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AITA for refusing to visit my dad after my room was converted to an office/bedroom?	i used to visit my dad most weekends and all of summer. he recently got remarried to someone i actually have a decent relationship with. i also have two stepbrothers who are younger and who i don't really interact with. my dad has a four bedroom house. so all the kids have a bedroom. when i went to visit last month, i was "surprised" with a renovated room. and by renovated i mean it was converted to an office with a couch that pulls out to a bed. it did look nice i suppose. apparently my stepmother works from home and needed an office. i didn't cry or throw a tantrum. i slept in the room that weekend and have refused to stay the night since. i was really hurt and felt like i didn't matter. my mom tried to convince me to go back but gave up after i told her i was old enough to decide. my dad is stressing out and has apologized and said he'll change the room back but honestly, i'm done. this was the final thing that sealed the deal for me. i told him that as well. i told him i'll come for day visits and we can have dinners but i won't be staying overnight anymore. was i the asshole? he did cry and i feel really shitty about it.	30,265	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e52dls/aita_for_refusing_to_visit_my_dad_after_my_room/	2019-12-02 17:34:45	nta. this is why one has to be so careful when blending families. to go from having a room to being made to feel like a guest hurts. there should have been some conversation before any renovations happened. give your dad a chance though. he knows he messed up and does want to fix it	nta i don’t understand how at 15 years old you’re expected to be okay with a pullout couch when you stay with your dad 3/4 weekends a month and all summer.... like damn.	nta i can’t believe they tried to sell taking away your bed and giving you a pull out couch as a positive “surprise.” if there is anything your dad can do that would make you feel welcome and want to stay there again, it would be nice of you to share that with him, but you don’t have to.	[removed]	nta this is classic 'let me make a second family because i fucked up my first one and pretend everything is business as usual' bs... also a lot of custody agreements require the child to have their own bedroom and at 15 you're still a child.	info: how old are you?	nta, how did stepmom and dad think it was going to work out when you are there half the time. had they talked to you prior and came up with a solution it would be different. they effectively kicked you out, and are treating you like a guest and not part of the family.	oh hell to the no. nta you deserve your own room just as much as anyone else. even if you arent there all the time. and your stepmom can go shove it. she can have an office in her bedroom or convert some other part of the house.	nta. you shouldn't be made to feel like a guest at your dad's house. that's your house, too, even if you don't live there full time. when it comes to custody agreements, you should have a dedicated bedroom in both homes. it's messed up and your dad should absolutely change it back. your stepmother's need for an office doesn't supercede your need for a private space. what were they going to do when you were living there all summer???	nta. you're only fourteen, but you handled this with more tact and patience than most adults have. your father and stepmother didn't deserve that, but i want to personally commend you on your restraint. your pain is justified. though your father seems to have expressed ~~genuine~~ remorse and has promised to give you a room in his house again, there's no simple way to repair the damage he's done to your relationship. taking away your room ostracized you from a family unit you may already feel it's difficult to fit into, and ultimately conveyed priority for his other family over you. your wording also makes me believe this isn't the first instance in which he's acted without your best interest in mind. in the meantime, i would express thankfulness to your mother for caring so much about your relationship with your father, but ask that you be given the freedom to decide how, and if, you want him involved in your life. deciding to keep him at arms length and keeping your expectations low is a fair response to his careless and thoughtless actions until he's committed to your relationship with him. i'm sorry you had to be the adult in that situation.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i used to visit my dad most weekends and all of summer. he recently got remarried to someone i actually have a decent relationship with. i also have two stepbrothers who are younger and who i don't really interact with. my dad has a four bedroom house. so all the kids have a bedroom. when i went to visit last month, i was "surprised" with a renovated room. and by renovated i mean it was converted to an office with a couch that pulls out to a bed. it did look nice i suppose. apparently my stepmother works from home and needed an office. i didn't cry or throw a tantrum. i slept in the room that weekend and have refused to stay the night since. i was really hurt and felt like i didn't matter. my mom tried to convince me to go back but gave up after i told her i was old enough to decide. my dad is stressing out and has apologized and said he'll change the room back but honestly, i'm done. this was the final thing that sealed the deal for me. i told him that as well. i told him i'll come for day visits and we can have dinners but i won't be staying overnight anymore. was i the asshole? he did cry and i feel really shitty about it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i used to visit my dad most weekends and all of summer. he recently got remarried to someone i actually have a decent relationship with. i also have two stepbrothers who are younger and who i don't really interact with. my dad has a four bedroom house. so all the kids have a bedroom. when i went to visit last month, i was "surprised" with a renovated room. and by renovated i mean it was converted to an office with a couch that pulls out to a bed. it did look nice i suppose. apparently my stepmother works from home and needed an office. i didn't cry or throw a tantrum. i slept in the room that weekend and have refused to stay the night since. i was really hurt and felt like i didn't matter. my mom tried to convince me to go back but gave up after i told her i was old enough to decide. my dad is stressing out and has apologized and said he'll change the room back but honestly, i'm done. this was the final thing that sealed the deal for me. i told him that as well. i told him i'll come for day visits and we can have dinners but i won't be staying overnight anymore. was i the asshole? he did cry and i feel really shitty about it. [/INST] nta. this is why one has to be so careful when blending families. to go from having a room to being made to feel like a guest hurts. there should have been some conversation before any renovations happened. give your dad a chance though. he knows he messed up and does want to fix it </s>
AITA for not asking my MIL nicely to hand over the baby for feeding?	hi. i'm a new mom, had my son 5 weeks ago. my husband's parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming. mil has a habit of taking the baby and refusing to give him back to me. she'd say i'm deliberately ruining her time with him. my son needs feeding every 2hrs and she basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so i could feed. last night at 10pm. mil had my son in her arms while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad. i was exhausted, the baby started crying. i told my mil to hand him over to me so i could feed him. she refused and i kept asking. my husband starts talking about what a whinny little girl i was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how i'm using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom. i ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby. she refused and said i needed to wait a little longer. i got angry at this point, my husband said i could take the baby after i ask his mom nicely. this had me seething i meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand him over to me. she looked at me shocked and hurt. she handed the baby over and ran into the guest room and my husband gave me a look than followed her and stayed inside to comfort her. he came into the room while i was feeding my son and started yelling about how disrespectful i was to speak to his mom this way and treat her poorly when all she's doing is showing our son more love than i do. i told him about how she's been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly. he said that 1, our son isn't an object for me to act like i own him and 2, his mom was doing nothing wrong and 3, i should've asked nicely instead of being a bi$ch to his mom and making her cry. i started crying and yelled that i'd go to my mom's place if his parents stay any longer and he yelled back saying "shut the fuck up, you're only acting up cause you don't want my parents around! fuck's wrong with you?" then walked out. i felt terrible thinking maybe i was rude to his mom but i also think that i'd hit my limits here. aita for not asking her nicely like my husband wanted? edit; some mistakes because my hands are a bit unsteady.	30,253	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/soo55j/aita_for_not_asking_my_mil_nicely_to_hand_over/	2022-02-09 21:14:12	nta. pack your gear and take baby to your parents. re think your relationship as well, who the hell speaks to their wife like that especially after having baby. protect your mental/physical health at all cost.	nta at all and i’m very alarmed at your husband calling you a whiney little girl for trying to feed your child. and then attempting to prevent him from being fed even when he was crying until you asked his mother nicely for permission to feed your own child. you seriously need to evaluate if this is a safe environment for your child to be raised in.	>i started crying and yelled that i'd go to my mom's place #do this now. you are under such stress both emotionally and physically, i think having an actual loving, supportive environment is the best thing for both you and your child. take your child, go to your mom, and actually see how you're supposed to be treated by someone who actually loves you. your husband is an abusive asshole. please, for the sake of your child, don't let that become the norm of their life. nta	“showing your son more love than you do” well maybe because the monster in law is hogging the baby. she’s doing more harm than good and obviously doesn’t love that baby as much as he thinks if she can sit there and hear them cry because they’re hungry. nta but please get out before anything happens, they sound super toxic. i hope all goes well, stay safe op 💕	nta. pack up and take your baby to your moms. oh and file for divorce cause this guy is a straight up abuser. yikes.	divorce him.	nta. find a safe place to get away. can you go to your parents' house?	nta. wtf is wrong with your husband?	nta, head over to r/justnomil your husband should be on your side and not his mother's. if it were me i would go and stay with family or friends until your mil has gone and your husband wakes up to what he is doing to you.	nta….please please please take that baby and go to your moms. the way your husband spoke to you and failed to have your back is in no way an acceptable way for him to behave.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi. i'm a new mom, had my son 5 weeks ago. my husband's parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming. mil has a habit of taking the baby and refusing to give him back to me. she'd say i'm deliberately ruining her time with him. my son needs feeding every 2hrs and she basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so i could feed. last night at 10pm. mil had my son in her arms while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad. i was exhausted, the baby started crying. i told my mil to hand him over to me so i could feed him. she refused and i kept asking. my husband starts talking about what a whinny little girl i was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how i'm using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom. i ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby. she refused and said i needed to wait a little longer. i got angry at this point, my husband said i could take the baby after i ask his mom nicely. this had me seething i meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand him over to me. she looked at me shocked and hurt. she handed the baby over and ran into the guest room and my husband gave me a look than followed her and stayed inside to comfort her. he came into the room while i was feeding my son and started yelling about how disrespectful i was to speak to his mom this way and treat her poorly when all she's doing is showing our son more love than i do. i told him about how she's been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly. he said that 1, our son isn't an object for me to act like i own him and 2, his mom was doing nothing wrong and 3, i should've asked nicely instead of being a bi$ch to his mom and making her cry. i started crying and yelled that i'd go to my mom's place if his parents stay any longer and he yelled back saying "shut the fuck up, you're only acting up cause you don't want my parents around! fuck's wrong with you?" then walked out. i felt terrible thinking maybe i was rude to his mom but i also think that i'd hit my limits here. aita for not asking her nicely like my husband wanted? edit; some mistakes because my hands are a bit unsteady.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hi. i'm a new mom, had my son 5 weeks ago. my husband's parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming. mil has a habit of taking the baby and refusing to give him back to me. she'd say i'm deliberately ruining her time with him. my son needs feeding every 2hrs and she basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so i could feed. last night at 10pm. mil had my son in her arms while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad. i was exhausted, the baby started crying. i told my mil to hand him over to me so i could feed him. she refused and i kept asking. my husband starts talking about what a whinny little girl i was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how i'm using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom. i ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby. she refused and said i needed to wait a little longer. i got angry at this point, my husband said i could take the baby after i ask his mom nicely. this had me seething i meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand him over to me. she looked at me shocked and hurt. she handed the baby over and ran into the guest room and my husband gave me a look than followed her and stayed inside to comfort her. he came into the room while i was feeding my son and started yelling about how disrespectful i was to speak to his mom this way and treat her poorly when all she's doing is showing our son more love than i do. i told him about how she's been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly. he said that 1, our son isn't an object for me to act like i own him and 2, his mom was doing nothing wrong and 3, i should've asked nicely instead of being a bi$ch to his mom and making her cry. i started crying and yelled that i'd go to my mom's place if his parents stay any longer and he yelled back saying "shut the fuck up, you're only acting up cause you don't want my parents around! fuck's wrong with you?" then walked out. i felt terrible thinking maybe i was rude to his mom but i also think that i'd hit my limits here. aita for not asking her nicely like my husband wanted? edit; some mistakes because my hands are a bit unsteady. [/INST] nta. pack your gear and take baby to your parents. re think your relationship as well, who the hell speaks to their wife like that especially after having baby. protect your mental/physical health at all cost. </s>
AITA for laughing in my brother and SIL’s faces when they demanded to use my credit card?	so i am 22f. i don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as i still live at home as i’m at university. i do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, i pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff i want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as i can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. currently, i am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if i pass decently, i can use some of my savings towards getting a car. i’m in my final year of uni so i’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens. i also decided to get a credit card so i can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. my credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. i should point out that at most i only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and i paid it off quickly. i do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as i’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt. the only people i disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and sil (both 28.) she happened to overhear us talking one day and before i knew it, my brother and sil got wind and asked me if they could use it. they both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since i basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” i told them quite politely that i was really uncomfortable with that idea and that i would owe the money and i can’t magic up that kind of money. things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. they were nice to start with but basically started demanding i let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. i got really angry and when my brother said i owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, i laughed in their faces and walked out. when i came home, i learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. my mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and sil. the only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos i’m young and they think i’m vulnerable. my brother, sil and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. it’s really messing with my head and i just want everyone to stop being in an argument. aita?	30,181	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j7b7ew/aita_for_laughing_in_my_brother_and_sils_faces/	2020-10-08 11:16:22	nta. do not let them bully you into committing fraud. the only people to blame for their debts are themselves and if you let them use your card, they’ll rack up further debt. they won’t be liable as it’ll be under your name they’ve stacked up the costs so you’ll be the one out of pocket and that’ll damage your credit score even further. i think having a set limit is really mature and the smart thing to do. do not give in for the love of god just because you’re young and don’t know much about credit and finance. your dad is right. they’re trying to take advantage of you.	nta - your family are being incredibly manipulative. this isn’t free money and they are trying to saddle you with debt.	definitely nta. it's just like your dad said. they are trying to manipulate and use you. you owe them nothing. if they want payment for babysitting you then they need to get that money from your mom and dad. which your dad is made clear won't happen. they're trying to use your credit and/or credit card and stick you with the bill. you already pointed out they can't manage their own finances and are already in debt. stay away from these people.	nta sheesh. hide the card, and keep an eye on your credit score just in case they decide to open a new card with your ssn (assuming they have access to that)	what drugs are they on, bc credit cards aren’t “free money,” you have to pay back the money later on! no wonder they have credit card debt. nta. never lend out your credit card. you might charge shared expenses to your credit card to accrue credit, but make sure to demand the other party pays you back within a certain timeline or if they are charging another shared expense to their credit card to offset the “loan.” but don’t give out your credit card number and cvc, ever.	nta your father is right. it’s ugly when family take advantage of family. go and hug your father for protecting you.	nta. what in the hell level of entitlement is this? they are insane. the credit card is yours. they are not now, nor ever will be, entitled to use it.	[deleted]	nta, and look into locking your credit card. pretty much every card i've ever had has a lock option in the app, so it can't be used unless you go into the app and unlock it. that way if they find a way to steal your card you won't have to fight with the credit card company to get your money back, and you can use it for whatever small purchases you want by going into the app right before-hand and unlocking it long enough to put the charge on your card and locking it again.	nta. if your mother feels so strongly about this tell her to lead by example. after all, they did babysit you when you were young! they are trying to steal from you. clear and simple. if they cannot pay off their own debts no way they'll be good to paying you back. your mother very much seems like an enabler. taking on more debt is the least thing they need. you're doing exactly the right thing by both living within your means and keeping them from taking you down with them.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i am 22f. i don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as i still live at home as i’m at university. i do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, i pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff i want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as i can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. currently, i am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if i pass decently, i can use some of my savings towards getting a car. i’m in my final year of uni so i’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens. i also decided to get a credit card so i can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. my credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. i should point out that at most i only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and i paid it off quickly. i do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as i’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt. the only people i disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and sil (both 28.) she happened to overhear us talking one day and before i knew it, my brother and sil got wind and asked me if they could use it. they both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since i basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” i told them quite politely that i was really uncomfortable with that idea and that i would owe the money and i can’t magic up that kind of money. things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. they were nice to start with but basically started demanding i let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. i got really angry and when my brother said i owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, i laughed in their faces and walked out. when i came home, i learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. my mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and sil. the only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos i’m young and they think i’m vulnerable. my brother, sil and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. it’s really messing with my head and i just want everyone to stop being in an argument. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i am 22f. i don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as i still live at home as i’m at university. i do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, i pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff i want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as i can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. currently, i am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if i pass decently, i can use some of my savings towards getting a car. i’m in my final year of uni so i’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens. i also decided to get a credit card so i can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. my credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. i should point out that at most i only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and i paid it off quickly. i do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as i’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt. the only people i disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and sil (both 28.) she happened to overhear us talking one day and before i knew it, my brother and sil got wind and asked me if they could use it. they both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since i basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” i told them quite politely that i was really uncomfortable with that idea and that i would owe the money and i can’t magic up that kind of money. things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. they were nice to start with but basically started demanding i let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. i got really angry and when my brother said i owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, i laughed in their faces and walked out. when i came home, i learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. my mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and sil. the only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos i’m young and they think i’m vulnerable. my brother, sil and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. it’s really messing with my head and i just want everyone to stop being in an argument. aita? [/INST] nta. do not let them bully you into committing fraud. the only people to blame for their debts are themselves and if you let them use your card, they’ll rack up further debt. they won’t be liable as it’ll be under your name they’ve stacked up the costs so you’ll be the one out of pocket and that’ll damage your credit score even further. i think having a set limit is really mature and the smart thing to do. do not give in for the love of god just because you’re young and don’t know much about credit and finance. your dad is right. they’re trying to take advantage of you. </s>
AITA for not sharing medical history before being pranked?	heyo, i'm a schizophrenic. started when i was 22, and will last till i die. i'm active in schizophrenic communities, go to groups, the works but i am fairly private about it to most people to include friends. it's fairly common for people to think i'm eccentric (comes with the turf) due to some of my habits. those habits include not going to parties or other places with lots of people, suddenly deciding not to do something (i have to be protective not to do or go to certain things if i think a delusion might be coming on), saying the occasional odd quip, normal schizophrenic stuff. some friends thought it would be funny to make it seem like i might be going crazy as a group. they would individually wear something silly like a wizard hat or dinosaur costume (trex blow up costume) to a group event or say something totally out of the ordinary and pretend like it was normal (police like to track people like you, covid is just a way to microchip you, etc). these are very real scary thoughts to me. i would ask members of the group if they had heard concerns about these conspiracies or weird garb from the other members, but they all acted like they had hung out with that particular member that day and i hadn't been involved. i was really, really scared that this could have been a massive delusion morphing into a full psychosis so i preemptively checked myself into a hospital to stop myself from potentially hurting myself or diving further into the rabbit hole(common in schizophrenic community). i was so scared my medications stopped working. no one heard from me for a few days while i was in the hospital, and when i checked out i confided in one of them about what had happened. i got a really long apology explaining what had happened and i blew up at them. i have ignored attempts from the others trying to apologize and have no desire to talk with them again. aita for not previously stating that i am schizophrenic?	30,130	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gflupe/aita_for_not_sharing_medical_history_before_being/	2020-05-08 03:52:21	nta - even if you didn't disclose your medical history, they knew enough that saying those things would fuck with you. if a "prank" doesn't leave both parties laughing, it isn't a prank, it's bullying.	nta. schizophrenia or not, this wasn’t a harmless prank - this was disrespectful and manipulative bullshit that good friends don’t pull on each other.	oh honey, this breaks my heart. my partner is schizophrenic and it's hard enough on it's own without some group of ah's *deciding it would be fun to collectively gaslight you.* please go with your gut and never talk to these ah's again. as far as whether not telling them ahead of time makes you an ah, maybe in some alternate reality where schizophrenia-stigma didn't exist. also, i have never even heard of a group of "friends" doing this particular "prank" en masse, so i don't know how you could have anticipated this happening--because for the most part, this doesn't happen. i'm proud of you for going to the hospital when you felt you needed to, that's a hard thing to do. a lot of people look back at the friends they had at your age and can't believe they ever put up with such an immature pack of ah's. you'll meet better people, and hopefully some of your ex-friends will learn a lesson and become better friends in their futures.	nta. that’s a cruel prank whether you’re schizophrenic or not. i’d never talk to them again.	nta, your medical history is your own private information. you don’t owe it to anyone. they could, at the very least, tell that you had anxiety about things, and it was wrong of them to try to “mess” with you - especially once they could tell you were starting to get really upset, anxious, and confused. time for some new friends.	it seems like your “friends” actually suspected that you may have been affected by this disorder and completely fucked with you because of it. they are all assholes. not you.	nta oh, that’s not okay. for awhile, i had a really bad eating disorder. i still consider myself in recovery, but i can be triggered by certain foods. i had two friends who thought it was funny to tell me i was eating way too much, that my portions were huge, give me a tiny plate so it look like i was eating way more than i was… then they would say things like how are you still hungry, you ate so much. they thought it was funny, they were shit people. people who think it’s funny to use your mental problems against you or not people you deserve in your life. you deserve to have people who take your mental health seriously, who are compassionate and kind or at least apologetic if they manage to do something wrong. not everyone is going to know how to handle schizophrenia or be willing to take on the responsibility of being a good friend… but if they’re not willing to do that, then i would rather be alone personally. i would rather have zero friends then shitty friends that make my life hell.	nta, you deserve better friends	what in the everliving fuck. regardless of whether or not they knew you are schizoprenic, this is cruel. nta.	nta your friends are horrible, horrible people and i bet some part of you knew instinctively, subconsciously, that you couldn't trust them with anything personal. that's not a funny prank. the funny version of that is "let's all show up to dave's barbecue in dumb hats." that's incredibly cruel and vicious, and they cost you several days of your life and maybe even a lot of money.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: heyo, i'm a schizophrenic. started when i was 22, and will last till i die. i'm active in schizophrenic communities, go to groups, the works but i am fairly private about it to most people to include friends. it's fairly common for people to think i'm eccentric (comes with the turf) due to some of my habits. those habits include not going to parties or other places with lots of people, suddenly deciding not to do something (i have to be protective not to do or go to certain things if i think a delusion might be coming on), saying the occasional odd quip, normal schizophrenic stuff. some friends thought it would be funny to make it seem like i might be going crazy as a group. they would individually wear something silly like a wizard hat or dinosaur costume (trex blow up costume) to a group event or say something totally out of the ordinary and pretend like it was normal (police like to track people like you, covid is just a way to microchip you, etc). these are very real scary thoughts to me. i would ask members of the group if they had heard concerns about these conspiracies or weird garb from the other members, but they all acted like they had hung out with that particular member that day and i hadn't been involved. i was really, really scared that this could have been a massive delusion morphing into a full psychosis so i preemptively checked myself into a hospital to stop myself from potentially hurting myself or diving further into the rabbit hole(common in schizophrenic community). i was so scared my medications stopped working. no one heard from me for a few days while i was in the hospital, and when i checked out i confided in one of them about what had happened. i got a really long apology explaining what had happened and i blew up at them. i have ignored attempts from the others trying to apologize and have no desire to talk with them again. aita for not previously stating that i am schizophrenic?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> heyo, i'm a schizophrenic. started when i was 22, and will last till i die. i'm active in schizophrenic communities, go to groups, the works but i am fairly private about it to most people to include friends. it's fairly common for people to think i'm eccentric (comes with the turf) due to some of my habits. those habits include not going to parties or other places with lots of people, suddenly deciding not to do something (i have to be protective not to do or go to certain things if i think a delusion might be coming on), saying the occasional odd quip, normal schizophrenic stuff. some friends thought it would be funny to make it seem like i might be going crazy as a group. they would individually wear something silly like a wizard hat or dinosaur costume (trex blow up costume) to a group event or say something totally out of the ordinary and pretend like it was normal (police like to track people like you, covid is just a way to microchip you, etc). these are very real scary thoughts to me. i would ask members of the group if they had heard concerns about these conspiracies or weird garb from the other members, but they all acted like they had hung out with that particular member that day and i hadn't been involved. i was really, really scared that this could have been a massive delusion morphing into a full psychosis so i preemptively checked myself into a hospital to stop myself from potentially hurting myself or diving further into the rabbit hole(common in schizophrenic community). i was so scared my medications stopped working. no one heard from me for a few days while i was in the hospital, and when i checked out i confided in one of them about what had happened. i got a really long apology explaining what had happened and i blew up at them. i have ignored attempts from the others trying to apologize and have no desire to talk with them again. aita for not previously stating that i am schizophrenic? [/INST] nta - even if you didn't disclose your medical history, they knew enough that saying those things would fuck with you. if a "prank" doesn't leave both parties laughing, it isn't a prank, it's bullying. </s>
AITA for showing my twin sister’s onlyfans to our parents?	i (18 f) and my identical twin sister (also 18 f, obviously) have always had a tumultuous and competitive relationship. we’ve always fought over everything; guys, clothes, friends, etc. but our relationship came to a halt a few weeks ago when a mutual guy friend of ours sent me a link to an onlyfans profile, with an attached message that stated “this u?” confused, i clicked on the link and was shocked to discover that the profile belonged to my twin sister. the profile picture was very clearly a scantily clad image of her, and the username was my nickname that literally everyone in my life uses. i asked our friend about it and he told me that he had discovered the profile through twitter and then subscribed to the profile, which included dozens of videos of her doing… spicy things to say the least, solo and with partners, all of which with her face showing. i was floored and, in a fit of rage, showed the profile to our parents. i mean… literally anyone who saw that profile that knows us would immediately assume that it’s me considering she’s basically going by my name. our parents forced her to delete the profile and she hasn’t spoken to me since, claiming that i not only ruined her main source of income, but also betrayed her trust. however, i think that she betrayed my trust by going by my nickname. aita?	30,046	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xs5j2j/aita_for_showing_my_twin_sisters_onlyfans_to_our/	2022-09-30 16:19:20	nta. she exploited your identity for profit. she's lucky you only told your parents, instead of suing her.	you are not the asshole. my sister used my identity and i confronted her and took my old id away. she then went to the dmv and got an updated id with a new picture. she then got drunk and hit a cop car coming out of the bar. she ended up with a felony warrant but not really. why? she used my name not hers. i got the felony warrant. if you don't nip this in the bud be prepared for a lifetime of being blamed for what your sister did. ps. i am not a twin so thank god the cop was honest and said. "that's not the woman who hit my car. how did she get your id and who is it?" i told them i thought it was my sister and showed them her picture. she went to prison instead of me. i was a single mom of two children under five and innocent and my mom still said, "your sister has a long record and you have none. can't you take the blame for this one? i'll watch your kids until you get out of jail." don't listen to the people saying you are an asshole. i've been where you are. you did the right thing. nta	nta. what kind of asshole uses their twins name for onlyfans??? it baffles me why someone would do that asshole move	nta for the sole reason that by being your identical twin and using your own nickname, she’s essentially posing as you and this could have serious consequences in real life, such as if a potential employer found it and assumed it was you. why on earth wouldn’t she go with a different “stage name”? do you think maybe she did that on purpose to fuck with you?	nta. you are right. she's the ah for using your nickname. if it wasn't for that, then telling your parents about it wouldn't be cool, but under these circumstances, i think doing whatever is needed to get her to take it down (or rename it) is justified. eta ps: your friend subscribing to this (thinking at that point that it might be you) is also very sketchy.	nta she wants to do of, fine, but she can’t be doing it by presenting herself as you.	identity theft is not a joke jim nta	nta-she used your name! i would already be a little weirded out that she could be mistaken for you, but that’s out of her control. using your name was deliberate. the only other thing you could’ve done is gone to her first to talk about her changing the name. but i don’t think you were obligated to because she was setting you up to look like you were involved in sex work when you’re not. and no shade to sex work/workers, but putting someone else’s identity on your work is not okay.	nta she’s identical to you and used your name for her of. if it were me, i’d be telling everybody because i wouldn’t want that on my name. no shame to of creators, but i like my body and my life to be private. if someone made it public, i’d make sure everyone knew what they did because at least i’d get a say in the narrative. she decided to put herself out there but then did it pretending to be you. that’s messed up on so many levels.	if she was that serious and proud about it as a source of income, she'd have used her own nickname, not yours. or even picked some random name. of all the names we have in this world, she decides to use yours, knowing people would think it was you. i think she wanted to kill two birds with one stone, earn some money and ruin your reputation in the process. nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (18 f) and my identical twin sister (also 18 f, obviously) have always had a tumultuous and competitive relationship. we’ve always fought over everything; guys, clothes, friends, etc. but our relationship came to a halt a few weeks ago when a mutual guy friend of ours sent me a link to an onlyfans profile, with an attached message that stated “this u?” confused, i clicked on the link and was shocked to discover that the profile belonged to my twin sister. the profile picture was very clearly a scantily clad image of her, and the username was my nickname that literally everyone in my life uses. i asked our friend about it and he told me that he had discovered the profile through twitter and then subscribed to the profile, which included dozens of videos of her doing… spicy things to say the least, solo and with partners, all of which with her face showing. i was floored and, in a fit of rage, showed the profile to our parents. i mean… literally anyone who saw that profile that knows us would immediately assume that it’s me considering she’s basically going by my name. our parents forced her to delete the profile and she hasn’t spoken to me since, claiming that i not only ruined her main source of income, but also betrayed her trust. however, i think that she betrayed my trust by going by my nickname. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (18 f) and my identical twin sister (also 18 f, obviously) have always had a tumultuous and competitive relationship. we’ve always fought over everything; guys, clothes, friends, etc. but our relationship came to a halt a few weeks ago when a mutual guy friend of ours sent me a link to an onlyfans profile, with an attached message that stated “this u?” confused, i clicked on the link and was shocked to discover that the profile belonged to my twin sister. the profile picture was very clearly a scantily clad image of her, and the username was my nickname that literally everyone in my life uses. i asked our friend about it and he told me that he had discovered the profile through twitter and then subscribed to the profile, which included dozens of videos of her doing… spicy things to say the least, solo and with partners, all of which with her face showing. i was floored and, in a fit of rage, showed the profile to our parents. i mean… literally anyone who saw that profile that knows us would immediately assume that it’s me considering she’s basically going by my name. our parents forced her to delete the profile and she hasn’t spoken to me since, claiming that i not only ruined her main source of income, but also betrayed her trust. however, i think that she betrayed my trust by going by my nickname. aita? [/INST] nta. she exploited your* identity for profit. she's lucky you only told your parents, instead of suing her. </s>
AITA for spraying the neighborhood kids with my garden hose?	i love strawberries. i love them so much that i planted 300 strawberry plants in my garden. after i harvest, i make lots of strawberry jelly to give to my family, friends, and neighbors. i donate the leftovers to my local food bank. lately i've had a big problem with all the neighborhood kids coming in my yard and stealing my strawberries. the last time i caught them i threatened them with the police because they was so reckless they smashed over 50 of my plants. i caught them in my yard again this afternoon, instead of calling the police i grabbed my garden hose and sprayed them while chasing them out of my yard. i just had a group of angry parents come to my house complaining about my actions. absolutely none of them was willing to apologize for their children's actions. one parent in particular is threatening to sue me, because her son's iphone 10 was ruined with water. i told her that was her problem for letting her eight-year-old son have a $1,000 phone. then i threatened to spray them with my hose if they didn't get off of my property.	30,008	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c5eeb5/aita_for_spraying_the_neighborhood_kids_with_my/	2019-06-25 20:10:13	nta, but you should probably get some security cameras, those kids are definitely going to start fucking with you and your plants deliberately. best to buy a cage with a lock if you can to put over your plants.	nta. your strawberries, not theirs. &#x200b; also >i told her that was her problem for letting her eight-year-old son have a $1,000 phone. then i threatened to spray them with my hose if they didn't get off of my property. op you are one bad bitch. slay!	nta but i'd argue that you should talk to a lawyer just to be safe, that parent may end up going through with those threats. many lawyers have free consultations. there have been instances where spraying someone with water has been considered assault, although those instances were not on their own property. regarding the phone, iphone 10's are waterproof, that parent is full of shit. also put up a chickenwire fence, it'll solve the problem immediately and very cheaply.	nta - it’s such a bummer your hose got away from you like that. it’s a shame that their waterproof phone was ruined by a slight mishap. i’d give them all the number to the apple warranty line and recommend a better phone.	nta. i’m a parent and i would volunteer you to spray my son with a hose if i caught him stealing. get some wyze cameras, record those pitas in the act, and prosecute them.	nta - you were simply watering your strawberries when hooligans ran under the water ;) after trespassing no less. get some cameras and cops involved next time	nta, \\\but\\\ it's 2019, and society is weirdly litigious. it's always safer to refrain from directly intervening, because parents might decide to sue for assault (yeah, really), or try to take you to small claims court for the cost of the ruined phone. it sucks, because if the children were trespassing, there's no way it you could really be held liable, but it's more of a headache than you need. nevertheless, the deed is done, and i wouldn't let it weigh on your conscience too much. i \would\ contact the police and let them know about the trespassing and vandalism (because that's what they did). if you have what you believe to be a legal beef, it's best to get a paper trail started as early as humanly possible.	nta send them a bill for your plant + time if you can't enjoy them. you are their private gardener for free at the moment ...	nta. you should absolutely call the cops though. that's trespassing and theft and their parents are responsible. you're now the grumpy grandpa of the neighborhood though.	nta it was a classic get of my lawn moment, and you did what had to be done. the parents dont seem like people who would care unless there are consequences, so i doubt they would do anything if you didnt spray their kids with water.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i love strawberries. i love them so much that i planted 300 strawberry plants in my garden. after i harvest, i make lots of strawberry jelly to give to my family, friends, and neighbors. i donate the leftovers to my local food bank. lately i've had a big problem with all the neighborhood kids coming in my yard and stealing my strawberries. the last time i caught them i threatened them with the police because they was so reckless they smashed over 50 of my plants. i caught them in my yard again this afternoon, instead of calling the police i grabbed my garden hose and sprayed them while chasing them out of my yard. i just had a group of angry parents come to my house complaining about my actions. absolutely none of them was willing to apologize for their children's actions. one parent in particular is threatening to sue me, because her son's iphone 10 was ruined with water. i told her that was her problem for letting her eight-year-old son have a $1,000 phone. then i threatened to spray them with my hose if they didn't get off of my property.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i love strawberries. i love them so much that i planted 300 strawberry plants in my garden. after i harvest, i make lots of strawberry jelly to give to my family, friends, and neighbors. i donate the leftovers to my local food bank. lately i've had a big problem with all the neighborhood kids coming in my yard and stealing my strawberries. the last time i caught them i threatened them with the police because they was so reckless they smashed over 50 of my plants. i caught them in my yard again this afternoon, instead of calling the police i grabbed my garden hose and sprayed them while chasing them out of my yard. i just had a group of angry parents come to my house complaining about my actions. absolutely none of them was willing to apologize for their children's actions. one parent in particular is threatening to sue me, because her son's iphone 10 was ruined with water. i told her that was her problem for letting her eight-year-old son have a $1,000 phone. then i threatened to spray them with my hose if they didn't get off of my property. [/INST] nta, but you should probably get some security cameras, those kids are definitely going to start fucking with you and your plants deliberately. best to buy a cage with a lock if you can to put over your plants. </s>
AITA for "tricking" my copycat sister to cut her hair?	i have a younger sister who looks exactly like me. i am 19 and she is 16, but people have been mistakening us as twins for some time because of how close we resemble each other. we have same height, same skin tone, similar voice even. she also has a habit of being a copycat, from way of dressing to hobbies, even piercings. i know, its cute if you look it from the outside, sisters dressing and looking so alike that they are spitting images of each other. honestly though, it's annoying and creeps me out sometimes, like yeah, we are quite close too but why does she always happen to pick up everything i pick up?? i have been asking her to stop that, but she always insist that she really just finds it suiting her liking that she just had to try it herself by getting similar, if not identical things that i have. one afternoon i was tidying up some costumes in my college showroom and found a rather cute brown and pink wig, looks like mushroom. i put it on, think it looks rather funny so i snapped a picture of it and posted in my instagram. i received a text from my sister asking if i really cut my hair(i did not mention it was a wig). the ah part is - while i somewhat have a feeling that she might copy that too, i lied and replied yes, i want a change of style. i went home when weekends came and lo and behold - my sister emerged with the same silly brown and pink bob cut, except this one is her permanent hair. she was very surprised that i arrived with my hair still long, then realized that i lied to her. she was furious that she had to cut that silly hairstyle because she thought i had it, but truth be told, i never asked her to. she should have seen it in my picture that that hairstyle look super silly and yet she still tried to cut her hair that way. our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to make it up to her(i wonder why did they not stop her in the first place). while i feel sorry for her, i am somewhat glad that at least she won't be able to copy my hairstyle now with her hair so short so i am keeping my hair long.	29,942	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwcqu8/aita_for_tricking_my_copycat_sister_to_cut_her/	2020-07-23 09:34:16	nta. not your fault if she did it, especially if she claims she isn't copying you and it is just "coincidence". your parents should know better than to say you should cut your hair.	your parents expected you to cut your hair to be fair? that's weird. sure, your lie was a bit of an ah move, but at some point your sister needs to develop her own sense of style. nta.	nta. you caught her red handed. she literally became angry because she couldn’t have your identity anymore. might be worth discussing therapy for her with your parents though.	nta after all, she only copies your ideas because she honestly feels they suit her. you gave her an idea, that is all. she claimed to like it. your parents are encouraging very bad behavior by pressuring you.	nta your parents: if your sister jumped off a bridge, would you do it too? your sister, voice fading as she plummets into the abyss: "what was that? all i heard was my sister jumped off a bridge"	your parents are the biggest assholes to ask you to cut your hair too. i think you are nta and nor is your sister for copying you. but your sister is an asshole for not taking responsibility of her own actions, as you clearly didn’t ask her to do it.	nta. it sounds extreme, but i really think op is dealing with some weird family dynamics. >our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to to make it up to her(i wonder why did they not stop her in the first place) parent's are ta for either enabling or encouraging little sisters behavior. it's one thing to look up to your older siblings, it's another to adopt their physical persoa all of the time. op- someone else commented here you may want to take this to therapy. i agree. this is creepy, and you know it. get a professional perspective. some distance between the two of you may be a good idea as well.	esh a small bit. your sister is copying you, very likely, because she looks up to you and admires you. i understand why that's annoying but girl...c'mon. you knew she would cut her hair. you knew exactly what she would do and please don't pretend otherwise. and that was a shitty thing to do when you knew what the result would likely be. you took a very immature path when you could have just said "it's a wig". now, that's not to say her cutting her hair was a brilliant idea. if she didn't like it herself, she shouldn't have cut it. she's 16 and really needs to make her own decisions. but she doesn't. while she may look up to you, she's old enough to understand that she shouldn't blindly copy people. she's also being immature for a 16 year old. your parents need to help her be an individual, not ask you to cut your hair too. that doesn't really prove much. and excuse me but that's fucking stupid. why haven't you sat down and talked to her? not "omg you're so annoying, why do you do this???" but an actual conversation like she's a human with feelings? because either you or your parents should be sitting down with your sister and helping her be an individual and help her understand that she doesn't need to do as you do to look up to you or be like you. i mean, that's what non-assholes would do. talk about it and help each other. y'all need to grow up.	nta your parents seem to be actively complicit in this copycat behavior. have you ever brought that up with them? either way, your sister is the one who decided that it was more important to look like you even after you’d asked her to knock it off than to worry that her head looks like a mushroom.	nta - that's hilarious! maybe your sister will think twice before copying you again... they've got to learn somehow!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.010125	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a younger sister who looks exactly like me. i am 19 and she is 16, but people have been mistakening us as twins for some time because of how close we resemble each other. we have same height, same skin tone, similar voice even. she also has a habit of being a copycat, from way of dressing to hobbies, even piercings. i know, its cute if you look it from the outside, sisters dressing and looking so alike that they are spitting images of each other. honestly though, it's annoying and creeps me out sometimes, like yeah, we are quite close too but why does she always happen to pick up everything i pick up?? i have been asking her to stop that, but she always insist that she really just finds it suiting her liking that she just had to try it herself by getting similar, if not identical things that i have. one afternoon i was tidying up some costumes in my college showroom and found a rather cute brown and pink wig, looks like mushroom. i put it on, think it looks rather funny so i snapped a picture of it and posted in my instagram. i received a text from my sister asking if i really cut my hair(i did not mention it was a wig). the ah part is - while i somewhat have a feeling that she might copy that too, i lied and replied yes, i want a change of style. i went home when weekends came and lo and behold - my sister emerged with the same silly brown and pink bob cut, except this one is her permanent hair. she was very surprised that i arrived with my hair still long, then realized that i lied to her. she was furious that she had to cut that silly hairstyle because she thought i had it, but truth be told, i never asked her to. she should have seen it in my picture that that hairstyle look super silly and yet she still tried to cut her hair that way. our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to make it up to her(i wonder why did they not stop her in the first place). while i feel sorry for her, i am somewhat glad that at least she won't be able to copy my hairstyle now with her hair so short so i am keeping my hair long.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have a younger sister who looks exactly like me. i am 19 and she is 16, but people have been mistakening us as twins for some time because of how close we resemble each other. we have same height, same skin tone, similar voice even. she also has a habit of being a copycat, from way of dressing to hobbies, even piercings. i know, its cute if you look it from the outside, sisters dressing and looking so alike that they are spitting images of each other. honestly though, it's annoying and creeps me out sometimes, like yeah, we are quite close too but why does she always happen to pick up everything i pick up?? i have been asking her to stop that, but she always insist that she really just finds it suiting her liking that she just had to try it herself by getting similar, if not identical things that i have. one afternoon i was tidying up some costumes in my college showroom and found a rather cute brown and pink wig, looks like mushroom. i put it on, think it looks rather funny so i snapped a picture of it and posted in my instagram. i received a text from my sister asking if i really cut my hair(i did not mention it was a wig). the ah part is - while i somewhat have a feeling that she might copy that too, i lied and replied yes, i want a change of style. i went home when weekends came and lo and behold - my sister emerged with the same silly brown and pink bob cut, except this one is her permanent hair. she was very surprised that i arrived with my hair still long, then realized that i lied to her. she was furious that she had to cut that silly hairstyle because she thought i had it, but truth be told, i never asked her to. she should have seen it in my picture that that hairstyle look super silly and yet she still tried to cut her hair that way. our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to make it up to her(i wonder why did they not stop her in the first place). while i feel sorry for her, i am somewhat glad that at least she won't be able to copy my hairstyle now with her hair so short so i am keeping my hair long. [/INST] nta. not your fault if she did it, especially if she claims she isn't copying you and it is just "coincidence". your parents should know better than to say you should cut your hair. </s>
AITA for kicking my sister out of my family gathering after comment about adopted son?	some feel i (32m) should’ve handled the situation but i don’t see how i’m wrong. me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. i had my son jesse (9) pretty young. months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. only i knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. and we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. it hurt. worst pain ever but for my son’s sake i tried to get past it. i come from a family of half sibs too so i wanted my son to be close to his half brother (keith). surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. he got locked up when keith was 3. this particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago: my ex got sick, she was scared of keith ending up in foster care like her and i didn’t want that for him either. i legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard not to love so they warmed up to him. my sister never did. she hated that i brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. and i understood why it was painful but keith’s and jesse’s best interest were my main priority. that’s how we drifted apart. last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. my parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. i thought that meant she was cool with keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal. i asked my parents how would she feel about keith, they said not to worry about it. again i took it as she came around. only she wasn’t told he would also be present. but how could he not be? he lives there. my sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . she very specifically said “i thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother. my sister was pissed because my parents told her keith wouldn’t be around. and i got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. so i just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. there was some back and forth from her and my parents. i didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. my mom seems to think i was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out. like they take keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. but to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? well this is still causing some conflict since i “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . aita?	29,817	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ojzd5s/aita_for_kicking_my_sister_out_of_my_family/	2021-07-14 07:35:18	nta.. regardless of what happened in the past between consenting adults, kieth is a child and is absolutely innocent. bless you op for having such a huge heart and opening up your home to another son! you rock!	let me get this straight - essentially, the same exact thing happens to both you and your sister - you were both cheated on - and you do a remarkably decent thing and adopt the child that resulted from it yet she can't even be in the same room as said child? why does she think her pain from said incident is so much more traumatic than yours? does she even realize, comparatively speaking, what a petty little human she must be? dude, you are so nta and kudos for being a generally good human - we need more people like you in the world today.	[removed]	nta why did your parents tell her, keith would not be around? this makes no sense. and then saying you are an a\*hole? not fair! you did the right thing in that situation. but try to talk to your sister and tell her, he is your kid! and if she does not want to see him it'll be quite possile you see each other "never again".	nta, but everyone else other than you (and the kids) sure are. keith is your son’s brother and even if he weren’t, he’s an innocent child who has no responsibility for his terrible birth parents. you adopting him was such a wonderful thing to do. you protected an innocent child from a lifetime of suffering the consequences of his birth parents bad choices and protected your son’s ability to have a relationship with his brother. it is understandable that your sister would have a hard time with the reminder of what her ex-fiancé did to her, but that’s not the child’s fault or responsibility, there’s no involvement with her ex, and she’s had years* to deal with it and get over it. keith never did anything to her and her attitude toward him is disgusting. your parents tried to bring the two of you together by lying to both of you about the main source of your conflict. that was incredibly stupid and guaranteed to blow up. the nerve of them to get mad at you for throwing your sister out when she behaved exactly as would have been expected had your parents been honest. had they been honest, you would not have invited her and this whole incident would have never happened. your sister reacting badly is expected because she too was lied to. she was told keith wouldn’t be there and was blindsided when he was. her attitude toward him is disgusting but her reaction to being blindsided like that is also completely predictable. had your parents not lied to her, she wouldn’t have accepted the invite and this whole incident never would have happened. and now your mom blames you and is calling you the asshole when the entire confrontation was your parents doing by choosing to lie to both of her children in a way she knew would escalate the conflict even more than it already was. overall, i’d say your parents and your sister are pretty equal on the asshole scale, but for this particular incident, your parents win the position of top assholes.	nta. it's your son. he's not optional. he's part of the package deal and he is very much so family.	nta, but your parents are. they ambushed your sister by lying about where keith would be. she clearly has unresolved issues about her ex and she reacted emotionally. the situation escalated and your parent are placing blame on the wrong person. your parents are responsible for what happened, not you, but also not your sister. she needs to get help so she can deal with keith being in her family and her life forever, and until then you’re right to keep her away from him. you’re awesome for adopting keith btw, what a selfless, honourable thing to do.	nta; i just wanna say how amazing it was for you to step up and give this kid a better life even though he wasn’t yours and now is. secondly, she needs to grow up and understand that your son was not at fault for anything.	absolutely nta. the fact your sister expected you to remove your son, a child, from his home so she can attend a party is insane. it's not the child's fault who his bio parents are and anyone with ill will towards an innocent child because they dislike their parents needs to grow up. you did nothing wrong, you protected your son.	nta. good job for defending your sons. your sister should be ashamed for how she treats this child. i understand he can represent a bad time for her but it isn’t his fault and he doesn’t know what’s going on. you are exactly right, you can’t fix how your sister feels and you sure aren’t gonna ask a child to leave so it had to be her and besides you don’t need someone around that’s going to make your son feel bad. your parents are also major ah because you tried to confirm that your sister was ok with keith but instead they outright lied to everyone	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some feel i (32m) should’ve handled the situation but i don’t see how i’m wrong. me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. i had my son jesse (9) pretty young. months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. only i knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. and we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. it hurt. worst pain ever but for my son’s sake i tried to get past it. i come from a family of half sibs too so i wanted my son to be close to his half brother (keith). surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. he got locked up when keith was 3. this particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago: my ex got sick, she was scared of keith ending up in foster care like her and i didn’t want that for him either. i legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard not* to love so they warmed up to him. my sister never did. she hated that i brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. and i understood why it was painful but keith’s and jesse’s best interest were my main priority. that’s how we drifted apart. last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. my parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. i thought that meant she was cool with keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal. i asked my parents how would she feel about keith, they said not to worry about it. again i took it as she came around. only she wasn’t told he would also be present. but how could he not be? he lives there. my sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . she very specifically said “i thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother. my sister was pissed because my parents told her keith wouldn’t be around. and i got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. so i just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. there was some back and forth from her and my parents. i didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. my mom seems to think i was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out. like they take keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. but to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? well this is still causing some conflict since i “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> some feel i (32m) should’ve handled the situation but i don’t see how i’m wrong. me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. i had my son jesse (9) pretty young. months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. only i knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. and we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. it hurt. worst pain ever but for my son’s sake i tried to get past it. i come from a family of half sibs too so i wanted my son to be close to his half brother (keith). surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. he got locked up when keith was 3. this particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago: my ex got sick, she was scared of keith ending up in foster care like her and i didn’t want that for him either. i legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard not* to love so they warmed up to him. my sister never did. she hated that i brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. and i understood why it was painful but keith’s and jesse’s best interest were my main priority. that’s how we drifted apart. last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. my parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. i thought that meant she was cool with keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal. i asked my parents how would she feel about keith, they said not to worry about it. again i took it as she came around. only she wasn’t told he would also be present. but how could he not be? he lives there. my sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . she very specifically said “i thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother. my sister was pissed because my parents told her keith wouldn’t be around. and i got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. so i just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. there was some back and forth from her and my parents. i didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. my mom seems to think i was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out. like they take keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. but to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? well this is still causing some conflict since i “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . aita? [/INST] nta.. regardless of what happened in the past between consenting adults, kieth is a child and is absolutely innocent. bless you op for having such a huge heart and opening up your home to another son! you rock! </s>
AITA For not being happy that my sister is pregnant AGAIN?	throwaway because i don't want my family tracking this back to my main. my sister got knocked up by her boyfriend right out of highschool, got married the next year, then proceeded to pop out another baby every year or two, so she has four now at 24. she's a stay at home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great university. since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she's the next coming of christ. they gush over over every new tooth or haircut like it's some huge achievement. problem is, her husband's business wasn't great even even before covid, and is barely limping along now. sister doesn't work, and my parents have limited income. so guess who's constantly being told to "lend" them money for shit like school fees, car seat, car payment, new stroller, etc. they don't even ask! my mom just texts me "your sister needs $x.xx for the kids" and i'm supposed to cough up. if i complain, they accuse me of being jealous because i don't have a husband and family even though i'm older (i'm only 26!) so over easter i notice my sister isn't drinking and i think oh god, here we go again. sure enough, she stands up and announces that she's been inseminated with yet another precious miracle. everyone's gushing and i just try to stay quiet and out of the way. later she asks me if everything's alright and i try to play it off but she pushes so i asked her if she and her husband could really afford another baby. she very snippily replies "god will provide like he has so far," which really pissed me off. i yelled that no, actually god didn't provide for her babies, i did, and i wasn't going to giving them any more handouts. it devolved into a big argument with everyone shouting at me, and basically i've been banned from my family unless i apologize. i haven't apologized. it's been radio silence except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister miscarries it's my fault for stressing her out. i asked if my sister was showing any symptoms but no one will answer or tell me. idk. i don't think i'm ta but i don't want to be the reason she miscarries. also, i think i might be ta because secretly i think it would be better if she did even though i wouldn't say that to her.	29,790	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u84njt/aita_for_not_being_happy_that_my_sister_is/	2022-04-20 19:40:48	nta and the next time your mom says oh your sister needs $$ and you need to give it to them just say " no, sister said god will provide so i'm giving him a turn"	nta - you are not an ah or an atm. you don't owe anyone an apology. but, if you want to keep the peace you could say something like: "i am sorry that i didn't react well to your news. it is your decision how to grow your family and live your life, and if you are happy then i am happy for you. but i want to make sure that you understand that i can no longer provide you with financial support. i feel like you have been taking advantage of my generosity. if the only way to get your forgiveness or to have a place in this family is to pay for it by supporting your children financially, then i guess we all need to take some time apart."	nta. they did you a favor by cutting you off. you owe them nothing, don’t give them anything.	nta. please stop giving her money. i’d suggest blocking these entitled people as well. enjoy the ban from family (i mean that quite seriously, it will be cheaper and much less stressful if you just enjoy it.) if they ever contact you for money again, say no but also if you know how much you’ve already given/lent say either “i’ve already given sister $xxxx, i’m not giving her anymore, but i’m sure you’d be happy to help her out.” or “sister still owes me $xxxx from before, i’m not lending her money ever again because she doesn’t pay me back. if you want to lend her money, go ahead.”	nta. in the future when mom contacts you for money, just reply "god will provide" and hang up.	nta- if you can't afford to care for the kids you already have, don't keep having kids. it's cruel and selfish to purposely have a kid when you can't afford one.	nta. unless your sister has a specific health condition, getting into an argument is not going to cause her to miscarry. the whole "don't stress out a pregnant woman or she'll miscarry" nonsense drives me insane. as a former pregnant woman, trust me, we're emotional nightmares and stress is only a part of it. one time i saw a puppy that was so cute and i cried and cried because i just thought it was so cute. like, bawling, snot bubbling, just absolutely ridiculous. your sister and her baby are going to be fine, unless there's other underlying causes, but either way, you have nothing to do with that potential outcome. you also have zero obligation to support them. they made those babies, they need to take care of them. it is not your job.	nta. honestly, everyone being silent now is probably the best outcome, because there was a whole lot of stupid coming out of their mouths. it isn’t uncommon for people to pop out children they cannot afford, and guilt family into giving them money. making family member’s feel obligated to provide for you is so much easier than getting a job when you’re financially struggling. your sister was the one who pushed you into actually talking about why you weren’t giddy about her news, and she got a truthful answer. there is nothing wrong with that. you are the one expected to pay for these children she keeps having, and it’s completely reasonable to tell her that she’s being cut-off from those funds after showing zero gratefulness or any recognition. your sister’s stress is completely on her, because she asked you to be honest, and pushed you until you started talking. if you are unwilling to say what’s on your mind right off the bat, then she should have realized it wasn’t something she’d want to hear. it’s easy for you mom to text you and let you know your sister needs x amount of money, without her truly thinking about that number. now that you are no longer paying for your sister, guess where she’s going to go? of course your mom won’t admit to how much she really asked of you once she’s hit with your sister’s expenses, but you can bet she’s going to feel it. i would go through messages and bank statements to find out an exact number you’ve handed over in the span of a year, and when your mom eventually calls or texts to ask if you’re ready to apologize yet, you can hit her with that number, and let her know the only thing you’re sorry for is not standing up for yourself sooner.	nta i would continue to go radio silence, and if they complain about it more, just say "well, sis said god will provide, so who am i to step in god's way." it sounds to me like you're better off without them; they need you more than you need them. i hope you have a good group of friends to serve as a support system because right now when it comes to your family you're atlas and they're the rest of the world. it's not fair for you to have to support them all.	nta do these people not know about birth control	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because i don't want my family tracking this back to my main. my sister got knocked up by her boyfriend right out of highschool, got married the next year, then proceeded to pop out another baby every year or two, so she has four now at 24. she's a stay at home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great university. since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she's the next coming of christ. they gush over over every new tooth or haircut like it's some huge achievement. problem is, her husband's business wasn't great even even before covid, and is barely limping along now. sister doesn't work, and my parents have limited income. so guess who's constantly being told to "lend" them money for shit like school fees, car seat, car payment, new stroller, etc. they don't even ask! my mom just texts me "your sister needs $x.xx for the kids" and i'm supposed to cough up. if i complain, they accuse me of being jealous because i don't have a husband and family even though i'm older (i'm only 26!) so over easter i notice my sister isn't drinking and i think oh god, here we go again. sure enough, she stands up and announces that she's been inseminated with yet another precious miracle. everyone's gushing and i just try to stay quiet and out of the way. later she asks me if everything's alright and i try to play it off but she pushes so i asked her if she and her husband could really afford another baby. she very snippily replies "god will provide like he has so far," which really pissed me off. i yelled that no, actually god didn't provide for her babies, i** did, and i wasn't going to giving them any more handouts. it devolved into a big argument with everyone shouting at me, and basically i've been banned from my family unless i apologize. i haven't apologized. it's been radio silence except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister miscarries it's my fault for stressing her out. i asked if my sister was showing any symptoms but no one will answer or tell me. idk. i don't think i'm ta but i don't want to be the reason she miscarries. also, i think i might be ta because secretly i think it would be better if she did even though i wouldn't say that to her.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway because i don't want my family tracking this back to my main. my sister got knocked up by her boyfriend right out of highschool, got married the next year, then proceeded to pop out another baby every year or two, so she has four now at 24. she's a stay at home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great university. since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she's the next coming of christ. they gush over over every new tooth or haircut like it's some huge achievement. problem is, her husband's business wasn't great even even before covid, and is barely limping along now. sister doesn't work, and my parents have limited income. so guess who's constantly being told to "lend" them money for shit like school fees, car seat, car payment, new stroller, etc. they don't even ask! my mom just texts me "your sister needs $x.xx for the kids" and i'm supposed to cough up. if i complain, they accuse me of being jealous because i don't have a husband and family even though i'm older (i'm only 26!) so over easter i notice my sister isn't drinking and i think oh god, here we go again. sure enough, she stands up and announces that she's been inseminated with yet another precious miracle. everyone's gushing and i just try to stay quiet and out of the way. later she asks me if everything's alright and i try to play it off but she pushes so i asked her if she and her husband could really afford another baby. she very snippily replies "god will provide like he has so far," which really pissed me off. i yelled that no, actually god didn't provide for her babies, i** did, and i wasn't going to giving them any more handouts. it devolved into a big argument with everyone shouting at me, and basically i've been banned from my family unless i apologize. i haven't apologized. it's been radio silence except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister miscarries it's my fault for stressing her out. i asked if my sister was showing any symptoms but no one will answer or tell me. idk. i don't think i'm ta but i don't want to be the reason she miscarries. also, i think i might be ta because secretly i think it would be better if she did even though i wouldn't say that to her. [/INST] nta and the next time your mom says oh your sister needs $$ and you need to give it to them just say " no, sister said god will provide so i'm giving him a turn" </s>
AITA for having my kids wear tie dye when with their dad?	i (30 f) my ex-husband (31m). got divorced 5 yrs ago. during our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). on a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park. he wanted the new truck and our savings. i wanted the old trailer and the land. my ex and i have 2 girls (8&7). since my divorce. i slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. turning it into a business. i love it. my girls go to their dads and ap apartment every other weekend. i started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. at first i thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. however, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. i asked her what was wrong. she told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. that she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there. i immediately called my ex. i asked him to return our daughters clothes. not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. i blamed it on them not having enough for school. he played dumb. he said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. i pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. he then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be doing this good. i was pissed. i took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts. to a thrift store and bought cheap shorts. we had a “girls” tie dye night. hot pink every thing. each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. i let our girls design and decorate them. my girls loved it. the following week ex sends the girls home. i could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. the clothes were not returned. no fear i knew this would be a issue. we made extras. when the girls went back they were wearing tie dye. they were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. i kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. i told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it. he called me an a for being petty. aita? edited to add. thank you so much for all the comments. here are some things to clarify. 1) ap stands for affair partner 2) owned is past tense. my ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer. 3) sadly this is a true story. i am sorry for those who don’t believe it. at the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. thank you for the love and support	29,768	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wp874j/aita_for_having_my_kids_wear_tie_dye_when_with/	2022-08-15 19:16:51	nta keep a record of what goes over there and back. as you can have the child support changed to show he is taking it back	nta - you need to take this man to court. he is stealing from his children and doesn't care that it is causing them clear and understandable distress.	nta my son's dad and his ap tried this when he was young. wasn't selling them, was just keeping any "new" clothing and returning him in old/dirty/outgrown stuff his ap's kid used to wear and giving son's stuff to ap's kid. told him that wouldn't fly. what left this house comes back to this house with our son. his ap retaliated by dumping grape soda into my son's overnight bag. so i took him to court. judge ordered he had to keep clothing & toys at his house and what our son arrived with was what he returned with. and it had to be clean, unless the visit was less than a day trip. anything missing/damaged, he had to reimburse me for.	nta. get a bedazzler. they’re not expensive and they’re a blast for girls this age. also fabric markers. puffy paint. you might have a whole set of new hobbies by the time your girls are teens.	nta and your answer was exactly right: he should be obligated to buy them clothes. he’s their dad for goodness sakes…what kind of father sells his own children’s clothes off their backs? if you can, please take him to court…and give your kids the option of not visiting him as soon as you’re legally able.	nta. my ex had a daughter from a hook up before we dated and his mom was all in on having a granddaughter. at least once every weekend, they went out for a shopping trip. new dresses, new outfits, new shoes, new accessories. not just frilly stuff, but useful stuff, though maybe more pricey than a normal wardrobe for kids. my ex sent the new stuff with his daughter when she went back to her mom's because unless she spent all day changing, she'd never wear all the clothes at his house. the little girl once tearfully confided in me that her mom took a scissor to one batch of clothes because reasons? no explanation, not sure if she objected to the clothes in the bag specifically, was punishing the kid by destroying the clothes, or being spiteful toward my ex/his mom. so my ex made a special effort to send her back in what she arrived in. all hell broke loose after 3 months of no new clothes, despite her mom sending her in increasingly ill fitting and stained clothes. nothing was legally actionable on either side so my ex resorted to buying all manner of new clothes that referenced him - daddy's best girl, daddy's little princess, etc and those are what he sent home. your ex is a complete troll and i would continue to tie dye and maybe mix in some extra personalization. get a cricut and add more embellishments to their clothes. maybe their names, references to you "i have the world's best mom" or whatever would really trigger him.	nta and lawyer up! electronic receipts are your friend in this situation. your ex has no business (quite literally) selling the clothes off his children's backs!!! at a guess, most judges would take a dim view of your husband's "sales activities".	nta. as soon as you said he wanted the new truck and cash i knew this would be a wild ride. congrats on your business. you sound very savvy so i’ll sure you’ll do great, especially without your ex holding you back. i equally hope that ap is enjoying the prize she won.	nta and i love this creative solution that centers the feelings of your daughters.	time to ramp up the petty. pink tie dye could be kind of popular / marketable. time to get some really obnoxious colors that no one would want to buy. still let the girls pick it out, and have fun with making the ugliest tie dyes ever - maybe make an award for the ugliest ones. nta.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (30 f) my ex-husband (31m). got divorced 5 yrs ago. during our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). on a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park. he wanted the new truck and our savings. i wanted the old trailer and the land. my ex and i have 2 girls (8&7). since my divorce. i slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. turning it into a business. i love it. my girls go to their dads and ap apartment every other weekend. i started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. at first i thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. however, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. i asked her what was wrong. she told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. that she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there. i immediately called my ex. i asked him to return our daughters clothes. not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. i blamed it on them not having enough for school. he played dumb. he said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. i pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. he then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be doing this good. i was pissed. i took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts. to a thrift store and bought cheap shorts. we had a “girls” tie dye night. hot pink every thing. each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. i let our girls design and decorate them. my girls loved it. the following week ex sends the girls home. i could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. the clothes were not returned. no fear i knew this would be a issue. we made extras. when the girls went back they were wearing tie dye. they were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. i kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. i told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it. he called me an a for being petty. aita? edited to add. thank you so much for all the comments. here are some things to clarify. 1) ap stands for affair partner 2) owned is past tense. my ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer. 3) sadly this is a true story. i am sorry for those who don’t believe it. at the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. thank you for the love and support	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (30 f) my ex-husband (31m). got divorced 5 yrs ago. during our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). on a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park. he wanted the new truck and our savings. i wanted the old trailer and the land. my ex and i have 2 girls (8&7). since my divorce. i slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. turning it into a business. i love it. my girls go to their dads and ap apartment every other weekend. i started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. at first i thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. however, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. i asked her what was wrong. she told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. that she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there. i immediately called my ex. i asked him to return our daughters clothes. not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. i blamed it on them not having enough for school. he played dumb. he said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. i pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. he then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be doing this good. i was pissed. i took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts. to a thrift store and bought cheap shorts. we had a “girls” tie dye night. hot pink every thing. each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. i let our girls design and decorate them. my girls loved it. the following week ex sends the girls home. i could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. the clothes were not returned. no fear i knew this would be a issue. we made extras. when the girls went back they were wearing tie dye. they were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. i kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. i told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it. he called me an a for being petty. aita? edited to add. thank you so much for all the comments. here are some things to clarify. 1) ap stands for affair partner 2) owned is past tense. my ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer. 3) sadly this is a true story. i am sorry for those who don’t believe it. at the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. thank you for the love and support [/INST] nta keep a record of what goes over there and back. as you can have the child support changed to show he is taking it back </s>
AITA for bringing my garden with me when I moved?	i f(25) have been renting a house since i was 18 (7 years). when i moved in, the backyard was a large piece of dirt, no lawn or anything, just a decently big backyard with a fence all around. it was a cheap but not great house, but i signed because i wanted the backyard space. over the past few years i erected a small garden shed, greenhouse and pizza oven (transportables), planted lots of veggie gardens in big transportable garden beds, and put down some nice pavers, an aquaponics set up, and generally made the backyard a really green and beautiful place to be. it became the green oasis all my friends gathered at. a few months ago, my landlords let me know they were planning to sell, and my final move out day was a week ago. when i left, i brought my garden with me to my new place - nothing in my last backyard was directly planed into the ground, and nothing permanent. i dismantled the sheds and greenhouse, loaded up all the pots and garden beds onto a truck and cleared the backyard in three days with lots of help. my former landlords are furious over this, and demand that i return the backyard to the former state - apparently they’d listed the house for sale with pictures of the backyard and potential buyers were walking away from the house when they saw the barren backyard. they’re accusing me of stealing their plants, and wrecking the backyard. legally i’m fine - my contract said i could garden, and i have photos from the first real estate walkthrough before i moved in that show that the backyard was in the same state as i first found it (although with more fertile soil now probably). the same real estate agent signed off my final inspection, and i got my deposit back. i’ve received mixed responses though, because i saw the landlords taking pictures of my backyard before i left but didn’t make the connection because imho when pictures of a house has furniture in it, you don’t expect to also get free furniture. some of my coworkers suggested that iata because the house valuation certainly has fallen dramatically because i didn’t tell them i was taking my garden with me, so they couldn’t plan to landscape before lockdown hit. tl;dr aita for moving my garden that i build from my former rental house into my new house, upsetting my former landlords who didn’t expect me to take it with me?	29,744	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbdi4l/aita_for_bringing_my_garden_with_me_when_i_moved/	2020-06-18 12:17:17	nta. this is a very classic story of landlord trying to benefit of home improvements paid for by the tenant. if your landlord was honest, he would have asked you how much you wanted to leave the garden as it was. you owe him nothing.	nta not at all. if the owners want the garden looking nice they pay up and put in the effort themselves. their house value is not your responsibility and any decent landlord/owner will put money into a property after a longterm tenant has been there.	"how dare you take away plants and outdoor furniture that you paid for! now we won't get extra money for something we didn't buy and set up in the first place!" nta.	nta. they used your property as a selling point. that's not your fault. they can easily hire someone to do some planting.	nta. you invested your time, money, and energy into creating your space. i assume your landlord did not compensate you for your gardening activities. therefore they have no claim to your garden. they should’ve asked you whether you’d be leaving your garden behind if they wanted to advertise their property properly. if i was in your position, i would also take the garden when i moved.	nta it's all temporary structures you paid for and can take with you. the landlord is just salty because he tried to pull a fast one and it didn't work. it reminds me of that story of the company that was asked to leave their premises and the landlord listed the building as 'ready to move in, just rebrand' and the company ripped out everything they'd installed and sold the goods to help pay wages during the current situation. tbh i'd love to see this written in a revenge subreddit	i can kinda see how they have have presumed that the garden was staying - i think people see gardens as being quite permanent, instead of being transient and changing. and, because it’s looked so green for so long, they might have forgotten the state of the backyard beforehand, so the shock might have been a jolt. that said, nta, because you literally own everything you took with you.	nta fuck i was hoping you literally took the backyard with you tho	nta i've rented for years, and like you have always ensured that any additions to the garden are temporary so that they could move with me. your crappy landlord could have easily asked/and paid you to leave your stuff behind (if you had been agreeable)	nta your landlord and coworkers are assholes. it's your property, they have no right to it. trying to sell the property with the additions you made is so pathetic.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f(25) have been renting a house since i was 18 (7 years). when i moved in, the backyard was a large piece of dirt, no lawn or anything, just a decently big backyard with a fence all around. it was a cheap but not great house, but i signed because i wanted the backyard space. over the past few years i erected a small garden shed, greenhouse and pizza oven (transportables), planted lots of veggie gardens in big transportable garden beds, and put down some nice pavers, an aquaponics set up, and generally made the backyard a really green and beautiful place to be. it became the green oasis all my friends gathered at. a few months ago, my landlords let me know they were planning to sell, and my final move out day was a week ago. when i left, i brought my garden with me to my new place - nothing in my last backyard was directly planed into the ground, and nothing permanent. i dismantled the sheds and greenhouse, loaded up all the pots and garden beds onto a truck and cleared the backyard in three days with lots of help. my former landlords are furious over this, and demand that i return the backyard to the former state - apparently they’d listed the house for sale with pictures of the backyard and potential buyers were walking away from the house when they saw the barren backyard. they’re accusing me of stealing their plants, and wrecking the backyard. legally i’m fine - my contract said i could garden, and i have photos from the first real estate walkthrough before i moved in that show that the backyard was in the same state as i first found it (although with more fertile soil now probably). the same real estate agent signed off my final inspection, and i got my deposit back. i’ve received mixed responses though, because i saw the landlords taking pictures of my backyard before i left but didn’t make the connection because imho when pictures of a house has furniture in it, you don’t expect to also get free furniture. some of my coworkers suggested that iata because the house valuation certainly has fallen dramatically because i didn’t tell them i was taking my garden with me, so they couldn’t plan to landscape before lockdown hit. tl;dr aita for moving my garden that i build from my former rental house into my new house, upsetting my former landlords who didn’t expect me to take it with me?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i f(25) have been renting a house since i was 18 (7 years). when i moved in, the backyard was a large piece of dirt, no lawn or anything, just a decently big backyard with a fence all around. it was a cheap but not great house, but i signed because i wanted the backyard space. over the past few years i erected a small garden shed, greenhouse and pizza oven (transportables), planted lots of veggie gardens in big transportable garden beds, and put down some nice pavers, an aquaponics set up, and generally made the backyard a really green and beautiful place to be. it became the green oasis all my friends gathered at. a few months ago, my landlords let me know they were planning to sell, and my final move out day was a week ago. when i left, i brought my garden with me to my new place - nothing in my last backyard was directly planed into the ground, and nothing permanent. i dismantled the sheds and greenhouse, loaded up all the pots and garden beds onto a truck and cleared the backyard in three days with lots of help. my former landlords are furious over this, and demand that i return the backyard to the former state - apparently they’d listed the house for sale with pictures of the backyard and potential buyers were walking away from the house when they saw the barren backyard. they’re accusing me of stealing their plants, and wrecking the backyard. legally i’m fine - my contract said i could garden, and i have photos from the first real estate walkthrough before i moved in that show that the backyard was in the same state as i first found it (although with more fertile soil now probably). the same real estate agent signed off my final inspection, and i got my deposit back. i’ve received mixed responses though, because i saw the landlords taking pictures of my backyard before i left but didn’t make the connection because imho when pictures of a house has furniture in it, you don’t expect to also get free furniture. some of my coworkers suggested that iata because the house valuation certainly has fallen dramatically because i didn’t tell them i was taking my garden with me, so they couldn’t plan to landscape before lockdown hit. tl;dr aita for moving my garden that i build from my former rental house into my new house, upsetting my former landlords who didn’t expect me to take it with me? [/INST] nta. this is a very classic story of landlord trying to benefit of home improvements paid for by the tenant. if your landlord was honest, he would have asked you how much you wanted to leave the garden as it was. you owe him nothing. </s>
AITA for telling relatives how much I make and defending my salary?	over the weekend, i (23f) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who i don’t see very often. my dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and i haven’t either. he’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things. normally i just try to ignore him. however, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car i had shown up in and my new job. i started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and i worked hard for it. i make a lot of money and i’m proud of that. (software engineer.) i recently bought myself my dream car i’ve always wanted. uncle asked “how much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and i just point blank told him how much i make. i guess i was supposed to laugh and say something like “oh, enough” but i told him the number. he started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much. i got pissed and said “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” well, i guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner i received a text from my cousin saying i had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence. my dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said i shouldn’t have said how much money i make or talked to my uncle the way i did because it was impolite. aita?	29,712	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0oqvb/aita_for_telling_relatives_how_much_i_make_and/	2020-07-30 16:08:27	nta. he asked a question. you answered. he insulted you, and you defended yourself. don't dish it out if you can't take it is my motto	nta typical boomer bullshit. you work hard and have skills that companies are willing to pay that much for. good for you. it's not like you were rubbing it in his face either, he was pushing the topic. this just reeks of jealousy, pettiness and insecurities (of your uncle). he was being rude not you.	nta for answering a question, but you should also have a clue now why talking about your salary is probably not a good idea.dont get me wrong, i absolutely believe you deserve it - salary is dependent on demand and supply and if you are a good software engineer, you get a high salary. i (43f) work in a tech company (no software engineer) but am also an expert in my field and i also have a very good salary. i was a freelancer for 10 years before that and also made very good money - so i can afford things like a big apartment and so on and so forth. i stopped talking about the money i earn, including to family because it causes envy and lots of revulsion - in my case mostly from the husbands or boyfriends of my female friends or male relatives. they dont get how a woman can earn this much money (scandalous!!!) bc they compare themselves and 99% of them earn 2/3 of what i earn at best. even though i find it ridiculous and shameful for them, i kinda get it. lets face it: salary is not something that is fair. a nurse, kindergarden-teacher etc. earn much less, but their jobs are at least as important or stressful as mine. the reasons why i earn this much, is bc in the industry i work in there is big money and specialized people earn lots of money. good for me! yes, i earned this through hard work and education and even more hard work - but do i earn it more than my sister who is a very skilled kindergarden-teacher or a nurse? of course not. and those people who get aggitated are comparing themselves with you (and in your case your young age), remember what they earned then and what they earn now and start feeling bad about themselves and find it unfair. its their problem that they cant take a step back and see the big picture, but you can in the future prevent these kind of conflicts or people having bad feelings if you just dont specifically talk about the exact amount. as i said: you are not responsible for the feelings of other people, due to your success - but if you want a peaceful life: dont give out the exact amount, stay vague and say: i earn quite well for my age or i earn good and put money aside or whatever. (unless you want to annoy someone - then go ahead. who asks, gets the answer they deserve) ;) ps: english is not my native language. pps: i just saw that you are female. young, female and sucessful that is even more scandalous!!!!! ;) good for you - you rock!	nta. text him everytime you get a raise	nta, this is the same guy telling young people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. he's just pissed that you did.	nta. >insulted my uncle’s intelligence there was nothing to insult.	nta. he asked a direct question. you provided a direct answer.	just out of curiosity, how much do you make?	nta. he shouldn’t have asked if he was gonna be upset about the answer	i know this is super unpopular, but slight esh. you are pretty fresh out of school and making a ton of money as a software engineer. your uncle is a (possibly?) blue collar worker who has spent a whole career and made a fraction of the amount that you do. now that you are making bank you need to practice a little tact when speaking with those that made considerably less than you. the uncle is a huge ass here mostly stemming from his clear insecurity about his salary, but it's really best not to engage here. you say: “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” the insinuation here is that you work harder and are more valuable than your uncle who has decades of work experience. i don't know what he does, but i do know a ton of skill-based laborers who work their assess off and work way longer hours than most of my software engineering friends. i'm sure you work hard but that's not the reason you are making so much money. the reason you are making so much money is because you are smart, but also you had the opportunity to be trained in an extremely valuable trade. an opportunity that many, possibly your uncle, did not have. although it may be the case that you are now more valuable, economically, than your uncle, it's not something that you should be flaunting in front of him. in a situation like this, simply rise above and don't engage. by arguing that you, a fresh college grad, is more valuable to society than your seasoned uncle is really just twisting a dagger. doesn't matter if it's true or if he provoked it, just avoid the situation and say, "yeah, crazy right?" or "i'm sorry you feel that way". you have nothing to prove or gain from trying to convince him that your salary difference is justified.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	ESH	0.013095	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: over the weekend, i (23f) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who i don’t see very often. my dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and i haven’t either. he’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things. normally i just try to ignore him. however, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car i had shown up in and my new job. i started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and i worked hard for it. i make a lot of money and i’m proud of that. (software engineer.) i recently bought myself my dream car i’ve always wanted. uncle asked “how much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and i just point blank told him how much i make. i guess i was supposed to laugh and say something like “oh, enough” but i told him the number. he started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much. i got pissed and said “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” well, i guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner i received a text from my cousin saying i had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence. my dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said i shouldn’t have said how much money i make or talked to my uncle the way i did because it was impolite. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> over the weekend, i (23f) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who i don’t see very often. my dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and i haven’t either. he’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things. normally i just try to ignore him. however, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car i had shown up in and my new job. i started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and i worked hard for it. i make a lot of money and i’m proud of that. (software engineer.) i recently bought myself my dream car i’ve always wanted. uncle asked “how much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and i just point blank told him how much i make. i guess i was supposed to laugh and say something like “oh, enough” but i told him the number. he started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much. i got pissed and said “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” well, i guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner i received a text from my cousin saying i had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence. my dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said i shouldn’t have said how much money i make or talked to my uncle the way i did because it was impolite. aita? [/INST] nta. he asked a question. you answered. he insulted you, and you defended yourself. don't dish it out if you can't take it is my motto </s>
