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AITA for demanding my Tinder date to pay half of the bill amount to me after realising we won't have another date ?
|
i usually don't split the bill when i go out on dates but mostly the other person makes upto it by paying the next time we meet or paying for something else like movie tickets on the same day.
i matched with a girl , after a few days of talking we decided to go out and i paid the bill that day.
after a few days when i asked for another date she declined . she started to sound kinda rude and always wanted to start a fight (wierd) which went on for a bit more than a week , so i decided to ask what's wrong and she said she has a boy friend and she feels guilty for coming out with me. she also added that we should stop talking , i was ok with that but i felt scammed so i asked her to pay half the bill from the first date for which she blocked me .
which totally pissed me off so i texted her on other social media and made request in money sharing app . for which she called me "a** hole" and other things cause nice guys don't ask women to pay (wtf!) . i got so pissed off and called her liar and pig and eventually she paid up the money the same day.
today i saw a post[https://www.reddit.com/r/choosingbeggars/comments/de3faj/what_a_winner/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share] in r/choosingbeggers which kinda reminded me about that , so please tell me aita ?
ps : english is not my first language and sorry for the poor formatting as i'm on my mobile.
edit : just had time to go through the comments. i understand the fact that harassing for the money is a ass hole move but i wasn't being a creep by hunting down her social media accounts we added each other in fb and instagram before meeting up .
it was agreed that i would pay that time and she would pay the next time .
i believe that "i have a bf" part isn't made up and i wasn't pestering for another date . i just asked on 2 occasion (on a holiday and once when i was near her work) . she revealed the boy friend part much later because i asked her why is she being "cranky" . like she would be mad that i didn't call or text back , that i replied late , cause i laughed at a rant about minor inconvenience etc .
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dee9s9/aita_for_demanding_my_tinder_date_to_pay_half_of/
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2019-10-07 03:57:26
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yta. you offered to pay and cover it. you take the risk if there's a second date or not. you don't get to demand refund when you find out it didn't work out. what's even worse you then harassed her on other social media platforms.
sure, she was shitty, but damn man you took it too far.
|
esh- she’s an asshole for cheating on her bf, but conditionally paying for a date only if there’s a second makes you the asshole. there are all kinds of reasons a second date might not happen. if you want to split the cost, make that clear before you pay.
|
yta
if you had said at the start of the date that you paying for it in full was dependent on a second date then it would be okay to ask for her to pay you back. you harassed her into paying you back because she turned you down. you’re an asshole all the way around.
|
yta.
you paid for the first date. she declined a second date. i’m sorry that didn’t work out; sometimes it doesn’t, but you don’t get to ask for a refund for part of the first date at that point (you could have asked to split costs on the first date, but asking for a refund at that point is rude).
it’s not rude of her to decline a second date - she can decline if she likes. from the way you put that - is there any chance you were trying to continue to push for a second date after she’d already tried to say no but you didn’t want to accept her “no” - and is there any chance she mentioned a “boyfriend” in the hope of getting you to accept her “no” and end the conversation? (she may or may not have had a boyfriend at the time of your date, by the way, even if she has one now. there’s no way to know. maybe she met someone else right after your date, or maybe she got back together with someone. who knows? but it’s possible she told you about it because she couldn’t figure out how else to get you to leave her alone.)
wondering about that because you called her declining of the second date “rude” and sounded like you didn’t want to accept it, and it sounds like you were not-so-subtly implying she owed you somehow (either another date or money), and then when she blocked you, you tracked her down elsewhere (creepy) and requested money and insulted her (harassing). and you’re wondering if you were wrong to do so.
yeah. yta.
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yta. for sure.
|
yta. while it's not wrong to not be okay with paying for all tinder dates' dinner, the proper thing to do in this case is to not cover it in the first place. be upfront that you like to split the bill on the first couple of dates when you meet people online. paying for her meal and then never going for another is just a risk you take when you go out with strangers from the internet and decide to pay for their meal.
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esh. you suck because you paying for date one was conditional and then you called her names to get your way. you were okay with paying until you didn’t get anything out of it, then you wanted her to pay. she sucks for being a liar and being on tinder when she has a boyfriend. and she also sucks for how she talked to you as well.
don’t give with the intent to be reciprocated and you will never be disappointed.
|
this has to be a shitpost.
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yta - if you agreed to pay you cant ask her for a refund just because she didnt want to go out with you again.
i didnt say everyone sucked because idk the whole situation maybe her and her boyfriend broke up for a bit or they weren't official idk and i dont care. just cur your losses and next time just say before hand that you want to split the bill
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esh - if you paying for dates is dependent on whether you have more dates then maybe you should start out on all your first dates with asking the other person to go halves on the bill. that way if this happens again you don't feel scammed.
|
YTA
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ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| null |
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.006547 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i usually don't split the bill when i go out on dates but mostly the other person makes upto it by paying the next time we meet or paying for something else like movie tickets on the same day. i matched with a girl , after a few days of talking we decided to go out and i paid the bill that day. after a few days when i asked for another date she declined . she started to sound kinda rude and always wanted to start a fight (wierd) which went on for a bit more than a week , so i decided to ask what's wrong and she said she has a boy friend and she feels guilty for coming out with me. she also added that we should stop talking , i was ok with that but i felt scammed so i asked her to pay half the bill from the first date for which she blocked me . which totally pissed me off so i texted her on other social media and made request in money sharing app . for which she called me "a** hole" and other things cause nice guys don't ask women to pay (wtf!) . i got so pissed off and called her liar and pig and eventually she paid up the money the same day. today i saw a post[https://www.reddit.com/r/choosingbeggars/comments/de3faj/what_a_winner/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share] in r/choosingbeggers which kinda reminded me about that , so please tell me aita ? ps : english is not my first language and sorry for the poor formatting as i'm on my mobile. edit : just had time to go through the comments. i understand the fact that harassing for the money is a ass hole move but i wasn't being a creep by hunting down her social media accounts we added each other in fb and instagram before meeting up . it was agreed that i would pay that time and she would pay the next time . i believe that "i have a bf" part isn't made up and i wasn't pestering for another date . i just asked on 2 occasion (on a holiday and once when i was near her work) . she revealed the boy friend part much later because i asked her why is she being "cranky" . like she would be mad that i didn't call or text back , that i replied late , cause i laughed at a rant about minor inconvenience etc .
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i usually don't split the bill when i go out on dates but mostly the other person makes upto it by paying the next time we meet or paying for something else like movie tickets on the same day. i matched with a girl , after a few days of talking we decided to go out and i paid the bill that day. after a few days when i asked for another date she declined . she started to sound kinda rude and always wanted to start a fight (wierd) which went on for a bit more than a week , so i decided to ask what's wrong and she said she has a boy friend and she feels guilty for coming out with me. she also added that we should stop talking , i was ok with that but i felt scammed so i asked her to pay half the bill from the first date for which she blocked me . which totally pissed me off so i texted her on other social media and made request in money sharing app . for which she called me "a** hole" and other things cause nice guys don't ask women to pay (wtf!) . i got so pissed off and called her liar and pig and eventually she paid up the money the same day. today i saw a post[https://www.reddit.com/r/choosingbeggars/comments/de3faj/what_a_winner/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share] in r/choosingbeggers which kinda reminded me about that , so please tell me aita ? ps : english is not my first language and sorry for the poor formatting as i'm on my mobile. edit : just had time to go through the comments. i understand the fact that harassing for the money is a ass hole move but i wasn't being a creep by hunting down her social media accounts we added each other in fb and instagram before meeting up . it was agreed that i would pay that time and she would pay the next time . i believe that "i have a bf" part isn't made up and i wasn't pestering for another date . i just asked on 2 occasion (on a holiday and once when i was near her work) . she revealed the boy friend part much later because i asked her why is she being "cranky" . like she would be mad that i didn't call or text back , that i replied late , cause i laughed at a rant about minor inconvenience etc . [/INST] yta. you offered to pay and cover it. you take the risk if there's a second date or not. you don't get to demand refund when you find out it didn't work out. what's even worse you then harassed her on other social media platforms. sure, she was shitty, but damn man you took it too far. </s>
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WIBTA if I tell my co-workers to stop complaining that there aren't any cute girls at work?
|
i (26f) work in a tech company which consists mostly of men and the table i sit on, is just me and 3 men (26-31). i have a great relationship with them, and they love having me around.
however, they would often complain that there aren't any cute girls at work, and they'd say that right in front of me as if i wasn't there. yesterday we found out that there are 3 new guys joining next month, and they were like 'why are there only guys joining, there is no cute girl in this department blah blah blah'
i probably sound like i'm overreacting, but i feel a setback when they say such things, especially considering the fact that i do have confidence issues when it comes to talking to people, especially men.
i'm definitely not a model, but i consider myself quite good-looking and have often been told so, but still hearing these things affects my confidence.
wibta if i tell my co-workers to stop complaining that there aren't any cute girls at work?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pq9blo/wibta_if_i_tell_my_coworkers_to_stop_complaining/
|
2021-09-17 21:34:37
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nta, just complain about the lack of cute guys at work 🤷🏼♀️
|
[deleted]
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nta! their comments suggest they view woman coworkers as eye candy for their own enjoyment, and that’s hella creepy.
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nta. but it would probably be more effective to roast them. like, "if you want cute girls to work here, first you'd have to hire some cute guys to draw some in."
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wow - you're not even concerned with harassment or hostile work environment, are you? you just want your coworkers to think you're cute? i don't even know what to say to this.
it's not okay for them to do this in terms of respectful workplace guidelines. it's not healthy for you to need this kind of external validation. telling them not to do this because you feel left out is really needy, and i don't think it will go well for you. they shouldn't be talking about this topic at all, and not because you're feeling dissed. if you go the route of complaining and confronting, be aware that it may not turn out the way you think at all...
nta, but get some therapy to sort out your feelings.
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nta- complaining that there aren't any cute girls at work is very inappropriate and insensitive. i'd highly recommend addressing it with them first but you are within your rights to report them to hr
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nta. they’re creating a hostile work environment.
it makes sense that hearing this over and over would affect your confidence, but the bigger issue is that they’re not treating women like people.
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nta, even my dearly departed grandmother would have bristled at that, and given them a "what am i, chopped liver?" -type response.
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[removed]
|
esh,
they suck for treating the workplace like it should be serving them up eye candy and dating candidates. pretty sure they would create a culture of harassment if they felt like it.
you suck for wanting personal validation in the workplace about non work stuff, like being pretty.
your objection to not being seen as a woman is focussing on not being seen as bangable, as if those two things are the same. i hope you find workmates who can honour your womanhood on the rare occasions when it needs to be honoured and still refrain from hitting on you. and i hope you can find other ways of feeling valuable than being subject to a male gaze of desire.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
ESH
| 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (26f) work in a tech company which consists mostly of men and the table i sit on, is just me and 3 men (26-31). i have a great relationship with them, and they love having me around. however, they would often complain that there aren't any cute girls at work, and they'd say that right in front of me as if i wasn't there. yesterday we found out that there are 3 new guys joining next month, and they were like 'why are there only guys joining, there is no cute girl in this department blah blah blah' i probably sound like i'm overreacting, but i feel a setback when they say such things, especially considering the fact that i do have confidence issues when it comes to talking to people, especially men. i'm definitely not a model, but i consider myself quite good-looking and have often been told so, but still hearing these things affects my confidence. wibta if i tell my co-workers to stop complaining that there aren't any cute girls at work?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (26f) work in a tech company which consists mostly of men and the table i sit on, is just me and 3 men (26-31). i have a great relationship with them, and they love having me around. however, they would often complain that there aren't any cute girls at work, and they'd say that right in front of me as if i wasn't there. yesterday we found out that there are 3 new guys joining next month, and they were like 'why are there only guys joining, there is no cute girl in this department blah blah blah' i probably sound like i'm overreacting, but i feel a setback when they say such things, especially considering the fact that i do have confidence issues when it comes to talking to people, especially men. i'm definitely not a model, but i consider myself quite good-looking and have often been told so, but still hearing these things affects my confidence. wibta if i tell my co-workers to stop complaining that there aren't any cute girls at work? [/INST] nta, just complain about the lack of cute guys at work 🤷🏼♀️ </s>
|
Aita for having a guys night for my birthday and inviting 3 girls later on
|
* repost since i posted original at a bad time
i’m 24 m and my birthday is in 2 weekends from now. i’ve been planning a big get together of all my friends. like 12 guys were going to pregame at my place and go to bars downtown. i am single, along with half of the guys in the group. i am pretty close with a couple of the girlfriends, and i like all of them except for one. that is not really relevant to the story though.
of course the girlfriends did not have an issue with these plans as we’ve had guys nights before. well, on sunday, a female friend of mine who moved away that i still remain close with told me she was going to be back in town for that weekend and asked what was going on for my birthday. i was thrilled because i haven’t seen her since summer so i invited her to the plans. she said her cousin and her friend who is visiting with her would be around that night and i had no objection. i told the guys who knew this girl and expected excitement, i got mixed results.
the ones with girlfriends said they had to tell their girlfriends, except one guy who just thought he could get away with just not mentioning it. a got a few texts today, 2 of my friends told me that their girlfriends were upset at our “guys night” with 3 girls. one girlfriend texted me saying she loved the idea of the “no girlfriends night” and said i was a dick because these girls are my friends too. i tried to explain the situation and she wouldn’t have it. the guys don’t know what to do, they are telling me to just let the girlfriends come. a reason i don’t want to is because whenever the big group is together one couple gets in a fight and things get awkward for awhile. i just want a fun birthday, also i know it’s not a good trait but some of the guys are just more fun and spontaneous (i don’t mean cheat or anything) when they aren’t with their girlfriends. the girlfriends who know this girl aren’t the biggest fans either, they have all claimed she is a flirt with their boyfriends. i don’t really see it though.
a potential solution a few single guys came up with is to walk back the invite to the pregame to my friend, and have her meet us downtown. that way “it’s a public place, girlfriends can’t be pissed if we run into them at a bar”. idk. still seems shitty.
aita for inviting these girls in the first place?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fhhxll/aita_for_having_a_guys_night_for_my_birthday_and/
|
2020-03-12 15:19:38
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yta. either it's a guy's night or it isn't. inviting some girls but excluding girlfriends is always gonna look a little suspicious, especially since several gfs take an issue with your female friend. on top of that, by inviting your female friends but not gfs implies that you don't consider any of your buddies' gfs as friends, and that's not really gonna make any of them feel good about this or feel like you respect their relationships.
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yta.
look, i'm single as well, and i plan guys nights. i have no problem with that. but, you can't have a guys night then invite a few "cool" girls, and expect people to not be upset. its kind of an all or nothing thing. once you decided a few girls were going to be included, you should have just opened it up to all the girls in your group. i have those friends who always fight too, but its not really cool to do what you did.
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if you invite the new girls but not the girlfriends, i think ywbta.
i think the best option is you invite *all* of the girls to the bar part, and make the pregame just the guys.
this seems like a tough situation and that’s a lot of people to try to make happy, i hope it works out.
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yta if you invite girls to a guys night but not the gfs.
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yta if you lie about meeting them at the bar instead of just being honest...plus the gf's aren't that dumb lmao. you guys already let them know the 3 girls would be there. it's your bday so ultimately you can do what you want it's just going to make things difficult for the friends with gfs. maybe you shouldn't have called it a guy's night out... instead just said you only wanted to spend time with very close friends or something.
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so you knowingly invited a friend who you knew many of the gfs had an issue with because she flirts with their bfs but didn’t invite the gfs for that reason? of course they’re going to be uncomfortable, because now she will probably flirt with their bfs and the gfs won’t be there and will be at home worrying about it.
also, it’s either a guys night or it isn’t. now it isn’t and now there’s just a “no gfs” rule which makes it clear that the gfs aren’t your friends and you just don’t like them and don’t want them there. unfortunately there isn’t really a way for you to remedy this but hopefully you apologize and admit to them that you handled it in an extremely selfish and wrong way and invite them.
yta
|
yta. either come clean about why you don't want some people at your party and invite who you like (your right, but also your consequences) or stick to your original excuse but then have an actual guys' night.
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yta banning women from your birthday celebration is weird enough, but then saying one bunch of women can come, but your friend's girlfriends can't is the icing on the asshole cake. did you really think this would work?
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i think by billing it as "guys night", you set yourself up to look like an ass.
really, this should have been a regular birthday party where you invited close friends and left it at that.
at this point it's probably safer to open it up to the sos as well as the female friends, or to keep it a guys night.
nah, but your choice to risk the backlash, and you'd be naive to try to sneak this through.
|
yta. unintentionally though.
i'm pretty sure that if the boyfriends were at home and the girls were having a girls night, and randomly called three guys, they wouldn't like it either.
it's not even about being possessive or insecure. when you don't know a person, you have no reason to trust them around the people you love. plus, lots of drinking means lowered inhibitions.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: * repost since i posted original at a bad time i’m 24 m and my birthday is in 2 weekends from now. i’ve been planning a big get together of all my friends. like 12 guys were going to pregame at my place and go to bars downtown. i am single, along with half of the guys in the group. i am pretty close with a couple of the girlfriends, and i like all of them except for one. that is not really relevant to the story though. of course the girlfriends did not have an issue with these plans as we’ve had guys nights before. well, on sunday, a female friend of mine who moved away that i still remain close with told me she was going to be back in town for that weekend and asked what was going on for my birthday. i was thrilled because i haven’t seen her since summer so i invited her to the plans. she said her cousin and her friend who is visiting with her would be around that night and i had no objection. i told the guys who knew this girl and expected excitement, i got mixed results. the ones with girlfriends said they had to tell their girlfriends, except one guy who just thought he could get away with just not mentioning it. a got a few texts today, 2 of my friends told me that their girlfriends were upset at our “guys night” with 3 girls. one girlfriend texted me saying she loved the idea of the “no girlfriends night” and said i was a dick because these girls are my friends too. i tried to explain the situation and she wouldn’t have it. the guys don’t know what to do, they are telling me to just let the girlfriends come. a reason i don’t want to is because whenever the big group is together one couple gets in a fight and things get awkward for awhile. i just want a fun birthday, also i know it’s not a good trait but some of the guys are just more fun and spontaneous (i don’t mean cheat or anything) when they aren’t with their girlfriends. the girlfriends who know this girl aren’t the biggest fans either, they have all claimed she is a flirt with their boyfriends. i don’t really see it though. a potential solution a few single guys came up with is to walk back the invite to the pregame to my friend, and have her meet us downtown. that way “it’s a public place, girlfriends can’t be pissed if we run into them at a bar”. idk. still seems shitty. aita for inviting these girls in the first place?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
* repost since i posted original at a bad time i’m 24 m and my birthday is in 2 weekends from now. i’ve been planning a big get together of all my friends. like 12 guys were going to pregame at my place and go to bars downtown. i am single, along with half of the guys in the group. i am pretty close with a couple of the girlfriends, and i like all of them except for one. that is not really relevant to the story though. of course the girlfriends did not have an issue with these plans as we’ve had guys nights before. well, on sunday, a female friend of mine who moved away that i still remain close with told me she was going to be back in town for that weekend and asked what was going on for my birthday. i was thrilled because i haven’t seen her since summer so i invited her to the plans. she said her cousin and her friend who is visiting with her would be around that night and i had no objection. i told the guys who knew this girl and expected excitement, i got mixed results. the ones with girlfriends said they had to tell their girlfriends, except one guy who just thought he could get away with just not mentioning it. a got a few texts today, 2 of my friends told me that their girlfriends were upset at our “guys night” with 3 girls. one girlfriend texted me saying she loved the idea of the “no girlfriends night” and said i was a dick because these girls are my friends too. i tried to explain the situation and she wouldn’t have it. the guys don’t know what to do, they are telling me to just let the girlfriends come. a reason i don’t want to is because whenever the big group is together one couple gets in a fight and things get awkward for awhile. i just want a fun birthday, also i know it’s not a good trait but some of the guys are just more fun and spontaneous (i don’t mean cheat or anything) when they aren’t with their girlfriends. the girlfriends who know this girl aren’t the biggest fans either, they have all claimed she is a flirt with their boyfriends. i don’t really see it though. a potential solution a few single guys came up with is to walk back the invite to the pregame to my friend, and have her meet us downtown. that way “it’s a public place, girlfriends can’t be pissed if we run into them at a bar”. idk. still seems shitty. aita for inviting these girls in the first place? [/INST] yta. either it's a guy's night or it isn't. inviting some girls but excluding girlfriends is always gonna look a little suspicious, especially since several gfs take an issue with your female friend. on top of that, by inviting your female friends but not gfs implies that you don't consider any of your buddies' gfs as friends, and that's not really gonna make any of them feel good about this or feel like you respect their relationships. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister she stinks
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aita for telling my sister she stinks
i am 15m and my sister is 11f.
i guess she's started puberty, because her bo has got crazy recently. like i can smell her before she walks in a room. i've heard my mum telling her to use deoderant but she says she forgets. i don't know how she can't smell herself tbh.
well we go back to school next week, and we go to the same high school (uk) and she will definitely get bullied if she doesn't sort it out. so i tried to be direct and tell her that she stinks and she needs to shower more and use deoderant, and kids at school will make fun of her. i said if she tries to walk with me stinking i'm leaving her behind.
she went crying to our mum and now i'm grounded, which is whatever cause we're in lockdown anyway, but i dunno if i went too far. it's really grim though and i think my mum should just shove her in the shower and put the deoderant on for her, for her own good.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lvp4v8/aita_for_telling_my_sister_she_stinks/
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2021-03-02 00:21:07
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nta. if she doesn’t want to be told she stinks, then she should put on deodorant. 11 is old enough to remember to put it on.
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did not realize this was going to be literal when i read the title.
i think you could've been nicer about it, but if it was that bad then yeah, nta.
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nah.
you could have found a more gentle way to put things. still nicer than what the bullies would have said/done (which is why i'm going with nah) but not ideal.
she probably couldn't smell herself... because she's around herself 24/7. the human nose does that, if you constantly in the area of an odor you just don't pick up on it anymore. not saying that's an excuse for people to smell, they should definitely follow proper hygiene practices... but she's only 11. probably old enough to know better, but definitely young enough to not realize all the consequences of not maintaining proper hygiene.
overall tho this is a sensitive situation it's better to hear about such things from family. hard to really call anyone a full blown asshole here.
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nta. better she hears it at home than from kids at school.
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nta because even though it was a bit harsh, it's better you say it than some mean kid at school. everybody has about 9 months from when they start being smelly when they don't really understand how often they have to shower now and what they have to do. it's a completely new routine for people. the only thing that made me start shaving my hairy armpits before going to the pool was my friend (harshly) making fun of me. but i'm glad she did it in the long run. also glad people bullied me into showering and told me my hair looked like yarn when i didn't shower. i wouldn't have changed my behavior if nobody had been mean.
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i think you did her a favor
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: aita for telling my sister she stinks i am 15m and my sister is 11f. i guess she's started puberty, because her bo has got crazy recently. like i can smell her before she walks in a room. i've heard my mum telling her to use deoderant but she says she forgets. i don't know how she can't smell herself tbh. well we go back to school next week, and we go to the same high school (uk) and she will definitely get bullied if she doesn't sort it out. so i tried to be direct and tell her that she stinks and she needs to shower more and use deoderant, and kids at school will make fun of her. i said if she tries to walk with me stinking i'm leaving her behind. she went crying to our mum and now i'm grounded, which is whatever cause we're in lockdown anyway, but i dunno if i went too far. it's really grim though and i think my mum should just shove her in the shower and put the deoderant on for her, for her own good.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
aita for telling my sister she stinks i am 15m and my sister is 11f. i guess she's started puberty, because her bo has got crazy recently. like i can smell her before she walks in a room. i've heard my mum telling her to use deoderant but she says she forgets. i don't know how she can't smell herself tbh. well we go back to school next week, and we go to the same high school (uk) and she will definitely get bullied if she doesn't sort it out. so i tried to be direct and tell her that she stinks and she needs to shower more and use deoderant, and kids at school will make fun of her. i said if she tries to walk with me stinking i'm leaving her behind. she went crying to our mum and now i'm grounded, which is whatever cause we're in lockdown anyway, but i dunno if i went too far. it's really grim though and i think my mum should just shove her in the shower and put the deoderant on for her, for her own good. [/INST] nta. if she doesn’t want to be told she stinks, then she should put on deodorant. 11 is old enough to remember to put it on. </s>
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AITA for telling my niece the basics of finance?
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so my (32m) sister (27f) asked to drop off her niece(8f) at my house so she can run some errands in my area and i was happy to watch her. some context to share, i don't often see my niece because i do not get along with her father (different story) so i havent seen her in over a year but even so, we never really hung out in this occasion but obviously we are still comfortable enough to be left alone. because that she never been around an active city with public trains/metro, she was curious and asked if we can take a walk around and with her mothers permission, we went out and ventured the area.
so the area we were in is pretty known for our sports team so there were plenty of people around wearing the team jerseys and other apparel. my niece said she liked the way it looked and asked if she can have some of the clothing. i didnt mind at all buying some things so i took her to a nearby store and she went a little too far grabbing 10+ things. mind you, because we are at a touristy area, prices are hiked up so incredibly so i had to stop her from there and tell her, "hold on hold on this is too many things that costs money. i cant afford this for you, sweetheart".
she was a bit confused and asked, "you dont have money, uncle?". i then tell her, "i have money but i have to save for your cousin (my son) and his mommy and my house (pretty much mortgage)". she was even more confused and asked how i can live in a house without buying it. i chuckled a bit and told her that i pay monthly and all that "adulting" things. but long story short, she kept asking more questions about finances and i mention that adults (including her parents) work all the time to have a roof over our head. i also mention doctors, car, food, and other things cost money. it's not like i went on a tangent about this subject but i did give her basic understandings what adults have to go through and i feel it's important to mention that she's the one who asked. after buying her some of the clothes, we went home as she was happily wearing her apparel. her mother came by, picked her up, thanked me for buying the clothes and left.
the next day, my sister called and yelled at me why i "told her daughter things what she shouldnt have to hear". i was really confused and asked what she meant by that. she was basically scolding me and kept saying, "kids should be kids, they dont have to hear about finances or jobs or anything! my daughter kept saying she is going to try to make money next summer so she can pay you back for the clothes you bought". i was pretty floored about sweet my niece is to do that. but i was still confused why she scolded me when she's eventually going to learn about this stuff anyways. my sister and her husband demanded i do not give her anymore "lectures" when they are the parents. i didnt think i was lecturing at all when she asked me these things. aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yk8yzc/aita_for_telling_my_niece_the_basics_of_finance/
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2022-11-02 15:57:14
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nta. she asked and you answered. this is how kids learn things. your sister’s approach is how you raise kids who are unprepared to be adults. and i find your niece’s reaction to your explanation touching!
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nta. you explained because she asked. it's important for everyone to understand these things. your niece's mom should be thanking you for giving her daughter a private tutoring session and for buying her some clothes. she's being ridiculous.
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how could you possibly be the ah? at 8, i had an allowance i could spend on the stuff my mom didn't want to buy, like some toys or stuff.
it sounds like this kid never went to a store in her life. you gave her a favor because she's really old for having no clue about what money is and how it works.
that's not really finance, it's just basic everyday stuff. it's not like you told her to invest in bitcoin and explained her stock market lol.
nta op, your sis is through.
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nta.
i had my nephew a lot over weekends when he was growing up. i *always* answered his questions, about everything. always told him child-sized versions of the truth. at least until he was 12, then i told him the whole truth. he's 32 now, and we're still close. probably because i never dismissed his questions, and he knows he can count on me to give him real answers.
answering a child's questions is important. your niece's parents should be glad you're helping.
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nta (1) niece asked. (2) it's important that kids start learning about money and finances in a healthy and reasonable way at an early age. so that they can have a healthy relationship with money.
my nieces are 7. they understand that 'things' have a financial cost. and that if they want something they have to wait for a special occasion or save up money they get for special occasions or from doing "jobs" around their home or grandma's house.
for example, my mom will pay them for doing things like collecting pine cones when their school wants pine cones. 1 bag = $1. or i'll give them a gift card for holidays. it helps them learn how to handle money- even if it's just money that they spend on toys.
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nta it sounds like you gave age appropriate answers to the questions your niece asked. i doubt you guilted her into anything. it's normal for a child to want to do something kind for an adult who has been kind to her, hence the talk of repaying you. if i was her mother, i would just explain that there's no need to pay for a gift freely given and she can repay you by doing something nice for you birthday.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my (32m) sister (27f) asked to drop off her niece(8f) at my house so she can run some errands in my area and i was happy to watch her. some context to share, i don't often see my niece because i do not get along with her father (different story) so i havent seen her in over a year but even so, we never really hung out in this occasion but obviously we are still comfortable enough to be left alone. because that she never been around an active city with public trains/metro, she was curious and asked if we can take a walk around and with her mothers permission, we went out and ventured the area. so the area we were in is pretty known for our sports team so there were plenty of people around wearing the team jerseys and other apparel. my niece said she liked the way it looked and asked if she can have some of the clothing. i didnt mind at all buying some things so i took her to a nearby store and she went a little too far grabbing 10+ things. mind you, because we are at a touristy area, prices are hiked up so incredibly so i had to stop her from there and tell her, "hold on hold on this is too many things that costs money. i cant afford this for you, sweetheart". she was a bit confused and asked, "you dont have money, uncle?". i then tell her, "i have money but i have to save for your cousin (my son) and his mommy and my house (pretty much mortgage)". she was even more confused and asked how i can live in a house without buying it. i chuckled a bit and told her that i pay monthly and all that "adulting" things. but long story short, she kept asking more questions about finances and i mention that adults (including her parents) work all the time to have a roof over our head. i also mention doctors, car, food, and other things cost money. it's not like i went on a tangent about this subject but i did give her basic understandings what adults have to go through and i feel it's important to mention that she's the one who asked. after buying her some of the clothes, we went home as she was happily wearing her apparel. her mother came by, picked her up, thanked me for buying the clothes and left. the next day, my sister called and yelled at me why i "told her daughter things what she shouldnt have to hear". i was really confused and asked what she meant by that. she was basically scolding me and kept saying, "kids should be kids, they dont have to hear about finances or jobs or anything! my daughter kept saying she is going to try to make money next summer so she can pay you back for the clothes you bought". i was pretty floored about sweet my niece is to do that. but i was still confused why she scolded me when she's eventually going to learn about this stuff anyways. my sister and her husband demanded i do not give her anymore "lectures" when they are the parents. i didnt think i was lecturing at all when she asked me these things. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my (32m) sister (27f) asked to drop off her niece(8f) at my house so she can run some errands in my area and i was happy to watch her. some context to share, i don't often see my niece because i do not get along with her father (different story) so i havent seen her in over a year but even so, we never really hung out in this occasion but obviously we are still comfortable enough to be left alone. because that she never been around an active city with public trains/metro, she was curious and asked if we can take a walk around and with her mothers permission, we went out and ventured the area. so the area we were in is pretty known for our sports team so there were plenty of people around wearing the team jerseys and other apparel. my niece said she liked the way it looked and asked if she can have some of the clothing. i didnt mind at all buying some things so i took her to a nearby store and she went a little too far grabbing 10+ things. mind you, because we are at a touristy area, prices are hiked up so incredibly so i had to stop her from there and tell her, "hold on hold on this is too many things that costs money. i cant afford this for you, sweetheart". she was a bit confused and asked, "you dont have money, uncle?". i then tell her, "i have money but i have to save for your cousin (my son) and his mommy and my house (pretty much mortgage)". she was even more confused and asked how i can live in a house without buying it. i chuckled a bit and told her that i pay monthly and all that "adulting" things. but long story short, she kept asking more questions about finances and i mention that adults (including her parents) work all the time to have a roof over our head. i also mention doctors, car, food, and other things cost money. it's not like i went on a tangent about this subject but i did give her basic understandings what adults have to go through and i feel it's important to mention that she's the one who asked. after buying her some of the clothes, we went home as she was happily wearing her apparel. her mother came by, picked her up, thanked me for buying the clothes and left. the next day, my sister called and yelled at me why i "told her daughter things what she shouldnt have to hear". i was really confused and asked what she meant by that. she was basically scolding me and kept saying, "kids should be kids, they dont have to hear about finances or jobs or anything! my daughter kept saying she is going to try to make money next summer so she can pay you back for the clothes you bought". i was pretty floored about sweet my niece is to do that. but i was still confused why she scolded me when she's eventually going to learn about this stuff anyways. my sister and her husband demanded i do not give her anymore "lectures" when they are the parents. i didnt think i was lecturing at all when she asked me these things. aita? [/INST] nta. she asked and you answered. this is how kids learn things. your sister’s approach is how you raise kids who are unprepared to be adults. and i find your niece’s reaction to your explanation touching! </s>
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AITA for making my coworker delay his travel plans over my dog?
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i (f29) started my new job at the beginning of october. i have a (just under) 6 month old puppy.
at my interview before i was officially offered the job, i let my administrator know that my puppy is getting neutered on november 3rd, and asked for that day off. she said it wouldn't be an issue and made sure that it was put in the computer.
today my coworker (m mid20s) asked me if i could work for him that day. his sister is getting married out of state on november 5th and he'd like an extra day to travel to her.
i said no and explained that my puppy is getting neutered, and i'd be dealing with the vet, a recovering dog, etc.
he freaked out and told me that i was being "psycho" about caring about a mutt that much.
aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yecm7p/aita_for_making_my_coworker_delay_his_travel/
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2022-10-26 23:43:57
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nta. and he called you psycho?
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nta. just as you requested the day off, he also could have requested the day off. i can almost guarantee he knew the dates for the wedding long before you knew the date of your dog's neuter.
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nta. i am sorry, but i have no empathy for someone who wouldn't respect your medical appointment for your dog. next time, if there is one, just say "no". people aren't owed an explanation for why you cannot do them a favour.
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nta. coworker should’ve been looking for coverage before now. this isn’t your problem.
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nta
why should you cover for him when he should of put in his leave months ago????
his lack of planning is not your responsibility and your boss has already ok’ed your leave so he’ll need to find someone else
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nta the boss said it would work. if he really needs that day he can find someone else to work it besides you
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nta
next time, “sorry, no, i have that day off.”
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nta. you booked the day in advance. sounds like he did not plan ahead and came to you last minute. as far as calling you a psycho, hope you reported him to hr. that was way out of line.
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nta. you have the day off and have no obligation to work for him anyway. tell your hr about him calling you psycho, that's totally hostile and uncalled for.
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nta. depending on where you live- getting an appointment for that kind of thing can be impossible. plus he should’ve been aware of his sister’s wedding plans far enough in advance to make the arrangements with work.
honestly he needs to be more of an adult about his planning.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f29) started my new job at the beginning of october. i have a (just under) 6 month old puppy. at my interview before i was officially offered the job, i let my administrator know that my puppy is getting neutered on november 3rd, and asked for that day off. she said it wouldn't be an issue and made sure that it was put in the computer. today my coworker (m mid20s) asked me if i could work for him that day. his sister is getting married out of state on november 5th and he'd like an extra day to travel to her. i said no and explained that my puppy is getting neutered, and i'd be dealing with the vet, a recovering dog, etc. he freaked out and told me that i was being "psycho" about caring about a mutt that much. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f29) started my new job at the beginning of october. i have a (just under) 6 month old puppy. at my interview before i was officially offered the job, i let my administrator know that my puppy is getting neutered on november 3rd, and asked for that day off. she said it wouldn't be an issue and made sure that it was put in the computer. today my coworker (m mid20s) asked me if i could work for him that day. his sister is getting married out of state on november 5th and he'd like an extra day to travel to her. i said no and explained that my puppy is getting neutered, and i'd be dealing with the vet, a recovering dog, etc. he freaked out and told me that i was being "psycho" about caring about a mutt that much. aita? [/INST] nta. and he called you psycho? </s>
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AITA for getting upset at my fiancé for not wanting a reception?
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some context: i (23f) am planning on marrying my fiancé (27m) hopefully in 2023 (if we’re not still in a pandemic). we both don’t want to drop the down payment of a house on a wedding cost, so we had roughly agreed about half a year ago small ceremony with a more “comfortable” reception of renting a place so family could drink, stay over, and enjoy time together instead of doing a 4 hour party with people we hardly talk to.
tonight before bed we’re talking, and i’m
planning out our small wedding favors/ideas for the wedding and i ask him exactly how many people he wants at the reception. his reply was essentially “well we’re not doing a reception”, when i brought up previous plans he said that it didn’t count as a reception and he doesn’t want to spend money on a reception when we could use it for a honeymoon.
i completely agree with that weddings are drastically overpriced, don’t get me wrong. however i do want to have a wedding with close family and a reception. i tried questioning him about why we can’t even do a small reception and he replied “you always change your mind on things, we already agreed no reception.” now i’m completely bummed out and honestly am pretty upset. i told him that we might as well just plan on a court house elopement. i don’t see a point in paying almost 3,000 (venue, photography, wardrobes) for 30 minutes when we’ll just take everything down and off, and not spend much time with family celebrating after. why even waste the money for a thirty minute thing, and if he’s so concerned about spending money for a reception, he should be happy i’m canceling the ceremony itself too.
well now he says i’m being difficult and always changing what i want. i just don’t get the point honestly of paying so much for a ceremony if we aren’t going to even be there longer than 30 minutes. now he’s talking about calling off the engagement because of me being so “difficult”. am i in the wrong here?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kydogn/aita_for_getting_upset_at_my_fiancé_for_not/
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2021-01-16 06:25:39
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nta- do you really want to marry someone who changes their mind, then claims it was you who changed your mind then claims you never wanted a reception in the first place! he is gaslighting you. on top of that emotionally blackmailing/manipulating you by claiming you are so difficult and threatening to call off the engagement.
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nta.
sounds like there's a bigger issue and he picked a fight on purpose.
if you honestly did agree to a small reception, he's gaslighting you and having a wildly oversized reaction to you wanting to have a reasonable party. calling off the engagement because he thought you didn't want a reception but it turns out you actually intended for it to be a small party instead? i call bs, there's another reason and he's trying to make up a fight to justify it. or he's incredibly immature.
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nta. so he wants your guests to come watch you get married for 30 mins and then truck it right on back home?? a reception is as much for your guests as it is for the couple- a way to thank them for being there to see you tie the knot and spend some time with them. i hope he pulls his head from his sphincter and you have a great wedding day!
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nta. i guess i’m confused. he no longer wants to do the previous plans, but he’s accusing you of changing your mind? it sounds like he changed his mind. it also sounds like he picking a pointless fight to have an excuse to call things off. cold feet perhaps?
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nta and honestly he doesn't sound like a great communicator. in the real world things are constantly in flux and renegotiated and if he can't handle having multiple conversations about something and talking things out i don't see why you're marrying him.
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nta. "he replied 'you always change your mind on things, we already agreed no reception.'" uhhh what? he tried to tell you that you both agreed on no reception? that's obviously not the case. he's ta for belittling your feelings, then acting like this was your idea? major asshole vibes
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nta - you two both agreed on a small ceremony with a comfortable reception of renting a place for the family to hang out and spend time with you two. now he’s trying to change it and is threatening to call off the engagement? he sounds like he needs to grow up. i agree with you, why spend so much money for a 30 minute long ceremony
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nta
he's looking for a fight and an excuse to break up the engagement by blaming it all on you. to him, this isn't about the reception.
your fiance threatening to call off the engagement is all the red flags you need to dump him asap before you invest more time and money into a relationship that in his mind, is already over.
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nta, and those are some concerning signs imo. he's allowed to change his mind, whatever. he doesn't get to blame you for those changes, and pick an argument over them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some context: i (23f) am planning on marrying my fiancé (27m) hopefully in 2023 (if we’re not still in a pandemic). we both don’t want to drop the down payment of a house on a wedding cost, so we had roughly agreed about half a year ago small ceremony with a more “comfortable” reception of renting a place so family could drink, stay over, and enjoy time together instead of doing a 4 hour party with people we hardly talk to. tonight before bed we’re talking, and i’m planning out our small wedding favors/ideas for the wedding and i ask him exactly how many people he wants at the reception. his reply was essentially “well we’re not doing a reception”, when i brought up previous plans he said that it didn’t count as a reception and he doesn’t want to spend money on a reception when we could use it for a honeymoon. i completely agree with that weddings are drastically overpriced, don’t get me wrong. however i do want to have a wedding with close family and a reception. i tried questioning him about why we can’t even do a small reception and he replied “you always change your mind on things, we already agreed no reception.” now i’m completely bummed out and honestly am pretty upset. i told him that we might as well just plan on a court house elopement. i don’t see a point in paying almost 3,000 (venue, photography, wardrobes) for 30 minutes when we’ll just take everything down and off, and not spend much time with family celebrating after. why even waste the money for a thirty minute thing, and if he’s so concerned about spending money for a reception, he should be happy i’m canceling the ceremony itself too. well now he says i’m being difficult and always changing what i want. i just don’t get the point honestly of paying so much for a ceremony if we aren’t going to even be there longer than 30 minutes. now he’s talking about calling off the engagement because of me being so “difficult”. am i in the wrong here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
some context: i (23f) am planning on marrying my fiancé (27m) hopefully in 2023 (if we’re not still in a pandemic). we both don’t want to drop the down payment of a house on a wedding cost, so we had roughly agreed about half a year ago small ceremony with a more “comfortable” reception of renting a place so family could drink, stay over, and enjoy time together instead of doing a 4 hour party with people we hardly talk to. tonight before bed we’re talking, and i’m planning out our small wedding favors/ideas for the wedding and i ask him exactly how many people he wants at the reception. his reply was essentially “well we’re not doing a reception”, when i brought up previous plans he said that it didn’t count as a reception and he doesn’t want to spend money on a reception when we could use it for a honeymoon. i completely agree with that weddings are drastically overpriced, don’t get me wrong. however i do want to have a wedding with close family and a reception. i tried questioning him about why we can’t even do a small reception and he replied “you always change your mind on things, we already agreed no reception.” now i’m completely bummed out and honestly am pretty upset. i told him that we might as well just plan on a court house elopement. i don’t see a point in paying almost 3,000 (venue, photography, wardrobes) for 30 minutes when we’ll just take everything down and off, and not spend much time with family celebrating after. why even waste the money for a thirty minute thing, and if he’s so concerned about spending money for a reception, he should be happy i’m canceling the ceremony itself too. well now he says i’m being difficult and always changing what i want. i just don’t get the point honestly of paying so much for a ceremony if we aren’t going to even be there longer than 30 minutes. now he’s talking about calling off the engagement because of me being so “difficult”. am i in the wrong here? [/INST] nta- do you really want to marry someone who changes their mind, then claims it was you who changed your mind then claims you never wanted a reception in the first place! he is gaslighting you. on top of that emotionally blackmailing/manipulating you by claiming you are so difficult and threatening to call off the engagement. </s>
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AITA for telling a depressed friend off?
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so this happened about a year ago and i came to peace with it but it came up again after i was confronted for my behaviour then.
so i (f,19) was really good friends with this person (f,19), lets call her "j".
when the pandemic hit she broke her leg and was basically bound to stay home. i was on vacation at the time to which my boyfriend couldn't join.i thought it would be a good idea for them to exchange nubers to meet up. they both were very fond of this idea and met up. everything went well and i hoped that my boyfriend had the chance to make a friend since he had then just recently moved continents to live with me and didn't know many people.
the first incident was that she refused to talk about my problems because it would trigger her even though i was always there to listen to her.
after i confronted her she ghosted me for a while. i asked her why she refuses to talk to me and i always had to reach out to her instead, yet she still happily texts my bf and she told me word for word "because he makes me feel good.".
i was shocked. i immediatly showed my boyfriend and he was disgusted. he understood my suspicions of cheating after what she said and showed me all the chats they had. we both blocked her.
now about a month after that i reached out to her and said that i would like to try and build a friendship again since i really loved her as a friend. she then hits me with this "i will not apologize for anything because i have depression." once again i was baffled and here is where i might be the asshole. i then blew up on her and told her that her being a bitch cannot be excused by depression and that she has ignored several friends (it wasn't just me she ghosted) for a man that is in a relationship. she was obviously hurt and called me an unsensitive bitch for not understanding her depression.
we had each other blocked since then but like a week ago another friend from that team reached out to me, telling me that i didn't help js depression by having petty fights and not understandind her depression etc.
now i wonder if i did blow things out of proportions and should apologize to her.
aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nhof26/aita_for_telling_a_depressed_friend_off/
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2021-05-21 09:30:44
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nta, you are totally right even till today. depression doesn’t excuse you for such behavior, it’s not depression she has but jealousy i dare say. fair that you have people you prefer to talk to but to ghost your friend and talk to her boyfriend only and saying he made her feel good it totally sets up a lot of flags.
do yourself a favor and stay clear of her permanently.
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nta.i had the exact same thought, depression doesn't give anyone a free pass to be a jack\*ss.
looks like this friendship was only one way, and she ghosted you the moment you called out her bs behavior as you were no longer useful.
edit to add: and the thing about your bf is just disgusting. block and never look back.
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nta. the fact that she is using depression as a justification for her behavior and that she enjoys texting your boyfriend because he makes her "feel good" is very alarming. cutting contact with j would be the best thing to do.
given the circumstances, you handled this situation well.
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could you have been more compassionate? maybe. but you did reach out and you did try to give her someone to talk to. ultimately nta. it's not her fault for having depression but *is* her fault for taking it out on other people and making it their problem. being mentally ill doesn't give you a license to treat other people like shit.
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nta. depression does not give you any kind of free pass i’m sorry. i’d not put effort into pursuing a friendship with her. she seems like the type that would try to play on you and your bf’s sympathy. that’s the vibe i get from this scenario.
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nta
i've been doing the depression gig for about 9 years - i'm very bad at staying in contact with friends (the ones i have left, no-contact will lose you friends), and i have a hard time keeping my emotions in check - i'm usually about 2 unpleasant thoughts away from being very angry at all times (hulk much? lol cringe)
these are my problems, and i apologise to my friends for not contacting them like they contact me. and i apologise to my family, who sometimes have to bear the brunt of my inability to manage my emotions.
j is going to have to learn that depression is her problem - she already has/had 2 good friends that seem/ed willing to listen to her when she needed to outpour, and you can't really ask for much more than that without professional help.
> not understanding her depression
i'd be curious to know what it is that they think you don't understand. maybe you don't know what it's like to be in the midst of a heavy depressive episode (maybe you do, i don't know), but that doesn't mean you have to be a perfect reflection of what a depressed friend needs.
> he makes me feel good
j, being depressed, likely has thoughts and feelings that are unpleasant/unhealthy. sometimes, when depressed, it is much easier to have your time filled with one person than it is with a different person.
the way to communicate this is difficult, and requires a good deal of self-reflection to understand why it's easier/harder to spend time with different people.
seems very possible, nay likely, that j is enjoying the attention of a member of the opposite sex. she probably has low self-esteem and might be finding that her confidence is mildly built up by the idea that a member of the opposite sex has some interest in her (even if not romantic/sexual, it still feels good).
the difficult way to communicate this after self-reflection would be something like "i know it's ridiculous, but just talking to a member of the opposite sex makes me feel like i could be interesting to them, maybe even attractive, and interacting with only members of the same sex makes me wonder if i will only ever have platonic relationships with everyone."
it's a ridiculous thought/perspective, but it's one i've felt, even with women that i am not attracted to.
j, however, does not appear to have reflected on why she feels how she does about different people, and certainly did not consider that she needs to communicate these nuanced feelings in a way that helps people understand where she's coming from.
depression is hard, and it's great having support for it when you can get it. but it's on us depressed folk to know that you can't be a permanent font of misery, and that you need to learn to communicate your thoughts and feelings - scrambled, nonsensical and unjustified as they are - with as much diplomacy and self-awareness as you possibly can.
think i mostly talked about me there, not you or j, but either way, nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this happened about a year ago and i came to peace with it but it came up again after i was confronted for my behaviour then. so i (f,19) was really good friends with this person (f,19), lets call her "j". when the pandemic hit she broke her leg and was basically bound to stay home. i was on vacation at the time to which my boyfriend couldn't join.i thought it would be a good idea for them to exchange nubers to meet up. they both were very fond of this idea and met up. everything went well and i hoped that my boyfriend had the chance to make a friend since he had then just recently moved continents to live with me and didn't know many people. the first incident was that she refused to talk about my problems because it would trigger her even though i was always there to listen to her. after i confronted her she ghosted me for a while. i asked her why she refuses to talk to me and i always had to reach out to her instead, yet she still happily texts my bf and she told me word for word "because he makes me feel good.". i was shocked. i immediatly showed my boyfriend and he was disgusted. he understood my suspicions of cheating after what she said and showed me all the chats they had. we both blocked her. now about a month after that i reached out to her and said that i would like to try and build a friendship again since i really loved her as a friend. she then hits me with this "i will not apologize for anything because i have depression." once again i was baffled and here is where i might be the asshole. i then blew up on her and told her that her being a bitch cannot be excused by depression and that she has ignored several friends (it wasn't just me she ghosted) for a man that is in a relationship. she was obviously hurt and called me an unsensitive bitch for not understanding her depression. we had each other blocked since then but like a week ago another friend from that team reached out to me, telling me that i didn't help js depression by having petty fights and not understandind her depression etc. now i wonder if i did blow things out of proportions and should apologize to her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so this happened about a year ago and i came to peace with it but it came up again after i was confronted for my behaviour then. so i (f,19) was really good friends with this person (f,19), lets call her "j". when the pandemic hit she broke her leg and was basically bound to stay home. i was on vacation at the time to which my boyfriend couldn't join.i thought it would be a good idea for them to exchange nubers to meet up. they both were very fond of this idea and met up. everything went well and i hoped that my boyfriend had the chance to make a friend since he had then just recently moved continents to live with me and didn't know many people. the first incident was that she refused to talk about my problems because it would trigger her even though i was always there to listen to her. after i confronted her she ghosted me for a while. i asked her why she refuses to talk to me and i always had to reach out to her instead, yet she still happily texts my bf and she told me word for word "because he makes me feel good.". i was shocked. i immediatly showed my boyfriend and he was disgusted. he understood my suspicions of cheating after what she said and showed me all the chats they had. we both blocked her. now about a month after that i reached out to her and said that i would like to try and build a friendship again since i really loved her as a friend. she then hits me with this "i will not apologize for anything because i have depression." once again i was baffled and here is where i might be the asshole. i then blew up on her and told her that her being a bitch cannot be excused by depression and that she has ignored several friends (it wasn't just me she ghosted) for a man that is in a relationship. she was obviously hurt and called me an unsensitive bitch for not understanding her depression. we had each other blocked since then but like a week ago another friend from that team reached out to me, telling me that i didn't help js depression by having petty fights and not understandind her depression etc. now i wonder if i did blow things out of proportions and should apologize to her. aita? [/INST] nta, you are totally right even till today. depression doesn’t excuse you for such behavior, it’s not depression she has but jealousy i dare say. fair that you have people you prefer to talk to but to ghost your friend and talk to her boyfriend only and saying he made her feel good it totally sets up a lot of flags. do yourself a favor and stay clear of her permanently. </s>
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AITA for not making an extra stop
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was driving home with my wife and kids from the grocery store, my wife asked me to stop at 7-11. she knew that i knew, it was to get cigarettes.
some background: my wife was a long term smoker and over the last few years weaned off to only vaping. (maybe 1 here or there when company came, but didn't buy them anymore) this was for near a year she had "quit".
then pre surgery in january she went to zero nicotine vaping. forward about 3 months from surgery we had some major life changes/ stress. she broke down and bought a pack, then another. after the 2nd she said she was done, and i put a little nic back in her vape to help her wean back off.
now, back to the begining of our story, when she asked to go to 7-11 i said no. we got home i unloaded the groceries with the kids and she went to 7-11.
today she told me she was very upset about it, and that i was controlling. i argued that i didn't say she couldn't go, just that i won't go.
my stance is i don't want to enable/make it easy for her to make that decision.
her stance is i'm controlling her.
(notes: surgery was not related to smoking)
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uiebb9/aita_for_not_making_an_extra_stop/
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2022-05-04 19:21:17
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nta.
honestly in almost any other scenario you'd be ta here, but this:
>my stance is i don't want to enable/make it easy for her to make that decision.
is a glaring exception. she's trying to quit; you're not preventing her from failing at that, but you're also not making it easier for her to fail at it.
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nta. she can and did go by herself. if she wants to make the insanely selfish decision to keep smoking in front of her kids then she can drive herself there.
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nta. i wouldn't buy alcohol for a recovering alcoholic. if they want to do that, fine, but i'm not contributing to their decision.
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nta
you don’t have to support an addiction. you’re both adults, you are totally fine to say “im not comfy with that” just as much as shes allowed to buy cigarettes. you don’t have to enable it.
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nta
"controlling her" would be hiding the keys to all your vehicles and saying she couldn't go.
saying "i won't go and buy cigarettes for you" is a choice. it's not a necessity and she is able to buy them herself if she really wants them.
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nta. but i'm biased bc i hate being around people who are smoking. imo, if you don't want to enable it, you have the right not to. and since second-hand smoke is horrible for kids, you also have a vested interest in not enabling her.
she can go back to get them if she really wants to. and if she actually wants to quit, this is better for her bc she has to make a conscious choice to leave the house just for that.
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nta. i won’t buy my alcoholic mother any booze. she can do it herself
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nta. you didn't stop her from going, you simply didn't enable her. plus...less than a minute's drive? she's not being controlled, she's being petty.
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nta. you did a good job not supporting her smoking habit. and continue to do the same. you're looking out for her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: was driving home with my wife and kids from the grocery store, my wife asked me to stop at 7-11. she knew that i knew, it was to get cigarettes. some background: my wife was a long term smoker and over the last few years weaned off to only vaping. (maybe 1 here or there when company came, but didn't buy them anymore) this was for near a year she had "quit". then pre surgery in january she went to zero nicotine vaping. forward about 3 months from surgery we had some major life changes/ stress. she broke down and bought a pack, then another. after the 2nd she said she was done, and i put a little nic back in her vape to help her wean back off. now, back to the begining of our story, when she asked to go to 7-11 i said no. we got home i unloaded the groceries with the kids and she went to 7-11. today she told me she was very upset about it, and that i was controlling. i argued that i didn't say she couldn't go, just that i won't go. my stance is i don't want to enable/make it easy for her to make that decision. her stance is i'm controlling her. (notes: surgery was not related to smoking)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
was driving home with my wife and kids from the grocery store, my wife asked me to stop at 7-11. she knew that i knew, it was to get cigarettes. some background: my wife was a long term smoker and over the last few years weaned off to only vaping. (maybe 1 here or there when company came, but didn't buy them anymore) this was for near a year she had "quit". then pre surgery in january she went to zero nicotine vaping. forward about 3 months from surgery we had some major life changes/ stress. she broke down and bought a pack, then another. after the 2nd she said she was done, and i put a little nic back in her vape to help her wean back off. now, back to the begining of our story, when she asked to go to 7-11 i said no. we got home i unloaded the groceries with the kids and she went to 7-11. today she told me she was very upset about it, and that i was controlling. i argued that i didn't say she couldn't go, just that i won't go. my stance is i don't want to enable/make it easy for her to make that decision. her stance is i'm controlling her. (notes: surgery was not related to smoking) [/INST] nta. honestly in almost any other scenario you'd be ta here, but this: >my stance is i don't want to enable/make it easy for her to make that decision. is a glaring exception. she's trying to quit; you're not preventing her from failing at that, but you're also not making it easier for her to fail at it. </s>
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AITA for flat out refusing to sing?
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so i (14f) has always been super self conscious of myself because of my parents. and one thing i absolutely hate is singing in public. i have a pretty decent voice but i hate to be put in the spot light or in the center of attention. my parents know this but they won’t care. so in the temple (religious center) that my family attends every sunday, the leaders always choose people to sing the prayers. every time they’ve chosen me i’ve always declined or made an excuse to not sing. but due to current events temple is online so i don’t have an option to sing.
my parents recently informed me that i was supposed to sing the religious prayers this sunday and i absolutely refused. my parents didn’t take no for an answer and they started guilt tripping me saying shit like “if you love your mother than you will sing” and even “if you sing i will give you $60” and stuff. i still insisted on not singing and no matter how much i’ve been saying no they still won’t tell the temple people that i won’t sing. they’ve been trying to prepare me for the prayer and they’re just not caring that i won’t sing. yesterday i finally put my foot down and forcefully insisted i will not sing.
aita? now they’re mad at me
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fuwr60/aita_for_flat_out_refusing_to_sing/
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2020-04-04 16:39:03
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nta - it is your decision, even if you don’t have an excuse, you don’t need one. if you don’t want to sing, then absolutely do not sing.
what it sounds like to me is that they probably brag to other parents and people in your temple about how good you are at singing to feed their own self-worth. you refusing is making them feel embarrassed after everything they’ve said, but that is not your problem.
they should have taken you at your first answer, which was a resounding no
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nta
no means no. no means no convincing, no guilt tripping, no bribery, and no pretending it was a yes.
they shouldn’t be surprised when you say no and then put your foot down a few days later.
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nta also tell them if they keep making temple a torture experience you're going to opt out and choose not to go. the shame of having a backsliding daughter is enormous.
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you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. nta
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nta. youve said youre not comfortable doing it, and they should respect that. reach out to whoever is in charge of picking the people to sing and let them you will not be singing now or in the future.
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nta. but if you’re forced to sing, just bullshit it. screech at the top of your lungs, sing out of tune, anything and they will never ask you to sing again. petty? yes. justified? yes.
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nta. you dont have to do sing in public if it makes you uncomfortable. your parents are being ridiculous.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (14f) has always been super self conscious of myself because of my parents. and one thing i absolutely hate is singing in public. i have a pretty decent voice but i hate to be put in the spot light or in the center of attention. my parents know this but they won’t care. so in the temple (religious center) that my family attends every sunday, the leaders always choose people to sing the prayers. every time they’ve chosen me i’ve always declined or made an excuse to not sing. but due to current events temple is online so i don’t have an option to sing. my parents recently informed me that i was supposed to sing the religious prayers this sunday and i absolutely refused. my parents didn’t take no for an answer and they started guilt tripping me saying shit like “if you love your mother than you will sing” and even “if you sing i will give you $60” and stuff. i still insisted on not singing and no matter how much i’ve been saying no they still won’t tell the temple people that i won’t sing. they’ve been trying to prepare me for the prayer and they’re just not caring that i won’t sing. yesterday i finally put my foot down and forcefully insisted i will not sing. aita? now they’re mad at me
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i (14f) has always been super self conscious of myself because of my parents. and one thing i absolutely hate is singing in public. i have a pretty decent voice but i hate to be put in the spot light or in the center of attention. my parents know this but they won’t care. so in the temple (religious center) that my family attends every sunday, the leaders always choose people to sing the prayers. every time they’ve chosen me i’ve always declined or made an excuse to not sing. but due to current events temple is online so i don’t have an option to sing. my parents recently informed me that i was supposed to sing the religious prayers this sunday and i absolutely refused. my parents didn’t take no for an answer and they started guilt tripping me saying shit like “if you love your mother than you will sing” and even “if you sing i will give you $60” and stuff. i still insisted on not singing and no matter how much i’ve been saying no they still won’t tell the temple people that i won’t sing. they’ve been trying to prepare me for the prayer and they’re just not caring that i won’t sing. yesterday i finally put my foot down and forcefully insisted i will not sing. aita? now they’re mad at me [/INST] nta - it is your decision, even if you don’t have an excuse, you don’t need one. if you don’t want to sing, then absolutely do not sing. what it sounds like to me is that they probably brag to other parents and people in your temple about how good you are at singing to feed their own self-worth. you refusing is making them feel embarrassed after everything they’ve said, but that is not your problem. they should have taken you at your first answer, which was a resounding no </s>
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AITA for telling MIL that her husband's ex is more family than she will ever be?
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this is a complicated situation, so bear with me. when mil and fil were married, they had a mutual friend "adam" who gradually became much more mils friend if you know what i mean. adam proposed to "paisley" who he had a huge age gap with and she is closer to my age. mil did not take this well (her and fil were still married but that was pretty fucked up and they were both seeing other people) i became good friends with paisley, who mil began bullying. i stood up for pasiley which further destroyed my relationship with mil.
there was an incident one night when mil got drunk and cornered paisley and made her cry. i told her off and mil left crying. adam then left and the two of them disappeared for a few days right before the wedding. long story short, the wedding was called off and adam married mil instead. i kept pasiley as a friend at the peril of my relationship with mil (which sucked anyways)
recently i was out with paisley, my husband, and our son. we saw mil and adam, which is still really hard for paisley. mil came over to say hello to her son, but in my opinion she just wanted to go and be smug in front of paisley. mil has always ignored me, which i've come to accept, but as of right now when she sees us she also ignores her grandson, which really pisses me off.
she pranced over and said hi to her son and was chatting with him, but doesn't even acknowledge the baby. adam is behind her with his head down acting like an idiot because he isn't on speaking terms with any of us and i was just annoyed that she had to come over and ruin our day. i snapped at her that her husband's ex is more family to her grandson than she will ever be and she can walk away now, because we are having a family day and she isn't included.
mil was just like ok and... so i thought it was over, but when they did walk away my husband got annoyed and said i said that out of nowhere and what is wrong with me. he was really distant the rest of the day.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sx4z3b/aita_for_telling_mil_that_her_husbands_ex_is_more/
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2022-02-20 16:26:55
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esh, except your husband, paisley and your son.
mil and adam for the cheating and hurting.
and you for your out of nowhere outburst.
y'all are worst than kids.
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you’re not wrong but, esh. there was a time and place for that comment and i don’t think it was there, she wasn’t actively harassing paisley so your outburst just made you look nuts. these types of arguments should never be had in front of children either.
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nta. husband needs to have some loyalty to his family. his mother ignores his wife and kids and he thinks someone snapping at her to go away is out of line? i don't blame you for telling her to go away. he should've been the one to do it.
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yta.
so, if i understand correctly, there exists toxic relationship drama that is old, stale news ( mil, adam, paisley). within this old drama, you're a point of triangulation because you're friends with paisley. regardless of the rights and wrongs of the old drama, all parties have moved on.
mil and adam see her son and family with paisley in public and comes over to say hello. regardless of what you *think* of her behavior and motivations, what you said was aggressive, rude, and completely uncalled for.
i'm impressed with your mil for not responding accordingly.
your husband deserves an apology, and especially so does your mil.
yes, yta.
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yta
she was talking to her son and as she didn't acknowledge the baby you shouted at her she isn't family. wtf?
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she wanted to greet her son and you take offence? so you think she shouldn’t be allowed to talk to her son? you seem mentally unstable to be honest. yta
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nta
i'm going to agree that the outburst was childish, but your husband should be the one to set the boundary. if she's ignoring her grandson or only coming over to gloat, then your husband needs to be the one to stick up for his family and shut down his mom.
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i have a saying, “the one who gets angry, loses”. you got angry. you lost. your mil went there to provoke and she’s awful but you could have just ignored her. esh.
| null | null |
ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | null | 0.372498 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a complicated situation, so bear with me. when mil and fil were married, they had a mutual friend "adam" who gradually became much more mils friend if you know what i mean. adam proposed to "paisley" who he had a huge age gap with and she is closer to my age. mil did not take this well (her and fil were still married but that was pretty fucked up and they were both seeing other people) i became good friends with paisley, who mil began bullying. i stood up for pasiley which further destroyed my relationship with mil. there was an incident one night when mil got drunk and cornered paisley and made her cry. i told her off and mil left crying. adam then left and the two of them disappeared for a few days right before the wedding. long story short, the wedding was called off and adam married mil instead. i kept pasiley as a friend at the peril of my relationship with mil (which sucked anyways) recently i was out with paisley, my husband, and our son. we saw mil and adam, which is still really hard for paisley. mil came over to say hello to her son, but in my opinion she just wanted to go and be smug in front of paisley. mil has always ignored me, which i've come to accept, but as of right now when she sees us she also ignores her grandson, which really pisses me off. she pranced over and said hi to her son and was chatting with him, but doesn't even acknowledge the baby. adam is behind her with his head down acting like an idiot because he isn't on speaking terms with any of us and i was just annoyed that she had to come over and ruin our day. i snapped at her that her husband's ex is more family to her grandson than she will ever be and she can walk away now, because we are having a family day and she isn't included. mil was just like ok and... so i thought it was over, but when they did walk away my husband got annoyed and said i said that out of nowhere and what is wrong with me. he was really distant the rest of the day.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is a complicated situation, so bear with me. when mil and fil were married, they had a mutual friend "adam" who gradually became much more mils friend if you know what i mean. adam proposed to "paisley" who he had a huge age gap with and she is closer to my age. mil did not take this well (her and fil were still married but that was pretty fucked up and they were both seeing other people) i became good friends with paisley, who mil began bullying. i stood up for pasiley which further destroyed my relationship with mil. there was an incident one night when mil got drunk and cornered paisley and made her cry. i told her off and mil left crying. adam then left and the two of them disappeared for a few days right before the wedding. long story short, the wedding was called off and adam married mil instead. i kept pasiley as a friend at the peril of my relationship with mil (which sucked anyways) recently i was out with paisley, my husband, and our son. we saw mil and adam, which is still really hard for paisley. mil came over to say hello to her son, but in my opinion she just wanted to go and be smug in front of paisley. mil has always ignored me, which i've come to accept, but as of right now when she sees us she also ignores her grandson, which really pisses me off. she pranced over and said hi to her son and was chatting with him, but doesn't even acknowledge the baby. adam is behind her with his head down acting like an idiot because he isn't on speaking terms with any of us and i was just annoyed that she had to come over and ruin our day. i snapped at her that her husband's ex is more family to her grandson than she will ever be and she can walk away now, because we are having a family day and she isn't included. mil was just like ok and... so i thought it was over, but when they did walk away my husband got annoyed and said i said that out of nowhere and what is wrong with me. he was really distant the rest of the day. [/INST] esh, except your husband, paisley and your son. mil and adam for the cheating and hurting. and you for your out of nowhere outburst. y'all are worst than kids. </s>
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AITA for stopping the cheque after cleaners didn't do their job?
|
i am a bipolar woman who is emerging from a months-long depressive state. i decided to hire a cleaning company to deep-clean my home so it's back at baseline and i can maintain it from there. i was quoted $650 to deep clean my entire 1,200 sq.ft house, which i bargained down to $600.
the cleaning crew of three women showed up the following day. around 30 minutes in, the lead informed me that she couldn't do my bathrooms because there seems to be a clog. this is weird to me because i am from a culture that doesn't flush anything down the toilet- not even bath tissue. they continued cleaning the rest of the house while i tried to get a plumber. no plumber was available that morning. they said they were finished cleaning after two hours and i made my peace with it and paid them the full amount anyway assuming the clog was my fault because i didn't want any drama. when the plumber finally showed, he said the clog was due to a sanitary napkin and other bits of plastic bag that was recently flushed. i do not menstruate so i do not use those products. i have not had visitors due to the state of my home. i paid the $800+ bill (including emergency service fee) and decided i would not be using that company again.
fast forward to the following day: i notice they left the bags of trash in a corner in my living room instead of taking it out to the bin. i also noticed they didn't clean inside any of my appliances (fridge, stove, microwave, dishwasher) and under any of my furniture which could easily be accessed by a vacuum. they didn't sweep my steps and left an entire bedroom un-vacuumed. i texted the owner and told her what wasn't done and sent pictures. she said all the appliance cleaning would be extra money and that was not in my quote. according to their website all that was included in a deep clean. i also told her about the garbage left behind and she said they didn't take garbage with them. i explained that there are trash cans outside and questioned whether she did the same at all other homes. she said "sorry about that" and offered no resolution. i take a lot of abuse because i don't like drama but this seems particularly egregious to me.
am i the asshole for stopping the cheque that i paid them on to force them to come back and finish the job?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/prho4x/aita_for_stopping_the_cheque_after_cleaners_didnt/
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2021-09-19 22:09:10
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nta one of them flushed a pad down your toliet causing 800$ worth of damage! but it is possible they may try to sue if you stop payment. if that’s the case make sure you have the plumber write a statement about the damage.
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nta under these facts, but be prepared to either get a demand letter for payment or, at worst, a police officer showing up at your home to cite you for theft of services.
if i were you, i'd save any documentation relating to the clog and the photos you took, as well as the quote and info on the website, as well.
your plumber may be worth his weight in gold.
