’ (which is just blatantly racist) last week, me and my husband organised a mini bbq with our friends and mary was invited by my husband despite me telling him she makes me uncomfortable. he said he had talked to her about her remarks and she’s been understanding so it’s unlikely she’ll say something this time. it was midnight and there were about 4 of us left and i accidentally spilled some red wine on mary’s jeans when i tripped over a carpet. all hell broke loose. mary started saying that i’m a witch and i’m trying to ruin her life and this whole thing is part of my ritual and i’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy trying to ruin my husband’s life’ and i’ve poisoned my husband against her. i started crying and profusely apologising. when she wouldn’t drop it, i kicked her out and banned her from ever coming to my house again. aita for doing this? my husband insists that mary was just drunk and talking nonsense and he would talk to her. he also told me i’m way too sensitive about my heritage and i’m an a-hole for banning her. mary has since given me a half hearted apology but i’m still not ok with her.	31,306	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hkh0dd/aita_for_banning_my_husbands_female_friend_from/	2020-07-03 10:54:19	nta i think your husband needs to re-evaluate the fact that he’d be friends with someone that’s so disrespectful to his own wife	nta. she's being racist and your husband should be standing up for you. maybe down the line if her behaviour improves and you forgive her you could consider rescinding the ban, but unless that happens you're doing a reasonable thing and he should be in your corner on this one.	nta. why does your husband want to be friends with someone who is so awful to you?	nta. mary sounds like a racist. maybe she's jealous there's another woman in the group now? her remark about how you're turning your husband against her makes me think she feel threatened by you. your husband should be sticking up for you. they both owe you an apology.	this sounds like mary...is acting like a hugely jealous girlfriend. and because her behaviour has been enabled for so long, she feels entitled to threaten whomever she chooses. she dosnt like that you are centre place for you husband. not her. your husband needs to grow a pair here and acknowledge that whatever mary may have been allowed to get away with before.....that shit stops now. ask how he would feel if you had a male friend that was allowed to insult him in his own home.while you went away on trips with him? he needs to step in here...and speak to mary, with you, as a couple. you both need to make it clear, that non of this bs is acceptable. she is racist, offensive, rude and being drunk is never an excuse. she is being nothing more than a toxic bully and that you both have no problem in removing her from your lives. a friend would not do this to her friends wife. a husband would not put his friend feelings before his wife. ask your husband which woman he has married. you are not playing mistress to her. she sounds like shes trying to play it to you though. husband needs to stop enabling her behaviour and making excuses. mary needs to step off entirely until she can learn to be respectful. or not be welcome at all. your house. your rules. do not let this go. edit...just to add...what exactly do you think she would be like if you had children? they would have a mixed heritage....she going to potentially bully them too? i can just see how this will keep going if you dont stop it.... second edit...thankyou kind strangers for the awards x edit 3: op i have just read your update. im so sorry you had to find this out in such an awful way. you deserve so much better. do not think the other wives and girlfriends wont be tearing her down over this, and your husband. it will re evaluate the whole friendship group. certainly no female in this group will trust her again. sending you big internet hugs and i wish you a peaceful recovery from this. i truley hope you find happiness in the future xx	nta for openers you’re don’t need to have anyone in your house that you‘re not comfortable with. in conclusion, mary is strange at best. does she have any women friends? your husband though is the real asshole here. his loyalty is messed up. and remarks about your sensitivity prove it.	nta. i would seriously have a sit down with your husband and see what the deal is. your are his wife and if he will not defend you against clear bigotry and hatred, then what will he actually stand up for?	> ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? i bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’ > this whole thing is part of my ritual and i’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy never tolerate such aggression. never ever. react immediately and react hard, at any costs. if you compromise on this, you're lost, you'll become a slave. i hope you understand what i mean. it is zero tolerance and immediate hard reaction or it is you losing self esteem, social status and everything. from my vast experience, the best reaction is to attack the aggressor with his own weapons, questioning his identity and heritage. re-establishing symmetry. as for your marriage, i'm afraid your husband will have to choose between you and "mary". make no compromise.	nta, but the fact that your husband glands over her racist obnoxious remarks is concerning. stay away from that evil.	nta, mary is racist and hubby should frow a pair. i would also question him being so protective of her.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account, english is not my first language, i’m on mobile - i apologise. i (27f) have been married with my husband (m32) for three years and haven been dating for a little over 5. my husband has this friend (f31) ‘mary’. they’ve known each other since they were in high school and she’s considered ‘one of the boys’, if you may. that basically means she’s always invited to all the fishing trips and stuff, which i don’t mind at all, i trust my husband. well, my problems with mary started when she first found out i’m half romanian. it started kinda innocently, with her asking me to say certain words, teach her some insults etc which didn’t necessarily bother me, but it usually put me on the spot whenever we were out with my husband’s group of friends. it only escalated to her googling stuff about romania and asking me ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? i bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’ (which is just blatantly racist) last week, me and my husband organised a mini bbq with our friends and mary was invited by my husband despite me telling him she makes me uncomfortable. he said he had talked to her about her remarks and she’s been understanding so it’s unlikely she’ll say something this time. it was midnight and there were about 4 of us left and i accidentally spilled some red wine on mary’s jeans when i tripped over a carpet. all hell broke loose. mary started saying that i’m a witch and i’m trying to ruin her life and this whole thing is part of my ritual and i’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy trying to ruin my husband’s life’ and i’ve poisoned my husband against her. i started crying and profusely apologising. when she wouldn’t drop it, i kicked her out and banned her from ever coming to my house again. aita for doing this? my husband insists that mary was just drunk and talking nonsense and he would talk to her. he also told me i’m way too sensitive about my heritage and i’m an a-hole for banning her. mary has since given me a half hearted apology but i’m still not ok with her.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway account, english is not my first language, i’m on mobile - i apologise. i (27f) have been married with my husband (m32) for three years and haven been dating for a little over 5. my husband has this friend (f31) ‘mary’. they’ve known each other since they were in high school and she’s considered ‘one of the boys’, if you may. that basically means she’s always invited to all the fishing trips and stuff, which i don’t mind at all, i trust my husband. well, my problems with mary started when she first found out i’m half romanian. it started kinda innocently, with her asking me to say certain words, teach her some insults etc which didn’t necessarily bother me, but it usually put me on the spot whenever we were out with my husband’s group of friends. it only escalated to her googling stuff about romania and asking me ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? i bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’ (which is just blatantly racist) last week, me and my husband organised a mini bbq with our friends and mary was invited by my husband despite me telling him she makes me uncomfortable. he said he had talked to her about her remarks and she’s been understanding so it’s unlikely she’ll say something this time. it was midnight and there were about 4 of us left and i accidentally spilled some red wine on mary’s jeans when i tripped over a carpet. all hell broke loose. mary started saying that i’m a witch and i’m trying to ruin her life and this whole thing is part of my ritual and i’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy trying to ruin my husband’s life’ and i’ve poisoned my husband against her. i started crying and profusely apologising. when she wouldn’t drop it, i kicked her out and banned her from ever coming to my house again. aita for doing this? my husband insists that mary was just drunk and talking nonsense and he would talk to her. he also told me i’m way too sensitive about my heritage and i’m an a-hole for banning her. mary has since given me a half hearted apology but i’m still not ok with her. [/INST] nta i think your husband needs to re-evaluate the fact that he’d be friends with someone that’s so disrespectful to his own wife </s>
AITA i (38 m) for telling my fiancee ( f 27)her wedding dress choice is way too extravagant and suggesting alternatives?	sorry on mobile and throwaway as she's a redditor we are getting married in july of this year,the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted. emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrap book of lots of dresses she likes for idea's but is now looking to buy. all that's left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress. we jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over which i think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had. we aren't the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for emma to pick her dress. i know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attatched to it what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil! i'm using my dad's old tux he used for his wedding to my mom,just had it taken in a little, emma can't use her mum's dress as her and her mum both say the style hasn't aged well wich is fair. i had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! and so many just like the one emma wants for like $50 to $100. i'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon . i tried to show her some dresses i found on a reccomended app called wish and others on website's but she was having none of it. she is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted? it turned nasty unfortunately because i said i refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress. wich isn't strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined. then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it's not a case of not being able to afford it. it's a dress! there are identical one's online at a fraction of the cost. i thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset. aita here? is there something i am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress emma has been extremely cold towards me. then yestersay she said if i want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage. im blown away that she would say that over a dress, i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole. aita here? tl;dr fiancee can get similar dress for around $100 with shipping online but wants to blow over $1000 at a local wedding dress boutique aita for saying to get a cheaper one online?	7,889	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eoley4/aita_i_38_m_for_telling_my_fiancee_f_27her/	2020-01-14 13:42:02	yta. you say you don't want her to cheap out, but then you say you want her to buy a $50 -$100 wedding dress. that's cheap. that's cheap even for a regular dress. those cheap dresses you're finding online will look terrible in person and are the source of so many disappointed women and jokes. wedding dresses and their tailoring are expensive. $1000 is actually a low priced dress. regardless of dress type, though, your reaction to her - calling her names and deciding you have veto power - is the real problem. you should be solving this issue together. if you can't, maybe it's not time to get married yet.	hi emma- op said you can see this thread. stay with your parents, this dude is a wiener.	yta no offense but you have no idea what you're talking about. i assure you the $100 dress is not the "same exact dress", it's a cheap knockoff (which is what the wish app is known for). also yes, the dress needs to be fitted to her proportions, it would be very unusual for anyone to fit perfectly into an off the rack size gown perfectly with no alterations. $950 is actually not bad at all for a wedding gown including alterations. i understand if you have different priorities with money, but it does not sound like this would be a huge deal in the grand scheme of everything with what you'd shared about your finances. let her have this one. if anything, just let her know that something else might have to give in your budget for the wedding or the honeymoon to accommodate for the dress and let her make that decision for herself.	yta. you are suggesting she get married in a $50-$100 dress, and then when her parents offered to pay for her dress, it's not even about the money for you. you literally want to control what she wears, an adult woman.	dude... yta. to say it once, whatever, okay, she's heard your opinion. this is her day just as much as it is your day. > we jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over > she argued that she is using her own money she is, by your own admission. her parents even offered to pay for the dress, because they wanted their daughter to have her day her way and clearly money is of no concern. that should have been the end of it. > she is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted? being slender has nothing to do with it. she'll want her dress to fit her well, this goes for both a new dress and one secondhand. > i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have like seriously? sorry op but your girlfriend deserves way better.	are you joking or trolling? or are you just painfully oblivious? >what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil! this is the lower end for a wedding gown from a store that specializes in gowns. literally this is low/mid-range at david's bridal. and the vast majority of brides will have their dress altered. if you guys wanted to go cheaper, the way to do that is to go to a seamstress/tailer with something that was from a non-bridal store. basically she finds a white/ivory gown from someplace reputable (not the $100 wedding gown, i'll get to that below), tries it on before buying, and then gets is custom tailored to fit really well. and that online $100 wedding dress is very likely to look like crap. it's basically going to be a wedding gown costume. if you are looking at a site like wish, it's going to be a shoddily made costume, with inconsistent sizing and coloring, and cheap looking and feeling fabric, which may or may not have detailing attached with hot glue. you're wearing your dad's tux, so you don't feel an immediate cost there, but i guarantee that suit wasn't cheap when it was new. you want her to walk down the isle in a cheap costume wedding dress while you wear tux. and she will look like a joke in that scenario. yta.	she cannot get a similar dress for $100!!! why would you think that?? you are so wrong. it is stupid and arrogant to think you can base what a dress is like off a picture. those dresses you found online are often very cheaply made. $1,000 is standard for a dress and getting it fitted is the norm. she is reacting this way not because of the dress but because: you are being arrogant and stubborn about something you clearly don’t know shit about. she’s thinking to herself: “is he going to disrespect my opinion and act like this about decisions in the future.” i feel for the girl, must have been super annoying to talk to you about this. yta!!	yta. you are a massive fucking asshole here, i can’t get over it. as most people have clearly stated, the price she has found for the wedding dress she wants is not unreasonable at all compared to the average. the irony of you talking about how you saved 10k each of your own money, but then referring to her share of the 10k as also yours cus you’ll be married in a few months is just ridiculous. you are not married yet, it is not your money you lunatic. why on earth would you want to start a massive argument with the woman you’re meant to be in love with, over $900? (since you seem to think she shouldn’t be allowed to spend more than $100). also, i hope you take on the fact that literally everyone responding on this thread thinks you’re a huge asshole, cus from reading your replies you’re not taking the criticism at all. good luck to emma, poor girl	yta the wedding dress may not be important to you, but it's clearly important to her. you didn't "discuss" this with her, you just told her: >i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole. yeaaaah.	yta. 1000 times over. i also thinking you're trolling, because no one can be as oblivious as you.	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sorry on mobile and throwaway as she's a redditor we are getting married in july of this year,the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted. emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrap book of lots of dresses she likes for idea's but is now looking to buy. all that's left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress. we jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over which i think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had. we aren't the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for emma to pick her dress. i know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attatched to it what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil! i'm using my dad's old tux he used for his wedding to my mom,just had it taken in a little, emma can't use her mum's dress as her and her mum both say the style hasn't aged well wich is fair. i had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! and so many just like the one emma wants for like $50 to $100. i'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon . i tried to show her some dresses i found on a reccomended app called wish and others on website's but she was having none of it. she is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted? it turned nasty unfortunately because i said i refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress. wich isn't strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined. then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it's not a case of not being able to afford it. it's a dress! there are identical one's online at a fraction of the cost. i thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset. aita here? is there something i am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress emma has been extremely cold towards me. then yestersay she said if i want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage. im blown away that she would say that over a dress, i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole. aita here? tl;dr fiancee can get similar dress for around $100 with shipping online but wants to blow over $1000 at a local wedding dress boutique aita for saying to get a cheaper one online?