AITA for telling my father "we'll catch the next one" when he invited me to his wedding?	he's been married 4 times now, and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years. i don't know how he has such a high turnover rate but i'm guessing it's to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist. he invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiancee. i knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers (there are 7 of us total, none have the same mother) said that they had just gotten coffee with dad and met the fiancee, then been invited to the wedding, and both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of 8 and 10 months respectively. dad told me to bring my "partner" when i came for coffee and i brought my (trans) boyfriend along. we have been together for 3 years. the fiancee seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a shit. dad gets all the details of the engagement/wedding out of the way and then asks me, and only me, if i'll be there. i notice that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend, so i say "we will check if we're free". dad replies that "this is family only" i reply, "i just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got plus ones" dad says "that's different. are you coming?" i say "we'll catch the next one". dad's fiancee becomes visibly upset and they leave. dad texts me after that if i can be civil on the day then i can still come alone. i felt like i had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender, and he thanked me at the time but told me that i should probably still go, but after reporting back to my siblings to say what had happened i got mixed responses. the overall opinion was that while i absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend this was some hill to die on and i managed to catch the actually nice fiancee in the crossfire and upset dad, too. aita? info: i am a woman. my boyfriend is trans ftm. despite both of us being straight, dad thinks of us as lesbians due to my boyfriend's biology. of me and my siblings, 3 were within wedlock and the other 4 (including me) were extramarital: 3 affairs, 1 long term girlfriend. the fiancee knows she's #5 and dad gives the same story about how he was tricked into marrying golddiggers by accident and didn't know until too late and the affairs all happened as the relationships were breaking down.	29,708	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eayiq4/aita_for_telling_my_father_well_catch_the_next/	2019-12-15 12:42:08	nta. you stood up for your boyfriend. as unfortunate as it is that the fiancée was caught in the crossfire, she didn’t oppose her soon to be husband’s views, so.	nta, i think it was the best thing you could've done in the situation, especially with the way your dad is. it's a shame that his fiance may have gotten her feelings hurt, but she'll have bigger problems to worry about in a few months when she's sorting through a divorce. i'm sorry that your dad can't be more accepting.	nta, good for you. i hope your boyfriend’s okay. maybe reach out to your dad’s fiancée about the situation too so that she at least knows it’s not about her but instead how your dad was acting.	nta. and for the record "my partner is a human and deserves respect" is not a weird hill to die on	nta because he invited your partner to coffee to make sure to avoid inviting both of you to the wedding. if he had invited you alone or spoken to you privately first, you could have discussed it without hurting anyone's feelings. honestly, i thought it was clever even if it was mean. his new fiancee can't be that offended when she's number 8 at a minimum for marriage and/or children. i get it if she's number 2 or possibly even three, but maybe she needed this wake up to reality.	nta. he invited you and your partner to meet up, and then only invited you to the wedding? that's a dickhead move. i'd say your anger was justified.	nta be civil my ass. it him who isn’t civil. don’t be afraid to ignore toxic people in your life.	you are nta. fck him. who cares who you bring? at least you can keep a relationship for 3 years. is he jealous? trust me, his new in laws are going to be focused on the fact that this is his 4th/5th marriage and that your father has multiple sons all with different mothers. tell him you only want to attend his 5th year anniversary parties. should cut down on the wedding spam.	nta this is a hill to die on issue. you’ve been together longer than your 2 of your siblings relationships, likely longer than the engaged couple but he excludes you from having a plus one? that’s insulting. text your dad, “you gave plus ones to my brothers who have been with their girlfriends for less than a year. i’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and it’s insulting not include him. this is why i’m not going. you want me to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting mine. it’s hypocritical and doesn’t sit right with me.”	esh. your dad for excluding your boyfriend but also you because your defence also hurt his fiancée who, by all accounts, seemed kind and accepting of your boyfriend.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	0.010125	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: he's been married 4 times now, and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years. i don't know how he has such a high turnover rate but i'm guessing it's to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist. he invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiancee. i knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers (there are 7 of us total, none have the same mother) said that they had just gotten coffee with dad and met the fiancee, then been invited to the wedding, and both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of 8 and 10 months respectively. dad told me to bring my "partner" when i came for coffee and i brought my (trans) boyfriend along. we have been together for 3 years. the fiancee seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a shit. dad gets all the details of the engagement/wedding out of the way and then asks me, and only me, if i'll be there. i notice that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend, so i say "we* will check if we're free". dad replies that "this is family only" i reply, "i just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got plus ones" dad says "that's different. are you coming?" i say "we'll catch the next one". dad's fiancee becomes visibly upset and they leave. dad texts me after that if i can be civil on the day then i can still come alone. i felt like i had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender, and he thanked me at the time but told me that i should probably still go, but after reporting back to my siblings to say what had happened i got mixed responses. the overall opinion was that while i absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend this was some hill to die on and i managed to catch the actually nice fiancee in the crossfire and upset dad, too. aita? info: i am a woman. my boyfriend is trans ftm. despite both of us being straight, dad thinks of us as lesbians due to my boyfriend's biology. of me and my siblings, 3 were within wedlock and the other 4 (including me) were extramarital: 3 affairs, 1 long term girlfriend. the fiancee knows she's #5 and dad gives the same story about how he was tricked into marrying golddiggers by accident and didn't know until too late and the affairs all happened as the relationships were breaking down.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> he's been married 4 times now, and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years. i don't know how he has such a high turnover rate but i'm guessing it's to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist. he invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiancee. i knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers (there are 7 of us total, none have the same mother) said that they had just gotten coffee with dad and met the fiancee, then been invited to the wedding, and both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of 8 and 10 months respectively. dad told me to bring my "partner" when i came for coffee and i brought my (trans) boyfriend along. we have been together for 3 years. the fiancee seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a shit. dad gets all the details of the engagement/wedding out of the way and then asks me, and only me, if i'll be there. i notice that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend, so i say "we* will check if we're free". dad replies that "this is family only" i reply, "i just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got plus ones" dad says "that's different. are you coming?" i say "we'll catch the next one". dad's fiancee becomes visibly upset and they leave. dad texts me after that if i can be civil on the day then i can still come alone. i felt like i had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender, and he thanked me at the time but told me that i should probably still go, but after reporting back to my siblings to say what had happened i got mixed responses. the overall opinion was that while i absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend this was some hill to die on and i managed to catch the actually nice fiancee in the crossfire and upset dad, too. aita? info: i am a woman. my boyfriend is trans ftm. despite both of us being straight, dad thinks of us as lesbians due to my boyfriend's biology. of me and my siblings, 3 were within wedlock and the other 4 (including me) were extramarital: 3 affairs, 1 long term girlfriend. the fiancee knows she's #5 and dad gives the same story about how he was tricked into marrying golddiggers by accident and didn't know until too late and the affairs all happened as the relationships were breaking down. [/INST] nta. you stood up for your boyfriend. as unfortunate as it is that the fiancée was caught in the crossfire, she didn’t oppose her soon to be husband’s views, so. </s>
AITA for serving a pregnant woman a non-alcoholic cocktail?	i have waited tables for the last three years. during my shift last night, a group of four women in their late 20s came in. they were a pleasure to have as customers. they ordered four of our house cocktails to start with and then went over the menu for their entrees. when i was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, i walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along. when i rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant. i figured her having one drink wasn't a big deal. they ordered their entrees and i went off to handle other tables. about five minutes later, they called me over again and asked for another round. at this point i started getting concerned, but i took the order and cheerfully said i'd be right back. this time, i went to the bartender, and asked him to make one of them a virgin cocktail. he was confused but since he's a good friend of mine, i told him to just trust me. a few cocktails later (hers strictly virgin) they started getting rowdy, and mrs. pregnant woman was also getting into it. i figured that since she didn't notice, things were ok. the problem came when i took them their check, and they asked to split the bill at the register. when mrs. pregnant woman got to the counter, i saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin). my bartender had edited each in the system for inventory. it was too late for me to edit them back, so i just had her pay, hoping that she wouldn't look at the receipt. they all thanked me and left, leaving a generous tip in the process. they were talking in the parking lot for the next short while, presumably waiting for an uber. several minutes later mrs. pregnant woman came back and asked what (virgin) on the receipt meant. i fessed up that it meant non-alcoholic. she blank stared me for a few seconds and then asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. i said no, but told her that i assumed she wanted one seeing as she was pregnant. it was a lame lie and i'll admit it, but she looked me in the eye and asked me to return her part of the tip. i did so. then she talked to my manager. my manager took me into her office and literally shrieked at me until hoarse. i stood my ground and told her that i'm not going to be responsible for fas. she told me that she was taking me off the calendar until she decided what to do with me. she also informed me that i could get the restaurant in serious trouble for discrimination, and upon examination of my state's laws, she is correct. but when i talked to my mother and father about it tonight, they told me that they understood my position. the entire staff at the restaurant is against me and i think that i'm going to call in and tell my manager that i quit, but i still feel in the right here. i would like some perspective on this and if i'm the asshole here.	29,701	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ch3vqi/aita_for_serving_a_pregnant_woman_a_nonalcoholic/	2019-07-24 05:20:24	esh but you had good intentions. she sucks for obvious reasons, you suck because you had no way to prove she was a pregnant, you altered her drink without informing her, and you made a big decision without speaking to your manager.	yta. unless you saw the woman pee on a pregnancy test, you had no way of knowing for sure that she was pregnant. she could have been talking about someone else, a past pregnancy, or she could be planning to terminate the pregnancy. that wasn’t your call to make.	yta. i've spent most of my working years in food service, and half of that time has been in management. if i was your manager, i would've fired you on the spot. while i agree that pregnant women shouldn't be drinking, you never change a customer's order without their consent. if you had an issue with her drinking, you should have taken it to your manager and let her deal with the situation.	yta. you don’t get to decide what another person of legal age decides to consume. mind your own business.	yta if you don't want to serve her, don't serve her, but don't try to trick her for her own good. you would not be the asshole if you had told her what you heard and said you didn't feel comfortable serving her alcohol. you also could've cut them all off once you saw that they were intoxicated. that would be actually living up to your convictions and dealing with the consequences.	yta here, you made a lot of assumptions about a woman and a situation you don't know anything about - she might not want to keep it, but ultimately it's not up to you to decide what she can or can't put into her body. in my opinion that was a pretty big violation of her freedom of choice. you did it for the right reasons i'll grant you that, but that doesn't make what you did right.	nta. the fact that so many people think that you were rude for this is disgusting.	yta here. strictly because of how much trouble you can get the whole restaurant into for discrimination. it sucks majorly, i know that’s a shitty position to be in. but i grew up around the bar and casino industry in mississippi, and if your morals won’t allow you to serve a pregnant woman alcohol, you tell another server or your manager and get someone else to serve her. is that lady making a crappy choice? likely. but is it worth the shit storm that could happen to the restaurant, the potential closures and legal fees you might have brought down on your manager and coworkers? not really.	what the flying fuck?? it’s esh if she has a viable pregnancy. women who drink while pregnant disgust me to no end. i’ve seen fas. i can’t believe anyone would willingly do that to their child.	yta altho it may have seemed like the right thing to do its not your call to make, if you had a problem serving her you could have taken it to the manager and told the manager the situation, by taking matters into your own hand you are risking everyone of your coworkers jobs. if she wants to be an absolute bitch she could also have the restaurant charged with fraud or "bait and switch" (she ordered an alcoholic drink and was given one without alcohol without being told) they probably wouldn't find in her favor but it would cost you and the company alot of money and time to fight also "it was too late for me to edit them back" shows that you were willing to charge her full price and lie that she had been served alcohol when she hadnt	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	0.054	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have waited tables for the last three years. during my shift last night, a group of four women in their late 20s came in. they were a pleasure to have as customers. they ordered four of our house cocktails to start with and then went over the menu for their entrees. when i was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, i walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along. when i rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant. i figured her having one drink wasn't a big deal. they ordered their entrees and i went off to handle other tables. about five minutes later, they called me over again and asked for another round. at this point i started getting concerned, but i took the order and cheerfully said i'd be right back. this time, i went to the bartender, and asked him to make one of them a virgin cocktail. he was confused but since he's a good friend of mine, i told him to just trust me. a few cocktails later (hers strictly virgin) they started getting rowdy, and mrs. pregnant woman was also getting into it. i figured that since she didn't notice, things were ok. the problem came when i took them their check, and they asked to split the bill at the register. when mrs. pregnant woman got to the counter, i saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin). my bartender had edited each in the system for inventory. it was too late for me to edit them back, so i just had her pay, hoping that she wouldn't look at the receipt. they all thanked me and left, leaving a generous tip in the process. they were talking in the parking lot for the next short while, presumably waiting for an uber. several minutes later mrs. pregnant woman came back and asked what (virgin) on the receipt meant. i fessed up that it meant non-alcoholic. she blank stared me for a few seconds and then asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. i said no, but told her that i assumed she wanted one seeing as she was pregnant. it was a lame lie and i'll admit it, but she looked me in the eye and asked me to return her part of the tip. i did so. then she talked to my manager. my manager took me into her office and literally shrieked at me until hoarse. i stood my ground and told her that i'm not going to be responsible for fas. she told me that she was taking me off the calendar until she decided what to do with me. she also informed me that i could get the restaurant in serious trouble for discrimination, and upon examination of my state's laws, she is correct. but when i talked to my mother and father about it tonight, they told me that they understood my position. the entire staff at the restaurant is against me and i think that i'm going to call in and tell my manager that i quit, but i still feel in the right here. i would like some perspective on this and if i'm the asshole here.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have waited tables for the last three years. during my shift last night, a group of four women in their late 20s came in. they were a pleasure to have as customers. they ordered four of our house cocktails to start with and then went over the menu for their entrees. when i was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, i walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along. when i rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant. i figured her having one drink wasn't a big deal. they ordered their entrees and i went off to handle other tables. about five minutes later, they called me over again and asked for another round. at this point i started getting concerned, but i took the order and cheerfully said i'd be right back. this time, i went to the bartender, and asked him to make one of them a virgin cocktail. he was confused but since he's a good friend of mine, i told him to just trust me. a few cocktails later (hers strictly virgin) they started getting rowdy, and mrs. pregnant woman was also getting into it. i figured that since she didn't notice, things were ok. the problem came when i took them their check, and they asked to split the bill at the register. when mrs. pregnant woman got to the counter, i saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin). my bartender had edited each in the system for inventory. it was too late for me to edit them back, so i just had her pay, hoping that she wouldn't look at the receipt. they all thanked me and left, leaving a generous tip in the process. they were talking in the parking lot for the next short while, presumably waiting for an uber. several minutes later mrs. pregnant woman came back and asked what (virgin) on the receipt meant. i fessed up that it meant non-alcoholic. she blank stared me for a few seconds and then asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. i said no, but told her that i assumed she wanted one seeing as she was pregnant. it was a lame lie and i'll admit it, but she looked me in the eye and asked me to return her part of the tip. i did so. then she talked to my manager. my manager took me into her office and literally shrieked at me until hoarse. i stood my ground and told her that i'm not going to be responsible for fas. she told me that she was taking me off the calendar until she decided what to do with me. she also informed me that i could get the restaurant in serious trouble for discrimination, and upon examination of my state's laws, she is correct. but when i talked to my mother and father about it tonight, they told me that they understood my position. the entire staff at the restaurant is against me and i think that i'm going to call in and tell my manager that i quit, but i still feel in the right here. i would like some perspective on this and if i'm the asshole here. [/INST] esh but you had good intentions. she sucks for obvious reasons, you suck because you had no way to prove she was a pregnant, you altered her drink without informing her, and you made a big decision without speaking to your manager. </s>
AITA For Making A "Pregnancy Jar"?	my husband and i have been married for 6 years. still don't have kids (we want them but it still not happening). friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon but it's obviously something we can't control. we only wished that they'd stop but to no avail. so what i did was come up with idea (stupid i know) and that is have an empty jar and call it "pregnancy jar". i carry it with me in my bag whenever i'm with friends and family and everytime someone asks about when my husband and i are gonna have a baby, i pull my jar out and ask them to drop a dollar in there for asking. i'd get puzzled looks but they reach out for their pockets/wallets/purses and pull out a dollar and out it inside the jar. it actually worked because most of thrm stopped asking after 4 months. last week we had dinner at my parents house, my brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month and while we were eating he asked when me and my husband were going to have a kid. my husband paused, i got up from the chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question he asked, he stared at me then laughed nervously asking if i was being serious. everyone was looking at us. he said no, he didn't have to pay me but i told him he didn't have to ask either so here we are!. i could tell he felt embarrassed he immediately reached out to his pocket, pulled out his wallet and put a dollar in my jar. i made my way back to my seat and sat down and resumed eating like nothing happened. it got awkward afterward. mom pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that i embarrassed my brother infront of his wife and family and said i should quit acting childish by running around with a jar demanding others to put money in it, i told her they should quit asking then. she went on about how they're just worried for us since we are in mid 30s and don't have much time left if we want at least one healthy baby. i got upset and she started arguing. my husband and i left and we haven't seen them in days, except i got a call from my sister basically siding with mom and the others saying i'm being childish. so aita for this? [	29,672	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ufbbvv/aita_for_making_a_pregnancy_jar/	2022-04-30 13:41:35	nta. how creative! “i don’t have to pay you.” “yeah well you didn’t have to ask something that’s none of your business but here we are” love it.	nta furthermore, op, i will be stealing this idea for both myself and anyone i ever advise on the issue. it.is.brilliant. it is because it does exactly what happened: it brings the absurdity of the question (and by extension the questioner) to an even more absurd plane. you have figured out how to "outcrazy' people that ask without looking crazy yourself. bravo and i regret i have ~~not~~ but one upvote to give.	nta mom owes the jar a dollar. people need to quit asking people when/if they are having a kid or having another kid. if they want a kid, they are probably struggling with fertility, working through that process, and it's difficult enough without people asking. if they dont, that's fine too.	nta i make it awkward. "oh dear. maybe we are doing it right. what positions do you recommend that really make it work?" "honey, do you think you should go deeper when we try to make a baby?" you get the point lol man do they shut up after that. its amazing.	nta&#10; &#10; not only nta, but a beautiful way to make a point that words apparently don't.&#10; &#10; and you can use it to get yourself a spite snack!	nta, and i'm gonna say your mom ought to drop at least a ten in there for her lecture!	is anyone else impressed that her family and friends have a dollar in cash on them? i'd be like "do you take credit or can i venmo it to you?" nta of course	nta this is brilliant! at age 21, i married my husband in 1997. in his family of eight children, if you were married, you were starting a family. we went through years and years and years of enduring the question of "when are you having kids?" when are you going to start a family?", etc. what they didn't know what that i had pcos and couldn't get pregnant. and frankly, i wasn't interested in sharing it with them. at age 39, after 19 years of marriage, we were shocked to learn that i was pregnant. three days after turning 40, i had my son. a year later at a wedding of one of his niece's, i was talking with a different niece with my son on my lap, and mentioned at our table (where most everyone could hear) how painful it was to be asked over and over again when we were having children, knowing i couldn't get pregnant. there were a lot of people who looked down at their plates and played with their food for a few minutes after that. but it needs to be more clear: other people's reproductivity \[or plans for or to\] is nobody's business and should not be asked about.	nta. you asked them to stop. as someone with fertility issues, this is a very sensitive topic. anytime someone asked me about having kids i'd always burst into tears. it's not ok to keep hounding people about babies. your pregnancy jar sounds funny! it's like a swear jar but for nosy baby questions.	ntfa!!!!! if they want you to have a baby so bad, they can pay for it 🤣 not only that but who fucking asks that?? knowing you’re having trouble??? id put a big label on it and in sharpie write “the rude and stupid fuckin question jar”. put that shit on the table where everyone in the room can see it. then up the ante to $10 🤷🏼‍♀️	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i have been married for 6 years. still don't have kids (we want them but it still not happening). friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon but it's obviously something we can't control. we only wished that they'd stop but to no avail. so what i did was come up with idea (stupid i know) and that is have an empty jar and call it "pregnancy jar". i carry it with me in my bag whenever i'm with friends and family and everytime someone asks about when my husband and i are gonna have a baby, i pull my jar out and ask them to drop a dollar in there for asking. i'd get puzzled looks but they reach out for their pockets/wallets/purses and pull out a dollar and out it inside the jar. it actually worked because most of thrm stopped asking after 4 months. last week we had dinner at my parents house, my brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month and while we were eating he asked when me and my husband were going to have a kid. my husband paused, i got up from the chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question he asked, he stared at me then laughed nervously asking if i was being serious. everyone was looking at us. he said no, he didn't have to pay me but i told him he didn't have to ask either so here we are!. i could tell he felt embarrassed he immediately reached out to his pocket, pulled out his wallet and put a dollar in my jar. i made my way back to my seat and sat down and resumed eating like nothing happened. it got awkward afterward. mom pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that i embarrassed my brother infront of his wife and family and said i should quit acting childish by running around with a jar demanding others to put money in it, i told her they should quit asking then. she went on about how they're just worried for us since we are in mid 30s and don't have much time left if we want at least one healthy baby. i got upset and she started arguing. my husband and i left and we haven't seen them in days, except i got a call from my sister basically siding with mom and the others saying i'm being childish. so aita for this? [	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband and i have been married for 6 years. still don't have kids (we want them but it still not happening). friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon but it's obviously something we can't control. we only wished that they'd stop but to no avail. so what i did was come up with idea (stupid i know) and that is have an empty jar and call it "pregnancy jar". i carry it with me in my bag whenever i'm with friends and family and everytime someone asks about when my husband and i are gonna have a baby, i pull my jar out and ask them to drop a dollar in there for asking. i'd get puzzled looks but they reach out for their pockets/wallets/purses and pull out a dollar and out it inside the jar. it actually worked because most of thrm stopped asking after 4 months. last week we had dinner at my parents house, my brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month and while we were eating he asked when me and my husband were going to have a kid. my husband paused, i got up from the chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question he asked, he stared at me then laughed nervously asking if i was being serious. everyone was looking at us. he said no, he didn't have to pay me but i told him he didn't have to ask either so here we are!. i could tell he felt embarrassed he immediately reached out to his pocket, pulled out his wallet and put a dollar in my jar. i made my way back to my seat and sat down and resumed eating like nothing happened. it got awkward afterward. mom pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that i embarrassed my brother infront of his wife and family and said i should quit acting childish by running around with a jar demanding others to put money in it, i told her they should quit asking then. she went on about how they're just worried for us since we are in mid 30s and don't have much time left if we want at least one healthy baby. i got upset and she started arguing. my husband and i left and we haven't seen them in days, except i got a call from my sister basically siding with mom and the others saying i'm being childish. so aita for this? [ [/INST] nta. how creative! “i don’t have to pay you.” “yeah well you didn’t have to ask something that’s none of your business but here we are” love it. </s>
AITA for telling my daughter the truth about why I wasn’t in her life?	to start, my ex and i were 19 when she got pregnant. we had recently broke up and she found out a couple weeks later that she was pregnant. she said she planned to get an abortion but only wanted her sister there. so i was always under the belief that she had aborted. she only contacted me once saying it was done and we didn’t speak again. fast forward 19 yrs later, i found out a month ago that was a lie. my ex passed away 3 years ago and my daughter kara has been living with her uncle. he was the one to reach out to give me a heads up after she expressed an interest in wanting us to connect. he and i spoke at length because i was feeling some pretty strong emotions like rage for never being told about her. my ex had backed out of the abortion but didn’t want me involved because we were broken up so decided just not to tell me. but he told me that kara doesn’t know about that. apparently i wasn’t ready for fatherhood because we were both young so i bailed. i couldn’t believe it. rob (her uncle) told me he knows his sister was wrong for that but promised kara doesn’t have any negative feelings towards me and my ex never painted me as some villain, just a young guy who knew he couldn’t properly care for her. he asked me not to tell kara this when we talk if she asks and because it could hurt the way she saw her mom. i never actually confirmed i would. kara messaged me and we’ve been talking. i’ve met her twice and it’s been crazy emotional. looking at this girl who looks just like me and hurting that we’re just barely getting to know each other so far our conversations have only been about what her life was like, how my life is, what her wants/future goals are, and getting to know each other. we met again tuesday and she finally decided to ask the obvious questions about what made me not be involved. how did i feel, what went through my mind, did i ever think about her,etc. i had been thinking about what to do but in that moment i just didn’t have it in me to lie so i was honest. that i was told about the abortion, had no idea she even existed until now, but that i still really want to be in her life and have the chance to be her father if she wants that. kara was a bit emotional, we talked some more, and said she still wants me involved. that night my messages were blowing up. not just from rob but her grandparents as well. they’re all outraged for telling kara about her mom because she yelled at all of them and is refusing to even take their calls. yes, the lie was terrible but i just ruined the image she had of her late mother for my own benefit. rob called me a selfish dick for not taking into consideration how this would affect kara finding out about this. so right now i feel like shit. i get “honesty is the best policy” but in this case i don’t know if i was an asshole for doing it. i’m still learning this whole “dad” business so don’t know if i dropped the ball here.	29,642	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ln04z1/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_the_truth_about_why/	2021-02-18 23:09:36	nta! your ex lied, your ex created this mess. i’m sorry she has passed, but she did this. you have no obligation to continue a lie you had no part of. your daughter deserved the truth.	you said "fast forward 19 yrs later"? so your daughter is 19 now. she's an adult and deserves to know the truth. you should not be expected to make yourself out to be a deadbeat dad just to avoid tainting the memory of her mother. nta.	nta. the people who lied to her for her entire life are to blame for her being upset at the lies. you are not obligated to take the heat for the lies of others. i do hope you are planning on staying in her life now, it would be shitty to drop that info and disappear, but if you stick around she deserves to know the truth so that your newly-found connection isn't built on a lie from the start.	nta. how terrible for both you and your daughter. you didn't ruin the image of her mom, you told her the truth. her mom decided not to abort her and must have loved her immensely. as for the whole family cover up, she has ever right to be mad. she missed out on 19 years with you because of it. i have to ask though, is there a reason why mom didn't want you in the daughter's life then? was it a bad breakup? it seems like something is missing here.	nta- not to speak ill of the dead, but kara's mother did this to herself. it was unfair to both you and kara to keep you apart for all these years, and doubly unfair to expect you to maintain a lie. will it be painful for kara to process this, and reconcile the truth with her own image of her mother/family? absolutely. however, the truth is the truth. i hope you and kara continue to build a strong bond!	nta. your ex robbed you and kara of 19 years of relationship together. that is a lot to rebuild. to also have kara believe you left is asking too much. you can't build a solid foundation on a lie. you can now discuss with kara, how her mom thought she was doing the best, even if you both disagree. and that her family followed her mom, and there's no need to punish them. they could have lied again and tell her "we didn't really know the guy", instead of letting you know so you both can establish a relationship. i wish you the very best; you have lots to catch up.	nta. did ‘rob’ ever call his sister a selfish dick for keeping her child from her father and vice versa ?!?	nta. kara will have to reconcile what she now knows with how she feels about her mother, likely with the help of a therapist, but she deserves to know the truth. her entire life has had a massive lie at the heart of it up until this point; imagine trying to keep up that lie while building a relationship with your daughter. that would be unforgivable, imo, and for what? her mother’s family need to face up to what your ex did, and the part they’ve played in it for the past 19 years. and they can start by acknowledging that you are not the bad guy here.	nta. so... someone lied to you and your daughter denying you a relationship that should've existed her entire life and they're blaming you for the fallout that occurs because you clarified it? no. rob does not get to call you anything. her grandparents also. you are her father and they cut you out of her life for 19 years. they can take the fallout for that.	nta she deserved to know , it’s her life not theirs	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: to start, my ex and i were 19 when she got pregnant. we had recently broke up and she found out a couple weeks later that she was pregnant. she said she planned to get an abortion but only wanted her sister there. so i was always under the belief that she had aborted. she only contacted me once saying it was done and we didn’t speak again. fast forward 19 yrs later, i found out a month ago that was a lie. my ex passed away 3 years ago and my daughter kara has been living with her uncle. he was the one to reach out to give me a heads up after she expressed an interest in wanting us to connect. he and i spoke at length because i was feeling some pretty strong emotions like rage for never being told about her. my ex had backed out of the abortion but didn’t want me involved because we were broken up so decided just not to tell me. but he told me that kara doesn’t know about that. apparently i wasn’t ready for fatherhood because we were both young so i bailed. i couldn’t believe it. rob (her uncle) told me he knows his sister was wrong for that but promised kara doesn’t have any negative feelings towards me and my ex never painted me as some villain, just a young guy who knew he couldn’t properly care for her. he asked me not to tell kara this when we talk if she asks and because it could hurt the way she saw her mom. i never actually confirmed i would. kara messaged me and we’ve been talking. i’ve met her twice and it’s been crazy emotional. looking at this girl who looks just like me and hurting that we’re just barely getting to know each other so far our conversations have only been about what her life was like, how my life is, what her wants/future goals are, and getting to know each other. we met again tuesday and she finally decided to ask the obvious questions about what made me not be involved. how did i feel, what went through my mind, did i ever think about her,etc. i had been thinking about what to do but in that moment i just didn’t have it in me to lie so i was honest. that i was told about the abortion, had no idea she even existed until now, but that i still really want to be in her life and have the chance to be her father if she wants that. kara was a bit emotional, we talked some more, and said she still wants me involved. that night my messages were blowing up. not just from rob but her grandparents as well. they’re all outraged for telling kara about her mom because she yelled at all of them and is refusing to even take their calls. yes, the lie was terrible but i just ruined the image she had of her late mother for my own benefit. rob called me a selfish dick for not taking into consideration how this would affect kara finding out about this. so right now i feel like shit. i get “honesty is the best policy” but in this case i don’t know if i was an asshole for doing it. i’m still learning this whole “dad” business so don’t know if i dropped the ball here.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> to start, my ex and i were 19 when she got pregnant. we had recently broke up and she found out a couple weeks later that she was pregnant. she said she planned to get an abortion but only wanted her sister there. so i was always under the belief that she had aborted. she only contacted me once saying it was done and we didn’t speak again. fast forward 19 yrs later, i found out a month ago that was a lie. my ex passed away 3 years ago and my daughter kara has been living with her uncle. he was the one to reach out to give me a heads up after she expressed an interest in wanting us to connect. he and i spoke at length because i was feeling some pretty strong emotions like rage for never being told about her. my ex had backed out of the abortion but didn’t want me involved because we were broken up so decided just not to tell me. but he told me that kara doesn’t know about that. apparently i wasn’t ready for fatherhood because we were both young so i bailed. i couldn’t believe it. rob (her uncle) told me he knows his sister was wrong for that but promised kara doesn’t have any negative feelings towards me and my ex never painted me as some villain, just a young guy who knew he couldn’t properly care for her. he asked me not to tell kara this when we talk if she asks and because it could hurt the way she saw her mom. i never actually confirmed i would. kara messaged me and we’ve been talking. i’ve met her twice and it’s been crazy emotional. looking at this girl who looks just like me and hurting that we’re just barely getting to know each other so far our conversations have only been about what her life was like, how my life is, what her wants/future goals are, and getting to know each other. we met again tuesday and she finally decided to ask the obvious questions about what made me not be involved. how did i feel, what went through my mind, did i ever think about her,etc. i had been thinking about what to do but in that moment i just didn’t have it in me to lie so i was honest. that i was told about the abortion, had no idea she even existed until now, but that i still really want to be in her life and have the chance to be her father if she wants that. kara was a bit emotional, we talked some more, and said she still wants me involved. that night my messages were blowing up. not just from rob but her grandparents as well. they’re all outraged for telling kara about her mom because she yelled at all of them and is refusing to even take their calls. yes, the lie was terrible but i just ruined the image she had of her late mother for my own benefit. rob called me a selfish dick for not taking into consideration how this would affect kara finding out about this. so right now i feel like shit. i get “honesty is the best policy” but in this case i don’t know if i was an asshole for doing it. i’m still learning this whole “dad” business so don’t know if i dropped the ball here. [/INST] nta! your ex lied, your ex created this mess. i’m sorry she has passed, but she did this. you have no obligation to continue a lie you had no part of. your daughter deserved the truth. </s>
AITA for making a big deal about 1 extra credit point on my child's test?	my daughter had a spelling test which included some holiday words for extra credit. one of the words was "chanukah". my daughter spelled it the way i just did, but the teacher marked it wrong and corrected it to "hanukkah". she said to my daughter "you're jewish and you don't know how to spell hanukkah?" i think she meant it jokingly but my daughter was annoyed. my daughter told the teacher that chanukah is correct, but the teacher didn't believe her. i told the teacher that chanukah was also correct and that my daughter should get the point, and the teacher argued with me, saying that hanukkah is more correct because it's more commonly used than chanukah. i said if any spelling is more correct it would be chanukah because the ch represents the sound from the back of the throat you're supposed to make. the teacher agreed to correct the test but seemed really sour about it and said she was just trying to be inclusive. i said i appreciate that but she should keep in mind that if the word isn't in english that there might be multiple acceptable spellings for it and that they should all be given credit. my husband says i overreacted. honestly i probably wouldn't have bothered so much if the word was something else, but i resented the teacher, who isn't jewish, arguing with me and my daughter about how to spell our own holiday.	29,543	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kb4og9/aita_for_making_a_big_deal_about_1_extra_credit/	2020-12-11 15:18:50	nta. you didn't make a big deal about 1 credit point. you made a big deal out of a teacher that incorrectly told your kid she was wrong when she wasn't, and she wouldn't listen to your daughters explanation. you just taught your daughter that if she's being treated unfairly, you have her back. you did well.	nta lol my own jewish blood boiled at the thought of a [non-jewish] teacher thinking it’s “inclusive” to mark a jewish child’s transliteration of a hebrew word wrong	nta, and what??? your teacher, who is not jewish, is lecturing you and your jewish family on the correct spelling of a holiday she doesn't celebrate? you handled it far more calmly than i would have.	nta. your daughter was correct. the teacher is uneducated. you responded to a teacher trying to pass off her lack of education as a fact when shes just wrong. she also thought mocking a kid was acceptable? heck no report her. that is not inclusive- just insensitive	nta. the way she joked about your daughter not knowing how to spell her own holiday is pretty far over the line. she wants a cookie for being inclusive? fuck that. its not okay to simply add a dreidel song to class and be like yay inclusive while hosting a christmas pageant for all of december, its not a feather in your hat to add chanukah to the spelling test. 😑	nta. the teacher should have known that both are commonly used in america for hanukkah. i would be more upset by her saying to your daughter “you are jewish and don’t know how to spell hanukkah?” that is over the line, judgements, tone deaf, and inappropriate - as well as inaccurate. she could have used this as a teaching moment to the class (and herself) about language and translation, but she chose to be ignorant instead.	nta being inclusive doesnt mean picking and choosing parts you like or want to show/teach kids just because chanukah isnt as commonly used doesnt mean its incorrect, its just not the spelling people tend to reach for for whatever reason a lot of words in other languages and religions have multiple spellings that are all correct and its actually pretty important to teach these kids that there may be more than one way to spell it maybe because of the way the grammar of the language worked or how it gets translated in the first place also hope you have a good chanukah!	nta. if she wants to be "inclusive," she should accept the correction from the person whose holiday it actually is.	aren’t there over half a dozen “correct” ways to spell chanukah? nta	the way i'm interpreting your motivation, it wasn't about the point, it was about the teacher's cultural insensitivity. so nta.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter had a spelling test which included some holiday words for extra credit. one of the words was "chanukah". my daughter spelled it the way i just did, but the teacher marked it wrong and corrected it to "hanukkah". she said to my daughter "you're jewish and you don't know how to spell hanukkah?" i think she meant it jokingly but my daughter was annoyed. my daughter told the teacher that chanukah is correct, but the teacher didn't believe her. i told the teacher that chanukah was also correct and that my daughter should get the point, and the teacher argued with me, saying that hanukkah is more correct because it's more commonly used than chanukah. i said if any spelling is more correct it would be chanukah because the ch represents the sound from the back of the throat you're supposed to make. the teacher agreed to correct the test but seemed really sour about it and said she was just trying to be inclusive. i said i appreciate that but she should keep in mind that if the word isn't in english that there might be multiple acceptable spellings for it and that they should all be given credit. my husband says i overreacted. honestly i probably wouldn't have bothered so much if the word was something else, but i resented the teacher, who isn't jewish, arguing with me and my daughter about how to spell our own holiday.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my daughter had a spelling test which included some holiday words for extra credit. one of the words was "chanukah". my daughter spelled it the way i just did, but the teacher marked it wrong and corrected it to "hanukkah". she said to my daughter "you're jewish and you don't know how to spell hanukkah?" i think she meant it jokingly but my daughter was annoyed. my daughter told the teacher that chanukah is correct, but the teacher didn't believe her. i told the teacher that chanukah was also correct and that my daughter should get the point, and the teacher argued with me, saying that hanukkah is more correct because it's more commonly used than chanukah. i said if any spelling is more correct it would be chanukah because the ch represents the sound from the back of the throat you're supposed to make. the teacher agreed to correct the test but seemed really sour about it and said she was just trying to be inclusive. i said i appreciate that but she should keep in mind that if the word isn't in english that there might be multiple acceptable spellings for it and that they should all be given credit. my husband says i overreacted. honestly i probably wouldn't have bothered so much if the word was something else, but i resented the teacher, who isn't jewish, arguing with me and my daughter about how to spell our own holiday. [/INST] nta. you didn't make a big deal about 1 credit point. you made a big deal out of a teacher that incorrectly told your kid she was wrong when she wasn't, and she wouldn't listen to your daughters explanation. you just taught your daughter that if she's being treated unfairly, you have her back. you did well. </s>
AITA for "mansplaining" vaginas to a woman?	this happened a few months ago, but my brain won't let this one go. so i was hanging out with some friends. two guys, one woman. we're all in our early 20s and have had our fair share of romance in life. the topic of sex popped up and we start talking about some of our past experiences. one guy joked about how having sex only made his dick bigger and bigger. we all laughed and he said that he wished that's how it works. my female friend (let's call her sarah) piped up and said "yeah, for women, it's the complete opposite. the more sex you have, the bigger your labia gets and the looser you become." there were some chuckles, but then i asked her if she was serious. she said she was. now, this is a big myth. i was surprised a woman who has had some experience actually believes that. i basically told her this, and then she started getting annoyed, asking "how me and my dick knows about that". i said the same way i know anything about female anatomy- i've read up on it. the whole "women get looser" thing is something sexist dudes made up to slut-shame women. my other friends were silent on this. she then just said: "whatever, i'm not in the mood for your mansplaining." so i'm at a loss here. aita for explaining something that i feel like people should just know about?	29,538	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwxbxu/aita_for_mansplaining_vaginas_to_a_woman/	2020-06-05 04:00:42	nta. as a woman, i’m asking you to please keep telling it to the girls who don’t know. women need to understand their anatomy!! sorry, pet peeve of mine.	nta. you're right, she's not, simple as that. just because you know more about female anatomy than she does doesn't make it sexist. i always took "mansplaining" as a guy automatically assuming a woman knows less about a topic because of her gender. i've had this done to me over computers parts before, and it drove me nuts. however, you weren't assuming her knowledge based on her gender, you were correcting her on something very wrong, and as as you said, pretty sexist. i don't see anything wrong there.	nta- ignorant friend who wants to make you feel bad for knowing something about anatomy	nta thank you for trying to bust this myth.	nta. it's not mansplaining when someone is perpetuating an actually harmful and absolutely sexist myth about human anatomy. you're doing the good work.	nta. you were giving a proper explanation based on facts on a subject she didn't fully understand. she was probably just embarrassed she was wrong and tried to take it out on you.	nta she was probably embarrassed. but if what you posted is the extent of what you said you are not an asshole. slit shaming is real and very damaging.	nta "mansplaining" last i checked was supposed to be for situations where the woman in question is actually knowledgeable and being treated as ignorant because she's a woman, not situations where the woman is ignorant and doesn't want to be educated by a man.	nta- because you were right. you’re educated on the topic and offered your knowledge which is accurate. what she said is a wives tale. you were being earnest and had good intentions, and i’m sure any gynecologist would tell her that the vagina does not stretch and wear out due to sex.	nah. you aren‘t an asshole and she isn‘t an asshole, just an idiot. and you‘re right, obviously. send your friend a link to r/badwomensanatomy	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a few months ago, but my brain won't let this one go. so i was hanging out with some friends. two guys, one woman. we're all in our early 20s and have had our fair share of romance in life. the topic of sex popped up and we start talking about some of our past experiences. one guy joked about how having sex only made his dick bigger and bigger. we all laughed and he said that he wished that's how it works. my female friend (let's call her sarah) piped up and said "yeah, for women, it's the complete opposite. the more sex you have, the bigger your labia gets and the looser you become." there were some chuckles, but then i asked her if she was serious. she said she was. now, this is a big myth. i was surprised a woman who has had some experience actually believes that. i basically told her this, and then she started getting annoyed, asking "how me and my dick knows about that". i said the same way i know anything about female anatomy- i've read up on it. the whole "women get looser" thing is something sexist dudes made up to slut-shame women. my other friends were silent on this. she then just said: "whatever, i'm not in the mood for your mansplaining." so i'm at a loss here. aita for explaining something that i feel like people should just know about?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this happened a few months ago, but my brain won't let this one go. so i was hanging out with some friends. two guys, one woman. we're all in our early 20s and have had our fair share of romance in life. the topic of sex popped up and we start talking about some of our past experiences. one guy joked about how having sex only made his dick bigger and bigger. we all laughed and he said that he wished that's how it works. my female friend (let's call her sarah) piped up and said "yeah, for women, it's the complete opposite. the more sex you have, the bigger your labia gets and the looser you become." there were some chuckles, but then i asked her if she was serious. she said she was. now, this is a big myth. i was surprised a woman who has had some experience actually believes that. i basically told her this, and then she started getting annoyed, asking "how me and my dick knows about that". i said the same way i know anything about female anatomy- i've read up on it. the whole "women get looser" thing is something sexist dudes made up to slut-shame women. my other friends were silent on this. she then just said: "whatever, i'm not in the mood for your mansplaining." so i'm at a loss here. aita for explaining something that i feel like people should just know about? [/INST] nta. as a woman, i’m asking you to please keep telling it to the girls who don’t know. women need to understand their anatomy!! sorry, pet peeve of mine. </s>
AITA for not telling my parents how to read my diary?	i am 15f and i have diary, and to prevent my older sister from reading it i created a new alphabet and to make it even harder to decode its not just the latin alphabet that looks differently, i made some sounds like yu, ya, sh, etc as one letter, like they are in cyrillic. (alphabet russian, bulgarian, kazakh etc use) well my parents were snooping in my room and found my diary, and are demanding i tell them how to decode it so they can read it. they are saying that i need to share this with them and i can't have secrets from them and im under their roof. i eventually got sick of it and told them to fuck off. they sent me to my room and i'm here. they keep trying to decode my diary which i doubt they will but fuck this sucks.	29,465	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hjwxmn/aita_for_not_telling_my_parents_how_to_read_my/	2020-07-02 13:24:08	nta. parents who force their way into their teens diaries are shitty parents. full stop. reading your teenage kids diaries is a violation of trust. they can basically expect you to never trust them as an adult, and to have a distant and likely shitty relationship with them. they are wrong, and there is no other side to this. source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-kids/201702/no-mom-you-cant-read-your-daughters-diary-or-texts	nta damn you got a bright future if you can code a diary at 15. don’t let your parents drag you down with their need for “no secrets” from their kid, nor in future relationships. you keep doing you op!!	nta. your parents are being instrusive. you have a right to privacy do not give into them.	nta-that is an extreme invasion of your privacy. just because you are under their roof does not mean you aren't entitled to your privacy. they should respect you and your privacy.	nta. memorize and burn the cypher.	nta. a diary is a private thing and should be accessed only by the owner and potentially people to whom they grant permission to read it. if you don't feel comfortable with your parents reading your diary, you have every right to keep the code a secret. perhaps you should not have told them to fuck off, because they are your parents after all but it's the only thing i'm on the fence about.	nta- i wish i had thought of that when i was your age. my dad and grandma read mine and blacked out all the things they didn't like with black sharpie. like a redacted legal document.	nta - even as a minor you have the right to some privacy. i think it’s cool how you coded it 😂. but do not not tell your parents to “fuck off” even if you are right.	nta there’s an online app called cryptee which i recommend you look into so that you can write freely without fear of someone finding it. i’m sorry your parents don’t have boundaries!	nta. your parents apparently don't understand the concept of privacy.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am 15f and i have diary, and to prevent my older sister from reading it i created a new alphabet and to make it even harder to decode its not just the latin alphabet that looks differently, i made some sounds like yu, ya, sh, etc as one letter, like they are in cyrillic. (alphabet russian, bulgarian, kazakh etc use) well my parents were snooping in my room and found my diary, and are demanding i tell them how to decode it so they can read it. they are saying that i need to share this with them and i can't have secrets from them and im under their roof. i eventually got sick of it and told them to fuck off. they sent me to my room and i'm here. they keep trying to decode my diary which i doubt they will but fuck this sucks.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am 15f and i have diary, and to prevent my older sister from reading it i created a new alphabet and to make it even harder to decode its not just the latin alphabet that looks differently, i made some sounds like yu, ya, sh, etc as one letter, like they are in cyrillic. (alphabet russian, bulgarian, kazakh etc use) well my parents were snooping in my room and found my diary, and are demanding i tell them how to decode it so they can read it. they are saying that i need to share this with them and i can't have secrets from them and im under their roof. i eventually got sick of it and told them to fuck off. they sent me to my room and i'm here. they keep trying to decode my diary which i doubt they will but fuck this sucks. [/INST] nta. parents who force their way into their teens diaries are shitty parents. full stop. reading your teenage kids diaries is a violation of trust. they can basically expect you to never trust them as an adult, and to have a distant and likely shitty relationship with them. they are wrong, and there is no other side to this. source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-kids/201702/no-mom-you-cant-read-your-daughters-diary-or-texts </s>
AITA: I, a female, want to give my fiance my last name, but my father and brother don't want me to. Am I wrong for planning on doing it anyways?	to start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. he has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. i have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it. i brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. my brother found out before i could bring it up to him and called me, saying i was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. this got me irritated, because in my opinion, i have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. he and his wife have been married for over a year and i think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name. i think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. it's my last name too and if i want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. i have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. i don't feel like i'm being selfish here, but aita for breaking tradition? update did not expect this to blow up! my father and brother are amazing people and husbands—i think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. i’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and i believe they will understand. they are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :) as for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . when i originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. he’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao. thank you for all the encouragement! my fiancé and i will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough.	29,450	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eh8f8j/aita_i_a_female_want_to_give_my_fiance_my_last/	2019-12-29 17:13:23	nta, your brother and father are being ridiculous and there’s no logic behind what they’re saying.	nta why the fuck should they care? if anything they should be proud that your fiance wants to take your name. it is sexist, and it's ridiculous. and if nothing else, it's your name, your fiance and your marriage. do it. they'll get over it	nta. what the fuck are the dudes in your family thinking even? it just makes no sense. give your fiancé your last name if that’s what you and him want.	nta. fuck patriarchy. i wouldn’t give up my last name either. do what makes you happy. your father and brother should be happy about sharing their family name.	nta. fuck the patriarchy. i don’t understand why men get so weird over a fucking name.	nta. it’s your name to pass on as you like. what a pile of misogynistic bullshit.	nta you're correct that your father and brother are being sexist. there's no valid reason they could give that would make sense. if you were a single parent, you'd pass your family name on to your child. why should it be any different if you're married and you and your spouse agree? you're giving your future husband a beautiful gift. congratulations on the family the two of you are creating together.	nta- this shit is so sexist, like you’re not also a part of the family that can carry the name??	nta. it’s your name just as much as his. it’s also about to be 2020, how is he getting precious about who carries on the name? his opinion on your marriage doesn’t get a vote.	nta - enjoy your marriage	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: to start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. he has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. i have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it. i brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. my brother found out before i could bring it up to him and called me, saying i was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. this got me irritated, because in my opinion, i have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. he and his wife have been married for over a year and i think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name. i think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. it's my last name too and if i want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. i have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. i don't feel like i'm being selfish here, but aita for breaking tradition? update* did not expect this to blow up! my father and brother are amazing people and husbands—i think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. i’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and i believe they will understand. they are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :) as for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . when i originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. he’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao. thank you for all the encouragement! my fiancé and i will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> to start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. he has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. i have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it. i brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. my brother found out before i could bring it up to him and called me, saying i was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. this got me irritated, because in my opinion, i have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. he and his wife have been married for over a year and i think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name. i think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. it's my last name too and if i want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. i have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. i don't feel like i'm being selfish here, but aita for breaking tradition? update* did not expect this to blow up! my father and brother are amazing people and husbands—i think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. i’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and i believe they will understand. they are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :) as for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . when i originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. he’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao. thank you for all the encouragement! my fiancé and i will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough. [/INST] nta, your brother and father are being ridiculous and there’s no logic behind what they’re saying. </s>
AITA for lying about my biggest fear on a quiz show and subsequently winning a car and making other contestants lose?	this is a hot topic in my family at the moment, i live on an obscure little island near the uk. we have a local quiz show that’s aired on the telly that i appeared on a few years ago. the premise of the show is that you can win prizes for doing challenges. some of the challenges were physical, some psychological, and some requiring problem solving skills. i sailed through a lot of the physical part because i wasn’t a fat bastard back then, and the problem solving skills required a lot of maths which is my career, so i was ok there. as for the psychological part, you had to enter a clear box ‘room’ filled with something you’re terrified of, and search through to find clues to the next part. i thought of a believable lie before i entered the show (we had to list 5 things we were afraid of) and i put down all the things i’m not scared of. i listed spiders, cockroaches, snakes, scorpions, and wood lice. i literally couldn’t care less about any of these creatures. i grew up in rural landscape and i’ve had to pretty much deal with creepy crawlies my entire life so it’s not an issue. my actual fear is a bit more obscure and i really honestly knew i’d fail if i was put in a room with it. when i entered the room there were cockroaches everywhere i was in my boxers and barefoot (which was incredibly gross i can’t lie) and had to sift through and move the cockroaches to find clues for my next challenge. i did it in the time period ascribed to me and got through to the next part. the rest of the contestants failed. now, i won a pretty average car which i didn’t particularly want, so as soon as i legally could i sold it and made a nice profit since it was pretty much brand new and bought myself a rather nicer car. i told my family this recently on a drunken night when we were all at a get together, and although everybody found it uproariously funny, my family are split into 2 camps- some people think i cheated and was ethically and morally wrong, and other people think the other contestants deserved to lose if they listed their actual fears. i’m obviously in the latter category, but genuinely wondering what others think.	29,382	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dmfsum/aita_for_lying_about_my_biggest_fear_on_a_quiz/	2019-10-24 12:38:15	nah. the tv producers are producing entertainment. you provided entertainment. sucks that people lost, but its a windfall, not an entitlement.	[deleted]	nah. it's a "reality" show. the producers knew exactly what could happen. as long as it was good tv then you just played the game	nta shows like that are all about how entertaining you make it and someone needs to win. did you make it entertaining? probably. honestly i bet even the show itself wouldn't care after the fact	nta. in any game, strategy is key. planning ahead is an important part winning. i look at it as you were simply being strategic.	nah you played the game. it’s not your fault nobody else had the idea.	yta. smart, but yta the whole point of the game is that everyone is honest about their fears, otherwise the whole premise is worthless and it simply becomes a test of who can find a hidden thing fastest. cheating is wrong and you cheated.	this is probably gonna be split into 2 different camps on here too. i'm gonna say nta. no one was hurt as a result of your actions. slightly underhanded, yes. but one could also argue you were just being crafty and playing to win. depends where your moral compass lies just out of curiosity, did it happen to say anything like 'you must tell the truth on this form blah blah'	nta im sure most of the contestants didn't give their real fears, most game shows aren't actually how they seem and im sure this one was no exception, you still had to do something pretty gross to win the car i have to ask though, what is your real fear? im curious and did you at least act like you were scared of the cockroaches?	personally i’d say yta. you cheated the game and that wasn’t fair to the other contestants.	NAH	null	NAH	NTA	NTA	NAH	YTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	0.288981	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a hot topic in my family at the moment, i live on an obscure little island near the uk. we have a local quiz show that’s aired on the telly that i appeared on a few years ago. the premise of the show is that you can win prizes for doing challenges. some of the challenges were physical, some psychological, and some requiring problem solving skills. i sailed through a lot of the physical part because i wasn’t a fat bastard back then, and the problem solving skills required a lot of maths which is my career, so i was ok there. as for the psychological part, you had to enter a clear box ‘room’ filled with something you’re terrified of, and search through to find clues to the next part. i thought of a believable lie before i entered the show (we had to list 5 things we were afraid of) and i put down all the things i’m not* scared of. i listed spiders, cockroaches, snakes, scorpions, and wood lice. i literally couldn’t care less about any of these creatures. i grew up in rural landscape and i’ve had to pretty much deal with creepy crawlies my entire life so it’s not an issue. my actual fear is a bit more obscure and i really honestly knew i’d fail if i was put in a room with it. when i entered the room there were cockroaches everywhere i was in my boxers and barefoot (which was incredibly gross i can’t lie) and had to sift through and move the cockroaches to find clues for my next challenge. i did it in the time period ascribed to me and got through to the next part. the rest of the contestants failed. now, i won a pretty average car which i didn’t particularly want, so as soon as i legally could i sold it and made a nice profit since it was pretty much brand new and bought myself a rather nicer car. i told my family this recently on a drunken night when we were all at a get together, and although everybody found it uproariously funny, my family are split into 2 camps- some people think i cheated and was ethically and morally wrong, and other people think the other contestants deserved to lose if they listed their actual fears. i’m obviously in the latter category, but genuinely wondering what others think.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this is a hot topic in my family at the moment, i live on an obscure little island near the uk. we have a local quiz show that’s aired on the telly that i appeared on a few years ago. the premise of the show is that you can win prizes for doing challenges. some of the challenges were physical, some psychological, and some requiring problem solving skills. i sailed through a lot of the physical part because i wasn’t a fat bastard back then, and the problem solving skills required a lot of maths which is my career, so i was ok there. as for the psychological part, you had to enter a clear box ‘room’ filled with something you’re terrified of, and search through to find clues to the next part. i thought of a believable lie before i entered the show (we had to list 5 things we were afraid of) and i put down all the things i’m not* scared of. i listed spiders, cockroaches, snakes, scorpions, and wood lice. i literally couldn’t care less about any of these creatures. i grew up in rural landscape and i’ve had to pretty much deal with creepy crawlies my entire life so it’s not an issue. my actual fear is a bit more obscure and i really honestly knew i’d fail if i was put in a room with it. when i entered the room there were cockroaches everywhere i was in my boxers and barefoot (which was incredibly gross i can’t lie) and had to sift through and move the cockroaches to find clues for my next challenge. i did it in the time period ascribed to me and got through to the next part. the rest of the contestants failed. now, i won a pretty average car which i didn’t particularly want, so as soon as i legally could i sold it and made a nice profit since it was pretty much brand new and bought myself a rather nicer car. i told my family this recently on a drunken night when we were all at a get together, and although everybody found it uproariously funny, my family are split into 2 camps- some people think i cheated and was ethically and morally wrong, and other people think the other contestants deserved to lose if they listed their actual fears. i’m obviously in the latter category, but genuinely wondering what others think. [/INST] nah. the tv producers are producing entertainment. you provided entertainment. sucks that people lost, but its a windfall, not an entitlement. </s>
AITA for making my SIL pay above average rent for one bedroom?	i am 100% being petty here but curious if i am actually wrong. most of my husbands family think i am being childish and "need to let the past go", as my sil can't afford this but her behavior toward us in the past makes me feel this is warranted. 2 years ago my house burnt to the ground after being struck by lightening. thankfully it was during the day so our 3 kids were at school and my husband and i were at work. we lost everything but we were safe. it took almost 11 months for the insurance to pay out. the insurance covered 1 month worth of hotel stays but after that we were made to fend for ourselves and the only option we had was to move in with my sil. she tells us we can have her spare room and her office space, since she used neither of the rooms and her stipulations was we needed to purchase all of our own food and pay her $100 a week. by week 3 all of that changed. she then decides we need to pay her $250 a week and we can only use one room. so all 5 of us were crammed in to the smallest room she had, which was the size of a glorified closet space and didn't even fit a twin bed and a small dresser (so we lived out of trash bags and slept on the floor) for close to $1000 a month some months and still had to purchase all of our own food, despite her claiming my children on her foodstamps. she also had no bills outside of her land tax ($450 a year), electric and heating oil (which she hardly ever filled). so we were essentially paying her so she could do leisure activities. it was the worst 8 months of my life. 3 months ago my grandmother decided that she wanted to go to assisted living after a fall and transferred the deed of her house to me and basically said it was mine now. it is a 5 bedroom farmhouse. my boys insist on sharing a room so we have 2 extra bedrooms. well, my sil lost her house last month due to not paying her land tax for several years and asked if her and her step daughter could stay with us until they get enough money to move down south. i said sure, 1 bedroom, $800 a month and you have to buy and cook all your food separately because my daughter is vegan. she looked at me like i had 10 heads and said that she and her step daughter should not be made to share a room when there are 2 extra rooms and stated she cannot afford a rent of $800 while purchasing all of her own food on top of it. i said "neither could we but we managed to cram 5 people in to a glorified closet space while you were getting $1000 and foodstamps. take it or leave it." she decided to leave. again, i am being told i am childish. aita?	29,356	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uur9ho/aita_for_making_my_sil_pay_above_average_rent_for/	2022-05-21 17:01:02	nta. it’s $250/month for the room and $750/month for you having to see her stupid face every day. you’re giving her an 80% discount on the rent because she’s family.	wow i was really going the other way when i read the title but yeah you are nta. you simply treated you sil how she treated you. not worse and not better. if she thinks it’s unfair then it shows she knew what she did was wrong first. screw anybody who says you should accommodate. best thing ever that she left. enjoy your farm house!	childish and petty as hell? oh yeah. but also nta. tell your sil and everyone else that you reap what you sow. imo, you're being extremely generous in requesting that she pay $200 less than what you paid for 1 room. this is also a good one for r/pettyrevenge	nta. love the sweet sweet smell of karma in the morning.	nta you stated that you had 5 people crammed in a room and she managed to moan and complaint sharing one with her step daughter... she seems like s free loader and shouldn't be enabled to just mooch off others and float by. where is her husband/step daughters dad? did she not once apologize to you for the cramming you in a small room and upcharging you? $800 a month is basically the price of a room rental in most places. you are nta at all.	nta classic double standards here. so it's ok for her to extort you when you need help in an emergency situation, but it's not ok for you to charge her that much because she lost her house because of her being unreliable? absolutely not. while i must say it is petty, she had it coming. screw her.	nta. she took advantage of your family at a very low time. maybe your delivery was not polite, but who cares? this doesn’t sound like someone you need in your home.	love it, you rock. don't back down you know karma is a bitch and your sil just got served. tell the family they can let her live with them. also make sure they know 5 of you lived in a bedroom and paid $1,000 a month plus food while she received food stamps for your kids.	nta seems like what goes around comes around. she took advantage and didn't like it when it came back on her. guess she should have saved the money she charged you so she could pay her taxes. she got 8k from you. she had plenty of money to pay taxes for many years and chose not to. that's on her.	nta:omg i don’t understand how some people can be so dumb? why wouldn’t she have just paid the annual land tax and kept her free housing?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am 100% being petty here but curious if i am actually wrong. most of my husbands family think i am being childish and "need to let the past go", as my sil can't afford this but her behavior toward us in the past makes me feel this is warranted. 2 years ago my house burnt to the ground after being struck by lightening. thankfully it was during the day so our 3 kids were at school and my husband and i were at work. we lost everything but we were safe. it took almost 11 months for the insurance to pay out. the insurance covered 1 month worth of hotel stays but after that we were made to fend for ourselves and the only option we had was to move in with my sil. she tells us we can have her spare room and her office space, since she used neither of the rooms and her stipulations was we needed to purchase all of our own food and pay her $100 a week. by week 3 all of that changed. she then decides we need to pay her $250 a week and we can only use one room. so all 5 of us were crammed in to the smallest room she had, which was the size of a glorified closet space and didn't even fit a twin bed and a small dresser (so we lived out of trash bags and slept on the floor) for close to $1000 a month some months and still had to purchase all of our own food, despite her claiming my children on her foodstamps. she also had no bills outside of her land tax ($450 a year), electric and heating oil (which she hardly ever filled). so we were essentially paying her so she could do leisure activities. it was the worst 8 months of my life. 3 months ago my grandmother decided that she wanted to go to assisted living after a fall and transferred the deed of her house to me and basically said it was mine now. it is a 5 bedroom farmhouse. my boys insist on sharing a room so we have 2 extra bedrooms. well, my sil lost her house last month due to not paying her land tax for several years and asked if her and her step daughter could stay with us until they get enough money to move down south. i said sure, 1 bedroom, $800 a month and you have to buy and cook all your food separately because my daughter is vegan. she looked at me like i had 10 heads and said that she and her step daughter should not be made to share a room when there are 2 extra rooms and stated she cannot afford a rent of $800 while purchasing all of her own food on top of it. i said "neither could we but we managed to cram 5 people in to a glorified closet space while you were getting $1000 and foodstamps. take it or leave it." she decided to leave. again, i am being told i am childish. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am 100% being petty here but curious if i am actually wrong. most of my husbands family think i am being childish and "need to let the past go", as my sil can't afford this but her behavior toward us in the past makes me feel this is warranted. 2 years ago my house burnt to the ground after being struck by lightening. thankfully it was during the day so our 3 kids were at school and my husband and i were at work. we lost everything but we were safe. it took almost 11 months for the insurance to pay out. the insurance covered 1 month worth of hotel stays but after that we were made to fend for ourselves and the only option we had was to move in with my sil. she tells us we can have her spare room and her office space, since she used neither of the rooms and her stipulations was we needed to purchase all of our own food and pay her $100 a week. by week 3 all of that changed. she then decides we need to pay her $250 a week and we can only use one room. so all 5 of us were crammed in to the smallest room she had, which was the size of a glorified closet space and didn't even fit a twin bed and a small dresser (so we lived out of trash bags and slept on the floor) for close to $1000 a month some months and still had to purchase all of our own food, despite her claiming my children on her foodstamps. she also had no bills outside of her land tax ($450 a year), electric and heating oil (which she hardly ever filled). so we were essentially paying her so she could do leisure activities. it was the worst 8 months of my life. 3 months ago my grandmother decided that she wanted to go to assisted living after a fall and transferred the deed of her house to me and basically said it was mine now. it is a 5 bedroom farmhouse. my boys insist on sharing a room so we have 2 extra bedrooms. well, my sil lost her house last month due to not paying her land tax for several years and asked if her and her step daughter could stay with us until they get enough money to move down south. i said sure, 1 bedroom, $800 a month and you have to buy and cook all your food separately because my daughter is vegan. she looked at me like i had 10 heads and said that she and her step daughter should not be made to share a room when there are 2 extra rooms and stated she cannot afford a rent of $800 while purchasing all of her own food on top of it. i said "neither could we but we managed to cram 5 people in to a glorified closet space while you were getting $1000 and foodstamps. take it or leave it." she decided to leave. again, i am being told i am childish. aita? [/INST] nta. it’s $250/month for the room and $750/month for you having to see her stupid face every day. you’re giving her an 80% discount on the rent because she’s family. </s>
AITA for punishing my sons and not the woman?	i’m going to try to keep this short since frankly - i’m exhausted. any questions can and will be answered in the comments. long story short, my family(35m, 12m, 10m) and i(32f) just recently moved into a new apartment complex. our unit is at the very back of the building, at the back of the property, so behind us is just a wooded area, nobody lives there. at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area. because it the way the building is constructed, you can’t see onto another persons balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing - otherwise the wall blocks you. across from our unit is a family of four - a young looking mother, her husband, and their two children who are both under the age of two. i haven’t had the chance to go introduce myself because i think one of their babies is a newborn, and honestly mama seems exhausted. anyway, a couple of nights ago, i made a horrific discovery. went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing, staring into our neighbors balcony. i grab both by their pants and ask them just what they think they’re doing, and that’s when i see it. from their vantage point, they could see straight into the neighbor lady’s balcony, where she was sat completely topless, with underwear on listening to headphones. i. was. livid. not with her, but with the boys. the way i see it, she’s on her own personal property, where no one is supposed to be able to see, and not drawing any attention to herself. plus, if she’s breastfeeding, i get not having a top or bra on. it’s tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between. and who wears pants in their own house? anyway, i digress. i pulled the boys in the house and took away their video games and phones until further notice, and told my husband immediately when he got home. but surprisingly, he was mad at me! saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside, and asked me to speak to her about it. i ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch, after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me. aita for punishing them, but not saying anything to the neighbor?	29,351	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8ypa1/aita_for_punishing_my_sons_and_not_the_woman/	2020-06-14 18:14:18	nta good for you! your husband is out of line and frankly acting in a manner that could give your sons the idea that it’s okay to just “get” from women without respect for personal boundaries whether it’s looking or worse. a plus parenting from you and thank you for respecting your neighbor!	nta. “boys will be boys,” i’m sorry, what century is your husband living in? like you said, that woman was on her own property. not only are you nta for doing some good parenting, you’re also nta because you didn’t sexualize this woman. your husband, on the other hand, could afford to learn a bit.	nta i would have reacted the same way. i would also have a long talk to my son about privacy and gender equality. and engorgement hurts. especially at the tail end of breastfeeding.	nta. "boys will be boys" is a garbage excuse for behavior. i'm sure they know they aren't supposed to spy on people, especially in private moments. and if they don't know, now they do.	nta you did the right thing. people need to stop using the "boys will be boys" excuse when they do bad things.	nta!!!!! sorry to say your peeping tom sons deserve to lose all of their privileges and otherwise feel the weight of their very poor not to mention completely illegal decision making and actions. also sorry to say your husband is an ah for saying ‘boys will be boys’ and excusing their miserable behavior. i’m glad you know that this woman (as well as all people, including yourself) has the right to privacy while in their own home, along with the right to wear or not wear whatever they feel like wearing, and that no one should illegally stare into their windows. thank goodness your cretins have you to show them what’s right and what’s wrong!	i am hoping that people want actual diversity of opinion here and not just a big circlejerk, but i am expecting massive downvotes for having a slightly different view: esh except your sunbathing neighbor and your children. your husband sucks for downplaying your sons’ actions and propagating the “boys will be boys” cop out. you suck for going nuclear instead of actually talking to your children and explaining boundaries and privacy. i think everyone here is forgetting that these are 10 and 12 year old boys who are naturally curious about women’s bodies. there is nothing wrong with this curiosity and interest, only in their voyeurism without consent. you are likely inadvertently teaching them that sexual attraction is wrong, and that can have unforeseen consequences.	nta the boys were 100% wrong. though i would let the young women know that she can be seen	info: have you had "the talk" with them yet? i think curiosity is normal. not in a "boys will be boys" normalizing perverted misogynistic behavior, but look at their ages and they just stumbled upon a "free show" at the age when boys and girls start getting curious about sex. teach them about sex. it sounds like your first reaction is to punish them for looking at some boobies, like just seeing them is a bad thing.	santa says nta. your boys were in the wrong here. thank you for teaching them boundaries. your husband is also in the wrong.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	INFO	NTA	0.032022	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m going to try to keep this short since frankly - i’m exhausted. any questions can and will be answered in the comments. long story short, my family(35m, 12m, 10m) and i(32f) just recently moved into a new apartment complex. our unit is at the very back of the building, at the back of the property, so behind us is just a wooded area, nobody lives there. at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area. because it the way the building is constructed, you can’t see onto another persons balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing - otherwise the wall blocks you. across from our unit is a family of four - a young looking mother, her husband, and their two children who are both under the age of two. i haven’t had the chance to go introduce myself because i think one of their babies is a newborn, and honestly mama seems exhausted. anyway, a couple of nights ago, i made a horrific discovery. went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing, staring into our neighbors balcony. i grab both by their pants and ask them just what they think they’re doing, and that’s when i see it. from their vantage point, they could see straight into the neighbor lady’s balcony, where she was sat completely topless, with underwear on listening to headphones. i. was. livid. not with her, but with the boys. the way i see it, she’s on her own personal property, where no one is supposed to be able to see, and not drawing any attention to herself. plus, if she’s breastfeeding, i get not having a top or bra on. it’s tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between. and who wears pants in their own house? anyway, i digress. i pulled the boys in the house and took away their video games and phones until further notice, and told my husband immediately when he got home. but surprisingly, he was mad at me! saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside, and asked me to speak to her about it. i ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch, after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me. aita for punishing them, but not saying anything to the neighbor?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m going to try to keep this short since frankly - i’m exhausted. any questions can and will be answered in the comments. long story short, my family(35m, 12m, 10m) and i(32f) just recently moved into a new apartment complex. our unit is at the very back of the building, at the back of the property, so behind us is just a wooded area, nobody lives there. at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area. because it the way the building is constructed, you can’t see onto another persons balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing - otherwise the wall blocks you. across from our unit is a family of four - a young looking mother, her husband, and their two children who are both under the age of two. i haven’t had the chance to go introduce myself because i think one of their babies is a newborn, and honestly mama seems exhausted. anyway, a couple of nights ago, i made a horrific discovery. went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing, staring into our neighbors balcony. i grab both by their pants and ask them just what they think they’re doing, and that’s when i see it. from their vantage point, they could see straight into the neighbor lady’s balcony, where she was sat completely topless, with underwear on listening to headphones. i. was. livid. not with her, but with the boys. the way i see it, she’s on her own personal property, where no one is supposed to be able to see, and not drawing any attention to herself. plus, if she’s breastfeeding, i get not having a top or bra on. it’s tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between. and who wears pants in their own house? anyway, i digress. i pulled the boys in the house and took away their video games and phones until further notice, and told my husband immediately when he got home. but surprisingly, he was mad at me! saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside, and asked me to speak to her about it. i ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch, after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me. aita for punishing them, but not saying anything to the neighbor? [/INST] nta good for you! your husband is out of line and frankly acting in a manner that could give your sons the idea that it’s okay to just “get” from women without respect for personal boundaries whether it’s looking or worse. a plus parenting from you and thank you for respecting your neighbor! </s>
AITA? My husband and I are getting my stepson a car for his birthday. His mother wants to chip in and say that the car is from all of us, but I don’t want to do that.	my stepson is turning 18 soon and my husband and i decided that we will be getting him a car. i make more than my husband does and we will be splitting the cost of the car 70/30. that’s fine with me. his mother is a woman who i make the effort to be civil with but don’t like. i am much younger than she and my husband are, and come from a more privileged background; she had a lot of things to say about that. she called me her ex’s cash cow and that’s one of the better things she said about me. we are not friends and i won’t even describe her as nice to me. when my husband told her that we will buy my stepson a car for his birthday, she said she wants to chip in 5% of the cost and then we could tell my stepson that the gift is from all of his parents and step parents. i don’t want to do that. i don’t need her 5% and my stepson knows that his mom and step dad are not in a position to equally share the cost of buying the car. i don’t want recognition for paying 70% of his gift’s cost but i don’t want to share my and my husband’s gift to my stepson with a woman who has always been antagonistic to me. i don’t know why she wants us to gift the car jointly now because we’ve never given my stepson a gift jointly before. and i don’t understand what’s so bad about getting separate gifts from me and his dad, and his mom and his stepdad. i know that many people will say that it’s better for my stepson to see that all his parents and step parents are getting along. i’m civil to his mom and i never talk negatively about her to him. is that not enough? am i incapable of being a good step mother to him if i’m not best friends with his mom? do i have to let his mom get her way whenever she asks in the name of all parents getting along?	29,338	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dfzi7d/aita_my_husband_and_i_are_getting_my_stepson_a/	2019-10-10 15:18:02	nta she wants to take credit for the gift, and with the way you described her, there is a big chance that she is gonna milk this if you let her pay. if she wants to be part of it so much, just let her buy seat covers, air freshener or something similar that's within her budget and could be used for the car. this way she technically was part of the gift, but you can easily seperate her part as "me and my husband bought you this car, and that accesory for it is from your mom". nice and civil.	nta. if she was offering to pay 33% i'd feel differently. she just wants to piggy back off your gift.	nta. if she wants to contribute she can cover his insurance for the first year.	nta "why don't you put that 5% toward a gift that he will appreciate that comes solely from you?"	this fucking sub! of course you are an asshole. it doesn’t mean that you don’t have your reasons but you are still an asshole. the non asshole thing would be to let her join. i don’t understand this subs morality. it’s more like “is it ok i’m an asshole?” not “am i am asshole”. also it seems you are holding money over their heads to make yourself seem superior while at the same time saying they are the ones with money issues. you are, or you wouldn’t give a shit, you want the kid to know that you paid and they can’t. there is a ton of assholery here. fuck reddit, it has the morality of a 16 year old.	nta it’s a gift from you and your husband. she can contribute by accenting the gift- getting seat covers, steering wheel cover, air fresheners, trunk organizer, emergency roadside kit, etc and it will be more authentic than if she tried to put a pittance towards the car. she could even cover insurance or give him a gas card. but trying to nudge her way in with such a small amount is ridiculous.	esh a bit. she shouldn't expect credit for the gift if she's only chipping in 5% of the cost. but i also think the stepmother buying her son a 70%-of-a-car is pretty rough on the biological mother, who clearly can't afford such an extravagant gift, and potentially on the son, who will instantly perceive this and may feel guilty, or awkward, or caught in the middle, or all of the above. >and i don’t understand what’s so bad about getting separate gifts from me and his dad, and his mom and his stepdad. what's so bad is that you don't like his mother, and you're buying him a gift that will leave hers in the dust (perhaps literally). i think giving a car to a son is a decision that both biological parents should have discussed and agreed on.	yta. stepson knows y'all don't get along. so, when his birthday comes and he thanks you for the car, if you can say, "your mom, your dad and i got this for you together. we all love you," then think about what that tells this kid. as opposed to turning his birthday into a pissing contest. you set up a false either/or in your post. you don't have to be her friend. you just need to model good behavior for the young man who is learning how to be an adult from you all.	yta >i don’t know why she wants us to gift the car jointly now because we’ve never given my stepson a gift jointly before. because it's a fucking car. you can't possibly be oblivious as to why she'd want to be part of that gift. first, it's probably one of the bigger gifts (if not biggest gift) he has received in his life, but his first car is a big deal. it's totally understandable she'd want to be involved in this. this isn't about your relationship with the mom, it's about her relationship with her son.	yta. my wife makes a great living, and my oldest daughter's mother married a guy with money issues so they are... broke. when my daughter was 16 we bought a car for her. her mom wanted to help pay for it but she was not in a position to do so. we all gave her the car for her birthday. she is the kids mom. he is a child not a point of leverage. my wife makes more in a year that my daughters mom has made in the last ten. maybe you are nta, but you are not a great human being either. when it comes to kids, pretend to be a better person.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.654729	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my stepson is turning 18 soon and my husband and i decided that we will be getting him a car. i make more than my husband does and we will be splitting the cost of the car 70/30. that’s fine with me. his mother is a woman who i make the effort to be civil with but don’t like. i am much younger than she and my husband are, and come from a more privileged background; she had a lot of things to say about that. she called me her ex’s cash cow and that’s one of the better things she said about me. we are not friends and i won’t even describe her as nice to me. when my husband told her that we will buy my stepson a car for his birthday, she said she wants to chip in 5% of the cost and then we could tell my stepson that the gift is from all of his parents and step parents. i don’t want to do that. i don’t need her 5% and my stepson knows that his mom and step dad are not in a position to equally share the cost of buying the car. i don’t want recognition for paying 70% of his gift’s cost but i don’t want to share my and my husband’s gift to my stepson with a woman who has always been antagonistic to me. i don’t know why she wants us to gift the car jointly now because we’ve never given my stepson a gift jointly before. and i don’t understand what’s so bad about getting separate gifts from me and his dad, and his mom and his stepdad. i know that many people will say that it’s better for my stepson to see that all his parents and step parents are getting along. i’m civil to his mom and i never talk negatively about her to him. is that not enough? am i incapable of being a good step mother to him if i’m not best friends with his mom? do i have to let his mom get her way whenever she asks in the name of all parents getting along?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my stepson is turning 18 soon and my husband and i decided that we will be getting him a car. i make more than my husband does and we will be splitting the cost of the car 70/30. that’s fine with me. his mother is a woman who i make the effort to be civil with but don’t like. i am much younger than she and my husband are, and come from a more privileged background; she had a lot of things to say about that. she called me her ex’s cash cow and that’s one of the better things she said about me. we are not friends and i won’t even describe her as nice to me. when my husband told her that we will buy my stepson a car for his birthday, she said she wants to chip in 5% of the cost and then we could tell my stepson that the gift is from all of his parents and step parents. i don’t want to do that. i don’t need her 5% and my stepson knows that his mom and step dad are not in a position to equally share the cost of buying the car. i don’t want recognition for paying 70% of his gift’s cost but i don’t want to share my and my husband’s gift to my stepson with a woman who has always been antagonistic to me. i don’t know why she wants us to gift the car jointly now because we’ve never given my stepson a gift jointly before. and i don’t understand what’s so bad about getting separate gifts from me and his dad, and his mom and his stepdad. i know that many people will say that it’s better for my stepson to see that all his parents and step parents are getting along. i’m civil to his mom and i never talk negatively about her to him. is that not enough? am i incapable of being a good step mother to him if i’m not best friends with his mom? do i have to let his mom get her way whenever she asks in the name of all parents getting along? [/INST] nta she wants to take credit for the gift, and with the way you described her, there is a big chance that she is gonna milk this if you let her pay. if she wants to be part of it so much, just let her buy seat covers, air freshener or something similar that's within her budget and could be used for the car. this way she technically was part of the gift, but you can easily seperate her part as "me and my husband bought you this car, and that accesory for it is from your mom". nice and civil. </s>
AITA for keeping a $300000 prize to myself when I originally planned to share it with my boyfriend?	my (26f) boyfriend (27m) is really into cars. he recently discovered a charity project where they fixed up an old jaguar. it's worth around $300000. you could buy a ticket for $50 to enter and the money went towards a good cause. my bf is broke at the moment so i offered to go halves with the ticket. he didn't want to because then the car wouldn't be his completely. i wasn't too worried about it and didn't mention it again. i did however buy a ticket for myself. well, i won and as of august 1st will be the owner of the car. when my boyfriend found out he was really excited until i told him that i was going to sell it and put half of it in my savings and invest half of it. he said i can't sell our car without consulting him. i told him it's my car and i can do whatever i want. he now claims it was all a big misunderstanding and apparently he wanted to go halves but hasn't got around to giving me the money yet. i call bs on it but he keeps saying that we're a couple and we should make decisions together. aita for going ahead with the plan to sell the car and keep the money to myself? edit. i broke up with him	29,321	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwf4v6/aita_for_keeping_a_300000_prize_to_myself_when_i/	2020-07-23 12:54:38	nta. ew dump his ass. no misunderstanding. he didn’t want to front the $25 to split the ticket and now he is trying to manipulate you.	nta! i intended to invest in apple in 1976, but i haven't gotten around to it. give me money.	nta. he didn’t pay for the ticket, so he has no say in it. you’re not married. you offered to split it, he said no. that’s the end of it. sounds like he’s seeing dollar signs and feels angry that you won’t just share. it’s you money and yours to do with as you please.	nta. i guarantee you if he had paid for the ticket on his own it would be “his car” and not “our car”. but you pay for the ticket with your own money and suddenly it’s “our car”. he even admitted when you offered to split it he didn’t want to share ownership with you. your car. you get to decide what happens. besides, you’re the one who has to pay taxes on it if you’re in the us. if you can’t afford the tax bill for the car it’s best to sell it.	wow nta - what a dramatic reveal of a secret ah your boyfriend had. sure, i let you give me halfsies on 300k after the winnings are safe, for 50$ my god. just tell him "oh honey, you misunderstand, you told me you didn't want to do halfsies - because it wouldn't be yours! it's mine!" and yes, dump his ass - he is with you for the wrong reasons	nta > he didn't want to because then the car wouldn't be his completely. he's using his own argument against him. you bought the ticket 100%. the car is 100% yours. you can do with it what you please (though another comment mentioned you may have a hard time selling it, which is true. look into the fine print).	nta- go enjoy the spoils of your new car.	nta - he didn’t want to share the car but now wants to share the money? nope	i did this....won a corvette when i was 19 but couldn't afford the sales tax, so took the cash option and did split it....broke up soon after. 10/10 would not recommend take him on a vaca or buy him some trinkets, don't actually split. if you stay together, that investment will in the end still be helping him out even if his name's not on it. ah to be young and dumb again.... edit to add definitely nta!!	nta. you did offer to go halfsies. he didn't take up the offer for the eventuality that he would have to share his winnings incase he won. now that you've won on your own ticket, the entire prize is yours! do what is best for yourself, if you plan on staying with him, help him out with a portion of the amount, but if you feel like this is something that is going to cause a rift between you two, leave! take them moneybags and leave girl!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (26f) boyfriend (27m) is really into cars. he recently discovered a charity project where they fixed up an old jaguar. it's worth around $300000. you could buy a ticket for $50 to enter and the money went towards a good cause. my bf is broke at the moment so i offered to go halves with the ticket. he didn't want to because then the car wouldn't be his completely. i wasn't too worried about it and didn't mention it again. i did however buy a ticket for myself. well, i won and as of august 1st will be the owner of the car. when my boyfriend found out he was really excited until i told him that i was going to sell it and put half of it in my savings and invest half of it. he said i can't sell our car without consulting him. i told him it's my car and i can do whatever i want. he now claims it was all a big misunderstanding and apparently he wanted to go halves but hasn't got around to giving me the money yet. i call bs on it but he keeps saying that we're a couple and we should make decisions together. aita for going ahead with the plan to sell the car and keep the money to myself? edit. i broke up with him	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (26f) boyfriend (27m) is really into cars. he recently discovered a charity project where they fixed up an old jaguar. it's worth around $300000. you could buy a ticket for $50 to enter and the money went towards a good cause. my bf is broke at the moment so i offered to go halves with the ticket. he didn't want to because then the car wouldn't be his completely. i wasn't too worried about it and didn't mention it again. i did however buy a ticket for myself. well, i won and as of august 1st will be the owner of the car. when my boyfriend found out he was really excited until i told him that i was going to sell it and put half of it in my savings and invest half of it. he said i can't sell our car without consulting him. i told him it's my car and i can do whatever i want. he now claims it was all a big misunderstanding and apparently he wanted to go halves but hasn't got around to giving me the money yet. i call bs on it but he keeps saying that we're a couple and we should make decisions together. aita for going ahead with the plan to sell the car and keep the money to myself? edit. i broke up with him [/INST] nta. ew dump his ass. no misunderstanding. he didn’t want to front the $25 to split the ticket and now he is trying to manipulate you. </s>