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nta they basicly are trying to scam you at this point
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as a fellow bipolar who felt this so much, nta. i’ve been taken advantage of by cleaning companies who underquote then underperform. you got the deep clean because you knew that there was plenty to be done. they didn’t do their job, stop that payment.
i’m sorry about your toilet. i wouldn’t have been able to eat that charge either. i would send that company a bill via certified mail. you know that you didn’t flush that mess and that it could have only been them. why didn’t they clean the rest of the bathroom if only the toilet was inoperable.
fuck them.
|
nta. $600 for 1200 sf deep clean is too much. and deep clean does include inside appliances. they always throw trash in trash cans outside. had multiple cleaning companies and it’s pretty stream lined. they should have come back to finish.
it does sound like they clogged your toilet. help all pictures and plumbing bill. do you have picture of plastic that was flushed?
|
nta. the cleaners caused more damage (the toilet) than you were even charged! they owe you $200!
i'm a fellow bipolar and i've been there. i was lucky enough to have a bunch of friends come over and help clean and make a party out of it.
i send you lots of positive vibes.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a bipolar woman who is emerging from a months-long depressive state. i decided to hire a cleaning company to deep-clean my home so it's back at baseline and i can maintain it from there. i was quoted $650 to deep clean my entire 1,200 sq.ft house, which i bargained down to $600. the cleaning crew of three women showed up the following day. around 30 minutes in, the lead informed me that she couldn't do my bathrooms because there seems to be a clog. this is weird to me because i am from a culture that doesn't flush anything down the toilet- not even bath tissue. they continued cleaning the rest of the house while i tried to get a plumber. no plumber was available that morning. they said they were finished cleaning after two hours and i made my peace with it and paid them the full amount anyway assuming the clog was my fault because i didn't want any drama. when the plumber finally showed, he said the clog was due to a sanitary napkin and other bits of plastic bag that was recently flushed. i do not menstruate so i do not use those products. i have not had visitors due to the state of my home. i paid the $800+ bill (including emergency service fee) and decided i would not be using that company again. fast forward to the following day: i notice they left the bags of trash in a corner in my living room instead of taking it out to the bin. i also noticed they didn't clean inside any of my appliances (fridge, stove, microwave, dishwasher) and under any of my furniture which could easily be accessed by a vacuum. they didn't sweep my steps and left an entire bedroom un-vacuumed. i texted the owner and told her what wasn't done and sent pictures. she said all the appliance cleaning would be extra money and that was not in my quote. according to their website all that was included in a deep clean. i also told her about the garbage left behind and she said they didn't take garbage with them. i explained that there are trash cans outside and questioned whether she did the same at all other homes. she said "sorry about that" and offered no resolution. i take a lot of abuse because i don't like drama but this seems particularly egregious to me. am i the asshole for stopping the cheque that i paid them on to force them to come back and finish the job?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a bipolar woman who is emerging from a months-long depressive state. i decided to hire a cleaning company to deep-clean my home so it's back at baseline and i can maintain it from there. i was quoted $650 to deep clean my entire 1,200 sq.ft house, which i bargained down to $600. the cleaning crew of three women showed up the following day. around 30 minutes in, the lead informed me that she couldn't do my bathrooms because there seems to be a clog. this is weird to me because i am from a culture that doesn't flush anything down the toilet- not even bath tissue. they continued cleaning the rest of the house while i tried to get a plumber. no plumber was available that morning. they said they were finished cleaning after two hours and i made my peace with it and paid them the full amount anyway assuming the clog was my fault because i didn't want any drama. when the plumber finally showed, he said the clog was due to a sanitary napkin and other bits of plastic bag that was recently flushed. i do not menstruate so i do not use those products. i have not had visitors due to the state of my home. i paid the $800+ bill (including emergency service fee) and decided i would not be using that company again. fast forward to the following day: i notice they left the bags of trash in a corner in my living room instead of taking it out to the bin. i also noticed they didn't clean inside any of my appliances (fridge, stove, microwave, dishwasher) and under any of my furniture which could easily be accessed by a vacuum. they didn't sweep my steps and left an entire bedroom un-vacuumed. i texted the owner and told her what wasn't done and sent pictures. she said all the appliance cleaning would be extra money and that was not in my quote. according to their website all that was included in a deep clean. i also told her about the garbage left behind and she said they didn't take garbage with them. i explained that there are trash cans outside and questioned whether she did the same at all other homes. she said "sorry about that" and offered no resolution. i take a lot of abuse because i don't like drama but this seems particularly egregious to me. am i the asshole for stopping the cheque that i paid them on to force them to come back and finish the job? [/INST] nta one of them flushed a pad down your toliet causing 800$ worth of damage! but it is possible they may try to sue if you stop payment. if that’s the case make sure you have the plumber write a statement about the damage. </s>
|
AITA for telling my cousin to ask his dad for a camera for Christmas?
|
i like photography, it’s a hobby i’ve had since i was a kid and i’ve recently picked it back up in recent years. i have two cameras, a polaroid and a more expensive cannon. i got these cameras as christmas gifts (on different years) from my boyfriend. so they mean a lot to me.
the polaroid was kind of a white elephant since it’s $16 minimum for 8 shots, and there’s no guarantee the photo will turn out right. so it turned into an expensive hobby real quick. so the next year my bf bought me my more expensive cannon camera, to compensate. pictures went from $2 a shot to $.12 at walmart. the cannon is also sturdier, by comparison so in theory i could let my cousin take photos with it.
the thing is that my cousin (10m) is an absolute nightmare and if he wasn’t family i would never go near him. he breaks everything he has absolutely no concept of the word “no”. or he does and he just ignores it. his parents in their defense have tried hitting, times out, media black outs, and he’s in behavior therapy for an hour every other day. he’s smashed things in my mom’s house and my uncle would pay for it to be replaced, but when my cousin smashed my cat’s cat tree he told me he’d order it for me on amazon. then never did even when i asked about it. whenever my cousin would smash something of mom’s it’d get replaced no matter the cost, if it was mine it never would. so why would i trust their volatile child with anything i own? so i don’t.
my cousin keeps asking to take photos with my cameras and i tell him no. i tell him to ask his parents to buy him a camera for christmas then he can take all the photos he wants. i keep telling him to ask his parents to buy him one and to not bother me about mine.
my aunt doesn’t like this, she doesn’t see why i don’t just hand him my camera. i’ve even offered to sell them my polaroid for like $20 cause i never use it anymore. they said no, why don’t i just let him take photos with it instead, so i said sure just buy the film. they said no. 🙃
these people aren’t broke, they have their own (successful) business and can replace flat screen tvs at moments notice. they bought him an atv last christmas??? but my family doesn’t get why i don’t let him photos. i’m the meanie who’s selfish with her stuff. i just don’t get it.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yjlveu/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_to_ask_his_dad_for_a/
|
2022-11-01 21:25:34
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nta. why do they expect you to lend him yours when he has a history of destroying things?? definitely not being selfish, i would say hell no too lol they can go buy him his own to destroy imo.
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nta
when they ask you. hand them an itemized bill for all the stuff your cousin broke.
tell them they’re the parents. stop being cheapskates. that you don’t owe your cousin anything.
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nta at all.
no means no, period. don't give in and keep it in a safe place he can't get at, as i have a feeling if he sees it, he'll just grab and go.
since they won't listen to you, maybe have one your parents step in and back you up?
|
nta. tell these eager family member wanting to donate your things to step right up and donate their belongings to your cousin. don't accept their guilt trips. and be sure to keep your cameras locked away when cousin visits.
|
nta.
hand your aunt the list of things dudley destroyed, and tell her when those items have been replaced, you'll lend him a camera (that you'll buy cheap, second hand from the thrift store, just for him), but until you're made whole you aren't letting him touch a damned thing.
or take his favourite gaming console as collateral.
|
>his parents in their defense have tried hitting, times out, media black outs, and he’s in behavior therapy for an hour every other day.
...they've hit him multiple times by the sounds of it if you're saying "tried hitting"?
have you or any family member contacted cps (or your country's equivalent) over this?
the camera thing isn't even an issue if you're all just ignoring blatant child abuse.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i like photography, it’s a hobby i’ve had since i was a kid and i’ve recently picked it back up in recent years. i have two cameras, a polaroid and a more expensive cannon. i got these cameras as christmas gifts (on different years) from my boyfriend. so they mean a lot to me. the polaroid was kind of a white elephant since it’s $16 minimum for 8 shots, and there’s no guarantee the photo will turn out right. so it turned into an expensive hobby real quick. so the next year my bf bought me my more expensive cannon camera, to compensate. pictures went from $2 a shot to $.12 at walmart. the cannon is also sturdier, by comparison so in theory i could let my cousin take photos with it. the thing is that my cousin (10m) is an absolute nightmare and if he wasn’t family i would never go near him. he breaks everything he has absolutely no concept of the word “no”. or he does and he just ignores it. his parents in their defense have tried hitting, times out, media black outs, and he’s in behavior therapy for an hour every other day. he’s smashed things in my mom’s house and my uncle would pay for it to be replaced, but when my cousin smashed my cat’s cat tree he told me he’d order it for me on amazon. then never did even when i asked about it. whenever my cousin would smash something of mom’s it’d get replaced no matter the cost, if it was mine it never would. so why would i trust their volatile child with anything i own? so i don’t. my cousin keeps asking to take photos with my cameras and i tell him no. i tell him to ask his parents to buy him a camera for christmas then he can take all the photos he wants. i keep telling him to ask his parents to buy him one and to not bother me about mine. my aunt doesn’t like this, she doesn’t see why i don’t just hand him my camera. i’ve even offered to sell them my polaroid for like $20 cause i never use it anymore. they said no, why don’t i just let him take photos with it instead, so i said sure just buy the film. they said no. 🙃 these people aren’t broke, they have their own (successful) business and can replace flat screen tvs at moments notice. they bought him an atv last christmas??? but my family doesn’t get why i don’t let him photos. i’m the meanie who’s selfish with her stuff. i just don’t get it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i like photography, it’s a hobby i’ve had since i was a kid and i’ve recently picked it back up in recent years. i have two cameras, a polaroid and a more expensive cannon. i got these cameras as christmas gifts (on different years) from my boyfriend. so they mean a lot to me. the polaroid was kind of a white elephant since it’s $16 minimum for 8 shots, and there’s no guarantee the photo will turn out right. so it turned into an expensive hobby real quick. so the next year my bf bought me my more expensive cannon camera, to compensate. pictures went from $2 a shot to $.12 at walmart. the cannon is also sturdier, by comparison so in theory i could let my cousin take photos with it. the thing is that my cousin (10m) is an absolute nightmare and if he wasn’t family i would never go near him. he breaks everything he has absolutely no concept of the word “no”. or he does and he just ignores it. his parents in their defense have tried hitting, times out, media black outs, and he’s in behavior therapy for an hour every other day. he’s smashed things in my mom’s house and my uncle would pay for it to be replaced, but when my cousin smashed my cat’s cat tree he told me he’d order it for me on amazon. then never did even when i asked about it. whenever my cousin would smash something of mom’s it’d get replaced no matter the cost, if it was mine it never would. so why would i trust their volatile child with anything i own? so i don’t. my cousin keeps asking to take photos with my cameras and i tell him no. i tell him to ask his parents to buy him a camera for christmas then he can take all the photos he wants. i keep telling him to ask his parents to buy him one and to not bother me about mine. my aunt doesn’t like this, she doesn’t see why i don’t just hand him my camera. i’ve even offered to sell them my polaroid for like $20 cause i never use it anymore. they said no, why don’t i just let him take photos with it instead, so i said sure just buy the film. they said no. 🙃 these people aren’t broke, they have their own (successful) business and can replace flat screen tvs at moments notice. they bought him an atv last christmas??? but my family doesn’t get why i don’t let him photos. i’m the meanie who’s selfish with her stuff. i just don’t get it. [/INST] nta. why do they expect you to lend him yours when he has a history of destroying things?? definitely not being selfish, i would say hell no too lol they can go buy him his own to destroy imo. </s>
|
WIBTA for trailing junk to someone's home without their consent?
|
i gave away a couch yesterday on a "for those in need" facebook group. i posted my couch, someone said they needed one, they came and got it. it was for free and in pretty good shape. i needed to get rid of it because we got a new couch and the old one had to go.
the person rented a truck to come get it and i thought that was the end of it. until this morning when i awoke to my couch on my front lawn. i messaged her and she said it didn't fit so she was giving it back. it rained lightly and the bottom has mud all over it (i removed the legs when i gave it to her). it's garbage, now.
wibta if i trailed it back to her address tomorrow? she rented a truck to pick up and i guess brought the truck back. so she would not have an easy and/or free way to bring it back to me again. my thought process is the couch is hers and she didn't notify me she brought it back.
i have a trailer so it's no big deal for me. i know her address because we originally thought of delivery for a small amount of money but she decided to do it herself.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iun2vz/wibta_for_trailing_junk_to_someones_home_without/
|
2020-09-17 16:37:09
|
nta she took ownership of the couch and that made it hers. if it did not fit, she could have then posted it for someone else to request it. dropping it off at your location is illegal dumping. go get her!!
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nta. i'd get her banned from the group for sure, nobody should have to deal with this in the future.
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wtf are these votes? i would say nta, because once she took the couch it no longer was yours. the way she went about dumping it back off was also rude. i would try to contact her first and tell her to come get her couch, if not you would be delivering for free.
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nta. she took ownership of it then dumped her trash on your front lawn. if you had never given her a couch and she just dropped one on your lawn, there would be no contest in what people rate this. it shouldn't matter that you gave it to her. once she took it, it's her's. you now have to put time and effort and possibly money into trashing it. send it back.
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nta. and i don’t think you’d be the ah. however, as fun as that sounds to leave on her to deal with, i wouldn’t want you to open yourself up to any legal issues. you have messages that show she took possession and then dumped it back on you. take pix showing the damage to it. contact the fb group mods and let them know the situation. call your local police non-emergency number and see about giving her a headache for illegal dumping.
|
throw it in her window
also i think youd be an ah to do this like is it worth doing that for a free couch?
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i gave away a couch yesterday on a "for those in need" facebook group. i posted my couch, someone said they needed one, they came and got it. it was for free and in pretty good shape. i needed to get rid of it because we got a new couch and the old one had to go. the person rented a truck to come get it and i thought that was the end of it. until this morning when i awoke to my couch on my front lawn. i messaged her and she said it didn't fit so she was giving it back. it rained lightly and the bottom has mud all over it (i removed the legs when i gave it to her). it's garbage, now. wibta if i trailed it back to her address tomorrow? she rented a truck to pick up and i guess brought the truck back. so she would not have an easy and/or free way to bring it back to me again. my thought process is the couch is hers and she didn't notify me she brought it back. i have a trailer so it's no big deal for me. i know her address because we originally thought of delivery for a small amount of money but she decided to do it herself.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i gave away a couch yesterday on a "for those in need" facebook group. i posted my couch, someone said they needed one, they came and got it. it was for free and in pretty good shape. i needed to get rid of it because we got a new couch and the old one had to go. the person rented a truck to come get it and i thought that was the end of it. until this morning when i awoke to my couch on my front lawn. i messaged her and she said it didn't fit so she was giving it back. it rained lightly and the bottom has mud all over it (i removed the legs when i gave it to her). it's garbage, now. wibta if i trailed it back to her address tomorrow? she rented a truck to pick up and i guess brought the truck back. so she would not have an easy and/or free way to bring it back to me again. my thought process is the couch is hers and she didn't notify me she brought it back. i have a trailer so it's no big deal for me. i know her address because we originally thought of delivery for a small amount of money but she decided to do it herself. [/INST] nta she took ownership of the couch and that made it hers. if it did not fit, she could have then posted it for someone else to request it. dropping it off at your location is illegal dumping. go get her!! </s>
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AITA for hating my wife’s huge catholic family??
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i hate spending time with my in-laws and it makes my wife really mad. ami?
my wife (who isn’t catholic herself anymore) comes from an ultra-religious large catholic family. i’m currently on vacation with them and, in a word, it’s been miserable.
we don’t really do anything. to give you an example, yesterday we drove an hour one way to go to a 1.5 hour long latin mass and then spent the rest of the day grocery shopping and not doing much of anything.
even when we went to an amusement park, we rode two rides and spent the rest of the time standing around in the sun.
in the evenings, there is a mandatory rosary for everyone.
the worst of all is her mother who really doesn’t care what the group wants to do and just bosses everyone around.
this is supposed to turn into an annual vacation thing. reddit, i can’t.
i told my wife, “i don’t care if you divorce me, i’m not doing this again.”
she got really mad. and said that her parents paid a lot of money for this vacation to make it nice and that i was one of the most selfish people she knows.
so, am i the asshole?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c1s5zc/aita_for_hating_my_wifes_huge_catholic_family/
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2019-06-17 19:49:19
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yta only for going scorched earth with the divorce threat.
i would have hated that vacation. that's not even a vacation, that's forced march.
dial back the threat tone, have a real convo about it
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yta.
> i don’t care if you divorce me, i’m not doing this again.
your sentiment is valid, how you said it makes you an asshole.
you should not have jumped right to the ultimatum like a child.
you should be working to get your wife on your side, so that you guys can create a family vacation that you can both stand.
but instead, you've shut down.
you owe her an apology.
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~~nta~~ - that would be brutal. her parents shouldn't get to use the fact they are paying for things to force you to go do religious things you don't want to do. they should respect that you are not religious and let you skip those events. that would give you time to do some of your own things which might make the trip, as a whole, more bearable. if they won't agree to that, then i wouldn't go either.
changing to esh - except the wife, possibly. the parents are controlling. you were an ass to your wife.
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probably yta. you don't appear to be putting forth any effort to make it better. you're complaining about an amusement park.
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yta
but not for hating your wifes family. for saying, “i don’t care if you divorce me, i’m not doing this again.”
that's an asshole thing to say. you can hate the things the family does and still respect your wifes upbringing as well as her families time and efforts they put into the vacation.
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info - can’t tell if your problem is grocery shopping and standing in the sun or a mass and the rosary
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nta, but you (and your wife) gotta grow a set. look, next time you're with the family, ffs don't stand around in the blazing sun. grab your wife by the hand, say, ""we're going on that ride, y'all coming?" if they say no, cool. if they say yes, cool. then go on the ride.
your and your wife need to get on the same page. discuss boundaries before another vacation. don't go to church or say a rosary if you don't want to. wife needs to explain to her parents that the two of you will be doing things a bit differently. before big trips with my husband's family, we start a family-wide email, with each couple giving suggestions for things to do. not everyone has to be together all the time. in boston, hubby and i went to fenway- lifelong dream for me! everyone else stayed in the hotel and napped. totally cool. i agree to one mass with the family because my mil really enjoys it. i would not, however, drive 1.5 hrs to go to church.
if you did something like that, where everyone could actually contribute, you'd probably have a ton of things to do. i'm betting everyone is afraid of saying no to their mom...time to get over that!
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you knew what role religion played in all of their lives before you got married, yes? i assume that was in the catholic church and you had to do all the pre-wedding catholic stuff that went along with that? if the answer to all of those questions is yes, and you told your wife that "you don't care if she divorces you" then yta.
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esh. you're wrong for giving your wife an ultimatum. never threaten divorce. if you want to divorce, just do it.
you married into her family, they're your family now too. but your wife sucks for not having your back about what you do at those gatherings.
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nta
this would be unbearable for me too. maybe you could organise a vacation similar to it, but where they have to go to services and do rituals from a religion different to theirs, maybe they'd get the hint.
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.491182 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i hate spending time with my in-laws and it makes my wife really mad. ami? my wife (who isn’t catholic herself anymore) comes from an ultra-religious large catholic family. i’m currently on vacation with them and, in a word, it’s been miserable. we don’t really do anything. to give you an example, yesterday we drove an hour one way to go to a 1.5 hour long latin mass and then spent the rest of the day grocery shopping and not doing much of anything. even when we went to an amusement park, we rode two rides and spent the rest of the time standing around in the sun. in the evenings, there is a mandatory rosary for everyone. the worst of all is her mother who really doesn’t care what the group wants to do and just bosses everyone around. this is supposed to turn into an annual vacation thing. reddit, i can’t. i told my wife, “i don’t care if you divorce me, i’m not doing this again.” she got really mad. and said that her parents paid a lot of money for this vacation to make it nice and that i was one of the most selfish people she knows. so, am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i hate spending time with my in-laws and it makes my wife really mad. ami? my wife (who isn’t catholic herself anymore) comes from an ultra-religious large catholic family. i’m currently on vacation with them and, in a word, it’s been miserable. we don’t really do anything. to give you an example, yesterday we drove an hour one way to go to a 1.5 hour long latin mass and then spent the rest of the day grocery shopping and not doing much of anything. even when we went to an amusement park, we rode two rides and spent the rest of the time standing around in the sun. in the evenings, there is a mandatory rosary for everyone. the worst of all is her mother who really doesn’t care what the group wants to do and just bosses everyone around. this is supposed to turn into an annual vacation thing. reddit, i can’t. i told my wife, “i don’t care if you divorce me, i’m not doing this again.” she got really mad. and said that her parents paid a lot of money for this vacation to make it nice and that i was one of the most selfish people she knows. so, am i the asshole? [/INST] yta only for going scorched earth with the divorce threat. i would have hated that vacation. that's not even a vacation, that's forced march. dial back the threat tone, have a real convo about it </s>
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AITA for “Tearing My Family Apart”?
|
let me just dive in and say my(19f) dad’s wife is a horrible person who’s darn near ruined my life. they got married when i was 15 and it’s been downhill ever since.
examples of how terrible she is includes: she’s terrible at cleaning up after herself but dodges responsibility by saying “if you see a mess, clean it up” while also simultaneously upholding the rule “clean up after yourself”. and because she is an adult and we are the kids we couldn’t question anything. fed up with always cleaning up after her mess one day i only cleaned up dishes my brothers and i got dirty. cue her yelling at me about how i’m selfish and self centered for refusing to help around the house. (note: she loves to call me selfish and says things like “i’d love to do ___ for you but your attitude is so terrible). another example is when i, about a year later, had gotten into an argument with her about cleaning again. the argument came to a head when i said “i’ve been raised to give everyone’s certain level of respect but you don’t deserve more than that” she then yelled at me, “i’ve done more for you than your own mother”. (she hasn’t). and another was when, on the way to my birthday dinner for my 18th birthday, she made the comment “i can’t wait until you and your brother move out so it can be just me and your father”.
anyway this past july i’d gotten my hair braided and, well, it’s a very long process that can also be a bit messy. my dad said he’d clean it up but somehow that turned into me cleaning it up and so instead of vacuuming it up like my dad had intended i started sweeping it up. she loves to be passive aggressive so she says “you know what, since you don’t wanna do it right i’ll do it” i was over her and her childish attitude so i said “fine. do it”. my dad wasn’t happy about that but since the braider was still there he didn’t immediately go off on me. instead he told me to go up to my room. now...i should mention that the two love to double team, attack me. telling me how i’m childish, selfish, self centered, and all around entitled and terrible. it was so common at this point but well....this evening ended with me in the emergency room and then being put on a 51/50 (didn’t wanna get too graphic, sorry).
my moms side has been a great support system along with my brothers. i should also mention that me and my brothers have all moved out of the house because we can’t stand being there any more (because of the both of them honestly). talked to my cousin the other day and she told me that my dad and aunts feel like i’m turning my brothers against him. it’s not my intention to and i don’t think i am, honestly, but my dad is incredibly lonely now and i feel guilty. they also think i’m in the wrong because my dad has done so much for me and feel like i’m being ungrateful.
tl;dr: after years of emotional fatigue i’ve basically cut off my dad and his wife. almost his entire side of the family blames me.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ko97at/aita_for_tearing_my_family_apart/
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2021-01-01 10:30:42
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nta, your stepmother is an abusive personality and your father enables her bullshit. they didn't act when the braider was there because they knew they would look bad. your brothers dislike how they see you (and to a lesser extent them) being treated because they are intelligent individuals who understand abuse when they see it. your aunts are getting stories second hand from someone who is doing the wrong things. give their opinions all the attention they deserve, none.
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nta- you literally did it for the sake of your mental health. it got to a point where it really wasn't a choice for you anymore. you had to do it. your brothers are also making their own choices, you're not telling them what to do. you're dad is so upset? why wasn't he upset when your stepmother said
>“i can’t wait until you and your brother move out so it can be just me and your father”.
well, she got what she wanted. and since he didn't speak up, he got what he wanted too. he made his own bed, he can lie in it.
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nta
> she then yelled at me, “i’ve done more for you than your own mother”. (she hasn’t).
certainly seems to have screamed at your more than your own mother... but regardless, i wouldn't feel guilty for your dad's feelings. every not-great parent wants to treat their kids like kylo ren as an excuse for the fact that they turned everyone away from them. did he do a lot for you? sure. did he do it for you when you needed it, i.e. when his wife was harassing you? no. now he's dealing with the consequences of it and can't accept it.
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if everything is as you say then nta. let's talk about people "doing things" for others for a minute. that and other phrases like it are generally just a smokescreen. i can do tons of things for you. i could give you $10,000,000 right now, but that still wouldn't entitle me to emotionally abuse you. just because you or someone else "does things" for people doesn't make you a good person. you know what people that "do things" for you are entitled to from you? nothing. even if they are well intentioned. the polite and generally appropriate thing to do is to offer them thanks, but they are entitled to nothing.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: let me just dive in and say my(19f) dad’s wife is a horrible person who’s darn near ruined my life. they got married when i was 15 and it’s been downhill ever since. examples of how terrible she is includes: she’s terrible at cleaning up after herself but dodges responsibility by saying “if you see a mess, clean it up” while also simultaneously upholding the rule “clean up after yourself”. and because she is an adult and we are the kids we couldn’t question anything. fed up with always cleaning up after her mess one day i only cleaned up dishes my brothers and i got dirty. cue her yelling at me about how i’m selfish and self centered for refusing to help around the house. (note: she loves to call me selfish and says things like “i’d love to do ___ for you but your attitude is so terrible). another example is when i, about a year later, had gotten into an argument with her about cleaning again. the argument came to a head when i said “i’ve been raised to give everyone’s certain level of respect but you don’t deserve more than that” she then yelled at me, “i’ve done more for you than your own mother”. (she hasn’t). and another was when, on the way to my birthday dinner for my 18th birthday, she made the comment “i can’t wait until you and your brother move out so it can be just me and your father”. anyway this past july i’d gotten my hair braided and, well, it’s a very long process that can also be a bit messy. my dad said he’d clean it up but somehow that turned into me cleaning it up and so instead of vacuuming it up like my dad had intended i started sweeping it up. she loves to be passive aggressive so she says “you know what, since you don’t wanna do it right i’ll do it” i was over her and her childish attitude so i said “fine. do it”. my dad wasn’t happy about that but since the braider was still there he didn’t immediately go off on me. instead he told me to go up to my room. now...i should mention that the two love to double team, attack me. telling me how i’m childish, selfish, self centered, and all around entitled and terrible. it was so common at this point but well....this evening ended with me in the emergency room and then being put on a 51/50 (didn’t wanna get too graphic, sorry). my moms side has been a great support system along with my brothers. i should also mention that me and my brothers have all moved out of the house because we can’t stand being there any more (because of the both of them honestly). talked to my cousin the other day and she told me that my dad and aunts feel like i’m turning my brothers against him. it’s not my intention to and i don’t think i am, honestly, but my dad is incredibly lonely now and i feel guilty. they also think i’m in the wrong because my dad has done so much for me and feel like i’m being ungrateful. tl;dr: after years of emotional fatigue i’ve basically cut off my dad and his wife. almost his entire side of the family blames me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
let me just dive in and say my(19f) dad’s wife is a horrible person who’s darn near ruined my life. they got married when i was 15 and it’s been downhill ever since. examples of how terrible she is includes: she’s terrible at cleaning up after herself but dodges responsibility by saying “if you see a mess, clean it up” while also simultaneously upholding the rule “clean up after yourself”. and because she is an adult and we are the kids we couldn’t question anything. fed up with always cleaning up after her mess one day i only cleaned up dishes my brothers and i got dirty. cue her yelling at me about how i’m selfish and self centered for refusing to help around the house. (note: she loves to call me selfish and says things like “i’d love to do ___ for you but your attitude is so terrible). another example is when i, about a year later, had gotten into an argument with her about cleaning again. the argument came to a head when i said “i’ve been raised to give everyone’s certain level of respect but you don’t deserve more than that” she then yelled at me, “i’ve done more for you than your own mother”. (she hasn’t). and another was when, on the way to my birthday dinner for my 18th birthday, she made the comment “i can’t wait until you and your brother move out so it can be just me and your father”. anyway this past july i’d gotten my hair braided and, well, it’s a very long process that can also be a bit messy. my dad said he’d clean it up but somehow that turned into me cleaning it up and so instead of vacuuming it up like my dad had intended i started sweeping it up. she loves to be passive aggressive so she says “you know what, since you don’t wanna do it right i’ll do it” i was over her and her childish attitude so i said “fine. do it”. my dad wasn’t happy about that but since the braider was still there he didn’t immediately go off on me. instead he told me to go up to my room. now...i should mention that the two love to double team, attack me. telling me how i’m childish, selfish, self centered, and all around entitled and terrible. it was so common at this point but well....this evening ended with me in the emergency room and then being put on a 51/50 (didn’t wanna get too graphic, sorry). my moms side has been a great support system along with my brothers. i should also mention that me and my brothers have all moved out of the house because we can’t stand being there any more (because of the both of them honestly). talked to my cousin the other day and she told me that my dad and aunts feel like i’m turning my brothers against him. it’s not my intention to and i don’t think i am, honestly, but my dad is incredibly lonely now and i feel guilty. they also think i’m in the wrong because my dad has done so much for me and feel like i’m being ungrateful. tl;dr: after years of emotional fatigue i’ve basically cut off my dad and his wife. almost his entire side of the family blames me. [/INST] nta, your stepmother is an abusive personality and your father enables her bullshit. they didn't act when the braider was there because they knew they would look bad. your brothers dislike how they see you (and to a lesser extent them) being treated because they are intelligent individuals who understand abuse when they see it. your aunts are getting stories second hand from someone who is doing the wrong things. give their opinions all the attention they deserve, none. </s>
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AITA for dropping out of my brothers wedding?
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i’m (16f) my brother (35m) is getting married to leanna (33f) in about 3 weeks and my brother asked me if i could accompany leanna to find dresses and maybe help her out since our mom passed away and leanna’s mom isnt in her life and even though me and leanna don’t really get along, due to her past comments on my weight i agreed to go just to make me brother happy and i felt as though this could maybe bring me and leanna a little bit closer since we we needed some bonding time alone. fast forward to the day leanna picks me up and we head to the dress shop and she encourages me too go pick out a dress and i go off to find a dress in my size, after looking around a bit leanna pops up behind me and says “oh i see that this store only caters to small girls like me kind of sad because well you know you definitely don’t fit into that category”. it hit me hard and i almost started crying but i held it together and just let out a forced giggle and nod, but oh no she didn’t stop there she just kept ranting about how i will stand out from the other bridemaids due to my weight and that i should consider dropping out the wedding so i don’t embrass her in front of her family and just full on bullying me i chose to stay quiet and went home to cry. the next day i texted my brother saying that i no longer wanted to be in the wedding due to her words and he said he would talk to her about, but of course she denied everything and he begged me to still stand in the wedding since i was the only sibling he had and he really wanted me to be apart of his wedding but i refused and now leanna has also convinced him that i’m just a jealous little brat and my brother is too now ignoring me. i asked my friend about it and she agreed that i should grow some tough skin and stop being so sensitive over little things and that i should still stand in the wedding because my brother would never look at me the same if i didn’t and now im thinking i may be in wrong for taking her words to heart
aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vcj8la/aita_for_dropping_out_of_my_brothers_wedding/
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2022-06-15 01:49:25
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nta. he can’t see it now, but eventually her true colors will bleed through. i’m sorry you are going through this. you deserve better.
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nta record her the next time you're alone together so your brother knows who he is marrying.
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nta for not wanting to be in the wedding, because showing up is usually a sign that you support the couple getting married, but...
go anyway. wear something amazing. have a blast. make memories for you and your brother.
and be in **every.single.picture.she.is.in**
show up for your brother, show her that she isn't going to get her way, and show yourself that you're more than what others think of you.
hugs, hun.
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nta
this is beyond thick skin. his wife to be is a toxic bully. i wouldn’t be surprised if she’s one of those brides who made “friends” with some pretty people for pics while leaving out some actual friends.
you are not in the wrong. i’ve seen people drop out of weddings for less.
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nta. he should probably take a good look at what kind of person he is marrying. that's not ok.
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you're 16 and your brother is 35. the fact that he's marrying a 33 year old adult who bullies a teenager is reprehensible.
how pathetic that two people in their thirties find justification in denigrating someone half their age.
nta
perhaps tell leanna, "after careful consideration, i'm bowing out. you certainly don't want a jealous little brat who is so much younger than you to take attention away from you. "
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that behavior looks bad, because if your brother doesn't help you in a short time he will manipulate him more.
nta!
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nta: i'm petty so take this with a grain of salt. but please tell your brother that you will be at this wedding and his next wedding. go find a beautiful dress. i'm also a plus-size woman and let me tell you i am gorgeous. weight doesn't determine your beauty.
i don't know what the dress code of the wedding is but some of my favorite plus size brands at macy's and dillards (southern store that ships) re:
1. xscape
2. adrianna papell
3. r& m
honorable mention: fashion to figure but don't order multiple sizes because customer service is terrible
.
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nta.
she got what she wanted by bullying you behind your brother’s back. she is a rude nasty asshole. if i were you, i wouldn’t go to the wedding.
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nta. sorry for your brother marrying that absolute ah, but fuck her to the high heavens. good on you, stick to your guns and ignore her shitty comments.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m (16f) my brother (35m) is getting married to leanna (33f) in about 3 weeks and my brother asked me if i could accompany leanna to find dresses and maybe help her out since our mom passed away and leanna’s mom isnt in her life and even though me and leanna don’t really get along, due to her past comments on my weight i agreed to go just to make me brother happy and i felt as though this could maybe bring me and leanna a little bit closer since we we needed some bonding time alone. fast forward to the day leanna picks me up and we head to the dress shop and she encourages me too go pick out a dress and i go off to find a dress in my size, after looking around a bit leanna pops up behind me and says “oh i see that this store only caters to small girls like me kind of sad because well you know you definitely don’t fit into that category”. it hit me hard and i almost started crying but i held it together and just let out a forced giggle and nod, but oh no she didn’t stop there she just kept ranting about how i will stand out from the other bridemaids due to my weight and that i should consider dropping out the wedding so i don’t embrass her in front of her family and just full on bullying me i chose to stay quiet and went home to cry. the next day i texted my brother saying that i no longer wanted to be in the wedding due to her words and he said he would talk to her about, but of course she denied everything and he begged me to still stand in the wedding since i was the only sibling he had and he really wanted me to be apart of his wedding but i refused and now leanna has also convinced him that i’m just a jealous little brat and my brother is too now ignoring me. i asked my friend about it and she agreed that i should grow some tough skin and stop being so sensitive over little things and that i should still stand in the wedding because my brother would never look at me the same if i didn’t and now im thinking i may be in wrong for taking her words to heart aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m (16f) my brother (35m) is getting married to leanna (33f) in about 3 weeks and my brother asked me if i could accompany leanna to find dresses and maybe help her out since our mom passed away and leanna’s mom isnt in her life and even though me and leanna don’t really get along, due to her past comments on my weight i agreed to go just to make me brother happy and i felt as though this could maybe bring me and leanna a little bit closer since we we needed some bonding time alone. fast forward to the day leanna picks me up and we head to the dress shop and she encourages me too go pick out a dress and i go off to find a dress in my size, after looking around a bit leanna pops up behind me and says “oh i see that this store only caters to small girls like me kind of sad because well you know you definitely don’t fit into that category”. it hit me hard and i almost started crying but i held it together and just let out a forced giggle and nod, but oh no she didn’t stop there she just kept ranting about how i will stand out from the other bridemaids due to my weight and that i should consider dropping out the wedding so i don’t embrass her in front of her family and just full on bullying me i chose to stay quiet and went home to cry. the next day i texted my brother saying that i no longer wanted to be in the wedding due to her words and he said he would talk to her about, but of course she denied everything and he begged me to still stand in the wedding since i was the only sibling he had and he really wanted me to be apart of his wedding but i refused and now leanna has also convinced him that i’m just a jealous little brat and my brother is too now ignoring me. i asked my friend about it and she agreed that i should grow some tough skin and stop being so sensitive over little things and that i should still stand in the wedding because my brother would never look at me the same if i didn’t and now im thinking i may be in wrong for taking her words to heart aita? [/INST] nta. he can’t see it now, but eventually her true colors will bleed through. i’m sorry you are going through this. you deserve better. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend to stop bringing up my autism?
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hey folks - i’m rlly conflicted, and someone told me abt this sub, so here i am.
i (m20) am autistic. and i have a friend/roommate (m21), who i’ll call andy. as is this case with most friendships, andy and i sometimes argue, etc. the problem i have with andy is that he repeatedly brings up my autism, every time he’s complaining about me, or thinks i’ve done something wrong.
for example, a few weeks ago i took the last chocolate bar in the house, and andy texted his friends complaining that his “autism friend” wouldn’t stop stealing his food. he also exaggerates it. the chocolate bar incident was the first time for it to have happened, and it was in the communal cupboard (i do admit i’m at fault though). sometimes, if he wants to get out of something, he’ll text his friends saying “sorry my autism roommate is having a huge freak out and won’t let me leave.” which, again, is a lie. some of my mutual friends have mentioned these incidents to me, but not all our friends are mutual, and i don’t want them to think that abt me. in addition, andy does do it with either minorities, and often exaggerates them in a stereotypical manner.
so last night i told him that i would rather he just never talk abt my autism again. he says a lot of harmful stuff, and it makes me look bad, and he makes me sound like i use autism as a cop-out from being an adult, which isn’t true. he got really defensive over that, and called me a bitch, and that at no point did i ever deny having autism, and since it’s true, he can say it.
am i making a mountain out of a molehill? aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/js3cmg/aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop_bringing_up_my/
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2020-11-11 06:53:18
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nta. andy is a straight up douche. you didn't choose autism, but he chose to be an asshole and constantly exploit it.
friends/roommates argue all the time without stooping to that level. andy isn't your friend.
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nta. this guy isn't your friend, he's your toxic roommate. get out of the lease as soon as you can and don't look back.
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you are not the ass hole at all. nta 100%. it is not fair for him to make fun of you for something like that and use it as insults. you can't choose to not have autism, so no you did nothing wrong. he is being very rude to you for something he shouldn't be insulting you on.
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nta- if he’s changing the way others perceive you as a person through lies then you have a right to be mad. he has no right to use your autism as an excuse, and even if you did have a meltdown, you’re room mates.. he did not sign up to be your carer anyway. (extremely sorry to put it like that if it’s in any way offensive to you because it is not intended)... even with the chocolate bar.. it was in a communal cupboard, although you could have asked for clarification on whether it would be okay to eat. it would have covered you better.
this guy sounds shitty though.
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nta at all. for so many reasons. he's poking fun at it. hes pushing the narrative that your autism makes you cop out of being an adult, meanwhile he's making excuses when he wants to get out of plans? an adult can tell their friends they're tired, or they'll catch up next week. you told him you were uncomfortable with the spoke about you, and he blew you off. tge way he made you feel isn't something for him to decide. if he disagrees, he could have explained he never intended to make you feel that way. instead he got defensive. he knows he's in the wrong. honestly if i were in your position (depending on your lease and financial status) i would reconsider if this is someone who deserves es to be in your life. goodluck.
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nta, the guy is a huge asshole and is exploiting your autism as if he has any right to make fun of it or is just an outlet to let out all those toxic words.
he isn't your friend but a toxic roommate.
i have a cousin with autism and he is 21, living with a roommate and they know he is autistic but never brought it up because there is no reason too and that's not their business. just like your roommate, it isn't his business and not tell that to people.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hey folks - i’m rlly conflicted, and someone told me abt this sub, so here i am. i (m20) am autistic. and i have a friend/roommate (m21), who i’ll call andy. as is this case with most friendships, andy and i sometimes argue, etc. the problem i have with andy is that he repeatedly brings up my autism, every time he’s complaining about me, or thinks i’ve done something wrong. for example, a few weeks ago i took the last chocolate bar in the house, and andy texted his friends complaining that his “autism friend” wouldn’t stop stealing his food. he also exaggerates it. the chocolate bar incident was the first time for it to have happened, and it was in the communal cupboard (i do admit i’m at fault though). sometimes, if he wants to get out of something, he’ll text his friends saying “sorry my autism roommate is having a huge freak out and won’t let me leave.” which, again, is a lie. some of my mutual friends have mentioned these incidents to me, but not all our friends are mutual, and i don’t want them to think that abt me. in addition, andy does do it with either minorities, and often exaggerates them in a stereotypical manner. so last night i told him that i would rather he just never talk abt my autism again. he says a lot of harmful stuff, and it makes me look bad, and he makes me sound like i use autism as a cop-out from being an adult, which isn’t true. he got really defensive over that, and called me a bitch, and that at no point did i ever deny having autism, and since it’s true, he can say it. am i making a mountain out of a molehill? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hey folks - i’m rlly conflicted, and someone told me abt this sub, so here i am. i (m20) am autistic. and i have a friend/roommate (m21), who i’ll call andy. as is this case with most friendships, andy and i sometimes argue, etc. the problem i have with andy is that he repeatedly brings up my autism, every time he’s complaining about me, or thinks i’ve done something wrong. for example, a few weeks ago i took the last chocolate bar in the house, and andy texted his friends complaining that his “autism friend” wouldn’t stop stealing his food. he also exaggerates it. the chocolate bar incident was the first time for it to have happened, and it was in the communal cupboard (i do admit i’m at fault though). sometimes, if he wants to get out of something, he’ll text his friends saying “sorry my autism roommate is having a huge freak out and won’t let me leave.” which, again, is a lie. some of my mutual friends have mentioned these incidents to me, but not all our friends are mutual, and i don’t want them to think that abt me. in addition, andy does do it with either minorities, and often exaggerates them in a stereotypical manner. so last night i told him that i would rather he just never talk abt my autism again. he says a lot of harmful stuff, and it makes me look bad, and he makes me sound like i use autism as a cop-out from being an adult, which isn’t true. he got really defensive over that, and called me a bitch, and that at no point did i ever deny having autism, and since it’s true, he can say it. am i making a mountain out of a molehill? aita? [/INST] nta. andy is a straight up douche. you didn't choose autism, but he chose to be an asshole and constantly exploit it. friends/roommates argue all the time without stooping to that level. andy isn't your friend. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend something that potentially caused her more anxiety?
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as you may or may not know, instagram sends a notification every time someone “unsends” a message to someone else. my friend, who has anxiety, has a habit of sending long fragmented messages and if she doesn’t receive a response within a few minutes, she unsends every single message because of her anxiety. this means that i (and the other people she texts) also receive individual notifications for every message that has been unsent. i had a feeling that she wasn’t aware of this as i couldn’t fathom the idea that she would want to bring more attention to herself if she’s scared that she’s been ignored, so i asked her if she was aware that this happened, and now her anxiety has heightened and she’s blaming me for not letting her be ignorant since she’s now realised the hundreds of notifications people must get from her unsending messages. i didn’t want her to find out in a way that would hurt her, such as someone getting irritated by her habit, but now i’m wondering if i should’ve let her stay blissfully ignorant?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d3moa8/aita_for_telling_my_friend_something_that/
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2019-09-13 09:24:41
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nta. blissful ignorance isn't a good thing in this situation. she would have found out eventually.
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nta. you're never the asshole for being honest, especially when it's out of concern for someone else. i understand that this may have caused her more anxiety temporarily, but you have potentially saved her from some seriously awkward situations in the future.
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nta
i have anxiety and blaming it on someone else ia just such an asshole move. you were being nice by telling her, it's not your fault she reacted to it by being anxious, that was not your intention
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nta, it's better both for her and for people around her. she'll think more before sending those messages, and people will receive less notifications and be less weirded out by her. honestly such a habit can be worrisome, if a friend did this to me i would wonder if i had done something wrong to them. i also wonder if she writes these messages because she needs to tell her friends and wants advice, or if she needs to put her thoughts in writing, in which case having a diary might be better.
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nta
your friend seriously needs to get off social media.
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nta. now she knows, and can make informed choices in the future. you were nice about it and it was something she needed to find out. i get that she's upset since she's just been embarrassed but it should pass (hopefully). you were being a good friend, even when it was an awkward conversation to have.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: as you may or may not know, instagram sends a notification every time someone “unsends” a message to someone else. my friend, who has anxiety, has a habit of sending long fragmented messages and if she doesn’t receive a response within a few minutes, she unsends every single message because of her anxiety. this means that i (and the other people she texts) also receive individual notifications for every message that has been unsent. i had a feeling that she wasn’t aware of this as i couldn’t fathom the idea that she would want to bring more attention to herself if she’s scared that she’s been ignored, so i asked her if she was aware that this happened, and now her anxiety has heightened and she’s blaming me for not letting her be ignorant since she’s now realised the hundreds of notifications people must get from her unsending messages. i didn’t want her to find out in a way that would hurt her, such as someone getting irritated by her habit, but now i’m wondering if i should’ve let her stay blissfully ignorant?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
as you may or may not know, instagram sends a notification every time someone “unsends” a message to someone else. my friend, who has anxiety, has a habit of sending long fragmented messages and if she doesn’t receive a response within a few minutes, she unsends every single message because of her anxiety. this means that i (and the other people she texts) also receive individual notifications for every message that has been unsent. i had a feeling that she wasn’t aware of this as i couldn’t fathom the idea that she would want to bring more attention to herself if she’s scared that she’s been ignored, so i asked her if she was aware that this happened, and now her anxiety has heightened and she’s blaming me for not letting her be ignorant since she’s now realised the hundreds of notifications people must get from her unsending messages. i didn’t want her to find out in a way that would hurt her, such as someone getting irritated by her habit, but now i’m wondering if i should’ve let her stay blissfully ignorant? [/INST] nta. blissful ignorance isn't a good thing in this situation. she would have found out eventually. </s>
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AITA for asking my Dad to put on a sweater or a blanket instead of turning up the thermostat?
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i’m fully aware of the role reversal here.
i’m 22 and i live with my parents. i pay rent for the room, as well as half of utilities, grocery bills, and taxes. as far as i know, my parents are happy with me living with them since i help pay the bills, help maintain the house, and they get to see me all the time. i thought there was no tension there, but i suppose maybe there is.
it’s winter and it’s been getting quite cold. i noticed that the bills for oil have been skyrocketing. my parents’ house is big, has all old (20+ year old) windows, and cathedral ceilings, so it’s never been cheap, but it’s way more than anyone should expect.
over the past few weeks, i’ve also noticed that the house has been roasting. i went and looked at the thermostat those times, and it was set to 80+. my mom did not do it, so it had to have been my dad. these times the house has been hot, he’s been on the couch wearing boxer shorts and an undershirt. i feel like this is very wasteful, so i went to talk to him.
me: hey dad, i’ve been noticing you’ve been turning up the heat a lot.
dad: yeah, i’m old now, i get cold.
me: yeah, i get it, i’ve been cold too. i’ve been thinking though, maybe we could do a house policy where we could put on double socks, sweaters, and pants, and maybe try blankets, before turning up the heat. we could save some money.
dad: a house policy? i’m sorry, whose house is this? is it yours? or did i buy it?
me: i’ve been paying half of the bills and rent, i think i have some say.
dad: if you buy your own house, you’ll have a lot of say.
me: if you’d like me to move out, i will.
dad: that’s not my point. just mind your business.
i told my mom i was considering getting my own apartment, but she argued me out of it, saying my dad is old and needs help plowing the driveway (true) and it’s winter/holidays so i won’t have good luck with apartments anyway. she told me to consider my dad’s age and try to give him some slack. i told my brother, who agreed, saying that it’s my dad’s house, dad’s thermostat, dad’s rules.
now i don’t know if i was over the line. seeing the bill this month, i feel like i want to talk to him again, but is that an asshole move after this?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6m52j/aita_for_asking_my_dad_to_put_on_a_sweater_or_a/
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2019-12-05 19:26:36
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nta
you’re paying the bill aren’t you? if you pay the bill you get a say period. i’d move out tbh because that sounds ridiculous and controlling.
i’m pretty sure if they can pay the extra oil bill they can pay someone to shovel their driveway too.
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nta. it stopped being just 'his house his rules' when you started paying bills. can't have his cake and eat it too.
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nta, a dad who turns the thermostat up is no dad at all.
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nta - not just for not wanting to pay but also 80+ degrees?? i couldn’t exist comfortably in that temperature. mid-70s is considered high in my location.
i think you have to seriously reconsider moving out, and not be talked out of it if this doesn’t change. maybe you can get something close by if you still want to help with lawn/driveway plowing/etc. from your comments it sounds like it’d even be less expensive to hire someone to do those things than it would be to keep paying half that heat bill. good luck!
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nta. imo paying half of all of the bills is a little extreme considering youre 22, their child, and 1 out of 3 people living there. you pay the largest share of the bills. you should have a more significant role in the decision making. there is no reason for a thermostat to be at 80+ literally ever. lol. if i were you i would tell your parents that they need to either let you in on decision making in regards to the house (within reason of course) and turn the heat down, or start paying less money for the bills you pay the largest share of, to match the level of influence and say you have.
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nah- nothing wrong with asking, he doesn’t want to turn the heat down. maybe you could renegotiate utilities and only pay a third, as three people are using them?
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half the bills when you are 1/3 of the people? that seems odd.
is the rent, like a normal rate, or something small?
i would say y.t.a. a little, mostly because of how it was approached.
saying, "you gotta wear more socks!" is kinda ah-ish.
but something like: "hey dad, money is a little tight and the heating bill is getting kinda steep. i wouldn't might if we kept the temp a little cooler? do you have any ideas?"
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as someone who prefers the cold, i'm biased, but nta. i would die in an 80f house, and sweaters and blankets are far cheaper than the additional heating costs.
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nta. offer them a reasonable set amount instead. maybe half of what an ordinary bill would be. like fall weather.
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nta. anyone who complains about being cold without first taking steps to remedy it (wearing the right clothes, made from the right fabrics, at a minimum) is annoying. anyone who feel entitled to make others too *hot*, a much more difficult problem to fix on one's own, in order to avoid putting on a freakin' sweater or sitting under a blanket is being entitled.
talk about adding insult to injury! it's winter, dude - everyone else is dreaming of wearing weather-appropriate clothing and getting cozy under some blankets. you're ruining it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m fully aware of the role reversal here. i’m 22 and i live with my parents. i pay rent for the room, as well as half of utilities, grocery bills, and taxes. as far as i know, my parents are happy with me living with them since i help pay the bills, help maintain the house, and they get to see me all the time. i thought there was no tension there, but i suppose maybe there is. it’s winter and it’s been getting quite cold. i noticed that the bills for oil have been skyrocketing. my parents’ house is big, has all old (20+ year old) windows, and cathedral ceilings, so it’s never been cheap, but it’s way more than anyone should expect. over the past few weeks, i’ve also noticed that the house has been roasting. i went and looked at the thermostat those times, and it was set to 80+. my mom did not do it, so it had to have been my dad. these times the house has been hot, he’s been on the couch wearing boxer shorts and an undershirt. i feel like this is very wasteful, so i went to talk to him. me: hey dad, i’ve been noticing you’ve been turning up the heat a lot. dad: yeah, i’m old now, i get cold. me: yeah, i get it, i’ve been cold too. i’ve been thinking though, maybe we could do a house policy where we could put on double socks, sweaters, and pants, and maybe try blankets, before turning up the heat. we could save some money. dad: a house policy? i’m sorry, whose house is this? is it yours? or did i buy it? me: i’ve been paying half of the bills and rent, i think i have some say. dad: if you buy your own house, you’ll have a lot of say. me: if you’d like me to move out, i will. dad: that’s not my point. just mind your business. i told my mom i was considering getting my own apartment, but she argued me out of it, saying my dad is old and needs help plowing the driveway (true) and it’s winter/holidays so i won’t have good luck with apartments anyway. she told me to consider my dad’s age and try to give him some slack. i told my brother, who agreed, saying that it’s my dad’s house, dad’s thermostat, dad’s rules. now i don’t know if i was over the line. seeing the bill this month, i feel like i want to talk to him again, but is that an asshole move after this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m fully aware of the role reversal here. i’m 22 and i live with my parents. i pay rent for the room, as well as half of utilities, grocery bills, and taxes. as far as i know, my parents are happy with me living with them since i help pay the bills, help maintain the house, and they get to see me all the time. i thought there was no tension there, but i suppose maybe there is. it’s winter and it’s been getting quite cold. i noticed that the bills for oil have been skyrocketing. my parents’ house is big, has all old (20+ year old) windows, and cathedral ceilings, so it’s never been cheap, but it’s way more than anyone should expect. over the past few weeks, i’ve also noticed that the house has been roasting. i went and looked at the thermostat those times, and it was set to 80+. my mom did not do it, so it had to have been my dad. these times the house has been hot, he’s been on the couch wearing boxer shorts and an undershirt. i feel like this is very wasteful, so i went to talk to him. me: hey dad, i’ve been noticing you’ve been turning up the heat a lot. dad: yeah, i’m old now, i get cold. me: yeah, i get it, i’ve been cold too. i’ve been thinking though, maybe we could do a house policy where we could put on double socks, sweaters, and pants, and maybe try blankets, before turning up the heat. we could save some money. dad: a house policy? i’m sorry, whose house is this? is it yours? or did i buy it? me: i’ve been paying half of the bills and rent, i think i have some say. dad: if you buy your own house, you’ll have a lot of say. me: if you’d like me to move out, i will. dad: that’s not my point. just mind your business. i told my mom i was considering getting my own apartment, but she argued me out of it, saying my dad is old and needs help plowing the driveway (true) and it’s winter/holidays so i won’t have good luck with apartments anyway. she told me to consider my dad’s age and try to give him some slack. i told my brother, who agreed, saying that it’s my dad’s house, dad’s thermostat, dad’s rules. now i don’t know if i was over the line. seeing the bill this month, i feel like i want to talk to him again, but is that an asshole move after this? [/INST] nta you’re paying the bill aren’t you? if you pay the bill you get a say period. i’d move out tbh because that sounds ridiculous and controlling. i’m pretty sure if they can pay the extra oil bill they can pay someone to shovel their driveway too. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my mom’s dog in the room while I’m trying on my wedding dress?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xfxi3c/aita_for_not_wanting_my_moms_dog_in_the_room/
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2022-09-16 17:28:26
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nta
wth? nope, i would not let my dogs anywhere near such an old and important piece!! if it breaks it'll be her fault. and if she has a track record of taking the dog everywhere (you didn't specify) make your wedding petfree and clarify in the invitation that it's pet free.
oh and maybe also change into a different dress for the reception, drunk people and a delicate garment also don't mix well.
put your foot down and tell her that if she doesn't stop bringing the dog you would rather try on the dress somewhere else.
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nta. this is insane that she can't leave her dog for 10 minutes while you try it on.
is she insisting the dog comes to the wedding to?!
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how many times is the dress supposed to be fitted? it´s like a daily thing for an entire month or something? why so many fittings?
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nta but op i've got some bad news for you: it's time for you to starting putting your foot down in your life, and this wedding is as good a time to start as any. "paid for the dry cleaning" and "let me alter some sleeves" are, like, bare minimum things your mom could've done, don't feel guilt. honestly, though it might be inconvenient, please consider getting ready somewhere other than your mom's house. it sounds like your mom will still make the dog the center of attention, even on your wedding day.
\[also, can i add that your mom can shove her opinions about a reception dress? buy one and just don't tell her.\]
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta wth? nope, i would not let my dogs anywhere near such an old and important piece!! if it breaks it'll be her fault. and if she has a track record of taking the dog everywhere (you didn't specify) make your wedding petfree and clarify in the invitation that it's pet free. oh and maybe also change into a different dress for the reception, drunk people and a delicate garment also don't mix well. put your foot down and tell her that if she doesn't stop bringing the dog you would rather try on the dress somewhere else. </s>
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AITA for refusing to compensate or credit my friend in a film that’s loosely based on his childhood trauma?
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using a throwaway because it’s possible to figure out my identity if i post on my main account. (however, i am in no way famous and have yet to achieve any form of mainstream success with my work).
i recently made a low-budget indie film that is loosely inspired by some childhood trauma a friend of mine experienced. he’s confided in me slowly about these events throughout the years. i found his story to be tragic but also extremely interesting from a creative perspective. (i should note that my friend is not a writer and, as far as i know, he has little to no interest in the arts).
the film is now done, with the exception of some last minute edits that need to be made. all names of people, places, etc. have been changed. the dialogue is entirely my own, and so are nearly all of the details. still, given my source of inspiration, i asked my friend to be among the first to view the film. i kept the plot a surprise, which i admit was a precarious decision. thankfully, he loved it and provided only positive feedback after the viewing. however, a few days later—i believe, after speaking with someone about it—his attitude changed significantly.
my friend has now requested (1) some form of credit in the film’s opening lines and (2) a small percentage of the profits. (i have no idea what #2 would look like even if i agreed, since calculating profits can be an extremely complicated endeavor. there is also a significant chance that there will be no profits to distribute. however, i suppose we could come to some agreement about compensation, if i were so inclined).
i happen to have several lawyers in my family. i am confident that, based on the specific circumstances at play here, i have no legal obligation to accommodate either of my friends requests. at least for now, this is a moral issue rather than a legal one. (i am sure some could make arguments about the legalities but i am **not** looking for legal advice at this time, and i would not post in this forum for that purpose, in any case).
what i am wondering is - do i have some moral duty to oblige my friend’s requests for acknowledgement and/or money?
thank you in advance for any responses.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c7487j/aita_for_refusing_to_compensate_or_credit_my/
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2019-06-29 20:33:25
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yta. you’re lucky he wasn’t furious in the first place— you took his incredibly private disclosures and because you found it ‘creatively interesting’ you exploited him for personal gain without permission. the least you can do is credit him as he asks.
not to mention that not disclosing the plot to him and just letting him be surprised by it while watching could have been severely triggering and re-traumatizing.
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yta. loosely based probably equates to you ripped his story off and changed some things to claim it was “original”. give credit where it’s due and stop trying to stiff your friend when you stole his story.
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yta
yes you are morally obligated to give dude at least some recognition. “loosely based” still means you are taking his life story and changing it just enough that people don’t know it’s him.
that’s pretty fucked if you don’t reference that it’s based on a true story or give him a slight cut in my opinion.
he trusted you with his sad life story and you’re going to potentially profit off of it?
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yta
you're using your friend's story of abuse to further your name and pad your wallet. something you couldn't do if he hadn't told the story. yeah. cut him in.
and cut the bullshit about you not knowing how to share a portion of the profits. if it's that hard, then ask all the lawyers you're related to.
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as a filmmaker myself, you're breaking a type of "unwritten rule". it's basic etiquette and just downright basic decency to, at the very least, include him in the credits. it was his life and his story that you told. you, in some disgusting type of way, found a "creative perspective" on it and then proceeded to rip him off. not only that, but you did so without asking. you went ahead and did this thinking you were entitled to not asking permission.
then you have the audacity to pretend like you didn't? what the hell is wrong with you? i hope he outs you at whatever film festival you submit to and you get fucked over big time. no one wants to see a film made by a petty, entitled, narcissistic asshole.
yta.
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yta you're literally admitting that you want to profit off of his story. not even a story, but a traumatic one at that. what reason can you use to justify not crediting him? that's just plain hard-headed. most people with any class bend over backwards to acknowledge their muse and inspiration. you're refusing to even credit this guy? unreal to me. yta
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yta
he was your inspiration and you kind of used his trust. give him some credit. it won't cost you anything. not doing it might cost you a friendship.
if you really don't think there will be any profits just give him some token 5%.
5% of nothing would still amount to nothing. why fight it?
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i have a feeling you're not gonna really do anything even when you've been told yta. so look at this from this perspective:
do you really want this to go to arbitration, even if you feel reasonably confident you have no obligation to credit your friend? the film industry, even for (and some might say especially so) indie productions is built on reputation. do you want this controversy getting out? you will 100% be seen as petty, litigious and dishonest, and that will mar your work.
also, you may not be as legally protected as you think. your friend has a myriad of potential legal options here depending on the content of your work, ranging from privacy claims to publicity rights to defamation. your friend is presumably not a public figure, making this skewed less in your favor. you really should have protected yourself up front by speaking not only to your friend but to a lawyer versed in intellectual property rights. you should have arranged to purchase their life story rights.
apologize to your friend, credit them and get yourself and your friend representation to handle settling compensation asap.
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yta
at least give him a “special thanks” credit if this is his life.
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yta, i can hardly imagine a worse way to break a persons trust than what you have outlined here...
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: using a throwaway because it’s possible to figure out my identity if i post on my main account. (however, i am in no way famous and have yet to achieve any form of mainstream success with my work). i recently made a low-budget indie film that is loosely inspired by some childhood trauma a friend of mine experienced. he’s confided in me slowly about these events throughout the years. i found his story to be tragic but also extremely interesting from a creative perspective. (i should note that my friend is not a writer and, as far as i know, he has little to no interest in the arts). the film is now done, with the exception of some last minute edits that need to be made. all names of people, places, etc. have been changed. the dialogue is entirely my own, and so are nearly all of the details. still, given my source of inspiration, i asked my friend to be among the first to view the film. i kept the plot a surprise, which i admit was a precarious decision. thankfully, he loved it and provided only positive feedback after the viewing. however, a few days later—i believe, after speaking with someone about it—his attitude changed significantly. my friend has now requested (1) some form of credit in the film’s opening lines and (2) a small percentage of the profits. (i have no idea what #2 would look like even if i agreed, since calculating profits can be an extremely complicated endeavor. there is also a significant chance that there will be no profits to distribute. however, i suppose we could come to some agreement about compensation, if i were so inclined). i happen to have several lawyers in my family. i am confident that, based on the specific circumstances at play here, i have no legal obligation to accommodate either of my friends requests. at least for now, this is a moral issue rather than a legal one. (i am sure some could make arguments about the legalities but i am **not** looking for legal advice at this time, and i would not post in this forum for that purpose, in any case). what i am wondering is - do i have some moral duty to oblige my friend’s requests for acknowledgement and/or money? thank you in advance for any responses.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
using a throwaway because it’s possible to figure out my identity if i post on my main account. (however, i am in no way famous and have yet to achieve any form of mainstream success with my work). i recently made a low-budget indie film that is loosely inspired by some childhood trauma a friend of mine experienced. he’s confided in me slowly about these events throughout the years. i found his story to be tragic but also extremely interesting from a creative perspective. (i should note that my friend is not a writer and, as far as i know, he has little to no interest in the arts). the film is now done, with the exception of some last minute edits that need to be made. all names of people, places, etc. have been changed. the dialogue is entirely my own, and so are nearly all of the details. still, given my source of inspiration, i asked my friend to be among the first to view the film. i kept the plot a surprise, which i admit was a precarious decision. thankfully, he loved it and provided only positive feedback after the viewing. however, a few days later—i believe, after speaking with someone about it—his attitude changed significantly. my friend has now requested (1) some form of credit in the film’s opening lines and (2) a small percentage of the profits. (i have no idea what #2 would look like even if i agreed, since calculating profits can be an extremely complicated endeavor. there is also a significant chance that there will be no profits to distribute. however, i suppose we could come to some agreement about compensation, if i were so inclined). i happen to have several lawyers in my family. i am confident that, based on the specific circumstances at play here, i have no legal obligation to accommodate either of my friends requests. at least for now, this is a moral issue rather than a legal one. (i am sure some could make arguments about the legalities but i am **not** looking for legal advice at this time, and i would not post in this forum for that purpose, in any case). what i am wondering is - do i have some moral duty to oblige my friend’s requests for acknowledgement and/or money? thank you in advance for any responses. [/INST] yta. you’re lucky he wasn’t furious in the first place— you took his incredibly private disclosures and because you found it ‘creatively interesting’ you exploited him for personal gain without permission. the least you can do is credit him as he asks. not to mention that not disclosing the plot to him and just letting him be surprised by it while watching could have been severely triggering and re-traumatizing. </s>
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AITA for buying a kitten?
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my boyfriend and i are in our early 20’s and we bought our first home using my inheritance from grandparents and money gifted by his parents. it’s a small fixer upper home and we’ve just finished renovating it.
for context i am in grad school and my boyfriend earns a decent wage. my parents give me a small amount of money each month for food as i have to pay for my tuition.
we have now finished paying for home renovations and we decided we could finally afford to get ourselves a kitten (and pay the insurance, food etc).
tonight we excitedly facetimed my parents to show him to my family and they (especially my mom) shouted at us, saying we are irresponsible and the small amount of money they give us is not to be spent on a cat. they said they were disappointed that we are tying ourselves down for the next 20 years. it ended up with us both crying as it was not the reaction we expected and my sister telling them what we did was not their business to make a judgement.
my dad sent a follow up text apologising for his outburst and said it was a shock. he said he understood that we had talked about this for when we owned our own place and he was happy i was happy but was surprised there was no prior mention. my mom (who doesn’t work) said they will never give us money again as she didn’t realise they were paying for a cat (they’re not, my boyfriend is with the money he earns).
i said that i didn’t realise the allowance they gave us was conditional, and that they can either accept all 3 of us or not. we love our new little kitty and he’s already everything we’ve wanted.
aita for buying a kitten when i still receive a small amount of money from my parents?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l5092v/aita_for_buying_a_kitten/
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2021-01-25 23:11:50
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nta. your parents sound weird. it’s a cat. how much do they really think a cat can cost?
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nah- it's your home and you have the right to have a pet if you can financially support it independently but your parents have a right to refuse to give you money.
since your financial situation changed (ie repairs done) you should have told them you no longer needed their financial support.
from their point of view it looked like they were told things were tight and you needed a little help which they have been doing so and now you've gone an added more expenses.
so their initial reaction could have been we've been lied to and used. you dad apologized and said they were in shock. i think you need to be a little understanding of where they were coming from.
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esh. you can't afford groceries but you can afford a house and a cat? pets are expensive and houses moreso. i don't know why your parents would give you money tbh.
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you're thinking of it in the wrong sort of terms. kitten, house, meal money. imagine it like this.
you go out to eat at a restaurant. your parents ask if you have enough money for a meal. you say it would be tight and ask if they can spot you.
they agree. they place an order for your food. you immediately order dessert.
wait a second, your parents say. i thought you didn't have enough money for food.
well, we didn't, you say, holding your cake that they think they bought for you (because if you could not afford food, how could you afford dessert?) but we really wanted this more!
it is your money. but it comes off as disrespectful to buy luxuries when you're using your parents to subsidize your luxuries.
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almost went with e s h. should you get a cat if you can afford it? sure. was their reaction great? no.
but you’re being obtuse if you don’t understand that money is fungible or that once you no longer needed their support the right thing to do was to let them know.
to the fungibility point, even if you do use the money they give you for food, that money frees up other money that now makes a cat affordable. and if you still need their money for one or the other, then you can’t afford the cat and they are paying for it, despite what you’ve said about it coming from your boyfriend’s money. come on.
to the letting them know their support was no longer essential point, their money to you is a gift, but it was given with the understanding that it rounds out your income so that you can afford basic necessities. i suspect that they expected you to speak up when their support was no longer needed and they could then choose to keep giving you money or not. now you’ve demonstrated that you can not only afford what they were giving you money for but also can support a companion animal. from their perspective, they’re being taken advantage of. it’s similar to if i loaned you $100 to help cover your rent and before you’d paid me back you showed me a cool widget you’d bought since the loan. if someone is giving you money to help make ends meet, they’re not going to take kindly to your showing them the extras you’re buying without also taking the opportunity to say thank you for the support, it was helpful during a rough time, and now no longer needed.
yta, but redeemable based on some of your comments. but do understand it’s not about the kitten per se.
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yta because you still depend on money from your parents but apparently have money for pets? pets are expensive, i have several and i know. if you can’t afford to get by without mommy and daddies money, you can’t afford a pet
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nah. you're definitely in the right to spend your money how you want, especially since your parents didn't give any conditions at the get go. but i also don't think they're being assholes for getting upset. you said they give you monthly money for food/insurance, which leads to the assumption that you wouldn't be able to cover the costs of these essentials without the total amount of their allowance. so it sounds like they're worried that you & your bf might not have enough money left for these essentials/you'll start having to sacrifice your personal comfort for your cat. if that's not the case, it could be read that you actually have more money to spend on "non-essentials" than you had initially communicated to them. they went about it the wrong way by yelling, but it seems to me like a misunderstanding about exactly what their allowance is going towards & whether it's for survival essentials vs. extra funds to live more comfortably.
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yta. don’t *buy* a kitten but especially not when your parents still give you money. grow up first.
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info: how much is a small amount? is it helping you pay for necessities or extra meals out? and how does helping you affect your parents’ finances?
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yta for multiple reasons, one you *bought* a cat from a breeder, two you bought the cat with money your parents give you for groceries after you bought a house you evidently can’t afford (affording a house means being able to pay your bills after the purchase without help!), you’re being rude to your parents and cruel to the poor cat who is going to be up a creek when they need real vet care and it comes down to that or groceries.
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.430388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i are in our early 20’s and we bought our first home using my inheritance from grandparents and money gifted by his parents. it’s a small fixer upper home and we’ve just finished renovating it. for context i am in grad school and my boyfriend earns a decent wage. my parents give me a small amount of money each month for food as i have to pay for my tuition. we have now finished paying for home renovations and we decided we could finally afford to get ourselves a kitten (and pay the insurance, food etc). tonight we excitedly facetimed my parents to show him to my family and they (especially my mom) shouted at us, saying we are irresponsible and the small amount of money they give us is not to be spent on a cat. they said they were disappointed that we are tying ourselves down for the next 20 years. it ended up with us both crying as it was not the reaction we expected and my sister telling them what we did was not their business to make a judgement. my dad sent a follow up text apologising for his outburst and said it was a shock. he said he understood that we had talked about this for when we owned our own place and he was happy i was happy but was surprised there was no prior mention. my mom (who doesn’t work) said they will never give us money again as she didn’t realise they were paying for a cat (they’re not, my boyfriend is with the money he earns). i said that i didn’t realise the allowance they gave us was conditional, and that they can either accept all 3 of us or not. we love our new little kitty and he’s already everything we’ve wanted. aita for buying a kitten when i still receive a small amount of money from my parents?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i are in our early 20’s and we bought our first home using my inheritance from grandparents and money gifted by his parents. it’s a small fixer upper home and we’ve just finished renovating it. for context i am in grad school and my boyfriend earns a decent wage. my parents give me a small amount of money each month for food as i have to pay for my tuition. we have now finished paying for home renovations and we decided we could finally afford to get ourselves a kitten (and pay the insurance, food etc). tonight we excitedly facetimed my parents to show him to my family and they (especially my mom) shouted at us, saying we are irresponsible and the small amount of money they give us is not to be spent on a cat. they said they were disappointed that we are tying ourselves down for the next 20 years. it ended up with us both crying as it was not the reaction we expected and my sister telling them what we did was not their business to make a judgement. my dad sent a follow up text apologising for his outburst and said it was a shock. he said he understood that we had talked about this for when we owned our own place and he was happy i was happy but was surprised there was no prior mention. my mom (who doesn’t work) said they will never give us money again as she didn’t realise they were paying for a cat (they’re not, my boyfriend is with the money he earns). i said that i didn’t realise the allowance they gave us was conditional, and that they can either accept all 3 of us or not. we love our new little kitty and he’s already everything we’ve wanted. aita for buying a kitten when i still receive a small amount of money from my parents? [/INST] nta. your parents sound weird. it’s a cat. how much do they really think a cat can cost? </s>
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Aita for telling a co'worker' that no her marrying a sugar daddy is not the same as charitable giving
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i work at an animal shelter, full time actual employee. we also have full and part time volunteer positions too.
one of the volunteers is one of those people who never worked a real day in their life but still says/lies about how her family has to work like the rest of us. she's been a full time volunteer for about 2 and a half years, she's 24 and when she was 22 she married some then 28 year old tech bro that hit it big at a local software company since he had his masters degree at age 20 like she reminds everyone whenever they ask about him... and also how he works suuuper hard to support her so she can 'follow her dream of being a full time animal shelter volunteer'.
unlike most volunteers here, full or part time, she never donates money to the shelter. instead when she's asked she's all well my husband works full time to support me so i can volunteer here, and how she'd feel weird asking for more from him so she considers his working so she can have an easy life and not work to be his charity contribution for here.
i got sick of hearing her say that each time someone asked so yesterday i snapped and told her to drop the act and just admit she's a cheapskate instead of trying to act selfless and like it would be such a huge sacrifice to help the shelter out monetarily since most everyone else already does.
now i've got a meeting with my boss to talk about this all so since it looks like i may get a write up from this aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ezw5hg/aita_for_telling_a_coworker_that_no_her_marrying/
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2020-02-06 18:02:08
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yta
you sound jealous, and just because someone does well for themselves, doesn't mean they don't work hard (her husband).
also i think you're mistaken on the meaning of sugar daddy.
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yta
"charitable giving" isn't just money. it's also time. her husband, is in essence, indirectly giving your animal shelter money by supporting his wife's volunteering.
she could spend her time and husband's money any other way. she chooses to spend it by volunteering full time.
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yta. dude, seriously? if she isn't comfortable asking her husband for money he earns because she feels like it isn't fair, then who you are you to judge? she spent two years of her life volunteering full time. according to what you're saying and how you're reacting: people volunteering isn't good enough, and they should just donate instead. are people who not well off any less for volunteering instead? no. because at the end of the day, she's working there for free so the shelter doesn't have to hire and pay someone else to do it.
you deserve the write up. i get she may be annoying at time but who really knows how often that is, since you clearly have beef with her and this is only one side of the story.
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yta, and i also suspect troll.
demanding that volunteers who are already donating their time for free to also give money makes your organization as a whole an ah.
