Split (2)

train · 1.6k rows

submission_title stringlengths 21 221	submission_text stringlengths 0 3.4k	submission_score int64 3.34k 70.8k	submission_url stringlengths 73 106	submission_date stringdate 2019-01-01 13:47:56 2022-12-31 19:17:44	top_comment_1 stringlengths 19 729	top_comment_2 stringlengths 0 3.06k	top_comment_3 stringlengths 3 4.65k	top_comment_4 stringlengths 4 5.05k	top_comment_5 stringlengths 0 3.67k	top_comment_6 stringlengths 8 3.81k	top_comment_7 stringlengths 0 4.55k	top_comment_8 stringlengths 0 3.69k	top_comment_9 stringlengths 0 3.96k	top_comment_10 stringlengths 0 3.43k	top_comment_1_classification stringclasses 2 values	top_comment_2_classification stringclasses 5 values	top_comment_3_classification stringclasses 5 values	top_comment_4_classification stringclasses 5 values	top_comment_5_classification stringclasses 5 values	top_comment_6_classification stringclasses 5 values	top_comment_7_classification stringclasses 5 values	top_comment_8_classification stringclasses 5 values	top_comment_9_classification stringclasses 5 values	top_comment_10_classification stringclasses 5 values	ambiguity_score float64 0 1	flanT5_instruction stringlengths 242 3.63k	llama2_instruction stringlengths 313 4.01k
AITA For kicking my fiancee's pregnant sister out?	i m27 have a cat named billy. he's my best friend and is very funny and adorable. he always makes me laugh and comforts me when i need him. my fiancee f26 had her pregnant sister stay with us after her boyfriend kicked her out. this cost me to work more since i pay for everything. my fiancee is currently looking for a job but nothing was found. the problem started when her sister started complaining about billy. she'd yell at him to get out whenever he's in the kitchen or the livingroom. she spray him with water whenever she wants him out and threw his food away. once i saw it with my own eyes i asked her to respect billy as a resident of my home and stop hurting him. my fiancee said her sister never had a cat so she doesn't know how to treat them which is nonesense since animals just want to be left alone but fiancee's sister seemed to be doing it deliberatly. yesterday. i came home at 6pm and billy wasn't home. i went to look for him after my fiancee's sister said he left in the morning. i finally saw my nighbor bringing him to me saying he saw my fiancee's sister drop him off near an auto repair shop a bit far from here. i was livid. billy was too scared he couldn't even eat. i confronted her and she lied about not going anywhere and asked my fiancee to back her up but fiancee refused. she then admitted it but kept excusing what she did by saying she was just worried for her baby since cats arent good to be around pregnant women. i blew up at her and told her to leave. my fiancee said that that's her sister and her niece/nephew and i should be more graceful. i argued with her about what billy felt aftee what her sister did but my fiancee called me unsupportive and was overreacting and no harm in taking billy to stay with a friend since her sister clearly is scared of him. ******* see a photo of billy in my profile and decide wether he is scary.	17,975	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mk58jo/aita_for_kicking_my_fiancees_pregnant_sister_out/	2021-04-04 21:24:18	nta. ditch your fiance, too. you're paying for her, her sister, and for both of them to mistreat your cat. seems like the sister isn't getting shit from your fiance about abusing your cat (cats can be around pregnant women, it's just the kitty litter she needs to avoid, which if she was actually concerned about it, she'd know). you're not their financial piggy bank and you get to have a pet. keep the cat, lose the women.	nta kick them both out. it's really the only way to ensure billy's safety (he's adorable!).	nta holy cow. kick her out and frankly i would think twice about marrying anyone that could defend that kind of behavior	nta - get her out of your house. that's ridiculous, especially to do to someone helping you. don't let her use her pregnancy as a way to behave so terribly either. don't feel bad. any time you wonder if you're being too harsh think about how your buddy felt being tossed out.	nta!! billy is precious and i love him. is she gone and is our new kitty safe?	nta - billy is beautiful and if the sister doesn't go, i have a feeling billy will disappear, permanently next time. the sister should be kicked out with no guilt.	billy is a cutie pie. reconsider both of them, if they are fully supporting the notion of ousting billy especially since neither are contributing to the household financially. i'm worried sis is going to do something worse and gf will just let it happen and again, excuse the sis behaviour. nta	nta- dump them both. seriously. you,and especially your cat, were lucky this time. next time the cat “leaves in the morning” he may never come back. if your girlfriend is so worried about her sister they can get a place together.	nta. she took your cat and abandoned him in a place far from your home. you're lucky someone saw him and let you know because you may never have gotten him back. would your fiance still defend her sister? or are they on the same page and using this as an excuse? i'd really look twice at someone who so willingly abuses or defends abuse of an animal. also. as a cat owner who has two kids.... it's the litter you need to stay away from. not the cat. unless you were asking her to scoop poop or it's in an open living area, she's fine and either uneducated or intentionally trying to use that as an excuse.	info: did your fiancee know her sister dumped your cat? you said she wouldn't back up her sister's story but was she trying to not get involved? if she knew and didn't immediately tell you or try to stop her sister you absolutely have to get rid of your fiancee as well. you were absolutely right to kick out the sister. nta in any way.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i m27 have a cat named billy. he's my best friend and is very funny and adorable. he always makes me laugh and comforts me when i need him. my fiancee f26 had her pregnant sister stay with us after her boyfriend kicked her out. this cost me to work more since i pay for everything. my fiancee is currently looking for a job but nothing was found. the problem started when her sister started complaining about billy. she'd yell at him to get out whenever he's in the kitchen or the livingroom. she spray him with water whenever she wants him out and threw his food away. once i saw it with my own eyes i asked her to respect billy as a resident of my home and stop hurting him. my fiancee said her sister never had a cat so she doesn't know how to treat them which is nonesense since animals just want to be left alone but fiancee's sister seemed to be doing it deliberatly. yesterday. i came home at 6pm and billy wasn't home. i went to look for him after my fiancee's sister said he left in the morning. i finally saw my nighbor bringing him to me saying he saw my fiancee's sister drop him off near an auto repair shop a bit far from here. i was livid. billy was too scared he couldn't even eat. i confronted her and she lied about not going anywhere and asked my fiancee to back her up but fiancee refused. she then admitted it but kept excusing what she did by saying she was just worried for her baby since cats arent good to be around pregnant women. i blew up at her and told her to leave. my fiancee said that that's her sister and her niece/nephew and i should be more graceful. i argued with her about what billy felt aftee what her sister did but my fiancee called me unsupportive and was overreacting and no harm in taking billy to stay with a friend since her sister clearly is scared of him. ******* see a photo of billy in my profile and decide wether he is scary.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i m27 have a cat named billy. he's my best friend and is very funny and adorable. he always makes me laugh and comforts me when i need him. my fiancee f26 had her pregnant sister stay with us after her boyfriend kicked her out. this cost me to work more since i pay for everything. my fiancee is currently looking for a job but nothing was found. the problem started when her sister started complaining about billy. she'd yell at him to get out whenever he's in the kitchen or the livingroom. she spray him with water whenever she wants him out and threw his food away. once i saw it with my own eyes i asked her to respect billy as a resident of my home and stop hurting him. my fiancee said her sister never had a cat so she doesn't know how to treat them which is nonesense since animals just want to be left alone but fiancee's sister seemed to be doing it deliberatly. yesterday. i came home at 6pm and billy wasn't home. i went to look for him after my fiancee's sister said he left in the morning. i finally saw my nighbor bringing him to me saying he saw my fiancee's sister drop him off near an auto repair shop a bit far from here. i was livid. billy was too scared he couldn't even eat. i confronted her and she lied about not going anywhere and asked my fiancee to back her up but fiancee refused. she then admitted it but kept excusing what she did by saying she was just worried for her baby since cats arent good to be around pregnant women. i blew up at her and told her to leave. my fiancee said that that's her sister and her niece/nephew and i should be more graceful. i argued with her about what billy felt aftee what her sister did but my fiancee called me unsupportive and was overreacting and no harm in taking billy to stay with a friend since her sister clearly is scared of him. ******* see a photo of billy in my profile and decide wether he is scary. [/INST] nta. ditch your fiance, too. you're paying for her, her sister, and for both of them to mistreat your cat. seems like the sister isn't getting shit from your fiance about abusing your cat (cats can be around pregnant women, it's just the kitty litter she needs to avoid, which if she was actually concerned about it, she'd know). you're not their financial piggy bank and you get to have a pet. keep the cat, lose the women. </s>
AITA for flipping out on my sons school after they lied to him about donation prizes?	i will try not keep this short with just points rather than description. if info is needed, please ask. son is in 4th grade. school is only open on mondays. the rest of the week he is home with me. they dont do virtual learning during the rest of the week. no zoom calls are made. no teacher actually checks in. homework at home is not to be sent back to the school and instead they get a participation grade the following week if they tell their teacher they completed it. its backwards and your students arent being graded for the work they actually do. every monday we get a new flier in the mail asking for donations. last week we got a flier that said to send out 20 emails to individuals to ask them for donations, with the promise of prizes for participation. they also had other prizes on this flier. basically, the more people who donate using your name, the bigger the prize you get. my son wanted the headphones prize. no where on the flier did it say how many donations was needed. i called the school to ask and they said 12. i sent out the 20 emails. 14 people donated. the donation list was to be emailed to the school with the student id and we were to pick up the prizes this past monday. son was losing his mind excited because he got the 12 donations needed for the headphones. we walk in and they proceed to tell me and my son that he did not qualify for the prize because in order to be eligible, you needed to get those 20 donations. apparently the prizes for donations started counting after you recieved the 20. they turned damn near every student away, not just my kid. so i sent the boy out with his father and pulled the teacher and principle aside to let them know that i thought it was fucked up that they got these kids hopes up for absolutely nothing and that all they accomplished was destroying the children's spirits by lying to their faces. i then told them that i was told by the secretary that he only needed 12 donations for those headphones. they said "sorry you feel that way. this is just how things are right now due to covid." so i responded with "oh. so lying to students and breaking their spirits is okay because of covid? failing to provide virtual learning for the rest of the week like other schools is okay because of covid? asking for donations when the kids are only here once a week must be okay too right?" i then walked out. well, my son got the headphones in the mail today with a note from the superintendent that said "i'm very sorry for the actions of the school system and the confusion formed around the donation drive. we are trying to work with the families, not turn them away. please accept this as an apology." my son is over the moon. my husband says that i was being a karen and that we should have just dropped it because it teaches our son that life isnt fair and that i now look like an ah helicopter parent. aita? i dont think i am.	27,067	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6qi9b/aita_for_flipping_out_on_my_sons_school_after/	2020-10-07 13:08:55	nta. being a karen is when you make an overly dramatic scene over something that either doesn’t matter or isn’t actually an issue. you made a point to pull the principal aside and not make a public scene to make a legitimate point.	nta. it sounds more like a pyramid scheme than a fundraiser, and by not laying out clear guidelines for prizes it allowed them to pull crap like this. they knew exactly what they were doing.	nta nta nta . as a teacher myself that’s messed up . can’t believe the school actually did that to the kids after everything that’s going on . they basically lied and got their hopes up. you did the right damn thing . next time they know not to play stupid games . i do hope the other kids were given a prize too .	your husband needs to look up the definition of a karen, you handled this like a.....well idk what they call badass moms, i vote we should use your name because this is exactly how you handle that situation😂😂	nta they lied, and tried to cover it up by blaming you. you taught your son to hold people accountable for the truth. is this a public school? because if it is a private school, i would not pay their tuition at all. they are not teaching.	nta calling you a karen for not letting the school get away with lying is really sexist. he thinks women should shut up and never complain because "life is not fair"? uh, no dude. complaining about the school administration lying to its students makes you a responsible parent. your husband is afraid to speak up, and is embarrassed because you are not. he needs to grow a spine, not insult you because he's afraid to. *edited, typos.	hell no, nta. and tell your husband, the superintendent doesn't get involved unless it's a big deal. that's all the proof you need, right there.	nta. just because you spoke sternly with someone in charge doesn’t make you a karen. sometimes that’s what’s needed. they should have been more clear about the rules, like every donation i’ve seen run ever, and the way the school is teaching and grading (or not, more like) is fucked up and not good for students’ longterm education.	nta. life may not always be fair, but that is all the more reason for your son to learn to challenge unfairness. i would hazard a guess that the school may have underestimated the number of donations that would be made, and the number of prizes they would need to hand out. if kids were expected to send out 20 emails, it stands to reason that 20 would be the maximum number of donations to be made in any child's name. it therefore makes no sense that your son would need to get 32 donations to qualify for a prize.	nta. nowadays i think people use the word karen too loosely. some actions are justified and does not make you a karen. i think people should be more aware of what being a 'karen' really means.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i will try not keep this short with just points rather than description. if info is needed, please ask. son is in 4th grade. school is only open on mondays. the rest of the week he is home with me. they dont do virtual learning during the rest of the week. no zoom calls are made. no teacher actually checks in. homework at home is not to be sent back to the school and instead they get a participation grade the following week if they tell their teacher they completed it. its backwards and your students arent being graded for the work they actually do. every monday we get a new flier in the mail asking for donations. last week we got a flier that said to send out 20 emails to individuals to ask them for donations, with the promise of prizes for participation. they also had other prizes on this flier. basically, the more people who donate using your name, the bigger the prize you get. my son wanted the headphones prize. no where on the flier did it say how many donations was needed. i called the school to ask and they said 12. i sent out the 20 emails. 14 people donated. the donation list was to be emailed to the school with the student id and we were to pick up the prizes this past monday. son was losing his mind excited because he got the 12 donations needed for the headphones. we walk in and they proceed to tell me and my son that he did not qualify for the prize because in order to be eligible, you needed to get those 20 donations. apparently the prizes for donations started counting after you recieved the 20. they turned damn near every student away, not just my kid. so i sent the boy out with his father and pulled the teacher and principle aside to let them know that i thought it was fucked up that they got these kids hopes up for absolutely nothing and that all they accomplished was destroying the children's spirits by lying to their faces. i then told them that i was told by the secretary that he only needed 12 donations for those headphones. they said "sorry you feel that way. this is just how things are right now due to covid." so i responded with "oh. so lying to students and breaking their spirits is okay because of covid? failing to provide virtual learning for the rest of the week like other schools is okay because of covid? asking for donations when the kids are only here once a week must be okay too right?" i then walked out. well, my son got the headphones in the mail today with a note from the superintendent that said "i'm very sorry for the actions of the school system and the confusion formed around the donation drive. we are trying to work with the families, not turn them away. please accept this as an apology." my son is over the moon. my husband says that i was being a karen and that we should have just dropped it because it teaches our son that life isnt fair and that i now look like an ah helicopter parent. aita? i dont think i am.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i will try not keep this short with just points rather than description. if info is needed, please ask. son is in 4th grade. school is only open on mondays. the rest of the week he is home with me. they dont do virtual learning during the rest of the week. no zoom calls are made. no teacher actually checks in. homework at home is not to be sent back to the school and instead they get a participation grade the following week if they tell their teacher they completed it. its backwards and your students arent being graded for the work they actually do. every monday we get a new flier in the mail asking for donations. last week we got a flier that said to send out 20 emails to individuals to ask them for donations, with the promise of prizes for participation. they also had other prizes on this flier. basically, the more people who donate using your name, the bigger the prize you get. my son wanted the headphones prize. no where on the flier did it say how many donations was needed. i called the school to ask and they said 12. i sent out the 20 emails. 14 people donated. the donation list was to be emailed to the school with the student id and we were to pick up the prizes this past monday. son was losing his mind excited because he got the 12 donations needed for the headphones. we walk in and they proceed to tell me and my son that he did not qualify for the prize because in order to be eligible, you needed to get those 20 donations. apparently the prizes for donations started counting after you recieved the 20. they turned damn near every student away, not just my kid. so i sent the boy out with his father and pulled the teacher and principle aside to let them know that i thought it was fucked up that they got these kids hopes up for absolutely nothing and that all they accomplished was destroying the children's spirits by lying to their faces. i then told them that i was told by the secretary that he only needed 12 donations for those headphones. they said "sorry you feel that way. this is just how things are right now due to covid." so i responded with "oh. so lying to students and breaking their spirits is okay because of covid? failing to provide virtual learning for the rest of the week like other schools is okay because of covid? asking for donations when the kids are only here once a week must be okay too right?" i then walked out. well, my son got the headphones in the mail today with a note from the superintendent that said "i'm very sorry for the actions of the school system and the confusion formed around the donation drive. we are trying to work with the families, not turn them away. please accept this as an apology." my son is over the moon. my husband says that i was being a karen and that we should have just dropped it because it teaches our son that life isnt fair and that i now look like an ah helicopter parent. aita? i dont think i am. [/INST] nta. being a karen is when you make an overly dramatic scene over something that either doesn’t matter or isn’t actually an issue. you made a point to pull the principal aside and not make a public scene to make a legitimate point. </s>
AITA for grounding my 16yro son for a month after he called his stepdad a slur?	i'm 43m, my son is 16m. i'm divorced (have been for a few years now) and my ex remarried recently. her new husband (jonathan) is black (we're white). he and my ex are now expecting a baby together. he also has 2 teenage boys himself. my ex and i share custody, but our son spends most of his time at my plase because he has more room and privacy here. last weekend he was at his mom's and on sunday, he called me all upset saying to come pick him up. i rushed over there and found out that he got into a fight with jonathan over some chores and jonathan locked him out of wifi and banned him from video games until he does his chores (which is how my ex and i also discipline him, and jonathan has our permission to do the same if my son acts out - he can use the same methods he uses with his sons). more longterm/serious punishments are of course decided between my ex and i, but "no video games today" type of thing is totally fine for jonathan to do. my ex and jonathan then told me that my son got all upset over this punishment and told jonathan to " f*ck off". jonathan then told him to stop talking like that, to which my son replied "you and your sons ruined my life, so you dont get to tell me what to do. i want take orders from a n anyway". i asked my son if this is all true. he said yes. he actually called him the n word (because "well isnt it true"). i lost it and told my son he is grounded for the whole month of december. my ex agreed. he is obviously annoyed and angry, because he had tons of plans with his friends. he said that i am overreacting to one word and am being unfair. my brother and mom agree with my son, and are saying that the punishment doesn't fit the crime. aita?	22,316	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zaqd83/aita_for_grounding_my_16yro_son_for_a_month_after/	2022-12-02 16:22:33	nta and i’m sure your ex and jonathan appreciate this more than you know. it is worth trying to figure out what kinds of online communities your son is spending time in, he is the perfect demographic to be recruited by alt right creeps. :/	nta but mom and brother agreeing with him should tell you all you need to know about where he got the idea in the first place to even think it. as part of his punishment for the whole month of december you should find every series, documentary, movie of how black people have been/are treated. then for shits and giggles he can write a 500 page essay on all that he has learned. edited to add people	nta and this ladies and gents is how you parent after a divorce. there’s clearly work to be done with your son but well done for standing up for the new step parent when your son is so so so clearly in the wrong.	nta your son needs to learn that calling someone the n-word or any slur is unacceptable.	your brother and your mom don't get a say. nta.	your son called someone a violent slur and is showing no remorse. please check his internet history, you do not know what he is watching or talking to.	nta. not even close. in fact, you would be a huge asshole if you let that slide in any way. kid needs to learn what is and isn't acceptable. it seems like both you and your ex are firmly anti-n-word so i assume he gets that language either from his friend group or the internet communities he's in. just beware, people usually don't just say the n word as an insult without having some underlying racism. so the lesson needs to be deeper than just "don't say that word, it's not okay".	the punishment does fit the crime, though. your son has to realize he was not using just another curse word - but a hateful pejorative. and he did it knowingly and with intent to hurt. nta, i applaud your parenting.	nta - good for you. the actual issue aside, this shows great solidarity. as far as "overreacting" goes - your son wasn't just being deliberately hateful to a stranger or casual acquaintance, but to 3 people who live in his actual home!	nta. along with grounding him he needs to be educated on the origin and history of the use of the n word. he needs to understand why that word and other slurs (race, faith, country, gender, etc) are cruel and disrespectful. an above post made an excellent point that using slurs could lead to some dangerous and unpleasant situations (school fights, suspensions, etc). you totally made the right call.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 43m, my son is 16m. i'm divorced (have been for a few years now) and my ex remarried recently. her new husband (jonathan) is black (we're white). he and my ex are now expecting a baby together. he also has 2 teenage boys himself. my ex and i share custody, but our son spends most of his time at my plase because he has more room and privacy here. last weekend he was at his mom's and on sunday, he called me all upset saying to come pick him up. i rushed over there and found out that he got into a fight with jonathan over some chores and jonathan locked him out of wifi and banned him from video games until he does his chores (which is how my ex and i also discipline him, and jonathan has our permission to do the same if my son acts out - he can use the same methods he uses with his sons). more longterm/serious punishments are of course decided between my ex and i, but "no video games today" type of thing is totally fine for jonathan to do. my ex and jonathan then told me that my son got all upset over this punishment and told jonathan to " f*ck off". jonathan then told him to stop talking like that, to which my son replied "you and your sons ruined my life, so you dont get to tell me what to do. i want take orders from a n anyway". i asked my son if this is all true. he said yes. he actually called him the n word (because "well isnt it true"). i lost it and told my son he is grounded for the whole month of december. my ex agreed. he is obviously annoyed and angry, because he had tons of plans with his friends. he said that i am overreacting to one word and am being unfair. my brother and mom agree with my son, and are saying that the punishment doesn't fit the crime. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm 43m, my son is 16m. i'm divorced (have been for a few years now) and my ex remarried recently. her new husband (jonathan) is black (we're white). he and my ex are now expecting a baby together. he also has 2 teenage boys himself. my ex and i share custody, but our son spends most of his time at my plase because he has more room and privacy here. last weekend he was at his mom's and on sunday, he called me all upset saying to come pick him up. i rushed over there and found out that he got into a fight with jonathan over some chores and jonathan locked him out of wifi and banned him from video games until he does his chores (which is how my ex and i also discipline him, and jonathan has our permission to do the same if my son acts out - he can use the same methods he uses with his sons). more longterm/serious punishments are of course decided between my ex and i, but "no video games today" type of thing is totally fine for jonathan to do. my ex and jonathan then told me that my son got all upset over this punishment and told jonathan to " f*ck off". jonathan then told him to stop talking like that, to which my son replied "you and your sons ruined my life, so you dont get to tell me what to do. i want take orders from a n anyway". i asked my son if this is all true. he said yes. he actually called him the n word (because "well isnt it true"). i lost it and told my son he is grounded for the whole month of december. my ex agreed. he is obviously annoyed and angry, because he had tons of plans with his friends. he said that i am overreacting to one word and am being unfair. my brother and mom agree with my son, and are saying that the punishment doesn't fit the crime. aita? [/INST] nta and i’m sure your ex and jonathan appreciate this more than you know. it is worth trying to figure out what kinds of online communities your son is spending time in, he is the perfect demographic to be recruited by alt right creeps. :/ </s>
AITA for not paying for an equally extravagant wedding for my oldest daughter?	we have two daughters, jody who is 26 and hanna who is 28. both of them are engaged to two wonderful men who we adore. my wife and i have saved roughly $50k for each daughter as a wedding fund. we aren't rich people so it took us years of being careful with our finances to help pay for half their college and this wedding fund. we sat down with both my daughters separately to talk about their wedding plans. they did not know we had a fund for them. this was probably our first mistake. hanna immediately said she did not want a large wedding and would rather save money for a house deposit. she was going to do a courthouse wedding followed by a reception next year. so my wife and i agreed we would give her the wedding fund for that purpose. again, we didn't communicate any of this with her. a huge mistake in hindsight. jody wanted a decent sized wedding. something the fund would've covered. my wife and i decided to pay for several of our family members from out of the country to attend. we knew it would be expensive but we knew we were only having one traditional wedding and we hadn't seen some close family close to 20 years. unfortunately, the costs started going out of control and we ended up taking $15k out of hanna's wedding fund to cover the difference. at the time, we felt ok doing this because the extra costs of the wedding were due to our decisions, not jody's. the wedding happened a few weeks ago and it was perfect. the problem now is that hanna is aware we paid for most of her sister's wedding. she isn't aware about the costs and that we had to use some of her wedding fund. a week after her sister's wedding, she came to us and said she changed her mind after seeing how beautiful it was. that she too wants a wedding like that with all of our extended family. my wife and i had to tell her there was no way we could pay for all the extras again because we thought it'd be a once in a lifetime situation. we told her we'd be giving her around $35k for a house deposit and hosting her reception at our home. hanna had a complete meltdown and accused us of playing favorites. she left in tears. she is now telling us she's too busy to meet for dinner or lunch when she used to drop by a few times a week. this situation has now reached other members of our family who are chiming in. this has been killing us. my wife told me we should just take the other $25k-30k from our savings to make this smooth over. a part of me agrees but a larger part of me is angry that we have to mess with our retirement just because hanna changed her mind. and i know part of her decision change is because of the constant competition our daughters have had growing up. aita for thinking everything should stick to the original plan? my wife disagrees with me.	5,977	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/deljwg/aita_for_not_paying_for_an_equally_extravagant/	2019-10-07 16:08:34	yta wtf. you took 15k from a fund you promised one daughter to pay for the other daughters wedding and have the nerve to tell her to suck it up? that is incredibly fucked up. you are essentially penalizing your daughter for your own excess spending.	> a larger part of me is angry that we have to mess with our retirement just because hanna changed her mind. so, you're not angry with yourself for spending more of the money you promised you would keep aside for her? because that is the root of the problem you guys are facing now.... yta, if you blame this on your daughter...	yta so you took money from one’s fund to make the first’s even more extravagant... look, what you’re doing is an incredible gift, 99% of us will never get that kind of money spent on us and you’re certainly incredibly generous. but you were playing favourites, your eldest daughter decided on a more practical use of the money, and she was punished for it...?? your younger daughter got to have her wishes fulfilled at your expense, and you promised equality between the two... then after the fact you decide the elder one is getting less. it’s a slap in the face. whether she’s acting entitled or not is up for debate but you naturally feel entitled to something that you’re promised... you built her up to knock he down.	yta the original plan was 50k for each of them. so jody got 65% and hannah got 35% of the 100k. 'extra costs were due to our decisions not jodys' but why would you dip into hannahs fund - weren't you going to give her 50k for a house deposit since she was going to have a cheaper wedding? yes your money is your money, but you were playing favourites. if you can top up hannahs to 50k.	yta. until the planning was done, she had every right to change her mind about the type of wedding she wants. additionally, you still should have kept the amounts even whether it was for a house or a wedding - you essentially punished the one for wanting a house instead of a party. no wonder they are competitive. you have to now mess with your retirement because of your decisions to spend more than the budget, not because she changed her mind. the blame lies squarely on your shoulders, not hers.	yta you stole $15k from one daughter to give to the other. you can insist that it was your money to do what you want with, but you agreed to give hanna $50k for a house purchase, then gave her money to jody. the only thing you said that i agree with is "everything should stick to the original plan"...which you didn't do.	yta: you are playing favorites by being unequal with them. you’re literally giving one daughter a lot more money. you should have left the other account alone and she would have been able to use that money for a future house or whatever. instead she’s punished for having a more affordable wedding? of course she’s changed her mind now, she saw how great the other wedding was. you should have thought of this sooner. don’t blame your daughter, blame yourself for poor planning.	> a part of me agrees but a larger part of me is angry that we have to mess with our retirement just because hanna changed her mind. no, you have to mess with your retirement because you made poor financial choices in the first wedding and didn't put your foot down where you needed to with regard to expenses. you felt like you had excess cash in the funds when you didn't and that is a mistake you need to own up to and take responsibility for. jody needs to repay the difference in the wedding costs (she wanted a big wedding, good for her, she puts in the work then) based on the fact that you had a honest open discussion about how much you were wiling to spend (you did this, right op?... right?...) and she decided that wasn't good enough and wanted 15k in extras. hanna just wants to be treated as an equal, and she legitimately didn't realize she wanted a big wedding until her sister had one, this happens with siblings, and it's something you signed up for as parents when you had your second child. they would be in competition with one another for a lifetime, and you are the impartial mediator of the issues, demonstrating fairness and ability to judge situations where there are difficult or ambiguous circumstances. basically you fucked up, and you are playing good kid bad kid. personally, i'd have avoided paying for any wedding costs at all, and instead just given them each cash to expend where they see fit. since you chose to be a part of the wedding team on wedding #1, you have to choose to be a part of wedding team #2 with equal weight. of course the other options is you disown the lesser daughter and keep the one you prefer. yta manage your finances better.	sorry, but yta. you’re mad that you may have to go 30k into your savings. sure, i get that. but no one forced you to dip into the one daughter’s money to fund the other’s wedding. the fact that you did this without hesitation (and have the audacity to now blame the wronged daughter for your error of judgement) tells me that this sort of thing has happened before. you’re worried about competition between daughters? there are reasons it exists.	daughters: were getting married! you: great! we have money saved up for the occasion! daughter 1: nice, i'll be able to have an extravagant wedding! daughter 2: i'd rather use it on a house, if that's okay with you. you: okay. also you: i'll upgrade daughter 1's wedding to an extra extravagant wedding from the money that would've gone to daughter 2's down-payment. yta, i don't see how you wouldn't be? when you have children you don't have to do everything 100% equal all the time, different people have different wishes. however, you shouldn't make as big of a difference as you're doing here. not only are you making a huge difference between your daughters, you're also effectively going back on your word.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we have two daughters, jody who is 26 and hanna who is 28. both of them are engaged to two wonderful men who we adore. my wife and i have saved roughly $50k for each daughter as a wedding fund. we aren't rich people so it took us years of being careful with our finances to help pay for half their college and this wedding fund. we sat down with both my daughters separately to talk about their wedding plans. they did not know we had a fund for them. this was probably our first mistake. hanna immediately said she did not want a large wedding and would rather save money for a house deposit. she was going to do a courthouse wedding followed by a reception next year. so my wife and i agreed we would give her the wedding fund for that purpose. again, we didn't communicate any of this with her. a huge mistake in hindsight. jody wanted a decent sized wedding. something the fund would've covered. my wife and i decided to pay for several of our family members from out of the country to attend. we knew it would be expensive but we knew we were only having one traditional wedding and we hadn't seen some close family close to 20 years. unfortunately, the costs started going out of control and we ended up taking $15k out of hanna's wedding fund to cover the difference. at the time, we felt ok doing this because the extra costs of the wedding were due to our decisions, not jody's. the wedding happened a few weeks ago and it was perfect. the problem now is that hanna is aware we paid for most of her sister's wedding. she isn't aware about the costs and that we had to use some of her wedding fund. a week after her sister's wedding, she came to us and said she changed her mind after seeing how beautiful it was. that she too wants a wedding like that with all of our extended family. my wife and i had to tell her there was no way we could pay for all the extras again because we thought it'd be a once in a lifetime situation. we told her we'd be giving her around $35k for a house deposit and hosting her reception at our home. hanna had a complete meltdown and accused us of playing favorites. she left in tears. she is now telling us she's too busy to meet for dinner or lunch when she used to drop by a few times a week. this situation has now reached other members of our family who are chiming in. this has been killing us. my wife told me we should just take the other $25k-30k from our savings to make this smooth over. a part of me agrees but a larger part of me is angry that we have to mess with our retirement just because hanna changed her mind. and i know part of her decision change is because of the constant competition our daughters have had growing up. aita for thinking everything should stick to the original plan? my wife disagrees with me.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> we have two daughters, jody who is 26 and hanna who is 28. both of them are engaged to two wonderful men who we adore. my wife and i have saved roughly $50k for each daughter as a wedding fund. we aren't rich people so it took us years of being careful with our finances to help pay for half their college and this wedding fund. we sat down with both my daughters separately to talk about their wedding plans. they did not know we had a fund for them. this was probably our first mistake. hanna immediately said she did not want a large wedding and would rather save money for a house deposit. she was going to do a courthouse wedding followed by a reception next year. so my wife and i agreed we would give her the wedding fund for that purpose. again, we didn't communicate any of this with her. a huge mistake in hindsight. jody wanted a decent sized wedding. something the fund would've covered. my wife and i decided to pay for several of our family members from out of the country to attend. we knew it would be expensive but we knew we were only having one traditional wedding and we hadn't seen some close family close to 20 years. unfortunately, the costs started going out of control and we ended up taking $15k out of hanna's wedding fund to cover the difference. at the time, we felt ok doing this because the extra costs of the wedding were due to our decisions, not jody's. the wedding happened a few weeks ago and it was perfect. the problem now is that hanna is aware we paid for most of her sister's wedding. she isn't aware about the costs and that we had to use some of her wedding fund. a week after her sister's wedding, she came to us and said she changed her mind after seeing how beautiful it was. that she too wants a wedding like that with all of our extended family. my wife and i had to tell her there was no way we could pay for all the extras again because we thought it'd be a once in a lifetime situation. we told her we'd be giving her around $35k for a house deposit and hosting her reception at our home. hanna had a complete meltdown and accused us of playing favorites. she left in tears. she is now telling us she's too busy to meet for dinner or lunch when she used to drop by a few times a week. this situation has now reached other members of our family who are chiming in. this has been killing us. my wife told me we should just take the other $25k-30k from our savings to make this smooth over. a part of me agrees but a larger part of me is angry that we have to mess with our retirement just because hanna changed her mind. and i know part of her decision change is because of the constant competition our daughters have had growing up. aita for thinking everything should stick to the original plan? my wife disagrees with me. [/INST] yta wtf. you took 15k from a fund you promised one daughter to pay for the other daughters wedding and have the nerve to tell her to suck it up? that is incredibly fucked up. you are essentially penalizing your daughter for your own excess spending. </s>
AITA for ransacking my boyfriend’s apartment?	i (f25) have been with my boyfriend “jake” (m34) for 8 months. things were fine until i (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago. since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective. i immediately told him to cut that shit out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better. anyway, i have a friend in mexico who is getting married. i’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago. however, jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go. he says mexico is too dangerous, even though i’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak spanish, have friends there, and know my way around. no matter what i say, he doesn’t want me to go. then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand. i’m supposed to go tomorrow, so i wouldn’t have time to get a new one. i looked everywhere, no luck. when i asked jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but i dismissed it because i couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going. but he’s been giving me some red flags, so i decided to have a thorough look around. when he went out this morning, i started going through everything. as i searched, i became increasingly certain that he took my passport. i started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, i became a lot less careful. i started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess. but i found it. it was behind some books on the bookcase in his study. i never go into his study. he definitely put it there. now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place. he said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to “go crazy.”i’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and i don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back. this is only my third serious relationship, and i have no perspective on this kind of thing. aita for “overreacting” and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place?	25,792	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u0srja/aita_for_ransacking_my_boyfriends_apartment/	2022-04-10 22:28:55	nta.move out immediately and don’t look back. this is the start of an abusive relationship he is starting lightly with the controlling so that you get used to it. that you even question that you are an ah for looking for your passport that he stole means that he is already succeeding. for your future safety run. you are not in so deep that you can’t get out.	nta his behaviour is controlling and unacceptable. your passport is not a small thing and you should be able to trust that important belongings are safe in your home. please seriously consider ending this relationship, he is showing you what your future will be like with him.	nta! even if you are in a relationship, the partner never has the right to do this kind of things to you!!!!! he stole your propery, he lied about it and then he victimized! nooo, gurl. leave him. this is not how relationships work. we all have our fair shares of arguments during a lifetime, but this is crossing the personal boundaries and also illegal.	nta. and run. there was no reason for him to take the passport in the first place except to keep you from going...leaving you out of all the cash you spent, isolating you from friends. he's trying to control you, and calling you "crazy" because you discovered the truth and he's trying to make you doubt it and yourself. run.	here's some perspective. your boyfriend is escalating. he's starting to do bigger and bigger things. there are hundreds of stories on this subreddit, on r/relationships, and any number of other places on this website, where it starts exactly like this. he started with small attempts at controlling you, and he's trying to move into gaslighting you. if the pattern holds, the real abuse comes next. hundreds of stories, with this exact pattern. it's not a coincidence. this is something you cannot possibly take seriously enough. at least he's only your boyfriend. it's easy to get out of this right now, and i strongly suggest you do. nta	nta. run. now. don’t go back to his apartment. in fact, stay in mexico till you have somewhere else to stay. i understand you’re unsure so here’s your validation. he’s controlling. it’s happening fast and will not stop. stealing your passport - he would not have given it back - is highly illegal, immoral, dangerous behaviour. now he’s gaslighting you saying you were “crazy”. after you caught him stealing your passport. do not stay with this man.	what's crazy is him hiding the passport in the first place. of course he's going to make his actions seem innocuous and gaslight you and your friends into thinking that you're the psycho. "i was gonna give it back sheesh" no he wasn't. you're an adult. he is not your father so he needs to stop acting like it. if he thinks hiding your things is going to get you to do what he wants, then this is why he's 34 and single. nta, get a new boyfriend.	nta. and hell no, it's not normal for someone to steal your passport to try to control you.	he hid your government issued identification because you wanted to leave the country temporarily for a friend's wedding and he couldn't convince you not to. you are definitely nta for not keeping things tidy trying to find it. his reaction makes me wonder what else he is hiding. i would seriously consider removing any possessions you consider irreplaceable from his living space lest they go missing also.	so many 🚩🚩🚩nta at all. he left you no choice to search the apartments since he decided to hide your passport. he must’ve forgotten that he went through your things first when he stole & tried to hide your passport. pack up all of your things & run don’t walk away from his crazy controlling ass!!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f25) have been with my boyfriend “jake” (m34) for 8 months. things were fine until i (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago. since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective. i immediately told him to cut that shit out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better. anyway, i have a friend in mexico who is getting married. i’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago. however, jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go. he says mexico is too dangerous, even though i’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak spanish, have friends there, and know my way around. no matter what i say, he doesn’t want me to go. then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand. i’m supposed to go tomorrow, so i wouldn’t have time to get a new one. i looked everywhere, no luck. when i asked jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but i dismissed it because i couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going. but he’s been giving me some red flags, so i decided to have a thorough look around. when he went out this morning, i started going through everything. as i searched, i became increasingly certain that he took my passport. i started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, i became a lot less careful. i started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess. but i found it. it was behind some books on the bookcase in his study. i never go into his study. he definitely put it there. now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place. he said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to “go crazy.”i’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and i don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back. this is only my third serious relationship, and i have no perspective on this kind of thing. aita for “overreacting” and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (f25) have been with my boyfriend “jake” (m34) for 8 months. things were fine until i (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago. since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective. i immediately told him to cut that shit out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better. anyway, i have a friend in mexico who is getting married. i’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago. however, jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go. he says mexico is too dangerous, even though i’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak spanish, have friends there, and know my way around. no matter what i say, he doesn’t want me to go. then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand. i’m supposed to go tomorrow, so i wouldn’t have time to get a new one. i looked everywhere, no luck. when i asked jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but i dismissed it because i couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going. but he’s been giving me some red flags, so i decided to have a thorough look around. when he went out this morning, i started going through everything. as i searched, i became increasingly certain that he took my passport. i started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, i became a lot less careful. i started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess. but i found it. it was behind some books on the bookcase in his study. i never go into his study. he definitely put it there. now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place. he said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to “go crazy.”i’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and i don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back. this is only my third serious relationship, and i have no perspective on this kind of thing. aita for “overreacting” and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place? [/INST] nta.move out immediately and don’t look back. this is the start of an abusive relationship he is starting lightly with the controlling so that you get used to it. that you even question that you are an ah for looking for your passport that he stole means that he is already succeeding. for your future safety run. you are not in so deep that you can’t get out. </s>
AITA for Naming my daughter "after" the woman my dad cheated with?	it's a clickbaity title but hear me out. the year i was born my dad had an affair with a woman named catalina. it was an affair that lasted arround 3 months and almost broke up my parents marriage. i wasn't aware of the fact till very recently. i am pregnant and am expecting a girl. last night when i was talking to my mom she asked me if we had thought of any names. i tell her that i have always wanted to name my daughter catalina as i think the name is beautiful. my mom is very serious and insists that we can not name her that and to please think of something new. i said no i love that name and so does bf. my mom breaks down and tells me the story. now i am conflicted. because i love that name and i dont want to resign... but i would inflicting emotional damage on my mom. bf tells me mom has to get over it. because it is our daughter but my aunt tells me that i should think about her and her feelings. i am leaning towards naming my daughter catalina. aita??? edit : some people are saying i am not consistent because i called a person character. it's just the translation that popped up when i searched it. the name is so important to us because catalina was the woman that took me in overseas and introduced me to bf and died a couple of moths ago. edit2:i think i am ta here. i will talk to both my mom and bf and see if we can settle for catalina as a middle name edit3: a commet pointed out that my catalina would not want this. i think they are completely right. i will talk to bf and rather than the middle name we can find like a short name like cat to give her the essence of the name but not the name that would hurt my mom. thanks for your help even if some comments were mean spirited. update : i had lunch with my mom and showed her this post and your responses. she was horrified by some things you guys said (some of the meaner things like i don't care about my mom and that i am a horrible human being and even one saying my mom will tell my daughter someday the meaning behind her name because she is vindictive.) it was a nice conclusion to the topic. my mom herself liked the idea of the middle name very much and insisted we keep it as she doenst want to deprive my boyfriend from that choice. and yesterday evening we decided we are going to use my mom's second name as the first name for my daughter (a thing wich brought her to tears). all in all she doenst want my father's ex affair to have a grip on her life any longer and did indeed decide to take up therapy after her breakdown. so our life's are better than ever. she got the big secret off her shoulders, i will not be attempting to make amends with my father and my mom is giving her happiness a shot. thanks for all your help guys!	7,113	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c0rq5x/aita_for_naming_my_daughter_after_the_woman_my/	2019-06-15 01:11:50	yta. i know it's your kid and you can choose any name you wish but do you really want your mom to be reminded of something emotionally painful every time she sees or hears her name?	yta. why the heck would you insist on naming your daughter with the same name that reminds your mother of the worst period in her life? especially when there’s no real reason other than “you like it”? that’s incredibly selfish of both you and your bf. your mother will want to cry literally every team she sees your granddaughter. why do that to both of them? how hard is it to find any other name?	yta i was named after a woman my dad had been with, while my brother was named after a dude that my mom had been with. we grew up hating our names because of this, always knowing that every time one parent would say our names, it brought up super unpleasant memories for the other. don't inflict that kind of thing on your kid, that you eventually have to explain when she questions why grandma gets all sad and teary eyed every time she hears the granddaughter's name.	yta if even after your mother told you a story that was clearly painful to her you still name her that.	okay, here's the thing... i don't think you'd be the asshole for naming your daughter that. but, i also think your mother's emotional pain may show through to your daughter, or at the very least add a negative taste every time she says her name... and i feel like doing that to your daughter kinda makes you the asshole. i'm going to say nah for now, but honestly, i don't think you should name your daughter that. it's a lot of needless emotional turmoil for your mom, dad, and possibly your daughter if your mother isn't able to fully hide the heartache over the name. i would try to find something else if you can... there are tons of pretty names out there that won't destroy your poor mother. though, again, i don't think your an asshole for liking it without knowing.	yta. there are very few situations where i'd say someone should change the name they plan for their baby. this is definitely one of them.	i don’t want to say this but...yta... that affair could have potential broken up your family back then. also just looking at your daughter would remind her (mother) of that time her whole world was crashing and broken because of this. also how would your daughter feel if you brought her over to visit your parents and your mother could not bare being in the same room with her because people are saying her name and all your mother could think about is that period in her life. do you really want your daughter to be a walking, talking reminder? and potentially feel unloved by her grandmother, even though she (grandmother) will her unconditional. idk...maybe think of another name for her.	yta. when i was naming my daughter it took way less than that to taint one of the names on my list and i am surprised this doesn't change your mind at all. i think if you choose this name your daughter won't be thrilled when she hears this story either. and isn't it important to you that she has a great relationship with her grandmother? i wouldn't want to do anything that could adversely affect that.	yta there's an infinite number of names, only one brings up horrible memories for your mother. frankly, it's not going to matter to the kid, eventually it'll stop mattering to you. but it will always matter to her. going through with that is kinda a betrayal to her, you're telling your mom that your frivolous name choice is more important than her to you. the fact you're still considering it at all is pretty messed up, regardless of how pretty you feel it is. clearly not everyone with that name is so.	yta. jesus, that's cold. wow. 2 trillion other names and you picked that one.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.010125	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: it's a clickbaity title but hear me out. the year i was born my dad had an affair with a woman named catalina. it was an affair that lasted arround 3 months and almost broke up my parents marriage. i wasn't aware of the fact till very recently. i am pregnant and am expecting a girl. last night when i was talking to my mom she asked me if we had thought of any names. i tell her that i have always wanted to name my daughter catalina as i think the name is beautiful. my mom is very serious and insists that we can not name her that and to please think of something new. i said no i love that name and so does bf. my mom breaks down and tells me the story. now i am conflicted. because i love that name and i dont want to resign... but i would inflicting emotional damage on my mom. bf tells me mom has to get over it. because it is our daughter but my aunt tells me that i should think about her and her feelings. i am leaning towards naming my daughter catalina. aita??? edit : some people are saying i am not consistent because i called a person character. it's just the translation that popped up when i searched it. the name is so important to us because catalina was the woman that took me in overseas and introduced me to bf and died a couple of moths ago. edit2:i think i am ta here. i will talk to both my mom and bf and see if we can settle for catalina as a middle name edit3: a commet pointed out that my catalina would not want this. i think they are completely right. i will talk to bf and rather than the middle name we can find like a short name like cat to give her the essence of the name but not the name that would hurt my mom. thanks for your help even if some comments were mean spirited. update : i had lunch with my mom and showed her this post and your responses. she was horrified by some things you guys said (some of the meaner things like i don't care about my mom and that i am a horrible human being and even one saying my mom will tell my daughter someday the meaning behind her name because she is vindictive.) it was a nice conclusion to the topic. my mom herself liked the idea of the middle name very much and insisted we keep it as she doenst want to deprive my boyfriend from that choice. and yesterday evening we decided we are going to use my mom's second name as the first name for my daughter (a thing wich brought her to tears). all in all she doenst want my father's ex affair to have a grip on her life any longer and did indeed decide to take up therapy after her breakdown. so our life's are better than ever. she got the big secret off her shoulders, i will not be attempting to make amends with my father and my mom is giving her happiness a shot. thanks for all your help guys!	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> it's a clickbaity title but hear me out. the year i was born my dad had an affair with a woman named catalina. it was an affair that lasted arround 3 months and almost broke up my parents marriage. i wasn't aware of the fact till very recently. i am pregnant and am expecting a girl. last night when i was talking to my mom she asked me if we had thought of any names. i tell her that i have always wanted to name my daughter catalina as i think the name is beautiful. my mom is very serious and insists that we can not name her that and to please think of something new. i said no i love that name and so does bf. my mom breaks down and tells me the story. now i am conflicted. because i love that name and i dont want to resign... but i would inflicting emotional damage on my mom. bf tells me mom has to get over it. because it is our daughter but my aunt tells me that i should think about her and her feelings. i am leaning towards naming my daughter catalina. aita??? edit : some people are saying i am not consistent because i called a person character. it's just the translation that popped up when i searched it. the name is so important to us because catalina was the woman that took me in overseas and introduced me to bf and died a couple of moths ago. edit2:i think i am ta here. i will talk to both my mom and bf and see if we can settle for catalina as a middle name edit3: a commet pointed out that my catalina would not want this. i think they are completely right. i will talk to bf and rather than the middle name we can find like a short name like cat to give her the essence of the name but not the name that would hurt my mom. thanks for your help even if some comments were mean spirited. update : i had lunch with my mom and showed her this post and your responses. she was horrified by some things you guys said (some of the meaner things like i don't care about my mom and that i am a horrible human being and even one saying my mom will tell my daughter someday the meaning behind her name because she is vindictive.) it was a nice conclusion to the topic. my mom herself liked the idea of the middle name very much and insisted we keep it as she doenst want to deprive my boyfriend from that choice. and yesterday evening we decided we are going to use my mom's second name as the first name for my daughter (a thing wich brought her to tears). all in all she doenst want my father's ex affair to have a grip on her life any longer and did indeed decide to take up therapy after her breakdown. so our life's are better than ever. she got the big secret off her shoulders, i will not be attempting to make amends with my father and my mom is giving her happiness a shot. thanks for all your help guys! [/INST] yta. i know it's your kid and you can choose any name you wish but do you really want your mom to be reminded of something emotionally painful every time she sees or hears her name? </s>
AITA for telling my husband he can’t be mad at our daughter and for also not being mad over a situation I saw coming, told him to prevent but he wouldn’t?	my husband’s sister passed away 10 years ago, quite unexpectedly. she was my husband’s only sibling and it took a toll on him, it’s a sensitive issue. when we had our daughter, his mother gave us boxes of his sister’s old toys because sister had always said she wanted to pass her toys to her own kids, but passed before she had any. this included a collection of collector barbies that were still in the box. if you don’t know about these, they hold their value and are worth a lot. we gave my daughter the unboxed toys as she got older these past 5 years. i always said we should store the collector dolls until she was older. mil agreed. this year, our daughter turned 5. for her birthday, we got her a new bed and redesigned her room. my husband decided to put all of the collector dolls on shelves for “decoration”. i told him this was a mistake. even though she’s 5, she doesn’t quite get the difference between these and her regular, playable barbies. even after we explained it to her, she was asking when they could come out of the box. my husband still insisted they’d be fine. she barely plays in her room anyway, she has a playroom. i said fine, but i know if they get ruined, he’ll be crushed. we had another baby last year. i was trying to get him to calm down the other day and my daughter was making a lot of noise. i asked her to take some toys into her room and play quietly. she said okay. when i went to check on her 15 minutes later, she had managed to get a collector barbie off the shelf, torn the box and had severely damaged the barbie by trying to get it out of the wires. my husband was so mad at her. i told him he had no right to be, because she’s still too young to get it. i said they were sentimental and it’ll take time for her to get that she can’t play with toys we put in her room. my husband said i was an ass for not backing him up and that i was making excuses for her. i took all the dolls out of the room and said she’d get them back when she was older. my daughter feels so bad and i hate that my husband set her up to feel this way. he’s calmed down but still thinks i’m wrong for not getting upset with her. who’s wrong here?	20,781	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fj8crc/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_cant_be_mad_at_our/	2020-03-15 20:53:39	nta. >my husband was so mad at her. your husband needs a reality check and an education book on child development. children that age do not understand "sentimental value" when it comes to toys. hell, there are a lot of adults who don't understand it. from young kids' perspectives, toys are for playing.	nta: "here 5 year old, i'm going to put all these cool toys in your room, within your reach and you can't play with them" \-surprised pikachu face-	nta. you warned him, after all, and your daughter isn't exactly at fault here, given her age. still, it is hard to get over losing sentimental things, so he was probably just lashing out in the moment.	nta. the same thing happened to me!!!! my parents are both alllll about comics. when the barbie superhero females came out they bought me all of them for decoration because they're also collectors and thought that would be a great way to get me to start. one day my dad wakes up and hears me playing in my room super early in the morning. he goes to check on me, and all the dolls are out of their boxes with clothing and stuff already removed. my poison ivy doll had a brush stuck in her hair (curly plastic hair is hard to brush out lol), two of the dolls had their clothing switched. etc he was absolutely crushed! but he says that i saw him and excitedly told him "look daddy" with the biggest smile holding up my new toys. i was so happy that he couldn't bring himself to be upset and basically just wrote it off as a "worth it" loss. now that i'm older he brings it up every now and then and is still completely baffled as to how i even got my hand on them in the first place because they had been at the very top of my bookshelf that was almost ceiling high. (i was only about 5 years old too)	nta. i feel like your husbands anger is probably just misdirected, but the situation should have been clear from the get-go. if there was such value attached to them, they should have been stored safely and properly, not in a kid's room, at least until she was older.	nta your husband is the adult; your daughter is the child. a 5 year old doesn’t have the capability to understand why those dolls can’t be played with. i don’t know why your husband insisted on putting those barbies where she could get at them if he was going to be upset if anything happened to them. i can see why your husband is upset, and i think he deserves some compassion; but still has to accept his role in the damage caused.	nta. this totally reminds me of a situation with my mother. we got a dog and were training her to not grab clothes from the dirty laundry bin, she would do this pretty often and drag the clothes outside and roughy them up in the mud. my mom gave her old socks to play with to “deter her from taking the good clothes.” i said that she’s a dog, if you encourage her to play with socks, she’ll think all socks are toys and keep playing in the laundry bin. guess who found socks in the backyard for weeks? i don’t mean to be offensive by comparing children to dogs. i’m just saying, if it looks like a toy, they’re going to treat it like a toy.	nta - she is a child, she might be 5 but still, she is a child you warned him, mil agreed they should be put away she did what kids do, you told him that i understand he feels hurt because of the sentiment behind them, but he has no right to be pissed at your young child, for doing exactly what you knew she would do	you're nta apart from maybe allowing your husband to put your daughter in a situation she was bound to fail at. 5 years old is way too young to understand that toys in her room are not to be played with. heck, giving something to an adult and telling them they can't use it is pretty tough, that's some basic "pandora's box" shit. he is more of t a. for her father to place her in this situation then for her to be punished emotionally is a cruelty.	nta. though, as a former kid that had a massive shelf of unboxed collector barbies herself (plus original cabbage patch kids and a ton of collectors toys from fast food meals), their resale value is massively dependent on their release, special edition, etc. for example, an original 60s fashion model or solo in the spotlight mint in box could fetch you a lot. a special edition collector's reproduction from the 90s is worth significantly less. holiday barbies were mass produced; even the 80s and 90s holiday barbies only net a significant amount of money if they are sold as a collection, and the state of the box is a pretty large sticking point with collectors. even bob mackie barbies can be iffy on the collectors market. it may be worth finding out exactly what, if any value is attached to them, and maybe letting her play with ones that won't appreciate in value. it really sucks having a room full of toys you can't play with because your parents are telling you you'll thank them when you can sell them off as an adult.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband’s sister passed away 10 years ago, quite unexpectedly. she was my husband’s only sibling and it took a toll on him, it’s a sensitive issue. when we had our daughter, his mother gave us boxes of his sister’s old toys because sister had always said she wanted to pass her toys to her own kids, but passed before she had any. this included a collection of collector barbies that were still in the box. if you don’t know about these, they hold their value and are worth a lot. we gave my daughter the unboxed toys as she got older these past 5 years. i always said we should store the collector dolls until she was older. mil agreed. this year, our daughter turned 5. for her birthday, we got her a new bed and redesigned her room. my husband decided to put all of the collector dolls on shelves for “decoration”. i told him this was a mistake. even though she’s 5, she doesn’t quite get the difference between these and her regular, playable barbies. even after we explained it to her, she was asking when they could come out of the box. my husband still insisted they’d be fine. she barely plays in her room anyway, she has a playroom. i said fine, but i know if they get ruined, he’ll be crushed. we had another baby last year. i was trying to get him to calm down the other day and my daughter was making a lot of noise. i asked her to take some toys into her room and play quietly. she said okay. when i went to check on her 15 minutes later, she had managed to get a collector barbie off the shelf, torn the box and had severely damaged the barbie by trying to get it out of the wires. my husband was so mad at her. i told him he had no right to be, because she’s still too young to get it. i said they were sentimental and it’ll take time for her to get that she can’t play with toys we put in her room. my husband said i was an ass for not backing him up and that i was making excuses for her. i took all the dolls out of the room and said she’d get them back when she was older. my daughter feels so bad and i hate that my husband set her up to feel this way. he’s calmed down but still thinks i’m wrong for not getting upset with her. who’s wrong here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband’s sister passed away 10 years ago, quite unexpectedly. she was my husband’s only sibling and it took a toll on him, it’s a sensitive issue. when we had our daughter, his mother gave us boxes of his sister’s old toys because sister had always said she wanted to pass her toys to her own kids, but passed before she had any. this included a collection of collector barbies that were still in the box. if you don’t know about these, they hold their value and are worth a lot. we gave my daughter the unboxed toys as she got older these past 5 years. i always said we should store the collector dolls until she was older. mil agreed. this year, our daughter turned 5. for her birthday, we got her a new bed and redesigned her room. my husband decided to put all of the collector dolls on shelves for “decoration”. i told him this was a mistake. even though she’s 5, she doesn’t quite get the difference between these and her regular, playable barbies. even after we explained it to her, she was asking when they could come out of the box. my husband still insisted they’d be fine. she barely plays in her room anyway, she has a playroom. i said fine, but i know if they get ruined, he’ll be crushed. we had another baby last year. i was trying to get him to calm down the other day and my daughter was making a lot of noise. i asked her to take some toys into her room and play quietly. she said okay. when i went to check on her 15 minutes later, she had managed to get a collector barbie off the shelf, torn the box and had severely damaged the barbie by trying to get it out of the wires. my husband was so mad at her. i told him he had no right to be, because she’s still too young to get it. i said they were sentimental and it’ll take time for her to get that she can’t play with toys we put in her room. my husband said i was an ass for not backing him up and that i was making excuses for her. i took all the dolls out of the room and said she’d get them back when she was older. my daughter feels so bad and i hate that my husband set her up to feel this way. he’s calmed down but still thinks i’m wrong for not getting upset with her. who’s wrong here? [/INST] nta. >my husband was so mad at her. your husband needs a reality check and an education book on child development. children that age do not understand "sentimental value" when it comes to toys. hell, there are a lot of adults who don't understand it. from young kids' perspectives, toys are for playing. </s>
AITA for being uncomfortable with my gf being naked around her dog?	my (33m) girlfriend (30) hates clothes. to the point where she has actively researched nudists colonies and if it wasn't for having to occasionally go into the office, she would have moved there long before she met me. so, she's always naked around the house. which, for me? it's hella nice. she's got a rockin bod. the issue is her two year old dog. the dog is a super cute and fluffy great pyrenees, very will trained, 10/10 a good girl. my gf was there when her friend brought the heavily pregnant mom home from the pound, was there at the birth, and fell in love immediately. she sees that dog as the closest thing she'll ever have to a kid due to medical issues. however, my gf is just always naked at home. playing with the dog? naked. cuddling on the couch? naked. she keeps a slip dress by the door for walks, but otherwise, naked. and it's weird, right? i tried to be subtle, but finally the other day i sat down with her and pointed out that yes, she's trained the dog to not sniff human butts, but it's still like something out of an illegal adult movie for her to be naked with an animal all the time. wow, she got pissed, and asked me to leave. i tried to talk sense into her, but she wasn't listening to it. i finally left her house, and once i got back to my apartment i tried texting one of her friends, but she blew up at me saying i was an ass. my gf is now radio silence. am i the asshole here?	9,302	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otjr77/aita_for_being_uncomfortable_with_my_gf_being/	2021-07-28 21:42:59	yta. you basically just accused your girlfriend of having sex with her dog. how are you not in the wrong here	> i tried to talk sense into her you're lacking the prerequisite for this. yta.	yta. 1. you made a very strange comment implying some sort of bestial or inappropriate relationship with a dog. just...sit with that for a bit. 2. you doubled down instead of apologizing. she didn't need it explained to her. she's not dumb. she disagrees with your opinion. 3. she kicked you out. you, instead of accepting she didn't want to talk to you, messaged a friend to try to get access to her. creepy, dude. that's creepy. yes, yta.	you know the dog is naked too, right? yta	wow. imagine telling the entire internet that you're so fragile and insecure that you're jealous of a dog ... yep. yta	you accused your girlfriend of beastiality because she doesn't like clothes? that's a hell of an escalation,how did you expect her to react? yta.	yta. why are you sexualizing a dog?	yta, i’m confused what’s wrong with being naked around a dog. they don’t know the difference.	yta you basically accused her of beastialty. dogs are naked all the time, they don't care if we're naked or fully clothed. it makes 0 difference to them	info are you aware that dogs are also naked all the time? do you feel like the dog should also wear clothes anytime your gf is in the room?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (33m) girlfriend (30) hates clothes. to the point where she has actively researched nudists colonies and if it wasn't for having to occasionally go into the office, she would have moved there long before she met me. so, she's always naked around the house. which, for me? it's hella nice. she's got a rockin bod. the issue is her two year old dog. the dog is a super cute and fluffy great pyrenees, very will trained, 10/10 a good girl. my gf was there when her friend brought the heavily pregnant mom home from the pound, was there at the birth, and fell in love immediately. she sees that dog as the closest thing she'll ever have to a kid due to medical issues. however, my gf is just always naked at home. playing with the dog? naked. cuddling on the couch? naked. she keeps a slip dress by the door for walks, but otherwise, naked. and it's weird, right? i tried to be subtle, but finally the other day i sat down with her and pointed out that yes, she's trained the dog to not sniff human butts, but it's still like something out of an illegal adult movie for her to be naked with an animal all the time. wow, she got pissed, and asked me to leave. i tried to talk sense into her, but she wasn't listening to it. i finally left her house, and once i got back to my apartment i tried texting one of her friends, but she blew up at me saying i was an ass. my gf is now radio silence. am i the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (33m) girlfriend (30) hates clothes. to the point where she has actively researched nudists colonies and if it wasn't for having to occasionally go into the office, she would have moved there long before she met me. so, she's always naked around the house. which, for me? it's hella nice. she's got a rockin bod. the issue is her two year old dog. the dog is a super cute and fluffy great pyrenees, very will trained, 10/10 a good girl. my gf was there when her friend brought the heavily pregnant mom home from the pound, was there at the birth, and fell in love immediately. she sees that dog as the closest thing she'll ever have to a kid due to medical issues. however, my gf is just always naked at home. playing with the dog? naked. cuddling on the couch? naked. she keeps a slip dress by the door for walks, but otherwise, naked. and it's weird, right? i tried to be subtle, but finally the other day i sat down with her and pointed out that yes, she's trained the dog to not sniff human butts, but it's still like something out of an illegal adult movie for her to be naked with an animal all the time. wow, she got pissed, and asked me to leave. i tried to talk sense into her, but she wasn't listening to it. i finally left her house, and once i got back to my apartment i tried texting one of her friends, but she blew up at me saying i was an ass. my gf is now radio silence. am i the asshole here? [/INST] yta. you basically just accused your girlfriend of having sex with her dog. how are you not in the wrong here </s>
AITA for showering my niece?	obligatory "longtime lurker, first time poster" disclaimer. also a heads up i personally find this whole situation fucking ridiculous but enough people are mad at me that i feel like i'm losing my goddamn mind trying to figure out what i actually did wrong. so last weekend i [25m] was watching my niece [3f]. i have a daughter [5f] myself and she loves when my niece comes over to play as she doesn't have any siblings yet and it's fun for her to have another kid about. on this particular day, the girls were playing outside and decided to make mudpies. okay cool, my kid does that shit a lot. what was less cool was when they apparently decided to become mudpies. seriously i went inside for like a minute to answer the phone and when i came back they were both head to toe covered in mud and finding it hilarious. i immediately whisked them both inside and threw them in the shower together. i helped them wash their hair, made sure they had a proper wash and then gave my niece some old clothes of my daughters in her size to wear while i washed hers. i thought this was the best course of action in the situation - honestly i didn't even think twice about doing it. my sil does not agree. she keeps saying that it's "weird and creepy" for me to have showered her daughter as a man who isn't her father and that i should've called her to okay it first. that mindset is kinda confusing to me. like, she's a 3 y/o toddler, she's in a shower with my own 5 y/o kid who i always supervise at bathtime lest my bathroom turn into the lost city of atlantis. plus, what was i supposed to do? let her sit covered in mud til somoene could come get her? however, my brother and both her mother and mine seem to agree that it was at least a bit weird for me to shower her when i'm a man and not her dad. are they right and i'm missing the point or am i right that there's nothing weird about it?	19,081	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c41y2n/aita_for_showering_my_niece/	2019-06-23 09:51:19	nta - the kid was covered in mud, so you washed her. that seems pretty sensible to me. however, since your brother and sil have now said they’re not okay with that, you need to respect that going forward (even if you disagree). you’d be ta if you did it again after her parents have expressed they don’t want you to. i’d be tempted to let them make mud pies again next time she comes to visit, and see what her parents say when they have to take her home covered in mud...	nta and if your sil is so ready to believe the worst of you why tf is she letting you watch her kid in the first place?!	nta- i cant stress this enough! and a hughe wtf?! to your family. if anything is creepy its sexulise a 3 y.o. i know america has its issues with nudity and prudity but realy, what the acctual fuck. i am speechless. not only is she a toddler(!) she is your family! since when did we get so scared shitless that we rather have out kids wallow in filth than let family with their own young kids wash them?! this is just absurd, and i hope you let them know that.	nta but they’re making it real weird.	nta. people are so quick to jump to "eww creepy" when it's blatantly innocent. doesn't sound like it would have been an issue for a woman, which is ridiculous. my uncles wouldn't have thought twice about doing this - there's even a photo of me as a kid in the bath with my male cousin (both aged about 2-3) that is pretty funny (you can't see anything) (edit as hit post too soon)	nta but don't babysit someone's kid who doesn't trust you. tell them that flat out. anyone calling you weird in this scenario is the a-hole	nta if it were a woman showering their mud-crusted niece or nephew with their own child, no one would question it.	nta: if you were anyone but a family member it'd be creepy. there are situations where it'd be creepy even as a family member, but throwing 2 girls in to take a shower after spinning in mudpies is the most normal thing int he world when you have small kids. tbh i'd be offended they are even thinking that way about you. i get the concern(more than most) but i'd be more concerned if you'd tried to hide it. someone who is open and honest about things like that aren't usually the ones who are doing bad things.	no my friend, you are not missing the point. had you not showered the child you would be dealing with a similar outrage. people just love a trigger point. nta	next time on r/maliciouscompliance - op delivers muddy 3yo to parents	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: obligatory "longtime lurker, first time poster" disclaimer. also a heads up i personally find this whole situation fucking ridiculous but enough people are mad at me that i feel like i'm losing my goddamn mind trying to figure out what i actually did wrong. so last weekend i [25m] was watching my niece [3f]. i have a daughter [5f] myself and she loves when my niece comes over to play as she doesn't have any siblings yet and it's fun for her to have another kid about. on this particular day, the girls were playing outside and decided to make mudpies. okay cool, my kid does that shit a lot. what was less cool was when they apparently decided to become mudpies. seriously i went inside for like a minute to answer the phone and when i came back they were both head to toe covered in mud and finding it hilarious. i immediately whisked them both inside and threw them in the shower together. i helped them wash their hair, made sure they had a proper wash and then gave my niece some old clothes of my daughters in her size to wear while i washed hers. i thought this was the best course of action in the situation - honestly i didn't even think twice about doing it. my sil does not agree. she keeps saying that it's "weird and creepy" for me to have showered her daughter as a man who isn't her father and that i should've called her to okay it first. that mindset is kinda confusing to me. like, she's a 3 y/o toddler, she's in a shower with my own 5 y/o kid who i always supervise at bathtime lest my bathroom turn into the lost city of atlantis. plus, what was i supposed to do? let her sit covered in mud til somoene could come get her? however, my brother and both her mother and mine seem to agree that it was at least a bit weird for me to shower her when i'm a man and not her dad. are they right and i'm missing the point or am i right that there's nothing weird about it?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> obligatory "longtime lurker, first time poster" disclaimer. also a heads up i personally find this whole situation fucking ridiculous but enough people are mad at me that i feel like i'm losing my goddamn mind trying to figure out what i actually did wrong. so last weekend i [25m] was watching my niece [3f]. i have a daughter [5f] myself and she loves when my niece comes over to play as she doesn't have any siblings yet and it's fun for her to have another kid about. on this particular day, the girls were playing outside and decided to make mudpies. okay cool, my kid does that shit a lot. what was less cool was when they apparently decided to become mudpies. seriously i went inside for like a minute to answer the phone and when i came back they were both head to toe covered in mud and finding it hilarious. i immediately whisked them both inside and threw them in the shower together. i helped them wash their hair, made sure they had a proper wash and then gave my niece some old clothes of my daughters in her size to wear while i washed hers. i thought this was the best course of action in the situation - honestly i didn't even think twice about doing it. my sil does not agree. she keeps saying that it's "weird and creepy" for me to have showered her daughter as a man who isn't her father and that i should've called her to okay it first. that mindset is kinda confusing to me. like, she's a 3 y/o toddler, she's in a shower with my own 5 y/o kid who i always supervise at bathtime lest my bathroom turn into the lost city of atlantis. plus, what was i supposed to do? let her sit covered in mud til somoene could come get her? however, my brother and both her mother and mine seem to agree that it was at least a bit weird for me to shower her when i'm a man and not her dad. are they right and i'm missing the point or am i right that there's nothing weird about it? [/INST] nta - the kid was covered in mud, so you washed her. that seems pretty sensible to me. however, since your brother and sil have now said they’re not okay with that, you need to respect that going forward (even if you disagree). you’d be ta if you did it again after her parents have expressed they don’t want you to. i’d be tempted to let them make mud pies again next time she comes to visit, and see what her parents say when they have to take her home covered in mud... </s>
AITA for returning my stepdaughter's birthday gift because she didn't save a cupcake for my daughter?	i'm, f33 engaged to my fiance, m36. i have a 4yo daughter and he has a 16 yo daughter. he comes from a conservative family so we won't move in together til after marriage. so far we're on good terms as a blended family. but i noticed that my stepdaughter acts kind of distant towards my daughter. everytime i try to talk to my fiance about it he'd tell me to give the kids a chance to bond and warm up to each other. my stepdaughter's 16th birthday took place on sunday. since she's into baking. she decided to bake cupcakes instead of having an actual birthday cake. my daughter and i went over to my fiance's house to attend the party and i brought my stepdaughter a gift which was an iphone. we sat down as she started serving everyone cupcakes. then when it was my daughter's turn, she bluntly said she was sorry but she didn't save any for my daughter. i felt confused, i asked if she made enough cupcakes and wether there were guests that came uninvited. she said no and that she just didn't make one for my daughter. i asked why, she refused to say. i was so mad and felt hurt on my daughter's behalf. i got up and told my fiance that i wanted to leave. my fiance tried to stop me and offered his cupcake to my daughter but i refused to take it. on the way out, i grabbed the gift i brought for my stepdaughter and she stood there and watched. i could hear her yell "dad she took the iphone" while i was walking out with my daughter. my fiance tried to get me to go back inside but i refused. later, he came over and we had an argument. he said that i overreacted, and that i know how some teenagers can be moody and do random stuff without an explanation so i shouldn't have taken it personally. i said she excluded my daughter and didn't save her a cupcake but he said it was just a cupcake and then reminded me that he offered his cupcake and said i should've accepted it and called it a day. he said taking the iphone which was supposed to be a gift back was poor taste and it might hurt my relationship with his daughter. i refused to give it to him so he could give it to her since she was crying about it. he left and was mad at me. we haven't talked since then except via texts. edit# she's been wanting the iphone for a while and since her dad couldn't buy it i decided it'd be nice if i gifted it to her. for those who are asking how a teenager could own an iphone. ???? i'm sorry if it's uncommon where you live but where i live, iphones are the most common phones. also, i saw that she served her girlfriend a whole plate of cupcakes so it's not like she baked a specific number.	20,655	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y2exrh/aita_for_returning_my_stepdaughters_birthday_gift/	2022-10-12 20:43:29	nta. and don't marry this man. he will clearly expect you to cater to his child, at the expense of your own. this is who he is, believe him and react accordingly.	you paid for an iphone? yeah. this really isn't about you being an asshole, imo. its not an overreaction when you don't feel like being disrespected and unappreciated. she left a four-year-old out on purpose? play stupid games kiddo, win stupid prizes. nta.	nta but wake up. why are you the one paying for the expensive gift??? the iphone should be a parent or grandparent gift, not from you. leaving was your only option at that point. it takes a special kind of ugly to want to exclude a 4-year old little kid from a birthday celebration. if stepdaughter can verbalize that she intentionally did not make a cupcake for your daughter, she’s old enough to understand why you left.	[removed]	nta birthday girl fucked around and found out 🤷🏿‍♀️	nta - i would way push off the marriage. to each their own but waiting until marriage to move in together sounds like a horrible idea. you’re going to have a blended family with a large age gap between kids. it’s normal for a 16yr old and 4yr old to not be the best due to the large age difference. but not saving a cupcake is intentionally hurtful. the fact that he doesn’t see what his daughter did wrong is also alarming. there’s major issues here that need to be resolved before you get married.	nta - you need to rethink this relationship. it will not get better after you are married and the 4 of you are living together. your future step-daughter deliberately made cupcakes for everyone except for a four year old. she knew exactly what she was doing. that's rude and awful and horrible. i would have taken the phone back too, and not gone back until that teenager apologized to my daughter. i don't know if she's doing this to try to break you two up, but your fiancé should have had your back on this one. the fact that he did nothing to correct his daughter's atrocious behavior is telling. edit to add the following because i re-read it and got angrier. consider this. a 16yo is crying because a phone was taken away from her because of her behavior. she's upset because of the consequences of her actions - play stupid games, win stupid prizes. but the 4yo did nothing except attend a party and get completely overlooked. she's the one who should be crying. that's where your fiancé's focus should be.	i don't think you guys should get married.	nta. she knew exactly what she was doing. bet she didn't think it was cute when she realized she wouldn't be getting the iphone. you might want to rethink that engagement if this is indicative of how your fiance and his daughter will treat you and your child.	let me get this straight. she purposely excluded your daughter when baking her cupcakes, but won't go all the way and exclude your daughter from giving her a gift? selfish brat. also, your fiance has just given you a gift at this party too. he gave you a crystal ball, which has shown you ahead of time what your life is going to be like with how his daughter treats yours, and what he thinks is acceptable from the little entitled brat he's raising. nta - run op	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm, f33 engaged to my fiance, m36. i have a 4yo daughter and he has a 16 yo daughter. he comes from a conservative family so we won't move in together til after marriage. so far we're on good terms as a blended family. but i noticed that my stepdaughter acts kind of distant towards my daughter. everytime i try to talk to my fiance about it he'd tell me to give the kids a chance to bond and warm up to each other. my stepdaughter's 16th birthday took place on sunday. since she's into baking. she decided to bake cupcakes instead of having an actual birthday cake. my daughter and i went over to my fiance's house to attend the party and i brought my stepdaughter a gift which was an iphone. we sat down as she started serving everyone cupcakes. then when it was my daughter's turn, she bluntly said she was sorry but she didn't save any for my daughter. i felt confused, i asked if she made enough cupcakes and wether there were guests that came uninvited. she said no and that she just didn't make one for my daughter. i asked why, she refused to say. i was so mad and felt hurt on my daughter's behalf. i got up and told my fiance that i wanted to leave. my fiance tried to stop me and offered his cupcake to my daughter but i refused to take it. on the way out, i grabbed the gift i brought for my stepdaughter and she stood there and watched. i could hear her yell "dad she took the iphone" while i was walking out with my daughter. my fiance tried to get me to go back inside but i refused. later, he came over and we had an argument. he said that i overreacted, and that i know how some teenagers can be moody and do random stuff without an explanation so i shouldn't have taken it personally. i said she excluded my daughter and didn't save her a cupcake but he said it was just a cupcake and then reminded me that he offered his cupcake and said i should've accepted it and called it a day. he said taking the iphone which was supposed to be a gift back was poor taste and it might hurt my relationship with his daughter. i refused to give it to him so he could give it to her since she was crying about it. he left and was mad at me. we haven't talked since then except via texts. edit# she's been wanting the iphone for a while and since her dad couldn't buy it i decided it'd be nice if i gifted it to her. for those who are asking how a teenager could own an iphone. ???? i'm sorry if it's uncommon where you live but where i live, iphones are the most common phones. also, i saw that she served her girlfriend a whole plate of cupcakes so it's not like she baked a specific number.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm, f33 engaged to my fiance, m36. i have a 4yo daughter and he has a 16 yo daughter. he comes from a conservative family so we won't move in together til after marriage. so far we're on good terms as a blended family. but i noticed that my stepdaughter acts kind of distant towards my daughter. everytime i try to talk to my fiance about it he'd tell me to give the kids a chance to bond and warm up to each other. my stepdaughter's 16th birthday took place on sunday. since she's into baking. she decided to bake cupcakes instead of having an actual birthday cake. my daughter and i went over to my fiance's house to attend the party and i brought my stepdaughter a gift which was an iphone. we sat down as she started serving everyone cupcakes. then when it was my daughter's turn, she bluntly said she was sorry but she didn't save any for my daughter. i felt confused, i asked if she made enough cupcakes and wether there were guests that came uninvited. she said no and that she just didn't make one for my daughter. i asked why, she refused to say. i was so mad and felt hurt on my daughter's behalf. i got up and told my fiance that i wanted to leave. my fiance tried to stop me and offered his cupcake to my daughter but i refused to take it. on the way out, i grabbed the gift i brought for my stepdaughter and she stood there and watched. i could hear her yell "dad she took the iphone" while i was walking out with my daughter. my fiance tried to get me to go back inside but i refused. later, he came over and we had an argument. he said that i overreacted, and that i know how some teenagers can be moody and do random stuff without an explanation so i shouldn't have taken it personally. i said she excluded my daughter and didn't save her a cupcake but he said it was just a cupcake and then reminded me that he offered his cupcake and said i should've accepted it and called it a day. he said taking the iphone which was supposed to be a gift back was poor taste and it might hurt my relationship with his daughter. i refused to give it to him so he could give it to her since she was crying about it. he left and was mad at me. we haven't talked since then except via texts. edit# she's been wanting the iphone for a while and since her dad couldn't buy it i decided it'd be nice if i gifted it to her. for those who are asking how a teenager could own an iphone. ???? i'm sorry if it's uncommon where you live but where i live, iphones are the most common phones. also, i saw that she served her girlfriend a whole plate of cupcakes so it's not like she baked a specific number. [/INST] nta. and don't marry this man. he will clearly expect you to cater to his child, at the expense of your own. this is who he is, believe him and react accordingly. </s>
AITA for breaking up with him because of his job?	my ex was everything i wanted in a partner except for ambitious. that’s what proved to be our downfall. he was a “kitchen assistant” at his uncle’s restaurant. basically washing dishes, bussing tables, and general cleaning. i tried talking to him about looking for other work, something he could make a future in, but he was happy there. so i broke things off. i thought it best to be straight forward with him about it. he didn’t yell or cry or anything really until i had finished. then he coldly told me that he would eventually take over for his uncle when he retires and had been being trained on how to run the business for years, was that ambitious enough for me? i tried to say yes! it was literally all i wanted was to know that he had his sights set higher than washing dishes for the rest of his life, but my ex kicked me out of his apt and wouldn’t have anything to do with me afterwards. the way it all played out has always bothered me. he treated me like i was an “asshole” just because i wanted to know he had bigger plans for himself and us in the future.	6,681	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b2xmyy/aita_for_breaking_up_with_him_because_of_his_job/	2019-03-19 13:49:41	yta all you saw was someone with a job that you deemed to be beneath you. he was absolutely right to kick you to the curb since it seems like the only thing you gave a fuck about was his career choice rather than if he made you happy, if you made him happy, etc.	nta for wanting to be with someone ambitious. yta for breaking things off and trying to fix things afterwards instead of communicating better before.	yta. looks like he dodged a bullet there.	yta. > just because i wanted to know he had bigger plans for himself and us in the future you didn't want to know, you wanted him to have said plans. it's a small but big difference. and you didn't insist on that, you broke things off with him because of that.. i mean, "he was everything i wanted except for his job"....	yta. but you’re mostly ta not for breaking up with him (because everyone has that right) but for not talking to him about whether or not he has any ambitions of his own before breaking up with him. like, what a goddamn childish thing to do. have you ever heard of talking things out? making your issue known? literally all you had to do was ask him if he had any plans career-wise in the future, but you decided to jump the gun and just break up with him?	i'm in the minority, but i'm giving you a qualified nta. i don't get the impression this is about money to you, but avoid where he going in his life. if he'd been stuck there while trying to get more into a proper career, that would be one thing. but it sounded like he was happy to stay in a job that didn't seem to offer much in the way of a long term prospect. what gives me pause is that he's supposedly been working on taking over for years, and you didn't know about it. have you talked with him before about this, or did you just assume things?	nta i don't know why you're getting so many ytas. you're talking about someone you considered spending the rest of your life with, if something is a dealbreaker for you then you should be upfront about it. you discussed it with him, weren't satisfied with his answer enough to make a lifetime commitment, and broke things off. there is nothing wrong with that.	> he treated me like i was an “asshole” just because i wanted to know he had bigger plans for himself and us in the future. no, you didnt just "want to know". you demanded that he has higher ambitions. > i tried to say yes! so why didnt you? he cant kick you out of the apartment in a timeframe of 1 second, which is btw all the time it takes to say yes. &#x200b; yta for how you treated this situation. &#x200b;	>then he coldly told me that he would eventually take over for his uncle when he retires and had been being trained on how to run the business for years, was that ambitious enough for me? yeah fuckin' right. i'd have challenged him on that, not accepted it as an excuse. you dodged an excuse-making bullet. nta. you're an adult with ambitions, it's completely acceptable that you need someone who will meet you, not drag you down or hold you back. if buddy thinks "someday i'll run my uncle's kitchen" counts as ambition, boy oh boy is the world going to be hard on him.	nta you are not an asshole for wanting something better in your life, you have every right to decide- not good enough. no, you shouldn't look down on other people's jobs, but that doesn't mean you \have\ to accept a partner who only makes minimum wage, presumably without benefits, and seemingly has no intention of ever working towards more. i mean if you're cool with it cool but your not obligated to be cool with it. your partner's life choices are theirs to make and you should respect those choices free of judgment. that doesn't mean you have to accept the consequences of his decisions if they might negatively impact your life. in this case they would. life is expensive- kids, cars, houses, medical bills, insurance, taxes, retirement- adulting costs money. there is nothing wrong with wanting to make sure your potential life partner can make meaningful contributions to your household.	YTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	1	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex was everything i wanted in a partner except for ambitious. that’s what proved to be our downfall. he was a “kitchen assistant” at his uncle’s restaurant. basically washing dishes, bussing tables, and general cleaning. i tried talking to him about looking for other work, something he could make a future in, but he was happy there. so i broke things off. i thought it best to be straight forward with him about it. he didn’t yell or cry or anything really until i had finished. then he coldly told me that he would eventually take over for his uncle when he retires and had been being trained on how to run the business for years, was that ambitious enough for me? i tried to say yes! it was literally all i wanted was to know that he had his sights set higher than washing dishes for the rest of his life, but my ex kicked me out of his apt and wouldn’t have anything to do with me afterwards. the way it all played out has always bothered me. he treated me like i was an “asshole” just because i wanted to know he had bigger plans for himself and us in the future.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my ex was everything i wanted in a partner except for ambitious. that’s what proved to be our downfall. he was a “kitchen assistant” at his uncle’s restaurant. basically washing dishes, bussing tables, and general cleaning. i tried talking to him about looking for other work, something he could make a future in, but he was happy there. so i broke things off. i thought it best to be straight forward with him about it. he didn’t yell or cry or anything really until i had finished. then he coldly told me that he would eventually take over for his uncle when he retires and had been being trained on how to run the business for years, was that ambitious enough for me? i tried to say yes! it was literally all i wanted was to know that he had his sights set higher than washing dishes for the rest of his life, but my ex kicked me out of his apt and wouldn’t have anything to do with me afterwards. the way it all played out has always bothered me. he treated me like i was an “asshole” just because i wanted to know he had bigger plans for himself and us in the future. [/INST] yta all you saw was someone with a job that you deemed to be beneath you. he was absolutely right to kick you to the curb since it seems like the only thing you gave a fuck about was his career choice rather than if he made you happy, if you made him happy, etc. </s>