AITA for throwing my sister and her son out of my house?	i (35m) am a single father of 3 boys (10m, 7m and 3m). their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. it has been a rough year to say the least. my sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. she has a son, my nephew (9m) who stays with us most of the time. my nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. a few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. he called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. i talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down. yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. it was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. the boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and i asked them both to calm down and behave. my son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. i choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. i figured i'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so i just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. i comforted my son and we went back to the party. before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying i had no bussineaa disciplining her child. i told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". i had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a pu**y". my in-laws were crying, i was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. i told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. she said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least i'm still a normal person". she stormed off. after the party i told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave. she is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. aita for throwing her out?	29,271	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uj9izs/aita_for_throwing_my_sister_and_her_son_out_of_my/	2022-05-05 22:53:34	nta. your wife died! that’s significantly different from being divorced. good job protecting your children from her poisonous attitude. and crying due to grief is hardly being a p$ssy so good on you for showing your boys that.	nta to the tenth power. i would love to know how your sister thinks a "normal person" is supposed to react when their beloved spouse dies. especially during their child's birthday, when the spouse has only been dead since last year, following a long illness. trust me. you're reacting quite normally. your sister, on the other hand, is displaying incredible ingratitude and callousness. i'm not a therapist, but this sounds like malignant narcissism. if that's normal, then you need to kick the normalcy out of your life. i wouldn't speak to her again for any reason. and the real kicker is, that even when she's facing homelessness, she still refuses to even question her own actions. she's not apologizing. she's appealing to your sense of pity. after the way she insulted you, i would not even consider allowing her to stay. if cps is looking for relatives to take your nephew, and there's no one else, you might consider letting him stay since he apologized. but any visits with his mother should be done with an intermediary and off your property. although given the fact that he steals from your child, that might not be advisable. glad to know you're calling his dad and letting him deal with him. hope you and his dad are on good terms, at least.	nta, what the hell is she talking about? does she have no sympathy? "we both lost our spouses" ma'am you chose to lose yours. and now it sounds like she's choosing to lose her relationship with you too. she has no right to treat you and your children that way. anyway, i'm so, so sorry for your loss, and a belated happy birthday to your son. sending lots of love	nta you're kids are grieving, you're grieving, none of you need an inconsiderate and selfish relative in your home telling you how to handle your grief. especially in front of your kids. you tried to be civil and have the necessary conversation later on, but she insisted and insulted you/your late wife with her comments. and if anyone calls you an asshole for kicking them out tell them to take her in/how would they feel if she said that about their dead relative. sorry for you loss, may your wife's memory be a blessing to all who loved her.	nta, a boundary was not just crossed, it was nuked. i wouldn't want to talk to that person again, ever.	you both lost your spouses?? in front of your in laws???? almost hard to believe this is real since that is so far over the line. sadly i do believe you. nta. you would be if you kept your sister around your kids while everyone is grieving.	nta. you didn't both lose your spouses. hers still exists, walking around alive. absolutely not at all the same thing. her pussy comment and whatnot, nope. she should've been way less shitty if she was concerned about being homeless with her child. instead, she was rude and inconsiderate and judgmental and heartless. you and your kids do not need this extra stress and heartbreak right now. kick her out and focus on healing and moving forward with your family.	nta. she’s rude, belligerent, & so is her kid. getting divorced is not the same. no matter what she thinks & grieving is normal. she’s the ah. if she hasn’t been paying rent, then she’s a guest & you don’t have to follow tenant protocol	nta i'd say two days is three days too long.	nta at all. i see where your nephew gets his bullying attitude from. i'm very sorry for your loss.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (35m) am a single father of 3 boys (10m, 7m and 3m). their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. it has been a rough year to say the least. my sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. she has a son, my nephew (9m) who stays with us most of the time. my nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. a few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. he called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. i talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down. yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. it was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. the boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and i asked them both to calm down and behave. my son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. i choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. i figured i'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so i just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. i comforted my son and we went back to the party. before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying i had no bussineaa disciplining her child. i told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". i had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a puy". my in-laws were crying, i was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. i told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. she said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least i'm still a normal person". she stormed off. after the party i told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave. she is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. aita for throwing her out?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (35m) am a single father of 3 boys (10m, 7m and 3m). their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. it has been a rough year to say the least. my sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. she has a son, my nephew (9m) who stays with us most of the time. my nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. a few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. he called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. i talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down. yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. it was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. the boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and i asked them both to calm down and behave. my son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. i choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. i figured i'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so i just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. i comforted my son and we went back to the party. before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying i had no bussineaa disciplining her child. i told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". i had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a puy". my in-laws were crying, i was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. i told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. she said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least i'm still a normal person". she stormed off. after the party i told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave. she is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. aita for throwing her out? [/INST] nta. your wife died! that’s significantly different from being divorced. good job protecting your children from her poisonous attitude. and crying due to grief is hardly being a p$ssy so good on you for showing your boys that. </s>
AITA for not telling him dinner is ready?	my husband has an obsession with tiktok he’s 40 btw not 14. he takes his phone to the bathroom and will spend ages just mindlessly scrolling. we have 2 young kids and i think he just does it for some peace. but it means i’m constantly having to go and knock on the door are you ok? are you going to be long? will you come and help with the tiny humans? it’s a pita. i was making a full roast dinner and saw him heading off upstairs. i said it’ll be ready in 20 minutes don’t be long. set the table, finished cooking, plated up got the kids to the table and just thought i’m not going to seek him this is ridiculous. i 100% wanted to see how long it would take him to come out on his own- 2 hours and 10 minutes. in that time we had finished the meal, i had cleaned the kitchen and the floor, done the dishes and done a load of laundry and the kids were half way through a film. he came down and and yelled at me that i should have told him the meal was ready. i told him i’m not his mother and it’s not my job to go and seek him. he’s stormed out saying he’s not eating his meal now as roast dinners are rubbish heated in the microwave and this is all my fault and iata.	29,196	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ndtjqu/aita_for_not_telling_him_dinner_is_ready/	2021-05-16 17:42:14	nta. are you sure he's not 14? storming out because you didn't tell him the dinner you made was ready after you told him it would be 20 minutes is something a 14yo would do. a 40yo should apologize for taking so long and thank you for making dinner, feeding his kids and cleaning up. you two need to have a long talk about this.	thank you all. this has been going on for the last 6-7 weeks, before then he was fully engaged as a spouse and as a father. now he’s acting like a sullen teenager. we will talk tonight when he comes back from wherever he’s stormed off to try and get to the bottom of what’s going on. the people who said i have 3 kids right now are 100% correct	[removed]	nta >we have 2 young kids no, you have 2 young kids and one old one. there's only one adult in this house	nta. your husband's behaviour screams social media addiction, specifically tiktok. if he's not listening to you, ducking out on parental responsibilities and losing track of 2 hours of time then it may be worth really sitting him down and discussing this.	nta stop chasing after him to make sure he gets his dinner when it is ready. you told him it would be ready in 20mins he spent 130mins in the bathroom having fun with himself. good for you for standing up for yourself.	first 100000% nta. so, mark me if i didn't get something. \-you have 2 kids... that you didn't make on your own, so they're his too. \-the cooking is all yours. \-the cleaning all yours. \-childcare (doing all the above) still all yours. \-i assume he's not doing house chores either. \-but you have to feed him... which you do. \-and you have to be sure he's fed by chasing him through the house. \-and you have to control his screen time. \-also he doesn't seem to give a fuck about your feelings or provide emotional support. &#x200b; so please, can you tell me, besides a second salary to the house (i hope)... why is your life with him better than without him? because without at least you would have less chores to do.	that dude is jacking off. tiktok has porn. that dude, is jacking off. nta, that was inconsiderate of him	[deleted]	nta. he was on a device that tells you the time and comes equipped with an alarm, for goodness sake. this may have been a bit passive-aggressive, but it sounds like you're understandably at the end of your rope. the two of you need to have a serious discussion about how his obsession is impacting your family.	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband has an obsession with tiktok he’s 40 btw not 14. he takes his phone to the bathroom and will spend ages just mindlessly scrolling. we have 2 young kids and i think he just does it for some peace. but it means i’m constantly having to go and knock on the door are you ok? are you going to be long? will you come and help with the tiny humans? it’s a pita. i was making a full roast dinner and saw him heading off upstairs. i said it’ll be ready in 20 minutes don’t be long. set the table, finished cooking, plated up got the kids to the table and just thought i’m not going to seek him this is ridiculous. i 100% wanted to see how long it would take him to come out on his own- 2 hours and 10 minutes. in that time we had finished the meal, i had cleaned the kitchen and the floor, done the dishes and done a load of laundry and the kids were half way through a film. he came down and and yelled at me that i should have told him the meal was ready. i told him i’m not his mother and it’s not my job to go and seek him. he’s stormed out saying he’s not eating his meal now as roast dinners are rubbish heated in the microwave and this is all my fault and iata.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband has an obsession with tiktok he’s 40 btw not 14. he takes his phone to the bathroom and will spend ages just mindlessly scrolling. we have 2 young kids and i think he just does it for some peace. but it means i’m constantly having to go and knock on the door are you ok? are you going to be long? will you come and help with the tiny humans? it’s a pita. i was making a full roast dinner and saw him heading off upstairs. i said it’ll be ready in 20 minutes don’t be long. set the table, finished cooking, plated up got the kids to the table and just thought i’m not going to seek him this is ridiculous. i 100% wanted to see how long it would take him to come out on his own- 2 hours and 10 minutes. in that time we had finished the meal, i had cleaned the kitchen and the floor, done the dishes and done a load of laundry and the kids were half way through a film. he came down and and yelled at me that i should have told him the meal was ready. i told him i’m not his mother and it’s not my job to go and seek him. he’s stormed out saying he’s not eating his meal now as roast dinners are rubbish heated in the microwave and this is all my fault and iata. [/INST] nta. are you sure he's not 14? storming out because you didn't tell him the dinner you made was ready after you told him it would be 20 minutes is something a 14yo would do. a 40yo should apologize for taking so long and thank you for making dinner, feeding his kids and cleaning up. you two need to have a long talk about this. </s>
AITA for calling my ex out on his fb post?	so little baby "j" was born 16/5/17, his dad had broken up with me during the pregnancy, i didn't hold a grudge and wanted him to be involved, he promised me he would be but was never there- he was almost immediately in a relationship again and last i heard she was pregnant within 3 months, his life and his choice. he was never there for j, he has seen him literally 3 times all adding up to a total of 3hrs and 24 minutes, he does not pay child support, i do not want child support from him. so, i have a friend who is friends with my ex on fb and he recently texted me a screenshot of a post on exs wall. it was a picture of j, the day he was born. it was captioned "happy 3rd birthday, k, i wish your mother wouldn't keep us apart anymore, i wish you could meet your sibling but that isn't happening, i hope in the future we will meet just know you are my world" (he had wanted to name our son k) i do not keep them apart, at all, i encourage visits, i even bought him a carseat and something for j to sleep in when he visits. people were sympathising with him. so, i know this is tacky, i commented screenshots of texts of me offering to bring j around, of asking him when he would visit etc. i was blocked 3-4hrs later but damage had been done. he texted me calling me an ah and apparently his girlfriend had broken up with him over it and now he looks bad in front of his family. i don't really care what he thinks but my friend thinks i was an ah too and what i did was in bad taste. aita?	29,118	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/freddt/aita_for_calling_my_ex_out_on_his_fb_post/	2020-03-29 22:08:12	nta it’s good that you exposed his lies. oh and file for child support. whether or not you want it, your child deserves the support of both parents. if you don’t need the money, then you put it away for his education.	nta, but don't be stubborn, file for child support.	nta. he made his bed of bullshit, he can lie in it. he made a post specifically about your shared child and lied about how much of a shitty parent he is. you didn't escalate it, you're in the clear.	nta. not only is a deadbeat dad, but he was also lying to make you look bad. now at least more people know the truth.	nta - he was asking for it with that bs post. if he hadn‘t lied to everyone in his life, you wouldn‘t have been able to bust him. simple. he‘s a deadbeat sperm donor and has no one to blame but himself. i applaud you for what you did. if i may offer some unsolicited advice: make him pay child support. i get why you don‘t want him to. but it‘s your son‘s money and you should go get it for him.	nta, i get not wanting to broadcast shit on social media, but this jerk is not only willfully ignoring his child, but then also pretending it’s your fault?! f that noise! he deserves to be called out... his girlfriend has probably been believing this lie he’s fed her, so it’s his own fault if she broke up with him. nta!	nta. you go get that child support from that used cum sock	nta. you were defending yourself. file for child support. that money isn’t for you, it’s for j. if you don’t need it right now, put it in a savings account for him. i would never trust someone who isn’t apart of their kids’ lives. saying “the mom won’t let me see baby” is such a cop out bs excuse.	what i would give to look at that facebook thread...	nta but did your ex really get the date wrong? it’s still march, and you said your kid was born in may.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so little baby "j*" was born 16/5/17, his dad had broken up with me during the pregnancy, i didn't hold a grudge and wanted him to be involved, he promised me he would be but was never there- he was almost immediately in a relationship again and last i heard she was pregnant within 3 months, his life and his choice. he was never there for j, he has seen him literally 3 times all adding up to a total of 3hrs and 24 minutes, he does not pay child support, i do not want child support from him. so, i have a friend who is friends with my ex on fb and he recently texted me a screenshot of a post on exs wall. it was a picture of j, the day he was born. it was captioned "happy 3rd birthday, k, i wish your mother wouldn't keep us apart anymore, i wish you could meet your sibling but that isn't happening, i hope in the future we will meet just know you are my world" (he had wanted to name our son k) i do not keep them apart, at all, i encourage visits, i even bought him a carseat and something for j to sleep in when he visits. people were sympathising with him. so, i know this is tacky, i commented screenshots of texts of me offering to bring j around, of asking him when he would visit etc. i was blocked 3-4hrs later but damage had been done. he texted me calling me an ah and apparently his girlfriend had broken up with him over it and now he looks bad in front of his family. i don't really care what he thinks but my friend thinks i was an ah too and what i did was in bad taste. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so little baby "j*" was born 16/5/17, his dad had broken up with me during the pregnancy, i didn't hold a grudge and wanted him to be involved, he promised me he would be but was never there- he was almost immediately in a relationship again and last i heard she was pregnant within 3 months, his life and his choice. he was never there for j, he has seen him literally 3 times all adding up to a total of 3hrs and 24 minutes, he does not pay child support, i do not want child support from him. so, i have a friend who is friends with my ex on fb and he recently texted me a screenshot of a post on exs wall. it was a picture of j, the day he was born. it was captioned "happy 3rd birthday, k, i wish your mother wouldn't keep us apart anymore, i wish you could meet your sibling but that isn't happening, i hope in the future we will meet just know you are my world" (he had wanted to name our son k) i do not keep them apart, at all, i encourage visits, i even bought him a carseat and something for j to sleep in when he visits. people were sympathising with him. so, i know this is tacky, i commented screenshots of texts of me offering to bring j around, of asking him when he would visit etc. i was blocked 3-4hrs later but damage had been done. he texted me calling me an ah and apparently his girlfriend had broken up with him over it and now he looks bad in front of his family. i don't really care what he thinks but my friend thinks i was an ah too and what i did was in bad taste. aita? [/INST] nta it’s good that you exposed his lies. oh and file for child support. whether or not you want it, your child deserves the support of both parents. if you don’t need the money, then you put it away for his education. </s>
AITA for telling my parents I won't drive my brother to school unless he is more hygienic because his smell literally makes me sick?	i'm a high school senior and my brother is a high school freshman. i have a car that i bought with money i'd saved from work, and i pay my own gas. however my parents pay my car insurance, so they said that driving is a privilege for me, not a right. they said i need to drive my brother to school even though there's a bus. and the problem is that i get motion sick easily; even when i'm driving. too much driving makes me vomit, and bad smells when i'm in a car make me feel ill too. i'm not exaggerating, i've always been like this. as a kid, my family couldn't go on vacation without me puking at least once. i always make sure i know where my barf bag is on a plane. i always used to take motion sickness pills, but i'm not allowed when i'm driving because they make you tired. anyway, i can handle the drive to school on my own fine, but when my brother is with me i literally feel so sick because of his bo. even with the windows on my side open my friend told me i should make a checklist of what my brother needs to do before getting in my car in the morning: have a shower with shampoo and soap, brush his teeth, put on deodorant, wear clean clothes including underwear and socks, remember to use shoe antifungal spray. right now, he doesn't do that, he likes to sleep in to the last minute, skip showers most days, pick clothes up off the floor to wear, skip brushing his teeth, etc. so i did that and told my mom and dad that i couldn't do it anymore unless my brother had done the hygiene list in the morning. either they could check or i would. and they blew up at me saying that i was being nasty and humiliating, that if i wouldn't drive my brother i couldn't drive. and i said fine; i'll go back to riding my bicycle to school or getting a ride from my friend. and that caused a big fight, because i guess they were not expecting me to call their bluff and give up driving. aita for what i did?	29,108	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1wohr/aita_for_telling_my_parents_i_wont_drive_my/	2019-09-09 20:36:17	nta they should want to make sure their son is hygenic anyway so he doesn't get bullied and ostracized. no one likes the smelly kid. you are comfortable with their terms, nta.	nta. that's a completely reasonable request. and wth are your parents doing letting your brother go to school smelling like a ripe gym bag? i get thay teenaged boys sweat and can smell, but that's no excuse for poor hygiene. good on you for calling their bluff. they're just mad that they don't have leverage over you anymore.	nta. i would start paying for your own insurance. and also tell your brother you love him.	nta, and i seriously wonder why your parents are more afraid of hurting his feelings than parenting him and teaching him good hygiene. protecting his feelings (over yours, at that) is going to do more long term damage to him as a human being in the long run.	info: is there anything stopping you from paying your own insurance. it’s bs in my opinion that they hold that one charge over your head. nta.	nta. but maybe you could barf on him a couple times and see if that gets him to take the bus/take a shower.	nta. i am really sensitive to smells and i work with teenagers. holy moly - few things can tear gas a car quite like an unwashed pubescent boy. it leaches into your pores. it sticks in your nose. it’s a slime. you are soooo nta.	shoe anti-fungal spray? is he bathing in sewage? i dig your play. as long as you were solid and willing to execute. i make it a point to never bluff, because if you get called on it and lose, you've permanently handed over power to the ultimatum jerk. you might want to get your hypersensitivity checked by a doctor, because this may lead to life problems down the line. i occasionally have hyper smelling and it takes every bit of willpower not to barf from regular clean house smell. like dawn soap is one of my triggers, and i use that daily. i might have tried offering the bike to the stink-lord, but it sounds like there are no good solutions here, your parents have trenched this in as a "respect" thing. you are nta. if you puked while driving, you'd be putting everyone around you at risk. this is a safety issue as much as it is a stink issue. revised checklist 1. no you are not too tired to take a shower. get to it. 2. yes you have to brush your teeth, so does everyone else. 3. deodorant is non-optional. 4. floor grabbed clothes don't get a ride. this includes clean socks. 5. no grody shoes. 6. driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole. 7. buckle up. i'm sorry, even though you're totally not wrong, i don't think you're going to win this one, the trench has been dug.	nta you have a legit concern. if your parents aren’t going to address it properly, then you should just call their bluff and catch a different ride to school	nta, i understand exactly what you mean, especially since i had to drive my brother to school, too. you shouldn’t be responsible for someone else’s hygiene, and if you don’t want to be trapped in a closed metal shell with them sitting right next to you, you shouldn’t have to. it sounds like your brother is gonna have a tough time in high school, if his hygiene is that bad. best of luck friend.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a high school senior and my brother is a high school freshman. i have a car that i bought with money i'd saved from work, and i pay my own gas. however my parents pay my car insurance, so they said that driving is a privilege for me, not a right. they said i need to drive my brother to school even though there's a bus. and the problem is that i get motion sick easily; even when i'm driving. too much driving makes me vomit, and bad smells when i'm in a car make me feel ill too. i'm not exaggerating, i've always been like this. as a kid, my family couldn't go on vacation without me puking at least once. i always make sure i know where my barf bag is on a plane. i always used to take motion sickness pills, but i'm not allowed when i'm driving because they make you tired. anyway, i can handle the drive to school on my own fine, but when my brother is with me i literally feel so sick because of his bo. even with the windows on my side open my friend told me i should make a checklist of what my brother needs to do before getting in my car in the morning: have a shower with shampoo and soap, brush his teeth, put on deodorant, wear clean clothes including underwear and socks, remember to use shoe antifungal spray. right now, he doesn't do that, he likes to sleep in to the last minute, skip showers most days, pick clothes up off the floor to wear, skip brushing his teeth, etc. so i did that and told my mom and dad that i couldn't do it anymore unless my brother had done the hygiene list in the morning. either they could check or i would. and they blew up at me saying that i was being nasty and humiliating, that if i wouldn't drive my brother i couldn't drive. and i said fine; i'll go back to riding my bicycle to school or getting a ride from my friend. and that caused a big fight, because i guess they were not expecting me to call their bluff and give up driving. aita for what i did?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a high school senior and my brother is a high school freshman. i have a car that i bought with money i'd saved from work, and i pay my own gas. however my parents pay my car insurance, so they said that driving is a privilege for me, not a right. they said i need to drive my brother to school even though there's a bus. and the problem is that i get motion sick easily; even when i'm driving. too much driving makes me vomit, and bad smells when i'm in a car make me feel ill too. i'm not exaggerating, i've always been like this. as a kid, my family couldn't go on vacation without me puking at least once. i always make sure i know where my barf bag is on a plane. i always used to take motion sickness pills, but i'm not allowed when i'm driving because they make you tired. anyway, i can handle the drive to school on my own fine, but when my brother is with me i literally feel so sick because of his bo. even with the windows on my side open my friend told me i should make a checklist of what my brother needs to do before getting in my car in the morning: have a shower with shampoo and soap, brush his teeth, put on deodorant, wear clean clothes including underwear and socks, remember to use shoe antifungal spray. right now, he doesn't do that, he likes to sleep in to the last minute, skip showers most days, pick clothes up off the floor to wear, skip brushing his teeth, etc. so i did that and told my mom and dad that i couldn't do it anymore unless my brother had done the hygiene list in the morning. either they could check or i would. and they blew up at me saying that i was being nasty and humiliating, that if i wouldn't drive my brother i couldn't drive. and i said fine; i'll go back to riding my bicycle to school or getting a ride from my friend. and that caused a big fight, because i guess they were not expecting me to call their bluff and give up driving. aita for what i did? [/INST] nta they should want to make sure their son is hygenic anyway so he doesn't get bullied and ostracized. no one likes the smelly kid. you are comfortable with their terms, nta. </s>
AITA for telling my wife that we're BOTH pregnant?	i know this sounds bad, but hear me out. im using a throwaway cuz my wife uses reddit, so please don't upvote this. i just want honest feedback. my wife (29f) and i (27m) do well financially, so we decided to have our fourth child. every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare. some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning, but when she starts demanding i go to the store every day to get her snacks or set up her foot bath thingy because her feet are swollen, i get a little impatient. i work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession (i'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so i think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby. and it's not like i don't help around the house, either. she does all the cooking and dishes, but i do laundry, take out garbage, and mow the lawn (we pay someone to do the floors and bathrooms weekly). my mil comes over to help with the kids because she says i'm useless (ive been meaning to make a justnomil post about her), and while i appreciate the help i'm sick of her crap. just because i want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean i'm "useless". this all came to head yesterday when my wife screamed at me from the kitchen to get off my ass and entertain our twins so she could focus on her meatloaf. i made a dumb joke about how this is the third meatloaf we'll be eating this week, and she. lost. her. shit. she told me how i have no sympathy for the fact that she's pregnant, i should be taking on more of her chores since i can't breastfeed, but then i reminded her that i still work a lot more hours than her, so i think we're basically both pregnant. she got really quiet, and has only spoken to me regarding the kids since. i don't think i'm wrong but i'll apologize to her if it makes her happy. aita here?	29,082	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ge2hgf/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_were_both_pregnant/	2020-05-05 17:49:48	yta you want to play video games instead of watch the kids? you're irritated by what your wife is making dinner? you think that things like waking up in the middle of the night because she's puking are analogous to waking up in the night to puke? you're a huge major asshole. now, your wife needs to handle some things better, but this is a stupid way and stupid plan to think this will fix it. she's creating a living creature inside of her and let me assure you that shit is way harder than whatever you have to do. my god man	yta for this >some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning. oh wow, a hero! your wife must be so grateful that you deal with this, you're truly brave. also, you're not pregnant, your wife is. you have no idea what it's like and by the looks of it, you don't even care..	i'm having a hard time believing this is real but if it is: yta, the giant, juicy asshole, for all of the following: >every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare. some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning. oh goodness, you're being woken up?? how dare she have the gall to puke her guts out at such an ungodly hour. she is the one doing the vomiting. this is not equal. get a grip. >i work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession (i'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so i think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby. you will never be able to put an equal amount of effort into a pregnancy. it's her body going through it, not yours. stop trying to claim effort that you are not making. > just because i want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean i'm "useless". you don't get a gold star for doing laundry and taking out trash while you're also leaving a messy kitchen and refusing to help with anything for an hour a day because you need "you" time. not seeing any indication of your pregnant wife getting any "her" time. you do not get to always have one hour a day for just yourself when you wife is pregnant and you have 3 children at home. that's just the way it is. if this is a real post, you are coming across as selfish and inconsiderate at best and a downright asshole at worst. help your wife. don't apologize to her to make her happy, apologize and fucking mean it. think on this. think what she is going through physically to have another child and fucking treat her with respect and generosity. i would have dumped you long ago if you were mine.	yta. geez, yta. cooking and dishes are daily tasks. mowing and taking out the garbage are much more infrequent tasks. i'll give minor props for laundry. so now that we've established she does more at home than you do, how about you drop the whole "i work more hours than she does" bit? you don't like having meatloaf for the third time that week? then get up and make something different. and she was cooking and tending to twins? have you ever been pregnant while also having 3 kids already? i only have 2 kids, but the second time around was much, much harder than the first. you're tired more, things hurt more and much earlier too. i can't even imagine how tired i would be with 3 kids and another on the way. i also missed the part where you're physically carrying the child. i don't think you can be pregnant unless you are growing a kid in your uterus.	yta. does your wife get an hour a day to play video games? managing children is tiresome and not a relaxation time. why is she managing the children and cooking at the same time? when someone else cooks for you, you say thank you and that's it. also, congrats on not being annoyed by the sound of her puking her guts out. (that was sarcastic).	my wife isn't sleeping, puking her guts up all night, it hurts her swollen feet to move around while she has to deal with twins and another while carrying around the weight of another baby while she works. but then on top of that she cooks food for me that i whine about... but i work hard and do 3 chores a week compared to her doing cooking and cleaning daily, so piiiiitttttyyyyy me. xd aw man. do you hear yourself?	yta. you’re not pregnant. not even close. also, upvoted because you don’t get to tell people how to respond to your post.	yta. other than the fact that she cooks and cleans daily while taking care of your kids and you sit back and complain (but you take out the trash and do the laundry ofc, what a hero). you also clearly posted this because you wanted pity and not an honest answer, and it’s very obvious by how you’re not responding at all and instead downvoting everyone that calls you out for the sad excuse of a man that you are. yta, and your wife is clearly taking care of four children while pregnant, good luck to her. i hope she does see this and make your life hell.	yta your body isn't dealing with pregnancy, hers is. i'm sorry you poor soul have to put up with the sound of her puking her guts out. you sound like a real catch.	yta. dealing with three young children 24/7 is a full time job, let alone housekeeping. she already has a full time job as an engineer. are you really so checked out of fatherhood that you don’t notice what needs doing from moment to moment with the kids? get off your duff and mind your own children so they don’t get burned or bloody in the kitchen. her job is 24/7/365. ask yourself when she gets an hour each day to rest and recuperate. and are you kidding me? taking out the trash comes every few days, mowing the lawn, etc even fewer. you are not acting like a team player, but one of the biggest slackers i’ve ever heard of.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know this sounds bad, but hear me out. im using a throwaway cuz my wife uses reddit, so please don't upvote this. i just want honest feedback. my wife (29f) and i (27m) do well financially, so we decided to have our fourth child. every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare. some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning, but when she starts demanding i go to the store every day to get her snacks or set up her foot bath thingy because her feet are swollen, i get a little impatient. i work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession (i'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so i think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby. and it's not like i don't help around the house, either. she does all the cooking and dishes, but i do laundry, take out garbage, and mow the lawn (we pay someone to do the floors and bathrooms weekly). my mil comes over to help with the kids because she says i'm useless (ive been meaning to make a justnomil post about her), and while i appreciate the help i'm sick of her crap. just because i want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean i'm "useless". this all came to head yesterday when my wife screamed at me from the kitchen to get off my ass and entertain our twins so she could focus on her meatloaf. i made a dumb joke about how this is the third meatloaf we'll be eating this week, and she. lost. her. shit. she told me how i have no sympathy for the fact that she's pregnant, i should be taking on more of her chores since i can't breastfeed, but then i reminded her that i still work a lot more hours than her, so i think we're basically both pregnant. she got really quiet, and has only spoken to me regarding the kids since. i don't think i'm wrong but i'll apologize to her if it makes her happy. aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i know this sounds bad, but hear me out. im using a throwaway cuz my wife uses reddit, so please don't upvote this. i just want honest feedback. my wife (29f) and i (27m) do well financially, so we decided to have our fourth child. every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare. some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning, but when she starts demanding i go to the store every day to get her snacks or set up her foot bath thingy because her feet are swollen, i get a little impatient. i work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession (i'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so i think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby. and it's not like i don't help around the house, either. she does all the cooking and dishes, but i do laundry, take out garbage, and mow the lawn (we pay someone to do the floors and bathrooms weekly). my mil comes over to help with the kids because she says i'm useless (ive been meaning to make a justnomil post about her), and while i appreciate the help i'm sick of her crap. just because i want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean i'm "useless". this all came to head yesterday when my wife screamed at me from the kitchen to get off my ass and entertain our twins so she could focus on her meatloaf. i made a dumb joke about how this is the third meatloaf we'll be eating this week, and she. lost. her. shit. she told me how i have no sympathy for the fact that she's pregnant, i should be taking on more of her chores since i can't breastfeed, but then i reminded her that i still work a lot more hours than her, so i think we're basically both pregnant. she got really quiet, and has only spoken to me regarding the kids since. i don't think i'm wrong but i'll apologize to her if it makes her happy. aita here? [/INST] yta you want to play video games instead of watch the kids? you're irritated by what your wife is making dinner? you think that things like waking up in the middle of the night because she's puking are analogous to waking up in the night to puke? you're a huge major asshole. now, your wife needs to handle some things better, but this is a stupid way and stupid plan to think this will fix it. she's creating a living creature inside of her and let me assure you that shit is way harder than whatever you have to do. my god man </s>
AITA for getting my family to do a "swear tax" after my dad told me off for swearing? (My dad and brothers cuss like sailors but apparently me cussing is unladylike?)	i am living with my family, it's me a 15 year old girl, my twin brothers who are 17, and my parents. my dad cusses a lot, and so do my older brothers. but apparently the standards are different for me, my dad overheard me saying a couple cuss words when i was on the phone with my friends and he got mad at me for my language, and for how trashy and unladylike it was. this wasn't the first time he called me (and only me) out for bad language, but it was the one that frustrated me the most because i could tell there was a double standard. i thought of calling him out on his language and hipocracy, but then i had a different idea. --- i said that yeah, it was a bad habit i was forming and didn't want to make a pattern... because if i got in the habit of cussing a lot, that wouldn't make me come off well when i start getting jobs or going to college. and as i was growing up, i wanted to learn how to speak respectfully and intelligently. but it was hard to keep from bad habits, when i heard him and my brothers having potty-mouth-syndrome so often. they're setting an example whether they realize it or not... so i wanted to work on things for myself, but also together as a family. i suggested we make a "swear tax" where if anyone swears in front of anyone else who's participating, they give a dollar to each person who heard them. i'd want that rule for myself because it would keep me accountable and i'd really like it if the family joined me for it... ---- so my dad said he'd join, and so would my mom. they got my brothers to be a part of it too. they didn't really have a choice, my parents decided to make it a rule. i know it's kinda petty but i wanted to make the point that my dad and brothers swear a lot and i almost never do. in the few months we've had the rule, i've gotten about 250 dollars from hearing my dad and brothers cuss, and have not sworn once. it's kinda making my brothers angry because they often cuss when they're mad, and i ask them for money, so they get madder and cuss more, so i get more money until they shut up. my dad actually got mad at me too, he was having some drinks, calling his brother and talking, and i came over after and asked for 18 dollars. he actually said he wouldn't give me that much, and there should be a cutoff. he gave me 5 dollars which sends a weird message... like swearing is bad, unless you wanna swear a lot, then it's cool?? i feel like i've made my point already so really now i'm just continuing to "want the family to learn not to cuss" for the money, and it's really making my brothers mad. aita for having the idea for the "family swear tax" after my dad got angry at me for swearing? i did it because i know i swear the least out of my family but i was the only one getting in trouble for it	29,068	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfr4xe/aita_for_getting_my_family_to_do_a_swear_tax/	2020-06-25 18:17:04	nta they agreed to it, they have to play by the rules	nta that was actually genius way to handle the situation. i would have been petty and angry and would just swear more, especially after the “unladylike” comment.	nta and this is amazing. you definitely shouldn't get in trouble for it because you proposed the deal and they agreed. not your fault for enforcing the new rule.	nta, so long as you aren't misusing the rule. for example, if your dad was talking on the phone in a room seperate from you and you went and sat in the room unannounced for the sole purpose of gaining money. otherwise, good on you for fighting the double standard and making bank while doing it	don't spew profanities. enunciate them clearly, like a fucking lady. nta	nta. this was delightfully clever of you and a very fair way to point out the double standard. and all they have to do is make it stop is quit yelling at you for swearing when they do it all the time.	nta. would have been easier for your dad to stop being a sexist hypocrite but he decided to play the game instead.	nta that is fucking genius... and i owe you a dollar now, sorry!	nta. just simply tell dad... "like father, like daughter. don't like it? don't swear. if you owe $18 but can only pay $5? then i get 13 free swear words on my tab."	nta. technically speaking, it’s un-ladylike to swear, but it’s also in-gentlemanly to swear as well. so effectively, based on the fact that you’re the only one held to this standard, you’re the lady of the house and they are your subordinates since none of them rank above commoner.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am living with my family, it's me a 15 year old girl, my twin brothers who are 17, and my parents. my dad cusses a lot, and so do my older brothers. but apparently the standards are different for me, my dad overheard me saying a couple cuss words when i was on the phone with my friends and he got mad at me for my language, and for how trashy and unladylike it was. this wasn't the first time he called me (and only me) out for bad language, but it was the one that frustrated me the most because i could tell there was a double standard. i thought of calling him out on his language and hipocracy, but then i had a different idea. --- i said that yeah, it was a bad habit i was forming and didn't want to make a pattern... because if i got in the habit of cussing a lot, that wouldn't make me come off well when i start getting jobs or going to college. and as i was growing up, i wanted to learn how to speak respectfully and intelligently. but it was hard to keep from bad habits, when i heard him and my brothers having potty-mouth-syndrome so often. they're setting an example whether they realize it or not... so i wanted to work on things for myself, but also together as a family. i suggested we make a "swear tax" where if anyone swears in front of anyone else who's participating, they give a dollar to each person who heard them. i'd want that rule for myself because it would keep me accountable and i'd really like it if the family joined me for it... ---- so my dad said he'd join, and so would my mom. they got my brothers to be a part of it too. they didn't really have a choice, my parents decided to make it a rule. i know it's kinda petty but i wanted to make the point that my dad and brothers swear a lot and i almost never do. in the few months we've had the rule, i've gotten about 250 dollars from hearing my dad and brothers cuss, and have not sworn once. it's kinda making my brothers angry because they often cuss when they're mad, and i ask them for money, so they get madder and cuss more, so i get more money until they shut up. my dad actually got mad at me too, he was having some drinks, calling his brother and talking, and i came over after and asked for 18 dollars. he actually said he wouldn't give me that much, and there should be a cutoff. he gave me 5 dollars which sends a weird message... like swearing is bad, unless you wanna swear a lot, then it's cool?? i feel like i've made my point already so really now i'm just continuing to "want the family to learn not to cuss" for the money, and it's really making my brothers mad. aita for having the idea for the "family swear tax" after my dad got angry at me for swearing? i did it because i know i swear the least out of my family but i was the only one getting in trouble for it	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am living with my family, it's me a 15 year old girl, my twin brothers who are 17, and my parents. my dad cusses a lot, and so do my older brothers. but apparently the standards are different for me, my dad overheard me saying a couple cuss words when i was on the phone with my friends and he got mad at me for my language, and for how trashy and unladylike it was. this wasn't the first time he called me (and only me) out for bad language, but it was the one that frustrated me the most because i could tell there was a double standard. i thought of calling him out on his language and hipocracy, but then i had a different idea. --- i said that yeah, it was a bad habit i was forming and didn't want to make a pattern... because if i got in the habit of cussing a lot, that wouldn't make me come off well when i start getting jobs or going to college. and as i was growing up, i wanted to learn how to speak respectfully and intelligently. but it was hard to keep from bad habits, when i heard him and my brothers having potty-mouth-syndrome so often. they're setting an example whether they realize it or not... so i wanted to work on things for myself, but also together as a family. i suggested we make a "swear tax" where if anyone swears in front of anyone else who's participating, they give a dollar to each person who heard them. i'd want that rule for myself because it would keep me accountable and i'd really like it if the family joined me for it... ---- so my dad said he'd join, and so would my mom. they got my brothers to be a part of it too. they didn't really have a choice, my parents decided to make it a rule. i know it's kinda petty but i wanted to make the point that my dad and brothers swear a lot and i almost never do. in the few months we've had the rule, i've gotten about 250 dollars from hearing my dad and brothers cuss, and have not sworn once. it's kinda making my brothers angry because they often cuss when they're mad, and i ask them for money, so they get madder and cuss more, so i get more money until they shut up. my dad actually got mad at me too, he was having some drinks, calling his brother and talking, and i came over after and asked for 18 dollars. he actually said he wouldn't give me that much, and there should be a cutoff. he gave me 5 dollars which sends a weird message... like swearing is bad, unless you wanna swear a lot, then it's cool?? i feel like i've made my point already so really now i'm just continuing to "want the family to learn not to cuss" for the money, and it's really making my brothers mad. aita for having the idea for the "family swear tax" after my dad got angry at me for swearing? i did it because i know i swear the least out of my family but i was the only one getting in trouble for it [/INST] nta they agreed to it, they have to play by the rules </s>
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over my video games.	so i have a decent video collection, i will not post pictures as i do not want this post linked to my actual account. my girlfriend of 2 years 25f and me 24f decided we wanted to move in together, she kinda mentioned getting rid of my collection but i thought she was joking so i brushed it off. turns out she wanted me to get rid of my whole video game collection, some of my games are worth some money and i've been keeping them so they can become more expensive. my collection is also 3 years of me thrift shopping and i do not want to throw that away, i tried to explain it but she refused and told me that i did not love her enough to make this sacrifice. about 2/3 days ago she called me and said it's me or the fucking video games. i chose the games and she hung up on me. everyone that i've spoken to (excluding a few people) have been telling me i fucked up, and that i should of picked her over some games. aita?	29,049	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/brov5g/aita_for_breaking_up_with_my_girlfriend_over_my/	2019-05-22 13:34:56	nta, ultimatums are stupid and unfair and if she's willing to make this big of a deal over a videogame collection (which you presumably purchased with your own money) it doesn't bode well for the future.	nta she's not the boss of you and needs to learn to compromise. you don't get together with someone then start dictating how they act. the people who say your screwed up are not your friends.	nta. partners shouldn't give ultimatums and conditions for relationships. she knows who you are as a person and about your collection before moving in. if it's a problem for her and that makes the relationship not work for her, then she should walk away. an ultimatum like that is straight up manipulative bs and you're better to be rid of her.	info: why does she want you to get rid of your collection? is it a hoarder house situation with towers of disks and cartridges up to the ceiling or is there another reason?	there has to be more to this story than this. what's the reason for her wanting you to get rid of the games? how did you react initially?	nta. she gave you an ultimatum about a hobby/collection that has monetary value? seems like you dodged a bullet	info - how many games are you exactly playing? like 20 hours a day of it, or in your spare time? if she's pissed that you have it at all, clearly nta, but if you're playing all day ignoring her, then esh in my opinion.	info: why was she so dead set about you giving up your collection? that is a wierd hill to die on.	info i refuse to believe that's all there is to this, people don't just act like this unless there's something wrong. like, how they're stacked, is it a hoarding problem, how much money do you spend on games, how much time do you spend playing them, etc. like, nobody acts that irrationally for no reason and especially not over bloody games. there's *got* to be more. did she give a reason? has she ever shown any disdain for your collection previously over the years?	nta. anyone who gives you an ultimatum like that doesn't respect you and you are better off without them.	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	NTA	INFO	INFO	INFO	NTA	0.098154	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i have a decent video collection, i will not post pictures as i do not want this post linked to my actual account. my girlfriend of 2 years 25f and me 24f decided we wanted to move in together, she kinda mentioned getting rid of my collection but i thought she was joking so i brushed it off. turns out she wanted me to get rid of my whole video game collection, some of my games are worth some money and i've been keeping them so they can become more expensive. my collection is also 3 years of me thrift shopping and i do not want to throw that away, i tried to explain it but she refused and told me that i did not love her enough to make this sacrifice. about 2/3 days ago she called me and said it's me or the fucking video games. i chose the games and she hung up on me. everyone that i've spoken to (excluding a few people) have been telling me i fucked up, and that i should of picked her over some games. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i have a decent video collection, i will not post pictures as i do not want this post linked to my actual account. my girlfriend of 2 years 25f and me 24f decided we wanted to move in together, she kinda mentioned getting rid of my collection but i thought she was joking so i brushed it off. turns out she wanted me to get rid of my whole video game collection, some of my games are worth some money and i've been keeping them so they can become more expensive. my collection is also 3 years of me thrift shopping and i do not want to throw that away, i tried to explain it but she refused and told me that i did not love her enough to make this sacrifice. about 2/3 days ago she called me and said it's me or the fucking video games. i chose the games and she hung up on me. everyone that i've spoken to (excluding a few people) have been telling me i fucked up, and that i should of picked her over some games. aita? [/INST] nta, ultimatums are stupid and unfair and if she's willing to make this big of a deal over a videogame collection (which you presumably purchased with your own money) it doesn't bode well for the future. </s>
AITA for having pot cookies out in the open in my own home?	this is an ongoing situation, and am currently writing this as my niece is having a full-on meltdown. so i apologize for any mistakes. today was my day off and i decided to whip up a batch of pot cookies (cookies that have weed extract in them) so i can snack on them for the weekend. after they finish baking i left them out on a cooling tray so they can set. just as i finished cleaning up the kitchen i hear the door bell and went to answer, and surprise surprise it's my sister with 8yo niece and husband. it's been awhile since i've last seen them to it was a happy surprise. i let them in, and the smell of cookies still in the air, and niece goes bolting towards the kitchen. i instantly go chasing her and as i round the corner into the kitchen, niece had just grabbed a cookie and was about to eat it, quick on my feet i swooped in and grabbed the cookie out of her hand saying that these were adult cookies. which caused niece to start freaking out. my sister followed in and i explained to her that these cookies had pot in them and assured her i was able to take the cookie away from niece before she had ate any. she instantly blows up at me saying i shouldn't have pot cookies out when there are kids in the house, i explained how i had just finished baking them and they were setting, and the fact that i didn't expect any children to be around (i am a single man, no kids), she asked if i had any thing that wasn't "laced" and unfortunately i didn't, by this point niece has locked herself in the bathroom and is crying. and my sister gave me a big ol' lecture about having drugs in reach of kids, while i stand on the premise of, there wouldn't be an issue if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today. she called me a huge irresponsible asshole, and i responded "well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!" she left to try to get niece out of the bathroom and i'm sat here typing this, am i really the asshole here? like i can understand not having drugs out in the open with kids around, and i never would - if i had known there were going to be kids around. also, before i get any flak, i'm in canada and weeds legal here.	29,028	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hc7wd7/aita_for_having_pot_cookies_out_in_the_open_in_my/	2020-06-19 20:14:22	nta. it’s polite to give people a heads up before you drop by, by 8 years old you should know not to take things without asking, and locking herself in a bathroom over not getting a cookie is ridiculous behavior for an 8yo.	nta - with all the mediums to connect with people why would you ever pop over unannounced? what if you hadn’t been home? what if you’d been in the middle of ‘something’? would you then have to be talked down about having ‘adult fun’....in your own house....when you didn’t expect anyone to come over? man she should be so lucky it was just pot cookies.	i was really really prepared to call you the asshole...but she tossed a kid into the house without checking that everything was okay for there to be a kid or getting you advanced notice at all. nta. as strange as that is for me to say in this case. sounds like your sister is mad that she did some bad parenting and taking it out on you.	nta. as a parent, i can with confidence say you did nothing. wrong here.	nta. you wouldn't have had them out if she had the courtesy to call first, or the manners to teach her child to ask before taking food from another person's home.	i'm a parent, i use weed both medicinally and recreationally, you are, laughably, nta. your sister needs to teach her daughter to ask before grabbing things, and realize that she likely would have taken exactly one bite and spit it out. pot is a really hard flavor to cover, and kids don't tend to enjoy it. and that her daughter is probably more upset at the sudden reaction by the adults than the lack of a cookie, and will be fine in about five minutes. also, "laced"? is she serious? 🤣	nta. you could not have known that she would be bringing her kid by. the kid should not have been grabbing things off your counter without permission. poor parent deflecting, annnd this is exactly why you should not swing by someone's home unannounced.	nta. why on earth should you permanently keep your home in a perfectly kid-friendly state in case her kid drops by? also, throwing a tantrum because you were denied a snack is toddler level, not 8-year-old behavior (i have an 8 year old daughter and she’s no saint but what you’re describing is pretty far from the norm).	nta. i have an 8 and 4 year old in my home and sometimes i make cookies, and you better believe they still ask in their own damn home if they can have a cookie. what if cookies are for after dinner? what if cookies are for a birthday party? its rude to take food that's not yours. in fact, when bringing in an entire tray of cookies to a classroom of 8 year olds they sat down and waited. i dont know any kids that are just allowed to eat all the cookies whenever the hell they want without asking.	\> there wouldn't be an issue if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today. correct. \> i responded "well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!" correct. nta.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is an ongoing situation, and am currently writing this as my niece is having a full-on meltdown. so i apologize for any mistakes. today was my day off and i decided to whip up a batch of pot cookies (cookies that have weed extract in them) so i can snack on them for the weekend. after they finish baking i left them out on a cooling tray so they can set. just as i finished cleaning up the kitchen i hear the door bell and went to answer, and surprise surprise it's my sister with 8yo niece and husband. it's been awhile since i've last seen them to it was a happy surprise. i let them in, and the smell of cookies still in the air, and niece goes bolting towards the kitchen. i instantly go chasing her and as i round the corner into the kitchen, niece had just grabbed a cookie and was about to eat it, quick on my feet i swooped in and grabbed the cookie out of her hand saying that these were adult cookies. which caused niece to start freaking out. my sister followed in and i explained to her that these cookies had pot in them and assured her i was able to take the cookie away from niece before she had ate any. she instantly blows up at me saying i shouldn't have pot cookies out when there are kids in the house, i explained how i had just finished baking them and they were setting, and the fact that i didn't expect any children to be around (i am a single man, no kids), she asked if i had any thing that wasn't "laced" and unfortunately i didn't, by this point niece has locked herself in the bathroom and is crying. and my sister gave me a big ol' lecture about having drugs in reach of kids, while i stand on the premise of, there wouldn't be an issue if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today.* she called me a huge irresponsible asshole, and i responded "well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!" she left to try to get niece out of the bathroom and i'm sat here typing this, am i really the asshole here? like i can understand not having drugs out in the open with kids around, and i never would - if i had known there were going to be kids around. also, before i get any flak, i'm in canada and weeds legal here.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this is an ongoing situation, and am currently writing this as my niece is having a full-on meltdown. so i apologize for any mistakes. today was my day off and i decided to whip up a batch of pot cookies (cookies that have weed extract in them) so i can snack on them for the weekend. after they finish baking i left them out on a cooling tray so they can set. just as i finished cleaning up the kitchen i hear the door bell and went to answer, and surprise surprise it's my sister with 8yo niece and husband. it's been awhile since i've last seen them to it was a happy surprise. i let them in, and the smell of cookies still in the air, and niece goes bolting towards the kitchen. i instantly go chasing her and as i round the corner into the kitchen, niece had just grabbed a cookie and was about to eat it, quick on my feet i swooped in and grabbed the cookie out of her hand saying that these were adult cookies. which caused niece to start freaking out. my sister followed in and i explained to her that these cookies had pot in them and assured her i was able to take the cookie away from niece before she had ate any. she instantly blows up at me saying i shouldn't have pot cookies out when there are kids in the house, i explained how i had just finished baking them and they were setting, and the fact that i didn't expect any children to be around (i am a single man, no kids), she asked if i had any thing that wasn't "laced" and unfortunately i didn't, by this point niece has locked herself in the bathroom and is crying. and my sister gave me a big ol' lecture about having drugs in reach of kids, while i stand on the premise of, there wouldn't be an issue if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today.* she called me a huge irresponsible asshole, and i responded "well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!" she left to try to get niece out of the bathroom and i'm sat here typing this, am i really the asshole here? like i can understand not having drugs out in the open with kids around, and i never would - if i had known there were going to be kids around. also, before i get any flak, i'm in canada and weeds legal here. [/INST] nta. it’s polite to give people a heads up before you drop by, by 8 years old you should know not to take things without asking, and locking herself in a bathroom over not getting a cookie is ridiculous behavior for an 8yo. </s>
AITA for replying to a rude customer in the language they were speaking in front of me?	i'm a slave to the siren (a starbucks barista). i'm pretty decent with most customers and i'm pretty good at having convos with customers and sensing when someone just wants the line moved forward. anyway, i was on register the other day, taking people's orders. two older men were ordering from me. one of them said "a coffee, black", so i just asked to clarify the size he wanted and the roast (blonde, medium or dark) to which he first spoke to his friend and said, rudely "nou zeg, niet de slimste meid die hier werkt, hè? ze zouden en beetje kunnen leeren om hun hersenen te gebruiken" which is dutch and translates roughly to "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" then he told me he wanted a medium dark roast. so i nodded and then replied to him in dutch, asking him the regular questions i would to complete an order (anything else to eat or drink today?, what was your name for your other drinks? do you have a starbucks rewards card?). i was perfectly pleasant and smiley for the rest of the transaction but just conducted it in dutch. he answered the questions in english but his eyes were bulging out of his head. his friend looked kind of worried but burst out laughing when they walked away. i realize it might not be the best look for someone in service, and when my coworker asked me what it was about and i explained, she seemed kinda confused as to why i would do that. i don't think it was an asshole move because i was still nice to the guy but i definitely called him out and made it clear to him that i'd understood the stuff he was saying. but maybe i shouldn't have because of the position i was in at the time (like customer service?) aita?	28,946	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/exk08u/aita_for_replying_to_a_rude_customer_in_the/	2020-02-02 05:59:58	nta - to the power of infinity. who says this? "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" fast food is rough. to survive i recommend looking at it as live theatre. he probably is going home to 101 dalmatian puppies that he is going to turn into a jacket.	nta you were simply making sure he understood the questions you were asking, since he started speaking dutch and didn’t give you an answer. you should never use another language to trash talk someone. he got caught and was upset at it. not your problem and good on you for courteously (and hilariously) checking him.	nta the guy was being a prick and you called him out in the most polite way possible. there’s no need to give crap to service employees who are trying to help. he also isn’t as special as he thinks for speaking a foreign language. great job.	nta good story for r/ispeakthelanguage i don't get why he would even say that if he hadn't told you his size/roast.	[removed]	this is not an aita post. for that you deserve a yta, but not for the scenario, just because this is not an ambiguous situation and there's no way a reasonable person would consider this to be an asshole behavior.	nta at all. it would be one thing if you responded rudely back since in customer service that isn't great but you just let them know subtle you understood them.	nta, if he can talk crap about you in another language why would it be offensive for you to say something back in dutch that wasn't even rude?	[removed]	i have to ask what city this in, because i know two dutch guys who constantly use dutch to trash talk customer service. they've gotta be the same guys, right?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	YTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0.057131	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a slave to the siren (a starbucks barista). i'm pretty decent with most customers and i'm pretty good at having convos with customers and sensing when someone just wants the line moved forward. anyway, i was on register the other day, taking people's orders. two older men were ordering from me. one of them said "a coffee, black", so i just asked to clarify the size he wanted and the roast (blonde, medium or dark) to which he first spoke to his friend and said, rudely "nou zeg, niet de slimste meid die hier werkt, hè? ze zouden en beetje kunnen leeren om hun hersenen te gebruiken" which is dutch and translates roughly to "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" then he told me he wanted a medium dark roast. so i nodded and then replied to him in dutch, asking him the regular questions i would to complete an order (anything else to eat or drink today?, what was your name for your other drinks? do you have a starbucks rewards card?). i was perfectly pleasant and smiley for the rest of the transaction but just conducted it in dutch. he answered the questions in english but his eyes were bulging out of his head. his friend looked kind of worried but burst out laughing when they walked away. i realize it might not be the best look for someone in service, and when my coworker asked me what it was about and i explained, she seemed kinda confused as to why i would do that. i don't think it was an asshole move because i was still nice to the guy but i definitely called him out and made it clear to him that i'd understood the stuff he was saying. but maybe i shouldn't have because of the position i was in at the time (like customer service?) aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a slave to the siren (a starbucks barista). i'm pretty decent with most customers and i'm pretty good at having convos with customers and sensing when someone just wants the line moved forward. anyway, i was on register the other day, taking people's orders. two older men were ordering from me. one of them said "a coffee, black", so i just asked to clarify the size he wanted and the roast (blonde, medium or dark) to which he first spoke to his friend and said, rudely "nou zeg, niet de slimste meid die hier werkt, hè? ze zouden en beetje kunnen leeren om hun hersenen te gebruiken" which is dutch and translates roughly to "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" then he told me he wanted a medium dark roast. so i nodded and then replied to him in dutch, asking him the regular questions i would to complete an order (anything else to eat or drink today?, what was your name for your other drinks? do you have a starbucks rewards card?). i was perfectly pleasant and smiley for the rest of the transaction but just conducted it in dutch. he answered the questions in english but his eyes were bulging out of his head. his friend looked kind of worried but burst out laughing when they walked away. i realize it might not be the best look for someone in service, and when my coworker asked me what it was about and i explained, she seemed kinda confused as to why i would do that. i don't think it was an asshole move because i was still nice to the guy but i definitely called him out and made it clear to him that i'd understood the stuff he was saying. but maybe i shouldn't have because of the position i was in at the time (like customer service?) aita? [/INST] nta - to the power of infinity. who says this? "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" fast food is rough. to survive i recommend looking at it as live theatre. he probably is going home to 101 dalmatian puppies that he is going to turn into a jacket. </s>
AITA for telling my sister I don't trust her to watch my son?	i'm a 19 year old man with a 3mo old son. his mother surrendered her rights and is no longer in the picture. i work 4am-12pm at a gas station and i raise my son, that's what i do these days. only one of my friends still speaks to me and hangs out with me. i live at home with my parents and sister (21) and pay a small rent each month. i can't afford to move out with the baby. my parents help me when they can. my sister doesn't like my son, she once told me she thinks he's an annoyance and hinderance. if he cries she complains. if there's baby clothes in the laundry she complains. basically the baby exists and that pisses her off. i'm not perfect but i'm trying my best to be a good dad. my sister has never offered to help with the baby beyond holding him briefly and she hasn't done that more than about four or five times since he was born. the other day my friend called and offered me a really great opportunity for some side-work. he works construction and they needed an extra guy for some installation work. four hours and i'd get $400.00. i jumped at it, any extra money can only help. i started trying to find a babysitter. my sister was hanging out in the living room while i walked around the house on the phone. i managed to find a sitter who said she didn't want to be paid and went to get the baby ready. my sister asked me why i didn't ask her when she was sitting right there. i told her i didn't think she'd want to since she'd never offered to help before. she told me it was different, this was for work and not just me wanting to sleep or whatever, and he was about to go down for his nap and he's pretty easy when first wakes up, she told me it wouldn't be a problem. i asked her why she didn't say something between phone calls and she said she didn't think she needed too because we're family and family asks each other for help. i reminded her of all the times she'd complained about the baby and me and called him names and told me she waited he'd never been born and asked her why she thought i'd ever trust her with my son. she started crying and told me that wasn't fair and i needed to remember that the whole house was dealing with a baby and she was just having a hard time adjusting but she'd never do anything to hurt him. i told her she should have spoken to me about her feelings instead of acting like a child, took my son and left. when i got home both my parents set in on me because my sister told them i'd accused her of bad intentions to the baby. aita for being honest when my sister offered to babysit?	28,885	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f93gj0/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_dont_trust_her_to/	2020-02-25 03:02:48	nta. she only offered because she thinks she’ll be paid. your instincts are correct. with everything she’s said about your son she’d be the very last name on the list. remind your parents of the comments she’s made. you have no reason at all to trust her when it comes to your kid.	nta. kudos to you, op, for busting your ass to be a good dad. your sister clearly has issues with your kid, so her watching him for an extended period, napping or not, seems like a bad idea. you did the right thing.	info who on earth did you find who was willing to watch an infant for free?	your sister has made it very clear that she’s not interested in helping with the baby, i wouldn’t have asked either. nta. good luck to you, being a single parent is hard, especially so young.	nta- she from your description isnt a safe choice to watch your son. you're doing great.	i had a babysitter force-feed my children water. she had the idea that if 8 glasses a day (for adults) is good, then 8 gallons a day (even for preschoolers) was better. i'm very lucky my children weren't seriously harmed, but that was the utter end of leaving my children with anyone else until they were old enough to resist wicked authority. i don't think any parent whose babysitter harms their child can really be prepared for it, but you should trust your instincts. please read this: # the gift of fear : and other survival signals that protect us from violence by gavin de becker your instinct tells you that your sister can really harm your baby. don't force yourself to ignore that just to be polite.	nta your sister has made it clear she dislikes your kid. she's called him an annoyance and a hindrance. you are absolutely right to not trust her with babysitting. what if the baby starts wailing for some reason. how do you know how she'll react considering she's wanted nothing to do with him since he was born and complains when he cries.	[deleted]	nah... hear me out. i certainly think you’re not the asshole, but hearing your sisters argument, i sort of agree with her in a big way. yes it’s your baby, but the whole family are also living with him and that would obviously change their lives too. perhaps it would be annoying sometimes (for example, if they want to watch a movie at night and can’t for fears of waking the baby) as babies change your lives and even parents who feel ready for a child have moments where they break down about everything from being awaken at all hours etc. fair enough, i haven’t had to live with a baby. but i have friends who have (a family members kid) and they need to walk on egg shells in their own homes. this can obviously take a toll. so yeah she should have said what she said differently, but there could be some merit to what she’s saying. after all, babies aren’t always unicorns and rainbows. they’re hard work for everyone even if they’re not directly involved. and lastly, she said that she would have helped you out here so there’s that. you never know, it could have been a way to have her become more accepting?	esh. i'm childfree by choice and would prefer to not care for children also i find them generally annoying. i will absolutely step up if a family members, or friends kids, need watching because parents are in a bind. i think this was a good learning situation for everyone. sister gets to see how her words affect her trustworthiness, you communicated your feelings well, and stood up to your parents while accepting help that was offer via your community. if possible i'd have a sit down conversation expressing that her words mean something and that if she truly feels she wants to be able to be called on in a pinch she needs to show she's capable of taking care of the kid. ie watch how things are done and why they're done for kiddo. i think she's also venting the only way she knows how about the dramatic change in her home. kids affect everyone they live with and she likely feels like she has no control ( not like she had a lot to begin with) if her living situation.	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	NAH	ESH	0.076621	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a 19 year old man with a 3mo old son. his mother surrendered her rights and is no longer in the picture. i work 4am-12pm at a gas station and i raise my son, that's what i do these days. only one of my friends still speaks to me and hangs out with me. i live at home with my parents and sister (21) and pay a small rent each month. i can't afford to move out with the baby. my parents help me when they can. my sister doesn't like my son, she once told me she thinks he's an annoyance and hinderance. if he cries she complains. if there's baby clothes in the laundry she complains. basically the baby exists and that pisses her off. i'm not perfect but i'm trying my best to be a good dad. my sister has never offered to help with the baby beyond holding him briefly and she hasn't done that more than about four or five times since he was born. the other day my friend called and offered me a really great opportunity for some side-work. he works construction and they needed an extra guy for some installation work. four hours and i'd get $400.00. i jumped at it, any extra money can only help. i started trying to find a babysitter. my sister was hanging out in the living room while i walked around the house on the phone. i managed to find a sitter who said she didn't want to be paid and went to get the baby ready. my sister asked me why i didn't ask her when she was sitting right there. i told her i didn't think she'd want to since she'd never offered to help before. she told me it was different, this was for work and not just me wanting to sleep or whatever, and he was about to go down for his nap and he's pretty easy when first wakes up, she told me it wouldn't be a problem. i asked her why she didn't say something between phone calls and she said she didn't think she needed too because we're family and family asks each other for help. i reminded her of all the times she'd complained about the baby and me and called him names and told me she waited he'd never been born and asked her why she thought i'd ever trust her with my son. she started crying and told me that wasn't fair and i needed to remember that the whole house was dealing with a baby and she was just having a hard time adjusting but she'd never do anything to hurt him. i told her she should have spoken to me about her feelings instead of acting like a child, took my son and left. when i got home both my parents set in on me because my sister told them i'd accused her of bad intentions to the baby. aita for being honest when my sister offered to babysit?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a 19 year old man with a 3mo old son. his mother surrendered her rights and is no longer in the picture. i work 4am-12pm at a gas station and i raise my son, that's what i do these days. only one of my friends still speaks to me and hangs out with me. i live at home with my parents and sister (21) and pay a small rent each month. i can't afford to move out with the baby. my parents help me when they can. my sister doesn't like my son, she once told me she thinks he's an annoyance and hinderance. if he cries she complains. if there's baby clothes in the laundry she complains. basically the baby exists and that pisses her off. i'm not perfect but i'm trying my best to be a good dad. my sister has never offered to help with the baby beyond holding him briefly and she hasn't done that more than about four or five times since he was born. the other day my friend called and offered me a really great opportunity for some side-work. he works construction and they needed an extra guy for some installation work. four hours and i'd get $400.00. i jumped at it, any extra money can only help. i started trying to find a babysitter. my sister was hanging out in the living room while i walked around the house on the phone. i managed to find a sitter who said she didn't want to be paid and went to get the baby ready. my sister asked me why i didn't ask her when she was sitting right there. i told her i didn't think she'd want to since she'd never offered to help before. she told me it was different, this was for work and not just me wanting to sleep or whatever, and he was about to go down for his nap and he's pretty easy when first wakes up, she told me it wouldn't be a problem. i asked her why she didn't say something between phone calls and she said she didn't think she needed too because we're family and family asks each other for help. i reminded her of all the times she'd complained about the baby and me and called him names and told me she waited he'd never been born and asked her why she thought i'd ever trust her with my son. she started crying and told me that wasn't fair and i needed to remember that the whole house was dealing with a baby and she was just having a hard time adjusting but she'd never do anything to hurt him. i told her she should have spoken to me about her feelings instead of acting like a child, took my son and left. when i got home both my parents set in on me because my sister told them i'd accused her of bad intentions to the baby. aita for being honest when my sister offered to babysit? [/INST] nta. she only offered because she thinks she’ll be paid. your instincts are correct. with everything she’s said about your son she’d be the very last name on the list. remind your parents of the comments she’s made. you have no reason at all to trust her when it comes to your kid. </s>
AITA for telling my husband to lose the entitled attitude and do shit for himself?	just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. we both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. i am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. both jobs are very hands on and strenuous. since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. extremely entitled and dare i say rude as all fuck. he is always boasting and bragging. this has been going on for 3 weeks. so, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. if our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after "working so hard". if i make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say "wheres mine?" he asks me to grab him things damn near constant all hours of the night. he expects nightly back rubs but if i ask he will scoff at me and say "i worked all day" (even if i had as well). he expects meals that he likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not. he also now acts like he has full say over the money because he "makes more". last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. before this i let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and hell, hes excited! so, i get it. but last night around like 11pm (i was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says "babe you should go make me some ice cream. i want the chocolate drizzle on it. and oh, dont forget the cashews!" then he starts scrolling through his phone. i ignore it because i feel at this point i was going to snap. he then shook my leg and said "did you hear me?" so i responded with "yeah. i did hear you and no. go make it yourself. you were literally just out there. your sense of fucking entitlement is way out of line. do shit for yourself." he became offended and instantly, like fucking clock work, said "but i worked all fucking day!" so i snapped back with "yeah, i did too! in fact, i worked 12 hours to your 8. like i said, do shit for yourself." he is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that i was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything i said makes him feel unappreciated. aita? did i push it too far?	28,683	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j5jidt/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_lose_the_entitled/	2020-10-05 13:36:05	nta someone needs to knock your husband off his high horse. you two need to have a serious talk that at home you're equals and he's not the boss. hell, if he's treating employees like this, things won't go well at work either. husband and i work an equal amount of hours so we split the chores and take turns cooking. sounds like he needs to pitch in too.	nta, and if that's how your husband is acting at work his stint as an assistant manager will be a short lived one. for the sake of his career, he needs to learn the difference between being a boss and being a leader.	nta. girl, nip this in the bud now before it goes any further. i understand he got a promotion, but he needs to reel it in. tell him to grow up, stop acting like a child, you work just like him and make him stop throwing money in your face. also, just because his job is strenuous doesn’t give him the right to act like a dick. good luck!	nta wow...nta nip it in the bud unless you want your child learning that this is okay for her future. don't let yourself be silenced - you are 100% in the right. even if you hadn't worked all day - you're still not his maid, you're not his servant. and your daughter having to stay in her room because he wants silence? he can go to his room if he wants to be left alone not make the four year old be confined to a room. i would never let my child be treated like a second class citizen ever but especially not in her own home. she and you have just as much a right to exists him make noise, take breaks and say no just like him. you are both people as well and should be treated as such.	nta. though i will say you should've said something much sooner, before you were ready to snap on him. but yeah, get that under control now or it'll ruin the two of you.	nta. feed this man chicken nuggets. that's all he gets is chicken f****** nuggets until he starts acting the way he needs to start acting.	nta. he was acting like an ass and you gave him a reality check 🤷‍♀️	nta his behaviour needs to change. but you two need to learn how to communicate with each other. he saw this as a one time thing because you didn't tell him about all the other times his action towards you and your child bothered you. try to stay calm and have an actual conversation about how he hurt you and how tired you are after your workday and how there are things he should be doing around the house because you two are equal partners.	nta you brought your husband back to earth. he was put on notice and you need to continue to put him on notice for all those small requests or else it will continue to be a reoccurring theme of selfishness and entitlement.	someone seriously feels entitled because they are an assistant manager? you don’t get to be entitled as a junior executive, let alone assistant manager. i remember working with an assistant manager when i was in high school. she was cool. know why? she was in my same grade!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. we both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. i am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. both jobs are very hands on and strenuous. since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. extremely entitled and dare i say rude as all fuck. he is always boasting and bragging. this has been going on for 3 weeks. so, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. if our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after "working so hard". if i make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say "wheres mine?" he asks me to grab him things damn near constant all hours of the night. he expects nightly back rubs but if i ask he will scoff at me and say "i worked all day" (even if i had as well). he expects meals that he likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not. he also now acts like he has full say over the money because he "makes more". last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. before this i let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and hell, hes excited! so, i get it. but last night around like 11pm (i was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says "babe you should go make me some ice cream. i want the chocolate drizzle on it. and oh, dont forget the cashews!" then he starts scrolling through his phone. i ignore it because i feel at this point i was going to snap. he then shook my leg and said "did you hear me?" so i responded with "yeah. i did hear you and no. go make it yourself. you were literally just out there. your sense of fucking entitlement is way out of line. do shit for yourself." he became offended and instantly, like fucking clock work, said "but i worked all fucking day!" so i snapped back with "yeah, i did too! in fact, i worked 12 hours to your 8. like i said, do shit for yourself." he is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that i was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything i said makes him feel unappreciated. aita? did i push it too far?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. we both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. i am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. both jobs are very hands on and strenuous. since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. extremely entitled and dare i say rude as all fuck. he is always boasting and bragging. this has been going on for 3 weeks. so, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. if our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after "working so hard". if i make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say "wheres mine?" he asks me to grab him things damn near constant all hours of the night. he expects nightly back rubs but if i ask he will scoff at me and say "i worked all day" (even if i had as well). he expects meals that he likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not. he also now acts like he has full say over the money because he "makes more". last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. before this i let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and hell, hes excited! so, i get it. but last night around like 11pm (i was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says "babe you should go make me some ice cream. i want the chocolate drizzle on it. and oh, dont forget the cashews!" then he starts scrolling through his phone. i ignore it because i feel at this point i was going to snap. he then shook my leg and said "did you hear me?" so i responded with "yeah. i did hear you and no. go make it yourself. you were literally just out there. your sense of fucking entitlement is way out of line. do shit for yourself." he became offended and instantly, like fucking clock work, said "but i worked all fucking day!" so i snapped back with "yeah, i did too! in fact, i worked 12 hours to your 8. like i said, do shit for yourself." he is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that i was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything i said makes him feel unappreciated. aita? did i push it too far? [/INST] nta someone needs to knock your husband off his high horse. you two need to have a serious talk that at home you're equals and he's not the boss. hell, if he's treating employees like this, things won't go well at work either. husband and i work an equal amount of hours so we split the chores and take turns cooking. sounds like he needs to pitch in too. </s>
AITA For walking out on a double date my friend set up with him, his girlfriend and a girl I had already rejected before	i feel like i need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something i want a judgement on me walking out of there. cast: me (25m), joe(26m), jane(24f) to give you a little background to this situation, i met jane through joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. at first jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time i was already with someone. so the first impression i got from jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me. unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of joe's girlfriends friend group(that is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and joe hang out a lot and i am also friends with his girlfriend, i pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month. so first time jane asked me out was a month after that party, i informed her i was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when i broke up with my then girlfriend, again i declined her advances and told her i was not interested. i got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and i broke up about 2 months ago. since then as you might have anticipated, jane has asked me out again, i said no again. well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(he is well aware of me having rejected jane multiple times and the fact i am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) after a lot of what he calls convincing and i call whining(i had no interest in dating anytime soon) i relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his. we agree on meeting at joe's apartment and lo and behold joe, his girlfriend and jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be jane, i honestly just got so goddamn angry i that i couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left. i have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche i am and how terribly i hurt jane and so on and i am just like, i literally rejected her like three times, i am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive jane ffs so literally everyone knows it. so am i the asshole?	28,682	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hgr9s6/aita_for_walking_out_on_a_double_date_my_friend/	2020-06-27 10:33:44	nta but your friend obviously is. setting someone up with someone who rejected that person is cruel. not the fact that you turned around. i would honestly done the same.....	nta you've made your feelings more than clear to jane and your friend as well. you had every right to leave, as you had already rejected her 3 times and still she set herself up for rejection number 4. you're not responsible for her hurt feelings at this point. your friend should have known better than to blindside you with a "date" with someone he knows full well you have zero interest in. though if i might venture a guess, i'd say that the double date was 100% jane's and your friends' girlfriends' idea, and your friend most likely just got pressured into convincing you to come.	nta. everyone else is ta in the situation. if the roles were reversed and you were a woman and jane was a man i'm sure no one would be giving you a hard time right now..	nta you may want to speak to your friend about it	nta you definitely made the right call by leaving. jane is trying to force you into a relationship with her, and if you give her even the slightest implication that there may be a chance she will continue pestering you with unwanted attention. she needed this very clear message that you are not interested in even entertaining the idea of dating her. her feelings towards you do not entitle her to a shot with you if you aren't interested, and you already told her several times that you weren't. this is honestly really disgusting behavior on joe and his gf's part, and they should be apologizing to you.	nta. everyone else in this scenario sucks except you. why would your friend and his gf set jane up to be humiliated when they knew how you felt? honestly they were just nasty.	nta. definitely nta. jane can't take the hint that you're not interested in her and your friend and his girlfriend were trying to manipulate you into going out with her.	nta. jane needs to learn to take no for an answer and john is a terrible friend for doing this to you. not that it’s any excuse but perhaps he was forced/pressured/manipulated into this stupid plan by his girlfriend and didn’t have the nuts to stay no to her. again, still not excuse and all 3 of them are ta’s.	nta, i can understand jane trying once or twice, but a third rejection you think she would get the hint. the fact that your friends know how you feel about her, yet still did that? its a massive red flag. it shows a lack of respect for jane and an even bigger lack of respect for you. how dare your friends put you in that situation? thats disgusting and childish behavior	nta you rejected jane, everyone was aware, the double date idea is not only stupid but also... very, very much ultra stupid.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i feel like i need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something i want a judgement on me walking out of there. cast: me (25m), joe(26m), jane(24f) to give you a little background to this situation, i met jane through joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. at first jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time i was already with someone. so the first impression i got from jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me. unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of joe's girlfriends friend group(that is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and joe hang out a lot and i am also friends with his girlfriend, i pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month. so first time jane asked me out was a month after that party, i informed her i was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when i broke up with my then girlfriend, again i declined her advances and told her i was not interested. i got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and i broke up about 2 months ago. since then as you might have anticipated, jane has asked me out again, i said no again. well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(he is well aware of me having rejected jane multiple times and the fact i am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) after a lot of what he calls convincing and i call whining(i had no interest in dating anytime soon) i relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his. we agree on meeting at joe's apartment and lo and behold joe, his girlfriend and jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be jane, i honestly just got so goddamn angry i that i couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left. i have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche i am and how terribly i hurt jane and so on and i am just like, i literally rejected her like three times, i am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive jane ffs so literally everyone knows it. so am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i feel like i need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something i want a judgement on me walking out of there. cast: me (25m), joe(26m), jane(24f) to give you a little background to this situation, i met jane through joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. at first jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time i was already with someone. so the first impression i got from jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me. unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of joe's girlfriends friend group(that is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and joe hang out a lot and i am also friends with his girlfriend, i pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month. so first time jane asked me out was a month after that party, i informed her i was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when i broke up with my then girlfriend, again i declined her advances and told her i was not interested. i got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and i broke up about 2 months ago. since then as you might have anticipated, jane has asked me out again, i said no again. well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(he is well aware of me having rejected jane multiple times and the fact i am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) after a lot of what he calls convincing and i call whining(i had no interest in dating anytime soon) i relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his. we agree on meeting at joe's apartment and lo and behold joe, his girlfriend and jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be jane, i honestly just got so goddamn angry i that i couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left. i have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche i am and how terribly i hurt jane and so on and i am just like, i literally rejected her like three times, i am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive jane ffs so literally everyone knows it. so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta but your friend obviously is. setting someone up with someone who rejected that person is cruel. not the fact that you turned around. i would honestly done the same..... </s>
AITA for giving my wife an ultimatum about getting a dog?	i had a dog when my wife and i got married. i loved her, she was my buddy. when my wife got pregnant, she became increasingly paranoid that the dog would be a danger to the baby. she brought up rehoming, and i refused. she was an "aggressive breed", but she was trained. one day, she called me crying at work that the dog ran away and she couldn't run after her. i believed her. i looked for that dog for weeks. i finally just accepted it because we had to go to the hospital to welcome our child and there were just other pressing concerns. it's been 5 years since then, and we now have three children. i've wanted to get a new dog, but the kids take a lot of energy and time. my wife has always had a new excuse not to get another dog. i found out recently that my dog didn't run away, my wife and her father took the dog to the pound while i was at work because her parents agreed with her about the dog being "dangerous". i'm furious. she was my dog, my baby. she wasn't dangerous. i would never have agreed to that. she probably never got adopted. i'm honestly mad enough to consider a separation if not for the kids and practical reasons. i've told her that the only way to make it up even a little bit is for us to get a dog. she ultimately doesn't want a dog at all, and complained that she would have to do too much with it. i'm not planning to let up on this one this time.	28,634	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hreyxc/aita_for_giving_my_wife_an_ultimatum_about/	2020-07-15 02:05:19	nta get a dog after your divorce dude.	nta i can't believe she would go out of her way to make family plans to destroy your trust. i would never be with someone who disrespected me to that degree, wow. don't get a dog with this woman, she didn't care about getting rid of your dog before what's to stop her from just doing the same thing again?	nta honestly, it sounds like your marriage has serious issues and you should see a couple's counselor. your wife is okay with lying to you to get her way... that's bigger than just this dog issue	esh. as soon as i read that your dog "ran away," i knew your wife had gotten rid of it. the reasons she is an ah is abundantly clear, so i'm not going to get into that. why are you an ah, too? you don't bring in a pet into a home where it won't be accepted and loved by everyone. this will create and/or increase the wedge between you and your wife. she will hate the dog, and i can guarantee that the dog will have an "accident" at some point. you fail to realize this near-certainty. if you get a dog now, you're going to get it killed. i'm so sorry that you can't separate from your wife at this time, but she showed you who she is, so while circumstances now may now allow it, it won't stay that way forever. don't stay "for the kids." you can be a better father and a better person not sharing a bed with a woman who went behind your back and lied to your face about it.	nta but, i don’t think it’s wise to get a dog while in that relationship. how would your wife treat and care for the dog? would she find a way for this one to disappear too? not only did she send your dog to the pound, and lie about it for years, she also appears not to have any remorse for having done so. i would seriously consider a divorce. trade in your wife for a new dog.	nta dont get another dog yet. wait until after you divorce her. she is a sociopath.	nta. "the kids" are not a reason to stay married if the relationship is toxic, imo. that is something i personally could never forgive. if you are going to stick it out, please seek couple's counseling. you either need to find your way past it or end it; living with resentment won't be good for anyone involved.	esh, if the issue of having a dog was too big a bloody hill to die on for both of you, you should have resolved it before having a child. now that’s come and gone, one of you is going to have to compromise and with you issuing an ultimatum, who’s to say your next dog isn’t going to ‘run away’ as well? i don’t blame you for wanting another dog, what she did was a huge betrayal and one that if my husband did, i would never forgive. that being said, i cannot in good conscience be ok with forcing a dog on your wife when she so clearly dislikes them. she will most likely find another way to get rid of that one as well. i think couples counseling or a temporary separation till you both resolved this would be much better.	op you keep saying how its too hard to leave her, her parents own the house, you would never get the kids, etc. does she tell you these things? does she say things like "you would never make it without me. you'd have nowhere to live and good luck getting the kids" etc? i dont want to make assumptions but its a pretty terrible thing she did and you seem to be making some lame excuses as to why you can't leave. i'm concerned there is more underlying here... maybe research some signs of emotional abuse and see if any of them ring true for you. either way i hope things work out for you https://www.gosmartlife.com/emotional-abuse-test	nta. i honestly don't know if i could forgive her.	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	null	NTA	0.06929	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had a dog when my wife and i got married. i loved her, she was my buddy. when my wife got pregnant, she became increasingly paranoid that the dog would be a danger to the baby. she brought up rehoming, and i refused. she was an "aggressive breed", but she was trained. one day, she called me crying at work that the dog ran away and she couldn't run after her. i believed her. i looked for that dog for weeks. i finally just accepted it because we had to go to the hospital to welcome our child and there were just other pressing concerns. it's been 5 years since then, and we now have three children. i've wanted to get a new dog, but the kids take a lot of energy and time. my wife has always had a new excuse not to get another dog. i found out recently that my dog didn't run away, my wife and her father took the dog to the pound while i was at work because her parents agreed with her about the dog being "dangerous". i'm furious. she was my dog, my baby. she wasn't dangerous. i would never have agreed to that. she probably never got adopted. i'm honestly mad enough to consider a separation if not for the kids and practical reasons. i've told her that the only way to make it up even a little bit is for us to get a dog. she ultimately doesn't want a dog at all, and complained that she would have to do too much with it. i'm not planning to let up on this one this time.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i had a dog when my wife and i got married. i loved her, she was my buddy. when my wife got pregnant, she became increasingly paranoid that the dog would be a danger to the baby. she brought up rehoming, and i refused. she was an "aggressive breed", but she was trained. one day, she called me crying at work that the dog ran away and she couldn't run after her. i believed her. i looked for that dog for weeks. i finally just accepted it because we had to go to the hospital to welcome our child and there were just other pressing concerns. it's been 5 years since then, and we now have three children. i've wanted to get a new dog, but the kids take a lot of energy and time. my wife has always had a new excuse not to get another dog. i found out recently that my dog didn't run away, my wife and her father took the dog to the pound while i was at work because her parents agreed with her about the dog being "dangerous". i'm furious. she was my dog, my baby. she wasn't dangerous. i would never have agreed to that. she probably never got adopted. i'm honestly mad enough to consider a separation if not for the kids and practical reasons. i've told her that the only way to make it up even a little bit is for us to get a dog. she ultimately doesn't want a dog at all, and complained that she would have to do too much with it. i'm not planning to let up on this one this time. [/INST] nta get a dog after your divorce dude. </s>