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> sorry on mobile and throwaway as she's a redditor we are getting married in july of this year,the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted. emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrap book of lots of dresses she likes for idea's but is now looking to buy. all that's left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress. we jointly put aside 10 k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6 k left over which i think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had. we aren't the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for emma to pick her dress. i know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attatched to it what i wasn't expecting was an $950 dress plus $120 veil! i'm using my dad's old tux he used for his wedding to my mom,just had it taken in a little, emma can't use her mum's dress as her and her mum both say the style hasn't aged well wich is fair. i had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! and so many just like the one emma wants for like $50 to $100. i'm not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon . i tried to show her some dresses i found on a reccomended app called wish and others on website's but she was having none of it. she is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted? it turned nasty unfortunately because i said i refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress. wich isn't strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined. then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it's not a case of not being able to afford it. it's a dress! there are identical one's online at a fraction of the cost. i thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset. aita here? is there something i am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress emma has been extremely cold towards me. then yestersay she said if i want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage. im blown away that she would say that over a dress, i told her she's like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can't have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent's, who called to tell me i am much more than an asshole. aita here? tl;dr fiancee can get similar dress for around $100 with shipping online but wants to blow over $1000 at a local wedding dress boutique aita for saying to get a cheaper one online? [/INST] yta. you say you don't want her to cheap out, but then you say you want her to buy a $50 -$100 wedding dress. that's cheap. that's cheap even for a regular dress. those cheap dresses you're finding online will look terrible in person and are the source of so many disappointed women and jokes. wedding dresses and their tailoring are expensive. $1000 is actually a low priced dress. regardless of dress type, though, your reaction to her - calling her names and deciding you have veto power - is the real problem. you should be solving this issue together. if you can't, maybe it's not time to get married yet. </s>
AITA for saying my sister needs to stop bringing up her miscarriage for attention?	okay this is a doozy, so please strap in and bear with me. for context here, my sister is 30, i am 22. ten years ago, my sister had a miscarriage. obviously, it was devastating for her and the whole family and it took her a couple of years to fully heal from it. we're still not 100% sure why it happened, but it was a one off and she's since had three very healthy, beautiful children, including a set of twins. so here's the thing. my sister and i don't really get on. she resented me as a kid because she had to share mum's attention and because she thought mum left her dad to be with mine. never really grew out of that resentment and she was pretty much my biggest bully throughout childhood and my teenage years. one thing she absolutely cannot stand is when mum and i do things without her, or when mum pays more attention to me than to her. when this happens she calls mum and says she's feeling really upset about the miscarriage and without fail mum goes running. this includes a trip to paris i took mum on for her birthday earlier this year, which she cut short because sister said she needed her. also includes when i had a manic episode so bad i was hospitalised and sister managed to need mum every time she was planning to visit me and so she never did. note, these times when mum is spending more time with me than her are the only times sister brings up what happened and certainly the only times she still gets so upset about it. so recently i was sick. like, don't leave the bathroom for days, can only keep water down sick. didn't manage to get the doctor, but i think it was norovirus. it lasted about a week mum was popping in daily on her way home from work to check on me and stuff. on the last day of being seriously unwell, when i felt i could eat again, mum offered to make me some soup while she was there, which i accepted. she was halfway through making it when sister called her saying she was upset about the miscarriage and she told me i'd have to finish it myself because she had to go. i didn't say anything to mum and i finished making the soup, but i sent my sister a text saying she really needs to stop bringing it up for attention because she can't bear me getting some instead. i guess she told mum and her dad because i'm hearing from all sides what a horrible, insensitive, selfish bastard i am and how dare i say that to her. i understand she may still be traumatised, i just think it's really weird how that trauma solely manifests whenever i'm getting attention and she isn't. aita?	32,615	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eejyso/aita_for_saying_my_sister_needs_to_stop_bringing/	2019-12-23 12:22:44	nta ten years? with other, healthy children? yeah that's some bs you're not in the wrong here.	nta - oh my god. miscarriages are so common. while they are sad, she is totally just doing it for attention. im surprised your mom falls for it. but, since everyone falls for it, i guess there is nothing you can do. honestly, you should feel bad for your sister. she is so insecure in her relationship with your mom that she doesn’t think she is capable of getting her attention. she thinks she needs to talk about this to be noticed	nta it's been 10 years. she has children now. she needs to grow up and realize it's not all about her. you should explain to your mom your side in full with examples of your sister pulling this. and your sister needs some serious therapy	nta. your mother is ta. your sister keeps this jackass behavior up because it works. this one’s on your mom. i get that you don’t like your sister so it’s easier to be mad at her, but think about it. who bails on you when your sister snaps her fingers? mom. your beef is with mom. so while i don’t think saying that to your sister makes you ta, i do think you’re directing your energy in an unproductive direction. talk to the person whose behavior is actually upsetting you.	nta miscarriages are common that doesn’t make it not sad but it’s definitely not something she can keep doing this shit with. tell her if it’s such a ptsd causing event that she should get therapy.	nta: i have a similar type situation with my sister. cant talk to my mom on the phone w/out her coming in to listen or interjecting or mom having to go because she (or her two kids my parents are practically raising cause she wont) needs something. its gotten so bad i rarely call anymore and now mom wants to know why. im like cause you never have time for me. only for them. you can call when you are totally free. sounds like you are gonna have to set some clear boundaries with your family as well. so sorry you have to deal with this. hope you can figure out something to get some peace.	nta but this is more on your mom for giving in.	it’s possible that you have a skewed data set here, and that you only hear about your sister getting upset about her miscarriage when it impacts you. otherwise it wouldn’t be necessary for your mum to tell you each time your sister calls upset. no ruling.. just saying this could be a possibility, in which case i can understand why your parents think you’re ta.	nta. your mum needs to stop pandering to this nonsense, cutting a holiday short over something that happened ten years ago is ridiculous and she's enabling your sister's selfish behaviour.	esh, but i think your mom is the worst you - even though from what you described you’re not being treated fairly, you didn’t have to accuse your sister of using the miscarriage for attention. it sounds like you two don’t talk very often so how would you know how often she talks about it? yeah, most people get over something like that within ten years, but it’s not your life event, and from what you’ve said you can’t say for sure she’s doing this consciously or maliciously. your sister - mostly for the bullying, possibly for using the miscarriage for sympathy (need more information or a different perspective to say for sure - is she deliberately doing this or is she really not over it/have mental health issues?). your mom - your mom is the biggest asshole here for taking your sisters needs over yours. with the circumstances you described you needed your mom more than your sister, but your mom took her side. in my eyes it doesn’t really matter what your sister gives as an excuse for why she needs your mom more, the real problem is your mom prioritizing your sister over you. the key to addressing this is talking with your mom.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	ESH	0.013095	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay this is a doozy, so please strap in and bear with me. for context here, my sister is 30, i am 22. ten years ago, my sister had a miscarriage. obviously, it was devastating for her and the whole family and it took her a couple of years to fully heal from it. we're still not 100% sure why it happened, but it was a one off and she's since had three very healthy, beautiful children, including a set of twins. so here's the thing. my sister and i don't really get on. she resented me as a kid because she had to share mum's attention and because she thought mum left her dad to be with mine. never really grew out of that resentment and she was pretty much my biggest bully throughout childhood and my teenage years. one thing she absolutely cannot stand is when mum and i do things without her, or when mum pays more attention to me than to her. when this happens she calls mum and says she's feeling really upset about the miscarriage and without fail mum goes running. this includes a trip to paris i took mum on for her birthday earlier this year, which she cut short because sister said she needed her. also includes when i had a manic episode so bad i was hospitalised and sister managed to need mum every time she was planning to visit me and so she never did. note, these times when mum is spending more time with me than her are the only times sister brings up what happened and certainly the only times she still gets so upset about it. so recently i was sick. like, don't leave the bathroom for days, can only keep water down sick. didn't manage to get the doctor, but i think it was norovirus. it lasted about a week mum was popping in daily on her way home from work to check on me and stuff. on the last day of being seriously unwell, when i felt i could eat again, mum offered to make me some soup while she was there, which i accepted. she was halfway through making it when sister called her saying she was upset about the miscarriage and she told me i'd have to finish it myself because she had to go. i didn't say anything to mum and i finished making the soup, but i sent my sister a text saying she really needs to stop bringing it up for attention because she can't bear me getting some instead. i guess she told mum and her dad because i'm hearing from all sides what a horrible, insensitive, selfish bastard i am and how dare i say that to her. i understand she may still be traumatised, i just think it's really weird how that trauma solely manifests whenever i'm getting attention and she isn't. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> okay this is a doozy, so please strap in and bear with me. for context here, my sister is 30, i am 22. ten years ago, my sister had a miscarriage. obviously, it was devastating for her and the whole family and it took her a couple of years to fully heal from it. we're still not 100% sure why it happened, but it was a one off and she's since had three very healthy, beautiful children, including a set of twins. so here's the thing. my sister and i don't really get on. she resented me as a kid because she had to share mum's attention and because she thought mum left her dad to be with mine. never really grew out of that resentment and she was pretty much my biggest bully throughout childhood and my teenage years. one thing she absolutely cannot stand is when mum and i do things without her, or when mum pays more attention to me than to her. when this happens she calls mum and says she's feeling really upset about the miscarriage and without fail mum goes running. this includes a trip to paris i took mum on for her birthday earlier this year, which she cut short because sister said she needed her. also includes when i had a manic episode so bad i was hospitalised and sister managed to need mum every time she was planning to visit me and so she never did. note, these times when mum is spending more time with me than her are the only times sister brings up what happened and certainly the only times she still gets so upset about it. so recently i was sick. like, don't leave the bathroom for days, can only keep water down sick. didn't manage to get the doctor, but i think it was norovirus. it lasted about a week mum was popping in daily on her way home from work to check on me and stuff. on the last day of being seriously unwell, when i felt i could eat again, mum offered to make me some soup while she was there, which i accepted. she was halfway through making it when sister called her saying she was upset about the miscarriage and she told me i'd have to finish it myself because she had to go. i didn't say anything to mum and i finished making the soup, but i sent my sister a text saying she really needs to stop bringing it up for attention because she can't bear me getting some instead. i guess she told mum and her dad because i'm hearing from all sides what a horrible, insensitive, selfish bastard i am and how dare i say that to her. i understand she may still be traumatised, i just think it's really weird how that trauma solely manifests whenever i'm getting attention and she isn't. aita? [/INST] nta ten years? with other, healthy children? yeah that's some bs you're not in the wrong here. </s>
AITA for refusing to pay for ranch at a pizza place, and going across the street to buy a bottle from CVS?	so, last night me and a few friends went to a pizza shop in downtown morgantown. we got a couple pizzas, some regular and some gourmet. we didn't know, but every pizza came with a cup of garlic sauce. well, none of us liked garlic sauce and we asked if we could get some ranch instead. they wanted a dollar per cup, and wouldn't swap the garlic sauce. keep in mind, these were large pizzas and very hungry college students and we would have needed about 10 of these little cups of ranch. they were these: https://www.kensfoodservice.com/products/buttermilk-ranch-dressing we weren't about to pay $10 for ranch dressing, and told the girl who brought out the pizza not to worry about the ranch. the restaurant owner overheard this and made a comment "shit isn't free boys" and that really pissed me off. there was a convenience store across the street, and i decided to get us some ranch. i got up and walked across the street and bought a big bottle of ranch, enough for 5 more pizza outings for $5. some of my friends said i shouldn't have done that, and the store owner gave me a dirty look. i was told i was "petty" and "tight". i told them i was going to enjoy my cheap ranch and if it was that big of a personal conviction, keep their hands off it. that personal conviction lasted 30 seconds, and pretty soon that bottle was being passed around the table. remember, they gave out the garlic sauce and refused to substitute ranch. it was frustrating and strange to say the least. so aita for refusing to pay $10 for ranch and going to buy my own bottle instead?	10,549	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qw1ulf/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_ranch_at_a_pizza/	2021-11-17 15:34:25	yta for eating pizza with ranch dressing. but seriously, you shouldnt bring in outside food or condiments to a restaraunt.	nta . as a refugee of the service industry, i would normally say you're the asshole for bringing in your own ranch instead of paying for it, but in this case you were justified. the restaurant should have been happy substituted condiments of equal value, that's just good service. and that owner made that rude, condescending comment calling you boys? fuck that guy. i wouldn't be going back to eat at that place anyway.	[deleted]	yta. you don't bring outside food into a restaurant because you don't feel like paying for the upgrade. you were cheap and the restaurant doesn't owe you a different dipping sauce.	none of you like garlic sauce?! and all prefer ranch dressing, on pizza?!	nta. you weren't asking for extra, just a substitution. once the owner made his snide comment, imo all bets were off and he had it coming.	yta. is this your first time getting food at a restaurant? of course they're going to charge you more than what you can get at the store.	nta, idk why everyone is acting all uptight in the comments. everyone complains about paying extra for condiments, even at mcdonald’s. so screw capitalism & do you buddy.	lemme guess..... casa? that place still there?	yta on two counts 1. bringing outside stuff in to a restaurant 2. putting ranch on a pizza, you monster	YTA	NTA	null	YTA	null	NTA	YTA	NTA	null	YTA	0.727158	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, last night me and a few friends went to a pizza shop in downtown morgantown. we got a couple pizzas, some regular and some gourmet. we didn't know, but every pizza came with a cup of garlic sauce. well, none of us liked garlic sauce and we asked if we could get some ranch instead. they wanted a dollar per cup, and wouldn't swap the garlic sauce. keep in mind, these were large pizzas and very hungry college students and we would have needed about 10 of these little cups of ranch. they were these: https://www.kensfoodservice.com/products/buttermilk-ranch-dressing we weren't about to pay $10 for ranch dressing, and told the girl who brought out the pizza not to worry about the ranch. the restaurant owner overheard this and made a comment "shit isn't free boys" and that really pissed me off. there was a convenience store across the street, and i decided to get us some ranch. i got up and walked across the street and bought a big bottle of ranch, enough for 5 more pizza outings for $5. some of my friends said i shouldn't have done that, and the store owner gave me a dirty look. i was told i was "petty" and "tight". i told them i was going to enjoy my cheap ranch and if it was that big of a personal conviction, keep their hands off it. that personal conviction lasted 30 seconds, and pretty soon that bottle was being passed around the table. remember, they gave out the garlic sauce and refused to substitute ranch. it was frustrating and strange to say the least. so aita for refusing to pay $10 for ranch and going to buy my own bottle instead?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so, last night me and a few friends went to a pizza shop in downtown morgantown. we got a couple pizzas, some regular and some gourmet. we didn't know, but every pizza came with a cup of garlic sauce. well, none of us liked garlic sauce and we asked if we could get some ranch instead. they wanted a dollar per cup, and wouldn't swap the garlic sauce. keep in mind, these were large pizzas and very hungry college students and we would have needed about 10 of these little cups of ranch. they were these: https://www.kensfoodservice.com/products/buttermilk-ranch-dressing we weren't about to pay $10 for ranch dressing, and told the girl who brought out the pizza not to worry about the ranch. the restaurant owner overheard this and made a comment "shit isn't free boys" and that really pissed me off. there was a convenience store across the street, and i decided to get us some ranch. i got up and walked across the street and bought a big bottle of ranch, enough for 5 more pizza outings for $5. some of my friends said i shouldn't have done that, and the store owner gave me a dirty look. i was told i was "petty" and "tight". i told them i was going to enjoy my cheap ranch and if it was that big of a personal conviction, keep their hands off it. that personal conviction lasted 30 seconds, and pretty soon that bottle was being passed around the table. remember, they gave out the garlic sauce and refused to substitute ranch. it was frustrating and strange to say the least. so aita for refusing to pay $10 for ranch and going to buy my own bottle instead? [/INST] yta for eating pizza with ranch dressing. but seriously, you shouldnt bring in outside food or condiments to a restaraunt. </s>
