submission_title
stringlengths 15
304
| submission_text
stringlengths 0
3.4k
| submission_score
int64 145
70.8k
| submission_url
stringlengths 70
106
| submission_date
stringlengths 19
19
| top_comment_1
stringlengths 3
810
| top_comment_2
stringlengths 0
5.07k
⌀ | top_comment_3
stringlengths 0
7.01k
⌀ | top_comment_4
stringlengths 0
8.67k
⌀ | top_comment_5
stringlengths 0
7.33k
⌀ | top_comment_6
stringlengths 0
6.82k
⌀ | top_comment_7
stringlengths 0
4.75k
⌀ | top_comment_8
stringlengths 0
9.25k
⌀ | top_comment_9
stringlengths 0
9.74k
⌀ | top_comment_10
stringlengths 0
8.27k
⌀ | top_comment_1_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_2_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_3_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_4_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_5_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_6_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_7_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_8_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_9_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_10_classification
stringclasses 5
values | ambiguity_score
float64 0
1
| flanT5_instruction
stringlengths 475
3.86k
| llama2_instruction
stringlengths 517
4.34k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
AITA? My parents took most of my wardrobe away as punishment and I said I didn't want the clothes back because it's obvious they're not actually mine.
|
i got in trouble at school this fall, i'm a junior in high school.
(edit to add what i got in trouble for since a couple people asked... i smoked weed with a guy in the woods after school once and got caught. i also made out with him a couple times and my parents found out about that too)
as punishment my parents took away a lot of my things; all my clothes except 3 pairs of plain jeans and 3 plain black shirts and my coat. and all my makeup and hair stuff, purses and shoes; saying i had to earn things back with good behavior, i don't get to engage in my hobby (fashion) till i've earned it.
anyway it was a shitty couple months but i came to a couple realizations.
it was actually kind of nice to not have to think about what to wear and how i look. my friends knew what my parents had done and didn't judge me. i also told anyone who asked why i looked like i only had one outfit what was up and it was no big deal.
i know it was supposed to be a demeaning humiliating punishment to make me look bad at school but honestly it just makes them look bad when people at school know i'm only allowed to wear one thing.
i don't want to have things that are just something someone else can hold over my head. i don't want the old clothes and makeup back, if i'm gonna get back into that stuff i'll do it on my own terms; i'll buy my own stuff.
so i told my parents that i don't care if they keep the clothes and makeup; they've made it clear that stuff doesn't belong to me. and it's gross to me to spend every day wearing clothes that aren't mine, that can be given and taken as punishment. i'd feel gross and i'd rather not wear them again.
so now my parents are mad because they've got a lot of clothes boxed up in the attic that the family spent money on and that are going to waste. nobody else can wear them; my mom isn't my size and my only sibling is my little brother.
i said i don't care, i want clothes that are my own and those aren't it.
aita for not taking the clothes back and letting them go to waste?
| 26,419 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g5hta8/aita_my_parents_took_most_of_my_wardrobe_away_as/
|
2020-04-21 15:56:36
|
nta and i find it hilarious how spectacularly that punishment backfired.
|
nta
they're more upset about the fact that you took their power and leverage away and less about the money aspect, they just can't admit that to you!
it would be an admission that you won the round and they lost.
|
definitely nta and i'm actually really impressed by how mature you are about it. sounds like you're surrounded by good friends, too. you've probably also really gobsmacked your parents because the punishment backfired so spectactularly. i imagine they're trying to figure out if they will ever be able to successfully punish you again, lol.
|
nta and i seriously doubt your parents parenting skills. trying to publically humiliate your kid is a big red flag for a parenting strategy imo.
|
nta
parents:"we're taking your clothes and makeup to exert control over you and punish you!"
you: \*gains new levels of self confidence and independence\*
parents: you weren't supposed to do that.
|
nta. choosing a punishment specifically meant to publicly humiliate your child is unreasonable of them and good on you for being able to take something out of this mess. i'm sorry they did this. they tried to teach you a lesson in a ridiculous and unhelpful way and you let them know exactly what you actually learned from it.
|
nta. also, be careful. they may try something with anything that you *do* buy for yourself, just to prove some sort of "point".
|
nta. keep rocking the black t and jeans like a badass.
|
nta i hate these types of punishments they’re stupid. my mom cut my long, beautiful hair when i got in trouble in high school and i was traumatized at first but i ended up liking the short hair so much that i kept it. then she was mad because i kept cutting it shorter and shorter until i shaved it all completely off the day before her second wedding. she threw a fit and told me i couldn’t be in her wedding anymore. my saint of a stepdad talked her out of it and now they have all their wedding pictures with me next to them bald lol my stepdad loved it and made it into a big picture and hanged it in the living room and my mom still hates it. it was petty but i was 15 lol
|
[deleted]
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i got in trouble at school this fall, i'm a junior in high school. (edit to add what i got in trouble for since a couple people asked... i smoked weed with a guy in the woods after school once and got caught. i also made out with him a couple times and my parents found out about that too) as punishment my parents took away a lot of my things; all my clothes except 3 pairs of plain jeans and 3 plain black shirts and my coat. and all my makeup and hair stuff, purses and shoes; saying i had to earn things back with good behavior, i don't get to engage in my hobby (fashion) till i've earned it. anyway it was a shitty couple months but i came to a couple realizations. it was actually kind of nice to not have to think about what to wear and how i look. my friends knew what my parents had done and didn't judge me. i also told anyone who asked why i looked like i only had one outfit what was up and it was no big deal. i know it was supposed to be a demeaning humiliating punishment to make me look bad at school but honestly it just makes them look bad when people at school know i'm only allowed to wear one thing. i don't want to have things that are just something someone else can hold over my head. i don't want the old clothes and makeup back, if i'm gonna get back into that stuff i'll do it on my own terms; i'll buy my own stuff. so i told my parents that i don't care if they keep the clothes and makeup; they've made it clear that stuff doesn't belong to me. and it's gross to me to spend every day wearing clothes that aren't mine, that can be given and taken as punishment. i'd feel gross and i'd rather not wear them again. so now my parents are mad because they've got a lot of clothes boxed up in the attic that the family spent money on and that are going to waste. nobody else can wear them; my mom isn't my size and my only sibling is my little brother. i said i don't care, i want clothes that are my own and those aren't it. aita for not taking the clothes back and letting them go to waste?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i got in trouble at school this fall, i'm a junior in high school. (edit to add what i got in trouble for since a couple people asked... i smoked weed with a guy in the woods after school once and got caught. i also made out with him a couple times and my parents found out about that too) as punishment my parents took away a lot of my things; all my clothes except 3 pairs of plain jeans and 3 plain black shirts and my coat. and all my makeup and hair stuff, purses and shoes; saying i had to earn things back with good behavior, i don't get to engage in my hobby (fashion) till i've earned it. anyway it was a shitty couple months but i came to a couple realizations. it was actually kind of nice to not have to think about what to wear and how i look. my friends knew what my parents had done and didn't judge me. i also told anyone who asked why i looked like i only had one outfit what was up and it was no big deal. i know it was supposed to be a demeaning humiliating punishment to make me look bad at school but honestly it just makes them look bad when people at school know i'm only allowed to wear one thing. i don't want to have things that are just something someone else can hold over my head. i don't want the old clothes and makeup back, if i'm gonna get back into that stuff i'll do it on my own terms; i'll buy my own stuff. so i told my parents that i don't care if they keep the clothes and makeup; they've made it clear that stuff doesn't belong to me. and it's gross to me to spend every day wearing clothes that aren't mine, that can be given and taken as punishment. i'd feel gross and i'd rather not wear them again. so now my parents are mad because they've got a lot of clothes boxed up in the attic that the family spent money on and that are going to waste. nobody else can wear them; my mom isn't my size and my only sibling is my little brother. i said i don't care, i want clothes that are my own and those aren't it. aita for not taking the clothes back and letting them go to waste? [/INST] nta and i find it hilarious how spectacularly that punishment backfired. </s>
|
AITA for asking if my cousin made her first million yet?
|
hello friends, i'm from the future. throwaway, yada yada.
well, technically we're a few hours away from 2021. so advanced happy new year.
i'm currently outside on our terrace while my family is gathered in the livingroom after having asked me to step outside for a bit, because apparently i've ruined the mood. i'm turning to you guys to ask if i'm the asshole for what i just did.
family from all over the city has gathered to celebrate the new years. covid is thankfully low in my city and we've taken the necessary precautions.
as is typical of asian family reunions, the old people in the family love to 'check up' on their nieces and nephews. one of my aunt's a, loves to show off her kids' achievements, particularly her daughter pat.
while listing off her daughter's achievements (passing the bar, recently getting married to a fellow lawyer), my aunt turned to me and asked what i've achieved in 2020.
she began to list off all my lack of achievements, like how i'm thirty and still unmarred (i'm a dude, if that matters), about how i'm still living at home with my parents and how i'm still driving my shitty 2000-something civic. my other cousins joined in on the jeering and listed all the other failed aspects of my life.
now, i graduated with a degree in architecture, but after multiple attempts just can't seem to pass the exam. this has been a point of contention in the family because my other cousins are lawyers, teachers, etc, whatever. these days i basically work freelance from home.
i don't know why, but my aunt's condescending voice got to me and i said "i made my first million this year. has pat made her first million yet?" then turning to my cousins i asked the same, "you guys made your first million yet? because i have."
the room fell silent. i basically killed the mood. my dad asked me to go outside and relax because apparently i might have just ruined everyone's new year celebration.
was i an asshole?
p.s. first million in our local currency not usd.
| 26,406 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/knpbi5/aita_for_asking_if_my_cousin_made_her_first/
|
2020-12-31 12:40:26
|
nta
why does everyone get to dump on you without you defending yourself? that should have ruined the night for your parents, them dumping on you like this
|
nta. if they don’t want to hear comparisons and criticisms from you, then they shouldn’t make comparisons and criticisms against you.
|
nta everyone seemed to just take it as a chance to attack you about stuff you haven't achieved, but when you question them about making their first million they get mad.
ps keep going you'll get that exam!
|
nta - can’t argue with the numbers. that’s awesome. your aunt is a jerk and your fam is maintaining this bs value-centered shaming status quo and got mad you upset that balance. do you!
|
aunt: *asks for your achievement and mocks you*
you: i made my first million.
aunt: *surprised pikachu face*
nta.
|
nta i feel like you went less nuclear with your comment than in some of the other posts on here. it comes off a little sweaty and insecure but you could have said worse stuff and frankly they ought to also be saying something to your aunt about being mean.
|
info: did you really make a million? or were you just being defensive?
|
nta. i think the only way you could have handled it differently is by saying "i did achieve making 1 million this year so that's a good achievement." and not ask them if they made their first million yet. but that's really nitpicking and i'm not even sure if that would have helped the situation at all. but not the asshole at all.
|
info did pat get involved with making fun of you?
|
if you asked only people of your own culture if you were ta, what would they say? i ask because it is my impression that the "young people" are supposed to "shut up and take it" when the "elders" speak in many asian cultures.
i don't know the answer, and i don't think it's right, but if it's a cultural thing for you, then maybe you are?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello friends, i'm from the future. throwaway, yada yada. well, technically we're a few hours away from 2021. so advanced happy new year. i'm currently outside on our terrace while my family is gathered in the livingroom after having asked me to step outside for a bit, because apparently i've ruined the mood. i'm turning to you guys to ask if i'm the asshole for what i just did. family from all over the city has gathered to celebrate the new years. covid is thankfully low in my city and we've taken the necessary precautions. as is typical of asian family reunions, the old people in the family love to 'check up' on their nieces and nephews. one of my aunt's a, loves to show off her kids' achievements, particularly her daughter pat. while listing off her daughter's achievements (passing the bar, recently getting married to a fellow lawyer), my aunt turned to me and asked what i've achieved in 2020. she began to list off all my lack of achievements, like how i'm thirty and still unmarred (i'm a dude, if that matters), about how i'm still living at home with my parents and how i'm still driving my shitty 2000-something civic. my other cousins joined in on the jeering and listed all the other failed aspects of my life. now, i graduated with a degree in architecture, but after multiple attempts just can't seem to pass the exam. this has been a point of contention in the family because my other cousins are lawyers, teachers, etc, whatever. these days i basically work freelance from home. i don't know why, but my aunt's condescending voice got to me and i said "i made my first million this year. has pat made her first million yet?" then turning to my cousins i asked the same, "you guys made your first million yet? because i have." the room fell silent. i basically killed the mood. my dad asked me to go outside and relax because apparently i might have just ruined everyone's new year celebration. was i an asshole? p.s. first million in our local currency not usd.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello friends, i'm from the future. throwaway, yada yada. well, technically we're a few hours away from 2021. so advanced happy new year. i'm currently outside on our terrace while my family is gathered in the livingroom after having asked me to step outside for a bit, because apparently i've ruined the mood. i'm turning to you guys to ask if i'm the asshole for what i just did. family from all over the city has gathered to celebrate the new years. covid is thankfully low in my city and we've taken the necessary precautions. as is typical of asian family reunions, the old people in the family love to 'check up' on their nieces and nephews. one of my aunt's a, loves to show off her kids' achievements, particularly her daughter pat. while listing off her daughter's achievements (passing the bar, recently getting married to a fellow lawyer), my aunt turned to me and asked what i've achieved in 2020. she began to list off all my lack of achievements, like how i'm thirty and still unmarred (i'm a dude, if that matters), about how i'm still living at home with my parents and how i'm still driving my shitty 2000-something civic. my other cousins joined in on the jeering and listed all the other failed aspects of my life. now, i graduated with a degree in architecture, but after multiple attempts just can't seem to pass the exam. this has been a point of contention in the family because my other cousins are lawyers, teachers, etc, whatever. these days i basically work freelance from home. i don't know why, but my aunt's condescending voice got to me and i said "i made my first million this year. has pat made her first million yet?" then turning to my cousins i asked the same, "you guys made your first million yet? because i have." the room fell silent. i basically killed the mood. my dad asked me to go outside and relax because apparently i might have just ruined everyone's new year celebration. was i an asshole? p.s. first million in our local currency not usd. [/INST] nta why does everyone get to dump on you without you defending yourself? that should have ruined the night for your parents, them dumping on you like this </s>
|
AITA for not punishing my daughter after she refused to watch her cousin and something bad happened?
|
my sister has a 1 1/2 year old son. ever since he was born, she’s tried to get my 14 year old daughter to babysit as she wants them to be close even though they’re so far apart in age. my daughter has declined as she doesn’t want the responsibility of someone else’s kid, especially if something were to go wrong. my sister doesn’t get it despite multiple people (myself and my daughter included) telling her.
yesterday we were at our parents’ house for a bbq. it was mostly adults with a few children varying in ages but my nephew was the youngest. all throughout the bbq, my sister kept trying to get my daughter to hold him or feed him, which my daughter declined. at one point, i went in the house to help my aunt and mom with drinks and sides. 15 minutes later, i hear my sister shrieking. i rush outside and she’s holding her baby, who’s face is bleeding. her husband is nearby, trying to take the baby to administer first aid. my sister is shrieking at my daughter to “put her damn phone down” and “you’re in a lot of trouble”. my daughter looks terrified.
finally, bil takes the baby and goes to tend to him. i get both sides. my sister went inside to pee, asking my daughter to watch her son. my daughter said no, ask your husband. my sister says she told her to just help out and it won’t kill you. my daughter flat out told her no and my sister left knowing daughter was looking at her phone. the yard was filled with adults, all of whom day they were keeping an eye on the little one but at some point they lost track. my parents have concrete steps leading to their backyard. somehow, nephew tried to walk up them, tripped and scratched his face. he was fine in the end, just a few scrapes.
my sister kept demanding i take my daughter’s phone and asked what i’d do to punish her. i said nothing because she said she wasn’t watching her cousin and there were half a dozen adults who should’ve been watching him, specifically his father. bil even admits that it’s on him and he screwed up but my sister kept blaming my daughter. we left right then and i told my daughter several times in front of the family and alone that it’s not her fault.
my sister is still mad at me and my mom says i should have daughter apologize. i said no, she did nothing wrong. my mom says that it wouldn’t have killed my daughter to watch him for 2 seconds. am i being an ass?
| 26,392 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nq77di/aita_for_not_punishing_my_daughter_after_she/
|
2021-06-01 23:04:22
|
nta the child’s father was right there!! he can look after the child, your daughter said no, your sister chose to ignore her, it’s your sisters fault.
|
nta. and good for you for standing up for your daughter. really happy that your nephew is okay, it really sounds like sil was trying to force your daughter into doing something she was uncomfortable with.
daughter had already repeatedly said no. one of her reasons being "what if something bad happens?" and guess what, she was proved right. no, it would not have killed her to keep an eye out, but it was also not her responsibility.
|
nta
your daughter has been very clear that she doesn't want to babysit. i think it's awesome that you're backing her up and advocating for her. your sister is a huge asshole for not taking no for an answer.
|
nta but your family is. your sister is trying to score free child care under the guise of the cousins being close. would it have “killed” your mom to help out. hope your daughter realizes not all adults are like her aunt and grandma.
|
nta
as the kid who was forced to step up and watch all the other damn kids my whole life, your daughter explicitly stated she was not taking over supervision. your sister is an asshole to continue pushing it and further an asshole to reject her husband's responsibility here.
|
dude i'm in my 30s and i'm not even comfortable watching kids. a 14 year old not wanting that responsibility is perfectly reasonable.
your sister is trying to impose her will on people. nta.
|
nta. there were adults all around, including the child's father. your daughter was really clear, repeatedly, that she didn't want to watch the baby-- both on thia occasion and in the past. your daughter is still a child, so why should she be held more accountable here than all the *adults* (again, including the child's father) who were also present when the baby tried to climb the stairs. your sister has it all wrong if she thinks forcing her baby onto your daughter will make them closer. what she is doing is only going to create resentment and drive your daughter away from her aunt, and possibly her cousin, too. i mean, i'm a parent and i get that not all people like or want to deal with kids-- your daughter might just be one of those people. your sister needs to let this one go and get over herself
|
y’all are acting like the daughter was asked to put her life on hold indefinitely until said toddler is fully grown.
there is a huge difference between babysitting and watching a child for a moment. the fact that your sister badgers your daughter to babysit doesn’t have any grounds in this situation. that is a seperate subject.
even though your daughter said no, she was still the only one who knew your sister had gone to the bathroom and chose to ignore that fact instead of at least letting your bil or any other adult know the tot was unsupervised. i mean she didn’t even have to touch or interact with the tot, just the bare minimum of sporadically checking he’s not necking himself.
while the fact of the matter is she is in her right to say no, there were many other ways to deal with this than your daughter did.
you’re choice not to punish her is completely valid, but i’d be questioning what kind of daughter i’m raising after an incident like this.
you’re nta, but your daughter is questionable.
|
nta and neither is your daughter. it was not her responsibility and she said no.
it was the parents' responsibility to watch their own kid. the sister had the kid and rather than pass it off to the father, essentially left it unattended (your daughter said no.) this is entirely your sisters own fault and she should be held accountable. it wouldn't have killed her to be responsible for her own damn kid.
your daughter did absolutely nothing wrong and she should not he punished. she deserves to he able to say no.
what you do need to do is shut your sister down hard. even leading up to this, your daughter, a child, is facing constant pressure and harassment from your sister. it's not easy for children to say no to adults who appear to have authority. you should have told your sister off in no uncertain terms long before it got to this point. if you get any ah points at all, it's only for not putting a stop to your sister's nonsense affecting your daughter. you are standing by and letting your daughter be bullied.