AITA for interrupting my husband's "Live stream" and going off on him after he "forgot" to feed and change our daughter's diaper?	my f32 husband m35 i has a youtube channel with over 14k followers. he's been doing live streaming a lot lately even though i told him that we have responsibilities to take care of. before our daughter (she's 7 months old) was born he'd stream randomly and spend lot of time with his "followers". answering questions and engaging in conversations. he keeps saying that his followers are good for his mental health and that engaging with them weekly makes him become better at socializing and communicating. he's been complaining about wanting to do a live stream for days. i told him we'd look at our schedule and see if we could get him some time to make it happen. apparently, this wasn't good enough. yesterday i had to go grocery shopping and asked him to keep an eye on our daughter while she was asleep. he said okay. i was gone for 4hrs but kept calling him to see if everything was ok. he'd tell me she was alright and that she was sleeping. i started getting this weird feeling something was wrong because, she must've had been hungry or needed a diaper change. he argued that everything was fine. i immediately went home and when i entered the house i didn't find him, i shouted his name but got nothing. i went into the bedroom and saw that my daughter was awake and her diaper wasn't changed...and worse was that her bottle was even touched. i was confused i got out and noticed that his office's door was closed. i figured he was doing a live streaming from the noise i heard. i was beyond seething i barged into the office and saw him sitting. i blew up while he was trying to turn his mic off and telling me to stop but i didnt stop. i berated him for leaving our daughter unattended and with no milk nor diaper change. he freaked out on me saying i just ended his entire channel and destroyed his fan base for interrupting his live stream and embarrassing and scandalized him like that. i told him to not say a word but he kept yelling calling me out of control and unhinged. he was almost crying so i had to leave the office. he kept fighting with me til i decided to go stay with my mom. he started blaming me for ignoring his needs after he already expressed them and that he forgot to do what i asked him and i'd cost him so much. now us telling to come back home because he misses his daughter.	28,560	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1l464/aita_for_interrupting_my_husbands_live_stream_and/	2022-07-17 23:56:07	nta - dude was straight up neglecting his human child for some twitch viewers. if i ever caught my husband doing that, i'd be reevaluating the marriage; a child's well-being and safety should be his first priority, not worrying about his subscribers. (and before anyone tries it, he could have waited until op sat down with him and they mutually agreed upon a time when the baby'd be taken care of while he streamed for his mental health) (thanks for the award! also, no, it has not escaped my notice that this reply has more upvotes than op's husband has subscribers)	nta he has a social media addiction. what he did was unconscionable, and the fact that he had an absolute tantrum and explosive upset over you potentially embarrassing him in front of his followers or ruining his "channel" . . . and not the fact that he left his infant child sitting hungry and in a soiled diaper so that he could talk at a bunch of complete strangers is horrifying, and inexplicable by any other reasoning. and btw, his whole "mental health" argument doesn't make this better. any therapist worth their salt would raise a serious eyebrow at the fact that he claims that he desperately "needs" the adulation and interaction with thousands of strangers "for his mental health". that isn't mental health, it's addiction. and i say that as a housebound disabled person whose social life revolves entirely around online things . . . but there is a vast difference between connecting with friends and having meaningful relationships with individuals online, and claiming that you need to interact with thousands of strangers - with an audience - to the point that you start to get jittery and panicked if you don't, and will neglect your family, your infant child, just to get your "fix". every single thing you describe shouts "addiction". don't go home until he agrees to get professional help. his craving for an audience, the fact that he can't live without it, and that he will do things detrimental to his family and to your child if it means getting in front of an audience. . . that's not mental health, it's addiction, and his is out of control. do not go home until he acknowledges that he has lost control of this, and he needs help, and shows you that he is taking steps to get it. you are nta, but this isn't a small thing. an addict cannot be trusted because they'll say or do anything to get what they need. you've seen that now with your child.	nta. he neglected your child for hours. there is no way in hell that he should be left alone with any child since he wants to be a child himself. your husband is an irresponsible asshole. there is a time for fun and games, but not while he is supposed to be a father for once is not that time. it’s called being a parent and growing up.	nta i'd like to find some glint of justification for what he did, but i can't; it doesn't matter how long he went without connecting with his followers and how much it was upsetting him. the fact is, he left his infant daughter without changing, without food and didn't even keep her in the same damn room as him. he literally just left her alone for 4 hours. that's just fucking negligence. he could have actually had her with him and looked after her while streaming, that is so possible for him. he needs to remember he is a fucking parent.	nta get a fucking divorce	nta 14k doesn’t even make a livable income. he sounds delusion from your perspective	nta. he left your infant completely unattended for hours with a soiled diaper and did not feed her. that is abuse. babies do not ask to come here, we bring them here and we have an obligation to care for them. what if a neighbor heard her crying and rang the bell with no answer and called the police out of concern? they would have entered and then cps would have been called and then they could have taken your child. what he did is beyond irresponsible. it is cruel to neglect children and we are talking about an infant who cannot even open the fridge to get a juice box. you husband showed you exactly what ho he is. he has shown you that he cares more about his youtube than he does about his baby. please, please believe him. i would never trust him with my child again. you and your daughter can do better. i wish you the best.	why are you with this man? what does he contribute? also, he doesn't miss his daughter. he forgot she existed and neglected her. this is divorce level, protect your child at all costs!!! this will happen again if you let it. nta	nta, and from his reaction (talking about "ending his entire channel") he definitely knows what he did was serious. honestly i hope you did end it, i hope his follower count never recovers. your daughter deserves better.	info: how were you gone grocery shopping for 4 hours but was able to rush home when you thought something was wrong? how did he not hear the baby crying?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my f32 husband m35 i has a youtube channel with over 14k followers. he's been doing live streaming a lot lately even though i told him that we have responsibilities to take care of. before our daughter (she's 7 months old) was born he'd stream randomly and spend lot of time with his "followers". answering questions and engaging in conversations. he keeps saying that his followers are good for his mental health and that engaging with them weekly makes him become better at socializing and communicating. he's been complaining about wanting to do a live stream for days. i told him we'd look at our schedule and see if we could get him some time to make it happen. apparently, this wasn't good enough. yesterday i had to go grocery shopping and asked him to keep an eye on our daughter while she was asleep. he said okay. i was gone for 4hrs but kept calling him to see if everything was ok. he'd tell me she was alright and that she was sleeping. i started getting this weird feeling something was wrong because, she must've had been hungry or needed a diaper change. he argued that everything was fine. i immediately went home and when i entered the house i didn't find him, i shouted his name but got nothing. i went into the bedroom and saw that my daughter was awake and her diaper wasn't changed...and worse was that her bottle was even touched. i was confused i got out and noticed that his office's door was closed. i figured he was doing a live streaming from the noise i heard. i was beyond seething i barged into the office and saw him sitting. i blew up while he was trying to turn his mic off and telling me to stop but i didnt stop. i berated him for leaving our daughter unattended and with no milk nor diaper change. he freaked out on me saying i just ended his entire channel and destroyed his fan base for interrupting his live stream and embarrassing and scandalized him like that. i told him to not say a word but he kept yelling calling me out of control and unhinged. he was almost crying so i had to leave the office. he kept fighting with me til i decided to go stay with my mom. he started blaming me for ignoring his needs after he already expressed them and that he forgot to do what i asked him and i'd cost him so much. now us telling to come back home because he misses his daughter.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my f32 husband m35 i has a youtube channel with over 14k followers. he's been doing live streaming a lot lately even though i told him that we have responsibilities to take care of. before our daughter (she's 7 months old) was born he'd stream randomly and spend lot of time with his "followers". answering questions and engaging in conversations. he keeps saying that his followers are good for his mental health and that engaging with them weekly makes him become better at socializing and communicating. he's been complaining about wanting to do a live stream for days. i told him we'd look at our schedule and see if we could get him some time to make it happen. apparently, this wasn't good enough. yesterday i had to go grocery shopping and asked him to keep an eye on our daughter while she was asleep. he said okay. i was gone for 4hrs but kept calling him to see if everything was ok. he'd tell me she was alright and that she was sleeping. i started getting this weird feeling something was wrong because, she must've had been hungry or needed a diaper change. he argued that everything was fine. i immediately went home and when i entered the house i didn't find him, i shouted his name but got nothing. i went into the bedroom and saw that my daughter was awake and her diaper wasn't changed...and worse was that her bottle was even touched. i was confused i got out and noticed that his office's door was closed. i figured he was doing a live streaming from the noise i heard. i was beyond seething i barged into the office and saw him sitting. i blew up while he was trying to turn his mic off and telling me to stop but i didnt stop. i berated him for leaving our daughter unattended and with no milk nor diaper change. he freaked out on me saying i just ended his entire channel and destroyed his fan base for interrupting his live stream and embarrassing and scandalized him like that. i told him to not say a word but he kept yelling calling me out of control and unhinged. he was almost crying so i had to leave the office. he kept fighting with me til i decided to go stay with my mom. he started blaming me for ignoring his needs after he already expressed them and that he forgot to do what i asked him and i'd cost him so much. now us telling to come back home because he misses his daughter. [/INST] nta - dude was straight up neglecting his human child for some twitch viewers. if i ever caught my husband doing that, i'd be reevaluating the marriage; a child's well-being and safety should be his first priority, not worrying about his subscribers. (and before anyone tries it, he could have waited until op sat down with him and they mutually agreed upon a time when the baby'd be taken care of while he streamed for his mental health) (thanks for the award! also, no, it has not escaped my notice that this reply has more upvotes than op's husband has subscribers) </s>
AITA for going home after I overheard my husband say he didn't want to bring me with him to his family vacation?	my husband goes on annual vacations with his family. i'm on okay terms with them but since we've only been married for a short time and i don't see his family much, we still have that barrier that keeps is from being completely comfortable around each other. his family arranged for the vacation last week. i out of curiosity asked if i could come. my husband felt hasitant but i told him it'd be a great opportunities to get to know his family better. he agreed to take me and his family were surprised to see me but still welcomed me. on the 3rd day of the vacation. his dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking while i was preparing a fruit salad. as i was making my way back i overheard my mil say "...did she really had nowhere else to spend the weekend?". at first i had no idea who she was talking about so i kept on walking, but stopped once i overheard my husband say "l know!!!! and i didn't want to bring her with me but what was i supposed to do?!!! you know how pushy she can get". i instantly figured it was about me. i felt so shaken up to the point where i almost dropped the salad. this whole time i was there i cleaned, cooked, looked after the kids and this is how they think of me? an inconvenience to them?. i quietly booked a ticket and went home on the first plane. he called and texted but i didn't respond anything other than let him know i was home. he got back and went off on me saying what i did was disrespectful and juvenile. i told him i overheard the conversation he had with his mom but he said that i was wrong for eavesdropping and that his family will warm up to me on their terms so i should stop pushing to be around that when they don't feel comfortable with it. basically saying it was my fault for coming along in the first place. he said that going home like made him and his family disappointed and gave them a really bad impression about me. i think that i might have messed this up and someehat ruined it for them as well.	28,540	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/whq7cz/aita_for_going_home_after_i_overheard_my_husband/	2022-08-06 14:55:05	nta does he even like you?	nta. please don't let him gaslight you.	nta. it's not like you've been dating for 2 weeks, you're married! and as i understand the husband's brothers brought their spouses. how else are you going to get to know the family. and to be honest the fact that your husband didn't defend you and was also talking with them behind your back is kind of a red flag.	nta. other spouses are welcome but not you? what on earth is going on here??	nta. why are you in a relationship with someone who treats you so poorly?	so he wants you to stop pushing to be around your family, but when you stop pushing and go home, he still gets angry? and he’s not worried at all about your feelings or your hurt. he’s worried about “impressions.” do not have children with this man, op. he will constantly lie to you, demean you, and belittle you behind your back. you now know that no matter how much or what you do for your husband, he will treat you as an inconvenience. nta.	nta. this is toxic. he trash talked you to his family who were being nasty about you, tried to gaslight you and insists you continue putting up with his their treatment and let them have their own way. he's your husband and his family are still treating you like this. you deserve better than these people. you deserve better than him. how much more of this could you possible take?	> his dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking nta - other wives were there, but your mil singles you out as not belonging at their family vacation? this is heartbreaking and the fact that your husband didn't apologize for hurting you so badly is not a good sign for your future.	nta. this man is supposed to be your husband and he openly told his family that he wished you weren't there. girl! why are you with him? why are you putting up with someone who clearly doesn't value you as his wife or even a person? he could've been supportive of your efforts but he chose to side with his family and just alienate you despite your help and attempts at getting along with family. honestly, from this little amount of information, he sounds like an unsupportive and gaslighting ah.	so his siblings can bring their spouses, but not you? what’s that all about? you’ve got a bad marriage. i don’t see it lasting. nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband goes on annual vacations with his family. i'm on okay terms with them but since we've only been married for a short time and i don't see his family much, we still have that barrier that keeps is from being completely comfortable around each other. his family arranged for the vacation last week. i out of curiosity asked if i could come. my husband felt hasitant but i told him it'd be a great opportunities to get to know his family better. he agreed to take me and his family were surprised to see me but still welcomed me. on the 3rd day of the vacation. his dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking while i was preparing a fruit salad. as i was making my way back i overheard my mil say "...did she really had nowhere else to spend the weekend?". at first i had no idea who she was talking about so i kept on walking, but stopped once i overheard my husband say "l know!!!! and i didn't want to bring her with me but what was i supposed to do?!!! you know how pushy she can get". i instantly figured it was about me. i felt so shaken up to the point where i almost dropped the salad. this whole time i was there i cleaned, cooked, looked after the kids and this is how they think of me? an inconvenience to them?. i quietly booked a ticket and went home on the first plane. he called and texted but i didn't respond anything other than let him know i was home. he got back and went off on me saying what i did was disrespectful and juvenile. i told him i overheard the conversation he had with his mom but he said that i was wrong for eavesdropping and that his family will warm up to me on their terms so i should stop pushing to be around that when they don't feel comfortable with it. basically saying it was my fault for coming along in the first place. he said that going home like made him and his family disappointed and gave them a really bad impression about me. i think that i might have messed this up and someehat ruined it for them as well.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband goes on annual vacations with his family. i'm on okay terms with them but since we've only been married for a short time and i don't see his family much, we still have that barrier that keeps is from being completely comfortable around each other. his family arranged for the vacation last week. i out of curiosity asked if i could come. my husband felt hasitant but i told him it'd be a great opportunities to get to know his family better. he agreed to take me and his family were surprised to see me but still welcomed me. on the 3rd day of the vacation. his dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking while i was preparing a fruit salad. as i was making my way back i overheard my mil say "...did she really had nowhere else to spend the weekend?". at first i had no idea who she was talking about so i kept on walking, but stopped once i overheard my husband say "l know!!!! and i didn't want to bring her with me but what was i supposed to do?!!! you know how pushy she can get". i instantly figured it was about me. i felt so shaken up to the point where i almost dropped the salad. this whole time i was there i cleaned, cooked, looked after the kids and this is how they think of me? an inconvenience to them?. i quietly booked a ticket and went home on the first plane. he called and texted but i didn't respond anything other than let him know i was home. he got back and went off on me saying what i did was disrespectful and juvenile. i told him i overheard the conversation he had with his mom but he said that i was wrong for eavesdropping and that his family will warm up to me on their terms so i should stop pushing to be around that when they don't feel comfortable with it. basically saying it was my fault for coming along in the first place. he said that going home like made him and his family disappointed and gave them a really bad impression about me. i think that i might have messed this up and someehat ruined it for them as well. [/INST] nta does he even like you? </s>
AITA for telling a woman who lives in my complex that yes having her husband check me out turns me on?	okay, hear me out. i live in a complex that is built in a circle so its like a track. a lot of people use it to run, walk, etc. i've always used it to run/walk as well. i live in florida so i usually wear leggings and a sports bra or a tank top. i literally only wear it because it's insanely hot here. this woman always gave me dirty looks when i'd walk by her apartment (she'd be sitting on her porch.) there are a few maintenance guys (not sure if that is the correct title for them - but that is what everyone calls them) that walk and ride around on golf carts throughout the day. i soon realized that the dirty look woman is married to one of the maintenance workers. i am always polite to them, but have never talked to them by any means. so, yesterday i was working out on the tennis court which is near their apartment. her and her husband were sitting on the porch. she is giving me the dirtiest looks and is making me pretty uncomfortable but i try to ignore it. before i leave she says, "do you like get off on having the maintenance men check you out all day?" to which i replied, "actually yes it makes me super wet. they are what keeps my sex drive high." she looked shocked and her husband started laughing and then she smacked him on the arm. i came back and told my mom this story and she said i should be more sensitive and obviously the woman is insecure. now i kinda feel bad. aita?	28,405	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fvx43x/aita_for_telling_a_woman_who_lives_in_my_complex/	2020-04-06 11:28:35	nta. she kind of had that coming. i hate women who think that workout outfits are asking to be ogled.	nta, that's hilarious. yes, she is insecure, and that's sad. but she tried to made that insecurity your problem, so you have every right to hand it back to her and make her deal with it herself. sometimes i think that women like that really want to control their partners, but they can't so instead try to control all the women around their partners. they are both controlling and deluded.	nta. what did she expect? her goal was to make you feel like crap. you don't have to accept that. good for you. mayne she'll think twice in the future.	nta that's hysterical. at least her husband thought so! no, it wasn't the most demure response, but the woman thought she could shame you, but instead you embarrassed her! she'll think twice before talking crap like that again to a perfect stranger.	oh man i was all set to say you were ta based on the title, but given the rest of the context, you are not only nta, you are my hero. i worked as a lifeguard through high school and college. at my last pool, a member apparently complained to management, asking that i should be required to wear something less revealing (it was a lifeguard suit, the same one my two female coworkers wore, but she only complained about me). when management pressed about why it was an issue, she apparently shouted “i have body issues!” and scurried away. the owner, manager, and assistant manager all discussed it and decided to never tell me because “her body issues were not [my] problem.” (eventually i did find out about it, obviously.) since then, that’s been my go-to for any woman shaming another for looking healthy in their general vicinity: a person’s body issues belong to that person alone and are no one else’s responsibility. and props on the hilarious reply, i probably would have just sputtered and felt bad about myself and then cried later and not left the house without a hoodie for many weeks - even if i knew she was wrong (i can see why my bosses decided not to tell me about the body shamer).	[removed]	nta, she confronted you, even if she is insecure she was looking for a fight	esh to varying to degrees. you only suck a tiny bit for not being a tad more sensitive. the woman is misdirecting her anger and her husband is kind of a dick for making it so blatant that she feels threatened.	[deleted]	nta. she set out to make you feel negatively. you gave that negativity right back and she didn't like it. moral is, don't dish it out if you can't take it.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	ESH	null	NTA	0.01744	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, hear me out. i live in a complex that is built in a circle so its like a track. a lot of people use it to run, walk, etc. i've always used it to run/walk as well. i live in florida so i usually wear leggings and a sports bra or a tank top. i literally only wear it because it's insanely hot here. this woman always gave me dirty looks when i'd walk by her apartment (she'd be sitting on her porch.) there are a few maintenance guys (not sure if that is the correct title for them - but that is what everyone calls them) that walk and ride around on golf carts throughout the day. i soon realized that the dirty look woman is married to one of the maintenance workers. i am always polite to them, but have never talked to them by any means. so, yesterday i was working out on the tennis court which is near their apartment. her and her husband were sitting on the porch. she is giving me the dirtiest looks and is making me pretty uncomfortable but i try to ignore it. before i leave she says, "do you like get off on having the maintenance men check you out all day?" to which i replied, "actually yes it makes me super wet. they are what keeps my sex drive high." she looked shocked and her husband started laughing and then she smacked him on the arm. i came back and told my mom this story and she said i should be more sensitive and obviously the woman is insecure. now i kinda feel bad. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> okay, hear me out. i live in a complex that is built in a circle so its like a track. a lot of people use it to run, walk, etc. i've always used it to run/walk as well. i live in florida so i usually wear leggings and a sports bra or a tank top. i literally only wear it because it's insanely hot here. this woman always gave me dirty looks when i'd walk by her apartment (she'd be sitting on her porch.) there are a few maintenance guys (not sure if that is the correct title for them - but that is what everyone calls them) that walk and ride around on golf carts throughout the day. i soon realized that the dirty look woman is married to one of the maintenance workers. i am always polite to them, but have never talked to them by any means. so, yesterday i was working out on the tennis court which is near their apartment. her and her husband were sitting on the porch. she is giving me the dirtiest looks and is making me pretty uncomfortable but i try to ignore it. before i leave she says, "do you like get off on having the maintenance men check you out all day?" to which i replied, "actually yes it makes me super wet. they are what keeps my sex drive high." she looked shocked and her husband started laughing and then she smacked him on the arm. i came back and told my mom this story and she said i should be more sensitive and obviously the woman is insecure. now i kinda feel bad. aita? [/INST] nta. she kind of had that coming. i hate women who think that workout outfits are asking to be ogled. </s>
AITA for telling my SIL she can leave Christmas dinner when she freaked out over tampons?	okay, she’s not my sil yet but i used it to make the title simpler. she’s my boyfriend’s borther’s girlfriend. i (f28) have been with my boyfriend (m32, ian) for 3 years. we’ve decided to host a small, early christmas dinner. one of the people invited was his brother, jake (m26). jake asked if he could bring his girlfriend as she was all alone (they’ve been together for 3 months) and we agreed, the more the merrier. his girlfriend, naveah (f28) seemed a bit timid but lovely. naveah brought her 8 year old son (that we didn’t know was coming). she seemed lovely right until she went to the bathroom, she came out shrieking,box of my tampon she in her hand, literally gasping for air in between her shrieks. i could barely understand her. turns out, my box of tampons was visible (duuuh, it’s within a reach because hey, i need it monthly, why should i hide it and then look for it). she was going off about being disgusting, how could i be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on. i looked at her in disbelief, i couldn’t believe she made a scene about a box of tampons, has she never been in a shop? anyway, i told her that my tampons stay where they are but if she’s so pressed, she can leave and go home where no tampons are present. she turned red, quite literally, her face was bright pink. huffing and puffing, she dressed her kid and told jake to drive her home which he did. jake didn’t come back but he called from her house telling ian that i was the asshole. i was surprised to hear that ian (my boyfriend) agreed with him. i thought he would be on my side. we were about to argue but i decided it wasn’t worth it and went to my office to cool down and think this through. am i the asshole for telling her to leave?	28,373	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zv5h8o/aita_for_telling_my_sil_she_can_leave_christmas/	2022-12-25 20:04:59	nta - *nobody would have fuckin noticed if she didn’t drag the damn things out and yell about it like a buffoon* keep the box when you’re done. leave it out if she comes over again.	nta—this stranger came to your house and insulted you. she’s hardly a member of the family after 3 months of dating your boyfriend’s brother. if she was genuinely concerned about her child seeing the tampons, then she wouldn’t have walked out waving them in the air and screaming.	nta it’s a box of unused tampons, she was being a drama llama.	girl , you need a better boyfriend. they are the ah . and the gf entitled attitude brings an unannounced child. no , you were brilliant. tell boyfriend he can stay at his brothers until he apologize and stick up for you	who the fuck loses their shit over a box of unused tampons. and to say that children and men shouldn’t see them? kids and most men literally don’t care about that kind of stuff, especially kids. she is so weird. your bf and his brother are the ah’s for thinking you’re one. she was a guest and also made a very bad first impression. she was extremely rude. you = nta	nta sil sounds unhinged. her reaction was crazy and excessive. it's not like you smeared a used tampon on her's child face. besides, it's the second time i read about someone being invited and bringing unannounced children. very rude, you always ask the host.	nta. good grief. she's traumatizing herself. i'm surprised she survives, being female. your boyfriend owes you an apology. if he can't handle seeing a box of tampons (or having your back on this), he's not ready to be in a relationship.	nta was there a reason she went to defcon one, acting like she found a smoking crack pipe? she stopped your party in its tracks, shrieking and carrying on. is it possible she was looking to sabotage it, or wanted an excuse to leave? does she not like you and is trying to break you and your bf up? she is either emotionally unhinged, or she has some ulterior motive. but absolutely you are nta	nta, she shows up at your house with an uninvited kid and disrespects you like that???? what an ah, your bf and his brother too.	nta. that is your home, your bathroom. she sounds like she's got some internalized misogyny going on to think that a natural thing is so disgusting that you need to hide all traces that you menstruate.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, she’s not my sil yet but i used it to make the title simpler. she’s my boyfriend’s borther’s girlfriend. i (f28) have been with my boyfriend (m32, ian) for 3 years. we’ve decided to host a small, early christmas dinner. one of the people invited was his brother, jake (m26). jake asked if he could bring his girlfriend as she was all alone (they’ve been together for 3 months) and we agreed, the more the merrier. his girlfriend, naveah (f28) seemed a bit timid but lovely. naveah brought her 8 year old son (that we didn’t know was coming). she seemed lovely right until she went to the bathroom, she came out shrieking,box of my tampon she in her hand, literally gasping for air in between her shrieks. i could barely understand her. turns out, my box of tampons was visible (duuuh, it’s within a reach because hey, i need it monthly, why should i hide it and then look for it). she was going off about being disgusting, how could i be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on. i looked at her in disbelief, i couldn’t believe she made a scene about a box of tampons, has she never been in a shop? anyway, i told her that my tampons stay where they are but if she’s so pressed, she can leave and go home where no tampons are present. she turned red, quite literally, her face was bright pink. huffing and puffing, she dressed her kid and told jake to drive her home which he did. jake didn’t come back but he called from her house telling ian that i was the asshole. i was surprised to hear that ian (my boyfriend) agreed with him. i thought he would be on my side. we were about to argue but i decided it wasn’t worth it and went to my office to cool down and think this through. am i the asshole for telling her to leave?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> okay, she’s not my sil yet but i used it to make the title simpler. she’s my boyfriend’s borther’s girlfriend. i (f28) have been with my boyfriend (m32, ian) for 3 years. we’ve decided to host a small, early christmas dinner. one of the people invited was his brother, jake (m26). jake asked if he could bring his girlfriend as she was all alone (they’ve been together for 3 months) and we agreed, the more the merrier. his girlfriend, naveah (f28) seemed a bit timid but lovely. naveah brought her 8 year old son (that we didn’t know was coming). she seemed lovely right until she went to the bathroom, she came out shrieking,box of my tampon she in her hand, literally gasping for air in between her shrieks. i could barely understand her. turns out, my box of tampons was visible (duuuh, it’s within a reach because hey, i need it monthly, why should i hide it and then look for it). she was going off about being disgusting, how could i be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on. i looked at her in disbelief, i couldn’t believe she made a scene about a box of tampons, has she never been in a shop? anyway, i told her that my tampons stay where they are but if she’s so pressed, she can leave and go home where no tampons are present. she turned red, quite literally, her face was bright pink. huffing and puffing, she dressed her kid and told jake to drive her home which he did. jake didn’t come back but he called from her house telling ian that i was the asshole. i was surprised to hear that ian (my boyfriend) agreed with him. i thought he would be on my side. we were about to argue but i decided it wasn’t worth it and went to my office to cool down and think this through. am i the asshole for telling her to leave? [/INST] nta - nobody would have fuckin noticed if she didn’t drag the damn things out and yell about it like a buffoon** keep the box when you’re done. leave it out if she comes over again. </s>
AITA for telling my son that I would not stop inviting his ex to family functions?		28,297	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uhnsjd/aita_for_telling_my_son_that_i_would_not_stop/	2022-05-03 19:26:52	nta his fiance should be uncomfortable. she deserves it.	nta he's divorcing her. you aren't. he and his fiancée can act like adults for a few hours during family functions, and be polite. the ex can do likewise. since the ex has near-full custody of the kids, cutting her out would mean cutting off your grandkids. they've been through enough thanks to your son's irresponsibility. they don't need to lose their grandparents as well. and if your son, and his fiancée, were decent people, they'd be glad to go to family functions where his ex brought the kids, because it would give him extra time to see his kids.	nta, tell your son he can leave his midlife crisis at home, i can’t imagine it’s comfortable for your grandchildren’s mother either and unlike the affair partner she didn’t make the choice to be in this situation. people are supposed to feel uncomfortable for doing shitty things. edit omg y’all are cute thanks, wasn’t expecting awards for common sense statements edit 2 ok pls stop giving this awards, don’t they cost real money?	nta, my dad also had an affair with a much younger woman and expected his parents to completely cut my mum out of their lives after 20 years. they’ve been divorced 10+ years now and my mum takes care of his parents because he moved abroad. they have dinner together every second sunday, she does their shopping for them, during covid she did basically everything for them and i know how thankful they are to have her in their lives. we live an hour away from them and she makes that drive any time they need something. your family is who you want it to be, and if you want her around even if it’s just for the grandkids she’ll appreciate not being tossed aside by you too.	nta. i think it’s extremely admirable that you’re still including her and not writing her off completely as many in-laws do after separations/divorces. she is very lucky to have you in her life. your son is acting very selfishly and not considering what’s in the best interest of his children. he’s prioritizing a woman over his own children and he needs a wake up call. you are doing the right thing. this is honestly refreshing because this sub is usually filled with nightmare stories of evil in-laws.	your son is an asshole. he doesn’t want his ex there because he wants to erase the shitty thing he did to a good woman, having her there will always put a spotlight on it. he should have thought of that before cheating. your son is an immature child that doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions and expects the world to coddle him. you dil is way better without him, and you would be too. at least she brings your grandkids around, what’s he bringing to the table?	nta. your son has made this situation and needs to deal with it. if his new partner didn’t want to be in an uncomfortable situation, she shouldn’t have got engaged to a man who cheated on and then left his wife for her.	nta. i’m a child of a divorced family where my father had the affair. i wish you were my grandparent. my grandparents were never rude to my mom, but it was different enough to the point you’d think she was the one who had the affair. you’re good for still including her. it would put a strain on the relationship with your grandchildren if you start to treat the parent that was the victim of the affair differently.	nta. you are allowed to see your grandkids and their mother at the functions that you host. the 23-y-o fiancée is the one who is reportedly uncomfortable; so the issue and the fix are with her. she can either chill and get more comfortable (much better for everyone in the long run if they are at least civil with each-other) or not attend your family events. your son has to stop acting like a fool.	of course you’re still mad at him! hell, i’m mad at him and i don’t even know him. your son and his side piece don’t get to decide who you invite to gatherings at your home or elsewhere, op. he’s ta, but you knew that already.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> [/INST] nta his fiance should be uncomfortable. she deserves it. </s>
AITA for telling my wife that the only reason she says 'money doesn't matter' is because we're rich?	i (48m) and my wife (47f) both have very well paying jobs. i am a pediatric doctor and she's an attorney, which have allowed us and our kids (20f), (17m) and (15m) to have a more than comfortable lifestyle. my wife has a tendency to say things like 'money doesn't matter' and that 'material things don't matter' and she says them all the time, which kinda irks me because she's right, but i was raised in a poor family, and i know that she wouldn't be saying the same thing if we were middle-class. but i haven't said anything up until this morning. i had made a comment about needing a better watch, and my wife was saying her usual 'money doesn't matter'. i told her that she was only saying that because we are rich and because she has never experienced being without money in any sense. predictably, she got upset with me, and now i'm wondering if perhaps i overreacted and went too far.	28,190	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ktuqop/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_the_only_reason_she/	2021-01-09 17:09:21	nta. people who have always had money seem to be delusional about it. money absolutely does matter when you’re poor.	nta but your wife is only an asshole very gently. it‘s difficult to understand and accept your privilege when you‘ve grown up with it. i once said something akin to „money doesn‘t matter“ or „money doesnt buy happiness“ to a friend and got a proper lecture by a friend. it went summat like this: you only say money doesn‘t matter because you have it, it buys you a good university, nice holidays and good care altogether. these are things that make you happy/happier that you buy with the money that you say doesnt matter.	nta - alex, can i get " things only rich people say" for $500? &#x200b; money matters a lot to most people, especially now, unfortunately.	nah. she’s probably never had to think about it like that before, and pointing it out made her uncomfortable. since it was bothering you, you’re def not an ah for pointing it out, and i honestly don’t think she’s an ah for being upset - as long as she uses this as a chance to learn. if she continues to hold a grudge or something then my answer would change.	nta-i will say money isn't everything, but it sure fucking helps.	nah ~~info:~~ can you be clearer about what sort of context she's saying this in? because it could be either really offensive or really not. for example, when you "made a comment about needing a better watch," was she suggesting that you shouldn't be reluctant to spend the money on a better watch? that you should be satisfied with the watch you have? that she'd be happy to buy you one?	yta. your wife said money doesn't matter when you mentioned you needed a new watch, which normally would mean: get the watch you need because money isn't an issue. so you blindsided her about your lack of privilege during your childhood and how you don't like her comments about money? you've been with her for long enough to have teenage/adult children and you choose this random moment about a $40 watch to do this? info. does she disregard others lack of privilege? does she flaunt her privilege? what does she actually mean when she says "money doesn't matter"? money matters, especially when you don't have it, but the way you chose to go about this doesn't make sense and seems immature for your education and age.	nah. i can't call your wife an ah for being oblivious to her privilege and you aren't one for calling out her obliviousness. you guys need to sit down and have a talk about her comments bothering you and what you guys can do going forward. you guys just need to communicate better.	nta - i grew up below the poverty line, like you, was very lucky to move into a very well paying career. money matters. anyone who doesn't think it matters has never had to decide between buying milk and buying bread (and you buy the bread because, let's be honest, milk is a luxury item at that point).	ehhh i'm gonna go nah. you're talking about a new watch, your wife, in turn, says "money doesn't matter", what i get from that is, she's telling you to get a watch that is good and not worry about price. but it seems if y'all needed to be conservative about money this would be totally different. you were kind of an ah because you bit her head of abt it, and if it bothers you so much why don't you sit down with her and have an adult conversation.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NAH	YTA	NAH	NTA	NAH	0.093295	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (48m) and my wife (47f) both have very well paying jobs. i am a pediatric doctor and she's an attorney, which have allowed us and our kids (20f), (17m) and (15m) to have a more than comfortable lifestyle. my wife has a tendency to say things like 'money doesn't matter' and that 'material things don't matter' and she says them all the time, which kinda irks me because she's right, but i was raised in a poor family, and i know that she wouldn't be saying the same thing if we were middle-class. but i haven't said anything up until this morning. i had made a comment about needing a better watch, and my wife was saying her usual 'money doesn't matter'. i told her that she was only saying that because we are rich and because she has never experienced being without money in any sense. predictably, she got upset with me, and now i'm wondering if perhaps i overreacted and went too far.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (48m) and my wife (47f) both have very well paying jobs. i am a pediatric doctor and she's an attorney, which have allowed us and our kids (20f), (17m) and (15m) to have a more than comfortable lifestyle. my wife has a tendency to say things like 'money doesn't matter' and that 'material things don't matter' and she says them all the time, which kinda irks me because she's right, but i was raised in a poor family, and i know that she wouldn't be saying the same thing if we were middle-class. but i haven't said anything up until this morning. i had made a comment about needing a better watch, and my wife was saying her usual 'money doesn't matter'. i told her that she was only saying that because we are rich and because she has never experienced being without money in any sense. predictably, she got upset with me, and now i'm wondering if perhaps i overreacted and went too far. [/INST] nta. people who have always had money seem to be delusional about it. money absolutely does matter when you’re poor. </s>
AITA for forcing my tomboy daughter to wear formal clothing?	hi all. my family is indian-american, but i like to think i am pretty progressive. i (40f) have a son (16m) and a daughter (15f). my daughter has started to become a tomboy over the last 2 years, despises feminine clothing and style. while it has definitely been an adjustment in my perception, i have always tried to be as supportive as possible, and have let her pick her own clothings, only eliminating anything that was graphic or inappropriate. however, my niece was getting married in a traditional, big indian wedding. while generally all the girls would be wearing formal lehangas (indian traditional dresses), i dropped it after asking my daughter if she wanted to wear that and she said no (only mentioned it once because she really looks up to my niece and i did not want her to feel left out). when i asked her what she wanted to wear, she said that should wear a t-shirt and slacks. but, i insisted that she wear a formal clothing of her choice, whether it was a suit, a dress or traditional indian clothing. this was black tie event. i was making my son wear a formal suit. everyone was going to be dressed to the nines. i was going to get my son a new suit tailored for the event, and i insisted that she come with and pick a fabric and suit style as well. it could be to her desire (as long as it was appropriate); like a very typical men's suit or feminine twist like what zendaya wears. she got angry and said i was constricting her expression. i think she will have to wear formal clothing in other points in her life, whether for work or other formal events. she can express herself however she wants but dressing appropriately for the occasion is a necessary skill. the wedding has been postponed for now, but i still want her to wear a formal outfit and she is still mad at me about this. aita?	28,050	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/il24rf/aita_for_forcing_my_tomboy_daughter_to_wear/	2020-09-02 07:09:31	nta. you even gave her the choice of what type of formal wear to wear. it's extremely disrespectful to show up to a wedding in a tshirt	nta this is a perfect way of handling it. tshirt and slacks are not appropriate for a formal wedding and you gave her the choice between male and female clothing. this is not about her being a tomboy (because you gave her the male options too) but about her being a teenager and not realizing that formal events require formal attire and she needs to suck it up (like everyone else). teenagers sometimes will be mad at you when you set good rules, i think that's just a normal part of the teenager-parent interaction. i even think teenagers need to be angry at their parents sometimes because they're in a rebellious phase of trying out where their anger leads to something and where they need to let go of an idea. if a teenager wouldn't ever be angry they wouldn't be a healthy teenager.	nta. i was ready to rip into this at first, but i think it sounds like you’re trying to compromise with a nice suit for her. i applaud your adapting!	nta, and honestly i admire your willingness to get her the formal attire of her choice. it’s important to learn that when you’re in certain circumstances (somebody’s guest, a job interview...) you need to present yourself in a way respectful of the environment. i know people who would take it as a direct insult if i wore a t-shirt to their wedding. the only way that’s “expressing” oneself is expressing your lack of regard for your host. maybe you can explain to your daughter that expressing yourself with clothing isn’t just expressing your own personality, but also expressing how you regard your environment. if she looks up to your niece, she shouldn’t want to express to your niece that she doesn’t care about or value this wedding, even if it’s more aligned with her personality. even if she personally wouldn’t care what people wear at her own wedding, it’s important to consider the perspectives of those hosting her.	you're actually being awesome. i kind of wish you'd been my mum. 100% nta. not many parents out there will let their daughter wear a suit to a wedding. you're being beyond what would usually be seen as reasonable and i applaud you for it. your daughter is going to look fantastic in her very own style of formal wear.	honestly, i was so ready to label you ta before reading. you're so nta and are a great parent for offering alternatives to the dress (the opposite of hindering expression!!).	nta. she is going to be embarrassed if everyone else is dressed up and she shows up in a t-shirt. most weddings typically have a dress code and it’s disrespectful not to follow them. you gave her plenty of options including getting her own tailored suit - that’s not constricting her expression, if anything it’s expanding it.	nta. she's being unreasonable. i was a tomboy growing up, and the issue i had was specifically with wearing dresses. and how i hated the frilly socks that itched like hell!. if i had been given any other option, i would have taken it. but i still wore the dresses when i had to. you are not forcing her to wear a dress. wanting to wear a t-shirt to a wedding is disrespectful towards everyone if the wedding is specifically formal. if it was me, i'd let her wear whatever she wanted and let her see how they turned her away at the door. or whispered behind her back. but i am aware you can't do that. try making her call the cousin beforehand to explain why she will be going in shorts and a t-shirt and see what she says. damn, that's bad advice too. nevermind, i have no good advice to give you. just know that you are definitely not the asshole.	nta. cheers to you. far from >constricting her expression you are encouraging her to express herself in a manner that befits the occasion. that's great parenting - rather than authoritarianism, showing understanding and flexibility. she's a teenager, so to some extent she's going to whine about not getting her way. she must learn that she can be unique but formal at the same time. if daughter ends up reading this: my cousin was the exact same way. refused to wear dresses. but she dressed sharply and appropriately. you have to match the occasion. it's just the polite thing to do. no one is asking you to wear hosiery and stilettos!	nta. i can sympathize with her but she has to realize the world doesn't revolve around her. just imagine how would the bride feel looking at a wedding group photo, everybody slick af and one person in shirt and jeans.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi all. my family is indian-american, but i like to think i am pretty progressive. i (40f) have a son (16m) and a daughter (15f). my daughter has started to become a tomboy over the last 2 years, despises feminine clothing and style. while it has definitely been an adjustment in my perception, i have always tried to be as supportive as possible, and have let her pick her own clothings, only eliminating anything that was graphic or inappropriate. however, my niece was getting married in a traditional, big indian wedding. while generally all the girls would be wearing formal lehangas (indian traditional dresses), i dropped it after asking my daughter if she wanted to wear that and she said no (only mentioned it once because she really looks up to my niece and i did not want her to feel left out). when i asked her what she wanted to wear, she said that should wear a t-shirt and slacks. but, i insisted that she wear a formal clothing of her choice, whether it was a suit, a dress or traditional indian clothing. this was black tie event. i was making my son wear a formal suit. everyone was going to be dressed to the nines. i was going to get my son a new suit tailored for the event, and i insisted that she come with and pick a fabric and suit style as well. it could be to her desire (as long as it was appropriate); like a very typical men's suit or feminine twist like what zendaya wears. she got angry and said i was constricting her expression. i think she will have to wear formal clothing in other points in her life, whether for work or other formal events. she can express herself however she wants but dressing appropriately for the occasion is a necessary skill. the wedding has been postponed for now, but i still want her to wear a formal outfit and she is still mad at me about this. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hi all. my family is indian-american, but i like to think i am pretty progressive. i (40f) have a son (16m) and a daughter (15f). my daughter has started to become a tomboy over the last 2 years, despises feminine clothing and style. while it has definitely been an adjustment in my perception, i have always tried to be as supportive as possible, and have let her pick her own clothings, only eliminating anything that was graphic or inappropriate. however, my niece was getting married in a traditional, big indian wedding. while generally all the girls would be wearing formal lehangas (indian traditional dresses), i dropped it after asking my daughter if she wanted to wear that and she said no (only mentioned it once because she really looks up to my niece and i did not want her to feel left out). when i asked her what she wanted to wear, she said that should wear a t-shirt and slacks. but, i insisted that she wear a formal clothing of her choice, whether it was a suit, a dress or traditional indian clothing. this was black tie event. i was making my son wear a formal suit. everyone was going to be dressed to the nines. i was going to get my son a new suit tailored for the event, and i insisted that she come with and pick a fabric and suit style as well. it could be to her desire (as long as it was appropriate); like a very typical men's suit or feminine twist like what zendaya wears. she got angry and said i was constricting her expression. i think she will have to wear formal clothing in other points in her life, whether for work or other formal events. she can express herself however she wants but dressing appropriately for the occasion is a necessary skill. the wedding has been postponed for now, but i still want her to wear a formal outfit and she is still mad at me about this. aita? [/INST] nta. you even gave her the choice of what type of formal wear to wear. it's extremely disrespectful to show up to a wedding in a tshirt </s>
AITA for being upset because my son didn’t talk to me, but talked to my wife.	i’m 40m, my wife is 39f, son in 15. yesterday when it was dinner time i called him to come downstairs few times. he didn’t answer me so i assumed that he didn’t hear me. i went upstairs and knocked on his door, he said he’d come downstairs in few minutes. after 15 minutes he still didn’t come downstairs so i walked in his room. i knocked first. he was obviously crying. i asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me so i didn’t push him more. i went downstairs and told my wife about it. she went upstairs to talk to him and stayed there for half an hour. she came back and brought him food upstairs. when i asked her what was wrong she said that it wasn’t anything important and told me to drop it. i got kind of upset because i want to know what was wrong and i’m his parent as well. i haven’t been fully ignoring them but i’ve been acting kinda distant since yesterday. my wife got mad at said that i was acting extremely immature.	28,033	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d84fui/aita_for_being_upset_because_my_son_didnt_talk_to/	2019-09-23 10:04:19	yta. i'm willing to bet that your attitude - as i doubt this is an isolated incident - is at least part of the reason your kid didn't want to talk to you.	yta you're entirely focused on your feelings in this, to the exclusion of any consideration for your son's situation or his trust in your wife. there could be a thousand reasons why he doesn't wanna tell you: * he could be embarrassed and need someone more sensitive. * he could be worried about losing your respect. * he might feel safer confiding in your wife, in general. * he might have picked up on some annoyed vibes from you (you've called him down, several times, it makes sense that you might have felt a little irritated). * you could have lost his trust, along the way, by being callous or downright dismissive about another matter. * he could be worried you might make fun of him. * maybe he's been told by his friends that this isn't something guys talk about. * maybe it's something he's scared of telling you and he needs time to build up the courage. * maybe he has such a high opinion of you that he'd rather hide it than risk damaging his esteem in your eyes. * maybe he just wanted to talk to his mom, rather than his dad, this time. the point is, if you sulk like a kid every time he doesn't immediately confide in you, you're gonna make sure it stays that way. who wants to seek comfort and advice from a petulant man-child?	yta mate it is incredibly immature to give your kid the cold shoulder over this. if anything, you should take this as a sign that you need to be more loving with him, not less. have you considered that this kind of bullshit might be why he's more comfortable talking to your wife than you? having said this, i can understand why you're slightly upset that your wife didn't tell you what was wrong. i imagine that would leave you feeling untrusted and out in the cold. but, to this, i'd say that you just need to trust your wife. trust that if it was something it was beneficial for you to know, that she would tell you. do your wife the courtesy of assuming that she's keeping it to herself in the best interests of your son. maybe it's something he's embarrassed about and only felt comfortable talking to his mum about. take a good hard look at yourself and do better.	info &#x200b; i'm gonna get so much hate for this because everyone is jumping into yta but here goes: &#x200b; a lot of people are saying you're at fault and you're the reason your son cried or doesn't want to talk to you to which i answer: we don't actually know if any of those accusations are true other than the accusers saying stuff like "i think so" or "i'm willing to bet that..." &#x200b; people are shitting on you because you're talking about your feelings instead of your son's to which i have two things to say in response: &#x200b; 1: as the titles suggests, your son didn't tell you anything about why or how he feels so you literally can't discuss anything about how he feels or why he feels that way because he didn't tell you anything you literally have nothing to talk about and to defend you even further on this topic, you've mentioned that you asked your wife what's going on, your first response was to try and find out why your child feels that way which is the exact opposite of what people are accusing you of doing &#x200b; 2: people are shrugging off your feelings and this event as a minor inconvenience to you and think you're petty for focusing on that... but this is a big deal, you just saw your child close himself in front of you, not letting you help him... i'm not a father but if someone i love would push me away like that for what would seem like no reason for me and not even tell me why, i would feel heartbroken and yes, upset too so i think your reaction here is not only reasonable but also very human and i don't think any father who loves their child and wants to support and help their child on this planet would have reacted any other way. &#x200b; &#x200b; as for you acting distant: i won't assume you're doing thins because you're being petty as it is just as likely you're acting out because you're deeply hurt by idk... your own goddamn child not trusting you (but hey, apparently everyone on this sub automatically magically knows why you're being distant because it can only be explained by pettiness, right?) and i will side with what a lot of people are saying here... if your child doesn't trust you there must be some sort of reason and in this case the best thing you could do is to be closer to him and be more caring rather than be more distant... if you really care about improving the relationship with your child that's what you'll do and if you're just being petty and childish - dude, just drop it, you're being a bad example to your kid and are most likely hurting him. &#x200b; and finally my main point: nobody on this entire sub can tell you whether you are an asshole or not solely based on what little information you provided, myself included because what you posted is lacks context, this could just be a teen being difficult and lashing out out of the blue or it could be a result of a long lasting issue of which you (or anyone else for that matter) could have been the cause. &#x200b; imo you should talk to your wife and ask if you are the problem in this scenario or if there's any way you can help or support your son in this, she talked to your kid so she should have more context. &#x200b; as for the people jumping to conclusions and shitting on you calling you an asshole: shame on you guys, if you wanna play witch hunts go to another sub.	yta. you are putting your feelings over those of your kid. he will tell you when he is ready to tell you. don’t throw your toys out the pram and ignore him because he chose to confide in his mum and not you. he doesn’t have to tell you everything, just be there and ready to listen when he’s ready to talk.	yta. you throwing this tantrum is just damaging your relationship with your son even more. you should be grateful he trusts your wife and that he has someone he feels he can open up to. your feelings are not more important. grow up ffs.	yta. you need to ask yourself a few questions. why do you think your son might feel more comfortable talking to your wife than to you? why do you think he was so uncomfortable that he probably asked your wife to not even tell you what was wrong? this is not about them. it's about you. of course you want to know what's wrong; that's natural. but there's a reason they aren't telling you. figure out what that is. being distant is only going to distance them more from you.	yta nothing wrong with feeling left out, but actually distancing yourself in spite of that, specially as the father, is immature like your wife said.	info. story's a bit vague. a lot of the people calling you an asshole right now seem a bit overeager/assume shit. y'all don't know if he treated his son badly, and you don't know just how "distant" he was. he said he wasn't ignoring them though and it's odd that you just disregarded that. i think the idea someone pitched about how the son might be embarrassed to talk to another guy about it is highly plausible. anyway i think you have grounds for wanting to be involved in your kid's life, and for feeling iced out. frankly though all you can do is try to help your son see you as someone to confide in, and other than that you just have to respect that he isn't comfortable telling you just yet.	yta for ignoring them and you are being immature. its understandable that your son might rather talk to your wife instead of you. some parents are more approachable while some parents might be considered the "fun" or "strict" one. maybe the problem lies with how you communicate with your son instead.	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	0.016	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m 40m, my wife is 39f, son in 15. yesterday when it was dinner time i called him to come downstairs few times. he didn’t answer me so i assumed that he didn’t hear me. i went upstairs and knocked on his door, he said he’d come downstairs in few minutes. after 15 minutes he still didn’t come downstairs so i walked in his room. i knocked first. he was obviously crying. i asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me so i didn’t push him more. i went downstairs and told my wife about it. she went upstairs to talk to him and stayed there for half an hour. she came back and brought him food upstairs. when i asked her what was wrong she said that it wasn’t anything important and told me to drop it. i got kind of upset because i want to know what was wrong and i’m his parent as well. i haven’t been fully ignoring them but i’ve been acting kinda distant since yesterday. my wife got mad at said that i was acting extremely immature.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m 40m, my wife is 39f, son in 15. yesterday when it was dinner time i called him to come downstairs few times. he didn’t answer me so i assumed that he didn’t hear me. i went upstairs and knocked on his door, he said he’d come downstairs in few minutes. after 15 minutes he still didn’t come downstairs so i walked in his room. i knocked first. he was obviously crying. i asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me so i didn’t push him more. i went downstairs and told my wife about it. she went upstairs to talk to him and stayed there for half an hour. she came back and brought him food upstairs. when i asked her what was wrong she said that it wasn’t anything important and told me to drop it. i got kind of upset because i want to know what was wrong and i’m his parent as well. i haven’t been fully ignoring them but i’ve been acting kinda distant since yesterday. my wife got mad at said that i was acting extremely immature. [/INST] yta. i'm willing to bet that your attitude - as i doubt this is an isolated incident - is at least part of the reason your kid didn't want to talk to you. </s>
AITA for celebrating my birthday which is the 1 year anniversary of my nephew's death?	my (25f) nephew (4m) passed away 1 year ago because of cancer. it was right on my birthday and there was no celebration, there was nothing, because everyone was devastated. my sister denise is still grieving, she's in therapy and making some progress, but it's been slow. my family and i try to be as supportive as possible. birthdays in my family are very important, we throw huge parties, i believe and have been taught that birthdays are important and should be cherished. yesterday was my birthday. obviously i felt bad about the anniversary of my nephew's death, but i was also a little down about not being able to celebrate like i used to and my girlfriend knew that. in the morning, i went to denise's house, stayed by her side until almost lunch time, when my mother would stay with her (we didn't want to leave her alone, but no one could stay all day). i went to work and at night, my girlfriend made a surprise at home with a candlelight dinner and a small cake. something very intimate and for both of us, since my family was in a bad way. i didn't post on social media, but my girlfriend posted a picture of us holding hands and the dinner she made with "happy bday, love". my mom and denise follow her on instagram. i woke up the next day to hundreds of texts from my mom and denise, asking if i was celebrating even though it was such a sad day and how heartless i was to celebrate knowing my sister was in such a bad way. even though i said it was a surprise, they called me cold, heartless and insensitive to the pain of others, saying i should have refused to celebrate. i was just glad i celebrated, because it's something important to me and i didn't even realize when my girlfriend posted this photo on insta. btw, in case you were wondering, none of them remembered it was my birthday. aita?	27,995	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ww3v9f/aita_for_celebrating_my_birthday_which_is_the_1/	2022-08-23 23:45:24	nta. you didn't make your mom or your sister celebrate with you. it was you and your so. does denise expect you to never celebrate your birthday again?	nta when i read the title i thought you had thrown a big, raucous birthday party. nope. you had dinner with your girlfriend in no way were you or your partner insensitive to your sister. if anything, i would consider a quiet intimate dinner instead of a large event a very respectful way to acknowledge your birthday without being excessive.	nta. you didn’t shove your birthday in everyone’s face, you didn’t act like your birthday reigned supreme, you spent time with your sister on a day she needed support and you had a very quiet event with your partner - which you have every right to do. people grieve differently but that doesn’t mean aspects of life still shouldn’t be celebrated. you acted appropriately	nta. nope. someone else’s death, while sad, doesn’t mean that you do not get to go on living and celebrating. shame on all of them for trying to make you feel guilty about this.	happy birthday, op. you are allowed to be a little bummed, you are allowed to celebrate, and you are nta. your family is allowed to feel their grief, of course, and unfortunately the day may never be the same for them - but they are not allowed to drag you through the mud for something that isn't remotely your fault.	nah, i am so glad your girlfriend had a little dinner for you. you don’t deserve to have your birthday forgotten. your sister is dealing with the first anniversary of loosing her son and lashed out- it was definitely inappropriate, but i wont blame her this year. anger is easier than grief. your mom is the closest to an ah. she lost her grandson, but it’s also her daughter’s birthday. she can’t let you be forgotten every year, especially when it’s a huge family tradition for everyone else. happy birthday.	nta low key birthday and spending time with the mother is definitely sensitive.	nta. are you supposed to never celebrate your birthday ever again? i’m sure her grief is overwhelming, but life does have to move on even through the grief.	nta - when i first read the title, i thought it was going to be about you having a massive party and inviting your family. you did more than your share to comfort your sister on this horribly tragic day for her. you had every right to celebrate in the privacy of your own home. while your gf maybe could have saved the photo until the next day if she wanted to be extra sensitive, she also did nothing wrong. it’s not like you had a big blowout birthday bash. you celebrated privately and quietly and you deserve to be celebrated on your birthday. as someone who’s birthday is also associated with tragic family events, i feel for you. it’s a tricky situation to navigate. ultimately, do what’s best for you.	nta. historically, there was a custom that you'd grieve for a dead family member for a year (think widows wearing black, etc.) and then after that year you'd resume your life. i'm here\[1\] to tell you that neither you nor your girlfriend did anything wrong, although it probably would have been prudent for her wait a couple of days to post the pictures. having said that, there is a very fine line here with how you can respond to your mother and sister without running the risk of them staying mad at you. your sister isn't really wrong for being stuck grieving, but she probably needs therapy to get past it. \[1\] my qualifications: i lost a child in a car accident 14 years ago. wife never really recovered fully, and it took her closer to a year and a half to start functioning again, but she eventually did. she would not have freaked out at someone else celebrating their birthday if it happened to fall on that day, though. &#x200b;	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (25f) nephew (4m) passed away 1 year ago because of cancer. it was right on my birthday and there was no celebration, there was nothing, because everyone was devastated. my sister denise is still grieving, she's in therapy and making some progress, but it's been slow. my family and i try to be as supportive as possible. birthdays in my family are very important, we throw huge parties, i believe and have been taught that birthdays are important and should be cherished. yesterday was my birthday. obviously i felt bad about the anniversary of my nephew's death, but i was also a little down about not being able to celebrate like i used to and my girlfriend knew that. in the morning, i went to denise's house, stayed by her side until almost lunch time, when my mother would stay with her (we didn't want to leave her alone, but no one could stay all day). i went to work and at night, my girlfriend made a surprise at home with a candlelight dinner and a small cake. something very intimate and for both of us, since my family was in a bad way. i didn't post on social media, but my girlfriend posted a picture of us holding hands and the dinner she made with "happy bday, love". my mom and denise follow her on instagram. i woke up the next day to hundreds of texts from my mom and denise, asking if i was celebrating even though it was such a sad day and how heartless i was to celebrate knowing my sister was in such a bad way. even though i said it was a surprise, they called me cold, heartless and insensitive to the pain of others, saying i should have refused to celebrate. i was just glad i celebrated, because it's something important to me and i didn't even realize when my girlfriend posted this photo on insta. btw, in case you were wondering, none of them remembered it was my birthday. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (25f) nephew (4m) passed away 1 year ago because of cancer. it was right on my birthday and there was no celebration, there was nothing, because everyone was devastated. my sister denise is still grieving, she's in therapy and making some progress, but it's been slow. my family and i try to be as supportive as possible. birthdays in my family are very important, we throw huge parties, i believe and have been taught that birthdays are important and should be cherished. yesterday was my birthday. obviously i felt bad about the anniversary of my nephew's death, but i was also a little down about not being able to celebrate like i used to and my girlfriend knew that. in the morning, i went to denise's house, stayed by her side until almost lunch time, when my mother would stay with her (we didn't want to leave her alone, but no one could stay all day). i went to work and at night, my girlfriend made a surprise at home with a candlelight dinner and a small cake. something very intimate and for both of us, since my family was in a bad way. i didn't post on social media, but my girlfriend posted a picture of us holding hands and the dinner she made with "happy bday, love". my mom and denise follow her on instagram. i woke up the next day to hundreds of texts from my mom and denise, asking if i was celebrating even though it was such a sad day and how heartless i was to celebrate knowing my sister was in such a bad way. even though i said it was a surprise, they called me cold, heartless and insensitive to the pain of others, saying i should have refused to celebrate. i was just glad i celebrated, because it's something important to me and i didn't even realize when my girlfriend posted this photo on insta. btw, in case you were wondering, none of them remembered it was my birthday. aita? [/INST] nta. you didn't make your mom or your sister celebrate with you. it was you and your so. does denise expect you to never celebrate your birthday again? </s>
AITA for getting an entire table for myself after my husband and his mom didn't save me a seat?	i'll start this off by saying that i, f32 have been with my husband bob, m39 for 3 years, married for one. his mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of "you work too much". not true because sometimes i do make myself available but yet find myself excluded. last week. his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery. i had to with that day but i ket her and everyone know that i'd be there at 8pm. bob obviously knew i was coming. thing is, when i arrived to the restaurant i saw that the table was full. all chairs had been taken and i just stood there with complete puzzlement while bob and his mom just stared at me. his mom then told me there was no place left for me and that i could either have bob get up and take his seat or .... go home. i was so upset but instead of going home i just went and took an entire table for me. bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking... ngl i did get weird looks from the guests but so did bob and his mom. it was awkward in all honesty. i had my dinner, dessert, then went home. i saw bob and his mom staring grudgingly while i was making my way out. he got home an hour later and yelled saying i embarrassed his mom infront of her guests. i yelled asking wtf was i supposed to do after i got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs. i told him he could've saved me a chair!!!!!. he said that i could've just left instead, and reminded me that i was a "guest" and that i shouldn't expect this level of entitlement to be "accepted". he then went on about how i ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what i did and has been pouting about it for days now. i don't get it, i really don't. was my expectation really that entitled? i mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. but clearly i'm missing something here.	27,951	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w77sl5/aita_for_getting_an_entire_table_for_myself_after/	2022-07-24 22:26:48	nta. op, is this level of disrespect really what you want for the next 20 years?	nta. 1) they could have booked a table with the appropriate seating. 2) they could have pulled up a chair and budged up if a random extra guest turned up. 3) they could have split the table in to 2. 4) they could have text you before you got there and said “there’s an issue with the table”. why are you married to someone who would literally sit there staring at you instead of do something to help and then blame the situation on you?	nta i don't understand why you would be with someone who clearly doesn't view you as family. him being your husband is pretty bad. not sure if it's always been like this. but wow. that's a horrible way to treat you.	nta. mom and husband tried to humiliate you and got pissy when you turned the tables. i hope you do it again	nta!! and i salute you! i could have never done that because i am too much of a chicken, but believe me, if i had been a guest (and grasped the situation) i would have stared too! in admiration!	nta you’re my sprit animal. i’m super proud of you. dessert too!	has no one explained why there weren't enough seats for all the invited guests? by their logic, whoever got there last would have to go home since there weren't enough seats. do you think any of your mom's other guests would have been sent home if you got there first? i don't think so either. this was intentionally done by your mother in law to humiliate you and your husband was in on it. they were only upset because your actions turned the tables on them and made them look foolish instead of successfully humiliating you. you failed to stay properly under their thumb, so your husband is punishing you a different way. i don't know what his end game is. i do know controlling, abusive behavior when i see it. nothing you said even closely resembles a healthy, functional relationship. nta in this situation obviously.	nta i would advise you to rethink this marriage. your husband is not supportive at all and he will always put his mother first. don't doubt yourself, your reaction was great! in what world is it consideted entitled behaviour to assume that you will have a seat at a table you are invited to?	once she told you to go home and you instead secured your own table, you were no longer her guest. you were and independent customer. and she would not have been embarrassed unless she knew her actions were wrong. it was a power play. unfortunately, your husband was part of it. are you sure you can live in this situation for the rest of your life? nta	nta lol get rid of bob. he’d probably still be on the t*t if he could be. his mom will always come before you.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'll start this off by saying that i, f32 have been with my husband bob, m39 for 3 years, married for one. his mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of "you work too much". not true because sometimes i do make myself available but yet find myself excluded. last week. his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery. i had to with that day but i ket her and everyone know that i'd be there at 8pm. bob obviously knew i was coming. thing is, when i arrived to the restaurant i saw that the table was full. all chairs had been taken and i just stood there with complete puzzlement while bob and his mom just stared at me. his mom then told me there was no place left for me and that i could either have bob get up and take his seat or .... go home. i was so upset but instead of going home i just went and took an entire table for me. bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking... ngl i did get weird looks from the guests but so did bob and his mom. it was awkward in all honesty. i had my dinner, dessert, then went home. i saw bob and his mom staring grudgingly while i was making my way out. he got home an hour later and yelled saying i embarrassed his mom infront of her guests. i yelled asking wtf was i supposed to do after i got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs. i told him he could've saved me a chair!!!!!. he said that i could've just left instead, and reminded me that i was a "guest" and that i shouldn't expect this level of entitlement to be "accepted". he then went on about how i ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what i did and has been pouting about it for days now. i don't get it, i really don't. was my expectation really that entitled? i mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. but clearly i'm missing something here.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'll start this off by saying that i, f32 have been with my husband bob, m39 for 3 years, married for one. his mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of "you work too much". not true because sometimes i do make myself available but yet find myself excluded. last week. his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery. i had to with that day but i ket her and everyone know that i'd be there at 8pm. bob obviously knew i was coming. thing is, when i arrived to the restaurant i saw that the table was full. all chairs had been taken and i just stood there with complete puzzlement while bob and his mom just stared at me. his mom then told me there was no place left for me and that i could either have bob get up and take his seat or .... go home. i was so upset but instead of going home i just went and took an entire table for me. bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking... ngl i did get weird looks from the guests but so did bob and his mom. it was awkward in all honesty. i had my dinner, dessert, then went home. i saw bob and his mom staring grudgingly while i was making my way out. he got home an hour later and yelled saying i embarrassed his mom infront of her guests. i yelled asking wtf was i supposed to do after i got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs. i told him he could've saved me a chair!!!!!. he said that i could've just left instead, and reminded me that i was a "guest" and that i shouldn't expect this level of entitlement to be "accepted". he then went on about how i ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what i did and has been pouting about it for days now. i don't get it, i really don't. was my expectation really that entitled? i mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. but clearly i'm missing something here. [/INST] nta. op, is this level of disrespect really what you want for the next 20 years? </s>
AITA for banishing my teenage daughter's friend from our house because she made fun of my weight?	i (37f) have two kids with my husband (41m); a 14-year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son. our daughter has always been a little socially awkward to the point that we've had her tested since we suspected her of being on the spectrum. turns out she isn't on the spectrum; she's just a natural introvert. however, this year in school we were thrilled when our daughter made a new friend her age since that is an area in which she struggles. long story short she recently invited her new friend over (with our aproval) to have dinner at our house and then spend the night. so, my daughter's friend came over. my husband is usually the cook in the family and this night was no exception; he made us all a really nice meal. during the course of said meal i asked my daughter's friend; "are you enjoying the food?" she responded "yes! \[your husband\] is a great cook! no wonder you've ended up a bigger woman." the room got quiet for several moments. my husband tried to laugh it off and change the subject but i wasn't having it. the girl had just leveled a completely uncalled-for insult at me. my daughter's friend seemed to realize that she'd messed up but she didn't say anything else. we finished an awkward dinner in mostly silence and my daughter's friend did stay the night. this was a couple of months ago. recently my daughter asked if she could have her friend back over and i told her "sure; if she's going to apologize to me." when our daughter asked what i meant i reminded her of what she'd said. my daughter responded that it was over and she didn't want to bring it up again. she then went to her father and asked. he said "sure" but she then told him what i'd said. he came to me and said: "\[daughter's friend\] just felt awkward and tried to make a joke. it didn't land. for the sake of our daughter can't you just let it go?" yes, i could, but the thing is that i just want an apology from the girl. i need to see that she understands how rude she was before i can get on board with her and myy daughter hanging out. my husband says that i am being weird for insisting on an apology from a 14 year-old, especially since that girl is such a good friend of our daughter. i think it's weird that i'm still waiting for an apology from that same girl. seriously. that's all i need. i just need to know that any friend of my daughter is willing to own up to her screw ups.	27,935	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ze4qw3/aita_for_banishing_my_teenage_daughters_friend/	2022-12-06 11:58:39	yta. did it ever occur to you that the reason this girl and your daughter “clicked” as friends is that they’re both socially awkward? she’s a 14 year old kid. even with the best social skills, they often put their foot in their mouths. let it go. don’t ruin your daughter’s friendship because your ego was hurt by one off hand comment. **	yta. you should have asked for an apology at the table. what she said was very rude, and i think she knew it as soon as it came out of her mouth, but she didn’t know what to do to make it right. if you’d said “that’s was very rude, and i’d like an apology” she would have said “i’m sorry” right there, and while awkward, it would have been over. you missed your teaching moment. holding a grudge for months against a 14-year-old is silly, and you’re punishing your daughter unfairly. let the kid have a friend.	yta. stop it. you're the adult here; don't pick a fight with a 14 year old child. it's clear this kid didn't mean to upset you. do you really want to sabotage your own child's friendships because of your ego? you don't 'need' an apology. you need to act like an adult and shake it off.	as a bigger woman myself, yta. kids say dumb things. once a kid came up to me in the mall and said, “ewwww, you’re fat!” i responded, “ewww, you have brown hair!” she ran off crying to her mother.	yta. if 14 is old enough to apologize, 37 is old enough to communicate that at the time. you've taken an awkward moment that this girl probably wishes she could forget and made it into some huge issue. have some grace, let it go, let her think it's forgotten. and let your daughter have a friend, ffs.	yta teenagers say dumb things. and the time to correct it was in the moment. let the faux pas slide, but if it happens again, explain why it isn't ok to joke like that with you. this is your daughter's friendship, keep the peace.	yta. move on. you are an adult. it wasn't even a hateful derogatory statement. if anything, women of all body types are being celebrated in the media lately and at her impressionable age it might have been a well-meant, positive comment. let your insecurities go. she's a teenager, not some coworker, and possibly one of your daughter's only friends.	are you really going to prevent your daughter from having this one single friend because she called you fat? is this the hill you wanna die on?....i'm also really introverted and can confidently tell you that this will prevent your daughter from having the courage to make other friends because this is how you react to kids trying to make a joke. their brains are still developing and sometimes they can't control what just comes out of their mouths.	yta. you said your daughter is socially awkward to the point of having her tested. birds of a feather flock together. this girl absolutely did not mean to insult you. you, as the adult, should have and could have used the opportunity to talk about appropriate comments and kindness but instead chose to ignore it. i think inviting her into your home is appropriate especially if this is your daughters only friend. if you feel so inclined, let her know how the comment upset you and moving forward you’d appreciate if any jokes were made not involving anyone’s weight in the house. a healthy boundary to set.	she called you a bigger woman and complimented your husband’s food. if this is a fact i can’t see how she was being insulting, you’re just being over sensitive. i’m an obese guy, if someone points that out to me with no malicious intentions how on earth am i going to demand an apology for stating a fact? your husband is right. get over your bruised ego for your daughter’s sake. is it an insult to say someone is tall, short, curly-haired or brown-eyed? she didn’t make fun of you. why should you get an apology?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (37f) have two kids with my husband (41m); a 14-year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son. our daughter has always been a little socially awkward to the point that we've had her tested since we suspected her of being on the spectrum. turns out she isn't on the spectrum; she's just a natural introvert. however, this year in school we were thrilled when our daughter made a new friend her age since that is an area in which she struggles. long story short she recently invited her new friend over (with our aproval) to have dinner at our house and then spend the night. so, my daughter's friend came over. my husband is usually the cook in the family and this night was no exception; he made us all a really nice meal. during the course of said meal i asked my daughter's friend; "are you enjoying the food?" she responded "yes! \[your husband\] is a great cook! no wonder you've ended up a bigger woman." the room got quiet for several moments. my husband tried to laugh it off and change the subject but i wasn't having it. the girl had just leveled a completely uncalled-for insult at me. my daughter's friend seemed to realize that she'd messed up but she didn't say anything else. we finished an awkward dinner in mostly silence and my daughter's friend did stay the night. this was a couple of months ago. recently my daughter asked if she could have her friend back over and i told her "sure; if she's going to apologize to me." when our daughter asked what i meant i reminded her of what she'd said. my daughter responded that it was over and she didn't want to bring it up again. she then went to her father and asked. he said "sure" but she then told him what i'd said. he came to me and said: "\[daughter's friend\] just felt awkward and tried to make a joke. it didn't land. for the sake of our daughter can't you just let it go?" yes, i could, but the thing is that i just want an apology from the girl. i need to see that she understands how rude she was before i can get on board with her and myy daughter hanging out. my husband says that i am being weird for insisting on an apology from a 14 year-old, especially since that girl is such a good friend of our daughter. i think it's weird that i'm still waiting for an apology from that same girl. seriously. that's all i need. i just need to know that any friend of my daughter is willing to own up to her screw ups.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (37f) have two kids with my husband (41m); a 14-year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son. our daughter has always been a little socially awkward to the point that we've had her tested since we suspected her of being on the spectrum. turns out she isn't on the spectrum; she's just a natural introvert. however, this year in school we were thrilled when our daughter made a new friend her age since that is an area in which she struggles. long story short she recently invited her new friend over (with our aproval) to have dinner at our house and then spend the night. so, my daughter's friend came over. my husband is usually the cook in the family and this night was no exception; he made us all a really nice meal. during the course of said meal i asked my daughter's friend; "are you enjoying the food?" she responded "yes! \[your husband\] is a great cook! no wonder you've ended up a bigger woman." the room got quiet for several moments. my husband tried to laugh it off and change the subject but i wasn't having it. the girl had just leveled a completely uncalled-for insult at me. my daughter's friend seemed to realize that she'd messed up but she didn't say anything else. we finished an awkward dinner in mostly silence and my daughter's friend did stay the night. this was a couple of months ago. recently my daughter asked if she could have her friend back over and i told her "sure; if she's going to apologize to me." when our daughter asked what i meant i reminded her of what she'd said. my daughter responded that it was over and she didn't want to bring it up again. she then went to her father and asked. he said "sure" but she then told him what i'd said. he came to me and said: "\[daughter's friend\] just felt awkward and tried to make a joke. it didn't land. for the sake of our daughter can't you just let it go?" yes, i could, but the thing is that i just want an apology from the girl. i need to see that she understands how rude she was before i can get on board with her and myy daughter hanging out. my husband says that i am being weird for insisting on an apology from a 14 year-old, especially since that girl is such a good friend of our daughter. i think it's weird that i'm still waiting for an apology from that same girl. seriously. that's all i need. i just need to know that any friend of my daughter is willing to own up to her screw ups. [/INST] yta. did it ever occur to you that the reason this girl and your daughter “clicked” as friends is that they’re both* socially awkward? she’s a 14 year old kid. even with the best social skills, they often put their foot in their mouths. let it go. don’t ruin your daughter’s friendship because your ego was hurt by one off hand comment. ** </s>
AITA for moving back out after my parents demanded I follow their rules	this is my first post and im on mobile so apologies if i get it wrong. i (22 male) just finished college and went back to my hometown while i figure out what i want to do next. i was planning to share an apartment with my old friends, but my parents wanted me to move in to help them out. covid has hid them hard and are struggling to pay their bills, so they wanted me to move in and pay rent. i said ok because i wanted to help them out. it all went well until 3 days after i moved in. my mother came in around 9 pm, saying 'i had enough screen time and need to go to bed'. i thought this was ridiculous, because i'm an adult paying rent, they have no right to demand this. she said 'your living under my roof, i make the rules'. i went along with it for the night, and the next morning i went and took my laptop back from their room. she proceeded to ground me, for 'disobeying her authority'. i had enough of this, called the people i was going to room with and asked if they still had a spot. they said yes, so i packed up and moved in with them. now my family is hounding me for 'not supporting my family'. edit 1: hello! when i posted this, it says it was removed, so i just left it. i went on the sub yesterday and saw that this actually went through! im going to go and respond to comments now.	27,894	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nce479/aita_for_moving_back_out_after_my_parents/	2021-05-14 17:29:55	nta. grounding a 22 year old man and taking away his computer is totally ridiculous, even if you didn't pay rent (which you do!). you tried to help them out, they treated it like they were doing \you\ a favor. go go go and don't look back.	haha too funny. tell them to make an ad for a tenant and make sure to put in the ad that they'll be controlling that tenants screen- and bedtime, and must obey all house rules or else be grounded. nta.	nta. lois mcmaster bujold has a quote about adulthood that i like: >"adulthood isn't an award they'll give you for being a good child. you can waste...years, trying to get someone to give that respect to you, as though it were a sort of promotion or raise in pay. if only you do enough, if only you are good enough. no. you have to just...take it. give it to yourself, i suppose. say, i'm sorry you feel like that, and walk away. but that's hard.” they can't have you as an adult and have you as a child at the same time. at 22, parental authority should be taking an advisor role, not a dominator one. a lot of parents find this transition difficult (though frankly they should have started working on it years ago). but it being difficult for them is their problem, not yours. you're not causing fights, you're not straining against their rules, you're just refusing to be put into a position where you have to submit; that's reasonable, mature behavior.	nta. you put it perfectly. your mother was ridiculous. either you are an adult who is paying rent and therefore entitled to privacy, or you are a child who doesn't have to pay expenses. if they want your support, they need to respect your status as an adult.	nta > now my family is hounding me for 'not supporting my family'. "you move in and help them then."	nta, but dude, srsly? your mom took your laptop? you waited too long to move out.	oh this is ridiculous. absolutely nta. you’re a 22 year old college graduate, not a kid living under your parents roof. i’m guessing they were always like this? but you probably hoped that your being a college graduate and paying rent would have changed the dynamic a bit. i would absolutely not move back in. they’re treating you like a child.	nta. youre an adult paying rent, not a child that has to go to school tomorrow.	your mom acted like you're 12, not 22. bit of cognitive dissonance here - a mom can tell a 12 year old to go to bed, but that 12 year old isn't going to "support the family" by paying rent. cant have it both ways, mom. next time treat your 22 year old son like the rent paying adult he is. nta.	nta. you’re a fully grown adult which would be reasons enough, but on top of that you were paying rent. she has no authority to ground you, or take your property, you made the right call.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is my first post and im on mobile so apologies if i get it wrong. i (22 male) just finished college and went back to my hometown while i figure out what i want to do next. i was planning to share an apartment with my old friends, but my parents wanted me to move in to help them out. covid has hid them hard and are struggling to pay their bills, so they wanted me to move in and pay rent. i said ok because i wanted to help them out. it all went well until 3 days after i moved in. my mother came in around 9 pm, saying 'i had enough screen time and need to go to bed'. i thought this was ridiculous, because i'm an adult paying rent, they have no right to demand this. she said 'your living under my roof, i make the rules'. i went along with it for the night, and the next morning i went and took my laptop back from their room. she proceeded to ground me, for 'disobeying her authority'. i had enough of this, called the people i was going to room with and asked if they still had a spot. they said yes, so i packed up and moved in with them. now my family is hounding me for 'not supporting my family'. edit 1: hello! when i posted this, it says it was removed, so i just left it. i went on the sub yesterday and saw that this actually went through! im going to go and respond to comments now.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this is my first post and im on mobile so apologies if i get it wrong. i (22 male) just finished college and went back to my hometown while i figure out what i want to do next. i was planning to share an apartment with my old friends, but my parents wanted me to move in to help them out. covid has hid them hard and are struggling to pay their bills, so they wanted me to move in and pay rent. i said ok because i wanted to help them out. it all went well until 3 days after i moved in. my mother came in around 9 pm, saying 'i had enough screen time and need to go to bed'. i thought this was ridiculous, because i'm an adult paying rent, they have no right to demand this. she said 'your living under my roof, i make the rules'. i went along with it for the night, and the next morning i went and took my laptop back from their room. she proceeded to ground me, for 'disobeying her authority'. i had enough of this, called the people i was going to room with and asked if they still had a spot. they said yes, so i packed up and moved in with them. now my family is hounding me for 'not supporting my family'. edit 1: hello! when i posted this, it says it was removed, so i just left it. i went on the sub yesterday and saw that this actually went through! im going to go and respond to comments now. [/INST] nta. grounding a 22 year old man and taking away his computer is totally ridiculous, even if you didn't pay rent (which you do!). you tried to help them out, they treated it like they were doing \you\* a favor. go go go and don't look back. </s>
AITA for kicking my boyfriend's parents out of our apartment after his mom called me a bitch?	back in march his parents decided they wanted to come "wait quarantine out" at our apartment. for starters they never asked. his mother called and told me that they were on their way and to prepare our spare bedroom for them. i was already apprehensive about them staying with us because his parents have always been extremely rude to me. they are overly critical of everything i say and do. they are massive control freaks who feel entitled to always be in charge. so right off the bat things are miserable. they verbally abuse me daily, tell me what i can and can't do in my own apartment, and are overall just the worst. out of everything, the air conditioning caused the biggest debacle. where i live it has been 85-90 almost every day. i normally keep my air on 70, but when they started complaining, i turned the air up to 75. this is already a little toasty for me, but i was willing to be a little hot to try to keep the peace. this was not good enough for them. they don't want the air on. period. they want the heat on. and they turn it on every single opportunity they get. i wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. i have told them to stop countless times. yesterday i finally cracked. i put about 10 pieces of duct tape over the thermostat with a note attached that said "do not touch the thermostat while i am at work". 6pm i walk into my apartment and am automatically hit by a hotter and more humid heat than it is outside. duct tape and note have been torn off the thermostat and they have the heat on 98 fucking degrees. i go into the guest room and say "why could you not follow the simple instruction of do not touch the thermostat. this is my home. i am tired of you saying rude things to me. i am tired of you treating me like a child and creating your own rules for my apartment. you either need to be respectful towards me and learn to accept my boundaries or go back to your own house." his mother said and i disdainfully quote, "you have no right to barge in here without knocking. that was not only an invasion of privacy but you need to take the attitude out of your tone. i've dealt with much bigger bitches than you before." she went on for 30 minutes and i just tuned her out. when she was done talking i told her to get out. now my boyfriend is angry with me because i couldn't just let them have their way. he wants me to call his mom and apologize but i don't think i should have to. i may have been rude to her, but it was only because i have spent the past two months dealing with her abuse and trying to politely ask her to stop treating me that way. i got tired of politely asking someone to stop treating me like shit in my own home in which i was letting them live in for free. i also got tired of my boyfriend refusing to defend me and allowing her to say and do whatever she wanted. i am trying to understand their perspective although it just doesn't seem reasonable to me. if reddit determines i am the asshole, i will call and apologize.	27,873	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gon4bm/aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriends_parents_out_of_our/	2020-05-22 17:00:28	nta. and i would seriously consider a future with him if he's not willing to support you now, it will only be worse in the future when it comes to his parents.	nta. why do you even stay with your boyfriend? he’s clearly choosing his mother over you every single time. you should be kicking all three out	nta you should probably kick your boyfriend out too, he sucks	alright guys so my boyfriend and i just had a very long conversation. i admitted to him that i vented on reddit and i screen shotted a bunch of comments for him to read through. he was mostly silent for awhile and got a little emotional. eventually he asked me if i showed him all these comments because i was planning on leaving him. i told him no, i wasn't going to just dump him without giving him the chance to work through our issues if he was willing to. i explained to him that i understand his past trauma with his mother, but it doesn't make it okay for him to enable her to be abusive towards me. he agreed that he was in the wrong and he should have made a bigger effort to step in and defend me. he also apologized for asking me to call his mother and apologize. i told him that i wasn't going to make him choose between me and his mother, but if we were going to have a healthy relationship he would have to start going to therapy and he would have to confront his mother about her behavior. i told him i would stand by him and support him as he did it, but it was something he would have to do on his own. i told him that we were setting some hard boundaries and one of those boundaries would be that his parents are no longer allowed to stay with us. ever. he agreed that was for the best and admitted he's been miserable these past two months too. he mentioned that cutting off his family might be what is healthiest for his mental health and how that is something he would discuss with the psychiatrist when he goes. i told him that i was extremely hurt that not only was he willing to prioritize his mother over me, but he was willing to cause me pain to satiate her need for control. it bothered me a lot that he made me really feel like i was the asshole to the point that i made this post to try to gain perspective. after that he told me he would call his mother and request she apologize for treating me so poorly the past two months. honestly that is a really big step for him and i am very proud of him for that. it shows me that he is willing to work on his issues. i do think seeing a professional might help him process these emotions better and develop healthier coping mechanisms. overall, right now it seems like we're going to be okay relationship wise as long as he is committed to actually following through with his promises. thank you to everyone who commented!! you have been extremely helpful. i will keep you guys updates on any new developments.	nta they were under your roof. they came unannounced (but what i've seen from this story i would think that your bf knew before and he said okay before telling you anything). they overstayed their welcome and tried to change your life style in your house. unacceptable. i don't know how bad the heated argument was at the very end but she shouldn't have called you a bitch no matter what. they are the ones that need to apologize. your boyfriend sucks. how dependent is he to his parents that he bends over backwards to ignore all the shit they do and ask you to apologize? just kick him to the curb next to his beloved parents too.	nta - i'm having trouble figuring out who are the biggest assholes : your bf's parents for their obnoxious behavior or your bf for allowing it. i think i am going to go with the bf for demanding you be the one to apologize.	nta. and holy shit, why are they even there in the first place if they have their own home? do not try to understand their perspective, it is horrifically flawed. i'd be having a serious talk with bf as well, he is clearly putting them well before you.	nta - send the boyfriend with them since he is siding with them. you deserve better. it sounds like they were being rude guests.	absolutely nta. it is your house and they are guests - basic respect for your rules is not too much to ask. honestly, i would be rethinking my relationship with the boyfriend, too. he doesn't defend you and wants you to be uncomfortable in your own home to keep his parents happy. not to mention, do you really want to marry into a family that thinks it's okay to keep the house and 98 flippin' degrees?!	nta. and i’d be breaking up.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: back in march his parents decided they wanted to come "wait quarantine out" at our apartment. for starters they never asked. his mother called and told me that they were on their way and to prepare our spare bedroom for them. i was already apprehensive about them staying with us because his parents have always been extremely rude to me. they are overly critical of everything i say and do. they are massive control freaks who feel entitled to always be in charge. so right off the bat things are miserable. they verbally abuse me daily, tell me what i can and can't do in my own apartment, and are overall just the worst. out of everything, the air conditioning caused the biggest debacle. where i live it has been 85-90 almost every day. i normally keep my air on 70, but when they started complaining, i turned the air up to 75. this is already a little toasty for me, but i was willing to be a little hot to try to keep the peace. this was not good enough for them. they don't want the air on. period. they want the heat on. and they turn it on every single opportunity they get. i wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. i have told them to stop countless times. yesterday i finally cracked. i put about 10 pieces of duct tape over the thermostat with a note attached that said "do not touch the thermostat while i am at work". 6pm i walk into my apartment and am automatically hit by a hotter and more humid heat than it is outside. duct tape and note have been torn off the thermostat and they have the heat on 98 fucking degrees. i go into the guest room and say "why could you not follow the simple instruction of do not touch the thermostat. this is my home. i am tired of you saying rude things to me. i am tired of you treating me like a child and creating your own rules for my apartment. you either need to be respectful towards me and learn to accept my boundaries or go back to your own house." his mother said and i disdainfully quote, "you have no right to barge in here without knocking. that was not only an invasion of privacy but you need to take the attitude out of your tone. i've dealt with much bigger bitches than you before." she went on for 30 minutes and i just tuned her out. when she was done talking i told her to get out. now my boyfriend is angry with me because i couldn't just let them have their way. he wants me to call his mom and apologize but i don't think i should have to. i may have been rude to her, but it was only because i have spent the past two months dealing with her abuse and trying to politely ask her to stop treating me that way. i got tired of politely asking someone to stop treating me like shit in my own home in which i was letting them live in for free. i also got tired of my boyfriend refusing to defend me and allowing her to say and do whatever she wanted. i am trying to understand their perspective although it just doesn't seem reasonable to me. if reddit determines i am the asshole, i will call and apologize.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> back in march his parents decided they wanted to come "wait quarantine out" at our apartment. for starters they never asked. his mother called and told me that they were on their way and to prepare our spare bedroom for them. i was already apprehensive about them staying with us because his parents have always been extremely rude to me. they are overly critical of everything i say and do. they are massive control freaks who feel entitled to always be in charge. so right off the bat things are miserable. they verbally abuse me daily, tell me what i can and can't do in my own apartment, and are overall just the worst. out of everything, the air conditioning caused the biggest debacle. where i live it has been 85-90 almost every day. i normally keep my air on 70, but when they started complaining, i turned the air up to 75. this is already a little toasty for me, but i was willing to be a little hot to try to keep the peace. this was not good enough for them. they don't want the air on. period. they want the heat on. and they turn it on every single opportunity they get. i wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. i have told them to stop countless times. yesterday i finally cracked. i put about 10 pieces of duct tape over the thermostat with a note attached that said "do not touch the thermostat while i am at work". 6pm i walk into my apartment and am automatically hit by a hotter and more humid heat than it is outside. duct tape and note have been torn off the thermostat and they have the heat on 98 fucking degrees. i go into the guest room and say "why could you not follow the simple instruction of do not touch the thermostat. this is my home. i am tired of you saying rude things to me. i am tired of you treating me like a child and creating your own rules for my apartment. you either need to be respectful towards me and learn to accept my boundaries or go back to your own house." his mother said and i disdainfully quote, "you have no right to barge in here without knocking. that was not only an invasion of privacy but you need to take the attitude out of your tone. i've dealt with much bigger bitches than you before." she went on for 30 minutes and i just tuned her out. when she was done talking i told her to get out. now my boyfriend is angry with me because i couldn't just let them have their way. he wants me to call his mom and apologize but i don't think i should have to. i may have been rude to her, but it was only because i have spent the past two months dealing with her abuse and trying to politely ask her to stop treating me that way. i got tired of politely asking someone to stop treating me like shit in my own home in which i was letting them live in for free. i also got tired of my boyfriend refusing to defend me and allowing her to say and do whatever she wanted. i am trying to understand their perspective although it just doesn't seem reasonable to me. if reddit determines i am the asshole, i will call and apologize. [/INST] nta. and i would seriously consider a future with him if he's not willing to support you now, it will only be worse in the future when it comes to his parents. </s>
