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AITA for refusing to take my friends package with me internationally without opening and checking it first?	final	24,308	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oy5pa1/aita_for_refusing_to_take_my_friends_package_with/	2021-08-05 00:00:46	nta - major red flag. don't fucking do it.	nta > she told me i’m being selfish and paranoid "paranoid" is exactly what any reasonable person should be in this super-sketchy situation.	nta. customs asks if you’ve packed everything yourself. you would either have to: 1. admit that you hadn’t and they’d open it in front of you 2. or lie (which is a crime) and say that you had, at which point your sweat, twitchy eyes or guilty voice would give it away and they’d open it in front of you	nta. that’s how you get sent to prison. customs would have opened it anyway.	nta. under no circumstances should you ever, and i do mean ever, take a package for anyone without seeing what is in it with your own eyes and then packing it immediately after.	nta - your friend's reaction should tell you everything you need to know - she's not your friend and she's going to get you f*** over international and that s* is serious jail time	nta she can mail it if she doesn’t want you to know what’s in it.	[deleted]	i would open the package for a domestic flight. an international flight is even riskier. so don't talk to her. works for everybody.	nta, the rules at an airport say dont take things for other people if you dont know what it is. you could unknowingly be a mule and get arrested. you made a reasonable request and were gaslighted by your friend, you arent the ah, your friend is. if she wanted something sent without going thru it she can have it delivered herself thru the mail, dhl, ups, fedex, etc...	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: final	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> final [/INST] nta - major red flag. don't fucking do it. </s>
AITA for telling my wife I wont/can't watch our son?	i have a good job, i make good money and i work hard enough to earn it. to the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work i became the only source of income. this worked out well and everyone was happy until covid hit. once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. i was a big fan of this. i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat typically so not having to commute meant that now i got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. the only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. i've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though i'm home now i'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why i can't get to the dishes till that evening. she will nod along to but i don't think she really believes it. this has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week. some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. however, on monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. she tells me that i will need to watch our son. i respond by saying again that i can't, i have work and monday to friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. she gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while i just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how i should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. she's given me the cold shoulder since then. i would love to spend the day with my son i just can't take the time off on such short notice. aita?	24,274	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/okhj6s/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_wontcant_watch_our_son/	2021-07-15 00:32:31	nta but working 14-hour days six days a week is simply not sustainable for any family or marriage.	esh. your wife is an asshole for expecting you to take time off rather last minute. you are an asshole because you are putting all of the child rearing on her even if she is a sahm. this boy is still your son. you working 14 hour days, 6 days a week is freaking ridiculous. very few relationships can even last with work hours like this. if i am correct, you are a pm in a tech company. if this is the case, you are salary. you aren't getting paid more to work overtime. it really makes me wonder if you are dicking around your computer most the day, which leads to these hours. that or you work at a shitty company. while overtime is common in the tech industry, 80 hour plus weeks are not. even the people i know making 200k a year in tech average 50 or so hour weeks. something isn't right with this. you really need to start focusing on your family or else you won't have them anymore.	yta. not specificially because of this moment, but this whole situation. you work from 5am to 7pm everyday? she is also working from 5am to 7pm taking care of the house and child without help. and hasnt had a saturday without your child for 4 years? in the moment, she could probably have handled things better, but that kind of work schedule is going to kill your marriage. this is a see the forest through the trees moment. she wants one day with a friend, and some help around the house. if that can't be managed, if you can't afford to either take time off to help, or hire someone to do it, then what's the point of you working so many hours? what does your bread winning get if she is chained to the house and your kid for 84 hours a week? she has been the only caregiver of your child for 6 out of 7 days for 4 years. if the two of you split, she'd be looking at at least 2-3 days to herself a week. but she has chosen to stay with you for four years despite basically being a single parent. she wants one day. figure it out.	> i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat why would you choose to live like that? i've been a programmer in industry for over a decade and i can count the number of 12 hour days i've worked on one hand. i think i can guess who you work for (seattle's a hint) and i can tell you that most of the rest of the industry isn't nearly as bad. if you've got experience it's not hard to find a job making 150-250k with a 40-45 hour work week.	it’s sounds like she barely has a husband with those hours. that might be the actual issue.	info—op, have you ever taken care of your son for an entire day so your wife could do other things? do you know what functional single parenting looks like? i’m curious because men who say their wives “don’t work, they stay at home with the kids” are frequently unaware that their wife absolutely works—wearing the hats of childcare, housework, feeding and cleaning all at the same time. perhaps i’m mistaken, if you are in fact providing for someone (who isn’t your wife) to do daily childcare, a maid, a cook and a personal assistant.	dude. take a day off.	yta not a huge one, but a workaholic one for sure. it sounds like your wife has been providing all the childcare, most of the housework and never gets a day off sans kid. your failure to create any work/life balance is impacting your marriage and at this rate she'll go back to work and be the single parent you've functionally made her.	[deleted]	yta - 5am to 7pm? dude, what are you doing? your wife is basically a single parent. i get you earn the money but you seem to be ignoring your parental responsibilities. start pulling your weight at home!	NTA	ESH	YTA	null	null	INFO	null	YTA	null	YTA	0.248827	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a good job, i make good money and i work hard enough to earn it. to the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work i became the only source of income. this worked out well and everyone was happy until covid hit. once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. i was a big fan of this. i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat typically so not having to commute meant that now i got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. the only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. i've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though i'm home now i'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why i can't get to the dishes till that evening. she will nod along to but i don't think she really believes it. this has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week. some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. however, on monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. she tells me that i will need to watch our son. i respond by saying again that i can't, i have work and monday to friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. she gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while i just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how i should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. she's given me the cold shoulder since then. i would love to spend the day with my son i just can't take the time off on such short notice. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have a good job, i make good money and i work hard enough to earn it. to the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work i became the only source of income. this worked out well and everyone was happy until covid hit. once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. i was a big fan of this. i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat typically so not having to commute meant that now i got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. the only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. i've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though i'm home now i'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why i can't get to the dishes till that evening. she will nod along to but i don't think she really believes it. this has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week. some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. however, on monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. she tells me that i will need to watch our son. i respond by saying again that i can't, i have work and monday to friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. she gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while i just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how i should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. she's given me the cold shoulder since then. i would love to spend the day with my son i just can't take the time off on such short notice. aita? [/INST] nta but working 14-hour days six days a week is simply not sustainable for any family or marriage. </s>
AITA for asking my wife to have an abortion	my wife and i (both mid 30s) have been happily married for nine years. we don't have any kids and don't want kids. we had the "what if" talk before getting married; she told me she would want to have an abortion if she ever got pregnant. yesterday my wife told me she's nine weeks pregnant. she's on the pill, but accidents happen. she said she wants to carry to term and give the baby up for adoption. naturally, i was surprised by the news and her change of mind. i asked her if she considered getting an abortion. she said she had, but she doesn't want to because she feels a bond to the fetus. she told me she has been researching adoption and learned that the local adoption agencies only accept birth mothers who are okay with having an open adoption. i told her i wasn't really comfortable with this and asked her if she would have an abortion. she started crying and spent the night at her sister's place. she wont answer my phone calls. i'm uncomfortable with this for a few reasons. i was adopted a birth and my adoptive parents weren't the best. i know this isn't the case for everyone who was adopted, but i can't help but have a negative view about it. a few years ago i tried to find my biological parents to learn my medical history, but i couldn't. i was sore about it for a little while, but it doesn't bother me anymore. my wife is aware of these points. i just don't want to pass on my genes because they're essentially a mystery to me. i also don't like kids. my wife said she actually would prefer to keep the baby, but she knows i wouldn't want to; so she said having an open adoption sounded like a reasonable compromise. i understand why she thinks that, but i still don't want to have any biological children, regardless of how much/little i would be involved in raising him or her. aita for asking my wife to have an abortion?	24,271	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d0v6ir/aita_for_asking_my_wife_to_have_an_abortion/	2019-09-07 12:06:01	nah you aren’t ta for asking to stick with the plan. she's not ta for having a change of heart when faced with the reality of going through with it.	nah for asking. you would be the asshole if you insisted (or just kept asking.) a couple of things, though: i’ll bet your wife isn’t done changing her mind. she may be thinking adoption now, but if she’s already bonding at nine weeks it’s likely that she will eventual decide to keep the baby. you are absolutely on the hook for financial support of the child no matter what, but you’ll have some tough decisions to make about continuing the marriage under those circumstances. lastly, you are the asshole for not having a vasectomy. if not having a child is that important to you, have the snip and be done with it. you could have prevented this entire situation with a relatively simple and safe medical procedure and simultaneously removed the burden of taking hormonal birth control from your wife.	yta. if you were this absolutely dead set on never fathering a child, you should have gotten a vasectomy. when you get pregnant, you feel differently than you do when it's just a hypothetical. either leave her and let her keep her baby, or let her put it up for adoption. edit so i don't have to keep repeating myself: as to whether she should have gotten her tubes tied, yes she could have tried. this isn't some the man sucks post. the problem is that doctors are much more hesitant to perform a tubal on a woman, especially a woman with no children, than they are on a man. i'm speaking from great personal experience with this. tubal ligation is a much more invasive procedure with greater risks, and is a lawsuit mine field for doctors, and they just are not very ready to perform them. if she was childfree in mindset, yes she should have tried. but that doesn't free op from protecting his own interests. in the end, no one is responsible for you but you, and he should have done his own due diligence if he felt very strongly about the matter. yes he could have changed his mind, and no the reversal procedure isn't guaranteed to work, but given that his feelings in the matter haven't changed thus far, that seems irrelevant here. my ruling is based off the fact that he isn't seemingly very willing to meet her in the middle. she esnts to krrp the baby, but is willing (if shes to be taken at her word) to put the baby up for adoption. he's not willing to come to that compromise. also, yes i know that he asked her once if she considered it, and then asked her once more to consider it once she said she wasn't willing. it comes down to your opinion if that counts as asking once or twice, but in my mind that constitutes twice. when she said she wasn't considering it, and he asked her to consider it because he didnt like the idea of adopting the baby out, he was openly asking her to do something she had already voiced an opinion against. it should have been a dead issues once she said she wouldn't consider it.	nah you're not an asshole for asking, especially since this was what was agreed upon from the beginning. and had the question been about almost anything else, i would say she's the asshole for going back on the agreement. but even for someone like me who is staunchly pro choice and never wants kids, actually going through an abortion myself would feel a little bit like murder. this is 100% her decision. she is the one who will have to live with the emotional and physical impact of this decision. so you're definitely not an asshole for asking, but you've made your feelings clear and now you need to support her in whatever decision she makes. it's a fucked up situation, especially if you have to watch your wife go through a full pregnancy, feel the baby kick, see the ultrasounds, watch family and friends and strangers congratulate you and your even give you gifts, knowing that you won't be keeping the baby. it's going to be hard, but know that it will be much harder on your wife than on you. she's admitted that she's already attached to this little life you've created together, and she's giving it up for you, and i think that says something about how much she values and you. think about that before you give her a hard time.	you're not the asshole for asking (as long as you don't push and understand that the final decision is hers), but yta for knowing that you never want to be a parent and still not getting a vasectomy. hormonal birth control can be hell an earth, it's pretty bad for the health in general, and as you just discovered- can be faulty. she will take responsibility for the kid growing in her, take responsibility for yourself and get that operation.	yta-i say this, because if you didn't want biological children, you should have had a vasectomy.	nah. you’re not wrong for asking. and she’s not wrong for saying no. tho if she’s stating she’s bonded to the fetus there’s a good chance she might decide to not adopt. i think couples counselling is going to be helpful.	[deleted]	nah please remember that the final decision to either carry the baby to term or terminate the pregnancy is your wife's. she can solicit your feedback but the final decision is her's. the pregnancy was accidental. now that she's pregnant, your wife is changing her mind about carrying a baby to term. this is not unusual. you need to respect that. she didn't set out to get pregnant, it just happened. terminating the pregnancy may result in some trauma for her that will change her as a person and her relationship with you. are you prepared for the fallout associated with an abortion? your position is fairly clear and justified.	nah. these yta comments boggle my mind. you guys had a plan you both agreed on. she even stated she would have an abortion if she fell pregnant. now your faced with the exact situation you both agreed on and yta for simply asking her to do exactly what she stated she would do? what is the point of even communicating and talking about these things before marriage if it means nothing later? you did nothing wrong for asking and expressing your concerns. you would be a major yta if you pressure, coerce, or force abortion because it is her body, her choice. your wife is now experiencing a lot of hormones, feelings and changes with pregnancy. you will need to handle this delicately when she calms down and hopefully both of you can have a rational discussion about the future. she is giving you a compromise with adoption, which is very noble. she is willing to undergo extreme physical and mental stress in order to give someone else a chance at being a parent. my only advice is to be calm and supportive of each other and perhaps seek counseling for both of you to process your emotions. how you handle this going forward will truly determine if yta or nta.	NAH	NAH	YTA	NAH	NTA	YTA	NAH	null	NAH	NAH	0.406083	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i (both mid 30s) have been happily married for nine years. we don't have any kids and don't want kids. we had the "what if" talk before getting married; she told me she would want to have an abortion if she ever got pregnant. yesterday my wife told me she's nine weeks pregnant. she's on the pill, but accidents happen. she said she wants to carry to term and give the baby up for adoption. naturally, i was surprised by the news and her change of mind. i asked her if she considered getting an abortion. she said she had, but she doesn't want to because she feels a bond to the fetus. she told me she has been researching adoption and learned that the local adoption agencies only accept birth mothers who are okay with having an open adoption. i told her i wasn't really comfortable with this and asked her if she would have an abortion. she started crying and spent the night at her sister's place. she wont answer my phone calls. i'm uncomfortable with this for a few reasons. i was adopted a birth and my adoptive parents weren't the best. i know this isn't the case for everyone who was adopted, but i can't help but have a negative view about it. a few years ago i tried to find my biological parents to learn my medical history, but i couldn't. i was sore about it for a little while, but it doesn't bother me anymore. my wife is aware of these points. i just don't want to pass on my genes because they're essentially a mystery to me. i also don't like kids. my wife said she actually would prefer to keep the baby, but she knows i wouldn't want to; so she said having an open adoption sounded like a reasonable compromise. i understand why she thinks that, but i still don't want to have any biological children, regardless of how much/little i would be involved in raising him or her. aita for asking my wife to have an abortion?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife and i (both mid 30s) have been happily married for nine years. we don't have any kids and don't want kids. we had the "what if" talk before getting married; she told me she would want to have an abortion if she ever got pregnant. yesterday my wife told me she's nine weeks pregnant. she's on the pill, but accidents happen. she said she wants to carry to term and give the baby up for adoption. naturally, i was surprised by the news and her change of mind. i asked her if she considered getting an abortion. she said she had, but she doesn't want to because she feels a bond to the fetus. she told me she has been researching adoption and learned that the local adoption agencies only accept birth mothers who are okay with having an open adoption. i told her i wasn't really comfortable with this and asked her if she would have an abortion. she started crying and spent the night at her sister's place. she wont answer my phone calls. i'm uncomfortable with this for a few reasons. i was adopted a birth and my adoptive parents weren't the best. i know this isn't the case for everyone who was adopted, but i can't help but have a negative view about it. a few years ago i tried to find my biological parents to learn my medical history, but i couldn't. i was sore about it for a little while, but it doesn't bother me anymore. my wife is aware of these points. i just don't want to pass on my genes because they're essentially a mystery to me. i also don't like kids. my wife said she actually would prefer to keep the baby, but she knows i wouldn't want to; so she said having an open adoption sounded like a reasonable compromise. i understand why she thinks that, but i still don't want to have any biological children, regardless of how much/little i would be involved in raising him or her. aita for asking my wife to have an abortion? [/INST] nah you aren’t ta for asking to stick with the plan. she's not ta for having a change of heart when faced with the reality of going through with it. </s>
AITA for dropping him and his daughter off at a rental car place states away from home?	long story short: i (27f) started seeing 44yo "dave" 3 years ago. i have 2 sons, 9 and 6. he has 1 daughter "ann", 17. i booked a road trip for me and my sons roughly 3 months ago. a road trip consisting of roughly 26 hours worth of driving with stops in between. this is the first time i've ever been financially able to do much of anything with my children so i went all out. planned to stop at every place they had ever asked me to go, basically. i was beyond excited to surprise them with this trip. we got home 4 nights ago. a week before leaving my dave decides he wants to go with me and bring ann as a "bonding" experience. we do not live together and ann has never liked me because i'm "boring". she has said this to my face. so dave thinks it will be good. i didnt really want either of them to go but thought what the hell, why not. this could be good for us. boy was i fucking wrong. from the moment ann got in to my vehicle she started complaining about absolutely everything. it was too crowded, too loud, we were taking too many stops, the boys were "too annoying" and "need to quiet the fuck down and chill out". we get a hotel 9 hours in (pa). its around 3pm at this point. dave asks if he can take a drive with ann because she was getting irritated with the kids. i told him he could if he makes it quick because i needed to go get dinner supplies. 3 hours later he shows back up. him and ann went out to eat. so i make a comment saying "you didnt think we wanted to eat too?" and ann snaps back with "i dont think we asked." after comments like this for days i finally snapped. my body are now saying they just want to go home because several times dave told my kids to be quiet because of his kids comfortability. at this point i havent done anything with my kids because the queen would have a fit if we pulled off anywhere and dave at this point basically refused to let me drive despite me arguing. in my car. so i snapped, told him to pull the fuck over. when he finally does, i drive to the nearest car rental and tell them to get the fuck out of my car. dave and ann both start flipping out. ann saying she isnt going to get in a car that has "bed bugs". dave saying he didnt want to take separate vehicles and didnt have enough money for a rental because the queen spent over $1500 in 4 days. so i say "i dont believe i fucking asked." and take off. they were close to 800 miles from home. it took them 4 days to get home due to lack of money and needing to borrow. i'm being told i'm a selfish cunt. aita?	24,271	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tg1fhu/aita_for_dropping_him_and_his_daughter_off_at_a/	2022-03-17 04:00:46	nta time to stop seeing dave. the should have thought about their behaviour before hijacking your trip and being rude to both you and your boys. i hope the rest of the trip was enjoyable with your boys.	nta. i hope you broke up with him too.	nta. and don't you dare get back with dave. did you and your boys end up having a good trip after the poison was out?!	nta. dan is 44 years old, he should be perfectly capable of getting himself and his daughter home or he should just not make vacations miserable as a team with her. you dropped them at a car rental and not the middle of nowhere, so whatever.	[deleted]	nta why it took you 4 days to drop them off it's beyond me. first sign of anyone being nasty to my boys and they gone! i hope you break up w that dude and her spawn from hell. you owe it to your kids as this situation wont get any better. you really want to keep having that nasty girl in your life? eew.	that bed bug thing is hilarious.	nta, they invited themselves along and tried to commandeer your trip. they say that the best way to tell if a partner is suited for you is to travel together for a week. lol, certainly a lot better outcome than figuring all this out years later.	you are definitely nta here. he invited himself on your family bonding trip at the last minute, and when you were hesitant he pushed until he gave in. then, his teenage daughter proceeded to ruin the trip, making you and your children miserable. if it were me, i would have been tempted to leave them stranded on the side of the road instead of being nice enough to take them to a car rental place. i think you need to seriously reconsider your relationship with this man given the utter lake of concern he shows for you or your children on this trip.	nta, you dodged a bullet getting out of that relationship! and any 44 year old who's looking for a relationship with someone in her 20s should set off red flags from the get-go. glad you got free of that before you'd sunk any more time into a shitty relationship!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: long story short: i (27f) started seeing 44yo "dave" 3 years ago. i have 2 sons, 9 and 6. he has 1 daughter "ann", 17. i booked a road trip for me and my sons roughly 3 months ago. a road trip consisting of roughly 26 hours worth of driving with stops in between. this is the first time i've ever been financially able to do much of anything with my children so i went all out. planned to stop at every place they had ever asked me to go, basically. i was beyond excited to surprise them with this trip. we got home 4 nights ago. a week before leaving my dave decides he wants to go with me and bring ann as a "bonding" experience. we do not live together and ann has never liked me because i'm "boring". she has said this to my face. so dave thinks it will be good. i didnt really want either of them to go but thought what the hell, why not. this could be good for us. boy was i fucking wrong. from the moment ann got in to my vehicle she started complaining about absolutely everything. it was too crowded, too loud, we were taking too many stops, the boys were "too annoying" and "need to quiet the fuck down and chill out". we get a hotel 9 hours in (pa). its around 3pm at this point. dave asks if he can take a drive with ann because she was getting irritated with the kids. i told him he could if he makes it quick because i needed to go get dinner supplies. 3 hours later he shows back up. him and ann went out to eat. so i make a comment saying "you didnt think we wanted to eat too?" and ann snaps back with "i dont think we asked." after comments like this for days i finally snapped. my body are now saying they just want to go home because several times dave told my kids to be quiet because of his kids comfortability. at this point i havent done anything with my kids because the queen would have a fit if we pulled off anywhere and dave at this point basically refused to let me drive despite me arguing. in my car. so i snapped, told him to pull the fuck over. when he finally does, i drive to the nearest car rental and tell them to get the fuck out of my car. dave and ann both start flipping out. ann saying she isnt going to get in a car that has "bed bugs". dave saying he didnt want to take separate vehicles and didnt have enough money for a rental because the queen spent over $1500 in 4 days. so i say "i dont believe i fucking asked." and take off. they were close to 800 miles from home. it took them 4 days to get home due to lack of money and needing to borrow. i'm being told i'm a selfish cunt. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> long story short: i (27f) started seeing 44yo "dave" 3 years ago. i have 2 sons, 9 and 6. he has 1 daughter "ann", 17. i booked a road trip for me and my sons roughly 3 months ago. a road trip consisting of roughly 26 hours worth of driving with stops in between. this is the first time i've ever been financially able to do much of anything with my children so i went all out. planned to stop at every place they had ever asked me to go, basically. i was beyond excited to surprise them with this trip. we got home 4 nights ago. a week before leaving my dave decides he wants to go with me and bring ann as a "bonding" experience. we do not live together and ann has never liked me because i'm "boring". she has said this to my face. so dave thinks it will be good. i didnt really want either of them to go but thought what the hell, why not. this could be good for us. boy was i fucking wrong. from the moment ann got in to my vehicle she started complaining about absolutely everything. it was too crowded, too loud, we were taking too many stops, the boys were "too annoying" and "need to quiet the fuck down and chill out". we get a hotel 9 hours in (pa). its around 3pm at this point. dave asks if he can take a drive with ann because she was getting irritated with the kids. i told him he could if he makes it quick because i needed to go get dinner supplies. 3 hours later he shows back up. him and ann went out to eat. so i make a comment saying "you didnt think we wanted to eat too?" and ann snaps back with "i dont think we asked." after comments like this for days i finally snapped. my body are now saying they just want to go home because several times dave told my kids to be quiet because of his kids comfortability. at this point i havent done anything with my kids because the queen would have a fit if we pulled off anywhere and dave at this point basically refused to let me drive despite me arguing. in my car. so i snapped, told him to pull the fuck over. when he finally does, i drive to the nearest car rental and tell them to get the fuck out of my car. dave and ann both start flipping out. ann saying she isnt going to get in a car that has "bed bugs". dave saying he didnt want to take separate vehicles and didnt have enough money for a rental because the queen spent over $1500 in 4 days. so i say "i dont believe i fucking asked." and take off. they were close to 800 miles from home. it took them 4 days to get home due to lack of money and needing to borrow. i'm being told i'm a selfish cunt. aita? [/INST] nta time to stop seeing dave. the should have thought about their behaviour before hijacking your trip and being rude to both you and your boys. i hope the rest of the trip was enjoyable with your boys. </s>
AITA for telling my family to stop celebrating?	6 years ago i met the best person in the world. she was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named maggie. maggie taught me how to knit, we watch mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, i helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. she knitted me a hat for every holiday., i helped her install wifi. maggie was a nurse in wwii. maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. she went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. about two weeks after she died, i noticed a man walking into maggie’s house. maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. i went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things. that was the end of that until yesterday. maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that maggie left me most everything she had in her will. maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account i can open when i turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. who i rescued two days after she died and kept. she wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff i would rather not share. it tore me up about maggie even more. she was such a gentle soul and she deserved better. i started crying, and i told my parents. they started celebrating about it immediately. i asked them to stop. and they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. to say that it made me upset is a understatement. i get that maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but i would much rather have maggie. i told them to stop celebrating then i went to my room to hold blue and cry. my brother knocked on my door and told me i was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me. aita?	24,256	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hugvzj/aita_for_telling_my_family_to_stop_celebrating/	2020-07-20 07:11:01	nta your parents are being insensitive. they probably are just happy for you but never learned proper empathy for situations like this. they may be trying (in the worst way possible) to cheer you up. but regardless they're going about this wrong and not letting you have your grief. might be worth trying to talk to a therapist or someone about this since none of your family are giving you proper support.	nta, your family celebrated a cash cow and didn’t even acknowledge your loss. make sure they never see a penny of it btw, clearly they’ve got as much sense as mashed potato.	nta whatsoever. it sounds like you and maggie brought each other such immense happiness and joy, and that warms my heart so incredibly. your family is being immensely insensitive. info, tho: how old are you?	nta. i am sorry for your loss. advice: be very very careful of telling people you have that kind of money when you can access it and allow no one any of the bank information, even family. my entire, very large, family no longer speaks to each other over money left to my mom who cared for her mother her entire adult life. it can make the nicest people absolute monsters. also, invest a lot in a retirement account with good interest. you will thank yourself when you can retire 10 years early and do whatever the heck you want. a prenuptial if you get married is also wise.	i'll say nah. it's obvious you're hurt and in pain to have lost someone you were close to, and i understand why you would want maggie back rather than having her money. on the other hand, being able to send you and your brother to college might have been one of your parent's biggest worry. learning that, thanks to maggie, your college fund is being taken care of must be a huge relief for them, because it means you could go and do whatever you want in college. their financial health won't decide which college you will attend. and it's clear that they weren't as close to maggie as you were. so they might not share your pain.	nta, while money is nice money isn’t everything and you are grieving. your family should have know and respected that.	nta would i be corrected in assuming you'd prefer to spend more time with maggie than lots of money?	nah- they may not have realized that you would feel so deeply about a 94 year old's death. many kids like elderly people but aren't as close as you were with her. it's a very special connection you had. if your family has real financial strain or otherwise low opportunity, i understand their reaction. it's a shame, and of course i don't blame you for being upset with them, i just understand the practicality.	im surprised that her nephew is not fighting the will	can we a have a picture of the cat blue? :3	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	null	0.003383	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 6 years ago i met the best person in the world. she was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named maggie. maggie taught me how to knit, we watch mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, i helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. she knitted me a hat for every holiday., i helped her install wifi. maggie was a nurse in wwii. maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. she went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. about two weeks after she died, i noticed a man walking into maggie’s house. maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. i went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things. that was the end of that until yesterday. maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that maggie left me most everything she had in her will. maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account i can open when i turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. who i rescued two days after she died and kept. she wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff i would rather not share. it tore me up about maggie even more. she was such a gentle soul and she deserved better. i started crying, and i told my parents. they started celebrating about it immediately. i asked them to stop. and they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. to say that it made me upset is a understatement. i get that maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but i would much rather have maggie. i told them to stop celebrating then i went to my room to hold blue and cry. my brother knocked on my door and told me i was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> 6 years ago i met the best person in the world. she was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named maggie. maggie taught me how to knit, we watch mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, i helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. she knitted me a hat for every holiday., i helped her install wifi. maggie was a nurse in wwii. maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. she went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. about two weeks after she died, i noticed a man walking into maggie’s house. maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. i went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things. that was the end of that until yesterday. maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that maggie left me most everything she had in her will. maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account i can open when i turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. who i rescued two days after she died and kept. she wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff i would rather not share. it tore me up about maggie even more. she was such a gentle soul and she deserved better. i started crying, and i told my parents. they started celebrating about it immediately. i asked them to stop. and they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. to say that it made me upset is a understatement. i get that maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but i would much rather have maggie. i told them to stop celebrating then i went to my room to hold blue and cry. my brother knocked on my door and told me i was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me. aita? [/INST] nta your parents are being insensitive. they probably are just happy for you but never learned proper empathy for situations like this. they may be trying (in the worst way possible) to cheer you up. but regardless they're going about this wrong and not letting you have your grief. might be worth trying to talk to a therapist or someone about this since none of your family are giving you proper support. </s>
AITA for disinviting my siblings from my wedding	there's me (25f,) sister (27f) and brother (28m) involved here. we were raised together and until 2019 we believed we were a nuclear biological family. then we found out our dad wasn't our bio dad, which even he didn't know, it then turned out my older siblings shared a bio dad but i had a different one. we were also first cousins because their bio and my bio were brothers. dad left our mom, hurt, betrayed, and overall disgusted that she had lied to him for two decades. i was equally mad that she lied and hurt my dad. my siblings were less willing to cut her off but their relationship strained majorly. dad moved in with me and my then boyfriend, now fiance, and covid hit. at this point all three of us agreed he was dad no matter what. and there was nothing that could change that. i meant it; they didn't. they found their bio father and mine by extension, and have decided that he is now "real dad" and that our dad is just a stepdad. my brother has even corrected his two little girls who called dad grandpa, into saying he's stepgrandpa and that's what they call him, while bio gets called grandpa. it broke my dad's heart and he decided it was too much for him to accept. this is after talks between them where he was essentially told to know his place, stay in his lane and demoted with the clear message being nothing would change. i am so pissed at them. they have tried to push me to meet my "real dad" and have told me it's okay to go back on what we said. initially, they were invited to my wedding but with this whole mess i told them they were no longer welcome and i did not want them to show up. they told me that just because they have a relationship with their "real dad" doesn't change things between us. i told them it does. that if dad isn't our real dad after everything he has done for us then we're not "real siblings", because technically we are half siblings and cousins. that my dad is till my dad 100% and biology is meaningless to me. and so it was best for them not to come, because i no longer want them there. what i said hurt them. my sil (married to my brother) told me i was an asshole for throwing half in their faces and cutting them from my wedding like we haven't been siblings our whole lives. i think that's almost more annoying to me, because that's our dad. but he can be shit on and discarded like he's nothing. aita?	24,249	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uvwzoj/aita_for_disinviting_my_siblings_from_my_wedding/	2022-05-23 10:17:40	nta. your dad is lucky to have a daughter like you. congrats on the wedding.	“my sil (married to my brother) told me i was an asshole for throwing half in their faces and cutting them from my wedding like we haven't been siblings our whole lives“ but didn’t your dad raise them their whole lives? and they’ve just dismissed everything he’s done because your mum lied. essentially it’s your wedding you can invite & disinvite who you want. nta.	nta. you picked team dad, they picked team sperm donor. it's as simple as that.	you used their exact reason against them and it hurt them … and still it didn’t click with them ! outrageous that 20+ years of sacrifices and love can be thrown away, and the love given to a guy who didn’t do anything except fuck a married woman. nta	well, the only person who's calling you an ah is your half-sil/cousin, and she's hardly objective. nta. and their hypocrisy is outrageous. you're still their sister because you were raised together. but the man who raised you for two decades under the impression that he's your father *isn't* their father? do they not even see how inconsistent and unfair they're being? i'm guessing their magnanimous attitude toward their mother is due to the fact that they favor her over your dad.	nta it's your wedding and you can do what you please. if you don't want them there that's reasonable. the man that is there for you and raised should not be demoted for something out of his control. it's fair that they want to contact their biological father and it's fair if they still want a relationship with their mother but to treat the man who raised them with such disrespect is nasty. and if your mother and father get divorced does that mean he's no longer even be stepgrampa? unthinkable. if your half brother and sister take offence to the fact you called them as such, then they should understand why your dad is so hurt by being called stepdad.	nta. that stepgrandpa business is real low. shame on them.	nta. my real dad is the man who raised me from 3 years old, the man who was there for every bump and bruise, every sad and happy occasion in my life. i haven't seen my biological father since i was 5. not a word. he knows where i am, he even sent me a friend request facebook which i hesitantly accepted, and he's never once spoken to me or reached out to me. my son calls my "dad" his grandfather, and rightfully so. my mom divorced my "dad" when i was 27, and her new husband is my stepdad, and he's also grandpa to the grandkids. there is no such thing as "stepgrandpa." your siblings are rotten, they must get that from your mother.	nta funny how the siblings are hurt that you don't see them as "real" siblings anymore when that's exactly what they've done to the father that raised them.	nta i'm glad your dad has you.. he truly doesn't deserve this kind of treatment, i personally find it quite disturbing..	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: there's me (25f,) sister (27f) and brother (28m) involved here. we were raised together and until 2019 we believed we were a nuclear biological family. then we found out our dad wasn't our bio dad, which even he didn't know, it then turned out my older siblings shared a bio dad but i had a different one. we were also first cousins because their bio and my bio were brothers. dad left our mom, hurt, betrayed, and overall disgusted that she had lied to him for two decades. i was equally mad that she lied and hurt my dad. my siblings were less willing to cut her off but their relationship strained majorly. dad moved in with me and my then boyfriend, now fiance, and covid hit. at this point all three of us agreed he was dad no matter what. and there was nothing that could change that. i meant it; they didn't. they found their bio father and mine by extension, and have decided that he is now "real dad" and that our dad is just a stepdad. my brother has even corrected his two little girls who called dad grandpa, into saying he's stepgrandpa and that's what they call him, while bio gets called grandpa. it broke my dad's heart and he decided it was too much for him to accept. this is after talks between them where he was essentially told to know his place, stay in his lane and demoted with the clear message being nothing would change. i am so pissed at them. they have tried to push me to meet my "real dad" and have told me it's okay to go back on what we said. initially, they were invited to my wedding but with this whole mess i told them they were no longer welcome and i did not want them to show up. they told me that just because they have a relationship with their "real dad" doesn't change things between us. i told them it does. that if dad isn't our real dad after everything he has done for us then we're not "real siblings", because technically we are half siblings and cousins. that my dad is till my dad 100% and biology is meaningless to me. and so it was best for them not to come, because i no longer want them there. what i said hurt them. my sil (married to my brother) told me i was an asshole for throwing half in their faces and cutting them from my wedding like we haven't been siblings our whole lives. i think that's almost more annoying to me, because that's our dad. but he can be shit on and discarded like he's nothing. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> there's me (25f,) sister (27f) and brother (28m) involved here. we were raised together and until 2019 we believed we were a nuclear biological family. then we found out our dad wasn't our bio dad, which even he didn't know, it then turned out my older siblings shared a bio dad but i had a different one. we were also first cousins because their bio and my bio were brothers. dad left our mom, hurt, betrayed, and overall disgusted that she had lied to him for two decades. i was equally mad that she lied and hurt my dad. my siblings were less willing to cut her off but their relationship strained majorly. dad moved in with me and my then boyfriend, now fiance, and covid hit. at this point all three of us agreed he was dad no matter what. and there was nothing that could change that. i meant it; they didn't. they found their bio father and mine by extension, and have decided that he is now "real dad" and that our dad is just a stepdad. my brother has even corrected his two little girls who called dad grandpa, into saying he's stepgrandpa and that's what they call him, while bio gets called grandpa. it broke my dad's heart and he decided it was too much for him to accept. this is after talks between them where he was essentially told to know his place, stay in his lane and demoted with the clear message being nothing would change. i am so pissed at them. they have tried to push me to meet my "real dad" and have told me it's okay to go back on what we said. initially, they were invited to my wedding but with this whole mess i told them they were no longer welcome and i did not want them to show up. they told me that just because they have a relationship with their "real dad" doesn't change things between us. i told them it does. that if dad isn't our real dad after everything he has done for us then we're not "real siblings", because technically we are half siblings and cousins. that my dad is till my dad 100% and biology is meaningless to me. and so it was best for them not to come, because i no longer want them there. what i said hurt them. my sil (married to my brother) told me i was an asshole for throwing half in their faces and cutting them from my wedding like we haven't been siblings our whole lives. i think that's almost more annoying to me, because that's our dad. but he can be shit on and discarded like he's nothing. aita? [/INST] nta. your dad is lucky to have a daughter like you. congrats on the wedding. </s>
AITA for giving my son ~$15,000 when he turned 18 and moved out, but refuse to give the same amount to my daughter?	my 19-year old daughter vanessa called me this morning and told that her girlfriend proposed to her, and wants her to move to her apartment. now for context, my daughter met this woman online, and they’ve never don’t ever see each other besides a few quick weekend visits. moreover, they’ve only dated for a little more than a year. i told her i was happy for her, but then politely expressed my reservations. but i maintained that she was an adult, and that it was ultimately her decision. the problem lies when vanessa asked me for money. you see, when her older brother moved out and went to college, i decided to give him a little $500 a month stipend so he doesn’t have to worry about food (he managed to get a scholarship to cover the rest of his educational costs, so it was just the small expected parent contribution and his living expenses). that combined with the money he saved during the summers made it so he didn’t have to work at all during the school year. since i gave him $500 a month every month his university was in session, that amounted to around $16,000. i told vanessa that i was going to do the same when she moves out and goes to school. she now says that she’s moving out and that college was on the backburner for her. her girlfriend will support them (she is 23, already graduated, and works in it). she said that now she’s not going to school, she’d rather just take a lump sum, or give her $500 a month too, and just not get anything if she goes to school. i told her i cannot stop her from moving, but that money is for supporting her education only. if/when she realizes that this is a mistake and decides to go to school, or even if she decides to go to school when she’s married, i’ll be happy to contribute the money. but it’s not just a free handout. she’s got really mad that i rejected her and accused me of favoring her brother. to her credit, her brother and i have a closer relationship (he’s always been the studious rule-follower while vanessa was more the troublemaker), but i do love my children equally. i told her at the end of the day, that it was an educational stipend; if she feels like she has the independence to move out to her fiancé, then she has the independence to get a job and work for her own money. that if she ever wants to go school at any point of her life, i will fully support it financially. well we argued back and forth before she angrily hung up on me and told my wife. my wife thinks that we should give her something, but i told her that my thinking is that this relationship will fail, and i rather keep the $15,000 as an emergency blanket for if and when she has to move back home. i don’t want her to think i support this decision. she told me she sorta saw my point, but she’s not going to help me unravel this mess with my vanessa, she’s staying out of it. i, on the other hand, think she’s acting like a spoiled brat. aita for sticking to my guns on this?	24,240	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c13jmx/aita_for_giving_my_son_15000_when_he_turned_18/	2019-06-15 23:29:27	nta. you said you'd give it to her if she went to go study. she's not going to study. you have been consistent in your behavior (in regards to giving money to your kids).	nta, that stipend was meant for an education for your son, and she isn't going to school. why does she deserve and education stipend if she isn't working on an education? moreover, you offered the stipend if she went back to school. so you are not being unfair	nta based on the info. it was an education based stipend. the real question for yourself is would you have given your son the money if he skipped college and would you have offered him a lump sum (large sums of money for young inexperienced people are usually different from monthly help)?	nta for only wanting to give the money to help support her through college. yta for the way you talk about her relationship. you keep saying when the relationship fails which is a pretty disrespectful way to phrase things. a year together before getting engaged is only slightly shorter than average. more importantly, we get a lot of parents on this sub asking if how they're treating their kids is "fair." frankly, it doesn't matter. what matters is that you're wilfully damaging your relationship with your daughter, because you're just so sure you know more about her relationship than she does.	nta and your reasoning is sound. you are not "refusing" to give your daughter the same amount of money you are merely not giving it to her without enforcing the same stipulations that the same amount of money was given to your son under. it's not like you just said "here's $15k son" there was a parental reason for the charity and there was a distinct need that it was given to fulfill.	you are not ta to want to attach the stipend to her education (nta). however, you are definitely an ass to be so unfairly judgemental about your daughter's relationship. to assume it will end in breakup/divorce. to belittle a year together. they could end up staying by each other for the rest of their lives. aren't you going to feel like a d*ck in that event?	info. does she have any other plans for herself that aren’t college??	[deleted]	nta for not giving your daughter the money. your standards for that are completely reasonable, and it’s only fair that she gets the money if and only if she goes to school. but, yta for the way you treat your daughter overall in this situation. you aren’t actually happy for her. you don’t actually support her. you’re lying to her face and you’re being a dick. if she’s happy with her girlfriend, then be happy for her. don’t have this preconceived notion that moving back home is a matter of when, not if. “i don’t want her to think i support her decision”?!? what? why wouldn’t you? clearly she’s happy, she loves her girlfriend, and if she’s dating someone who can provide for her then i’d say she’s doing pretty damn well. who cares if they only see each other on weekends? you should be proud of your daughter for making a relationship like that work.	info how do you show love and support to your daughter? from your post it looks like your attitude towards your son is more positive even if you do love them equally and your daughter is probably picking up on that. it's okay to naturally connect more with one child over another but that just means you have to work a little extra hard learning and understanding the other child. it sounds like your daughter didn't do as well in school but what are her talents? what is she interested in? what are her hobbies? what are all the awesome qualities in her fiance that makes her want to spend the rest of her life with her? do you even know the answers to these questions? you don't have to give her money but i agree with your wife that you should give her something and that something should be more support in her decisions, a congratulations on her engagement, and maybe a house warming gift for when she moves in with her fiancee. she's probably not feeling any support from you in any area of her life and that doesn't make her a spoiled brat for being upset about it.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	NTA	INFO	0.02053	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my 19-year old daughter vanessa called me this morning and told that her girlfriend proposed to her, and wants her to move to her apartment. now for context, my daughter met this woman online, and they’ve never don’t ever see each other besides a few quick weekend visits. moreover, they’ve only dated for a little more than a year. i told her i was happy for her, but then politely expressed my reservations. but i maintained that she was an adult, and that it was ultimately her decision. the problem lies when vanessa asked me for money. you see, when her older brother moved out and went to college, i decided to give him a little $500 a month stipend so he doesn’t have to worry about food (he managed to get a scholarship to cover the rest of his educational costs, so it was just the small expected parent contribution and his living expenses). that combined with the money he saved during the summers made it so he didn’t have to work at all during the school year. since i gave him $500 a month every month his university was in session, that amounted to around $16,000. i told vanessa that i was going to do the same when she moves out and goes to school. she now says that she’s moving out and that college was on the backburner for her. her girlfriend will support them (she is 23, already graduated, and works in it). she said that now she’s not going to school, she’d rather just take a lump sum, or give her $500 a month too, and just not get anything if she goes to school. i told her i cannot stop her from moving, but that money is for supporting her education only. if/when she realizes that this is a mistake and decides to go to school, or even if she decides to go to school when she’s married, i’ll be happy to contribute the money. but it’s not just a free handout. she’s got really mad that i rejected her and accused me of favoring her brother. to her credit, her brother and i have a closer relationship (he’s always been the studious rule-follower while vanessa was more the troublemaker), but i do love my children equally. i told her at the end of the day, that it was an educational* stipend; if she feels like she has the independence to move out to her fiancé, then she has the independence to get a job and work for her own money. that if she ever wants to go school at any point of her life, i will fully support it financially. well we argued back and forth before she angrily hung up on me and told my wife. my wife thinks that we should give her something, but i told her that my thinking is that this relationship will fail, and i rather keep the $15,000 as an emergency blanket for if and when she has to move back home. i don’t want her to think i support this decision. she told me she sorta saw my point, but she’s not going to help me unravel this mess with my vanessa, she’s staying out of it. i, on the other hand, think she’s acting like a spoiled brat. aita for sticking to my guns on this?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my 19-year old daughter vanessa called me this morning and told that her girlfriend proposed to her, and wants her to move to her apartment. now for context, my daughter met this woman online, and they’ve never don’t ever see each other besides a few quick weekend visits. moreover, they’ve only dated for a little more than a year. i told her i was happy for her, but then politely expressed my reservations. but i maintained that she was an adult, and that it was ultimately her decision. the problem lies when vanessa asked me for money. you see, when her older brother moved out and went to college, i decided to give him a little $500 a month stipend so he doesn’t have to worry about food (he managed to get a scholarship to cover the rest of his educational costs, so it was just the small expected parent contribution and his living expenses). that combined with the money he saved during the summers made it so he didn’t have to work at all during the school year. since i gave him $500 a month every month his university was in session, that amounted to around $16,000. i told vanessa that i was going to do the same when she moves out and goes to school. she now says that she’s moving out and that college was on the backburner for her. her girlfriend will support them (she is 23, already graduated, and works in it). she said that now she’s not going to school, she’d rather just take a lump sum, or give her $500 a month too, and just not get anything if she goes to school. i told her i cannot stop her from moving, but that money is for supporting her education only. if/when she realizes that this is a mistake and decides to go to school, or even if she decides to go to school when she’s married, i’ll be happy to contribute the money. but it’s not just a free handout. she’s got really mad that i rejected her and accused me of favoring her brother. to her credit, her brother and i have a closer relationship (he’s always been the studious rule-follower while vanessa was more the troublemaker), but i do love my children equally. i told her at the end of the day, that it was an educational* stipend; if she feels like she has the independence to move out to her fiancé, then she has the independence to get a job and work for her own money. that if she ever wants to go school at any point of her life, i will fully support it financially. well we argued back and forth before she angrily hung up on me and told my wife. my wife thinks that we should give her something, but i told her that my thinking is that this relationship will fail, and i rather keep the $15,000 as an emergency blanket for if and when she has to move back home. i don’t want her to think i support this decision. she told me she sorta saw my point, but she’s not going to help me unravel this mess with my vanessa, she’s staying out of it. i, on the other hand, think she’s acting like a spoiled brat. aita for sticking to my guns on this? [/INST] nta. you said you'd give it to her if she went to go study. she's not going to study. you have been consistent in your behavior (in regards to giving money to your kids). </s>
AITA for refusing to name our daughter Karen?	my wife and i recently found out we’re having a daughter. we hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. when we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. her mom’s name was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. i told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but i can’t okay “karen” as a first name in any case. she got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks i have a problem with that. i just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. i told her i’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on karen.	24,237	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jfdbk3/aita_for_refusing_to_name_our_daughter_karen/	2020-10-21 13:58:40	nta, it was a normal name, now it’s a joke. imagine “baby karen”. people are gonna make jokes all her life.	i personally feel like the "karen" thing will die off one day, and our childrens' generation will likely not know anything about it. however, i can see where you would still be adamant about not wanting to name her that. there is a bit of a stigma around that name today. i think you guys should take a different route in name picking and just steer clear of tribute naming. good luck!!! nta	nta. give her 2 middle names and pick a completely new first name? or if there is a way to combine your mom's name and her mom's name to create a new name, that might be cool. orrrrr, maybe you could suggest something like corinne (could be spelled different ways like korrine or karyn - this is my middle name and it's spelled caryn) or carley (karlie, karley) or ren? then it's kinda still got some of her mom's name in it to honor her, but also gives your daugther her own name, too.	nta. i get where you are coming from. we did the same thing except we used my mom's middle name as her first name. that way we knew it was a tribute to my mom but no one else needed to know. this was also long before the karen meme started. another reason we chose the middle name is we felt it would be weird and a little uncomfortable for me to have to discipline my child (which thankfully didn't happen often) and use my mom's name at the same time.	nah. you both have good reasons, you suggested a compromise and you've discussed veto power. i think the only solution you can find is to convince her to accept other suggestions and find something else you both agree on.	nah but you're being quite silly, mate. memes don't live 20 years.	your baby will thank you for not naming her karen. nta.	nah. i have come around to really hating the name memes. i have used "karen" as an insult a few times, but i regret it now. it sucks because real people have that name and it's really not fair to them. it's not like there's anything inherently bad about the name karen. it's actually a pretty name beyond that context. all that to say, i understand where your wife is coming from and i do think the meme thing is likely to die off by the time your daughter is of an age to be bullied by it. plus, there are a ton of people named karen who go about living their lives with this name and no problems. however, i also understand where you're coming from. you don't want to put an unnecessary burden on your daughter. i also think the fact that your chosen name now gets priority might have something to do with your wife's resentment. why don't you sit down together and come up with a mutually agreed upon alternative. maybe even a variation of the name like "kara".	leaning towards esh, in that you're using the karen thing to "win" the competition of whose mother gets to be the namesake. it's clear to see why your wife would feel slighted when you would get your way thanks to a random passing fad. use them both as middle names and pick something else as a first name.	yta the karen meme needs to die a quick death and karen as a name is an extremely normal name. dislike it away and use your veto, but you need to stop calling her mothers name a meme. that’s just mean to your wife.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NAH	NTA	NAH	ESH	YTA	0.167705	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i recently found out we’re having a daughter. we hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. when we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. her mom’s name was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. i told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but i can’t okay “karen” as a first name in any case. she got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks i have a problem with that. i just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. i told her i’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on karen.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife and i recently found out we’re having a daughter. we hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. when we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. her mom’s name was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. i told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but i can’t okay “karen” as a first name in any case. she got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks i have a problem with that. i just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. i told her i’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on karen. [/INST] nta, it was a normal name, now it’s a joke. imagine “baby karen”. people are gonna make jokes all her life. </s>
AITA for "making" my boyfriend eat fast food for a week?	my boyfriend grew up in a house that valued outdated gender norms. the women were always responsible for cooking and cleaning, so he didn't learn how to do any of that for most of his life. that is, until he moved in with me after college. he's been good about a few things. he doesn't mind helping with dishes or handling the laundry, but the one thing i can't seem to get him to do is learn how to cook. the only thing he can do is microwave frozen meals. i've been trying to teach him the basics, but it seems like it goes through one ear and just comes out the other. he still can't turn on the oven or use the stove without help. the toaster is too complicated for him to use he claims. doesn't know how to boil eggs, cook rice, or even how to measure out ingredients using cups. i just don't understand why he can't grasp this but is fine with other things. here's the part where i may be an asshole. i went on a trip two weeks ago for work. i'm in charge of buying groceries (we have separate accounts) and i realized how expensive his frozen meals actually are. three to four dollars for each. i said screw it and bought the easiest ingredients i could find for a lot cheaper for him to cook on his own. he doesn't like leftovers, so me cooking ahead for him was out. before i left, i sat him down once again and gave him a very long lesson on using the oven, toaster, and stove, as well as how to boil/scramble eggs, toast a piece of toast, boil rice/noodles, and heat up pasta sauce. i also taught him how to pan fry things like onions and other veggies, and how to tell when they were ready. in case he didn't want to cook both lunch and dinner, i also bought things to make salads and fixings for sandwiches. i come back a week later, and he is angry! he claims i practically left him to starve, and how i know he has trouble cooking. i retaliate, saying i showed him what to do, and i get a whole range of excuses. "setting the oven/stove temp is too complicated" "he cut his finger chopping onions and couldn't chop any until his cut healed" "he only likes the salad kits so everything is balanced" apparently he only ate sandwiches, canned goods, and fast food for a week. he thinks i'm a major asshole for not telling him i'm not buying his frozen meals, and leaving him alone to fend for himself. on one hand, i do think it was shitty of me not to tell him i didn't buy his meals, and as someone who grew up in a home pretty much only boiled hotdogs and veggies, and only properly learned how to cook after moving, out i do feel for him, but at the same time, after a few months of not getting the simplest concepts, i'm left feeling partially justified in my actions. so reddit, aita?	24,203	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wk815y/aita_for_making_my_boyfriend_eat_fast_food_for_a/	2022-08-09 16:39:51	info why you with some guy who can't manage to use a toaster?	nta. this is the literal definition of [weaponized incompetence](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/weaponized-incompetence-women_l_61e71983e4b0d8b665717814). why are you fucking someone you have to parent?	nta. you should search "weaponized incompetence." he is not unable to complete these tasks, he is hoping you'll get tired of asking him to improve himself and become a '50s housewife for him. it was not shitty of you not to buy frozen meals for him. is he also incapable of shopping? he managed to leave the house to buy fast food. or did he have that delivered? &#x200b; this man is not mature enough for a relationship. he wants you to be his mother.	nta - weaponised incompetence is a real thing. can’t use a toaster? can’t boil an egg or noodles? get a life mate. he needs to grow up and stop being such a child. if he wants frozen meals, let him buy them out of his own money. edit to add -> this is your future. what is he going to be like if you two decide to have kids. i’ll bet changing a nappy is just going to be way too hard, or prepping a bottle (if that’s how you choose to feed). you both need to sit down and have an adult conversation because this is ridiculous.	info: how can he work the microwave but can't put bread in a toaster ?? this goes beyond outdated gender norms, op. nta. you could've told him you didn't get his tv dinners but you sure as hell didn't leave him to fend for himself. he did that to himself. and if he wants a tv dinner that bad, can he not perhaps take himself to the store ??	you may be in charge of buying groceries, but when he realized he didnt have any frozen meals, why didn't he go buy some? or anything else his little heart desires? your bf doesn't want to learn how to prepare the simplest food - not a meal, just food - for himself. why, i don't know or care. but i don't think you can teach anyone about cooking who thinks a toaster is "too complicated." nta. i suggest accepting him as he is or move out and let him fend for himself.	info: could you please provide a link to the toaster you own? i’m really trying to wrap my head around how someone can’t understand a toaster.	nta : women are not rehabilitation centers for men. women are not replacement parents. while as partners we can all teach one another things, which you have, you are not responsible for someone who refuses to learn and become a better partner to you. do you want to be with a child? i don't think you signed up to be a second mom to your boyfriend. weaponized incompetence is abuse.	[removed]	info: why can he not buy his own food?	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	INFO	NTA	null	INFO	0.098154	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend grew up in a house that valued outdated gender norms. the women were always responsible for cooking and cleaning, so he didn't learn how to do any of that for most of his life. that is, until he moved in with me after college. he's been good about a few things. he doesn't mind helping with dishes or handling the laundry, but the one thing i can't seem to get him to do is learn how to cook. the only thing he can do is microwave frozen meals. i've been trying to teach him the basics, but it seems like it goes through one ear and just comes out the other. he still can't turn on the oven or use the stove without help. the toaster is too complicated for him to use he claims. doesn't know how to boil eggs, cook rice, or even how to measure out ingredients using cups. i just don't understand why he can't grasp this but is fine with other things. here's the part where i may be an asshole. i went on a trip two weeks ago for work. i'm in charge of buying groceries (we have separate accounts) and i realized how expensive his frozen meals actually are. three to four dollars for each. i said screw it and bought the easiest ingredients i could find for a lot cheaper for him to cook on his own. he doesn't like leftovers, so me cooking ahead for him was out. before i left, i sat him down once again and gave him a very long lesson on using the oven, toaster, and stove, as well as how to boil/scramble eggs, toast a piece of toast, boil rice/noodles, and heat up pasta sauce. i also taught him how to pan fry things like onions and other veggies, and how to tell when they were ready. in case he didn't want to cook both lunch and dinner, i also bought things to make salads and fixings for sandwiches. i come back a week later, and he is angry! he claims i practically left him to starve, and how i know he has trouble cooking. i retaliate, saying i showed him what to do, and i get a whole range of excuses. "setting the oven/stove temp is too complicated" "he cut his finger chopping onions and couldn't chop any until his cut healed" "he only likes the salad kits so everything is balanced" apparently he only ate sandwiches, canned goods, and fast food for a week. he thinks i'm a major asshole for not telling him i'm not buying his frozen meals, and leaving him alone to fend for himself. on one hand, i do think it was shitty of me not to tell him i didn't buy his meals, and as someone who grew up in a home pretty much only boiled hotdogs and veggies, and only properly learned how to cook after moving, out i do feel for him, but at the same time, after a few months of not getting the simplest concepts, i'm left feeling partially justified in my actions. so reddit, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my boyfriend grew up in a house that valued outdated gender norms. the women were always responsible for cooking and cleaning, so he didn't learn how to do any of that for most of his life. that is, until he moved in with me after college. he's been good about a few things. he doesn't mind helping with dishes or handling the laundry, but the one thing i can't seem to get him to do is learn how to cook. the only thing he can do is microwave frozen meals. i've been trying to teach him the basics, but it seems like it goes through one ear and just comes out the other. he still can't turn on the oven or use the stove without help. the toaster is too complicated for him to use he claims. doesn't know how to boil eggs, cook rice, or even how to measure out ingredients using cups. i just don't understand why he can't grasp this but is fine with other things. here's the part where i may be an asshole. i went on a trip two weeks ago for work. i'm in charge of buying groceries (we have separate accounts) and i realized how expensive his frozen meals actually are. three to four dollars for each. i said screw it and bought the easiest ingredients i could find for a lot cheaper for him to cook on his own. he doesn't like leftovers, so me cooking ahead for him was out. before i left, i sat him down once again and gave him a very long lesson on using the oven, toaster, and stove, as well as how to boil/scramble eggs, toast a piece of toast, boil rice/noodles, and heat up pasta sauce. i also taught him how to pan fry things like onions and other veggies, and how to tell when they were ready. in case he didn't want to cook both lunch and dinner, i also bought things to make salads and fixings for sandwiches. i come back a week later, and he is angry! he claims i practically left him to starve, and how i know he has trouble cooking. i retaliate, saying i showed him what to do, and i get a whole range of excuses. "setting the oven/stove temp is too complicated" "he cut his finger chopping onions and couldn't chop any until his cut healed" "he only likes the salad kits so everything is balanced" apparently he only ate sandwiches, canned goods, and fast food for a week. he thinks i'm a major asshole for not telling him i'm not buying his frozen meals, and leaving him alone to fend for himself. on one hand, i do think it was shitty of me not to tell him i didn't buy his meals, and as someone who grew up in a home pretty much only boiled hotdogs and veggies, and only properly learned how to cook after moving, out i do feel for him, but at the same time, after a few months of not getting the simplest concepts, i'm left feeling partially justified in my actions. so reddit, aita? [/INST] info why you with some guy who can't manage to use a toaster? </s>
AITA for not letting my brother and SIL see my daughter after they threw away her medicine	i have a 4 year old daughter, emma. i am an alcoholic and i’ve been sober for 2 years. my brother was emma’s court appointed guardian from when she was 15 months old to just before her 3rd birthday. i had to fight for almost a year to get her back. my brother and sil are still upset that i “took emma from them” and have called cps on me numerous times and make it clear that they don’t trust me to take care of my own kid. they love emma and emma loves them so i try to take her to see them a couple times a month. a couple weeks ago, emma caught the stomach flu from someone at her preschool. i’m in school full time and had a midterm that day so i asked my brother to watch her for a couple hours so i could take my test. they said they were happy to take her so i brought her to their house that morning with her medicines, a schedule saying when she’s supposed to take which medicine and the dosage, a bottle of pedialyte, and a few changes of clothes. i came to pick her up after the midterm and half her medicines, her clothes, and her pedialyte were gone. when i asked about it they said they threw away all of her medicines and the pedialyte because they were liquids and they were already opened so i could’ve put something in there to make her sick/sleep (not that it helps much but i never hurt my daughter or gave her anything that wasn’t recommended by her pediatrician). they also said i shouldn’t be giving her tylenol and motrin (again, her doctor said it’s fine) so they didn’t buy her any motrin. then i asked about the nausea medicine (prescription) and they said they didn’t think she needs prescription meds for the stomach flu. they also felt her clothes weren’t good enough for her so they gave it to their neighbor for their garage sale and bought her new clothes, meaning they most likely took her shopping when she was sick and should’ve been resting. i left with emma and haven’t spoken to them since except to tell them they will not be allowed anywhere near my kid unsupervised. i’m working on thanksgiving so i was going to drop emma off with my parents so she could see my family but i still don’t want her to be around them without me so i’m leaving her with her babysitter instead. now my family is giving me a hard time for not letting my brother and sil see emma and are excusing what they did by saying they were just worried about her. aita for not letting my daughter see my brother and sil	24,175	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r0ltvz/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_and_sil_see_my/	2021-11-23 20:02:02	nta. your brother and sil are sabotaging your recovery and relationship with your child. i wouldn't be surprised to see then talk negatively about you and your history as she gets older. you may need some distance to feel safer and have the mental capacity to deal with them.	nta. they aren’t worried about emma, they are trying to sabotage your parenting efforts so they can regain custody of your daughter. it was lovely that they gave her a safe place to be when it was needed, but you’ve earned your daughter and deserve to be her mother without these people treating you this way.	nta ... my so works for cps and i just read this to him. he said you should absolutely report this to your social worker. they put your daughter in danger by throwing away her meds and it needs to be documented since they keep calling cps on you. congratulations on your sobriety!	nta you need to stand your ground here. they are constantly putting you in danger of losing your child by calling cps on you. they threw away prescribed medication. they are acting as if emma is their daughter and undermining your decisions as a parent. they need to be cut out of your and emma’s life immediately.	nta > i try to take her to see them a couple times a month. #stop.	nta you regained custody. they threw away opened bottles of medication because they were afraid even though you could give the child anything, at any point? i am sure you appreciated them getting temporary custody when it was needed but she is back in your custody now.	nta your brother and sil weren't worried about emma they still think that they are emma's guardians and they feel that she needs protection from you and that they know your child so much better. they need a reality check, and they get a time out. but you need to prepare for continued cps visits, and they will send minions in the form of family members saying that they were only concerned and worried and only want the best for emma. send the message back that they blew it, and you aren't comfortable having emma around them anymore.	nta but a bit naïve to leave your child with people who relentlessly call cps on you...?	nta. the medications were prescribed by a doctor. they do not have medical knowledge sufficient to overrule a licensed professional, and should not have thrown it away. a fever can be very dangerous to a child if not brought down, and dehydration is an issue in children with the flu who might not be aware enough to know they need a drink. their actions were not in your daughter's best interests and seemed more about being anti you than pro her. they endangered her to prove you wrong, and i don't blame you for keeping her away from them.	nta. i understand that they were her guardians for a while and it might be difficult for them to accept that you are the parent and your decisions are now the ones that matter. that being said, what they did was completely inappropriate and uncalled for. i agree that they will continue to disrespect your decisions and should not be left alone with your child. their actions created these consequences, so they can deal with them.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a 4 year old daughter, emma. i am an alcoholic and i’ve been sober for 2 years. my brother was emma’s court appointed guardian from when she was 15 months old to just before her 3rd birthday. i had to fight for almost a year to get her back. my brother and sil are still upset that i “took emma from them” and have called cps on me numerous times and make it clear that they don’t trust me to take care of my own kid. they love emma and emma loves them so i try to take her to see them a couple times a month. a couple weeks ago, emma caught the stomach flu from someone at her preschool. i’m in school full time and had a midterm that day so i asked my brother to watch her for a couple hours so i could take my test. they said they were happy to take her so i brought her to their house that morning with her medicines, a schedule saying when she’s supposed to take which medicine and the dosage, a bottle of pedialyte, and a few changes of clothes. i came to pick her up after the midterm and half her medicines, her clothes, and her pedialyte were gone. when i asked about it they said they threw away all of her medicines and the pedialyte because they were liquids and they were already opened so i could’ve put something in there to make her sick/sleep (not that it helps much but i never hurt my daughter or gave her anything that wasn’t recommended by her pediatrician). they also said i shouldn’t be giving her tylenol and motrin (again, her doctor said it’s fine) so they didn’t buy her any motrin. then i asked about the nausea medicine (prescription) and they said they didn’t think she needs prescription meds for the stomach flu. they also felt her clothes weren’t good enough for her so they gave it to their neighbor for their garage sale and bought her new clothes, meaning they most likely took her shopping when she was sick and should’ve been resting. i left with emma and haven’t spoken to them since except to tell them they will not be allowed anywhere near my kid unsupervised. i’m working on thanksgiving so i was going to drop emma off with my parents so she could see my family but i still don’t want her to be around them without me so i’m leaving her with her babysitter instead. now my family is giving me a hard time for not letting my brother and sil see emma and are excusing what they did by saying they were just worried about her. aita for not letting my daughter see my brother and sil	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have a 4 year old daughter, emma. i am an alcoholic and i’ve been sober for 2 years. my brother was emma’s court appointed guardian from when she was 15 months old to just before her 3rd birthday. i had to fight for almost a year to get her back. my brother and sil are still upset that i “took emma from them” and have called cps on me numerous times and make it clear that they don’t trust me to take care of my own kid. they love emma and emma loves them so i try to take her to see them a couple times a month. a couple weeks ago, emma caught the stomach flu from someone at her preschool. i’m in school full time and had a midterm that day so i asked my brother to watch her for a couple hours so i could take my test. they said they were happy to take her so i brought her to their house that morning with her medicines, a schedule saying when she’s supposed to take which medicine and the dosage, a bottle of pedialyte, and a few changes of clothes. i came to pick her up after the midterm and half her medicines, her clothes, and her pedialyte were gone. when i asked about it they said they threw away all of her medicines and the pedialyte because they were liquids and they were already opened so i could’ve put something in there to make her sick/sleep (not that it helps much but i never hurt my daughter or gave her anything that wasn’t recommended by her pediatrician). they also said i shouldn’t be giving her tylenol and motrin (again, her doctor said it’s fine) so they didn’t buy her any motrin. then i asked about the nausea medicine (prescription) and they said they didn’t think she needs prescription meds for the stomach flu. they also felt her clothes weren’t good enough for her so they gave it to their neighbor for their garage sale and bought her new clothes, meaning they most likely took her shopping when she was sick and should’ve been resting. i left with emma and haven’t spoken to them since except to tell them they will not be allowed anywhere near my kid unsupervised. i’m working on thanksgiving so i was going to drop emma off with my parents so she could see my family but i still don’t want her to be around them without me so i’m leaving her with her babysitter instead. now my family is giving me a hard time for not letting my brother and sil see emma and are excusing what they did by saying they were just worried about her. aita for not letting my daughter see my brother and sil [/INST] nta. your brother and sil are sabotaging your recovery and relationship with your child. i wouldn't be surprised to see then talk negatively about you and your history as she gets older. you may need some distance to feel safer and have the mental capacity to deal with them. </s>
AITA for asking my transsexual ex-wife to dress more appropriately?	my former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. as a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so i was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. she (now laura) has not started hrt yet but is living fulltime as a woman. laura and i no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10). ever since i moved out and laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. she's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue. i am fine with what laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son". i tried to talk about this privately to laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. my son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. the moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. people were obviously listening and when i gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because i was jealous of her confidence. to make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that i was a piece of shit for saying what i was. my son and i left in tears but laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention. ever since then i've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and i was a bad person for asking laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. i'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if i've gotten old and out of touch. it just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. aita for speaking to my ex this way?	24,173	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/di6zz9/aita_for_asking_my_transsexual_exwife_to_dress/	2019-10-15 12:12:00	nta wearing 'drag queen' attire to pick up your kid from school on a tuesday afternoon is not appropriate. asking them to not over do it for your child's sake is not 'a piece of shit' thing to do. you want to express yourself after years of self imposed suppression, great! however there's no need to take your kid along for the ride too.	nta you are helping your son speak up. you may need to have a therapist or school resource step in to mediate, rather than you, if laura can't receive it from you. probably also not a great idea to bring it up in a public place, but not your fault that laura blew up.	nta. it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with your son. while laura may be figuring out her style as a woman, she needs to come back down to earth and realize that she’s a parent first and foremost	nta. if you take the trans out of the equation, kids would still make comments to your son that his mother picks him up from school in high heels, fishnets and mini skirts. your ex's confidence in wearing revealing/extreme clothing shouldn't take priority over your kid getting bullied every day - which will happen if your ex picks your son up every day dressed like that. yeah kids are assholes but there's not a lot that can be done about that. what happens when your son hits breaking point and either wants to stop seeing your ex altogether or ends up getting some serious depression from the constant bullying?	i am a former school administrator and i can tell you that regardless of gender or trans status, parents who dress “flamboyantly” embarrass their children. i have seen kids hide when that see their parents coming because of the way the parents are dressed. the child’s feelings need to come first	nta. there are so many comments already that this will probably get buried, but my father came out as trans years ago. while i respect her decision to do what she did, she would say and do things that made me extremely uncomfortable (tell me she was always jealous of me for being a girl, buy wigs that she told me looked like my hair, etc.) whenever i voiced my discomfort, i was labeled "transphobic" or "unsupportive" by family members. people don't really think about what family on the other side goes through, only what the person coming out as trans goes through, when really, both sides have valid feelings that need to be respected. she is not taking into account the effect she is having on your son and being extremely selfish.	nta it’s confusing enough for your son to have a father that realizes he is a she, but dressing suggestively, regardless of sex, around your 10 year old child to the point that it makes him uncomfortable is inappropriate. you, and especially your son, should be able to sit down and talk to your ex in a civilized manner. probably best to do it in a private setting in the future to keep the nosy people out of the picture.	nta but, i see this happen to almost every transwoman i've ever met. shortly after they begin to transition they dress like a 12 year old's interpretation of what's sexy. they spent all their lives basically learning feminine expressions of sexuality from the male pov. plus they want to experiment with anything they couldn't get away with as a man. she's going through this phase.	nta. i applaud you for your attempt at civility with laura. i even applaud her for having an amount of confidence that a lot of women (both trans and cisgender) lack. however the fact that she sees nothing wrong with how she dresses around y'all's son in addition to not recognizing his feelings is just messed up. to copy what a few others have suggested, i think family counseling may be for the best.	nta- she needs to put the child’s happiness before their overt displays of “confidence”. (nothing screams the opposite more than over compensating)	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. as a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so i was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. she (now laura) has not started hrt yet but is living fulltime as a woman. laura and i no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10). ever since i moved out and laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. she's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue. i am fine with what laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son". i tried to talk about this privately to laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. my son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. the moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. people were obviously listening and when i gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because i was jealous of her confidence. to make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that i was a piece of shit for saying what i was. my son and i left in tears but laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention. ever since then i've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and i was a bad person for asking laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. i'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if i've gotten old and out of touch. it just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. aita for speaking to my ex this way?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. as a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so i was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. she (now laura) has not started hrt yet but is living fulltime as a woman. laura and i no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10). ever since i moved out and laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. she's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue. i am fine with what laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son". i tried to talk about this privately to laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. my son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. the moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. people were obviously listening and when i gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because i was jealous of her confidence. to make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that i was a piece of shit for saying what i was. my son and i left in tears but laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention. ever since then i've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and i was a bad person for asking laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. i'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if i've gotten old and out of touch. it just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. aita for speaking to my ex this way? [/INST] nta wearing 'drag queen' attire to pick up your kid from school on a tuesday afternoon is not appropriate. asking them to not over do it for your child's sake is not 'a piece of shit' thing to do. you want to express yourself after years of self imposed suppression, great! however there's no need to take your kid along for the ride too. </s>
AITA for making a fake diary entry to catch my stepmom?	i (17f) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again. my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. she’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us. long story short, i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it. dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when i come back. apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to stepmom. when he told me what she said i said, i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary. i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was write. i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap. dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when i come back he grounds me for what i “did”. stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell. i told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me. now i’m with my mom, and i don’t know if what i did was fair. i felt it was the only way to prove my point and i didn’t know what else to do. aita?	24,148	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i2lo6g/aita_for_making_a_fake_diary_entry_to_catch_my/	2020-08-02 22:59:28	nta - did you dad even address this massive invasion of privacy? what does your mom think?	nta. that is a gross invasion of your privacy. and a clever move on your part to confirm her prying. she's the a for sure!	nta! you are in a tough spot because the adults around you are failing you and treating you unfairly. don’t let your stepmom make you feel guilty for violating your privacy and lying about it, and recognize your dad should be making sure your stepmom follows appropriate boundaries with you. make sure your mom knows what is going on. she may have to step up for you with your dad and his wife.	nta. should've wrote that your dad confided in you he was cheating so then he'd have no choice to believe you when the situation implodes.	in 2011 (i was 32 at the time), i was living at my dad's house with my 2 daughters after leaving an abusive relationship. his girlfriend at the time was a piece of work... she would go into my room, and "clean" and basically snoop. so i went out, and spent $75 and bought the biggest dido i could find. put it in my closet, and "hid" it (i put a towel over it). let's just say, she only cleaned my room once more after that! (i just wish i had a camera to catch her finding it). i recently told my dad about it since they are no longer together, and he laughed so hard tears were running down his face. he told me "if you would have told me at the time, i would have paid for it". you deserve your privacy. i say nta. if you need ideas, i am here for you :)	nta. your dad should have used this as a basis for a conversation with his wife about your relationship and her role in it. lying about you “saying” something to her is bullshit and you got the proof you needed. both of them are treating you like crap. i’m sorry.	nta. your step mom should respect your privacy and needs to get a hobby.	nta. you set a trap and it worked.	nta. you set the bait and she fell for it, you proved your point. is there a way to prove to your dad that you didn’t do any of those things in your dairy to your stepmom is reading your dairy? maybe tell your mum about the situation	nta - your diary is private, she has no right. let a bit of time pass and then write one last page in it saying how you can’t believe she betrayed your trust, she violated your privacy, how you find it hard to like her when she lies to your dad about you and you wonder if she’s threatened by you or something. stepmum will find it, read it, and if she has a shred of decency she will apologise and own up to your father, but most likely she will run to your father and twist the story to paint you as the bad guy, and if/when she does show him the page - proof you’ve been telling the truth the whole time, photograph the page on your phone too with something like a newspaper showing the date you wrote it too so she can’t claim you went in and wrote that stuff after the fact. for whatever reason this woman is threatened by you to the point she’s repeatedly violating your privacy to stir trouble between you and your father. he’s clearly letting her do this so it’s up to you to to expose her bs since your father lacks the will or spine to have his daughters back.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (17f) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again. my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. she’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us. long story short, i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it. dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when i come back. apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to stepmom. when he told me what she said i said, i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary. i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was write. i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap. dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when i come back he grounds me for what i “did”. stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell. i told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me. now i’m with my mom, and i don’t know if what i did was fair. i felt it was the only way to prove my point and i didn’t know what else to do. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (17f) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again. my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. she’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us. long story short, i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it. dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when i come back. apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to stepmom. when he told me what she said i said, i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary. i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was write. i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap. dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when i come back he grounds me for what i “did”. stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell. i told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me. now i’m with my mom, and i don’t know if what i did was fair. i felt it was the only way to prove my point and i didn’t know what else to do. aita? [/INST] nta - did you dad even address this massive invasion of privacy? what does your mom think? </s>
AITA for disinviting my brother to my wedding after he told me “being gay is wrong”?	little backstory: i’ve been out of the closet since i was 17, in 2007. when i came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which i totally expected, being from a southern baptist family in... god, it hurts to admit this but.. florida😫. but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly. he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. that was really the last time we talked about it. flash forward 13 years (i’m 30) and i’m getting married to my fiancé scott next year in april (if covid so graciously allows). i started putting a package together of fun things from my brother and i’s childhood, all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. however, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time” he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. he said he thinks scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married. it was quite a shock as scott and i have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. to top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we adore, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”. notice he only said that she wasn’t coming to the wedding. i think he fully expected to still be invited after this. his wife, whom he started dating when i was 12, feels the same apparently. my whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but i’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. my mother is beyond pissed and upset at them. i think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal. they were my safe spot in the family. i felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. i almost feel a bit embarrassed because scott comes from a wonderful italian catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive. i told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. i know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited. i told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. so they can unlearn it, if they were willing. but i don’t think that’s going to happen.	24,129	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hqmqs3/aita_for_disinviting_my_brother_to_my_wedding/	2020-07-13 20:10:05	nta. no one belongs at your wedding who isn't there to celebrate it.	nta i'm so sorry op. your brother is a huge ah. you deserve to have people there who support and love you guys. all the hugs op	its because family when they first hear it are like “oh its a phase” then later theyre like oh its not, better try to make them feel like our all loving god hates them.	nta unfortunately for some reason, weddings tend to bring out the worst of people. people say things they would otherwise hold their tongue about because they view weddings as so “final” i’m sorry your brother revealed the ugly center	nta - it's your day and they don't need to be there if they aren't committed to your happiness or are allowing prejudice to change the way they treat you.	nta - it was a backstabbing move to betray you and your partner. enjoy your day.	nta. no homophobes allowed.	not even a little bit. why have someone at your wedding who thinks that way? i don't care if it's a family member or not.	nta. i do not really understand what he was hoping to achieve with his little speech. you are not the asshole if you choose to not invite him to the wedding. apparently, his faith has him reject his own brother...just like jesus wanted!	nta. you deserve to be surrounded by those that love you on your wedding, regardless of being related by blood.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: little backstory: i’ve been out of the closet since i was 17, in 2007. when i came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which i totally expected, being from a southern baptist family in... god, it hurts to admit this but.. florida😫. but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly. he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. that was really the last time we talked about it. flash forward 13 years (i’m 30) and i’m getting married to my fiancé scott next year in april (if covid so graciously allows). i started putting a package together of fun things from my brother and i’s childhood, all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. however, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time” he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. he said he thinks scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married. it was quite a shock as scott and i have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. to top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we adore, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”. notice he only said that she wasn’t coming to the wedding. i think he fully expected to still be invited after this. his wife, whom he started dating when i was 12, feels the same apparently. my whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but i’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. my mother is beyond pissed and upset at them. i think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal. they were my safe spot in the family. i felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. i almost feel a bit embarrassed because scott comes from a wonderful italian catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive. i told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. i know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited. i told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. so they can unlearn it, if they were willing. but i don’t think that’s going to happen.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> little backstory: i’ve been out of the closet since i was 17, in 2007. when i came out, people in my family said some pretty hurtful things, which i totally expected, being from a southern baptist family in... god, it hurts to admit this but.. florida😫. but my older brother at the time seemed very receptive, surprisingly. he told me that if my dad ever gave me any trouble, to call him and he’d talk to him. that was really the last time we talked about it. flash forward 13 years (i’m 30) and i’m getting married to my fiancé scott next year in april (if covid so graciously allows). i started putting a package together of fun things from my brother and i’s childhood, all with the intention of asking him to be my best man. however, he called me two weeks ago, claiming he’s wanted to “talk to me about this for a long time” he went into the long tangent about how being gay is wrong and isn’t “what god wants”. he said he thinks scott is a nice guy and he loves me, but he doesn’t think it’s right that we’re getting married. it was quite a shock as scott and i have stayed with him multiple times when we visit my hometown. to top it off (and what hurts perhaps the most), he said my three old niece, whom we adore, won’t be coming to the wedding because he didn’t “want to have to explain to her what was going on here”. notice he only said that she wasn’t coming to the wedding. i think he fully expected to still be invited after this. his wife, whom he started dating when i was 12, feels the same apparently. my whole dad’s side of the family feels the same way they do, but i’ve already written them off mostly in my mind. my mother is beyond pissed and upset at them. i think what upsets me the most is a sense of betrayal. they were my safe spot in the family. i felt like because they’re close to my age and younger and went to college, they would understand and it wouldn’t be a big deal to them. i almost feel a bit embarrassed because scott comes from a wonderful italian catholic family and they’ve never been anything less than loving and supportive. i told them that, on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, if they or anyone else is sitting in the audience and in the back of their mind thinking that what we’re doing is wrong or not right, they should just stay home. i know my brother and family love me, but it feels up to a point, conditional, and limited. i told them that they learned being gay is wrong, they weren’t born not liking gay people. so they can unlearn it, if they were willing. but i don’t think that’s going to happen. [/INST] nta. no one belongs at your wedding who isn't there to celebrate it. </s>