|
this is going to be unpopular but esh. this subreddit loves to promote the idea that we have no responsibility to other people and only act for ourselves. well unfortunately, only acting for yourself makes you an asshole.
it takes a village to raise a family. your sister needed to go to the toilet. she asked your daughter to prevent harm to her child for what...5 minutes? it isn't an onerous request. your daughter declined. that makes her an asshole.
people will say "your sister chose to have a child, not your daughter". yes, true. but if we care for people, we support their choices and help them when they need it. if you can't spare 5 minutes from looking at your phone to prevent harm to a child, then you're an asshole.
your sister is an asshole for trying to force a relationship on someone who doesn't want one. your daughter is an asshole for being disinterested and rude. bil sounds ok (
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister has a 1 1/2 year old son. ever since he was born, she’s tried to get my 14 year old daughter to babysit as she wants them to be close even though they’re so far apart in age. my daughter has declined as she doesn’t want the responsibility of someone else’s kid, especially if something were to go wrong. my sister doesn’t get it despite multiple people (myself and my daughter included) telling her. yesterday we were at our parents’ house for a bbq. it was mostly adults with a few children varying in ages but my nephew was the youngest. all throughout the bbq, my sister kept trying to get my daughter to hold him or feed him, which my daughter declined. at one point, i went in the house to help my aunt and mom with drinks and sides. 15 minutes later, i hear my sister shrieking. i rush outside and she’s holding her baby, who’s face is bleeding. her husband is nearby, trying to take the baby to administer first aid. my sister is shrieking at my daughter to “put her damn phone down” and “you’re in a lot of trouble”. my daughter looks terrified. finally, bil takes the baby and goes to tend to him. i get both sides. my sister went inside to pee, asking my daughter to watch her son. my daughter said no, ask your husband. my sister says she told her to just help out and it won’t kill you. my daughter flat out told her no and my sister left knowing daughter was looking at her phone. the yard was filled with adults, all of whom day they were keeping an eye on the little one but at some point they lost track. my parents have concrete steps leading to their backyard. somehow, nephew tried to walk up them, tripped and scratched his face. he was fine in the end, just a few scrapes. my sister kept demanding i take my daughter’s phone and asked what i’d do to punish her. i said nothing because she said she wasn’t watching her cousin and there were half a dozen adults who should’ve been watching him, specifically his father. bil even admits that it’s on him and he screwed up but my sister kept blaming my daughter. we left right then and i told my daughter several times in front of the family and alone that it’s not her fault. my sister is still mad at me and my mom says i should have daughter apologize. i said no, she did nothing wrong. my mom says that it wouldn’t have killed my daughter to watch him for 2 seconds. am i being an ass?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister has a 1 1/2 year old son. ever since he was born, she’s tried to get my 14 year old daughter to babysit as she wants them to be close even though they’re so far apart in age. my daughter has declined as she doesn’t want the responsibility of someone else’s kid, especially if something were to go wrong. my sister doesn’t get it despite multiple people (myself and my daughter included) telling her. yesterday we were at our parents’ house for a bbq. it was mostly adults with a few children varying in ages but my nephew was the youngest. all throughout the bbq, my sister kept trying to get my daughter to hold him or feed him, which my daughter declined. at one point, i went in the house to help my aunt and mom with drinks and sides. 15 minutes later, i hear my sister shrieking. i rush outside and she’s holding her baby, who’s face is bleeding. her husband is nearby, trying to take the baby to administer first aid. my sister is shrieking at my daughter to “put her damn phone down” and “you’re in a lot of trouble”. my daughter looks terrified. finally, bil takes the baby and goes to tend to him. i get both sides. my sister went inside to pee, asking my daughter to watch her son. my daughter said no, ask your husband. my sister says she told her to just help out and it won’t kill you. my daughter flat out told her no and my sister left knowing daughter was looking at her phone. the yard was filled with adults, all of whom day they were keeping an eye on the little one but at some point they lost track. my parents have concrete steps leading to their backyard. somehow, nephew tried to walk up them, tripped and scratched his face. he was fine in the end, just a few scrapes. my sister kept demanding i take my daughter’s phone and asked what i’d do to punish her. i said nothing because she said she wasn’t watching her cousin and there were half a dozen adults who should’ve been watching him, specifically his father. bil even admits that it’s on him and he screwed up but my sister kept blaming my daughter. we left right then and i told my daughter several times in front of the family and alone that it’s not her fault. my sister is still mad at me and my mom says i should have daughter apologize. i said no, she did nothing wrong. my mom says that it wouldn’t have killed my daughter to watch him for 2 seconds. am i being an ass? [/INST] nta the child’s father was right there!! he can look after the child, your daughter said no, your sister chose to ignore her, it’s your sisters fault. </s>
|
WIBTA if I change my wifi password, making it impossible for a kid to not be able to attend her classes?
| 26,380 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jsx9kl/wibta_if_i_change_my_wifi_password_making_it/
|
2020-11-12 16:07:18
|
nta
how about letting shanaya over during the day for class and manually putting in and erasing the password for her? if she doesn’t know then she can’t tell
|
nta - don’t tell her the password and just put it in for her. or set it to something not easily rememberable. that way she can’t be forced to tell them it since she doesn’t know it. you’re being kind for helping her when it’s her parents responsibility to provide schooling for her even in these hard times. it’s not fair that they abuse your kindness and hurt your daughters schooling. especially since it also harms you and their own daughter.
|
compromise solution: change the password. have shanaya come to your home with her laptop. connect her laptop to your wifi without letting her know what the password is. then let her take the computer back home.
she should be able to connect to your network no problem, and it would be pretty much impossible for her parents to extract your password info from her.
|
[deleted]
|
ywnbta
you are free to use the internet the you pay for however you see fit. if your neighbors are taking advantage of you trying to help a child out, preventing you from using the internet, that’s on them, not you.
however, what i would do is change the password, then log in yourself on the neighbor girl’s computer, using the new password. no one else will know it, because you entered it yourself.
you’ll still be able to help this girl, like you want to, and she won’t be forced to give your password by her ah parents.
or, just change the password outright, and be done with it. again, her ah parents and your ah neighbors are in the wrong here, not you
|
[deleted]
|
nta- there’s tons of programs right now for students to access free wifi for learning. cut the cord.
|
this is not a question of being an asshole, it is a question of doing what you need to do. you indicate that you are not in a position to pay for a service for more devices and you must first ensure that your child can do her school work.
bear in mind, that if the neighbor's daughter is routinely unable to attend virtual school that should start a chain of events through the district that will likely result in free internet for her household.
|
nta. you did a really kind thing for someone in need and they took advantage of your kindness.
but, if you're a little computer savvy, you should be able set your connection to only allow selected devices to connect (shanaya's computer and the devices in your household).
|
nta - you seem like a nice person.
first of all; it's critical you stop letting other people use your internet connection without strict controls. imagine the worst case scenario: shanaya gives the password to a relative that uses it to plan a terrorist attack or buy drugs on the darkweb or download illegal pornography. that network traffic comes from your home, the fbi / dhs / dea / atf etc. busts down your door, shoots your dog or worse, takes all your computers and you end up in an insane legal battle to try to prove your innocence.
so at a minimum this has to stop. if you want to continue giving just shanaya access then there's better ways to accomplish that:
low tech solution: change the password; enter it for shanaya as needed but don't actually tell her what it is.
pros: easy. cons: not that hard to figure out what the password is, and does nothing to stop shanaya from using it for non-school activities.
medium tech solution: change the password. then create a list of the mac addresses of any whitelisted devices on your router and block access to all but the whitelisted devices. add all of your household's devices and shanaya's computer.
pros: better network security overall. cons: a bit tedious to identify every device in your home that needs wifi access (every phone, printer, smart device, computer, tv, etc). also doesn't stop shanaya from using your network on her device after school hours.
highest tech solution: change the password. then make a totally new guest network. figure out a way to create a whitelist that only lets shanaya's computer on the guest network and has a separate password and lets you set time limits for access. block all domains that aren't whitelisted (those needed for her schoolwork). these features may or may not be available on your specific router so you might need a new router. there might be ways to add this functionality to a router that doesn't have that baked in but that's beyond me.
pros: shanaya doesn't get access to your other devices, as they won't be on the guest network. shanaya can share the password, but it only works for her computer even if she does. she can only go to websites that you approve. finally you can set it to work only during school hours. cons: complex to setup, might need new networking equipment, could be difficult to manage the network moving forward if you don't know what you are doing.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta how about letting shanaya over during the day for class and manually putting in and erasing the password for her? if she doesn’t know then she can’t tell </s>
|
|
AITA for telling my parents they were bad parents to me?
|
i (19m) have an autistic brother (20m). he’s fairly manipulative because he realized pretty quickly that the threat of a meltdown would get him his way every single time. he is considered high functioning by medical personnel, but he’s got my parents convinced he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and they don’t ever punish him. doctors have told them that he understands and that he knows what he’s doing. they think they know better. they also expect me to revolve my entire life around him. i was never able to do anything i wanted because it upset his routine. i wanted to play a sport, nope his routine. i wanted to get a job? nope, his routine. friends? yeah forget about that. i tried not to be resentful, but i am.
the problem: my parents are flipping out because i plan to move several states away and in with my grandparents soon to attend school. they keep trying to guilt me into staying because of my brother. i usually just say that i’m sorry that they feel that way, but i’m still going. well here’s where i might be the asshole. my mother was going on and on about how the world doesn’t revolve around me and how i was being really selfish and how i was going to ruin my brother by doing this. how they’d always been the best parents they could be to both of us and we both got equal attention.
i got frustrated and told her that she was delusional if she thought she or my father were ever good parents to me. they made my life revolve around my brothers, i had nothing of my own, he had to be the center of everything. i said he wasn’t the center of the universe even though she tried to make him it. i told her that the only people who were selfish were her and my father because they actively ignored me in favor of babying my brother who played them like a fiddle to make sure he always got his way. i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him?
she started crying and i walked off and shut myself in my room. my father is demanding an apology for what i said, but i’m refusing. my grandpa said he’s proud that i stood up for myself, but my parents are still demanding an apology for being an asshole. i don’t think i need to give them one. aita here?
| 26,376 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kqg77y/aita_for_telling_my_parents_they_were_bad_parents/
|
2021-01-04 19:45:20
|
nta. high 5, virtual applause and standing ovation. i was literally fist pumping reading what you told your mom. good for you.
there is nothing to apologize for. you told her the truth.
**edit** wow! i didn't expect my comment to blow up like this. thanks everyone for the upvotes and rewards. i am just a redditor who really felt for op's situation.
|
nta. your parents abused you. they had this coming.
i hope you find a better life and better family out there.
|
nta, any chance you can move now?
|
**nta**
neither your mom nor your dad wanted to hear the truth. they know you are right and want you to apologize for their abuse of you. as you said, they never wanted to listen to anyone who told them other than what they wanted to hear; and that includes you granddad.
do not back down. if either brings up the idea of apology again, ask them when they are going to apologize to you for depriving you of a having a life of your own. do exactly what you did here -- detail the myriad ways they have consistently ignored you to make your manipulative brother happy.
move to be with your grandparents as soon as you can and when possible, start some counseling/therapy to put dysfunction behind you.
|
> i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him?
<looks left>
<looks right>
yep - that about sums it up - well done! nta
|
nta, have an excellent time in college!
|
nta. your parents made the universe revolve around your brother and now they want you to play into a silly fantasy where they didn’t do that.
think about it this way, you have demonstrated that your parents are easily manipulated, selfish, and foolish. would you really trust their judgment on whether they are owed an apology?
|
nta, my twin sister is severely autistic (sounds more severe than your brother) but it’s largely the same - she plays them like a fiddle, the whole world stops if she even vaguely suggests doing something. example, we went for a weekend away and didn’t do even one of the activities i proposed, just sat on the beach in the rain because she’d said she wanted to go swimming, when i walked away to do my own thing, i was the ah for not wanting to spend time with the family. my mum would continually tell me i should get a job from 16-18, but then not let me because i needed to be around after school or at the weekends to be around if my sister needed. it was so frustrating, and you’re nta for that frustration coming out.
when i moved cities for university, my relationship with my parents improved so much. i stopped being a third parent to my sister and just became another adult, who actually got to be her sister. removing yourself from that role will do wonders for your mental health, and your family will adjust. you deserve your own life and all the experiences that come with it. don’t forget that, keep your head down and look forward to what’s to come.
|
nta
you said what needed to be said. you need to live your own life.
|
nta -
i am so sorry. it is really hard being the sibling of a disabled sibling sometimes. i, too, had to give up a lot, but their expectations of you are beyond extreme. enjoy college. hopefully, this hard truth and time apart will allow your parents to reflect on how they treated you and they can attempt to try and mend their relationship with you on your terms.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (19m) have an autistic brother (20m). he’s fairly manipulative because he realized pretty quickly that the threat of a meltdown would get him his way every single time. he is considered high functioning by medical personnel, but he’s got my parents convinced he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and they don’t ever punish him. doctors have told them that he understands and that he knows what he’s doing. they think they know better. they also expect me to revolve my entire life around him. i was never able to do anything i wanted because it upset his routine. i wanted to play a sport, nope his routine. i wanted to get a job? nope, his routine. friends? yeah forget about that. i tried not to be resentful, but i am. the problem: my parents are flipping out because i plan to move several states away and in with my grandparents soon to attend school. they keep trying to guilt me into staying because of my brother. i usually just say that i’m sorry that they feel that way, but i’m still going. well here’s where i might be the asshole. my mother was going on and on about how the world doesn’t revolve around me and how i was being really selfish and how i was going to ruin my brother by doing this. how they’d always been the best parents they could be to both of us and we both got equal attention. i got frustrated and told her that she was delusional if she thought she or my father were ever good parents to me. they made my life revolve around my brothers, i had nothing of my own, he had to be the center of everything. i said he wasn’t the center of the universe even though she tried to make him it. i told her that the only people who were selfish were her and my father because they actively ignored me in favor of babying my brother who played them like a fiddle to make sure he always got his way. i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him? she started crying and i walked off and shut myself in my room. my father is demanding an apology for what i said, but i’m refusing. my grandpa said he’s proud that i stood up for myself, but my parents are still demanding an apology for being an asshole. i don’t think i need to give them one. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (19m) have an autistic brother (20m). he’s fairly manipulative because he realized pretty quickly that the threat of a meltdown would get him his way every single time. he is considered high functioning by medical personnel, but he’s got my parents convinced he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and they don’t ever punish him. doctors have told them that he understands and that he knows what he’s doing. they think they know better. they also expect me to revolve my entire life around him. i was never able to do anything i wanted because it upset his routine. i wanted to play a sport, nope his routine. i wanted to get a job? nope, his routine. friends? yeah forget about that. i tried not to be resentful, but i am. the problem: my parents are flipping out because i plan to move several states away and in with my grandparents soon to attend school. they keep trying to guilt me into staying because of my brother. i usually just say that i’m sorry that they feel that way, but i’m still going. well here’s where i might be the asshole. my mother was going on and on about how the world doesn’t revolve around me and how i was being really selfish and how i was going to ruin my brother by doing this. how they’d always been the best parents they could be to both of us and we both got equal attention. i got frustrated and told her that she was delusional if she thought she or my father were ever good parents to me. they made my life revolve around my brothers, i had nothing of my own, he had to be the center of everything. i said he wasn’t the center of the universe even though she tried to make him it. i told her that the only people who were selfish were her and my father because they actively ignored me in favor of babying my brother who played them like a fiddle to make sure he always got his way. i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him? she started crying and i walked off and shut myself in my room. my father is demanding an apology for what i said, but i’m refusing. my grandpa said he’s proud that i stood up for myself, but my parents are still demanding an apology for being an asshole. i don’t think i need to give them one. aita here? [/INST] nta. high 5, virtual applause and standing ovation. i was literally fist pumping reading what you told your mom. good for you. there is nothing to apologize for. you told her the truth. **edit** wow! i didn't expect my comment to blow up like this. thanks everyone for the upvotes and rewards. i am just a redditor who really felt for op's situation. </s>
|
AITA for kicking out my sister after she sabotaged a meeting with a fertility clinic?
|
8 years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) got pregnant. the father wasn't involved and my sister didn't want the baby, but she also couldn't bring herself to terminate or adopt out to strangers. she approached me and my (now ex) husband, and asked if we would be willing to adopt her child. we weren't sure as we were concerned this would lead to issues down the line but my sister insisted that it wouldn't so we ultimately agreed. before lucy was a year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about lucy's father.
when lucy was 4, i got together with my wife, and we married last year. my sister has said that seeing me and my wife with lucy (who is now 7) confirms to her that she made the right decision.
when i first adopted lucy, my husband and i told my sister that we wanted multiple children, which she said she was fine with at the time, but now my wife and i are looking into our options and my sister objects.
my sister has been staying with us since july because her boyfriend kicked her out.
she keeps asking lucy if she's sure she wants siblings (lucy has said that she does), and telling us she's worried we won't be able to give lucy what she needs, and then today happened.
we had an online consultation with a fertility clinic to talk about sperm donation. we told my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on lucy while we talked. the wifi went randomly on and off 3 times during the session, booting us out of the call each time. the third time, my wife went to check it and saw my sister holding the power cord, and lucy trying to plug it back in. lucy saw my wife and said "auntie keeps turning the wifi off". wife plugged it back in, but we could no longer get into the session and we got an email from the doctor saying that if the wifi is going to be this bad then maybe we should try a more local clinic as we can't do online consultations.
when we confronted my sister she admitted that she wants lucy to be an only child so she has 100% of our undivided attention, and then said in a sarcastic tone "forgive me for only wanting what's best for my daughter" to which we responded that lucy isn't her daughter. things escalated until i said that my sister should go stay with our parents, and my wife drove her to their place.
since leaving (a few hours ago) she's apologised and begged to come back, and my parents have also asked me to take her back, but i've refused. they've all called me an arsehole for kicking my own sister out after one argument, because now she's unable to get to work (no car and too far to walk) and she's back in her childhood room while at our place she had a studio to herself behind the house.
aita?
| 26,285 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iotv4b/aita_for_kicking_out_my_sister_after_she/
|
2020-09-08 13:48:15
|
nta
she messed with the wifi and ruined a consultation that could’ve given your little family a lovely new addition. she ruined and delayed something that was important to your family.
call the clinic back and explain that the wifi problem has been solved and you’d like another consultation
|
nta, this is grounds for a permanent ban in my opinion, especially with the “my daughter” comment
|
nta. once sister adopted lucy to you, she stopped getting to make these decisions. she is an aunt now, not a mom and gets to make decisions aunt get to make, which emphatically doesn't include decisions about siblings.
i'm curious about what changed between her being ok with you and your hubby having kids and now that has gotten her acting this way, but it's ultimately immaterial (my guess is it's a weird biological thing - she may be worried that if the child is biologically your wife's then the child would be "unrelated" - you get that kind of stuff from people sometimes). she's ta, definitely to the point of being kicked out, and you're completely 100% in the clear.
have a good day and i hope you are able to reschedule soon to get the ball rolling on a little brother or sister for lucy.
|
info why did the identity of lucy's father matter?
|
nta.
even if your sister hadn't done the horrible thing she did, it is clear she shouldn't move back in. she clearly still sees lucy as "her" daughter, with you and your wife as the caretakers rather than her parents. she seems to think she has an equal voice as to the number of kids in your family, when she has no voice at all.