AITA For Calling The Police On My Husband?	my husband's car doesn't work and he needs money to get it fixed. he doesn't have enough money. i'm in medicine school and have been getting ready for my exams for a month now. every month he and his friends go on a road trip. his car's been sitting in the garage for 3 months now. he asked if he could take my car to take the guys on a road trip since it was his turn to take them. i told him i need the car since i have a weak immune system and public transportation might be risky. and i can't afford to get sick in the middle of my exams. he begged saying his friends are gonna say he ruined the trip and our discussion got nowhere. the trip was last week. i had an exam the day of the trip and left at 8am. i had several things to do. i stopped by the coffee shop to use the internet. i arrived at the university at 8:30 and entered the hall getting ready for my exam. after i finished. i spent few minutes with my friends then i left. i got to the parking lot and my car wasn't there, i started freaking out. thinking i might've left the door open or something. i called my husband but he didn't pick up. my friends immediately told me to call the police. i ended up waiting for them to ask me about what happened. the officer said i needed to come to the station to give my statement. i stayed there for 4 hours then i was told my car was found. my husband was driving it and was picked up an hour away from where we live. i was shocked. and mad. it never occured to me that he was the one who took it. i went home and waited til he got back. he was upset and didn't want to talk about what he did. the argument started after he said he made a copy of the key and didn't take til he made sure i arrived for my exam. i yelled at him and told him it was not okay. he caused me to stress out and worry about the car. he told me calling the police was drastic and shouldn't have gotten them involved but i had no idea he took the car. he said he wanted to text me but forgot. said the trip was ruined and he was embarrassed by being picked up by the police while he was with friends. he still thinks calling the police was over the top reaction but what was i supposed to do.	27,871	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mgj83i/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_husband/	2021-03-30 15:58:15	nta and dump him. he stole your car, let you worry, and can afford to go on a trip with his friends but not to fix his own car ? you deserve better, hun. go get it. edit : wow thanks for the awards, kind strangers ! also please don't forget to give some strength to op !	nta. he literally stole your car like a bratty teenager when you told him no. this should make you seriously reevaluate this relationship.	please, for the love of god, make this person your ex-husband soon. if your partner can’t even clear the bar of ‘doesn’t steal my car’... and nta, obviously.	nta. he copied your key, and he stole your car right out of the parking lot. how were you to know the car thief was him? meanwhile, he left you stranded in a pandemic to party with his buddies. calling the police was appropriate. so is leaving his selfish, irresponsible ass.	nta, but your title is misleading. you didn’t call the police on your husband. you called the police to report that your car had been stolen. the fact that your husband was the one who stole it is his fault, not yours.	nta. i know reddit always says to dump your spouse, and leave him behind but in this situation? he stole your car, during your exams, for a very stressful major. a very serious one as well, as failing can delay graduation for a year+. he has no regard for you. he has no respect for you. i am really sorry.	nta he lied to you, so you properly assumed your car was stolen. he took it without your permission or knowledge, that is stealing.	nta why is your husband doing a road trip every month when he can’t even afford to get a car fixed?	nta he stole your fucking car. why are you still together?	nta. would your husband have rathered your first thought be "my husband has taken the car"?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband's car doesn't work and he needs money to get it fixed. he doesn't have enough money. i'm in medicine school and have been getting ready for my exams for a month now. every month he and his friends go on a road trip. his car's been sitting in the garage for 3 months now. he asked if he could take my car to take the guys on a road trip since it was his turn to take them. i told him i need the car since i have a weak immune system and public transportation might be risky. and i can't afford to get sick in the middle of my exams. he begged saying his friends are gonna say he ruined the trip and our discussion got nowhere. the trip was last week. i had an exam the day of the trip and left at 8am. i had several things to do. i stopped by the coffee shop to use the internet. i arrived at the university at 8:30 and entered the hall getting ready for my exam. after i finished. i spent few minutes with my friends then i left. i got to the parking lot and my car wasn't there, i started freaking out. thinking i might've left the door open or something. i called my husband but he didn't pick up. my friends immediately told me to call the police. i ended up waiting for them to ask me about what happened. the officer said i needed to come to the station to give my statement. i stayed there for 4 hours then i was told my car was found. my husband was driving it and was picked up an hour away from where we live. i was shocked. and mad. it never occured to me that he was the one who took it. i went home and waited til he got back. he was upset and didn't want to talk about what he did. the argument started after he said he made a copy of the key and didn't take til he made sure i arrived for my exam. i yelled at him and told him it was not okay. he caused me to stress out and worry about the car. he told me calling the police was drastic and shouldn't have gotten them involved but i had no idea he took the car. he said he wanted to text me but forgot. said the trip was ruined and he was embarrassed by being picked up by the police while he was with friends. he still thinks calling the police was over the top reaction but what was i supposed to do.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband's car doesn't work and he needs money to get it fixed. he doesn't have enough money. i'm in medicine school and have been getting ready for my exams for a month now. every month he and his friends go on a road trip. his car's been sitting in the garage for 3 months now. he asked if he could take my car to take the guys on a road trip since it was his turn to take them. i told him i need the car since i have a weak immune system and public transportation might be risky. and i can't afford to get sick in the middle of my exams. he begged saying his friends are gonna say he ruined the trip and our discussion got nowhere. the trip was last week. i had an exam the day of the trip and left at 8am. i had several things to do. i stopped by the coffee shop to use the internet. i arrived at the university at 8:30 and entered the hall getting ready for my exam. after i finished. i spent few minutes with my friends then i left. i got to the parking lot and my car wasn't there, i started freaking out. thinking i might've left the door open or something. i called my husband but he didn't pick up. my friends immediately told me to call the police. i ended up waiting for them to ask me about what happened. the officer said i needed to come to the station to give my statement. i stayed there for 4 hours then i was told my car was found. my husband was driving it and was picked up an hour away from where we live. i was shocked. and mad. it never occured to me that he was the one who took it. i went home and waited til he got back. he was upset and didn't want to talk about what he did. the argument started after he said he made a copy of the key and didn't take til he made sure i arrived for my exam. i yelled at him and told him it was not okay. he caused me to stress out and worry about the car. he told me calling the police was drastic and shouldn't have gotten them involved but i had no idea he took the car. he said he wanted to text me but forgot. said the trip was ruined and he was embarrassed by being picked up by the police while he was with friends. he still thinks calling the police was over the top reaction but what was i supposed to do. [/INST] nta and dump him. he stole your car, let you worry, and can afford to go on a trip with his friends but not to fix his own car ? you deserve better, hun. go get it. edit : wow thanks for the awards, kind strangers ! also please don't forget to give some strength to op ! </s>
AITA for being openly hostile towards my sister and telling on her thus potentially making her husband loose custody of his children?	i'm not gonna be shy about this. my sister sucks. she is a horrible self slcentered person who thinks she is the main character. she is not only a horrible person, she is a step monster. she married this guy... who is a freaking push over... 3 years ago. he has two children. 10 and 6. my sister constantly complains about them. saying things like the 6 year old is gross because he sips too loud or has stained clothing. for the love of god.... he is 6. that's what a child is supposed to do. and she is so mean to the 10 year old girl. she acts straight out jealous of her. i've caught her taunting her, that daddy loves my sister more than her. she is horrible. i have straight up called her out (after trying to talk to her like a million times) . at christmas she was saying, that i'd be nice to have the kids there and i said "why... you hate them?". this was when everything was almost over and she had been bragging to her friends that her husband had spend more on her than on daughter. a fight ensued. my parents reprimanded me but my cousins took my side and called her out, noting every moment that they had witnessed her being horrible. her husband obviously took her side and said, that she was a wonderful step mother and that the kids love her. to which i said that was a lie, as i had consoled them countless times after they were taunted by my sister. they left and we haven't talked since. one day i was running errands and run into my step nephews who were with their mother. i had never met her... and honestly she is wonderful. we decided to have some coffee. while the kids were playing, she asked me how her children behaved etc. i said they were wonderful and then i just spilled the beans on my sister. how awful she was. what i've heard her say to the kids, the inaction of her ex husband. by the end she was horrified. she said the kids didn't like her. but she always chucked it up to my sister being the new woman in their fathers life. she said the kids never really said anything even when she asked. i then told her iw as very concerned for the children as my sister had straight up told the 10 year old, that it would be better, if she disappeared from her father's life. their mother saw red and asked me if i'd be willing to "testify". she said that this was unacceptable and she would be taking their father to court again. i said i would recount the events that i witnessed and could ask my cousins who witnessed a lot too. she was very grateful. i asked my cousins who were all willing to recount the events. word got arround to my parents and by extention my sister. and they have been calling me the biggest asshole on the planet who would betray family on a whim. am i the asshole?	27,868	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/skkx07/aita_for_being_openly_hostile_towards_my_sister/	2022-02-04 18:43:55	nta - those kids are clearly being abused by your sister, and clearly their wellbeing is being neglected by their father. i'm normally not a fan of people injecting themselves into someone else's relationship, but you're looking out for these children and there's nothing at all wrong with that.	nta. how awful for those poor children. you are absolutely doing the right thing in protecting them from your sister. you should be prepared for your family to take her side, though. imo, if your family is willing to side with her, good riddance. hopefully, you can still have a relationship with the kids and their mother, though! good job.	you're nta. i don't like when people throw around the word narcissist around here, but your sister sounds like a narcissist. to be able to criticize children, and be jealous of their relationship with their father, to tell them he loves her more than them? my mother is a narcissist. one of my earliest memories is her telling my sister and me, after our father had tucked us in and told us he loved us more than anything, that he didn't mean more than her, that he would always love her more. i'll never forget that confusing moment in my young life. that woman did damage to all of her children, that she'll never take responsibility for and that we'll be healing from for the rest of our lives. you offered these kids' mother assistance to stop that from happening to her babies any longer. you did a hard thing, you will probably catch shit from family - but i think you did the right thing.	nta these are children that need to be protected. this is a terrible environment for them. telling the truth is not a betrayal. biggest asshole on the planet would go to your sister for what she says and does to children. second is her husband for failing to defend and protect his children.	the fact that the majority of her bio family is willing to testify against her speaks volumes nta	nta you're those kids superhero tbh.	i'm just imagining the judge when the mother shows up "yes i'm here to sue for full custody and i have my ex's new family-in-law here to testify on my behalf" nta op, way to show up for those kids.	nta. you do what's best for those two kids. f@ck your sister. f@ck her spineless husband. and f@ck your parents if they think her behavior is acceptable.	you are a hero! those kids were terrified to speak up. nta	you are a fabulous person who put the needs of 2 children before a vile person, well done nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm not gonna be shy about this. my sister sucks. she is a horrible self slcentered person who thinks she is the main character. she is not only a horrible person, she is a step monster. she married this guy... who is a freaking push over... 3 years ago. he has two children. 10 and 6. my sister constantly complains about them. saying things like the 6 year old is gross because he sips too loud or has stained clothing. for the love of god.... he is 6. that's what a child is supposed to do. and she is so mean to the 10 year old girl. she acts straight out jealous of her. i've caught her taunting her, that daddy loves my sister more than her. she is horrible. i have straight up called her out (after trying to talk to her like a million times) . at christmas she was saying, that i'd be nice to have the kids there and i said "why... you hate them?". this was when everything was almost over and she had been bragging to her friends that her husband had spend more on her than on daughter. a fight ensued. my parents reprimanded me but my cousins took my side and called her out, noting every moment that they had witnessed her being horrible. her husband obviously took her side and said, that she was a wonderful step mother and that the kids love her. to which i said that was a lie, as i had consoled them countless times after they were taunted by my sister. they left and we haven't talked since. one day i was running errands and run into my step nephews who were with their mother. i had never met her... and honestly she is wonderful. we decided to have some coffee. while the kids were playing, she asked me how her children behaved etc. i said they were wonderful and then i just spilled the beans on my sister. how awful she was. what i've heard her say to the kids, the inaction of her ex husband. by the end she was horrified. she said the kids didn't like her. but she always chucked it up to my sister being the new woman in their fathers life. she said the kids never really said anything even when she asked. i then told her iw as very concerned for the children as my sister had straight up told the 10 year old, that it would be better, if she disappeared from her father's life. their mother saw red and asked me if i'd be willing to "testify". she said that this was unacceptable and she would be taking their father to court again. i said i would recount the events that i witnessed and could ask my cousins who witnessed a lot too. she was very grateful. i asked my cousins who were all willing to recount the events. word got arround to my parents and by extention my sister. and they have been calling me the biggest asshole on the planet who would betray family on a whim. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm not gonna be shy about this. my sister sucks. she is a horrible self slcentered person who thinks she is the main character. she is not only a horrible person, she is a step monster. she married this guy... who is a freaking push over... 3 years ago. he has two children. 10 and 6. my sister constantly complains about them. saying things like the 6 year old is gross because he sips too loud or has stained clothing. for the love of god.... he is 6. that's what a child is supposed to do. and she is so mean to the 10 year old girl. she acts straight out jealous of her. i've caught her taunting her, that daddy loves my sister more than her. she is horrible. i have straight up called her out (after trying to talk to her like a million times) . at christmas she was saying, that i'd be nice to have the kids there and i said "why... you hate them?". this was when everything was almost over and she had been bragging to her friends that her husband had spend more on her than on daughter. a fight ensued. my parents reprimanded me but my cousins took my side and called her out, noting every moment that they had witnessed her being horrible. her husband obviously took her side and said, that she was a wonderful step mother and that the kids love her. to which i said that was a lie, as i had consoled them countless times after they were taunted by my sister. they left and we haven't talked since. one day i was running errands and run into my step nephews who were with their mother. i had never met her... and honestly she is wonderful. we decided to have some coffee. while the kids were playing, she asked me how her children behaved etc. i said they were wonderful and then i just spilled the beans on my sister. how awful she was. what i've heard her say to the kids, the inaction of her ex husband. by the end she was horrified. she said the kids didn't like her. but she always chucked it up to my sister being the new woman in their fathers life. she said the kids never really said anything even when she asked. i then told her iw as very concerned for the children as my sister had straight up told the 10 year old, that it would be better, if she disappeared from her father's life. their mother saw red and asked me if i'd be willing to "testify". she said that this was unacceptable and she would be taking their father to court again. i said i would recount the events that i witnessed and could ask my cousins who witnessed a lot too. she was very grateful. i asked my cousins who were all willing to recount the events. word got arround to my parents and by extention my sister. and they have been calling me the biggest asshole on the planet who would betray family on a whim. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta - those kids are clearly being abused by your sister, and clearly their wellbeing is being neglected by their father. i'm normally not a fan of people injecting themselves into someone else's relationship, but you're looking out for these children and there's nothing at all wrong with that. </s>
AITA for calling the Police on my fiancé?	my fiance (28m) and i (30f) have been together for 3 years, i used to live close to work and used public transportation but after i moved in to his house which is hours away from work i bought myself a car since i'm a nurse and also since there isn't any hospitals close to where we live that i could transfer to. my fiance's car hasn't been working for close to 2 months now, it requires so much money to get it fixed and he refused my fiancial help when i offered it. instead, he would ask to use my car every now and then and i agreed as long as it's when i'm not working and also, since he only uses it for trips to the supermarket etc. on new years eve, he told me he wanted to use my car to go hang out with his friends and celebrate but i declined because i had to cover a night shift and needed my car to travel to work. he insisted and even suggested i take the night off or swap shifts with another nurse but i couldn't do that last minute. i thought he dropped it then but when i went into the shower and got out i couldn't find him nor my car, i freaked out and started calling for half an hour but he didn't answer me, i tried again til one of his friends picked up, i demanded he give the phone to my fiance but he said they were out and confirmed that he took my car and told me that my fiance said that it's better that i skip my shift and he'll be back with my car later. i couldn't take it i felt so enraged i had my fiance on the phone telling him i did not consent for him to take my car to go hang out with friends and said i'd call the police to get it back if he refused to come back with it, but he didn't take me seriously so i ended up calling the police and he and his friends were picked up at the bar where they were hanging out, then were taken to the police department. i got my car from there and still went to my shift, my fiance was let go hours after i left and he blew up my phone with missed calls and texts about how i was out of my mind to call the police on him and put him in this situation. i did not respond but when i got off work the next day we got into an argument and he said he couldn't believe i'd do this to him but i told him he made me do this to which he responded that i was petty and callous because not only did i ruin his new years celebration, but all his friends aren't speaking to him after i put them in this situation as well and he then kept giving me silence about it. i did consider this a form of theft especially since he went behind my back after getting a "no" from me, but he was shocked that i'd even imply that he was a thief and said what's yours is mine and vice versa so i shouldn't be using the terms "theft and stealing".	27,863	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rv11ws/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_fiancé/	2022-01-03 12:52:16	nta. girl why are you with a man who cannot take care of his own basic needs and insists that you call off work so he can go party? he is using you and you can do way better. do not offer financial help to people like this either. he has money to go out with his friends then he has money for a car. eta his friends put themselves in to this situation by getting in to a stolen car. do you really think they weren’t all sitting around laughing at you before this happened?	um. he got you to move far away from public transport and work opportunities into his house, refuses to fix his car so there is now only 1 between you, didn't listen to your no, took your car without permission, endangered your job by forcing you to miss nye shift when there is no way you could get cover, yelled at you when he was in the wrong, didn't defend you to his friends, is now giving you the silent treatment. no you are nta, but your boyfriend is giving off some warning signs that you should look at very closely before marrying him.	nta - please leave him. he’s a thief that belittles your job if he thinks you can call out as a nurse just do he can go out with his friends. what about his friends? don’t they have cars? ps - thank you for being a nurse!	[removed]	this is actually wild. good on you for calling the police. the utter disrespect that man has for you and your career is appalling.	'yours and mine' my ass. that was your car and you needed it for work. he stole it and he knows it. fuck him. nta.	nta!!! not even a little bit. you moved to where he was even though it meant a massive commute for you, for what? his convenience? you let him use your car instead of getting his fixed because he couldn't man up and accept help? how dare you. now this little shit steals your car like a teenager who doesn't understand how being employed works to go out for a rip with his buds?? and tells you "don't worry man, just like, don't go" ????????	nta he does know that hospital staff are front line workers and need to go when the hospitals demand them to. you need to dump him as hes got no respect for you or your work	nta and i can't believe he did this to you. you clearly said no. he broke your boundaries. why is he even driving on nye anyway, he should be ubering or if he's dd then he should be driving his friend's car.	nta, he stole your car. he’s still your fiancé?	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiance (28m) and i (30f) have been together for 3 years, i used to live close to work and used public transportation but after i moved in to his house which is hours away from work i bought myself a car since i'm a nurse and also since there isn't any hospitals close to where we live that i could transfer to. my fiance's car hasn't been working for close to 2 months now, it requires so much money to get it fixed and he refused my fiancial help when i offered it. instead, he would ask to use my car every now and then and i agreed as long as it's when i'm not working and also, since he only uses it for trips to the supermarket etc. on new years eve, he told me he wanted to use my car to go hang out with his friends and celebrate but i declined because i had to cover a night shift and needed my car to travel to work. he insisted and even suggested i take the night off or swap shifts with another nurse but i couldn't do that last minute. i thought he dropped it then but when i went into the shower and got out i couldn't find him nor my car, i freaked out and started calling for half an hour but he didn't answer me, i tried again til one of his friends picked up, i demanded he give the phone to my fiance but he said they were out and confirmed that he took my car and told me that my fiance said that it's better that i skip my shift and he'll be back with my car later. i couldn't take it i felt so enraged i had my fiance on the phone telling him i did not consent for him to take my car to go hang out with friends and said i'd call the police to get it back if he refused to come back with it, but he didn't take me seriously so i ended up calling the police and he and his friends were picked up at the bar where they were hanging out, then were taken to the police department. i got my car from there and still went to my shift, my fiance was let go hours after i left and he blew up my phone with missed calls and texts about how i was out of my mind to call the police on him and put him in this situation. i did not respond but when i got off work the next day we got into an argument and he said he couldn't believe i'd do this to him but i told him he made me do this to which he responded that i was petty and callous because not only did i ruin his new years celebration, but all his friends aren't speaking to him after i put them in this situation as well and he then kept giving me silence about it. i did consider this a form of theft especially since he went behind my back after getting a "no" from me, but he was shocked that i'd even imply that he was a thief and said what's yours is mine and vice versa so i shouldn't be using the terms "theft and stealing".	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my fiance (28m) and i (30f) have been together for 3 years, i used to live close to work and used public transportation but after i moved in to his house which is hours away from work i bought myself a car since i'm a nurse and also since there isn't any hospitals close to where we live that i could transfer to. my fiance's car hasn't been working for close to 2 months now, it requires so much money to get it fixed and he refused my fiancial help when i offered it. instead, he would ask to use my car every now and then and i agreed as long as it's when i'm not working and also, since he only uses it for trips to the supermarket etc. on new years eve, he told me he wanted to use my car to go hang out with his friends and celebrate but i declined because i had to cover a night shift and needed my car to travel to work. he insisted and even suggested i take the night off or swap shifts with another nurse but i couldn't do that last minute. i thought he dropped it then but when i went into the shower and got out i couldn't find him nor my car, i freaked out and started calling for half an hour but he didn't answer me, i tried again til one of his friends picked up, i demanded he give the phone to my fiance but he said they were out and confirmed that he took my car and told me that my fiance said that it's better that i skip my shift and he'll be back with my car later. i couldn't take it i felt so enraged i had my fiance on the phone telling him i did not consent for him to take my car to go hang out with friends and said i'd call the police to get it back if he refused to come back with it, but he didn't take me seriously so i ended up calling the police and he and his friends were picked up at the bar where they were hanging out, then were taken to the police department. i got my car from there and still went to my shift, my fiance was let go hours after i left and he blew up my phone with missed calls and texts about how i was out of my mind to call the police on him and put him in this situation. i did not respond but when i got off work the next day we got into an argument and he said he couldn't believe i'd do this to him but i told him he made me do this to which he responded that i was petty and callous because not only did i ruin his new years celebration, but all his friends aren't speaking to him after i put them in this situation as well and he then kept giving me silence about it. i did consider this a form of theft especially since he went behind my back after getting a "no" from me, but he was shocked that i'd even imply that he was a thief and said what's yours is mine and vice versa so i shouldn't be using the terms "theft and stealing". [/INST] nta. girl why are you with a man who cannot take care of his own basic needs and insists that you call off work so he can go party? he is using you and you can do way better. do not offer financial help to people like this either. he has money to go out with his friends then he has money for a car. eta his friends put themselves in to this situation by getting in to a stolen car. do you really think they weren’t all sitting around laughing at you before this happened? </s>
AITA for walking out after a boss tried to refuse to accept my resignation?	i had a boss who was a real turd. he labored under the delusion he was an excellent boss and couldn’t put together that his behavior and the crappy pay was why he had such a hard time keeping employees. he also thought it was acceptable to call his female employees hun, sweetie, and sugar. he was a condescending asswipe who consistently passed over more qualified women for promotions in favor of promoting less qualified men. i had to stay until i could find a better job because i enjoy eating, and couldn’t afford to leave unless i had something else. i got an interview with a competitor who hired me on making more than i made with him. i turned in my two weeks and he said “oh sweetie, you know you can’t leave.” i said i absolutely am leaving. he got the smuggest look on his face and said “well, i’m not accepting this, sugar. guess you’re here to stay.” i got so furious and decided that was it. i said “well screw this then, i quit. effective immediately.” called my new job, explained what happened in front of him as he sat there slack jawed and agreed start the next day. i packed my stuff and left. a former coworker said it was an asshole thing for me to just up and quit on the spot, but if he refused to accept the resignation he could easily have tried to screw me over when my last day did come. my new boss says he deserved it and i’m not the asshole for quitting like i did. my boyfriend says he can see how other employees might feel like i was an asshole by making them cover my absence, but sees how i’m not the asshole for walking out of that toxic environment. so just because i’m curious, i thought i’d ask here. aita?	27,854	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j5o8e8/aita_for_walking_out_after_a_boss_tried_to_refuse/	2020-10-05 17:53:29	nta. 2 weeks notice is a courtesy that your former boss did not deserve.	nta. the way your former boss responded to your giving notice made my skin crawl. you were right not to accept his condescension and harassment. go enjoy your new, better job.	nta. he can't refuse your resignation.	nta, that's not just disrespectful on his part, that's also sexual harassment. then him telling you since he won't accept it you can't leave, is horribly creepy as well	nta. resigning is not "asking permission" to leave, it's letting them know that you're leaving and what day you will stop turning up. barring the military and certain other rare exceptions you can walk out any time you want, whether he chooses to "accept" it or not. the only time i knew of a boss refusing a resignation was a place i worked where the teenage son of a woman who had worked there for years, and had got him a temporary job over christmas, was caught stealing. she handed in her resignation the next day and the boss told here he wasn't accepting it, no one blamed her or thought any less of her, it was just a stupid teenage thing. she stayed, and happily stayed for years after.	you're nta at all. you tried to do the right thing, he didn't accept it, called you condescending names, and try to deny your autonomy. sleep well knowing you're away from this monster. you did the best thing you could considering the circumstances.	nta. you did what you were supposed to do. you gave him notice and he refused to accept it. were you supposed to continue working there because he said you couldn't quit? everyone who is saying yta is delusional. congrats on your new position!	info: what was his plan? like, he would say no and you would tell the other job "sorry, i'm stuck here." you're 100% nta but damn i am curious.	> “well, i’m not accepting this, sugar. guess you’re here to stay.” employees hate this one trick! nta	nta to me. you tried to do it the "right" way, and he was a jerk about it. so, you did what you had to do.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had a boss who was a real turd. he labored under the delusion he was an excellent boss and couldn’t put together that his behavior and the crappy pay was why he had such a hard time keeping employees. he also thought it was acceptable to call his female employees hun, sweetie, and sugar. he was a condescending asswipe who consistently passed over more qualified women for promotions in favor of promoting less qualified men. i had to stay until i could find a better job because i enjoy eating, and couldn’t afford to leave unless i had something else. i got an interview with a competitor who hired me on making more than i made with him. i turned in my two weeks and he said “oh sweetie, you know you can’t leave.” i said i absolutely am leaving. he got the smuggest look on his face and said “well, i’m not accepting this, sugar. guess you’re here to stay.” i got so furious and decided that was it. i said “well screw this then, i quit. effective immediately.” called my new job, explained what happened in front of him as he sat there slack jawed and agreed start the next day. i packed my stuff and left. a former coworker said it was an asshole thing for me to just up and quit on the spot, but if he refused to accept the resignation he could easily have tried to screw me over when my last day did come. my new boss says he deserved it and i’m not the asshole for quitting like i did. my boyfriend says he can see how other employees might feel like i was an asshole by making them cover my absence, but sees how i’m not the asshole for walking out of that toxic environment. so just because i’m curious, i thought i’d ask here. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i had a boss who was a real turd. he labored under the delusion he was an excellent boss and couldn’t put together that his behavior and the crappy pay was why he had such a hard time keeping employees. he also thought it was acceptable to call his female employees hun, sweetie, and sugar. he was a condescending asswipe who consistently passed over more qualified women for promotions in favor of promoting less qualified men. i had to stay until i could find a better job because i enjoy eating, and couldn’t afford to leave unless i had something else. i got an interview with a competitor who hired me on making more than i made with him. i turned in my two weeks and he said “oh sweetie, you know you can’t leave.” i said i absolutely am leaving. he got the smuggest look on his face and said “well, i’m not accepting this, sugar. guess you’re here to stay.” i got so furious and decided that was it. i said “well screw this then, i quit. effective immediately.” called my new job, explained what happened in front of him as he sat there slack jawed and agreed start the next day. i packed my stuff and left. a former coworker said it was an asshole thing for me to just up and quit on the spot, but if he refused to accept the resignation he could easily have tried to screw me over when my last day did come. my new boss says he deserved it and i’m not the asshole for quitting like i did. my boyfriend says he can see how other employees might feel like i was an asshole by making them cover my absence, but sees how i’m not the asshole for walking out of that toxic environment. so just because i’m curious, i thought i’d ask here. aita? [/INST] nta. 2 weeks notice is a courtesy that your former boss did not deserve. </s>
AITA for not allowing my "disabled" neighbor to park in my driveway and getting her car towed, despite the previous owner allowing it?	i bought a house a few months ago and moved in last month. the previous owner was a friendly old man that could no longer live alone so he decided to sell and move in with his daughter. just to be clear i put disabled in quotation marks because the lady in question is just really really overweight and i am not sure if that counts as disabled. now apparantly he had been allowing use of his driveway to his "disabled" neighbor lady largely because street parking is extremely limited and what little street parking there is, is pretty much instantly occupied. what i am saying is unless you have a driveway you end up having to park a good 5 minute walk away and that's the best case scenario. obviously i was unaware of this so i was surprised to see a large suv parked in my driveway when i moved in. i ended up having to knock on several doors asking who's car it was because the movers could not stand still on the busy road too long. i figured out it was the neighbors car so after a good 10 minutes of knocking an extremely angry enormous lady opened the door. i told her to move the car and she immediatly started arguing that the neighbor said it was fine, i told her he moved out, i moved in and no it is not fine and to move it because the movers need to unload my stuff. she begrudgingly did, i ended up seeing her walking back half an hour later completely wet with sweat. now a few days later i went back to work and lo and behold, the suv is parked in my driveway again. i go over there again, spend 20 minutes knocking on the door before this lady opens the door, agaon, visibly angry. i tell her to move her car, my driveway is not public parking. she protests saying her ankles can't take walking the distance and claims i can easily walk, i tell her that while that might be true, it's my goddamn driveway and i want to park there myself. again she moves her car, again i spot her half an hour later drenched in sweat making her way home. well it happened again a week ago and this time she would not open her door, i got tired of it and had her suv towed. she of course came to my house to scream at me, i told her to get the hell of off my property. a few days later i had a small fence installed with a lock on it to make sure it did not happen again. i have since been getting dirty looks from her and one other neighbor and when i told my mom she told me i should be nicer to people. i do feel sort of bad too, she clearly struggles with the walk after all.	27,853	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j21f5l/aita_for_not_allowing_my_disabled_neighbor_to/	2020-09-29 15:28:42	nta. plain and simple. she should get a handicapped spot designated for her if it really is that much of an issue.	nta. you bought a house with a driveway. it's yours. if she's truly disabled, she can contact the city to have them designate a handicap parking spot. if she had handicap tags, she can use that. otherwise, she's trespassing.	nta: this is your house and your driveway. you asked her several times nicely but she ignored you. her situation is not your fault and not your problem to solve.	[deleted]	nta, but you should know that many disabilities are not visible. she could have any number of issues that make it difficult for her to move around, and you would have zero idea. in addition, even if her disability is just from being fat (which i doubt - usually it's a chicken/egg issue), if she's disabled, she's disabled - it doesn't matter why. you're making this a moral issue when it's not. for instance, if someone loses their legs in an accident, do you want to know how it happened before you decide that it's ok for them to be termed disabled? if they were a drunk driver who killed a family of 3, do they not get a disabled designation? but going back and reading again - it doesn't seem like she claimed to be disabled - that seems to be a label you are using? it's confusing. you can tell her though that she can call the city and tell them she needs disabled parking. they may be able to do something.	nta. this woman is delusional to do it after learning someone else bought the house and wants to use their own driveway. my god the audacity of some people is astounding.	nta. it's your driveway. you told her not to park there (which is absolutely understandable, regardless of her arrangement with the previous owner). she has no right to your driveway. it's sad that she is obviously struggling, but it's not your problem.	esh. she has no right to act entitled to your driveway, and should have politely discussed it with you and tried to figure out a solution. however, you have not seen her medical chart and have no idea that her only health problem is her weight, regardless of what neighbors may have gossiped or what you think you can tell from looking at her. tons of people have invisible illnesses, and being obese does not cancel out those illnesses. in fact, many illnesses often lead to weight gain, like long-term steroid treatment. so she is acting rudely, and you are making assumptions and being ableist. you both suck.	nta. fuck that, fuck her. it’s your driveway. she needa go to the city and get a handicap parking spot sign for the street right in front of her house if it’s really that bad for her. although that won’t help if she’s just fat and not actually deemed handicapped and doesn’t have a handicap placard. but her weight and vehicle are not your problem. she needs to figure it out. also good for you for getting her car towed after you repeatedly told her she can’t park on your property. apparently that’s the only way she was gonna learn. and as for your mom saying be nicer. well, your neighbor wasn’t very nice to you and has zero respect for you, your property, or your wishes. so do you my guy.	nta as you're correct it is your driveway whether she can walk or not. what i would say is, please don't say things like 'shes just really really fat' because although that's all you see, she could also have other ailments that mean she's disabled. please remember that disabilities are not always visible. is it likely she has weight related disabilities? yes! totally. it is also possible she is overweight due to disabilities (it can go both ways, i was on steroids at 20 (under neurology) and they caused me to gain weight despite going to the gym 5 times a week and eating properly. i was taken off those steroids and i eventually lost the weight but i know people who are on steroids for life and they are a difficult medication to work with.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.013095	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i bought a house a few months ago and moved in last month. the previous owner was a friendly old man that could no longer live alone so he decided to sell and move in with his daughter. just to be clear i put disabled in quotation marks because the lady in question is just really really overweight and i am not sure if that counts as disabled. now apparantly he had been allowing use of his driveway to his "disabled" neighbor lady largely because street parking is extremely limited and what little street parking there is, is pretty much instantly occupied. what i am saying is unless you have a driveway you end up having to park a good 5 minute walk away and that's the best case scenario. obviously i was unaware of this so i was surprised to see a large suv parked in my driveway when i moved in. i ended up having to knock on several doors asking who's car it was because the movers could not stand still on the busy road too long. i figured out it was the neighbors car so after a good 10 minutes of knocking an extremely angry enormous lady opened the door. i told her to move the car and she immediatly started arguing that the neighbor said it was fine, i told her he moved out, i moved in and no it is not fine and to move it because the movers need to unload my stuff. she begrudgingly did, i ended up seeing her walking back half an hour later completely wet with sweat. now a few days later i went back to work and lo and behold, the suv is parked in my driveway again. i go over there again, spend 20 minutes knocking on the door before this lady opens the door, agaon, visibly angry. i tell her to move her car, my driveway is not public parking. she protests saying her ankles can't take walking the distance and claims i can easily walk, i tell her that while that might be true, it's my goddamn driveway and i want to park there myself. again she moves her car, again i spot her half an hour later drenched in sweat making her way home. well it happened again a week ago and this time she would not open her door, i got tired of it and had her suv towed. she of course came to my house to scream at me, i told her to get the hell of off my property. a few days later i had a small fence installed with a lock on it to make sure it did not happen again. i have since been getting dirty looks from her and one other neighbor and when i told my mom she told me i should be nicer to people. i do feel sort of bad too, she clearly struggles with the walk after all.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i bought a house a few months ago and moved in last month. the previous owner was a friendly old man that could no longer live alone so he decided to sell and move in with his daughter. just to be clear i put disabled in quotation marks because the lady in question is just really really overweight and i am not sure if that counts as disabled. now apparantly he had been allowing use of his driveway to his "disabled" neighbor lady largely because street parking is extremely limited and what little street parking there is, is pretty much instantly occupied. what i am saying is unless you have a driveway you end up having to park a good 5 minute walk away and that's the best case scenario. obviously i was unaware of this so i was surprised to see a large suv parked in my driveway when i moved in. i ended up having to knock on several doors asking who's car it was because the movers could not stand still on the busy road too long. i figured out it was the neighbors car so after a good 10 minutes of knocking an extremely angry enormous lady opened the door. i told her to move the car and she immediatly started arguing that the neighbor said it was fine, i told her he moved out, i moved in and no it is not fine and to move it because the movers need to unload my stuff. she begrudgingly did, i ended up seeing her walking back half an hour later completely wet with sweat. now a few days later i went back to work and lo and behold, the suv is parked in my driveway again. i go over there again, spend 20 minutes knocking on the door before this lady opens the door, agaon, visibly angry. i tell her to move her car, my driveway is not public parking. she protests saying her ankles can't take walking the distance and claims i can easily walk, i tell her that while that might be true, it's my goddamn driveway and i want to park there myself. again she moves her car, again i spot her half an hour later drenched in sweat making her way home. well it happened again a week ago and this time she would not open her door, i got tired of it and had her suv towed. she of course came to my house to scream at me, i told her to get the hell of off my property. a few days later i had a small fence installed with a lock on it to make sure it did not happen again. i have since been getting dirty looks from her and one other neighbor and when i told my mom she told me i should be nicer to people. i do feel sort of bad too, she clearly struggles with the walk after all. [/INST] nta. plain and simple. she should get a handicapped spot designated for her if it really is that much of an issue. </s>
AITA for keeping the engagement ring and giving up asking to propose (after propose) in front of my parents and in-laws?	my (25f) girlfriend, molly (26f) for the last... 6 months started with a joke that i've already made clear that i don't like. it consists of her saying "no" quickly to anything i ask. i know it sounds silly, but i ask her to get a glass of water for me, she says no and after 1 minute, i'm almost getting up, she says she's joking and gets some water. i ask her to wash the dishes, she says no.... i say i love you, she says no... i ask her to take her clothes, she says no. everything is joking and after 30s/1min, she does it, but she is "addicted" to doing it. i've already made it clear several times that i don't like it, even more so in i love you (she's the only person i can say that, so it's special to me). and there are things that are serious and i need her to answer seriously. and if she says no to everything jokingly, i can't tell when she's saying a real no (it's already happened). i keep saying this is boring and i don't like it, she stops doing it and goes back to doing it after a week. after a brief discussion because she played this prank in front of our friends (me asking "love, can you get me some medicine?" and she with no kidding), she stopped doing it for 1 month. yesterday, we welcomed my parents, in-laws and our 2 best friends to our house. everyone knew that i was going to propose to her and i called them, because we always planned this proposal with our loved ones attending, participating in this special day. i asked her to marry me and she said a quick no and i was so grumpy/panic/upset (everyone looking in shock) for 30s for her to laugh and say she was joking, finally saying yes. i was so embarrassed and…disappointed? i put the ring box back in and said i'd take it out to cool off. i didn't even let her say anything. she kept texting me (no answering calls), saying it was just a joke and that i knew she always did that. she said that i left an difficult situation in the house because it was very clear that i had given up on propose and did in front of my parents and in-laws. she stressed that i was making the situation uncomfortable because of a silly joke. well, i slept in a hotel and i'm still in it. my parents supported me, but my in-laws calling me ah for giving up on proposing, disproportionately humiliating their daughter. i just really think there's time for jokes and that moment wasn't clearly, she knew i didn't like it and decided to do it anyway. aita?	27,815	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wloe2s/aita_for_keeping_the_engagement_ring_and_giving/	2022-08-11 10:48:07	nta why would you sign up for this permanently?	nta your girlfriend just learned a much-needed lesson on why you don’t joke and say no when you mean yes. and you are not making the situation uncomfortable because of a “silly joke” — she is. she knew you don’t like it (and honestly, who would? that would annoy the fuck out of most people) but she did it anyway. what next? is she going to jokingly say no during your ceremony?	nta. out of all the things that are wrong from her side, one that stands out to me the most is that afterward she still puts the blame on you and does not even apologize. if you see that your partner is hurt by something you did (yes, even a joke) any well-adjusted human being would apologize. also, if other people are not laughing, i wouldn't even call it a joke. and you are correct to think that there is time and place for jokes. i can imagine how hurtful and embarrassing it was to hear the ''no'' to your proposal in front of your family. such a dick move.	nta, and this is coming from a family who does it a lot. me and my siblings love to be like "can you grab me a drink when you go past?" with a quick "nope" only to do it anyway with all the variations. the sibling or our mom (who loves to do this with us as well) usually just say "oh, okay!" cause we know the joke. here's the thing, we don't do the joke with our dad. while the rest of us finds it funny, he is quick to feel upset and not understand when our 'no' is joking like you do, so we don't do it. we don't do it because we love and respect him and know it can be quickly upsetting to him, and he loves other pranks/jokes with us so we just find other things to share the fun in with him. i would also like to add we never do it in serious situations or things that need an actual answer or conversation, there are times and places for these things which she is not understanding. this is not about you 'taking it too seriously' or anything else, if she truly loved and respected you, she would stop. it's simple to remember and do as someone who has almost their entire immediate family doing it on a daily basis, who also remember and don't do it for one of them out of love and respect. i have to stress that because that is the huge issue here and she needs to work on what she is willing to compromise on if she ever wants to have a life with you with both of you happy. i wish you the best and i hope she either wakes up and realizes she is completely in the wrong here, or you find someone who is willing to do that for you. nta, you are right and keep your boundary here.	nta. i am sorry this happened to you and i don't think you're overreacting. a joke is a joke only if all involved people are laughing and you made it clear months ago that you didn't find it funny. the first question one should always ask if "why this particular joke", especially if someone claims they cannot stop it. so maybe your girlfriend (not fiancée) should take a look at herself and ask herself that question, especially if she couldn't even manage it in a more serious and emotional situation. i would hold off on proposing until you both get that cleared up (also, since saying "no" to i love you is veeeery strange, it's not even a request by you?)	nta. i'd take no for an answer if i were you.	nta. you have repeatedly told her that you don't enjoy this joke especially in serious or romantic contacts, then when it was time for the most serious and most romantic moment she whips it right out. the only person that was making the situation uncomfortable and humiliating was her. you asked something very clear and direct and she fucked it up hard.	nta. you made yourself clear. she's acting like a child. marriage proposals aren't for children. she may have saved you the cost of a divorce later though.	nta and the in-laws need to step off. you humiliated her? uhm, no. she humiliated you on instinct because apparently she thinks she’s hilarious when she isn’t. i’d be so upset if i were you and honestly i don’t know how you’ve put up with 6 months of no’s as an automatic response. that would really shut me down. rethink your whole relationship op.	nta but why do you plan your life with someone who has been disrespecting a clear and easy boundary you have for 6 months and is now letting your in laws bash you ? i’m not saying live but at least try couple’s counseling before proposing again because i don’t see it getting better. edit typo	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (25f) girlfriend, molly (26f) for the last... 6 months started with a joke that i've already made clear that i don't like. it consists of her saying "no" quickly to anything i ask. i know it sounds silly, but i ask her to get a glass of water for me, she says no and after 1 minute, i'm almost getting up, she says she's joking and gets some water. i ask her to wash the dishes, she says no.... i say i love you, she says no... i ask her to take her clothes, she says no. everything is joking and after 30s/1min, she does it, but she is "addicted" to doing it. i've already made it clear several times that i don't like it, even more so in i love you (she's the only person i can say that, so it's special to me). and there are things that are serious and i need her to answer seriously. and if she says no to everything jokingly, i can't tell when she's saying a real no (it's already happened). i keep saying this is boring and i don't like it, she stops doing it and goes back to doing it after a week. after a brief discussion because she played this prank in front of our friends (me asking "love, can you get me some medicine?" and she with no kidding), she stopped doing it for 1 month. yesterday, we welcomed my parents, in-laws and our 2 best friends to our house. everyone knew that i was going to propose to her and i called them, because we always planned this proposal with our loved ones attending, participating in this special day. i asked her to marry me and she said a quick no and i was so grumpy/panic/upset (everyone looking in shock) for 30s for her to laugh and say she was joking, finally saying yes. i was so embarrassed and…disappointed? i put the ring box back in and said i'd take it out to cool off. i didn't even let her say anything. she kept texting me (no answering calls), saying it was just a joke and that i knew she always did that. she said that i left an difficult situation in the house because it was very clear that i had given up on propose and did in front of my parents and in-laws. she stressed that i was making the situation uncomfortable because of a silly joke. well, i slept in a hotel and i'm still in it. my parents supported me, but my in-laws calling me ah for giving up on proposing, disproportionately humiliating their daughter. i just really think there's time for jokes and that moment wasn't clearly, she knew i didn't like it and decided to do it anyway. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (25f) girlfriend, molly (26f) for the last... 6 months started with a joke that i've already made clear that i don't like. it consists of her saying "no" quickly to anything i ask. i know it sounds silly, but i ask her to get a glass of water for me, she says no and after 1 minute, i'm almost getting up, she says she's joking and gets some water. i ask her to wash the dishes, she says no.... i say i love you, she says no... i ask her to take her clothes, she says no. everything is joking and after 30s/1min, she does it, but she is "addicted" to doing it. i've already made it clear several times that i don't like it, even more so in i love you (she's the only person i can say that, so it's special to me). and there are things that are serious and i need her to answer seriously. and if she says no to everything jokingly, i can't tell when she's saying a real no (it's already happened). i keep saying this is boring and i don't like it, she stops doing it and goes back to doing it after a week. after a brief discussion because she played this prank in front of our friends (me asking "love, can you get me some medicine?" and she with no kidding), she stopped doing it for 1 month. yesterday, we welcomed my parents, in-laws and our 2 best friends to our house. everyone knew that i was going to propose to her and i called them, because we always planned this proposal with our loved ones attending, participating in this special day. i asked her to marry me and she said a quick no and i was so grumpy/panic/upset (everyone looking in shock) for 30s for her to laugh and say she was joking, finally saying yes. i was so embarrassed and…disappointed? i put the ring box back in and said i'd take it out to cool off. i didn't even let her say anything. she kept texting me (no answering calls), saying it was just a joke and that i knew she always did that. she said that i left an difficult situation in the house because it was very clear that i had given up on propose and did in front of my parents and in-laws. she stressed that i was making the situation uncomfortable because of a silly joke. well, i slept in a hotel and i'm still in it. my parents supported me, but my in-laws calling me ah for giving up on proposing, disproportionately humiliating their daughter. i just really think there's time for jokes and that moment wasn't clearly, she knew i didn't like it and decided to do it anyway. aita? [/INST] nta why would you sign up for this permanently? </s>
WIBTA If I posted a video montage online of my neighbor throwing things in my yard?	my mom and i bought a duplex for me to manage and live in during my years in college. bought the house in 2018, i moved in the summer of 2019. we installed a ring video security system, along with a front yard doorbell and backyard video floodlights. when i moved in, there were a ton of branches and limbs by my neighbors fence. that was odd since we only had one medium-sized tree, nearly ten feet from the fence. later that summer, the backyard ring camera caught the neighbor throwing branches over. we realized that that is where the huge pile came from. halloween came around and my roommate and i decided to throw a party on friday, november 1st. we tried to talk to ms. stick thrower, but they were not home during our three attempts. we left a note explaining it, along with our names and numbers. the party was 30+ people coming and going, along with music and a beerpong table in the backyard. cops were (rightfully) called at 11:45pm; we shut it down. the 4th, i was in class and got a front doorbell notification. it was ms. stick thrower pulling up my decorative styrofoam tombstones and throwing them behind my bushes. when i got home i saw that one was broken. my roommate and i decided to call the non-emergency line about this, because obviously she had no respect for us, and this is the south so anyone could have a gun. a cop came out, we showed her everything, and we went to talk to the neighbor. her fiancee opened the door, claimed she was not home despite her car being there. anyways, time went on and i noticed that she came into our backyard via a gate, which was deep in my backyard. this freaked me out, as video showed her smoking and wandering around my backyard. i put a carabiner on the gate to keep her out. end of november, i come home and see these huge limbs flying over the fence. i get out, confront her, we argue, and she claims that she owns two feet of my backyard. she ends the conversation with "do you want to make these next four years a living hell?" called the non-emergency number, and once again she hid from the cops. i found out that she is a professor at my university. i emailed the dean of students, told him everything and provided proof. their resources were useless, and i am beyond fed up. cops say they can't do anything, despite video evidence and four no trespassing signs. i want her to stop. we got a survey done, and she does not own two feet into my backyard. i have edited together a video montage of her throwing limbs, branches, sticks, rocks, and cigarettes together, along with her trespassing in my backyard. wibta if i posted this video online with the caption "university professor's actions"?	27,795	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekglhk/wibta_if_i_posted_a_video_montage_online_of_my/	2020-01-05 18:10:08	nta, but before you post it, see if r/legaladvice has any suggestions for you. they might have tips on how to force the cops or university into action, and posting that video would probably hurt you if there is any other solution. but if legaladvice has nothing for you, i say post that shit all over!	i would talk to a lawyer. they can send a cease and desist type letter and if your neighbor continues, then legal action can continue. no judgement.	nta - contact the city attorney via email explaining the issue and numerous complaints. send to the local news station, paper and university paper about local professor bullying students. post to next door if they don’t pick it up. include that you’ve asked police and city attorney for assistance and they haven’t done anything. next have your parents call the university about how this professor is harassing the tenants aka son and roommates. the city attorney might listen from the landowner about damage to property. find out if she rents or owns the property. if she rents have your parents call and complain about the damage and that they will hold them liable. also reach out to your city council member (landowners) that they are concerned about the damage to property, threat to tenants and her vandalism is this ‘really someone who should be shaping young minds’. but really her behavior is odd. i’m not sure if she resents that students are living next to her or that your parents bought the house for you. who knows that might have been the one she wanted and is furious college students get to live in it. but they doesn’t matter her behavior is outside the norm.	nta. send it to your local news channel. call them and say you have a story.	nta. i don't see what state you are in, but in many places what you could do is send her a "trespass notice" informing her that she is not welcome on your property and if she enters your property again you will jave her arrested for trespass. that might or might not prompt the police to arrest her later if she returns. if the police still don't do anything, you can sue her for trespass and/or nuisance and request an injunction and/or money damages. but posting the video is probably legal, she wouldn't have an expectation of privacy in your backyard. i'm assuming it's without audio, if there's audio of her talking there may be other state laws at play.	nta, shame her ass	nta, you should tag her and the university. not sure it will help anything, but go for it.	nta post the video link here please	nta, but when you post the video on youtube, also post it to r/imatotalpieceofshit or r/mildlyinfuriating so that we can enjoy it	[removed]	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom and i bought a duplex for me to manage and live in during my years in college. bought the house in 2018, i moved in the summer of 2019. we installed a ring video security system, along with a front yard doorbell and backyard video floodlights. when i moved in, there were a ton of branches and limbs by my neighbors fence. that was odd since we only had one medium-sized tree, nearly ten feet from the fence. later that summer, the backyard ring camera caught the neighbor throwing branches over. we realized that that is where the huge pile came from. halloween came around and my roommate and i decided to throw a party on friday, november 1st. we tried to talk to ms. stick thrower, but they were not home during our three attempts. we left a note explaining it, along with our names and numbers. the party was 30+ people coming and going, along with music and a beerpong table in the backyard. cops were (rightfully) called at 11:45pm; we shut it down. the 4th, i was in class and got a front doorbell notification. it was ms. stick thrower pulling up my decorative styrofoam tombstones and throwing them behind my bushes. when i got home i saw that one was broken. my roommate and i decided to call the non-emergency line about this, because obviously she had no respect for us, and this is the south so anyone could have a gun. a cop came out, we showed her everything, and we went to talk to the neighbor. her fiancee opened the door, claimed she was not home despite her car being there. anyways, time went on and i noticed that she came into our backyard via a gate, which was deep in my backyard. this freaked me out, as video showed her smoking and wandering around my backyard. i put a carabiner on the gate to keep her out. end of november, i come home and see these huge limbs flying over the fence. i get out, confront her, we argue, and she claims that she owns two feet of my backyard. she ends the conversation with "do you want to make these next four years a living hell?" called the non-emergency number, and once again she hid from the cops. i found out that she is a professor at my university. i emailed the dean of students, told him everything and provided proof. their resources were useless, and i am beyond fed up. cops say they can't do anything, despite video evidence and four no trespassing signs. i want her to stop. we got a survey done, and she does not own two feet into my backyard. i have edited together a video montage of her throwing limbs, branches, sticks, rocks, and cigarettes together, along with her trespassing in my backyard. wibta if i posted this video online with the caption "university professor's actions"?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my mom and i bought a duplex for me to manage and live in during my years in college. bought the house in 2018, i moved in the summer of 2019. we installed a ring video security system, along with a front yard doorbell and backyard video floodlights. when i moved in, there were a ton of branches and limbs by my neighbors fence. that was odd since we only had one medium-sized tree, nearly ten feet from the fence. later that summer, the backyard ring camera caught the neighbor throwing branches over. we realized that that is where the huge pile came from. halloween came around and my roommate and i decided to throw a party on friday, november 1st. we tried to talk to ms. stick thrower, but they were not home during our three attempts. we left a note explaining it, along with our names and numbers. the party was 30+ people coming and going, along with music and a beerpong table in the backyard. cops were (rightfully) called at 11:45pm; we shut it down. the 4th, i was in class and got a front doorbell notification. it was ms. stick thrower pulling up my decorative styrofoam tombstones and throwing them behind my bushes. when i got home i saw that one was broken. my roommate and i decided to call the non-emergency line about this, because obviously she had no respect for us, and this is the south so anyone could have a gun. a cop came out, we showed her everything, and we went to talk to the neighbor. her fiancee opened the door, claimed she was not home despite her car being there. anyways, time went on and i noticed that she came into our backyard via a gate, which was deep in my backyard. this freaked me out, as video showed her smoking and wandering around my backyard. i put a carabiner on the gate to keep her out. end of november, i come home and see these huge limbs flying over the fence. i get out, confront her, we argue, and she claims that she owns two feet of my backyard. she ends the conversation with "do you want to make these next four years a living hell?" called the non-emergency number, and once again she hid from the cops. i found out that she is a professor at my university. i emailed the dean of students, told him everything and provided proof. their resources were useless, and i am beyond fed up. cops say they can't do anything, despite video evidence and four no trespassing signs. i want her to stop. we got a survey done, and she does not own two feet into my backyard. i have edited together a video montage of her throwing limbs, branches, sticks, rocks, and cigarettes together, along with her trespassing in my backyard. wibta if i posted this video online with the caption "university professor's actions"? [/INST] nta, but before you post it, see if r/legaladvice has any suggestions for you. they might have tips on how to force the cops or university into action, and posting that video would probably hurt you if there is any other solution. but if legaladvice has nothing for you, i say post that shit all over! </s>
AITA for calling the police on my fiance?	last night my (35m) fiance (38f) left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. she implied she'd be home before 9. she left at around 7:45. 10:15 rolled around and she still wasn't home. i texted and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over (maybe 30 minutes away) and she was coming home now. 11:45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so i called her to no answer. texted her to no response. i was getting very upset 12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. i was extremely angry. 1:30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. not answering my calls and texts not read. around 1:45 i called the police. i have always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so i didnt want to delay. i asked them to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her car, and the operator told me that they would put out the word and send some cops to check along the route she would travel. i called all the hospitals in the area to check if she has been checked in and i waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because i didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because i was sick with worry. at 7:00am she came home. she apologized for being out and said she had no excuse. she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. when she did that, she found that her brand new phone had stopped working. she says she napped anyway because it was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7am to bring the kids to school and get to work on time. i immediately called the police and told them that she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching, which they did. my fjance brought the kids to school and left for work. i set out to start cleaning (cleaning destresses me sometimes), and i got a call from a policeman asking where she worked. i told him, and asked why, and i was informed that it was their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person is found. i asked them to not go by her work but to give her a call instead. he said he couldn't promise. my fiance is relatively new to her job. a police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. she is now enraged at me for calling the police and 'sending a cop to her work' and making her look bad. she is saying i overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that i was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. she is saying that she is never going to leave the house again except for work, because she is afraid i'm going to call the cops on her again. so did i overreact? should i have waited two days like she suggests?	27,772	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1h40p/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_fiance/	2022-10-11 18:54:51	nta...but you know she's lying, right?	an actual portrayal of that evening - somewhere, in a bed around 2 towns over from op’s house: 12am him - ‘babe, don’t go, just stay the night once. say you fell asleep in the car on a 30 minute drive. let’s turn off the phone and go to sleep’ her “hey why not. but make sure you set your alarm for 6am, so i can get back to take the kids to school.”	nta - i don't believe her story one bit. driving a kid home and disappearing for the entire night is a massive red flag. how does she not even know where he lives when she started the drive? how old is this kid? pulling over and sleeping on the side of a road for a 30-minute drive is nuts. she is now turning this around to say she is the victim of your actions.	i think your fiancé is getting railed two towns over my guy	nta but you know that isn't the truth, right?	nta. she said she was on her way home at 10:15 pm and then disappeared until 7 am. of course you were going to call the police and have them go looking for her. if she’d been in an accident or worse, she would’ve been dead if you’d waited two days to call. that being said, she’s definitely lying about what happened. it honestly sounds more like she fell asleep at her affair partner’s place and concocted that bogus excuse to cover her ass.	nta. something is up. that excuse doesn't fly. it just doesn't make sense that she'd sleep all night in her car to avoid a 30-minute drive home. i don't blame you for calling the cops, and her reaction is out of line. i think she's hiding something. if her friend's son was 30 minutes away then she should have been back by 9. i'm 95% sure she's lying to you about where she was. sorry to be the bearer of bad news here.	nta. but even if that phone was dropped in a toilet... it was working when she got home..... it is policy for them to check in person because they have to see that the person is alive and well, because anyone could make a phone call and say it. but dude. thirty minutes away, stops to sleep on the side? if you reported her missing her car would also be noted. if she was on the side sleeping somewhere, wouldn't they have seen the car and well woken her up? her story reeks. don't fall for it dude. she's still only a fiance. don't make her a wife before this is cleared up with legitimate reasons. because none of hers seem right.	the amount of time is off, getting and sleeping in the car. we aren't talking about hours long of a drive, just the town over. maybe an hour tops. if she was so tired she could have stayed with her friend, not drive to some random area in between to sleep until 7am. on a secluded area the car wasn't seen by police actively looking for it. sleeping in a car is not comfortable either, or safe. i woke regularly every few hours. after the first nap, at least driving home and make it to the bed where she knows her fiance is worried. she's lying and she's not a good liar either. at least keep it simple. phone doesn't work because of a puddle, but it hasn't rained in weeks. oh, it was the toilet. why is the phone working now? phone ran out of charge, must have not charged it fully before the day started, happens all the time, and the car charger didn't work. that's a cheaper and easier replacement.	info so you actually believe the story your fiance is selling you? look man...your fiance cheated on you. she didn't fall asleep on the side of the road. her brand new phone didn't stop working she was with someone else stop being so naive	NTA	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	INFO	0.007141	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last night my (35m) fiance (38f) left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. she implied she'd be home before 9. she left at around 7:45. 10:15 rolled around and she still wasn't home. i texted and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over (maybe 30 minutes away) and she was coming home now. 11:45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so i called her to no answer. texted her to no response. i was getting very upset 12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. i was extremely angry. 1:30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. not answering my calls and texts not read. around 1:45 i called the police. i have always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so i didnt want to delay. i asked them to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her car, and the operator told me that they would put out the word and send some cops to check along the route she would travel. i called all the hospitals in the area to check if she has been checked in and i waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because i didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because i was sick with worry. at 7:00am she came home. she apologized for being out and said she had no excuse. she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. when she did that, she found that her brand new phone had stopped working. she says she napped anyway because it was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7am to bring the kids to school and get to work on time. i immediately called the police and told them that she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching, which they did. my fjance brought the kids to school and left for work. i set out to start cleaning (cleaning destresses me sometimes), and i got a call from a policeman asking where she worked. i told him, and asked why, and i was informed that it was their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person is found. i asked them to not go by her work but to give her a call instead. he said he couldn't promise. my fiance is relatively new to her job. a police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. she is now enraged at me for calling the police and 'sending a cop to her work' and making her look bad. she is saying i overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that i was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. she is saying that she is never going to leave the house again except for work, because she is afraid i'm going to call the cops on her again. so did i overreact? should i have waited two days like she suggests?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> last night my (35m) fiance (38f) left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. she implied she'd be home before 9. she left at around 7:45. 10:15 rolled around and she still wasn't home. i texted and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over (maybe 30 minutes away) and she was coming home now. 11:45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so i called her to no answer. texted her to no response. i was getting very upset 12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. i was extremely angry. 1:30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. not answering my calls and texts not read. around 1:45 i called the police. i have always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so i didnt want to delay. i asked them to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her car, and the operator told me that they would put out the word and send some cops to check along the route she would travel. i called all the hospitals in the area to check if she has been checked in and i waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because i didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because i was sick with worry. at 7:00am she came home. she apologized for being out and said she had no excuse. she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. when she did that, she found that her brand new phone had stopped working. she says she napped anyway because it was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7am to bring the kids to school and get to work on time. i immediately called the police and told them that she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching, which they did. my fjance brought the kids to school and left for work. i set out to start cleaning (cleaning destresses me sometimes), and i got a call from a policeman asking where she worked. i told him, and asked why, and i was informed that it was their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person is found. i asked them to not go by her work but to give her a call instead. he said he couldn't promise. my fiance is relatively new to her job. a police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. she is now enraged at me for calling the police and 'sending a cop to her work' and making her look bad. she is saying i overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that i was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. she is saying that she is never going to leave the house again except for work, because she is afraid i'm going to call the cops on her again. so did i overreact? should i have waited two days like she suggests? [/INST] nta...but you know she's lying, right? </s>
AITA for giving away my grandparents’ gift intended for my fiancé	every year, my grandparents give $300 to their single grandchildren and $500 to their married grandchildren, along with a note that says “to share with your spouse”. when opening up our gifts this year, i noticed my cousin, who had recently married his gay boyfriend, only received $300 while my fiancé and i received $500. i handed two hundreds from my envelope to my cousin in front of everyone, which caused quite the scene. my family is very religious and refuse to accept gay marriage as legitimate. they refuse to acknowledge his husband as a member of our family and tell him he is going to hell unless he changes his lifestyle. i defended my decision by saying, “we’re not married yet, and they are. i think there’s been a mistake”. conversations quickly devolved, resulting in both my cousin and i leaving shortly after. my family insights it was not my money to give and my actions disrespected both my grandparents and my fiancé. my fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and i rejected her in front of everyone. aita?	27,708	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/klazu5/aita_for_giving_away_my_grandparents_gift/	2020-12-27 20:38:36	nta. your silence and acceptance of the money would have been complicit in your grandparent's homophobia. good for you. your fiancée needs to see the bigger picture.	nta. the money was a gift so it was yours to do whatever you wanted with. you made a point to your family and stuck up for your cousin’s relationship. good for you. maybe have a word with your fiancé to reiterate it wasn’t a message for her.	nta- you framed it perfectly for making it fit into their gifting rules. they're just mad that you called out their bigotry. keep up the good work!	nta - your family sucks...anyways you can just give 250 to your fiance and say that you gave money from your half to your cousin	info: did the resulting situation and early departure upset your cousin? would he have preferred to fly under the radar and enjoy the festivities and deal with it later? if the answer to the question is “no, it did not bother him.” then nta. that $500 was your money, to do whatever you want with. you can give it away, you can make a paper fan out of it, you can practice origami, you can spend it on anything. it was yours. and your family sounds like a bunch of bigots.	nta. you didn't reject your fiancée in front of everyone because, according to the note they said "share with your spouse." you don't have one yet. once you opened that envelop it became your money.	i don't think you're ta for giving your gift away. it was your money to do with what you want. i think you did an incredibly generous thing. also how you said "you think there's been a mistake" was a really nonconfrontational way to address the intended slight against your cousin and open dialogue. it really sucks your fiance felt disrespected or hurt. i can see how she would feel awkward when trying to fit in with your fam. i feel for her. at the same time, if i were the fiance i would feel proud of you for defending your cousin who was obviously slighted. i know those were two opposing statements. i don't think you could have seen that unintended consequence of giving your gift to your cousin. so in that situation i don't feel like you're ta. i'm really proud of you for doing a generous thing. it wasn't the easy thing, you did it anyway. side note, damn what the hell is gram and gramps doing that they can give 300 and 500 to their grandkids?!?!	nta, you are the 1 true ally your cousin has and i guarantee you, he will remember that act for decades to come. info: how the hell does your fiancé think your action was a rejection of her? rules are pretty clear: married couples get the $500. you not only aren’t married (yet), but you were also protecting your cousin and his husband from bigoted people. she should be backing your efforts, not disagreeing with them.	>my fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and i rejected her in front of everyone. ummmmmmmmm, you didn't reject her, you correctly stated you weren't married yet, and stood up for your cousin at the same time. i'd have some concerns about her feeling hurt in this situation, i'd be proud of you if it were me in her shoes. nta, but i think you're not getting cash from grandma anymore. maybe you can celebrate the holidays with cousin and spouse?	nta, once you give a gift, it doesn't belong to you anymore, so it was your money to dispense as you please. it's pretty obvious why you chose to dispense it that way, it sounds like your fiancee is scraping the barrel for a reason it make it about her and not your family's homophobia.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: every year, my grandparents give $300 to their single grandchildren and $500 to their married grandchildren, along with a note that says “to share with your spouse”. when opening up our gifts this year, i noticed my cousin, who had recently married his gay boyfriend, only received $300 while my fiancé and i received $500. i handed two hundreds from my envelope to my cousin in front of everyone, which caused quite the scene. my family is very religious and refuse to accept gay marriage as legitimate. they refuse to acknowledge his husband as a member of our family and tell him he is going to hell unless he changes his lifestyle. i defended my decision by saying, “we’re not married yet, and they are. i think there’s been a mistake”. conversations quickly devolved, resulting in both my cousin and i leaving shortly after. my family insights it was not my money to give and my actions disrespected both my grandparents and my fiancé. my fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and i rejected her in front of everyone. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> every year, my grandparents give $300 to their single grandchildren and $500 to their married grandchildren, along with a note that says “to share with your spouse”. when opening up our gifts this year, i noticed my cousin, who had recently married his gay boyfriend, only received $300 while my fiancé and i received $500. i handed two hundreds from my envelope to my cousin in front of everyone, which caused quite the scene. my family is very religious and refuse to accept gay marriage as legitimate. they refuse to acknowledge his husband as a member of our family and tell him he is going to hell unless he changes his lifestyle. i defended my decision by saying, “we’re not married yet, and they are. i think there’s been a mistake”. conversations quickly devolved, resulting in both my cousin and i leaving shortly after. my family insights it was not my money to give and my actions disrespected both my grandparents and my fiancé. my fiancé feels my family was welcoming her, and i rejected her in front of everyone. aita? [/INST] nta. your silence and acceptance of the money would have been complicit in your grandparent's homophobia. good for you. your fiancée needs to see the bigger picture. </s>
AITA for calling my body-positive co-worker "unhealthy, deluded, and bitter" after some rude comments she made about me?	i'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. i mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. she embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. personally, i have nothing against this at all. i am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. however, i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors. however, despite being a "supporter," anna regularly comments on my body type. for example, i always bring food for my shifts since i personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). anna will often say things like, "you should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "you look skinnier than last week. i told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." she'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if i was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that i look "way too skinny to be healthy." one time i was changing into my work shirt in the back and anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." i have no idea what that even means but i doubt it was a compliment. these hypocritical comments have pissed me off. i enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and i enjoy working out and staying toned. anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. i don't think this is healthy. finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy i kinda like came in to get some food and i was super excited to see him. he turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. oh well. anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "maybe he's into curvier girls." i basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. i asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. then i told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (i called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit. she called me insecure and told me i was being a rude bitch. it was reaching the end of our shift so i clocked out early and left so i didn't have to argue with her more. i was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. she said that i was right and all but that i was insensitive in the way i brought it up and suggested that i apologize. i'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well.	27,612	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d31cjt/aita_for_calling_my_bodypositive_coworker/	2019-09-12 02:29:22	nta for someone who's supposed to be body-positive, she's real selective about what bodies get to have positivity. if she didn't want shit thrown back at her about her body, maybe she shouldn't have badgered you about yours.	nta, i was expecting this to be an everyone sucks situation, but she really crossed the line many many times before you said anything. she deserves it.	very close, but nta. she pushed and pushed and pushed until you snapped. while your comments were harsh, i think she did enough to deserve them.	i'm going to go with a soft esh -- but her way more than you. she was being consistently mean for a long time, and i understand why you just got to a tipping point. and the comment when the boy left was way out of line and just plain mean. calling her out on her hypocrisy was fair. calling her out on her eating habits, workouts (or lack thereof) and body was not. she was mean to you, and you got fed up and were mean back. even if i get why, and she was way worse, you still weren't nice.	nta. weight is one of those things you leave alone. people are well aware of their weight. it's completely rude and inappropriate to bring it up. and if she's gonna dish it out she needs to learn to also suck it up when it comes her way. also commenting on your face plant trying fir that guy? super tacky and rude. i've argued with my mom about this for years, she keeps bringing up my sisters weight and i keep telling her to mind her own business. she likes to try and frame it as being concerned, but i've told her multiple times it's not her body, it's none of her business and to only talk about it when my sister brings it up. and yet my mom still starts fights about it. tldr - no one besides a certified doctor is entitled to comment on someone's weight.	esh. obviously her behavior toward you has been repeatedly inappropriate. but you waited and waited and then finally blew up at her. you should have been honest with her a long time ago and nipped this situation in the bud by simply saying, “i’m not comfortable with you remarking on how my body looks. don’t do it any more.”	why do i feel like i read this scenario before? maybe it's just me but there are a lot of these "overweight person said something mean so i called them fat"-posts out there.	esh she's out of line for her comments, but you lost the high ground when you shamed her for her eating habits etc. "i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors." other people's lifestyles are none of your business. this kind of attitude does nothing to steer anyone toward a healthy lifestyle, it just makes those who fail to live up to your standards feel worse.	nta. ‘body positivity’ =\= ‘real women have curves.’ real women come in many different types. a little bit ta for shaming her back, but people say cruel shit when they’re arguing like that.	nta, i'm all for body positivity and i understand skinny people have it "easier" than others, but i'm also tired of people thinking they can insult the hell out of me until it's borderline abusive, but it's okay because i'm thin. fuck that. you're justified.	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	ESH	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.176777	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. i mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. she embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. personally, i have nothing against this at all. i am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. however, i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors. however, despite being a "supporter," anna regularly comments on my body type. for example, i always bring food for my shifts since i personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). anna will often say things like, "you should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "you look skinnier than last week. i told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." she'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if i was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that i look "way too skinny to be healthy." one time i was changing into my work shirt in the back and anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." i have no idea what that even means but i doubt it was a compliment. these hypocritical comments have pissed me off. i enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and i enjoy working out and staying toned. anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. i don't think this is healthy. finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy i kinda like came in to get some food and i was super excited to see him. he turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. oh well. anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "maybe he's into curvier girls." i basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. i asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. then i told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (i called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit. she called me insecure and told me i was being a rude bitch. it was reaching the end of our shift so i clocked out early and left so i didn't have to argue with her more. i was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. she said that i was right and all but that i was insensitive in the way i brought it up and suggested that i apologize. i'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. i mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. she embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. personally, i have nothing against this at all. i am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. however, i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors. however, despite being a "supporter," anna regularly comments on my body type. for example, i always bring food for my shifts since i personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). anna will often say things like, "you should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "you look skinnier than last week. i told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." she'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if i was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that i look "way too skinny to be healthy." one time i was changing into my work shirt in the back and anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." i have no idea what that even means but i doubt it was a compliment. these hypocritical comments have pissed me off. i enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and i enjoy working out and staying toned. anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. i don't think this is healthy. finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy i kinda like came in to get some food and i was super excited to see him. he turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. oh well. anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "maybe he's into curvier girls." i basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. i asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. then i told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (i called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit. she called me insecure and told me i was being a rude bitch. it was reaching the end of our shift so i clocked out early and left so i didn't have to argue with her more. i was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. she said that i was right and all but that i was insensitive in the way i brought it up and suggested that i apologize. i'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well. [/INST] nta for someone who's supposed to be body-positive, she's real selective about what bodies get to have positivity. if she didn't want shit thrown back at her about her body, maybe she shouldn't have badgered you about yours. </s>
AITA for telling my brother that his crush dislikes him because he’s an asshole, not because he’s “too smart”?	so i have a younger brother (13) who is a child prodigy. i won’t give too many details but he’s well known in the academic circles of our country and attends an institute of higher education. naturally people are impressed with his intelligence and he’s quite popular and makes friends easily. our parents dote on him and have never told him “no”. as a result he has become very arrogant, condescending and disrespectful to people he deems below him...that’s just about everyone. lately he’s been openly talking about a girl he’s crushing on and much to his dismay she’s quite unimpressed with him. he often complains to my parents and i about his failed attempts to befriend her. i understand why she dislikes him. on one occasion he invited her over for a school project and i overheard their interaction. he was constantly talking over her, dismissing her ideas and even calling them stupid. 99% of the time he was talking about himself and his accomplishments, being in news articles, his future plans are etc. the poor girl obviously seemed uncomfortable. he quizzed her about her career aspirations and when she answered he proceeded to point out it’s a bad career path. today he was once again complaining about her and said that she’s obviously intimidated by his superior intellect. he claimed that all girls only like “stupid guys” and that “women are emotional”. sadly my parents agreed and kept assuring him that this girl is obviously uncomfortable with the fact he’s so accomplished and awesome. after hearing this nonsense many times, i finally told him that his crush dislikes him because he behaves like an obnoxious, know-it-all asshole. i explained that he’d probably have a chance if he showed some modesty instead of talking down on this girl so much. so my parents obviously think i’m an asshole for saying this. they said that it was horrible of me to say this to a 13 year old and that he’s just a child. i told them that he needs to realise that his personality is becoming a problem and that his crush dislikes him because he’s an ah, not because he’s “too smart”. aita?	27,602	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m3wkmq/aita_for_telling_my_brother_that_his_crush/	2021-03-13 01:54:09	nta- you actually are doing him a favor for him to learn this lesson now. your parent's are setting him up for failure. regardless of intelligence and ability, a huge part of success is also likeability and the ability to get along with others. i have seen several brilliant people get nowhere because of their complete lack of emotional intelligence.	this reminds me of a scene in “the social network”: “you are probably going to be a very successful computer person. but you're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. and i want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. it'll be because you're an asshole.” nta. sometimes the truth hurts.	nta. your parents are most at fault, however. they're raising a narcissistic monster. they need to teach him manners before it's too late.	he's on the path of becoming an incel if he starts blaming the woman/ lying about rejection. nta best he's told like it is because if it progresses his mindset on the whole thing will get more damaging	nta, please continue giving your brother a dose of reality since your parents seem to be determined to raise him into an incel.	nta, your brother is old enough for some tough love. and although your parents could stand to be more firm with your brother, this advice is probably more effective coming from you.	absolutely nta. the kid needed to hear that. yeah, he's young, but coddling him will do no good. hopefully he'll grow out of it and will thank you for your honesty.	nta. maybe sit him down and go through what you heard when she was over? explain what social cues he missed? would that help him?	nta - your brother is and your parents are bigger ones. you brothers behaviour is such an asshole more, he is turning into one the guys that complains he never can get girls because they are all below him or slurs or whatever just because they don't like his personality or find him attractive. glad you are trying to put a stop to it now because lord knows he will not have a good life like that, it'll be harder to hear when he is older & set in his ways. your parents are bigger assholes because the coddling (agreeing he is too smart for the girl), is what's turning him into one of those guys. instead of trying to make him modest or teach him that girls can just say no because they mean no. lord (no religious anymore but going to pray to the lord here), let them stop because if they carry on, they could create a real monster! if he doesn't learn no is a no just because and not because you are too smart or whatever, he could develop some messed up behaviors. good on you and although you may get called an ass, don't let your brother turn into one of those people. even though it's not your job, your parents are failing him	nta - hopefully one day when his personal life is crumbling around him or nil and void he'll remember what you said and seek you out. if you can find other opportunities to sneak that shit in during non-dramatic moments or in positive ways, keep doing it. you're his only hope by the sound of it lol	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i have a younger brother (13) who is a child prodigy. i won’t give too many details but he’s well known in the academic circles of our country and attends an institute of higher education. naturally people are impressed with his intelligence and he’s quite popular and makes friends easily. our parents dote on him and have never told him “no”. as a result he has become very arrogant, condescending and disrespectful to people he deems below him...that’s just about everyone. lately he’s been openly talking about a girl he’s crushing on and much to his dismay she’s quite unimpressed with him. he often complains to my parents and i about his failed attempts to befriend her. i understand why she dislikes him. on one occasion he invited her over for a school project and i overheard their interaction. he was constantly talking over her, dismissing her ideas and even calling them stupid. 99% of the time he was talking about himself and his accomplishments, being in news articles, his future plans are etc. the poor girl obviously seemed uncomfortable. he quizzed her about her career aspirations and when she answered he proceeded to point out it’s a bad career path. today he was once again complaining about her and said that she’s obviously intimidated by his superior intellect. he claimed that all girls only like “stupid guys” and that “women are emotional”. sadly my parents agreed and kept assuring him that this girl is obviously uncomfortable with the fact he’s so accomplished and awesome. after hearing this nonsense many times, i finally told him that his crush dislikes him because he behaves like an obnoxious, know-it-all asshole. i explained that he’d probably have a chance if he showed some modesty instead of talking down on this girl so much. so my parents obviously think i’m an asshole for saying this. they said that it was horrible of me to say this to a 13 year old and that he’s just a child. i told them that he needs to realise that his personality is becoming a problem and that his crush dislikes him because he’s an ah, not because he’s “too smart”. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i have a younger brother (13) who is a child prodigy. i won’t give too many details but he’s well known in the academic circles of our country and attends an institute of higher education. naturally people are impressed with his intelligence and he’s quite popular and makes friends easily. our parents dote on him and have never told him “no”. as a result he has become very arrogant, condescending and disrespectful to people he deems below him...that’s just about everyone. lately he’s been openly talking about a girl he’s crushing on and much to his dismay she’s quite unimpressed with him. he often complains to my parents and i about his failed attempts to befriend her. i understand why she dislikes him. on one occasion he invited her over for a school project and i overheard their interaction. he was constantly talking over her, dismissing her ideas and even calling them stupid. 99% of the time he was talking about himself and his accomplishments, being in news articles, his future plans are etc. the poor girl obviously seemed uncomfortable. he quizzed her about her career aspirations and when she answered he proceeded to point out it’s a bad career path. today he was once again complaining about her and said that she’s obviously intimidated by his superior intellect. he claimed that all girls only like “stupid guys” and that “women are emotional”. sadly my parents agreed and kept assuring him that this girl is obviously uncomfortable with the fact he’s so accomplished and awesome. after hearing this nonsense many times, i finally told him that his crush dislikes him because he behaves like an obnoxious, know-it-all asshole. i explained that he’d probably have a chance if he showed some modesty instead of talking down on this girl so much. so my parents obviously think i’m an asshole for saying this. they said that it was horrible of me to say this to a 13 year old and that he’s just a child. i told them that he needs to realise that his personality is becoming a problem and that his crush dislikes him because he’s an ah, not because he’s “too smart”. aita? [/INST] nta- you actually are doing him a favor for him to learn this lesson now. your parent's are setting him up for failure. regardless of intelligence and ability, a huge part of success is also likeability and the ability to get along with others. i have seen several brilliant people get nowhere because of their complete lack of emotional intelligence. </s>
AITA for going no-contact with my parents after learning they had lied to me about my allergies all my life?	hey everyone. i am 19 years old and my parents are in their 50s. for as long as i can remember, i have been allergic to several things: * dairy * wheat/flour/gluten * legumes since i was a young child, my parents have completely kept all of them out of our house. while other kids ate breakfast cereals, i ate fish and assorted pickled vegetables for breakfast. while other kids had lunchables, i had grilled chicken or fish with, again, assorted vegetables (usually sweet potatoes). while other kids ate birthday cake at the birthday party, i had an apple. i never questioned this until a couple of months ago. i was at my aunt's house for my birthday party, and she made brownies for everyone. for me, she took great steps to make them with almond flour and avoided all of my allergies. i started eating them and thought little of it until my aunt suddenly looked at me and, in a panicked way, asked which plate i took the brownies from. i pointed from the one where i got my brownies, and she immediately stood up and told me we had to get my epipen. she raced to ask my mother for it, and i sat there scared out of my mind because i had never mistakenly eaten flour before. i noticed my mother had calmed her down, and then she said that we don't have to worry because she had switched the plates of brownies, and after all i had eaten the ones made with almond flour. i found this incredibly odd because, really, why would she swap the plates? that doesn't even make sense. but for the time being i let the issue rest. it didn't sit well with me for about a week and i finally went to get an allergy test. the doctor started with a skin prick test, and lo and behold, i didn't react to any of the above substances. then he ordered a blood test, and when the results came in, they said that i had absolutely no intolerance to any of the foods i'm supposed to be allergic to. i was furious and called my mother. she eventually admitted that she lied to me because she wanted me to be on a paleolithic diet, and wanted me to be able to avoid all temptations. she raised me with a lie about her own health, but she keeps insisting that i try to see it from her perspective. she spams my phone with messages about how healthy i am--that i never had acne, that i have been in great shape my whole life, that i have strong teeth and bones, and even that i got onto a d1 college tennis team. she has started calling me ungrateful for her intervention and insisting that i really should be glad i never got "carb addicted." i don't know what to think. i carried around an epipen for all those years--one that i suspect may be fake seeing as my mother never got me to replace it--and i don't even know anymore. am i the asshole and an ungrateful son for losing it over this?	27,562	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h808dd/aita_for_going_nocontact_with_my_parents_after/	2020-06-13 04:07:22	nta- you spent your entire life thinking that you could easily die because your mom wanted you on a special diet??? allergies are incredibly serious and while you can grow out of them, to be lied to is unnecessary. what your mom did was manipulative and poor parenting. she easily could have had you on a diet like that without lying and making you fear for your life.	nta. also, tell your aunt about your mom's lie. she should know that your mom made her put in extra effort for who knows how many times, and caused her to go into a panic about you potentially having an allergic reaction, when in reality your mom had lied about your allergies. i feel bad your aunt went through that. what your mom did was so terrible. she needs to face the consequences for her actions. cut contact until she understands just how bad her actions were.	nta. your mom sounds like those vegan/vegetarian people who don't feed their dogs/cats meat	nta-please try out cheese, you won't regret	no, you’re nta, and you may want to check out a subreddit called r/raisedbynarcissists, you might find the support you need to get through this :)	absolutely positively not the asshole. she can't raise her kid on a lie and expect him to be on with it, no matter how you turned out. you missed out on sweets as a kid and lunchables, which are wonderful. and i feel like she lied about switching the plates just to calm her down. she wouldn't have known which plate you were gonna eat from.	nta that could even be described as munchausen syndrome by proxy (msbp) what your mother did. to maintain such a lie for so long. wow. but oh my, you get to try all the cheeses now! and legumes! you shall feast	nta she lied while probably extolling the virtues of truth, some insight and acknowledgment from her about that would do wonders, but seeing that she doubled down based on her giving you no credit for the positives you have achieved through you own actions and not because she lied to you and seeming to shame you for not being grateful: she’s the asshole.	[deleted]	nta. she did not need to do this. many people grow on different diets and food restrictions without needing to be lied to. it's not about temptation, it's about education. if she went so far as to always make food and desserts that didn't have the things she told you are allergic, she didn't need to lie. now you know the truth and not only ruined your relationship with her, erased all trust you had on her, it will also make you consume everything you couldn't. and i say, go for it! choose your own diet and keep away for some time. now that she doesn't control this part of you anymore, she can get a little crazy.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hey everyone. i am 19 years old and my parents are in their 50s. for as long as i can remember, i have been allergic to several things: dairy * wheat/flour/gluten * legumes since i was a young child, my parents have completely kept all of them out of our house. while other kids ate breakfast cereals, i ate fish and assorted pickled vegetables for breakfast. while other kids had lunchables, i had grilled chicken or fish with, again, assorted vegetables (usually sweet potatoes). while other kids ate birthday cake at the birthday party, i had an apple. i never questioned this until a couple of months ago. i was at my aunt's house for my birthday party, and she made brownies for everyone. for me, she took great steps to make them with almond flour and avoided all of my allergies. i started eating them and thought little of it until my aunt suddenly looked at me and, in a panicked way, asked which plate i took the brownies from. i pointed from the one where i got my brownies, and she immediately stood up and told me we had to get my epipen. she raced to ask my mother for it, and i sat there scared out of my mind because i had never mistakenly eaten flour before. i noticed my mother had calmed her down, and then she said that we don't have to worry because she had switched the plates of brownies, and after all i had eaten the ones made with almond flour. i found this incredibly odd because, really, why would she swap the plates? that doesn't even make sense. but for the time being i let the issue rest. it didn't sit well with me for about a week and i finally went to get an allergy test. the doctor started with a skin prick test, and lo and behold, i didn't react to any of the above substances. then he ordered a blood test, and when the results came in, they said that i had absolutely no intolerance to any of the foods i'm supposed to be allergic to. i was furious and called my mother. she eventually admitted that she lied to me because she wanted me to be on a paleolithic diet, and wanted me to be able to avoid all temptations. she raised me with a lie about her own health, but she keeps insisting that i try to see it from her perspective. she spams my phone with messages about how healthy i am--that i never had acne, that i have been in great shape my whole life, that i have strong teeth and bones, and even that i got onto a d1 college tennis team. she has started calling me ungrateful for her intervention and insisting that i really should be glad i never got "carb addicted." i don't know what to think. i carried around an epipen for all those years--one that i suspect may be fake seeing as my mother never got me to replace it--and i don't even know anymore. am i the asshole and an ungrateful son for losing it over this?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hey everyone. i am 19 years old and my parents are in their 50s. for as long as i can remember, i have been allergic to several things: dairy * wheat/flour/gluten * legumes since i was a young child, my parents have completely kept all of them out of our house. while other kids ate breakfast cereals, i ate fish and assorted pickled vegetables for breakfast. while other kids had lunchables, i had grilled chicken or fish with, again, assorted vegetables (usually sweet potatoes). while other kids ate birthday cake at the birthday party, i had an apple. i never questioned this until a couple of months ago. i was at my aunt's house for my birthday party, and she made brownies for everyone. for me, she took great steps to make them with almond flour and avoided all of my allergies. i started eating them and thought little of it until my aunt suddenly looked at me and, in a panicked way, asked which plate i took the brownies from. i pointed from the one where i got my brownies, and she immediately stood up and told me we had to get my epipen. she raced to ask my mother for it, and i sat there scared out of my mind because i had never mistakenly eaten flour before. i noticed my mother had calmed her down, and then she said that we don't have to worry because she had switched the plates of brownies, and after all i had eaten the ones made with almond flour. i found this incredibly odd because, really, why would she swap the plates? that doesn't even make sense. but for the time being i let the issue rest. it didn't sit well with me for about a week and i finally went to get an allergy test. the doctor started with a skin prick test, and lo and behold, i didn't react to any of the above substances. then he ordered a blood test, and when the results came in, they said that i had absolutely no intolerance to any of the foods i'm supposed to be allergic to. i was furious and called my mother. she eventually admitted that she lied to me because she wanted me to be on a paleolithic diet, and wanted me to be able to avoid all temptations. she raised me with a lie about her own health, but she keeps insisting that i try to see it from her perspective. she spams my phone with messages about how healthy i am--that i never had acne, that i have been in great shape my whole life, that i have strong teeth and bones, and even that i got onto a d1 college tennis team. she has started calling me ungrateful for her intervention and insisting that i really should be glad i never got "carb addicted." i don't know what to think. i carried around an epipen for all those years--one that i suspect may be fake seeing as my mother never got me to replace it--and i don't even know anymore. am i the asshole and an ungrateful son for losing it over this? [/INST] nta- you spent your entire life thinking that you could easily die because your mom wanted you on a special diet??? allergies are incredibly serious and while you can grow out of them, to be lied to is unnecessary. what your mom did was manipulative and poor parenting. she easily could have had you on a diet like that without lying and making you fear for your life. </s>