AITA for filling a few faux Amazon packages with my dog's shit to teach the two theiving neighborhood kids who have been stealing my packages a lesson?	this has been going on for a few months now, ever since school let out. there are two girls in the neighborhood who are about 8-10 and the oldest about 10-13... i have a video camera outside our apartment and have caught them red-handed. the first package they stole contained puppy pee pads and garbage bags, second package contained a pair of scrubs for work and last week they got a bluetooth speaker. amazon replaced all my packages and i would rather not get the police involved and their parents are real asshats that don't supervise their kids, so i decided to fill a few packages with chihuahua shit and leave them something special to steal to hopefully teach them a lesson. i also taped notes that said " dear children, stop stealing my shit!" in the boxes along with the turds. some of the turds are petrified, some were juicy and wet. aita or am i a diabolical genius?	24,082	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cl8kbt/aita_for_filling_a_few_faux_amazon_packages_with/	2019-08-02 19:17:27	nta, this is great. i hope they smell it and hate life in that moment but you might open your door to a burning box of shit someday.	nta. nothing better than a thief getting a little karma. but you aren't a genius. the guy who built the contraption to spin glitter all over the thief's room, spray fart smells all over, and catch the reaction on camera... that man is a genius.	nta. but you really should file a police report on them.	nta. it’s not going to harm them and it might teach them a lesson. be prepared for backlash though. feral children being raised by asshats are just the type who might come and throw the shit back onto your porch. (if they do, take all of the video to the cops!)	nta but you have video evidence, even if youre not looking to press charges you should start a paper trial by filing a police report. i definitely get not wanting to call the cops on the kids, but without getting the police involved you have no power other than talking to their parents, who can sometimes be biased towards their children or just shitty in general	nta. but i think the puppy crap isn't the way to go. get video of them stealing your packages. every one. save receipts. go to the useless asshat parents and say you have evidence of their kids stealing your shit, here's the receipts, here's one or two of the videos, and you want to be repaid for the packages. that will of course go nowhere. do this over email or text so you have a record. when it goes nowhere, file suit in small claims court. for small amounts of money lawyers are not required or often allowed. file the suit against 'jane chapman and her parents, dave and martha chapman'. that way if you win, the parents are required to pay and the kid can't just claim that they have no money. yes, you can sue a minor. [here's more info on that](https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/small-claims-book/chapter8-8.html). this way, they don't get a police record. but, they do end up having to go to court. or at least the parents do, which may be enough to get them to tell their kids to cut the shit.	yta based on a couple of comments you've made >they are stealing many ppls items not just packages... but i don't like the idea of going right for the cops with kids this young... it will be my final recourse if it continues though i will use my video footage but i would rather not... >the kids have stolen other neighbors stuff like bikes or other kids toys. other ppl in the neighborhood have tried talking to the parents and they just don't care, won't even open the door or answer their phones most of the time. the parents are the talk of the neighborhood unfortunately so i see no point in reaching out when others have not had a response... i figured try something new and see if that makes a valid point. it sounds like you may be the only person with evidence of their thefts and rather than using it to maybe help get stolen property back, you're using it to justify petty retribution. it's not clear whether stolen bikes and toys have been returned, but without knowing the financial situation of your neighbors, it's entirely possible some of the stolen items are going unreplaced. you're lucky that amazon has replaced your goods, but there may very well be kids who just don't have a bike anymore. as an adult it is your job to set a good example to children, and show that when you see something wrong happen you should do something about it. "the indifference of good men" and all that. further, the girls in question are clearly not getting the attention, structure or discipline they need at home. their parents are ignoring the problem and you are facilitating this by not getting the authorities involved. police aren't going to arrest the kids and throw them in jail, their names will be put in a system. it will be a hassle for their parents to deal with, and frankly that hassle is usually just what's needed to get the parents to pay attention and maybe start parenting again. at the very least it shows the girls that all adults don't just ignore their actions and let them do whatever they want whenever they want, because that's how you get shitty kids that grow up into shitty people.	validation post.	esh the kids obviously suck for stealing, and you suck for not turning video evidence to the police.	i am so sick of this pandering bullshit. come on op, did you really think anyone was gonna call you the asshole? no, you were just looking for validation for your childish behavior.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	null	ESH	null	0.147002	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this has been going on for a few months now, ever since school let out. there are two girls in the neighborhood who are about 8-10 and the oldest about 10-13... i have a video camera outside our apartment and have caught them red-handed. the first package they stole contained puppy pee pads and garbage bags, second package contained a pair of scrubs for work and last week they got a bluetooth speaker. amazon replaced all my packages and i would rather not get the police involved and their parents are real asshats that don't supervise their kids, so i decided to fill a few packages with chihuahua shit and leave them something special to steal to hopefully teach them a lesson. i also taped notes that said " dear children, stop stealing my shit!" in the boxes along with the turds. some of the turds are petrified, some were juicy and wet. aita or am i a diabolical genius?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this has been going on for a few months now, ever since school let out. there are two girls in the neighborhood who are about 8-10 and the oldest about 10-13... i have a video camera outside our apartment and have caught them red-handed. the first package they stole contained puppy pee pads and garbage bags, second package contained a pair of scrubs for work and last week they got a bluetooth speaker. amazon replaced all my packages and i would rather not get the police involved and their parents are real asshats that don't supervise their kids, so i decided to fill a few packages with chihuahua shit and leave them something special to steal to hopefully teach them a lesson. i also taped notes that said " dear children, stop stealing my shit!" in the boxes along with the turds. some of the turds are petrified, some were juicy and wet. aita or am i a diabolical genius? [/INST] nta, this is great. i hope they smell it and hate life in that moment but you might open your door to a burning box of shit someday. </s>
AITA? For not wearing a wedding ring and making my coworker think I'm single?	i f30 started working at a company recently. i get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "morgan". morgan from what i understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. he dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. he seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work. he offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. it was nice but felt a bit too much so i asked that he stop and he did. he started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. i texted him saying that i'm married and he was being inappropriate. he texted saying i was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how i'm trying to act like i don't like him to get him to try harder. i felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". i decided to let my husband deal with it. he sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". then blocked him. the other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when i'm married. i said i didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. he said he was trying to get close to me and i should've told him i'm married from the get go. i said i was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. he said that my husband and i were rude and offensive then rushed out. other coworkers said morgan was an asshole but i too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. i said i don't think i owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office. aita really for not wearing my wedding ring? edit the reason i don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems.	24,070	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u0h1sx/aita_for_not_wearing_a_wedding_ring_and_making_my/	2022-04-10 12:57:23	nta. immediately go to hr with this. he is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that "i wouldn't have harassed you if i knew your vagina was claimed by a different man" is disgusting.	nta. he sends dick picks that aren't welcome in an office setting and you worry you're the ass? and even if you weren't married that could get his ass fired.	nta and make a beeline for hr. ywbta if you didn't report him now so he cant do it to anyone else in the office.	this is stalking and sexual harassment. you need to report him to hr and tell him you’ll take it to the police if he doesn’t leave you alone.	nta it's no one's responsibility to wear a wedding ring. that's preposterous. he was harassing you. take every single picture and message and give them to hr.	nta , but call the cops on your husband for arson holy shit.	nta. go to hr. what morgan was doing to you would be considered sexual harassment, especially with sending inappropriate texts. even if you weren't married, you told him you weren't interested and yet he persisted anyway. also, a "nice" guy doesn't have to preach how nice he is. it's in his actions. also, it's your and your partner's business whether you wear your ring or not.	nta. why haven't you contacted hr?	nta honestly this guy sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen. i’d report the whole history to hr. even though you’ve already dealt with it, the guy seems to have a history of making unwanted advances to women. btw it isn’t a person’s responsibility to broadcast to the office that they arw married and no longer part of the dating pool; it’s their potential suitor’s responsibility to be sure that the people he’s trying to date are actually interested. in this story, the woman was the target of the unwanted advances and the man was the aggressor but the rule applies to everyone. make 10000% sure that someone is interested in your advances before you make them.	nta. you asked him to stop and he didn't. that's harassment whether you're married or not.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f30 started working at a company recently. i get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "morgan". morgan from what i understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. he dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. he seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work. he offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. it was nice but felt a bit too much so i asked that he stop and he did. he started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. i texted him saying that i'm married and he was being inappropriate. he texted saying i was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how i'm trying to act like i don't like him to get him to try harder. i felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". i decided to let my husband deal with it. he sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". then blocked him. the other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when i'm married. i said i didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. he said he was trying to get close to me and i should've told him i'm married from the get go. i said i was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. he said that my husband and i were rude and offensive then rushed out. other coworkers said morgan was an asshole but i too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. i said i don't think i owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office. aita really for not wearing my wedding ring? edit the reason i don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i f30 started working at a company recently. i get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "morgan". morgan from what i understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. he dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. he seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work. he offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. it was nice but felt a bit too much so i asked that he stop and he did. he started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. i texted him saying that i'm married and he was being inappropriate. he texted saying i was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how i'm trying to act like i don't like him to get him to try harder. i felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". i decided to let my husband deal with it. he sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". then blocked him. the other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when i'm married. i said i didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. he said he was trying to get close to me and i should've told him i'm married from the get go. i said i was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. he said that my husband and i were rude and offensive then rushed out. other coworkers said morgan was an asshole but i too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. i said i don't think i owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office. aita really for not wearing my wedding ring? edit the reason i don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems. [/INST] nta. immediately go to hr with this. he is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that "i wouldn't have harassed you if i knew your vagina was claimed by a different man" is disgusting. </s>
AITA for calling out step-family’s dirty laundry at Thanksgiving after they criticized me for being unmarried?	i’m still getting shit for this from my family so it’s possible i may be a bit of the ah here. i’m 29f, the players are my mom, step-dad, and four step-siblings (35m, 37m, 40f, 42m) and their families. i’m the black sheep in that i’m the only one not married with kids, but that’s by my preference. i love living alone, i don’t want kids, and having a partner just isn’t that important to me. my family has been asking me when i’m going to get a boyfriend and settle down since i was 19 and the answer has always been “ew, never”. i was going to skip thanksgiving, but my mom insisted that she wanted everyone home this year if possible so i went. it was the usual drill, but youngest step-brother and his wife are having another kid so that was the big announcement. this was fine until around the end of dinner one of the ssils asks if i’m not anxious to have kids since i’m almost 30 and time is running out. i laughed and said “nah, i’m good.” that led to one of the step-brothers saying that every family needs an old maiden aunt and some other comments i didn’t appreciate. i said let’s move on, but my mom said “we’re just worried about you.” this is where i’m possibly the ah. i know all the family dirt so i said, “well, i’m the only person at this table that’s not an alcoholic, a cheater, or constantly broke af because i have more kids than i can afford so i’m not the one to worry about.” and that’s how i brought thanksgiving to a dead halt and no one said a thing for the rest of dinner, but my texts are radioactive still. i feel like it was probably riding the line and my mom says this has caused a lot of problems among the siblings, but also they kinda started it.	24,045	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/za3bte/aita_for_calling_out_stepfamilys_dirty_laundry_at/	2022-12-01 23:10:03	nta - hands down the best thanksgiving showstopper ever. they fucked around and found out! 🤣🤣🤣🤣	nta. they were being unnecessarily rude. why dish it out if you can’t take it? “every family needs a spinster aunt” i’m pretty sure they’re referred to as the cool aunt these days.	nta, but now i need to know who’s the alcoholic, the cheater and whose broke.	nta. your family simply got back what they dished out. your mom insisted you join them for thanksgiving. that wasn't your plan or what you wanted, but you were a good soul and agreed. to make you feel welcome and happy to be with your family on a big holiday, your family started with the inappropriate comments and digs. putting you on the spot with everyone watching. you asked them to stop and then the mom who insisted on family unity doubled-down on the implied criticism. they played an unwanted family game with you and won unwanted prizes. on the upside, you may have a permanent pass from upcoming family gatherings. i'd take that as a win.	>well, i’m the only person at this table that’s not an alcoholic, a cheater, or constantly broke af because i have more kids than i can afford so i’m not the one to worry about. this is (chef's kiss) - perfect. here's what they said: "are you anxious to have kids? you're almost 30 and time is running out" then "every family needs an old maiden aunt" then "some other comments" 3 balls thrown down the middle while you're at the plate - you had to swing at that point. nta.	nta hahhaahhahhahahahahaha	the ones calling her an a hole can i ask why ? because she stood up for herself ? she asked them to leave it alone, they didn't. she has already and always told them how she felt. the main problem with some family is that they don't respect boundaries.	oh can i relate to this post! i’m going to say nta, because your step-siblings shouldn’t dish out what they’re unwilling to take. they made it clear that they think criticizing other’s lifestyle choices is fair game. all you did was give as good as you got.	i’m going with nta, because i think asking anyone about their procreation desires and then suggesting they’re somehow wrong is incredibly rude and offensive. there’s only so long someone can take that without biting back.	info: does everyone at the table know who is who out of those things or are some people trying to figure out which one of those applies to their specific partner? nta and hilarious	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m still getting shit for this from my family so it’s possible i may be a bit of the ah here. i’m 29f, the players are my mom, step-dad, and four step-siblings (35m, 37m, 40f, 42m) and their families. i’m the black sheep in that i’m the only one not married with kids, but that’s by my preference. i love living alone, i don’t want kids, and having a partner just isn’t that important to me. my family has been asking me when i’m going to get a boyfriend and settle down since i was 19 and the answer has always been “ew, never”. i was going to skip thanksgiving, but my mom insisted that she wanted everyone home this year if possible so i went. it was the usual drill, but youngest step-brother and his wife are having another kid so that was the big announcement. this was fine until around the end of dinner one of the ssils asks if i’m not anxious to have kids since i’m almost 30 and time is running out. i laughed and said “nah, i’m good.” that led to one of the step-brothers saying that every family needs an old maiden aunt and some other comments i didn’t appreciate. i said let’s move on, but my mom said “we’re just worried about you.” this is where i’m possibly the ah. i know all the family dirt so i said, “well, i’m the only person at this table that’s not an alcoholic, a cheater, or constantly broke af because i have more kids than i can afford so i’m not the one to worry about.” and that’s how i brought thanksgiving to a dead halt and no one said a thing for the rest of dinner, but my texts are radioactive still. i feel like it was probably riding the line and my mom says this has caused a lot of problems among the siblings, but also they kinda started it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m still getting shit for this from my family so it’s possible i may be a bit of the ah here. i’m 29f, the players are my mom, step-dad, and four step-siblings (35m, 37m, 40f, 42m) and their families. i’m the black sheep in that i’m the only one not married with kids, but that’s by my preference. i love living alone, i don’t want kids, and having a partner just isn’t that important to me. my family has been asking me when i’m going to get a boyfriend and settle down since i was 19 and the answer has always been “ew, never”. i was going to skip thanksgiving, but my mom insisted that she wanted everyone home this year if possible so i went. it was the usual drill, but youngest step-brother and his wife are having another kid so that was the big announcement. this was fine until around the end of dinner one of the ssils asks if i’m not anxious to have kids since i’m almost 30 and time is running out. i laughed and said “nah, i’m good.” that led to one of the step-brothers saying that every family needs an old maiden aunt and some other comments i didn’t appreciate. i said let’s move on, but my mom said “we’re just worried about you.” this is where i’m possibly the ah. i know all the family dirt so i said, “well, i’m the only person at this table that’s not an alcoholic, a cheater, or constantly broke af because i have more kids than i can afford so i’m not the one to worry about.” and that’s how i brought thanksgiving to a dead halt and no one said a thing for the rest of dinner, but my texts are radioactive still. i feel like it was probably riding the line and my mom says this has caused a lot of problems among the siblings, but also they kinda started it. [/INST] nta - hands down the best thanksgiving showstopper ever. they fucked around and found out! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 </s>
WIBTA if I quit my job, sell my share in company and retire to be a ski patroler? I would essentially leave my adult kids (18 and 22) to fend for themselves with no way to pay for college. Ex wife as well.	so years and years of backstory here. ex wife has bpd and life with her has been a continuous struggle. we are in the middle of a divorce because while she’s lied, stolen, abused, hit, etc... she never cheated. but she crossed that line and enough was enough. divorce is bitter and ugly. for financial reasons we had set kids college savings up with my wife as custodian. i implored kids to go to the brokerage companies to remove wife as a custodian now they were adults. the both blew me off and “yeah yeahed” me for almost a year. ex cleaned out every penny of the accounts, probably to buy her new house. instead of my kids even asking thier mom why, let alone taking legal action they both held their hands out to me and expected me to make up for it. then getting mad at me when i said i had far too much on my plate to add another battle with thier mom, they had to handle it. since there was no way to pay for school this semester, both have essentially become shut ins at home. i’ve had it because niether shows an iota of interest in thier future. on a lark i called my college roommate who is head ski patrol at a small resort in nm. he said i’m hired. i talked to my partner and he’d gladly buy my half of the business. with the 50% id have to give my ex wife i could live modest and comfortably for the rest of my life. i could spend my summers hiking, my winters working and maybe just not spend 15 hours a day at a desk working for 3 people who just see me as a wallet. kids would be cut off. i wouldn’t be able to afford any help. they have avenues and legal recourse with thier mom, whether they take it is up to them. but they’d have to grow up and fast. would i be the asshole if i do this?	24,033	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/blich3/wibta_if_i_quit_my_job_sell_my_share_in_company/	2019-05-06 22:01:49	nta but you might cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your children.	nta: go for it, if you have to pay your ex wife a share of your 50% then she can use that to pay for/towards their education	[removed]	“hey reddit, wibta if i cut off my vulnerable family and left them to be a ski patroller?”	info: do you have any sympathy for your children who were raised by an abusive mother, seem to still be living with her, and therefore, might have issues of their own preventing them from being emotionally mature? because it seems like you don't give a fuck about them at all, really.	nta. you already provided a way to pay for school for them, you tried to warn them that their mother should be taken off, they didn’t listen. they are adults now. it’s not your responsibility to come up with the money for college (again). loans exist. tuition management system (tms) exists for most of the us and it’s a months payment, a semester at a time, no loans, no interests. granted that means working while in school, but its doable. you tried, you did your duty as a parent, it’s up to them now.	esh i can certainly see why op is bitter, but i think completely abandoning his kids like this is over the line. he says he suffered from his wife's bpd. what effect does he think she had on his kids? at a minimum, he can talk with an attorney to arrange it so that wife's share of the business is used to reimburse his kids for the money that wife stole. he's the one that put ex in charge of brokerage accounts so she could access them. he could have warned the brokerage to prevent abuse of funds. 18 and 20 year olds are nowhere near savvy enough to protect themselves in this legal situation, and telling them to go after their mother puts them in a terrible emotional and legal position. they lack any funds to hire an attorney to protect their interests. they are also in the middle of a nasty divorce between their parents. exhibit at least a little concern for your kids and help them manage difficult legal problems and an emotional nightmare before leaving for greener pastures.	yta. you chose a shitty abusive partner, not your kids. they have had to put up with your bad choice for their whole life and now that your legal obligation is done you are playing a game to make yourself not feel responsible. as a father you should fight for your children on their behalf. if you are telling your kids to sue their mom, that should be your first clue. you know, most people don't want to sue their own mother, even if she is an abusive liar. also bear in mind that years of maltreatment at the hands of an abusive bpd mom have likely caused them to think in totally fucked up ways. you're in the clear, legally speaking, though.	nta but you need to know that this will not be a repairable thing with your kids. if you dip you are done. really think about this decision. your kids are adults, but they are still very young. do you want to help them grow and make something of themselves or do you want to cut all ties. they are your children and you have fulfilled your legal obligation to provide for them. now you need to assess if you have a moral obligation to help them as they become adults. divorce is not easy on kids, no matter the age. they may have done dumb things, but i bet you after what happened with their mother they'd be more receptive to your advice.	i’m gonna go against the grain and say yta. your children were raised in an abusive household (mom) with a father who seems to have checked out of their lives and the situation a long time ago. how can you expect them to just have grown up to be well adjusted and responsible adults without proper role models? yes some people beat the odds and become phenomenal adults, but why even put them in that position in the first place? i understand trying to protect yourself, i also get that at least the 22 y/o should try to do better, but it comes off like neither of you actually tried to parent them. understand that if you do make this decision, your relationship with your kids may effectively be over, although i don’t really get the impression it matters.	NTA	NTA	null	null	INFO	NTA	ESH	YTA	NTA	YTA	0.570221	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so years and years of backstory here. ex wife has bpd and life with her has been a continuous struggle. we are in the middle of a divorce because while she’s lied, stolen, abused, hit, etc... she never cheated. but she crossed that line and enough was enough. divorce is bitter and ugly. for financial reasons we had set kids college savings up with my wife as custodian. i implored kids to go to the brokerage companies to remove wife as a custodian now they were adults. the both blew me off and “yeah yeahed” me for almost a year. ex cleaned out every penny of the accounts, probably to buy her new house. instead of my kids even asking thier mom why, let alone taking legal action they both held their hands out to me and expected me to make up for it. then getting mad at me when i said i had far too much on my plate to add another battle with thier mom, they had to handle it. since there was no way to pay for school this semester, both have essentially become shut ins at home. i’ve had it because niether shows an iota of interest in thier future. on a lark i called my college roommate who is head ski patrol at a small resort in nm. he said i’m hired. i talked to my partner and he’d gladly buy my half of the business. with the 50% id have to give my ex wife i could live modest and comfortably for the rest of my life. i could spend my summers hiking, my winters working and maybe just not spend 15 hours a day at a desk working for 3 people who just see me as a wallet. kids would be cut off. i wouldn’t be able to afford any help. they have avenues and legal recourse with thier mom, whether they take it is up to them. but they’d have to grow up and fast. would i be the asshole if i do this?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so years and years of backstory here. ex wife has bpd and life with her has been a continuous struggle. we are in the middle of a divorce because while she’s lied, stolen, abused, hit, etc... she never cheated. but she crossed that line and enough was enough. divorce is bitter and ugly. for financial reasons we had set kids college savings up with my wife as custodian. i implored kids to go to the brokerage companies to remove wife as a custodian now they were adults. the both blew me off and “yeah yeahed” me for almost a year. ex cleaned out every penny of the accounts, probably to buy her new house. instead of my kids even asking thier mom why, let alone taking legal action they both held their hands out to me and expected me to make up for it. then getting mad at me when i said i had far too much on my plate to add another battle with thier mom, they had to handle it. since there was no way to pay for school this semester, both have essentially become shut ins at home. i’ve had it because niether shows an iota of interest in thier future. on a lark i called my college roommate who is head ski patrol at a small resort in nm. he said i’m hired. i talked to my partner and he’d gladly buy my half of the business. with the 50% id have to give my ex wife i could live modest and comfortably for the rest of my life. i could spend my summers hiking, my winters working and maybe just not spend 15 hours a day at a desk working for 3 people who just see me as a wallet. kids would be cut off. i wouldn’t be able to afford any help. they have avenues and legal recourse with thier mom, whether they take it is up to them. but they’d have to grow up and fast. would i be the asshole if i do this? [/INST] nta but you might cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your children. </s>
AITA for telling my to be granddaughter in law some lewd advice after my family asked for some ‘grandmotherly wisdom’?	my good friend gracie made me aware a few weeks ago of a phrase that made both of us laugh til we were sore, a dirty phrase which is ‘the key to a successful marriage is to keep a mans stomach full and balls empty’. both of us are in our 70’s and jovial and sprightly if i may say so. i liked the phrase – it was funny, and it stuck around in my mind. my family are aware i have a filthy sense of humor and i do like to laugh. my eldest grandson is in his 30’s and recently proposed to his fiancée, they made us aware over it via a family facetime session. it was very sweet and everyone was in good spirits, drinking, etc. my granddaughter and daughter pushed me to say a few words in the way of advice, but frankly i wouldn’t know, and i’m not one to give advice anyway. my grandsons fiancée said no no, give us some wisdom! so i said the phrase and the only people who burst out laughing were my grandson and his fiancée. everyone else looked mortified and my granddaughter immediately started berating me. i told my friends this and they think it wasn’t a big deal but my granddaughter and daughter have texted to say i was inappropriate and ruined a moment.	24,023	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gfvw7h/aita_for_telling_my_to_be_granddaughter_in_law/	2020-05-08 16:05:08	nta. you are the type of grandmother i aspire to be!	nta. the thing about being a grandparent is you can make these jokes as the matriarch/patriarch of the family and everybody else just has to deal. if the couple are the ones that laughed the moment wasn’t ruined.	nta. the couple laughed and weren't offended, so no one else's opinion really matters. people are too damn uptight sometimes. presumably they're all adults. i still remember a quote from an old lady on an episode of anthony bourdain's show. i think she was czech, and i may be mistemembering, but it was something along the line of "how to know if your man is cheating when he's away? put his balls in water. if they sink, he's been faithful." still makes me laugh.	beyond the fact that your advice was awesome, (and it was!), they asked you repeatedly to say something. since your wisdom so clearly offends them, i bet they won't ask for it so persistently in the future. nta.	nta. that’s hilarious.	[deleted]	nta i wish you were my grandmother! you’re hilarious. on a more serious note, the joke was intended for your granddaughter in law, and she found it funny. the rest of the family shouldn’t have a problem with it.	congrats on the impending family expansion! esh, you very slightly because the sentiment is sexist, even though it's a joke that's in good fun. your granddaughter and daughter seem to have a lot of opinions about what you should and shouldn't be doing, which is ta. you sound like a wonderful grandma.	nah.it depends on context tbh. in my terribly sexist culture if my grandmother-in-law had said something like this in front of the whole family it would be equivalent to asking whether i made perfect round rotis and i would be upset because the power dynamic skews so heavily with the in-laws, and i am likely to move into their house after marriage. here, it seems like maybe it wasn’t the same context? but honestly, that phrase sucks, shrug.	[deleted]	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	ESH	NAH	null	0.03125	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my good friend gracie made me aware a few weeks ago of a phrase that made both of us laugh til we were sore, a dirty phrase which is ‘the key to a successful marriage is to keep a mans stomach full and balls empty’. both of us are in our 70’s and jovial and sprightly if i may say so. i liked the phrase – it was funny, and it stuck around in my mind. my family are aware i have a filthy sense of humor and i do like to laugh. my eldest grandson is in his 30’s and recently proposed to his fiancée, they made us aware over it via a family facetime session. it was very sweet and everyone was in good spirits, drinking, etc. my granddaughter and daughter pushed me to say a few words in the way of advice, but frankly i wouldn’t know, and i’m not one to give advice anyway. my grandsons fiancée said no no, give us some wisdom! so i said the phrase and the only people who burst out laughing were my grandson and his fiancée. everyone else looked mortified and my granddaughter immediately started berating me. i told my friends this and they think it wasn’t a big deal but my granddaughter and daughter have texted to say i was inappropriate and ruined a moment.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my good friend gracie made me aware a few weeks ago of a phrase that made both of us laugh til we were sore, a dirty phrase which is ‘the key to a successful marriage is to keep a mans stomach full and balls empty’. both of us are in our 70’s and jovial and sprightly if i may say so. i liked the phrase – it was funny, and it stuck around in my mind. my family are aware i have a filthy sense of humor and i do like to laugh. my eldest grandson is in his 30’s and recently proposed to his fiancée, they made us aware over it via a family facetime session. it was very sweet and everyone was in good spirits, drinking, etc. my granddaughter and daughter pushed me to say a few words in the way of advice, but frankly i wouldn’t know, and i’m not one to give advice anyway. my grandsons fiancée said no no, give us some wisdom! so i said the phrase and the only people who burst out laughing were my grandson and his fiancée. everyone else looked mortified and my granddaughter immediately started berating me. i told my friends this and they think it wasn’t a big deal but my granddaughter and daughter have texted to say i was inappropriate and ruined a moment. [/INST] nta. you are the type of grandmother i aspire to be! </s>
AITA for telling my mom we haven’t had a good relationship in a long time and I wanted to go live with my dad?	i (16f) used to have a good relationship with my mother. that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “gary” six years ago. gary treats his son “ian” (19m) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. anything ian wants, ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. ian wanted my room when they moved it? i was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? i didn’t get braces for another year. ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break? i had to give up volleyball to make it happen. ian wanted to have his side of the family over? i was expected to find somewhere else to be, since i wasn’t family. my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all. my dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. he’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. i’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad. she predictably freaked out and asked why i’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. i told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary’s lead and give ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. my mom tried to argue so i said, i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”i wasn’t family” so i was going to go live with someone who was. my mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to say where i wanted to be. she’s been a crying mess since i told her, and gary is being a jackass about how awful i’m being. here’s where i might be the asshole. he was bitching at me about how terribly i’m treating them and how i’m not thinking about them at all. i asked why should i, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. i said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. he sort of went slack jawed and i walked off. my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. mom and gary of course think i’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. aita for wanting to get away from this situation?	23,971	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l26p6d/aita_for_telling_my_mom_we_havent_had_a_good/	2021-01-21 20:14:39	nta. i think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was worried about losing your child support. i hope your mother has a hon because she is going to have to pay child support to your dad.	nta go to your dad's house. i'm so sorry this is going on	nta. you have been punished for her inability to stand up to her husband for far too long. i hope that life with your dad is amazing and he treats you how you deserve to be treated. she let him force her to stop treating you as family. you owe them nothing. at all.	nta, but you are a badass. props to you for telling gary like it is, and i hope you get the love and treatment you deserve at your dads.	you are nta, gary's son is 19, he needs to be working or going to school for something. gary though, is the asshole, fuck him.	nta. if they want to exclude you, belittle you, and force you to make unfair adjustments in order to cater to the whims of their other child, and not use your child support to help raise you, they can damn sure take the consequences of those actions.	[removed]	nta. your mother's first obligation is you. not her husband, not her husband's son or family. you. she has failed in that, and your living situation is not tolerable. an adult would struggle to thrive in that environment, let alone a teenager. go to your father's and don't worry about your mother. she made her choice.	nta they treat you like trash and now they're upset they can't get money from you anymore.	nta, situations like these happen all the time and it really sucks to see your own parent favor their spouse and spouses wishes over you. go live with your dad and obtain that freedom to do what you want for once.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (16f) used to have a good relationship with my mother. that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “gary” six years ago. gary treats his son “ian” (19m) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. anything ian wants, ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. ian wanted my room when they moved it? i was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? i didn’t get braces for another year. ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break? i had to give up volleyball to make it happen. ian wanted to have his side of the family over? i was expected to find somewhere else to be, since i wasn’t family. my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all. my dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. he’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. i’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad. she predictably freaked out and asked why i’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. i told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary’s lead and give ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. my mom tried to argue so i said, i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”i wasn’t family” so i was going to go live with someone who was. my mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to say where i wanted to be. she’s been a crying mess since i told her, and gary is being a jackass about how awful i’m being. here’s where i might be the asshole. he was bitching at me about how terribly i’m treating them and how i’m not thinking about them at all. i asked why should i, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. i said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. he sort of went slack jawed and i walked off. my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. mom and gary of course think i’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. aita for wanting to get away from this situation?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (16f) used to have a good relationship with my mother. that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “gary” six years ago. gary treats his son “ian” (19m) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. anything ian wants, ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. ian wanted my room when they moved it? i was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? i didn’t get braces for another year. ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break? i had to give up volleyball to make it happen. ian wanted to have his side of the family over? i was expected to find somewhere else to be, since i wasn’t family. my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all. my dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. he’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. i’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad. she predictably freaked out and asked why i’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. i told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary’s lead and give ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. my mom tried to argue so i said, i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”i wasn’t family” so i was going to go live with someone who was. my mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to say where i wanted to be. she’s been a crying mess since i told her, and gary is being a jackass about how awful i’m being. here’s where i might be the asshole. he was bitching at me about how terribly i’m treating them and how i’m not thinking about them at all. i asked why should i, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. i said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. he sort of went slack jawed and i walked off. my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. mom and gary of course think i’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. aita for wanting to get away from this situation? [/INST] nta. i think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was worried about losing your child support. i hope your mother has a hon because she is going to have to pay child support to your dad. </s>
AITA for shutting down talk about having kids with “purposely controversial statements?”	our region has done well handling covid, so my husband and i had a small group of family over for a backyard bbq a month ago. we’re the only ones in the family “left” who don’t have kids. we’re not going to. we prefer our lives as mountaineers. his family thinks we'll change our minds. mind you, husband had the snip. mil jokingly mentioned that maybe with all the “alone time” we’d be giving the family a little bundle of joy. we shut the idea down with good humor. she kept pressing, and sil chimed in with “come on, this is the perfect time to get started!” husband: we’ve talked about this already. let’s drop it. mil: well, i don’t care. husband: again, drop it. mil: i hope it happens! husband: thankfully we’re very careful. mil: accidents happen. it isn’t always up to you. husband: yes, it is. i had a vasectomy. like i said, discussion over. can we move on? we do, but mil and sil are whispering with each other and shooting glances, looking at their phones, etc. bil and i are laughing about something dumb on tv, seems like everything is fine. until sil says, “vasectomies can fail, you know! it’s not a 100% thing.” it gets quiet, mil & sil look smug. mil: so there’s still a chance you can get pregnant, you can never be sure! husband & i lock eyes. party’s over. me: that is exactly what abortions are for. cue screaming and yelling, i’m an evil, cruel bitch, what kind of monster, etc. his family are all supposedly pro-choice. husband yells at them to gtfo, don’t talk to me like that. mil gets up in his face and yells that i said i would kill her grandbabies, how could he stand to hear it. husband: and i would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what both of us would want. party’s over. cue fb shitstorm. mil’s post tags us, says: “we were having a nice family get together and op and husband had bait us with purposely controversial statements. every mom lives to see her babies have babies. yesterday i was told that my cruel dil would murder my grandbabies if she got pregnant and my son would hold her hand while she did it.” i do not feel like we’re assholes, even for how we handled the situation. there was no getting through to them without being direct and final. this isn’t the first time we tried to get them to drop the subject. however, other family members really think we are in the wrong and that i went over the line. reddit, we are the assholes here?	23,961	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hklj0n/aita_for_shutting_down_talk_about_having_kids/	2020-07-03 15:55:56	nta. you both are probably going to have to block her and cut her out for a while. life is too short for this kind of drama.	nta at all; they started it. i also would've asked them why they're so interested in your sex life lol. long term though you may consider using the grey rock method with them which might have more sustainable results.	nta. kids aren’t for everyone and i hate the culture of pushing people to have them. people don’t realize that if those child free people are forced to have children they don’t want, terrible things happen (i’m not saying in every instance, but it does happen). abuse, neglect, maybe not criminal neglect, but there is definitely the feeling of being unwanted.	nta, but you have an extremely wonderful husband.	nta why can't your mother in law accept that you two don't want kids.	>and sil chimed in with “come on, this is the perfect time to get started!” the perfect time to start working on a baby is when you're quarantined because of a lethal pandemic with no end in sight? lol okay. >husband: and i would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what both of us would want. great job to the husband, wow 🏆 anyway, nta, they were salivating over the thought of you getting accidentally knocked up and they're mad that you mention abortion? literally the fuck do they expect.	nta. that’s some r/justnomil material right there. your in laws actively and purposefully refused to respect your boundaries and reproductive choices.	nta they were boundary stomping and repeatedly asked to stop. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.	nta - and no not "every mom lives to see her babies have babies" i have 2 kids, both of whom are entry level adults, both of whom want to be childfree forever. i told them great! don't want them please don't have them! if i get a "need to be a grandma" bug then my grandpets can get many toys and treats!	nta, i came off as a child-hater for years even tho i’ve been great at caring for kids for most of my life. i did it because i wanted people to leave us the hell alone about having them. 14yrs(12 in marriage)into our relationship we decided to have a child, she’ll be 1yo soon, it was just the right time for us and we’re happy. however, this shit is no joke, it’s hard and frustrating and it is perfectly fine if you don’t ever want it. people outside of your marriage don’t get a say, you shot it down over and over and they wouldn’t let it go. they’re ta’s for that, you did good!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: our region has done well handling covid, so my husband and i had a small group of family over for a backyard bbq a month ago. we’re the only ones in the family “left” who don’t have kids. we’re not going to. we prefer our lives as mountaineers. his family thinks we'll change our minds. mind you, husband had the snip. mil jokingly mentioned that maybe with all the “alone time” we’d be giving the family a little bundle of joy. we shut the idea down with good humor. she kept pressing, and sil chimed in with “come on, this is the perfect time to get started!” husband: we’ve talked about this already. let’s drop it. mil: well, i don’t care. husband: again, drop it. mil: i hope it happens! husband: thankfully we’re very careful. mil: accidents happen. it isn’t always up to you. husband: yes, it is. i had a vasectomy. like i said, discussion over. can we move on? we do, but mil and sil are whispering with each other and shooting glances, looking at their phones, etc. bil and i are laughing about something dumb on tv, seems like everything is fine. until sil says, “vasectomies can fail, you know! it’s not a 100% thing.” it gets quiet, mil & sil look smug. mil: so there’s still a chance you can get pregnant, you can never be sure! husband & i lock eyes. party’s over. me: that is exactly what abortions are for. cue screaming and yelling, i’m an evil, cruel bitch, what kind of monster, etc. his family are all supposedly pro-choice. husband yells at them to gtfo, don’t talk to me like that. mil gets up in his face and yells that i said i would kill her grandbabies, how could he stand to hear it. husband: and i would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what both of us would want. party’s over. cue fb shitstorm. mil’s post tags us, says: “we were having a nice family get together and op and husband had bait us with purposely controversial statements. every mom lives to see her babies have babies. yesterday i was told that my cruel dil would murder my grandbabies if she got pregnant and my son would hold her hand while she did it.” i do not feel like we’re assholes, even for how we handled the situation. there was no getting through to them without being direct and final. this isn’t the first time we tried to get them to drop the subject. however, other family members really think we are in the wrong and that i went over the line. reddit, we are the assholes here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> our region has done well handling covid, so my husband and i had a small group of family over for a backyard bbq a month ago. we’re the only ones in the family “left” who don’t have kids. we’re not going to. we prefer our lives as mountaineers. his family thinks we'll change our minds. mind you, husband had the snip. mil jokingly mentioned that maybe with all the “alone time” we’d be giving the family a little bundle of joy. we shut the idea down with good humor. she kept pressing, and sil chimed in with “come on, this is the perfect time to get started!” husband: we’ve talked about this already. let’s drop it. mil: well, i don’t care. husband: again, drop it. mil: i hope it happens! husband: thankfully we’re very careful. mil: accidents happen. it isn’t always up to you. husband: yes, it is. i had a vasectomy. like i said, discussion over. can we move on? we do, but mil and sil are whispering with each other and shooting glances, looking at their phones, etc. bil and i are laughing about something dumb on tv, seems like everything is fine. until sil says, “vasectomies can fail, you know! it’s not a 100% thing.” it gets quiet, mil & sil look smug. mil: so there’s still a chance you can get pregnant, you can never be sure! husband & i lock eyes. party’s over. me: that is exactly what abortions are for. cue screaming and yelling, i’m an evil, cruel bitch, what kind of monster, etc. his family are all supposedly pro-choice. husband yells at them to gtfo, don’t talk to me like that. mil gets up in his face and yells that i said i would kill her grandbabies, how could he stand to hear it. husband: and i would hold her fucking hand the entire time because it’s what both of us would want. party’s over. cue fb shitstorm. mil’s post tags us, says: “we were having a nice family get together and op and husband had bait us with purposely controversial statements. every mom lives to see her babies have babies. yesterday i was told that my cruel dil would murder my grandbabies if she got pregnant and my son would hold her hand while she did it.” i do not feel like we’re assholes, even for how we handled the situation. there was no getting through to them without being direct and final. this isn’t the first time we tried to get them to drop the subject. however, other family members really think we are in the wrong and that i went over the line. reddit, we are the assholes here? [/INST] nta. you both are probably going to have to block her and cut her out for a while. life is too short for this kind of drama. </s>
AITA for showing my missing eye to the new teacher after he told me my bangs are disrespectful?	i had an accident when i was a baby and i lost my left eye. i don't have an eye socket i could put a fake eye in, it's just normal skin and some scars on a big pach of my face (they reconstructed my face with a later surgery this way). the right side and the bottom half of my face is completely normal. i have big side bangs that hide the left side of my face so i don't freak anyone out and i don't get weird looks. i've been going to the same school since i was 5, so the teachers and the kids know about it. we got a new teacher this week. he started by asking us to go around and introduce ourself. when it got to me, he was rude and asked me "do your parents know you come to school looking like this? it's extremely disrespectful, fix your bangs, i want to see your face!" so i obeyed and tucked my bangs behind my ear, showing the left side of my face. he gasped, his face turned red, my classmates laughed and he told me that i can let my bangs down. later that day, my head teacher came to me to scold me. she told me i was wrong to "shock" the new teacher and i should've just told him about it. did i do anything wrong? i just obeyed his orders, it's not my fault he ended up not wanting to look at my face. aita? -----	23,951	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vcp73o/aita_for_showing_my_missing_eye_to_the_new/	2022-06-15 07:48:26	nta 1000x, you followed his orders. not your fault you only have one eye. plus, if you told him "im missing an eye." we all know his teacher instinct would be to have you prove it anyway lmao.	nta. ask your head teacher why the new teacher thought it was right to comment on your appearance in the first place (maybe with parents/guardians involved because that’s a horrible way to treat a student). he embarrassed himself — you were just obliging his demand.	nta. if the new teacher rebuked you publicly for acting disrespectfully, it was on you to rebuke him publicly by complying with his request. also, consider taking your story to r/maliciouscompliance.	nta the teacher put you in an awful position. even if you were not missing an eye there are so many viable reasons why someone would want to 'hide behind bangs." that teacher bullied you. yes you should file a complaint. have your parents do it if they are willing to go to bat. that teacher has no business around kids.	i suggest to involve the parents: both the teacher and head teacher have been rude and disrespectful. they need to apologize in public. nta	nta. your head teacher should be telling new teachers about issues like this. or, new teachers should not be such jerks.	nta. teacher could’ve came to you quietly as well, and not called you out in front of class. teacher was arrogant, and he got taught that students may have their reasons.	nta. the other comments make a lot of good points but also, it’s very disrespectful of the head teacher to say your appearance is “shocking”, no matter the reason. both teachers are acting like asshats. i would make a complaint against both of them.	nta. he told you to do so.. you did. if you would've told him why you've bangs, i think he wouldn't even believe you.. so... he was the rude one here!	this reminds me so much of a situation at our school at around grade 8 or so. a schoolmate of ours had cancer and was going through chemo. ergo she was bald and she always wore a hat to school. a teacher told her to take it off (he probably just thought she had short hair). various of us classmates told the teacher he should just leave it well she then spoke up that she has cancer and would rather not and that luckily shut him up. i don't get why teachers don't get these things shared by other teachers. it's kids who have to go through enough, without having to go explain themselves to every new person...	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had an accident when i was a baby and i lost my left eye. i don't have an eye socket i could put a fake eye in, it's just normal skin and some scars on a big pach of my face (they reconstructed my face with a later surgery this way). the right side and the bottom half of my face is completely normal. i have big side bangs that hide the left side of my face so i don't freak anyone out and i don't get weird looks. i've been going to the same school since i was 5, so the teachers and the kids know about it. we got a new teacher this week. he started by asking us to go around and introduce ourself. when it got to me, he was rude and asked me "do your parents know you come to school looking like this? it's extremely disrespectful, fix your bangs, i want to see your face!" so i obeyed and tucked my bangs behind my ear, showing the left side of my face. he gasped, his face turned red, my classmates laughed and he told me that i can let my bangs down. later that day, my head teacher came to me to scold me. she told me i was wrong to "shock" the new teacher and i should've just told him about it. did i do anything wrong? i just obeyed his orders, it's not my fault he ended up not wanting to look at my face. aita? -----	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i had an accident when i was a baby and i lost my left eye. i don't have an eye socket i could put a fake eye in, it's just normal skin and some scars on a big pach of my face (they reconstructed my face with a later surgery this way). the right side and the bottom half of my face is completely normal. i have big side bangs that hide the left side of my face so i don't freak anyone out and i don't get weird looks. i've been going to the same school since i was 5, so the teachers and the kids know about it. we got a new teacher this week. he started by asking us to go around and introduce ourself. when it got to me, he was rude and asked me "do your parents know you come to school looking like this? it's extremely disrespectful, fix your bangs, i want to see your face!" so i obeyed and tucked my bangs behind my ear, showing the left side of my face. he gasped, his face turned red, my classmates laughed and he told me that i can let my bangs down. later that day, my head teacher came to me to scold me. she told me i was wrong to "shock" the new teacher and i should've just told him about it. did i do anything wrong? i just obeyed his orders, it's not my fault he ended up not wanting to look at my face. aita? ----- [/INST] nta 1000x, you followed his orders. not your fault you only have one eye. plus, if you told him "im missing an eye." we all know his teacher instinct would be to have you prove it anyway lmao. </s>
AITA for refusing to give this woman her grandma's wedding dress and jewelry back?	i(26f) bought a hoarder house back in may 2018. it is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house. when i bought it, the contract stated that i take ownership of the house and everything in it. the lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8", and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling). well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. while doing the cleaning i made sure to check everything before throwing it out. ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. this woman took care of that dress untill she couldn't anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it. i currently don't have a partner, but i decided that it would he the dress i will be wearing if i ever get married. while doing the cleaning, i reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork...), and because of that, i had one of them (30s f) in my fb friends list. after repairing the dress, i put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on fb. well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back. i refused to give them back, and legally they can't do anything. also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me. now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. aita?	23,946	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wzfy5w/aita_for_refusing_to_give_this_woman_her_grandmas/	2022-08-27 22:56:49	nta- recovering hoarder here. legally, you are in the right. morally, you are also in the right. and though i cannot speak for the woman whose things you now own, i can give you insight into how i would feel if i died before i could find homes for my treasures: i would want someone who cared enough to restore and respect the items to have them. you saw the beauty in them, as did she. you didn't just chuck it all in a dumpster. take them, wear them, be happy to honor the original owner. her family did not view these things as anything but a hassle.	nta. it’s a lot to clean a hoarder’s house. they could have hired a service if they were mentally unable to do it but instead they dumped it on someone else who paid them to take the house and all that’s in it. if they cared about the items they should have offered you money or asked you to keep an eye out. it’s yours, you did the work. i don’t care how cheap you got the house, it probably doesn’t “even out” like someone said because hoarding houses are… disasters, simply put and it takes a lot to clean and restore them.	nta you bought it and then (more importantly) you did a shit ton of work to save and restore these things. honestly, if i were the grandma i'd rather have my stuff go to a random stranger who gave a damn then anyone else. also, on that note, i'm gonna call out everyone in the comments (fortunately not that many) who say that this dress is more important to the family member. umm, no. it's not that important to the family. their convenience was more important. now that all of the hard work is done suddenly it all means so much to them. that's ridiculous. my grandmother was a hoarder and my family spent months cleaning out her house after she died. we did that because our family heirlooms and history meant something to us. it wasn't easy. it was costly and time consuming and miserable, and really important. you don't get to come back later, after all of the work is done, and decide you're suddenly entitled to the fruit of someone else's work.	nta. you can offer to sell it to them if you are feeling nice, but you literally spent 4 years going through all of the house, cleaning and fixing things up. that's a lot of labor they didn't feel like dealing with. you should probably remove them from fb. honestly it's also a little weird that you posted a pic in that dress if you plan on getting married in it someday	nta- but, since you were giving them mementos, which was a nice gesture, i think you confused them when you showed off the dress. cut them off and stop showing anymore things you’ve discovered.	nah the previous owner of the home passed away and it was likely much easier for her family to sell the house as is. in these cases the family are exhausted trying to reach the mentally ill person with the hoarding problem and just want to remove that stress from their lives after she passed. completely reasonable. they may have thought it all destroyed because as you said you could only open doors 8" and there was waste everywhere. you are legally the owner of this property and you took the time and money and care to restore these items. as they are legally yours. you do have a right to keep them. i'm not going to say you're an ah for keeping them, but it would be a very kind thing to offer these items to the family. despite the fact the house was in ruins it doesn't mean they didn't love their grandmother and wish to have some of the things she likely would have left to them if she'd been able to get to them. edited because i forgot judgement	nta. i honestly do feel this is a case of them wanting the spoils without doing the labor. you invested your time and money to recover clean and fix everything. you should be compensated for your labor. you did give them back sentimental items but if they want the valuable items i think they should pay.	nta i feel like people are not understanding the risk you took buying a hoarder house. the cleaning/disposal for cleaning up a bad hoard is expensive and time consuming, and there's no guarantees of being able to salvage anything. plus, it's not unusual for the entire house to be destroyed by a hoard and the destruction to not be visible until the hoard is cleared. let's be clear, the family had a chance to ask for a clause to return or buy back the heirlooms when they sold the house. they didn't do that because they assumed nothing they valued survived and they didn't want the trauma of dealing with the hoard. i understand the surprise of seeing that you were able to salvage these heirlooms, and i understand them wanting the heirlooms back. but, they don't get to just demand the items and they don't get to be shitty about you saying no. frankly, they should be grateful that you salvaged and returned the other sentimental mementos and papers. many people wouldn't even go that far.	i'm going to have to go with yta. while you may legally own those items, and they could've looked through the house themselves, once you've opened up communication with the family and friended them on facebook, flaunting their dead grandma's stuff--and expensive stuff at that-- is like rubbing their loss of heirlooms in their faces. there are many reasons people sell homes as is. people on this subreddit seem to think it's just because they "didn't care enough to look through it themselves." but more than likely other factors-- like mental health, grief, managing debt after a loss-- were all huge factors. maybe they made a difficult decision and sold the house to pay for a funeral, who knows. it doesn't mean that what is in the house isn't still significant. op clearly said that the dress looked like it had been taken care of--probably more than other things in the home-- which means that this dead woman probably wanted to pass on her wedding dress. flaunting that and her valuable possessions in front of the family through facebook is thoughtless behavior. to echo what other posters have said, what is legal and moral are two different things.	nta here. this is no good deed goes unpunished situation if you'd trashed the mementos that are purely sentimental instead of seeking the family out you share, no one would give you any grief for not handing other items back. there are professionals who could have been hired to sort through the hoarder's house. the family chose not to get help. they sold the house knowing grandma's valuables were in there. tell them you will give them anything indicated as theirs in the legal contract they read and signed when they sold the house to you but do not get sucked into a debate or a fight.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	0.03763	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(26f) bought a hoarder house back in may 2018. it is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house. when i bought it, the contract stated that i take ownership of the house and everything in it. the lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8", and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling). well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. while doing the cleaning i made sure to check everything before throwing it out. ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. this woman took care of that dress untill she couldn't anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it. i currently don't have a partner, but i decided that it would he the dress i will be wearing if i ever get married. while doing the cleaning, i reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork...), and because of that, i had one of them (30s f) in my fb friends list. after repairing the dress, i put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on fb. well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back. i refused to give them back, and legally they can't do anything. also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me. now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i(26f) bought a hoarder house back in may 2018. it is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house. when i bought it, the contract stated that i take ownership of the house and everything in it. the lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8", and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling). well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. while doing the cleaning i made sure to check everything before throwing it out. ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. this woman took care of that dress untill she couldn't anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it. i currently don't have a partner, but i decided that it would he the dress i will be wearing if i ever get married. while doing the cleaning, i reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork...), and because of that, i had one of them (30s f) in my fb friends list. after repairing the dress, i put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on fb. well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back. i refused to give them back, and legally they can't do anything. also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me. now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. aita? [/INST] nta- recovering hoarder here. legally, you are in the right. morally, you are also in the right. and though i cannot speak for the woman whose things you now own, i can give you insight into how i would feel if i died before i could find homes for my treasures: i would want someone who cared enough to restore and respect the items to have them. you saw the beauty in them, as did she. you didn't just chuck it all in a dumpster. take them, wear them, be happy to honor the original owner. her family did not view these things as anything but a hassle. </s>
AITA for telling my brother in law he's a walking advertisement for abortion?	my wife was more than five months pregnant when we learned that our daughter would not survive outside the womb. we were devastated, as this was a very wanted pregnancy. my wife made the difficult decision to have an induction abortion. the procedure itself went as expected, and she is physically fine. emotionally, we are both still grieving. i was with her the whole time. yesterday, we had a family gathering. my family knew we were expecting, and i had the horrible job of telling them we had lost the baby. my parents and sister expressed their sympathies. however, bil, who is extremely pro-life, throughout the night told my wife repeatedly her that she was a murderer and that she killed her own daughter, and all sorts of other awful things that made her feel much worse. i was appalled when i caught him doing this, and my wife was on the verge of breaking down all over. i yelled at him, pointing out how he had gotten a dui in the past that put another person in the hospital, how he was working a low-paying job selling cigarettes that kill thousands of people every year at a convenience store, and how i had needed to bail him and my sister out financially more than once for medical reasons. then i ended with "if anything, you're a walking advertisement for abortion. your mother probably wishes she had aborted you." i took my wife home, furious. then later, i got a call from my sister. she apologized initially, saying she realized what her husband had said was out of line, but then tried to justify it by pointing out that he was raised to believe abortion was wrong. i should have been more understanding, and it was unfair of me to point out his past struggles when he had been doing better recently. i cussed her out and hung up, but now i'm wondering if i did go too far? aita for basically telling my brother in law he should have been aborted?	23,928	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j82zzp/aita_for_telling_my_brother_in_law_hes_a_walking/	2020-10-09 17:11:29	nta i’m so sorry about your baby. “incompatible with life” is one of the most devastating phrases in the english language. your bil brought it on himself. how unkind of him to harass a grieving mother, and your sister isn’t much better in defending him.	nta. your bil’s attitude is incompatible with compassion and his timing is atrocious. there are some moments where the person who loses their cool and says something hurtful gets a pass and having to terminate a wanted pregnancy is up at the top of the list. big hugs to you and your wife. bil needs to attend his own life choices.	nta. usually i’m not someone who agrees responding by going low or insulting but seriously? screw this guy. he’s an awful person. he’s not your wife’s dr, child’s dr, you or your wife, he gets no say at all. if the loss of a child’s life is so tragic to him maybe some sympathy for the horrible choice you had to make should have been his first step. i’m so sorry for your loss.	nta while some would say your reaction over the top your were grieving and he had the audacity to say your wife was a murder when the baby wasn’t going to make it.	nta, i 100% agree with everything you said, and i'm.so sorry for your loss	nta, telling someone who just made a decision that will affect the rest of their lives, that they are a murderer means you are one fucked in the head individual. time to let them know that this behavior is unexceptionable and that they will not be a part of you life till an apology is made by bil and he shows that he's not going to try this shit again	nta but he sure is and so is his wife. since they are such fine, upstanding citizens guess they don't need hand outs or help anymore. he is so pro life how many kids has he adopted? also sorry for your loss.	nta the problem with anti abortionist are that they thinks it okay to blab their opinions whenever they feel like it. whatever view you hold, if you think its okay to criticize someone when they're at a low point then you don't deserve any respect or civility.	[removed]	nta. you guys have been grieving the loss of your child and they decided to poke the beast. don’t fuck with people who are grieving. if they’re not hurting themselves or others, if they’re not unhealthy or a danger of any kind, let them be. it’s not uncommon for people in grief to lash out or experience mood swings, irritability, depression, etc. while it doesn’t make it okay, it’s understandable and most decent humans try to be understanding that those people aren’t themselves, they’re in pain and processing. but bil decided to actively attack a postpartum woman (funny he chose to attack your wife and not you or both of you, and also interesting he tried to do it away from/out of earshot of others, which to me indicates that he knew exactly what he was doing and targeted her because he’s either a misogynistic fuck or a cowardly bully, probably both) grieving the loss of her much wanted child, and your sister calls to defend him? they don’t have the respect to leave you to grieve in peace, so they get what they deserve, which is certainly not your respect or kindness. i’m sure you and your sister will talk at another time and work it out, but she was incredibly insensitive to try and defend her husband’s horrific, unjustifiable actions to grieving parents. it literally requires less effort to not be dickheads to people in pain than what your bil did and your sister really should have given the apology only and saved her defense of her disgusting, deplorable, hypocritical husband for another, less emotional time. so sorry for your loss and you’re not at all the butt here, nor do i think you share any responsibility in this. take care of yourself and your wife. everyone else can wait. they don’t even have the basic human decency to give you guys a little time to heal, so you certainly don’t need to bend over backwards to hold their hands and kiss their boo boo feelings better.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife was more than five months pregnant when we learned that our daughter would not survive outside the womb. we were devastated, as this was a very wanted pregnancy. my wife made the difficult decision to have an induction abortion. the procedure itself went as expected, and she is physically fine. emotionally, we are both still grieving. i was with her the whole time. yesterday, we had a family gathering. my family knew we were expecting, and i had the horrible job of telling them we had lost the baby. my parents and sister expressed their sympathies. however, bil, who is extremely pro-life, throughout the night told my wife repeatedly her that she was a murderer and that she killed her own daughter, and all sorts of other awful things that made her feel much worse. i was appalled when i caught him doing this, and my wife was on the verge of breaking down all over. i yelled at him, pointing out how he had gotten a dui in the past that put another person in the hospital, how he was working a low-paying job selling cigarettes that kill thousands of people every year at a convenience store, and how i had needed to bail him and my sister out financially more than once for medical reasons. then i ended with "if anything, you're a walking advertisement for abortion. your mother probably wishes she had aborted you." i took my wife home, furious. then later, i got a call from my sister. she apologized initially, saying she realized what her husband had said was out of line, but then tried to justify it by pointing out that he was raised to believe abortion was wrong. i should have been more understanding, and it was unfair of me to point out his past struggles when he had been doing better recently. i cussed her out and hung up, but now i'm wondering if i did go too far? aita for basically telling my brother in law he should have been aborted?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife was more than five months pregnant when we learned that our daughter would not survive outside the womb. we were devastated, as this was a very wanted pregnancy. my wife made the difficult decision to have an induction abortion. the procedure itself went as expected, and she is physically fine. emotionally, we are both still grieving. i was with her the whole time. yesterday, we had a family gathering. my family knew we were expecting, and i had the horrible job of telling them we had lost the baby. my parents and sister expressed their sympathies. however, bil, who is extremely pro-life, throughout the night told my wife repeatedly her that she was a murderer and that she killed her own daughter, and all sorts of other awful things that made her feel much worse. i was appalled when i caught him doing this, and my wife was on the verge of breaking down all over. i yelled at him, pointing out how he had gotten a dui in the past that put another person in the hospital, how he was working a low-paying job selling cigarettes that kill thousands of people every year at a convenience store, and how i had needed to bail him and my sister out financially more than once for medical reasons. then i ended with "if anything, you're a walking advertisement for abortion. your mother probably wishes she had aborted you." i took my wife home, furious. then later, i got a call from my sister. she apologized initially, saying she realized what her husband had said was out of line, but then tried to justify it by pointing out that he was raised to believe abortion was wrong. i should have been more understanding, and it was unfair of me to point out his past struggles when he had been doing better recently. i cussed her out and hung up, but now i'm wondering if i did go too far? aita for basically telling my brother in law he should have been aborted? [/INST] nta i’m so sorry about your baby. “incompatible with life” is one of the most devastating phrases in the english language. your bil brought it on himself. how unkind of him to harass a grieving mother, and your sister isn’t much better in defending him. </s>
AITA for leaving my best friend and his friends stranded in an unfamiliar city?	so for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these spartan races. he and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. so they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (i have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. i said no, i wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that i'd drive them and the camper to their event. we made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day. i have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. remember this. come nightfall, i went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. when i got back to the camper, the door was locked, and i was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in my trailer. so i reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized i had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. so i called my best friend from outside and all i was told was "sorry bro, nothing i can do". so i ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which i had fortunately left unlocked by accident. their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. no apology, by the way. so while they were in their race, i hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). when i saw them coming, i started the truck and drove off the property. with them chasing behind. i made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. when i finally got home, i finally took my best friend's call. he started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? we have no way home now". i just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after i did you this solid. he told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. i think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them. is he right? was there a better way to handle this? i felt justified until he said that. i am kinda doubting my decision now. am i the asshole?	23,927	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uptyk1/aita_for_leaving_my_best_friend_and_his_friends/	2022-05-15 00:18:07	nta. they’re spartan warriors, right? they should run home.	nta. was there a more adult way to deal with this? definitely. did they deserve to be treated like adults after the disrespectful, asinine and childish stunt they pulled? no. fuck those guys. they got what they deserved.	nta… who tells someone they can’t sleep in their own camper? he’s not your best friend.	i'm just really confused what these people's thought process was. they really thought they'd lock you out of your own camper and you'd smile and drive them home? was it harsh? yes. did they deserve it? also yes. they're grown, they can find their way home. nta	nta. they straight up locked you out? that's messed up. sounds like they see you not as a friend but as someone who can do stuff for them. they are adults with phones and money, they were fine. i would suggest you start making new (better) friends, even if you decide to keep these guys around.	nta. this made me laugh. i could picture you hitching up the camper to your truck. looking at your watch and looking out for the first sign of them coming. then seeing them come and executing the perfect moment to fking floor it and yee haw!!! get the fk outta there!!! then looking in the mirror and getting the ultimate satisfaction of seeing them running after you but to no avail. you need to cross post this. i think there is a petty revenge sub? because this is gold.	nta- a better way, like calling the police on them for locking you out of your property?	nta , maybe i'm bias because i love what you did, but i think it's fair. they locked you out of your trailer and stole the keys ! you're not wrong for getting back at them questions though ? y'all aren't like , kids right ? because i think that would be kinda not ok if you stranded some 18 year olds like that.	nta. you did your friend an enormous favor by giving them a ride and a place to stay only for them to kick you out. honestly they sound like entitled assholes and for all of the people call you the ah, hind sight is 20/20. i’m not saying that it’s not possible you couldn’t have found a better solution but in the heat of the moment, after having slept in your truck, you get a pass.	nta. with more training, they might’ve caught up. they should thank you.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these spartan races. he and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. so they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (i have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. i said no, i wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that i'd drive them and the camper to their event. we made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day. i have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. remember this. come nightfall, i went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. when i got back to the camper, the door was locked, and i was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in my trailer. so i reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized i had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. so i called my best friend from outside and all i was told was "sorry bro, nothing i can do". so i ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which i had fortunately left unlocked by accident. their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. no apology, by the way. so while they were in their race, i hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). when i saw them coming, i started the truck and drove off the property. with them chasing behind. i made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. when i finally got home, i finally took my best friend's call. he started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? we have no way home now". i just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after i did you this solid. he told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. i think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them. is he right? was there a better way to handle this? i felt justified until he said that. i am kinda doubting my decision now. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these spartan races. he and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. so they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (i have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. i said no, i wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that i'd drive them and the camper to their event. we made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day. i have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. remember this. come nightfall, i went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. when i got back to the camper, the door was locked, and i was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in my trailer. so i reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized i had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. so i called my best friend from outside and all i was told was "sorry bro, nothing i can do". so i ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which i had fortunately left unlocked by accident. their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. no apology, by the way. so while they were in their race, i hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). when i saw them coming, i started the truck and drove off the property. with them chasing behind. i made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. when i finally got home, i finally took my best friend's call. he started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? we have no way home now". i just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after i did you this solid. he told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. i think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them. is he right? was there a better way to handle this? i felt justified until he said that. i am kinda doubting my decision now. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. they’re spartan warriors, right? they should run home. </s>
AITA for responding to my father’s request for a relationship with a detailed PowerPoint on why he will never be forgiven?	if i’m the ah here, i’ll own it. i’m not sorry, but like it would be good to know because the rest of my family thinks this went too far. my (24f) mom died when i was 7 from leukemia. i have very few memories of her from before she was sick and i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her in her last year but she was an artist and until she couldn’t anymore she would make me little collages when she was in the hospital with drawings and photos and messages for me. my grandmother put them all in a book for me after she died. i wanted to be like my mom and my counselor thought it would help, so i started a journal where i would do kind of a similar thing and i’ve done at least one page a week all these years ever since my mom died, more when i miss her or have something hard going on. so, i have kind of a unique record of my mental state over the last 16 years. my father remarried when i was 9. my step-mother really leaned hard into the “i’m your mom now” and my father didn’t stop her. it improved when they had my half-brother because she basically forgot about me then. unfortunately he got cancer when he was 3. and i pretty much ceased to exist for my father, he was either working or gone with my brother and i spent all my teen years mostly at home alone or with my grandparents. the mantra was that my brother needed to be the focus because he might die so i needed to not be selfish since i was healthy. i stopped trying to talk to him when i was 16 and it was a dark time. i moved out when i was 18 and cut them off completely. my grandparents let me know that my brother died a couple of years ago but respected my desire to remain nc with my father. he recently reached out to them because he wants to see me and talk. i went through my old journals and made him a powerpoint with images of the entries where i had talked about being frustrated and feeling abandoned and unwanted, some with literal quotes of things my dad had said to me during arguments. even the really dark stuff from when i was seriously depressed. then i ended it with a photo of one of my mom’s collages where she had written “remember that your dad and i are always here for you” and i wrote “you failed. go away.” underneath. i felt like him being able to see it from my literal perspective would communicate why i don’t want him back better than i could. evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel. maybe it was, i know my bar for that is kind of weird sometimes, so aita?	23,900	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zh2g3s/aita_for_responding_to_my_fathers_request_for_a/	2022-12-09 17:00:46	nta, i have a saying "if the truth about your conduct paints you in a bad light, the problem isn't with the truth. its with your conduct." if the truth hurts your dad its his own to deal with and not on you.	nta in the slightest. you told your dad how you felt and it made him have to confront his failures as a parent. it is not your fault he neglected you. he is upset because he knows what you put in the powerpoint is the reality of how he treated you when you were just a child. now that the truth is out and you have reestablished nc, i hope you are able to let go of some of the anger you have at him and know that you did nothing to cause how he treated you. i’m no contact with my dad and have been able to find a lot of peace in the life i have built without him. i hope for the same for you.	nta he failed. he's gutted because he's had to look at the actual consequences of his actions- the paain he caused his child. yea that probably sucks, buy maybe he should have been a better dad.	>evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel. it was unnecessarily cruel of him to completely abandon/ignore you when your half-brother got sick. you already lost your mom, you would lose your brother, too, but he didn't think you needed any support or help? nta.	holy shit. nta but that was brutal. i pictured the "you failed" popping up at the end like when you die in dark souls.	nta. was it harsh? yeah. was it a lot of effort when simply have telling him “go away” would have accomplished the basic goal? probably. but this was your lived reality, and he wasn’t interested in hearing or helping you when it would actually have made a difference. if it’s only now dawning on him how lonely and rejected you must have felt, he’s just going to have to live with that. (also, one does have to question whether he’d be this gutted or even reaching out at all if your brother were still here.)	that was painfully harsh to read, but i still think nta. your father did fail you repeatedly, even before your brother got sick. he should never have married a woman who tried to push out the memory of your mom. and he should never have tolerated you being "forgotten about" as soon as your half-brother was born. your brother's illness and passing were a tragedy and your dad and stepmom could perhaps be forgiven for a "doing their best but fell short" type of parenting. but they clearly didn't even reach that level. people will convince themselves of all kinds of delusions about why a close relationship went bad. you destroyed any such delusions your father had and spoke your truth. if he wants to have any hope of repairing his relationship with you, that can't happen until he honestly faces what he did to you. (i am not saying that to push you into repairing your relationship with him -- that's your call to make. just that if it were to happen, that would be an important element.) he could start by calling off the family members who are hassling you.	nta at all. how dare your “family” expect you to sugar coat your feelings for your awful awful father. how. dare. they. real family would apologize to you for letting you suffer in silence and not being there to help you, a child yourself, with the things you needed to grow up emotionally healthy. real family would ask how they can help you now. real family wouldn’t minimize the problems because they are inconvenient for their narrative. these people want to play happy family and pretend everything is not as bad as it is. this situation is exactly karma for your dad’s absolute failure as a father. he brought this on himself. i am soooo angry for you. they don’t get to decide what is necessary and unnecessary for you. don’t you dare let them talk you out of what you feel because they don’t like how it makes them feel or look. your power point didn’t “work too well”, it worked. period. i’m proud of you for finally getting to say things in a way that got your point across. now go be awesome on your own. you don’t owe them a lift up after they let you down. and please don’t listen when they tell you to “be the bigger person”. it just means eat their abuse. i think you need to face the reality that you have better coping mechanisms and understanding of what it means to be a functional adult than your father and family. they may be older, but they are not wiser. you are adult and you get to decide what that means. you get to decide what works for you. i’m so sorry this was your childhood reality. i hope you continue to do your art therapy, and make up for your neglect with a great life. nta. at all.	nta. you're the goat!!! his and stepmother's behavior was extreme! having 1 sick child doesn't cause other children to cease to exist. demanding that you shrink yourself and neglect/belittle your wants/needs/experiences because you were healthy is beyond cruel and toxic. you gave him 10 minutes to learn how you felt about his neglect and cruelty. he's had, what, a week or two of feeling the hopelessness and supposedly suffering. you've had at least 12-15 years of suffering??? that's what i would text back to every person who has criticized you: you suffered depression, neglect, and cruelty for 10-12 years. you're father hasn't suffered those things, he inflicted them. he's is experiencing the consequences of his actions, and it's only been 2 weeks. the fact is you did not make that powerpoint to cause pain, you made it to explain why you feel the way you do, and that you don't want anything to do with him, ever. then ask those people if they ever held him to account for him abdication of parental responsibility and insist he straighten up. unless they confronted him during that time period he abandoned you, they don't have a duck in the hunt and need to bury their heads in the sand just as they did back then. your mom sounds like she was amazing. your weekly collection of collages sounds awesome and i'd definitely buy a big glossy book from a person who showed them off and told the stories of that period of time. so, that means you're awesome. which is why you're the goat. keep being rad. btw, i finally went no contact with my narcissistic mother when i was 40.	nta this was a brilliant and direct approach your father is finally feeling what you felt all your life and he's simply too weak to handle it ...even his reaction is a selfish self centered one screaming me me me me.....	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: if i’m the ah here, i’ll own it. i’m not sorry, but like it would be good to know because the rest of my family thinks this went too far. my (24f) mom died when i was 7 from leukemia. i have very few memories of her from before she was sick and i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her in her last year but she was an artist and until she couldn’t anymore she would make me little collages when she was in the hospital with drawings and photos and messages for me. my grandmother put them all in a book for me after she died. i wanted to be like my mom and my counselor thought it would help, so i started a journal where i would do kind of a similar thing and i’ve done at least one page a week all these years ever since my mom died, more when i miss her or have something hard going on. so, i have kind of a unique record of my mental state over the last 16 years. my father remarried when i was 9. my step-mother really leaned hard into the “i’m your mom now” and my father didn’t stop her. it improved when they had my half-brother because she basically forgot about me then. unfortunately he got cancer when he was 3. and i pretty much ceased to exist for my father, he was either working or gone with my brother and i spent all my teen years mostly at home alone or with my grandparents. the mantra was that my brother needed to be the focus because he might die so i needed to not be selfish since i was healthy. i stopped trying to talk to him when i was 16 and it was a dark time. i moved out when i was 18 and cut them off completely. my grandparents let me know that my brother died a couple of years ago but respected my desire to remain nc with my father. he recently reached out to them because he wants to see me and talk. i went through my old journals and made him a powerpoint with images of the entries where i had talked about being frustrated and feeling abandoned and unwanted, some with literal quotes of things my dad had said to me during arguments. even the really dark stuff from when i was seriously depressed. then i ended it with a photo of one of my mom’s collages where she had written “remember that your dad and i are always here for you” and i wrote “you failed. go away.” underneath. i felt like him being able to see it from my literal perspective would communicate why i don’t want him back better than i could. evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel. maybe it was, i know my bar for that is kind of weird sometimes, so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> if i’m the ah here, i’ll own it. i’m not sorry, but like it would be good to know because the rest of my family thinks this went too far. my (24f) mom died when i was 7 from leukemia. i have very few memories of her from before she was sick and i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her in her last year but she was an artist and until she couldn’t anymore she would make me little collages when she was in the hospital with drawings and photos and messages for me. my grandmother put them all in a book for me after she died. i wanted to be like my mom and my counselor thought it would help, so i started a journal where i would do kind of a similar thing and i’ve done at least one page a week all these years ever since my mom died, more when i miss her or have something hard going on. so, i have kind of a unique record of my mental state over the last 16 years. my father remarried when i was 9. my step-mother really leaned hard into the “i’m your mom now” and my father didn’t stop her. it improved when they had my half-brother because she basically forgot about me then. unfortunately he got cancer when he was 3. and i pretty much ceased to exist for my father, he was either working or gone with my brother and i spent all my teen years mostly at home alone or with my grandparents. the mantra was that my brother needed to be the focus because he might die so i needed to not be selfish since i was healthy. i stopped trying to talk to him when i was 16 and it was a dark time. i moved out when i was 18 and cut them off completely. my grandparents let me know that my brother died a couple of years ago but respected my desire to remain nc with my father. he recently reached out to them because he wants to see me and talk. i went through my old journals and made him a powerpoint with images of the entries where i had talked about being frustrated and feeling abandoned and unwanted, some with literal quotes of things my dad had said to me during arguments. even the really dark stuff from when i was seriously depressed. then i ended it with a photo of one of my mom’s collages where she had written “remember that your dad and i are always here for you” and i wrote “you failed. go away.” underneath. i felt like him being able to see it from my literal perspective would communicate why i don’t want him back better than i could. evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel. maybe it was, i know my bar for that is kind of weird sometimes, so aita? [/INST] nta, i have a saying "if the truth about your conduct paints you in a bad light, the problem isn't with the truth. its with your conduct." if the truth hurts your dad its his own to deal with and not on you. </s>
AITA for yelling at a little girl to get out of my face	my newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. it requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans. enter lady with four kids: a newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). she really really should have brought an ipad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. the mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever). her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. she was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. ffs at one point when i wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. my newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and i did not feel like entertaining some strange kid. i tried being polite about it "sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "ma'am!" -points to kid- the lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. rinse and repeat. i told her she needed to stay with her mom. little punk deadass says "i don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff. finally, i'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? why is your baby crying! make him stop! i don't like that" and her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. so now i'm out formula, kid still screaming, and i have a huge mess that i don't have a great way to clean up. i'm at my wits end. i raise my voice at this kid. "look what you did. i am not your mom, i am not your babysitter. you are bothering me. get out of my face!!" people looked at me like i was the biggest bitch on earth. a lady speaking spanish actually did call me a bitch. the little girl starts crying. i'm not apologizing. the mom confronts me, i tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill i'm prepared to die on. so reddit, aita?	23,874	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c6t9kj/aita_for_yelling_at_a_little_girl_to_get_out_of/	2019-06-29 02:26:48	nta. some kids just don't get the point until you raise your voice because their parents have never enforced boundaries.	nta (the other mother is) you shouldn’t have to watch her kid in a waiting room. she should have kept the kids with her and they shouldn’t be touching your stuff. maybe could have said something directly to the mom but obviously sending her back she should have taken the hint.	nta. the fact that the child practically harassed you and then made it so you couldn’t feed your child would probably drive many people to yelling. the mother is definitely the biggest asshole. for evidently not being able to control her offsprings. the child isn’t exactly an asshole if they have issues.	nta. i say this because if it was your kid doing that everyone would be calling you the asshole. you are not that kids parent, or the kid help, so that kids parent should step up if she wants all the damn kids.	nta, normally i'd say you overreacted by yelling at the girl but she was endangering your newborn so fuck her feelings. she'll get over it.	esh i get you are on your last nerve. i've been there with a fussy baby, but you can't take it out on little kids. you got to be the adult in the room.	esh. obviously the mom sucks ass. she should have definitely brought entertainment. i know it’s hard to take care of four kids, especially if one has a disability like you said but god damn, watch your kid. i personally can’t see how yelling at a disabled kid would help you in that situation. remember, adults talk to adults. i wouldn’t have said you were an asshole if you took that energy to the mom.	nta ..people need to care for their children if they are going to take them in public.	esh yeah that situation sound awful. the little girl sounds like a demon. and the mom was apathetic. you screamed in the face of a 4-6 year old who you think had special needs. i understand why you lost it. but that doesn't make it okay. you're also ta here.	nta while you could of handled the situation better, the difference between how you handle an annoying kid vs an annoying adult is thus. you immediately or quickly yell at the adult. for a kid, you are polite, then get their guardian, and if their guardian doesn’t discipline them you try to gently discipline them, but it gets to a point when you have no choice but to yell at them. you didn’t curse or use overly offensive language, so i fail to see the problem. you can’t be excepted to sit there while being tormented by a kid.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	ESH	NTA	ESH	NTA	0.139196	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. it requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans. enter lady with four kids: a newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). she really really should have brought an ipad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. the mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever). her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. she was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. ffs at one point when i wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. my newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and i did not feel like entertaining some strange kid. i tried being polite about it "sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "ma'am!" -points to kid- the lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. rinse and repeat. i told her she needed to stay with her mom. little punk deadass says "i don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff. finally, i'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? why is your baby crying! make him stop! i don't like that" and her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. so now i'm out formula, kid still screaming, and i have a huge mess that i don't have a great way to clean up. i'm at my wits end. i raise my voice at this kid. "look what you did. i am not your mom, i am not your babysitter. you are bothering me. get out of my face!!" people looked at me like i was the biggest bitch on earth. a lady speaking spanish actually did call me a bitch. the little girl starts crying. i'm not apologizing. the mom confronts me, i tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill i'm prepared to die on. so reddit, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. it requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans. enter lady with four kids: a newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). she really really should have brought an ipad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. the mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever). her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. she was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. ffs at one point when i wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. my newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and i did not feel like entertaining some strange kid. i tried being polite about it "sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "ma'am!" -points to kid- the lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. rinse and repeat. i told her she needed to stay with her mom. little punk deadass says "i don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff. finally, i'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? why is your baby crying! make him stop! i don't like that" and her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. so now i'm out formula, kid still screaming, and i have a huge mess that i don't have a great way to clean up. i'm at my wits end. i raise my voice at this kid. "look what you did. i am not your mom, i am not your babysitter. you are bothering me. get out of my face!!" people looked at me like i was the biggest bitch on earth. a lady speaking spanish actually did call me a bitch. the little girl starts crying. i'm not apologizing. the mom confronts me, i tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill i'm prepared to die on. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. some kids just don't get the point until you raise your voice because their parents have never enforced boundaries. </s>