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yta. she's been volunteering full time for two years and you're going to complain she isn't doing enough? you deserve to be written up if that's how you treat volunteers. i'm going to assume you know nothing about their financial situation so thinking that she should be donating when she may not be able to isn't a nice thing to do.
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yta. no matter how condescending your colleague's attitude is, she's maintained a full time volunteer post for over 2 years. that's a big commitment so complaining that she doesn't also financially contribute is a bit rich.
other than the post title, there is nothing to suggest she's a sugar baby either, sounds like a normal marriage to me.
are you a bit jealous?
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yta.
firstly, how do you know her financial situation? maybe her husband, 'hitting it big' isn't as much as you think it is. even if they are billionaires, how people spend their money is none of your business.
secondly, she's deciding to do something valuable with her time instead of nothing. i used to volunteer at an animal shelter when i was in high school and they would constantly ask us to come, in addition to, our usual allotted time. while they definitely needed money, they needed volunteers more.
i've never in all my years of volunteering heard someone be mad for someone 'just' giving their time to help. yikes.
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yta. for one thing her husband is hardly a sugar daddy. for another, if she is already donating a huge amount of her own time i don’t think it’s particularly unreasonable that she’s not donating money on top of that. finally, you were very rude and unprofessional in your approach.
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yta
full-time, presumably reliable help for 2 years? that's a non-profit's dream. that's basically donating over $50,000 us. you are an asshole and an idiot if you don't understand how important this is for a shelter.
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> also how he works suuuper hard to support her so she can 'follow her dream of being a full time animal shelter volunteer'.
so basically he's paying full expenses for two people - i bet he is working pretty hard to do that, or at least he's working smart in the sense that he's chosen a well-paying career. i work in tech, and i can tell you that software developers can really get raked over the coals quite a bit for their money, often being expected to work 60 hours a week, or more if a deadline is looming.
now consider your own paycheck. imagine another one just like it being deposited into the general fund each week - that's kind of what her volunteer work does - if they had to hire another paid employee to do her work, they'd be spending that much more, so saving that expense each pay period does help the organization.
essentially, her husband is donating your paycheck to the shelter each pay period. sure, she may be annoying with her virtue signalling, but that doesn't negate the fact that her contribution saves the shelter having to pay someone else.
yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work at an animal shelter, full time actual employee. we also have full and part time volunteer positions too. one of the volunteers is one of those people who never worked a real day in their life but still says/lies about how her family has to work like the rest of us. she's been a full time volunteer for about 2 and a half years, she's 24 and when she was 22 she married some then 28 year old tech bro that hit it big at a local software company since he had his masters degree at age 20 like she reminds everyone whenever they ask about him... and also how he works suuuper hard to support her so she can 'follow her dream of being a full time animal shelter volunteer'. unlike most volunteers here, full or part time, she never donates money to the shelter. instead when she's asked she's all well my husband works full time to support me so i can volunteer here, and how she'd feel weird asking for more from him so she considers his working so she can have an easy life and not work to be his charity contribution for here. i got sick of hearing her say that each time someone asked so yesterday i snapped and told her to drop the act and just admit she's a cheapskate instead of trying to act selfless and like it would be such a huge sacrifice to help the shelter out monetarily since most everyone else already does. now i've got a meeting with my boss to talk about this all so since it looks like i may get a write up from this aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work at an animal shelter, full time actual employee. we also have full and part time volunteer positions too. one of the volunteers is one of those people who never worked a real day in their life but still says/lies about how her family has to work like the rest of us. she's been a full time volunteer for about 2 and a half years, she's 24 and when she was 22 she married some then 28 year old tech bro that hit it big at a local software company since he had his masters degree at age 20 like she reminds everyone whenever they ask about him... and also how he works suuuper hard to support her so she can 'follow her dream of being a full time animal shelter volunteer'. unlike most volunteers here, full or part time, she never donates money to the shelter. instead when she's asked she's all well my husband works full time to support me so i can volunteer here, and how she'd feel weird asking for more from him so she considers his working so she can have an easy life and not work to be his charity contribution for here. i got sick of hearing her say that each time someone asked so yesterday i snapped and told her to drop the act and just admit she's a cheapskate instead of trying to act selfless and like it would be such a huge sacrifice to help the shelter out monetarily since most everyone else already does. now i've got a meeting with my boss to talk about this all so since it looks like i may get a write up from this aita? [/INST] yta you sound jealous, and just because someone does well for themselves, doesn't mean they don't work hard (her husband). also i think you're mistaken on the meaning of sugar daddy. </s>
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AITA for wanting to install a fence around my home?
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hello reddit, i take a lot of pride in making my house look nice. i’m a veteran, so i enjoy using my free time to do gardening, repairs, and general cleaning, especially power-washing.
my house is located right next to a popular hang out spot for teenagers, which i completely understand, they need a place to get away from it all and relax for a bit. the only issue i have is that they cut through my side yard instead of walking around my property which leads to a lot of dead grass from the constant walking.
i understood that it was because it was a lot faster to do so, so over the course of two weeks i transformed the dead area with a nice rock design that allows everyone to walk on top of it instead of destroying the grass.
just two days after i did that it was vandalized, spray painted with designs and faces. i was upset as i had put in a lot of effort to create a solution for both sides.
but because of this i installed fences all around my property, the results aren’t great as a lot of people badmouth me when they see me outside. claiming i’m a grouchy old man who doesn’t like teens.
am i the asshole in this situation?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aylgh6/aita_for_wanting_to_install_a_fence_around_my_home/
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2019-03-08 03:15:04
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nta, not even a little bit. you were far kinder and more thoughtful than i would have been.
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nta at all, do your neighbors really not understand why you don't want people killing your lawn? it's your property, if you want to build a fence, you shouldn't need anyone's approval.
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nta. you offered and installed a solution and they shit all over it and your hard work, almost literally. if they cant respect the solution you offered, it seems reasonable to cut off their access, which wasnt owed in the first place.
you would be the asshole if you went immediately to the fence, but you didnt. if the teens wanted to keep cutting through your yard, they should have respected your property.
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nta
they shouldn’t be on your yard to begin with but you even went out of your way to accommodate them by changing your landscaping for more foot traffic. anyone who is talking shit about or to you would most definitely not want anyone walking on their grass, even if they play it off like they wouldn’t care.
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nta. you have a right to protect your property and you tried to provide a compromise. whoever vandalized it ruined this for everyone else.
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nta
built that fence.
and make those teenagers pay for it.
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nta. you tried to approach a solution and they ruined it. it’s reasonable to not want people to ruin your yard.
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nta. your home, your yard, your decision. you did way more than i would have by putting out the rock path. you tried to be cool about it and they took advantage of it and basically shit on it lol.
keep that fence up and keep on keeping on!
also, thanks for your service!
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nta i would have put up cameras and given some neighbors new insight into little johnny and his friends.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello reddit, i take a lot of pride in making my house look nice. i’m a veteran, so i enjoy using my free time to do gardening, repairs, and general cleaning, especially power-washing. my house is located right next to a popular hang out spot for teenagers, which i completely understand, they need a place to get away from it all and relax for a bit. the only issue i have is that they cut through my side yard instead of walking around my property which leads to a lot of dead grass from the constant walking. i understood that it was because it was a lot faster to do so, so over the course of two weeks i transformed the dead area with a nice rock design that allows everyone to walk on top of it instead of destroying the grass. just two days after i did that it was vandalized, spray painted with designs and faces. i was upset as i had put in a lot of effort to create a solution for both sides. but because of this i installed fences all around my property, the results aren’t great as a lot of people badmouth me when they see me outside. claiming i’m a grouchy old man who doesn’t like teens. am i the asshole in this situation?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello reddit, i take a lot of pride in making my house look nice. i’m a veteran, so i enjoy using my free time to do gardening, repairs, and general cleaning, especially power-washing. my house is located right next to a popular hang out spot for teenagers, which i completely understand, they need a place to get away from it all and relax for a bit. the only issue i have is that they cut through my side yard instead of walking around my property which leads to a lot of dead grass from the constant walking. i understood that it was because it was a lot faster to do so, so over the course of two weeks i transformed the dead area with a nice rock design that allows everyone to walk on top of it instead of destroying the grass. just two days after i did that it was vandalized, spray painted with designs and faces. i was upset as i had put in a lot of effort to create a solution for both sides. but because of this i installed fences all around my property, the results aren’t great as a lot of people badmouth me when they see me outside. claiming i’m a grouchy old man who doesn’t like teens. am i the asshole in this situation? [/INST] nta, not even a little bit. you were far kinder and more thoughtful than i would have been. </s>
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AITA For Not Giving My Mom Enough Attention At My Kids Birthday?
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my kids birthday party was yesterday. there was only 9 people in attendance including us so no covid issues.
my mom came 2 hours early. no big deal. i talked to her while i decorated and tended to the kids. my hubs left to pick up pizza.
about an hour into the party other relatives arrived and we all talked and ate while the kids played. everyone gathered round to watch gift opening and chatted. after i cleaned that mess i fixed plates of cake and ice cream and passed them out. i quickly ate mine and began cleaning that mess and gathering abandoned cups. while i did all this i talked to my mom and other guests.
after everything was done i sat with my hubs on the couch and talked. my mom was in the kitchen talking to someone else.
that night i got a text from my sister that said that unless my dad would be able to stay at the party that my mom wouldn't come to another be cause we "ignored her" which was a flat out lie. so i called my mom and said that i'm sorry she didn't get enough attention and a kids party but if she chose not to come to her grandkids parties anymore that was her decision.
my sister said i'm an ass but my hubs says i'm not. so aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k8ximh/aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_enough_attention_at_my/
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2020-12-08 04:35:27
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nta. your mom sounds like she is an attention-seeker of sorts.
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nta. maybe your mom hasn't hosted a party in awhile, but it sounds like you did exactly what any party host would do. i'd find out if there was a specific situation that made her upset (did you walk away from a conversation when a kid spilled cake or something?). if she doesn't have a specific example, i'd brush it off.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my kids birthday party was yesterday. there was only 9 people in attendance including us so no covid issues. my mom came 2 hours early. no big deal. i talked to her while i decorated and tended to the kids. my hubs left to pick up pizza. about an hour into the party other relatives arrived and we all talked and ate while the kids played. everyone gathered round to watch gift opening and chatted. after i cleaned that mess i fixed plates of cake and ice cream and passed them out. i quickly ate mine and began cleaning that mess and gathering abandoned cups. while i did all this i talked to my mom and other guests. after everything was done i sat with my hubs on the couch and talked. my mom was in the kitchen talking to someone else. that night i got a text from my sister that said that unless my dad would be able to stay at the party that my mom wouldn't come to another be cause we "ignored her" which was a flat out lie. so i called my mom and said that i'm sorry she didn't get enough attention and a kids party but if she chose not to come to her grandkids parties anymore that was her decision. my sister said i'm an ass but my hubs says i'm not. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my kids birthday party was yesterday. there was only 9 people in attendance including us so no covid issues. my mom came 2 hours early. no big deal. i talked to her while i decorated and tended to the kids. my hubs left to pick up pizza. about an hour into the party other relatives arrived and we all talked and ate while the kids played. everyone gathered round to watch gift opening and chatted. after i cleaned that mess i fixed plates of cake and ice cream and passed them out. i quickly ate mine and began cleaning that mess and gathering abandoned cups. while i did all this i talked to my mom and other guests. after everything was done i sat with my hubs on the couch and talked. my mom was in the kitchen talking to someone else. that night i got a text from my sister that said that unless my dad would be able to stay at the party that my mom wouldn't come to another be cause we "ignored her" which was a flat out lie. so i called my mom and said that i'm sorry she didn't get enough attention and a kids party but if she chose not to come to her grandkids parties anymore that was her decision. my sister said i'm an ass but my hubs says i'm not. so aita? [/INST] nta. your mom sounds like she is an attention-seeker of sorts. </s>
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AITAH For arguing with my parents that i'm(F16) not their personal babysitter when i'm at school?
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this is a throwaway because i know some of my family have reddit so i'm gonna be as basic as i can for right now.
ok so i(f16) have a few siblings and only me and the youngest brother(m17) are in highschool left. we've been half and half for covid the entire year so far, (some virtual some in person) and i've been in person while he's been virtual. while we were both in person at the beginning, i chose to stay in person because it helped more. he did virtual because he wanted to as well. but here's the issue.
while we were in person together, it was hell for me. i was suppose to watch him every chance i had. lunch, breakfast, hallways, didn't matter, i had to watch him because they were worried for him. but i don't wanna be their babysitter. i have my own life and issues and i'm scared when he comes back from virtual its gonna start up all over again. i have friends i hang out with all the time at school, i'm 2 grades below him, no lunches together, and i'm always paying attention to other things in the hallway. last time, they tried to force me to and tried to take away some freedom so i would. i stood my ground the other day about it and told them when he comes back, i will not watch him and i will be doing everything like i usually do. we went back and forth and i basically told them i'm not their babysitter, he's older then me and i shouldn't have to do so. their still sour on the topic and are still up my ass on things more then usual. aitah for standing my ground on this and telling them i'm done?
(if more context is needed, feel free to ask for more.)
info: i have no clue really why they want me to watch him. he has social anxiety but its nowhere near as bad as mine has been and i'm getting therapy for mine. he also has autism but its never been an issue at school or home. i feel like he is just favored more then me. i say that because we went to a thing for school, and we were both asked a lot of questions. i answered honestly and didn't choose them for a few things and acted like myself and they disliked it. he answered a lot with them being the answer and was perfect and they praised him and i got scolded afterwards for how i misbehaved.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qhpdrg/aitah_for_arguing_with_my_parents_that_imf16_not/
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2021-10-28 15:20:03
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nta. presuming he isn't physically or cognitively disabled in some way, a 17 year old shouldn't even need babysitting. if your parents can't trust him to do what he needs to do and stay out of trouble when he's at home without them, then they've got much bigger problems to deal with.
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info: what are you supposed to be watching out for? a certain behavior?
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nta. it's really a shame when parents force one child to build a social life for their other child. what they're doing is hurting both of you. he'll never learn how to form relationships on his own and you will forever be resentful of him because he was forced on you. i'm sorry you're going through this.
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i’m a parent i find their request that you ‘watch’ him irrational. if he has special needs, he should have an iep and the school should be watching him.
this sounds like warped version of parentification, because even the most controlling helicopter parent doesn’t get constantly monitor a kid at school.
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info: have they told you why they feel like he needs to be watched?
so far, i’d say nta because i don’t understand why a 17 year old boy needs to be supervised by his younger sister. you should be focused on schoolwork while you’re at school, not watching your brother’s every move.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
INFO
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a throwaway because i know some of my family have reddit so i'm gonna be as basic as i can for right now. ok so i(f16) have a few siblings and only me and the youngest brother(m17) are in highschool left. we've been half and half for covid the entire year so far, (some virtual some in person) and i've been in person while he's been virtual. while we were both in person at the beginning, i chose to stay in person because it helped more. he did virtual because he wanted to as well. but here's the issue. while we were in person together, it was hell for me. i was suppose to watch him every chance i had. lunch, breakfast, hallways, didn't matter, i had to watch him because they were worried for him. but i don't wanna be their babysitter. i have my own life and issues and i'm scared when he comes back from virtual its gonna start up all over again. i have friends i hang out with all the time at school, i'm 2 grades below him, no lunches together, and i'm always paying attention to other things in the hallway. last time, they tried to force me to and tried to take away some freedom so i would. i stood my ground the other day about it and told them when he comes back, i will not watch him and i will be doing everything like i usually do. we went back and forth and i basically told them i'm not their babysitter, he's older then me and i shouldn't have to do so. their still sour on the topic and are still up my ass on things more then usual. aitah for standing my ground on this and telling them i'm done? (if more context is needed, feel free to ask for more.) info: i have no clue really why they want me to watch him. he has social anxiety but its nowhere near as bad as mine has been and i'm getting therapy for mine. he also has autism but its never been an issue at school or home. i feel like he is just favored more then me. i say that because we went to a thing for school, and we were both asked a lot of questions. i answered honestly and didn't choose them for a few things and acted like myself and they disliked it. he answered a lot with them being the answer and was perfect and they praised him and i got scolded afterwards for how i misbehaved.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is a throwaway because i know some of my family have reddit so i'm gonna be as basic as i can for right now. ok so i(f16) have a few siblings and only me and the youngest brother(m17) are in highschool left. we've been half and half for covid the entire year so far, (some virtual some in person) and i've been in person while he's been virtual. while we were both in person at the beginning, i chose to stay in person because it helped more. he did virtual because he wanted to as well. but here's the issue. while we were in person together, it was hell for me. i was suppose to watch him every chance i had. lunch, breakfast, hallways, didn't matter, i had to watch him because they were worried for him. but i don't wanna be their babysitter. i have my own life and issues and i'm scared when he comes back from virtual its gonna start up all over again. i have friends i hang out with all the time at school, i'm 2 grades below him, no lunches together, and i'm always paying attention to other things in the hallway. last time, they tried to force me to and tried to take away some freedom so i would. i stood my ground the other day about it and told them when he comes back, i will not watch him and i will be doing everything like i usually do. we went back and forth and i basically told them i'm not their babysitter, he's older then me and i shouldn't have to do so. their still sour on the topic and are still up my ass on things more then usual. aitah for standing my ground on this and telling them i'm done? (if more context is needed, feel free to ask for more.) info: i have no clue really why they want me to watch him. he has social anxiety but its nowhere near as bad as mine has been and i'm getting therapy for mine. he also has autism but its never been an issue at school or home. i feel like he is just favored more then me. i say that because we went to a thing for school, and we were both asked a lot of questions. i answered honestly and didn't choose them for a few things and acted like myself and they disliked it. he answered a lot with them being the answer and was perfect and they praised him and i got scolded afterwards for how i misbehaved. [/INST] nta. presuming he isn't physically or cognitively disabled in some way, a 17 year old shouldn't even need babysitting. if your parents can't trust him to do what he needs to do and stay out of trouble when he's at home without them, then they've got much bigger problems to deal with. </s>
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AITA for arguing with my mother to respect my boundaries regarding my relationship with my brother?
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firstly, i am on mobile so sorry for formatting.
i (29f) have never had a good relationship with my older brother (33m). he never shows me any love whatsoever and has made it clear my entire life that he never wanted me. as a result of his rejection throughout my life, i've been emotionally protecting myself by rejecting him back over the past few years. we both live in our own homes, not with our parents.
my mother is in denial about the lack of relationship between us and keeps trying to force a relationship between us which neither of us want, and my only arguments with her are regarding this. i told her to drop it many times as i value my relationship with her and hate arguing, and to respect my boundaries.
i have multiple chronic health issues which require frequent medical attention. my brother never contacts me to see how i am, which hurts a lot but i've learnt to accept it somewhat. my mother and i had a nice phone call a few moments ago and she decided to tell me my brother has not been feeling great and has been to the doctor and tried guilt tripping me into contacting him. i said she never does that with him when i'm unwell and need media attention and she made excuses for him. i again reminded her to respect my boundaries and not to text me later saying what a bad person i am. she told me to "shut up" and ended the call.
am i the ah for wanting boundaries and not wanting my mother to force a relationship which neither of us want? i might be the ah for upsetting my mother, but i don't know. aita for just wanting to be respected?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o8d7ae/aita_for_arguing_with_my_mother_to_respect_my/
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2021-06-26 15:42:05
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nta. if you don’t want a relationship with your brother, she should respect it. honestly your mom’s the biggest a here because the way she treated both of you as children likely played into the current dynamics, and she needs to respect your boundaries.
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nta. in the future, if your mom starts referencing your brother in your conversation with her, stop her right away and said something like "don't go there. i don't care and don't want to hear about it." if she ignores you and continue say "well i am hanging up now. when you want to talk about something else, you know my phone number.'
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a sad situation. nta at all though.
i had exactly the same thing with my brother. after years of being ignored, i just gave up. life's too short. he has reached out to me (in a way) but i couldnt be less interested. he is the one that started this ball rolling.
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nta. family dynamics are so, so difficult, and i hear you when you say you value your relationship with your mom.
but- consider what role she has played and is still playing in enabling your brother’s treatment of you. he’s only a few years older, it’s not as though a lifetime of discord can be put on the shoulders of a small kid dealing with a young sibling. more likely based on how you’ve described this is that your mom favors and excuses him a bit, and doesn’t exactly encourage him toward the type of emotional support of others that she’s putting on you. perhaps that’s a gender thing, or just basic favoritism, but it’s indulgent of his distance and insensitivity while also dismissing your needs and boundaries. consider holding your mother accountable as well. i’m sorry this is so tough!
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nta. your mother needs to learn to accept the truth. also, the shut up at the end of the call shows she doesn't have the maturity to speak with an adult and have an adult conversation
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nta
she told you to shut up so take her word for it and stop responding to whatever she says.
a little no contact will do your mental health wonders.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: firstly, i am on mobile so sorry for formatting. i (29f) have never had a good relationship with my older brother (33m). he never shows me any love whatsoever and has made it clear my entire life that he never wanted me. as a result of his rejection throughout my life, i've been emotionally protecting myself by rejecting him back over the past few years. we both live in our own homes, not with our parents. my mother is in denial about the lack of relationship between us and keeps trying to force a relationship between us which neither of us want, and my only arguments with her are regarding this. i told her to drop it many times as i value my relationship with her and hate arguing, and to respect my boundaries. i have multiple chronic health issues which require frequent medical attention. my brother never contacts me to see how i am, which hurts a lot but i've learnt to accept it somewhat. my mother and i had a nice phone call a few moments ago and she decided to tell me my brother has not been feeling great and has been to the doctor and tried guilt tripping me into contacting him. i said she never does that with him when i'm unwell and need media attention and she made excuses for him. i again reminded her to respect my boundaries and not to text me later saying what a bad person i am. she told me to "shut up" and ended the call. am i the ah for wanting boundaries and not wanting my mother to force a relationship which neither of us want? i might be the ah for upsetting my mother, but i don't know. aita for just wanting to be respected?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
firstly, i am on mobile so sorry for formatting. i (29f) have never had a good relationship with my older brother (33m). he never shows me any love whatsoever and has made it clear my entire life that he never wanted me. as a result of his rejection throughout my life, i've been emotionally protecting myself by rejecting him back over the past few years. we both live in our own homes, not with our parents. my mother is in denial about the lack of relationship between us and keeps trying to force a relationship between us which neither of us want, and my only arguments with her are regarding this. i told her to drop it many times as i value my relationship with her and hate arguing, and to respect my boundaries. i have multiple chronic health issues which require frequent medical attention. my brother never contacts me to see how i am, which hurts a lot but i've learnt to accept it somewhat. my mother and i had a nice phone call a few moments ago and she decided to tell me my brother has not been feeling great and has been to the doctor and tried guilt tripping me into contacting him. i said she never does that with him when i'm unwell and need media attention and she made excuses for him. i again reminded her to respect my boundaries and not to text me later saying what a bad person i am. she told me to "shut up" and ended the call. am i the ah for wanting boundaries and not wanting my mother to force a relationship which neither of us want? i might be the ah for upsetting my mother, but i don't know. aita for just wanting to be respected? [/INST] nta. if you don’t want a relationship with your brother, she should respect it. honestly your mom’s the biggest a here because the way she treated both of you as children likely played into the current dynamics, and she needs to respect your boundaries. </s>
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AITA for not calling my gram and cutting her out
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today is my grams birthday. for 21 years we were super close. i even moved in with her to take care of my grandpa before he died and for a year and a half after to make sure she wasn’t alone.
in the 5 years she has become a different person. she’s bitter and cruel.
i am one of four daughters. my eldest sister found love with a beautiful and kind women. almost a year to the day, they started fostering and have now adopted the most amazing boys. my nephews are biracial.
everyone in my family was ecstatic when my nephews- my favorite people on earth- joined us in our family. honestly i can’t remember life without them.
my gram (influenced by her sister) refuses to acknowledge my nephews. in fact when they met her for the first time she locked away all the heirlooms.
when i heard about this, i made the decision to go lc. my other two sisters are now pregnant. when they told her (out of guilt) she called my dad and asked if he was excited to be a first time grandpa.
my dad was angry and hurt. we all cherish my nephews.
when i spoke to her less than a week later, she asked me if i was happy to become an aunt. i said i am excited to welcome two new nephews or nieces. that i can’t wait to watch all 4. i asked her why she didn’t acknowledge my nephews.
she told me that they weren’t family because they didn’t look like her. i decided in that moment, until she apologized to my sister and her family, i wouldn’t let her be a part of my life.
today is her birthday. my cousin asked why i didn’t call her or take my gram out for lunch. i told my cousin that i currently only have one grandma and that until my gram apologized it will be that way. today is simply monday.
my cousin told me i was an ah and i couldn’t force family on her.
the last time i spoke to her, about 4 months ago, i told her my grandpa would be disappointed in her. in the same conversation my cousin told me my grandpa would have accepted them and i went to far. but the thing is, my grandpa was a social worker for 15 years. he would be so proud and excited for my sister. he would have spoiled my nephews rotten and made sure they knew he loved them.
i feel the need to add this- i have 10 older cousins. the oldest we recently discovered isn’t biologically related to us. this has been discovered in the last two months. he is still my grams favorite and she sends money to him weekly.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/os5kwu/aita_for_not_calling_my_gram_and_cutting_her_out/
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2021-07-26 19:03:56
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nta: ask your cousin - "so are you the ah for forcing gram on me?" your gram does not have to love or even spend time with the kids, but she shouldn't deny their existence as part of the family now. it is right that you stand with your sister on this one. you are not forcing anything on your gram besides the hope that she becomes a decent human being.
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totally not the asshole. again, nta! your grandma could have kept her hate to herself, but nope. she had to share that shit. i’m sorry.
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nta. your cousin is ta for trying to force bigotry on you.
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nta. your grandmother sounds seriously racist. if she is willing to try and overcome her bigotry and try to become a better person, then yes, i'd resume contact with her so you can help her with the process. if she's not willing to try and change then you don't need someone like that in your life. racism and bigotry is not acceptable, and you shouldn't force yourself to be around and spend time with someone toxic enough to ignore and dislike a family member based on the color of their skin.
you said that your grandmother changed, and she wasn't always like this. who know? there may be hope that she'll return to the person she was beforehand. if not, then don't bother contacting her.
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nta but if this was a radical change in her personality, she might need to see a doctor/neurologist.
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nta. don’t ever feel guilty for cutting toxic people out of your life.
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nta but a drastic or sudden personality change is a big medical red flag. she may need screening for dementia. here’s an article about it:
https://memory.ucsf.edu/caregiving-support/behavior-personality-changes
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: today is my grams birthday. for 21 years we were super close. i even moved in with her to take care of my grandpa before he died and for a year and a half after to make sure she wasn’t alone. in the 5 years she has become a different person. she’s bitter and cruel. i am one of four daughters. my eldest sister found love with a beautiful and kind women. almost a year to the day, they started fostering and have now adopted the most amazing boys. my nephews are biracial. everyone in my family was ecstatic when my nephews- my favorite people on earth- joined us in our family. honestly i can’t remember life without them. my gram (influenced by her sister) refuses to acknowledge my nephews. in fact when they met her for the first time she locked away all the heirlooms. when i heard about this, i made the decision to go lc. my other two sisters are now pregnant. when they told her (out of guilt) she called my dad and asked if he was excited to be a first time grandpa. my dad was angry and hurt. we all cherish my nephews. when i spoke to her less than a week later, she asked me if i was happy to become an aunt. i said i am excited to welcome two new nephews or nieces. that i can’t wait to watch all 4. i asked her why she didn’t acknowledge my nephews. she told me that they weren’t family because they didn’t look like her. i decided in that moment, until she apologized to my sister and her family, i wouldn’t let her be a part of my life. today is her birthday. my cousin asked why i didn’t call her or take my gram out for lunch. i told my cousin that i currently only have one grandma and that until my gram apologized it will be that way. today is simply monday. my cousin told me i was an ah and i couldn’t force family on her. the last time i spoke to her, about 4 months ago, i told her my grandpa would be disappointed in her. in the same conversation my cousin told me my grandpa would have accepted them and i went to far. but the thing is, my grandpa was a social worker for 15 years. he would be so proud and excited for my sister. he would have spoiled my nephews rotten and made sure they knew he loved them. i feel the need to add this- i have 10 older cousins. the oldest we recently discovered isn’t biologically related to us. this has been discovered in the last two months. he is still my grams favorite and she sends money to him weekly.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
today is my grams birthday. for 21 years we were super close. i even moved in with her to take care of my grandpa before he died and for a year and a half after to make sure she wasn’t alone. in the 5 years she has become a different person. she’s bitter and cruel. i am one of four daughters. my eldest sister found love with a beautiful and kind women. almost a year to the day, they started fostering and have now adopted the most amazing boys. my nephews are biracial. everyone in my family was ecstatic when my nephews- my favorite people on earth- joined us in our family. honestly i can’t remember life without them. my gram (influenced by her sister) refuses to acknowledge my nephews. in fact when they met her for the first time she locked away all the heirlooms. when i heard about this, i made the decision to go lc. my other two sisters are now pregnant. when they told her (out of guilt) she called my dad and asked if he was excited to be a first time grandpa. my dad was angry and hurt. we all cherish my nephews. when i spoke to her less than a week later, she asked me if i was happy to become an aunt. i said i am excited to welcome two new nephews or nieces. that i can’t wait to watch all 4. i asked her why she didn’t acknowledge my nephews. she told me that they weren’t family because they didn’t look like her. i decided in that moment, until she apologized to my sister and her family, i wouldn’t let her be a part of my life. today is her birthday. my cousin asked why i didn’t call her or take my gram out for lunch. i told my cousin that i currently only have one grandma and that until my gram apologized it will be that way. today is simply monday. my cousin told me i was an ah and i couldn’t force family on her. the last time i spoke to her, about 4 months ago, i told her my grandpa would be disappointed in her. in the same conversation my cousin told me my grandpa would have accepted them and i went to far. but the thing is, my grandpa was a social worker for 15 years. he would be so proud and excited for my sister. he would have spoiled my nephews rotten and made sure they knew he loved them. i feel the need to add this- i have 10 older cousins. the oldest we recently discovered isn’t biologically related to us. this has been discovered in the last two months. he is still my grams favorite and she sends money to him weekly. [/INST] nta: ask your cousin - "so are you the ah for forcing gram on me?" your gram does not have to love or even spend time with the kids, but she shouldn't deny their existence as part of the family now. it is right that you stand with your sister on this one. you are not forcing anything on your gram besides the hope that she becomes a decent human being. </s>
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WIBTA if I invited my dad to my wedding, but told him his girlfriend couldn't go?
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i'm not planning on getting married soon, but being a young woman i have a lot of thoughts about my future wedding, and i have a really bad relationship with my dad's girlfriend. she listened in to phone calls with my mom and reported it back to my dad, she has called me a "dumb bitch" for waking up early for school (which then woke up the dog and she insists that the dog sleeps with her so it woke her up too), makes digs at me for not doing good enough no matter what i do (for example, if i've been working a lot one week she will make a comment about how gross my room is, or if i do clean my room or do something around the house she will make a comment about how it wasnt good enough.). she hides food from me and gets angry if i eat anything that someone else may have wanted to eat and has called me a "fat bitch" for eating the last muffin once. she insists i buy my own food (which she then "borrows" and then calls me selfish for buying it for myself.). she has made several comments to my dad about how he "cant afford to take care of me" and how it "isnt his responsibility" (even when i was under 18, she would insist that i go live with my mom instead). i can't even stomach the thought of seeing her on such an important day in my life, she has made the last few years of mine miserable and seeing her would ruin it for me. i was thinking of just inviting my dad but specifying that she was not invited, and then letting him know that if he insisted she go then neither of them would be welcome at the ceremony, and then just having my mom walk me down the isle. is this wrong? is it an ass move?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aff7iz/wibta_if_i_invited_my_dad_to_my_wedding_but_told/
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2019-01-13 03:20:23
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nta but i would honestly wait till you’re engaged to have that conversation. no point in starting a fight for nothing right now.
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nta, if she doesn't respect you now, then she won't respect you during the wedding
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nta- your dads girlfriend sounds exactly like the description of an evil stepmom like wtf? it makes total sense why you would not want her at the most important day of your life. btw have you tried talking to your dad about all the stuff she’s done?
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nta she sounds like a raging hell bitch
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oh my gosh nta. i’m appalled that your dad is with a woman who treats his daughter so poorly. i’m sorry, op.
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nta. she isn't going to respect you in the fitted if she doesn't respect you now. i don't blame you for not wanting her their. your dad has a choice. his loss if he isn't at your future wedding.
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nta. she has no right to be there, and neither does anyone else you don't want to be there.
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nta. why is your dad with someone who treats you like this? my children could be married, with kids of their own, and established with a house and career and i would *never* date anyone who treated them the way your dad's gf treats you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm not planning on getting married soon, but being a young woman i have a lot of thoughts about my future wedding, and i have a really bad relationship with my dad's girlfriend. she listened in to phone calls with my mom and reported it back to my dad, she has called me a "dumb bitch" for waking up early for school (which then woke up the dog and she insists that the dog sleeps with her so it woke her up too), makes digs at me for not doing good enough no matter what i do (for example, if i've been working a lot one week she will make a comment about how gross my room is, or if i do clean my room or do something around the house she will make a comment about how it wasnt good enough.). she hides food from me and gets angry if i eat anything that someone else may have wanted to eat and has called me a "fat bitch" for eating the last muffin once. she insists i buy my own food (which she then "borrows" and then calls me selfish for buying it for myself.). she has made several comments to my dad about how he "cant afford to take care of me" and how it "isnt his responsibility" (even when i was under 18, she would insist that i go live with my mom instead). i can't even stomach the thought of seeing her on such an important day in my life, she has made the last few years of mine miserable and seeing her would ruin it for me. i was thinking of just inviting my dad but specifying that she was not invited, and then letting him know that if he insisted she go then neither of them would be welcome at the ceremony, and then just having my mom walk me down the isle. is this wrong? is it an ass move?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm not planning on getting married soon, but being a young woman i have a lot of thoughts about my future wedding, and i have a really bad relationship with my dad's girlfriend. she listened in to phone calls with my mom and reported it back to my dad, she has called me a "dumb bitch" for waking up early for school (which then woke up the dog and she insists that the dog sleeps with her so it woke her up too), makes digs at me for not doing good enough no matter what i do (for example, if i've been working a lot one week she will make a comment about how gross my room is, or if i do clean my room or do something around the house she will make a comment about how it wasnt good enough.). she hides food from me and gets angry if i eat anything that someone else may have wanted to eat and has called me a "fat bitch" for eating the last muffin once. she insists i buy my own food (which she then "borrows" and then calls me selfish for buying it for myself.). she has made several comments to my dad about how he "cant afford to take care of me" and how it "isnt his responsibility" (even when i was under 18, she would insist that i go live with my mom instead). i can't even stomach the thought of seeing her on such an important day in my life, she has made the last few years of mine miserable and seeing her would ruin it for me. i was thinking of just inviting my dad but specifying that she was not invited, and then letting him know that if he insisted she go then neither of them would be welcome at the ceremony, and then just having my mom walk me down the isle. is this wrong? is it an ass move? [/INST] nta but i would honestly wait till you’re engaged to have that conversation. no point in starting a fight for nothing right now. </s>
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AITA for only wanting to pay for my parents and not my siblings when we go on vacation?
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i’m 30+ years old, the eldest of 3 in an asian household, and gainfully employed ever since graduating from college. i have 2 younger brothers and both my parents are seniors and recently retired.
our family has always been quite well-travelled as we make it a priority so we save up for trips at least once a year. i’m at a point now where i can spend money to take my parents on trips abroad and i’m excited for the opportunity to give back to them this way for being great parents.
my issue is i seem to be expected to pay for my two siblings as well, which increases costs exponentially to the point where it hurts me financially. my brothers are both college graduates and should have been employed already, but for several reasons, they aren’t yet. one brother is almost 30 years old and is still a pilot in training (doesn’t show a sense of urgency to finish), and the other brother is a culinary arts graduate that doesn’t earn much and is currently unemployed (don’t think he’s in a rush either). i had hoped we could all chip in to take our parents on trips, but this doesn’t seem to be the case in the immediate future.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v0g4n4/aita_for_only_wanting_to_pay_for_my_parents_and/
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2022-05-29 17:33:29
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nta. if your brothers cannot afford to pay their own way, they should not expect to go on these trips. they should also make that clear to your parents themselves…so your parents aren’t expecting you to foot the bill for the whole family.
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nta tell your parents that your brothers are grown ass men and if they want to go on vacation, they can pay for it, because you can't afford them.
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nta your siblings aren’t children.
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nta for just opening the conversation. but do practice your wording as people tend to be super defensive and read their own meaning into a conversation about finances. i am a child of immigrants in canada (47m). we’re egyptian. i’m the oldest in the family and have gone to college and grad school and, fortunately, gainfully employed as well. i also have an unemployed younger sibling (40m). since your two younger siblings are adults, they should not feel entitled to a free paid vacation. they can pay their own way or simply not join on this vacation because they can’t afford it at the moment. now, if your folks want them to join and they pay for them, there’s not much you can do there, as your parents are free to spend their own money as they please.
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nta
it would be one thing if your brothers were employed and needed financial help for the trip - but were contributing. but no - your brothers are freeloading and don't deserve the trip.
i'm not asian so i don't have any first hand knowledge of that culture/family dynamic - but i do know manipulative parents because i had them. breaking the chokehold while still trying to retain a healthy relationship is hard. i don't envy your situation.
be honest with your parents. tell them you cannot afford to pay for your brothers. period. don't give details - it only gives debating points. let them choose - trip without your brothers or no trip.
then - and this is the hardest part - don't feel guilty, whichever way it ends up.
good luck.
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asian american here. nta. i totally get the sentiment of paying back your parents but no need to extend that to siblings. if you do it, you might resent it later. siblings should decide for themselves if they want to join given their finances. parents should understand that you need to prioritize your financial situation. even asian parents can learn that things change when children grow up.
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nta i’m a daughter of immigrants who tend to feel the same way about vacations - that we should all go. my parents paid for both their kids when we were students and now sometimes my sister who is in a high paying profession will cover herself but if i dont make enough i’d be subsidized.
i think it is completely fair to say you can’t pay for your brothers. but it is also fair for your parents to decline to go if your brothers can’t come. so i’d just be prepared for that possibility. because i know if it came down to it, my parents would probably ask to delay to give me time to save up or for them to pay for me if the alternative was me not going. (please note: i have never asked to be paid for and would pay for myself for any trips i could actually afford. they just pick stuff that is way nicer than i can manage sometimes).
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m 30+ years old, the eldest of 3 in an asian household, and gainfully employed ever since graduating from college. i have 2 younger brothers and both my parents are seniors and recently retired. our family has always been quite well-travelled as we make it a priority so we save up for trips at least once a year. i’m at a point now where i can spend money to take my parents on trips abroad and i’m excited for the opportunity to give back to them this way for being great parents. my issue is i seem to be expected to pay for my two siblings as well, which increases costs exponentially to the point where it hurts me financially. my brothers are both college graduates and should have been employed already, but for several reasons, they aren’t yet. one brother is almost 30 years old and is still a pilot in training (doesn’t show a sense of urgency to finish), and the other brother is a culinary arts graduate that doesn’t earn much and is currently unemployed (don’t think he’s in a rush either). i had hoped we could all chip in to take our parents on trips, but this doesn’t seem to be the case in the immediate future.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m 30+ years old, the eldest of 3 in an asian household, and gainfully employed ever since graduating from college. i have 2 younger brothers and both my parents are seniors and recently retired. our family has always been quite well-travelled as we make it a priority so we save up for trips at least once a year. i’m at a point now where i can spend money to take my parents on trips abroad and i’m excited for the opportunity to give back to them this way for being great parents. my issue is i seem to be expected to pay for my two siblings as well, which increases costs exponentially to the point where it hurts me financially. my brothers are both college graduates and should have been employed already, but for several reasons, they aren’t yet. one brother is almost 30 years old and is still a pilot in training (doesn’t show a sense of urgency to finish), and the other brother is a culinary arts graduate that doesn’t earn much and is currently unemployed (don’t think he’s in a rush either). i had hoped we could all chip in to take our parents on trips, but this doesn’t seem to be the case in the immediate future. [/INST] nta. if your brothers cannot afford to pay their own way, they should not expect to go on these trips. they should also make that clear to your parents themselves…so your parents aren’t expecting you to foot the bill for the whole family. </s>
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AITA for closing curtains to make my wife's acne scars less visible?
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the title says it all. my wife has very visible acne scars. obviously, i love her all the same, and i find her stunningly beautiful - but ofc i'd prefer her without the scars. i never told her that because she can't make them go away and it'd be pointlessly rude, of course.
when we go out, my wife wears some makeup, and we're typically only together at home in the evening, but we're currently both confined at home. i barely notice her scars in the artificial lights of our home, but they're far more visible in the pale light of the sun. in the day with all windows open it looks like that: https://images.app.goo.gl/mvchphvribufbcf97
ive taken the habit to keep curtains closed and the lights turned on instead. she loves it and asks for it sometimes because it "feels cozy". i didn't tell her my reasons to do it in the first place, but neither of us minds.
i mentioned it to my sister lately without thinking much of it. she freaked out and said i'm awful and that it means i hate my wife's "true appearance". i think of it as me choosing a flattering light rather than one that makes her less beautiful than what she can look like. what do you think?
.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gh6k1h/aita_for_closing_curtains_to_make_my_wifes_acne/
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2020-05-10 18:22:50
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yta. if you have to keep your motivation a secret from your wife, chances are you're not doing it for a good reason.
aaaand that edit. damn. you're digging your own grave trying to make yourself sound like some kind of hero for marrying her. don't try to guilt trip a whole subreddit, dude.
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yta
my god. why would you marry a woman when you prefer her face to not look like her actual face?
i feel so bad for you poor wife. she deserves so much better.
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yta, i hope she never finds out the real reason why you close the curtains, it will permanently damage her confidence...
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how much yta are you? let me count the ways...
ofc i’d prefer her without the scars- well, you met her with the scars, she has the scars, she can’t make the scars go away so just formulating that opinion is rude af. your poor wife.
you close the curtains and turn the lights in so they’re less visible - for someone who spent an entire first paragraph saying how you don’t mind the scars, you sure spend a lot of time planning and plotting around their visibility
last, there is this thing called climate change we’re trying to slow down: leave the damn curtains open, the lights of, and save some electricity! (and some money off your bills)
yta x1000
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yta. please don’t ever tell your wife. she would never recover from that toxicity.
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yta
which curtains can be closed to disguise these ugly parts of your personality?
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[deleted]
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yta...what the fuck. i don't know how you can be in love with somebody and feel that way about any part of them. and as someone who has dealt with more than my fair share of acne and acne scars, it would be so hurtful to find out that the man i loved only wanted a perfect version of me
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as someone who also has scars you're my biggest fear. and the asshole.
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yeah, never(!) tell her. absolutely never. and i must say i kinda agree with your sister. it just seems really weird. like being in denial a bit. so i guess yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the title says it all. my wife has very visible acne scars. obviously, i love her all the same, and i find her stunningly beautiful - but ofc i'd prefer her without the scars. i never told her that because she can't make them go away and it'd be pointlessly rude, of course. when we go out, my wife wears some makeup, and we're typically only together at home in the evening, but we're currently both confined at home. i barely notice her scars in the artificial lights of our home, but they're far more visible in the pale light of the sun. in the day with all windows open it looks like that: https://images.app.goo.gl/mvchphvribufbcf97 ive taken the habit to keep curtains closed and the lights turned on instead. she loves it and asks for it sometimes because it "feels cozy". i didn't tell her my reasons to do it in the first place, but neither of us minds. i mentioned it to my sister lately without thinking much of it. she freaked out and said i'm awful and that it means i hate my wife's "true appearance". i think of it as me choosing a flattering light rather than one that makes her less beautiful than what she can look like. what do you think? .
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the title says it all. my wife has very visible acne scars. obviously, i love her all the same, and i find her stunningly beautiful - but ofc i'd prefer her without the scars. i never told her that because she can't make them go away and it'd be pointlessly rude, of course. when we go out, my wife wears some makeup, and we're typically only together at home in the evening, but we're currently both confined at home. i barely notice her scars in the artificial lights of our home, but they're far more visible in the pale light of the sun. in the day with all windows open it looks like that: https://images.app.goo.gl/mvchphvribufbcf97 ive taken the habit to keep curtains closed and the lights turned on instead. she loves it and asks for it sometimes because it "feels cozy". i didn't tell her my reasons to do it in the first place, but neither of us minds. i mentioned it to my sister lately without thinking much of it. she freaked out and said i'm awful and that it means i hate my wife's "true appearance". i think of it as me choosing a flattering light rather than one that makes her less beautiful than what she can look like. what do you think? . [/INST] yta. if you have to keep your motivation a secret from your wife, chances are you're not doing it for a good reason. aaaand that edit. damn. you're digging your own grave trying to make yourself sound like some kind of hero for marrying her. don't try to guilt trip a whole subreddit, dude. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my grandmother to invite someone she's only talked to online to stay in our home?
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okay so, my grandma is constantly talking to men online, most of them are scammers, obviously, but she started talking to one she really likes and told me she had a date with him and i was excited for her!
and then i found from my aunt that she invited him to stay in our apartment for a few days and i freaked out. she's inviting a stranger, who she's never met in person, to stay in our home. i'm told i'm being overdramatic, and maybe i am, but it's always been drilled into my head never to give your address to people you've only met online. sure, he could end up being the best guy in the world, but in my opinion, because we don't know that for a fact, it's not safe to invite to stay in our apartment right now, so aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u9jt13/aita_for_not_wanting_my_grandmother_to_invite/
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2022-04-22 17:19:56
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nta.
it’s very basic- stranger danger.
and, you live there too. you have a right to feel safe in your own home. have you spoken to her about this and explained your feelings around it?
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it's very irresponsible. i would be extremely uncomfortable with this as well. it's a safety issue for sure. they should meet in public first and get to know each other in person before this person comes anywhere near your home!
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nta. i also live with my grandmother and she is susceptible to so many sketchy things she sees on the internet (scams, impersonations, etc.). you are not in the wrong at all for not wanting a stranger, let alone one your grandma found on the internet, into your home.
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nta
your grandmother needs educating on how to stay safe online. she's certainly inviting a huge risk into her home. how old are you? who is your guardian? if you were my kid i would not be comfortable with you staying in your grandmother's house while this stranger is there. do you have another relative you could stay with?
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nta but does it matter....since he's coming either way? instead of worrying about social graces, prepare for the worst: secure all valuables (away from the apartment if possible), cameras in allowable areas, notify friends and family of all plans, have a contact who will reach out if they haven't heard from you in x amount of time.
assume he's going to steal and coerce and try to establish residency. be familiar with tenant laws in your area. have the non-emergency police number saved. take photos of the entire apartment beforehand. take pictures of him, his vehicle, his belongings, etc. don't expect that someone else will know what to do if things get sketchy.
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nta - he is a stranger and i don't blame you.
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nta. never give your home address to someone on the internet let alone have them stay in your apartment the first time they meet. safer to have them in a hotel nearby then meet them in public. does your grandma want to end up on a missing person’s poster or your family end up on the evening news? that’s how you do it.
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nta. he’s a stranger. she should at least go out with him a few times before inviting him over
| null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay so, my grandma is constantly talking to men online, most of them are scammers, obviously, but she started talking to one she really likes and told me she had a date with him and i was excited for her! and then i found from my aunt that she invited him to stay in our apartment for a few days and i freaked out. she's inviting a stranger, who she's never met in person, to stay in our home. i'm told i'm being overdramatic, and maybe i am, but it's always been drilled into my head never to give your address to people you've only met online. sure, he could end up being the best guy in the world, but in my opinion, because we don't know that for a fact, it's not safe to invite to stay in our apartment right now, so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay so, my grandma is constantly talking to men online, most of them are scammers, obviously, but she started talking to one she really likes and told me she had a date with him and i was excited for her! and then i found from my aunt that she invited him to stay in our apartment for a few days and i freaked out. she's inviting a stranger, who she's never met in person, to stay in our home. i'm told i'm being overdramatic, and maybe i am, but it's always been drilled into my head never to give your address to people you've only met online. sure, he could end up being the best guy in the world, but in my opinion, because we don't know that for a fact, it's not safe to invite to stay in our apartment right now, so aita? [/INST] nta. it’s very basic- stranger danger. and, you live there too. you have a right to feel safe in your own home. have you spoken to her about this and explained your feelings around it? </s>
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AITA Saying that it’s my uncle with dementia's own fault that his kids want nothing to do with him and neither will take care of him?
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my uncle “dave” was a horrible person to my older cousins “tom” and “zara” and he doesn’t even deserve to be called a father. dave didn’t care about tom or zara at all and only used them as props to make himself look good in front of acquaintances. his biggest parenting priority was always controlling tom and zara and asserting his authority over them instead of making sure they were happy and stable people. one time dave said “look, a dog” and tom replied, “yeah, cute beagle.” then dave snapped at and punished tom for “treating me like **i’m** the fucking idiot, as if you know more than i do!” because tom revealed that he knew more information than dave did by mentioning the dog was a beagle. dave knew treating tom and zara like this was wrong because he would always act super friendly and like he was some loving, understanding dad in front of strangers and acquaintances and would only show his true colors around family or behind closed doors. dave also made up lies about tom and especially zara to get himself praise and sympathy. he told people how zara was “retarded,” barely passing school, and had no friends. which was all made up. zara has adhd which is not at all the same thing as an intellectual disability. zara also had straight a’s for all of high school and tons of good friends.
tom stopped talking to dave as soon as he turned 18 and zara was able to live with her mom full-time after she turned 15. dave of course played the victim by saying he had no idea why tom and zara “abandoned” him and how he’s made “so many sacrifices for them.” he would literally say how making them dinner and driving 10 minutes to pick them up from school was a sacrifice for him.
my cousins are both in their twenties (i’m 15) and dave is a lot older. dave was diagnosed with dementia. the doctors weren’t sure which type the last time my parents asked, but i’m pretty sure their best guess was ftd. my nan, great aunt, and great uncle have tried convincing tom and zara to help take care of dave because they’re too old to do it themselves, but of course tom and zara told them no and that dave can rot for all they care. we were at my great aunt and great uncle’s house, and they and my nan were talking about how awful tom and zara are for not wanting to take care of dave when he was dementia. i got fed up and said that it was dave’s own fault that tom and zara want nothing to do with him and he never cared about them so why would they take care of him now? i got yelled at by my nan, great aunt, and great uncle because respecting elders is really important in our family. only my parents are on my side about this. my older sister said while she agreed with my statement, dave is my nan’s son and great aunt and uncle’s nephew and it was incredibly insensitive of me to say what i did in front of them. aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yp9cba/aita_saying_that_its_my_uncle_with_dementias_own/
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2022-11-08 03:02:45
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nta. dave sounds like a textbook narcissist. if nan & co think he's so great they can take care of him.
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facst are facts. being old or sick doesn't change what has been done.
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nta.
elders that want respect should act in ways deserving of respect. like you know, *protecting children from abuse*.
and not calling people horrible for not wanting to be around the dad that abused them and will likely inflict more abuse on them if they come back. dementia can also make people volatile on top of that and very frustrating and difficult to look after.
you don't want people that hate him taking care of him because this could easily lead to elder abuse. which in terms of karma, he may deserve, but tom and zara don't deserve to turn into monsters because of him.
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well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of his own actions.
nta, but i get what your sister is saying. i'm sure your "elders" are worried.
but if you don't think about it too hard and squint a little, you were pointing out his failure to meet the standards they set. your nan has compassion and concern for her child. however dave is not as good a parent as your nan, because he never showed his children the same compassion and concern he got from his mom (your nan). by this logic, you were actually complimenting their parenting rather than criticizing his.
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nta. somebody had to say it.
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nta. you reap what you sow.
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some pretty hefty chickens marching home to roost here.
good for tom and zara but what were their dad's close relatives doing, enabling his appalling, abusive behaviour for so many years?
oh and that 'respect your elders' drivel really grips me. respect is earned and it's usually only said by those individuals who lacked even a modicum of respect for others. f\*ck 'em.
you were spot on with your assessment of the situation and, at fifteen, i admire your willingness to hold a mirror up to your 'elders' revolting behaviour and tell them the truth. good on you as well for sticking up for your cousins.
nta at all.
| null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my uncle “dave” was a horrible person to my older cousins “tom” and “zara” and he doesn’t even deserve to be called a father. dave didn’t care about tom or zara at all and only used them as props to make himself look good in front of acquaintances. his biggest parenting priority was always controlling tom and zara and asserting his authority over them instead of making sure they were happy and stable people. one time dave said “look, a dog” and tom replied, “yeah, cute beagle.” then dave snapped at and punished tom for “treating me like **i’m** the fucking idiot, as if you know more than i do!” because tom revealed that he knew more information than dave did by mentioning the dog was a beagle. dave knew treating tom and zara like this was wrong because he would always act super friendly and like he was some loving, understanding dad in front of strangers and acquaintances and would only show his true colors around family or behind closed doors. dave also made up lies about tom and especially zara to get himself praise and sympathy. he told people how zara was “retarded,” barely passing school, and had no friends. which was all made up. zara has adhd which is not at all the same thing as an intellectual disability. zara also had straight a’s for all of high school and tons of good friends. tom stopped talking to dave as soon as he turned 18 and zara was able to live with her mom full-time after she turned 15. dave of course played the victim by saying he had no idea why tom and zara “abandoned” him and how he’s made “so many sacrifices for them.” he would literally say how making them dinner and driving 10 minutes to pick them up from school was a sacrifice for him. my cousins are both in their twenties (i’m 15) and dave is a lot older. dave was diagnosed with dementia. the doctors weren’t sure which type the last time my parents asked, but i’m pretty sure their best guess was ftd. my nan, great aunt, and great uncle have tried convincing tom and zara to help take care of dave because they’re too old to do it themselves, but of course tom and zara told them no and that dave can rot for all they care. we were at my great aunt and great uncle’s house, and they and my nan were talking about how awful tom and zara are for not wanting to take care of dave when he was dementia. i got fed up and said that it was dave’s own fault that tom and zara want nothing to do with him and he never cared about them so why would they take care of him now? i got yelled at by my nan, great aunt, and great uncle because respecting elders is really important in our family. only my parents are on my side about this. my older sister said while she agreed with my statement, dave is my nan’s son and great aunt and uncle’s nephew and it was incredibly insensitive of me to say what i did in front of them. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my uncle “dave” was a horrible person to my older cousins “tom” and “zara” and he doesn’t even deserve to be called a father. dave didn’t care about tom or zara at all and only used them as props to make himself look good in front of acquaintances. his biggest parenting priority was always controlling tom and zara and asserting his authority over them instead of making sure they were happy and stable people. one time dave said “look, a dog” and tom replied, “yeah, cute beagle.” then dave snapped at and punished tom for “treating me like **i’m** the fucking idiot, as if you know more than i do!” because tom revealed that he knew more information than dave did by mentioning the dog was a beagle. dave knew treating tom and zara like this was wrong because he would always act super friendly and like he was some loving, understanding dad in front of strangers and acquaintances and would only show his true colors around family or behind closed doors. dave also made up lies about tom and especially zara to get himself praise and sympathy. he told people how zara was “retarded,” barely passing school, and had no friends. which was all made up. zara has adhd which is not at all the same thing as an intellectual disability. zara also had straight a’s for all of high school and tons of good friends. tom stopped talking to dave as soon as he turned 18 and zara was able to live with her mom full-time after she turned 15. dave of course played the victim by saying he had no idea why tom and zara “abandoned” him and how he’s made “so many sacrifices for them.” he would literally say how making them dinner and driving 10 minutes to pick them up from school was a sacrifice for him. my cousins are both in their twenties (i’m 15) and dave is a lot older. dave was diagnosed with dementia. the doctors weren’t sure which type the last time my parents asked, but i’m pretty sure their best guess was ftd. my nan, great aunt, and great uncle have tried convincing tom and zara to help take care of dave because they’re too old to do it themselves, but of course tom and zara told them no and that dave can rot for all they care. we were at my great aunt and great uncle’s house, and they and my nan were talking about how awful tom and zara are for not wanting to take care of dave when he was dementia. i got fed up and said that it was dave’s own fault that tom and zara want nothing to do with him and he never cared about them so why would they take care of him now? i got yelled at by my nan, great aunt, and great uncle because respecting elders is really important in our family. only my parents are on my side about this. my older sister said while she agreed with my statement, dave is my nan’s son and great aunt and uncle’s nephew and it was incredibly insensitive of me to say what i did in front of them. aita? [/INST] nta. dave sounds like a textbook narcissist. if nan & co think he's so great they can take care of him. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to pool my tips when my coworkers don’t ever get good ones?
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i work at a restaurant as a waitress and my coworkers have asked if we can start pooling tips instead of just getting the ones for the tables we have taken care of.
when i said i would rather not. they said it was unfair because i got all of the big tips. they have implied that i get more tips because of how i look.
the restaurant is near a lot of businesses and some touristy things so we mostly get our customers during lunch time.
a group of well off business men that come at lunch always ask to be put in my section.
so my coworkers are saying they’re never getting the large tips. but the few times my section was full and the guys have had to sit in the other sections my coworkers still didn’t get the large tips just regular ones.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f1rwnb/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pool_my_tips_when_my/
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2020-02-10 15:31:51
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nah. they're allowed to ask, you're allowed to voice your opinion against it.
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nta, if pooling tips is not required by management then don’t do it. they’re just jealous
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[deleted]
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nta
>when i said i would rather not. they said it was unfair because i got all of the big tips.
yes, and i agree with them. it's unfair to you to pool your tips because you get more than they do and they would simply be stealing your tips.
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nta- do not pool your tips. if your restaurant has it to where you guys take your own tables and keep your own tips then there is no reason to change it now.
furthermore if your coworker isn't getting good tips then they need to reflect on the service they give their tables
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nah - they can ask and you can say no. unless it's the policy of the restaurant, you are entitled to say you work for your tips, via whatever means, and you don't want to rely on other people's behavior to determine your payout
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nta
i think what your co workers meant to say was “i want a tip pool so i can continue to do a crappy job and take advantage of your hard earned tips.”
your co workers suck, and imo tip pool at full services restaurants is archaic. you get what you earn.
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[deleted]
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nta. i waitressed a few places. the last place ended up doing this because one girl was getting awful tips, could see why. i quit when they implemented this plan.
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nta - why would you ever pool tips? that makes no sense. tips are your wages.
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.003383 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work at a restaurant as a waitress and my coworkers have asked if we can start pooling tips instead of just getting the ones for the tables we have taken care of. when i said i would rather not. they said it was unfair because i got all of the big tips. they have implied that i get more tips because of how i look. the restaurant is near a lot of businesses and some touristy things so we mostly get our customers during lunch time. a group of well off business men that come at lunch always ask to be put in my section. so my coworkers are saying they’re never getting the large tips. but the few times my section was full and the guys have had to sit in the other sections my coworkers still didn’t get the large tips just regular ones.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work at a restaurant as a waitress and my coworkers have asked if we can start pooling tips instead of just getting the ones for the tables we have taken care of. when i said i would rather not. they said it was unfair because i got all of the big tips. they have implied that i get more tips because of how i look. the restaurant is near a lot of businesses and some touristy things so we mostly get our customers during lunch time. a group of well off business men that come at lunch always ask to be put in my section. so my coworkers are saying they’re never getting the large tips. but the few times my section was full and the guys have had to sit in the other sections my coworkers still didn’t get the large tips just regular ones. [/INST] nah. they're allowed to ask, you're allowed to voice your opinion against it. </s>
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AITA for laying on the horn for someone going 20 in a 30?
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simple situation; not much weight here but want to know.
i was driving on a road with a 30mph speed limit where everyone tends to go around 40. a car turned in front of me and started going 20mph. i waited for about 15 seconds for him to speed up and he continued at 20mph so i honked for about 2 full seconds because i figured he was on his phone and not paying attention. he didn’t do anything so i went around him and it was an old man and he gave me the middle finger.
aita? was i harsh and should’ve been more patient?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qayqfi/aita_for_laying_on_the_horn_for_someone_going_20/
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2021-10-18 23:27:16
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yta but only because i believe that the horn is an attention tool, not a button you fucking pound whenever you want to do the car equivalent of scream at someone. all you need is a little toot toot. for all you know the guy is in unfamiliar territory and looking for a specific address or street or something to stop at. you don't know why the guy is going 20, you just immediately assumed it was to be a dick.
you could have just went around him and not made it into a whole thing.
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yta
wants to go 40 in the 30.
can only go 20.
can't handle it so honks horn for an obnoxious 2 seconds.
races around driver.
clearly wants to stir it up and gets offended by being flipped off.
runs to reddit for validation of bad behavior.
you don't have to enjoy a slower driver but get over yourself and learn to be patient. the extra 15 seconds you will spend on the road won't kill you.
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esh. you want to alert someone, it’s peep-peep, not baaarrrrrrppp
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yta. just honk once, you don't need to lay on the horn for something like that.
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info; do you lay into your horn at the people going 40? if not, why do you think it’s okay to go 10 over but not 10 under?
esh, just drive the fucking speed limit, you’re all dangers on the road.
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yta
it didn't change anything, all you did was act like a asshole and in my city you could have been fined for using your horn like that.
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yta. i get the frustration but we have to share the roads. the horn is for avoiding accidents, or letting another driver know you are there. a short beep may have been called for, just to make sure the car knew you were behind them. anything more is really being a fussball.
also-- forcing someone to go faster than they are comfortable with can endanger others, and long beeps can lead to road rage confrontation that also endanger others. should this old man still be driving if he can't go 30 safely? maybe not, but you are not the dmv.
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yta. it doesn't matter if everyone goes 40. the speed limit is 30. if someone is going 20, they're the same distance away from 30 as someone going 40. if you wouldn't beep at the person going 40 don't beep at the person going 20.
if you have underlying road rage issues, get those checked out. one person going slow shouldn't derail your whole day.
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yta - like 2/5 - personally i would say you should have been more patient. a speed limit is the fastest speed you should go, not the slowest. obviously if someone is going too slow they can be a road hazard, but i would have just sucked it up and waited until there was an opportunity to pass.
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yta. if someone was walking slowly down the sidewalk would you shout at the to go faster? you don’t know what’s going on with the people in other cars. maybe he’s doing to best he can. that said, i would have done the same thing. so i’m ta also.
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.007204 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: simple situation; not much weight here but want to know. i was driving on a road with a 30mph speed limit where everyone tends to go around 40. a car turned in front of me and started going 20mph. i waited for about 15 seconds for him to speed up and he continued at 20mph so i honked for about 2 full seconds because i figured he was on his phone and not paying attention. he didn’t do anything so i went around him and it was an old man and he gave me the middle finger. aita? was i harsh and should’ve been more patient?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
simple situation; not much weight here but want to know. i was driving on a road with a 30mph speed limit where everyone tends to go around 40. a car turned in front of me and started going 20mph. i waited for about 15 seconds for him to speed up and he continued at 20mph so i honked for about 2 full seconds because i figured he was on his phone and not paying attention. he didn’t do anything so i went around him and it was an old man and he gave me the middle finger. aita? was i harsh and should’ve been more patient? [/INST] yta but only because i believe that the horn is an attention tool, not a button you fucking pound whenever you want to do the car equivalent of scream at someone. all you need is a little toot toot. for all you know the guy is in unfamiliar territory and looking for a specific address or street or something to stop at. you don't know why the guy is going 20, you just immediately assumed it was to be a dick. you could have just went around him and not made it into a whole thing. </s>
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AITA for just being sick of my confused gay friend?
|
i have a friend who is actively gay but he's stuck in this situation where his father is telling him he's sinful. he doesn't live with his father so it's more of a judgement from afar but it's really getting into his head.
i just feel like i've had the conversation a thousand times. listened to him. but he's gotten slowly more crazy about it. he won't get help. won't cut contact. i want to do something but i don't know what to do and i'm reaching the point where i just don't want to answer the phone at the moment because it's like he won't make the leap but just wants to replay the traumatic situation over and over
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6gs9f/aita_for_just_being_sick_of_my_confused_gay_friend/
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2019-12-05 12:53:42
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nah: you have to put yourself first, if this situation is stressing you out then it's fine to be angry and not interact but you need to tell them that. permanently having someone vent to you can lead to other problems. if you have offered continuous help then its your friend who needs to get professional help.
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nah for how you feel. you'd only be an asshole if you act on your feelings and are rude or dismissive.
but it would be good for you to have a conversation with your friend and tell him this is wearing you down. you aren't a counselor, and can't give him the help he needs.
be kind, but explain you can't help him if you are mentally exhausted from hearing the same thing again and again.
for your mental health, and his, and for the sake of the friendship he needs to find a different approach.
|
is there....passive gayness?
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a friend who is actively gay but he's stuck in this situation where his father is telling him he's sinful. he doesn't live with his father so it's more of a judgement from afar but it's really getting into his head. i just feel like i've had the conversation a thousand times. listened to him. but he's gotten slowly more crazy about it. he won't get help. won't cut contact. i want to do something but i don't know what to do and i'm reaching the point where i just don't want to answer the phone at the moment because it's like he won't make the leap but just wants to replay the traumatic situation over and over
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a friend who is actively gay but he's stuck in this situation where his father is telling him he's sinful. he doesn't live with his father so it's more of a judgement from afar but it's really getting into his head. i just feel like i've had the conversation a thousand times. listened to him. but he's gotten slowly more crazy about it. he won't get help. won't cut contact. i want to do something but i don't know what to do and i'm reaching the point where i just don't want to answer the phone at the moment because it's like he won't make the leap but just wants to replay the traumatic situation over and over [/INST] nah: you have to put yourself first, if this situation is stressing you out then it's fine to be angry and not interact but you need to tell them that. permanently having someone vent to you can lead to other problems. if you have offered continuous help then its your friend who needs to get professional help. </s>
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WIBTA if I outed my atheist husband to his very religious mother?
|
my husband is the oldest of four siblings, and three of the four are atheists. all are adults. my husband and i are both 32 years old and have our own home and a toddler.
he became an atheist at about age 16, and when we met at age 18, his church attendance was spotty. i wound up dragging him out of bed on sunday mornings and meeting him at home to drive to church together; not because i was religious (i was sort of ambiguous and still believed in souls and karma and whatnot), but because i wanted one more excuse to spend time with him, as well as trying evangelical church out in case i was simply bored of catholic church.
fast forward a couple years later, my husband and i spent a lot of time talking about religion, morality, faith, the paranormal, etc. he convinced me that there's nothing wrong with calling oneself an atheist, but still chose to keep it a secret from his evangelical parents, whom my husband swore would disown him.
i guess word got out that i was an atheist (but not my husband...probably because i was slightly less careful than he'd grown up to be). his mother has spent the last 10 years or so being passive aggressive to me, praising my husband for "bringing me to church" - which was actually my idea, telling me the day after we were engaged that i was "very lucky to have such a godly husband."
she's apparently still under the impression that i came into her son's life and turned him into an atheist, when it's actually the reverse that's more true.
so we have a three year old daughter who's very receptive to people's emotions and i don't want her to pick up on the fact that i can't stand being around my very religious, anti-muslim, xenophobic, homophobic, atheist-hating mother-in-law.
my husband - who is an independent adult - is still not comfortable with his parents knowing that he was an atheist first, although they've been told this but don't believe it. it seems like i'm stuck with them treating me rudely because he is afraid of nothing else other than them knowing this about him.
wibta if i told my mil that while my husband and i are both atheists, i didn't make him that way?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d6k00n/wibta_if_i_outed_my_atheist_husband_to_his_very/
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2019-09-19 20:41:59
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nta, by keeping this secret he’s allowing his parents to treat you in such a shitty way and talk badly of you? that’s not ok especially since you have a daughter who may hear what your mil is saying about you. i’d have a conversation with your husband first telling him you’re going to tell mil for all the reasons you’ve explained and maybe see how he responds. but yeah, nta for sure.
|
esh.
your husband is throwing you under the bus rather than handling the situation like an adult (telling his mother the truth and standing up for you).
but if you out him to his mom, what are you accomplishing? mil isn't going to suddenly love you. she's just going to be mad at both of you at most. your husband will rightfully feel betrayed by his spouse. outing him only makes everything worse.
|
info
> i don't want her to pick up on the fact that i can't stand being around my very religious, anti-muslim, xenophobic, homophobic, atheist-hating mother-in-law.
how would any of this change if you outed your husband?
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yta only if you tell her, if its bothering you what shes saying then that is your husbands job to stand up to her and defend you. this isnt really a mother inlaw issue, your issue is with your husband.
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esh he’s letting his mother berate you for something he keeps hidden from her, that’s just messed up. but ywbta for “outing” him, however i understand your frustration and anger. he shouldn’t let his mother talk to you like that because he’s still a scared child. if you did “out” him i would understand, you’ve dealt with a lot of crap for too long. everyone telling you to respect and love your husband is forgetting that he’s allowing his mother to shit all over his wife for being an atheist and his hiding it from her. he’s not standing by his wife.
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yta if you out him. that’s never for someone else to decide. however, he’s ta if he’s not defending you to his mother and tolerating her behavior. he’s an independent adult in a marriage. he should put mom in her place.