|
100% nta. your sister on the other hand is behaving like a spoilt brat chucking a tantrum
|
nta. like so much nta i can’t even explain. shame on your sister. also mega shame on your parents. it’s not a family’s personal obligation to take on the problems of other members. your sister and parents have shown themselves to be selfish and manipulative. keep them all at arms length and protect your mental health.
|
nta. definitely not. your sister has lied and has been trying to manipulate you since day 1.
also, do not let your parents guilt trip you into taking her back. so you're an a for not wanting your sister back, but they don't want their daughter back too? it's the pot calling the kettle black.
|
info can you clarify what she did to break up your marriage? did she say your former husband was the father?
|
nta. she's interfering in things that are none of her business and trying to control your lives when she can barely manage her own life. personally i would go completely no-contact with her until she gets therapy to work through her feelings and learn to control herself.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 8 years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) got pregnant. the father wasn't involved and my sister didn't want the baby, but she also couldn't bring herself to terminate or adopt out to strangers. she approached me and my (now ex) husband, and asked if we would be willing to adopt her child. we weren't sure as we were concerned this would lead to issues down the line but my sister insisted that it wouldn't so we ultimately agreed. before lucy was a year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about lucy's father. when lucy was 4, i got together with my wife, and we married last year. my sister has said that seeing me and my wife with lucy (who is now 7) confirms to her that she made the right decision. when i first adopted lucy, my husband and i told my sister that we wanted multiple children, which she said she was fine with at the time, but now my wife and i are looking into our options and my sister objects. my sister has been staying with us since july because her boyfriend kicked her out. she keeps asking lucy if she's sure she wants siblings (lucy has said that she does), and telling us she's worried we won't be able to give lucy what she needs, and then today happened. we had an online consultation with a fertility clinic to talk about sperm donation. we told my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on lucy while we talked. the wifi went randomly on and off 3 times during the session, booting us out of the call each time. the third time, my wife went to check it and saw my sister holding the power cord, and lucy trying to plug it back in. lucy saw my wife and said "auntie keeps turning the wifi off". wife plugged it back in, but we could no longer get into the session and we got an email from the doctor saying that if the wifi is going to be this bad then maybe we should try a more local clinic as we can't do online consultations. when we confronted my sister she admitted that she wants lucy to be an only child so she has 100% of our undivided attention, and then said in a sarcastic tone "forgive me for only wanting what's best for my daughter" to which we responded that lucy isn't her daughter. things escalated until i said that my sister should go stay with our parents, and my wife drove her to their place. since leaving (a few hours ago) she's apologised and begged to come back, and my parents have also asked me to take her back, but i've refused. they've all called me an arsehole for kicking my own sister out after one argument, because now she's unable to get to work (no car and too far to walk) and she's back in her childhood room while at our place she had a studio to herself behind the house. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
8 years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) got pregnant. the father wasn't involved and my sister didn't want the baby, but she also couldn't bring herself to terminate or adopt out to strangers. she approached me and my (now ex) husband, and asked if we would be willing to adopt her child. we weren't sure as we were concerned this would lead to issues down the line but my sister insisted that it wouldn't so we ultimately agreed. before lucy was a year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about lucy's father. when lucy was 4, i got together with my wife, and we married last year. my sister has said that seeing me and my wife with lucy (who is now 7) confirms to her that she made the right decision. when i first adopted lucy, my husband and i told my sister that we wanted multiple children, which she said she was fine with at the time, but now my wife and i are looking into our options and my sister objects. my sister has been staying with us since july because her boyfriend kicked her out. she keeps asking lucy if she's sure she wants siblings (lucy has said that she does), and telling us she's worried we won't be able to give lucy what she needs, and then today happened. we had an online consultation with a fertility clinic to talk about sperm donation. we told my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on lucy while we talked. the wifi went randomly on and off 3 times during the session, booting us out of the call each time. the third time, my wife went to check it and saw my sister holding the power cord, and lucy trying to plug it back in. lucy saw my wife and said "auntie keeps turning the wifi off". wife plugged it back in, but we could no longer get into the session and we got an email from the doctor saying that if the wifi is going to be this bad then maybe we should try a more local clinic as we can't do online consultations. when we confronted my sister she admitted that she wants lucy to be an only child so she has 100% of our undivided attention, and then said in a sarcastic tone "forgive me for only wanting what's best for my daughter" to which we responded that lucy isn't her daughter. things escalated until i said that my sister should go stay with our parents, and my wife drove her to their place. since leaving (a few hours ago) she's apologised and begged to come back, and my parents have also asked me to take her back, but i've refused. they've all called me an arsehole for kicking my own sister out after one argument, because now she's unable to get to work (no car and too far to walk) and she's back in her childhood room while at our place she had a studio to herself behind the house. aita? [/INST] nta she messed with the wifi and ruined a consultation that could’ve given your little family a lovely new addition. she ruined and delayed something that was important to your family. call the clinic back and explain that the wifi problem has been solved and you’d like another consultation </s>
|
AITA for acting like a conspiracy theorist to get out of political arguments with my Dad?
|
my dad loves to have political arguments/“discussions” with me and other members of the family. i honestly think he does not care about half these issues and just wants to have fights with me and other people in the family. i have tried to simply opt out of them, but my dad will get upset at me for “not participating with the family dynamic” and “never talking to him.” i also don’t really want him to have these discussions with other members of my family, since they almost always end up in hurt feelings. i’ve been looking for a redirect for a while.
i read a post online on doubling down whenever someone says a conspiracy theory, for example if someone says “they faked the moon landing” you say “haha, you sucker, you believe the moon is real?” i decided to implement the strategy after getting into way too many political arguments and upsetting myself and everyone around me.
my dad saw something about climate change and started talking about how the chinese government partnered with obama to make it all up. i truly did not want to get into this political discussion. instead i said, “oh, you’ve heard that, well get this” and discussed my new theory about how the federal government has created a tornado machine to set on people who want to vote republican in the next election. he was truly flabbergasted at how stupid this was and decided to stop talking to me about this. it was wonderful. i’ve been doing it even more, and i haven’t had a political argument in a whole month.
this christmas, he had a doozy planned. my aunt and her wife are feminist and very pro-choice. at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place! i said, “oh, thank god you mentioned it, i have to tell you this news i learned” and i talked about how planned parenthood does not in fact perform abortions, since it’s physically impossible, but instead removes entire uteruses and replaces them with dog uteruses.
i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.”
| 26,280 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/egncbw/aita_for_acting_like_a_conspiracy_theorist_to_get/
|
2019-12-28 06:26:55
|
nta - did you know birds all went extinct and the ones we see now are fake?
|
nta. your dad sounds like a shit stirrer.
is he the type of person who starts an argument and then backs out of it while everyone else argues with each other?
|
ywbta if you didn't share some more of these batshit arguments with us.
|
nta
>at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place!
>[...]
>i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.”
your dad makes triggering the libs into an entire personality trait and your mother picks on *you* for acting dismissive/insane? :-/
|
nta. you're the real mvp.
of course you're not the asshole, this is a tactic called farce where you poke holes in ridiculous beliefs by exaggerating them to improbable extremes. keep doing what you're doing.
|
nta. "mom, i've tried telling dad i don't want to be constantly talking politics, especially when he gets such a kick out of needling people with it. if you're going to unilaterally sign me up for a game i don't want to play, you shouldn't be surprised when i don't play to win."
|
ha! nta because people like your dad are insufferable. (no offense to him, but really.)
|
[deleted]
|
nta - your dad is a irl twitter troll! you should tell everyone about this fun trick and just talking crazy whenever your dad starts up. even better pull up nutters on the phone and make him look at it till he gets tired of the ‘fun’. he can keep playing his game online till he gets bored or trolled by equal assholes.
if your mom wants to play his childish games that’s on her she married him but i doubt others enjoy it.
|
omg this is great! nta! all i can say is maybe find one topic he is super passionate about like global warming for example and go all out. predict what he will want to talk about and make a damn binder. blow him and his arguments out of the water with facts and sources. after a big burn like that with people around he won’t want to discuss things like that with you anymore.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad loves to have political arguments/“discussions” with me and other members of the family. i honestly think he does not care about half these issues and just wants to have fights with me and other people in the family. i have tried to simply opt out of them, but my dad will get upset at me for “not participating with the family dynamic” and “never talking to him.” i also don’t really want him to have these discussions with other members of my family, since they almost always end up in hurt feelings. i’ve been looking for a redirect for a while. i read a post online on doubling down whenever someone says a conspiracy theory, for example if someone says “they faked the moon landing” you say “haha, you sucker, you believe the moon is real?” i decided to implement the strategy after getting into way too many political arguments and upsetting myself and everyone around me. my dad saw something about climate change and started talking about how the chinese government partnered with obama to make it all up. i truly did not want to get into this political discussion. instead i said, “oh, you’ve heard that, well get this” and discussed my new theory about how the federal government has created a tornado machine to set on people who want to vote republican in the next election. he was truly flabbergasted at how stupid this was and decided to stop talking to me about this. it was wonderful. i’ve been doing it even more, and i haven’t had a political argument in a whole month. this christmas, he had a doozy planned. my aunt and her wife are feminist and very pro-choice. at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place! i said, “oh, thank god you mentioned it, i have to tell you this news i learned” and i talked about how planned parenthood does not in fact perform abortions, since it’s physically impossible, but instead removes entire uteruses and replaces them with dog uteruses. i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.”
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my dad loves to have political arguments/“discussions” with me and other members of the family. i honestly think he does not care about half these issues and just wants to have fights with me and other people in the family. i have tried to simply opt out of them, but my dad will get upset at me for “not participating with the family dynamic” and “never talking to him.” i also don’t really want him to have these discussions with other members of my family, since they almost always end up in hurt feelings. i’ve been looking for a redirect for a while. i read a post online on doubling down whenever someone says a conspiracy theory, for example if someone says “they faked the moon landing” you say “haha, you sucker, you believe the moon is real?” i decided to implement the strategy after getting into way too many political arguments and upsetting myself and everyone around me. my dad saw something about climate change and started talking about how the chinese government partnered with obama to make it all up. i truly did not want to get into this political discussion. instead i said, “oh, you’ve heard that, well get this” and discussed my new theory about how the federal government has created a tornado machine to set on people who want to vote republican in the next election. he was truly flabbergasted at how stupid this was and decided to stop talking to me about this. it was wonderful. i’ve been doing it even more, and i haven’t had a political argument in a whole month. this christmas, he had a doozy planned. my aunt and her wife are feminist and very pro-choice. at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place! i said, “oh, thank god you mentioned it, i have to tell you this news i learned” and i talked about how planned parenthood does not in fact perform abortions, since it’s physically impossible, but instead removes entire uteruses and replaces them with dog uteruses. i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.” [/INST] nta - did you know birds all went extinct and the ones we see now are fake? </s>
|
AITA for asking a 47 year old man who is dating my 22 year old niece some pointed questions that made him “uncomfortable”?
|
using a throwaway. some context; i live in ca, and my wife’s niece wanted to come visit us for a few weeks. she’s 22, i’ve known her since she was 4. her dad walked out on her family when she was 8. she’s very sheltered by her mother. anyway, i told my wife it was fine with me if she visits. she’s a good kid, and our 5 year old son loves his cousin and really wanted to see her.
but then my wife goes, “and she (the niece) wants to bring her bf.....he’s 47.”
i’m 41, my wife is 42. i was like “you’re kidding, right?”
she wasn’t kidding. at first, i was like “hell no.” but after about a week of talking, i gave in....with one caveat. i told my wife that if this dude is staying in our house, i’m going to ask some questions he might not like. she wanted to know what kind of questions, and i gave her some.
1. how did you guys meet and who made the first move? (if the dude made the first move, it’s weird).
2. has the dude been married, does he have kids?
3. why are you (the dude) dating such a young woman?
4. are you (the dude) aware of the young woman’s history with her father?
5. what’s the end game here? a serious relationship, marriage? have you (the dude) discussed what will happen if the young woman gets pregnant?
i know, i’m not the girl’s father, but no one else in her family is asking these questions. her mother is fine with the relationship (which boggles my mind).
so, fast forward to the visit. niece and old dude show up. i’m cordial. i wait till evening, after everything is settled and dinner is over, and i invite the dude to join me on the porch for a beer. just me and him. then i start asking my questions.
after only my second question, the guy starts getting defensive. he told me this is “none of my business.” i got a little pissed at that.
i told him he’s staying in my home for a week, i can ask him a few questions. and the girl is my niece, i’m not out of bounds here. he told me i was making him “uncomfortable”. i replied that i’m uncomfortable having a dude who’s clearly taking advantage of a young girl stay in my home. i said you can answer my questions and act like you’re a stand-up guy, or feel free to hit the fucking road.
well, he left. my wife and niece were upset with me. they said i acted like a jerk and that if my niece is happy, to let it go. again, i was told it’s none of my business. they have since broken up, which i am glad about. not sure if my actions were the cause.
so am i an asshole for questioning this guy?
| 26,263 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dpppvj/aita_for_asking_a_47_year_old_man_who_is_dating/
|
2019-10-31 16:09:21
|
nta — yes, she’s an adult, yes she can do what she wants. but she clearly has daddy issues and the guy’s taking advantage of that vulnerability. with an age gap like this, it’s hard for there not to be a power imbalance, which can be hard to see for someone at 22 with little experience with relationships and adult life, as it’s all pretty new. asking some pointed questions while the man was staying in your house seems fair enough to me, as long as you weren’t being too accusatory. that he quickly became defensive may be telling.
|
nta, a 25 year age gap seems a bit weird anyway, and the fact he got 'uncomfortable' being asked simple questions about the relationship makes it seem like he was taking advantage of your niece and didn't like being called out on it
|
>her dad walked out on her family when she was 8.
#
>[now] she’s 22
#
>her bf.....he’s 47.
🤔💡
|
[removed]
|
nta the fact he got defensive is a red flag. it's not a huge deal to have an age gap as it's becoming more prominent. however, i can understand where he may have become uncomfortable. but in the past my bf's have been questioned. and i've been questioned about my intentions with someone's son, aswell. i personally feel it's just something you become accustomed to when you start dating. (not every family does this. but a vast majority of people go though this phase with their so family)
|
[removed]
|
yta. not because i think your assessment is wrong, or because i wouldn't have the same questions, but because you should have talked to the niece about it first. acting like you were cool with having him stay and then springing an interrogation on someone she invited, without letting her know that was a condition of him being a guest in your home, was unnecessarily rude, and i'm sure it embarrassed the hell out of her. i totally support you pushing back on this relationship, but she *is* an adult, if a young one, and she deserved to be treated like an active agent in this situation.
** edited to add that i would have said "everyone sucks here" if the only people in the consideration were you and creepy boyfriend, but i didn't want to loop the niece and wife into it.
|
yta, but i would probably do the same thing
|
nta. odds are in your favor that he's there for the wrong reasons. you would be justified in having questions and given the circumstance, you were justified for asking them. they agreed to let you do it, and a 47 year old man should be able to answer them without getting uncomfortable.
further, your questions are totally reasonable in even a normal relationship.
|
nta. you did your job as a male relative.
"either answer the questions like a stand up guy or hit the fucking road"
he chose the road so that's on him.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.295023 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: using a throwaway. some context; i live in ca, and my wife’s niece wanted to come visit us for a few weeks. she’s 22, i’ve known her since she was 4. her dad walked out on her family when she was 8. she’s very sheltered by her mother. anyway, i told my wife it was fine with me if she visits. she’s a good kid, and our 5 year old son loves his cousin and really wanted to see her. but then my wife goes, “and she (the niece) wants to bring her bf.....he’s 47.” i’m 41, my wife is 42. i was like “you’re kidding, right?” she wasn’t kidding. at first, i was like “hell no.” but after about a week of talking, i gave in....with one caveat. i told my wife that if this dude is staying in our house, i’m going to ask some questions he might not like. she wanted to know what kind of questions, and i gave her some. 1. how did you guys meet and who made the first move? (if the dude made the first move, it’s weird). 2. has the dude been married, does he have kids? 3. why are you (the dude) dating such a young woman? 4. are you (the dude) aware of the young woman’s history with her father? 5. what’s the end game here? a serious relationship, marriage? have you (the dude) discussed what will happen if the young woman gets pregnant? i know, i’m not the girl’s father, but no one else in her family is asking these questions. her mother is fine with the relationship (which boggles my mind). so, fast forward to the visit. niece and old dude show up. i’m cordial. i wait till evening, after everything is settled and dinner is over, and i invite the dude to join me on the porch for a beer. just me and him. then i start asking my questions. after only my second question, the guy starts getting defensive. he told me this is “none of my business.” i got a little pissed at that. i told him he’s staying in my home for a week, i can ask him a few questions. and the girl is my niece, i’m not out of bounds here. he told me i was making him “uncomfortable”. i replied that i’m uncomfortable having a dude who’s clearly taking advantage of a young girl stay in my home. i said you can answer my questions and act like you’re a stand-up guy, or feel free to hit the fucking road. well, he left. my wife and niece were upset with me. they said i acted like a jerk and that if my niece is happy, to let it go. again, i was told it’s none of my business. they have since broken up, which i am glad about. not sure if my actions were the cause. so am i an asshole for questioning this guy?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
using a throwaway. some context; i live in ca, and my wife’s niece wanted to come visit us for a few weeks. she’s 22, i’ve known her since she was 4. her dad walked out on her family when she was 8. she’s very sheltered by her mother. anyway, i told my wife it was fine with me if she visits. she’s a good kid, and our 5 year old son loves his cousin and really wanted to see her. but then my wife goes, “and she (the niece) wants to bring her bf.....he’s 47.” i’m 41, my wife is 42. i was like “you’re kidding, right?” she wasn’t kidding. at first, i was like “hell no.” but after about a week of talking, i gave in....with one caveat. i told my wife that if this dude is staying in our house, i’m going to ask some questions he might not like. she wanted to know what kind of questions, and i gave her some. 1. how did you guys meet and who made the first move? (if the dude made the first move, it’s weird). 2. has the dude been married, does he have kids? 3. why are you (the dude) dating such a young woman? 4. are you (the dude) aware of the young woman’s history with her father? 5. what’s the end game here? a serious relationship, marriage? have you (the dude) discussed what will happen if the young woman gets pregnant? i know, i’m not the girl’s father, but no one else in her family is asking these questions. her mother is fine with the relationship (which boggles my mind). so, fast forward to the visit. niece and old dude show up. i’m cordial. i wait till evening, after everything is settled and dinner is over, and i invite the dude to join me on the porch for a beer. just me and him. then i start asking my questions. after only my second question, the guy starts getting defensive. he told me this is “none of my business.” i got a little pissed at that. i told him he’s staying in my home for a week, i can ask him a few questions. and the girl is my niece, i’m not out of bounds here. he told me i was making him “uncomfortable”. i replied that i’m uncomfortable having a dude who’s clearly taking advantage of a young girl stay in my home. i said you can answer my questions and act like you’re a stand-up guy, or feel free to hit the fucking road. well, he left. my wife and niece were upset with me. they said i acted like a jerk and that if my niece is happy, to let it go. again, i was told it’s none of my business. they have since broken up, which i am glad about. not sure if my actions were the cause. so am i an asshole for questioning this guy? [/INST] nta — yes, she’s an adult, yes she can do what she wants. but she clearly has daddy issues and the guy’s taking advantage of that vulnerability. with an age gap like this, it’s hard for there not to be a power imbalance, which can be hard to see for someone at 22 with little experience with relationships and adult life, as it’s all pretty new. asking some pointed questions while the man was staying in your house seems fair enough to me, as long as you weren’t being too accusatory. that he quickly became defensive may be telling. </s>
|
AITA for only paying for myself when my fiance and future inlaws invited me to a NYE dinner at a scale restaurant?
|
i f32 just got engaged to my fiance m37 sam. we do not live together because we're waiting til marriage given he and his family are highly conservative christians but they're really nice and loveable people.
i had plans to spend nye with sam but he said he was out for nye dinner celebration with his parents then called me again inviting me to join them and i happily did.
his parents were there, <they welcomed me and ordered many dishes and desserts and drinks. we celebrated and had great time that is until it was time to pay.
i pulled my wallet out of my bag letting them know that we'll split the check between us. sam mumbled "no you don't have to, we invited you" but i insisted. he and his parents then stared at me; i asked what was wrong and both mil & fil said they didn't have money on them. i was shocked i turned to sam and he said he too forgot his wallet at home and didn't bring enough money to cover even on round of drinks. his dad then laughed nervously "aright so guess we should let the doctor pay!!" i was taken a back i said i'm sorry but no this is just so much money to spend on one dinner by myself and i didn't think i was expected to pay the entire bill. sam said i should pay and he'd pay me back later but i said no since i know he will have to get a job to pay that much money. i said i'm sorry but this isn't the first time i've been put in this situation by him and family where i'm expected to rescue them after they somehow forgot their wallets and expectbothers to pay hundreds for their extravagant dinner. i told them i'll only pay for what i had and that's it, he and his parents were shocked. they started arguing about how i have the potential to pay right there and then but i was acting as if they were strangers not family but that doesn't mean i'm obligated to pay, how could someone go out to a fancy restuarant, order so many dishes, desserts and drinks without bringing money?. sam begged that i just do it and call it a night but i refused. the argument got heated then i got up and walked out.
sam called later at 2am basically yelling that i ruined nye celebration and made his parents suffer because i refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me. i told him how unfair it was for me to pay even if i have a good salary doesn't mean i want to spend it all on fancy dinner. he didn't reply he just said he'll pray that my parents will let this go and not resent me after i basically damaged the relationship with them.
i felt awful thinking i should've covered the bill instead of leaving. aita?
| 26,242 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rti8bm/aita_for_only_paying_for_myself_when_my_fiance/
|
2022-01-01 12:09:30
|
nta. they all conveniently left their wallets at home, it doesn’t seem likely they forgot them at all, and they invited you with the expectation that you’ll pay.
you should rethink marrying this guy, he expected you to pay for an expensive meal, without your knowledge and you’ve been put in this situation before by him, it seems he’s using you for money and that’s extended to his family.
they ruined their own nye, by trying to force someone else to pay for a meal they cannot afford.
edit. thank you for the awards and upvotes.
|
lol. well you have to admire their nerve.