AITA for calling the police on my kid?	daughter is 16. her mom and i are divorced.daughter has been caught smoking pot several times from the age of 14. her mom and i have collectively punished her several times for this. the last time we caught her, i started drug testing her. her mom doesn’t agree with it, but we have caught her so many times now that i think this is the best way to prevent her from doing it. i don‘t normally go through her room, but the router for the house is in there, and i needed to reset it. when i go into her room, i found a mushroom cap on black paper hidden underneath her desk. i look up what the hell it is and it is a spore print for magic mushrooms. i go through her room further to find an entire damn aqarium filled with mushrooms in the back of her closet. obviously i am enraged, so i wait for her to get back from school, and i called the police. she was arrested, booked and released into her mother’s custody. her mother is pissed, and saying that i may have ruined the kids life for no reason, but we have tried to correct her drug abuse several times to no avail, and it has escalated. she now has a court date and can answer to the law since she doesn’t take the rules in my house seriously. i doubt she’ll get more than probation anyway. my parents are also pissed though, saying that this could have been handled inside the home, and that’s why i’m here. i’m wondering if i over reacted and would like a more impartial judgment. &#x200b; i am making and edit to respond to a few things. this was a small ten gallon tank. i guess people are picturing something larger. there were a lot of mushrooms in there though. my daughter has a small walk in closet that is, honestly, so messy that i don’t bother to look in there too much. because she has been passing her drug tests, i have been cutting her slack. i honestly would not have called the police if i thought that she was going to get a jail sentence at all.	14,720	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dtxxvv/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_kid/	2019-11-09 16:14:37	yta. getting your child a criminal record over mushrooms is most definitely not going to help her. don’t rely on the criminal justice system to parent your children.	yta. there are so many better ways to handle this situation. you could have first figured out why she had the drugs. a lot of teenagers who abuse drugs have underlying issues going on that need to be addressed. you didn’t try to do that. you could have found help with a family therapist, or even a personal therapist for her, that could have helped her through this time. you could have sent her to rehab. all of those things would have potentially helped her. you did absolutely nothing but make it clear that she can’t come to you if she’s ever in trouble.	yta , sheesh, i can see why she is rebelling.	yta. surprised if she ever talks to you, after this. good luck.	yta. drug addiction needs to be addressed medically. what do you think will happen now? jail or nothing. well done. the police is not here to help you suck less at parenting.	so, #1, this was handled completely inappropriately. yta, also. \#2, i don't know whether to chalk this up to extreme/strict parenting, over-reaction, anger-induced reaction, or what really. \#3, i understand what drugs can do to a family, and while yes i agree that you should of course be addressing this, there are other manners and directions to take versus jumping to arrest! \#4, > i don‘t normally go through her room, but the router for the house is in there, and i needed to reset it. when i go into her room, i found a mushroom cap on black paper hidden underneath her desk. i look up what the hell it is and it is a spore print for magic mushrooms. i go through her room further to find an entire damn aquarium filled with mushrooms in the back of her closet. you went into her room with the intention of snooping. the router "being in there" is a boldfaced lie. admit that. so, that part is over-board to me. however, everyone parents differently. &#x200b; ultimately, this should have been handled differently, as a family, and not so extremely. and yes, you have marred her future due to this. i don't believe that this should have been a tactic used. mushrooms, and other psycho-actives are massively different than harder drugs such as heroin, or cocaine. oy, just oy.	yta for calling the cops on your kid . you’ve just broken any trust she had with you . do your research, mushrooms can assist in mental health. but - mushrooms? you got her a criminal record. in three years she could be a completely different person, but will have that around her neck and on every cv . how about talking , listening and learning ?? your ex is right .	[deleted]	nta. id like to preface this by saying i dont think smoking pot makes you a drug addict but there have been studies that shown drug use negatively impacts development of teens and kids. this kid isnt just smoking pot once in a while, they're commiting a felony growing ~~a schedule 1 substance~~ shrooms in their house. that definitely crosses a line. all that being said, there are so many people completely out of touch with how the world works. this isnt some over controlling parent trying to control their kid. this is a parent who's tried doing everything in their power to stop their kids escalating relationship with drugs. ops already tried to deal with his daughter's drug problem by keeping it in-house and in the family. he event tried therapy which his daughter is actively rejecting. none of this worked and her behavior has escalated to growing a schedule 1 controlled substance in the house. so what we he supposed to do after catching her growing mushrooms, punish her again? that's shown to have no effect on her. often the only time when people with drug problems stop abusing is when they get a wake up call. clearly parental intervention wasn't enough. shes also a minor so this is the best time for her to face legal consequences as theres a high chance it wont stick on her permanent record. i feel like a lot of people dont know that in most states, most first timer minor drug offenders get placed in court mandated rehab programs. a lot of people in the comments are acting like op just sent her straight to prison without trying anything else when in the comments op has said hes tried various therapy options as well as more standard punishments. every day i become more convinced that the majority of people in this sub are teenagers who have no idea how things work in the real world.	yta- there is strong evidence that punishment doesn't help when combatting addiction and drug use in general. what helps is support and rehabilitation/therapy. try talking to your daughter if she'll even talk to you after that, and i'd recommend family therapy.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	NTA	YTA	0.031039	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: daughter is 16. her mom and i are divorced.daughter has been caught smoking pot several times from the age of 14. her mom and i have collectively punished her several times for this. the last time we caught her, i started drug testing her. her mom doesn’t agree with it, but we have caught her so many times now that i think this is the best way to prevent her from doing it. i don‘t normally go through her room, but the router for the house is in there, and i needed to reset it. when i go into her room, i found a mushroom cap on black paper hidden underneath her desk. i look up what the hell it is and it is a spore print for magic mushrooms. i go through her room further to find an entire damn aqarium filled with mushrooms in the back of her closet. obviously i am enraged, so i wait for her to get back from school, and i called the police. she was arrested, booked and released into her mother’s custody. her mother is pissed, and saying that i may have ruined the kids life for no reason, but we have tried to correct her drug abuse several times to no avail, and it has escalated. she now has a court date and can answer to the law since she doesn’t take the rules in my house seriously. i doubt she’ll get more than probation anyway. my parents are also pissed though, saying that this could have been handled inside the home, and that’s why i’m here. i’m wondering if i over reacted and would like a more impartial judgment. &#x200b; i am making and edit to respond to a few things. this was a small ten gallon tank. i guess people are picturing something larger. there were a lot of mushrooms in there though. my daughter has a small walk in closet that is, honestly, so messy that i don’t bother to look in there too much. because she has been passing her drug tests, i have been cutting her slack. i honestly would not have called the police if i thought that she was going to get a jail sentence at all.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> daughter is 16. her mom and i are divorced.daughter has been caught smoking pot several times from the age of 14. her mom and i have collectively punished her several times for this. the last time we caught her, i started drug testing her. her mom doesn’t agree with it, but we have caught her so many times now that i think this is the best way to prevent her from doing it. i don‘t normally go through her room, but the router for the house is in there, and i needed to reset it. when i go into her room, i found a mushroom cap on black paper hidden underneath her desk. i look up what the hell it is and it is a spore print for magic mushrooms. i go through her room further to find an entire damn aqarium filled with mushrooms in the back of her closet. obviously i am enraged, so i wait for her to get back from school, and i called the police. she was arrested, booked and released into her mother’s custody. her mother is pissed, and saying that i may have ruined the kids life for no reason, but we have tried to correct her drug abuse several times to no avail, and it has escalated. she now has a court date and can answer to the law since she doesn’t take the rules in my house seriously. i doubt she’ll get more than probation anyway. my parents are also pissed though, saying that this could have been handled inside the home, and that’s why i’m here. i’m wondering if i over reacted and would like a more impartial judgment. &#x200b; i am making and edit to respond to a few things. this was a small ten gallon tank. i guess people are picturing something larger. there were a lot of mushrooms in there though. my daughter has a small walk in closet that is, honestly, so messy that i don’t bother to look in there too much. because she has been passing her drug tests, i have been cutting her slack. i honestly would not have called the police if i thought that she was going to get a jail sentence at all. [/INST] yta. getting your child a criminal record over mushrooms is most definitely not going to help her. don’t rely on the criminal justice system to parent your children. </s>
AITA for changing my name? my parents named me Qur'stylle (Chrystal)?	so my asshole scumbag parents named me qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. i have always told people to just spell it as chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly. my mom even grounded me once because i told people to just make save my name as chrystal in their contacts. now that i'm a legal adult i got my named changed to chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think i'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good. my mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. she said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. im pretty sure i'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. i told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. my mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward.	25,826	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g1bn71/aita_for_changing_my_name_my_parents_named_me/	2020-04-14 19:04:53	nta. it's your name and your right to change it if you wish. honestly, if i may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family. it sounds like they're causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them. cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can.	nta i notice this: > would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly your mom thinks you're her possession to show off. she picked that name for the same reason people get their sportscars in bight red: "look at this awesome thing i own!!" not only are you in the right for wanting a normal name, it's good of you to get out from under your mom's influence.	she was threatening to cut you off for changing your first name as a legal adult? wow. but the “go fuck yourself” was a little harsh, though also justified. nta	“your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious” you’re absolutely right about that. i, personally, hate when parents give their kids names that are hard to pronounce or names that the kid’s going to get made fun of for. naming a child shouldn’t be about the parents, it should be about how it will affect the kid as they grow up. i hate my name and have always gone by my nickname, which is just my name but shortened by a letter. my dad wanted to name me mario and i’m so glad that my mom put her foot down and made him compromise with a name that is somewhat italian and english. it’s not like the name they chose was good either because i got made fun of for it in elementary and high school when teachers leaked my name.	why did you spell it chrystal and not crystal?	[removed]	nta. if it was a culturally or religiously important name with roots in the family then maybe that would be on the spectrum of betrayal but this is just basic narcissism. just read the definition below of narcissism and see how much of this you think fits your mom’s feelings about your name. “...excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement.” plus you’re an adult. unusual names can hinder or block legitimate employment, higher education, granting of loans etc.	nta. "betrayed" her and your family? that's a stretch. and that's an understatement. she gets to pick your name when you're a kid. you're an adult now, and you are allowed to dislike what she picked and change it. she's allowed to be hurt by that. she is not allowed to threaten you for making adult decisions.	lol you had to throw that extra “h” in there, huh?	info: was the inclusion of the "h" on purpose? my mind keeps reading it as chrysler instead of crystal. for the record, i still think that spelling is more clear than the original spelling.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	null	INFO	0.010352	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my asshole scumbag parents named me qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. i have always told people to just spell it as chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly. my mom even grounded me once because i told people to just make save my name as chrystal in their contacts. now that i'm a legal adult i got my named changed to chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think i'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good. my mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. she said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. im pretty sure i'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. i told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. my mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so my asshole scumbag parents named me qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. i have always told people to just spell it as chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly. my mom even grounded me once because i told people to just make save my name as chrystal in their contacts. now that i'm a legal adult i got my named changed to chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think i'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good. my mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. she said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. im pretty sure i'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. i told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. my mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward. [/INST] nta. it's your name and your right to change it if you wish. honestly, if i may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family. it sounds like they're causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them. cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can. </s>
AITA for making my parents choose between my sister going to jail or replacing my car with their vacation money.	i (f17) live with my parents. i have an older sister (29) that they had when they were super young. like i think my mom was 19 and my dad was 18. they did not do a great job with her and she has a lot of problems. she is chronically unemployed and she is a thief. she has two kids that are okay. they live with us as well because her boyfriend didn't want them around. i like the kids but they are spoiled little brats my parents dote on to make up for being shitty parents to their mom. my parents won't let me put a lock on my door because it is their house and they don't want that. no problem. i talked to the kids and explained about what would happen if they came into my room without permission. we have an understanding. well my sister broke up with her boyfriend and she needed a place to stay. i begged my parents not to let her stay with us. they declined. so i begged again for a lock for my door. no dice. i have to go to school so i can't guard my stuff at all times. when i came home on friday i found my car absolutely trashed and the side of it destroyed. my sister had gone into my room, found my spare key and taken my car. then lost control on the ice after a day of eating crap and tossing fast food wrappers everywhere. she sideswiped a tree. when i saw my car i was livid. i told my parents that i expected her to pay to fix it. they said she didn't have any money. so i said that i would call my grandparents. they had helped me get the car and insurance. after talking with my grandfather i came back to talk to my parents. i said that the insurance would cover fixing or replacing my car depending on the damage. but that i would have to file a police report. and that my sister would probably be charged for stealing my car. they begged me to tell insurance that she had permission. i said nope. so rather than go through insurance they are replacing my car. but they are using money that they had sett aside to take me and my nieces to orlando next summer for my graduation. it's fine. i can do without seeing disney world again. but my parents, sister, and nieces are upset with me and saying that i'm an asshole for denying my nieces the opportunity to go on a vacation that they have never had. i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. aita? #edit hey. i just got home from school. there is a deadbolt on my bedroom door. and my mom gave me a key. she says that she is keeping the other one for emergency. i agreed as long as it was only for emergencies.	23,161	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zkasxa/aita_for_making_my_parents_choose_between_my/	2022-12-12 20:42:40	nta - "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" >i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. legend	nta, and you still need a lock.	nta, your parents could go the cheaper route and send your sister to jail for grand theft and teach her they won’t always bail her out, then no “ruined” vacation either	"honestly, the more i think about it, the more i'm thinking that we should just report it to the police and let the chips fall where they may. after all, sister did steal my car, and you are right that it's not fair to nieces to have to miss the trip because of sister's decision to break your trust and break the law. and the last thing i want is to be responsible for nieces missing out. so let's just report it to the police." nta. while i understand families deciding to handle situations like this within the family, rather than reporting it to the authorities, that is dependent on the wrongdoer being genuinely sorry for their mistake. but your sister isn't sorry. not even a little. otherwise, she would recognize that her choice took the trip away from her children, and not be constantly trying to guilt or blame you.	nta and that last line killed me. 🤣😍🤣 just one thought about that lock- would they agree if you offered to give one of them a spare key? that seems pretty reasonable to me.	nta and your parents are still bad parents to her and to her kids. letting kids get away with everything and not having to face consequences is, imo, abusive because then they have no idea how to function in the real world. if your parents had actually learned anything about parenting, they'd make your sister deal with this or would at least force her to get a job to repay them... if they did that, then the kids wouldn't miss out on disney. every single aspect of this has been your parents' fault, and they are still failing.	but nobody blames your sister? criminy. nta	i would find a safer spot then your parents house for all your important documents. social security card, passport, birth certificate, anything like that. maybe keep it at your grandparents.	nta your parents are toxic and your sister is a rat. its about time for your sister to realize that she cant get away with this at all. and its time for your parents to stop condoning your sisters behavior as well. file the police report. that will scare your sister straight. and maybe she'll think twice next time. if she hasn't killed herself from her recklessness.	you're right, a lock would have been cheaper nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f17) live with my parents. i have an older sister (29) that they had when they were super young. like i think my mom was 19 and my dad was 18. they did not do a great job with her and she has a lot of problems. she is chronically unemployed and she is a thief. she has two kids that are okay. they live with us as well because her boyfriend didn't want them around. i like the kids but they are spoiled little brats my parents dote on to make up for being shitty parents to their mom. my parents won't let me put a lock on my door because it is their house and they don't want that. no problem. i talked to the kids and explained about what would happen if they came into my room without permission. we have an understanding. well my sister broke up with her boyfriend and she needed a place to stay. i begged my parents not to let her stay with us. they declined. so i begged again for a lock for my door. no dice. i have to go to school so i can't guard my stuff at all times. when i came home on friday i found my car absolutely trashed and the side of it destroyed. my sister had gone into my room, found my spare key and taken my car. then lost control on the ice after a day of eating crap and tossing fast food wrappers everywhere. she sideswiped a tree. when i saw my car i was livid. i told my parents that i expected her to pay to fix it. they said she didn't have any money. so i said that i would call my grandparents. they had helped me get the car and insurance. after talking with my grandfather i came back to talk to my parents. i said that the insurance would cover fixing or replacing my car depending on the damage. but that i would have to file a police report. and that my sister would probably be charged for stealing my car. they begged me to tell insurance that she had permission. i said nope. so rather than go through insurance they are replacing my car. but they are using money that they had sett aside to take me and my nieces to orlando next summer for my graduation. it's fine. i can do without seeing disney world again. but my parents, sister, and nieces are upset with me and saying that i'm an asshole for denying my nieces the opportunity to go on a vacation that they have never had. i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. aita? #edit hey. i just got home from school. there is a deadbolt on my bedroom door. and my mom gave me a key. she says that she is keeping the other one for emergency. i agreed as long as it was only for emergencies.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (f17) live with my parents. i have an older sister (29) that they had when they were super young. like i think my mom was 19 and my dad was 18. they did not do a great job with her and she has a lot of problems. she is chronically unemployed and she is a thief. she has two kids that are okay. they live with us as well because her boyfriend didn't want them around. i like the kids but they are spoiled little brats my parents dote on to make up for being shitty parents to their mom. my parents won't let me put a lock on my door because it is their house and they don't want that. no problem. i talked to the kids and explained about what would happen if they came into my room without permission. we have an understanding. well my sister broke up with her boyfriend and she needed a place to stay. i begged my parents not to let her stay with us. they declined. so i begged again for a lock for my door. no dice. i have to go to school so i can't guard my stuff at all times. when i came home on friday i found my car absolutely trashed and the side of it destroyed. my sister had gone into my room, found my spare key and taken my car. then lost control on the ice after a day of eating crap and tossing fast food wrappers everywhere. she sideswiped a tree. when i saw my car i was livid. i told my parents that i expected her to pay to fix it. they said she didn't have any money. so i said that i would call my grandparents. they had helped me get the car and insurance. after talking with my grandfather i came back to talk to my parents. i said that the insurance would cover fixing or replacing my car depending on the damage. but that i would have to file a police report. and that my sister would probably be charged for stealing my car. they begged me to tell insurance that she had permission. i said nope. so rather than go through insurance they are replacing my car. but they are using money that they had sett aside to take me and my nieces to orlando next summer for my graduation. it's fine. i can do without seeing disney world again. but my parents, sister, and nieces are upset with me and saying that i'm an asshole for denying my nieces the opportunity to go on a vacation that they have never had. i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. aita? #edit hey. i just got home from school. there is a deadbolt on my bedroom door. and my mom gave me a key. she says that she is keeping the other one for emergency. i agreed as long as it was only for emergencies. [/INST] nta - "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" >i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. legend </s>
AITA for telling me friend that she is an asshole	my (f32) best childhood friend (f32) just became a lawyer and then dumped her boyfriend. &#x200b; my best friend and i grew up in poverty. we had not much opportunities for an education. for young women in our area, our options were retail, drug dealing, prostitution, or hoping a rich guy would notice us. for guys it was retail, drug dealing, or finding one of the few factory jobs remaining. i got lucky, managed to date a med student, he helped open doors for me and i have become a teacher in a school in a lower socioeconomic area to provide those oppurutnities. my husband is now a doctor my friend tried that option but was not as lucky. she was working min wage retail at age 25. while doing so she got friendly with a factory worker (m30) who came by regularly and they started dating. he knew he was not the academic type, school was not for him. but he also saw potential in my friend and encouraged her to go school. she had dreams of becoming a criminal prosecutor and he encouraged her to not give up. he took out whatever loan he could find so that she could get an education. he supported her through and through, did the house work, worked extra shifts, everything so she could get an education. my friend persevered, graduated, and became a lawyer. shortly after, she broke up with her boyfriend; just as he planned on proposing to her. she said that as a professional, she had no interest being married to a working class man and that she "deserves" a "real man". i was horrified and told her that she is betraying a man who has supported her through all this and made her what she is. she got mad and said that it is not the woman's job to pay the bills and that i am a hypocrite cause my husband makes a lot more than me. she further said that the idea of marriage as a life partnership is a patriarchal construct, that she has the right to date whomever she wants, and that as a feminist i should be supporting her. i told her that she is not only a major asshole, she is giving feminists a bad name because feminism means women financially supporting their male partners as much as in the reverse.	21,447	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1gvo9/aita_for_telling_me_friend_that_she_is_an_asshole/	2022-01-11 16:27:21	nta - she used him. this has nothing to do with feminism. she took his love, his graciousness... and led him to believe they had a future together, while bleeding him dry. she is a vampire. she does not have the requisite morality to be considered for your friendship, because you're a good person. she is not.	nta because you are right, that was an ah move on her part. the idea of a ‘real man’ only being a breadwinner is very much not feminist. she’s using feminism as a way to try to make her defences seem untouchable, because then she can proclaim you aren’t feminist and shut you down- when her behaviour has nothing to do with feminism. dumping him because she wants to ladder climb is extremely classist and coldhearted. it really sounds like she just used him for his money, rather than actually enjoying the relationship or caring for him. very sad that she felt it necessary to manipulate someone to survive, and even sadder for her poor ex being used like that.	nta but she certainly is she used this man. questions has he got outstanding loans that he took out to fund her education. "it is not the woman's job to pay the bills" what kind of patriarchal bs is that. she is definitely not a feminist and you are right feminism is about the equal treatment of both sexes she objectified her bf she saw him as an atm.	[removed]	nta! holy shit. that woman isn't a feminist, she's a vampire.	nta. i’m much happier being married to a (retired) laborer who did 40 years laying rail on the high plains, than i was to my rich but cheating bastard of a first husband. i found out that i enjoy hanging out with these blue collar workers than i was going to glitzy functions and being ignored. i’m highly educated, holding three degrees, and never am i disappointed with the conversation among my new people. she is an asshole, and i’m so sorry for the man she took advantage of!	nta -she used her ex as a means to an end. that's terrible.	nta. your friend used that man. he treated her well and she shat on him. let’s hope karma gets her.	nta. she is right: she does have the right to date whomever she chooses. but she is a shallow, horrid user. the type who will be nice and hang out for as long as you can do something for her and not a moment more. there are many many cases of women supporting the families and having a happy marriage, or women marrying ‘below their station’ for live and being happy. the problem is, there is no amount of money or status that that can fill the hole in your friends soul. she is empty. you are well rid of her. good luck, and i hope you find better quality friends soon.	nta i honestly just hope her ex is doing well right now.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (f32) best childhood friend (f32) just became a lawyer and then dumped her boyfriend. &#x200b; my best friend and i grew up in poverty. we had not much opportunities for an education. for young women in our area, our options were retail, drug dealing, prostitution, or hoping a rich guy would notice us. for guys it was retail, drug dealing, or finding one of the few factory jobs remaining. i got lucky, managed to date a med student, he helped open doors for me and i have become a teacher in a school in a lower socioeconomic area to provide those oppurutnities. my husband is now a doctor my friend tried that option but was not as lucky. she was working min wage retail at age 25. while doing so she got friendly with a factory worker (m30) who came by regularly and they started dating. he knew he was not the academic type, school was not for him. but he also saw potential in my friend and encouraged her to go school. she had dreams of becoming a criminal prosecutor and he encouraged her to not give up. he took out whatever loan he could find so that she could get an education. he supported her through and through, did the house work, worked extra shifts, everything so she could get an education. my friend persevered, graduated, and became a lawyer. shortly after, she broke up with her boyfriend; just as he planned on proposing to her. she said that as a professional, she had no interest being married to a working class man and that she "deserves" a "real man". i was horrified and told her that she is betraying a man who has supported her through all this and made her what she is. she got mad and said that it is not the woman's job to pay the bills and that i am a hypocrite cause my husband makes a lot more than me. she further said that the idea of marriage as a life partnership is a patriarchal construct, that she has the right to date whomever she wants, and that as a feminist i should be supporting her. i told her that she is not only a major asshole, she is giving feminists a bad name because feminism means women financially supporting their male partners as much as in the reverse.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (f32) best childhood friend (f32) just became a lawyer and then dumped her boyfriend. &#x200b; my best friend and i grew up in poverty. we had not much opportunities for an education. for young women in our area, our options were retail, drug dealing, prostitution, or hoping a rich guy would notice us. for guys it was retail, drug dealing, or finding one of the few factory jobs remaining. i got lucky, managed to date a med student, he helped open doors for me and i have become a teacher in a school in a lower socioeconomic area to provide those oppurutnities. my husband is now a doctor my friend tried that option but was not as lucky. she was working min wage retail at age 25. while doing so she got friendly with a factory worker (m30) who came by regularly and they started dating. he knew he was not the academic type, school was not for him. but he also saw potential in my friend and encouraged her to go school. she had dreams of becoming a criminal prosecutor and he encouraged her to not give up. he took out whatever loan he could find so that she could get an education. he supported her through and through, did the house work, worked extra shifts, everything so she could get an education. my friend persevered, graduated, and became a lawyer. shortly after, she broke up with her boyfriend; just as he planned on proposing to her. she said that as a professional, she had no interest being married to a working class man and that she "deserves" a "real man". i was horrified and told her that she is betraying a man who has supported her through all this and made her what she is. she got mad and said that it is not the woman's job to pay the bills and that i am a hypocrite cause my husband makes a lot more than me. she further said that the idea of marriage as a life partnership is a patriarchal construct, that she has the right to date whomever she wants, and that as a feminist i should be supporting her. i told her that she is not only a major asshole, she is giving feminists a bad name because feminism means women financially supporting their male partners as much as in the reverse. [/INST] nta - she used him. this has nothing to do with feminism. she took his love, his graciousness... and led him to believe they had a future together, while bleeding him dry. she is a vampire. she does not have the requisite morality to be considered for your friendship, because you're a good person. she is not. </s>
AITA for telling everyone our teacher has a dildo behind her at our Zoom meeting?	so basically we were having a zoom meeting with our new english teacher (a female in her mid twenties). she has started teaching at the beginning of the year and i haven’t really had a great relation with her. during the zoom meeting her camera fell down so she had to fix it and didn’t really do a good job at that and showed most of the room behind her. and boom there at the corner of bed an at least 8 inch dildo. i just shut my camera because i started laughing then texted our class’s group chat and told them to look at that pinky thing at the corner of the bed. most just burst out laughing while some girls were telling me i was a piece of shit and our teacher was confused as hell until she looked behind her and almost screamed and said sorry like a billion times before disconnecting. i kinda feel like shit an important	5,863	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gpg967/aita_for_telling_everyone_our_teacher_has_a_dildo/	2020-05-24 00:45:00	yta. nice slut shaming. she's in her own home.	yta, you don’t need to scream it out to the heavens. that’s her private life and you embarrassed her just for the sake of getting some of your friends to chuckle. you should apologize to her.	yta. honestly, teachers are human beings. she made a mistake, it was completely unnecessary to share it with the group chat. the screen shot and resulting meme could seriously impact her career.	yta. honestly, they are really strict with professionalism and morality clauses with teachers. by pointing that out, you have probably caused this teacher to lose her job.	yta. have the laugh in private, don't point it out so everyone can mock her. you feel like shit because you did a shitty thing.	yta. she must want to die right about now.	yta. you directly contributed to that meme being made by telling everyone about it. the camera fell and she likely forgot to put the dildo away. newsflash: people masturbate with toys! just because she’s a teacher doesn’t mean she hasn’t got an outside life. you didn’t have to make your entire class aware.	yta - how old are you? 5? owning sex toys is perfectly normal. stop shaming people for having a sex life.	i'm amazed at all the asshole votes. i'd go with esh because op is clearly being a turd. this will likely get the teacher fired, if any other teachers or admin catch wind of it (which they most likely will). the teacher also sucks for being careless. i'm a teacher and i get it. distance learning sucks. but jeez, be careful about what's in (or could be in) your shot! it wouldn't have been hard to put the dildo away, or on the opposite side of the room. op did what i'd expect a teenager to do. the teacher was careless and unprofessional.	yta. grow up.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so basically we were having a zoom meeting with our new english teacher (a female in her mid twenties). she has started teaching at the beginning of the year and i haven’t really had a great relation with her. during the zoom meeting her camera fell down so she had to fix it and didn’t really do a good job at that and showed most of the room behind her. and boom there at the corner of bed an at least 8 inch dildo. i just shut my camera because i started laughing then texted our class’s group chat and told them to look at that pinky thing at the corner of the bed. most just burst out laughing while some girls were telling me i was a piece of shit and our teacher was confused as hell until she looked behind her and almost screamed and said sorry like a billion times before disconnecting. i kinda feel like shit an important	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so basically we were having a zoom meeting with our new english teacher (a female in her mid twenties). she has started teaching at the beginning of the year and i haven’t really had a great relation with her. during the zoom meeting her camera fell down so she had to fix it and didn’t really do a good job at that and showed most of the room behind her. and boom there at the corner of bed an at least 8 inch dildo. i just shut my camera because i started laughing then texted our class’s group chat and told them to look at that pinky thing at the corner of the bed. most just burst out laughing while some girls were telling me i was a piece of shit and our teacher was confused as hell until she looked behind her and almost screamed and said sorry like a billion times before disconnecting. i kinda feel like shit an important [/INST] yta. nice slut shaming. she's in her own home. </s>
Aita for only going to black salons	hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. i am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). i have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with. when i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. she showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. my hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice. well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. one of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. when i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. the others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. i dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before.	31,123	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/okvcuj/aita_for_only_going_to_black_salons/	2021-07-15 15:38:20	nta, black woman here with 4c hair. you use the products and resources that best suit your needs. it wouldn't be a black vs white issue if the beauty industry recognized the need and taught students how to do all types of hair.	nta and as a black dude, i really wish white people would stop speaking for us in this manner. it's not helping in the way they think it is	i wonder who would be a better arbiter of whether this was cultural appropriation; the black women who style your hair, or your goofy white friends? nta.	>black products and services that should only be used by black people your friend is trying so hard to be woke that she is actually racist! shouldn't she be happy you are supporting a black-owned business and black products? nta	nta, people take the "cultural appropriation" thing way too far, and this is a good example. my wife is black and my kids are mixed race. i can't tell you how many times my son's hair has been butchered by someone who didn't know how to work with tight curly hair. it's about your hair, not "race". you're supporting black-owned businesses too.	nta. your coworkers do not understand what it takes to take care of curly hair, nor do they understand cultural appropriation. cultural appropriation is rachel dolezal pretending to be black for years and running her local naacp. cultural appropriation is fashion designers who are not indigenous/native peoples using indigenous or native designs in their fashions without knowing or acknowledging the significance of those designs. black hair products were formulated originated for black hair care because for a long time there were no products that worked well with our hair. the bonus is it works great for all curly-heads. so continue going to the salon, continue being beautiful, rock your glorious curls, and thank you for supporting black businesses.	nta - this is the reason why people laugh at woke people. seriously, "cultural appropriation" for going to a black salon and using black hair products that works for your hair. here's the thing, i can practically guarantee you that your hair stylist and the owners of the production don't care that you're white, they care that you're a paying customer.	nta! many non-black hair salons won't even know what you mean when you say, 3c and start talking about porosity. supporting black-owned business is the opposite of what you're friends are accusing you of. they are idiots!	nta. perhaps i’m a little biased, but licensed stylists do not need to know how to properly care for and maintain black hair, aka kinky curly hair, in order to receive their license. so going to the stylists that do already know how to work with your hair type is the logical solution. it just so happens that the predominant demographic of people with hair like yours are black. don’t listen to their performative allyship, black stylists know why you go to them.	nta - that sounds like a bizarre argument to make, particularly from a white person. what you're describing is not cultural appropriation. cultural appropriation is misuse of a culture's custom(s) for reasons like entertainment, mockery, etc. you are literally using the products and services as intended. to suggest that you are racist here is actually racist, it assumes that black people need protection from white saviors to enforce some sort of defensive barrier for their products and services.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. i am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). i have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with. when i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. she showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. my hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice. well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. one of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. when i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. the others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. i dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. i am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). i have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with. when i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. she showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. my hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice. well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. one of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. when i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. the others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. i dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before. [/INST] nta, black woman here with 4c hair. you use the products and resources that best suit your needs. it wouldn't be a black vs white issue if the beauty industry recognized the need and taught students how to do all types of hair. </s>
AITA for not agreeing to a name change for my daughter, despite her father wanting one?	my ex and i were engaged, living together, and planning on trying for kids after the wedding. the wedding got delayed and i found out i was pregnant shortly after. my ex freaked out. insisted it couldn't be his baby because he wasn't ready to be a dad, that this was all happening too fast and wasn't how we planned it, and said he needed some time to think everything over. he then moved out, blocked me, and didn't answer any kind of attempted contact for 10 months. our child was born without him there and i named our daughter, "elizabeth laura smith" without his input. elizabeth because i like it and it reminds me of my favourite book character (i work in literature), laura after my grandmother, and smith is my surname. my ex has reached out. he said he waited this long because he wasn't sure how far along i was when we were together but he figured the baby had to have been born by now. i said that his timing was a little off, because she's 5 months old. ex has said he's planning to sort out custody. we've not discussed logistics yet, but he's unlikely to get anything before she turns 1. he asked if i'd named her yet, and i told him what i'd named her. ex then said he hates that name. he thinks it sounds old and stuffy. he says that as his mother, "mary", has recently (november 2019) passed away, he wants to name our daughter mary. he says mary must be the first name and that i can have either elizabeth or laura as the middle name. i made clear, in no uncertain terms, that i will not change her name. i hate the name mary. i hate how it sounds, both alone and with "elizabeth/laura smith" on the end of it. plus i didn't like his mother, either (though i didn't remind him of that). ex said that if we're going to co-parent then i have to learn to compromise and this is the place to start, and that it's unfair that i got to choose both her first and middle name. i said that if he hadn't blocked me for the better part of a year, he'd have been able to say all of this when she was born. ex said that the above is proof that i'm being petty and that he can't undo the past, but i can prevent any feelings of dislike/resentment from him over this name in future, and that as the father he should have a say in his daughter's name. he also says that he's willing to let her be a "smith" and not force me to use his surname, which he feels is proof he has already negotiated. am i the a-hole?	22,737	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kgtluk/aita_for_not_agreeing_to_a_name_change_for_my/	2020-12-20 13:00:33	nta. pretty fucking ballsy of him to get a hold of you when your daughter is 5 god damn months old and the first thing he does is start making demands.	nta. « and it’s unfair that i got to choose both her first and middle name ». you know what’s unfair? having to go through pregnancy and giving birth to a child by yourself because someone who thought themselves ready to be your partner bailed when it got difficult. that‘s not fair. it’s not about you being unwilling to comprise, he missed out on his chance to name his daughter because he was too afraid/unprepared to be there.	nta jesus fuck. if this is real you should continue the no contact. this guy is unstable.	nta you're so far from being the asshole. don't give him anything. if he wants visitation, he needs to get a lawyer and file a legal petition for paternity. and you hire a lawyer and your lawyers (and a judge, if necessary) iron out his visitation and child support. your and your lawyer's side should be that your ex fled when he knew you were pregnant and shouldn't have custody. his visitation should be supervised for a significant length of time so he can demonstrate his ability to parent. and he needs to pay child support. there's a good chance he'll ghost you again when you tell him to have his lawyer call your lawyer. but definitely do not just hand this man your baby, nor change her name because he wants it changed.	nta- he abandoned you! he ran away like a scared little boy! he claimed the child wasn't his! write down and document everything he said, the dates to the best of your relocation, and his actions. talk to a lawyer. it may be best you only communicate with him that way for now. he abandoned his child, his rights to compromise is gone.	nta. she’s not a pet he can rename, or a community asset to divide.	nta - the absolute fucking audacity of this man is unbelievable! >he also says that he's willing to let her be a "smith" and not force me to use his surname, who does think he is? i'd actually love to see him try and make the legal argument that the mother of the child he abandoned should be compelled to change the child's name.	nta if he had wanted to have naming privileges, he should have been there for the pregnancy and birth.	nta. he walked out on his pregnant fiance and then proceeded to block you everywhere. he chose not to be present for you or for his daughter's birth. your daughter is 5 months old and has been named. he doesn't get a do-over on her name, he needs to focus on being a father to her going forward.	nta first, please edit your post and redact the full name of your daughter to remain anonymous. \>ex said that if we're going to co-parent then i have to learn to compromise the nerve of the guy. he's at fault here, why doesn't he compromise? or better yet, f\*ck off. he walked out on you and your daughter, pretty much abandoned her. maybe he'd have a legal case for some custody, i don't know, but you are not "co-parenting" and owe him nothing. he's the one who has a lot to make up for. keep logs of the communications he has with you. maybe there is or will be something in there that would help your legal case for custody. i don't know if evidence that he's demanding your daughter changes name could help your case, but it doesn't hurt to ask your lawyer.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex and i were engaged, living together, and planning on trying for kids after the wedding. the wedding got delayed and i found out i was pregnant shortly after. my ex freaked out. insisted it couldn't be his baby because he wasn't ready to be a dad, that this was all happening too fast and wasn't how we planned it, and said he needed some time to think everything over. he then moved out, blocked me, and didn't answer any kind of attempted contact for 10 months. our child was born without him there and i named our daughter, "elizabeth laura smith" without his input. elizabeth because i like it and it reminds me of my favourite book character (i work in literature), laura after my grandmother, and smith is my surname. my ex has reached out. he said he waited this long because he wasn't sure how far along i was when we were together but he figured the baby had to have been born by now. i said that his timing was a little off, because she's 5 months old. ex has said he's planning to sort out custody. we've not discussed logistics yet, but he's unlikely to get anything before she turns 1. he asked if i'd named her yet, and i told him what i'd named her. ex then said he hates that name. he thinks it sounds old and stuffy. he says that as his mother, "mary", has recently (november 2019) passed away, he wants to name our daughter mary. he says mary must be the first name and that i can have either elizabeth or laura as the middle name. i made clear, in no uncertain terms, that i will not change her name. i hate the name mary. i hate how it sounds, both alone and with "elizabeth/laura smith" on the end of it. plus i didn't like his mother, either (though i didn't remind him of that). ex said that if we're going to co-parent then i have to learn to compromise and this is the place to start, and that it's unfair that i got to choose both her first and middle name. i said that if he hadn't blocked me for the better part of a year, he'd have been able to say all of this when she was born. ex said that the above is proof that i'm being petty and that he can't undo the past, but i can prevent any feelings of dislike/resentment from him over this name in future, and that as the father he should have a say in his daughter's name. he also says that he's willing to let her be a "smith" and not force me to use his surname, which he feels is proof he has already negotiated. am i the a-hole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my ex and i were engaged, living together, and planning on trying for kids after the wedding. the wedding got delayed and i found out i was pregnant shortly after. my ex freaked out. insisted it couldn't be his baby because he wasn't ready to be a dad, that this was all happening too fast and wasn't how we planned it, and said he needed some time to think everything over. he then moved out, blocked me, and didn't answer any kind of attempted contact for 10 months. our child was born without him there and i named our daughter, "elizabeth laura smith" without his input. elizabeth because i like it and it reminds me of my favourite book character (i work in literature), laura after my grandmother, and smith is my surname. my ex has reached out. he said he waited this long because he wasn't sure how far along i was when we were together but he figured the baby had to have been born by now. i said that his timing was a little off, because she's 5 months old. ex has said he's planning to sort out custody. we've not discussed logistics yet, but he's unlikely to get anything before she turns 1. he asked if i'd named her yet, and i told him what i'd named her. ex then said he hates that name. he thinks it sounds old and stuffy. he says that as his mother, "mary", has recently (november 2019) passed away, he wants to name our daughter mary. he says mary must be the first name and that i can have either elizabeth or laura as the middle name. i made clear, in no uncertain terms, that i will not change her name. i hate the name mary. i hate how it sounds, both alone and with "elizabeth/laura smith" on the end of it. plus i didn't like his mother, either (though i didn't remind him of that). ex said that if we're going to co-parent then i have to learn to compromise and this is the place to start, and that it's unfair that i got to choose both her first and middle name. i said that if he hadn't blocked me for the better part of a year, he'd have been able to say all of this when she was born. ex said that the above is proof that i'm being petty and that he can't undo the past, but i can prevent any feelings of dislike/resentment from him over this name in future, and that as the father he should have a say in his daughter's name. he also says that he's willing to let her be a "smith" and not force me to use his surname, which he feels is proof he has already negotiated. am i the a-hole? [/INST] nta. pretty fucking ballsy of him to get a hold of you when your daughter is 5 god damn months old and the first thing he does is start making demands. </s>
AITA For being mad at my wife for causing a scene at the restaurant?	my wife has long lasting issues with her mother. she hasn't spoken to her in 6 years. to be frank i've never understood why my wife doesn't want her mother around. all i know is their relationship went south after my fil divorced my mil. it was a decision they both made so i don't get why she keeps punishing her mother like that. i was open to have meetings with my mil. i have been in contact with her for a year and my wife knew. she said it's up to me to want to have a relationship with her mom but i shouldn't try to make her re-establish a relationship with her. things remained the same for months. my mil would see my wife few times a week but they don't talk. and i just thought that my wife and mil were stuck in this conflict and needed one meeting to at least open up to tackle this issue. especially before our son is born. i arranged for dinner at a restaurant on mother's day. my wife thought it was just 2 of us but i kept giving her hints about the person i was expecting. my mil arrived and next thing i knew my wife got up from her seat and started yelling infront of everybody. i told her that her mom tried many times to reconcile but she was being unfair with her grudge holding attitude and not giving her a chance for a sincere talk. all i ask for was to sit down and talk things out with her mom. she said she didn't want to see her especially on this day and thought i was doing this for her as a mom. and i was!. i begged her to sit and i'd get her mom to leave if she was bothered that much but she didn't listen, my mil was standing behind crying while everyone was looking. my wife took her phone and purse then left. i had mixed feelings but i felt mostly upset things played out different than what i had in mind since my wife no problem with her mom speaking to me. my wife has been staying with a friend for a week i visited her twice to talk and every time we ended up arguing. i told her she didn't need to cause a scene at the restaurant and could've been a little bit graceful to sit with her mom at the table to talk but she said i needed to blame myself. i asked her didn't mother's day mean anything to her? all i got was a cold stare growing up without my mother made my life incomplete. i never had any mother figures in my life and it's because of my father. i just think everyone should count her their blessing and she should realize it's never too late to fix the problem between her and her mom if she chooses to see how lucky she was to still have her mom alive. but she kept blaming me for the scene at the restaurant and said she won't forget that day and flatout told me "you know what's the worst thing about betrayal, it never comes from an enemy." this complicated the matter more. i thought about what went wrong and it's clear my wife isn't willing to even try.	5,399	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ndske7/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_wife_for_causing_a_scene/	2021-05-16 16:56:22	yta. respect her boundaries. surprising her with a boundary violation on mother’s day is gross. your own issues with your own mother have nothing to do with your wife’s relationship with hers.	yta. not all mothers are kind and good. some are incredibly toxic people who can be cruel, vindictive, and unrelenting. your wife does not owe it to you or her mother to have a relationship. back off. also, dont be surprised if divorce papers follow this event. i know id leave anyone who pulled this in regards to the parent i am no contact with.	> gowing up without my mother it made my life incomplete. way to make your wife's relationship with her mother about you. yta.	you are so beyond being ta that there isn’t even a word to describe it. you’ll be lucky if this hasn’t ended your marriage. if my husband pulled this on me with my father i’d immediately leave him, no questions asked, and we’ve been married more than 30 years. you need to deal with your own unresolved mommy issues. you are so much the asshole. honestly, you’ll be lucky if this doesn’t make your wife hate you.	yta > she said it’s up to me to want to have a relationship with her mum but i shouldn’t try to make her re-establish a relationship with her. please, explain to me how you got ‘let’s ambush her on mother’s day into public reconciliation’ from that?	yta. you are hard core projecting your lack of a mother onto your wife's relationship with her mom. but this has nothing to do with you or what you went thru. you don't get to force a relationship between your wife and her mother (on your wife's special day no less) just because you didn't have a mom. it's not up to you to decide for other people that they should accept toxic family relationships just because you didn't get one. you have no idea what the dynamic was between the two of them or what her mom did to deserve such treatment. you disregarded your wife's feelings,pushed past her boundries, and upset her but you are mad about her reaction? that's something else you also don't get to control. like, you need therapy to deal with your own problems with your lack of a mother figure not to force everyone else into unrealistic roles because you think you know better what's good for them. your wife knows better than you whats good for her regarding a relationship with her mom. she lived that relationship unlike you.	so they haven’t spoken in 6 years so you decide to build bridges and on mother’s day? yta	yta - omg, you seriously blindsided your pregnant wife with her mother who she has no relationship on mother's day? that is just wrong on so many levels! by your own admission you don't even know what this estrangement is about! so why do you think your wife needs to forgive your mil? >she said it's up to me to want to have a relationship with her mom but i shouldn't try to make her re-establish a relationship with her your wife told you not to try and a force a relationship but you had no respect for her boundaries! >she said she didn't want to see her especially on this day and thought i was doing this for her as a mom. and i was!. so you fully admit you have no respect for your wife's feelings. you're basically a double agent working for your mil. and what gives you the right to do that? you showed a complete and total disrespect for your wife's wishes, you plowed all over her boundaries and most importantly you picked your mil and her feelings over your wife's!! how do you expect your wife to trust you going forward in your marriage?	super yta you knew your wife and her mother didn't talk, you knew your wife didn't want to talk to her mother, and yet you you did this to her? i'm sorry you didn't have a mother growing up, but there are people who did and their mothers treated them horribly and abused them, just because someone is a mother doesn't mean that they're a good person. there are so many mothers out there who are horrible and deserve to be cut of of their children's life. whatever happened between them is none of your business and you have no right to involve yourself and try to patch things up, if your wife doesn't want to talk to her mother at all then respect her decision and leave it alone.	yta dude. you can’t force your wife to have a relationship with her mom just because you feel your life is incomplete because you didn’t have one with yours. and you especially can’t do that without knowing the details of why she doesn’t want one, which you admit that you don’t. trying to force a reunion at all would have been an ah move; pulling this shit as a “surprise” on mother’s day - in public - is a major ah move.	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife has long lasting issues with her mother. she hasn't spoken to her in 6 years. to be frank i've never understood why my wife doesn't want her mother around. all i know is their relationship went south after my fil divorced my mil. it was a decision they both made so i don't get why she keeps punishing her mother like that. i was open to have meetings with my mil. i have been in contact with her for a year and my wife knew. she said it's up to me to want to have a relationship with her mom but i shouldn't try to make her re-establish a relationship with her. things remained the same for months. my mil would see my wife few times a week but they don't talk. and i just thought that my wife and mil were stuck in this conflict and needed one meeting to at least open up to tackle this issue. especially before our son is born. i arranged for dinner at a restaurant on mother's day. my wife thought it was just 2 of us but i kept giving her hints about the person i was expecting. my mil arrived and next thing i knew my wife got up from her seat and started yelling infront of everybody. i told her that her mom tried many times to reconcile but she was being unfair with her grudge holding attitude and not giving her a chance for a sincere talk. all i ask for was to sit down and talk things out with her mom. she said she didn't want to see her especially on this day and thought i was doing this for her as a mom. and i was!. i begged her to sit and i'd get her mom to leave if she was bothered that much but she didn't listen, my mil was standing behind crying while everyone was looking. my wife took her phone and purse then left. i had mixed feelings but i felt mostly upset things played out different than what i had in mind since my wife no problem with her mom speaking to me. my wife has been staying with a friend for a week i visited her twice to talk and every time we ended up arguing. i told her she didn't need to cause a scene at the restaurant and could've been a little bit graceful to sit with her mom at the table to talk but she said i needed to blame myself. i asked her didn't mother's day mean anything to her? all i got was a cold stare growing up without my mother made my life incomplete. i never had any mother figures in my life and it's because of my father. i just think everyone should count her their blessing and she should realize it's never too late to fix the problem between her and her mom if she chooses to see how lucky she was to still have her mom alive. but she kept blaming me for the scene at the restaurant and said she won't forget that day and flatout told me "you know what's the worst thing about betrayal, it never comes from an enemy." this complicated the matter more. i thought about what went wrong and it's clear my wife isn't willing to even try.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife has long lasting issues with her mother. she hasn't spoken to her in 6 years. to be frank i've never understood why my wife doesn't want her mother around. all i know is their relationship went south after my fil divorced my mil. it was a decision they both made so i don't get why she keeps punishing her mother like that. i was open to have meetings with my mil. i have been in contact with her for a year and my wife knew. she said it's up to me to want to have a relationship with her mom but i shouldn't try to make her re-establish a relationship with her. things remained the same for months. my mil would see my wife few times a week but they don't talk. and i just thought that my wife and mil were stuck in this conflict and needed one meeting to at least open up to tackle this issue. especially before our son is born. i arranged for dinner at a restaurant on mother's day. my wife thought it was just 2 of us but i kept giving her hints about the person i was expecting. my mil arrived and next thing i knew my wife got up from her seat and started yelling infront of everybody. i told her that her mom tried many times to reconcile but she was being unfair with her grudge holding attitude and not giving her a chance for a sincere talk. all i ask for was to sit down and talk things out with her mom. she said she didn't want to see her especially on this day and thought i was doing this for her as a mom. and i was!. i begged her to sit and i'd get her mom to leave if she was bothered that much but she didn't listen, my mil was standing behind crying while everyone was looking. my wife took her phone and purse then left. i had mixed feelings but i felt mostly upset things played out different than what i had in mind since my wife no problem with her mom speaking to me. my wife has been staying with a friend for a week i visited her twice to talk and every time we ended up arguing. i told her she didn't need to cause a scene at the restaurant and could've been a little bit graceful to sit with her mom at the table to talk but she said i needed to blame myself. i asked her didn't mother's day mean anything to her? all i got was a cold stare growing up without my mother made my life incomplete. i never had any mother figures in my life and it's because of my father. i just think everyone should count her their blessing and she should realize it's never too late to fix the problem between her and her mom if she chooses to see how lucky she was to still have her mom alive. but she kept blaming me for the scene at the restaurant and said she won't forget that day and flatout told me "you know what's the worst thing about betrayal, it never comes from an enemy." this complicated the matter more. i thought about what went wrong and it's clear my wife isn't willing to even try. [/INST] yta. respect her boundaries. surprising her with a boundary violation on mother’s day is gross. your own issues with your own mother have nothing to do with your wife’s relationship with hers. </s>
AITA for asking my housekeeper to teach my children?	my housekeeper is from vietnam. i have no complaints about her as she's wonderful. she is or rather was a teacher in her country but in my mine, she has to take classes again and go through certification all over again. she's only working as a housekeeper while she studies. my husband and i have two children - 8 male and 13 male. i thought it would be very educational for them to learn vietnamese, a hobby. it would put them ahead of their peers who are learning pretty much just french and spanish. so i asked my maid if she would be willing to teach my children her language, culture, and etc in exchange for extra cash. she gets to practice her teaching skilling and my children get the benefits of a second language. she told me no, that she doesn't want to do that and she's only here to clean. i tried to persuade her but she kept telling me no. i explained it would be no different than someone teaching her kids english. she still refused. the next morning i got a call from the agency saying she didn't want to return and they would be sending a new housekeeper in a couple days. i told my husband what happened. he says i should have dropped it once she said no. yes we could let the kids watch youtube and videos to learn but i rather they have a person to teach them not a computer. my husband is angry cause he really liked her and is trying to get her back. aita? &#x200b;	3,643	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rx33q9/aita_for_asking_my_housekeeper_to_teach_my/	2022-01-06 02:11:01	yta. you were told 'no'. at which point, your job was to shut up and accept her answer for what it was. honestly i do not think it was appropriate for you to even ask in the first place; but since you had convinced yourself you were going to ask, the first response should have prompted immediate apologies for you making her uncomfortable and then never bringing it up ever again. pushing was completely over the line.	yta. if she wanted to be working as a personal tutor, she would be advertising herself that way. you were unbelievably patronising to her, i'm assuming because she is a domestic worker, and you felt like she should be grateful for any opportunity you gave her to earn money, but that's not how that works. you don't get to bully people into doing your bidding. no means no. you asked her a question once, and you should have respected her answer. instead, you persisted in aggressively insisting that she do something that was not part of her job, and specifically told you that she had no interest in doing, literally until you made her uncomfortable to even be around you. you were the epitome of a classist, racist, entitled bully. i can only imagine how badly she must have wanted to get out of there. she does not exist as a vietnamese person to be an educational opportunity for your white children. yta, and unbelievably inappropriate.	i'm absolutely dying at: "i explained it would be no different than someone teaching her kids english" because it's not enough to push back when she said no to the language lessons. oh no, make sure to imply the woman's kids don't know/need to learn english while you're at it. yta	yta no is no is no. when someone tells you "no", that's the end of that conversation. you don't try to guilt them into it, or persuade then into it, and they also don't owe you an explanation.	yta you asked your housekeeper to teach your children vietnamese and about her culture. she said "no". however, you would not take no for an answer and kept pestering her so she requested the agency send a replacement housekeeper because she doesn't want to be badgered. how are you not the a-hole?	yta. no is a complete sentence. she is not at your house 9 hours a day. she has other things to do and your house isn't likely the only one she cleans. she's on a schedule.	yta you want her to teach? pay her a teacher's salary, not a whatever she got for the few hours she spent at your house cleaning before going on to the next house. that includes benefits, pension, etc. she has a job, through an agency, that has obligations. those obligations almost certainly don't leave time for hours of teaching a week above and beyond her actual work. outside of her work hours, she probably has family, friends, and her own self-care to take up her time.	yta i bet you thought you were doing her a favor the whole time, didn’t you? the cleaning lady would jump at some extra money, right? you belittled her mother tongue calling it a “hobby” for her kids. assuming she even wants to spend the time with your children. did you even ask her what she was a teacher of or what age she taught? maybe she was a college professor in mathematics. did you ask if her contract with the agency allows her to even entertain side work off the books for clients or were you pestering her to risk her full time employment cause you thought it would be a cute brag that the cleaning lady taught the kids vietnamese. what made you think she even wants a second job? what made you assume her children didn’t learn english in school in vietnam? most schools outside of america teach children multiple languages starting right away. the whole thing comes off racist, classist, and white savior-y. next time you ask an inappropriate question, stop after someone says no.	you did not consider how difficult it would be for her combine her role of housekeeper to that of a teacher. that's exemplified by how you responded to her saying no. if she was a teacher at your childs school and you asked for special tutoring and that teacher said no, i doubt you would continue to badger them to change their mind. you showed her a great deal of disrespect. yta	yta - you made her so uncomfortable that she has refused to return to your home. maybe examine yourself and how you acted towards her.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my housekeeper is from vietnam. i have no complaints about her as she's wonderful. she is or rather was a teacher in her country but in my mine, she has to take classes again and go through certification all over again. she's only working as a housekeeper while she studies. my husband and i have two children - 8 male and 13 male. i thought it would be very educational for them to learn vietnamese, a hobby. it would put them ahead of their peers who are learning pretty much just french and spanish. so i asked my maid if she would be willing to teach my children her language, culture, and etc in exchange for extra cash. she gets to practice her teaching skilling and my children get the benefits of a second language. she told me no, that she doesn't want to do that and she's only here to clean. i tried to persuade her but she kept telling me no. i explained it would be no different than someone teaching her kids english. she still refused. the next morning i got a call from the agency saying she didn't want to return and they would be sending a new housekeeper in a couple days. i told my husband what happened. he says i should have dropped it once she said no. yes we could let the kids watch youtube and videos to learn but i rather they have a person to teach them not a computer. my husband is angry cause he really liked her and is trying to get her back. aita? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my housekeeper is from vietnam. i have no complaints about her as she's wonderful. she is or rather was a teacher in her country but in my mine, she has to take classes again and go through certification all over again. she's only working as a housekeeper while she studies. my husband and i have two children - 8 male and 13 male. i thought it would be very educational for them to learn vietnamese, a hobby. it would put them ahead of their peers who are learning pretty much just french and spanish. so i asked my maid if she would be willing to teach my children her language, culture, and etc in exchange for extra cash. she gets to practice her teaching skilling and my children get the benefits of a second language. she told me no, that she doesn't want to do that and she's only here to clean. i tried to persuade her but she kept telling me no. i explained it would be no different than someone teaching her kids english. she still refused. the next morning i got a call from the agency saying she didn't want to return and they would be sending a new housekeeper in a couple days. i told my husband what happened. he says i should have dropped it once she said no. yes we could let the kids watch youtube and videos to learn but i rather they have a person to teach them not a computer. my husband is angry cause he really liked her and is trying to get her back. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] yta. you were told 'no'. at which point, your job was to shut up and accept her answer for what it was. honestly i do not think it was appropriate for you to even ask in the first place; but since you had convinced yourself you were going to ask, the first response should have prompted immediate apologies for you making her uncomfortable and then never bringing it up ever again. pushing was completely over the line. </s>
AITA for not calling my husband "my honored husband" in front of his parents?	i am a 28-year-old woman, and have been married to my husband, a 32-year-old man since 2018. my husband is ethnically japanese, and a second-generation american. his parents are from osaka. he kind of sort of half speaks japanese, mostly sentences he has memorized/greetings, and his parents speak great english. on the other hand, i lived in japan for three years, so i am conversationally pretty good. i have studied hard to get to the level i'm at, and i have passed level 2 of the japanese language proficiency test (not great, but not bad). lately, my husband is super into me calling him goshujin sama, which can be translated to "my honored husband." it's extremely unusual to call your own husband this, as it is usually reserved for other people's husbands as a respectful term, but it's kind of an anime/japanese geek culture thing. i was ok with it in private because it makes him happy. last week went to his parents' house for dinner, and on the way over he asked if i could call him goshujin sama all evening. i immediately shot his idea down with a firm "no," because that would be super embarrassing. his parents are native japanese speakers in their 60s. i'm not going to subject them to what you'd pay a waitress in a maid cafe $20 for a cup of coffee to call you. to be honest, i don't think my husband really gets how the phrase is properly used, despite his insistence. he kept trying to convince me, reminding me that he is japanese and knows what is proper (despite the fact that i speak better japanese than him), but i was having none of it. i just shut down and tuned him out. we got there, and some time into the night i called his name to ask if he wanted a drink. despite him being in hearing range, he ignored me. i said it again, and this time he looked at me, gave me this pleading shrug, and then turned back to the tv. i didn't get him a drink and just got myself one. a while later, i said his name again, and he audibly sighed. he told me that he wanted me to call him what i call him at home, to which i responded i would most certainly not be calling him what i call him at home. this was all in front of his parents by the way. on the car drive home, i told him that i wasn't going to call him goshujin sama anymore because he can't draw the line between fun playful couple stuff and his parents. he has sulked for the past week and i don't even know what to do. normally i would not even consider the possibility that i was wrong here, but he's normally a very rational, reasonable, and respectful person. i feel like i'm being gaslighted and don't know what to do. **	22,019	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nl7qz9/aita_for_not_calling_my_husband_my_honored/	2021-05-26 03:55:10	nta, this is so cringe 😬	nta. that sounds more like a kink and i understand why it would be embarrassing. i’m not about to go to my in laws and call my husband daddy to them all night lmao	nta… but is he ok? he sounds like he’s regressing into a child like resistance. like “call me captain america!!” and you agree because he’s a child and he’s having fun. but this is a grown ass man wanting you to tell everyone something kind of intimate (my interpretation) it’s very weird.	nta and he's not acting like a goshujin sama very much right now.	nta he’s being weird. it’s like a kink pet name, like calling your partner “daddy”. he is weird for wanting to do that in front of his parents.	nta you are the one who is linguistically and culturally correct here. go shujin sama or just go shujin is used when referring to someone else’s husband, shujin is used when talking about your own husband to someone else and when younger modern japanese couples talk among themselves they either use their names with san, chan or kun or anata (wife to husband) and kimi (husband to wife). hell, if they have kids it’s not uncommon to call each other mother and father, which i find a bit creepy personally! if you had called him go shujin sama in front of his parents they may have been able to tell him right then and there that it was incorrect outside of an nhk taiga drama but more likely they would think it’s your language mistake because you’re ‘not japanese’ and say nothing - which would be no help to you. your husband is in the wrong in trying to make you do something which would be quite frankly embarrassing outside of your own home. i don’t know why he’s being such a child about it but if i were to think of a darker reason i think he may have been looking forward to ‘impressing’ his parents with how subservient his wife is - not realizing that they wouldn’t have been impressed. btw - my father in law calls my mother in law ‘oi!’ older japanese men aren’t exactly famous for being romantic with their wives!	nta sounds like he was just riding the ego wave with that term. he had no idea when or how its properly used instead he likes the power trip it gives him. hence asking you to appear more like a 50s house wife infront of his parents. glad you stopped using the term at all	nta and i feel like you're translating goshujinsama "literally" in a way to not make your husband look like a total ass. he's "figuratively" telling you to refer to him as "master" like maids do in anime, in front of your parents. sure you can refer to someone else's husband as their goshujin, but you typically don't add sama to it in those cases either unless you're using honorifics. he's being really weird and you're correct to nip this in the bud if he's going do demand you do it in front of his parents. hell if i have a son who's partner calls him goshujinsama while my wife or i are in the room i would be seriously raising my eyebrows to the point where i might actually successfully mimic the rock.	i’m japanese and we never ever would call our husbands goshujinsama. it might have been used generations ago but not anymore. we also sometimes say “gosyujin” to refer to someone’s husband in a formal setting. some in the older generations use“syujin” to refer to their own husband. but in the younger generation we will definitely use other words like “otto”, as “syujin” means master and implies that they are superior. it’s just degrading. it’s a kink that only belongs in your own household.	nta. what is the japanese term for “my sex slave” which is what you next need to call him in front of his parents.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a 28-year-old woman, and have been married to my husband, a 32-year-old man since 2018. my husband is ethnically japanese, and a second-generation american. his parents are from osaka. he kind of sort of half speaks japanese, mostly sentences he has memorized/greetings, and his parents speak great english. on the other hand, i lived in japan for three years, so i am conversationally pretty good. i have studied hard to get to the level i'm at, and i have passed level 2 of the japanese language proficiency test (not great, but not bad). lately, my husband is super into me calling him goshujin sama, which can be translated to "my honored husband." it's extremely unusual to call your own husband this, as it is usually reserved for other people's husbands as a respectful term, but it's kind of an anime/japanese geek culture thing. i was ok with it in private because it makes him happy. last week went to his parents' house for dinner, and on the way over he asked if i could call him goshujin sama all evening. i immediately shot his idea down with a firm "no," because that would be super embarrassing. his parents are native japanese speakers in their 60s. i'm not going to subject them to what you'd pay a waitress in a maid cafe $20 for a cup of coffee to call you. to be honest, i don't think my husband really gets how the phrase is properly used, despite his insistence. he kept trying to convince me, reminding me that he is japanese and knows what is proper (despite the fact that i speak better japanese than him), but i was having none of it. i just shut down and tuned him out. we got there, and some time into the night i called his name to ask if he wanted a drink. despite him being in hearing range, he ignored me. i said it again, and this time he looked at me, gave me this pleading shrug, and then turned back to the tv. i didn't get him a drink and just got myself one. a while later, i said his name again, and he audibly sighed. he told me that he wanted me to call him what i call him at home, to which i responded i would most certainly not be calling him what i call him at home. this was all in front of his parents by the way. on the car drive home, i told him that i wasn't going to call him goshujin sama anymore because he can't draw the line between fun playful couple stuff and his parents. he has sulked for the past week and i don't even know what to do. normally i would not even consider the possibility that i was wrong here, but he's normally a very rational, reasonable, and respectful person. i feel like i'm being gaslighted and don't know what to do. **	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am a 28-year-old woman, and have been married to my husband, a 32-year-old man since 2018. my husband is ethnically japanese, and a second-generation american. his parents are from osaka. he kind of sort of half speaks japanese, mostly sentences he has memorized/greetings, and his parents speak great english. on the other hand, i lived in japan for three years, so i am conversationally pretty good. i have studied hard to get to the level i'm at, and i have passed level 2 of the japanese language proficiency test (not great, but not bad). lately, my husband is super into me calling him goshujin sama, which can be translated to "my honored husband." it's extremely unusual to call your own husband this, as it is usually reserved for other people's husbands as a respectful term, but it's kind of an anime/japanese geek culture thing. i was ok with it in private because it makes him happy. last week went to his parents' house for dinner, and on the way over he asked if i could call him goshujin sama all evening. i immediately shot his idea down with a firm "no," because that would be super embarrassing. his parents are native japanese speakers in their 60s. i'm not going to subject them to what you'd pay a waitress in a maid cafe $20 for a cup of coffee to call you. to be honest, i don't think my husband really gets how the phrase is properly used, despite his insistence. he kept trying to convince me, reminding me that he is japanese and knows what is proper (despite the fact that i speak better japanese than him), but i was having none of it. i just shut down and tuned him out. we got there, and some time into the night i called his name to ask if he wanted a drink. despite him being in hearing range, he ignored me. i said it again, and this time he looked at me, gave me this pleading shrug, and then turned back to the tv. i didn't get him a drink and just got myself one. a while later, i said his name again, and he audibly sighed. he told me that he wanted me to call him what i call him at home, to which i responded i would most certainly not be calling him what i call him at home. this was all in front of his parents by the way. on the car drive home, i told him that i wasn't going to call him goshujin sama anymore because he can't draw the line between fun playful couple stuff and his parents. he has sulked for the past week and i don't even know what to do. normally i would not even consider the possibility that i was wrong here, but he's normally a very rational, reasonable, and respectful person. i feel like i'm being gaslighted and don't know what to do. ** [/INST] nta, this is so cringe 😬 </s>
AITA for telling my daughter to stop making a scene at the skating rink, when she refused to go on after tickets were gifted by my SIL?	i have 2 daughters, m and d with my ex and a stepdaughter, o with my husband. all 3 girls have a big hobby of skating. m and d have been doing it since they were young and o also took it up. as m got older, she mostly skated with her husband and they made up some very nice routines together. he passed last year and m's pretty much refused to step foot in a rink since then. we celebrated thanksgiving in ny with my husband's family this year, m, d and o were all there. we had a day out on our last day, and all the cousins were planning on skating, so m was convinced that she should give it a try now. all tickets had been bought, and paid for/gifted by my sil (no refunds). when m got there, she flat out refused to go on. o tried to comfort her and say it was okay, and the ticket had already been bought. it looked bad, that my sil had spent all this money on buying tickets and now m was pulling this, and i could see sil starting to get mad at m. i went up to her privately and said she can just go on for a little bit, all the family is here and it'll be fun. she insisted no and started crying. i told her to stop making a scene and embarrassing herself in front of everyone. m got upset, and d came off to sit with her. m refused to talk to me afterwards, and she wouldn't interact much with anyone else except d. obviously she's upset and d wasn't happy with me either. but my husband and most of the family there saw/know what happened, and they said m should've at least, or opted out in the first place. aita, for saying that to my daughter at the rink?	3,621	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zakgnw/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_stop_making_a/	2022-12-02 12:11:57	yta. a year is nothing when grieving...sometimes it's like yesterday. who gives a f. if she wasted ticket money. and how expensive is skating??? she's not ready to participate in something she used to enjoy with her husband. you are an asshole	hooly shit yta. how dare your daughter be upset by a blatant reminder that her husband's gone and find the idea of doing something they shared without him to be too much?	yta big time. it was obviously upsetting m and there was no need to pressure her here. op made this post sound like a child threw a tantrum, which speaks volumes about op. the only reason this was an issue was because op couldn't accept a legitimate "no" as answer. info: not sure it will change my vote, but how much were the tickets?	yta...you took the time to write all this out and still can't see that your all assholes.	yta. i just reread this, and i noticed where you said "m was convinced she should give it a try"...convinced in herself, or convinced by the rest of you? not that it really matters. she may have been fine with skating up until the moment she was ready to step on the ice. and then she wasn't. grief is funny like that. you're fine, and then it crashes over you like a tidal wave, seemingly out of nowhere. even worse is you utter lack of concern when she did start to break down. no empathy, no care, no comfort. you were the ones making a scene. you were the ones scolding her and berating her. $55 dollars is money, but it's nothing compared to the well being of your daughter. you all had to make the big stink and push and push. thank god one of your children had enough heart to sit with her, talk to her, listen to her, and care for her.	yta for being more concerned about “causing a scene” and money spent and looking bad than you are about your daughter’s grief and difficulty with getting back on the ice.	yta. sure, she is grieving her husband, but she should put that aside because someone spent money on tickets. sil is the ah for getting angry about this and not being sensitive to m’s feelings, and you are the ah for not standing up for your daughter and turning all her grief down to “a scene.” all of this could have been avoided, first of all, if sil had showed some sensitivity and gotten tickets to anything other than a skating rink, or, when you got there, if all of you had shown an live of empathy and backed off when it was obvious that m was having issues with the event. instead, everyone was more concerned with getting their money’s worth out of the tickets than showing love and concern for the grief of someone that they claim to love.	[deleted]	your reaction to "i am grieving the love of my life and feeling overwhelmed right now" is "suck it up, we paid for this" ?!?!! yta.	yta. her husband died. she is grieving. be supportive.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have 2 daughters, m and d with my ex and a stepdaughter, o with my husband. all 3 girls have a big hobby of skating. m and d have been doing it since they were young and o also took it up. as m got older, she mostly skated with her husband and they made up some very nice routines together. he passed last year and m's pretty much refused to step foot in a rink since then. we celebrated thanksgiving in ny with my husband's family this year, m, d and o were all there. we had a day out on our last day, and all the cousins were planning on skating, so m was convinced that she should give it a try now. all tickets had been bought, and paid for/gifted by my sil (no refunds). when m got there, she flat out refused to go on. o tried to comfort her and say it was okay, and the ticket had already been bought. it looked bad, that my sil had spent all this money on buying tickets and now m was pulling this, and i could see sil starting to get mad at m. i went up to her privately and said she can just go on for a little bit, all the family is here and it'll be fun. she insisted no and started crying. i told her to stop making a scene and embarrassing herself in front of everyone. m got upset, and d came off to sit with her. m refused to talk to me afterwards, and she wouldn't interact much with anyone else except d. obviously she's upset and d wasn't happy with me either. but my husband and most of the family there saw/know what happened, and they said m should've at least, or opted out in the first place. aita, for saying that to my daughter at the rink?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have 2 daughters, m and d with my ex and a stepdaughter, o with my husband. all 3 girls have a big hobby of skating. m and d have been doing it since they were young and o also took it up. as m got older, she mostly skated with her husband and they made up some very nice routines together. he passed last year and m's pretty much refused to step foot in a rink since then. we celebrated thanksgiving in ny with my husband's family this year, m, d and o were all there. we had a day out on our last day, and all the cousins were planning on skating, so m was convinced that she should give it a try now. all tickets had been bought, and paid for/gifted by my sil (no refunds). when m got there, she flat out refused to go on. o tried to comfort her and say it was okay, and the ticket had already been bought. it looked bad, that my sil had spent all this money on buying tickets and now m was pulling this, and i could see sil starting to get mad at m. i went up to her privately and said she can just go on for a little bit, all the family is here and it'll be fun. she insisted no and started crying. i told her to stop making a scene and embarrassing herself in front of everyone. m got upset, and d came off to sit with her. m refused to talk to me afterwards, and she wouldn't interact much with anyone else except d. obviously she's upset and d wasn't happy with me either. but my husband and most of the family there saw/know what happened, and they said m should've at least, or opted out in the first place. aita, for saying that to my daughter at the rink? [/INST] yta. a year is nothing when grieving...sometimes it's like yesterday. who gives a f. if she wasted ticket money. and how expensive is skating??? she's not ready to participate in something she used to enjoy with her husband. you are an asshole </s>
AITA for not letting my son buy a computer with the money he saved up on?	hi, i’m new to reddit, and only saw it on a youtube video, so i thought i would give i a try. my son (15) last year asked about getting a gaming computer. my son has the tendency to really want something for around a week, but then drop it after i say he can’t have it. he asked about building a computer and we talked about it. we agreed on a budget of around $1000. i told him if he could save up, he could get it. fast forward a year later, and he did save up $1000. the only reason i had even talked about budget was to humor him for a while. he came into me and my husbands room and basically did a presentation on what he was going to buy. i asked him what would the cost be and he said $1100. he does have around $1300 in his account. i shut it down immediately. he’s 15 and needs to save for a car. me and my husband both think that 1100 is outrageous. he has a xbox if he wants to play games. and he also has a chromebook for schoolwork. he tells me that it’s not that simple. but $1100 is crazy. i told him that he could spend $500 and now he won’t leave his room because “i lied to him, and got his hopes up.” i just know that $1100 is way to much. he can get a nice computer for $500. so reddit, am i the asshole?	4,112	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hsx2ns/aita_for_not_letting_my_son_buy_a_computer_with/	2020-07-17 14:54:38	yta. 'son, if you work hard and save your money you're allowed to buy a nice $1000 computer'. just kidding, you're not allowed at all. of course you're ta, and he's right you did lie and get his hopes up.	yta >we agreed on a budget of around $1000. i told him if he could save up, he could get it. > >the only reason i had even talked about budget was to humor him for a while. so you lied. how are you not the asshole? >me and my husband both think that 1100 is outrageous. do you or your husband know anything about gaming pcs? i'd say that's a reasonable mid-range build. >he has a xbox if he wants to play games. not all games are available on xbox. it's also a different gaming experience. >and he also has a chromebook for schoolwork. he wants a gaming pc. a laptop doesn't even compare. >he’s 15 and needs to save for a car. does he want a car? does he need a car? are you forcing him to purchase a car with his money? have you informed him of this? you and your husband seem very controlling considering it's not your money he's spending.	yta. reneging on a promise to a teenager after he fulfills his end of the bargain is a betrayal, one that he won't soon forget. he's quite right - you did lie to him and got his hopes up. you're within your rights to question whether he should spend the $1100 on a computer or save for a car and discuss it with him, but in the end, it's his money, he did everything you told him to do. you're teaching him not to trust you, and i promise you, he won't if you don't reconsider.	yta. like, big time. you told your son that if he saved up $1000, he could get a computer within that budget. well, guess what — he did. and he wants a computer relatively within that budget. you lied to him and betrayed his trust. no wonder he won’t talk to you.	yta. there's a huge difference between a "nice" 500$ computer and an 1100$ gaming computer. it's also his money.	yta. you spoke with him, gave him a budget and he's researched this which shows he's definitely interested. plus he worked for a year and $1100 for a computer really isn't that expensive. if need be he can continue saving for a car given he's now gotten in the habit of it you absolutely lied to him, all you've done is give him a lesson on how he can't trust what you say. given how he's worked hard and saved and planned it's absolutely a lesson he'll remember.	you did lie to him. yta. if he was capable of saving 1300 in a year he can do it again. also, it’s his money. i’d be damned if my mom told me i couldn’t spend my own money on a computer.	yta. it’s his money. if he chooses to spend money on a computer rather than save for a car that’s his decision to make	yta - jesus, your son works his ass off to a hive his goal only to have his parents pull the rug underneath him. what kind of lesson is that? it sounds like your son would have more than enough ambition to earn additional money to buy a car. but why would he after this life lesson?	yta. "alright son, if you save up $1000, we will get you a gaming computer" "hey mom, i saved up $1300, can i get that computer that we discussed" "get fucked son, you actually thought i was gonna hold up my end of the deal"	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi, i’m new to reddit, and only saw it on a youtube video, so i thought i would give i a try. my son (15) last year asked about getting a gaming computer. my son has the tendency to really want something for around a week, but then drop it after i say he can’t have it. he asked about building a computer and we talked about it. we agreed on a budget of around $1000. i told him if he could save up, he could get it. fast forward a year later, and he did save up $1000. the only reason i had even talked about budget was to humor him for a while. he came into me and my husbands room and basically did a presentation on what he was going to buy. i asked him what would the cost be and he said $1100. he does have around $1300 in his account. i shut it down immediately. he’s 15 and needs to save for a car. me and my husband both think that 1100 is outrageous. he has a xbox if he wants to play games. and he also has a chromebook for schoolwork. he tells me that it’s not that simple. but $1100 is crazy. i told him that he could spend $500 and now he won’t leave his room because “i lied to him, and got his hopes up.” i just know that $1100 is way to much. he can get a nice computer for $500. so reddit, am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hi, i’m new to reddit, and only saw it on a youtube video, so i thought i would give i a try. my son (15) last year asked about getting a gaming computer. my son has the tendency to really want something for around a week, but then drop it after i say he can’t have it. he asked about building a computer and we talked about it. we agreed on a budget of around $1000. i told him if he could save up, he could get it. fast forward a year later, and he did save up $1000. the only reason i had even talked about budget was to humor him for a while. he came into me and my husbands room and basically did a presentation on what he was going to buy. i asked him what would the cost be and he said $1100. he does have around $1300 in his account. i shut it down immediately. he’s 15 and needs to save for a car. me and my husband both think that 1100 is outrageous. he has a xbox if he wants to play games. and he also has a chromebook for schoolwork. he tells me that it’s not that simple. but $1100 is crazy. i told him that he could spend $500 and now he won’t leave his room because “i lied to him, and got his hopes up.” i just know that $1100 is way to much. he can get a nice computer for $500. so reddit, am i the asshole? [/INST] yta. 'son, if you work hard and save your money you're allowed to buy a nice $1000 computer'. just kidding, you're not allowed at all. of course you're ta, and he's right you did lie and get his hopes up. </s>
AITA for asking a fat lady to give up her seat to a late pregnant mother and her SO	so i was on the bus yesterday and it was packed. but this lady was so big that none was able to sit next to her. now i had a seat on the bus for a while but as a student i give up my seat to other people as thats my schools expectation. but the entire time i had been on the bus this lady had been sitting in a 2 person seat by herself. now when i get on its already full with many people normally standing and it really got on my nerves that this lady had the audacity to take up 2 seats. but when a lady who was deep into her pregnancy and her so got on the bus it really annoyed me. after 2 or o minutes and no one had offered them or her alone i worked up the strength to ask her if she would get up and give her seat to the couple. &#x200b; thats where i stuffed up. so i asked her politely if she would give up her seat so the lady didn't have to suffer with the pregnancy as badly. (something along the lines of "excuse me ma'm would you mind giving up your seat so the lady over there could sit down so its a less unpleasant experience for her, if you could i'm sure they would greatly appreciate it) &#x200b; apparently this was super rude and she got really offended and started shouting that i was 'fatphobic' and rude and that she would report this slight to my schools headmaster and get me suspended or expelled. &#x200b; so reddit aita. &#x200b; \[edit\] \-ok then i'm an asshole it though what i was doing was good but it turns out she probably had justifiable reasons for the 2 seats. &#x200b; &#x200b; \[edit 2\]\] \- thx for silver kind anonymous redditor.	11,498	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b1s43i/aita_for_asking_a_fat_lady_to_give_up_her_seat_to/	2019-03-16 12:51:11	yta if this woman was as large as you say, standing on the bus is also a bad, unsafe option for her. she could easily be suffering from an invisible disability. you’re specifically an asshole because you singled her out for being fat. it sounds like there were other people sitting. you could’ve asked them.	yta. first, not your business. second, why didn’t you chide anyone else on the bus to give up their seat? perhaps her assessment of you wasn’t too far off.	yta- first, its not your business and you don’t know why she is overweight. also, why did you single out her specifically? just because her presence and the “audacity” she had to take up two seats? that’s totally rude and out of line, especially given that you mentioned her taking up two seats had bothered you the whole ride. mind your business.	yta. you singled her out because she was larger than everyone else. her response is completely justified. you said it yourself; you saw her taking up 2 seats so you thought you should say something. say it however you want, as politely as you want but the reason for you going up to her was because she was fat. 100% yta.	esh, bring on the downvotes. i’m not fatphobic, but i also know a lot of large people use this as an excuse. it’s not a handicap. but the pregnant lady or her so should have been the ones to ask her to move, so you should’ve just minded your own business.	nta, wtf is wrong with people in this thread	yta. don’t tell other people what to do. i’d offer my seat but i’ve also been pregnant. we are not helpless.	nta. i'm sorry, but if you're so big that you're taking up two seats, then the person should get up and move. i'm pretty sure many will disagree with me, but we're all here to give our opinions. there is no reason to take up two seats. i'm a bigger girl myself...and as my user name implies i'm also in the medical field. usually being fat is not from a medical disorder. it's from lack of self control. do some actual medical, peer reviewed research and see for yourself. she should have moved over for the pregnant woman. everyone saying yta probably don't give up their seats for pregnant women. many women are high risk pregnancies or have pains everywhere. i'm currently pregnant, my whole body hurts. but guess what? i still have to bring my painful ass to work everyday until i can get my maternity leave. just like most pregnant women. we still have to go out and run errands and live our lives. for the fat lady to stand for once, or move over more would not have killed her. people need to start doing good for others and stop thinking only about themselves. being fat is a choice (for most people) just like getting pregnant. but imo, being pregnant gets priority over being fat. &#x200b;	yta - honestly, who gave you the rights?? you didn't even know the couples!!! that pregnant woman, if she was really in difficult, could have spoken for herself, and if she couldn't her so could have. the only thing you did was judging a person because of her weight and then get offended when she called you fatphobic. what did you expect?! you got angry at her, even though you asked politely by your post is clear how you feel, only because she is fat. that's what happend. you are the asshole.	yta - the only one who needed a seat was the pregnant lady, not her so. one seat. if you were so determined to get that pregnant lady a seat you could have asked literally any able-bodied person on that bus.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	0.15977	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i was on the bus yesterday and it was packed. but this lady was so big that none was able to sit next to her. now i had a seat on the bus for a while but as a student i give up my seat to other people as thats my schools expectation. but the entire time i had been on the bus this lady had been sitting in a 2 person seat by herself. now when i get on its already full with many people normally standing and it really got on my nerves that this lady had the audacity to take up 2 seats. but when a lady who was deep into her pregnancy and her so got on the bus it really annoyed me. after 2 or o minutes and no one had offered them or her alone i worked up the strength to ask her if she would get up and give her seat to the couple. &#x200b; thats where i stuffed up. so i asked her politely if she would give up her seat so the lady didn't have to suffer with the pregnancy as badly. (something along the lines of "excuse me ma'm would you mind giving up your seat so the lady over there could sit down so its a less unpleasant experience for her, if you could i'm sure they would greatly appreciate it) &#x200b; apparently this was super rude and she got really offended and started shouting that i was 'fatphobic' and rude and that she would report this slight to my schools headmaster and get me suspended or expelled. &#x200b; so reddit aita. &#x200b; \[edit\] \-ok then i'm an asshole it though what i was doing was good but it turns out she probably had justifiable reasons for the 2 seats. &#x200b; &#x200b; \[edit 2\]\] \- thx for silver kind anonymous redditor.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so i was on the bus yesterday and it was packed. but this lady was so big that none was able to sit next to her. now i had a seat on the bus for a while but as a student i give up my seat to other people as thats my schools expectation. but the entire time i had been on the bus this lady had been sitting in a 2 person seat by herself. now when i get on its already full with many people normally standing and it really got on my nerves that this lady had the audacity to take up 2 seats. but when a lady who was deep into her pregnancy and her so got on the bus it really annoyed me. after 2 or o minutes and no one had offered them or her alone i worked up the strength to ask her if she would get up and give her seat to the couple. &#x200b; thats where i stuffed up. so i asked her politely if she would give up her seat so the lady didn't have to suffer with the pregnancy as badly. (something along the lines of "excuse me ma'm would you mind giving up your seat so the lady over there could sit down so its a less unpleasant experience for her, if you could i'm sure they would greatly appreciate it) &#x200b; apparently this was super rude and she got really offended and started shouting that i was 'fatphobic' and rude and that she would report this slight to my schools headmaster and get me suspended or expelled. &#x200b; so reddit aita. &#x200b; \[edit\] \-ok then i'm an asshole it though what i was doing was good but it turns out she probably had justifiable reasons for the 2 seats. &#x200b; &#x200b; \[edit 2\]\] \- thx for silver kind anonymous redditor. [/INST] yta if this woman was as large as you say, standing on the bus is also a bad, unsafe option for her. she could easily be suffering from an invisible disability. you’re specifically an asshole because you singled her out for being fat. it sounds like there were other people sitting. you could’ve asked them. </s>