AITA for turning the home I inherited into an Airbnb? My sister thought it would be a “family home” forever.	i will try to keep it very short so as to not bore anyone. about six months or so ago my grandpa died. for simplicity sake, let’s say hi estate is worth about $1.5 million. in his will he said that me, my sister and my cousin each get 1/3 share. his estate was basically two cash amounts and the other share was his beach home in california. basically the oldest got to pick which they wanted, the second oldest and the youngest which was me. m i got the beach house, my sister and cousin got $500k. for the last six months i’ve allowed my sister to stay in the house whenever she likes but i just got my first tax bill and i either have to sell it or start making some income off it. after talking to the real estate agent i’ve decided the best course of action is to put it on airbnb. that way i can still use it if i like, but sister can pay me to use it if she still wants to go there, basically there’s not someone renting full-time. my sister is furious with me for so many reasons, first of all i know she’s upset because she can no longer use the house for free. but she’s also telling me that i basically becoming a rent seeking capitalist who is going to ruin the neighborhood which has been a total classic surf neighborhood since the 1950s. she has written me angry email after angry email after angry email calling me all sorts of names. she also says it’s not fair because her inheritance is gone for her debts but i still make money from mine, and that if she had chose the house i could stay there any time i want. she’s my older sister and i’ve always been impressionable to the things she says to me and i’m feeling a lot of guilt and shame for what she told me. am i the asshole here?	27,515	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cevstm/aita_for_turning_the_home_i_inherited_into_an/	2019-07-18 17:52:08	nta. she's welcome to either rent it or buy it off you with that 500k she now has. she even had the option to pick it and she herself thinks money is more important. of course you're feeling guilty, that's what a guilt trip is supposed to do to it's victim! your sister is 100000000000000000000000% in the wrong here.	.... so nta - your sister had a choice whether to take the house or the money and she had a choice how to handle her money (half a million in debts, how'd she do that???) you have done nothing wrong, and better it be an airbnb than it be lost to the family forever because you can't keep it due to the taxes. tell your sister to take a hike, and that you expect her to share anything she bought with her 500k with you if she thinks she still deserves free access to the house.	nta. did you tell her you can't afford to keep the house unless you do this? i think she is being selfish. you didn't get to choose what you wanted, so she got 500k cash and you got a home. it's not your fault she already used all the money.	> she also says it’s not fair because her inheritance is gone for her debts but i still make money from mine, and that if she had chose the house i could stay there any time i want. if she really had half a million in debt she wouldn't have been able to keep the house long enough for you to stay over. > i’m feeling a lot of guilt and shame for what she told me well don't; you've done nothing wrong and she's just upset you putting the house up on airbnb is inconveniencing her. nta.	nta you all got your share of the assets. its yours, not the families. your share of the assets, however, has some costs that you have to bear. if that asset has the ability to generate some income to cover those costs, great. if it has the ability to generate income to cover those costs and more, even better. if she doesn't like the idea, then you should offer to let her buy a portion of the house (and take responsibility to pay some of those costs) and she would then have a say in how the house is used. i think the real issue here is that she's pissed you're going to have an income stream in the future and she's got nothing. what she doesn't understand is that her "income stream" is the money that she would have been paying towards her debts that were erased with her inheritance. she took the immediate benefit. you got one that provides a long-term benefit. no, you're not the asshole. she is.	nta. she should have chosen the house.	nta. your sister is an idiot for calling you "a rent seeking capitalist", does she think property taxes pay themselves?	nta... dude. your sister and cousin each got 500k, and they want you to spend money so they can have a vacation home as your share of the estate? that's absurd. don't listen to your sister.	so the sister calculated that if she took the money instead of the house, she'd have the money and the house whenever she wanted. and now she's upset that she's only going to have access to the house sometimes. it's your house, just like the other inheritance was her money. unless you demanded unlimited use of her money, she's just being pissy. also, being upset that her inheritance is gone but you still have yours has to be the worst argument i've ever heard. she could have invested the money...or bought a beach house.	nta property taxes are no joke. if she was so concerned about the house, she had her chance to claim it. she didn't. do not let your older siblings shame you for doing as you want with your inheritance. honestly, she sounds pretty toxic.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i will try to keep it very short so as to not bore anyone. about six months or so ago my grandpa died. for simplicity sake, let’s say hi estate is worth about $1.5 million. in his will he said that me, my sister and my cousin each get 1/3 share. his estate was basically two cash amounts and the other share was his beach home in california. basically the oldest got to pick which they wanted, the second oldest and the youngest which was me. m i got the beach house, my sister and cousin got $500k. for the last six months i’ve allowed my sister to stay in the house whenever she likes but i just got my first tax bill and i either have to sell it or start making some income off it. after talking to the real estate agent i’ve decided the best course of action is to put it on airbnb. that way i can still use it if i like, but sister can pay me to use it if she still wants to go there, basically there’s not someone renting full-time. my sister is furious with me for so many reasons, first of all i know she’s upset because she can no longer use the house for free. but she’s also telling me that i basically becoming a rent seeking capitalist who is going to ruin the neighborhood which has been a total classic surf neighborhood since the 1950s. she has written me angry email after angry email after angry email calling me all sorts of names. she also says it’s not fair because her inheritance is gone for her debts but i still make money from mine, and that if she had chose the house i could stay there any time i want. she’s my older sister and i’ve always been impressionable to the things she says to me and i’m feeling a lot of guilt and shame for what she told me. am i the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i will try to keep it very short so as to not bore anyone. about six months or so ago my grandpa died. for simplicity sake, let’s say hi estate is worth about $1.5 million. in his will he said that me, my sister and my cousin each get 1/3 share. his estate was basically two cash amounts and the other share was his beach home in california. basically the oldest got to pick which they wanted, the second oldest and the youngest which was me. m i got the beach house, my sister and cousin got $500k. for the last six months i’ve allowed my sister to stay in the house whenever she likes but i just got my first tax bill and i either have to sell it or start making some income off it. after talking to the real estate agent i’ve decided the best course of action is to put it on airbnb. that way i can still use it if i like, but sister can pay me to use it if she still wants to go there, basically there’s not someone renting full-time. my sister is furious with me for so many reasons, first of all i know she’s upset because she can no longer use the house for free. but she’s also telling me that i basically becoming a rent seeking capitalist who is going to ruin the neighborhood which has been a total classic surf neighborhood since the 1950s. she has written me angry email after angry email after angry email calling me all sorts of names. she also says it’s not fair because her inheritance is gone for her debts but i still make money from mine, and that if she had chose the house i could stay there any time i want. she’s my older sister and i’ve always been impressionable to the things she says to me and i’m feeling a lot of guilt and shame for what she told me. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta. she's welcome to either rent it or buy it off you with that 500k she now has. she even had the option to pick it and she herself thinks money is more important. of course you're feeling guilty, that's what a guilt trip is supposed to do to it's victim! your sister is 100000000000000000000000% in the wrong here. </s>
AITA for ruining my brother's date night and having him come pick his 3yo son up after he dropped him off at my house right before my shift?	i m32 have a brother m30 (kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends. kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. so far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. it bothered me because i have work commitments (i'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first. last week he did it again, he came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while i was showering and left the house immediately. i got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. i asked where his dad was and he said he just left. i knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, i called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. i was so mad and almost freaking out because i was getting late for my shift. i sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or i'd call cops on him for child abandonment. he texted back begging that i suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. i told him that i was serious and i'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home. he got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because i couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. i told him i never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. he said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend. it's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding i make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but i said i won't do that. aita?	27,482	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sau0y0/aita_for_ruining_my_brothers_date_night_and/	2022-01-23 13:48:04	nta. >he had an important date...he said tha[t it was] an emergency... were they defusing a bomb together or something?	nta change your locks. and put your brother's number on do not disturb. he can hire a sitter if he wants to go out so badly.	nta and you probably saved some poor young woman from having your nephew dumped on her. your brother isn’t dating. he’s looking for a mommy-mcbang-maid.	nta, change your locks	nta. personally, i would take him up on calling his date and then i'd explain the situation to her - because any woman actually okay with his behavior here would be atrocious stepmom material and should be promptly out of his life.	getting laid is not an emergency. also, "a lack of planning on your part does not constitue an emergency on mine." nta	nta... in a real emergency i get that your brother doesn't have much choice. but that only applies to a real emergency not a date. your brother is an asshole not just for the way he treats you but also how he treats his son. he treats his son like he can just drop him off somewhere whenever he likes. like his son is an inconvenience. that's disgusting.	if i was that date i would be horrified to be dating a man who dumps his kid and runs! nta	info: do you honestly think there’s a chance you’re the asshole here?	nta and change your locks as he clearly cannot be trusted with a key.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i m32 have a brother m30 (kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends. kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. so far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. it bothered me because i have work commitments (i'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first. last week he did it again, he came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while i was showering and left the house immediately. i got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. i asked where his dad was and he said he just left. i knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, i called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. i was so mad and almost freaking out because i was getting late for my shift. i sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or i'd call cops on him for child abandonment. he texted back begging that i suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. i told him that i was serious and i'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home. he got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because i couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. i told him i never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. he said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend. it's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding i make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but i said i won't do that. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i m32 have a brother m30 (kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends. kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. so far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. it bothered me because i have work commitments (i'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first. last week he did it again, he came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while i was showering and left the house immediately. i got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. i asked where his dad was and he said he just left. i knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, i called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. i was so mad and almost freaking out because i was getting late for my shift. i sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or i'd call cops on him for child abandonment. he texted back begging that i suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. i told him that i was serious and i'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home. he got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because i couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. i told him i never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. he said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend. it's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding i make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but i said i won't do that. aita? [/INST] nta. >he had an important date...he said tha[t it was] an emergency... were they defusing a bomb together or something? </s>
AITA? My husband won’t let me sleep.	ok, so i work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. my job is dangerous and i need to stay focused while at work. this part is important. so, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. his friend calls at odd hours every night. (usually between 1am and 4am.) my husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. i have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. he refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. i understand wanting to help a friend, but i do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. so, for the last week, i have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when i have a shift scheduled. now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. aita?	27,468	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hjc6zy/aita_my_husband_wont_let_me_sleep/	2020-07-01 15:16:46	nta he's upset at a problem he is creating. he's 100% able to resolve this issue, you're not responsible for his lack of consideration towards your needs. the mental gymnastics he's applying to a situation of his own creation are impressive.	nta. he's putting your health and job at risk. separate bedrooms are great for lots of couples!	nta, he doesn't need to be in the bedroom for his call!! and him acting like you hurt his feelings is childish and manipulative.	you are definitely nta. sleep deprivation has very real consequences for your health and functioning. why is he prioritizing his friend’s sleep needs over yours? the fact that you’ve communicated this to him already without him empathizing and adjusting his behavior is concerning.	so he's taking long, loud calls next to you and disrupting your sleep; he won't go in another room to take the calls; and he's mad that you decided to sleep elsewhere? make it clear to him: if he wants you sleeping next to him, he either stops taking the calls (doesn't his friend have someone else they can call? can't they play loud radio or something?) or he takes them in another room. otherwise, you'll be sleeping elsewhere. nta	nta. he is prioritizating his friends life over yours. maybe he can sleep with his friend. just move into the other bedroom. then make your husband find a couples counselor for both of you	> now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. you weren't sleeping next to him, that's the whole problem. definitely nta. he clearly understands the importance of people not falling asleep on the job, so why doesn't he offer you the same courtesy?	omg nta i couldn't imagine dealing with this on the regular. your husband is a selfish ah and being completely ridiculous - seriously who thinks taking phone calls in the middle of the night whilst next to someone is ok??	honestly, do people ask these kind of questions sincerely? i don't mean this in any way offensive but do you really need people to tell you that you are not an asshole because you go and sleep in another room because your husband is waking up at stupid o'clock and having a full blown convo on the phone?	info: what reason does he give for refusing to take the call to another room?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok, so i work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. my job is dangerous and i need to stay focused while at work. this part is important. so, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. his friend calls at odd hours every night. (usually between 1am and 4am.) my husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. i have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. he refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. i understand wanting to help a friend, but i do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. so, for the last week, i have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when i have a shift scheduled. now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> ok, so i work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. my job is dangerous and i need to stay focused while at work. this part is important. so, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. his friend calls at odd hours every night. (usually between 1am and 4am.) my husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. i have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. he refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. i understand wanting to help a friend, but i do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. so, for the last week, i have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when i have a shift scheduled. now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. aita? [/INST] nta he's upset at a problem he is creating. he's 100% able to resolve this issue, you're not responsible for his lack of consideration towards your needs. the mental gymnastics he's applying to a situation of his own creation are impressive. </s>
AITA for telling the judge of a scholarship competition that if she already knew who she wanted to win, to cut the crap and just let us all go home?	i'm in high school, we had a final presentation before winter break, and we had judges from the community come in to reward the best presentations. like not actual court room judges, just people who were involved in stuff locally. the prize was some scholarship money for college. our classrooms judge was a mom who in the school board and when we were doing the presentations she was showing really obvious favoritism to her daughter's best friend who i know is tight with that family. i know her presentation wasn't even her own, it was plagarized a lot and not very good, i saw her doing it in the computer lab days earlier. it was annoying how the "outside judge"kept going back to coo over this one presentation even after everyone had moved on and other people had presented. it was super awkward, like she was praising this one girl after a different kid had just presented?? like maybe pay attention to the person who's at the podium, not your little favorite?? it was my turn but i'd already seen her phoning it in when watching the last few, playing on her phone even! not paying attention. i felt like it was pretty obvious she'd already decided who would would win. and that frustrated me, i'd worked really hard on mine and if her behavior is in the last few presentations was gonna continue, i knew she wouldn't even be listening. so i went up and said "look, we all know you already know who you're gonna give the prize to, we've all seen you play on your phone and ignore everyone who came after your daughters best friend, so can we just cut the crap and go home? i'm not gonna stand up here and give a presentation to someone who's disrespecting our efforts and playing on their phone when anyone who's not a friend of your family is talking." she sure paid attention then, and went to talk to my teacher in a whisper. my teacher sent me to the principal's office. the girl i expected to win, won... no surprise there. but i felt good i'd at least said something. a bunch of my friends in class said i was totally right when i called out that bs, and we all knew it, i wasn't saying anything we didn't all see. my principal kept telling me that it didn't seem like i was taking my college apps seriously and i said that i didn't think i'd be going to college, i got stuck with debt already and i'm gonna need a job right away this spring. anyway i got detention aita for saying what i did instead of doing my final presentation for the project?	27,428	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f0rue1/aita_for_telling_the_judge_of_a_scholarship/	2020-02-08 13:53:24	nta. this judge was not impartial and should not have been a judge in the first place. the fact that the school did not address that is an issue.	nta. i'd see if there's a dispute process. it's obvious that this person should not have been judging this competition.	wtf is this country where we make children perform like show ponies to compete over meager sums of money to avoid generating crippling debt by continuing their education...	nta. but it sounds like you could have told her your opinion and still given the presentation.	hey, fyi, if she picked the person without giving good attention to the others and obviously picked who it was from personal favoritism... that's taxable. that's a gift. i'd go to the organization she's from and report what happened and also let them know that if there wasn't a proper look into why the judge wasn't an impartial 3rd party then you'll report the abuse for tax fraud. how do i know this? my mom was on a community board that helped with scholarships. we agreed that i wouldn't apply to those scholarships unless i was super qualified and that she stepped down from judging that year. and they gave fake names to everyone's essays. i didn't win. i got other scholarships so that's ok. my family is really involved with scholarships from the local suburbia women's society (aka old stay at home moms - they actually do really great social projects such as raising $100k to update the local park and bought instruments for the high school band). they also helped raise over $400k this year for the children's hospital (but many groups were involved with that one, so not entirely from them). the entire group takes it very seriously is it looks like there's impartiality.	nta you called out an unfair situation and you should take it further	info was she the only judge?	nta this is why you need several judges	nta - you’re my hero.	nta- a judge should be completely neutral and respectful of everyone's efforts, and she was neither. you were right to call her out and well done for doing so- everyone was thinking it, you were just brave enough to say it.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm in high school, we had a final presentation before winter break, and we had judges from the community come in to reward the best presentations. like not actual court room judges, just people who were involved in stuff locally. the prize was some scholarship money for college. our classrooms judge was a mom who in the school board and when we were doing the presentations she was showing really obvious favoritism to her daughter's best friend who i know is tight with that family. i know her presentation wasn't even her own, it was plagarized a lot and not very good, i saw her doing it in the computer lab days earlier. it was annoying how the "outside judge"kept going back to coo over this one presentation even after everyone had moved on and other people had presented. it was super awkward, like she was praising this one girl after a different kid had just presented?? like maybe pay attention to the person who's at the podium, not your little favorite?? it was my turn but i'd already seen her phoning it in when watching the last few, playing on her phone even! not paying attention. i felt like it was pretty obvious she'd already decided who would would win. and that frustrated me, i'd worked really hard on mine and if her behavior is in the last few presentations was gonna continue, i knew she wouldn't even be listening. so i went up and said "look, we all know you already know who you're gonna give the prize to, we've all seen you play on your phone and ignore everyone who came after your daughters best friend, so can we just cut the crap and go home? i'm not gonna stand up here and give a presentation to someone who's disrespecting our efforts and playing on their phone when anyone who's not a friend of your family is talking." she sure paid attention then, and went to talk to my teacher in a whisper. my teacher sent me to the principal's office. the girl i expected to win, won... no surprise there. but i felt good i'd at least said something. a bunch of my friends in class said i was totally right when i called out that bs, and we all knew it, i wasn't saying anything we didn't all see. my principal kept telling me that it didn't seem like i was taking my college apps seriously and i said that i didn't think i'd be going to college, i got stuck with debt already and i'm gonna need a job right away this spring. anyway i got detention aita for saying what i did instead of doing my final presentation for the project?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm in high school, we had a final presentation before winter break, and we had judges from the community come in to reward the best presentations. like not actual court room judges, just people who were involved in stuff locally. the prize was some scholarship money for college. our classrooms judge was a mom who in the school board and when we were doing the presentations she was showing really obvious favoritism to her daughter's best friend who i know is tight with that family. i know her presentation wasn't even her own, it was plagarized a lot and not very good, i saw her doing it in the computer lab days earlier. it was annoying how the "outside judge"kept going back to coo over this one presentation even after everyone had moved on and other people had presented. it was super awkward, like she was praising this one girl after a different kid had just presented?? like maybe pay attention to the person who's at the podium, not your little favorite?? it was my turn but i'd already seen her phoning it in when watching the last few, playing on her phone even! not paying attention. i felt like it was pretty obvious she'd already decided who would would win. and that frustrated me, i'd worked really hard on mine and if her behavior is in the last few presentations was gonna continue, i knew she wouldn't even be listening. so i went up and said "look, we all know you already know who you're gonna give the prize to, we've all seen you play on your phone and ignore everyone who came after your daughters best friend, so can we just cut the crap and go home? i'm not gonna stand up here and give a presentation to someone who's disrespecting our efforts and playing on their phone when anyone who's not a friend of your family is talking." she sure paid attention then, and went to talk to my teacher in a whisper. my teacher sent me to the principal's office. the girl i expected to win, won... no surprise there. but i felt good i'd at least said something. a bunch of my friends in class said i was totally right when i called out that bs, and we all knew it, i wasn't saying anything we didn't all see. my principal kept telling me that it didn't seem like i was taking my college apps seriously and i said that i didn't think i'd be going to college, i got stuck with debt already and i'm gonna need a job right away this spring. anyway i got detention aita for saying what i did instead of doing my final presentation for the project? [/INST] nta. this judge was not impartial and should not have been a judge in the first place. the fact that the school did not address that is an issue. </s>
AITA for being honest with my nephew about where I was for most of his life?	okay, let me just get right into this. i [27m] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37f] outed me to my parents as gay. they completely cut off all contact with me and i didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. when i was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. for the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now. a couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and i ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. he asked me why i wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. i asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. i told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until i eventually confessed i was cut off for being gay. he made a face and asked how my parents even found out. i told him i was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that i don't think she'd do something like that now and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. he got a bit quiet and changed the subject. i got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that i'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". i explained to her that i didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and i think he's old enough to deserve honesty. she just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. i'm crushed because obviously i love the kid. did i do the wrong thing? should i have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something?	27,399	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cgq9zs/aita_for_being_honest_with_my_nephew_about_where/	2019-07-23 09:17:29	nta, they made poor choices, they should accept the consequences.	nta. you told the truth and you even downplayed her part by saying it was a "silly mistake". i wonder if your nephew is perhaps lgbtq+ himself and is now upset with his mom because he is afraid the same will happen to him. or likely he's just a good kid that knows that love=love, and is not afraid to stand up for what is right. either way, good on him.	nta: you didn’t do absolutely anything wrong. don’t feel bad that your sister both outed you out and then got mad at you because she didn’t want to look homophobic in the eyes of her son, which she might still be. you did the right thing. i’m familiar with these family secrets, and in the long run it ends up hurting family members.	nta. it's not up to your sister or anyone else in your family to decide whether or not it's in the past. your sister and parents are grade a homophobic assholes and i'd rethink the whole "it was just a silly mistake on her part" considering the way she reacted to you telling the truth to your nephew.	clearly nta. you were kicked out and rejected by your family for over a decade, and she's saying they're not bad people or homophobic? she can think you're out of line or that it should have stayed in the past, but she sounds out of touch with reality and unwilling to own up to anything. has she ever apologized? has your mom?	nta, but your sister seems to be. maybe she ain't a bad person, but she did a real shitty thing that caused you a lot of trauma, and she should own up to that - not try to sweep it under the rug.	nta. you can share your story with whomever you please. your nephew is also old enough to make his own judgement and deserves to know why his uncle wasn't around. i'm sorry that your sister sucks, i hope she comes around.	nta. your nephew wanted answers, and you told him to ask his mom, but he wanted to hear your side, which you were honest about. your sister is the ah for outing you and then acting like the victim when called out on it by her son, your parents are the ahs for kicking you out and their homophobia. your nephew seems cool though, props to him. your sister says you’re “pretending they’re bad people”, but she hasn’t stopped to consider that they are, and they’re finally being called out on it. you were extremely kind (more so than i would have been) by trying to save your sister by saying she wouldn’t do that anymore and trying to not diminish your nephew’s opinion of his mother. tbh though i have no sympathy for her or anyone who intentionally outs someone who does not want to be.	nta. looks like she did it a second time.	nta, and what did u do when u were kicked out like how did u live. were u homeless?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, let me just get right into this. i [27m] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37f] outed me to my parents as gay. they completely cut off all contact with me and i didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. when i was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. for the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now. a couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and i ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. he asked me why i wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. i asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. i told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until i eventually confessed i was cut off for being gay. he made a face and asked how my parents even found out. i told him i was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that i don't think she'd do something like that now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. he got a bit quiet and changed the subject. i got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that i'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". i explained to her that i didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and i think he's old enough to deserve honesty. she just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. i'm crushed because obviously i love the kid. did i do the wrong thing? should i have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> okay, let me just get right into this. i [27m] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37f] outed me to my parents as gay. they completely cut off all contact with me and i didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. when i was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. for the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now. a couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and i ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. he asked me why i wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. i asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. i told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until i eventually confessed i was cut off for being gay. he made a face and asked how my parents even found out. i told him i was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that i don't think she'd do something like that now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. he got a bit quiet and changed the subject. i got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that i'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". i explained to her that i didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and i think he's old enough to deserve honesty. she just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. i'm crushed because obviously i love the kid. did i do the wrong thing? should i have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something? [/INST] nta, they made poor choices, they should accept the consequences. </s>
AITA for telling my daughter that I absolutely do not support her ONLY wanting to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom?	i don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. it's not like that. i get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense. what i have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to only become a sahm. as in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come. i told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. but that she needs to do something to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids. her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. we would help them survive. i told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? she said "i don't know, mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen." i told her bluntly that i don't want her becoming nancy botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she needs to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. i emphasized that again, it does not need to be college. she can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. she can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. but she says no, she's going to plan to be a sahm. with that all in mind, i asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? she said "just try to find a husband. maybe marry someone in the military." i asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? her rent? she said she assumed she would be living at home. i told her no, and that she would be moving out. she could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. but that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own. this didn't go over well, and i am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc. i don't think i'm wrong at all. i want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. if this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, i don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself. aita? **	27,377	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iunsyq/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_i_absolutely_do/	2020-09-17 17:11:58	nta, her expectations for life are unrealistic. you're doing your part as a parent and showing her that. her entitlement is astounding.	nta. listen to me please, this is a recipe for her to be in an abusive relationship. i was a sahm (step kid). i had no money of my own and no support system. he was physically, sexually, emotionally, and financially abusive. when i left after he raped me i had a trash bag of stuff on my back and no where to go. i had $150 that i had hidden from him by not paying the bills that month. she needs to be self sufficient. she needs her own money. she needs a way out if her husband hits her. i met so many women at the domestic violence shelter i was in who did not have a penny to their names when they escaped their abuser. even encouraging her to get an early childhood development degree to help her become a better mother would be good. a job in a daycare. something to help her not be reliant on someone else. but teach her the red flags of relationships. teach her about gaslighting, love bombing, and other manipulation techniques abusers use to get their victims under their control. show her [the hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/) and [love is respect ](https://www.loveisrespect.org) if so much of her life plan is dependent on another person she needs to vet them well. but at the beginning of any relationship, especially abusive ones, everything looks golden and rosy. she should always have a way out.	nta. in high school, i also wanted to be a sahm. unfortunately, that’s not where my life took me. i’m 33, single, and childless. sometimes our plans don’t work out and that’s ok. she really needs to make a plan to be able to take care of herself regardless of becoming a sahm.	nta, she is being delusional. you are being perfectly reasonable.	i'd strongly steer her toward culinary arts and the hospitality industry. many of those skills transfer over to being a good sahm. then, even if the husband and kids thing doesn't happen right away, she'd have a means of support while improving the skills, at least. i'm a stay- at home mom 5 days a week, i work the front desk at a local hotel on weekends. it's the easiest job i've ever had. and it's very similar to what i do at home. vacuum and clean the lobby, get stuff ready for breakfast, and soothe tantrums of tired people. i barely needed any training lol.	nta i'll admit i was ready to say you were the asshole being a stay at home wife myself. there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home partner if you and your partner agree, but you are right that can't be her only option. that's how you get into abusive situations when you are completely dependant on your partner to survive. i may not have a college degree but i do have experience in sales and tech support and if i needed out i could do it. also her back up plan of just falling back on you makes her sound extremely entitled and spoiled. sounds like she needs a bit of a wake up.	nta at all. your daughter's path in life is totally unreasonable. i think the guidelines you have set up for her are totally reasonable. it almost sounds like she wants to be a freeloader more than a sahm. she should have some experience, whether it's college or a small job, to help set her up for success	nta. she needs a back up plan because she's setting herself up for financial abuse and so on. i'm assuming from what you've said she doesn't currently have a boyfriend or fiance, so can i ask where she thinks she's going to meet this future husband if she doesn't work or do evening classes or any of the things you do to get out of the damn house and meet people? her plan is gross, imo, she doesn't want a "happy marriage," she wants someone to pay for all her stuff so she never has to be independent. the fact she activity wants to marry military shows how irrelevant the husband actually is in her plans - she is going for the option where her partner will be around the home least! plus, military guys are wise to this sort of thing - maybe tell her to look up the term "dependa" so she can see just how little respect women who marry military just to say they have/to get the benefits get from people (please note i don't condone any of the stuff people say about so called "dependas" but that is sadly the reality of what she would be facing in her plan). i don't really think many men would find "yeah so i'm never going to work, we have to get married asap, and i'll have a couple of kids in return for you making all the money" an attractive prospect on a first date - and any man who does should probably be avoided anyway as he won't want a wife, he wants a slave. regardless of any of these things, your daughter needs skills. she needs to be able to provide for herself. she needs to see herself as an independent person, not just an extension of her parents and potential husband. you're right - what if the husband dies, or cheats on her, or turns out to be an abusive person? what can she then fall back on to support her future children?	nta. being a stay at home mom is fine but requires a kid first	info: how old is your kid? are you arguing with someone who's near graduating highschool or like a 13 year old who just wants to stay home and do nil all day?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. it's not like that. i get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense. what i have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to only* become a sahm. as in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come. i told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. but that she needs to do something to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids. her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. we would help them survive. i told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? she said "i don't know, mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen." i told her bluntly that i don't want her becoming nancy botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she needs to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. i emphasized that again, it does not need to be college. she can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. she can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. but she says no, she's going to plan to be a sahm. with that all in mind, i asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? she said "just try to find a husband. maybe marry someone in the military." i asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? her rent? she said she assumed she would be living at home. i told her no, and that she would be moving out. she could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. but that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own. this didn't go over well, and i am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc. i don't think i'm wrong at all. i want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. if this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, i don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself. aita? **	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. it's not like that. i get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense. what i have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to only* become a sahm. as in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come. i told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. but that she needs to do something to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids. her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. we would help them survive. i told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? she said "i don't know, mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen." i told her bluntly that i don't want her becoming nancy botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she needs to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. i emphasized that again, it does not need to be college. she can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. she can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. but she says no, she's going to plan to be a sahm. with that all in mind, i asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? she said "just try to find a husband. maybe marry someone in the military." i asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? her rent? she said she assumed she would be living at home. i told her no, and that she would be moving out. she could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. but that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own. this didn't go over well, and i am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc. i don't think i'm wrong at all. i want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. if this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, i don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself. aita? ** [/INST] nta, her expectations for life are unrealistic. you're doing your part as a parent and showing her that. her entitlement is astounding. </s>
WIBTA for asking my ex's daughter to stop calling me "dad"?	i was with my ex for seven years. at the time she had a 2-year old, and when we split, her daughter was 9 years old. she called me dad pretty quickly, plus we all lived together. i thought we'd become a family proper through marriage eventually but obviously things didn't pan out and we split. it was amicable and we're still friends. her daughter is 14 now and still calls me dad. my ex hasn't started dating again but i'm engaged to my soon-to-be-wife. we all get along but my fiancee doesn't like that kiddo calls me dad. i'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise, but i was a father figure for seven years (and even beyond this, i still kept involved in her life). my fiancee wants me to put the kibosh on this because it makes her uncomfortable. we want to start a family of our own soon and my fiancee wants my undivided attention on our child. i can see her point and where she's coming from although i'm indifferent to the whole dad situation: if she calls me dad, whatever, and if she doesn't, then also whatever. i'm not her dad but it's ultimately not up to me or my ex or my fiancee what she calls me, it's up to her. but i must relent to my fiancee's wishes because my family should be prioritized, right? i'm going to have a sitdown with my ex and her daughter and split ties to focus on my own family. but would i be the arsehole? i'd still maintain contact because i'm very much still connected to my ex and her daughter, i just want the "dad" to stop to avoid friction with my eventual wife.	27,341	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/btnxdy/wibta_for_asking_my_exs_daughter_to_stop_calling/	2019-05-27 16:21:29	yta - you're the only father she's ever known but you're going to cut ties and tell her to stop calling you dad because it makes your fiance uncomfortable...i mean technically you don't owe her anything since you're not her father but god damn that is cold.	your fiancée is the asshole. it sounds like you’re as much of a dad to that girl as you would be if you were her biological father. tell your fiancée to accept that you had a life before her and that she needs to accept that. ————	ywbta. i'll throw in that any woman who begrudges a child her known father figure, is not someone i'd want to marry or have children with. but that's just me.	yta wow can't believe i just read that. you say that you're indifferent as if that's a defence- you have to realise that not only are you stating that you're indifferent to your fiancee asking you to cut ties, but that you're also indifferent to the feelings and emotions of this 14 year old girl who clearly loves and cares about you. look at this from this girls perspective. she does not remember the first two years of her life. from her first memories, you are literally her father. whether or not you feel the same way, you absolutely have to respect her feelings there. the lack of consideration and empathy this move would demonstrate towards this girl is shocking. please please please don't be the asshole here.	[removed]	yta she's called you dad for 12 years, it would be a slap in the face to ask her to stop. you can have a family and devote yourself wholly to it while you still act as a mentor and father figure to this girl.	as a woman who was rejected by her non-biological-father-figure and is still in therapy because of it, let me say yta.	yta, you are her dad. you raised her for 7 years.	your fiancee is the asshole, and you'll be one too if you go along with her. &#x200b; >i'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise &#x200b; the "otherwise" part is simply not true. you're apparently the only father she's ever known, your intention was to make it official, and you kept the relationship after splitting from her mom. do you really have that small an attachment to the little girl you raised?	yta. thus child has known you as her dad since she’s been 2 years old. i don’t like what it says about your fiancées character that she wants you to abandon her. love isn’t a finite resource.	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was with my ex for seven years. at the time she had a 2-year old, and when we split, her daughter was 9 years old. she called me dad pretty quickly, plus we all lived together. i thought we'd become a family proper through marriage eventually but obviously things didn't pan out and we split. it was amicable and we're still friends. her daughter is 14 now and still calls me dad. my ex hasn't started dating again but i'm engaged to my soon-to-be-wife. we all get along but my fiancee doesn't like that kiddo calls me dad. i'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise, but i was a father figure for seven years (and even beyond this, i still kept involved in her life). my fiancee wants me to put the kibosh on this because it makes her uncomfortable. we want to start a family of our own soon and my fiancee wants my undivided attention on our child. i can see her point and where she's coming from although i'm indifferent to the whole dad situation: if she calls me dad, whatever, and if she doesn't, then also whatever. i'm not her dad but it's ultimately not up to me or my ex or my fiancee what she calls me, it's up to her. but i must relent to my fiancee's wishes because my family should be prioritized, right? i'm going to have a sitdown with my ex and her daughter and split ties to focus on my own family. but would i be the arsehole? i'd still maintain contact because i'm very much still connected to my ex and her daughter, i just want the "dad" to stop to avoid friction with my eventual wife.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i was with my ex for seven years. at the time she had a 2-year old, and when we split, her daughter was 9 years old. she called me dad pretty quickly, plus we all lived together. i thought we'd become a family proper through marriage eventually but obviously things didn't pan out and we split. it was amicable and we're still friends. her daughter is 14 now and still calls me dad. my ex hasn't started dating again but i'm engaged to my soon-to-be-wife. we all get along but my fiancee doesn't like that kiddo calls me dad. i'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise, but i was a father figure for seven years (and even beyond this, i still kept involved in her life). my fiancee wants me to put the kibosh on this because it makes her uncomfortable. we want to start a family of our own soon and my fiancee wants my undivided attention on our child. i can see her point and where she's coming from although i'm indifferent to the whole dad situation: if she calls me dad, whatever, and if she doesn't, then also whatever. i'm not her dad but it's ultimately not up to me or my ex or my fiancee what she calls me, it's up to her. but i must relent to my fiancee's wishes because my family should be prioritized, right? i'm going to have a sitdown with my ex and her daughter and split ties to focus on my own family. but would i be the arsehole? i'd still maintain contact because i'm very much still connected to my ex and her daughter, i just want the "dad" to stop to avoid friction with my eventual wife. [/INST] yta - you're the only father she's ever known but you're going to cut ties and tell her to stop calling you dad because it makes your fiance uncomfortable...i mean technically you don't owe her anything since you're not her father but god damn that is cold. </s>
AITA for kicking out my dad and his pregnant wife out of the home I legally own after they sent my depressed sister to live with our aunt?	my mother passed away 3 years ago. the family home, where i and my sister grew up, was willed to me. it was her ancestral property, and she wanted her daughter to have it. the other vacation home went to my 16 year old sister. our father remarried 6 months after mom passed away and moved his new wife in. my sister says that that woman has removed all of our family pictures from the main living area. she has removed our mom's pictures as well. now all of these pictures adorn the walls of my sister's room. recently our father and his wife announced that they were pregnant with twins. my sister didn't take it well. she's still not over mom's death and had a breakdown after the announcement. the night of my sister's 16th birthday party, she brought a lot of friends over and the party went on till the next morning. my dad's wife, who was out with our father on vacation returned the same morning and lost her cool when she saw the kids passed out on the living room. our dad knew about the party, they just got home earlier than expected. his wife proceeded to lose her cool and had a big shouting match with my sister. she said that my sister was just like our mom and was a burden on our dad. she then asked her to leave and sent her packing to our aunt's. i was furious when i got to know about it. i showed up home the next day and asked them to leave within a week. she's 7 months pregnant and had no idea that the house belonged to me. i know i shouldn't be kicking a pregnant woman out but i don't want my spineless father and his wife to abuse my sister anymore. my father called me a cruel brat and now wants to challenge our mom's will. he can try, my mom's family has already appointed their family lawyer to fight my case. aita?	27,324	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fiq5ta/aita_for_kicking_out_my_dad_and_his_pregnant_wife/	2020-03-14 21:45:29	nta, it kind of sounds like your dad's new wife just wanted your sister out of the way for her new perfect little family.	nta his wife thought your dad owned the house and threw her weight around. if the house was in your mothers name and she willed it to you theres not much your dad can do legally.	nta. the fact that your father is allowing his new wife to speak to his children in this manner is disgusting. let them go be bullies somewhere else.	[removed]	nta - sounds like step-mommy dearest didn't know the house wasn't your dad's. something your dad probably neglected to tell her. they're adults, if they can be cruel to your sister, they can deal with reality of finding their own place to live!	nta they’re both being cruel to your sister and kicked her out of the house you own. not cool. you’re standing up for your sister. your dad marrying 6 months after your mom’s death is also so cringe. i’m sorry what you went through	nta your father should have been there for his daughter but he isn’t so you have to be. your father and his pregnant wife can kick rocks.	morally nta, legally.. meh 1. your dad is an ass 2. please, if she isn't already, see about getting your sister counseling 3. if your aunt doesn't own her own home, move her and your sister in once dad and step ~~monster~~ mother have moved out (but i'm petty)	nta they are adults and can handle themselves. however, you might have crossed some lines legally and you probably should have consulted a lawyer before kicking them out to make sure you gave them enough notice.	info, how old are you and is your sister’s house in a trust? i’m not going to judge, but i will say that you need to get that lawyer in place now. as another comment mentioned, what you’re attempting is actually an eviction, and you need to follow legal procedures in trying to get them out. whether or not it’s an ah move, i think you’ve got to follow through now as your actions/circumstances basically will add up to your father and step-mom being hostile tenants, and hostile tenants can do a lot of damage. nal, but if i were you, i would request a police escort to go into the house today and get anything of value to you, including any paperwork you need as well as any of your mother’s possessions you don’t want to see destroyed. you also have to think about your sister’s situation if your dad is her primary caregiver. what kind of retaliation is she going to face as a result of this? are you old enough/willing/prepared to take her in? these are the kinds of practicalities a lawyer should be able to help you sort out. get one, like yesterday.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mother passed away 3 years ago. the family home, where i and my sister grew up, was willed to me. it was her ancestral property, and she wanted her daughter to have it. the other vacation home went to my 16 year old sister. our father remarried 6 months after mom passed away and moved his new wife in. my sister says that that woman has removed all of our family pictures from the main living area. she has removed our mom's pictures as well. now all of these pictures adorn the walls of my sister's room. recently our father and his wife announced that they were pregnant with twins. my sister didn't take it well. she's still not over mom's death and had a breakdown after the announcement. the night of my sister's 16th birthday party, she brought a lot of friends over and the party went on till the next morning. my dad's wife, who was out with our father on vacation returned the same morning and lost her cool when she saw the kids passed out on the living room. our dad knew about the party, they just got home earlier than expected. his wife proceeded to lose her cool and had a big shouting match with my sister. she said that my sister was just like our mom and was a burden on our dad. she then asked her to leave and sent her packing to our aunt's. i was furious when i got to know about it. i showed up home the next day and asked them to leave within a week. she's 7 months pregnant and had no idea that the house belonged to me. i know i shouldn't be kicking a pregnant woman out but i don't want my spineless father and his wife to abuse my sister anymore. my father called me a cruel brat and now wants to challenge our mom's will. he can try, my mom's family has already appointed their family lawyer to fight my case. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my mother passed away 3 years ago. the family home, where i and my sister grew up, was willed to me. it was her ancestral property, and she wanted her daughter to have it. the other vacation home went to my 16 year old sister. our father remarried 6 months after mom passed away and moved his new wife in. my sister says that that woman has removed all of our family pictures from the main living area. she has removed our mom's pictures as well. now all of these pictures adorn the walls of my sister's room. recently our father and his wife announced that they were pregnant with twins. my sister didn't take it well. she's still not over mom's death and had a breakdown after the announcement. the night of my sister's 16th birthday party, she brought a lot of friends over and the party went on till the next morning. my dad's wife, who was out with our father on vacation returned the same morning and lost her cool when she saw the kids passed out on the living room. our dad knew about the party, they just got home earlier than expected. his wife proceeded to lose her cool and had a big shouting match with my sister. she said that my sister was just like our mom and was a burden on our dad. she then asked her to leave and sent her packing to our aunt's. i was furious when i got to know about it. i showed up home the next day and asked them to leave within a week. she's 7 months pregnant and had no idea that the house belonged to me. i know i shouldn't be kicking a pregnant woman out but i don't want my spineless father and his wife to abuse my sister anymore. my father called me a cruel brat and now wants to challenge our mom's will. he can try, my mom's family has already appointed their family lawyer to fight my case. aita? [/INST] nta, it kind of sounds like your dad's new wife just wanted your sister out of the way for her new perfect little family. </s>
AITA? Husband threw a BBQ party for his friends. I refused to help. Party was a disaster.	disclaimer: we are all vaccinated. so, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: his friends. i am not close with them) for barbecue parties. he prides himself on his bbq skills. the thing is... i always end up doing everything! he buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his bbq skills). i have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). i prepare the sides and veggies, i refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since i find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. it’s just nonstop work for me. he just told me last week that he invited his friends for saturday (so yesterday). just announced it, didn’t ask me. i said well okay, do i know anyone? nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. my husband called it a “guys’ night”. i said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, i will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. he said he will handle it. spoiler alert, he did not handle it. he got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and i was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, i just do stuff...) so i didn’t do anything. the patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. his friends arrived, i welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. cue the messages. he started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did i not buy it? where are the sides? i just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. (	27,286	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/my5x2a/aita_husband_threw_a_bbq_party_for_his_friends_i/	2021-04-25 10:52:32	nta. in fact, you’re so not the asshole that you are my hero. your husband can kick rocks. if he wants to look at the person who failed, he just needs to look at himself in the mirror.	nta. is he always this entitled? rethink your entire relationship dynamic if he is and start demanding for the kind of treatment you deserve.	nta. i love this kind of take a stand thing. you are not a assistant/slave/maid/cleaner. its gonna be while before your husband will do another bbq. not until he learn how much job it take to organise a proper bbq party. you stand on your ground sister !	nta. why he'd think you'd want to waitress for free at his guys night is a mystery. hopefully he'll understand the invisible work you were doing all this time now and appreciate you for it. i'd also guess that while it was a disaster compared to usual that most of the guests probably had no idea.	i think [this meme](https://www.poeticexpressions.co.uk/bbq-rules/) i saw recently is applicable to this situation. you’re not alone, op - keep up your strike!	nta! it's his party, his friends, his responsibility. how does he live in the house and not know where cups and plates are? and he has some nerve to say he's disappointed that you didn't pull your weight.	nta - and this is a hill to die on. mostly because my husband is not an asshole and would not do this to me so it seems hilarious to me that yours thinks this type of behaviour (treating your spouse like a party planner without so much as a by your leave) is acceptable.	info: do you ever get to invite your friends over? is your husband expected to "pull his weight" when your friends are over?	[deleted]	nta. sounds like he's been taking you for granted for a while. once he's cooled off i would personally have a calm sit down discussion about why this happened (he dropped this on you and expected you to do stuff without him asking, he doesnt notice or appreciate what you do, if he wants a bbq to be a team event he needs to ask not tell and pull his own weight on the supporting elements etc etc) and hopefully this will go some way towards changing things.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	NTA	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: disclaimer: we are all vaccinated. so, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: his friends. i am not close with them) for barbecue parties. he prides himself on his bbq skills. the thing is... i always end up doing everything! he buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his bbq skills). i have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). i prepare the sides and veggies, i refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since i find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. it’s just nonstop work for me. he just told me last week that he invited his friends for saturday (so yesterday). just announced it, didn’t ask me. i said well okay, do i know anyone? nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. my husband called it a “guys’ night”. i said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, i will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. he said he will handle it. spoiler alert, he did not handle it. he got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and i was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, i just do stuff...) so i didn’t do anything. the patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. his friends arrived, i welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. cue the messages. he started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did i not buy it? where are the sides? i just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. (	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> disclaimer: we are all vaccinated. so, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: his friends. i am not close with them) for barbecue parties. he prides himself on his bbq skills. the thing is... i always end up doing everything! he buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his bbq skills). i have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). i prepare the sides and veggies, i refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since i find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. it’s just nonstop work for me. he just told me last week that he invited his friends for saturday (so yesterday). just announced it, didn’t ask me. i said well okay, do i know anyone? nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. my husband called it a “guys’ night”. i said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, i will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. he said he will handle it. spoiler alert, he did not handle it. he got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and i was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, i just do stuff...) so i didn’t do anything. the patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. his friends arrived, i welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. cue the messages. he started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did i not buy it? where are the sides? i just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. ( [/INST] nta. in fact, you’re so not the asshole that you are my hero. your husband can kick rocks. if he wants to look at the person who failed, he just needs to look at himself in the mirror. </s>
AITA? For blowing up at my husband for lying to me about my sister and her baby leaving when he actually kicked her out?	my sister (20) got out of a terrible relationship and moved in with me and my husband and brought her 5 months old son, she's dealing with a handful of issues from ppd to depression. i asked my husband if he'd be okay with her moving in and he said absolutely, not just this but he was the one who picked her/brought her home. she stayed for 2 weeks and helped around the house, my husband started complaining about the baby crying but a newborn is expected to cry especially at night. he said it causes him stress although i suggested he put on earbuds. he suddenly told me to forget it and so i did. last week, i had to go out of town to attend a friend's funeral without my husband, he said he wanted to stay with my sister to make sure she's okay. i returned home the next day and didn't find her or her baby home. my husband said she contacted a friend in another town and wanted to move with them and left that morning, he handed me a letter he claimed was from her. this felt so odd...especially after reading the letter, i called her phone many many times but turned out my husband found it and said she must've left it behind. i was worried i had no means of contacting her to make sure she was okay, i contacted relatives but they knew nothing. yesterday, i got a call from an unknown number and it was her, we talked and she told me that she didn't leave on her own but my husband kicked her out after telling her that she was no longer welcome, and she needed to take responsibility for her decisions. i was in shock as she explained that she's not with a friend but at a shelter and she has no money. i waited til he got home and i blew up at him, he admitted he faked the letter an hid her phone then argued that it's his house to and he has a say, but he shouldn't have lied to me about my sister and causing her to be homeless. i he said i was being unfair and wrong to lash out at him for wanting peace in his home. i went upstairs and refused to argue anymore. i told him i'm going to pick her up tomorrow and he said he'd change the locks while i'm gone and i won't be allowed to bring her home. i'm thinking of going to a hotel but he kept saying that i'm letting my sister affect our lives by prioritizing her but there's a baby involved, my nephew and i can't leave him homeless. i get that it's house too but i don't see why he's so against her staying.	27,224	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tew2yr/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_husband_for_lying_to_me/	2022-03-15 18:26:01	nta. he waited until you were out of town so that you couldn't object. so that you couldn't protect her as he- not only kicked her out- but took her fucking phone so she couldn't contact you. he is a dangerous man. he threw a woman and her newborn onto the street without a care in the fucking world. now, he's threatening to lock you out of your own house. you need to divorce him. immediately.	divorce this man omg. he went behind your back to do this to your loved one. he faked a letter. he hid her phone from you. this is completely out of proportion to anything that happened. this was unwarranted cruelty and a breach of trust. gtfo of that relationship. he will absolutely repeat that behavior. nta.	there is a lot wrong with this. 1) the lies and manipulative way your husband went about this - i'm not sure if there is any way of walking that back. you might want to consider leaving him just for that alone. 2) he cared so little about a 20yo with a baby, that he put her out on the street. again, that kind of lack of remorse is kind of a deal-breaker, don't you think? 3) if you are married and live there, it is straight-up illegal for him to change the locks on you. i could go on, but this is more than enough. nta girl, run. for real. this guy is bad. you can't move forward with him from here, with this being a part of your history together. find a place, maybe with your sister as a roommate, and move on with your life.	nta. also legally he can't change the locks since you are a tenant (you established residency so even if you aren't on the deed/mortgage/lease whatever you still have a right to the home) and he could get into some pretty hefty legal trouble for trying to bar you from your residence. you need a lawyer just saying. he's not a safe person if he's willing to try to break the law to keep you from coming back if you get your sister back to safety. contact a lawyer asap. please. this is a major red flag. instead of communicating with you, he forced a woman who just escaped an abusive relationship with a baby out of the home and stole her phone which would've notified you sooner. he's a walking red flag. please seek legal counseling.	nta. and i’m incredibly disturbed he stole her phone. because that’s what he did by “hiding it”.	it’s illegal to change the locks on marital property.	nta. he made your sister homeless and then lied to you. *lied to you. one more time, lied to you*. this is beyond reddit's paygrade. if he was willing to act this underhanded about your sister, what else is he hiding from you?	nta however you should watch your back he seems like a complete ah he is the one who agreed then turned on his word and proceeded to everything he could to cover his lie and then think he has a valid excuse to defend himself after everything he has done and also kick a child to the curb without remorse and not to mention forge a letter and steal your sisters phone which thankfully wasn't needed for an emergency but you never know when an emergency will happen and that phone is her only life line and all this happened because a grown ass man couldn't put in earplugs you have every right to rip him a new one and what's going to happen if you two ever have kids? kick you to the curb too? honestly you could do better than him because he has no word, patience, or empathy for others he is a complete ah	it’s his house too and he has a say? that only works if you also get a say - otherwise it’s a totally illogical argument. he made your family and a baby homeless without a second thought, and hid it from you, and is now threatening to blow up your marriage (for which i’m assuming he made some vows about for better or worse) because of a baby crying? nta under any circumstances, but i think everyone has already told you what you should be doing next - and it’s not questioning if you are the ah. i hope you’re okay, and i hope you can see how deeply fucked up his behaviour is.	nta get you & your sister somewhere safe. that includes away from your husband. your husband put a 20 year old dealing with mental issues & an infant on the street. and specifically stole her phone so she could not call for help. that’s a huge mark of an abuser - taking someone’s phone so they are isolated & unable to reach out for help. he then faked a letter from her to “explain” her leaving without even saying good bye to you. this was absolutely planned by your husband the moment he knew you were leaving town for a couple days. honestly, i am shocked she & the baby are alive. this is the start of a true crime podcast story. that is serial killer behavior.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister (20) got out of a terrible relationship and moved in with me and my husband and brought her 5 months old son, she's dealing with a handful of issues from ppd to depression. i asked my husband if he'd be okay with her moving in and he said absolutely, not just this but he was the one who picked her/brought her home. she stayed for 2 weeks and helped around the house, my husband started complaining about the baby crying but a newborn is expected to cry especially at night. he said it causes him stress although i suggested he put on earbuds. he suddenly told me to forget it and so i did. last week, i had to go out of town to attend a friend's funeral without my husband, he said he wanted to stay with my sister to make sure she's okay. i returned home the next day and didn't find her or her baby home. my husband said she contacted a friend in another town and wanted to move with them and left that morning, he handed me a letter he claimed was from her. this felt so odd...especially after reading the letter, i called her phone many many times but turned out my husband found it and said she must've left it behind. i was worried i had no means of contacting her to make sure she was okay, i contacted relatives but they knew nothing. yesterday, i got a call from an unknown number and it was her, we talked and she told me that she didn't leave on her own but my husband kicked her out after telling her that she was no longer welcome, and she needed to take responsibility for her decisions. i was in shock as she explained that she's not with a friend but at a shelter and she has no money. i waited til he got home and i blew up at him, he admitted he faked the letter an hid her phone then argued that it's his house to and he has a say, but he shouldn't have lied to me about my sister and causing her to be homeless. i he said i was being unfair and wrong to lash out at him for wanting peace in his home. i went upstairs and refused to argue anymore. i told him i'm going to pick her up tomorrow and he said he'd change the locks while i'm gone and i won't be allowed to bring her home. i'm thinking of going to a hotel but he kept saying that i'm letting my sister affect our lives by prioritizing her but there's a baby involved, my nephew and i can't leave him homeless. i get that it's house too but i don't see why he's so against her staying.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sister (20) got out of a terrible relationship and moved in with me and my husband and brought her 5 months old son, she's dealing with a handful of issues from ppd to depression. i asked my husband if he'd be okay with her moving in and he said absolutely, not just this but he was the one who picked her/brought her home. she stayed for 2 weeks and helped around the house, my husband started complaining about the baby crying but a newborn is expected to cry especially at night. he said it causes him stress although i suggested he put on earbuds. he suddenly told me to forget it and so i did. last week, i had to go out of town to attend a friend's funeral without my husband, he said he wanted to stay with my sister to make sure she's okay. i returned home the next day and didn't find her or her baby home. my husband said she contacted a friend in another town and wanted to move with them and left that morning, he handed me a letter he claimed was from her. this felt so odd...especially after reading the letter, i called her phone many many times but turned out my husband found it and said she must've left it behind. i was worried i had no means of contacting her to make sure she was okay, i contacted relatives but they knew nothing. yesterday, i got a call from an unknown number and it was her, we talked and she told me that she didn't leave on her own but my husband kicked her out after telling her that she was no longer welcome, and she needed to take responsibility for her decisions. i was in shock as she explained that she's not with a friend but at a shelter and she has no money. i waited til he got home and i blew up at him, he admitted he faked the letter an hid her phone then argued that it's his house to and he has a say, but he shouldn't have lied to me about my sister and causing her to be homeless. i he said i was being unfair and wrong to lash out at him for wanting peace in his home. i went upstairs and refused to argue anymore. i told him i'm going to pick her up tomorrow and he said he'd change the locks while i'm gone and i won't be allowed to bring her home. i'm thinking of going to a hotel but he kept saying that i'm letting my sister affect our lives by prioritizing her but there's a baby involved, my nephew and i can't leave him homeless. i get that it's house too but i don't see why he's so against her staying. [/INST] nta. he waited until you were out of town so that you couldn't object. so that you couldn't protect her as he- not only kicked her out- but took her fucking phone so she couldn't contact you. he is a dangerous man. he threw a woman and her newborn onto the street without a care in the fucking world. now, he's threatening to lock you out of your own house. you need to divorce him. immediately. </s>
AITA For telling my wife her parents are not allowed to ever watch our son again	my wife and i have a 2-year old son and have been married for 4 years. our anniversary was a month ago and we found a nice, secluded cabin on airbnb and rented it out for a long weekend getaway. my wife asked her parents if they would be willing to watch our son and they agreed as long as we dropped him off at their house. that worked for us since it was on our way anyway. i was raised lutheran and my wife was raised catholic, but neither of us currently go to church and have not had our son baptized. my mil knows this and hates it. she thinks our son needs to be baptized or he will burn in hell, she's that kind of catholic. so we go on our trip and when we pick up our son and ask how the weekend went, mil says everything went fine and that she has saved my son's soul from the devil. i ask her what she meant and she says she had our son baptized that morning at her church. i tried my best to keep my cool so i didn't scream at mil in front of my son, but i pretty much grabbed my son and left. on the car ride home i was fuming and told my wife as calmly as i could that this would be the last time her parents have our son unsupervised. she tried to downplay what her mom had done but i told her we need to wait until we get home to talk about it because i'm not fighting in front of my kid. when we got home and had a chance to talk about it, things got heated. i told my wife i no longer trust her parents with our son and that if they did something like this behind our backs i can't trust them to respect our wishes as parents in the future. i said this was a huge breach of trust and i will forever look t her mom differently. she continued to try to defend her mom saying that she was only doing what she thought was best for her grandson. she even downplayed it by saying that it's just a little water and a few words and we don't go to church anyway so what does it matter. i told her that under no circumstances will i allow her parents to watch our son by themselves again. i said that we can still let them see their grandson, but only if we are present. i also said that if she doesn't see what the big deal is with this situation, that maybe we aren't on the same page as parents and maybe we need to see a counselor. she started crying and said that this isn't the kind of decision i get to make on my own and i'm an asshole for trying to tell her what kind of relationship her parents can have with our son. i told her that i no longer have any trust or respect for her parents and that i don't know if there's anything they can do to repair that. i told her i don't care if that makes me an asshole, but what her parents did was unforgiveable in my eyes and they put themselves in this position to lose privileges with our son. she's been trying to convince me to change my mind for the last month, but i'm not budging. to me this is a hill i'm willing to die on.	27,198	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iycyxr/aita_for_telling_my_wife_her_parents_are_not/	2020-09-23 16:04:08	nta these types of baptisms violate church law, and if it actually was done by their priest you should contact the bishop and file a complaint. [is a secret baptism against the parents’ wishes the right thing to do? no. in fact, the church prohibits a secret baptism without the knowledge or approval of the parents](https://thecatholicspirit.com/faith/focus-on-faith/faith-fundamentals/secret-baptisms-parents-wishes/)	[deleted]	nta. that was a huge breach of trust. nothing religious should be done unilaterally either by the parents or in this case, grandparents. i do agree that counseling would be a good avenue for you both to get on the same page. also apparently you're an ahole for telling her that her parents can no longer see your son unsupervised but they aren't aholes for the unauthorised baptism? what??	nta. report the priest and/or parish that performed it without your consent to either the diocese or the archdiocese. the catholic church forbids baptism without parental permission. the baptism won't be officially recognized as a result and if mil lied and claimed she had your permission it will land her in hot water with the church. to your wife: letting her get away with something because "she thought it was best for her grandson" leads to a slippery slope. what if your mom decides it is best for your son to live with her during the week and you and your husband only see him on the weekends? are you going to let her get away with that? it isn't her kid! she doesn't get to decide "what's best," only his parents do. your mom stomped the "no baptism" boundary. if you let her get away with it she will stomp other boundaries you set up using the argument "its what i think is best for grandson!" next boundary could be "don't give him too much sugar." that stomp could cost you a lot of money. young children, when they have cavities, have to be knocked out in order to get them fixed. its not cheap, my nephew's last dental procedure (he has weak tooth enamel) cost my sister $3,000 out of pocket (insurance picked up the rest but it was a fight to get anesthesia covered. dental insurance didn't want to cover it, health insurance thought dental insurance should cover it because it was a dental procedure).	this is a tough one. on the one hand, your son is 2, so he likely won't remember or understand what happened. this isn't like the post yesterday where the mil told an 8-year-old that she would burn in hell if she didn't accept jesus and let herself be baptized. on the other hand, there's nothing saying your mil won't partake in that kind of behavior when your son is older. on the other other hand, putting a permanent ban on your mil is kind of extreme. it would be better to put her in a "time out" and give her the opportunity to change her behavior. that's your wife's mother. you put her in an awkward position by making absolute proclamations like this. i think nta for being upset, and nta for not trusting your ils, but i think before you make any "never/ever" proclamations, you need to explain to your mil that what she did wasn't okay, and that you're reconsidering how much you trust her with your son. definitely also hit up the counseling. your wife needs to understand that this is 10/10 on the importance scale for you, and that kind of trumps it only being a 3/10 on the importance scale for her. you also need to understand that it's very harsh to unilaterally ban your partner's parents from things, and to tell your partner that you have no respect for their parents is almost always going to sting, even if you're in the right.	go get the counseling. there is a lot in this post and it would be impossible to tell if writing off the grandparents is appropriate or not, or worth destroying your marriage over.	going against the grain here apparently, but yta. was what your mil did wrong, a huge breach of trust, and something to be discussed? yes, absolutely. did it actively hurt your child in any way? no. i get it's an issue with respecting your choices as parents, but yta because you're now trying to make unilateral decisions about whether your partner's mother can see your child, without considering your partner's feelings on the situation and the effect your decree (yes, decree) will have on her and her familial relations. she's right, you're an asshole for trying to force this decision on her on your own. this is something you and she need to agree upon, and you're telling her it's your way or the highway - and guess what, if she chooses the highway, your son is going to see your mil unsupervised whether you like it or not.	esh- so i agree with 95% if what you have said. i think in almost all areas, you are completely correct. the only thing i think you're going a little too big on is the "never can fix what they did" part of it. you and your wife are a team. you need to be on the same page about this. but you going that strong on the "never" part of it is clearly too much for your wife. if her parents turn their behavior around and improve, there needs to be a "path" towards reconciliation, or your wife will not be on your side. i'd rather get 90% of what i wanted with my wife as my team vs fight for 100% and her be against it. because that leads to resentment or secrets or lies or nothing good. be willing to allow them to change. make it clear what your expectations and needs are. make sure the "time and actual change" part is very clear. make that hill to climb hard to do, but don't make it impossible or you'll lose out.	nta - and yes, you both need counseling. i'm catholic, and that was way beyond the line. you don't baptize someone's child without their permission. have you asked the mil about this?	yta for how you went about it. you don't get to dictate terms to the person who's supposed to be your partner. you do get to tell them how you feel, tell them what you'd like to see happen, and ask them for their input, then come to a consensus, which will likely involve compromise.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	YTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	0.425021	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have a 2-year old son and have been married for 4 years. our anniversary was a month ago and we found a nice, secluded cabin on airbnb and rented it out for a long weekend getaway. my wife asked her parents if they would be willing to watch our son and they agreed as long as we dropped him off at their house. that worked for us since it was on our way anyway. i was raised lutheran and my wife was raised catholic, but neither of us currently go to church and have not had our son baptized. my mil knows this and hates it. she thinks our son needs to be baptized or he will burn in hell, she's that kind of catholic. so we go on our trip and when we pick up our son and ask how the weekend went, mil says everything went fine and that she has saved my son's soul from the devil. i ask her what she meant and she says she had our son baptized that morning at her church. i tried my best to keep my cool so i didn't scream at mil in front of my son, but i pretty much grabbed my son and left. on the car ride home i was fuming and told my wife as calmly as i could that this would be the last time her parents have our son unsupervised. she tried to downplay what her mom had done but i told her we need to wait until we get home to talk about it because i'm not fighting in front of my kid. when we got home and had a chance to talk about it, things got heated. i told my wife i no longer trust her parents with our son and that if they did something like this behind our backs i can't trust them to respect our wishes as parents in the future. i said this was a huge breach of trust and i will forever look t her mom differently. she continued to try to defend her mom saying that she was only doing what she thought was best for her grandson. she even downplayed it by saying that it's just a little water and a few words and we don't go to church anyway so what does it matter. i told her that under no circumstances will i allow her parents to watch our son by themselves again. i said that we can still let them see their grandson, but only if we are present. i also said that if she doesn't see what the big deal is with this situation, that maybe we aren't on the same page as parents and maybe we need to see a counselor. she started crying and said that this isn't the kind of decision i get to make on my own and i'm an asshole for trying to tell her what kind of relationship her parents can have with our son. i told her that i no longer have any trust or respect for her parents and that i don't know if there's anything they can do to repair that. i told her i don't care if that makes me an asshole, but what her parents did was unforgiveable in my eyes and they put themselves in this position to lose privileges with our son. she's been trying to convince me to change my mind for the last month, but i'm not budging. to me this is a hill i'm willing to die on.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife and i have a 2-year old son and have been married for 4 years. our anniversary was a month ago and we found a nice, secluded cabin on airbnb and rented it out for a long weekend getaway. my wife asked her parents if they would be willing to watch our son and they agreed as long as we dropped him off at their house. that worked for us since it was on our way anyway. i was raised lutheran and my wife was raised catholic, but neither of us currently go to church and have not had our son baptized. my mil knows this and hates it. she thinks our son needs to be baptized or he will burn in hell, she's that kind of catholic. so we go on our trip and when we pick up our son and ask how the weekend went, mil says everything went fine and that she has saved my son's soul from the devil. i ask her what she meant and she says she had our son baptized that morning at her church. i tried my best to keep my cool so i didn't scream at mil in front of my son, but i pretty much grabbed my son and left. on the car ride home i was fuming and told my wife as calmly as i could that this would be the last time her parents have our son unsupervised. she tried to downplay what her mom had done but i told her we need to wait until we get home to talk about it because i'm not fighting in front of my kid. when we got home and had a chance to talk about it, things got heated. i told my wife i no longer trust her parents with our son and that if they did something like this behind our backs i can't trust them to respect our wishes as parents in the future. i said this was a huge breach of trust and i will forever look t her mom differently. she continued to try to defend her mom saying that she was only doing what she thought was best for her grandson. she even downplayed it by saying that it's just a little water and a few words and we don't go to church anyway so what does it matter. i told her that under no circumstances will i allow her parents to watch our son by themselves again. i said that we can still let them see their grandson, but only if we are present. i also said that if she doesn't see what the big deal is with this situation, that maybe we aren't on the same page as parents and maybe we need to see a counselor. she started crying and said that this isn't the kind of decision i get to make on my own and i'm an asshole for trying to tell her what kind of relationship her parents can have with our son. i told her that i no longer have any trust or respect for her parents and that i don't know if there's anything they can do to repair that. i told her i don't care if that makes me an asshole, but what her parents did was unforgiveable in my eyes and they put themselves in this position to lose privileges with our son. she's been trying to convince me to change my mind for the last month, but i'm not budging. to me this is a hill i'm willing to die on. [/INST] nta these types of baptisms violate church law, and if it actually was done by their priest you should contact the bishop and file a complaint. [is a secret baptism against the parents’ wishes the right thing to do? no. in fact, the church prohibits a secret baptism without the knowledge or approval of the parents](https://thecatholicspirit.com/faith/focus-on-faith/faith-fundamentals/secret-baptisms-parents-wishes/) </s>
AITA for telling my husband he “should have just married a white woman”	for context i’m a black woman and my husband is white. i have 4c hair and i wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well. i used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while i tossed and turned in my sleep. but recently i’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and i don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so i started wrapping my hair up again. first night i wore it my husband said that i looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so i let him have that one. but since then, it’s the little comments when i get into bed. like “are we doing the slave tonight?” or “should i help you into bed grandma?” little things like that. i’ve explained why l do it, and i think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now. last night i was getting ready for bed and i couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so i asked dh if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. he wouldn’t stop joking around even when i got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and i snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman. he got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. we haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. the only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that i made him feel really racist and i didn’t think about it that way. i thought he was upset because i yelled at him but i didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted i probably should not have brought race into it but i wanted to illustrate a point.) now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? i don’t think it was that serious and i don’t want to go through all that. aita?	27,186	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iaubc9/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_should_have_just/	2020-08-16 15:32:21	nta saying your black wife looks like a slave is fucking weird and racist. trying to control how you style your hair is weird. being so bothered by a headscarf is weird. i think he’s the only one with “race issues” that he’s projecting on to you.	nta - you made him feel racist because he was being racist. it was really mean of him to make those comments and hide your scarf. i think you should go to counseling if only to have a third party tell him how wrong he was for doing that to you.	wait so he said “are we doing slave tonight” but you made him feel like a racist?? go ahead and call the race therapist asap. also! you need back up scarves sis, i have like 4. hide my shyt, try me :)	nta wtf as a black woman with a white husband, when i lost my bonnet, he went to target late at night to grab me a few new ones. you can’t marry a black woman and not want her to do black woman things. disgusting slave comment too. wtf is he thinking. dont let him gaslight you! this started with him putting what he wanted over you and even trying to force you to do what he wants and saying it looks like a slave to sway you away from it.	nta... he was being racist, though? you might tolerate or be forgiving of the slavery jokes but another black girl might not be. not sure why he's upset he was made to "feel racist" when he was being racist. keep wrapping your hair, get counseling for your bfs immaturity. i hope he treats you better in the future or you find someone more respectful.	he's right, the two of you should go to therapy to discuss your race issues. his issue is that he doesn't understand what it means to be married to a black woman with 4c hair. he needs a safe space to ask questions and get answers that aren't yelled at him. wear your headscarf; no relationship is worth sacrificing your edges. nta.	nta if he feels like a racist it's not because you 'made him' feel like a racist. it's because he is acting like a racist. referring to your wife as a slave is an extremely racist thing to do. done once, it would have been a joke in extremely bad taste. done repeatedly, he's just a genuine racist.	nta. saying your wife looks like a slave is, without question, a racist statement to make. you didn’t make him feel racist. his attitude toward your scarf and hair care is racist.	nta. i have 4c chemically straighten hair, in my country almost all women have the same done to their hairs and we sleep with hair nets, not even beautiful and stilish silk scarfs, and our so don't mess with us for that. it looks like he needs a reality check on two things, first being the fact the women have flaws and work to be beautiful and two that having a black wife is not a pass for racist jokes and to mess with (black) grooming issues he doesn't understand.	nta you should go to couples counseling for racial issues because he's being fucking racist. telling a black woman who has her hair in a scarf that she looks like a slave is disgusting and clearly he knows thats racist otherwise he wouldn't feel guilty when you snapped at him.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context i’m a black woman and my husband is white. i have 4c hair and i wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well. i used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while i tossed and turned in my sleep. but recently i’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and i don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so i started wrapping my hair up again. first night i wore it my husband said that i looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so i let him have that one. but since then, it’s the little comments when i get into bed. like “are we doing the slave tonight?” or “should i help you into bed grandma?” little things like that. i’ve explained why l do it, and i think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now. last night i was getting ready for bed and i couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so i asked dh if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. he wouldn’t stop joking around even when i got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and i snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman. he got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. we haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. the only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that i made him feel really racist and i didn’t think about it that way. i thought he was upset because i yelled at him but i didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted i probably should not have brought race into it but i wanted to illustrate a point.) now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? i don’t think it was that serious and i don’t want to go through all that. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> for context i’m a black woman and my husband is white. i have 4c hair and i wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well. i used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while i tossed and turned in my sleep. but recently i’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and i don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so i started wrapping my hair up again. first night i wore it my husband said that i looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so i let him have that one. but since then, it’s the little comments when i get into bed. like “are we doing the slave tonight?” or “should i help you into bed grandma?” little things like that. i’ve explained why l do it, and i think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now. last night i was getting ready for bed and i couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so i asked dh if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. he wouldn’t stop joking around even when i got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and i snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman. he got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. we haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. the only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that i made him feel really racist and i didn’t think about it that way. i thought he was upset because i yelled at him but i didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted i probably should not have brought race into it but i wanted to illustrate a point.) now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? i don’t think it was that serious and i don’t want to go through all that. aita? [/INST] nta saying your black wife looks like a slave is fucking weird and racist. trying to control how you style your hair is weird. being so bothered by a headscarf is weird. i think he’s the only one with “race issues” that he’s projecting on to you. </s>
AITA for “weaponizing my femininity” by crying since the teacher wouldn’t stop another student harassing me ?	update at the bottom edit2: since many people are sending me dms, me and my dads went to the principal today. will post an update when the situation is solved.	27,184	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfnpcs/aita_for_weaponizing_my_femininity_by_crying/	2022-06-19 05:01:11	nta. go back to the principal and tell your dads. this counts as harassment and an unsafe environment and your parents need to immediately start working with the school board to stop it	nta talk to your parents and try to get them to switch you into another class. your teacher shouldn’t be teaching.	you’re not the asshole. duncan is discovering that actions have consequences	nta go back to the principal and let her know what your teacher said, as well as what duncan's friends are messaging you about. i know you don't want to get your parents involved, but i'd also suggest you do that. as it stands, you can't approach mr. smith for non-homophobia related issues right now as well, because i wouldn't trust him to do anything. speak to your principal, and ask if you can be switched to another class. i should note: > the principal told me to go directly to her if anything like that happens again it already has. your teacher's comments were unacceptable, and duncan's friends are being horrific. going to her would simply be doing as she asked you to.	nta duncan is a homophobic jerk who weaponized your teacher against you to get his way. mr smith is a homophobic and sexist jerk who thinks women should just let guys harass them because \insert stupid excuse here\. i hate that we are not allowed to cry because it is 'weaponizing femininity' or we are being 'hormonal', 'psycho' or 'unreasonable'. women aren't allowed emotions because it might make men feel bad and it sucks.	nta. your teacher is as much of a bully as that duncan. he's also a misogynist. seeing how the principal already supported you, you could report mr smith for those comments, he really shouldn't be teaching.	nta by a long shot. duncan was wrong and should have been reported long ago. duncan's friends are harassing you. you need to take the principal up on her offer and report them. mr. smith was also way out of line, and he probably should also be reported for his remarks after meeting in ms. yates's office. he should never have approached you like that. his remarks show me that he is probably sexist and probably shouldn't be teaching. i highly doubt you are the first girl to suffer in his class. you also need to bring in your parents. i know you want to spare them, but they are adults, and it is their job to protect you, not the other way around.	nta, your teacher is an incompetent and a misogynist. what you did was get a bully to back off, and i'm actually very impressed with your methodology- had you fought, yelled or insulted duncan back i guarantee you, you both would have been called in and you would have been suspended too. for the record, duncan is not a "good boy" and he earned his own mark on his record for being a homophobic entitled little shite. tell your dads what is going on, though.	nta he’s a bully and a homophobe who uses his religion as an excuse to be cruel. mr. smith sounds like an ah. he probably agrees with duncan. you had a brilliant solution. if his life is ruined because he wa suspended for five days, then maybe he should stfu and mind his own business.	nta. guaranteed that teacher is "religious" (we know what that's code word for in situations like that) too. the teacher knows this student isn't trying to understand. its an excuse for hate.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: update at the bottom edit2: since many people are sending me dms, me and my dads went to the principal today. will post an update when the situation is solved.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> update at the bottom edit2: since many people are sending me dms, me and my dads went to the principal today. will post an update when the situation is solved. [/INST] nta. go back to the principal and tell your dads. this counts as harassment and an unsafe environment and your parents need to immediately start working with the school board to stop it </s>