WIBTA if I kicked my daughter out for not turning appliances off?	throwaway. a little background information, i(37f) had my (16f) while still in college. my parents felt i was too young to and too broke to raise her so they raised her. they took on the roles of her parents and her father has never been in the picture so i was grateful and although she knows i'm her mother, she sees me as a sister. i try my best to make sure she lives comfortably and has everything she needs but really, there's only so much i can do since my parents are capable enough and i appreciate them. the conflict started when she came to stay over at my place two weeks ago to try and bond as mother and daughter. i'll be honest, i've always wanted this but she didn't, she only came because my parents asked her to. she's a darling for the most part but she leaves every appliance she uses on. if she enters a room and turns on the lights, she will leave it on too. it's quite irritating and i tried to talk to her about it. she laughed it off every time and told stories about her bad memory and what she forgot to turn off at so and so's house. part of me thinks she's doing it to vex me. i honestly have no problem turning lights off when she leaves rooms but my house is never lacking in kids. i have none myself apart from my daughter but my friends and neighbors often drop theirs over for me to watch them and i love them. yesterday, my daughter went out with friends and left the electric iron on and i only found out when my neighbor's kid (f10) told me the iron is hot. needless to say, i was furious. i went off on my daughter when she came back and reminded her that kids like to poke at sockets and the iron could have caused an injury. besides, it's a fire hazard. she said ok, sorry, and she would try to remember, only to leave it on again this morning. the plan was to stay for two months and it's only been two weeks but i'm reconsidering it. my friend thinks sending her back will blow up the only chance at bonding. so will i be the asshole if i sent her back to my parents and banned her from my house regardless? eta info for those calling me a bad mother for giving her away. i did not choose this. they took her. it was a whole court case that ruled in my parents' favor because they had money and i was still in college. they have been great grandparents and they have the right to decide whether or not i get to see her, and they only allowed me to meet her when she was 11 and stay with her recently. she also doesn’t 'forget' anywhere else. just at my place.	5,003	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xi8gmo/wibta_if_i_kicked_my_daughter_out_for_not_turning/	2022-09-19 10:44:53	yta. going from "unplug the iron" to "get out of my house" is quite a leap. you now suddenly have your child in the house. at 16 she looks adult, but she is a kid. childproof it. have conversations with your child. discuss what is a suitable reaction if she can't remember to not put your place on fire. if one of those discussions comes to the conclusion that you are neither of you happy in this situation, ask if she would rather go back to grandma. be an adult. try being a parent. don't be the teen-age older sister that overreacts.	[deleted]	if your response to the first parenting challenge is to kick her out, i’m glad your parents raised her. 100% ywbta	absolutely ywbta. she’s a kid. supervise her. check she turns the iron off.	ywbta. you aren’t going to have a traditional mom/kid relationship with her- that opportunity is long gone. but kicking her out is essentially going to push her to write you off. regardless of whether this is habit or she’s just wired this way- you wanted to bond as a mom with her: here is your opportunity. she either needs to develop awareness, or figure out safeguards, so she doesn’t burn the house down. work with her to figure it out. also- this is so typical of adhd folks there are youtube channels dedicated to hacks and appliances so we don’t leave the house with the stove on.	yta. if you do this, it could take a lot longer than you originally thought for the two of you to bond as mother and daughter. as you've pointed out, she didn't want this, and is only at your place because your parents asked her to come. i'm thinking that she's unhappy in this arrangement and is acting out in order for you to send her back home. not to mention, you've got a lot of other kids at your place because you act as a babysitter to your neighbors. now how do you expect to bond with your daughter in that environment? if you wanted to bond with her, you needed to be able to spend time with just the two of you. instead, you've got the neighbors kids hanging around all the time, children that you "love," there as well. did you ever stop to think how seeing you with children you "love" would impact your daughter? if i were her, i would think i was brought to your place to help you babysit, not to bond.	[removed]	info you've had nothing to do with your daughter until 2 weeks ago?	yup you would be yta. you want to have a chance to bond, and you thought it was going to be candies and roses? kids are hard because their brains aren't fully grown, and they haven't processed adult responsibilities. and you think she's doing it to vex you? 😑 i don't know if you're ever going to be her parent, but if you want to part of raising her, you have to catch up to a lot of work in actually raising kids. read some books, in your case for step parents because you can't occupy the traditional role at the moment. but if you kick her out now, yeah, you're effecting whatever relationship you'll have for a long time.	you're pissed that people are calling you a bad mother but you're here asking if you're justified kicking out your kid because she doesn't turn appliances off, despite you knowing that this is likely to implode any chance you have at bonding with her. lady, just ban her from the appliances, thats like parenting 101	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	INFO	YTA	null	0.007141	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway. a little background information, i(37f) had my (16f) while still in college. my parents felt i was too young to and too broke to raise her so they raised her. they took on the roles of her parents and her father has never been in the picture so i was grateful and although she knows i'm her mother, she sees me as a sister. i try my best to make sure she lives comfortably and has everything she needs but really, there's only so much i can do since my parents are capable enough and i appreciate them. the conflict started when she came to stay over at my place two weeks ago to try and bond as mother and daughter. i'll be honest, i've always wanted this but she didn't, she only came because my parents asked her to. she's a darling for the most part but she leaves every appliance she uses on. if she enters a room and turns on the lights, she will leave it on too. it's quite irritating and i tried to talk to her about it. she laughed it off every time and told stories about her bad memory and what she forgot to turn off at so and so's house. part of me thinks she's doing it to vex me. i honestly have no problem turning lights off when she leaves rooms but my house is never lacking in kids. i have none myself apart from my daughter but my friends and neighbors often drop theirs over for me to watch them and i love them. yesterday, my daughter went out with friends and left the electric iron on and i only found out when my neighbor's kid (f10) told me the iron is hot. needless to say, i was furious. i went off on my daughter when she came back and reminded her that kids like to poke at sockets and the iron could have caused an injury. besides, it's a fire hazard. she said ok, sorry, and she would try to remember, only to leave it on again this morning. the plan was to stay for two months and it's only been two weeks but i'm reconsidering it. my friend thinks sending her back will blow up the only chance at bonding. so will i be the asshole if i sent her back to my parents and banned her from my house regardless? eta info for those calling me a bad mother for giving her away. i did not choose this. they took her. it was a whole court case that ruled in my parents' favor because they had money and i was still in college. they have been great grandparents and they have the right to decide whether or not i get to see her, and they only allowed me to meet her when she was 11 and stay with her recently. she also doesn’t 'forget' anywhere else. just at my place.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway. a little background information, i(37f) had my (16f) while still in college. my parents felt i was too young to and too broke to raise her so they raised her. they took on the roles of her parents and her father has never been in the picture so i was grateful and although she knows i'm her mother, she sees me as a sister. i try my best to make sure she lives comfortably and has everything she needs but really, there's only so much i can do since my parents are capable enough and i appreciate them. the conflict started when she came to stay over at my place two weeks ago to try and bond as mother and daughter. i'll be honest, i've always wanted this but she didn't, she only came because my parents asked her to. she's a darling for the most part but she leaves every appliance she uses on. if she enters a room and turns on the lights, she will leave it on too. it's quite irritating and i tried to talk to her about it. she laughed it off every time and told stories about her bad memory and what she forgot to turn off at so and so's house. part of me thinks she's doing it to vex me. i honestly have no problem turning lights off when she leaves rooms but my house is never lacking in kids. i have none myself apart from my daughter but my friends and neighbors often drop theirs over for me to watch them and i love them. yesterday, my daughter went out with friends and left the electric iron on and i only found out when my neighbor's kid (f10) told me the iron is hot. needless to say, i was furious. i went off on my daughter when she came back and reminded her that kids like to poke at sockets and the iron could have caused an injury. besides, it's a fire hazard. she said ok, sorry, and she would try to remember, only to leave it on again this morning. the plan was to stay for two months and it's only been two weeks but i'm reconsidering it. my friend thinks sending her back will blow up the only chance at bonding. so will i be the asshole if i sent her back to my parents and banned her from my house regardless? eta info for those calling me a bad mother for giving her away. i did not choose this. they took her. it was a whole court case that ruled in my parents' favor because they had money and i was still in college. they have been great grandparents and they have the right to decide whether or not i get to see her, and they only allowed me to meet her when she was 11 and stay with her recently. she also doesn’t 'forget' anywhere else. just at my place. [/INST] yta. going from "unplug the iron" to "get out of my house" is quite a leap. you now suddenly have your child in the house. at 16 she looks adult, but she is a kid. childproof it. have conversations with your child. discuss what is a suitable reaction if she can't remember to not put your place on fire. if one of those discussions comes to the conclusion that you are neither of you happy in this situation, ask if she would rather go back to grandma. be an adult. try being a parent. don't be the teen-age older sister that overreacts. </s>
AITA for not putting my boyfriends name on my house?	i really thought this was normal but so many people are telling me i'm a bitch for not doing so that it's starting to mess with my head tbh. i recently received a house, my grandmother passed away and left her 2 houses to my sister and i. we sat down and between the 2 of us decided that she should have the bigger house as she is married and has 2 kids and another on the way, while i would move into the smaller 2 bedroom house. my sisters husband has been added to the title of her house as he helped her pay the tax on it. i was able to pay the tax on mine by myself as it was cheaper due to being smaller, because my boyfriend (3 years) didn't contribute financially towards it i didn't think to put him on the title. we had a housewarming party last weekend and his parents came up to me towards the end of the night and were going on about how lucky bf and i were to be able to live somewhere like this rent free and it gives us such a head start in life and they were very appreciative that i'd given half the house to my bf. i corrected them that i hadn't and he wasn't on the title but was welcome to live with me and not pay rent so that he had more money to put towards his studies (we are both masters students). they immediately became very judgemental saying that i was being unfair not putting his name on the title, and that clearly i didn't expect the relationship to last, i didn't trust him etc. i say they were being unfair and he wasn't entitled to half of my family's house and then walked away. now numerous members of his family have messaged me and him saying i'm a bitch and i don't trust him and tell him to watch out because clearly i don't love him etc. aita here? i've gotten a bunch of messages asked what my bf thinks so i put my response here: i brought it up with him on monday and he said that he feels like it's a sign i don't trust him. i said that i wouldn't add a man to the title unless we were married and he was paying for half of the rates and stuff. he said that he feels like i'm blackmailing him into getting married. i said i wasn't, i just wouldn't want to make a huge commitment like giving him half my house without some commitment from him and he said to just drop it because "we're never going to agree so let's just leave it so we don't argue"	18,493	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vn2r7r/aita_for_not_putting_my_boyfriends_name_on_my/	2022-06-29 00:55:55	nta. key phrase here: "numerous members of his family have messaged me". your boyfriend did not contribute to the house and it is your inheritance. he should be happy that he doesn't have to pay rent. the vast majority of the adult world still has to make payments in the form of rent or a mortgage while he gets a gravy train. if he's not happy with the very generous offer you've given him, kick him out. he will add to the wear and tear of the home that is your responsibility to upkeep. block his family.	nta, and your boyfriend's family are really overstepping here. this is none of their business and it's very crass that they feel entitled to comment. he didn't contribute at all. he isn't your spouse. you aren't obligated to add his name to the title.	lol nta, greed, one of the seven deadly sins. your grandmother passed away and left you her home. your boyfriend is not entitled to a damn thing. your sister chose to add her husband to the title because he has accepted financial responsibility for their shared family home. why on earth would you add someone you are dating to the title of your home and give him 50% equity in a home you inherited.	nta. huge red flags. you’re not married. it’s your home from your grandmother. even if you got married, that’s for you to decide whether you put him on the title or not. he’s not entitled to half of a home (a huuuge amount of money) just because you’re in a relationship. his family needs to stay out of it. edit after op’s	nta. my wife and i have been married for 15 years and my name still isn’t on the title of our beach property she inherited from her grandmother. yes, we both refer to it as “ours” as we do with everything but legally i have no attachment to the place…and i don’t give a shit. if we were to ever divorce, i would never try to take that place away from her and if she were to pass away prematurely, it goes straight to me anyway. he’s just a fucking boyfriend. boyfriends are overrated. protect your house.	if there are this many people messaging you from his side of the family calling you out about this you are going to have to give your boyfriend an ultimatum. he is either going to have to contact everyone in the family and tell them to calm down and understand that he has no legal claim over ownership of the home. even if you got married your ownership should be protected because you inherited the home. if he decides to allow his family to treat you this way (saying he doesn't want "confrontation" is no excuse here) you might have to tell him you are reconsidering the relationship. if he's not gonna stand up for you in this instance i don't think he ever will. it might sound like i'm going to extremes here but you have been with this man for three years. how he responds to this situation is going to show you how committed to the relationship he actually is.	do not put his name on it unless you’re married and if you do get married get a prenup. you have a fully paid up house. you never want to lose any ownership in it in case of a break up. absolutely nta	nta why would you put your bf on your title. it is your inheritance. you have paid taxes. you are a homeowner with all the rights and responsibilities of one. his family can say whatever they want. it isn't their house, either.	