AITA for telling my friend she should understand I'm going to pick my husband over her every time?	i've been married for 6 beautiful, awesome years. i love my husband. he's my best friend and will be no matter what. words cannot describe how great he is. i'm just so lucky. last year we moved to a completely new state. we started new jobs and got the ball rolling but one thing i've noticed is i never could make long term friendships. i got a long with my coworkers but never hung out with them. then i met amelia who was super great and willing to hang out with me. we had a lot of good times to where i could finally call her my friend. she knows i love my husband and will put him first all the time. there have been times i cancelled on amelia because my husband and i wanted to have a sudden date night or such. she's been pretty cool about it. she just say we'll reschedule. i don't know why but today was different. 2 weeks ago we decided to pick a date to go to a haunted attraction, which ended up being tonight. i saved up some money for it. then yesterday my husband announced he had the day off and said lets have a whole day as a date. i said we could use the money i had saved up for the attraction and just reschedule with amelia. i told her this morning and instead of her okay cool message, she told me she was hating being second choice and she was really excited for this night. i told her my husband will always come first, he'll always come before her or any friend. she told me i obviously don't need a friend then because i don't have any time open for others. my husband feels guilty but i'm trying to prove he shouldn't be. aita? who wouldn't put their spouse before a friend?	9,972	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jd4bm1/aita_for_telling_my_friend_she_should_understand/	2020-10-17 22:13:59	yta it's not "putting your husband second" to honor your commitments. you and amelia had planned this for weeks and you're running out of chances to do this seasonal activity. you let your friend down and she's right. you don't want a friend, you just want an option for when your husband is busy.	yta. you can’t continuously cancel on people and think that’s ok. i think we know why you don’t have many friendships	yta - i’m married myself so my spouse comes first but i don’t take a dump on someone else’s schedule. that’s what you do when you cancel on her all of a sudden.	you're not putting your husband first, you're making plans with someone and then canceling because your husband decided last minute to have a date night, multiple times. that's not okay. don't make plans if you know you'll just blow her off if hubby is available. yta	yta she sounds like she has def been understanding and willing to meet you halfway as far as being understanding and not getting upset. but there's a difference between choosing your husband because you have to and you want to. ok great he has the whole day off.... you already committed to plans. personally i don't find it surprising you don't have any genuine friendships. and it's great that you have an amazing marriage but let's hope for your sake it always stays that way because if not you will have burnt all your bridges as far as having a support system there for you. you sound like you have some co dependancy issues with your husband. you're supposed to mesh your life with someones when you marry them, not forget that you are still entirely your own person.	yta don’t be a flake. you started the whole post by talking about how it’s hard for you to make friends, only to treat the only friend you seemingly have badly. sounds like all you need is your husband.	yta - listen, i'm a single friend in a group of married or soon to be married people. when we make plans, they show up. sure, sometimes we have to cancel on each other because life comes up, but that's different than cancelling just because. you're not "putting your spouse first." you're treating your single friend like she's absolutely nothing to you. good on your friend for putting her foot down, honestly.	info does your husband know you're blowing off your so-called friend every time he expresses even the most minor interest in spending time with you? if i were i your husband i'd be mortified that my casual "hey, you want to do something tonight?" was being used as fuel to cancel last-minute over, and over, and over again.	yta. this isn't "putting your husband first", this is you being flaky and unreliable to a friend when you've made plans in advance.	yta and i think i know why you have trouble making and keeping friends. making plans with someone and then dropping them the instant your husband is free is pretty poor behavior. it's not about putting your friend before your husband, it's about honoring your commitments.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been married for 6 beautiful, awesome years. i love my husband. he's my best friend and will be no matter what. words cannot describe how great he is. i'm just so lucky. last year we moved to a completely new state. we started new jobs and got the ball rolling but one thing i've noticed is i never could make long term friendships. i got a long with my coworkers but never hung out with them. then i met amelia who was super great and willing to hang out with me. we had a lot of good times to where i could finally call her my friend. she knows i love my husband and will put him first all the time. there have been times i cancelled on amelia because my husband and i wanted to have a sudden date night or such. she's been pretty cool about it. she just say we'll reschedule. i don't know why but today was different. 2 weeks ago we decided to pick a date to go to a haunted attraction, which ended up being tonight. i saved up some money for it. then yesterday my husband announced he had the day off and said lets have a whole day as a date. i said we could use the money i had saved up for the attraction and just reschedule with amelia. i told her this morning and instead of her okay cool message, she told me she was hating being second choice and she was really excited for this night. i told her my husband will always come first, he'll always come before her or any friend. she told me i obviously don't need a friend then because i don't have any time open for others. my husband feels guilty but i'm trying to prove he shouldn't be. aita? who wouldn't put their spouse before a friend?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i've been married for 6 beautiful, awesome years. i love my husband. he's my best friend and will be no matter what. words cannot describe how great he is. i'm just so lucky. last year we moved to a completely new state. we started new jobs and got the ball rolling but one thing i've noticed is i never could make long term friendships. i got a long with my coworkers but never hung out with them. then i met amelia who was super great and willing to hang out with me. we had a lot of good times to where i could finally call her my friend. she knows i love my husband and will put him first all the time. there have been times i cancelled on amelia because my husband and i wanted to have a sudden date night or such. she's been pretty cool about it. she just say we'll reschedule. i don't know why but today was different. 2 weeks ago we decided to pick a date to go to a haunted attraction, which ended up being tonight. i saved up some money for it. then yesterday my husband announced he had the day off and said lets have a whole day as a date. i said we could use the money i had saved up for the attraction and just reschedule with amelia. i told her this morning and instead of her okay cool message, she told me she was hating being second choice and she was really excited for this night. i told her my husband will always come first, he'll always come before her or any friend. she told me i obviously don't need a friend then because i don't have any time open for others. my husband feels guilty but i'm trying to prove he shouldn't be. aita? who wouldn't put their spouse before a friend? [/INST] yta it's not "putting your husband second" to honor your commitments. you and amelia had planned this for weeks and you're running out of chances to do this seasonal activity. you let your friend down and she's right. you don't want a friend, you just want an option for when your husband is busy. </s>
AITA for refusing to pay for my wife’s meal because she keeps forgetting to bring any money	i usually go out with my wife about every friday night. when we were dating she very commonly forget to bring her purse or money at all so i would for her but i’ve been doing this for years and i have reached my absolute limit. i’ve been frustrated paying her her before but i never said anything as i didn’t her to think i was selfish. about a week ago we decided to go eat at family restaurant with my wife and stepdaughter. in the car i asked her if she brought any money and she said that she didn’t so i told her go into the house before we leave and bring some cash. she went in and claimed she brought her purse with cash inside. at the restaurant we receive our bill and what do you know my wife left her purse in the car. i told her to go bring and gave her the keys. she said it wasn’t in there. i went to check myself and it’s really not there. she’s looks embarrassed at our table and asks her own daughter to pay for her meal. my stepdaughter was going to do it but i told her to leave it as i would pay. i told my wife this was the last straw and that she was intentionally doing this. she denied my accusations and said to keep it down but the minute we got in the car she called me an asshole for just not paying. i responded with the fact that she 100% had the money to pay as she worked a good job and that this was ridiculous. she said i was still being a dick and i needed to think about i just said. i don’t think i did anything wrong. aita?	7,464	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/suj13g/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_wifes_meal/	2022-02-17 07:30:07	yta. if you had a problem with this thing she did frequently while you were dating, why did you marry her? why go for public embarrassment instead of just talking to her? way to address this in the most passive-aggressive way possible. honestly, why are you even counting pennies like this with your wife?	yta since you're married and as you stated in a comment below, you share funds. then what is the problem? it's coming out of the same account either way. you need to lighten up, i think you're taking out other frustrations out on your wife.	info: if you share funds, why does it matter? this just seems weird to me	yta. by your own words you went from never saying anything to making a scene because your frustrations boiled over. you’ve gotta learn to communicate better than that if you want a marriage to work out. also nothing you said backs up your assertion that she is intentionally dodging the bill.	info: do you guys not share funds? why not?	esh. this far into your relationship, stuff like this should have been sorted out. why not get a joint account to which you both contribute equally; and you take your friday night dinners out of it?	[removed]	yta. whether you technically share bank accounts or not you’re on the same damn team. act like it.	info. this post is kind of confusing, do you not have shared marital assets?	omg dude yta when i first read this i was totally on your side. she has to be ta right? i mean.. who goes 6 years never picking up a cheque? who actively tells their partner they brought money with them and deliberately doesn't do it? that's deliberate deception to get out of paying. what a b word! then i find out that you share funds and she actively contributes to that by working a good job! what the actual fuck? she did pay for the meal - or at least - she did contribute to paying for the meal! if you have shared funds and she works a good job - dude she paid. she just didn't physically put the money down. what difference does it make who puts the money down? would you rather she did and then sat there acting like she'd paid for you and lorded that over you while knowing that it was actually a shared effort - ya know.. like you did in this post. you are so ta here.. and you need to apologize, and probably buy her flowers -which she'll also be helping to pay for. you need to think about this and the fact that you did this and put her in this position, infront of the daughter. that's not ok. you made a scene for no reason. get off of reddit and go make it right.	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	INFO	ESH	null	YTA	INFO	YTA	0.069284	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i usually go out with my wife about every friday night. when we were dating she very commonly forget to bring her purse or money at all so i would for her but i’ve been doing this for years and i have reached my absolute limit. i’ve been frustrated paying her her before but i never said anything as i didn’t her to think i was selfish. about a week ago we decided to go eat at family restaurant with my wife and stepdaughter. in the car i asked her if she brought any money and she said that she didn’t so i told her go into the house before we leave and bring some cash. she went in and claimed she brought her purse with cash inside. at the restaurant we receive our bill and what do you know my wife left her purse in the car. i told her to go bring and gave her the keys. she said it wasn’t in there. i went to check myself and it’s really not there. she’s looks embarrassed at our table and asks her own daughter to pay for her meal. my stepdaughter was going to do it but i told her to leave it as i would pay. i told my wife this was the last straw and that she was intentionally doing this. she denied my accusations and said to keep it down but the minute we got in the car she called me an asshole for just not paying. i responded with the fact that she 100% had the money to pay as she worked a good job and that this was ridiculous. she said i was still being a dick and i needed to think about i just said. i don’t think i did anything wrong. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i usually go out with my wife about every friday night. when we were dating she very commonly forget to bring her purse or money at all so i would for her but i’ve been doing this for years and i have reached my absolute limit. i’ve been frustrated paying her her before but i never said anything as i didn’t her to think i was selfish. about a week ago we decided to go eat at family restaurant with my wife and stepdaughter. in the car i asked her if she brought any money and she said that she didn’t so i told her go into the house before we leave and bring some cash. she went in and claimed she brought her purse with cash inside. at the restaurant we receive our bill and what do you know my wife left her purse in the car. i told her to go bring and gave her the keys. she said it wasn’t in there. i went to check myself and it’s really not there. she’s looks embarrassed at our table and asks her own daughter to pay for her meal. my stepdaughter was going to do it but i told her to leave it as i would pay. i told my wife this was the last straw and that she was intentionally doing this. she denied my accusations and said to keep it down but the minute we got in the car she called me an asshole for just not paying. i responded with the fact that she 100% had the money to pay as she worked a good job and that this was ridiculous. she said i was still being a dick and i needed to think about i just said. i don’t think i did anything wrong. aita? [/INST] yta. if you had a problem with this thing she did frequently while you were dating, why did you marry her? why go for public embarrassment instead of just talking to her? way to address this in the most passive-aggressive way possible. honestly, why are you even counting pennies like this with your wife? </s>
AITA for leaving my fiance over his reaction to me getting a student suspended	i am a librarian at a prek-12 school. i lead one class every period with the younger kids, and high schoolers are free to use the library at any time during the day. for any women that teach small kids, you know that they grab your boobs. a lot. it's not intentional, my boobs are just eye level for the kids and they often use them for balance or to get my attention. they don't realize what they're doing. usually i just say "watch your hands!" or gently move their hands away, but i don't get mad, because they're little and they don't understand that they're doing something wrong. one day, i was crouched down next to a 6 year old helping him find a book. he stumbled and grabbed my chest. again, not a big deal, but one of the 17 year olds in the library saw it happened and yelled, "looks like ms. aitaitaita is letting the boys cop a feel." i went up to him and told him he was being inappropriate and threaten detention and all that, and he gets lippy (his friends were watching) and reaches out and grabs my boob. i could tell from his face that he knew he fucked up as soon as he did it and i took him straight to the office. the principal tore him a new one, and then we discussed it for a bit and decided that a 3 day suspension and a call home was appropriate, since the kid was clearly scared shitless and seemed to both of us to be more of a smartass than a danger to students or other teachers. the suspension will also have to be reported to colleges, which is what my (ex)fiance took issue with. i told my fiance about it that night and he didn't react as expected. he said that the high schooler was just a kid who clearly didn't realize what he was doing, and it was a double standard to punish him and not punish the younger kids for the same infraction. i pushed back because i think there's a huge difference between being 6 and being 17, and he accused me of being an unfair teacher who was targeting a student because i weighed in on the punishment, and therefore he wasn't treated impartially. he also told me that this being on the kids record was too harsh and he didn't deserve to be marked forever for a "joke." i pointed out he should know better, but he just doubled down on telling me i should learn to take a joke and laugh it off and not be such a bitch. i tried to discuss it several times but he wouldn't budge, and i felt incredibly unsupported and hurt, so i decided to break off the engagement. his friends have been reaching out and accusing me of being unfair and rash. aita?	20,194	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aylk38/aita_for_leaving_my_fiance_over_his_reaction_to/	2019-03-08 03:26:17	nta. no. god, no. you were groped by a student and your fiance took his side? and he told you not be such a bitch? i don't blame you one bit for ending it. thank god you found out his true nature before marrying him.	nta - this guy thinks a 17 year old touching you innapropriately on purpose to impress his friends is the same as a 6 year old stumbling and grabbing something he didn't even realize was your breast. if he didn't understand that after you explained the situation in that way then there's something wrong with him.	nta. nta at all. your ex fiance is a huuuuuge steaming pile of asshole though. good for you for leaving him. don't ever second guess your decision here.	nta at all holy fucking shit. i’m a school law attorney. and a woman. any person who “jokingly” grabs a women’s breasts to “look cool to his friends” is a person on the right fucking track to sexually assaulting/raping someone while proclaiming he had “no idea what he was doing.” the fact that he was clearly scared shitless while being reprimanded shows he’s a person willing to set the comfort and safety of women aside to amuse his friends. who in their right mind is fucking okay with this? on top of that, he sexually assaulted you. and it is sexual assault because he knew damn well what he was doing and did it anyway. my god, i am so fucking sorry that you not only had to deal with this asshat teenager but that your fiancé fundamentally fails to understand the basic reality of the situation. jesus christ. i’m actually shocked by your finances reaction.	nta. a seventeen year old is vastly different than a six year old. your ex was being absolutely disgusting and unsupportive, my husband would have been outraged had somebody invaded my space.	nta, what the kid did was not okay, and the type of behavior your ex is saying is okay because it’s just a “joke” is no excuse. these teens need to learn early on that there are consequences to their actions. and what if he grabs a girls breast when he’s 18 as a “joke”? that’s assault, and he would learn a lot tougher lesson then. honestly, your fiancé doesn’t sound like a good guy, and you can find someone better who realizes that behavior as a teen shouldn’t be shrugged off due to being a “joke”. you are definitely nta and good on you for standing your ground!	nta. just so i’m clear, you were sexually assisted by a student and your fiancé says you were to harsh pushing for a 3 day suspension? as opposed to calling the police, for instance? your ex is a moron.	nta. “hearing” you’re fiancé say he shouldn’t be punished for a joke reminds me of the rapists that have abused women in high school or college, and get a little probation because the judge doesn’t want to dirty up their record. the kid needs to be suspended and understand sexual harrassment is not a joke, otherwise he takes it further next time. as for the 6 year old. he is doing it accidentally. the 17 purposely molested you. i know you may feel hurt or regret for breaking off the engagement, but you did the right thing. do you want to have a daughter with a man that thinks groping women can ever be mistaken for joke?	nta just tell the friends you don't want your fiance in an ackward position when some guys at the bar decides to get handsy with you, but your husband doesn't wanna make a big deal or put anything damaging in their "permanent records". also undergrad college admissions are a joke nowadays. if the student makes ten applications and can't get into a single school, it's more to do with his own grades then his disciplinary record (but even then i'd be surprised if no school would take him)	>he just doubled down on telling me i should learn to take a joke and laugh it off and not be such a bitch. so nta. not even a little bit. he is definitely not the one for you. or any woman.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a librarian at a prek-12 school. i lead one class every period with the younger kids, and high schoolers are free to use the library at any time during the day. for any women that teach small kids, you know that they grab your boobs. a lot. it's not intentional, my boobs are just eye level for the kids and they often use them for balance or to get my attention. they don't realize what they're doing. usually i just say "watch your hands!" or gently move their hands away, but i don't get mad, because they're little and they don't understand that they're doing something wrong. one day, i was crouched down next to a 6 year old helping him find a book. he stumbled and grabbed my chest. again, not a big deal, but one of the 17 year olds in the library saw it happened and yelled, "looks like ms. aitaitaita is letting the boys cop a feel." i went up to him and told him he was being inappropriate and threaten detention and all that, and he gets lippy (his friends were watching) and reaches out and grabs my boob. i could tell from his face that he knew he fucked up as soon as he did it and i took him straight to the office. the principal tore him a new one, and then we discussed it for a bit and decided that a 3 day suspension and a call home was appropriate, since the kid was clearly scared shitless and seemed to both of us to be more of a smartass than a danger to students or other teachers. the suspension will also have to be reported to colleges, which is what my (ex)fiance took issue with. i told my fiance about it that night and he didn't react as expected. he said that the high schooler was just a kid who clearly didn't realize what he was doing, and it was a double standard to punish him and not punish the younger kids for the same infraction. i pushed back because i think there's a huge difference between being 6 and being 17, and he accused me of being an unfair teacher who was targeting a student because i weighed in on the punishment, and therefore he wasn't treated impartially. he also told me that this being on the kids record was too harsh and he didn't deserve to be marked forever for a "joke." i pointed out he should know better, but he just doubled down on telling me i should learn to take a joke and laugh it off and not be such a bitch. i tried to discuss it several times but he wouldn't budge, and i felt incredibly unsupported and hurt, so i decided to break off the engagement. his friends have been reaching out and accusing me of being unfair and rash. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am a librarian at a prek-12 school. i lead one class every period with the younger kids, and high schoolers are free to use the library at any time during the day. for any women that teach small kids, you know that they grab your boobs. a lot. it's not intentional, my boobs are just eye level for the kids and they often use them for balance or to get my attention. they don't realize what they're doing. usually i just say "watch your hands!" or gently move their hands away, but i don't get mad, because they're little and they don't understand that they're doing something wrong. one day, i was crouched down next to a 6 year old helping him find a book. he stumbled and grabbed my chest. again, not a big deal, but one of the 17 year olds in the library saw it happened and yelled, "looks like ms. aitaitaita is letting the boys cop a feel." i went up to him and told him he was being inappropriate and threaten detention and all that, and he gets lippy (his friends were watching) and reaches out and grabs my boob. i could tell from his face that he knew he fucked up as soon as he did it and i took him straight to the office. the principal tore him a new one, and then we discussed it for a bit and decided that a 3 day suspension and a call home was appropriate, since the kid was clearly scared shitless and seemed to both of us to be more of a smartass than a danger to students or other teachers. the suspension will also have to be reported to colleges, which is what my (ex)fiance took issue with. i told my fiance about it that night and he didn't react as expected. he said that the high schooler was just a kid who clearly didn't realize what he was doing, and it was a double standard to punish him and not punish the younger kids for the same infraction. i pushed back because i think there's a huge difference between being 6 and being 17, and he accused me of being an unfair teacher who was targeting a student because i weighed in on the punishment, and therefore he wasn't treated impartially. he also told me that this being on the kids record was too harsh and he didn't deserve to be marked forever for a "joke." i pointed out he should know better, but he just doubled down on telling me i should learn to take a joke and laugh it off and not be such a bitch. i tried to discuss it several times but he wouldn't budge, and i felt incredibly unsupported and hurt, so i decided to break off the engagement. his friends have been reaching out and accusing me of being unfair and rash. aita? [/INST] nta. no. god, no. you were groped by a student and your fiance took his side? and he told you not be such a bitch? i don't blame you one bit for ending it. thank god you found out his true nature before marrying him. </s>
AITA for walking out of the restaurant over a joke between my Fiance and his friend?	i f30 used to work as a sex worker in my early to mid 20s. not so proud of it but i had no choice. i had to get money to be able to keep my siblings and myself from homelessness. i met my fiance martin m32 over a year ago, he knows every single detail about my life and everyday tells me he loves me no matter what. his family are literally saints so i kind of hit the jackpot in the inlaws dept. however, his friends...not so much. some of them make comments about my past and throw in some words that i find rather offensive but i thought to myself "giiirl you just being too sensitive, just let it go". last week we went out to the restaurant to celebrate martin's birthday with his friends and family. one of his closest friends "antonio" has a habit of making nasty jokes and laughing publicly. martin was talking to his friends while i was talking to my mother inlaw talking. antonio looked around and praised the restaurant and the atmesphere for the party. martin nodded after antonio told him he's lucky he got all that for his birthday then complained about not having family to celebrate his upcoming birthday. he then told martin "perhaps i can borrow (my name) for some bj on my upcoming birthday". i was appalled, but when i turned to see how martin woupd react, martin just laughed and said "hahaha well, how much are you willing to pay?". i froze. now i might have overreacted but i had a terrible look on my face as i looked at martin. then i got up, gathered my stuff including the gift i got him then started making my way out. my inlaws noticed and i could hear martin yelling after me. he followed me outside begging me to wait but i kept walking. he said it was just a joke between him and his buddy and i was overreacting for no reason at all. i started arguing with him about how he was not only ok with his buddy humiliating me but playing along in his god awful joke. he insisted i overreacted and was being oversenstive. i got into a taxi and went home. after he came back he started complaining about how i embarrassed him and ruined the celebration by walking out. i reminded him of what he did and he said it was just a joke! and the only one who has an issue with my past is me and i should seek therapy for being too sensitive all the damn time.	20,867	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ue4n5l/aita_for_walking_out_of_the_restaurant_over_a/	2022-04-28 20:39:25	nta. dump him. talking about pimping you out isn't a "joke" its a fundamental lack of respect for you. you're not being sensitive and you could be proud of your past as a sex worker and it still wouldn't make what he and his friends are doing/saying ok. this fyi is exactly why they always have something to say because martin not only allows it her participates. time to pack your things and go op. martin is never going to respect you and you absolutely deserve a partner who respects you.	nta hun, you have only known him a couple of years and the honeymoon is over. this is him showing you how he actually thinks. to your face he says he's fine with your past. to his friends, he's willing to joke about taking money in exchange for you. basically he's willing to joke about pimping you out. run. eta don't be ashamed of your past. you are a strong capable woman who doesn't take any bs and your past made you that woman. honestly, sex work is stigmatised and it shouldn't be. you sold your labour just like anyone does. be proud of who you are!	[removed]	nta honestly that is horrible and him telling you to seek therapy because you're 'too sensitive'? nope. although you may need therapy from all the gaslighting and emotional manipulation. to me, there's 2 problems here: 1. he is aware that you aren't comfortable discussing your history and yet he allows his friends to talk to you that way and joins in joking when you have made it clear that you're uncomfortable. incidentally, how do his friends know? because if he told them all this even though it's a sensitive topic for you... 2. he sees you as something for him to put a price tag on, even if he was joking. even if you were okay with these 'jokes', he didn't even go with 'you couldn't afford her' or 'in your dreams', no, it was 'how much are you willing to pay?' as if he would be the one benefiting from this make-believe exchange. honestly, everything about this proves he doesn't see your feelings and experiences as valid. you said this isn't a once off and he clearly is brushing you off instead of acknowledging your feelings. you are not less than him because if your history or sensitive because he's continuously discounting your feelings and allowing his friends to treat you like that.	nta. look, the joke was bad enough, but for my money this part is the dealbreaker: &#x200b; >he insisted i overreacted and was being oversenstive. > >after he came back he started complaining about how i embarrassed him and ruined the celebration by walking out. i reminded him of what he did and he said it was just a joke! and the only one who has an issue with my past is me and i should seek therapy for being too sensitive all the damn time. bottom line is: he fucked up and instead of acknowledging it, apologizing, and changing his behavior he decided that the actual problem is you for having feelings he doesn't like and for standing up for yourself. and that the real victim of his own bad behavior is him because you didn't laugh off your hurt feelings and discomfort so then he had to feel shame. this is an absolutely dismal trait in a life partner. i would strongly, strongly reconsider staying with this person.	[removed]	wtf. that would be misogynistic and awful no matter the context, and you feeling sensitive about your past makes it worse. nta.	nta, you opened yourself up to martin with trust about a very sensitve subject and in that moment he completely disregarded your feelings and spat on it. someone who says he loves you 'no matter what' and then jokes like that is more likely teliing himself as a reminder for himself. you just don't make snide jokes like that unless you think it in the first place.	you should have asked him to explain the joke…..cause when he can’t explain it without sounding like an absolute sexists pig maybe it will finally sink in. you should have returned that ring before getting in the cab, no one gets to make fun of anyone for doing whatever they need to do to provide a roof over their heads. they all sound like the biggest struggle of their lives was a hangnail and god forbid they find themselves in your situation. he’s making fun of what you did to survive, this wasn’t a career choice for you, and if he can’t acknowledge that he doesn’t deserve you. also you should have hit back, that you were taught to never stick small objects in your mouth before you walked out nta	nta - omg, i would not have been so calm when i got up and left. question - did you tell antonio (and the rest of martin's friends) about your past or did martin tell them? girl, you are not being too sensitive. people have no right to make comments, never mind jokes, about you and your past. martin should have put a stop to that immediately the first time it ever happened. honestly, it sounds to me like he's proud of your past and is using that to gain extra points with his friends. if his friends are that comfortable making jokes in mixed company and in front of his parents about "renting you for bjs", lord knows what they say privately when you're not around. this would be a deal breaker for me, and i would break up with him.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f30 used to work as a sex worker in my early to mid 20s. not so proud of it but i had no choice. i had to get money to be able to keep my siblings and myself from homelessness. i met my fiance martin m32 over a year ago, he knows every single detail about my life and everyday tells me he loves me no matter what. his family are literally saints so i kind of hit the jackpot in the inlaws dept. however, his friends...not so much. some of them make comments about my past and throw in some words that i find rather offensive but i thought to myself "giiirl you just being too sensitive, just let it go". last week we went out to the restaurant to celebrate martin's birthday with his friends and family. one of his closest friends "antonio" has a habit of making nasty jokes and laughing publicly. martin was talking to his friends while i was talking to my mother inlaw talking. antonio looked around and praised the restaurant and the atmesphere for the party. martin nodded after antonio told him he's lucky he got all that for his birthday then complained about not having family to celebrate his upcoming birthday. he then told martin "perhaps i can borrow (my name) for some bj on my upcoming birthday". i was appalled, but when i turned to see how martin woupd react, martin just laughed and said "hahaha well, how much are you willing to pay?". i froze. now i might have overreacted but i had a terrible look on my face as i looked at martin. then i got up, gathered my stuff including the gift i got him then started making my way out. my inlaws noticed and i could hear martin yelling after me. he followed me outside begging me to wait but i kept walking. he said it was just a joke between him and his buddy and i was overreacting for no reason at all. i started arguing with him about how he was not only ok with his buddy humiliating me but playing along in his god awful joke. he insisted i overreacted and was being oversenstive. i got into a taxi and went home. after he came back he started complaining about how i embarrassed him and ruined the celebration by walking out. i reminded him of what he did and he said it was just a joke! and the only one who has an issue with my past is me and i should seek therapy for being too sensitive all the damn time.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i f30 used to work as a sex worker in my early to mid 20s. not so proud of it but i had no choice. i had to get money to be able to keep my siblings and myself from homelessness. i met my fiance martin m32 over a year ago, he knows every single detail about my life and everyday tells me he loves me no matter what. his family are literally saints so i kind of hit the jackpot in the inlaws dept. however, his friends...not so much. some of them make comments about my past and throw in some words that i find rather offensive but i thought to myself "giiirl you just being too sensitive, just let it go". last week we went out to the restaurant to celebrate martin's birthday with his friends and family. one of his closest friends "antonio" has a habit of making nasty jokes and laughing publicly. martin was talking to his friends while i was talking to my mother inlaw talking. antonio looked around and praised the restaurant and the atmesphere for the party. martin nodded after antonio told him he's lucky he got all that for his birthday then complained about not having family to celebrate his upcoming birthday. he then told martin "perhaps i can borrow (my name) for some bj on my upcoming birthday". i was appalled, but when i turned to see how martin woupd react, martin just laughed and said "hahaha well, how much are you willing to pay?". i froze. now i might have overreacted but i had a terrible look on my face as i looked at martin. then i got up, gathered my stuff including the gift i got him then started making my way out. my inlaws noticed and i could hear martin yelling after me. he followed me outside begging me to wait but i kept walking. he said it was just a joke between him and his buddy and i was overreacting for no reason at all. i started arguing with him about how he was not only ok with his buddy humiliating me but playing along in his god awful joke. he insisted i overreacted and was being oversenstive. i got into a taxi and went home. after he came back he started complaining about how i embarrassed him and ruined the celebration by walking out. i reminded him of what he did and he said it was just a joke! and the only one who has an issue with my past is me and i should seek therapy for being too sensitive all the damn time. [/INST] nta. dump him. talking about pimping you out isn't a "joke" its a fundamental lack of respect for you. you're not being sensitive and you could be proud of your past as a sex worker and it still wouldn't make what he and his friends are doing/saying ok. this fyi is exactly why they always have something to say because martin not only allows it her participates. time to pack your things and go op. martin is never going to respect you and you absolutely deserve a partner who respects you. </s>
AITA for refusing to be in my father's wedding even tho I "cheated too"?	a story as old as time. my (f27) father (50) cheated on my mother for 5 years with a younger woman(currently 32) and he left my mother when mistress got pregnant. it tore our family apart. i resent my father because my mother actually loved him and she is still dealing with this. even 1 year after he left her. i stayed on okay terms with him because i was the one to pick up and drop off my younger brother at his place. last week when i picked up my brother my father had big news. he proposed to his girlfriend and wanted me as his best (wo)man. it made me kinda mad ngl. but i kept calm... and told him no. he said that what happened between him and mom was none of our business and that i should respect his new relationship. i said i respect it but that doesn't mean i condone it. obviously i would never hound him randomly about it but i don't approve of it and i don't like her. she knew the whole time my mom and we existed . well my dad was having none of it and told me to get off my high horse because i had cheated too and i had no right. and i.... guess? when i was 17 i was with this boy for 3 months. i went to a party got shit faced and made out with a classmate for a total of 10 minutes. i felt so bad that i called my boyfriend crying and we talked it out. we broke up. i told my dad and in 10 years i never did something like that again. i have been with my partner for 5 years. i told him he could not equate it at all. he called me a hypocrite. and that he was glad to know who i am. driving home i felt like i was a bit harsh. he is still my father and he is not a bad father. i just don't want to be in his wedding. i would still go. but aita,?	23,293	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihjphi/aita_for_refusing_to_be_in_my_fathers_wedding/	2020-08-27 11:59:39	nta. you kissed another guy once when you were still a kid. your dad hid the fact that he's been screwing another woman, did it for 5 years, and knocked her up. the situations aren't even comparable. your dad is trying to manipulate you by saying "you cheated too". the situations are not the same. he's the asshole.	nta you were 17 and made a drunken bad decision for ten minutes, then felt horrible about it. he was in his 40s with a wife and children, made a calculated horrible decision for five years, and doesn’t seem to feel bad or accept responsibility. not the same thing at all.	[removed]	nta. it's perfectly reasonable not want to support the relationship that your father broke your family with. and there's also no comparison between a teenager hooking up with someone at a party, and a grown ass man betraying his family. tell your dad where to stick it.	nta - the difference between what your father did and what you did is similar to the difference between a 4 year old kid grabbing a candy bar in the store and getting caught versus a grown-ass adult holding the place up at gunpoint. not only is he a ah for deliberately cheating and hiding this from your mother for years, he's also a manipulative ah for attempting to make you think that what you did was in any way comparable to what he did.	[removed]	nta. getting drunk and doing something stupid at 17 in no way equates to having an affair while married with children, and it's pretty shitty that he'd try to throw that at you. you're not required to like or support a parent who does something terrible.	nta - he committed himself to your mother for the rest of his life, your “cheating” incident happened in a non serious relationship and you even told the truth about it in the end. your father is trying to justify his own actions by making your “cheating” seem to be on par with his when it is not. it makes total sense that you don’t want to be in a wedding that represents the fallout of your childhood family. your father sounds like a manipulative prick sorry to say	nta making out with someone while drunk as a teenager does not equate to ruining a whole family.	maybe your father wants you to be best (wo)man because nobody else wants to or approves either. boomer thinks your father is getting desperate. nta	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a story as old as time. my (f27) father (50) cheated on my mother for 5 years with a younger woman(currently 32) and he left my mother when mistress got pregnant. it tore our family apart. i resent my father because my mother actually loved him and she is still dealing with this. even 1 year after he left her. i stayed on okay terms with him because i was the one to pick up and drop off my younger brother at his place. last week when i picked up my brother my father had big news. he proposed to his girlfriend and wanted me as his best (wo)man. it made me kinda mad ngl. but i kept calm... and told him no. he said that what happened between him and mom was none of our business and that i should respect his new relationship. i said i respect it but that doesn't mean i condone it. obviously i would never hound him randomly about it but i don't approve of it and i don't like her. she knew the whole time my mom and we existed . well my dad was having none of it and told me to get off my high horse because i had cheated too and i had no right. and i.... guess? when i was 17 i was with this boy for 3 months. i went to a party got shit faced and made out with a classmate for a total of 10 minutes. i felt so bad that i called my boyfriend crying and we talked it out. we broke up. i told my dad and in 10 years i never did something like that again. i have been with my partner for 5 years. i told him he could not equate it at all. he called me a hypocrite. and that he was glad to know who i am. driving home i felt like i was a bit harsh. he is still my father and he is not a bad father. i just don't want to be in his wedding. i would still go. but aita,?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> a story as old as time. my (f27) father (50) cheated on my mother for 5 years with a younger woman(currently 32) and he left my mother when mistress got pregnant. it tore our family apart. i resent my father because my mother actually loved him and she is still dealing with this. even 1 year after he left her. i stayed on okay terms with him because i was the one to pick up and drop off my younger brother at his place. last week when i picked up my brother my father had big news. he proposed to his girlfriend and wanted me as his best (wo)man. it made me kinda mad ngl. but i kept calm... and told him no. he said that what happened between him and mom was none of our business and that i should respect his new relationship. i said i respect it but that doesn't mean i condone it. obviously i would never hound him randomly about it but i don't approve of it and i don't like her. she knew the whole time my mom and we existed . well my dad was having none of it and told me to get off my high horse because i had cheated too and i had no right. and i.... guess? when i was 17 i was with this boy for 3 months. i went to a party got shit faced and made out with a classmate for a total of 10 minutes. i felt so bad that i called my boyfriend crying and we talked it out. we broke up. i told my dad and in 10 years i never did something like that again. i have been with my partner for 5 years. i told him he could not equate it at all. he called me a hypocrite. and that he was glad to know who i am. driving home i felt like i was a bit harsh. he is still my father and he is not a bad father. i just don't want to be in his wedding. i would still go. but aita,? [/INST] nta. you kissed another guy once when you were still a kid. your dad hid the fact that he's been screwing another woman, did it for 5 years, and knocked her up. the situations aren't even comparable. your dad is trying to manipulate you by saying "you cheated too". the situations are not the same. he's the asshole. </s>
AITA for showing my twin sister’s onlyfans to our parents?	i (18 f) and my identical twin sister (also 18 f, obviously) have always had a tumultuous and competitive relationship. we’ve always fought over everything; guys, clothes, friends, etc. but our relationship came to a halt a few weeks ago when a mutual guy friend of ours sent me a link to an onlyfans profile, with an attached message that stated “this u?” confused, i clicked on the link and was shocked to discover that the profile belonged to my twin sister. the profile picture was very clearly a scantily clad image of her, and the username was my nickname that literally everyone in my life uses. i asked our friend about it and he told me that he had discovered the profile through twitter and then subscribed to the profile, which included dozens of videos of her doing… spicy things to say the least, solo and with partners, all of which with her face showing. i was floored and, in a fit of rage, showed the profile to our parents. i mean… literally anyone who saw that profile that knows us would immediately assume that it’s me considering she’s basically going by my name. our parents forced her to delete the profile and she hasn’t spoken to me since, claiming that i not only ruined her main source of income, but also betrayed her trust. however, i think that she betrayed my trust by going by my nickname. aita?	30,046	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xs5j2j/aita_for_showing_my_twin_sisters_onlyfans_to_our/	2022-09-30 16:19:20	nta. she exploited your identity for profit. she's lucky you only told your parents, instead of suing her.	you are not the asshole. my sister used my identity and i confronted her and took my old id away. she then went to the dmv and got an updated id with a new picture. she then got drunk and hit a cop car coming out of the bar. she ended up with a felony warrant but not really. why? she used my name not hers. i got the felony warrant. if you don't nip this in the bud be prepared for a lifetime of being blamed for what your sister did. ps. i am not a twin so thank god the cop was honest and said. "that's not the woman who hit my car. how did she get your id and who is it?" i told them i thought it was my sister and showed them her picture. she went to prison instead of me. i was a single mom of two children under five and innocent and my mom still said, "your sister has a long record and you have none. can't you take the blame for this one? i'll watch your kids until you get out of jail." don't listen to the people saying you are an asshole. i've been where you are. you did the right thing. nta	nta. what kind of asshole uses their twins name for onlyfans??? it baffles me why someone would do that asshole move	nta for the sole reason that by being your identical twin and using your own nickname, she’s essentially posing as you and this could have serious consequences in real life, such as if a potential employer found it and assumed it was you. why on earth wouldn’t she go with a different “stage name”? do you think maybe she did that on purpose to fuck with you?	nta. you are right. she's the ah for using your nickname. if it wasn't for that, then telling your parents about it wouldn't be cool, but under these circumstances, i think doing whatever is needed to get her to take it down (or rename it) is justified. eta ps: your friend subscribing to this (thinking at that point that it might be you) is also very sketchy.	nta she wants to do of, fine, but she can’t be doing it by presenting herself as you.	identity theft is not a joke jim nta	nta-she used your name! i would already be a little weirded out that she could be mistaken for you, but that’s out of her control. using your name was deliberate. the only other thing you could’ve done is gone to her first to talk about her changing the name. but i don’t think you were obligated to because she was setting you up to look like you were involved in sex work when you’re not. and no shade to sex work/workers, but putting someone else’s identity on your work is not okay.	nta she’s identical to you and used your name for her of. if it were me, i’d be telling everybody because i wouldn’t want that on my name. no shame to of creators, but i like my body and my life to be private. if someone made it public, i’d make sure everyone knew what they did because at least i’d get a say in the narrative. she decided to put herself out there but then did it pretending to be you. that’s messed up on so many levels.	if she was that serious and proud about it as a source of income, she'd have used her own nickname, not yours. or even picked some random name. of all the names we have in this world, she decides to use yours, knowing people would think it was you. i think she wanted to kill two birds with one stone, earn some money and ruin your reputation in the process. nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (18 f) and my identical twin sister (also 18 f, obviously) have always had a tumultuous and competitive relationship. we’ve always fought over everything; guys, clothes, friends, etc. but our relationship came to a halt a few weeks ago when a mutual guy friend of ours sent me a link to an onlyfans profile, with an attached message that stated “this u?” confused, i clicked on the link and was shocked to discover that the profile belonged to my twin sister. the profile picture was very clearly a scantily clad image of her, and the username was my nickname that literally everyone in my life uses. i asked our friend about it and he told me that he had discovered the profile through twitter and then subscribed to the profile, which included dozens of videos of her doing… spicy things to say the least, solo and with partners, all of which with her face showing. i was floored and, in a fit of rage, showed the profile to our parents. i mean… literally anyone who saw that profile that knows us would immediately assume that it’s me considering she’s basically going by my name. our parents forced her to delete the profile and she hasn’t spoken to me since, claiming that i not only ruined her main source of income, but also betrayed her trust. however, i think that she betrayed my trust by going by my nickname. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (18 f) and my identical twin sister (also 18 f, obviously) have always had a tumultuous and competitive relationship. we’ve always fought over everything; guys, clothes, friends, etc. but our relationship came to a halt a few weeks ago when a mutual guy friend of ours sent me a link to an onlyfans profile, with an attached message that stated “this u?” confused, i clicked on the link and was shocked to discover that the profile belonged to my twin sister. the profile picture was very clearly a scantily clad image of her, and the username was my nickname that literally everyone in my life uses. i asked our friend about it and he told me that he had discovered the profile through twitter and then subscribed to the profile, which included dozens of videos of her doing… spicy things to say the least, solo and with partners, all of which with her face showing. i was floored and, in a fit of rage, showed the profile to our parents. i mean… literally anyone who saw that profile that knows us would immediately assume that it’s me considering she’s basically going by my name. our parents forced her to delete the profile and she hasn’t spoken to me since, claiming that i not only ruined her main source of income, but also betrayed her trust. however, i think that she betrayed my trust by going by my nickname. aita? [/INST] nta. she exploited your identity for profit. she's lucky you only told your parents, instead of suing her. </s>
AITA for teasing my wife about finally catching her shitting?	ok so this is kind of a weird situation. my wife is one of those super prim and proper chicks. like shes the walking definition of an 80s housewife. you don't ever catch her doing anything "impolite", whether its burping or farting or shitting or any basic body function. even weirder, when asked about it she completely denies she does any of these things. i've never managed to catch her, up until she had our daughter. she had an emergency c section, and had a rough time recovering from it. she wasn't able to get up and walk by herself so i had to help her to the toilet and since shes so weird about "needing privacy to pee", i'd just go to the other room and she'd call me when she was done. well she had been in there for a while, and i'm like oh she totally has to be shitting. so i went in there and sure enough she was. i teased her and was like, "see! i knew you shit too!" she got real embarrassed and told me to shut up and leave her alone and started to cry so i left to let her finish, but teased her about afterwards. she was real emotional so i shut up about it for a while. well now some time has passed and shes no longer an emotional mess, so i figured i could finally tease her again. every once in a while i'll casually bring it up, like we'll be talking about something and i'll be like "still it wasn't as bad as that time you shit. man that was awful, i could smell it from in here!" she always gets mad and yells at me to shut up, which is hilarious. well she broke down the other day and started yelling and sobbing when i brought it up saying that was a difficult time for her and shes still embarrased about it and she hates me making fun of her for it. i told her it's just funny because it's the only time i got to catch her doing it, and its harmless teasing and it's no big deal. but i kind of feel bad because she was really crying about it, and my friend said i was a jerk for making fun of something that happened right after giving birth. so aita? i'm just trying to have fun and joke around with her.	16,951	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cgiexb/aita_for_teasing_my_wife_about_finally_catching/	2019-07-22 20:19:12	yta. dude, come on. you know this kind of stuff embarrasses her. she was mortified when you walked in on her. she continued to be mortified when you brought it up. and you still kept doing it! you made your wife cry! that’s not harmless teasing. that’s outright bullying.	yta.. your wife had an emergency section, and had trouble recovering, and your response as her husband was to make fun of her while she was struggling to recover from major abdominal surgery on top of a traumatic birth experience and to continue to make fun of her for it because you, the person who didn't have surgery, think she should be over it. if this is real, asshole doesn't even begin to cover what you are, tbh.	yta. i had an emergency c-section and let me tell you - that is some of the worst pain you can experience. did you know... they gutted me like a deer, put all my innards on a sterile tray, for an intern to eyeball? then sorta... dumped it all back in after my daughter was removed? i said gutted me like a deer - i don't actually know. they put me under. my husband was in the room though and saw it all. said it was just like seeing a deer gutted, except everything was left attached to me, and then everything was poured back in the hole. &#x200b; then i almost bled to death after they stitched me up - uterine atony. &#x200b; then i couldn't sit up, couldn't nurse my daughter, couldn't shower on my own, couldn't shit or piss on my own, couldn't lift anything for weeks, couldn't cough or laugh without feeling like i was being ripped in half, couldn't drive for i think 30 days? &#x200b; do you have any idea what that kind of pain, helplessness, the stress of a new baby, with a dose of post-partum hormones is like? it's devastating. &#x200b; you wife is already very private when it comes to body functions, but you 'cornered her at her most vulnerable about something as childish as pooping... and then you still keep rubbing salt in the wounds instead of being a strong, mature man and being your wife's partner. instead, you chose to ridicule her when she was in one of the most painful, lowest places a woman can find herself in. &#x200b; you sir, are a massive asshole. &#x200b;	good job humiliating the recently traumatized mother of your child, ta!	i'm shocked...yes yta god i'm shocked you didn't stop the first time, she obviously doesn't like you teasing her about something she finds embarrassing and you kept bringing it up? stop teasing her about that, she's not comfortable about it and you need to respect that. you can tease her about other stuff just don't tease about that at all.	yta - my husband does this shit to me and it's driven me to to the brink of leaving him more than once. you're trying to make yourself feel better about it by minimizing how it makes her feel. knock it off. apologize, and don't bring it up again. by "this shit", i mean making a joke that to him seems like "no big deal" but to me, it is truly bothersome. he thinks that i should feel the way he does about jokes like that, but i don't feel okay about the joke. at some point it goes from you made a mistake by making an unfunny joke, to you just being a straight-up bully about it. stop trying to make joke acceptable. just stop.	yta, that poor woman is stuck with you??? holy shit this is borderline abusive how cruel you are.	yta. your wife, who just had your child, has been through a traumatic delivery. she is physically recovering from surgery and a new mom. that you have the time and need to come to reddit to ask if mocking her bowel movements makes you the asshole, you may want to rethink why you find her loss of dignity and privacy so humorous.	yta - when the joke is making someone uncomfortable, just drop it	yta you know this upsets her and yet you do it anyway. are you 12 years old???	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so this is kind of a weird situation. my wife is one of those super prim and proper chicks. like shes the walking definition of an 80s housewife. you don't ever catch her doing anything "impolite", whether its burping or farting or shitting or any basic body function. even weirder, when asked about it she completely denies she does any of these things. i've never managed to catch her, up until she had our daughter. she had an emergency c section, and had a rough time recovering from it. she wasn't able to get up and walk by herself so i had to help her to the toilet and since shes so weird about "needing privacy to pee", i'd just go to the other room and she'd call me when she was done. well she had been in there for a while, and i'm like oh she totally has to be shitting. so i went in there and sure enough she was. i teased her and was like, "see! i knew you shit too!" she got real embarrassed and told me to shut up and leave her alone and started to cry so i left to let her finish, but teased her about afterwards. she was real emotional so i shut up about it for a while. well now some time has passed and shes no longer an emotional mess, so i figured i could finally tease her again. every once in a while i'll casually bring it up, like we'll be talking about something and i'll be like "still it wasn't as bad as that time you shit. man that was awful, i could smell it from in here!" she always gets mad and yells at me to shut up, which is hilarious. well she broke down the other day and started yelling and sobbing when i brought it up saying that was a difficult time for her and shes still embarrased about it and she hates me making fun of her for it. i told her it's just funny because it's the only time i got to catch her doing it, and its harmless teasing and it's no big deal. but i kind of feel bad because she was really crying about it, and my friend said i was a jerk for making fun of something that happened right after giving birth. so aita? i'm just trying to have fun and joke around with her.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> ok so this is kind of a weird situation. my wife is one of those super prim and proper chicks. like shes the walking definition of an 80s housewife. you don't ever catch her doing anything "impolite", whether its burping or farting or shitting or any basic body function. even weirder, when asked about it she completely denies she does any of these things. i've never managed to catch her, up until she had our daughter. she had an emergency c section, and had a rough time recovering from it. she wasn't able to get up and walk by herself so i had to help her to the toilet and since shes so weird about "needing privacy to pee", i'd just go to the other room and she'd call me when she was done. well she had been in there for a while, and i'm like oh she totally has to be shitting. so i went in there and sure enough she was. i teased her and was like, "see! i knew you shit too!" she got real embarrassed and told me to shut up and leave her alone and started to cry so i left to let her finish, but teased her about afterwards. she was real emotional so i shut up about it for a while. well now some time has passed and shes no longer an emotional mess, so i figured i could finally tease her again. every once in a while i'll casually bring it up, like we'll be talking about something and i'll be like "still it wasn't as bad as that time you shit. man that was awful, i could smell it from in here!" she always gets mad and yells at me to shut up, which is hilarious. well she broke down the other day and started yelling and sobbing when i brought it up saying that was a difficult time for her and shes still embarrased about it and she hates me making fun of her for it. i told her it's just funny because it's the only time i got to catch her doing it, and its harmless teasing and it's no big deal. but i kind of feel bad because she was really crying about it, and my friend said i was a jerk for making fun of something that happened right after giving birth. so aita? i'm just trying to have fun and joke around with her. [/INST] yta. dude, come on. you know this kind of stuff embarrasses her. she was mortified when you walked in on her. she continued to be mortified when you brought it up. and you still kept doing it! you made your wife cry! that’s not harmless teasing. that’s outright bullying. </s>
AITA for drinking a single Busch Light every day with lunch?	i started a new job last month. at my previous employer, they were very lax and laid back. they had work sponsored beer fridays at the end of every week, and they served beer at the work cafeteria, with a limit of one per person during the work day. that being said, i usually drank a busch light or an ipa every day with my lunch for the past 2.5 years. &nbsp; during the interview process at my new job, they asked me what i liked about my [then] current employer, and i mentioned that they were very lax and the interviewer said "not to brag, but we're known for having a very lax culture here as well. i would bet we're more laid back than your current employer". this was a relief to hear. i'll skip past the boring parts, but after a few more interviews at this place, i got an offer and took a job. &nbsp; upon accepting the position, i was mailed a onboarding packet with the employee handbook. i read the handbook from front to back and didn't see anything about a no alcohol policy in the book. this along with the mention of a "very lax work culture" had me thinking not many things would change from a culture standpoint from my old job to my new one. &nbsp; the first few weeks was a lot of training and the training usually ran over lunch, so they would provide us with a variety of sandwich options/pizza that were catered, as well as drink options (waters, sodas, juice, tea, coffee, etc.) so i would just help myself to whatever they provided. later in the month, my boss scheduled a lunch at a restaurant with our vendor to introduce me to them and explain my new role, and at this lunch my boss was the first person to order a beer, and the rest of us followed suit. this was another good sign. &nbsp; fast forward to last week, training was over and i was starting to settle into a routine and working more on my day to day tasks. that being said, i packed my own lunch, and included in my lunch was a busch light. i ate the first few lunches at my desk, undisturbed by anyone else. i didn't think anything of it. eventually i was invited to eat lunch at the lunchroom upstairs, so i joined some colleagues upstairs for lunch. i unpacked my lunch and cracked open my busch light. immediately i could sense a "what the hell is this guy thinking" vibe from my colleagues, but no one said anything. i brushed it off. later that day hr stopped by along with my boss and called me into the hr office. they said what i did was unacceptable and that "i'm lucky i'm not getting fired for that type of behavior." i mentioned the vendor lunch and my boss shot me daggers. we ended the meeting with an agreement that i would refrain from drinking alcohol on the job again. &nbsp; the next day, my boss chewed me out for "throwing him under the bus" and asked me "what the hell i was thinking". i don't get the big deal, no grown adult gets drunk or even buzzed off one single beer with lunch. i was following his lead and thought it was acceptable! so much for "lax".	3,999	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/po92fx/aita_for_drinking_a_single_busch_light_every_day/	2021-09-14 18:54:56	yta. i have never heard of a workplace that permits drinking in the middle of the day. a business lunch is different. lax is one thing, irresponsible is another. you should have asked what they meant by lax.	yta a ‘lax’ workplace doesn’t mean ‘feel free to drink on the job’. surely the fact they didn’t serve alcohol with lunch whilst you were training should have been enough of a clue?	yta are you serious? if you happened to work somewhere that they encouraged drinking during work hours, you should know they were in the minority. was that the only job you've ever had? a lax work culture does not mean anything goes. it should be common sense that the majority of professional work environments do not want you cracking open a beer in the lunch room.	if this is even real yta. this has to be fake. you can't genuinely think that drinking a beer a lunch is acceptable... lord. hey- you're not supposed to use the hair dryer in the bathtub either, just fyi.	i hope this isn't real bc the idea that someone willingly drinks busch light once a day for years is too terrible to handle	this is not an aita question except insofar as pertains to calling out your boss, which, yeah, yta for that. you were on notice when called into hr that your conduct was unacceptable, so i can't fathom why "but boss did it under totally different circumstances" would cross your mind as a way to defend your conduct. but you sound intentionally dense, maybe because it worked for you until it didn't? you could easily have read the context clues (and generally understood professional culture better) as cautioning you to do the exact opposite of what you did.	i have a lax office environment, it means we can wear jeans on fridays not that we can drink beer whenever we want. this is adulthood lol	yta. if you feel the need to drink a beer every day during work that could indicate you have a problem with alcohol. it shouldn’t have to be spelled out in a handbook that drinking on the job isn’t allowed.	yta how did you make it this far in life and not have enough sense to know drinking at work is against the rules.	i think having a beer at a restaurant and having one within the workplace are very different. yta , slight 🤷‍♀️ seems common knowledge as a no-no to drink in the workplace.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i started a new job last month. at my previous employer, they were very lax and laid back. they had work sponsored beer fridays at the end of every week, and they served beer at the work cafeteria, with a limit of one per person during the work day. that being said, i usually drank a busch light or an ipa every day with my lunch for the past 2.5 years. &nbsp; during the interview process at my new job, they asked me what i liked about my [then] current employer, and i mentioned that they were very lax and the interviewer said "not to brag, but we're known for having a very lax culture here as well. i would bet we're more laid back than your current employer". this was a relief to hear. i'll skip past the boring parts, but after a few more interviews at this place, i got an offer and took a job. &nbsp; upon accepting the position, i was mailed a onboarding packet with the employee handbook. i read the handbook from front to back and didn't see anything about a no alcohol policy in the book. this along with the mention of a "very lax work culture" had me thinking not many things would change from a culture standpoint from my old job to my new one. &nbsp; the first few weeks was a lot of training and the training usually ran over lunch, so they would provide us with a variety of sandwich options/pizza that were catered, as well as drink options (waters, sodas, juice, tea, coffee, etc.) so i would just help myself to whatever they provided. later in the month, my boss scheduled a lunch at a restaurant with our vendor to introduce me to them and explain my new role, and at this lunch my boss was the first person to order a beer, and the rest of us followed suit. this was another good sign. &nbsp; fast forward to last week, training was over and i was starting to settle into a routine and working more on my day to day tasks. that being said, i packed my own lunch, and included in my lunch was a busch light. i ate the first few lunches at my desk, undisturbed by anyone else. i didn't think anything of it. eventually i was invited to eat lunch at the lunchroom upstairs, so i joined some colleagues upstairs for lunch. i unpacked my lunch and cracked open my busch light. immediately i could sense a "what the hell is this guy thinking" vibe from my colleagues, but no one said anything. i brushed it off. later that day hr stopped by along with my boss and called me into the hr office. they said what i did was unacceptable and that "i'm lucky i'm not getting fired for that type of behavior." i mentioned the vendor lunch and my boss shot me daggers. we ended the meeting with an agreement that i would refrain from drinking alcohol on the job again. &nbsp; the next day, my boss chewed me out for "throwing him under the bus" and asked me "what the hell i was thinking". i don't get the big deal, no grown adult gets drunk or even buzzed off one single beer with lunch. i was following his lead and thought it was acceptable! so much for "lax".	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i started a new job last month. at my previous employer, they were very lax and laid back. they had work sponsored beer fridays at the end of every week, and they served beer at the work cafeteria, with a limit of one per person during the work day. that being said, i usually drank a busch light or an ipa every day with my lunch for the past 2.5 years. &nbsp; during the interview process at my new job, they asked me what i liked about my [then] current employer, and i mentioned that they were very lax and the interviewer said "not to brag, but we're known for having a very lax culture here as well. i would bet we're more laid back than your current employer". this was a relief to hear. i'll skip past the boring parts, but after a few more interviews at this place, i got an offer and took a job. &nbsp; upon accepting the position, i was mailed a onboarding packet with the employee handbook. i read the handbook from front to back and didn't see anything about a no alcohol policy in the book. this along with the mention of a "very lax work culture" had me thinking not many things would change from a culture standpoint from my old job to my new one. &nbsp; the first few weeks was a lot of training and the training usually ran over lunch, so they would provide us with a variety of sandwich options/pizza that were catered, as well as drink options (waters, sodas, juice, tea, coffee, etc.) so i would just help myself to whatever they provided. later in the month, my boss scheduled a lunch at a restaurant with our vendor to introduce me to them and explain my new role, and at this lunch my boss was the first person to order a beer, and the rest of us followed suit. this was another good sign. &nbsp; fast forward to last week, training was over and i was starting to settle into a routine and working more on my day to day tasks. that being said, i packed my own lunch, and included in my lunch was a busch light. i ate the first few lunches at my desk, undisturbed by anyone else. i didn't think anything of it. eventually i was invited to eat lunch at the lunchroom upstairs, so i joined some colleagues upstairs for lunch. i unpacked my lunch and cracked open my busch light. immediately i could sense a "what the hell is this guy thinking" vibe from my colleagues, but no one said anything. i brushed it off. later that day hr stopped by along with my boss and called me into the hr office. they said what i did was unacceptable and that "i'm lucky i'm not getting fired for that type of behavior." i mentioned the vendor lunch and my boss shot me daggers. we ended the meeting with an agreement that i would refrain from drinking alcohol on the job again. &nbsp; the next day, my boss chewed me out for "throwing him under the bus" and asked me "what the hell i was thinking". i don't get the big deal, no grown adult gets drunk or even buzzed off one single beer with lunch. i was following his lead and thought it was acceptable! so much for "lax". [/INST] yta. i have never heard of a workplace that permits drinking in the middle of the day. a business lunch is different. lax is one thing, irresponsible is another. you should have asked what they meant by lax. </s>
AITA for starting an argument because my boyfriend boarded a plane before me?	my boyfriend (26m) and i (24f) travelled by plane to go to my parent's house for thanksgiving. we checked in together and had different boarding groups - he was group 1, since he is active duty military, i was group 3, for being a platinum card holder on the airline. this is significant since both groups are considered priority boarding. we are both under the impression that boarding groups do not necessarily matter - we are seasoned travelers, very efficient when boarding planes, and the only thing that does matter is that we are on the plane before the main groups, which are the people who do not travel often and are generally slower when boarding planes. when the plane started boarding they obviously called group one first, the group for active duty military and unaccompanied minors - and my boyfriend gets up and boards without me. i was annoyed, since groups 1 and 2 are both super small, and group 3, my group, usually gets called super fast, if not combined with group two. after my group gets called (literally less than 5 minutes later) and i get on the plane, i told him he could have waited for my group to get called and we could have boarded together. he told me that it wasn't a big deal, and i said it was since we were traveling together, he had never done that before, why would he do it randomly now, and he didn't have a reason besides "it's for me, why wouldn't i use that group" even though my group is still considered priority boarding? we got into a mild argument about it on the plane, nothing huge since we were, well, on a plane. he thinks i'm being an asshole for starting an argument and being upset about him boarding before me but i think it's justified since he had never done it before and he didn't say anything prior. this isn't a new thing, where he just joined the military, he's been ad for 8 years. we have travelled together multiple times. i think i have seen him use his military id for a discount one time in the entire time i have known him. edit 2: i accept that i was being a huge asshole, and that i should have picked my battles and not started an argument over something so petty and small. i will be giving him a big apology this morning anyway, aita for being annoyed at him and starting an argument for boarding before me? &#x200b;	10,091	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yrg800/aita_for_starting_an_argument_because_my/	2022-11-10 14:14:06	yta. you really got upset about bf boarding a few minutes before you? you say you're a seasoned traveler, so why are you so hot and bothered that he left your side for a few minutes? what's he gonna do? go steal a coke from the galley before you get on the plane? put on bunny slippers that you don't approve of? you seem to be trying to create a problem where there isn't one. why would you do that? this post will probably me make me unpopular, but really as an adult why are you starting a fight where there is none?	yta. if i were him, i would always board ahead of you because i'd need the 10 minute break from your whining and pettiness.	i can see why he boarded before you. homie needed a short break. yta	oh noooooooooooo you had to wait five whole minutes to board the plane after him?!!? yta. grow up.	yta. gave off huge entitlement vibes too. “im priority,” “non priority people are slow and dumb.” if this is assigned seating there’s no issue, plane takes off the same time. if it’s open seating, and he grabbed the best seats he could you should be thanking him. clingy too. “i cant go five minutes without breathing the same air” “how’s he gonna know there’s a traveler to make fun of if he’s not right by my side? pouty face”	imagine being a "seasoned traveller" and then starting a petty and public slapfight with your boyfriend over boarding groups, lmao. yta and i guarantee you everyone on that plane was talking shit about you.	this is the most boring story and argument ever - you have booked a seat why does it matter when you board. get a grip. yta	yta. so many things wrong with this post. first off, people that board last don’t board last because they’re “too slow when boarding planes” they usually are boarding last because they checked in last or for some other reason. it varies by airline but them being “too slow” isn’t one of them. if you’re boarding first you’re either a minor, a parent with children, military, elderly or you have a disability. you clearly prioritize the importance of groups and who gets to board first and etc. so why are you upset that your boyfriend is taking advantage of the fact he gets to board first? make that make sense.	i’m honestly mad i wasted my time reading this. get a damn grip. yta	yta. seriously? you have to start a fight over something this petty? you've got problems.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend (26m) and i (24f) travelled by plane to go to my parent's house for thanksgiving. we checked in together and had different boarding groups - he was group 1, since he is active duty military, i was group 3, for being a platinum card holder on the airline. this is significant since both groups are considered priority boarding. we are both under the impression that boarding groups do not necessarily matter - we are seasoned travelers, very efficient when boarding planes, and the only thing that does matter is that we are on the plane before the main groups, which are the people who do not travel often and are generally slower when boarding planes. when the plane started boarding they obviously called group one first, the group for active duty military and unaccompanied minors - and my boyfriend gets up and boards without me. i was annoyed, since groups 1 and 2 are both super small, and group 3, my group, usually gets called super fast, if not combined with group two. after my group gets called (literally less than 5 minutes later) and i get on the plane, i told him he could have waited for my group to get called and we could have boarded together. he told me that it wasn't a big deal, and i said it was since we were traveling together, he had never done that before, why would he do it randomly now, and he didn't have a reason besides "it's for me, why wouldn't i use that group" even though my group is still considered priority boarding? we got into a mild argument about it on the plane, nothing huge since we were, well, on a plane. he thinks i'm being an asshole for starting an argument and being upset about him boarding before me but i think it's justified since he had never done it before and he didn't say anything prior. this isn't a new thing, where he just joined the military, he's been ad for 8 years. we have travelled together multiple times. i think i have seen him use his military id for a discount one time in the entire time i have known him. edit 2: i accept that i was being a huge asshole, and that i should have picked my battles and not started an argument over something so petty and small. i will be giving him a big apology this morning anyway, aita for being annoyed at him and starting an argument for boarding before me? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my boyfriend (26m) and i (24f) travelled by plane to go to my parent's house for thanksgiving. we checked in together and had different boarding groups - he was group 1, since he is active duty military, i was group 3, for being a platinum card holder on the airline. this is significant since both groups are considered priority boarding. we are both under the impression that boarding groups do not necessarily matter - we are seasoned travelers, very efficient when boarding planes, and the only thing that does matter is that we are on the plane before the main groups, which are the people who do not travel often and are generally slower when boarding planes. when the plane started boarding they obviously called group one first, the group for active duty military and unaccompanied minors - and my boyfriend gets up and boards without me. i was annoyed, since groups 1 and 2 are both super small, and group 3, my group, usually gets called super fast, if not combined with group two. after my group gets called (literally less than 5 minutes later) and i get on the plane, i told him he could have waited for my group to get called and we could have boarded together. he told me that it wasn't a big deal, and i said it was since we were traveling together, he had never done that before, why would he do it randomly now, and he didn't have a reason besides "it's for me, why wouldn't i use that group" even though my group is still considered priority boarding? we got into a mild argument about it on the plane, nothing huge since we were, well, on a plane. he thinks i'm being an asshole for starting an argument and being upset about him boarding before me but i think it's justified since he had never done it before and he didn't say anything prior. this isn't a new thing, where he just joined the military, he's been ad for 8 years. we have travelled together multiple times. i think i have seen him use his military id for a discount one time in the entire time i have known him. edit 2: i accept that i was being a huge asshole, and that i should have picked my battles and not started an argument over something so petty and small. i will be giving him a big apology this morning anyway, aita for being annoyed at him and starting an argument for boarding before me? &#x200b; [/INST] yta. you really got upset about bf boarding a few minutes before you? you say you're a seasoned traveler, so why are you so hot and bothered that he left your side for a few minutes? what's he gonna do? go steal a coke from the galley before you get on the plane? put on bunny slippers that you don't approve of? you seem to be trying to create a problem where there isn't one. why would you do that? this post will probably me make me unpopular, but really as an adult why are you starting a fight where there is none? </s>
AITA for refusing to buy “equal” gifts for my children?	my daughter (14) wrote a giant list for her birthday, but at the top was something called a dyson airwrap. she’s quite into tiktokers and youtube and had a bunch of things related to that listed. i was tempted to get what she asked for, but when i saw the price tag i backed off. i feel like that sort of price for what boils down to a hair dryer isn’t a sutiable thing for a girl her age. instead i purchased some of the more minor things on her list, got her what looked to be a nice hairdryer so she wouldn’t have to use the family one, and some hair rollers. when she opened her gift, she was immediately sullen and went silent. she didn’t bother to thank me or her mother, then eventually went off to her room and didn’t come out for a while. later that week an argument broke out over her behaviour and she went off at everyone over what she considered a grand injustice. last year as a reward for doing well on his exams i purchased my son, aaron (16), a lego set he had been coveting for quite a while. he has had a lifelong obsession with lego and had been struggling with depression and anxiety a lot over the entire year. aaron not only completing his exams, but doing so well, inspired me to get him something i knew he had been eyeing all year long. the set was expensive (i’ll admit it cost more than the hairdryer my daughter desired), but it really perked him up and i felt like he needed it. my daughter feels that it’s a crime that i got aaron something like that “unprompted”, while not going above and beyond for her own birthday. i think that she is being incredibly immature and the situations just aren’t the same, but she still is going around acting like a kicked dog and drumming up sympathy with extended family who she felt the need to text about her plight. aita for this?	4,774	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v3y1sc/aita_for_refusing_to_buy_equal_gifts_for_my/	2022-06-03 12:13:50	yta for referring to your daughters behaviour as being like a kicked dog. wtf???? read back over what you’ve written and it’s so obvious that you favour aaron over your daughter ( who you can’t even give a name to like you did your son ) it’s obvious that you dislike her. can she go an live with her mom or relatives who actually appreciate her and love her edit to change if you’re not with her mom can she live with her or relatives who won’t humiliate and degrade her the way you are	yta. you clearly value your son’s interests more than your daughter’s, and it’s obvious - including to her. this whole post is you trying to justify something that is just outright unfair.	you had me for the first couple of sentences, and then you threw in the expensive lego set that cost more than the 799 dollar dyson air curler hair dryer thing. for your son succeeding at exams you bought him a lego set that was 1000 dollars probably, that was something he wanted correct? it shows that you're blatantly playing favourites and your kid sees it. yta.	info: do you do similar things the other way around; buying your daughter expensive gifts to celebrate her accomplishments and buying your son less expensive gifts for his birthdays?	yta, i agreed with you up until the point you bought your son a lego set that cost more then the hair dryer for not really a reason. i get you we’re proud of your son, but the gift seemed unnecessary and the only reason you didn’t buy the hair dryer is cause you think it’s too expensive, but to your daughter it’s important and it’s what she wanted. you should have got it for her.	yta. this reeks of favoritism. now don't get me wrong, i think you did good celebrating for aaron. but you got aaron something he wanted whereas you substituted what you thought was equivalent for your daughter. you should have been up front and said you wouldn't be getting the dyson, but ask what a good alternative is. substituting a hair dryer on your own is the wrong move because it feels like you are saying you don't care what your daughter wants, it's too expensive, but aaron gets what he wants no matter the expense. the real kicker: i know your son's name and this story isn't even about him. what's your daughter's name? it seems like a small thing, but you have no issue naturally humanizing your son while your daughter just gets a generic term stating your association. it's pretty obvious how you feel about them.	yta. kids aren’t dumb, they know favoritism when they see it. also, did you ask her why she wanted that particular hair dryer, or did you just decide on your own that it wasn’t worth the money? honestly, you just sound like you think your daughter’s interests are frivolous and dumb, but your son’s are important and worthwhile. you should probably spend some time thinking about why that is.	yta. the way you talk about your daughter makes me sad. you dismiss something that is important to her so therefore you don’t buy it. but when you talk about your son (you didn’t bother to name your daughter), you gush over him and his hobby in an entire paragraph. and not only was the gift more expensive, you claim he needed it. he didn’t need a $700+ lego set. does your daughter get rewarded for her accomplishments or overcoming struggles? or is she pushed to the side bc she’s coasting along as a functioning teen? or you aren’t in touch with her emotionally, so her feelings aren’t even on your radar. your last paragraph really hits it home for me how little you even seem to like your own daughter. your diatribe against your daughter seems blinding. you compare her to a kicked dog (ew…wtf is this reference??). your words distance you even further from your daughter’s emotional state: immature, drumming, plight, to describe her experience. this is gross.	yta. stop showing such blatant favouritism towards your son.	yta. you are showing clear favoritism by buying your son a ridiculously over priced lego set, and then going cheap on your daughters birthday. what she asked for isn’t really outrageous, and those are pretty amazing hair dryers that do little damage to the hair, unlike the cheaper one you decided to go with. and dyson has lifetime warranty’s on all their products. lego doesn’t.	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter (14) wrote a giant list for her birthday, but at the top was something called a dyson airwrap. she’s quite into tiktokers and youtube and had a bunch of things related to that listed. i was tempted to get what she asked for, but when i saw the price tag i backed off. i feel like that sort of price for what boils down to a hair dryer isn’t a sutiable thing for a girl her age. instead i purchased some of the more minor things on her list, got her what looked to be a nice hairdryer so she wouldn’t have to use the family one, and some hair rollers. when she opened her gift, she was immediately sullen and went silent. she didn’t bother to thank me or her mother, then eventually went off to her room and didn’t come out for a while. later that week an argument broke out over her behaviour and she went off at everyone over what she considered a grand injustice. last year as a reward for doing well on his exams i purchased my son, aaron (16), a lego set he had been coveting for quite a while. he has had a lifelong obsession with lego and had been struggling with depression and anxiety a lot over the entire year. aaron not only completing his exams, but doing so well, inspired me to get him something i knew he had been eyeing all year long. the set was expensive (i’ll admit it cost more than the hairdryer my daughter desired), but it really perked him up and i felt like he needed it. my daughter feels that it’s a crime that i got aaron something like that “unprompted”, while not going above and beyond for her own birthday. i think that she is being incredibly immature and the situations just aren’t the same, but she still is going around acting like a kicked dog and drumming up sympathy with extended family who she felt the need to text about her plight. aita for this?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my daughter (14) wrote a giant list for her birthday, but at the top was something called a dyson airwrap. she’s quite into tiktokers and youtube and had a bunch of things related to that listed. i was tempted to get what she asked for, but when i saw the price tag i backed off. i feel like that sort of price for what boils down to a hair dryer isn’t a sutiable thing for a girl her age. instead i purchased some of the more minor things on her list, got her what looked to be a nice hairdryer so she wouldn’t have to use the family one, and some hair rollers. when she opened her gift, she was immediately sullen and went silent. she didn’t bother to thank me or her mother, then eventually went off to her room and didn’t come out for a while. later that week an argument broke out over her behaviour and she went off at everyone over what she considered a grand injustice. last year as a reward for doing well on his exams i purchased my son, aaron (16), a lego set he had been coveting for quite a while. he has had a lifelong obsession with lego and had been struggling with depression and anxiety a lot over the entire year. aaron not only completing his exams, but doing so well, inspired me to get him something i knew he had been eyeing all year long. the set was expensive (i’ll admit it cost more than the hairdryer my daughter desired), but it really perked him up and i felt like he needed it. my daughter feels that it’s a crime that i got aaron something like that “unprompted”, while not going above and beyond for her own birthday. i think that she is being incredibly immature and the situations just aren’t the same, but she still is going around acting like a kicked dog and drumming up sympathy with extended family who she felt the need to text about her plight. aita for this? [/INST] yta for referring to your daughters behaviour as being like a kicked dog. wtf???? read back over what you’ve written and it’s so obvious that you favour aaron over your daughter ( who you can’t even give a name to like you did your son ) it’s obvious that you dislike her. can she go an live with her mom or relatives who actually appreciate her and love her edit to change if you’re not with her mom can she live with her or relatives who won’t humiliate and degrade her the way you are </s>
AITA for expecting my adult daughter to pay back what she owes me?	my (48m) daughter (21f), aria, abandoned us (her stepmother, younger half-sister and me) when she was 15 to go live with my enabling ex-wife, sandra, and her husband. until then, we had 50/50 custody, but sandra has always been less "strict" than me. she's always let aria do what she wants and has never had any home rules. she also buys aria everything she wants so she will want to live with her. sandra lives in the same town where aria's highschool was, while i live 25 mins away. so, one of my rules was that if she went to meet up with a friend there (meaning i had to drive her), the next time they met it was her friend's turn to come. if the friend's parents didn't want to drive the kid here, then aria wasn't allowed to meet them again while she was with me. everything was fine that way for years. the major fallout happened in her last year of highschool (she was 15). she went on a trip to another country with her school and didn't bother to send more than a couple texts when she was away for 5 days. so i decided to ground her, because she had to learn to respect and show some love for her family. she insisted she had sent messages to her mother but we had barely heard from her. she's never had a lot of friends, but she had been invited her to some popular girl's birthday party. this was my punishment, not going to that party after forgetting about her family. she got upset and started calling her mother to come pick her up, but it was illegal to get her if it was my week. plus, she wanted to go to her mother's because she would lift my punishment and let her go to the party. her mother came by the end of the week and i told aria that she didn't have to come back if she didn't want to. i waited, but i heard nothing from her again. her sister kept asking me why she didn't come back, and i didn't know how to explain to her that she didn't love us and that she preferred staying with her mother, her parties and her free-of-rules life. over the years we've communicated through lawyers, because sandra has 0 intentions on helping me get my daughter back (she finally has her to herself). they've been demanding that i pay for child support, even now that she's 21 years old. i have to pay for that and for half of her college expenses (by law). when aria turned 18, an adult, i started adding up everything i had to pay in an excel that i send to sandra when i update it so she knows what damage she is doing to our daughter (i expect aria to pay her debt, but i gave sandra the option to pay for her to which she refused). we are now at 18k. aria has been trying to get in touch again. i told her that we can't fix the emotional part unless we fix the money part first. she needs to prove to me that she doesn't only care about the money. sandra says i'm an asshole but i think she is, since she has done nothing but try to take my daughter away and she finally has what she wants. so, aita?	18,499	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/silt4e/aita_for_expecting_my_adult_daughter_to_pay_back/	2022-02-02 10:54:09	yta you are a horrible father and i can see why your daughter left.	yta. you want your daughter to pay you back for court-ordered child support. you’re the biggest ass.	yta. everything you described her doing was normal teenage behavior that you massively overreacted to and then you wonder why she left to stay at mom's. and you are compiling a sheet of what your court ordered support amounts to for college expenses, etc?! no, she doesn't need to pay you back! that is your actual responsibility to support the child. and no, if she's in college, it doesn't just stop at 18. if it did, then you wouldn't still be paying it legally, now would you? if you harass her for repayment, i hope this poor girl just walks away for good.	yta. you suffocated her, not texting you during an international trip is not grounds for petty and vindictive punishments. (you have trouble making friends? i’m going to undercut those efforts.) you showed a complete lack of care for her feelings and it’s not surprising she wanted to live with her mother if that’s just once incident that you thought put you in a favourable light. i’m sure there’s many more of you emotionally manipulating your daughter. and kids don’t incur a debt for being kids, you clearly weren’t paying your child support. aria owes you nothing, parents don’t say their kids owe them 18k in debt when that money is just expenses you should have as a parent.	yta >when aria turned 18, an adult, i started adding up everything i had to pay in an excel that i send to sandra when i update it so she knows what damage she is doing to our daughter (i expect aria to pay her debt, but i gave sandra the option to pay for her to which she refused). we are now at 18k. your daughter is not an investment, you failure of a father.	yta - why do people insist on having children if they're just going to act like this? your daughter went on a school trip out of the country. it very well could be a once in a lifetime experience for her. she was enjoying herself! who cares if she wasn't glued to her phone texting you constantly? you want her to pay you back for what? so what if it's court ordered child support? were you under the impression that if you had a child you'd never have to put out a dime to support that child or that they'd pay you back for the years of support once they reached adulthood? children do not ask to be brought into this world and owe parents absolutely nothing - especially one's who act like you. you're trying to figure out how to tell her siblings that she doesn't love them? what an absolute low. i don't blame her at all for walking out of your life and wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to come back again. do better.	yta. first: your daughter was 15, and you've decided to blame her for a decision teenage brain her made. second: you're required to pay that money by law. if the tables were turned - that is, aria at yours and not sandra's - would you have been okay with sandra paying nothing and you paying everything? doubt it. but, and here's the important part: > she went on a trip to another country with her school and didn't bother to send more than a couple texts when she was away for 5 days she was gone for under a week, and sent you a bunch of texts to let you know she was alive and well. she was on holiday with friends and classmates. i'm sorry, how much did you expect her to contact you exactly? my parents, when i go on vacation alone, always ask me to call them daily, and have since i was a minor. and i, every time i go on holiday w/o them, forget to do so. so, they either call me or wait for my call. they get a bit upset when i'm on the phone with them, but never have they held it against me for forgetting to call daily! did you even try to call her, or wait for her to text you? did you initiate the texting at all? > she needs to prove to me that she doesn't only care about the money you're doing an amazing job of proving all you care about is the money. personally, i has a suspicion the issue w/ her living with you wasn't that her mother was less strict, it's that you were very controlling	yta, you have a pattern of pushing your daughter away and blaming a child. you essentially isolated her from her friends when she stayed at your house; cuz god forbid if you have to drive her places- like a parent would; you are the one that live out of town, the central place for hanging out. if you can get her to school you can get her there for social events. your daughter did what any child would have done at her age, she went away for 5 days (not long at all) and didn't text you enough (she was enjoying her holiday excuse her). you chose to over react and over punish her/ push her away. rather then communicate and set expectations for next time/ explain you felt hurt. after your child did nothing wrong, you chose to be incredibly harsh with her and prevent her from going to an event she clearly looked forward to because what? you are jealous that she had friends she wanted to hang out with. the courts have mandated child support/ payments yta if you track them and expect her to pay them back- how can you say you love your child when you are setting her up to start her adult life 18k in debt. every single action you have described is controlling and manipulative; if you are lucky she may want to try and repair the relationship when she is older but if you ask her to 'pay you back' then you are stopping that from happening.	wow yta. wow. you clearly have no ability to see this from your daughter’s perspective at all. do you seriously think she went no contact with you for years just because it was more fun and free-wheeling at her mother’s? an adult can “abandon” their family, a child cannot. a child leaves because their home life is intolerable. your daughter does not owe you any debt- she did not sign any contract with you for a loan. you are either willing to support her as a parent or you are not, but she is not forcing you to do anything. you should be thanking your lucky stars she even wants to talk to you again, not trying to manipulate her with this “debt”.	i am a family law attorney and let me just say yikes. yta. an incredible asshole, even. i literally gasped several times reading this. you come off as incredibly self-centered here, and i have a feeling that you came off this way in court papers too. first of all, when parents are divorced they often have different house rules, and while it can set the stricter parent up for difficulties, it’s the reality of being a divorced family. i get not wanting to drive her to her friends 25+ minutes away, but you can just say no. making it a tit-for-tat like they have to do it the next time made it difficult for your daughter to sustain the (admittedly few by your account) friendships that supported her through the divorce. it put social pressure on her she absolutely did not need, and obviously made living with you less attractive. not getting texts from her on the trip is two things: 1) she was a teenager having fun with her friends in a foreign country (supervised, i assume, and possibly for the first time, at least without parents) and she’s not going to think to call you every day, and 2) if you had a better relationship with her in the first place, maybe you would have gotten messages from her. grounding her for that was petty. when she went to live with her mom, to tell your other daughter it was because she didn’t love you anymore was not only childish and petulant, but terrible parenting for both of your daughters and incredibly selfish. how is it helpful to tell your other daughter her sister doesn’t love her? you were being selfish and taking your anger out on your younger daughter and that’s awful. and finally, from what i can tell you are totaling up child support and college and calling it a “debt” your daughter has to repay. that is disgusting. any judge would trash you for that. child support and college expenses are your legal obligation as a parent. it is not debt that either your ex-wife or child have to pay you back. it’s literally the law that you pay for these things. rant about how unfair child support is as much as you like, but you’re not immune from the law just because you don’t like it. if it was higher because she went to live with your ex-wife, it’s because you drove your daughter away. that’s on you. you’ve come off here as vile and incredibly self-centered. you’ve made everything about you and your daughter doesn’t have to put up with it anymore. you would be a nightmare client because you’ve somehow managed to convince yourself that you’re the aggrieved party here. you’re never going to see a dime of that “debt” and you’re never going to see your daughter again, which, honestly, good for her.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (48m) daughter (21f), aria, abandoned us (her stepmother, younger half-sister and me) when she was 15 to go live with my enabling ex-wife, sandra, and her husband. until then, we had 50/50 custody, but sandra has always been less "strict" than me. she's always let aria do what she wants and has never had any home rules. she also buys aria everything she wants so she will want to live with her. sandra lives in the same town where aria's highschool was, while i live 25 mins away. so, one of my rules was that if she went to meet up with a friend there (meaning i had to drive her), the next time they met it was her friend's turn to come. if the friend's parents didn't want to drive the kid here, then aria wasn't allowed to meet them again while she was with me. everything was fine that way for years. the major fallout happened in her last year of highschool (she was 15). she went on a trip to another country with her school and didn't bother to send more than a couple texts when she was away for 5 days. so i decided to ground her, because she had to learn to respect and show some love for her family. she insisted she had sent messages to her mother but we had barely heard from her. she's never had a lot of friends, but she had been invited her to some popular girl's birthday party. this was my punishment, not going to that party after forgetting about her family. she got upset and started calling her mother to come pick her up, but it was illegal to get her if it was my week. plus, she wanted to go to her mother's because she would lift my punishment and let her go to the party. her mother came by the end of the week and i told aria that she didn't have to come back if she didn't want to. i waited, but i heard nothing from her again. her sister kept asking me why she didn't come back, and i didn't know how to explain to her that she didn't love us and that she preferred staying with her mother, her parties and her free-of-rules life. over the years we've communicated through lawyers, because sandra has 0 intentions on helping me get my daughter back (she finally has her to herself). they've been demanding that i pay for child support, even now that she's 21 years old. i have to pay for that and for half of her college expenses (by law). when aria turned 18, an adult, i started adding up everything i had to pay in an excel that i send to sandra when i update it so she knows what damage she is doing to our daughter (i expect aria to pay her debt, but i gave sandra the option to pay for her to which she refused). we are now at 18k. aria has been trying to get in touch again. i told her that we can't fix the emotional part unless we fix the money part first. she needs to prove to me that she doesn't only care about the money. sandra says i'm an asshole but i think she is, since she has done nothing but try to take my daughter away and she finally has what she wants. so, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (48m) daughter (21f), aria, abandoned us (her stepmother, younger half-sister and me) when she was 15 to go live with my enabling ex-wife, sandra, and her husband. until then, we had 50/50 custody, but sandra has always been less "strict" than me. she's always let aria do what she wants and has never had any home rules. she also buys aria everything she wants so she will want to live with her. sandra lives in the same town where aria's highschool was, while i live 25 mins away. so, one of my rules was that if she went to meet up with a friend there (meaning i had to drive her), the next time they met it was her friend's turn to come. if the friend's parents didn't want to drive the kid here, then aria wasn't allowed to meet them again while she was with me. everything was fine that way for years. the major fallout happened in her last year of highschool (she was 15). she went on a trip to another country with her school and didn't bother to send more than a couple texts when she was away for 5 days. so i decided to ground her, because she had to learn to respect and show some love for her family. she insisted she had sent messages to her mother but we had barely heard from her. she's never had a lot of friends, but she had been invited her to some popular girl's birthday party. this was my punishment, not going to that party after forgetting about her family. she got upset and started calling her mother to come pick her up, but it was illegal to get her if it was my week. plus, she wanted to go to her mother's because she would lift my punishment and let her go to the party. her mother came by the end of the week and i told aria that she didn't have to come back if she didn't want to. i waited, but i heard nothing from her again. her sister kept asking me why she didn't come back, and i didn't know how to explain to her that she didn't love us and that she preferred staying with her mother, her parties and her free-of-rules life. over the years we've communicated through lawyers, because sandra has 0 intentions on helping me get my daughter back (she finally has her to herself). they've been demanding that i pay for child support, even now that she's 21 years old. i have to pay for that and for half of her college expenses (by law). when aria turned 18, an adult, i started adding up everything i had to pay in an excel that i send to sandra when i update it so she knows what damage she is doing to our daughter (i expect aria to pay her debt, but i gave sandra the option to pay for her to which she refused). we are now at 18k. aria has been trying to get in touch again. i told her that we can't fix the emotional part unless we fix the money part first. she needs to prove to me that she doesn't only care about the money. sandra says i'm an asshole but i think she is, since she has done nothing but try to take my daughter away and she finally has what she wants. so, aita? [/INST] yta you are a horrible father and i can see why your daughter left. </s>