AITA for putting "ugly" one way mirrors on the windows facing one of my neighbors because I saw the husband looking in my windows?	i live in an apartment on the ground floor of a house that was converted to apartments. my neighbors (one street over but the back of their house faces the back of the house i live in) can see my whole backyard and vice versa. my apartment has a whole wall of windows that are on the back of the house. it's gorgeous and is a big reason i picked the place, i love keeping plants and it let in a lot of light. looking out, there is the neighbors backyard which is large and comes up close to my place, the property line is maybe 10 or 15 feet from my windows. once it has gotten to be warm out i've noticed the husband of the family who owns that house looking into my apartment a lot. even sometimes i'll look up and see him, look away then look back minutes later and he's still looking. so i started shutting the shades during the day but that was kind of annoying, my place is a dark cramped shoebox without the windows open. and i can't do that for too long because the plants were struggling without light so i bought these window coverings that make windows into one way mirrors. during the day when it is light out, my windows look just like mirrors now. from the inside it looks pretty much the same, the windows look tinted slightly darker but that's it. from the outside you can't see in at all, it looks exactly like mirrors. the section of windows it's applied to is about 8 feet high and 20 feet wide. after a week of the window coverings being up, both of the parents from the neighbors house came to my door and wanted to talk to me. the wife was complaining about the windows for a lot of reasons... 1. they were ugly 2. it was uncomfortable, especially for the teens and their friends, to have a huge mirror adjacent to the swimming pool. it's at a time that they feel insecure about looks and they have lost interest in hanging out by the pool. 3. in the afternoon and evening, it was reflecting a lot of extra sunlight into their backyard, they couldn't enjoy eating dinner on the back porch with the sun in their eyes. i said sorry about the inconvenience but i wanted it for privacy. they both pushed back on that some and i said that i needed privacy because of the husband's starting. he started denying it in front of his wife and so i took out my phone where i'd taken pictures and sent it to my group of friends, and showed her a couple pictires of him gaping at my apartment and the texts from that time. he got mad and said he incidentally looked over, and the 8 foot by 20 foot mirror was a crazy overreaction. i said that i'd like to keep it, and that i was sorry but frankly this was avoidable. i think they're both mad because they called my landlord, who brushed them off aita for putting the mirrored film on my windows?	27,122	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mm1o6i/aita_for_putting_ugly_one_way_mirrors_on_the/	2021-04-07 13:08:03	nta. you proved that you needed the privacy because her husband is a creep and they’re upset for being called out. you don’t owe them anything and if your landlord hasn’t contact you about it then you don’t need to do anything that you don’t want to.	[deleted]	nta. you only put it up because he was staring into your window. whatever his reason, that's pretty creepy, especially since it seems to be happening a lot. tell them you'll only consider taking it down if they put up covers on their property which stop the husband from being able to see in your window. if they don't like it then too bad. any complaints from any other party who doesn't like it should also be directed to the peeping husband.	nta because of why you did it, but mirrored blinds that increase heat and confuse wildlife don’t sound ideal. have you tried magical blinds? they are also one way but don’t give off a reflection. i would argue that since the neighbors are the ones being bothered they can pay for your new blinds but that would obviously escalate the situation.	eh..... i know this isn’t the popular opinion here but i’d say esh only because there are other types of privacy window coverings you could have picked that aren’t mirrors. you’re punishing the entire family for something the husband was doing. having a whole 8ft by 20ft mirror shooting sun into your yard would be incredibly annoying.	you had a privacy issue, you have proof, you took steps to protect your privacy in a temporary, non damaging way to the apartment youre renting (in my experience privacy film on windows literally just peels off, please correct me if this is not the case) the above makes you nta. i would have done the same.	this is brilliant! nta. even without the creepy staring you are entitled to do what you like to the windows (with your landlords permission)	info: if you were able to take pictures of this neighbor staring at you, and multiple times at that, isn’t it likely he couldn’t see in the windows and was looking at the reflection? perhaps just staring off into space instead of being a creep? it sounds like a very large percentage of a very small yard is covered in your wall of windows.	hrm. in terms of just the mirror issue (not going into the husbands behavior), i think it’s nah. the first two points made by the neighbors are dumb. the final point has merit. putting up a mirror that shines light at people’s houses is a bit of an ah move, though this seems an unintentional side effect. since you are not specifically angling the mirrors at them, and you put them in as a result of their behavior, i think the onus falls on them to adapt to your mirrors as you have adapted to their ogling. now, there may be local laws around this sort of thing, but i do not know them. angling light at another house could* have the potential to start a fire, similar to a magnifying glass. you might want to look into both of these situations for your liability/ safety.	esh. you're no ah for wanting your privacy, that's understandable. but not wanting a 20 x 8 ft mirror streaming sunlight into their backyard is also a reasonable request that you should be accommodating. are there no non-mirror window covers that you could use instead? we have something with a flower pattern on our bathroom window to keep unwanted eyes out, and there's no mirror effect. maybe look for an alternative solution?	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	INFO	NAH	ESH	0.155902	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in an apartment on the ground floor of a house that was converted to apartments. my neighbors (one street over but the back of their house faces the back of the house i live in) can see my whole backyard and vice versa. my apartment has a whole wall of windows that are on the back of the house. it's gorgeous and is a big reason i picked the place, i love keeping plants and it let in a lot of light. looking out, there is the neighbors backyard which is large and comes up close to my place, the property line is maybe 10 or 15 feet from my windows. once it has gotten to be warm out i've noticed the husband of the family who owns that house looking into my apartment a lot. even sometimes i'll look up and see him, look away then look back minutes later and he's still looking. so i started shutting the shades during the day but that was kind of annoying, my place is a dark cramped shoebox without the windows open. and i can't do that for too long because the plants were struggling without light so i bought these window coverings that make windows into one way mirrors. during the day when it is light out, my windows look just like mirrors now. from the inside it looks pretty much the same, the windows look tinted slightly darker but that's it. from the outside you can't see in at all, it looks exactly like mirrors. the section of windows it's applied to is about 8 feet high and 20 feet wide. after a week of the window coverings being up, both of the parents from the neighbors house came to my door and wanted to talk to me. the wife was complaining about the windows for a lot of reasons... 1. they were ugly 2. it was uncomfortable, especially for the teens and their friends, to have a huge mirror adjacent to the swimming pool. it's at a time that they feel insecure about looks and they have lost interest in hanging out by the pool. 3. in the afternoon and evening, it was reflecting a lot of extra sunlight into their backyard, they couldn't enjoy eating dinner on the back porch with the sun in their eyes. i said sorry about the inconvenience but i wanted it for privacy. they both pushed back on that some and i said that i needed privacy because of the husband's starting. he started denying it in front of his wife and so i took out my phone where i'd taken pictures and sent it to my group of friends, and showed her a couple pictires of him gaping at my apartment and the texts from that time. he got mad and said he incidentally looked over, and the 8 foot by 20 foot mirror was a crazy overreaction. i said that i'd like to keep it, and that i was sorry but frankly this was avoidable. i think they're both mad because they called my landlord, who brushed them off aita for putting the mirrored film on my windows?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i live in an apartment on the ground floor of a house that was converted to apartments. my neighbors (one street over but the back of their house faces the back of the house i live in) can see my whole backyard and vice versa. my apartment has a whole wall of windows that are on the back of the house. it's gorgeous and is a big reason i picked the place, i love keeping plants and it let in a lot of light. looking out, there is the neighbors backyard which is large and comes up close to my place, the property line is maybe 10 or 15 feet from my windows. once it has gotten to be warm out i've noticed the husband of the family who owns that house looking into my apartment a lot. even sometimes i'll look up and see him, look away then look back minutes later and he's still looking. so i started shutting the shades during the day but that was kind of annoying, my place is a dark cramped shoebox without the windows open. and i can't do that for too long because the plants were struggling without light so i bought these window coverings that make windows into one way mirrors. during the day when it is light out, my windows look just like mirrors now. from the inside it looks pretty much the same, the windows look tinted slightly darker but that's it. from the outside you can't see in at all, it looks exactly like mirrors. the section of windows it's applied to is about 8 feet high and 20 feet wide. after a week of the window coverings being up, both of the parents from the neighbors house came to my door and wanted to talk to me. the wife was complaining about the windows for a lot of reasons... 1. they were ugly 2. it was uncomfortable, especially for the teens and their friends, to have a huge mirror adjacent to the swimming pool. it's at a time that they feel insecure about looks and they have lost interest in hanging out by the pool. 3. in the afternoon and evening, it was reflecting a lot of extra sunlight into their backyard, they couldn't enjoy eating dinner on the back porch with the sun in their eyes. i said sorry about the inconvenience but i wanted it for privacy. they both pushed back on that some and i said that i needed privacy because of the husband's starting. he started denying it in front of his wife and so i took out my phone where i'd taken pictures and sent it to my group of friends, and showed her a couple pictires of him gaping at my apartment and the texts from that time. he got mad and said he incidentally looked over, and the 8 foot by 20 foot mirror was a crazy overreaction. i said that i'd like to keep it, and that i was sorry but frankly this was avoidable. i think they're both mad because they called my landlord, who brushed them off aita for putting the mirrored film on my windows? [/INST] nta. you proved that you needed the privacy because her husband is a creep and they’re upset for being called out. you don’t owe them anything and if your landlord hasn’t contact you about it then you don’t need to do anything that you don’t want to. </s>
AITA for not letting my boyfriend name our daughter Renesmae?	my boyfriend and i are both 18, and 35w pregnant with our daughter. since the day i found out we were having a girl he was hell bent on naming her renesmae, absolutely refuses to compromise. he's a massive twilight fan, i personally hate it and would much rather that we don't name our baby after a fictional character. it kinda hit boiling point last night, for weeks i've been telling him we are coming up with something else becaudr i'm not naming my child that. i went onto instagram where he had posted a picture of us and said in the caption "i can't wait to meet you renesmae." i got really really mad my this. i told him to delete that, or change the caption because i'm not naming our daughter that. he refused, saying his friends knew now so we had to stick with it. i said "i haven't fucking agreed to naming our daughter after some stupid made up character from the worst books ever fucking made. delete the post now or get the fuck out of my house". he left to spend the night at a friends and my parents who heard the argument said i should just let him name our daughter that, saying it probably means a lot to him and that i'm being an unreasonable asshole. aita?	27,090	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lmp6fs/aita_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_name_our/	2021-02-18 15:25:24	nta baby names fall into the "two yeses, one no" category. he absolutely sucks for the post and trying to use that as leverage to get his way. be careful about someone who uses such a tactic. your parents also suck for telling you to just go along with the name. at the hospital (presuming you're giving birth in one) i would tell the nurses not to let him sign the birth certificate without you eta your edit makes it even worse.. they get extra ah points for saying you should just go along with a name you don't want nor can you pronounce	info: he named your daughter after the lochness monster?!?	nta if he's getting this bent out of shape over figuring out a name you both can agree on, then i worry about his general preparedness for parenthood. your parents taking his side is concerning. he's wrong, you're right. find a name you both can agree on. if he digs his heels in and says it's renesmae or nothing, then effectively, he's waiving his right to a say. >"i can't wait to meet you renesmae." also, just for clarity, the twilight's character's name is renesmee. if it's him misspelling it, then how big a fan could he be?	nta. twilight discourse has ebbed, thank god, but your daughter will cop hell for being a renesmae, just like all the little samwises of this world. also, you both get a say. she's not his daughter. she is the daughter of you both. renee is a pretty nice name, though.	nta and this is a huge warning sign. if he refuses to let you have a say in your own babies name, how controlling is he going to be of you when you're raising a child together? you're 18 so yes you are an adult, and judging from what you've posted you're fairly mature, but is this guy seriously the one you want to spend your entire life with? he sounds like a 4 year old. anyways, nta and he needs to get a grip. it's your baby too, not just his. when you go into labour, make sure you inform everyone that he is not allowed to name the child in the event that you fall unconscious or are taken away for any kind of emergency treatment, incase he tries to pull something behind your back.	nta - also, make sure you give the baby your last name. your boyfriend doesn’t sound too bright, and doesn’t sound like he cares about you. i wouldn’t bet on the longevity of this relationship or him sticking around. in the hospital, you get to choose all of the babies names. as the person giving birth, and an unwed mother, you have all the legal rights.	other ppl will probably disagree with me but nta bc i agree that that is a really stupid name and a really terrible series ;) good luck!	nta he may have his heart set on this name but he shouldn't be posting on social media like that and trying to steamroll you. your parents are out of line too. i'm sure they are just freaking out because their 18-year-old pregnant daughter looks like she might be dumping the boyfriend and trying to figure out how to deal with that. letting him name your daughter the name that you hate is not a good idea, it's just the easiest way out of the conflict. if you were my daughter i would say that your boyfriend's behavior over this name issue is a red flag and it makes me worried that he's going to act out in the same way over and over again whenever you disagree. he's going to be the baby's father no matter what, so you are going to have to learn to set boundaries and stand your ground, so you did the right thing.	nta. as many, many, many previous posts on baby names - especially pop culture baby names - have established, if one parent doesn't like the name, it's time to move on to a new option. besides, even the majority of twilight fans i've encountered don't like reneesme as a name.	nta standard rule for baby naming is that either parent can veto a name. and that name is godawful so you should 100% veto it.	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i are both 18, and 35w pregnant with our daughter. since the day i found out we were having a girl he was hell bent on naming her renesmae, absolutely refuses to compromise. he's a massive twilight fan, i personally hate it and would much rather that we don't name our baby after a fictional character. it kinda hit boiling point last night, for weeks i've been telling him we are coming up with something else becaudr i'm not naming my child that. i went onto instagram where he had posted a picture of us and said in the caption "i can't wait to meet you renesmae." i got really really mad my this. i told him to delete that, or change the caption because i'm not naming our daughter that. he refused, saying his friends knew now so we had to stick with it. i said "i haven't fucking agreed to naming our daughter after some stupid made up character from the worst books ever fucking made. delete the post now or get the fuck out of my house". he left to spend the night at a friends and my parents who heard the argument said i should just let him name our daughter that, saying it probably means a lot to him and that i'm being an unreasonable asshole. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my boyfriend and i are both 18, and 35w pregnant with our daughter. since the day i found out we were having a girl he was hell bent on naming her renesmae, absolutely refuses to compromise. he's a massive twilight fan, i personally hate it and would much rather that we don't name our baby after a fictional character. it kinda hit boiling point last night, for weeks i've been telling him we are coming up with something else becaudr i'm not naming my child that. i went onto instagram where he had posted a picture of us and said in the caption "i can't wait to meet you renesmae." i got really really mad my this. i told him to delete that, or change the caption because i'm not naming our daughter that. he refused, saying his friends knew now so we had to stick with it. i said "i haven't fucking agreed to naming our daughter after some stupid made up character from the worst books ever fucking made. delete the post now or get the fuck out of my house". he left to spend the night at a friends and my parents who heard the argument said i should just let him name our daughter that, saying it probably means a lot to him and that i'm being an unreasonable asshole. aita? [/INST] nta baby names fall into the "two yeses, one no" category. he absolutely sucks for the post and trying to use that as leverage to get his way. be careful about someone who uses such a tactic. your parents also suck for telling you to just go along with the name. at the hospital (presuming you're giving birth in one) i would tell the nurses not to let him sign the birth certificate without you eta your edit makes it even worse.. they get extra ah points for saying you should just go along with a name you don't want nor can you pronounce* </s>
AITA for flipping out on my sons school after they lied to him about donation prizes?	i will try not keep this short with just points rather than description. if info is needed, please ask. son is in 4th grade. school is only open on mondays. the rest of the week he is home with me. they dont do virtual learning during the rest of the week. no zoom calls are made. no teacher actually checks in. homework at home is not to be sent back to the school and instead they get a participation grade the following week if they tell their teacher they completed it. its backwards and your students arent being graded for the work they actually do. every monday we get a new flier in the mail asking for donations. last week we got a flier that said to send out 20 emails to individuals to ask them for donations, with the promise of prizes for participation. they also had other prizes on this flier. basically, the more people who donate using your name, the bigger the prize you get. my son wanted the headphones prize. no where on the flier did it say how many donations was needed. i called the school to ask and they said 12. i sent out the 20 emails. 14 people donated. the donation list was to be emailed to the school with the student id and we were to pick up the prizes this past monday. son was losing his mind excited because he got the 12 donations needed for the headphones. we walk in and they proceed to tell me and my son that he did not qualify for the prize because in order to be eligible, you needed to get those 20 donations. apparently the prizes for donations started counting after you recieved the 20. they turned damn near every student away, not just my kid. so i sent the boy out with his father and pulled the teacher and principle aside to let them know that i thought it was fucked up that they got these kids hopes up for absolutely nothing and that all they accomplished was destroying the children's spirits by lying to their faces. i then told them that i was told by the secretary that he only needed 12 donations for those headphones. they said "sorry you feel that way. this is just how things are right now due to covid." so i responded with "oh. so lying to students and breaking their spirits is okay because of covid? failing to provide virtual learning for the rest of the week like other schools is okay because of covid? asking for donations when the kids are only here once a week must be okay too right?" i then walked out. well, my son got the headphones in the mail today with a note from the superintendent that said "i'm very sorry for the actions of the school system and the confusion formed around the donation drive. we are trying to work with the families, not turn them away. please accept this as an apology." my son is over the moon. my husband says that i was being a karen and that we should have just dropped it because it teaches our son that life isnt fair and that i now look like an ah helicopter parent. aita? i dont think i am.	27,067	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6qi9b/aita_for_flipping_out_on_my_sons_school_after/	2020-10-07 13:08:55	nta. being a karen is when you make an overly dramatic scene over something that either doesn’t matter or isn’t actually an issue. you made a point to pull the principal aside and not make a public scene to make a legitimate point.	nta. it sounds more like a pyramid scheme than a fundraiser, and by not laying out clear guidelines for prizes it allowed them to pull crap like this. they knew exactly what they were doing.	nta nta nta . as a teacher myself that’s messed up . can’t believe the school actually did that to the kids after everything that’s going on . they basically lied and got their hopes up. you did the right damn thing . next time they know not to play stupid games . i do hope the other kids were given a prize too .	your husband needs to look up the definition of a karen, you handled this like a.....well idk what they call badass moms, i vote we should use your name because this is exactly how you handle that situation😂😂	nta they lied, and tried to cover it up by blaming you. you taught your son to hold people accountable for the truth. is this a public school? because if it is a private school, i would not pay their tuition at all. they are not teaching.	nta calling you a karen for not letting the school get away with lying is really sexist. he thinks women should shut up and never complain because "life is not fair"? uh, no dude. complaining about the school administration lying to its students makes you a responsible parent. your husband is afraid to speak up, and is embarrassed because you are not. he needs to grow a spine, not insult you because he's afraid to. *edited, typos.	hell no, nta. and tell your husband, the superintendent doesn't get involved unless it's a big deal. that's all the proof you need, right there.	nta. just because you spoke sternly with someone in charge doesn’t make you a karen. sometimes that’s what’s needed. they should have been more clear about the rules, like every donation i’ve seen run ever, and the way the school is teaching and grading (or not, more like) is fucked up and not good for students’ longterm education.	nta. life may not always be fair, but that is all the more reason for your son to learn to challenge unfairness. i would hazard a guess that the school may have underestimated the number of donations that would be made, and the number of prizes they would need to hand out. if kids were expected to send out 20 emails, it stands to reason that 20 would be the maximum number of donations to be made in any child's name. it therefore makes no sense that your son would need to get 32 donations to qualify for a prize.	nta. nowadays i think people use the word karen too loosely. some actions are justified and does not make you a karen. i think people should be more aware of what being a 'karen' really means.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i will try not keep this short with just points rather than description. if info is needed, please ask. son is in 4th grade. school is only open on mondays. the rest of the week he is home with me. they dont do virtual learning during the rest of the week. no zoom calls are made. no teacher actually checks in. homework at home is not to be sent back to the school and instead they get a participation grade the following week if they tell their teacher they completed it. its backwards and your students arent being graded for the work they actually do. every monday we get a new flier in the mail asking for donations. last week we got a flier that said to send out 20 emails to individuals to ask them for donations, with the promise of prizes for participation. they also had other prizes on this flier. basically, the more people who donate using your name, the bigger the prize you get. my son wanted the headphones prize. no where on the flier did it say how many donations was needed. i called the school to ask and they said 12. i sent out the 20 emails. 14 people donated. the donation list was to be emailed to the school with the student id and we were to pick up the prizes this past monday. son was losing his mind excited because he got the 12 donations needed for the headphones. we walk in and they proceed to tell me and my son that he did not qualify for the prize because in order to be eligible, you needed to get those 20 donations. apparently the prizes for donations started counting after you recieved the 20. they turned damn near every student away, not just my kid. so i sent the boy out with his father and pulled the teacher and principle aside to let them know that i thought it was fucked up that they got these kids hopes up for absolutely nothing and that all they accomplished was destroying the children's spirits by lying to their faces. i then told them that i was told by the secretary that he only needed 12 donations for those headphones. they said "sorry you feel that way. this is just how things are right now due to covid." so i responded with "oh. so lying to students and breaking their spirits is okay because of covid? failing to provide virtual learning for the rest of the week like other schools is okay because of covid? asking for donations when the kids are only here once a week must be okay too right?" i then walked out. well, my son got the headphones in the mail today with a note from the superintendent that said "i'm very sorry for the actions of the school system and the confusion formed around the donation drive. we are trying to work with the families, not turn them away. please accept this as an apology." my son is over the moon. my husband says that i was being a karen and that we should have just dropped it because it teaches our son that life isnt fair and that i now look like an ah helicopter parent. aita? i dont think i am.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i will try not keep this short with just points rather than description. if info is needed, please ask. son is in 4th grade. school is only open on mondays. the rest of the week he is home with me. they dont do virtual learning during the rest of the week. no zoom calls are made. no teacher actually checks in. homework at home is not to be sent back to the school and instead they get a participation grade the following week if they tell their teacher they completed it. its backwards and your students arent being graded for the work they actually do. every monday we get a new flier in the mail asking for donations. last week we got a flier that said to send out 20 emails to individuals to ask them for donations, with the promise of prizes for participation. they also had other prizes on this flier. basically, the more people who donate using your name, the bigger the prize you get. my son wanted the headphones prize. no where on the flier did it say how many donations was needed. i called the school to ask and they said 12. i sent out the 20 emails. 14 people donated. the donation list was to be emailed to the school with the student id and we were to pick up the prizes this past monday. son was losing his mind excited because he got the 12 donations needed for the headphones. we walk in and they proceed to tell me and my son that he did not qualify for the prize because in order to be eligible, you needed to get those 20 donations. apparently the prizes for donations started counting after you recieved the 20. they turned damn near every student away, not just my kid. so i sent the boy out with his father and pulled the teacher and principle aside to let them know that i thought it was fucked up that they got these kids hopes up for absolutely nothing and that all they accomplished was destroying the children's spirits by lying to their faces. i then told them that i was told by the secretary that he only needed 12 donations for those headphones. they said "sorry you feel that way. this is just how things are right now due to covid." so i responded with "oh. so lying to students and breaking their spirits is okay because of covid? failing to provide virtual learning for the rest of the week like other schools is okay because of covid? asking for donations when the kids are only here once a week must be okay too right?" i then walked out. well, my son got the headphones in the mail today with a note from the superintendent that said "i'm very sorry for the actions of the school system and the confusion formed around the donation drive. we are trying to work with the families, not turn them away. please accept this as an apology." my son is over the moon. my husband says that i was being a karen and that we should have just dropped it because it teaches our son that life isnt fair and that i now look like an ah helicopter parent. aita? i dont think i am. [/INST] nta. being a karen is when you make an overly dramatic scene over something that either doesn’t matter or isn’t actually an issue. you made a point to pull the principal aside and not make a public scene to make a legitimate point. </s>
AITA for refusing to return a tip AND telling a couple that I dont have time to play mediator?	i'm a 22 year old, female waitress at texas roadhouse. this is one of my two jobs to put myself through college. most days are fine but other days are a living hell. yesterday i was assigned a table that had a husband, wife and what appeared to be a teenage daughter (maybe 17). everything was going smooth at first and the wife ordered a margarita. the husband then tried ordering a beer. the wife instantly lost her noodles and said "uh, no. he will not have a beer. he will have a water." she then turned to him and said something along the lines of him not needing to drink because he was driving. he said no, the daughter could drive. it was childish. anyways, he keeps telling me he wants a beer. she keeps telling me no. in this industry, situations like this are a lose/lose for waitresses. if i get him the beer, wife wont tip. if i dont get him the beer, he wont tip. damned if i do, damned if i dont. so while they were arguing at me, i said "listen, i really dont have time to play mediator here." they went silent. i went and got both of them their alcohol. daughter gives me an apologetic look upon my return, presumably because her mother was acting bat shit crazy upon seeing me bring a beer in tow. flash forward to after their meals. husband has had 2 beers at this point. wife has stopped drinking and glares at me everytime i return. wife and daughter go to the car while husband pays. husband drops me a $40 tip on a $68 tab. i told him i couldnt accept it. he insisted. eventually i pocketed it. wife comes in an hour or so later demanding that i give her the $40 her husband gave me, stating that i was a terrible host and went against her and i dknt deserve a tip. she got my manager involved who said "she is not obligated to give you her tip. you left the restaurant and the tip has already been processed. have a nice night." she was fuming, screaming at me about how much of an ah i was for supplying her husband alcohol after she said no. other guests started chiming in saying that she was being ignorant and that i was doing my job, which is to provide guests with what they want and said that it wasnt my fault that she was a controlling wife. she storms out. given the fact that i was put on the spot like that, i feel insanely guilty. aita?	27,055	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j1d4gn/aita_for_refusing_to_return_a_tip_and_telling_a/	2020-09-28 14:35:29	nta imo, manager has your back (which is good!) and the other customers as well. really she’s pissed at her husband not you.	nta nta nta! glad your manager backed you up.	[deleted]	you. did. perfect! fuck that lady. you're not responsible for her insane control issues or their terrible marriage. the mom is the asshole for sure. who comes back in demanding a refund on a tip they didn't give, the audacity. i'm glad your manager was cool about it too. spend that 40 frivolously on yourself, you absolutely deserve it.	absolutely nta. he gave you that tip, not her. he was probably glad you stood up to her because he can't. she seemed controlling and confrontational off the bat. my mum is like this, if anything doesn't go the way she wants it, she loses it with everyone around her. i'm 29, i can't even order a steak in front of her without her telling me it's wrong and changing my order like i'm a child. if i change it back, she throws a tantrum. btw, she does it wrong. she likes shit past well done. gross. not super relevant but another example of how controlling she is: i went on vacay with them, i didn't have much money, i just needed a break from reality for a while. covered my costs and food etc but didn't really have much for fancy day trips and more expensive meals. we came across a boat trip that was like €30 each, between me and my bf, that was €60 and majority of our spending money for the week. we declined, mother got huffy as fuck, throwing a tantrum about how we don't do anything with her but wouldn't pay for us. so it was a tantrum for tantrums sake. dad took us off to get an ice cream and slipped us the cash, told us to act like we did a recount and could afford it. did the trip, it was crap and definitely not worth it. a few days later my parents are arguing about how my dad is so careless and disgusting. asked what was up and she started screaming how my dad has lost €50 and he's reckless. they kept at it for a while until i shouted at her and told her the truth. she drmanded i paid them back when we got home then refused to speak to any of us for the entire day, just because he gave money to his own daughter without ok'ing it first..	how could you possibly be an asshole in this situation. did you just need a venue to vent this all happened? who in the history of ever would be guilty that a petulant customer came back to harass you and demand money back that her husband freely gave you? i get you are 22, but if you are a server surely you must realize people are horrible monsters and we all here wouldn't collective label you an asshole even if you punched the woman in the face? nta	nta, obviously, why did you even post here?	so this story is...”this lady was an asshole, but i was just doing my job. i dont think im the asshole, my manager says im not an asshole, random customers chimed in to say im not an asshole, jesus came down and spoke to me and told me im not an asshole, but im not sure! reddit, am i the asshole???”	nta, you did your job. you didn't make the husband give you the tip and you stated you tried to give it back. she had no right to come back getting mad at you, that was something she should have taken up with her husband	nta a lot of times, i used to think that embarrassment was built when i was younger. i had been pumped full of those happy little lies society tells woman, which is that we have to be pleasers. you shouldn't feel guilty. you were probably horrified and embarrassed and didn't know how to handle it. but everyone else had your side and that's amazing. don't let people make you feel bad about yourself because they can't handle their s***. she sounds like she is probably going to divorce that guy, and he would be lucky to be away from her	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a 22 year old, female waitress at texas roadhouse. this is one of my two jobs to put myself through college. most days are fine but other days are a living hell. yesterday i was assigned a table that had a husband, wife and what appeared to be a teenage daughter (maybe 17). everything was going smooth at first and the wife ordered a margarita. the husband then tried ordering a beer. the wife instantly lost her noodles and said "uh, no. he will not have a beer. he will have a water." she then turned to him and said something along the lines of him not needing to drink because he was driving. he said no, the daughter could drive. it was childish. anyways, he keeps telling me he wants a beer. she keeps telling me no. in this industry, situations like this are a lose/lose for waitresses. if i get him the beer, wife wont tip. if i dont get him the beer, he wont tip. damned if i do, damned if i dont. so while they were arguing at me, i said "listen, i really dont have time to play mediator here." they went silent. i went and got both of them their alcohol. daughter gives me an apologetic look upon my return, presumably because her mother was acting bat shit crazy upon seeing me bring a beer in tow. flash forward to after their meals. husband has had 2 beers at this point. wife has stopped drinking and glares at me everytime i return. wife and daughter go to the car while husband pays. husband drops me a $40 tip on a $68 tab. i told him i couldnt accept it. he insisted. eventually i pocketed it. wife comes in an hour or so later demanding that i give her the $40 her husband gave me, stating that i was a terrible host and went against her and i dknt deserve a tip. she got my manager involved who said "she is not obligated to give you her tip. you left the restaurant and the tip has already been processed. have a nice night." she was fuming, screaming at me about how much of an ah i was for supplying her husband alcohol after she said no. other guests started chiming in saying that she was being ignorant and that i was doing my job, which is to provide guests with what they want and said that it wasnt my fault that she was a controlling wife. she storms out. given the fact that i was put on the spot like that, i feel insanely guilty. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a 22 year old, female waitress at texas roadhouse. this is one of my two jobs to put myself through college. most days are fine but other days are a living hell. yesterday i was assigned a table that had a husband, wife and what appeared to be a teenage daughter (maybe 17). everything was going smooth at first and the wife ordered a margarita. the husband then tried ordering a beer. the wife instantly lost her noodles and said "uh, no. he will not have a beer. he will have a water." she then turned to him and said something along the lines of him not needing to drink because he was driving. he said no, the daughter could drive. it was childish. anyways, he keeps telling me he wants a beer. she keeps telling me no. in this industry, situations like this are a lose/lose for waitresses. if i get him the beer, wife wont tip. if i dont get him the beer, he wont tip. damned if i do, damned if i dont. so while they were arguing at me, i said "listen, i really dont have time to play mediator here." they went silent. i went and got both of them their alcohol. daughter gives me an apologetic look upon my return, presumably because her mother was acting bat shit crazy upon seeing me bring a beer in tow. flash forward to after their meals. husband has had 2 beers at this point. wife has stopped drinking and glares at me everytime i return. wife and daughter go to the car while husband pays. husband drops me a $40 tip on a $68 tab. i told him i couldnt accept it. he insisted. eventually i pocketed it. wife comes in an hour or so later demanding that i give her the $40 her husband gave me, stating that i was a terrible host and went against her and i dknt deserve a tip. she got my manager involved who said "she is not obligated to give you her tip. you left the restaurant and the tip has already been processed. have a nice night." she was fuming, screaming at me about how much of an ah i was for supplying her husband alcohol after she said no. other guests started chiming in saying that she was being ignorant and that i was doing my job, which is to provide guests with what they want and said that it wasnt my fault that she was a controlling wife. she storms out. given the fact that i was put on the spot like that, i feel insanely guilty. aita? [/INST] nta imo, manager has your back (which is good!) and the other customers as well. really she’s pissed at her husband not you. </s>
AITA for being peeved about surprise tooth extractions during neutering	today i dropped my dog off to get neutered. he's a six-month goldendoodle. this was part of a "puppy package" of care, which covered all necessary shots and wellness checks, and culminates with neutering and microchipping. i came back a few hours later to pick him up. while receiving the aftercare instructions, i was informed that they pulled a few of my dog's teeth by the vet tech (vt). our conversation went something like this: vt: the only thing not covered by the puppy package is $20 for the two teeth we removed while he was under anesthesia, so if we can settle this up... me: excuse me, you removed teeth? he was here for neutering. vt: his two canines were starting to come in but the baby teeth were not loose so we removed them. it's very standard and what the vet regularly recommends. me: well, you did more than recommend it - you went ahead and did it. \silence\ vt: i'll be right back. ...now it's important to note that i don't care about the $20 charge. had i been contacted and told that they recommended this, i would have of course went with the vet's recommendation! but come on, at least act like i'm involved in the process rather than making me feel like i'm being suckered into a forced up-sell situation. a few minutes later, she came back... vt: i spoke with the doctor and we are going to discount the $20 since we did not consult you first. me: it's not about the $20. i'm more concerned about the fact that i came here for one procedure, and without any conversation or discussion, you expanded the scope of the visit to include tooth extraction. vt: it was necessary. if we were to have done it at a separate visit, it would have been $250. me: i'm not concerned about the money if it's necessary. i'm concerned about not knowing about it or approving it beforehand. vt: it's a very routine procedure. we regularly extract teeth while puppies are already under anesthesia. me: if it's so routine and done so regularly, why was it not discussed at one of the many prior visits or even this morning? vt: you know if we didn't extract the teeth, it could have lead to issues with alignment, bacteria, and other complications. me: i'm not debating whether the extraction was necessary. i'm upset that i was not consulted first. vt: i'll be right back. ...this time she brought my puppy back with her. i thanked her and left. to be clear, i was not trying to be rude, difficult, or cheap in any way. but i got into the car with my poor sedated pup feeling like i was being rude, difficult, and cheap. i spoke with a few coworkers after i got back to my office, but i could use some other opinions as well. so, aita for being peeved about surprise tooth extractions during neutering? &#x200b; \*	27,053	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ejkij2/aita_for_being_peeved_about_surprise_tooth/	2020-01-03 19:41:05	nta- every vet and kennel i’ve ever used calls me during a visit for permission to do xy or z. you aren’t wrong. this isn’t 1985, where no one has cell phones.	while it is pretty normal to extract deciduous (baby) teeth at time of spay/neuter, it should be on the consent form you signed or called in if there will be additional charges. no clinic i’ve ever worked at charged for this though. it was just like doing a nail trim during surgery—complimentary service. you should talk to the practice manager. when i managed a hospital, these sorts of things happened from time to time due to new employees and it was an opportunity to counsel. nta at all. but i promise, they weren’t doing unnecessary procedures either.	yta but just barely. you really shouldn’t have had this conversation with the vt. it wasn’t their call. you should’ve asked to speak with the vet and had the conversation with him/her. you put someone in a really uncomfortable position trying to defend something that they had no control over. kinda like bitching at your waiter because your food is undercooked. i agree this shouldn’t have been done without your consent, but also having experience as a surgery tech, sometimes they don’t notice this until it’s almost too late, and the anesthetic may have been close to wearing off so they were trying to save you a bunch of money by not having to reanethetize the animal. who knows what the reason was for them to make that decision on their own, and honestly it takes 3 minutes tops so that 20 bucks isn’t going to hurt them not having it, but that is why you should’ve been speaking to the vet.	whew! this makes my blood boil. #nta if a veterinarian removed my dogs teeth without asking me i would never use them again and i would report them to a licensing board. especially if they acted like i was freaking out about nothing. info: did you speak to the doctor directly? how did they know their adult teeth were coming in? did they x-ray them? what if they had accidentally pulled the adult canines? i’ve had lots of dogs and the vet has never removed their teeth. my dogs have had cleanings and one even had a filling of sorts. that’s buuuullllllssshhhiiiitttt. talk to the vet, the owner and their greasy granny and make damn sure they never do it again. fuck.	[deleted]	[deleted]	esh i honestly think you made a big deal about nothing. what was your ideal outcome here? since they (initially) fucked up by not getting consent, did you really want them to hold off on the tooth extraction so you would be pointlessly out another 250 bucks? really? you have this weird fixation on them trying to "pull one over" on when in reality they simply made an honest mistake by failing to get prior consent. "suckered into a forced up-sell situation. " seriously how do you come to that conclusion? if they really wanted to bleed you dry they would not have extracted the teeth and then proceeded to bullshit you with "there were complications with his teeth, you gotta come back again btw its 250 dollars xtra".	nta. this procedure should have been discussed with you prior to being done. period. you have the right to approve all procedures done to your fur baby.	nta i’m a vet. look- the thing that they did- it was absolutely appropriate medicine, likely necessary and often done at the time of spay/neuter. however communication is key here and they fell down on the job on that. you aren’t wrong to be miffed. they should have called or pre-cleared it. however, for perspective- if you would have approved it if they called- i might cut them some slack. absolutely express that wasn’t cool- and they should apologize for the communication break down. but if you can, please be kind. we have a difficult job, and people yell at us all day long for things that are very much not our fault (animals being sicker than people thought, medicine costing money, etc).	[deleted]	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	null	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	null	0.200446	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: today i dropped my dog off to get neutered. he's a six-month goldendoodle. this was part of a "puppy package" of care, which covered all necessary shots and wellness checks, and culminates with neutering and microchipping. i came back a few hours later to pick him up. while receiving the aftercare instructions, i was informed that they pulled a few of my dog's teeth by the vet tech (vt). our conversation went something like this: vt: the only thing not covered by the puppy package is $20 for the two teeth we removed while he was under anesthesia, so if we can settle this up... me: excuse me, you removed teeth? he was here for neutering. vt: his two canines were starting to come in but the baby teeth were not loose so we removed them. it's very standard and what the vet regularly recommends. me: well, you did more than recommend it - you went ahead and did it. \silence\* vt: i'll be right back. ...now it's important to note that i don't care about the $20 charge. had i been contacted and told that they recommended this, i would have of course went with the vet's recommendation! but come on, at least act like i'm involved in the process rather than making me feel like i'm being suckered into a forced up-sell situation. a few minutes later, she came back... vt: i spoke with the doctor and we are going to discount the $20 since we did not consult you first. me: it's not about the $20. i'm more concerned about the fact that i came here for one procedure, and without any conversation or discussion, you expanded the scope of the visit to include tooth extraction. vt: it was necessary. if we were to have done it at a separate visit, it would have been $250. me: i'm not concerned about the money if it's necessary. i'm concerned about not knowing about it or approving it beforehand. vt: it's a very routine procedure. we regularly extract teeth while puppies are already under anesthesia. me: if it's so routine and done so regularly, why was it not discussed at one of the many prior visits or even this morning? vt: you know if we didn't extract the teeth, it could have lead to issues with alignment, bacteria, and other complications. me: i'm not debating whether the extraction was necessary. i'm upset that i was not consulted first. vt: i'll be right back. ...this time she brought my puppy back with her. i thanked her and left. to be clear, i was not trying to be rude, difficult, or cheap in any way. but i got into the car with my poor sedated pup feeling like i was being rude, difficult, and cheap. i spoke with a few coworkers after i got back to my office, but i could use some other opinions as well. so, aita for being peeved about surprise tooth extractions during neutering? &#x200b; \*	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> today i dropped my dog off to get neutered. he's a six-month goldendoodle. this was part of a "puppy package" of care, which covered all necessary shots and wellness checks, and culminates with neutering and microchipping. i came back a few hours later to pick him up. while receiving the aftercare instructions, i was informed that they pulled a few of my dog's teeth by the vet tech (vt). our conversation went something like this: vt: the only thing not covered by the puppy package is $20 for the two teeth we removed while he was under anesthesia, so if we can settle this up... me: excuse me, you removed teeth? he was here for neutering. vt: his two canines were starting to come in but the baby teeth were not loose so we removed them. it's very standard and what the vet regularly recommends. me: well, you did more than recommend it - you went ahead and did it. \silence\* vt: i'll be right back. ...now it's important to note that i don't care about the $20 charge. had i been contacted and told that they recommended this, i would have of course went with the vet's recommendation! but come on, at least act like i'm involved in the process rather than making me feel like i'm being suckered into a forced up-sell situation. a few minutes later, she came back... vt: i spoke with the doctor and we are going to discount the $20 since we did not consult you first. me: it's not about the $20. i'm more concerned about the fact that i came here for one procedure, and without any conversation or discussion, you expanded the scope of the visit to include tooth extraction. vt: it was necessary. if we were to have done it at a separate visit, it would have been $250. me: i'm not concerned about the money if it's necessary. i'm concerned about not knowing about it or approving it beforehand. vt: it's a very routine procedure. we regularly extract teeth while puppies are already under anesthesia. me: if it's so routine and done so regularly, why was it not discussed at one of the many prior visits or even this morning? vt: you know if we didn't extract the teeth, it could have lead to issues with alignment, bacteria, and other complications. me: i'm not debating whether the extraction was necessary. i'm upset that i was not consulted first. vt: i'll be right back. ...this time she brought my puppy back with her. i thanked her and left. to be clear, i was not trying to be rude, difficult, or cheap in any way. but i got into the car with my poor sedated pup feeling like i was being rude, difficult, and cheap. i spoke with a few coworkers after i got back to my office, but i could use some other opinions as well. so, aita for being peeved about surprise tooth extractions during neutering? &#x200b; \* [/INST] nta- every vet and kennel i’ve ever used calls me during a visit for permission to do xy or z. you aren’t wrong. this isn’t 1985, where no one has cell phones. </s>
AITA for leaving the family restaurant and starting my own after finding out I wouldn't inherit it?	my dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather. i've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while i got a business degree. i found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. his reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. and that it would go to me after she died. i was pissed and "quit" the next day. my dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work i was doing. now this is the potential asshole part. a month after i quit, i found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. i bought it and had it up and running in two months. my restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well. my dad reached out to me last september and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. he offered to buy my business so i would get something out of it. i declined the offer. now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, i'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue. the family restaurant however, is going under. now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined. aita?	27,051	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gul6fn/aita_for_leaving_the_family_restaurant_and/	2020-06-01 14:02:54	nta. inheritance issues are always complicated, but you went out and did something on your own and made your own living, not dependent on the family business. it sucks that your family’s business is going under, but i don’t think it’s fair to blame you for that. it’s also not fair for them to assume that you should just sell them the business you built, after your dad wasn’t leaving his business to you.	nta. blaming his restaurant's failure on your success is unfair. if it wasn't you, it could very easily wind up being a different competition eventually. you had to do what you had to do to secure your future...he should be proud of your success. also, maybe i'm misreading here...but the family business wasn't setup for people to get takeout pizza???	nta. feels like your dad made that decision with his heart and not his head. like you have stated in your comments. your step mom doesn’t know anything about running a business and you literally are going for a business degree. on top of that, you have proved that you can run a business and be successful. your dad’s loss. he could have figured out a better situation with you still inheriting the store. but he didn’t. he took your hard work for granted.	nta. you needed to secure your financial future just like he needed to secure his wife’s. not your fault you did a better job. maybe offer to buy him out so he will “get something out of it”.	nta- you found out you wouldn't inherit the business as expected so you set up your own successful enterprise. nothing wrong with that and good on you.	nta. this sort of thing is exactly why my dad didn't finalize his will until he'd sat down and talked to me and my step mom together and let us come to a decision. he could have just as easily split ownership of the shop until your stepmom died and chose not to and now he's suffering the consequences of his actions. and clearly, his child is better able to run a successful business in the modern world than he and his wife are.	seems like a nta to me, you worked there your whole life and he just leaves it to your stepmom. the grandfather wouldn't be okay with this too i would say.	nah. you dad has the right to will his business to whomever he chooses. you have the right to set up your own business and put your efforts into that since if/when your family restaurant becoming yours is now in flux.	nta - i saw in one of your comments that you don’t get along with your step mom and she has children of her own. let’s be realistic, she would probably leave the business to them and not you. you needed to take control of your life and it’s good you have your own business now. your fathers restaurant isn’t failing because of you, it’s because he can’t adapt.	nta. you did not cause his business to go under. superior product will always keep customers coming back. too bad he didn't see your value prior to you leaving. sometimes people don't realize how good things are until life slaps them in the face.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather. i've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while i got a business degree. i found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. his reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. and that it would go to me after she died. i was pissed and "quit" the next day. my dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work i was doing. now this is the potential asshole part. a month after i quit, i found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. i bought it and had it up and running in two months. my restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well. my dad reached out to me last september and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. he offered to buy my business so i would get something out of it. i declined the offer. now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, i'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue. the family restaurant however, is going under. now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather. i've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while i got a business degree. i found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. his reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. and that it would go to me after she died. i was pissed and "quit" the next day. my dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work i was doing. now this is the potential asshole part. a month after i quit, i found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. i bought it and had it up and running in two months. my restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well. my dad reached out to me last september and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. he offered to buy my business so i would get something out of it. i declined the offer. now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, i'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue. the family restaurant however, is going under. now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined. aita? [/INST] nta. inheritance issues are always complicated, but you went out and did something on your own and made your own living, not dependent on the family business. it sucks that your family’s business is going under, but i don’t think it’s fair to blame you for that. it’s also not fair for them to assume that you should just sell them the business you built, after your dad wasn’t leaving his business to you. </s>
AITA for refusing to drop charges against a 16 yo?	my brother (17m) lives with me (25f) and my husband (26m) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last feb. he's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. i've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. i get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, i won't pressure him. i try to be as involve in his life as i can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car. before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. totally valid. but she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal. last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and i could see the distress on my brother's face. the worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and i decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running. now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her i called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. my brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure i'm overreacting and that i should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice. **little	27,007	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pxhbiu/aita_for_refusing_to_drop_charges_against_a_16_yo/	2021-09-28 22:14:13	nta - if the gender roles were reversed i’m sure nobody would be okay with this happening. she’s refusing to respect a firm boundary that has been set. play stupid games win stupid prizes.	nta let's do the gender reverse test. a sixteen year old boy is broken up with by his girlfriend and sends her a bunch of letters, gifts, and eventually breaks into her house and bedroom. she's turned into a stalker op and you need to protect your brother from her.	she broke into your home. nta.	nta. what your brother’s ex was doing is not an innocent behavior, it’s quite literally stalking and harassing him. this could devolve into something more dangerous, and it’s good that you did something about it	nta that’s stalking. it doesn’t matter how sweet her intentions are, that’s what she’s doing. her youth and femininity do not give her a pass. she was told to stop. she did not. instead, she displayed a clear pattern of escalating behavior. there’s no reason to believe she won’t decide to take it further if she gets away with this. this is a life lesson she needs to learn. it doesn’t matter how harsh anyone else thinks it is. you don’t break into someone’s home and play victim when there are consequences.	nta. if the genders were switched, this would be lifetime's movie of the week.	nta. this is traumatizing as hell for your brother. he's always going to be worried about the next gf doing something as creepy as this. he needs therapy to discuss this and realize this is not normal. also, maybe consider a restraining order? what's she's doing is harassment and if it was gender-reversed your husband wouldn't think you were overreacting one little bit. she also needs to get her shit together. she's a minor. this will be wiped clean when she turns 18. this is the wake up call she needs to back the fuck up.	nta i am thinking the next thing would be to find a rabbit in the stockpot on the stove. that would have really showed her love. when someone breaks up with you, that isn't an invitation to stalk them and just not take no for an answer. if you let her get away scott free, then you are enabling her, and she will continue the behavior.	she’s stalking him and you’re protecting him, as you should. nta.	nta. that is stalker behavior. i would also consider a restraining/no contact order as well	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my brother (17m) lives with me (25f) and my husband (26m) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last feb. he's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. i've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. i get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, i won't pressure him. i try to be as involve in his life as i can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car. before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. totally valid. but she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal. last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and i could see the distress on my brother's face. the worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and i decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running. now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her i called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. my brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure i'm overreacting and that i should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice. little	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my brother (17m) lives with me (25f) and my husband (26m) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last feb. he's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. i've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. i get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, i won't pressure him. i try to be as involve in his life as i can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car. before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. totally valid. but she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal. last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and i could see the distress on my brother's face. the worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and i decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running. now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her i called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. my brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure i'm overreacting and that i should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice. little [/INST] nta - if the gender roles were reversed i’m sure nobody would be okay with this happening. she’s refusing to respect a firm boundary that has been set. play stupid games win stupid prizes. </s>
AITA for buying an extra airline seat (and utilizing it) even though I don't need it?	i hate flying to the point that i will gladly drove 10-15 hours to avoid a 4 hour flight. it's not that i'm scared of flying, i just hate everything from the security theater to the cramped seats that leave me sore for days. so i only fly if i can buy a second seat (or third if i'm flying with my wife). it lets me stretch my legs out if needed, not feel trapped mentally, and not sit next to annoying people etc. also a second seat is almost always cheaper than business/first class and for some reason they refund you if the flight isn't full. i'm a big guy but i 100% don't need two seats, gate agents are constantly baffled and one even said "you're not nearly big enough to need 2 seats". on multiple flights i've had to argue with flight attendants and randoms that no i bought the second seat, and if they oversold the flight/some 400 lb guy didn't buy the second seat he needs and is killing his seatmate it's not my problem. aita for never backing down in this scenario that has happened 6-7 times at this point? if i was willing to fly with one seat i wouldn't have bought a second seat. note - i do not take two seats on the train/bus ever. they are way more comfortable and you can stand whenever etc so i don't feel cramped and trapped like on a plane.	26,938	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c3os52/aita_for_buying_an_extra_airline_seat_and/	2019-06-22 11:47:57	nta. you bought both seats. they're yours to use or not use as you please.	nta. if you pay for it then it’s yours, simple as that.	nta -- unless the flight is departing a wartorn region, a natural disaster, or a horde of zombies, there is no reason to second-guess yourself: you paid for the seat, so it's yours.	flights have limited space and so i feel like it inconveniences people who might have to find a different flight. but if the airlines allow it and you pay for it then nta i guess.	i have no idea how you are consistently making this work because we fly with our own damn kids all the time and have encountered several instances in which the airlines split up the seats we reserve together for reasons that make absolutely no sense.	[removed]	not only are you nta, i want to applaud you buying a 2nd seat.	the only negative thing about this is the negative impact on climate. planes pollute a lot, and it helps if they're packed to maximum capacity. however, business class still exists so fuck it. what you're doing is a drop in the bucket.	nta i absolutely hate it when airlines sell too many tickets and make other passengers who paid for 2 seats give up their extra seat. and guess what, airlines actually sell extra seats at every chance possible. apparently statistically there is a very high chance at least one passenger doesn't make it in a flight so airlines would just sell extra tickets.	nta, you bought them, they're your seats, and that's it.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i hate flying to the point that i will gladly drove 10-15 hours to avoid a 4 hour flight. it's not that i'm scared of flying, i just hate everything from the security theater to the cramped seats that leave me sore for days. so i only fly if i can buy a second seat (or third if i'm flying with my wife). it lets me stretch my legs out if needed, not feel trapped mentally, and not sit next to annoying people etc. also a second seat is almost always cheaper than business/first class and for some reason they refund you if the flight isn't full. i'm a big guy but i 100% don't need two seats, gate agents are constantly baffled and one even said "you're not nearly big enough to need 2 seats". on multiple flights i've had to argue with flight attendants and randoms that no i bought the second seat, and if they oversold the flight/some 400 lb guy didn't buy the second seat he needs and is killing his seatmate it's not my problem. aita for never backing down in this scenario that has happened 6-7 times at this point? if i was willing to fly with one seat i wouldn't have bought a second seat. note - i do not take two seats on the train/bus ever. they are way more comfortable and you can stand whenever etc so i don't feel cramped and trapped like on a plane.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i hate flying to the point that i will gladly drove 10-15 hours to avoid a 4 hour flight. it's not that i'm scared of flying, i just hate everything from the security theater to the cramped seats that leave me sore for days. so i only fly if i can buy a second seat (or third if i'm flying with my wife). it lets me stretch my legs out if needed, not feel trapped mentally, and not sit next to annoying people etc. also a second seat is almost always cheaper than business/first class and for some reason they refund you if the flight isn't full. i'm a big guy but i 100% don't need two seats, gate agents are constantly baffled and one even said "you're not nearly big enough to need 2 seats". on multiple flights i've had to argue with flight attendants and randoms that no i bought the second seat, and if they oversold the flight/some 400 lb guy didn't buy the second seat he needs and is killing his seatmate it's not my problem. aita for never backing down in this scenario that has happened 6-7 times at this point? if i was willing to fly with one seat i wouldn't have bought a second seat. note - i do not take two seats on the train/bus ever. they are way more comfortable and you can stand whenever etc so i don't feel cramped and trapped like on a plane. [/INST] nta. you bought both seats. they're yours to use or not use as you please. </s>
AITA for refusing to babysit my nephew, even in a family medical emergency, because my brother and SIL lied before?	i am my brother and sil’s only relative in the city. when sil was pregnant i made it clear that i’d only babysit for them in the case of a serious emergency, e.g. someone has a medical emergency. i won’t babysit if they just wanted time off from being parents, because i don’t have the free time for that. i work 60-100 hours a week, so if anyone needs time off, it’s me. last year, my brother and sil asked me to babysit on the day of an informal work meeting, a lake retreat organized by my company. everyone is expected to go, and it’s frowned upon if you miss it. they wanted to go on a date. i said no, i have an important work event. they continued to nag me about how they haven’t gone on a date for so long. the night before that day, they called in a panic and said their friend mike from the next city over had been in a car accident, and i needed to babysit nephew for a few hours so that they could go visit mike. i reluctantly agreed, with the stipulation that they’d be back by 7 am the next day to pick nephew up so i could leave for my work event. they did not come back until two days later. i had to cancel on my superiors morning of, which looked awful. my brother and sil never responded to multiple texts and calls from me. their excuse was that mike’s life was in danger and they were too busy helping his girlfriend. i accepted that, since i had met both mike and his girlfriend at a party in the past and thought they were good people, but i emphasized that this absolutely could not happen again. throughout the next two months, my brother and sil regularly used the excuse of aiding mike in his recovery and needing to visit him in order to make me babysit my nephew. mike’s girlfriend’s company and my company had a meeting two months after mike’s “accident”. i ran into her and asked her how mike was recovering. apparently, she had no idea he had ever been hospitalized. neither did mike. mike had never been in an accident, and although brother and sil had gone to visit them recently, it was for drinks and bowling, not bringing them chicken noodle soup in the hospital. i confronted brother and sil, and they denied at first, but finally admitted they had been lying about mike’s accident so that they could go on date nights. they claimed i “gave them no choice since i would never help them out when they needed time together because parenting was so stressful and difficult and i had no idea and it was just a little white lie”. i made it clear that after this incident, i would never babysit for them again, and i’ve stuck to that. yesterday my brother and sil begged me to babysit for them because there was an actual medical emergency in sil’s family. they even sent me proof of the relative’s hospitalization. i still said no. they didn’t care about betraying my trust, so i don’t care if they can’t afford childcare or if their relative is in the hospital. they said i was a bad aunt, needed to get over my grudge, and a petty asshole. aita?	26,928	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ip8hw1/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_nephew_even_in_a/	2020-09-09 03:30:12	nta they cried wolf too many times now they get to live with the consequences. plus family doesn’t owe family free babysitting, if they wanted a date night find a babysitter.	nta: they burned that bridge. they used a lie about the health of a friend to put their priorities above your own. they made you miss work, and lied to you for months. they really expect you to do this? fuck that. they need to grow up and if they weren't ready for the stress of having kids all the time, they shouldn't have had one. these people aren't just assholes, they are bad parents. who the hell drops their kid off to the person they've tricked into babysitting and then ghosts them for two days?!	nta - has it never occurred to them to hire a babysitter? your time is too valuable and you are not responsible for their choice to procreate. they are unbelievable ah for lying to you.	nta. im a parent and i would never do that - no matter how badly i wanted a night off. totally inexcusable. stick to your guns. don't babysit for them ever again. they can hire a sitter, the entitled assholes.	they are lucky you didn’t simply call the police to come pick the baby up when they were unreachable for two days. you don’t just get to abandon your baby with somebody and be gone for multiple days without contact. nta, stand your ground.	nta. after taking advantage of your good will like that, and potentially damaging your career, they have no right to expect anything from you like that again.	nta. since when are family members obligated to babysit upon demand? they need to get their grown up pants on and find childcare. and beg for forgiveness for lying repeatedly to take advantage of you	nta . he can stay home with his kids, and sil can go visit her family. problem solved. they were due back by a certain time but showed up two days later. wtf?! screwing with your job / livlihood is unforgiveable! then, not only did they lie initially, about someone's life being on the line, they continued to lie repeatedly. there is no justifying any of that. these are their children. welcome them to life as a parent! being "an aunt" doesnt mean you agree to take the kids every time the parents want to go out. your relationship with their kids is not for exploitation purposes.	nta. even if their friend did have an accident, they should no have been unreachable while you were babysitting. what if their kid had an emergency?? this is just terrible, and i would never babysit for them again.	nta. oh, absolutely not. stick to your guns and never babysit for them, again. i don’t care if aliens land and threaten war on the earth unless your brother and sister-in-law personally negotiate a peace deal with them. still don’t do it. i know your brother is your relative so i hate to say this, kind of, but that man is a grade a jerk. so is your sister-in-law. really, what terrible, terrible people. they really don’t have much character if they would lie like that. there’s nothing “little” or “white” about it. and, what kind of lesson is that for your nephew about right and wrong? they’re lucky that you’re even still speaking to them because i don’t think i would be. and, what do they mean, “they had no choice”? they could make friends with the neighbors, they could hire a babysitting service — they had other options than to not only lie to you but to make you miss an important work event. you could have been seriously hamstrung at your job over that! not only are you nta, i’m almost ready to ask you for their phone number so i can chew them out, myself. i’m furious on your behalf!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am my brother and sil’s only relative in the city. when sil was pregnant i made it clear that i’d only babysit for them in the case of a serious emergency, e.g. someone has a medical emergency. i won’t babysit if they just wanted time off from being parents, because i don’t have the free time for that. i work 60-100 hours a week, so if anyone needs time off, it’s me. last year, my brother and sil asked me to babysit on the day of an informal work meeting, a lake retreat organized by my company. everyone is expected to go, and it’s frowned upon if you miss it. they wanted to go on a date. i said no, i have an important work event. they continued to nag me about how they haven’t gone on a date for so long. the night before that day, they called in a panic and said their friend mike from the next city over had been in a car accident, and i needed to babysit nephew for a few hours so that they could go visit mike. i reluctantly agreed, with the stipulation that they’d be back by 7 am the next day to pick nephew up so i could leave for my work event. they did not come back until two days later. i had to cancel on my superiors morning of, which looked awful. my brother and sil never responded to multiple texts and calls from me. their excuse was that mike’s life was in danger and they were too busy helping his girlfriend. i accepted that, since i had met both mike and his girlfriend at a party in the past and thought they were good people, but i emphasized that this absolutely could not happen again. throughout the next two months, my brother and sil regularly used the excuse of aiding mike in his recovery and needing to visit him in order to make me babysit my nephew. mike’s girlfriend’s company and my company had a meeting two months after mike’s “accident”. i ran into her and asked her how mike was recovering. apparently, she had no idea he had ever been hospitalized. neither did mike. mike had never been in an accident, and although brother and sil had gone to visit them recently, it was for drinks and bowling, not bringing them chicken noodle soup in the hospital. i confronted brother and sil, and they denied at first, but finally admitted they had been lying about mike’s accident so that they could go on date nights. they claimed i “gave them no choice since i would never help them out when they needed time together because parenting was so stressful and difficult and i had no idea and it was just a little white lie”. i made it clear that after this incident, i would never babysit for them again, and i’ve stuck to that. yesterday my brother and sil begged me to babysit for them because there was an actual medical emergency in sil’s family. they even sent me proof of the relative’s hospitalization. i still said no. they didn’t care about betraying my trust, so i don’t care if they can’t afford childcare or if their relative is in the hospital. they said i was a bad aunt, needed to get over my grudge, and a petty asshole. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am my brother and sil’s only relative in the city. when sil was pregnant i made it clear that i’d only babysit for them in the case of a serious emergency, e.g. someone has a medical emergency. i won’t babysit if they just wanted time off from being parents, because i don’t have the free time for that. i work 60-100 hours a week, so if anyone needs time off, it’s me. last year, my brother and sil asked me to babysit on the day of an informal work meeting, a lake retreat organized by my company. everyone is expected to go, and it’s frowned upon if you miss it. they wanted to go on a date. i said no, i have an important work event. they continued to nag me about how they haven’t gone on a date for so long. the night before that day, they called in a panic and said their friend mike from the next city over had been in a car accident, and i needed to babysit nephew for a few hours so that they could go visit mike. i reluctantly agreed, with the stipulation that they’d be back by 7 am the next day to pick nephew up so i could leave for my work event. they did not come back until two days later. i had to cancel on my superiors morning of, which looked awful. my brother and sil never responded to multiple texts and calls from me. their excuse was that mike’s life was in danger and they were too busy helping his girlfriend. i accepted that, since i had met both mike and his girlfriend at a party in the past and thought they were good people, but i emphasized that this absolutely could not happen again. throughout the next two months, my brother and sil regularly used the excuse of aiding mike in his recovery and needing to visit him in order to make me babysit my nephew. mike’s girlfriend’s company and my company had a meeting two months after mike’s “accident”. i ran into her and asked her how mike was recovering. apparently, she had no idea he had ever been hospitalized. neither did mike. mike had never been in an accident, and although brother and sil had gone to visit them recently, it was for drinks and bowling, not bringing them chicken noodle soup in the hospital. i confronted brother and sil, and they denied at first, but finally admitted they had been lying about mike’s accident so that they could go on date nights. they claimed i “gave them no choice since i would never help them out when they needed time together because parenting was so stressful and difficult and i had no idea and it was just a little white lie”. i made it clear that after this incident, i would never babysit for them again, and i’ve stuck to that. yesterday my brother and sil begged me to babysit for them because there was an actual medical emergency in sil’s family. they even sent me proof of the relative’s hospitalization. i still said no. they didn’t care about betraying my trust, so i don’t care if they can’t afford childcare or if their relative is in the hospital. they said i was a bad aunt, needed to get over my grudge, and a petty asshole. aita? [/INST] nta they cried wolf too many times now they get to live with the consequences. plus family doesn’t owe family free babysitting, if they wanted a date night find a babysitter. </s>
AITA for possibly stealing from a convenience store multiple times and not saying anything about it.	for the last year i’ve had a rewards card to a local gas station chain that lets me get deals and store coupons. about a week ago i went into the store to get a beverage, and swiped my rewards card before swiping my debit, however after the card reader finished processing the rewards card the total due went to 0 and the cashier asked if i wanted a receipt. at this point i figured i had just used a deal i don’t know about, but the next time i went the same thing happened. so the next several times i’ve gone i’ve made around 10 dollar purchases with a variety of different items, and every single time it’s been free. i’m thinking something is wrong and i should tell someone, but i kinda wanna keep getting free stuff. aita?	26,927	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ckndum/aita_for_possibly_stealing_from_a_convenience/	2019-08-01 11:55:28	nah - i wouldn't call you an ass hole. you're doing the process they required for the rewards program. it's not your fault it's flawed and no one has caught on. for reference, i used to work for a call center for a large cable company. a guy called in every single month to find out what his bill was for the previous month. for 3 years, his apartment complex paid this bill without billing him for it. so he just stored the money in a savings account, just in case.	after the update yti (you're the idiot). and hard boiled eggs at a convenience store?? wtf? i love eggs, anyway possible, but from a convenience store???	lol @ that update.	nah but you probably wanna check they haven't signed you up for a rewards credit card and you're just creating a big bill. i've had a rewards card that's a rewards credit card and you just pay off the balance when you pay, but this cashier might not know that or care, so you're just creating a huge bill	i'm dying 😂 did you really buy $400 worth of eggs at a gas station??	thanks for the update. i suggest you could make your fortune writing comical short stories and need not want to eggs ever again.	oh dear god this was a fucking glorious read!	well this is after your update so almost a moot point. but i really want to comment regardless for two reasons. first, your update is pretty funny and well written, i appreciate the amusement this morning. second, yta. if the situation were reversed (you being charged for things you weren't getting) you would have it corrected, right? don't be a hypocrite / thief (if something like this actually happens and doesn't end up being a gift card that is.)	yta. proteins are amino acids. you don’t need to specify both in this instance.	[deleted]	NAH	null	null	NAH	null	null	null	YTA	YTA	null	0.421875	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for the last year i’ve had a rewards card to a local gas station chain that lets me get deals and store coupons. about a week ago i went into the store to get a beverage, and swiped my rewards card before swiping my debit, however after the card reader finished processing the rewards card the total due went to 0 and the cashier asked if i wanted a receipt. at this point i figured i had just used a deal i don’t know about, but the next time i went the same thing happened. so the next several times i’ve gone i’ve made around 10 dollar purchases with a variety of different items, and every single time it’s been free. i’m thinking something is wrong and i should tell someone, but i kinda wanna keep getting free stuff. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> for the last year i’ve had a rewards card to a local gas station chain that lets me get deals and store coupons. about a week ago i went into the store to get a beverage, and swiped my rewards card before swiping my debit, however after the card reader finished processing the rewards card the total due went to 0 and the cashier asked if i wanted a receipt. at this point i figured i had just used a deal i don’t know about, but the next time i went the same thing happened. so the next several times i’ve gone i’ve made around 10 dollar purchases with a variety of different items, and every single time it’s been free. i’m thinking something is wrong and i should tell someone, but i kinda wanna keep getting free stuff. aita? [/INST] nah - i wouldn't call you an ass hole. you're doing the process they required for the rewards program. it's not your fault it's flawed and no one has caught on. for reference, i used to work for a call center for a large cable company. a guy called in every single month to find out what his bill was for the previous month. for 3 years, his apartment complex paid this bill without billing him for it. so he just stored the money in a savings account, just in case. </s>
AITA For Refusing to meet my sister on Christmas after she called CPS?	●i m37 lost my wife of 10 years and it was so devastating for me and my daughter. it's unfortunate but life goes on no matter what happens my family knows how much i struggle as a single dad and my sister doesn't really get it. she had issues with my late wife in the past but now started "helping" with my daughter. she re-decorated my daughter's room without my consent, she'd insist i let my daughter go spend days at her house but my daughter is comfortable at her home. she then started calling my daughter with another name and i'm still trying to understand her logic behind this. i told her to stop doing those things and to be respectful and supportive and she defended herself saying i'm lashing out of grief. i recently. started teaching my daughter to do stuff on her own like brush her hair/clean her room/wash her cups/make sandwiches while i take care of bigger stuff. my sister said that what i'm doing is wrong. that i'm giving her more than she can handle. she's just a kid and although i told her i'm teaching my daughter to be more independent she said that i'm clearly doing this for my own benefits and avoiding responsibility. i got into a fight with her about it. told her she has zero say in this. and the next day. a cps officer came to my house and took a tour around the house my first thought was "maybe he got the wrong house" until he started reading the report to me saying that i'm never home and that i make my daughter do things that aren't her responsibility, neglecting her education (btw she's homeschooled) and that i'm not taking care of basic hygiene and whatnot. i told the officer my story and explained that i'm adapting as a single parent and he proceeded to aske my daughter some questions. it was clearly a false report. however i was told that i will have a permanent record with cps. and i was shaken up by this. i told my family about it and my younger sister told me that my sister was the one who called cps after we had a big argument. i was so mad i confronted her after she hid herself. called her immature and stupid to pull this crap (she's in her 40s) and that she's no longer my sister. then cut contact. it's been months and now my dad started bringing her up knowing how uncomfortable i was. he said that my sister feels sorry for what she did and wanted to talk things out on christmas dinner.but i said no. he and the others insisted saying that i should be the bigger person. the family will be incomplete without me and my daughter on christmas. saying i refuse to be a "civil adult" to solve the issue that is dividing the family. i yelled and said that my daughter and i don't have to go after what she did, doesn't matter if she has issues on her own and didn't "mean it" and was just concerned. wtf was she so concerned about? they demanded that i at least let my daughter go be with them >>and her auntie << on christmas.	26,872	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kebg11/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_sister_on_christmas/	2020-12-16 15:40:54	nta calling cps just because you’re angry is wrong. she took time away from children who are being neglected and need help to get back at you. not wanting to have her around your family is a normal response, she proved herself to be a danger to your family.	nta what she did was vicious. i would be looking into some kind of legal recourse for what she did. at the very least i would want the state to be forced to add the fact that the report was malicious. your daughter could have been seriously harmed by that. you were harmed by that false report. she needs to experience that sinking feeling you got when your life got turned upside down. talk to a lawyer and see what can be done. >it's been months and now my dad started bringing her up knowing how much uncomfortable i was. so she's using your father as her mouthpiece. and he is badgering you because it will be easier on him if you give into her tantrums. >he said that my sister feels sorry for what she did and wanted to talk things out on christmas dinner. she feels sorry that there are consequences for what she did. she was smugly certain you would suffer. >he and the others insisted saying that i should be the bigger person they all agree you should obey her orders and accept her abuse, so she can basically take your daughter away from you. >the family will be incomplete without me and my daughter on christmas. it's their choice to spend it with her instead. >saying i refuse to be a "civil adult" and go solve the issue that is dividing the family. your sister chose to "divide the family". they need to act like civil adults and get her some help for her disturbing behavior, not demand that you accomadate it. >they demanded that i at least let my daughter go be with them >>and her auntie << on christmas. so suddenly they have no problem with the family being divided, as long as you are the one excluded, and not the perpetrator of abuse against you and your daughter. op, she cannot be trusted, ever. neither can your parents, because they enable her. do not ever leave your daughter alone with them, because they will immediately allow your sister to see her. it sounds as if she was trying to replace you as the parent of your child long before she called cps, and she is still trying to do it with their help. she can never be trusted, & neither can your parents. they apparently do not even see her behavior as a problem. in their creepy little minds you are the problem. you are not the asshole. your sister and parents are all assholes. your sister is not your daughter's "aunty" anymore. keep your child far away from all of them and strictly limit what information you give them. i'm sorry.	of course you are nta, you sound like a good dad doing your best in a really tough situation. her behavior sounds absolutely bizarre, like she is trying to take over as your daughter's "mother" now that your wife has passed away. calling her by another name? and then calling cps when that didn't work? was she hoping to get custody? how old is your daughter?	nta she literally tried to rip your child away from you to be petty. that's not an " oops" situation.	nta. it sounds like your sister randomly decided that now your wife is gone this her chance to be mum to her niece. unfortunately for her, your daughter still has a loving parent that is actively involved in her life - you. i think that cps and similar social services will generally try to place children removed from their parents with close family, such as grandparents, or aunts and uncles. so your sister gets your daughter removed from your care, steps forward saying she has plenty of space and your daughter is used to staying around her house, and gets to play mum with your child. she even had a new name for her, which is downright delusional. you don't mention how old your daughter is, but learning personal hygiene, how to do some basic washing up, and making yourself some cold food, are all appropriate things to teach kids. otherwise they grow up to be crappy adults that need to be waited on hand and foot and struggle to cope in the real world. i'd make it quite clear to your father that there is no apology your sister can give to make up for trying to steal your daugher, and that under no circumstances will your daughter be having visits without you present. otherwise there's nothing to stop your sister fabricating more claims ("she showed up with these bruises", "she showed up with unclean hair and dirty clothes") and making a second attempt at cps intervention.	nta not only did your sister overstep her boundaries but she was very inconsiderate towards how you were teaching your daughter to become more independent. it’s definitely important to teach a child early on how to practice hygiene on their own. i’d be furious if i was in your shoes. i’m surprised your family doesn’t understand why you would be so upset.	how old is your daughter? based on what you wrote, your nta but she sure is. that cps report can haunt you even if nothing comes of it. she ruined your reputation & your daughter shouldn’t have any further contact with her. your child, your rules & if that means grandparents have less time with her at their home then so be it.	nta. my 4-year-old knows how to do some of that stuff. supervised, but still. teaching kids how to take care of themselves is not only is going to help them be healthier adults but builds confidence while they're children. it is very healthy and normal for them to know how to do things for themselves. her having a new name picked out for your daughter is a weird and huge red flag!! i'd say this was coming down the pipeline, fight or not. i would remain very, very firm on this boundary and not allow her to have any contact or relationship with your daughter. if your parents don't like that, they can figure out how to be more involved in ways that don't involve your psycho sister. family members who enable crazy people don't necessarily deserve the title of family either.	nta - seriously consider going no contact. this woman is insane.	op: nta. the moment that cps called on a false report, is the moment that you go nc with that person. and if your father and family are going to support your sister, you cut them off, do not go or take your daughter to christmas. as far as you are concerned they can pound sand. then take some time, decorate the tree, get your daughter into the kitchen, make cookies, make a cake, plan a nice christmas day around it being you and her. if they call, let it go to voice mail. if they show up, tell them to go, if they do not call the cops and press charges. in short, you are going to focus on what is important, you and your daughter. if they keep it up, take a look and think about moving to another location, farther away from all of them, where they have no real way to get to you or your child. also you may want to consider, if you were on good terms with your inlaws, say spending christmas with them, to allow for them to see their grandchild. make plans and just do not trust the one sister or your parents for that matter. they made a choice, to get triangulated in this, and support her. that was their mistake. yours would be to give into them.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ●i m37 lost my wife of 10 years and it was so devastating for me and my daughter. it's unfortunate but life goes on no matter what happens my family knows how much i struggle as a single dad and my sister doesn't really get it. she had issues with my late wife in the past but now started "helping" with my daughter. she re-decorated my daughter's room without my consent, she'd insist i let my daughter go spend days at her house but my daughter is comfortable at her home. she then started calling my daughter with another name and i'm still trying to understand her logic behind this. i told her to stop doing those things and to be respectful and supportive and she defended herself saying i'm lashing out of grief. i recently. started teaching my daughter to do stuff on her own like brush her hair/clean her room/wash her cups/make sandwiches while i take care of bigger stuff. my sister said that what i'm doing is wrong. that i'm giving her more than she can handle. she's just a kid and although i told her i'm teaching my daughter to be more independent she said that i'm clearly doing this for my own benefits and avoiding responsibility. i got into a fight with her about it. told her she has zero say in this. and the next day. a cps officer came to my house and took a tour around the house my first thought was "maybe he got the wrong house" until he started reading the report to me saying that i'm never home and that i make my daughter do things that aren't her responsibility, neglecting her education (btw she's homeschooled) and that i'm not taking care of basic hygiene and whatnot. i told the officer my story and explained that i'm adapting as a single parent and he proceeded to aske my daughter some questions. it was clearly a false report. however i was told that i will have a permanent record with cps. and i was shaken up by this. i told my family about it and my younger sister told me that my sister was the one who called cps after we had a big argument. i was so mad i confronted her after she hid herself. called her immature and stupid to pull this crap (she's in her 40s) and that she's no longer my sister. then cut contact. it's been months and now my dad started bringing her up knowing how uncomfortable i was. he said that my sister feels sorry for what she did and wanted to talk things out on christmas dinner.but i said no. he and the others insisted saying that i should be the bigger person. the family will be incomplete without me and my daughter on christmas. saying i refuse to be a "civil adult" to solve the issue that is dividing the family. i yelled and said that my daughter and i don't have to go after what she did, doesn't matter if she has issues on her own and didn't "mean it" and was just concerned. wtf was she so concerned about? they demanded that i at least let my daughter go be with them >>and her auntie << on christmas.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> ●i m37 lost my wife of 10 years and it was so devastating for me and my daughter. it's unfortunate but life goes on no matter what happens my family knows how much i struggle as a single dad and my sister doesn't really get it. she had issues with my late wife in the past but now started "helping" with my daughter. she re-decorated my daughter's room without my consent, she'd insist i let my daughter go spend days at her house but my daughter is comfortable at her home. she then started calling my daughter with another name and i'm still trying to understand her logic behind this. i told her to stop doing those things and to be respectful and supportive and she defended herself saying i'm lashing out of grief. i recently. started teaching my daughter to do stuff on her own like brush her hair/clean her room/wash her cups/make sandwiches while i take care of bigger stuff. my sister said that what i'm doing is wrong. that i'm giving her more than she can handle. she's just a kid and although i told her i'm teaching my daughter to be more independent she said that i'm clearly doing this for my own benefits and avoiding responsibility. i got into a fight with her about it. told her she has zero say in this. and the next day. a cps officer came to my house and took a tour around the house my first thought was "maybe he got the wrong house" until he started reading the report to me saying that i'm never home and that i make my daughter do things that aren't her responsibility, neglecting her education (btw she's homeschooled) and that i'm not taking care of basic hygiene and whatnot. i told the officer my story and explained that i'm adapting as a single parent and he proceeded to aske my daughter some questions. it was clearly a false report. however i was told that i will have a permanent record with cps. and i was shaken up by this. i told my family about it and my younger sister told me that my sister was the one who called cps after we had a big argument. i was so mad i confronted her after she hid herself. called her immature and stupid to pull this crap (she's in her 40s) and that she's no longer my sister. then cut contact. it's been months and now my dad started bringing her up knowing how uncomfortable i was. he said that my sister feels sorry for what she did and wanted to talk things out on christmas dinner.but i said no. he and the others insisted saying that i should be the bigger person. the family will be incomplete without me and my daughter on christmas. saying i refuse to be a "civil adult" to solve the issue that is dividing the family. i yelled and said that my daughter and i don't have to go after what she did, doesn't matter if she has issues on her own and didn't "mean it" and was just concerned. wtf was she so concerned about? they demanded that i at least let my daughter go be with them >>and her auntie << on christmas. [/INST] nta calling cps just because you’re angry is wrong. she took time away from children who are being neglected and need help to get back at you. not wanting to have her around your family is a normal response, she proved herself to be a danger to your family. </s>
AITA for not telling my cousin my fiance works at the same office as her husband?	first/only post, i mainly lurk. i thought stuff like this only happened in movies, but it happened and would like some unbiased opinions. more light-hearted than some of the other posts on here. i have a cousin 'kat', who got married to 'henry' early this year. we weren't close as kids - she was pretty spoilt and would always brag about how much designer stuff she has, be really mean to people under the guise of "just trying to help", etc. don't go out of our way to interact with one another but i do see her at family events and whatnot and we make small talk. i'm engaged to 'chris', who is a software engineer. he's co-head of his department at work with two other people - not too long ago, chris was telling me about how they had some new employees and one of them sounded really familiar, he told me the name and i realized it was kat's husband. (also he and henry hadn't met face-to-face yet) kat and henry had a huge wedding, it was really nice but all she did for months is brag about how amazing her wedding was. the wedding stuff's died down now so recently she's started going on about how wealthy her husband is and what a great lifestyle they have. one of my other aunts celebrated her 50th about a week ago, i went with chris and kat was there with henry. we were chatting and kat was saying how henry has a fantastic new job that pays even more than his previous one. henry chimed in and said that they were already planning to buy a new house. kat asked what chris does. i said he was an engineer like henry and he has a good job too, but i'll admit i left out where he works on purpose. she smiled and nodded, then said it's fine, she understands that i'm embarrassed and want to keep it quiet. so that was pretty much the end of our conversation then - when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me to "let her and henry know if we needed help with the wedding". obviously i knew what she meant and it was just another dig, but i said bye and left. literally two days later, i get a dm from kat and she's furious (well, as much as one can be through text) that i didn't tell them that chris was one of henry's bosses. henry was shocked to see him in the office and chris made a comment "tell kat -op- and me don't need help but thanks for offering". henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. it was my "duty" to tell her and henry. chris and i had a really good laugh over this, but she sent a text out to the family group chat we have saying how she was "blindsided" by me. a few others said that what we did was petty and wrong. so, aita?	26,800	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v6t4aq/aita_for_not_telling_my_cousin_my_fiance_works_at/	2022-06-07 11:38:17	nta and i love the way you handled it. it was better then the way i would have handled it which would have been to publicly and loudly ask her husband how he liked working for my husband. but i have a habit of making things worse. it’s not my best trait.	nta kat is embarrassed and also annoyed she can’t brag and one up you so she’s telling you off as a way to clambour back power over you. stand your ground and don’t apologise. you can say “i understand you’re embarrassed but i didn’t do anything wrong. if you didn’t talk down to people this would never be an issue”. ignore all the whinging and people she enlists to complain on her behalf. they are all wrong.	nta had you said something at the moment then she would have looked bad in front of everyone. you kept to yourself. however, i do think your fiancé shouldn't have said that in the office if you didn't bother saying it before. at the office he's his boss and he won't say anything back. at the party you were all equal. so either say something there or don't so something later at the office.	nta. >henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. she could have just not made the comments at all and been a decent person regardless of the work relationship. maybe she should take that as a lesson about what she says.	nta. man, you need to go full nice-b here. kat, honey, chris is a private kind of guy, he doesn't like a big fuss. and besides, you were being so lovely* in offering to help with the wedding, and you're so happy about being able to! i wasn't about to rain on your parade! you be proud of your man, babe! he's done so well! and you're so cute when you're bragging about him! don't you dare be embarrassed because you wanted to do something nice for someone you love!* now you know and she knows that it was all about tearing you down... but if you pretend you thought she was all cupcakes and sugar, she's left without a leg to stand on. 🤷‍♂️	nta. k and h did a perfectly good job of looking bad all by themselves without any help	nta if she feels the comments magically became inappropriate because they were directed to her husband's boss then they were inappropriate to begin with. she needs to stand by her shit or stop doing it.	[removed]	nta. you handled it privately instead of in public. you're a much better person than most of the people on here.	kat and chris are tas it sounded like kat was the one bragging about the salary, not henry. chris could have mentioned at the family party that he worked at the same place as henry, but he didnt. and again, it was kat who made the catty comment to op about helping to pay for the wedding. where chris elevates to ah level is shaming henry in the workplace, using his position of authority. henry was never the one boasting or acting the jerk, so it seems unfair for chris to take it out on him.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: first/only post, i mainly lurk. i thought stuff like this only happened in movies, but it happened and would like some unbiased opinions. more light-hearted than some of the other posts on here. i have a cousin 'kat', who got married to 'henry' early this year. we weren't close as kids - she was pretty spoilt and would always brag about how much designer stuff she has, be really mean to people under the guise of "just trying to help", etc. don't go out of our way to interact with one another but i do see her at family events and whatnot and we make small talk. i'm engaged to 'chris', who is a software engineer. he's co-head of his department at work with two other people - not too long ago, chris was telling me about how they had some new employees and one of them sounded really familiar, he told me the name and i realized it was kat's husband. (also he and henry hadn't met face-to-face yet) kat and henry had a huge wedding, it was really nice but all she did for months is brag about how amazing her wedding was. the wedding stuff's died down now so recently she's started going on about how wealthy her husband is and what a great lifestyle they have. one of my other aunts celebrated her 50th about a week ago, i went with chris and kat was there with henry. we were chatting and kat was saying how henry has a fantastic new job that pays even more than his previous one. henry chimed in and said that they were already planning to buy a new house. kat asked what chris does. i said he was an engineer like henry and he has a good job too, but i'll admit i left out where he works on purpose. she smiled and nodded, then said it's fine, she understands that i'm embarrassed and want to keep it quiet. so that was pretty much the end of our conversation then - when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me to "let her and henry know if we needed help with the wedding". obviously i knew what she meant and it was just another dig, but i said bye and left. literally two days later, i get a dm from kat and she's furious (well, as much as one can be through text) that i didn't tell them that chris was one of henry's bosses. henry was shocked to see him in the office and chris made a comment "tell kat -op- and me don't need help but thanks for offering". henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. it was my "duty" to tell her and henry. chris and i had a really good laugh over this, but she sent a text out to the family group chat we have saying how she was "blindsided" by me. a few others said that what we did was petty and wrong. so, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> first/only post, i mainly lurk. i thought stuff like this only happened in movies, but it happened and would like some unbiased opinions. more light-hearted than some of the other posts on here. i have a cousin 'kat', who got married to 'henry' early this year. we weren't close as kids - she was pretty spoilt and would always brag about how much designer stuff she has, be really mean to people under the guise of "just trying to help", etc. don't go out of our way to interact with one another but i do see her at family events and whatnot and we make small talk. i'm engaged to 'chris', who is a software engineer. he's co-head of his department at work with two other people - not too long ago, chris was telling me about how they had some new employees and one of them sounded really familiar, he told me the name and i realized it was kat's husband. (also he and henry hadn't met face-to-face yet) kat and henry had a huge wedding, it was really nice but all she did for months is brag about how amazing her wedding was. the wedding stuff's died down now so recently she's started going on about how wealthy her husband is and what a great lifestyle they have. one of my other aunts celebrated her 50th about a week ago, i went with chris and kat was there with henry. we were chatting and kat was saying how henry has a fantastic new job that pays even more than his previous one. henry chimed in and said that they were already planning to buy a new house. kat asked what chris does. i said he was an engineer like henry and he has a good job too, but i'll admit i left out where he works on purpose. she smiled and nodded, then said it's fine, she understands that i'm embarrassed and want to keep it quiet. so that was pretty much the end of our conversation then - when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me to "let her and henry know if we needed help with the wedding". obviously i knew what she meant and it was just another dig, but i said bye and left. literally two days later, i get a dm from kat and she's furious (well, as much as one can be through text) that i didn't tell them that chris was one of henry's bosses. henry was shocked to see him in the office and chris made a comment "tell kat -op- and me don't need help but thanks for offering". henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. it was my "duty" to tell her and henry. chris and i had a really good laugh over this, but she sent a text out to the family group chat we have saying how she was "blindsided" by me. a few others said that what we did was petty and wrong. so, aita? [/INST] nta and i love the way you handled it. it was better then the way i would have handled it which would have been to publicly and loudly ask her husband how he liked working for my husband. but i have a habit of making things worse. it’s not my best trait. </s>