nta. the way his family is acting is very entitled over a house that was left to you by your grandmother is giving off red flags. they have no right to demand that you add your boyfriend's name to the house and quite frankly it's none of their business. op don't add your boyfriend's name to the title.	just to add as well, never put his name on it. you never want to be forced to sell your grandmas house if case of a break up. that would be gut wrenching. loss of partner and loss of home/ sentimental loss as well. this is your home, your inheritance and your memories.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i really thought this was normal but so many people are telling me i'm a bitch for not doing so that it's starting to mess with my head tbh. i recently received a house, my grandmother passed away and left her 2 houses to my sister and i. we sat down and between the 2 of us decided that she should have the bigger house as she is married and has 2 kids and another on the way, while i would move into the smaller 2 bedroom house. my sisters husband has been added to the title of her house as he helped her pay the tax on it. i was able to pay the tax on mine by myself as it was cheaper due to being smaller, because my boyfriend (3 years) didn't contribute financially towards it i didn't think to put him on the title. we had a housewarming party last weekend and his parents came up to me towards the end of the night and were going on about how lucky bf and i were to be able to live somewhere like this rent free and it gives us such a head start in life and they were very appreciative that i'd given half the house to my bf. i corrected them that i hadn't and he wasn't on the title but was welcome to live with me and not pay rent so that he had more money to put towards his studies (we are both masters students). they immediately became very judgemental saying that i was being unfair not putting his name on the title, and that clearly i didn't expect the relationship to last, i didn't trust him etc. i say they were being unfair and he wasn't entitled to half of my family's house and then walked away. now numerous members of his family have messaged me and him saying i'm a bitch and i don't trust him and tell him to watch out because clearly i don't love him etc. aita here? i've gotten a bunch of messages asked what my bf thinks so i put my response here: i brought it up with him on monday and he said that he feels like it's a sign i don't trust him. i said that i wouldn't add a man to the title unless we were married and he was paying for half of the rates and stuff. he said that he feels like i'm blackmailing him into getting married. i said i wasn't, i just wouldn't want to make a huge commitment like giving him half my house without some commitment from him and he said to just drop it because "we're never going to agree so let's just leave it so we don't argue"	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i really thought this was normal but so many people are telling me i'm a bitch for not doing so that it's starting to mess with my head tbh. i recently received a house, my grandmother passed away and left her 2 houses to my sister and i. we sat down and between the 2 of us decided that she should have the bigger house as she is married and has 2 kids and another on the way, while i would move into the smaller 2 bedroom house. my sisters husband has been added to the title of her house as he helped her pay the tax on it. i was able to pay the tax on mine by myself as it was cheaper due to being smaller, because my boyfriend (3 years) didn't contribute financially towards it i didn't think to put him on the title. we had a housewarming party last weekend and his parents came up to me towards the end of the night and were going on about how lucky bf and i were to be able to live somewhere like this rent free and it gives us such a head start in life and they were very appreciative that i'd given half the house to my bf. i corrected them that i hadn't and he wasn't on the title but was welcome to live with me and not pay rent so that he had more money to put towards his studies (we are both masters students). they immediately became very judgemental saying that i was being unfair not putting his name on the title, and that clearly i didn't expect the relationship to last, i didn't trust him etc. i say they were being unfair and he wasn't entitled to half of my family's house and then walked away. now numerous members of his family have messaged me and him saying i'm a bitch and i don't trust him and tell him to watch out because clearly i don't love him etc. aita here? i've gotten a bunch of messages asked what my bf thinks so i put my response here: i brought it up with him on monday and he said that he feels like it's a sign i don't trust him. i said that i wouldn't add a man to the title unless we were married and he was paying for half of the rates and stuff. he said that he feels like i'm blackmailing him into getting married. i said i wasn't, i just wouldn't want to make a huge commitment like giving him half my house without some commitment from him and he said to just drop it because "we're never going to agree so let's just leave it so we don't argue" [/INST] nta. key phrase here: "numerous members of his family have messaged me". your boyfriend did not contribute to the house and it is your inheritance. he should be happy that he doesn't have to pay rent. the vast majority of the adult world still has to make payments in the form of rent or a mortgage while he gets a gravy train. if he's not happy with the very generous offer you've given him, kick him out. he will add to the wear and tear of the home that is your responsibility to upkeep. block his family. </s>
AITA for telling my wife to stop acting out infront of my mom?	my wife and i had our babyboy 5 weeks ago. everythibg's going fine, no health problems or complications whatsoever. however, my wife is often exhausted so i let my mom come over to help out with cleaning and stuff (i can barely have time to work) and also, at the same time, spend time with the baby and bond with him a little bit. thing is my wife acts strange whenever she sees my mom with our son. she'd make a face and talk to her in a descending tone, even raises her voice at her causing mom to feel hurt. i asked my wife about it and she said it was because of what my mom is doing. i asked her to elaporate and she complained about mom holding the baby for long and taking forever to give him back to her. mom argued that my wife could ask nicely instead of outright yelling but my wife defended herself saying that she only starts raising her voice after she's already asked a couple of times and mom won't listen. they started arguing and mom started crying. that's when i felt enraged, pulled my wife aside and told her to stop acting out and that if she keeps this up then we won't get anymore help from mom. she argued that she was trying to feed our son and that it was awful of me to think of it as "acting out". i said i understood her frustration and yes mom can do things that require some patience from us. but a little kindness can go a long way in keeping the peace in this difficult time. she called me selfish and said that it's easy for me to say when i'm not the one "dealing with this". from there the argument escalated despite me trying to cut it short. i went outside to calm down and after that my wife started cold shouldering me. i told her this was not okay but she told me to go sc*ew myself and that from now on out i should deal with taking our son back from my mom when it's time for feeding since i "condone" this behabior. i really am not condoning anything and really think she's stressed out yes but the way she behaves around mom is, in my opinion, not okay. etm:: my goodness! i'm seeing so much anger here. i'm sorry i can not respond to you all but i just want people to calm down and understand that i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay and that's all. really. thank you very much though! ok. have a nice day.	15,105	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x87yx8/aita_for_telling_my_wife_to_stop_acting_out/	2022-09-07 15:24:55	yta, and your edit only solidifies it. "i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay." so you think your wife should sit there with a dumb smile on her face while your mother keeps him from her and refuses to let her grandson be fed in a timely manner? puh-leeeeeeeeeeze. it's pretty clear you're letting your mother run roughshod over your wife, and you're doubling down by saying she should manage her reaction. you need to get control of your mother, apologize to your wife profusely, and start directly helping out with your son and household. yesterday.	yta. also if your mom is holding the baby that’s not helping. she’s helping if she’s doing dishes or making a meal so your wife can rest with the baby.	yta. you're mom sounds like a meddlesome pest. your wife shouldn't have to ask more then once for her baby. put your mother in her proper place and stand-up for and support your wife.	yta trying to picture how i'd feel if i gave birth five weeks ago, had to ask multiple times to have access to my own baby, and then my husband told me that i was the problem. i wouldn't feel good about my marriage, that's for sure. did you marry her just to get a grandbaby for your mom?	yta “yeah my mom can do some things that require some patience from us” your logic is backwards dude. your wife doesn’t have any patience. she had a baby 5 weeks ago, you may think there’s no complications or health problems but she’s still physically recovering. her hormones are all over the place and what she needs is for you to have her back and support her. the cluelessness of some fellas. be enraged at your mom for making your wife upset, pull your mom aside and talk to her about her being the one that’s “acting out”. how about you show some empathy and kindness to the woman that grew and birthed your kid. jfc.	when my mil came over after the birth of our daughter and pulled this exact sh*t my husband’s reaction was to physically take the baby from his mom, hand her to me, and show his mom to her car. you support a new mom by supporting her, not by trying to make things easier for yourself. yta	yta. she just had a fucking baby. it's easy to say "everything's going fine" when all you did is orgasm 10 months ago. your wife is still recovering from birth and when she needs to feed her kid, there should be no hesitation or arguments whatsoever from anyone else. get on your wife's side, man. your edit isn't helping you at all, it actually makes you look worse. your wife's reactions are not out of line. you and your mother are out of line.	yta. so let me be sure i’ve got this straight: your mom needs “patience and kindness,” but your wife - who just gave birth - gets an “enraged” reaction from you for needing to enforce that when she says it’s time to give the baby back, it’s time to give the baby back without pulling an “only if you ask nicely” routine? who are you under the impression you’re raising this child with, dude? if your mom’s “help” is not only getting in the way of your wife being able to do her job but preventing you two from operating as a team, then no, you really don’t benefit from placating her at all costs.	yta. your wife just went through a major medical procedure bringing a child into the world, whether you get that or not. it's her child, not your mother's, so your wife should never be in a position where she has to ask more than once for your mom to give the baby back for any reason. as it happens, though, your wife is literally trying to nourish y'all's offspring! so your mom is the one who needs to accommodate your wife, not the other way around, & you should have your wife's back rather than attacking her for her perfectly understandable upset.	[removed]	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i had our babyboy 5 weeks ago. everythibg's going fine, no health problems or complications whatsoever. however, my wife is often exhausted so i let my mom come over to help out with cleaning and stuff (i can barely have time to work) and also, at the same time, spend time with the baby and bond with him a little bit. thing is my wife acts strange whenever she sees my mom with our son. she'd make a face and talk to her in a descending tone, even raises her voice at her causing mom to feel hurt. i asked my wife about it and she said it was because of what my mom is doing. i asked her to elaporate and she complained about mom holding the baby for long and taking forever to give him back to her. mom argued that my wife could ask nicely instead of outright yelling but my wife defended herself saying that she only starts raising her voice after she's already asked a couple of times and mom won't listen. they started arguing and mom started crying. that's when i felt enraged, pulled my wife aside and told her to stop acting out and that if she keeps this up then we won't get anymore help from mom. she argued that she was trying to feed our son and that it was awful of me to think of it as "acting out". i said i understood her frustration and yes mom can do things that require some patience from us. but a little kindness can go a long way in keeping the peace in this difficult time. she called me selfish and said that it's easy for me to say when i'm not the one "dealing with this". from there the argument escalated despite me trying to cut it short. i went outside to calm down and after that my wife started cold shouldering me. i told her this was not okay but she told me to go sc*ew myself and that from now on out i should deal with taking our son back from my mom when it's time for feeding since i "condone" this behabior. i really am not condoning anything and really think she's stressed out yes but the way she behaves around mom is, in my opinion, not okay. etm:: my goodness! i'm seeing so much anger here. i'm sorry i can not respond to you all but i just want people to calm down and understand that i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay and that's all. really. thank you very much though! ok. have a nice day.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife and i had our babyboy 5 weeks ago. everythibg's going fine, no health problems or complications whatsoever. however, my wife is often exhausted so i let my mom come over to help out with cleaning and stuff (i can barely have time to work) and also, at the same time, spend time with the baby and bond with him a little bit. thing is my wife acts strange whenever she sees my mom with our son. she'd make a face and talk to her in a descending tone, even raises her voice at her causing mom to feel hurt. i asked my wife about it and she said it was because of what my mom is doing. i asked her to elaporate and she complained about mom holding the baby for long and taking forever to give him back to her. mom argued that my wife could ask nicely instead of outright yelling but my wife defended herself saying that she only starts raising her voice after she's already asked a couple of times and mom won't listen. they started arguing and mom started crying. that's when i felt enraged, pulled my wife aside and told her to stop acting out and that if she keeps this up then we won't get anymore help from mom. she argued that she was trying to feed our son and that it was awful of me to think of it as "acting out". i said i understood her frustration and yes mom can do things that require some patience from us. but a little kindness can go a long way in keeping the peace in this difficult time. she called me selfish and said that it's easy for me to say when i'm not the one "dealing with this". from there the argument escalated despite me trying to cut it short. i went outside to calm down and after that my wife started cold shouldering me. i told her this was not okay but she told me to go scew myself and that from now on out i should deal with taking our son back from my mom when it's time for feeding since i "condone" this behabior. i really am not condoning anything and really think she's stressed out yes but the way she behaves around mom is, in my opinion, not okay. etm:: my goodness! i'm seeing so much anger here. i'm sorry i can not respond to you all but i just want people to calm down and understand that i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay and that's all. really. thank you very much though! ok. have a nice day. [/INST] yta, and your edit only solidifies it. "i in no way agree with some of my mom's behaviors, just how my wife reacts is......not okay."* so you think your wife should sit there with a dumb smile on her face while your mother keeps him from her and refuses to let her grandson be fed in a timely manner? puh-leeeeeeeeeeze. it's pretty clear you're letting your mother run roughshod over your wife, and you're doubling down by saying she should manage her reaction. you need to get control of your mother, apologize to your wife profusely, and start directly helping out with your son and household. yesterday. </s>