AITA I lied to the people who I was babysitting for to get them to come home.	i am 15 years old and i babysit to make money. i took a first aid course and a babysitting course. lat weekend one of my little sister's classmates parents had a wedding to go to and asked if i would babysit. i asked how late they would need me and if i should pack an overnight bag if they were going to be staying out all night. they said that they would be home by midnight. so i checked with my dad if that was okay because he is my ride. he doesn't want me alone in a car with adults that he does not know. so my dad was there to pick me up at 11:50. the kids were all asleep and i was watching tv. i had texted them at 11:00 to double that they would be in time. the mom texted me back "yes". 12:30 they still aren't there. i texted again. no answer. i called my dad and he is pissed. not at me. one o'clock. i call them. no answer. my dad went and got a coffee at home and came back. he is all calm. not good. he is ready to blow. i texted every 15 minutes. no response. 2:20 i have an idea. i texted them that someone tried to break into their garage but that the alarm scared them away. they were home drunk in an uber in 15 minutes. my dad made their pay me for my extra time before we left. he told me that i'm not allowed to babysit for them again unless i charged them for an overnight stay. yesterday at school i saw the mom when i was picking up my sister's after school. she gave me shit for scaring her and her husband. that they had checked their security cameras and no one tried to break in. i said sorry the alarm went off so i called you. she called me a liar. which is fair. but i don't feel bad about what i did. they lied to me first. my mom says i should have just sucked it up but my dad says that they broke our deal. i kind of feel bad for tricking them into coming home from their party. but they could have told me it was an overnight or texted me that they were going to be late. my dad has brought me an overnight bag before when that has happened. #edit my mom wanted me to call the police to see if they had been in an accident. but i thought that if they were still at the wedding it would cause a scene.	18,210	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yqgswi/aita_i_lied_to_the_people_who_i_was_babysitting/	2022-11-09 11:54:13	nta - the fact that the parents said yes they would be home at 12 & then couldn’t/wouldn’t respond for 2 hours is bullshit. where she gets off being pissed at you is crazy!!! please tell me they apologized when they finally got home	nta. they had no regards to you and your time, forcing a minor to stay up way late and ignoring your texts. the fact that they came home right after you scared thrm shows that they read your texts, just decided to ignore them. you told a white lie to force thrm homr after all other attempts failed.	your dad is right. sure the lying is not great, but they were the ones who fucked up. you are absolutely not an asshole, they are. and learn from your father, not your mother. she's too much into people pleasing	there’s no judgement needed because you’re nta at all. they lied to you. twice. you kept trying to ring and call them and clearly they were checking their messages if they all of sudden came home because they thought the alarm was off. considering they didn’t text you to say they needed you overnight, despite you asking, they’re the ah for staying out later. you’re only 15, and they took advantage of your babysitting. at least your dad was angry at the right people, and he got you the overtime pay. your mum is an ah for telling you to suck it up. if i thought my teenager was going to be home at a certain time because she was told by the parents they’d be home, i’d expect my child home unless the parents asked nicely if they could change the plans. i’d just ignore that woman. she’s an ah for doing that to you. it doesn’t matter what she thinks. only hope that she doesn’t spoil any future business for you.	nta you're 15 and not coming home at the agreed to time. your father took it easy on them.	nta, totally get that at your age you lied instead of getting up in an adult's face and calling that mother out on her own shitty behavior ... but she and her husband are the ahs here. honesty, turn down future babysitting gigs from them, if they ever ask you. you are a child too, and staying out till 2:30 am when they were supposed to be home hours earlier was abusive towards you. i commend your father for not getting into an altercation with their stupid drunken asses on camera that night... i would have been furious. not at you, sweetie, at them. their behavior was immature, gross, and disrespectful of both you and your dad and your fsmily... what if your family had plans on sunday and you had been up till 3 or 4 am? yeah, fuck those people. the fact the mom doubled down? and confronted you at school? tell your parents, and let them go mama bear on her entitled drunk ass.	nta, especially since you aren't in charge of your own transportation. for future reference you should put in a late fee. whatever your rate is x5 for every half hour they're late.	[deleted]	nta, i thought you were going to say you told them a kid was sick, but you read your audience correctly and scared them over their possessions - well done!	nta. you already offered to stay the night, they said no. they were also obviously ignoring your text messages because they came rushing home once you told them their house alarm went off. they were trying to take advantage of you because you’re young. don’t feel bad.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 15 years old and i babysit to make money. i took a first aid course and a babysitting course. lat weekend one of my little sister's classmates parents had a wedding to go to and asked if i would babysit. i asked how late they would need me and if i should pack an overnight bag if they were going to be staying out all night. they said that they would be home by midnight. so i checked with my dad if that was okay because he is my ride. he doesn't want me alone in a car with adults that he does not know. so my dad was there to pick me up at 11:50. the kids were all asleep and i was watching tv. i had texted them at 11:00 to double that they would be in time. the mom texted me back "yes". 12:30 they still aren't there. i texted again. no answer. i called my dad and he is pissed. not at me. one o'clock. i call them. no answer. my dad went and got a coffee at home and came back. he is all calm. not good. he is ready to blow. i texted every 15 minutes. no response. 2:20 i have an idea. i texted them that someone tried to break into their garage but that the alarm scared them away. they were home drunk in an uber in 15 minutes. my dad made their pay me for my extra time before we left. he told me that i'm not allowed to babysit for them again unless i charged them for an overnight stay. yesterday at school i saw the mom when i was picking up my sister's after school. she gave me shit for scaring her and her husband. that they had checked their security cameras and no one tried to break in. i said sorry the alarm went off so i called you. she called me a liar. which is fair. but i don't feel bad about what i did. they lied to me first. my mom says i should have just sucked it up but my dad says that they broke our deal. i kind of feel bad for tricking them into coming home from their party. but they could have told me it was an overnight or texted me that they were going to be late. my dad has brought me an overnight bag before when that has happened. #edit my mom wanted me to call the police to see if they had been in an accident. but i thought that if they were still at the wedding it would cause a scene.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am 15 years old and i babysit to make money. i took a first aid course and a babysitting course. lat weekend one of my little sister's classmates parents had a wedding to go to and asked if i would babysit. i asked how late they would need me and if i should pack an overnight bag if they were going to be staying out all night. they said that they would be home by midnight. so i checked with my dad if that was okay because he is my ride. he doesn't want me alone in a car with adults that he does not know. so my dad was there to pick me up at 11:50. the kids were all asleep and i was watching tv. i had texted them at 11:00 to double that they would be in time. the mom texted me back "yes". 12:30 they still aren't there. i texted again. no answer. i called my dad and he is pissed. not at me. one o'clock. i call them. no answer. my dad went and got a coffee at home and came back. he is all calm. not good. he is ready to blow. i texted every 15 minutes. no response. 2:20 i have an idea. i texted them that someone tried to break into their garage but that the alarm scared them away. they were home drunk in an uber in 15 minutes. my dad made their pay me for my extra time before we left. he told me that i'm not allowed to babysit for them again unless i charged them for an overnight stay. yesterday at school i saw the mom when i was picking up my sister's after school. she gave me shit for scaring her and her husband. that they had checked their security cameras and no one tried to break in. i said sorry the alarm went off so i called you. she called me a liar. which is fair. but i don't feel bad about what i did. they lied to me first. my mom says i should have just sucked it up but my dad says that they broke our deal. i kind of feel bad for tricking them into coming home from their party. but they could have told me it was an overnight or texted me that they were going to be late. my dad has brought me an overnight bag before when that has happened. #edit my mom wanted me to call the police to see if they had been in an accident. but i thought that if they were still at the wedding it would cause a scene. [/INST] nta - the fact that the parents said yes they would be home at 12 & then couldn’t/wouldn’t respond for 2 hours is bullshit. where she gets off being pissed at you is crazy!!! please tell me they apologized when they finally got home </s>
AITA for calling my son spoiled and saying he won the lottery?	i'm divorced and remarried. we had two sons, who are currently 26 and 21. my wife also has a daughter who is 21. with my current wife i have one son, 15. my ex and i were paycheck to paycheck when our kids were little, especially our oldest. when we managed to establish ourselves professionally, we were able to do more, but they both remembered what it was like to not have a lot. my stepdaughter is also very cognizant of cost and appreciative of things. because my wife and i are both doing very well, we have been able to give our son a lot. i'm talking expensive game systems, software, telescope, binoculars, high end cameras, expensive trips, a fancy bike, and it just goes on and on. my oldest son was over last night and telling a story that involved "christine." my youngest asked who christine was. my oldest explained that "she" was his first car, an old junker. my youngest asked questions about the car and them wondered why my oldest wanted to drive something so "old" and "goofy." i know he didn't mean anything by it, but i decided he needed a reality check. i told youngest son that the beater was all we could afford at the time. youngest then said "well, you're getting me something new next year, right dad?" i admonished him, saying that he was acting spoiled and rubbing in his brother's face that he basically won the birth order lottery. youngest was upset by that comment and went to his room to sulk. my oldest said i was too hard on him, and my wife is pissed. i just think he needs to learn to be more considerate of others. is "spoiled" really such a nasty word?	4,356	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wxh69u/aita_for_calling_my_son_spoiled_and_saying_he_won/	2022-08-25 15:27:06	yta - a parent calling their child spoiled is hilarious. if they're spoiled it's because you spoiled them.	yta. if your child is spoiled, guess who made him that way? yep, you op. instead of berating him, maybe you should be teaching him about hard work and the value of money.	info do you realize how your son became spoiled?	get him a “christine” next year. he’ll learn real quick. nta	yta. you spoil a kid and then wonder why he acts spoiled. that’s on you. you shouldn’t make him feel bad. you can explain calmly and logically how life was and how it is now. maybe they will be appreciative instead of mad.	sorry to say, but all of this your fault 👀. you two raised him. you two spoiled him. esh.	esh he does sound spoiled and somewhat entitled do best to nip it in the bud but you’re the ones who spoiled him so it’s on you.	yta - you spoil the kid by buying him all the stuff his siblings couldn’t have and then expect him to not assume he will get a better car? you’ve created this monster by giving him everything he wants compared to the older siblings. in many family, the income of our parents increasing doesn’t stay all mean the youngest gets spoiled. there were a lot of other things you could have done with that money other than buy him toys. we all had to have jobs and learn to work part time no matter how much our parents made.	nta. you sound like a great parent, both for (i) telling your youngest that he should not rub the material possessions you allow him to have in other people's face, and (ii) raising an eldest son who is not resentful of his youngest brother.	nta. hes 15, he can handle the reality check. your wife will regret raising a spoiled brat.	YTA	YTA	INFO	NTA	YTA	ESH	ESH	YTA	NTA	NTA	0.539274	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm divorced and remarried. we had two sons, who are currently 26 and 21. my wife also has a daughter who is 21. with my current wife i have one son, 15. my ex and i were paycheck to paycheck when our kids were little, especially our oldest. when we managed to establish ourselves professionally, we were able to do more, but they both remembered what it was like to not have a lot. my stepdaughter is also very cognizant of cost and appreciative of things. because my wife and i are both doing very well, we have been able to give our son a lot. i'm talking expensive game systems, software, telescope, binoculars, high end cameras, expensive trips, a fancy bike, and it just goes on and on. my oldest son was over last night and telling a story that involved "christine." my youngest asked who christine was. my oldest explained that "she" was his first car, an old junker. my youngest asked questions about the car and them wondered why my oldest wanted to drive something so "old" and "goofy." i know he didn't mean anything by it, but i decided he needed a reality check. i told youngest son that the beater was all we could afford at the time. youngest then said "well, you're getting me something new next year, right dad?" i admonished him, saying that he was acting spoiled and rubbing in his brother's face that he basically won the birth order lottery. youngest was upset by that comment and went to his room to sulk. my oldest said i was too hard on him, and my wife is pissed. i just think he needs to learn to be more considerate of others. is "spoiled" really such a nasty word?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm divorced and remarried. we had two sons, who are currently 26 and 21. my wife also has a daughter who is 21. with my current wife i have one son, 15. my ex and i were paycheck to paycheck when our kids were little, especially our oldest. when we managed to establish ourselves professionally, we were able to do more, but they both remembered what it was like to not have a lot. my stepdaughter is also very cognizant of cost and appreciative of things. because my wife and i are both doing very well, we have been able to give our son a lot. i'm talking expensive game systems, software, telescope, binoculars, high end cameras, expensive trips, a fancy bike, and it just goes on and on. my oldest son was over last night and telling a story that involved "christine." my youngest asked who christine was. my oldest explained that "she" was his first car, an old junker. my youngest asked questions about the car and them wondered why my oldest wanted to drive something so "old" and "goofy." i know he didn't mean anything by it, but i decided he needed a reality check. i told youngest son that the beater was all we could afford at the time. youngest then said "well, you're getting me something new next year, right dad?" i admonished him, saying that he was acting spoiled and rubbing in his brother's face that he basically won the birth order lottery. youngest was upset by that comment and went to his room to sulk. my oldest said i was too hard on him, and my wife is pissed. i just think he needs to learn to be more considerate of others. is "spoiled" really such a nasty word? [/INST] yta - a parent calling their child spoiled is hilarious. if they're spoiled it's because you spoiled them. </s>
AITA for not paying for my girlfriend's petrol after borrowing her car?	i (28/m) scheduled a garage appointment last week, on a weekday, to have my car's original suspension installed and change to winter tires. the garage i use is in my hometown and i work in the city, about 45 minutes away. since my girlfriend (24/f) works from her apartment (we don't live together), i told her i would be taking her car. on the evening before the garage appointment, i drop my car off at the garage after work, have my gf come and pick me up, drop her back off at her apartment and then i go home (we live around 7 minutes from eachother). her car had around 3/4th of the tank full left of petrol. the next day i drive the 45 minutes to work, and sit in traffic on the way back for around 1 hour 30-45 minutes and head to the garage to pay, since the garage closes at 5:00pm and it was already 4:45pm at that point. after, i pickup my gf and drive back to the garage to get my car. as i'm walking away, my girlfriend pulls me aside and mentions how i've left her with less than a quarter of petrol and that she assumed i would at least fill it to where it was. i told her i didn't have time to stop at the gas station before paying at the garage since they closed. she mentions that i could have gone after, before picking her up. at this point i'm annoyed, because i just want to go home after working all day, so i tell her i'll fill it during the weekend when she comes over. over the weekend i paid for breakfast as i usually do. on sunday evening i mentioned that i'm going to go and put petrol in my own car and she asks about filling hers up. i told her that i wouldn't be filling hers up, since i had paid for breakfast over the weekend. she points out that she also paid for our supper on the friday, she bought ingredients and made me the cheesecake i asked for. i told her we take turns paying, and me paying for her breakfast was also me paying for her petrol. she then brought up that this was the second time in a row that i hadn't filled the petrol in her car after taking it for work, and that she wouldn't be "allowing" me to take her car anymore when mine is in the garage. i laughed in her face and told her i would transfer her 10$ for the petrol if she was going to be so petty. i didn't transfer her any money or put any petrol in her car. it ended up costing her 70$ to fill her tank, she did ask for the 10$ from me, but i told her if she asked again she would be paying for herself at the dinner date i planned this weekend. she says i'm an asshole that doesn't fullfil his promises, i told her that i didn't promise her anything. tl;dr - like the title says, i borrowed my girlfriends car while mine was in the garage and didn't fill it up with petrol after, even though i had used the majority of the tank. she nagged me about it but i stood firm and didn't pay since i paid for breakfast over the weekend as i usually do.	4,314	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r3cy1z/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_girlfriends_petrol/	2021-11-27 12:50:21	yta - fuel is expensive. it's basic respect to refill the fuel if you borrow someone's vehicle. but everything you've typed here is kind of monstrous. you don't sound like you have any respect or affection for your partner at all. you told her you were taking her car? under what authority? i hope you stick to your guns so she dumps you sooner than later.	yta. who cares if you paid for breakfast? that has absolutely nothing to do with you owing her money for petrol. she paid for dinner and the ingredients for cheesecake, which taken together, certainly cost more than breakfast (the cheapest meal of the day.) what a lame excuse to steal from her. i bougt you breakfast. you used her gas, you replace the gas. try not to be so much of an ah. ...told her i was taking her car. (ah--you should have asked, not told.) ...laughed in her face. (ah--you stole the equivalent of 50 or more dollars from her and laughed) ...i just want to go home after working all day. (so what? only an ah puts his comfort above paying his debts.) ...if she was going to be so petty. (i don't think she was the one being petty.) ...i didn't promise her anything (besides, of course, promising to fill up her tank on the weekend, and promising to send her a measly $10.00) tdlr: you're a prime example of an asshole.	yikes, yta. a lot of red flags here. you “told” her you’re taking her car. you didn’t ask? yikes. you laughed in her face? yikes. you only buy her breakfast to use that against her? yikes.	yta. “i laughed in her face” 🚩🚩 you took her car, used her gas. fill it up or give her money it’s common decency.	yta breakfast won’t get her around dude. unless you told her “hey i will pay for breakfast for the gas i will be using” then no. if she doesn’t have the $ to refill her gas tank & you used it all, how does breakfast help her?	yta. using a lot of her fuel and not refilling it more than once - i’m not at all surprised she’s stopping you using her car in future. from your comments you sound incredibly entitled and disrespectful which has reinforced my judgement. you’re lucky you’re not her ex. i also assume breakfast did not cost you $70	yta you clear don't like your girlfriend so why are you with her?	yta 100%!! it seems like you don’t like having a gf, you like having someone to control. the language in your post is really terrifying. “i told her i’d be taking her car” “i told her i didn’t have time to stop” “i laughed in her face” seriously you’re a good parents worst nightmare for their child. question op, if your gf switched roles with you and she took your car, refused to fill it back up, then paid for something else (you both enjoy doing together) and saying “there is your gas money babe quit asking” how would you feel?? from the way you sound i know you wouldn’t take it as easy as your gf has. relationships are about give and take. helping each other of course but being thankful and gracious for that support and help. you seem to think this give and take is all for your consumption while you do whatever to your gf even if it’s unfair rude or hurtful. this screams entitlement and i really hope you change your ways before it’s too late. yta yta yta.	yta. "i told her i would be taking her car." lol. the least you could do was replace her petrol. that's what usually people do when they borrow someone's car. unless, they're an asshole.	the rule i grew up with says to always fill the tank and buy the breakfast. the car owner/driver goes free. that is because the are paying other costs of the car. you used half a tank. replace that and more. fill her tank now, and you owe an apology plus another breakfast or four. yta/	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (28/m) scheduled a garage appointment last week, on a weekday, to have my car's original suspension installed and change to winter tires. the garage i use is in my hometown and i work in the city, about 45 minutes away. since my girlfriend (24/f) works from her apartment (we don't live together), i told her i would be taking her car. on the evening before the garage appointment, i drop my car off at the garage after work, have my gf come and pick me up, drop her back off at her apartment and then i go home (we live around 7 minutes from eachother). her car had around 3/4th of the tank full left of petrol. the next day i drive the 45 minutes to work, and sit in traffic on the way back for around 1 hour 30-45 minutes and head to the garage to pay, since the garage closes at 5:00pm and it was already 4:45pm at that point. after, i pickup my gf and drive back to the garage to get my car. as i'm walking away, my girlfriend pulls me aside and mentions how i've left her with less than a quarter of petrol and that she assumed i would at least fill it to where it was. i told her i didn't have time to stop at the gas station before paying at the garage since they closed. she mentions that i could have gone after, before picking her up. at this point i'm annoyed, because i just want to go home after working all day, so i tell her i'll fill it during the weekend when she comes over. over the weekend i paid for breakfast as i usually do. on sunday evening i mentioned that i'm going to go and put petrol in my own car and she asks about filling hers up. i told her that i wouldn't be filling hers up, since i had paid for breakfast over the weekend. she points out that she also paid for our supper on the friday, she bought ingredients and made me the cheesecake i asked for. i told her we take turns paying, and me paying for her breakfast was also me paying for her petrol. she then brought up that this was the second time in a row that i hadn't filled the petrol in her car after taking it for work, and that she wouldn't be "allowing" me to take her car anymore when mine is in the garage. i laughed in her face and told her i would transfer her 10$ for the petrol if she was going to be so petty. i didn't transfer her any money or put any petrol in her car. it ended up costing her 70$ to fill her tank, she did ask for the 10$ from me, but i told her if she asked again she would be paying for herself at the dinner date i planned this weekend. she says i'm an asshole that doesn't fullfil his promises, i told her that i didn't promise her anything. tl;dr - like the title says, i borrowed my girlfriends car while mine was in the garage and didn't fill it up with petrol after, even though i had used the majority of the tank. she nagged me about it but i stood firm and didn't pay since i paid for breakfast over the weekend as i usually do.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (28/m) scheduled a garage appointment last week, on a weekday, to have my car's original suspension installed and change to winter tires. the garage i use is in my hometown and i work in the city, about 45 minutes away. since my girlfriend (24/f) works from her apartment (we don't live together), i told her i would be taking her car. on the evening before the garage appointment, i drop my car off at the garage after work, have my gf come and pick me up, drop her back off at her apartment and then i go home (we live around 7 minutes from eachother). her car had around 3/4th of the tank full left of petrol. the next day i drive the 45 minutes to work, and sit in traffic on the way back for around 1 hour 30-45 minutes and head to the garage to pay, since the garage closes at 5:00pm and it was already 4:45pm at that point. after, i pickup my gf and drive back to the garage to get my car. as i'm walking away, my girlfriend pulls me aside and mentions how i've left her with less than a quarter of petrol and that she assumed i would at least fill it to where it was. i told her i didn't have time to stop at the gas station before paying at the garage since they closed. she mentions that i could have gone after, before picking her up. at this point i'm annoyed, because i just want to go home after working all day, so i tell her i'll fill it during the weekend when she comes over. over the weekend i paid for breakfast as i usually do. on sunday evening i mentioned that i'm going to go and put petrol in my own car and she asks about filling hers up. i told her that i wouldn't be filling hers up, since i had paid for breakfast over the weekend. she points out that she also paid for our supper on the friday, she bought ingredients and made me the cheesecake i asked for. i told her we take turns paying, and me paying for her breakfast was also me paying for her petrol. she then brought up that this was the second time in a row that i hadn't filled the petrol in her car after taking it for work, and that she wouldn't be "allowing" me to take her car anymore when mine is in the garage. i laughed in her face and told her i would transfer her 10$ for the petrol if she was going to be so petty. i didn't transfer her any money or put any petrol in her car. it ended up costing her 70$ to fill her tank, she did ask for the 10$ from me, but i told her if she asked again she would be paying for herself at the dinner date i planned this weekend. she says i'm an asshole that doesn't fullfil his promises, i told her that i didn't promise her anything. tl;dr - like the title says, i borrowed my girlfriends car while mine was in the garage and didn't fill it up with petrol after, even though i had used the majority of the tank. she nagged me about it but i stood firm and didn't pay since i paid for breakfast over the weekend as i usually do. [/INST] yta - fuel is expensive. it's basic respect to refill the fuel if you borrow someone's vehicle. but everything you've typed here is kind of monstrous. you don't sound like you have any respect or affection for your partner at all. you told her you were taking her car? under what authority? i hope you stick to your guns so she dumps you sooner than later. </s>
AITA for telling my mom I’m not gonna be her second choice just because my brother died?	me (23m) and my mom don’t have the best relationship. my parents broke up when i was 2. my mom was trying to do college so i was mostly with my dad and she’d have me every weekend. when i was 6 she got married and then a year later had my half brother “tommy.” after that she was cancelling our meetups or days i go over there because she was busy. missing out on school stuff and then birthdays. i barely saw her after that and her reason always was being busy with my half bro. i never even met him. like at all. i could also tell when i was around her husband didn’t like me. he was always serious around me and never actually spoke to me. years went on and it just went to total no talking at all. my dad got married to my stepmom when i was 10 and she’s really great. so 9 months ago i heard from my grandparents on facebook that tommy passed. idk the full details all i know it was some accident and he had serious injuries. thought about reaching out to my mom but it felt weird since we haven’t talked in years. she ended up the one messaging me. first telling me about what happened to tommy and then apologizing for not keeping contact with me for years. pretty much she wants to meet and for us to have a relationship again. it just felt off to me that she’s doing it only now after tommy passed. i know some of u are gonna say losing him maybe made her realize she was a shit mom to me, but still. if this hadn’t happened then it’s like she never would’ve reached out and wouldn’t be trying. i told her this too and i’m not interested in us having anything atm. this made her push even more that we need to do this and it just seemed like she was not gonna let this go. so i said i’m sorry for what happened to him but i’m not gonna be her 2nd choice. and she can’t expect me to want her back in just because she lost one child and decided she’ll go back to the other. maybe in the future if i feel differently but not right now. my mom hasn’t left me alone and when last time i talked to my grandparents they gave me shit about what i told her and i shouldn’t have said that to her after she’s lost her son. so i’m not sure if what i said was too harsh. saying i’m not interested in her right now just because my brother’s not around anymore and it’s like i’m just her only option now. it’s just how i feel since she dropped out of my life once she had another family. was i an asshole?	20,128	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m1ue66/aita_for_telling_my_mom_im_not_gonna_be_her/	2021-03-10 10:15:07	nta in the slightest imo... this shouldn’t be a question in your head man, don’t feel bad about not wanting a relationship, she ditched you for her other son and now only wants you now that he’s gone? fuck off. this is harsh but that’s karma. completely up to you but she doesn’t deserve you pal.	nta, and your grandparents are also ta if they've watched this situation unfold over years and only now decided to intervene. even if she's genuinely regretting the past, that's her problem because it was entirely her actions that put her in this place now. you aren't an emotional support animal that she can pick up when she needs it. it's very reasonable you don't want to be subbed in for tommy when you were already swapped for him once. she's going to need to demonstrate that she wants to get to know you as a person, not a substitute son. and she's got a lot of explaining to do. she made you a stranger. she doesn't get to call on strangers for help.	my son died ... but wait, i got a spare, don't i? nta	what you said was harsh, and probably not the best way to go about it, but she was pushing for a relationship that you're not interested in. she has been an absentee parent for what, 17 years now if i'm reading this correctly? if a relationship is started again at that point, it has to be on your terms, not hers, and it does not seem like she is respecting that. keep in mind that she fucked up her relationship with you. so, nta. your mother needs to respect your choices.	nta, despite what some family members tell you, you don't owe this woman anything. she made the choice to forgo a relationship with you every weekend for years, why should you be expected to do something different? good luck op	"after she lost her son" she traded one son for another and now decides to talk to you after his death? nta. she doesn't get to walk in and out of your life like that. she wouldn't have reached out if tommy hadn't died and everyone knows that. as far as she can be concerned with, she lost both of her sons, and she can stew in that thought.	nta- at the age of 6 your mother proved you were disposable to her. it's a two way street, you don't owe her anything. a more sympathetic person might suggest it took the death of your brother for her to realize how much she had neglected you. however, even if that is true, she deserves to live with these regrets for now. she lost one son years ago and she didn't care enough to realize it.	nta. your mother recently lost her son, but you effectively lost your mother about 17 years ago. she made her choice and reaffirmed it over the years by ignoring you. do not let anyone guilt trip you into a relationship in which you are not interested. if you feel the need to block her, then do so guilt free.	she lost a son that day to an accident, she made you lose a mother on purpose years ago. nta. you deserved so much better.	the fact that you didn’t even know your brother is really a testament to how far your “mother” pushed you out of her life. you do not owe her anything. nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (23m) and my mom don’t have the best relationship. my parents broke up when i was 2. my mom was trying to do college so i was mostly with my dad and she’d have me every weekend. when i was 6 she got married and then a year later had my half brother “tommy.” after that she was cancelling our meetups or days i go over there because she was busy. missing out on school stuff and then birthdays. i barely saw her after that and her reason always was being busy with my half bro. i never even met him. like at all. i could also tell when i was around her husband didn’t like me. he was always serious around me and never actually spoke to me. years went on and it just went to total no talking at all. my dad got married to my stepmom when i was 10 and she’s really great. so 9 months ago i heard from my grandparents on facebook that tommy passed. idk the full details all i know it was some accident and he had serious injuries. thought about reaching out to my mom but it felt weird since we haven’t talked in years. she ended up the one messaging me. first telling me about what happened to tommy and then apologizing for not keeping contact with me for years. pretty much she wants to meet and for us to have a relationship again. it just felt off to me that she’s doing it only now after tommy passed. i know some of u are gonna say losing him maybe made her realize she was a shit mom to me, but still. if this hadn’t happened then it’s like she never would’ve reached out and wouldn’t be trying. i told her this too and i’m not interested in us having anything atm. this made her push even more that we need to do this and it just seemed like she was not gonna let this go. so i said i’m sorry for what happened to him but i’m not gonna be her 2nd choice. and she can’t expect me to want her back in just because she lost one child and decided she’ll go back to the other. maybe in the future if i feel differently but not right now. my mom hasn’t left me alone and when last time i talked to my grandparents they gave me shit about what i told her and i shouldn’t have said that to her after she’s lost her son. so i’m not sure if what i said was too harsh. saying i’m not interested in her right now just because my brother’s not around anymore and it’s like i’m just her only option now. it’s just how i feel since she dropped out of my life once she had another family. was i an asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> me (23m) and my mom don’t have the best relationship. my parents broke up when i was 2. my mom was trying to do college so i was mostly with my dad and she’d have me every weekend. when i was 6 she got married and then a year later had my half brother “tommy.” after that she was cancelling our meetups or days i go over there because she was busy. missing out on school stuff and then birthdays. i barely saw her after that and her reason always was being busy with my half bro. i never even met him. like at all. i could also tell when i was around her husband didn’t like me. he was always serious around me and never actually spoke to me. years went on and it just went to total no talking at all. my dad got married to my stepmom when i was 10 and she’s really great. so 9 months ago i heard from my grandparents on facebook that tommy passed. idk the full details all i know it was some accident and he had serious injuries. thought about reaching out to my mom but it felt weird since we haven’t talked in years. she ended up the one messaging me. first telling me about what happened to tommy and then apologizing for not keeping contact with me for years. pretty much she wants to meet and for us to have a relationship again. it just felt off to me that she’s doing it only now after tommy passed. i know some of u are gonna say losing him maybe made her realize she was a shit mom to me, but still. if this hadn’t happened then it’s like she never would’ve reached out and wouldn’t be trying. i told her this too and i’m not interested in us having anything atm. this made her push even more that we need to do this and it just seemed like she was not gonna let this go. so i said i’m sorry for what happened to him but i’m not gonna be her 2nd choice. and she can’t expect me to want her back in just because she lost one child and decided she’ll go back to the other. maybe in the future if i feel differently but not right now. my mom hasn’t left me alone and when last time i talked to my grandparents they gave me shit about what i told her and i shouldn’t have said that to her after she’s lost her son. so i’m not sure if what i said was too harsh. saying i’m not interested in her right now just because my brother’s not around anymore and it’s like i’m just her only option now. it’s just how i feel since she dropped out of my life once she had another family. was i an asshole? [/INST] nta in the slightest imo... this shouldn’t be a question in your head man, don’t feel bad about not wanting a relationship, she ditched you for her other son and now only wants you now that he’s gone? fuck off. this is harsh but that’s karma. completely up to you but she doesn’t deserve you pal. </s>
AITA for throwing my sister out of my house after she billed me?	my sister is a trainwreck. she needed a place to stay and i have a large enough home for an extra person. she has no job or income. i told her she has a few months to get her shit together and leave. i give her about $100 a week to keep my house clean so she has some cash. i gave my sister her $100 and she said i owed her more. i was confused. she said she did other "work" for me. i asked her what more did she do? she said she walks my dog in the afternoon. i walk my dog every morning and evening. but she takes him with her on her afternoon walks. she said the going rate for a dogwalker is $25 per walk. 5 x $25 = $125 on top of the $100. then she mentions she put together a scrapbook of personal letters and papers. according to her and etsy, that job was easily another $75. i told her i never gave her permission to do those things. her argument is that those jobs fell under the umbrella of keeping the house clean and i was ripping her off. so i threw her out. the money isn't the issue. i have plenty of disposable income. i was disgusted how she came at me.	36,478	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iiqfnz/aita_for_throwing_my_sister_out_of_my_house_after/	2020-08-29 10:48:00	nta. i would have countered with a bill for food, rent and utilities.	nta do as she did. bill her for rent according to local housing prices, her share of water, electricity, internet, groceries ect.	[removed]	nta. put this in r/choosingbeggars how she is actually begging: she got 100 bucks, remember that she is living in op’s house, also she gets money every week and she wants 125+ more?	nta my response? "you know what sister, you're right. i do owe you for that time. so that's $250 right? now, for rent and utilities that's (going to use my own figures) $750 monthly. oh? that seems unfair? well that's half of my mortgage and half my utilities. you're right, that is unfair. that's an additional $150 surcharge for the parking lot, hoa fees, and groceries, another $60 for internet. so what are we at now? right, you owe me $960 and i owe you $250-- why don't i just take that out of what you owe me. so, $710 please." you were doing her a favour and she tried to turn it into a professional agreement. if that's what she wants, the agreement of a employer/employee, then it comes with the stipulations that your living arrangement is now one of roommates, not sisters. roommates pay rent, sisters get favours.	nta. your sister is basically getting payed for living at your house, which i understand since shes family, but asking for more money because she did stuff that you didnt ask her to do is fucked. maybe you shouldnt have thrown her out but talk to her and stop giving her money. if she lives there, its normal she does chores.	nta bill her for dog rental and craft therapy.	give her the extra $125 a week and tell her she owes you $250 a week for rent.	nta she was trying to take you for a ride and it backfired on her. good riddance.	if these "jobs" fall under the umbrella of house cleaning and you offered her $100 a week to clean house, then logically speaking, you paid her in full. the agreement was $100 a week to clean house, not $100 plus a bonus for extra work you didn't even ask for. nta.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister is a trainwreck. she needed a place to stay and i have a large enough home for an extra person. she has no job or income. i told her she has a few months to get her shit together and leave. i give her about $100 a week to keep my house clean so she has some cash. i gave my sister her $100 and she said i owed her more. i was confused. she said she did other "work" for me. i asked her what more did she do? she said she walks my dog in the afternoon. i walk my dog every morning and evening. but she takes him with her on her afternoon walks. she said the going rate for a dogwalker is $25 per walk. 5 x $25 = $125 on top of the $100. then she mentions she put together a scrapbook of personal letters and papers. according to her and etsy, that job was easily another $75. i told her i never gave her permission to do those things. her argument is that those jobs fell under the umbrella of keeping the house clean and i was ripping her off. so i threw her out. the money isn't the issue. i have plenty of disposable income. i was disgusted how she came at me.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my sister is a trainwreck. she needed a place to stay and i have a large enough home for an extra person. she has no job or income. i told her she has a few months to get her shit together and leave. i give her about $100 a week to keep my house clean so she has some cash. i gave my sister her $100 and she said i owed her more. i was confused. she said she did other "work" for me. i asked her what more did she do? she said she walks my dog in the afternoon. i walk my dog every morning and evening. but she takes him with her on her afternoon walks. she said the going rate for a dogwalker is $25 per walk. 5 x $25 = $125 on top of the $100. then she mentions she put together a scrapbook of personal letters and papers. according to her and etsy, that job was easily another $75. i told her i never gave her permission to do those things. her argument is that those jobs fell under the umbrella of keeping the house clean and i was ripping her off. so i threw her out. the money isn't the issue. i have plenty of disposable income. i was disgusted how she came at me. [/INST] nta. i would have countered with a bill for food, rent and utilities. </s>
AITA for refusing my wife's requests to hurl in the toilet?	so, i had some bad food last night and got sick. my wife has repeatedly requested that when i hurl, to do so in the toilet. there are a few reasons why this is tough and i refuse. for one, i might have just been there (which was in fact the case last night). 2, it's a tough position to get in if you are about to throw up, and 3, clean up is actually tougher. i always just throw up in the sink, and i did so last night.. i also cleaned it spotless afterwards with lysol, it looks better than before and is way cleaner than before. her problem is that now she thinks it's gross for her to use that sink. i say that it's equally gross for me to try to position myself in our small bathroom to hurl in the toilet that i was just sitting on. sorry for the gross topic, but anyway, aita for refusing this request and using the sink instead?	4,377	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sax838/aita_for_refusing_my_wifes_requests_to_hurl_in/	2022-01-23 16:21:31	yta. that’s disgusting. vomit (especially food poisoning) has chunks. so unless you have a garbage disposal you’re also gonna have a clogged sink with your puke. and you wanna keep washing dishes in that? cleaning it doesn’t get rid of the disease and bacteria-ridden mouth or the awful smell.	yta bodily waste goes in toilets. you find it gross to direct your bodily waste into the place your other bodily waste went, but you don't understand why your wife now finds it gross to use the receptacle intended for cleaning that has now received your bodily waste? if you know that you won't use the toilet, at least get yourself a designated sick bucket.	is this a joke? yta. i get that in an urgent moment you can't help where you vomit but the fact that you're defending it is another level. is the sink your puke vessel of choice? you cleaning the p-trap regularly?	yta. you could have clogged the sink or gotten chunks built up down in the drain. if the toilet is unacceptable, get a plastic bucket or trash can and use that, then empty it into the toilet. toilets are designed for solid waste, sinks are not.	yta — bro, barfing in the sink is definitely a last resort emergency situation, not the go-to vom receptacle — people do stuff in sinks like drain spaghetti and wash cooking pans, it should be kept sanitary. how fat & out of shape are you that you find it so challenging to squat down and barf into the toilet like literally everyone else?	yta - you are cleaning the sink but i doubt you are taking care of the piping. toilets are designed for solid waste, sinks are not. toilets flush, sinks do not.	yta, that's gross dude. this apparently isn't a one-off, out of the ordinary thing. you apparently puke so often an it's become an established habit that your partner literally has to ask you to stop doing it in the sink? not buying the food poisoning line, it's time to stop drinking.	yta. how would you feel if your wife shit in the sink, even if she said she “cleaned it spotless afterwards”? no matter how clean you think you’re getting it, it’s gross. sink drains and pipes aren’t designed to handle chunks and vomit, so you’re likely to cause clogs of vomit, too. gross.	yta put a bucket or a basin in the bathroom.	yta. you can clog the sink by vomiting into it. it really is not that hard to place your head over the toilet bowl and throw up. it’s also much easier to clean a toilet than a sink.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, i had some bad food last night and got sick. my wife has repeatedly requested that when i hurl, to do so in the toilet. there are a few reasons why this is tough and i refuse. for one, i might have just been there (which was in fact the case last night). 2, it's a tough position to get in if you are about to throw up, and 3, clean up is actually tougher. i always just throw up in the sink, and i did so last night.. i also cleaned it spotless afterwards with lysol, it looks better than before and is way cleaner than before. her problem is that now she thinks it's gross for her to use that sink. i say that it's equally gross for me to try to position myself in our small bathroom to hurl in the toilet that i was just sitting on. sorry for the gross topic, but anyway, aita for refusing this request and using the sink instead?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so, i had some bad food last night and got sick. my wife has repeatedly requested that when i hurl, to do so in the toilet. there are a few reasons why this is tough and i refuse. for one, i might have just been there (which was in fact the case last night). 2, it's a tough position to get in if you are about to throw up, and 3, clean up is actually tougher. i always just throw up in the sink, and i did so last night.. i also cleaned it spotless afterwards with lysol, it looks better than before and is way cleaner than before. her problem is that now she thinks it's gross for her to use that sink. i say that it's equally gross for me to try to position myself in our small bathroom to hurl in the toilet that i was just sitting on. sorry for the gross topic, but anyway, aita for refusing this request and using the sink instead? [/INST] yta. that’s disgusting. vomit (especially food poisoning) has chunks. so unless you have a garbage disposal you’re also gonna have a clogged sink with your puke. and you wanna keep washing dishes in that? cleaning it doesn’t get rid of the disease and bacteria-ridden mouth or the awful smell. </s>
AITA for calling my mother a racist bitch and disregarding the punishment she gave me?	my (17f) mother (35f) has always been racist, and she doesn't hide it either. she makes comments about african americans being "ugly" but the race she has the most prejudice towards is anyone who is chinese, japanese, korean, etc. she generalizes the way they speak and mocks them, she says they're all ugly, makes comments about how they "shouldn't drive" because they "can't see" properly, etc. i've heard this all throughout my life from her and every time i've wanted to call her out but was afraid of what she'd say because all my life she's been a ticking time bomb and most of the time i'm too exhausted to deal with her constantly going on a rampage of saying cruel things and then playing the victim after it all. this time in particular however, i was watching "a silent voice" beautiful anime movie by the way, it brought me to tears. one of the scenes showing how shouko speaks aloud was on while my mom was in the room, and of course as per routine she made a stupid comment basically stating that she's surprised anyone batted an eye at how she talks given that it's supposedly "as unintelligible as any other asian." i spoke up and said "oh shit, i forgot i can't watch what i enjoy without you trying too hard to make us laugh with an unfunny racist comment." she said "excuse me?" to which i replied that i was pretty sure she heard me, and then she asked me what it was like to have a "fetish" for asian people (???) so i said "what's it like to have such a bland personality that being a racist bitch is your main trait?" she blew up and told me i had no right to speak to her that way because she was my mother. basically i shrugged and i said that i'm treating her as i would any prejudiced person. i was grounded for being "disrespectful" because apparently being racist is nothing but an opinion /s. pretty much the same hour i walked out of the house and announced that i was sleeping over at a friend's house because there's no way i was gonna serve a punishment for calling out a racist. i'm getting mixed reactions. some say i was fully in the right and didn't need to change a thing, others say while i was in the right i should've just taken the punishment because i knew what the outcome would be. aita here reddit?	22,724	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqh51g/aita_for_calling_my_mother_a_racist_bitch_and/	2020-11-08 18:53:23	nta. as a japanese person, i am utterly disgusted by her racism. it is also beyond me how an anime movie has anything to do with a "fetish for asian people."	nta, but you must understand consequences. i went toe to toe with my dad on a daily basis. there were literal fist fights. he had a half-mexican, openly pansexual daughter who was a survivor of child abuse -- and he shit on everything i was with regularity. he was absolutely in the wrong. i haven't spoken to him more than once or twice this last decade. in fact, i told him that the next time i see him is when we're lowering him into the ground. but your ideals will not feed, clothe, nor house you. the day i walked out of my dad's house, i knew i'd rather live on the streets than spend another moment under that hateful man's roof. and i did. i wound up homeless for almost 4 months as an 18-year-old woman. it took me nearly 6 years to claw my way out of absolute poverty thereafter. i'm not telling you to be fine with what she says and who she is. i'm saying if you push her buttons, she has the power to upend your entire world and slap you with a dose of reality that'll mess you up for years. be prepared to suffer the consequences for biting the hand that feeds you.	[removed]	nta but given your age, might have been better to stay quiet depends on fast you're gonna leave the house	personally i would have waited until after moving out, but nta: that conversation was going to happen eventually.	nta. good for you for standing up to her. but you need to be a little careful. make sure you have a plan for being financially independent when you turn 18.	nta ✊	nta, you have been listening to your mom talk horribly about other races (who have done absolutely nothing wrong) for your whole life. it was inevitable you were going to blow up at her eventually. my dad was a huge racist. he hated everyone that wasn't white and liked to say, "when does the white man get his chance?" while working a job making $70/hr. when he died we found nazi and confederate flags in his garage and my grandma burned them. he was a very miserable man and i think he just liked to take it out on other people. when i stopped living with him i started calling him out on his crap. i would scream at him and tell him why he was wrong. because he wasn't better than these people and it wasn't fair. he eventually stopped saying anything racist in front of me and told my sister he was 'scared' of me and honestly? good. cause i'm not going to sit there and listen to people talk crap because their uneducated and prejudice. also that movie was amazing!! sorry your mom tried to ruin it for you.	nta nothing quite like racist family members /s - you took all you were gonna take and you weren’t taking nummore. can’t have a family get together (pre covid) without my blood boiling at some of the shit my extended family says, i completely understand your pov.	nta. once you show your racism, you don’t deserve respect. even if she is your mother.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (17f) mother (35f) has always been racist, and she doesn't hide it either. she makes comments about african americans being "ugly" but the race she has the most prejudice towards is anyone who is chinese, japanese, korean, etc. she generalizes the way they speak and mocks them, she says they're all ugly, makes comments about how they "shouldn't drive" because they "can't see" properly, etc. i've heard this all throughout my life from her and every time i've wanted to call her out but was afraid of what she'd say because all my life she's been a ticking time bomb and most of the time i'm too exhausted to deal with her constantly going on a rampage of saying cruel things and then playing the victim after it all. this time in particular however, i was watching "a silent voice" beautiful anime movie by the way, it brought me to tears. one of the scenes showing how shouko speaks aloud was on while my mom was in the room, and of course as per routine she made a stupid comment basically stating that she's surprised anyone batted an eye at how she talks given that it's supposedly "as unintelligible as any other asian." i spoke up and said "oh shit, i forgot i can't watch what i enjoy without you trying too hard to make us laugh with an unfunny racist comment." she said "excuse me?" to which i replied that i was pretty sure she heard me, and then she asked me what it was like to have a "fetish" for asian people (???) so i said "what's it like to have such a bland personality that being a racist bitch is your main trait?" she blew up and told me i had no right to speak to her that way because she was my mother. basically i shrugged and i said that i'm treating her as i would any prejudiced person. i was grounded for being "disrespectful" because apparently being racist is nothing but an opinion /s. pretty much the same hour i walked out of the house and announced that i was sleeping over at a friend's house because there's no way i was gonna serve a punishment for calling out a racist. i'm getting mixed reactions. some say i was fully in the right and didn't need to change a thing, others say while i was in the right i should've just taken the punishment because i knew what the outcome would be. aita here reddit?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (17f) mother (35f) has always been racist, and she doesn't hide it either. she makes comments about african americans being "ugly" but the race she has the most prejudice towards is anyone who is chinese, japanese, korean, etc. she generalizes the way they speak and mocks them, she says they're all ugly, makes comments about how they "shouldn't drive" because they "can't see" properly, etc. i've heard this all throughout my life from her and every time i've wanted to call her out but was afraid of what she'd say because all my life she's been a ticking time bomb and most of the time i'm too exhausted to deal with her constantly going on a rampage of saying cruel things and then playing the victim after it all. this time in particular however, i was watching "a silent voice" beautiful anime movie by the way, it brought me to tears. one of the scenes showing how shouko speaks aloud was on while my mom was in the room, and of course as per routine she made a stupid comment basically stating that she's surprised anyone batted an eye at how she talks given that it's supposedly "as unintelligible as any other asian." i spoke up and said "oh shit, i forgot i can't watch what i enjoy without you trying too hard to make us laugh with an unfunny racist comment." she said "excuse me?" to which i replied that i was pretty sure she heard me, and then she asked me what it was like to have a "fetish" for asian people (???) so i said "what's it like to have such a bland personality that being a racist bitch is your main trait?" she blew up and told me i had no right to speak to her that way because she was my mother. basically i shrugged and i said that i'm treating her as i would any prejudiced person. i was grounded for being "disrespectful" because apparently being racist is nothing but an opinion /s. pretty much the same hour i walked out of the house and announced that i was sleeping over at a friend's house because there's no way i was gonna serve a punishment for calling out a racist. i'm getting mixed reactions. some say i was fully in the right and didn't need to change a thing, others say while i was in the right i should've just taken the punishment because i knew what the outcome would be. aita here reddit? [/INST] nta. as a japanese person, i am utterly disgusted by her racism. it is also beyond me how an anime movie has anything to do with a "fetish for asian people." </s>
AITA for hiding my personal life at work?	i'm in a little trouble at work because i've been sort of hiding my personal life. i've worked in this office for about nine years, working my way up. i'm notoriously private and also believe in a clear separation of work and home life. with that, i never, ever talk about home life. i'm not ashamed of my life i just don't like to discuss it at work. my coworkers enjoy talking about their personal lives and often include me. if i'm asked any questions i usually redirect or move on to someone else. in this manner, none of my coworkers knew i'm married, have twin daughters and a very active personal life. we hired melinda last year and she took it upon herself to become the office snoop. she spent several weeks getting as close to everyone as possible. however, she does this to seek out potentially useful information she can hold over peoples head. try as she did, i never gave her anything. my coworkers view me as a sort of enigma. compartmentalization aside, i've made some great friendships at work. there are more things to talk about than my husband and my kids. they are a big part of my life but i'm not even going to martyr myself and say they're the most important. they're hugely important and come before everything else but i'm not a sycophant and i enjoy the ten hours a day i'm at work when i get to be an adult and talk about things other than jojo siwa and the newest jenndashian exploit. last week, friday, melinda came into work looking like the cat who got the goldfish. at lunch she announced to everyone that i am married with two daughters, a dog, and a nice house. i play softball, i kayak, and occasionally mountain climb and that i'm on facebook. she couldn't see my posts however some of my photos are shared with others and therefore not private. i use a shortened version of my name (ali from alexandra) and my married name on fb so i'm not sure how she found me, unless she used whitepages and put two and two together. i've already reported her to hr. but the problem is, my coworkers are acting like this is a bfd. one of my friends said she's hurt that i don't trust any of them and hold them in "such low regard". i tried to explain that it's nothing against anyone, i just don't like discussing home at work and vice versa. i never bring work home. when i'm home that's time with my kids, or my dog, or my husband, or friends and hobbies. heck, i chose to live an hour outside of the city in a small town just to avoid work when i'm not there. i've apologized if any feelings were hurt but my coworkers are now giving me the chill and won't talk to me unless it's directly about work. i honestly don't see the problem. i've never lied to them, i've never given them false info, i've never made up wild tales about my life. i'm still the same person i was, now they just know more about me than they did. aita? &#x200b;	19,076	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d66v6a/aita_for_hiding_my_personal_life_at_work/	2019-09-19 01:20:59	nta- melinda needs to mind her fucking business. i would complain to hr about her harassing you.	you’re totally justified in wanting to keep personal and professional lives separate. your business is your business, and you’re entitled to keep it that way. of course, i’m not sure you can call people friends and actively hide your life from them. it’s reasonable for people who thought they knew you to feel pretty shitty about the fact that you’ve been lying to them by omission for years. and honestly, it’s also reasonable for them to give you what you wanted: work life separate from personal life. i wouldn’t be social with someone who told me they don’t want me to know even be most basic things about them (like their marital status or kids’ names) either. i’d stick to work and leave them be. you would be ta if you expected this not to change relationships at all. let’s be honest, you knew it would, or you would have just told them you wanted to keep them out of your personal life in the first place instead of obfuscating. you would have said “no thanks, i don’t talk personal relationships at work,” instead of changing the subject. essentially, you wanted to keep them out of your personal life while still getting to be part of theirs. i’m not sure that makes you ta, but it’s not great either. now that said, the snoop’s clearly ta, so it’s not a straight n a h. like obviously she should just mind her own business, and creeping on people’s social media is stalker level shitty. then announcing it to everyone was even worse. she’s an asshole, and a big one. so tl;dr, nta, but also i don’t think you’re being wholly fair to the rest of your coworkers either. they’re nta for feeling hurt or keeping you at a distance either; you’ve been doing it to them for years, and it’s pretty unreasonable to expect them to welcome finding out you’ve been hiding things from them.	you're not the asshole but you can't expect them to talk to you about anything else but work.	yta but only sort of. melinda is a huge asshole. anyway, i’m going to be downvoted so bad for this, i can already tell. it honestly blows my mind that you could work with people for nine years and not even mention once that you’re married or have kids. i don’t think you’re an asshole for wanting to be private but you’re acting like you’re in the witness protection program. i don’t expect my coworkers to tell me personal things but we all have a very basic idea of what each other’s home lives are like. because when you first meet people at work it’s a pretty common question “do you have any kids?” especially if you work with other women. how was this question never asked once in 9 years? it just seems like a lot of work to keep them 100% in the dark about anything about you. how is that not exhausting?	nta - melinda is. that is your private life, and exactly that, you are entitled to keep it private. to me, melinda could be considered a stalker and possibly a matter for the police, let alone hr.	yta, but barely. you don't have to share your personal life, but you can't expect these people to be friends with you when you won't let them know the most basic details of your life. of course they're only going to talk business with you, you set that precedent. so you're not ta for your actions, weird as they are, but for your hypocritical expectations of others. also, i'd be pretty hurt if my wife's coworkers didn't know that i and our children existed.	esh. the coworker’s snooping is obnoxious and unnecessary, but the other coworkers are right that you are being insanely unfriendly. everyone reading this post already knows more about you than the people you see every day. consciously covering all this normal stuff up is really fucked up.	nta but you also can’t really complain if they aren’t going to be friends with you. yeah they are only going to talk to you about work...because that’s what you wanted. people are friends with people; people with histories and feelings and stories. you are refusing to be that so they aren’t going to be your friend. most people are going to feel like you don’t trust them enough to share even basic info about your life, which is going to make them not trust you in return, especially now that they know that you are actively hiding details of your life. nta because you have that right to be private, i’m just surprised that you’re surprised they don’t feel like trying to have a personal relationship with you when you clearly don’t want one with them.	nta - you are allowed to keep your personal life separate from work, but, after 9 years your coworker who felt like they were close to you realized you have an entire life that you don't want to talk to them about, which they are understandably hurt about. the one who truly sucks is melinda, who went out of her way to pry into your life and share with everyone.	nah. you’re entitled to your privacy. i too have always kept my private live private. however, you took this to an extreme level, not even sharing you’re married or have children. this is unusual and you shouldn’t be surprised that this is the result. you can maintain privacy without appearing secretive.	NTA	NAH	NTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	NAH	0.341285	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm in a little trouble at work because i've been sort of hiding my personal life. i've worked in this office for about nine years, working my way up. i'm notoriously private and also believe in a clear separation of work and home life. with that, i never, ever talk about home life. i'm not ashamed of my life i just don't like to discuss it at work. my coworkers enjoy talking about their personal lives and often include me. if i'm asked any questions i usually redirect or move on to someone else. in this manner, none of my coworkers knew i'm married, have twin daughters and a very active personal life. we hired melinda last year and she took it upon herself to become the office snoop. she spent several weeks getting as close to everyone as possible. however, she does this to seek out potentially useful information she can hold over peoples head. try as she did, i never gave her anything. my coworkers view me as a sort of enigma. compartmentalization aside, i've made some great friendships at work. there are more things to talk about than my husband and my kids. they are a big part of my life but i'm not even going to martyr myself and say they're the most important. they're hugely important and come before everything else but i'm not a sycophant and i enjoy the ten hours a day i'm at work when i get to be an adult and talk about things other than jojo siwa and the newest jenndashian exploit. last week, friday, melinda came into work looking like the cat who got the goldfish. at lunch she announced to everyone that i am married with two daughters, a dog, and a nice house. i play softball, i kayak, and occasionally mountain climb and that i'm on facebook. she couldn't see my posts however some of my photos are shared with others and therefore not private. i use a shortened version of my name (ali from alexandra) and my married name on fb so i'm not sure how she found me, unless she used whitepages and put two and two together. i've already reported her to hr. but the problem is, my coworkers are acting like this is a bfd. one of my friends said she's hurt that i don't trust any of them and hold them in "such low regard". i tried to explain that it's nothing against anyone, i just don't like discussing home at work and vice versa. i never bring work home. when i'm home that's time with my kids, or my dog, or my husband, or friends and hobbies. heck, i chose to live an hour outside of the city in a small town just to avoid work when i'm not there. i've apologized if any feelings were hurt but my coworkers are now giving me the chill and won't talk to me unless it's directly about work. i honestly don't see the problem. i've never lied to them, i've never given them false info, i've never made up wild tales about my life. i'm still the same person i was, now they just know more about me than they did. aita? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm in a little trouble at work because i've been sort of hiding my personal life. i've worked in this office for about nine years, working my way up. i'm notoriously private and also believe in a clear separation of work and home life. with that, i never, ever talk about home life. i'm not ashamed of my life i just don't like to discuss it at work. my coworkers enjoy talking about their personal lives and often include me. if i'm asked any questions i usually redirect or move on to someone else. in this manner, none of my coworkers knew i'm married, have twin daughters and a very active personal life. we hired melinda last year and she took it upon herself to become the office snoop. she spent several weeks getting as close to everyone as possible. however, she does this to seek out potentially useful information she can hold over peoples head. try as she did, i never gave her anything. my coworkers view me as a sort of enigma. compartmentalization aside, i've made some great friendships at work. there are more things to talk about than my husband and my kids. they are a big part of my life but i'm not even going to martyr myself and say they're the most important. they're hugely important and come before everything else but i'm not a sycophant and i enjoy the ten hours a day i'm at work when i get to be an adult and talk about things other than jojo siwa and the newest jenndashian exploit. last week, friday, melinda came into work looking like the cat who got the goldfish. at lunch she announced to everyone that i am married with two daughters, a dog, and a nice house. i play softball, i kayak, and occasionally mountain climb and that i'm on facebook. she couldn't see my posts however some of my photos are shared with others and therefore not private. i use a shortened version of my name (ali from alexandra) and my married name on fb so i'm not sure how she found me, unless she used whitepages and put two and two together. i've already reported her to hr. but the problem is, my coworkers are acting like this is a bfd. one of my friends said she's hurt that i don't trust any of them and hold them in "such low regard". i tried to explain that it's nothing against anyone, i just don't like discussing home at work and vice versa. i never bring work home. when i'm home that's time with my kids, or my dog, or my husband, or friends and hobbies. heck, i chose to live an hour outside of the city in a small town just to avoid work when i'm not there. i've apologized if any feelings were hurt but my coworkers are now giving me the chill and won't talk to me unless it's directly about work. i honestly don't see the problem. i've never lied to them, i've never given them false info, i've never made up wild tales about my life. i'm still the same person i was, now they just know more about me than they did. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta- melinda needs to mind her fucking business. i would complain to hr about her harassing you. </s>
AITA for saying ‘what did she expect’ when my girlfriend told me her best friend’s affair partner has vanished into thin air when she told him she was pregnant?	i’ve been with my girlfriend coming up to 1 year now. her best friend has been having a 3 month affair with a married man. she knows he is married. she found out she was pregnant a month back and he has completely disappeared into thin air. he has blocked or deleted her from tinder and she never got his real name (they both went by aliases) and now she is desperately searching for him on facebook but nothing even in the ballpark has come up. the guy offered her abortion money and offered to go with her. she refused because she has a 3 y/o and she wants a sibling for her baby. i can’t say i didn’t see him disappearing. he’s a piece of shit coward for having an affair in the first place and so of course he’s gonna abscond from a pregnancy from his side chick too. from my perspective it’s fairly obvious he was using my girlfriends friend and she should have either known that or have been prepared to deal with the consequences. my girlfriend is very worried about her friend and keeps talking to me about it and asking what i think even though i’ve made it clear i don’t approve of either of their trashy behavior. i told her ‘well what did she expect?’ she keeps asking me if i think ‘as a man’ is it possible he will come back. i said hell no. sometimes especially within the context of a couple talking let’s be frank we won’t always be politically correct. she flipped her shit and said that my attitude towards her pregnant friend is misogynistic and i’m being heartless. i don’t think i am and i feel i’m allowed to have an obvious opinion such as that.	21,607	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gda74l/aita_for_saying_what_did_she_expect_when_my/	2020-05-04 11:52:23	nta it doesn't take a man to see that he's not coming back. what did she expect him to do? leave his partner for her when they didn't even tell each other their actual names? i think him offering to pay for an abortion was a clear not very subtle hint that he wants nothing to do with a child and in extension her if she has the child.	nta she knew what she was getting into and you're being honest i get it's her friend but that's no excuse for her behavior	nta cold but truthful. sounds like she was a bit naive. people don't use aliases to cover themselves but then magically come to the light when there's a pregnancy.	nta. and i find the fact your girlfriend said you were being misogynistic troubling. almost as if she views holding adult women accountable for their actions as offensive or incorrect. definitely a red flag on your gf op. and that's before mentioning she clearly knew her friend was sleeping with a married man and didn't talk her out of it/talk sense into her. she didn't care that her friend was essentially a homewrecker. and is expecting you to feel sorry that her scummy friend got ghosted by the man she was the mistress of?? she needs to imagine if her friend was instead sleeping with you how she would have felt. but yeah, she (the woman sleeping with a married man) 100% should have known better, and is imo deserving of it, considering she knew he was married the whole time.	nta. also, unless you haven't mentioned the core of the conversation, how is that mysoginy?	nta your girlfriend is using words without understanding what they mean. there is no prejudice against women here. if anything, she's having to face the ramifications of her actions as an adult women. women should of course be able to choose their own sexual partners and have full body autonomy. the girl is question chose to have an affair with a married man and made the decision that it was acceptable for them both to use aliases. she's choosing to keep the baby. however the op is right. this was not a setup for a supportive relationship. what did she expect to happen?	not tactful but not wrong. that dude is gone forever. she should definitely abort before it's too late. if you guys need to be cruel to make her realize it then she'll be better for it. also, their behavior was straight trashy. idk who fools around with someone for 3 months and doesn't even get their name.	nta. but i'd like to honestly say i disagree with this: >from my perspective it’s fairly obvious he was using my girlfriends friend and she should have either known that or have been prepared to deal with the consequences. while i don't disagree he was "using" her, this makes it sound like she was a poor victim of an evil man when in actuality, knowing he was married, she knew exactly what their relationship was. they deserved each other, and while i hope she finds him for the sake of the child (that he has an obligation to support, even if just financially), what she is going through right now is no more than the chickens coming home to roost.	nta. you were asked if you thought he would come back, not if you thought he should come take responsibility for the pregnancy he had a part in. should he? probably. will he? doubt it. you answered the question you were asked.	info: you being correct doesn't mean you weren't an asshole in how you presented it. there isn't enough context here regarding how these discussions with your girlfriend went.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve been with my girlfriend coming up to 1 year now. her best friend has been having a 3 month affair with a married man. she knows he is married. she found out she was pregnant a month back and he has completely disappeared into thin air. he has blocked or deleted her from tinder and she never got his real name (they both went by aliases) and now she is desperately searching for him on facebook but nothing even in the ballpark has come up. the guy offered her abortion money and offered to go with her. she refused because she has a 3 y/o and she wants a sibling for her baby. i can’t say i didn’t see him disappearing. he’s a piece of shit coward for having an affair in the first place and so of course he’s gonna abscond from a pregnancy from his side chick too. from my perspective it’s fairly obvious he was using my girlfriends friend and she should have either known that or have been prepared to deal with the consequences. my girlfriend is very worried about her friend and keeps talking to me about it and asking what i think even though i’ve made it clear i don’t approve of either of their trashy behavior. i told her ‘well what did she expect?’ she keeps asking me if i think ‘as a man’ is it possible he will come back. i said hell no. sometimes especially within the context of a couple talking let’s be frank we won’t always be politically correct. she flipped her shit and said that my attitude towards her pregnant friend is misogynistic and i’m being heartless. i don’t think i am and i feel i’m allowed to have an obvious opinion such as that.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i’ve been with my girlfriend coming up to 1 year now. her best friend has been having a 3 month affair with a married man. she knows he is married. she found out she was pregnant a month back and he has completely disappeared into thin air. he has blocked or deleted her from tinder and she never got his real name (they both went by aliases) and now she is desperately searching for him on facebook but nothing even in the ballpark has come up. the guy offered her abortion money and offered to go with her. she refused because she has a 3 y/o and she wants a sibling for her baby. i can’t say i didn’t see him disappearing. he’s a piece of shit coward for having an affair in the first place and so of course he’s gonna abscond from a pregnancy from his side chick too. from my perspective it’s fairly obvious he was using my girlfriends friend and she should have either known that or have been prepared to deal with the consequences. my girlfriend is very worried about her friend and keeps talking to me about it and asking what i think even though i’ve made it clear i don’t approve of either of their trashy behavior. i told her ‘well what did she expect?’ she keeps asking me if i think ‘as a man’ is it possible he will come back. i said hell no. sometimes especially within the context of a couple talking let’s be frank we won’t always be politically correct. she flipped her shit and said that my attitude towards her pregnant friend is misogynistic and i’m being heartless. i don’t think i am and i feel i’m allowed to have an obvious opinion such as that. [/INST] nta it doesn't take a man to see that he's not coming back. what did she expect him to do? leave his partner for her when they didn't even tell each other their actual names? i think him offering to pay for an abortion was a clear not very subtle hint that he wants nothing to do with a child and in extension her if she has the child. </s>
AITA for telling a guy behind me in the grocery store line to mind his fucking business?	this happened this morning. i was at the grocery store buying some food and then while the cashier was done scanning my shit, i asked her to get me a carton of camels. i don’t smoke, they were for my grandpa. so when i asked, the cashier went to the place where they kept em. the guy behind me in line, middle aged dude, said “you’re so young, you shouldn’t be smoking.” i don’t think this was an appropriate comment even if i did smoke because its none of his fucking business. i said “they’re not for me, they’re for my grandpa.” the cashier came back with the cigs and rang em up. and then the dude piped up again and said something about how my grandpa shouldn’t smoke either. listen, my grandpa is 92 years old, smoking makes him happy and if he wants to smoke, i’m more than happy to help. but none of that was this guy’s business so instead of saying something clever or snappy, i said “sorry but i don’t think thats any of your fucking business.” i was admittedly extremely pissed when i said this. the cashier gave me a look and the guy behind me said “sorry. jesus.” i left the grocery store and told my dad about it and he said that the dude was not being an asshole but just trying to be friendly. i think he’s totally fucking wrong. the guy was being invasive and gross. but i’m also not shy about public confrontations so idk if i was in the right here.	19,405	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k8kryw/aita_for_telling_a_guy_behind_me_in_the_grocery/	2020-12-07 17:16:22	nta - the guy sounds like the kind of person who says : « you’d be prettier if you’d smile » edit : wow this comment blew up while i was off my phone. thanks for the awards and for all the nice ideas! i usually (when in a work related situation) put on my biggest fakest smile (which i affectionately call my cheerleader smile) and tell them to have a very very nice day in an over enthusiastic customer service voice. it usually enrage them because they can see i’m sarcastic but can’t comment further as i am smiling and being polite.	nta. it's none of his business and he shouldn't be saying anything unless it's actively affecting him. also i was so ready for this to be about masks, ngl	nta and i don't know why everyone is clutching their pearls over swearing. giving strangers unsolicited advice is not "friendly," as your dad put it. you also first attempted to nonconfrontationally dismiss the dude by telling him they were not for you. he took a beat to process and then ignored your dismissal by offering more unsolicited advice. you succinctly shut him down.	esh - yes he was nosy. the way you justify your hostile reaction is why civility is no longer an option in society anymore. we can and should do better. not every poor interaction requires you go go ballistic. if at some point in time we could get to the point of thinking that was rude, but instead of attacking back, do something different. congratulations, you just showed two people in your world your kind of a dick to others. that guy didn't learn that he shouldn't bud in, he learned you have a tempter, and are not a very nice person. you left that impression on both the nosy guy and the cashier.	esh. he was rude for saying what he said and you were rude for being snappy and swearing at him. just wish people were generally nicer to each other. someone says something like that to me, yeah they're being a bit rude but if they're not being aggressive or horrible i just assume they're trying to come from a good place and i treat them that way, because what's the harm? i'd have just laughed and said 'yeah but he's 92, he gets to smoke if he wants to.' just...why not be friendly when there's no need to be rude, even if someone is being a little cheeky?	nta. the guy was not in any way being "friendly." he was basically harassing you. if he'd left it alone after the first mention (when you said they were for your grandpa), you wouldn't have had to get snappy to shut him down. (although i think even mentioning it once was uncalled for. everyone knows the risks of cigarettes. did he really expect you to say, "wow, i had no idea, thanks for enlightening me! cashier, nevermind!"?)	nta you’re right, it’s none of his business	he wouldn't have said that to a man i bet.	nta - this isn't friendly or funny...why was it any of his business?	nta. are you a woman? because random middle-aged men love to stick their nose in women's business and then pretend we're the ones with a problem when we put them in their place.	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	ESH	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0.06929	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened this morning. i was at the grocery store buying some food and then while the cashier was done scanning my shit, i asked her to get me a carton of camels. i don’t smoke, they were for my grandpa. so when i asked, the cashier went to the place where they kept em. the guy behind me in line, middle aged dude, said “you’re so young, you shouldn’t be smoking.” i don’t think this was an appropriate comment even if i did smoke because its none of his fucking business. i said “they’re not for me, they’re for my grandpa.” the cashier came back with the cigs and rang em up. and then the dude piped up again and said something about how my grandpa shouldn’t smoke either. listen, my grandpa is 92 years old, smoking makes him happy and if he wants to smoke, i’m more than happy to help. but none of that was this guy’s business so instead of saying something clever or snappy, i said “sorry but i don’t think thats any of your fucking business.” i was admittedly extremely pissed when i said this. the cashier gave me a look and the guy behind me said “sorry. jesus.” i left the grocery store and told my dad about it and he said that the dude was not being an asshole but just trying to be friendly. i think he’s totally fucking wrong. the guy was being invasive and gross. but i’m also not shy about public confrontations so idk if i was in the right here.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this happened this morning. i was at the grocery store buying some food and then while the cashier was done scanning my shit, i asked her to get me a carton of camels. i don’t smoke, they were for my grandpa. so when i asked, the cashier went to the place where they kept em. the guy behind me in line, middle aged dude, said “you’re so young, you shouldn’t be smoking.” i don’t think this was an appropriate comment even if i did smoke because its none of his fucking business. i said “they’re not for me, they’re for my grandpa.” the cashier came back with the cigs and rang em up. and then the dude piped up again and said something about how my grandpa shouldn’t smoke either. listen, my grandpa is 92 years old, smoking makes him happy and if he wants to smoke, i’m more than happy to help. but none of that was this guy’s business so instead of saying something clever or snappy, i said “sorry but i don’t think thats any of your fucking business.” i was admittedly extremely pissed when i said this. the cashier gave me a look and the guy behind me said “sorry. jesus.” i left the grocery store and told my dad about it and he said that the dude was not being an asshole but just trying to be friendly. i think he’s totally fucking wrong. the guy was being invasive and gross. but i’m also not shy about public confrontations so idk if i was in the right here. [/INST] nta - the guy sounds like the kind of person who says : « you’d be prettier if you’d smile » edit : wow this comment blew up while i was off my phone. thanks for the awards and for all the nice ideas! i usually (when in a work related situation) put on my biggest fakest smile (which i affectionately call my cheerleader smile) and tell them to have a very very nice day in an over enthusiastic customer service voice. it usually enrage them because they can see i’m sarcastic but can’t comment further as i am smiling and being polite. </s>
AITA for buying my sons houses but not my stepdaughter?	i'm 48m, girlfriend is 44f, her daughter is 21f, my sons are 23m and 25m but they're mostly irrelevant to this post. i've been dating girlfriend for six years. years ago i bought both of my sons homes. i told them both the same budget, go find a house you like and let me see it, and i'll buy it for you. it was college graduation gifts sort of. i promised the same to my stepdaughter: graduate college, get a home wherever you want with a $200,000 budget. i firmly believe you can't get far in life with the current apartment rental rates, so this takes a major load off of shoulders. well, she graduated this past april and my girlfriend is bugging me to get the ball into motion on getting her a house. the thing is that when i made that promise years ago, i assumed we'd be married by now. i want to get married, but she doesn't want to. i told her i don't feel comfortable buying a house for someone "not officially in the family" if that makes sense. now the promise is if we get married, she can have a house, but i did make a compromise i could buy her a house but it remains in my name. my fear is i buy a house for someone, my girlfriend and i don't work out and split, then i've basically bought a house for a stranger. am i being an asshole here? if it makes a difference, my girlfriend is a sahm, stepdaughter lives with us. stepdaughter works in a hospital right now but it's relatively far (city over, 40\~min drive). i'm retired but have large savings, so i'm the only one with the money to make it happen.	5,820	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c3cctv/aita_for_buying_my_sons_houses_but_not_my/	2019-06-21 15:55:58	yta - in the general sense that you are reneging on a promise but that said, as an outsider, i wouldn't blame you for not buying her the house.	nta. first, you're extremely generous with your children. buying your kids their first home is a huge head start in life. i think your compromise is fair. $200k is a lot of money to part with without a commitment and/or family bond. seems fair that the house is in your name until you and girlfriend tie the knot.	nah - but yikes! you let your promises over run your rationale. your logic is completely correct but you should not have promised that to a girlfriends daughter. no sir. yall could be broken up by now. i mean you never know. it would have been different if you two were married at the time. your poor step daughter is the one paying the price here by having promises made and broken due to her parent and step parent not making good choices.	nta. you’re trying to protect yourself but i’d be worrying if i were you that the only reason your gf would marry you is to get her daughter the house. perhaps a compromise would be money for a deposit? then it’s on your stepdaughter to get a mortgage etc but you’ve still helped her out but not to the tune of $200k.	nah - yes you made a promise, but they are acting like they are entitled to your $200k. that’s a lot of money. you also say that you would buy the house and let her live there, but it would stay in your name. that accomplishes the same thing as you promised, except now they can’t “steal” that house from you. major red flag imo	yta because you made a specific promise that you are now breaking. that promise was to your step-daughter, and i assume it did not come with any of the conditions you are stating her. she kept up her end of the bargain. that promise was not contingent on the status of your relationship with her mom. so, yeah, if you are an honorable man, you will keep the promise.	info. i am a bit confused by your precursor of marriage first, as marriages can also end and you would still fall out of contact with them.	yta. your stepdaughter fulfilled her end of the bargain. (if you’re calling her your stepdaughter, she’s not really a stranger, is she?) it’s time for you to fulfill your end of the bargain. all you’re doing now is destroying any relationship you may have with her.	nta. completely sound thinking. what’s her excuse for not getting married? don’t have a party, sign the papers, dont need to let anyone know, don’t even need to wear a ring. if she doesn’t want to get married and still constantly nagging about getting a house for the daughter i’d be concerned. under your name will be fine, but see what they intend to do with it and check legal loopholes that they can’t later dispute like since they lived there and did the renovations and paid the bills they have rights to the house etc etc...	yta for having made a promise like that in the 1st place when you never intended to keep it. if you had made the promise conditional, that would be fine. but you did not. you made a promise to a 15 year old girl and never told her that you are changing it in the subsequent 6 years. that said i think the compromise you came up with is fair. maybe do her one better and guarantee her in writing at least, say, 5 years free rent and the ability to buy the house from you at the original purchase price if you and her mother ever break up. assuming you don't break up immediately, this will give her the same step up that you gave your sons and she should be able to easily afford a mortgage	YTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NAH	YTA	INFO	YTA	NTA	YTA	0.866025	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 48m, girlfriend is 44f, her daughter is 21f, my sons are 23m and 25m but they're mostly irrelevant to this post. i've been dating girlfriend for six years. years ago i bought both of my sons homes. i told them both the same budget, go find a house you like and let me see it, and i'll buy it for you. it was college graduation gifts sort of. i promised the same to my stepdaughter: graduate college, get a home wherever you want with a $200,000 budget. i firmly believe you can't get far in life with the current apartment rental rates, so this takes a major load off of shoulders. well, she graduated this past april and my girlfriend is bugging me to get the ball into motion on getting her a house. the thing is that when i made that promise years ago, i assumed we'd be married by now. i want to get married, but she doesn't want to. i told her i don't feel comfortable buying a house for someone "not officially in the family" if that makes sense. now the promise is if we get married, she can have a house, but i did make a compromise i could buy her a house but it remains in my name. my fear is i buy a house for someone, my girlfriend and i don't work out and split, then i've basically bought a house for a stranger. am i being an asshole here? if it makes a difference, my girlfriend is a sahm, stepdaughter lives with us. stepdaughter works in a hospital right now but it's relatively far (city over, 40\~min drive). i'm retired but have large savings, so i'm the only one with the money to make it happen.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm 48m, girlfriend is 44f, her daughter is 21f, my sons are 23m and 25m but they're mostly irrelevant to this post. i've been dating girlfriend for six years. years ago i bought both of my sons homes. i told them both the same budget, go find a house you like and let me see it, and i'll buy it for you. it was college graduation gifts sort of. i promised the same to my stepdaughter: graduate college, get a home wherever you want with a $200,000 budget. i firmly believe you can't get far in life with the current apartment rental rates, so this takes a major load off of shoulders. well, she graduated this past april and my girlfriend is bugging me to get the ball into motion on getting her a house. the thing is that when i made that promise years ago, i assumed we'd be married by now. i want to get married, but she doesn't want to. i told her i don't feel comfortable buying a house for someone "not officially in the family" if that makes sense. now the promise is if we get married, she can have a house, but i did make a compromise i could buy her a house but it remains in my name. my fear is i buy a house for someone, my girlfriend and i don't work out and split, then i've basically bought a house for a stranger. am i being an asshole here? if it makes a difference, my girlfriend is a sahm, stepdaughter lives with us. stepdaughter works in a hospital right now but it's relatively far (city over, 40\~min drive). i'm retired but have large savings, so i'm the only one with the money to make it happen. [/INST] yta - in the general sense that you are reneging on a promise but that said, as an outsider, i wouldn't blame you for not buying her the house. </s>
WIBTA if I ask my little sister to stop wearing crop tops around our dad?	before quarantine, i (30s/m) was renting an apartment with my little sister who’s in currently in college. our mom asked us to move back home for now, so we did. since it’s summer, she likes wearing shorts and crop tops because it’s so hot. i don’t mind, of course, but i’ve noticed that my dad has been staring at her. i don’t think my sister or my mom have noticed. this is the first time my dad has seen her dress like this; she used to dress a bit more conservatively when she was younger. i don’t know if he’s looking at her in a perverted way, but he does have a history of liking young women (and even having affairs with them. why my mom hasn’t left him is beyond me). i kind of want to ask her to maybe wear a tshirt instead, since i don’t like the way my dad looks at her. but i also know that it isn’t her fault that he’s being a huge perv. i’m not sure what to do. wibta if i ask my little sister to not wear crop tops?	4,521	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hpuf6c/wibta_if_i_ask_my_little_sister_to_stop_wearing/	2020-07-12 13:30:39	yta. you have a dad problem, not a sister problem.	info: why aren't you addressing this with your dad?	ywbta- dont pin the responsibility on your sister. it’s not her fault, it’s not her problem. talk to your dad instead. your sister should not have to change her clothes to deter her own father.	ywbta. >i also know that it isn’t her fault that he’s being a huge perv. then don't talk to her and shame her for what she is wearing. your dad is the one at fault for perving especially on his own daughter. he is the issue at hand the needs to be dealt with.	yta. she can wear whatever the hell she wants. the creep is obviously your father. talk to him and call him out for his creepy attitude. it is it just easier to talk to your sister and ignore your father’s behavior? tell your mother as well.	why should your sister be in charge of controlling your father's inappropriate impulses? if your dad has an issue it's his issue, not hers. and also not yours. myob. btw, if your dad is "a perv" it doesn't matter what your sister wears, he's still going to be that way. esh except the sister.	yta. why aren't you telling your dad to stop staring at his daughter like that?	[deleted]	i'm not 100% sure on my ruling, to be honest. you need to speak to your father about it, but also notify your sister about what you have seen. not in shaming her and trying her to wear something different, but so she can now pay a little extra attention to her father and what he is doing. if she is aware of what is happening, then that diminishes the chances of something bad happening. she probably isn't aware that her father is watching her in such a way, at least with her knowledge, she can watch him and make sure it doesn't get taken too far. you also need to confront your father. sometimes the people who are the closest to you, tend to be the worst people, yet you will never see it due to being that close. you need to let him know that you saw what he has been doing, that the sister knows and that it is unacceptable. if you nip it in the bud quickly, letting him know that he is being watched by multiple parties, then the chances of it getting too far out of hand decreases. i also suggest, for the time being, talking to your sister about putting a lock on her door or even a motion sensor camera, just in case. i'm saying this as a concerned adult who was sexually abused different times by their father as a child 10 and under as well as being sexually assaulted by an ex (who admitted to his sister as well) which the assaults led to a child. you learn mind games with people like this. that's all it is when you need to protect each other. let him know that you are always watching him and so is your sister, make him realize he won't be able to get away with anything which will force him to back down. you never know the true intentions of others, so be prepared.	yta (but only softly) - i understand you’re only looking out for your sister, but as a female, the most frustrating thing is being made to feel like the problem (unintentionally in your case, it sounds like you’re just a nice guy looking out for his sister) when the problem is a man. is there any way you could move back to your apartment? if not, considering confronting your dad or talking to your mum.	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	null	null	YTA	0.012234	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before quarantine, i (30s/m) was renting an apartment with my little sister who’s in currently in college. our mom asked us to move back home for now, so we did. since it’s summer, she likes wearing shorts and crop tops because it’s so hot. i don’t mind, of course, but i’ve noticed that my dad has been staring at her. i don’t think my sister or my mom have noticed. this is the first time my dad has seen her dress like this; she used to dress a bit more conservatively when she was younger. i don’t know if he’s looking at her in a perverted way, but he does have a history of liking young women (and even having affairs with them. why my mom hasn’t left him is beyond me). i kind of want to ask her to maybe wear a tshirt instead, since i don’t like the way my dad looks at her. but i also know that it isn’t her fault that he’s being a huge perv. i’m not sure what to do. wibta if i ask my little sister to not wear crop tops?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> before quarantine, i (30s/m) was renting an apartment with my little sister who’s in currently in college. our mom asked us to move back home for now, so we did. since it’s summer, she likes wearing shorts and crop tops because it’s so hot. i don’t mind, of course, but i’ve noticed that my dad has been staring at her. i don’t think my sister or my mom have noticed. this is the first time my dad has seen her dress like this; she used to dress a bit more conservatively when she was younger. i don’t know if he’s looking at her in a perverted way, but he does have a history of liking young women (and even having affairs with them. why my mom hasn’t left him is beyond me). i kind of want to ask her to maybe wear a tshirt instead, since i don’t like the way my dad looks at her. but i also know that it isn’t her fault that he’s being a huge perv. i’m not sure what to do. wibta if i ask my little sister to not wear crop tops? [/INST] yta. you have a dad problem, not a sister problem. </s>
AITA for Laughing and Pointing Out the True Meaning of My Friend's Asian Character Tattoo? He Is Very Upset.	my friend jason (white and doesn't know japanese) just got a new tattoo. he's been looking forward to his first ever ink for a while, and did a lot of research on the price, style, and local artists. he kept the design a surprise from everyone because he didn't want any negative input before he got it on his body, permanently. i mean, maybe that was a huge misstep? just saying. fast-forward to a few days ago, he went in for the session and told me that i'd love it (i'm asian and fluent in japanese). i thought maybe he was going to get a tattoo of a manga character or something. he sent me a picture of his tattoo when he was done and captioned it with the question: "無料 do you know what it means?" i honestly thought it was a joke at first and replied "haha you got me, that's a good one!" he called me right away and asked me in a panicked voice what i had meant. i told him the characters meant free, as in a free food sample. he started to cry on the phone and said it's already been a fucking hard year and i just made it even worse for him. he thought it meant freedom. he hung up the phone and hasn't answered my texts or phone calls since. well freedom 自由 isn't even remotely close to what he got. and what's up with these stupid tattoos anyway? just why? can someone explain to me please? thank you. so aita in this situation?	19,350	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kksetf/aita_for_laughing_and_pointing_out_the_true/	2020-12-26 23:27:39	nta. it's the number one rule of getting a language you don't speak tattooed on your body that you get a native speaker to check it. it's his own fault for not researching it properly.	nah. he asked and you answered. of course he’s upset, but that’s not your fault. he can fix it. he can get one right next to it with the japanese character for “dumb.” then it will say freedom and he will be all set!	nta >did a lot of research that he did not	nta. if you ask google translate freedom from english to japanese it gives you 自由. i mean, i wouldn't trust google translate before getting something on my body permanently but still, i'd check if whatever i was told matched on there at the very least! especially as he supposedly did a lot of research before getting it.	nah. you weren't malicious in assuming it was a joke. i can understand why he'd be upset at making that mistake after a shitty year. i'd text him and apologize for laughing, say that you're sorry he's had such a bad year. not your fault he accidentally got a bad tattoo. and honestly, it's better that he heard it from you than from a stranger at a really bad time.	nta. don’t get a tattoo in a foreign language if you don’t want a native speaker to tell you what it actually means.especially if one of your friends speaks that language and is capable of negating the issue! play stupid games win stupid prizes.	nta. sorry, jason, but either own your free ass or use a dictionary next time.	nah your friend is right... it's not his year. he should however have made use of the access to someone fluent in japanese. i think he xan remedy it with a coverup...after he calms down again. don't push him, he tried something and made a mistake, it happens	nta. how hard is it to enter "freedom" into google translate? or sonenother translation program. maybe follow it up with a couple of anonymous posts on i dont know maybe reddit? he didnt think it through not your fault. he can always get it removed or done over at some point. dont have any tattoos myself but i honestly came close to getting a purposeful bad asian character one once as a joke. i literally was going to get something like "#3 pork fried rice" just so i can pretend to be shocked and dismayed every time it got called out on it. buddy of mine at the time was 1/2 korean and looked it. he was going to get a matching bad celtic one as well. then we sobered up.	important linguistics lesson: just because two meanings (in this cast “costing no money” and “being unconstrained”) are expressed by the same word in one language does not mean they are both expressed by the same word in another language. he’s lucky there isn’t a well-known (to fluent speakers) but nsfw meaning to the word. nta. i laughed when i saw those kanji, too.	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	0.005155	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend jason (white and doesn't know japanese) just got a new tattoo. he's been looking forward to his first ever ink for a while, and did a lot of research on the price, style, and local artists. he kept the design a surprise from everyone because he didn't want any negative input before he got it on his body, permanently. i mean, maybe that was a huge misstep? just saying. fast-forward to a few days ago, he went in for the session and told me that i'd love it (i'm asian and fluent in japanese). i thought maybe he was going to get a tattoo of a manga character or something. he sent me a picture of his tattoo when he was done and captioned it with the question: "無料 do you know what it means?" i honestly thought it was a joke at first and replied "haha you got me, that's a good one!" he called me right away and asked me in a panicked voice what i had meant. i told him the characters meant free, as in a free food sample. he started to cry on the phone and said it's already been a fucking hard year and i just made it even worse for him. he thought it meant freedom. he hung up the phone and hasn't answered my texts or phone calls since. well freedom 自由 isn't even remotely close to what he got. and what's up with these stupid tattoos anyway? just why? can someone explain to me please? thank you. so aita in this situation?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my friend jason (white and doesn't know japanese) just got a new tattoo. he's been looking forward to his first ever ink for a while, and did a lot of research on the price, style, and local artists. he kept the design a surprise from everyone because he didn't want any negative input before he got it on his body, permanently. i mean, maybe that was a huge misstep? just saying. fast-forward to a few days ago, he went in for the session and told me that i'd love it (i'm asian and fluent in japanese). i thought maybe he was going to get a tattoo of a manga character or something. he sent me a picture of his tattoo when he was done and captioned it with the question: "無料 do you know what it means?" i honestly thought it was a joke at first and replied "haha you got me, that's a good one!" he called me right away and asked me in a panicked voice what i had meant. i told him the characters meant free, as in a free food sample. he started to cry on the phone and said it's already been a fucking hard year and i just made it even worse for him. he thought it meant freedom. he hung up the phone and hasn't answered my texts or phone calls since. well freedom 自由 isn't even remotely close to what he got. and what's up with these stupid tattoos anyway? just why? can someone explain to me please? thank you. so aita in this situation? [/INST] nta. it's the number one rule of getting a language you don't speak tattooed on your body that you get a native speaker to check it. it's his own fault for not researching it properly. </s>
AITA For calling the cops after my halfbrother took my car while I was having dinner with family?	i 23f have always been civil with my 19m half brother. we were close as kids but he started to have an attitude at 13 and pretty much stopped being nice and started messing with my things/making fun of me and doing pranks to annoy me/privacy was gone with him coming into my room and taking my things. whenever i complained my stepmom would normalize his behavior and make excuses. my dad never really grounded him and thought that talking to him will get him to behave better. i'm currently in college i live in a rented apartment and have car to help me get to the university or other places. the car isn't expensive or fancy at all i saved up for it 2 years ago. i decided to have christmas dinner with my family- it's the perfect opportunity to be with family since i haven't seen my dad in a while. i arrived at my dad's house. and left my purse and my keys on the kitchen island after my stepmom told me to help with dinner. my half-brother started talking about my car in the kitchen while my stepmom was listening and asked if he could take it for a couple of hours to hang out with friends. i politely told him no. he threw a fit and brought up how i needed to relax and not worry but my answer was still the same. while we were sitting at the dinner table. my half-brother got up,washed his hands and i thought he went outside. i got busy talking to my dad and after i got up to wash my hands i noticed my car keys weren't there. i went outside to ask him and neither he nor my car were there i lost it i started calling his phone but he hung up on me several times. i was furious i told my dad i'd call the police if he didn't come back with the car.my stepmom jumped to defend him and said i was being unreasonable to call the police. i called him one last time then i called the police. my stepmom freaked out when my halfbrother got picked up by the police. she told me to go explain the situation to the authorities otherwise he'd spend the night in jail. but i refused especially since i still hadn't got my car back. stepmom yelled that i ruined dinner and that it was no big deal he was going to return it after "borrowing" it from me but he didn't really borrow it and she heard me say no. i don't know what she told the police. but i didn't give permission to use the car. my stepmom's side of family are mad at me for doing this to my brother and hinted that i don't consider him family. my dad's side of family sided with me saying he deserved it. my dad said i overreacted and i shouldn't have called the police when he disappeared for 4 hours.	21,892	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kl50zz/aita_for_calling_the_cops_after_my_halfbrother/	2020-12-27 15:03:10	nta he "borrowed" your car. you "borrowed" his free time for the night. fair trade	jeez... em... nta at all. how can anyone consider it an overreaction? he literally stole your car, after you told him you didn’t want him to use it. why didn’t your parent/step parent offer to let him use their car? this should be a moment to show him about responsibility and accountability, not to blame you for standing your ground. your dad is really letting you down. simply ask how he’d feel in a similar situation?	nta. he broke the law and got his karma. what would of happened if he got pulled over? what would have happened if he was speeding and caused a crash? he now has a criminal record that he earned himself. if anything it’s his parents fault for not raising him to respect you and your boundaries. there’s no talking to him so he behaves better in that situation. stand your ground on this op and if it’s such an issue for your father than make it such an issue for you. good luck.	nta why doesn’t your stepmother loan him her car if she thinks he’s entitled to one? it’s okay to have boundaries and enforce them op. him being a half brother is irrelevant. you’d do the same if a “full” brother stole your car. you chose where to draw the line- which is great because i’m sure your brother will think twice before stealing your car again.	nta he heard you say no, your stepmother heard you say no. you were clear with your no that he wasn’t going to take your car for a drive. the only course of action was to cya and call the police, he’s old enough to know better and now needs to deal with the legal consequences of his actions.	nta stealing from family is still stealing. bad decisions have consequences, something his parents have failed to teach him. maybe this will. and straight up tell your step-mother: you didn't ruin dinner, her son did. this is on him, not you.	nta he’s a grown adult who knew he wasn’t supposed to touch your car and so is his mama. you no longer have to accept her excuses and blatant favoritism. he needed to learn a lesson and now maybe he has. but also it sounds like you learned you need to just go lc with them	nta: if tell your dad he raised a thief and that he should be ashamed of himself for letting his wife and your half brother get away with this behavior. that he’s a failure of a father and a husband. that his son is likely to do something worse then this, what else is he going to “ borrow “ some girls body? with that mentality and his mother i’m surprised you didn’t press charges cause i would out of spite for the step mom. also he’s 19 and an adult. id also tell your step mom that she’s failed as a parent and her attitude show it. her sons a crook and she raised him to be one. that her failure is gonna make him end up in jail.	nta don’t drop the charges	nta. he’s been raised to be entitled and a brat. it’s embarrassing that his family protects his spoiled ass. i’d suggest distancing yourself from them. you did nothing wrong and are probably the only one who has given him any sort of consequences for his actions	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i 23f have always been civil with my 19m half brother. we were close as kids but he started to have an attitude at 13 and pretty much stopped being nice and started messing with my things/making fun of me and doing pranks to annoy me/privacy was gone with him coming into my room and taking my things. whenever i complained my stepmom would normalize his behavior and make excuses. my dad never really grounded him and thought that talking to him will get him to behave better. i'm currently in college i live in a rented apartment and have car to help me get to the university or other places. the car isn't expensive or fancy at all i saved up for it 2 years ago. i decided to have christmas dinner with my family- it's the perfect opportunity to be with family since i haven't seen my dad in a while. i arrived at my dad's house. and left my purse and my keys on the kitchen island after my stepmom told me to help with dinner. my half-brother started talking about my car in the kitchen while my stepmom was listening and asked if he could take it for a couple of hours to hang out with friends. i politely told him no. he threw a fit and brought up how i needed to relax and not worry but my answer was still the same. while we were sitting at the dinner table. my half-brother got up,washed his hands and i thought he went outside. i got busy talking to my dad and after i got up to wash my hands i noticed my car keys weren't there. i went outside to ask him and neither he nor my car were there i lost it i started calling his phone but he hung up on me several times. i was furious i told my dad i'd call the police if he didn't come back with the car.my stepmom jumped to defend him and said i was being unreasonable to call the police. i called him one last time then i called the police. my stepmom freaked out when my halfbrother got picked up by the police. she told me to go explain the situation to the authorities otherwise he'd spend the night in jail. but i refused especially since i still hadn't got my car back. stepmom yelled that i ruined dinner and that it was no big deal he was going to return it after "borrowing" it from me but he didn't really borrow it and she heard me say no. i don't know what she told the police. but i didn't give permission to use the car. my stepmom's side of family are mad at me for doing this to my brother and hinted that i don't consider him family. my dad's side of family sided with me saying he deserved it. my dad said i overreacted and i shouldn't have called the police when he disappeared for 4 hours.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i 23f have always been civil with my 19m half brother. we were close as kids but he started to have an attitude at 13 and pretty much stopped being nice and started messing with my things/making fun of me and doing pranks to annoy me/privacy was gone with him coming into my room and taking my things. whenever i complained my stepmom would normalize his behavior and make excuses. my dad never really grounded him and thought that talking to him will get him to behave better. i'm currently in college i live in a rented apartment and have car to help me get to the university or other places. the car isn't expensive or fancy at all i saved up for it 2 years ago. i decided to have christmas dinner with my family- it's the perfect opportunity to be with family since i haven't seen my dad in a while. i arrived at my dad's house. and left my purse and my keys on the kitchen island after my stepmom told me to help with dinner. my half-brother started talking about my car in the kitchen while my stepmom was listening and asked if he could take it for a couple of hours to hang out with friends. i politely told him no. he threw a fit and brought up how i needed to relax and not worry but my answer was still the same. while we were sitting at the dinner table. my half-brother got up,washed his hands and i thought he went outside. i got busy talking to my dad and after i got up to wash my hands i noticed my car keys weren't there. i went outside to ask him and neither he nor my car were there i lost it i started calling his phone but he hung up on me several times. i was furious i told my dad i'd call the police if he didn't come back with the car.my stepmom jumped to defend him and said i was being unreasonable to call the police. i called him one last time then i called the police. my stepmom freaked out when my halfbrother got picked up by the police. she told me to go explain the situation to the authorities otherwise he'd spend the night in jail. but i refused especially since i still hadn't got my car back. stepmom yelled that i ruined dinner and that it was no big deal he was going to return it after "borrowing" it from me but he didn't really borrow it and she heard me say no. i don't know what she told the police. but i didn't give permission to use the car. my stepmom's side of family are mad at me for doing this to my brother and hinted that i don't consider him family. my dad's side of family sided with me saying he deserved it. my dad said i overreacted and i shouldn't have called the police when he disappeared for 4 hours. [/INST] nta he "borrowed" your car. you "borrowed" his free time for the night. fair trade </s>