AITA FOR NOT GIVING MY COUSIN MY GRANDMOTHER’s HOUSE AFTER SHE PASSED	i’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. in her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. she asked various family members for help but none did. i was in college at the time and i had a huge student refund. she asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. she said thank you and we never talked about it again. i didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. that was about 8 years ago. fast forward to today and i’m now the owner of a house in the heart of atlanta. prime real estate if i do say so myself. i plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. enter my cousin and her kids. she is upset with me because i got the house. she said because i don’t have any kids i should give her the house because i’m her eyes i got the house for free. i thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. they told me i can buy a house one day because i am a able bodied young man. it will be harder for her because she has two kids. i’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe i am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. i’m i the asshole	23,858	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ql2f9c/aita_for_not_giving_my_cousin_my_grandmothers/	2021-11-02 11:47:11	nta, where was she when granny was about to be homeless??	nta. it’s your house, i hate the narrative that people who don’t have kids should roll over to give people with kids anything and everything they want	nta. your gran left you the house. it’s yours. your cousin has absolutely no right to it. why should having kids make her more eligible for it than you? don’t even bother to engage in any further conversations with anyone about this.	nta. depending on where in atlanta, property taxes can be an [expletive redacted] and struggle. if your cousin wasn't able to help your grandmother out in her time of need, what makes her think she'll be able to afford property taxes, utilities, &tc., now? enjoy your new home, op!	nta. if they want your cousin to live in a house so bad they can let her and her kids move in with them. your grandmother left the house to you. if your family keeps harassing you just tell them that you’re respecting your grandmother’s last wishes and leave it at that. i’d recommend that you change the locks on the house asap just in case any of them have a spare key to it.	nta. so, outside perspective... did your grandmother really need to back taxes money? or, is it possible she reached out to family to see who among them would be willing to help without question? you were the only one who did so without hesitation or demands. you got the house. seems granny was testing the waters while deciding what to do with her personal affairs	nta her having kids does not entitle he to the house left to you. if your nana had wanted her to have it, she would have given it to her. i am so sorry for your loss. don't let anyone guilt you out of your inheritance.	nope, nta grammy already knew exactly what was up! where were your cousin & the rest of the family that is now on her side when grammy was about to lose her house & you were the only one to step up then?! are they all disabled single moms who cannot help?! if that family wants your cousin to get the help she needs, they should totally, 100% offer her their house for use for her and her kids. ____ family: “you should give your cousin your house...” you: “hmmm... let’s see what grammy has to say about that” pulls will out of pocket...	nta. you need to respect your grandmother's wishes. she wanted you to have the house. tell your cousin she can take it up with granny as to why she didnt get the house. it will be just as hard for you to buy a house, real estate is expensive. you have the upper hand. just weather the storm of insults and criticism from disgraceful family and cut out those who are too much to bear. sorry to hear about your grandmother. nta	nta. what if you end up having kids one day?? keep the house, tell them to fuck off. if they originally wanted the house then they should have spent more time with grandma and asked her for it	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. in her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. she asked various family members for help but none did. i was in college at the time and i had a huge student refund. she asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. she said thank you and we never talked about it again. i didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. that was about 8 years ago. fast forward to today and i’m now the owner of a house in the heart of atlanta. prime real estate if i do say so myself. i plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. enter my cousin and her kids. she is upset with me because i got the house. she said because i don’t have any kids i should give her the house because i’m her eyes i got the house for free. i thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. they told me i can buy a house one day because i am a able bodied young man. it will be harder for her because she has two kids. i’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe i am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. i’m i the asshole	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. in her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. she asked various family members for help but none did. i was in college at the time and i had a huge student refund. she asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. she said thank you and we never talked about it again. i didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. that was about 8 years ago. fast forward to today and i’m now the owner of a house in the heart of atlanta. prime real estate if i do say so myself. i plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. enter my cousin and her kids. she is upset with me because i got the house. she said because i don’t have any kids i should give her the house because i’m her eyes i got the house for free. i thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. they told me i can buy a house one day because i am a able bodied young man. it will be harder for her because she has two kids. i’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe i am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. i’m i the asshole [/INST] nta, where was she when granny was about to be homeless?? </s>
AITA for insisting that my boyfriend pay me for breaking my $3,500 model ship?	my f/33 dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, i had it on display in my living room. but for some reason i never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend m/37 of 6 months. maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often. the other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. they got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. i told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up. i then started hearing loud noise, i walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. i rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend. i started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. i was so angry i told him to hand it over but he said i needed to kiss him first. i yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke. i lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. he left then called in the morning asking if i was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and i said i was dead serious. he started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, i never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then i hung up upon telling him i'm expecting the 3,500 and that i wasn't afraid to take the legal route if i have to. he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but i insisted that he pay me. i get that i might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. aita?	23,849	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/snl03t/aita_for_insisting_that_my_boyfriend_pay_me_for/	2022-02-08 14:03:16	nta but he is 37? and treats you (mocking you that night) and your possesions like that? you deserve better.	nta ship ahoy!!! what shall we do with a drunken boyfriend / what shall we do with a bully boyfriend / what shall we do with a loser boyfriend / when he breaks an heirloom? dump him.	nope nta i dont take new partners or guests on a tour of my home and indicate everything's value so they know what's financially or emotionally viable for them to break. these people were in your house, disrespecting your things and broke something important to you. he absolutely should be paying for it to be replaced or repaired.	nta. you didn't treat your bf badly! he destroyed your property, disregarding you when you ask him to stop. this is a huge lack of respect on his part. if he can't respect you more than that, he deserve to be single and have 3500$ less in his pockets. edit : also, the lame "i was drunk" excuse is a big, big, big red flag. alcohol is never a good excuse. he is just refusing to take accountability for his actions. edit again : whaaaat i just saw this man is 37 yo. i was certain he was a teenager or very young adult. please tell me you don't plan on staying in a relationship with this boy...	nta. full stop. i don't even need to see a picture of that type of model to know it's expensive as hell. i've got $50 warhammer figures i've spent hours building and painting i'd be fucking furious to see being tossed around like a hacky sack, let alone a presumably large, intricately detailed model ship. there is no excuse for that behavior even if the ship was a cheap hunk of plastic you picked up at the dollar store. you said no. he and his friends didn't respect that. end of discussion. he owes you $3500 and a big ass apology.	nta, at all. even if it didn't have sentimental value and was just a $3,500 ship model you bought at a store he would owe you the money to replace the item he broke in your home with his friends when you told him to stop. don't bend on this.	nta a wise store sign once said: you break it, you buy it.	>he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. get your money, then get out of the relationship. this guy is not a keeper. his behavior demonstrates a lack of respect. being drunk doesn't excuse it. a mature and respectful person doesn't play "keep away" with an item that is obviously on display in someone's home. by definition, an item that is on display in someone's home is valuable for some reason - financial, sentimental - it's why the item is on display. it's common sense. even if you want to ignore the lack of respect, blame shifting, and use of guilt to manipulate you, why would you want to date someone who lacks basic common sense. nta	> i get that i might’ve got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly nta - i’m not sure where you treated your boyfriend badly? you treated a 37 year old man like 37 year old man, asking him to be accountable for his actions. he is an ah for not vounteering to make this right without your prompting, and he absolutely should have legal encouragement if he continues to shirk his responsibility here.	nta keep copies of your texts with him admitting guilt.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my f/33 dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, i had it on display in my living room. but for some reason i never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend m/37 of 6 months. maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often. the other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. they got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. i told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up. i then started hearing loud noise, i walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. i rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend. i started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. i was so angry i told him to hand it over but he said i needed to kiss him first. i yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke. i lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. he left then called in the morning asking if i was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and i said i was dead serious. he started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, i never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then i hung up upon telling him i'm expecting the 3,500 and that i wasn't afraid to take the legal route if i have to. he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but i insisted that he pay me. i get that i might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my f/33 dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, i had it on display in my living room. but for some reason i never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend m/37 of 6 months. maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often. the other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. they got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. i told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up. i then started hearing loud noise, i walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. i rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend. i started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. i was so angry i told him to hand it over but he said i needed to kiss him first. i yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke. i lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. he left then called in the morning asking if i was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and i said i was dead serious. he started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, i never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then i hung up upon telling him i'm expecting the 3,500 and that i wasn't afraid to take the legal route if i have to. he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but i insisted that he pay me. i get that i might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. aita? [/INST] nta but he is 37? and treats you (mocking you that night) and your possesions like that? you deserve better. </s>
AITA for getting mad at my mum for making my girlfriend sleep on the floor?	throwaway. my girlfriend, “rose,” and i have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. my mum seemed to really like rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her. she has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. she makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. i’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour. rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. it was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. fortunately, my brother, “chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. i was out of the country, so i’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her. chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but i hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night. it was too late for chris to drive rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. an arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me) rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. however, they mostly avoid each other. chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and rose. my mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch. she apparently assumed wrong. my mum gives rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” she tells rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth. rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. according to rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch. at 5am, chris found rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. he ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.” i did the exact opposite. i called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. she tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but i refused to hear any of it. chris agrees with me, but told me that i shouldn’t make it a fight. i feel like i’m losing my mind. aita?	23,845	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubkw4s/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_mum_for_making_my/	2022-04-25 13:14:23	nta but i would put boundaries on the mother seeing the baby. she shouldn’t see the kid unless she can respect the mother.	pregnant or not- who makes a guest sleep on floor to "not ruin the couch"? nta	nta, and thank you for standing by your partner! and your mom is a total ah here...who makes a pregnant woman sleep on the floor when there's other options?? your mom definitely has some sort of grudge that she needs to get over, and quickly.	nta. who makes a pregnant woman sleep on the floor? for that matter, who makes a guest sleep on the floor!? if the couch gets dirty, just flip the cushions and move on with your life. thank your brother for being the adult in the room, and tell your mom that she's jeapordizing her relationship with you by treating your girlfriend so poorly.	>“it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” i honestly have no idea if this is medically accurate or not because it has genuinely never occurred to me that someone would even consider doing it nta	nta setting aside the discussion about pregnant women sleeping on the floor and whether the mother should have offered a bed your mother was checking on her to make sure she didn't dare "ruin the couch"?! stand up against that now because that treatment is not acceptable whether she's pregnant or not	nta. listen closely. your mom is feeling threatened because there is another woman about to become a mom in the family. this feels like her role is being taken away and will lead to worse behavior. you have to have a zero tolerance policy for this. sit your mom down and tell her that she will always be your mom. also tell her that if she continues to treat your girlfriend this way, it will damage her relationship with you, so she needs to knock it off. good luck, o.p. and be firm in your boundaries.	nta you have to be a massive, massive ah to make a pregnant woman sleep on the floor. wooooow.	can anyone explain to me why this happens so frequently? like, why do moms of sons act all territorial and behave as if they want to have their son's baby? it's so fucking creepy but it's so fucking common... moms of sons, any thoughts?	nta. sleeping on the floor didn’t harm the baby, but it sure as shit probably harmed rose. your mom sounds…mean…	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway. my girlfriend, “rose,” and i have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. my mum seemed to really like rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her. she has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. she makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. i’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour. rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. it was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. fortunately, my brother, “chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. i was out of the country, so i’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her. chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but i hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night. it was too late for chris to drive rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. an arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me) rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. however, they mostly avoid each other. chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and rose. my mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch. she apparently assumed wrong. my mum gives rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” she tells rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth. rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. according to rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch. at 5am, chris found rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. he ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.” i did the exact opposite. i called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. she tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but i refused to hear any of it. chris agrees with me, but told me that i shouldn’t make it a fight. i feel like i’m losing my mind. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway. my girlfriend, “rose,” and i have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. my mum seemed to really like rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her. she has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. she makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. i’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour. rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. it was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. fortunately, my brother, “chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. i was out of the country, so i’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her. chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but i hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night. it was too late for chris to drive rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. an arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me) rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. however, they mostly avoid each other. chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and rose. my mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch. she apparently assumed wrong. my mum gives rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” she tells rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth. rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. according to rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch. at 5am, chris found rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. he ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.” i did the exact opposite. i called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. she tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but i refused to hear any of it. chris agrees with me, but told me that i shouldn’t make it a fight. i feel like i’m losing my mind. aita? [/INST] nta but i would put boundaries on the mother seeing the baby. she shouldn’t see the kid unless she can respect the mother. </s>
AITA for sitting on my husband's lap during Thanksgiving dinner because all chairs at the table were taken?	i (f, 28) have been with my husband "shaun" (m, 33) for 2 years, married for 5 months. most of his family are decent people but his mom can be a little of a passive-aggressive and tends to criticize me a lot. shaun sees it as "her still not getting used to me being around" but idk because she treats his ex "julissa" good. mil says that julissa has been around the family for age and her past with shaun never affected her relationship with her. fine, i never minded her attending every holiday and being around til yesterday. we had thanksgiving dinner at my mil's house. shaun went there before me and when i arrived it was already dinner time. everyone was seated and i saw that all chairs were taken. i asked mil why she didn't save me a seat and she said "sorry" and that one of her granddaughters decided to show up last minute and the chair was taken. i looked at her then at julissa who was sitting next to shaun and tried to point out how i was more deserving of her chair since i'm the dil (i know shouldn't have said it i know..i know) mil flatout said that julissa is as much family as me, and that it was rude to imply otherwise. julissa was nodding confidently while glancing at me. i was so upset i wanted to leave but decided to just sit on my husband's lap and act as casual as possible. i sat on his lap asking if he was okay with it (don't worry i'm petite, he's strong built) and started eating so casually while smiling and complimenting the food and mentioning to shaun how warm and comfortable his lap was now and then. the table went awkwardly silence. bil would try to break the silence and change the subject but it somehow goes back to being awkward. mil and julissa were barely eating and were staring at each other than at me eyes wide open. minutes later, julissa excused herself to the bathroom and so did mil. it was still awkward but i did my best to focus on dinner. shaun was eating as well. later, there was just so much tension and mil was barely able to speak after julissa left (early, like right after dinner). shaun and i went home and mil tried calling but then called shaun and texted me saying what i did was inappropriate and that i ruined thanksgiving dinner and made it awkward. she said it wasn't her fault chairs were taken and i could've dragged a chair from the kitchen but acted childishly and made julissa (and family) uncomfortable with how inappropriate i was.	23,831	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z55m2b/aita_for_sitting_on_my_husbands_lap_during/	2022-11-26 11:43:15	nta, but the whole ordeal could have been avoided had your husband done what he should have done, and gave you his seat while he went to fetch another one. in fact, he should have already had an empty seat beside him waiting for you. i can’t imagine putting my wife in such an awkward situation.	info: why did your husband not notice there was no chair for you until you showed up? did he just forget you existed?? surely you just go and get another chair. this whole situation is ridiculous.	nta. 1. i am not petite and i would have still done the same thing. my husband is a full blown gorilla/walrus hybrid so it doesn’t matter but even if he was smaller than me, i still would have done it. 2. i am never going to be accused of being a wilting flower and no one would dare try this on me- bc this is exactly how i would react. right or wrong, i don’t care. sometimes our statement needs to be loud and clear. 3. i would have played like i was fine there but, believe you me, this convo would have carried on in private with my husband. he would hear from me loud and clear. 4. bc i am truly not a wilting flower, i would be absolutely fine with reading between the lines with my husbands actions/lack of actions and acting however i felt was appropriate. take that how you feel is appropriate, op. 5. most importantly- pay attention, op- i would never have to do any of this bc my husband would never put me in the position to have to do any of this. you have a husband problem, op.	nta. but husband massively failed here. why isn't he managing his mom and shutting down her match making with his ex? ultimately thus needs to go through him and seemed very passive in all this.	[removed]	nta. mil suggests after the fact that op could have dragged a chair from the kitchen? it was mil's job, as host, to do that herself; failure to do so was an obvious attempt to make op ill at ease. op responded delightfully. it was mil's fault that it turned out the way it did.	hahahaha. she got outplayed. tell her that if she wants to play games she has to deal with the consequences. plus its up to her the host to have a seat for her daughter in law. nta.	your husband should have got up immediately and either fetch the chair for his wife or given you his whiile walked around making it all as awkward as possible. or he could have taken one of the empty chairs when the women went to the bathroom. musical chairs could be the new family tradition.	nta, you were just playing her game. your husband seriously needs to start putting his foot down and standing up for you though, he should have told julissa to move and he was saving the seat for you.	nta. i feel like i missed something. does he have children with his ex who she bought to thanksgiving dinner? minus that i have no clue what she was there for.	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f, 28) have been with my husband "shaun" (m, 33) for 2 years, married for 5 months. most of his family are decent people but his mom can be a little of a passive-aggressive and tends to criticize me a lot. shaun sees it as "her still not getting used to me being around" but idk because she treats his ex "julissa" good. mil says that julissa has been around the family for age and her past with shaun never affected her relationship with her. fine, i never minded her attending every holiday and being around til yesterday. we had thanksgiving dinner at my mil's house. shaun went there before me and when i arrived it was already dinner time. everyone was seated and i saw that all chairs were taken. i asked mil why she didn't save me a seat and she said "sorry" and that one of her granddaughters decided to show up last minute and the chair was taken. i looked at her then at julissa who was sitting next to shaun and tried to point out how i was more deserving of her chair since i'm the dil (i know shouldn't have said it i know..i know) mil flatout said that julissa is as much family as me, and that it was rude to imply otherwise. julissa was nodding confidently while glancing at me. i was so upset i wanted to leave but decided to just sit on my husband's lap and act as casual as possible. i sat on his lap asking if he was okay with it (don't worry i'm petite, he's strong built) and started eating so casually while smiling and complimenting the food and mentioning to shaun how warm and comfortable his lap was now and then. the table went awkwardly silence. bil would try to break the silence and change the subject but it somehow goes back to being awkward. mil and julissa were barely eating and were staring at each other than at me eyes wide open. minutes later, julissa excused herself to the bathroom and so did mil. it was still awkward but i did my best to focus on dinner. shaun was eating as well. later, there was just so much tension and mil was barely able to speak after julissa left (early, like right after dinner). shaun and i went home and mil tried calling but then called shaun and texted me saying what i did was inappropriate and that i ruined thanksgiving dinner and made it awkward. she said it wasn't her fault chairs were taken and i could've dragged a chair from the kitchen but acted childishly and made julissa (and family) uncomfortable with how inappropriate i was.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (f, 28) have been with my husband "shaun" (m, 33) for 2 years, married for 5 months. most of his family are decent people but his mom can be a little of a passive-aggressive and tends to criticize me a lot. shaun sees it as "her still not getting used to me being around" but idk because she treats his ex "julissa" good. mil says that julissa has been around the family for age and her past with shaun never affected her relationship with her. fine, i never minded her attending every holiday and being around til yesterday. we had thanksgiving dinner at my mil's house. shaun went there before me and when i arrived it was already dinner time. everyone was seated and i saw that all chairs were taken. i asked mil why she didn't save me a seat and she said "sorry" and that one of her granddaughters decided to show up last minute and the chair was taken. i looked at her then at julissa who was sitting next to shaun and tried to point out how i was more deserving of her chair since i'm the dil (i know shouldn't have said it i know..i know) mil flatout said that julissa is as much family as me, and that it was rude to imply otherwise. julissa was nodding confidently while glancing at me. i was so upset i wanted to leave but decided to just sit on my husband's lap and act as casual as possible. i sat on his lap asking if he was okay with it (don't worry i'm petite, he's strong built) and started eating so casually while smiling and complimenting the food and mentioning to shaun how warm and comfortable his lap was now and then. the table went awkwardly silence. bil would try to break the silence and change the subject but it somehow goes back to being awkward. mil and julissa were barely eating and were staring at each other than at me eyes wide open. minutes later, julissa excused herself to the bathroom and so did mil. it was still awkward but i did my best to focus on dinner. shaun was eating as well. later, there was just so much tension and mil was barely able to speak after julissa left (early, like right after dinner). shaun and i went home and mil tried calling but then called shaun and texted me saying what i did was inappropriate and that i ruined thanksgiving dinner and made it awkward. she said it wasn't her fault chairs were taken and i could've dragged a chair from the kitchen but acted childishly and made julissa (and family) uncomfortable with how inappropriate i was. [/INST] nta, but the whole ordeal could have been avoided had your husband done what he should have done, and gave you his seat while he went to fetch another one. in fact, he should have already had an empty seat beside him waiting for you. i can’t imagine putting my wife in such an awkward situation. </s>
WIBTA if I refused to help with my partner's daughter's grad party after I've been banned from attending?	my long-time partner has been divorced for years. the divorce was acrimonious and he and his ex-wife do not get along. we've been asked to host their daughter's graduation party at our home because my partner's ex dropped the ball and failed to secure the venue. i spent a week planning the party, making arrangements, and ordering materials to make her vision a reality. a week later, she informed us that my presence would anger her mother, and under no circumstances could i attend the party being held at my home (in our shop). i am expected, however; to devote my time and creative talents to making her graduation party beautiful. wibta if i refused to plan, organize and decorate for this party?	23,811	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ucygvo/wibta_if_i_refused_to_help_with_my_partners/	2022-04-27 08:06:16	nta - the daughter has the audacity to use your venue and give you an ultimatum that you can't attend it despite all your planning? plus, does your partner know about this? is he not going to stand up for you? man if i were you i'd pull the rug from the venue and tell them "if my presence will anger your mother, i'm guessing my house which contains many of my belongings will probably irritate her as well, go find another place."	nta i would stop all planning and remove any financial assistance you were making too. let both your partner and his daughter know that everything is on them, and that you will remove yourself as requested. cancel anything that had been booked, leave it to them and take yourself out on that night. book yourself a nice hotel room, have a great dinner and turn off your phone. have a night to yourself.	nta. honestly i’m petty as fuck. if my partner wanted to agree to banish me from my own fucking house, you best believe i’m not coming back. and fuck doing the decor. fuck it. the fucking audacity! your partner’s ex has poisoned the kids’ minds and your partner is failing you as a partner by doing nothing but facilitating ex’s diabolical whims.	nta. your "partner" didn't really get a divorce. his behaviour is disgusting. completely spineless. under no circumstances would i host a party or invest anything in it at all. and i would take a long close look at your so called "partner".	your house and you can't attend? i'm sorry but you need to tell them to fuck off and find a new venue. sure the mum didn't just deliberately not book a venue so they could avoid the expense and use your house? nta	tell her that her mother's presence in your home will anger you but you are willing to put up with it for her sake but if her mother can't cope not then she is welcome to organise and host the party herself. but explain that you will not be disrespected by being told to leave your home after spending so long setting up something for her benefit. nta. the fucking audacity to watch you work for a week before telling you is mind blowing. she thought you wouldn't want to have wasted that time so would leave. she thought wrong.	nta who asks someone to plan and host a party they can’t attend? do they plan to cover all displayed photos of you in your home as well? i also assume you’re not being paid for any of this. how is your partner ok with you being treated this way?	nta. they want the party to be in your house but you're banned from it? sounds like they need to find a new venue.	nta, it’s at your house. what are you meant to do go above and beyond when her mother didn’t bother and then leave the comfort of your own home or sit in your room for hours? nope not today satan.	nta - who in their right mind would tell you, you're not welcome in your own home?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my long-time partner has been divorced for years. the divorce was acrimonious and he and his ex-wife do not get along. we've been asked to host their daughter's graduation party at our home because my partner's ex dropped the ball and failed to secure the venue. i spent a week planning the party, making arrangements, and ordering materials to make her vision a reality. a week later, she informed us that my presence would anger her mother, and under no circumstances could i attend the party being held at my home (in our shop). i am expected, however; to devote my time and creative talents to making her graduation party beautiful. wibta if i refused to plan, organize and decorate for this party?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my long-time partner has been divorced for years. the divorce was acrimonious and he and his ex-wife do not get along. we've been asked to host their daughter's graduation party at our home because my partner's ex dropped the ball and failed to secure the venue. i spent a week planning the party, making arrangements, and ordering materials to make her vision a reality. a week later, she informed us that my presence would anger her mother, and under no circumstances could i attend the party being held at my home (in our shop). i am expected, however; to devote my time and creative talents to making her graduation party beautiful. wibta if i refused to plan, organize and decorate for this party? [/INST] nta - the daughter has the audacity to use your venue and give you an ultimatum that you can't attend it despite all your planning? plus, does your partner know about this? is he not going to stand up for you? man if i were you i'd pull the rug from the venue and tell them "if my presence will anger your mother, i'm guessing my house which contains many of my belongings will probably irritate her as well, go find another place." </s>
AITA for burning bridges with my in-laws at my husband's funeral?	i married "jake" when we both were 19 - i know in hindsight that that was dumb, but it was common in the area. we're from an area with little in the way of opportunities, and while i did well enough to get scholarships and attend college, jake decided to join the military. we talked extensively about this, and he was vocal in his intention to only join for one term to get the gi bill and then get out and go to college. when i married him, jake was a sweet, funny guy who enjoyed cooking and the only things he'd willingly hurt were deer. but after he joined, jake changed. he got a lot angrier, in general. i'd never known him to have a temper, but he went from never raising his voice to yelling at his family and me when he didn't get his way, to less pleasant behavior when he was drunk. and oh how he drank. i have nothing against a beer with friends now and then, but after joining the military jake was drinking constantly. his sense of humor got a lot cruder, too, "dirty little sheet heads!" became his favorite punchline. the final straw was when we discussed his plans to get out and go to college since he was looking at whether to stay in or get out. he wanted to stay in. i reminded him he'd promised to get out. he'd been drinking, and things got ugly. the wives' club at the base was no help, so i started quietly looking into how to divorce jake. then, earlier this year, he died in a car accident. my only feeling was, honestly, relief. i went to his funeral and didn't say anything at the service, but at dinner jake's little sister approached me and said she'd started dating a soldier and wanted to know if i had any advice. my advice? "don't. the military ruined jake and turned the man i loved into a drunk, abusive asshole." jake's family predictably erupted in a firestorm, but more alarmingly to me, my own parents have taken their side. aita?	23,791	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fegt59/aita_for_burning_bridges_with_my_inlaws_at_my/	2020-03-06 17:26:07	nta. you were abused, and they don't want to acknowledge that their son abused you. but that's not okay; their son did abuse you, and they should not try to erase your experiences, even for their positive memory of their son. i am so sorry that this happened to you.	nta. she asked for advice, she got it. and you know what? yeah it's too broad, but you were abused and freshly out. so no, not everyone who joins the military will end up like he did, but you gave your honest sisterly advice. (and yes, it might have traumatized her, but in the end if she sees the truth she may ask you to talk with her about how things changed. she may ask for the better memories of her brother. ) sorry, i'm not too sure this is coherent but hopefully it makes sense.	nah, but given the context, you're reaaaal close to yta, despite tir circumstances. everyone processes grief (or lack thereof) differently. they of course still loved him, so to them, you just insulted their recently deceased brother/son/cousin right after his funeral. they didn't have the same experience as you and fall out of love with him, so for them, the comment was cruel. it doesn't take into context your experience.	yta. typically it is bad to say negative things about others at their funeral, especially in front of their grieving family. you should have made the conversation more private, and you shouldn't have elaborated unless prompted. i agree entirely with your sentiment. your intentions were good, but wrong place and wrong time.	[removed]	esh. your sil asked a dumb-ass question. as far as she knew, you just lost your husband, and so that's maybe not a good time to bring up her budding love life. said husbands funeral is neither the time nor the place for you to say that. not to mention that all military people are not the same. they're as diverse as civilians. 6 member of my family all served, and not one of them ever behaved like your husband did (though 4 of them are middle-eastern, so they don't say things like "dirty little sheet head" for a different reason).	nta. you were abused, she asked for advice and you gave it. funeral or not, honesty is always the best choice. his parents are hurting of course, but that doesn't mean they should be lied to or have the truth hidden from them. lies and omission absolutely suck. the assholes for me are your husband and your parents for not sympathizing with you after he literally abused you.	nta. ex-navy wife here. it's a brutal life in a lot of ways and civilians cannot, and never will, understand. you were also probably away from the family for your postings, so they only remember the man you married, not the man he became. you have your remembrance, they have theirs. i would not apologize, but might say, "things changed while we were in and if i could go back, i would have encouraged jake to not enlist, but whatever you (jake's little sister) choose to do, i will always be here for you." as for the fam, yours and his, they can pound sand. you are the a widow of a military man. you have grown beyond having to appease your family.	dude nta i'm a female veteran, i've seen husband's do their civillian wives so dirty and the women too. could you have said it better? probably. but that was probably the worst time to ask that question. you went through it not your family and not his family. you should probably seek some help and talk this out with a professional though.	soft yta - i'm not denying your pain or your issues with jake. but that was cruel and insensitive to do at that time. i can also appreciate that you were under a lot of emotional turmoil yourself.	NTA	NTA	NAH	YTA	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	0.377705	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i married "jake" when we both were 19 - i know in hindsight that that was dumb, but it was common in the area. we're from an area with little in the way of opportunities, and while i did well enough to get scholarships and attend college, jake decided to join the military. we talked extensively about this, and he was vocal in his intention to only join for one term to get the gi bill and then get out and go to college. when i married him, jake was a sweet, funny guy who enjoyed cooking and the only things he'd willingly hurt were deer. but after he joined, jake changed. he got a lot angrier, in general. i'd never known him to have a temper, but he went from never raising his voice to yelling at his family and me when he didn't get his way, to less pleasant behavior when he was drunk. and oh how he drank. i have nothing against a beer with friends now and then, but after joining the military jake was drinking constantly. his sense of humor got a lot cruder, too, "dirty little sheet heads!" became his favorite punchline. the final straw was when we discussed his plans to get out and go to college since he was looking at whether to stay in or get out. he wanted to stay in. i reminded him he'd promised to get out. he'd been drinking, and things got ugly. the wives' club at the base was no help, so i started quietly looking into how to divorce jake. then, earlier this year, he died in a car accident. my only feeling was, honestly, relief. i went to his funeral and didn't say anything at the service, but at dinner jake's little sister approached me and said she'd started dating a soldier and wanted to know if i had any advice. my advice? "don't. the military ruined jake and turned the man i loved into a drunk, abusive asshole." jake's family predictably erupted in a firestorm, but more alarmingly to me, my own parents have taken their side. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i married "jake" when we both were 19 - i know in hindsight that that was dumb, but it was common in the area. we're from an area with little in the way of opportunities, and while i did well enough to get scholarships and attend college, jake decided to join the military. we talked extensively about this, and he was vocal in his intention to only join for one term to get the gi bill and then get out and go to college. when i married him, jake was a sweet, funny guy who enjoyed cooking and the only things he'd willingly hurt were deer. but after he joined, jake changed. he got a lot angrier, in general. i'd never known him to have a temper, but he went from never raising his voice to yelling at his family and me when he didn't get his way, to less pleasant behavior when he was drunk. and oh how he drank. i have nothing against a beer with friends now and then, but after joining the military jake was drinking constantly. his sense of humor got a lot cruder, too, "dirty little sheet heads!" became his favorite punchline. the final straw was when we discussed his plans to get out and go to college since he was looking at whether to stay in or get out. he wanted to stay in. i reminded him he'd promised to get out. he'd been drinking, and things got ugly. the wives' club at the base was no help, so i started quietly looking into how to divorce jake. then, earlier this year, he died in a car accident. my only feeling was, honestly, relief. i went to his funeral and didn't say anything at the service, but at dinner jake's little sister approached me and said she'd started dating a soldier and wanted to know if i had any advice. my advice? "don't. the military ruined jake and turned the man i loved into a drunk, abusive asshole." jake's family predictably erupted in a firestorm, but more alarmingly to me, my own parents have taken their side. aita? [/INST] nta. you were abused, and they don't want to acknowledge that their son abused you. but that's not okay; their son did abuse you, and they should not try to erase your experiences, even for their positive memory of their son. i am so sorry that this happened to you. </s>
AITA: For not wanting to hide my period from my step-brothers like my step-mum wants me too?	i (f20) recently had to move back in with my dad, step-mum and 2 of my step-brothers (15 and 17). the last time i lived here was 2-3 years ago. back then i remember getting very pissed off when my step-mum asked me to stop using the bin in the toilet to put my waste sanitary products and use the one in my room (on the other side of the house) because she didn’t want her boys to see it. now it’s not like i was leaving used tampons and pads out in the open, everything was and still is, wrapped up so no blood is on show. anyway i never stopped using the toilet bin. now i’m back she’s started a new thing. moving my small zip up bag full of my sanity products, that i keep next to the toilet, and slightly open (for easy access), when i’m on my period, to under the sink zipped up. i personally think i absolutely should not be hiding the fact i have a vagina and it bleeds. her boys will grow up thinking it’s gross and something that needs to be hidden. i would just feel sorry for the girls they end up with. and i just want to be comfortable in the house i’m living in.	23,742	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clga5g/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hide_my_period_from_my/	2019-08-03 07:54:14	nta - it’s not like her boys are 8 years old (which shouldn’t really make a difference anyway) but they should 100% know what periods are at this point? this is a very odd request and your step mom is absolutely the asshole in this situation.	nta. she’s policing your wrapped up trash and hiding your stuff?? the boys are teenagers that have presumably taken sex ed and are aware of periods as a concept at bare minimum.	nta. wtf periods happen and those kids surely know about it by now?	nta. you’d think your step mom would be a bit more understanding since she also has a vagina that bleeds/once bled in her prime. she’s being, for lack of better terms, a bitchy snowflake. boys aren’t immediately repulsed by all things female, unless they’re raised that way. your step brothers are at the age where they should know that women have a monthly cycle, which causes them to bleed. if they don’t know by now, then jesus, you might as well have the talk with them yourself.	nta i would - whenever she moves your sanitary products again - go around the house asking loudly for everyone to hear that 'someone moved my tampons and i need them now, or i'll bleed all over the place'. see what your stepmom likes more...	nta. having been a 15-17 year old boy at one point in my life, i can assure you that they do far more indelicate things in the bathroom than have periods on a daily basis. they can handle it.	nta i am 2 years older than my sister who has special needs. she will never live on her own. naturally, when she hit puberty she would get her period. here i am, a 13-15 year old boy changing pads for my sister. there was no chance to hide it of course the dumb teenager thought it was gross at the time, but that was dwarfed by my desire to help my sister. i’ve grown up to be completely un-squeamish to periods now. needs pads or tampons? got it - need light, heavy? think you need to stop talking about it because i was in the room? nope. hell, i might even join in. understand why your emotions are bouncing around? i get it. my sister didn’t have the cognitive ability to understand what was happening, but man would her emotions swing during the time of the month. really hit home how women’s bodies seem out to get them :) by hiding this from her sons, she’s only harming them and their future partners. there should be a flow of information. (i’ll see myself out)	nta. is this an american thing? i don't know any european family being ashamed (?) with menstruation.	nta 1) she is doing her sons a disservice and 2) you should not have to act like your period is a dirty secret.	info: does she keep everything put away in the bathroom or are there things like extra toilet paper or tissues by the toilet. my mom's not squeamish about periods, but she'd be putting away the zip up bag away every time and be annoyed as hell that it was being left out. she just hates clutter. nta if it's accepted to leave things sitting out in the bathroom like razors, toothpaste, toiletries, etc. yta if all that is expected to be put away and you're leaving a bag of stuff out.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f20) recently had to move back in with my dad, step-mum and 2 of my step-brothers (15 and 17). the last time i lived here was 2-3 years ago. back then i remember getting very pissed off when my step-mum asked me to stop using the bin in the toilet to put my waste sanitary products and use the one in my room (on the other side of the house) because she didn’t want her boys to see it. now it’s not like i was leaving used tampons and pads out in the open, everything was and still is, wrapped up so no blood is on show. anyway i never stopped using the toilet bin. now i’m back she’s started a new thing. moving my small zip up bag full of my sanity products, that i keep next to the toilet, and slightly open (for easy access), when i’m on my period, to under the sink zipped up. i personally think i absolutely should not be hiding the fact i have a vagina and it bleeds. her boys will grow up thinking it’s gross and something that needs to be hidden. i would just feel sorry for the girls they end up with. and i just want to be comfortable in the house i’m living in.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (f20) recently had to move back in with my dad, step-mum and 2 of my step-brothers (15 and 17). the last time i lived here was 2-3 years ago. back then i remember getting very pissed off when my step-mum asked me to stop using the bin in the toilet to put my waste sanitary products and use the one in my room (on the other side of the house) because she didn’t want her boys to see it. now it’s not like i was leaving used tampons and pads out in the open, everything was and still is, wrapped up so no blood is on show. anyway i never stopped using the toilet bin. now i’m back she’s started a new thing. moving my small zip up bag full of my sanity products, that i keep next to the toilet, and slightly open (for easy access), when i’m on my period, to under the sink zipped up. i personally think i absolutely should not be hiding the fact i have a vagina and it bleeds. her boys will grow up thinking it’s gross and something that needs to be hidden. i would just feel sorry for the girls they end up with. and i just want to be comfortable in the house i’m living in. [/INST] nta - it’s not like her boys are 8 years old (which shouldn’t really make a difference anyway) but they should 100% know what periods are at this point? this is a very odd request and your step mom is absolutely the asshole in this situation. </s>
AITA for not helping my son and his wife with my grandson?	necessary information: when my oldest son was 16 he got his girlfriend pregnant. after a lot of trouble they made all kinds of promisses and decided they would care for the baby, this led to the girl getting kicked out by her parents and she came to live with us. except that when the baby was born, the girl broke up with my son and went back to her parent's house leaving the baby with us. that was when my husband and i stepped up to help him raise our granddaughter while our son finished his studies and got a job to provide for her. when she was 1 year old he put her on daycare because my husband and i still worked and there was only so much we could do at that point. once he finished college he rented a place to live with her, the help we provided after that was when he needed to go somewhere and couldn't take her with him or when one of them got sick. &#x200b; now, the issue at hand is not with him, it's with his younger brother. he's 35 and married, he and his wife had my grandson last year, he's 10 months now. my daughter-in-law wants to go back to working and while she can do her work from home, she prefers to work outside. since i'm retired, my son asked me to take care of my grandson while they work. i asked him for how long he needed me to do it, to which my son replied that they didn't had a plan for it. i asked if they had considered daycare and he said that neither he or his wife were comfortable with it. i also suggested they asked his wife's parents and he said that they didn't had time for it. &#x200b; he thought of asking me because i had helped his brother all those years ago and it would "basically be the same thing". i told him that no, it was not. i was 42 then and i'm 59 now, i didn't had the health issues that i do nowadays like back pain and arthritis. also, he was a married man with a wife by his side, not a 16 year old with a baby. i would be willing to help them for a short period of time but it seems like they have no plans beyond leaving the baby with me. now he thinks i'm playing favorites and that i'm pressuring him and his wife to comply with my demands but i think i'm just being reasonable. &#x200b;	23,731	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c9gtj9/aita_for_not_helping_my_son_and_his_wife_with_my/	2019-07-05 14:51:30	nta. grandparents are not obliged to provide free daycare, and small kids are exhausting. tell your son you love him, and you love his child, and if you were 42 again you'd be happy to help out, but at 59 it's just too much.	nta. you gave your reasons. conversation should have ended there. bonus points because the wife can work from home if they absoloutley were against daycare, but choses not to. and it's poor of a grown man who is married, established in life and presumably planned to have this baby to compare himself to the situation of his then teenage brother, who was a single parent.	nta. your son is a grown man with a child, not a 16 year old boy. even your teenage son was able to provide childcare for his baby at a young age, and i would imagine at the time, a worse situation. your grown son is mad he is being told “no”.	nta. also, to your son: " shaming him and his wife on the internet " we don't know who the fuck you are man. we don't care. your brother had the help of your parents to raise your niece because he needed it. you just want it.	nta. 59 is not 42. i can understand keeping your grandbaby occasionally. every day though? kill me now. maybe offer one day a week. millions of children attend/have attended daycare. he will be just fine.	nta, your son and his wife are being rather entitled imo. what went on with your eldest was more a case of helping him help himself, so that he could gain independence and do right by his baby girl. not at all like your other sons situation. they are grown, financially and relationship-wise stable. ie they have options, security.	nta &#x200b; you, helping to raise your own child while he raises his child, is one thing. &#x200b; you, helping to raise your grandchild because daddy and mommy can't be bothered to figure it out, is another.	nta, it is definitely nowhere near the same situation and he definitely shouldn’t be upset you’re not interested in being a daycare for the foreseeable future.	nta you didn't retire to work a full-time job for free. tell them straight up that you would be willing to be their backup for days when the daycare is closed but aren't able to be a full-time nanny.	at 35 with a family of his own, your son is too old for this 'favorites' bullshit.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: necessary information: when my oldest son was 16 he got his girlfriend pregnant. after a lot of trouble they made all kinds of promisses and decided they would care for the baby, this led to the girl getting kicked out by her parents and she came to live with us. except that when the baby was born, the girl broke up with my son and went back to her parent's house leaving the baby with us. that was when my husband and i stepped up to help him raise our granddaughter while our son finished his studies and got a job to provide for her. when she was 1 year old he put her on daycare because my husband and i still worked and there was only so much we could do at that point. once he finished college he rented a place to live with her, the help we provided after that was when he needed to go somewhere and couldn't take her with him or when one of them got sick. &#x200b; now, the issue at hand is not with him, it's with his younger brother. he's 35 and married, he and his wife had my grandson last year, he's 10 months now. my daughter-in-law wants to go back to working and while she can do her work from home, she prefers to work outside. since i'm retired, my son asked me to take care of my grandson while they work. i asked him for how long he needed me to do it, to which my son replied that they didn't had a plan for it. i asked if they had considered daycare and he said that neither he or his wife were comfortable with it. i also suggested they asked his wife's parents and he said that they didn't had time for it. &#x200b; he thought of asking me because i had helped his brother all those years ago and it would "basically be the same thing". i told him that no, it was not. i was 42 then and i'm 59 now, i didn't had the health issues that i do nowadays like back pain and arthritis. also, he was a married man with a wife by his side, not a 16 year old with a baby. i would be willing to help them for a short period of time but it seems like they have no plans beyond leaving the baby with me. now he thinks i'm playing favorites and that i'm pressuring him and his wife to comply with my demands but i think i'm just being reasonable. &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> necessary information: when my oldest son was 16 he got his girlfriend pregnant. after a lot of trouble they made all kinds of promisses and decided they would care for the baby, this led to the girl getting kicked out by her parents and she came to live with us. except that when the baby was born, the girl broke up with my son and went back to her parent's house leaving the baby with us. that was when my husband and i stepped up to help him raise our granddaughter while our son finished his studies and got a job to provide for her. when she was 1 year old he put her on daycare because my husband and i still worked and there was only so much we could do at that point. once he finished college he rented a place to live with her, the help we provided after that was when he needed to go somewhere and couldn't take her with him or when one of them got sick. &#x200b; now, the issue at hand is not with him, it's with his younger brother. he's 35 and married, he and his wife had my grandson last year, he's 10 months now. my daughter-in-law wants to go back to working and while she can do her work from home, she prefers to work outside. since i'm retired, my son asked me to take care of my grandson while they work. i asked him for how long he needed me to do it, to which my son replied that they didn't had a plan for it. i asked if they had considered daycare and he said that neither he or his wife were comfortable with it. i also suggested they asked his wife's parents and he said that they didn't had time for it. &#x200b; he thought of asking me because i had helped his brother all those years ago and it would "basically be the same thing". i told him that no, it was not. i was 42 then and i'm 59 now, i didn't had the health issues that i do nowadays like back pain and arthritis. also, he was a married man with a wife by his side, not a 16 year old with a baby. i would be willing to help them for a short period of time but it seems like they have no plans beyond leaving the baby with me. now he thinks i'm playing favorites and that i'm pressuring him and his wife to comply with my demands but i think i'm just being reasonable. &#x200b; [/INST] nta. grandparents are not obliged to provide free daycare, and small kids are exhausting. tell your son you love him, and you love his child, and if you were 42 again you'd be happy to help out, but at 59 it's just too much. </s>
AITA for not wanting my disabled sister at my wedding?	the title sounds awful but please read all the way til the end. do not speed read this. my (22f) sister "anna" (21) is "special need". she has severe autism and while she is verbal most of her communication is "physical" like sign language due to her social discomfort. she does speak around family though and has pretty bad cognitive skills. she can't comprehend boundaries and lives with our parents so they can best watch her. i am getting married in 3 months. we planned a simple wedding and reception at my fiance "michael's" parents barn and farm. since it's all gonna be diy and we aren't planning anything too expensive, we can do things pretty quickly since flowers, food and decor will be provided by his family. i sent out invites last week and i asked that anna not come. i told my parents i understood that would mean they may not show up but it was just a heads up. why no anna? she has an issue with touching michael and trying to kiss him. at times when we were at my parents house anna would try and grab michael's hands, try to lean in to kiss him or would have a really bad shutdowns if she wasn't allowed to be directly next to him. we've tried speaking to her but there's only so much we can do when she doesn't really understand. i told my parents i just want one day for michael to be my partner and not anna's comfort person. they called me selfish and asked how i expected them to agree to something like this. they told me anna is disabled and may never experience a wedding of her own and while i have michael for probably the rest of our lives she'll have no one and that michael and i can be a little more understanding to the reality of her life. i feel like a total ass and what they're saying has really gotten to me and i'm starting to question my decision. aita?	23,727	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q86ktj/aita_for_not_wanting_my_disabled_sister_at_my/	2021-10-14 19:12:59	nta. i don’t care if i get downvoted. you’re right, she is incapable of leaving your fiancé alone on the only day she needs to leave him alone. best wishes to you and your future husband!!	nta your partner deserves to not be sexually harassed every day, but especially on his wedding day. it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t understand, she still can’t do it. if your family won’t prevent her from doing things, than she isn’t allowed in those situations.	nta. neither is poor anna. it’s your parents. they told on themselves, because it sounds like they expect you to share your spouse with her to make her life more “fair” somehow. it really, really sounds like they’ve been secretly encouraging and supporting this behavior. the most charitable thing i can come up with is maybe they’ve deluded themselves into thinking “anything to avoid a meltdown”. but that way lies madness.	nta. it would be unfair and unkind to michael to force him to endure that on his wedding day. make it clear to your parents that you’re not looking for “agreement” — anna is not invited, period.	nta regardless of her disabilities, this day isn’t about her. if your parents can’t understand why she isn’t invited, then they can sit it out too.	nta it's your wedding and your sister doesn't have boundaries with the 1 person they need her to have boundaries with. >they told me anna is disabled and may never experience a wedding of her own so? life isn't fair and that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice what is likely yet another thing for anna. this is your day and there's no reasonable acommodation except maybe stream the wedding for anna to watch via a screen given anna's boundary problems.	nta. your fiancé deserves to feel safe and comfortable at his own wedding, instead of being worried about being accosted by your sister. have you spoken to your parents about their long term care plans for anna? i would make sure they're not planning for her to move in with you and michael, and to make sure she gets the appropriate time to be transitioned to her new situation.	i was about to y.t.. you into the ground but soo nta. if the genders were reversed there is no way anyone would expect someone's partner to be ok with being... well.. sexually harassed. she may not know exactly what she's doing but it is sexual / physical harrassment and that's not ok. nta and your parents need to find a therapeutic way to establish knowledge of physical boundaries especially since she obviously does not carry o this way with everyone she meets. she understands on some level.	nta. as an above commentor mentioned this isn't a disability problem it is on your parents for not reinforcing appropriate boundaries. this also isn't about just having your husband be yours. he shouldn't have to be sexually harassed on his wedding day. and just because she has a disability doesn't discount what is done to your husband. it might be pricy for your parents. but finding a disability savvy sitter for a few hours so the day could run smoothly wouldn't kill them.	nta. it’s unreasonable to ask you to spend the wedding managing her behavior. they can’t really expect you to “share” your husband whenever she’s around and need to figure out a way of teaching her not to do this for the long term.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the title sounds awful but please read all the way til the end. do not speed read this. my (22f) sister "anna" (21) is "special need". she has severe autism and while she is verbal most of her communication is "physical" like sign language due to her social discomfort. she does speak around family though and has pretty bad cognitive skills. she can't comprehend boundaries and lives with our parents so they can best watch her. i am getting married in 3 months. we planned a simple wedding and reception at my fiance "michael's" parents barn and farm. since it's all gonna be diy and we aren't planning anything too expensive, we can do things pretty quickly since flowers, food and decor will be provided by his family. i sent out invites last week and i asked that anna not come. i told my parents i understood that would mean they may not show up but it was just a heads up. why no anna? she has an issue with touching michael and trying to kiss him. at times when we were at my parents house anna would try and grab michael's hands, try to lean in to kiss him or would have a really bad shutdowns if she wasn't allowed to be directly next to him. we've tried speaking to her but there's only so much we can do when she doesn't really understand. i told my parents i just want one day for michael to be my* partner and not anna's comfort person. they called me selfish and asked how i expected them to agree to something like this. they told me anna is disabled and may never experience a wedding of her own and while i have michael for probably the rest of our lives she'll have no one and that michael and i can be a little more understanding to the reality of her life. i feel like a total ass and what they're saying has really gotten to me and i'm starting to question my decision. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> the title sounds awful but please read all the way til the end. do not speed read this. my (22f) sister "anna" (21) is "special need". she has severe autism and while she is verbal most of her communication is "physical" like sign language due to her social discomfort. she does speak around family though and has pretty bad cognitive skills. she can't comprehend boundaries and lives with our parents so they can best watch her. i am getting married in 3 months. we planned a simple wedding and reception at my fiance "michael's" parents barn and farm. since it's all gonna be diy and we aren't planning anything too expensive, we can do things pretty quickly since flowers, food and decor will be provided by his family. i sent out invites last week and i asked that anna not come. i told my parents i understood that would mean they may not show up but it was just a heads up. why no anna? she has an issue with touching michael and trying to kiss him. at times when we were at my parents house anna would try and grab michael's hands, try to lean in to kiss him or would have a really bad shutdowns if she wasn't allowed to be directly next to him. we've tried speaking to her but there's only so much we can do when she doesn't really understand. i told my parents i just want one day for michael to be my* partner and not anna's comfort person. they called me selfish and asked how i expected them to agree to something like this. they told me anna is disabled and may never experience a wedding of her own and while i have michael for probably the rest of our lives she'll have no one and that michael and i can be a little more understanding to the reality of her life. i feel like a total ass and what they're saying has really gotten to me and i'm starting to question my decision. aita? [/INST] nta. i don’t care if i get downvoted. you’re right, she is incapable of leaving your fiancé alone on the only day she needs to leave him alone. best wishes to you and your future husband!! </s>
AITA for not telling people my missing cousin is staying with me right away?	it is the middle of the night, and my phone won't stop ringing because of my family. to try and keep this short, my cousin "jake" got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. his parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could "cure" him. a kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so jake didn't want to go. jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. his folks didn't file a missing person report because they didn't want to look bad to their neighbors. they just told them that he went to that camp willingly. he dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. after making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and i allowed him to stay. he didn't want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him. i made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured jake that they cannot take him. three days ago, he told his parents he was here. a few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him. my family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that i didn't tell someone sooner. well, jake didn't feel safe yet, and still doesn't. i wanted to make sure he was ready. still, even those that want to protect jake is upset with me for hiding him. aita for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready?	23,669	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kazgfw/aita_for_not_telling_people_my_missing_cousin_is/	2020-12-11 09:12:43	nta. but weird that you think you’d be an asshole for protecting him from those fucked up conversion camps. keep protecting him. stick to it man. make sure he knows he has a safe place to stay with you.	nta. fuck those people. fuck homophobes that think being gay is something that needs to be cured in the first place. fuck people that think parents have any right to do that to their kids. good on you for protecting him.	you need to call the police since the camp people are trying to kidnap him. they know he doesn't want to go but keep showing up. he needs a restraining order on these people. this is very sinister. if the camp people show up again, call the police. take pictures, document everything. ask jake to write down every time they've come to get him and if there's other witnesses. you're nta, in fact you're a saint to protect jake from his clearly dangerous family and even took him to a lawyer. jake didn't and doesn't feel safe because he clearly isn't. there's a cultish organisation following him and trying to kidnap him. jake clearly can't trust the rest of the family, so please keep supporting him until he gets on his feet. &#x200b;	nta, if those camp people show back up tell them they'll be charged with trespassing if you ever see their asses on your property again.	nta he is a legal adult (although as someone who remembers being 18, that's far from mature lol). it's good that you provide him the emotional support he needs, and he'll probably need a good therapist or support group to help him work through the treatment he's getting from the rest of the family. poor kid.	not the asshole, nta - dear lord his parents are terrible people and they will be in my prayers, i hope they find love through christ eventually, instead of just using him to reenforce their bigotry, but usually at that point they're too far gone, and they're gonna burn for their prejudice... but i digress if he didn't want you to, you could have never ever told his parents for the rest of his life and you would never have been the asshole, jesus christ crying in a bucket, i'm sorry you're in the middle of this but protecting him is 100% the right thing to do and i applaud your for it. those camps literally are psychological and physical abuse rolled up in a nice little religious package and i can't believe anyone would tell you your the asshole for not letting a whole ass adult be sent to a brain washing facility, he's 18 so he needs to leave a note with you that if he does end up there he went unwillingly and was in fact kidnaped please go get him, just in fucking case - in a million years i don't think you ever could be the ass hole i'm gonna sound like an internet creeper but if he runs out of safe places and keeps being harassed my husband(27m) and my (31m) home in kansas is always open to protect those in need (and not to sound like trash but i have and will again if need be, straight up trailer park fight people in my front yard over this shit) sorry, but conversion therapy is a hot button issue for me	nta what you did for your cousin just shows how much of a good character you and your wife are! going above and beyond to not only respect his wishes you also sought legal help to protect him and inform him! if you were apart of my family i think i would know who my favourites would be!	nta - you were protecting your cousin. it's very sad that it's his family you had to protect him from. it's incomprehensible to me that anyone could try to put someone they are supposed to love through conversion therapy. i don't even think it's legal in some states.	my gosh nta. conversion camps should be illegal. you are doing the right thing op, don't worry. kinda glad here in australia that they are in the process of naming them illegal or already have.	he's 18. they are not entitled to know where he is. also, they want to send him to """""camp""""" to be tortured, so again, they are not entitled to know where he is. nta. they can go pound sand.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: it is the middle of the night, and my phone won't stop ringing because of my family. to try and keep this short, my cousin "jake" got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. his parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could "cure" him. a kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so jake didn't want to go. jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. his folks didn't file a missing person report because they didn't want to look bad to their neighbors. they just told them that he went to that camp willingly. he dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. after making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and i allowed him to stay. he didn't want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him. i made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured jake that they cannot take him. three days ago, he told his parents he was here. a few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him. my family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that i didn't tell someone sooner. well, jake didn't feel safe yet, and still doesn't. i wanted to make sure he was ready. still, even those that want to protect jake is upset with me for hiding him. aita for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> it is the middle of the night, and my phone won't stop ringing because of my family. to try and keep this short, my cousin "jake" got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. his parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could "cure" him. a kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so jake didn't want to go. jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. his folks didn't file a missing person report because they didn't want to look bad to their neighbors. they just told them that he went to that camp willingly. he dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. after making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and i allowed him to stay. he didn't want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him. i made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured jake that they cannot take him. three days ago, he told his parents he was here. a few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him. my family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that i didn't tell someone sooner. well, jake didn't feel safe yet, and still doesn't. i wanted to make sure he was ready. still, even those that want to protect jake is upset with me for hiding him. aita for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready? [/INST] nta. but weird that you think you’d be an asshole for protecting him from those fucked up conversion camps. keep protecting him. stick to it man. make sure he knows he has a safe place to stay with you. </s>
AITA For telling a stranger to delete a picture of me and my seizure alert dog that he took of me on the bus even after he told me why?	heya. so this happened a few days ago, and i'm still pretty worried about whether i'm an asshole or not. i take the bus to and from work and it's quite a long commute. background: i have epilepsy. i have a seizure alert dog, and he comes with me on the bus. because hes trained to do all kinds of support tasks, hes a large breed dog (sheepdog/poodle cross). ive had a lot of seizures on the bus, so i have a hard time mentally dealing with the commute every day. to accommodate his size and to make me comfortable, i sit in the disability seating section if it's available so he can lay beneath/between my legs and out of the way. now onto the story: i'm on the bus ride home, and i found a seat in the disability section. i was about 2 stops from my home, and i was starting to have a few auras, so my dog turned around and was facing me/alerting me. the next thing i know, i see a flash. i look up, and a man sitting near me was holding up his phone and taking a picture of me. i was in a bit of a rough state, so i asked him to delete it. i was probably firmer than i usually would be, but my dog was alerting me and i had about 10-15 mins to get home. the man was stuttering and saying things like "i just wanted a picture he was being so cute and i saw his id badge (he has one attached to his vest that says "seizure alert dog")." i asked him again to delete the pic and then he goes "my daughter has epilepsy and it would be important to her to see a working seizure alert dog" i told him there were plenty of resources online and made him show me that he deleted it. i was then at my stop and ran home. i felt bad, because i do epilepsy activism work so i felt for him but i was really uncomfortable with someone taking a picture of me while my seizure alert dog in the disability section just felt wrong. should i have just let him keep the picture? aita? edit to clear up some things: -i dont care about legality, just the asshole nature of the situation -i'm a female :) -i live in canada -while i dont have exclusive photosensitive epilepsy, flashing lights make my auras worse -if he had asked me, i would have gotten out of the way and let him take a picture of my dog. hes super cute so i get it.	23,595	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e015on/aita_for_telling_a_stranger_to_delete_a_picture/	2019-11-22 13:44:27	nta and his excuse is bs- his daughter has epilepsy he should know that a flash can be a trigger and it's 2019 he can google a picture to show his daughter. if she is young enough that it "is important to show her working dogs" (making it sound like the child isn't very old) then she is young enough that "i couldn't get a picture because he was working with his person but here is a pic of others in life that i found online" would be sufficient.	why tf is he taking a picture with his flash on then!?!?! what a dick	nta. he could've asked first. by using his flash, he may have triggered an episode. you have the right to privacy and to not have your picture taken, even in the name of advocacy.	nta. i hate this increasingly pervasive idea that snapshotting a complete stranger isn't assholish just because it's legal. that just because you had the gall to walk outside, you're a prick for not wanting some rando to take you or your child's picture. my sister has a unique feature, and many times throughout her life, people have felt completely entitled to a picture of her. when she's on the bus. when she's walking down the street. when she's leaning against the wall of an airport. she'll be minding her own business, then someone takes a picture. yes, people. we all know it's legal. but unless you're a photojournalist covering an event, you're still a dick for not asking first. you're not ansel adams. you're a rando with an iphone.	nta. should have asked for permission before taking the photo	nta. someone is bound to come into this post with "but it's legal!!!!!" because a lot of people think something being legal makes it okay.	nta in the slightest. he doesn’t have the right to take a photo of you or your dog, especially if the dog is on duty. it would be different if he had asked permission to take a photo of the dog. also if he recognised the seizure id on the dog, why the fuck is he using the flash in front of you?!	nah. i'm going to go out on a limb and say the flash was accidental, we've all been there, and on a well lit bus i don't think anyone would be using the flash feature deliberately. yeah, the idea of someone taking a photo of you without your consent sucks, but the intention here was clearly that he was focused on the dog, not you. it's a bit rude yes, but i'll be honest, i've taken pictures of cute dogs, service or non service, that i've seen on public transport, just because my partner and i like dogspotting. sometimes the owner will end up in shot, sometimes not - i'll generally crop them out before sharing it if so. i totally understand you feeling uncomfortable with this, and the discomfort came from the fact the flash was on so you knew what he was doing. but i also totally get that he didn't mean any harm to you and wasn't trying to photograph you for really dodgy reasons, he just thought your dog was awesome and wanted to show his daughter (or someone else maybe, idk) "look at this awesome working dog i saw helping his human today". it's an awkward and uncomfortable situation, and you're within your rights to say "i don't like that you did that, please delete it". but i also don't think there's much wrong with him taking a photo of a cute working animal in public. so i don't think anyone involved is an asshole per se.	i don't get reddit sometimes. i see posts where people are filming other people and the comments scream they have the absolute right to do so, but then a situation like this comes up and all of a sudden the guy filming is the antichrist.	it takes a special kind of idiot to take a flash photo of an epileptic person who's being alerted by their seizure dog. he doesn't even have the excuse of being unfamiliar with the topic. he's just a selfish idiot. seriously, never take pictures without consent, that's not hard to memorize. hell, i would have strangled him, and flash photos just cause me migraines, not freaking seizures. you are nta and that guy is as smart and emotionally capable as a turnip.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	NTA	0.000646	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: heya. so this happened a few days ago, and i'm still pretty worried about whether i'm an asshole or not. i take the bus to and from work and it's quite a long commute. background: i have epilepsy. i have a seizure alert dog, and he comes with me on the bus. because hes trained to do all kinds of support tasks, hes a large breed dog (sheepdog/poodle cross). ive had a lot of seizures on the bus, so i have a hard time mentally dealing with the commute every day. to accommodate his size and to make me comfortable, i sit in the disability seating section if it's available so he can lay beneath/between my legs and out of the way. now onto the story: i'm on the bus ride home, and i found a seat in the disability section. i was about 2 stops from my home, and i was starting to have a few auras, so my dog turned around and was facing me/alerting me. the next thing i know, i see a flash. i look up, and a man sitting near me was holding up his phone and taking a picture of me. i was in a bit of a rough state, so i asked him to delete it. i was probably firmer than i usually would be, but my dog was alerting me and i had about 10-15 mins to get home. the man was stuttering and saying things like "i just wanted a picture he was being so cute and i saw his id badge (he has one attached to his vest that says "seizure alert dog")." i asked him again to delete the pic and then he goes "my daughter has epilepsy and it would be important to her to see a working seizure alert dog" i told him there were plenty of resources online and made him show me that he deleted it. i was then at my stop and ran home. i felt bad, because i do epilepsy activism work so i felt for him but i was really uncomfortable with someone taking a picture of me while my seizure alert dog in the disability section just felt wrong. should i have just let him keep the picture? aita? edit to clear up some things: -i dont care about legality, just the asshole nature of the situation -i'm a female :) -i live in canada -while i dont have exclusive photosensitive epilepsy, flashing lights make my auras worse -if he had asked me, i would have gotten out of the way and let him take a picture of my dog. hes super cute so i get it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> heya. so this happened a few days ago, and i'm still pretty worried about whether i'm an asshole or not. i take the bus to and from work and it's quite a long commute. background: i have epilepsy. i have a seizure alert dog, and he comes with me on the bus. because hes trained to do all kinds of support tasks, hes a large breed dog (sheepdog/poodle cross). ive had a lot of seizures on the bus, so i have a hard time mentally dealing with the commute every day. to accommodate his size and to make me comfortable, i sit in the disability seating section if it's available so he can lay beneath/between my legs and out of the way. now onto the story: i'm on the bus ride home, and i found a seat in the disability section. i was about 2 stops from my home, and i was starting to have a few auras, so my dog turned around and was facing me/alerting me. the next thing i know, i see a flash. i look up, and a man sitting near me was holding up his phone and taking a picture of me. i was in a bit of a rough state, so i asked him to delete it. i was probably firmer than i usually would be, but my dog was alerting me and i had about 10-15 mins to get home. the man was stuttering and saying things like "i just wanted a picture he was being so cute and i saw his id badge (he has one attached to his vest that says "seizure alert dog")." i asked him again to delete the pic and then he goes "my daughter has epilepsy and it would be important to her to see a working seizure alert dog" i told him there were plenty of resources online and made him show me that he deleted it. i was then at my stop and ran home. i felt bad, because i do epilepsy activism work so i felt for him but i was really uncomfortable with someone taking a picture of me while my seizure alert dog in the disability section just felt wrong. should i have just let him keep the picture? aita? edit to clear up some things: -i dont care about legality, just the asshole nature of the situation -i'm a female :) -i live in canada -while i dont have exclusive photosensitive epilepsy, flashing lights make my auras worse -if he had asked me, i would have gotten out of the way and let him take a picture of my dog. hes super cute so i get it. [/INST] nta and his excuse is bs- his daughter has epilepsy he should know that a flash can be a trigger and it's 2019 he can google a picture to show his daughter. if she is young enough that it "is important to show her working dogs" (making it sound like the child isn't very old) then she is young enough that "i couldn't get a picture because he was working with his person but here is a pic of others in life that i found online" would be sufficient. </s>
AITA for yelling at my dad(51M) and calling him a monster for what he gave my sister(30F) as a Christmas ''gift''?	my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992. amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship. enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4. my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that. a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight. in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad. my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her. so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it. it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number. dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''. amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that. my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing. my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas. aita here?	23,594	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kn9wvu/aita_for_yelling_at_my_dad51m_and_calling_him_a/	2020-12-30 20:19:50	nta it sounds like you and your sister are the only ones not acting like assholes here. here's why every single other person involved is an asshole: 1. her ex-fiance is an asshole for trying to use her father to control her 2. y'all's dad is an asshole for berating her about something that was none of his business and then using christmas as an opportunity to further lash out at her 3. your mother is an asshole for standing by and not saying jack shit while he did it 4. finally, every younger brother who thinks you're the issue here is an asshole because you're clearly not the one that made a scene. that would be your father.	omg. women are not baby-making machines. whatever their views on abortion, your father had no right to rub her decision in her face. he clearly has no respect for women, something that your brothers seem to have inherited. good on you for standing up for your sister. you're nta. you're a wonderful sister and a bad ass.	nta - daaamn what your dad did is messed up. i get that abortion might be a sore topic for some people but c'mon, that was just a plain and simple dick move to do. he deliberately preyed amy's fears and insecurities and is subjecting her to mental abuse.	so if i’m reading this correctly, your dad gave amy the info not because of her curiosity about her mom, but to twist the knife of her getting an abortion by basically saying she’s as “heartless” as her own mother? if so, that’s pretty low. your dad and his whole family seem to have an unhealthy fixation on women producing babies - or maybe against abortion? why was it so important to them that amy’s mom go through with the pregnancy? why not just wait until your dad was married? anyway, your dad is a controlling, heartless creep... mom also sucks for staying silent, and brothers for laughing. you and amy of course are nta - i hope she’s able to heal from this and maybe get something positive out of connecting with her bio-mom. i hope your dad stubs his toe every time he enters or leaves a room for the rest of his life.	omg, i'm so mad on you and amy's behalf. >my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas you didnt!!! your dad made a scene and ruined christmas!!! nta in the slightest, wtf.	nta. your dad and mark are the assholes here. mark should never tell your dad about her pregnancy and used his history with amy's mom to try to convince her to keep the baby. your dad because he is acting out, but honestly, while he is totally being an ass i see a little bit of his side too, he gave a lot for amy's mom to keep amy, and 30 years later when amy is presented with a ''similar'' scenario she did exactly what her bio-mom wanted in the first place, while he was wrong to push her to keep the pregnancy he probably sympathizes with mark (he was in the same spot as him 30 years ago). but to give her that much information on her lap as a punishment is too far, one of the worst things you can do to someone who had a parent who was abusive or was not present in her life is comparing someone to that parent, by saying ''that amy's bio-mom and she are so similar'' is just saying ''you are just like your mother'', he did that to hurt her he was indeed a monster, amy must be a mess hearing that from her own dad. poor amy.	jesus nta spend nye with your sister and seriously don’t even try to reach out to your parents. your mom needs apologize for not standing up for your sister, your brothers need to get their heads out of their ass and your dad... i mean your dad needs to have his head looked at. i straight wouldn’t be in the same room as him until he apologized to your sister.	nta. you’re so, so, so nta. your dad and sister’s ex-fiancé are being emotionally abusive and cruel to your sister.	nta. literally everyone is an asshole besides you and your sister. your dad clearly has some resentment towards your sister and her bio-mother and it’s very very toxic. it’s her body and her choice. your dad giving her the contact info was not a gift. it was done in spite. please continue to support your sister. i can only imagine how hard this is for her.	nta #change her phone number!	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992. amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship. enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4. my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that. a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight. in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad. my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her. so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it. it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number. dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''. amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that. my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing. my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas. aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992. amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship. enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4. my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that. a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight. in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad. my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her. so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it. it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number. dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''. amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that. my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing. my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas. aita here? [/INST] nta it sounds like you and your sister are the only ones not acting like assholes here. here's why every single other person involved is an asshole: 1. her ex-fiance is an asshole for trying to use her father to control her 2. y'all's dad is an asshole for berating her about something that was none of his business and then using christmas as an opportunity to further lash out at her 3. your mother is an asshole for standing by and not saying jack shit while he did it 4. finally, every younger brother who thinks you're the issue here is an asshole because you're clearly not the one that made a scene. that would be your father. </s>
AITA for not telling my fiancée about a secret room in our apartment?	i recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous. the situation is less so. i was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college. it's a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building, but i've gut-renovated it and made it really nice. one aspect of my home was created just to fulfill a childhood fantasy. a secret room! it's simple— a flush mount bookcase put in the doorway. it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closet or a very small room. i made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook, but with no windows... it never got used. ended up being more long-term storage. i never told anyone about it... because it was a secret room! i kind of figured at one point i'd tell my girlfriend, emma, but i didn't want to tell her until i had a reason to. (i had finished it shortly before meeting her.) i figured maybe one day if we had a kid, i could remove the bookcase and bam, we'd have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup. or a craft-nook for her. but i largely forgot about it, except when i needed to pull something out from back there... which is rare. fast forward to yesterday. emma, now my fiancée, has been living with me in my (now our!) apartment for eight months. during this time, i've kept the secret room... a secret. it's not like i was thinking about it all the time. i only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in, to get christmas lights, a spare coffee maker, and to put away a novelty item she probably thought i threw out. and the reason i was sneaky at those times was because again, i didn't want to waste the surprise on christmas lights! we've both been working from home lately, and we aren't really able to leave very often, due to circumstances... and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commute. (bedroom to living room.) so *of course* i excitedly pulled open our "built-in" bookshelf and showed her our room! *...and she flipped out.* she is furious at me. she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust, given that this is her home. she's acting like i cheated on her. i tried to explain i was waiting for a special moment, but... she thinks that makes it worse. i have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if i am. aita?	23,581	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g3keje/aita_for_not_telling_my_fiancée_about_a_secret/	2020-04-18 08:48:13	nta. it's a closet, not another woman.	i couldn't help but laugh. i understand the "bat cave" mentality as i am also a guy but i think it's probably came off more axe-murderer vibe. i want to say n t a, but logically, esh. it's your place, so what if you have a secret room? it's your secret room. but you should have also told her about it after being with her for so long. maybe a week after she moves in. not telling her is like you do not trust her with your secret ... which is a bad things i suppose.	esh she overreacted but this is her home and has been for 8 months and you had a secret room hidden from her. i might have voted differently if you hadn't waited so long, but seriously, this is a fucked up secret to keep and i'd be wondering what else you're keeping from me.	nah, you've done nothing wrong, but it's understandable why she might feel weirded out that a place she's called him for 8 months has secrets she doesn't know about. she might be wondering if there's anything else hidden that she doesn't know about. i'd suggest talking it over, explaining that you never meant anything malicious about and that it was just a childhood thing, she'll come round eventually.	nah a secret room is everyone's childhood fantasy so that is amazing. from her perspective it does come across as a bit weird and potentially creepy that there was these whole other room that she didn't know about. and it's not like it was just some cupboard she walked past everyday and didn't look it, it was a whole different room purposely hidden (not from her specifically but still). potentially she is worried about why you would need a secret room, what you do in there and what other secrets you have. you need to communicate with her. she probably needs some reassurance that you aren't a creep or werido and that it's just a fun little thing.	light yta. i think a secret room is awesome! however, once she moved in, she should have been in on it. i can only imagine all the times she's had in the past eight months thinking "ugh, there's no room to store this" when unpacking her belongings or looking to purchase something for the home.	yta come on man. she's been living in this apartment for 8 freakin months and you kept the secret room secret from her! that's worse than hiding the best snacks after shopping! this could have been a "wow i have an awesome partner" moment if it had happened like 7+1/2 months ago. now it's more of a "if he can lie to me about this for 8 months what else is he lying about?" or worse "what did he hide in that room for the past 8 months that i shouldn't see?"	yta. before y'all moved in together, i would say no. but once it becomes both of your homes you should share such things. you intentionally kept it a secret so you lied to her.	nah but you need to have a big talk about this because here's the thing: it's not about the room. from your pov: it's basically just a storage room, it's not like you're cheating on her. from her pov: if you have been keeping an entire room in the apartment she's living in secret from her for eight months then what the fuck else have you/could you keep secret from her? &#x200b; you're keeping secrets from someone you're marrying and intending on spending the rest of your life with. it's not like this is a crawlspace you forgot about and haven't used, you built it deliberately and have been actively using it throughout the time she's been living with you and -- on at least three occasions -- deliberately gone out of your way to be sneaky about it and keep it hidden from her. the problem is that you've just casually shown her that you're perfectly willing and capable to keep secrets from her. that's enough to make anyone paranoid at the best of times, let alone during the emotionally fraught time we're living in now. sure you might only have general storage stuff in there now, but how is she to know what used to be in there before today? you could have had drugs in there, used it to hide an affair partner when she came home early, used it to spy on her/listen to her when she thinks she's alone... all sorts of things could have been done and she would have had no idea. have a talk with her -- y'all need some open communication.	nah, but it does seem a bit sneaky, and i can see why she sees it as a betrayal of trust. the lesson here is not to keep secrets from your future wife, especially if they concern the home you're sharing.	NTA	NTA	ESH	NAH	NAH	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	NAH	0.71206	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous. the situation is less so. i was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college. it's a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building, but i've gut-renovated it and made it really nice. one aspect of my home was created just to fulfill a childhood fantasy. a secret room! it's simple— a flush mount bookcase put in the doorway. it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closet or a very small room. i made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook, but with no windows... it never got used. ended up being more long-term storage. i never told anyone about it... because it was a secret room! i kind of figured at one point i'd tell my girlfriend, emma, but i didn't want to tell her until i had a reason* to. (i had finished it shortly before meeting her.) i figured maybe one day if we had a kid, i could remove the bookcase and bam, we'd have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup. or a craft-nook for her. but i largely forgot about it, except when i needed to pull something out from back there... which is rare. fast forward to yesterday. emma, now my fiancée, has been living with me in my (now our!) apartment for eight months. during this time, i've kept the secret room... a secret. it's not like i was thinking about it all the time. i only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in, to get christmas lights, a spare coffee maker, and to put away a novelty item she probably thought i threw out. and the reason i was sneaky at those times was because again, i didn't want to waste the surprise on christmas lights! we've both been working from home lately, and we aren't really able to leave very often, due to circumstances... and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commute. (bedroom to living room.) so *of course* i excitedly pulled open our "built-in" bookshelf and showed her our room! *...and she flipped out.* she is furious at me. she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust, given that this is her home. she's acting like i cheated on her. i tried to explain i was waiting for a special moment, but... she thinks that makes it worse. i have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if i am. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous. the situation is less so. i was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college. it's a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building, but i've gut-renovated it and made it really nice. one aspect of my home was created just to fulfill a childhood fantasy. a secret room! it's simple— a flush mount bookcase put in the doorway. it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closet or a very small room. i made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook, but with no windows... it never got used. ended up being more long-term storage. i never told anyone about it... because it was a secret room! i kind of figured at one point i'd tell my girlfriend, emma, but i didn't want to tell her until i had a reason* to. (i had finished it shortly before meeting her.) i figured maybe one day if we had a kid, i could remove the bookcase and bam, we'd have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup. or a craft-nook for her. but i largely forgot about it, except when i needed to pull something out from back there... which is rare. fast forward to yesterday. emma, now my fiancée, has been living with me in my (now our!) apartment for eight months. during this time, i've kept the secret room... a secret. it's not like i was thinking about it all the time. i only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in, to get christmas lights, a spare coffee maker, and to put away a novelty item she probably thought i threw out. and the reason i was sneaky at those times was because again, i didn't want to waste the surprise on christmas lights! we've both been working from home lately, and we aren't really able to leave very often, due to circumstances... and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commute. (bedroom to living room.) so *of course* i excitedly pulled open our "built-in" bookshelf and showed her our room! *...and she flipped out.* she is furious at me. she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust, given that this is her home. she's acting like i cheated on her. i tried to explain i was waiting for a special moment, but... she thinks that makes it worse. i have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if i am. aita? [/INST] nta. it's a closet, not another woman. </s>
AITA for demanding my husband to pay me the $1000 dollars he spent behind my back?	my husband (33) and i (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we've lost our home and one of our incomes (his). we moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our "costly" habits. my husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. a single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that'd be nearly 1000 a month!. i offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he's used to her. problem is i'm the only income earner and i'm struggling to make ends meet. i'm also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. i told him to cut his sessions but he refused. i told him i won't be paying for them anymore and he said he'd get the money himself. yesterday i checked and saw that he's been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. i found that out when i went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said i had no money. i had to return everything then went home and went off on him. i told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn't tell me cause he knew i'd have an issue with it. i demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, i yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he's going to be a parent too and it's stressful for him and i keep dismissing his own needs as a human. i went upstairs and he went out. he started giving me silent but i kept demanding the money back. he said i shouldn't expect it back since we're married then my money is technically his and i should stop using his unemployement against him.	23,542	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u3f6ka/aita_for_demanding_my_husband_to_pay_me_the_1000/	2022-04-14 11:20:46	nta he stole from you to buy a luxury. immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. don't give him any money at all. and seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you. also, is there any chance that this "spa" treatment actually involves him paying for sex? because there's something that feels off about all this...	i’d be suspicious about the $200+ for a ‘massage’ lol	does anyone else think he might be going for a happy ending rather than the massage or have i been reading aita comment sections too long?	have you ever looked up this place and what this $250 massage entails? because that is alot of money for a massage that he says he needs weekly? does he have an injury that he requires it for or is it a relaxation massage? i dunno.. something is off here. i’d be wondering if it’s a massage he receives or something more. you btw, are very much nta	nta...cancel the card, put the money you earn in your name only. maybe instead of getting a luxurious massage, he should be applying for jobs? like wtf. a baby is going to drain finances even more.	nta. start getting your ducks in a row. talk to an attorney. split your finances. cancel that credit card and hide any others you may have. this is not going to get better, op. i "need" a massage pretty much all the time given my back issues. the last one i had was 5 years ago in a resort in lanzarote, because it came with our reservations at the resort. why? because i have other shit that needs paying for (and i'm not the breadwinner), like bills, kid stuff, food (strange thing, everyone in my house likes to eat!) like i said, this isn't going to get better. you can't reason with that level of entitlement. also, you might report those charges as fraudulent and set the credit card company on your husband. he took your card without your knowledge and now you're in a pretty dire financial situation.	nta. i do think this is what they call foreshadowing.	nta >stop playing victim is a weird thing to yell at someone you've just been caught stealing from	nta i’d check all my credit cards and i’d run a credit report. it’s possible he may have opened new cc in your name too. i’d also lock my cards. he’s really selfish. i worry for you and your baby!	nta you realize $250 is exorbitant? are you not suspicious that these are “happy ending” massages?	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (33) and i (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we've lost our home and one of our incomes (his). we moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our "costly" habits. my husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. a single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that'd be nearly 1000 a month!. i offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he's used to her. problem is i'm the only income earner and i'm struggling to make ends meet. i'm also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. i told him to cut his sessions but he refused. i told him i won't be paying for them anymore and he said he'd get the money himself. yesterday i checked and saw that he's been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. i found that out when i went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said i had no money. i had to return everything then went home and went off on him. i told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn't tell me cause he knew i'd have an issue with it. i demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, i yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he's going to be a parent too and it's stressful for him and i keep dismissing his own needs as a human. i went upstairs and he went out. he started giving me silent but i kept demanding the money back. he said i shouldn't expect it back since we're married then my money is technically his and i should stop using his unemployement against him.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband (33) and i (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we've lost our home and one of our incomes (his). we moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our "costly" habits. my husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. a single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that'd be nearly 1000 a month!. i offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he's used to her. problem is i'm the only income earner and i'm struggling to make ends meet. i'm also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. i told him to cut his sessions but he refused. i told him i won't be paying for them anymore and he said he'd get the money himself. yesterday i checked and saw that he's been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. i found that out when i went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said i had no money. i had to return everything then went home and went off on him. i told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn't tell me cause he knew i'd have an issue with it. i demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, i yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he's going to be a parent too and it's stressful for him and i keep dismissing his own needs as a human. i went upstairs and he went out. he started giving me silent but i kept demanding the money back. he said i shouldn't expect it back since we're married then my money is technically his and i should stop using his unemployement against him. [/INST] nta he stole from you to buy a luxury. immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. don't give him any money at all. and seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you. also, is there any chance that this "spa" treatment actually involves him paying for sex? because there's something that feels off about all this... </s>