AITA for not paying the babysitter what she demanded?	throwaway bc family could see. i (31f) have one son, 3m. he’s very sweet, calm, low-maintenance, and a great kid. i lucked out with him. we asked one of his daycare providers, b, to watch him for 5 hours, from 1-6 since i had to work. b knows he’s an easy kid and she knows him well, so she went with a lower charge, and we agreed on $50 for the whole time. it wasn’t discussed in terms of hours, rather we agreed that $50 for the time she was there was sufficient. well, there ended up being a situation at work that prevented me from getting home at 6, so i wasn’t able to relieve her until around 6:45. my husband works from 11 am to 8 pm, so him relieving her was out of the question. when i got there, she seem to be in a hurry to get out of the house. i understand that i was late, but as a person who works with kids and their parents, she is well aware that things come up. i handed her a $50 bill and she thanked me, but asked for $7 more. i told her that she got the 50 she agreed on, but she said that since i was 45 mins late and i was paying her $10 an hour, she had earned $7 more for an extra 45 mins. i told her that’s not what we agreed on. we agreed on $50, and it shouldn’t matter that i was late because we didn’t discuss it in terms of hours. she argued that i agreed i would be home at six and didn’t adhere to that either, but it’s an entirely different story. i ended up only giving her $50 and showing her out of the house. i’ll admit that she did a great job with my son. but in my opinion she had no right to ask for more. my husband and mother both think that i was being an asshole. i don’t agree. aita?	4,831	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i51yqo/aita_for_not_paying_the_babysitter_what_she/	2020-08-06 22:40:12	yta. you were late. people deserve to be paid for their time. if you were asked to work overtime at a job, wouldn't you expect to be paid? it doesn't matter what a little angel your son is. pay people for their time. edit; also your username is laughable considering you're the one that thinks you're entitled to not pay a babysitter for your poor time management.	yta. she did you a favor. and she didn’t take much payment for it, $50 for that amount of time is less than minimum wage. also think of it this way: your kid should be one of the most important things in your life, right? so why is his wellbeing while you’re gone worth so little to you?	yta i was n-a-h up until your last comment. she absolutely had the right to ask you for more money, you were late! $7 isn’t even that much more but i would’ve given her $60 right of the bat for inconveniencing her.	yta, wow and how. 1) do you want to die on a hill made up of seven $1 bills? 2) you said you'd be home at 6, you were home at 6:45pm— she deserves overtime. 3) also, what about a tip? 4) >"we asked one of his daycare providers, b, to watch him...b knows he’s an easy kid and she knows him well, so she went with a lower charge" this is a bit of a repeat from #1, but for emphasis, please read the above back to yourself as many times as necessary for it to sink in that someone who regularly takes care of your child was already giving you a break on her time and talents—and you decided to fight her over seven dollars. wtf?? (yes, watching children is a talent, especially for one who does it professionally. daycare providers are heroes without the capes.)	yta and your husband is so awesome for giving her an extra $50! he sounds like a really nice guy. he must be so embarrassed by your behavior.	yta you agreed upon 1-6pm. you didn’t make your end of the deal so she’s well within her means to request compensation for the extra time she waited. she’s not doing you a favor watching your kid. it’s her job.	i hope you’re a troll, bc this one is painfully clear that yta. craaaaazy.	yta and you sound so entitled. if you’re going to hire someone to watch your precious child, you should be paying them more. i made $10 an hour babysitting when i was 15 years old! an adult, who is a professional by the way, should be paid way more. you’re lucky she agreed to $50. in addition, you did not show up on time. you can’t try to justify it as “she is a person who works with parents and kids and knows that things come up.” she is an adult human being with other commitments, responsibilities, and a life of her own. you should have paid her for the additional time she worked. you should also gather some more respect for babysitters and daycare workers in general.	yta super asshole. she asked for far less than she deserved, since you messed up her schedule for the day and she had a right to a lot more extra for that, and you didn't even want to pay her for her work? and you had the audacity to say it wasn't what you two agreed on when you broke that agreement first?	info: did you call or text her to let her know you would be late or did you just waltz in the door forty five minutes after she thought you would be home? did you apologize for being late? yeah, stuff happens but other people have lives and obligations. its very possible she needed to be somewhere else by 6:30 or 7 and now she herself is running late.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway bc family could see. i (31f) have one son, 3m. he’s very sweet, calm, low-maintenance, and a great kid. i lucked out with him. we asked one of his daycare providers, b, to watch him for 5 hours, from 1-6 since i had to work. b knows he’s an easy kid and she knows him well, so she went with a lower charge, and we agreed on $50 for the whole time. it wasn’t discussed in terms of hours, rather we agreed that $50 for the time she was there was sufficient. well, there ended up being a situation at work that prevented me from getting home at 6, so i wasn’t able to relieve her until around 6:45. my husband works from 11 am to 8 pm, so him relieving her was out of the question. when i got there, she seem to be in a hurry to get out of the house. i understand that i was late, but as a person who works with kids and their parents, she is well aware that things come up. i handed her a $50 bill and she thanked me, but asked for $7 more. i told her that she got the 50 she agreed on, but she said that since i was 45 mins late and i was paying her $10 an hour, she had earned $7 more for an extra 45 mins. i told her that’s not what we agreed on. we agreed on $50, and it shouldn’t matter that i was late because we didn’t discuss it in terms of hours. she argued that i agreed i would be home at six and didn’t adhere to that either, but it’s an entirely different story. i ended up only giving her $50 and showing her out of the house. i’ll admit that she did a great job with my son. but in my opinion she had no right to ask for more. my husband and mother both think that i was being an asshole. i don’t agree. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway bc family could see. i (31f) have one son, 3m. he’s very sweet, calm, low-maintenance, and a great kid. i lucked out with him. we asked one of his daycare providers, b, to watch him for 5 hours, from 1-6 since i had to work. b knows he’s an easy kid and she knows him well, so she went with a lower charge, and we agreed on $50 for the whole time. it wasn’t discussed in terms of hours, rather we agreed that $50 for the time she was there was sufficient. well, there ended up being a situation at work that prevented me from getting home at 6, so i wasn’t able to relieve her until around 6:45. my husband works from 11 am to 8 pm, so him relieving her was out of the question. when i got there, she seem to be in a hurry to get out of the house. i understand that i was late, but as a person who works with kids and their parents, she is well aware that things come up. i handed her a $50 bill and she thanked me, but asked for $7 more. i told her that she got the 50 she agreed on, but she said that since i was 45 mins late and i was paying her $10 an hour, she had earned $7 more for an extra 45 mins. i told her that’s not what we agreed on. we agreed on $50, and it shouldn’t matter that i was late because we didn’t discuss it in terms of hours. she argued that i agreed i would be home at six and didn’t adhere to that either, but it’s an entirely different story. i ended up only giving her $50 and showing her out of the house. i’ll admit that she did a great job with my son. but in my opinion she had no right to ask for more. my husband and mother both think that i was being an asshole. i don’t agree. aita? [/INST] yta. you were late. people deserve to be paid for their time. if you were asked to work overtime at a job, wouldn't you expect to be paid? it doesn't matter what a little angel your son is. pay people for their time. edit; also your username is laughable considering you're the one that thinks you're entitled to not pay a babysitter for your poor time management. </s>
AITA for eating my cupcake outside?	i have a 10 years old daughter who loves frosting. every week i buy cupcakes for me, my wife and her and she always eats my frosting. these past few weeks i decided to eat my cupcake before going inside. she asked me where my cupcake is and i told her i don't like cupcakes anymore so i only bought two. it worked for a while but last night when i was enjoying my cupcake before going inside she caught me and ran to her mom to tell her how much of a terrible dad i am to "steal her frostings for weeks" she is sulking and my wife thinks i'm the ah and i'm acting childish and should just let her have it but it's easy for her to say when she has never given up her frosting. aita?	21,885	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wxdgj8/aita_for_eating_my_cupcake_outside/	2022-08-25 12:52:05	yta not for eating your cupcake outside really but because you have failed to teach your child that she can’t always get what she wants or that she isn’t entitled to your frosting. that is your cupcake - frosting and all. she has her own and that’s all she’s allowed to have.	you can teach her the word no. at 10 she should be able to understand it.	info: have you ever heard of the word "no"?	yta for not teaching your daugheter that she doesn't always get what she wants and demands. \>she caught me and ran to her mom to tell her how much of a terrible dad i am to "steal her frostings for weeks" just stop this. your daughter is a spoiled brat and your wife is a brat and you need to learn to adult. you daughter. you made this. yta. you created this sh show	esh (i.e.you and your wife). if you don't want to give your daughter the frosting, don't give her the frosting. your daughter can't have everything she wants; she can just have her own portion and no more. it's an important lesson to learn. the fact that you ate your cupcake outside instead of discussing that, from now on, you want to have your frosting, is an ah move. you sound very non-confrontational, to the point that you'd rather lie than enter into a small conflict. that's disrespectful towards your family.	nta. steal her frosting? what???? question does she eat your wife's frosting off her cupcake?	esh. tell her no and ignore her whining instead of lying and trying to hide. your wife should be on your side too, not giving in to a child's silly demands. 10 is more than old enough to understand the concept of not always getting what you want.	esh. your daughter is a little old to be doing this, frankly.	nta, she’s 10 not 2. she is old enough to understand that her food is hers and your food is yours. start setting these boundaries or you are going to have some major issues with her when she’s a spoilt teenager.	wtf. i guess yta for not just telling your daughter no. learn to parent.	YTA	null	INFO	YTA	ESH	NTA	ESH	ESH	NTA	YTA	0.390935	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a 10 years old daughter who loves frosting. every week i buy cupcakes for me, my wife and her and she always eats my frosting. these past few weeks i decided to eat my cupcake before going inside. she asked me where my cupcake is and i told her i don't like cupcakes anymore so i only bought two. it worked for a while but last night when i was enjoying my cupcake before going inside she caught me and ran to her mom to tell her how much of a terrible dad i am to "steal her frostings for weeks" she is sulking and my wife thinks i'm the ah and i'm acting childish and should just let her have it but it's easy for her to say when she has never given up her frosting. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have a 10 years old daughter who loves frosting. every week i buy cupcakes for me, my wife and her and she always eats my frosting. these past few weeks i decided to eat my cupcake before going inside. she asked me where my cupcake is and i told her i don't like cupcakes anymore so i only bought two. it worked for a while but last night when i was enjoying my cupcake before going inside she caught me and ran to her mom to tell her how much of a terrible dad i am to "steal her frostings for weeks" she is sulking and my wife thinks i'm the ah and i'm acting childish and should just let her have it but it's easy for her to say when she has never given up her frosting. aita? [/INST] yta not for eating your cupcake outside really but because you have failed to teach your child that she can’t always get what she wants or that she isn’t entitled to your frosting. that is your cupcake - frosting and all. she has her own and that’s all she’s allowed to have. </s>
AITA for kicking my husband out of my children's father's funeral because of what he told the kids?	my (f36) children's (m12 & f9) father (m43) passed away after a long struggle with cancer 3 weeks ago. his death was expected and the kids knew their dad was very sick but still, i couldn't get them ready to handle this kind of event. they're mental and physical health is my one top priority, and i want them to grieve their dad properly. my current husband (m37) saw no need for the kids to attend the funeral after i said they were going with me, he said they're still young but i said they had every right to be there for the final goodby. he suggested he go with us then and i wasn't sure but i contacted my former inlaws and they said it was fine. my husband drove us to the funeral and kept making comments to the kids telling them how to behave which was uncalled for. we got there and i brought the kids to stand near their grandparents, while my husband kept introducing himself to strangers then went to stand next to the kids. i was standing from a distance but could hear the kids crying, i then started hearing my husband telling them to quiet down repeatedly. not gonna lie i felt bothered wishing he'd stop. while the kids were crying he loudly said "stop crying, really there's no need for this....it's not like he can hear you" and the kids just started sobbing at this point. i was stunned, i looked and saw my inlaws staring at me. i felt horrible i walked up to him and whispered i needed a minute with him, i made sure we were away and lost my temper asking what he was doing, he said he was just trying to comfort the kids and help them get a hold of their emotions, i told him what he said was horrible and everyone heard it. he tried to argue that he was just trying to help but i said he had no right to tell the kids how to grief their father and demanded that he leaves the funeral but he threw a fit and said i was overreacting. i insisted then he left later. after the funeral the kids started avoiding me, they wanted to stay with their aunt and i went home by myself and found my husband there waiting with an angery look on his face. he picked an argument saying i shouldn't have kicked him out of the funeral after he came to support me and the kids but i told him what he said made the kids refuse to even come home with me, he said the kids are using him as an outlet for their anger after he's been generous with his time and effort and this is how we repay him? by making him out to be the bad guy? i refused to keep going but he kept pushing for an apology for this blatant disrespect i showed him. for more details/ my husband never had a good relationship with my children's father, i was confused when he said he wanted to come to the funeral but then i thought he did it for the kids.	19,985	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rvsfc2/aita_for_kicking_my_husband_out_of_my_childrens/	2022-01-04 11:38:02	nta. however this was too little and too late. your kids are not too young to forget this now. their relationship with their step dad will be tainted forever. i would venture to say it’s pretty much over. your husband knew exactly what he was doing. he was trying to minimize their dads death. he was making it about him, it was a purposeful show he was still there and he was the dad now. all he should have done is sit there keep his mouth shut and give you the support needed to help support your kids. i don’t see therapy fixing any of this.	[removed]	nta. show your kids they are your number 1 priority. this man is not nice. he does not deserve to be their step father. get rid of him before you lose your kids forever.	esh. in kicking him out of the funeral you were protecting your kids from being bullied and traumatised publicly, and at their father’s funeral no less. you were also protecting your in laws from having to listen to him being a callous and awful person, and possibly preventing them from having to intervene and have an argument with your husband and further traumatising your kids. your husband sounds like he has something wrong with him because he seems to have no filter or idea of how to behave like a caring human being. he shouldn’t have been at the funeral, it’s just weird wanting to be there. but as he was allowed to attend he should have been silent, there to provide hugs, comfort and support. you are the ah too though for not nipping his behaviour in the bud during the car journey and not sending him home once he had dropped you at the funeral if he refused to shut up. by letting it go and saying nothing for so long, you allowed him to believe you were going to accept this behaviour, prolonging your kids suffering and allowing it to escalate and become a public spectacle. i can honestly understand why your kids are mad at you, you should have put a stop to it the second he started bullying them in the car. it sounds like you only intervened when you became embarrassed by your in laws looking at you in justified disbelief.	nta and throw the whole husband out with the rest of the trash.	nta but i hope this was insanely out of character for him, or else you’d probably be better off without him. either way, i can’t imagine your children will ever forget or forgive what your husband did.	esh. your comments show you aren’t getting it. the kids can see that your asshole husband is more important to you than they are. i doubt this event at the funeral is the first time he has treated them like garbage. (would you even have called him out if other people hadn’t overheard and your ex in-laws hadn’t looked at you? was it even about protecting the kids or the shame of people staring?) they don’t trust you anymore and for good reason. you are so afraid of being a single mom you are failing to be a good mom. no amount of his “generosity” is worth subjecting your kids to one more day of life with him. maybe you think too little of yourself to think you deserve better. i hope you can get therapy to help—many therapists offer a sliding scale. if your kids are really #1, i hope you can at least see that they deserve better. the way you are going, you’re going to end up as one of those mothers of estranged adult kids who “can’t understand” why she’s been cut off for “no reason.” leave this jerk and build something new.	nta. he was completely out of line and it sounds like he was making a show of being supportive while resenting your children for grieving for their father. he was trying to make it all about him. your children’s paternal family must have felt so uncomfortable having this stranger shove himself forward at a funeral, and your poor children did not deserve to have this insensitive asshole complain about them crying. i assume that you’ve contacted a divorce attorney.	nta. your husband's behavior at the funeral was absolutely appalling. he wasn't "helpful" or "comforting", he was harmful to everyone involved. i sat here with my jaw on the floor reading this. he should be ashamed of himself. disgusting.	yta op, you are a massive arsehole for not intervening at any point. let’s review: > [in the car he] kept making comments telling the kids how to behave which is uncalled for you’re right, it’s totally uncalled for. what did you do about it then? did you correct him and reassure your children that they’re there to grieve, not to “behave”? i actually think that any behaviour the kids could have shown would be completely understood by everyone there, given they are kids and also very close to the deceased. > i starting hearing my husband telling them to quiet down repeatedly. ngl i felt bothered wishing he’d stop. okay well no need to “wish” when you could go over and tell him to stop. which you didn’t do. i don’t blame you for standing at a distance from your kids for a while and grieving in your own way but the second the kids showed signs of needing support you should’ve been there. > i told him what he said made the kids refuse to come home with me hmm, partially right. it wasn’t up just what he said, it was what you did. or rather, what you didn’t do. you didn’t support them, you didn’t provide a home environment they felt comfortable going back to, you didn’t stop your husband saying those things to them.	