AITA for telling my sister I will no longer give her my breast milk?	i (28f) had a stillbirth 5 weeks ago. my sister gave birth to a healthy baby boy 4 weeks ago. after my stillbirth, i was producing milk and pumping, and my sister couldn't breastfeed after her son was born. formula shortage was awful and i was literally throwing my milk away, so i offered it to my sister and she gladly accepted. i was advised by the doctors to pump for 3 weeks after the stillbirth to prevent problems for me, and then stop, otherwise i'd just keep producing milk. due to the formula shortage, i have been pumping for 5 weeks now, to give the milk to my sister. now that there is more formula in stock and she has been able go buy it, i told her i'll stop pumping. she told me her son has stomach problems after the formula and asked me to keep pumping. i told her i emotionally cannot handle it any longer. she said i am being selfish and she already has to feed her son by bottle (because she at first suggested i'd just nurse him for his daily feedings at least - we live next door, and i refused). i told her i'm sorry and i can pump for a few more days so she can put some in the freezer and have some back up until she finds a better formula for her son, but she said breast milk is healthiest and i should just help her out. she called me a selfish ah and said that i am the embodient of 'misery loves company'. my mother feels i should help my own sister out. my husband said my sister is way out of line. i feel really awful because i could still help her out and i know she needs it.	21,544	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vhpwm1/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_will_no_longer_give/	2022-06-21 22:50:33	nta - your husband is right. you shouldn't be bullied into continuing your milk production and then pumping when this is time for you to grieve. you were kind enough to continue for 2 additional weeks, she needs to be grateful and move on.	nta your husband is right. i'm sorry for your loss.	nta. sister is way out of line, this is for your own health and even if it wasn’t you are not her personal milk machine.	nta, not in the least. she is being awful, your husband is right. she is cruel. i am also sorry your doctor gave you bad advice. all this pumping has started establishing a supply and now you will have to contend with other issues. do not quit cold turkey. drop one pump a day and pump only to the point of your breasts getting soft. a lactation consultant should be helping you. be aware: the sudden stopping of lactating (even if it takes a couple weeks) can trigger a strong hormonal response. your grief will intensify and you are at risk of developing ppa/ppp/ppd. absolutely be candid with your support group, husband, and doctor. while you can explain your feelings are due to loss and hormones that does not mean your body didn’t throw you into a darker place and you might need medication. do not feel bad protecting yourself. you need and deserve that extra care. you are not her literal cow.	nta. first of all, i'm so sorry for your loss. your sister is being incredibly inconsiderate even asking that of you. you were very generous to help her as long as you did. right now, you have to do whatever is best for your mental health.	nta. i’m so sorry that you’re going through this. i can’t imagine how awful it must be. i think you ready went above and beyond to help your sister and for her and your mother to expect you to keep putting yourself through that when you’ve expressed that it’s too traumatic for you shows a deep lack of empathy. it’s not “misery loves company” at all, it’s “self care” and i think perhaps the best thing to do would be to have a little bit of distance from your mother and sister for a while and just focus on being kind to yourself and moving through your grief with your husband in whatever way you need to.	pumping is awful. i would pump for hours trying to produce milk that never came and i cried and cried over it. i cannot even imagine what is been like for you. that must be absolute hell. your sister is a selfish entitled ah. you, sweetie, are not. i'm so sorry for your loss, and take care of yourself.	nta - what a selfish ass of a sister. she is expecting you to sacrifice for her and her child. i was appalled when i read she asked you to nurse her child. i’m sorry for your loss. your decisions for your body are not about her or her child.	nta. if she insists on breastmilk, she can go to a milk bank. you need to take care of yourself.	it is cruel of sister to expect you to continue to pump after all you have been through. nobody should be pressuring you for your milk, and their lack of empathy while you grieve is just gross. i’m so sorry for your loss. nta.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (28f) had a stillbirth 5 weeks ago. my sister gave birth to a healthy baby boy 4 weeks ago. after my stillbirth, i was producing milk and pumping, and my sister couldn't breastfeed after her son was born. formula shortage was awful and i was literally throwing my milk away, so i offered it to my sister and she gladly accepted. i was advised by the doctors to pump for 3 weeks after the stillbirth to prevent problems for me, and then stop, otherwise i'd just keep producing milk. due to the formula shortage, i have been pumping for 5 weeks now, to give the milk to my sister. now that there is more formula in stock and she has been able go buy it, i told her i'll stop pumping. she told me her son has stomach problems after the formula and asked me to keep pumping. i told her i emotionally cannot handle it any longer. she said i am being selfish and she already has to feed her son by bottle (because she at first suggested i'd just nurse him for his daily feedings at least - we live next door, and i refused). i told her i'm sorry and i can pump for a few more days so she can put some in the freezer and have some back up until she finds a better formula for her son, but she said breast milk is healthiest and i should just help her out. she called me a selfish ah and said that i am the embodient of 'misery loves company'. my mother feels i should help my own sister out. my husband said my sister is way out of line. i feel really awful because i could still help her out and i know she needs it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (28f) had a stillbirth 5 weeks ago. my sister gave birth to a healthy baby boy 4 weeks ago. after my stillbirth, i was producing milk and pumping, and my sister couldn't breastfeed after her son was born. formula shortage was awful and i was literally throwing my milk away, so i offered it to my sister and she gladly accepted. i was advised by the doctors to pump for 3 weeks after the stillbirth to prevent problems for me, and then stop, otherwise i'd just keep producing milk. due to the formula shortage, i have been pumping for 5 weeks now, to give the milk to my sister. now that there is more formula in stock and she has been able go buy it, i told her i'll stop pumping. she told me her son has stomach problems after the formula and asked me to keep pumping. i told her i emotionally cannot handle it any longer. she said i am being selfish and she already has to feed her son by bottle (because she at first suggested i'd just nurse him for his daily feedings at least - we live next door, and i refused). i told her i'm sorry and i can pump for a few more days so she can put some in the freezer and have some back up until she finds a better formula for her son, but she said breast milk is healthiest and i should just help her out. she called me a selfish ah and said that i am the embodient of 'misery loves company'. my mother feels i should help my own sister out. my husband said my sister is way out of line. i feel really awful because i could still help her out and i know she needs it. [/INST] nta - your husband is right. you shouldn't be bullied into continuing your milk production and then pumping when this is time for you to grieve. you were kind enough to continue for 2 additional weeks, she needs to be grateful and move on. </s>
AITA for leaving a fake postive pregnancy test in the bedroom to catch my husband's mom snooping?	my mil moved in with us a month ago. i began to notice my stuff in the bedroom being touched. furniture rearranged, stuff moved et cetera... i felt like i was going crazy because my husband is the only one who has access to the bedroom and he doesn't usually touch nor come near my things. i figured it must be his mom walking in and snooping on my personal things. i told my husband and he said his mom would never...i had a huge hunch but couldn't instal a cam in the bedroom to catch her in act. so, i got me one of those fake postive pregnancy tests and threw it in the bedroom's trashcan. note the trashcan was placed in the corner near the closet. literally the next day after i got to work, i got tons of calls and texts from my inlaws "congratulating" me for my "pregnancy". my husband came over to my workplace and was all worked up about it asking since when i was pregnant, and why i didn't tell him. i asked how he found out and he said his mom found the positive test in the trashcan in the bedroom. i asked if his answer just confirmed that she's been snooping in the bedroom all along. he had a "realization" moment but demanded we stick to the bigger issue, i said there was no bigger issue because the positive test was fake and this whole thing was done to expose my mil's snooping. he was not convinced. he had me take an actual test right infront of him and he was livid asking how could i lie about such thing and break his mom's heart since i know...very well that she longs for kids. i got a lot of shit because of this from him, his mom and family now calling me a liar and manipulator. aita? important info: nothing gets takes or goes missing from the bedroom. just to be clear.	30,791	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcgmon/aita_for_leaving_a_fake_postive_pregnancy_test_in/	2022-12-04 18:02:24	nta, but ordering a lock for the door and kicking mil out seems easier. if you were preg, how dare she announce it. so many red flags, one of you needs to go and it shouldn’t have to be you.	nta you told no lies. even if you were pregnant she had know right to announce it to the world . sounds like one of you girls should move out. i wonder which one your husband would prefer.	nta. you didn't lie. you set a trap. you caught a rat.	nta but it sounds like you have a husband problem as well since he was focused more on you “breaking his mom’s heart” instead of her 1) snooping in your marital bedroom, and 2) her blabbing her mouth to everyone instead of immediately going to you and your husband of course snooping is terrible and deeply disrespectful, but it’s made even worse by how she went behind your back to spread the news without any confirmation or followup. and she’s like this about a pregnancy—i imagine she just has 0 respect for anyone’s privacy or boundaries at all. yikes. i would not want to raise a family around someone like that.	if my husband ever demanded i take a pregnancy test in front of him, i would tell him only if he puts his head in the toilet while i do it.	nta throw out that whole family. he forced you to take a pregnancy test in front of him??? psycho vibes	lol, his mom is snooping through your things and he’s worried about how much you hurt his mommy’s feelings? i would kick mil out, like, today. your husband also needs therapy to help him to work on not being so co-dependent on his mother as well. nta.	[removed]	nta you didn't lie and broke no hearts. if husband doesn't understand it, send this one away, together with his snooping mom.	nta! 1. your mil is such an ah for snooping around. 2. your mama's boy husband dismissed your concerns. you could've asked her if she was going into your room, but he probably would've gotten mad at that, too. which led you to believe you had to take drastic measures in order to have proof, 'cause otherwise no one would back you up. 3. she had absolutely no right to announce your pregnancy. imagine it had been true, she didn't care about hurting your feelings by stealing the opportunity to announce something so personal. she didn't even ask you privately first to make sure your husband already knew (but of course privacy is not something she cares about, as we can see). 4. she's the one violating someone's privacy... and her feelings are hurt? she's trying to take everyone's attention away from the fact that she found out the wrong way, op. don't let her!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mil moved in with us a month ago. i began to notice my stuff in the bedroom being touched. furniture rearranged, stuff moved et cetera... i felt like i was going crazy because my husband is the only one who has access to the bedroom and he doesn't usually touch nor come near my things. i figured it must be his mom walking in and snooping on my personal things. i told my husband and he said his mom would never...i had a huge hunch but couldn't instal a cam in the bedroom to catch her in act. so, i got me one of those fake postive pregnancy tests and threw it in the bedroom's trashcan. note the trashcan was placed in the corner near the closet. literally the next day after i got to work, i got tons of calls and texts from my inlaws "congratulating" me for my "pregnancy". my husband came over to my workplace and was all worked up about it asking since when i was pregnant, and why i didn't tell him. i asked how he found out and he said his mom found the positive test in the trashcan in the bedroom. i asked if his answer just confirmed that she's been snooping in the bedroom all along. he had a "realization" moment but demanded we stick to the bigger issue, i said there was no bigger issue because the positive test was fake and this whole thing was done to expose my mil's snooping. he was not convinced. he had me take an actual test right infront of him and he was livid asking how could i lie about such thing and break his mom's heart since i know...very well that she longs for kids. i got a lot of shit because of this from him, his mom and family now calling me a liar and manipulator. aita? important info: nothing gets takes or goes missing from the bedroom. just to be clear.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my mil moved in with us a month ago. i began to notice my stuff in the bedroom being touched. furniture rearranged, stuff moved et cetera... i felt like i was going crazy because my husband is the only one who has access to the bedroom and he doesn't usually touch nor come near my things. i figured it must be his mom walking in and snooping on my personal things. i told my husband and he said his mom would never...i had a huge hunch but couldn't instal a cam in the bedroom to catch her in act. so, i got me one of those fake postive pregnancy tests and threw it in the bedroom's trashcan. note the trashcan was placed in the corner near the closet. literally the next day after i got to work, i got tons of calls and texts from my inlaws "congratulating" me for my "pregnancy". my husband came over to my workplace and was all worked up about it asking since when i was pregnant, and why i didn't tell him. i asked how he found out and he said his mom found the positive test in the trashcan in the bedroom. i asked if his answer just confirmed that she's been snooping in the bedroom all along. he had a "realization" moment but demanded we stick to the bigger issue, i said there was no bigger issue because the positive test was fake and this whole thing was done to expose my mil's snooping. he was not convinced. he had me take an actual test right infront of him and he was livid asking how could i lie about such thing and break his mom's heart since i know...very well that she longs for kids. i got a lot of shit because of this from him, his mom and family now calling me a liar and manipulator. aita? important info: nothing gets takes or goes missing from the bedroom. just to be clear. [/INST] nta, but ordering a lock for the door and kicking mil out seems easier. if you were preg, how dare she announce it. so many red flags, one of you needs to go and it shouldn’t have to be you. </s>
AITA for accidentally tipping a waitress who was flirting with me almost 70%? My fiancé (who was present) refuses to believe it was an accident.	using a throwaway since fiance and i are several of the same subs. this is a scenario where i know i fucked up in so many ways but was i the asshole? last night was me and fiance's 4 year anniversary of her asking me out. we have a great relationship, wedding planned for december and i really do love her. we went to a semi upscale but casual italian place that she loves. served seemed friendly but after her fried few trips to the table my fiancé said "babe she's flirting with you." i was like no way (i'm not one of those guys who gets flirted with) but i started paying attention and sure enough she was defintely being super polite to me and sort of under handed and dismissive to my fiancé. i tried to tell my fiancé i saw it now but let's not let it ruin our dinner. it just got worse as the server was making far too many trips to our table and as the bill and card was being returned the server did this pouty look and told me "i didn't get so many likes on my last instagram post will you check it out?" and she shoved her phone oh my face and it was her in bikini. my fiancé finally exploded and told the server how she'd been rude and dismissive all night and she wanted to see the manager. the server was pretty rude in her tone and said "how about i get you a piece tiramisu on me?" my fiancé said "that's fucking it, we're leaving!" and stormed out of the restaurant. i was so stunned i had no idea what to do because i didn't want to leave her outside by herself and i assumed we weren't dining and dashing so i grabbed the bill, hurriedly filled in a tip amount that made sense, copied it over to my version of the check and left. we drove home and my fiancé was on fire, she was so mad i was totally agreeing with her and saying that the server had crossed so many lines and we'd never go back. at a light she said the server probably wrote her number on the check and she wanted to see it. i fished it out of my wallet and then she really freaked out. she said i tipped her $50! i was like no, i did $20 or somthing because i was in a hurry to catch up with her and didn't do exact math. she was like "no you fucking asshole you tipped her $50!" i asked her to show me the check and sure enough $50 on a $76 tab. i even totaled it to $126. i was ao sure to copy the numbers over exactly from the server copy of the bill i'm so afraid this right. well fiancé is even more furious now because she thinks this is solid proof i enjoyed the flirting and is questing what went on in the restaurant after she left. i tried to explain i was nervous and in a rush and i literally didn't see the sever again. she doesn't believe any of it. we were supposed to have a romantic night at our new house but she wanted to go back to her apartment and didn't even say goodbye as she slammed the door to my truck and i think she has my number blocked. was i the asshole here?	4,083	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ciwb1q/aita_for_accidentally_tipping_a_waitress_who_was/	2019-07-28 14:16:13	yta, massively. that server was way out of line doing that, and honestly you're an asshole for not supporting your fiancée. why would you even tip the server? doesn't matter how much you tipped even. you made your fiancée feel like she was the dramatic one, when you should have realised her discomfort at the server acting like this. you let it happen.	yta. i don't believe it was an accident.	yta. you basically just showed that someone can treat her badly and you will accept it. you shouldn't have tipped, and told the waitress off immediately she's out of bounds and to be professional.	so you accidentally wrote 50 on the server copy, and then accidentally wrote it again on yours, and neither time noticed it was adding up to $126? yta at the very least for being so careless with your money. more importantly for letting the server insult your fiancee the whole night without complaint and still trying to tip over 25% even though you clearly knew she was pissed off.	yta but not because of the tip imo (assuming it was an honest mistake). you should’ve stuck up for your fiancée! you admitted that the waitress was flirting with you all night on your anniversary and you didn’t do anything about it. you could’ve politely asked the waitress to give you both some space because you’re trying to enjoy your anniversary. you could’ve told the waitress how inappropriate it was for her to be showing you her bikini insta pics while you’re on a date with your fiancée. you could’ve found a manager and told them how this behavior was making you and your date uncomfortable, and ask for a new waiter/waitress. if it were me, i would be way more pissed at the treatment vs. the tip. i hope you can smooth things over!	yta - i live on tips, and think not tipping is straight up shitting on your server, and i think it's fair to say everybody i work with would have outright stiffed any server that did this, and if i had done this in a flustered accident, i would have immediately called the restaurant, complained about the inappropriate behavior, asked them to adjust the tip to 0. fuck, dude. you rewarded a woman who shit on your relationship in plain view of you and your partner. gl with that wedding.	yta in like a week we are gonna get a "aita for banging a server i met on an anniversary date with my fiance?" "now hold up, i know the title already makes me sound like i'm ta, but i tipped her 76% and my fiance didnt take a free tiramisu"	yta... why would you want to tip someone at all who was being way out of line flirting with you to the point of your so getting upset? ugh... and did you even tell the waitress that it was not acceptable when she showed her picture to you? you mentioned she was making way too many trips to your table did you let her know its your anniversary celebration and you would like some privacy?	yta. "filled in a tip amount that made sense"? you could've tipped 0% for the server "being super polite to me and sort of under handed and dismissive to my [fiancée]".	fiancé is the male version, she's your fiancée. although maybe not for much longer because yta.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: using a throwaway since fiance and i are several of the same subs. this is a scenario where i know i fucked up in so many ways but was i the asshole? last night was me and fiance's 4 year anniversary of her asking me out. we have a great relationship, wedding planned for december and i really do love her. we went to a semi upscale but casual italian place that she loves. served seemed friendly but after her fried few trips to the table my fiancé said "babe she's flirting with you." i was like no way (i'm not one of those guys who gets flirted with) but i started paying attention and sure enough she was defintely being super polite to me and sort of under handed and dismissive to my fiancé. i tried to tell my fiancé i saw it now but let's not let it ruin our dinner. it just got worse as the server was making far too many trips to our table and as the bill and card was being returned the server did this pouty look and told me "i didn't get so many likes on my last instagram post will you check it out?" and she shoved her phone oh my face and it was her in bikini. my fiancé finally exploded and told the server how she'd been rude and dismissive all night and she wanted to see the manager. the server was pretty rude in her tone and said "how about i get you a piece tiramisu on me?" my fiancé said "that's fucking it, we're leaving!" and stormed out of the restaurant. i was so stunned i had no idea what to do because i didn't want to leave her outside by herself and i assumed we weren't dining and dashing so i grabbed the bill, hurriedly filled in a tip amount that made sense, copied it over to my version of the check and left. we drove home and my fiancé was on fire, she was so mad i was totally agreeing with her and saying that the server had crossed so many lines and we'd never go back. at a light she said the server probably wrote her number on the check and she wanted to see it. i fished it out of my wallet and then she really freaked out. she said i tipped her $50! i was like no, i did $20 or somthing because i was in a hurry to catch up with her and didn't do exact math. she was like "no you fucking asshole you tipped her $50!" i asked her to show me the check and sure enough $50 on a $76 tab. i even totaled it to $126. i was ao sure to copy the numbers over exactly from the server copy of the bill i'm so afraid this right. well fiancé is even more furious now because she thinks this is solid proof i enjoyed the flirting and is questing what went on in the restaurant after she left. i tried to explain i was nervous and in a rush and i literally didn't see the sever again. she doesn't believe any of it. we were supposed to have a romantic night at our new house but she wanted to go back to her apartment and didn't even say goodbye as she slammed the door to my truck and i think she has my number blocked. was i the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> using a throwaway since fiance and i are several of the same subs. this is a scenario where i know i fucked up in so many ways but was i the asshole? last night was me and fiance's 4 year anniversary of her asking me out. we have a great relationship, wedding planned for december and i really do love her. we went to a semi upscale but casual italian place that she loves. served seemed friendly but after her fried few trips to the table my fiancé said "babe she's flirting with you." i was like no way (i'm not one of those guys who gets flirted with) but i started paying attention and sure enough she was defintely being super polite to me and sort of under handed and dismissive to my fiancé. i tried to tell my fiancé i saw it now but let's not let it ruin our dinner. it just got worse as the server was making far too many trips to our table and as the bill and card was being returned the server did this pouty look and told me "i didn't get so many likes on my last instagram post will you check it out?" and she shoved her phone oh my face and it was her in bikini. my fiancé finally exploded and told the server how she'd been rude and dismissive all night and she wanted to see the manager. the server was pretty rude in her tone and said "how about i get you a piece tiramisu on me?" my fiancé said "that's fucking it, we're leaving!" and stormed out of the restaurant. i was so stunned i had no idea what to do because i didn't want to leave her outside by herself and i assumed we weren't dining and dashing so i grabbed the bill, hurriedly filled in a tip amount that made sense, copied it over to my version of the check and left. we drove home and my fiancé was on fire, she was so mad i was totally agreeing with her and saying that the server had crossed so many lines and we'd never go back. at a light she said the server probably wrote her number on the check and she wanted to see it. i fished it out of my wallet and then she really freaked out. she said i tipped her $50! i was like no, i did $20 or somthing because i was in a hurry to catch up with her and didn't do exact math. she was like "no you fucking asshole you tipped her $50!" i asked her to show me the check and sure enough $50 on a $76 tab. i even totaled it to $126. i was ao sure to copy the numbers over exactly from the server copy of the bill i'm so afraid this right. well fiancé is even more furious now because she thinks this is solid proof i enjoyed the flirting and is questing what went on in the restaurant after she left. i tried to explain i was nervous and in a rush and i literally didn't see the sever again. she doesn't believe any of it. we were supposed to have a romantic night at our new house but she wanted to go back to her apartment and didn't even say goodbye as she slammed the door to my truck and i think she has my number blocked. was i the asshole here? [/INST] yta, massively. that server was way out of line doing that, and honestly you're an asshole for not supporting your fiancée. why would you even tip the server? doesn't matter how much you tipped even. you made your fiancée feel like she was the dramatic one, when you should have realised her discomfort at the server acting like this. you let it happen. </s>
AITA for refusing to make my husband apologize for what he said to my mom at dinner table?	so, i f31 recently got married to my husband scott m36. before i met him i was engaged to my former fiance martin, but we broke it off because this relationship was sort of pushed by my family because he's a doctor and comes from a wealthy family. when our relationship ended mom was devastated. she did her best to bring us back together, for example she lied to martin about me being pregnant to save "us". that was years ago now we're all on good terms including martin. mom has a bit of tension towards scott, she treats him well but constantly makes passive, nagging comments about him. she compares him to martin all the time which bothers both of us but we try to let it slide. mom kept telling scott about the diamond ring, new car, and bank account martin got for his fiancee and kept sending him photos saying how generous martin is to his fiancee than compared him to scott and what he had done for me. i told her stop doing this and she apologized. last week, we were over at my parents house for a social gathering, lot of relatives came and we had dinner. at dinner table mom asked scott if he saw the text she sent him the other day, he said he was sorry and that he didn't notice. she told him to check it right then and read it out loud so everyone at the table could hear. he took his phone and started reading the text out loud. her text mentioned how martin got his fiancee a new house and how generous he was, then said that martin is younger than scott, yet was able to buy a house. basically shaming scott for his inability to buy a house. she wrapped up by saying that martin maybe wasn't so bad for me afterall. i was shocked and scott was pissed obviously, however, he didn't lash out or anything he looked at the text, smiled and said "you know, what gets me about this entire text is how you were a public educator for 30 years, yet you can't differentiate between the passive "you" and the contraction "you're", good god! the thought of all the children that must've been left behind!". everyone at the table busted into laughter and mom's face went pale. she decided to leave the table then she and my sister started yelling at me saying scott was being awfully rude and i need to get him to apologize immediately forembarrassing mom at the table. i refused to tell him to apologize then pointed out how she was being judgemental towards him, she defended herself saying she was just letting him know and he had no confidence and took it personally. i left but kept getting told to talk to him and get him to apologize for what he did.	21,257	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tx7nhc/aita_for_refusing_to_make_my_husband_apologize/	2022-04-05 23:00:44	yta. why are you letting your mom treat your husband this way? yes, your husband handled it like a champ, but grow a freaking spine and tell your mom in no uncertain terms to cut that shit out.	why? i have to say, yta for brushing your mom's behavior to the side, stop being around that type of nastiness, if i were your husband, i would have put my foot down, no more of your mom's visits, if she comes over, and no more visiting, if you want to go, go alone...you obviously ha ent done enough to put your mom in her place, if the tables were turned, you would want to be defended against your inlaws	yta for not standing up for scott more. from your post, he can fight his battles just fine, but your sister and your mother needs to know that their actions are not okay. scott sounds like a keeper. maybe choose him over your busybody mom.	yta for even thinking scott might need to apologize to your mom yta for not shutting your mom down a long time ago your mom is a total raging ah who needs to be the one apologizing for her appalling behavior your sister is an ah for siding with your bullying mom scott is a gem and nta. he's brilliant!	[removed]	>she treats him well but constantly makes passive, nagging comments about him. you realize that these two statements directly contradict each other right? also i dont think you're both trying to let it slide. i think you're a coward who should have actually stood up for your fiance years ago but haven't so here we are...	omg i love scott!! please tell me this really happened! oh, and you are nta	yta for continually allowing your husband to be bullied and harassed by your mother. if my mom sent something like that to my so, i'd tell her to fuck off myself. this is so cruel and disrespectful. "mom, i've told you to stop but you refuse so we won't be coming to family events or speaking with you until you sincerely - and i mean sincerely- apologize to husband. if you can't or won't, then that is your decision, but i won't allow your reign of bullying and harassment continue. let me know what you decide. good bye."	nta. >she decided to leave the table then she and my sister started yelling at me saying scott was being awfully rude and i need to get him to apologize immediately forembarrassing mom at the table. what about your mom embarrassing scott at the table? is she going to apologize for that?	nta. your mother is a nasty person and deserved much worse. scott is a saint. since your mother refuses to be nice to him, it’s probably time to stop visiting. or first you could try to enforce a no-martin rule. every time she brings up martin or even hints at a martin comparison — you and your husband silently stand up and leave immediately.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	null	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	0.544638	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, i f31 recently got married to my husband scott m36. before i met him i was engaged to my former fiance martin, but we broke it off because this relationship was sort of pushed by my family because he's a doctor and comes from a wealthy family. when our relationship ended mom was devastated. she did her best to bring us back together, for example she lied to martin about me being pregnant to save "us". that was years ago now we're all on good terms including martin. mom has a bit of tension towards scott, she treats him well but constantly makes passive, nagging comments about him. she compares him to martin all the time which bothers both of us but we try to let it slide. mom kept telling scott about the diamond ring, new car, and bank account martin got for his fiancee and kept sending him photos saying how generous martin is to his fiancee than compared him to scott and what he had done for me. i told her stop doing this and she apologized. last week, we were over at my parents house for a social gathering, lot of relatives came and we had dinner. at dinner table mom asked scott if he saw the text she sent him the other day, he said he was sorry and that he didn't notice. she told him to check it right then and read it out loud so everyone at the table could hear. he took his phone and started reading the text out loud. her text mentioned how martin got his fiancee a new house and how generous he was, then said that martin is younger than scott, yet was able to buy a house. basically shaming scott for his inability to buy a house. she wrapped up by saying that martin maybe wasn't so bad for me afterall. i was shocked and scott was pissed obviously, however, he didn't lash out or anything he looked at the text, smiled and said "you know, what gets me about this entire text is how you were a public educator for 30 years, yet you can't differentiate between the passive "you" and the contraction "you're", good god! the thought of all the children that must've been left behind!". everyone at the table busted into laughter and mom's face went pale. she decided to leave the table then she and my sister started yelling at me saying scott was being awfully rude and i need to get him to apologize immediately forembarrassing mom at the table. i refused to tell him to apologize then pointed out how she was being judgemental towards him, she defended herself saying she was just letting him know and he had no confidence and took it personally. i left but kept getting told to talk to him and get him to apologize for what he did.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so, i f31 recently got married to my husband scott m36. before i met him i was engaged to my former fiance martin, but we broke it off because this relationship was sort of pushed by my family because he's a doctor and comes from a wealthy family. when our relationship ended mom was devastated. she did her best to bring us back together, for example she lied to martin about me being pregnant to save "us". that was years ago now we're all on good terms including martin. mom has a bit of tension towards scott, she treats him well but constantly makes passive, nagging comments about him. she compares him to martin all the time which bothers both of us but we try to let it slide. mom kept telling scott about the diamond ring, new car, and bank account martin got for his fiancee and kept sending him photos saying how generous martin is to his fiancee than compared him to scott and what he had done for me. i told her stop doing this and she apologized. last week, we were over at my parents house for a social gathering, lot of relatives came and we had dinner. at dinner table mom asked scott if he saw the text she sent him the other day, he said he was sorry and that he didn't notice. she told him to check it right then and read it out loud so everyone at the table could hear. he took his phone and started reading the text out loud. her text mentioned how martin got his fiancee a new house and how generous he was, then said that martin is younger than scott, yet was able to buy a house. basically shaming scott for his inability to buy a house. she wrapped up by saying that martin maybe wasn't so bad for me afterall. i was shocked and scott was pissed obviously, however, he didn't lash out or anything he looked at the text, smiled and said "you know, what gets me about this entire text is how you were a public educator for 30 years, yet you can't differentiate between the passive "you" and the contraction "you're", good god! the thought of all the children that must've been left behind!". everyone at the table busted into laughter and mom's face went pale. she decided to leave the table then she and my sister started yelling at me saying scott was being awfully rude and i need to get him to apologize immediately forembarrassing mom at the table. i refused to tell him to apologize then pointed out how she was being judgemental towards him, she defended herself saying she was just letting him know and he had no confidence and took it personally. i left but kept getting told to talk to him and get him to apologize for what he did. [/INST] yta. why are you letting your mom treat your husband this way? yes, your husband handled it like a champ, but grow a freaking spine and tell your mom in no uncertain terms to cut that shit out. </s>
AITA for announcing my pregnancy in front of my infertile friend (she recently found out)?	last	3,479	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pcqzrc/aita_for_announcing_my_pregnancy_in_front_of_my/	2021-08-27 16:40:10	yta. the thoughtful thing to do would have been to speak with the two of them privately ahead of time, instead of surprising them in a group setting, especially since you were well aware they were so upset about their diagnosis.	yta - just to make sure, you knew that sandra couldn’t have kids? and you still decided to announce pregnancy in front of group of friends that included her. yeah insensitive as fuck. you should have told her in private beforehand. tell her that you’re announcing it x date and you’d understand if she didn’t want to join.	so let me get this straight - you got all of your friends together and told them "yey i am pregnant", despite knowing that one of them just got the news that they would never have kids. it never crossed your mind to talk to sandra first? how selfcentered can you be? yta	soft yta. if you are as close to sam and sandra as you say you are, i think you should have realized that this may be something to share with them privately beforehand so they could either be prepared, or choose not to be there if they weren't sure of their reactions. they only found out a month ago and its pretty common knowledge that friends and family announcing pregnancies can be very difficult for people facing infertility. i also think, while its somewhat irrational, sandra may have been triggered by you immediately asking sam to be godfather. she will never get to tell him he will be a father and may have felt usurped in that moment. you didn't intend to but you did cause them pain--i think apologizing for not giving them a heads up would be a good way to reach out. if sandra continues to react with vitriol, then you've done your due diligence and can give her the space she needs to work it out.	nta/nah sandra is hurt and still grieving and you just happened to be an unfortunate target for it. a similar thing happened to some ear friends of mine. two of them got pregnant at the same time, one lost her baby minutes after he was born, the other is still happy and healthy. in her grief, the mother was angry with her friend for having a happy, healthy child when she couldn't. it's ugly, it's tragic. it's hard, and it's not fair, but you already took her into consideration and cared for her. if you want, you can say you're sorry you talked about it while she was still grieving and that you didn't talk to her in private where the news might have been less of a shock, but stand firm. you held off because of her already, you cared, and you didn't do this to hurt her.	yta -. you could have easily pre warned her before the party so she could make the decision if she wanted to be there or not. many women who deal with infertility purposely choose not to go to baby showers/gender reveals etc because it’s too hard for them. so instead of giving her the choice to make a decision, you forced her to be there and relive her infertility diagnosis.	yta for not giving her heads-up and letting her choose if she wanted to attend a freaking pregnancy party, what tf did you expect? just her sitting there while everyone gushes over you being pregnant? also the fact that you just dropped the bomb of you giving him a god"baby" at the same time. i'm really side-eyeing her husband going to comfort you while his wife is out there having a breakdown.	mild yta - you should have told them privately versus publicly. it doesn’t mean they can’t be happy for you, but their news is so raw and they could have used a heads up.	i probably would have told sandra privately instead of announcing it at a party, but i mean, you can't not be pregnant because other people aren't, the cat will be out of the bag sooner or later. nah because she is hurting and grieving, but you both could have been a little more thoughtful with each other.	nta if you had announced you were pregnant right after sandra announced she was infertile, then yeah, ywbtah. but you specifically waited so it wouldn't be insensitive. of course sandra would still be upset over it, not being able to have kids is not something you just get over, but this was a little bit much. you didn't get pregnant to "get back at her", you just really wanted kids too. how long should you have kept it from your friends? 2 months? 3 months? until it's obvious? that's not right either. you did the right thing op. i hope everything goes well with your pregnancy, and i'm glad you could shine a little bit of light on sam's life by making him the godfather. <3	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	NTA	0.257125	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> last [/INST] yta. the thoughtful thing to do would have been to speak with the two of them privately ahead of time, instead of surprising them in a group setting, especially since you were well aware they were so upset about their diagnosis. </s>
AITA for telling my wife that I find my ex more attractive than her?	obviously there’s more to this, but it’s the crux of the issue. this shit is weird, and i can’t figure out who else to talk about it to. my wife and i have been married for six months. i met her after i had gotten out of a long term relationship (four years) with my ex. ex and i stayed friends for a few months after our breakup, until i met wife. our friendship fizzled. after almost two years of being in a relationship wife and i got married. around three months after we got married, wife and i attended a party where we ran into ex. i had not seen ex in over a year, so we spent some time catching up and i introduced her to wife.wife seemed to be very taken by ex. when leaving the party she remarked how different she was from ex. wife starts following ex on social media. over the next few weeks wife starts explicitly copying ex.she starts dressing like her and starts trying to pick up some of her hobbies. for example: ex surfs and does art. wife starts trying to surf (out of nowhere) and starts painting, doing yoga etc. she is wearing similar clothes to ex. she becomes a vegetarian like ex. she keeps trying to invite ex over for dinner. i notice this weird shit, but i don’t say anything. the straw that broke the camels back was when my wife cut her hair into a “style” similar to my ex. it was at this point that i asked her what the hell was going on. i told her that i noticed that she was copying my ex and i thought that it was weird as fuck. she got very defensive and started asking me pointed questions about my ex. mainly suspecting me of being more into her. i tried to explain to her that ex broke up with me years ago and i had gotten over her. she and i are married, and this shit that she’s doing is weird. she responds “but you found this style attractive when you guys were together” and i said “it’s was actually attractive when she did it, because she’s being herself. “ she says “so you think she’s more attractive??” and i was like, you know what? yeah i do. we got into a huge fight. i ended up having to leave for the night, and am staying at a buddies house until we have time to talk. he thinks i fucked up here. and as i think about it i can’t figure out who is in the wrong. so aita here or is my wife?	4,511	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f6t4cp/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_find_my_ex_more/	2020-02-20 13:32:41	yta. way to increase you wife's insecurities by confirming them. she won't ever forget that you prefer your ex over her.	esh. your wife needs to stop acting on her insecurities and be confident in herself, but that won’t be easy if you say your ex is more attractive. it’s fine to say that being authentic is attractive to you, but you crossed a line when you said “yes” to that last question.	i so wanted to come into this saying y.t.a. but i just can't. esh. your wife is being weird, but it does make me wonder what else is going on that makes her think you admire ex so much. you may subconsciously been making statements and making her feel insecure. she's the ah for weirdly changing herself instead of just talking to you about her insecurities. you are the ah for bringing up comparison and not just showing your wife that you love her for who she is. marriage counseling stat.	esh. sounds like your wife is dealing with her insecurities in the weirdest way possible. however, never in history of relationships has telling your so that your ex is more attractive ever a good idea. even in the context of "being yourself is the most beautiful you can be."	[removed]	man, i was with you until you responded by saying she's more attractive. wtf man, yta and you should definitely apologize	yta your buddy is right. you did fuck up. big time.	yta. how is this even a question? you could have left that part out so easily and just said no. i'm shocked that someone even has to ask this	esh enjoy divorce court 🤦🏻‍♀️	yta. duh. never, ever tell your wife that the person you used to be with is better looking than her. especially when she’s feeling insecure	YTA	ESH	ESH	ESH	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	0.012269	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: obviously there’s more to this, but it’s the crux of the issue. this shit is weird, and i can’t figure out who else to talk about it to. my wife and i have been married for six months. i met her after i had gotten out of a long term relationship (four years) with my ex. ex and i stayed friends for a few months after our breakup, until i met wife. our friendship fizzled. after almost two years of being in a relationship wife and i got married. around three months after we got married, wife and i attended a party where we ran into ex. i had not seen ex in over a year, so we spent some time catching up and i introduced her to wife.wife seemed to be very taken by ex. when leaving the party she remarked how different she was from ex. wife starts following ex on social media. over the next few weeks wife starts explicitly copying ex.she starts dressing like her and starts trying to pick up some of her hobbies. for example: ex surfs and does art. wife starts trying to surf (out of nowhere) and starts painting, doing yoga etc. she is wearing similar clothes to ex. she becomes a vegetarian like ex. she keeps trying to invite ex over for dinner. i notice this weird shit, but i don’t say anything. the straw that broke the camels back was when my wife cut her hair into a “style” similar to my ex. it was at this point that i asked her what the hell was going on. i told her that i noticed that she was copying my ex and i thought that it was weird as fuck. she got very defensive and started asking me pointed questions about my ex. mainly suspecting me of being more into her. i tried to explain to her that ex broke up with me years ago and i had gotten over her. she and i are married, and this shit that she’s doing is weird. she responds “but you found this style attractive when you guys were together” and i said “it’s was actually attractive when she did it, because she’s being herself. “ she says “so you think she’s more attractive??” and i was like, you know what? yeah i do. we got into a huge fight. i ended up having to leave for the night, and am staying at a buddies house until we have time to talk. he thinks i fucked up here. and as i think about it i can’t figure out who is in the wrong. so aita here or is my wife?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> obviously there’s more to this, but it’s the crux of the issue. this shit is weird, and i can’t figure out who else to talk about it to. my wife and i have been married for six months. i met her after i had gotten out of a long term relationship (four years) with my ex. ex and i stayed friends for a few months after our breakup, until i met wife. our friendship fizzled. after almost two years of being in a relationship wife and i got married. around three months after we got married, wife and i attended a party where we ran into ex. i had not seen ex in over a year, so we spent some time catching up and i introduced her to wife.wife seemed to be very taken by ex. when leaving the party she remarked how different she was from ex. wife starts following ex on social media. over the next few weeks wife starts explicitly copying ex.she starts dressing like her and starts trying to pick up some of her hobbies. for example: ex surfs and does art. wife starts trying to surf (out of nowhere) and starts painting, doing yoga etc. she is wearing similar clothes to ex. she becomes a vegetarian like ex. she keeps trying to invite ex over for dinner. i notice this weird shit, but i don’t say anything. the straw that broke the camels back was when my wife cut her hair into a “style” similar to my ex. it was at this point that i asked her what the hell was going on. i told her that i noticed that she was copying my ex and i thought that it was weird as fuck. she got very defensive and started asking me pointed questions about my ex. mainly suspecting me of being more into her. i tried to explain to her that ex broke up with me years ago and i had gotten over her. she and i are married, and this shit that she’s doing is weird. she responds “but you found this style attractive when you guys were together” and i said “it’s was actually attractive when she did it, because she’s being herself. “ she says “so you think she’s more attractive??” and i was like, you know what? yeah i do. we got into a huge fight. i ended up having to leave for the night, and am staying at a buddies house until we have time to talk. he thinks i fucked up here. and as i think about it i can’t figure out who is in the wrong. so aita here or is my wife? [/INST] yta. way to increase you wife's insecurities by confirming them. she won't ever forget that you prefer your ex over her. </s>
AITA for not telling my fiancée about a secret room in our apartment?	i recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous. the situation is less so. i was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college. it's a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building, but i've gut-renovated it and made it really nice. one aspect of my home was created just to fulfill a childhood fantasy. a secret room! it's simple— a flush mount bookcase put in the doorway. it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closet or a very small room. i made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook, but with no windows... it never got used. ended up being more long-term storage. i never told anyone about it... because it was a secret room! i kind of figured at one point i'd tell my girlfriend, emma, but i didn't want to tell her until i had a reason to. (i had finished it shortly before meeting her.) i figured maybe one day if we had a kid, i could remove the bookcase and bam, we'd have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup. or a craft-nook for her. but i largely forgot about it, except when i needed to pull something out from back there... which is rare. fast forward to yesterday. emma, now my fiancée, has been living with me in my (now our!) apartment for eight months. during this time, i've kept the secret room... a secret. it's not like i was thinking about it all the time. i only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in, to get christmas lights, a spare coffee maker, and to put away a novelty item she probably thought i threw out. and the reason i was sneaky at those times was because again, i didn't want to waste the surprise on christmas lights! we've both been working from home lately, and we aren't really able to leave very often, due to circumstances... and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commute. (bedroom to living room.) so *of course* i excitedly pulled open our "built-in" bookshelf and showed her our room! *...and she flipped out.* she is furious at me. she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust, given that this is her home. she's acting like i cheated on her. i tried to explain i was waiting for a special moment, but... she thinks that makes it worse. i have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if i am. aita?	23,581	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g3keje/aita_for_not_telling_my_fiancée_about_a_secret/	2020-04-18 08:48:13	nta. it's a closet, not another woman.	i couldn't help but laugh. i understand the "bat cave" mentality as i am also a guy but i think it's probably came off more axe-murderer vibe. i want to say n t a, but logically, esh. it's your place, so what if you have a secret room? it's your secret room. but you should have also told her about it after being with her for so long. maybe a week after she moves in. not telling her is like you do not trust her with your secret ... which is a bad things i suppose.	esh she overreacted but this is her home and has been for 8 months and you had a secret room hidden from her. i might have voted differently if you hadn't waited so long, but seriously, this is a fucked up secret to keep and i'd be wondering what else you're keeping from me.	nah, you've done nothing wrong, but it's understandable why she might feel weirded out that a place she's called him for 8 months has secrets she doesn't know about. she might be wondering if there's anything else hidden that she doesn't know about. i'd suggest talking it over, explaining that you never meant anything malicious about and that it was just a childhood thing, she'll come round eventually.	nah a secret room is everyone's childhood fantasy so that is amazing. from her perspective it does come across as a bit weird and potentially creepy that there was these whole other room that she didn't know about. and it's not like it was just some cupboard she walked past everyday and didn't look it, it was a whole different room purposely hidden (not from her specifically but still). potentially she is worried about why you would need a secret room, what you do in there and what other secrets you have. you need to communicate with her. she probably needs some reassurance that you aren't a creep or werido and that it's just a fun little thing.	light yta. i think a secret room is awesome! however, once she moved in, she should have been in on it. i can only imagine all the times she's had in the past eight months thinking "ugh, there's no room to store this" when unpacking her belongings or looking to purchase something for the home.	yta come on man. she's been living in this apartment for 8 freakin months and you kept the secret room secret from her! that's worse than hiding the best snacks after shopping! this could have been a "wow i have an awesome partner" moment if it had happened like 7+1/2 months ago. now it's more of a "if he can lie to me about this for 8 months what else is he lying about?" or worse "what did he hide in that room for the past 8 months that i shouldn't see?"	yta. before y'all moved in together, i would say no. but once it becomes both of your homes you should share such things. you intentionally kept it a secret so you lied to her.	nah but you need to have a big talk about this because here's the thing: it's not about the room. from your pov: it's basically just a storage room, it's not like you're cheating on her. from her pov: if you have been keeping an entire room in the apartment she's living in secret from her for eight months then what the fuck else have you/could you keep secret from her? &#x200b; you're keeping secrets from someone you're marrying and intending on spending the rest of your life with. it's not like this is a crawlspace you forgot about and haven't used, you built it deliberately and have been actively using it throughout the time she's been living with you and -- on at least three occasions -- deliberately gone out of your way to be sneaky about it and keep it hidden from her. the problem is that you've just casually shown her that you're perfectly willing and capable to keep secrets from her. that's enough to make anyone paranoid at the best of times, let alone during the emotionally fraught time we're living in now. sure you might only have general storage stuff in there now, but how is she to know what used to be in there before today? you could have had drugs in there, used it to hide an affair partner when she came home early, used it to spy on her/listen to her when she thinks she's alone... all sorts of things could have been done and she would have had no idea. have a talk with her -- y'all need some open communication.	nah, but it does seem a bit sneaky, and i can see why she sees it as a betrayal of trust. the lesson here is not to keep secrets from your future wife, especially if they concern the home you're sharing.	NTA	NTA	ESH	NAH	NAH	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	NAH	0.71206	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous. the situation is less so. i was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college. it's a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building, but i've gut-renovated it and made it really nice. one aspect of my home was created just to fulfill a childhood fantasy. a secret room! it's simple— a flush mount bookcase put in the doorway. it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closet or a very small room. i made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook, but with no windows... it never got used. ended up being more long-term storage. i never told anyone about it... because it was a secret room! i kind of figured at one point i'd tell my girlfriend, emma, but i didn't want to tell her until i had a reason to. (i had finished it shortly before meeting her.) i figured maybe one day if we had a kid, i could remove the bookcase and bam, we'd have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup. or a craft-nook for her. but i largely forgot about it, except when i needed to pull something out from back there... which is rare. fast forward to yesterday. emma, now my fiancée, has been living with me in my (now our!) apartment for eight months. during this time, i've kept the secret room... a secret. it's not like i was thinking about it all the time. i only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in, to get christmas lights, a spare coffee maker, and to put away a novelty item she probably thought i threw out. and the reason i was sneaky at those times was because again, i didn't want to waste the surprise on christmas lights! we've both been working from home lately, and we aren't really able to leave very often, due to circumstances... and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commute. (bedroom to living room.) so *of course* i excitedly pulled open our "built-in" bookshelf and showed her our room! *...and she flipped out.* she is furious at me. she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust, given that this is her home. she's acting like i cheated on her. i tried to explain i was waiting for a special moment, but... she thinks that makes it worse. i have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if i am. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous. the situation is less so. i was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college. it's a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building, but i've gut-renovated it and made it really nice. one aspect of my home was created just to fulfill a childhood fantasy. a secret room! it's simple— a flush mount bookcase put in the doorway. it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closet or a very small room. i made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook, but with no windows... it never got used. ended up being more long-term storage. i never told anyone about it... because it was a secret room! i kind of figured at one point i'd tell my girlfriend, emma, but i didn't want to tell her until i had a reason to. (i had finished it shortly before meeting her.) i figured maybe one day if we had a kid, i could remove the bookcase and bam, we'd have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup. or a craft-nook for her. but i largely forgot about it, except when i needed to pull something out from back there... which is rare. fast forward to yesterday. emma, now my fiancée, has been living with me in my (now our!) apartment for eight months. during this time, i've kept the secret room... a secret. it's not like i was thinking about it all the time. i only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in, to get christmas lights, a spare coffee maker, and to put away a novelty item she probably thought i threw out. and the reason i was sneaky at those times was because again, i didn't want to waste the surprise on christmas lights! we've both been working from home lately, and we aren't really able to leave very often, due to circumstances... and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commute. (bedroom to living room.) so *of course* i excitedly pulled open our "built-in" bookshelf and showed her our room! *...and she flipped out.* she is furious at me. she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust, given that this is her home. she's acting like i cheated on her. i tried to explain i was waiting for a special moment, but... she thinks that makes it worse. i have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if i am. aita? [/INST] nta. it's a closet, not another woman. </s>
AITA for telling my boyfriend's roommate to get over himself after he told me to stop having sleepovers at the apartment?	so, i've been with my boyfriend (bf) for 4 months. he rents with a guy (roommate) "justin" who is a bit of a self rightous jerk sometimes. the problem started when i started having sleepovers with my bf in the apartment. justin looked super annoyed whenever he saw me over which is 5 days a week. he'd just keep huffing and puffing and speak to me rudely. i said nothing til yesterday when he got back and found me and started a fight with me telling me to stop having sleepovers. i asked wtf was his problem and he looked at me with and with a straight face said "if you're gonna come over here and use water, electricity and whatnot 5 days a week then you might as well start paying rent!". i responded telling him that my bf pays rent and i use what he uses then called him rude and told him to get over himself. he told me he'll get the landlord involved and my bf asked me to leave so he could figure it out with the guy. i grabbed my stuff and left feeling awful. my bf later called saying i was rude in what i said and his roommate has a point especailly since i'm using everything in the apartment from microwave, shower, charger and so his roommate felt it was unfair and my bf asked me to tune down my visits for now. we had an argument after i said he sided with his roommate over me to keep the peace and ended the call. we haven't talked since then. aita? did i go too far?.	16,127	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qy44sw/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriends_roommate_to_get/	2021-11-20 11:56:25	yta. you’re not having a sleepover, you’re living in that apartment. the dude signed up for one roommate, not two. start paying 1/3rd of the rent.	yta - staying over 5 nights a week is living there. even if you don't consider the extra costs, i would hate to have an extra person in my home that much. can he stay at your place sometimes?	yta, staying 5 days a week is taking the piss. why should he subsidise you?	yta you live there five days a week, use all the utilities often, and don’t pay anything? i can see why he’d be annoyed, you’re not contributing while essentially living there. you need to realize that he actually pays to live there and he has a right to be annoyed when utility bills go up and the person causing that increase doesn’t help pay for it.	yes yta. the roommate didn’t sign up to live with you. you are using up space and costing him money that he is paying toward and you are not. and instead of being appreciative you are acting entitled. your bf is right and you should apologise. get your own place together if you want to live together, and pay your share.	yta, wouldn't hurt to chip in if you stay over so much.	> i responded telling him that my bf pays rent and i use what he uses that’s not how it works. your boyfriend wouldn’t shower, wash hands, use electricity twice as much without you around. their costs have gone up. you’re there 70% of the nights! that’s not a sleepover, that’s living there rent-free.	you’re living there rent-free and using all of their utilities five days out of the week. the utilities have most certainly gone up since you started staying there. your boyfriend’s roommate didn’t sign a lease with you and your boyfriend, he signed it with just your boyfriend. it’s quite entitled of you to expect him to be completely fine with you staying in his home when he had no say in it and you won’t even pay money to offset the extra cost you’re creating. you basically live there now. either pay rent like an adult or stop going over there so much. yta	yta- just to clarify, how often do you sleep in your boyfriend's apartment?	yta this is not just about the cost of utilities. you are using one third of the space, breathing one third of the air! usually this question gets posted by the roommate who has suddenly got extra people practically living there. this is the first time i’ve seen it from one of the invaders, saying hey, i’m me, so i get what i want and who cares about who gets stepped on?!	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, i've been with my boyfriend (bf) for 4 months. he rents with a guy (roommate) "justin" who is a bit of a self rightous jerk sometimes. the problem started when i started having sleepovers with my bf in the apartment. justin looked super annoyed whenever he saw me over which is 5 days a week. he'd just keep huffing and puffing and speak to me rudely. i said nothing til yesterday when he got back and found me and started a fight with me telling me to stop having sleepovers. i asked wtf was his problem and he looked at me with and with a straight face said "if you're gonna come over here and use water, electricity and whatnot 5 days a week then you might as well start paying rent!". i responded telling him that my bf pays rent and i use what he uses then called him rude and told him to get over himself. he told me he'll get the landlord involved and my bf asked me to leave so he could figure it out with the guy. i grabbed my stuff and left feeling awful. my bf later called saying i was rude in what i said and his roommate has a point especailly since i'm using everything in the apartment from microwave, shower, charger and so his roommate felt it was unfair and my bf asked me to tune down my visits for now. we had an argument after i said he sided with his roommate over me to keep the peace and ended the call. we haven't talked since then. aita? did i go too far?.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so, i've been with my boyfriend (bf) for 4 months. he rents with a guy (roommate) "justin" who is a bit of a self rightous jerk sometimes. the problem started when i started having sleepovers with my bf in the apartment. justin looked super annoyed whenever he saw me over which is 5 days a week. he'd just keep huffing and puffing and speak to me rudely. i said nothing til yesterday when he got back and found me and started a fight with me telling me to stop having sleepovers. i asked wtf was his problem and he looked at me with and with a straight face said "if you're gonna come over here and use water, electricity and whatnot 5 days a week then you might as well start paying rent!". i responded telling him that my bf pays rent and i use what he uses then called him rude and told him to get over himself. he told me he'll get the landlord involved and my bf asked me to leave so he could figure it out with the guy. i grabbed my stuff and left feeling awful. my bf later called saying i was rude in what i said and his roommate has a point especailly since i'm using everything in the apartment from microwave, shower, charger and so his roommate felt it was unfair and my bf asked me to tune down my visits for now. we had an argument after i said he sided with his roommate over me to keep the peace and ended the call. we haven't talked since then. aita? did i go too far?. [/INST] yta. you’re not having a sleepover, you’re living in that apartment. the dude signed up for one roommate, not two. start paying 1/3rd of the rent. </s>
AITA for being offended that my daughter called me ugly?	this isn’t a big deal, but i feel like i’m going crazy over it. yesterday at dinner, my daughter (15f) was telling my wife (40f) and i (45m) about a guy she likes in school and she thinks he likes her back. my wife and i were happy for her and i would support her liking anyone that treats her right and makes her happy. she was telling us how he’s smart, funny, and has a great 6-pack (i’m used to the girl talk). my wife laughed and said something along the lines of, “as long as he’s a good person”. my daughter replied, “well yeah, but looks are also important. i don’t want to end up with someone like daddy.” i asked her what she meant by that. i don’t remember her exact words but it was along the lines of that i’m round, bald and short. there was no immediate just kidding from her. i told her that that wasn’t a nice thing to say to and that she should apologize. before she said anything though, my wife chimed in teasing that guys were always so sensitive. my daughter laughed. i usually would immediately address this kind of situation, but i was pretty upset and didn’t want to scream or cry (i know that’s so lame). i stayed mostly silent for the rest of dinner. a bit of background, i’ve recently been feeling more self conscious. i’m not ugly (even if i was, i have other qualities to make up for it!) and i know that my wife adores me, but i’ve definitely noticeably gained some weight and lost some hair. my wife is as stunning and youthful as the day i met her, and my daughter is the spitting image of her. however, i have a feeling that if my daughter insulted her appearance she would be very offended and expect me to back her up. before bed, i addressed the issue with my wife. i explained that it hurt my feelings, that i want to teach my daughter to be kind to others, and that it would mean a lot if we could both talk to my daughter about why saying that was not right. my wife didn’t take me seriously at all. among the things she said was that the best way to make someone stop teasing you is to ignore it (i don’t want to treat my daughter like a middle school bully!), and that she (my wife) was also materialistic at that age but grew out of it on her own. she also said that i was asking for it by asking her what she meant. i told my wife that i was disappointed in her and i would be talking to my daughter alone when she comes home from school today. i plan on talking to my daughter today, both because i’m still offended and i really dont want her to say that to anyone else. i don’t plan on punishing her, just having an honest conversation and seeing where it goes. nonetheless, i’m partially wondering if i’m the asshole for escalating the situation since it’s a one-off occurrence?	21,557	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iwzdfp/aita_for_being_offended_that_my_daughter_called/	2020-09-21 12:23:44	nta. wtf is wrong with the two of them? go in there and call them fat and then when they freak out and get upset say that women always get so easily offended. that'll showcase their hypocrisy. > i don’t plan on punishing her why not? that's how children learn, consequences.	totally nta what your daughter said was totally rude and uncalled for. and your wife shouldnt be so okay with her saying that either.	nta - even if she was joking, that’s a behavior that needs to be put to rest before she starts talking about others that way. regardless of how someone looks, it’s not right to judge them solely on that.	nta. your wife needs to have your back. your daughter was just being a dumb teenage girl and obviously wouldn’t find a middle aged man attractive so i wouldn’t take it too personally. but i agree you should speak to her so she understands words can hurt.	nta the real asshole here is your wife. like a big, gaping one.	nta - it's a huge problem when we tell men/boys that they're being "too sensitive" when someone makes hurtful comments. your wife's behaviour is really disappointing and i think sitting your daughter down and explaining that she upset you is an excellent idea.	nta - being "materialistic" at that age doesn't mean also being cruel.	nta. neither your daughter nor your wife realize that their words hold meaning and just because they can throw words out doesn't mean that you won't get hurt. >she also said that i was asking for it by asking her what she meant. asking for what exactly? asking to be called ugly? 🚩🚩	nta. i mean, you shouldn't particularly be offended, as no teenage girl will find any man over 40 (and more than likely anyone over 18) handsome, and especially not their dad. that said, your daughter shouldnt be calling anyone ugly, and your wife shouldnt be condoning it. that's something to address.	you need to teach your daughter not to be so shallow, clearly your wife doesn't care so it's up to you.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this isn’t a big deal, but i feel like i’m going crazy over it. yesterday at dinner, my daughter (15f) was telling my wife (40f) and i (45m) about a guy she likes in school and she thinks he likes her back. my wife and i were happy for her and i would support her liking anyone that treats her right and makes her happy. she was telling us how he’s smart, funny, and has a great 6-pack (i’m used to the girl talk). my wife laughed and said something along the lines of, “as long as he’s a good person”. my daughter replied, “well yeah, but looks are also important. i don’t want to end up with someone like daddy.” i asked her what she meant by that. i don’t remember her exact words but it was along the lines of that i’m round, bald and short. there was no immediate just kidding from her. i told her that that wasn’t a nice thing to say to and that she should apologize. before she said anything though, my wife chimed in teasing that guys were always so sensitive. my daughter laughed. i usually would immediately address this kind of situation, but i was pretty upset and didn’t want to scream or cry (i know that’s so lame). i stayed mostly silent for the rest of dinner. a bit of background, i’ve recently been feeling more self conscious. i’m not ugly (even if i was, i have other qualities to make up for it!) and i know that my wife adores me, but i’ve definitely noticeably gained some weight and lost some hair. my wife is as stunning and youthful as the day i met her, and my daughter is the spitting image of her. however, i have a feeling that if my daughter insulted her appearance she would be very offended and expect me to back her up. before bed, i addressed the issue with my wife. i explained that it hurt my feelings, that i want to teach my daughter to be kind to others, and that it would mean a lot if we could both talk to my daughter about why saying that was not right. my wife didn’t take me seriously at all. among the things she said was that the best way to make someone stop teasing you is to ignore it (i don’t want to treat my daughter like a middle school bully!), and that she (my wife) was also materialistic at that age but grew out of it on her own. she also said that i was asking for it by asking her what she meant. i told my wife that i was disappointed in her and i would be talking to my daughter alone when she comes home from school today. i plan on talking to my daughter today, both because i’m still offended and i really dont want her to say that to anyone else. i don’t plan on punishing her, just having an honest conversation and seeing where it goes. nonetheless, i’m partially wondering if i’m the asshole for escalating the situation since it’s a one-off occurrence?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this isn’t a big deal, but i feel like i’m going crazy over it. yesterday at dinner, my daughter (15f) was telling my wife (40f) and i (45m) about a guy she likes in school and she thinks he likes her back. my wife and i were happy for her and i would support her liking anyone that treats her right and makes her happy. she was telling us how he’s smart, funny, and has a great 6-pack (i’m used to the girl talk). my wife laughed and said something along the lines of, “as long as he’s a good person”. my daughter replied, “well yeah, but looks are also important. i don’t want to end up with someone like daddy.” i asked her what she meant by that. i don’t remember her exact words but it was along the lines of that i’m round, bald and short. there was no immediate just kidding from her. i told her that that wasn’t a nice thing to say to and that she should apologize. before she said anything though, my wife chimed in teasing that guys were always so sensitive. my daughter laughed. i usually would immediately address this kind of situation, but i was pretty upset and didn’t want to scream or cry (i know that’s so lame). i stayed mostly silent for the rest of dinner. a bit of background, i’ve recently been feeling more self conscious. i’m not ugly (even if i was, i have other qualities to make up for it!) and i know that my wife adores me, but i’ve definitely noticeably gained some weight and lost some hair. my wife is as stunning and youthful as the day i met her, and my daughter is the spitting image of her. however, i have a feeling that if my daughter insulted her appearance she would be very offended and expect me to back her up. before bed, i addressed the issue with my wife. i explained that it hurt my feelings, that i want to teach my daughter to be kind to others, and that it would mean a lot if we could both talk to my daughter about why saying that was not right. my wife didn’t take me seriously at all. among the things she said was that the best way to make someone stop teasing you is to ignore it (i don’t want to treat my daughter like a middle school bully!), and that she (my wife) was also materialistic at that age but grew out of it on her own. she also said that i was asking for it by asking her what she meant. i told my wife that i was disappointed in her and i would be talking to my daughter alone when she comes home from school today. i plan on talking to my daughter today, both because i’m still offended and i really dont want her to say that to anyone else. i don’t plan on punishing her, just having an honest conversation and seeing where it goes. nonetheless, i’m partially wondering if i’m the asshole for escalating the situation since it’s a one-off occurrence? [/INST] nta. wtf is wrong with the two of them? go in there and call them fat and then when they freak out and get upset say that women always get so easily offended. that'll showcase their hypocrisy. > i don’t plan on punishing her why not? that's how children learn, consequences. </s>
AITA for telling my daughter that I will never let her drive me anywhere in her life?	we have a tradition in our family that whenever one of our children pass their driving exam, we all go out and eat together at their favorite restaurant to celebrate. i taught all my daughters (18, 17, and currently my two 15 year old's) how to drive, but my 16 year old wouldn't let me. she said that her friend was learning with a driving instructor, and she wanted to do that, too. no problem. i asked her to let me just teach her the basics then, but she said that she wanted to learn at the same pace as her friend. i offered to teach the friend the basics, too, but then my daughter just outright said, "no, dad. no. i don't want you to teach me. it's not cool, okay, and i want to learn on my own." i said, "you are learning on your own, i'm just going to teach you the basics and that's it." she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore and the final answer was no. part of her driving permit requirement was that she drive a certain amount of practice hours but she was only allowed to drive with a parent or driving instructor in the car. she would never drive with me in the car, so she got all her practice hours with her driving instructor and by driving my wife around. i complained to my wife and asked her what the heck was going on, and she just kept saying that our daughter was trying to be independent and impress me by doing it on her own. finally, our daughter took her driving license. she passed and we went out to celebrate. she was supposed to drive the entire family to the restaurant, but i refused to get in. i went in one car while she drove her mom and sisters in the other. i usually give the toasts but i refused, saying, that maybe the driving instructor should have been here to give it. my wife said, "oh my gosh, this is so childish. you two need to talk about this right now and clear the air." i said, "i need an explanation for why my own daughter was so against me teaching her to drive, or just even being the car with her while she was learning." she said, "it wasn't personal. i just wanted to learn how to drive on my own. and with my friend. that's it." even my other daughters said, "yeah, but you could have at least let dad teach you one time." but she said that she was going to at one point, but then she felt pressured by everyone trying to push her into doing it that she just rebelled against the whole idea. i said, "well, what's done is done and you don't ever have worry about driving me around because i will never in your life let me drive me anywhere. i will never get in a car with you if you're behind the wheel." it got silent and the atmosphere was thick after that. my wife kept frowning at me and then after awhile i got up and said, "i'm going to go. i need to go clear my head."	8,439	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rtm3d9/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_i_will_never/	2022-01-01 15:57:59	yta. she didn’t want to learn from you so you’re retaliating against her which goes a long way to explaining why she didn’t want to learn from you.	considering the way you threw a tantrum about this whole thing and made the whole celebration about you, it's no wonder your daughter didn't want to drive with you. get over yourself, asshole. yta	yta - it’s just petty. you’re the dad and you’re acting like the teen here. i get that your feelings are hurt, but i think you are going about this in such a wrong way.	>i complained to my wife and asked her what the heck was going on, and she just kept saying that our daughter was trying to be independent and impress me by doing it on her own you spoke to your wife, and she explained what was going on. yet for some reason you insisted on trying to get your daughter to explain herself in person to you. >i said, "i need an explanation for why my own daughter was so against me teaching her to drive, or just even being the car with her while she was learning." why did you need to push it? >i said, "well, what's done is done and you don't ever have worry about driving me around because i will never in your life let me drive me anywhere. i will never get in a car with you if you're behind the wheel." dude. 🤦‍♂️ are you 12 years old? because you certainly act like it. you're adult, don't hold stupid petty grudges. 100% yta	yta. geez, after reading this, i wonder why your daughter didn’t want your help…	yta. this is exactly what my dad is like. he always wanted things to go his way, and would throw temper tantrums if it didn't. and now that i've moved out for college i have no contact with him and intend on keeping it that way. your daughter just did something huge on her own and instead of celebrating her achievement, you made it all about you. if you don't start acting more considerate towards your daughter and accept that she's gonna be her own person someday, you might end up the way my dad did.	yta. that is super childish. eta regarding op’s eta, yes, i see how your feelings were hurt. it’s how you dealt with it	yta. i understand your feelings were hurt by her not wanting you to teach her, but you are reacting like a child, not an adult/parent. if the two of you are alone at the house and you have a medical situation and need a ride to a hospital, are going to call an uber? grow up.	why are you so threatened?	yta. she said it - you make her nervous. i felt pressured. she probably just didn't know how to tell you without hurting your feelings. it's clear you're a "my way or the highway" kind of guy. while very knowledgeable and a clear direction giver you also tend to be intimidating albeit in a well meaning and loving way. great traits for a dad, not so much for someone teaching you to drive.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we have a tradition in our family that whenever one of our children pass their driving exam, we all go out and eat together at their favorite restaurant to celebrate. i taught all my daughters (18, 17, and currently my two 15 year old's) how to drive, but my 16 year old wouldn't let me. she said that her friend was learning with a driving instructor, and she wanted to do that, too. no problem. i asked her to let me just teach her the basics then, but she said that she wanted to learn at the same pace as her friend. i offered to teach the friend the basics, too, but then my daughter just outright said, "no, dad. no. i don't want you to teach me. it's not cool, okay, and i want to learn on my own." i said, "you are learning on your own, i'm just going to teach you the basics and that's it." she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore and the final answer was no. part of her driving permit requirement was that she drive a certain amount of practice hours but she was only allowed to drive with a parent or driving instructor in the car. she would never drive with me in the car, so she got all her practice hours with her driving instructor and by driving my wife around. i complained to my wife and asked her what the heck was going on, and she just kept saying that our daughter was trying to be independent and impress me by doing it on her own. finally, our daughter took her driving license. she passed and we went out to celebrate. she was supposed to drive the entire family to the restaurant, but i refused to get in. i went in one car while she drove her mom and sisters in the other. i usually give the toasts but i refused, saying, that maybe the driving instructor should have been here to give it. my wife said, "oh my gosh, this is so childish. you two need to talk about this right now and clear the air." i said, "i need an explanation for why my own daughter was so against me teaching her to drive, or just even being the car with her while she was learning." she said, "it wasn't personal. i just wanted to learn how to drive on my own. and with my friend. that's it." even my other daughters said, "yeah, but you could have at least let dad teach you one time." but she said that she was going to at one point, but then she felt pressured by everyone trying to push her into doing it that she just rebelled against the whole idea. i said, "well, what's done is done and you don't ever have worry about driving me around because i will never in your life let me drive me anywhere. i will never get in a car with you if you're behind the wheel." it got silent and the atmosphere was thick after that. my wife kept frowning at me and then after awhile i got up and said, "i'm going to go. i need to go clear my head."	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> we have a tradition in our family that whenever one of our children pass their driving exam, we all go out and eat together at their favorite restaurant to celebrate. i taught all my daughters (18, 17, and currently my two 15 year old's) how to drive, but my 16 year old wouldn't let me. she said that her friend was learning with a driving instructor, and she wanted to do that, too. no problem. i asked her to let me just teach her the basics then, but she said that she wanted to learn at the same pace as her friend. i offered to teach the friend the basics, too, but then my daughter just outright said, "no, dad. no. i don't want you to teach me. it's not cool, okay, and i want to learn on my own." i said, "you are learning on your own, i'm just going to teach you the basics and that's it." she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore and the final answer was no. part of her driving permit requirement was that she drive a certain amount of practice hours but she was only allowed to drive with a parent or driving instructor in the car. she would never drive with me in the car, so she got all her practice hours with her driving instructor and by driving my wife around. i complained to my wife and asked her what the heck was going on, and she just kept saying that our daughter was trying to be independent and impress me by doing it on her own. finally, our daughter took her driving license. she passed and we went out to celebrate. she was supposed to drive the entire family to the restaurant, but i refused to get in. i went in one car while she drove her mom and sisters in the other. i usually give the toasts but i refused, saying, that maybe the driving instructor should have been here to give it. my wife said, "oh my gosh, this is so childish. you two need to talk about this right now and clear the air." i said, "i need an explanation for why my own daughter was so against me teaching her to drive, or just even being the car with her while she was learning." she said, "it wasn't personal. i just wanted to learn how to drive on my own. and with my friend. that's it." even my other daughters said, "yeah, but you could have at least let dad teach you one time." but she said that she was going to at one point, but then she felt pressured by everyone trying to push her into doing it that she just rebelled against the whole idea. i said, "well, what's done is done and you don't ever have worry about driving me around because i will never in your life let me drive me anywhere. i will never get in a car with you if you're behind the wheel." it got silent and the atmosphere was thick after that. my wife kept frowning at me and then after awhile i got up and said, "i'm going to go. i need to go clear my head." [/INST] yta. she didn’t want to learn from you so you’re retaliating against her which goes a long way to explaining why she didn’t want to learn from you. </s>
AITA for asking for matching plates for my girlfriend?	i have been dating mia and she’s my world. mia has ocd and likes to eat off matching plates and cutlery. she finds patterns to distracting and it upsets her. my sister hosts thanksgiving and has a bunch of different theme plates. none that match well. i told her i want bring mia but i was wondering if she could use different plates or even paper plates of one color. my sister's personality trait is to be that quirky vintage thrift girl and her husband is kind of a hipster douche. i told them on how to make my girlfriend feel welcome in the family and that having paper plates isn’t that big of a deal or cheap white plates. the argument was heated and it got to christmas and my mom who hosts christmas said she’s not giving up her christmas plates either. it came down i know my girlfriend’s anxieties and ocd would be triggered in this noisy chaos that our holidays are. i told my mom and sister that i would spend thanksgiving and christmas with my girlfriend and both said that’s best. i was upset by their response to not making her feel welcome. i didn’t think asking for paper plates was that big of a deal and i know many people that do that on the holidays.	4,725	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1e54d/aita_for_asking_for_matching_plates_for_my/	2022-10-11 16:56:13	yta. your girlfriend has to find a way to cope if she wants to be invited to family things. not everyone can cater to her every need.	> it came down i know my girlfriend’s anxieties and ocd would be triggered in this noisy chaos that our holidays are sounds like the plates would be the least of her concerns in navigating the holidays. managing her conditions are her responsibility. you can request accommodations but ultimately, it is up to the host to decide whether or not those accommodations are reasonable to them.	yta they are the hosts. you asked, they declined. end of story. you agreed to stay away. besides who wants to eat on plain white paper plates instead of holiday dishes?	it's not clear whether op is asking that mia be provided with a matching set of plates and cutlery for herself alone, or whether everyone at the table has to have matching stuff. if mia is only concerned with her own things, have her bring her own. if she wants everyone at the christmas table to use only the same pattern or white plates, meaning that they have to buy a whole new dinner service or use tacky paper plates, that is a huge overreach and far beyond the bounds of "making someone feel welcome". a lot of people have ocd or other disorders, and they manage to make it through the world and life without having every little thing catered to their personal preferences. i have hyperacusis myself and find loud noises and bright lights upsetting, but i don't insist that when i visit people they sit in the dark and talk in whispers, because that is rude. i need to adapt and function in the world semi-normally, and your gf needs to learn to do the same. you're not exactly an ah yet, op, but if you keep insisting on this silly idea you will be one.	info: did your gf ask you to make this request? does your gf know that you made this request? is this something your gf's therapist has deemed a reasonable request or is this your/her own initiative? and unrelated, why do you even want to eat at your sister's if you obviously don't like her husband (and possibly her either)?	do all the plates need to be white or just hers? if that is the case, bring a set for her.	yta. i don’t believe that just having the plates match would solve it. what about the serving dishes? there are usually a lot of serving dishes at a big meal like thanksgiving or christmas. do they have to match, too? what about tablecloths with patterns? maybe you & mia should offer to host a meal yourselves so that you can set things up in a way that works for her.	info: did you offer to bring your own matching plates? or are you expecting everyone to use matching plates? i think yta because you are not hosting and you got upset when they they didn’t cave in to your threat of spending your holiday elsewhere. this leads me to believe that you’re a lot to deal with, gf or no.	yta you don't get to decide or make requests like that at other people's homes. yta for even asking. maybe she can work on desensitization because you are destined to spend holidays alone if you stay with her. i don't see why she just can't stay in a different room, like the living room, until the meal is over. if she needed a solid color for her own dishes, you could bring a set for her, but for the whole table? no.	yta. i've been managing my ocd for years and the most i've done is inform the host ahead of time that i may have to leave if i get too anxious. i don't expect people change their aesthetics for me.	YTA	null	YTA	null	INFO	null	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	0.036878	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been dating mia and she’s my world. mia has ocd and likes to eat off matching plates and cutlery. she finds patterns to distracting and it upsets her. my sister hosts thanksgiving and has a bunch of different theme plates. none that match well. i told her i want bring mia but i was wondering if she could use different plates or even paper plates of one color. my sister's personality trait is to be that quirky vintage thrift girl and her husband is kind of a hipster douche. i told them on how to make my girlfriend feel welcome in the family and that having paper plates isn’t that big of a deal or cheap white plates. the argument was heated and it got to christmas and my mom who hosts christmas said she’s not giving up her christmas plates either. it came down i know my girlfriend’s anxieties and ocd would be triggered in this noisy chaos that our holidays are. i told my mom and sister that i would spend thanksgiving and christmas with my girlfriend and both said that’s best. i was upset by their response to not making her feel welcome. i didn’t think asking for paper plates was that big of a deal and i know many people that do that on the holidays.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have been dating mia and she’s my world. mia has ocd and likes to eat off matching plates and cutlery. she finds patterns to distracting and it upsets her. my sister hosts thanksgiving and has a bunch of different theme plates. none that match well. i told her i want bring mia but i was wondering if she could use different plates or even paper plates of one color. my sister's personality trait is to be that quirky vintage thrift girl and her husband is kind of a hipster douche. i told them on how to make my girlfriend feel welcome in the family and that having paper plates isn’t that big of a deal or cheap white plates. the argument was heated and it got to christmas and my mom who hosts christmas said she’s not giving up her christmas plates either. it came down i know my girlfriend’s anxieties and ocd would be triggered in this noisy chaos that our holidays are. i told my mom and sister that i would spend thanksgiving and christmas with my girlfriend and both said that’s best. i was upset by their response to not making her feel welcome. i didn’t think asking for paper plates was that big of a deal and i know many people that do that on the holidays. [/INST] yta. your girlfriend has to find a way to cope if she wants to be invited to family things. not everyone can cater to her every need. </s>
AITA for asking my husband to not be near our daughter during her physical therapy?	i (42f) have 3 kids (18f, 16m,14f) with my husband (45m). my husband has always been the disciplinarian and tends to yell and scream insults a lot and get mad quite easily, and our kids don't have the best relationship with him due to this. our youngest was in a car accident, and experienced a spinal cord injury and is currently going trough physical therapy, and some surgeries. she is doing some practice at home and i don't want my husband there a lot when she's going trough the therapy, or at the hospital picking her up and dropping her off for surgery, as he may instinctively get mad at her messing something up or him being there may make her feel worried that he's going to get mad. she has also asked me to try and get him to not be there. i confronted him and told him that because he wants to help them he may get mad easily and upset her when she needs to be as positive as possible, and knowing him he may worry about grades and let that blind him from worrying about her. he said that he would be there and that as a father he had the right to get mad when his children make mistakes. i told him that she really needed support during this time and that knowing he tends to be very disciplinary i would not be letting him near her during this time. he told me that there was nothing stopping him and i said that i would divorce him if he acted the same way. he told me i was being a f\*cking psycho and i am starting to think that he is right and maybe i am overreacting in not letting him be there during this time, aita?	5,547	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u96vjj/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_not_be_near_our/	2022-04-22 05:12:39	yta for making your children deal with this man for so long and the abuse he's put them through. your daughter has extreme anxiety because of him, take the kids and leave.	nta. idk if you bought up divorce just to scare him but if i was you i would really consider it. >as a father he had the right to get mad when his children make mistakes. this is scary. especially if the "mistakes" are something your recovering kid doesn't really have control over	nta. no one else has said it yet so i will. if you honestly think he’s going to get mad at her messing something up like physical therapy because of an accident…. then something is seriously wrong and it sounds more like he’s an abuser than a disciplinarian. especially him calling you a psycho for wanting your daughter to be comfortable during this time of her life. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩	yta. big yta. do not ever, ever make your children deal with such an abusive parent. the fact that it was happening and you did nothing about it makes you just as bad.	nta for this specific situation, but you absolutely are ta for failing to protect your children before now. your kids are worried they'll set their father off yelling and he insults them, that's not discipline that's abuse. it is not 'his right as a father' to get mad. this man has anger issues and from what i can tell this is the first time in 18 years that you've attempted to shield any of your children from it. follow through on your threat and divorce this asshole.	>my husband has always been the disciplinarian and tends to yell and scream insults a lot and get mad quite easily this is abuse. your husband is abusive. nta.	yta. you are the asshole. your husband yells and screams at your children? your child is injured and vulnerable and this is even a subject you're even considering? what have you let fly before this?	esh. you're not an asshole in this specific situation but as usual with a case with a "disciplinarian" parent who makes life hell for their children, you are an asshole for allowing him to do this to them for all this time. he has been abusing your children their entire lives and i can only imagine how quickly they will cut him out of their lives once they can legally and financially do so. your 14-year-old daughter has a spinal cord injury and you husband is going to yell at her for "messing up"? you have failed to protect your children from a shitty asshole, and yes, that makes you an asshole as well.	why are you with someone who is verbally abusive and aggressive towards your children? 🧐 girl you need to run with your kids	yta, you have an abusive husband who can’t even stop verbally abusing his kid when she’s got a major traumatic injury. your own daughter doesn’t want to be around him. your husband screams at your children? why are you allowing your children to be raised under a roof with their abuser? please leave this situation for their good and yours.	YTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	ESH	null	YTA	0.852562	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (42f) have 3 kids (18f, 16m,14f) with my husband (45m). my husband has always been the disciplinarian and tends to yell and scream insults a lot and get mad quite easily, and our kids don't have the best relationship with him due to this. our youngest was in a car accident, and experienced a spinal cord injury and is currently going trough physical therapy, and some surgeries. she is doing some practice at home and i don't want my husband there a lot when she's going trough the therapy, or at the hospital picking her up and dropping her off for surgery, as he may instinctively get mad at her messing something up or him being there may make her feel worried that he's going to get mad. she has also asked me to try and get him to not be there. i confronted him and told him that because he wants to help them he may get mad easily and upset her when she needs to be as positive as possible, and knowing him he may worry about grades and let that blind him from worrying about her. he said that he would be there and that as a father he had the right to get mad when his children make mistakes. i told him that she really needed support during this time and that knowing he tends to be very disciplinary i would not be letting him near her during this time. he told me that there was nothing stopping him and i said that i would divorce him if he acted the same way. he told me i was being a f\*cking psycho and i am starting to think that he is right and maybe i am overreacting in not letting him be there during this time, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (42f) have 3 kids (18f, 16m,14f) with my husband (45m). my husband has always been the disciplinarian and tends to yell and scream insults a lot and get mad quite easily, and our kids don't have the best relationship with him due to this. our youngest was in a car accident, and experienced a spinal cord injury and is currently going trough physical therapy, and some surgeries. she is doing some practice at home and i don't want my husband there a lot when she's going trough the therapy, or at the hospital picking her up and dropping her off for surgery, as he may instinctively get mad at her messing something up or him being there may make her feel worried that he's going to get mad. she has also asked me to try and get him to not be there. i confronted him and told him that because he wants to help them he may get mad easily and upset her when she needs to be as positive as possible, and knowing him he may worry about grades and let that blind him from worrying about her. he said that he would be there and that as a father he had the right to get mad when his children make mistakes. i told him that she really needed support during this time and that knowing he tends to be very disciplinary i would not be letting him near her during this time. he told me that there was nothing stopping him and i said that i would divorce him if he acted the same way. he told me i was being a f\*cking psycho and i am starting to think that he is right and maybe i am overreacting in not letting him be there during this time, aita? [/INST] yta for making your children deal with this man for so long and the abuse he's put them through. your daughter has extreme anxiety because of him, take the kids and leave. </s>