AITA for laughing hysterically after my husband called me "housewife" and embarrasing him infront of coworkers?	my husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. when they arrived he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying "this is mrs smith (didn't even say my name)...the housewife!". i looked at him for a second then i started laughing hysterically. i then told said "no honey i work full time and yes i still act like a housewife when i'm home because you simply can't bother to help". his co workers were staring at him as he tried to laugh and change the subject and ask what they wanted to drink. dinner went super awkward with him giving me looks and stares. once the guests left he blew up saying i embarrassed him by laughing like a lunatic and then making the comment i made infront of his new coworks and ruining his image. i told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree to begin with. he said i could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless. he stormed off and has been quiet the entire night. was i out of line?	23,490	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u04h6f/aita_for_laughing_hysterically_after_my_husband/	2022-04-09 22:57:16	nta. hint for hubby: don't want to be embarassed in front of your coworker? then don't lie.	he fucked around and found out. nta.	nta. men who diminish their partners to look better at the office are gross. he only seemed to care about his embarrassment, and not yours. i'd be mortified if my husband used a lie that robbed me of my success and accomplishments to prop himself up. yuck.	nta. he diminished (being a housewife is not a "low" role, but he meant it that way) you in public, you corrected him. in public. as he deserved. talk shit, get hit (verbally).	nta. if he doesn’t want to look like a useless asshole, he probably shouldn’t be a useless asshole. > he said i could’ve talked to him about it privately later but not like this “you should have been ok with me being misogynistic and demeaning to you in front of my coworkers. you should not have embarrassed me like i embarrassed you because my image is more important than your dignity”	ummm. if he doesn’t want to be embarrassed then he should’ve told the truth. nta.	nta. it's a red flag for the relationship. he doesn't want a partner who is an equal. he wants a dependent woman who he can provide for completely so he can feel like a man.	info: why are you married to him exactly? you're clearly able to stand up to him yet are doing all the housework on top of a full time job.	nta, but a queen!	nta. he opened this can of worms. he calls you mrs. smith, doesn't acknowledge you other than as his mrs. and yet calls you the house's wife. wow! does it get better than this? /s enjoy the quiet. he should be embarrased because he embarrased himself!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. when they arrived he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying "this is mrs smith (didn't even say my name)...the housewife!". i looked at him for a second then i started laughing hysterically. i then told said "no honey i work full time and yes i still act like a housewife when i'm home because you simply can't bother to help". his co workers were staring at him as he tried to laugh and change the subject and ask what they wanted to drink. dinner went super awkward with him giving me looks and stares. once the guests left he blew up saying i embarrassed him by laughing like a lunatic and then making the comment i made infront of his new coworks and ruining his image. i told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree to begin with. he said i could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless. he stormed off and has been quiet the entire night. was i out of line?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. when they arrived he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying "this is mrs smith (didn't even say my name)...the housewife!". i looked at him for a second then i started laughing hysterically. i then told said "no honey i work full time and yes i still act like a housewife when i'm home because you simply can't bother to help". his co workers were staring at him as he tried to laugh and change the subject and ask what they wanted to drink. dinner went super awkward with him giving me looks and stares. once the guests left he blew up saying i embarrassed him by laughing like a lunatic and then making the comment i made infront of his new coworks and ruining his image. i told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree to begin with. he said i could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless. he stormed off and has been quiet the entire night. was i out of line? [/INST] nta. hint for hubby: don't want to be embarassed in front of your coworker? then don't lie. </s>
AITA for continuing to call my teacher by her first name when she refers to me by my last name?	my teacher doesn’t like my first name and always talks about how weird it is, and how my last name should be my first. so she took it upon herself to only refer to me by my last name, on tests she’d even cross out my first name when i wrote it. i kept telling her i preferred being called by my first name, but she laughed it off. so i started calling her by her first name, the first time she was shocked but after a month she just kept yelling to me how i was being really disrespectful. i’ve gotten numerous detentions because of it, but i don’t want to stop until she calls me my first name. so aita if i keep calling her by her first name. edit for more information: i have an arabic name and live in a country where majority of people are arabs. i should also clarify that in my country we already call teachers by their first name (ex: mrs. [name]) however i stopped addressing the mrs and only call her by her name. the country i live in isn’t very well, and school systems are upside which is why it may be different then everyone else’s.	23,480	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcvwmo/aita_for_continuing_to_call_my_teacher_by_her/	2019-10-03 19:37:13	nta - thats very out of line for someone with authority over you. maybe talk to someone higher than her at the school about it?	nta but report her to the principal or something. seems like the only person getting hurt here is you	nta she’s being disrespectful of you. it’s not up to her to approve or disapprove of your name. have your parents talked about it with her or the principal? she sounds like a real piece of work. edit to change judgment.	info how has administration not gotten involved to settled this once and for all yet?	nta. shes crazy, to actually tell you she doesn't like your name and to cross it out is absolutely insane. i'd be talking to the principal about that. her fixation on your name is not only bizarre and creepy but unprofessional.	nta it's utterly unprofessional of her to discriminate your preferred name and in such case she's the asshole. but, you've probably noticed your tactic hasn't worked so far, and it's just fuelling her immature behaviour. as others have already suggested, refer to her superiors.	nta, but make sure she knows why you’re doing it. if for some reason she’s not connecting dots in her head she could see it as genuine disrespect. (she’d also be an idiot, but i digress) i’d also consider talking about it with school administrators, they probably won’t agree with the retaliation but could help you make her understand you feel disrespected in her classroom.	nta nope nope nope nope nope. absolutely not. as a teacher myself kids \[in good fun\] like to mess with my last name - in response i will always call them by their given name instead of by the nickname they'd prefer \[think joey versus joseph so an example would be "hey mr. egnardo", "oh, hi joseph!" they learn really freaking quick that if they want their name to be said properly they can't screw with other people's names. frankly there comes a point where i would bring this up with someone over the teacher's head.	nta your teacher is disrespecting you. is your name an ethnic name (from your ethnic group)? if so, you can potentially make a stink about this as a form of discriminatory behavior on her part. assuming you’re in a public school, can you report this to someone working for the school district or complain to officials in the city?	nta logically, i wouldn't totally disagree if someone said "everyone sucks here" b/c you're retaliating in your own way but the power imbalance really pivots this to your teacher being the a-hole. i mean, crossing out your first name?! saying your name is weird?! those are just straight up dick moves. eff her. that kind of pettiness and abuse of power is a serious flag on her fitness for teaching. it's only october -- do you have eight more months of this? even eight more days is more than you should have to put up with. you sound like you've got some gumption (good for you! and yes, i am a hundred and eighty years old for using "gumption") but imagine her treating someone with less self esteem or who is emotionally vulnerable. i am irrationally angry and defensive on your behalf. i can almost guarantee she has/is terrorizing other students and i hope you're the person to make this stop. you have every right to escalate this to administration and if you haven't already told your parents, please do so.	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my teacher doesn’t like my first name and always talks about how weird it is, and how my last name should be my first. so she took it upon herself to only refer to me by my last name, on tests she’d even cross out my first name when i wrote it. i kept telling her i preferred being called by my first name, but she laughed it off. so i started calling her by her first name, the first time she was shocked but after a month she just kept yelling to me how i was being really disrespectful. i’ve gotten numerous detentions because of it, but i don’t want to stop until she calls me my first name. so aita if i keep calling her by her first name. edit for more information: i have an arabic name and live in a country where majority of people are arabs. i should also clarify that in my country we already call teachers by their first name (ex: mrs. [name]) however i stopped addressing the mrs and only call her by her name. the country i live in isn’t very well, and school systems are upside which is why it may be different then everyone else’s.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my teacher doesn’t like my first name and always talks about how weird it is, and how my last name should be my first. so she took it upon herself to only refer to me by my last name, on tests she’d even cross out my first name when i wrote it. i kept telling her i preferred being called by my first name, but she laughed it off. so i started calling her by her first name, the first time she was shocked but after a month she just kept yelling to me how i was being really disrespectful. i’ve gotten numerous detentions because of it, but i don’t want to stop until she calls me my first name. so aita if i keep calling her by her first name. edit for more information: i have an arabic name and live in a country where majority of people are arabs. i should also clarify that in my country we already call teachers by their first name (ex: mrs. [name]) however i stopped addressing the mrs and only call her by her name. the country i live in isn’t very well, and school systems are upside which is why it may be different then everyone else’s. [/INST] nta - thats very out of line for someone with authority over you. maybe talk to someone higher than her at the school about it? </s>
AITA for telling my girlfriend that her phobia is ridiculous and she needs treatment?	my (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe phobia of cold things. we live in england, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. she refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. she has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to 'make sure the floor isn't cold'. she also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. this means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she's always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in. it's winter in the uk right now, so her phobia is in full swing. it's getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. on thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. when i got back from work, (i work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. why didn't she call someone to help her? her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold. i told her that her this situation is "ridiculous", and she needs to "get some therapy" because she can't live like this, and it's really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. it's super annoying and i don't know how she intends to get through life like this. she was extremely upset and told me that i'm an asshole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can't help it. i told her she could help it if she tried to get some help. just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won't touch anything cold.	23,480	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ea4hnu/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_her_phobia_is/	2019-12-13 14:13:58	nta. if this phobia is affecting her ability to work, maintain social relationships, and even go to the toilet, she needs help. you sound very very patient here.	nta but i would replace the word "ridiculous" with "severe" this is something she needs something for immediately. for her to stay in bed all day because of the reasons you stated is some serious phobia. it might be linked to a childhood trauma involving the cold (my guess) or it could be something physical. so insist on therapy but don't call her phobia ridiculous. call it severe, or debilitating. she needs serious help.	nah, but calling her phobia "ridiculous" was insensitive, especially considering that's virtually the definition of a phobia (as opposed to a rational fear). it's more than "super annoying," it's significantly disabling. approach this like an illness, and not an annoying habit.	info - how did she call in sick to work if she couldn't touch her phone to call for help?	nta for telling her to get a treatment, yta for telling her that it is ridiculous. if a phobia influences your life so badly, then she really should seek help.	info: is it a phobia, or is it that cold= painful? i hate touching cold things too, but because it is painful. i have hashimoto's disease which makes me intolerant to cold. if there is some pain, she should have her thyroid levels checked.	how did she call out of work?	yta for making a fake post	nta, you did take her seriously, that's why you said she needs help.	nah your girlfriend's phobia seems to be debilitating and i can see where you are coming from...thought i also understand how the way you worded it could have come across as unsympathetic and dismissive.	NTA	NTA	NAH	INFO	NTA	INFO	null	YTA	NTA	NAH	0.198488	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe phobia of cold things. we live in england, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. she refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. she has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to 'make sure the floor isn't cold'. she also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. this means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she's always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in. it's winter in the uk right now, so her phobia is in full swing. it's getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. on thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. when i got back from work, (i work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. why didn't she call someone to help her? her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold. i told her that her this situation is "ridiculous", and she needs to "get some therapy" because she can't live like this, and it's really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. it's super annoying and i don't know how she intends to get through life like this. she was extremely upset and told me that i'm an asshole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can't help it. i told her she could help it if she tried to get some help. just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won't touch anything cold.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe phobia of cold things. we live in england, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. she refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. she has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to 'make sure the floor isn't cold'. she also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. this means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she's always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in. it's winter in the uk right now, so her phobia is in full swing. it's getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. on thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. when i got back from work, (i work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. why didn't she call someone to help her? her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold. i told her that her this situation is "ridiculous", and she needs to "get some therapy" because she can't live like this, and it's really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. it's super annoying and i don't know how she intends to get through life like this. she was extremely upset and told me that i'm an asshole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can't help it. i told her she could help it if she tried to get some help. just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won't touch anything cold. [/INST] nta. if this phobia is affecting her ability to work, maintain social relationships, and even go to the toilet, she needs help. you sound very very patient here. </s>
AITA For not switching places with my friend and ruining her life	this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it. a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time) well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her. i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me. so am i the asshole for not switching places with her?	23,456	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l5gpw6/aita_for_not_switching_places_with_my_friend_and/	2021-01-26 15:51:45	nta. you could get into financial, legal trouble (insurance fraud) for lying. you did the right thing. she's mad because she brought all this on herself.	no. don’t drive without a license. she wasn’t even doing something heroic... she was running errands, if daya is this mean to you, she’s not a good friend. this isn’t a white lie, this is literally not having a license or insurance, doing some dumb show off car run, being in an ma program and getting her mom and friends to gang up on you; find better friends	nta she ruined her own life. she and her mom chose to be irresponsible. not only did they do something illegal but then asked you to do something illegal. block her on all platforms. if she continues to harass you because she’s an idiot that did idiotic things, tell her you’ll inform the police that you are being harassed.	>now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. you don't need any of those people in your life. nta and i'm sad that for one moment you even considered you were one.	“aita for not volunteering to commit [several crimes](https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/criminal-defense/crime-penalties/lie-police-friend.htm) for a friend and her mother who were breaking the law?” nta	nta not in any way at all. she's been massively selfish, first in just thinking she has the right to drive around without a license or insurance. absolute ah thing to do. secondly in just assuming you would carry the can for her. maybe if you'd gone a long with it there wouldn't have been any consequences, maybe there would. you could have been charged wit dangerous driving or for perverting the course of justice. it's not on you to take that risk all because of her stupidity. imagine having the balls to call you a privileged bitch! this girl sounds like she just swans around thinking the world owes her a favour and none of her actions should have consequences. her life isn't ruined. maybe she's going to pay a high price and learn a pretty tough lesson but that's fair. it's up to her to learn that lesson, be a better person, and put this behind her.	nta so she did several illegal things, that are each a big no no - driving without a license - driving a car without registration - driving without insurance she and her mom definitely should have known better than doing/allowing that. she also risked your life by letting you get into the car with her under false premises because i suspect you thought she had actual, you know, training how to drive safely and a license to show she did. and she, her mom and those bullys now say your ta because you refused to do other illegal things on top of that? doesn't work like that! also you did the absolute right thing. you could have gotten in serious legal trouble switching places with her because aside from the lying to the police then you would have been the one driving without registration and insurance. also, seeing there is no insurance, the cost of the damage would have legally been on you. seeing what a peach your friend and her mother are, you can't be sure they wouldn't have let you sit on that. also, she got in legal trouble and kicked out of school because of a decision she made. even if it wasn't so detrimental for you to do so you're under no moral obligation to safe her from the consequences of her own actions. i would seriously cut contact. friend and mom sound super toxic. find a friend who won't get you into trouble.	nta; if you had lied and it came to light at any point, you would be charged for a lot of things and would get in trouble financially and legally. also it's not about privilege since apparently your friend could afford a license, she just didn't feel like it. well maybe if she had, she wouldn't have hit the other car because she would have learned how to drive with a proper instructor. looks like it's the consequences of her own actions. she should have thought of all that before doing something both illegal and extremely dangerous. there's a reason people \learn\ how to drive; it's not as easy as it looks on the outside.	nta. >well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. she did this herself	nta you didn’t ruin her life. daya ruined her own life. period. the bad news here is that you have lost daya as a friend, though i’m not sure you would want a friend like that.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it. a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time) well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her. i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me. so am i the asshole for not switching places with her?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it. a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time) well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her. i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me. so am i the asshole for not switching places with her? [/INST] nta. you could get into financial, legal trouble (insurance fraud) for lying. you did the right thing. she's mad because she brought all this on herself. </s>
AITA for making my step sister seem "uneducated"?	hi. so, i (f21) am currently staying with my family on my dad's side. my step sister is 19. we never got along. i grew up in korea and have a korean name. i won't say it here but it's the same as a blackpink member, not too hard to pronounce specially after 7 years of being my step sister but she always gets it wrong to a point that it seems on purpose. the rest of the family gets it right, except for my little sister but she is 3 lol i speak 5 languages in total, my step brother speaks 3, my step sister never wanted to learn even thought she had the chance. anyway i am tired of her never getting my name right. we were in a small reunion yesterday (all safe) and she kept misspronouncing it. at one point i misspronounced a word and my sister made fun of it in front of everyone, making everyone laugh at me. i was tired, i wasn't feeling well and wanted to just go home. i told her that i was sorry about misspronouncing a word in one of the 5 languages i speak while she only speaks english and can't ever get a korean name right. my step mom was furious and oh god if there was trouble when i got home. everyone is mad at me for making my step sis seem uneducated in public. am i the asshole? edit to add: she has no speech impediment, i gave her the option of going by my initial and her mom, the woman that almost let me die when i was 15 gets my name right.	23,449	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mnnms8/aita_for_making_my_step_sister_seem_uneducated/	2021-04-09 18:34:54	nta. you didn't make her seem uneducated. you revealed that she's being racist by refusing to pronounce your name correctly.	nta. why hasn't your dad sat her down and phonetically taught her how to say your name? she either has a speech impediment (which would make you an ah) or it's intentional.	don't dish it out if you can't take it i'd say. have you spoken to your parents about how she treats you/says your name wrong all the time?	nta good for you standing up for yourself. sounds like more than a little closet racism going on here. are you comfortable and safe where you are? not to be an alarmist, but with the rise in violence towards folks of east asian persuasion here in the us, make sure you are safe, with people you trust and who care about you. sorry you are having to deal with this, americans can be quite anti-intellectual sometimes, this coming from a lifelong us citizen.	nta but your step sister and step mom sure are. i don't see your step mom getting furious about her making fun of your mispronunciation that resulted in everyone laughing at you, but you call her out for purposely mispronouncing your name, and she is mispronouncing it on purpose after seven years of being your step sister. you definitely weren't in the wrong here, in any shape or form op.	nta. the only thing making her seem uneducated is her lack of education. and that ain’t your fault	nta. at all. after 7 years, she's purposely not pronouncing your name correctly. mispronounce hers constantly and she'll get it right.	nta she is uneducated? she’s also racist as hell and a bully by the sounds of it, likely due to her mother never giving her any sense of manners or common decency. hopefully your father will stick up for you, but either way i suggest you ignore them.	nta, and how soon before you can teach the toddler to say your name so she can be the one shaming the rude step sister?	nta. your name is special and has meaning. it’s rude not to learn to pronounce it. assuming the name is jisoo, it’s not even difficult.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi. so, i (f21) am currently staying with my family on my dad's side. my step sister is 19. we never got along. i grew up in korea and have a korean name. i won't say it here but it's the same as a blackpink member, not too hard to pronounce specially after 7 years of being my step sister but she always gets it wrong to a point that it seems on purpose. the rest of the family gets it right, except for my little sister but she is 3 lol i speak 5 languages in total, my step brother speaks 3, my step sister never wanted to learn even thought she had the chance. anyway i am tired of her never getting my name right. we were in a small reunion yesterday (all safe) and she kept misspronouncing it. at one point i misspronounced a word and my sister made fun of it in front of everyone, making everyone laugh at me. i was tired, i wasn't feeling well and wanted to just go home. i told her that i was sorry about misspronouncing a word in one of the 5 languages i speak while she only speaks english and can't ever get a korean name right. my step mom was furious and oh god if there was trouble when i got home. everyone is mad at me for making my step sis seem uneducated in public. am i the asshole? edit to add: she has no speech impediment, i gave her the option of going by my initial and her mom, the woman that almost let me die when i was 15 gets my name right.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hi. so, i (f21) am currently staying with my family on my dad's side. my step sister is 19. we never got along. i grew up in korea and have a korean name. i won't say it here but it's the same as a blackpink member, not too hard to pronounce specially after 7 years of being my step sister but she always gets it wrong to a point that it seems on purpose. the rest of the family gets it right, except for my little sister but she is 3 lol i speak 5 languages in total, my step brother speaks 3, my step sister never wanted to learn even thought she had the chance. anyway i am tired of her never getting my name right. we were in a small reunion yesterday (all safe) and she kept misspronouncing it. at one point i misspronounced a word and my sister made fun of it in front of everyone, making everyone laugh at me. i was tired, i wasn't feeling well and wanted to just go home. i told her that i was sorry about misspronouncing a word in one of the 5 languages i speak while she only speaks english and can't ever get a korean name right. my step mom was furious and oh god if there was trouble when i got home. everyone is mad at me for making my step sis seem uneducated in public. am i the asshole? edit to add: she has no speech impediment, i gave her the option of going by my initial and her mom, the woman that almost let me die when i was 15 gets my name right. [/INST] nta. you didn't make her seem uneducated. you revealed that she's being racist by refusing to pronounce your name correctly. </s>
AITA: For uninviting my sister to my wedding for what she told my fiancèe?	my m27 fiancèe f25 has an obvious permanent burnscar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent) to pass away from injury. my fiancèe had a long recovery it's been 7 years. the scar is on her collarbone. it goes down her chest but isn't showing. unless she's wearing scoop/square tops. she often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. she puts this cream i don't know what ladies call it but it's supposed to tone skin color or something? i'm not sure but my fiancèe calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. i absolutely adore her she's pretty, smart, ambitious and the list goes on. what happened was unfortunate and i'm glad she's at peace with herself and more confident. my family love her. how can they not. she's a member of the family. my mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. however. my sister made comments about my fiancèe's scar several times. i've called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive comments. i told my fiancèe she had everyright to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family. our wedding is in february. my fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress. this is where the issue started: my fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister. i didn't see it but i was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. my fiancèe likes this stuff. anyways my sister saw it and went nuts she started criticising her choice and said that she should've gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar. she argued with my fiancèe about it. i went to my family's house and i confronted her. i yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a "proper" one so that guests won't focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic of conversation and gossip. i told her that she's not invited to our wedding. she isn't welcome to my wedding with this entitled attitude of hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. we argued for half an hour then i left. in exactly an hour. my mom and dad called and berated me saying my sister was crying after i uninvited her and that i had no right to univinte her. she's my sister and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any "unnecessary" drama at the wedding. my mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pridel shawl as a neutral solution. i stopped responding to my mom's calls and texts after that. family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again because this will make family look bad in front of outsiders and guests.	23,419	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kspqdi/aita_for_uninviting_my_sister_to_my_wedding_for/	2021-01-07 23:27:57	nta. uninvite anyone who insults your fiancee, imo	~~^(my m27 fiancèe f25 has an obvious permanent burnscar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent to pass away from injury. my fiancèe had a long recovery it's been 7 years. the scar is on her collarbone. it goes down her chest but isn't showing. unless she's wearing scoop/square tops. she often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. she puts this cream i don't know what ladies call it but it's supposed to tone skin color or something? i'm not sure but my fiancèe calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. i absolutely adore her she's pretty, smart, ambitious and the list goes on. what happened was unfortunate and i'm glad she's at peace with herself and more confident.)~~ ~~^(my family love her. how can they not. she's a member of the family. my mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. however)~~. my sister made ~~^(comments about my fiancèe's scar several times. i've called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive comments. i told my fiancèe she had everyright to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family.)~~ ~~^(our wedding is in february. my fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress. this is where the issue started. my fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister. i didn't see it but i was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. my fiancèe likes this stuff. anyways my sister saw it and went nuts she started criticising her choice and said that she should've gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar. she argued with my fiancèe about it. i went to my family's house and i confronted her. i yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a "proper" one so that guests won't focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic if conversation and gossip. i told her that she's not invited to our wedding. she isn't welcome to my with this entitled attitude if hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. we argued for half an hour then i left.)~~ ~~^(in exactly an hour. my mom and add called and berated me saying my sister was crying after i invited her and that i had no right to univinte her. she's my sister and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any ")~~unnecessary~~^(")~~ drama ~~^(at the wedding. my mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pridel shawl as a neutral solution. i stopped responding to my mom's calls and texts after that. family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again)~~. nta	nta. your mom is ridiculous to suggest your fiancée needs to compromise with anyone on her wedding dress.	what a small person your sister is. your fiancee's burn scar is a badge of courage. i work in surgery, and i've done many many burn reconstructions ... that is no easy road to go down, and your fiancee should be praised for going through all that and coming out the other side with her gracious nature intact. your sister owes you and your fiancee a huge apology. your mother can offer one as well. this 'eww' factor is childish and reprehensible. nta, at all.	nta! i am a burn survivor my scars are on my chest and upper arm, i can't begin to explain the mental toll that these so called helpful comments have on a person. i have had people pull my blouse closed over my scars "because they were showing" or suggest what i should and shouldn't wear because of them. i have had comments about how at least it didn't damage my face and i can hide my scars. it took years to be okay with my scars. what your family is doing is abusive and psychologically damaging. your sister is not being helpful she is being cruel and your parents need a huge wake up call if they think this cruelty is acceptable. you are right to put your foot down and not allow your sister or anyone else to abuse your fiancé under the guise of being helpful.	nta- um, why the fuck would they think they can tell the bride to wear anything over her dress?! especially as a “compromise”?! ummmmmmm who are they to dictate?! this makes me boil that they feel they can tell her to cover up her scar. jesus. disgusting.	nta. you and your fiancé are the only people with the right to invite or uninvite someone. and it’s not for your mother to offer a compromise on something that’s nothing to do with her or your sister. the best lesson i ever learned in my life was to put clear boundaries of when my family get a say in something in my life. and that boundary is never. cause it’s my life, not theirs. nta.	nta if your fiancée wants to wear a spaghetti strap wedding dress, then she has every right to. those who think it’s ok to gossip and make derogatory comments (including your sister) about her scar need a good look at themselves. your sister isn’t looking out for your fiancée, she’s looking out for herself because she is embarrassed “on behalf of your fiancée” who doesn’t care about it herself. side note: i think you mean concealer	nta. your sister was being malicious and hateful, not “helpful”. your mother further compounded the problem by suggesting your fiancé is “allowed” to keep the dress she selected if she covers it up with a shawl? your fiancé’s bodily autonomy is not a debate or democracy. your family was not asked for and does not get a vote. most importantly, nobody should be present at a wedding when they don’t actually accept the person being married for who they are - scar or no scar.	nta. if your sister is so upset about the scar that she feels the need to argue with the bride over the wedding dress, then she should absolutely not be welcome. at this rate she'd would definitely make comments about it at the wedding, and doesn't see how inappropriate that is. your mother's suggestion to "compromise" is rude as fuck too. thank you for being so supportive of your fiancee. i'm sure it's one of the many reasons she loves you! congrats btw!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my m27 fiancèe f25 has an obvious permanent burnscar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent) to pass away from injury. my fiancèe had a long recovery it's been 7 years. the scar is on her collarbone. it goes down her chest but isn't showing. unless she's wearing scoop/square tops. she often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. she puts this cream i don't know what ladies call it but it's supposed to tone skin color or something? i'm not sure but my fiancèe calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. i absolutely adore her she's pretty, smart, ambitious and the list goes on. what happened was unfortunate and i'm glad she's at peace with herself and more confident. my family love her. how can they not. she's a member of the family. my mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. however. my sister made comments about my fiancèe's scar several times. i've called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive comments. i told my fiancèe she had everyright to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family. our wedding is in february. my fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress. this is where the issue started: my fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister. i didn't see it but i was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. my fiancèe likes this stuff. anyways my sister saw it and went nuts she started criticising her choice and said that she should've gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar. she argued with my fiancèe about it. i went to my family's house and i confronted her. i yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a "proper" one so that guests won't focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic of conversation and gossip. i told her that she's not invited to our wedding. she isn't welcome to my wedding with this entitled attitude of hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. we argued for half an hour then i left. in exactly an hour. my mom and dad called and berated me saying my sister was crying after i uninvited her and that i had no right to univinte her. she's my sister and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any "unnecessary" drama at the wedding. my mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pridel shawl as a neutral solution. i stopped responding to my mom's calls and texts after that. family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again because this will make family look bad in front of outsiders and guests.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my m27 fiancèe f25 has an obvious permanent burnscar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent) to pass away from injury. my fiancèe had a long recovery it's been 7 years. the scar is on her collarbone. it goes down her chest but isn't showing. unless she's wearing scoop/square tops. she often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. she puts this cream i don't know what ladies call it but it's supposed to tone skin color or something? i'm not sure but my fiancèe calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. i absolutely adore her she's pretty, smart, ambitious and the list goes on. what happened was unfortunate and i'm glad she's at peace with herself and more confident. my family love her. how can they not. she's a member of the family. my mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. however. my sister made comments about my fiancèe's scar several times. i've called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive comments. i told my fiancèe she had everyright to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family. our wedding is in february. my fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress. this is where the issue started: my fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister. i didn't see it but i was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. my fiancèe likes this stuff. anyways my sister saw it and went nuts she started criticising her choice and said that she should've gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar. she argued with my fiancèe about it. i went to my family's house and i confronted her. i yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a "proper" one so that guests won't focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic of conversation and gossip. i told her that she's not invited to our wedding. she isn't welcome to my wedding with this entitled attitude of hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. we argued for half an hour then i left. in exactly an hour. my mom and dad called and berated me saying my sister was crying after i uninvited her and that i had no right to univinte her. she's my sister and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any "unnecessary" drama at the wedding. my mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pridel shawl as a neutral solution. i stopped responding to my mom's calls and texts after that. family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again because this will make family look bad in front of outsiders and guests. [/INST] nta. uninvite anyone who insults your fiancee, imo </s>
AITA for telling my brother in law that paternity tests aren't automatic		23,418	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gdr20t/aita_for_telling_my_brother_in_law_that_paternity/	2020-05-05 04:23:48	nta, personally i’d rather know and be told than live in the dark.	oh boy. nta because you didn’t do it on purpose so it’s literally impossible to be the ah. obviously the lying wife is the ah.	lmao nta is this real? i cannot. poor guy, somebody needed to tell him	nta. how the hell would you be the asshole? she's the one who cheated, christ. shooting the messenger. you didn't sabotage anything, you just said the truth. also, assuming this is true, his wife is a friggin idiot. what was the point in requesting a paternity test?	nta. so everybody suspected he was being cheated on and didn’t have the guts to tell him something was off until you mentioned? nope. his cheating spouse and everyone who kept this from him sucks.	nta- you literally just told him a factual story about your birth experience. that’s it. that’s what you did. the fact that there were extenuating circumstances that caused your bfs brother in law to come to a completely unrelated realization is absolutely not your fault or your problem. it’s not like you were intentionally trying to out his wife (which you’d arguably be justified in doing, albeit perhaps a bit nicer). you had no idea the wife was cheating. you just noted something strange about his comments and shared your relevant experience. he drew his own (correct) conclusions from that. frankly, i’m surprised he was finally able to figure out what that giant red cloth was doing, waving in his face.	nta. you're the least person to be the asshole here. obviously your brother-in-law had a lot of anxiety about being the father of the child, and for good reasons. their happiness was based on very fragile foundations if learning about of hospital works can destroy it. to blame you seems to be an easy way out for people who want to deviate from the matter at hand -- that has nothing to do with you. please don't let anyone make you the bad guy of this story, this wouldn't be healthy, for anyone.	[removed]	nta sounds like you did him a favor. but maybe get him something for him to get his mind off things. he is going through a rough time, he needs good family around him, and he seems to have very little of that naturally.	info: why are they upset with you? what’s their reasoning?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> [/INST] nta, personally i’d rather know and be told than live in the dark. </s>
AITA for evicting a tenant because they got pregnant?	yes, i know the title sounds awful, but please do hear me out before making a judgement. i will accept whatever judgement i’m given. i (30m) purchased a 3 bedroom condo in toronto, canada 5 years ago when i was in my second year of medical residency. soon after the purchase, i rented one of the rooms to my roommate (f29) to offset the costs of the mortgage. i live in one room, she lives in the second, and the third is my study/office. she has been a great roommate from the beginning. we aren’t necessarily friends (as in we don’t do things together for fun), but we get along exceptionally well. the entire roommate/tenant relationship has gone swimmingly up until recently. a couple of weeks ago, my roommate broke the news to me that she is pregnant. the father was a fling of hers, who does not want anything to do with the child. my roommate has decided she wants to keep the child anyways, and raise it on her own. to me that seems like a huge challenge, and i admire her for it. the issue is, while i don’t necessarily dislike children, i have no desire to live with a baby. while the condo is a fair size, i will most definitely be woken up by the babies crying at night. my condo is also where i like to come home to and relax, like a haven after a long work day, and the idea of coming home to a baby honestly seems absolutely chaotic. especially since this isn’t my own child (ie one that my girlfriend and i decided to have/was mentally prepared for). as difficult as it was for me to do this, i told my her essentially what i’ve written here, and that it would be best if she finds somewhere else to live. i am not rushing her out or anything like that, i have given her 6 month’s notice, since any later than that will come too close to the birth. she was honestly quite taken aback by this, and thought that i was being cruel. her primary concern is that rent has gone up substantially in this city since she signed on with me (i haven’t increased her rent since she moved in, so she’s essentially paying 2015 rent). she works as a waitress, and will likely need to find a lesser apartment to keep within the same budget. a couple of other considerations are that she was out of work while restaurants were closed, but i did waive her rent for that period. all of the furniture is also mine (aside from her bedroom), so she would need to figure something out on that front as well, aside from all of the child expenses. i understand her position, and i feel horrible about the situation, but i honestly can’t do it. aita for this?	23,348	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ikg117/aita_for_evicting_a_tenant_because_they_got/	2020-09-01 07:37:54	nta it's your home. you are allowed to live with who you want to. she's an adult. she has six months to figure out a new living arrangement.	nah. neither one is ah. op leased her room to a single person as originally intended. and now the tenant is going to bring in another human being, who will cry incessantly and require a lot of attention. it is a tough situation but op didn't sign for to be a backup momma.	nah. it will always seem counterintuitive to not call someone t a for 'evicting someone when they're pregnant'. however, you're not exactly throwing her out on the street to give birth in the gutter. you've been more than generous throughout her tenure by the sounds of it and you've given her plenty of warning to move out. her circumstances are changing through her own choices and that will impact negatively on you. she may have hoped you'd be ok with it, but she should never have assumed.	nta. there is no money or friendship in the world that would make me live with another baby. i've had two, and only stayed with them because they were mine. they suck.	nah. it’s your property and you can do with it as you like - within reason. you are living in the same building and don’t want to be disturbed by a newborn. six months is a huge period of time to find a new place to live.	nah this is an unfortunate situation for all but your reasons are valid and so are her worries. you mention you waived her rent when restaurants were closed and in a comment said that you can afford the place without a tenant. could you perhaps decrease the rent for the final six months to give her some extra opportunity to save? this is obviously not necessary to do, but might be something nice to do to help her out of it doesn't put you out too much?	if she's not super attached to her current employer, rent is way cheaper in hamilton. (i know because i live in hamilton but grew up in the gta). there are tons of restaurants downtown, we have a great food scene so i'm sure she could get a job here fairly easily. and her rent is more likely to match the value of the space she's living in than it would in toronto. i live downtown just a 5 min walk from the go station and it actually takes me less time to get to union from hamilton than it did from my parents place in r. hill. i hope she's able to find a good place soon! if hamilton is something that might work for her, message me and i don't mind helping her look for a place here!	i really dont understand people. i'm pregnant. my baby daddy isn't around. i dont have a job. i dont have savings. but i'll have this kid anyway cuz babies! /s nt	nta 6 months is generous	nah. it's your home, and you have the right, morally and legally, to decide whether or not you want to live with a baby. at the same time, she is not ta for deciding to have a baby. at worst, it was naive of her to take it for granted that she would be able to bring a baby into the household.	NTA	NAH	NAH	NTA	NAH	NAH	null	null	NTA	NAH	0.023639	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: yes, i know the title sounds awful, but please do hear me out before making a judgement. i will accept whatever judgement i’m given. i (30m) purchased a 3 bedroom condo in toronto, canada 5 years ago when i was in my second year of medical residency. soon after the purchase, i rented one of the rooms to my roommate (f29) to offset the costs of the mortgage. i live in one room, she lives in the second, and the third is my study/office. she has been a great roommate from the beginning. we aren’t necessarily friends (as in we don’t do things together for fun), but we get along exceptionally well. the entire roommate/tenant relationship has gone swimmingly up until recently. a couple of weeks ago, my roommate broke the news to me that she is pregnant. the father was a fling of hers, who does not want anything to do with the child. my roommate has decided she wants to keep the child anyways, and raise it on her own. to me that seems like a huge challenge, and i admire her for it. the issue is, while i don’t necessarily dislike children, i have no desire to live with a baby. while the condo is a fair size, i will most definitely be woken up by the babies crying at night. my condo is also where i like to come home to and relax, like a haven after a long work day, and the idea of coming home to a baby honestly seems absolutely chaotic. especially since this isn’t my own child (ie one that my girlfriend and i decided to have/was mentally prepared for). as difficult as it was for me to do this, i told my her essentially what i’ve written here, and that it would be best if she finds somewhere else to live. i am not rushing her out or anything like that, i have given her 6 month’s notice, since any later than that will come too close to the birth. she was honestly quite taken aback by this, and thought that i was being cruel. her primary concern is that rent has gone up substantially in this city since she signed on with me (i haven’t increased her rent since she moved in, so she’s essentially paying 2015 rent). she works as a waitress, and will likely need to find a lesser apartment to keep within the same budget. a couple of other considerations are that she was out of work while restaurants were closed, but i did waive her rent for that period. all of the furniture is also mine (aside from her bedroom), so she would need to figure something out on that front as well, aside from all of the child expenses. i understand her position, and i feel horrible about the situation, but i honestly can’t do it. aita for this?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> yes, i know the title sounds awful, but please do hear me out before making a judgement. i will accept whatever judgement i’m given. i (30m) purchased a 3 bedroom condo in toronto, canada 5 years ago when i was in my second year of medical residency. soon after the purchase, i rented one of the rooms to my roommate (f29) to offset the costs of the mortgage. i live in one room, she lives in the second, and the third is my study/office. she has been a great roommate from the beginning. we aren’t necessarily friends (as in we don’t do things together for fun), but we get along exceptionally well. the entire roommate/tenant relationship has gone swimmingly up until recently. a couple of weeks ago, my roommate broke the news to me that she is pregnant. the father was a fling of hers, who does not want anything to do with the child. my roommate has decided she wants to keep the child anyways, and raise it on her own. to me that seems like a huge challenge, and i admire her for it. the issue is, while i don’t necessarily dislike children, i have no desire to live with a baby. while the condo is a fair size, i will most definitely be woken up by the babies crying at night. my condo is also where i like to come home to and relax, like a haven after a long work day, and the idea of coming home to a baby honestly seems absolutely chaotic. especially since this isn’t my own child (ie one that my girlfriend and i decided to have/was mentally prepared for). as difficult as it was for me to do this, i told my her essentially what i’ve written here, and that it would be best if she finds somewhere else to live. i am not rushing her out or anything like that, i have given her 6 month’s notice, since any later than that will come too close to the birth. she was honestly quite taken aback by this, and thought that i was being cruel. her primary concern is that rent has gone up substantially in this city since she signed on with me (i haven’t increased her rent since she moved in, so she’s essentially paying 2015 rent). she works as a waitress, and will likely need to find a lesser apartment to keep within the same budget. a couple of other considerations are that she was out of work while restaurants were closed, but i did waive her rent for that period. all of the furniture is also mine (aside from her bedroom), so she would need to figure something out on that front as well, aside from all of the child expenses. i understand her position, and i feel horrible about the situation, but i honestly can’t do it. aita for this? [/INST] nta it's your home. you are allowed to live with who you want to. she's an adult. she has six months to figure out a new living arrangement. </s>
AITA for correcting every single sentence spoken by my boyfriend’s aunt in front of everyone?	i know the title looks pretty bad but hear me out! i’m a native french speaker from canada, but i have a very pronounced “acadian/chiac” accent. for those who don’t know, it’s pretty much a mix of french and english with some local dialect thrown in there. pretty common in the maritimes, where i still live. i’m perfectly bilingual in both languages. i started dating my boyfriend, who only speaks english, about 4 years ago and spend a lot of time with his family, they’ve all been really great, except for one of his aunts. she says she was a french teacher in anglophone schools for over 40 years up until a year ago and even studied in france, and she insists on only talking to me in french. i agreed at first since i didn’t want to be rude to his family but it’s getting super weird. i don’t understand how she was able to teach kids english or how she comes up with most of her sentence, like i have to guess 90% of whatever she says and hope i’m right because it makes absolutely no sense. (example: she said “a la citrouille la tarte va bien dans ma bouche” which roughly translates to “to the pumpkin a pie goes well in my mouth” when she meant “this pumpkin pie tastes delicious”) she constantly criticizes my “accent”. and tries to correct my pronunciation of certain words, and tells me i need to “pick a language” when i accidentally say something in chiac (speaking proper “français standard” is actually getting harder for me since i’ve been only studying/working in english). so last night during dinner she started going on about how acadians were uneducated and made no effort to properly learn a language, which is total bs, and obviously weirdly directed at me. for the rest of the night i stopped guessing what she was trying to say to me in french, acting like i didn’t understand anything, and started correcting her as well - which was pretty much every single sentence she said. i wasn’t trying to be rude or aggressive about it but after a while she gave up on the french and ignored me for the rest of the night. turns out she was super pissed and told everyone i was trying to embarrass her in front of everyone. looking back i think i might’ve taken it too far by not stopping after 2-3 sentences and i feel bad. my boyfriend said i was being bitchy while his mom said she probably deserved it. aita here?	23,338	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dv4je8/aita_for_correcting_every_single_sentence_spoken/	2019-11-12 03:59:05	nta and if things work out with the boyfriend, assuming he learns where his loyalties should lie, you will be getting a great mother in law.	this sub needs a new judgement - ja justified asshole. in a lot of cases you can be an a-hole but still not be the bad guy. sometimes people need to be put in their place and it can’t be done nicely.	sometimes i feel like on this sub the answer is yes, you were being a jerk but it was justified? not an "everyone sucks" kind of way, but in a "in this situation the other person was a dick and so you did something that may have been otherwise assholish to make a point." anyways for lack of a better way to state that nta - sure your method of getting her to knock it off was a little dickish, but it was well deserved.	nta - \raises fist\ "she started going on about how acadians were uneducated and made no effort to properly learn a language" maybe because the british demanded they murder their own countrymen or be expelled from the country. maybe embracing both languages is part of a sense of class solidarity this crabby woman will never understand. who friggin knows? but she sucks. i've lived in ontario for too many years to remember a smart-mouthed reply, but my moncton-born heart supports the living hell out of you.	nta shouldn't it be la tarte est delicieuse? ( my french is rusty) she is petty and shady either way	nta she started it and you simply showed her how wrong she was.	nta. she was unnecessary rude, and you called her on her ignorance. good for you.	esh but sometimes people deserve it. sounds like this aunt deserved it. remember you can be right and still be an asshole.	[deleted]	eh. nta. fuck her. you're from the land where she claims she's a fucking master and you spoke your motherland's tongue. and she dared to talk shit about your people. fuck her. fuck esh. you don't do that shit. that's like me going at a latinx person for having a thicker salvadorian accent but i can't speak spanish fluently worth of shit. it's disrespectful and god damn it. i'm happy you stoop down to her level. yeah you were being bitchy. bitchy happens when you act ugly to a person. huh. imagine that.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	null	NTA	0.01744	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know the title looks pretty bad but hear me out! i’m a native french speaker from canada, but i have a very pronounced “acadian/chiac” accent. for those who don’t know, it’s pretty much a mix of french and english with some local dialect thrown in there. pretty common in the maritimes, where i still live. i’m perfectly bilingual in both languages. i started dating my boyfriend, who only speaks english, about 4 years ago and spend a lot of time with his family, they’ve all been really great, except for one of his aunts. she says she was a french teacher in anglophone schools for over 40 years up until a year ago and even studied in france, and she insists on only talking to me in french. i agreed at first since i didn’t want to be rude to his family but it’s getting super weird. i don’t understand how she was able to teach kids english or how she comes up with most of her sentence, like i have to guess 90% of whatever she says and hope i’m right because it makes absolutely no sense. (example: she said “a la citrouille la tarte va bien dans ma bouche” which roughly translates to “to the pumpkin a pie goes well in my mouth” when she meant “this pumpkin pie tastes delicious”) she constantly criticizes my “accent”. and tries to correct my pronunciation of certain words, and tells me i need to “pick a language” when i accidentally say something in chiac (speaking proper “français standard” is actually getting harder for me since i’ve been only studying/working in english). so last night during dinner she started going on about how acadians were uneducated and made no effort to properly learn a language, which is total bs, and obviously weirdly directed at me. for the rest of the night i stopped guessing what she was trying to say to me in french, acting like i didn’t understand anything, and started correcting her as well - which was pretty much every single sentence she said. i wasn’t trying to be rude or aggressive about it but after a while she gave up on the french and ignored me for the rest of the night. turns out she was super pissed and told everyone i was trying to embarrass her in front of everyone. looking back i think i might’ve taken it too far by not stopping after 2-3 sentences and i feel bad. my boyfriend said i was being bitchy while his mom said she probably deserved it. aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i know the title looks pretty bad but hear me out! i’m a native french speaker from canada, but i have a very pronounced “acadian/chiac” accent. for those who don’t know, it’s pretty much a mix of french and english with some local dialect thrown in there. pretty common in the maritimes, where i still live. i’m perfectly bilingual in both languages. i started dating my boyfriend, who only speaks english, about 4 years ago and spend a lot of time with his family, they’ve all been really great, except for one of his aunts. she says she was a french teacher in anglophone schools for over 40 years up until a year ago and even studied in france, and she insists on only talking to me in french. i agreed at first since i didn’t want to be rude to his family but it’s getting super weird. i don’t understand how she was able to teach kids english or how she comes up with most of her sentence, like i have to guess 90% of whatever she says and hope i’m right because it makes absolutely no sense. (example: she said “a la citrouille la tarte va bien dans ma bouche” which roughly translates to “to the pumpkin a pie goes well in my mouth” when she meant “this pumpkin pie tastes delicious”) she constantly criticizes my “accent”. and tries to correct my pronunciation of certain words, and tells me i need to “pick a language” when i accidentally say something in chiac (speaking proper “français standard” is actually getting harder for me since i’ve been only studying/working in english). so last night during dinner she started going on about how acadians were uneducated and made no effort to properly learn a language, which is total bs, and obviously weirdly directed at me. for the rest of the night i stopped guessing what she was trying to say to me in french, acting like i didn’t understand anything, and started correcting her as well - which was pretty much every single sentence she said. i wasn’t trying to be rude or aggressive about it but after a while she gave up on the french and ignored me for the rest of the night. turns out she was super pissed and told everyone i was trying to embarrass her in front of everyone. looking back i think i might’ve taken it too far by not stopping after 2-3 sentences and i feel bad. my boyfriend said i was being bitchy while his mom said she probably deserved it. aita here? [/INST] nta and if things work out with the boyfriend, assuming he learns where his loyalties should lie, you will be getting a great mother in law. </s>
AITA for leaving the restaurant after my bf refused to pay for my meal?	i had lent my bf some money few weeks ago because of something he needed and he promised to pay me back asap. he was supposed to pay me back 5 days ago but something came up and he didn't. i tried to be patient. yesterday we had planned to go out with some friends at night for dinner. yesterday after i came back from work i was robbed in the bus and i had all my money and cards stolen. i cancelled my cards but the bank customer service told me my new card with my new details (both physical card and the digital details for apple pay) would be available the following morning because the banks were closed that afternoon. so i had no money. when we went to dinner with my bf and friends i told my bf if he could just pay me back the money or at least pay for my meal since i have no money. he didn't exactly say yes or no, just a simple "don't worry". as we ordered he only ordered for himself and told me that he can't cover for mine at the moment so i better not order anything and just have some bites from his meal. i was so mad and frustrated because he had promised to give me back the money, he then claimed something came up and couldn't give them back but then ordered a nice meal for himself and just told me to get his scraps because he wouldn't pay me back or at least for my meal. i'd be the only one sitting there with no meal in front of me. i said this is ridiculous and i got up and left. our friends now believe it was very low of me to get up and leave and how i should just be polite and stay there. i can't quite understand that logic but is there any way i am ta?	23,322	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w8fz5t/aita_for_leaving_the_restaurant_after_my_bf/	2022-07-26 10:13:18	nta. you may want to consider your relationship here. did you tell your friends or bf that you were robbed? if yes and they acted like this then they are not your friends. edit typo and nta ruling. wow, maybe i should go study for my (fake) law degree. 😁 to individuals thinking i'm actually studying for the bar, it was a joke. i only qualify for reddit judgements, even then i could be wrong.😊	excuse me, your friends said what? omg i would be fuming. your boyfriend completely humiliated you and your friends, who were there, don't see this is a problem? dump the boyfriend and the friends, nta.	excuse me, what? walk out of that restaurant,and his life. you shouldn't have had to ask him to pay for you in the first place if he was aware you had lost all your belongings. and saying "don't worry" implies he'll take care of it. jeez. leave him and don't look back.	[removed]	nta. after just being robbed, most behaviour is a bit forgivable honestly, so you could have been far worse and i'd still say nta. considering you had just been robbed, even if he didn't owe you money i think he should have bought you dinner. hell, i think your friends should have offered too. it's an unusual situation to be in and a bit of a traumatic one and it's clear you weren't trying to mooch off anyone. offering you a few bites of his meal was shocking behaviour. even if he was skint, which his meal choice suggests he wasn't, he could have ordered something small and got you something similar, ordered a larger plate and split it in half or offered to not eat in solidarity with you and eaten somewhere cheaper with you. so many options were open apart from the one he chose. edit for grammar.	he owed you money! he should have paid your meal and not had one himself!!!! this man is not worthy of being your boyfriend, and frankly unless the friends didn’t know the truth of the situation, they are awful also. nta	nta you deserve so much better. telling you to not worry and then tell you that a bite of his food would be fine is such an ahole move.	nta. your bf doesn't appear to have any intention of paying you back; if he could afford a nice meal for himself, he could have afforded to pay you what he owes you.	[removed]	nta. how was that low of you? geez, looks like you need a new circle of friends and a new boyfriend. this is grade a unreliable and your friends are cool with him being an ah but not with you leaving after he literally told you "not to worry"? unbelievable.	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had lent my bf some money few weeks ago because of something he needed and he promised to pay me back asap. he was supposed to pay me back 5 days ago but something came up and he didn't. i tried to be patient. yesterday we had planned to go out with some friends at night for dinner. yesterday after i came back from work i was robbed in the bus and i had all my money and cards stolen. i cancelled my cards but the bank customer service told me my new card with my new details (both physical card and the digital details for apple pay) would be available the following morning because the banks were closed that afternoon. so i had no money. when we went to dinner with my bf and friends i told my bf if he could just pay me back the money or at least pay for my meal since i have no money. he didn't exactly say yes or no, just a simple "don't worry". as we ordered he only ordered for himself and told me that he can't cover for mine at the moment so i better not order anything and just have some bites from his meal. i was so mad and frustrated because he had promised to give me back the money, he then claimed something came up and couldn't give them back but then ordered a nice meal for himself and just told me to get his scraps because he wouldn't pay me back or at least for my meal. i'd be the only one sitting there with no meal in front of me. i said this is ridiculous and i got up and left. our friends now believe it was very low of me to get up and leave and how i should just be polite and stay there. i can't quite understand that logic but is there any way i am ta?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i had lent my bf some money few weeks ago because of something he needed and he promised to pay me back asap. he was supposed to pay me back 5 days ago but something came up and he didn't. i tried to be patient. yesterday we had planned to go out with some friends at night for dinner. yesterday after i came back from work i was robbed in the bus and i had all my money and cards stolen. i cancelled my cards but the bank customer service told me my new card with my new details (both physical card and the digital details for apple pay) would be available the following morning because the banks were closed that afternoon. so i had no money. when we went to dinner with my bf and friends i told my bf if he could just pay me back the money or at least pay for my meal since i have no money. he didn't exactly say yes or no, just a simple "don't worry". as we ordered he only ordered for himself and told me that he can't cover for mine at the moment so i better not order anything and just have some bites from his meal. i was so mad and frustrated because he had promised to give me back the money, he then claimed something came up and couldn't give them back but then ordered a nice meal for himself and just told me to get his scraps because he wouldn't pay me back or at least for my meal. i'd be the only one sitting there with no meal in front of me. i said this is ridiculous and i got up and left. our friends now believe it was very low of me to get up and leave and how i should just be polite and stay there. i can't quite understand that logic but is there any way i am ta? [/INST] nta. you may want to consider your relationship here. did you tell your friends or bf that you were robbed? if yes and they acted like this then they are not your friends. edit typo and nta ruling. wow, maybe i should go study for my (fake) law degree. 😁 to individuals thinking i'm actually studying for the bar, it was a joke. i only qualify for reddit judgements, even then i could be wrong.😊 </s>
AITA for refusing to be in my father's wedding even tho I "cheated too"?	a story as old as time. my (f27) father (50) cheated on my mother for 5 years with a younger woman(currently 32) and he left my mother when mistress got pregnant. it tore our family apart. i resent my father because my mother actually loved him and she is still dealing with this. even 1 year after he left her. i stayed on okay terms with him because i was the one to pick up and drop off my younger brother at his place. last week when i picked up my brother my father had big news. he proposed to his girlfriend and wanted me as his best (wo)man. it made me kinda mad ngl. but i kept calm... and told him no. he said that what happened between him and mom was none of our business and that i should respect his new relationship. i said i respect it but that doesn't mean i condone it. obviously i would never hound him randomly about it but i don't approve of it and i don't like her. she knew the whole time my mom and we existed . well my dad was having none of it and told me to get off my high horse because i had cheated too and i had no right. and i.... guess? when i was 17 i was with this boy for 3 months. i went to a party got shit faced and made out with a classmate for a total of 10 minutes. i felt so bad that i called my boyfriend crying and we talked it out. we broke up. i told my dad and in 10 years i never did something like that again. i have been with my partner for 5 years. i told him he could not equate it at all. he called me a hypocrite. and that he was glad to know who i am. driving home i felt like i was a bit harsh. he is still my father and he is not a bad father. i just don't want to be in his wedding. i would still go. but aita,?	23,293	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihjphi/aita_for_refusing_to_be_in_my_fathers_wedding/	2020-08-27 11:59:39	nta. you kissed another guy once when you were still a kid. your dad hid the fact that he's been screwing another woman, did it for 5 years, and knocked her up. the situations aren't even comparable. your dad is trying to manipulate you by saying "you cheated too". the situations are not the same. he's the asshole.	nta you were 17 and made a drunken bad decision for ten minutes, then felt horrible about it. he was in his 40s with a wife and children, made a calculated horrible decision for five years, and doesn’t seem to feel bad or accept responsibility. not the same thing at all.	[removed]	nta. it's perfectly reasonable not want to support the relationship that your father broke your family with. and there's also no comparison between a teenager hooking up with someone at a party, and a grown ass man betraying his family. tell your dad where to stick it.	nta - the difference between what your father did and what you did is similar to the difference between a 4 year old kid grabbing a candy bar in the store and getting caught versus a grown-ass adult holding the place up at gunpoint. not only is he a ah for deliberately cheating and hiding this from your mother for years, he's also a manipulative ah for attempting to make you think that what you did was in any way comparable to what he did.	[removed]	nta. getting drunk and doing something stupid at 17 in no way equates to having an affair while married with children, and it's pretty shitty that he'd try to throw that at you. you're not required to like or support a parent who does something terrible.	nta - he committed himself to your mother for the rest of his life, your “cheating” incident happened in a non serious relationship and you even told the truth about it in the end. your father is trying to justify his own actions by making your “cheating” seem to be on par with his when it is not. it makes total sense that you don’t want to be in a wedding that represents the fallout of your childhood family. your father sounds like a manipulative prick sorry to say	nta making out with someone while drunk as a teenager does not equate to ruining a whole family.	maybe your father wants you to be best (wo)man because nobody else wants to or approves either. boomer thinks your father is getting desperate. nta	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a story as old as time. my (f27) father (50) cheated on my mother for 5 years with a younger woman(currently 32) and he left my mother when mistress got pregnant. it tore our family apart. i resent my father because my mother actually loved him and she is still dealing with this. even 1 year after he left her. i stayed on okay terms with him because i was the one to pick up and drop off my younger brother at his place. last week when i picked up my brother my father had big news. he proposed to his girlfriend and wanted me as his best (wo)man. it made me kinda mad ngl. but i kept calm... and told him no. he said that what happened between him and mom was none of our business and that i should respect his new relationship. i said i respect it but that doesn't mean i condone it. obviously i would never hound him randomly about it but i don't approve of it and i don't like her. she knew the whole time my mom and we existed . well my dad was having none of it and told me to get off my high horse because i had cheated too and i had no right. and i.... guess? when i was 17 i was with this boy for 3 months. i went to a party got shit faced and made out with a classmate for a total of 10 minutes. i felt so bad that i called my boyfriend crying and we talked it out. we broke up. i told my dad and in 10 years i never did something like that again. i have been with my partner for 5 years. i told him he could not equate it at all. he called me a hypocrite. and that he was glad to know who i am. driving home i felt like i was a bit harsh. he is still my father and he is not a bad father. i just don't want to be in his wedding. i would still go. but aita,?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> a story as old as time. my (f27) father (50) cheated on my mother for 5 years with a younger woman(currently 32) and he left my mother when mistress got pregnant. it tore our family apart. i resent my father because my mother actually loved him and she is still dealing with this. even 1 year after he left her. i stayed on okay terms with him because i was the one to pick up and drop off my younger brother at his place. last week when i picked up my brother my father had big news. he proposed to his girlfriend and wanted me as his best (wo)man. it made me kinda mad ngl. but i kept calm... and told him no. he said that what happened between him and mom was none of our business and that i should respect his new relationship. i said i respect it but that doesn't mean i condone it. obviously i would never hound him randomly about it but i don't approve of it and i don't like her. she knew the whole time my mom and we existed . well my dad was having none of it and told me to get off my high horse because i had cheated too and i had no right. and i.... guess? when i was 17 i was with this boy for 3 months. i went to a party got shit faced and made out with a classmate for a total of 10 minutes. i felt so bad that i called my boyfriend crying and we talked it out. we broke up. i told my dad and in 10 years i never did something like that again. i have been with my partner for 5 years. i told him he could not equate it at all. he called me a hypocrite. and that he was glad to know who i am. driving home i felt like i was a bit harsh. he is still my father and he is not a bad father. i just don't want to be in his wedding. i would still go. but aita,? [/INST] nta. you kissed another guy once when you were still a kid. your dad hid the fact that he's been screwing another woman, did it for 5 years, and knocked her up. the situations aren't even comparable. your dad is trying to manipulate you by saying "you cheated too". the situations are not the same. he's the asshole. </s>
AITA for refusing to help my partner financially?	i(43f) have been with my partner(50m) for 6 years now. we have been living together for 5 of them. we are not married and we do not plan to marry in the future. i have a son(19m) that is currently a highschool senior. my partner has a daughter(21f) who is going to college. the background you need to understand the issue: when i met my partner i was a widow of 3 years. i am lucky enough to have a very lucrative business and some family money. also my late husband left a substantial estate, including the house we live in. the house is a family home so it passed to my son as the only heir. my partner also makes good money and the difference in our lifestyles was pretty much negligible. but while i and my late husband made sure to not spoil our son (he was responsible for keeping his room clean even though we have a house keeper, he had chores during the weekends, we taught him how to cook, his allowance is reasonable, he has to save for expensive purchases like a car, a ps5...etc). my current partner and his ex-wife spoil their daughter rotten. due to an incident when we first moved in together (she demanded my son's bedroom since it was the second biggest, got rejected since it was his home and she only spends the weekend), and after some family therapy we agreed that she will be treated like a guest by me. she will have to follow the house rules and that it the extent of our relationship. now while she is spoiled she is a good girl, academically excellent, except for the aforementioned incident very respectful and just a pleasant young woman. the probelm is that i did not know the extent to which my partner spent money on her. he pays some money as "rent" that i put into my son's college fund and we split the common bills in half. everything else is our own responsibility so we don't know much about each other's finances. now my son is planning to do a tour of east asia during the summer and i was happy to give him the money to do so (as a gift for getting into a very prestigious college). when my stepdaughter heard about it she asked her dad to pay for a tour of europe since he didn't send her on one after she got into college. he agreed because he never says no, but he came to me asking me to lend him close to $30k because he can't afford the trip on his own. i am not even giving that much to my son and his plane tickets are more expensive. i refused. i said that since this wasn't an emergency he can save and send her on the trip after she graduates college. now he is not talking to me, saying that i am chosing favourites (i have no relationship with his daughter so i don't know how that even is applicable) and that i am putting money over his happiness and relationship with his daughter. so aita? i can easily afford to lend him the full amount i just don't want to, because his reasons are not convincing enough.	23,285	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/udy594/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_partner_financially/	2022-04-28 15:51:26	nta. wtf. my first european vacation was when i was 31 years old and cost a total of roughly $2500 including airfare. jesus christ.	nta. congratulations to your son for doing well and getting into a great school! traveling is such a great experience for the soul! however, your partner is super out of touch. good luck.	nta. $30k for a vacation?!!?? that’s a year’s rent at $2500/month. that’s insane. if he’s not talking to you, then count your blessings.	nta. to clear this up- your son wants to go on a trip and you offered to pay as a gift for his hard work. a+ parenting and also being a cool parent. because of this, your partners daughter felt entitled to a trip. which happens to cost twice as much for some reason (i don't really know if its double but whatever) however, your partner cannot afford the trip. so instead of being an adult and telling his daughter. giving her the option of a cheaper trip, she pitch in, or waiting while he saves. your partner thinks it makes more sense to demand 30 grand from you. that about sums it up? i- i can't even fathom what your partner is thinking. does saying no once, seriously mean his daughter will love him less? he sees no issue with having a transactional relationship with his child? was this not the wake up call he needs to see how toxic the relationship he has with his daughter is? please, let me know if i missed anything. because i don't know how your partner could be an even bigger ass but i'm sure he'll suprise us and you at this rate.	in your split financial setup, you aren't 'playing favorites'. you are giving your son a gift. he can give his daughter a similar gift if he chooses, but it'd be on him to pay for it. this makes my head hurt. obviously things would be different if you had shared finances, but you don't. hard nta.	info generally, you pay for your son and he pays for his daughter? i'm inclined to nta. you haven't combined your finances. it's your money, you get to do what you want.	nta what in the world?? how/why would a trip around europe cost that much for a college-aged person?? eurrail pass and stay in hostels!! also your boyfriend should ask his ex-wife about helping to fund this extravagant trip that he clearly can't afford before asking you. or he should just say no and get a spine.	nta your his partner not a bank atm. he needs to live within his means and if he wants to spoil his daughter he can do it on his own dime. $30k for a trip to europe for a 21 year old is ridiculous.	nta. you have separate finances and your kids are separate. this is not your problem. also, the fact he needs a loan is a red flag concerning whether he is preparing for retirement or planning for you to pay for it. this is a good limit to set as it makes clear that he truly is responsible for his own finances.	nta, you response was very reasonable. if he wants to spend big bucks on his daughter then he can save to do so.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(43f) have been with my partner(50m) for 6 years now. we have been living together for 5 of them. we are not married and we do not plan to marry in the future. i have a son(19m) that is currently a highschool senior. my partner has a daughter(21f) who is going to college. the background you need to understand the issue: when i met my partner i was a widow of 3 years. i am lucky enough to have a very lucrative business and some family money. also my late husband left a substantial estate, including the house we live in. the house is a family home so it passed to my son as the only heir. my partner also makes good money and the difference in our lifestyles was pretty much negligible. but while i and my late husband made sure to not spoil our son (he was responsible for keeping his room clean even though we have a house keeper, he had chores during the weekends, we taught him how to cook, his allowance is reasonable, he has to save for expensive purchases like a car, a ps5...etc). my current partner and his ex-wife spoil their daughter rotten. due to an incident when we first moved in together (she demanded my son's bedroom since it was the second biggest, got rejected since it was his home and she only spends the weekend), and after some family therapy we agreed that she will be treated like a guest by me. she will have to follow the house rules and that it the extent of our relationship. now while she is spoiled she is a good girl, academically excellent, except for the aforementioned incident very respectful and just a pleasant young woman. the probelm is that i did not know the extent to which my partner spent money on her. he pays some money as "rent" that i put into my son's college fund and we split the common bills in half. everything else is our own responsibility so we don't know much about each other's finances. now my son is planning to do a tour of east asia during the summer and i was happy to give him the money to do so (as a gift for getting into a very prestigious college). when my stepdaughter heard about it she asked her dad to pay for a tour of europe since he didn't send her on one after she got into college. he agreed because he never says no, but he came to me asking me to lend him close to $30k because he can't afford the trip on his own. i am not even giving that much to my son and his plane tickets are more expensive. i refused. i said that since this wasn't an emergency he can save and send her on the trip after she graduates college. now he is not talking to me, saying that i am chosing favourites (i have no relationship with his daughter so i don't know how that even is applicable) and that i am putting money over his happiness and relationship with his daughter. so aita? i can easily afford to lend him the full amount i just don't want to, because his reasons are not convincing enough.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i(43f) have been with my partner(50m) for 6 years now. we have been living together for 5 of them. we are not married and we do not plan to marry in the future. i have a son(19m) that is currently a highschool senior. my partner has a daughter(21f) who is going to college. the background you need to understand the issue: when i met my partner i was a widow of 3 years. i am lucky enough to have a very lucrative business and some family money. also my late husband left a substantial estate, including the house we live in. the house is a family home so it passed to my son as the only heir. my partner also makes good money and the difference in our lifestyles was pretty much negligible. but while i and my late husband made sure to not spoil our son (he was responsible for keeping his room clean even though we have a house keeper, he had chores during the weekends, we taught him how to cook, his allowance is reasonable, he has to save for expensive purchases like a car, a ps5...etc). my current partner and his ex-wife spoil their daughter rotten. due to an incident when we first moved in together (she demanded my son's bedroom since it was the second biggest, got rejected since it was his home and she only spends the weekend), and after some family therapy we agreed that she will be treated like a guest by me. she will have to follow the house rules and that it the extent of our relationship. now while she is spoiled she is a good girl, academically excellent, except for the aforementioned incident very respectful and just a pleasant young woman. the probelm is that i did not know the extent to which my partner spent money on her. he pays some money as "rent" that i put into my son's college fund and we split the common bills in half. everything else is our own responsibility so we don't know much about each other's finances. now my son is planning to do a tour of east asia during the summer and i was happy to give him the money to do so (as a gift for getting into a very prestigious college). when my stepdaughter heard about it she asked her dad to pay for a tour of europe since he didn't send her on one after she got into college. he agreed because he never says no, but he came to me asking me to lend him close to $30k because he can't afford the trip on his own. i am not even giving that much to my son and his plane tickets are more expensive. i refused. i said that since this wasn't an emergency he can save and send her on the trip after she graduates college. now he is not talking to me, saying that i am chosing favourites (i have no relationship with his daughter so i don't know how that even is applicable) and that i am putting money over his happiness and relationship with his daughter. so aita? i can easily afford to lend him the full amount i just don't want to, because his reasons are not convincing enough. [/INST] nta. wtf. my first european vacation was when i was 31 years old and cost a total of roughly $2500 including airfare. jesus christ. </s>
AITA for ignoring my mom asking me to get involved with her new family after I got rich?	my mom left my dad when i was 17 (i’m 29 now) and had a new boyfriend literally straight away. we all suspected that she was cheating with this dude beforehand but there was never any proof and she even to this day refuses to admit it. she had 2 more kids with this guy. when my mom and dad broke up i moved out to live with my dad who had moved back in with his parents. the major reason for this was because she told me to leave as i kept fighting with her new dude. i really did not want to deal with a new guy in my moms life and i was really upset that she didn’t give a shit about how much pain my dad was in. when she told me to leave...something in me changed and i am still unable to forgive her. that solidified bc my 14 year old sister stayed with my mom for a year and then begged to come and live with my dad because she hated it so much at my moms place. and my sister and mom were close so for my sister to feel that way it must have been bad. since i was 18 my grandparents kept pushing me to start a business bc i like to tinker and had built a few specialised tools for a niche construction industry that my dad was in and they saw potential in me. they gave me a lot of money as an investment (actually they re mortgaged their house that’s much they believed in me) and basically, i majorly lucked out and managed to land some national contracts at 24 that turned into more than a few millions of dollars over a few months when the business boomed. the profit trajectory has risen since then and basically, i’m living a life i never thought would be for a shmuck like me. i moved my dad, sister, and grandparents out to the east coast a couple years back and we’ve started a new life. i am surrounded by people who see and saw the best in me and i’m grateful so much bc i was seriously messed up after my mom blew our family apart. for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. she is getting increasingly more insistent that i go visit her and her boyfriend and kids and keeps trying to guilt trip me because my sister has a much more privileged life now and my younger two half siblings don’t. she keeps telling me that ‘even if i don’t forgive her i should look out for the kids as they’re innocent in all this’ aita because day to day i have no interest in helping her or her family? imo she made her bed and she can lay in it but the guilt eats me alive sometimes. i just can’t forgive her though.	23,284	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bnr2gy/aita_for_ignoring_my_mom_asking_me_to_get/	2019-05-12 16:48:26	nta. >for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. your mom had no interest in a relationship with you until it would benefit her and her "new" family. if you want to set your half-siblings up with a college fund (that your mom can't touch), go for it. if not, don't, and quit feeling guilty about it. your mom made this mess and you have no obligation to her. you have no reason to feel guilty for your success.	nta. and wealth has nothing to do with this. she disconnected from you when you were young and apparently created a toxic environment for your sister--and now she wants to re-connect. frankly i wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole, because you already know how this will play out, right? she's looking at you to help her out of a life of her own making after shoving you away--so if only for your own sanity, i'd stay far away.	nta it's her job to look out for her kids. consider going no contact... she only wants your money.	nta it’s unfortunate for her other kids that they have her as a mother, but you can always advise her to support those kids like your dad and grandparents supported you if she wants them to be successful. i mean i understand that those kids are half siblings, but you weren’t raised with them. they are strangers to you. it would be no different than if you had been given up for adoption and later found your mom and half sibs. sharing dna does not make a family.	nta yea, your half siblings are innocent in all of this but you're not actively harming them. it's your money, you get to take care of who you want to take care of. if you don't feel enough of a connection with them to 'look out' for them in some way then you don't have to. it was your mother's responsibility to forge a bond between you and your half sibling, she failed at that. if anyone hurt innocents here it was her. she doesn't get to guilt you for hurting innocents when she's the one who caused harm. they're her kids it no one else's job to 'look out for them'.	nta. your mom sees an atm in you and she's hoping to be able to cash in on your success. don't feel guilty.	nta. congrats on your success. you do not owe her anything.	nta - you really shouldn't help out her and her family. and can we talk for a second about the whole, "the kids are innocent in all this" phrase that i've heard more than a few times on here? i feel like that phrase is being used to rationalize all kinds of bs. i see it being used in cases where somebody has no obligation to specific kids and is expected to give up a lot or turn their lives upside down for their benefit.	nta at all. congrats on having a family who believes in you and being successful in your career. that said, it’s your career, your money, and your closest family. you have no obligation to any of them (besides paying your grandparents back) and do everything because you want to, which is so lovely and kind. your half siblings live with their parents and by your account, aren’t starving or in need. you don’t need to do anything. enjoy your life and surround yourself by people who love and support you. i’d suggest having a script for when your mom starts in on this. something like ‘we’re not going to discuss finances or what you feel is unfair between the siblings. if you can’t agree to that, we can say goodbye today and chat another day.’ if she keeps going, hang up!! hold to the line!! it’ll feel rude but demanding someone else’s money is actually the rude thing.	nta. those are her children not yours. you owe nothing to them or her. she chose to have kids with her new man so she should expect to take care of them herself.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom left my dad when i was 17 (i’m 29 now) and had a new boyfriend literally straight away. we all suspected that she was cheating with this dude beforehand but there was never any proof and she even to this day refuses to admit it. she had 2 more kids with this guy. when my mom and dad broke up i moved out to live with my dad who had moved back in with his parents. the major reason for this was because she told me to leave as i kept fighting with her new dude. i really did not want to deal with a new guy in my moms life and i was really upset that she didn’t give a shit about how much pain my dad was in. when she told me to leave...something in me changed and i am still unable to forgive her. that solidified bc my 14 year old sister stayed with my mom for a year and then begged to come and live with my dad because she hated it so much at my moms place. and my sister and mom were close so for my sister to feel that way it must have been bad. since i was 18 my grandparents kept pushing me to start a business bc i like to tinker and had built a few specialised tools for a niche construction industry that my dad was in and they saw potential in me. they gave me a lot of money as an investment (actually they re mortgaged their house that’s much they believed in me) and basically, i majorly lucked out and managed to land some national contracts at 24 that turned into more than a few millions of dollars over a few months when the business boomed. the profit trajectory has risen since then and basically, i’m living a life i never thought would be for a shmuck like me. i moved my dad, sister, and grandparents out to the east coast a couple years back and we’ve started a new life. i am surrounded by people who see and saw the best in me and i’m grateful so much bc i was seriously messed up after my mom blew our family apart. for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. she is getting increasingly more insistent that i go visit her and her boyfriend and kids and keeps trying to guilt trip me because my sister has a much more privileged life now and my younger two half siblings don’t. she keeps telling me that ‘even if i don’t forgive her i should look out for the kids as they’re innocent in all this’ aita because day to day i have no interest in helping her or her family? imo she made her bed and she can lay in it but the guilt eats me alive sometimes. i just can’t forgive her though.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my mom left my dad when i was 17 (i’m 29 now) and had a new boyfriend literally straight away. we all suspected that she was cheating with this dude beforehand but there was never any proof and she even to this day refuses to admit it. she had 2 more kids with this guy. when my mom and dad broke up i moved out to live with my dad who had moved back in with his parents. the major reason for this was because she told me to leave as i kept fighting with her new dude. i really did not want to deal with a new guy in my moms life and i was really upset that she didn’t give a shit about how much pain my dad was in. when she told me to leave...something in me changed and i am still unable to forgive her. that solidified bc my 14 year old sister stayed with my mom for a year and then begged to come and live with my dad because she hated it so much at my moms place. and my sister and mom were close so for my sister to feel that way it must have been bad. since i was 18 my grandparents kept pushing me to start a business bc i like to tinker and had built a few specialised tools for a niche construction industry that my dad was in and they saw potential in me. they gave me a lot of money as an investment (actually they re mortgaged their house that’s much they believed in me) and basically, i majorly lucked out and managed to land some national contracts at 24 that turned into more than a few millions of dollars over a few months when the business boomed. the profit trajectory has risen since then and basically, i’m living a life i never thought would be for a shmuck like me. i moved my dad, sister, and grandparents out to the east coast a couple years back and we’ve started a new life. i am surrounded by people who see and saw the best in me and i’m grateful so much bc i was seriously messed up after my mom blew our family apart. for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. she is getting increasingly more insistent that i go visit her and her boyfriend and kids and keeps trying to guilt trip me because my sister has a much more privileged life now and my younger two half siblings don’t. she keeps telling me that ‘even if i don’t forgive her i should look out for the kids as they’re innocent in all this’ aita because day to day i have no interest in helping her or her family? imo she made her bed and she can lay in it but the guilt eats me alive sometimes. i just can’t forgive her though. [/INST] nta. >for the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. your mom had no interest in a relationship with you until it would benefit her and her "new" family. if you want to set your half-siblings up with a college fund (that your mom can't touch), go for it. if not, don't, and quit feeling guilty about it. your mom made this mess and you have no obligation to her. you have no reason to feel guilty for your success. </s>
AITA for 'going off' on a mother in the toy store	i'm (28m) my brothers care taker (21m mental age 7-8), our parents decided at 18 to tell us to screw off, so when my brother (let's call him bill) turned 18 i grabbed him and enrolled him to get his ged since he didn't finish highschool, and take care of him. his chores are too clean his room, help with laundry and set the table for supper. i get paid by the state and you better believe i make sure his needs are met. he's my little bud. at the end of the month for each day he does his chores he gets a sticker, at the end of the month that sticker gets counted as 5$ and he uses the money for whatever he wants. like toys, special snacks etc. he loves this. he's been so good lately with chores i took him out for burgers and fries and took him to the toy store. my brother is big. not fat, just tall and actually big boned (he's healthy weight and overall health), he gets excited and stims by flapping his hands, you do you little dude. at the toystore he announced he wants barbie's, cool, no judgement, and we go look at barbies. he's stimming and rambling about what he wanted and meanwhile a lady and little girl come in the aisle. not even two minutes pass and the lady tells us to go to another aisle, she wants to look at the dolls and his weird hand movements are freaking her out. i tell her to wait her turn. not even another minute passes and she tells my brother to knock it off and go look at something else. now i'm pissed. i tell my brother to get what he wants and looked at her and told her, her daughter could use a better role model, i'd hate for her to turn into such a grouchy hag. took my brother out to pay for his barbies all while ignoring her telling me how much of an asshole i am for saying that in front of her daughter. aita?	23,282	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l8ej2y/aita_for_going_off_on_a_mother_in_the_toy_store/	2021-01-30 05:12:49	nta. if she was so freaked out, she could find a different aisle. she's raising her child to consider people with disabilities as scary or abnormal, and that's just shitty parenting. unless your brother was saying or doing something inappropriate, she had no right to ask him to leave.	nta you were a lot more polite than i would have been. also, you sound like a wonderful brother!	nta king, i have so much respect for you. you handle your brother's care excellently, and also don't buy into the whole gendered toys bullshit and let him get what he wants regardless. keep doing you, and all the best to you and your bro.	nta, people should be more considerate of others... kindness goes a long way. good for you for taking care of your brother. need more of this in our world.	nta one bit, i suggest hero. i can’t even believe she acted that way since there were obvious indications of your brothers state. regardless, it’s a public place, she has no authority to tell you where you can and cannot be. if her daughter is getting freaked out by noticing someone with a disability, it’s her mother’s job to inform her that you cannot be rude to someone or feel entitled just because you don’t like their hand gestures. i wish i was a bystander so i could’ve given you and your brother a round of applause. bravo!	mostly nta, but you ceded a little bit of the high ground with the “hag” comment. next time you have to put an ableist harasser in his/her place, try to do it without the unnecessarily gendered language.	nta. you're a freakin' awesome brother!! you handled it perfectly, but i would've complained to the manager about the harassment you endured though.	as the mother of an adult stimmer - i think you were very contained... and i thank you for taking such good care of your brother, twenty eight years of watching my girl be judged by strangers has made me very intolerant of ignorance... and that leads me to be a little more forceful when pointing out their error of said strangers ways. at least they have a better story to tell later - the narrative changes from the stimming adult to her bat-shit crazy mother!	i literally made an account to say that not only are you nta, but you sound like an absolutely amazing brother. i hope your bro is having the time of his life playing with those barbies.	[removed]	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm (28m) my brothers care taker (21m mental age 7-8), our parents decided at 18 to tell us to screw off, so when my brother (let's call him bill) turned 18 i grabbed him and enrolled him to get his ged since he didn't finish highschool, and take care of him. his chores are too clean his room, help with laundry and set the table for supper. i get paid by the state and you better believe i make sure his needs are met. he's my little bud. at the end of the month for each day he does his chores he gets a sticker, at the end of the month that sticker gets counted as 5$ and he uses the money for whatever he wants. like toys, special snacks etc. he loves this. he's been so good lately with chores i took him out for burgers and fries and took him to the toy store. my brother is big. not fat, just tall and actually big boned (he's healthy weight and overall health), he gets excited and stims by flapping his hands, you do you little dude. at the toystore he announced he wants barbie's, cool, no judgement, and we go look at barbies. he's stimming and rambling about what he wanted and meanwhile a lady and little girl come in the aisle. not even two minutes pass and the lady tells us to go to another aisle, she wants to look at the dolls and his weird hand movements are freaking her out. i tell her to wait her turn. not even another minute passes and she tells my brother to knock it off and go look at something else. now i'm pissed. i tell my brother to get what he wants and looked at her and told her, her daughter could use a better role model, i'd hate for her to turn into such a grouchy hag. took my brother out to pay for his barbies all while ignoring her telling me how much of an asshole i am for saying that in front of her daughter. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm (28m) my brothers care taker (21m mental age 7-8), our parents decided at 18 to tell us to screw off, so when my brother (let's call him bill) turned 18 i grabbed him and enrolled him to get his ged since he didn't finish highschool, and take care of him. his chores are too clean his room, help with laundry and set the table for supper. i get paid by the state and you better believe i make sure his needs are met. he's my little bud. at the end of the month for each day he does his chores he gets a sticker, at the end of the month that sticker gets counted as 5$ and he uses the money for whatever he wants. like toys, special snacks etc. he loves this. he's been so good lately with chores i took him out for burgers and fries and took him to the toy store. my brother is big. not fat, just tall and actually big boned (he's healthy weight and overall health), he gets excited and stims by flapping his hands, you do you little dude. at the toystore he announced he wants barbie's, cool, no judgement, and we go look at barbies. he's stimming and rambling about what he wanted and meanwhile a lady and little girl come in the aisle. not even two minutes pass and the lady tells us to go to another aisle, she wants to look at the dolls and his weird hand movements are freaking her out. i tell her to wait her turn. not even another minute passes and she tells my brother to knock it off and go look at something else. now i'm pissed. i tell my brother to get what he wants and looked at her and told her, her daughter could use a better role model, i'd hate for her to turn into such a grouchy hag. took my brother out to pay for his barbies all while ignoring her telling me how much of an asshole i am for saying that in front of her daughter. aita? [/INST] nta. if she was so freaked out, she could find a different aisle. she's raising her child to consider people with disabilities as scary or abnormal, and that's just shitty parenting. unless your brother was saying or doing something inappropriate, she had no right to ask him to leave. </s>