NTA	null	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	YTA	0.246103	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (f36) children's (m12 & f9) father (m43) passed away after a long struggle with cancer 3 weeks ago. his death was expected and the kids knew their dad was very sick but still, i couldn't get them ready to handle this kind of event. they're mental and physical health is my one top priority, and i want them to grieve their dad properly. my current husband (m37) saw no need for the kids to attend the funeral after i said they were going with me, he said they're still young but i said they had every right to be there for the final goodby. he suggested he go with us then and i wasn't sure but i contacted my former inlaws and they said it was fine. my husband drove us to the funeral and kept making comments to the kids telling them how to behave which was uncalled for. we got there and i brought the kids to stand near their grandparents, while my husband kept introducing himself to strangers then went to stand next to the kids. i was standing from a distance but could hear the kids crying, i then started hearing my husband telling them to quiet down repeatedly. not gonna lie i felt bothered wishing he'd stop. while the kids were crying he loudly said "stop crying, really there's no need for this....it's not like he can hear you" and the kids just started sobbing at this point. i was stunned, i looked and saw my inlaws staring at me. i felt horrible i walked up to him and whispered i needed a minute with him, i made sure we were away and lost my temper asking what he was doing, he said he was just trying to comfort the kids and help them get a hold of their emotions, i told him what he said was horrible and everyone heard it. he tried to argue that he was just trying to help but i said he had no right to tell the kids how to grief their father and demanded that he leaves the funeral but he threw a fit and said i was overreacting. i insisted then he left later. after the funeral the kids started avoiding me, they wanted to stay with their aunt and i went home by myself and found my husband there waiting with an angery look on his face. he picked an argument saying i shouldn't have kicked him out of the funeral after he came to support me and the kids but i told him what he said made the kids refuse to even come home with me, he said the kids are using him as an outlet for their anger after he's been generous with his time and effort and this is how we repay him? by making him out to be the bad guy? i refused to keep going but he kept pushing for an apology for this blatant disrespect i showed him. for more details/ my husband never had a good relationship with my children's father, i was confused when he said he wanted to come to the funeral but then i thought he did it for the kids.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (f36) children's (m12 & f9) father (m43) passed away after a long struggle with cancer 3 weeks ago. his death was expected and the kids knew their dad was very sick but still, i couldn't get them ready to handle this kind of event. they're mental and physical health is my one top priority, and i want them to grieve their dad properly. my current husband (m37) saw no need for the kids to attend the funeral after i said they were going with me, he said they're still young but i said they had every right to be there for the final goodby. he suggested he go with us then and i wasn't sure but i contacted my former inlaws and they said it was fine. my husband drove us to the funeral and kept making comments to the kids telling them how to behave which was uncalled for. we got there and i brought the kids to stand near their grandparents, while my husband kept introducing himself to strangers then went to stand next to the kids. i was standing from a distance but could hear the kids crying, i then started hearing my husband telling them to quiet down repeatedly. not gonna lie i felt bothered wishing he'd stop. while the kids were crying he loudly said "stop crying, really there's no need for this....it's not like he can hear you" and the kids just started sobbing at this point. i was stunned, i looked and saw my inlaws staring at me. i felt horrible i walked up to him and whispered i needed a minute with him, i made sure we were away and lost my temper asking what he was doing, he said he was just trying to comfort the kids and help them get a hold of their emotions, i told him what he said was horrible and everyone heard it. he tried to argue that he was just trying to help but i said he had no right to tell the kids how to grief their father and demanded that he leaves the funeral but he threw a fit and said i was overreacting. i insisted then he left later. after the funeral the kids started avoiding me, they wanted to stay with their aunt and i went home by myself and found my husband there waiting with an angery look on his face. he picked an argument saying i shouldn't have kicked him out of the funeral after he came to support me and the kids but i told him what he said made the kids refuse to even come home with me, he said the kids are using him as an outlet for their anger after he's been generous with his time and effort and this is how we repay him? by making him out to be the bad guy? i refused to keep going but he kept pushing for an apology for this blatant disrespect i showed him. for more details/ my husband never had a good relationship with my children's father, i was confused when he said he wanted to come to the funeral but then i thought he did it for the kids. [/INST] nta. however this was too little and too late. your kids are not too young to forget this now. their relationship with their step dad will be tainted forever. i would venture to say it’s pretty much over. your husband knew exactly what he was doing. he was trying to minimize their dads death. he was making it about him, it was a purposeful show he was still there and he was the dad now. all he should have done is sit there keep his mouth shut and give you the support needed to help support your kids. i don’t see therapy fixing any of this. </s>
AITA for refusing to be my best friend's MOH after she told me my fiancé is not invited to the wedding???	i've been dating my fiancé for 10 years and we're expecting a baby which is due in march. we'll elope before the baby arrives for legal reasons but we'll do it in january so we'll be able to organise a small party for family and close friends, no more than 20 people. my best friend and her future husband will be invited though. so straight to the point. my best friend is getting married in a month. she's been with her fiancé for a year and they got engaged within 6 months. personally that's too rushed in my opinion but that's her life so if she believes this is the right man this is her decision. once they got engaged around april, she asked me to be her moh. she then started telling me the plans about how she plans on having a huge celebration with 200+ guests (vaccination rates are very high in my country and most restrictions are eased since cases are also very low). naturally i assumed my fiancé would be invited, my best friend has known him for 10 years and they're also friendly. most of our friends are married so their spouses get an automatic invite. i assumed my fiancé would be invited too but my bff decided to notify me that he's not invited, literally yesterday during a chat we had and i told her about the suit my fiancé bought. she told me "ummm i never told you x is invited though?", i asked her what she meant by that. she said that only married and long term couples are invited to the wedding. i reminded her, i'm engaged to that man, we're expecting a kid together and i've been with him for 10 years, while we're also planning to get eloped in few months. she objected and said she didn't invite him because she doesn't see our relationship as valid if it took us so long to make our relationship legal and how if we've been waiting 10 years to take the next step then our relationship bond is probably not that strong. told her that that's not her decision to make and she doesn't get to decide whether my relationship is valid or not. she insisted on her decision and said "i'll not invite him, i decide who comes and who doesn't, and since i don't think your relationship is as strong as it should be, you may break up soon and i don't want an ex existing in my wedding pictures. accept it or leave, i am not in a mood to deal with that drama". i told her she's being ridiculous assuming that we might break up based on her bizarre beliefs and reminded her i've been with that man for 10 years while she's been with her man for less than one year and she is ridiculous for thinking she can dictate who's serious and who isn't. i told her i'm dropping the moh role because i refuse to be disrespected like that and told her she can search for someone new to torture but not me. our mutual friends have told me i'm ta for dropping out of the wedding and how i should respect the bride's decision. i respect it but i won't be a part of it. aita????	21,495	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qajjme/aita_for_refusing_to_be_my_best_friends_moh_after/	2021-10-18 09:59:43	nta- holy shit that's a bridezilla and a terrible friend. like seriously, who does that to your supposedly best friend, honestly after that kind of disrespect i'm surprised your still going to the wedding.	nta. i wouldn't attend the wedding at all. for my wedding we didn't invite all bfs/gfs for the reason the bride described. but 10 years, engaged, and pregnant? that's just absurd to not consider you a real couple.	nta, but sadly a lot of people think like this. i would not invite her and her husband either since they might end up divorcing.	nta. better to lose her now if she is that judgmental about your 10 years relationship.	nta. normally i would say her wedding her rules but this seems illogical and unfair especially if she’s inviting other couples and there’s no covid.	nta she sounds like an idiot who may have a secret issue with your fiance. she has the right to her opinion, and you have the right to yours. she can't expect you to accept the bullshit excuse that after 10+ years of commitment, her piece of paper validates her relationship more than yours.	nta not only would i not be maid of honour but i would not be attending the wedding at all and would seriously reconsider whether this is someone you want to continue a friendship with.	wow, big nta. by this account, she seems to have some different motive for not wanting your fiance to come but does not want to admit the true reason. she backpetaled when you pointed out that you are in a long term relationship. she is not being a good friend, and ultimately a wedding should be celebrating the people in your life. this is speculation, but i wonder if she wants a single moh to ensure all concentration from you is on her and the wedding? or, more spiralling and worse speculation, i wonder if she's projecting her insecurities? neither of these your place to say, but both do happen.	nta and she is not your best friend.. i've been with my partner 20 years 3 kids can't wait to tell him he is not valid 😅 10 years is longer than most marriages last	nta. i was ready to say yta until i heard the brides reasoning. i can pretty much guarantee that you’ll still be with your fiancé when she’s burning those wedding photos after her divorce. i’m a firm believer that the couple should decide who is invited to their wedding but that doesn’t mean she gets to trash your relationship which personally i think she is only doing to justify how quickly she is getting married. sounds like she’s very insecure but you are better off far away from someone like that! edit to change the placement of my judgement.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been dating my fiancé for 10 years and we're expecting a baby which is due in march. we'll elope before the baby arrives for legal reasons but we'll do it in january so we'll be able to organise a small party for family and close friends, no more than 20 people. my best friend and her future husband will be invited though. so straight to the point. my best friend is getting married in a month. she's been with her fiancé for a year and they got engaged within 6 months. personally that's too rushed in my opinion but that's her life so if she believes this is the right man this is her decision. once they got engaged around april, she asked me to be her moh. she then started telling me the plans about how she plans on having a huge celebration with 200+ guests (vaccination rates are very high in my country and most restrictions are eased since cases are also very low). naturally i assumed my fiancé would be invited, my best friend has known him for 10 years and they're also friendly. most of our friends are married so their spouses get an automatic invite. i assumed my fiancé would be invited too but my bff decided to notify me that he's not invited, literally yesterday during a chat we had and i told her about the suit my fiancé bought. she told me "ummm i never told you x is invited though?", i asked her what she meant by that. she said that only married and long term couples are invited to the wedding. i reminded her, i'm engaged to that man, we're expecting a kid together and i've been with him for 10 years, while we're also planning to get eloped in few months. she objected and said she didn't invite him because she doesn't see our relationship as valid if it took us so long to make our relationship legal and how if we've been waiting 10 years to take the next step then our relationship bond is probably not that strong. told her that that's not her decision to make and she doesn't get to decide whether my relationship is valid or not. she insisted on her decision and said "i'll not invite him, i decide who comes and who doesn't, and since i don't think your relationship is as strong as it should be, you may break up soon and i don't want an ex existing in my wedding pictures. accept it or leave, i am not in a mood to deal with that drama". i told her she's being ridiculous assuming that we might break up based on her bizarre beliefs and reminded her i've been with that man for 10 years while she's been with her man for less than one year and she is ridiculous for thinking she can dictate who's serious and who isn't. i told her i'm dropping the moh role because i refuse to be disrespected like that and told her she can search for someone new to torture but not me. our mutual friends have told me i'm ta for dropping out of the wedding and how i should respect the bride's decision. i respect it but i won't be a part of it. aita????	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i've been dating my fiancé for 10 years and we're expecting a baby which is due in march. we'll elope before the baby arrives for legal reasons but we'll do it in january so we'll be able to organise a small party for family and close friends, no more than 20 people. my best friend and her future husband will be invited though. so straight to the point. my best friend is getting married in a month. she's been with her fiancé for a year and they got engaged within 6 months. personally that's too rushed in my opinion but that's her life so if she believes this is the right man this is her decision. once they got engaged around april, she asked me to be her moh. she then started telling me the plans about how she plans on having a huge celebration with 200+ guests (vaccination rates are very high in my country and most restrictions are eased since cases are also very low). naturally i assumed my fiancé would be invited, my best friend has known him for 10 years and they're also friendly. most of our friends are married so their spouses get an automatic invite. i assumed my fiancé would be invited too but my bff decided to notify me that he's not invited, literally yesterday during a chat we had and i told her about the suit my fiancé bought. she told me "ummm i never told you x is invited though?", i asked her what she meant by that. she said that only married and long term couples are invited to the wedding. i reminded her, i'm engaged to that man, we're expecting a kid together and i've been with him for 10 years, while we're also planning to get eloped in few months. she objected and said she didn't invite him because she doesn't see our relationship as valid if it took us so long to make our relationship legal and how if we've been waiting 10 years to take the next step then our relationship bond is probably not that strong. told her that that's not her decision to make and she doesn't get to decide whether my relationship is valid or not. she insisted on her decision and said "i'll not invite him, i decide who comes and who doesn't, and since i don't think your relationship is as strong as it should be, you may break up soon and i don't want an ex existing in my wedding pictures. accept it or leave, i am not in a mood to deal with that drama". i told her she's being ridiculous assuming that we might break up based on her bizarre beliefs and reminded her i've been with that man for 10 years while she's been with her man for less than one year and she is ridiculous for thinking she can dictate who's serious and who isn't. i told her i'm dropping the moh role because i refuse to be disrespected like that and told her she can search for someone new to torture but not me. our mutual friends have told me i'm ta for dropping out of the wedding and how i should respect the bride's decision. i respect it but i won't be a part of it. aita???? [/INST] nta- holy shit that's a bridezilla and a terrible friend. like seriously, who does that to your supposedly best friend, honestly after that kind of disrespect i'm surprised your still going to the wedding. </s>