AITA for the way I reacted to my parents open relationship and no longer paying rent	i (18m) live with my parents, ive been paying rent since i was 16 since my parents would be financially fucked if i wasn't helping out. a few my parents told me they are seeing someone and that their relationship is open. i didn't give a shit since it wasn't affecting me until this guy they are seeing started staying nights. he treat this place like its his, tries to tell me what to do and eats all our (my) food. i tried talking to my parents about it but they just said its their house so they can have who they want here. i really tried to put up with it until this guy tried to discipline my dog. i flipped my shit, it was most certainly not the way you discipline a dog and im already sick of his shit. i yelled the house down, calling him all sorts, like "dumb c\nt" "piece of shit free loader" and some more vile shit thats probably way to fucked up to say here. my parents rushed to see whats going on and tell me off but instead i told them off calling them terrible parents, that they can shove their house up their ass and that i'm not going to pay rent to live in a house i have no say in. that "dumb c\nt" can cover my rent. ive since been staying with my boyfriend. my parents recently texted me asking for my rent. i told them to fuck off and reminded them of what i said. i feel like im not wrong to not pay rent anymore but i went so overboard with my words. aita	18,585	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xnpygp/aita_for_the_way_i_reacted_to_my_parents_open/	2022-09-25 15:12:11	nta; they turned you into a paying tenant at 16 and i'm glad you're out. do you have your dog with you? that would've been the final straw for me as well.	nta - they can’t expect you to pay rent if you are no longer living with them. in some ways this may be the best thing that ever happened to you. it sounds like they haven’t been the best parents and have been milking you financially for housing expenses and food. better to be on your own and only responsible for supporting yourself.	nta. for one thing, your parents are ah for forcing you to live in a situation that you're not comfortable with. not only is the side dude not respecting boundaries, he's a stranger, and you shouldn't be expected to be ok with sharing space with him. losing your shit may have been much, but everyone has a breaking point. parents going through a change like this (open relationship, separation, divorce) need to have their kids well being in mind, but since you're legally an adult, you may just have to walk away and let them deal with their financial issues themselves.	nta, their response shows they only see you as a bank they can withdraw money from. no apology, no "hey we're ready to listen", no "we didn't realize it was this bad." instead just "hey where's the money." that attitude shows me pretty clearly that they aren't parents, they are dna donors at best. i'd suggest cutting them off, and treat them the way you would a random donor who came out of the woodwork begging for money.	nta. you shouldn’t have been paying for rent from 16-18. if in the us it’s illegal. try and get as much of your stuff out of their house and your important documents.	nta. there’s a lot of factors here. for one, you’re not living in their house anymore you don’t owe them any rent that you might have agreed on. for two, it is incredibly hypocritical of them to have another person staying rent free and eating all the food when you (their child, who imo should never have to pay to live at their parents unless out of necessity - which apparently wasn’t the case since they could house a grown man), and three, your dog? not his dog. he thought he could discipline your dog. nta at all	i’m going with nta on this one. this other guy moves in and thinks he has the right to order you around and to punish your dog? and your parents said nothing? i’m glad you moved out. i’m also bothered that they were charging their minor child rent.	nta, like maybe the cursing tirade wasn't helpful, but that's hella weird. and look, it is their house, but c'mon man...how do they not see they are charging an 18yo rent while their boyfriend eats his food and doesn't respect boundaries?	nta it’s crazy that you’re paying rent this young and starting at 16 as for their open relationship, this guy can’t start making this house his house. it’s extremely rude and crosses boundaries that he is trying to be an authority figure to you. your parents are the only ones that can be your authority, not this guy. as for moving out, youre 18. you are free to move and no longer pay rent. tell your parents to put their fuck buddy in his place. is he paying rent? or is he just a freeloader and sleeping with them?	nta, i am sorry your parents are not great parents. you shouldn’t have to have grown up so soon especially if they are both able. if you are already working and paying for food, it sounds like it is time to find your own space with roommates if you can. pay rent into a household where you will actually have equal say in how it runs. you won’t find that with your parents. when you are in a safe and secure place, i would look into therapy to talk through your family stuff. it may help you learn to set healthy boundaries with your parents, and learn what a healthy family relationship looks like before you get to the point of marrying and making your own. breaking generational patterns is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. make your own supportive found family and community without them.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (18m) live with my parents, ive been paying rent since i was 16 since my parents would be financially fucked if i wasn't helping out. a few my parents told me they are seeing someone and that their relationship is open. i didn't give a shit since it wasn't affecting me until this guy they are seeing started staying nights. he treat this place like its his, tries to tell me what to do and eats all our (my) food. i tried talking to my parents about it but they just said its their house so they can have who they want here. i really tried to put up with it until this guy tried to discipline my dog. i flipped my shit, it was most certainly not the way you discipline a dog and im already sick of his shit. i yelled the house down, calling him all sorts, like "dumb c\nt" "piece of shit free loader" and some more vile shit thats probably way to fucked up to say here. my parents rushed to see whats going on and tell me off but instead i told them off calling them terrible parents, that they can shove their house up their ass and that i'm not going to pay rent to live in a house i have no say in. that "dumb c\nt" can cover my rent. ive since been staying with my boyfriend. my parents recently texted me asking for my rent. i told them to fuck off and reminded them of what i said. i feel like im not wrong to not pay rent anymore but i went so overboard with my words. aita	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (18m) live with my parents, ive been paying rent since i was 16 since my parents would be financially fucked if i wasn't helping out. a few my parents told me they are seeing someone and that their relationship is open. i didn't give a shit since it wasn't affecting me until this guy they are seeing started staying nights. he treat this place like its his, tries to tell me what to do and eats all our (my) food. i tried talking to my parents about it but they just said its their house so they can have who they want here. i really tried to put up with it until this guy tried to discipline my dog. i flipped my shit, it was most certainly not the way you discipline a dog and im already sick of his shit. i yelled the house down, calling him all sorts, like "dumb c\nt" "piece of shit free loader" and some more vile shit thats probably way to fucked up to say here. my parents rushed to see whats going on and tell me off but instead i told them off calling them terrible parents, that they can shove their house up their ass and that i'm not going to pay rent to live in a house i have no say in. that "dumb c\nt" can cover my rent. ive since been staying with my boyfriend. my parents recently texted me asking for my rent. i told them to fuck off and reminded them of what i said. i feel like im not wrong to not pay rent anymore but i went so overboard with my words. aita [/INST] nta; they turned you into a paying tenant at 16 and i'm glad you're out. do you have your dog with you? that would've been the final straw for me as well. </s>
AITA for not telling my parents how to read my diary?	i am 15f and i have diary, and to prevent my older sister from reading it i created a new alphabet and to make it even harder to decode its not just the latin alphabet that looks differently, i made some sounds like yu, ya, sh, etc as one letter, like they are in cyrillic. (alphabet russian, bulgarian, kazakh etc use) well my parents were snooping in my room and found my diary, and are demanding i tell them how to decode it so they can read it. they are saying that i need to share this with them and i can't have secrets from them and im under their roof. i eventually got sick of it and told them to fuck off. they sent me to my room and i'm here. they keep trying to decode my diary which i doubt they will but fuck this sucks.	29,465	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hjwxmn/aita_for_not_telling_my_parents_how_to_read_my/	2020-07-02 13:24:08	nta. parents who force their way into their teens diaries are shitty parents. full stop. reading your teenage kids diaries is a violation of trust. they can basically expect you to never trust them as an adult, and to have a distant and likely shitty relationship with them. they are wrong, and there is no other side to this. source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-kids/201702/no-mom-you-cant-read-your-daughters-diary-or-texts	nta damn you got a bright future if you can code a diary at 15. don’t let your parents drag you down with their need for “no secrets” from their kid, nor in future relationships. you keep doing you op!!	nta. your parents are being instrusive. you have a right to privacy do not give into them.	nta-that is an extreme invasion of your privacy. just because you are under their roof does not mean you aren't entitled to your privacy. they should respect you and your privacy.	nta. memorize and burn the cypher.	nta. a diary is a private thing and should be accessed only by the owner and potentially people to whom they grant permission to read it. if you don't feel comfortable with your parents reading your diary, you have every right to keep the code a secret. perhaps you should not have told them to fuck off, because they are your parents after all but it's the only thing i'm on the fence about.	nta- i wish i had thought of that when i was your age. my dad and grandma read mine and blacked out all the things they didn't like with black sharpie. like a redacted legal document.	nta - even as a minor you have the right to some privacy. i think it’s cool how you coded it 😂. but do not not tell your parents to “fuck off” even if you are right.	nta there’s an online app called cryptee which i recommend you look into so that you can write freely without fear of someone finding it. i’m sorry your parents don’t have boundaries!	nta. your parents apparently don't understand the concept of privacy.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 15f and i have diary, and to prevent my older sister from reading it i created a new alphabet and to make it even harder to decode its not just the latin alphabet that looks differently, i made some sounds like yu, ya, sh, etc as one letter, like they are in cyrillic. (alphabet russian, bulgarian, kazakh etc use) well my parents were snooping in my room and found my diary, and are demanding i tell them how to decode it so they can read it. they are saying that i need to share this with them and i can't have secrets from them and im under their roof. i eventually got sick of it and told them to fuck off. they sent me to my room and i'm here. they keep trying to decode my diary which i doubt they will but fuck this sucks.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am 15f and i have diary, and to prevent my older sister from reading it i created a new alphabet and to make it even harder to decode its not just the latin alphabet that looks differently, i made some sounds like yu, ya, sh, etc as one letter, like they are in cyrillic. (alphabet russian, bulgarian, kazakh etc use) well my parents were snooping in my room and found my diary, and are demanding i tell them how to decode it so they can read it. they are saying that i need to share this with them and i can't have secrets from them and im under their roof. i eventually got sick of it and told them to fuck off. they sent me to my room and i'm here. they keep trying to decode my diary which i doubt they will but fuck this sucks. [/INST] nta. parents who force their way into their teens diaries are shitty parents. full stop. reading your teenage kids diaries is a violation of trust. they can basically expect you to never trust them as an adult, and to have a distant and likely shitty relationship with them. they are wrong, and there is no other side to this. source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-kids/201702/no-mom-you-cant-read-your-daughters-diary-or-texts </s>
AITA for being upset at my fiance for what he said during a game at his friend's house?	ta account my (28f) fiance flynn's (27m) dad died when his mom was pregnant and she raised him by herself. she remarried when he was 19. so last night one of flynn's work friends invited us over for dinner and afterwards we were just chatting and playing games. there were these flashcards that asked questions like, "what's your most embarrassing moment" or "what movie represents your life" etc, and we were taking turns answering them. when it got to flynn's turn the question was "what's a real life love story you know to rival any reel ones". i thought he'd say us, but he went on about his parents and all these hardships they had to face, and how his mom didn't remarry until recently. when we went home, i told him that his answer to that question should've been us. he said that his mom and dad's story is one that he loves, but i told him that he's never even met his dad and he's putting some hypothetical story over our current one. he got pissed and said it was just a game, but i said that now i know where he really stands about us. flynn said i was a brat and disrespectful, but i think he's the one being disrespectful. was i the ah?	7,044	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/whoe8b/aita_for_being_upset_at_my_fiance_for_what_he/	2022-08-06 13:30:46	yta of course your love story can't rival theirs - i mean, even twilight is a better love story than a woman jealous of her fiancé's dead father and his grieving mother.	yta. this is one connection he has to his father and you acted like a spoiled brat. let him have his stories. perhaps your behaviour is one of the reasons he didn't say it was your own "love" story. i can only imagine your behaviour during other periods if this is how you react to some sentimental story your partner shares. grow up.	yta. losing his dad before even getting the chance to know him is a unique kind of grief. he has no memories of his dad, no connection to him other than stories like the one he chose to share, and in sharing those moments he is able to feel a little closer to a man he never knew. being a little upset that he chose to talk about his parenta instead of you and him isn't unreasonable, we can't help how we feel about things, but getting so jealous over this dude's mom and dad that you felt the need to complain about it and attack his grief is super unreasonable and definitely an asshole move. you were a jerk and he deserves an apology.	yta big time his mom was only remarried 19 years after her husband died, raising their child with love and your fiance is highly appreciative of that and you have to be jealous that he thinks that's a beautiful love story.	wow yta. you are a walking 🚩	"he got pissed and said it was just a game, but i said that now i know where he really stands about us." no you don't. his love of his parent's story has nothing to do with your relationship and where he stands with you. the fact that you took something so lovely like him honoring his parent's love, and made it all about you you you and some shit!test he failed, shows you are very selfish and self-absorbed. not everything is about you and your partner can love you but still be able to recognize other people's love stories were also impressive or even had more difficulties or drama or tragedy than yours. that doesn't invalidate your love story. you are immature and self-centered. yta	yta 100% in this. let him have the idealized version of his parents in his head. it's all he has of his father. like he said, you are being a disrespectful brat.	yta his answer was sweet and lovely and a wonderful tribute to a mother who sacrificed a lot. you are being petty as hell	yta. everything is not always about you. how self-centered can you be.	for heaven's sake. it's a lovely story. let him have the story of his parents to cherish. it doesn't take away from yours. not everything has to be about you. yta.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ta account my (28f) fiance flynn's (27m) dad died when his mom was pregnant and she raised him by herself. she remarried when he was 19. so last night one of flynn's work friends invited us over for dinner and afterwards we were just chatting and playing games. there were these flashcards that asked questions like, "what's your most embarrassing moment" or "what movie represents your life" etc, and we were taking turns answering them. when it got to flynn's turn the question was "what's a real life love story you know to rival any reel ones". i thought he'd say us, but he went on about his parents and all these hardships they had to face, and how his mom didn't remarry until recently. when we went home, i told him that his answer to that question should've been us. he said that his mom and dad's story is one that he loves, but i told him that he's never even met his dad and he's putting some hypothetical story over our current one. he got pissed and said it was just a game, but i said that now i know where he really stands about us. flynn said i was a brat and disrespectful, but i think he's the one being disrespectful. was i the ah?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> ta account my (28f) fiance flynn's (27m) dad died when his mom was pregnant and she raised him by herself. she remarried when he was 19. so last night one of flynn's work friends invited us over for dinner and afterwards we were just chatting and playing games. there were these flashcards that asked questions like, "what's your most embarrassing moment" or "what movie represents your life" etc, and we were taking turns answering them. when it got to flynn's turn the question was "what's a real life love story you know to rival any reel ones". i thought he'd say us, but he went on about his parents and all these hardships they had to face, and how his mom didn't remarry until recently. when we went home, i told him that his answer to that question should've been us. he said that his mom and dad's story is one that he loves, but i told him that he's never even met his dad and he's putting some hypothetical story over our current one. he got pissed and said it was just a game, but i said that now i know where he really stands about us. flynn said i was a brat and disrespectful, but i think he's the one being disrespectful. was i the ah? [/INST] yta of course your love story can't rival theirs - i mean, even twilight is a better love story than a woman jealous of her fiancé's dead father and his grieving mother. </s>
AITA for letting my mother have a copy of the key to our new home despite my wife's objection?	situation i (m34) recently bought a one-story house. note that it was purchased solely by me, my wife did not help save for it (i started saving for it before i even met here) and it's in my name. when my parents threw us a party for this happy ocassion, mom asked for a copy of the key in case of an emergency. i let her have it which made my wife upset. she didn't say anything at the time but she waited til we were alone and started arguing with me saying i shouldn't have let my mother have a copy of the key. i said "why?!" since my mother is known to respect privacy and is a very trusted member in the family. she said that she does not feel "comfortable" with the idea of someone else, who's not a resident to have a copy of the key. she also brought up how my mother didn't pay a penny towards the house so this should "disqualify her" from getting the key. i said it was not a big deal but she kept presisting saying i need to take the key back. quite frankly, this had me fuming. i pointed out that i'm the one who bought the house and it's my decision to decide who gets to have a copy of the key end of story. she screamed at me saying that "technically" she did contribute towards the house savings back when she used to pay for our rent and daily expenses while i saved money. i told her that she was acting as if i put my mom's name on the title which's ridiculous but she said that i have no respect for her opiniins and keep undermining her input. we've been going back and forth on it since then. she's now "letting me know" that if i don't take the key back then she'll do it herself. i think she's being irrational and unreasonable acting like that over a copy of the house key. this decision i made could save us in case of an emergency but she kept downplaying it. e.t.a i think it's crucial to mention that there's no conflict between my mother and my wife. they're on near perfect terms, alright? i thought that i've already established that above.	15,033	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yuzl0p/aita_for_letting_my_mother_have_a_copy_of_the_key/	2022-11-14 13:35:19	yta and that is why you can't trust no one when it comes to money. you played your wife. you probably told her you would save for a shared home and thats why she should support you and pay your share of the rent. now "she didnt contribute a penny" to your house. your house. she gets no say. but you mom does- lol yta- you are an ahole.	yta she paid all your expenses while you saved and she's not even on the title to the house? she's right, she did contribute.	info: if she paid all the rent while you were saving, why isn't her name on the deed?	yta. your attitude of 'i paid for it' isn't on. you're married; it's 'our home' not 'my home' now. in any case, your wife is right, she absolutely has financially contributed to the property. she paid the rent which allowed you to save. pretty disgusting of you to dismiss this. your mother having a key to your home is a big deal and something you and your wife both need to be comfortable with. if you aren't mature enough to make joint decisions with your wife, you shouldn't be married. i think your wife is right; you don't seem to respect her at all. huge red flag that you only put the house in your name. you've basically used your wife to enable you to do what you want.	anybody thinking of making financial sacrifices to enable their partner to buy a home in their name only? read this and think again. your wife sacrificed her earnings to enable you to save to buy a house, which despite the fact that if she hadn't done so you wouldn't have a house, you clearly think of as just yours. your whole tone is that she has no rights and should thank her lucky stars that, despite her contribution, you even let her through the front door and you seriously wonder if maybe you are an asshole? let me remove all doubt - yta.	yta for leeching off of your wife and giving her no rights to the home she enabled you to save for. do you even like her?	yta. gotta love how you started with "i paid for it and my wife did not" while you were able to save for it only because your wife paid other expenses and maintained both of you. so it is her house as well. she basically made this purchase possible. it should have been a mutual agreement on who gets any extra keys of the house. you're a massive ah.	info: are you fucking kidding?	yta - so you wife paid the rent while your income went into savings, and you don’t consider that contributing towards saving for the house? that’s a wild technicality. stop acting like this is only your house. it isn’t and that’s the fast track to a divorce.	wait a minute.. your wife did help pay for the house.. by paying expenses while you saved for the house. marriage is a two way street and i can’t believe that you think she didn’t help. you need to give credit where credit’s due here and why in the world wouldn’t you put her name on the house too? what if you suddenly die? you’re not protecting your family!!! it’s ok that she feels uncomfortable by your mom having a key as mom could walk in any old time and there’s privacy issues here! i feel you should have asked your wife first and explained why you felt mom should have a key and also made it known to mom if she has a key she’s to call before coming over to make sure it’s ok instead of barging in. i get a emergency but still.. your other reasoning sucks. yta	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	0.016	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: situation i (m34) recently bought a one-story house. note that it was purchased solely by me, my wife did not help save for it (i started saving for it before i even met here) and it's in my name. when my parents threw us a party for this happy ocassion, mom asked for a copy of the key in case of an emergency. i let her have it which made my wife upset. she didn't say anything at the time but she waited til we were alone and started arguing with me saying i shouldn't have let my mother have a copy of the key. i said "why?!" since my mother is known to respect privacy and is a very trusted member in the family. she said that she does not feel "comfortable" with the idea of someone else, who's not a resident to have a copy of the key. she also brought up how my mother didn't pay a penny towards the house so this should "disqualify her" from getting the key. i said it was not a big deal but she kept presisting saying i need to take the key back. quite frankly, this had me fuming. i pointed out that i'm the one who bought the house and it's my decision to decide who gets to have a copy of the key end of story. she screamed at me saying that "technically" she did contribute towards the house savings back when she used to pay for our rent and daily expenses while i saved money. i told her that she was acting as if i put my mom's name on the title which's ridiculous but she said that i have no respect for her opiniins and keep undermining her input. we've been going back and forth on it since then. she's now "letting me know" that if i don't take the key back then she'll do it herself. i think she's being irrational and unreasonable acting like that over a copy of the house key. this decision i made could save us in case of an emergency but she kept downplaying it. e.t.a i think it's crucial to mention that there's no conflict between my mother and my wife. they're on near perfect terms, alright? i thought that i've already established that above.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> situation i (m34) recently bought a one-story house. note that it was purchased solely by me, my wife did not help save for it (i started saving for it before i even met here) and it's in my name. when my parents threw us a party for this happy ocassion, mom asked for a copy of the key in case of an emergency. i let her have it which made my wife upset. she didn't say anything at the time but she waited til we were alone and started arguing with me saying i shouldn't have let my mother have a copy of the key. i said "why?!" since my mother is known to respect privacy and is a very trusted member in the family. she said that she does not feel "comfortable" with the idea of someone else, who's not a resident to have a copy of the key. she also brought up how my mother didn't pay a penny towards the house so this should "disqualify her" from getting the key. i said it was not a big deal but she kept presisting saying i need to take the key back. quite frankly, this had me fuming. i pointed out that i'm the one who bought the house and it's my decision to decide who gets to have a copy of the key end of story. she screamed at me saying that "technically" she did contribute towards the house savings back when she used to pay for our rent and daily expenses while i saved money. i told her that she was acting as if i put my mom's name on the title which's ridiculous but she said that i have no respect for her opiniins and keep undermining her input. we've been going back and forth on it since then. she's now "letting me know" that if i don't take the key back then she'll do it herself. i think she's being irrational and unreasonable acting like that over a copy of the house key. this decision i made could save us in case of an emergency but she kept downplaying it. e.t.a i think it's crucial to mention that there's no conflict between my mother and my wife. they're on near perfect terms, alright? i thought that i've already established that above. [/INST] yta and that is why you can't trust no one when it comes to money. you played your wife. you probably told her you would save for a shared home and thats why she should support you and pay your share of the rent. now "she didnt contribute a penny" to your house. your house. she gets no say. but you mom does- lol yta- you are an ahole. </s>
AITA for asking my son to put something on when he's in his room?	my son (24) moved back in with me and his stepmom after he graduated college. he's struggling to find a job but it's not like he has to worry about rent or utilities like in the past so he has plenty of time. i have to say that i'm lucky that my son has a decent relationship with his stepmom. she is like a second mother to him and they rarely ever fight. so recently, my wife started complaining about walking into my son's room and finding him completely naked. she said it happened several times while she was going in to vaccum or grab laundry. i asked if she knocked and she said she did but everytime would get no answer so she would think he was out and then she enters the room and finds him like this. i spoke to my son about this and he denied hearing any knocks on the door, i said well this might be a simple case of miscummunication and my wife got extremely uncomfortable so to avoid this and prevent it, he simply has to put something on like shorts at least. he laughed and said hello?? this is my room. but i told him this is mine and his stepmom's house. there was some silence then he said no to my request. i had an argument with him and he told me instead of scolding him and telling him how to act or what to wear in his own private space, i should tell my wife to stop barging in but i don't think she has been barging in and besides, she was just helping by offering to clean his room and gather his laundry and this is how he repays her?. he gave a halfhearted sorry but still refused to accept to do what i asked and suggested that my wife stop coming in but i know my wife, she has to always make sure every single part of the house is clean and he knows that yet called her clean freak which i didn't appreciate very much. we'd gone back and forth on this and so far haven't reached a solution. he says i'm being unreasonable with my request and trying to control his movement and restrict it. i think my request was simple besides that we're in the winter so i don't get the point of not putting on clothes even in his room.	4,317	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sunbk0/aita_for_asking_my_son_to_put_something_on_when/	2022-02-17 12:08:14	yta. your son is 24. he is a grown man. your wife has no right to just go into his room and violate his privacy. there is no need for her to snoop with the excuse of "cleaning". it being your house doesn't give you the right to forcibly change your sons behaviour because you don't think a grown man is entitled to privacy. seriously, why is his stepmother doing laundry and cleaning his room? he can do it himself.	yta. your wife needs to start respecting your son's personal space. there's no reason for her to keep going into a grown mans room without his consent. i'm sure your son can pick up his own dirty laundry.	whilst it is your house, maybe the simplest solution would be for your wife to never go in his room? if your son must be naked, his room is the place for this. however, this will mean your son taking on all cleaning and maintenance responsibilities for his room. nah here, you all just need to find a solution that works for everyone	info: why is your wife cleaning your adult son’s room?he can vacuum and do his own laundry. this sounds like a plot to a weird step-mom/son porno.	he’s 24. stop treating him like a baby. he can clean his own room and wash his own clothes. yta	hold on... i'm not sure why so many people are voting you as the a** this is ridiculous! nta 1. it is your house, he lives there rent-free, he should extend basic courtesies to you and your wife. put your foot down and tell him he is not allowed to ever insult your wife in your house. 2. "he keeps trashing his room"?! 🛑 🛑 🛑. no just no. if he wants to live there he needs to maintain a hygienic room, that should not be negotiable. for those people who are saying she shouldn't go inside she shouldn't look at it, it's her house and she absolutely has the right to want every room in her house to be clean. and if he's trashing it chances are he's leaving behind food garbage which could ultimately attract bugs which nobody wants in their house. 3. he is lucky she is willing to clean! most moms and stepmoms stop cleaning up after their kids when they are teenagers, it is not a unique request to want a tidy room from your children, the fact that he's a full-grown adult at 24 and can't accomplish this screams issue!! he isn't working therefore he has plenty of time to clean up after himself. what is the issue? 4. this family has two options:. option one is that your son cleans up after himself in a manner that sufficient to both you and your wife, then your wife does not need to go into the room and your son can be nude whenever he wants, option two is that your son puts on clothes and graciously appreciates the help that his stepmom extends by going into vacuum and wash his clothes. you have bigger issues than what it seems like on the surface, what you have is a spoiled, non-functioning adult as a son. what is he doing with all of his time that he can't clean his own room and lashes out at others for trying to keep a clean house?	info: why doesn't he just do this stuff by himself? seems like the easiest solution.	esh. you for trying to tell him what he can do when he's in his room (as long as it's not illegal, you don't get to tell him what to do). your wife for going into his room without being invited and treating your son like a child. your son for not cleaning his room himself or doing his own laundry. he's 24, not a child.	yta and so is your wife. she has zero reason to barge into his room.	i can never understand the "it's my house my rules reeeee!" folks, for goodness sakes, home ownership doesn't make you a dictator lmao smh. yes it's your house, as in you own it, but it's also his home at the moment, and an adult can be nude in their own room. it's honestly weird that your wife is going into his room at all, in fact if i was him i'd be suspicious that she's trying to snoop, or has taken a fancy to what she's seen and is finding an excuse to see more lmao yta, get your son a lock for his door and stop your wife from exposing herself to your sons nude body.	YTA	YTA	NAH	INFO	YTA	NTA	INFO	ESH	YTA	YTA	0.252	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son (24) moved back in with me and his stepmom after he graduated college. he's struggling to find a job but it's not like he has to worry about rent or utilities like in the past so he has plenty of time. i have to say that i'm lucky that my son has a decent relationship with his stepmom. she is like a second mother to him and they rarely ever fight. so recently, my wife started complaining about walking into my son's room and finding him completely naked. she said it happened several times while she was going in to vaccum or grab laundry. i asked if she knocked and she said she did but everytime would get no answer so she would think he was out and then she enters the room and finds him like this. i spoke to my son about this and he denied hearing any knocks on the door, i said well this might be a simple case of miscummunication and my wife got extremely uncomfortable so to avoid this and prevent it, he simply has to put something on like shorts at least. he laughed and said hello?? this is my room. but i told him this is mine and his stepmom's house. there was some silence then he said no to my request. i had an argument with him and he told me instead of scolding him and telling him how to act or what to wear in his own private space, i should tell my wife to stop barging in but i don't think she has been barging in and besides, she was just helping by offering to clean his room and gather his laundry and this is how he repays her?. he gave a halfhearted sorry but still refused to accept to do what i asked and suggested that my wife stop coming in but i know my wife, she has to always make sure every single part of the house is clean and he knows that yet called her clean freak which i didn't appreciate very much. we'd gone back and forth on this and so far haven't reached a solution. he says i'm being unreasonable with my request and trying to control his movement and restrict it. i think my request was simple besides that we're in the winter so i don't get the point of not putting on clothes even in his room.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my son (24) moved back in with me and his stepmom after he graduated college. he's struggling to find a job but it's not like he has to worry about rent or utilities like in the past so he has plenty of time. i have to say that i'm lucky that my son has a decent relationship with his stepmom. she is like a second mother to him and they rarely ever fight. so recently, my wife started complaining about walking into my son's room and finding him completely naked. she said it happened several times while she was going in to vaccum or grab laundry. i asked if she knocked and she said she did but everytime would get no answer so she would think he was out and then she enters the room and finds him like this. i spoke to my son about this and he denied hearing any knocks on the door, i said well this might be a simple case of miscummunication and my wife got extremely uncomfortable so to avoid this and prevent it, he simply has to put something on like shorts at least. he laughed and said hello?? this is my room. but i told him this is mine and his stepmom's house. there was some silence then he said no to my request. i had an argument with him and he told me instead of scolding him and telling him how to act or what to wear in his own private space, i should tell my wife to stop barging in but i don't think she has been barging in and besides, she was just helping by offering to clean his room and gather his laundry and this is how he repays her?. he gave a halfhearted sorry but still refused to accept to do what i asked and suggested that my wife stop coming in but i know my wife, she has to always make sure every single part of the house is clean and he knows that yet called her clean freak which i didn't appreciate very much. we'd gone back and forth on this and so far haven't reached a solution. he says i'm being unreasonable with my request and trying to control his movement and restrict it. i think my request was simple besides that we're in the winter so i don't get the point of not putting on clothes even in his room. [/INST] yta. your son is 24. he is a grown man. your wife has no right to just go into his room and violate his privacy. there is no need for her to snoop with the excuse of "cleaning". it being your house doesn't give you the right to forcibly change your sons behaviour because you don't think a grown man is entitled to privacy. seriously, why is his stepmother doing laundry and cleaning his room? he can do it himself. </s>
AITA for walking out after being told one kid was autistic and another kid had a deathly food allergy	i (f16) babysit on weekends for some extra money. i used to babysit for this one lady, diana, and her 2 kids (1f and 4m) every day over the summer while diana worked. diana texted me last week and asked if she can give her friend, jennifer, who has 2 kids (6m and 4f), my number because it was her husband’s birthday and they wanted to go out. i said sure and jennifer texted me asking about my rates, references, when i was trained in cpr, and a lot of other questions. ngl it felt kinda weird to me but some people are overprotective so i went with it. yesterday i got to their house and they left money for us to order food and right before they walked out the door, jennifer handed me an epipen and said “6m is deathly allergic to peanuts and 4f is autistic and has sensory issues so get her some chicken nuggets.” it took a second for me to process that but i gave back the epipen and said “i’m sorry but i’m not equipped to take care of your kids.” and i left. well, jennifer is mad that i “ruined their night” and has been talking shit about me to diana but once diana heard the real story she apologized and said she’d talk to jennifer. aita for walking out of a babysitting job when i learned one kid has a deathly allergy and the other kid was autistic	20,495	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lzsbi2/aita_for_walking_out_after_being_told_one_kid_was/	2021-03-07 15:03:13	nta jennifer should have supplied this info well before the point she did. you were well within your rights to refuse the job if you did not feel able to cope with the needs of the children. their safety is paramount and that's what you were doing. she made this bed for herself, obviously trying to slip it in at the last minute to try to avoid a possible 'no' from you earlier.	here we see the classic bait-and-switch by jennifer. you don't just tell a caretaker, as you're running out the door, that your kids have additional needs/medical conditions. nta good on you op for stating limitations and not going along with this!	nta. you don't get to just "spring" autism and severe food allergies onto someone. i honestly wouldn't be surprised if they've had multiple attempted sitters before that bailed, so they wanted try and trap you as they walked out the door.	nta the mother should have let you know beforehand. what if her child had an allergic reaction and you didn’t know how to use an epipen?	nta... i often keep a bag of nuts or pb granola bars in my bag just incase. what if op had done that since she wasn't warned about the allergy! also, wtf is with the "oh here is an epipen" thing... like i get that they re designed to be fairly user friendly, but administering life-saving medecine to a panicking six year old is...not something i ever want to experience.	nta. it’s important to know your own limits. good for you for being able to identify and state this at your age. while she was asking you so many questions, she should have also asked about your experience with special needs children. these are things she should have disclosed ahead of time, she probably didn’t because she was in a pinch and just wanted a sitter.	nta. you don’t drop major medical information like that on a caregiver, especially a 16 year old, at the last minute and walk out the door. it was extremely unfair to you. like you said, you didn’t have the skills to handle children with those conditions and, if you were, would probably deserve a higher rate. what the mother did was not only unfair to you, but cruel and manipulative as well. she tried to ambush you with the information that her children had special needs and assumed you would be so gobstopped that you would just let her walk out and enjoy her night. i have a suspicion (based only off your story) that she has had trouble getting babysitters for her children before because of their conditions, or have had to pay more than she wanted to for the same reason, and decided to keep it a secret until the last minute to avoid the problems she has had in the past. the problem is she chose a horrible way to handle it. a suggestion: tell your story to your friends who babysit so she can’t pull this stunt on anyone else.	nta. obviously the parents, who are familiar with their children's issues, and who no doubt love their kids, felt neither issue would actually be a problem. however they prevented you from making an informed decision regarding taking the job. had they given you the information up front, you wouldn't have walked out at the last minute, you would have either backed out in time for them to find an alternative or you would have been able to ask questions and prepare yourself	nta! as a autistic person, this was extremely manipulative behavior on behalf of the parent and should never be accepted by a babysitter; things like disabilities and deathly allergies should always be discussed with someone overseeing a child. what she did was try and play on a fellow child's emotions and potentially threatening the emotions/physical being of both her kids by putting someone inexperienced in chart of them, you did the right thing and everyone should do this.	nta, the fact she didn’t tell you until she was leaving to me indicates she knew it might either be 1. a deal breaker 2. increase your rates even if it was an honest mistake, you did not feel equipped to look after them with the 5 seconds you had to process this information. if you don’t feel equipped / comfortable watching them, then you absolutely shouldn’t. jennifer is ta for not disclosing, i’m glad diana had your back here, often times with these stories that’s not the case.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f16) babysit on weekends for some extra money. i used to babysit for this one lady, diana, and her 2 kids (1f and 4m) every day over the summer while diana worked. diana texted me last week and asked if she can give her friend, jennifer, who has 2 kids (6m and 4f), my number because it was her husband’s birthday and they wanted to go out. i said sure and jennifer texted me asking about my rates, references, when i was trained in cpr, and a lot of other questions. ngl it felt kinda weird to me but some people are overprotective so i went with it. yesterday i got to their house and they left money for us to order food and right before they walked out the door, jennifer handed me an epipen and said “6m is deathly allergic to peanuts and 4f is autistic and has sensory issues so get her some chicken nuggets.” it took a second for me to process that but i gave back the epipen and said “i’m sorry but i’m not equipped to take care of your kids.” and i left. well, jennifer is mad that i “ruined their night” and has been talking shit about me to diana but once diana heard the real story she apologized and said she’d talk to jennifer. aita for walking out of a babysitting job when i learned one kid has a deathly allergy and the other kid was autistic	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (f16) babysit on weekends for some extra money. i used to babysit for this one lady, diana, and her 2 kids (1f and 4m) every day over the summer while diana worked. diana texted me last week and asked if she can give her friend, jennifer, who has 2 kids (6m and 4f), my number because it was her husband’s birthday and they wanted to go out. i said sure and jennifer texted me asking about my rates, references, when i was trained in cpr, and a lot of other questions. ngl it felt kinda weird to me but some people are overprotective so i went with it. yesterday i got to their house and they left money for us to order food and right before they walked out the door, jennifer handed me an epipen and said “6m is deathly allergic to peanuts and 4f is autistic and has sensory issues so get her some chicken nuggets.” it took a second for me to process that but i gave back the epipen and said “i’m sorry but i’m not equipped to take care of your kids.” and i left. well, jennifer is mad that i “ruined their night” and has been talking shit about me to diana but once diana heard the real story she apologized and said she’d talk to jennifer. aita for walking out of a babysitting job when i learned one kid has a deathly allergy and the other kid was autistic [/INST] nta jennifer should have supplied this info well before the point she did. you were well within your rights to refuse the job if you did not feel able to cope with the needs of the children. their safety is paramount and that's what you were doing. she made this bed for herself, obviously trying to slip it in at the last minute to try to avoid a possible 'no' from you earlier. </s>
AITA for refusing to cook for my teenage kids?	i am a single mom to my two kids jenny (15) and mark (17). they are good kids and i love them to death but they have both adopted very specific diets. it started with mark getting into weight lifting/body building last year. he is on a “cut” right now and is dieting like crazy. he gave me a list of approved foods for his diet and its basically just chicken, broccoli, brown rice, tuna, lentils, potatoes. there a couple more veggies that i’m “allowed” to cook with but that’s basically it. mark was a really chubby kid and i know the body building was a huge turning point for him so i want to support him. i was cooking two meals for the family every night, one for him and one for jenny and i. it was a bit stressful but i was managing. about a month ago jenny told me she was going vegan. this is something she wants to do for ethical and environmental reasons and i support her. she gave me a book of vegan recipes to use. making a full vegan meal for one kid and a “body building” meal for the other takes 2 hours minimum if you include planning, prep, cooking and cleaning. the ingredients for these diets are pricey so our grocery bills have skyrocketed. marks hates spice, jenny loves spice. jenny hates lentils and broccoli so i can’t even try to combines some of their meals both kids hate cooking and refuse to help. they make their own breakfast but not lunch so i have to portion their dinners so they can bring leftovers. yesterday i was just exhausted and just didn’t want to cook. i told the kids to order takeout when i went to take a nap. well i woke up from my nap to two pissed off kids. both of them were giving me shit for not cooking; mark bitching takeout food is too greasy, jenny bitching there weren’t any vegan restaurants in our area. something inside me broke. i just started crying and told them both they were on their own from now on. i would buy the groceries but i wasn’t cooking another damn meal. jenny called me a shit mom and ran off to her room and mark just rolled his eyes at me. neither kid is talking to me right now and i just feel like shit. i wanna support my kids in whatever they do. at the same time, i just can’t cook anymore. my whole life is just work, cook, sleep. am i an asshole? are my kids right, am i a shit mom? tldr: both my kids have specific diets and want me to cook for them. i am tired of it and am going on a cooking strike.	18,504	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hoaavw/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_for_my_teenage_kids/	2020-07-09 20:09:13	nta. you’re not a bad mom, you’re tired and overwhelmed! could you take time to work with both jenny and mark on how to cook? even teach them to meal prep, so they only have to cook one day per week? i see you say they don’t like to cook - and i get that, but at their ages i think it’s reasonable to expect them to learn how to cook some things.	nta 15 and 17 are old enough to cook for themselves. especially if you’re buying the food. if your kids can make you lists of approved foods you’re ‘allowed’ to cook they can look up recipes.	nta, the sheer entitlement coming from these kids is appalling. maybe they've just gotten used to walking over you and you doing everything for them that they're shocked that you're actually standing up for yourself. i mean giving you lists and recipes of "allowed" foods? "refusing" to help? it's a truly astounding amount of disrespect towards you and a complete lack of responsibility for themselves. also if they don't know how to cook for themselves what are they gonna do when they move out? good on you for sticking up for yourself. keep it up, you deserve better treatment from your children (as in for them to treat you like a mother and not a servant).	you are not the asshole. nta that said... i can see that from your kids’ perspective this might have come a bit out of the blue if they have been able to get away with not being involved with cooking so far in life. this doesn’t make you the asshole. i’d suggest pitching some kind of family conference where you explore ways of getting them to understand how much additional work their new diets are creating, and how the only person that negatively impacts on is you. maybe try to pitch it in terms of the things that have driven them to adopt these diets. to your son, perhaps something along the lines of ‘a strong man doesn’t just lift iron, he carries the weight of his own decisions.’ if he wouldn’t expect you to carry his weights to the gym for him, he shouldn’t expect you to carry the weight of his new diet. to your daughter ‘an ethical diet that is only achieved by creating a burden for another person, is not truly ethical.’ what she is doing is relieving her conscience of a burden by heaping work on your shoulders. it might be worth giving them some time to sit with those thoughts before you then try to plot a route forward. ideally have a friend ready to whisk you away for an appropriately socially distanced meal outside the home if possible.	nta. your kids have selected unusual diets, and it's wrong for them to assume you will cater to their every whim. guess they both better learn how to cook for themselves...	i’ve a husband and two sons. i’ll cook one meal. i’m not a short order cook. if they want something other than what i’m making they can make it themselves. nta	nta buy them each an instapot and hand the vegan recipe book back to your daughter. my kids are 3, 5, and 10 and know that i am not a short order cook. as they get older, i'll support them with the lifestyle decisions they make and teach them how to cook for themselves (and clean up after themselves), but im not going to be a slave to my kitchen just because they've decided to restrict their diets.	nta - you're willing to buy groceries and they're old enough to learn to cook if they're going to have very specific diets that aren't medically necessary for them. if you were refusing to accommodate a child having a food allergy that would be one thing but your teens have just gone ultra picky. if they want to eat that way, fine, but it's unreasonable to expect you to make two or three separate meals every time you cook to accommodate their new diet choices.	nta - they’re both well old enough to cook for themselves. if they want to follow strict dietary demands they both need to be helping cook every night at the bare minimum.	nta. especially your son's diet is madly restrictive. vegan doesn't seem so hard - then again, i don't eat dairy so for me it's just a matter of leaving out eggs and meat. ('vegan body building meal plan' gets a ton of hits on google - maybe your kids can alternate the days on which they cook something both of them can eat.)	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a single mom to my two kids jenny (15) and mark (17). they are good kids and i love them to death but they have both adopted very specific diets. it started with mark getting into weight lifting/body building last year. he is on a “cut” right now and is dieting like crazy. he gave me a list of approved foods for his diet and its basically just chicken, broccoli, brown rice, tuna, lentils, potatoes. there a couple more veggies that i’m “allowed” to cook with but that’s basically it. mark was a really chubby kid and i know the body building was a huge turning point for him so i want to support him. i was cooking two meals for the family every night, one for him and one for jenny and i. it was a bit stressful but i was managing. about a month ago jenny told me she was going vegan. this is something she wants to do for ethical and environmental reasons and i support her. she gave me a book of vegan recipes to use. making a full vegan meal for one kid and a “body building” meal for the other takes 2 hours minimum if you include planning, prep, cooking and cleaning. the ingredients for these diets are pricey so our grocery bills have skyrocketed. marks hates spice, jenny loves spice. jenny hates lentils and broccoli so i can’t even try to combines some of their meals both kids hate cooking and refuse to help. they make their own breakfast but not lunch so i have to portion their dinners so they can bring leftovers. yesterday i was just exhausted and just didn’t want to cook. i told the kids to order takeout when i went to take a nap. well i woke up from my nap to two pissed off kids. both of them were giving me shit for not cooking; mark bitching takeout food is too greasy, jenny bitching there weren’t any vegan restaurants in our area. something inside me broke. i just started crying and told them both they were on their own from now on. i would buy the groceries but i wasn’t cooking another damn meal. jenny called me a shit mom and ran off to her room and mark just rolled his eyes at me. neither kid is talking to me right now and i just feel like shit. i wanna support my kids in whatever they do. at the same time, i just can’t cook anymore. my whole life is just work, cook, sleep. am i an asshole? are my kids right, am i a shit mom? tldr: both my kids have specific diets and want me to cook for them. i am tired of it and am going on a cooking strike.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am a single mom to my two kids jenny (15) and mark (17). they are good kids and i love them to death but they have both adopted very specific diets. it started with mark getting into weight lifting/body building last year. he is on a “cut” right now and is dieting like crazy. he gave me a list of approved foods for his diet and its basically just chicken, broccoli, brown rice, tuna, lentils, potatoes. there a couple more veggies that i’m “allowed” to cook with but that’s basically it. mark was a really chubby kid and i know the body building was a huge turning point for him so i want to support him. i was cooking two meals for the family every night, one for him and one for jenny and i. it was a bit stressful but i was managing. about a month ago jenny told me she was going vegan. this is something she wants to do for ethical and environmental reasons and i support her. she gave me a book of vegan recipes to use. making a full vegan meal for one kid and a “body building” meal for the other takes 2 hours minimum if you include planning, prep, cooking and cleaning. the ingredients for these diets are pricey so our grocery bills have skyrocketed. marks hates spice, jenny loves spice. jenny hates lentils and broccoli so i can’t even try to combines some of their meals both kids hate cooking and refuse to help. they make their own breakfast but not lunch so i have to portion their dinners so they can bring leftovers. yesterday i was just exhausted and just didn’t want to cook. i told the kids to order takeout when i went to take a nap. well i woke up from my nap to two pissed off kids. both of them were giving me shit for not cooking; mark bitching takeout food is too greasy, jenny bitching there weren’t any vegan restaurants in our area. something inside me broke. i just started crying and told them both they were on their own from now on. i would buy the groceries but i wasn’t cooking another damn meal. jenny called me a shit mom and ran off to her room and mark just rolled his eyes at me. neither kid is talking to me right now and i just feel like shit. i wanna support my kids in whatever they do. at the same time, i just can’t cook anymore. my whole life is just work, cook, sleep. am i an asshole? are my kids right, am i a shit mom? tldr: both my kids have specific diets and want me to cook for them. i am tired of it and am going on a cooking strike. [/INST] nta. you’re not a bad mom, you’re tired and overwhelmed! could you take time to work with both jenny and mark on how to cook? even teach them to meal prep, so they only have to cook one day per week? i see you say they don’t like to cook - and i get that, but at their ages i think it’s reasonable to expect them to learn how to cook some things. </s>
AITA for telling my friend to stop referring to my son by full time?	we call my son benji. his full name is benjamin. my friend came over for a visit and my son (18months) was ignoring her. she went and crouched down in front of him and waved and he just walked away from her. she started to laugh and just said" i can't believe you benjamin." i said we call him benji in the house you know that. so he eventually warmed up to her and she was calling him benji like shes supposed to and they were having a blast playing when my son suddenly took all the cars and ran behind the couch. she did that "gasping" again and said "benjamin how could you?" my son thought it was funny and thought nothing of it but i was really annoyed because i already asked her not to call him that. i flatly said stop calling him that. she mumbled a sorry then suddenly shehad to go. i told her that we were ok she didn't have to leave, but she said "something came up " but i've known her so long i knew she was lying then she akwardly left. my husband said i'm ta but i think i was i was just standing my ground. **eta i don't like him called benjamin because it's a family name that my husband insisted on that i'm not fond of . eta...ok....i get it. i'm wrong. please stop messaging me calling me stupid. my husband did not bully me into the name. was the name of a family member that he was close to that had a tragic death. it was to pay tribute and i was ok with it im still not fond of it.	4,385	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yw4agg/aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop_referring_to/	2022-11-15 17:43:29	yta what a stupid thing to be mad about. why name your kid benjamin and then forbid people from calling him that?	yta idk what to say, be normal	yta. why did you name him benjamin if you never wanted anyone to call him that under any circumstances whatsoever? if he has a problem with it or preference when he’s old enough to express one for himself, he can express it then, and you can step in if your friend refuses to adapt. but right now, he doesn’t care, so i’m more than a little baffled why you do.	yta. she is jokingly calling him by his first name when he did something that would be considered rude if a teenager did it. did your parents never call you by your full name or first and middle name when you did something rude or weren't listening?	yta if you wanted your child exclusively called benji. you shouldn’t have named him benjamin. your friend was literally addressing your child by his name. it wasn’t like she decided he looked more like a jason and started calling him jason.	yta. his name is benjamin. his nickname is benji. people are going to call him by both names his entire life. you need to get over it.	i often see these scenarios where parents don't want their kids' names shortened into nicknames. i can't wrap my head around why you wouldn't want your kid to be called by the name you gave him at birth. very odd. &#x200b; yta	better get ready to be shocked and infuriated every time someone sees your son's name...and calls him by his name...for the rest of his life. yta	info: why did you name your child benjamin if you do not want him to be called that?	why even name him benjamin if you don't like it? how old are you? you seem too childish to even have a child. yta!	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we call my son benji. his full name is benjamin. my friend came over for a visit and my son (18months) was ignoring her. she went and crouched down in front of him and waved and he just walked away from her. she started to laugh and just said" i can't believe you benjamin." i said we call him benji in the house you know that. so he eventually warmed up to her and she was calling him benji like shes supposed to and they were having a blast playing when my son suddenly took all the cars and ran behind the couch. she did that "gasping" again and said "benjamin how could you?" my son thought it was funny and thought nothing of it but i was really annoyed because i already asked her not to call him that. i flatly said stop calling him that. she mumbled a sorry then suddenly shehad to go. i told her that we were ok she didn't have to leave, but she said "something came up " but i've known her so long i knew she was lying then she akwardly left. my husband said i'm ta but i think i was i was just standing my ground. **eta i don't like him called benjamin because it's a family name that my husband insisted on that i'm not fond of . eta...ok....i get it. i'm wrong. please stop messaging me calling me stupid. my husband did not bully me into the name. was the name of a family member that he was close to that had a tragic death. it was to pay tribute and i was ok with it im still not fond of it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> we call my son benji. his full name is benjamin. my friend came over for a visit and my son (18months) was ignoring her. she went and crouched down in front of him and waved and he just walked away from her. she started to laugh and just said" i can't believe you benjamin." i said we call him benji in the house you know that. so he eventually warmed up to her and she was calling him benji like shes supposed to and they were having a blast playing when my son suddenly took all the cars and ran behind the couch. she did that "gasping" again and said "benjamin how could you?" my son thought it was funny and thought nothing of it but i was really annoyed because i already asked her not to call him that. i flatly said stop calling him that. she mumbled a sorry then suddenly shehad to go. i told her that we were ok she didn't have to leave, but she said "something came up " but i've known her so long i knew she was lying then she akwardly left. my husband said i'm ta but i think i was i was just standing my ground. **eta i don't like him called benjamin because it's a family name that my husband insisted on that i'm not fond of . eta...ok....i get it. i'm wrong. please stop messaging me calling me stupid. my husband did not bully me into the name. was the name of a family member that he was close to that had a tragic death. it was to pay tribute and i was ok with it im still not fond of it. [/INST] yta what a stupid thing to be mad about. why name your kid benjamin and then forbid people from calling him that? </s>
AITA for "mansplaining" vaginas to a woman?	this happened a few months ago, but my brain won't let this one go. so i was hanging out with some friends. two guys, one woman. we're all in our early 20s and have had our fair share of romance in life. the topic of sex popped up and we start talking about some of our past experiences. one guy joked about how having sex only made his dick bigger and bigger. we all laughed and he said that he wished that's how it works. my female friend (let's call her sarah) piped up and said "yeah, for women, it's the complete opposite. the more sex you have, the bigger your labia gets and the looser you become." there were some chuckles, but then i asked her if she was serious. she said she was. now, this is a big myth. i was surprised a woman who has had some experience actually believes that. i basically told her this, and then she started getting annoyed, asking "how me and my dick knows about that". i said the same way i know anything about female anatomy- i've read up on it. the whole "women get looser" thing is something sexist dudes made up to slut-shame women. my other friends were silent on this. she then just said: "whatever, i'm not in the mood for your mansplaining." so i'm at a loss here. aita for explaining something that i feel like people should just know about?	29,538	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwxbxu/aita_for_mansplaining_vaginas_to_a_woman/	2020-06-05 04:00:42	nta. as a woman, i’m asking you to please keep telling it to the girls who don’t know. women need to understand their anatomy!! sorry, pet peeve of mine.	nta. you're right, she's not, simple as that. just because you know more about female anatomy than she does doesn't make it sexist. i always took "mansplaining" as a guy automatically assuming a woman knows less about a topic because of her gender. i've had this done to me over computers parts before, and it drove me nuts. however, you weren't assuming her knowledge based on her gender, you were correcting her on something very wrong, and as as you said, pretty sexist. i don't see anything wrong there.	nta- ignorant friend who wants to make you feel bad for knowing something about anatomy	nta thank you for trying to bust this myth.	nta. it's not mansplaining when someone is perpetuating an actually harmful and absolutely sexist myth about human anatomy. you're doing the good work.	nta. you were giving a proper explanation based on facts on a subject she didn't fully understand. she was probably just embarrassed she was wrong and tried to take it out on you.	nta she was probably embarrassed. but if what you posted is the extent of what you said you are not an asshole. slit shaming is real and very damaging.	nta "mansplaining" last i checked was supposed to be for situations where the woman in question is actually knowledgeable and being treated as ignorant because she's a woman, not situations where the woman is ignorant and doesn't want to be educated by a man.	nta- because you were right. you’re educated on the topic and offered your knowledge which is accurate. what she said is a wives tale. you were being earnest and had good intentions, and i’m sure any gynecologist would tell her that the vagina does not stretch and wear out due to sex.	nah. you aren‘t an asshole and she isn‘t an asshole, just an idiot. and you‘re right, obviously. send your friend a link to r/badwomensanatomy	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a few months ago, but my brain won't let this one go. so i was hanging out with some friends. two guys, one woman. we're all in our early 20s and have had our fair share of romance in life. the topic of sex popped up and we start talking about some of our past experiences. one guy joked about how having sex only made his dick bigger and bigger. we all laughed and he said that he wished that's how it works. my female friend (let's call her sarah) piped up and said "yeah, for women, it's the complete opposite. the more sex you have, the bigger your labia gets and the looser you become." there were some chuckles, but then i asked her if she was serious. she said she was. now, this is a big myth. i was surprised a woman who has had some experience actually believes that. i basically told her this, and then she started getting annoyed, asking "how me and my dick knows about that". i said the same way i know anything about female anatomy- i've read up on it. the whole "women get looser" thing is something sexist dudes made up to slut-shame women. my other friends were silent on this. she then just said: "whatever, i'm not in the mood for your mansplaining." so i'm at a loss here. aita for explaining something that i feel like people should just know about?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this happened a few months ago, but my brain won't let this one go. so i was hanging out with some friends. two guys, one woman. we're all in our early 20s and have had our fair share of romance in life. the topic of sex popped up and we start talking about some of our past experiences. one guy joked about how having sex only made his dick bigger and bigger. we all laughed and he said that he wished that's how it works. my female friend (let's call her sarah) piped up and said "yeah, for women, it's the complete opposite. the more sex you have, the bigger your labia gets and the looser you become." there were some chuckles, but then i asked her if she was serious. she said she was. now, this is a big myth. i was surprised a woman who has had some experience actually believes that. i basically told her this, and then she started getting annoyed, asking "how me and my dick knows about that". i said the same way i know anything about female anatomy- i've read up on it. the whole "women get looser" thing is something sexist dudes made up to slut-shame women. my other friends were silent on this. she then just said: "whatever, i'm not in the mood for your mansplaining." so i'm at a loss here. aita for explaining something that i feel like people should just know about? [/INST] nta. as a woman, i’m asking you to please keep telling it to the girls who don’t know. women need to understand their anatomy!! sorry, pet peeve of mine. </s>
AITA for serving vegan food at my wedding?	my fiance and i are getting married in june next year. we're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. we found a vegan caterer. when we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. we also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. the note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for. soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. my uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. i asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. she said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. i said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal. i explained to her that i wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means i'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) i don't want to pay for meat if i don't have to. again, i'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me. weeks went by. the only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. my vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food. i refused again. i told her that the food consists of things i know he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. i went through a list of ingredients i knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. what's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? i told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself mcdonalds and eat it at the kiddy table. now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. i told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food. i understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's one meal, that is free. aita? i don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but i also don't want to pay for meat unless i have to. again, it's one meal out of their whole life.	24,459	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k0nuyg/aita_for_serving_vegan_food_at_my_wedding/	2020-11-25 07:50:47	nta. like you said, it is one meal and it’s free. and most importantly, it is your wedding.	nta. your wedding for one thing. if people don’t want to eat vegan, they simply don’t have to eat the free meal. and this is coming from a meat eating guy	nta my cousin served vegan food at her wedding. it was delicious. your aunt is being a pain.	[deleted]	oh dear - how will i, a meat eater, ever survive without meat for less than a day? your aunt is being a big baby. can't say for sure your uncle is, since he said nothing, for all we know your aunt used him as an excuse. or maybe he's being a baby too. nta. tell her they can go to a steakhouse while the adults attend the wedding.	nta. even ron swanson would keep his mouth shut on this and just eat a paunch burger before (and after). they have no class.	nta. not even a tiny bit. it's your wedding and your choice. you've catered for those who have specific requirements so you're already doing your best. maybe he can bring a little tupperware box of ham or something to keep him from wasting away after being forced to eat one plant based (free) meal...	nta - they are being petty. let them eat meat! at home.	i went to my godson's wedding last year and it turns out his wife is vegan, so it was a vegan meal. the food was stunning and i only noticed it was vegan when people on my table started grumbling about it halfway through. the food was just so exquisite, tasty and filling. perfect choice for an autumn wedding, with seasonal veg & produce. i couldn't believe how rude some of the guests were (a) it was free (b) it was some of the most creative catering i had experienced for a while (c) they expected the bride to put up with the sight & smells of cooked meat at her own wedding???	nta if uncle is human, yta if uncle is a cat or other obligate carnivore.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiance and i are getting married in june next year. we're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. we found a vegan caterer. when we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. we also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. the note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for. soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. my uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. i asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. she said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. i said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal. i explained to her that i wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means i'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) i don't want to pay for meat if i don't have to. again, i'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me. weeks went by. the only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. my vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food. i refused again. i told her that the food consists of things i know he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. i went through a list of ingredients i knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. what's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? i told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself mcdonalds and eat it at the kiddy table. now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. i told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food. i understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's one meal, that is free. aita? i don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but i also don't want to pay for meat unless i have to. again, it's one meal out of their whole life.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my fiance and i are getting married in june next year. we're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. we found a vegan caterer. when we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. we also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. the note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for. soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. my uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. i asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. she said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. i said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal. i explained to her that i wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means i'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) i don't want to pay for meat if i don't have to. again, i'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me. weeks went by. the only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. my vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food. i refused again. i told her that the food consists of things i know he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. i went through a list of ingredients i knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. what's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? i told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself mcdonalds and eat it at the kiddy table. now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. i told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food. i understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's one meal, that is free. aita? i don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but i also don't want to pay for meat unless i have to. again, it's one meal out of their whole life. [/INST] nta. like you said, it is one meal and it’s free. and most importantly, it is your wedding. </s>
AITA for telling family that my SIL doesn’t want anymore guests and inviting them to my house instead?	my husband and i, men in our late 20′s, recently had a baby. my husband’s sister and her husband also did. there was some slight tension at the beginning of both of these pregnancies. our family knew about our journey with surrogacy. obviously everything is planned in advance, so they knew when the pregnancy would begin. when my sil and bil announced their own pregnancy about two weeks after we celebrated our successful embryo transfer, we were a little annoyed. we kept this annoyance to ourselves in order to not rock the boat, and we knew it was irrational. now that our children have been born (ours a boy, theirs a girl), we’re having two very different experiences. it feels like all my sil does is complain, especially about the barrage of guests that have come to visit them now that they’re home from the hospital. i understand that she’s recovering, but these guests aren’t requesting extravagant home-cooked meals or 10/10 hosting skills. they’re coming over to spend time with the baby. in my experiences, our guests have offered to do things for us in order to make life a little easier. they see some dirty dishes in the sink and they’ll load the dishwasher for us, they’ll take out the trash, etc. even if they didn’t do this, i still love spending time with my husband’s family. but for context, these are not overbearing, hard guests. at a little family gathering this weekend (that i’m sure my sil will complain about later), i overheard that my husband’s aunt and uncle were interesting in dropping by their house for another visit soon. i saw the look on my sil’s face, so i jumped in and said that sil is starting to feel a little overwhelmed with the visits, but that my husband and i would love to host them again. they agreed, hugged us for our generosity in opening our home to them, and moved on. my sil later pulled me aside and gave me an earful about how that wasn’t my place to step in and that i made her look bad. aita?	4,672	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xbrpga/aita_for_telling_family_that_my_sil_doesnt_want/	2022-09-11 19:44:37	yta. she is recovering from pregnancy and childbirth. you can not compare.	yta you had no right to jump in and speak for her, it was rude. especially when you don't seem close and you have no idea how she feels about visitors. also, your experience as a new parent is very different to hers. she gave birth, a massive medical procedure, you didn't. everything right now is going to by physically tough for her, especially if she is nursing. she might not be able to use the bathroom without immense pain, for example. so yeah, the burden of visits is a lot more for her then you, and someone doing the dishes isn't really going to help. it's great that you like them, but that doesn't make you better, that you can cope with them better. honestly, you sound jealous of her, and like you are making it into a competition.	yta. she pushed a baby out of her vagina. you watched your surrogate push a baby out of her vagina. these are not the same thing. she is recovering, which can take up to a year, by the way. she is likely also nursing, which of course doesn’t help and puts a lot of additional pressure on a new mother. you are presumably healthy, do not have a torn vagina, and are not lactating. you are not recovering. you are not in the same boat.	my god, your sil sounds like a saint. probably still bleeding into her adult diapers and yet still manages to host multiple sets of guests. she probably knows that she doesn't have to whip up gourmet dinners, but guests equal stress, no matter how much garbage they take out (sometimes, especially if they take out garbage). you were oit of line, you threw her under the bus, yta.	yta. the newborn stage is incredibly hard, as i’m sure you know but there are some major differences between you and your sil. you are probably not: -still bleeding a-lot (i bled for close to 6 weeks after mine) -having hormonal shifts like crazy (i’d go from feeling awesome to crying because i was in physical pain to feeling overwhelmed and couldn’t do anything right to laughing so hard i was crying to crying because i forgot to put ice in my cup) - depending on how she delivered, possible pain from stitches in her who-ha or pain from a c-section. - pain in your breast because they are engorged with milk or pain in your nipple when they baby latches on, more pain when your nipples become cracked and bleeding - not to mention hemorrhoids like you wouldn’t believe -peeing a little when you cough or sneeze or laugh too hard - having all of those “helpful guests” come over and make “helpful” comments when you are already feeling low (again, thanks hormones) -the mom guilt is a real thing. yes, you both are surviving having newborns right now but, sorry….you are no where near going through the same thing she is and are the ah because of your judgement of her. edit** spelling	“we’re having very different experiences” yeah no shit. you say that you understand she’s recovering but everything else you’ve written indicates that you don’t have a clue. yta	yta a huge one. do not compare pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum with have a surrogate. your experiences are not even close to being the same. you got to bring home a baby and take care of it. she got to experience discomfort, pain, body changes, hormonal changes, and exhaustion. not everyone can or wants to have a never ending parade of people through their home when they are recovering and dealing with all the above. you have no idea what's happening in her body and her head, yet you criticize and look down on her. why don't you offer some help instead?	yta for multiple reasons in this post. yta that their pregnancy coincidentally coinciding with your surrogacy plans annoying. yta for comparing your situation, no one in the house recovering from delivery to theirs where someone is recovering, and judging her for that. yta for speaking for her about guests, especially since your desire to do so was based on your already mentioned ah thoughts and judgments.	this seems a little strange to me. your rant about how your sister-in-law shouldn't be complaining as a new mother, or that she should enjoy having guests, or anything that you think she should do just because you had babies at the same time, makes you a total yta. if you really did just gently say that you wanted to host guests because you were trying to help your sister-in-law out, then you're nta. but that weird rant earlier makes me think that might not be exactly how this played out. let your sister-in-law handle her own life.	how. dare. you. yta.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i, men in our late 20′s, recently had a baby. my husband’s sister and her husband also did. there was some slight tension at the beginning of both of these pregnancies. our family knew about our journey with surrogacy. obviously everything is planned in advance, so they knew when the pregnancy would begin. when my sil and bil announced their own pregnancy about two weeks after we celebrated our successful embryo transfer, we were a little annoyed. we kept this annoyance to ourselves in order to not rock the boat, and we knew it was irrational. now that our children have been born (ours a boy, theirs a girl), we’re having two very different experiences. it feels like all my sil does is complain, especially about the barrage of guests that have come to visit them now that they’re home from the hospital. i understand that she’s recovering, but these guests aren’t requesting extravagant home-cooked meals or 10/10 hosting skills. they’re coming over to spend time with the baby. in my experiences, our guests have offered to do things for us in order to make life a little easier. they see some dirty dishes in the sink and they’ll load the dishwasher for us, they’ll take out the trash, etc. even if they didn’t do this, i still love spending time with my husband’s family. but for context, these are not overbearing, hard guests. at a little family gathering this weekend (that i’m sure my sil will complain about later), i overheard that my husband’s aunt and uncle were interesting in dropping by their house for another visit soon. i saw the look on my sil’s face, so i jumped in and said that sil is starting to feel a little overwhelmed with the visits, but that my husband and i would love to host them again. they agreed, hugged us for our generosity in opening our home to them, and moved on. my sil later pulled me aside and gave me an earful about how that wasn’t my place to step in and that i made her look bad. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband and i, men in our late 20′s, recently had a baby. my husband’s sister and her husband also did. there was some slight tension at the beginning of both of these pregnancies. our family knew about our journey with surrogacy. obviously everything is planned in advance, so they knew when the pregnancy would begin. when my sil and bil announced their own pregnancy about two weeks after we celebrated our successful embryo transfer, we were a little annoyed. we kept this annoyance to ourselves in order to not rock the boat, and we knew it was irrational. now that our children have been born (ours a boy, theirs a girl), we’re having two very different experiences. it feels like all my sil does is complain, especially about the barrage of guests that have come to visit them now that they’re home from the hospital. i understand that she’s recovering, but these guests aren’t requesting extravagant home-cooked meals or 10/10 hosting skills. they’re coming over to spend time with the baby. in my experiences, our guests have offered to do things for us in order to make life a little easier. they see some dirty dishes in the sink and they’ll load the dishwasher for us, they’ll take out the trash, etc. even if they didn’t do this, i still love spending time with my husband’s family. but for context, these are not overbearing, hard guests. at a little family gathering this weekend (that i’m sure my sil will complain about later), i overheard that my husband’s aunt and uncle were interesting in dropping by their house for another visit soon. i saw the look on my sil’s face, so i jumped in and said that sil is starting to feel a little overwhelmed with the visits, but that my husband and i would love to host them again. they agreed, hugged us for our generosity in opening our home to them, and moved on. my sil later pulled me aside and gave me an earful about how that wasn’t my place to step in and that i made her look bad. aita? [/INST] yta. she is recovering from pregnancy and childbirth. you can not compare. </s>
AITA For Not Driving A Girl Home, Just Because She Was Scared?	pre-qurantine! so i (26m) was going on this date. context- this girl (24f) let's call her lin, was a friend of my friend. he recommended going on a date with lin, so i said sure. on to the story- so we met at this restaurant that i had never heard of, and it was because lin lived 30 minutes from here and requested this. so lin came, and she was gorgeous, we chatted, and she told me she walked here, since she didn't want to waste gas on a car. i didn't really mind and the convo went on. me and lin really did hit it off, and we talked for an hour, went for a movie (that was 10 minutes from the restaurant) , talked more, had fun and i actually had hope in this date. so then we had to part, and i assumed lin would walk home, but she asked me if i could drive her home, since it was night and she never expected the date to go for so long and that she doesn't want to walk this night. i didn't want to waste gas, plus i felt like she was just using me for my car so i politely declined. she asked one more time because she didn't want to walk home at this time, because a few guys always walked around her neighbourhood at this time. i told her i couldn't, and she accepted it, glared at me, before leaving. the next day, i asked her if she made it home safe. she replied a few hours later with: 'if you call getting catcalled safe, then yes i was safe!' and then blocked me on all social media. i made another account but she told me that it didn't work out, and blocked me again. i was devastated, since i thought this would work. i can't help but think i was in the wrong. i did have lowish gas, and nothing really bad did happen to her, and if she didn't want the possibility of walking home, she could have got a car/uber. aita? {update} so i understand i'm the asshole. so a few hours after i posted this, she unblocked me, texted me the link to this (probably found it), and gave me judgement, and told me i'm dense (i realise that) my friend called me and told me to apologize, i apologized, but there's no second date, and we both went out ways. that's that 😔	6,335	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8cba0/aita_for_not_driving_a_girl_home_just_because_she/	2020-06-13 18:00:23	yta a gentleman makes sure a lady gets home safely and especially from a date. you just showed her that the dollar on gas you saved was more important than her potential safety.	yta a 30 minute walk is a 7 minute drive, at most. if you can't spare that much time or money on gas for her safety, you shouldn't be dating anyone.	yta. she admitted she was scared. i mean that’s really more than enough, no? if someone is reiterating they’re scared to walk home that late, yes it’s your judgement call to not drive her home but you could’ve said ok i’ll walk you home and then walk back to me car etc. it seems clear the date wasn’t initially going to last as long as it did so she didn’t realize how late she’s have to walk home. as a woman myself, walking home at night can be very scary. not surprised she has no interest in communicating with you, you also gave off the impression you weren’t into her given you weren’t wanting to drive her home. getting cat called is bad and scary. you might not get it as a man but women do not find cat calling fun. there are many accounts of women who have gotten attacked esp at night when they ignored a cat call.	yta. i’m glad she made the decision to block you and not go for another date. just to give some perspective, you’re devastated because she blocked you. imagine if you sent that text and the answer never came. then you see her face on the news because she was murdered. how fucking devastated would you be then? just have some compassion and give the girl a ride next time.	yta. you think she was using you for your car?! you think she had a movie date after the dinner so she would be further away from home planned or something? it's in your title that she was scared! she was so right to block you, talk about a dick move.	[removed]	yta at worst - and i mean worst - you drive her home and she says 'hey. i'm not into you at all. piss off. kthanksbye.'. you are no worse off most likely is 'thanks i had a great time tonight'. and set up to go out again. that's a good first date. or - she invites you inside to hang out and stuff. that's a great first date!!! you didn't do this small kindness, and by thinking the very worst of someone, nuked all chance for a meaningful relationship. and cockblocked yourself.	yta. she didn’t feel safe walking home she wasn’t using you! the majority of women i know, myself included, don’t feel safe walking alone at night. the fact you thought she was using you for your car speaks volumes about who you are and your perception. she did the right thing blocking you, you just don’t get it.	yta. you showed her who you are on your first date. she chose not to waste her time. do better if you want to get past the first date.	the girl you were on a date with, a date that went really well, asked you if you could please drive her home. after all the date went well, and longer than expected and she didn't have a ride. you, instead of asking if she would be willing to throw in some gas money, said 'sorry, can't. have a safe walk home in the dark all on your own.' your date clearly felt safe enough with you, to be alone with a basic stranger in their car, to ask if you could drop her home. i once had to walk to the bank. it was 4am and i needed to get money (something to do with a company trying to take extra money). my partner said to me 'you can go, don't be so scared of the dark.' it was not the dark i feared, for most women it is what, or who, is in the dark and what could happen to us. there is always an extra element of danger when you are a woman walking alone. i would be anxious, worried, on high alert, and would feel so vulnerable. you are not obliged to drive your date home, but you could have helped, even if you waited with her while she called a friend.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: pre-qurantine! so i (26m) was going on this date. context- this girl (24f) let's call her lin, was a friend of my friend. he recommended going on a date with lin, so i said sure. on to the story- so we met at this restaurant that i had never heard of, and it was because lin lived 30 minutes from here and requested this. so lin came, and she was gorgeous, we chatted, and she told me she walked here, since she didn't want to waste gas on a car. i didn't really mind and the convo went on. me and lin really did hit it off, and we talked for an hour, went for a movie (that was 10 minutes from the restaurant) , talked more, had fun and i actually had hope in this date. so then we had to part, and i assumed lin would walk home, but she asked me if i could drive her home, since it was night and she never expected the date to go for so long and that she doesn't want to walk this night. i didn't want to waste gas, plus i felt like she was just using me for my car so i politely declined. she asked one more time because she didn't want to walk home at this time, because a few guys always walked around her neighbourhood at this time. i told her i couldn't, and she accepted it, glared at me, before leaving. the next day, i asked her if she made it home safe. she replied a few hours later with: 'if you call getting catcalled safe, then yes i was safe!' and then blocked me on all social media. i made another account but she told me that it didn't work out, and blocked me again. i was devastated, since i thought this would work. i can't help but think i was in the wrong. i did have lowish gas, and nothing really bad did happen to her, and if she didn't want the possibility of walking home, she could have got a car/uber. aita? {update} so i understand i'm the asshole. so a few hours after i posted this, she unblocked me, texted me the link to this (probably found it), and gave me judgement, and told me i'm dense (i realise that) my friend called me and told me to apologize, i apologized, but there's no second date, and we both went out ways. that's that 😔	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> pre-qurantine! so i (26m) was going on this date. context- this girl (24f) let's call her lin, was a friend of my friend. he recommended going on a date with lin, so i said sure. on to the story- so we met at this restaurant that i had never heard of, and it was because lin lived 30 minutes from here and requested this. so lin came, and she was gorgeous, we chatted, and she told me she walked here, since she didn't want to waste gas on a car. i didn't really mind and the convo went on. me and lin really did hit it off, and we talked for an hour, went for a movie (that was 10 minutes from the restaurant) , talked more, had fun and i actually had hope in this date. so then we had to part, and i assumed lin would walk home, but she asked me if i could drive her home, since it was night and she never expected the date to go for so long and that she doesn't want to walk this night. i didn't want to waste gas, plus i felt like she was just using me for my car so i politely declined. she asked one more time because she didn't want to walk home at this time, because a few guys always walked around her neighbourhood at this time. i told her i couldn't, and she accepted it, glared at me, before leaving. the next day, i asked her if she made it home safe. she replied a few hours later with: 'if you call getting catcalled safe, then yes i was safe!' and then blocked me on all social media. i made another account but she told me that it didn't work out, and blocked me again. i was devastated, since i thought this would work. i can't help but think i was in the wrong. i did have lowish gas, and nothing really bad did happen to her, and if she didn't want the possibility of walking home, she could have got a car/uber. aita? {update} so i understand i'm the asshole. so a few hours after i posted this, she unblocked me, texted me the link to this (probably found it), and gave me judgement, and told me i'm dense (i realise that) my friend called me and told me to apologize, i apologized, but there's no second date, and we both went out ways. that's that 😔 [/INST] yta a gentleman makes sure a lady gets home safely and especially from a date. you just showed her that the dollar on gas you saved was more important than her potential safety. </s>
AITA for not telling my wife there was a possibility her best friend's daughter is mine?	about 7 years ago, my wife's best friend and her husband split and it looked like they were headed for divorce. around the same time my wife (then girlfriend) and i split. i think it is worth pointing out that my wife was the one who called it quits. when we split, we were officially broken up. this was not just a break. i did not see any chance for us and figured our relationship was done, so when my wife's best friend showed interest, i decided to sleep with her. we were never serious. it was purely physical. this went on for a few months, and then she broke things off with me because she and her husband had decided to give things another shot. it was not long after they reconciled that she announced they were expecting. she never reached out to me to confirm either way if it could be mine, so i assumed it was her husbands. i didn't know she had been sleeping with him while we were together, but i suspected that there was some other guy she was also sleeping with based on some of her behaviors. about a year after all this happened, my wife and i started seeing each other again. we dated for a while and then decided to get married. i never told my wife about my relationship with her best friend because we were broken up at the time and i wanted to have a clean start. everything was fine until her best friend and her husband starting have problems a year ago. they have been going through a nasty divorce. at some point her husband decided he wanted a paternity test and discovered that his daughter is not his biologically. the best friend then admitted she was mostly sure it was mine. the husband then contacted my wife and told her what her friend had said. since then i have been dealing with the fallout. my wife think i was an ah for not mentioning what happened between us, but i never had any reason to suspect it could be my daughter until now. i don't think it would have made sense to tell her about something that i thought was low probability. it seems crazy to me to hold this against me when i never suspected anything. aita for not telling her when i honestly did not believe the child was mine?	3,884	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h78e96/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_there_was_a/	2020-06-11 22:43:16	yta. it’s not unreasonable to think it would be best to disclose this to your wife once you got back together. you also said you had no reason to suspect the child was yours, which i find laughable.	yta. if it was some random woman you messed around it when you weren’t with your wife, there wouldn’t be much of a reason to tell her. but her best friend? i think you are using that term loosely because my best friend would never not tell me she thinks her child may be my husbands. that’s actually ridiculous you both didn’t tell her if they still are friends. i would 100% leave my husband over this and never talk to the “best friend” again.	yta for not telling your wife you had a sexual relationship with her best friend. even if you weren't together she should know about any intimacy you've previously had with anyone close to her.	yta. you should have come clean from the beginning. that’s her best friend. regardless if you were broken up you should have told her you had a fling with her.	yta, so much so that my mind broke. you were dishonest about something incredibly crucial and although you said you had no reason to believe the child was yours, i call bs. any sex with another woman always runs risk of pregnancy, you’d have to live under a rock not to know that. this was key information she deserved to have before you reconciled- information that could make or break your relationship. you knew it was bad so you kept it a secret. your wife had a right to hear the truth and decide weather or not she wanted to stay with you. you’ve wasted her time and you’ve betrayed her. if you refuse to see that, there is no redemption for you. i hurt for your wife and i hope she leaves you.	yta. this is information i'd want to have about my husband and my best friend, even without a child involved.	yta - you were single so she shouldn’t hold the sex against you, but you still should have told her you slept with her best friend that’s something she deserved to know she deserved to know that her boyfriend/husband slept with her best friend while broken up	yta - i feel so sorry for your wife. betrayed by her best friend and husband. i wouldn't be surprised if she leaves you for this. how her friend could do this to her and you not even mention the fling before getting back together. ew...	yta. let's suppose that, while you were broken up, your wife fucked a friend of yours, who continued to be in your life and socialize with you for years without mentioning it. seven years after the fact, if you discovered this through some third party spilling the beans, would your thought be (a) "well, it happened while we were broken up, so it makes perfect sense they'd keep it just between the two of them" or would it be (b) "the two of them betrayed me by keeping quiet about this shared secret all these years" (with a side of now going back and reevaluating every time your wife and your friend who she fucked interacted with each other)? even without a child involved, this is information she deserved to know. with a child involved, you're indisputably an ah, since now she gets to deal with the blowback of you potentially having/wanting parental rights and having to pay child support.	i'm gonna get flack for this but nta. the 2 of you were broken up and it was never expected that you got back together. the thing between you and the friend was strictly physical. no one was cheating on anyone, and you have stated nothing was shared between you and your wife about any relations while you were apart. honestly my fiance and i have never shared anything more than numbers with one another. i don't know names and neither does he, and we are both perfectly fine with that. i feel the only thing that sucks about this entire situation was the info got back to your wife before you. i feel like you should have been told first so you could break the news to your wife.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	0.024	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: about 7 years ago, my wife's best friend and her husband split and it looked like they were headed for divorce. around the same time my wife (then girlfriend) and i split. i think it is worth pointing out that my wife was the one who called it quits. when we split, we were officially broken up. this was not just a break. i did not see any chance for us and figured our relationship was done, so when my wife's best friend showed interest, i decided to sleep with her. we were never serious. it was purely physical. this went on for a few months, and then she broke things off with me because she and her husband had decided to give things another shot. it was not long after they reconciled that she announced they were expecting. she never reached out to me to confirm either way if it could be mine, so i assumed it was her husbands. i didn't know she had been sleeping with him while we were together, but i suspected that there was some other guy she was also sleeping with based on some of her behaviors. about a year after all this happened, my wife and i started seeing each other again. we dated for a while and then decided to get married. i never told my wife about my relationship with her best friend because we were broken up at the time and i wanted to have a clean start. everything was fine until her best friend and her husband starting have problems a year ago. they have been going through a nasty divorce. at some point her husband decided he wanted a paternity test and discovered that his daughter is not his biologically. the best friend then admitted she was mostly sure it was mine. the husband then contacted my wife and told her what her friend had said. since then i have been dealing with the fallout. my wife think i was an ah for not mentioning what happened between us, but i never had any reason to suspect it could be my daughter until now. i don't think it would have made sense to tell her about something that i thought was low probability. it seems crazy to me to hold this against me when i never suspected anything. aita for not telling her when i honestly did not believe the child was mine?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> about 7 years ago, my wife's best friend and her husband split and it looked like they were headed for divorce. around the same time my wife (then girlfriend) and i split. i think it is worth pointing out that my wife was the one who called it quits. when we split, we were officially broken up. this was not just a break. i did not see any chance for us and figured our relationship was done, so when my wife's best friend showed interest, i decided to sleep with her. we were never serious. it was purely physical. this went on for a few months, and then she broke things off with me because she and her husband had decided to give things another shot. it was not long after they reconciled that she announced they were expecting. she never reached out to me to confirm either way if it could be mine, so i assumed it was her husbands. i didn't know she had been sleeping with him while we were together, but i suspected that there was some other guy she was also sleeping with based on some of her behaviors. about a year after all this happened, my wife and i started seeing each other again. we dated for a while and then decided to get married. i never told my wife about my relationship with her best friend because we were broken up at the time and i wanted to have a clean start. everything was fine until her best friend and her husband starting have problems a year ago. they have been going through a nasty divorce. at some point her husband decided he wanted a paternity test and discovered that his daughter is not his biologically. the best friend then admitted she was mostly sure it was mine. the husband then contacted my wife and told her what her friend had said. since then i have been dealing with the fallout. my wife think i was an ah for not mentioning what happened between us, but i never had any reason to suspect it could be my daughter until now. i don't think it would have made sense to tell her about something that i thought was low probability. it seems crazy to me to hold this against me when i never suspected anything. aita for not telling her when i honestly did not believe the child was mine? [/INST] yta. it’s not unreasonable to think it would be best to disclose this to your wife once you got back together. you also said you had no reason to suspect the child was yours, which i find laughable. </s>
AITA for telling my niece she was a product of infidelity?	my niece is 17, and she’s kinda a bitch to her parents especially her mom, my sil. about 17 years ago my manwhore of a baby brother had an affair with some random woman he worked with. his wife of 5 years forgave him, even after finding out that the woman he was with was pregnant with my brothers baby. nine months later out pops my niece. unfortunately, my niece’s mother past way very soon after she was born, so my brother had full custody of her. unbeknownst to me, they have been telling my niece that she is the biological daughter of my sil. a few weeks ago i had a baby boy of my own and have been facetiming my brother and sil regularly to show him off. this week when i facetimed my sil, about 10 minutes in i heard the voice of my niece. she was yelling about some teenage nonsense at an incredible volume. my sil called her down to her and asked her to quite down. my niece came down and started screaming expletives in my sil’s face, my sil, not wanting me to see this, she told me she would call me back after she finished dealing with her daughter and hung up. about half an hour later she called me back in tears and confessed to me she didn’t know how to handle her daughter anymore. i consoled her until the end of the facetime and immediately was furious with my niece. i messaged her over facebook and told her off, one of my messages was, “you don’t understand how blessed you are to have your mom, she doesn’t have to be there for you, she could’ve left your dad when she found out about you.” i didn’t receive a message back. that night i get a call from my brother asking what i told his child. i told him exactly what i said and i really don’t regret it* . long story short, her parents ended up needing to tell her that she was the product of her fathers affair and was not related to her mother. for this my brother called me a massive cunt and said i fractured his family. i argued back, saying i realize she didn’t know her mom wasn’t her biological mother for a little before he hung up on me. aita? *i phrased this incorrectly, when he asked i told him i don’t regret what i told her. then he told me that they had to explain that their daughter was a product of infidelity. i do very much regret being the first person to tell my niece the circumstances of her birth.	11,482	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/htyeq1/aita_for_telling_my_niece_she_was_a_product_of/	2020-07-19 10:29:02	yta. she is only the product of her father's infidelity, not the cause of it. how dare you make it seem like she is the problem in all of this? she's only a teenager. and not even yours. yta.	yta. even if your niece had known she was adopted, your message was unreasonable, inappropriate and downright cruel. the fact that you revealed the secret was icing on the cake. i cannot imagine how as a parent you can possibly think it would be appropriate to remind an adopted child that they are lucky their adoptive mother didn’t leave. it is totally normal for 17 year olds to argue with their parents. it is not normal for adults in their life to weaponize the fact that they are adopted as a behavior management tool. i cannot possibly overstate how much you overstepped here.	yta. you got into an argument with a child, and said things to hurt and shame them out of anger. it wasn't your child, and it wasn't your place to do anything but listen to your sil and comfort her as she vented. i don't know what your niece is going through, but she's not your child, she has parents, and it's not your place to discipline her. for whatever reason your niece's mother chose to be a mother 17 years ago, and she took on everything that comes with that. and she is your niece's mother in every way that matters. no child should have to feel grateful just because they have a mother, even if their mother isn't their bio mom. your perspective on adoption is disgusting. you a;sp have a weird relationship with your brother. you seem bitter about things he did to his wife over a decade ago which his wife has forgiven him for. it's not your marriage, not your place to be angry if you want to continue to have a relationship with them.	esh your brother and sister in law suck for deciding not to tell their daughter about her mother. they had to know a secret like that comes out eventually. you suck because you shouldn't be telling a telling a teen that her mom could have left her dad over finding out about her. yikes.	yta - you got involved in something that was nothing to do with you and told someone they were adopted without any care about what the parents wanted.	big time yta. it was your brothers and sil choice not to tell her, and you just got above that because you were angry at your niece. don't you see how god dang childish that is? edit; just saw that you didn't know about that fact but still... it's childish to say something like that to a teen.	yta. even if you “didn’t know” she was unaware of her lineage, you’re a massive asshole for throwing something like that in a child’s face. that’s not corrective action, that’s you being a bully.	leaning towards esh. sounds like this child needs a lot more parental/adult support than she is getting. one good start would be not to use information about the child as a weapon.	yta you really had not a single clue that she didn't know? even if that is true (unlikely), it's not something you should just make assumptions about. you should have made sure she knew with her parents first.	yta. did you really think saying what you said was gonna help your niece's behavior, even if she did know sil wasn't her biological mother?! you completely ruined your brother's family. be grateful if he even considers speaking to you again.	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	0.002	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my niece is 17, and she’s kinda a bitch to her parents especially her mom, my sil. about 17 years ago my manwhore of a baby brother had an affair with some random woman he worked with. his wife of 5 years forgave him, even after finding out that the woman he was with was pregnant with my brothers baby. nine months later out pops my niece. unfortunately, my niece’s mother past way very soon after she was born, so my brother had full custody of her. unbeknownst to me, they have been telling my niece that she is the biological daughter of my sil. a few weeks ago i had a baby boy of my own and have been facetiming my brother and sil regularly to show him off. this week when i facetimed my sil, about 10 minutes in i heard the voice of my niece. she was yelling about some teenage nonsense at an incredible volume. my sil called her down to her and asked her to quite down. my niece came down and started screaming expletives in my sil’s face, my sil, not wanting me to see this, she told me she would call me back after she finished dealing with her daughter and hung up. about half an hour later she called me back in tears and confessed to me she didn’t know how to handle her daughter anymore. i consoled her until the end of the facetime and immediately was furious with my niece. i messaged her over facebook and told her off, one of my messages was, “you don’t understand how blessed you are to have your mom, she doesn’t have to be there for you, she could’ve left your dad when she found out about you.” i didn’t receive a message back. that night i get a call from my brother asking what i told his child. i told him exactly what i said and i really don’t regret it* . long story short, her parents ended up needing to tell her that she was the product of her fathers affair and was not related to her mother. for this my brother called me a massive cunt and said i fractured his family. i argued back, saying i realize she didn’t know her mom wasn’t her biological mother for a little before he hung up on me. aita? *i phrased this incorrectly, when he asked i told him i don’t regret what i told her. then he told me that they had to explain that their daughter was a product of infidelity. i do very much regret being the first person to tell my niece the circumstances of her birth.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my niece is 17, and she’s kinda a bitch to her parents especially her mom, my sil. about 17 years ago my manwhore of a baby brother had an affair with some random woman he worked with. his wife of 5 years forgave him, even after finding out that the woman he was with was pregnant with my brothers baby. nine months later out pops my niece. unfortunately, my niece’s mother past way very soon after she was born, so my brother had full custody of her. unbeknownst to me, they have been telling my niece that she is the biological daughter of my sil. a few weeks ago i had a baby boy of my own and have been facetiming my brother and sil regularly to show him off. this week when i facetimed my sil, about 10 minutes in i heard the voice of my niece. she was yelling about some teenage nonsense at an incredible volume. my sil called her down to her and asked her to quite down. my niece came down and started screaming expletives in my sil’s face, my sil, not wanting me to see this, she told me she would call me back after she finished dealing with her daughter and hung up. about half an hour later she called me back in tears and confessed to me she didn’t know how to handle her daughter anymore. i consoled her until the end of the facetime and immediately was furious with my niece. i messaged her over facebook and told her off, one of my messages was, “you don’t understand how blessed you are to have your mom, she doesn’t have to be there for you, she could’ve left your dad when she found out about you.” i didn’t receive a message back. that night i get a call from my brother asking what i told his child. i told him exactly what i said and i really don’t regret it* . long story short, her parents ended up needing to tell her that she was the product of her fathers affair and was not related to her mother. for this my brother called me a massive cunt and said i fractured his family. i argued back, saying i realize she didn’t know her mom wasn’t her biological mother for a little before he hung up on me. aita? *i phrased this incorrectly, when he asked i told him i don’t regret what i told her. then he told me that they had to explain that their daughter was a product of infidelity. i do very much regret being the first person to tell my niece the circumstances of her birth. [/INST] yta. she is only the product of her father's infidelity, not the cause of it. how dare you make it seem like she is the problem in all of this? she's only a teenager. and not even yours. yta. </s>