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ywbta
outing him would make you an asshole.
however, it is time he outed himself. why, because his wife and daughter should have priority over being a coward when it comes to being his true self to his parents.
part of being an adult is standing up to your parents and being clear about what your values are, even if they disagree with them. in other words, he has yet to become a fully realized adult.
yes, his parents may respond poorly, but that is on them.
if the two of you intend to raise a critical thinker, free of bigotry, it would be good if your husband could call out his mom for not polluting your daughter's mind with values he disagrees with.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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ESH
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INFO
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null | null | 0.221267 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband is the oldest of four siblings, and three of the four are atheists. all are adults. my husband and i are both 32 years old and have our own home and a toddler. he became an atheist at about age 16, and when we met at age 18, his church attendance was spotty. i wound up dragging him out of bed on sunday mornings and meeting him at home to drive to church together; not because i was religious (i was sort of ambiguous and still believed in souls and karma and whatnot), but because i wanted one more excuse to spend time with him, as well as trying evangelical church out in case i was simply bored of catholic church. fast forward a couple years later, my husband and i spent a lot of time talking about religion, morality, faith, the paranormal, etc. he convinced me that there's nothing wrong with calling oneself an atheist, but still chose to keep it a secret from his evangelical parents, whom my husband swore would disown him. i guess word got out that i was an atheist (but not my husband...probably because i was slightly less careful than he'd grown up to be). his mother has spent the last 10 years or so being passive aggressive to me, praising my husband for "bringing me to church" - which was actually my idea, telling me the day after we were engaged that i was "very lucky to have such a godly husband." she's apparently still under the impression that i came into her son's life and turned him into an atheist, when it's actually the reverse that's more true. so we have a three year old daughter who's very receptive to people's emotions and i don't want her to pick up on the fact that i can't stand being around my very religious, anti-muslim, xenophobic, homophobic, atheist-hating mother-in-law. my husband - who is an independent adult - is still not comfortable with his parents knowing that he was an atheist first, although they've been told this but don't believe it. it seems like i'm stuck with them treating me rudely because he is afraid of nothing else other than them knowing this about him. wibta if i told my mil that while my husband and i are both atheists, i didn't make him that way?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband is the oldest of four siblings, and three of the four are atheists. all are adults. my husband and i are both 32 years old and have our own home and a toddler. he became an atheist at about age 16, and when we met at age 18, his church attendance was spotty. i wound up dragging him out of bed on sunday mornings and meeting him at home to drive to church together; not because i was religious (i was sort of ambiguous and still believed in souls and karma and whatnot), but because i wanted one more excuse to spend time with him, as well as trying evangelical church out in case i was simply bored of catholic church. fast forward a couple years later, my husband and i spent a lot of time talking about religion, morality, faith, the paranormal, etc. he convinced me that there's nothing wrong with calling oneself an atheist, but still chose to keep it a secret from his evangelical parents, whom my husband swore would disown him. i guess word got out that i was an atheist (but not my husband...probably because i was slightly less careful than he'd grown up to be). his mother has spent the last 10 years or so being passive aggressive to me, praising my husband for "bringing me to church" - which was actually my idea, telling me the day after we were engaged that i was "very lucky to have such a godly husband." she's apparently still under the impression that i came into her son's life and turned him into an atheist, when it's actually the reverse that's more true. so we have a three year old daughter who's very receptive to people's emotions and i don't want her to pick up on the fact that i can't stand being around my very religious, anti-muslim, xenophobic, homophobic, atheist-hating mother-in-law. my husband - who is an independent adult - is still not comfortable with his parents knowing that he was an atheist first, although they've been told this but don't believe it. it seems like i'm stuck with them treating me rudely because he is afraid of nothing else other than them knowing this about him. wibta if i told my mil that while my husband and i are both atheists, i didn't make him that way? [/INST] nta, by keeping this secret he’s allowing his parents to treat you in such a shitty way and talk badly of you? that’s not ok especially since you have a daughter who may hear what your mil is saying about you. i’d have a conversation with your husband first telling him you’re going to tell mil for all the reasons you’ve explained and maybe see how he responds. but yeah, nta for sure. </s>
|
AITA For ruining my nephew's birthday party after I was mocked and made fun of by my family?
|
when me (20m) and my brother steve (28m) were growing up, there was a lot of competition between us and i always felt that my parents/other family paid more attention to him. for example, his hs graduation was a bigger deal with lots of people attending, mine was just a quiet dinner. that was just one thing among many others.
i know it's a bit petty, but i think i do hold some resentment. so steve graduated from college years ago and it was a big deal since he was the first person to graduate in our family. i am in college right now and have to take an extra year due to some other issues i am having and i've been frustrated about it.
so my brother has a 3 year old son, and was throwing a big birthday party for him. throughout the party i was ridiculed, for example, in a conversation with my uncle and aunt, my aunt said about me "well at least if this one doesn't graduate college, we'll still have steve to celebrate about."
steve also made a few digs at me, saying in a supposed joking manner "once you drop out, i'll get you a job to shine my shoes every morning" and people around me laughed, including my parents. i was ticked me off because i hate being reminded of my failures.
in addition, when there were a few guests that arrived, they ignored me straight up completely and went to steve even if i was standing right there.
i got so fed up that i walked over to the birthday cake that was sitting on the table in the back and when no one was looking, i punched my fist through the middle of it, then i went back and joined the party.
it turned out to be a mistake since someone did see me and informed my parents. my parents called me outside and scolded me and told me i was being selfish, i told them i was tired of being mocked and how they were also just as bad for not doing anything about it.
i was told to go apologize to steve and try to make it up to him, and when we went back inside he ran over to me and asked "what is your fucking problem?"
i told him that i hate being made fun of, but steve did not express remorse and instead told me to go apologize to his son for ruining the cake, i told him "you apologize first you fucking dickhead." his son was only 3 years old, so i figured he wouldn't even remember what happened, and i was mad that steve refused to acknowledge his bullying.
steve yelled at me and kicked me out and at this point everyone was looking, i told him to go fuck himself and left. he hasn't talked to me since and supposedly told my parents that he is going to keep his nephew away from me. my parents are also on his side.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eon0j0/aita_for_ruining_my_nephews_birthday_party_after/
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2020-01-14 15:51:06
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esh. i thought i was gonna say nta. i thought you “ruined the party” by leaving early because your family was a bouquet of dicks. oh, actually you destroyed a 3 year old’s birthday cake . your nephew didn’t do anything to hurt you, but you took out your frustration on him. that’s pretty standard bully behavior and you are an asshole for that.
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esh. your family, obviously. but you to. there are a thoisand ways you could have handled this better. now you munished a 3 year old kid for something he didn't have control over. you could have left, sat your parents down and explained calm but firm this was not okay. you could have stayed and tell them off right there. but the cake? that is childish man.
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esh except the 3 yr old who's cake was ruined.
|
esh.
you punched a three year old's cake. who does that? obviously everyone sucks for being jerks to you, and you're within your rights to tell them off. but your nephew didn't deserve that.
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you’re the asshole or yta. instead of handling the situation like an adult (for example, just leaving the party quickly & without much fuss), you decided to throw a temper tantrum and punch out your nephew’s cake (who had nothing to do with this problem between you and your family).as justified as your anger is, that’s no excuse to act like an insolent child. you should have talked to your family the next day about their behavior and if they don’t listen to you, maybe you should see them less and find people who do like you.
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yta, everyone is jealous of siblings. i always thought my younger sister had it better off, turns out she thought i was better off. people say things in jest, and it is how we interpret it. you may feel forgotten about by the family, but be honest when they make jokes and say you don't find that funny. set boundaries. and as for people going straight to your bro, it was his family event. i get the feeling you think everything revolves around you. even if everything you say is completely true, you took your anger out at a child's birthday party, making it about you. yta because even if this was not mainly in your head, you took your anger out on a 3 year old.
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yta, just from your post, you seem like you have some issues. people appear to be dicks to you, and sure i don't know the whole story. but you seem like the type that plays the victim so i just can't take this at face value. you need to get some zen in your life.
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wow. so immature. what kind of asshole takes his anger out on a 3yr old instead of just telling the adult that’s mocking them to stfu? and getting mad and jealous because people automatically went to the party hosts/parents of the birthday person upon arrival instead of fawning over you? dude, grow up.
esh because your family should be aware by now that their idea of a sense of humour is hurting you but mostly you were the shitty one here. probably should get some therapy for your jealousy issues.
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yta for turning their bullying of you into you ruining a child’s party. you’re perpetuating the cycle of bullying and not dealing with what’s actually going on. it sounds like your family has their own shit that they refuse to deal with and talk about openly so they turn it around on you and you did the same thing. apologize for your actions to everyone involved then sit down and have a real conversation about how horrible they’re being, how it makes you feel, and how you will no longer tolerate it (but won’t be punching any more cakes).
|
esh
you are he victim of their bullshit for sure, but punching a kids cake is still an arse thing to do.
you likely need to go low contact with your family, they are not worth your time or your pain.
|
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.022045 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when me (20m) and my brother steve (28m) were growing up, there was a lot of competition between us and i always felt that my parents/other family paid more attention to him. for example, his hs graduation was a bigger deal with lots of people attending, mine was just a quiet dinner. that was just one thing among many others. i know it's a bit petty, but i think i do hold some resentment. so steve graduated from college years ago and it was a big deal since he was the first person to graduate in our family. i am in college right now and have to take an extra year due to some other issues i am having and i've been frustrated about it. so my brother has a 3 year old son, and was throwing a big birthday party for him. throughout the party i was ridiculed, for example, in a conversation with my uncle and aunt, my aunt said about me "well at least if this one doesn't graduate college, we'll still have steve to celebrate about." steve also made a few digs at me, saying in a supposed joking manner "once you drop out, i'll get you a job to shine my shoes every morning" and people around me laughed, including my parents. i was ticked me off because i hate being reminded of my failures. in addition, when there were a few guests that arrived, they ignored me straight up completely and went to steve even if i was standing right there. i got so fed up that i walked over to the birthday cake that was sitting on the table in the back and when no one was looking, i punched my fist through the middle of it, then i went back and joined the party. it turned out to be a mistake since someone did see me and informed my parents. my parents called me outside and scolded me and told me i was being selfish, i told them i was tired of being mocked and how they were also just as bad for not doing anything about it. i was told to go apologize to steve and try to make it up to him, and when we went back inside he ran over to me and asked "what is your fucking problem?" i told him that i hate being made fun of, but steve did not express remorse and instead told me to go apologize to his son for ruining the cake, i told him "you apologize first you fucking dickhead." his son was only 3 years old, so i figured he wouldn't even remember what happened, and i was mad that steve refused to acknowledge his bullying. steve yelled at me and kicked me out and at this point everyone was looking, i told him to go fuck himself and left. he hasn't talked to me since and supposedly told my parents that he is going to keep his nephew away from me. my parents are also on his side.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when me (20m) and my brother steve (28m) were growing up, there was a lot of competition between us and i always felt that my parents/other family paid more attention to him. for example, his hs graduation was a bigger deal with lots of people attending, mine was just a quiet dinner. that was just one thing among many others. i know it's a bit petty, but i think i do hold some resentment. so steve graduated from college years ago and it was a big deal since he was the first person to graduate in our family. i am in college right now and have to take an extra year due to some other issues i am having and i've been frustrated about it. so my brother has a 3 year old son, and was throwing a big birthday party for him. throughout the party i was ridiculed, for example, in a conversation with my uncle and aunt, my aunt said about me "well at least if this one doesn't graduate college, we'll still have steve to celebrate about." steve also made a few digs at me, saying in a supposed joking manner "once you drop out, i'll get you a job to shine my shoes every morning" and people around me laughed, including my parents. i was ticked me off because i hate being reminded of my failures. in addition, when there were a few guests that arrived, they ignored me straight up completely and went to steve even if i was standing right there. i got so fed up that i walked over to the birthday cake that was sitting on the table in the back and when no one was looking, i punched my fist through the middle of it, then i went back and joined the party. it turned out to be a mistake since someone did see me and informed my parents. my parents called me outside and scolded me and told me i was being selfish, i told them i was tired of being mocked and how they were also just as bad for not doing anything about it. i was told to go apologize to steve and try to make it up to him, and when we went back inside he ran over to me and asked "what is your fucking problem?" i told him that i hate being made fun of, but steve did not express remorse and instead told me to go apologize to his son for ruining the cake, i told him "you apologize first you fucking dickhead." his son was only 3 years old, so i figured he wouldn't even remember what happened, and i was mad that steve refused to acknowledge his bullying. steve yelled at me and kicked me out and at this point everyone was looking, i told him to go fuck himself and left. he hasn't talked to me since and supposedly told my parents that he is going to keep his nephew away from me. my parents are also on his side. [/INST] esh. i thought i was gonna say nta. i thought you “ruined the party” by leaving early because your family was a bouquet of dicks. oh, actually you destroyed a 3 year old’s birthday cake . your nephew didn’t do anything to hurt you, but you took out your frustration on him. that’s pretty standard bully behavior and you are an asshole for that. </s>
|
AITA for being honest?
|
my girlfriend was making a joke about getting a sex change and getting a penis and she was like “would you leave me if i was a man”
and i essentially said yes because i’m a straight man and i said that i’m not attracted to men romantically or sexually
“i'm just like damn i've tried so hard for you over the past year but if you had to call me a different pronoun that wouldn't matter to you anymore” is her exact response to me telling her all this. and things like “well you saying that means our love isn’t unconditional.”
she’s bisexual so i don’t think she can get it but its upsetting bruh
am i the asshole for this shit?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b6oy4m/aita_for_being_honest/
|
2019-03-28 21:58:17
|
nta. you're entitled to your sexuality just like he is.
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nta since she did ask, and you're not bisexual.
though, i honestly question if she was entirely joking, with how seriously she took it. i'm not saying that 100% she is questioning her gender identity, but...that seems a bit over the top for a supposed joke.
|
nta. my ex is a trans woman, i am a straight woman. i tried for years but it was never going to work. i don't know the situation form just a few lines on reddit, but my ex used this kind of joke before she eventually came out as trans. i totally support her transition though. maybe that's what she was looking for- that you'd support her even if you wouldn't be able to date her anymore?
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nta - just because she is bisexual doesnt mean she can force her sexuality on you. you are straight and are attracted to women, she should respect that. for some people, gender doesnt matter, but for other people, it is a factor in attraction.
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nta - unconditional love is pretty much a myth. there is always something that would make you fall out of love with someone. it's unlikely most people would do something to affect this though.
might be the way you described the conversation but it doesn't sound like your gf is serious about a sex change anyway, she would be more upset if this was your response and she genuinely feels like she is in the wrong body for her gender. i'd probably advise that if she did want to change gender then as her loving partner stick with her but advise that you could only be friends if she wanted to go whole hog as you identify as straight, she shouldn't expect you to become bi through her choices.
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nta - you answered a question. if she didn't want you to talk about any possibility of leaving her she shouldn't have brought it up or joked about it.
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nta - you're not attracted to men, so does she expected you to change your sexual preferences because she hypothetically changed her sex/gender?
|
nta, for quite a few reasons, but, wanted to respond that i wanted to say of course love is conditional.
i love my bf to pieces, i will be with him forever if i can.
that said, if he turns around tomorrow and murders one of our dogs (on purpose) i will leave his ass.
or if he started touching little kids.
or if he started cheating on me.
or if he stole all my goods/cash.
no love is unconditional, and it shouldn't be, that is delusion.
but also, she is getting upset over a joke, that is just silly, and i think its perfectly fair to say "if you made a major life change and got a sex change and penis, which is not something i find sexual attractive, and would have to put myself though the emotional and public toll of now dating a man" then you would not still want to be with them.
anyway. nta.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend was making a joke about getting a sex change and getting a penis and she was like “would you leave me if i was a man” and i essentially said yes because i’m a straight man and i said that i’m not attracted to men romantically or sexually “i'm just like damn i've tried so hard for you over the past year but if you had to call me a different pronoun that wouldn't matter to you anymore” is her exact response to me telling her all this. and things like “well you saying that means our love isn’t unconditional.” she’s bisexual so i don’t think she can get it but its upsetting bruh am i the asshole for this shit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend was making a joke about getting a sex change and getting a penis and she was like “would you leave me if i was a man” and i essentially said yes because i’m a straight man and i said that i’m not attracted to men romantically or sexually “i'm just like damn i've tried so hard for you over the past year but if you had to call me a different pronoun that wouldn't matter to you anymore” is her exact response to me telling her all this. and things like “well you saying that means our love isn’t unconditional.” she’s bisexual so i don’t think she can get it but its upsetting bruh am i the asshole for this shit? [/INST] nta. you're entitled to your sexuality just like he is. </s>
|
AITA for renovating my FIL's former home?
|
last year, my husband and i purchased his stepdad's former home. for context, his stepdad married his mom only about 5 years ago, at which point he moved in to the larger home she owned. he had been previously married and his wife had passed away from cancer many years ago. they did not have any children together, but his former home held many memories of their life together.
my husband and i have a good relationship with fil and earlier this year, he mentioned that he was planning to put his former home on the market, as property values in the area have skyrocketed. he offered to allow us to buy it for the appraised value, but suggested that he would partially pay the downpayment with a gift of equity. we were grateful, as this allowed us to buy a home that we otherwise could not have afforded.
all seemed well until fil and mil visited us for the first time for easter. we have done several small renovations, mostly just with paint, but the most drastic change was to the kitchen. he admittedly had a very nice kitchen, but it was not to our taste. we changed out the backsplash, countertop, and refinished the cabinets. all of this was diy as my husband works as a carpenter and is skilled in these areas, so cost was just for materials.
fil was very upset when he saw the changes we made. he was unusually quiet through dinner, but before leaving he told my husband he was disappointed that we made these changes without telling him. he felt that we had betrayed him, and that he would not have offered the gift of equity if he had known we were going to "gut" his home. this was hurtful to hear as we did not think the gift came with conditions, and fil also made a considerable profit even after the 5% gift.
i personally feel that if he had sold it to anyone else, they would have every right to renovate however they see fit. it also wasn't as if we had trashed his home, and the changes we've made are very carefully and professionally done. i can understand that it may have been a shock to see somewhere that you've made a lot of memories looking different, and think maybe we should have showed him the changes along the way, but am i really the asshole for changing my home without the former owner's permission?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u77jqf/aita_for_renovating_my_fils_former_home/
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2022-04-19 15:16:04
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nta
when you bought the place, it became your home and was no longer his. it's not reasonable to expect someone to keep their newly purchased house in original condition, it's not a museum piece. it's your home.
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nta, it is your home - but maybe fil can be forgiven for his poor reaction since we was presumably caught off guard and had an emotional reaction that would have been avoided if you had mentioned the changes before he came over? not that you "owed" him that, but i can sympathize with his feelings if this was a one-time slip up.
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nta and he is being ridiculous. of course you are going to make changes to your new home.
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nta
it’s no longer his home. he could’ve kept that to himself.
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nta. 1. how were you supposed to know he didn't want any changes made?
2. if someone else had bought the home, what would he have done? go to a stranger and ask them why they changed a house they bought?
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nta. you are not required to maintain the home as a shrine to the kitchen his late wife picked out.
he is just upset that in his mind he could play pretend and thing the house was always going to stay the way she made it, and with you owning it, he doesnt have that mental plausible deniability.
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nta
he is still emotionally attached to the house he shared with his late wife. he needs counselling. the house is your home now and you both can change it as you want without prior premission or giving him warning.
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nta. he doesn't own it anymore. it's not his concern.
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nta- as you said if someone else bought the house they would have done the same. he never said you couldn't change the house otherwise you probably wouldn't have bought it.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last year, my husband and i purchased his stepdad's former home. for context, his stepdad married his mom only about 5 years ago, at which point he moved in to the larger home she owned. he had been previously married and his wife had passed away from cancer many years ago. they did not have any children together, but his former home held many memories of their life together. my husband and i have a good relationship with fil and earlier this year, he mentioned that he was planning to put his former home on the market, as property values in the area have skyrocketed. he offered to allow us to buy it for the appraised value, but suggested that he would partially pay the downpayment with a gift of equity. we were grateful, as this allowed us to buy a home that we otherwise could not have afforded. all seemed well until fil and mil visited us for the first time for easter. we have done several small renovations, mostly just with paint, but the most drastic change was to the kitchen. he admittedly had a very nice kitchen, but it was not to our taste. we changed out the backsplash, countertop, and refinished the cabinets. all of this was diy as my husband works as a carpenter and is skilled in these areas, so cost was just for materials. fil was very upset when he saw the changes we made. he was unusually quiet through dinner, but before leaving he told my husband he was disappointed that we made these changes without telling him. he felt that we had betrayed him, and that he would not have offered the gift of equity if he had known we were going to "gut" his home. this was hurtful to hear as we did not think the gift came with conditions, and fil also made a considerable profit even after the 5% gift. i personally feel that if he had sold it to anyone else, they would have every right to renovate however they see fit. it also wasn't as if we had trashed his home, and the changes we've made are very carefully and professionally done. i can understand that it may have been a shock to see somewhere that you've made a lot of memories looking different, and think maybe we should have showed him the changes along the way, but am i really the asshole for changing my home without the former owner's permission?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last year, my husband and i purchased his stepdad's former home. for context, his stepdad married his mom only about 5 years ago, at which point he moved in to the larger home she owned. he had been previously married and his wife had passed away from cancer many years ago. they did not have any children together, but his former home held many memories of their life together. my husband and i have a good relationship with fil and earlier this year, he mentioned that he was planning to put his former home on the market, as property values in the area have skyrocketed. he offered to allow us to buy it for the appraised value, but suggested that he would partially pay the downpayment with a gift of equity. we were grateful, as this allowed us to buy a home that we otherwise could not have afforded. all seemed well until fil and mil visited us for the first time for easter. we have done several small renovations, mostly just with paint, but the most drastic change was to the kitchen. he admittedly had a very nice kitchen, but it was not to our taste. we changed out the backsplash, countertop, and refinished the cabinets. all of this was diy as my husband works as a carpenter and is skilled in these areas, so cost was just for materials. fil was very upset when he saw the changes we made. he was unusually quiet through dinner, but before leaving he told my husband he was disappointed that we made these changes without telling him. he felt that we had betrayed him, and that he would not have offered the gift of equity if he had known we were going to "gut" his home. this was hurtful to hear as we did not think the gift came with conditions, and fil also made a considerable profit even after the 5% gift. i personally feel that if he had sold it to anyone else, they would have every right to renovate however they see fit. it also wasn't as if we had trashed his home, and the changes we've made are very carefully and professionally done. i can understand that it may have been a shock to see somewhere that you've made a lot of memories looking different, and think maybe we should have showed him the changes along the way, but am i really the asshole for changing my home without the former owner's permission? [/INST] nta when you bought the place, it became your home and was no longer his. it's not reasonable to expect someone to keep their newly purchased house in original condition, it's not a museum piece. it's your home. </s>
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AITA if I think my friend should refund fundraising money people contributed to?
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tl; dr at bottom.
a friend of mine started a fund campaign to raise money for her dog's surgery in january. it was legit, not a scam. apparently there was a terribly painful injury to the dog that was getting worse and they wanted to raise $2,000 for the surgery asap because their pet insurance didn't cover all of it. there weren't a ton of details about what the injury was or what the surgery was for exactly, but whatever, i gave a little bit.
here's the aita part: i found out through a third party that the dog didn't end up making it to surgery and had to be put down. no surgery took place; it was determined the surgery would not make a difference and they opted for euthanasia. aita for thinking they should give the money back they raised? i didn't say anything and **i'm not going to bug a grieving family over 25 bucks**, but i just found it tacky they just kept the money meant for something specific that didn't happen.
tl; dr: friend started fund campaign for their dog's surgery, which i gave to, but dog had to be put down before surgery. aita for thinking they should give the money back?
edited; added details
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b9can9/aita_if_i_think_my_friend_should_refund/
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2019-04-04 12:49:26
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nta. it may be difficult to refund the money depending on which platform was used to raise it. you may suggest that your friend use whatever to pay any remaining vet bills and then make a contribution to an animal related charity after letting contributors know that’s her plan and updating them as to what happened with her pet.
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info
are you absolutely sure that she didn't have to pay pull price for the surgery? i had a cat have a heart attack and die on the table during a spay and i still had to pay the cost of the spay (because of all the equipment and other items were used in surgery) and then her costs relating to her death.
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nah, they started the fundraiser in good faith, and they were going to use it for the surgery, but if their vet tells them that the only option is going to be to put them down due to complications arising before the surgery, then that's out of their control.
i understand that you'd want your money back if it isn't going to what you thought it was, but perhaps it would be better if they forwarded the money to a charity for animals? i have no idea what they're like in the us, but i believe the rspca in the uk takes donations and similar organisations exist globally.
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info.
i'm sure there were tons of bills already, surgery or not. when my dog had an emergency, to walk in alone at my vet is $100, exam $50, x-ray $100, medicine(s) $200+, anesthesia $200... etc., etc. by the end of he process we spent $1,6000 (so worth it, my dog is *absolutely* worth every penny to me).
if there's leftover money, they should return it. but there's no way to know if/how much money is leftover and if they even can return it.
plus, if they only used part of the money, how should they determine to whom and how much to give back?
how long ago did this all happen? days? months? and do you absolute know they're not trying to do something about it as it is, or are you assuming they aren't?
sticky situation i think.
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NTA
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INFO
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NAH
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INFO
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.161945 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: tl; dr at bottom. a friend of mine started a fund campaign to raise money for her dog's surgery in january. it was legit, not a scam. apparently there was a terribly painful injury to the dog that was getting worse and they wanted to raise $2,000 for the surgery asap because their pet insurance didn't cover all of it. there weren't a ton of details about what the injury was or what the surgery was for exactly, but whatever, i gave a little bit. here's the aita part: i found out through a third party that the dog didn't end up making it to surgery and had to be put down. no surgery took place; it was determined the surgery would not make a difference and they opted for euthanasia. aita for thinking they should give the money back they raised? i didn't say anything and **i'm not going to bug a grieving family over 25 bucks**, but i just found it tacky they just kept the money meant for something specific that didn't happen. tl; dr: friend started fund campaign for their dog's surgery, which i gave to, but dog had to be put down before surgery. aita for thinking they should give the money back? edited; added details
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
tl; dr at bottom. a friend of mine started a fund campaign to raise money for her dog's surgery in january. it was legit, not a scam. apparently there was a terribly painful injury to the dog that was getting worse and they wanted to raise $2,000 for the surgery asap because their pet insurance didn't cover all of it. there weren't a ton of details about what the injury was or what the surgery was for exactly, but whatever, i gave a little bit. here's the aita part: i found out through a third party that the dog didn't end up making it to surgery and had to be put down. no surgery took place; it was determined the surgery would not make a difference and they opted for euthanasia. aita for thinking they should give the money back they raised? i didn't say anything and **i'm not going to bug a grieving family over 25 bucks**, but i just found it tacky they just kept the money meant for something specific that didn't happen. tl; dr: friend started fund campaign for their dog's surgery, which i gave to, but dog had to be put down before surgery. aita for thinking they should give the money back? edited; added details [/INST] nta. it may be difficult to refund the money depending on which platform was used to raise it. you may suggest that your friend use whatever to pay any remaining vet bills and then make a contribution to an animal related charity after letting contributors know that’s her plan and updating them as to what happened with her pet. </s>
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WIBTA for putting in my 2 weeks notice after starting a new job?
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i asked my manager 2 months ago for a raise because i wasn't happy with making the same amount as my coworkers who regularly are far less productive than me, and far less qualified.
today, i found out that he gave me a $400 bonus onto my check.
when i asked him initially, it didn't sound like anything was going to come out of me asking for a raise, so i started looking for a new job, and i found one that pays much better and has far better benefits, the only drawback is that i have to wait for my security clearance to go through, so i may not be able to put in my 2 weeks notice for another month or two.
i feel kind of guilty because my manager is a genuinely nice person, but at the same time, i can't turn down this job because it is better in almost every conceivable way.
would i be the asshole for putting in my 2 weeks notice after he had given me a bonus?
&#x200b;
p.s. : one thing to note, is that i currently work for a large company, so it's not like i would be putting financial strain on it by accepting the $400, i just feel guilty that i'd be leaving my manager with fewer dependable people after he had made a conscious effort to make me happier here.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e06vjc/wibta_for_putting_in_my_2_weeks_notice_after/
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2019-11-22 20:33:03
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nta. you wanted a raise, so instead he gave you $400? don't accept a small one-time "bonus" in lieu of actually getting paid fairly for the work you do.
your manager may be a nice guy, but i guarantee you that his top priority is the business and his pay. don't make their business and your bosses pay your priority, too.
also, if your boss wants more dependable people, then he needs to pay a fair amount for them. not your fault he doesn't do that.
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nah
that's not how employment works buddy. you found a better paying job that you're interested in. go get it.
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nta - if your company decided that firing you was best for their bottom line, they'd do it without hesitation. you do what's best for you; no one else is going to look out for you, so you have to look out for yourself.
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nta. you earned that bonus based on previous performance. whether you stay or leave that’s your money so don’t feel bad.
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nta. a bonus is a cheap way of not giving a raise. i’d make it clear when giving your notice that although you appreciated the bonus, a raise ultimately is what you needed to improve your quality of life and afford your needs outside of work. wish him the best and move on.
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nta it’s nice your manager tried to accommodate you but you have to follow your opportunities. i’m sure your manager will understand
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nta - its work and your thinking is nice but its just a job. everyone is replacable and jobhopping is common. if they ever think they can replace you, they will do the same if they think it is needed. so just go for the new experience!
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nta
you don't owe your current employer anything, even giving two weeks notice is a courtesy not a requirement. take the new job. if your manager can't understand why you would leave for an apparently much better job he isn't as genuinely nice as you think he is.
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nah. you don't have to feel guilty for doing what's financially best for you. my company gives out a big holiday bonus at the end of the year, and virtually everyone who's quit since i've been here leaves in january right after collecting the bonus. you earned the bonus. since you were denied a raise, clearly you can see your continued loyalty won't benefit you.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i asked my manager 2 months ago for a raise because i wasn't happy with making the same amount as my coworkers who regularly are far less productive than me, and far less qualified. today, i found out that he gave me a $400 bonus onto my check. when i asked him initially, it didn't sound like anything was going to come out of me asking for a raise, so i started looking for a new job, and i found one that pays much better and has far better benefits, the only drawback is that i have to wait for my security clearance to go through, so i may not be able to put in my 2 weeks notice for another month or two. i feel kind of guilty because my manager is a genuinely nice person, but at the same time, i can't turn down this job because it is better in almost every conceivable way. would i be the asshole for putting in my 2 weeks notice after he had given me a bonus? &#x200b; p.s. : one thing to note, is that i currently work for a large company, so it's not like i would be putting financial strain on it by accepting the $400, i just feel guilty that i'd be leaving my manager with fewer dependable people after he had made a conscious effort to make me happier here.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i asked my manager 2 months ago for a raise because i wasn't happy with making the same amount as my coworkers who regularly are far less productive than me, and far less qualified. today, i found out that he gave me a $400 bonus onto my check. when i asked him initially, it didn't sound like anything was going to come out of me asking for a raise, so i started looking for a new job, and i found one that pays much better and has far better benefits, the only drawback is that i have to wait for my security clearance to go through, so i may not be able to put in my 2 weeks notice for another month or two. i feel kind of guilty because my manager is a genuinely nice person, but at the same time, i can't turn down this job because it is better in almost every conceivable way. would i be the asshole for putting in my 2 weeks notice after he had given me a bonus? &#x200b; p.s. : one thing to note, is that i currently work for a large company, so it's not like i would be putting financial strain on it by accepting the $400, i just feel guilty that i'd be leaving my manager with fewer dependable people after he had made a conscious effort to make me happier here. [/INST] nta. you wanted a raise, so instead he gave you $400? don't accept a small one-time "bonus" in lieu of actually getting paid fairly for the work you do. your manager may be a nice guy, but i guarantee you that his top priority is the business and his pay. don't make their business and your bosses pay your priority, too. also, if your boss wants more dependable people, then he needs to pay a fair amount for them. not your fault he doesn't do that. </s>
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AITA For losing weight and making my friend “look bad”
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hello! long time lurker, but never had anything had anything to post until now. i’m 18m and my friend is 19m who we’ll call ef, or entitled friend. we’re both on the autism spectrum but we’re both lower down on it if that makes any sense.
now i’ve never been overweight and neither is my friend that i know of. but i’ve never been confident in my appearance so i’ve always struggled with that. my highest was 245 and i’m down to 216. when quarantine started i decided to take advantage of the time at home and kinda set up a makeshift home gym in my bedroom. i worked out everyday and cut down on the stuff i ate. i also started playing video games a lot less and i feel like that’s helped me a lot. now my friend on the other hand never put down the controller (exaggerating of course) but you know what i mean. as far as i know he doesn’t exercise either and eats a lot.
now when i first started to lose weight i was happy. when i got online and told my friends they were happy for me except ef. he didn’t seem too excited, sad if anything. so i talked to him in private and i asked what was going on. he lost someone very close to him and has those days where he misses her a lot, so i figured he was having one of those days and if he want to talk about it. but he said that wasn’t it, he said that he was kinda disappointed in me. i was confused, but before i could ask why, he left.
so i continued on with my weight lost journey and eventually got down to 220lbs before the new year! i had a couple bumps along the way but i still did it! on new year’s eve, ef called and asked if i wanted to hop on with him, i said i couldn’t because i was working out. i told him my progress and he got pissed with me. he asked why am i trying to make him look bad. i again, was confused and asked what he meant. he said i was just trying to lose the weight to make him look bad and take all the attention away from him. i said that’s not all what i’m doing. i don’t like the way i look so i’m loosing weight to feel more confident in my own body. he got even more pissed at that saying, “oh so you’re just being selfish now huh. i can’t believe how terrible of a friend you’re being right now!” i just hung up, i couldn’t believe it, why would anyone react like that? i sat there contemplating wether i was really in the wrong for that. i’ve gotten reassurance from a lot of people including other friends and family, but i still don’t know.
so tell me, aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lypqm9/aita_for_losing_weight_and_making_my_friend_look/
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2021-03-06 00:21:33
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nta,if anything ef is one.he seems to think he needs to always be the center of everyones attention.
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nta. congratulations on your weight loss! i’m glad you have good people around your to offer reassurance and support.
do not feel bad for the jealousy that he has. that is something that he needs to deal with himself.
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nta. real friends applaud each other's achievements.
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nta. you are allowed to be proud of your hard work and discipline. weight loss journeys can be long and winding so ef shouldn’t feel so guilty about not being at the same place as you.
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nta lmaoooooo how self-centered
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nta at all! and congratulations on the weight loss! keep up the good work! you can do it!
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nta, op you will find that people become comfortable with their perspective of you, so when you change something, some people will have a negative response even to a positive change. they will fight you every step of the way and even actively sabotage you. they want you to remain exactly how you are and how they want you to be. maybe distance yourself from him for a while. keep up the good work! congratulations!
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello! long time lurker, but never had anything had anything to post until now. i’m 18m and my friend is 19m who we’ll call ef, or entitled friend. we’re both on the autism spectrum but we’re both lower down on it if that makes any sense. now i’ve never been overweight and neither is my friend that i know of. but i’ve never been confident in my appearance so i’ve always struggled with that. my highest was 245 and i’m down to 216. when quarantine started i decided to take advantage of the time at home and kinda set up a makeshift home gym in my bedroom. i worked out everyday and cut down on the stuff i ate. i also started playing video games a lot less and i feel like that’s helped me a lot. now my friend on the other hand never put down the controller (exaggerating of course) but you know what i mean. as far as i know he doesn’t exercise either and eats a lot. now when i first started to lose weight i was happy. when i got online and told my friends they were happy for me except ef. he didn’t seem too excited, sad if anything. so i talked to him in private and i asked what was going on. he lost someone very close to him and has those days where he misses her a lot, so i figured he was having one of those days and if he want to talk about it. but he said that wasn’t it, he said that he was kinda disappointed in me. i was confused, but before i could ask why, he left. so i continued on with my weight lost journey and eventually got down to 220lbs before the new year! i had a couple bumps along the way but i still did it! on new year’s eve, ef called and asked if i wanted to hop on with him, i said i couldn’t because i was working out. i told him my progress and he got pissed with me. he asked why am i trying to make him look bad. i again, was confused and asked what he meant. he said i was just trying to lose the weight to make him look bad and take all the attention away from him. i said that’s not all what i’m doing. i don’t like the way i look so i’m loosing weight to feel more confident in my own body. he got even more pissed at that saying, “oh so you’re just being selfish now huh. i can’t believe how terrible of a friend you’re being right now!” i just hung up, i couldn’t believe it, why would anyone react like that? i sat there contemplating wether i was really in the wrong for that. i’ve gotten reassurance from a lot of people including other friends and family, but i still don’t know. so tell me, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello! long time lurker, but never had anything had anything to post until now. i’m 18m and my friend is 19m who we’ll call ef, or entitled friend. we’re both on the autism spectrum but we’re both lower down on it if that makes any sense. now i’ve never been overweight and neither is my friend that i know of. but i’ve never been confident in my appearance so i’ve always struggled with that. my highest was 245 and i’m down to 216. when quarantine started i decided to take advantage of the time at home and kinda set up a makeshift home gym in my bedroom. i worked out everyday and cut down on the stuff i ate. i also started playing video games a lot less and i feel like that’s helped me a lot. now my friend on the other hand never put down the controller (exaggerating of course) but you know what i mean. as far as i know he doesn’t exercise either and eats a lot. now when i first started to lose weight i was happy. when i got online and told my friends they were happy for me except ef. he didn’t seem too excited, sad if anything. so i talked to him in private and i asked what was going on. he lost someone very close to him and has those days where he misses her a lot, so i figured he was having one of those days and if he want to talk about it. but he said that wasn’t it, he said that he was kinda disappointed in me. i was confused, but before i could ask why, he left. so i continued on with my weight lost journey and eventually got down to 220lbs before the new year! i had a couple bumps along the way but i still did it! on new year’s eve, ef called and asked if i wanted to hop on with him, i said i couldn’t because i was working out. i told him my progress and he got pissed with me. he asked why am i trying to make him look bad. i again, was confused and asked what he meant. he said i was just trying to lose the weight to make him look bad and take all the attention away from him. i said that’s not all what i’m doing. i don’t like the way i look so i’m loosing weight to feel more confident in my own body. he got even more pissed at that saying, “oh so you’re just being selfish now huh. i can’t believe how terrible of a friend you’re being right now!” i just hung up, i couldn’t believe it, why would anyone react like that? i sat there contemplating wether i was really in the wrong for that. i’ve gotten reassurance from a lot of people including other friends and family, but i still don’t know. so tell me, aita? [/INST] nta,if anything ef is one.he seems to think he needs to always be the center of everyones attention. </s>
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WIBTA if I moved to another state with my kids without telling my soon to be ex-husband?
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this is going to very long and i’ll try to be as clear as possible; i’m on mobile so please excuse the format.
i have been with my so for 6 years. we both have a child from a separate relationship (9m for so, my son is 7m) and 2 girls together. i’m 28f and so is 32m.
my so and i starting dating and quickly got married within the year.
we had his son 9m 50/50 for 3 years. his bm moved away without their son 9m and he was with us for 2 years 100% of the time. she visited once a month for a day. he still paid child support because we couldn’t afford to go back to court to get custody changed. this caused a lot of fights. i have always made more than my so and i always took care of our house bills. we did not combine our finances because i felt like it didn’t feel like we were in it together at times so therefore i never felt comfortable combining finances.
when we finally went back to court because we could afford it, bm got very upset and took our son 9m and we have only seen him once every 2 weeks. he has changed a lot and he’s not the same kid we had. he is now very rude, lazy, and can be very mean to my son 7m and doesn’t acknowledge our daughters.
this has caused even more fights. my so has never been a hands on parent unless 9m is with us. i will drop off the kids at daycare/school. i do pick up. i went to school events. i got them home, did dinner, shower, bedtime routines. we both work a 8-5 job so it wasn’t time constraints, he just never did anything.
i finally got a better paying job and he still is making the same amount when we got together. i am making double what i was making when we first met.
i feel very taken advantage of and i feel like he is holding me back.
i want to purchase a car but he refuses to (and i haven’t done it out of respect) because he wants to pay off his $5000 credit card first.
i feel like if i were to move (i can work from anywhere; it’s a remote position), if he just wasn’t in my life, i would be happier.
i already feel like a single mother.
wibta if i just got up and moved with my kids to another state? if i were to do this, i would definitely file the divorce papers. if i didn’t... i guess we’d be together for the kids and just hope for the best.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6rkuv/wibta_if_i_moved_to_another_state_with_my_kids/
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2019-12-06 01:46:46
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yta you know that shit is probably illegal
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yta. i don't know if you have spoken to your husband about how you feel, and given him a chance to turn things around, or if you just flat out are not interested in being married to him anymore. either way, you absolutely can not just take someone's children and leave.
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[removed]
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yta - kidnapping is a crime.
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yta and a court might very well block the move.
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yta. what you're planning on doing is called kidnapping and is highly illegal!
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yta. you're wanting to take two of his kids with you to a different state and not notify or talk to him about it beforehand. i'm not sure of the legalities of the whole situation, but what a shitty thing to do. also curious, is that credit card balance from purchases made for the family or his own hobbies? have you even tried talking to him about your issues in a constructive way?
either way, you have every right to leave, and if you resent him for not making more of an effort, that's fine too. however, taking the kids across state lines and away from their father is just insane and a terrible thing to do to your daughters and husband.
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obviously yta. move kids away just cuz?
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you need to talk to a lawyer first and check into the laws of your state. this is a lawyer question.
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esh - i'm a single father w custody of my 2 daughters since i have a solid career, house, etc while my ex-wife is a musician w sketchy finances. she chose to move outta state when the girls were still in elementary school. now mind you i never bad-mouthed her to the girls, but i thought it was a dick move and unnecessarily separated the girls from their mother for long periods of time. if you're gonna divorce him just relocate in-state to allow for proper visitation w your 2 daughters and their father.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
ESH
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is going to very long and i’ll try to be as clear as possible; i’m on mobile so please excuse the format. i have been with my so for 6 years. we both have a child from a separate relationship (9m for so, my son is 7m) and 2 girls together. i’m 28f and so is 32m. my so and i starting dating and quickly got married within the year. we had his son 9m 50/50 for 3 years. his bm moved away without their son 9m and he was with us for 2 years 100% of the time. she visited once a month for a day. he still paid child support because we couldn’t afford to go back to court to get custody changed. this caused a lot of fights. i have always made more than my so and i always took care of our house bills. we did not combine our finances because i felt like it didn’t feel like we were in it together at times so therefore i never felt comfortable combining finances. when we finally went back to court because we could afford it, bm got very upset and took our son 9m and we have only seen him once every 2 weeks. he has changed a lot and he’s not the same kid we had. he is now very rude, lazy, and can be very mean to my son 7m and doesn’t acknowledge our daughters. this has caused even more fights. my so has never been a hands on parent unless 9m is with us. i will drop off the kids at daycare/school. i do pick up. i went to school events. i got them home, did dinner, shower, bedtime routines. we both work a 8-5 job so it wasn’t time constraints, he just never did anything. i finally got a better paying job and he still is making the same amount when we got together. i am making double what i was making when we first met. i feel very taken advantage of and i feel like he is holding me back. i want to purchase a car but he refuses to (and i haven’t done it out of respect) because he wants to pay off his $5000 credit card first. i feel like if i were to move (i can work from anywhere; it’s a remote position), if he just wasn’t in my life, i would be happier. i already feel like a single mother. wibta if i just got up and moved with my kids to another state? if i were to do this, i would definitely file the divorce papers. if i didn’t... i guess we’d be together for the kids and just hope for the best.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is going to very long and i’ll try to be as clear as possible; i’m on mobile so please excuse the format. i have been with my so for 6 years. we both have a child from a separate relationship (9m for so, my son is 7m) and 2 girls together. i’m 28f and so is 32m. my so and i starting dating and quickly got married within the year. we had his son 9m 50/50 for 3 years. his bm moved away without their son 9m and he was with us for 2 years 100% of the time. she visited once a month for a day. he still paid child support because we couldn’t afford to go back to court to get custody changed. this caused a lot of fights. i have always made more than my so and i always took care of our house bills. we did not combine our finances because i felt like it didn’t feel like we were in it together at times so therefore i never felt comfortable combining finances. when we finally went back to court because we could afford it, bm got very upset and took our son 9m and we have only seen him once every 2 weeks. he has changed a lot and he’s not the same kid we had. he is now very rude, lazy, and can be very mean to my son 7m and doesn’t acknowledge our daughters. this has caused even more fights. my so has never been a hands on parent unless 9m is with us. i will drop off the kids at daycare/school. i do pick up. i went to school events. i got them home, did dinner, shower, bedtime routines. we both work a 8-5 job so it wasn’t time constraints, he just never did anything. i finally got a better paying job and he still is making the same amount when we got together. i am making double what i was making when we first met. i feel very taken advantage of and i feel like he is holding me back. i want to purchase a car but he refuses to (and i haven’t done it out of respect) because he wants to pay off his $5000 credit card first. i feel like if i were to move (i can work from anywhere; it’s a remote position), if he just wasn’t in my life, i would be happier. i already feel like a single mother. wibta if i just got up and moved with my kids to another state? if i were to do this, i would definitely file the divorce papers. if i didn’t... i guess we’d be together for the kids and just hope for the best. [/INST] yta you know that shit is probably illegal </s>
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AITA for telling my cousin she was being a little asshole for not sharing toys with her stepsister/ my step cousin?
|
my uncle remarried a sweet lady 2 years ago who has a daughter, 13. let’s call her rosie. rosie is very small, nervous, doesn’t talk much, and only speaks (whispers really) to me because we both have hispanic mothers so we have something in common. she is *extremely* shy.
my other cousin, my uncles daughter, is 14, boisterous, used to being the center of attention, kind of a spoiled brat and because she has blonde hair and blue eyes, she’s literally everyone’s favorite. her name can be laura.
i am 18 and for whatever dumb reason i’m seen as the ‘cool’ older cousin because i’m the eldest.
we were at my grandmas house and laura had bought over from her moms place this holographic unicorn encrusted monstrosity of a toy. it basically is a jewelry maker that has little stations of beads, clasps, holographic phrases like ‘whatever’, rhinestone unicorn charms etc, just something that would appeal to a lot of young teenagers. i can’t lie even i was like ooh can i make myself a lil bracelet. super cheap crap but something fun to pass the time, you know?
so laura was lording over this toy and basically saying ‘well maria, (that’s me), you can have one, and so can our 8 year old cousin, and so can x and y’. she purposefully excluded rosie, her stepsister, who was sitting right there and was looking hopefully at this jewelry station wanting to also make her own. she made a production of handing out beads to everyone except rosie.
i said hey laura you bought it over, that means everybody gets to play. she started to huff and said i don’t want rosie to use my stuff. i said well in that case i don’t wanna play either if rosie can’t play.
rosie looked absolutely mortified, and laura immediately got upset saying but maria i want you to have a bracelet, come make stuff with me, etc. i said sorry, either all of us share or i’m sitting out with rosie. i ended up sitting next to her and we played some games on my phone while everyone else made bracelets.
eventually her dad came by and laura immediately started telling her dad that rosie was trying to play with her stuff etc. i grew pissed off because rosie had literally not even uttered a squeak while laura had been lording her jewelry over everyone. so i said uh, no. laura was being a little asshole refusing to share with rosie, she has done literally nothing wrong and has sat here quietly for the past half hour.
her dad ended up taking the toy away because she wasn’t sharing, and i got a phone call from my aunt (laura’s mom) chewing my ear off about how i’m a lame cousin.
my grandma has been shooting me dirty looks too because laura is the favorite but tbh i felt like my cousin was being a bully and i freaking hate bullies
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/exesrd/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_she_was_being_a_little/
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2020-02-01 23:37:21
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nta and i might love you a little. way to go standing up for rosie. this is why you're the cool older cousin, right there.
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nta - the world needs more people like you and while rosie might not have said anything she'll remember your kind act for a very long time!
keep being you! :)
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nta- at 14 she’s old enough to share and be called an asshole. she and her mom need to grow up
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nta. it sounds like no one ever stands up to laura or defends rosie, which is bullshit.
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nta for sure. it sounds like rosie could use someone on her side, and you were absolutely in the right to stand up for her.
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nta - the parents are total assholes and so is laura who’s allowed to bully her stepsons because she’s light. am sure everyone will be shocked when rosie as an adult doesn’t have much to do with them. shocked i tell you!
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my uncle remarried a sweet lady 2 years ago who has a daughter, 13. let’s call her rosie. rosie is very small, nervous, doesn’t talk much, and only speaks (whispers really) to me because we both have hispanic mothers so we have something in common. she is *extremely* shy. my other cousin, my uncles daughter, is 14, boisterous, used to being the center of attention, kind of a spoiled brat and because she has blonde hair and blue eyes, she’s literally everyone’s favorite. her name can be laura. i am 18 and for whatever dumb reason i’m seen as the ‘cool’ older cousin because i’m the eldest. we were at my grandmas house and laura had bought over from her moms place this holographic unicorn encrusted monstrosity of a toy. it basically is a jewelry maker that has little stations of beads, clasps, holographic phrases like ‘whatever’, rhinestone unicorn charms etc, just something that would appeal to a lot of young teenagers. i can’t lie even i was like ooh can i make myself a lil bracelet. super cheap crap but something fun to pass the time, you know? so laura was lording over this toy and basically saying ‘well maria, (that’s me), you can have one, and so can our 8 year old cousin, and so can x and y’. she purposefully excluded rosie, her stepsister, who was sitting right there and was looking hopefully at this jewelry station wanting to also make her own. she made a production of handing out beads to everyone except rosie. i said hey laura you bought it over, that means everybody gets to play. she started to huff and said i don’t want rosie to use my stuff. i said well in that case i don’t wanna play either if rosie can’t play. rosie looked absolutely mortified, and laura immediately got upset saying but maria i want you to have a bracelet, come make stuff with me, etc. i said sorry, either all of us share or i’m sitting out with rosie. i ended up sitting next to her and we played some games on my phone while everyone else made bracelets. eventually her dad came by and laura immediately started telling her dad that rosie was trying to play with her stuff etc. i grew pissed off because rosie had literally not even uttered a squeak while laura had been lording her jewelry over everyone. so i said uh, no. laura was being a little asshole refusing to share with rosie, she has done literally nothing wrong and has sat here quietly for the past half hour. her dad ended up taking the toy away because she wasn’t sharing, and i got a phone call from my aunt (laura’s mom) chewing my ear off about how i’m a lame cousin. my grandma has been shooting me dirty looks too because laura is the favorite but tbh i felt like my cousin was being a bully and i freaking hate bullies
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my uncle remarried a sweet lady 2 years ago who has a daughter, 13. let’s call her rosie. rosie is very small, nervous, doesn’t talk much, and only speaks (whispers really) to me because we both have hispanic mothers so we have something in common. she is *extremely* shy. my other cousin, my uncles daughter, is 14, boisterous, used to being the center of attention, kind of a spoiled brat and because she has blonde hair and blue eyes, she’s literally everyone’s favorite. her name can be laura. i am 18 and for whatever dumb reason i’m seen as the ‘cool’ older cousin because i’m the eldest. we were at my grandmas house and laura had bought over from her moms place this holographic unicorn encrusted monstrosity of a toy. it basically is a jewelry maker that has little stations of beads, clasps, holographic phrases like ‘whatever’, rhinestone unicorn charms etc, just something that would appeal to a lot of young teenagers. i can’t lie even i was like ooh can i make myself a lil bracelet. super cheap crap but something fun to pass the time, you know? so laura was lording over this toy and basically saying ‘well maria, (that’s me), you can have one, and so can our 8 year old cousin, and so can x and y’. she purposefully excluded rosie, her stepsister, who was sitting right there and was looking hopefully at this jewelry station wanting to also make her own. she made a production of handing out beads to everyone except rosie. i said hey laura you bought it over, that means everybody gets to play. she started to huff and said i don’t want rosie to use my stuff. i said well in that case i don’t wanna play either if rosie can’t play. rosie looked absolutely mortified, and laura immediately got upset saying but maria i want you to have a bracelet, come make stuff with me, etc. i said sorry, either all of us share or i’m sitting out with rosie. i ended up sitting next to her and we played some games on my phone while everyone else made bracelets. eventually her dad came by and laura immediately started telling her dad that rosie was trying to play with her stuff etc. i grew pissed off because rosie had literally not even uttered a squeak while laura had been lording her jewelry over everyone. so i said uh, no. laura was being a little asshole refusing to share with rosie, she has done literally nothing wrong and has sat here quietly for the past half hour. her dad ended up taking the toy away because she wasn’t sharing, and i got a phone call from my aunt (laura’s mom) chewing my ear off about how i’m a lame cousin. my grandma has been shooting me dirty looks too because laura is the favorite but tbh i felt like my cousin was being a bully and i freaking hate bullies [/INST] nta and i might love you a little. way to go standing up for rosie. this is why you're the cool older cousin, right there. </s>
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AITA for wanting my sister to cook?
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i (f18) live with my parents and my little sister (f14). our parents both work afternoon/nights so it’s usually just the two of us home on our own. before my mom leaves for work she’ll usually cook something for my sister and i to eat for dinner so we don’t have to order in. my sister lately has taken up cooking and has been making a bunch of new food though.
truthfully she cooks better than my mom so i usually just eat what she makes. my mom learned of this and told my sister to cook for me if i got hungry. my sister agreed and has been cooking for me almost everyday. when i was hungry yesterday i went to the kitchen and saw my mom didn’t make anything so i went to ask my sister if she would be cooking for us.
she said she was tired and didn’t really feel like cooking. i didn’t understand why she said that when she basically just stayed in bed all day so i asked if she could just cook for me since that was easier. she said no again and got a little huffy and told me to leave her alone. i left her room and called my dad and told him she didn’t want to cook and asked if he could order me food.
he said he would call me back in a second and hung up. a few minutes later my sister comes storming out of her room asking why i told our dad she didn’t want to cook for me. turns out after he hung up he called her and told her to cook for me or else she’d get in trouble. she hates getting in trouble so that line always works on her. i asked what she would be making and she yelled at me and said she wasn’t going to cook and that if i was so hungry to just cook for myself.
i hate cooking it’s hard and things get greasy easy and i always get hurt. it’s because of this i wanted my sister to cook for me because she’s more experienced and the food she makes would taste better. i told her she knew i hated cooking so why would i do it and that since she’s been cooking for me almost everyday she should be used to it and just do it.
she called me an ah and slammed her door and didn’t come out for the rest of the night. am i really the ah here? i was just hungry and asked nicely if she could cook and she just blew up at me.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ple6sm/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_cook/
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2021-09-10 04:41:21
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yta, don't be so lazy and learn how to cook
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you're an adult expecting a child to do something for you everyday. you stopped seeing it as a treat and a gift and felt entitled to her labor.
my family runs a restaurant but we don't expect my brothers to cook for every holiday.
if you're hungry make a sandwich. order a pizza instead of demanding a 14 year old be your personal chef.
yta.
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yta . you hate cooking because it’s hard, but your sister wanting a day off to rest is unacceptable? she’s not your personal chef. either make yourself a cheese sandwich or microwaved hotdogs or pay for your own takeout
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yta
cook for yourself, or start getting used to being hungry.
you are 18. you're an adult. look after yourself like one and stop trying to get your younger sister to be your slave.
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yeah yta, your sister isn't your servant chef. she experienced the brief excitement and joy of a new hobby, that didn't turn her into your family's permanent personal chef. you're seriously an adult, and you called your father to snitch on your 14 year old sister because she wouldn't cook for you. wth is a matter with you?
make a sandwich.
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you're 18 and can't cook anything?! you're almost an adult and you rely on your sister who's a child to cook for you? how immature
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yta. please tell me you are a troll and not really an adult expecting a young teen to be their slave and cook for them at their whim. she does *not* have to cook for you. no means no. then instead of being an adult and fending for yourself you complain to your parents who force the young teen to cook. i'm sorry but there is absolutely no way you and/or your parents are not the ah.
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yta - you are 18; level up your skills in cooking, time management and communication. you need to step up your game. your sister does not have to cook for you nor should your parent need to order you food. create a weekly meal plan and shop so these items are available. throw in a few super easy quick meals.
change your interaction with you sister and be pleasant. this may lead to being partners in cooking which can also feed your parents. wouldn't it feel great to care for others and meet your needs too?! you got this.
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yta- you are 18. learn to live life. don’t want to cook or do not know how to? order out! don’t force your 14 year old sister to be your personal chef.
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yta. you’re not entitled to your sister cooking for you. your sister is more experienced/better at cooking than you because she took the time to learn how to cook, which you are just as capable of doing. your dad is also ta for forcing your sister to cook for you.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f18) live with my parents and my little sister (f14). our parents both work afternoon/nights so it’s usually just the two of us home on our own. before my mom leaves for work she’ll usually cook something for my sister and i to eat for dinner so we don’t have to order in. my sister lately has taken up cooking and has been making a bunch of new food though. truthfully she cooks better than my mom so i usually just eat what she makes. my mom learned of this and told my sister to cook for me if i got hungry. my sister agreed and has been cooking for me almost everyday. when i was hungry yesterday i went to the kitchen and saw my mom didn’t make anything so i went to ask my sister if she would be cooking for us. she said she was tired and didn’t really feel like cooking. i didn’t understand why she said that when she basically just stayed in bed all day so i asked if she could just cook for me since that was easier. she said no again and got a little huffy and told me to leave her alone. i left her room and called my dad and told him she didn’t want to cook and asked if he could order me food. he said he would call me back in a second and hung up. a few minutes later my sister comes storming out of her room asking why i told our dad she didn’t want to cook for me. turns out after he hung up he called her and told her to cook for me or else she’d get in trouble. she hates getting in trouble so that line always works on her. i asked what she would be making and she yelled at me and said she wasn’t going to cook and that if i was so hungry to just cook for myself. i hate cooking it’s hard and things get greasy easy and i always get hurt. it’s because of this i wanted my sister to cook for me because she’s more experienced and the food she makes would taste better. i told her she knew i hated cooking so why would i do it and that since she’s been cooking for me almost everyday she should be used to it and just do it. she called me an ah and slammed her door and didn’t come out for the rest of the night. am i really the ah here? i was just hungry and asked nicely if she could cook and she just blew up at me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f18) live with my parents and my little sister (f14). our parents both work afternoon/nights so it’s usually just the two of us home on our own. before my mom leaves for work she’ll usually cook something for my sister and i to eat for dinner so we don’t have to order in. my sister lately has taken up cooking and has been making a bunch of new food though. truthfully she cooks better than my mom so i usually just eat what she makes. my mom learned of this and told my sister to cook for me if i got hungry. my sister agreed and has been cooking for me almost everyday. when i was hungry yesterday i went to the kitchen and saw my mom didn’t make anything so i went to ask my sister if she would be cooking for us. she said she was tired and didn’t really feel like cooking. i didn’t understand why she said that when she basically just stayed in bed all day so i asked if she could just cook for me since that was easier. she said no again and got a little huffy and told me to leave her alone. i left her room and called my dad and told him she didn’t want to cook and asked if he could order me food. he said he would call me back in a second and hung up. a few minutes later my sister comes storming out of her room asking why i told our dad she didn’t want to cook for me. turns out after he hung up he called her and told her to cook for me or else she’d get in trouble. she hates getting in trouble so that line always works on her. i asked what she would be making and she yelled at me and said she wasn’t going to cook and that if i was so hungry to just cook for myself. i hate cooking it’s hard and things get greasy easy and i always get hurt. it’s because of this i wanted my sister to cook for me because she’s more experienced and the food she makes would taste better. i told her she knew i hated cooking so why would i do it and that since she’s been cooking for me almost everyday she should be used to it and just do it. she called me an ah and slammed her door and didn’t come out for the rest of the night. am i really the ah here? i was just hungry and asked nicely if she could cook and she just blew up at me. [/INST] yta, don't be so lazy and learn how to cook </s>
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AITA for refusing to stay with my dad
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for context i’m 16, both parents are in mid 40’s
my parents separated when i was 11, having an on and off relationship until my mum met her boyfriend. dad met his girlfriend (now wife) and i live between them.
my step-mum has never liked me and frankly i didn’t mind her at first but now she’s just annoying; bad mouthing my mum to my dad in front of me, talks about how her daughter doesn’t like her and she’s jealous of my relationship with my mum because her daughter doesn’t like her lol. my step-sister is chill tho, we aren’t close but we get along as we like some similar things.
my dad never stops my step-mum from bad mouthing me, accusing me of stuff i don’t do etc, and this has caused a riff between me and my dad but as well as my mum. mum had a semi-decent good relationship with my dad for co-parenting but when she heard what my step-mother has been saying, she flipped, confronted him and now i stay with her 5/7 days a week. (custody of me is 90% to my mum and 10% to my dad)
what caused me to not want to stay at my dads anymore was the wicked-witch of the east decided to accuse me of stealing my step-sister’s art supplies, because i had the same ones as her, (my dad gave us the same gift for christmas) and had me pay her daughter “back” for taking it.
now that i live with my mum mostly, my dad is upset and is not talking to me anymore and only communicates to me through my step-sister but i don’t care and told him i won’t stay with him anymore if his wife doesn’t apologise.
now my paternal grandparents are mad at me and also won’t speak to me and calling me a “selfish brat of a granddaughter who disrespects her step-mother.” whilst chatting shit about her too.
so am i the asshole for this?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1drhp/aita_for_refusing_to_stay_with_my_dad/
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2022-10-11 16:40:52
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nta
respect needs to be mutual.
block all the ahs and ignore them.
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how dare you want to live with the parent that fights for you and cares for you instead of letting their partner talk crap about you and refuses to talk to you like they're the immature one.
nta. i'm glad you've got one parent that has your back!
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nta.
your dad is the jerk in this scenario. his job as a dad is to protect you. he should be standing up for you and having talks with his wife to not talk anything bad about your mom. its not her place to say anything bad especially in front of you. she also should not be accusing you of anything without proof. in all honesty, it sounds like you are upset but handling it perfectly. your step-mom is not treating you well at all, your dad sits and watches without standing up for you, so you corrected the problem and now live with your mom and have gone no contact.
personally, i think you should stay no contact with your dad and grandparents. when they do reach out to you tell your dad that other girls can turn to their dad for help and protection and you cannot because your step mom attacks you by accusing you of stuff you didn't do and instead of standing up for you he stood up for her so he obviously cares for her more and yo not being around should not be an issue. your grandparents, tell them that normal grandparents adore their grandkids, they do not take the 2nd wife's word over their grand kids without any proof just empty, false accusations.
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nta. protect yourself and your mental health first, because this might not be the end of it. i would not want to stay with your dad anymore either. good luck and all the best to you.
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nta
your dad and stepmom are major ahs. he does not have your best interest at heart. he needs to stand up for you instead of condoning behavior that causes you harm. and your grandparents are no better! they’re all horrible people and i’m glad you get to stay with your mom majority of the time
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context i’m 16, both parents are in mid 40’s my parents separated when i was 11, having an on and off relationship until my mum met her boyfriend. dad met his girlfriend (now wife) and i live between them. my step-mum has never liked me and frankly i didn’t mind her at first but now she’s just annoying; bad mouthing my mum to my dad in front of me, talks about how her daughter doesn’t like her and she’s jealous of my relationship with my mum because her daughter doesn’t like her lol. my step-sister is chill tho, we aren’t close but we get along as we like some similar things. my dad never stops my step-mum from bad mouthing me, accusing me of stuff i don’t do etc, and this has caused a riff between me and my dad but as well as my mum. mum had a semi-decent good relationship with my dad for co-parenting but when she heard what my step-mother has been saying, she flipped, confronted him and now i stay with her 5/7 days a week. (custody of me is 90% to my mum and 10% to my dad) what caused me to not want to stay at my dads anymore was the wicked-witch of the east decided to accuse me of stealing my step-sister’s art supplies, because i had the same ones as her, (my dad gave us the same gift for christmas) and had me pay her daughter “back” for taking it. now that i live with my mum mostly, my dad is upset and is not talking to me anymore and only communicates to me through my step-sister but i don’t care and told him i won’t stay with him anymore if his wife doesn’t apologise. now my paternal grandparents are mad at me and also won’t speak to me and calling me a “selfish brat of a granddaughter who disrespects her step-mother.” whilst chatting shit about her too. so am i the asshole for this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context i’m 16, both parents are in mid 40’s my parents separated when i was 11, having an on and off relationship until my mum met her boyfriend. dad met his girlfriend (now wife) and i live between them. my step-mum has never liked me and frankly i didn’t mind her at first but now she’s just annoying; bad mouthing my mum to my dad in front of me, talks about how her daughter doesn’t like her and she’s jealous of my relationship with my mum because her daughter doesn’t like her lol. my step-sister is chill tho, we aren’t close but we get along as we like some similar things. my dad never stops my step-mum from bad mouthing me, accusing me of stuff i don’t do etc, and this has caused a riff between me and my dad but as well as my mum. mum had a semi-decent good relationship with my dad for co-parenting but when she heard what my step-mother has been saying, she flipped, confronted him and now i stay with her 5/7 days a week. (custody of me is 90% to my mum and 10% to my dad) what caused me to not want to stay at my dads anymore was the wicked-witch of the east decided to accuse me of stealing my step-sister’s art supplies, because i had the same ones as her, (my dad gave us the same gift for christmas) and had me pay her daughter “back” for taking it. now that i live with my mum mostly, my dad is upset and is not talking to me anymore and only communicates to me through my step-sister but i don’t care and told him i won’t stay with him anymore if his wife doesn’t apologise. now my paternal grandparents are mad at me and also won’t speak to me and calling me a “selfish brat of a granddaughter who disrespects her step-mother.” whilst chatting shit about her too. so am i the asshole for this? [/INST] nta respect needs to be mutual. block all the ahs and ignore them. </s>
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AITA for snapping at my sister after she treated me badly?
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first time posting but i feel really bad and angry. me (20) and my sister (16) have a tense relationship. for context, we live in a very dysfunctional family, and things aren't the best rn. but something happened a while ago that made me wonder if i should have been the bigger person here...
i don't usually eat snacks in front of my family because my siblings are insensitive and comment on that a lot. they call me insatiable, mock the way i eat, complain i ate too much (even if i didn't even taste it yet) but my sister is the worst. she always jumps in to mock me or insert herself in a situation. i'd be eating and she'd tell me to shut up, to stop being noisy. i try my best but even the way i hold the spoon i get mocked for. and my parents don't comment, if i try to get them involved they say "she's a teenager, she's mean to everyone" but this is excessive.
we always argue because she's too blunt, mean and rude. i'm not allowed to make one noise around her, but she's allowed to laugh, play music and make noises such as snorting etc for fun. last week i had an exam, and i kept telling everyone to not make noise cause i barely had time and she kept coming in and laughing and snorting loudly, screaming, slamming things and smiling at me. anyways, after i finished my exam i went to eat something... i wanted chocolate so i took one spoonful of nutella and thats where she came in again. she looked me up and down and scoffed, and before she could comment i snapped at her and said something along the lines of "watch your own weight instead of ogling me", cursed her and we started fighting. mom said i should've been more nice, she just got home from a final, but i've had enough. she's been so mean and rude so much to me that this is nothing compared to what she said. am i the asshole for my comment?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kapz76/aita_for_snapping_at_my_sister_after_she_treated/
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2020-12-10 23:09:14
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nta.
personally, i think your parents suck for letting her treat you this way. obviously your sister is ta here.
maybe commenting on her weight is a little petty but you’re just giving her a taste of her own medicine.
good luck.
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nta at all,
in my opinion she kept on messing with you and constantly making comments, you can only hold your tongue for so long.
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nta. teenagers are mean, but your sister is going out of her way to instigate. she isn’t going to age out of the behavior if nobody disciplines her.
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nta. but you are the ah for letting her have a go at you for so long and you letting it slide. never do that. next time and everytime she tries to make any comment you come back with a snappy one. and if your parents don't like it tell them to back off as they are utterly incompetent for enabling her.
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nta
there is always a breaking point in situations like this, you just hit yours. the fact is the parents should be getting more involved. she needs to grow up and get a taste of her own medicine once in awhile, that will probably make her think twice.
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nta. sure, teenagers can be jerks, but did you act like that when you were a teenager? it doesn't sound like you did. i know i didn't act like that, because if i started to, my parents would have knocked me into the next room. she is 16, she is old enough to show manners and respect, and your parents have completely failed her in this. i hope you can move out soon, and let your parents live with the monster they created on their own.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: first time posting but i feel really bad and angry. me (20) and my sister (16) have a tense relationship. for context, we live in a very dysfunctional family, and things aren't the best rn. but something happened a while ago that made me wonder if i should have been the bigger person here... i don't usually eat snacks in front of my family because my siblings are insensitive and comment on that a lot. they call me insatiable, mock the way i eat, complain i ate too much (even if i didn't even taste it yet) but my sister is the worst. she always jumps in to mock me or insert herself in a situation. i'd be eating and she'd tell me to shut up, to stop being noisy. i try my best but even the way i hold the spoon i get mocked for. and my parents don't comment, if i try to get them involved they say "she's a teenager, she's mean to everyone" but this is excessive. we always argue because she's too blunt, mean and rude. i'm not allowed to make one noise around her, but she's allowed to laugh, play music and make noises such as snorting etc for fun. last week i had an exam, and i kept telling everyone to not make noise cause i barely had time and she kept coming in and laughing and snorting loudly, screaming, slamming things and smiling at me. anyways, after i finished my exam i went to eat something... i wanted chocolate so i took one spoonful of nutella and thats where she came in again. she looked me up and down and scoffed, and before she could comment i snapped at her and said something along the lines of "watch your own weight instead of ogling me", cursed her and we started fighting. mom said i should've been more nice, she just got home from a final, but i've had enough. she's been so mean and rude so much to me that this is nothing compared to what she said. am i the asshole for my comment?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
first time posting but i feel really bad and angry. me (20) and my sister (16) have a tense relationship. for context, we live in a very dysfunctional family, and things aren't the best rn. but something happened a while ago that made me wonder if i should have been the bigger person here... i don't usually eat snacks in front of my family because my siblings are insensitive and comment on that a lot. they call me insatiable, mock the way i eat, complain i ate too much (even if i didn't even taste it yet) but my sister is the worst. she always jumps in to mock me or insert herself in a situation. i'd be eating and she'd tell me to shut up, to stop being noisy. i try my best but even the way i hold the spoon i get mocked for. and my parents don't comment, if i try to get them involved they say "she's a teenager, she's mean to everyone" but this is excessive. we always argue because she's too blunt, mean and rude. i'm not allowed to make one noise around her, but she's allowed to laugh, play music and make noises such as snorting etc for fun. last week i had an exam, and i kept telling everyone to not make noise cause i barely had time and she kept coming in and laughing and snorting loudly, screaming, slamming things and smiling at me. anyways, after i finished my exam i went to eat something... i wanted chocolate so i took one spoonful of nutella and thats where she came in again. she looked me up and down and scoffed, and before she could comment i snapped at her and said something along the lines of "watch your own weight instead of ogling me", cursed her and we started fighting. mom said i should've been more nice, she just got home from a final, but i've had enough. she's been so mean and rude so much to me that this is nothing compared to what she said. am i the asshole for my comment? [/INST] nta. personally, i think your parents suck for letting her treat you this way. obviously your sister is ta here. maybe commenting on her weight is a little petty but you’re just giving her a taste of her own medicine. good luck. </s>
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AITA for avoiding all communication from a family who is milking a cancer diagnosis?
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so my cousin had her appendix removed, it was fairly close to bursting so they took her into emergency surgery. she came out fine, nothing special about the surgery. life went on.
the doctors tested the appendix, as they do i suppose, and they found cancerous cells. totally scary, absolutely so question, that is terrifying to hear.
the doctors and hospital continued to run tests, and discovered they had actually removed all the cancerous cells when they removed the appendix. they weren’t going to pop up anywhere else, the tests were conclusive of this.
she is constantly milking that she survived cancer, and how hard it’s been on her since the diagnosis. trying to get support from the cancer society. posting about it all over social media. really hammering home how she had cancer.
now, i’ve had a couple cancer scares, cervical and breast, got the all-clear and moved on. my mother had breast cancer - radiation, chemo the whole nine yards. then her father was diagnosed with prostate cancer - went through radiation and chemo too. she continues to act as though she survived the same thing. am i the asshole for thinking she’s an asshole? i haven’t confronted her about it but i actively avoid any direct contact unless absolutely necessary (a family funeral for example).
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2jm2w/aita_for_avoiding_all_communication_from_a_family/
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2019-09-11 03:05:40
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nta. i was so ready to say you’re ta based on the title, but holy cow your cousin is dramatic. if she made one or two mentions of it, ok. but constantly saying she survived cancer? that’s pretty offensive.
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nah - everyone deals with this kind of traumatic news differently.
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nta, sounds like she's attentionseeking and it minimizes what people who actually had to fight with, or have cancer are dealing with.