"he'll pray that my parents will let this go"
and im praying you let his parents go. ffs
nta.
|
nta
>sam called later at 2am basically yelling that i ruined nye celebration and made his parents suffer because i refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me.
i was wtfing throughout most of your op, but this is where my jaw hit the floor and made off for the sunset.
it's so *painfully* obvious that your future husband and in-laws are using you for your money. they weren't being "gracious" to invite you; it was a calculated move so that you'd end up in a position to pick up the entire bill and your husband should be mortified that they did this. instead he's backing his parents up and manipulating you into thinking that you should've rolled over and paid.
you need to rethink this marriage. this isn't the first and it won't be the last time you will be put in this position and it's clear that your husband will always be on the side of his supposedly "nice and lovable" parents while they all take advantage of you. is this what you want the rest of your life to look like?
|
nta. sounds like you were invited just to pay the bill. red flag.
|
so hold on ...
🚩 you had plans with sam until he informed you he had plans with his parents, leaving you solo
🚩 he invited you what sounds like after their partying has begun - why would they be not inviting you to begin with?
🚩 he mumbles something that *sounds* like they'd cover you but ...
🚩 ... they then pressure you into paying, pulling a lot of emotional manipulation ("acting as if strangers not family")
🚩 your fiance's father *makes a joke* out of saying "guess we'll let the doctor pay"
🚩 fiance has no job, apparently
🚩 they've done this before
🚩 your fiance doesn't have your back at all, and is now *blaming" you
🚩 fiance is also now implying you've "damaged the relationship"
tl;dr: your unemployed fiance doesn't respect you enough to even include you in celebratory events, and neither does his family, with the exception of using you as a family atm and clearly sees you that way.
also, if they were able to leave the restaurant, they clearly had means to pay and only invited you to get you to foot the bill. you have a terrible partner.
|
nta. this was a set up and good for you for refusing to go along with it.
i would rethink this marriage since your fiancé and his parents want you to be the family cash cow. if this has happened before, they they should have been extra careful not to forget their wallets again. and calling you ‘the doctor’ was very telling.
and why doesn’t a 37 year old man have enough money to pay a restaurant bill?
|
nta but i’m wondering why you are planning to marry this man and also become a member of his family? he’s clearly using you for money. that’s the only reason they invited you at the last minute and then conveniently’forgot’ their wallets
|
yta for posting this fake ass story. yta for becoming a doctor by 32, (after residency?), and not figure out how to use a period or comma. yta for letting this happen multiple times, apparently (if true). yta for not living with your fiancé before marriage when he doesn’t have a job. yta for accepting a proposal from a man who doesn’t have a job when you have one that will keep you incredibly busy as being a “doctor” does. yta for apparently being so sheltered you have no problem with any of the aspects of this relationship. yta for not responding “who the hell doesn’t bring their wallet to a restaurant where we’ll be drinking at it’s the law to check all ids before serving alcohol?”
i’d be very concerned if you were my doctor considering your people and decision-making skills. good luck with the wedding you’ll be paying for yourself and the family of fucking weirdos attached to it.
jk there is no wedding or fiancé, but cute write up. clearly fun for a laugh
|
nta, but you will be if you stay in this relationship. you have three adults here who all “forgot” their wallets. i thought it was weird that you weren’t invited in the first place and it escalated really quickly.
i hope you leave this relationship. you are being used by this family and you don’t even have a wedding ring yet. considering this is not the first time this has happened i am seeing a red banner. forgot the flags. we need something bigger here.
also, why does your 37 year old fiancé not have a job and why are you okay with this?
|
wait a second, “lovable” people forget their means to pay at dinner more than once? how many times have you fallen for this? what are you doing agreeing to marry someone who acts this way?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f32 just got engaged to my fiance m37 sam. we do not live together because we're waiting til marriage given he and his family are highly conservative christians but they're really nice and loveable people. i had plans to spend nye with sam but he said he was out for nye dinner celebration with his parents then called me again inviting me to join them and i happily did. his parents were there, <they welcomed me and ordered many dishes and desserts and drinks. we celebrated and had great time that is until it was time to pay. i pulled my wallet out of my bag letting them know that we'll split the check between us. sam mumbled "no you don't have to, we invited you" but i insisted. he and his parents then stared at me; i asked what was wrong and both mil & fil said they didn't have money on them. i was shocked i turned to sam and he said he too forgot his wallet at home and didn't bring enough money to cover even on round of drinks. his dad then laughed nervously "aright so guess we should let the doctor pay!!" i was taken a back i said i'm sorry but no this is just so much money to spend on one dinner by myself and i didn't think i was expected to pay the entire bill. sam said i should pay and he'd pay me back later but i said no since i know he will have to get a job to pay that much money. i said i'm sorry but this isn't the first time i've been put in this situation by him and family where i'm expected to rescue them after they somehow forgot their wallets and expectbothers to pay hundreds for their extravagant dinner. i told them i'll only pay for what i had and that's it, he and his parents were shocked. they started arguing about how i have the potential to pay right there and then but i was acting as if they were strangers not family but that doesn't mean i'm obligated to pay, how could someone go out to a fancy restuarant, order so many dishes, desserts and drinks without bringing money?. sam begged that i just do it and call it a night but i refused. the argument got heated then i got up and walked out. sam called later at 2am basically yelling that i ruined nye celebration and made his parents suffer because i refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me. i told him how unfair it was for me to pay even if i have a good salary doesn't mean i want to spend it all on fancy dinner. he didn't reply he just said he'll pray that my parents will let this go and not resent me after i basically damaged the relationship with them. i felt awful thinking i should've covered the bill instead of leaving. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f32 just got engaged to my fiance m37 sam. we do not live together because we're waiting til marriage given he and his family are highly conservative christians but they're really nice and loveable people. i had plans to spend nye with sam but he said he was out for nye dinner celebration with his parents then called me again inviting me to join them and i happily did. his parents were there, <they welcomed me and ordered many dishes and desserts and drinks. we celebrated and had great time that is until it was time to pay. i pulled my wallet out of my bag letting them know that we'll split the check between us. sam mumbled "no you don't have to, we invited you" but i insisted. he and his parents then stared at me; i asked what was wrong and both mil & fil said they didn't have money on them. i was shocked i turned to sam and he said he too forgot his wallet at home and didn't bring enough money to cover even on round of drinks. his dad then laughed nervously "aright so guess we should let the doctor pay!!" i was taken a back i said i'm sorry but no this is just so much money to spend on one dinner by myself and i didn't think i was expected to pay the entire bill. sam said i should pay and he'd pay me back later but i said no since i know he will have to get a job to pay that much money. i said i'm sorry but this isn't the first time i've been put in this situation by him and family where i'm expected to rescue them after they somehow forgot their wallets and expectbothers to pay hundreds for their extravagant dinner. i told them i'll only pay for what i had and that's it, he and his parents were shocked. they started arguing about how i have the potential to pay right there and then but i was acting as if they were strangers not family but that doesn't mean i'm obligated to pay, how could someone go out to a fancy restuarant, order so many dishes, desserts and drinks without bringing money?. sam begged that i just do it and call it a night but i refused. the argument got heated then i got up and walked out. sam called later at 2am basically yelling that i ruined nye celebration and made his parents suffer because i refused to pay the entire bill amd instead acted selfishly and paid only for myself after they were gracious enough to invite me. i told him how unfair it was for me to pay even if i have a good salary doesn't mean i want to spend it all on fancy dinner. he didn't reply he just said he'll pray that my parents will let this go and not resent me after i basically damaged the relationship with them. i felt awful thinking i should've covered the bill instead of leaving. aita? [/INST] nta. they all conveniently left their wallets at home, it doesn’t seem likely they forgot them at all, and they invited you with the expectation that you’ll pay. you should rethink marrying this guy, he expected you to pay for an expensive meal, without your knowledge and you’ve been put in this situation before by him, it seems he’s using you for money and that’s extended to his family. they ruined their own nye, by trying to force someone else to pay for a meal they cannot afford. edit. thank you for the awards and upvotes. </s>
|
AITA for secretly feeding my sister vegetables?
|
my sister is 16 and heavily overweight. she's 5'2 or 5'3 but 170+lbs. she's already pre-diabetic and if she doesn't lose weight pronto she'll have to go on metformin. diabetes runs in our family (my mom and grandma both have it) and as it is she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!! i'm really worried about her and have tried to introduce her to various forms of "fun" exercises (like swimming, those weird indoor cycling classes with the edm and the lights and shit, 30-minute walks, wall climbing) but she absolutely hated it all. the other thing is, she doesn't eat any fruits or vegetables, except maybe potatoes, and bananas when they're in "acceptable" forms like in chocolate-banana smoothies or in banana bread.
as a last-ditch attempt, a couple of days ago i decided to just take over the family menu and feed her dishes that secretly have vegetables in them. for breakfast i made green smoothies but add lots of (sugar-free) matcha to explain the "green" color and mask the flavors of the fruits and veggies. i make "cheese" sauces out of pumpkin and carrots and flavor them with nutritional yeast. i mix crushed cauliflower into fried rice, etc etc. i have to lie about them because even if it tastes good, if she *knows* there are fruits or veggies she doesn't like in the dish, she'll immediately stop eating it.
it was going well until our mom found out the dishes secretly had vegetables in it. she started this whole argument about how it was "unethical" to lie to my sister about what we were feeding her and it escalated into a yelling match where i told my mom she clearly wasn't worried enough about my sister's health and that she knew nothing about nutrition. (she thinks apple pie is healthy???) my mom has banned me from preparing the meals and is guilt-tripping me for lying, but i really think i was making an honest effort to help? i feel bad for yelling at my mom but i dunno, was i really such an asshole for lying about the vegetables?
**
| 26,234 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/duadu9/aita_for_secretly_feeding_my_sister_vegetables/
|
2019-11-10 11:33:05
|
nta. you were trying to save your sister's life/health, and your mom should not have yelled at you. frankly, your mother's refusal to enforce a healthy diet on your sister verges on child abuse/neglect. i can't pretend to understand her motives, but her behavior is incredibly irresponsible.
|
**nta** \- can you cook for me lol? but for real i mean you are the cook, your sister doesn't have to eat it if she doesn't like it not like your forcing it down her throat... but obviously your good enough of a cook to make veggies taste good so i don't see why your mom has a problem with it. i don't understand your sisters logic though, if something tastes really good yet has veggies in it will she just not eat it out of pure spite of veggies? idk ur mom sounds like an ultra boomer haha.
|
nta. if she was vegan and you were sneaking meat into her food, that would be a different matter but getting a few veggies down her isn't a problem. it sounds like she has the eating habits of a toddler so treating her a such sounds reasonable to me.
|
esh. she’s 16 not five; you’re trying to help but she needs a long term sustainable solution. which is probably a nutritionist to scare the hell out of her. your mum shouldn’t be yelling at you for good intentions. your sister is troubled.
|
>she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!!
i had the same symptoms which turned out to be caused by my thyroid becoming underactive as a side effect of some meds i was on. if she hasn't already, it might be a good idea for her to get her thyroid function checked.
|
nta. diabetes isn’t the only thing she has to worry about: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.smh.com.au/lifestyle/health-and-wellness/picky-teen-goes-blind-after-diet-of-only-fries-and-chips-study-says-20190904-p52noe.html
|
nta you seem to be the only person in her life actually trying to help her.
|
hey i don’t have a judgment but i suggest getting your sisters real weight. i’m 5’3” and 175lbs and my doctors don’t even say anything about my weight anymore. maybe it’s because i’m active and a cosmetologist so i’m moving all the time, but if these issues are happening to her at 170-180lbs there might be deeper issues than what she eats. i personally have pcos and at one time was 270lbs. i lost weight because i found out i have celiacs and cut out all breads and fast food. even with eating no bread or desserts for two years i cannot get below 170/180 without a regular work out routine.
|
this is not at all related to my ethical dilemma lol but i am getting a lot of pms asking me for my recipes and i am all for encouraging healthy eating haha. i don't really follow recipes, i just adapt recipes i find online and change stuff along the way so this is the best i can explain:
**pumpkin-carrot cheese sauce**: i adapted this recipe from the vegan mac & cheese recipe of chocolate covered katie (literally the first link that pops up on google search when you google "vegan mac & cheese"). but instead of purely using pumpkin puree i used 1/2 pumpkin puree and 1/2 carrot puree (pumpkin is kinda starchy i think so i wanted to add something more nutritious). then instead of cashews i used silken tofu (i read that cashews are high-calorie and pretty fatty even if it's the good kind of fat), the texture came out creamy and you can't really taste the tofu once you add the nutritional yeast (aka vegan cheese) so be liberal with the yeast for that cheese flavor
**green smoothies**: honestly the best way to fill yourself with greens without actually tasting the greens. do not use watery fruits like apples/watermelons/pears—have tried adding these before and just makes it taste disgusting. bananas/avocados are a great creamy base and then you can add fruits that match it like bananas+strawberry or avocado+peaches and blend them with a non-dairy milk (i use oat milk) then add a handful of leafy greens (i usually use spinach and romaine lettuce.) if you like matcha then mango+bananas+coconut milk (full cream) and spinach is the best combo, then you can add as much matcha powder as you like. if you don't like non-dairy milk then whey powder is also a good option, i personally use a berry flavored whey powder and mix it with a frozen banana, oat milk, and spinach!
**cauliflower fried rice**: you can get any ole' fried rice recipe and just switch out the rice for 1/2 rice and 1/2 crushed cauliflower. crushing the cauliflower in a food processor is the easiest way but you can do it by hand, it's just time-consuming. you can also replace the rice entirely with cauliflower if you like. saute the cauliflower (and rice if you're still adding it) with some garlic and white onions, then add 1 meat (shrimp, chicken strips, beef cubes, etc) and some vegetables of your choice (brocolli, cauliflower, diced carrots, etc). when i made this for my sister i just used shrimp lol.