AITA For having the same standards for my daughter as my sons?	i 48f have 5 kids. my twins are 16m and my triplets 15mmf. currently the 16m twins share a room the 15m twins have a room and the single girl has a room. (all kids could have their own room but they chose to share.) this year my boys all came together, they asked if they could all pool their birthday money for a room makeover. they want their beds and clothing to be in one room and desks in the other room for a "gamers paradise" and have been saving last years birthday presents and have been saving their christmas money from the last 2 years. i painted their gaming room a dark grey (with leftover paint from my parents reno) but added leds as the main light source on the ceiling and under the desks and in each shelf, made the closet into a built in bookshelf for video games and their figurines, along with wall shelves, added a couple of mini fridges for drinks, a mini snack vending machine, and painted their desks to match. then changed their sleeping and clothing arrangement. i did not spend any additional money outside of the budget and boys all helped with manual labor of moving stuff and painting furniture that my daughter did witness. now my daughter is jealous i didn't do her room as well, we explained that the boys have been saving money and birthday and christmas presents and she asked to make a total room makeover plan too so we did and it would cost about the same as what the boys did (she wanted all new furniture along with painting it, and crafting set up). i told her if she wanted exactly this room she would need to contribute xxx amount of dollars and even came up with a plan if she wanted to do extra chores (all kids get this oppertunity) but if she didn't want new furniture we could repurpose the old stuff we have between storage and what's currently in there and she could afford it this year.	3,929	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u26tkk/aita_for_having_the_same_standards_for_my/	2022-04-12 19:09:13	yta. i think your husband makes a good point; four people can save up quicker than one and can make 4x income of one person. it's great that the boys chose to share, but realistically, this isn't a choice for the teenage girl. it's not her fault she isn't a boy and can't therefore share with a boy. with this in mind, i don't agree that she is being treated fairly. i think asking her to save 1/4, as each of the boys did, would be reasonable.	soft yta. i can see where you're coming from but from her perspective she's the only girl, she's excluded from the 'gaming paradise' because of her gender, excluded from sharing a room because of her gender and now she's excluded from the decorating and planning her brothers did, with a lot of help from you. honestly i think if you can afford it you should take her contribution she has and pay for what she wants. if not go over budgeting with her, ask what she wants to do now as phase one with the money she has and say she can save up to add the furniture later but you'll be on board to help her with it. i'm not really surprised she's jealous, her 4 brothers just worked on a really cool project with her dad, getting the bedrooms and gaming area they want while she's basically sidelined. i can see why it feels really unfair to her.	your title is misleading. it's not really the "same" standard for exactly the reason your husband pointed out. there is one of her and four of them. she can't choose to share the way did because she doesn't have sisters. yta	i get your pov. but your daughter has no one to pool her money with. and she probably already feels like the odd sibling out. soft yta. how about you and hubby pool money with her, 3-1?	nta. a few things that it seems most commenters have missed: \- unless i'm misunderstanding, the boys actually spent more than $200 on their room. they bought many of the things used over time (lights, fridges), then came up with $200 cash for the final renovation. all or almost all of the resources used came from the boys themselves, parents only helped with labor, which she says she is totally willing to do for her daughter as well. \- the boys planned and saved for two years for this project. the girl is insisting on hers being done now. asking her to wait a few months till christmas is totally reasonable. \- while the boys have the advantage of pooling resources, it also means the room is shared between the four of them. the girl will have her room all to herself. while its true that she didn't choose to be the only girl in the family, sometimes that's just how the cookie crumbles - there are both upsides and downsides to it.	this is a great lesson in why equal is not always equality. your husband is right, it’s unreasonable to expect your daughter to save up 4x what one of the boys had to save up. redo your budget with you matching her contribution 3:1 edit for judgement: i see what you’re attempting and understand your approach but yta	yta. the thing is this: you may be treating all your kids the same, but your daughter doesn't have the same opportunity as your sons. your sons get to choose whether to pool their resources and share a room, and your daughter does not, because you only have one daughter and she has no one to share a room with. it's not fair that your daughter has to spend 4 times as much to get the same thing as your sons.	sorry, haven’t gotten past the first sentence. did you say twins and then triplets?! holy moly!	nah i don't think this is necessarily about the room. your daughter has four brothers who share rooms, who share a hobby, and then she's off doing her own thing. it sounds like the boys are all closer to each other than they are to her and she feels left out. does this 4 against 1 dynamic play out in other ways?	your daughter should have to contribute but your husband has a point. there were four brothers to save up that amount of money and only one of her. why not match dollar for dollar what she saves? this will still teach her budgeting and repurposing. otherwise she gets to live in a bedroom far inferior to her brothers. yta	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	null	NAH	YTA	0.111464	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i 48f have 5 kids. my twins are 16m and my triplets 15mmf. currently the 16m twins share a room the 15m twins have a room and the single girl has a room. (all kids could have their own room but they chose to share.) this year my boys all came together, they asked if they could all pool their birthday money for a room makeover. they want their beds and clothing to be in one room and desks in the other room for a "gamers paradise" and have been saving last years birthday presents and have been saving their christmas money from the last 2 years. i painted their gaming room a dark grey (with leftover paint from my parents reno) but added leds as the main light source on the ceiling and under the desks and in each shelf, made the closet into a built in bookshelf for video games and their figurines, along with wall shelves, added a couple of mini fridges for drinks, a mini snack vending machine, and painted their desks to match. then changed their sleeping and clothing arrangement. i did not spend any additional money outside of the budget and boys all helped with manual labor of moving stuff and painting furniture that my daughter did witness. now my daughter is jealous i didn't do her room as well, we explained that the boys have been saving money and birthday and christmas presents and she asked to make a total room makeover plan too so we did and it would cost about the same as what the boys did (she wanted all new furniture along with painting it, and crafting set up). i told her if she wanted exactly this room she would need to contribute xxx amount of dollars and even came up with a plan if she wanted to do extra chores (all kids get this oppertunity) but if she didn't want new furniture we could repurpose the old stuff we have between storage and what's currently in there and she could afford it this year.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i 48f have 5 kids. my twins are 16m and my triplets 15mmf. currently the 16m twins share a room the 15m twins have a room and the single girl has a room. (all kids could have their own room but they chose to share.) this year my boys all came together, they asked if they could all pool their birthday money for a room makeover. they want their beds and clothing to be in one room and desks in the other room for a "gamers paradise" and have been saving last years birthday presents and have been saving their christmas money from the last 2 years. i painted their gaming room a dark grey (with leftover paint from my parents reno) but added leds as the main light source on the ceiling and under the desks and in each shelf, made the closet into a built in bookshelf for video games and their figurines, along with wall shelves, added a couple of mini fridges for drinks, a mini snack vending machine, and painted their desks to match. then changed their sleeping and clothing arrangement. i did not spend any additional money outside of the budget and boys all helped with manual labor of moving stuff and painting furniture that my daughter did witness. now my daughter is jealous i didn't do her room as well, we explained that the boys have been saving money and birthday and christmas presents and she asked to make a total room makeover plan too so we did and it would cost about the same as what the boys did (she wanted all new furniture along with painting it, and crafting set up). i told her if she wanted exactly this room she would need to contribute xxx amount of dollars and even came up with a plan if she wanted to do extra chores (all kids get this oppertunity) but if she didn't want new furniture we could repurpose the old stuff we have between storage and what's currently in there and she could afford it this year. [/INST] yta. i think your husband makes a good point; four people can save up quicker than one and can make 4x income of one person. it's great that the boys chose to share, but realistically, this isn't a choice for the teenage girl. it's not her fault she isn't a boy and can't therefore share with a boy. with this in mind, i don't agree that she is being treated fairly. i think asking her to save 1/4, as each of the boys did, would be reasonable. </s>
AITA for not giving up my second "free" seat next to me in the plane?	i am obese. like i am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. i am well aware of that and i really don't like to bother people with my weight. a week ago i was going to a conference by plane and because i was going alone (usually when i fly with my boyfriend i don't buy two since he sits next to me) i bought two seats. i fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and i feel uncomfortable for them. it happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and i felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight. so i sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so i would be really comfortable. some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. exactly what i was afraid of happened. my side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because i bought this one for my comfort. he told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. well, i told him i understand but i feel uncomfortable and i paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. he refused again and started to chat with his gf. i called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. she asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his gf gave me a nasty look. the gf mumbled something like "fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me. so am i the asshole for insisting on him to leave?	34,876	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uo6we1/aita_for_not_giving_up_my_second_free_seat_next/	2022-05-12 17:54:13	nta- former flight attendant. it's your seat. you paid for it. if that (classless) couple wanted to sit together that badly, they should have paid for seats together.	nta. if it happens again, don't let them sit down. block the extra seat and state immediately, "i paid for two seats. this one is not available."	nta. it doesn’t matter why you purchased that seat. you could have bought it for the spirits of your ancestors so they could guide you safely to your destination and it would have been no one’s business but yours. sorry this happened	nta! you bought that seat. the couple sitting apart has nothing to do with you. idgaf if you were thin and bought a 2nd seat for your emotional support ghost! that's your seat.	#[be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/about/rules/). this lady calling op a bitch doesn't mean you get to call her one, or any other insult. #also op didn't ask you about your opinion about their size, or for diet tips. not every thought that pops into your mind is worth posting. please review our [faq](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.	nta. they tried to take something you paid for and then were rude to you. it's a bit shocking, really, considering the number of people who comment on social media that larger people should have to buy two seats. please don't feel bad about yourself because they chose to be horrid and entitled.	nta - it wasnt a free/available seat. you purchased it, you bought the seat so it is “occupied”.	nta: you paid for that seat, it’s your seat and frankly airplane seats are too small. i was on a flight last week, i bought it last minute and ended up with a center seat in the “basic” cabin, the cheap seats on united flights ( at least on this plane ) don’t have movable arm rests, my hips hit both armrests( read walls), it was very uncomfortable. i wear a women’s 10/12, after that experience i will always buy 2 seats if i’m in the back or at least never settle for less than business class.	nta . you did exactly what people scream at fat people to do and still got abuse hurled at you. the fact they didn't even ask is odd.	nta. you paid for the second seat for that very reason. i'm sorry, op. they acted horribly.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am obese. like i am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. i am well aware of that and i really don't like to bother people with my weight. a week ago i was going to a conference by plane and because i was going alone (usually when i fly with my boyfriend i don't buy two since he sits next to me) i bought two seats. i fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and i feel uncomfortable for them. it happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and i felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight. so i sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so i would be really comfortable. some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. exactly what i was afraid of happened. my side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because i bought this one for my comfort. he told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. well, i told him i understand but i feel uncomfortable and i paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. he refused again and started to chat with his gf. i called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. she asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his gf gave me a nasty look. the gf mumbled something like "fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me. so am i the asshole for insisting on him to leave?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am obese. like i am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. i am well aware of that and i really don't like to bother people with my weight. a week ago i was going to a conference by plane and because i was going alone (usually when i fly with my boyfriend i don't buy two since he sits next to me) i bought two seats. i fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and i feel uncomfortable for them. it happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and i felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight. so i sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so i would be really comfortable. some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. exactly what i was afraid of happened. my side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because i bought this one for my comfort. he told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. well, i told him i understand but i feel uncomfortable and i paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. he refused again and started to chat with his gf. i called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. she asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his gf gave me a nasty look. the gf mumbled something like "fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me. so am i the asshole for insisting on him to leave? [/INST] nta- former flight attendant. it's your seat. you paid for it. if that (classless) couple wanted to sit together that badly, they should have paid for seats together. </s>
WIBTA if I refuse to go to my sister's wedding because I can't bring my girlfriend as my +1?	i'm a lesbian, and i've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. my family, including my sister, is all fine with me being gay and supportive of my relationship. however, her fiancé comes from a very regressive and religious family, and while he himself is fine, his extended family is very traditional and anti-gay. my sister gave me my invitation in person instead of mailing it, and explained that i wasn't getting a +1 because having a gay couple at the wedding would likely end up causing lots of drama with his side of the family. all my other siblings have +1s and are welcome to bring their (hetero) partners. i understand where she's coming from, but it still feels like such a slap in the face. i'm not going to try and force her to give me a +1, but i'm seriously considering not going. i love my sister, but i'm not comfortable spending a whole day alone, while my other siblings are allowed to bring their partners, just because my sister wants to cater to a bunch of bigots. i haven't said anything to anyone yet, but if i so stay home, would i be the asshole?	23,077	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qyux9z/wibta_if_i_refuse_to_go_to_my_sisters_wedding/	2021-11-21 13:25:34	nta. you deserve to be treated with equal respect as your other siblings. your sister is the ah for siding with her homophobic in laws and going through with marrying someone who would demand that he sister be treated with such disrespect. exactly how long does your sister expect you to exclude your partner or any future partner from large family events to cater to her in laws? if they have kids, will you be allowed to have a relationship with them, will they attend your wedding, what about holidays? i’m sorry you’re being treated this way.	nah. as a gay man, i understand how that feels. but, your sister can invite whoever she wants. you also can decline the invite since she is excluding your partner. i personally wouldn't go either. i'd tell your sister i understand she is in a difficult position, but she is putting you in one as well. i would also tell her that you're hurt that she wouldn't stand up for you in the face of bigotry.	nta, you're not going to ruin a wedding if you bring your girlfriend. on the other hand, a bunch of bigoted old people can ruin it if they get offended by something that doesnt even remotely affect them. they should be the ones not going, not your partner.	nta. let’s be clear. it’s sad, but it sounds like your family tolerates you being a lesbian. supporting you being gay means not shoving you back into the closet to appease homophobes.	nta her in laws will figure out eventually that you are gay. hiding that fact now is pointless. she should invite you and your partner and be proud to have you there. her fiance should be supportive of that instead of his family's backwards way of thinking. do what is right for you. edited for typo	skip it, and let them explain why. nta.	nta if other siblings are getting +1 and you are being excluded because of your gay partner, then you can politely decline. she is an asshole most foul.	nta. your sister is ready to hurt and insult you rather than rock the boat, because she knows you love her and will forgive her, but she wants to make a 'good impression' on her fiance's family. your sister needs to learn to stick with principles. it's a really bad way to start a marriage, to toss your principles just to get on the good side of hateful people. what she should do: invite you both. if there's a problem, it's the fiance's family's problem. she should probably tell them in advance that you guys are coming together, so you're not faced with extreme unpleasantness once you're there. if she won't, you should absolutely decline to go. let people know why. that's important, because if you decline, they'll try spreading rumors about you. you're her sister. you're going to be in her life the rest of her life. what is she planning on doing in the future? is she going to keep you in the closet when she wants to, say, celebrate christmas with both families? she needs to take a stand, and if she won't, you are totally in the right to.	nta. they put a lot of thought into how to exclude your partner. they could have done the same effort to include.	nta- take your girlfriend to the beach and have a nice day away from your future bil’s toxic family. and shame on your sister for not standing her ground and telling them that if they cannot handle it and treat you and your girlfriend with respect that they can stay home!	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a lesbian, and i've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. my family, including my sister, is all fine with me being gay and supportive of my relationship. however, her fiancé comes from a very regressive and religious family, and while he himself is fine, his extended family is very traditional and anti-gay. my sister gave me my invitation in person instead of mailing it, and explained that i wasn't getting a +1 because having a gay couple at the wedding would likely end up causing lots of drama with his side of the family. all my other siblings have +1s and are welcome to bring their (hetero) partners. i understand where she's coming from, but it still feels like such a slap in the face. i'm not going to try and force her to give me a +1, but i'm seriously considering not going. i love my sister, but i'm not comfortable spending a whole day alone, while my other siblings are allowed to bring their partners, just because my sister wants to cater to a bunch of bigots. i haven't said anything to anyone yet, but if i so stay home, would i be the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm a lesbian, and i've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. my family, including my sister, is all fine with me being gay and supportive of my relationship. however, her fiancé comes from a very regressive and religious family, and while he himself is fine, his extended family is very traditional and anti-gay. my sister gave me my invitation in person instead of mailing it, and explained that i wasn't getting a +1 because having a gay couple at the wedding would likely end up causing lots of drama with his side of the family. all my other siblings have +1s and are welcome to bring their (hetero) partners. i understand where she's coming from, but it still feels like such a slap in the face. i'm not going to try and force her to give me a +1, but i'm seriously considering not going. i love my sister, but i'm not comfortable spending a whole day alone, while my other siblings are allowed to bring their partners, just because my sister wants to cater to a bunch of bigots. i haven't said anything to anyone yet, but if i so stay home, would i be the asshole? [/INST] nta. you deserve to be treated with equal respect as your other siblings. your sister is the ah for siding with her homophobic in laws and going through with marrying someone who would demand that he sister be treated with such disrespect. exactly how long does your sister expect you to exclude your partner or any future partner from large family events to cater to her in laws? if they have kids, will you be allowed to have a relationship with them, will they attend your wedding, what about holidays? i’m sorry you’re being treated this way. </s>
AITA for taking my niece out of drama club because she failed PE?	my niece is living with my family and i due to some personal reasons. she moved in right at the end of the school year last year. this year, she started high school. in our state, you have to have two years of pe to graduate. my niece asked if she could do it online like my kids, and we said sure, no problem. the way the online program works is pretty simple. over a 180 day term (plus weekends) students must clock in 60 hrs of physical activity on a fitbit provided through the school. there aren’t set exercises or anything like that. the students do whatever they want, and as long as the fitbit registers it, it counts. for example, my son and one daughter got theirs through sports, but my other daughter looks up dance routines on the computer. also, the 60 hrs can be divided however a student wants. they can do an hour a day and be done in two months, or they can do 20 minutes a day for the whole 180, or any other combination, as long as it gets done. there are smaller goals throughout the year, like 30 hrs by midterm in december and 15 hrs by the end of october. my niece hasn’t met these goals. in fact, she hasn’t registered a single minute of what the fitbit counts as real physical activity. and she says it’s not a malfunction. she thought that walking to class and drama (even though by her own admission they mostly stand and read) would be enough. she said that between homework and drama, she didn’t have time for exercizing. our house rule is if you fail a class, you’re pulled from all extra curriculars, no matter your other grades. my wife and i called the school and told them we were pulling my niece from drama and why. now her parents are furious. her mom all but said it was abuse. my brother can’t believe we’d pull her from something she loves so much w/o consulting them, even though when we asked for input on what classes to put her in, they said that we should trust our judgment. i don’t know. aita for pulling her out of it?	11,922	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/duttpt/aita_for_taking_my_niece_out_of_drama_club/	2019-11-11 15:23:05	yta i never understood why denying a child an activity that will help them grow as a person is a valid punishment for failing at school. learning how to act is a very useful skill for her future. i agree that she needs a punishment, but this one is stupid. also, did she know ahead of time that this was on the line? ---	nta i might catch flak for this, but she failed a class that she needs to graduate. op, you trusted her to make sure she takes care of her stuff, and she didn’t. that’s on her. therefore, considering she’s living in your house, she needs to follow your rules. you are well within your rights to pull her from drama due to her failing pe. my parents would’ve pulled me from any extracurriculars i was in too if i failed a class, let alone a required one. i’m not sure what the situation with your niece’s parents is, but if she’s in your care, then their input doesn’t mean a whole lot when you’re the one raising her. like i don’t see any reason why they should be able to place their child in your care and then be able to clutch their pearls and faint when you pull a kid from an activity that, according to the kid herself, was a factor as to why she failed a class she needs to graduate. for her sake, i’m hoping she still has the time to make it up, but that’d be a really stupid reason to fail to graduate high school because you didn’t put enough effort into, and subsequently fail, pe.	info - sounds to me like she failed the first of the sub goals (october) not the whole thing. if you come up with an exercise program and she demonstrates immediate progress on it does she get extracurricular stuff back? your brother is nuts, though. that is not abuse by any sane definition.	info: did you check in with her at any point over the semester about where she was at? it seems like if there was no physical activity recorded by the midpoint at the end of october, there maybe should have been some intervention on your part, like doing activities together or signing her up for a recreational sport. she's 15, kids at that age are often bad at self-regulating and need some guidance from their parental figures. you're nta for enforcing a house-wide rule, but i think there were steps that could have been taken before this point to ensure she was getting some physical activity. i'm also curious about the situation that led to her living with you, since both parents are alive. is it possible she's depressed due to her circumstances? that can have a huge effect on motivation, particularly with regards to getting moving.	lol, all the y t as. i'm guessing she didn't meet the 15 hours by the end of oct, and op used that as the reason to punish her. clearly nta, the niece knew what she had to do, she knew when she had to do it by, she knew she hadn't done anything so far, and she knew the consequences to not doing anything. she deserves to get punished here.	yta there are many other ways you could of handeled the situation without having to take her out of drama.	nta. she knew about the rule, and that she needs the pe hours to graduate. as she said that the reason she wasn't completing it was that she didn't have time due to her drama club, then pulling her from that seems super reasonable as presumably she can then use that time to log her fitness hours. you'd only be ta if you kept her out of drama once this has been rectified.	info does she have any chance of doing that by the end of the school year? as i understand from one of your comments school year is not over yet right?	nta lmao are all the people on this subreddit lazy people who don't leave the house? like come on, pe is a class that is required for graduation. saying the niece is stressed and doesn't have time to excersise is a bunch of bullshit. at the end of the day she didn't care about the class but that class is one of her responsibilities. also the argument that pe doesn't matter, drama club does is a bunch of bullshit as well. i can just say math doesn't matter if the niece is trying to become and actress. calculus adds nothing to your acting career so who cares about doing your math homework because it's "too stressful".	yta. i’m a school choir director and i can tell you that when a student struggles in school, the last thing you should do is pull them out of their favorite class. her drama class may be an oasis in the middle of an otherwise challenging day. it may be the thing that motivates her the most to come to school each day. taking that away is not likely to lead to better academic results, and is sure to be a major source of frustration to her.	YTA	NTA	INFO	INFO	NTA	YTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	YTA	0.672837	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my niece is living with my family and i due to some personal reasons. she moved in right at the end of the school year last year. this year, she started high school. in our state, you have to have two years of pe to graduate. my niece asked if she could do it online like my kids, and we said sure, no problem. the way the online program works is pretty simple. over a 180 day term (plus weekends) students must clock in 60 hrs of physical activity on a fitbit provided through the school. there aren’t set exercises or anything like that. the students do whatever they want, and as long as the fitbit registers it, it counts. for example, my son and one daughter got theirs through sports, but my other daughter looks up dance routines on the computer. also, the 60 hrs can be divided however a student wants. they can do an hour a day and be done in two months, or they can do 20 minutes a day for the whole 180, or any other combination, as long as it gets done. there are smaller goals throughout the year, like 30 hrs by midterm in december and 15 hrs by the end of october. my niece hasn’t met these goals. in fact, she hasn’t registered a single minute of what the fitbit counts as real physical activity. and she says it’s not a malfunction. she thought that walking to class and drama (even though by her own admission they mostly stand and read) would be enough. she said that between homework and drama, she didn’t have time for exercizing. our house rule is if you fail a class, you’re pulled from all extra curriculars, no matter your other grades. my wife and i called the school and told them we were pulling my niece from drama and why. now her parents are furious. her mom all but said it was abuse. my brother can’t believe we’d pull her from something she loves so much w/o consulting them, even though when we asked for input on what classes to put her in, they said that we should trust our judgment. i don’t know. aita for pulling her out of it?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my niece is living with my family and i due to some personal reasons. she moved in right at the end of the school year last year. this year, she started high school. in our state, you have to have two years of pe to graduate. my niece asked if she could do it online like my kids, and we said sure, no problem. the way the online program works is pretty simple. over a 180 day term (plus weekends) students must clock in 60 hrs of physical activity on a fitbit provided through the school. there aren’t set exercises or anything like that. the students do whatever they want, and as long as the fitbit registers it, it counts. for example, my son and one daughter got theirs through sports, but my other daughter looks up dance routines on the computer. also, the 60 hrs can be divided however a student wants. they can do an hour a day and be done in two months, or they can do 20 minutes a day for the whole 180, or any other combination, as long as it gets done. there are smaller goals throughout the year, like 30 hrs by midterm in december and 15 hrs by the end of october. my niece hasn’t met these goals. in fact, she hasn’t registered a single minute of what the fitbit counts as real physical activity. and she says it’s not a malfunction. she thought that walking to class and drama (even though by her own admission they mostly stand and read) would be enough. she said that between homework and drama, she didn’t have time for exercizing. our house rule is if you fail a class, you’re pulled from all extra curriculars, no matter your other grades. my wife and i called the school and told them we were pulling my niece from drama and why. now her parents are furious. her mom all but said it was abuse. my brother can’t believe we’d pull her from something she loves so much w/o consulting them, even though when we asked for input on what classes to put her in, they said that we should trust our judgment. i don’t know. aita for pulling her out of it? [/INST] yta i never understood why denying a child an activity that will help them grow as a person is a valid punishment for failing at school. learning how to act is a very useful skill for her future. i agree that she needs a punishment, but this one is stupid. also, did she know ahead of time that this was on the line? --- </s>
AITA for wanting my daughters to wear nice dresses at their cousin's wedding?	my nephew is getting married in july and my husband, our daughters (19, 15, 4), and i were invited. we were told this is going to be a casual outdoor wedding at the park. my nephew's fiance is getting her wedding dress from a pawn shop and i have no idea where she's getting the bridesmaid dresses but i've seen them and they're not something that you'd expect to wear at a wedding. they're church dresses at best. i told my daughters that i don't care if the bridesmaids or even the bride chooses not to look presentable but if we're going to a wedding on the other side of the country with family we haven't seen in at least 3 years, we're going to look good. i asked my older two what they were going to wear and my oldest showed me her prom dress and my middle said she couldn't decide and walked out of her room with 3 of her church/homecoming dresses. two of them were $50 from a boutique near us and the third was from the macy's children's section (middle is tiny). they're nice dresses but i would never let her wear them to a wedding. i pulled out a dress that she wore at another wedding and told her i wanted her to wear that. she said no because her cousin said causal and she doesn't want to upstage anyone. i tried telling her it's their choice not to dress for the occasion and that i'm not paying for her to fly across the country just to wear any old dress. she also was upset that i'm taking her to get her hair, nails, and makeup professionally done before the wedding and we will be taking pictures while we're there. she still refused and ran to tell my mom (nephew's grandma) that i won't let her wear what she wants and that i'm trying to upstage my nephew's fiance (i'm not trying to upstage anyone, i just want my daughters to look their best when they see family members that they haven't seen in years). my mom said i'm going overboard and to let the girls wear their church dresses. i told her my girls will be dressed formally no matter what everyone else is wearing and she threatened to buy my middle daughter a new dress to wear and take her nails and makeup off because she wants to follow the dress code. my husband thinks i'm going overboard and i should let her wear what she wants but my oldest agrees with me. we can't settle this so i wanted to know if i was wrong in this situation.	6,371	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sdnoty/aita_for_wanting_my_daughters_to_wear_nice/	2022-01-27 02:42:20	yta you're going to be upstaging the wedding party, which is tackier than showing up dressed down. my mom taught me "good etiquette is knowing which fork to use. good manners is using the wrong one when your guest does". your perspective on wedding etiquette is second to their wishes. your opinion on what a wedding should or should not be shouldn't trump what the bride and groom want and have requested. this isn't your day, it's theirs.	yta but your 15yo is surprisingly wise: "she said no because her cousin said causal and she doesn't want to upstage anyone."	yta it sounds like you are trying to upstage them. if seeing people you haven’t seen in a long time is so important to you, you should have visited them sooner. a prom dress to a causal wedding? overkill. if i were the bride i’d be slightly pissed. that’s why they tell you a dress code in the first place. it’s not your day. the day is not about people seeing your girls dressed up. the day is to celebrate a wedding. stop trying to upstage it and justify it by saying “it’s not my fault they decided to have a more causal wedding”. it’s 110% your fault to purposely outdo them on their day.	eek - i agree with your hubby and mom, you are totally going overboard on this. i'd say yta for this comment: "i told my daughters that i don't care if the bridesmaids or even the bride chooses not to look presentable but if we're going to a wedding on the other side of the country with family we haven't seen in at least 3 years, we're going to look good." very snobby.	i quit reading at "i don't care if the bridesmaids or even the bride chooses not to look presentable" now i'm rolling my eyes too much to continue typing. yta.	yta. your 15 year old is wise beyond her years; upstaging the bride, even if she chooses to dress casually, is poor etiquette. it ain’t your day, you don’t get to decide what the dress code should be.	yta. wearing formal dresses to an informal outdoor event is inappropriate. if you are so very sticklery about propriety, you should know that. plus, your level of contempt for the bride (and groom, but not really) is just dripping off the page here.	yta >oldest showed me her prom dress if my cousin showed up to my casual outdoor wedding in a prom dress i would probably kick them out. i assume you're also going to wear some over the top gown to this casual wedding? if i were you i would do some soul searching to figure out this urge to belittle your future family member's choices and then take several seats.	yta "let the girls wear their church dresses" -- i mean, if the dresses are good enough for god in his house, then the dresses should be good enough for a casual wedding of relatives.	yta you sound amazingly classist here. jeez.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my nephew is getting married in july and my husband, our daughters (19, 15, 4), and i were invited. we were told this is going to be a casual outdoor wedding at the park. my nephew's fiance is getting her wedding dress from a pawn shop and i have no idea where she's getting the bridesmaid dresses but i've seen them and they're not something that you'd expect to wear at a wedding. they're church dresses at best. i told my daughters that i don't care if the bridesmaids or even the bride chooses not to look presentable but if we're going to a wedding on the other side of the country with family we haven't seen in at least 3 years, we're going to look good. i asked my older two what they were going to wear and my oldest showed me her prom dress and my middle said she couldn't decide and walked out of her room with 3 of her church/homecoming dresses. two of them were $50 from a boutique near us and the third was from the macy's children's section (middle is tiny). they're nice dresses but i would never let her wear them to a wedding. i pulled out a dress that she wore at another wedding and told her i wanted her to wear that. she said no because her cousin said causal and she doesn't want to upstage anyone. i tried telling her it's their choice not to dress for the occasion and that i'm not paying for her to fly across the country just to wear any old dress. she also was upset that i'm taking her to get her hair, nails, and makeup professionally done before the wedding and we will be taking pictures while we're there. she still refused and ran to tell my mom (nephew's grandma) that i won't let her wear what she wants and that i'm trying to upstage my nephew's fiance (i'm not trying to upstage anyone, i just want my daughters to look their best when they see family members that they haven't seen in years). my mom said i'm going overboard and to let the girls wear their church dresses. i told her my girls will be dressed formally no matter what everyone else is wearing and she threatened to buy my middle daughter a new dress to wear and take her nails and makeup off because she wants to follow the dress code. my husband thinks i'm going overboard and i should let her wear what she wants but my oldest agrees with me. we can't settle this so i wanted to know if i was wrong in this situation.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my nephew is getting married in july and my husband, our daughters (19, 15, 4), and i were invited. we were told this is going to be a casual outdoor wedding at the park. my nephew's fiance is getting her wedding dress from a pawn shop and i have no idea where she's getting the bridesmaid dresses but i've seen them and they're not something that you'd expect to wear at a wedding. they're church dresses at best. i told my daughters that i don't care if the bridesmaids or even the bride chooses not to look presentable but if we're going to a wedding on the other side of the country with family we haven't seen in at least 3 years, we're going to look good. i asked my older two what they were going to wear and my oldest showed me her prom dress and my middle said she couldn't decide and walked out of her room with 3 of her church/homecoming dresses. two of them were $50 from a boutique near us and the third was from the macy's children's section (middle is tiny). they're nice dresses but i would never let her wear them to a wedding. i pulled out a dress that she wore at another wedding and told her i wanted her to wear that. she said no because her cousin said causal and she doesn't want to upstage anyone. i tried telling her it's their choice not to dress for the occasion and that i'm not paying for her to fly across the country just to wear any old dress. she also was upset that i'm taking her to get her hair, nails, and makeup professionally done before the wedding and we will be taking pictures while we're there. she still refused and ran to tell my mom (nephew's grandma) that i won't let her wear what she wants and that i'm trying to upstage my nephew's fiance (i'm not trying to upstage anyone, i just want my daughters to look their best when they see family members that they haven't seen in years). my mom said i'm going overboard and to let the girls wear their church dresses. i told her my girls will be dressed formally no matter what everyone else is wearing and she threatened to buy my middle daughter a new dress to wear and take her nails and makeup off because she wants to follow the dress code. my husband thinks i'm going overboard and i should let her wear what she wants but my oldest agrees with me. we can't settle this so i wanted to know if i was wrong in this situation. [/INST] yta you're going to be upstaging the wedding party, which is tackier than showing up dressed down. my mom taught me "good etiquette is knowing which fork to use. good manners is using the wrong one when your guest does". your perspective on wedding etiquette is second to their wishes. your opinion on what a wedding should or should not be shouldn't trump what the bride and groom want and have requested. this isn't your day, it's theirs. </s>
AITA for making someone feel bad for having an obscenely expensive diamond ring.	so i realize i’m probably the asshole here. looking for unbiased responses. i work in marketing and in my department there are 3-4 women who either have ridiculously wealthy families or have married very wealthy men (our jobs are not that high paying themselves). they talk a lot about expensive things like clothes, shoes, vacations etc. it can get annoying because they very obviously look down on some of our lifestyles. last friday one girl came in with a huge diamond ring. it was honestly kinda tacky in my opinion but i didn’t say anything. someone asked her how much it was and she said it was 45k!!! i was speechless honestly, but she married this private equity guy who could afford it i guess. later in the day i was chatting with some other coworkers and i said that i feel like wearing a 45k ring while people in this world are dying of poverty means you’re objectively a bad, morally empty person. i didn’t say it to her directly, but several people were nearby. the people i was talking to all agreed and said it was excessive and not classy at all. last night i got a text from my boss saying that word has been spreading that i’m “bullying” this girl and we need to have a chat sometime this week. i’m not sure how casual talk like that can count as bullying but i can see where i maybe went overboard. now i’m not sure if i should defend myself or just admit fault and apologize when the meeting comes. aita?	4,249	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bqu4jq/aita_for_making_someone_feel_bad_for_having_an/	2019-05-20 11:06:44	yta. i’m pretty sure having a nice ring doesn’t mean you’re morally depraved. are you out there spending all of your time and money trying to fix the world’s problems? or are you just talking the talk to make yourself feel special?	yta. did it make you feel better to say such nasty things about her behind her back? and yes, it is a bullying behaviour. how expensive a ring is ok? $1k? $10k? you have no idea either if she or her husband use their wealth to help people or not. no clue. do you own anything that costs more than the cheapest but still effective version? do you own any brand name things that have off-brand equivalents that are as good? where's the line?	yta i smell petty jealousy.	yta >i said that i feel like wearing a 45k ring while people in this world are dying of poverty means you’re objectively a bad, morally empty person. so where does that line get drawn? i mean technically internet access and smartphones are a luxury, shall we judge everyone with a smartphone? after all the money wasted on them could feed the hungry... you want to help people dying of poverty, donate your own money to them. it's none of your fucking business what anyone else does with their money.	yta. stop gossiping about other people. it’s really that simple.	yta for talking shit at work. i agree with your view on the ring, but at work you have to just say 'congrats' and move on. edit for clarity, i agree by being generally against large, showy, wealth flaunting jewelry. i would not say having the ring equals moral depravity	yta, and super jealous too. i'm sure you have things that could be termed as unnecessary luxuries that you could have skipped and used the money to help the people dying from poverty.	yta being rich and not spending enough of your income on charity to please every person in your life doesn’t make you a morally bad person.	perhaps a clash of cultures here, but who the fuck asks a person how much their ring cost? that's way more tacky than any ring could ever be. whether a ring cost $45 or $45k is no ones business and discussing peoples jewelry, regardless of price, behind their back is a lot less classy than wearing an expensive ring.	yta. you sound jealous and spiteful. don't gossip at work, it only makes you look like an asshole.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i realize i’m probably the asshole here. looking for unbiased responses. i work in marketing and in my department there are 3-4 women who either have ridiculously wealthy families or have married very wealthy men (our jobs are not that high paying themselves). they talk a lot about expensive things like clothes, shoes, vacations etc. it can get annoying because they very obviously look down on some of our lifestyles. last friday one girl came in with a huge diamond ring. it was honestly kinda tacky in my opinion but i didn’t say anything. someone asked her how much it was and she said it was 45k!!! i was speechless honestly, but she married this private equity guy who could afford it i guess. later in the day i was chatting with some other coworkers and i said that i feel like wearing a 45k ring while people in this world are dying of poverty means you’re objectively a bad, morally empty person. i didn’t say it to her directly, but several people were nearby. the people i was talking to all agreed and said it was excessive and not classy at all. last night i got a text from my boss saying that word has been spreading that i’m “bullying” this girl and we need to have a chat sometime this week. i’m not sure how casual talk like that can count as bullying but i can see where i maybe went overboard. now i’m not sure if i should defend myself or just admit fault and apologize when the meeting comes. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so i realize i’m probably the asshole here. looking for unbiased responses. i work in marketing and in my department there are 3-4 women who either have ridiculously wealthy families or have married very wealthy men (our jobs are not that high paying themselves). they talk a lot about expensive things like clothes, shoes, vacations etc. it can get annoying because they very obviously look down on some of our lifestyles. last friday one girl came in with a huge diamond ring. it was honestly kinda tacky in my opinion but i didn’t say anything. someone asked her how much it was and she said it was 45k!!! i was speechless honestly, but she married this private equity guy who could afford it i guess. later in the day i was chatting with some other coworkers and i said that i feel like wearing a 45k ring while people in this world are dying of poverty means you’re objectively a bad, morally empty person. i didn’t say it to her directly, but several people were nearby. the people i was talking to all agreed and said it was excessive and not classy at all. last night i got a text from my boss saying that word has been spreading that i’m “bullying” this girl and we need to have a chat sometime this week. i’m not sure how casual talk like that can count as bullying but i can see where i maybe went overboard. now i’m not sure if i should defend myself or just admit fault and apologize when the meeting comes. aita? [/INST] yta. i’m pretty sure having a nice ring doesn’t mean you’re morally depraved. are you out there spending all of your time and money trying to fix the world’s problems? or are you just talking the talk to make yourself feel special? </s>
AITA for charging rent from my dad but not from my mom?	my father and his family lost their home and had no place to live. he has a teenage son, my half brother, who is 15 and a known smoker. because they had nowhere else to go, i offered them to stay at our other house we usually rent out to other people. the house is situated within our property, just next to our home. prior to my dad moving in, my mother and my sister moved in with us 6 months ago after my stepdad passed away. we have many spare bedrooms in our home so them moving in wasn't a problem. . this is where the conflict arises : i don't charge rent from my mom. i don't let her cook. i cook for 5 people in our home (my husband, my mom, my toddler and my sister). it's just my way of looking out for my mom because that's what she did for me when i was young and struggling. she raised me as a single mother for years.. my dad has a problem with this because i am charging him and his wife the same rent i charge other tenants (it's a well furnished house). he thinks i'm playing favourites between parents because i don't charge my mom any money. he thinks he should pay less rent as compared to other tenants because i'm his daughter. apparently, he doesn't like to be reminded of the fact that he charged me rent the one time when i was very sick and had to move in with him and his wife when i was in college. i had a part time job, and struggled to pay my bills with my illness. i wasn't shown any consideration. he also has a problem because my husband doesn't help him out with his groceries. he is older now, 71 and thinks we should be the one getting him his groceries. we don't think so, his wife is 50 and he has a young son. they can be the ones doing the grocery shopping if he's to fragile to move around. aita?	20,645	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fx7ox4/aita_for_charging_rent_from_my_dad_but_not_from/	2020-04-08 14:44:21	nta. your dad charged you rent. your dad is occupying space you’d otherwise earn income on, your mom isn’t. anyway, even without the above points, you’re allowed to like your mom more or to give her more support.	nta for the rent. he did the same to you. (even if not. he's not entitled to cheaper rent) also he gets a whole house and it doesn't appear that you mom gets more than a bedroom. that's a big difference. but maybe you should consider helping him with the groceries right now. he appears to be very high risk and should probably be completely insulating himself (and his family).	nta sounds like a case of “you reap what you sow”	nta...your dad hasn’t shown you the same consideration and accommodation in the past. your mom did, and you are entitled to do as you please. if they want, they can find somewhere else to live.	you owe no one an explanation as to how you run your property. if ppl don’t like their arrangement ... they can find another place to live w an arrangement they do like. the fuck w ppl and their emotional abuse! f that noise and live your life.	nta he can always find somewhere else to live 🤷🏽‍♀️	i mean, very much nta. your father sounds like a piece of work and seems to think you’re punishing him by charging rent in a place you graciously let him live. the room in your house isn’t a rental property. you wouldn’t rent it to a stranger. your mother lives there and i’m sure helps with your toddler. his place is a rental property. i’d do my best to leave the convo there.	nta. your father is accusing you of playing favourites, but here's the thing: you shouldn't play favourites with children, but with parents, if one parent was far more helpful and supportive than the other, why the hell wouldn't you have a favourite? not to mention, your mother and sister are living in the main house which you never rent out, so are costing you nothing. meanwhile, you father, stepmum and brother are all in rooms that you would otherwise be renting out to strangers and would be directly costing you income if they paid less. frankly, this seems so cut and dried that i almost want to downvote for validation. the only questionable part is groceries, due to the very specific circumstances in the world right now, but you say that his wife and son are both capable, and the shops are only a 5 minute walk away, so really there's nothing about this situation that is even debatable. you're allowed to play favourites with adults, especially when there are tangible reasons for choosing one other another.	\> he thinks i'm playing favourites between parents because i don't charge my mom any money. you are, because your mother was the better parent. the one who raised you single-handedly. he's lucky you're helping him at all. nta	nta. you reap what you sow, maybe suggest he try finding a new place to live. it sounds like it’s going to be an ongoing problem	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my father and his family lost their home and had no place to live. he has a teenage son, my half brother, who is 15 and a known smoker. because they had nowhere else to go, i offered them to stay at our other house we usually rent out to other people. the house is situated within our property, just next to our home. prior to my dad moving in, my mother and my sister moved in with us 6 months ago after my stepdad passed away. we have many spare bedrooms in our home so them moving in wasn't a problem. . this is where the conflict arises : i don't charge rent from my mom. i don't let her cook. i cook for 5 people in our home (my husband, my mom, my toddler and my sister). it's just my way of looking out for my mom because that's what she did for me when i was young and struggling. she raised me as a single mother for years.. my dad has a problem with this because i am charging him and his wife the same rent i charge other tenants (it's a well furnished house). he thinks i'm playing favourites between parents because i don't charge my mom any money. he thinks he should pay less rent as compared to other tenants because i'm his daughter. apparently, he doesn't like to be reminded of the fact that he charged me rent the one time when i was very sick and had to move in with him and his wife when i was in college. i had a part time job, and struggled to pay my bills with my illness. i wasn't shown any consideration. he also has a problem because my husband doesn't help him out with his groceries. he is older now, 71 and thinks we should be the one getting him his groceries. we don't think so, his wife is 50 and he has a young son. they can be the ones doing the grocery shopping if he's to fragile to move around. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my father and his family lost their home and had no place to live. he has a teenage son, my half brother, who is 15 and a known smoker. because they had nowhere else to go, i offered them to stay at our other house we usually rent out to other people. the house is situated within our property, just next to our home. prior to my dad moving in, my mother and my sister moved in with us 6 months ago after my stepdad passed away. we have many spare bedrooms in our home so them moving in wasn't a problem. . this is where the conflict arises : i don't charge rent from my mom. i don't let her cook. i cook for 5 people in our home (my husband, my mom, my toddler and my sister). it's just my way of looking out for my mom because that's what she did for me when i was young and struggling. she raised me as a single mother for years.. my dad has a problem with this because i am charging him and his wife the same rent i charge other tenants (it's a well furnished house). he thinks i'm playing favourites between parents because i don't charge my mom any money. he thinks he should pay less rent as compared to other tenants because i'm his daughter. apparently, he doesn't like to be reminded of the fact that he charged me rent the one time when i was very sick and had to move in with him and his wife when i was in college. i had a part time job, and struggled to pay my bills with my illness. i wasn't shown any consideration. he also has a problem because my husband doesn't help him out with his groceries. he is older now, 71 and thinks we should be the one getting him his groceries. we don't think so, his wife is 50 and he has a young son. they can be the ones doing the grocery shopping if he's to fragile to move around. aita? [/INST] nta. your dad charged you rent. your dad is occupying space you’d otherwise earn income on, your mom isn’t. anyway, even without the above points, you’re allowed to like your mom more or to give her more support. </s>
AITA for only paying for myself when my fiance and future inlaws invited me to a NYE dinner at a scale restaurant?	i f32 just got engaged to my fiance m37 sam. we do not live together because we're waiting til marriage given he and his family are highly conservative christians but they're really nice and loveable people. i had plans to spend nye with sam but he said he was out for nye dinner celebration with his parents then called me again inviting me to join them and i happily did. his parents were there, <they welcomed me and ordered many dishes and desserts and drinks. we celebrated and had great time that is until it was time to pay. i pulled my wallet out of my bag letting them know that we'll split the check between us. sam mumbled "no you don't have to, we invited you" but i insisted. he and his parents then stared at me; i asked what was wrong and both mil & fil said they didn't have money on them. i was shocked i turned to sam and he said he too forgot his wallet at home and didn't bring enough money to cover even on round of drinks. his dad then laughed nervously "aright so guess we should let the doctor pay!!" i was taken a back i said i'm sorry but no this is just so much money to spend on one dinner by myself and i didn't think i was expected to pay the entire bill. sam said i should pay and he'd pay me back later but i said no since i know he will have to get a job to pay that much money. i said i'm sorry but this isn't the first time i've been put in this situation by him and family where i'm expected to rescue them after they somehow forgot their wallets and expectbothers to pay hundreds for their extravagant dinner. i told them i'll only pay for what i had and that's it, he and his parents were shocked. they started arguing about how i have the potential to pay right there and then but i was acting as if they were strangers not family but that doesn't mean i'm obligated to pay, how could someone go out to a fancy restuarant, order so many dishes, desserts and drinks without bringing money?. sam begged that i just do it and call it a night but i refused. the argument got heated then i got up and walked out. sam called later at 2am basically yelling that i ruined nye celebration and made his parents suffer because i refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me. i told him how unfair it was for me to pay even if i have a good salary doesn't mean i want to spend it all on fancy dinner. he didn't reply he just said he'll pray that my parents will let this go and not resent me after i basically damaged the relationship with them. i felt awful thinking i should've covered the bill instead of leaving. aita?	26,242	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rti8bm/aita_for_only_paying_for_myself_when_my_fiance/	2022-01-01 12:09:30	nta. they all conveniently left their wallets at home, it doesn’t seem likely they forgot them at all, and they invited you with the expectation that you’ll pay. you should rethink marrying this guy, he expected you to pay for an expensive meal, without your knowledge and you’ve been put in this situation before by him, it seems he’s using you for money and that’s extended to his family. they ruined their own nye, by trying to force someone else to pay for a meal they cannot afford. edit. thank you for the awards and upvotes.	lol. well you have to admire their nerve. "he'll pray that my parents will let this go" and im praying you let his parents go. ffs nta.	nta >sam called later at 2am basically yelling that i ruined nye celebration and made his parents suffer because i refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me. i was wtfing throughout most of your op, but this is where my jaw hit the floor and made off for the sunset. it's so painfully obvious that your future husband and in-laws are using you for your money. they weren't being "gracious" to invite you; it was a calculated move so that you'd end up in a position to pick up the entire bill and your husband should be mortified that they did this. instead he's backing his parents up and manipulating you into thinking that you should've rolled over and paid. you need to rethink this marriage. this isn't the first and it won't be the last time you will be put in this position and it's clear that your husband will always be on the side of his supposedly "nice and lovable" parents while they all take advantage of you. is this what you want the rest of your life to look like?	nta. sounds like you were invited just to pay the bill. red flag.	so hold on ... 🚩 you had plans with sam until he informed you he had plans with his parents, leaving you solo 🚩 he invited you what sounds like after their partying has begun - why would they be not inviting you to begin with? 🚩 he mumbles something that sounds like they'd cover you but ... 🚩 ... they then pressure you into paying, pulling a lot of emotional manipulation ("acting as if strangers not family") 🚩 your fiance's father makes a joke out of saying "guess we'll let the doctor pay" 🚩 fiance has no job, apparently 🚩 they've done this before 🚩 your fiance doesn't have your back at all, and is now *blaming" you 🚩 fiance is also now implying you've "damaged the relationship" tl;dr: your unemployed fiance doesn't respect you enough to even include you in celebratory events, and neither does his family, with the exception of using you as a family atm and clearly sees you that way. also, if they were able to leave the restaurant, they clearly had means to pay and only invited you to get you to foot the bill. you have a terrible partner.	nta. this was a set up and good for you for refusing to go along with it. i would rethink this marriage since your fiancé and his parents want you to be the family cash cow. if this has happened before, they they should have been extra careful not to forget their wallets again. and calling you ‘the doctor’ was very telling. and why doesn’t a 37 year old man have enough money to pay a restaurant bill?	nta but i’m wondering why you are planning to marry this man and also become a member of his family? he’s clearly using you for money. that’s the only reason they invited you at the last minute and then conveniently’forgot’ their wallets	yta for posting this fake ass story. yta for becoming a doctor by 32, (after residency?), and not figure out how to use a period or comma. yta for letting this happen multiple times, apparently (if true). yta for not living with your fiancé before marriage when he doesn’t have a job. yta for accepting a proposal from a man who doesn’t have a job when you have one that will keep you incredibly busy as being a “doctor” does. yta for apparently being so sheltered you have no problem with any of the aspects of this relationship. yta for not responding “who the hell doesn’t bring their wallet to a restaurant where we’ll be drinking at it’s the law to check all ids before serving alcohol?” i’d be very concerned if you were my doctor considering your people and decision-making skills. good luck with the wedding you’ll be paying for yourself and the family of fucking weirdos attached to it. jk there is no wedding or fiancé, but cute write up. clearly fun for a laugh	nta, but you will be if you stay in this relationship. you have three adults here who all “forgot” their wallets. i thought it was weird that you weren’t invited in the first place and it escalated really quickly. i hope you leave this relationship. you are being used by this family and you don’t even have a wedding ring yet. considering this is not the first time this has happened i am seeing a red banner. forgot the flags. we need something bigger here. also, why does your 37 year old fiancé not have a job and why are you okay with this?	wait a second, “lovable” people forget their means to pay at dinner more than once? how many times have you fallen for this? what are you doing agreeing to marry someone who acts this way?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	null	0.04134	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f32 just got engaged to my fiance m37 sam. we do not live together because we're waiting til marriage given he and his family are highly conservative christians but they're really nice and loveable people. i had plans to spend nye with sam but he said he was out for nye dinner celebration with his parents then called me again inviting me to join them and i happily did. his parents were there, <they welcomed me and ordered many dishes and desserts and drinks. we celebrated and had great time that is until it was time to pay. i pulled my wallet out of my bag letting them know that we'll split the check between us. sam mumbled "no you don't have to, we invited you" but i insisted. he and his parents then stared at me; i asked what was wrong and both mil & fil said they didn't have money on them. i was shocked i turned to sam and he said he too forgot his wallet at home and didn't bring enough money to cover even on round of drinks. his dad then laughed nervously "aright so guess we should let the doctor pay!!" i was taken a back i said i'm sorry but no this is just so much money to spend on one dinner by myself and i didn't think i was expected to pay the entire bill. sam said i should pay and he'd pay me back later but i said no since i know he will have to get a job to pay that much money. i said i'm sorry but this isn't the first time i've been put in this situation by him and family where i'm expected to rescue them after they somehow forgot their wallets and expectbothers to pay hundreds for their extravagant dinner. i told them i'll only pay for what i had and that's it, he and his parents were shocked. they started arguing about how i have the potential to pay right there and then but i was acting as if they were strangers not family but that doesn't mean i'm obligated to pay, how could someone go out to a fancy restuarant, order so many dishes, desserts and drinks without bringing money?. sam begged that i just do it and call it a night but i refused. the argument got heated then i got up and walked out. sam called later at 2am basically yelling that i ruined nye celebration and made his parents suffer because i refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me. i told him how unfair it was for me to pay even if i have a good salary doesn't mean i want to spend it all on fancy dinner. he didn't reply he just said he'll pray that my parents will let this go and not resent me after i basically damaged the relationship with them. i felt awful thinking i should've covered the bill instead of leaving. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i f32 just got engaged to my fiance m37 sam. we do not live together because we're waiting til marriage given he and his family are highly conservative christians but they're really nice and loveable people. i had plans to spend nye with sam but he said he was out for nye dinner celebration with his parents then called me again inviting me to join them and i happily did. his parents were there, <they welcomed me and ordered many dishes and desserts and drinks. we celebrated and had great time that is until it was time to pay. i pulled my wallet out of my bag letting them know that we'll split the check between us. sam mumbled "no you don't have to, we invited you" but i insisted. he and his parents then stared at me; i asked what was wrong and both mil & fil said they didn't have money on them. i was shocked i turned to sam and he said he too forgot his wallet at home and didn't bring enough money to cover even on round of drinks. his dad then laughed nervously "aright so guess we should let the doctor pay!!" i was taken a back i said i'm sorry but no this is just so much money to spend on one dinner by myself and i didn't think i was expected to pay the entire bill. sam said i should pay and he'd pay me back later but i said no since i know he will have to get a job to pay that much money. i said i'm sorry but this isn't the first time i've been put in this situation by him and family where i'm expected to rescue them after they somehow forgot their wallets and expectbothers to pay hundreds for their extravagant dinner. i told them i'll only pay for what i had and that's it, he and his parents were shocked. they started arguing about how i have the potential to pay right there and then but i was acting as if they were strangers not family but that doesn't mean i'm obligated to pay, how could someone go out to a fancy restuarant, order so many dishes, desserts and drinks without bringing money?. sam begged that i just do it and call it a night but i refused. the argument got heated then i got up and walked out. sam called later at 2am basically yelling that i ruined nye celebration and made his parents suffer because i refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me. i told him how unfair it was for me to pay even if i have a good salary doesn't mean i want to spend it all on fancy dinner. he didn't reply he just said he'll pray that my parents will let this go and not resent me after i basically damaged the relationship with them. i felt awful thinking i should've covered the bill instead of leaving. aita? [/INST] nta. they all conveniently left their wallets at home, it doesn’t seem likely they forgot them at all, and they invited you with the expectation that you’ll pay. you should rethink marrying this guy, he expected you to pay for an expensive meal, without your knowledge and you’ve been put in this situation before by him, it seems he’s using you for money and that’s extended to his family. they ruined their own nye, by trying to force someone else to pay for a meal they cannot afford. edit. thank you for the awards and upvotes. </s>
AITA for asking my wife not to discuss oir twin daughters periods with me?	my wife and i have twin daughters who are about to hit puberty. i don't know much about female puberty stuff because i come from a sexually repressed culture. i don't think they are gross or anything like that but i definitely don't want to discuss about my daughter's periods. my wife keeps bringing up this issue with me. i'm really grossed out because they are my daughters. when i told her not to talk to me about that stuff anymore, she got upset with me and asked me what i would do if anything happened to her. i told her that i'd ask my sister for help. well, she started crying and called me an asshole after that. aita here?	7,574	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwr3l5/aita_for_asking_my_wife_not_to_discuss_oir_twin/	2019-06-04 17:00:57	yta females go through this and now she feels you'll not really take care of the girls if something happens to her. you've made her think you'll just ignore any problems they come to you about in regards to female issues. grow up man.	yta. you have daughters, be an engaged father.	yta. by being embarrassed/ashamed to talk about your daughter's periods, you're teaching them that their bodies are something to be ashamed of. you're teaching them that they can't go to you for help. even if you're not explicitly saying it, they'll pick up on it also... > i don't think they are gross or anything like that > i'm really grossed out because they are my daughters 🤔🤔🤔	yta you need to grow the hell up	yta: read a book or watch a video on puberty and female anatomy. you are an adult man who is afraid of vaginas. you have a wife and two daughters, be better. do better.	yta they’re her daughters, too. there is nothing inherently sexual about knowing about these processes of the body & being informed of what’s going on with your daughter’s health. get educated, buy some tampons. christ.	yta. your daughters are about to enter a very delicate stage of life, they will be uncomfortable with their bodies, and they will need you to show them what they are going through is perfectly natural and healthy. by being unwilling to discuss this stuff, you are showing them that they should be ashamed of their natural state. they should hide their body's workings from men, and prepare to find mates that won't be interested in their bodily health. you are the first example of a man these girls have. think about what you want them to interpret men to be like, and think about what kind of men you would like them to be with. periods are common, they are monthly, and they can be debilitating. your daughters should feel comfortable and safe talking with you about it. if they had that freedom with you, it would be empowering to them. please reconsider your stance.	yta dude, it's human anatomy. this shit is normal. the health of your children is important. grow up. buy a box a tampons or pads when asked, because this is normal. don't ask them about their flow. don't tell them they are moody because of pms. don't avoid them because they are on their period and you think it's "gross". your position on this is the only thing gross here. signed - the stepdad with two daughters who have periods	yes, yta!!!!!!!!!!!!! &#x200b; women menstruate. we will not be shamed for it. my god, you have had sex with your wife at least one time, if you are mature enough to stick your dick in a vag you are mature enough to hear about periods. seriously, what if your wife dies? your just going to ignore that you have 2 women in your fam now?	yta and part of oppressive culture. people like you are the reason there is a crisis in women's sanitation in places like india.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have twin daughters who are about to hit puberty. i don't know much about female puberty stuff because i come from a sexually repressed culture. i don't think they are gross or anything like that but i definitely don't want to discuss about my daughter's periods. my wife keeps bringing up this issue with me. i'm really grossed out because they are my daughters. when i told her not to talk to me about that stuff anymore, she got upset with me and asked me what i would do if anything happened to her. i told her that i'd ask my sister for help. well, she started crying and called me an asshole after that. aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife and i have twin daughters who are about to hit puberty. i don't know much about female puberty stuff because i come from a sexually repressed culture. i don't think they are gross or anything like that but i definitely don't want to discuss about my daughter's periods. my wife keeps bringing up this issue with me. i'm really grossed out because they are my daughters. when i told her not to talk to me about that stuff anymore, she got upset with me and asked me what i would do if anything happened to her. i told her that i'd ask my sister for help. well, she started crying and called me an asshole after that. aita here? [/INST] yta females go through this and now she feels you'll not really take care of the girls if something happens to her. you've made her think you'll just ignore any problems they come to you about in regards to female issues. grow up man. </s>
AITA For blowing up on my wife for spending 8k on a motorcycle for my stepson?	i have been with my wife for over 6 years. i have a 17 year old stepson and a biological 22 year old son. the family had ups and down just like any other family. my son is getting married in feb. i have put some money aside to help him out as a gift from me for his wedding. i've already talked to him about it and he and his fiancèe said they appreciate it very much. my son deserves it because before his mom died he took over her care and spent nights at the hospital with her. he cried many many times because his mother's death broke him. i'm glad he found happiness again. - my stepson is a motorcyclist/ it started off as a hobby. he has posters of all kinds of motorcycles, pictures of famous racers and motorcyclists. he has a group of friends he calls brothers and they ride together and wear some kind of bracelets that represent the group. he always does 3d arts and logos which i find stunning to be honest. he's talented no question about it. anyway. before christmas his mom told me she wanted to get him a motorcycle as a christmas gift and he'd love it so much. i told her i can't afford it. and that maybe she should think of another gift for him. everything was fine until christmas day while we were exchanging gifts. my stepson received a small box from my wife that had a key in it. we were confused. she told him to go outside and we all followed and then i saw a brand new motorcycle in the driveway. i started wondering where she got the money i didn't bring it up right there and then. i waited a bit. i asked my wife and she told me that she took 8k from the account to buy the motorcycle. i effing lost it. i blew up on her and asked if she was kidding me. 8k that's the money i put aside for my son's wedding. she said that i needed to calm down but the money was already gone. my son showed up and asked what was wrong. i couldn't tell him his stepmom took the money that was meant for him to buy an expensive motorcycle that i'm sure my stepson will throw in the garage just like he did the old ones in a very short time. so far he had two motorcycles that ended up being damaged. those motorcycles cost us so much money other than paying for spares and parts that needed repairing. i told my wife she has two days to return the motorcycle and get the money back and she defended herself saying she can't do that because it'd be devastating for my stepson and that he'll resent me if he knew i made her return the motorcycle. i told her that i was ready to talk to him and explain if that's what it takes and she started crying saying i was okay with my stepson's spirit crushing like that. i told her it was her fault for taking money in the first place without telling me. she went upstairs amd stayed there the entire night. i haven't even talked my son yet and it's so exhausting since my wife says i'm being cruel to my stepson. problem is she says my stepson will resent me if i return the motorcycle.	18,496	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kqaqft/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_wife_for_spending_8k_on/	2021-01-04 15:20:45	nta. wtf. she bought a motorcycle for 8k, nevermind using money that's not hers, and expected you to just be ok with it? huge red flag. there was no respect for boundaries here.	nta. financial infidelity is just as damaging to a marriage as physical infidelity, imho. i’d be thinking some serious thoughts about what is going on in your wife’s head, like how did she think you would react, why didn’t she care and was she actively trying to sabotage you from contributing to your son’s wedding?	nta. here's the thing--if someone gave me an $8,000 gift and i found out it was using someone else's money, i would be angry that the gift giver stole from someone else--i wouldn't resent the victim. take a good minute to think about that--if your stepson had any decency, there would be no chance he'd resent you. don't feel bad about insisting on your wife coming up with the entire amount back somehow--i doubt you'll get the whole amount back from the motorcycle.	info: has she added any money to that account, or is it only your contributions? just curious if it’s a joint account and if she’s contributed to it over time. if she hasn’t, she is an ah for spending $8k without talking to you about it, especially since you had it earmarked. if she has, it’s a little muddier. did she agree that all the money goes to the wedding? still, unless she contributed $8k or close to it she’s at minimum esh for not discussing how to spend joint funds.	nta. you need to separate your finances immediately so that she can never pull a stunt like that again. she does not have your back and never will. she is okay with crushing your son while providing her son with yet another toy. this is a hill i would die on. she needs to return your money to you. if she doesn't, talk to your step-son and tell him that his mother embezzled the money from you to buy the motorcycle and that the motorcycle will need to be taken back and the money returned. he needs to understand that, if he is upset, the blames rests solely on his mother. frankly, i would give her 2 choices: 1. return the money in 2 days; or 2. pack up get out. you needs to get yourself an attorney and file for divorce.	nta your wife puts her son over yours. as far as she is concerned - that money belongs to her son. the real questions are: 1. did your wife know the 8k was for your son and knew that when you started setting the money aside? i'm assuming yes. 2. why does she put her son over yours is such an asshole manner? that is a discussion you really need to have with her.	>defended herself saying she can't do that because it'd be devastating for my stepson nta. she should have thought about it before going behind your back and stealing your money. she's guilt tripping you. don't give her a leg to stand on. talk to your step-son, explain the situation before she lies to him. say that while it sucks, you two can figure out how to get him a new bike. but this time perhaps you only pay for half and he pays for other half (not right now, over time). that way maybe he'll start looking after his own stuff and stop breaking them. while i understand he might be a good kid, everything is given to him. he will end up never appreciating stuff because he doesn't put money, time and sweat into what he uses.	nta she straight up stole from you and is trying to make you out to be the bad guy. you might consider taking legal actions if she doesn't cooperate.	[deleted]	info: did you consult your wife about giving that money to your son? or were those funds just yours?	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	INFO	0.02053	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been with my wife for over 6 years. i have a 17 year old stepson and a biological 22 year old son. the family had ups and down just like any other family. my son is getting married in feb. i have put some money aside to help him out as a gift from me for his wedding. i've already talked to him about it and he and his fiancèe said they appreciate it very much. my son deserves it because before his mom died he took over her care and spent nights at the hospital with her. he cried many many times because his mother's death broke him. i'm glad he found happiness again. - my stepson is a motorcyclist/ it started off as a hobby. he has posters of all kinds of motorcycles, pictures of famous racers and motorcyclists. he has a group of friends he calls brothers and they ride together and wear some kind of bracelets that represent the group. he always does 3d arts and logos which i find stunning to be honest. he's talented no question about it. anyway. before christmas his mom told me she wanted to get him a motorcycle as a christmas gift and he'd love it so much. i told her i can't afford it. and that maybe she should think of another gift for him. everything was fine until christmas day while we were exchanging gifts. my stepson received a small box from my wife that had a key in it. we were confused. she told him to go outside and we all followed and then i saw a brand new motorcycle in the driveway. i started wondering where she got the money i didn't bring it up right there and then. i waited a bit. i asked my wife and she told me that she took 8k from the account to buy the motorcycle. i effing lost it. i blew up on her and asked if she was kidding me. 8k that's the money i put aside for my son's wedding. she said that i needed to calm down but the money was already gone. my son showed up and asked what was wrong. i couldn't tell him his stepmom took the money that was meant for him to buy an expensive motorcycle that i'm sure my stepson will throw in the garage just like he did the old ones in a very short time. so far he had two motorcycles that ended up being damaged. those motorcycles cost us so much money other than paying for spares and parts that needed repairing. i told my wife she has two days to return the motorcycle and get the money back and she defended herself saying she can't do that because it'd be devastating for my stepson and that he'll resent me if he knew i made her return the motorcycle. i told her that i was ready to talk to him and explain if that's what it takes and she started crying saying i was okay with my stepson's spirit crushing like that. i told her it was her fault for taking money in the first place without telling me. she went upstairs amd stayed there the entire night. i haven't even talked my son yet and it's so exhausting since my wife says i'm being cruel to my stepson. problem is she says my stepson will resent me if i return the motorcycle.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have been with my wife for over 6 years. i have a 17 year old stepson and a biological 22 year old son. the family had ups and down just like any other family. my son is getting married in feb. i have put some money aside to help him out as a gift from me for his wedding. i've already talked to him about it and he and his fiancèe said they appreciate it very much. my son deserves it because before his mom died he took over her care and spent nights at the hospital with her. he cried many many times because his mother's death broke him. i'm glad he found happiness again. - my stepson is a motorcyclist/ it started off as a hobby. he has posters of all kinds of motorcycles, pictures of famous racers and motorcyclists. he has a group of friends he calls brothers and they ride together and wear some kind of bracelets that represent the group. he always does 3d arts and logos which i find stunning to be honest. he's talented no question about it. anyway. before christmas his mom told me she wanted to get him a motorcycle as a christmas gift and he'd love it so much. i told her i can't afford it. and that maybe she should think of another gift for him. everything was fine until christmas day while we were exchanging gifts. my stepson received a small box from my wife that had a key in it. we were confused. she told him to go outside and we all followed and then i saw a brand new motorcycle in the driveway. i started wondering where she got the money i didn't bring it up right there and then. i waited a bit. i asked my wife and she told me that she took 8k from the account to buy the motorcycle. i effing lost it. i blew up on her and asked if she was kidding me. 8k that's the money i put aside for my son's wedding. she said that i needed to calm down but the money was already gone. my son showed up and asked what was wrong. i couldn't tell him his stepmom took the money that was meant for him to buy an expensive motorcycle that i'm sure my stepson will throw in the garage just like he did the old ones in a very short time. so far he had two motorcycles that ended up being damaged. those motorcycles cost us so much money other than paying for spares and parts that needed repairing. i told my wife she has two days to return the motorcycle and get the money back and she defended herself saying she can't do that because it'd be devastating for my stepson and that he'll resent me if he knew i made her return the motorcycle. i told her that i was ready to talk to him and explain if that's what it takes and she started crying saying i was okay with my stepson's spirit crushing like that. i told her it was her fault for taking money in the first place without telling me. she went upstairs amd stayed there the entire night. i haven't even talked my son yet and it's so exhausting since my wife says i'm being cruel to my stepson. problem is she says my stepson will resent me if i return the motorcycle. [/INST] nta. wtf. she bought a motorcycle for 8k, nevermind using money that's not hers, and expected you to just be ok with it? huge red flag. there was no respect for boundaries here. </s>
AITA for telling my son he deserved his gf breaking up with him?	so my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. she was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. she was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her. i tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. he said no. and my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. i spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. which is fair enough. he said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. my son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. last week, he told us she’s dumped him. i went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. i confessed to them both that i actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. he did not treat her properly and i hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. i said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. wife and son are very upset that i said this. very very upset and my wife says i am being horrible. aita? i stand by what i said.	47,767	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/daglhs/aita_for_telling_my_son_he_deserved_his_gf/	2019-09-28 14:21:44	nta. that's the truth. what age is he?	nta it’s a truth he needs to hear. i’m more concerned about the reaction of your wife. does she enable your son’s laziness?	nta. he's been too lazy with the relationship anyway. the girl deserves someone better and your son needs to know that it takes effort to make a relationship work.	nta - as lizzo says “truth hurts” lol	nta. your son needs to learn that relationships are about give and take; he can't do all the taking, and if you needed to be the one pointing it out then so be it.	[removed]	nta but a sticky situation. your son was in the wrong and he needed to here it but because he is your son i can see why your wife would be mad at you for saying that. if you said it bluntly it could sound cold and mean but if you had a nice talk with your son and communicate better it would work for telling him when he is being stupid. you could start off in a supporting manner saying stuff like "there are other fish in the sea" yadda yadda ect... and then tell him that he could have been a better boyfriend.	info: this seems incredibly odd. your son wasn't even willing to fly to see her even when she said she'd only move if he visited her. are you sure there's not some other reason he doesn't want to fly? it might just be me but it seems quite strange for someone to turn down a holiday and seeing their girlfriend of two years "just because".	esh. like, everybody. your son for lack of effort. your wife for enabling him. the girlfriend, assuming your assumption she was cheating is correct. and you for piling on. your son already knew how you felt since you already told him. he messed up. he is hurting. now is not the time for "i told you so."	yta this sub, sometimes... to quote the big lebowski, "you aren't wrong, walter. you're just an asshole". yes, he was lazy. yes, she should have broken up with him. that said, no one wants their father, someone who should be their most ardent supporter, shaming them in their moment of vulnerability. save it for when you're both reminiscing/reflecting. give him time to reach that conclusion on his own and support him through his growth. don't shove it down his throat so you can feel good because you're right.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	INFO	ESH	YTA	0.186339	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. she was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. she was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her. i tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. he said no. and my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. i spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. which is fair enough. he said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. my son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. last week, he told us she’s dumped him. i went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. i confessed to them both that i actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. he did not treat her properly and i hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. i said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. wife and son are very upset that i said this. very very upset and my wife says i am being horrible. aita? i stand by what i said.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. she was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. she was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her. i tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. he said no. and my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. i spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. which is fair enough. he said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. my son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. last week, he told us she’s dumped him. i went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. i confessed to them both that i actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. he did not treat her properly and i hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. i said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. wife and son are very upset that i said this. very very upset and my wife says i am being horrible. aita? i stand by what i said. [/INST] nta. that's the truth. what age is he? </s>
AITA for showing up to my cancer stricken little sister’s birthday party after my older brother told me that I’m not welcome because he was afraid that I was going to steal her pain medication?	my little sister olivia is 17 and is currently battling cancer. as a result, every birthday that she has is a blessing to our family and we celebrate it. my older brother adam has always been super close to olivia and is protective of her. her and i are also close, as one of olivia’s older brothers, but i’m less close with adam. i’ve suffered from substance abuse issues for the past few years. as of right now, i’m a month clean. olivia’s 17th birthday was this past weekend. i knew that my family was putting together a small party for her. i got a call from adam last thursday that said i wasn’t “welcome” to olivia’s party because i’m not trusted enough to not steal her pain killers, or to ruin the party. he said that i also haven’t been sober long enough to earn that trust. i told him that if he doesn’t trust me not to steal my little sister’s pain killers, then he doesn’t need to be around me at all. he said that if i showed up, then there would be problems. the thing is, there’s no way i was gonna miss one of olivia’s birthdays. every birthday is a gift, and i’m not going to miss it for anything, despite what adam days. so yesterday on saturday, i made my way to my parent’s house for olivia’s party. i walked in and immediately saw on adam’s face that he wasn’t happy. i ended up just ignoring him and going to say hi to olivia. she was excited to see me and gave me a huge hug. at one point, i went upstairs to pee and on my way back down the stairs, my brother asked me to turn out my pockets. i did, just so he could look like an idiot. he told me that it was “for my own good and because he loved me.” olivia got tired not long after this so we all headed out. my parents stopped me as i was leaving and told me that while they are happy that i “seem to be doing well” but that they wished i would have talked to adam before just showing up as it caused tension over the evening. i told them that he had no right to ban me from seeing olivia and that she was happy to see me. they then said that they understood but to just be more accountable next time. i then just left. i really don’t think that i was out of line. olivia was happy to see me and i suspect that adam didn’t talk to her about not inviting me. i was never once tempted to steal my sister’s pain killers. but i know the pain i’ve caused my family, so i don’t know. i am looking for some outside perspective on whether what i did was truly assholish or not. that being said, aita?	4,053	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/drad7i/aita_for_showing_up_to_my_cancer_stricken_little/	2019-11-04 01:33:26	yta, you weren't invited but came anyway. if you want to spend time with your sister you should organize a time to do it yourself instead of crashing a party. have you ever stolen from your family before? cause i'm inferring that there's precedent based on how they acted. i wouldn't want to have to worry about that kind of activity when i'm trying to enjoy a birthday party.	yta. it sounds like you are still thinking like an addict--you want what you want, and you don't care how that affects other people. one month of sobriety does not undo the years of damage you've done to relationships. you don't seem to be taking any responsibility, as you were hostile toward your brother for his deserved suspicion of you. if you were thinking of anyone besides yourself, you would not be crossing so many boundaries and walking around with a chip on your shoulder.	yta if you've stolen before it's completely understandable for them to be cautious, i'm sure it's hard for you but a month clean is not a lot of time to expect your family to forget and forgive everything you put them through. you knew going to the party would cause problems and instead of setting up a time to meet your sister separately like an adult you decided to crash a party you were specifically told not to go to. your sister is still a kid and probably doesn't understand the full consequences of your substance abuse yet so of course she was happy to see you, but that is not a excuse to start drama with the rest of your family you need to earn their trust back and pulling childish stunts like this won't help	yta. clean for a month, stole your mother's pills in the past, and were told you were not welcome. you couldn't stop by the day before, or even just after the party and say happy birthday? it was your parent's house and even they said you shouldn't have just shown up. obviously your presence made them and your brother tense and stress during a time they should be happy celebrating. as you said, every birthday is a gift. they deserved to enjoy the day without stressing about you. sober a month or not, your actions put you in this position and you have to earn their trust back. this isn't how you do it.	info: do you have a history of stealing pain meds that are not yours?	yta, you know why your brother and your parents don't want you near painkillers. you're a month clean op. you know as well as everybody else what being near temptation might do to you. i would suggest if this comes up again, you ask in advance to meet your little sister in a situation or location where her medication won't be near by to tempt you. alternatively you could have asked for what restrictions your parents and brother would have preferred to ensure they could trust you weren't stealing medication from a cancer patient. the thing here op is that your post is all about how you felt - but not about how your little sister or your parents or your brother felt. your parents straight out told you about how tense it was - and your brother was obviously worried you were going to steal the medication your little sister needs to get better. you wanted to see your little sister on this one specific day - and because of that, it didn't matter how anybody else felt (including your little sister who definitely knew why her other brother and her parents were so stressed).	nah this is such a sad situation. i don't know how long you were actively using, but i can understand how hard it can be for people to trust you again. also, as someone who has dealt with addiction, i know how important family connections and support can be in healing and staying clean. for ten years of sobriety, if i so much as caught a cold my parents would ask if it was because i was drinking again. when i really needed support recently, i felt like i couldn't go to them. just keep doing your best to stay clean and keep the lines of communication as open as possible. you're all hurting right now. i'm sorry you're in such a shit situation.	yta. if you're regularly attending meetings and working with a sponsor, you know damn good and well that amends are not about you. you're a month clean, so i'll cut you a little slack, but not much. besides the pills, i'm assuming there was booze, which can also be a relapse trigger. you put yourself, your sobriety, and your already tense relationship with your family in a very precarious spot, because you wanted what you wanted when you wanted it, damn the consequences. it took time to do this damage to your family, it will take time to fix it. but i guarantee it will never get fixed if you continue these behaviors. you need to get with your sponsor and figure how to make some amends asap, or you're going to lose the chance to spend time with your sister before she dies. and if that happens, you won't have family to grieve with, because you've burned those bridges both in your addiction and your sobriety. you have a hard road, and best of luck to you. source: clean and sober 14 years, dad clean and sober 23 years	guess i’m going against the grain and saying nta because in the end it wasn’t adam’s decision whether or not you could go to olivias birthday party, it’s hers. she’s 17 not 3 and doesnt know how much time she has with them. besides she was happy and if what op said is true, if he’d had stayed away olivia could have just been left to think that her brother just bailed and didn’t show. why would anyone want to put her through anymore pain? seems like op made it clear he thought his brother was being ridiculous in trying to ban him from a family event, and it hurts just reading that they would try to take that away from both him and the sister. believe me i know addiction is hard and it ruins things but this doesn’t seem like the time to vilify op when there wasn’t a problem. if they were that worried, a more reasonable course of action would have been locking up / keeping the pain medications on a trusted adult. not kicking a dog when he’s down.	yta. all your responses and denials strike me as coming from someone who isn't really holding themselves accountable for the consequences of their actions. your family are right not to trust you. you are right to be hurt. now get to the next step. by the way, your brother does not feel like an idiot for checking your pockets. and you haven't got one over on him by not stealing anything. you made your sister's birthday about you and your sobriety. you could have gone first thing in the morning, made her day, given some excuses and left. that would have shown insight, accountability, responsibility and have been actions worthy of earning some trust. all you did was put your family on high alert during your sister's celebration, forcing them to keep an eye out on you and for you. your sister, i assume, has been heavily protected from you by the rest of your family. and is young and still learning. using her joy at seeing you as justifucation for hurting the rest of your family did not reflect well on you or help prove your trustworthiness in any way. stop justifying yourself. whatever you feel is okay. work through your feelings and thoughts until you can align them with the kind of person who would be thoughtful and discreet in this situation and understanding of the concerns of others while humbling himself. not humiliating himself. humbling himself. sit, feel and reflect. congrats on the month long sobriety.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	NAH	YTA	NTA	YTA	0.146375	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my little sister olivia is 17 and is currently battling cancer. as a result, every birthday that she has is a blessing to our family and we celebrate it. my older brother adam has always been super close to olivia and is protective of her. her and i are also close, as one of olivia’s older brothers, but i’m less close with adam. i’ve suffered from substance abuse issues for the past few years. as of right now, i’m a month clean. olivia’s 17th birthday was this past weekend. i knew that my family was putting together a small party for her. i got a call from adam last thursday that said i wasn’t “welcome” to olivia’s party because i’m not trusted enough to not steal her pain killers, or to ruin the party. he said that i also haven’t been sober long enough to earn that trust. i told him that if he doesn’t trust me not to steal my little sister’s pain killers, then he doesn’t need to be around me at all. he said that if i showed up, then there would be problems. the thing is, there’s no way i was gonna miss one of olivia’s birthdays. every birthday is a gift, and i’m not going to miss it for anything, despite what adam days. so yesterday on saturday, i made my way to my parent’s house for olivia’s party. i walked in and immediately saw on adam’s face that he wasn’t happy. i ended up just ignoring him and going to say hi to olivia. she was excited to see me and gave me a huge hug. at one point, i went upstairs to pee and on my way back down the stairs, my brother asked me to turn out my pockets. i did, just so he could look like an idiot. he told me that it was “for my own good and because he loved me.” olivia got tired not long after this so we all headed out. my parents stopped me as i was leaving and told me that while they are happy that i “seem to be doing well” but that they wished i would have talked to adam before just showing up as it caused tension over the evening. i told them that he had no right to ban me from seeing olivia and that she was happy to see me. they then said that they understood but to just be more accountable next time. i then just left. i really don’t think that i was out of line. olivia was happy to see me and i suspect that adam didn’t talk to her about not inviting me. i was never once tempted to steal my sister’s pain killers. but i know the pain i’ve caused my family, so i don’t know. i am looking for some outside perspective on whether what i did was truly assholish or not. that being said, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my little sister olivia is 17 and is currently battling cancer. as a result, every birthday that she has is a blessing to our family and we celebrate it. my older brother adam has always been super close to olivia and is protective of her. her and i are also close, as one of olivia’s older brothers, but i’m less close with adam. i’ve suffered from substance abuse issues for the past few years. as of right now, i’m a month clean. olivia’s 17th birthday was this past weekend. i knew that my family was putting together a small party for her. i got a call from adam last thursday that said i wasn’t “welcome” to olivia’s party because i’m not trusted enough to not steal her pain killers, or to ruin the party. he said that i also haven’t been sober long enough to earn that trust. i told him that if he doesn’t trust me not to steal my little sister’s pain killers, then he doesn’t need to be around me at all. he said that if i showed up, then there would be problems. the thing is, there’s no way i was gonna miss one of olivia’s birthdays. every birthday is a gift, and i’m not going to miss it for anything, despite what adam days. so yesterday on saturday, i made my way to my parent’s house for olivia’s party. i walked in and immediately saw on adam’s face that he wasn’t happy. i ended up just ignoring him and going to say hi to olivia. she was excited to see me and gave me a huge hug. at one point, i went upstairs to pee and on my way back down the stairs, my brother asked me to turn out my pockets. i did, just so he could look like an idiot. he told me that it was “for my own good and because he loved me.” olivia got tired not long after this so we all headed out. my parents stopped me as i was leaving and told me that while they are happy that i “seem to be doing well” but that they wished i would have talked to adam before just showing up as it caused tension over the evening. i told them that he had no right to ban me from seeing olivia and that she was happy to see me. they then said that they understood but to just be more accountable next time. i then just left. i really don’t think that i was out of line. olivia was happy to see me and i suspect that adam didn’t talk to her about not inviting me. i was never once tempted to steal my sister’s pain killers. but i know the pain i’ve caused my family, so i don’t know. i am looking for some outside perspective on whether what i did was truly assholish or not. that being said, aita? [/INST] yta, you weren't invited but came anyway. if you want to spend time with your sister you should organize a time to do it yourself instead of crashing a party. have you ever stolen from your family before? cause i'm inferring that there's precedent based on how they acted. i wouldn't want to have to worry about that kind of activity when i'm trying to enjoy a birthday party. </s>