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nah. my bil just died of cancer and it was 2 years of pain and suffering (radiation, chemo etc). my dad has similar to what your cousin had just remove the cancer cells and that was it. both are tramautic but i can see how your family history makes you less empathetic to her situation. i can tell you my dad has to get tested for cancer every year and it is stressful. he had bladder cancer btw. i feel like if you dont want to hear about it dont. unfollow her on social media for the time being and avoid contact when you can.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.015625 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my cousin had her appendix removed, it was fairly close to bursting so they took her into emergency surgery. she came out fine, nothing special about the surgery. life went on. the doctors tested the appendix, as they do i suppose, and they found cancerous cells. totally scary, absolutely so question, that is terrifying to hear. the doctors and hospital continued to run tests, and discovered they had actually removed all the cancerous cells when they removed the appendix. they weren’t going to pop up anywhere else, the tests were conclusive of this. she is constantly milking that she survived cancer, and how hard it’s been on her since the diagnosis. trying to get support from the cancer society. posting about it all over social media. really hammering home how she had cancer. now, i’ve had a couple cancer scares, cervical and breast, got the all-clear and moved on. my mother had breast cancer - radiation, chemo the whole nine yards. then her father was diagnosed with prostate cancer - went through radiation and chemo too. she continues to act as though she survived the same thing. am i the asshole for thinking she’s an asshole? i haven’t confronted her about it but i actively avoid any direct contact unless absolutely necessary (a family funeral for example).
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my cousin had her appendix removed, it was fairly close to bursting so they took her into emergency surgery. she came out fine, nothing special about the surgery. life went on. the doctors tested the appendix, as they do i suppose, and they found cancerous cells. totally scary, absolutely so question, that is terrifying to hear. the doctors and hospital continued to run tests, and discovered they had actually removed all the cancerous cells when they removed the appendix. they weren’t going to pop up anywhere else, the tests were conclusive of this. she is constantly milking that she survived cancer, and how hard it’s been on her since the diagnosis. trying to get support from the cancer society. posting about it all over social media. really hammering home how she had cancer. now, i’ve had a couple cancer scares, cervical and breast, got the all-clear and moved on. my mother had breast cancer - radiation, chemo the whole nine yards. then her father was diagnosed with prostate cancer - went through radiation and chemo too. she continues to act as though she survived the same thing. am i the asshole for thinking she’s an asshole? i haven’t confronted her about it but i actively avoid any direct contact unless absolutely necessary (a family funeral for example). [/INST] nta. i was so ready to say you’re ta based on the title, but holy cow your cousin is dramatic. if she made one or two mentions of it, ok. but constantly saying she survived cancer? that’s pretty offensive. </s>
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WIBTA for going to my ex-girlfriends funeral?
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my ex and i were dating for 5 1/2 years. we met freshman year of college and dated throughout graduation, she then moved to her parents house in vt, i lived around 2 1/2 hours away in ny.
we had a really happy, healthy relationship. we never really argued, both our families adored each other, we were just right for each other. however, their came a point where she (i'll call jane) needed some time to grow. she wanted to work on her depression and try to get a stable job, then would hope we could get back together.
i loved her, and she loved me, so i supported whatever decision she made.
a few days ago one of my friends (who we went to college with) told me jane had died in a car accident.
i looked up online and saw her obituary, along with funeral arrangements. aside from the emotional trauma this has caused me, i want to see her one last time... i want to say goodbye one more time. but i don't know if its appropriate of me or not. i don't know if i should reach out to the family (who i have not really spoken to since mid 2020, including jane besides a an hour-ish phone call we had in july.
i just really do not want to anger her family or make them upset, wibta if i went to the funeral?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k1tc5e/wibta_for_going_to_my_exgirlfriends_funeral/
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2020-11-27 03:18:09
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nta — you lost her too, and you are perfectly within your rights to grieve her, even if you guys were no longer together. that being said, i would 100% make sure it’s okay with the family first, especially due to the current pandemic (depending on where you’re located).
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nta. you had a long term relationship with her. it is perfectly understandable that you'd be sad about her death. no one will fault you for that. go if you want to.
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nta. paying respects is always a cool guy move.
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it sounds like you were on relatively good terms and you shared a lot of your lives together. if this will help you in your grieving process, then i think it’s okay to go. maybe reach out to the family and ask if it’s okay, considering covid-19 restrictions and just to generally check on their feelings about it.
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nta. 5 1/2 years is a long chuck of time to have someone in your life. saying one last goodbye isn't too much to ask. as long as things did not end on awful terms, going to the funeral seems completely reasonable.
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nta - but it’s 2020 be sure that you verify the funeral is open to everyone.
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nah- i’m sorry for your loss. only you know what to do/what you need in this moment. you and jane had a lot of love and it doesnt sound like you left anything on bad terms. you deserve space to grieve as well as a chance to say a proper goodbye. if you really are unsure i think you should call ahead but i dont see why they would have a problem.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null | null | 0.001294 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex and i were dating for 5 1/2 years. we met freshman year of college and dated throughout graduation, she then moved to her parents house in vt, i lived around 2 1/2 hours away in ny. we had a really happy, healthy relationship. we never really argued, both our families adored each other, we were just right for each other. however, their came a point where she (i'll call jane) needed some time to grow. she wanted to work on her depression and try to get a stable job, then would hope we could get back together. i loved her, and she loved me, so i supported whatever decision she made. a few days ago one of my friends (who we went to college with) told me jane had died in a car accident. i looked up online and saw her obituary, along with funeral arrangements. aside from the emotional trauma this has caused me, i want to see her one last time... i want to say goodbye one more time. but i don't know if its appropriate of me or not. i don't know if i should reach out to the family (who i have not really spoken to since mid 2020, including jane besides a an hour-ish phone call we had in july. i just really do not want to anger her family or make them upset, wibta if i went to the funeral?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i were dating for 5 1/2 years. we met freshman year of college and dated throughout graduation, she then moved to her parents house in vt, i lived around 2 1/2 hours away in ny. we had a really happy, healthy relationship. we never really argued, both our families adored each other, we were just right for each other. however, their came a point where she (i'll call jane) needed some time to grow. she wanted to work on her depression and try to get a stable job, then would hope we could get back together. i loved her, and she loved me, so i supported whatever decision she made. a few days ago one of my friends (who we went to college with) told me jane had died in a car accident. i looked up online and saw her obituary, along with funeral arrangements. aside from the emotional trauma this has caused me, i want to see her one last time... i want to say goodbye one more time. but i don't know if its appropriate of me or not. i don't know if i should reach out to the family (who i have not really spoken to since mid 2020, including jane besides a an hour-ish phone call we had in july. i just really do not want to anger her family or make them upset, wibta if i went to the funeral? [/INST] nta — you lost her too, and you are perfectly within your rights to grieve her, even if you guys were no longer together. that being said, i would 100% make sure it’s okay with the family first, especially due to the current pandemic (depending on where you’re located). </s>
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AITA for wanting my parents to leave us to renovate and live in our home the way we want to
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so 10 months ago my fiancé and i bought a home which was in good repair but for a few renovations and personal touches. i had a townhouse that needed to be sold in order for us to make up the asking price along with a partial home loan but we were going to lose out on the house as the townhouse hadn't sold. my parents stepped in and helped us with the short fall with the understanding they would be reimbursed when the other property sold. the new place is large with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen, lounge and diner. my fiancé and i both work full time but have repainted the whole inside of the house, refloored the last bedroom(the other two were done by a contractor to expedite the process, we moved in two weeks after the sale was finalized) started renovating the kitchen, added a vegetable garden and some flower beds, overhauled the security system installing cameras , exterior beams and lighting and recently put up a small greenhouse.
my parents feel that we are not doing the renovations fast enough and that they are entitled to criticize what we have done because they helped us out. they've been reimbursed for the money they helped us out with but will have a problem with the curtain rails we put up or the placement of items. we are concentrating on the inside of the house they want the window frames and gutters outside to be done. i like having my crafting projects around me, they want them packed away and they feel my fiancé games too much.
with the advent of the pandemic we are now both working from home and my parents seem to think that means we should be getting more done with the yard work and renovations because we are at home.
am i the asshole for wanting to do things my way in my home?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gohjp9/aita_for_wanting_my_parents_to_leave_us_to/
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2020-05-22 11:21:59
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nta, you already paid them back, so they have no right to choose how you have to decorate your own home
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nta. your house, your rules.
ask them to respect your boundaries.
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nta. they were paid back the money they helped with. they have no say in what you do with your current house.
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nta- buying a home with financial support of your parents (even if it was temporary) is a lot like having a wedding that is paid for by your parents. suddenly, they feel like they have a say in every aspect of something that is genuinely yours.
i would recommend that you stop talking to your parents about your house and when they ask about it give them non-detailed answers like ‘it’s going well’
also avoid having them over until you feel comfortable with them seeing your current state of progress. give non-detailed statements there ‘it would be better to meet up at your place.’
if they are still full of criticism when you’re finished, give them clear responses ‘i know you would have done it differently, but this is how we are most comfortable in our home. if you’re uncomfortable meeting us here, we can meet at your place from now on.’ or ‘i know that you feel like you deserve to have input on how the home is set up because you fronted us some of the money, however, we paid you back and this is our home now. we don’t appreciate the constant criticism. it’s putting a strain on my relationship with you.’
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info: are you parents living in the house with you? has the townhouse sold? i don't understand why they're giving you specific advice about a house they don't own and don't live in, when the loan they gave you has been paid back.
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they won’t realize their mistake until they say “we haven’t seen op for a long time “
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nta
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so 10 months ago my fiancé and i bought a home which was in good repair but for a few renovations and personal touches. i had a townhouse that needed to be sold in order for us to make up the asking price along with a partial home loan but we were going to lose out on the house as the townhouse hadn't sold. my parents stepped in and helped us with the short fall with the understanding they would be reimbursed when the other property sold. the new place is large with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen, lounge and diner. my fiancé and i both work full time but have repainted the whole inside of the house, refloored the last bedroom(the other two were done by a contractor to expedite the process, we moved in two weeks after the sale was finalized) started renovating the kitchen, added a vegetable garden and some flower beds, overhauled the security system installing cameras , exterior beams and lighting and recently put up a small greenhouse. my parents feel that we are not doing the renovations fast enough and that they are entitled to criticize what we have done because they helped us out. they've been reimbursed for the money they helped us out with but will have a problem with the curtain rails we put up or the placement of items. we are concentrating on the inside of the house they want the window frames and gutters outside to be done. i like having my crafting projects around me, they want them packed away and they feel my fiancé games too much. with the advent of the pandemic we are now both working from home and my parents seem to think that means we should be getting more done with the yard work and renovations because we are at home. am i the asshole for wanting to do things my way in my home?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so 10 months ago my fiancé and i bought a home which was in good repair but for a few renovations and personal touches. i had a townhouse that needed to be sold in order for us to make up the asking price along with a partial home loan but we were going to lose out on the house as the townhouse hadn't sold. my parents stepped in and helped us with the short fall with the understanding they would be reimbursed when the other property sold. the new place is large with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen, lounge and diner. my fiancé and i both work full time but have repainted the whole inside of the house, refloored the last bedroom(the other two were done by a contractor to expedite the process, we moved in two weeks after the sale was finalized) started renovating the kitchen, added a vegetable garden and some flower beds, overhauled the security system installing cameras , exterior beams and lighting and recently put up a small greenhouse. my parents feel that we are not doing the renovations fast enough and that they are entitled to criticize what we have done because they helped us out. they've been reimbursed for the money they helped us out with but will have a problem with the curtain rails we put up or the placement of items. we are concentrating on the inside of the house they want the window frames and gutters outside to be done. i like having my crafting projects around me, they want them packed away and they feel my fiancé games too much. with the advent of the pandemic we are now both working from home and my parents seem to think that means we should be getting more done with the yard work and renovations because we are at home. am i the asshole for wanting to do things my way in my home? [/INST] nta, you already paid them back, so they have no right to choose how you have to decorate your own home </s>
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AITA for not keeping the "magic" for my children (Easter Edition)
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hi guys, first time poster.
background: i (33m) am the father of 2 beautiful children - (5f) and (7m) -. for some unknown reason i don't fully understand, both have "grown" to be extremely sceptic and are not huge believers of the toothfairy, santa claus, sandman, boggieman or (the protagonist of this tale) the easter-bunny. is not that i have told them, but by the age of 5 my son had his doubts and when he asked me at 6 i told him the truth. he just asked if he was still getting the toys so no drama there. his sister was even faster and has already rejected the notion of mythical creatures existing.
when easter came around, the school did a medium sized egg hunt on their premises and we were invited to go. after finding all the eggs he could, my son came to me and said something like this :
\- i found all this and it was harder than last year! the teachers got really tricky this time.
we were surrounded by other parents and their children, including a woman i know as dolores, who inmediatly covered the ears of her daughter. she the sweetly tried to correct him by saying:
\- don't you mean the eastern bunny, honey? he is the one who hid the eggs.
\- no, i mean the teachers - he answered
before i could try to do some damage control, my 5 years-old appears from nowhere and shouts
\- the eastern bunny isn't real miss ! haven't your parents told you ?
luckily i thing only a few kids were able to understand what she said and they were promptly taken away by their parents who by the looks of it, tried really, really hard to keep up the charade. but dolores, dolores gave me a look meant to kill. i have never felt such hate on a random womans stare. i explained her that they simply stopped believing by themselves, but she was having non of it. without shouting, but with ice in her voice, she basically told me i was a horrible father that had killed my childrens imagination and childhood with it. i didn't want to create a scene so i just went away with my kids, who were too distracted by their candy to pay attention to dolores words.
it has been two weeks since that and while i never though about it that way (and neither did my wife) , seeing dolores reaction has given me doubts, and now i am asking myself if these fairytale characters are really that important and if i had truly robbed my kids of the experience by not making them believe.
people ( and specially parents) of reddit aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mtbwez/aita_for_not_keeping_the_magic_for_my_children/
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2021-04-18 12:27:49
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nta for telling your children the truth when they asked. they were developmentally ready to move on.
but you failed as a parent, because the second part of that process is teaching your children that not all kids are ready to give up the pretend game, and they should not spoil it for other children
then, before lpublic events, you remind them that they are part of the people who keep that secret. and if they can't keep the secret, perhaps they should not go to these sorts of events.
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nta but you should, going forward, make sure your children keep quiet about how the easter bunny and santa clause, etc., are fake, (at least till the other kids figure it out). people don’t like their fairy tale ideas shattered. they can become quite unpleasant with their insistence. this will also be good advice when they start questioning religion. because they will.
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ha, not believing in mythical creatures that give you things doesn't mean you don't have an imagination. nta. i probably would have said no ah here but i don't like that she tried to make you feel bad. but you should have a convo with your kids about not shouting things out like that and that some kids/families continue to believe.
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nta
i never had my kids believe in it. they knew santa, bunny, e.t.c were fun stories. they still had wonderful imaginations and childhoods full of play! part of it for me was, i didn't like the concept of threatening your child to be good so santa would bring them whatever, or that some kids get go- carts or video game systems while others only a small toy (santa doesn't like poor kids????).
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nta. kids figure things out at different times and sometimes things like this happens.
as a parent who refused to ever tell her own child that santa or the easter bunny were real, i can assure you this does not impede imagination. my now-almost-legal-adult is developing his own superhero characters and timelines as a hobby. mythology, including fairy tales, has an important place in culture, but the kids don't have to believe it is literal or real to appreciate it.
edited to change "a child" to "her own child". i roll with whatever other people's kids seem to believe.
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nta. it isn’t your fault that they don’t believe in it but i think you should mention to them that it can be upsetting for other kids to find out.
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nta, when kids figure things out they sometimes spoil it for other kids. i feel bad for the other parent/the other kid but at the same time your daghter is only 5 years old and 5 year olds have no filter.
you're not ta just because your kids don't believe in the easter bunny
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i really want the "eastern" bunny to be what she actually said.
and now i want a drawing of a russian easter bunny with an ushanka, gold chains, and a track suit.
🤣😂🤣
oh and nta, kids are gonna be kids meh.
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yta - it's ok not to have your children believe in it, but you should also teach them some children believe in it and they shouldn't try and ruin the magic.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null | 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi guys, first time poster. background: i (33m) am the father of 2 beautiful children - (5f) and (7m) -. for some unknown reason i don't fully understand, both have "grown" to be extremely sceptic and are not huge believers of the toothfairy, santa claus, sandman, boggieman or (the protagonist of this tale) the easter-bunny. is not that i have told them, but by the age of 5 my son had his doubts and when he asked me at 6 i told him the truth. he just asked if he was still getting the toys so no drama there. his sister was even faster and has already rejected the notion of mythical creatures existing. when easter came around, the school did a medium sized egg hunt on their premises and we were invited to go. after finding all the eggs he could, my son came to me and said something like this : \- i found all this and it was harder than last year! the teachers got really tricky this time. we were surrounded by other parents and their children, including a woman i know as dolores, who inmediatly covered the ears of her daughter. she the sweetly tried to correct him by saying: \- don't you mean the eastern bunny, honey? he is the one who hid the eggs. \- no, i mean the teachers - he answered before i could try to do some damage control, my 5 years-old appears from nowhere and shouts \- the eastern bunny isn't real miss ! haven't your parents told you ? luckily i thing only a few kids were able to understand what she said and they were promptly taken away by their parents who by the looks of it, tried really, really hard to keep up the charade. but dolores, dolores gave me a look meant to kill. i have never felt such hate on a random womans stare. i explained her that they simply stopped believing by themselves, but she was having non of it. without shouting, but with ice in her voice, she basically told me i was a horrible father that had killed my childrens imagination and childhood with it. i didn't want to create a scene so i just went away with my kids, who were too distracted by their candy to pay attention to dolores words. it has been two weeks since that and while i never though about it that way (and neither did my wife) , seeing dolores reaction has given me doubts, and now i am asking myself if these fairytale characters are really that important and if i had truly robbed my kids of the experience by not making them believe. people ( and specially parents) of reddit aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi guys, first time poster. background: i (33m) am the father of 2 beautiful children - (5f) and (7m) -. for some unknown reason i don't fully understand, both have "grown" to be extremely sceptic and are not huge believers of the toothfairy, santa claus, sandman, boggieman or (the protagonist of this tale) the easter-bunny. is not that i have told them, but by the age of 5 my son had his doubts and when he asked me at 6 i told him the truth. he just asked if he was still getting the toys so no drama there. his sister was even faster and has already rejected the notion of mythical creatures existing. when easter came around, the school did a medium sized egg hunt on their premises and we were invited to go. after finding all the eggs he could, my son came to me and said something like this : \- i found all this and it was harder than last year! the teachers got really tricky this time. we were surrounded by other parents and their children, including a woman i know as dolores, who inmediatly covered the ears of her daughter. she the sweetly tried to correct him by saying: \- don't you mean the eastern bunny, honey? he is the one who hid the eggs. \- no, i mean the teachers - he answered before i could try to do some damage control, my 5 years-old appears from nowhere and shouts \- the eastern bunny isn't real miss ! haven't your parents told you ? luckily i thing only a few kids were able to understand what she said and they were promptly taken away by their parents who by the looks of it, tried really, really hard to keep up the charade. but dolores, dolores gave me a look meant to kill. i have never felt such hate on a random womans stare. i explained her that they simply stopped believing by themselves, but she was having non of it. without shouting, but with ice in her voice, she basically told me i was a horrible father that had killed my childrens imagination and childhood with it. i didn't want to create a scene so i just went away with my kids, who were too distracted by their candy to pay attention to dolores words. it has been two weeks since that and while i never though about it that way (and neither did my wife) , seeing dolores reaction has given me doubts, and now i am asking myself if these fairytale characters are really that important and if i had truly robbed my kids of the experience by not making them believe. people ( and specially parents) of reddit aita? [/INST] nta for telling your children the truth when they asked. they were developmentally ready to move on. but you failed as a parent, because the second part of that process is teaching your children that not all kids are ready to give up the pretend game, and they should not spoil it for other children then, before lpublic events, you remind them that they are part of the people who keep that secret. and if they can't keep the secret, perhaps they should not go to these sorts of events. </s>
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AITA for not forcing my son to be honest?
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my (42m) son (17m) came to me a few weeks ago and confided that he was struggling with his sexuality. i thanked him for trusting me, that his mother and i love him unconditionally and that this wouldn’t change anything between us no matter what label he settled on. we had some safe sex refreshers because exploration is no longer fun when proper precautions aren’t being taken, then we moved on.
about a week after this conversation, my son introduced us to a new male friend of his and they began spending a considerable amount of time together. he would still see his girlfriend occasionally but they would typically go out to eat or go to the movies instead of coming to spend time at our house like they used to.
i didn’t tell my wife (41f) about this conversation for a while. i wanted to give my son time to talk to her on his own when he was ready. once she began making comments to my son about how she “never sees much of gf anymore,” i decided it was time to clue her in.
my wife was livid. she said she understood that he might not feel comfortable or safe expressing his struggles to his girlfriend, but he at least needed to break things off with her before he started spending time with other people. i said that we didn’t know exactly *what* he was doing with this new male friend and that we were both making assumptions. there’s no need to meddle in our son’s life over that. even if those assumptions are correct, i want my son to have the time and space to explore how he feels necessary while he’s still young before he ends up in an unhappy marriage or something similar.
my wife continually said that if she were in my son’s girlfriend’s shoes, she would want someone to tell her, but i argued this wasn’t a time for a female solidarity moment. this is our *child.* he comes first. we’re at an impasse and i’d like some outside opinions.
aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtd78e/aita_for_not_forcing_my_son_to_be_honest/
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2022-08-20 17:54:09
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yta. your wife is correct. your son doesn't have to discuss his sexuality with the gf, he could but it isn't a absolute. he needs to break up with the gf until he has himself figured out. your son does come first, but you don't need to encourage him to start his journey into sexuality with lies, and not considering other peoples feelings.
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yta. nobody deserves to have their emotions played with and you absolutely should be encouraging your son to let a relationship go before exploring another one. he doesn't have to disclose anything, not his sexuality or his new relationship, but this poor girl is a human being and deserves to be treated as such. i wouldn't go at your son accusing him of anything, i'd simply just express that it's important to break off things with the girlfriend if he has feelings for anyone else. ultimately this has nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with him learning how to treat people right.
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yta in this situation for not addressing this with your son.
you need to explain to your son that his behavior could be extremely hurtful to his gf. as such he needs to talk to her about this. and since he is obviously seeing this other boy you also need to explain that it seems like he is cheating on his gf and that cheating is never ok.
teaching your child about how relationships work and to consider how one’s actions effect others is your job as a parent.
your wife is right.
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he might be your kid but she's someone else's daughter. it isn't clear if something physical is going on with the other boy but if its a matter of sexuality that could include some more than friendship feelings.
yes youre allowed to have same sex friends but the timing isn't a coincidence.
encourage your son to break up with his gf. she isn't a safety net.
small yta for the female solidarity comment. it isn't about that. its about your son figuring his shit out without someone other than his parents as a safety net
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for me, the verdict depends on exactly what question is being asked. if the question is, "wibta for *telling* son's maybe-girlfriend about the fact that he's struggling with his sexuality?" then you're 100% n-t-a for wanting to stay out of it. that could blow up your son's life in so many ways. if the question is, "should we *encourage* son to be honest with his maybe-girlfriend if there's another person in the picture?" then i think you're a little bit ta for not wanting to have that conversation because "he's gotta explore" (and for dismissing your wife's concerns as "a female solidarity moment"). exploring or struggling is not a get-out-of-jail-free card on being willfully dishonest with people.
now, i'm not assuming what's going on with your son and his friend and his maybe-girlfriend. maybe he *has* been completely honest with everyone involved. and i completely get your reluctance to meddle. but if your wife's position is simply that you should encourage your son to be honest, then i don't think she's the ah either.
i guess i'm ending up on info.
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yta for outing your son to your wife. also you should absolutely talk to your son about this, probably something like "hey sport, i've noticed you spending a lotta time with that nice young man recently and not seeing your girlfriend as much. i don't want to pry or make you share anything you don't want to, but i want to say that if things with that handsome lad are going beyond the realm of platonic then that nice young lady friend of yours deserves to know the truth about how you feel about her. you don't have to tell her every detail about it but at least tell her if you don't want to be with her anymore."
idk something like that i'm not a dad. but this situation is one that very much calls for some grown-up advice, and it's worrying to me that your position seems to be "i don't want to think about it but it's fine by me if he's stringing this girl along and cheating on her, that's an appropriate and healthy way to figure yourself out"
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yta -
>i want my son to have the time and space to explore how he feels necessary while he is still young
awesome, but part of that “necessary” is not leasing his girlfriend in
come on, you know this new friends isn’t just platonic
at the very least there is some emotional cheating going on
i get he is your son and she is just his girlfriend but have some decency
she doesn’t deserve to be lead on like this
if he is questioning him sexuality then he needs to break up with her, she doesn’t deserve to be lead on, for him to slowly stop spending as much time with her
she isn’t a doll to wait on him while he figures himself out
>this wasn’t the time for female solidarity moment. this our child. he comes first.
this has nothing to do with make or female, the agruement would be the same if this was your daughter
it’s about doing the decent thing, about making your son do the decent thing
do you want to raise your son to be a decent person? then make him stop using this girl as a cover while he figures himself out
he ***is*** entitled to figure himself out
he ***is not*** allowed to lead her on, use her and hurt her while he does so
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info: has anyone even thought to ask your son about his girlfriend??? you and everyone in these comments are assuming your son is cheating but do you actually know if he is??? how do you know he hasn't talked to her and she's either not his gf anymore or ok with what he's doing????
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>i decided it was time to clue her in.
yta for breaking your son's trust and outing him to a parent he hasn't chosen to share the questioning of his sexuality with.
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it sounds like you're asking if you're ta for endorsing your son's infidelity just because he's exploring his sexuality, so... yta.
taking the sexes of the people out of it, would you still be okay with this? your son is being incredibly self centered and hurtful and it's okay for you to tell him to be considerate of other people.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (42m) son (17m) came to me a few weeks ago and confided that he was struggling with his sexuality. i thanked him for trusting me, that his mother and i love him unconditionally and that this wouldn’t change anything between us no matter what label he settled on. we had some safe sex refreshers because exploration is no longer fun when proper precautions aren’t being taken, then we moved on. about a week after this conversation, my son introduced us to a new male friend of his and they began spending a considerable amount of time together. he would still see his girlfriend occasionally but they would typically go out to eat or go to the movies instead of coming to spend time at our house like they used to. i didn’t tell my wife (41f) about this conversation for a while. i wanted to give my son time to talk to her on his own when he was ready. once she began making comments to my son about how she “never sees much of gf anymore,” i decided it was time to clue her in. my wife was livid. she said she understood that he might not feel comfortable or safe expressing his struggles to his girlfriend, but he at least needed to break things off with her before he started spending time with other people. i said that we didn’t know exactly *what* he was doing with this new male friend and that we were both making assumptions. there’s no need to meddle in our son’s life over that. even if those assumptions are correct, i want my son to have the time and space to explore how he feels necessary while he’s still young before he ends up in an unhappy marriage or something similar. my wife continually said that if she were in my son’s girlfriend’s shoes, she would want someone to tell her, but i argued this wasn’t a time for a female solidarity moment. this is our *child.* he comes first. we’re at an impasse and i’d like some outside opinions. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (42m) son (17m) came to me a few weeks ago and confided that he was struggling with his sexuality. i thanked him for trusting me, that his mother and i love him unconditionally and that this wouldn’t change anything between us no matter what label he settled on. we had some safe sex refreshers because exploration is no longer fun when proper precautions aren’t being taken, then we moved on. about a week after this conversation, my son introduced us to a new male friend of his and they began spending a considerable amount of time together. he would still see his girlfriend occasionally but they would typically go out to eat or go to the movies instead of coming to spend time at our house like they used to. i didn’t tell my wife (41f) about this conversation for a while. i wanted to give my son time to talk to her on his own when he was ready. once she began making comments to my son about how she “never sees much of gf anymore,” i decided it was time to clue her in. my wife was livid. she said she understood that he might not feel comfortable or safe expressing his struggles to his girlfriend, but he at least needed to break things off with her before he started spending time with other people. i said that we didn’t know exactly *what* he was doing with this new male friend and that we were both making assumptions. there’s no need to meddle in our son’s life over that. even if those assumptions are correct, i want my son to have the time and space to explore how he feels necessary while he’s still young before he ends up in an unhappy marriage or something similar. my wife continually said that if she were in my son’s girlfriend’s shoes, she would want someone to tell her, but i argued this wasn’t a time for a female solidarity moment. this is our *child.* he comes first. we’re at an impasse and i’d like some outside opinions. aita? [/INST] yta. your wife is correct. your son doesn't have to discuss his sexuality with the gf, he could but it isn't a absolute. he needs to break up with the gf until he has himself figured out. your son does come first, but you don't need to encourage him to start his journey into sexuality with lies, and not considering other peoples feelings. </s>
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AITA for hiding my valuables from a friend
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this happened last year. i invited a few friends over to hang out and we were in my room. i collect pop figures and he took interest to them. he was touching and rearranging the boxes moving them around from where i had originally had them. i let that slide cause i can just fix it up when they leave. but then my friend proceeds to put the figure on the bed and proceeds to start wrestling my other friend on the bed and slightly wrecking the box. (figure has more value when the box is in good nick.)
i then quickly move it out of the way and tell them to stop cause i have spent a lot of money on them and i care about them. they then proceed to act like nothing happens.
a couple months later, i have the same group of friends over and they come to my room again, accept this time i have put the figures and there boxes in my brother's room. (which i told them to stay out of.) they start asking where they are and so on and i just jokingly say i sold them, which the knew i hadn't and they then proceed to go looking for them. this is when i got annoyed and asked them why they were so inclined on finding them. they reply "i dunno, they're cool i guess" but in reality i know they just want to touch them again cause it got a reaction out of me last time they were there. one of my friends, i'll call chase then starts questioning me why i moved them and i could tell he was slightly annoyed with me. i told them that i didn't want them to be ruined or broken like it nearly happened last time. i couldn't trust them not to touch my things and respect my personal belongings. chase was obviously annoyed and i could tell he wanted to say something but he didn't.
maybe a day or two after that i get a message from chase on instagram asking if the reason i truly hid the figures was because i didn't trust him and my other friend we'll name ryan. i reinstated that i didn't want them damaging it cause i've spent a lot of money on the figures and they have a lot of sentimental value to me. chase replys with "okay, i guess" and claims he wasn't searching for them to solely ruin them.
he said he felt a bit hurt that i apparently don't trust him with the figures. i had to reply with "it's not that i don't trust you, it's just i don't want them getting squashed". cause i knew he would start a whole thing if he didn't hear what he wanted to hear. when in reality, i really couldn't trust him. i knew he didn't have the intentions to ruin them but i just didn't want them touching the figures and potentially wrecking them again.
i later then asked my other two friends that were there, (ryan and troy) if they felt offended. they both said something along the same lines that it's my personal property and i shouldn't be made to feel bad to hide my belongs so they're not destroyed.
aita for hiding my pop figures from my friends?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ks7bai/aita_for_hiding_my_valuables_from_a_friend/
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2021-01-07 06:18:24
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nta
your friends shouldn't be wrecking your stuff. sounds like "chase" needs to be cut loose from the friend group. or at least not invited back to your house.
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nta. you already mentioned how much they mean to you yet they kept pushing to find it. you did the right thing to keep it from them. since they got a rise out of you last time, likely if they had gotten their hands on them, they would have "pretended" to nick it or whatever and did some real damage. not worth the risk.
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>why would you think we'd wreck your stuff??
*said in the process of wrecking your stuff*
nta
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nta. i collect funko pops and have a couple possibly worth a few hundred bucks. i wouldn't trust these people either.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened last year. i invited a few friends over to hang out and we were in my room. i collect pop figures and he took interest to them. he was touching and rearranging the boxes moving them around from where i had originally had them. i let that slide cause i can just fix it up when they leave. but then my friend proceeds to put the figure on the bed and proceeds to start wrestling my other friend on the bed and slightly wrecking the box. (figure has more value when the box is in good nick.) i then quickly move it out of the way and tell them to stop cause i have spent a lot of money on them and i care about them. they then proceed to act like nothing happens. a couple months later, i have the same group of friends over and they come to my room again, accept this time i have put the figures and there boxes in my brother's room. (which i told them to stay out of.) they start asking where they are and so on and i just jokingly say i sold them, which the knew i hadn't and they then proceed to go looking for them. this is when i got annoyed and asked them why they were so inclined on finding them. they reply "i dunno, they're cool i guess" but in reality i know they just want to touch them again cause it got a reaction out of me last time they were there. one of my friends, i'll call chase then starts questioning me why i moved them and i could tell he was slightly annoyed with me. i told them that i didn't want them to be ruined or broken like it nearly happened last time. i couldn't trust them not to touch my things and respect my personal belongings. chase was obviously annoyed and i could tell he wanted to say something but he didn't. maybe a day or two after that i get a message from chase on instagram asking if the reason i truly hid the figures was because i didn't trust him and my other friend we'll name ryan. i reinstated that i didn't want them damaging it cause i've spent a lot of money on the figures and they have a lot of sentimental value to me. chase replys with "okay, i guess" and claims he wasn't searching for them to solely ruin them. he said he felt a bit hurt that i apparently don't trust him with the figures. i had to reply with "it's not that i don't trust you, it's just i don't want them getting squashed". cause i knew he would start a whole thing if he didn't hear what he wanted to hear. when in reality, i really couldn't trust him. i knew he didn't have the intentions to ruin them but i just didn't want them touching the figures and potentially wrecking them again. i later then asked my other two friends that were there, (ryan and troy) if they felt offended. they both said something along the same lines that it's my personal property and i shouldn't be made to feel bad to hide my belongs so they're not destroyed. aita for hiding my pop figures from my friends?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened last year. i invited a few friends over to hang out and we were in my room. i collect pop figures and he took interest to them. he was touching and rearranging the boxes moving them around from where i had originally had them. i let that slide cause i can just fix it up when they leave. but then my friend proceeds to put the figure on the bed and proceeds to start wrestling my other friend on the bed and slightly wrecking the box. (figure has more value when the box is in good nick.) i then quickly move it out of the way and tell them to stop cause i have spent a lot of money on them and i care about them. they then proceed to act like nothing happens. a couple months later, i have the same group of friends over and they come to my room again, accept this time i have put the figures and there boxes in my brother's room. (which i told them to stay out of.) they start asking where they are and so on and i just jokingly say i sold them, which the knew i hadn't and they then proceed to go looking for them. this is when i got annoyed and asked them why they were so inclined on finding them. they reply "i dunno, they're cool i guess" but in reality i know they just want to touch them again cause it got a reaction out of me last time they were there. one of my friends, i'll call chase then starts questioning me why i moved them and i could tell he was slightly annoyed with me. i told them that i didn't want them to be ruined or broken like it nearly happened last time. i couldn't trust them not to touch my things and respect my personal belongings. chase was obviously annoyed and i could tell he wanted to say something but he didn't. maybe a day or two after that i get a message from chase on instagram asking if the reason i truly hid the figures was because i didn't trust him and my other friend we'll name ryan. i reinstated that i didn't want them damaging it cause i've spent a lot of money on the figures and they have a lot of sentimental value to me. chase replys with "okay, i guess" and claims he wasn't searching for them to solely ruin them. he said he felt a bit hurt that i apparently don't trust him with the figures. i had to reply with "it's not that i don't trust you, it's just i don't want them getting squashed". cause i knew he would start a whole thing if he didn't hear what he wanted to hear. when in reality, i really couldn't trust him. i knew he didn't have the intentions to ruin them but i just didn't want them touching the figures and potentially wrecking them again. i later then asked my other two friends that were there, (ryan and troy) if they felt offended. they both said something along the same lines that it's my personal property and i shouldn't be made to feel bad to hide my belongs so they're not destroyed. aita for hiding my pop figures from my friends? [/INST] nta your friends shouldn't be wrecking your stuff. sounds like "chase" needs to be cut loose from the friend group. or at least not invited back to your house. </s>
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AITA for telling my husband his brother won't be able to visit us immediately after I give birth to our first baby?
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\[
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/habvex/aita_for_telling_my_husband_his_brother_wont_be/
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2020-06-16 20:20:10
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nta
your husband shouldn't just decide this for you
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nta. you'll be the bleeding, leaking and emotional one; you get to decide who you are comfortable being around at that time.
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nah. you and your husband have to sort this one out. your husband should probably mostly defer to your comfort, since you will be convalescing and nursing.
for your part, you should pay attention to his desire to have his brother come. having his brother stay in a hotel and only come for short visits seems like a pretty reasonable proposal. so is your proposal that he come when the baby is a month old.
sorry i don't have a magic wand to arrive at a perfect solution. you'll just have to find some compromise.
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nta
this is your time, momma. you get to choose who will be around your child, especially right now when babies are so fragile, you’re so wrecked/overwhelmed/fragile, and the pandemic sweeping the world. i can’t see my best friend who just had a kid; she isn’t letting anyone see him outside of her mom, her husband and mil.
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[removed]
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nah, i'm a little dismayed at the fact most responses to you take a giant dump on your husband and fathers in general. i guess that's to be expected on reddit.
i think you're going to cause some resentment if you unilaterally say "it's fine for my sister to come but not your brother".
your reasons are all valid. but so are his. and don't forget men experience depression as well.
if the brother was a pos, then itd be different. but i feel like you're just assuming he won't be helpful. maybe you're right. youd be totally fine to tell husband that in order for him to visit, youd want to have an open, frank discussion with brother about what he'd need to do to visit. you don't want visitors, you need helpers. if he even cares to visit. ps those same rules apply to your sister.
unilateral decisions are almost never good. neither are double standards. neither of you are wrong for your feelings in this, though.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: \[
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
\[ [/INST] nta your husband shouldn't just decide this for you </s>
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AITA for letting my nephew call me mom?
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(my sister suggested i post here. so in spite of all the horror stories i’ve heard about the moderators here i’m going to give it a try. i don’t know reddit lingo so sis will edit)
i (f27) have been banned from my sister in law, sarah’s (fake name) f 25, house.
sarah is a single mom to her two kids, (f4) (m5). sarah works and for some weird reason, she doesn’t want to send her kids to kindergarten (
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nh1wmg/aita_for_letting_my_nephew_call_me_mom/
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2021-05-20 14:37:17
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nta. her reaction is completely over the top. she was using you as free childcare and then has the cheek to throw a fit because of an innocent comment made by a 5 year old. not only that, but she involves other family members in the dispute.
what does your partner say about all this, seeing as it's their sibling?
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nta. this is such a common thing for kids to do it makes it that much more psychotic that she went off the way she did. i get it it probably hurt and stung but she needs to be a grown up and say that “hey op it really hurts my feelings when he calls you mom can you please try to correct him next time”. even that is a little overkill because it’s a simple mistake.
i get that it puts your mil in a sticky situation but she can say no too. she can boycott babysitting until sil comes to her senses about this nonsense. sounds like sil is a bully and controlling
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nta. she sounds like she has mental health issues. your mil can say “no”. cut her off as if you apologize you feed her craziness.
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nta. but don't let your mil take on extra babysitting and don't let her be stuck in the middle. she's her own person, but she needs to practice not being available to babysit when sil calls her instead of you. sil can deal with her own childcare if she is so ready to cut one of the free babysitters off. both you and mil need to stop making mil the middle man.
i don't know what the rest of your relationship with your sil is like, but if this is really out of character for her, then i'd explore more why she acted this way--is she insecure about her role as mother? moms face insane pressure (esp. working, single moms) from society and hearing her kid call you mom may have been really hard. she obviously has handled this poorly and if that's typical for her then just drop the rope and let her sort out her childcare. if it's not, maybe consider reaching out to her.
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so basically this woman wants to distance her children from a family member that loves and cares for them because of what exactly?
nta
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ummm i'm torn on this one.
on one hand she definitely over reacted, and yeah kids do tend to call everyone mum when they're asking for something, it's sort of instinctive.
but on the other hand, in my opinion, gently correcting that should also be instinctive.
i babysit a friend's 3 year old quite regularly, and every now and then she'll say 'mummy' when starting a sentence, especially when she's excited about something, and my instinct is always to first say 'my name' and then answer her.
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nta but when someones kid calls me mom i try to nicely correct them. if i thought someone was letting my child call them mom all the time without letting me know i’d be very weirded out by it. and if it’s a regular occurrence you should be correcting it. my daughter is the same age mentioned and definitely knows the difference in her mom and her aunts. a slip up every so often if okay but your story words it like this happens often so if that’s the case you should be addressing it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: (my sister suggested i post here. so in spite of all the horror stories i’ve heard about the moderators here i’m going to give it a try. i don’t know reddit lingo so sis will edit) i (f27) have been banned from my sister in law, sarah’s (fake name) f 25, house. sarah is a single mom to her two kids, (f4) (m5). sarah works and for some weird reason, she doesn’t want to send her kids to kindergarten (
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
(my sister suggested i post here. so in spite of all the horror stories i’ve heard about the moderators here i’m going to give it a try. i don’t know reddit lingo so sis will edit) i (f27) have been banned from my sister in law, sarah’s (fake name) f 25, house. sarah is a single mom to her two kids, (f4) (m5). sarah works and for some weird reason, she doesn’t want to send her kids to kindergarten ( [/INST] nta. her reaction is completely over the top. she was using you as free childcare and then has the cheek to throw a fit because of an innocent comment made by a 5 year old. not only that, but she involves other family members in the dispute. what does your partner say about all this, seeing as it's their sibling? </s>
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WIBTA For Stealing My Dads Ashes?
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it sounds really really wrong, but hear me out. my dad passed away 2.5 years ago when i was 17, leaving me 20f and my sister 18f with our crazy mother. she’s abusive and i moved away as soon as i could.
my dad was cremated, and she has kept his ashes hidden somewhere in her room since then, in the white box the funeral home gave him to us in. she held a very small service, and no obituary. here’s where everything comes into play, my mom is very orthodox catholic, and is aware that having someone’s ashes in your home is forbidden, so she wants to bury his ashes somewhere with a tombstone that has no name on it. my sister and i are not religious at all, and we would both like just a little bit of him to keep with us. i bought two very small urns and am planning on stealing some, my dad was a fantastic person who i believe deserves some sort of remembrance. she refuses to let either of us have anything of his, ever. she is sort of gatekeeping him, saying things like “he loved me,” and just never mentioning us as a family, only him and her.
i get nervous that maybe doing this isn’t right, as if she ever found out i have no idea what could happen. but he was me and my sisters family too, and i think we should be able to have a little piece of him to remember. she won’t even let me take pictures of him.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g6xw1c/wibta_for_stealing_my_dads_ashes/
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2020-04-23 23:55:00
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nta
this is a hard one, but seriously, what your mom is doing is wrong.
i wouldn't even worry about "what if she were to find out.". if you do manage to get some of your father's ashes, so what if she finds out? it's not like she can ruin her relationship with you and your sister any more than she has already done.
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nta. and i highly doubt she would find out if it means anything. what does she do, weight the box every night?
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nta. steal it all
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nta, just make sure you are very careful about not getting caught in the act. not a good look, regardless of how understandable your situation is. good luck!
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nta
the only reason you have to "steal" some of your father's ashes is because your mother is hoarding them all to herself. i am not even sure if the remains belong to her any more than they would to you and your sister.
setting other considerations aside, i can tell you what i would do. wait until your mother is not home, and will be gone a while. open the container and carefully remove some of your father's ashes. put things back exactly the way you found them, and make sure there is no dust/ash to clean up.
since your mother refuses to be reasonable, i do not think she needs to know.
&#x200b;
edited to correct spelling
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: it sounds really really wrong, but hear me out. my dad passed away 2.5 years ago when i was 17, leaving me 20f and my sister 18f with our crazy mother. she’s abusive and i moved away as soon as i could. my dad was cremated, and she has kept his ashes hidden somewhere in her room since then, in the white box the funeral home gave him to us in. she held a very small service, and no obituary. here’s where everything comes into play, my mom is very orthodox catholic, and is aware that having someone’s ashes in your home is forbidden, so she wants to bury his ashes somewhere with a tombstone that has no name on it. my sister and i are not religious at all, and we would both like just a little bit of him to keep with us. i bought two very small urns and am planning on stealing some, my dad was a fantastic person who i believe deserves some sort of remembrance. she refuses to let either of us have anything of his, ever. she is sort of gatekeeping him, saying things like “he loved me,” and just never mentioning us as a family, only him and her. i get nervous that maybe doing this isn’t right, as if she ever found out i have no idea what could happen. but he was me and my sisters family too, and i think we should be able to have a little piece of him to remember. she won’t even let me take pictures of him.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
it sounds really really wrong, but hear me out. my dad passed away 2.5 years ago when i was 17, leaving me 20f and my sister 18f with our crazy mother. she’s abusive and i moved away as soon as i could. my dad was cremated, and she has kept his ashes hidden somewhere in her room since then, in the white box the funeral home gave him to us in. she held a very small service, and no obituary. here’s where everything comes into play, my mom is very orthodox catholic, and is aware that having someone’s ashes in your home is forbidden, so she wants to bury his ashes somewhere with a tombstone that has no name on it. my sister and i are not religious at all, and we would both like just a little bit of him to keep with us. i bought two very small urns and am planning on stealing some, my dad was a fantastic person who i believe deserves some sort of remembrance. she refuses to let either of us have anything of his, ever. she is sort of gatekeeping him, saying things like “he loved me,” and just never mentioning us as a family, only him and her. i get nervous that maybe doing this isn’t right, as if she ever found out i have no idea what could happen. but he was me and my sisters family too, and i think we should be able to have a little piece of him to remember. she won’t even let me take pictures of him. [/INST] nta this is a hard one, but seriously, what your mom is doing is wrong. i wouldn't even worry about "what if she were to find out.". if you do manage to get some of your father's ashes, so what if she finds out? it's not like she can ruin her relationship with you and your sister any more than she has already done. </s>
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WIBTA if I didn't change our will?
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as it stands, my sil is assigned to be the guardian of both of the kids (currently 4 and 3.5 months) if anything should happen to my husband and i. she and her husband have a great marriage, plenty of income, and have already raised three impressively successful daughters who call without prompting and have all chosen to live close to them.
when my mil was here for my post partum period she was horrified that sil would be getting the kids and agitated to have the will changed. i had a very bad manic episode after my son was born and so i agreed.
since then i have seen how she behaves with her much younger son (he's 20, my husband is 41) she picks at him constantly, treats him like he's incompetent, and does pretty much everything she can to make him feel useless. he's an amazing kid: kind, diligent, and very smart.
i am no longer comfortable with the idea of her raising my kids. and we haven't gotten around to changing the will.
wibta if i just never changed it and never told her about not changing it?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/blya47/wibta_if_i_didnt_change_our_will/
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2019-05-08 00:04:18
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nta. the whole point is about what would be best for your children in the event something happened to you, not about how to not hurt mil’s feelings. go with your gut on this one.
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nta, i would make sure to go through an attorney, and see about specifying something in your will about not wanting mil to have custody. this will make it harder for her to challenge the will and gain custody.
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nta no it's your decision and ultimately falls to your judgment. of course you're most likely going to get some shit for it if she finds out but it's your children's well being at stake.
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nta, better to avoid a conflict then to cause a massive issue. if she find out and asks why, explain to her why she isn't getting the kids and it isn't her choice.
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definitely nta.
i would personally either not tell her that you’re not planning on changing the will because (fingers crossed) it’s not something you’ll have to worry about and could cause more stress than needed. but if you do feel like you need to tell her, maybe have your partner do it. she might feel less like she can “bully” him into it than you, directly post childbirth.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: as it stands, my sil is assigned to be the guardian of both of the kids (currently 4 and 3.5 months) if anything should happen to my husband and i. she and her husband have a great marriage, plenty of income, and have already raised three impressively successful daughters who call without prompting and have all chosen to live close to them. when my mil was here for my post partum period she was horrified that sil would be getting the kids and agitated to have the will changed. i had a very bad manic episode after my son was born and so i agreed. since then i have seen how she behaves with her much younger son (he's 20, my husband is 41) she picks at him constantly, treats him like he's incompetent, and does pretty much everything she can to make him feel useless. he's an amazing kid: kind, diligent, and very smart. i am no longer comfortable with the idea of her raising my kids. and we haven't gotten around to changing the will. wibta if i just never changed it and never told her about not changing it?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
as it stands, my sil is assigned to be the guardian of both of the kids (currently 4 and 3.5 months) if anything should happen to my husband and i. she and her husband have a great marriage, plenty of income, and have already raised three impressively successful daughters who call without prompting and have all chosen to live close to them. when my mil was here for my post partum period she was horrified that sil would be getting the kids and agitated to have the will changed. i had a very bad manic episode after my son was born and so i agreed. since then i have seen how she behaves with her much younger son (he's 20, my husband is 41) she picks at him constantly, treats him like he's incompetent, and does pretty much everything she can to make him feel useless. he's an amazing kid: kind, diligent, and very smart. i am no longer comfortable with the idea of her raising my kids. and we haven't gotten around to changing the will. wibta if i just never changed it and never told her about not changing it? [/INST] nta. the whole point is about what would be best for your children in the event something happened to you, not about how to not hurt mil’s feelings. go with your gut on this one. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend her getting another tattoo will change the way I look at her
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i (23m) have been dating my girlfriend (22f) for around 2 years. she's had a tattoo done when she was 18, though i'm not the biggest fan of it i've never said a thing since she looks stunning regardless.
around a year back, she asked me on my opinion on tattoos and if i'd mind if she were to get another.
to provide context, i'm a practicing muslim. my beliefs are very important to me and are a massive part of my everyday life. although she's not religious herself, she has always been fully supportive and respectful toward me and my beliefs. i've never tried to pressure her into my religion or force my beliefs onto her as it's something one must explore and embrace themselves.
the first time we spoke about it, i explained my stance on tattoos clearly; saying how if i were to choose whether she'd get one or not - i'd rather she didn't. but eventually, that's not my choice to make and i'd try and be supportive as much as i can no matter what she does.
though there isn't a clear mention of tattoos in qur'an, the majority of scholars agree that having tattoos is a big sin, however, people that had tattoos done before they converted don't need to get them removed - which is why i was feeling indifferent about her first tattoo.
she told me she understood my point of view and we haven't spoken about it since.
well, not until last night, when she brought up making a tattoo once again and asked me how i'd feel if she were to do it.
i openly told her how i won't be the one telling her what to do with her own body, but i believe she deserves to hear my honest opinion about it and if she were to get another tattoo done during our relationship, i'd see her in a different way.
trying to be gentle with my words, i told her how our differences in our lifestyles, though not as important right now, will eventually be something we'd have to resolve, before settling down.
i told her as her friend, if she wanted to get a tattoo done, she should do it and not care about anyone else's opinion. but as someone that eventually plans on settling down with her, i feel obligated to openly express my disapproval.
shortly after, she started crying and told me how she felt i was giving her an ultimatum - which i completely understand and feel awful about.
still, my beliefs remain a crucial part of my life and i don't think it would've been fair to her if i were to lie about being fine with it either. lastly, i told her i appreciated her consulting me before making any decisions and how her getting a tattoo done won't lead to us breaking up; but it could hinder the way i see our relationship in the long-term. though she eventually seemed unhinged, i can't help but feel i hurt her feelings by not responding how she hoped i would.
aita for the way i reacted? was there a better way to express my opinion, without stirring up an argument?
ps: i only stated my religious beliefs as it provides context for the story and the way i feel, so i'd appreciate if we could steer away from that topic.
**
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u8e7u1/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_her_getting/
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2022-04-21 03:30:25
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yta for the manipulation tactics.
if you are religious and it's important to you why are you with her? you clearly don't accept her the way she is because of your religious beliefs. i think this is toxic for her and should consider breaking it off or she should break it off with you. telling her you will think differently about her because of a tattoo is a form of manipulation without telling her not to do it. you are entitled to your beliefs but not all beliefs deserve to be respected.
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yta
you’re ok with dating and fucking her with her first tattoo. but, the second tattoo could jeopardize your future together?
many people can and have made their differences work in a relationship. even religious differences.
but shoving your religion to the side because she’s hot, then being like, “well, that was fine, don’t do it again!!”
that’s messed up. get your priorities straight.
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uhm, isn't it also a sin to date people casually?
i think it's a bit hypocritical that you'll judge her for the sin of getting a tattoo when you're in a relationship that is more than likely haram in certain aspects.
yta for judging her over her sins while seemingly overlooking your own.
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i'm giving you a soft yta, but not even for the tattoo thing exactly.
the fact that you basically put an expiration date on the relationship is what makes you an asshole and probably why she ended up crying. saying things like "hinder the way you see the relationship long term" just seems to mean "i probably can't marry you" and that hurts. then it's clear you're just wasting time together now before you go find a "real partner". and honestly, that situation could be fine, but you need to be very upfront about that!
i'm a very atheist woman married to a very devout muslim man (happy ramadan btw), our beliefs are very different obviously but we would never ever push the other to change the way we think or what we believe. i also have lots of piercings and tattoos too, just got a few new tattoos a couple weeks ago actually, my husband was simply happy i was happy. a supportive partner, wanting only happiness for me. at any point in our relationship if he told me we were not compatible long term due to our different beliefs, i'd be crushed because i've been under the impression that he loves me for me. i assume your girlfriend was also under that impression and what you said hurt her deeply.
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nah, but i think you should break up now. set her free. you both deserve to be with people whose beliefs and values are more compatible.
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yta
love the person, not the body. your religion isn't her religion so it's a completely invalid argument.
you even *admit* there's nothing in your book that actually says anything about tattoos even though they are an ancient tradition.
you're literally choosing to side with strangers on an opinion that isn't even enforced in a book.
i hope she leaves.
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i'm gonna go with yta. if stuff like this is truly important to you, you need to be with someone whose thoughts and feelings match with yours. you can't have your cake and eat it too dude. tattoos or at least these 2 are important to you. i won't argue about taking scholarly opinion over whats actually in the text because that's most major religions and why i went my own way. i will however say that may its best for both of you, if you go your separate ways if this is truly going to be a sticking point and game changer in your relationship. better to end things on an ok note than years down the line with resentment and anger
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yta
if your beliefs were important to you, you wouldn't be dating a non-muslim.
you can't hide behind religion only when it convenient.
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yta
my reasoning for this is because you knowingly started dating her when you know you guys don’t share the same religion and she already had a tattoo and you were okay with it then, but now that she wants another you suddenly aren’t and it would change how you look at her. if you believe so strongly i think you should date someone who shares the same beliefs as you do.
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ultimately, yta - you're nta for having an opinion, you are allowed to have one and express it, and it sounds like you expressed it in as thoughtful a manner as you could - however, like some others have said, it's kind of a shitty opinion. it's also manipulative to hinge the future of this relationship with this girl on if she follows your personal beliefs, which does make yta.
"do what i think you should, or i'm going to become distant and probably eventually break up with you", is basically what you told her.
also given that your objection is entirely based on your religion, it's hard to react to this question without also addressing that topic, unfortunately.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (23m) have been dating my girlfriend (22f) for around 2 years. she's had a tattoo done when she was 18, though i'm not the biggest fan of it i've never said a thing since she looks stunning regardless. around a year back, she asked me on my opinion on tattoos and if i'd mind if she were to get another. to provide context, i'm a practicing muslim. my beliefs are very important to me and are a massive part of my everyday life. although she's not religious herself, she has always been fully supportive and respectful toward me and my beliefs. i've never tried to pressure her into my religion or force my beliefs onto her as it's something one must explore and embrace themselves. the first time we spoke about it, i explained my stance on tattoos clearly; saying how if i were to choose whether she'd get one or not - i'd rather she didn't. but eventually, that's not my choice to make and i'd try and be supportive as much as i can no matter what she does. though there isn't a clear mention of tattoos in qur'an, the majority of scholars agree that having tattoos is a big sin, however, people that had tattoos done before they converted don't need to get them removed - which is why i was feeling indifferent about her first tattoo. she told me she understood my point of view and we haven't spoken about it since. well, not until last night, when she brought up making a tattoo once again and asked me how i'd feel if she were to do it. i openly told her how i won't be the one telling her what to do with her own body, but i believe she deserves to hear my honest opinion about it and if she were to get another tattoo done during our relationship, i'd see her in a different way. trying to be gentle with my words, i told her how our differences in our lifestyles, though not as important right now, will eventually be something we'd have to resolve, before settling down. i told her as her friend, if she wanted to get a tattoo done, she should do it and not care about anyone else's opinion. but as someone that eventually plans on settling down with her, i feel obligated to openly express my disapproval. shortly after, she started crying and told me how she felt i was giving her an ultimatum - which i completely understand and feel awful about. still, my beliefs remain a crucial part of my life and i don't think it would've been fair to her if i were to lie about being fine with it either. lastly, i told her i appreciated her consulting me before making any decisions and how her getting a tattoo done won't lead to us breaking up; but it could hinder the way i see our relationship in the long-term. though she eventually seemed unhinged, i can't help but feel i hurt her feelings by not responding how she hoped i would. aita for the way i reacted? was there a better way to express my opinion, without stirring up an argument? ps: i only stated my religious beliefs as it provides context for the story and the way i feel, so i'd appreciate if we could steer away from that topic. **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (23m) have been dating my girlfriend (22f) for around 2 years. she's had a tattoo done when she was 18, though i'm not the biggest fan of it i've never said a thing since she looks stunning regardless. around a year back, she asked me on my opinion on tattoos and if i'd mind if she were to get another. to provide context, i'm a practicing muslim. my beliefs are very important to me and are a massive part of my everyday life. although she's not religious herself, she has always been fully supportive and respectful toward me and my beliefs. i've never tried to pressure her into my religion or force my beliefs onto her as it's something one must explore and embrace themselves. the first time we spoke about it, i explained my stance on tattoos clearly; saying how if i were to choose whether she'd get one or not - i'd rather she didn't. but eventually, that's not my choice to make and i'd try and be supportive as much as i can no matter what she does. though there isn't a clear mention of tattoos in qur'an, the majority of scholars agree that having tattoos is a big sin, however, people that had tattoos done before they converted don't need to get them removed - which is why i was feeling indifferent about her first tattoo. she told me she understood my point of view and we haven't spoken about it since. well, not until last night, when she brought up making a tattoo once again and asked me how i'd feel if she were to do it. i openly told her how i won't be the one telling her what to do with her own body, but i believe she deserves to hear my honest opinion about it and if she were to get another tattoo done during our relationship, i'd see her in a different way. trying to be gentle with my words, i told her how our differences in our lifestyles, though not as important right now, will eventually be something we'd have to resolve, before settling down. i told her as her friend, if she wanted to get a tattoo done, she should do it and not care about anyone else's opinion. but as someone that eventually plans on settling down with her, i feel obligated to openly express my disapproval. shortly after, she started crying and told me how she felt i was giving her an ultimatum - which i completely understand and feel awful about. still, my beliefs remain a crucial part of my life and i don't think it would've been fair to her if i were to lie about being fine with it either. lastly, i told her i appreciated her consulting me before making any decisions and how her getting a tattoo done won't lead to us breaking up; but it could hinder the way i see our relationship in the long-term. though she eventually seemed unhinged, i can't help but feel i hurt her feelings by not responding how she hoped i would. aita for the way i reacted? was there a better way to express my opinion, without stirring up an argument? ps: i only stated my religious beliefs as it provides context for the story and the way i feel, so i'd appreciate if we could steer away from that topic. ** [/INST] yta for the manipulation tactics. if you are religious and it's important to you why are you with her? you clearly don't accept her the way she is because of your religious beliefs. i think this is toxic for her and should consider breaking it off or she should break it off with you. telling her you will think differently about her because of a tattoo is a form of manipulation without telling her not to do it. you are entitled to your beliefs but not all beliefs deserve to be respected. </s>
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AITA, my girlfriend recently asked if I would be comfortable dating a nonbinary person?
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my girlfriend of two years "hypothetically" asked me if i would date a nonbinary person. i told her no as i am a heterosexual male. she said shes questioning her gender identity and thinks she might be nonbinary. her best friend recently came out as nonbinary as well and i'm thinking she might just be confused. i have nothing against nonbinary people but as far as relationships go i want to date a female, but im encouraging her to figure out who she is. chances are our relationship would end.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5xhgs/aita_my_girlfriend_recently_asked_if_i_would_be/
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2019-03-27 00:16:33
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nah
she is who she is. she cant change it, and she needs to embrace it as best she can.
you are 100% free to date and be with whomever you feel is the best fit for you. if not dating someone who identifies as nonbinary is a dealbreaker for you, you're allowed that.
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nah
as a nonbinary guy i say it sounds completely reasonble, if she finds out who she is, that's awesome.
but you're not obligated to date someone you're not attracted to
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>sexuality is fluid
ah, so gay conversion therapy works, then?
sexuality is not fluid, it's on a spectrum. but what attracts you/doesn't attract you is largely rigid.
depending on your gfs gender identity, very little may change about your relationship, other than her knowing who she is, and how you interact with her. if, for example, she doesn't need to transition, her aesthetic and genitals won't change, and she'd still be able to have kids if she wanted, but you'd have to respect her pronouns. non-binary doesn't have to get in the way of your relationship. just stick with it op, and support her. if, in the end, it takes a turn that you're uncomfortable with, consider getting out there.
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nah
i have a feeling your gf is being influenced in some capacity by her friend. but hopefully she'll figure herself out in the long run.
you aren't an asshole for not wanting to date a "nonbinary" person. everyone is entitled to having preferences.
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nah
if she finds herself and identifies as non-binary that’s cool.
if you aren’t attracted to people who identify as non-binary that’s also fine.
no ones an asshole, sometimes people aren’t compatible and it just doesn’t line up as you’d like it to
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nah
date who you want to date.
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nah
i think your response is totally fair and valid. did it make her angry?
and just to share, i consider myself bisexual (but predominantly straight), but i am also not aroused by non-binary people.
edited because i'm a dumbass and keep forgetting nta implies the other party is the asshole, and i don't think she is the asshole for asking the question.
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nta but her friend seems way off the loony charts
| null | null |
NAH
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
| null | null | 0.032136 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend of two years "hypothetically" asked me if i would date a nonbinary person. i told her no as i am a heterosexual male. she said shes questioning her gender identity and thinks she might be nonbinary. her best friend recently came out as nonbinary as well and i'm thinking she might just be confused. i have nothing against nonbinary people but as far as relationships go i want to date a female, but im encouraging her to figure out who she is. chances are our relationship would end.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend of two years "hypothetically" asked me if i would date a nonbinary person. i told her no as i am a heterosexual male. she said shes questioning her gender identity and thinks she might be nonbinary. her best friend recently came out as nonbinary as well and i'm thinking she might just be confused. i have nothing against nonbinary people but as far as relationships go i want to date a female, but im encouraging her to figure out who she is. chances are our relationship would end. [/INST] nah she is who she is. she cant change it, and she needs to embrace it as best she can. you are 100% free to date and be with whomever you feel is the best fit for you. if not dating someone who identifies as nonbinary is a dealbreaker for you, you're allowed that. </s>
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AITA for refusing to give my sick uncle $1,000
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my (18m) mom has been asking me how much i have in savings every time the topic of work or money pops up. now i usually skirt around answering her by changing topic or making a joke and leaving the scene quickly but today i thought i might as well answer her. to be transparent i am a college student who's working part time and i've been religiously saving 80% of my paychecks for the past year so i have about $13k in the bank. after disclosing this info she immediately asked me for $1k to give to my uncle who has had a kidney transplant and is on meds. the money is supposedly to refill his supply (he gets it from a different country), i said no. i mean wtf that's a crap ton of money to ask from your teen son and she acted hurt like i condemned him to death. she's always sending money to her relatives him included and now i'm expected to do the same? i'm actually hurt to know she's only been asking about my finances to take my money, i felt off about it but to have it confirmed kinda stings. if she wants to be her family's cash cow whatever but i am not joining her.
so reddit wtf do i do? am i an asshole for refusing?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tcp2e0/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_sick_uncle_1000/
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2022-03-12 19:38:59
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nta, and if there is anyway she has access, remove it now because since she blew up when you said no…i would not longer trust her.
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nta. this line really struck me:
>i'm actually hurt to know she's only been asking about my finances to take my money.
i can imagine you thinking she was checking that you were financially stable. it must have been painful to discover she had other motives. personally, i think you're being extremely responsible; your savings will be a huge safety net when you eventually leave home & start living on your own. keep the money! don't undermine your future.
...and just as an aside: $1000 isn't likely to be a life changer in your uncle's life. what's more likely is that once you've given the money, you'll be pressured to do it again until your account is drained.
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your money is yours. if she wants to use her money to send to family, that’s her decision. you’re saving for your future. nta
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nta, there is no reason to disclose to anyone what is in your account.
a simple not your business every single time it is asked eventually gets the point across.
do not deviate, do not ever give another answer. it is like grey rock method.
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nta - you've learned to never discuss finances with anyone - especially those who have the "i've spent all my money and so i deserve to be able to spend all of yours as well" mentality.
if you say yes to the first $1k she will ask a further 12 times and then leave you alone.
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nta but be absolutely sure she has no way to access this money.
you’ve been working hard and saving responsibly. that money is yours. continue to save for yourself. shut down the conversation anytime money is brought up. this is a boundary that will need to be reinforced constantly.
if you give in, it’s going to continue to happen. you are not responsible for anyone else’s financial well-being.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (18m) mom has been asking me how much i have in savings every time the topic of work or money pops up. now i usually skirt around answering her by changing topic or making a joke and leaving the scene quickly but today i thought i might as well answer her. to be transparent i am a college student who's working part time and i've been religiously saving 80% of my paychecks for the past year so i have about $13k in the bank. after disclosing this info she immediately asked me for $1k to give to my uncle who has had a kidney transplant and is on meds. the money is supposedly to refill his supply (he gets it from a different country), i said no. i mean wtf that's a crap ton of money to ask from your teen son and she acted hurt like i condemned him to death. she's always sending money to her relatives him included and now i'm expected to do the same? i'm actually hurt to know she's only been asking about my finances to take my money, i felt off about it but to have it confirmed kinda stings. if she wants to be her family's cash cow whatever but i am not joining her. so reddit wtf do i do? am i an asshole for refusing?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (18m) mom has been asking me how much i have in savings every time the topic of work or money pops up. now i usually skirt around answering her by changing topic or making a joke and leaving the scene quickly but today i thought i might as well answer her. to be transparent i am a college student who's working part time and i've been religiously saving 80% of my paychecks for the past year so i have about $13k in the bank. after disclosing this info she immediately asked me for $1k to give to my uncle who has had a kidney transplant and is on meds. the money is supposedly to refill his supply (he gets it from a different country), i said no. i mean wtf that's a crap ton of money to ask from your teen son and she acted hurt like i condemned him to death. she's always sending money to her relatives him included and now i'm expected to do the same? i'm actually hurt to know she's only been asking about my finances to take my money, i felt off about it but to have it confirmed kinda stings. if she wants to be her family's cash cow whatever but i am not joining her. so reddit wtf do i do? am i an asshole for refusing? [/INST] nta, and if there is anyway she has access, remove it now because since she blew up when you said no…i would not longer trust her. </s>
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AITA Gave my daughter's friend cupcakes?
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last week my daughter had a friend over. her parents are very anti-sugar, and have told me this many times in the past. today after school my daughter brought her friend over. as an after-school snack i like to sometimes make cupcakes. my daughter took one and enjoyed it very much. i offered some to her friend, and she accepted it. she clearly doesn't ever have sugar, liked them a lot, and ended up eating 6 in one sitting. after we took her home, i got an angry text from her parents saying "how dare you let her have sugar" and she isn't allowed at my house in the near future. my daughter got very upset when she heard the news. aita?
&#x200b;
edit because this looks like it will be a thing: i left the plate of cupcakes on a counter in the kitchen. i did not know how many she ate until after.
&#x200b;
edit 2: they're 13 if that helps
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cta5ti/aita_gave_my_daughters_friend_cupcakes/
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2019-08-21 02:03:40
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yta because you let her eat six. a little rule bending isn’t a big deal, but six cupcakes is excessive.
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yta.
why on earth would you choose the day your daughter brought a friend whose parents don't want her eating sugar to make cupcakes as an after school snack? and then give her one?
even if you hadn't let the friend eat them, she'd have to sit there and watch your daughter eat one.
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yta. ofering her one cupcake is one thing. letting her binge on six?? i can't see many parents being okay with feeding their child six cupcakes regardless of whether they are anti sugar or not.
you should have anticipated that she wouldn't be permitted back. whether you agree with the parents or not isnt what in question. you knowingly and willingly violated their trust. now your daughter isnt allowed to have her friend over.
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this is a cheap knockoff of the vegan post from earlier
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yta. they are the parents, they get to make the rules, not you. you don’t have to like them, but you better abide by them. also yta for making cupcakes when you knew she was coming over and can’t eat sugar. cupcakes aren’t exactly a good go-to snack anyway. and you’re an asshole for letting her have 6. that’s just beyond ridiculous. she could have easily gotten sick from eating that many.
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yta you picked cupcakes to offer on the day "no sugar" kid was coming over. hey if you had a general help yourself policy and the cupcakes were not the official snack and the kid was old enough to police their own diet then you wouldn't be the asshole. and the younger the kid the more of an asshole you'd be.
there are a ton of ways you could have given/allowed the kid a cupcake..
be upfront with the parents "i'm not sugar-free and i won't be monitoring what the kids eat"
offered both kids a snack guest's parent would approve of.
i'm making the presumption since they keep telling you "no sugar" you in some way agreed to follow that rule.
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yta for not putting the cupcakes away, or moderating how many they were eating, especially when you knew she wasn’t supposed to have any at all
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yta. you knew the parents’ rules, shat all over them and then act shocked when they weren’t happy about it. you sound like a shit stirrer.
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yta. eating sugary things is an incredibly hard habit to break, so you should've just left the cupcake making for another day and respected the parents. that and you let her eat six?! that's probably enough sugar for two weeks!
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nta!!
13 is definitely old enough to control what/how much you eat. the fact she had 6 is the fault of her not being allowed sugar and that created a scarcity mentality around sugary food and therefore a lack of self control. the poor kid was probably sick all night.
i assume if you saw her eating 6 you would have stopped her but leaving out treats on the counter for your kid when they come home from school is pretty par for the course.
i’m pretty shocked at all the people calling you an asshole. i don’t normally comment on these sort of things but i was so shocked by the response i wanted to say something.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last week my daughter had a friend over. her parents are very anti-sugar, and have told me this many times in the past. today after school my daughter brought her friend over. as an after-school snack i like to sometimes make cupcakes. my daughter took one and enjoyed it very much. i offered some to her friend, and she accepted it. she clearly doesn't ever have sugar, liked them a lot, and ended up eating 6 in one sitting. after we took her home, i got an angry text from her parents saying "how dare you let her have sugar" and she isn't allowed at my house in the near future. my daughter got very upset when she heard the news. aita? &#x200b; edit because this looks like it will be a thing: i left the plate of cupcakes on a counter in the kitchen. i did not know how many she ate until after. &#x200b; edit 2: they're 13 if that helps
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last week my daughter had a friend over. her parents are very anti-sugar, and have told me this many times in the past. today after school my daughter brought her friend over. as an after-school snack i like to sometimes make cupcakes. my daughter took one and enjoyed it very much. i offered some to her friend, and she accepted it. she clearly doesn't ever have sugar, liked them a lot, and ended up eating 6 in one sitting. after we took her home, i got an angry text from her parents saying "how dare you let her have sugar" and she isn't allowed at my house in the near future. my daughter got very upset when she heard the news. aita? &#x200b; edit because this looks like it will be a thing: i left the plate of cupcakes on a counter in the kitchen. i did not know how many she ate until after. &#x200b; edit 2: they're 13 if that helps [/INST] yta because you let her eat six. a little rule bending isn’t a big deal, but six cupcakes is excessive. </s>
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AITA for breaking my flatshare's "Vegan Rule"?