&#x200b;
please live healthy lives!!! diabetes is awful!!
|
esh. you have good intentions, but i don’t think dishonesty and food tampering is the way to help someone.
food issues can be like drug addictions. you can’t coerce, trick, beg, shame, or educate someone into getting help or changing their diet if they don’t want to. it has to come from a place of true self-motivation. i know it’s hard and it’s really, really frustrating when someone you love is hurting themselves and won’t listen to advise, but sneaking vegetables into her meal is not going to make her magically want to change. it will just cause distrust and resentment.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
ESH
| 0.124463 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister is 16 and heavily overweight. she's 5'2 or 5'3 but 170+lbs. she's already pre-diabetic and if she doesn't lose weight pronto she'll have to go on metformin. diabetes runs in our family (my mom and grandma both have it) and as it is she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!! i'm really worried about her and have tried to introduce her to various forms of "fun" exercises (like swimming, those weird indoor cycling classes with the edm and the lights and shit, 30-minute walks, wall climbing) but she absolutely hated it all. the other thing is, she doesn't eat any fruits or vegetables, except maybe potatoes, and bananas when they're in "acceptable" forms like in chocolate-banana smoothies or in banana bread. as a last-ditch attempt, a couple of days ago i decided to just take over the family menu and feed her dishes that secretly have vegetables in them. for breakfast i made green smoothies but add lots of (sugar-free) matcha to explain the "green" color and mask the flavors of the fruits and veggies. i make "cheese" sauces out of pumpkin and carrots and flavor them with nutritional yeast. i mix crushed cauliflower into fried rice, etc etc. i have to lie about them because even if it tastes good, if she *knows* there are fruits or veggies she doesn't like in the dish, she'll immediately stop eating it. it was going well until our mom found out the dishes secretly had vegetables in it. she started this whole argument about how it was "unethical" to lie to my sister about what we were feeding her and it escalated into a yelling match where i told my mom she clearly wasn't worried enough about my sister's health and that she knew nothing about nutrition. (she thinks apple pie is healthy???) my mom has banned me from preparing the meals and is guilt-tripping me for lying, but i really think i was making an honest effort to help? i feel bad for yelling at my mom but i dunno, was i really such an asshole for lying about the vegetables? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister is 16 and heavily overweight. she's 5'2 or 5'3 but 170+lbs. she's already pre-diabetic and if she doesn't lose weight pronto she'll have to go on metformin. diabetes runs in our family (my mom and grandma both have it) and as it is she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!! i'm really worried about her and have tried to introduce her to various forms of "fun" exercises (like swimming, those weird indoor cycling classes with the edm and the lights and shit, 30-minute walks, wall climbing) but she absolutely hated it all. the other thing is, she doesn't eat any fruits or vegetables, except maybe potatoes, and bananas when they're in "acceptable" forms like in chocolate-banana smoothies or in banana bread. as a last-ditch attempt, a couple of days ago i decided to just take over the family menu and feed her dishes that secretly have vegetables in them. for breakfast i made green smoothies but add lots of (sugar-free) matcha to explain the "green" color and mask the flavors of the fruits and veggies. i make "cheese" sauces out of pumpkin and carrots and flavor them with nutritional yeast. i mix crushed cauliflower into fried rice, etc etc. i have to lie about them because even if it tastes good, if she *knows* there are fruits or veggies she doesn't like in the dish, she'll immediately stop eating it. it was going well until our mom found out the dishes secretly had vegetables in it. she started this whole argument about how it was "unethical" to lie to my sister about what we were feeding her and it escalated into a yelling match where i told my mom she clearly wasn't worried enough about my sister's health and that she knew nothing about nutrition. (she thinks apple pie is healthy???) my mom has banned me from preparing the meals and is guilt-tripping me for lying, but i really think i was making an honest effort to help? i feel bad for yelling at my mom but i dunno, was i really such an asshole for lying about the vegetables? ** [/INST] nta. you were trying to save your sister's life/health, and your mom should not have yelled at you. frankly, your mother's refusal to enforce a healthy diet on your sister verges on child abuse/neglect. i can't pretend to understand her motives, but her behavior is incredibly irresponsible. </s>
|
AITA for pointing at the kitchen when MIL asked "where is our dinner?".
|
my husband had a serious injury weeks ago. he's bed ridden and his family come to see him everyday.
mil keeps "drilling" what i need to do to make my husband comfortable but does nothing to help. just visits everyday and sits around expecting to be fed and entertained. sometimes bil, his wife & kids join them and turn the house into a mess.
yesterday mil, her husband and son came again. they checked on my husband then went to sit in the living room for hours. i served them coffee and croissant. hours later my husband threw up again (2nd time) i had to take care of changing his clothes and cleaning the sheets to avoid infections.
i was exhausted, i came downstairs and mil looked at me and asked " hey where's our dinner?".
i was shocked that after seeing me go up and downstairs many times and cleaning and bringing new sheets and running the washing machine that she'd expect me to prepare dinner. i'd already eaten a sandwich at 6 and yogurt ( i have problems with my stomach and stress and pregnancy made it worse, i'm 4 months in)
i pointed at the kitchen and told her to help herself out. she gave me a look then said she didn't expect me to ask *her* to cook dinner at *my* house. i said i didn't expect her to ask me to cook dinner while i'm taking care of her son. she started arguing about the way i spoke about my husband saying as his partner, *this is the least i could do* and called me unhinged for throwing in her face that i'm helping my husband.
she got her husband involved asking what his thoughts were on me making guests go hungry and forcing them to cook themselves when this supposed to be my duty as a host/home owner. fil said they could order food and call it a day and yelled at my younger bil to stop playing on his phone and order food but mil got mad and lashed out criticizing me saying i wasn't up to the challenge of taking care of my home and my guests like an adult. i lost it on her and told them to leave since she kept yelling disrupting my husband's sleep. she left after saying she felt sorry for her son and grandbaby with an "aggressive wife and a mother like me".
she told everyone and my older bil said he understood i'd a lot on my plate but lectured me about how i should have respect for his mom who was a guest. repeatedly saying if that was his wife she wouldn't have acted this way. and that i shouldn't use taking care of my husband against them. he asked me to apologize but i didn't.
info: my husband suffers from 2 major injuries and he's got a long recovery ahead. right now there's so much pressure to take care of him while keeping up with house chores and work. my mom and sister help but not mil. she claimed that when i told them to leave i was refusing to let her see her sick son but i'd never do that. i lost a loved one before seeing them so i understand her fear but bil thought that was my goal.
| 26,225 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oslnww/aita_for_pointing_at_the_kitchen_when_mil_asked/
|
2021-07-27 12:14:22
|
nta
don’t let them in anymore. or give them strict visiting hours and kick them out when they’re done.
they are real ahs for sitting on their arses all day at your house expecting to be waited on. their dinner wasn’t in the kitchen at your house, it was in the kitchen at their house! it’s not your responsibility to feed unwanted and unhelpful guests.
|
no, nta. she’s the a. this isn’t the 1950s anymore, gender roles are not the same. seems like your hubby’s family has yet to catch up but that’s not on you. i’m curious if your husband would have put his foot down if they dared said that in front of him. but good on you for sticking up for yourself
|
your mil isn’t a guest. a guest is invited and welcome. she is a mooch.
you are nta. you’ve been putting up with this for weeks, you are a saint for not snapping sooner. don’t let them into your house anymore and definitely don’t apologise.
i hope your husband recovers soon and your pregnancy goes well.
|
nta. they might be guests but i feel that they're unwelcome ones. just kick to the curb. you have enough on your plate and you're pregnant too? boot them and save yourself at least that headache
|
are your in-laws coming over to help you care for your husband, or are they coming over to "see" him and therefore make life more difficult for everyone? because it seems like it's the latter. and if they are coming over to "help," they would either be helping you clean up the house or at least providing meals. do your in-laws not like you, by chance? they're treating you pretty shabbily.
either you or your husband needs to put your foot down with your in-laws and let them know that if they're just coming over expecting to be entertained and catered to, they can go somewhere else. you're dealing with a bedridden husband and a pregnancy and don't need any more stress in your life.
nta
|
so....why do you let them come in if they just sit around not even helping....?
|
you're pregnant as well as dealing with this?
nta and i'm sorry to hear about your troubles. have you considered a canon to shoot the mil into space for that audacity there? or rabid hamsters, maybe dome rabid hamsters would work...
|
nta
you didn't invite them, so they're not your guests.
they're entitled intruders and they can be respectful of you in your home or they can leave. you owe them nothing and certainly no apologies.
if bil insists his wife would wait on everyone, hand and foot, let him know he should be sure to tell his future wife of such expectations, lest he end up harshly disappointed with his 21st century partner.
|
nta.
wow, passive aggressive bitchery at its finest.
tell them they are no longer welcome in your home until they apologize.
turn it around back on them.
your husband doesn't need the stress that they are creating.
|
nta. you don't impose on folks with too much on their plate. you help out or get out of the way at least so as to not add to the things they have to take on.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband had a serious injury weeks ago. he's bed ridden and his family come to see him everyday. mil keeps "drilling" what i need to do to make my husband comfortable but does nothing to help. just visits everyday and sits around expecting to be fed and entertained. sometimes bil, his wife & kids join them and turn the house into a mess. yesterday mil, her husband and son came again. they checked on my husband then went to sit in the living room for hours. i served them coffee and croissant. hours later my husband threw up again (2nd time) i had to take care of changing his clothes and cleaning the sheets to avoid infections. i was exhausted, i came downstairs and mil looked at me and asked " hey where's our dinner?". i was shocked that after seeing me go up and downstairs many times and cleaning and bringing new sheets and running the washing machine that she'd expect me to prepare dinner. i'd already eaten a sandwich at 6 and yogurt ( i have problems with my stomach and stress and pregnancy made it worse, i'm 4 months in) i pointed at the kitchen and told her to help herself out. she gave me a look then said she didn't expect me to ask *her* to cook dinner at *my* house. i said i didn't expect her to ask me to cook dinner while i'm taking care of her son. she started arguing about the way i spoke about my husband saying as his partner, *this is the least i could do* and called me unhinged for throwing in her face that i'm helping my husband. she got her husband involved asking what his thoughts were on me making guests go hungry and forcing them to cook themselves when this supposed to be my duty as a host/home owner. fil said they could order food and call it a day and yelled at my younger bil to stop playing on his phone and order food but mil got mad and lashed out criticizing me saying i wasn't up to the challenge of taking care of my home and my guests like an adult. i lost it on her and told them to leave since she kept yelling disrupting my husband's sleep. she left after saying she felt sorry for her son and grandbaby with an "aggressive wife and a mother like me". she told everyone and my older bil said he understood i'd a lot on my plate but lectured me about how i should have respect for his mom who was a guest. repeatedly saying if that was his wife she wouldn't have acted this way. and that i shouldn't use taking care of my husband against them. he asked me to apologize but i didn't. info: my husband suffers from 2 major injuries and he's got a long recovery ahead. right now there's so much pressure to take care of him while keeping up with house chores and work. my mom and sister help but not mil. she claimed that when i told them to leave i was refusing to let her see her sick son but i'd never do that. i lost a loved one before seeing them so i understand her fear but bil thought that was my goal.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband had a serious injury weeks ago. he's bed ridden and his family come to see him everyday. mil keeps "drilling" what i need to do to make my husband comfortable but does nothing to help. just visits everyday and sits around expecting to be fed and entertained. sometimes bil, his wife & kids join them and turn the house into a mess. yesterday mil, her husband and son came again. they checked on my husband then went to sit in the living room for hours. i served them coffee and croissant. hours later my husband threw up again (2nd time) i had to take care of changing his clothes and cleaning the sheets to avoid infections. i was exhausted, i came downstairs and mil looked at me and asked " hey where's our dinner?". i was shocked that after seeing me go up and downstairs many times and cleaning and bringing new sheets and running the washing machine that she'd expect me to prepare dinner. i'd already eaten a sandwich at 6 and yogurt ( i have problems with my stomach and stress and pregnancy made it worse, i'm 4 months in) i pointed at the kitchen and told her to help herself out. she gave me a look then said she didn't expect me to ask *her* to cook dinner at *my* house. i said i didn't expect her to ask me to cook dinner while i'm taking care of her son. she started arguing about the way i spoke about my husband saying as his partner, *this is the least i could do* and called me unhinged for throwing in her face that i'm helping my husband. she got her husband involved asking what his thoughts were on me making guests go hungry and forcing them to cook themselves when this supposed to be my duty as a host/home owner. fil said they could order food and call it a day and yelled at my younger bil to stop playing on his phone and order food but mil got mad and lashed out criticizing me saying i wasn't up to the challenge of taking care of my home and my guests like an adult. i lost it on her and told them to leave since she kept yelling disrupting my husband's sleep. she left after saying she felt sorry for her son and grandbaby with an "aggressive wife and a mother like me". she told everyone and my older bil said he understood i'd a lot on my plate but lectured me about how i should have respect for his mom who was a guest. repeatedly saying if that was his wife she wouldn't have acted this way. and that i shouldn't use taking care of my husband against them. he asked me to apologize but i didn't. info: my husband suffers from 2 major injuries and he's got a long recovery ahead. right now there's so much pressure to take care of him while keeping up with house chores and work. my mom and sister help but not mil. she claimed that when i told them to leave i was refusing to let her see her sick son but i'd never do that. i lost a loved one before seeing them so i understand her fear but bil thought that was my goal. [/INST] nta don’t let them in anymore. or give them strict visiting hours and kick them out when they’re done. they are real ahs for sitting on their arses all day at your house expecting to be waited on. their dinner wasn’t in the kitchen at your house, it was in the kitchen at their house! it’s not your responsibility to feed unwanted and unhelpful guests. </s>
|
AITA for banning my father from my home because he banned me from his when I was younger?
|
when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well.
eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home.
i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule.
he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested. we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it.
it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a 1 year old.
his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming he's lonely now.
but i don't really want to be his backup plan.
he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage much with him myself.
last december, he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him.
i told him the the truth. he was very upset but it's the reality of the situation.
was i the asshole?
| 26,198 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8znou/aita_for_banning_my_father_from_my_home_because/
|
2020-08-13 13:11:56
|
nta people keep expecting us sons and daughters to be the bigger person and try to fix the screw ups our parents did to our relations, which is something i do not believe is fair. your actions are direct consequence of his, and it's his problem to understand and make peace with that.
|
nta - he chose his wife and stepdaughter over you. he deserves to know how that hurt you.
|
nta. you reap what you sow. he can never take back his choice but maybe you can if you feel like it.
|
nta - he asked, you told him (assuming this was all done civilly). you are certainly being very adult and a very good parent by letting him have a relationship with your son. good for you.
it is up to you whether you may, one day, decide that you want to try and have a cordial relationship with him. maybe you might consider asking for some time for a conversation where you get the opportunity to tell him just how it felt, 13 years ago, to have your dad put his new wife and stepdaughter first, and all the painful emotions that went along with that decision. that the thought of having visits at your grandparents' felt like you were an outcast, etc. an indepth conversation with lots of "i felt. " sentences. then he might understand just why you are acting as you are now.
i have done the same. i have been advised to not let the opportunity pass you by to speak your mind, because one day the parent will be gone and so will that opportunity. i spoke all my emotions, got everything off my heart. it did feel good. (didn't change the relationship. )
|
i think this one is a mixed bag and you're both at fault a little.
you wrote "eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home."
should he have just let the fighting continue? the way you explain it, it sounds like you were at fault - at least partially - for all the fighting. (you say you just "couldn't get along with" the step-mother.) no judgement, you were a teenager. but still. he didn't "ban" you from his home -- although i get why it's an an effective ban -- he asked to see you elsewhere to avoid terrible fighting . that seems reasonable. you're the one that then refused to see him. (maybe you're leaving out some details?)
also "he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested." i'd like to know more about his attempts and why they didn't work. from what you wrote, it sounds like you were mostly the one pushing him away. (and i'm also keeping in mind that generally ops give their own side of the story - but still you haven't really given any examples of really bad behavior on his part.)
there are a lot of examples of toxic people taking advantage of various ops in this sub, and lots of people should rightfully cut their toxic relatives out of their lives. but i disagree with a lot of the other commentators here that your dad is one of those toxic people.
if you don't want to see him, then you don't want to, and don't feel obligated to. but if you're just doing a tit-for-tat "ban," ask yourself what do you think he should have done differently when you were getting into terrible screaming matches with your step mother and step sister. just let that continue? wouldn't allowing that to continue have been worse? why didn't you want to do visitation with him at a different house?
|
info:
>when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well.
why couldn’t you get along with her? what was causing the friction between you and her daughter?
>eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house
who was starting the fights? what was the fighting about?
without getting a clearer picture i can’t really give a judgement.
|
nta. your dad put his new family before you until his wife died if she was still alive he’d still be a deadbeat. i’m sorry you’ve experienced this and i hope you find your peace and healing.
|
nta and i'm sorry he did that to you. i'm going to share a personal experience not because it's the same but because i think it might clarify your situation and maybe bring you comfort in your decision, if not his.
when i was young my father remarried a woman who... well, let's just shorthand it to say she likely wouldn't have married him if she'd known he would start asking for more visitation once he had a wife. she had already dumped each of her three children on whomever was nearest at hand in her search for yet another meal ticket so... yeah. i grew up spending more and more time with them (my mother was maternal only in the sense that she gave birth) and was hurt by how little interest he had in my actual person and feelings. i noted that he doted on her, catered to her, and would move the stars to keep her from sulking but my actual *needs* we're an inconvenience best ignored. i once made the mistake of asking him how he could place anyone so far above his only child and this was his response: "she is my wife. she will be in my life forever. you're going to grow up and get married but she will always be with me. when you have a family of your own you'll understand."
i don't know if your father ever voiced this to you but it sounds like he absolutely *thought* it.
now you have grown up. you have a spouse and a child of your own and (hopefully) you know just how wrong that sentiment is. and he is, contrary to his plan, without the woman he chose and catered to. this is not your fault.
he made his choice.
you protect yours.
|
esh, but mostly you. it seems like you played your fair part in making your home life horrible for everyone, which you have never acknowledged.
it sucks you had to go live with your grandparents, but it seems like it wound up being the best solution for everyone, and sort of like you didn't leave him with any choice. you don't negotiate with terrorists, even when that terrorist is your own kid. he would have hated and resented you if you had imploded his marriage, either by driving his spouse away, or convincing him to leave her for the benefit of his caustically angry, unpleasant teen, just as you would hate and resent someone who did that to your current marriage.
you are the one who blocked his attempts to regularly see you as a teen, and refused his multiple attempts to reconcile. if you hadn't, it's likely in a few months or so, you would have been invited over again, and possibly worked your way up to moving back in.
this feels like a problem of your own making and you really need to go to therapy.
|
how is everyone voting nta without having any idea what happened with op and his stepmother/stepsibling. there’s an assumption here that they were in the wrong and op’s dad kicked him out for no reason. for all we know, it could have been op making this a bad situation.
apparently op’s dad made attempts to fix their relationship.
if the issue was op, then it still wasn’t right to just ship them off to the grandparents, but there is a lot missing from this post.
that being said op has no obligation to have their dad in their life, but i’m suspicious as to whether the dad is completely at fault.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well. eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home. i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule. he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested. we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it. it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a 1 year old. his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming he's lonely now. but i don't really want to be his backup plan. he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage much with him myself. last december, he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him. i told him the the truth. he was very upset but it's the reality of the situation. was i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well. eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home. i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule. he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested. we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it. it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a 1 year old. his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming he's lonely now. but i don't really want to be his backup plan. he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage much with him myself. last december, he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him. i told him the the truth. he was very upset but it's the reality of the situation. was i the asshole? [/INST] nta people keep expecting us sons and daughters to be the bigger person and try to fix the screw ups our parents did to our relations, which is something i do not believe is fair. your actions are direct consequence of his, and it's his problem to understand and make peace with that. </s>
|
AITA for dropping the "We're Not Having Kids, Now Stop Bringing It Up" bomb on my MIL?
|
my husband and i don't want kids. my mil is big into family in the traditional sense. she has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking.
my husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. every time we see her, she asks. everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "we might not even have kids" and mil would *not*hear it. at year 4, husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal.
so this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some bbq and drinks and everything. when i get up to grab a beer, my mil asks me if maybe i should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know.
i was annoyed by this and said "there's really no chance."
mil, all wide-grin, said, "oh come on! it's time for you two to finally get serious! put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!"
i said "we've been official for about 5 years now, mil," and drink the beer. husband laughs with me.
mil gets more annoyed and says "well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies!"
husband said, "mom, enough." mil pushed again. husband repeated.
after about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, i finally snapped and said "mil, husband got snipped. i had my tubes tied. we're not having kids. you need to stop bringing it up. period."
well, i thought i started wwiii. she started crying and stormed off. family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. we left. party kinda ended. the social media bullshit started shortly after. vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. some meme about how "i guess i wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." it's obnoxious to the point that i just muted all of them.
my mil finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if husband and i came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. i told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "well then, i guess you two aren't prepared to be real (lastname)s. i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (it wasn't that much. it was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.)
i hung up on her. when recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that i was the asshole here for dropping it like that. but i don't think she was ever going to drop it if i didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. so aita?
| 26,180 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5hirx/aita_for_dropping_the_were_not_having_kids_now/
|
2019-03-25 22:34:21
|
nta.
> well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies
i think it's clear who is ta here
> i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding
oh! they paid for babies!
you had to drop it for her to stop with it, so you are definitely not ta.
|
nta, i hate people that are pushy about big life choices. it's not her life, it's not her choice, whether you guys have kids or not. you aren't an asshole for refusing to have children, nor are you an asshole for making it very clear that you never intend to have children.