AITA - For giving my husband only 3 days to return my jewelry set that he he gave his brother's wife as a wedding gift?	i f36 have always been into jewelry. i used to own of variety of jewelry sets but due to unfortunate circumstances most of them had to go so i could afford rent after i lost my job. my husband never got lucky to land a job since 2013. thankfully now i have a stable job that gets us by from month to month. i also kept one set of jewelry which is the most valuable wether momentarily and/or sentimentally since it's part of family herilom. the set includes a pair of earings - a bracelet and - a necklace. all gold material and again they are worth decent amount of money. my bil has been with then gilfriend for 10 years and they recently got married. it was a huge deal for the family. my husband wanted to get them a decent wedding gift and tried borrowing money from friends and neighbors but got turned down. he kept stressing out about it for weeks and just the other day (the wedding was days prior and the groom and bride are off to their honeymoon) i discovered that my jewelry set was gone. i freaked after my husband nonchantly said he gifted it to his brother's wife as a wedding gift. i was fuming i asked how could he and he replied that he had no money and nothing of value to give the newly weds and besides that that set has been sitting in the closet since july, 2019 and i never wore any piece of it so he figured i'd forgotten about it but he said he'll figure a way to pay me or get me a similar one once he starts working but i very loudly told him andolutely not and gave him 3 days, just 3 days to return the set or i'll stop paying for everything in the apartment. he looked puzzled like he couldn't believe i was serious. he said he doesn't want to cause an issue but i said it's already there and if he doesn't want issues all he has to do is contact his brother or his wife and retrieve the set or go get it himself. he tried to twist the argument and offer the same solutions as mentioned above but i refused i said i just want my set back and he has 3 days only. he kept talking about how tasteless and disrespectful it'd be for him to retreive a wedding gift and said this will damage his relationship with his brother and family and also how impossible it was to retreive the set in 3 days when the couple are on their honeymoon in another country. aita for this? he said i was financially abusing him by threatening to stop paying for anything knowing i'm the breadwinner. also he refused to give me their new contact info to retreive the set myself.	23,269	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldid7/aita_for_giving_my_husband_only_3_days_to_return/	2021-12-21 12:19:42	nta the financial abuser here is your husband. get the set back and kick him out anyway.	nta, and the sad news is i'm pretty sure your marriage is over. how is your husband not able to find a job since 2013? how is it possible to think gifting a family heirloom without consulting you would be a good idea?	nta jesus christ. your husband is not "unlucky with a job" , he's actually a very lucky man that he found someone to mooch from and is not going to change this situation ever. he doesn't want a job. he will never "repay you or buy you a new one when he gets a job". his whole life plan is to mooch off you forever. please, find yourself a divorce lawyer. this guy is a dead weight on you and will never be a partner.	nta. first of all, your husband has been unemployed since 2013? tell him to get off his ass and get a job, any job. there is just no excuse to be unemployed for that long. secondly, he must be missing more than a few brain cells if he thinks what he did was acceptable (it is not). you have the power in the relationship. use it (and you have).	nta “he kept talking about how tasteless and disrespectful it’d be for him to retrieve a wedding gift...” umm it’s way more tasteless and disrespectful to steal and give away your wife’s jewelry. ___ “he said i was financially abusing him...” he has not had a job in almost 10 years and steals from you! if anyone is financially abusing you, it’s him for taking advantage for so long.	nta, i'd have made him get in a car, go straight to your bil's place and ask it back there and then. what the fuck does he think he's doing gifting your stuff to other people without asking? all this being said, be aware that if you're paying and your name is on bills and contracts etc. you could end up causing more trouble for yourself than for him. can you limit non payment to bills that have his name on them only and affect only him?	nta. wtf? your husband has crossed the line and didn’t even ask you? this isn’t how a partner acts. he has no right and this is low key stealing? that’s your property. your belongings. what gives him the right? good. don’t pay for shit. i would have been so pissed and gifted all of his shit away too. what an ah.	move your money into an account he has no access to. throw out a social media post that includes your in-laws family telling them that husband stole your family heirloom jewelry and gave it away to his brother without telling you. you want your heirloom jewelry back. husband has refused to ask for it back. until you get it back, husband has been kicked out of the house. and follow through with divorce if husband does not bring back all the jewelry asap.	please have him explain how he'll pay you back if he's got no income? why and what happened and continues to happen that he hasn't worked since 2013? a bad 6 month spell, sure. even a year... but 7 or 8 years? wow. he is obviously reaping in the benefits of just you working. that's not a husband, that's an oversized child you have in your home. think about it, you pay for everything and he hasn't learned to communicate like a partner should and discuss finances with you. and he chose to just grab your things using logic of a 3 year old. i'm deducing you don't speak with bil or his family much because you don't mention being at the wedding or knowing ahead of time about the "gift" but rather finding out until later. you have deeper issues than the stolen jewelry. others have outlines it ( unemployment, consent, disregard for respect of property, communication issues, financial abuse etc) you need to reconsider why you are putting up with this. your passive writing style makes me think you're deeply bothered by many things in the relationship but you put up with it or don't know how to articulate it. get the stolen jewelry back by filing a police report. this will not be last time this happens since you've already had to lose the rest of your property due to sacrifices..what is your husband sacrificing? if you continue with him, you'll need marriage therapy, a motivational class for him, some serious get his ass in gear stipulations - which by his reply.to your request makes it appear he won't agree to. if you continue with him, you'll need a lawyer or financial advisor or both to ensure you have security and stability etc etc. if you don't continue with him, get a lawyer and protect yourself and file for divorce. it's not an ugly word, it's a necessity for our well being sometimes. meaning, it's a step forwards - not backwards. nta	nta - he stole your jewelry set and if he had even thought he was in the right for a second, he would have asked your permission for it first. the fact that he didn't means that he was trying to get away with taking it, figuring it is better to ask for forgiveness and thinking you wouldn't demand something back from a newly wed that he gave as a gift. your husband is a major ah.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f36 have always been into jewelry. i used to own of variety of jewelry sets but due to unfortunate circumstances most of them had to go so i could afford rent after i lost my job. my husband never got lucky to land a job since 2013. thankfully now i have a stable job that gets us by from month to month. i also kept one set of jewelry which is the most valuable wether momentarily and/or sentimentally since it's part of family herilom. the set includes a pair of earings - a bracelet and - a necklace. all gold material and again they are worth decent amount of money. my bil has been with then gilfriend for 10 years and they recently got married. it was a huge deal for the family. my husband wanted to get them a decent wedding gift and tried borrowing money from friends and neighbors but got turned down. he kept stressing out about it for weeks and just the other day (the wedding was days prior and the groom and bride are off to their honeymoon) i discovered that my jewelry set was gone. i freaked after my husband nonchantly said he gifted it to his brother's wife as a wedding gift. i was fuming i asked how could he and he replied that he had no money and nothing of value to give the newly weds and besides that that set has been sitting in the closet since july, 2019 and i never wore any piece of it so he figured i'd forgotten about it but he said he'll figure a way to pay me or get me a similar one once he starts working but i very loudly told him andolutely not and gave him 3 days, just 3 days to return the set or i'll stop paying for everything in the apartment. he looked puzzled like he couldn't believe i was serious. he said he doesn't want to cause an issue but i said it's already there and if he doesn't want issues all he has to do is contact his brother or his wife and retrieve the set or go get it himself. he tried to twist the argument and offer the same solutions as mentioned above but i refused i said i just want my set back and he has 3 days only. he kept talking about how tasteless and disrespectful it'd be for him to retreive a wedding gift and said this will damage his relationship with his brother and family and also how impossible it was to retreive the set in 3 days when the couple are on their honeymoon in another country. aita for this? he said i was financially abusing him by threatening to stop paying for anything knowing i'm the breadwinner. also he refused to give me their new contact info to retreive the set myself.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i f36 have always been into jewelry. i used to own of variety of jewelry sets but due to unfortunate circumstances most of them had to go so i could afford rent after i lost my job. my husband never got lucky to land a job since 2013. thankfully now i have a stable job that gets us by from month to month. i also kept one set of jewelry which is the most valuable wether momentarily and/or sentimentally since it's part of family herilom. the set includes a pair of earings - a bracelet and - a necklace. all gold material and again they are worth decent amount of money. my bil has been with then gilfriend for 10 years and they recently got married. it was a huge deal for the family. my husband wanted to get them a decent wedding gift and tried borrowing money from friends and neighbors but got turned down. he kept stressing out about it for weeks and just the other day (the wedding was days prior and the groom and bride are off to their honeymoon) i discovered that my jewelry set was gone. i freaked after my husband nonchantly said he gifted it to his brother's wife as a wedding gift. i was fuming i asked how could he and he replied that he had no money and nothing of value to give the newly weds and besides that that set has been sitting in the closet since july, 2019 and i never wore any piece of it so he figured i'd forgotten about it but he said he'll figure a way to pay me or get me a similar one once he starts working but i very loudly told him andolutely not and gave him 3 days, just 3 days to return the set or i'll stop paying for everything in the apartment. he looked puzzled like he couldn't believe i was serious. he said he doesn't want to cause an issue but i said it's already there and if he doesn't want issues all he has to do is contact his brother or his wife and retrieve the set or go get it himself. he tried to twist the argument and offer the same solutions as mentioned above but i refused i said i just want my set back and he has 3 days only. he kept talking about how tasteless and disrespectful it'd be for him to retreive a wedding gift and said this will damage his relationship with his brother and family and also how impossible it was to retreive the set in 3 days when the couple are on their honeymoon in another country. aita for this? he said i was financially abusing him by threatening to stop paying for anything knowing i'm the breadwinner. also he refused to give me their new contact info to retreive the set myself. [/INST] nta the financial abuser here is your husband. get the set back and kick him out anyway. </s>
AITA for telling my sister there’s a reason her kids chose to live with their dad?	throwaway. i (32f) have a 14 year old daughter jess. her father and my husband died in an accident when she was young, so it’s been just us two for a long time. as a result we are very close and she’s a lot more open to me then most kids are with their parents. around a week ago she asked me if i could take her to the movies on a date with a guy in her class. i know the guy distantly because they’ve done some extra curriculars together and i was thrilled he was my daughters first ‘boyfriend’. i took them a few days ago and they ended up hanging out at our house for a bit afterwards. he was extremely polite and maybe it’s just the mum inside me but i couldn’t be happier for her. i went to my older sisters house for coffee earlier this morning. backstory, my sister has two teenagers (16 and 17), who live almost full time with their dad. they had a very messy divorce around three years ago, and both kids choose to live with their dad. the reason for this was because my sister was extremely over bearing on them. she was the kind of mum who believed kids should have no privacy and she should run their lives until they were adults. i know she had many arguments with them because she would take away their doors, not let them hang out with friends, search through their phones every night etc. this was the primary reason for her divorce, although she won’t admit that. while i love her, as someone who grew up with little privacy i fully understand why her kids don’t want to live with her. my daughter came up in conversation and so bought up her first date. when i explained how it went, my sister laughed and told me that i must be joking. when she realised i was serious, she told me i was a terrible mother for letting my daughter walk all over me and not setting boundaries. she ranted on for a while but she basically said that 14 year olds are incapable of going out themselves and that i was being lazy and neglectful by allowing her to do that. she also said ‘i would never allow my kids to do that,’ so i replied by saying ‘that’s exactly why your kids drive with their dad.’ she got very quiet and then told me to leave. when i got home i started thinking more about what i said and while at the time i thought i was simply telling her what she needed to hear, now i’m wondering if i crossed the line.	23,249	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w3hz2u/aita_for_telling_my_sister_theres_a_reason_her/	2022-07-20 09:24:19	nta. a hit dog hollers. she was only upset by what you said because deep down she knows it’s the truth, and doesn’t want to admit it to herself or anyone else.	nta, your sister thinks "holding boundaries" is the same thing as "making demands", and she'll eventually learn that her children aren't accessories to treat as she wishes without consequence.	nta. she knows it's true so she's assmad over it. but wait...did you just say she took away doors to monitor her kids at all times????like...off the hinges and everything? 😂😂😂 i'm sorry i laughed a little, only because that sounds comical or straight out of a goddamn cartoon. she sounds absolutely ridiculous and i'm glad the kids are with the dad. she should be the last to be talking about anyone else's parenting when she's pushed her own kids b/c of her bitterness. it reminds me of that one ed, edd and eddy episode where ed got grounded and his parents took away the stairs 💀💀💀 ("what happened to the stairs???") https://youtu.be/iog1fj55voc	nta. she opened things up to such a comment when she decided it was okay for her to criticize your parenting. she just doesn’t want to hear the truth and would rather think she is a flawless parent despite the evidence. what you said might have hit her where it hurts, but again, she set herself up for that by attacking your parenting choices	nta - your sister judged you rudely and harshly as a parent. she put herself up to be the paragon of motherhood compared to you. it is more than fair to stand up for yourself. its actually funny that she didn't consider that you could throw much more back in her face but, if she was more introspective, she might still be married. she started the fight and you finished it. here's the other thing; she isn't going to be happy with you anytime soon but it might actually spark something in her regarding how she has treated her kids. there could be something positive for them down the road. she first has to acknowledge she was a terrible parent	nta you are providing your child with a safe environment in which she can grow and explore. your sister is the posterchild of helicopter parents. i applaud her kids for choosing to live with her dad. good on you for telling your sister like it is.	your sister has a fundamental misunderstanding of what boundaries are. boundaries define the limits of acceptable behaviour with a given person or within a given situation. there’re not a stick to wield in order to force others into submission. an individual’s boundaries are non-negotiable and should be respected. the boundaries of acceptable behaviour within a situation can (and should with young people explicitly) be negotiated by those within the situation, and if done well can help to reinforce individual boundaries and develop a young person’s sense of agency. as an example, your daughter just started dating, so now would be a good time to sit down and have the big talk with her. help her flesh out what she feels comfortable with, what personal boundaries she wants to set and how the boundaries of this situation can reinforce these. for example, your daughter may not be ready to have sex. setting a boundary that her bedroom door must be open when boyfriend is over can help her enforce this: “we can’t close the door because my mum will ground me” can be a lot less intimidating for a young person than “i’m not ready to do this yet”. it can empower her to learn to say no and hold her boundaries in a safe way. what your sister did was not setting boundaries. in fact, it sounds like she regularly violated her children’s boundaries and denied them agency over their own lives. was what you said harsh? yes. was it an appropriate response to the conversation your sister started? yes. nta. your sister needs to learn what a boundary is before she lectures others.	nta. could you have said it a little more kindly? perhaps. but it's the truth and she needed to hear it.	nta that’s a dose of reality	nta. maybe you were right on the borderline, but she clearly crossed it when she interfered with your decisions and parenting. furthermore, from experience, having a real close connection with your mom to the point of considering her your best friend and being granted my independence from a young age has only brought me joy and fulfillment in life.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway. i (32f) have a 14 year old daughter jess. her father and my husband died in an accident when she was young, so it’s been just us two for a long time. as a result we are very close and she’s a lot more open to me then most kids are with their parents. around a week ago she asked me if i could take her to the movies on a date with a guy in her class. i know the guy distantly because they’ve done some extra curriculars together and i was thrilled he was my daughters first ‘boyfriend’. i took them a few days ago and they ended up hanging out at our house for a bit afterwards. he was extremely polite and maybe it’s just the mum inside me but i couldn’t be happier for her. i went to my older sisters house for coffee earlier this morning. backstory, my sister has two teenagers (16 and 17), who live almost full time with their dad. they had a very messy divorce around three years ago, and both kids choose to live with their dad. the reason for this was because my sister was extremely over bearing on them. she was the kind of mum who believed kids should have no privacy and she should run their lives until they were adults. i know she had many arguments with them because she would take away their doors, not let them hang out with friends, search through their phones every night etc. this was the primary reason for her divorce, although she won’t admit that. while i love her, as someone who grew up with little privacy i fully understand why her kids don’t want to live with her. my daughter came up in conversation and so bought up her first date. when i explained how it went, my sister laughed and told me that i must be joking. when she realised i was serious, she told me i was a terrible mother for letting my daughter walk all over me and not setting boundaries. she ranted on for a while but she basically said that 14 year olds are incapable of going out themselves and that i was being lazy and neglectful by allowing her to do that. she also said ‘i would never allow my kids to do that,’ so i replied by saying ‘that’s exactly why your kids drive with their dad.’ she got very quiet and then told me to leave. when i got home i started thinking more about what i said and while at the time i thought i was simply telling her what she needed to hear, now i’m wondering if i crossed the line.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway. i (32f) have a 14 year old daughter jess. her father and my husband died in an accident when she was young, so it’s been just us two for a long time. as a result we are very close and she’s a lot more open to me then most kids are with their parents. around a week ago she asked me if i could take her to the movies on a date with a guy in her class. i know the guy distantly because they’ve done some extra curriculars together and i was thrilled he was my daughters first ‘boyfriend’. i took them a few days ago and they ended up hanging out at our house for a bit afterwards. he was extremely polite and maybe it’s just the mum inside me but i couldn’t be happier for her. i went to my older sisters house for coffee earlier this morning. backstory, my sister has two teenagers (16 and 17), who live almost full time with their dad. they had a very messy divorce around three years ago, and both kids choose to live with their dad. the reason for this was because my sister was extremely over bearing on them. she was the kind of mum who believed kids should have no privacy and she should run their lives until they were adults. i know she had many arguments with them because she would take away their doors, not let them hang out with friends, search through their phones every night etc. this was the primary reason for her divorce, although she won’t admit that. while i love her, as someone who grew up with little privacy i fully understand why her kids don’t want to live with her. my daughter came up in conversation and so bought up her first date. when i explained how it went, my sister laughed and told me that i must be joking. when she realised i was serious, she told me i was a terrible mother for letting my daughter walk all over me and not setting boundaries. she ranted on for a while but she basically said that 14 year olds are incapable of going out themselves and that i was being lazy and neglectful by allowing her to do that. she also said ‘i would never allow my kids to do that,’ so i replied by saying ‘that’s exactly why your kids drive with their dad.’ she got very quiet and then told me to leave. when i got home i started thinking more about what i said and while at the time i thought i was simply telling her what she needed to hear, now i’m wondering if i crossed the line. [/INST] nta. a hit dog hollers. she was only upset by what you said because deep down she knows it’s the truth, and doesn’t want to admit it to herself or anyone else. </s>
AITA For Telling My Cousin That She's The Reason My Husband And I Have Re-Considered Adoption?	throwaway account i (33f) have had fertility issues for the past couple of years with my husband (35m). we went through with consultations and while we had very promising results for treatment the cost did give us pause. it wasn't that we couldn't afford it we just weren't at the point yet where we were willing to pay. i discussed it with my husband and we were both fine with the idea of adopting. my cousin tiffany (25f) is adopted and she supported our choice in looking into it. however this was a couple of years back and during that time tiffany was reunited with her birth parents and she's been acting pretty hurtful to my aunt and uncle since then. she keeps making post about how happy she is to know where she comes from and is happy about being reunited with her "real family." she even talked about having her birth father walk her down the aisle as a chance to make up for lost time. obviously my uncle was very hurt about this but went he voiced it tiffany got defensive. she called my uncle selfish, how this was about her and that he knew what he signed up for when raising someone else's kid. before the pandemic tiffany moved closer to where her bio mother lived so they could make up for lost time, and tiffany kept making post after post about all the fun she was having meeting relatives, and how she called/video chatted with each of her bio parents multiple times a week meanwhile she barely texted back my uncle and aunt once a month. i could tell how heartbroken my aunt and uncle were but tried to give tiffany her space and the few times they said anything she accuse them of being selfish and unsupportive. i think the biggest thing that broke them was when tiffany promised to come by for my aunt's birthday (covid restrictions were lifted) and was even given the money to travel to them but then never showed up. she called literally the day before to say that her bio mom had an emergency so she wasn't going to make it, but didn't give back the money. i am completely disgusted by tiffany's behavior and while i haven't completely ruled out adoption entirely i did want to give medical assisted conception a try. my husband supported this and we are now currently expecting. after we made our announcement tiffany messaged me asking why i would spend thousands on creating a child when i could helped one who already existed. i tried to play it off but tiffany kept pressing and calling me a bad person when there are so many children who desperately need a home and overpopulation. it got to the point where she was pissing me off and i just came clean and said that her behavior towards the people who loved and raised her was the reason. tiffany got really upset but i didn't care, however, her parents are now starting to say that i was wrong so aita?	23,240	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ovdbj5/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_that_shes_the_reason/	2021-07-31 19:25:51	nta , i’ll say it loudly every time: if you insist on pushing people past the polite answer you may get an answer you don’t like. you have only yourself to blame if the truth hurts you then.	nta. your cousin is actually horrific. i'm adopted and i would never ever even ever pull some crap like this. i'm sorry that she's such a selfish person, that she soured the idea of adoption for you.	nta - even though it wasn’t a nice thing to say, you’re still right. it’s the truth. why would you wanna adopt a kid if they could end up like her? she’s ungrateful and selfish. she abandoned the set of parents who love her and gave her a good life all these years for some people she barely knows just because they’re her “real parents”. i think her real parents are the ones who raised her and taught her everything she knows. she doesn’t know her bio parents from adam and they could easily be apart of a cannibal cult. you were definitely in the right to say what you said. i’m wishing you good luck with the fertility situation. i’m hoping you’re able to have a healthy child or adopt one who will love you forever.	nta your cousin is an entitled a-hole. she had no right to demand answers for why you chose not to adopt or to say you're a bad person for not doing so. not only that but she didn't even express an iota of happiness for your pregnancy. ignore anyone who's supporting tiffany on this one. she is 100% to blame and 100% in the wrong.	nta adoption is quite a challenge in general. you need to meet certain criteria, wait some time before you get approved etc. sometimes the children have some issues, which makes raising them more difficult. sometimes situations like tiffany's happen. it's not a magical solution for everyone who cannot have their own child. while you didn't really have to tell that to tiffany, she shouldn't have asked and pushed. there are many reasons why people want to have their own child rather than adopt one, and that's none of her business in general.	honestly, i get op. i lurk in r/adoption quite a lot and the majority of them seem miserable and hate the fact that they were adopted (even in the face of dangerous biological circumstances). stuff like that and op’s cousin can make one wary of extending themselves in that way to adopt a child and not know if the child will always feel a way about being adopted (if the adoptive parents are good parents). nta	this is one of the reasons that i don't think adoption is the panacea it's so often pushed as. if her adoptive parents raised her and loved her as their own, they're not the ahs. you're not the ah for observing how this adopted child is treating her adoptive family now. you're nta for not wanting to go through that same thing in 20 years, either. who would? tiffany is ta for the specific things described here - pushing adoption, getting upset when you didn't, demanding an answer as to why you didn't go that way (as if it was her business) and then getting mad at you for your honest answer. but she's not an ah for wanting to know her bio family, for wanting to make up for lost time, or even necessarily for pushing away from her adoptive family. it's complicated, but bottom line is that she didn't ask to be given up or adopted, she's no more obligated to the parents that raised her than any biological child would be in adulthood, and while one would hope that she'd be nicer to them, she's probably feeling some petty complex emotions around the whole thing, which could even include some resentment toward her adoptive parents for "keeping her away" from her bio family (even if that's not how it was and not logical. emotions often aren't logical). or she could feel that spending too much time with her adoptive family is somehow disloyal to her bio family that she now knows and wants to keep/impress. or she feels embarrassed that she pushed away from the adoptive family and is staying away even more out of guilt/not wanting to deal with it. i'm not trying to give her excuses for any bad behavior, but this shit is complicated. i feel kind of bad for her too - not so much for the aita situation but just for being in a place in her life where she's a young adult with two sets of parents and a complicated backstory, most of which she had no control over, and she has to reconcile all that. i can see how that would lead to some less than stellar behavior. adoption is hard on the adopted child, who gets transplanted often before they're old enough to know what's going on and has no say in the matter and just has to deal with whatever comes up because of it. it can be hard on loving adoptive families who still have to worry about losing a beloved child to a bio family, even in adulthood. and it's also hard on bio families who are often under intense pressure from family, authority figures, or just difficult circumstances to agree to it, like it or not. i don't know what the answer to all that is - though my guess is that it includes both more abortions and more support for young/marginalized/low income pregnant people who want to keep and raise their babies themselves. even so, adoption will always be a necessary thing. but it bugs me when it's presented as this perfect alternative for both birth and potential adoptive families when it's clearly not.	nta, your cousin is terrible.	i’m an adoptee who doesn’t have a relationship with either set of parents. no one knew how terribly my adoptive parents treated me. some people still think they’re wonderful. some now know the truth and have cut ties as well. the reality of adopting is anything can happen…just like having biological children. you’re nta for telling her the truth but letting that one situation cloud your decision kinda sucks.	nta, she did literally ask. i do worry a bit about how this one example of adoption not working out perfectly seems to have soured you on the entire concept, though. if your cousin had been your aunt and uncle’s biological kid and had started being shitty to her parents for some other reason, would you decide that having biological kids is a bad idea? adoption can definitely complicate things, and this is an extreme and shitty example of that, but almost every kid is going to have some shitty and hurtful moments of teenage/young adult rebellion toward their parents. of course you want any kid you raise to have a good relationship with you and appreciate what you’ve done for them. but there is no method of acquiring a child that inherently guarantees you a painless and always-easy relationship with them.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account i (33f) have had fertility issues for the past couple of years with my husband (35m). we went through with consultations and while we had very promising results for treatment the cost did give us pause. it wasn't that we couldn't afford it we just weren't at the point yet where we were willing to pay. i discussed it with my husband and we were both fine with the idea of adopting. my cousin tiffany (25f) is adopted and she supported our choice in looking into it. however this was a couple of years back and during that time tiffany was reunited with her birth parents and she's been acting pretty hurtful to my aunt and uncle since then. she keeps making post about how happy she is to know where she comes from and is happy about being reunited with her "real family." she even talked about having her birth father walk her down the aisle as a chance to make up for lost time. obviously my uncle was very hurt about this but went he voiced it tiffany got defensive. she called my uncle selfish, how this was about her and that he knew what he signed up for when raising someone else's kid. before the pandemic tiffany moved closer to where her bio mother lived so they could make up for lost time, and tiffany kept making post after post about all the fun she was having meeting relatives, and how she called/video chatted with each of her bio parents multiple times a week meanwhile she barely texted back my uncle and aunt once a month. i could tell how heartbroken my aunt and uncle were but tried to give tiffany her space and the few times they said anything she accuse them of being selfish and unsupportive. i think the biggest thing that broke them was when tiffany promised to come by for my aunt's birthday (covid restrictions were lifted) and was even given the money to travel to them but then never showed up. she called literally the day before to say that her bio mom had an emergency so she wasn't going to make it, but didn't give back the money. i am completely disgusted by tiffany's behavior and while i haven't completely ruled out adoption entirely i did want to give medical assisted conception a try. my husband supported this and we are now currently expecting. after we made our announcement tiffany messaged me asking why i would spend thousands on creating a child when i could helped one who already existed. i tried to play it off but tiffany kept pressing and calling me a bad person when there are so many children who desperately need a home and overpopulation. it got to the point where she was pissing me off and i just came clean and said that her behavior towards the people who loved and raised her was the reason. tiffany got really upset but i didn't care, however, her parents are now starting to say that i was wrong so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway account i (33f) have had fertility issues for the past couple of years with my husband (35m). we went through with consultations and while we had very promising results for treatment the cost did give us pause. it wasn't that we couldn't afford it we just weren't at the point yet where we were willing to pay. i discussed it with my husband and we were both fine with the idea of adopting. my cousin tiffany (25f) is adopted and she supported our choice in looking into it. however this was a couple of years back and during that time tiffany was reunited with her birth parents and she's been acting pretty hurtful to my aunt and uncle since then. she keeps making post about how happy she is to know where she comes from and is happy about being reunited with her "real family." she even talked about having her birth father walk her down the aisle as a chance to make up for lost time. obviously my uncle was very hurt about this but went he voiced it tiffany got defensive. she called my uncle selfish, how this was about her and that he knew what he signed up for when raising someone else's kid. before the pandemic tiffany moved closer to where her bio mother lived so they could make up for lost time, and tiffany kept making post after post about all the fun she was having meeting relatives, and how she called/video chatted with each of her bio parents multiple times a week meanwhile she barely texted back my uncle and aunt once a month. i could tell how heartbroken my aunt and uncle were but tried to give tiffany her space and the few times they said anything she accuse them of being selfish and unsupportive. i think the biggest thing that broke them was when tiffany promised to come by for my aunt's birthday (covid restrictions were lifted) and was even given the money to travel to them but then never showed up. she called literally the day before to say that her bio mom had an emergency so she wasn't going to make it, but didn't give back the money. i am completely disgusted by tiffany's behavior and while i haven't completely ruled out adoption entirely i did want to give medical assisted conception a try. my husband supported this and we are now currently expecting. after we made our announcement tiffany messaged me asking why i would spend thousands on creating a child when i could helped one who already existed. i tried to play it off but tiffany kept pressing and calling me a bad person when there are so many children who desperately need a home and overpopulation. it got to the point where she was pissing me off and i just came clean and said that her behavior towards the people who loved and raised her was the reason. tiffany got really upset but i didn't care, however, her parents are now starting to say that i was wrong so aita? [/INST] nta , i’ll say it loudly every time: if you insist on pushing people past the polite answer you may get an answer you don’t like. you have only yourself to blame if the truth hurts you then. </s>
AITA for buying my wife a Roomba for Christmas?	this happened last year but since it still gets brought up during arguments every now and then and i just discovered this subreddit i decided to check what you guys think. me and my wife have two children (15f & 11m). my wife is a stay at home mom since the birth of our second child. i (46m) work full time and earn a six figure salary. my job is highly stressful, requires me to travel a lot and mostly sleep in hotels. i only get to come home to my family on every second weekend, on average. despite working a lot, i am glad to do it so that my family can live a comfortable life. last year, i decided to buy my wife a roomba for christmas. my wife tends to be the one who vacuums the house so i presumed that she would like this present as it would free her of this chore. as she unpacked the present, she was heavily offended and did not hesitate to show it, which made the whole situation quite uncomfortable as my parents and other members of the family were also present. she argued that 'this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family, as it is the entire family’s responsibility to clean up the house'. since i work and am the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay at home mother, i think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. the gift was intended to somewhat relieve her of this burden. i, personally, would have loved to have received a christmas gift that would have somehow made it possible for me to spend less time working. as cheesy as it sounds, i think that time is one of the most precious gifts and that roomba would have definitely bought some time for her - time that she could use to do whatever she pleased instead of vacuuming. unfortunately, one year later, this still often gets brought up during arguments, often coupled with her crying. so, aita in this situation?	23,227	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ed9cyv/aita_for_buying_my_wife_a_roomba_for_christmas/	2019-12-20 12:08:59	yta: that’s a gift for the household and not her. it shows you primarily regard her as a housekeeper and not a partner. what interests does she have that are not about serving you and the family?	yta. this is a rookie mistake. husband thinks "wife will appreciate a machine to make her work easier," wife thinks "my husband sees me primarily as a housekeeper and not as a romantic partner." if you want to relieve her of this one burden, that's a nice thought, but don't make it a christmas gift, make it a contribution to the welfare of the household. that's what your wife meant when she said "this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family."	nta, ffs can we get some adults in this god damn subreddit. no one every complains when a woman buys a man a drill or a wrench set for fixing shit around the house. she's an adult, these are adult gifts. it should definitely be coupled with something personal though, and it sounds like it was. she's being a child. my wife would be overcome with joy if i eliminated the chore of floor cleaning from our household.	my dad got my mom a wheelbarrow for xmas. she needed one for the barn to care for her horses. they divorced a year later and that even came up in court. meanwhile, i got a new washer and dryer for valentines day one year and i couldn’t have been happier. made my life a lot easier. my mother was horrified. so....it’s really an issue of knowing your audience. i would be super excited for a roomba. clearly your wife not so much. that it keeps getting brought up is kind of nuts though. if she was hurt because she had asked you for something else or wanted something more romantic or sentimental vs practical, you guys could’ve returned the roomba and you could endeavor to be a better gift giver. but tears? recurring argument fodder? sounds like you need to read five love languages. and she maybe needs therapy. esh	nta. yikes if this makes you an asshole my mom must hate us cause we (my siblings and i) got her a roomba for christmas a few years ago. we also got her a really nice dyson cordless vacuum for her birthday this year. she uses the vacuum constantly and loves it. the roomba goes around twice a week and gets a ton of dog hair. we also get my father power tools, which i would say is in the same line of gifting. if you had gifted a nice set of pots and pans would that also be asshole-ish because she uses them to make meals for the whole family? or when people gift a dog but the whole family gets to appreciate him/her? people gift items all the time that more than one person gets to appreciate. a roomba should theoretically give her more time to relax with her children and take some stress off of her while you’re gone. i see no issue with it.	nta. a roomba is a great gift. it's not a necessity, it's a fucking luxury.	yta. cleaning items, appliances, and other household goods things are not good christmas presents unless the person explicitly asks for that for christmas. you got her something impersonal and meant for the household.	you know this isn't really about the roomba, right?	> i think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. it is understandable that she'll do most of it, but you can't buy your way out of adult responsibilities. what bugs me also is that you use "i think she should", that's something you never discussed about ? and yeah, cleaning stuff / cooking ustensils aren't good choices. they give the vibe your wife is only useful for that. yta	i wanted to buy my so a nice set of kitchen knives but i wasn’t sure if she would have a similar reaction to your wife so i ended up just asking her if it would offend her. she actually liked the idea and offered a suggestion for some knives her mother had that she knew she liked. generally i would stay away from household stuff like that if it could have like sexist connotations. you probably wouldnt gift her a broom and dustpan would you? this was pretty similar, it just took batteries. i won’t say you’re the ah because i think your heart was in the right place and you genuinely thought you were helping her and getting her a good gift. but to everyone else it was a pretty crappy present. nah	YTA	YTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	YTA	null	YTA	NAH	0.715918	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened last year but since it still gets brought up during arguments every now and then and i just discovered this subreddit i decided to check what you guys think. me and my wife have two children (15f & 11m). my wife is a stay at home mom since the birth of our second child. i (46m) work full time and earn a six figure salary. my job is highly stressful, requires me to travel a lot and mostly sleep in hotels. i only get to come home to my family on every second weekend, on average. despite working a lot, i am glad to do it so that my family can live a comfortable life. last year, i decided to buy my wife a roomba for christmas. my wife tends to be the one who vacuums the house so i presumed that she would like this present as it would free her of this chore. as she unpacked the present, she was heavily offended and did not hesitate to show it, which made the whole situation quite uncomfortable as my parents and other members of the family were also present. she argued that 'this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family, as it is the entire family’s responsibility to clean up the house'. since i work and am the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay at home mother, i think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. the gift was intended to somewhat relieve her of this burden. i, personally, would have loved to have received a christmas gift that would have somehow made it possible for me to spend less time working. as cheesy as it sounds, i think that time is one of the most precious gifts and that roomba would have definitely bought some time for her - time that she could use to do whatever she pleased instead of vacuuming. unfortunately, one year later, this still often gets brought up during arguments, often coupled with her crying. so, aita in this situation?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this happened last year but since it still gets brought up during arguments every now and then and i just discovered this subreddit i decided to check what you guys think. me and my wife have two children (15f & 11m). my wife is a stay at home mom since the birth of our second child. i (46m) work full time and earn a six figure salary. my job is highly stressful, requires me to travel a lot and mostly sleep in hotels. i only get to come home to my family on every second weekend, on average. despite working a lot, i am glad to do it so that my family can live a comfortable life. last year, i decided to buy my wife a roomba for christmas. my wife tends to be the one who vacuums the house so i presumed that she would like this present as it would free her of this chore. as she unpacked the present, she was heavily offended and did not hesitate to show it, which made the whole situation quite uncomfortable as my parents and other members of the family were also present. she argued that 'this should not be a present directed at her but at the whole family, as it is the entire family’s responsibility to clean up the house'. since i work and am the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay at home mother, i think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. the gift was intended to somewhat relieve her of this burden. i, personally, would have loved to have received a christmas gift that would have somehow made it possible for me to spend less time working. as cheesy as it sounds, i think that time is one of the most precious gifts and that roomba would have definitely bought some time for her - time that she could use to do whatever she pleased instead of vacuuming. unfortunately, one year later, this still often gets brought up during arguments, often coupled with her crying. so, aita in this situation? [/INST] yta: that’s a gift for the household and not her. it shows you primarily regard her as a housekeeper and not a partner. what interests does she have that are not about serving you and the family? </s>
AITA for refusing to share my extra income with my wife when she didn't share hers with me when she earned more?	when my wife \[32f\] and i \[32m\] got married eighht years ago, she made about 15k more per year than i did. our agreement at that time was that we'd keep separate checking accounts plus a joint for household expenses, with the understanding that money left over after contributions to household expenses, savings, retirement, etc. would be put in the separate accounts and we could spend it how we wanted. my wife was the one who insisted on this, and although i was not a fan (wanted joint accounts for all funds), i agreed since she felt strongly about it. &#x200b; a few years after we married i decided to go to law school. long story short, i ended up at a big law firm and now earn about four times what my wife does. since i managed not to go into debt, i have a good bit of money left over after i make my contributions to our joint expenses. &#x200b; my wife asked me to reconsider this arrangement (she doesn't feel like its fair that i get to buy most of the things i want while she is on a much more limited budget), and i told her i would not reconsider it since this is what she wanted originally. i think fair is fair since this was her idea, but i do wonder if i am wrong for refusing to reconsider our financial arrangement? &#x200b; aita?	23,220	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d0ariq/aita_for_refusing_to_share_my_extra_income_with/	2019-09-06 02:44:06	esh. is this tit-for-tat counting nickels really the way you want to approach your marriage? get some couples therapy and talk this out. talk about how you felt when she didn’t share with you and maybe she can share why it was important to her then but she feels differently now. sounds like you both need to grow up.	esh for such a stupid arrangement. >she doesn't feel like its fair that i get to buy most of the things i want while she is on a much more limited budget my wife and i have separate accounts plus joint savings too, just because inertia. but we don't play a silly game of i can afford x and you can't, nyah nyah. at the end of the day, it doesn't matter which account it comes out of because it's all our money. marriage is a partnership.	esh seperate accounts are perfectly reasonable. my so and i have seperate accounts, and combine what we need for bills / household expenses. there have been times over the years where he has earned more than me, and times where i have earned more than him. we hold each other up financially when needed. you and your wife are just playing tit for tat. it was a stupid arrangement at the beginning, and a stupid arrangement now. you love each other right? so be kind to one another. stop with the games.	okay, i gotta go with esh. i had a coworker buddy of mine in a similar situation with his girlfriend to yours, when your wife made more. his job paid a lot less than hers and it just got to a point they were both living different lifestyles. so they eventually became more like roommates than partners. eventually they broke up, from his point of view it was because she couldn't empathize with his feeling shitty because he was barely surviving. with you two being married for years, isn't it about time to stop the agreement altogether? is there any chance you're not budging because you might be resentful that she thinks it's okay to change it whenever she isn't the top earner while you had to do it for years? op, i'm not saying either of you are bad, im just saying it's a shitty situation and it's that way because of all parties involved. i hope everything works out	esh honestly, who does this in a relationship? shouldn't it be about building each other up and being happy rather than who has more and getting one over the other person? are you both really happy if this is a divide in your relationship. i'm sorry if this is judgmental but i'm just confused.	i don't want to go so far as to say youre an asshole for sticking to the original agreement. but i definitely think it's odd to make 4 times as much as a partner and still split expenses halfway	info- did she financially support you while you were going through law school?	wow. she was making a little bit more than you, (15,000 isn’t really a lot) and she wanted to keep some of it. and she partially supported you so you got some of it anyways. and now you make four times her income and won’t reconsider?? my boyfriend makes about 30 times what i make, (no joke) (i quit my job and now work part time while studying for grad school/a fulbright) and he shares sooo much. even before when i was at a real job that paid relatively well we paid proportionately. we’ve always contributed the same percentage of our income to bills. that’s truly fair. i really can’t believe you’re being this selfish edit no it’s not a sugar daddy situation. i’m mid twenties he’s 32. and i used to make around 75,000 before taxes before i quit my job and took a part time one to pursue more schooling. (after discussing it with him first)	esh. your wife wasn't great at suggesting this early on, but you don't state what her reasoning was. maybe you are prone to spending too much? regardless, you two are married, and you love each other. and you make 4 times as much. if you spend tons of money on fun things for yourself, it's only going to breed resentment. and you will wind up with no wife. you two need some counseling.	i’m gonna say esh it seems pretty clear that she wanted to keep her money when she made more and is a bit of a hypocrite for wanting to suddenly share now that you have more. that said, you’re talking about a lot more than $15k now and it seems pretty petty to play gotcha. more than an asshole, though, i think you’ve been foolish. you got married when you clearly weren’t on the same page about money and you still haven’t gotten on the same page after several years. plus, dude, you went to law school. you have to know if she divorces you, she’s entitled to a cut of that money you’re earning. marital property is marital property even if only your name is on the account.	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	null	INFO	null	ESH	ESH	0.052321	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when my wife \[32f\] and i \[32m\] got married eighht years ago, she made about 15k more per year than i did. our agreement at that time was that we'd keep separate checking accounts plus a joint for household expenses, with the understanding that money left over after contributions to household expenses, savings, retirement, etc. would be put in the separate accounts and we could spend it how we wanted. my wife was the one who insisted on this, and although i was not a fan (wanted joint accounts for all funds), i agreed since she felt strongly about it. &#x200b; a few years after we married i decided to go to law school. long story short, i ended up at a big law firm and now earn about four times what my wife does. since i managed not to go into debt, i have a good bit of money left over after i make my contributions to our joint expenses. &#x200b; my wife asked me to reconsider this arrangement (she doesn't feel like its fair that i get to buy most of the things i want while she is on a much more limited budget), and i told her i would not reconsider it since this is what she wanted originally. i think fair is fair since this was her idea, but i do wonder if i am wrong for refusing to reconsider our financial arrangement? &#x200b; aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> when my wife \[32f\] and i \[32m\] got married eighht years ago, she made about 15k more per year than i did. our agreement at that time was that we'd keep separate checking accounts plus a joint for household expenses, with the understanding that money left over after contributions to household expenses, savings, retirement, etc. would be put in the separate accounts and we could spend it how we wanted. my wife was the one who insisted on this, and although i was not a fan (wanted joint accounts for all funds), i agreed since she felt strongly about it. &#x200b; a few years after we married i decided to go to law school. long story short, i ended up at a big law firm and now earn about four times what my wife does. since i managed not to go into debt, i have a good bit of money left over after i make my contributions to our joint expenses. &#x200b; my wife asked me to reconsider this arrangement (she doesn't feel like its fair that i get to buy most of the things i want while she is on a much more limited budget), and i told her i would not reconsider it since this is what she wanted originally. i think fair is fair since this was her idea, but i do wonder if i am wrong for refusing to reconsider our financial arrangement? &#x200b; aita? [/INST] esh. is this tit-for-tat counting nickels really the way you want to approach your marriage? get some couples therapy and talk this out. talk about how you felt when she didn’t share with you and maybe she can share why it was important to her then but she feels differently now. sounds like you both need to grow up. </s>
AITA? I reported my car missing after my husband took it to attend his brother's wedding.	my husband (35) does not have a car. he sold his old one to help pay for his brother's wedding. i did not agree on this but he had this car before we got together so it's a shared property. besides that i have my own car so that did not affect me til my husband started complaining about having to commute to work and hangout places. he tried to get me to let him drive my car several times but i stood firm and put a boundary making him understand that my car will never be driven by him (one of the reasons why is because of how bad his driving is). his brother lives out of town. my husband asked if he could drive my car to the wedding but i refused but not because i'm not imvited (another story for another day) buy because like i said my car is off limits. he threw a fit calling me unreasonable to let him take public transportation because he can barely stand it for 10 minutes let alone hours. i said it wasn't my problem which irritated him but made him stop arguing about it. the day that he was supposed to travel out of town. i woke at 10am and couldn't find my car key. i went outside and couldn't find my car either. i was beyond pissed. i called him and like i expected, he took it and was on his way to the other town. i lost it and told him i gave him no permission to take it for whole 5 days and said that if he won't turn around with it and come home then i'd call the cops and report it missing. his response was "you wouldn't dare do it cause you know what would happen" i hung up on him then immediately called the police and told them about my situation. i did not tell them my husband took it because they'd think it's a family dispute and decide to not get involved. i just reported it missing. 2 hours later i got a call from my husband saying he was back in town and was being held at our local police station. i went to the station and talked to the cops. my husband made a scene there swearing over and over that i gave him permission to take it and said i was acting out of jealousy and spite because he was going to attent a wedding that i was not invited to. i took my car and went home but he had to stay a little longer. he came home in the evening and went on a rage fit about how i created an awful situation and almost caused him to miss his brother's wedding. he called me vindictive, bitter and a lunatic to call the police on him and try to accuse him of stealing my car. he had to leave the same day to be able to be there with his family and decided to extent his stay and he still hasn't gotten back yet. right now his mom and brother are blasting me for what happened and calling me spiteful.	23,199	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v4no1d/aita_i_reported_my_car_missing_after_my_husband/	2022-06-04 12:16:16	nta but i get the feeling that there is a lot more going on here. your husband sold his car to help pay for his brother's wedding? even though he needed it to commute? is your husband prone to making bad decisions? and he paid for his brother's wedding, even though you, his wife were not invited to it? i'm sorry, but what kind of marriage is this?	so… happily married i take it?	[removed]	esh. your car is completely off limits? he took the car for 5 days anyways? so you called the fucking cops on him? you both suck. you might be married but you don't sound like life partners.	nta. lady, you need to file for divorce immediately. this relationship is toxic and your husband is a massive idiotic asshole.	why are you married to him?	esh. i... i don't even know where to begin. what in the jerry springer dysfunctional relationship is going on with you two? your husband is the ah for his entitled attitude and his refusal to take responsibility. you're the ah for deciding to escalate this well beyond what was necessary, for intentionally lying by omission to police to make it worse, and for somehow not understanding why that was 100% wrong. you both have a lot of growing up to do.	i can’t see your marriage lasting much longer	info: wtf?	why are you married to him? i'd take this time to find a divorce lawyer	NTA	null	null	ESH	NTA	null	ESH	null	INFO	null	0.434069	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (35) does not have a car. he sold his old one to help pay for his brother's wedding. i did not agree on this but he had this car before we got together so it's a shared property. besides that i have my own car so that did not affect me til my husband started complaining about having to commute to work and hangout places. he tried to get me to let him drive my car several times but i stood firm and put a boundary making him understand that my car will never be driven by him (one of the reasons why is because of how bad his driving is). his brother lives out of town. my husband asked if he could drive my car to the wedding but i refused but not because i'm not imvited (another story for another day) buy because like i said my car is off limits. he threw a fit calling me unreasonable to let him take public transportation because he can barely stand it for 10 minutes let alone hours. i said it wasn't my problem which irritated him but made him stop arguing about it. the day that he was supposed to travel out of town. i woke at 10am and couldn't find my car key. i went outside and couldn't find my car either. i was beyond pissed. i called him and like i expected, he took it and was on his way to the other town. i lost it and told him i gave him no permission to take it for whole 5 days and said that if he won't turn around with it and come home then i'd call the cops and report it missing. his response was "you wouldn't dare do it cause you know what would happen" i hung up on him then immediately called the police and told them about my situation. i did not tell them my husband took it because they'd think it's a family dispute and decide to not get involved. i just reported it missing. 2 hours later i got a call from my husband saying he was back in town and was being held at our local police station. i went to the station and talked to the cops. my husband made a scene there swearing over and over that i gave him permission to take it and said i was acting out of jealousy and spite because he was going to attent a wedding that i was not invited to. i took my car and went home but he had to stay a little longer. he came home in the evening and went on a rage fit about how i created an awful situation and almost caused him to miss his brother's wedding. he called me vindictive, bitter and a lunatic to call the police on him and try to accuse him of stealing my car. he had to leave the same day to be able to be there with his family and decided to extent his stay and he still hasn't gotten back yet. right now his mom and brother are blasting me for what happened and calling me spiteful.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband (35) does not have a car. he sold his old one to help pay for his brother's wedding. i did not agree on this but he had this car before we got together so it's a shared property. besides that i have my own car so that did not affect me til my husband started complaining about having to commute to work and hangout places. he tried to get me to let him drive my car several times but i stood firm and put a boundary making him understand that my car will never be driven by him (one of the reasons why is because of how bad his driving is). his brother lives out of town. my husband asked if he could drive my car to the wedding but i refused but not because i'm not imvited (another story for another day) buy because like i said my car is off limits. he threw a fit calling me unreasonable to let him take public transportation because he can barely stand it for 10 minutes let alone hours. i said it wasn't my problem which irritated him but made him stop arguing about it. the day that he was supposed to travel out of town. i woke at 10am and couldn't find my car key. i went outside and couldn't find my car either. i was beyond pissed. i called him and like i expected, he took it and was on his way to the other town. i lost it and told him i gave him no permission to take it for whole 5 days and said that if he won't turn around with it and come home then i'd call the cops and report it missing. his response was "you wouldn't dare do it cause you know what would happen" i hung up on him then immediately called the police and told them about my situation. i did not tell them my husband took it because they'd think it's a family dispute and decide to not get involved. i just reported it missing. 2 hours later i got a call from my husband saying he was back in town and was being held at our local police station. i went to the station and talked to the cops. my husband made a scene there swearing over and over that i gave him permission to take it and said i was acting out of jealousy and spite because he was going to attent a wedding that i was not invited to. i took my car and went home but he had to stay a little longer. he came home in the evening and went on a rage fit about how i created an awful situation and almost caused him to miss his brother's wedding. he called me vindictive, bitter and a lunatic to call the police on him and try to accuse him of stealing my car. he had to leave the same day to be able to be there with his family and decided to extent his stay and he still hasn't gotten back yet. right now his mom and brother are blasting me for what happened and calling me spiteful. [/INST] nta but i get the feeling that there is a lot more going on here. your husband sold his car to help pay for his brother's wedding? even though he needed it to commute? is your husband prone to making bad decisions? and he paid for his brother's wedding, even though you, his wife were not invited to it? i'm sorry, but what kind of marriage is this? </s>
AITA for telling my husband off for wanting me to let my infertile BIL and his wife experience child birth by being with me in the delivery room?	pleased read the full story. my husband's brother (bil 37) and his wife (sil 35) struggled with infertility for years after trying so much for long they decided to stop. but started...sort of living the experience of having a child by doing the things that parents do like getting a nursery (they removed it now) buying bany cothes, toys, attending school shows etc etc. i'm 7 months pregnant, and bil & sil has been asking many questions on what's it like to be expecting. it was bothersome with them getting involved but i grin & bear til they requested to be with me in the delivery room to experience child birth. i said no and stood firm but later discovered that my husband "volunteered" his place to give his brother and his wife both a chance to have this experience. we had a fight and i told him off. bil & sil came over later to try to "talk me" into it, i nicely said no but they pushed me so i blew up telling them their fertility problems aren't my fault (harsh i know and regret saying it) and told them to get therapy. sil started crying, bil asked me take time to think but i rudely said there was nothing to think about and my mind's already been made. they left and my husband starte raging, after yelling at me about how this is his child too and how rude and dismissive i was to his grieving and strugglig brother and wife, he told me to look him in the eyes and tell him if i would be happy to ruin his brother's marriage when i can do this small, yet graceful deed and help bil and wife "process" their trauma and finally make peace with it. i felt so much anger i cried, he told me to get over myself already and stop being purposefully selfish and petty. we're not talking now and he says it stays this way til i say yes, i might've acted cruel but i just wanted him as the father of my child to be with me and don't feel comfortable with bil & sil being there.	23,195	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tuh1hm/aita_for_telling_my_husband_off_for_wanting_me_to/	2022-04-02 11:47:27	nta - they do need therapy and it may be his child as well, but he doesn’t get to volunteer his place in the delivery room to them you and your alone decide who gets in and who doesn’t and at this point your husband doesn’t deserve to be there either	i am sorry, but your marriage is over. he won't talk to you until you say yes? there is something very wrong with him. nta. stay strong!	umm nta but your husband sure is. are you close to your parents? maybe you'd rather have your mom. giving birth is traumatic and stressful and wonderful and it's not about any of them. it's about you and the baby. i'm not joking, you could die, you are going to experience what amounts to a health crisis, you could be permanently injured. this is not the time for added stress. the most wonderful part about it is when it's over, but there's a long road to get there that you will need support. they have made this about them. these are some serious red flags. they are treating you like their incubator, not a woman about to put herself at incredible risk. i'd be scared to leave them alone with my child. any of them. you obviously cannot trust your husband to have your back or to respect your autonomy. if it was me, i'd be going home to my mother and getting a lawyer.	dude, that’s not okay. the people who are in the room are the mother-to-be’s support system. no one should ever ask to be in there. it is strictly up to the pregnant woman to decide who she thinks will best support her through the process. your husband cannot make that decision for you, and if he’s honestly willing to give up his place so easily, he should no longer be in there with you. him doing this is proof her does not support you. yes, this is your husbands child. but who is in the delivery room isn’t about the child, it’s about the mother. it’s legit called ‘labor support system’. who supports you throughout the labor. what your bil and sil want is to watch. they want to see what it’s like, but that isn’t what the role is about. them asking is way over the line. them pushing you is over the line. you‘re husband acting like a dick about it is over the line. none of these people are even supporting you now, so how can you expect them to once the time comes? right now, your husband is manipulating you. he’s flat out refusing to speak with you until you give in to his demands. not just that, but he’s causing you a crap ton of stress with this whole thing, putting the baby at risk. i would honestly stay with a family member or friend until you give birth, and let your husband know that if he doesn’t get his shit together, learn to support you and your decision, and clean up his attitude, not only will your bil & sil not be in the room, he won’t be either. i would seriously reconsider this marriage. he’s attempting to control you and force you to change decisions that are incredibly personal to suit his own desires. you haven’t even given birth yet, but he’s already telling you that if you don’t give in to his every demand, he’ll make your life hell. your bil&sil have absolutely no place in that room. it is not your job to help them fix their issues by ruining a very personal experience for yourself, and giving up on a support team that is so incredibly vital. they also have no place near your vagina. it isn’t your place to save their marriage. if you and this decision is what’s holding them together, they’re screwed either way. if you don’t set up this very clear boundary now, and decide to cave in just to make everyone happy, then prepare for this child to be raised by four people. they’ll also want to experience everything else, except for a really good therapist, because why bother with that when they can be coddled by their family? ’we could save their marriage!’ what, by ruining your own? nta. please, move out of that house, at least until you give birth. this man is putting you and your child at risk by his hostility.	nta. this is really fucking weird. how long will it be before "watching the birth" means "babysitting" where they actually pretend your baby is theirs? they need therapy and you and your husband need couples counseling.	oh hell no. it might be your husband’s child as well. but it’s your medical procedure. it’s you who’s lying there, exposed. it’s you giving birth.	nta. ask your husband how he would feel if he was naked in a room with your siblings, naked, with his penis bleeding from pushing a bowling ball out of his urethra? would he like that? i'm guessing no. i'd tell him that if he pushes the issue, then he will be banned from the delivery room as well. do yourself a favor: list yourself as private, and tell the labor nurses that you absolutely do not want anyone else in the room, give names and pictures as well. those l&d nurses are pros at playing defense. oh and by the way - and i don't mean to scare you, but there's nothing "graceful" about childbirth. i've seen a few in my career. your husband is delusional and in for a rude awakening.	i'm concerned husband may be planning to invent a reason why his wife isn't capable of raising the child (ppd, hormones, etc.) and try to give it to his brother. nta. i think you need to talk to the nurse or hospital admin in advance if possible, explain your fears, and ask if you can put in a directive about who is allowed in, which cannot be overturned even by your husband. people who set up a nursery and buy baby things when not pregnant actually need therapy not hate, but this is too intrusive.	nta so much. >after yelling at me about how this is his child too you are the one giving birth, not him. >my husband "volunteered" his place to give his brother and his wife that's not his decision to make. your delivery, your comfort zone, your choice. >help bil and wife "process" their trauma and finally make peace with it their trauma is not your responsibility and not worth going out of your comfort zone during an extremely stressful and private moment for you for. at this point it doesn't seem like experiencing childbirth would actually help them process anything anyway. where do they draw the line? will they have to be around for every little step in your child's life too? they need to process this, but being present at your childbirth is not the way.	>sil started crying, bil asked me take time to think but i rudely said there was nothing to think about and my mind's already been made. no, you firmly said there was nothing more to talk about. advocating for yourself and setting hard boundaries when you will be in one of the most vulnerable situations of your life is not only fine, it is your right as the person giving birth. don't apologize for this. birth is extremely stressful on the body and can become dangerous in a heartbeat, and you do not need anyone in the delivery room who doesn't absolutely need to be there. that includes your own husband, by the way. i've dealt with infertility myself, and while it does some pretty rough things to you emotionally, your bil and his wife are being way intrusively pushy. i can't imagine coercing or guilting my way anyone anyone's delivery room, not even my own daughter unless she actually wanted me there! nta. while yes, this is also your husband's child, it is your pregnancy and your birth. you are the one who will go through it and shoulder all the medical risks, not him. he is putting you in a terrible position by making you feel this way and he is 100% in the wrong. stand firm, do not compromise because your safety and well-being is at stake. and also be aware that if the big day comes and your husband is stressing you out, you can ask a nurse to make him leave. you are the patient, and not even the child's father is entitled to stay if the laboring mother doesn't want him there.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: pleased read the full story. my husband's brother (bil 37) and his wife (sil 35) struggled with infertility for years after trying so much for long they decided to stop. but started...sort of living the experience of having a child by doing the things that parents do like getting a nursery (they removed it now) buying bany cothes, toys, attending school shows etc etc. i'm 7 months pregnant, and bil & sil has been asking many questions on what's it like to be expecting. it was bothersome with them getting involved but i grin & bear til they requested to be with me in the delivery room to experience child birth. i said no and stood firm but later discovered that my husband "volunteered" his place to give his brother and his wife both a chance to have this experience. we had a fight and i told him off. bil & sil came over later to try to "talk me" into it, i nicely said no but they pushed me so i blew up telling them their fertility problems aren't my fault (harsh i know and regret saying it) and told them to get therapy. sil started crying, bil asked me take time to think but i rudely said there was nothing to think about and my mind's already been made. they left and my husband starte raging, after yelling at me about how this is his child too and how rude and dismissive i was to his grieving and strugglig brother and wife, he told me to look him in the eyes and tell him if i would be happy to ruin his brother's marriage when i can do this small, yet graceful deed and help bil and wife "process" their trauma and finally make peace with it. i felt so much anger i cried, he told me to get over myself already and stop being purposefully selfish and petty. we're not talking now and he says it stays this way til i say yes, i might've acted cruel but i just wanted him as the father of my child to be with me and don't feel comfortable with bil & sil being there.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> pleased read the full story. my husband's brother (bil 37) and his wife (sil 35) struggled with infertility for years after trying so much for long they decided to stop. but started...sort of living the experience of having a child by doing the things that parents do like getting a nursery (they removed it now) buying bany cothes, toys, attending school shows etc etc. i'm 7 months pregnant, and bil & sil has been asking many questions on what's it like to be expecting. it was bothersome with them getting involved but i grin & bear til they requested to be with me in the delivery room to experience child birth. i said no and stood firm but later discovered that my husband "volunteered" his place to give his brother and his wife both a chance to have this experience. we had a fight and i told him off. bil & sil came over later to try to "talk me" into it, i nicely said no but they pushed me so i blew up telling them their fertility problems aren't my fault (harsh i know and regret saying it) and told them to get therapy. sil started crying, bil asked me take time to think but i rudely said there was nothing to think about and my mind's already been made. they left and my husband starte raging, after yelling at me about how this is his child too and how rude and dismissive i was to his grieving and strugglig brother and wife, he told me to look him in the eyes and tell him if i would be happy to ruin his brother's marriage when i can do this small, yet graceful deed and help bil and wife "process" their trauma and finally make peace with it. i felt so much anger i cried, he told me to get over myself already and stop being purposefully selfish and petty. we're not talking now and he says it stays this way til i say yes, i might've acted cruel but i just wanted him as the father of my child to be with me and don't feel comfortable with bil & sil being there. [/INST] nta - they do need therapy and it may be his child as well, but he doesn’t get to volunteer his place in the delivery room to them you and your alone decide who gets in and who doesn’t and at this point your husband doesn’t deserve to be there either </s>
AITA for refusing to watch my sister's stepkid and exposing her lies to her husband?	my f/21 sister jess, f/30, is married and has a 5 yo stepson. her husband works full time and she is a sahm. every monday, she'd call my mom at 9am to get her to go over to her house and watch her stepkid for few hours, i live at home with my parents and so i've noticed this routine for weeks now. last week mom went out of town to visit some relatives, and yesterday (monday) at 9am my sister called asking me to come watch her stepkid for few hours because she had an important thing to do. i said no because i had to go study and also she does this every monday so clearly it wasn't important or urgent but she insisted it was, i told her sorry but no. she ended the call then i went to the university. hours later, i got a call from my brother in law asking where my sister was, i said i had no idea. he proceeded to tell me he just came home at 1pm and found his son by himself at the house. i was in shock that my sister left her stepkid by himself so she could go god knows where. i told him about the conversation i had with her and he got angry. in the evening my sister came over and started making a scene by yelling at me for bailing on her after she sent me a text message telling me she was already out the house to force me to come watch her stepson. i didn't see the fb message til she told me but she said i did this deliberately and also, exposed her to her husband because she told him she'd be at home with the kid. not just that, but i also told her husband that mom comes over every monday morning to watch the kid for few hours which caused a huge fight between him and my sister. she yelled that i was petty and selfish and just stirred shit and caused issues in her marriage by tattling to her husband. i couldn't keep arguing i went into my room and started playing music. my dad and the others said i was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict. aita? okay guys so i saw few questions asked multiple times so i'll just put the answers out here for all to see. 1) my brother in law's wife is deceased. 2) brother in law is always at work when my sister calls my mom to get her to come over and watch her stepson. 3) most of you guys are asking where my sister goes every monday, and i even saw someone mention that i was yta for not finding out, but i don't know anything, i have no idea what's going with my sister and i thought it was non of my business.	23,190	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s74e8q/aita_for_refusing_to_watch_my_sisters_stepkid_and/	2022-01-18 18:36:16	nta. so is your sister having an affair, or is she a drug addict?	nta a 30 year old does not need this coddling. she left a 5 year old alone for who knows how long to get into who knows what trouble. the 5 year old needs some coddling. not the grown woman who made a knowing and conscious decision to marry a man with a young son. hope he divorces her.	nta, this is bonkers. she left a 5 y.o. alone, counting on a messaging app on a social network and your sense of concern for a child to make sure her responsibilities were covered. i don't think going out one morning a week is a problem for a sahm, but lying to your husband about it and forcing your relatives to cover it? no, sir.	nta. i hope her husband questions her on what exactly she does and where she goes when she's supposed to be watching the kid. that's sketchy af.	nta and i can't believe your family members are saying you are. she left a 5 year old alone. she is the ah. also i'm nosy af, what does she do every monday????	nta. you are not the childcare. you do not have a contract or agreement to do it. she assumed she could guilt you into it at the last minute. good for you for standing your ground. she created this mess, not you. she will have to fix this mess, not you. her web of lies fell apart. i feel badly for the kid & bil (but bil made a choice, probably not the kid).	nta. but your sister sure is. as are your parents for enabling her lies to her husband. you didn't cause this, she did, with her lies. did she ever say what was so important every monday? a different guy maybe? you are definitely nta.	not only are you nta, but let's be extremely, exceptionally, absolutely crystal clear about something here: >my dad and the others said i was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict. you are not to blame for any of this. your sister is to blame for every single aspect of this, and there are plenty. just for fun, let's enumerate some of them: 1) you are not to blame for "not helping your sister" in a situation where she only needed help in the first place to cover up for a lie that she still hasn't come clean about, and which is likely seriously problematic, since she's been keeping it from her husband for weeks, if not longer. not helping someone be sneaky and dishonest is not a character flaw on your part. 2) you are absolutely not "the reason she and her husband are in conflict". she is a 30 year old woman who made a deliberate and voluntary choice to leave a 5-year-old child alone for hours. that's not just piss-poor judgement, it's child neglect and completely illegal. it's also not your responsibility. you didn't hold a gun to her head and force her not to take care of her stepchild, a responsibility she willingly took on and agreed to with her husband. she made that choice all by herself. in the eyes of the law she is completely culpable; and ethically she is as well. none of this is on you. 3) you are not to blame for the fact that she is seemingly incapable of taking responsibility for her own behaviour, and the rest of your family enable that, even when she endangers a child. nope. you are nta, and good for you for saying something to your brother-in-law. he deserves to know that his wife is a liar and a danger to his small child. you may be the only decent person in your family.	nta. a facebook msg??? jesus.	nta in the slightest. she choose to leave her stepson unattended. not you. she decided that a daily (and most likely not important) thing was more important than her stepson. not you. she choose to abuse the kindness of your parents. not you. she is at fault for getting herself exposed. not you. she decided to put her step child in danger. not you.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my f/21 sister jess, f/30, is married and has a 5 yo stepson. her husband works full time and she is a sahm. every monday, she'd call my mom at 9am to get her to go over to her house and watch her stepkid for few hours, i live at home with my parents and so i've noticed this routine for weeks now. last week mom went out of town to visit some relatives, and yesterday (monday) at 9am my sister called asking me to come watch her stepkid for few hours because she had an important thing to do. i said no because i had to go study and also she does this every monday so clearly it wasn't important or urgent but she insisted it was, i told her sorry but no. she ended the call then i went to the university. hours later, i got a call from my brother in law asking where my sister was, i said i had no idea. he proceeded to tell me he just came home at 1pm and found his son by himself at the house. i was in shock that my sister left her stepkid by himself so she could go god knows where. i told him about the conversation i had with her and he got angry. in the evening my sister came over and started making a scene by yelling at me for bailing on her after she sent me a text message telling me she was already out the house to force me to come watch her stepson. i didn't see the fb message til she told me but she said i did this deliberately and also, exposed her to her husband because she told him she'd be at home with the kid. not just that, but i also told her husband that mom comes over every monday morning to watch the kid for few hours which caused a huge fight between him and my sister. she yelled that i was petty and selfish and just stirred shit and caused issues in her marriage by tattling to her husband. i couldn't keep arguing i went into my room and started playing music. my dad and the others said i was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict. aita? okay guys so i saw few questions asked multiple times so i'll just put the answers out here for all to see. 1) my brother in law's wife is deceased. 2) brother in law is always at work when my sister calls my mom to get her to come over and watch her stepson. 3) most of you guys are asking where my sister goes every monday, and i even saw someone mention that i was yta for not finding out, but i don't know anything, i have no idea what's going with my sister and i thought it was non of my business.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my f/21 sister jess, f/30, is married and has a 5 yo stepson. her husband works full time and she is a sahm. every monday, she'd call my mom at 9am to get her to go over to her house and watch her stepkid for few hours, i live at home with my parents and so i've noticed this routine for weeks now. last week mom went out of town to visit some relatives, and yesterday (monday) at 9am my sister called asking me to come watch her stepkid for few hours because she had an important thing to do. i said no because i had to go study and also she does this every monday so clearly it wasn't important or urgent but she insisted it was, i told her sorry but no. she ended the call then i went to the university. hours later, i got a call from my brother in law asking where my sister was, i said i had no idea. he proceeded to tell me he just came home at 1pm and found his son by himself at the house. i was in shock that my sister left her stepkid by himself so she could go god knows where. i told him about the conversation i had with her and he got angry. in the evening my sister came over and started making a scene by yelling at me for bailing on her after she sent me a text message telling me she was already out the house to force me to come watch her stepson. i didn't see the fb message til she told me but she said i did this deliberately and also, exposed her to her husband because she told him she'd be at home with the kid. not just that, but i also told her husband that mom comes over every monday morning to watch the kid for few hours which caused a huge fight between him and my sister. she yelled that i was petty and selfish and just stirred shit and caused issues in her marriage by tattling to her husband. i couldn't keep arguing i went into my room and started playing music. my dad and the others said i was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict. aita? okay guys so i saw few questions asked multiple times so i'll just put the answers out here for all to see. 1) my brother in law's wife is deceased. 2) brother in law is always at work when my sister calls my mom to get her to come over and watch her stepson. 3) most of you guys are asking where my sister goes every monday, and i even saw someone mention that i was yta for not finding out, but i don't know anything, i have no idea what's going with my sister and i thought it was non of my business. [/INST] nta. so is your sister having an affair, or is she a drug addict? </s>
AITA for moving out and taking EVERYTHING	throw away for obvious reasons.	23,186	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihaau8/aita_for_moving_out_and_taking_everything/	2020-08-26 23:46:56	nta, lol.....i do love the nuclear option of moving out from shitty room mates. your assets are yours, not his. take all that is yours and leave him to his sex-toy infested display area to enjoy. you've done more than most would do in this situation and made it right by the land lord. move on and enjoy your stress free life with kitty cat.	nta, let me get this straight, your 'friend' was harassing you, abusing your cat and planned to up and leave you with a massive bill for his rent and his unpaid rent and people are telling you that you're the asshole for getting out of there and leaving him with all of the problems of his own making? he and his girlfriend have made their bed, now it is time for them to lie in it. it also sounds like your parents are supporting you because they know you're in the right, but calling you the asshole because his family are taking out their issues on them. they need to deal with the family instead of telling you you're the asshole because they have to deal with the other family's bs. also, you could probably post this in one of the revenge subreddits, probably prorevenge.	nta they were nightmares, and it sounds like he got to the point of mistreating your cat, so why the hell should he complain that you took your cat with you?	nta they were purposefully antagonizing you. what you did was drastic, but it's no different than what they were going to do. they were planning on moving out without telling you (or at least they were planning on moving out and hadn't told you). you just moved out without telling them. it's worse for them because you provided them all the stuff they liked, but it doesn't make the action any different. you had good reason to believe they would have done something bad if you had told them because they were already purposefully trying to make your life worse. they are already planning on moving out. they can live a couple weeks with no furniture.		nta. you took your things. it's not your fault he wasn't adult enough to get his own furniture. also, you just screwed them over before they could screw you over and, frankly, it sounds like they deserved it. i mean sex toys and condoms in common spaces? fucking gross	nta honestly, they were basically asking for it. if it wasn’t for the part where they’d been discussing moving out without telling you, i’d say e s h because you didn’t talk to them prior to such a big move. yet, because of their attitude and them discussing moving plans behind your back, i’d say they got what they deserved.	nta. this guy is an animal abuser, you owe him nothing. "my friend began locking my cat in small cages and putting her the shower."	nta: your stuff is your stuff. you took everything you bought, and thats ok. good thing you brought the kitty too.	nta. block them and forget about them. i'd do the same the moment they started to abuse my cat. it's unforgivable.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throw away for obvious reasons.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throw away for obvious reasons. [/INST] nta, lol.....i do love the nuclear option of moving out from shitty room mates. your assets are yours, not his. take all that is yours and leave him to his sex-toy infested display area to enjoy. you've done more than most would do in this situation and made it right by the land lord. move on and enjoy your stress free life with kitty cat. </s>
AITA for tipping our waitress 20 dollars despite her poor service, because my date was playing a "game" with her tips?	i met a guy on a dating app, we hit it off and we arranged for our first date. things were going well, we had sat down and had started some small chat. our waitress comes over asking us what we want to order. i say what i want and gesture to him so he can order. he orders and then pulls what i think is about 15 dollars on the table. he says "this is your tip. everytime you mess up, i take some away". the waitress looked nervous immediately. i'm sitting there a bit shocked, but mostly embarrassed because i wasn't expecting this. she must have been new as well, because she did spill some drinks on our table that night, gave us the wrong food, and overall just seemed lost. he took away 13 dollars. i asked him why he thought doing tips this way was a good idea. he said it was the best way to ensure "good service". when i disagreed he said "cant always be nice to these people, it's not a respectable job". i decided then that i wanted nothing to do with him, and called the waitress over to get the bill. i slapped a 20 dollar bill in her hand and got up to pay for my own meal. later that night he had demanded to know why i had given her the tip despite her poor service and i told him it's because he decided to treat her livelihood like it was a game. he said because of me she'll never improve her service and that i'm just a people pleaser. i blocked him, but i've wondered ever since if that was really the right thing to do. aita?	23,175	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/she0ws/aita_for_tipping_our_waitress_20_dollars_despite/	2022-01-31 22:19:38	nta - so he made her nervous, which likely made her service worse then, then he has the absolute gal to say “can’t always be nice to these people, it’s not a respectable job” what??? he is using the service she provides and yet insulting her and all the people who share the same job jesus above	nta. that kind of game isn't even remotely a good way to "ensure good service" it's a good way to fluster your server into making even more mistakes cause they're too hyper aware that they're being judged.	nta. that kind of “game” is only played by rude folk who have no respect for those they deem “below” them. that poor waitstaff didn’t deserve to be treated like trash because of her job, because she was new, because she’s human and not a perfectly functioning robot. kindness is free.	nta you were terrific...although as soon as i saw the "the game" i would have just left. why waste time, energy and talk on a prick?	nta. i wish that $20 in her hand wasn't the only thing you slapped that night. good on you for doing the right thing.	nta - his way of tipping is a dick move. i've heard of that before and if i was a waiter, i would be offended by this garbage and wouldn't wait on him. it's a horrible way to treat people. mind you, we're still in the middle of a pandemic and things don't go right. restaurants are short staffed and not all food is available. she could "lose" tip money on things she cannot control. this is just bullshit. move on, lose that guy.	nta - i'm glad you ditched the guy. that's just cruel! "these people" who does this guy think he is!	nta - if he is willing to treat a stranger with that much disrespect, how is he going to treat you?	[removed]	nta. bullet dodged with that guy.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i met a guy on a dating app, we hit it off and we arranged for our first date. things were going well, we had sat down and had started some small chat. our waitress comes over asking us what we want to order. i say what i want and gesture to him so he can order. he orders and then pulls what i think is about 15 dollars on the table. he says "this is your tip. everytime you mess up, i take some away". the waitress looked nervous immediately. i'm sitting there a bit shocked, but mostly embarrassed because i wasn't expecting this. she must have been new as well, because she did spill some drinks on our table that night, gave us the wrong food, and overall just seemed lost. he took away 13 dollars. i asked him why he thought doing tips this way was a good idea. he said it was the best way to ensure "good service". when i disagreed he said "cant always be nice to these people, it's not a respectable job". i decided then that i wanted nothing to do with him, and called the waitress over to get the bill. i slapped a 20 dollar bill in her hand and got up to pay for my own meal. later that night he had demanded to know why i had given her the tip despite her poor service and i told him it's because he decided to treat her livelihood like it was a game. he said because of me she'll never improve her service and that i'm just a people pleaser. i blocked him, but i've wondered ever since if that was really the right thing to do. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i met a guy on a dating app, we hit it off and we arranged for our first date. things were going well, we had sat down and had started some small chat. our waitress comes over asking us what we want to order. i say what i want and gesture to him so he can order. he orders and then pulls what i think is about 15 dollars on the table. he says "this is your tip. everytime you mess up, i take some away". the waitress looked nervous immediately. i'm sitting there a bit shocked, but mostly embarrassed because i wasn't expecting this. she must have been new as well, because she did spill some drinks on our table that night, gave us the wrong food, and overall just seemed lost. he took away 13 dollars. i asked him why he thought doing tips this way was a good idea. he said it was the best way to ensure "good service". when i disagreed he said "cant always be nice to these people, it's not a respectable job". i decided then that i wanted nothing to do with him, and called the waitress over to get the bill. i slapped a 20 dollar bill in her hand and got up to pay for my own meal. later that night he had demanded to know why i had given her the tip despite her poor service and i told him it's because he decided to treat her livelihood like it was a game. he said because of me she'll never improve her service and that i'm just a people pleaser. i blocked him, but i've wondered ever since if that was really the right thing to do. aita? [/INST] nta - so he made her nervous, which likely made her service worse then, then he has the absolute gal to say “can’t always be nice to these people, it’s not a respectable job” what??? he is using the service she provides and yet insulting her and all the people who share the same job jesus above </s>
AITA for making my parents choose between my sister going to jail or replacing my car with their vacation money.	i (f17) live with my parents. i have an older sister (29) that they had when they were super young. like i think my mom was 19 and my dad was 18. they did not do a great job with her and she has a lot of problems. she is chronically unemployed and she is a thief. she has two kids that are okay. they live with us as well because her boyfriend didn't want them around. i like the kids but they are spoiled little brats my parents dote on to make up for being shitty parents to their mom. my parents won't let me put a lock on my door because it is their house and they don't want that. no problem. i talked to the kids and explained about what would happen if they came into my room without permission. we have an understanding. well my sister broke up with her boyfriend and she needed a place to stay. i begged my parents not to let her stay with us. they declined. so i begged again for a lock for my door. no dice. i have to go to school so i can't guard my stuff at all times. when i came home on friday i found my car absolutely trashed and the side of it destroyed. my sister had gone into my room, found my spare key and taken my car. then lost control on the ice after a day of eating crap and tossing fast food wrappers everywhere. she sideswiped a tree. when i saw my car i was livid. i told my parents that i expected her to pay to fix it. they said she didn't have any money. so i said that i would call my grandparents. they had helped me get the car and insurance. after talking with my grandfather i came back to talk to my parents. i said that the insurance would cover fixing or replacing my car depending on the damage. but that i would have to file a police report. and that my sister would probably be charged for stealing my car. they begged me to tell insurance that she had permission. i said nope. so rather than go through insurance they are replacing my car. but they are using money that they had sett aside to take me and my nieces to orlando next summer for my graduation. it's fine. i can do without seeing disney world again. but my parents, sister, and nieces are upset with me and saying that i'm an asshole for denying my nieces the opportunity to go on a vacation that they have never had. i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. aita? #edit hey. i just got home from school. there is a deadbolt on my bedroom door. and my mom gave me a key. she says that she is keeping the other one for emergency. i agreed as long as it was only for emergencies.	23,161	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zkasxa/aita_for_making_my_parents_choose_between_my/	2022-12-12 20:42:40	nta - "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" >i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. legend	nta, and you still need a lock.	nta, your parents could go the cheaper route and send your sister to jail for grand theft and teach her they won’t always bail her out, then no “ruined” vacation either	"honestly, the more i think about it, the more i'm thinking that we should just report it to the police and let the chips fall where they may. after all, sister did steal my car, and you are right that it's not fair to nieces to have to miss the trip because of sister's decision to break your trust and break the law. and the last thing i want is to be responsible for nieces missing out. so let's just report it to the police." nta. while i understand families deciding to handle situations like this within the family, rather than reporting it to the authorities, that is dependent on the wrongdoer being genuinely sorry for their mistake. but your sister isn't sorry. not even a little. otherwise, she would recognize that her choice took the trip away from her children, and not be constantly trying to guilt or blame you.	nta and that last line killed me. 🤣😍🤣 just one thought about that lock- would they agree if you offered to give one of them a spare key? that seems pretty reasonable to me.	nta and your parents are still bad parents to her and to her kids. letting kids get away with everything and not having to face consequences is, imo, abusive because then they have no idea how to function in the real world. if your parents had actually learned anything about parenting, they'd make your sister deal with this or would at least force her to get a job to repay them... if they did that, then the kids wouldn't miss out on disney. every single aspect of this has been your parents' fault, and they are still failing.	but nobody blames your sister? criminy. nta	i would find a safer spot then your parents house for all your important documents. social security card, passport, birth certificate, anything like that. maybe keep it at your grandparents.	nta your parents are toxic and your sister is a rat. its about time for your sister to realize that she cant get away with this at all. and its time for your parents to stop condoning your sisters behavior as well. file the police report. that will scare your sister straight. and maybe she'll think twice next time. if she hasn't killed herself from her recklessness.	you're right, a lock would have been cheaper nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f17) live with my parents. i have an older sister (29) that they had when they were super young. like i think my mom was 19 and my dad was 18. they did not do a great job with her and she has a lot of problems. she is chronically unemployed and she is a thief. she has two kids that are okay. they live with us as well because her boyfriend didn't want them around. i like the kids but they are spoiled little brats my parents dote on to make up for being shitty parents to their mom. my parents won't let me put a lock on my door because it is their house and they don't want that. no problem. i talked to the kids and explained about what would happen if they came into my room without permission. we have an understanding. well my sister broke up with her boyfriend and she needed a place to stay. i begged my parents not to let her stay with us. they declined. so i begged again for a lock for my door. no dice. i have to go to school so i can't guard my stuff at all times. when i came home on friday i found my car absolutely trashed and the side of it destroyed. my sister had gone into my room, found my spare key and taken my car. then lost control on the ice after a day of eating crap and tossing fast food wrappers everywhere. she sideswiped a tree. when i saw my car i was livid. i told my parents that i expected her to pay to fix it. they said she didn't have any money. so i said that i would call my grandparents. they had helped me get the car and insurance. after talking with my grandfather i came back to talk to my parents. i said that the insurance would cover fixing or replacing my car depending on the damage. but that i would have to file a police report. and that my sister would probably be charged for stealing my car. they begged me to tell insurance that she had permission. i said nope. so rather than go through insurance they are replacing my car. but they are using money that they had sett aside to take me and my nieces to orlando next summer for my graduation. it's fine. i can do without seeing disney world again. but my parents, sister, and nieces are upset with me and saying that i'm an asshole for denying my nieces the opportunity to go on a vacation that they have never had. i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. aita? #edit hey. i just got home from school. there is a deadbolt on my bedroom door. and my mom gave me a key. she says that she is keeping the other one for emergency. i agreed as long as it was only for emergencies.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (f17) live with my parents. i have an older sister (29) that they had when they were super young. like i think my mom was 19 and my dad was 18. they did not do a great job with her and she has a lot of problems. she is chronically unemployed and she is a thief. she has two kids that are okay. they live with us as well because her boyfriend didn't want them around. i like the kids but they are spoiled little brats my parents dote on to make up for being shitty parents to their mom. my parents won't let me put a lock on my door because it is their house and they don't want that. no problem. i talked to the kids and explained about what would happen if they came into my room without permission. we have an understanding. well my sister broke up with her boyfriend and she needed a place to stay. i begged my parents not to let her stay with us. they declined. so i begged again for a lock for my door. no dice. i have to go to school so i can't guard my stuff at all times. when i came home on friday i found my car absolutely trashed and the side of it destroyed. my sister had gone into my room, found my spare key and taken my car. then lost control on the ice after a day of eating crap and tossing fast food wrappers everywhere. she sideswiped a tree. when i saw my car i was livid. i told my parents that i expected her to pay to fix it. they said she didn't have any money. so i said that i would call my grandparents. they had helped me get the car and insurance. after talking with my grandfather i came back to talk to my parents. i said that the insurance would cover fixing or replacing my car depending on the damage. but that i would have to file a police report. and that my sister would probably be charged for stealing my car. they begged me to tell insurance that she had permission. i said nope. so rather than go through insurance they are replacing my car. but they are using money that they had sett aside to take me and my nieces to orlando next summer for my graduation. it's fine. i can do without seeing disney world again. but my parents, sister, and nieces are upset with me and saying that i'm an asshole for denying my nieces the opportunity to go on a vacation that they have never had. i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. aita? #edit hey. i just got home from school. there is a deadbolt on my bedroom door. and my mom gave me a key. she says that she is keeping the other one for emergency. i agreed as long as it was only for emergencies. [/INST] nta - "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" >i just asked them if a lock for my door would have been cheaper. legend </s>