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throwaway because my flatmate uses reddit a lot.
i (m23) live with 3 people my age (m24, f24, f22) in a rather small flatshare in a fairly big city, moved in during lockdown 1.0 - they were looking for an additional person to split the rent and i had just moved out of my ex-girlfriend's apartment. this was in march 2020.
they're all hardcore vegan, i'm not - we agreed on a vegan rule that allows no cooking or eating of non-vegan meals in the shared kitchen and the living room (no snacks or cookies either). i initially sucked it up, bought an induction plate for my private room to cook there (one of them, let's call him steph, tried to police that too) and called it a day.
now i was fine with this arrangement because i eat vegetarian most of the time and i'm just a dude who generally doesn't mind. was planning to look for a nicer apartment to move into post-covid (ha ha) but it's impossible to find an affordable place right now, and i don't have any relatives or friends to live with.
steph lost his job a while ago and has been struggling to pay his share of the rent. he's started being generally passive-aggressive towards me, coming into my room at random times, commenting on my eating habits (i used to have an eating disorder, so this actually hits home) and how i must hate animals, yadda yadda.
at my workplace we have an unspoken law that you have to bring cake on your birthday or else you'll be pranked. i know only one decent cake recipe, and it's made with eggs - i have tried vegan substitutes before but it just didn't turn out that good.
i've been mindful about the vegan rule since i moved in, and i knew they wouldn't grant me an exception (i've asked before), so i waited until 3am to use the kitchen. mixed all the ingredients in my room and just put the cake in the oven and waited.
for some reason, steph came out of his room just as i was done and caught me, started yelling at me for disrespecting them and woke the others up. he then proceeded to go through my trash to check if i'd been secretly eating other stuff he didn't approve of.
they're super mad and were openly discussing kicking me out over this (they wouldn't be able to afford rent unless they found a different person, i think) and our youngest flatmate anna has been giving me the silent treatment for four days.
i hate this place but have nowhere else to go, and i frankly think they're being ridiculously invasive for policing my eating habits in the first place. the reason i think i might be ta is because i knew i was breaking our agreement, and in hindsight i guess i could've asked one of them to help me with a vegan cake even though we don't get along that well.
so aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mmy5x4/aita_for_breaking_my_flatshares_vegan_rule/
|
2021-04-08 18:28:42
|
nta. roommates don't get to decide what their roommates eat. are you on the lease?
|
slight yta for breaking a rule which you agreed to, but dang, they're lunatics. leave as soon as you can to preserve your mental health and all the best!
|
these people are literally the reason why vegans are getting a bad rep. they’re as crazy as the vegan teacher and generally makes me not trust any vegans tbh. why don’t they just mind their own fucking business and let you eat what you want and even go as far as digging through your trash. however it is their rule so you are wrong in this case. but when you can please get out. yta
|
nta. people telling you what you can and cant cook when you are paying rent is the height of arrogance. if you pay bills, they can shut the fuck up. yes you agreed to it, but you shouldmt have and they had no right to make you agree to it. are you on the lease? if not, it may be illegal for you to be there long term according to the lease agreement. gtfo asap, these vegans are psychos.
|
nta
this people are lunatic and the rule they imposed on you is abusive.
|
nta, that is an absolutely ridiculous rule. dont cave in to anything your roommates say, they are lunatics for trying to enforce this on you because i'm willing to bet they have unintentionally made you dislike vegans more now because of their shitty rules
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.419026 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because my flatmate uses reddit a lot. i (m23) live with 3 people my age (m24, f24, f22) in a rather small flatshare in a fairly big city, moved in during lockdown 1.0 - they were looking for an additional person to split the rent and i had just moved out of my ex-girlfriend's apartment. this was in march 2020. they're all hardcore vegan, i'm not - we agreed on a vegan rule that allows no cooking or eating of non-vegan meals in the shared kitchen and the living room (no snacks or cookies either). i initially sucked it up, bought an induction plate for my private room to cook there (one of them, let's call him steph, tried to police that too) and called it a day. now i was fine with this arrangement because i eat vegetarian most of the time and i'm just a dude who generally doesn't mind. was planning to look for a nicer apartment to move into post-covid (ha ha) but it's impossible to find an affordable place right now, and i don't have any relatives or friends to live with. steph lost his job a while ago and has been struggling to pay his share of the rent. he's started being generally passive-aggressive towards me, coming into my room at random times, commenting on my eating habits (i used to have an eating disorder, so this actually hits home) and how i must hate animals, yadda yadda. at my workplace we have an unspoken law that you have to bring cake on your birthday or else you'll be pranked. i know only one decent cake recipe, and it's made with eggs - i have tried vegan substitutes before but it just didn't turn out that good. i've been mindful about the vegan rule since i moved in, and i knew they wouldn't grant me an exception (i've asked before), so i waited until 3am to use the kitchen. mixed all the ingredients in my room and just put the cake in the oven and waited. for some reason, steph came out of his room just as i was done and caught me, started yelling at me for disrespecting them and woke the others up. he then proceeded to go through my trash to check if i'd been secretly eating other stuff he didn't approve of. they're super mad and were openly discussing kicking me out over this (they wouldn't be able to afford rent unless they found a different person, i think) and our youngest flatmate anna has been giving me the silent treatment for four days. i hate this place but have nowhere else to go, and i frankly think they're being ridiculously invasive for policing my eating habits in the first place. the reason i think i might be ta is because i knew i was breaking our agreement, and in hindsight i guess i could've asked one of them to help me with a vegan cake even though we don't get along that well. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because my flatmate uses reddit a lot. i (m23) live with 3 people my age (m24, f24, f22) in a rather small flatshare in a fairly big city, moved in during lockdown 1.0 - they were looking for an additional person to split the rent and i had just moved out of my ex-girlfriend's apartment. this was in march 2020. they're all hardcore vegan, i'm not - we agreed on a vegan rule that allows no cooking or eating of non-vegan meals in the shared kitchen and the living room (no snacks or cookies either). i initially sucked it up, bought an induction plate for my private room to cook there (one of them, let's call him steph, tried to police that too) and called it a day. now i was fine with this arrangement because i eat vegetarian most of the time and i'm just a dude who generally doesn't mind. was planning to look for a nicer apartment to move into post-covid (ha ha) but it's impossible to find an affordable place right now, and i don't have any relatives or friends to live with. steph lost his job a while ago and has been struggling to pay his share of the rent. he's started being generally passive-aggressive towards me, coming into my room at random times, commenting on my eating habits (i used to have an eating disorder, so this actually hits home) and how i must hate animals, yadda yadda. at my workplace we have an unspoken law that you have to bring cake on your birthday or else you'll be pranked. i know only one decent cake recipe, and it's made with eggs - i have tried vegan substitutes before but it just didn't turn out that good. i've been mindful about the vegan rule since i moved in, and i knew they wouldn't grant me an exception (i've asked before), so i waited until 3am to use the kitchen. mixed all the ingredients in my room and just put the cake in the oven and waited. for some reason, steph came out of his room just as i was done and caught me, started yelling at me for disrespecting them and woke the others up. he then proceeded to go through my trash to check if i'd been secretly eating other stuff he didn't approve of. they're super mad and were openly discussing kicking me out over this (they wouldn't be able to afford rent unless they found a different person, i think) and our youngest flatmate anna has been giving me the silent treatment for four days. i hate this place but have nowhere else to go, and i frankly think they're being ridiculously invasive for policing my eating habits in the first place. the reason i think i might be ta is because i knew i was breaking our agreement, and in hindsight i guess i could've asked one of them to help me with a vegan cake even though we don't get along that well. so aita? [/INST] nta. roommates don't get to decide what their roommates eat. are you on the lease? </s>
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AITA if I think my mom shouldn’t go out with her friends?
|
my (17f) parents divorced about a year ago. since then, my mom has had me and my brother (14m) over for dinner every thursday and every other weekend. now that i’m in college, it’s just my little brother with her.
i’m coming home this weekend and we’re supposed to spend it with her. she asked if she could switch it to next weekend because her boss’ birthday is friday and she wants to go out every night this weekend. i told her no, because i would only be back this weekend and my brother was excited to spend time with her. she said i wasn’t being fair and that she’s allowed to go out with her friends. i gave up and told her to do whatever she wants to do.
she typically goes out three to five times a week with her boyfriend, coworkers, etc. and i feel like for one weekend, she can skip it to hang out with us.
aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/di36ak/aita_if_i_think_my_mom_shouldnt_go_out_with_her/
|
2019-10-15 05:23:40
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nta.
> her boss’ birthday is friday and she wants to go out every night this weekend
i see why your parents are divorced.
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nta. she's allowed to go out with her friends, but it's thoughtless to try to reschedule your planned weekend. you and your brother can do something nice together. she could easily get dinner with you two then meet up with her friends later in the night.
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nta. if she prioritises her social life over seeing her kids once a week then she needs talking to.
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nta it sounds like your mother is trying to recapture her youth. i can understand her wanting to go out for a work thing but that’s a few hours one night not an entire weekend. sorry you and your brother are being treat like this.
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nta. she can sacrifice some time with her friends for her family and she should.
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nta but however your mom ita for blowing you and your little brother off.
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question, are you able to come down whenever and just usually don’t or is it fairly far away? it doesn’t affect my answer i still say nta but i think it does apply
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nta.
your mother is a parent, and whilst it's important for parents to be able to have adult time, your access weekends should be her priority here.
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nta, let ur mom know that she has to only suck it up for a few more years, 1 more year for u n 4 more for ur brother before u guys r out of her life n can cut contact.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (17f) parents divorced about a year ago. since then, my mom has had me and my brother (14m) over for dinner every thursday and every other weekend. now that i’m in college, it’s just my little brother with her. i’m coming home this weekend and we’re supposed to spend it with her. she asked if she could switch it to next weekend because her boss’ birthday is friday and she wants to go out every night this weekend. i told her no, because i would only be back this weekend and my brother was excited to spend time with her. she said i wasn’t being fair and that she’s allowed to go out with her friends. i gave up and told her to do whatever she wants to do. she typically goes out three to five times a week with her boyfriend, coworkers, etc. and i feel like for one weekend, she can skip it to hang out with us. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (17f) parents divorced about a year ago. since then, my mom has had me and my brother (14m) over for dinner every thursday and every other weekend. now that i’m in college, it’s just my little brother with her. i’m coming home this weekend and we’re supposed to spend it with her. she asked if she could switch it to next weekend because her boss’ birthday is friday and she wants to go out every night this weekend. i told her no, because i would only be back this weekend and my brother was excited to spend time with her. she said i wasn’t being fair and that she’s allowed to go out with her friends. i gave up and told her to do whatever she wants to do. she typically goes out three to five times a week with her boyfriend, coworkers, etc. and i feel like for one weekend, she can skip it to hang out with us. aita? [/INST] nta. > her boss’ birthday is friday and she wants to go out every night this weekend i see why your parents are divorced. </s>
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AITA for not loaning my mom money
|
hi all, basically i am a 19 year old college student. my mom is a very dedicated christian woman, and kicked me out of our house when i was 17 for being bisexual. this was right at the beginning of covid, i lived in my car for a while until moving in with extended family. i’ve been financially independent since then & paid my way to college. my mom & i have recently begun speaking again, mostly because i feel obligated to try maintaining some sort of relationship with my mother, it just seems like the right thing to do. the other day she called me and said her car had broken down, and asked if i would lend her 500 dollars to fix it. her reasoning was that she would not be able to drive my younger siblings to school without the car or buy them groceries. i decided not to loan her the money because i would be put in a difficult situation until my next paycheck, because i budget to get me through each pay cycle. also because her husband makes a decent amount of money from his hardwood flooring business. my reason for wondering whether i’m the asshole in this situation is because it really made me feel bad when she referenced my siblings’ reliance on her having a car. i don’t want to put them in a situation where their quality of living is impacted but i didn’t feel that my mom 1. deserved my money 2. was being entire full truthful about needing it. i’m not sure what her intentions were but i hope you guys can bring me some ethical clarity.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ybdazg/aita_for_not_loaning_my_mom_money/
|
2022-10-23 09:34:58
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nta
her excuse was to make you feel bad and give her money. she doesnt deserve a penny. she kicked you out and now wants your help? dont think twice about saying no.
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oh, good grief. (1) she could get the money from her husband. (2) when she kicked you out of her house, she gave up any right to come to you for anything. (3) you're not exactly flush with cash; you really need that money. (4) she's trying to guilt you by mentioning your siblings. (5) you suspect she's not telling you the truth.
that's four more justifications than you need for telling her no.
nta.
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nta why is she asking you and not her husband?
fyi no one is ever ta for not lending people money and you should never feel like you have to justify your decision.
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nta you don’t even owe her an explanation. no is a complete sentence. your siblings are not your responsibility. also, you know this wouldn’t be a ‘loan’, you’ll never see that money again.
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nta. “mom, i can’t afford to loan you money. i’m barely scraping by after you kicked me out.”
i’m sorry you were kicked out. way back in the day my mom and her siblings were kicked out when they graduated hs. like, immediately upon graduation. some parents just really suck.
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nta. you owe this person nothing.
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nta referencing your siblings is nothing but emotional blackmail, she’s got other options to get them to school, it may be inconvenient for her, but she has options which don’t require you to risk your own financial security.
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nta. if she needs more money to live, she should get a job herself.
you don't have extra money that you can lend out, at the risk of not getting it back in time.
aside to the whole kicking you out for sexual preference, which entitles her to nothing at all anymore, not even your love, understanding and respect.
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nta. at all but your mom sure is. you owe her nothing, you're not obligated to stay in contact with someone who kicked out a child to the streets for being who they are!!
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nta
i hate this conservative, anti lgbtq shit, if she kicked you out at 17, you do not ow her money, you don't even ow her a relationship.
if she doesn't accept you she cant ask anything from you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi all, basically i am a 19 year old college student. my mom is a very dedicated christian woman, and kicked me out of our house when i was 17 for being bisexual. this was right at the beginning of covid, i lived in my car for a while until moving in with extended family. i’ve been financially independent since then & paid my way to college. my mom & i have recently begun speaking again, mostly because i feel obligated to try maintaining some sort of relationship with my mother, it just seems like the right thing to do. the other day she called me and said her car had broken down, and asked if i would lend her 500 dollars to fix it. her reasoning was that she would not be able to drive my younger siblings to school without the car or buy them groceries. i decided not to loan her the money because i would be put in a difficult situation until my next paycheck, because i budget to get me through each pay cycle. also because her husband makes a decent amount of money from his hardwood flooring business. my reason for wondering whether i’m the asshole in this situation is because it really made me feel bad when she referenced my siblings’ reliance on her having a car. i don’t want to put them in a situation where their quality of living is impacted but i didn’t feel that my mom 1. deserved my money 2. was being entire full truthful about needing it. i’m not sure what her intentions were but i hope you guys can bring me some ethical clarity.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi all, basically i am a 19 year old college student. my mom is a very dedicated christian woman, and kicked me out of our house when i was 17 for being bisexual. this was right at the beginning of covid, i lived in my car for a while until moving in with extended family. i’ve been financially independent since then & paid my way to college. my mom & i have recently begun speaking again, mostly because i feel obligated to try maintaining some sort of relationship with my mother, it just seems like the right thing to do. the other day she called me and said her car had broken down, and asked if i would lend her 500 dollars to fix it. her reasoning was that she would not be able to drive my younger siblings to school without the car or buy them groceries. i decided not to loan her the money because i would be put in a difficult situation until my next paycheck, because i budget to get me through each pay cycle. also because her husband makes a decent amount of money from his hardwood flooring business. my reason for wondering whether i’m the asshole in this situation is because it really made me feel bad when she referenced my siblings’ reliance on her having a car. i don’t want to put them in a situation where their quality of living is impacted but i didn’t feel that my mom 1. deserved my money 2. was being entire full truthful about needing it. i’m not sure what her intentions were but i hope you guys can bring me some ethical clarity. [/INST] nta her excuse was to make you feel bad and give her money. she doesnt deserve a penny. she kicked you out and now wants your help? dont think twice about saying no. </s>
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend not to call his parents?
|
i (25f) and my boyfriend d (30m) have been together almost 2 years. it’s definitely been a challenge, mainly due to immense cultural differences. one of the more prevalent issues is our attitudes towards family. preface: i love my family but i’m estranged from many members - including my mother. d is continuously lecturing me about family, stating i should be submissive to them. he pays no regard to why i don’t engage with them. actually, where i live this sentiment is quite prevalent in many of the people i know. d and his family are very close, he speaks to them 2 or 3 times a week. having come from such a tumultuous family, it’s quite nice to see people who enjoy to talk to their relatives.
so here is the issue, d (and my other friends), will answer the phone to his parents when we are together and will continuously chat until the other person ends the call. this can be anywhere from 5 mins to an hour. of course if it’s an emergency or the conversation is quick, i’m fine. however, if we are out in a restaurant or event - they will talk incessantly and won’t inform the other person that they have company/are occupied. d usually doesn’t take too long, but sometimes it does happen.
we were out last night having dinner together when d’s mother called. i told him better to wait 30-40 mins until we finished and then he could talk to her properly once he was home. he told me it would be a quick conversation, so i relented. forty minutes later, i’m sat there whilst he gabbers on, as it appears the whole family decided to have a reunion at that very second. i got upset once he closed the line and told him that he could have waited instead of leaving me to sit there for the duration. he ended up scolding me harshly, saying that it was his family and he will put even a phone call before anything else. he told me i was a child and hindered every attempt i made to speak.
later on he was sending me frisky texts like nothing happened and when i tried to communicate my frustration at not being able to explain my side, he told me that was my problem.
reddit, aita?
edit/
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qsteog/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_not_to_call_his/
|
2021-11-13 04:35:35
|
nta 1. he does not respect your time. 2. he does not respect the fact that you don't talk to many family members. 3. he's putting family above you, which tbh will probably never change. you need to think if this really a relationship that is worth having still because being honest here, it seems like he doesn't respect you.
|
absolutely nta. forget the family reunion phone calls—your bf is literally referring to you as a child, dismissing you when you try to communicate and then...then tries to initiate sexy time?
the phone calls are like the last
of many red flags you should be seeing op 🚩
|
nta
this guy has stated he will always put his family first. he told you that a phone call from them is more important that you. he said that.
it’s a classic for a reason: “when someone tells you who they are, believe them.”
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nta. he’s showing you where you rank compared to his family. believe him.
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first off, he should not be lecturing you about your situation with your family. he needs to stay quiet and just support you. it’s perfectly fine to love people from afar. not everyone is blessed to have great family members.
the fact that he suggested to be submissive to your family? wtf? i understand it’s possibly part of his culture but, that can be problematic.
also, i find the lack of boundaries very disturbing. he could have easily said to his mother, i’ll call you back in 45 minutes. i’m a bit preoccupied.
nta op.
|
you and d have different values.
you:
* value spending time with the person you are with at the time and are happy to call back;
* realise you can love family *without agreeing* with all that they do;
* are not submissive to your family’s wishes.
he:
* believes his opinion is more valid than yours;
* values his family’s phone calls over spending time with you;
* is submissive to his family’s wishes.
and honestly, the fact that he doesn’t value your opinion and feelings is the biggest 🚩
nta
|
nta - 40mins is a long time while we’re supposed to be eating dinner imo
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nta. the real child here is your boyfriend, who after the way he spoke to you, should be an ex.
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nta. ew.
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nta
he has no respect for you, your time, your feelings, or your boundaries. is this *really* the person you want to spend your time with? is this who you want to be with 10 years from now with kids? is that *really* what you want in your future?
consider this all carefully, because he is not going to stop disrespecting your time, feelings, boundaries or you. and you deserve better than someone who says him hurting you is somehow *your* problem.
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (25f) and my boyfriend d (30m) have been together almost 2 years. it’s definitely been a challenge, mainly due to immense cultural differences. one of the more prevalent issues is our attitudes towards family. preface: i love my family but i’m estranged from many members - including my mother. d is continuously lecturing me about family, stating i should be submissive to them. he pays no regard to why i don’t engage with them. actually, where i live this sentiment is quite prevalent in many of the people i know. d and his family are very close, he speaks to them 2 or 3 times a week. having come from such a tumultuous family, it’s quite nice to see people who enjoy to talk to their relatives. so here is the issue, d (and my other friends), will answer the phone to his parents when we are together and will continuously chat until the other person ends the call. this can be anywhere from 5 mins to an hour. of course if it’s an emergency or the conversation is quick, i’m fine. however, if we are out in a restaurant or event - they will talk incessantly and won’t inform the other person that they have company/are occupied. d usually doesn’t take too long, but sometimes it does happen. we were out last night having dinner together when d’s mother called. i told him better to wait 30-40 mins until we finished and then he could talk to her properly once he was home. he told me it would be a quick conversation, so i relented. forty minutes later, i’m sat there whilst he gabbers on, as it appears the whole family decided to have a reunion at that very second. i got upset once he closed the line and told him that he could have waited instead of leaving me to sit there for the duration. he ended up scolding me harshly, saying that it was his family and he will put even a phone call before anything else. he told me i was a child and hindered every attempt i made to speak. later on he was sending me frisky texts like nothing happened and when i tried to communicate my frustration at not being able to explain my side, he told me that was my problem. reddit, aita? edit/
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (25f) and my boyfriend d (30m) have been together almost 2 years. it’s definitely been a challenge, mainly due to immense cultural differences. one of the more prevalent issues is our attitudes towards family. preface: i love my family but i’m estranged from many members - including my mother. d is continuously lecturing me about family, stating i should be submissive to them. he pays no regard to why i don’t engage with them. actually, where i live this sentiment is quite prevalent in many of the people i know. d and his family are very close, he speaks to them 2 or 3 times a week. having come from such a tumultuous family, it’s quite nice to see people who enjoy to talk to their relatives. so here is the issue, d (and my other friends), will answer the phone to his parents when we are together and will continuously chat until the other person ends the call. this can be anywhere from 5 mins to an hour. of course if it’s an emergency or the conversation is quick, i’m fine. however, if we are out in a restaurant or event - they will talk incessantly and won’t inform the other person that they have company/are occupied. d usually doesn’t take too long, but sometimes it does happen. we were out last night having dinner together when d’s mother called. i told him better to wait 30-40 mins until we finished and then he could talk to her properly once he was home. he told me it would be a quick conversation, so i relented. forty minutes later, i’m sat there whilst he gabbers on, as it appears the whole family decided to have a reunion at that very second. i got upset once he closed the line and told him that he could have waited instead of leaving me to sit there for the duration. he ended up scolding me harshly, saying that it was his family and he will put even a phone call before anything else. he told me i was a child and hindered every attempt i made to speak. later on he was sending me frisky texts like nothing happened and when i tried to communicate my frustration at not being able to explain my side, he told me that was my problem. reddit, aita? edit/ [/INST] nta 1. he does not respect your time. 2. he does not respect the fact that you don't talk to many family members. 3. he's putting family above you, which tbh will probably never change. you need to think if this really a relationship that is worth having still because being honest here, it seems like he doesn't respect you. </s>
|
AITA: My Mom and My Dog
|
posting for a friend.
my mom has this relationship with my dog. she likes to spend time with him and be seen around town with him. he’s a boxer. the other day she called me up wanting to take him for a walk and stuff. i said okay. she picked him up and came back later that day talking about what they did, which included a trip to petsmart for a bath and some treats. $80. she then starts making it seem like she wants me to pay her back for taking my dog out and spoiling him! i like that she wants to take my dog out since i work long hours and can’t always take him out for walks, but i definitely don’t ask her to spend money on him. aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2rhhb/aita_my_mom_and_my_dog/
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2019-09-11 15:00:10
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nta. haha, that's so fucked up. she brought your dog out and showered it in gifts and then expects to be reimbursed?? haha, so dumb! this has rendered me speechless on how stupid of a premise that is.
maybe she could buy the dog an ipad or something and then ask for reimbursement for that too? and she'll have to keep it safe from the dog so that it doesn't get scratched so maybe she can keep it at her house.
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nta- tell your mom that any money she spends on your dog is a gift to the dog. it isn’t a requirement that she spends the money, and it isn’t a requirement that you reimburse her. i could see if it was a trip to the vet because something happened while the dog was in her care. that would be different. but this is frivolous spoiling that she obviously enjoys, then has “buyer’s remorse” about later.
no deal.
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nta. it was all her idea, you didn't ask her to treat your dog.
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nta. also sounds like you mom is looking for grandkids and is trying to push those feelings onto your dog
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nta
she should have cleared that with you beforehand.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: posting for a friend. my mom has this relationship with my dog. she likes to spend time with him and be seen around town with him. he’s a boxer. the other day she called me up wanting to take him for a walk and stuff. i said okay. she picked him up and came back later that day talking about what they did, which included a trip to petsmart for a bath and some treats. $80. she then starts making it seem like she wants me to pay her back for taking my dog out and spoiling him! i like that she wants to take my dog out since i work long hours and can’t always take him out for walks, but i definitely don’t ask her to spend money on him. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
posting for a friend. my mom has this relationship with my dog. she likes to spend time with him and be seen around town with him. he’s a boxer. the other day she called me up wanting to take him for a walk and stuff. i said okay. she picked him up and came back later that day talking about what they did, which included a trip to petsmart for a bath and some treats. $80. she then starts making it seem like she wants me to pay her back for taking my dog out and spoiling him! i like that she wants to take my dog out since i work long hours and can’t always take him out for walks, but i definitely don’t ask her to spend money on him. aita? [/INST] nta. haha, that's so fucked up. she brought your dog out and showered it in gifts and then expects to be reimbursed?? haha, so dumb! this has rendered me speechless on how stupid of a premise that is. maybe she could buy the dog an ipad or something and then ask for reimbursement for that too? and she'll have to keep it safe from the dog so that it doesn't get scratched so maybe she can keep it at her house. </s>
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AITA for telling my stepsister that she needs to step up and be a mother?
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for context : my mother and my stepfather married around 2015, my stepfather brought over our stepbrother from el salvador around 2016 (15m) and we love him dearly, i (24f) consider my other younger brother. on new years day, with the help of my mom, our stepfather brought over his daughter/ stepsister (22 f) and her daughter (5), she been currently living with us for almost 3 weeks now.
with the new addition in our family, our house has become quite cramp, my brother (18m) has adhd and later had a diagnosis of autism last year so we do try our best to not overstimulate him. we have three cats and two dogs and mostly, the cats spend a lot more time with my brother while the dogs spend more time with everyone equally. with our stepsister and her daughter (d will be used as her name), d does act like a kid and is always hyper and running around, etc.
my brother, m , hates kids, always uncomfortable around them and usually coops up in his room whenever our cousins and their kids come around to avoid being around them. recently, m has been having issues with d, as d would suddenly enter his room even after we tell her not to go in, grabbing m’s stuff and moving it, playing too harshly with the cats or dogs and or whenever m bakes, trying to grab the cookies or cakes or knocking stuff down. m understand that how kids are but will get overstimulated and stay in his room for the rest of the day to calm down.
m is very shy and does try to tell d’s mom if she can watch her closely next time so she doesn’t either get hurt/ enter his room without permission and d’s mom usually says she do that and then the event happens all over. i’m not a mother at all so i didn’t get involved originally.
today, however, i had to get involved. it was m turn to go and get the cat and dog food and i offered to go out to help him bring the stuff back, we got home and while attempting to bring the food in, d’s attempts to run out the house with one of the cats in her arms. m tries to get the cat back and d inside but due to the snowy weather in our area, they both fell on ice. d’s mom was on her phone answering a call when this happen and upon hearing d crying, jumped up and started yelling at my brother. m got upset and started crying and that’s when i just lost it.
i told our stepsister that this ain’t the first time where d has done something and we tell her to keep a close eye on her and that she shouldn’t be blaming anyone for her kids actions if she’s just going to let her kid do whatever she wants and how she need to step up and be a mother.
i’ll admit, i said that out of anger but seeing as how during these weeks, whenever d goes something she shouldn’t, the mom is always on her phone and finally does something when d is either hurt or get reprimanded by other family members.
aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rzzokr/aita_for_telling_my_stepsister_that_she_needs_to/
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2022-01-09 19:43:34
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nta. it sounds like it was going to end up this way, but why isn’t your stepfather addressing this with her?
it seems there need to be some ground rules set so that everyone understands
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nta someone needs to stand up for your brother. if she won’t mind her child, everyone else needs to. talk to your mom and stepdad first. try to get them to agree to basic rules for d, then any adult should enforce them. also, m’s door should have a lock preventing d from going in his room. good luck.
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nta. 1) get a lock for brother's door. 2) tell sis the next time she leaves daughter unsupervised, you're going to call cps (or whatever your equivalent in your area is), because this time she got hurt due to stepsis's utter lack of parenting. what if she runs out into the street next time?
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nta she definitely needs to step up and parent her kid or the kid will grow up and think she can do whatever. kids are different, some and more quiet and some needs to get an outlet for their energy. it sounds like d needs to be playing outside in a playground or similar on a daily basis to make her not burn off all that energy in the house.
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i hope kitty is safe and back inside, and did not get hurt! she could have lost your family's pet! nta. mom needs to set rules and guidelines on her kid.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context : my mother and my stepfather married around 2015, my stepfather brought over our stepbrother from el salvador around 2016 (15m) and we love him dearly, i (24f) consider my other younger brother. on new years day, with the help of my mom, our stepfather brought over his daughter/ stepsister (22 f) and her daughter (5), she been currently living with us for almost 3 weeks now. with the new addition in our family, our house has become quite cramp, my brother (18m) has adhd and later had a diagnosis of autism last year so we do try our best to not overstimulate him. we have three cats and two dogs and mostly, the cats spend a lot more time with my brother while the dogs spend more time with everyone equally. with our stepsister and her daughter (d will be used as her name), d does act like a kid and is always hyper and running around, etc. my brother, m , hates kids, always uncomfortable around them and usually coops up in his room whenever our cousins and their kids come around to avoid being around them. recently, m has been having issues with d, as d would suddenly enter his room even after we tell her not to go in, grabbing m’s stuff and moving it, playing too harshly with the cats or dogs and or whenever m bakes, trying to grab the cookies or cakes or knocking stuff down. m understand that how kids are but will get overstimulated and stay in his room for the rest of the day to calm down. m is very shy and does try to tell d’s mom if she can watch her closely next time so she doesn’t either get hurt/ enter his room without permission and d’s mom usually says she do that and then the event happens all over. i’m not a mother at all so i didn’t get involved originally. today, however, i had to get involved. it was m turn to go and get the cat and dog food and i offered to go out to help him bring the stuff back, we got home and while attempting to bring the food in, d’s attempts to run out the house with one of the cats in her arms. m tries to get the cat back and d inside but due to the snowy weather in our area, they both fell on ice. d’s mom was on her phone answering a call when this happen and upon hearing d crying, jumped up and started yelling at my brother. m got upset and started crying and that’s when i just lost it. i told our stepsister that this ain’t the first time where d has done something and we tell her to keep a close eye on her and that she shouldn’t be blaming anyone for her kids actions if she’s just going to let her kid do whatever she wants and how she need to step up and be a mother. i’ll admit, i said that out of anger but seeing as how during these weeks, whenever d goes something she shouldn’t, the mom is always on her phone and finally does something when d is either hurt or get reprimanded by other family members. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context : my mother and my stepfather married around 2015, my stepfather brought over our stepbrother from el salvador around 2016 (15m) and we love him dearly, i (24f) consider my other younger brother. on new years day, with the help of my mom, our stepfather brought over his daughter/ stepsister (22 f) and her daughter (5), she been currently living with us for almost 3 weeks now. with the new addition in our family, our house has become quite cramp, my brother (18m) has adhd and later had a diagnosis of autism last year so we do try our best to not overstimulate him. we have three cats and two dogs and mostly, the cats spend a lot more time with my brother while the dogs spend more time with everyone equally. with our stepsister and her daughter (d will be used as her name), d does act like a kid and is always hyper and running around, etc. my brother, m , hates kids, always uncomfortable around them and usually coops up in his room whenever our cousins and their kids come around to avoid being around them. recently, m has been having issues with d, as d would suddenly enter his room even after we tell her not to go in, grabbing m’s stuff and moving it, playing too harshly with the cats or dogs and or whenever m bakes, trying to grab the cookies or cakes or knocking stuff down. m understand that how kids are but will get overstimulated and stay in his room for the rest of the day to calm down. m is very shy and does try to tell d’s mom if she can watch her closely next time so she doesn’t either get hurt/ enter his room without permission and d’s mom usually says she do that and then the event happens all over. i’m not a mother at all so i didn’t get involved originally. today, however, i had to get involved. it was m turn to go and get the cat and dog food and i offered to go out to help him bring the stuff back, we got home and while attempting to bring the food in, d’s attempts to run out the house with one of the cats in her arms. m tries to get the cat back and d inside but due to the snowy weather in our area, they both fell on ice. d’s mom was on her phone answering a call when this happen and upon hearing d crying, jumped up and started yelling at my brother. m got upset and started crying and that’s when i just lost it. i told our stepsister that this ain’t the first time where d has done something and we tell her to keep a close eye on her and that she shouldn’t be blaming anyone for her kids actions if she’s just going to let her kid do whatever she wants and how she need to step up and be a mother. i’ll admit, i said that out of anger but seeing as how during these weeks, whenever d goes something she shouldn’t, the mom is always on her phone and finally does something when d is either hurt or get reprimanded by other family members. aita? [/INST] nta. it sounds like it was going to end up this way, but why isn’t your stepfather addressing this with her? it seems there need to be some ground rules set so that everyone understands </s>
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AITA For agreeing with my cousin that she should be child free?
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so this all starts with a family call this past sunday on zoom. my family has been doing these sunday evening family cocktail hours every week. they can get quite raucous, with quite a bit of drinking.
last sunday my (28f) cousin emily (38f) announced that she is childfree. she's 38, single, and underemployed for somewhat complicated reasons. suffice to say, no one was shocked that she wasn't planning on having kids. the big shock of the announcement was that she had considered them at all. quite a few members of our family don't have kids or are child free, it's quite unexceptional to us. her mother said "oh well i think that's great" and a few others said the same thing and then we moved on to talk about our little cousin and his upcoming zoom band recital.
emily cuts back in very quickly. she starts talking about how she made the decision after seeing "so many family members struggle raising children". my 5 year old has ocd, something that she inherited from me. my cousin knows this very well, as last week i complained that because of my child's age she was struggling with zoom therapy and missed the in person sessions.
so that's when i let my mouth loose. "well i for one think it's a great decision that you won't be having kids. some people just struggle with empathy, and you wouldn't want a kid to grow up with a parent like that."
my mom is disappointed in me. she thinks i should have more empathy for emily because her life didn't turn out the way she planned. i feel like i was a jerk, but it was justified. emily always comments about how all of us live our lives. she'll come have dinner at our home and 'tsk' over every dish left in the sink for a couple hours. she doesn't want to have kids, but her zoom comment was hardly the first time she's commented on my parenting. i didn't even insult her, i just congratulated her on her child free lifestyle, which is what she was fishing for originally. my cousins, including emily's sister, are on my side, as they agree her remark was a pointed comment about my child's disability. she has made comments about it before, and i do bite back hard against them when i hear them.
i genuinely want to know aita? i have an unfortunate tendency to snap back harder than i'm hit, so it's likely i'm an asshole here.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfq8qo/aita_for_agreeing_with_my_cousin_that_she_should/
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2020-06-25 17:28:23
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esh. your cousin was being rude, and you were rude back. you were indeed kind of an asshole.
**
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esh. emily a lot more than you.
emily knows that being childfree is not an announcement on par with being pregnant, but wanted everyone to act like it was. it was attention-seeking behavior, and needing to publicly put other people down in order to justify her choices - which it sounds like she does on a regular basis - is shitty behavior.
you, on the other hand, took the bait.
>i didn't even insult her, i just congratulated her on her child free lifestyle, which is what she was fishing for originally.
c'mon op, you know that's bullshit. you absolutely insulted her, you told her to her face that she had no empathy. to be honest though i would've probably said something approaching the same thing, so i'm definitely not about to judge you too harshly lol.
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nta your cousin was taking a potshot at both you and your child and she got some of her own back. you didn't escalate by throwing some particularly painful memory back in her face, you didn't escalate by dumping a glass of water in her face (seriously what is with all the people retaliating by dumping a glass of something on someone's head) you just responded to her passive aggresive comment by calling her out in a snarky way. it's probably not the nicest thing you ever said but i'm not going to call you an asshole for smacking down someone who was being cruel about your kid.
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yta. you turned a mundane announcement into an opportunity to attack your cousin.
"oh, well i think that's great," is the right response.
"oh, well i think that's great because you have personality flaws," is the asshole response.
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.421875 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this all starts with a family call this past sunday on zoom. my family has been doing these sunday evening family cocktail hours every week. they can get quite raucous, with quite a bit of drinking. last sunday my (28f) cousin emily (38f) announced that she is childfree. she's 38, single, and underemployed for somewhat complicated reasons. suffice to say, no one was shocked that she wasn't planning on having kids. the big shock of the announcement was that she had considered them at all. quite a few members of our family don't have kids or are child free, it's quite unexceptional to us. her mother said "oh well i think that's great" and a few others said the same thing and then we moved on to talk about our little cousin and his upcoming zoom band recital. emily cuts back in very quickly. she starts talking about how she made the decision after seeing "so many family members struggle raising children". my 5 year old has ocd, something that she inherited from me. my cousin knows this very well, as last week i complained that because of my child's age she was struggling with zoom therapy and missed the in person sessions. so that's when i let my mouth loose. "well i for one think it's a great decision that you won't be having kids. some people just struggle with empathy, and you wouldn't want a kid to grow up with a parent like that." my mom is disappointed in me. she thinks i should have more empathy for emily because her life didn't turn out the way she planned. i feel like i was a jerk, but it was justified. emily always comments about how all of us live our lives. she'll come have dinner at our home and 'tsk' over every dish left in the sink for a couple hours. she doesn't want to have kids, but her zoom comment was hardly the first time she's commented on my parenting. i didn't even insult her, i just congratulated her on her child free lifestyle, which is what she was fishing for originally. my cousins, including emily's sister, are on my side, as they agree her remark was a pointed comment about my child's disability. she has made comments about it before, and i do bite back hard against them when i hear them. i genuinely want to know aita? i have an unfortunate tendency to snap back harder than i'm hit, so it's likely i'm an asshole here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so this all starts with a family call this past sunday on zoom. my family has been doing these sunday evening family cocktail hours every week. they can get quite raucous, with quite a bit of drinking. last sunday my (28f) cousin emily (38f) announced that she is childfree. she's 38, single, and underemployed for somewhat complicated reasons. suffice to say, no one was shocked that she wasn't planning on having kids. the big shock of the announcement was that she had considered them at all. quite a few members of our family don't have kids or are child free, it's quite unexceptional to us. her mother said "oh well i think that's great" and a few others said the same thing and then we moved on to talk about our little cousin and his upcoming zoom band recital. emily cuts back in very quickly. she starts talking about how she made the decision after seeing "so many family members struggle raising children". my 5 year old has ocd, something that she inherited from me. my cousin knows this very well, as last week i complained that because of my child's age she was struggling with zoom therapy and missed the in person sessions. so that's when i let my mouth loose. "well i for one think it's a great decision that you won't be having kids. some people just struggle with empathy, and you wouldn't want a kid to grow up with a parent like that." my mom is disappointed in me. she thinks i should have more empathy for emily because her life didn't turn out the way she planned. i feel like i was a jerk, but it was justified. emily always comments about how all of us live our lives. she'll come have dinner at our home and 'tsk' over every dish left in the sink for a couple hours. she doesn't want to have kids, but her zoom comment was hardly the first time she's commented on my parenting. i didn't even insult her, i just congratulated her on her child free lifestyle, which is what she was fishing for originally. my cousins, including emily's sister, are on my side, as they agree her remark was a pointed comment about my child's disability. she has made comments about it before, and i do bite back hard against them when i hear them. i genuinely want to know aita? i have an unfortunate tendency to snap back harder than i'm hit, so it's likely i'm an asshole here. [/INST] esh. your cousin was being rude, and you were rude back. you were indeed kind of an asshole. ** </s>
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AITA for bringing nuts into a house with an allergy sufferer?
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i have been married to my husband (38) for 13 years. he has been allergic to nuts since birth. i have always prided myself on him not having a reaction since i have known him . (before we were together his dad would often sneak him food that had hidden nuts to see if he had been “healed” yet. then saying he must not have enough faith in god when he had a reaction.) that is, until the last couple of years when he has had 2. once because i offered him a bite of my sandwich at a restaurant that had nuts ground up in the pesto that weren’t mentioned on the menu. once because i offered him a bite of an enchilada that had ground nuts in the sauce that weren’t mentioned on the menu. i feel terrible that i caused him to have a reaction, fortunately it was able to be controlled both times with copious amounts of benadryl.
i love peanut butter candies. occasionally i’ll buy a reese’s cup or peanut butter m&m’s—it’s very rare, maybe once every few months. i always eat it when he isn’t home and brush my teeth and wash my hands.
yesterday i had some peanut butter m&m’s in the car along with a soda. i didn’t finish the soda and left it in the car. i just forgot about it. this morning we are running errands and before i can stop him he downs the soda. when i told him what happened he got understandably upset and said i could have killed him by being so thoughtless. he doesn’t want me to have nut items in the house or car anymore and i’m an asshole for putting him at risk just for junk food. he didn’t have a reaction—just a bit of psychosomatic lip tingling. i want to push back and say this is an unreasonable request as long as i’m careful. i realize his life is at stake and he wants to feel safe in his own home, but think he should take charge of his own allergy and be more cautious. aita here?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dxiatp/aita_for_bringing_nuts_into_a_house_with_an/
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2019-11-17 04:51:57
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nta
man just drinks a random soda in the car? no way you would have foreseen that happening. you seem to take the precautions to avoid it happening to don't see you doing it to warrant the title of asshole.
btw always assume pesto has nuts if you don't know the ingredients.
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nta , he has the allergy , so he should be more careful about what he consumes and not you.
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nta as long as you keep nuts out of the house and continue to take the precautions you mentioned. it was foolish of him to just grab something that wasn't his and consume it considering the seriousness of his allergy. that's on him.
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nta for the soda thing -- next time tell him not to drink anything of yours in the car. but he's completely right that you should keep all nut products out of your house. it's not a question of taking responsibility for his allergy in this case; there's a reason whole schools chose to be nut-free and ask hundreds of parents to comply, because mere peanut dust can be literally deadly. and that's not someone's freaking home. just because the last few slip-ups have thankfully been mild doesn't mean the next one won't literally kill him.
and did he admit that his tingling was "psychosomatic," or is that what you decided? because that's dickish of you.
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nah.
i wouldn’t say you are an asshole for wanting peanuts, but given his condition and the need for him to follow strict avoidance, that means you have to do a better job of being just as close to strict avoidance yourself if you want to be around him. it sucks, but he’s right. one careless mistake really could kill him at worst, or ruin his day at best.
given his allergy, each reaction is entirely different. one day it could be simple. the next it could result in anaphylaxis, and then you run the risk of anaphylactic shock. you don’t want to go there after kissing him or accidentally leaving something sitting around again. it’s just not worth it. peanuts are nice and all, but not so wonderful that it’s worth running a risk of killing your man.
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nta. he shouldnt drink other peoples drinks. it wasnt his.
he had no husiness drinking it. its his own fault for not checking
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i’m going with esh.
your husband and you share the car and house. you should not have anything contaminated with nuts where he might be next to.
he’s an asshole because he is just chugging drinks you might want.
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nah you're doing your best to accommodate for your husband's needs and you're doing a great job. he got angry because in his mind this is a life or death situation for him which is totally understandable considering the severity of his allergy. i would be careful assuming the tingling was psychosomatic because it could be absolutely real and concerning.
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nta. it was your soda that he drank before you had a chance to warn him, so he has no right to be mad at you for enjoying a snack on your own time. you weren't thoughtless, he was reckless. he does need to take charge of his own allergy, rather than expecting you to babysit all of the food that passes his lips. he's a grown man. besides, if his allergy is so life-threatening, shouldn't he carry an epipen?
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nah for the soda thing but he did have a point being upset. while he does need to be careful of his allergy, you also decided to be with him and that also includes being very mindful of his allergy. but you seem to be fairly mindful anyways and this was a mistake anyone could make. this is more just a learning thing and being mindful of all possibilities.
also i had a friend who was allergic to peanuts but she could eat reese’s because as she told me it’s not fully real peanut butter or something. kind of a side note but that’s probably why he didn’t get much of a reaction.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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ESH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.041243 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have been married to my husband (38) for 13 years. he has been allergic to nuts since birth. i have always prided myself on him not having a reaction since i have known him . (before we were together his dad would often sneak him food that had hidden nuts to see if he had been “healed” yet. then saying he must not have enough faith in god when he had a reaction.) that is, until the last couple of years when he has had 2. once because i offered him a bite of my sandwich at a restaurant that had nuts ground up in the pesto that weren’t mentioned on the menu. once because i offered him a bite of an enchilada that had ground nuts in the sauce that weren’t mentioned on the menu. i feel terrible that i caused him to have a reaction, fortunately it was able to be controlled both times with copious amounts of benadryl. i love peanut butter candies. occasionally i’ll buy a reese’s cup or peanut butter m&m’s—it’s very rare, maybe once every few months. i always eat it when he isn’t home and brush my teeth and wash my hands. yesterday i had some peanut butter m&m’s in the car along with a soda. i didn’t finish the soda and left it in the car. i just forgot about it. this morning we are running errands and before i can stop him he downs the soda. when i told him what happened he got understandably upset and said i could have killed him by being so thoughtless. he doesn’t want me to have nut items in the house or car anymore and i’m an asshole for putting him at risk just for junk food. he didn’t have a reaction—just a bit of psychosomatic lip tingling. i want to push back and say this is an unreasonable request as long as i’m careful. i realize his life is at stake and he wants to feel safe in his own home, but think he should take charge of his own allergy and be more cautious. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have been married to my husband (38) for 13 years. he has been allergic to nuts since birth. i have always prided myself on him not having a reaction since i have known him . (before we were together his dad would often sneak him food that had hidden nuts to see if he had been “healed” yet. then saying he must not have enough faith in god when he had a reaction.) that is, until the last couple of years when he has had 2. once because i offered him a bite of my sandwich at a restaurant that had nuts ground up in the pesto that weren’t mentioned on the menu. once because i offered him a bite of an enchilada that had ground nuts in the sauce that weren’t mentioned on the menu. i feel terrible that i caused him to have a reaction, fortunately it was able to be controlled both times with copious amounts of benadryl. i love peanut butter candies. occasionally i’ll buy a reese’s cup or peanut butter m&m’s—it’s very rare, maybe once every few months. i always eat it when he isn’t home and brush my teeth and wash my hands. yesterday i had some peanut butter m&m’s in the car along with a soda. i didn’t finish the soda and left it in the car. i just forgot about it. this morning we are running errands and before i can stop him he downs the soda. when i told him what happened he got understandably upset and said i could have killed him by being so thoughtless. he doesn’t want me to have nut items in the house or car anymore and i’m an asshole for putting him at risk just for junk food. he didn’t have a reaction—just a bit of psychosomatic lip tingling. i want to push back and say this is an unreasonable request as long as i’m careful. i realize his life is at stake and he wants to feel safe in his own home, but think he should take charge of his own allergy and be more cautious. aita here? [/INST] nta man just drinks a random soda in the car? no way you would have foreseen that happening. you seem to take the precautions to avoid it happening to don't see you doing it to warrant the title of asshole. btw always assume pesto has nuts if you don't know the ingredients. </s>
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AITA for losing sympathy for my mom?
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at the end of february i got a call from the plastic surgeon's office that was doing my breast reduction. the nurse said she had a date for me - april 15th. i happily accepted and told my mom, who seemed to be happy for me.
the following week, she booked an appointment to have an infusion (she has to get them every 4 months) on april 12th. the last several times she had them, they've gone very poorly. in fact, the last one she had put her in the hospital.
she's also on meds that make her perpetually nauseous. for months now i've been telling her to go talk to her gp and see if there's something they can do. she's been refusing all this time.
oh, and she also runs a home daycare and has always had a "this business puts a roof over your head so it's a family responsibility" attitude.
she let me have a few days after surgery, but then she started complaining that she was sore and nauseous. every morning at 9am she calls me and says she needs to go to the bathroom, so i go upstairs and sit with the kids (tending to their needs). 20 minutes later when i go find her she's laying in bed. i'm left to make and serve lunch, clean up, and get them all to the potty and outside to play, then to bed. i get about an hour and a half, maybe two hour break doing my own thing, and then she's calling me back upstairs so i can supervise snack and get the kids ready to go home, again while she takes a nap.
it's been this way every day for weeks. there was one day where i asked my boyfriend to take me for an afternoon drive since i was tired of being cooped up all the time but didn't really feel up to actually doing anything (ie movies, mall, dinner, etc). the whole time i was getting ready, my mom was super whiny. she didn't want to be alone with the kids.
i'm to the point where i'm honestly not sure if i believe she's as sick as she claims she is. i kind of just feel taken advantage of.
i go back to work myself on monday and since i've been doing so much when i wasn't supposed to i still feel so sore. i really don't know if i can do it but i have to because i'm broke now.
so aita for losing sympathy for her? i sorta feel bad but at the same time she didn't really seem to care about me...
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bs7mkp/aita_for_losing_sympathy_for_my_mom/
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2019-05-23 20:08:17
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nta - she is treating you like free labor. also i'm not even sure she can do that with a day care, aren't they strictly regulated?
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nta do the parents know that your mom isn't the primary caretaker for the kids?
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definitely nta. your mom, however, sounds like a giant asshole. can you move out?
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nta - you just don't feel taken advantage of, it seems she is genuinely taking advantage of you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: at the end of february i got a call from the plastic surgeon's office that was doing my breast reduction. the nurse said she had a date for me - april 15th. i happily accepted and told my mom, who seemed to be happy for me. the following week, she booked an appointment to have an infusion (she has to get them every 4 months) on april 12th. the last several times she had them, they've gone very poorly. in fact, the last one she had put her in the hospital. she's also on meds that make her perpetually nauseous. for months now i've been telling her to go talk to her gp and see if there's something they can do. she's been refusing all this time. oh, and she also runs a home daycare and has always had a "this business puts a roof over your head so it's a family responsibility" attitude. she let me have a few days after surgery, but then she started complaining that she was sore and nauseous. every morning at 9am she calls me and says she needs to go to the bathroom, so i go upstairs and sit with the kids (tending to their needs). 20 minutes later when i go find her she's laying in bed. i'm left to make and serve lunch, clean up, and get them all to the potty and outside to play, then to bed. i get about an hour and a half, maybe two hour break doing my own thing, and then she's calling me back upstairs so i can supervise snack and get the kids ready to go home, again while she takes a nap. it's been this way every day for weeks. there was one day where i asked my boyfriend to take me for an afternoon drive since i was tired of being cooped up all the time but didn't really feel up to actually doing anything (ie movies, mall, dinner, etc). the whole time i was getting ready, my mom was super whiny. she didn't want to be alone with the kids. i'm to the point where i'm honestly not sure if i believe she's as sick as she claims she is. i kind of just feel taken advantage of. i go back to work myself on monday and since i've been doing so much when i wasn't supposed to i still feel so sore. i really don't know if i can do it but i have to because i'm broke now. so aita for losing sympathy for her? i sorta feel bad but at the same time she didn't really seem to care about me...
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
at the end of february i got a call from the plastic surgeon's office that was doing my breast reduction. the nurse said she had a date for me - april 15th. i happily accepted and told my mom, who seemed to be happy for me. the following week, she booked an appointment to have an infusion (she has to get them every 4 months) on april 12th. the last several times she had them, they've gone very poorly. in fact, the last one she had put her in the hospital. she's also on meds that make her perpetually nauseous. for months now i've been telling her to go talk to her gp and see if there's something they can do. she's been refusing all this time. oh, and she also runs a home daycare and has always had a "this business puts a roof over your head so it's a family responsibility" attitude. she let me have a few days after surgery, but then she started complaining that she was sore and nauseous. every morning at 9am she calls me and says she needs to go to the bathroom, so i go upstairs and sit with the kids (tending to their needs). 20 minutes later when i go find her she's laying in bed. i'm left to make and serve lunch, clean up, and get them all to the potty and outside to play, then to bed. i get about an hour and a half, maybe two hour break doing my own thing, and then she's calling me back upstairs so i can supervise snack and get the kids ready to go home, again while she takes a nap. it's been this way every day for weeks. there was one day where i asked my boyfriend to take me for an afternoon drive since i was tired of being cooped up all the time but didn't really feel up to actually doing anything (ie movies, mall, dinner, etc). the whole time i was getting ready, my mom was super whiny. she didn't want to be alone with the kids. i'm to the point where i'm honestly not sure if i believe she's as sick as she claims she is. i kind of just feel taken advantage of. i go back to work myself on monday and since i've been doing so much when i wasn't supposed to i still feel so sore. i really don't know if i can do it but i have to because i'm broke now. so aita for losing sympathy for her? i sorta feel bad but at the same time she didn't really seem to care about me... [/INST] nta - she is treating you like free labor. also i'm not even sure she can do that with a day care, aren't they strictly regulated? </s>
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AITA for not wanting to make a trip out of the way to return some dumbbells, when their owner works with me once a week?
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so, back last christmas, my coworker had a party at her house.
i noticed that she had a pair of 5kg dumbbells left over from the previous resident of the place (long story short: it’s employee housing, so a lot of things get passed down to the next person who has your job. these are not weights she paid for).
there were also a set of 1kg and 2kg weights, which i learned were more her ability level. i asked if it would be okay to borrow the 5kg ones, and iirc, she made some joke about them being my christmas gift. i didn’t take her seriously, but i want to mention this to point out that at the time i borrowed them, i more or less had the impression that she probably wasn’t going to need or want them back.
well, fast forward 4-5 months, and she asked if i was using them (not so much; i ended up finding a gym near my house that i was much more motivated to use), and i asked if she wanted them back.
[
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ov5i5a/aita_for_not_wanting_to_make_a_trip_out_of_the/
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2021-07-31 11:28:09
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yta. she lent them to you, you i am assuming had no issues getting them to your house.
here’s the thing probably bugging her - it’s not so much the dumbbells as the lack of respect & effort to return a borrowed item.
what you should have done was asked her if she needed them pronto or was giving them to her at work next time she was in, rather than just assuming what was easiest for you was the correct method to return them.
you owe her an apology
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yta. you borrowed them last christmas. the concept of borrowing is temporary. the fact that she had to ask you about them 7 months later is the issue. you had no problem getting them from her house to yours the first time so they need to go back the same way.
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yta. you can’t expect her to carry 10 extra kilos home to avoid any inconvenience to yourself. you should return them to her home.
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[deleted]
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yta - you didn’t borrow them out of her locker at work. you picked them up at her residence and you should return them there.
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yta - her joking about them being a gift has no impact, especially as you say you 'didnt take it seriously'.
you chose to borrow them and deal with getting them home. you kept something you borrowed for months, had to be asked to return them, and *then* decided that even though they were in her home originally - she should be okay being inconvenienced to lug over 20 lbs home on her own? **ultimately, if she had not let you borrow them,** ***they'd still be in her home.*** apologize and ask for them back to get them to her house, if it's too much work for you - pay a courier or something.
(edit to change length of time borrowed)
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~~nta.~~
nah.
ruling changed as i am an american idiot who read "5 kg" as 5 lbs. that's pretty inconvenient for her to have to carry that much weight for 10-15 walk both ways and on public transport. don't blame her for being upset. not convinced you're an ah though, sounds more like miscommunication to me.
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yta
you can ask to return something that belongs to someone else to a different location, but that's totally at their discretion. at the end of the day she did you a favour and you repaid her with a huge hassle.
the fact she didn't pay for them doesn't mean anything if they are hers.
please don't ask to borrow anything from me op, answer will be no.
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yta. it was made obvious that your coworker is just getting to the level that these weights would be appropriate for her. this means it would likely be difficult, or at least uncomfortable, for her to transport them from work to home. you borrowed them from her home 7 months ago. you can return them to her home. if you were unsure, you could've asked if returning them at work was okay.
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yta. you borrowed them. you took on the responsibility of transporting them back to your place. it’s unreasonable to now expect her to carry 10kg for the 30 minute walk + train ride home to take back the items you borrowed. that’s on you.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, back last christmas, my coworker had a party at her house. i noticed that she had a pair of 5kg dumbbells left over from the previous resident of the place (long story short: it’s employee housing, so a lot of things get passed down to the next person who has your job. these are not weights she paid for). there were also a set of 1kg and 2kg weights, which i learned were more her ability level. i asked if it would be okay to borrow the 5kg ones, and iirc, she made some joke about them being my christmas gift. i didn’t take her seriously, but i want to mention this to point out that at the time i borrowed them, i more or less had the impression that she probably wasn’t going to need or want them back. well, fast forward 4-5 months, and she asked if i was using them (not so much; i ended up finding a gym near my house that i was much more motivated to use), and i asked if she wanted them back. [
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, back last christmas, my coworker had a party at her house. i noticed that she had a pair of 5kg dumbbells left over from the previous resident of the place (long story short: it’s employee housing, so a lot of things get passed down to the next person who has your job. these are not weights she paid for). there were also a set of 1kg and 2kg weights, which i learned were more her ability level. i asked if it would be okay to borrow the 5kg ones, and iirc, she made some joke about them being my christmas gift. i didn’t take her seriously, but i want to mention this to point out that at the time i borrowed them, i more or less had the impression that she probably wasn’t going to need or want them back. well, fast forward 4-5 months, and she asked if i was using them (not so much; i ended up finding a gym near my house that i was much more motivated to use), and i asked if she wanted them back. [ [/INST] yta. she lent them to you, you i am assuming had no issues getting them to your house. here’s the thing probably bugging her - it’s not so much the dumbbells as the lack of respect & effort to return a borrowed item. what you should have done was asked her if she needed them pronto or was giving them to her at work next time she was in, rather than just assuming what was easiest for you was the correct method to return them. you owe her an apology </s>
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AITA for yelling at my brother because I didn't want to switch rooms with him?
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throw away account because some relatives have my reddit.
me (22m) and my brother (27m) both live with my mom. our bedrooms are glued to each other, and for me to access my bedroom, i have to go through his. my bedroom is smaller.
before he moved in to my mom's house again, i was in the bigger bedroom (his current one), and had a week of work moving my stuff to the smaller bedroom because he was moving in.
about 2 weeks ago, he started going on about he wanted to move to the smaller bedroom. it started as a joke, but eventualy it became more serious. he would never tell my why he wanted to switch bedrooms, though. and it became annoying pretty easily, since he would bring it up everytime he was around.
few days ago, he came into my room and finally told me the reason. he wanted to continue some personal social media projects (like youtube and such), and since my bedroom is smaller, it's more comfortable to record in, and it doesn't make as much echo. i told him no, and i thought he "understood". i was wrong.
yesterday, he resorted to our mom. she came into my bedroom and told me how i was being selfish, how he was sad because of me, etc. i told her "ok, i'll talk to him" and she left.
as soon as she did, i went into his room, and told him he was being annoying and childish, and how he wasn't respecting my personal decisions. he called me a bad brother and i yelled at him, calling him pushy and the likes of.
now my whole family thinks i was rude, and how i made my brother feel bad, but i think i was just standing my ground. aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l6yqtj/aita_for_yelling_at_my_brother_because_i_didnt/
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2021-01-28 14:56:53
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nta, but are you sure the ages you wrote are correct?
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nta for not switching. i am curious tho, why wouldn't you just switch and get the bigger room?
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nta. you’re both adults. he needs to respect boundaries.
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nta he doesn’t really seem to be a 27 years old...
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esh. both of you are adults and start acting like it. your reason for not moving is the effort, so make him do all the moving if he wants your room badly. if there's another reason make him do the work for it. let's see how much he actually wants the room. also why does your brother need to go to your mom for such a small thing? really mature of both of you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throw away account because some relatives have my reddit. me (22m) and my brother (27m) both live with my mom. our bedrooms are glued to each other, and for me to access my bedroom, i have to go through his. my bedroom is smaller. before he moved in to my mom's house again, i was in the bigger bedroom (his current one), and had a week of work moving my stuff to the smaller bedroom because he was moving in. about 2 weeks ago, he started going on about he wanted to move to the smaller bedroom. it started as a joke, but eventualy it became more serious. he would never tell my why he wanted to switch bedrooms, though. and it became annoying pretty easily, since he would bring it up everytime he was around. few days ago, he came into my room and finally told me the reason. he wanted to continue some personal social media projects (like youtube and such), and since my bedroom is smaller, it's more comfortable to record in, and it doesn't make as much echo. i told him no, and i thought he "understood". i was wrong. yesterday, he resorted to our mom. she came into my bedroom and told me how i was being selfish, how he was sad because of me, etc. i told her "ok, i'll talk to him" and she left. as soon as she did, i went into his room, and told him he was being annoying and childish, and how he wasn't respecting my personal decisions. he called me a bad brother and i yelled at him, calling him pushy and the likes of. now my whole family thinks i was rude, and how i made my brother feel bad, but i think i was just standing my ground. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throw away account because some relatives have my reddit. me (22m) and my brother (27m) both live with my mom. our bedrooms are glued to each other, and for me to access my bedroom, i have to go through his. my bedroom is smaller. before he moved in to my mom's house again, i was in the bigger bedroom (his current one), and had a week of work moving my stuff to the smaller bedroom because he was moving in. about 2 weeks ago, he started going on about he wanted to move to the smaller bedroom. it started as a joke, but eventualy it became more serious. he would never tell my why he wanted to switch bedrooms, though. and it became annoying pretty easily, since he would bring it up everytime he was around. few days ago, he came into my room and finally told me the reason. he wanted to continue some personal social media projects (like youtube and such), and since my bedroom is smaller, it's more comfortable to record in, and it doesn't make as much echo. i told him no, and i thought he "understood". i was wrong. yesterday, he resorted to our mom. she came into my bedroom and told me how i was being selfish, how he was sad because of me, etc. i told her "ok, i'll talk to him" and she left. as soon as she did, i went into his room, and told him he was being annoying and childish, and how he wasn't respecting my personal decisions. he called me a bad brother and i yelled at him, calling him pushy and the likes of. now my whole family thinks i was rude, and how i made my brother feel bad, but i think i was just standing my ground. aita? [/INST] nta, but are you sure the ages you wrote are correct? </s>
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AITA for crying on my birthday?
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so i would like to preface this by saying that i recently had a trauma that resulted in some short term memory loss. nothing too bad but it does get frustrating sometimes. on to the story.
i went out for my birthday the other night to celebrate. drinks were flowing and everyone was having a good time. my mom later showed up at the same bar to hangout too.
at one point in the night i guess my mom saw my wallet on the table and thought i would lose it, so she took it with her. i was a little distraught when i couldn’t find it at first but she came over later and told me she took it and gave it back so all was good.
again though later on my friends saw my stuff on the table while i was in the bathroom and decided to put it in one of their bags for safe keeping. when i got back to my table though i could not find my wallet and all my friends couldn’t either.
i started freaking out and looking everywhere. i went back to my mom who for some reason told the band i lost my wallet and named me so random people i barely knew started coming up to me and asking me about my wallet (small hometown i was visiting).
all my friends started getting annoyed that i lost my wallet but then one of them found it in her purse. i was super relieved until i said that i was gonna go back to grab my keys from the table. they then told me that i couldn’t because they had already cashed out and new people were sitting at the table.
when they realized i had also lost my keys they all got annoyed again and my mom told me she was gonna tell the band and i just got so overwhelmed that i started crying. i went to the bathroom and was freaking out cause i felt like i couldn’t remember anything. but then when i got out one of my friends realized that she put my keys in her bag.
at this point i was just tired and still just crying that i wanted to go home but they still came over so i tried to put on a brave face. one of my friends got mad at me though that i cried and so did my mom and her bf. so aita ?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ompf37/aita_for_crying_on_my_birthday/
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2021-07-18 12:14:29
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nta, they were the ones moving your stuff when you werent looking then forgetting where they put it.
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nta. i don’t think your memory is the problem. it’s your friends and mother who have a memory problem. when you move something important to someone like their keys and wallet, you should immediately tell them.
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nta “a bunch of assholes hid important things like my wallet and keys from me and somehow don’t have enough brain cells put together to understand why that’s not okay and i’m upset so now they think they’re upset too.” is what i’m reading here.
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nta. they kept taking your things and expecting you to know where they put it.
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of course nta. however good their intentions were, all those people made the evening much harder for you by not communicating clearly with you what they were doing and why. they saw you getting more and more stressed and instead of reassuring you and making sure you knew where your stuff was, they made you the subject of a load of public attention without actually helping, *and kept moving your stuff without telling you*.
then they blame you for finding that all a bit much!
i’m sure they meant to help but they didn’t see it from your perspective at all and they really put a dampener on your birthday as a result.
i’m not much of a one for crying but i’d have removed myself at that point. made some excuse, said very hasty thankyous and goodbyes, and just gone. i don’t blame you for your reaction at all and i think theirs shows a real lack of compassion.
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nta. your friends and mother are treating you like a child. they’re completely humiliating you and expect you to just take it. btw, are you sure its you that has memory issues?
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you're not an ah for it. but it sounds like perhaps you drank a little much and emotions with the situation and perhaps the memory loss made it all a little too much.
it does sound like your mum and friends were trying to do the right thing. but with those flowing drinks were forgetful themselves.
i'd say for the future try and always keep a small bag with you to keep your own stuff, save confusion and drunk moments.
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nta ask them to stop taking your stuff and stop going to report it to the band!
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nta - because it seem like an overwhelming string of events. but i guess my question is-- why were your belongings consistently laying out on the table and not in your purse, especially at a bar and especially if you were so often away from the table that others felt the need to pick things up?
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i would like to preface this by saying that i recently had a trauma that resulted in some short term memory loss. nothing too bad but it does get frustrating sometimes. on to the story. i went out for my birthday the other night to celebrate. drinks were flowing and everyone was having a good time. my mom later showed up at the same bar to hangout too. at one point in the night i guess my mom saw my wallet on the table and thought i would lose it, so she took it with her. i was a little distraught when i couldn’t find it at first but she came over later and told me she took it and gave it back so all was good. again though later on my friends saw my stuff on the table while i was in the bathroom and decided to put it in one of their bags for safe keeping. when i got back to my table though i could not find my wallet and all my friends couldn’t either. i started freaking out and looking everywhere. i went back to my mom who for some reason told the band i lost my wallet and named me so random people i barely knew started coming up to me and asking me about my wallet (small hometown i was visiting). all my friends started getting annoyed that i lost my wallet but then one of them found it in her purse. i was super relieved until i said that i was gonna go back to grab my keys from the table. they then told me that i couldn’t because they had already cashed out and new people were sitting at the table. when they realized i had also lost my keys they all got annoyed again and my mom told me she was gonna tell the band and i just got so overwhelmed that i started crying. i went to the bathroom and was freaking out cause i felt like i couldn’t remember anything. but then when i got out one of my friends realized that she put my keys in her bag. at this point i was just tired and still just crying that i wanted to go home but they still came over so i tried to put on a brave face. one of my friends got mad at me though that i cried and so did my mom and her bf. so aita ?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i would like to preface this by saying that i recently had a trauma that resulted in some short term memory loss. nothing too bad but it does get frustrating sometimes. on to the story. i went out for my birthday the other night to celebrate. drinks were flowing and everyone was having a good time. my mom later showed up at the same bar to hangout too. at one point in the night i guess my mom saw my wallet on the table and thought i would lose it, so she took it with her. i was a little distraught when i couldn’t find it at first but she came over later and told me she took it and gave it back so all was good. again though later on my friends saw my stuff on the table while i was in the bathroom and decided to put it in one of their bags for safe keeping. when i got back to my table though i could not find my wallet and all my friends couldn’t either. i started freaking out and looking everywhere. i went back to my mom who for some reason told the band i lost my wallet and named me so random people i barely knew started coming up to me and asking me about my wallet (small hometown i was visiting). all my friends started getting annoyed that i lost my wallet but then one of them found it in her purse. i was super relieved until i said that i was gonna go back to grab my keys from the table. they then told me that i couldn’t because they had already cashed out and new people were sitting at the table. when they realized i had also lost my keys they all got annoyed again and my mom told me she was gonna tell the band and i just got so overwhelmed that i started crying. i went to the bathroom and was freaking out cause i felt like i couldn’t remember anything. but then when i got out one of my friends realized that she put my keys in her bag. at this point i was just tired and still just crying that i wanted to go home but they still came over so i tried to put on a brave face. one of my friends got mad at me though that i cried and so did my mom and her bf. so aita ? [/INST] nta, they were the ones moving your stuff when you werent looking then forgetting where they put it. </s>
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AITA for not talking to my brother when he told me I spend my whole day at my computer?
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around two years ago my brother betrayed his two-year girlfriend with another girl. this girl was pregnant less than 15 days after they met. my mom and i had reasonable doubts about the child being my brother's since this girl told him she had just broken up with her ex so he got mad at us and decided to leave the house that day.
we shared expenses since our mom was alone and without any income. so when he left i had to take two wfh jobs and ended up working more than 16 hours a day. my brother used all his savings and credit cards to build an apartment for his new partner and the baby. after one year he came back. that relationship was awful, she had two other kids, from two ex-boyfriends. she quit her job and expected my brother to pay for everything and to come home to cook, clean, make the laundry and spend time with the baby.
my brother lost everything and ended up with two loans and a pension. so right now i am the one paying for everything he and my mom need to live. he became depressed, barely eats, and is not allowed to see his baby. when he is at home he is just sleeping or playing video games, he even talked about how pointless is to live.
to cheer him up, mom cooked his favorite meals, took him to the beach, and basically pampered him as much as she could. i am paying for a lawyer to help him with the legal issues. but he became lazier and lazier. he wasn't bathing, left his dirty clothes around the house and his room smelled bad. i told him that, even if i understood his depression, he had to snap out of it soon. one day my mom asked him if he could help her with the cook and he started to yell saying my mom was annoying him and how he had to help no one since he had a real job. i told him his situation was his own fault and that if he was mad, it hasn't anything to do with our mom, and basically he was a kept-man at home.
but he came back with: "well look who is talking, you spend hours in front of your computer doing nothing."
my mom said i was insensitive for telling my brother he was a kept, and that i had to consider his feelings and situation so i send him a message saying i didn't what to be mad at him, but i wanted him to acknowledge that what he said was wrong. he didn't reply back. so i decided not to talk to him again.
yesterday my mom told me to remember he is family and that he is paying for all his bad choices in life but i want an actual apology and my mom says i am just being stubborn.
i don't know what to do, should i talk to him again?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ocga88/aita_for_not_talking_to_my_brother_when_he_told/
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2021-07-02 18:35:07
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nta- but your mom should really man up as a parent and push him to work. you are not a slave and you should not be taking care of him.
tell your mom since you pay the bills you get to speak to him the way you want until he gets a job
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nta you have no reason to let him treat you like that, especially after everything you've done for him since he came home. my recommendation is that you try and move out as soon as you can if he stays there.