&#x200b;
also, the "motherhood is a woman's greatest calling" thing is freaking sexist.
|
nta at all and i thought i was on r/justnomil because of how awful this is. she’s a major asshole who is continuing to disrespect you and your body, treating you like an incubator.
|
nta. if you want to be an asshole but still a smaller asshole than your mil you and you partner can both go get a new last name and send the announcement with their $400 check.
imagine being so weird about what other people decide to do in regards to kids.
|
my god! your delivery of "no!" was epic.
and she still persisted. you're not [last name] until?? hahaha. grade a stupidity. there's no making peace with this kind of dumb. you'll have to be more aggressively degrading to get your point accross and then she'll just switch to name calling.
you are absolutely nta.
black flag her visits and chats.
|
nta. you gave your mil several nice requests to stop asking about it, and you had to be direct. she is the asshole for being so pushy about it after you stopped, and demanding a refund for her rehearsal dinner and saying all those mean things to you.
|
nta - she was told enough time to drop it and she kept pushing... for years. ahe was told repeatedly it was none of her business and told to stop. she kept persisting to the point of your discomfort and i bet you cringed at the thought of even going over there to visit because you knew it was coming.
sometimes people need the shock of harsh reality to smack them in the face before they stop.
now you got to decide the best way forward- peacefully- because you’re family.
hand her the $400 back, write a cheque and post it to her without a word - just a note saying “wedding money returned as you requested”. this way you will see of she decides to cash it or not. this way you have absolutely no obligation to her. if she thinks she will hold $400 over your heads to try and make you have kids then she’s got another thing coming.
as for her “listening to me” bs. reply you’ve heard everything that she has had to say on the subject over the years and shes has said enough.
also say along the lines of mil, i thought you genuinely liked me for me, not my ability to be an incubator. my status as a parent doesn’t change my position in this family, not husbands. we need to to accept our decision and move past this and love us for who we are... just as we are
for the record i have a bunch of kids, more than average kidlets actually. but my bff and her husband are very happy being child free and having disposable income which they use to travel the world whilst i change diapers and live vicariously through her adventures lol. she loves my kids and always sends the cool gifts from her travels and is perfectly content as cool-honarary-aunt status. i respect her decision to not have kids just as much as she respects my decision to have them. i honestly don’t think she will regret her decision down the track as she put heaps of thought into it and it’s not a easy decision to make as our biological urge is to procreate.
|
nta sure you probably could have handled it with more grace, but she wouldn’t take the hint. honestly i’d also say your husband is an asshole for not standing up to his mother more. it’s his mother, he needs to be leading this battle.
|
nta.
your life, your decisions.
join us: /r/childfree or /r/truechildfree
you should post this over there.
|
nta, your mil needs a lesson in boundaries. fuck this “motherhood is a woman’s highest calling” bs. what about women who can’t conceive or who miscarry? it’s just misogyny. good for you for standing up to her.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i don't want kids. my mil is big into family in the traditional sense. she has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking. my husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. every time we see her, she asks. everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "we might not even have kids" and mil would *not*hear it. at year 4, husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal. so this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some bbq and drinks and everything. when i get up to grab a beer, my mil asks me if maybe i should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know. i was annoyed by this and said "there's really no chance." mil, all wide-grin, said, "oh come on! it's time for you two to finally get serious! put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!" i said "we've been official for about 5 years now, mil," and drink the beer. husband laughs with me. mil gets more annoyed and says "well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies!" husband said, "mom, enough." mil pushed again. husband repeated. after about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, i finally snapped and said "mil, husband got snipped. i had my tubes tied. we're not having kids. you need to stop bringing it up. period." well, i thought i started wwiii. she started crying and stormed off. family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. we left. party kinda ended. the social media bullshit started shortly after. vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. some meme about how "i guess i wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." it's obnoxious to the point that i just muted all of them. my mil finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if husband and i came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. i told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "well then, i guess you two aren't prepared to be real (lastname)s. i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (it wasn't that much. it was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.) i hung up on her. when recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that i was the asshole here for dropping it like that. but i don't think she was ever going to drop it if i didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i don't want kids. my mil is big into family in the traditional sense. she has been pushy with us about having kids since we got married. literally the week after we got engaged, she started asking. my husband has always changed the subject, and has even told her that it's really none of her business. every time we see her, she asks. everything we do is built around the idea of use having kids. 3 years into our marriage, my husband said "we might not even have kids" and mil would *not*hear it. at year 4, husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal. so this weekend we were all at their home enjoying some bbq and drinks and everything. when i get up to grab a beer, my mil asks me if maybe i should drink water instead, because wink wink nudge nudge, you never know. i was annoyed by this and said "there's really no chance." mil, all wide-grin, said, "oh come on! it's time for you two to finally get serious! put down the beer and tell us when we can finally expect you two to finally make your family official!" i said "we've been official for about 5 years now, mil," and drink the beer. husband laughs with me. mil gets more annoyed and says "well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies!" husband said, "mom, enough." mil pushed again. husband repeated. after about fifteen minutes of the usual comments, i finally snapped and said "mil, husband got snipped. i had my tubes tied. we're not having kids. you need to stop bringing it up. period." well, i thought i started wwiii. she started crying and stormed off. family looked at us with disgust and stormed off to comfort her. we left. party kinda ended. the social media bullshit started shortly after. vague posts, links about how motherhood is a woman's greatest calling, listicles about how unhappy childless women are, etc. some meme about how "i guess i wasn't a good enough mother and won't be graduating to grandmother." it's obnoxious to the point that i just muted all of them. my mil finally called me this morning and told me that she was willing to put this all behind us if husband and i came over and listened to her reasons that we really "need" to have kids. i told her no, that we are tired of her pushing this on us, and then she said "well then, i guess you two aren't prepared to be real (lastname)s. i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding." (it wasn't that much. it was like $400 for the rehearsal dinner.) i hung up on her. when recounting this to my friends, a few of them said that i was the asshole here for dropping it like that. but i don't think she was ever going to drop it if i didn't finally make a serious, direct comment about it. so aita? [/INST] nta. > well, you won't be real (lastnames) until you bless us with babies i think it's clear who is ta here > i'd like a refund for what we paid for the wedding oh! they paid for babies! you had to drop it for her to stop with it, so you are definitely not ta. </s>
|
AITA for telling my husband his friend is no longer welcome at our house?
|
so, my husband has this friend, i’ll call him alex. alex is one of those people that would bring a guitar to a house party and strum it nonstop. alex is also one of those people who insists on stopping games in the middle to start political debates, knowing that the rest of us don’t share his far right views. the rest of our friend group has also mentioned this, and for a while he wasn’t invited to game nights anymore. if you tell him alex, i want to play the game and not talk about this stuff, he’ll just start talking louder and trying to goad you by saying “you just can’t defend your side so you’re too afraid to talk about it.”
anyway, one day, my husband had alex and another friend over, joe. they were working on a project out in the garage together. i was initially annoyed because he brought his puppy which was dumped on me to take care of. i have a huge dog that isn’t fond of new dogs in the house, but it was around 40°f outside so she couldn’t go out there with them. luckily i had my best friend over to help, but still. so while we were trying to appease my big dog and get this puppy to go to sleep, they start playing music put in the garage. nbd. when the pup finally goes to sleep, alex came inside to get something. i told him “your dog is asleep. don’t wake her, it’s finally peaceful in here.” and what does he do? comes over to pet her and mess with her. so i told him to take the puppy back to his truck and turn the heat on because i wasn’t going to spend my night keeping the peace when i wanted to spend it with my friend who doesn’t live anywhere near me.
anyway, the music outside kept getting louder and louder, until i couldn’t hear the tv inside my living room, sitting less than ten feet away. i walked outside to the garage, and turn their speaker down a bit and said “it’s so loud that we can’t hear the tv”.
alex responded with “well turn up your tv then.” i had a moment where i was too shocked to speak. so i unplugged the speaker and took it inside with me, telling him that it’s my house, not his.
apparently after i left, he started talking about how annoying i was *to my husband* and that he thought i acted bitchy. my husband told me all of this later that night in bed and i asked what he said to alex. “nothing, really” i got angry with my husband, and told him that he should’ve stood up for me. we had a long talk where my husband apologized for staying quiet and worked that out between the two of us.
the next day, i told my husband that alex was no longer welcome in our home. my husband said he thought that was taking it too far, so i compromised with “alex is only welcome in our home after you tell him that the way he acted was absolutely out of line, and you make it clear to him that at our house, talks about religion and politics after alcohol comes out are off limits.”
so aita?
| 26,170 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bh8kmq/aita_for_telling_my_husband_his_friend_is_no/
|
2019-04-25 13:22:39
|
nta. fucking alex man. i hate that dude. he’s not welcome in my house either. always trying to play “wonder wall” on his stupid guitar. and fucking it up, too, even though it’s super easy.
|
nta. i can’t decide if alex or your husband is acting like the bigger asshole. obviously alex is a boorish, annoying guy, but your husband continuing to invite him over, watching him treat you disrespectfully and saying nothing? yikes.
|
nta why can't your husband go to alex's place? does he live in a van down by the river?
|
nta & your husband is kind of shitty for putting up with him, especially the insults toward you.
|
nta. why is your husband friends with this asshole?
|
nta - it's your house. you get to set the rules. if alex can't follow the rules, you have no obligation to let him be there.
|
nta. everyone knows an alex, and none of us really want him in our house.
|
nta and your husband is a coward. if i were you, i would not go back on banning alex the asshole from your home.
|
nta
i hate alex. i think we all know an alex. he plays crap guitar music (off key with several re trys), stays way too long, eat all the snacks, and shit talks you to your friends/bf in your own home.
|
nta but you know that.
you framed the entire situation around how horribly he was acting and threw in that e has far right views. you were never going to get any other response.
hate the “i want validation” posts.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, my husband has this friend, i’ll call him alex. alex is one of those people that would bring a guitar to a house party and strum it nonstop. alex is also one of those people who insists on stopping games in the middle to start political debates, knowing that the rest of us don’t share his far right views. the rest of our friend group has also mentioned this, and for a while he wasn’t invited to game nights anymore. if you tell him alex, i want to play the game and not talk about this stuff, he’ll just start talking louder and trying to goad you by saying “you just can’t defend your side so you’re too afraid to talk about it.” anyway, one day, my husband had alex and another friend over, joe. they were working on a project out in the garage together. i was initially annoyed because he brought his puppy which was dumped on me to take care of. i have a huge dog that isn’t fond of new dogs in the house, but it was around 40°f outside so she couldn’t go out there with them. luckily i had my best friend over to help, but still. so while we were trying to appease my big dog and get this puppy to go to sleep, they start playing music put in the garage. nbd. when the pup finally goes to sleep, alex came inside to get something. i told him “your dog is asleep. don’t wake her, it’s finally peaceful in here.” and what does he do? comes over to pet her and mess with her. so i told him to take the puppy back to his truck and turn the heat on because i wasn’t going to spend my night keeping the peace when i wanted to spend it with my friend who doesn’t live anywhere near me. anyway, the music outside kept getting louder and louder, until i couldn’t hear the tv inside my living room, sitting less than ten feet away. i walked outside to the garage, and turn their speaker down a bit and said “it’s so loud that we can’t hear the tv”. alex responded with “well turn up your tv then.” i had a moment where i was too shocked to speak. so i unplugged the speaker and took it inside with me, telling him that it’s my house, not his. apparently after i left, he started talking about how annoying i was *to my husband* and that he thought i acted bitchy. my husband told me all of this later that night in bed and i asked what he said to alex. “nothing, really” i got angry with my husband, and told him that he should’ve stood up for me. we had a long talk where my husband apologized for staying quiet and worked that out between the two of us. the next day, i told my husband that alex was no longer welcome in our home. my husband said he thought that was taking it too far, so i compromised with “alex is only welcome in our home after you tell him that the way he acted was absolutely out of line, and you make it clear to him that at our house, talks about religion and politics after alcohol comes out are off limits.” so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, my husband has this friend, i’ll call him alex. alex is one of those people that would bring a guitar to a house party and strum it nonstop. alex is also one of those people who insists on stopping games in the middle to start political debates, knowing that the rest of us don’t share his far right views. the rest of our friend group has also mentioned this, and for a while he wasn’t invited to game nights anymore. if you tell him alex, i want to play the game and not talk about this stuff, he’ll just start talking louder and trying to goad you by saying “you just can’t defend your side so you’re too afraid to talk about it.” anyway, one day, my husband had alex and another friend over, joe. they were working on a project out in the garage together. i was initially annoyed because he brought his puppy which was dumped on me to take care of. i have a huge dog that isn’t fond of new dogs in the house, but it was around 40°f outside so she couldn’t go out there with them. luckily i had my best friend over to help, but still. so while we were trying to appease my big dog and get this puppy to go to sleep, they start playing music put in the garage. nbd. when the pup finally goes to sleep, alex came inside to get something. i told him “your dog is asleep. don’t wake her, it’s finally peaceful in here.” and what does he do? comes over to pet her and mess with her. so i told him to take the puppy back to his truck and turn the heat on because i wasn’t going to spend my night keeping the peace when i wanted to spend it with my friend who doesn’t live anywhere near me. anyway, the music outside kept getting louder and louder, until i couldn’t hear the tv inside my living room, sitting less than ten feet away. i walked outside to the garage, and turn their speaker down a bit and said “it’s so loud that we can’t hear the tv”. alex responded with “well turn up your tv then.” i had a moment where i was too shocked to speak. so i unplugged the speaker and took it inside with me, telling him that it’s my house, not his. apparently after i left, he started talking about how annoying i was *to my husband* and that he thought i acted bitchy. my husband told me all of this later that night in bed and i asked what he said to alex. “nothing, really” i got angry with my husband, and told him that he should’ve stood up for me. we had a long talk where my husband apologized for staying quiet and worked that out between the two of us. the next day, i told my husband that alex was no longer welcome in our home. my husband said he thought that was taking it too far, so i compromised with “alex is only welcome in our home after you tell him that the way he acted was absolutely out of line, and you make it clear to him that at our house, talks about religion and politics after alcohol comes out are off limits.” so aita? [/INST] nta. fucking alex man. i hate that dude. he’s not welcome in my house either. always trying to play “wonder wall” on his stupid guitar. and fucking it up, too, even though it’s super easy. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to cook meat when my husband broke our (lonely) daughter’s only friendship because he hates vegans?
|
obligatory throwaway because i don’t want angry vegans in my inbox.my husband is from the south and let me just say this, he hates vegans. his family is a stereotypical country one and they get ridiculously mad when they see beyond meat etc adverts on the tv. they’re practically vegan phobic and hate any menu which says suitable for vegetarians or vegans etc. this never really bothered me and i thought it was funny because i ate meat and i didnt think it was a big deal.
my daughter (now6) was born allergic to a lot of things, like eggs and is also intolerant to lactose and grass, pollen etc. she rarely got to go to birthday parties because we couldn’t let her eat anything there. when she was a baby my husband ate an egg sandwich and kissed her and she broke out in hives and we had to take her to the doctor. all new foods were tried under medical supervision.
while she can eat meat she can’t eat any fun meat like nuggets because of egg contact. one of the kids she recently met with is our new neighbour who is around four houses away. they are completely vegan and their son doesn’t eat anything they don’t. so at his birthday she could eat the actual cake and not a muffin i’d sent. it cheered her up and they had play dates even when we weren’t supposed to. i was glad she made a friend.
his parents hadn’t called for a while and didn’t pick up ours. when i saw his dad while i was out i was like ‘hey what’s wrong‘ and he was really hostile, telling me to never talk to him or his wife again and that he’d pray for my daughter. i thought that was crossing the line. he pulled his phone out and showed me a very rude text from my husband. i didn’t believe his story that my husband started a fight, but when i asked him about it he was proud that shelia wasn’t hanging out with hippies. i remembered the vegan hate and i was like until he apologized to that family and they agreed to let their kid play with ours i’d never cook meat again. he said i needed to get over it and do my job but i am cooking, just not what he would like. aita
| 26,147 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kajk15/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_meat_when_my_husband/
|
2020-12-10 17:23:38
|
nta and wha....
a spouse telling me to "do your job" in reference to a household chore would put me right on strike. i wouldn't stop cooking meat for the guy, i'd stop cooking for him. he sounds like an objectively horrible person to be so callous toward your daughter's friendship and so proud of picking a fight and insulting others.
of course, the fact that you thought this kind of hatred was just sort of funny until it impacted your child makes me wonder a little about you....
|
n t a, but i almost want to call you the asshole for staying with someone so nasty. your husband literally ruined your daughter's one friendship over something insanely petty, and your only way of dealing with that is not cooking him meat? that sounds like an insane underreaction to me.
esh because it's pretty clear op doesn't actually care much to ~~correct~~ deal with (poor word choice on correct) her husband's behavior and defends him at every turn.
|
esh except the vegan family and your daughter. i’ve read your comments and you make so many excuses for your husband. you excused his hate for vegans and his behavior until it personally impacted you. i wonder what else you excuse because it hasn’t personally impacted you. your husband is an ah for obvious reasons.
|
you don’t want angry vegans in your inbox, but you married into a family that gets “ridiculously mad” at tv adverts and they hate menus?! christ. i’ve never been that mad at either of those things. you’re nta but it’s worrying that your husband has put his own rage, stupidity and fragile masculinity ahead of his own daughters serious dietary restrictions
|
esh
you didn’t have a problem with your bully of a husband until your child had to suffer the consequences. you’re just as pathetic as he is.
|
nta, it's kinda, teensy bit petty, but so is being proud that you ruined your 6 year old kid's only safe friendship!!! wtf.
my son is ridiculously allergic to gluten. like i get that people think gluten-free diets are fads and to be mocked along the same sides as veganism but my kid would literally break out in hives if he put his arms on the desks at school when he was in kindergarten unless they got wiped down first. it's bad, and people think you are blowing it out of proportion or you're some new age freak instead of a parent who doesn't want their kid to have to use an epipen today. my wife, coincidentally enough is allergic to eggs, so we literally can't eat anywhere. when we find people willing to accommodate us and really understand us it's a godsend, and i can't believe someone would ruin that for you and your daughter, and that someone is your husband. the rules of this forum prohibit me from saying what i'd actually suggest you do to your husband, so i'm glad he's gotta be unintentionally vegan. i just worry if he's that obtuse you're putting yourself in harm's way when he doesn't get his way.
|
nta.
also: couples counseling is probably cheaper than divorce and it sounds like you need one or the other.
|
nta why are you still with him
|
well, you sound like a doormat for your sexist pig of a husband.
esh, except your daughter. your husband clearly sucks because of his attitudes towards everything. you suck for enabling his attitudes, and i kinda think the neighbor sucks a little too for banning a child from his house because of what the idiot father said. neighbor sucks the least. op, you suck the most for allowing shitty behavior for so long until it directly affected your child.
|
nta. your husband is not only an embarrassment, but a complete asshole. he went out of his way to antagonize his seemingly pleasant neighbors because of their diet and has no remorse for destroying your daughters only friendship.