AITA for refusing to give my niece our dog's room?	for the past month my 24 year old niece has been living with us. i'll call her princess because that's what her parents call her most of the time. she is a medical researcher (studied medicine but wasn't interested in the practical side of things more interested in the theoretical) and took up a position near where we live, and my sister convinced me to let her stay so she can save money. i was apprehensive because i know this girl has been coddled and babied since she was little. we have a 4 bedroom house. me and my husband, my son (16), my daughter (21) and our 4 year old rottweiler freddie. i told sister that princess would have to sleep on the sofa in the living room which she seemed ok with, but when she arrived both mother and daughter set about trying to convince me to clear out the dog's room and let her sleep in it. princess even said it would be ok to make him sleep outside because ''it's just a dog''. it's getting a lot colder now and i'd never let freddie sleep outside. i told princess that this is where she'd sleep, take it or leave it, and she was and still is really sulky about it, sulking about how we think a dog is more important than her. in all honesty i was right in thinking having princess stay is more trouble than it's worth. she goes out clubbing and partying a lot and makes no effort to keep the noise down when she comes home in the early hours of the morning. since she's arrived the living room smells of weed and that smell definitely wasn't there before she came. she's also rude to my kids. my daughter got engaged and we were all delighted, but princess was lovely enough to say that if her bf had gotten her a ''cheap'' ring like that she wouldn't even get out of bed for the wedding. daughter was in tears because of this and both husband and i had a word with princess, who then cried and phoned up her mother saying we were rude to her. had another phone call with sister today, and she still tried to convince me to put her daughter in the dog's room. i made clear this wasn't happening and sister got upset with me saying how nasty it was to value pets over family. i also said that her daughter was skating thin ice and that i wouldn't tolerate her behaviour for much longer. sister was very offended and said we should be happy to have her daughter there. sorry but how can i be happy to have a spoiled overgrown child who keeps trying to steal a room from a dog in my home?	26,794	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/db9dtn/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_niece_our_dogs_room/	2019-09-30 10:12:14	esh. the kid is clearly a brat, but you're a pretty terrible host for leaving a dog a room and making your guest sleep on the sofa. no matter who they are, that's incredibly rude on your part, and she's right to be offended.	esh. obviously your niece is being incredibly rude but i don't understand why you couldn't give her the dog's room for her stay. why didn't the dog sleep in the living room? you can't use "she's being a brat" as an excuse when you made the decision before she moved in.	who gives a dog an entire room??	i thought hard about this and i think yta. i feel as if you didn't want this princess in your home to begin with. so you took steps from the beginning to make her uncomfortable. you didn't give her a chance to prove she wouldn't be a brat. granted you were correct. but would it have been different if she felt as if she belonged from the beginning. we're there even rules and chores set down? my dog has his own room and when i have company i clear out my room and sleep in my dogs room so my guest is comfortable and my dog isn't put out. but that's just me. i would be so uncomfortable and weird sleeping on someone's couch for an extended period of time. where's her privacy? what if she wants to nap in the middle of the day? what if she needs to masturbate? what if it gets hot and she needs to sleep in her underwear? what if she needs to study in silence? what if she wants to have friends over? the weed issue is irrelevant since we don't know what state you're in and it can be legal in some places. but if i were living with you. i'd need to come home high so i can deal with the fact that my dog cousin is more respected than me.	esh. yeah, that girl would have her ass out the door for half the crap she's been pulling...but it is pretty weird to give a dog a room over a human guest.	nta but i want to see how you’ve decorated the dogs room. does he have his own nameplate on the door? a closet for his dog coats? i am delighted by this whole concept.	sounds made up tbh	esh because what do you do when you have guests? it is strange to give a dog a private room and make guests sleep in a public area of the house. your niece obviously sucks and has the freedom to move out at any time.	yta. plain and simple. dogs can literally sleep anywhere. people need somewhere to get dressed, have quiet time, and escape. dogs lick their balls in front of company.	yta i have had dogs most of my life and they are content sleeping on the couch. i can tell your niece is a brat, but i can also tell you probably are too. if i was under the impression that you only had a couch available and then showed up to find that there was a whole room being used for just a dog and would stay that way, i'd be upset and feel disrespected. i'm saying this as a fellow homeowner with kids. it also seems like you were very aware that your niece had a personality problem and chose to let her live with you anyways. if she offends you after that, you brought that on yourself.	ESH	ESH	null	YTA	ESH	NTA	null	ESH	YTA	YTA	0.153093	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for the past month my 24 year old niece has been living with us. i'll call her princess because that's what her parents call her most of the time. she is a medical researcher (studied medicine but wasn't interested in the practical side of things more interested in the theoretical) and took up a position near where we live, and my sister convinced me to let her stay so she can save money. i was apprehensive because i know this girl has been coddled and babied since she was little. we have a 4 bedroom house. me and my husband, my son (16), my daughter (21) and our 4 year old rottweiler freddie. i told sister that princess would have to sleep on the sofa in the living room which she seemed ok with, but when she arrived both mother and daughter set about trying to convince me to clear out the dog's room and let her sleep in it. princess even said it would be ok to make him sleep outside because ''it's just a dog''. it's getting a lot colder now and i'd never let freddie sleep outside. i told princess that this is where she'd sleep, take it or leave it, and she was and still is really sulky about it, sulking about how we think a dog is more important than her. in all honesty i was right in thinking having princess stay is more trouble than it's worth. she goes out clubbing and partying a lot and makes no effort to keep the noise down when she comes home in the early hours of the morning. since she's arrived the living room smells of weed and that smell definitely wasn't there before she came. she's also rude to my kids. my daughter got engaged and we were all delighted, but princess was lovely enough to say that if her bf had gotten her a ''cheap'' ring like that she wouldn't even get out of bed for the wedding. daughter was in tears because of this and both husband and i had a word with princess, who then cried and phoned up her mother saying we were rude to her. had another phone call with sister today, and she still tried to convince me to put her daughter in the dog's room. i made clear this wasn't happening and sister got upset with me saying how nasty it was to value pets over family. i also said that her daughter was skating thin ice and that i wouldn't tolerate her behaviour for much longer. sister was very offended and said we should be happy to have her daughter there. sorry but how can i be happy to have a spoiled overgrown child who keeps trying to steal a room from a dog in my home?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> for the past month my 24 year old niece has been living with us. i'll call her princess because that's what her parents call her most of the time. she is a medical researcher (studied medicine but wasn't interested in the practical side of things more interested in the theoretical) and took up a position near where we live, and my sister convinced me to let her stay so she can save money. i was apprehensive because i know this girl has been coddled and babied since she was little. we have a 4 bedroom house. me and my husband, my son (16), my daughter (21) and our 4 year old rottweiler freddie. i told sister that princess would have to sleep on the sofa in the living room which she seemed ok with, but when she arrived both mother and daughter set about trying to convince me to clear out the dog's room and let her sleep in it. princess even said it would be ok to make him sleep outside because ''it's just a dog''. it's getting a lot colder now and i'd never let freddie sleep outside. i told princess that this is where she'd sleep, take it or leave it, and she was and still is really sulky about it, sulking about how we think a dog is more important than her. in all honesty i was right in thinking having princess stay is more trouble than it's worth. she goes out clubbing and partying a lot and makes no effort to keep the noise down when she comes home in the early hours of the morning. since she's arrived the living room smells of weed and that smell definitely wasn't there before she came. she's also rude to my kids. my daughter got engaged and we were all delighted, but princess was lovely enough to say that if her bf had gotten her a ''cheap'' ring like that she wouldn't even get out of bed for the wedding. daughter was in tears because of this and both husband and i had a word with princess, who then cried and phoned up her mother saying we were rude to her. had another phone call with sister today, and she still tried to convince me to put her daughter in the dog's room. i made clear this wasn't happening and sister got upset with me saying how nasty it was to value pets over family. i also said that her daughter was skating thin ice and that i wouldn't tolerate her behaviour for much longer. sister was very offended and said we should be happy to have her daughter there. sorry but how can i be happy to have a spoiled overgrown child who keeps trying to steal a room from a dog in my home? [/INST] esh. the kid is clearly a brat, but you're a pretty terrible host for leaving a dog a room and making your guest sleep on the sofa. no matter who they are, that's incredibly rude on your part, and she's right to be offended. </s>
AITA for not giving my empty row of plane seats to a mother with toddlers?	this happened a couple weeks ago, but i'm still conflicted about it, so here goes. i travel a lot for work, mostly one route between the east and west coasts. most recently, i was out on the west coast and had to push my flight back by a few hours, and ended up switching to a red eye that would get me home at around 5:30am. this wouldn't be a problem except that i had a client meeting at 8:30 that morning, so while switching my ticket i paid out of pocket to upgrade to a window seat in an exit row, because the whole row was empty and that way i had a decent shot of getting at least a little bit of sleep. (because i take this specific route and airline a lot, i knew a few things about this particular row - namely that you can't recline the seats more than an inch or two and the window is usually kind of weird, which was fine by me since i just wanted to get on the plane and conk out.) of course, when it came time to board, i get to my row and find that a woman is sitting in the middle with her two young daughters, maybe 2 and 4, on either side of her. i politely told her that she'd made a mistake and was sitting in my seat. her response was that she was seated a row up and across the aisle, on the aisle seat, but her two kids were across from her on the aisle and middle, and she saw the empty row before i got there, and would i do her the favor of just switching? here's the thing: if circumstances were different, i would have! but i explained that i had a meeting at 8:30 and paid extra for that ticket so that i could sleep. i really thought that would be the end of it, but she huffed and shook her head and buckled her kids' seatbelts right then and there. by this point the plane is filling up, i'm blocking the aisle, it's causing a whole thing, so i just flag down a flight attendant and explain the situation. the mom stops ignoring me long enough to pipe up and say she needs a row where the three of them can sit together. the flight attendant (who looked exhausted and totally done and clearly just wanted to get home as much as i did) goes, "this is an exit row. your kids can't sit there because they're not capable of performing the exit row responsibilities in case of an emergency landing. there's not going to be another empty row. please sit in the seat indicated on your ticket." so i sit down in my window seat and she takes her kids and moves up a row, and i figure that's the last of it, but of course, no one else comes to sit down in my row (the gamble paid off), and so when we finally take off and hit cruising altitude, i push the arm rests up and stretch out across the row and just pass out. when we land, i'm getting my bag out of the overhead, and the woman stands up and mutters to me, "you look like you slept well, bitch." so, reddit. am i the asshole (or bitch, as it were)? **	26,794	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/co2j4x/aita_for_not_giving_my_empty_row_of_plane_seats/	2019-08-09 13:41:13	nta you paid for the ticket, and that particular set of seats doesn't allow kids. end of.	nta but that woman sure was. i'm a mom and i have flown several times with my two toddlers. first of all, a responsible parent doesn't book a flight without paying for confirmed seats, to ensure you're sitting with your kiddos. either she hasn't done this before or really likes to gamble, because i would never assume a flight would have three seats side by side without reserving them. second of all, absolutely not, toddlers can't be in the exit row. i actually had a flight attendant move our seats on our most recent flight because we were sitting behind the exit row and apparently that wasn't okay either. third, it was uncalled for for this woman to be so rude to you. she needed three seats side by side and all she had to do was ask a flight attendant for help. it's unnecessary and asshole-ish to just take someone's seat. i've been on both sides of this problem, and flight attendants are wonderful in kindly asking people if they can move so everyone can get situated.	nta. she wasn't an asshole for asking you initially, but she became one when she refused. you bought that ticket and that seat, it was yours. if she needed a switch, she should have asked the crew and they would have worked something out for her. and besides, they couldn't even sit there! it was an emergency row! traveling with kids must be exhausting, but it's not a free pass to be an asshole to whomever you please.	nta 1, you paid for it, not her. 2, she wasnt allowed to sit there with kids, end of. she was an idiot.	[removed]	nta. she could have also paid extra to make sure her kids were sitting with her, but she chose not to. she doesn’t get to then try to bully her way into other people’s seats.	nta you paid extra for those seats, doesn't matter how entitled that crappy parent is she should have ordered tickets earlier to ensure she could sit next to her kids. plus that "bitch" comment was so uncalled for. i think you could prob post this is in r/entitledparents	nta. flight attendant would have booted them later because of the emergency aisle situation. what you did really didn't matter, but the mom had the sense to not mouth off to the flight attendant.	nta. you don’t owe someone a seat you paid for because they have kids. they chose to have children, so they shouldn’t expect special treatment from strangers just for having them	i hope you said, "yes, i did." and smiled at the entitled woman and her brats.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a couple weeks ago, but i'm still conflicted about it, so here goes. i travel a lot for work, mostly one route between the east and west coasts. most recently, i was out on the west coast and had to push my flight back by a few hours, and ended up switching to a red eye that would get me home at around 5:30am. this wouldn't be a problem except that i had a client meeting at 8:30 that morning, so while switching my ticket i paid out of pocket to upgrade to a window seat in an exit row, because the whole row was empty and that way i had a decent shot of getting at least a little bit of sleep. (because i take this specific route and airline a lot, i knew a few things about this particular row - namely that you can't recline the seats more than an inch or two and the window is usually kind of weird, which was fine by me since i just wanted to get on the plane and conk out.) of course, when it came time to board, i get to my row and find that a woman is sitting in the middle with her two young daughters, maybe 2 and 4, on either side of her. i politely told her that she'd made a mistake and was sitting in my seat. her response was that she was seated a row up and across the aisle, on the aisle seat, but her two kids were across from her on the aisle and middle, and she saw the empty row before i got there, and would i do her the favor of just switching? here's the thing: if circumstances were different, i would have! but i explained that i had a meeting at 8:30 and paid extra for that ticket so that i could sleep. i really thought that would be the end of it, but she huffed and shook her head and buckled her kids' seatbelts right then and there. by this point the plane is filling up, i'm blocking the aisle, it's causing a whole thing, so i just flag down a flight attendant and explain the situation. the mom stops ignoring me long enough to pipe up and say she needs a row where the three of them can sit together. the flight attendant (who looked exhausted and totally done and clearly just wanted to get home as much as i did) goes, "this is an exit row. your kids can't sit there because they're not capable of performing the exit row responsibilities in case of an emergency landing. there's not going to be* another empty row. please sit in the seat indicated on your ticket." so i sit down in my window seat and she takes her kids and moves up a row, and i figure that's the last of it, but of course, no one else comes to sit down in my row (the gamble paid off), and so when we finally take off and hit cruising altitude, i push the arm rests up and stretch out across the row and just pass out. when we land, i'm getting my bag out of the overhead, and the woman stands up and mutters to me, "you look like you slept well, bitch." so, reddit. am i the asshole (or bitch, as it were)? **	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this happened a couple weeks ago, but i'm still conflicted about it, so here goes. i travel a lot for work, mostly one route between the east and west coasts. most recently, i was out on the west coast and had to push my flight back by a few hours, and ended up switching to a red eye that would get me home at around 5:30am. this wouldn't be a problem except that i had a client meeting at 8:30 that morning, so while switching my ticket i paid out of pocket to upgrade to a window seat in an exit row, because the whole row was empty and that way i had a decent shot of getting at least a little bit of sleep. (because i take this specific route and airline a lot, i knew a few things about this particular row - namely that you can't recline the seats more than an inch or two and the window is usually kind of weird, which was fine by me since i just wanted to get on the plane and conk out.) of course, when it came time to board, i get to my row and find that a woman is sitting in the middle with her two young daughters, maybe 2 and 4, on either side of her. i politely told her that she'd made a mistake and was sitting in my seat. her response was that she was seated a row up and across the aisle, on the aisle seat, but her two kids were across from her on the aisle and middle, and she saw the empty row before i got there, and would i do her the favor of just switching? here's the thing: if circumstances were different, i would have! but i explained that i had a meeting at 8:30 and paid extra for that ticket so that i could sleep. i really thought that would be the end of it, but she huffed and shook her head and buckled her kids' seatbelts right then and there. by this point the plane is filling up, i'm blocking the aisle, it's causing a whole thing, so i just flag down a flight attendant and explain the situation. the mom stops ignoring me long enough to pipe up and say she needs a row where the three of them can sit together. the flight attendant (who looked exhausted and totally done and clearly just wanted to get home as much as i did) goes, "this is an exit row. your kids can't sit there because they're not capable of performing the exit row responsibilities in case of an emergency landing. there's not going to be* another empty row. please sit in the seat indicated on your ticket." so i sit down in my window seat and she takes her kids and moves up a row, and i figure that's the last of it, but of course, no one else comes to sit down in my row (the gamble paid off), and so when we finally take off and hit cruising altitude, i push the arm rests up and stretch out across the row and just pass out. when we land, i'm getting my bag out of the overhead, and the woman stands up and mutters to me, "you look like you slept well, bitch." so, reddit. am i the asshole (or bitch, as it were)? ** [/INST] nta you paid for the ticket, and that particular set of seats doesn't allow kids. end of. </s>
AITA for making my SIL feel like shit about her weight?	35f and my sil is 46f. i have 3 children, the oldest being 16m. for my birthday last week my son went out and bought me this swinging hammock chair that i had been wanting for 2 years and it cost him quite a bit of his saved money (which i fully intend to put back in to his bank account so he can continue saving). he was so excited to see me open this gift and couldnt wait to help me set it up. i told him he shouldnt have, that it was a lot of money and his response was "you never get anything nice. i wanted you to have it." and it was true. i usually dont get anything for my birthday or christmases outside of tupperware or soaps. so it might sound stupid but i have cherished this swing ever since he got it for me, especially where i finally have something nice that's mine. my sil comes over once a week to see all of us and she immediately headed straight for my swing (which my son hooked up on our deck). i told her to please not sit on it and she said "is there a weight limit?" so i told her yes, 250lbs and i even showed her the box to confirm. she was not upset about this. she just said "that's a bummer, they need to make something capable of holding us big girls". i simply agreed with her and went about my business. at this point my husband shows up from work. when i went inside to grab us some drinks her and my husband are talking on the porch and not even 5 minutes later i hear a loud crash and my husband say "fuck, are you alright?" i go out and sure enough she had sat in my swing and the crochet netting around the hook snapped on one side, causing her to fall right on her ass. she is sitting there laughing, gets up and says "i guess i need to learn to listen." so i lost it. as i said above, i literally never get anything nice. never. this is the one thing that i had that was mine and it didnt even take someone a freaking week before they ruined it for me. so i said "i literally just fucking told you not even 20 minutes ago that it would not hold you and to please not fucking sit in it." she makes some comment about "usually the weight limit is a lie. i thought it would hold." so i said "the weight limit probably would have held if you were only 50lbs heavier than it, not 150." (she is 420ish lbs because she is one of those girls who eat food on camera for money and she absolutely loves her weight). but regardless, instead of apologizing or offering to compensate me for my destroyed item, she has resorted to saying i'm a shit bag for making her feel like her weight is a problem and my husband is on her side. "its just a fucking swing". aita?	26,767	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vbay7f/aita_for_making_my_sil_feel_like_shit_about_her/	2022-06-13 12:22:12	nta tell your husband that he can buy you a new one because if it’s “just a fucking swing”	nta. your sil needs to compensate you for it. as well as apologize. she is heavy. she knows it. she deliberately sat in your swing even though she knew the weight limit was lower than her weight. as far as i'm concerned, she has pretty much broken it intentionally. also, any decent person gets embarrassed when they break something that doesn't belong to them, no matter how it happens. especially if the owner gets upset about it. instead she is playing the "you fat-shamed me" card to get out of the situation.	nta. she destroyed something special of yours and didn’t even apologize. i’m sure she’s very embarrassed but she knew the consequences of her actions and did it anyway. your husband sucks too.	nta but what kind of marriage do you have where you comment multiple times you have nothing that's yours and never get gifts aside from soap and tupperware? that honestly sounds terrible	nta. you weren't fat shaming her. she literally ignored and dismissed your warning about the weight limit on your cherished birthday present, and now she is 100% responsible for destroying it but refusing to take responsibility. you were simply holding her accountable for what she did, and you are absolutely entitled to be angry. she is the ah for this and your husband is an ah as well, for not supporting you.	nta. the swing could hold 250 lbs. she weighs 420. in this case, her weight was the problem. she knowingly demolished your property. she owes you a new swing, especially as it had sentimental value for you.	nta. "dear hubby, pay for the replacement and we can all laugh together. don't want to pay for the replacement for something you think is no big deal? then stand back and watch the fireworks."	nta her weight isn't the problem, it's her inability to listen and be respectful of other people and their things. also what the hell is your husband doing? your son noticed you don't have nice things, but has your husband? why is he okay with his sister breaking your gifts?	nta. many things for like construction and stuff will usually be able to hold double what is stated for safety reasons to guarantee it will hold the limit marked on it without strain e.g. if it says 5kg, it might be able to lift 10kg at a strain, but this makes it a guarantee that it can lift 5kg consistently without breaking or strain. your swing likely did have some ability to hold over 250lbs for safety reasons, but it is not a crane, no way was it going to be able to hold 170lbs over the stated limit. not fond of your husband here much either, it doesn't much seem like he values you or your possessions very much if you literally never get anything nice even though you have a husband and three kids??? your eldest son should not in fact, be the only one that thinks you deserve nice things.	nta, and tell your husband if he’s not going to hold her accountable for paying to replace it, he needs to find a way to cover the cost without that putting a crimp in any of your plans. she destroyed someone else’s brand-new possession. that alone should have her embarrassed and wanting to make amends. the fact she went out of her way to check whether there might be an issue with her using it, was told there might be, and did it anyway? i don’t know where she gets off thinking you’re not allowed to point out she’s being delusional in her refusal to take any responsibility whatsoever.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 35f and my sil is 46f. i have 3 children, the oldest being 16m. for my birthday last week my son went out and bought me this swinging hammock chair that i had been wanting for 2 years and it cost him quite a bit of his saved money (which i fully intend to put back in to his bank account so he can continue saving). he was so excited to see me open this gift and couldnt wait to help me set it up. i told him he shouldnt have, that it was a lot of money and his response was "you never get anything nice. i wanted you to have it." and it was true. i usually dont get anything for my birthday or christmases outside of tupperware or soaps. so it might sound stupid but i have cherished this swing ever since he got it for me, especially where i finally have something nice that's mine. my sil comes over once a week to see all of us and she immediately headed straight for my swing (which my son hooked up on our deck). i told her to please not sit on it and she said "is there a weight limit?" so i told her yes, 250lbs and i even showed her the box to confirm. she was not upset about this. she just said "that's a bummer, they need to make something capable of holding us big girls". i simply agreed with her and went about my business. at this point my husband shows up from work. when i went inside to grab us some drinks her and my husband are talking on the porch and not even 5 minutes later i hear a loud crash and my husband say "fuck, are you alright?" i go out and sure enough she had sat in my swing and the crochet netting around the hook snapped on one side, causing her to fall right on her ass. she is sitting there laughing, gets up and says "i guess i need to learn to listen." so i lost it. as i said above, i literally never get anything nice. never. this is the one thing that i had that was mine and it didnt even take someone a freaking week before they ruined it for me. so i said "i literally just fucking told you not even 20 minutes ago that it would not hold you and to please not fucking sit in it." she makes some comment about "usually the weight limit is a lie. i thought it would hold." so i said "the weight limit probably would have held if you were only 50lbs heavier than it, not 150." (she is 420ish lbs because she is one of those girls who eat food on camera for money and she absolutely loves her weight). but regardless, instead of apologizing or offering to compensate me for my destroyed item, she has resorted to saying i'm a shit bag for making her feel like her weight is a problem and my husband is on her side. "its just a fucking swing". aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> 35f and my sil is 46f. i have 3 children, the oldest being 16m. for my birthday last week my son went out and bought me this swinging hammock chair that i had been wanting for 2 years and it cost him quite a bit of his saved money (which i fully intend to put back in to his bank account so he can continue saving). he was so excited to see me open this gift and couldnt wait to help me set it up. i told him he shouldnt have, that it was a lot of money and his response was "you never get anything nice. i wanted you to have it." and it was true. i usually dont get anything for my birthday or christmases outside of tupperware or soaps. so it might sound stupid but i have cherished this swing ever since he got it for me, especially where i finally have something nice that's mine. my sil comes over once a week to see all of us and she immediately headed straight for my swing (which my son hooked up on our deck). i told her to please not sit on it and she said "is there a weight limit?" so i told her yes, 250lbs and i even showed her the box to confirm. she was not upset about this. she just said "that's a bummer, they need to make something capable of holding us big girls". i simply agreed with her and went about my business. at this point my husband shows up from work. when i went inside to grab us some drinks her and my husband are talking on the porch and not even 5 minutes later i hear a loud crash and my husband say "fuck, are you alright?" i go out and sure enough she had sat in my swing and the crochet netting around the hook snapped on one side, causing her to fall right on her ass. she is sitting there laughing, gets up and says "i guess i need to learn to listen." so i lost it. as i said above, i literally never get anything nice. never. this is the one thing that i had that was mine and it didnt even take someone a freaking week before they ruined it for me. so i said "i literally just fucking told you not even 20 minutes ago that it would not hold you and to please not fucking sit in it." she makes some comment about "usually the weight limit is a lie. i thought it would hold." so i said "the weight limit probably would have held if you were only 50lbs heavier than it, not 150." (she is 420ish lbs because she is one of those girls who eat food on camera for money and she absolutely loves her weight). but regardless, instead of apologizing or offering to compensate me for my destroyed item, she has resorted to saying i'm a shit bag for making her feel like her weight is a problem and my husband is on her side. "its just a fucking swing". aita? [/INST] nta tell your husband that he can buy you a new one because if it’s “just a fucking swing” </s>
AITA ruining my friend's birthday party by taking back the cake I baked for her?	my friend is quirky. she was never diagnosed with anything but she is very clueless sometimes. i have had to spell things out for her a lot. few months back, she borrowed a dress of mine. i really love that dress. there isn't any sentimental value but i got it when we were on vacation few years ago. she also loved the dress and one day just transferred the money to my account and told me that she was keeping the dress. i spoke to her but she just told me that doesn't matter as she has paid me. her birthday was a week ago and her mom asked me to bake a big cake for her. i usually sell cakes cheap (little more than ingredients cost). on her birthday, i went over to her house with the cake 15 mins before the party was due to start and then decided to talk to her mother. like i said, sometimes my friend is really clueless sometimes and i was hoping her mom would speak to her and get my dress back. i was very shocked when she also said that as long as i was paid what does it matter. she told me to just move on as it was just a dress and that my friend really liked it. she told me as long the dress was paid for, what am i complaining about. i got really pissed off and pulled out the amount she paid me just paid me, put it on the table, picked up the cake and left. she got mad and started yelling at me that i was ruining the party. i kept walking back to my house. she kept telling me to give back the cake and that i couldn't take it back just because i want to be petty. i just asked what she was complaining about as i had paid back the money. my friend ended up having a cakeless 16th birthday because of this. aita here?	26,756	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jnxiz8/aita_ruining_my_friends_birthday_party_by_taking/	2020-11-04 14:23:01	nta obviously, but i'm dead laughing at this. they can have the "so what? it's paid for" mentality but if it comes back on them it's petty? lol	nta... but you should have just stolen the dress back while at the party and venmo’d her money back to her. now you have no ‘friend’ and no dress.	"it was not for sale. it cannot be replaced." end of discussion. she did not have a cakeless party. they just had to go to the store. nta. you were openly disrespected and stuck up for yourself.	petty? yes asshole? yes justified? also yes. it wasn't the kindest or most mature thing to do, but hey, you don't let people walk over you so respect for that.	nta i think you are a troll but this was way more satisfactory than most.	nta for demonstrating a fatal flaw in the families approach to logic. they’re wrong btw	nta- shes not a friend i'd like to have. doesn't matter if she sent you money, unless you specifically told her she could keep it the dress still belongs to you. seems like she can't do no wrong in her mother's eyes. i would definitely of done the same thing. if your friendship means anything to her she will give you your dress back.	nta - your friend is entitled af, but her mother is the real piece of work here - what the hell kind of parenting is this? her kid borrows something, refuses to give it back, and thinks that it's okay to just pay you and keep what she wants? she stole from you, her mother backed her up, so you canceled the job and gave her a refund. they are not entitled to your services in addition to stealing your dress.	>she also loved the dress and one day just transferred the money to my account and told me that she was keeping the dress. fuck that birthday nta	nta there wasn't an agreement to sell the dress. if it wasn't for sale, it cannot simply be bought. people can't just take something and give a random amount of money for it. even if that amount is close to or exceeding the value of the object, it was your property and you didn't want to part with it.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friend is quirky. she was never diagnosed with anything but she is very clueless sometimes. i have had to spell things out for her a lot. few months back, she borrowed a dress of mine. i really love that dress. there isn't any sentimental value but i got it when we were on vacation few years ago. she also loved the dress and one day just transferred the money to my account and told me that she was keeping the dress. i spoke to her but she just told me that doesn't matter as she has paid me. her birthday was a week ago and her mom asked me to bake a big cake for her. i usually sell cakes cheap (little more than ingredients cost). on her birthday, i went over to her house with the cake 15 mins before the party was due to start and then decided to talk to her mother. like i said, sometimes my friend is really clueless sometimes and i was hoping her mom would speak to her and get my dress back. i was very shocked when she also said that as long as i was paid what does it matter. she told me to just move on as it was just a dress and that my friend really liked it. she told me as long the dress was paid for, what am i complaining about. i got really pissed off and pulled out the amount she paid me just paid me, put it on the table, picked up the cake and left. she got mad and started yelling at me that i was ruining the party. i kept walking back to my house. she kept telling me to give back the cake and that i couldn't take it back just because i want to be petty. i just asked what she was complaining about as i had paid back the money. my friend ended up having a cakeless 16th birthday because of this. aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my friend is quirky. she was never diagnosed with anything but she is very clueless sometimes. i have had to spell things out for her a lot. few months back, she borrowed a dress of mine. i really love that dress. there isn't any sentimental value but i got it when we were on vacation few years ago. she also loved the dress and one day just transferred the money to my account and told me that she was keeping the dress. i spoke to her but she just told me that doesn't matter as she has paid me. her birthday was a week ago and her mom asked me to bake a big cake for her. i usually sell cakes cheap (little more than ingredients cost). on her birthday, i went over to her house with the cake 15 mins before the party was due to start and then decided to talk to her mother. like i said, sometimes my friend is really clueless sometimes and i was hoping her mom would speak to her and get my dress back. i was very shocked when she also said that as long as i was paid what does it matter. she told me to just move on as it was just a dress and that my friend really liked it. she told me as long the dress was paid for, what am i complaining about. i got really pissed off and pulled out the amount she paid me just paid me, put it on the table, picked up the cake and left. she got mad and started yelling at me that i was ruining the party. i kept walking back to my house. she kept telling me to give back the cake and that i couldn't take it back just because i want to be petty. i just asked what she was complaining about as i had paid back the money. my friend ended up having a cakeless 16th birthday because of this. aita here? [/INST] nta obviously, but i'm dead laughing at this. they can have the "so what? it's paid for" mentality but if it comes back on them it's petty? lol </s>
AITA for moving out mid-lease and stranding my roommate with full rent after his girlfriend keeps accusing me of being “creepy”?	so i’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. i’m actually subletting and i’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that i’d stay until the end of the year. i mean it’s a pandemic, i didn’t think i’d move either. anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. it’s been...a lot. she’s obviously had some trauma in the past. i didn’t dig but i believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back. well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. she obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate. he said i couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. he also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, i should wait until she leaves before i grab food, etc.) like yes it’s strange but i figured it’s his place so whatever. i’m not trying to befriend her either. things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. it’s really hard to avoid someone 24/7. so obviously i’ve slipped up more. one time i came home from costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water i couldn’t fit in the fridge. big mistake. my roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how i should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer. the most recent one was when she was watching some got in our living room. i just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. i laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. i got another earful from my roommate about how i needed to stop “creeping” on her now that i’m home all the time. long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and i’m gonna move. i told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. i feel bad because yeah, i did say i wasn’t gonna move. but i’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok.	26,738	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ifk8n6/aita_for_moving_out_midlease_and_stranding_my/	2020-08-24 07:05:05	nta - that's an insane way to have to live. get out asap	nta. if you leave there are still 2 people in the flat. why is the gf not paying rent? besides that, these were ridiculous rules. if she can't get over her past trauma it's not your responsibility to cope with her to the point you can't offer coconut water. must be hard for her but she is ta.	nta. he made the place super uncomfortable for you. is it weird that i want to hear more about this bizarre situation though?	nta. you agreed to stay there before you started getting treated like a would be criminal in your own home. it’s ridiculous to expect you to live like that. if your roommates girlfriend can’t live with other people in her living space, she shouldn’t have moved in.	nta move out and don't look back. if you are such a creep, they should be overjoyed to see you leaving anyway.	nta your roommate's girlfriend sounds weird and incapable of normal human interaction. how do you live in the same house as someone without striking up an occasional conversation once in a while or running into each other in common areas? that would be very uncomfortable. it sounds like your roommate is enabling her weird behaviour instead of explaining to her that it's just not how human beings act in a society. get out of there.	nta. move out. >however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok. exactly. when you thought it would be ok. this is a bit much. obviously we don't know what trauma she's gone through, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with being treated like that at your own place. that's your home too. if you're not comfortable with how you're being treated - which, frankly, noone would be, then you need to leave.	[deleted]	nta. the place was your home just as much as it was theirs. from what you have said you seemed to have been nothing but nice and willing to put up with them. i understand she went through traumatic experiences but if she’s going to act like this she needs to see a therapist before she moves in with anyone.	nta. your room mate and his gf sound perfect for one another, who wants to play third wheel to those two asshats.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. i’m actually subletting and i’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that i’d stay until the end of the year. i mean it’s a pandemic, i didn’t think i’d move either. anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. it’s been...a lot. she’s obviously had some trauma in the past. i didn’t dig but i believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back. well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. she obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate. he said i couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. he also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, i should wait until she leaves before i grab food, etc.) like yes it’s strange but i figured it’s his place so whatever. i’m not trying to befriend her either. things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. it’s really hard to avoid someone 24/7. so obviously i’ve slipped up more. one time i came home from costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water i couldn’t fit in the fridge. big mistake. my roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how i should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer. the most recent one was when she was watching some got in our living room. i just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. i laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. i got another earful from my roommate about how i needed to stop “creeping” on her now that i’m home all the time. long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and i’m gonna move. i told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. i feel bad because yeah, i did say i wasn’t gonna move. but i’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. i’m actually subletting and i’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that i’d stay until the end of the year. i mean it’s a pandemic, i didn’t think i’d move either. anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. it’s been...a lot. she’s obviously had some trauma in the past. i didn’t dig but i believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back. well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. she obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate. he said i couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. he also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, i should wait until she leaves before i grab food, etc.) like yes it’s strange but i figured it’s his place so whatever. i’m not trying to befriend her either. things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. it’s really hard to avoid someone 24/7. so obviously i’ve slipped up more. one time i came home from costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water i couldn’t fit in the fridge. big mistake. my roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how i should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer. the most recent one was when she was watching some got in our living room. i just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. i laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. i got another earful from my roommate about how i needed to stop “creeping” on her now that i’m home all the time. long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and i’m gonna move. i told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. i feel bad because yeah, i did say i wasn’t gonna move. but i’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok. [/INST] nta - that's an insane way to have to live. get out asap </s>
AITA for buying a $50,000 guitar for $4,000 and refusing to sell it back when the buyer found out the real value?	this happened a while back. my wife and i still talk about it every once in a while. she's on my side and most of our friends and family are. however when it happened it was like ww3 between us and her co-workers and others. here we go...i've been playing the guitar for 22 years. i know guitar values and whatnot very well. i'm very into the guitar market. at my wife's old company she was hanging out with co-workers one day after work and she mentioned that i play guitar. a co-worker who i guess is very popular at work said that his dad passed away and he was selling his dads things. his dad had a guitar and asked my wife if i'd be interested in it. my wife texted me and i said to have him send me the info on the guitar and the price. the next day he texted me the pics and price. it was a 1952 telecaster in mint condition. he had the original receipts which was crazy! (that's how i knew the date). i asked what he wanted for it and he said he "looked up telecasters online and he thinks $4,000 is fair". i texted back, "i'll take it for $4,000" and went to pick it up. the guitar had no sentimental value to him at all. here's the issue at hand. the guitar was/is worth approximately $50,000 depending on the buyer and i knew it. when i got the guitar i told my wife the price and what it was worth. she was floored. fast forward two weeks her co-worker tells my wife he just found out what the guitar was actually worth from a family friend and wanted it back. she said, "well he really likes the guitar and he knew it was worth $50,000 which is why he was floored you offered it to him for $4,000. he really likes it and i doubt he will sell it back, but you can ask." (probably not the smartest thing for her to say, but she was caught off guard and it's not her fault or problem). he contacted me and asked to buy it back. i said that it's not for sale. he then said i scammed him and he was going to "sue me and take my wife to hr for being a part of the scam." which was nuts, but he actually did contact hr. they were cool about it and said it's not their problem. it's between him and me. over the next few months he made things very uncomfortable for my wife at work. he would bug her constantly about it. she eventually had to go to hr for harassment and they actually let him go (she complained twice and he was warned and didn't stop). he's contacted me several times about it so i got a restraining order for harassment too. i blocked him too. i haven't heard from him in about a year. aita?	26,700	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ftum7d/aita_for_buying_a_50000_guitar_for_4000_and/	2020-04-02 21:08:51	nta. when you sell something it is your responsibility to know or determine what its worth not the person you are selling to.	esh. you blatantly took advantage of him and his ignorance. he sucks because he didn’t research it enough, and then harassed you and your wife to the point it got him fired. just a whole messy situation. i don’t think you should sell it back to him. you paid a price he gave you (bad on him). you just seriously took advantage of him (bad on you).	esh. harassing you and your wife is not okay whatsoever regardless of circumstance. but let's be real, you did prey on his ignorance and took advantage of it, which makes you suck, too. harsh lesson for the guy (double whammy in losing something of value and going crazy and being fired in the process). hes an idiot because he should have done his research. you on the other hand, will justify in your head why you think you're in the right and won't lose any sleep over it. but -- consider this: insider trading is wrong because of information asymmetry - ie, someone profits because of others' ignorance - the balance of knowledge of information is not the same. similarly, there was major information asymmetry between you and this guy - you knew way more about the value of the guitar because it is one of your passions. you profited from this asymmetry. granted, not illegal (as insider trading is), but if it were me, i would feel really guilty about taking this kind of advantage over someone. this is $46k we're talking about.	i'm a bit conflicted because it seems there may be more to the story but i'm gonna say yta. you knew what it was worth and blatantly ripped the guy off. he just lost his dad and was probably having a hard time and just wanting to unload stuff but you could have leveled with the guy and told him the truth. sure you may not have ended up with the guitar but now you seem like a greedy prick	yta. i can't believe how many votes on here for the opposite! this guy sold his late dad's possession in good faith and you took advantage. this isn't even a random person, a colleague and assume some kind of friend? for everyone going on about how the guy should have "researched" properly, if he doesn't know anything about guitars he probably had no way of knowing what he was looking for. what a shitty thing to do, you should have told him what it was worth.	yta - 100% without question that was an asshole move, doesn't mean you have to give it back. the non asshole move would be to tell him its value before purchasing, not knowingly take it for almost nothing.. the majority of people would have done the exact same thing in your situation, doesn't mean it isnt an asshole move.	i feel like this thread highlights the dissonance between reality and reddit extremely well. how can someone possibly think this is the morally right thing to do. yta, that was really low.	morally yta ( and you know it ), you took advantage of him for your own gain, simple as. in the world we live in this happens daily, so nothing new, but now you gotta live with it.	[deleted]	yta. there’s a legal aspect and a moral aspect to this. i can’t speak to the legal side (and this isn’t a legal sub, though it might be worth a post to one). but from a moral standpoint, yeah, they should have done better research. but you knowingly took advantage of a grieving co-worker, to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars of their inheritance. that’s just an asshole thing to do. i mean, put yourself in their shoes. imagine you passed away, and your wife was grieving - how would you want the people in her life to treat her? secretly thrilled at making a massive profit from her grief and ignorance? no, right?	NTA	ESH	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0.06929	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a while back. my wife and i still talk about it every once in a while. she's on my side and most of our friends and family are. however when it happened it was like ww3 between us and her co-workers and others. here we go...i've been playing the guitar for 22 years. i know guitar values and whatnot very well. i'm very into the guitar market. at my wife's old company she was hanging out with co-workers one day after work and she mentioned that i play guitar. a co-worker who i guess is very popular at work said that his dad passed away and he was selling his dads things. his dad had a guitar and asked my wife if i'd be interested in it. my wife texted me and i said to have him send me the info on the guitar and the price. the next day he texted me the pics and price. it was a 1952 telecaster in mint condition. he had the original receipts which was crazy! (that's how i knew the date). i asked what he wanted for it and he said he "looked up telecasters online and he thinks $4,000 is fair". i texted back, "i'll take it for $4,000" and went to pick it up. the guitar had no sentimental value to him at all. here's the issue at hand. the guitar was/is worth approximately $50,000 depending on the buyer and i knew it. when i got the guitar i told my wife the price and what it was worth. she was floored. fast forward two weeks her co-worker tells my wife he just found out what the guitar was actually worth from a family friend and wanted it back. she said, "well he really likes the guitar and he knew it was worth $50,000 which is why he was floored you offered it to him for $4,000. he really likes it and i doubt he will sell it back, but you can ask." (probably not the smartest thing for her to say, but she was caught off guard and it's not her fault or problem). he contacted me and asked to buy it back. i said that it's not for sale. he then said i scammed him and he was going to "sue me and take my wife to hr for being a part of the scam." which was nuts, but he actually did contact hr. they were cool about it and said it's not their problem. it's between him and me. over the next few months he made things very uncomfortable for my wife at work. he would bug her constantly about it. she eventually had to go to hr for harassment and they actually let him go (she complained twice and he was warned and didn't stop). he's contacted me several times about it so i got a restraining order for harassment too. i blocked him too. i haven't heard from him in about a year. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this happened a while back. my wife and i still talk about it every once in a while. she's on my side and most of our friends and family are. however when it happened it was like ww3 between us and her co-workers and others. here we go...i've been playing the guitar for 22 years. i know guitar values and whatnot very well. i'm very into the guitar market. at my wife's old company she was hanging out with co-workers one day after work and she mentioned that i play guitar. a co-worker who i guess is very popular at work said that his dad passed away and he was selling his dads things. his dad had a guitar and asked my wife if i'd be interested in it. my wife texted me and i said to have him send me the info on the guitar and the price. the next day he texted me the pics and price. it was a 1952 telecaster in mint condition. he had the original receipts which was crazy! (that's how i knew the date). i asked what he wanted for it and he said he "looked up telecasters online and he thinks $4,000 is fair". i texted back, "i'll take it for $4,000" and went to pick it up. the guitar had no sentimental value to him at all. here's the issue at hand. the guitar was/is worth approximately $50,000 depending on the buyer and i knew it. when i got the guitar i told my wife the price and what it was worth. she was floored. fast forward two weeks her co-worker tells my wife he just found out what the guitar was actually worth from a family friend and wanted it back. she said, "well he really likes the guitar and he knew it was worth $50,000 which is why he was floored you offered it to him for $4,000. he really likes it and i doubt he will sell it back, but you can ask." (probably not the smartest thing for her to say, but she was caught off guard and it's not her fault or problem). he contacted me and asked to buy it back. i said that it's not for sale. he then said i scammed him and he was going to "sue me and take my wife to hr for being a part of the scam." which was nuts, but he actually did contact hr. they were cool about it and said it's not their problem. it's between him and me. over the next few months he made things very uncomfortable for my wife at work. he would bug her constantly about it. she eventually had to go to hr for harassment and they actually let him go (she complained twice and he was warned and didn't stop). he's contacted me several times about it so i got a restraining order for harassment too. i blocked him too. i haven't heard from him in about a year. aita? [/INST] nta. when you sell something it is your responsibility to know or determine what its worth not the person you are selling to. </s>
Aita for giving a woman a taste of her own behavior	i'm sitting at the airport and this older lady sat down right next to me and took her ipad out and starts watching a show quite loud. to me this is a foul in public however i just ignored it and put my earbuds in. after a while i made a phone call using my earbuds. literally 30 seconds into my call she interrupts me and asks me to quit being rude and talk quietly so she can hear her show. i was as polite as i could and said that not only herself but everyone for about 10 feet and i could hear her show word for word and that making a phone call isn't rude but watching a show on your device full volume in a public waiting area is actually very rude and that is why people use headphones. she said she has every right to enjoy her show without being interrupted by a rude and selfish phone call or having to use headphones. i said she was absolutely right and i am completely wrong, please enjoy your show while we wait for the plane and i will do the same. i then proceeded to take out my ipad and open ice cubes good cop bad cop music video and play it full volume on my device without my earbuds. i have never seen someone storm off so mad. quick edit. i turned the music video off almost immediately after she left.	26,611	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aphmhd/aita_for_giving_a_woman_a_taste_of_her_own/	2019-02-11 15:58:46	nta. i'm glad you did it. fuck her and everyone like her.	nta - please crosspost to /r/pettyrevenge :)	nta because you didn't start with trying to fight fire with fire. first you ignored her. then you asked her not to. it was only when both of these failed that you gave her a taste of her own medicine. you were as reasonable as can be expected in this situation.	nta. i think you handled the situation well. some people are really crazy.	nta, but jesus christ, i feel bad about the people caught in the crossfire! if she hadn’t have left, what was your plan? if she hadn’t left i would’ve said esh for making those other poor bastards have to listen to twice as much shit lol	ymh. yes my hero. thanks for doing that, keep doing things like it to people who deserve it. you're the passive aggressive hero we need. &#x200b;	nta. glad you stood up to that insufferable behavior. i hate when people do that.	am i the asshole for dishing some sweet epic justice to a lady and then everyone stood up and clapped?	nta. yeah, she was clearly rude. and you were a bit rude back but it wasn't out of proportion. and it worked, and the people around you were probably glad she moved along.	nta. hopefully she'll invest in some headphones now.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm sitting at the airport and this older lady sat down right next to me and took her ipad out and starts watching a show quite loud. to me this is a foul in public however i just ignored it and put my earbuds in. after a while i made a phone call using my earbuds. literally 30 seconds into my call she interrupts me and asks me to quit being rude and talk quietly so she can hear her show. i was as polite as i could and said that not only herself but everyone for about 10 feet and i could hear her show word for word and that making a phone call isn't rude but watching a show on your device full volume in a public waiting area is actually very rude and that is why people use headphones. she said she has every right to enjoy her show without being interrupted by a rude and selfish phone call or having to use headphones. i said she was absolutely right and i am completely wrong, please enjoy your show while we wait for the plane and i will do the same. i then proceeded to take out my ipad and open ice cubes good cop bad cop music video and play it full volume on my device without my earbuds. i have never seen someone storm off so mad. quick edit. i turned the music video off almost immediately after she left.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm sitting at the airport and this older lady sat down right next to me and took her ipad out and starts watching a show quite loud. to me this is a foul in public however i just ignored it and put my earbuds in. after a while i made a phone call using my earbuds. literally 30 seconds into my call she interrupts me and asks me to quit being rude and talk quietly so she can hear her show. i was as polite as i could and said that not only herself but everyone for about 10 feet and i could hear her show word for word and that making a phone call isn't rude but watching a show on your device full volume in a public waiting area is actually very rude and that is why people use headphones. she said she has every right to enjoy her show without being interrupted by a rude and selfish phone call or having to use headphones. i said she was absolutely right and i am completely wrong, please enjoy your show while we wait for the plane and i will do the same. i then proceeded to take out my ipad and open ice cubes good cop bad cop music video and play it full volume on my device without my earbuds. i have never seen someone storm off so mad. quick edit. i turned the music video off almost immediately after she left. [/INST] nta. i'm glad you did it. fuck her and everyone like her. </s>
AITA for screenshotting messages guys sent me and sending them to their mothers?	i'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. i've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. i should have reported them or just blocked them but i had, had enough so i screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who i am and how their sons have been bothering me. their mothers were horrified and shocked by what i sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think i took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how i don't know what their home life is like. am i the asshole for doing this? should i have gone about it another way? edit due to questions/comments: when it was just standard bullying i reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove i couldn't do anything. i figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this. edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? i mean i'm honestly good but thanks.	26,608	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tvv973/aita_for_screenshotting_messages_guys_sent_me_and/	2022-04-04 06:29:34	nta. the people saying you took it too far are the same ones who would defend those guys behavior as "just guys being guys". what they were doing is organized sexual harassment, and it needs to be forwarded to school administration as well. those are rapists in the larval stage.	nta. each of these guys could potentially be charged criminally; instead, you told their mothers. i applaud you for employing a method that will ensure they have some kind of punishment from their families. to be clear, it may not be any more effective overall than reporting to the police, but it's worth the shot. as for your friends who say you took it too far, i'd ask them how far they think the three guys have gone, and whether that's too far? then tell those "friends" to eff off.	this is chef's-kiss perfection nta smart as heck please ditch any friend who said this was out of line. men who don't know how to behave get either mom or the police. you chose well.	this is gold! nta. you actually chose an option that would cause them less trouble for their future. most colleges have pretty strict rules about bullying. they might have been kicked out. you picked the more effective choice without destroying their future. tbh even if you had chosen to report them to the college, you would still have not been the ah. bullying and sexual harassment should never be tolerated.	nta. they shouldn’t be sending you stuff like that without your consent in the first place! it’s disgusting that some guys think that’s okay to do!	nta. you did "report" them, just to a different kind of authority. they had no expectation or "right to privacy" of the messages they sent you. good for you.	nta. what kind of awful people put the feelings of their friends _harrassers_ over the feelings of their supposed friend?! the police probably would have done nothing. whatever app you are using probably would have done nothing. i think what you did was smart. you put them on blast, but privately, so if they retaliate in a more public way they look even more like assholes.	nta- not sure where you live but if it’s in the uk this is actually a crime now, and i imagine with its recent legalisation the local police force would be rather interested in this too. i’d go the whole hog, fuck them and their disrespect for your boundaries. this happened to me prior to the change of laws, so i issued a warning that as if anyone shared the imagine with me i’d consider it my property to do as i wish with and share it on social media. never had one again happily enough… these disrespectful sex pests need to learn to respect peoples boundaries and unfortunately from my experience they don’t seem to understand the word no.	nta. run far, far away from any "friend" who thinks you're in the wrong here. also, please look into reporting these boys to the school, jobs they have, etc. protect yourself, leave a paper trail, screenshot and record everything.	nta. boys are far too often excused from facing consequences of their actions. if they were being respectful none of this would be an issue. they weren’t. perhaps they’ll think twice before they pull a similar stunt.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. i've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. i should have reported them or just blocked them but i had, had enough so i screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who i am and how their sons have been bothering me. their mothers were horrified and shocked by what i sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think i took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how i don't know what their home life is like. am i the asshole for doing this? should i have gone about it another way? edit due to questions/comments: when it was just standard bullying i reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove i couldn't do anything. i figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this. edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? i mean i'm honestly good but thanks.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. i've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. i should have reported them or just blocked them but i had, had enough so i screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who i am and how their sons have been bothering me. their mothers were horrified and shocked by what i sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think i took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how i don't know what their home life is like. am i the asshole for doing this? should i have gone about it another way? edit due to questions/comments: when it was just standard bullying i reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove i couldn't do anything. i figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this. edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? i mean i'm honestly good but thanks. [/INST] nta. the people saying you took it too far are the same ones who would defend those guys behavior as "just guys being guys". what they were doing is organized sexual harassment, and it needs to be forwarded to school administration as well. those are rapists in the larval stage. </s>
AITA for sending my son to school in a dress	my son started second grade last week. i get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she's got a graveyard shift). he's got a twin sister. i told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. my son picked one up and said "i want to wear this." i'm thinking, whatever dude, we're running late just put some kind of clothes on and let's get out the door. i'm pretty politically neutral so while i wouldn't say i was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn't nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that i could be late for work if we didn't get out the door. i figured ok, i wouldn't ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn't ladylike so i shouldn't tell my son not to do something because it isn't manly. i drop him off and get to work. three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he's being bullied. he was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him. my wife is irate asking how i couldn't have realized that was inappropriate and i was setting our son up to fail. so is just about everyone else i've run this by. my wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he'll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he'll be known as "the one who wore a dress" and i was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because i was in a rush and our son suffered for it. at the time, i truly didn't think it was that big a deal, but that doesn't change that i put my son in harm's way so now i'm not sure whether i made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. aita	26,577	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1jjlx/aita_for_sending_my_son_to_school_in_a_dress/	2019-09-09 00:41:19	nta what a refreshing take on parenthood. it seems today so many people are set on telling women they can be anything but men still have to be men and act traditionally manly. you did what your son asked and i think that makes you a pretty great parent. good on you op!	a gentle esh i don't think there's anything wrong with a boy wearing a dress, and neither do you, which is great, but you should have realized that letting him walk into school like that was a recipe for disaster. most people do not think a guy should wear a dress, and that includes little kids, who can and will be cruel. hopefully the other kids will forget about in a month or so, but for now your son is going to face some taunting when he gets to school. obligatory	yta 100%. until he's old enough to understand the potential social ramifications and decide whether he's up for the challenge, or until kids stop bullying others over stuff that's odd to them, you decide to take your kids out of harm's way and then you do it. you inadvertently made a social/political statement at your son's expense.	yta. you didn’t have any type of discussion with your child about what could happen, you just let him because you were busy. that makes you ta.	yta, my god second grade is when kids really start to kick the bullying into gear. like yeah once he gets older you shouldn't police his clothing, but keep it normal and age appropriate for now.	yta. you're right that it shouldn't be a big deal as long as he was properly clothed in terms of health/sanitary concerns and he wasn't wearing like a swastika or something. but unfortunately we live in the real world. this was such an obvious outcome that it makes you the asshole for not at least having a discussion with your son and how you support him and his self expression, but others may be mean to him over this and feel it's inappropriate. then, if after a discussion he still wants to wear it then ok and he's ready to ignore bullies.	yta - wanting to teach your kid tolerance and open mindedness is admirable, but you did it in exactly the wrong way. you let him make a stupid decision that subjected him to humiliation that he and his classmates will not soon forget. that’s dumb. anyone on the “let boys wear dresses” train has good ideals, but it’s parents jobs to help them navigate the world they live in, not live out fantasies of a better one.	why the hell is the school not punishing the little shits who bullied your son? why should he have to change because they’re ill behaved brats? you should stand your ground on this. your son wanted to wear a dress, he was expressing himself. the bullying from the other kids will have obviously upset him, but the reaction from his parents is more important. you should be standing up for him and demanding the school address their students’ behaviour, not arguing with your wife about who’s at fault. neither of you are, but the school and those brats are. stand up for your kid now or he’ll internalise it. if he wants to wear a dress, let him wear a dress. for now i’m going to say esh, because all the adults in this situation are ignoring the real issue and those brats are nasty. i hope your son regains his confidence to be proud of who he is	nta. it frustrates me that your son was singled out as the "problem" instead of the children doing the bullying. the teacher/school/whomever was in charge could have taken a moment to reinforce the idea "if you don't have anything nice to say..." other posters make a good point that in a perfect setting you would have prepared him that sometimes people say rude things. but, overall i appreciated you realizing you should treat him and your daughter the same, and let them express themselves.	yta dude. you either a) let your son do it because of some “politically neutral” bullshit or b) because you didn’t want to be late for work. which either way makes you a shitty parent. he will be the boy who wore a dress to school for potentially years now. you didn’t specify age but i’m guessing he’s 10 or under. this isn’t a teenager saying dad i think i want to dress like a lady, this is a child making a childish decision. you as an adult should have made a better one. unfortunately you didn’t and now he will be the one who suffers for it.	NTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	0.193649	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son started second grade last week. i get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she's got a graveyard shift). he's got a twin sister. i told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. my son picked one up and said "i want to wear this." i'm thinking, whatever dude, we're running late just put some kind of clothes on and let's get out the door. i'm pretty politically neutral so while i wouldn't say i was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn't nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that i could be late for work if we didn't get out the door. i figured ok, i wouldn't ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn't ladylike so i shouldn't tell my son not to do something because it isn't manly. i drop him off and get to work. three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he's being bullied. he was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him. my wife is irate asking how i couldn't have realized that was inappropriate and i was setting our son up to fail. so is just about everyone else i've run this by. my wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he'll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he'll be known as "the one who wore a dress" and i was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because i was in a rush and our son suffered for it. at the time, i truly didn't think it was that big a deal, but that doesn't change that i put my son in harm's way so now i'm not sure whether i made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. aita	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my son started second grade last week. i get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she's got a graveyard shift). he's got a twin sister. i told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. my son picked one up and said "i want to wear this." i'm thinking, whatever dude, we're running late just put some kind of clothes on and let's get out the door. i'm pretty politically neutral so while i wouldn't say i was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn't nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that i could be late for work if we didn't get out the door. i figured ok, i wouldn't ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn't ladylike so i shouldn't tell my son not to do something because it isn't manly. i drop him off and get to work. three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he's being bullied. he was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him. my wife is irate asking how i couldn't have realized that was inappropriate and i was setting our son up to fail. so is just about everyone else i've run this by. my wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he'll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he'll be known as "the one who wore a dress" and i was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because i was in a rush and our son suffered for it. at the time, i truly didn't think it was that big a deal, but that doesn't change that i put my son in harm's way so now i'm not sure whether i made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. aita [/INST] nta what a refreshing take on parenthood. it seems today so many people are set on telling women they can be anything but men still have to be men and act traditionally manly. you did what your son asked and i think that makes you a pretty great parent. good on you op! </s>
AITA for not donating my liver due to a lawsuit and the person died?	my (24m) partner's (23f) close friend and boss (50'sm) at the mechanic shop needed a liver transplant. they had been on the list for a while and getting nowhere. lots of us got tested and i was a match. we were all happy and thrilled that this direct donation could take place. a week before the surgery date, police showed up at our house to arrest my partner as her boss (person who was getting a piece of my liver) had accused her of theft. claimed she'd stolen thousands from his bank account and stolen from the cash box. the police showed us the cctv in which she reaches into the box, takes money and walks out of frame. 15 times, 15 days, 15 accusations. the police admitted they had no proof it was theft and no clue on the amounts taken as she used the box to take customers money and change. the police also said they didn't see how she accessed the bank accounts, and that they felt this was some sort of insurance fraud and they needed a scape goat. i immediately rang the hospital and my transplant coordinator and backed out of the surgery. we got on with our lives, partner found a new job and attended the court date where the case was thrown out 6 months later. a week after the case was dismissed, we got word boss had died. no one else had been a match or willing to get tested after news got out, and they never found a match in the transplant system in time. i feel so guilty. i allowed someone to die, pretty much murdered them. i let pettiness get in the way of saving a life. partner and friends feel i did the right thing, none of this is on me and not giving a piece of me to the person possibly putting my partner in prison for a long time, a week before surgery, is my choice and the right choice. bosses friends and family have been ringing non-stop, harassing us at our jobs and posting online a lot how i'm a murderer and killed boss. that i should have given the liver anyway and been a good person. i feel i should have given it, but who bites the hand that feeds? i didn't want to get cut open, risk dying and other complications for someone who didn't care for me and mine, but now someone is dead from something i could have prevented. i'm conflicted and losing sleep over this. aita for not giving my liver to the person accusing partner of theft and them later dying?	26,573	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hysbcq/aita_for_not_donating_my_liver_due_to_a_lawsuit/	2020-07-27 13:31:57	nta. you don't owe anybody your organs. the boss did not care about your family, he didn't try to get your partner's side of the story before calling the police. report them for harassment if they keep pestering you. hypothetically, even if your partner was stealing, the boss should have let it go. a transplant is priceless.	you are nta. her boss had put your partner's life/freedom in jeopardy at the same time as you were arranging to help extend his. (now, if the accusations were founded, you would still be nta, but it would be more of a n a h scenario). if you feel bad, go donate blood. save other lives.	nta, you were literally going to save his life and he went and tried to get your partner arrested. pretty fucked up to me, looks like he did it to himself.	nta and he did this to himself. he is dead because of his own choice to go after your partner. what person in their right mind presses charges against the partner of the person donating part of their liver? how did he think that was going to end? block his friends and family. move on with your life. you did the right thing.	that is not murder, it’s karma. nta	nta. while there might be some people who could forgive what your partner's boss did, i doubt too many of them would consent to go through with an organ transplant, either. your first duty is to your partner and you owe absolutely nothing to the person who falsely accused her of various felonies and threatened her with prison. to save himself, no doubt. your partner's ex-boss and friend tried to save himself by destroying someone else. no one 'deserves' to die, but all of us make choices that contribute to how we die and why. that sad, pathetic, and selfish man died because of his actions, not yours.	nta you were willing to give a part of your liver to a person who isn't even related to you. this person repays you by sending police to your house. even if they were concerned about theft, the least they could have done was talk to you in person before they officially report it. i get why you feel guilty, but don't. you offered a really selfless thing and as a thank you they came after your family.	nta. he's not dead because of you. he's dead because of his disease first and foremost, over which you had no control whatsoever and no obligation to cure for him, and secondly because of his shitty behavior trying to frame your spouse for an insurance fraud scheme. if he hadn't have had your spouse falsey arrested he would have got his transplant. you are under no obligation to save the life of someone who would abuse you and ruine your own life in a heartbeat without a care. this horrible man kinda got what he deserved.	nta “let me risk his life to save mine and throw his wife in jail while im at it”	nta jesus. having read your comment that it was his wife stealing the money - his wife did this. if he believed the accusation that it was your partner, he should have come to you directly first. i don't think this will make you feel any better. but everything happens for a reason. his time was up. it turns out that there was nothing you could do to change this. his wife might have made his life a misery if he'd survived. now she has to sit and live with herself. i'm so sorry, op. i think you and your partner should get a harassment order against the former boss' family, maybe even a defamation suit since you owe them nothing. and maybe get joint counselling over having someone do this to you. best wishes to you.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (24m) partner's (23f) close friend and boss (50'sm) at the mechanic shop needed a liver transplant. they had been on the list for a while and getting nowhere. lots of us got tested and i was a match. we were all happy and thrilled that this direct donation could take place. a week before the surgery date, police showed up at our house to arrest my partner as her boss (person who was getting a piece of my liver) had accused her of theft. claimed she'd stolen thousands from his bank account and stolen from the cash box. the police showed us the cctv in which she reaches into the box, takes money and walks out of frame. 15 times, 15 days, 15 accusations. the police admitted they had no proof it was theft and no clue on the amounts taken as she used the box to take customers money and change. the police also said they didn't see how she accessed the bank accounts, and that they felt this was some sort of insurance fraud and they needed a scape goat. i immediately rang the hospital and my transplant coordinator and backed out of the surgery. we got on with our lives, partner found a new job and attended the court date where the case was thrown out 6 months later. a week after the case was dismissed, we got word boss had died. no one else had been a match or willing to get tested after news got out, and they never found a match in the transplant system in time. i feel so guilty. i allowed someone to die, pretty much murdered them. i let pettiness get in the way of saving a life. partner and friends feel i did the right thing, none of this is on me and not giving a piece of me to the person possibly putting my partner in prison for a long time, a week before surgery, is my choice and the right choice. bosses friends and family have been ringing non-stop, harassing us at our jobs and posting online a lot how i'm a murderer and killed boss. that i should have given the liver anyway and been a good person. i feel i should have given it, but who bites the hand that feeds? i didn't want to get cut open, risk dying and other complications for someone who didn't care for me and mine, but now someone is dead from something i could have prevented. i'm conflicted and losing sleep over this. aita for not giving my liver to the person accusing partner of theft and them later dying?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (24m) partner's (23f) close friend and boss (50'sm) at the mechanic shop needed a liver transplant. they had been on the list for a while and getting nowhere. lots of us got tested and i was a match. we were all happy and thrilled that this direct donation could take place. a week before the surgery date, police showed up at our house to arrest my partner as her boss (person who was getting a piece of my liver) had accused her of theft. claimed she'd stolen thousands from his bank account and stolen from the cash box. the police showed us the cctv in which she reaches into the box, takes money and walks out of frame. 15 times, 15 days, 15 accusations. the police admitted they had no proof it was theft and no clue on the amounts taken as she used the box to take customers money and change. the police also said they didn't see how she accessed the bank accounts, and that they felt this was some sort of insurance fraud and they needed a scape goat. i immediately rang the hospital and my transplant coordinator and backed out of the surgery. we got on with our lives, partner found a new job and attended the court date where the case was thrown out 6 months later. a week after the case was dismissed, we got word boss had died. no one else had been a match or willing to get tested after news got out, and they never found a match in the transplant system in time. i feel so guilty. i allowed someone to die, pretty much murdered them. i let pettiness get in the way of saving a life. partner and friends feel i did the right thing, none of this is on me and not giving a piece of me to the person possibly putting my partner in prison for a long time, a week before surgery, is my choice and the right choice. bosses friends and family have been ringing non-stop, harassing us at our jobs and posting online a lot how i'm a murderer and killed boss. that i should have given the liver anyway and been a good person. i feel i should have given it, but who bites the hand that feeds? i didn't want to get cut open, risk dying and other complications for someone who didn't care for me and mine, but now someone is dead from something i could have prevented. i'm conflicted and losing sleep over this. aita for not giving my liver to the person accusing partner of theft and them later dying? [/INST] nta. you don't owe anybody your organs. the boss did not care about your family, he didn't try to get your partner's side of the story before calling the police. report them for harassment if they keep pestering you. hypothetically, even if your partner was stealing, the boss should have let it go. a transplant is priceless. </s>
AITA for exposing my parents' favoritism	my parents have always favored my younger brother. i was by no means unloved. but it was blatantly obvious who they cared about more. i worked a part time job to get my first car, but my brother got one as a present. it wasn't new, but was much newer than my car. it was the same with just about anything else, like clothes, video games and cell phones. i'm 18 and am taking a gap year before community college to work a full time job and save money for tuition. but a while back i heard my parents talking about how much they were going to pay for my brother's tuition. i secretly recorded the conversation from around the corner and then came out asking my parents why they were gonna pay for my brother's college, but not mine. they didn't notice my phone was recording and just said that my brother needs more help. i asked how so when i wasn't getting any sort of scholarship, and he likely wouldn't either. then i asked a few more questions about why things have always been this way. they got mad and my father told me that perhaps it's time i moved out because they are sick of keeping a roof over my head. i pointed out i pay rent. but they didn't care. i left the room and in a fit of rage uploaded the video to two different social medias i have and ranted about how this is how my parents have always been. well a few hours my parents were pounding at my door. my dad was screaming at me about how i made them look bad. we fought some more and they left the room fuming. my grandparents contacted me later and said they were appalled, then came to visit with a lot of the family the next day. there was a huge family intervention and my parents were made to sit on the couch and look at their feet while being told off. it was then i found out they'd been receiving money for years from my grandparents to help with family expenses. my brother looked like he didn't know what to do. so he sided with the rest of the family and said he's noticed how i'm treated as well. my parents gave me a huge apology that sounded forced. my grandparents have offered that i come live with them soon and will cut off the monthly payments to my parents, my father told me i should have never told the rest of the family and now won't talk to me, and my mother has been crying for days. so i'm starting to wonder if i went to far. so aita for exposing my parents favoritism?	26,469	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qhedvt/aita_for_exposing_my_parents_favoritism/	2021-10-28 03:57:39	nta. your parents are just pissed because people know the truth about them and they’re no longer going to be receiving handouts from your grandparents. that’s what they’re really upset about: losing the free money. go live with your grandparents. they sound awesome with how quickly they backed you.	nta all the way!!! as someone who was cast aside because my parents favored my younger sibling over my brother and i, i applaud you loud and clear! go live with your grandparents if that's what you want or go stay with friends. i have a feeling you're going to be just fine and excel at whatever career you choose! you didn't "go too far." you conquered!!!	nta go live with your grandparents, save your money and get your education. you didn't cause this - they did. good luck and hugs	>now i feel like if i move in with my grandparents i may just be running away. running away from what, exactly? your parents are extracting rent from you instead of helping you with college fees. your grandparents are family too, and clearly care for you, which is more than you can say for your parents.	nta, they were given monthly payments for family expenses not their favorite child expenses. plus if they didn't do anything wrong, they wouldn't be upset about you telling the rest of the family nor would there be an intervention. favouritism is horrible and causes a lot of damage. i mean you are getting kicked for asking why your little brother was getting help and you weren't. i hope you take your grandparent's offer to move out and save money to pay tuition fees. oh, and don't feel guilty about anything. your parents made this bed and they have to lay in it not you.	nta don’t feel bad for those crocodile tears. they are not sad that they treated you poorly and favored one kid over the other, they are sad that they are being cut off from further financial help and that their shitty actions were exposed. they made their bed and now they can lay in it. go live with your grandparents, save your money and get your education. i’m glad you have family members that will care for you the way your parents should have been caring for you but chose not to.	imo nta, and hearing that your grandparents sent your parents money makes it even more so. they deserved to know that their money wasn’t being used properly and for what they intended/how they intended. you are nta because your parents are upset they have to face a consequence.	>there was a huge family intervention and my parents were made to sit on the couch and look at their feet while being told off. it was then i found out they'd been receiving money for years from my grandparents to help with family expenses. ooooooooo...that's a parents worst nightmare. total respect of authority shattered. they treated you like a burden and then you find out none of them are even remotely financially stable and are living beyond their means by doting on your younger brother. >my father told me i should have never told the rest of the family and now won't talk to me, and my mother has been crying for days petty of him, and pathetic of her, but not reason enough to make you the asshole. your parents were effectively leeching off their greater family and throwing money they didn't actually have at your brother just to coddle him. more than that they were mistreating you. they don't get to cry and complain about shattered respect or reputation when they obtained it through a false front. you're nta from my perspective. parents should not expect you to perform loyalty of silence out of some form of respect towards them when they don't respect you. a parent literally calling you a burden to your face is some seriously horrible mistreatment.	you’re 18 & you pay rent? & when you confronted them about paying for your brother’s education but not yours, they just said “ah well maybe you should move out then, we don’t want you here anymore”??? nta. i’m glad the rest of the family banded together (so quickly too!) to check your parents’ behavior. how they’re treating you is not okay. it’s disgusting. your parents are just upset because they got caught & are blaming you because they’re in denial about what they’ve done wrong. put some distance between you & your parents. take your grandparents up on their offer. depending on your relationship with your brother, i would have a serious conversation with him about all of this. he’s likely to feel some after-effects from the parents, & if your relationship with him is important, it’ll be good having laid everything out in the open so he’ll continue to have your back & avoid resenting you.	>they got mad and my father told me that perhaps it's time i moved out because they are sick of keeping a roof over my head. i pointed out i pay rent. but they didn't care. op, maybe you should have a talk with your grandparents on what happened during your birth. about why your dad is this hostile to you. is there something that happened at your birth that made him feel this way? no matter what, it's never your fault though. your parents esp dad are just sus. nta btw	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my parents have always favored my younger brother. i was by no means unloved. but it was blatantly obvious who they cared about more. i worked a part time job to get my first car, but my brother got one as a present. it wasn't new, but was much newer than my car. it was the same with just about anything else, like clothes, video games and cell phones. i'm 18 and am taking a gap year before community college to work a full time job and save money for tuition. but a while back i heard my parents talking about how much they were going to pay for my brother's tuition. i secretly recorded the conversation from around the corner and then came out asking my parents why they were gonna pay for my brother's college, but not mine. they didn't notice my phone was recording and just said that my brother needs more help. i asked how so when i wasn't getting any sort of scholarship, and he likely wouldn't either. then i asked a few more questions about why things have always been this way. they got mad and my father told me that perhaps it's time i moved out because they are sick of keeping a roof over my head. i pointed out i pay rent. but they didn't care. i left the room and in a fit of rage uploaded the video to two different social medias i have and ranted about how this is how my parents have always been. well a few hours my parents were pounding at my door. my dad was screaming at me about how i made them look bad. we fought some more and they left the room fuming. my grandparents contacted me later and said they were appalled, then came to visit with a lot of the family the next day. there was a huge family intervention and my parents were made to sit on the couch and look at their feet while being told off. it was then i found out they'd been receiving money for years from my grandparents to help with family expenses. my brother looked like he didn't know what to do. so he sided with the rest of the family and said he's noticed how i'm treated as well. my parents gave me a huge apology that sounded forced. my grandparents have offered that i come live with them soon and will cut off the monthly payments to my parents, my father told me i should have never told the rest of the family and now won't talk to me, and my mother has been crying for days. so i'm starting to wonder if i went to far. so aita for exposing my parents favoritism?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my parents have always favored my younger brother. i was by no means unloved. but it was blatantly obvious who they cared about more. i worked a part time job to get my first car, but my brother got one as a present. it wasn't new, but was much newer than my car. it was the same with just about anything else, like clothes, video games and cell phones. i'm 18 and am taking a gap year before community college to work a full time job and save money for tuition. but a while back i heard my parents talking about how much they were going to pay for my brother's tuition. i secretly recorded the conversation from around the corner and then came out asking my parents why they were gonna pay for my brother's college, but not mine. they didn't notice my phone was recording and just said that my brother needs more help. i asked how so when i wasn't getting any sort of scholarship, and he likely wouldn't either. then i asked a few more questions about why things have always been this way. they got mad and my father told me that perhaps it's time i moved out because they are sick of keeping a roof over my head. i pointed out i pay rent. but they didn't care. i left the room and in a fit of rage uploaded the video to two different social medias i have and ranted about how this is how my parents have always been. well a few hours my parents were pounding at my door. my dad was screaming at me about how i made them look bad. we fought some more and they left the room fuming. my grandparents contacted me later and said they were appalled, then came to visit with a lot of the family the next day. there was a huge family intervention and my parents were made to sit on the couch and look at their feet while being told off. it was then i found out they'd been receiving money for years from my grandparents to help with family expenses. my brother looked like he didn't know what to do. so he sided with the rest of the family and said he's noticed how i'm treated as well. my parents gave me a huge apology that sounded forced. my grandparents have offered that i come live with them soon and will cut off the monthly payments to my parents, my father told me i should have never told the rest of the family and now won't talk to me, and my mother has been crying for days. so i'm starting to wonder if i went to far. so aita for exposing my parents favoritism? [/INST] nta. your parents are just pissed because people know the truth about them and they’re no longer going to be receiving handouts from your grandparents. that’s what they’re really upset about: losing the free money. go live with your grandparents. they sound awesome with how quickly they backed you. </s>
AITAH for giving guardianship of my son to my aunt over my mother after I die of my terminal cancer	i (21m) have a son who just turned 1, his mum who was my girlfriend died in labour along with the other baby she was carrying. i was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 months ago and i don't have very long left (two months at most) i have accepted that i'm going to die but now i have to think about what's best for my son. i had to decide who my boy would go to and i thought my mother(55) naturally but then i started to think of her situation as my older(29) lives with her along with his 5 kids all aged under 5 and i decided not to as mum works and my brother tbh isn't really raising his kids, more dragging them up and can be neglectful. i wasn't going to put my son in that environment as i want someone to actually care for him. so i then thought of my aunt(33) on my dads side. she is a good mother and her husband a good father to their 3 girls and i know they could provide for my son. i asked them and they agreed. my mother however found out that i wasn't leaving my son with her and she got angry with me, that she's loosing me and now loosing her grandson. i gave her my reasons and that she realistically can't raise him while she's basically raising a man-child and his kids. it all ended in an even bigger argument and now i'm cooling off at home. i understand that things are terrible for her right now as i won't be here soon but my aunt is a much better choice. it's not like my son won't know who she is as the walk between hers and my aunts is only 5 minutes. am i the asshole?	26,429	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8ditf/aitah_for_giving_guardianship_of_my_son_to_my/	2020-06-13 19:05:42	nta you're taking a final responsibility to ensure that your child has the best chance for success. don't feel bad about it and don't let your mother talk you out of it. you're a good dad, and i'm sure your child will grow up knowing and appreciating that.	i want to first offer my condolences over this entire situation. you are a bright and kind young person and i am so sorry this is happening. short answer, no. nta. you have to think of your child, as hard and horrible as this all is. i’m unfamiliar with how child custody works once both parents have passed away, but what might offer a decent solution is if you’re able to specify that legally, your mother be able to spend time with him. this is a very delicate situation and despite it all i must say i believe you are handling it very well. i’m sending so much love and light your way. ❤️	nta, but i would talk to a lawyer to make sure that your mom can’t fight for him afterwards.	nta at all and i hope you're considering leaving something behind for your son like a box birthday cards, a letter about who him mom was, who you were, how much you loved him, and why your aunt was the best guardian for him. i'm so sorry.	nta. your choice is about what’s best for your child. not what’s best for his grandmother who is currently over extended as it is.	as someone who lost a parent young, please make videos and write letters for your child- particularly for them to open during big moments in life. also, include some stories about their mom.	nta obviously but i was reading something about things you're leaving him like money and so on. let me say you sound like an amazing dad and it really touches my heart because my own father isn't that great, and it feels so weird reading about loving parents when i've never experienced such things. but enough about myself the money and the pictures are great but money fades, years later when he's older having a letter from you will mean a lot to him, cuz it's your words and i think it'll feel like you're still there for him, envisioning your voice, it'll mean a lot to him, a audio recording may also do him well. best of luck	nta you are looking out for your son's best interest after you are no longer around.	nta, if you haven't already gotten a lawyer to ensure that your aunt will become your child's legal guardian once you pass, you should do that, i have no idea how custody works where you live but it seems like the best way to make sure your child is somewhere safe, loved, and taken care of. i am so sorry for your loss, and your situation, i cant imagine how you are dealing with everything. kudos to you for being able to take care of your son and the plans for after while going through this.	nta- first of all i’m extremely heartbroken over your situation. i really hope you are at peace. as for your son, you’re making a good decision about who will give him him the best care in life. i understand why your mom is upset but she’s not to be blamed because she’s also experiencing trauma so she’s probably not comprehending from your perspective. i really hope you guys make peace with your decision and hopefully your mom will come to realize that it was the best choice for your son. i hope you find peace and comfort and i’m hoping your son also gets the best in life and grows up with love and compassion.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (21m) have a son who just turned 1, his mum who was my girlfriend died in labour along with the other baby she was carrying. i was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 months ago and i don't have very long left (two months at most) i have accepted that i'm going to die but now i have to think about what's best for my son. i had to decide who my boy would go to and i thought my mother(55) naturally but then i started to think of her situation as my older(29) lives with her along with his 5 kids all aged under 5 and i decided not to as mum works and my brother tbh isn't really raising his kids, more dragging them up and can be neglectful. i wasn't going to put my son in that environment as i want someone to actually care for him. so i then thought of my aunt(33) on my dads side. she is a good mother and her husband a good father to their 3 girls and i know they could provide for my son. i asked them and they agreed. my mother however found out that i wasn't leaving my son with her and she got angry with me, that she's loosing me and now loosing her grandson. i gave her my reasons and that she realistically can't raise him while she's basically raising a man-child and his kids. it all ended in an even bigger argument and now i'm cooling off at home. i understand that things are terrible for her right now as i won't be here soon but my aunt is a much better choice. it's not like my son won't know who she is as the walk between hers and my aunts is only 5 minutes. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (21m) have a son who just turned 1, his mum who was my girlfriend died in labour along with the other baby she was carrying. i was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 months ago and i don't have very long left (two months at most) i have accepted that i'm going to die but now i have to think about what's best for my son. i had to decide who my boy would go to and i thought my mother(55) naturally but then i started to think of her situation as my older(29) lives with her along with his 5 kids all aged under 5 and i decided not to as mum works and my brother tbh isn't really raising his kids, more dragging them up and can be neglectful. i wasn't going to put my son in that environment as i want someone to actually care for him. so i then thought of my aunt(33) on my dads side. she is a good mother and her husband a good father to their 3 girls and i know they could provide for my son. i asked them and they agreed. my mother however found out that i wasn't leaving my son with her and she got angry with me, that she's loosing me and now loosing her grandson. i gave her my reasons and that she realistically can't raise him while she's basically raising a man-child and his kids. it all ended in an even bigger argument and now i'm cooling off at home. i understand that things are terrible for her right now as i won't be here soon but my aunt is a much better choice. it's not like my son won't know who she is as the walk between hers and my aunts is only 5 minutes. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta you're taking a final responsibility to ensure that your child has the best chance for success. don't feel bad about it and don't let your mother talk you out of it. you're a good dad, and i'm sure your child will grow up knowing and appreciating that. </s>

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