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nta
there are several different "power-structures" in play here. there is your mom, who is used to be the parent. then there is your brother who is used to being a man. both of them feel they are entitled to a certain amount of control. then there is your brothers depression, or more precisely, his reaping what he sowed, and now he's sad.
then on the other hand there is you, who is paying for everything. despite this being unpopular in many circles, the one who pays holds all the cards. that makes you the person who should have the most say, but it also makes you the person who is *responsible*.
your brother is a dick. he is sad, because his life sucks. so he should get time to get over it. but then he *must* move on. he cannot expect to play computer games the rest of his life. your mom doesn't work either. what does she expect you to take care of her until she dies?
you should sit down with the both of them, and make a plan. because the current one isn't working. you working two jobs is going to make you sick, and ruin your life in the long run. it's time for them to step up. your mother will not kick your brother into gear. she will not do it for herself either. so you must do it. you pay for everything. nobody else will do anything. or get used to being used until your old.
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nta. you’re literally burning the candle at both ends and they’re being disrespectful. is there a reason your mother isn’t working?
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nta. you pay for him to live right now. he needs to apologize and stfu. he also needs to get treatment for his depression and start working more so he can pau for his own lawyer
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nta
why not move out?
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: around two years ago my brother betrayed his two-year girlfriend with another girl. this girl was pregnant less than 15 days after they met. my mom and i had reasonable doubts about the child being my brother's since this girl told him she had just broken up with her ex so he got mad at us and decided to leave the house that day. we shared expenses since our mom was alone and without any income. so when he left i had to take two wfh jobs and ended up working more than 16 hours a day. my brother used all his savings and credit cards to build an apartment for his new partner and the baby. after one year he came back. that relationship was awful, she had two other kids, from two ex-boyfriends. she quit her job and expected my brother to pay for everything and to come home to cook, clean, make the laundry and spend time with the baby. my brother lost everything and ended up with two loans and a pension. so right now i am the one paying for everything he and my mom need to live. he became depressed, barely eats, and is not allowed to see his baby. when he is at home he is just sleeping or playing video games, he even talked about how pointless is to live. to cheer him up, mom cooked his favorite meals, took him to the beach, and basically pampered him as much as she could. i am paying for a lawyer to help him with the legal issues. but he became lazier and lazier. he wasn't bathing, left his dirty clothes around the house and his room smelled bad. i told him that, even if i understood his depression, he had to snap out of it soon. one day my mom asked him if he could help her with the cook and he started to yell saying my mom was annoying him and how he had to help no one since he had a real job. i told him his situation was his own fault and that if he was mad, it hasn't anything to do with our mom, and basically he was a kept-man at home. but he came back with: "well look who is talking, you spend hours in front of your computer doing nothing." my mom said i was insensitive for telling my brother he was a kept, and that i had to consider his feelings and situation so i send him a message saying i didn't what to be mad at him, but i wanted him to acknowledge that what he said was wrong. he didn't reply back. so i decided not to talk to him again. yesterday my mom told me to remember he is family and that he is paying for all his bad choices in life but i want an actual apology and my mom says i am just being stubborn. i don't know what to do, should i talk to him again?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
around two years ago my brother betrayed his two-year girlfriend with another girl. this girl was pregnant less than 15 days after they met. my mom and i had reasonable doubts about the child being my brother's since this girl told him she had just broken up with her ex so he got mad at us and decided to leave the house that day. we shared expenses since our mom was alone and without any income. so when he left i had to take two wfh jobs and ended up working more than 16 hours a day. my brother used all his savings and credit cards to build an apartment for his new partner and the baby. after one year he came back. that relationship was awful, she had two other kids, from two ex-boyfriends. she quit her job and expected my brother to pay for everything and to come home to cook, clean, make the laundry and spend time with the baby. my brother lost everything and ended up with two loans and a pension. so right now i am the one paying for everything he and my mom need to live. he became depressed, barely eats, and is not allowed to see his baby. when he is at home he is just sleeping or playing video games, he even talked about how pointless is to live. to cheer him up, mom cooked his favorite meals, took him to the beach, and basically pampered him as much as she could. i am paying for a lawyer to help him with the legal issues. but he became lazier and lazier. he wasn't bathing, left his dirty clothes around the house and his room smelled bad. i told him that, even if i understood his depression, he had to snap out of it soon. one day my mom asked him if he could help her with the cook and he started to yell saying my mom was annoying him and how he had to help no one since he had a real job. i told him his situation was his own fault and that if he was mad, it hasn't anything to do with our mom, and basically he was a kept-man at home. but he came back with: "well look who is talking, you spend hours in front of your computer doing nothing." my mom said i was insensitive for telling my brother he was a kept, and that i had to consider his feelings and situation so i send him a message saying i didn't what to be mad at him, but i wanted him to acknowledge that what he said was wrong. he didn't reply back. so i decided not to talk to him again. yesterday my mom told me to remember he is family and that he is paying for all his bad choices in life but i want an actual apology and my mom says i am just being stubborn. i don't know what to do, should i talk to him again? [/INST] nta- but your mom should really man up as a parent and push him to work. you are not a slave and you should not be taking care of him. tell your mom since you pay the bills you get to speak to him the way you want until he gets a job </s>
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AITA - For telling a doctor in my building I hope his dick falls off?
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i work in a professional building (multi-leveled with multiple businesses).most days i’m pretty business dressed (some days even suits and ties). today i’m wearing a stones t-shirt, jeans, and boots (with t-shirts my tattoos stick out slightly below the sleeve cuffs).
anyways i head to use the restroom and as i am leaving a doctor from the insurance exam business next door is leaving a stall and walks out the door without washing his hands.
“aren’t you going to wash your hands with all the virus stuff going on in the news?” i asked
he looked me up and down and replied, “mind your own business!”
“yeah, next time you’re in here reaching for it, i hope your dick falls off!”
tldr: dirty mf didn’t wash hands. he judged me based on being in a t-shirt and jeans. told him i hope his dick falls off.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f9vznx/aita_for_telling_a_doctor_in_my_building_i_hope/
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2020-02-26 16:40:36
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esh. i have no idea what you were hoping to accomplish by describing your outfit. he should have washed his hands but you took it too far.
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i’m so confused. what does your attire have to do with any of this?
also, you escalated and used inappropriate words in a professional setting. poor hygiene is nothing to laugh at, so i’ll stay esh, however, instead of telling him that you hope his dick falls off, you should have just reported him to the appropriate supervisor/board.
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be honest. is this a made up attempt to show everyone how oh so witty and well dressed you are?
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esh. take it easy, dr wongburger. yeah the the guy should have washed but you acted pretty immature.
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yta. why did you bother describing your outfit? did you think that the doctor would’ve listened to you if you had been more dressed up?
nah, you just need to mind your business. maybe he was going to wash his hands in his office. yes, he’s a doctor, but he’s got no obligation to demonstrate his professionalism to you.
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esh- a doctor of all people should always wash their hands. he should be reported for not washing his hands. however, telling him “i hope your dick falls off” is very immature and not a good way to handle things.
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esh - it’s gross to not wash your hands. it’s weird you escalated so quickly- stuck your nose in his business then when he told you to mind your business you said you hoped his dick falls off? seems extreme. also wtf did we read a whole paragraph on your work attire?
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esh.
doc should wash hands.
op should wash mouth.
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nta.
not washing one's hands after using the loo is gross.
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nta a doctor of all people should be washing his hands
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.406083 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work in a professional building (multi-leveled with multiple businesses).most days i’m pretty business dressed (some days even suits and ties). today i’m wearing a stones t-shirt, jeans, and boots (with t-shirts my tattoos stick out slightly below the sleeve cuffs). anyways i head to use the restroom and as i am leaving a doctor from the insurance exam business next door is leaving a stall and walks out the door without washing his hands. “aren’t you going to wash your hands with all the virus stuff going on in the news?” i asked he looked me up and down and replied, “mind your own business!” “yeah, next time you’re in here reaching for it, i hope your dick falls off!” tldr: dirty mf didn’t wash hands. he judged me based on being in a t-shirt and jeans. told him i hope his dick falls off.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work in a professional building (multi-leveled with multiple businesses).most days i’m pretty business dressed (some days even suits and ties). today i’m wearing a stones t-shirt, jeans, and boots (with t-shirts my tattoos stick out slightly below the sleeve cuffs). anyways i head to use the restroom and as i am leaving a doctor from the insurance exam business next door is leaving a stall and walks out the door without washing his hands. “aren’t you going to wash your hands with all the virus stuff going on in the news?” i asked he looked me up and down and replied, “mind your own business!” “yeah, next time you’re in here reaching for it, i hope your dick falls off!” tldr: dirty mf didn’t wash hands. he judged me based on being in a t-shirt and jeans. told him i hope his dick falls off. [/INST] esh. i have no idea what you were hoping to accomplish by describing your outfit. he should have washed his hands but you took it too far. </s>
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AITA for not moving my cat off the washing machine when my mom tried to wash clothes?
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i have a cat named princess who i love to death, she's a big baby. she's also a little large for a cat but still plays like a kitten. my mom is afraid of her. you see, my cat sometimes doesn't know her own strength. she was playing with her and pet her while she was chasing a toy and my cat just bit mom. since then, she won't pet her, she won't even sit next to her or go anywhere near her.
today, my mom went in the laundry room to wash clothes and i hear her yelling for me. my cat decided to take a nap on top of the washing machine (it's a top loader). she told me to move her and i smiled and said no. i wasn't trying to be mean or anything, i just thought it'd be funny. she said please and i told her she'd just have to figure it out. she tried to pet her and princess just looked up at her and laid her head back down. mom barked at me to move her and lectured me that she had to wash clothes. i still refused. she tried talking to her to make her move. i told her to just pick princess up and put her on the ground.
she tried lifting the top of the washer to make her move and princess growled at her, so she ran off screaming. then she started yelling at me, how she'd take my phone and everything away and ground me and get rid of the cat and that she'd tell my dad i got in the way of her washing his uniform, oh and that i was being disrespectful. i was just joking but she was 100% serious. so i did pick her up and put her on the ground. mom gave me a sarcastic "thank you"
should i have just moved her when asked?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ngq71m/aita_for_not_moving_my_cat_off_the_washing/
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2021-05-20 04:02:21
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yta.
your mom is afraid of the cat, but she still lets it live in the house because she knows you love it. make this situation as comfortable as possible for her and move the animal that she's scared of out of her way when she's trying to do chores.
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yta. you knew that your mom is afraid of the cat and still decided not to help her out the first time she asks you to. she is doing the laundry. can you tell me where the joke is? i don’t see it.
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yta
if you don't respect your mother's boundaries about your pet you are likely to lose it. i would be very careful about being disrespectful to a woman who is allowing you to keep an animal in her home that she is obviously terrified of. while i personally think she would benefit from working through her fear of the cat, what you did isn't going to help the situation get better. don't put her in a place where getting rid of the cat is her easiest method of avoiding conflicts like these.
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yta. don't be a brat just because you "think it'll be funny."
if you care about people, you don't make their life harder on purpose. and you potentially made things worse for your cat.
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yta - just move the damn cat next time, would have spared you an argument ad needless drama. your "joke" wasn't funny, it was being an ass and trying to cover up being an asshole with the famous phrase "it was just a joke ha ha"
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>then she started yelling at me, how she'd take my phone and everything away and ground me and get rid of the cat
there is no way on this earth that i would have something in my own house that i was afraid of. the fact that "princess" is still allowed to live there is a miracle - a miracle you do not appreciate. your idea of "funny" (aka being a bully) is pathetic. stop terrorizing your mother and keep your cat away from her.
yta (and the reason i don't have kids).
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yta. why wouldn't you be? jokes are only funny if everybody laughs. your mom wasn't laughing.
laughing at, or making fun of, someone's fears is about as low as you can go. it will also make you ta automatically every time.
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100% yta. your mom's frightened of an animal who bit her, your idea of a joke was to capitalize on that. total a*hole behaviour.
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yta. just move the cat for the love of christ.
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yta, cat bites hurt.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a cat named princess who i love to death, she's a big baby. she's also a little large for a cat but still plays like a kitten. my mom is afraid of her. you see, my cat sometimes doesn't know her own strength. she was playing with her and pet her while she was chasing a toy and my cat just bit mom. since then, she won't pet her, she won't even sit next to her or go anywhere near her. today, my mom went in the laundry room to wash clothes and i hear her yelling for me. my cat decided to take a nap on top of the washing machine (it's a top loader). she told me to move her and i smiled and said no. i wasn't trying to be mean or anything, i just thought it'd be funny. she said please and i told her she'd just have to figure it out. she tried to pet her and princess just looked up at her and laid her head back down. mom barked at me to move her and lectured me that she had to wash clothes. i still refused. she tried talking to her to make her move. i told her to just pick princess up and put her on the ground. she tried lifting the top of the washer to make her move and princess growled at her, so she ran off screaming. then she started yelling at me, how she'd take my phone and everything away and ground me and get rid of the cat and that she'd tell my dad i got in the way of her washing his uniform, oh and that i was being disrespectful. i was just joking but she was 100% serious. so i did pick her up and put her on the ground. mom gave me a sarcastic "thank you" should i have just moved her when asked?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a cat named princess who i love to death, she's a big baby. she's also a little large for a cat but still plays like a kitten. my mom is afraid of her. you see, my cat sometimes doesn't know her own strength. she was playing with her and pet her while she was chasing a toy and my cat just bit mom. since then, she won't pet her, she won't even sit next to her or go anywhere near her. today, my mom went in the laundry room to wash clothes and i hear her yelling for me. my cat decided to take a nap on top of the washing machine (it's a top loader). she told me to move her and i smiled and said no. i wasn't trying to be mean or anything, i just thought it'd be funny. she said please and i told her she'd just have to figure it out. she tried to pet her and princess just looked up at her and laid her head back down. mom barked at me to move her and lectured me that she had to wash clothes. i still refused. she tried talking to her to make her move. i told her to just pick princess up and put her on the ground. she tried lifting the top of the washer to make her move and princess growled at her, so she ran off screaming. then she started yelling at me, how she'd take my phone and everything away and ground me and get rid of the cat and that she'd tell my dad i got in the way of her washing his uniform, oh and that i was being disrespectful. i was just joking but she was 100% serious. so i did pick her up and put her on the ground. mom gave me a sarcastic "thank you" should i have just moved her when asked? [/INST] yta. your mom is afraid of the cat, but she still lets it live in the house because she knows you love it. make this situation as comfortable as possible for her and move the animal that she's scared of out of her way when she's trying to do chores. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter not to send a video apology to her friend's mom?
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first post! let me have it!
a few weeks ago my daughter's (14) friend (15) came out to his mother as pansexual. his mother's response was to take him to church to be shamed by the pastor. he told his friends about it via a group chat during which my daughter called the mother a c***.
long story short, the kid's mom read the chat and was angry with my daughter. she demanded my daughter apologize or she won't let them be friends anymore, but she'll accept nothing less than a video apology. my daughter doesn't want to apologize at all and came to me for advice on how to proceed.
i told my daughter: "you should probably apologize for hurting [the mom's] feelings, but i'm not comfortable with you sending a video apology because that's just weird."
the mom got wind of my feelings on the matter and implied i'm being a shitty parent by undermining her demands for an apology.
i agree that my daughter should probably apologize if she wants to continue the friendship without the mom acting like a total hag towards her. however, i really think the video thing is over the top.
am i the asshole?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bn5fcv/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_not_to_send_a_video/
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2019-05-10 23:33:59
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nta. the video thing is super weird. what’s she going to do, put it on youtube?
if you feel like your daughter must apologize for something, i’d recommend
“karen, i want to apologize for calling you a c\*\*\*. i shouldn’t have used that language. i do not apologize for the sentiment behind it. i stand by my belief that you were out of line to shame your son for his sexuality, and i suggest you apologize to him before you lose him.”
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nta. why does she need a video? that’s bizarre.
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of course nta, fuck that old lady. your daughter doesn't owe her ignorant ass any apology. this is a great way to set an example and teach your daughter that there are bullies big and small. and that bigoted ways of thinking are always shameful and should be treated as such . you wbta if you made her apologize at all . because it would set a precedent that people can be hateful and not be judged accordingly.
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nta. she will probably use the video to cyber bully your daughter or try to make it go viral. youtube is forever and your daughter doesn't need that hanging out on the web.
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nta. thats extremely strange that the woman wants a video. that video (if sent and made) could be used for anything else if the women gets it. its also a video of a minor so its odd that the women doesn't want an apology straight up. shes the shitty parent for not being able to mature up and ask for an apology face to face.
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nta. she could apologize in person for her language (be careful she doesn't whip out a cell to record) but i can only imagine the reasons that woman wants it on video. i would bet it gets played at another shaming session.
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nta for saying no to a video apology, but yta for making your daughter apologize at all. the mother’s treatment of her child was abusive and your daughter wasn’t talking to her, just expressing to others her feelings about her awful behavior.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: first post! let me have it! a few weeks ago my daughter's (14) friend (15) came out to his mother as pansexual. his mother's response was to take him to church to be shamed by the pastor. he told his friends about it via a group chat during which my daughter called the mother a c***. long story short, the kid's mom read the chat and was angry with my daughter. she demanded my daughter apologize or she won't let them be friends anymore, but she'll accept nothing less than a video apology. my daughter doesn't want to apologize at all and came to me for advice on how to proceed. i told my daughter: "you should probably apologize for hurting [the mom's] feelings, but i'm not comfortable with you sending a video apology because that's just weird." the mom got wind of my feelings on the matter and implied i'm being a shitty parent by undermining her demands for an apology. i agree that my daughter should probably apologize if she wants to continue the friendship without the mom acting like a total hag towards her. however, i really think the video thing is over the top. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
first post! let me have it! a few weeks ago my daughter's (14) friend (15) came out to his mother as pansexual. his mother's response was to take him to church to be shamed by the pastor. he told his friends about it via a group chat during which my daughter called the mother a c***. long story short, the kid's mom read the chat and was angry with my daughter. she demanded my daughter apologize or she won't let them be friends anymore, but she'll accept nothing less than a video apology. my daughter doesn't want to apologize at all and came to me for advice on how to proceed. i told my daughter: "you should probably apologize for hurting [the mom's] feelings, but i'm not comfortable with you sending a video apology because that's just weird." the mom got wind of my feelings on the matter and implied i'm being a shitty parent by undermining her demands for an apology. i agree that my daughter should probably apologize if she wants to continue the friendship without the mom acting like a total hag towards her. however, i really think the video thing is over the top. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. the video thing is super weird. what’s she going to do, put it on youtube? if you feel like your daughter must apologize for something, i’d recommend “karen, i want to apologize for calling you a c\*\*\*. i shouldn’t have used that language. i do not apologize for the sentiment behind it. i stand by my belief that you were out of line to shame your son for his sexuality, and i suggest you apologize to him before you lose him.” </s>
|
AITA for asking her out a second time?
|
i have this coworker, sarah. sarah has been really flirty with me at work. i asked her out once. she kinda turned me down. she told me her situation was just too complicated right now.
this was months ago. a bunch of us from work went out friday night. sarah too. she asked me to get her a drink. i did. then the rest of the night i offered whenever i was going for a new one and she kept accepting. the whole night she was being flirty. she talked about my eyes. she complimented my figure. she told me i was a gentleman.
at the end of the night i asked her out again. she turned me down again. i heard from a text today from another coworker that she’s upset that i’m being “pushy”. why would you flirt and let someone buy your drinks all night if you are not interested?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/azobp1/aita_for_asking_her_out_a_second_time/
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2019-03-11 03:23:30
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nta. she’s a user. give her a wide birth - next she will be reporting you to hr.
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nah she doesn’t have to go out with you, and you thought she wanted you to ask her. maybe take this as a lesson that she is just a flirty type and that you should stay a little further away from her from now on.
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nah. i’ve given people of the opposite sex genuine compliments because i felt like it was a nice thing to say. being called a gentleman is far from flirting. the other two are a bit in between for me, i’d have to see the way she spoke to really know if she was “firting”.
but honestly i don’t care who it is, if they’re offering to buy me drinks, i’ll accept. i don’t see anything wrong with that.
|
nta
>why would you flirt and let someone buy your drinks all night if you are not interested?
because that way you get free drinks.
> she asked me to get her a drink. i did.
>
> then the rest of the night i offered whenever i was going for a new one and she kept accepting.
well, that was stupid. did you learn your lesson?
i have to say this a lot, for some reason:
if she's into you, she's going to be into you whether you buy her drinks or not.
if she's not into you, buying her drinks isn't going to change that.
**stop buying women drinks.**
|
nta
from a woman’s perspective, i’m sorry to say this but she clearly was being flirty and cute to use you for free drinks...i’ve seen a couple girlfriends do this and it’s really not cool. should move on and forget about her , op.
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nta, she's just using you. if she compliments you and acts flirty, you'll buy her drinks. just gotta stop feeding into it
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nta. welcome to the bar scene. it's what a lot of women will do.
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nta - girls like this use guys like you to get free stuff and to create drama when they’re bored.
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nta
assuming you didnt misread any hints - at this point don't even bother trying anymore, you made your intentions clear it's now up to her to make a move if she wants to go out with you.
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nta you interpreted her actions in a reasonable way but never ask her out again. whether she's a user or obtuse to social clues doesn't matter never ever ask her out again and don't flirt with her.
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have this coworker, sarah. sarah has been really flirty with me at work. i asked her out once. she kinda turned me down. she told me her situation was just too complicated right now. this was months ago. a bunch of us from work went out friday night. sarah too. she asked me to get her a drink. i did. then the rest of the night i offered whenever i was going for a new one and she kept accepting. the whole night she was being flirty. she talked about my eyes. she complimented my figure. she told me i was a gentleman. at the end of the night i asked her out again. she turned me down again. i heard from a text today from another coworker that she’s upset that i’m being “pushy”. why would you flirt and let someone buy your drinks all night if you are not interested?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have this coworker, sarah. sarah has been really flirty with me at work. i asked her out once. she kinda turned me down. she told me her situation was just too complicated right now. this was months ago. a bunch of us from work went out friday night. sarah too. she asked me to get her a drink. i did. then the rest of the night i offered whenever i was going for a new one and she kept accepting. the whole night she was being flirty. she talked about my eyes. she complimented my figure. she told me i was a gentleman. at the end of the night i asked her out again. she turned me down again. i heard from a text today from another coworker that she’s upset that i’m being “pushy”. why would you flirt and let someone buy your drinks all night if you are not interested? [/INST] nta. she’s a user. give her a wide birth - next she will be reporting you to hr. </s>
|
AITA for doing this at the grocery store?
|
was checking out at the self-checkout. realized i had two extra frozen meals that i did not need. crazy time right now - just wanted to get out quickly so i set them on top of the candy rack in front of me.
store manager confronts me. she says “are you planning on putting that back”? like for fucks sake, am i back in school? is this not what she has paid employees for? i said “i’m in a hurry, sorry” and bolted.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g0yog3/aita_for_doing_this_at_the_grocery_store/
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2020-04-14 04:16:50
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yta. yeah absolutely and lazy too.
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**yta**
at the very least you should have flagged down an employee and said something to the effect of, "i'm sorry, i'm not going to be buying these, may i give them to you to return to their section?"
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yta- they're frozen, theyll go to waste if not.
|
yta. give it to the cashier at the front, tell them you've changed your mind. there are runners who take things from the cashier's to put back, in case people take too much and can't afford it, or change their minds.
yta for assuming that some employee is just a little peon to do your bidding and putting crap away for you. they have a system already, doesn't help to find spoiled food in the candy rack.
|
they have paid employees to perform the duties in their job description. maybe their job description says something about "cleaning up after lazy, entitled customers who think they're really important." i wouldn't know, i haven't read their handbook.
still, yta.
|
yta. are the employees there your servants? you’re the one who grabbed the extra food not the manager. and then instead of having the decency to hand them over to the cashier and say i grabbed these by mistake you leave them on top of the candy so they defrost and get ruined? def an asshole move.
|
yta.
you know most of the time once frozen foods are left out of their designated areas (and if not found), they are wasted.
don’t be a dick. if you didn’t need it don’t pick it up in the first place.
|
" like for fucks sake, am i back in school? is this not what she has paid employees for"
let's break it down cause i'm stuck inside and well, you seam to need it.
you put frozen meals on top of a candy rack and didn't tell staff about it - it's gonna spoil by thawing, that thaw will cause liquid to leak and drip all over the candy making them unsellable. luckily some staff did see, and when they asked if you were leaving it there your response is "ffs" denoting anger and irritation at the very thought of you putting the thing you chose back or in the hands of someone who would.
&#x200b;
"am i back in school?"
school was about learning, math, science, geography, what have you. and yes apparently you still need to be taught by random strangers that it's not acceptable to abandon frozen foods in random locations in the store. you stating "am i back in school" makes one wonder if you were the troubled kid in class who had to be told to not behave badly, or you wouldn't have made the comment.
&#x200b;
"is this not what she has paid employees for"
believe it or not, no. the employees are there to run checkout, stock shelves and maintain the store, they are not there to be your servant, your maid. it is expected that people will behave in a respectful manner, and that does not include discarding your items willy nilly around the store.
&#x200b;
you are in the wrong and you know it or you would have not reacted with anger for being called out on it, you would have reacted with confusion.
&#x200b;
do you think it's the store employees job to clean up after you? do you think it's okay for you to piss anywhere you wish? do you feel that the people who spit on groceries are in the right?
r/entitledpeople
&#x200b;
it's not anyone's job to clean up after you unless you pay them to.
|
yta
thanks for being that absolute jerk. did your mother ever teach you respect? especially with the current situation that store manager deserves the nobel prize for showing up to work.
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with the way things are going right now, if you touch it, you should buy it.
leaving frozen items out randomly for employees to put away has to be one of the top 5 ahish things a human being can do, so yes...yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: was checking out at the self-checkout. realized i had two extra frozen meals that i did not need. crazy time right now - just wanted to get out quickly so i set them on top of the candy rack in front of me. store manager confronts me. she says “are you planning on putting that back”? like for fucks sake, am i back in school? is this not what she has paid employees for? i said “i’m in a hurry, sorry” and bolted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
was checking out at the self-checkout. realized i had two extra frozen meals that i did not need. crazy time right now - just wanted to get out quickly so i set them on top of the candy rack in front of me. store manager confronts me. she says “are you planning on putting that back”? like for fucks sake, am i back in school? is this not what she has paid employees for? i said “i’m in a hurry, sorry” and bolted. [/INST] yta. yeah absolutely and lazy too. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to speak over the phone while mourning loss of loved one?
|
specifically this is for a personal trainer that i paid 400 dollars to for a total of 12 sessions.
a quarter of the way through training i lose my sister. cancelled all future meeting with personal trainer via phone calls. she emails me the following week "are you still coming today?"
didn't see her email until 3 weeks after she sent it. didn't think i would have any important emails to keep up with, and frankly too busy to think about anything other than loss of sister.
i send her email stating that we already went through this, only this time i give her the full story. i share with her why i can't talk on the phone (because i'm an emotional basket-case). i request that she updates me on how many sessions i have left, fearing that she was charging me even after i cancelled. in return she wants to set up a phone conference for the following week.
i keep emailing her, she keeps trying to get me to call her.
today i cancelled gym membership and sent her email criticizing her lack of consideration for someone in my position. she never once told me how many sessions i had left, possibly refusing to put it into writing.
was i the asshole?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bh8nvx/aita_for_not_wanting_to_speak_over_the_phone/
|
2019-04-25 13:31:23
|
nta, i don't get why she couldn't just tell you over email, especially considering you made her aware of your situation
|
nta. i don't know why people do this, but some people seem to feel that the phone is the only way to communicate information. can be ridiculously annoying. i'm so sorry for your lost; take care of yourself!
|
nta - she doesn't sound very considerate. also what would a phone conference achieve, you've already told her your current situation.
|
nta. not sure why she was pushing to discuss over the phone other than she was going to try and convince you of something. common sales tactic is to get a customer on a call to you can up-sell. that's why most insurance companies make you give a number in order to get a quote.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: specifically this is for a personal trainer that i paid 400 dollars to for a total of 12 sessions. a quarter of the way through training i lose my sister. cancelled all future meeting with personal trainer via phone calls. she emails me the following week "are you still coming today?" didn't see her email until 3 weeks after she sent it. didn't think i would have any important emails to keep up with, and frankly too busy to think about anything other than loss of sister. i send her email stating that we already went through this, only this time i give her the full story. i share with her why i can't talk on the phone (because i'm an emotional basket-case). i request that she updates me on how many sessions i have left, fearing that she was charging me even after i cancelled. in return she wants to set up a phone conference for the following week. i keep emailing her, she keeps trying to get me to call her. today i cancelled gym membership and sent her email criticizing her lack of consideration for someone in my position. she never once told me how many sessions i had left, possibly refusing to put it into writing. was i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
specifically this is for a personal trainer that i paid 400 dollars to for a total of 12 sessions. a quarter of the way through training i lose my sister. cancelled all future meeting with personal trainer via phone calls. she emails me the following week "are you still coming today?" didn't see her email until 3 weeks after she sent it. didn't think i would have any important emails to keep up with, and frankly too busy to think about anything other than loss of sister. i send her email stating that we already went through this, only this time i give her the full story. i share with her why i can't talk on the phone (because i'm an emotional basket-case). i request that she updates me on how many sessions i have left, fearing that she was charging me even after i cancelled. in return she wants to set up a phone conference for the following week. i keep emailing her, she keeps trying to get me to call her. today i cancelled gym membership and sent her email criticizing her lack of consideration for someone in my position. she never once told me how many sessions i had left, possibly refusing to put it into writing. was i the asshole? [/INST] nta, i don't get why she couldn't just tell you over email, especially considering you made her aware of your situation </s>
|
WIBTA if I didn’t do anything my step siblings want to do since they always wake me up in the mornings?
|
i (f16) go to my dads house every other weekend. i have 3 step siblings, athan(m13), ace(m12), and ally(f9). they wake me up early in the morning every. single. day. im not even joking, i am woken up at 6 am 99% of the time i spend at my dads house. and i already wake up early to go to school on the weekdays, so sleeping in on the weekend is extremely valuable to me.
as soon as they wake up, they all meet up in the kitchen and talk very loudly, howl, bang things, laugh, and yell at eachother. my dad and step mom have already talked to them about this, and have punished them for it. but it seems they don’t care, which goes for a lot of things tbh. i’ve started asking ally to close our door (we share a room) before she leaves the room so i can at least hopefully sleep in more with them being muffled. she only did it once. now she constantly leaves the door wide open so i can hear everything. (the kitchen is like a foot away from my room)
i’ve began thinking that maybe i should start implementing a rule. i won’t do anything they want to do for the whole day if they wake me up. for example, ally’s been bugging me the past few days to help clean our room and the big mess she’s made. since she woke me up, i wont help her. another example: i have a fantastic minecraft world all the kids are obsessed with, if they want to play it but they woke me up this morning. well, too bad so sad.
i have tried talking to them and telling them how important sleep is for me. i’ve even told ally i have trouble sleeping a lot of the times and end up staying up til 3 am just thinking about things. she knows this, yet is still loud in the morning. im honestly done with them being so loud in the mornings. i always treat them with respect and kindness and never be as mean to them as they are to each other. i feel i do not deserve the lack of sleep they cause on me every time i come over, it has honestly made me dread coming over. so would i be an asshole if i started doing this?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ybj5gp/wibta_if_i_didnt_do_anything_my_step_siblings/
|
2022-10-23 14:29:38
|
nta. actions have consequences and obviously they don't respect your boundaries. only problem i have is: the parents are supposed to implement this ideas to "ground" the kids when they overstep boundaries. so maybe run this by your parents first so you don't get in trouble for being "mean".
two more years hun, you can do it.
|
nta. you're not asking them for anything out of line, or your dad & stepmom wouldn't have bothered talking to/punishing them for it. it's a very simple transaction: they want something from you, they'd better be prepared to give something to you. you've told them what you want, they won't do it, so you owe them nothing.
|
nta
&#x200b;
sounds reasonable.
&#x200b;
but can't you just stop going over?
|
nta and you should consistently make the excuse of "being too tired" to do said activities with them so they understand why and associate it with you being woken up too early.
|
nta at first i thought you meant they were waking you up because they wanted to hang out or something but it sounds like they are just being obnoxious. this idea may help and i don’t think you would be an ah for trying it.
|
nta - it is a very real physical condition that teenagers need to sleep late on the weekends because their circadian rhythms aren't geared to waking up early for high school.
that said you have every right to condition your doing stuff with them or favors or whatever based on their behaving in a certain way. this is how most children are taught acceptable behavior - they have privileges revoked or they don't get a reward or whatever.
most kids that age are perfectly capable of not making that amount of noise. when i was a kid my brother and i would have some cold cereal and watch cartoons while my parents slept. my parents got up at a "reasonable" hour on weekends - wasn't like they slept the whole morning away but they still deserved to sleep in a bit and young kids generally do wake up earlier. i mean at this point technology has advanced so there are more than just saturday cartoons but whole streaming services, computer games etc to amuse kids in a fairly quiet fashion.
|
nta. stop going if your dad isn’t putting a stop to the harassment.
|
nta. personally, i would stop trying to sleep there. you have already tried unsuccessfully to make them change their behavior. they have already been punished, and they don't care. if you want to see your father and his family, would it be possible to meet them at their home or someplace else and not stay overnight? if you can do that, it would be better than what you're going through now.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f16) go to my dads house every other weekend. i have 3 step siblings, athan(m13), ace(m12), and ally(f9). they wake me up early in the morning every. single. day. im not even joking, i am woken up at 6 am 99% of the time i spend at my dads house. and i already wake up early to go to school on the weekdays, so sleeping in on the weekend is extremely valuable to me. as soon as they wake up, they all meet up in the kitchen and talk very loudly, howl, bang things, laugh, and yell at eachother. my dad and step mom have already talked to them about this, and have punished them for it. but it seems they don’t care, which goes for a lot of things tbh. i’ve started asking ally to close our door (we share a room) before she leaves the room so i can at least hopefully sleep in more with them being muffled. she only did it once. now she constantly leaves the door wide open so i can hear everything. (the kitchen is like a foot away from my room) i’ve began thinking that maybe i should start implementing a rule. i won’t do anything they want to do for the whole day if they wake me up. for example, ally’s been bugging me the past few days to help clean our room and the big mess she’s made. since she woke me up, i wont help her. another example: i have a fantastic minecraft world all the kids are obsessed with, if they want to play it but they woke me up this morning. well, too bad so sad. i have tried talking to them and telling them how important sleep is for me. i’ve even told ally i have trouble sleeping a lot of the times and end up staying up til 3 am just thinking about things. she knows this, yet is still loud in the morning. im honestly done with them being so loud in the mornings. i always treat them with respect and kindness and never be as mean to them as they are to each other. i feel i do not deserve the lack of sleep they cause on me every time i come over, it has honestly made me dread coming over. so would i be an asshole if i started doing this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f16) go to my dads house every other weekend. i have 3 step siblings, athan(m13), ace(m12), and ally(f9). they wake me up early in the morning every. single. day. im not even joking, i am woken up at 6 am 99% of the time i spend at my dads house. and i already wake up early to go to school on the weekdays, so sleeping in on the weekend is extremely valuable to me. as soon as they wake up, they all meet up in the kitchen and talk very loudly, howl, bang things, laugh, and yell at eachother. my dad and step mom have already talked to them about this, and have punished them for it. but it seems they don’t care, which goes for a lot of things tbh. i’ve started asking ally to close our door (we share a room) before she leaves the room so i can at least hopefully sleep in more with them being muffled. she only did it once. now she constantly leaves the door wide open so i can hear everything. (the kitchen is like a foot away from my room) i’ve began thinking that maybe i should start implementing a rule. i won’t do anything they want to do for the whole day if they wake me up. for example, ally’s been bugging me the past few days to help clean our room and the big mess she’s made. since she woke me up, i wont help her. another example: i have a fantastic minecraft world all the kids are obsessed with, if they want to play it but they woke me up this morning. well, too bad so sad. i have tried talking to them and telling them how important sleep is for me. i’ve even told ally i have trouble sleeping a lot of the times and end up staying up til 3 am just thinking about things. she knows this, yet is still loud in the morning. im honestly done with them being so loud in the mornings. i always treat them with respect and kindness and never be as mean to them as they are to each other. i feel i do not deserve the lack of sleep they cause on me every time i come over, it has honestly made me dread coming over. so would i be an asshole if i started doing this? [/INST] nta. actions have consequences and obviously they don't respect your boundaries. only problem i have is: the parents are supposed to implement this ideas to "ground" the kids when they overstep boundaries. so maybe run this by your parents first so you don't get in trouble for being "mean". two more years hun, you can do it. </s>
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AITA for not paying for the majority of a family vacation?
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i recently came upon a very large amount of money, and i plan to buy a house for my girlfriend and i, as rent is something we don't want anymore. i plan on spending about 70% of this money on the house, saving 25%, and using the last 5% for spending and whatnot.
&#x200b;
my family is taking a big vacation this summer and its something we've all saved for for about 2 years now. we wanted it to be long and fulfilling (thats what she said) so we skipped vacations for the last couple years to save for a huge one. after winning, i told each member of my family they'd be getting $400 dollars each for spending and saving and whatnot, and they asked me to put that money into the family vacation instead and then just put a little extra in. i said i'd rather not as we've all been saving for our share of the vacation and want to keep it that way. that $400 each, if put into the vacation instead, would total about 75% of the total cost of the vacation, so they essentially want me to pay for everything if i include the "little extra" they want me to put in. i'd rather give them the money directly so they can spend it on what they want rather than be the person paying for the hotel and airfare and food and all that. they sounded disappointed but ultimately gave in. aita for refusing?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f5deqz/aita_for_not_paying_for_the_majority_of_a_family/
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2020-02-17 18:45:34
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nta they can just put the $400 towards the trip if it’s that big of a deal. also it’s your money, so you don’t even have to give them anything. this is a weird thing to fight over.
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this is where people that come into money make mistakes
you should've just handed each $400 and considered it a gift, which they can then do what they want with.
i say give them each their money now and tell them they're on their own to figure how they want to spend it. if they want to put it toward a "pot" for everyone, good for them-- but that's their choice.
(you could save yourself frustration in the future to consider that once cash (especially) is gifted, how the person on the receiving end spends it should not be dictated by the giver.)
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nta. it's your money and if they want to spend it on the vacation, they can do so themselves.
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nta your money, your choice. but as others have said, tell them if they want to put their $400 towards the holiday, that's their choice. likely what will happen is if you put the money towards the holiday, they'll then find other excuses to ask for money. male it clear to them that that is it, you will not be giving any more money away.
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nah. it’s essentially the same, you pay more toward the holiday and they bring their own spending money or you give them their spending money and they pay holiday costs out of their own money.
i can see why you want your gift to be for spending money - that indicates it’s a treat and your family can spend it on what they want. your family may see it as a way to meet the cost of the holiday and might not be worried about spending much while they’re there.
either way it’s a lovely gesture on your part.
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nta, and that is nice of you to offer them$400
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nah but i’m confused at the story entirely, because once you hand them that money it kind of doesn’t matter what they do with it. if they apply it to their vacation cost or just use it for “fun“ money it’s all the same to you.
| null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null | null | 0.006547 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i recently came upon a very large amount of money, and i plan to buy a house for my girlfriend and i, as rent is something we don't want anymore. i plan on spending about 70% of this money on the house, saving 25%, and using the last 5% for spending and whatnot. &#x200b; my family is taking a big vacation this summer and its something we've all saved for for about 2 years now. we wanted it to be long and fulfilling (thats what she said) so we skipped vacations for the last couple years to save for a huge one. after winning, i told each member of my family they'd be getting $400 dollars each for spending and saving and whatnot, and they asked me to put that money into the family vacation instead and then just put a little extra in. i said i'd rather not as we've all been saving for our share of the vacation and want to keep it that way. that $400 each, if put into the vacation instead, would total about 75% of the total cost of the vacation, so they essentially want me to pay for everything if i include the "little extra" they want me to put in. i'd rather give them the money directly so they can spend it on what they want rather than be the person paying for the hotel and airfare and food and all that. they sounded disappointed but ultimately gave in. aita for refusing?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i recently came upon a very large amount of money, and i plan to buy a house for my girlfriend and i, as rent is something we don't want anymore. i plan on spending about 70% of this money on the house, saving 25%, and using the last 5% for spending and whatnot. &#x200b; my family is taking a big vacation this summer and its something we've all saved for for about 2 years now. we wanted it to be long and fulfilling (thats what she said) so we skipped vacations for the last couple years to save for a huge one. after winning, i told each member of my family they'd be getting $400 dollars each for spending and saving and whatnot, and they asked me to put that money into the family vacation instead and then just put a little extra in. i said i'd rather not as we've all been saving for our share of the vacation and want to keep it that way. that $400 each, if put into the vacation instead, would total about 75% of the total cost of the vacation, so they essentially want me to pay for everything if i include the "little extra" they want me to put in. i'd rather give them the money directly so they can spend it on what they want rather than be the person paying for the hotel and airfare and food and all that. they sounded disappointed but ultimately gave in. aita for refusing? [/INST] nta they can just put the $400 towards the trip if it’s that big of a deal. also it’s your money, so you don’t even have to give them anything. this is a weird thing to fight over. </s>
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AITA when I comment on a Facebook post with only an eye roll emoji 🙄?
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my wife says i am being a jerk when i comment with only an eye roll emoji on her aunt's conspiracy theory shares on facebook. i think i'm just using it playfully like a "really?" or "seriously?" meme. she thinks it is just rude.
one of the posts that comes to mind is when she shared the story that the california wildfires are being caused by lasers from chinese satellites. 🙄
aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k8r0ez/aita_when_i_comment_on_a_facebook_post_with_only/
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2020-12-07 22:23:57
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yta, i mean why do you think you're doing the eye roll emoji? because you want to make clear in a condescending way that you think her values are stupid. is that not exactly what you're trying to achieve with an eye roll? it's a post online, scrolling past is so much faster and easier, you literally gain nothing by commenting an eye roll emoji except for you making clear that you think she's stupid. how can you not be an asshole if that's your intention?
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nah. (other than the conspiracy nuts) i keep wishing fb would actually add an eyeroll reaction
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i mean, it’s a snarky response, but you’re not wrong. maybe not the most constructive way of communicating, but i’d hesitate to call you ta.
you’d be ta if you replied to a personal post about someone’s personal life that way.
nah.
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info: are you trying to start a fight?
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nta, eyeroll away my friend. it's better than the vomit emoji. lol
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nta. if yet the aunt can’t handle reactions to her conspiracy crap, then why out them on her page? that’s the whole point...to show other ppl. yeah, you could just keep scrolling...but that emoji is pretty mild compared to spreading fake news.
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yta. not for replying with the eye roll itself, that is totally fine \*out of context, but for being intentionally dense \*about the context. do you really think your wife's aunt is going to see your comment and think "haha, oh that op", and not "op thinks i'm crazy for believing conspiracy theories"? you're ignoring the obvious meaning added by context, and furthermore, you're doing it to your wife's relative, thereby straining her familial relationships.
&#x200b;
\\\* for clarifying why my vote is in response to the question, per /u/rawrasaurusrexolini's comment
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esh - you could just keep scrolling but your hubs and auntie could grasp the fact that crazy posts are gonna get a sideways glance or eye roll from sane people
| null | null |
YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
| null | null | 0.675011 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife says i am being a jerk when i comment with only an eye roll emoji on her aunt's conspiracy theory shares on facebook. i think i'm just using it playfully like a "really?" or "seriously?" meme. she thinks it is just rude. one of the posts that comes to mind is when she shared the story that the california wildfires are being caused by lasers from chinese satellites. 🙄 aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife says i am being a jerk when i comment with only an eye roll emoji on her aunt's conspiracy theory shares on facebook. i think i'm just using it playfully like a "really?" or "seriously?" meme. she thinks it is just rude. one of the posts that comes to mind is when she shared the story that the california wildfires are being caused by lasers from chinese satellites. 🙄 aita? [/INST] yta, i mean why do you think you're doing the eye roll emoji? because you want to make clear in a condescending way that you think her values are stupid. is that not exactly what you're trying to achieve with an eye roll? it's a post online, scrolling past is so much faster and easier, you literally gain nothing by commenting an eye roll emoji except for you making clear that you think she's stupid. how can you not be an asshole if that's your intention? </s>
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AITA for eating what I want to eat instead of conforming to my family
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i am 18 years old and in college, but i do still live at my dads house as it saves me money and i’m still around my family. sometimes my classes run super late and i’m getting home at extremely late hours (around 9-10) and often i decide to just grab some fast food because i couldn’t be dammed to cook anything that late
normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, but recently my stepbrother, who is extremely overweight (5’1 and 160 lbs and in 6th grade) just started a very strict diet and his mom has him eating meal preps consisting of things that definitely don’t come through a window.
one night i come home with two taco bell burritos (i’m 6’6 and 225 lbs, i get hungry pretty fast) and i go to sit down at the table to eat them while aforementioned stepbrother is finishing up some homework. as i start eating and helping him out with his last few homework questions, his mom walks downstairs and asks why i’m “taunting” her kid by eating food that he can’t eat. i look at her confused and ask what she’s talking about, and yells at me that i’m intentionally bullying her kid by eating junk food in front of him. i tell her that i can eat what i want as i’m not on a diet, and she gets upset with me and tells me to stop bullying him
sorry for the bad grammar and formatting
tldr: stepmom upset that i’m eating junk food in-front of dieting child and that i’m “taunting” him, tell her i can eat what i want and she yells at me for being disrespectful
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2dvus/aita_for_eating_what_i_want_to_eat_instead_of/
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2019-09-10 20:28:15
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nta. it’s not your fault her kid is overweight and has to go on a strict diet at such a young age. however, out of courtesy, maybe try eating junk/fast food somewhere private or maybe when he’s not in the room. at least for now. it really does take a village sometimes.
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nta i'm overweight and unless the entire planet is going to get on my diet plan i'm going to confronted with unhealthy food. learning to control myself and make heathy choices every day is part of the process. definitely don't rub it in and definitely be supportive.
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nta. you can eat what you want and if you want to complete a diet then you must beat your ‘demons’ and temptation. and if you fail early then you have failed completely. as long as you aren’t waving it around his face and taking large bites while staring at him with a mocking look then i think you are nta.
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nta. if he's going to succeed with any diet or healthy lifestyle he needs to learn how to resist temptation regardless. staying out of sight of anything tempting is not the way to help him. teaching him discipline is key. you've done nothing wrong, she's just babying him. and for what it's worth, it sounds like he didn't even have an issue with it, just her.
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esh.
the kid's in 6th grade--his eating habits are the only ones he knows about, and he's in no position to suddenly start exercising self control overnight. he won't be able to until his new diet becomes a habit.
in the meantime, it's entirely counterproductive for you to openly eat that kind of thing next to him when he can't have it.
with that said, his mom sucks too--she could ask you to not do so like a normal person instead of going full petunia dursley and demanding that everyone bow down before her child's new diet.
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esh. you can eat what you want, but he’s just a little kid. eat at the taco bell or in your car, maybe.
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nta, i don’t know the situation but i think your stepmom sounds like a piece of work and probably embarrassed your little brother by getting at mad at you.
you’re well within your rights but would it really impact you that much to support your brother? i mean, it’s certainly not as crucial as your stepmom is making it out to be. you can still do little things for that little guy to show your support like you could have eaten at taco bell. but also, restricting food to the point that he can’t even be around people eating junk food is super unhealthy and could lead to issues with food in the future. he’s gotta learn those healthy habits, not just lose weight.
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nta.
stepmonster is an idiot.
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nta
part of a diet is learning self control. if you just set about eating and there was no teasing you're good
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nta and boy is that yo yo diet gonna fuck his shit up in future.
if he finds it difficult then maybe try to be mindful of it but also, food is food. she can chill. this is like when dudley dursley got out on a diet and harry had to eat stale cake or whatever.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am 18 years old and in college, but i do still live at my dads house as it saves me money and i’m still around my family. sometimes my classes run super late and i’m getting home at extremely late hours (around 9-10) and often i decide to just grab some fast food because i couldn’t be dammed to cook anything that late normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, but recently my stepbrother, who is extremely overweight (5’1 and 160 lbs and in 6th grade) just started a very strict diet and his mom has him eating meal preps consisting of things that definitely don’t come through a window. one night i come home with two taco bell burritos (i’m 6’6 and 225 lbs, i get hungry pretty fast) and i go to sit down at the table to eat them while aforementioned stepbrother is finishing up some homework. as i start eating and helping him out with his last few homework questions, his mom walks downstairs and asks why i’m “taunting” her kid by eating food that he can’t eat. i look at her confused and ask what she’s talking about, and yells at me that i’m intentionally bullying her kid by eating junk food in front of him. i tell her that i can eat what i want as i’m not on a diet, and she gets upset with me and tells me to stop bullying him sorry for the bad grammar and formatting tldr: stepmom upset that i’m eating junk food in-front of dieting child and that i’m “taunting” him, tell her i can eat what i want and she yells at me for being disrespectful
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am 18 years old and in college, but i do still live at my dads house as it saves me money and i’m still around my family. sometimes my classes run super late and i’m getting home at extremely late hours (around 9-10) and often i decide to just grab some fast food because i couldn’t be dammed to cook anything that late normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, but recently my stepbrother, who is extremely overweight (5’1 and 160 lbs and in 6th grade) just started a very strict diet and his mom has him eating meal preps consisting of things that definitely don’t come through a window. one night i come home with two taco bell burritos (i’m 6’6 and 225 lbs, i get hungry pretty fast) and i go to sit down at the table to eat them while aforementioned stepbrother is finishing up some homework. as i start eating and helping him out with his last few homework questions, his mom walks downstairs and asks why i’m “taunting” her kid by eating food that he can’t eat. i look at her confused and ask what she’s talking about, and yells at me that i’m intentionally bullying her kid by eating junk food in front of him. i tell her that i can eat what i want as i’m not on a diet, and she gets upset with me and tells me to stop bullying him sorry for the bad grammar and formatting tldr: stepmom upset that i’m eating junk food in-front of dieting child and that i’m “taunting” him, tell her i can eat what i want and she yells at me for being disrespectful [/INST] nta. it’s not your fault her kid is overweight and has to go on a strict diet at such a young age. however, out of courtesy, maybe try eating junk/fast food somewhere private or maybe when he’s not in the room. at least for now. it really does take a village sometimes. </s>
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WIBTA for ratting out the evening shift to the GM tomorrow?
|
so i am staying at a hotel for a convention. i know they are crazy busy because of this (and they are a downtown hotel in a major city) and normally i try to be a low maintenance guest since i understand that and my partner also work in the hotel industry for years.
but tonight i'm kinda pissed.
we stayed in the same hotel last year an had an amazing stay and could not stop singing the staff/facility's praise. we had certain amenities (mini fridge, working temp control, completely cleaned room, etc) in our room and figured they came standard so didn't think to call ahead and make sure they were here.
since we thought we would have a refrigerator, we brought perishable goods that need to be cool, figuring we'd we fine. upon getting to our room we find no fridge (please note we booked the exact same room type as our previous visit) so we call down to the desk and request one. we are told no problem maintenance will be up asap with one. sweet. we order dinner and try to settle in for the night, but always waiting for the fridge to arrive.
i should also probably note we were a bit of a late check in, we got here shortly after 8pm, which may account for some of this, but personally i don't think that should matter.
so we wait and wait. call down again an hour later to check the status of our request and ask if someone could look at our thermostat because it is suck at 85 fahrenheit. they say they will talk to maintenance again and send someone up. so a maintenance man quickly comes up and opens our windows and gives us a fan, informing us that the ac is shut off for the season hotel wide. he also has no answers about the fridge.
so we continue to call and check every hour or so, always getting the run around and hearing front desk blame maintenance about it, when finally at midnight we get a straight answer that they have none available for the night and we have to call and check around check out tomorrow to see if we could possibly get one then. we are given the option to put our items that need to be cool in the hotel refrigerators, but after being jerked around about this all night i'm not really comfortable having my food and meds 11 floors below me where i am not really able to grab them when i want/need without getting dressed and riding an ancient elevator.
i'm honestly not mad about most of what happened. i get things happen that most hotel staff have little control over. what i'm pissed about is that i was mislead/lied to until it was too late for me to go out and buy a cooler and ice, or find some other alternative. i don't want someone fired or even punished really. i just want the gm to talk to them about being honest with guests so they can find suitable solutions to whatever is going on.
so would i be the a for talking to the gm tomorrow?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/emp3ep/wibta_for_ratting_out_the_evening_shift_to_the_gm/
|
2020-01-10 10:20:43
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nta
i think the way you've worded your complaint is fair. it also sounds like the process to get it failed somewhere which a manager would want to improve.
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nta.
complain to the manager. they've been jerking you around all night after repeated attempts to solve the problems with them. you're paying good money to stay there and they owe you better service than what you've received.
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nta
if the fridge doesn't come as standard, that's one thing. lying to you about it is unacceptable though, because they kept you waiting several hours when you could've been sorting out an alternative, or enjoying your evening.
quick alternative idea: fill the sink with cold water, place your medication in a ziploc bag and leave it in there. during power outings keeping the milk in cold water helped keep it usable for longer, and is better than nothing. hopefully it would work for medication too.
|
nta
and make sure to complain about the heat as well, if it's 85 in the room the ac should be back on
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nta. you're paying to be there, and it's not cool for them to flat out lie to you. did they think they could just say one thing and get you to leave them alone? wildly unprofessional.
|
nta
i work front desk at hotel currently (i am actually at work right now) and while i understand sometimes there is miscommunication between departments, it was front desks responsibility to check in with you and follow up with your request whether it could be granted or not. you have every right to be upset- i know as someone who works the front desk i get mad at my coworkers if they don’t follow up on something and it escalates further when it could be a simple fix.
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nta. a fridge is minimum expectation. i would have kicked off too.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i am staying at a hotel for a convention. i know they are crazy busy because of this (and they are a downtown hotel in a major city) and normally i try to be a low maintenance guest since i understand that and my partner also work in the hotel industry for years. but tonight i'm kinda pissed. we stayed in the same hotel last year an had an amazing stay and could not stop singing the staff/facility's praise. we had certain amenities (mini fridge, working temp control, completely cleaned room, etc) in our room and figured they came standard so didn't think to call ahead and make sure they were here. since we thought we would have a refrigerator, we brought perishable goods that need to be cool, figuring we'd we fine. upon getting to our room we find no fridge (please note we booked the exact same room type as our previous visit) so we call down to the desk and request one. we are told no problem maintenance will be up asap with one. sweet. we order dinner and try to settle in for the night, but always waiting for the fridge to arrive. i should also probably note we were a bit of a late check in, we got here shortly after 8pm, which may account for some of this, but personally i don't think that should matter. so we wait and wait. call down again an hour later to check the status of our request and ask if someone could look at our thermostat because it is suck at 85 fahrenheit. they say they will talk to maintenance again and send someone up. so a maintenance man quickly comes up and opens our windows and gives us a fan, informing us that the ac is shut off for the season hotel wide. he also has no answers about the fridge. so we continue to call and check every hour or so, always getting the run around and hearing front desk blame maintenance about it, when finally at midnight we get a straight answer that they have none available for the night and we have to call and check around check out tomorrow to see if we could possibly get one then. we are given the option to put our items that need to be cool in the hotel refrigerators, but after being jerked around about this all night i'm not really comfortable having my food and meds 11 floors below me where i am not really able to grab them when i want/need without getting dressed and riding an ancient elevator. i'm honestly not mad about most of what happened. i get things happen that most hotel staff have little control over. what i'm pissed about is that i was mislead/lied to until it was too late for me to go out and buy a cooler and ice, or find some other alternative. i don't want someone fired or even punished really. i just want the gm to talk to them about being honest with guests so they can find suitable solutions to whatever is going on. so would i be the a for talking to the gm tomorrow?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i am staying at a hotel for a convention. i know they are crazy busy because of this (and they are a downtown hotel in a major city) and normally i try to be a low maintenance guest since i understand that and my partner also work in the hotel industry for years. but tonight i'm kinda pissed. we stayed in the same hotel last year an had an amazing stay and could not stop singing the staff/facility's praise. we had certain amenities (mini fridge, working temp control, completely cleaned room, etc) in our room and figured they came standard so didn't think to call ahead and make sure they were here. since we thought we would have a refrigerator, we brought perishable goods that need to be cool, figuring we'd we fine. upon getting to our room we find no fridge (please note we booked the exact same room type as our previous visit) so we call down to the desk and request one. we are told no problem maintenance will be up asap with one. sweet. we order dinner and try to settle in for the night, but always waiting for the fridge to arrive. i should also probably note we were a bit of a late check in, we got here shortly after 8pm, which may account for some of this, but personally i don't think that should matter. so we wait and wait. call down again an hour later to check the status of our request and ask if someone could look at our thermostat because it is suck at 85 fahrenheit. they say they will talk to maintenance again and send someone up. so a maintenance man quickly comes up and opens our windows and gives us a fan, informing us that the ac is shut off for the season hotel wide. he also has no answers about the fridge. so we continue to call and check every hour or so, always getting the run around and hearing front desk blame maintenance about it, when finally at midnight we get a straight answer that they have none available for the night and we have to call and check around check out tomorrow to see if we could possibly get one then. we are given the option to put our items that need to be cool in the hotel refrigerators, but after being jerked around about this all night i'm not really comfortable having my food and meds 11 floors below me where i am not really able to grab them when i want/need without getting dressed and riding an ancient elevator. i'm honestly not mad about most of what happened. i get things happen that most hotel staff have little control over. what i'm pissed about is that i was mislead/lied to until it was too late for me to go out and buy a cooler and ice, or find some other alternative. i don't want someone fired or even punished really. i just want the gm to talk to them about being honest with guests so they can find suitable solutions to whatever is going on. so would i be the a for talking to the gm tomorrow? [/INST] nta i think the way you've worded your complaint is fair. it also sounds like the process to get it failed somewhere which a manager would want to improve. </s>
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AITA for using sales to stick to my secret Santa budget?
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hi everyone,
this issue came to my attention today and i really don’t think i’m the asshole… so here we go.
my office had our secret santa exchange last week. rules were that we spend up to $10 per day monday- thursday and $20 on the final day, friday. so basically we end up spending a max of $60.
i have always enjoyed catching good sales and pride myself in it. i stuck to the budget exactly but my total retail price would have been much higher if i had not purchased them during a sale. for example, i bought a bath and body works candle for $10 on candle day instead of the regular priced $25.50.
today a coworker came up to me and said that a few others are upset that i decided to “show off” with my secret santa presents. i tried to explain that i bought it with sales/coupons but it hasn’t made anything better.
so aita for staying within my budget by using sales?
edit for some clarification: yes, this was voluntary! i am lucky enough to earn a good salary so the budget was reasonable for me. we also all filled out a questionnaire about our favorite things. this helps cut out a lot of the crappy gifts that are given. on friday morning we all met in the staff room to deliver our final presents which is when the santa was revealed. thank you for all your judgments!
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rfui6m/aita_for_using_sales_to_stick_to_my_secret_santa/
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2021-12-14 00:28:34
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nta. if others are too dumb to find a good deal, that’s on them. your recipient is lucky to have gotten such an awesome secret santa!
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there is no good left unpunished. nta- just don’t put effort into gifts people are going to complain about.
i feel sorry you were so thoughtful and they automatically assumed you went out of budget to show off. so what if you did, they get an extra nice present. as i have a ton of siblings we do a budget but if someone goes over it for me, i’d never complain.
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nta
are people so petty that you need to show your receipts?
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nta
i can't imagine being this salty because someone else got a candle.
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nta. you were able to be generous through your knowledge of sales. your coworker is a scrooge to even flag this as a thing.
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definitely nta. you spent within the budget, they can get good. now technically if the rules stated value instead of actual dollar spent budget, it could get hairy, but you didn't underspend, and someone is getting a nice gift. why should anything else matter?
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nta - if you can get a good deal then great. typically i go to places like ross or homegoods or marshalls to pick up my secret santa gifts because you get more bang for your buck.
plus it's secret santa, 90% of the time, it ends up being regifted or in the trash.
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nta
how is that showing off lol
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi everyone, this issue came to my attention today and i really don’t think i’m the asshole… so here we go. my office had our secret santa exchange last week. rules were that we spend up to $10 per day monday- thursday and $20 on the final day, friday. so basically we end up spending a max of $60. i have always enjoyed catching good sales and pride myself in it. i stuck to the budget exactly but my total retail price would have been much higher if i had not purchased them during a sale. for example, i bought a bath and body works candle for $10 on candle day instead of the regular priced $25.50. today a coworker came up to me and said that a few others are upset that i decided to “show off” with my secret santa presents. i tried to explain that i bought it with sales/coupons but it hasn’t made anything better. so aita for staying within my budget by using sales? edit for some clarification: yes, this was voluntary! i am lucky enough to earn a good salary so the budget was reasonable for me. we also all filled out a questionnaire about our favorite things. this helps cut out a lot of the crappy gifts that are given. on friday morning we all met in the staff room to deliver our final presents which is when the santa was revealed. thank you for all your judgments!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone, this issue came to my attention today and i really don’t think i’m the asshole… so here we go. my office had our secret santa exchange last week. rules were that we spend up to $10 per day monday- thursday and $20 on the final day, friday. so basically we end up spending a max of $60. i have always enjoyed catching good sales and pride myself in it. i stuck to the budget exactly but my total retail price would have been much higher if i had not purchased them during a sale. for example, i bought a bath and body works candle for $10 on candle day instead of the regular priced $25.50. today a coworker came up to me and said that a few others are upset that i decided to “show off” with my secret santa presents. i tried to explain that i bought it with sales/coupons but it hasn’t made anything better. so aita for staying within my budget by using sales? edit for some clarification: yes, this was voluntary! i am lucky enough to earn a good salary so the budget was reasonable for me. we also all filled out a questionnaire about our favorite things. this helps cut out a lot of the crappy gifts that are given. on friday morning we all met in the staff room to deliver our final presents which is when the santa was revealed. thank you for all your judgments! [/INST] nta. if others are too dumb to find a good deal, that’s on them. your recipient is lucky to have gotten such an awesome secret santa! </s>
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AITA for not giving my mum spending money?
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basically, my sister is taking our mum on holiday for a week. its a week after mums birthday, which instead of the gift i had bought her i have her money. (i accepted that mum'd rather have cash than the gifts i had bought - our family has a spending limit for birrhdays etc.)
dad and brother have now given mum extra spending money, while i plan to give her and sister money for the airport. a few weeks ago mum asked how much spending money i was giving her. between my brother, dad and her birthday money she has over £500. i told her i gave her cash for her birthday, and am giving her and sister money for the airport. mum laughed it off.
yesterday dad asked how much i was giving mum and i pointed out she had just gotten birthday money and i was giving her money for the airport.
dad pointed out i have money saved and "giving your mum spending money won't hurt". i repeated what i told mum and said the money was being saved so i can pay for my 1st year of uni (which my parents have been going on about in support), and that i have been saving money where i can and stick to a very strict budget.
while mum was looking at exchange rates she asked how much i was giving her. i repeated i wasn't giving her spending money, just money for at the airport. she called me a miser, money hungry, mean etc.
i don't think i'm the asshole because she's an adult with her own budget, and she received a lot of money recently due to her birthday. my family think i'm the asshole because i have savings and could give her a few hundred.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/voy4pf/aita_for_not_giving_my_mum_spending_money/
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2022-07-01 11:01:24
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nta she's a grown arsed woman and they shouldn't be guilt tripping their kid into giving them spending money for a holiday. just because others chose to doesn't mean you have too.
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nta. why would a parent expect their child to give them extra spending money for a vacation?
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nta. why on earth would you give your mother spending money if you're a student? your family must know your financial situation.
do you all give each other expensive presents all the time?
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nta, your mom is an adult and if your dad wants to give her money, he can. you are their child, it is not your responsibility to pay the way for your parents.
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nta. suppose you give her money out of your savings. do you think that's the end of it, or will there be other reasons she wants you to give her money? taking out a few pounds here and there is a good way of ending up with no savings.
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nta and if you're under age, and they have access to your account, please keep watch of your transactions. they're not respecting your boundaries regarding how responsible you are with your money, and after how they've reacted, i wouldn't put it past them to go into your account and withdraw whatever they want. if you're over 18, then please restrict they're access to your account and possibly switch banks (without telling them).
learn this lesson now, don't speak of your finances. people who think you're well off and have bad intentions, will try to take advantage. and the worst perpetrators of this are family.
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she is an adult and should not be relying on her child to pay for her vacation. you would not be the asshole for not giving her money, especially when you gave her birthday money.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: basically, my sister is taking our mum on holiday for a week. its a week after mums birthday, which instead of the gift i had bought her i have her money. (i accepted that mum'd rather have cash than the gifts i had bought - our family has a spending limit for birrhdays etc.) dad and brother have now given mum extra spending money, while i plan to give her and sister money for the airport. a few weeks ago mum asked how much spending money i was giving her. between my brother, dad and her birthday money she has over £500. i told her i gave her cash for her birthday, and am giving her and sister money for the airport. mum laughed it off. yesterday dad asked how much i was giving mum and i pointed out she had just gotten birthday money and i was giving her money for the airport. dad pointed out i have money saved and "giving your mum spending money won't hurt". i repeated what i told mum and said the money was being saved so i can pay for my 1st year of uni (which my parents have been going on about in support), and that i have been saving money where i can and stick to a very strict budget. while mum was looking at exchange rates she asked how much i was giving her. i repeated i wasn't giving her spending money, just money for at the airport. she called me a miser, money hungry, mean etc. i don't think i'm the asshole because she's an adult with her own budget, and she received a lot of money recently due to her birthday. my family think i'm the asshole because i have savings and could give her a few hundred.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
basically, my sister is taking our mum on holiday for a week. its a week after mums birthday, which instead of the gift i had bought her i have her money. (i accepted that mum'd rather have cash than the gifts i had bought - our family has a spending limit for birrhdays etc.) dad and brother have now given mum extra spending money, while i plan to give her and sister money for the airport. a few weeks ago mum asked how much spending money i was giving her. between my brother, dad and her birthday money she has over £500. i told her i gave her cash for her birthday, and am giving her and sister money for the airport. mum laughed it off. yesterday dad asked how much i was giving mum and i pointed out she had just gotten birthday money and i was giving her money for the airport. dad pointed out i have money saved and "giving your mum spending money won't hurt". i repeated what i told mum and said the money was being saved so i can pay for my 1st year of uni (which my parents have been going on about in support), and that i have been saving money where i can and stick to a very strict budget. while mum was looking at exchange rates she asked how much i was giving her. i repeated i wasn't giving her spending money, just money for at the airport. she called me a miser, money hungry, mean etc. i don't think i'm the asshole because she's an adult with her own budget, and she received a lot of money recently due to her birthday. my family think i'm the asshole because i have savings and could give her a few hundred. [/INST] nta she's a grown arsed woman and they shouldn't be guilt tripping their kid into giving them spending money for a holiday. just because others chose to doesn't mean you have too. </s>
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AITA for staying up after my family has gone to bed to play video games?
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i'm an almost 30 y/o father of two (boy 4) (girl 5 months). i never have time to play games during the weekend or normal waking hours so i usually take tuesday, thursday, and saturday or sunday night after everyone has gone to bed to play 2-4 hours of a game before going to sleep.
lately my wife has been making rather snarky comments about this along the lines of "oh you're going to play that stupid game again?" when i go to bed with her there is no sexy time as the young child is still in our room and she just watches some show i'm not into or she stares at her phone. so i dont think my presence is really necessary.
i make sure both kids are bed ready and i read the older child a book before bed each night before i go sit and play for a bit.
i think it's reasonable, what about you guys and gals?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eh89tx/aita_for_staying_up_after_my_family_has_gone_to/
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2019-12-29 17:02:02
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nta
as long as staying up isn't interfering with your parental responsibilities. sounds like your wife is being kinda a jerk about you gaming hobby though. maybe just give her a kiss and tuck her in before you go play. make sure she knows she's cared about.
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nah, but cuddling with your wife and laying down with her a few times a week would be good for your marriage.
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nah. this isn't an asshole situation, it's a matter of discussing with your wife what her expectations are. if she has a different agenda, you should probably find out what that is and whether or not that alternative is more important to the health of your family than your current actions.
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info: who wakes up with the kids? does staying up late make it so she always has morning duties even in the weekends? is she getting enough sleep? does she have any other adults to talk to besides you, or are you depriving her of what little adult conversation she gets?
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nta - you are still being a good parent by helping the kids get ready for bed. there is no reason to rush to bed with your so if she is doing her own thing. i never understand why people think they need to fall asleep together.
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nta - my husband has always been a gamer and i never for 1 second expected that to change even after having a kid. we have settled into a nice routine where we put the lo down, spend about an hour or so together gaming, watching shows, sexy time, etc. and then go our separate ways. he is a night owl and i prefer to get 8-9 hours of sleep.
let your partner know that gaming is an important hobby to you and work with her to set up a routine that works for the both of you. my husband always "tucks me in" for 10 min or so and gets my show set up along with an occasional back rub before heading to his gaming layer. those little things make all the difference. i don't think i've bugged him about it since we set our routine 8 years ago.
good luck!