AITA for buying my own laptop after my dad said I had to share the one he gave me?	my dad got me (17m) a used laptop last year for my birthday and i use it to for school and to write stories. but then his wife’s son (12m) wanted to use it too so now he said i have to share with him. he uses it for hours, he freakin messed up the keyboard cause he eats when he uses it so they’re all sticky. a few times he’s messed with my stories that i have saved either adding his own stuff or “accidentally” deleting. i got fed up so told my dad i don’t want to share it with him anymore if they’re not gonna make him stop messing with it. my dad said he bought it so i can’t say anything unless i buy my own stuff. i have my own part time job and have my money saved up so what i ended up doing was going to best buy and buying myself one. this one was a lot nicer too since is not used now her son mad because he likes this one more and my dad is pissed that i bought another laptop. he called me ungrateful for not appreciating my b-day gift and it wasn’t a big deal letting her son use it. he’s not telling me i need to share it cause i think he knows he’d kinda be a hypocrite for telling me to buy my own stuff if i wanna have a say but they’re still mad at me. aita?	21,590	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/msuvj0/aita_for_buying_my_own_laptop_after_my_dad_said_i/	2021-04-17 17:21:18	nta your dad is a huge ah for giving you a b-day gift then making you share it with his wife's son.	nta - he's given you a gift then demanded you allow someone else to use it. that someone has messed up your gift and its contents and your dad did nothing. you then rationally went to buy your own version of the "gift" so the kid couldn't mess with it, and he's got pissed because you've (rightly) made him look daft. i don't fully blame the kid, he's being a bit of a pain in the arse, but he's 12. your dad is an asshole however. flaunt that laptop! but make sure to keep it away from grubby prying hands - a password will stop him logging in, but not from smearing it with jam in the process!	nta - you solved the problem with your own money. if it was actually a birthday gift it would have been your computer in the first place, with only you deciding what happened to it. since you were forced to share then clearly the original laptop wasn't yours, therefore claiming it as a birthday gift has the same effect as buying groceries and then handing you a bag of chips as a gift and saying 'share with everyone'. it's something the family needed disguised as a birthday gift. tell your stepbrother or whatever he is how you got it, maybe you'll be a good influence in motivating him to work hard. also lock it up when you're not using it and put passwords on it and disable 'guest' accounts, otherwise he might use it without your permission.	[deleted]	nta. it’s more shitty he forced you to share your gift with someone who wasn’t respecting it than you buying something for yourself with your own money. good for you!	nta he literally told you to buy your own stuff. having to share with someone like that was unfair to begin with	nta also when did it become acceptable to share birthday gifts. they can't say something is for you and then make it a shared thing. i got a computer for my birthday once, didn't have to share with anyone. console was brought for christmas was a shared gift for all siblings, no ownership there unlike when you specify get for someone.	nta your dad is an ah though	nta. dad: here's your birthday present, happy birthday! dad: you have to share it with 12. dad: i bought it, it's mine. buy your own if you don't want to share the gift i gave you. dad: you're ungrateful because you went out and bought your own instead if sharing the gift i gave you. your dad doesn't get the concept of gift. (edit to fix formatting)	nta. what birthday gift? the one that was only yours part-time and that you had zero control over? that isn't a personal gift but a shared item. and frankly, i wouldn't have appreciated it at all. what your father should appreciate is that you took his advice and applied it to a problem you were facing with a good result. i'm actually surprised he isn't trying to make you share it based on so many other posts i seen in this sub; wonder if he'll surprise you further by giving your stepbrother the same "advice" he gave you (you want something of your own, buy it).	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my dad got me (17m) a used laptop last year for my birthday and i use it to for school and to write stories. but then his wife’s son (12m) wanted to use it too so now he said i have to share with him. he uses it for hours, he freakin messed up the keyboard cause he eats when he uses it so they’re all sticky. a few times he’s messed with my stories that i have saved either adding his own stuff or “accidentally” deleting. i got fed up so told my dad i don’t want to share it with him anymore if they’re not gonna make him stop messing with it. my dad said he bought it so i can’t say anything unless i buy my own stuff. i have my own part time job and have my money saved up so what i ended up doing was going to best buy and buying myself one. this one was a lot nicer too since is not used now her son mad because he likes this one more and my dad is pissed that i bought another laptop. he called me ungrateful for not appreciating my b-day gift and it wasn’t a big deal letting her son use it. he’s not telling me i need to share it cause i think he knows he’d kinda be a hypocrite for telling me to buy my own stuff if i wanna have a say but they’re still mad at me. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my dad got me (17m) a used laptop last year for my birthday and i use it to for school and to write stories. but then his wife’s son (12m) wanted to use it too so now he said i have to share with him. he uses it for hours, he freakin messed up the keyboard cause he eats when he uses it so they’re all sticky. a few times he’s messed with my stories that i have saved either adding his own stuff or “accidentally” deleting. i got fed up so told my dad i don’t want to share it with him anymore if they’re not gonna make him stop messing with it. my dad said he bought it so i can’t say anything unless i buy my own stuff. i have my own part time job and have my money saved up so what i ended up doing was going to best buy and buying myself one. this one was a lot nicer too since is not used now her son mad because he likes this one more and my dad is pissed that i bought another laptop. he called me ungrateful for not appreciating my b-day gift and it wasn’t a big deal letting her son use it. he’s not telling me i need to share it cause i think he knows he’d kinda be a hypocrite for telling me to buy my own stuff if i wanna have a say but they’re still mad at me. aita? [/INST] nta your dad is a huge ah for giving you a b-day gift then making you share it with his wife's son. </s>
AITA for Not Allowing my GF to have Dangerously Hot Showers?	i have been dating my gf for 8 months. things have been going so well that when she started a project based in my part of the city, she decided to stay at my place temporarily rather than do the daily commute. i noticed that when she showers, she has the water so hot that steam billows from the bathroom when she opens the door. it leaves everything in the bathroom wet. i have been telling her to use the dehumidifier in the bathroom as she showers. she told me that she showers with the window open and turns it on afterwards because the air was too humid for the dehumidifier. i put my foot down and told her it wasn't optional, and she ended up breaking the dehumidifier with the steam. i told her that enough was enough, and that if there's no dehumidifier then she would have to shower at a normal temperature like everyone else does. when she comes out of the bathroom her skin is red. what she did instead was she started locking herself in the bathroom while the steam dissipated so i wouldn't catch her turning my bathroom into a fucking sauna. well, last week i had enough of it. i took the lock off the bathroom door. (the toilet is in a separate room so there is still complete privacy when using the toilet btw.) now she can't steam out my entire bathroom without me knowing. i knock before entering and make sure it's not too steamy in the bathroom and that the temperature of the water is normal. she hasn't said anything about it, but since i did that, her mood has been low with me. she's started spending weekends at her place and she's slowly been taking her stuff with her. i told her that i didn't do it to be nasty, but the hot showers were damaging my bathroom and probably her health too. she just says "ok" and "it's fine". tl;dr i took the lock off the bathroom door to make sure my girlfriend isn't having dangerously hot showers in my apartment.	4,844	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uibhfa/aita_for_not_allowing_my_gf_to_have_dangerously/	2022-05-04 17:12:04	yta. bathrooms with showers should be able to handle steam. if it can't, that's a facility problem, not your gfs (for now) problem. seriously tho, get a window fan and let the woman boil herself alive.	“i’m a controlling asshole, forced my gf to break my dehumidifier (after she warned me it would break it) and then blamed her for the damage anyway, took the locks off the door and am treating her like a toddler that can’t make her own decisions. now i’m surprise pikachu because she’s slowly moving out and doesn’t want to put up with my controlling behavior anymore. aita?” in case you couldn’t gather it by this point… yea. yta.	yta. for so many reasons. 1) she is an adult woman. she can have the shower as hot as she wants to. 2) she explicitly told you the steam would break the humidifier. but you put your foot down and what a surprise, it’s fucking broken. after she told you it would be. 3) you removed the lock to bust in on her in the fucking shower to control her water temperature. i don’t get how you’re not seeing how creepy and controlling that is. i hope she breaks up with you.	"she told me it was too humid for the dehumidifier. i told her i didn't care and to put it on anyway. she did exactly that and somehow it's her fault my dehumidifier is broken."	lol, enjoy being single with a dry shower. yta, a strange, controlling asshole.	yta. it's a bathroom. you're allowed to take hot, steamy showers in a bathroom. it's normal. trying to control your girlfriend's shower temperature isn't.	this has got to be a joke. yta. hot showers unclog your nose when you have allergies. we know how hot it can be without it hurting. hot showers help with body aches. yta	yta. if you're concerned about your girlfriend's shower habits damaging the bathroom, you could've brought it up like an adult. instead you chose to act like a controlling parent, and now it doesn't look like you'll have a girlfriend for much longer.	yta, and she is clearly breaking up with you.	yta usually i say “your place, your rules.” but you’re literally trying to dictate how she is allowed to shower, to the point that you took the lock off the bathroom door! she’s doing the right thing by not staying at your place so much anymore, and moving her things back to her own place.	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been dating my gf for 8 months. things have been going so well that when she started a project based in my part of the city, she decided to stay at my place temporarily rather than do the daily commute. i noticed that when she showers, she has the water so hot that steam billows from the bathroom when she opens the door. it leaves everything in the bathroom wet. i have been telling her to use the dehumidifier in the bathroom as she showers. she told me that she showers with the window open and turns it on afterwards because the air was too humid for the dehumidifier. i put my foot down and told her it wasn't optional, and she ended up breaking the dehumidifier with the steam. i told her that enough was enough, and that if there's no dehumidifier then she would have to shower at a normal temperature like everyone else does. when she comes out of the bathroom her skin is red. what she did instead was she started locking herself in the bathroom while the steam dissipated so i wouldn't catch her turning my bathroom into a fucking sauna. well, last week i had enough of it. i took the lock off the bathroom door. (the toilet is in a separate room so there is still complete privacy when using the toilet btw.) now she can't steam out my entire bathroom without me knowing. i knock before entering and make sure it's not too steamy in the bathroom and that the temperature of the water is normal. she hasn't said anything about it, but since i did that, her mood has been low with me. she's started spending weekends at her place and she's slowly been taking her stuff with her. i told her that i didn't do it to be nasty, but the hot showers were damaging my bathroom and probably her health too. she just says "ok" and "it's fine". tl;dr i took the lock off the bathroom door to make sure my girlfriend isn't having dangerously hot showers in my apartment.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have been dating my gf for 8 months. things have been going so well that when she started a project based in my part of the city, she decided to stay at my place temporarily rather than do the daily commute. i noticed that when she showers, she has the water so hot that steam billows from the bathroom when she opens the door. it leaves everything in the bathroom wet. i have been telling her to use the dehumidifier in the bathroom as she showers. she told me that she showers with the window open and turns it on afterwards because the air was too humid for the dehumidifier. i put my foot down and told her it wasn't optional, and she ended up breaking the dehumidifier with the steam. i told her that enough was enough, and that if there's no dehumidifier then she would have to shower at a normal temperature like everyone else does. when she comes out of the bathroom her skin is red. what she did instead was she started locking herself in the bathroom while the steam dissipated so i wouldn't catch her turning my bathroom into a fucking sauna. well, last week i had enough of it. i took the lock off the bathroom door. (the toilet is in a separate room so there is still complete privacy when using the toilet btw.) now she can't steam out my entire bathroom without me knowing. i knock before entering and make sure it's not too steamy in the bathroom and that the temperature of the water is normal. she hasn't said anything about it, but since i did that, her mood has been low with me. she's started spending weekends at her place and she's slowly been taking her stuff with her. i told her that i didn't do it to be nasty, but the hot showers were damaging my bathroom and probably her health too. she just says "ok" and "it's fine". tl;dr i took the lock off the bathroom door to make sure my girlfriend isn't having dangerously hot showers in my apartment. [/INST] yta. bathrooms with showers should be able to handle steam. if it can't, that's a facility problem, not your gfs (for now) problem. seriously tho, get a window fan and let the woman boil herself alive. </s>
AITA for refusing to allow my daughter to participate in High School cheerleading?	i have a son thats entering 8th grade and a daughter thats entering 9th grade. both of them have always been bookworms. very studious and cerebral, just like their dad. i also played sports all through school and i value the experience that brings. i've always tried to push them to join sports, but neither one of my kids wanted to. i tried to insist...maybe they would have fun? we dont know til we try? even just to make them exercise and meet new friends. my wife insisted i back off. fair enough. &#x200b; now my daughter is entering high school and wants to become a cheerleader. she has never wanted to do anything even remotely close to cheerleading at any point in her life. she actively made fun of cheerleaders 3 months ago. but one of the popular girls moved in down the street last month and she has become a mainstay around my house. she's convinced my daughter that she has to become a cheerleader in high school because she was "a loser in middle school and you don't want that to happen in high school." &#x200b; i said no. i dont appreciate that reasoning. my wife explained that i dont "know what its like to be a girl in high school" and i say ok? hows that relevant? i also dont appreciate cheerleading. its too dangerous. girls get severely injured doing that, and for what reason? we don't have the insurance to cover it. lastly, i dont like the sexualization of the whole thing. those outfits are a bit skimpy, and we're talking about high school girls. my wife says i'm focusing on the bad and not the good. most girls dont get injured. i'm the pervert because i'm making it sexual. i pushed for her to join a sport. i let my son play sports. she'll have a much better high school experience. &#x200b; i'm still like...fuck that shit. my reasoning is sound. she's not in it for the right reasons, and the benefits are lame.	17,048	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/chlcbo/aita_for_refusing_to_allow_my_daughter_to/	2019-07-25 09:17:41	yta. you've spent years pushing her and now that she is finally going to give a sport a chance you say her reasoning for wanting to try isn't good enough? that's an asshole move	yta. > girls get severely injured doing that and contact sports are well known for concussions issues that last a lifetime, more than say, a broken arm would. > those outfits are a bit skimpy, and we're talking about high school girls stop sexualising kids, i agree with your wife here. > my wife says i'm focusing on the bad and not the good you are. cheerleading is, imo, a sport as well, given what the body goes through (which, before you get into 'too dangerous' is just as bad as a kid playing contact sports.) > i've always tried to push them to join sports, but neither one of my kids wanted to . > i let my son play sports . > she's not in it for the right reasons and playing sports because your dad can't get off your back is the 'right' reason? > we don't have the insurance to cover it and yet you have the insurance to cover your son's injuries while playing "conventional" sports? > very studious and cerebral, just like their dad. i also played sports all through school and i value the experience that brings basically, you want your kids to be just like you were in school - 'i'm cerebral and studious' 'i played sports' - but when they want to try something different, it's 'the benefits are lame.' > she'll have a much better high school experience. no, she'll resent you. she's, what, 13-15 rn? the closer she gets to 15+, the more she'll rebel (it's human nature) and the more you try and prevent her from doing inoffensive things, the worse it'll be. > i also dont appreciate cheerleading. oh boo-hoo. no one's asking you to become a cheerleader. your kids aren't little mini-mes that can only like the stuff you like/'appreciate'/'respect' > my wife explained that i dont "know what its like to be a girl in high school" and i say ok? hows that relevant? because wanting to fit in/be in the same activities as friends is a perfectly reasonable desire that - lbr - is often stronger in high school girls than boys. she wants to fit in, but you don't want her to try for no reason at all. > my reasoning is sound no it's not. > its too dangerous playing a contact sport like your son likely is and you're trying to push her into is more dangerous - again, concussions can affect the rest of your life, and as a lot of tragic incidents have shown, even kill kids if severe enough. when that's a reason to turn them towards tt/chess instead of regular sports, maybe you have a leg to stand on there. yta. let your kid live her own life. **	[deleted]	yta. > she's not in it for the right reasons kids are dumb and easily influenced by their peers. it's part of the whole process of growing up. you say neither of them has been interested in sports at all and she is finally interested in something physical and you're saying no? that's shitty. this could be the something physical that opens the door to other sports that she may like (and that you may like more). additionally, kids are supposed to try new things. maybe she will hate it? or maybe she loves it and ends up doing it because it makes her happy. either way, you should take an interest in what your kids take interest in. as for the "sexualization of the whole thing" maybe that's something you need to rethink about how you view others.	yta. women and girls are sexualized everywhere. we can't do jack shit without someone trying to put some sort of sexy spin on it. it's tiresome. highschool sucks for everyone but being a woman who survived highschool, i'd never want to relive that period of my life ever again. my dad forbade me from participating in certain activities as a kid because he didn't agree with how i'd be presented or because he didn't think it was proper of a young christian girl to do. i'm 43, an atheist, and i have harbored resentment ever since i was a kid because of the things he wouldn't let me do because i was a girl. oh and i rebelled so bad when i got out of the house and 18 and struck off on my own. why? because of being told "no. no daughter of mine ..." too much as a kid. you had your chance to live your life and make stupid decisions. she's asking to be a cheerleader. there are tons of things she could be doing that are way worst.	yta. however, i suggest you proceed with caution. the risk of injury is indeed very rare, and the school athletics program will set reasonable requirements for insurance (if you already have it, then your claim is moot; if you don’t have it, your daughter can’t participate due to insurance requirements). yes, the outfits are skimpy, but the vast majority of people who’ll be watching are high schoolers. those outfits are being worn in the context of the sport, and news flash: she could be covered head to toe and her peers will still look at her and get horny. that’s just teenage psychology at work. the only real concern at hand is the other girl’s influence on “not being a loser.” being intelligent and well-read is a winner’s trait. cheer and studiousness aren’t mutually exclusive. allow your daughter to cheer, but make sure her self-esteem isn’t getting warped and that her academic performance doesn’t falter. this could be a great opportunity to build social skills as you wished, while retaining the aspects of her personality that are positive.	yta. her reasoning is the same as yours. she just articulated it like a teenager. you: > join sports, ... even just to make them exercise and meet new friends. your daughter: >"a loser in middle school and you don't want that to happen in high school." these are equivalent, if framed slightly differently. she's looking to make new friends in high school and sees cheerleading as an opportunity.	yta - so she picked a sport but now it’s not the right kind of sport?! it sounds like she wants do something that her friend are doing and your denying he that . her being a ‘bookworm’ -it seems to me you have an idea of who she is in your head and that cheerleading doesn’t fit with that but you need to let her make her own choices and try things out so she can find out who she is as a person. otherwise she’s just going to resent you for stopping her. what is the harm? you said your son does sport so the injury stuff doesn’t really wash as he can inured easily too and i think the sexual stuff is in some ways a stereotype of what cheerleading is.	yta. if you were worried about “not being able to afford injuries” you wouldn’t have pushed your kids into sports - that is an excuse you came up with after you already decided you didn’t approve of her cheerleading, because you don’t like the idea of your baby wearing a short skirt and you think her friend’s a mean girl. wanting to be popular isn’t a great reason to try an activity. wanting to please your dad isn’t a great reason either. but regardless of a kid’s reasoning for joining a sport, they are still keeping physically fit and getting an opportunity to learn about teamwork and commitment.	yta. you don't care that "girls get severely injured doing that" because that reasoning came after the fact that "she actively made fun of cheerleaders 3 months ago". sounds like you need to get over your own experience of cheerleaders and let your teenage daughter make her own decisions.	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a son thats entering 8th grade and a daughter thats entering 9th grade. both of them have always been bookworms. very studious and cerebral, just like their dad. i also played sports all through school and i value the experience that brings. i've always tried to push them to join sports, but neither one of my kids wanted to. i tried to insist...maybe they would have fun? we dont know til we try? even just to make them exercise and meet new friends. my wife insisted i back off. fair enough. &#x200b; now my daughter is entering high school and wants to become a cheerleader. she has never wanted to do anything even remotely close to cheerleading at any point in her life. she actively made fun of cheerleaders 3 months ago. but one of the popular girls moved in down the street last month and she has become a mainstay around my house. she's convinced my daughter that she has to become a cheerleader in high school because she was "a loser in middle school and you don't want that to happen in high school." &#x200b; i said no. i dont appreciate that reasoning. my wife explained that i dont "know what its like to be a girl in high school" and i say ok? hows that relevant? i also dont appreciate cheerleading. its too dangerous. girls get severely injured doing that, and for what reason? we don't have the insurance to cover it. lastly, i dont like the sexualization of the whole thing. those outfits are a bit skimpy, and we're talking about high school girls. my wife says i'm focusing on the bad and not the good. most girls dont get injured. i'm the pervert because i'm making it sexual. i pushed for her to join a sport. i let my son play sports. she'll have a much better high school experience. &#x200b; i'm still like...fuck that shit. my reasoning is sound. she's not in it for the right reasons, and the benefits are lame.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have a son thats entering 8th grade and a daughter thats entering 9th grade. both of them have always been bookworms. very studious and cerebral, just like their dad. i also played sports all through school and i value the experience that brings. i've always tried to push them to join sports, but neither one of my kids wanted to. i tried to insist...maybe they would have fun? we dont know til we try? even just to make them exercise and meet new friends. my wife insisted i back off. fair enough. &#x200b; now my daughter is entering high school and wants to become a cheerleader. she has never wanted to do anything even remotely close to cheerleading at any point in her life. she actively made fun of cheerleaders 3 months ago. but one of the popular girls moved in down the street last month and she has become a mainstay around my house. she's convinced my daughter that she has to become a cheerleader in high school because she was "a loser in middle school and you don't want that to happen in high school." &#x200b; i said no. i dont appreciate that reasoning. my wife explained that i dont "know what its like to be a girl in high school" and i say ok? hows that relevant? i also dont appreciate cheerleading. its too dangerous. girls get severely injured doing that, and for what reason? we don't have the insurance to cover it. lastly, i dont like the sexualization of the whole thing. those outfits are a bit skimpy, and we're talking about high school girls. my wife says i'm focusing on the bad and not the good. most girls dont get injured. i'm the pervert because i'm making it sexual. i pushed for her to join a sport. i let my son play sports. she'll have a much better high school experience. &#x200b; i'm still like...fuck that shit. my reasoning is sound. she's not in it for the right reasons, and the benefits are lame. [/INST] yta. you've spent years pushing her and now that she is finally going to give a sport a chance you say her reasoning for wanting to try isn't good enough? that's an asshole move </s>
AITA for proposing to my boyfriend day before my sister's wedding?	hello. my partner and my five-year anniversary was on the 21st, a day before my sister's wedding. i had decided to propose on the day of the anniversary to make it even more memorable. after i came home, i announced our engagement in our group chat, with consisted of six people- my parents, sister, her then-fiancé now husband, brother and grandma. everyone congratulated us heartily, including my sister. but then, my sister sent me a private text saying that she was hurt that i stole her thunder by proposing on the day before her wedding. she said that i should have at least waited till after her wedding to announce the news. i was frankly shocked and told her that i wasn't planning on announcing the engagement at her wedding or something stupid like that, i just told family, but she didn't listen to me. i was bridesmaid the next day, and she acted really cold with me throughout, especially when the people from the group chat privately congratulated me enthusiastically. aita here?	4,382	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uwmli0/aita_for_proposing_to_my_boyfriend_day_before_my/	2022-05-24 09:11:32	yta, not for proposing the day before, but like your sister said, because you could have waited to tell people the day after the wedding. what you did was in bad taste.	yta. no issue getting engaged on a memorable date for you! but you're ta for not waiting 48 hours to make the announcement. announcing the day before her wedding was a mean thing to do.	yta wow way to steal your sister's thunder. you could have waited until way after her wedding to announce it	yta of course proposing on your 5yr anniversary is fine and a good date. announcing it a day before the marriage makes you the ass. you could have easily waited 2 more days with the announcement.	i don't get the take most people on this thread have. can't the family be excited for both of the sisters? does them congratulating one take away the importance of the other? maybe this is an american thing, but where i live, there is no such "the wedding is all about me, and how dare my family also be happy for their other daughter" thing. i personally think that op is nta.	nta for proposing. yta for making a big ado about it and broadcasting it before someone else's wedding day that is tightly woven into your social circle smh	i know this will be flooded with y-t-as, but personally, i think you're nta. your family is obviously really important to you, and you wanted to share this with them as soon as you could. that doesn't take away your sister's thunder, as only six people knew about this.	nta. christ, you didn’t steal anyone’s thunder. this bridal possessiveness over a freaking day really chaps my arse. your sister needs to get over herself. it’s totally unattractive to be so precious over things like that. i could understand if you’d hijacked her wedding day or any of the wedding prep days or events to announce your own news but you didn’t. what you did was absolutely fine. do we all now need to observe a wedding month just so the bride can get even more attention? the wedding is probably a waste of time and money anyway because they’ve been living together for years so no one gives a shit if they’re married or not. you did nothing wrong. it’s like saying you’ve ruined someone’s day by having your birthday in the same month as theirs. 🙄	n t a for proposing to your partner on a meaningful day to you both. but yta for not being able to wait until after the wedding to announce it to anyone. it’s not unreasonable for the bride and groom to want their one day to be about them. instead she’s sharing the focus with you on her wedding day as you’re getting congratulated enthusiastically during her day. you wanted your proposal to be on a special day, why can’t you understand she would want her wedding day to be a special day?	yta congrats on the engagement but you could have waited a few days after the wedding to tell everyone	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	1	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello. my partner and my five-year anniversary was on the 21st, a day before my sister's wedding. i had decided to propose on the day of the anniversary to make it even more memorable. after i came home, i announced our engagement in our group chat, with consisted of six people- my parents, sister, her then-fiancé now husband, brother and grandma. everyone congratulated us heartily, including my sister. but then, my sister sent me a private text saying that she was hurt that i stole her thunder by proposing on the day before her wedding. she said that i should have at least waited till after her wedding to announce the news. i was frankly shocked and told her that i wasn't planning on announcing the engagement at her wedding or something stupid like that, i just told family, but she didn't listen to me. i was bridesmaid the next day, and she acted really cold with me throughout, especially when the people from the group chat privately congratulated me enthusiastically. aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hello. my partner and my five-year anniversary was on the 21st, a day before my sister's wedding. i had decided to propose on the day of the anniversary to make it even more memorable. after i came home, i announced our engagement in our group chat, with consisted of six people- my parents, sister, her then-fiancé now husband, brother and grandma. everyone congratulated us heartily, including my sister. but then, my sister sent me a private text saying that she was hurt that i stole her thunder by proposing on the day before her wedding. she said that i should have at least waited till after her wedding to announce the news. i was frankly shocked and told her that i wasn't planning on announcing the engagement at her wedding or something stupid like that, i just told family, but she didn't listen to me. i was bridesmaid the next day, and she acted really cold with me throughout, especially when the people from the group chat privately congratulated me enthusiastically. aita here? [/INST] yta, not for proposing the day before, but like your sister said, because you could have waited to tell people the day after the wedding. what you did was in bad taste. </s>
AITA for telling my wife I can’t stand the fact that our eldest child has inherited her worst traits?	i love my wife, i really do. we’ve been married since we were 19, together since we were thirteen and have three children together. our eldest is a thirteen year old girl, and we have two boys aged 7 and 5. our sons are pretty much carbon copies of me, whereas our daughter is the carbon copy of her mother. my wife has pretty severe adhd, is extremely messy, has a major attitude sometimes and is incredibly forgetful and sporadic. she wasn’t diagnosed with adhd until she was 21, and struggled a lot during her childhood, so we were extra cautious to look for covert signs with our daughter. the older our daughter gets, the more she is displaying very obvious adhd traits to me. whether they are or not, she’s extremely forgetful, unmotivated, messy, has absolutely no coordination. like it was with my wife in the beginning, i found it endearing. now i find it extremely frustrating. our daughter is currently on an adhd assessment waiting list. last night my wife and i were in bed talking about our daughter, as she’s recently told us she’s got a new boyfriend. i ended up saying that i noticed she’s been really forgetful recently, and my wife laughed and said “she’s got that from me” and i said “don’t know why you’re laughing like it’s a good thing, it’s pissing me off”. she stopped laughing and apologised but seemed really upset. i’ve tried to apologise but it’s true, it’s not a good thing. aita?	4,829	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ha79w8/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_cant_stand_the_fact/	2020-06-16 16:27:05	yta and, yikes. for one thing, do you think that you and your 'carbon copy' sons don't have any flaws? additionally, getting 'pissed off' by your child's untreated condition is awful, ableist garbage. you insulted both your wife and your child. apologize.	> i love my wife, i really do. apparently not, since you think your daughter inheriting her traits is such an inconvenience to you. > “don’t know why you’re laughing like it’s a good thing, it’s pissing me off.” ...what, exactly, is “pissing you off?” the fact that your wife has a disorder that she cannot control? the fact that your daughter likely inherited it by means out of her control? or the fact that neither of them are responsible for this, at fault for it, or have any ability to change it? yeah, dude. you’re a bad husband and father. yta.	yta because you display no concern about how your daughter’s traits affect her, only about how they anger you. also, no child is a carbon copy of a parent, start seeing your children as three individuals rather than clones of your wife and yourself.	yta you \know\ these are not things that are within anyone's control. it's not your wife's fault she has adhd, or that it took so long for everyone to figure out what was going on with her. you should be the first person to have \more\ compassion and patience for your daughter. instead you are saying she's 'broken' and blaming your wife. i have no idea why your wife apologized to you. she was making a joke about something she has struggled with, and instead of laughing with her or keeping the mood light - you made it serious and lashed out at her. how can you say such things about your daughter and have the audacity to blame your wife? i hope posting this story makes you wake up and see how cruel you are being to two people you claim to love. it's also not great that you so openly praise your boys for taking after you...it just makes you look sexist and arrogant. you really think you have no flaws and your boys are angels? and \\of course\\ your wife is now upset. you have deeply insulted both her and her daughter. you have fundamentally shifted your dynamic. you are supposed to be the person that loves her, and she probably felt safe with you. now she may be questioning that. i'm absolutely serious, if i were in her shoes, and my partner said something so thoughtless and cruel i would be seriously questioning the entire relationship. i would be hyper aware of just how much this unwarranted bias was affecting the children. i would be looking for how this intolerant opinion bleeds into my partner's behavior. you've damaged your wife's confidence, sense of security, and trust. you may have made your daughter feel 'less than' as well. parental favoritism is rarely well hidden.	yta... major... didn’t you ever think to yourself that your daughter is 13 and most likely starting to hit puberty and becoming a teenager? i hope your sons didn’t inherit your asshole personality.	yta so you're mad at your wife for having a disability and blame her for passing it on to your child? i hope none of your kids inherit being an asshole from you.	that last paragraph made my heart sink..i feel bad for your wife. yta	yta. it's not a "good" thing, but it's also not something any of you can control, so its not something you should be mad at or blame either of them for.	yta together since 19 and you still find the time to make her feel bad about herself, go you.	if you were extra careful to look for covert signs of adhd with your daughter why is she only now on a waiting list for assessment at 13 years of age? now she has to potentially deal with all of this on top of all the usual teenage/puberty issues. also you know the symptoms can and should be managed with coping strategies and routines or even medication, not just seen as "something you have to put up with" as you seem to do with your lovely, endearing wife.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i love my wife, i really do. we’ve been married since we were 19, together since we were thirteen and have three children together. our eldest is a thirteen year old girl, and we have two boys aged 7 and 5. our sons are pretty much carbon copies of me, whereas our daughter is the carbon copy of her mother. my wife has pretty severe adhd, is extremely messy, has a major attitude sometimes and is incredibly forgetful and sporadic. she wasn’t diagnosed with adhd until she was 21, and struggled a lot during her childhood, so we were extra cautious to look for covert signs with our daughter. the older our daughter gets, the more she is displaying very obvious adhd traits to me. whether they are or not, she’s extremely forgetful, unmotivated, messy, has absolutely no coordination. like it was with my wife in the beginning, i found it endearing. now i find it extremely frustrating. our daughter is currently on an adhd assessment waiting list. last night my wife and i were in bed talking about our daughter, as she’s recently told us she’s got a new boyfriend. i ended up saying that i noticed she’s been really forgetful recently, and my wife laughed and said “she’s got that from me” and i said “don’t know why you’re laughing like it’s a good thing, it’s pissing me off”. she stopped laughing and apologised but seemed really upset. i’ve tried to apologise but it’s true, it’s not a good thing. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i love my wife, i really do. we’ve been married since we were 19, together since we were thirteen and have three children together. our eldest is a thirteen year old girl, and we have two boys aged 7 and 5. our sons are pretty much carbon copies of me, whereas our daughter is the carbon copy of her mother. my wife has pretty severe adhd, is extremely messy, has a major attitude sometimes and is incredibly forgetful and sporadic. she wasn’t diagnosed with adhd until she was 21, and struggled a lot during her childhood, so we were extra cautious to look for covert signs with our daughter. the older our daughter gets, the more she is displaying very obvious adhd traits to me. whether they are or not, she’s extremely forgetful, unmotivated, messy, has absolutely no coordination. like it was with my wife in the beginning, i found it endearing. now i find it extremely frustrating. our daughter is currently on an adhd assessment waiting list. last night my wife and i were in bed talking about our daughter, as she’s recently told us she’s got a new boyfriend. i ended up saying that i noticed she’s been really forgetful recently, and my wife laughed and said “she’s got that from me” and i said “don’t know why you’re laughing like it’s a good thing, it’s pissing me off”. she stopped laughing and apologised but seemed really upset. i’ve tried to apologise but it’s true, it’s not a good thing. aita? [/INST] yta and, yikes. for one thing, do you think that you and your 'carbon copy' sons don't have any flaws? additionally, getting 'pissed off' by your child's untreated condition is awful, ableist garbage. you insulted both your wife and your child. apologize. </s>
AITA for not saying no when asked to have kids?	(please read all edits at the end) sorry for the confusing title, there’s no easy way to explain this. (i know this reads bad, just letting you know i never planned on either donating or sleeping with her) ok. so my girlfriend (24f) and i (23m) were asked out to lunch by our good friend (24f). she said she had something important to ask us so we heard her out. at lunch she asked me if i would become the father of her child. i’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few years now and this took us both off guard. basically, she said she wants my genes for her kid. i knew she had a crush on me for a while now, but i didn’t have any clue about this. to make the situation worse, she doesn’t like the idea of sperm donation and just wants to have a one night stand with me in order to get pregnant. my girlfriend was understandably livid. i had absolutely no intention on having a one night stand with her, but i wasn’t so quick to oppose sperm donation verbally. i was not going to agree. but just didn’t say anything . i didn’t think it was that insulting to my gf at first and was more confused than anything. both my girlfriend and i weren’t planning to have any kids or anything like that and our friend promised us i could sign a contract so i could never be held responsible for child support. point is, my girlfriend is mad at me because i didn’t outwardly and verbally reject the idea of having another woman’s baby. i do not want to and do not plan to. i’m just baffled by the whole thing, but apparently i’m an asshole for not being so quick to reject this. (again, to clear up confusion i never considered being a donor, just didn’t say anything) am i? should i be so quick to say “of course not!” aita for not saying no abruptly? i said i wasn’t going to sleep with our friend... but my girlfriend still hates this whole idea. i haven’t decided what i’m doing yet. i’m just confused. sorry if this makes no sense, i’m still a little out of it.	4,608	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d3k1yt/aita_for_not_saying_no_when_asked_to_have_kids/	2019-09-13 04:31:06	yta. this is absurd. this woman isn’t interested in having kids and wants your genes because you’re an astronaut professional footballer...she just wants you, and is insane, and in her mind this is how she gets you. your girlfriend recognized this immediately, and probably thinks it’s unthinkable you didn’t recognize this immediately, and so believes you’re interested in the girl.	yta. and you’re a dumbass if you agree to this. this “sperm donation” is the golden handcuff - this chick will have you in her life forever through a child. don’t flatter yourself that it’s your amazing genes she wants. she literally wants you in her life for as long as possible and this is a great way to do it. and to potentially get child support out of it. props to your gf. you should probably marry her so she can continue to advise you against even considering really dumb shit like this.	if you are in the us that legally binding contract is worthless. if she ever needs public assistance the state will come after you for child support because she cannot deny the child parental support. she also may hope that a child would be a way to weasel herself into your life. i won't judge because i think it was a shock but you need to be smarter and faster on your feet.	esh except you gf she's a cinnamon roll. dude your "friend" wants to sleep with you. this is a straight up insult to your girlfriend. asshole #1 literally wants to hang you and used the baby shit as an excuse to try and make herself look innocent. she's gonna then bring drama to break y'all up and white knight your ass.	yta. you're agreeing basically to give another woman children. a woman who likes you? and she wants a one night stand, what does that tell you? she wants you or whatever she can get from you and you're just happy to give it to her, no discussion with your gf. jesus christ man. i'd dump you. that's insane.	you need to apologize profusely to your girlfriend and get the crazy wannabe baby-mama out of your life. she doesn’t just want a baby — she wants you. i’m sure it must be flattering to have some woman tell you that you’re her idea of genetic perfection, but yta for not immediately and unequivocally rejecting the idea.	[removed]	nta... but you sound very very naive. but not naive enough to realize she has liked you for a long time.... why would you even want to give her your sperm lol. this "friend" sounds fucking crazy. psycho even. stay away... and definitely take your gf on an amazing and well-planned dinner date and apologize to her. this whole situation is absurd.	just throwing this out there cause i think i confused some people. 1) i am not ever going to sleep with a friend. made that perfectly clear when we were at lunch. 2) i do not want to donate my sperm. i personally don’t want to do it, and this situation makes me want to do it even less. the only reason i gave that impression was because i was stunned into silence. i didn’t say anything or address it which gave my girlfriend the impression i was considering it. i’m sorry, this is a really weird scenario and it’s even weirder to try and explain over text on reddit. but i think iata. i feel like i had a responsibility to be more quick on my feet and shut down everything right then and there. i didn’t originally view it as disrespect to my girlfriend, but looking back, it most certainly was. i can see why my gf was mad at my hesitation. again, i’m really sorry, this is a weird situation and i’m not coming across very clear. also it’s a situation currently unfolding.	yta. the fact she asked for a one night stand should have been enough to end the conversation, get up and walk away. it’s so disrespectful to your gf and honestly absurd. very creepy and disturbing since she has a crush on you. i know lots of people who used donated sperm but none of them ever had or considered things like one night stands! that you even seemed to think over or consider sperm donation for a woman who clearly has no sense of boundaries probably had your gf completely reeling and second guessing things. that would be a huge huge red flag for me and probably really hurt her sense of trust in you. and i don’t mean trust in terms of cheating but trust in you to understand when something is not appropriate.	YTA	YTA	null	ESH	YTA	YTA	null	NTA	null	YTA	0.088332	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (please read all edits at the end) sorry for the confusing title, there’s no easy way to explain this. (i know this reads bad, just letting you know i never planned on either donating or sleeping with her) ok. so my girlfriend (24f) and i (23m) were asked out to lunch by our good friend (24f). she said she had something important to ask us so we heard her out. at lunch she asked me if i would become the father of her child. i’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few years now and this took us both off guard. basically, she said she wants my genes for her kid. i knew she had a crush on me for a while now, but i didn’t have any clue about this. to make the situation worse, she doesn’t like the idea of sperm donation and just wants to have a one night stand with me in order to get pregnant. my girlfriend was understandably livid. i had absolutely no intention on having a one night stand with her, but i wasn’t so quick to oppose sperm donation verbally. i was not going to agree. but just didn’t say anything . i didn’t think it was that insulting to my gf at first and was more confused than anything. both my girlfriend and i weren’t planning to have any kids or anything like that and our friend promised us i could sign a contract so i could never be held responsible for child support. point is, my girlfriend is mad at me because i didn’t outwardly and verbally reject the idea of having another woman’s baby. i do not want to and do not plan to. i’m just baffled by the whole thing, but apparently i’m an asshole for not being so quick to reject this. (again, to clear up confusion i never considered being a donor, just didn’t say anything) am i? should i be so quick to say “of course not!” aita for not saying no abruptly? i said i wasn’t going to sleep with our friend... but my girlfriend still hates this whole idea. i haven’t decided what i’m doing yet. i’m just confused. sorry if this makes no sense, i’m still a little out of it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> (please read all edits at the end) sorry for the confusing title, there’s no easy way to explain this. (i know this reads bad, just letting you know i never planned on either donating or sleeping with her) ok. so my girlfriend (24f) and i (23m) were asked out to lunch by our good friend (24f). she said she had something important to ask us so we heard her out. at lunch she asked me if i would become the father of her child. i’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few years now and this took us both off guard. basically, she said she wants my genes for her kid. i knew she had a crush on me for a while now, but i didn’t have any clue about this. to make the situation worse, she doesn’t like the idea of sperm donation and just wants to have a one night stand with me in order to get pregnant. my girlfriend was understandably livid. i had absolutely no intention on having a one night stand with her, but i wasn’t so quick to oppose sperm donation verbally. i was not going to agree. but just didn’t say anything . i didn’t think it was that insulting to my gf at first and was more confused than anything. both my girlfriend and i weren’t planning to have any kids or anything like that and our friend promised us i could sign a contract so i could never be held responsible for child support. point is, my girlfriend is mad at me because i didn’t outwardly and verbally reject the idea of having another woman’s baby. i do not want to and do not plan to. i’m just baffled by the whole thing, but apparently i’m an asshole for not being so quick to reject this. (again, to clear up confusion i never considered being a donor, just didn’t say anything) am i? should i be so quick to say “of course not!” aita for not saying no abruptly? i said i wasn’t going to sleep with our friend... but my girlfriend still hates this whole idea. i haven’t decided what i’m doing yet. i’m just confused. sorry if this makes no sense, i’m still a little out of it. [/INST] yta. this is absurd. this woman isn’t interested in having kids and wants your genes because you’re an astronaut professional footballer...she just wants you, and is insane, and in her mind this is how she gets you. your girlfriend recognized this immediately, and probably thinks it’s unthinkable you didn’t recognize this immediately, and so believes you’re interested in the girl. </s>
AITA for sleeping with my mother instead of my husband on a cruise?	this isn't sexual, just about sleeping arrangements. sorry for any unintentional clickbait. my husband, his parents, his brother and brother's fiancé, and my mother and i all went on a cruise together recently. my husband's parents really wanted the cruise to happen. we got a 2 bedroom suite. my husband's parents paid for 90% of the room and for everyone to have the non-alcoholic drink packages because they wanted to, i guess. i'm not saying no. my mother had just lost her husband (my father) and while she was finally free, she could use a fun trip. so as a christmas gift to her and to not make her a burden to my husband's parents, we paid what would be her portion of the room, about 1k. not bad at all. my husband's parents took one room, and room two was going to be for the couples to trade off, but my mother is old, turns in fairly early, and has back issues, so we gave her the second room. this put all four young ones in the living room. there were enough beds, but zero privacy. i had the worst time trying to sleep, and lack of it combined with how...much energy a cruise demanded was getting to me. my bil and sil were always snoring and making noise, the boat noises were intense, and the pullman bed was too thin. my mother offered for me to share her room with her, and it was an easy choice. i love my husband, but it's not like we were able to have sex or even cuddle, and i can't exactly enjoy a cruise when i'm ready to pass out. i was able to be fun and happy for the remaining 5 days of the trip, and i think we all had a great time. i'm now hearing that it's a big problem that i didn't share a room with my husband (and two other people, mind), and that only a child would choose to share a bed with their mother over a spouse. i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'll accept criticism.	5,082	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dxz2li/aita_for_sleeping_with_my_mother_instead_of_my/	2019-11-18 05:52:05	yta for inviting your mother on a trip with your husband's family. especially because you didn't even get her her own room elsewhere on the ship, you just decided to ask to squish her in with the rest of his family in what was already ridiculously close quarters. you deprived your bil and sil of the chance to have some privacy at any point, because who is going to be the asshole who tells you you can't bring your widowed mother? who is going to be the one to ask the old lady to sleep in the living room? come on, op. really.	yta a vacation your in-laws planned and paid for and you invite your mother straight up lousy move, then you have the gonads to decide she gets the only other bedroom. and to top it off, what the hell, i will sleep with her selfish much, i think so	yta. your comment history says your husband's parents were upset that your mom was invited, so you really shouldn't have invited her on their trip. even worse that she got her own room with the good bed, which was originally meant for bil and sil.	yta: giving the room, that was supposed to be shared, to your mother and then to go and sleep in that room, you should have sucked it up like the others. no one else got that option to sleep in the extra room so you shouldn’t have either since it was technically your fault for having your mother take over the room to herself	yta, for not finding different accommodations for your mom. the place was basically financed by your in laws and your $1k contribution should of gone to her having her own separate room. that way everyone had a decent amount of space to sleep.	yta i get that you wanted to do something nice for your recently widowed mom, (something i can totally emapthize with) but you didn't pay for this vacation your inlaws paid for 90% of it, you didn't have the right to invite another person and give them the only other bedroom.	yta the 2nd room was originally supposed to be for the couples to switch off. they never got the privacy of their own room when they were supposed to have it half the time, but you got to be comfortable the whole trip. you either should have let your mother have it alone or switched off	yta. you should have got your mum her own room.	imagine the opposite situation: your husband invites your mil on a cruise that your mom paid for for you and two others (lets pretend you have siblings). he gives your mom 10% of what the trip costs and says mil needs the only bed (other than the one your mom has). you are left on the couch bed that is so uncomfortable that after 2 days you want to jump off the side of the boat. you also share this common area with your adult siblings. then he says "this sucks i'm sleeping with mum" and leaves you stuck on the "makes you want to kill yourself" bed. on a trip that your mom paid 90% for your siblings and you.... is he ta? yta	yta last minute cabins are dirt cheap. there is no reason to not have bought your mom a cabin for herself.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this isn't sexual, just about sleeping arrangements. sorry for any unintentional clickbait. my husband, his parents, his brother and brother's fiancé, and my mother and i all went on a cruise together recently. my husband's parents really wanted the cruise to happen. we got a 2 bedroom suite. my husband's parents paid for 90% of the room and for everyone to have the non-alcoholic drink packages because they wanted to, i guess. i'm not saying no. my mother had just lost her husband (my father) and while she was finally free, she could use a fun trip. so as a christmas gift to her and to not make her a burden to my husband's parents, we paid what would be her portion of the room, about 1k. not bad at all. my husband's parents took one room, and room two was going to be for the couples to trade off, but my mother is old, turns in fairly early, and has back issues, so we gave her the second room. this put all four young ones in the living room. there were enough beds, but zero privacy. i had the worst time trying to sleep, and lack of it combined with how...much energy a cruise demanded was getting to me. my bil and sil were always snoring and making noise, the boat noises were intense, and the pullman bed was too thin. my mother offered for me to share her room with her, and it was an easy choice. i love my husband, but it's not like we were able to have sex or even cuddle, and i can't exactly enjoy a cruise when i'm ready to pass out. i was able to be fun and happy for the remaining 5 days of the trip, and i think we all had a great time. i'm now hearing that it's a big problem that i didn't share a room with my husband (and two other people, mind), and that only a child would choose to share a bed with their mother over a spouse. i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'll accept criticism.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this isn't sexual, just about sleeping arrangements. sorry for any unintentional clickbait. my husband, his parents, his brother and brother's fiancé, and my mother and i all went on a cruise together recently. my husband's parents really wanted the cruise to happen. we got a 2 bedroom suite. my husband's parents paid for 90% of the room and for everyone to have the non-alcoholic drink packages because they wanted to, i guess. i'm not saying no. my mother had just lost her husband (my father) and while she was finally free, she could use a fun trip. so as a christmas gift to her and to not make her a burden to my husband's parents, we paid what would be her portion of the room, about 1k. not bad at all. my husband's parents took one room, and room two was going to be for the couples to trade off, but my mother is old, turns in fairly early, and has back issues, so we gave her the second room. this put all four young ones in the living room. there were enough beds, but zero privacy. i had the worst time trying to sleep, and lack of it combined with how...much energy a cruise demanded was getting to me. my bil and sil were always snoring and making noise, the boat noises were intense, and the pullman bed was too thin. my mother offered for me to share her room with her, and it was an easy choice. i love my husband, but it's not like we were able to have sex or even cuddle, and i can't exactly enjoy a cruise when i'm ready to pass out. i was able to be fun and happy for the remaining 5 days of the trip, and i think we all had a great time. i'm now hearing that it's a big problem that i didn't share a room with my husband (and two other people, mind), and that only a child would choose to share a bed with their mother over a spouse. i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'll accept criticism. [/INST] yta for inviting your mother on a trip with your husband's family. especially because you didn't even get her her own room elsewhere on the ship, you just decided to ask to squish her in with the rest of his family in what was already ridiculously close quarters. you deprived your bil and sil of the chance to have some privacy at any point, because who is going to be the asshole who tells you you can't bring your widowed mother? who is going to be the one to ask the old lady to sleep in the living room? come on, op. really. </s>
AITA for telling my son that he'll have to share his late mom's business with his stepmom and sibling?	i (48m) have a 19 year old son who was the product of my first marriage. when my son was 9, my late wife passed away from cancer. when we were both 25 she had used 80 percent of her inheritance to buy a gas station. she quit her job and for five years focused on the gas station. the first few years were rough and we needed the money i made from my job as a waiter to supplement our lifestyle. in the two years before her death, i became involved in the day to day operations. in her will, the gas station was left entirely to me. however, she indicated that she hoped i could teach my son about the business because while some families passed down homes, this was her legacy. i have since remarried to my wife (42f). she has a 15 year old son from a previous relationship who i consider my own. the business is smooth enough that we can mostly be absentee owners. my wife, however, has been working there for all day every saturday for a while now. she often brings my stepson to work. regretfully, i was too wrapped up with life's events to spend much time teaching my son about the business. i recently have become sick and my wife has constantly brought up my will and so has my older son. we have had many fights where she has stormed out and not come back for hours when i told her that my late wife wanted her son to get it eventually. because the medication i take gives me feelings of anxiety and depression it is extra painful when my wife will not want to talk to me because she is upset. she said that it was not fair to my stepson that i tell him i consider him my son yet i would not be leaving part ownership of the business, our greatest marital asset and legacy, to him. i had originally set up my will so all my assets outside the business would go to my wife and then she'd get 10 percent of the station. my other assets would give her around half my estate, and the business stake was just in case she needed more financial stability. my stepson gets a trust but the remaining 90 percent would go to my son. but i feel torn because i really do not know what is right anymore. after a heart to heart, i changed my will so that my wife, stepson, and my son would each have 1/3 of the business. the rest of my will remained the same. when my son got home from college and i decided to take him out so we could be alone. i broke the news to him gently that he would have to split the business equally with his stepmother and stepbrother. he was silent for a long time. he told me he believed his stepmom would end up trying to force a sale with his stepbrother eventually. he then said this didn't come as a shock to him but he was sure his late mother would have been surprised and told me to think on that. then he walked out and he has avoided me since. aita for doing what i have done? i already see the tension in the house and i feel like i always come home and walk into the aftermath of an argument between him and his stepmom.	4,467	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uurp00/aita_for_telling_my_son_that_hell_have_to_share/	2022-05-21 17:22:25	yta. you are disrespecting your late wife’s wishes and letting your current wife ruin the relationship with your son.	yta. this station was purchased with your son’s mother’s inheritance. you know that your first wife wanted the business to go to her son. you are allowing your current wife to bully you into her demands. she only works on saturdays so it isn’t as though she has poured her life into ensuring the business is successful. however, it sounds as though your deceased wife did. by splitting it into thirds, you are fucking your son over. your stepson and wife will have the majority ownership together. not to mention, why the hell are you giving stepson an equal share as your son?! it isn’t as though this is just some random piece of property. the strong financial and historical ties to your son’s mother make this an easy and clear answer.	yta your wife is manipulating you and you're falling for it. your late wife didn't marry your current wife. your son will never forgive you, she made you chose and you didn't pick your son, you're giving away his half too, not only yours.	yta. respect what your first wife wanted for her legacy and her business. the business should be left to your son, and you can divide other assets up as you see fit. at a bare minimum he should get a controlling 51% stake in it, and your wife can have the other 49%. but even that feels incredibly disrespectful to your late wife and your son. when your current wife one day passes she’s absolutely not going to be factoring your son into her will, so whatever you leave to her will go to her own son eventually. you need to think about your son now because she’s not going to.	yta. your stepson will now own 2/3 of it after your wife passes. your son will have none of his mother's legacy. your son should get the business. full stop ; it was the wishes of the first owner. too bad she didn't realize she needed to protect the business from you when she was setting up her will. fix the will. your son gets the business. it is not "marital property" just because she chose to work there. any other assets you have in your life and marriage should get split equally but not this.	yta, but not intentionally. reread your post and the words you used. new wife and stepson, despite spending saturdays there, view it as an asset. your son views it as his (and his mother's) legacy. i know circumstances change and you can't possibly share all your reasoning, but it really does sound like you're dishinoring your dead wife's wishes...and what's worse, your son expected exactly that. makes me wonder how your relationship evolved after your wife's passing. if your finances allow for it, why not transfer the business to your son now? it's not like you're in a condition to run it and for all anyone knows he might hate it. but you'll still be alive to do something about it.	yta -- unfortunately, your illness has revealed the awful truth about your current wife: she is only thinking about herself and her son, and you can be certain that if you pass away with this current will in place, the relationship with your biological son will be acrimonious and centered entirely around cashing out any value in that gas station. cut throat city. i understand that you care for you wife and stepson (as you should), and legally speaking you can do anything you want with the gas station, but your son's mother spent her inheritance on that gas station and intended for it to be her legacy - not a windfall for your subsequent wife and her child however wonderful they may be. the moral thing to do is leave the gas station to your son, and everything else to your wife and stepson. clean and clear. how to do that? well, the vultures are circling, so you may have to make your final will a secret. do you have an attorney? i suggest you allow your wife to believe that the will you recently completed is the final version so she is not haranguing you to death while you are sick, and execute a new final will with your attorney - complete with an acknowledgement that the previous will was executed under pressure. don't tell anyone about the final will - not even your son.	yta, your sons mother told you what she wanted and now you’re letting your second wife call the shots and proving your son right about her intentions	yta. it’s your late wife’s legacy. and you know she would have wanted it to go to her son. if your son developed a close relationship with his step mom and step brother and wanted to share with them that’s his thing. but you took that choice away from him. you got bullied by your current wife. the fact that she’s fighting a sick man over his will is awful and honestly should make you question what is she really in for? you got bullied and you gave away something that was special to your late wife and your son. that is awfully sad. your son has every right to not talk to you.	info: have you pointed out to your current wife that although you may consider your step son to be a son, your first wife—who funded the purchase of the gas station—did not. you are obliged to honour your first wife’s wishes	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (48m) have a 19 year old son who was the product of my first marriage. when my son was 9, my late wife passed away from cancer. when we were both 25 she had used 80 percent of her inheritance to buy a gas station. she quit her job and for five years focused on the gas station. the first few years were rough and we needed the money i made from my job as a waiter to supplement our lifestyle. in the two years before her death, i became involved in the day to day operations. in her will, the gas station was left entirely to me. however, she indicated that she hoped i could teach my son about the business because while some families passed down homes, this was her legacy. i have since remarried to my wife (42f). she has a 15 year old son from a previous relationship who i consider my own. the business is smooth enough that we can mostly be absentee owners. my wife, however, has been working there for all day every saturday for a while now. she often brings my stepson to work. regretfully, i was too wrapped up with life's events to spend much time teaching my son about the business. i recently have become sick and my wife has constantly brought up my will and so has my older son. we have had many fights where she has stormed out and not come back for hours when i told her that my late wife wanted her son to get it eventually. because the medication i take gives me feelings of anxiety and depression it is extra painful when my wife will not want to talk to me because she is upset. she said that it was not fair to my stepson that i tell him i consider him my son yet i would not be leaving part ownership of the business, our greatest marital asset and legacy, to him. i had originally set up my will so all my assets outside the business would go to my wife and then she'd get 10 percent of the station. my other assets would give her around half my estate, and the business stake was just in case she needed more financial stability. my stepson gets a trust but the remaining 90 percent would go to my son. but i feel torn because i really do not know what is right anymore. after a heart to heart, i changed my will so that my wife, stepson, and my son would each have 1/3 of the business. the rest of my will remained the same. when my son got home from college and i decided to take him out so we could be alone. i broke the news to him gently that he would have to split the business equally with his stepmother and stepbrother. he was silent for a long time. he told me he believed his stepmom would end up trying to force a sale with his stepbrother eventually. he then said this didn't come as a shock to him but he was sure his late mother would have been surprised and told me to think on that. then he walked out and he has avoided me since. aita for doing what i have done? i already see the tension in the house and i feel like i always come home and walk into the aftermath of an argument between him and his stepmom.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (48m) have a 19 year old son who was the product of my first marriage. when my son was 9, my late wife passed away from cancer. when we were both 25 she had used 80 percent of her inheritance to buy a gas station. she quit her job and for five years focused on the gas station. the first few years were rough and we needed the money i made from my job as a waiter to supplement our lifestyle. in the two years before her death, i became involved in the day to day operations. in her will, the gas station was left entirely to me. however, she indicated that she hoped i could teach my son about the business because while some families passed down homes, this was her legacy. i have since remarried to my wife (42f). she has a 15 year old son from a previous relationship who i consider my own. the business is smooth enough that we can mostly be absentee owners. my wife, however, has been working there for all day every saturday for a while now. she often brings my stepson to work. regretfully, i was too wrapped up with life's events to spend much time teaching my son about the business. i recently have become sick and my wife has constantly brought up my will and so has my older son. we have had many fights where she has stormed out and not come back for hours when i told her that my late wife wanted her son to get it eventually. because the medication i take gives me feelings of anxiety and depression it is extra painful when my wife will not want to talk to me because she is upset. she said that it was not fair to my stepson that i tell him i consider him my son yet i would not be leaving part ownership of the business, our greatest marital asset and legacy, to him. i had originally set up my will so all my assets outside the business would go to my wife and then she'd get 10 percent of the station. my other assets would give her around half my estate, and the business stake was just in case she needed more financial stability. my stepson gets a trust but the remaining 90 percent would go to my son. but i feel torn because i really do not know what is right anymore. after a heart to heart, i changed my will so that my wife, stepson, and my son would each have 1/3 of the business. the rest of my will remained the same. when my son got home from college and i decided to take him out so we could be alone. i broke the news to him gently that he would have to split the business equally with his stepmother and stepbrother. he was silent for a long time. he told me he believed his stepmom would end up trying to force a sale with his stepbrother eventually. he then said this didn't come as a shock to him but he was sure his late mother would have been surprised and told me to think on that. then he walked out and he has avoided me since. aita for doing what i have done? i already see the tension in the house and i feel like i always come home and walk into the aftermath of an argument between him and his stepmom. [/INST] yta. you are disrespecting your late wife’s wishes and letting your current wife ruin the relationship with your son. </s>
AITA for telling my wife WE are making our daughter, not her?	okay, so my wife and i are expecting our first child. she is 7 months along and we got an ultrasound yesterday to check on the progress (my wife’s medical issues caused the obgyn to be extra cautious). during the appointment, the tech was pointing out our daughter’s different body parts, telling us where the legs and feet are. it was the first time we didn’t really need the help, because we could see our baby looking like a real baby. my wife started crying, and i was comforting her, when she said the words. “i can’t believe i’m making a human being.” i kept comforting her, but i waited a few minutes and, once the tech was gone, gently reminded her that we are both the parents, not just her. i also told her that saying she’s “making” the baby on her own is not accurate, since i provided half the genetic material. my wife was still emotional at this point, and she started crying again thinking i don’t appreciate what she’s putting her body through to be pregnant. obviously this is false, especially since her pregnancy has been so tough that i’ve attended at least two doctors appointments every month. i show her with actions, not words, that i appreciate her. i just don’t think it’s fair to claim i haven’t contributed something to making our daughter. she is still upset the next day. so, aita?	15,828	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b2kqov/aita_for_telling_my_wife_we_are_making_our/	2019-03-18 16:26:43	yta. you aren’t making shit. all you did was shoot a load into her. she’s the one dealing with an the body and hormonal changes. get over yourself. wow thanks for all the upvotes everyone. this is the first post i’ve had with more than a response or two definitely wasn’t expecting it.	yta. you provided half the material but her body is creating the human. it is literally growing and forming inside her body. not yours. she’s the one feeling the physical changes and not to mention emotional changes due to the physical changes. you are not experiencing any physical changes to your body. you are not carrying this child, you are not forming it inside of your body.	y t a hahahah hahahah hahahaha oh god. dude. you finished inside her. great job! man you sure are a trooper. she’s literally enduring one of the most difficult and straining things the human body can endure. she’s growing a human. she’s going to push that human through a hole in her in one of the most horrifically painful and traumatic experiences she will ever have in her life. that’s like you dropping a seed on the ground, then sitting there watching it while your wife waters it, tends to it, and then harvests all the fruit, and then you being proud of all the hard word you did. listen man, you’re having a kid! that’s great. i’m sure he/she is gonna be beautiful and gonna make you so happy. but now is not the time to have a dick measuring contest with you wife. she’s emotional, hormonal, tired, and is just amazed at what her body is going through.	yta you're getting really anal about the way things are termed and your logic doesn't even make sense: let's say we want to eat a meal together. if i buy half the ingredients and you buy half the ingredients, we have contributed 50/50 to the materials needed to make a meal. but then if i'm the one who cooks the meal, while you go off and do something else, only i have made the meal. similarly, your wife is the one currently making the baby. her body is the one nurturing and forming it. you've done your part by contributing half the genetic material. in short, shut the hell up, support your wife and marvel at the wonder of the life inside her.	i'm currently 8.5 months pregnant and i hate you so much right now	yta your part happened and finished 7 months ago in terms of “making” the baby. you are not growing the baby. your internal organs haven’t been pushed up into your chest due to the growth of the child. your body is not dealing with the hormone fluctuations and the weight gain. your body will not be the one dealing with the trauma of labour and birth in a few short months. your body will not be the one recovering for months/years from birthing your daughter. so yes, you’re an asshole for telling her that it’s “not just her.” because it is.	yta. > i just don’t think it’s fair to claim i haven’t contributed something to making our daughter. that's not even close to what she said. she said she's making a human being. which is exactly what she's doing. she didn't say "i'm making a human being *and you're not*." she didn't say "you didn't contribute anything." she didn't say anything at all about you, so i'm having a hard time what you're getting so upset about. quit being so sensitive and technical and just enjoy the wonders of becoming a parent.	yta 100%. you had an orgasm. good for you! she made an egg. even so far i guess. but now she is literally growing a human inside her body. this is not a team effort. no matter how supportive you are, unless you’re literally cooking up a fetal liver in your abdominal cavity that will be added to the final product, you are not making your daughter.	yta. i concur with what everyone else is saying, but i'm also concerned that you might have trouble when things aren't about you or when you don't get your due credit. that is what worries me more for your wife. are your going to need validation every time you give your daughter a bath or change her diaper? you are so adamant that this is a team effort; don't forget that part when your wife has to feed her or if she's bearing most of the chore load.	you are such the asshole. jesus dude. unless and until you use your own blood, tissues and bones to physically, 24/7 manufacture a baby, get the fuck over yourself pronto. you're half the blue prints, not the construction crew.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, so my wife and i are expecting our first child. she is 7 months along and we got an ultrasound yesterday to check on the progress (my wife’s medical issues caused the obgyn to be extra cautious). during the appointment, the tech was pointing out our daughter’s different body parts, telling us where the legs and feet are. it was the first time we didn’t really need the help, because we could see our baby looking like a real baby. my wife started crying, and i was comforting her, when she said the words. “i can’t believe i’m making a human being.” i kept comforting her, but i waited a few minutes and, once the tech was gone, gently reminded her that we are both the parents, not just her. i also told her that saying she’s “making” the baby on her own is not accurate, since i provided half the genetic material. my wife was still emotional at this point, and she started crying again thinking i don’t appreciate what she’s putting her body through to be pregnant. obviously this is false, especially since her pregnancy has been so tough that i’ve attended at least two doctors appointments every month. i show her with actions, not words, that i appreciate her. i just don’t think it’s fair to claim i haven’t contributed something to making our daughter. she is still upset the next day. so, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> okay, so my wife and i are expecting our first child. she is 7 months along and we got an ultrasound yesterday to check on the progress (my wife’s medical issues caused the obgyn to be extra cautious). during the appointment, the tech was pointing out our daughter’s different body parts, telling us where the legs and feet are. it was the first time we didn’t really need the help, because we could see our baby looking like a real baby. my wife started crying, and i was comforting her, when she said the words. “i can’t believe i’m making a human being.” i kept comforting her, but i waited a few minutes and, once the tech was gone, gently reminded her that we are both the parents, not just her. i also told her that saying she’s “making” the baby on her own is not accurate, since i provided half the genetic material. my wife was still emotional at this point, and she started crying again thinking i don’t appreciate what she’s putting her body through to be pregnant. obviously this is false, especially since her pregnancy has been so tough that i’ve attended at least two doctors appointments every month. i show her with actions, not words, that i appreciate her. i just don’t think it’s fair to claim i haven’t contributed something to making our daughter. she is still upset the next day. so, aita? [/INST] yta. you aren’t making shit. all you did was shoot a load into her. she’s the one dealing with an the body and hormonal changes. get over yourself. wow thanks for all the upvotes everyone. this is the first post i’ve had with more than a response or two definitely wasn’t expecting it. </s>
AITA for "freaking" out over a nickname.	my 4 year old is called winifred rose , we call her rosie or, much less often, freddie, she's named after my husbands grandmother, and i love the meaning behind the name, "blessed peacemaking" i don't know why but mil has taken to calling her winwin and i just cringe at that, i absolutely hate it and she doesn't react to being called that at all so mil will sit there screeching "winwin!! winwin!!!" and my daughter doesn't react at all. i've asked her several times to stop calling her that, i hate it. well, we were on skype with her earlier and she just kept repeating winwin to get my daughters attention, no luck, i asked her to stop and she keeps on. so i snapped and said "stop ! i'll start calling you something you dont like shall i? call back when you learn my daughters name" she hasnt called back, didn't even call to wish rosie happy birthday. my husband thinks i was overly harsh for freaking out over something so small and is super moody atm. aita?	7,094	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fxth7t/aita_for_freaking_out_over_a_nickname/	2020-04-09 14:34:04	yta for your reaction. that’s was an insane over reaction. your daughter doesn’t know it’s supposed to be her nickname yet, doesn’t mean she doesn’t like it. i have a feeling you don’t exactly love this mother in law on the best days, or you wouldn’t have reacted this way.. your child is going to have nicknames you didn’t pick... you gave your child a name that will shortened. this is really on you. it’s very controlling to decide no one can ever call your child anything except what you have picked out.	yta for thinking winwin is worse than naming your kid winifred	yta mildly. you're right on the edge of your kid going to school and starting interactions, so i think you should disabuse yourself of the notion that you can control nicknames your kids get. this situation was more understandable, but in the next few years your kid is going to start getting and keeping nicknames you don't like and you can't get mad at people over it.	yta. she needed to be told, just not like that. "stop trying to make winwin happen, she doesn't react to it, it's not going to happen". the points been made, and a little bit of sass	yta. you named your kid winifred rose. she's going to get called way worse than "winwin" in school.	yta for giving your kid a weird ass name and then overreacting when people try to make up for your mistake with a fun nickname. winwin isn’t the worst to come out of your loselose situation.	esh - you for overreacting. grandma for not respecting your daughter's boundaries. you again for being biased and controlling; your daughter has the right to choose her own nickname regardless of age. would you have been ok with the nickname if your daughter had responded well to it?	yta. huge overreaction. and you don't even call your kid their name. is winwin really much worse than freddie for a girl named winifred rose?	yta. because it kinda unfair to police nick names for kids from anyone, specifically their family. i'd get if she was old enough and told you she doesn't like it or if she showed signs of not liking it but she hasn't. she's probably not responding because it's still new to her and it hasn't clicked in her mind that the name refers to her. you can't just ban the name because you don't like it. it's not for you, it's for your kid. where she could suck is that she could notice you don't like it and be more considerate but that would up to her and wouldn't make her an asshole if she decided she didn't care what you think. even your reaction is fucked up and doesn't even make sense because her calling winwin that and you not liking it, is not like you calling her something shr doesn't like. get over yourself.	yta jesus christ it's a nickname. your daughter doesn't seem upset by it. you reacted as if she has been straight up insulting your daughter. and you definitely cannot control what nicknames your daughter gets. that's a losing battle.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 4 year old is called winifred rose , we call her rosie or, much less often, freddie, she's named after my husbands grandmother, and i love the meaning behind the name, "blessed peacemaking" i don't know why but mil has taken to calling her winwin and i just cringe at that, i absolutely hate it and she doesn't react to being called that at all so mil will sit there screeching "winwin!! winwin!!!" and my daughter doesn't react at all. i've asked her several times to stop calling her that, i hate it. well, we were on skype with her earlier and she just kept repeating winwin to get my daughters attention, no luck, i asked her to stop and she keeps on. so i snapped and said "stop ! i'll start calling you something you dont like shall i? call back when you learn my daughters name" she hasnt called back, didn't even call to wish rosie happy birthday. my husband thinks i was overly harsh for freaking out over something so small and is super moody atm. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my 4 year old is called winifred rose , we call her rosie or, much less often, freddie, she's named after my husbands grandmother, and i love the meaning behind the name, "blessed peacemaking" i don't know why but mil has taken to calling her winwin and i just cringe at that, i absolutely hate it and she doesn't react to being called that at all so mil will sit there screeching "winwin!! winwin!!!" and my daughter doesn't react at all. i've asked her several times to stop calling her that, i hate it. well, we were on skype with her earlier and she just kept repeating winwin to get my daughters attention, no luck, i asked her to stop and she keeps on. so i snapped and said "stop ! i'll start calling you something you dont like shall i? call back when you learn my daughters name" she hasnt called back, didn't even call to wish rosie happy birthday. my husband thinks i was overly harsh for freaking out over something so small and is super moody atm. aita? [/INST] yta for your reaction. that’s was an insane over reaction. your daughter doesn’t know it’s supposed to be her nickname yet, doesn’t mean she doesn’t like it. i have a feeling you don’t exactly love this mother in law on the best days, or you wouldn’t have reacted this way.. your child is going to have nicknames you didn’t pick... you gave your child a name that will shortened. this is really on you. it’s very controlling to decide no one can ever call your child anything except what you have picked out. </s>
AITA for ordering a vegan burger for my boyfriend?	update (scroll down for original post): wow, this blew up! firstly, i wanted to address a couple of comments: 1. he doesn't have any allergies - obviously i wouldn't have ordered the burger if there was a chance it might cause him harm. 2. this isn't part of some grand scheme to turn him vegan. i respect his right to eat meat, and i don't bother him about this. in fact, he's generally the only one to bring up my veganism (usually in the context of making fun of my food, which can get pretty exhausting). anyway, after reading lots of the comments i apologised for giving him vegan food without asking for permission. he said i should apologise for making him look like an idiot by letting him brag about the "beef" burger when i knew it was fake. i said i was sorry about that, but also mentioned that he doesn't make me feel great when he makes fun of my food all the time. he's seen the message but he hasn't replied, i'm honestly kind of pissed off but i'll wait and see what he says. original post: i really don’t think i’m the asshole here, but his friends are saying i am so i wanted to get some opinions. i’ve been a vegan for the past 2 years, whereas my boyfriend is adamant that he would never give up meat. he always complains about how vegan food doesn’t taste as good, isn’t filling etc, and he’s normally not willing to try new things. anyway, last night we were on a date at a burger chain. the chain lets you order with an app. he was busy on his phone and told me to order for him, and he wanted a beef burger. i asked which one and he said “i’m busy, you choose.” i noticed that the restaurant sold the beyond burger - if you don’t know, it’s a kind of “fake meat” burger which is designed to be realistic. i’ve heard it’s actually really similar to meat, so i order him one mostly out of interest to see if he’d notice. i got myself a bean burger, so he wouldn’t notice we had the same meal and get suspicious. the meal arrives and he really loves it! i kept subtly asking him how it was and he said it was great! he even boasted about it being tastier than my “lame” veggie burger. after we’d paid up, i told him the truth and he was pissed, saying i tricked him and violated his trust etc. but he loved the burger?? i think he’s just feeling sensitive about being proven wrong, but he asked his friends and they’re saying i’m trying to control his diet and stuff. so aita?	6,523	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c44qnb/aita_for_ordering_a_vegan_burger_for_my_boyfriend/	2019-06-23 13:34:45	yta, you set him up deliberately to try and "prove him wrong" about whatever. do you know how shitty that feels? this is nothing to do with being vegan and everything to do with being a self- righteous ass.	this going to be unpopular, but i am gonna say switching out a meat product for non-meat when a person doesn't have dietary restrictions is different than switching non-meat for meat for a vegan. they are both deceitful, but one is just straight up cruel. i think that everyone is over-reacting, including everyone straight bashing you on this thread. i think you yta, but don't cry about it. i would apologize to your bf and just ask him next time.	yta. reverse the situation and imagine he gave you meat saying it was fake/imitation meat and violated your trust and consent.	i think you're nta and the comments that it's the same as if he had served you meat are a bit dumb. you don't ever eat meat, but he most likely does eat vegetables. it also doesn't conflict with any ethical or health-related concerns to eat a vegan burger one time. seems exaggerating to make that big of a deal about it.	esh. i don’t understand why people like this keep dating. he doesn’t just not want to be apart of your lifestyle, he actively shits on it. so there is a lack of respect there. and obviously you aren’t going to just start eating meat again. i mean he’s so offended by vegan food he won’t even try it. you guys aren’t compatible but it’s not because one of you is vegan and the other isn’t. it’s because this guy has a shit attitude and you have a level persistence needing to prove him wrong that makes me think you want him to change someday. there’s just a very obvious lack of respect for each other’s choices.	> he was pissed, saying i tricked him and violated his trust etc. but he loved the burger?? what does loving the burger have to do with you clearly violating his trust and manipulating him? yta	esh you are an asshole for giving him a burger you knew he didn't want. the thing a lot of people are missing though, is that his continous comments about meat being better is also being an asshole. he's continously putting your dietary preference down without even tasting the dishes, just because it's vegan. it's childish and a ''us vs them'' mentality a lot of meat eaters seem to have.	nta. he told you to choose a burger for him and you did. the beyond burger is delicious and better than most real meat burgers anyway. i'm a meat eater, but damn, my fellow meat eaters are a really fragile bunch, judging by the comments here.	nta: i see a lot of comments about it not being morally right to trick someone about what they're putting in their body (and i do agree that in 99% of situations it's not ok) but honestly don't think those arguments apply in this particular instance. it's not like he had any actual personal/principled reasons for not eating a vegan burger. truly just sounds that his ego got bruised for unknowingly enjoying a vegan burger	yta. any situation that involves messing with people's bodies and what they put in them is shady as hell.	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	ESH	YTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	YTA	0.427172	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: update (scroll down for original post): wow, this blew up! firstly, i wanted to address a couple of comments: 1. he doesn't have any allergies - obviously i wouldn't have ordered the burger if there was a chance it might cause him harm. 2. this isn't part of some grand scheme to turn him vegan. i respect his right to eat meat, and i don't bother him about this. in fact, he's generally the only one to bring up my veganism (usually in the context of making fun of my food, which can get pretty exhausting). anyway, after reading lots of the comments i apologised for giving him vegan food without asking for permission. he said i should apologise for making him look like an idiot by letting him brag about the "beef" burger when i knew it was fake. i said i was sorry about that, but also mentioned that he doesn't make me feel great when he makes fun of my food all the time. he's seen the message but he hasn't replied, i'm honestly kind of pissed off but i'll wait and see what he says. original post: i really don’t think i’m the asshole here, but his friends are saying i am so i wanted to get some opinions. i’ve been a vegan for the past 2 years, whereas my boyfriend is adamant that he would never give up meat. he always complains about how vegan food doesn’t taste as good, isn’t filling etc, and he’s normally not willing to try new things. anyway, last night we were on a date at a burger chain. the chain lets you order with an app. he was busy on his phone and told me to order for him, and he wanted a beef burger. i asked which one and he said “i’m busy, you choose.” i noticed that the restaurant sold the beyond burger - if you don’t know, it’s a kind of “fake meat” burger which is designed to be realistic. i’ve heard it’s actually really similar to meat, so i order him one mostly out of interest to see if he’d notice. i got myself a bean burger, so he wouldn’t notice we had the same meal and get suspicious. the meal arrives and he really loves it! i kept subtly asking him how it was and he said it was great! he even boasted about it being tastier than my “lame” veggie burger. after we’d paid up, i told him the truth and he was pissed, saying i tricked him and violated his trust etc. but he loved the burger?? i think he’s just feeling sensitive about being proven wrong, but he asked his friends and they’re saying i’m trying to control his diet and stuff. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> update (scroll down for original post): wow, this blew up! firstly, i wanted to address a couple of comments: 1. he doesn't have any allergies - obviously i wouldn't have ordered the burger if there was a chance it might cause him harm. 2. this isn't part of some grand scheme to turn him vegan. i respect his right to eat meat, and i don't bother him about this. in fact, he's generally the only one to bring up my veganism (usually in the context of making fun of my food, which can get pretty exhausting). anyway, after reading lots of the comments i apologised for giving him vegan food without asking for permission. he said i should apologise for making him look like an idiot by letting him brag about the "beef" burger when i knew it was fake. i said i was sorry about that, but also mentioned that he doesn't make me feel great when he makes fun of my food all the time. he's seen the message but he hasn't replied, i'm honestly kind of pissed off but i'll wait and see what he says. original post: i really don’t think i’m the asshole here, but his friends are saying i am so i wanted to get some opinions. i’ve been a vegan for the past 2 years, whereas my boyfriend is adamant that he would never give up meat. he always complains about how vegan food doesn’t taste as good, isn’t filling etc, and he’s normally not willing to try new things. anyway, last night we were on a date at a burger chain. the chain lets you order with an app. he was busy on his phone and told me to order for him, and he wanted a beef burger. i asked which one and he said “i’m busy, you choose.” i noticed that the restaurant sold the beyond burger - if you don’t know, it’s a kind of “fake meat” burger which is designed to be realistic. i’ve heard it’s actually really similar to meat, so i order him one mostly out of interest to see if he’d notice. i got myself a bean burger, so he wouldn’t notice we had the same meal and get suspicious. the meal arrives and he really loves it! i kept subtly asking him how it was and he said it was great! he even boasted about it being tastier than my “lame” veggie burger. after we’d paid up, i told him the truth and he was pissed, saying i tricked him and violated his trust etc. but he loved the burger?? i think he’s just feeling sensitive about being proven wrong, but he asked his friends and they’re saying i’m trying to control his diet and stuff. so aita? [/INST] yta, you set him up deliberately to try and "prove him wrong" about whatever. do you know how shitty that feels? this is nothing to do with being vegan and everything to do with being a self- righteous ass. </s>
AITA For banning my brother from bringing his indian gf to my wedding?	title sounds very bad and horribly racist, but let me clarify: so my brother (he's 25) has been dating an american-born girl to indian parents since last year (she's 23). her parents do not like their relationship because he's white and probably prefer her to find an indian man. he has been trying to gain their approval but failing and from what he said, they continue to shrug him off and actively exclude him if she tries to bring him to her family events. this has annoyed me because my brother is one of the nicest people i know. in the mean time, i proposed to my girlfriend and we're sending out invites to everyone. i came to the difficult decision that since his gf's family will not accept him, we will not accept her. i talked it over with my girlfriend and told her how strongly i feel about this and she agreed. i didn't want to spring this up on her, so i asked his gf if we could meet up and i sat down with her and explained that in good conscious, i could not invite her to our wedding if her family cannot accept my brother and i essentially boiled it down to "if they don't want my brother, we don't want you." i told her she will be banned from all of our future family events until something changes with her parents in regards to my brother. she got upset about it and this caused a huge divide in my family. my brother obviously is against it but i wanted to do it out of support for him. other relatives agreed this was the right thing to do, but i've been seeking judgement from outside my family to gain a clearer perspective if i was being an asshole in making this decision?	17,809	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fcvpq1/aita_for_banning_my_brother_from_bringing_his/	2020-03-03 14:56:44	yta. oh dear god. why are you being so cruel? she chose your brother despite her parents wishes and age is still choosing him. why are you punishing her (and your brother) for the actions of her parents?!	yta. this is your brother's choice, not yours. yes, her parents are horrible people. now you are too.	yta. if it's the parents and not the girl, she doesn't deserve to be banned from anything. as long as she's a supportive loving girlfriend who accepts your brother, it shouldn't matter what her parents feel. at least as far as a wedding goes. it's not okay to blame the girlfriend for the parents feelings, she cannot control that.	yta. as an indian myself, i feel disgusted by you. how can you punish the gf for something her parents are doing.	yta what kind of grade-school logic is that?	yta why are you making their relationship more difficult than it already is? she can’t force her parents to like your brother. you’re being incredibly mean and isolating this poor girl for something she can’t control. you say you’re doing this for your brother, but this behavior is only going to hurt him.	yta. two wrongs dont make a right. set an example by being accepting and inclusive, not petty and vindictive.	yta. you’re punishing his girlfriend for what her family does. she is not her family and she loves your brother. you’re no better than her family if you do this.	yta also as a side note there was zero fucking reason to even mention her race because it has nothing to do with anything relevant. you’re just as much of an asshole as her family is. maybe more because you’re doing it in retaliation.	yta. > i came to the difficult decision that since his gf's family will not accept him, we will not accept her. how on earth can you think that makes sense? you hurting her is not going to make her family hurting your brother any better, and it sounds like you're punishing the innocent. please stop this, it's horrible.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: title sounds very bad and horribly racist, but let me clarify: so my brother (he's 25) has been dating an american-born girl to indian parents since last year (she's 23). her parents do not like their relationship because he's white and probably prefer her to find an indian man. he has been trying to gain their approval but failing and from what he said, they continue to shrug him off and actively exclude him if she tries to bring him to her family events. this has annoyed me because my brother is one of the nicest people i know. in the mean time, i proposed to my girlfriend and we're sending out invites to everyone. i came to the difficult decision that since his gf's family will not accept him, we will not accept her. i talked it over with my girlfriend and told her how strongly i feel about this and she agreed. i didn't want to spring this up on her, so i asked his gf if we could meet up and i sat down with her and explained that in good conscious, i could not invite her to our wedding if her family cannot accept my brother and i essentially boiled it down to "if they don't want my brother, we don't want you." i told her she will be banned from all of our future family events until something changes with her parents in regards to my brother. she got upset about it and this caused a huge divide in my family. my brother obviously is against it but i wanted to do it out of support for him. other relatives agreed this was the right thing to do, but i've been seeking judgement from outside my family to gain a clearer perspective if i was being an asshole in making this decision?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> title sounds very bad and horribly racist, but let me clarify: so my brother (he's 25) has been dating an american-born girl to indian parents since last year (she's 23). her parents do not like their relationship because he's white and probably prefer her to find an indian man. he has been trying to gain their approval but failing and from what he said, they continue to shrug him off and actively exclude him if she tries to bring him to her family events. this has annoyed me because my brother is one of the nicest people i know. in the mean time, i proposed to my girlfriend and we're sending out invites to everyone. i came to the difficult decision that since his gf's family will not accept him, we will not accept her. i talked it over with my girlfriend and told her how strongly i feel about this and she agreed. i didn't want to spring this up on her, so i asked his gf if we could meet up and i sat down with her and explained that in good conscious, i could not invite her to our wedding if her family cannot accept my brother and i essentially boiled it down to "if they don't want my brother, we don't want you." i told her she will be banned from all of our future family events until something changes with her parents in regards to my brother. she got upset about it and this caused a huge divide in my family. my brother obviously is against it but i wanted to do it out of support for him. other relatives agreed this was the right thing to do, but i've been seeking judgement from outside my family to gain a clearer perspective if i was being an asshole in making this decision? [/INST] yta. oh dear god. why are you being so cruel? she chose your brother despite her parents wishes and age is still choosing him. why are you punishing her (and your brother) for the actions of her parents?! </s>
AITA for Including my coworker in Secret Santa when she clearly does not want to be in it?		7,022	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zeza77/aita_for_including_my_coworker_in_secret_santa/	2022-12-07 11:53:25	yta. enforced fun is not fun. if she doesn’t want to take part you should have left her out.	yta. secret santa sucks because people often say it’s voluntary, and then there still ends up being situations like this, where you’re still either voluntold or bullied into it. it’s just being harassed into spending more money at a time of year when money is already tight and inflation is killing everyone, all so that you can buy someone you barely know or may not even like something they probably don’t even want.	yta forced personal events at work are unprofessional and toxic. people should be given the choice and if they say no she should not be involved in any capacity. by all means run extra events and invite people to participate, but this is not her job. she has said no, loudly and clearly. involving her is ridiculous. why does your enjoyment of this event have to hinge on her being involved? you're making this all about you, this whole post is about how you feel about her not having a gift or how awkward you would feel. and you call her the selfish one.	yta leave them alone, they don't want to be involved in this. if you tried to force this on me, i'd go to hr and file a complaint about harassment and a toxic work environment.	yta. do you typically force your holiday things on everyone or just your coworkers? even if the company is tiny you can’t do that. especially a trinket one week, real gift the next, then dinner. what the actual fuck are you trying to court them or something? you’ll be lucky to get a homemade card from me. shit, you’ll be lucky if i text my coworkers anything related to “happy holidays” i’m annoyed for everyone involved.	yta one of the fastest ways to make a person feel disrespected is exactly what you have done. she very clearly said it made her unhappy, she did not want to participate, but you decided you knew what she wanted better than she did. then you concocted a rather elaborate scheme to also lie to her (and apparently several others) for an extended period of time. what did you honestly think was going to happen? “oh gosh op, thank you so much for trampling all my boundaries and forcing me to remember a time i felt forgotten and undervalued by my coworkers so you could feel better about yourself. i can’t imagine how i ever would have survived missing a secret santa!”	yta. she made a clear request, and you completely disregarded it. no means no -- in all things.	yta leave that woman alone! i doubt her feelings will be hurt seeing y’all exchanging those gift sets with each other.	yta. you’re projecting your feelings onto your colleague. she won’t have a bad experience being left out because that’s exactly what she wants. she will have a bad experience when she receives gifts, knowing that you don’t care how she feels. just because you love secret santa, it doesn’t mean that everyone does.	she sounds whiney but, you're blatantly disregarding her wishes that she's made very known. i also can't help but, find it ironic that you call her selfish and in the same post state that she should essentially just suck it up. yta.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> [/INST] yta. enforced fun is not fun. if she doesn’t want to take part you should have left her out. </s>

Subsets and Splits

No community queries yet

The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.