your husbands "pride" of his hatred towards others is pathetic.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: obligatory throwaway because i don’t want angry vegans in my inbox.my husband is from the south and let me just say this, he hates vegans. his family is a stereotypical country one and they get ridiculously mad when they see beyond meat etc adverts on the tv. they’re practically vegan phobic and hate any menu which says suitable for vegetarians or vegans etc. this never really bothered me and i thought it was funny because i ate meat and i didnt think it was a big deal. my daughter (now6) was born allergic to a lot of things, like eggs and is also intolerant to lactose and grass, pollen etc. she rarely got to go to birthday parties because we couldn’t let her eat anything there. when she was a baby my husband ate an egg sandwich and kissed her and she broke out in hives and we had to take her to the doctor. all new foods were tried under medical supervision. while she can eat meat she can’t eat any fun meat like nuggets because of egg contact. one of the kids she recently met with is our new neighbour who is around four houses away. they are completely vegan and their son doesn’t eat anything they don’t. so at his birthday she could eat the actual cake and not a muffin i’d sent. it cheered her up and they had play dates even when we weren’t supposed to. i was glad she made a friend. his parents hadn’t called for a while and didn’t pick up ours. when i saw his dad while i was out i was like ‘hey what’s wrong‘ and he was really hostile, telling me to never talk to him or his wife again and that he’d pray for my daughter. i thought that was crossing the line. he pulled his phone out and showed me a very rude text from my husband. i didn’t believe his story that my husband started a fight, but when i asked him about it he was proud that shelia wasn’t hanging out with hippies. i remembered the vegan hate and i was like until he apologized to that family and they agreed to let their kid play with ours i’d never cook meat again. he said i needed to get over it and do my job but i am cooking, just not what he would like. aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
obligatory throwaway because i don’t want angry vegans in my inbox.my husband is from the south and let me just say this, he hates vegans. his family is a stereotypical country one and they get ridiculously mad when they see beyond meat etc adverts on the tv. they’re practically vegan phobic and hate any menu which says suitable for vegetarians or vegans etc. this never really bothered me and i thought it was funny because i ate meat and i didnt think it was a big deal. my daughter (now6) was born allergic to a lot of things, like eggs and is also intolerant to lactose and grass, pollen etc. she rarely got to go to birthday parties because we couldn’t let her eat anything there. when she was a baby my husband ate an egg sandwich and kissed her and she broke out in hives and we had to take her to the doctor. all new foods were tried under medical supervision. while she can eat meat she can’t eat any fun meat like nuggets because of egg contact. one of the kids she recently met with is our new neighbour who is around four houses away. they are completely vegan and their son doesn’t eat anything they don’t. so at his birthday she could eat the actual cake and not a muffin i’d sent. it cheered her up and they had play dates even when we weren’t supposed to. i was glad she made a friend. his parents hadn’t called for a while and didn’t pick up ours. when i saw his dad while i was out i was like ‘hey what’s wrong‘ and he was really hostile, telling me to never talk to him or his wife again and that he’d pray for my daughter. i thought that was crossing the line. he pulled his phone out and showed me a very rude text from my husband. i didn’t believe his story that my husband started a fight, but when i asked him about it he was proud that shelia wasn’t hanging out with hippies. i remembered the vegan hate and i was like until he apologized to that family and they agreed to let their kid play with ours i’d never cook meat again. he said i needed to get over it and do my job but i am cooking, just not what he would like. aita [/INST] nta and wha.... a spouse telling me to "do your job" in reference to a household chore would put me right on strike. i wouldn't stop cooking meat for the guy, i'd stop cooking for him. he sounds like an objectively horrible person to be so callous toward your daughter's friendship and so proud of picking a fight and insulting others. of course, the fact that you thought this kind of hatred was just sort of funny until it impacted your child makes me wonder a little about you.... </s>
|
AITA? Suing my neighbor after she sprayed weedicide on my lawn
|
caught my neighbor spraying weedicide on my lawn (in my fenced in backyard) because she said “she was sick of all the weeds” and thought she was doing me a solid.
1. i like dandelions they are good for the bees
2. i have pet rabbits, dogs, cats, and a tortoise i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it’s literally poisoning my pets.
so anyway, i kick her the fuck out and take all my pets inside.
now 2 of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition. i’ll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because weedicide takes forever to go away because it can sit in the soil for who knows how long and im worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass (call me overprotective or over cautious idc i love my animals)
so i’m suing her for: damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals, veterinary bills, and emotional damage due to the deaths of my two rabbits.
i’m also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill-intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass.
she’s a karen. i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all; and especially because it’s killed my pets and now idk what to do about my lawn because i’m not risking another animal’s life by letting them out (at least unsupervised for at least a year. however my parents and my girlfriend think i’m being unnecessarily cruel because it “was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor, and that im making it to be a bigger deal than it is” and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills
| 26,119 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkyfn9/aita_suing_my_neighbor_after_she_sprayed/
|
2020-05-16 17:22:12
|
nta. even without all of your reasoning it's illegal for her to do that. period. i'm sorry that it did in fact result in damages. hopefully you will get compensated for it. good luck. you're totally justified in suing her.
|
nta. my neighbor did this last year and got reported to the hoa because the yard she sprayed (under the cover of darkness, so she knew it was wrong) belongs to a family with very young children.
i’m sorry about your rabbits and you need to know that it’s not your fault and you are a good owner.
|
nta, don't trespass, don't mess with peoples property, if you want to do something "nice" ask permission.
idk if removing your toplayer and putting turf down would make it safe for pets again but if so she should pay for that
|
nta
>“was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor
spraying substances on *other people's* property without their permission is not being a "good neighbor" by **any** stretch of reason.
i'm so sorry about your rabbits.
|
nta. so sorry for your loss! losing a family member should be enough to convince any human with a heart to support you!
|
omg, nta! i am so sorry for your losses! i would be out for blood.
|
nta at all. she killed your pets. take her to the cleaners.
|
nta she should have asked you first and talked to you about it. loosing pets is bad rnough, knowing someone directly caused their death is worse. she also traspassed on your property. by a long shot nta you need to add trespassing and gather all the proof you can. not to mention vet bills are expensive as f. i hope you can sue her.
|
nta also consider posting this to r/legaladvice they might be able to give you more insight. i’m sorry for your losses. that’s just awful.
|
nta, her breaking into your lawn was not an accident. even if she could have never anticipated the results, she's still liable for the results of her own bad choices, particularly when they're so harmful.
i'm really sorry to hear about your rabbits -- i know it won't make up for anything, but i hope you can get all the damages you're suing for.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: caught my neighbor spraying weedicide on my lawn (in my fenced in backyard) because she said “she was sick of all the weeds” and thought she was doing me a solid. 1. i like dandelions they are good for the bees 2. i have pet rabbits, dogs, cats, and a tortoise i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it’s literally poisoning my pets. so anyway, i kick her the fuck out and take all my pets inside. now 2 of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition. i’ll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because weedicide takes forever to go away because it can sit in the soil for who knows how long and im worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass (call me overprotective or over cautious idc i love my animals) so i’m suing her for: damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals, veterinary bills, and emotional damage due to the deaths of my two rabbits. i’m also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill-intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass. she’s a karen. i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all; and especially because it’s killed my pets and now idk what to do about my lawn because i’m not risking another animal’s life by letting them out (at least unsupervised for at least a year. however my parents and my girlfriend think i’m being unnecessarily cruel because it “was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor, and that im making it to be a bigger deal than it is” and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
caught my neighbor spraying weedicide on my lawn (in my fenced in backyard) because she said “she was sick of all the weeds” and thought she was doing me a solid. 1. i like dandelions they are good for the bees 2. i have pet rabbits, dogs, cats, and a tortoise i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it’s literally poisoning my pets. so anyway, i kick her the fuck out and take all my pets inside. now 2 of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition. i’ll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because weedicide takes forever to go away because it can sit in the soil for who knows how long and im worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass (call me overprotective or over cautious idc i love my animals) so i’m suing her for: damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals, veterinary bills, and emotional damage due to the deaths of my two rabbits. i’m also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill-intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass. she’s a karen. i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all; and especially because it’s killed my pets and now idk what to do about my lawn because i’m not risking another animal’s life by letting them out (at least unsupervised for at least a year. however my parents and my girlfriend think i’m being unnecessarily cruel because it “was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor, and that im making it to be a bigger deal than it is” and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills [/INST] nta. even without all of your reasoning it's illegal for her to do that. period. i'm sorry that it did in fact result in damages. hopefully you will get compensated for it. good luck. you're totally justified in suing her. </s>
|
AITA for pressing charges?
|
my cousin turned 18 recently. she’s in high school.
she doesn’t have a car, and during her birthday weekend, thought her parents were going to buy her one. they didn’t get her one and she was pretty upset. i should note that i’m not very close with my cousin. or the rest of my extended family for that matter. i only heard about this through the grapevine from my dad. anyway
my cousin texts me on the friday before her birthday asking if she can take my car (i just leased a new ford escape) to the mall and then for an out of town road trip with her friends over the weekend. i tell her no.
she begs and pleads with me. i tell her no again. my car is for me to drive and for me only. if she wants her own car she can save up and buy one. she calls me a bitch and says that i ruined her birthday and that she’s embarrassed because her friends think she got a car for her birthday and she doesn’t have one. i don’t respond to her and think nothing of it.
the weekend comes and i sleep in very late on that saturday, waking up at 1:00 pm (don’t judge lol). even though my car is parked in my driveway and my gate is closed, i come to realize that someone egged and tp’d my car. with many, many eggs and 5-6 rolls of tp. and since the weather was warm outside, the raw egg baked into my car, along with the dried up toilet paper, destroying the paint.
since i have security cameras around my house, i decide to go back and watch. at around nine thirtyish that morning, i see my cousin and a bunch of her stupid friends vandalizing my car. i’m surprise she didn’t smash the windows and poke holes in the tires too.
to save my post from the 3000 character limit, i obviously pressed charges and my cousin is in legal trouble. her and her parents are pissed off at me for pressing charges, her parents telling me that she’s “just a kid” and that she’s been through a lot of ‘emotional stress’ doing virtual schooling for this past year and that i should take that into consideration, and that i should be ashamed of myself for pressing legal charges against my baby cousin, that i’m almost 30 and dont i remember what i was like at that age? (i do remember, and i wasn’t stupid enough to egg anyone’s car) and can’t she work something out with me like doing chores around my house for money if i drop the charges... that she’s young, that she doesn’t need a felony on her record, etc. and that it was just a prank. right after i press charges, my cousin was calling and texting me over and over saying that this could’ve been avoided had i let her take my car.
am i the asshole in this situation?
i need to add that my cousin already has a felony on her record, a dui. she’s not remorseful of anything.
also, my aunt and uncle will not pay me for the damages. they just want me to drop the charges and pay for everything myself like nothing happened. they are cheap.
| 26,063 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jn5elo/aita_for_pressing_charges/
|
2020-11-03 06:26:22
|
nta. sure, you could have spoken with them first before pressing charges, but that last sentence was very telling. that she would text you and basically retroactively threaten you to let her take the car or she’d vandalize it says a lot about her character, and she’d probably have charges pressed against her at some point in the future anyway. hopefully she learns a lesson to avoid that happening again. also, chores around the house to make up for it? it’s called community service ordered by the judge.
|
nta please update us as well, i wanna hear her suffering the consequences of her actions.
|
nta
i was "just a kid" once and didn't egg anything.
also, ruined paint on a vehicle isn't something one works off with chores. it's something one gets a job and pays for with money.
|
nta. your cousin is a gaping asshole for blaming you, and her parents are assholes for enabling her bs. press charges and make her pay for the damage.
|
nta she's 18 and is an adult.
if she's going to act like that she can deal with the consequences.
|
she lied to her friends, refused to accept no for an answer, trespassed and committed vandalism and property damage.....and you are the asshole??..... i'm trying desperately to understand that leap..... anyone else??
|
nta. she's not "just a kid". she's old enough to understand action = consequences.
|
nta. she decided to do something criminal because you said “no” and her parents are trying to enable her. her excuse is... well if you didn’t say no i wouldn’t have done it? no. you are not to blame for this.
|
nta - and the fact that she's *blaming you* because you refused to lend her the car says that her parents have been running interference for her entitled behavior for too long.
she's 18, she's a legal adult - play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
|
nta. and with how enabling her parents are, i am genuinely surprised they didn’t get her a car.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my cousin turned 18 recently. she’s in high school. she doesn’t have a car, and during her birthday weekend, thought her parents were going to buy her one. they didn’t get her one and she was pretty upset. i should note that i’m not very close with my cousin. or the rest of my extended family for that matter. i only heard about this through the grapevine from my dad. anyway my cousin texts me on the friday before her birthday asking if she can take my car (i just leased a new ford escape) to the mall and then for an out of town road trip with her friends over the weekend. i tell her no. she begs and pleads with me. i tell her no again. my car is for me to drive and for me only. if she wants her own car she can save up and buy one. she calls me a bitch and says that i ruined her birthday and that she’s embarrassed because her friends think she got a car for her birthday and she doesn’t have one. i don’t respond to her and think nothing of it. the weekend comes and i sleep in very late on that saturday, waking up at 1:00 pm (don’t judge lol). even though my car is parked in my driveway and my gate is closed, i come to realize that someone egged and tp’d my car. with many, many eggs and 5-6 rolls of tp. and since the weather was warm outside, the raw egg baked into my car, along with the dried up toilet paper, destroying the paint. since i have security cameras around my house, i decide to go back and watch. at around nine thirtyish that morning, i see my cousin and a bunch of her stupid friends vandalizing my car. i’m surprise she didn’t smash the windows and poke holes in the tires too. to save my post from the 3000 character limit, i obviously pressed charges and my cousin is in legal trouble. her and her parents are pissed off at me for pressing charges, her parents telling me that she’s “just a kid” and that she’s been through a lot of ‘emotional stress’ doing virtual schooling for this past year and that i should take that into consideration, and that i should be ashamed of myself for pressing legal charges against my baby cousin, that i’m almost 30 and dont i remember what i was like at that age? (i do remember, and i wasn’t stupid enough to egg anyone’s car) and can’t she work something out with me like doing chores around my house for money if i drop the charges... that she’s young, that she doesn’t need a felony on her record, etc. and that it was just a prank. right after i press charges, my cousin was calling and texting me over and over saying that this could’ve been avoided had i let her take my car. am i the asshole in this situation? i need to add that my cousin already has a felony on her record, a dui. she’s not remorseful of anything. also, my aunt and uncle will not pay me for the damages. they just want me to drop the charges and pay for everything myself like nothing happened. they are cheap.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my cousin turned 18 recently. she’s in high school. she doesn’t have a car, and during her birthday weekend, thought her parents were going to buy her one. they didn’t get her one and she was pretty upset. i should note that i’m not very close with my cousin. or the rest of my extended family for that matter. i only heard about this through the grapevine from my dad. anyway my cousin texts me on the friday before her birthday asking if she can take my car (i just leased a new ford escape) to the mall and then for an out of town road trip with her friends over the weekend. i tell her no. she begs and pleads with me. i tell her no again. my car is for me to drive and for me only. if she wants her own car she can save up and buy one. she calls me a bitch and says that i ruined her birthday and that she’s embarrassed because her friends think she got a car for her birthday and she doesn’t have one. i don’t respond to her and think nothing of it. the weekend comes and i sleep in very late on that saturday, waking up at 1:00 pm (don’t judge lol). even though my car is parked in my driveway and my gate is closed, i come to realize that someone egged and tp’d my car. with many, many eggs and 5-6 rolls of tp. and since the weather was warm outside, the raw egg baked into my car, along with the dried up toilet paper, destroying the paint. since i have security cameras around my house, i decide to go back and watch. at around nine thirtyish that morning, i see my cousin and a bunch of her stupid friends vandalizing my car. i’m surprise she didn’t smash the windows and poke holes in the tires too. to save my post from the 3000 character limit, i obviously pressed charges and my cousin is in legal trouble. her and her parents are pissed off at me for pressing charges, her parents telling me that she’s “just a kid” and that she’s been through a lot of ‘emotional stress’ doing virtual schooling for this past year and that i should take that into consideration, and that i should be ashamed of myself for pressing legal charges against my baby cousin, that i’m almost 30 and dont i remember what i was like at that age? (i do remember, and i wasn’t stupid enough to egg anyone’s car) and can’t she work something out with me like doing chores around my house for money if i drop the charges... that she’s young, that she doesn’t need a felony on her record, etc. and that it was just a prank. right after i press charges, my cousin was calling and texting me over and over saying that this could’ve been avoided had i let her take my car. am i the asshole in this situation? i need to add that my cousin already has a felony on her record, a dui. she’s not remorseful of anything. also, my aunt and uncle will not pay me for the damages. they just want me to drop the charges and pay for everything myself like nothing happened. they are cheap. [/INST] nta. sure, you could have spoken with them first before pressing charges, but that last sentence was very telling. that she would text you and basically retroactively threaten you to let her take the car or she’d vandalize it says a lot about her character, and she’d probably have charges pressed against her at some point in the future anyway. hopefully she learns a lesson to avoid that happening again. also, chores around the house to make up for it? it’s called community service ordered by the judge. </s>
|
AITA for DEMANDING my SIL replace the expensive fabric she and her children DESTROYED with EQUAL fabric?
|
i am steaming mad about this and everyone around me is pretending like i'm being a cunt. i'll let you people decide. first, i sew my own clothes. my husband and i live in a very nice house with a huge room filled with gorgeous sunlight for my hobbies.
we hosted thanksgiving. my sil and her three kids were staying with us, despite that she always treats me like shit for preferring pets over kids.
on tuesday, as i went to do some last-minute shopping, my sil texted about a tablecloth for her kids to put down while they did christmas ornaments. i walked her through the closet with the very. clearly. marked. tablecloths.
i got home 3 hours later and checked in on everyone. when i went into the hobby room where everyone was gathered, i saw it. she pulled my fucking atelier brunette fabric from the closet. marked. fabric. this particular style was discontinued several years ago, but i snagged for $25/yard. i had 6 yards. let me note that fabric is expensive and i have always sourced from thrift stores, deep clearance, etc. this was a gift to myself.
i fucking screamed "what the hell are you doing?!" and ran to the table. she looked alarmed and acted like she had no idea what she'd done. her fucking kids spilled all kinds of paint all over the fabric. i told everyone to stop, put down the crafts, and get out.
after i fucking cried over that fabric and tried my best to salvage it, i demanded she replace it, and said how. she argued that she had no way of knowing that "ugly ass" fabric was for something other than a tablecloth, because it didn't look like anything anyone would ever wear seriously. i said i expected 6 yards.
black friday she and the girls handed me a joann fabric bag. they handed me 6 yards of an absolutely hideous keepsake calico fabric. typically $9.99/yard but on sale for $3.99 this weekend.
i asked her if she was being serious, and she said yes, here's 6 yards of ugly ass fabric. i deadpanned "get the fuck out of my house. now." and she got very angry and started arguing with me that it's not her fault that i have expensive taste. i told her to leave, now, and not to come back unless she has equal. quality. fabric.
of course i'm being told what an awful, evil person i am because i wouldn't "graciously" accept her insult of shit quality quilting cotton. for those who don't know fabric, this was like presenting someone with a 2001 honda civic after crashing their 2020 maserati.
aita?
**edited at the request of a poster:** to be very clear, sil had to go *far* out of her way from where i directed her to grab the fabric. it was not even kept in the same room, let alone closet, as the tablecloths which were clearly marked. there was no reason for her to be in the fabric closet. the was not an "honest mistake" by any stretch of the phrase. when we were on the phone, i directed her specifically to the linen closet. she had to deliberately go out of her way to grab the fabric.