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.041409 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm an almost 30 y/o father of two (boy 4) (girl 5 months). i never have time to play games during the weekend or normal waking hours so i usually take tuesday, thursday, and saturday or sunday night after everyone has gone to bed to play 2-4 hours of a game before going to sleep. lately my wife has been making rather snarky comments about this along the lines of "oh you're going to play that stupid game again?" when i go to bed with her there is no sexy time as the young child is still in our room and she just watches some show i'm not into or she stares at her phone. so i dont think my presence is really necessary. i make sure both kids are bed ready and i read the older child a book before bed each night before i go sit and play for a bit. i think it's reasonable, what about you guys and gals?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm an almost 30 y/o father of two (boy 4) (girl 5 months). i never have time to play games during the weekend or normal waking hours so i usually take tuesday, thursday, and saturday or sunday night after everyone has gone to bed to play 2-4 hours of a game before going to sleep. lately my wife has been making rather snarky comments about this along the lines of "oh you're going to play that stupid game again?" when i go to bed with her there is no sexy time as the young child is still in our room and she just watches some show i'm not into or she stares at her phone. so i dont think my presence is really necessary. i make sure both kids are bed ready and i read the older child a book before bed each night before i go sit and play for a bit. i think it's reasonable, what about you guys and gals? [/INST] nta as long as staying up isn't interfering with your parental responsibilities. sounds like your wife is being kinda a jerk about you gaming hobby though. maybe just give her a kiss and tuck her in before you go play. make sure she knows she's cared about. </s>
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AITA for not paying the shipping costs for a gift mailed to me?
|
my wife (30f) an i (30m) were expecting our first child. due to some life circumstances, we decided to move from the city we were living in to a location that was much nearer to our families. closest to us now, were my sister (34f) and my dad (67m). we ended up moving about 3 months before the child was due and got a short term contract on an apartment. we did this so we could have a few months to look for a more permanent home to rent or purchase.
about one to two months before my child was due, my sister told me that her friend (35f) in nyc wanted to send me a big box of baby clothes that she no longer uses for her kid. i met this person once or twice in my life, and we got along great, so i thought it was a really sweet gift and told my sister that it would be most appreciated.
we eventually find a house to move into. there was a lot of planning involved, since my wife was pregnant, and i reached out to my family well ahead of time to request help. both my dad and sister helped with the move.
a day or so after moving, i get a text from my sister saying that her friend had sent the package and was wondering if i had received it. i told her i had not but i’ll keep an eye out. a day or so later and after still not receiving the package, i texted my sister asking what address she gave her friend. my sister replied that she had given her the short-term apartment address – the place i just moved from. i head over to the managing office of the apartment and ask if they received the package. they tell me that they reject all packages for non-residents.
i let my sister know this and she’s annoyed with me about this circumstance. i tell her that it was dumb to provide my old address, especially when she knew that i was moving so soon. my sister then informs me that her friend used her company’s fedex mail service to send the package, something she should not have done and she had to secretly pay the company \~$35 to mail the package, which was apparently a big hassle for her. my sister was telling me that i needed to repay her friend the costs to ship the package. her friend also said she was willing to mail the package again, but wanted the shipping covered.
i told my sister that i thought that was absolutely ridiculous. why would i have to pay for a package that i did not request, that was a gift, and was delivered to the wrong address at no fault of my own. my sister ended up paying her friend the money, which i also thought was dumb. i felt that as an adult, it’s your responsibility to pay for a package when mailing something out. both my dad and my sister thought i was ta for not paying the $35, but i felt that it was similar to mailing someone a birthday gift and then calling them up and asking for payment for the shipping costs for the gift.
i did send a message to my sister’s friend apologizing that there was an address mix-up and thanked her for her efforts. but i did not request that she tried mailing it again to the right address.
so, aita?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mrdsdo/aita_for_not_paying_the_shipping_costs_for_a_gift/
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2021-04-15 12:38:40
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nta.
she took it upon herself to send the items and it wasn't your fault she sent it to the wrong address.
if anything, your sister refunding the money is fair since she gave her friend the wrong address. but you were not under any obligation.
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> my sister ended up paying her friend the money, which i also thought was dumb.
imo, your sister made the mistake of giving her the wrong address, so her paying back the $35 is only fair.
that the friend used her company's shipping service was not smart.
unless there was an agreement beforehand between you and her friend that you'd pay the shipping costs, then i don't think you owe anybody $35.
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nta. your sister made the error. the $35 is her responsibility
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife (30f) an i (30m) were expecting our first child. due to some life circumstances, we decided to move from the city we were living in to a location that was much nearer to our families. closest to us now, were my sister (34f) and my dad (67m). we ended up moving about 3 months before the child was due and got a short term contract on an apartment. we did this so we could have a few months to look for a more permanent home to rent or purchase. about one to two months before my child was due, my sister told me that her friend (35f) in nyc wanted to send me a big box of baby clothes that she no longer uses for her kid. i met this person once or twice in my life, and we got along great, so i thought it was a really sweet gift and told my sister that it would be most appreciated. we eventually find a house to move into. there was a lot of planning involved, since my wife was pregnant, and i reached out to my family well ahead of time to request help. both my dad and sister helped with the move. a day or so after moving, i get a text from my sister saying that her friend had sent the package and was wondering if i had received it. i told her i had not but i’ll keep an eye out. a day or so later and after still not receiving the package, i texted my sister asking what address she gave her friend. my sister replied that she had given her the short-term apartment address – the place i just moved from. i head over to the managing office of the apartment and ask if they received the package. they tell me that they reject all packages for non-residents. i let my sister know this and she’s annoyed with me about this circumstance. i tell her that it was dumb to provide my old address, especially when she knew that i was moving so soon. my sister then informs me that her friend used her company’s fedex mail service to send the package, something she should not have done and she had to secretly pay the company \~$35 to mail the package, which was apparently a big hassle for her. my sister was telling me that i needed to repay her friend the costs to ship the package. her friend also said she was willing to mail the package again, but wanted the shipping covered. i told my sister that i thought that was absolutely ridiculous. why would i have to pay for a package that i did not request, that was a gift, and was delivered to the wrong address at no fault of my own. my sister ended up paying her friend the money, which i also thought was dumb. i felt that as an adult, it’s your responsibility to pay for a package when mailing something out. both my dad and my sister thought i was ta for not paying the $35, but i felt that it was similar to mailing someone a birthday gift and then calling them up and asking for payment for the shipping costs for the gift. i did send a message to my sister’s friend apologizing that there was an address mix-up and thanked her for her efforts. but i did not request that she tried mailing it again to the right address. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife (30f) an i (30m) were expecting our first child. due to some life circumstances, we decided to move from the city we were living in to a location that was much nearer to our families. closest to us now, were my sister (34f) and my dad (67m). we ended up moving about 3 months before the child was due and got a short term contract on an apartment. we did this so we could have a few months to look for a more permanent home to rent or purchase. about one to two months before my child was due, my sister told me that her friend (35f) in nyc wanted to send me a big box of baby clothes that she no longer uses for her kid. i met this person once or twice in my life, and we got along great, so i thought it was a really sweet gift and told my sister that it would be most appreciated. we eventually find a house to move into. there was a lot of planning involved, since my wife was pregnant, and i reached out to my family well ahead of time to request help. both my dad and sister helped with the move. a day or so after moving, i get a text from my sister saying that her friend had sent the package and was wondering if i had received it. i told her i had not but i’ll keep an eye out. a day or so later and after still not receiving the package, i texted my sister asking what address she gave her friend. my sister replied that she had given her the short-term apartment address – the place i just moved from. i head over to the managing office of the apartment and ask if they received the package. they tell me that they reject all packages for non-residents. i let my sister know this and she’s annoyed with me about this circumstance. i tell her that it was dumb to provide my old address, especially when she knew that i was moving so soon. my sister then informs me that her friend used her company’s fedex mail service to send the package, something she should not have done and she had to secretly pay the company \~$35 to mail the package, which was apparently a big hassle for her. my sister was telling me that i needed to repay her friend the costs to ship the package. her friend also said she was willing to mail the package again, but wanted the shipping covered. i told my sister that i thought that was absolutely ridiculous. why would i have to pay for a package that i did not request, that was a gift, and was delivered to the wrong address at no fault of my own. my sister ended up paying her friend the money, which i also thought was dumb. i felt that as an adult, it’s your responsibility to pay for a package when mailing something out. both my dad and my sister thought i was ta for not paying the $35, but i felt that it was similar to mailing someone a birthday gift and then calling them up and asking for payment for the shipping costs for the gift. i did send a message to my sister’s friend apologizing that there was an address mix-up and thanked her for her efforts. but i did not request that she tried mailing it again to the right address. so, aita? [/INST] nta. she took it upon herself to send the items and it wasn't your fault she sent it to the wrong address. if anything, your sister refunding the money is fair since she gave her friend the wrong address. but you were not under any obligation. </s>
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AITA for not letting my sister bring my markers to school?
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school is starting soon where i (16f) live. the other day my sister (10) was scavenging the house for supplies from her list. my parents are pretty frugal, and rarley ever make big purchases unless it is for a special occasion. she and my mom were able to find everything, but all of the markers we had were dried out. my mom suggested she ask me for my ohuhu markers.
&#x200b;
i am an artist, and i take art very seriously. i had gotten the markers for my birthday and had been asking for them for a while. i used them a lot, but after several years i switched to digital art and use them once a week or so. just in case this is nescessary for a judgment, they were $45.
&#x200b;
when my sister came to my room and asked for them, i told her no. she came running back to mom, and told her what i said. my mom got angry at me, saying that i should at least let her bring a few colors to school and maybe bring them back. i knew my sister would not bring them back, and possibly let them dry out as she always does with markers, and refused. my mom yelled that she bought them for me, and i should atleast let my sister borrow a few of the markers she paid for.
&#x200b;
i ended up giving my sister one dollar just to buy some crayola markers, as it was not worth fighting over. i think that this whole thing is pretty stupid, but was i in the wrong? was i being entitled?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wl8wx7/aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_bring_my_markers/
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2022-08-10 21:10:16
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nta. your parents should buy her the supplies she needs for school if there are no leftovers from prior years. i would hide your markers.
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nta
if these are those expensive alcohol markers (i'm an artist, i would know), your sister probably wouldn't know how to use them and your $45 markers would be ruined. crayola markers are sufficient for someone her age.
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“we gave you these for your birthday, but we’re too cheap to shell out for our other kid. we paid for them originally, so surprise. now you have to share them, even though they’re a serious art supply that wasn’t meant to be abused by children and will likely be stolen by her classmates since they’re fancy.”
nta.
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nta- they are your markers and the value and your use for them is relevant. you did the right thing by holding your ground.
your parents should ease on the frugality if they don't want to spend a dollar on some crayola markers.
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nta. 45 dollar markers are not an appropriate school supply unless you're doing serious art.
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nta.
your parents can’t excuse this by just being frugal and making use of things they already have, they feel entitled to give your expensive art markers to your sister instead of just spending $5 on a pack of crayolas. it shouldn’t be your responsibility to provide your little sister with proper school supplies.
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nta. your markers are for your craft, they aren't generic school supplies. despite your frustration, you helped your sister get the markers she needed; i think that's mature and thoughtful of you.
your mother, on the other hand, gave you a special gift that has meaning to you and now claims she still has ownership. she wants you to give some of them to your sister, who doesn't take care of things well, as if they were dollar store markers. she's taking back your birthday gift for her own convenience. that's a whole other area you may not want to delve into. content yourself that you acted with grace and maturity in a difficult situation. you are being the role model your sister will appreciate one day.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: school is starting soon where i (16f) live. the other day my sister (10) was scavenging the house for supplies from her list. my parents are pretty frugal, and rarley ever make big purchases unless it is for a special occasion. she and my mom were able to find everything, but all of the markers we had were dried out. my mom suggested she ask me for my ohuhu markers. &#x200b; i am an artist, and i take art very seriously. i had gotten the markers for my birthday and had been asking for them for a while. i used them a lot, but after several years i switched to digital art and use them once a week or so. just in case this is nescessary for a judgment, they were $45. &#x200b; when my sister came to my room and asked for them, i told her no. she came running back to mom, and told her what i said. my mom got angry at me, saying that i should at least let her bring a few colors to school and maybe bring them back. i knew my sister would not bring them back, and possibly let them dry out as she always does with markers, and refused. my mom yelled that she bought them for me, and i should atleast let my sister borrow a few of the markers she paid for. &#x200b; i ended up giving my sister one dollar just to buy some crayola markers, as it was not worth fighting over. i think that this whole thing is pretty stupid, but was i in the wrong? was i being entitled?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
school is starting soon where i (16f) live. the other day my sister (10) was scavenging the house for supplies from her list. my parents are pretty frugal, and rarley ever make big purchases unless it is for a special occasion. she and my mom were able to find everything, but all of the markers we had were dried out. my mom suggested she ask me for my ohuhu markers. &#x200b; i am an artist, and i take art very seriously. i had gotten the markers for my birthday and had been asking for them for a while. i used them a lot, but after several years i switched to digital art and use them once a week or so. just in case this is nescessary for a judgment, they were $45. &#x200b; when my sister came to my room and asked for them, i told her no. she came running back to mom, and told her what i said. my mom got angry at me, saying that i should at least let her bring a few colors to school and maybe bring them back. i knew my sister would not bring them back, and possibly let them dry out as she always does with markers, and refused. my mom yelled that she bought them for me, and i should atleast let my sister borrow a few of the markers she paid for. &#x200b; i ended up giving my sister one dollar just to buy some crayola markers, as it was not worth fighting over. i think that this whole thing is pretty stupid, but was i in the wrong? was i being entitled? [/INST] nta. your parents should buy her the supplies she needs for school if there are no leftovers from prior years. i would hide your markers. </s>
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AITAH for refusing to see my sister and her family because I'm disappointed in her and have a low opinion of her as a person.
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tl;dr i had a life threatening health condition for four years. my sister ignored me during this period saying i was obsessed about it and she didn't have time to help because she has kids. now i'm cured i don't want her in my life and it's hurting my mum to see her kids estranged.
i recently went through a life threatening medical condition which lasted 4 years. it's a new one and the doctors didn't know how to treat it. i was alone in choosing my treatment options which had serious risks and was forced to make life or death choices alone.
my sister is a lot smarter than me and constantly promised to look into it to help me decide what to do but every time i spoke to her she hadn't looked into it and didn't want to talk about it because she felt i was obsessing over it. i spent about 9 months in a burn ward from it, had multiple instances of blood poisoning and ended up with all viral infection of my brain. she visited me once, as she was going to a restaurant near by and popped in.
she has kids and said she didn't have time because of them (she works part time as a primary school teacher) and was upset with me because i didn't engage with her and her life and family during this time because i was obsessing over my health.
now i'm cured i don't want anything to do with her. she's not a bad person as such, just in my view she's very selfish and won't take time to help anyone (me or my mum who was caring for me) if it was inconvenient. that's not the kind of person i want in my life.
now i'm hurting my mum by saying i don't want to see her, and hurting my young nephews because i don't come over to play with them anymore as i can't stand seeing my sister or her husband.
am i being an arseholes for choosing not to have her in my life, given it hurts my mum to see her two children estranged and depriving my nephews of their uncle?
for reference the condition i had was called red skin syndrome, or topical steroid withdrawal.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d5ww2w/aitah_for_refusing_to_see_my_sister_and_her/
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2019-09-18 12:15:27
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nta, she ignored you at a time you needed her, and made it clear you can't rely on her. there's no point in cultivating people like that.
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nta at all. she sounds terrible, if she wasn’t there for something that serious, then you should make no effort to have any sort of relationship, the only advice i would offer is to consider your nephews though. it sounds like you had a good relationship with them and i would try and keep that intact because they aren’t responsible for their mother. just talk to you sister and tell her you want to spend time with your nephews but you cannot maintain a close relationship with her.
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nta. i went through something similar, and like you, my sister's the most selfish, self-serving person i know. will literally never lift a finger for anyone else unless it benefits her. they need to know there's consequences to their actions. before cutting her out, you should explain to her and let her know why you are doing what you're doing.
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nta - i cut my brother out of my life for much less. only time i see him is during family get togethers that my parents set up. i'm cordual there but don't go out of my way to talk to him.
you have every right to feel like you do. i hate the kids excuse. kids are a choice. your situation was not a choice and "obsessing over it". i mean who wouldn't when the end result could be death.
you do you. you don't need her stress. just tell your mom that your sister hurt you and you dont think you can forgive that. but mom has a point with nephews. they don't deserve the withdrawal (if you were close to them before the illness)
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nta, but maybe with time you can forgive? your sister probably didn't set out to be the asshole, if they doctors couldn't figure it out, she probably couldn't figure it out on google either, so had no insight to give you, and felt she was letting you down.
so she couldn't talk about your illness, because she had no answers, and couldn't talk about her own life and stress because you didn't want to hear it, which is totally fair, but likely made it harder for her to actually be there for you.
i can't imagine what you went through, (this is topical steroid withdrawal, for those wondering: https://www.instagram.com/p/bxoka7rhudj/?igshid=1cezzi3e15eh4 ) and i'm sure you felt all alone, but maybe it was for the best that you made your own informed treatment decisions... what if she had pushed for something that made it worse? that would have made her feel more guilty, and probably make you resent her more.
it's not fair of your mom to push it, take your time, protect your heart, but maybe keep the lines of communication open. your sister didn't know what to do and dropped the ball, but if she can make it up to you by being better now, let her.
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nta you really have no obligation to keep aom one in your life, even if they are family. i'm sorry your mom doesn't understand how this had affected you and that your sister showed such little empathy during such a troubling time
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nta
your sister sounds like a real piece of work. i don't blame you for trying to cut her out of your life.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: tl;dr i had a life threatening health condition for four years. my sister ignored me during this period saying i was obsessed about it and she didn't have time to help because she has kids. now i'm cured i don't want her in my life and it's hurting my mum to see her kids estranged. i recently went through a life threatening medical condition which lasted 4 years. it's a new one and the doctors didn't know how to treat it. i was alone in choosing my treatment options which had serious risks and was forced to make life or death choices alone. my sister is a lot smarter than me and constantly promised to look into it to help me decide what to do but every time i spoke to her she hadn't looked into it and didn't want to talk about it because she felt i was obsessing over it. i spent about 9 months in a burn ward from it, had multiple instances of blood poisoning and ended up with all viral infection of my brain. she visited me once, as she was going to a restaurant near by and popped in. she has kids and said she didn't have time because of them (she works part time as a primary school teacher) and was upset with me because i didn't engage with her and her life and family during this time because i was obsessing over my health. now i'm cured i don't want anything to do with her. she's not a bad person as such, just in my view she's very selfish and won't take time to help anyone (me or my mum who was caring for me) if it was inconvenient. that's not the kind of person i want in my life. now i'm hurting my mum by saying i don't want to see her, and hurting my young nephews because i don't come over to play with them anymore as i can't stand seeing my sister or her husband. am i being an arseholes for choosing not to have her in my life, given it hurts my mum to see her two children estranged and depriving my nephews of their uncle? for reference the condition i had was called red skin syndrome, or topical steroid withdrawal.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
tl;dr i had a life threatening health condition for four years. my sister ignored me during this period saying i was obsessed about it and she didn't have time to help because she has kids. now i'm cured i don't want her in my life and it's hurting my mum to see her kids estranged. i recently went through a life threatening medical condition which lasted 4 years. it's a new one and the doctors didn't know how to treat it. i was alone in choosing my treatment options which had serious risks and was forced to make life or death choices alone. my sister is a lot smarter than me and constantly promised to look into it to help me decide what to do but every time i spoke to her she hadn't looked into it and didn't want to talk about it because she felt i was obsessing over it. i spent about 9 months in a burn ward from it, had multiple instances of blood poisoning and ended up with all viral infection of my brain. she visited me once, as she was going to a restaurant near by and popped in. she has kids and said she didn't have time because of them (she works part time as a primary school teacher) and was upset with me because i didn't engage with her and her life and family during this time because i was obsessing over my health. now i'm cured i don't want anything to do with her. she's not a bad person as such, just in my view she's very selfish and won't take time to help anyone (me or my mum who was caring for me) if it was inconvenient. that's not the kind of person i want in my life. now i'm hurting my mum by saying i don't want to see her, and hurting my young nephews because i don't come over to play with them anymore as i can't stand seeing my sister or her husband. am i being an arseholes for choosing not to have her in my life, given it hurts my mum to see her two children estranged and depriving my nephews of their uncle? for reference the condition i had was called red skin syndrome, or topical steroid withdrawal. [/INST] nta, she ignored you at a time you needed her, and made it clear you can't rely on her. there's no point in cultivating people like that. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to host my Husbands drinking buddies at my house tonight
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for back story i am a 37f married to my husband 38f for 15 years together for 20. i am bery much an introvert who does not drink at all. my husband is a extrovert who drinks probably more than he should (5 days a week, 8-15 beers a night).
both my parents were alcoholics, my mom passed away at 57, 3 years ago due to alcohol related issues. i have had no relationship with my father since i was 9, due to drug and alcohol issues. so i fully admit i am no fan of being around drunk people.
most weeks my husband hangs out with his work buddies, drinking.... allot 24 case of beer each. i do not enjoy these gatherings as one i am the only one not drinking, and i am normally left with the only other wife, who is a heavy drinker and every emotional and argumentative while drinking.
if i do not attend i happily drive and pick up my husband.
this week, i have had a rough week. this weekend is also packed and is going to be stressful. so when my husband called me on his lunch break, i asked for a week off from his friday night parties. i'm in a terrible mood and just didn't want to deal with a bunch of drunks. he agreed, said no problem, so i thought that was the end.
when he was off he called me and told me everyone is coming to our place tonight. i asked, why, i explained i didn't want to do this tonight and he agreed. he said, that he agreed to me not driving and got very upset that i was upset because he has a right to his social life.
i agreed, fair enough take a uber to your friends then. i am working late from home, the house is a mess and i already explained i was having a very bad day, week and upcoming weekend.
he exploded on me for being a introvert, and how i don't like anyone and i always want to just stay st home with the kids or read or something else boring. and that i make him miserable because i won't be more social.
i explained that was unfair and i do go to these gathering about once a month, and drive him the rest of the time. he says that is exactly it, he always has to make excuses for me. i asked why would he make an excuse, explain im introverted and just didn't want to go. at which point he told me he is embarrassed i am an introvert and he wouldn't tell anyone that. and he is not going to say his wife would rather read than be social.
this hurts and confuses me. we have always been different but i don't understand why this would embarrass him at all. i thought u was a good wife for driving him and not getting upset at how drunk he gets. why should i have to go? especially when he knows how much i hate it. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u9sipf/aita_for_not_wanting_to_host_my_husbands_drinking/
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2022-04-23 00:07:09
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nta, and your husband is very much an alcoholic. i hope you can fully acknowledge that and act accordingly.
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nta and your husband needs professional help. he’s a full blown alcoholic.
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nta...as a member of aa, i'd say you look into al-anon. alcoholics are broken people; so are the people who stay with them. as per the typical alcoholic behavior, he is self-centered and lacks emotional stability. you are entitled to say no. his emotional reaction is not your fault.
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nta. 8+ beers a night? your husband is a florid alcoholic, as are all his friends. if you want to live with an alcoholic husband, that's your prerogative, but he's not going to get better on his own.
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nta. it isn’t your responsibility to enable your husband’s alcoholism, nor is it your responsibility to change who you are to make others more comfortable. have you told him you’re tired of having to lie to people about his partying and excessive drinking and that it embarrasses you?
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nta- that’s way to much booze. period.
let me ask you this- and i’m not judging you just saying how simple this is… if something happened to your kids, or to you, could your husband take care of you after 8-15 drinks? not to mention the health problems he’ll soon face that your family has already experienced.
the party is irrelevant. that’s too much. it’s not an easy thing to fix, but i hope he can turn around and i wish you the best.
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**nta, but i have to tell you, it's incredibly ironic that you're the one asking if you're the ah here when your husband is a raging alcoholic, and there's literally absolutely nothing wrong with you, your preferences, or your behaviour.**
dear op, when you say that you're confused about why any of this would embarrass him, that's because it shouldn't. being an introvert is not something to be ashamed of. it's a perfectly normal character trait. and frankly, the fact that he's "embarrassed" that you enjoy spending a quiet evening at home reading instead of needing to party constantly likely speaks to his own subconscious need to validate his own lousy behaviour. he's embarrassed because somewhere way back in his deepest brain he understands that it's his behaviour that is embarrassing. it's the same reason peer pressure exists. if you can be happy not doing the self-destructive, obnoxious things that he needs to do in order to "have fun" then some part of him understands that maybe he's doing it wrong . . . and that's intolerable. he's mistaking his feeling of discomfort over his own crappy behaviour as "embarrassment" that you're mature, self-possessed, and not in need of the constant validation of other people that he needs, so he's taking it out on you.
your husband is a raging alcoholic, and i'm not sure if you're in denial about this or you just can't recognise it because alcoholism has become so normalised for you, but no healthy, well-adjusted person drinks "8-15 beers, 5 nights a week". and that's without pressuring you to participate in drinking parties that he knows make you uncomfortable, where it seems the sole point is to get soused.
please, after 15 years together, give yourself some compassion and stop investing any more time in this man. take whatever you have left and invest it in yourself and your children (who deserve better than an alcoholic father), and walk away. i guarantee you'll be happier. no matter what, though, you are nta.
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nta. your husband needs help for his obvious alcoholism, though.
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8-15 is an insane amount of beer. he is an alcoholic and he is not interested in your needs. nta
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i'm so sorry. your life sounds awful. i'd rather be single than to put up with that. what joy does he bring to your life? you are nta and should really think about a full hard reset on your whole life.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for back story i am a 37f married to my husband 38f for 15 years together for 20. i am bery much an introvert who does not drink at all. my husband is a extrovert who drinks probably more than he should (5 days a week, 8-15 beers a night). both my parents were alcoholics, my mom passed away at 57, 3 years ago due to alcohol related issues. i have had no relationship with my father since i was 9, due to drug and alcohol issues. so i fully admit i am no fan of being around drunk people. most weeks my husband hangs out with his work buddies, drinking.... allot 24 case of beer each. i do not enjoy these gatherings as one i am the only one not drinking, and i am normally left with the only other wife, who is a heavy drinker and every emotional and argumentative while drinking. if i do not attend i happily drive and pick up my husband. this week, i have had a rough week. this weekend is also packed and is going to be stressful. so when my husband called me on his lunch break, i asked for a week off from his friday night parties. i'm in a terrible mood and just didn't want to deal with a bunch of drunks. he agreed, said no problem, so i thought that was the end. when he was off he called me and told me everyone is coming to our place tonight. i asked, why, i explained i didn't want to do this tonight and he agreed. he said, that he agreed to me not driving and got very upset that i was upset because he has a right to his social life. i agreed, fair enough take a uber to your friends then. i am working late from home, the house is a mess and i already explained i was having a very bad day, week and upcoming weekend. he exploded on me for being a introvert, and how i don't like anyone and i always want to just stay st home with the kids or read or something else boring. and that i make him miserable because i won't be more social. i explained that was unfair and i do go to these gathering about once a month, and drive him the rest of the time. he says that is exactly it, he always has to make excuses for me. i asked why would he make an excuse, explain im introverted and just didn't want to go. at which point he told me he is embarrassed i am an introvert and he wouldn't tell anyone that. and he is not going to say his wife would rather read than be social. this hurts and confuses me. we have always been different but i don't understand why this would embarrass him at all. i thought u was a good wife for driving him and not getting upset at how drunk he gets. why should i have to go? especially when he knows how much i hate it. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for back story i am a 37f married to my husband 38f for 15 years together for 20. i am bery much an introvert who does not drink at all. my husband is a extrovert who drinks probably more than he should (5 days a week, 8-15 beers a night). both my parents were alcoholics, my mom passed away at 57, 3 years ago due to alcohol related issues. i have had no relationship with my father since i was 9, due to drug and alcohol issues. so i fully admit i am no fan of being around drunk people. most weeks my husband hangs out with his work buddies, drinking.... allot 24 case of beer each. i do not enjoy these gatherings as one i am the only one not drinking, and i am normally left with the only other wife, who is a heavy drinker and every emotional and argumentative while drinking. if i do not attend i happily drive and pick up my husband. this week, i have had a rough week. this weekend is also packed and is going to be stressful. so when my husband called me on his lunch break, i asked for a week off from his friday night parties. i'm in a terrible mood and just didn't want to deal with a bunch of drunks. he agreed, said no problem, so i thought that was the end. when he was off he called me and told me everyone is coming to our place tonight. i asked, why, i explained i didn't want to do this tonight and he agreed. he said, that he agreed to me not driving and got very upset that i was upset because he has a right to his social life. i agreed, fair enough take a uber to your friends then. i am working late from home, the house is a mess and i already explained i was having a very bad day, week and upcoming weekend. he exploded on me for being a introvert, and how i don't like anyone and i always want to just stay st home with the kids or read or something else boring. and that i make him miserable because i won't be more social. i explained that was unfair and i do go to these gathering about once a month, and drive him the rest of the time. he says that is exactly it, he always has to make excuses for me. i asked why would he make an excuse, explain im introverted and just didn't want to go. at which point he told me he is embarrassed i am an introvert and he wouldn't tell anyone that. and he is not going to say his wife would rather read than be social. this hurts and confuses me. we have always been different but i don't understand why this would embarrass him at all. i thought u was a good wife for driving him and not getting upset at how drunk he gets. why should i have to go? especially when he knows how much i hate it. aita? [/INST] nta, and your husband is very much an alcoholic. i hope you can fully acknowledge that and act accordingly. </s>
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AITA for complaining about my mom to my SIL?
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my mom and i do not have the best relationship and butt heads a lot. it’s extremely complicated, and she has been known to be abusive and manipulative in the past. i’ve been in town over the last few weeks since i have time off between jobs. the first week in she already started getting to me. i went to visit my brother and sil one day and unloaded on them about my irritations with my mom. i might have said a few choice words about her too.
anyway, things have settled the last couple of weeks and i’ve actually been enjoying my time at home. my relationship with my mom has been on an upswing. we decided to book a trip together for a few days since this will be the last time i’ll be home for a while.
when i told my sil, she seemed shocked that i was going on a trip with my mom. i assumed it was because the last time i saw her i was upset and venting. after a couple days i received a phone call from my brother. he requested that i no longer discuss the “drama” that goes on between my mom and i to sil because it colors her view of my mil and she has a hard time compartmentalizing her emotions towards her when she knows what she can be capable of. he also said it makes me look hypocritical to complain so much and then go on a trip with her.
i thought we were just having sibling talk and a rant session, and i feel like my sil is being selfish with not wanting to hear about my issues and difficulties i experience with her. reddit, who is the asshole here?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cpb37r/aita_for_complaining_about_my_mom_to_my_sil/
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2019-08-12 11:27:43
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yta if you don't respect this request. i don't think what you did initially was an asshole move but you obviously feel entitled to continue after they asked you not to.
she isn't your therapist and not everyone likes being vented at especially when you turn around and are buddy buddy with the person. i have a friend like that and it's obnoxious.
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yta - even as i was reading this, when i got to the part about a trip i said, what the fuck??!
mom sucks, i told someone else she sucks, people are surprised i voluntarily scheduled a trip with her.
you do you, but leave other people out of it. you'll be the one who starts looking manipulative by using your crap mom for sympathy.
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yta just because i've been in the position of your sil many times.
let me explain. it's alright to complain, however you talked to your sil while you were annoyed and angry and possibly painted a worse picture than you intended to. you left an impression that your mother is a horrible person. that impression stayed with your sil and she sympathized with you. then your unhealthy relationship with your mother has an upturn and you're going on vacation. all is good suddenly? your sil probably had whiplash. normal healthy relationships don't work like that. sil either thinks you just overblow things and stir drama or she knows your truce with your mother is temporary and she doesn't want to deal with you when you go venting to her again.
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yta
>after a couple days i received a phone call from my brother. he requested that i no longer discuss the “drama” that goes on between my mom and i to sil because it colors her view of my mil and she has a hard time compartmentalizing her emotions towards he
>i feel like my sil is being selfish with not wanting to hear about my issues and difficulties i experience with her.
your sil is not your paid therapist, if she doesn't want to hear about your drama with your mama, she doesn't have to and you should respect that.
to me, it sounds like this request is coming from your brother, and i totally get it. he wants his wife and mother to get along, and if you come around and unload all this drama on his wife, that works against that goal.
i can say from experience that it is very hard to build a relationship with someone while someone else is in your ear telling you horrible things about them.
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yta. it is unfair to offload on your sil about your "abusive" mother and then soon after act as though nothing is wrong. abuse is very serious, and your sil likely took it very seriously, and worried about how to handle it with you, and how to approach her mother-in-law in future.
keep in mind, too, that while your sil might feel she's was put in an awkward position, she's not the one asking you not to talk about this stuff anymore. your brother is. so it would be a mistake to blame her for that.
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yta
>i feel like my sil is being selfish with not wanting to hear about my issues and difficulties
you are not entitled to wasting her time and energy on your petty problems. talk to someone else instead of dragging family members into the mud. your sil has to maintain her own individual relationship with your mum that has nothing to do with you so stop bringing her in it. i bet you'd be furious be she booked a vacation with her after you vented so why can't the reverse happen.
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yta. your sil took you at your word when you complained about your mom. don’t drag people into stupid drama like this and complain when you’re going back on what you told them.
also, she’s your sil, not your sister, she’s not going to have same feelings towards your mom as a sibling would. the dil-mil relationship can be fragile, don’t color your sil’s opinions towards your mom negatively. why don’t you complain to your brother? he would understand a lot more than his wife because it’s his mother too.
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yta not for complaining originally but for calling sil selfish for not wanting to hear your rants. she drew a boundary she needed and you have to respect that.
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yta
you can either bitch to sil about your mother and act accordingly or not bitch and enjoy trips with your mom. bil is correct, your current stance is hypocritical.
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom and i do not have the best relationship and butt heads a lot. it’s extremely complicated, and she has been known to be abusive and manipulative in the past. i’ve been in town over the last few weeks since i have time off between jobs. the first week in she already started getting to me. i went to visit my brother and sil one day and unloaded on them about my irritations with my mom. i might have said a few choice words about her too. anyway, things have settled the last couple of weeks and i’ve actually been enjoying my time at home. my relationship with my mom has been on an upswing. we decided to book a trip together for a few days since this will be the last time i’ll be home for a while. when i told my sil, she seemed shocked that i was going on a trip with my mom. i assumed it was because the last time i saw her i was upset and venting. after a couple days i received a phone call from my brother. he requested that i no longer discuss the “drama” that goes on between my mom and i to sil because it colors her view of my mil and she has a hard time compartmentalizing her emotions towards her when she knows what she can be capable of. he also said it makes me look hypocritical to complain so much and then go on a trip with her. i thought we were just having sibling talk and a rant session, and i feel like my sil is being selfish with not wanting to hear about my issues and difficulties i experience with her. reddit, who is the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom and i do not have the best relationship and butt heads a lot. it’s extremely complicated, and she has been known to be abusive and manipulative in the past. i’ve been in town over the last few weeks since i have time off between jobs. the first week in she already started getting to me. i went to visit my brother and sil one day and unloaded on them about my irritations with my mom. i might have said a few choice words about her too. anyway, things have settled the last couple of weeks and i’ve actually been enjoying my time at home. my relationship with my mom has been on an upswing. we decided to book a trip together for a few days since this will be the last time i’ll be home for a while. when i told my sil, she seemed shocked that i was going on a trip with my mom. i assumed it was because the last time i saw her i was upset and venting. after a couple days i received a phone call from my brother. he requested that i no longer discuss the “drama” that goes on between my mom and i to sil because it colors her view of my mil and she has a hard time compartmentalizing her emotions towards her when she knows what she can be capable of. he also said it makes me look hypocritical to complain so much and then go on a trip with her. i thought we were just having sibling talk and a rant session, and i feel like my sil is being selfish with not wanting to hear about my issues and difficulties i experience with her. reddit, who is the asshole here? [/INST] yta if you don't respect this request. i don't think what you did initially was an asshole move but you obviously feel entitled to continue after they asked you not to. she isn't your therapist and not everyone likes being vented at especially when you turn around and are buddy buddy with the person. i have a friend like that and it's obnoxious. </s>
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AITA for passing over an employee for a promotion?
|
i am a senior supervisor for a park and recreation center. i've had this part-time employee whose worked for me for about seven years. he does a mix of admin and janitorial work.
there was tension between us sometime ago and i believe that it was because i didn't encourage him to apply for an admin position that we just filled. he wants a ft 9 to 5 office job and not pt job moving tables and chairs. i addressed it to him and said that i have no idea what his career goals care and he should had applied. a few weeks later the ssecretary announced he was leaving for another position in the city and put me in a bind.
i had hr post the job to the public but they had over 200 people apply (it's a good paying government job). it would have taken months to find someone. so i needed someone quickly so i asked hr to contact the top three people who were on the city employment list (a list of people who were second or third choice picks for jobs).
they came up with a list of three people. i was shocked when one of the candidates was my part-time employee. hr is campaigning for him. in the end, i am choosing to not hire him.
why? two reasons. he's a good worker and knows his stuff, but i don't think he and i would get along and i doubt i could find someone to take his current job. i can find a decent secretary but not a facility staff. it pays low, the requirements are high and it's nights and weekends. i would have to assume his job duties until i found a replacement and i'm not working 24/7.
i'm sure i will get a ton of pushback from hr and especially from my employee. it will look like i was stringing him along, but it's more complex than that.
edit
it's one thing to have to work or see someone three hours a week to dealing with them 40 hours a week is completely different.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ctgr7y/aita_for_passing_over_an_employee_for_a_promotion/
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2019-08-21 13:19:49
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yta
if he is the most deserving person for the position, give it to him and get over yourself.
if you don’t, you should consider stepping down from yourself from your position since you can’t seem to handle the responsibilities professionally.
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yta the guy wants a full-time position and has been part time for **7 years** and you don't want to hire him because "you wouldn't get along" and "replacing his job would be hard." you are a terrible person.
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yta- you’re punishing a deserving candidate for self serving reasons. holy crap, you are a huge asshole.
it’s not complex: you’re an asshole
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yta. this is cringeworthy.
>he's a good worker and knows his stuff, but i don't think he and i would get along and i doubt i could find someone to take his current job.
1. this is 100% your failing, not his. you can't provide a good reason for any conflict, as you just "don't think you would get along," whatever that means. it's your job as a supervisor to get along. it's work, not personal, so i don't understand this issue at all, especially if he's a good worker and knows his stuff as you admit.
2. you're lazy, period. shame on you for preventing this worker from advancing for your own selfish reasons.
>i'm sure i will get a ton of pushback from hr and especially from my employee. it will look like i was stringing him along, but it's more complex than that.
no, it's really not more complex that that. this all boils down to you being selfish, lazy and a bad manager. good leaders want their employees to thrive, especially when they have earned it (as he has). it's sad that you are in a leadership role and you would rather hurt someone than see them grow and prosper. ugh. you're the actual worst.
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yta i hope he leaves you high and dry for a better position.
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yta, he wants the job, hr thinks he's suitable and you've actually wrote that he's a good employee, he deserves the chance.
the only reasons you are giving for not hiring him are ones that make it uncomfortable for you. you're being very selfish and in the process are taking away career possibilities for someone who needs it. ta for sure.
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yta it seems like the biggest reason you didn't promote him was so you didn't need to do his work or replace him. you absolute fucken prick you kept him at a lower paying job with or hours when he could get a job he wanted so your job was a little easier. unbelievable
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yta - obviously, but also note. if this guy is passed over again for this role, after 7 years of low pay and part time work, i’d suspect (or at least i certainly hope) he would find a job elsewhere, leaving you in the position of needing to fill his role. this guy can only take so much from you when he’s doing his job well, so i would hope you might think of that when you’re deciding if it will be too difficult to backfill his role if he’s promoted. i suspect you’ll have to backfill it one way or another.
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from what it sounds like, by “more complex” it means “i’m not promoting this employee because it would inconvenience me.” if he’s qualified, then yta if you pass him over.
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this is so dumb that it sounds like a shitpost, but i'll humor you. yeah, yta. you've clearly stated that the guy deserves the promotion, but you're too lazy to fill his position, so you screw him over. you're more than an ah. i would call your character into question.
>there was tension between us sometime ago and i believe that it was because i didn't encourage him to apply for an admin position that we just filled
this is the real tell here. he knows he should've at least applied for the posistion, but something in this tells me that you either didn't bring it up to him, or even dissuaded him from applying. which again, makes you ta. because you're a lazy boss who cares more about not having to do your job than you do the well being of your employees.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a senior supervisor for a park and recreation center. i've had this part-time employee whose worked for me for about seven years. he does a mix of admin and janitorial work. there was tension between us sometime ago and i believe that it was because i didn't encourage him to apply for an admin position that we just filled. he wants a ft 9 to 5 office job and not pt job moving tables and chairs. i addressed it to him and said that i have no idea what his career goals care and he should had applied. a few weeks later the ssecretary announced he was leaving for another position in the city and put me in a bind. i had hr post the job to the public but they had over 200 people apply (it's a good paying government job). it would have taken months to find someone. so i needed someone quickly so i asked hr to contact the top three people who were on the city employment list (a list of people who were second or third choice picks for jobs). they came up with a list of three people. i was shocked when one of the candidates was my part-time employee. hr is campaigning for him. in the end, i am choosing to not hire him. why? two reasons. he's a good worker and knows his stuff, but i don't think he and i would get along and i doubt i could find someone to take his current job. i can find a decent secretary but not a facility staff. it pays low, the requirements are high and it's nights and weekends. i would have to assume his job duties until i found a replacement and i'm not working 24/7. i'm sure i will get a ton of pushback from hr and especially from my employee. it will look like i was stringing him along, but it's more complex than that. edit it's one thing to have to work or see someone three hours a week to dealing with them 40 hours a week is completely different.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a senior supervisor for a park and recreation center. i've had this part-time employee whose worked for me for about seven years. he does a mix of admin and janitorial work. there was tension between us sometime ago and i believe that it was because i didn't encourage him to apply for an admin position that we just filled. he wants a ft 9 to 5 office job and not pt job moving tables and chairs. i addressed it to him and said that i have no idea what his career goals care and he should had applied. a few weeks later the ssecretary announced he was leaving for another position in the city and put me in a bind. i had hr post the job to the public but they had over 200 people apply (it's a good paying government job). it would have taken months to find someone. so i needed someone quickly so i asked hr to contact the top three people who were on the city employment list (a list of people who were second or third choice picks for jobs). they came up with a list of three people. i was shocked when one of the candidates was my part-time employee. hr is campaigning for him. in the end, i am choosing to not hire him. why? two reasons. he's a good worker and knows his stuff, but i don't think he and i would get along and i doubt i could find someone to take his current job. i can find a decent secretary but not a facility staff. it pays low, the requirements are high and it's nights and weekends. i would have to assume his job duties until i found a replacement and i'm not working 24/7. i'm sure i will get a ton of pushback from hr and especially from my employee. it will look like i was stringing him along, but it's more complex than that. edit it's one thing to have to work or see someone three hours a week to dealing with them 40 hours a week is completely different. [/INST] yta if he is the most deserving person for the position, give it to him and get over yourself. if you don’t, you should consider stepping down from yourself from your position since you can’t seem to handle the responsibilities professionally. </s>
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AITA for protesting my roommate's cooking?
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hello, reddit! 29m here. i live with two roommates (28f: "sarah" and 27f: "kate"). for the last 6 months, we've had a rotation which each of us cooks dinner once a week. the other four days, we either do our own thing or get food from outside. the point of this was to both save some money and for each of us to get better at cooking. this idea was something all three of us agreed to do.
for about four months, this went really well. we were all making some pretty good food, and saving money on restaurants in the process. however, starting about two months ago, there was a drastic decline in sarah's cooking.
each week for the past two months, sarah pretty much made the same thing every week. she'd throw three chicken thighs into a pot with some kind of bottled sauce/glaze and heat it to a boil. then she'd serve it with plain rice. i also noticed she'd do her prep in about 5 minutes, then spend the rest of the time on her laptop or phone until it was cooked.
after a while, i got kind of fed up with it. it was repetitive, not good, too simple, and at least for me, not enough food. i'd find myself needing to go out and pick up something to eat from outside most nights sarah made dinner.
after about two months of this going on, i spoke to kate about it. we were both in agreement that sarah's meals are not up to par with mine and kate's in terms of effort or variety, but the fact that it wasn't enough food was uniquely my problem (apparently one chicken thigh is enough food for kate).
i decided to bring up the issues about the dinner to sarah on my own. i told her that for the past two months, her dinners haven't up to par with what kate and i are making each week, and that it wasn't fair to the rotation, since she's eating better than she's delivering.
the conversation went more sour than i was anticipating. she didn't seem receptive to what i was saying, and told me that she's just not going to participate in the rotation anymore. we're both currently upset with each other right now, and now i'm left wondering if i was ta in this situation.
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m1gwu0/aita_for_protesting_my_roommates_cooking/
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2021-03-09 21:32:08
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nta.
you don't get to benefit from other people's work while not putting in the same amount of effort.
it's okay for her to bow out of the rotation, so long as she doesn't eat when you guys cook.
it's one thing to just be absolute rubbish in the kitchen, but assuming she had been making acceptable meals before, and has just recently started to phone it in, it's safe to assume she just being lazy, and that's not fair to everyone else.
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nah
some people don't cook that well, and aren't interested in improving their cooking as a skill. opting out of the rotation is a fine solution, time to stop being mad about it.
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nah
to a lot of people, that counts as cooking. especially week day cooking. you can't really tell a person their food sucks and isn't fancy enough, or enough effort for your tastes, and expect them not to be slightly upset. you probably could have gotten away with asking she make something else, or bigger quantities, but telling her she isn't putting in enough "effort" and her food is too "simple" kind of guarantees she won't want to participate.
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the commenters below have pretty much covered everything, and i don't think you are ta except possibly for the way you told sarah, but i just wanted to add that as a "bigger guy" with 2 presumably average sized women, sarah and maybe even kate may feel that you are in fact screwing them over by eating more than they do. if you cook for them, you are adding 2 portions to your normal bill, but when they cook for you they may be cooking 3 extra portions.
you all need to cool off and have a calm discussion. bring cake to the discussion.
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nah. if she’s not interested in making more of an effort then bowing out of the rotation is the logical solution. no reason to be mad about it, it just didn’t work out like you thought. she can buy and make her own food and you can continue rotating with your other roommate. easy peasy.
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i mean the agreement was to cook, and she did that. is it possible that sarah doesn't have the time or money to shop and cook something better?
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soft yta from me, but only because i would be hungry after that meal, too.
you mentioned that two months ago she switched to this cooking method - but before that she was dong more elaborate food that you felt satisfied by? did something significant happen in her life around that same time? or is it possible she's depressed and just going through the motions to fulfill her obligation? if so, you coming to tell her that her meals have sucked would hit her a whole lot harder than you might have intended it to. you could have led with something like, "hey, do you want help with anything this friday?" or "would you mind if we changed it up this friday?" or even "hey, remember that thing you cooked a few months ago? that was yummy, could we have that again?" there seems to be no recognition on your end that there could be a reason she's doing the same dish over and over or that she may be struggling - instead it sounds like you told just told her that she (well, her cooking) was not good enough for your standards without trying to ask her what changed or give her the benefit of not assuming that she's purposefully trying to make sucky food. in my experience, it's always better to offer someone support or help over uninformed assumptions.
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nta. 0/5 a**holes.
she knows what she is doing, and can't "dish it out" (did i use that one right?) however we don't know what her financial situation is, so maybe that's what she can afford?
how was her disposition going into this agreement, and how has it been in the previous 2 months? has she been stressed inordinately about work or something?
it could be that she is not confident in her cooking, or that she feels that there is something she wants to save up for and is trying to cut back... or feels like you two are just not worth the effort.
i would recommend you and your other roommate come to sarah together and clarify, and make sure there is 0% aggressive tone when you do.
i think the base of the difference is why she got so defensive when you brought it up.
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nah, i don't like cooking and cook basic 90% of the time, so i mean if that's how she wants to cook that's her good right.
you're not an asshole for wanting more out of rotation.
if she doesn't wanna put in more effort she isn't wrong to drop out of rotation.
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
NAH
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | 0.203331 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello, reddit! 29m here. i live with two roommates (28f: "sarah" and 27f: "kate"). for the last 6 months, we've had a rotation which each of us cooks dinner once a week. the other four days, we either do our own thing or get food from outside. the point of this was to both save some money and for each of us to get better at cooking. this idea was something all three of us agreed to do. for about four months, this went really well. we were all making some pretty good food, and saving money on restaurants in the process. however, starting about two months ago, there was a drastic decline in sarah's cooking. each week for the past two months, sarah pretty much made the same thing every week. she'd throw three chicken thighs into a pot with some kind of bottled sauce/glaze and heat it to a boil. then she'd serve it with plain rice. i also noticed she'd do her prep in about 5 minutes, then spend the rest of the time on her laptop or phone until it was cooked. after a while, i got kind of fed up with it. it was repetitive, not good, too simple, and at least for me, not enough food. i'd find myself needing to go out and pick up something to eat from outside most nights sarah made dinner. after about two months of this going on, i spoke to kate about it. we were both in agreement that sarah's meals are not up to par with mine and kate's in terms of effort or variety, but the fact that it wasn't enough food was uniquely my problem (apparently one chicken thigh is enough food for kate). i decided to bring up the issues about the dinner to sarah on my own. i told her that for the past two months, her dinners haven't up to par with what kate and i are making each week, and that it wasn't fair to the rotation, since she's eating better than she's delivering. the conversation went more sour than i was anticipating. she didn't seem receptive to what i was saying, and told me that she's just not going to participate in the rotation anymore. we're both currently upset with each other right now, and now i'm left wondering if i was ta in this situation.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello, reddit! 29m here. i live with two roommates (28f: "sarah" and 27f: "kate"). for the last 6 months, we've had a rotation which each of us cooks dinner once a week. the other four days, we either do our own thing or get food from outside. the point of this was to both save some money and for each of us to get better at cooking. this idea was something all three of us agreed to do. for about four months, this went really well. we were all making some pretty good food, and saving money on restaurants in the process. however, starting about two months ago, there was a drastic decline in sarah's cooking. each week for the past two months, sarah pretty much made the same thing every week. she'd throw three chicken thighs into a pot with some kind of bottled sauce/glaze and heat it to a boil. then she'd serve it with plain rice. i also noticed she'd do her prep in about 5 minutes, then spend the rest of the time on her laptop or phone until it was cooked. after a while, i got kind of fed up with it. it was repetitive, not good, too simple, and at least for me, not enough food. i'd find myself needing to go out and pick up something to eat from outside most nights sarah made dinner. after about two months of this going on, i spoke to kate about it. we were both in agreement that sarah's meals are not up to par with mine and kate's in terms of effort or variety, but the fact that it wasn't enough food was uniquely my problem (apparently one chicken thigh is enough food for kate). i decided to bring up the issues about the dinner to sarah on my own. i told her that for the past two months, her dinners haven't up to par with what kate and i are making each week, and that it wasn't fair to the rotation, since she's eating better than she's delivering. the conversation went more sour than i was anticipating. she didn't seem receptive to what i was saying, and told me that she's just not going to participate in the rotation anymore. we're both currently upset with each other right now, and now i'm left wondering if i was ta in this situation. [/INST] nta. you don't get to benefit from other people's work while not putting in the same amount of effort. it's okay for her to bow out of the rotation, so long as she doesn't eat when you guys cook. it's one thing to just be absolute rubbish in the kitchen, but assuming she had been making acceptable meals before, and has just recently started to phone it in, it's safe to assume she just being lazy, and that's not fair to everyone else. </s>
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AITA for not sharing my flake cakes?
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i'm 17f and live with 2 brothers, 15 and 12, and our mum. there's one specific bakery in our hometown that we went to regularly after school with mum until we moved away a couple years ago.
dad still lives in our hometown so we go visit him but his flat is on the other side of town to the bakery, and the towns are 4 hours apart. we've been to a couple bakeries in the new area and not found any flake cakes so in the couple years since the move we've had them maybe twice when we've gone to see dad. dad bought me a car so i could take my brothers to see him but i have a job which covers all additional car expenses like petrol.
i had to go to another town for a uni open day a couple weeks ago. getting there required me going by my hometown so on the way back i arranged to meet dad and i stopped by the bakery and picked up some flake cakes. they last a few days and come in packs of 2 so i got 3 packs (6 cakes). the plan was one for me and one for dad on the day, then one each for my brothers, and then one for me and one for my friend the following day at sixth form. i brought them back home, and my brothers dove on their ones. i made clear the remaining 2 were meant for me the following day but come the next morning my brothers had gone off to school with my remaining flake cakes.
this annoyed me a bit so last weekend when we all went back to visit dad i went by the bakery again and bought a 2 pack. i then hid it in the vegetable drawer. mum found it and asked why i hid them and then said she was going to put them in the boy's lunches. i said no. she put them in anyway and when she left them unattended i nicked them back and they are now sat in the fridge, uneaten, and mum is mad at me.
aita for not sharing?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f2r8mw/aita_for_not_sharing_my_flake_cakes/
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2020-02-12 13:30:45
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nta. these were purchased with your own money. why would your mom feel like they should go in the boys lunches?
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nta, family needs to establish and respect your boundaries. you've been very reasonable all things considered. i'd be incredibly upset if my delicious cakes were eaten by not me
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nta. you bought them for you. you shouldn't have to hide food in your own home - you should be allowed to have nice things for yourself. you bought them their own cakes, they shouldn't get yours too.
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info
what is a flake cake and where can i get one?
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nta. you bought them for yourself and she expects you to eat none of them? wtf?
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nta you were thoughtful of your brothers and they did not share the same thoughtfulness with you.
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nta. i think the point is you shared. your brothers didn’t respect the deal, stole the last two that were meant for your friend and you. this week they get what they deserve. maybe they will learn from this that there are consequences to their actions.
your mother is thwarting a teachable moment. sounds like you are doing the better parenting.
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this is hilarious, stealing cakes and then stealing them back and hiding them, i love it! nta though. your money, your cakes!
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 17f and live with 2 brothers, 15 and 12, and our mum. there's one specific bakery in our hometown that we went to regularly after school with mum until we moved away a couple years ago. dad still lives in our hometown so we go visit him but his flat is on the other side of town to the bakery, and the towns are 4 hours apart. we've been to a couple bakeries in the new area and not found any flake cakes so in the couple years since the move we've had them maybe twice when we've gone to see dad. dad bought me a car so i could take my brothers to see him but i have a job which covers all additional car expenses like petrol. i had to go to another town for a uni open day a couple weeks ago. getting there required me going by my hometown so on the way back i arranged to meet dad and i stopped by the bakery and picked up some flake cakes. they last a few days and come in packs of 2 so i got 3 packs (6 cakes). the plan was one for me and one for dad on the day, then one each for my brothers, and then one for me and one for my friend the following day at sixth form. i brought them back home, and my brothers dove on their ones. i made clear the remaining 2 were meant for me the following day but come the next morning my brothers had gone off to school with my remaining flake cakes. this annoyed me a bit so last weekend when we all went back to visit dad i went by the bakery again and bought a 2 pack. i then hid it in the vegetable drawer. mum found it and asked why i hid them and then said she was going to put them in the boy's lunches. i said no. she put them in anyway and when she left them unattended i nicked them back and they are now sat in the fridge, uneaten, and mum is mad at me. aita for not sharing?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm 17f and live with 2 brothers, 15 and 12, and our mum. there's one specific bakery in our hometown that we went to regularly after school with mum until we moved away a couple years ago. dad still lives in our hometown so we go visit him but his flat is on the other side of town to the bakery, and the towns are 4 hours apart. we've been to a couple bakeries in the new area and not found any flake cakes so in the couple years since the move we've had them maybe twice when we've gone to see dad. dad bought me a car so i could take my brothers to see him but i have a job which covers all additional car expenses like petrol. i had to go to another town for a uni open day a couple weeks ago. getting there required me going by my hometown so on the way back i arranged to meet dad and i stopped by the bakery and picked up some flake cakes. they last a few days and come in packs of 2 so i got 3 packs (6 cakes). the plan was one for me and one for dad on the day, then one each for my brothers, and then one for me and one for my friend the following day at sixth form. i brought them back home, and my brothers dove on their ones. i made clear the remaining 2 were meant for me the following day but come the next morning my brothers had gone off to school with my remaining flake cakes. this annoyed me a bit so last weekend when we all went back to visit dad i went by the bakery again and bought a 2 pack. i then hid it in the vegetable drawer. mum found it and asked why i hid them and then said she was going to put them in the boy's lunches. i said no. she put them in anyway and when she left them unattended i nicked them back and they are now sat in the fridge, uneaten, and mum is mad at me. aita for not sharing? [/INST] nta. these were purchased with your own money. why would your mom feel like they should go in the boys lunches? </s>
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AITA for wanting to change my last name?
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i feel like this is such a dumb situation, but here we are anyway.
i'm currently a 4th year medical student getting married april 2022, graduating may 2022. for pretty much most of my life, i said i wouldn't change my last name when i got married, i told both of my ex's that i dated prior to medical school that i would keep my maiden name and only go by dr. "a" (a=maiden name)
throughout my time as a med student had a lot of frustration with my last name. it's a very uncommon last name; i'm asian and it even puzzles other asians. during my third year of medical school, my last name would be commented on no less than 3x per week, sometimes every day. my preceptors would stumble over it when introducing me, for example would say "this is student doctor....uh...how do you say it again?" and it would turn into a whole conversation about where i'm from, and what an interesting last name it is, wow that's a hard last name, etc etc. almost no one can pronounce it correctly on the first try, i'd be happy to take every 1/10 times. there was one week where i had an asian patient in clinic who made me so uncomfortable about my last name and wanted to talk about my background, and even called me "exotic, even for an asian."
i met my current fiance during my 1st year of medical school (not in my class) and he's the first person i've ever loved enough to want to share a name with. but honestly, another reason why i'm even considering taking his name is that i don't want to go my whole career having this same conversation over and over and over again. it takes more time out of my day, it's uncomfortable, and frankly it's tiring. my fiance's last name is phonetically easy.
i was having a conversation with my mom the other day about how for my graduation ceremony, where they call us a doctor for the first time, i was going to have them say my name as "dr. a," mostly because i did want to hear it once (and my school makes sure they pronounce the names correctly, they have us write it out phonetically and send an audio clip of it), but then any licensing by under my married name. she flipped out at me, saying that i always said i wouldn't change my name, and that my dad went through so much and worked so hard for me to have a better life and go to medical school, that he deserves to share the victory and have me be the first "dr. a" to ever exist. i do feel a bit bad because 1) i did always say that, but i don't think it's a binding promise, 2) my dad has worked really hard for me to get an education and i wouldn't be here without his help, and 3) a big motivator to change my name is for my own comfort. but on the other hand, i feel like it's my name, and changing it doesn't invalidate my parents' sacrifices.
&#x200b;
so reddit, aita for wanting to change my name?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q8c428/aita_for_wanting_to_change_my_last_name/
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2021-10-15 00:05:41
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nta- id go with an easier name since then your future patients will be able to say it and remember it. you'll still be a phd and still your dads daughter.
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nta, you live your life the way you want to, its your choice if you want to change it or not! your parents have no say.
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nta
your life. asians have it bad with family hierarchy. perhaps i could suggest getting a middle name and going by that?
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nta. like you said it’s your name and you shouldn’t be forced to keep or change it. it’s entirely up to you as it’ll be what you’re called by. and even though your father has helped you, it doesn’t mean he did the work for you. so this achievement is entirely your own.
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nta. it’s your name so it’s your choice.
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nta you like your name, but want to change it because you are finding it bothersome. there's nothing wrong with this and your mom needs to accept that it's **your** name to change.
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[deleted]
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i feel like this is such a dumb situation, but here we are anyway. i'm currently a 4th year medical student getting married april 2022, graduating may 2022. for pretty much most of my life, i said i wouldn't change my last name when i got married, i told both of my ex's that i dated prior to medical school that i would keep my maiden name and only go by dr. "a" (a=maiden name) throughout my time as a med student had a lot of frustration with my last name. it's a very uncommon last name; i'm asian and it even puzzles other asians. during my third year of medical school, my last name would be commented on no less than 3x per week, sometimes every day. my preceptors would stumble over it when introducing me, for example would say "this is student doctor....uh...how do you say it again?" and it would turn into a whole conversation about where i'm from, and what an interesting last name it is, wow that's a hard last name, etc etc. almost no one can pronounce it correctly on the first try, i'd be happy to take every 1/10 times. there was one week where i had an asian patient in clinic who made me so uncomfortable about my last name and wanted to talk about my background, and even called me "exotic, even for an asian." i met my current fiance during my 1st year of medical school (not in my class) and he's the first person i've ever loved enough to want to share a name with. but honestly, another reason why i'm even considering taking his name is that i don't want to go my whole career having this same conversation over and over and over again. it takes more time out of my day, it's uncomfortable, and frankly it's tiring. my fiance's last name is phonetically easy. i was having a conversation with my mom the other day about how for my graduation ceremony, where they call us a doctor for the first time, i was going to have them say my name as "dr. a," mostly because i did want to hear it once (and my school makes sure they pronounce the names correctly, they have us write it out phonetically and send an audio clip of it), but then any licensing by under my married name. she flipped out at me, saying that i always said i wouldn't change my name, and that my dad went through so much and worked so hard for me to have a better life and go to medical school, that he deserves to share the victory and have me be the first "dr. a" to ever exist. i do feel a bit bad because 1) i did always say that, but i don't think it's a binding promise, 2) my dad has worked really hard for me to get an education and i wouldn't be here without his help, and 3) a big motivator to change my name is for my own comfort. but on the other hand, i feel like it's my name, and changing it doesn't invalidate my parents' sacrifices. &#x200b; so reddit, aita for wanting to change my name?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i feel like this is such a dumb situation, but here we are anyway. i'm currently a 4th year medical student getting married april 2022, graduating may 2022. for pretty much most of my life, i said i wouldn't change my last name when i got married, i told both of my ex's that i dated prior to medical school that i would keep my maiden name and only go by dr. "a" (a=maiden name) throughout my time as a med student had a lot of frustration with my last name. it's a very uncommon last name; i'm asian and it even puzzles other asians. during my third year of medical school, my last name would be commented on no less than 3x per week, sometimes every day. my preceptors would stumble over it when introducing me, for example would say "this is student doctor....uh...how do you say it again?" and it would turn into a whole conversation about where i'm from, and what an interesting last name it is, wow that's a hard last name, etc etc. almost no one can pronounce it correctly on the first try, i'd be happy to take every 1/10 times. there was one week where i had an asian patient in clinic who made me so uncomfortable about my last name and wanted to talk about my background, and even called me "exotic, even for an asian." i met my current fiance during my 1st year of medical school (not in my class) and he's the first person i've ever loved enough to want to share a name with. but honestly, another reason why i'm even considering taking his name is that i don't want to go my whole career having this same conversation over and over and over again. it takes more time out of my day, it's uncomfortable, and frankly it's tiring. my fiance's last name is phonetically easy. i was having a conversation with my mom the other day about how for my graduation ceremony, where they call us a doctor for the first time, i was going to have them say my name as "dr. a," mostly because i did want to hear it once (and my school makes sure they pronounce the names correctly, they have us write it out phonetically and send an audio clip of it), but then any licensing by under my married name. she flipped out at me, saying that i always said i wouldn't change my name, and that my dad went through so much and worked so hard for me to have a better life and go to medical school, that he deserves to share the victory and have me be the first "dr. a" to ever exist. i do feel a bit bad because 1) i did always say that, but i don't think it's a binding promise, 2) my dad has worked really hard for me to get an education and i wouldn't be here without his help, and 3) a big motivator to change my name is for my own comfort. but on the other hand, i feel like it's my name, and changing it doesn't invalidate my parents' sacrifices. &#x200b; so reddit, aita for wanting to change my name? [/INST] nta- id go with an easier name since then your future patients will be able to say it and remember it. you'll still be a phd and still your dads daughter. </s>
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WIBTA If I kicked my tenant out of his home of 8 years?
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my mom inherited my grandpa’s house when i was 19. she gave it to me as a living inheritance, but because i was young and not ready for the responsibility, she put the house in a trust for me until i was 28. in the meantime, the house was technically hers.
to cover the cost of the yearly insurance/taxes (about $400 a month), she decided she would rent out the backyard shed that had been converted into an apartment.
i only got to see it once before she did. it was, to put it simply, horrifying. i left it crying at the thought of profiting off of someone living there. i *begged* her not to rent it out to anyone. she did anyway, without a lease, to a single man in his thirties she found through a friend of a friend.
at 23, i was ready to move in. i tried to talk to my mom about the tenant again. on top of thinking the apartment wasn’t fit for habitation, i was uncomfortable with the general situation: i was a 23yo single woman with a strange man in my backyard, but i was young and poor. i couldn’t afford to live there without his rent, and my mom said he was probably saving up to move out soon anyway. against my wishes, i moved in with him still in the back.
the years passed, i got better jobs and started doing major repair work and updating on the main house. i also started dating my partner, who moved in with me.i’m 27 now, a year away from the house being officially mine. and i desperately want him out before it is.
my reasons for wanting him gone:
1. i would like to sell in the next few years and need to finish repairing the house beforehand, which includes doing something with his apartment.
2. i still find living with an older man in my backyard extremely uncomfortable. my partner and i both hate going back there.
3. i don’t want to be liable if anything happens to him in that terrible apartment. he has never once asked me to repair anything. i don’t know if he’s doing the repairs himself or if the apartment is falling into further disrepair and i’m honestly too afraid to find out.
4. my rare communications with him have been… odd and it’s at the point where he specifically makes me uncomfortable.
5. i don’t want to be a landlord.
why i think i might be the asshole:
1. forcing someone out of their home is cruel, especially in a pandemic.
2. evictions have only just been allowed again and there are protests going on trying to stop them
3. i’m only doing it now because with my more stable career and my partner’s contributions, i’m no longer dependent on the rent
4. he was out of work for a few weeks due to an injury and missed a check. i told him it was okay for him to pay later, but it made me realize that he doesn’t even have $400 saved up for rent, which means there’s no way he’ll be moving out soon of his own accord.
so, would i be the asshole if i asked him to start looking for a new place to live?
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ic3daf/wibta_if_i_kicked_my_tenant_out_of_his_home_of_8/
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2020-08-18 15:40:59
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nta, as long as you go about the eviction in the correct way and give him the appropriate (legal written, longer verbal if you wish) amount of notice. he must be aware that at some point you will want the property to yourself, you've been living there for long enough.
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nah (this doesn't make him or anyone else an asshole, dunno why people are posting nta). he doesn't have a lifetime rental agreement so there's nothing wrong with wanting him out, but realize that you might need to devote some of the months of rent to getting him out of there. taking him to court to get him out does not sound like a fun process at all.
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nah- especially if you follow the timeframe listed, and target definitely having him out in a year (though i'd give him something like six months notice instead, in case things get complicated). that's very generous notice, even in a pandemic context.
you don't have an obligation to let him live on your property forever, and your reasons for concern are legitimate.
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nta i think if you really don't need his money give him a few months of rent free so he can save up a nest egg so he can hopefully get out of poverty. just get it in writing and make sure he understands that for 4-6 months you aren't going to be charging him rent so he can leave in a better position than he is in currently.
i would find out the extent of his injury first though. is he still working? can he save money? does he have anywhere to go if he can't save money or will he become homeless? you aren't his caretaker, and it sucks that this position was forced on you by your mother, but in order to not be an asshole i think you should try to do right by him. he's obviously not in a good spot right now. that's not to say you have to give him cheap/ free rent forever, but don't just throw him out.
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nta if you five him time to start looking for anywhere to go. as long as you give him time, even a little extra in this situation would be appreciated. you have to give them notice, but being there haven’t been any problems you have to play it right. one thing to do is to have a long convo with him about it, let him know your intentions to sell eventually. it’s your home, you can do as you wish. especially if the property isn’t really live able. good luck, i feel it will work out. just work with the guy and there shouldn’t be an issue. we all have to move sometimes.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.009798 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom inherited my grandpa’s house when i was 19. she gave it to me as a living inheritance, but because i was young and not ready for the responsibility, she put the house in a trust for me until i was 28. in the meantime, the house was technically hers. to cover the cost of the yearly insurance/taxes (about $400 a month), she decided she would rent out the backyard shed that had been converted into an apartment. i only got to see it once before she did. it was, to put it simply, horrifying. i left it crying at the thought of profiting off of someone living there. i *begged* her not to rent it out to anyone. she did anyway, without a lease, to a single man in his thirties she found through a friend of a friend. at 23, i was ready to move in. i tried to talk to my mom about the tenant again. on top of thinking the apartment wasn’t fit for habitation, i was uncomfortable with the general situation: i was a 23yo single woman with a strange man in my backyard, but i was young and poor. i couldn’t afford to live there without his rent, and my mom said he was probably saving up to move out soon anyway. against my wishes, i moved in with him still in the back. the years passed, i got better jobs and started doing major repair work and updating on the main house. i also started dating my partner, who moved in with me.i’m 27 now, a year away from the house being officially mine. and i desperately want him out before it is. my reasons for wanting him gone: 1. i would like to sell in the next few years and need to finish repairing the house beforehand, which includes doing something with his apartment. 2. i still find living with an older man in my backyard extremely uncomfortable. my partner and i both hate going back there. 3. i don’t want to be liable if anything happens to him in that terrible apartment. he has never once asked me to repair anything. i don’t know if he’s doing the repairs himself or if the apartment is falling into further disrepair and i’m honestly too afraid to find out. 4. my rare communications with him have been… odd and it’s at the point where he specifically makes me uncomfortable. 5. i don’t want to be a landlord. why i think i might be the asshole: 1. forcing someone out of their home is cruel, especially in a pandemic. 2. evictions have only just been allowed again and there are protests going on trying to stop them 3. i’m only doing it now because with my more stable career and my partner’s contributions, i’m no longer dependent on the rent 4. he was out of work for a few weeks due to an injury and missed a check. i told him it was okay for him to pay later, but it made me realize that he doesn’t even have $400 saved up for rent, which means there’s no way he’ll be moving out soon of his own accord. so, would i be the asshole if i asked him to start looking for a new place to live?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom inherited my grandpa’s house when i was 19. she gave it to me as a living inheritance, but because i was young and not ready for the responsibility, she put the house in a trust for me until i was 28. in the meantime, the house was technically hers. to cover the cost of the yearly insurance/taxes (about $400 a month), she decided she would rent out the backyard shed that had been converted into an apartment. i only got to see it once before she did. it was, to put it simply, horrifying. i left it crying at the thought of profiting off of someone living there. i *begged* her not to rent it out to anyone. she did anyway, without a lease, to a single man in his thirties she found through a friend of a friend. at 23, i was ready to move in. i tried to talk to my mom about the tenant again. on top of thinking the apartment wasn’t fit for habitation, i was uncomfortable with the general situation: i was a 23yo single woman with a strange man in my backyard, but i was young and poor. i couldn’t afford to live there without his rent, and my mom said he was probably saving up to move out soon anyway. against my wishes, i moved in with him still in the back. the years passed, i got better jobs and started doing major repair work and updating on the main house. i also started dating my partner, who moved in with me.i’m 27 now, a year away from the house being officially mine. and i desperately want him out before it is. my reasons for wanting him gone: 1. i would like to sell in the next few years and need to finish repairing the house beforehand, which includes doing something with his apartment. 2. i still find living with an older man in my backyard extremely uncomfortable. my partner and i both hate going back there. 3. i don’t want to be liable if anything happens to him in that terrible apartment. he has never once asked me to repair anything. i don’t know if he’s doing the repairs himself or if the apartment is falling into further disrepair and i’m honestly too afraid to find out. 4. my rare communications with him have been… odd and it’s at the point where he specifically makes me uncomfortable. 5. i don’t want to be a landlord. why i think i might be the asshole: 1. forcing someone out of their home is cruel, especially in a pandemic. 2. evictions have only just been allowed again and there are protests going on trying to stop them 3. i’m only doing it now because with my more stable career and my partner’s contributions, i’m no longer dependent on the rent 4. he was out of work for a few weeks due to an injury and missed a check. i told him it was okay for him to pay later, but it made me realize that he doesn’t even have $400 saved up for rent, which means there’s no way he’ll be moving out soon of his own accord. so, would i be the asshole if i asked him to start looking for a new place to live? [/INST] nta, as long as you go about the eviction in the correct way and give him the appropriate (legal written, longer verbal if you wish) amount of notice. he must be aware that at some point you will want the property to yourself, you've been living there for long enough. </s>
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