AITA For my reaction when my 30yo fiancè exchanged his gift with my 16yo brother?.	i f26 been with my fiancè for 3 years. we both work and we both share rent and other expenses. but my fiancè is currently looking for a new job. he lost his old job 3 months ago. my family lives 30min away and although it's been difficult this year i decided to get my brother (who has a chronic condition and struggled a lot lately and was in the hospital for a few days for anemia) the one thing he's been wanting for some time. i got him an xbox that cost me 300$. he was so happy and i'm glad i was able to cheer him up during those times. my fiancè received a few gifts from his family. but he wasn't happy with any of them. i got him a perfume and he liked it. we were visiting my family and we had dinner with them. my fiancè looked at the xbox i got for my brother and didn't stop talking about it. my parents noticed, i told him to stop complaining about what he got/didn't get this year. that made them uncomfortable especially since they've been dealing with my brother's health issues and needed to relax. we got home and my fiancè took something from the closet and left for about an hour. i was asleep when he came back. in the morning i was surprised to find my brother's xbox in the closet. i woke him and asked him about it. turned out he dropped me off drove back to my family's house and exchanged the gift his aunt gave him (a 14$ fancy pen) with my brother's xbox. he said that my brother was happy to exchange gifts. i was so mad i told him this wasn't for him and he basically took something that is not his. not to mention a pen for an xbox, that's ridiculous. he told me that maybe i shouldn't have spent 300 while trying to pay for rent. i told him as long as i can pay rent that's not a problem. and that he needs to find a job if he thinks my money isn't enough. i called my mom and i found out that they didn't actually exchange gifts. my fiancè pressured my brother into giving him his xbox. i was livid and so mad i told him to take the xbox back to my brother but he said it was between him and my brother but i insisted. he refused so i ended up taking it myself. my fiancè argued when i took it and said that i was pressuring him and treating him poorly and have no respect for his feelings. i told him he was wrong to make my brother give him his gift and causing him stress and ruining his joy. i apologized to my brother and my parents and i felt awful because of how my fiancè behaved. my fiancè isn't talking to me saying that i have no consideration for his feelings and not understanding how he feels not having money to buy himself the things he likes. i'm surprised because he has never done anything like this before. i get that he's struggling with finding a job but this is not an excuse.	23,147	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kkkb53/aita_for_my_reaction_when_my_30yo_fiancè/	2020-12-26 15:33:01	nta you may want to consider trading in the fiancé though......	info: why are you with this asshole? like, what redeeming qualities does he possess?	nta. he practically stole a gift meant for someone who deserved it more than he did. hope your brother is alright, op.	nta your fiancé is.... well, how do i say this delicately? hyperfocused on his own emotions to the point of ignoring both social norms and other people’s boundaries.	nta, i’m really sorry but your fiancé low-key sounds like the worst person ever, pressuring a chronically ill 16 year old to exchange his 300$ xbox for a pen is not cool. definitely nta, i would consider breaking off the engagement tbh :/	nta. that's gross, tbh. your fiancé is a grown man. your brother is a teenager struggling with chronic health issues. fiancé is acting like a brat. he didn't have an issue with you spending $300 on an xbox, he had an issue with you spending $300 on an xbox that wasn't for him. he was also deceitful to you, pushed past your brother's boundaries, and displayed a disregard for your whole family just so that he could get what he wanted. are you reevaluating your imminent marriage yet? because you probably should.	nta sounds like your little brother's more mature, appreciative, and kind than your fiance. if he wants to discuss finances he can do that like an adult, he should not shame you and manipulate a child.	your fiancé took advantage of an ill teenage boy under your parents roof during a family gathering and tried to lie about it. he manipulated your brother, the situation and gaslit you. this is a big red flag. if he can do this to your brother, how do you think he will take advantage of you in the future? this was a calculated manipulation of a minor. this is your first warning. don’t wait for more. run!	op run 1) he feels your money belongs to him. 2) he saw something he wanted and guilted a child to giving it to him 3) he tried gaslighting you to believe your brother agreed to this outrageous exchange. 4) he sees no issue in his behaviour and tried defending it. most abusive partners hide their true personality until marriage or they have caused you to lose all ties to your family. this one gave you a glimpse at it early. what happens if he doesn’t like the gifts you give them next year? how is he going to react if you treat yourself to something nice. what if you do something he doesn’t agree with. it’s not a far leap until he feels like he is entitled to you and your obedience. run before the stakes get any higher. edited for spelling.	nta. he's 30, but he has the mental capacity of a 13-year-old. are you sure this is the kind of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f26 been with my fiancè for 3 years. we both work and we both share rent and other expenses. but my fiancè is currently looking for a new job. he lost his old job 3 months ago. my family lives 30min away and although it's been difficult this year i decided to get my brother (who has a chronic condition and struggled a lot lately and was in the hospital for a few days for anemia) the one thing he's been wanting for some time. i got him an xbox that cost me 300$. he was so happy and i'm glad i was able to cheer him up during those times. my fiancè received a few gifts from his family. but he wasn't happy with any of them. i got him a perfume and he liked it. we were visiting my family and we had dinner with them. my fiancè looked at the xbox i got for my brother and didn't stop talking about it. my parents noticed, i told him to stop complaining about what he got/didn't get this year. that made them uncomfortable especially since they've been dealing with my brother's health issues and needed to relax. we got home and my fiancè took something from the closet and left for about an hour. i was asleep when he came back. in the morning i was surprised to find my brother's xbox in the closet. i woke him and asked him about it. turned out he dropped me off drove back to my family's house and exchanged the gift his aunt gave him (a 14$ fancy pen) with my brother's xbox. he said that my brother was happy to exchange gifts. i was so mad i told him this wasn't for him and he basically took something that is not his. not to mention a pen for an xbox, that's ridiculous. he told me that maybe i shouldn't have spent 300 while trying to pay for rent. i told him as long as i can pay rent that's not a problem. and that he needs to find a job if he thinks my money isn't enough. i called my mom and i found out that they didn't actually exchange gifts. my fiancè pressured my brother into giving him his xbox. i was livid and so mad i told him to take the xbox back to my brother but he said it was between him and my brother but i insisted. he refused so i ended up taking it myself. my fiancè argued when i took it and said that i was pressuring him and treating him poorly and have no respect for his feelings. i told him he was wrong to make my brother give him his gift and causing him stress and ruining his joy. i apologized to my brother and my parents and i felt awful because of how my fiancè behaved. my fiancè isn't talking to me saying that i have no consideration for his feelings and not understanding how he feels not having money to buy himself the things he likes. i'm surprised because he has never done anything like this before. i get that he's struggling with finding a job but this is not an excuse.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i f26 been with my fiancè for 3 years. we both work and we both share rent and other expenses. but my fiancè is currently looking for a new job. he lost his old job 3 months ago. my family lives 30min away and although it's been difficult this year i decided to get my brother (who has a chronic condition and struggled a lot lately and was in the hospital for a few days for anemia) the one thing he's been wanting for some time. i got him an xbox that cost me 300$. he was so happy and i'm glad i was able to cheer him up during those times. my fiancè received a few gifts from his family. but he wasn't happy with any of them. i got him a perfume and he liked it. we were visiting my family and we had dinner with them. my fiancè looked at the xbox i got for my brother and didn't stop talking about it. my parents noticed, i told him to stop complaining about what he got/didn't get this year. that made them uncomfortable especially since they've been dealing with my brother's health issues and needed to relax. we got home and my fiancè took something from the closet and left for about an hour. i was asleep when he came back. in the morning i was surprised to find my brother's xbox in the closet. i woke him and asked him about it. turned out he dropped me off drove back to my family's house and exchanged the gift his aunt gave him (a 14$ fancy pen) with my brother's xbox. he said that my brother was happy to exchange gifts. i was so mad i told him this wasn't for him and he basically took something that is not his. not to mention a pen for an xbox, that's ridiculous. he told me that maybe i shouldn't have spent 300 while trying to pay for rent. i told him as long as i can pay rent that's not a problem. and that he needs to find a job if he thinks my money isn't enough. i called my mom and i found out that they didn't actually exchange gifts. my fiancè pressured my brother into giving him his xbox. i was livid and so mad i told him to take the xbox back to my brother but he said it was between him and my brother but i insisted. he refused so i ended up taking it myself. my fiancè argued when i took it and said that i was pressuring him and treating him poorly and have no respect for his feelings. i told him he was wrong to make my brother give him his gift and causing him stress and ruining his joy. i apologized to my brother and my parents and i felt awful because of how my fiancè behaved. my fiancè isn't talking to me saying that i have no consideration for his feelings and not understanding how he feels not having money to buy himself the things he likes. i'm surprised because he has never done anything like this before. i get that he's struggling with finding a job but this is not an excuse. [/INST] nta you may want to consider trading in the fiancé though...... </s>
AITA for telling people my sister had an abortion.	i'm 99% sure i'm a megga asshole but i came here to just be sure. my sister 23f is a megga pro life advocate, here is the stupid part, i held her hand a year ago when she got her abortion. she never mentions it and i can guarantee that i'm the only one who knew. i always feel like she is being super hypocritical because she got an easy access to have an abortion and then wants to take that away from others. i was getting sick of seeing her abortion kills babys posts and how she hates pro choice people so i decided to comment on one of her posts. i commented, you where definitely pro life when i held your had last year at the abortion clinic. i've now been blocked and she was banned from most of her pro life fb groups. aita?	23,136	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c2esxa/aita_for_telling_people_my_sister_had_an_abortion/	2019-06-19 09:14:04	esh but this is a good reminder that statistically women who are anti-choice are just as likely to have had an abortion than women who are pro-choice. weirdly.	esh but your sister sucks more. these "every abortion is immoral except my own" type people are the worst.	esh but i'm not even mad at you for it though.	nta - this is becoming a problem in society. back-alley actions that don't align with your true views. if you are truly a proponent of something, it should not only be when it benefits you. she is not pro-life if she had an abortion that's plain and simple. she was pro-choice for her own sake, she can't pick and choose when she is pro-choice that the basic cause of being pro-choice is it is up to the women/father to choose. i don't understand why people have such a hard time realizing this. back to telling everyone about it, your doing something of asshole quality but not necessarily an asshole. she's the asshole for being subjective to her beliefs.	nta - hypocrites should be called out. especially when they're trying to limit other people's rights. think most people have it wrong here. now if she told her story and how much she regretted getting an abortion, that would be different, but then you wouldn't have to call her out.	esh. she seems like a hypocrite and there seems to be a lot of shame on her part, but still doesn't make it your business to tell anyone about it. you're both adults and could've handled it without making a scene.	esh, but i applaud you for calling out a hypocrite. i think it's worth being an asshole for.	as a proud pro-choice advocate, i 100% understand and sympathize with your frustration and motivation. but good heavens this is an awful and unforgivable thing to do to a sibling. you violated her privacy, and you treated her like a social media troll instead of your sister. yta.	info was she pro life before she had her abortion?	nta	ESH	ESH	ESH	NTA	NTA	ESH	ESH	YTA	INFO	NTA	0.652365	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 99% sure i'm a megga asshole but i came here to just be sure. my sister 23f is a megga pro life advocate, here is the stupid part, i held her hand a year ago when she got her abortion. she never mentions it and i can guarantee that i'm the only one who knew. i always feel like she is being super hypocritical because she got an easy access to have an abortion and then wants to take that away from others. i was getting sick of seeing her abortion kills babys posts and how she hates pro choice people so i decided to comment on one of her posts. i commented, you where definitely pro life when i held your had last year at the abortion clinic. i've now been blocked and she was banned from most of her pro life fb groups. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm 99% sure i'm a megga asshole but i came here to just be sure. my sister 23f is a megga pro life advocate, here is the stupid part, i held her hand a year ago when she got her abortion. she never mentions it and i can guarantee that i'm the only one who knew. i always feel like she is being super hypocritical because she got an easy access to have an abortion and then wants to take that away from others. i was getting sick of seeing her abortion kills babys posts and how she hates pro choice people so i decided to comment on one of her posts. i commented, you where definitely pro life when i held your had last year at the abortion clinic. i've now been blocked and she was banned from most of her pro life fb groups. aita? [/INST] esh but this is a good reminder that statistically women who are anti-choice are just as likely to have had an abortion than women who are pro-choice. weirdly. </s>
AITA for making my son deal with rotting meat	i go hunting every year. i'm not a trophy hunter by any means i do it for meat and almost purely for economic reasons at this point. taking a few of deer off my property once a year keeps my freezer stocked and the grocery bill way down which is important because finances can be tight sometimes. as a little relevant background the bulk of the meat is kept in a large freezer in the garage and about once a week we pull out what we will need for the next week or so. which means the freezer is normally only opened about once a week. my son (15) has decided that he is vegetarian about 6 months ago which my wife and i have no problems with. we started making meatless meals twice a week and made sure every other dinner was such that the meat was separate from everything else so he could still eat with us. this has been working great for the last 6 months with no complaints. however, last week when i pulled the meat for the week out of our freezer in the garage he decided to come behind me and unplug the freezer. i guess he thought we weren't doing enough to support his cause? he never spoke to us or complained about our twice a week set up prior to unplugging the freezer. well as you can imagine with a now unrefrigerated pile of meat in the summer heat it didn't take long for the meat to start to rot and stink. the freezer kept the smell in for a while so by the time we finally noticed everything was completely putrid. i asked my son if he knew what happened and he proudly said that he had unplugged it on purpose and now we would have to be meat free. i told him that he didn't have the right to ruin a freezer full of meat and raise the families grocery bill without discussing it with anyone. i told him that as part of his punishment he had to clean up his mess. meaning dispose of all of the rotting meat and either sufficiently clean and sanitize the freezer or purchase a new one out of his savings. he called me the ah for making him interact with meat in any form. but he made the mess he needs to clean it up. aita?	23,126	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oop8kg/aita_for_making_my_son_deal_with_rotting_meat/	2021-07-21 12:51:28	nta, i’m a vegetarian myself and i’d argue what he’s done is worse because the deer have now died for no reason. plus it’s not okay for him to intentionally ruin the family’s groceries and waste money buying a new freezer might be overkill but i don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to clean it	1000% nta, i'm plant based(	nta. and i have also smelled the very specific and unforgettable smell of a freezer full of game some asshat left unplugged for a year. he will never forget this lesson. he will need:a ttvek painter’s suit from a home improvement store, gloves, goggles, and like 6 jars of vicks vapo rub. and it still won’t be enough! and warn the neighbors.	vegetarian here. nta. this kid absolutely deserves to scrub that thing until it shines. what he did was deplorable in so many ways.	nta. wasted meat is worse than consumed meat. does he know you'll probably hunt more now? how silly. also forcing your beliefs on others is just stupid. it never works and makes your viewpoint seem more extreme.	nta. i think that was agreat way to handle this situation. your son has no right to dictate how you will eat, just like you have no right to dictate how he eats. i think this is a fair and just punishment, and hopefully it will stick with him for a while. hopefully it also comes with a conversation about how he doesn't get to make choices for other people.	nta - he should not only have to clean it up but he should also have to help pay to replace it. at 15yo he knew what he was doing when he unplugged that freezer.. if he doesn’t have an actual paying job he needs to be doing extra work around the house to help pay for the hundreds of dollars worth of meat that was destroyed for his “cause” play stupid games, win stupid prizes..	nta - this is a good, if smelly, teaching moment. actions have consequences. this is a lesson he will not forget. you should also show him how the destruction of these resources are going to have an economic impact on your family and he may miss out on some activities because of your increased food budget.	nta - this is the second post in a week when a teen harms someone or something in order to make their point about being vegan! my response then and now is; he has every right to have his own beliefs and morals - yet imposing them on others (and in turn harming others) makes it moot and comes with consequences. while you actively worked to support his beliefs, (and many parents would have dismissed it as a phase/not their problem) he didn't appreciate it and instead punished your entire family. if he continues to baulk at his punishment, remind him you are still respecting him by not forcing him to purchase the equal value of the ruined meat. also, remind him while you were grateful and respectful of the animal -- he made the animals death a waste - which is completely counterintuitive to his beliefs!!	nta what a beautiful example of natural consequences. you sabotage your family’s food, you have to clean it up. perfection. i’d also make him sit with you while you work out the family’s budget to see exactly the kind of deficit he caused by doing this. and the extra needed to cover all the meat he ruined? in my house he’d be helping with that expense, either by paying directly or it coming out of his extra curriculars budget or working it off in extra chores. actions have consequences and it is completely appropriate that he be hit with serious ones for doing this.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i go hunting every year. i'm not a trophy hunter by any means i do it for meat and almost purely for economic reasons at this point. taking a few of deer off my property once a year keeps my freezer stocked and the grocery bill way down which is important because finances can be tight sometimes. as a little relevant background the bulk of the meat is kept in a large freezer in the garage and about once a week we pull out what we will need for the next week or so. which means the freezer is normally only opened about once a week. my son (15) has decided that he is vegetarian about 6 months ago which my wife and i have no problems with. we started making meatless meals twice a week and made sure every other dinner was such that the meat was separate from everything else so he could still eat with us. this has been working great for the last 6 months with no complaints. however, last week when i pulled the meat for the week out of our freezer in the garage he decided to come behind me and unplug the freezer. i guess he thought we weren't doing enough to support his cause? he never spoke to us or complained about our twice a week set up prior to unplugging the freezer. well as you can imagine with a now unrefrigerated pile of meat in the summer heat it didn't take long for the meat to start to rot and stink. the freezer kept the smell in for a while so by the time we finally noticed everything was completely putrid. i asked my son if he knew what happened and he proudly said that he had unplugged it on purpose and now we would have to be meat free. i told him that he didn't have the right to ruin a freezer full of meat and raise the families grocery bill without discussing it with anyone. i told him that as part of his punishment he had to clean up his mess. meaning dispose of all of the rotting meat and either sufficiently clean and sanitize the freezer or purchase a new one out of his savings. he called me the ah for making him interact with meat in any form. but he made the mess he needs to clean it up. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i go hunting every year. i'm not a trophy hunter by any means i do it for meat and almost purely for economic reasons at this point. taking a few of deer off my property once a year keeps my freezer stocked and the grocery bill way down which is important because finances can be tight sometimes. as a little relevant background the bulk of the meat is kept in a large freezer in the garage and about once a week we pull out what we will need for the next week or so. which means the freezer is normally only opened about once a week. my son (15) has decided that he is vegetarian about 6 months ago which my wife and i have no problems with. we started making meatless meals twice a week and made sure every other dinner was such that the meat was separate from everything else so he could still eat with us. this has been working great for the last 6 months with no complaints. however, last week when i pulled the meat for the week out of our freezer in the garage he decided to come behind me and unplug the freezer. i guess he thought we weren't doing enough to support his cause? he never spoke to us or complained about our twice a week set up prior to unplugging the freezer. well as you can imagine with a now unrefrigerated pile of meat in the summer heat it didn't take long for the meat to start to rot and stink. the freezer kept the smell in for a while so by the time we finally noticed everything was completely putrid. i asked my son if he knew what happened and he proudly said that he had unplugged it on purpose and now we would have to be meat free. i told him that he didn't have the right to ruin a freezer full of meat and raise the families grocery bill without discussing it with anyone. i told him that as part of his punishment he had to clean up his mess. meaning dispose of all of the rotting meat and either sufficiently clean and sanitize the freezer or purchase a new one out of his savings. he called me the ah for making him interact with meat in any form. but he made the mess he needs to clean it up. aita? [/INST] nta, i’m a vegetarian myself and i’d argue what he’s done is worse because the deer have now died for no reason. plus it’s not okay for him to intentionally ruin the family’s groceries and waste money buying a new freezer might be overkill but i don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to clean it </s>
WIBTA if I report the nurse practitioner at urgent care to HR for basically slut shaming me?	i've \[f21\] recently encountered a new sexual partner. we used a condom, but after words i felt a little uneasy as to this was the first time i have ever hooked up with someone i just met. my previous sexual partners have all been someone i have developed deep connections with in some kind of way. while condoms greatly reduce the chance of contracting a sti, it cannot provide absolute protection. a few days ago, i noticed my discharge changed to a white substance that's different from my normal discharge and the first thing that came to my head was an std. i have never had one before and i have no idea the symptoms, but an std was all i could think about. i went to an urgent care because i wanted to see if there was maybe a simpler answer to this problem (yeast infection or uti) and if not, i wanted to send my urine off for an std screening. my doctor asked me a series of questions (when did you become sexually active, when was your last sexual partner, how many sexual partners, etc.) , all of which i was up front and honest about so she could better treat me. it came time for her to make a diagnosis and tell me the best course of action. she says based on my symptoms, i am showing hallmark signs of a yeast infection, but she will send my urine off for a culture and std screen along with a swob from my vagina so she can tell what type of yeast is growing down there. as i'm about to get my keys and stand up to walk out, she says "dear, will you sit down for just another moment." i sat back down and looked up at her, curious as to what she wanted to talk about. "with all of that being said, you're 21 years old, you really need to guard and protect your character,". i looked at her like "what the fuck" and she continued "well you know, guys get to have sex all they want and nothing bad comes out of it for them but you know us as women we can't be doing that as much because we have to protect our character,". at this point, i was pretty fucking angry. you could tell by my silence and the way my lips were pressed together. i thought that maybe it couldn't get any worse, then she proceeded to say "you're going to want to have kids one day, and the way you're living your life now could really hurt you and your chances of having a kid with a good man,". i was open and honest with this woman in hopes that it would help her better treat me and in turn i get slut shamed for it? i posted this in a forum about sexual education and i was getting advice to report her to hr. i don’t want to go after anybody’s job, but i don’t want other women to have to go through this same thing just for having sex. will i be the asshole if i report her to hr or should i leave it alone?	23,103	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cemg2f/wibta_if_i_report_the_nurse_practitioner_at/	2019-07-18 02:18:37	nta. 150% report her to hr. do it right now. this is rude, regressive, none of her business and could actually deter women from getting care. you'll be doing yourself and every other woman who walks through those doors a kindness.	nta. definitely report that. she is there to help you medically, not try to force her values on you.	nta, definitely report this, it’s bullshit. but hr is for employees, not patients. you’ll want to report this to a clinic manager or customer service.	nta at all her job is to provide health care, not moral judgement. i won't go into how dated and fucked her comments are - but bringing her own personal beliefs into it are out of line.	nta. i'm a nurse and i would report the shit out of this woman if she treated me or worked with me. in our line of work, we definitely have to ask probing questions or make recommendations that some people see as intrusive, but only if there's a legitimate medical reason, which we explain--e.g. "i don't care whether or not you do cocaine, i'm not going to call the cops on you, but please tell me if there's cocaine in your system because giving you a beta blocker with cocaine in your system could kill you." recommending safe sexual behaviors like consistent condom use and frequent sti testing for your health and the health of your partners would have been totally appropriate. lecturing you about the effect casual sex will have on your "character" is a hundred miles over the line.	nta. that is awful and totally unprofessional. you went for medical advice not a lesson of character.	nta &#x200b; this isn't 1950 and she's a stranger. you're an adult and can obviously handle yourself. she isn't in charge of your chastity belt keys and this was incredibly out of line. i'd definitely report her as that wasn't her place.	nta. she's your doctor, not your mother. she crossed the line between professional and personal, and that's not okay. report her.	>i sat back down and looked up at her, curious as to what she wanted to talk about. > >you could tell by my silence and the way my lips were pressed together. fanfiction alert.	nta. report her	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've \[f21\] recently encountered a new sexual partner. we used a condom, but after words i felt a little uneasy as to this was the first time i have ever hooked up with someone i just met. my previous sexual partners have all been someone i have developed deep connections with in some kind of way. while condoms greatly reduce the chance of contracting a sti, it cannot provide absolute protection. a few days ago, i noticed my discharge changed to a white substance that's different from my normal discharge and the first thing that came to my head was an std. i have never had one before and i have no idea the symptoms, but an std was all i could think about. i went to an urgent care because i wanted to see if there was maybe a simpler answer to this problem (yeast infection or uti) and if not, i wanted to send my urine off for an std screening. my doctor asked me a series of questions (when did you become sexually active, when was your last sexual partner, how many sexual partners, etc.) , all of which i was up front and honest about so she could better treat me. it came time for her to make a diagnosis and tell me the best course of action. she says based on my symptoms, i am showing hallmark signs of a yeast infection, but she will send my urine off for a culture and std screen along with a swob from my vagina so she can tell what type of yeast is growing down there. as i'm about to get my keys and stand up to walk out, she says "dear, will you sit down for just another moment." i sat back down and looked up at her, curious as to what she wanted to talk about. "with all of that being said, you're 21 years old, you really need to guard and protect your character,". i looked at her like "what the fuck" and she continued "well you know, guys get to have sex all they want and nothing bad comes out of it for them but you know us as women we can't be doing that as much because we have to protect our character,". at this point, i was pretty fucking angry. you could tell by my silence and the way my lips were pressed together. i thought that maybe it couldn't get any worse, then she proceeded to say "you're going to want to have kids one day, and the way you're living your life now could really hurt you and your chances of having a kid with a good man,". i was open and honest with this woman in hopes that it would help her better treat me and in turn i get slut shamed for it? i posted this in a forum about sexual education and i was getting advice to report her to hr. i don’t want to go after anybody’s job, but i don’t want other women to have to go through this same thing just for having sex. will i be the asshole if i report her to hr or should i leave it alone?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i've \[f21\] recently encountered a new sexual partner. we used a condom, but after words i felt a little uneasy as to this was the first time i have ever hooked up with someone i just met. my previous sexual partners have all been someone i have developed deep connections with in some kind of way. while condoms greatly reduce the chance of contracting a sti, it cannot provide absolute protection. a few days ago, i noticed my discharge changed to a white substance that's different from my normal discharge and the first thing that came to my head was an std. i have never had one before and i have no idea the symptoms, but an std was all i could think about. i went to an urgent care because i wanted to see if there was maybe a simpler answer to this problem (yeast infection or uti) and if not, i wanted to send my urine off for an std screening. my doctor asked me a series of questions (when did you become sexually active, when was your last sexual partner, how many sexual partners, etc.) , all of which i was up front and honest about so she could better treat me. it came time for her to make a diagnosis and tell me the best course of action. she says based on my symptoms, i am showing hallmark signs of a yeast infection, but she will send my urine off for a culture and std screen along with a swob from my vagina so she can tell what type of yeast is growing down there. as i'm about to get my keys and stand up to walk out, she says "dear, will you sit down for just another moment." i sat back down and looked up at her, curious as to what she wanted to talk about. "with all of that being said, you're 21 years old, you really need to guard and protect your character,". i looked at her like "what the fuck" and she continued "well you know, guys get to have sex all they want and nothing bad comes out of it for them but you know us as women we can't be doing that as much because we have to protect our character,". at this point, i was pretty fucking angry. you could tell by my silence and the way my lips were pressed together. i thought that maybe it couldn't get any worse, then she proceeded to say "you're going to want to have kids one day, and the way you're living your life now could really hurt you and your chances of having a kid with a good man,". i was open and honest with this woman in hopes that it would help her better treat me and in turn i get slut shamed for it? i posted this in a forum about sexual education and i was getting advice to report her to hr. i don’t want to go after anybody’s job, but i don’t want other women to have to go through this same thing just for having sex. will i be the asshole if i report her to hr or should i leave it alone? [/INST] nta. 150% report her to hr. do it right now. this is rude, regressive, none of her business and could actually deter women from getting care. you'll be doing yourself and every other woman who walks through those doors a kindness. </s>
WIBTA if I refuse to go to my sister's wedding because I can't bring my girlfriend as my +1?	i'm a lesbian, and i've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. my family, including my sister, is all fine with me being gay and supportive of my relationship. however, her fiancé comes from a very regressive and religious family, and while he himself is fine, his extended family is very traditional and anti-gay. my sister gave me my invitation in person instead of mailing it, and explained that i wasn't getting a +1 because having a gay couple at the wedding would likely end up causing lots of drama with his side of the family. all my other siblings have +1s and are welcome to bring their (hetero) partners. i understand where she's coming from, but it still feels like such a slap in the face. i'm not going to try and force her to give me a +1, but i'm seriously considering not going. i love my sister, but i'm not comfortable spending a whole day alone, while my other siblings are allowed to bring their partners, just because my sister wants to cater to a bunch of bigots. i haven't said anything to anyone yet, but if i so stay home, would i be the asshole?	23,077	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qyux9z/wibta_if_i_refuse_to_go_to_my_sisters_wedding/	2021-11-21 13:25:34	nta. you deserve to be treated with equal respect as your other siblings. your sister is the ah for siding with her homophobic in laws and going through with marrying someone who would demand that he sister be treated with such disrespect. exactly how long does your sister expect you to exclude your partner or any future partner from large family events to cater to her in laws? if they have kids, will you be allowed to have a relationship with them, will they attend your wedding, what about holidays? i’m sorry you’re being treated this way.	nah. as a gay man, i understand how that feels. but, your sister can invite whoever she wants. you also can decline the invite since she is excluding your partner. i personally wouldn't go either. i'd tell your sister i understand she is in a difficult position, but she is putting you in one as well. i would also tell her that you're hurt that she wouldn't stand up for you in the face of bigotry.	nta, you're not going to ruin a wedding if you bring your girlfriend. on the other hand, a bunch of bigoted old people can ruin it if they get offended by something that doesnt even remotely affect them. they should be the ones not going, not your partner.	nta. let’s be clear. it’s sad, but it sounds like your family tolerates you being a lesbian. supporting you being gay means not shoving you back into the closet to appease homophobes.	nta her in laws will figure out eventually that you are gay. hiding that fact now is pointless. she should invite you and your partner and be proud to have you there. her fiance should be supportive of that instead of his family's backwards way of thinking. do what is right for you. edited for typo	skip it, and let them explain why. nta.	nta if other siblings are getting +1 and you are being excluded because of your gay partner, then you can politely decline. she is an asshole most foul.	nta. your sister is ready to hurt and insult you rather than rock the boat, because she knows you love her and will forgive her, but she wants to make a 'good impression' on her fiance's family. your sister needs to learn to stick with principles. it's a really bad way to start a marriage, to toss your principles just to get on the good side of hateful people. what she should do: invite you both. if there's a problem, it's the fiance's family's problem. she should probably tell them in advance that you guys are coming together, so you're not faced with extreme unpleasantness once you're there. if she won't, you should absolutely decline to go. let people know why. that's important, because if you decline, they'll try spreading rumors about you. you're her sister. you're going to be in her life the rest of her life. what is she planning on doing in the future? is she going to keep you in the closet when she wants to, say, celebrate christmas with both families? she needs to take a stand, and if she won't, you are totally in the right to.	nta. they put a lot of thought into how to exclude your partner. they could have done the same effort to include.	nta- take your girlfriend to the beach and have a nice day away from your future bil’s toxic family. and shame on your sister for not standing her ground and telling them that if they cannot handle it and treat you and your girlfriend with respect that they can stay home!	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a lesbian, and i've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. my family, including my sister, is all fine with me being gay and supportive of my relationship. however, her fiancé comes from a very regressive and religious family, and while he himself is fine, his extended family is very traditional and anti-gay. my sister gave me my invitation in person instead of mailing it, and explained that i wasn't getting a +1 because having a gay couple at the wedding would likely end up causing lots of drama with his side of the family. all my other siblings have +1s and are welcome to bring their (hetero) partners. i understand where she's coming from, but it still feels like such a slap in the face. i'm not going to try and force her to give me a +1, but i'm seriously considering not going. i love my sister, but i'm not comfortable spending a whole day alone, while my other siblings are allowed to bring their partners, just because my sister wants to cater to a bunch of bigots. i haven't said anything to anyone yet, but if i so stay home, would i be the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a lesbian, and i've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. my family, including my sister, is all fine with me being gay and supportive of my relationship. however, her fiancé comes from a very regressive and religious family, and while he himself is fine, his extended family is very traditional and anti-gay. my sister gave me my invitation in person instead of mailing it, and explained that i wasn't getting a +1 because having a gay couple at the wedding would likely end up causing lots of drama with his side of the family. all my other siblings have +1s and are welcome to bring their (hetero) partners. i understand where she's coming from, but it still feels like such a slap in the face. i'm not going to try and force her to give me a +1, but i'm seriously considering not going. i love my sister, but i'm not comfortable spending a whole day alone, while my other siblings are allowed to bring their partners, just because my sister wants to cater to a bunch of bigots. i haven't said anything to anyone yet, but if i so stay home, would i be the asshole? [/INST] nta. you deserve to be treated with equal respect as your other siblings. your sister is the ah for siding with her homophobic in laws and going through with marrying someone who would demand that he sister be treated with such disrespect. exactly how long does your sister expect you to exclude your partner or any future partner from large family events to cater to her in laws? if they have kids, will you be allowed to have a relationship with them, will they attend your wedding, what about holidays? i’m sorry you’re being treated this way. </s>
AITA for telling my step-mom that she can use the missing child-support payments to fund my part of my dad's gift?	sorry for the wordy title, my (18m) dad left my mom when i was 6 (not because of my step-mom), four years ago he met and married my sm aida, she had 3 kids from a previous marriage that my dad loved to parent instead of me, after they got together i saw him, at best, 7-8 times every year because they moved 5 hour away. a year later he had ''a change of heart'' and demanded his 50/50 custody, which made me miserable, he built a room for me at his new house, tried to fill the missing years with new gifts, even planned a big birthday party for my 12th birthday, at 13, i stopped going to his place. for me, he wasn't my dad. after he left, mom's brother (who was only 25 at the time) took me in as one of his boys, mom and i moved back to my grandparents place and my uncle lived next door, he already had a kid, and he was always there for me, he's my father while my aunt is like a second mother for me and my cousin is like the brother i never had. when i stopped going to my bio-dad's my mom had to get a second job so i used to sleep at my uncle's pretty much every day, i didn't understand why until last year, when my grandma told me my dad had stopped paying child support out of spite and my mom didn't had the money to take him to court. ever since i turned 15, father's day is about my uncle for me, my cousin and i make him breakfast and plan a fun day with him with a small gift, now that i'm 18, my step-mom sent me a fb message saying that i'm old enough to give my part for my bio-dad's gift, this year, his step-kids wants to give him a car and that i should put 10% (like 1,800 to 2,100). i just sent her a lol meme and said she could use my missing child support to cover it. she blocked me and later on one of her kids sent me an ah message. aita?	23,038	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vd4rds/aita_for_telling_my_stepmom_that_she_can_use_the/	2022-06-15 21:09:03	nta. you’re completely justified. and it takes a huge set of balls to ask an 18 year old for money to buy a car for their father. he should be getting you a car.	nta. check into your mom filing with the state for non payment of child support. maybe the state can garnish bio dads wages.	>). i just sent her a lol meme and said she could use my missing child support to cover it this was the correct response. nta.	nta no one is entitled to gifts. especially a free loading asshole father who cuts child support. also, there's a statue of limitations on child support, but my mom sued and won for back child support when i was 21. tell your mom to get in on that.	nta. and stepmother is delusional. oh, and by the way, you and your mom can still sue your dad for missing payments.	nta, the balls to ask an 18 year old for $1800 for a car is hilarious. you had the correct response.	nta. did you enjoy sending that snotty reply? good, because you've earned the right to. enjoy father's day with the one that matters.	nta and that was a perfect reply lol	> i'm old enough to give my part for my bio-dad's gift, this year, his step-kids wants to give him a car and that i should put 10% (like 1,800 to 2,100). that is a ridiculous ask for a father's day gift. you nta.	nta. if you decide you want to contribute to his new car i recommend you find a very generic father’s day card and put a little tree air freshener inside.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sorry for the wordy title, my (18m) dad left my mom when i was 6 (not because of my step-mom), four years ago he met and married my sm aida, she had 3 kids from a previous marriage that my dad loved to parent instead of me, after they got together i saw him, at best, 7-8 times every year because they moved 5 hour away. a year later he had ''a change of heart'' and demanded his 50/50 custody, which made me miserable, he built a room for me at his new house, tried to fill the missing years with new gifts, even planned a big birthday party for my 12th birthday, at 13, i stopped going to his place. for me, he wasn't my dad. after he left, mom's brother (who was only 25 at the time) took me in as one of his boys, mom and i moved back to my grandparents place and my uncle lived next door, he already had a kid, and he was always there for me, he's my father while my aunt is like a second mother for me and my cousin is like the brother i never had. when i stopped going to my bio-dad's my mom had to get a second job so i used to sleep at my uncle's pretty much every day, i didn't understand why until last year, when my grandma told me my dad had stopped paying child support out of spite and my mom didn't had the money to take him to court. ever since i turned 15, father's day is about my uncle for me, my cousin and i make him breakfast and plan a fun day with him with a small gift, now that i'm 18, my step-mom sent me a fb message saying that i'm old enough to give my part for my bio-dad's gift, this year, his step-kids wants to give him a car and that i should put 10% (like 1,800 to 2,100). i just sent her a lol meme and said she could use my missing child support to cover it. she blocked me and later on one of her kids sent me an ah message. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> sorry for the wordy title, my (18m) dad left my mom when i was 6 (not because of my step-mom), four years ago he met and married my sm aida, she had 3 kids from a previous marriage that my dad loved to parent instead of me, after they got together i saw him, at best, 7-8 times every year because they moved 5 hour away. a year later he had ''a change of heart'' and demanded his 50/50 custody, which made me miserable, he built a room for me at his new house, tried to fill the missing years with new gifts, even planned a big birthday party for my 12th birthday, at 13, i stopped going to his place. for me, he wasn't my dad. after he left, mom's brother (who was only 25 at the time) took me in as one of his boys, mom and i moved back to my grandparents place and my uncle lived next door, he already had a kid, and he was always there for me, he's my father while my aunt is like a second mother for me and my cousin is like the brother i never had. when i stopped going to my bio-dad's my mom had to get a second job so i used to sleep at my uncle's pretty much every day, i didn't understand why until last year, when my grandma told me my dad had stopped paying child support out of spite and my mom didn't had the money to take him to court. ever since i turned 15, father's day is about my uncle for me, my cousin and i make him breakfast and plan a fun day with him with a small gift, now that i'm 18, my step-mom sent me a fb message saying that i'm old enough to give my part for my bio-dad's gift, this year, his step-kids wants to give him a car and that i should put 10% (like 1,800 to 2,100). i just sent her a lol meme and said she could use my missing child support to cover it. she blocked me and later on one of her kids sent me an ah message. aita? [/INST] nta. you’re completely justified. and it takes a huge set of balls to ask an 18 year old for money to buy a car for their father. he should be getting you a car. </s>
AITA For telling my fianceé she's either with me or against me in this conflict?	so my fianceè (f, 24) & i (m, 27) got engaged in may and are currently planning for our wedeing in aug. it's worth mentioning that i'm the sole earner because my fianceé is still in university, i've saved up decent amount of money to afford the wedding. thing is her parents get involved in everything. from picking the engagement ring on my behalf, to giving opinions on where we should rent and now my fmil is constantly giving opinions on our wedding. fmil would follow up on everything we do and make negative comments on things like: the best man, the guest list, and food. she told my fianceè she didn't like who i picked to be my best man and wanted me replace him after a big argument but i said no. though my fianceè said we shouldve just done it. mil also wanted me to un-invite people i wanted at the wedding so she could add more guests on her side of family. i said no to that also. now the current or biggest conflict between us. mil called saying she didn't like the venue we picked which is in our hometown. she wanted me to reconsider but i said no since my fianceé liked it too. but my fianceé came to me yesterday to show me a venue her mom picked and already paid for saying since she paid for it then i should say yes this time. i was in shock and angry because not only did she not consult us but the venue she picked is 3 towns away where my bil lives. i immediately thought about my disabled parents who can not travel this distance for health reasons, besides that most of my family won't attend because of distance. i said absolutely not agreeing on this venue. my fianceé said she disagreed with me and i had no right to complain because her mom and dad paid a lot of money for this venue as wedding gift and we should accept it. i calmly explained why i refused and she kept saying i'm refusing on purpose because "i hate her mom" and am playing cat & mouse with her. i bluntly said her mom is indeed making this a game and told my fianceé she's either with me or against on this issue. she either backs me up or there won't be anymore wedding planning. she got upset and started crying asking what she's going to tell her mom and why i was making her choose between me & her parents but i just feel like she's refusing to see why i don't want this specific venue. so what of her brother lives there. i have never been to that town so having the wedding just cause her mom paid for the venue is not ok. we haven't talked eversince that argument. my friend called me ungrateful fool for turning away a free wedding venue over distance but i can't help but feel fmil did it purposely.	23,036	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ohs0ef/aita_for_telling_my_fianceé_shes_either_with_me/	2021-07-10 22:09:15	nta but this is a very good peek into your future. your mil is going to do this all the time about everything and it doesn’t sound like your fiancée has the spine to stand up to her. you need to have a conversation with her about your partnership and her mother. if you’re happy to deal with this for the rest of your life then good luck with the wedding, but if you don’t want her interfering with everything (imagine when she becomes a grandmother!) then you need to take pause and consider whether this is what you want forever.	nta. the question you need to ask yourself is if this is a life you want to live. this isn’t going away after the wedding.	nta run, op, run! your parents not being able to make it to that venue should be a deal breaker for your future wife, and her parents. the fact that it isn’t shows you just how little they value you, your family, and friends. think about how this plays with buying a home, having children, raising children- look how much your future monster in law is trying to micromanage your life now, how is it going to be with babies in the mix? assuming that’s your plan…if you’re not planning on having kids, how is that going to go over with her?	nta but you have a r/justnoso and r/justnomil and both those subs have many resources for you. you and your fiancee need to also sit down and communicate and agree on priorities and boundaries. this is not her having to choose between you and her mom. rather, is she going to be your partner in a marriage. your fiancee has been trained through a lifetime to give in to her mother and likely should seek therapy on her own to think about boundaries and enmeshment. read books about enmeshment, read the online essay don't rock the boat, and approach your fiancee with compassion and understanding of her past abuse by a manipulative mother. best of luck to you	nta - i'm sorry, but i seem to be missing the part where fmil decided they were getting married instead of you and your spouse. this is your day; yours and your wife's. you didn't ask them to pick a venue, you didn't ask them to pay for it....far as i can tell, you didn't ask them for anything. before anything else, i would have a strong talk with your wife. not about the wedding, but about how much she wants her parents in your personal lives. if this is going to continue, if they're going to be making important decisions without your input or approval, you need to know that now, before you commit to a lifetime in their service. cause they sure as hell won't be serving you. if you still decide to get married, you need to have a united front with your wife, that this is your marriage, not their approval of your marriage. if they can accept that and offer suggestions, great. if not, start trimming down the guest list with them, and keep going with other family members on either side who think they know what you want or what's best for you both.	nta. know that this is gonna be your future if you go through with the wedding. your fiancée is gonna pick her parents over you every time, you need to sit her down and have a serious conversation with her about this.	nta. but you two need to have a real tough talk here. by building a life with you, marrying you, your fiancée is choosing you over her parents. she is creating a team with you and you two should be a unit to the rest of the world. yes, it’s a good idea to consider the feelings of others, especially loved ones. but your fiancée is used to letting her mom rule her life. either fiancée needs to tell mom to stop and mean it, or you need to decide whether you really want all of your life decisions impacted by her mother. what else does her mother get to have a say on? where you live? what jobs you two have? if you’ll have kids and when and how many and how to raise them? tread carefully. i know i wouldn’t tie the knot with someone who hasn’t cut the cord yet.	nta. your disabled parents can't travel that distance, and it is also your wedding. you want your parents there. do not settle on this issue because the way i see it, it'll only get worse once you're married. stand your ground. let them know you won't let them do whatever they want.	>she got upset and started crying asking what she's going to tell her mom and why i was making her choose between me & her parents bruh, she's already chosen, and it ain't you. it never will be.	nta. if the fmil is aware of your family restrictions then she has done it deliberately so that she will be able to invite more guests. this is not your fault. it is the fault of your fiancée. she didn’t pull her mum into line. she is letting her mum turn this into the mums dream wedding. it shouldn’t even be a choice of you or the parents, it should just be you and her. tbh i would be reconsidering the wedding and the relationship too. if she can’t set healthy boundaries here what about when you have children? it’s both your wedding and she is letting her mother try and dictate who can be your best man, and how many people you can invite. if you still want to be with this person (don’t know why, you’re support them and paying for this wedding) then tell them they can pay for one wedding and you will have another (do that one first) where they aren’t invited so they can’t possibly ruin it because let’s be real, your wedding is going to be drama filled. or just f them all and elope.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my fianceè (f, 24) & i (m, 27) got engaged in may and are currently planning for our wedeing in aug. it's worth mentioning that i'm the sole earner because my fianceé is still in university, i've saved up decent amount of money to afford the wedding. thing is her parents get involved in everything. from picking the engagement ring on my behalf, to giving opinions on where we should rent and now my fmil is constantly giving opinions on our wedding. fmil would follow up on everything we do and make negative comments on things like: the best man, the guest list, and food. she told my fianceè she didn't like who i picked to be my best man and wanted me replace him after a big argument but i said no. though my fianceè said we shouldve just done it. mil also wanted me to un-invite people i wanted at the wedding so she could add more guests on her side of family. i said no to that also. now the current or biggest conflict between us. mil called saying she didn't like the venue we picked which is in our hometown. she wanted me to reconsider but i said no since my fianceé liked it too. but my fianceé came to me yesterday to show me a venue her mom picked and already paid for saying since she paid for it then i should say yes this time. i was in shock and angry because not only did she not consult us but the venue she picked is 3 towns away where my bil lives. i immediately thought about my disabled parents who can not travel this distance for health reasons, besides that most of my family won't attend because of distance. i said absolutely not agreeing on this venue. my fianceé said she disagreed with me and i had no right to complain because her mom and dad paid a lot of money for this venue as wedding gift and we should accept it. i calmly explained why i refused and she kept saying i'm refusing on purpose because "i hate her mom" and am playing cat & mouse with her. i bluntly said her mom is indeed making this a game and told my fianceé she's either with me or against on this issue. she either backs me up or there won't be anymore wedding planning. she got upset and started crying asking what she's going to tell her mom and why i was making her choose between me & her parents but i just feel like she's refusing to see why i don't want this specific venue. so what of her brother lives there. i have never been to that town so having the wedding just cause her mom paid for the venue is not ok. we haven't talked eversince that argument. my friend called me ungrateful fool for turning away a free wedding venue over distance but i can't help but feel fmil did it purposely.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so my fianceè (f, 24) & i (m, 27) got engaged in may and are currently planning for our wedeing in aug. it's worth mentioning that i'm the sole earner because my fianceé is still in university, i've saved up decent amount of money to afford the wedding. thing is her parents get involved in everything. from picking the engagement ring on my behalf, to giving opinions on where we should rent and now my fmil is constantly giving opinions on our wedding. fmil would follow up on everything we do and make negative comments on things like: the best man, the guest list, and food. she told my fianceè she didn't like who i picked to be my best man and wanted me replace him after a big argument but i said no. though my fianceè said we shouldve just done it. mil also wanted me to un-invite people i wanted at the wedding so she could add more guests on her side of family. i said no to that also. now the current or biggest conflict between us. mil called saying she didn't like the venue we picked which is in our hometown. she wanted me to reconsider but i said no since my fianceé liked it too. but my fianceé came to me yesterday to show me a venue her mom picked and already paid for saying since she paid for it then i should say yes this time. i was in shock and angry because not only did she not consult us but the venue she picked is 3 towns away where my bil lives. i immediately thought about my disabled parents who can not travel this distance for health reasons, besides that most of my family won't attend because of distance. i said absolutely not agreeing on this venue. my fianceé said she disagreed with me and i had no right to complain because her mom and dad paid a lot of money for this venue as wedding gift and we should accept it. i calmly explained why i refused and she kept saying i'm refusing on purpose because "i hate her mom" and am playing cat & mouse with her. i bluntly said her mom is indeed making this a game and told my fianceé she's either with me or against on this issue. she either backs me up or there won't be anymore wedding planning. she got upset and started crying asking what she's going to tell her mom and why i was making her choose between me & her parents but i just feel like she's refusing to see why i don't want this specific venue. so what of her brother lives there. i have never been to that town so having the wedding just cause her mom paid for the venue is not ok. we haven't talked eversince that argument. my friend called me ungrateful fool for turning away a free wedding venue over distance but i can't help but feel fmil did it purposely. [/INST] nta but this is a very good peek into your future. your mil is going to do this all the time about everything and it doesn’t sound like your fiancée has the spine to stand up to her. you need to have a conversation with her about your partnership and her mother. if you’re happy to deal with this for the rest of your life then good luck with the wedding, but if you don’t want her interfering with everything (imagine when she becomes a grandmother!) then you need to take pause and consider whether this is what you want forever. </s>
AITA for not letting my sister have "custody" of her bio kids, who I adopted?	when my sister, annie, was 18, and i was 21, she got pregnant and had a daughter, sophie. she developed what we believe was post partum depression, but was never diagnosed as she refused therapy. when annie's school started up again our mother took on all childcare of sophie. as mum took on more childcare, annie seemed more like her old self (happy, outgoing, generally mentally healthy). then within 6 months of sophie's birth, annie got pregnant again with another girl, laura, and the cycle of ppd symptoms, mum taking over, and annie's mood improving repeated. when laura was 2 and sophie was 3, annie decided to move out of our parent's home, alone, and said she wanted our parents to adopt/raise her daughters. they said no. annie said she couldn't take care of the girls as she had her own life and being a parent made her miserable. my husband and i already had 4 kids of our own, we'd bonded with the girls, and we had the resources for 2 more, so we offered to take them in, and annie let us legally adopt them before moving about 8 hours away. it's been about 5 years, and the kids are doing well. it was a rough start, but we're now a stable, loving, healthy family unit. sophie and laura are 7 and 8, and annie has recently lost her job and had to move back in with our parents. annie has now asked for "custody" of sophie and laura. i'm writing "custody" like that because it wouldn't be custody in the legal sense, as she willingly surrendered all legal rights to the girls and can't get them back (we checked with a lawyer). however, annie wants the girls to live with her. initially she said she wanted them full time and to legally adopt them back from us, which we obviously refused, then she offered a "compromise" of alternate weeks, so 50/50 "custody". again, we refused. given her insistence, we don't even want her around sophie and laura, so we've not been going by my parent's house as we typically do. it's been a month of constant badgering, insisting we let annie bond with "her" daughters, and allow her to at the very least take them for overnight visits, saying that annie had ppd 5 years ago, and now she's ready to be a parent. i've responded that we are not babysitters, we are sophie and laura's parents, they're in a good place and this will be detrimental to all 6 kids, and annie doesn't get to step in now when she never stepped up in the first place. the response from my parents and annie is that i'm being unsympathetic to her ppd and i should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem her unfit without giving her a chance to prove herself, plus given that we already have 4 kids other than them, sophie and laura could probably do with a smaller household, and saying we're being unreasonable for not allowing annie to bond with "her" kids.	23,023	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6c8ey/aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_have_custody_of/	2020-10-06 19:54:38	nta nta nta nta and please stand your ground. you have provided those two little girls with a stable, loving family for the last 5 years. you are genuinely the only true mom and dad they’ve ever experienced and it is so unfair of your sister and parents to expect you to relinquish custody of your daughters whom you have raised without any support or help from annie. ppd is totally possible, but even with ppd, had annie adopted the children outside of your family, not only would she have absolutely zero custodial rights to them but she wouldn’t even know them whatsoever. being a parent is not something to get to be wishywashy about.	nta. you’re the parents. she’s bored and looking to do a little fun bonding. protect your kids. she’s an aunt at the table at christmas, by her own choices.	no way. you’re nta at all. those girls already started their life off with a parent that wasn’t present mentally and basically gave them up... they don’t deserve to have their life be uprooted again with someone so unpredictable. that’s just my opinion. parents that step in and out of their children’s lives are the worst!	[deleted]	nta at all. she gave up her rights. she wasn't interested at all for 5 years. doesn't seem like she was much interested before that. it would be a terrible thing for the kids to be uprooted from their home environment and their siblings again particularly with the chance that annie will rediscover that having children requires time and effort and that being a parent makes her miserable all over again. you are doing the right thing to protect your kids from your flaky sister. your parents also aren't the girls parents - they don't get a say. they enabled annie and declined to keep the girls themselves, they need to keep their opinions to themselves. annie is no longer the person that matters, sophie and laura do and that kind of back and forth does not sound like a good idea.	nta. ppd my ass, not wanting to be a parent is not ppd its selfish lazy ass teenager. the children do not need this type of upheaval in their lives she can have a relationship with them when they turn 18 if that's what they want.	nta. those girls are not her children. they are your children, and they are part of a larger family in which they sound to be thriving. you make the decisions for your children. their aunts sudden desire to bond and take on a parental role is not indicative of a relationship with reality.	so wait, she lost her job and had to move back in with her parents, but she thinks now she should be allowed to raise these kids? how the heck would that work?? she's in no better a position now to raise them than she was 5 years ago, and you can't just give up your kids until it's convenient for you to raise them again. sure, let her have a relationship with them, eventually, (assuming she calms down about wanting them back and she's able to fill a more aunt like role) but these kids are a part of a family now and it's not fair to anyone to remove them from that, especially the girls. what are your parents even thinking supporting this? and obviously, nta	nta. she gave up all rights to the kids. you could let her visit them as a favor, but ultimately sophie and laura are your kids now. annie left them when it mattered most. for 5 years. if this were an open adoption where you weren’t related to annie, everyone would be horrified by this behavior. being family doesn’t give you a pass to be an ah.	nta - they are your kids. were it me i would give my sister the chance to be a loving and involved aunt (which is her role) with the understanding that she is not to undermine my authority/role as a parent or the kids will not be allowed to spend time with her. until the kids are old enough to make their own decision about this you have to do what is best for them.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when my sister, annie, was 18, and i was 21, she got pregnant and had a daughter, sophie. she developed what we believe was post partum depression, but was never diagnosed as she refused therapy. when annie's school started up again our mother took on all childcare of sophie. as mum took on more childcare, annie seemed more like her old self (happy, outgoing, generally mentally healthy). then within 6 months of sophie's birth, annie got pregnant again with another girl, laura, and the cycle of ppd symptoms, mum taking over, and annie's mood improving repeated. when laura was 2 and sophie was 3, annie decided to move out of our parent's home, alone*, and said she wanted our parents to adopt/raise her daughters. they said no. annie said she couldn't take care of the girls as she had her own life and being a parent made her miserable. my husband and i already had 4 kids of our own, we'd bonded with the girls, and we had the resources for 2 more, so we offered to take them in, and annie let us legally adopt them before moving about 8 hours away. it's been about 5 years, and the kids are doing well. it was a rough start, but we're now a stable, loving, healthy family unit. sophie and laura are 7 and 8, and annie has recently lost her job and had to move back in with our parents. annie has now asked for "custody" of sophie and laura. i'm writing "custody" like that because it wouldn't be custody in the legal sense, as she willingly surrendered all legal rights to the girls and can't get them back (we checked with a lawyer). however, annie wants the girls to live with her. initially she said she wanted them full time and to legally adopt them back from us, which we obviously refused, then she offered a "compromise" of alternate weeks, so 50/50 "custody". again, we refused. given her insistence, we don't even want her around sophie and laura, so we've not been going by my parent's house as we typically do. it's been a month of constant badgering, insisting we let annie bond with "her" daughters, and allow her to at the very least take them for overnight visits, saying that annie had ppd 5 years ago, and now she's ready to be a parent. i've responded that we are not babysitters, we are sophie and laura's parents, they're in a good place and this will be detrimental to all 6 kids, and annie doesn't get to step in now when she never stepped up in the first place. the response from my parents and annie is that i'm being unsympathetic to her ppd and i should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem her unfit without giving her a chance to prove herself, plus given that we already have 4 kids other than them, sophie and laura could probably do with a smaller household, and saying we're being unreasonable for not allowing annie to bond with "her" kids.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> when my sister, annie, was 18, and i was 21, she got pregnant and had a daughter, sophie. she developed what we believe was post partum depression, but was never diagnosed as she refused therapy. when annie's school started up again our mother took on all childcare of sophie. as mum took on more childcare, annie seemed more like her old self (happy, outgoing, generally mentally healthy). then within 6 months of sophie's birth, annie got pregnant again with another girl, laura, and the cycle of ppd symptoms, mum taking over, and annie's mood improving repeated. when laura was 2 and sophie was 3, annie decided to move out of our parent's home, alone*, and said she wanted our parents to adopt/raise her daughters. they said no. annie said she couldn't take care of the girls as she had her own life and being a parent made her miserable. my husband and i already had 4 kids of our own, we'd bonded with the girls, and we had the resources for 2 more, so we offered to take them in, and annie let us legally adopt them before moving about 8 hours away. it's been about 5 years, and the kids are doing well. it was a rough start, but we're now a stable, loving, healthy family unit. sophie and laura are 7 and 8, and annie has recently lost her job and had to move back in with our parents. annie has now asked for "custody" of sophie and laura. i'm writing "custody" like that because it wouldn't be custody in the legal sense, as she willingly surrendered all legal rights to the girls and can't get them back (we checked with a lawyer). however, annie wants the girls to live with her. initially she said she wanted them full time and to legally adopt them back from us, which we obviously refused, then she offered a "compromise" of alternate weeks, so 50/50 "custody". again, we refused. given her insistence, we don't even want her around sophie and laura, so we've not been going by my parent's house as we typically do. it's been a month of constant badgering, insisting we let annie bond with "her" daughters, and allow her to at the very least take them for overnight visits, saying that annie had ppd 5 years ago, and now she's ready to be a parent. i've responded that we are not babysitters, we are sophie and laura's parents, they're in a good place and this will be detrimental to all 6 kids, and annie doesn't get to step in now when she never stepped up in the first place. the response from my parents and annie is that i'm being unsympathetic to her ppd and i should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem her unfit without giving her a chance to prove herself, plus given that we already have 4 kids other than them, sophie and laura could probably do with a smaller household, and saying we're being unreasonable for not allowing annie to bond with "her" kids. [/INST] nta nta nta nta and please stand your ground. you have provided those two little girls with a stable, loving family for the last 5 years. you are genuinely the only true mom and dad they’ve ever experienced and it is so unfair of your sister and parents to expect you to relinquish custody of your daughters whom you have raised without any support or help from annie. ppd is totally possible, but even with ppd, had annie adopted the children outside of your family, not only would she have absolutely zero custodial rights to them but she wouldn’t even know them whatsoever. being a parent is not something to get to be wishywashy about. </s>
AITA for intentionally posting the wrong test answers on a cheating website?	backstory: i failed my first 400-level physical chemistry test 2 months ago. i barely passed my second one last month.i noticed i scored significantly below class average on both and the curve wasn’t quite what i expected it to be. (that’s ok, labs + hw keep my grade at a high b) side note: the class is about 60 people. unbeknownst to me, it fills up quickly every semester because people think the professor is ‘easy’. i didn’t know this. the class just fit my schedule and i certainly didn’t think it was ‘easy’ after those 2 exams. here’s the catch: our professor is old and i noticed during exams that many people were suspiciously using their phones. i heard rumors that someone had posted the test questions to a relatively well-known site (it will remain unnamed) and some students had used that to score a’s and b’s. (we can’t really use the site for homework help because of our homework structure, but a lot of us use it for test review & test prep, which is extremely helpful). our tests are long -we get 2 and a half hours for each test- which gives these students plenty of time to post the questions and receive the answers online. exam day: i was extremely irritated when i heard this. this rage really fueled me and i over-prepared for test 3. i studied like crazy for it because i felt like these cheating students were robbing me of points from a regular curve. i was able to finish the test in about 45 mins of the given time. i didn’t know everything, but i felt pretty great about what i turned in. i was the second student done with the exam and felt pretty good as i wrapped it up. once i finished and began walking out, i looked around and saw a ton of people cheating. i was so angry and so distraught, that i used my free time after the test to go on the site and see if my peers had posted the test questions. of course they had. i had memorized all of the questions (there was only 6) and found 4 of the questions had been posted online. i answered all of them incorrectly, though i made the process look somewhat legitimate. i realized that if i answered those questions first, the real site tutors wouldn’t answer them in the given time (i was right). present day: i scored a high b, and the curve put my grade at an a. i had the fourth-highest score on the exam. most students failed, even though i found this test to be much easier and much more manageable than the previous two. i looked at the tests of my peers as we compared results. we always compare the partial-credit points to make sure our grades are fair. i saw that a lot of them (i’d estimate about 13-15 students based on what i saw ) used the ”fake” methods i had used on those incorrect answers. more students failed this test than the second test, and it was pretty evident that i’d screwed some of the cheating students. i honestly can’t say i feel bad about what i did. i worked hard, and their lazy efforts directly impacted my gpa and my future.	23,019	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dyi6m8/aita_for_intentionally_posting_the_wrong_test/	2019-11-19 09:29:07	nta i think it is hilarious that people are stupid enough to get the answers online and trust it to be correct.	nta but you should have reported this to the professor or the dean so they could fix all the grades and implement stronger anti-cheat measures. by making them all fail, you artificially inflated your own grade as well.	esh. you're an asshole for not telling your professor and the school about this. "but i don't want to get people into trouble," you might say. you're okay with making them fail, but you don't want to actually fix the problem? the people doing this are in the wrong, and are not being academically honest. this is a lot of ramifications, for good reason. tell someone. tell someone.	esh, mainly because you didn't bother to tell the teachers and the school about this site. despite your complaints that the cheaters are screwing you over, you didn't plan to address the issue in a meaningful way, instead deciding to make them fail.	esh. idk how to feel about this. it seems like you really just want to hurt your classmates intentionally for cheating. that’s not your job, and thats why you suck, for policing their behavior instead of reporting it to the school and letting the school deal out the punishments. obviously they suck for cheating, and your professor sucks for not being more attentive during tests. how the fuck is the whole class on their phones and he’s unaware? why are there no tas to walk around the room if he’s incapable of doing so.	yta you’ve not fixed the problem for any of your honest classmates and inflated your own grade in the process. you should have told the teacher and school about the cheating	yta don't work harder, work smarter. exploit the system for yourself and don't give a damn about what the others are doing.	yta really? this comment section is hilarious. hate to break it to ya, but people cheat—on their work reports, on their spouses, and, in this case, their tests. “oh but cheating is wrong!” yes, it is. but who in their life hasn’t cheated on at least one piece of homework? one test? oh, you? well congratulations, you have higher morals than about 99% of the world’s population. a lot of kids in college are just trying to get by, man. tests suck, not everyone is good at them, and yes, some people just don’t care. but actively going out of your way to screw a bunch of others over just because you worked harder for less results? petty revenge at most. yes, cheating is bad, and it sucks when someone who cheats gets better rewarded than you whilst you did the same work honestly—but this is not your place to decide their fate. i’d still call you ta if you reported them to your teacher as well, but at least then you would be closer to solving the problem. let the cheaters cheat—in the long run, your morals and honesty will reward you in areas where they really matter.	esh they suck for obvious reasons and your solution should have been to tell the professor or the dean of the dept about it. your actual solution is pretty hilarious though and effective.	yta if some used the website as a study guide and weren't using their phones in class	NTA	NTA	ESH	ESH	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	0.264545	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: backstory: i failed my first 400-level physical chemistry test 2 months ago. i barely passed my second one last month.i noticed i scored significantly below class average on both and the curve wasn’t quite what i expected it to be. (that’s ok, labs + hw keep my grade at a high b) side note: the class is about 60 people. unbeknownst to me, it fills up quickly every semester because people think the professor is ‘easy’. i didn’t know this. the class just fit my schedule and i certainly didn’t think it was ‘easy’ after those 2 exams. here’s the catch: our professor is old and i noticed during exams that many people were suspiciously using their phones. i heard rumors that someone had posted the test questions to a relatively well-known site (it will remain unnamed) and some students had used that to score a’s and b’s. (we can’t really use the site for homework help because of our homework structure, but a lot of us use it for test review & test prep, which is extremely helpful). our tests are long -we get 2 and a half hours for each test- which gives these students plenty of time to post the questions and receive the answers online. exam day: i was extremely irritated when i heard this. this rage really fueled me and i over-prepared for test 3. i studied like crazy for it because i felt like these cheating students were robbing me of points from a regular curve. i was able to finish the test in about 45 mins of the given time. i didn’t know everything, but i felt pretty great about what i turned in. i was the second student done with the exam and felt pretty good as i wrapped it up. once i finished and began walking out, i looked around and saw a ton of people cheating. i was so angry and so distraught, that i used my free time after the test to go on the site and see if my peers had posted the test questions. of course they had. i had memorized all of the questions (there was only 6) and found 4 of the questions had been posted online. i answered all of them incorrectly, though i made the process look somewhat legitimate. i realized that if i answered those questions first, the real site tutors wouldn’t answer them in the given time (i was right). present day: i scored a high b, and the curve put my grade at an a. i had the fourth-highest score on the exam. most students failed, even though i found this test to be much easier and much more manageable than the previous two. i looked at the tests of my peers as we compared results. we always compare the partial-credit points to make sure our grades are fair. i saw that a lot of them (i’d estimate about 13-15 students based on what i saw ) used the ”fake” methods i had used on those incorrect answers. more students failed this test than the second test, and it was pretty evident that i’d screwed some of the cheating students. i honestly can’t say i feel bad about what i did. i worked hard, and their lazy efforts directly impacted my gpa and my future.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> backstory: i failed my first 400-level physical chemistry test 2 months ago. i barely passed my second one last month.i noticed i scored significantly below class average on both and the curve wasn’t quite what i expected it to be. (that’s ok, labs + hw keep my grade at a high b) side note: the class is about 60 people. unbeknownst to me, it fills up quickly every semester because people think the professor is ‘easy’. i didn’t know this. the class just fit my schedule and i certainly didn’t think it was ‘easy’ after those 2 exams. here’s the catch: our professor is old and i noticed during exams that many people were suspiciously using their phones. i heard rumors that someone had posted the test questions to a relatively well-known site (it will remain unnamed) and some students had used that to score a’s and b’s. (we can’t really use the site for homework help because of our homework structure, but a lot of us use it for test review & test prep, which is extremely helpful). our tests are long -we get 2 and a half hours for each test- which gives these students plenty of time to post the questions and receive the answers online. exam day: i was extremely irritated when i heard this. this rage really fueled me and i over-prepared for test 3. i studied like crazy for it because i felt like these cheating students were robbing me of points from a regular curve. i was able to finish the test in about 45 mins of the given time. i didn’t know everything, but i felt pretty great about what i turned in. i was the second student done with the exam and felt pretty good as i wrapped it up. once i finished and began walking out, i looked around and saw a ton of people cheating. i was so angry and so distraught, that i used my free time after the test to go on the site and see if my peers had posted the test questions. of course they had. i had memorized all of the questions (there was only 6) and found 4 of the questions had been posted online. i answered all of them incorrectly, though i made the process look somewhat legitimate. i realized that if i answered those questions first, the real site tutors wouldn’t answer them in the given time (i was right). present day: i scored a high b, and the curve put my grade at an a. i had the fourth-highest score on the exam. most students failed, even though i found this test to be much easier and much more manageable than the previous two. i looked at the tests of my peers as we compared results. we always compare the partial-credit points to make sure our grades are fair. i saw that a lot of them (i’d estimate about 13-15 students based on what i saw ) used the ”fake” methods i had used on those incorrect answers. more students failed this test than the second test, and it was pretty evident that i’d screwed some of the cheating students. i honestly can’t say i feel bad about what i did. i worked hard, and their lazy efforts directly impacted my gpa and my future. [/INST] nta i think it is hilarious that people are stupid enough to get the answers online and trust it to be correct. </s>
AITA For demanding my fiancé and his mom to pay for a new wedding address?	me 26f and my fiancé 28m been engaged for 4 months, we're planning on having our wedding on october 18th, my future mother in law kept annoying me and sending me suggestions for choosing the right wedding dress, and said that she knew better and tried to get me to approve of wedding dresses that she chose and when she couldn't enforce her decision she demanded that i take her with me to buy my wedding dress so she could have an opinion. before i went shopping i called her to ask if she wanted to come but started making excuses about how busy she was with my sister in law, i went shopping with my mom and i was able to find a really nice dress although it cost me a little over what i saved up for, but it was worth it. i made some changes to it and it was perfect, it arrived to my apartment at the end of the week, i made sure it was stored in a safe place so it doesn't get ruined. yesterday, i got back from my mom's house, and found that my fiancé wasn't home neither was the dress, i called him immediately knowing that he must've taken it to show it to his mom since she continuously asked to see it and refused to have me send her pictures of it on facebook. i was so mad when it was confirmed that my fiancé took it to show it to his mom, he said he was gonna be home in 30 minutes after he went to the supermarket i waited for longer than i had to and then when he arrived i ran to get my dress that was buried underneath grocery bags, i took it to check on it and it's zipper was broken and the dress itself (fabric) was stretched out, i was like what the fuck happened to it, my mother in law must've tried it on, because it looked ruined, the straps were almost loose, i had to call my mother in law when my fiancé told me his mom and sister took turns to try it on, i was absolutely livid, she told me she did nothing wrong and that i was making a big deal out of it. she said she'd get a replacement for the broken zipper, but i told her to pay for a new dress since it was stretched out and no longer fitting, she refused and said that i probably wasn't happy with my dress choice and wanted to her to pay so i could get a new one, i yelled at her for trying it on and ruining it, that she and my fiancé were responsible for ruining my dress so they should pay for a new one, it's done, no longer fitting, the straps are in a horrible condition, my mom said she'd pay for fixing it but i just hate it now that someone else wore it before me. i'm mad at both of them and seriously considering postponing the wedding.	23,013	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j1kuds/aita_for_demanding_my_fiancé_and_his_mom_to_pay/	2020-09-28 21:01:35	nta. girl do you hear yourself?? your fiance took your wedding dress without permission and allowed multiple people to try it on! do you understand how disrespectful and innapropriate that is? you not only have a bad mother in law problem, you have a huge fiance problem. needless to say, id be doing more than postponing.	you don’t need a new dress you need a new fiancé. nta	don’t marry him- you will always be second best to his mother and sister. what normal person tries on their future daughter in law /sister in laws wedding dress. and what’s worse he took it round to their place so they could do that. read the mother in law from hell stories and then run away far and fast.	nta. there are so many levels of wrong here, and none of it by you. first off, it's super rude to try on someone else's wedding dress. it's extremely rude to try a dress on to the extent that the zipper breaks. like, there had to have been some serious tugging and yanking and signs the dress obviously did not fit before the zipper broke. but it's really, really creepy that your fiancee's mom wanted to wear your wedding dress. did she imagine herself marrying her son? and it's very, very red-flaggy that your fiancee treated your wishes so cavalierly. does he plan to put his mother ahead of you when it comes to things like kids or who he spends time with? is there a pattern of him ignoring your wishes when it conflicts with hers? does she make "jokes" about how you're taking her son away?	nta first : your fiance took your dress without your knowledge or permission? second :they tried it on ? why tho!!? that goes beyond commen sense and what's right imo . i think you should let them pay for it and get your fiance involved, if he doesn't apologize and demand his family to repay you and apologize to you maybe you should consider all this wedding thing because stuff like that will keep happening in the future	nta, but i don't think you need a new dress as much as you need a whole new fiancé. you are signing up for a life of him intentionally enabling his family's shitty, disrespectful behavior.	nta and what kind of fiancé even looks at the wedding dress never mind even taking it to people to look at and then letting them try it on yes they should pay for a new dress but not be there to see it and when it is ready store it at your mom’s	nta. you are incredibly lucky to have been given such a clear glimpse into what your life will look like if you marry this man. throw the dress and the man away and go and live your best life.	nta. he sucks for caving into their pressure and bringing the dress, his mom and sister suck for destroying your property. someone needs to pay to have this fixed to your satisfaction and from the sounds of it, it probably needs to be replaced with an identical non-ruined dress. if his mother and sister won't do it, then he needs to do it because without him stealing the dress, it never would have been ruined. remember that. he stole your property because his mother asked him to.	nta. the issue isn't about the wedding dress. the issue is about boundaries. you would be right to be upset of they tried on anything of yours without permission, but that your fiance took it to them to try on?!? oh fn. you need to discuss with your future so about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. for me this would be break up worthy. my so needs to respect me and my wishes before his parents because we are a team and need to act like a team. freaking...so many lines crossed! the second hand anger is real... btw, take them to small claims court (no lawyers needed) for the cost of the dress and go buy a new one. don't eff around or they will continue to try and do this kind of stuff. lastly, i would bet money your fmil wanted to pick the dress specifically to use it on another occasion.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me 26f and my fiancé 28m been engaged for 4 months, we're planning on having our wedding on october 18th, my future mother in law kept annoying me and sending me suggestions for choosing the right wedding dress, and said that she knew better and tried to get me to approve of wedding dresses that she chose and when she couldn't enforce her decision she demanded that i take her with me to buy my wedding dress so she could have an opinion. before i went shopping i called her to ask if she wanted to come but started making excuses about how busy she was with my sister in law, i went shopping with my mom and i was able to find a really nice dress although it cost me a little over what i saved up for, but it was worth it. i made some changes to it and it was perfect, it arrived to my apartment at the end of the week, i made sure it was stored in a safe place so it doesn't get ruined. yesterday, i got back from my mom's house, and found that my fiancé wasn't home neither was the dress, i called him immediately knowing that he must've taken it to show it to his mom since she continuously asked to see it and refused to have me send her pictures of it on facebook. i was so mad when it was confirmed that my fiancé took it to show it to his mom, he said he was gonna be home in 30 minutes after he went to the supermarket i waited for longer than i had to and then when he arrived i ran to get my dress that was buried underneath grocery bags, i took it to check on it and it's zipper was broken and the dress itself (fabric) was stretched out, i was like what the fuck happened to it, my mother in law must've tried it on, because it looked ruined, the straps were almost loose, i had to call my mother in law when my fiancé told me his mom and sister took turns to try it on, i was absolutely livid, she told me she did nothing wrong and that i was making a big deal out of it. she said she'd get a replacement for the broken zipper, but i told her to pay for a new dress since it was stretched out and no longer fitting, she refused and said that i probably wasn't happy with my dress choice and wanted to her to pay so i could get a new one, i yelled at her for trying it on and ruining it, that she and my fiancé were responsible for ruining my dress so they should pay for a new one, it's done, no longer fitting, the straps are in a horrible condition, my mom said she'd pay for fixing it but i just hate it now that someone else wore it before me. i'm mad at both of them and seriously considering postponing the wedding.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> me 26f and my fiancé 28m been engaged for 4 months, we're planning on having our wedding on october 18th, my future mother in law kept annoying me and sending me suggestions for choosing the right wedding dress, and said that she knew better and tried to get me to approve of wedding dresses that she chose and when she couldn't enforce her decision she demanded that i take her with me to buy my wedding dress so she could have an opinion. before i went shopping i called her to ask if she wanted to come but started making excuses about how busy she was with my sister in law, i went shopping with my mom and i was able to find a really nice dress although it cost me a little over what i saved up for, but it was worth it. i made some changes to it and it was perfect, it arrived to my apartment at the end of the week, i made sure it was stored in a safe place so it doesn't get ruined. yesterday, i got back from my mom's house, and found that my fiancé wasn't home neither was the dress, i called him immediately knowing that he must've taken it to show it to his mom since she continuously asked to see it and refused to have me send her pictures of it on facebook. i was so mad when it was confirmed that my fiancé took it to show it to his mom, he said he was gonna be home in 30 minutes after he went to the supermarket i waited for longer than i had to and then when he arrived i ran to get my dress that was buried underneath grocery bags, i took it to check on it and it's zipper was broken and the dress itself (fabric) was stretched out, i was like what the fuck happened to it, my mother in law must've tried it on, because it looked ruined, the straps were almost loose, i had to call my mother in law when my fiancé told me his mom and sister took turns to try it on, i was absolutely livid, she told me she did nothing wrong and that i was making a big deal out of it. she said she'd get a replacement for the broken zipper, but i told her to pay for a new dress since it was stretched out and no longer fitting, she refused and said that i probably wasn't happy with my dress choice and wanted to her to pay so i could get a new one, i yelled at her for trying it on and ruining it, that she and my fiancé were responsible for ruining my dress so they should pay for a new one, it's done, no longer fitting, the straps are in a horrible condition, my mom said she'd pay for fixing it but i just hate it now that someone else wore it before me. i'm mad at both of them and seriously considering postponing the wedding. [/INST] nta. girl do you hear yourself?? your fiance took your wedding dress without permission and allowed multiple people to try it on! do you understand how disrespectful and innapropriate that is? you not only have a bad mother in law problem, you have a huge fiance problem. needless to say, id be doing more than postponing. </s>
AITA for charging my sister £2500 for one of my paintings after her kid ruined it?	backstory, i’m 26 and a fairly successful artist. my sister, “lucy” (24) and her child “ethan” (9) were at my house during a late new years celebration. i had a sign posted on my art studio saying “do not enter” and specifically made it clear to all guests that nobody was to enter that room. i’d also like to note that all my guests were asked to leave their kids at home as this was for adults but ‘lucy’ couldn’t do that because she couldn’t find a sitter. anyway. note : i also set up my boyfriends ps4 for him to play on so he wouldn’t be bored. it’s 10pm, and i hear a loud crash from my studio, i run up and see paint all over my recently work that so far had taken 15 hours to do. ethan was sat there laughing, rubbing paint into my work, it’s now unsalvageable and i have to restart the work, as it was a specific request from a client. which also puts me behind for the rest of my work now!! i immediately asked ethan and lucy to leave, and the next day i sent her a bill for the work. £2500 (which is lower than i would’ve gotten for the work anyway). she’s absolutely screaming about it, the whole family is divided. my mom hates me, my dad completely agrees with me. surprise, my dad is an artist, my mum is more ‘smart smart’. my sisters husband agrees with me. i will admittedly say, i don’t enjoy kids. or their company. but i’ve always been a great auntie, presents at christmas, gifts from vacation, everything he’s wanted. am i the asshole for charging my sister £2500?	23,002	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eqxekx/aita_for_charging_my_sister_2500_for_one_of_my/	2020-01-19 15:13:19	nta. a) kids weren’t welcome at your event. she chose to bring her child. b) you clearly marked off the room c) she wasn’t supervising her child, which is how he was able to gain entrance to a blocked off room, and destroy your work you absolutely deserve to be compensated for your work. eta (because it got buried in the comments): d). the kid is nine. not a toddler. well into the age to differentiate right from wrong.	nta. it was already an issue that she brought her kid, but you were understanding about that. the least she could've done was watch her damn kid while there and respected your wishes of no one going in there. when you bring kids to an adult party it's your responsibility to watch them, not the host or other guests unless other kids are involved	nta - this is your livelihood, art supplies aren't cheap, and not to mention the time it'll take you to recreate what was lost. the kid's 9 and still straight up disobeyed you in your own home? yeah, i'd be pissed off, too. also, your sister sounds like one of those moms that can't be bothered to take responsibility for her own children, so maybe this'll open her eyes a bit.	nta. nine is old enough to know how to read a do not enter sign, and to know that destroying others’ property is unacceptable. if they were younger, the blame would be a little more questionable but there is no mistake about this. you should certainly be compensated, but i might lower the price to be proportionate to how much time you actually spent, not a loose figure around the price that you would have gotten.	nta: the kid is nine not three, he's old enough to know better. can they afford to give you 2,500? can you afford to live without the 2,500? if they legitimately don't have 2,500 maybe you could let him work off some of the debt by helping you clean or doing other chores for you?	nta, while it sounds shitty written out to a lot of people, that's the same as if you ran a dealership or a high end gallery, and someone let their kid run around scratching cars or fingerprinting on museum pieces. you said no kids, that had to be worked around, okay, but then the kid wasn't even supervised, he realistically could have been killed toppling stuff like that. what the people saying yta don't realize it's that this is your livelihood. before i met my wife who is an artist, i might have said yta, but i couldn't fathom discrediting someone's hard work like that now.	oh man, reading that made me cringe. you backed yourself up so tthat something like this wouldn't happen. you specified no kids, you made it clear that that room was off limits, and you set up a gaming system to accomodate your sister after she broke the first rule. my sister is an artist, and painting stuff is expensive. i'm not the type to really understand the world behind selling paintings, but i do know there's often a lot of dedication behind it. and wtf, 9 years old is old enough to know that what he was doing was bad. i might of offered more sympathy towards your sister if we were talking 3 or 4 years old ( and even then, the kid wasn't supervised so maybe not so much). nta	nta. he's 9. 9-year-old children know better. he was doing this to be an asshole.	nta what’s...wrong with her child? at 9, intentionally destroying art like this isn’t normal. is ethan developmentally typical? the only thing i can think of is that ethan has some sort of developmental challenges and that’s why you are being expected to drop this.	is anyone going to comment about how old her sister and her sister's kid are? 24 and 9? she got pregnant at 14? only me? please i need to comprehend this and cannot do it alone.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: backstory, i’m 26 and a fairly successful artist. my sister, “lucy” (24) and her child “ethan” (9) were at my house during a late new years celebration. i had a sign posted on my art studio saying “do not enter” and specifically made it clear to all guests that nobody was to enter that room. i’d also like to note that all my guests were asked to leave their kids at home as this was for adults but ‘lucy’ couldn’t do that because she couldn’t find a sitter. anyway. note : i also set up my boyfriends ps4 for him to play on so he wouldn’t be bored. it’s 10pm, and i hear a loud crash from my studio, i run up and see paint all over my recently work that so far had taken 15 hours to do. ethan was sat there laughing, rubbing paint into my work, it’s now unsalvageable and i have to restart the work, as it was a specific request from a client. which also puts me behind for the rest of my work now!! i immediately asked ethan and lucy to leave, and the next day i sent her a bill for the work. £2500 (which is lower than i would’ve gotten for the work anyway). she’s absolutely screaming about it, the whole family is divided. my mom hates me, my dad completely agrees with me. surprise, my dad is an artist, my mum is more ‘smart smart’. my sisters husband agrees with me. i will admittedly say, i don’t enjoy kids. or their company. but i’ve always been a great auntie, presents at christmas, gifts from vacation, everything he’s wanted. am i the asshole for charging my sister £2500?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> backstory, i’m 26 and a fairly successful artist. my sister, “lucy” (24) and her child “ethan” (9) were at my house during a late new years celebration. i had a sign posted on my art studio saying “do not enter” and specifically made it clear to all guests that nobody was to enter that room. i’d also like to note that all my guests were asked to leave their kids at home as this was for adults but ‘lucy’ couldn’t do that because she couldn’t find a sitter. anyway. note : i also set up my boyfriends ps4 for him to play on so he wouldn’t be bored. it’s 10pm, and i hear a loud crash from my studio, i run up and see paint all over my recently work that so far had taken 15 hours to do. ethan was sat there laughing, rubbing paint into my work, it’s now unsalvageable and i have to restart the work, as it was a specific request from a client. which also puts me behind for the rest of my work now!! i immediately asked ethan and lucy to leave, and the next day i sent her a bill for the work. £2500 (which is lower than i would’ve gotten for the work anyway). she’s absolutely screaming about it, the whole family is divided. my mom hates me, my dad completely agrees with me. surprise, my dad is an artist, my mum is more ‘smart smart’. my sisters husband agrees with me. i will admittedly say, i don’t enjoy kids. or their company. but i’ve always been a great auntie, presents at christmas, gifts from vacation, everything he’s wanted. am i the asshole for charging my sister £2500? [/INST] nta. a) kids weren’t welcome at your event. she chose to bring her child. b) you clearly marked off the room c) she wasn’t supervising her child, which is how he was able to gain entrance to a blocked off room, and destroy your work you absolutely deserve to be compensated for your work. eta (because it got buried in the comments): d). the kid is nine. not a toddler. well into the age to differentiate right from wrong. </s>
AITA for refusing to let a woman take for from my green house and pressing charges	i (30m) live in a nice little neighborhood, everyone knows everybody, we all have our own space and many have flower gardens. i have a green house in my backyard that is visible from the street and behind a four foot picket fence. we got a new neighbor, haven't had the chance to meet them until today. i have a camera in my yard that notified me of movement near the green house so i went and checked and that's when i found a lady and young teen picking tomatoes and peppers in my green house. i raised my voice and asked what on earth they were doing and the woman says it's fine she's friends with the owner. i asked if she wants to run that by me again cause in the owner and i don't know who the hell they are. when she realized she was caught she tried to leave with a bag full of vegetables, i told her she isn't leaving with that food and she has two minutes to drop it and leave or i'm pressing charges. she starts crying that she's trying to feed her child and needs it and that she can't afford this on her record but i didn't feel like rewarding a theft and took the food from her and called the cops. she's telling everyone im an asshole and a toxic man and though most are telling her she's in the wrong, her friends on facebook are telling me i'm an asshole and should be ashamed. aita? edited for information: when she was offered the chance to leave without police involvement she screamed at me and broke a pot that had some chives growing. i don't have her on facebook. however my name is on my mail box and have since put my account to private. if she had asked first, by all means i would have given her a couple peppers, tomatoes even some squash, but she didn't.	22,973	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kra9ca/aita_for_refusing_to_let_a_woman_take_for_from_my/	2021-01-05 23:05:30	nta - she stole from you. she should have talked with you beforehand. the fact that she has the lie “i know the owner” ready to go makes me think she’s used to stealing.	nta, it was clearly a private greenhouse, she lied about knowing the owner, she filled a bag full, and then she complained about it a theft being added to her record. she knew she was doing something illegal, completely her fault. she’s just mad she got caught. get a trespassing charge on her too. if you catch her again, charges will be worse for her. she deserves it.	nta! she was stealing from you! assuming you are in the us, if she needs food assistance, there is snap (food stamps), the food handouts that are going on all over and churches who will giver her food.	nta. she could’ve knocked on your door and asked instead of trespassing and stealing.	nta she's trespassing and damaging and stealing your property - it's not better because it's food - its your food. she didn't even ask, and then had the nerve to lie. lol no. absolutely do not reward that behavior. given that she just moved into the nice area and evidently has internet, it's unlikely she's even needing food anyway. she's probably just some entitled yuppie after some free organic veg rather than someone in genuine need. not that it's your problem anyway. but how do you know about her facebook if you don't know her? did you add her or something? anyway just block them.	nta start locking the greenhouse i guess	nta "can't afford this on her record" how about not giving the legal system another reason to file charges against you? it's not that difficult to understand.	nta. she was stealing. if she was so concerned about having theft on her record then she shouldn't have been a theif.	nta. if she had asked before she took the food, then i’d call you ta. but straight up trespassing and trying to steal? uh uh. she deserved what she got.	nta. first of all, it is your own greenhouse and you can do with it as you please and besides, theft is kinda theft. second of all, i feel that the whole "i am trying to feed my child" argument is just an excuse because if she was truly in a bad position she wouldnt have done the whole "i am friends with the owner, dont mind me" spiel. she is now playing the victim card to everyone that will listen, so dont worry too much about it since they dont know your side of the story as well.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (30m) live in a nice little neighborhood, everyone knows everybody, we all have our own space and many have flower gardens. i have a green house in my backyard that is visible from the street and behind a four foot picket fence. we got a new neighbor, haven't had the chance to meet them until today. i have a camera in my yard that notified me of movement near the green house so i went and checked and that's when i found a lady and young teen picking tomatoes and peppers in my green house. i raised my voice and asked what on earth they were doing and the woman says it's fine she's friends with the owner. i asked if she wants to run that by me again cause in the owner and i don't know who the hell they are. when she realized she was caught she tried to leave with a bag full of vegetables, i told her she isn't leaving with that food and she has two minutes to drop it and leave or i'm pressing charges. she starts crying that she's trying to feed her child and needs it and that she can't afford this on her record but i didn't feel like rewarding a theft and took the food from her and called the cops. she's telling everyone im an asshole and a toxic man and though most are telling her she's in the wrong, her friends on facebook are telling me i'm an asshole and should be ashamed. aita? edited for information: when she was offered the chance to leave without police involvement she screamed at me and broke a pot that had some chives growing. i don't have her on facebook. however my name is on my mail box and have since put my account to private. if she had asked first, by all means i would have given her a couple peppers, tomatoes even some squash, but she didn't.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (30m) live in a nice little neighborhood, everyone knows everybody, we all have our own space and many have flower gardens. i have a green house in my backyard that is visible from the street and behind a four foot picket fence. we got a new neighbor, haven't had the chance to meet them until today. i have a camera in my yard that notified me of movement near the green house so i went and checked and that's when i found a lady and young teen picking tomatoes and peppers in my green house. i raised my voice and asked what on earth they were doing and the woman says it's fine she's friends with the owner. i asked if she wants to run that by me again cause in the owner and i don't know who the hell they are. when she realized she was caught she tried to leave with a bag full of vegetables, i told her she isn't leaving with that food and she has two minutes to drop it and leave or i'm pressing charges. she starts crying that she's trying to feed her child and needs it and that she can't afford this on her record but i didn't feel like rewarding a theft and took the food from her and called the cops. she's telling everyone im an asshole and a toxic man and though most are telling her she's in the wrong, her friends on facebook are telling me i'm an asshole and should be ashamed. aita? edited for information: when she was offered the chance to leave without police involvement she screamed at me and broke a pot that had some chives growing. i don't have her on facebook. however my name is on my mail box and have since put my account to private. if she had asked first, by all means i would have given her a couple peppers, tomatoes even some squash, but she didn't. [/INST] nta - she stole from you. she should have talked with you beforehand. the fact that she has the lie “i know the owner” ready to go makes me think she’s used to stealing. </s>