AITA for getting mad that my oldest son didn't let my youngest win a game?	i have 4 kids, only 2 are relevant to the story, my 10yo son we'll call jack and 8yo son who we'll call tony. they were playing mario kart with each other on their 3ds's, my oldest son knows to let the youngest win, otherwise he'll throw a tantrum. the boys swapped dss because tony's needed to be charged and jack didnt really feel like moving from his spot. like i said, jack knows to let tony win but for some reason he didn't this time. tony started his usual i didn't win tantrum and threw jack's 3ds across the room. the consol broke, the top screen came off the bottom and the buttons are unresponsive. jack was upset, and that's why i got mad at him. he had been told repeatedly to let tony win to avoid a tantrum. my husband and my two girls (16 and 17) are saying that i should make tony give jack his 3ds, but i think its jack's own fault for giving him his one and then not letting him come first place. jack is refusing to share anything with jack and has hardly spoken to me in days so i'm left to deal with the constant tantrums on my own. aita?	5,040	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k6k736/aita_for_getting_mad_that_my_oldest_son_didnt_let/	2020-12-04 12:43:10	yta and a crappy parent. it's not jack's responsibility to help you handle tony's tantrums. you do not reward bad behavior. tony throws tantrums to get his way and you just go along with it. he has you trained. tony is old enough to understand that there are consequences to his actions. having to give his brother his toy is a natural consequence of breaking his brother's toy. get a grip before tony grows into an entitled adult with no sense of accountability.	yta. jack is the victim in this situation. if tony is having tantrums, its because you're failing to enforce appropriate consequences to make him grow out of it. jack is not an instigator. he shouldn't have to let his brother win all the time. he should be allowed to win as well. and if your fear was dealing with tantrums, then you must have been setting this expectation since before jack was 8, so you should know very well this isn't necessary. jack is the one that should be receiving an apology and appropriate recompense - both from tony, and from you.	yta x 1000. what kind of lesson are you giving your youngest here? he’s long past old enough to know that in any competitive game, someone’s gotta win and someone’s gotta lose. you could have long since turned situations like this into teachable moments. instead, you’re deeply enabling tony to be the spoiled shit that he is. and to make matters worse, you yelled at jack for it. your husband and daughters are spot on here. it’s called consequences. maybe if you taught tony sooner that his actions have them, you wouldn’t be in this situation. this is the kind of shit that, if left unchecked, ends up with jack going no-contact with you at the first opportunity when he’s an adult, and tony in a failure-to-launch situation where he’s still living with you when he’s 40. however, it’s not too late. re-evaluate and change course.	>my oldest son knows to let the youngest win, otherwise he'll throw a tantrum yta. you're teaching your youngest that if he has a fit, he'll get his own way. you're punishing jack for being better than his brother at a game and for being upset that his device was destroyed. you're ruining their relationship, spoiling your youngest and showing jack that you don't care about his happiness if his brother is going to be upset.	yta. and you and your husband are awful parents. why did you have kids if you wont raise it. (yes tony is an it. no real person acts like that) is there a reason you enable your child instead of actually disciplining him and trying to raise a functional person. i think tony should loose his 3ds (and all of his electronics) until you can buy jack a replacement. start actually parenting tony. do not let him bully and harass your other kids because you wont raise him like, what is wrong with you? this wouldbt be an issue if you actually tried to parent tony. your enabling a monster. i hope you come yo your senses and start being a parent to this kid violence is never okay. you taught him to throw a fit until he gets what he wants. you’ll be stuck with him till the day you pass. no job, no education, just ‘moms do everything for me reeeeeee’ and you wont have your other 3 kids either. no one sticks around bad parents, they move out and cut off the toxic elements of their life. your failing your whole family all because you are too lazy to parent your youngest monster.	info: what is your plan for the future? will jack always have to give up things in order to keep tony happy? they are young now but what about in a few years when jack gets his first girlfriend? will tony throw a fit (or the teenager equivalent)? how will you handle it then?	yta. you need to put a stop to tony’s tantrums. just because jack is older does not make it fair that you don’t want to properly parent tony. is tony on the spectrum? that would explain his behavior better, but if he’s not, then you need to parent him even if it’s stressful to you. it’s not fair to any of the older kids really.	question: why does the 8 year old have a tantrum every time he loses? is there some kind of development or mental health issue here?	yta. you're condoning your child having these tantrums and teaching your other child that his feelings don't matter. teach your child not to have tantrums. and yeah, give the child the working 3ds to replace his broken one. consider it a punishment for breaking the ds due to the tantrum	yta. learn how to parent and please don't have any more.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have 4 kids, only 2 are relevant to the story, my 10yo son we'll call jack and 8yo son who we'll call tony. they were playing mario kart with each other on their 3ds's, my oldest son knows to let the youngest win, otherwise he'll throw a tantrum. the boys swapped dss because tony's needed to be charged and jack didnt really feel like moving from his spot. like i said, jack knows to let tony win but for some reason he didn't this time. tony started his usual i didn't win tantrum and threw jack's 3ds across the room. the consol broke, the top screen came off the bottom and the buttons are unresponsive. jack was upset, and that's why i got mad at him. he had been told repeatedly to let tony win to avoid a tantrum. my husband and my two girls (16 and 17) are saying that i should make tony give jack his 3ds, but i think its jack's own fault for giving him his one and then not letting him come first place. jack is refusing to share anything with jack and has hardly spoken to me in days so i'm left to deal with the constant tantrums on my own. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have 4 kids, only 2 are relevant to the story, my 10yo son we'll call jack and 8yo son who we'll call tony. they were playing mario kart with each other on their 3ds's, my oldest son knows to let the youngest win, otherwise he'll throw a tantrum. the boys swapped dss because tony's needed to be charged and jack didnt really feel like moving from his spot. like i said, jack knows to let tony win but for some reason he didn't this time. tony started his usual i didn't win tantrum and threw jack's 3ds across the room. the consol broke, the top screen came off the bottom and the buttons are unresponsive. jack was upset, and that's why i got mad at him. he had been told repeatedly to let tony win to avoid a tantrum. my husband and my two girls (16 and 17) are saying that i should make tony give jack his 3ds, but i think its jack's own fault for giving him his one and then not letting him come first place. jack is refusing to share anything with jack and has hardly spoken to me in days so i'm left to deal with the constant tantrums on my own. aita? [/INST] yta and a crappy parent. it's not jack's responsibility to help you handle tony's tantrums. you do not reward bad behavior. tony throws tantrums to get his way and you just go along with it. he has you trained. tony is old enough to understand that there are consequences to his actions. having to give his brother his toy is a natural consequence of breaking his brother's toy. get a grip before tony grows into an entitled adult with no sense of accountability. </s>
AITA for ruining my boyfriends favorite hiking trail?	my (22f) boyfriend (24m) is an avid outdoorsman. he grew up camping and hiking often. i, on the other hand, did not. i think i went camping once when i was a little kid and sat in my grandma’s rv pouting the entire time. my boyfriend and i have now been dating for 6 months and as our little “anniversary” present, my boyfriend wanted to take me to his favorite hiking spot. we live in a warmer state, so hiking this time of year isn’t abnormal. i was a little nervous about it, but agreed because i definitely see him as the person i’m gonna marry, which means adapting to his lifestyle as well. so we went on a sunrise hike up a mountain that was a little over an hour away from us. the hike was just over 3 miles total and wasn’t too difficult for beginners. before going, my boyfriend gave me the safety run down and pushed that i drink a ton of water. when we got to the trailhead, i needed to pee slightly and mentioned to my boyfriend finding the bathroom at the beginning of the trailhead (which i believed to be just around this little hill) he brushed it off though and suggested we get going so we don’t miss the most beautiful part of the sunrise, so i agreed. during the first half of the hike, my boyfriend kept pushing for me to drink water to the point where i felt like i was gonna throw up (and my bladder was gonna explode). when we got to the best part of the hike, we sat there for a few minutes before i mentioned heading back down because at this point i reallyyyyy needed to find that bathroom. my boyfriend insisted we stay for a few more minutes until i finally dragged him up. listen, i’ve never peed outside my entire life. but i must’ve drank so much water my bladder just couldn’t take it. before we even made it back down, i knew i was about to pee my pants. i kept mentioning it to my boyfriend and he kept comforting me, saying it was okay, saying i can make it. unfortunately, i could not make it. i apologized profusely but told him i had to duck behind a big rock a little ways off the trailhead to pee or i was going to pee my pants. he was angry, scoffed and huffed as i asked him to stand watch, but instead he just stood by the trail, angry as ever. and to make matters worse, an older couple that was cutting through some of the brush walked right by me, but didn’t say anything. so yeah, my boyfriend is understandably furious with me, not only for exposing myself on our hike, but also for rushing our beautiful view. this is his favorite hiking spot and i ruined it. i feel terrible, but i also feel like it was something that i couldn’t control. aita? tl:dr peed outside for the first time with my boyfriend on his favorite hiking trail and now he’s furious with me because he can’t ever go back there.	21,361	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r8skzn/aita_for_ruining_my_boyfriends_favorite_hiking/	2021-12-04 15:58:57	nta. he is being absolutely ridiculous. people pee outside while hiking and camping all the time. he also dismissed you saying you needed to go. this whole situation is a huge red flag.	nta why can’t he ever go back there? was he banned for life because nature called while out in nature? stuff like that happens all the time. if he wanted you to enjoy the hike, he should have made it enjoyable for you.. and he also should have taken into consideration when you gotta go, you gotta go. he should have allowed you a minute to go pee prior to going on the trail when you said you had to go the first time. if that wasn’t a possibility, when you were up at the sunset viewing spot, and really had to go, he should have helped you find a safe spot to go... then you would have not been rushed back down. you having basic bodily functions doesn’t ruin things. him being an ah about your basic bodily functions does however.	oh course you “ducked behind a big rock” and relieved yourself. that is what people do. if you were to on the months long, hundreds of miles long appalachian trail, does he think they have porta potties stationed all along the trail??? or do you hold it till you get to a tiny rural town scattered along it? wtf is wrong with him. on shorter walks and hikes, too, this is the norm. the older couple ignored you because they were sane and reasonable people and they were being discreet and polite! like your bf should have been! i’m glad you didn’t pee your pants. i can only imagine the drama if you were wet and had to sit in his vehicle! nta and the only person ruining annnnnything is your bf! your bf should have known better. pushing you to drink so much, so fast, denying you relief. he is being weird and controlling or a fetish - or something. this … this is just wrong.	nta he however is the ah you told him several times you had to go and also pressured you into drinking more water when you already had to go. then got mad you couldn’t hold it anymore this is on him 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩	if he is a hiker, then peeing in the forest is a normal thing to him, there must be another reason he was upset. nta	the only person who ruined the hike is your boyfriend with his insane and insensitive behaviour. nta.	info; why is it understandable that he’s “furious”?	info: why didn't you assert yourself and say "no, i need to pee now" at the trailhead, or "no, i'm drinking enough water" before you drank to the point of feeling like you'd throw up? peeing takes like 30 seconds, you weren't going to miss anything. a 3 mile out and back hike is a very, very short hike. if he's this put off by someone needing to pee on an extremely short hike, maybe he's not quite the outdoorsman he thinks he is?	nta! if your bf knew so much about hiking, he would have told you to hydrate prior, pee when you got to the parking lot, and then take sips as needed. there’s no reason to be chugging an excessive amount of water on a 3 mile hike. sounds like he ruined the experience for you more than you did for him! must have been fun to waddle around with your bladder ready to burst. this is a huge red flag, don’t marry him. you want this unsupportive ah to hold your hand while you’re in labor someday?	whoa, whoa... he claims his favorite outdoor spot was ruined because someone peed there? is he not aware of where the animals that live there go? not to mention other hikers? he's just being hateful and making ridiculous claims out of irrational spite. nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	INFO	NTA	NTA	0.016	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (22f) boyfriend (24m) is an avid outdoorsman. he grew up camping and hiking often. i, on the other hand, did not. i think i went camping once when i was a little kid and sat in my grandma’s rv pouting the entire time. my boyfriend and i have now been dating for 6 months and as our little “anniversary” present, my boyfriend wanted to take me to his favorite hiking spot. we live in a warmer state, so hiking this time of year isn’t abnormal. i was a little nervous about it, but agreed because i definitely see him as the person i’m gonna marry, which means adapting to his lifestyle as well. so we went on a sunrise hike up a mountain that was a little over an hour away from us. the hike was just over 3 miles total and wasn’t too difficult for beginners. before going, my boyfriend gave me the safety run down and pushed that i drink a ton of water. when we got to the trailhead, i needed to pee slightly and mentioned to my boyfriend finding the bathroom at the beginning of the trailhead (which i believed to be just around this little hill) he brushed it off though and suggested we get going so we don’t miss the most beautiful part of the sunrise, so i agreed. during the first half of the hike, my boyfriend kept pushing for me to drink water to the point where i felt like i was gonna throw up (and my bladder was gonna explode). when we got to the best part of the hike, we sat there for a few minutes before i mentioned heading back down because at this point i reallyyyyy needed to find that bathroom. my boyfriend insisted we stay for a few more minutes until i finally dragged him up. listen, i’ve never peed outside my entire life. but i must’ve drank so much water my bladder just couldn’t take it. before we even made it back down, i knew i was about to pee my pants. i kept mentioning it to my boyfriend and he kept comforting me, saying it was okay, saying i can make it. unfortunately, i could not make it. i apologized profusely but told him i had to duck behind a big rock a little ways off the trailhead to pee or i was going to pee my pants. he was angry, scoffed and huffed as i asked him to stand watch, but instead he just stood by the trail, angry as ever. and to make matters worse, an older couple that was cutting through some of the brush walked right by me, but didn’t say anything. so yeah, my boyfriend is understandably furious with me, not only for exposing myself on our hike, but also for rushing our beautiful view. this is his favorite hiking spot and i ruined it. i feel terrible, but i also feel like it was something that i couldn’t control. aita? tl:dr peed outside for the first time with my boyfriend on his favorite hiking trail and now he’s furious with me because he can’t ever go back there.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (22f) boyfriend (24m) is an avid outdoorsman. he grew up camping and hiking often. i, on the other hand, did not. i think i went camping once when i was a little kid and sat in my grandma’s rv pouting the entire time. my boyfriend and i have now been dating for 6 months and as our little “anniversary” present, my boyfriend wanted to take me to his favorite hiking spot. we live in a warmer state, so hiking this time of year isn’t abnormal. i was a little nervous about it, but agreed because i definitely see him as the person i’m gonna marry, which means adapting to his lifestyle as well. so we went on a sunrise hike up a mountain that was a little over an hour away from us. the hike was just over 3 miles total and wasn’t too difficult for beginners. before going, my boyfriend gave me the safety run down and pushed that i drink a ton of water. when we got to the trailhead, i needed to pee slightly and mentioned to my boyfriend finding the bathroom at the beginning of the trailhead (which i believed to be just around this little hill) he brushed it off though and suggested we get going so we don’t miss the most beautiful part of the sunrise, so i agreed. during the first half of the hike, my boyfriend kept pushing for me to drink water to the point where i felt like i was gonna throw up (and my bladder was gonna explode). when we got to the best part of the hike, we sat there for a few minutes before i mentioned heading back down because at this point i reallyyyyy needed to find that bathroom. my boyfriend insisted we stay for a few more minutes until i finally dragged him up. listen, i’ve never peed outside my entire life. but i must’ve drank so much water my bladder just couldn’t take it. before we even made it back down, i knew i was about to pee my pants. i kept mentioning it to my boyfriend and he kept comforting me, saying it was okay, saying i can make it. unfortunately, i could not make it. i apologized profusely but told him i had to duck behind a big rock a little ways off the trailhead to pee or i was going to pee my pants. he was angry, scoffed and huffed as i asked him to stand watch, but instead he just stood by the trail, angry as ever. and to make matters worse, an older couple that was cutting through some of the brush walked right by me, but didn’t say anything. so yeah, my boyfriend is understandably furious with me, not only for exposing myself on our hike, but also for rushing our beautiful view. this is his favorite hiking spot and i ruined it. i feel terrible, but i also feel like it was something that i couldn’t control. aita? tl:dr peed outside for the first time with my boyfriend on his favorite hiking trail and now he’s furious with me because he can’t ever go back there. [/INST] nta. he is being absolutely ridiculous. people pee outside while hiking and camping all the time. he also dismissed you saying you needed to go. this whole situation is a huge red flag. </s>