AITA For Telling My Sister She Was Dating My Bio-Father?	so, my life's turned into a bloody soap opera recently and i could use some outside opinions here. i (24f) am the product of my mom having an affair. fortunately my dad decided to forgive my mom and keep me, and i had a pretty good upbringing. but i don't really look a lot like the rest of my family (i'm the only redhead, among other things) and i did ask questions of a 'why am i the only one with -insert trait here-?' nature growing up. when i was 17 my mom took me out for ice cream and introduced me to my bio-father. she said that she felt i was old enough to know the truth, and explained about her affair, while also a) making me promise i wouldn't tell my older sister (27f in the present) and b) hammering home along with my bio-father that he'd never be part of my life and didn't want me. it was a lot, i won't lie, but i learned to suck it up and move on with my life. fast forward to the present. my big sis has always gravitated towards older men (we like to joke that it's the result of too many george clooney movies growing up) and two months ago shared a picture of herself and her new boyfriend. who, to my shock, turned out to be my bio-father. i debated what to do for a couple of days, then ultimately decided she needed the truth and told her. my sister did not take it well and dumped him, but she wasn't angry with me. honestly by now she's kinda amused, says that since she banged my dad she's my mom and has extra power to boss me around now. my mom on the other hand, is furious. she says i divulged something that wasn't my secret to share, and that i had no business telling anyone. that since bio-father isn't related to my sister it didn't matter if he dated my sister and it wasn't like they were talking marriage anyway. it's been two month and she's still angry, still snide, calls me a traitor and finds excuses to make loud comments about how i can't be trusted with anything private or important so beware. at the time i thought i was doing the right thing, but i've never seen my mom this angry before, and she's sustained that anger for 2 solid months, so i'm starting to worry. did i actually do something really shitty, am i the asshole? &#x200b;	22,969	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l8v24r/aita_for_telling_my_sister_she_was_dating_my/	2021-01-30 20:35:53	nta, she needed to know that, that's weird and a little too close to home. also it's kind of messed up that your older sister was never told about this key part of her family history. also if your bio-father knew who she was and her relationship to you that's really weird and creepy.	nta. your mom is taking her feelings about herself out on you. >calls me a traitor she's the one who cheated on her family >i can't be trusted with anything private or important ...says the woman who couldn't be trusted to stay faithful to her marriage. it's weird and messed up that your mother wasn't the least bit icked out that her daughter's father was hooking up with her other daughter. her feelings must be a category 4 hurricane right now.	nta. it's about your life, you can tell anyone you want!	nta that's creepy as hell, imagine if your sis ended up marrying or having a kid with him or something. your bio dad would be your brother in law, your niece would be your bio sister, and your older sister would be your step mom. yeah no, she needed to know about that, and you're not an asshole for telling her as she isn't even mad. your mom on the other hand shouldn't be mad either, because does she seriously want her daughter to marry her fling???	nta. your mom is deeply, deeply embarrassed by her infidelity. rather than be a fucking adult about it and become a better person she's put the burden of keeping her secret on your shoulders. your origin is not her secret, it's your life. next time it comes up tell her she can shut up and deal with it or you'll be perfectly happy to start telling everyone. after all, you're not the one who has anything to hide here.	nta. this guy (your bio-dad) bangs a married woman and then bangs her daughter? your mom really does not care about her own husband does she? she really does not care that the guy who banged his wife was now banging his daughter? holy shit, your (non-bio) dad deserves an award for putting up with your mom.	nta you did nothing wrong. you did the correct thing . you mom on the other hand is dead wrong for say you can not be trusted. she is lashing out because her secret and lies are no longer hidden. it is great you and your sister are laughing about it now.. since you 2 are the ones that should have known that info. how does you dad feel about it ?.	nta. few things are more your business than your family history. 1. it is entirely inappropriate for another person to say you need to keep secrets about yourself, and that's exactly what this was. 2. it is just as inappropriate for a parent to divulge infidelity to their own child and then expect them to keep the secret. that is not healthy parenting, and your mother is as big an asshole for that as for the original affair. you are not responsible for your mother's good name, nor do you need to hide the truth of your history in order to make her more comfortable with her own poor decisions.	nta and also weird af because she doesn't see anything wrong with the fact that she and your sister shared a dick. your mom is problematic af. i would clown her on the regular for sleeping with the same person my sister slept with.	nta. however, your bio-dad is majorly the asshole. he’s your dad and hooked up with your mom before...he knew what he was doing. also, your mom and sister haven’t handled it well either. saying “i banged your dad” is an asshole move, and your mom staying angry with you for so long is one too.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, my life's turned into a bloody soap opera recently and i could use some outside opinions here. i (24f) am the product of my mom having an affair. fortunately my dad decided to forgive my mom and keep me, and i had a pretty good upbringing. but i don't really look a lot like the rest of my family (i'm the only redhead, among other things) and i did ask questions of a 'why am i the only one with -insert trait here-?' nature growing up. when i was 17 my mom took me out for ice cream and introduced me to my bio-father. she said that she felt i was old enough to know the truth, and explained about her affair, while also a) making me promise i wouldn't tell my older sister (27f in the present) and b) hammering home along with my bio-father that he'd never be part of my life and didn't want me. it was a lot, i won't lie, but i learned to suck it up and move on with my life. fast forward to the present. my big sis has always gravitated towards older men (we like to joke that it's the result of too many george clooney movies growing up) and two months ago shared a picture of herself and her new boyfriend. who, to my shock, turned out to be my bio-father. i debated what to do for a couple of days, then ultimately decided she needed the truth and told her. my sister did not take it well and dumped him, but she wasn't angry with me. honestly by now she's kinda amused, says that since she banged my dad she's my mom and has extra power to boss me around now. my mom on the other hand, is furious*. she says i divulged something that wasn't my secret to share, and that i had no business telling anyone. that since bio-father isn't related to my sister it didn't matter if he dated my sister and it wasn't like they were talking marriage anyway. it's been two month and she's still angry, still snide, calls me a traitor and finds excuses to make loud comments about how i can't be trusted with anything private or important so beware. at the time i thought i was doing the right thing, but i've never seen my mom this angry before, and she's sustained that anger for 2 solid months, so i'm starting to worry. did i actually do something really shitty, am i the asshole? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so, my life's turned into a bloody soap opera recently and i could use some outside opinions here. i (24f) am the product of my mom having an affair. fortunately my dad decided to forgive my mom and keep me, and i had a pretty good upbringing. but i don't really look a lot like the rest of my family (i'm the only redhead, among other things) and i did ask questions of a 'why am i the only one with -insert trait here-?' nature growing up. when i was 17 my mom took me out for ice cream and introduced me to my bio-father. she said that she felt i was old enough to know the truth, and explained about her affair, while also a) making me promise i wouldn't tell my older sister (27f in the present) and b) hammering home along with my bio-father that he'd never be part of my life and didn't want me. it was a lot, i won't lie, but i learned to suck it up and move on with my life. fast forward to the present. my big sis has always gravitated towards older men (we like to joke that it's the result of too many george clooney movies growing up) and two months ago shared a picture of herself and her new boyfriend. who, to my shock, turned out to be my bio-father. i debated what to do for a couple of days, then ultimately decided she needed the truth and told her. my sister did not take it well and dumped him, but she wasn't angry with me. honestly by now she's kinda amused, says that since she banged my dad she's my mom and has extra power to boss me around now. my mom on the other hand, is furious*. she says i divulged something that wasn't my secret to share, and that i had no business telling anyone. that since bio-father isn't related to my sister it didn't matter if he dated my sister and it wasn't like they were talking marriage anyway. it's been two month and she's still angry, still snide, calls me a traitor and finds excuses to make loud comments about how i can't be trusted with anything private or important so beware. at the time i thought i was doing the right thing, but i've never seen my mom this angry before, and she's sustained that anger for 2 solid months, so i'm starting to worry. did i actually do something really shitty, am i the asshole? &#x200b; [/INST] nta, she needed to know that, that's weird and a little too close to home. also it's kind of messed up that your older sister was never told about this key part of her family history. also if your bio-father knew who she was and her relationship to you that's really weird and creepy. </s>
AITA for not inviting my kid's whole class to his birthday party?	i(28f) am a mother of a wonderful 8 years old son. this whole thing happened last april, but i am still getting complaints. so here i am asking strangers for a judgement on the internet. so last year was my kid's first year in "big kids' school" like he calls it, since his first grade coincided with the pandemic. we are not in the best place financially; like most families, our consumer debt piled on and we are throwing every spare cent at it. so when it was time to throw him a party, i only invited 5 of his classmates, the ones he considered his friends. for the others i sent 2 dozen cupcakes and juice boxes to class. the invites were delivered to their houses and not in front of the other kids. like i said, money was tight so i got creative. i made 9 small cakes (box cakes, vanilla, chocolate and funfetti), buttercream in different colours. also made big sugar cookies and different coloured frosting and sprinkles. and finally bought tortillas, made pizza sauce and had a variety of toppings. i asked that the kids bring swimsuits and water guns. we had a make your own pizza station for lunch, then they played with their water guns. then they decorated their cakes and finally their cookies to take home with them. that was a saturday. well the next monday, the kids would not stop raving about how fun the party was, how it was the best birthday party ever. the other kids were not happy to not be invited. at pick up tuesday, a couple moms confronted me about not inviting their kids. i said that i am sorry, but it was a small party for his close friends only. they kept complaining about me excluding their kids. i didn't take it seriously then, but now it is a new school year, almost 6 month later, and i am still getting the occasional comment thrown at me. so aita?	22,949	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wy7cud/aita_for_not_inviting_my_kids_whole_class_to_his/	2022-08-26 12:01:52	nta. you invited five children. i am honestly boggled at any parents that think it’s okay to confront you about the fact their child was not invited. that is absurd honestly.	nta. i wouldn’t invite the whole class either. they loved it because it was different. and if nobody’s told you of late, you’re an awesome mum xx	nta. teacher opinion here- as long as the invites were given outside of school (which you stated they were) then you’re fine. it’s one thing to give specific students invitations in front of everyone but you can’t control what kids are going to talk about 🤷🏼‍♀️	i have never ever heard of a birthday party involving the whole class. those complaining are just jealous and think their kid is entitled to all the birthday parties. nta	well, if you only excluded one or two they're going to feel left out... oh, you didn't. well, you shouldn't hand out the invitations in school... oh you didn't. those are the only two reasons that might tip you to the ah side of things. nta	nta. you did everything right. you sent treats for the class, you sent invitations to private homes rather than inviting kids at school, and it sounds like you gave your son a fantastic, creative party on a shoestring budget. you’re a good mom. you can’t control that the party was such fun that the kids still wanted to talk about it on monday, and you are under no obligation to invite everyone in the class over to your home.	nta for throwing your son a wholesome and creative party. you’re not obligated to invite the whole class.	nta, it's crazy how fucking entitled some parents are and i'm sorry you had to deal with that	nta, maybe i'm just not familiar with this aspect of american culture, but why would you want kids you don't consider your friends to be in your birthday party? or why would i want to be invited to a birthday party of a kid from class i barely know? i say the party eas better the way you did it	unless im missing something, nta at all. you have every right to determine the budget and activities for your kid and his close friends. the moms who are bitching need to grow up and teach their children the world doesn’t revolve around them. good on you for coming up with such a fun party day that the kiddos were raving about it! their mothers should take notes instead of making you feel guilty!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(28f) am a mother of a wonderful 8 years old son. this whole thing happened last april, but i am still getting complaints. so here i am asking strangers for a judgement on the internet. so last year was my kid's first year in "big kids' school" like he calls it, since his first grade coincided with the pandemic. we are not in the best place financially; like most families, our consumer debt piled on and we are throwing every spare cent at it. so when it was time to throw him a party, i only invited 5 of his classmates, the ones he considered his friends. for the others i sent 2 dozen cupcakes and juice boxes to class. the invites were delivered to their houses and not in front of the other kids. like i said, money was tight so i got creative. i made 9 small cakes (box cakes, vanilla, chocolate and funfetti), buttercream in different colours. also made big sugar cookies and different coloured frosting and sprinkles. and finally bought tortillas, made pizza sauce and had a variety of toppings. i asked that the kids bring swimsuits and water guns. we had a make your own pizza station for lunch, then they played with their water guns. then they decorated their cakes and finally their cookies to take home with them. that was a saturday. well the next monday, the kids would not stop raving about how fun the party was, how it was the best birthday party ever. the other kids were not happy to not be invited. at pick up tuesday, a couple moms confronted me about not inviting their kids. i said that i am sorry, but it was a small party for his close friends only. they kept complaining about me excluding their kids. i didn't take it seriously then, but now it is a new school year, almost 6 month later, and i am still getting the occasional comment thrown at me. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i(28f) am a mother of a wonderful 8 years old son. this whole thing happened last april, but i am still getting complaints. so here i am asking strangers for a judgement on the internet. so last year was my kid's first year in "big kids' school" like he calls it, since his first grade coincided with the pandemic. we are not in the best place financially; like most families, our consumer debt piled on and we are throwing every spare cent at it. so when it was time to throw him a party, i only invited 5 of his classmates, the ones he considered his friends. for the others i sent 2 dozen cupcakes and juice boxes to class. the invites were delivered to their houses and not in front of the other kids. like i said, money was tight so i got creative. i made 9 small cakes (box cakes, vanilla, chocolate and funfetti), buttercream in different colours. also made big sugar cookies and different coloured frosting and sprinkles. and finally bought tortillas, made pizza sauce and had a variety of toppings. i asked that the kids bring swimsuits and water guns. we had a make your own pizza station for lunch, then they played with their water guns. then they decorated their cakes and finally their cookies to take home with them. that was a saturday. well the next monday, the kids would not stop raving about how fun the party was, how it was the best birthday party ever. the other kids were not happy to not be invited. at pick up tuesday, a couple moms confronted me about not inviting their kids. i said that i am sorry, but it was a small party for his close friends only. they kept complaining about me excluding their kids. i didn't take it seriously then, but now it is a new school year, almost 6 month later, and i am still getting the occasional comment thrown at me. so aita? [/INST] nta. you invited five children. i am honestly boggled at any parents that think it’s okay to confront you about the fact their child was not invited. that is absurd honestly. </s>
AITA for kicking my sister out to the streets because she cannot take my "f***ing violin" playing?	i am(30f) a musician, playing gigs and at an orchestra as a violinist. rehearsals just resumed so orchestra is my main source of income atm. my sister(26f) is a social worker, working 3days a week so minimal income but she adores her job. i live in a small 2 bedroom apartment (both rooms around 9-10sqr meters), using the second room as a practice room/storage for my instruments (3violins, 2 guitars, a digital piano, a small drum kit), and other stuff. 4 months ago my sister broke up with her bf and i offered her my spare room, temporarily. i moved most of my stuff to the living room so i could fit a small bed in there. sis moved in, but she asked me to move more stuff to the living room. i moved pretty much everything sans the piano, to the point where the living room became uninhabitable. then she started complaining about my violin playing, saying it gave her headaches. i told her i couldn't stop the daily practice without risking my only steady income. the arguments got worse. she told me to play only when she wasn't home, but with her work schedule i couldn't afford that. i tried switching to the electric violin, but even that can be pretty loud so it didn't help. several times i reminded her this was only a temporary arragement, but she didn't seem to hear me. two weeks ago i arrived home to finding my piano in the bathroom (near water and humidity!), because my sis needed the space for her new double bed. when i told her she can't srsly expect me to store my piano there, she said "yeah, you will just have to sell it i guess". i got so mad i told her she has 7 days to leave, but she didn't take me seriously. for a week i only talked to her to remind her how much time she has left, but she always laughed it off, told me to "stop acting like a crazy person". when the deadline came i boxed up all her stuff while she was at work, booked an rbnb bedsit close by and drove her stuff there. she was livid but couldn't do anything but take her new keys and stay there. the following week she kept calling me with an increasingly apologetic tone, saying she shouldn't have moved my piano or bought a bed. she promised she would put more effort into finding a new place, and by the end of the week i considered most of our issues at least addressed, so i drove to help her move back. but when i was carrying the first box down, she went "i do hope you will at least stop with the violin this time. i absolutely refuse to take more of that f***ing violin." i dropped the box, wished her good luck and left. now, two days later: on one hand it feels like a huge overreaction to leave my own sister literally homeless because of an argument about the violin (i know she cannot afford to stay there), but on the other hand i have no plans to allow her back here, because i feel she would just continue crossing boundaries and never leave. so, aita?	22,945	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nu1gfv/aita_for_kicking_my_sister_out_to_the_streets/	2021-06-07 02:07:36	nta- noise canceling headphones...problem sloved. if she is unable to do the absolute bare minimum than she clearly doesn't mind being homeless. it is absolutely absurd that she would touch a musician's instruments, in their house, and not know that there would not be a repercussions. you even gave her a second chance. focus on your work and she can deal with her problems.	yeah, no. nta. i'm a professional musician as well (opera singer). as musicians, we must practice to keep our skills in good upkeep and flexibility, especially after a damn year of gig drought.	as someone who suffers from.chronic migraines and the sound of constant violin would cause me intense pain, every single day........ i'm still saying nta. she is living in your home. if she gets headaches from.violin playing she either should make herself scarce or buy earplugs/noise cancelling headphones. when i had to move back in with my parents, i never bitched when my stepfather would have zoom meetings for work in the next room. i'd ask them to keep it down if i had a bad migraine, but only when he wasn't working. id never ask him to sacrifice his job performance, which is what she's asking you to do. nta	nta. guests don't get to make the rules for what you can do in your own household. entitled freeloading guests who think they make the rules are the absolute worst.	nta. she only had one job-graciously accept you providing shelter for her. but she effed it up, despite multiple points where she could've sucked it up. ling ling approves.	nta if the violin bothered her, she should've made herself scarce during practice hours	nta. yeah your sister told you that your profession and your need to practice didn't matter . . . because it inconvenienced her. she doesn't give a damn about you or your life, she just wants what she wants, when she wants it. your sister feels entitled to trash your profession and tell you that your professional accomplishments don't matter because her needs obviously need to take priority. yeah, you didn't over-react. your sister told you that your life and your career don't matter a hill of beans when compared to her need for peace and quiet. feel no guilt.	nta. i guess we can see why her bf dumped her too. obviously your violin is essential for your working life, and as a guest it was up to her to accommodate herself to it. buying herself a new bed for your apartment without asking is a huge boundary transgression, likewise the piano. she sounds very self-centred. hopefully this whole affair will prove a wake-up call for her, though my hopes are not high.	nta. choosy beggar, much??	nta. she's disrespectful and entitled. you were trying to do her a favor and she was rude at every possible turn. let her find another job and figure out her own living situation. i agree with you, i think if you let her back in she'd be sorry for a day or two and go right back to her old tricks. you deserve better. reclaim your music room and keep doing what you need to be successful.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am(30f) a musician, playing gigs and at an orchestra as a violinist. rehearsals just resumed so orchestra is my main source of income atm. my sister(26f) is a social worker, working 3days a week so minimal income but she adores her job. i live in a small 2 bedroom apartment (both rooms around 9-10sqr meters), using the second room as a practice room/storage for my instruments (3violins, 2 guitars, a digital piano, a small drum kit), and other stuff. 4 months ago my sister broke up with her bf and i offered her my spare room, temporarily. i moved most of my stuff to the living room so i could fit a small bed in there. sis moved in, but she asked me to move more stuff to the living room. i moved pretty much everything sans the piano, to the point where the living room became uninhabitable. then she started complaining about my violin playing, saying it gave her headaches. i told her i couldn't stop the daily practice without risking my only steady income. the arguments got worse. she told me to play only when she wasn't home, but with her work schedule i couldn't afford that. i tried switching to the electric violin, but even that can be pretty loud so it didn't help. several times i reminded her this was only a temporary arragement, but she didn't seem to hear me. two weeks ago i arrived home to finding my piano in the bathroom (near water and humidity!), because my sis needed the space for her new double bed. when i told her she can't srsly expect me to store my piano there, she said "yeah, you will just have to sell it i guess". i got so mad i told her she has 7 days to leave, but she didn't take me seriously. for a week i only talked to her to remind her how much time she has left, but she always laughed it off, told me to "stop acting like a crazy person". when the deadline came i boxed up all her stuff while she was at work, booked an rbnb bedsit close by and drove her stuff there. she was livid but couldn't do anything but take her new keys and stay there. the following week she kept calling me with an increasingly apologetic tone, saying she shouldn't have moved my piano or bought a bed. she promised she would put more effort into finding a new place, and by the end of the week i considered most of our issues at least addressed, so i drove to help her move back. but when i was carrying the first box down, she went "i do hope you will at least stop with the violin this time. i absolutely refuse to take more of that f*ing violin." i dropped the box, wished her good luck and left. now, two days later: on one hand it feels like a huge overreaction to leave my own sister literally homeless because of an argument about the violin (i know she cannot afford to stay there), but on the other hand i have no plans to allow her back here, because i feel she would just continue crossing boundaries and never leave. so, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am(30f) a musician, playing gigs and at an orchestra as a violinist. rehearsals just resumed so orchestra is my main source of income atm. my sister(26f) is a social worker, working 3days a week so minimal income but she adores her job. i live in a small 2 bedroom apartment (both rooms around 9-10sqr meters), using the second room as a practice room/storage for my instruments (3violins, 2 guitars, a digital piano, a small drum kit), and other stuff. 4 months ago my sister broke up with her bf and i offered her my spare room, temporarily. i moved most of my stuff to the living room so i could fit a small bed in there. sis moved in, but she asked me to move more stuff to the living room. i moved pretty much everything sans the piano, to the point where the living room became uninhabitable. then she started complaining about my violin playing, saying it gave her headaches. i told her i couldn't stop the daily practice without risking my only steady income. the arguments got worse. she told me to play only when she wasn't home, but with her work schedule i couldn't afford that. i tried switching to the electric violin, but even that can be pretty loud so it didn't help. several times i reminded her this was only a temporary arragement, but she didn't seem to hear me. two weeks ago i arrived home to finding my piano in the bathroom (near water and humidity!), because my sis needed the space for her new double bed. when i told her she can't srsly expect me to store my piano there, she said "yeah, you will just have to sell it i guess". i got so mad i told her she has 7 days to leave, but she didn't take me seriously. for a week i only talked to her to remind her how much time she has left, but she always laughed it off, told me to "stop acting like a crazy person". when the deadline came i boxed up all her stuff while she was at work, booked an rbnb bedsit close by and drove her stuff there. she was livid but couldn't do anything but take her new keys and stay there. the following week she kept calling me with an increasingly apologetic tone, saying she shouldn't have moved my piano or bought a bed. she promised she would put more effort into finding a new place, and by the end of the week i considered most of our issues at least addressed, so i drove to help her move back. but when i was carrying the first box down, she went "i do hope you will at least stop with the violin this time. i absolutely refuse to take more of that f*ing violin." i dropped the box, wished her good luck and left. now, two days later: on one hand it feels like a huge overreaction to leave my own sister literally homeless because of an argument about the violin (i know she cannot afford to stay there), but on the other hand i have no plans to allow her back here, because i feel she would just continue crossing boundaries and never leave. so, aita? [/INST] nta- noise canceling headphones...problem sloved. if she is unable to do the absolute bare minimum than she clearly doesn't mind being homeless. it is absolutely absurd that she would touch a musician's instruments, in their house, and not know that there would not be a repercussions. you even gave her a second chance. focus on your work and she can deal with her problems. </s>
AITA for refusing to support my niece's lifestyle?	my sister and her husband were sent to prison at the start of this year, and sadly won't be released for a few years. that left me to look after their 15 year old daughter amy. i was perfectly happy to do this, but as most of their wealth was seized for being "ill gotten", it's meant that i've been having to care for her out of my own pocket. once again this doesn't bother me, but it's meant massive life changes for the kid. firstly, they sent her to a private school. i can't afford anywhere near those fees, so i had to transfer her to a local school. she was upset at this at first, but she quickly made friends and is excelling academically so this isn't a huge problem. she's been off school for the last few months anyway due to the situation. a bigger problem is clothing. like my sister amy loves fashion and designer stuff. she's still got a lot of stuff that her parents got her, but she's always on the lookout for new clothes. unfortunately, i can't afford anywhere near the sort of stuff she likes, and i also have two children of my own whose clothing i have to pay for. i have told my sister this, but she insists i should "make allowances" because her daughter is going through a tough time. amy also really doesn't get along with my daughter hannah, who is 11. she bullies her, calls her stupid and ugly, tells her none of her friends really like her etc. she has made her cry on many occasions and and often continues to taunt hannah while she cries. yesterday i caught amy trying to buy a dress costing over a thousand with my card. i was fuming and had a long conversation with her. she cried, and sobbed that she just wanted one nice thing. my sister called from the prison, and amy cried over the phone that she hates here and i treat her unfairly. i spoke to my sister afterwards and she begged me to go easy on her daughter because she's "still adjusting". i put food on this kid's plate. i buy her whatever clothes i can afford, even if they aren't to her taste. i take her to visit her parents as much as possible (they're held in different facilities) and i do all of that on top of working and looking after my own children. i told my sister that i was willing to look after her daughter for as long as she needs, but if anything like the card incident happens again, or if she continues to pick on my daughter, there will be serious consequences for her. my sister wanted to argue but they get limited time on the prison phone. i think what i'm doing is right. i get that the kid is going through a tough time, and i'm doing everything i can to be there for her. but i can't just tolerate bad behaviour or bullying, and i can't afford to pay for her expensive clothing. the fact that she's struggling to deal with what happened to her parents doesn't change that.	22,930	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iao1c0/aita_for_refusing_to_support_my_nieces_lifestyle/	2020-08-16 07:02:18	nta, obviously. but how are you supporting this child’s transition? is she in therapy yet?	nta your sister is at a whole new level of entitlement here. her own choices have placed amy in this situation, and it's fallen on you to care for her. you have stepped up and it sounds like you're doing a bang-up job. your responsibilities are to ensure that amy is fed, clothed, housed, educated, and loved/supported. you're doing all those things. your responsibilities do not extend to buying amy designer clothing, much less a dress that costs $1,000 if you are on a budget. &#x200b; amy is indeed going through a tough time but she needs to learn a couple of tough lessons. namely, your income can't cover the same lifestyle that her mother's ill-gotten funds did, she is not owed designer clothes, using your credit card without your permission is absolutely stealing, and is not justified by "wanting one nice thing". &#x200b; good for you for role-modelling some sane and reasonable values for this poor girl before she grows up to repeat all of her mother's mistakes.	am i harsh? sit this kid down (15yo ffs) and give her a few home truths. her previous lifestyle was funded by the criminal proceeds of her criminal parents who because of their crimes are now banged up. now either get a bit of character and learn to adapt with grace to your new circumstances n budget or go into care. she's already showing criminal tenancies by taking your card w/out your consent. her choice. yta for letting this verucca salt continue to abuse your kids doing untold damage to your (previously happy) kids and making them feel unsafe in their own home.	nta is your niece in therapy?	nta. i know you said that money is kind of tight but you need to shell out for one more expense: therapy for amy. maybe you can get someone to see her on a sliding scale proportionate to your income. she’s bullying your daughter because she feels powerless and a younger child is the one person she can have power over. you’re a great aunt/uncle for going the distance. a lot of people would have let amy end up in foster care and not have thought twice about it. but, you have to get that girl professional help. as for your sister, her irresponsible behind doesn’t get a vote on anything after what she’s done. so, she can stop whining to you about going easy on amy. by the way, no 15 year-old needs a thousand dollar dress and you can tell her that i said so.	nah — amy isn’t a spoiled brat, as some less than kind people have been commenting here. she’s a traumatized teen who’s just lost both her parents to the prison system and now has to adapt to a very, very different way of life and it’s an extreme adjustment for someone to do without her parents by her side and in a totally new home with a “sibling” when she was used to being the only child. yes, amy’s behavior cannot continue this way and op and hannah do not deserve to be treated this way, but amy also more than deserves compassion from us commenters. i read in the comments that op is hopefully going to get amy therapy and i think that will help her a ton. op is also n t a here for setting boundaries and limits with amy, because she can’t afford amy’s old life and she also is now responsible for teaching amy how to live in the “real” world and she also will be responsible for showing amy what a real family is like, one that doesn’t rely on illegal behavior.	a $1000 dress is not a nice thing, it's a crazy caprice. 15 yo is old enough to understand that she was spoiled with ill-acquired money, that this was illegal and can't go on. you are doing the right thing by saying no. the problem is how to "force" her change, and most of all, to stop her from bullying your kids. i really don't know what you should do. is there some specialized educator you could get in touch with?	nta. did your sister ever explain to her daughter why her parents went to prison? it obviously had to do with having money they weren’t entitled to or it wouldn’t have been frozen. when she visits them do you know if her parents are telling her this is no big deal, everything’s cool, we’ll be back on top again really soon and everything will be like it was? if the daughter has not faced and isn’t facing what’s happening, that the money and lifestyle are gone and she better get right with you fast if she wants dinner and a roof over her head, this may need some sit downs between you and your sister to explain the way things are going to be. “your parents are in prison because they done wrong and took money that wasn’t theirs. it’s gone forever. you won’t get it from me and if you try to take it there will be consequences; look to your parents for reference.”	nta. you are putting up your best effort. amy is going through a lot, that doesn't excuse her misbehaviour. you are an adult, and taking care of her, for free, even though you are not required too. you could have said no. she shouldn't get away with trying to use or card or bullying your daughter. bullying is not forgivable. if amy wants expensive stuff, tell her to get a job, she is 15, she can do part time and spend her own money on designer clothes. and if your sister keeps wsking you to go easy on her, tell her to earn money herself, and send it to her daughter for spending. i am really proud of you for taking amy into your care and giving her a good life.	nta. firstly, the kid is old enough for a conversation. have you talked to her about the situation- i.e- your parents weren’t wealthy on their own- they stole from others? so her inflated sense of wealth is no longer? that you do not have that kind of money, and therefore she is going to have to deal with the current reality? that it is not at all acceptable that she steal from you or bully her younger cousin? that there will be consequences for continued evidence of either? i’m sure this seems rather obvious, but given the shock she’s been through maybe she hasn’t fully processed all this. and despite all of that, let her know that she is loved, which is why she has a place to live right now. and that, while it is unfortunate that she has been thrown into the mix of all this, it is what it is and she has to adjust to it. she has a minimal amount of time to position herself well for future goals and success so she’d better get to work. she no longer has her parent’s wealth to rely on to maintain her previous lifestyle. secondly, you need to have a conversation with your sister. not only is her daughter also paying for her crimes, but she did a job on her daughter. she has thus far raised a selfish and entitled mean girl who sees nothing wrong in trying to steal from the only family who can take her in, and bully her younger cousin. she is a product of their hubris and now this girl is set up badly for the life she will have to have. she will have to grow up rather quickly and realize that while none of this is her fault, it is what it is. her mom has to stop making excuses for her behavior and asking you to do so. it’s a really rotten situation for all. however, allowing the kid to live in denial about her situation will not help her overall. right now she has a roof over her head, food, clothes, and can see her parents. you will need to provide her a clear set of reasonable boundaries for her behavior and hold her accountable to them. and, you need to tell your sister the same. this is the reality of the situation. she needs to inform her daughter that she is lucky to have a place to live with family, and has to pull it together and adjust to the new reality, because life will never be as it was again. she is going to have to learn how to be successful on her own and in a legal way. she will likely need to grieve for the life she lost with her parents for a bit, but having those boundaries in place and holding her accountable will hopefully provide her the structure she needs to build a new life going forward. in the meantime, depending where you live, most cities have counseling services available on a sliding scale basis so if you cannot afford much then it may be low to free cost for her to be able to access. she is going to need to work through some issues to process everything that has tossed her world upside down. and, if the attempts at stealing or bullying continue, you will have to hold her accountable to that behavior. which may mean calling police, or getting children’s services involved and re-homing if it gets that bad. i would call children’s services and see what your options are if this behavior escalated and she puts your family at risk. you need to know what boundaries you can enforce. hopefully she will come to the realization that while her life will never be as it was, she is lucky that she has a soft place to land and start over.	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.048498	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and her husband were sent to prison at the start of this year, and sadly won't be released for a few years. that left me to look after their 15 year old daughter amy. i was perfectly happy to do this, but as most of their wealth was seized for being "ill gotten", it's meant that i've been having to care for her out of my own pocket. once again this doesn't bother me, but it's meant massive life changes for the kid. firstly, they sent her to a private school. i can't afford anywhere near those fees, so i had to transfer her to a local school. she was upset at this at first, but she quickly made friends and is excelling academically so this isn't a huge problem. she's been off school for the last few months anyway due to the situation. a bigger problem is clothing. like my sister amy loves fashion and designer stuff. she's still got a lot of stuff that her parents got her, but she's always on the lookout for new clothes. unfortunately, i can't afford anywhere near the sort of stuff she likes, and i also have two children of my own whose clothing i have to pay for. i have told my sister this, but she insists i should "make allowances" because her daughter is going through a tough time. amy also really doesn't get along with my daughter hannah, who is 11. she bullies her, calls her stupid and ugly, tells her none of her friends really like her etc. she has made her cry on many occasions and and often continues to taunt hannah while she cries. yesterday i caught amy trying to buy a dress costing over a thousand with my card. i was fuming and had a long conversation with her. she cried, and sobbed that she just wanted one nice thing. my sister called from the prison, and amy cried over the phone that she hates here and i treat her unfairly. i spoke to my sister afterwards and she begged me to go easy on her daughter because she's "still adjusting". i put food on this kid's plate. i buy her whatever clothes i can afford, even if they aren't to her taste. i take her to visit her parents as much as possible (they're held in different facilities) and i do all of that on top of working and looking after my own children. i told my sister that i was willing to look after her daughter for as long as she needs, but if anything like the card incident happens again, or if she continues to pick on my daughter, there will be serious consequences for her. my sister wanted to argue but they get limited time on the prison phone. i think what i'm doing is right. i get that the kid is going through a tough time, and i'm doing everything i can to be there for her. but i can't just tolerate bad behaviour or bullying, and i can't afford to pay for her expensive clothing. the fact that she's struggling to deal with what happened to her parents doesn't change that.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sister and her husband were sent to prison at the start of this year, and sadly won't be released for a few years. that left me to look after their 15 year old daughter amy. i was perfectly happy to do this, but as most of their wealth was seized for being "ill gotten", it's meant that i've been having to care for her out of my own pocket. once again this doesn't bother me, but it's meant massive life changes for the kid. firstly, they sent her to a private school. i can't afford anywhere near those fees, so i had to transfer her to a local school. she was upset at this at first, but she quickly made friends and is excelling academically so this isn't a huge problem. she's been off school for the last few months anyway due to the situation. a bigger problem is clothing. like my sister amy loves fashion and designer stuff. she's still got a lot of stuff that her parents got her, but she's always on the lookout for new clothes. unfortunately, i can't afford anywhere near the sort of stuff she likes, and i also have two children of my own whose clothing i have to pay for. i have told my sister this, but she insists i should "make allowances" because her daughter is going through a tough time. amy also really doesn't get along with my daughter hannah, who is 11. she bullies her, calls her stupid and ugly, tells her none of her friends really like her etc. she has made her cry on many occasions and and often continues to taunt hannah while she cries. yesterday i caught amy trying to buy a dress costing over a thousand with my card. i was fuming and had a long conversation with her. she cried, and sobbed that she just wanted one nice thing. my sister called from the prison, and amy cried over the phone that she hates here and i treat her unfairly. i spoke to my sister afterwards and she begged me to go easy on her daughter because she's "still adjusting". i put food on this kid's plate. i buy her whatever clothes i can afford, even if they aren't to her taste. i take her to visit her parents as much as possible (they're held in different facilities) and i do all of that on top of working and looking after my own children. i told my sister that i was willing to look after her daughter for as long as she needs, but if anything like the card incident happens again, or if she continues to pick on my daughter, there will be serious consequences for her. my sister wanted to argue but they get limited time on the prison phone. i think what i'm doing is right. i get that the kid is going through a tough time, and i'm doing everything i can to be there for her. but i can't just tolerate bad behaviour or bullying, and i can't afford to pay for her expensive clothing. the fact that she's struggling to deal with what happened to her parents doesn't change that. [/INST] nta, obviously. but how are you supporting this child’s transition? is she in therapy yet? </s>
AITA for letting my MIL and SIL find our (hubby's and mine) bedroom toys because I suspected they snooped in my drawers?	my (27f) husband (32m) and i have been dating for 6 years and married for 4, we have a 3 year old baby boy and since we don't plan on having more children, i told my husband that i wanted to get my boobs redone because i wanted them more perky and i had surgery last year. my mil has always been sniffy because my husband is her only son, we've gone lc over the years because she's overbearing with him and dismissing with me, things got a little better when our baby was born, but after my surgery? oof, it's like i wrote in my forehead ''look at my boobs, i want to cheat on my husband'', she's always implying that i did it for male validation (yeah, your son's ffs), that i'll leave my husband, that i look like a hooker because i wear stuff that shows cleavage, that i could've gotten them a little smaller, everything. she also complaint about my clothes (and underwear) a lot, because ''no married woman with a child should dress like this''. and see, that's what stung me because, how could she know? i suspected she was going in my drawers, but my husband told me that she could never, she made a comment about a cute set of lingerie that shows basically everything and i was confused, i asked how'd she knows i have it and she said ''she saw it in the washing machine'' but i prefer to wash my sets by hand so the lace last longer. anyway, we recently changed our bedroom and i had an idea to put an end to this, when i was restocking my drawers, i used one in my vanity to put all of my husband's and mines sex toys, a few sets and a dirty letter he wrote to me once. my mil visited us a few times and said nothing, so i did felt bad for accusing her, but yesterday she was here with my sil and my husband and i were in the kitchen cooking for them. we heard my mil calling us and when we went to our room they were standing next to my open drawer, i just snorted, looked at my husband and said ''see? she snoops.'' my husband got red in the face, berated my mil and my sil and they both left after calling me indecent. my husband is mad at them, but he's mad at me too because he says i shouldn't have set a trap for his family and is saying we three need to apologize to each other, so maybe aita?	22,925	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u5u6fz/aita_for_letting_my_mil_and_sil_find_our_hubbys/	2022-04-17 19:24:08	nta. they're acting like you put a dildo in the cutlery drawer and waited for them to discover it while cooking dinner. it's not a trap, it's just another drawer in your bedroom.	if your husband didn’t want you to set a trap, he should’ve have taken your concerns seriously instead of dismissing them. you tried to talk to him first. he didn’t listen. were you supposed to just ignore your suspicions that your overbearing mil was invading your privacy?? also, after the first comment about your breasts, that woman should have been banned from your house. imagine going into someone else’s home, criticizing their body, talking about their underwear, and insinuating they’re a slut?! holy cow. that audacity of that woman. you’re nta but you and your husband need to establish new boundaries with mil. and he needs to have your back because this shit cannot keep happening.	nta. they really called you in to your own bedroom to berate you over what you keep in your own drawers? never let these people back in to your home again.	it's not a trap, it's your drawer and your toys	nta, you kept your stuff in your drawer in your house. if you go looking through someone else's stuff you can't complain about what you find.	nta. your husband is a problem though- on what planet was that your fault??? his family shouldn’t be allowed back in your house because they invade your privacy and slut shame you regularly, they do it in front of him, and his reaction is for you to apologize too smdh. that’s outrageous. you have every right to not be around people who demean you and violate your boundaries and to not want your children around them as well. i would go no contact instead of low.	nta it's indecent for you to have sex toys tucked away in a drawer in the privacy of your own bedroom but her behavior isn't? she keeps intentionally snooping, trying to sniff out anything sexually related? what the hell is her fascination with you and her own son's sex life? maybe you should ask her. also, it's not entrapment to put stuff in a damn drawer in a dresser you own, in your bedroom, in your house. are you just supposed to fill it with socks and hide everything else under a floorboard, lest mommy's prying eyes find something to be offended over? your husband needed a slap of reality. he got it, but he's still not wanting to fully acknowledge or deal with it, because yeah he may be "mad at them" but he's also still trying to put this on you. it's your fault he can't continue to ignore it now. he gets a y t a too albeit a softer one than nosy mil and sil.	nta this is hilarious and exactly what you should have done. if he wasnt willing to listen that they were anooping you had evrry right to trap them. also, you hwve every right to out in your drawers what you want. it is your house and your drawers. gross od mil and sil your husband needs to apologize to you and put his mama in her place	nta. when a normal person accidently opens a drawer in someone's bedroom, say to borrow a hairbrush or hand cream, and discovers something "scandalous" instead, they quickly close it and pretend they never saw it in the first place. stashing handcuffs and thongs in the pantry is a trap. moving your sex toys to a drawer in your bedroom is not.	hey are you planning to show this to your husband with all of our opinions about how awful his mom is? because she majorly sucks. and i think it'd be a nice eye opener for him.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (27f) husband (32m) and i have been dating for 6 years and married for 4, we have a 3 year old baby boy and since we don't plan on having more children, i told my husband that i wanted to get my boobs redone because i wanted them more perky and i had surgery last year. my mil has always been sniffy because my husband is her only son, we've gone lc over the years because she's overbearing with him and dismissing with me, things got a little better when our baby was born, but after my surgery? oof, it's like i wrote in my forehead ''look at my boobs, i want to cheat on my husband'', she's always implying that i did it for male validation (yeah, your son's ffs), that i'll leave my husband, that i look like a hooker because i wear stuff that shows cleavage, that i could've gotten them a little smaller, everything. she also complaint about my clothes (and underwear) a lot, because ''no married woman with a child should dress like this''. and see, that's what stung me because, how could she know? i suspected she was going in my drawers, but my husband told me that she could never*, she made a comment about a cute set of lingerie that shows basically everything and i was confused, i asked how'd she knows i have it and she said ''she saw it in the washing machine'' but i prefer to wash my sets by hand so the lace last longer. anyway, we recently changed our bedroom and i had an idea to put an end to this, when i was restocking my drawers, i used one in my vanity to put all of my husband's and mines sex toys, a few sets and a dirty letter he wrote to me once. my mil visited us a few times and said nothing, so i did felt bad for accusing her, but yesterday she was here with my sil and my husband and i were in the kitchen cooking for them. we heard my mil calling us and when we went to our room they were standing next to my open drawer, i just snorted, looked at my husband and said ''see? she snoops.'' my husband got red in the face, berated my mil and my sil and they both left after calling me indecent. my husband is mad at them, but he's mad at me too because he says i shouldn't have set a trap for his family and is saying we three need to apologize to each other, so maybe aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (27f) husband (32m) and i have been dating for 6 years and married for 4, we have a 3 year old baby boy and since we don't plan on having more children, i told my husband that i wanted to get my boobs redone because i wanted them more perky and i had surgery last year. my mil has always been sniffy because my husband is her only son, we've gone lc over the years because she's overbearing with him and dismissing with me, things got a little better when our baby was born, but after my surgery? oof, it's like i wrote in my forehead ''look at my boobs, i want to cheat on my husband'', she's always implying that i did it for male validation (yeah, your son's ffs), that i'll leave my husband, that i look like a hooker because i wear stuff that shows cleavage, that i could've gotten them a little smaller, everything. she also complaint about my clothes (and underwear) a lot, because ''no married woman with a child should dress like this''. and see, that's what stung me because, how could she know? i suspected she was going in my drawers, but my husband told me that she could never*, she made a comment about a cute set of lingerie that shows basically everything and i was confused, i asked how'd she knows i have it and she said ''she saw it in the washing machine'' but i prefer to wash my sets by hand so the lace last longer. anyway, we recently changed our bedroom and i had an idea to put an end to this, when i was restocking my drawers, i used one in my vanity to put all of my husband's and mines sex toys, a few sets and a dirty letter he wrote to me once. my mil visited us a few times and said nothing, so i did felt bad for accusing her, but yesterday she was here with my sil and my husband and i were in the kitchen cooking for them. we heard my mil calling us and when we went to our room they were standing next to my open drawer, i just snorted, looked at my husband and said ''see? she snoops.'' my husband got red in the face, berated my mil and my sil and they both left after calling me indecent. my husband is mad at them, but he's mad at me too because he says i shouldn't have set a trap for his family and is saying we three need to apologize to each other, so maybe aita? [/INST] nta. they're acting like you put a dildo in the cutlery drawer and waited for them to discover it while cooking dinner. it's not a trap, it's just another drawer in your bedroom. </s>
AITA for cutting my hair after a friend's death despite a contract that dictates what I'm allowed to do - or not to do - with my hair?	i've "lost" my job and have been ostracized by my family, so i figured i'd come to the court of public opinion. one of my best friends of over ten years lost her battle with the big c word on christmas. fuck cancer, y'all. i'm not handling it well, tbh. i feel like a really crazy person. i literally haven't stopped crying. through all the tumultuous emotions, i decided that i wanted to cut my hair. i don't know why, but i felt like i wanted to get rid of a psychological weight and my hair was suffocating me. i 'model' and i've been doing it pretty much my whole life. my family is upper middle class due to my income. my parents 'work' as my mangers, even though i had actual, hired, experienced managers throughout the years. my dad works part time elsewhere, but i am the main breadwinner in the family. part of my current contract was that i can't cut my hair without prior consent from managing parties or else my contract could be rendered void. it wasn't really an issue until now. for a week, i tried to get consent, but nobody wanted to give it. so, over the weekend, i locked myself in my bathroom and chopped off almost all of my hair. i didn't go as extreme as 2007 brittany, but i was definitely channeling her energy. now i look like steve from stranger things. i don't feel a lot better, but it was kind of cathartic. i'm glad i did it. my life changed, and i physically reflect that now. now i'm unemployed, though, cause i was released from my contract and as soon as i'm done with high school, my family wants me gone. i know that i jeopardized my family's financial security, and my parents are scrambling to figure out how to pay the bills because i may have been an immature asshole, but, i dunno, maybe it's grief, but i feel pretty apathetic about it. i wanted to grieve in my own way. am i the asshole for that?	22,923	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kscxoj/aita_for_cutting_my_hair_after_a_friends_death/	2021-01-07 13:09:12	nta, it’s your hair! also get a lawyer. your parents should have been saving money in an account for you! they should have lived off their portion of income and saved quite a bit of yours. when you leave, you shouldn’t be leaving with nothing. plus hair grows back. get a cute cut, and new management. this is why a child should not be the money earner in a family imo. it’s just a dependency that should not be created.	nta. though i will warn you that violating contract can and will put you in bad standing with management companies and people who can not follow contract or are "difficult" don't usually get worked with. yes it is your hair and your body, but i'm going with nta because you are a minor and i don't think you have fully consented to a lot of this. just remember with modeling, they want certain looks and that's why they they put it in contract. now for some info that i think you need: your parents are probably in violation of the jackie coogan law. or are about to be. by law, 15% of your income was to be set aside where it can be monitored, but not accessed, by anyone until you turn 18. which is why they may be waiting to kick you out, because if they have been following that law, there is probably a rather large sum of money just sitting right now. you actually have the ability to get legal recourse. i'm not a lawyer, but this is what i recommend: 1. contact cps. inform them you are a minor child actor/model and believe that you are being financially abused and that your parents may have been violating the "jackie coogan" law. google it and cite it specifically. cite your parents may also be in violation of child labor laws as well. 2. report this all to a school official as well. they are mandated reporters. if they scoff or try to convince you otherwise, state specifically "you are a mandated reporter. i am informing you of financial child abuse. by law you are required to make a report". 3. request a court appointed guardian ad litem and request a fact finding for your income and child labor work be performed. 4. contact your previous management company, or companies, that you were just let go from and request all your financial records, copies, of contracts, statements of work, etc. by law, they must provide them to you. 5. do not allow them to send those to your parents, and do not tell them what you are doing. have them either emailed to you directly, mailed to someone you trust, or request they print them and pick them up yourself. i know this may be scary, but you aren't without help or legal recourse. you can also contact your local government and request legal assistance yourself. just google your state and legal assistance. but do this now, things change when you turn 18 and doing this now gets the ball rolling and will hopefully keep them from accessing your funds that are probably there. and your parents are so in the wrong for doing this to you. as a parent, i can't imagine anyone's parents doing this, but sadly, in the entertainment industry, it's by far the norm. and it's disgusting.	in fo: how old are you and how long have you been supporting your family? my inclination is nta. your parents are not entitled to financial support from their child. many people find cutting their hair cathartic. this could mean big changes for you since it impacts your finances but you’re not an a h for making the choice. if you’re young, you’re hugely nta because you should be focusing on grieving and living and embracing your autonomy	get legal advice asap if you’re in the us there’s a law called coogans law that requires parents to put 15% of a child’s earnings into a locked account.	nta your hair your choice...and why do your parents not have jobs to pay their bills? if you’re a minor it’s their job to support you not the other way around!	nta. what i don’t understand is why you can’t get a few different wigs and model with those until your hair grows out.	nta. it sounds like you're a literal, actual child? not to knock children or anything like that, but there's some pretty heavy shit being picked in top of you and none of the people that have been exploiting you for cash did the very basic work of responding to you and making sure you were okay, including your damn parents. that us job 1 with a kid, i would imagine it goes doubly so when you are relying on that kid to maintain your lifestyle.	nta. keep in mind, making mistakes is part of life. if in the future you see this as a mistake, that’s fine. doesn’t make you a bad person. mental health is important too, so i hope cutting your hair helps you	> i model, and my parents are my managers though they haven't always been those parents are sus, and op should probably get a new manager cause having family members run your job is never a good idea. nta > i'm the primary breadwinner of the house oh dang, did the parents lose their jobs? they shouldn't be mooching off their kid. now they're sus and toxic. double nta > as soon as i'm done with high school record scratch what .. are you telling me that your parents don't work and work part-time because they're living off of the model income of their high school age child who they are the managers of?????? oh my god op stop. stop giving them money. get a lawyer. start a secret savings account. gather all your important documents. finish high school. get the fuck out.	nta my wife died of cancer just 5 months ago at the age 27. fuck cancer. the wound wont heal fully but it will get better with time. make sure to be easy on yourself. i get the catharsis as well. i feel the same way about the tattoos i have in honor of my wife. transferring my emotional pain onto something tangible. also the shit your parents are pulling off sounds mega mega mega sketchy	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've "lost" my job and have been ostracized by my family, so i figured i'd come to the court of public opinion. one of my best friends of over ten years lost her battle with the big c word on christmas. fuck cancer, y'all. i'm not handling it well, tbh. i feel like a really crazy person. i literally haven't stopped crying. through all the tumultuous emotions, i decided that i wanted to cut my hair. i don't know why, but i felt like i wanted to get rid of a psychological weight and my hair was suffocating me. i 'model' and i've been doing it pretty much my whole life. my family is upper middle class due to my income. my parents 'work' as my mangers, even though i had actual, hired, experienced managers throughout the years. my dad works part time elsewhere, but i am the main breadwinner in the family. part of my current contract was that i can't cut my hair without prior consent from managing parties or else my contract could be rendered void. it wasn't really an issue until now. for a week, i tried to get consent, but nobody wanted to give it. so, over the weekend, i locked myself in my bathroom and chopped off almost all of my hair. i didn't go as extreme as 2007 brittany, but i was definitely channeling her energy. now i look like steve from stranger things. i don't feel a lot better, but it was kind of cathartic. i'm glad i did it. my life changed, and i physically reflect that now. now i'm unemployed, though, cause i was released from my contract and as soon as i'm done with high school, my family wants me gone. i know that i jeopardized my family's financial security, and my parents are scrambling to figure out how to pay the bills because i may have been an immature asshole, but, i dunno, maybe it's grief, but i feel pretty apathetic about it. i wanted to grieve in my own way. am i the asshole for that?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i've "lost" my job and have been ostracized by my family, so i figured i'd come to the court of public opinion. one of my best friends of over ten years lost her battle with the big c word on christmas. fuck cancer, y'all. i'm not handling it well, tbh. i feel like a really crazy person. i literally haven't stopped crying. through all the tumultuous emotions, i decided that i wanted to cut my hair. i don't know why, but i felt like i wanted to get rid of a psychological weight and my hair was suffocating me. i 'model' and i've been doing it pretty much my whole life. my family is upper middle class due to my income. my parents 'work' as my mangers, even though i had actual, hired, experienced managers throughout the years. my dad works part time elsewhere, but i am the main breadwinner in the family. part of my current contract was that i can't cut my hair without prior consent from managing parties or else my contract could be rendered void. it wasn't really an issue until now. for a week, i tried to get consent, but nobody wanted to give it. so, over the weekend, i locked myself in my bathroom and chopped off almost all of my hair. i didn't go as extreme as 2007 brittany, but i was definitely channeling her energy. now i look like steve from stranger things. i don't feel a lot better, but it was kind of cathartic. i'm glad i did it. my life changed, and i physically reflect that now. now i'm unemployed, though, cause i was released from my contract and as soon as i'm done with high school, my family wants me gone. i know that i jeopardized my family's financial security, and my parents are scrambling to figure out how to pay the bills because i may have been an immature asshole, but, i dunno, maybe it's grief, but i feel pretty apathetic about it. i wanted to grieve in my own way. am i the asshole for that? [/INST] nta, it’s your hair! also get a lawyer. your parents should have been saving money in an account for you! they should have lived off their portion of income and saved quite a bit of yours. when you leave, you shouldn’t be leaving with nothing. plus hair grows back. get a cute cut, and new management. this is why a child should not be the money earner in a family imo. it’s just a dependency that should not be created. </s>
AITA for not helping an obese woman get up after she refused my help the first time?	i was at a coffee shop and a woman came in with a scooter. at a certain point she went to the restroom, she left the scooter parked outside, went in, and on the way out, as she was trying to get back on the scooter she fell down, pretty bad. as i was near, i rushed to see if everything was ok or to see if something serious happened, cause it was a super loud noise. when she saw me coming near her she said “ don’t touch me i’m fine “, in a really agressive angry voice. i said ok, i just wanted to see if she needed any help, and she replied “ i dont need your help”, again super angry. i wasn’t the only one that got up and got closer to her, but i was the first one, cause i was sitting right by the restroom cool, went back to my table, and saw her struggling to get up. then one of the baristas came, and asked if she could help, the woman tried to get up again and failed, so she let the barista help her. she couldn’t help her alone, as the woman was quite big. so another person went to help, a costumer, but they were still struggling to lift her up. the barista, which was not present when she refused my help, turned to me and asked if i could help and i said “ i was trying to, but she told me to back off, so yeah, i’m good”. i kept sitting down then another costumer came then another working person and then they finally got her up and back on the scooter. they all gave me dirty looks and everything went back to normal am i the asshole for refusing to help her after she was extremely rude and refused my help at first?	22,898	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cszar8/aita_for_not_helping_an_obese_woman_get_up_after/	2019-08-20 13:59:14	nta if someone says "don't touch me", you do not touch them.	nta. she literally told you twice not to touch her. why the fuck would you want to help someone who turned it down twice in such a rude way? you owe this woman nothing, you tried to be nice, she snapped at you. turns out people stop wanting to help you when you're a jerk to them! who knew? sometimes i wonder how many people on this sub go through life letting themselves get walked over by strangers just so they can claim to be the "bigger person." you're not an asshole for refusing to help someone who was rude to you.	nta there's actually legal ramifications and whatnot behind this. you did the right thing by refusing to help after she verbally refused service. if something went wrong medical-wise, she could have filed a lawsuit against you. note to everyone: never ever ever ever ever (x a billion) help any accident victim who refuses help the way this lady did. they might be running a scam but you have to protect your own neck instead of being a "good samaritan".	nta by any chance are you a man and the barista is a woman? maybe the obese woman just wanted women to help her. you offered to help and followed her request when she denied, i don't see how you're ta here	nta. if you had touched her after she said not to, that could have gone poorly for you.	joining the downvoted, but esh, sorry. have you ever fallen--like full blown splat, tumbled, sprawled--in front of people as an adult? it's embarrassing. the first thing you want to do is get up, but like a 2-year-old, you want to get up by yourself. she wasn't angry at you. she was mad at herself on many levels and hugely embarrassed. should she have been more gracious? definitely. but for you to just sit there after watching ~~after~~\--that's what changes this from not the a to everyone is.	nta - that was a setup for a lawsuit if i've ever seen one.	esh- she was probably very embarrassed and just lashed out at you. she shouldn’t have done that. however, once you saw that she and others were struggling you should have helped.	nta, you offered to help and she refused it, that’s on her. don’t give a shit what some judgemental assholes who don’t know the facts think.	you look like an asshole to other people, but in reality i'm gonna say you're nta because you did offer to help and the lady initially rudely refused your offer. it doesn't matter if the barista and other people asked for your help, it would still be the same thing as the woman asking for your help.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.054	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was at a coffee shop and a woman came in with a scooter. at a certain point she went to the restroom, she left the scooter parked outside, went in, and on the way out, as she was trying to get back on the scooter she fell down, pretty bad. as i was near, i rushed to see if everything was ok or to see if something serious happened, cause it was a super loud noise. when she saw me coming near her she said “ don’t touch me i’m fine “, in a really agressive angry voice. i said ok, i just wanted to see if she needed any help, and she replied “ i dont need your help”, again super angry. i wasn’t the only one that got up and got closer to her, but i was the first one, cause i was sitting right by the restroom cool, went back to my table, and saw her struggling to get up. then one of the baristas came, and asked if she could help, the woman tried to get up again and failed, so she let the barista help her. she couldn’t help her alone, as the woman was quite big. so another person went to help, a costumer, but they were still struggling to lift her up. the barista, which was not present when she refused my help, turned to me and asked if i could help and i said “ i was trying to, but she told me to back off, so yeah, i’m good”. i kept sitting down then another costumer came then another working person and then they finally got her up and back on the scooter. they all gave me dirty looks and everything went back to normal am i the asshole for refusing to help her after she was extremely rude and refused my help at first?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i was at a coffee shop and a woman came in with a scooter. at a certain point she went to the restroom, she left the scooter parked outside, went in, and on the way out, as she was trying to get back on the scooter she fell down, pretty bad. as i was near, i rushed to see if everything was ok or to see if something serious happened, cause it was a super loud noise. when she saw me coming near her she said “ don’t touch me i’m fine “, in a really agressive angry voice. i said ok, i just wanted to see if she needed any help, and she replied “ i dont need your help”, again super angry. i wasn’t the only one that got up and got closer to her, but i was the first one, cause i was sitting right by the restroom cool, went back to my table, and saw her struggling to get up. then one of the baristas came, and asked if she could help, the woman tried to get up again and failed, so she let the barista help her. she couldn’t help her alone, as the woman was quite big. so another person went to help, a costumer, but they were still struggling to lift her up. the barista, which was not present when she refused my help, turned to me and asked if i could help and i said “ i was trying to, but she told me to back off, so yeah, i’m good”. i kept sitting down then another costumer came then another working person and then they finally got her up and back on the scooter. they all gave me dirty looks and everything went back to normal am i the asshole for refusing to help her after she was extremely rude and refused my help at first? [/INST] nta if someone says "don't touch me", you do not touch them. </s>
AITA for revealing our net worth when my wife constantly says we are broke and making me look bad with money?	i (31m) have been with my wife (30f) for 10 years now and she always has had this habit of making me look bad with our finances. whenever anything regarding spending money comes up she will always say how broke we are and she doesn't have the money to do this or buy that. the thing is we are doing well financially. we have decent jobs and combine our salary is roughly $125k/yr. as of today our net worth is more than $1 million but less than 2. i had saved/invested a lot before getting married so i gave us a good head start. i control the finances/take the lead but we both agreed to living a very modest life. we both have our cars from college for example (honda & toyota). she knows everything about our finances because at least once a month i go over it with her every time i deposit money in our investment accounts or our kids college funds. for banking we have an emergency fund and i budget everything else to go straight into investments. we basically stay right at $10k in our banks savings account and $500 in our checking account after bills.	22,858	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mvg0yv/aita_for_revealing_our_net_worth_when_my_wife/	2021-04-21 13:46:49	nta. she was dismissive of your feelings and was constantly lying to the people around her. it’s a classic case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes.	nta. it's very weird that your wife feels the need to constantly downplay and pretend that she's poor. what about all the people who are actually struggling? very weird, and a shitty thing for your wife to do. it's good that you called her out on it.	info why does she downplay your combined wealth? is she worried her family will ask for financial assistance? is the crack about her college car because she's sick of using am old car but doesn't think you'll agree to buying a new one? and why do you feel like it's specifically calling you out? is she saying you're not earning enough, or that you're spending all the money? i feel like there's something going on you haven't told us.	esh. paychecks, politics, prayers. the 3 forbidden dinner conversations. it sounds like your wife falls back on the "i'm broke" line to cover up her insecurities of not "keeping up" with her social circle. and i get that you're not pleased with her comments, but having an argument about your finances in mixed company is...just kind of classless. no one needs to know how much money you make or don't make. it's weird that you think her comments make you look bad, since you both work, and it doesn't seem like it's common knowledge that you manage the finances? i mean if someone's wife tells me "we're broke," my first thought isn't "oh, it must be the husband, he's bad at money." that i think is your own insecurity.	esh - bro... your wife has $500 in her checking account and drives a beater... for all intents and purposes she lives like she is broke. throwing out that she has $1m in your investment account does not make it seem like she is lying, it makes it seems like you are a controlling asshole.	[deleted]	esh. it seems like there is such tension in your marriage over money that your wife is acting passive aggressively like t a by complaining that you’re broke nonstop in front of family and friends, and then you responded with the nuclear option of revealing your full financial details (only soft t a on that, because you did give her full warning you were going to do it). the reason might be these details from your post and comments: that you’d saved 80% of your combined $125k income for many years, lived in a 600 sq ft apartment for 4-5 years, and are driving cars that are around ten years old, as your wife is watching her friends get new cars. i think you have been wise with your money and that’s a great thing. but have you been a little too frugal? has your wife been unhappy for ten years because she had no breathing room to enjoy any discretionary spending at all, and has this been a recurring argument that’s now playing out in front of an audience? it sounds like what both of you really need to do is to talk to each other about what is really bothering you about your financial situation, because your wife sounds unhappy and it seems like she’s uncomfortable telling you why she’s unhappy (since she didn’t take the initial offer to rework the finances). what you probably need is marriage counseling, not reddit, which would get to the source of the problem. and i’ll probably get downvoted to hell for this comment, but i’m trying to be honest.	~~esh~~. yta, now that i know your wife isn't on the investment account. classic financial abuse.original comment: don't come to reddit for your marital problems. your wife is unhappy and has made that very clear. now she's seeking backup hoping you'll figure it out since whatever hints she dropped to just you aren't even mentioned here. they went completely unnoticed. talk to her with the goal of solving the issue. then, resolve the issue. my amateur read is that she wants more control of the money she earns, but you won't know if that's true until you ask her honestly. oh, and there should be no repercussions for her stating honestly how she feels and what she wants. fix your marriage before it's too late. edit2: thank you for the award!	nta. you're just being honest, she's just throwing herself a pity party by acting broke.	i mean, is she allowed to spend things on herself? you said you control the finances. i mean. would she have to get your permission to get a new car? what does it mean that “you control the money”? if you’re controlling her paycheck, how much she gets, etc, that’s really bad.	NTA	NTA	INFO	ESH	ESH	null	ESH	ESH	NTA	null	0.532852	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (31m) have been with my wife (30f) for 10 years now and she always has had this habit of making me look bad with our finances. whenever anything regarding spending money comes up she will always say how broke we are and she doesn't have the money to do this or buy that. the thing is we are doing well financially. we have decent jobs and combine our salary is roughly $125k/yr. as of today our net worth is more than $1 million but less than 2. i had saved/invested a lot before getting married so i gave us a good head start. i control the finances/take the lead but we both agreed to living a very modest life. we both have our cars from college for example (honda & toyota). she knows everything about our finances because at least once a month i go over it with her every time i deposit money in our investment accounts or our kids college funds. for banking we have an emergency fund and i budget everything else to go straight into investments. we basically stay right at $10k in our banks savings account and $500 in our checking account after bills.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (31m) have been with my wife (30f) for 10 years now and she always has had this habit of making me look bad with our finances. whenever anything regarding spending money comes up she will always say how broke we are and she doesn't have the money to do this or buy that. the thing is we are doing well financially. we have decent jobs and combine our salary is roughly $125k/yr. as of today our net worth is more than $1 million but less than 2. i had saved/invested a lot before getting married so i gave us a good head start. i control the finances/take the lead but we both agreed to living a very modest life. we both have our cars from college for example (honda & toyota). she knows everything about our finances because at least once a month i go over it with her every time i deposit money in our investment accounts or our kids college funds. for banking we have an emergency fund and i budget everything else to go straight into investments. we basically stay right at $10k in our banks savings account and $500 in our checking account after bills. [/INST] nta. she was dismissive of your feelings and was constantly lying to the people around her. it’s a classic case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes. </s>
AITA for making my father re-book my wedding venue at nearly triple the original cost after my stepsister cancelled my original booking?	my stepsister impersonated me and cancelled my wedding venue reservation. she's 18 and a jealous cow. i got the reservation for a steal because i booked early and covid made things uncertain. well now demand for wedding venues has skyrocketed. the venue is now asking nearly triple the original cost for the same date. they said they'll only honor the original reservation if i show proof that my stepsister committed fraud/identity theft in the form of a police report. my father has begged me not to involve the police. so i told him he'll need to cover the new cost then. all of it except my original deposit. because i'm aggravated as fuck. he's going to be selling some property in order to do this. he has put down the additional deposit for the venue already though. i know he was not to blame but he houses that witch and by asking me not report her fraud ass, i can only assume he takes responsibility for her actions. am i the asshole? i do feel guilty because my fiance and i are much more financially well off than my father. but i just feel like this is not my problem to fix. he did find an alternative venue that was pretty nice and wasn't as expensive but i said it had to be the original venue. i'm just incredibly pissed off.	22,856	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nkpw4l/aita_for_making_my_father_rebook_my_wedding_venue/	2021-05-25 13:34:24	nta. if he won't let you do the thing that would get you your original rate, then he can pay the difference. institute some kind of password system with all your vendors though. because she will try this again.	nta - this is a fair solution. however, i would go to the police instead of having your father pay. your stepsister is an adult, and she needs to take responsibility for her actions. she will continue to do shit like this if your father is always there to bail her out. she clearly needs to learn a lesson. &#x200b;	yta for not pressing charges. consequences serve a purpose.	nta, but in future use a passcode with vendors in order to make sure only you change the plans.	nta. but don’t let her get away with it, just go to the police. she needs to learn or she will do this again.	nta, buuuut- that police report needs to get filed, regardless of how dad decides to clean up after her. she's 18, and identity theft at her age will carry a steep price, that's why he's asking you not to go to the police. but honestly, that's a disservice to your step-sister who clearly needs to learn a lesson about interference and minding her own damn business.	esh. her for committing fraud; your dad for asking you to cover it up; you for enabling the coverup. you should have filed a police report. you can do that without actually filing charges; it’s just an official record of it happening. you still should, imo.	nta i would also uninvite your sister she dose not deserve to be at that wedding after the sabotage she tried.	the wedding venue is the asshole. and esh because there is a better solution than paying the asshole wedding venue triple the price. either negotiate it down. file a police report to appease asshole venue (that is not going to result in any charge ever, like what could the charge actually be, there was zero financial gain). or go somewhere else. a wedding isn't so important that a father should have to sell property in order to appease his bratty daughters.	esh. this is going to be unpopular, but follow me here: your sister, who is an adult, did you wrong. that makes her t a. by having your father cover the additional costs, you're insisting that the wrong person make it right. he can't afford it. he has to liquidate assets in a fire sale to cover it. and he's willing to put himself in the middle because he loves you and loves your stepsister. you're not asking for the wrong to be made right so much as passing it down the line, and that isn't cool.	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	ESH	ESH	0.341285	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my stepsister impersonated me and cancelled my wedding venue reservation. she's 18 and a jealous cow. i got the reservation for a steal because i booked early and covid made things uncertain. well now demand for wedding venues has skyrocketed. the venue is now asking nearly triple the original cost for the same date. they said they'll only honor the original reservation if i show proof that my stepsister committed fraud/identity theft in the form of a police report. my father has begged me not to involve the police. so i told him he'll need to cover the new cost then. all of it except my original deposit. because i'm aggravated as fuck. he's going to be selling some property in order to do this. he has put down the additional deposit for the venue already though. i know he was not to blame but he houses that witch and by asking me not report her fraud ass, i can only assume he takes responsibility for her actions. am i the asshole? i do feel guilty because my fiance and i are much more financially well off than my father. but i just feel like this is not my problem to fix. he did find an alternative venue that was pretty nice and wasn't as expensive but i said it had to be the original venue. i'm just incredibly pissed off.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my stepsister impersonated me and cancelled my wedding venue reservation. she's 18 and a jealous cow. i got the reservation for a steal because i booked early and covid made things uncertain. well now demand for wedding venues has skyrocketed. the venue is now asking nearly triple the original cost for the same date. they said they'll only honor the original reservation if i show proof that my stepsister committed fraud/identity theft in the form of a police report. my father has begged me not to involve the police. so i told him he'll need to cover the new cost then. all of it except my original deposit. because i'm aggravated as fuck. he's going to be selling some property in order to do this. he has put down the additional deposit for the venue already though. i know he was not to blame but he houses that witch and by asking me not report her fraud ass, i can only assume he takes responsibility for her actions. am i the asshole? i do feel guilty because my fiance and i are much more financially well off than my father. but i just feel like this is not my problem to fix. he did find an alternative venue that was pretty nice and wasn't as expensive but i said it had to be the original venue. i'm just incredibly pissed off. [/INST] nta. if he won't let you do the thing that would get you your original rate, then he can pay the difference. institute some kind of password system with all your vendors though. because she will try this again. </s>
AITA for letting my toddler destroy 200$?	at my 1yo child's birthday some relative gave him 200$. (i) said i'll take it and (r)elative denied. i: don't worry, i spend it on him or put it in his saving account; r: no, i want to give him money myself; i: surprised pikachu face that's not the best idea, he will eat it or something; r: but that's his money and i want him to have it. at this point i'm just tired of this fruitless conversation and said sure, go ahead. and then i watched my son grabbing this money, rotate it in his little hands and tear it to pieces in like 3 sec. relative called me names because "i knew it's gonna happen" and i obviously knew so i couldn't denied. but really is it that shocking, he's 1 for fuck sake and i told her to not give him this money (on mobile and not native speaker, of course it wasn't 200$ but equivalent in my currency)	22,845	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ia7s4c/aita_for_letting_my_toddler_destroy_200/	2020-08-15 13:57:54	nta. i mean, you told him not to give it to her, what did he think you were trying to do?	yta don't tell your son what to do with his money	nta. you hand a toddler a toy, not actual money.	nta you said he’d eat it or something, the relative insisted on giving it to him. when the relative said you knew he would do that, did you reply, “yes, i knew and i told you less than 5 minutes ago.”	nta it’s your child, and if you don’t want something in his mouth, don’t allow someone to bully you into them putting it in their mouth. you knew what was gonna happen.	lmaooo nta-why give money in bare cash to a 1-year old, kids that age either put everything in their mouth or fuck shit up.	nta- what did they think was going to happen, that the 1 year old was going put that money in the stock market?	thank you all for answers, i, in fact, keep the pieces for a entertaining purposes and try replace it in a bank following your advice. some of you wonder why i let this happen and this can't be real, well, i'm kinda tired-of-your-shit person and that's my way to cope with dumb persons - i let her do her ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ have great day everyone and don't let toddlers to dig in your wallet	nta, of course! what did they expect?! although i originally read this as "aita for letting my toddler destroy 2020?" and my immediate reaction was that's a pretty outrageous burden to lay at the feet of a young child.	x: don't do it, that is a bad idea y: i am going to do it x: don't do it y: i am going to do it x: fine. y: how dare you let me do it?!?! wtf? nta	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0.031039	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: at my 1yo child's birthday some relative gave him 200$. (i) said i'll take it and (r)elative denied. i: don't worry, i spend it on him or put it in his saving account; r: no, i want to give him money myself; i: surprised pikachu face* that's not the best idea, he will eat it or something; r: but that's his money and i want him to have it. at this point i'm just tired of this fruitless conversation and said sure, go ahead. and then i watched my son grabbing this money, rotate it in his little hands and tear it to pieces in like 3 sec. relative called me names because "i knew it's gonna happen" and i obviously knew so i couldn't denied. but really is it that shocking, he's 1 for fuck sake and i told her to not give him this money (on mobile and not native speaker, of course it wasn't 200$ but equivalent in my currency)	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> at my 1yo child's birthday some relative gave him 200$. (i) said i'll take it and (r)elative denied. i: don't worry, i spend it on him or put it in his saving account; r: no, i want to give him money myself; i: surprised pikachu face* that's not the best idea, he will eat it or something; r: but that's his money and i want him to have it. at this point i'm just tired of this fruitless conversation and said sure, go ahead. and then i watched my son grabbing this money, rotate it in his little hands and tear it to pieces in like 3 sec. relative called me names because "i knew it's gonna happen" and i obviously knew so i couldn't denied. but really is it that shocking, he's 1 for fuck sake and i told her to not give him this money (on mobile and not native speaker, of course it wasn't 200$ but equivalent in my currency) [/INST] nta. i mean, you told him not to give it to her, what did he think you were trying to do? </s>
AITA for putting a private conversation on loud speaker which cost my brother his 18 year relationship	ok guys i’m extremely tried and it’s been a long ass day so please excuse any poor grammar or spelling mistakes to begin my brother ben (39m fake name ) has been in a relationship with abby(39 fake name) 18 years. they’ve been engaged 8 years they’ve nearly gotten married 3 years ago but months before the wedding ben chickened out. they went to therapy and basically because our dad left us he has issues with commitment. we thought over the last year he was finally gonna step up for abby and be the partner she deserves. he did seem a bit anxious leading up to the big day but assured everyone he was ok today they were meant to get married but as abby and us bridesmaids were about to enter the church ben was no where to be found everyone tried to calm her down saying it was traffic or he probably had a monster hangover. well an hour passed, than two, than three and than after the four hour mark abby said fuck she was going back to the hotel call her when he landed. my family looked panicked and nervous trying to get through to ben or the groomsmen who had not arrived yet my other brothers and brother in laws (sister’s husband) went looking for him thinking he got hurt or arrested the night before i went back to the hotel with a very broken looking abby. we drank and ate food for another hour before i got a text from my brother in law saying they found him in a bar and they were trying to talk him into going to his own wedding. my sister rang her husband and heard him in the background he was literally acting like a 5 year old who didn’t want to go to the doctor honestly guys i had enough at this stage he mess this girl about too long and frankly leading someone along for 18 years is just cruel so he’s here’s were i maybe the asshole of the century. i walked into abby’s room and told her be quiet than i rang my brother in law put him on loud speaker and asked him what was going on than for him to put ben on the phone the drunk fool started saying shit like he didn’t think she was the one and he is only with her because they’ve been together to long and he is scared to be alone i let her hear everything i won’t lie i felt like a monster when she started crying. abby than grabbed the phone told him he had one hour to get to the church or it was over for good long story short ben ended up at the church 20 minutes later and abby took off her dress than left the hotel alone so he ended being left a the alter and she went on the honeymoon alone. i’ve been disowned by everyone expect two siblings (sisters) and i had to get abby’s maid of honour to collect my suitcase from outside the hotel (mom dumped out when she found out) i’m the full blame for ruining their relationship and 98% of my family hates me	22,822	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u90414/aita_for_putting_a_private_conversation_on_loud/	2022-04-21 23:06:29	nta. you did her a favor by having her hear it. you did something no one else ever did for her. the truth to move on. everyone saying y t a or e s h have their own issues with being told the whole truth.	nta. should have been done a decade ago before she wasted all her good years on your brother	nta personally i think she needed to hear his true thoughts. i hope she meets someone on the vacation.	nta your family is an ah for hating you. they are all ruining this girl's life. yes, she is partly responsible for staying for so long, but everyone else is enabling him! your brother trying to convince him to go to the wedding is an ah, he is a grown man! also, you didn't make ben say anything. he said all of that on his own.	nta, you just did abby a huge favor: i mean not showing up for over 4 hours to your wedding and being together 18 years is a huge red flag. and if she still wanted to marry him after that’s , she really needed to hear the words he said out loud. she still had hope. she deserves better, good on you. your family is delusional if they think you’re the reason they didn’t get married. he’s the reason. period	nta - you didn’t say the words. you didn’t make his choices. you simply opened her eyes (and ears) to the truth. may the flying spaghetti monster bless you. as for those that have blamed you for your brother’s actions, may the flying spaghetti monster curse them with a sudden allergy to their favorite food.	nta, you didnt cost your brother his relationship, his own shitty actions did that. was it the best way to go about it? maybe not, but you saved her from wasting any more years of her life on him	nta. i'd want someone like you on my team. it no doubt sucked for abby to hear what your brother said, but it seemed like you had her best interests in mind when you did what you did. there may have been a better way to do what you had done, but it was a highly emotional situation, so it is what it is. i think abby deserves to hear what your brother thinks of her. now she can do what she deems fit with this information. i really hope she leaves your brother, because she deserves to marry someone who enthusiastically wants to marry her. if you and abby get along and like each other, i hope you can be there for her and help her as she processes the end of this 18 year long relationship.	i might be alone here, but i think you're nta.	i cant believe im saying this but nta you are the speaker phone hero gotham needs.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok guys i’m extremely tried and it’s been a long ass day so please excuse any poor grammar or spelling mistakes to begin my brother ben (39m fake name ) has been in a relationship with abby(39 fake name) 18 years. they’ve been engaged 8 years they’ve nearly gotten married 3 years ago but months before the wedding ben chickened out. they went to therapy and basically because our dad left us he has issues with commitment. we thought over the last year he was finally gonna step up for abby and be the partner she deserves. he did seem a bit anxious leading up to the big day but assured everyone he was ok today they were meant to get married but as abby and us bridesmaids were about to enter the church ben was no where to be found everyone tried to calm her down saying it was traffic or he probably had a monster hangover. well an hour passed, than two, than three and than after the four hour mark abby said fuck she was going back to the hotel call her when he landed. my family looked panicked and nervous trying to get through to ben or the groomsmen who had not arrived yet my other brothers and brother in laws (sister’s husband) went looking for him thinking he got hurt or arrested the night before i went back to the hotel with a very broken looking abby. we drank and ate food for another hour before i got a text from my brother in law saying they found him in a bar and they were trying to talk him into going to his own wedding. my sister rang her husband and heard him in the background he was literally acting like a 5 year old who didn’t want to go to the doctor honestly guys i had enough at this stage he mess this girl about too long and frankly leading someone along for 18 years is just cruel so he’s here’s were i maybe the asshole of the century. i walked into abby’s room and told her be quiet than i rang my brother in law put him on loud speaker and asked him what was going on than for him to put ben on the phone the drunk fool started saying shit like he didn’t think she was the one and he is only with her because they’ve been together to long and he is scared to be alone i let her hear everything i won’t lie i felt like a monster when she started crying. abby than grabbed the phone told him he had one hour to get to the church or it was over for good long story short ben ended up at the church 20 minutes later and abby took off her dress than left the hotel alone so he ended being left a the alter and she went on the honeymoon alone. i’ve been disowned by everyone expect two siblings (sisters) and i had to get abby’s maid of honour to collect my suitcase from outside the hotel (mom dumped out when she found out) i’m the full blame for ruining their relationship and 98% of my family hates me	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> ok guys i’m extremely tried and it’s been a long ass day so please excuse any poor grammar or spelling mistakes to begin my brother ben (39m fake name ) has been in a relationship with abby(39 fake name) 18 years. they’ve been engaged 8 years they’ve nearly gotten married 3 years ago but months before the wedding ben chickened out. they went to therapy and basically because our dad left us he has issues with commitment. we thought over the last year he was finally gonna step up for abby and be the partner she deserves. he did seem a bit anxious leading up to the big day but assured everyone he was ok today they were meant to get married but as abby and us bridesmaids were about to enter the church ben was no where to be found everyone tried to calm her down saying it was traffic or he probably had a monster hangover. well an hour passed, than two, than three and than after the four hour mark abby said fuck she was going back to the hotel call her when he landed. my family looked panicked and nervous trying to get through to ben or the groomsmen who had not arrived yet my other brothers and brother in laws (sister’s husband) went looking for him thinking he got hurt or arrested the night before i went back to the hotel with a very broken looking abby. we drank and ate food for another hour before i got a text from my brother in law saying they found him in a bar and they were trying to talk him into going to his own wedding. my sister rang her husband and heard him in the background he was literally acting like a 5 year old who didn’t want to go to the doctor honestly guys i had enough at this stage he mess this girl about too long and frankly leading someone along for 18 years is just cruel so he’s here’s were i maybe the asshole of the century. i walked into abby’s room and told her be quiet than i rang my brother in law put him on loud speaker and asked him what was going on than for him to put ben on the phone the drunk fool started saying shit like he didn’t think she was the one and he is only with her because they’ve been together to long and he is scared to be alone i let her hear everything i won’t lie i felt like a monster when she started crying. abby than grabbed the phone told him he had one hour to get to the church or it was over for good long story short ben ended up at the church 20 minutes later and abby took off her dress than left the hotel alone so he ended being left a the alter and she went on the honeymoon alone. i’ve been disowned by everyone expect two siblings (sisters) and i had to get abby’s maid of honour to collect my suitcase from outside the hotel (mom dumped out when she found out) i’m the full blame for ruining their relationship and 98% of my family hates me [/INST] nta. you did her a favor by having her hear it. you did something no one else ever did for her. the truth to move on. everyone saying y t a or e s h have their own issues with being told the whole truth. </s>
AITA for giving my son's new bike away after the "prank" he pulled on a girl he was friends with?	so recently i found out my son "jacob" (15) pulled an incredibly cruel "prank" on one of the girls i'll call "ashley" that's in his friend group. i know this girl, she's been to our house and even attended jacob's birthday party a month ago. she seemed incredibly sweet if not a bit shy. so when my oldest son "mark" (17) came to me and told me jacob had asked ashley out on a date as a prank i was stunned. i of course asked how he could know this, hoping as any mother would that it wasn't true. but mark showed me the family tablet we all use (but mostly my sons do) and it seems jacob forgot to log out of his chatting app, discord. i read the long series of messages between jacob and his friends as they mocked ashley all through this heartless prank. i was speechless. and that's not even getting into how he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community. at first i couldn't figure out what to do, or how to proceed. i'll admit that i never once imagined either of my boys would be the type of person to do something like that. but there was no way in hell i was letting this go. so after a day of thought i decided what was going to happen. first things first, he was grounded, for how long i'm not sure. secondly, i'd gotten jacob a bike for his birthday but it hadn't arrived until the day previous and i'd planned to give it to him when my parents came to visit since they'd been unable to make his party. but instead of that i showed him i knew about the "prank" and told him he was grounded, then i made him carry the new bike out of my bedroom closet and to the car before driving to ashley's house, him crying the whole way. i'd called her parents earlier and explained everything and so once we got there i had him cart it to their front porch and ring the bell. then in front of me, ashley, her parents, and god i had him give a sincere apology and gift her the bike. even i apologized to her, saying i didn't raise my boy this way and what he did was unforgivable. i also called the parents of the other boys who were apart of this little stunt and they all seemed rightfully horrified by their sons' involvement. i felt i'd handled this all as best as i could, and my friends agreed. though once my parents found out that i'd made jacob give his birthday gift away they said what i did went too far. i still feel like what i did was right but having my parents more or less dog pile on me like this actually made me wonder if how i handled it was too extreme? aita here?	22,819	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/su4efr/aita_for_giving_my_sons_new_bike_away_after_the/	2022-02-16 19:40:26	nta you did the right thing. if there hadn’t been consequences that hit where it hurt, he may not have learned how unacceptable that behavior is. that cruelty is sadly common in kids around that age, but this is the absolute right step towards him becoming a good man	nta! i would have done the same thing. what he did is not ok, that can damage someone’s self confidence, he can handle losing a gift. he should feel awful for what hes done, your parents are just grandparents thinking. they aren’t seeing the big picture. if he keeps going down that path he will end up with a bad group of kids. punish him however you want. boys need to be raised to respect women not tear them down.	as someone who has been ‘pranked’ like this it’s very refreshing to see you stand up for her and not just excuse away what your son did. i’d also have a long conversation to him about why it wasn’t right but so far i think what you did was right. nta	nta i still remember 10+ years later when i was in middle school and one kid told me his friend loved me and seeing how angry his friend got afterwards because liking me was such a gross thing. you 100% did the right thing.	ahhhh esh a couple of things - jacob was cruel, you made the right call re: bike and grounding. here's the issue - you seem content to stop there. he clearly has issues. either this is a deeper problem like misogyny, or he's being a bully. whatever it is, you're going to need to deal with the roots, not just the leaves. you need to sit him down, and understand why he chose to do what he did. was this a decision he was the ringleader for? was he convinced to do it by someone else? whatever the answer to those questions, why did he go through with it? why was ashley chosen as the target? you say you raised him better, so what is going on in his life that caused him to act the way he did? i suspect he may also need to see a therapist depending on his answers to your questions. another note: > and that's not even getting into how he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community this bit struck me a bit off. it may just be a thoughtless turn of phrase, but it feels like a comment about how your son should be better than what he did because of his wealth and where he lives. now, i don't know if this is a mindset you actually have. but thoughtless comments like this that you don't think of may well help shape his worldview - which is to say, if he's better than the people you think of as "thugs" because he "lives in a gated community," it's not difficult to say how he'd have gone from there to "i'm better than other people, like ashley," especially if she is from a different economic background than you guys. again, not saying this is what you actually believe. what i am saying is you may want to look at the way you react as well, and consider whether there are any perspectives you hold that may have inadvertently contributed to his actions and that you should change as well. you've taken the first steps by punishing him, but leaving it there would be dangerous. you need to take steps to properly address his behavior, not just punish him, and until that happens, esh.	nta your son has hopefully learned a lesson here. you're doing tough things a parent needs to do to raise their kids properly. you could've handled this an easy way, but you did it the hard way and the right way	nta, by making him give her the bike you made sure he will never forget it. as a kid, i got grounded and don't remember why now but i guarantee you i remember what i did that caused my parents to cancel my birthday party one year.	the only person that you didn’t take into consideration was ashley. do you think she wanted that? the bike, the public attention about the prank, she shaming? i understand you had the best intentions in mind, but you overlooked the victim in all of this. and for this, i think you’re ta.	esh. he deserved a harsh punishment, but you made this poor girl a spectacle. his apology meant nothing with his mommy there forcing it. instead, it was probably a very embarrassing situation having to stand in front of both of their parents and accept a fake apology and a bike she probably didn't even want. now that you've told all of the other boys parents, they're going to make her the enemy. that's only going to make the bullying worse. there are much better ways to teach your son empathy, without making her collateral damage. ground him, find a book that tells what bullying is like from the victims view, have him volunteer at a suicide prevention hotline, have him speak to a mental health professional about what they see from the victims of bullying every day. most importantly, get to the bottom of why he felt this was an appropriate thing to do. why is he so desperate for the approval of others? also, stop acting like being wealthy makes him above doing stupid shit. you claim to have raised him better, but you need to take a hard look at how you treat and talk about others. children are taught empathy by example.	unpopular but yta. i was onboard until making him give her the bike. do you think she is ever going to ride that thing without associating it back to your ah son? return it, sure. withhold it for months, yes. but gift it to ashley is weird and over the top.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	null	ESH	YTA	0.246103	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so recently i found out my son "jacob" (15) pulled an incredibly cruel "prank" on one of the girls i'll call "ashley" that's in his friend group. i know this girl, she's been to our house and even attended jacob's birthday party a month ago. she seemed incredibly sweet if not a bit shy. so when my oldest son "mark" (17) came to me and told me jacob had asked ashley out on a date as a prank i was stunned. i of course asked how he could know this, hoping as any mother would that it wasn't true. but mark showed me the family tablet we all use (but mostly my sons do) and it seems jacob forgot to log out of his chatting app, discord. i read the long series of messages between jacob and his friends as they mocked ashley all through this heartless prank. i was speechless. and that's not even getting into how he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community. at first i couldn't figure out what to do, or how to proceed. i'll admit that i never once imagined either of my boys would be the type of person to do something like that. but there was no way in hell i was letting this go. so after a day of thought i decided what was going to happen. first things first, he was grounded, for how long i'm not sure. secondly, i'd gotten jacob a bike for his birthday but it hadn't arrived until the day previous and i'd planned to give it to him when my parents came to visit since they'd been unable to make his party. but instead of that i showed him i knew about the "prank" and told him he was grounded, then i made him carry the new bike out of my bedroom closet and to the car before driving to ashley's house, him crying the whole way. i'd called her parents earlier and explained everything and so once we got there i had him cart it to their front porch and ring the bell. then in front of me, ashley, her parents, and god i had him give a sincere apology and gift her the bike. even i apologized to her, saying i didn't raise my boy this way and what he did was unforgivable. i also called the parents of the other boys who were apart of this little stunt and they all seemed rightfully horrified by their sons' involvement. i felt i'd handled this all as best as i could, and my friends agreed. though once my parents found out that i'd made jacob give his birthday gift away they said what i did went too far. i still feel like what i did was right but having my parents more or less dog pile on me like this actually made me wonder if how i handled it was too extreme? aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so recently i found out my son "jacob" (15) pulled an incredibly cruel "prank" on one of the girls i'll call "ashley" that's in his friend group. i know this girl, she's been to our house and even attended jacob's birthday party a month ago. she seemed incredibly sweet if not a bit shy. so when my oldest son "mark" (17) came to me and told me jacob had asked ashley out on a date as a prank i was stunned. i of course asked how he could know this, hoping as any mother would that it wasn't true. but mark showed me the family tablet we all use (but mostly my sons do) and it seems jacob forgot to log out of his chatting app, discord. i read the long series of messages between jacob and his friends as they mocked ashley all through this heartless prank. i was speechless. and that's not even getting into how he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community. at first i couldn't figure out what to do, or how to proceed. i'll admit that i never once imagined either of my boys would be the type of person to do something like that. but there was no way in hell i was letting this go. so after a day of thought i decided what was going to happen. first things first, he was grounded, for how long i'm not sure. secondly, i'd gotten jacob a bike for his birthday but it hadn't arrived until the day previous and i'd planned to give it to him when my parents came to visit since they'd been unable to make his party. but instead of that i showed him i knew about the "prank" and told him he was grounded, then i made him carry the new bike out of my bedroom closet and to the car before driving to ashley's house, him crying the whole way. i'd called her parents earlier and explained everything and so once we got there i had him cart it to their front porch and ring the bell. then in front of me, ashley, her parents, and god i had him give a sincere apology and gift her the bike. even i apologized to her, saying i didn't raise my boy this way and what he did was unforgivable. i also called the parents of the other boys who were apart of this little stunt and they all seemed rightfully horrified by their sons' involvement. i felt i'd handled this all as best as i could, and my friends agreed. though once my parents found out that i'd made jacob give his birthday gift away they said what i did went too far. i still feel like what i did was right but having my parents more or less dog pile on me like this actually made me wonder if how i handled it was too extreme? aita here? [/INST] nta you did the right thing. if there hadn’t been consequences that hit where it hurt, he may not have learned how unacceptable that behavior is. that cruelty is sadly common in kids around that age, but this is the absolute right step towards him becoming a good man </s>