AITA for refusing to apologize to my SIL after she was rude during my daughter’s birthday dinner?	i (39m) lost my wife earlier this year, then my job was affected by the pandemic. my daughter just turned 13, and knows we’re not doing the best financially. my job picked back up thankfully, but we don’t have a lot of extra money yet. for my daughter’s birthday, i invited my parents, brother, and he invited sil, to have a small dinner with us over the weekend. i really tried to make it enjoyable for my daughter. i made her favorite meal, spaghetti with my wife’s meat sauce recipe, a copycat olive garden salad and dressing, and homemade garlic bread. i then was able to get a few small gifts for her. i even made a small cake. it was iced atrociously, but i tried. i have never liked my sil, she looks down at our family and she was always awful to my wife. still, i’m usually able to be civil to her. we ate, and my dad wanted my daughter to open her gifts. i am thrilled because while it wasn’t much, she seemed very happy about what she received from my parents and myself. my sil made snarky comments during dinner and gift opening, which i could tell irritated my daughter. afterwards, my parents left, and my daughter went to facetime my wife’s parents. my sil stalked into the kitchen and started berating me about being cheap for her birthday and then saying “what would your wife think?” i shouldn’t have, and i admit i completely lost my temper but i was so angry i told her my wife would be thrilled i managed to pull something together, including ignoring her snotty comments all night, but considering she showed up completely empty handed but had no problem shoving her mouth full of the food i made, and criticizing everyone who did make an effort, she didn’t have any room to be calling anyone cheap. she ran to my brother crying and they left in a huff. my parents called saying my brother was saying i was rude to his wife and ruined the night. i told them what happened and they are angry at sil and my brother now. brother is still blaming me and is now having a fit because i said she wasn’t welcome in my home again and if that meant not seeing him, so be it. my brother says i should apologize for being an asshole to keep the peace, but my dad says to stick to my guns and she doesn’t deserve an apology. i do not plan to apologize, but aita for it? tl;dr: aita for making my sil cry after telling her off after she’d been rude all night during my daughters birthday?	19,147	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j70rku/aita_for_refusing_to_apologize_to_my_sil_after/	2020-10-07 22:20:07	nta. don't ever invite her again.	nta. she didn’t bother to bring even a tiny gift for her niece. not even a gift card. and she thinks she’s not cheap? and then to eat your food, and constantly criticize everything...and to irritate the birthday girl....how rude. do not let her back in until she can at least fake trying to be nice and kind and keep her comments to herself for after she leaves! (seriously she didn’t even attempt to pretend to be nice on her nieces birthday...)	never apologize to someone to “keep the peace,” it’s disingenuous and tells them that their shitty behavior is excusable. she had the nerve to insult you as a guest in your home, and delivered a truly vile low-blow when she asked what your wife would think. you let her off easy imo. hard nta. you do not need her bad energy in your life.	nta listen to your dad, he's right. your sil doesn't deserve an apology and your brother is way off base in his response. i particularly hate when assholes fake cry and act like the offended party.	how the hell does someone not bring a gift to a child’s birthday party, eat and call the host cheap? i’m glad your parents are on your side. nta	nta. so recap: she was never nice to you or your wife, shows up empty handed at her niece’s first birthday after losing her mom, knows the struggles you’ve had which are self explanatory, and has the nerve to invoke your wife’s name and profess concern about what she would think of some (to her) substandard party? please sleep well tonight and i’m so sorry for everything you and your daughter are going through. you sound like you’re doing very well by your daughter and congratulations for a healthy reaction to a jerk you don’t need right now in your life.	nta. she didn’t bring a gift, but called others cheap?!?! glad you banned her!	nta. the sheer audacity some people have never ceases to amaze me. you are an amazing father. i am very sorry for your loss and your daughter is truly blessed to have you. also good job cutting toxic people out of your lives, you are teaching your daughter that she doesn't need to put up with being treated badly just because they are 'family'.	nta well done for giveing your daughter a great birthday	let me just say how refreshing it is to read that the parents actually side with op and are actively mad at the asshole and enabler of the asshole too, not just passively. i love how they are sticking up for you and aren't another "we agree with you but apologize anyways to keep the peace" type people. absolutely nta and you did a great job with the celebration for your daughter!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (39m) lost my wife earlier this year, then my job was affected by the pandemic. my daughter just turned 13, and knows we’re not doing the best financially. my job picked back up thankfully, but we don’t have a lot of extra money yet. for my daughter’s birthday, i invited my parents, brother, and he invited sil, to have a small dinner with us over the weekend. i really tried to make it enjoyable for my daughter. i made her favorite meal, spaghetti with my wife’s meat sauce recipe, a copycat olive garden salad and dressing, and homemade garlic bread. i then was able to get a few small gifts for her. i even made a small cake. it was iced atrociously, but i tried. i have never liked my sil, she looks down at our family and she was always awful to my wife. still, i’m usually able to be civil to her. we ate, and my dad wanted my daughter to open her gifts. i am thrilled because while it wasn’t much, she seemed very happy about what she received from my parents and myself. my sil made snarky comments during dinner and gift opening, which i could tell irritated my daughter. afterwards, my parents left, and my daughter went to facetime my wife’s parents. my sil stalked into the kitchen and started berating me about being cheap for her birthday and then saying “what would your wife think?” i shouldn’t have, and i admit i completely lost my temper but i was so angry i told her my wife would be thrilled i managed to pull something together, including ignoring her snotty comments all night, but considering she showed up completely empty handed but had no problem shoving her mouth full of the food i made, and criticizing everyone who did make an effort, she didn’t have any room to be calling anyone cheap. she ran to my brother crying and they left in a huff. my parents called saying my brother was saying i was rude to his wife and ruined the night. i told them what happened and they are angry at sil and my brother now. brother is still blaming me and is now having a fit because i said she wasn’t welcome in my home again and if that meant not seeing him, so be it. my brother says i should apologize for being an asshole to keep the peace, but my dad says to stick to my guns and she doesn’t deserve an apology. i do not plan to apologize, but aita for it? tl;dr: aita for making my sil cry after telling her off after she’d been rude all night during my daughters birthday?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (39m) lost my wife earlier this year, then my job was affected by the pandemic. my daughter just turned 13, and knows we’re not doing the best financially. my job picked back up thankfully, but we don’t have a lot of extra money yet. for my daughter’s birthday, i invited my parents, brother, and he invited sil, to have a small dinner with us over the weekend. i really tried to make it enjoyable for my daughter. i made her favorite meal, spaghetti with my wife’s meat sauce recipe, a copycat olive garden salad and dressing, and homemade garlic bread. i then was able to get a few small gifts for her. i even made a small cake. it was iced atrociously, but i tried. i have never liked my sil, she looks down at our family and she was always awful to my wife. still, i’m usually able to be civil to her. we ate, and my dad wanted my daughter to open her gifts. i am thrilled because while it wasn’t much, she seemed very happy about what she received from my parents and myself. my sil made snarky comments during dinner and gift opening, which i could tell irritated my daughter. afterwards, my parents left, and my daughter went to facetime my wife’s parents. my sil stalked into the kitchen and started berating me about being cheap for her birthday and then saying “what would your wife think?” i shouldn’t have, and i admit i completely lost my temper but i was so angry i told her my wife would be thrilled i managed to pull something together, including ignoring her snotty comments all night, but considering she showed up completely empty handed but had no problem shoving her mouth full of the food i made, and criticizing everyone who did make an effort, she didn’t have any room to be calling anyone cheap. she ran to my brother crying and they left in a huff. my parents called saying my brother was saying i was rude to his wife and ruined the night. i told them what happened and they are angry at sil and my brother now. brother is still blaming me and is now having a fit because i said she wasn’t welcome in my home again and if that meant not seeing him, so be it. my brother says i should apologize for being an asshole to keep the peace, but my dad says to stick to my guns and she doesn’t deserve an apology. i do not plan to apologize, but aita for it? tl;dr: aita for making my sil cry after telling her off after she’d been rude all night during my daughters birthday? [/INST] nta. don't ever invite her again. </s>
AITA for offering to sell my house to my son and not my daughter?	my husband and i have 4 kids, henry (35m), lisa (33f), elizabeth (30f), and shawn (28m). we bought a 6 bed/7 bath house for next to nothing before henry was born. now that all of our kids have moved out, we decided to sell our house and buy a condo on the beach. henry and lisa both live near me and my husband and i'd say we have a good relationship with both of them, but we're closer with henry. he and his wife, abigail (36f) have us over for brunch every sunday, they come over with their kids (3f and 5f) often, and we would go on vacations together before 2020. lisa and i talk on the phone maybe once a week and she comes over/invites us over maybe twice a month. henry and lisa currently live in a 2 bedroom house but lisa recently found out she's pregnant and they're looking for something bigger. they asked us to help them with house hunting, but housing prices have drastically increased since we bought our house and they wouldn't be able to afford anything more than 3 bedrooms, even though they both have good jobs. we offered to sell them our house for the price of the house they were going to buy and they were elated. we drew up a contract and have a payment plan in place. we have enough money from the sale to buy the condo we were looking at. lisa and i were talking today and she asked how selling the house is going and i told her that we're selling it to henry and abigail. she was enraged when i told her and said that we should've offered to sell our house to her too since she's looking for a bigger place too (she didn't tell us this). i told her that henry and abigail need the space more because they have kids and she's single and childless. then she started to yell at me for "discriminating against her" because she's single and childless. aita for selling my house to my son and not my daughter?	4,919	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p9m0pb/aita_for_offering_to_sell_my_house_to_my_son_and/	2021-08-22 22:02:59	yta for giving 1/4 of your children 2 million dollars and 3/4 of your children nothing.	yta-you are essentially giving a significant amount of money to one child and telling the other children to suck it up. it’s your money and you can do what you want with it but your kids have every right to feel slighted.	yta. you meant well, but you effectively favored 1 child over the other 3. big no-no	keep in mind that you didn't just "take less" for the sale of your home. that discount was actually a direct and immediate transfer of wealth to your favored child. that equity is his. he could sell the house today and pocket that discount right now. i understand where your daughter is coming from. my parents gave my brother 150k to buy a house. they have subsequently spent an unknown, but i would guess quite large, sum on furnishings, appliances, household goods, tools and equipment, home upgrades etc. they've spent hours and hours painting and landscaping at my brother's home. he's now had a child and the folks have spent the last 2.5 years babysitting my nephew 40 plus hours a week at my brother's home. they are constantly running to home depot, costco, and sam's club keeping my brother's home we'll stocked in groceries and goods. they take my sibling out to eat very regularly and they take them on fully paid vacations. in our area, the value of homes have increased by over 40% in the last year alone, coupled with all of the work and upgrades that they have put into that home, my brother and his wife have accumulated a massive amount of wealth in these last four years. my brother will be building a huge amount of wealth in the coming decades. he never would have accomplished this on his own. the thing is, my parents have two other children. in this time, they bought me a $300 laptop. they could have given each of their children $50k to be used as down payments but chose instead to gift the entirety to their golden child. they have always planned their lives around my brother's availability. they consult with him about his availability before planning an extended family dinner reservation or party in their home. my parents know exactly what time i get off of work. i am not exaggerating, every time they've booked dinner reservations that included extended family they scheduled it a time i couldn't make. i don't mean by much, but like 45 minutes to early. the parents invited me over to dinner at their home. when i arrived, 30 minutes before the time on the invite they and my brother and his wife had already eaten. the food was packed up to be sent home with my brother and his wife. i literally turned around and walked out. the looks on their faces were pure "we didn't do this on purpose. we just weren't thinking of you." now my parents are surprised that their two non-favoured children spend only visit once or twice a month. yta. you could have sold your home for market value and then gifted the left over sum to your children equally.	yta, you are giving your son a 2 million dollar gift while saying fuck you to your 3 other kids. don't be surprised when this gets out to all of them that they take several steps back cause it's clear as day you have a favorite.	info: what sort of discount is your son getting? you are essentially gifting a large amount of money to your son (whatever the difference is between the actual and sale price.) if it is significant i can see why she might be upset. after all, had you wanted to be equitable you could have sold at full price and split the money between them. at the end of the day it's your money to do what you please with, but don't act like it's no big deal. this is a large amount of money going to one sibling and not the other. even if it's in the form of an asset and not cash.	they couldn’t afford more than a 3 bedroom, but could afford $1m on a $3m house?!	i hate how op said “lisa and i talk on the phone maybe once a week and she comes over/invites us over maybe twice a month” to justify choosing one child over the other. isn’t it your job as a parent to reach out to your kids and to build the same relationship with lisa, elizabeth and shawn as you did with henry? you are absolutely an ah	yta. that is wild favouritism that is going to allow your son to have a lot of equity he didn’t have to work or pay for giving them a huge boost in the future. are you giving your other children the equivalent in cash or assets? if not, then you need to understand that this is going to appear as pure favouritism.	yta. this basically screams favortism and unfairness. you don't even mention your younger two children, but the fairest thing to do would have been split whatever extra from the sale of your house 4 ways. or give nothing to any of them. by selling this asset to your oldest child at a super cheap rate, you have effectively screwed the other 3 children out any portion of that house they could have inherited. it also sounds like you wouldn't be able to repeat this grand gesture for your other kids if they choose to start families.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	null	null	YTA	YTA	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have 4 kids, henry (35m), lisa (33f), elizabeth (30f), and shawn (28m). we bought a 6 bed/7 bath house for next to nothing before henry was born. now that all of our kids have moved out, we decided to sell our house and buy a condo on the beach. henry and lisa both live near me and my husband and i'd say we have a good relationship with both of them, but we're closer with henry. he and his wife, abigail (36f) have us over for brunch every sunday, they come over with their kids (3f and 5f) often, and we would go on vacations together before 2020. lisa and i talk on the phone maybe once a week and she comes over/invites us over maybe twice a month. henry and lisa currently live in a 2 bedroom house but lisa recently found out she's pregnant and they're looking for something bigger. they asked us to help them with house hunting, but housing prices have drastically increased since we bought our house and they wouldn't be able to afford anything more than 3 bedrooms, even though they both have good jobs. we offered to sell them our house for the price of the house they were going to buy and they were elated. we drew up a contract and have a payment plan in place. we have enough money from the sale to buy the condo we were looking at. lisa and i were talking today and she asked how selling the house is going and i told her that we're selling it to henry and abigail. she was enraged when i told her and said that we should've offered to sell our house to her too since she's looking for a bigger place too (she didn't tell us this). i told her that henry and abigail need the space more because they have kids and she's single and childless. then she started to yell at me for "discriminating against her" because she's single and childless. aita for selling my house to my son and not my daughter?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband and i have 4 kids, henry (35m), lisa (33f), elizabeth (30f), and shawn (28m). we bought a 6 bed/7 bath house for next to nothing before henry was born. now that all of our kids have moved out, we decided to sell our house and buy a condo on the beach. henry and lisa both live near me and my husband and i'd say we have a good relationship with both of them, but we're closer with henry. he and his wife, abigail (36f) have us over for brunch every sunday, they come over with their kids (3f and 5f) often, and we would go on vacations together before 2020. lisa and i talk on the phone maybe once a week and she comes over/invites us over maybe twice a month. henry and lisa currently live in a 2 bedroom house but lisa recently found out she's pregnant and they're looking for something bigger. they asked us to help them with house hunting, but housing prices have drastically increased since we bought our house and they wouldn't be able to afford anything more than 3 bedrooms, even though they both have good jobs. we offered to sell them our house for the price of the house they were going to buy and they were elated. we drew up a contract and have a payment plan in place. we have enough money from the sale to buy the condo we were looking at. lisa and i were talking today and she asked how selling the house is going and i told her that we're selling it to henry and abigail. she was enraged when i told her and said that we should've offered to sell our house to her too since she's looking for a bigger place too (she didn't tell us this). i told her that henry and abigail need the space more because they have kids and she's single and childless. then she started to yell at me for "discriminating against her" because she's single and childless. aita for selling my house to my son and not my daughter? [/INST] yta for giving 1/4 of your children 2 million dollars and 3/4 of your children nothing. </s>

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