AITA For telling my wife that if she wants to bedshare she needs to sleep in the kids beds?	my wife and i have been together for six years, she has a thirteen year old and a nine year old. when we first got together they were both still in her bed, they were both relatively small and i worked nights. it was never an issue. last year i suffered a work injury and now have to sleep on a memory foam mattress. i assumed by now both kids would of grown out of cosleeping, but obviously havent. i cant comfortably sleep in a bed with two kids, especially because my stepson (nine) is a little ninja. he is constantly kicking during the night. they will occasionally sleep in their own beds, but very rarely. my stepdaughter is a little better, but stepson will have meltdowns if we try and send him to his own bed. my wife doesnt believe we should force them out, which i understand, but i cant keep sleeping on the couch when they're in the bed. a couple days ago i blew up over it. my backs killing, i'm tired. i essentially told her to take the kids and sleep in one of their beds, i need the comfortable mattress for my back. we never really got to discuss it because stepson got upset and started crying. that night she took the kids to her parents for the night, and back at home she explained that they wouldnt all fit in one of the kids beds. she agreed that i could have the big bed, but is ordering a memory foam mattress for our sons bed so i can sleep there comfortably. i dont want to sleep in a kids bed; i want my bed, and i'd like to actually spend a night with my wife. her parents are on her and the kids side, obviously, but i still dont think i should have to give my bed up for them, in the nicest way possible. i paid for it. the issue is getting worse, and my in laws are now calling me abusive for trying to take their comforts. so, am i the asshole? important info; both kids and my wife are asd diagnosed, stepson also has adhd.	22,796	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ogaloz/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_if_she_wants_to/	2021-07-08 16:20:33	nta - i also think it’s problematic for your wife to expect you to sleep, night after night, with a teenage stepdaughter. that aside, kicking you out of your own bed so she can sleep with a teen and a tween is a strange dependency on her part. is she planning on moving into their dorm rooms or going on their honeymoons in the future. just no. time to grow the kids up and have an adult relationship with her husband.	nta yikes. i watched my mom force my dad to sleep on the couch their entire marriage bc she'd rather have a kid in her bed. i was the oldest and slept with her until i was 10. i'm an adult now and still have a hard time sleeping if i'm home alone. it made things worse for me. eventually my dad got fed up and divorced her. rule number one for my husband and i when we had kids was no kids in the bed ( w the exception of nightmare or sick kid or something).	practical advice: i have coslept with my kids, two of whom are not neurotypical and didn’t self-wean with the co sleeping. the way we weaned them was to first put a single bed in our room close to our bed for them to sleep in at night. that way they were right next to us but in their own bed. then we moved the bed way from ours and up against another wall. then we moved the bed into their room and had them start every night in their room and in their bed but had a air bed and blankets on the floor next to my side of the bed for them to come into if they needed. then eventually the air bed was removed and if they wanted to sleep in our room they had to go grab some cushions off the couch and bring them in. it honestly took well over a year of very very slowly getting them used to and comfortable with each stage and even now my 13 year old occasionally comes and sleeps on the couch in our room. but with patience and a gentle approach it can be done in such a way that you have your bed and mattress from the outset and they aren’t forced into a sudden situation that they aren’t mentally or emotionally ready to deal with.	nta it's really unhealthy for the kids to still be co-sleeping with their mother and you clearly aren't getting any adult time with your wife because of it. think long and hard if this is the future you want though, because i doubt it's going to change.	nta. at 9 and 13 it's high time they learnt to sleep in their own beds. not to mention the fact you and your wife deserve to be able to have couple time --> if she doesn't see the elephant(s) in the room here, it's probably time to have a serious discussion about what this marriage means to the both of you.	nta - their diagnosis does not mean they cannot understand the need for their own beds and privacy. you need to explain to your wife that you will not sleep in your sons bed and she should return the mattress, if she wants to co-sleep then she can order a new bed and mattress and sleep somewhere else but the marital bed is for you and her only. and if your in laws get really pissy remind them it’s illegal to have sex in front of minors…	nta the kids are old enough to sleep in there old bed end of story. you have a legitimate reason to need to sleep in your bed and your wife needs to cut the cord with the kids about sharing a bed every night.	nta - why would she order another small child bed instead of ordering an adult bed that she can sleep in with the kids. two big beds that are separate seem like the better answer to this problem. i can’t imagine a grownup happily sleeping in a twin bed every night.	nta. considering you have an injury, priority is for you to sleep comfortably. now...sounds to me like the kids (the son at least) has some form of attachment to his mom. it's not within the norm for a kid that big to still want to sleep in bed with the parents. is he scared of something? i suggest looking into therapy or some form of diagnosis.		NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have been together for six years, she has a thirteen year old and a nine year old. when we first got together they were both still in her bed, they were both relatively small and i worked nights. it was never an issue. last year i suffered a work injury and now have to sleep on a memory foam mattress. i assumed by now both kids would of grown out of cosleeping, but obviously havent. i cant comfortably sleep in a bed with two kids, especially because my stepson (nine) is a little ninja. he is constantly kicking during the night. they will occasionally sleep in their own beds, but very rarely. my stepdaughter is a little better, but stepson will have meltdowns if we try and send him to his own bed. my wife doesnt believe we should force them out, which i understand, but i cant keep sleeping on the couch when they're in the bed. a couple days ago i blew up over it. my backs killing, i'm tired. i essentially told her to take the kids and sleep in one of their beds, i need the comfortable mattress for my back. we never really got to discuss it because stepson got upset and started crying. that night she took the kids to her parents for the night, and back at home she explained that they wouldnt all fit in one of the kids beds. she agreed that i could have the big bed, but is ordering a memory foam mattress for our sons bed so i can sleep there comfortably. i dont want to sleep in a kids bed; i want my bed, and i'd like to actually spend a night with my wife. her parents are on her and the kids side, obviously, but i still dont think i should have to give my bed up for them, in the nicest way possible. i paid for it. the issue is getting worse, and my in laws are now calling me abusive for trying to take their comforts. so, am i the asshole? important info; both kids and my wife are asd diagnosed, stepson also has adhd.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife and i have been together for six years, she has a thirteen year old and a nine year old. when we first got together they were both still in her bed, they were both relatively small and i worked nights. it was never an issue. last year i suffered a work injury and now have to sleep on a memory foam mattress. i assumed by now both kids would of grown out of cosleeping, but obviously havent. i cant comfortably sleep in a bed with two kids, especially because my stepson (nine) is a little ninja. he is constantly kicking during the night. they will occasionally sleep in their own beds, but very rarely. my stepdaughter is a little better, but stepson will have meltdowns if we try and send him to his own bed. my wife doesnt believe we should force them out, which i understand, but i cant keep sleeping on the couch when they're in the bed. a couple days ago i blew up over it. my backs killing, i'm tired. i essentially told her to take the kids and sleep in one of their beds, i need the comfortable mattress for my back. we never really got to discuss it because stepson got upset and started crying. that night she took the kids to her parents for the night, and back at home she explained that they wouldnt all fit in one of the kids beds. she agreed that i could have the big bed, but is ordering a memory foam mattress for our sons bed so i can sleep there comfortably. i dont want to sleep in a kids bed; i want my bed, and i'd like to actually spend a night with my wife. her parents are on her and the kids side, obviously, but i still dont think i should have to give my bed up for them, in the nicest way possible. i paid for it. the issue is getting worse, and my in laws are now calling me abusive for trying to take their comforts. so, am i the asshole? important info; both kids and my wife are asd diagnosed, stepson also has adhd. [/INST] nta - i also think it’s problematic for your wife to expect you to sleep, night after night, with a teenage stepdaughter. that aside, kicking you out of your own bed so she can sleep with a teen and a tween is a strange dependency on her part. is she planning on moving into their dorm rooms or going on their honeymoons in the future. just no. time to grow the kids up and have an adult relationship with her husband. </s>
AITA for telling my boyfriend's mother she raised a fucking sociopath who needs to be in a facility.	so i (f26) have a boyfriend (m24) and recently he got into a dispute with the neighbour's kids. they accidentally kicked their football into our yard and they came into the garden to get it back. tbh, i didnt care but my boyfriend started screaming at these like 11 year ds about how they are poorly raised and their parents should be ashamed. i. was. fucking. mortified. i sent the kids some chocolates and sweets and apologised profusely for his behaviour. i was seeing red flags and told him this behaviour was not normal. he kind of brushed me off and i told him if he pulled anything like that again he was gone. the next week the ball came into our garden and i was about to throw it back to the kids when my boyfriend stormed outside and took the ball inside. i told the kids that i would bring it back in a minute. he went into the bathroom and emerged like 10 minutes later wearing gloves and a football covered in shit. his own shit. what the fuck. i asked him if he was out of his fucking mind but he stormed past me and threw it over the fence screaming "take that you bitches". i screamed and girl i mean screamed at him about how he was a fucking douche and i wanted him out of my house and he is a disgusting fucking monster and that they were just kids. i screamed and screamed and eventually he left. i deleted all his games off of his ps4 and gave it to the kids as an apology. i was so embarrassed. my ex-bf's mom messaged me asking what happened and i responded with "what happened? what happened? you are a pathetic excuse of a woman who raised a fucking sociopath who covered a football in his own shit and threw it at some kids and he needs to be a in a facility because something is wrong with him and god knows how i hadn't seen any red flags about the fucking monster you raised during the 7 months we dated". i know i am in the right for what i did to my bf but am i in the wrong for snapping at the mother for something she had no direct involvement in?	22,776	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hh1cn3/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriends_mother_she_raised/	2020-06-27 20:56:51	yta for blaming a grown adult's mother for his behaviour.	yta for sending the message cause i’m sure she would’ve maybe understood how angry you were if you came across nicer. but wow i can’t even imagine being in your position, has he done anything like this before?	esh. your ex is a madman, and yeah, i'm all for dumping his ass and kicking him out of your house. but his ps4 was not yours to give away, and to be honest, while it's possible that the mother did a terrible job raising him, you yelled at her and berated her for stuff her grown-ass adult son did. that's super uncalled for.	i'm sorry to say this, but yta. i don't actually think you have done anything wrong in this scenario and would count you as the good guy. but in the absence of knowing any bad information about his mother, what you said to her was not cool. if he is a genuine sociopath then that is brain wiring, not really how he was raised. you haven't given us any reason to believe his behaviour is down to her	yta for lashing out at the mom. yes, a child’s actions can reflect on the parent, but something like mental health can happen with or without amazing parenting. i get that it was in the heat of the moment, but i really hope you apologize to her and talk about your ex’s situation to her a bit more thoroughly after.	this feels really fake to be honest... it just doesn't seem real that someone would do this. but yes, yta, to put that kind of blame on a mom you don't know. he could just have mental issues and you could be scaring that mom that potentially tried her best to raise him.	yta why did you blame her? how do you know she is solely responsible for his behavior? how is she responsible for the behavior of her adult son? mental illness is genetic, that would be her only fault in any of this and you don't even know that it's from her. i have a child who is a psychopath. like for real. she's adopted however, so my genes have nothing to do with her mental health issues. she was never abused, neglected and knew she was loved. however, when she turned 15,she told me she thought she was a sociopath. (the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is big). i chalked it up to teen drama and that i needed to more carefully monitor what she was doing online. upon checking, i found nothing concerning. her behavior wasn't concerning, she was pleasant, funny, very musically and artistically gifted, had friends, etc. she had been a joy to raise. she's autistic, but very high functioning. most people would say she's 'quirky' with 'a unique outlook'. she has a clinically low iq due to prenatal drug exposure, so she gets by with a lot of behaviors that someone with an average iq wouldn't. until she wasn't. she started idolizing mass murderers. she began trying to convince me why the ideologies of mao, hitler and stalin were not wrong. why genocide wasn't "necessarily evil" and that eugenics should definitely be making comeback. she began hallucinating that these killers were visiting her, giving her advice. i became very alarmed but, in all of their wisdom, mental health providers do not care about the rantings of a 16 year old girl living in an upper middle class family. she became very dangerous very quickly and unexpectedly. there were no signs. no one ever suggested they were worried about her behavior. not her teachers, guidance counselors, friends, pediatrician - no one. only that she was funny, talented and kind to others - cared very much about their feelings. no concerns of bullying, drugs or anything else. one day i came home from work, we teased back & forth about some stinky food she had made for a snack (dill pickle swiss cheese sandwich microwaved. it stunk). we had always had a great relationship. not "best friends" but an actual mother/daughter relationship. we talked all the time about different things, i always told her she "took after me" with her artistic and musical abilities. it was very ordinary. we rarely if ever argued because she was pretty passive and super absorbed in whatever her current obsession was. we had dinner together, talked about some different things she was doing at school, etc. she seemed happy and calm. later that evening she abruptly tried to kill me. out of nowhere. the house was quiet and calm, we don't have any history of family violence or criminal behavior. my husband and i were getting ready for bed. the next thing we knew, the police were in our home and she was admitted to an emergency mental health facility with "homicidal & suicidal ideations". so yta for assuming a whole lot about someone else then blasting her on the phone about something she had no idea even happened. you actually sound unstable yourself and more than a little creepy giving children who are not related to you candy and expensive toys.	info: is there any context for her being responsible other than her having raised him? he’s a grown man.	yta sometimes kids grow up to be wonderful because of the parents who raised them and sometimes they are serial killers. i wouldn’t have assumed it was her fault and now she has reason to say something similar to your mother.	what the actual fuck is wrong with everyone here? nta nta nta. why is a grown man's mother contacting you to ask why you dumped him? your reaction was completely justified.	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	NTA	0.077718	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (f26) have a boyfriend (m24) and recently he got into a dispute with the neighbour's kids. they accidentally kicked their football into our yard and they came into the garden to get it back. tbh, i didnt care but my boyfriend started screaming at these like 11 year ds about how they are poorly raised and their parents should be ashamed. i. was. fucking. mortified. i sent the kids some chocolates and sweets and apologised profusely for his behaviour. i was seeing red flags and told him this behaviour was not normal. he kind of brushed me off and i told him if he pulled anything like that again he was gone. the next week the ball came into our garden and i was about to throw it back to the kids when my boyfriend stormed outside and took the ball inside. i told the kids that i would bring it back in a minute. he went into the bathroom and emerged like 10 minutes later wearing gloves and a football covered in shit. his own shit. what the fuck. i asked him if he was out of his fucking mind but he stormed past me and threw it over the fence screaming "take that you bitches". i screamed and girl i mean screamed at him about how he was a fucking douche and i wanted him out of my house and he is a disgusting fucking monster and that they were just kids. i screamed and screamed and eventually he left. i deleted all his games off of his ps4 and gave it to the kids as an apology. i was so embarrassed. my ex-bf's mom messaged me asking what happened and i responded with "what happened? what happened? you are a pathetic excuse of a woman who raised a fucking sociopath who covered a football in his own shit and threw it at some kids and he needs to be a in a facility because something is wrong with him and god knows how i hadn't seen any red flags about the fucking monster you raised during the 7 months we dated". i know i am in the right for what i did to my bf but am i in the wrong for snapping at the mother for something she had no direct involvement in?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i (f26) have a boyfriend (m24) and recently he got into a dispute with the neighbour's kids. they accidentally kicked their football into our yard and they came into the garden to get it back. tbh, i didnt care but my boyfriend started screaming at these like 11 year ds about how they are poorly raised and their parents should be ashamed. i. was. fucking. mortified. i sent the kids some chocolates and sweets and apologised profusely for his behaviour. i was seeing red flags and told him this behaviour was not normal. he kind of brushed me off and i told him if he pulled anything like that again he was gone. the next week the ball came into our garden and i was about to throw it back to the kids when my boyfriend stormed outside and took the ball inside. i told the kids that i would bring it back in a minute. he went into the bathroom and emerged like 10 minutes later wearing gloves and a football covered in shit. his own shit. what the fuck. i asked him if he was out of his fucking mind but he stormed past me and threw it over the fence screaming "take that you bitches". i screamed and girl i mean screamed at him about how he was a fucking douche and i wanted him out of my house and he is a disgusting fucking monster and that they were just kids. i screamed and screamed and eventually he left. i deleted all his games off of his ps4 and gave it to the kids as an apology. i was so embarrassed. my ex-bf's mom messaged me asking what happened and i responded with "what happened? what happened? you are a pathetic excuse of a woman who raised a fucking sociopath who covered a football in his own shit and threw it at some kids and he needs to be a in a facility because something is wrong with him and god knows how i hadn't seen any red flags about the fucking monster you raised during the 7 months we dated". i know i am in the right for what i did to my bf but am i in the wrong for snapping at the mother for something she had no direct involvement in? [/INST] yta for blaming a grown adult's mother for his behaviour. </s>
AITA for getting my interviewer fired?	i (f27) went to a job interview for a potential job opportunity at this company. the interviewer, we'll call him "eddie" (30ish) welcomed me into the office and had me sit down. first thing he did was look at my cv then started asking me questions that seemed a little to personal and unrelated to the job. like if i was in a relationship, wether my eye color was "real" or just 'lenses", also asked about how i spend my time when "alone" and what type of dudes i like. like legit personal questions. don't know if he was testing how i react but i kept it cool til he asked me the question of what my greatest weakness was. i responded by saying "keeping up with your inappropriate questions and answering them politely!". he looked at me upset and then told me i had an "attitude". it was clear that the interview was over. he told me i didn't get the job which i found unfair because i don't think i desreved to lose the job over what? nothing. i got into an argument with him then told him i was going to report him. i went to speak to the supervisor and filed a complaint against eddie. the supervisor apologized to me and tried to reschedule a new interview but i was hasitant about it. later i was told that eddie got fired which made me feel guilty. my mom and dad agreed that his questions were inappropriate but said that i went too far by reporting him and having him fired. eddie tried contacting me via email saying that what i did could've been resolved between us and even said he could've arranged a new interview for me but i "ruined" it for myself and cost him his job. aita?	22,754	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v8gw85/aita_for_getting_my_interviewer_fired/	2022-06-09 13:29:51	nta notify the company that eddie used your application info to contact you after he was fired. that is a major security/liability issue for them. keep a record of all contact in case this guy turns out to be a stalker.	nta. if he got fired that quickly, then he was probably already on probation for similar issues. your complaint is saving others from similar experiences. he wasn’t just bothering you, he wasn’t serving the company well by focusing on hiring qualified people. furthermore, he should not have contacted you afterwards. he shouldn’t still have access to your contact info and you should let the company know as it could be a liability issue for them.	nta - i am a manager who has interviewed people over 30 years and could clearly say that "eddie" had no business interviewing you. he clearly crossed the line then had the gaul to play victim in all of this. i think you handled yourself professionally. i feel everyone thinks it would be easy to interview but there is actually a lot of training that is required because there are so many questions you can ask someone that seem harmless and actually break the law. but...eddies questions are way beyond that...it seems he not only crossed the line but was a 100 miles beyond the line. eddie actually put his whole company at risk for a lawsuit that can cost them millions in settling lawsuits and legal feels. the company did the wrong thing by not training and preparing eddy to conduct interviews but they did the right thing in the end and cut out that cancer from their company.	nta. your parents are wrong — you didn’t “have him fired,” you just reported what he was doing to his supervisor. what happened next between him and his employer isn’t on you. for all you know it was a last strike (but it really sounds like this guy just shouldn’t have been there in the first place). nice one, btw, on “keeping up with your inappropriate questions.”	100% nta. what is wrong with your parents through? good grief.	why do all of these posts involve people agreeing that the perpetrator did something wrong but thinking that they shouldn't have faced consequences for it?	nta! 100% wtf is wrong with your parents?! they should have your back on this. &#x200b; you absolutely did the right thing in reporting him! those questions shouldn't have been anywhere in that interview! and since they did fire him, you should consider going in for an interview. a great new position just opened up! &#x200b; you did not get him fired, he got himself fired by being completely unprofessional in the interview. if nobody tells his supervisor, how will they know?! i'd want to know if i ran the company! i'd want decent people working for me. i wouldn't want people getting harassed at the interview! it doesn't say anything good about the company if that happens!!!! and him emailing you after the fact? you send him a link to this post so he can see just how ridiculous his behavior was. he can blame nobody but himself for the outcome he received! and it's hard to resolve things alone with someone who was sexually harassing you at a place of work! &#x200b; (advice: if ever you're asked about your greatest weakness at a job interview, you can give the same answer i give: "i don't handle unprofessional attitudes very well" most employers love to think they have a professional work force and don't actually see that as a bad weakness to have)	he hit on you in a professional setting when you were looking for a job, then he denied you that interview after you took issue with his inappropriate behavour. he deserves to be fired and you did the right thing. you should report back to the company that he is now harassing you over email - an email address that he stole from work. this has data protection implications. they will want to know. besides, you did address his behaviour and look how he reacted. he tried to deny you a job. imagine working with this guy? " go out with me or i'll get you fired". nta, you handled it perfectly. now report the fact that he is stalking you. also, your parents? they're arseholes, too.	nta. you didn’t “have him fired.” the company realized he was a liability bomb and disposed of dangerous material. info: wtf is wrong with your parents? edit. don’t wait until something happens. let the company know right now that he used your personal information to contact you.	nta. i could only imagine how much worse he is with his other colleagues. shame on your parents too.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f27) went to a job interview for a potential job opportunity at this company. the interviewer, we'll call him "eddie" (30ish) welcomed me into the office and had me sit down. first thing he did was look at my cv then started asking me questions that seemed a little to personal and unrelated to the job. like if i was in a relationship, wether my eye color was "real" or just 'lenses", also asked about how i spend my time when "alone" and what type of dudes i like. like legit personal questions. don't know if he was testing how i react but i kept it cool til he asked me the question of what my greatest weakness was. i responded by saying "keeping up with your inappropriate questions and answering them politely!". he looked at me upset and then told me i had an "attitude". it was clear that the interview was over. he told me i didn't get the job which i found unfair because i don't think i desreved to lose the job over what? nothing. i got into an argument with him then told him i was going to report him. i went to speak to the supervisor and filed a complaint against eddie. the supervisor apologized to me and tried to reschedule a new interview but i was hasitant about it. later i was told that eddie got fired which made me feel guilty. my mom and dad agreed that his questions were inappropriate but said that i went too far by reporting him and having him fired. eddie tried contacting me via email saying that what i did could've been resolved between us and even said he could've arranged a new interview for me but i "ruined" it for myself and cost him his job. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (f27) went to a job interview for a potential job opportunity at this company. the interviewer, we'll call him "eddie" (30ish) welcomed me into the office and had me sit down. first thing he did was look at my cv then started asking me questions that seemed a little to personal and unrelated to the job. like if i was in a relationship, wether my eye color was "real" or just 'lenses", also asked about how i spend my time when "alone" and what type of dudes i like. like legit personal questions. don't know if he was testing how i react but i kept it cool til he asked me the question of what my greatest weakness was. i responded by saying "keeping up with your inappropriate questions and answering them politely!". he looked at me upset and then told me i had an "attitude". it was clear that the interview was over. he told me i didn't get the job which i found unfair because i don't think i desreved to lose the job over what? nothing. i got into an argument with him then told him i was going to report him. i went to speak to the supervisor and filed a complaint against eddie. the supervisor apologized to me and tried to reschedule a new interview but i was hasitant about it. later i was told that eddie got fired which made me feel guilty. my mom and dad agreed that his questions were inappropriate but said that i went too far by reporting him and having him fired. eddie tried contacting me via email saying that what i did could've been resolved between us and even said he could've arranged a new interview for me but i "ruined" it for myself and cost him his job. aita? [/INST] nta notify the company that eddie used your application info to contact you after he was fired. that is a major security/liability issue for them. keep a record of all contact in case this guy turns out to be a stalker. </s>
AITA for sabotaging my little brother's food on purpose?	my little brother is 18. i'm 20. i am staying with my family for the holidays and thought it'd be a nice time but i forgot that they treat me like a housekeeper. i do almost all the chores and i don't mind if its my chore. obviously, if i notice the dishwashers full, i empty it. if i cook, i clean up. if i make a mess, i clean up. however, if my little brother makes a mess. he makes me clean up. if i refuse and tell him to do it himself, he tells my parents and they side with him and just bug me until i do it. my brother also asks me to cook for him. he pulls out brownie mix and is like "make this." i always am like: "sure, i can make it but you have to help." he gets mad and says "i helped by taking out the box!" and when i refused to make stuff for him or tell him to make it himself, he'll throw a fit and tell our parents. lately, he keeps asking me to make stuff and i get frustrated going back and forth about why can't he make shit himself or just ask our parents. so i make the food he asks, but i always add stuff he doesn't like. (coincidentally, he hates a ton of stuff i love to eat ) so if he asks for brownies and refuses to help, i put nuts in it. he hates them and i like them. he came over to see the brownies and got mad at me and told me he hated nuts and can't eat the brownies anymore. i just said, "too bad, make it yourself next time or help me and tell me not to put nuts in." i thought he'd learn his lesson to at least help but he keeps asking for stuff and i just keep putting stuff in that he doesn't like. he finally got fed up and said he's not eating because i keep making stuff with stuff he doesn't like. i just shrugged and told him to make his own food then. he told my parents of course and they just told me to stop being an asshole and make food for him. it was my last day at home so i just told them to make food for him if they're so concerned before i left. now my parents are upset with me and my brother is angry with me and i am wondering if i was too petty	22,752	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/khmocx/aita_for_sabotaging_my_little_brothers_food_on/	2020-12-21 18:11:50	nta, when i was reading i thought your brother was like 5 then i went back and realized he was 18!???? thank god you're out of there	it sounds like your parents have really different standards for the two of you and much higher expectations on you - i'm guessing this is gender-based, though you didn't mention. anyway i think this is hilarious, and you should consider putting it in r/maliciouscompliance. your brother is legally an adult and certainly old enough to handle making a box of brownie mix, and he's way past the point where he can stand to learn that if he wants something done a certain way, he can do it himself. nta and well played.	i feel so, so sorry for the poor person who's going to end up with ops brother for a partner.	nta, he sounds like an idiot, why would you parents expect you to cater to him?	nta. reading the title i was thinking otherwise, because you just don’t fuck with someone’s food, but you are not the asshole at all. your brother is an entitled little brat who should be more than capable of making food for himself at his age. you know what’s in the food and so does he, he just chooses not to eat it. honestly you should make it a rule with your parents going forward that you will not coming to their house anymore unless they make it clear you will not be expected to cook for your brother.	nta- this is long, but relevant. i know what the future looks like for all of you if your parents don't put an end to your brother's crap now. i'm 38. my sister is 22. my parents treat her like yours do your little brother. when said sister was 11 i went to my parents for a visit. my dad asked me to clean my sisters room while i was there. this was a normal request that i had always obliged, but was sick of because she was old enough to do it herself. not to mention that they raised me with entirely different rules, and that shit wouldn't have flown with them when i was her age. so, i told him that if i did it i was going to bag everything up and put it in the store room in the garage. he must have thought i was joking and said ok. so i did it. that night i got a call from dad. he was pissed, but i explained that she was never going to learn if they didn't make her do it herself. i suggested a plan. for every week that she kept her room clean she got to open one bag. (there were seven bags total.) she would have to sort through the contents and throw out broken stuff and properly put away what she wanted to keep. if she kept up with that stuff for a week she could open another bag. you get the point i'm sure. it should have taken her just under two months to have all of her stuff back. fast forward five years, and my dad discovers the bags still in the store room. he opens them and calls my sister out there. she sees the contents and starts crying because her childhood toys are ruined. keep in mind that she is, at this point, way beyond playing with toys, especially the age range of toys in the bags. she didn't ever do anything to earn her stuff back and learn some responsibility. she let it sit there and rot. yet my dad still called me and yelled at me. he placed all of the blame on me for her stuff being ruined. she was never made to do anything. they just bought her new stuff and the bags in the garage store room were forgotten. somehow that is my fault, and it is still brought up regularly by both of them as an example of my carelessness and irresponsibility. are you as appalled as i am every time they bring it up? as i said, she is now 22. she is living at home, and still won't clean her room. her best friend has ocd and can't stand being in her room. when she does come over, about three times a year, my sisters room will finally get cleaned because the friend will have anxiety attacks. so the friend cleans it to avoid putting herself through the stress. in fact, i am currently at my parents about to shampoo the living room carpet behind the tv. why, you may want to know? because my sisters cat had kittens, she never litter trained them, and for two months they used behind the tv as their pee palace. my sister was supposed to do it, but she went christmas shopping with dad instead. i refuse to allow my toddler in here for christmas until it is cleaned. on top of that, our mom has her own anxiety issues, is bipolar and adjusting to new medicine. so, if i don't do it, it won't get done. this will be my families last christmas visiting their home for the holiday because now it will be expected that i clean for them to make it decent and safe for my little one. (she was already excited to come and i don't want to ruin her christmas. next year she will know well in advance to not look forward to visiting mere and pawpaw's house for the holidays.) your brother is going to end up just as lazy and entitled as my sister. my advice, put your foot down now. don't cater to him anymore. and make your parents read my comment so they can catch a glimpse in to the future if they don't make your brother grow the hell up. they'll have one kid that doesn't care about anyone but himself and another that refuses to set foot in their house.	nta and sounds like your parents are enabling your brother. don’t come over again until they agree to stop coddling him and know that he in no way is your grown son, he’s theirs . if they want to make food for him, they can. if he makes a mess - it’s their responsibility to clean it if he won’t.	info: are you female? is it sure sounds like he's the little prince and you're his servant.	my older brother once told me he bought a cake and said i could have some. it was in the kitchen and all i had to do was make it... fine, i'll bake you a cake. as the box is literally in my hand he said how cool it was that i could make a cake from scratch... then he was confused there was no frosting, cause the picture on the box had frosting and was shocked you have to buy frosting and cake separately. fortunately i can make frosting from scratch... but damn dude... you stupid.	this is where you get petty and go, "okay well i opened the box. your turn."	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	null	0.007141	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my little brother is 18. i'm 20. i am staying with my family for the holidays and thought it'd be a nice time but i forgot that they treat me like a housekeeper. i do almost all the chores and i don't mind if its my chore. obviously, if i notice the dishwashers full, i empty it. if i cook, i clean up. if i make a mess, i clean up. however, if my little brother makes a mess. he makes me clean up. if i refuse and tell him to do it himself, he tells my parents and they side with him and just bug me until i do it. my brother also asks me to cook for him. he pulls out brownie mix and is like "make this." i always am like: "sure, i can make it but you have to help." he gets mad and says "i helped by taking out the box!" and when i refused to make stuff for him or tell him to make it himself, he'll throw a fit and tell our parents. lately, he keeps asking me to make stuff and i get frustrated going back and forth about why can't he make shit himself or just ask our parents. so i make the food he asks, but i always add stuff he doesn't like. (coincidentally, he hates a ton of stuff i love to eat ) so if he asks for brownies and refuses to help, i put nuts in it. he hates them and i like them. he came over to see the brownies and got mad at me and told me he hated nuts and can't eat the brownies anymore. i just said, "too bad, make it yourself next time or help me and tell me not to put nuts in." i thought he'd learn his lesson to at least help but he keeps asking for stuff and i just keep putting stuff in that he doesn't like. he finally got fed up and said he's not eating because i keep making stuff with stuff he doesn't like. i just shrugged and told him to make his own food then. he told my parents of course and they just told me to stop being an asshole and make food for him. it was my last day at home so i just told them to make food for him if they're so concerned before i left. now my parents are upset with me and my brother is angry with me and i am wondering if i was too petty	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my little brother is 18. i'm 20. i am staying with my family for the holidays and thought it'd be a nice time but i forgot that they treat me like a housekeeper. i do almost all the chores and i don't mind if its my chore. obviously, if i notice the dishwashers full, i empty it. if i cook, i clean up. if i make a mess, i clean up. however, if my little brother makes a mess. he makes me clean up. if i refuse and tell him to do it himself, he tells my parents and they side with him and just bug me until i do it. my brother also asks me to cook for him. he pulls out brownie mix and is like "make this." i always am like: "sure, i can make it but you have to help." he gets mad and says "i helped by taking out the box!" and when i refused to make stuff for him or tell him to make it himself, he'll throw a fit and tell our parents. lately, he keeps asking me to make stuff and i get frustrated going back and forth about why can't he make shit himself or just ask our parents. so i make the food he asks, but i always add stuff he doesn't like. (coincidentally, he hates a ton of stuff i love to eat ) so if he asks for brownies and refuses to help, i put nuts in it. he hates them and i like them. he came over to see the brownies and got mad at me and told me he hated nuts and can't eat the brownies anymore. i just said, "too bad, make it yourself next time or help me and tell me not to put nuts in." i thought he'd learn his lesson to at least help but he keeps asking for stuff and i just keep putting stuff in that he doesn't like. he finally got fed up and said he's not eating because i keep making stuff with stuff he doesn't like. i just shrugged and told him to make his own food then. he told my parents of course and they just told me to stop being an asshole and make food for him. it was my last day at home so i just told them to make food for him if they're so concerned before i left. now my parents are upset with me and my brother is angry with me and i am wondering if i was too petty [/INST] nta, when i was reading i thought your brother was like 5 then i went back and realized he was 18**!???? thank god you're out of there </s>
AITA for not agreeing to a name change for my daughter, despite her father wanting one?	my ex and i were engaged, living together, and planning on trying for kids after the wedding. the wedding got delayed and i found out i was pregnant shortly after. my ex freaked out. insisted it couldn't be his baby because he wasn't ready to be a dad, that this was all happening too fast and wasn't how we planned it, and said he needed some time to think everything over. he then moved out, blocked me, and didn't answer any kind of attempted contact for 10 months. our child was born without him there and i named our daughter, "elizabeth laura smith" without his input. elizabeth because i like it and it reminds me of my favourite book character (i work in literature), laura after my grandmother, and smith is my surname. my ex has reached out. he said he waited this long because he wasn't sure how far along i was when we were together but he figured the baby had to have been born by now. i said that his timing was a little off, because she's 5 months old. ex has said he's planning to sort out custody. we've not discussed logistics yet, but he's unlikely to get anything before she turns 1. he asked if i'd named her yet, and i told him what i'd named her. ex then said he hates that name. he thinks it sounds old and stuffy. he says that as his mother, "mary", has recently (november 2019) passed away, he wants to name our daughter mary. he says mary must be the first name and that i can have either elizabeth or laura as the middle name. i made clear, in no uncertain terms, that i will not change her name. i hate the name mary. i hate how it sounds, both alone and with "elizabeth/laura smith" on the end of it. plus i didn't like his mother, either (though i didn't remind him of that). ex said that if we're going to co-parent then i have to learn to compromise and this is the place to start, and that it's unfair that i got to choose both her first and middle name. i said that if he hadn't blocked me for the better part of a year, he'd have been able to say all of this when she was born. ex said that the above is proof that i'm being petty and that he can't undo the past, but i can prevent any feelings of dislike/resentment from him over this name in future, and that as the father he should have a say in his daughter's name. he also says that he's willing to let her be a "smith" and not force me to use his surname, which he feels is proof he has already negotiated. am i the a-hole?	22,737	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kgtluk/aita_for_not_agreeing_to_a_name_change_for_my/	2020-12-20 13:00:33	nta. pretty fucking ballsy of him to get a hold of you when your daughter is 5 god damn months old and the first thing he does is start making demands.	nta. « and it’s unfair that i got to choose both her first and middle name ». you know what’s unfair? having to go through pregnancy and giving birth to a child by yourself because someone who thought themselves ready to be your partner bailed when it got difficult. that‘s not fair. it’s not about you being unwilling to comprise, he missed out on his chance to name his daughter because he was too afraid/unprepared to be there.	nta jesus fuck. if this is real you should continue the no contact. this guy is unstable.	nta you're so far from being the asshole. don't give him anything. if he wants visitation, he needs to get a lawyer and file a legal petition for paternity. and you hire a lawyer and your lawyers (and a judge, if necessary) iron out his visitation and child support. your and your lawyer's side should be that your ex fled when he knew you were pregnant and shouldn't have custody. his visitation should be supervised for a significant length of time so he can demonstrate his ability to parent. and he needs to pay child support. there's a good chance he'll ghost you again when you tell him to have his lawyer call your lawyer. but definitely do not just hand this man your baby, nor change her name because he wants it changed.	nta- he abandoned you! he ran away like a scared little boy! he claimed the child wasn't his! write down and document everything he said, the dates to the best of your relocation, and his actions. talk to a lawyer. it may be best you only communicate with him that way for now. he abandoned his child, his rights to compromise is gone.	nta. she’s not a pet he can rename, or a community asset to divide.	nta - the absolute fucking audacity of this man is unbelievable! >he also says that he's willing to let her be a "smith" and not force me to use his surname, who does think he is? i'd actually love to see him try and make the legal argument that the mother of the child he abandoned should be compelled to change the child's name.	nta if he had wanted to have naming privileges, he should have been there for the pregnancy and birth.	nta. he walked out on his pregnant fiance and then proceeded to block you everywhere. he chose not to be present for you or for his daughter's birth. your daughter is 5 months old and has been named. he doesn't get a do-over on her name, he needs to focus on being a father to her going forward.	nta first, please edit your post and redact the full name of your daughter to remain anonymous. \>ex said that if we're going to co-parent then i have to learn to compromise the nerve of the guy. he's at fault here, why doesn't he compromise? or better yet, f\*ck off. he walked out on you and your daughter, pretty much abandoned her. maybe he'd have a legal case for some custody, i don't know, but you are not "co-parenting" and owe him nothing. he's the one who has a lot to make up for. keep logs of the communications he has with you. maybe there is or will be something in there that would help your legal case for custody. i don't know if evidence that he's demanding your daughter changes name could help your case, but it doesn't hurt to ask your lawyer.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex and i were engaged, living together, and planning on trying for kids after the wedding. the wedding got delayed and i found out i was pregnant shortly after. my ex freaked out. insisted it couldn't be his baby because he wasn't ready to be a dad, that this was all happening too fast and wasn't how we planned it, and said he needed some time to think everything over. he then moved out, blocked me, and didn't answer any kind of attempted contact for 10 months. our child was born without him there and i named our daughter, "elizabeth laura smith" without his input. elizabeth because i like it and it reminds me of my favourite book character (i work in literature), laura after my grandmother, and smith is my surname. my ex has reached out. he said he waited this long because he wasn't sure how far along i was when we were together but he figured the baby had to have been born by now. i said that his timing was a little off, because she's 5 months old. ex has said he's planning to sort out custody. we've not discussed logistics yet, but he's unlikely to get anything before she turns 1. he asked if i'd named her yet, and i told him what i'd named her. ex then said he hates that name. he thinks it sounds old and stuffy. he says that as his mother, "mary", has recently (november 2019) passed away, he wants to name our daughter mary. he says mary must* be the first name and that i can have either elizabeth or laura as the middle name. i made clear, in no uncertain terms, that i will not change her name. i hate the name mary. i hate how it sounds, both alone and with "elizabeth/laura smith" on the end of it. plus i didn't like his mother, either (though i didn't remind him of that). ex said that if we're going to co-parent then i have to learn to compromise and this is the place to start, and that it's unfair that i got to choose both her first and middle name. i said that if he hadn't blocked me for the better part of a year, he'd have been able to say all of this when she was born. ex said that the above is proof that i'm being petty and that he can't undo the past, but i can prevent any feelings of dislike/resentment from him over this name in future, and that as the father he should have a say in his daughter's name. he also says that he's willing to let her be a "smith" and not force me to use his surname, which he feels is proof he has already negotiated. am i the a-hole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my ex and i were engaged, living together, and planning on trying for kids after the wedding. the wedding got delayed and i found out i was pregnant shortly after. my ex freaked out. insisted it couldn't be his baby because he wasn't ready to be a dad, that this was all happening too fast and wasn't how we planned it, and said he needed some time to think everything over. he then moved out, blocked me, and didn't answer any kind of attempted contact for 10 months. our child was born without him there and i named our daughter, "elizabeth laura smith" without his input. elizabeth because i like it and it reminds me of my favourite book character (i work in literature), laura after my grandmother, and smith is my surname. my ex has reached out. he said he waited this long because he wasn't sure how far along i was when we were together but he figured the baby had to have been born by now. i said that his timing was a little off, because she's 5 months old. ex has said he's planning to sort out custody. we've not discussed logistics yet, but he's unlikely to get anything before she turns 1. he asked if i'd named her yet, and i told him what i'd named her. ex then said he hates that name. he thinks it sounds old and stuffy. he says that as his mother, "mary", has recently (november 2019) passed away, he wants to name our daughter mary. he says mary must* be the first name and that i can have either elizabeth or laura as the middle name. i made clear, in no uncertain terms, that i will not change her name. i hate the name mary. i hate how it sounds, both alone and with "elizabeth/laura smith" on the end of it. plus i didn't like his mother, either (though i didn't remind him of that). ex said that if we're going to co-parent then i have to learn to compromise and this is the place to start, and that it's unfair that i got to choose both her first and middle name. i said that if he hadn't blocked me for the better part of a year, he'd have been able to say all of this when she was born. ex said that the above is proof that i'm being petty and that he can't undo the past, but i can prevent any feelings of dislike/resentment from him over this name in future, and that as the father he should have a say in his daughter's name. he also says that he's willing to let her be a "smith" and not force me to use his surname, which he feels is proof he has already negotiated. am i the a-hole? [/INST] nta. pretty fucking ballsy of him to get a hold of you when your daughter is 5 god damn months old and the first thing he does is start making demands. </s>
AITA for not moving back home with my parents?	my (18m) parents planned on being a child free couple, but because of religious beliefs they kept me even if i was an unwanted pregnancy. i don't remember when exactly i was told, but i always knew that i would be expected to move out as soon as i reached 18 years old. i have been working and saving since i turned 13 and have a respectable ammount in a savings account. now to be fair to my parents, they provided for me financially, they were distant emotionally but they have never been abusive. a week before my 18th birthday (january 13th) they sat me down and asked if i have found a place to move into yet. i said yes and that was the extent of the conversation. i was planning to live in an apartment with 4 other guys, but a friend's family heard about it and offered me their finished basement with separate access for a very cheap price ($150 a month utilities included, no down payment required). so i jumped at the opportunity even though i know it is a pity offer. it is relevant that both his family and mine are of indian descent. i moved out the day after my birthday and my parents haven't contacted me since. i admit that i did not reach out to them too. yesterday my dad called to invite me to dinner. it was awkward even before they asked me to move back in, said i don't have to pay them rent or anything. but here's the thing, i like my new living situation, it lacks the awkwardness and tension that i didn't even know was there untill i moved out. when i said no, politely at that and thanking them for the offer, my mother started crying and left the room, while my dad started scolding me and saying that their friends are excluding them because of the "rumour" that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in. i said that that was exactly what happened, and it isn't my job to save them from the consequences of their actions and decisions. now my whole extended family is calling me nonstop and saying i am being an ah. so aita?	22,730	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/scxsv8/aita_for_not_moving_back_home_with_my_parents/	2022-01-26 04:57:12	nta. they don’t want you back, they want their reputation and social life back. your parents are cold, mean people. don’t go back for anything. hopefully this other family welcomes you and treats you as one of their own. i’m sorry. you deserve a lot better than you’ve been treated so far.	“ saying that their friends are excluding them because of the "rumour" that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in.” nta they don’t want you to move back because they care for you they just want to look good to their friends. you’re an adult and you should stay moved out if that’s what you feel more comfortable with. you don’t need to sacrifice your wants or needs for others	nta you moved out like they asked and you seem happier! if your parents are unhappy with their choices and are upset about being shamed in their community then they have to deal with the consequences! seems like you’re the adult in this situation and they still have some growing up to do.	nta. these are called consequences, mom and dad.	nta!!!!! i had the exact same thing happen to me as a teenager. my brother and i got a 6hr warning that we were to be out of the house by that evening and any belongings we left would be sold or thrown out immediately. we were desperate for help, so i posted on facebook (back when everyone was on there), asking if anyone had a truck we could use and why we needed it so badly on such short notice. one of my cousins saw the post and it eventually got back to my grandmother. she called me, screaming and raging that i would be so cruel as to “ruin my father’s reputation” as a good father. if he wanted to be seen as a good father, maybe he shouldn’t have made two of his children (including one with significant disabilities) homeless with no warning! op, yours are facing the consequences of their actions. do not move back in! it may be hard at the moment, but you have just begun a new and much happier chapter of your life! stay strong!	nta. your parents did exactly what their friends are saying they did, and you moving back in will not actually change that. nor, i suspect, will it actually help them save face - your parents’ friends aren’t going to magically forget that they threw you out if you move back in! and even if it did magically brainwash the friends, you would still have no obligation to go back. you prefer your living situation now, and your parents have made it very clear that you owe each other nothing. they’re reaping what they sowed and it’s not your job to save them from that.	nta. they didn't then and still don't care about you, at all. they care about what other people are saying about them. you don't need them. i wish you the absolute very best in life.	nta. clearly, they wanted you to move back in for appearances and to maintain social standing. from your telling, their offer had nothing to do with missing you or really wanting you back in the house. further, they have made it clear to you for years that you were a burden and an oops, and in turn you planned for life accordingly. make your own way, but don't burn any bridges incase shit goes sideways.	indian here. they are only wanting you back because of community perception. they wouldn’t have called you for dinner nor to move back in if it wasn’t for that. stick to your guns and let them deal with it. the fact they didn’t even bother to call you since you moved out tells you exactly how they feel about you. live the life you want to live op, nta.	nta. you have lived up to exactly what they planned. a pleasant living situation was offered and you rightly took it. enjoy life. don't look back.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (18m) parents planned on being a child free couple, but because of religious beliefs they kept me even if i was an unwanted pregnancy. i don't remember when exactly i was told, but i always knew that i would be expected to move out as soon as i reached 18 years old. i have been working and saving since i turned 13 and have a respectable ammount in a savings account. now to be fair to my parents, they provided for me financially, they were distant emotionally but they have never been abusive. a week before my 18th birthday (january 13th) they sat me down and asked if i have found a place to move into yet. i said yes and that was the extent of the conversation. i was planning to live in an apartment with 4 other guys, but a friend's family heard about it and offered me their finished basement with separate access for a very cheap price ($150 a month utilities included, no down payment required). so i jumped at the opportunity even though i know it is a pity offer. it is relevant that both his family and mine are of indian descent. i moved out the day after my birthday and my parents haven't contacted me since. i admit that i did not reach out to them too. yesterday my dad called to invite me to dinner. it was awkward even before they asked me to move back in, said i don't have to pay them rent or anything. but here's the thing, i like my new living situation, it lacks the awkwardness and tension that i didn't even know was there untill i moved out. when i said no, politely at that and thanking them for the offer, my mother started crying and left the room, while my dad started scolding me and saying that their friends are excluding them because of the "rumour" that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in. i said that that was exactly what happened, and it isn't my job to save them from the consequences of their actions and decisions. now my whole extended family is calling me nonstop and saying i am being an ah. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (18m) parents planned on being a child free couple, but because of religious beliefs they kept me even if i was an unwanted pregnancy. i don't remember when exactly i was told, but i always knew that i would be expected to move out as soon as i reached 18 years old. i have been working and saving since i turned 13 and have a respectable ammount in a savings account. now to be fair to my parents, they provided for me financially, they were distant emotionally but they have never been abusive. a week before my 18th birthday (january 13th) they sat me down and asked if i have found a place to move into yet. i said yes and that was the extent of the conversation. i was planning to live in an apartment with 4 other guys, but a friend's family heard about it and offered me their finished basement with separate access for a very cheap price ($150 a month utilities included, no down payment required). so i jumped at the opportunity even though i know it is a pity offer. it is relevant that both his family and mine are of indian descent. i moved out the day after my birthday and my parents haven't contacted me since. i admit that i did not reach out to them too. yesterday my dad called to invite me to dinner. it was awkward even before they asked me to move back in, said i don't have to pay them rent or anything. but here's the thing, i like my new living situation, it lacks the awkwardness and tension that i didn't even know was there untill i moved out. when i said no, politely at that and thanking them for the offer, my mother started crying and left the room, while my dad started scolding me and saying that their friends are excluding them because of the "rumour" that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in. i said that that was exactly what happened, and it isn't my job to save them from the consequences of their actions and decisions. now my whole extended family is calling me nonstop and saying i am being an ah. so aita? [/INST] nta. they don’t want you back, they want their reputation and social life back. your parents are cold, mean people. don’t go back for anything. hopefully this other family welcomes you and treats you as one of their own. i’m sorry. you deserve a lot better than you’ve been treated so far. </s>
AITA for calling my mother a racist bitch and disregarding the punishment she gave me?	my (17f) mother (35f) has always been racist, and she doesn't hide it either. she makes comments about african americans being "ugly" but the race she has the most prejudice towards is anyone who is chinese, japanese, korean, etc. she generalizes the way they speak and mocks them, she says they're all ugly, makes comments about how they "shouldn't drive" because they "can't see" properly, etc. i've heard this all throughout my life from her and every time i've wanted to call her out but was afraid of what she'd say because all my life she's been a ticking time bomb and most of the time i'm too exhausted to deal with her constantly going on a rampage of saying cruel things and then playing the victim after it all. this time in particular however, i was watching "a silent voice" beautiful anime movie by the way, it brought me to tears. one of the scenes showing how shouko speaks aloud was on while my mom was in the room, and of course as per routine she made a stupid comment basically stating that she's surprised anyone batted an eye at how she talks given that it's supposedly "as unintelligible as any other asian." i spoke up and said "oh shit, i forgot i can't watch what i enjoy without you trying too hard to make us laugh with an unfunny racist comment." she said "excuse me?" to which i replied that i was pretty sure she heard me, and then she asked me what it was like to have a "fetish" for asian people (???) so i said "what's it like to have such a bland personality that being a racist bitch is your main trait?" she blew up and told me i had no right to speak to her that way because she was my mother. basically i shrugged and i said that i'm treating her as i would any prejudiced person. i was grounded for being "disrespectful" because apparently being racist is nothing but an opinion /s. pretty much the same hour i walked out of the house and announced that i was sleeping over at a friend's house because there's no way i was gonna serve a punishment for calling out a racist. i'm getting mixed reactions. some say i was fully in the right and didn't need to change a thing, others say while i was in the right i should've just taken the punishment because i knew what the outcome would be. aita here reddit?	22,724	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqh51g/aita_for_calling_my_mother_a_racist_bitch_and/	2020-11-08 18:53:23	nta. as a japanese person, i am utterly disgusted by her racism. it is also beyond me how an anime movie has anything to do with a "fetish for asian people."	nta, but you must understand consequences. i went toe to toe with my dad on a daily basis. there were literal fist fights. he had a half-mexican, openly pansexual daughter who was a survivor of child abuse -- and he shit on everything i was with regularity. he was absolutely in the wrong. i haven't spoken to him more than once or twice this last decade. in fact, i told him that the next time i see him is when we're lowering him into the ground. but your ideals will not feed, clothe, nor house you. the day i walked out of my dad's house, i knew i'd rather live on the streets than spend another moment under that hateful man's roof. and i did. i wound up homeless for almost 4 months as an 18-year-old woman. it took me nearly 6 years to claw my way out of absolute poverty thereafter. i'm not telling you to be fine with what she says and who she is. i'm saying if you push her buttons, she has the power to upend your entire world and slap you with a dose of reality that'll mess you up for years. be prepared to suffer the consequences for biting the hand that feeds you.	[removed]	nta but given your age, might have been better to stay quiet depends on fast you're gonna leave the house	personally i would have waited until after moving out, but nta: that conversation was going to happen eventually.	nta. good for you for standing up to her. but you need to be a little careful. make sure you have a plan for being financially independent when you turn 18.	nta ✊	nta, you have been listening to your mom talk horribly about other races (who have done absolutely nothing wrong) for your whole life. it was inevitable you were going to blow up at her eventually. my dad was a huge racist. he hated everyone that wasn't white and liked to say, "when does the white man get his chance?" while working a job making $70/hr. when he died we found nazi and confederate flags in his garage and my grandma burned them. he was a very miserable man and i think he just liked to take it out on other people. when i stopped living with him i started calling him out on his crap. i would scream at him and tell him why he was wrong. because he wasn't better than these people and it wasn't fair. he eventually stopped saying anything racist in front of me and told my sister he was 'scared' of me and honestly? good. cause i'm not going to sit there and listen to people talk crap because their uneducated and prejudice. also that movie was amazing!! sorry your mom tried to ruin it for you.	nta nothing quite like racist family members /s - you took all you were gonna take and you weren’t taking nummore. can’t have a family get together (pre covid) without my blood boiling at some of the shit my extended family says, i completely understand your pov.	nta. once you show your racism, you don’t deserve respect. even if she is your mother.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (17f) mother (35f) has always been racist, and she doesn't hide it either. she makes comments about african americans being "ugly" but the race she has the most prejudice towards is anyone who is chinese, japanese, korean, etc. she generalizes the way they speak and mocks them, she says they're all ugly, makes comments about how they "shouldn't drive" because they "can't see" properly, etc. i've heard this all throughout my life from her and every time i've wanted to call her out but was afraid of what she'd say because all my life she's been a ticking time bomb and most of the time i'm too exhausted to deal with her constantly going on a rampage of saying cruel things and then playing the victim after it all. this time in particular however, i was watching "a silent voice" beautiful anime movie by the way, it brought me to tears. one of the scenes showing how shouko speaks aloud was on while my mom was in the room, and of course as per routine she made a stupid comment basically stating that she's surprised anyone batted an eye at how she talks given that it's supposedly "as unintelligible as any other asian." i spoke up and said "oh shit, i forgot i can't watch what i enjoy without you trying too hard to make us laugh with an unfunny racist comment." she said "excuse me?" to which i replied that i was pretty sure she heard me, and then she asked me what it was like to have a "fetish" for asian people (???) so i said "what's it like to have such a bland personality that being a racist bitch is your main trait?" she blew up and told me i had no right to speak to her that way because she was my mother. basically i shrugged and i said that i'm treating her as i would any prejudiced person. i was grounded for being "disrespectful" because apparently being racist is nothing but an opinion /s. pretty much the same hour i walked out of the house and announced that i was sleeping over at a friend's house because there's no way i was gonna serve a punishment for calling out a racist. i'm getting mixed reactions. some say i was fully in the right and didn't need to change a thing, others say while i was in the right i should've just taken the punishment because i knew what the outcome would be. aita here reddit?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (17f) mother (35f) has always been racist, and she doesn't hide it either. she makes comments about african americans being "ugly" but the race she has the most prejudice towards is anyone who is chinese, japanese, korean, etc. she generalizes the way they speak and mocks them, she says they're all ugly, makes comments about how they "shouldn't drive" because they "can't see" properly, etc. i've heard this all throughout my life from her and every time i've wanted to call her out but was afraid of what she'd say because all my life she's been a ticking time bomb and most of the time i'm too exhausted to deal with her constantly going on a rampage of saying cruel things and then playing the victim after it all. this time in particular however, i was watching "a silent voice" beautiful anime movie by the way, it brought me to tears. one of the scenes showing how shouko speaks aloud was on while my mom was in the room, and of course as per routine she made a stupid comment basically stating that she's surprised anyone batted an eye at how she talks given that it's supposedly "as unintelligible as any other asian." i spoke up and said "oh shit, i forgot i can't watch what i enjoy without you trying too hard to make us laugh with an unfunny racist comment." she said "excuse me?" to which i replied that i was pretty sure she heard me, and then she asked me what it was like to have a "fetish" for asian people (???) so i said "what's it like to have such a bland personality that being a racist bitch is your main trait?" she blew up and told me i had no right to speak to her that way because she was my mother. basically i shrugged and i said that i'm treating her as i would any prejudiced person. i was grounded for being "disrespectful" because apparently being racist is nothing but an opinion /s. pretty much the same hour i walked out of the house and announced that i was sleeping over at a friend's house because there's no way i was gonna serve a punishment for calling out a racist. i'm getting mixed reactions. some say i was fully in the right and didn't need to change a thing, others say while i was in the right i should've just taken the punishment because i knew what the outcome would be. aita here reddit? [/INST] nta. as a japanese person, i am utterly disgusted by her racism. it is also beyond me how an anime movie has anything to do with a "fetish for asian people." </s>
AITA for laughing at my mom after she and my dad insisted i tell my friend’s boyfriend to leave my house?	i (f20) moved out on my 18th birthday and never looked back. i mostly moved out due to how strict my parents were. when i say strict, i don’t mean something like home by 10pm. i mean, i wasn’t allowed to have friends older than me (even by a few months) i wasn’t allowed any guy friends. if i had a project to work on at school and got partnered with a guy, my mom would tell my teachers to make me do it alone. i was only allowed on my phone if someone (mom or dad) was there to monitor what i was doing. weekdays my bedtime was 9pm and weekends 9:30pm. i could only have sleepovers if it was at my house and all of my friends have to be questioned to make sure they were “clean” meaning, they didn’t have boyfriends, no tattoos, went to church, you get it. so you can imagine, i had literally 1 or 2 friends. by 18, i didn’t have any plans, i just packed my stuff and left. my parents weren’t happy and tried for months to get me to come home but i didn’t plan on it. anyways, i landed a damn good job and was able to get my first apartment shortly after. my friend is over at my house almost everyday with her boyfriend and we just hang out. i didnt cut out all contact with my parents but i limit it to only only special occasions. my mom wanted to have a zoom family call whatever it’s called and asked me to join. i figured what the hell i’ll join and say hi. as i’m talking to my little cousin, in the background you could see my friend’s boyfriend come into the living room area. everyone’s face kinda froze and i didn’t think much of it. my mom asked who it was and i told her and she immediately gets annoyed? she started asking why he was leaving my bedroom, which he didn’t. the bathroom is the same way towards the bedroom so i could see why it would look like he left from my room. she and my dad proceeds to ask me why i have guys at my home, why is he 21 hanging around me (i just turned 20 but yea) it was like i was 15 again my mom then insists i have him leave. at this point my friend and her boyfriend hears this and goes like wtf? i didn’t know what else to do but laugh. i said “are you out of your mind” and laughed some more. i realized they were serious and said my goodbyes and hung up. later i started getting messages that my parents are upset i laughed at them and my family says it’s in my best interest to apologize because i was being an asshole for laughing. aita for laughing? ~~~	22,720	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l3d4ja/aita_for_laughing_at_my_mom_after_she_and_my_dad/	2021-01-23 14:35:35	nta. you're an adult living in your own house, you can have whoever you like visiting. your parents have some serious issues.	nta some people might say it's disrespectful to laugh at your parents demanding something, but context is key here. you've had enough, you're old enough, and you're out on your own. you're not under their roof so they don't get to keep policing who is allowed in and out of your house. however since now you know your parents will likely pull stunts like this in the future, it's best to be ready to deal with that if you keep contact with them. by all means i think you're right to do whatever you want now, but be prepared for the conflict that keeping them involved in your life will bring.	nta. i would laugh at your family that told you to apologize too. keep laughing until they all realize they sound like one big joke.	nta tbh, i laughed a little while reading this. obviously, your parents did not get the hint that they did something wrong when you left the house as early as you could. maybe they will get the hint now. i am kinda curious how they will react when you get a so :-)	nta. laughing is a lot more respectful than what would probably have come out of my mouth. imo your laugh was actually a pretty emotionally healthy way to react. no guilt or shame or rage at their demand. just, you’re ridiculous. good for you.	i just had to stop myself from laughing so hard. holy shit nta. you're 20 years old and have your own apartment and your parents are still demanding you to follow their rules. honestly, no wonder you left. the fact your family are also demanding you to apologise is ridiculous. get far away from them op you do not deserve this you're an adult with your own life don't let them keep affecting you. if i was you i would cut them off completely.	nta in the least. congratulations on escaping such a warped, toxic home environment. it is great that you are trying to maintain a relationship with your parents. they don't have to approve of your lifestyle but they have to respect it. next zoom meeting turn the camera off lol.	no, nta at all. and your parents are lucky you turned out like you did. i once had a neighborhood friend who was raised like you. she was the oldest of like 5, and also was relegated to taking care of them. when she was allowed to go out, it was ‘be back at 9’ on a saturday night (she was like 16). she’d get grounded 1 week for every minute she was late. i remember one time we hung out, she drove like 80 in our neighborhood to get home on time. (eta she dropped me off at the end of her street and i had to walk home because there was no time to drop me off. but she was scared for them to know she allowed someone in the car. so it was like a rolling stop, where she didn’t even stop fully to let me get out.) i couldn’t hang with her after that because it was just too much, and she legit scared the shit out of me driving like that. the irony is, her parents’ actions put her in direct danger, which is precisely what they were supposedly trying to avoid. i heard through the grapevine she wound up getting pregnant a few mos later, moving out with her loser bf, then not working out, and her having a few more kids with a few more men. added a drug/alcohol problem in the mix, too. i blame the parents completely. anyway, i’m rambling. typically, i’m very chill and don’t usually suggest hills to die on, especially with parents. but yours seem off the wall with how they treat you, and i would not apologize for this. ever.	absolutely nta. do not apologise, because then they'll think they can start to dictate what you do in your own home. simply let them know that unless they wanna pay all the rent, it's your home and your rules and they should respect that. they probably won't, but if they get arsey then just say you'll be limiting your contact with them even further until they're prepared to treat you like the adult you are and apologise for trying to dictate the rules in your house.	nta it's absolutely hilarious that they think they can tell you, an adult what she can and can't or should do in her own damn apartment. it's either laughing or getting angry at their insane request.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f20) moved out on my 18th birthday and never looked back. i mostly moved out due to how strict my parents were. when i say strict, i don’t mean something like home by 10pm. i mean, i wasn’t allowed to have friends older than me (even by a few months) i wasn’t allowed any guy friends. if i had a project to work on at school and got partnered with a guy, my mom would tell my teachers to make me do it alone. i was only allowed on my phone if someone (mom or dad) was there to monitor what i was doing. weekdays my bedtime was 9pm and weekends 9:30pm. i could only have sleepovers if it was at my house and all of my friends have to be questioned to make sure they were “clean” meaning, they didn’t have boyfriends, no tattoos, went to church, you get it. so you can imagine, i had literally 1 or 2 friends. by 18, i didn’t have any plans, i just packed my stuff and left. my parents weren’t happy and tried for months to get me to come home but i didn’t plan on it. anyways, i landed a damn good job and was able to get my first apartment shortly after. my friend is over at my house almost everyday with her boyfriend and we just hang out. i didnt cut out all contact with my parents but i limit it to only only special occasions. my mom wanted to have a zoom family call whatever it’s called and asked me to join. i figured what the hell i’ll join and say hi. as i’m talking to my little cousin, in the background you could see my friend’s boyfriend come into the living room area. everyone’s face kinda froze and i didn’t think much of it. my mom asked who it was and i told her and she immediately gets annoyed? she started asking why he was leaving my bedroom, which he didn’t. the bathroom is the same way towards the bedroom so i could see why it would look like he left from my room. she and my dad proceeds to ask me why i have guys at my home, why is he 21 hanging around me (i just turned 20 but yea) it was like i was 15 again my mom then insists i have him leave. at this point my friend and her boyfriend hears this and goes like wtf? i didn’t know what else to do but laugh. i said “are you out of your mind” and laughed some more. i realized they were serious and said my goodbyes and hung up. later i started getting messages that my parents are upset i laughed at them and my family says it’s in my best interest to apologize because i was being an asshole for laughing. aita for laughing? ~~~	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (f20) moved out on my 18th birthday and never looked back. i mostly moved out due to how strict my parents were. when i say strict, i don’t mean something like home by 10pm. i mean, i wasn’t allowed to have friends older than me (even by a few months) i wasn’t allowed any guy friends. if i had a project to work on at school and got partnered with a guy, my mom would tell my teachers to make me do it alone. i was only allowed on my phone if someone (mom or dad) was there to monitor what i was doing. weekdays my bedtime was 9pm and weekends 9:30pm. i could only have sleepovers if it was at my house and all of my friends have to be questioned to make sure they were “clean” meaning, they didn’t have boyfriends, no tattoos, went to church, you get it. so you can imagine, i had literally 1 or 2 friends. by 18, i didn’t have any plans, i just packed my stuff and left. my parents weren’t happy and tried for months to get me to come home but i didn’t plan on it. anyways, i landed a damn good job and was able to get my first apartment shortly after. my friend is over at my house almost everyday with her boyfriend and we just hang out. i didnt cut out all contact with my parents but i limit it to only only special occasions. my mom wanted to have a zoom family call whatever it’s called and asked me to join. i figured what the hell i’ll join and say hi. as i’m talking to my little cousin, in the background you could see my friend’s boyfriend come into the living room area. everyone’s face kinda froze and i didn’t think much of it. my mom asked who it was and i told her and she immediately gets annoyed? she started asking why he was leaving my bedroom, which he didn’t. the bathroom is the same way towards the bedroom so i could see why it would look like he left from my room. she and my dad proceeds to ask me why i have guys at my home, why is he 21 hanging around me (i just turned 20 but yea) it was like i was 15 again my mom then insists i have him leave. at this point my friend and her boyfriend hears this and goes like wtf? i didn’t know what else to do but laugh. i said “are you out of your mind” and laughed some more. i realized they were serious and said my goodbyes and hung up. later i started getting messages that my parents are upset i laughed at them and my family says it’s in my best interest to apologize because i was being an asshole for laughing. aita for laughing? ~~~ [/INST] nta. you're an adult living in your own house, you can have whoever you like visiting. your parents have some serious issues. </s>
AITA for throwing my daughter a second birthday party after the special needs girl I asked her to invite ruined her first party?	my daughter turned 12 a few weeks ago, and for her birthday party, she wanted pizza, a double feature movie at the drive in and ending the night with a sleepover and game night. i told her she could invite 4 friends. i suggested she invite "molly", a girl who just moved to the area and is in my daughter's class. i even admitted molly's mom had told me molly was having a hard time making friends since the move. molly has cerebral palsy and some developmental and intellectual delays, but overall seemed very sweet. my daughter agreed to invite molly, but i think it was only because i asked. while molly seemed to be a a very sweet kid, she was absolutely awful at the party. she cried when we we didn't get a pizza with her favorite toppings, and then stole the first slice of cake meant for my daughter. things got worse at the movie. the first movie (cruella) was too scary for molly and she started freaking out and crying multiple times throughout the movie. i tried to calm her down, suggesting we take a walk to the snack bar during the scary parts or close her eyes, but she was inconsolable. i tried calling molly's mom a few times to pick her up, but i didn't get an answer. eventually we ended up having to leave before the second movie(black widow) , which was the movie my daughter really wanted to see. that night at our house things still got worse. molly threw a wii remote after she lost at just dance, and didn't want to play any of the games the other girls did. the next morning i called molly's parents to pick her up early. her mom apologized for molly's behavior admitting she is prone to outburst when she gets overstimulated, but she had been doing so much better lately in her the therapy. a few days later though, molly's mom told me that she can't stop talking about the party and how much fun she had. that evening, after all the other girls had left, my daughter was clearly upset about having her birthday ruined. i felt bad for asking her to invite molly, so i told her the next weekend, i would take her and her friends out for pizza and to see black widow in the theater to make it up to her, but my partner thinks this is a real jerk move, he pointed out that sometimes life isn't fair and things get ruined. he also doesn't think it's a good idea to show our daughter it's ok to exclude people who are different. any way, i'm a little torn here.	22,709	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otlxqy/aita_for_throwing_my_daughter_a_second_birthday/	2021-07-28 23:41:30	nta but molly mother knew what she was doing and was unreachable for a reason. i'm sure her daughter has difficulties with friends she all but intentionally ruined a little girls birthday.	nta. you’re not “re-doing” the birthday to exclude molly. you’re taking your daughter and friends out for pizza, and to see a movie they really want to see but molly doesn’t.	this is a tough one but nta. i think that molly isn't ready for a group setting such as a birthday party/sleepover type thing. i think it was terrible that molly's mother couldn't be reached and suspect that molly's mother already knew that her daughter behaved in this manner. she may need more therapy. it wasn't fair for your daughter to miss having such a great time for her birthday. i think it would be just fine for you to have another party for her.	>he pointed out that sometimes life isn't fair and things get ruined. he also doesn't think it's a good idea to show our daughter it's ok to exclude people who are different. if your partner is your daughter's parent, i have to question their worth at it. it is true that life isn't always fair, but it is a trash parent that uses that throwaway statement to justify their own unfair treatment of their own child. also, your daughter is not obligated to include people in her birthday for no better reason than they are different. you invited molly out of your own feeling of social obligation. you didn't do it for your daughter's sake and it ruined your daughter's party. so, you being a good parent--no, good person--wanted to be accountable for your mistake and make it right. if your partner isn't your daughter's parent, i'd really question how fit they are to live with your child and if they are a suitable partner for a parent. also, i'd cut ties with molly's mother. she knew what she was doing by being out of contact. totally unacceptable for her to do that.	nta. i don’t see how anyone thinks this is complicated. your daughter was nice enough to agree to invite a kid she barely knew who was having trouble making friends because you asked her to. that kid ruined your daughter’s birthday party. you are giving her a do-over because she deserves a better birthday than she had and, let’s face it, molly wouldn’t have been there in the first place had you not made her feel sympathetic towards her. your partner is an asshole. why are you with someone who thinks it’s ok for your daughter’s birthday to be ruined like that?	was one of the party games to seal a blood contract that henceforth, your daughter has to always invite all the girls present to whatever she's going to do in the future? no? well, in that case, your daughter is free to go out and have fun with the friends she wants to. might be one of the girls from that party, two, or completely different girls or maybe - gasp - she sometimes even wants to do something fun on her own. and yeah, life isn't fair. that's why molly got invited to one event with your daughter but not to all of them that might happen in the future. especially if it's something you all know molly wouldn't enjoy much anyway. or does your partner believe your daughter should only be allowed to watch movies and play games and eat things molly would enjoy? that's not how it works. you aren't throwing a party with a "hurray, no molly!" theme. you promised the girls to watch black widow, they didn't get to see the movie because it wasn't enjoyable for one kid that day, so now you keep your promise to the others. if it comforts your partner, assure him that there will be days, groups, events where your daughter won't be invited, be it for understandable or weird reasons. your daughter's job is to be friendly and civil around others who haven't done anything to her. if she and molly like each other (each other! mutual!) enough to chat or hang out again, good. if not, then that's that. otherwise, your partner thinks people who are different are charity cases and are entitled to pity friendships and that's disrespectful in its own way. nta	nta. you’re not throwing a second party, you’re just taking your daughter and friends out for pizza and a movie. you don’t need to invite everyone along for that.	nta. encourage your daughter to keep talking to molly though. maybe they can do things in a smaller setting or find some common ground with a craft or other activity versus a birthday party with a larger group or movies that molly isn't ready for. your kid totally deserves a do-over though! she handled this with a lot of grace.	nta. molly’s mother screwed you over. hell, she screwed molly over too. she knew her child couldn’t handle this kind of outing and wouldn’t be able to behave in a way that would allow her to make friends in that setting. she knew she’d get overstimulated, scared, and cry a lot. she knows her child. she set her up to fail. she could have chosen to go with you so that she could watch molly and take her home when she got overwhelmed. she could have declined and offered to set up a quieter event sometime to help molly make friends in a setting where she could succeed. she could have picked up the phone when you called. it was extremely irresponsible to not pick up the phone when your kid is off someplace. what if there had been an emergency? so - molly’s mom is the real ah here. as for the do-over? i think your partner is overthinking it. sure, things get ruined in life, but we regularly allow ourselves do overs when we can. hell, i had a pre-moving cross country meeting with friends recently. one brought their new boyfriend and we all hated him. no one had fun. everything was an argument. do you know what we adults did? we scheduled a do-over with just the core group that’s been meeting for years. as for exclusion - it would be unfair to molly to invite her to another outing that would make her cry and make her scared again. it’s also unfair to your daughter to decide she can’t have pizza with friends and see the movie she wants to see just because molly isn’t able to. if your daughter wants to, you can set up a quiet meeting that molly can handle. make sure her mom comes to help too.	nah. i think you've got to consider what's best for molly and what's best for your daughter. does your daughter want to maintain a friendship with molly? if she does, now you know that molly is a good friend to maybe spend time with at school or at shorter, lower-stress and lower-stakes activities. it would probably make a lot of difference to molly if your daughter did maintain a friendship, but it would be pretty brutal to start out a friendship out of guilt and then be half-hearted and drop her. i'd say sure, take your daughter and some friends for pizza and to see black widow - it's not like you're inviting them to another birthday party with a cake, etc, and just excluding molly. you're doing something that your daughter wanted to do but couldn't. as to life being unfair, look, life is going to show its unfairness to your daughter in all kinds of ways as she gets older. you will have many opportunities to let natural unfairness play out - when she has crushes that aren't reciprocated, when she's qualified for a program or a job but isn't chosen, when she notices a teacher playing favorites, when she notices that bad things do in fact happen to good people, etc. i think giving your kids good memories and as much security as you can manage is in fact good.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	0.000485	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter turned 12 a few weeks ago, and for her birthday party, she wanted pizza, a double feature movie at the drive in and ending the night with a sleepover and game night. i told her she could invite 4 friends. i suggested she invite "molly", a girl who just moved to the area and is in my daughter's class. i even admitted molly's mom had told me molly was having a hard time making friends since the move. molly has cerebral palsy and some developmental and intellectual delays, but overall seemed very sweet. my daughter agreed to invite molly, but i think it was only because i asked. while molly seemed to be a a very sweet kid, she was absolutely awful at the party. she cried when we we didn't get a pizza with her favorite toppings, and then stole the first slice of cake meant for my daughter. things got worse at the movie. the first movie (cruella) was too scary for molly and she started freaking out and crying multiple times throughout the movie. i tried to calm her down, suggesting we take a walk to the snack bar during the scary parts or close her eyes, but she was inconsolable. i tried calling molly's mom a few times to pick her up, but i didn't get an answer. eventually we ended up having to leave before the second movie(black widow) , which was the movie my daughter really wanted to see. that night at our house things still got worse. molly threw a wii remote after she lost at just dance, and didn't want to play any of the games the other girls did. the next morning i called molly's parents to pick her up early. her mom apologized for molly's behavior admitting she is prone to outburst when she gets overstimulated, but she had been doing so much better lately in her the therapy. a few days later though, molly's mom told me that she can't stop talking about the party and how much fun she had. that evening, after all the other girls had left, my daughter was clearly upset about having her birthday ruined. i felt bad for asking her to invite molly, so i told her the next weekend, i would take her and her friends out for pizza and to see black widow in the theater to make it up to her, but my partner thinks this is a real jerk move, he pointed out that sometimes life isn't fair and things get ruined. he also doesn't think it's a good idea to show our daughter it's ok to exclude people who are different. any way, i'm a little torn here.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my daughter turned 12 a few weeks ago, and for her birthday party, she wanted pizza, a double feature movie at the drive in and ending the night with a sleepover and game night. i told her she could invite 4 friends. i suggested she invite "molly", a girl who just moved to the area and is in my daughter's class. i even admitted molly's mom had told me molly was having a hard time making friends since the move. molly has cerebral palsy and some developmental and intellectual delays, but overall seemed very sweet. my daughter agreed to invite molly, but i think it was only because i asked. while molly seemed to be a a very sweet kid, she was absolutely awful at the party. she cried when we we didn't get a pizza with her favorite toppings, and then stole the first slice of cake meant for my daughter. things got worse at the movie. the first movie (cruella) was too scary for molly and she started freaking out and crying multiple times throughout the movie. i tried to calm her down, suggesting we take a walk to the snack bar during the scary parts or close her eyes, but she was inconsolable. i tried calling molly's mom a few times to pick her up, but i didn't get an answer. eventually we ended up having to leave before the second movie(black widow) , which was the movie my daughter really wanted to see. that night at our house things still got worse. molly threw a wii remote after she lost at just dance, and didn't want to play any of the games the other girls did. the next morning i called molly's parents to pick her up early. her mom apologized for molly's behavior admitting she is prone to outburst when she gets overstimulated, but she had been doing so much better lately in her the therapy. a few days later though, molly's mom told me that she can't stop talking about the party and how much fun she had. that evening, after all the other girls had left, my daughter was clearly upset about having her birthday ruined. i felt bad for asking her to invite molly, so i told her the next weekend, i would take her and her friends out for pizza and to see black widow in the theater to make it up to her, but my partner thinks this is a real jerk move, he pointed out that sometimes life isn't fair and things get ruined. he also doesn't think it's a good idea to show our daughter it's ok to exclude people who are different. any way, i'm a little torn here. [/INST] nta but molly mother knew what she was doing and was unreachable for a reason. i'm sure her daughter has difficulties with friends she all but intentionally ruined a little girls birthday. </s>
AITA for saying "I dunno man, lesbians."?	my big sister is my best friend in the entire world. she's literally the coolest, funniest, most fun person i've ever known and she's always been my hero. she's also a lesbian. she's currently engaged to a really really cool lady who i love almost as much as my sister. the wedding is going to be happening in december (lockdown rules dependent of course). they've sent out all the invites and stuff. one of my sister's bridesmaids is her current fiancé's ex. they're all friends and quite close so it's not weird for them at all. my sister often makes jokes about how all lesbians know each other and how lesbian relationships tend to work. for example; my girlfriend and i were together a year before we moved in together, and my sister joked that "that's like a decade in lesbian years". my girlfriend asked me about the ex being in the wedding party and why they chose to do so cause it seemed like it would be awkward. i said it isn't for them and she asked why. i just shrugged and said "i don't know man, lesbians." my girlfriend got pretty mad at me and said that was homophobic and playing into stereotypes and i shouldn't have said it. my sister laughed when i told her but idk, the things my gf said are sticking with me and making me feel pretty bad. what do you lot think?	22,708	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ighqd2/aita_for_saying_i_dunno_man_lesbians/	2020-08-25 18:15:59	nta and you’re not wrong! the number of ex’es included in queer wedding parties is rather epic. ;)	nta lmao as a gay its true, we move pretty quick. its rlly not offensive.	nta. maybe tell your gf that your sister, ya know the actual lesbian, the actual homosexual here, found it funny. and if your gf is straight you need to tell her not to speak for them, really its how your sister feels. maybe even have your sister tell your gf that she was okay and laughed?? idk just a thought	nta - especially when said basically in jest to a trusted one. you’re clearly not homophobic. btw everything your sister said is so true! my cousin met her girlfriend moved in and we’re married in about 6 months, they say it’s just a lesbian thing too.	i'm probably going to get downvoted to hell for this, but i'm going to say nah. when you make jokes about a group you are not a part of, there is a lot to consider. first off, it would be very easy for anyone who heard the comment and didn't have the details of your close, supportive relationship with your sister would not be wrong to be offended. and even if you are a great supportive sibling all of the time and your sister is completely comfortable with you making these kinds of jokes, it can still be harmful by reinforcing stereotypes to people outside of the community. you're not wrong that making a joke about your sister's sexuality in a safe environment of only supportive people is probably okay, and your girlfriend is not wrong that those types of jokes are potentially harmful and should be treated very cautiously.	nta, but this is kinda one of those "nobody picks on my brother but me" situations, where if you're not part of the specific group, you should be a bit more aware of what you do/say.	nta, the important thing here is that it wasn’t a negative stereotype — just a commonly held view of how lesbians often differ from straight women (including within the lesbian and lgbt community!).	hahahaha nope nta. real-life lesbian here and the second i read that there was an ex in the bridal party, before i even got to the issue you’re asking about, i laughed to myself and thought “lol, lesbians.” having an ex in your bridal party is such a lesbian thing to do. your gf’s heart is in the right place but she’s wrong on this one.	nta. considering you are simply repeating the words your sister says about her own situation to someone with whom you are close who presumably knows your sister - and your sister found it funny - this is a mute situation and your girlfriend need not be offended on behalf of a community she does not represent. you shouldn’t go around saying it about anyone to anyone, though you don’t seem to be the kind to do that. i say this as someone who is aromatic asexual so not a lesbian but i make lesbian jokes to my lesbian friends and they made aro/ace jokes at me.	your girlfriend can’t decide to be offended on your sisters behalf lol. nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my big sister is my best friend in the entire world. she's literally the coolest, funniest, most fun person i've ever known and she's always been my hero. she's also a lesbian. she's currently engaged to a really really cool lady who i love almost as much as my sister. the wedding is going to be happening in december (lockdown rules dependent of course). they've sent out all the invites and stuff. one of my sister's bridesmaids is her current fiancé's ex. they're all friends and quite close so it's not weird for them at all. my sister often makes jokes about how all lesbians know each other and how lesbian relationships tend to work. for example; my girlfriend and i were together a year before we moved in together, and my sister joked that "that's like a decade in lesbian years". my girlfriend asked me about the ex being in the wedding party and why they chose to do so cause it seemed like it would be awkward. i said it isn't for them and she asked why. i just shrugged and said "i don't know man, lesbians." my girlfriend got pretty mad at me and said that was homophobic and playing into stereotypes and i shouldn't have said it. my sister laughed when i told her but idk, the things my gf said are sticking with me and making me feel pretty bad. what do you lot think?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my big sister is my best friend in the entire world. she's literally the coolest, funniest, most fun person i've ever known and she's always been my hero. she's also a lesbian. she's currently engaged to a really really cool lady who i love almost as much as my sister. the wedding is going to be happening in december (lockdown rules dependent of course). they've sent out all the invites and stuff. one of my sister's bridesmaids is her current fiancé's ex. they're all friends and quite close so it's not weird for them at all. my sister often makes jokes about how all lesbians know each other and how lesbian relationships tend to work. for example; my girlfriend and i were together a year before we moved in together, and my sister joked that "that's like a decade in lesbian years". my girlfriend asked me about the ex being in the wedding party and why they chose to do so cause it seemed like it would be awkward. i said it isn't for them and she asked why. i just shrugged and said "i don't know man, lesbians." my girlfriend got pretty mad at me and said that was homophobic and playing into stereotypes and i shouldn't have said it. my sister laughed when i told her but idk, the things my gf said are sticking with me and making me feel pretty bad. what do you lot think? [/INST] nta and you’re not wrong! the number of ex’es included in queer wedding parties is rather epic. ;) </s>
AITA friend is always late so we give her a earlier time, she actually showed up on time and is pissed	our friend isabel is usually 1-2 hours late to anything we do because she unorganized and spends an excessive amount if time getting ready which she tries to do last minute. we got sick of waiting 1-2 hours every time we go out so wed started telling her to show up at 4 when we are actually meeting at 5:30. we did this like 3 times and she was usually like 10 minutes late still. well here's the problem, we were meeting up last night, we told her 6:30 last night and we were actually meeting at around 7:45. she showed up 25 minutes early and is fucjing pissed that we did this, she found out we gave her wrong times intentionally. she says were assholes and she felt betrayed. i told her it's her own fault for being hours late consistently and it was the only way to get her on time	22,694	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j08k0n/aita_friend_is_always_late_so_we_give_her_a/	2020-09-26 15:59:30	nta. being chronically late is a sign of selfishness and of not valuing or respecting other people and their time. if she was late because she was caring for a family member or work runs her ragged or she had some medical disorder than randomly required treatment, then you would be the ah to some degree, but this girl is doing her makeup and hair or whatever and just doesn't care. unless her makeup takes a long time because she 's still learning how she wants to cover a recent scar or something... she is just being selfish. tell her the real time going forward and stop waiting for her.	here's something you and your friends can try to get her to be on time and to also respect you. the next time your group gets together, give her the real time. if she doesn't show up after an hour, go somewhere else. if she calls you up and birches at you for not waiting, tell her that everyone else arrived on time, y'all got bored with the place and went somewhere else. let her know that if she arrived on time, you would not be having this conversation.	nta. so you’ve spent hours waiting for her, she had to wait 25 minutes once, and she’s mad???? lol. super self-centered and entitled.	nta. if one of my friends was so consistently late they would stop getting invites. she should consider herself lucky that you continue to make time for her.	lol, now she knows how you guys feel. nta.	lol used to do this to a friend of mine nta she should be grateful yall still invite her out	my sister did this our entire lives until we disinvited her as she was 15 minutues into driving 30 miles (in la traffic) to meet us. we disinvited her because we figured out that she left maybe 15 minutes after she was scheduled to meet us and would have been more than an hour late. we were taking our toddlers to legoland and had timed it so they were in between naptimes and could enjoy as much of the 4-hour window of time we had. her extreme tardiness runed so many family excursions over the years. she was never late again but every time we discussed what time events started, she would passive-aggressively say things like, “you know how picky you are about time.”	nta. this isn't the first time you gave her a different time and she still has been late to things even with the adjusted time frame. it's extremely rude and inconsiderate to make people wait around for you for that long and that consistently. she's the asshole in this situation and she needs to make it her priority to show up on time if she doesn't want to be left behind.	nta. she is aware you have consistently had to wait hours for her, and she has the gall to be pissed about waiting 25 minutes once? i would make it clear that you will continue giving her the wrong time until she shapes up.	nta. you adapted to her, she can’t get pissed for her own behaviour.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: our friend isabel is usually 1-2 hours late to anything we do because she unorganized and spends an excessive amount if time getting ready which she tries to do last minute. we got sick of waiting 1-2 hours every time we go out so wed started telling her to show up at 4 when we are actually meeting at 5:30. we did this like 3 times and she was usually like 10 minutes late still. well here's the problem, we were meeting up last night, we told her 6:30 last night and we were actually meeting at around 7:45. she showed up 25 minutes early and is fucjing pissed that we did this, she found out we gave her wrong times intentionally. she says were assholes and she felt betrayed. i told her it's her own fault for being hours late consistently and it was the only way to get her on time	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> our friend isabel is usually 1-2 hours late to anything we do because she unorganized and spends an excessive amount if time getting ready which she tries to do last minute. we got sick of waiting 1-2 hours every time we go out so wed started telling her to show up at 4 when we are actually meeting at 5:30. we did this like 3 times and she was usually like 10 minutes late still. well here's the problem, we were meeting up last night, we told her 6:30 last night and we were actually meeting at around 7:45. she showed up 25 minutes early and is fucjing pissed that we did this, she found out we gave her wrong times intentionally. she says were assholes and she felt betrayed. i told her it's her own fault for being hours late consistently and it was the only way to get her on time [/INST] nta. being chronically late is a sign of selfishness and of not valuing or respecting other people and their time. if she was late because she was caring for a family member or work runs her ragged or she had some medical disorder than randomly required treatment, then you would be the ah to some degree, but this girl is doing her makeup and hair or whatever and just doesn't care. unless her makeup takes a long time because she 's still learning how she wants to cover a recent scar or something... she is just being selfish. tell her the real time going forward and stop waiting for her. </s>

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