**second
| 26,046 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e4nn5v/aita_for_demanding_my_sil_replace_the_expensive/
|
2019-12-01 21:00:27
|
nta and please ignore the people telling you that's you're overreacting or seem crazy. if this post was about someone destroying someone's video games or other nerd crap there would be no question. destroying your personal belongings is never excusable under any circumstances.
|
nta. balenciaga makes some ugly ass shit. just because something is "ugly" doesn't mean it's cheap.
so let me make sure i understand: she destroyed $150 worth of fabric (maybe more if it's been discontinued) and tried to replace it with $24? okay, as long as she has included a $126 gift card to joann fabrics. otherwise she is for sure ta.
|
nta you texted her the location of the tablecloths so she had no right going through your home to the area where you have your fabric stored. it was an absolute intentional invasion of property to take an item from a cabinet clearly marked “fabric” and pretend it was innocently mistaken as a tablecloth. the replacement fabric was just another slap in the face.
|
nta - she went out of her way to get that fabric. or it was a mistake. but there's a difference between a cut of fabric 18 ft long, and a tablecloth which would probably be 5ft - 6ft.
and even if this was a mistake - as soon as i realised my mistake, and your upset i would have apologised and apologised! the fact she didn't handle it like that is horrid
|
nta. everyone else has said their piece about replacement, so i'll say this:
check and make sure that all of your valuables, jewelry, important papers, etc. are all accounted for. your sil was so far out of place that she had no reason to be looking around in your bedroom *unless* she was looking for something else first. it certainly doesn't take an aerospace engineer to realize that most people don't keep tablecloths in their **bedroom** closet.
at best, your sil was being a snooping asshole. at worst, well...
|
y-t-a for keeping your valuables in an entirely separate and private part of your house op. maybe if you don't want to be held responsible for other people stealing and breaking your belongings, you should purchase a storage unit in a neighboring state. /s
seriously? nta. if this story were about a graphics card, everyone would be on your side. some of the people in this thread need to get out of their moms' basements for once.
|
nta
it doesn’t matter what the object was worth, how expensive, how much of an accident it was. someone ruins something of yours they are obligated to repay the cost of the item in full. it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t know, it doesn’t matter what she thinks. this is her fault for not paying attention to the labeling.
if someone destroyed my $2k graphics tablet i would not accept a $100 replacement. i would expect the exact brand and model or cash for however much that exact brand and model is running.
|
[deleted]
|
nta it's not money you lost it's time you spent looking through specialty shops to find this. you can't just hop on amazon and order a new "action comics #1" nor can you do that with this. you went from 0 to 60 pretty quick, but they wasted your fancy shit when you told them what to use. asking for a replacement isn't out of line. you protected your nice things as well as anyone could expect and the argument "i didn't understand it's value" doesn't hold any water either. i don't know shit about wine but if i'm asking for a bottle to cook with, and you point me to one, and i pick a different one from a different room all together, yea i'm the asshole.
|
honestly esh solely because you all sound exhausting af
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am steaming mad about this and everyone around me is pretending like i'm being a cunt. i'll let you people decide. first, i sew my own clothes. my husband and i live in a very nice house with a huge room filled with gorgeous sunlight for my hobbies. we hosted thanksgiving. my sil and her three kids were staying with us, despite that she always treats me like shit for preferring pets over kids. on tuesday, as i went to do some last-minute shopping, my sil texted about a tablecloth for her kids to put down while they did christmas ornaments. i walked her through the closet with the very. clearly. marked. tablecloths. i got home 3 hours later and checked in on everyone. when i went into the hobby room where everyone was gathered, i saw it. she pulled my fucking atelier brunette fabric from the closet. marked. fabric. this particular style was discontinued several years ago, but i snagged for $25/yard. i had 6 yards. let me note that fabric is expensive and i have always sourced from thrift stores, deep clearance, etc. this was a gift to myself. i fucking screamed "what the hell are you doing?!" and ran to the table. she looked alarmed and acted like she had no idea what she'd done. her fucking kids spilled all kinds of paint all over the fabric. i told everyone to stop, put down the crafts, and get out. after i fucking cried over that fabric and tried my best to salvage it, i demanded she replace it, and said how. she argued that she had no way of knowing that "ugly ass" fabric was for something other than a tablecloth, because it didn't look like anything anyone would ever wear seriously. i said i expected 6 yards. black friday she and the girls handed me a joann fabric bag. they handed me 6 yards of an absolutely hideous keepsake calico fabric. typically $9.99/yard but on sale for $3.99 this weekend. i asked her if she was being serious, and she said yes, here's 6 yards of ugly ass fabric. i deadpanned "get the fuck out of my house. now." and she got very angry and started arguing with me that it's not her fault that i have expensive taste. i told her to leave, now, and not to come back unless she has equal. quality. fabric. of course i'm being told what an awful, evil person i am because i wouldn't "graciously" accept her insult of shit quality quilting cotton. for those who don't know fabric, this was like presenting someone with a 2001 honda civic after crashing their 2020 maserati. aita? **edited at the request of a poster:** to be very clear, sil had to go *far* out of her way from where i directed her to grab the fabric. it was not even kept in the same room, let alone closet, as the tablecloths which were clearly marked. there was no reason for her to be in the fabric closet. the was not an "honest mistake" by any stretch of the phrase. when we were on the phone, i directed her specifically to the linen closet. she had to deliberately go out of her way to grab the fabric. **second
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am steaming mad about this and everyone around me is pretending like i'm being a cunt. i'll let you people decide. first, i sew my own clothes. my husband and i live in a very nice house with a huge room filled with gorgeous sunlight for my hobbies. we hosted thanksgiving. my sil and her three kids were staying with us, despite that she always treats me like shit for preferring pets over kids. on tuesday, as i went to do some last-minute shopping, my sil texted about a tablecloth for her kids to put down while they did christmas ornaments. i walked her through the closet with the very. clearly. marked. tablecloths. i got home 3 hours later and checked in on everyone. when i went into the hobby room where everyone was gathered, i saw it. she pulled my fucking atelier brunette fabric from the closet. marked. fabric. this particular style was discontinued several years ago, but i snagged for $25/yard. i had 6 yards. let me note that fabric is expensive and i have always sourced from thrift stores, deep clearance, etc. this was a gift to myself. i fucking screamed "what the hell are you doing?!" and ran to the table. she looked alarmed and acted like she had no idea what she'd done. her fucking kids spilled all kinds of paint all over the fabric. i told everyone to stop, put down the crafts, and get out. after i fucking cried over that fabric and tried my best to salvage it, i demanded she replace it, and said how. she argued that she had no way of knowing that "ugly ass" fabric was for something other than a tablecloth, because it didn't look like anything anyone would ever wear seriously. i said i expected 6 yards. black friday she and the girls handed me a joann fabric bag. they handed me 6 yards of an absolutely hideous keepsake calico fabric. typically $9.99/yard but on sale for $3.99 this weekend. i asked her if she was being serious, and she said yes, here's 6 yards of ugly ass fabric. i deadpanned "get the fuck out of my house. now." and she got very angry and started arguing with me that it's not her fault that i have expensive taste. i told her to leave, now, and not to come back unless she has equal. quality. fabric. of course i'm being told what an awful, evil person i am because i wouldn't "graciously" accept her insult of shit quality quilting cotton. for those who don't know fabric, this was like presenting someone with a 2001 honda civic after crashing their 2020 maserati. aita? **edited at the request of a poster:** to be very clear, sil had to go *far* out of her way from where i directed her to grab the fabric. it was not even kept in the same room, let alone closet, as the tablecloths which were clearly marked. there was no reason for her to be in the fabric closet. the was not an "honest mistake" by any stretch of the phrase. when we were on the phone, i directed her specifically to the linen closet. she had to deliberately go out of her way to grab the fabric. **second [/INST] nta and please ignore the people telling you that's you're overreacting or seem crazy. if this post was about someone destroying someone's video games or other nerd crap there would be no question. destroying your personal belongings is never excusable under any circumstances. </s>
|
AITA for reporting my teacher over a very uncomfortable joke?
|
i (f20) have been in a bakery course since september and every wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class. the teacher (m50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. he'd been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny.
last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke. i approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. he showed me the video and skips through it. it was a lesbian orgy porn. i got super uncomfortable and froze. i couldn't do anything but chuckle in shock. i laughed it off, didn't say anything about it and went back to what i was doing. i know i should've said something then but i just couldn't.
it's been making me lose sleep since last week. i feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted.
so today i decided to call someone at school who i trust. i told her what happened and that i wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where i tell him that he crossed a boundary. but she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started.
now he's gonna get in trouble because of me, even though i wanted to give him a warning first.
aita for reporting my teacher over a joke?
| 26,038 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwh6qk/aita_for_reporting_my_teacher_over_a_very/
|
2020-06-04 13:12:38
|
nta. a 50 year old man knows that showing his student porn is not a joke. he wants you to think it’s a joke so you’ll doubt yourself like you’re doing now. you’re not getting him in trouble, he’s getting himself in trouble.
|
nta. this isn't a joke, this is sexual harassment. please report him.
|
nta
an uncomfortable joke would be this: the teacher watching you knead some dough and then saying “i think your buns are going to be beautiful,” realising what he’s said, laughing and then apologising for laughing. that’s an uncomfortable joke.
showing you hardcore porn is so far past an uncomfortable joke that they’re not even in the same league. see that very fuzzy dark thing in the distance? that’s the line he crossed. this is outright harassment and he should be fired for it.
your teacher isn’t an asshole. he’s a criminal. this is a crime.
|
nta. he's been testing the females all year if he's been making sexual jokes. it's grooming behavior, trying to make himself seem less threatening (it's just a "joke"). he absolutely knows better. and reporting him was the right thing to do.
|
nta. sexual abusers “laugh off” their actions as “jokes”, make you feel like you’re the one who over-reacted, and continue this behavior over and over.
the saddest part of this is his pattern of behavior is probably long-standing, and even if they investigate and fire him, he probably won’t face criminal charges of any kind, so he will continue the behavior someplace else.
never, ever just accept that someone is “weird” or awkward if you feel uncomfortable with their behavior. you don’t have to be polite to keep from hurting their feelings. it’s not a requirement that you put yourself in harm’s way to keep someone else from feeling bad about their actions.
|
nta. i tensed up reading your experience that day. jeez, for a teacher to think that that's appropriate even in the slightest makes me sick.
|
nta. this isn't a joke. this is way over the line into sexual harassment.
|
this is classic grooming. put a toe over the line, then another one, pretend it's just a joke. when nothing happens step right over the line.
i assume he knows you're autistic? if he does he's probably calculating that you won't be believed, or won't understand what he's doing, which shows his ignorance.
your friend is quite correct to go to his boss or higher. the institution can't afford to ignore what he's doing.
|
nta. he's not getting in trouble because of you, but because of his actions. if he gets fired, it wouldn't be because of you but because the school deemed that his conduct is unacceptable and is so out of line he doesn't even deserve a second chance. if that's the case, they won't fire him on your words alone, but because the investigation will show how awfully he has acted in the past.
he's behavior was appalling, totally out of bounds. i guess there's a possibility he didn't realize how unprofessional and inappropriate he has been acting, but it's way more likely he's consciously taking advantage of the fact that you're his students to "joke" in that way. he's getting a kick out of it, and has probably done to others before.
he deserves to be fired, you deserve to have a teacher who won't think of porn while teaching you, as do all the other female students. if you still struggle with this incident or the impact you reporting might have on him, please seek help for this, you don't deserve to suffer more because of this vile man.
|
nta! that's beyond disgusting & i'm so sorry that happened to you.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f20) have been in a bakery course since september and every wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class. the teacher (m50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. he'd been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny. last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke. i approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. he showed me the video and skips through it. it was a lesbian orgy porn. i got super uncomfortable and froze. i couldn't do anything but chuckle in shock. i laughed it off, didn't say anything about it and went back to what i was doing. i know i should've said something then but i just couldn't. it's been making me lose sleep since last week. i feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted. so today i decided to call someone at school who i trust. i told her what happened and that i wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where i tell him that he crossed a boundary. but she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started. now he's gonna get in trouble because of me, even though i wanted to give him a warning first. aita for reporting my teacher over a joke?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f20) have been in a bakery course since september and every wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class. the teacher (m50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. he'd been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny. last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke. i approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. he showed me the video and skips through it. it was a lesbian orgy porn. i got super uncomfortable and froze. i couldn't do anything but chuckle in shock. i laughed it off, didn't say anything about it and went back to what i was doing. i know i should've said something then but i just couldn't. it's been making me lose sleep since last week. i feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted. so today i decided to call someone at school who i trust. i told her what happened and that i wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where i tell him that he crossed a boundary. but she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started. now he's gonna get in trouble because of me, even though i wanted to give him a warning first. aita for reporting my teacher over a joke? [/INST] nta. a 50 year old man knows that showing his student porn is not a joke. he wants you to think it’s a joke so you’ll doubt yourself like you’re doing now. you’re not getting him in trouble, he’s getting himself in trouble. </s>
|
AITA for blowing up on my husband infront of his family during N.Y.E celebration after he joked about my birth experience?
|
throwaway because i feel so embarrassed.
i f25 gave birth to my daughter weeks ago, my experience was pretty traumatic and since it was my first, i had no clue what to expect. forgive me for the vague details for privacy but i'll mention all the relevent stuff, i promise.
when i went into labor i had the most difficult time of my life, i was in pain for hours. my mom was with me but she had to go and my husband was with me the entire time. i did something so embarrasing in the delivery room, i pooped myself which was unexpected and just...i don't know but it was embarrassing and although my medical team were very professional about it, my husband couldn't help himself and started laughing about it later and even telling my family about it but they didn't react, just didn't find it funny and neither did i, in fact, i found it embarrassing and i already told him to stop bringing it up especially when he started joking about getting me diapers for my "opsies!!". it got really tiring and chipped away from my selfesteem and confidence.
we were with his parents celebrating new year's eve together when i excused myself to the bathroom. while i was getting up he made a quick remark and said "oh yeah, you should go quickly because we don't want any accidents just like the one we had at the hospital, you know what i mean?" while blinking at me. his family actually laughed and bil commented "good one!". i was astonished and so angry and ashamed, i literally just lost it on him and yelled at the top of my lungs calling him a cruel insensitive jerk to be using the difficult experience of birthing his child as a joking matter and humiliating me infront of everybody. he was shocked, staring back at me and not saying a word. all went silent and i just stormed off to the bathroom til we left and that was when he snapped saying i messed up by talking to him like that infront of his family during dinner, i said i couldn't hold my tongue for that long and after he kept joking about an embarrassing thing when i told him to stop. he said he was just joking and i went overboard with my reaction and also, i should've sucked it up and waited til we got home so we could address this privately and i could even yell at him as long as i wanted. we argued about it after we got home and he kept saying i humiliated him infront of his family during the celebratory evening by being petty and trying to one up him... he even said i should've laughed along not fly off the handle liks that.
did i overreact?.
| 25,993 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ru7yin/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_husband_infront_of_his/
|
2022-01-02 11:38:23
|
nta. what a cruel and immature joke to make, ask him to push a watermelon out his dick and see if he can do it without any “embarrassing accidents”. if you had addressed this in private he would’ve said the same thing: you’re emotional and overreacting. he did it in front of his parents and family to corner you. this behavior needs to get nipped asap
women release bowels during labor all the time, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
|
nta what the hell? so he can humiliate you by “joking” in front of his entire family about a deeply private, personal and traumatic experience that you have already asked him to stop making remarks about, but if you call him out on it in front of those same people, somehow you’re at fault. his idea of “not embarrassing him” is pretending your feelings don’t exist even when he deliberately embarrassed you, just so he doesn’t have to lose face by being held accountable for his crappy treatment of you.
absolutely the fuck not. he is one billion per cent in the wrong, and the fact that he thinks he can ignore your feelings about this entire situation because he’s “just joking” is ridiculous and pathetic. what is he, 12 years old? he’s supposed to be a husband to you and a father to the child that you brought into the world - if this is the best he can do, he already sucks at both. the lack of consideration be shows for your feelings is astonishing. you owe him not one single scrap of an apology: if he doesn’t want you to yell at him in front of other people, he shouldn’t deliberately humiliate you in front of them. all of this is on him. feel free to show him this so he knows that he sucks a whole field of dicks in this situation and owes you a massive, grovelling apology.
and congratulations on your baby!!
|
[removed]
|
nta. pooping during labour is natural and expected by the doctors/midwives, that’s why they don’t bat an eyelid when it happens.
your husband is definitely ta and needs to grow the hell up and understand that you and your body have been through a traumatic experience. he should be supporting you, not bringing you down. you need to tell him that he’s acting like an immature child who is fascinated by poop!
|
not the asshole. start telling everyone about his erectile dysfunction, see how he likes it. there’s no excuse for ridiculing your spouse like this, especially just after giving birth and the associated trauma. being mean isn’t funny, he needs to grow the f up.
|
nta. you absolutely did not overreact. your husband is an idiot. an insensitive, immature one. most women i know pooped themselves during birth. your husband needs to grow up.
|
[removed]
|
nta
you know if there's one thing i really, really loathe, it's that shocked pikachu face that some people do when you've been calmly and reasonably setting your boundaries and asking them to stop and they ignore it and keep poking at you, and you finally snap. and they have the gall to look so affronted. like how are you surprised, buddy.
it's infuriating. and as is typical, your husband then gets even more outrageous by reversing victim and offender. you shouldn't say anything about his bs in front of others but he can joke about your rough brith?? come *onnnn.*
|
first i just want to say, i get pooping during delivery can be embarrassing, but you’re not the first mom to do it and won’t be the last. i peed on my doctor because baby wouldn’t let the catheter through.
second, nta. you’ve asked him repeatedly to stop making a joke about it and he can’t. and frankly i would have been screaming that at him in front of his family so they really know how much of a dick he is. he’s humiliated because they know how insensitive he is being to you, not your problem.
|
it's only a joke if the person targeted laughs. otherwise it is bullying.
you asked him to stop, he did not respect that.
you asked him not to bring it up, he has appearantly already done so to his family at least once since they understood the joke.
why are his feeling of wanting to be funny more important than your feeling of human diginity?
seriously, most woman either pee or poop during child birth. you're a little busy at that point in time, y'know?! does he laugh when he is doing diapers too?
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because i feel so embarrassed. i f25 gave birth to my daughter weeks ago, my experience was pretty traumatic and since it was my first, i had no clue what to expect. forgive me for the vague details for privacy but i'll mention all the relevent stuff, i promise. when i went into labor i had the most difficult time of my life, i was in pain for hours. my mom was with me but she had to go and my husband was with me the entire time. i did something so embarrasing in the delivery room, i pooped myself which was unexpected and just...i don't know but it was embarrassing and although my medical team were very professional about it, my husband couldn't help himself and started laughing about it later and even telling my family about it but they didn't react, just didn't find it funny and neither did i, in fact, i found it embarrassing and i already told him to stop bringing it up especially when he started joking about getting me diapers for my "opsies!!". it got really tiring and chipped away from my selfesteem and confidence. we were with his parents celebrating new year's eve together when i excused myself to the bathroom. while i was getting up he made a quick remark and said "oh yeah, you should go quickly because we don't want any accidents just like the one we had at the hospital, you know what i mean?" while blinking at me. his family actually laughed and bil commented "good one!". i was astonished and so angry and ashamed, i literally just lost it on him and yelled at the top of my lungs calling him a cruel insensitive jerk to be using the difficult experience of birthing his child as a joking matter and humiliating me infront of everybody. he was shocked, staring back at me and not saying a word. all went silent and i just stormed off to the bathroom til we left and that was when he snapped saying i messed up by talking to him like that infront of his family during dinner, i said i couldn't hold my tongue for that long and after he kept joking about an embarrassing thing when i told him to stop. he said he was just joking and i went overboard with my reaction and also, i should've sucked it up and waited til we got home so we could address this privately and i could even yell at him as long as i wanted. we argued about it after we got home and he kept saying i humiliated him infront of his family during the celebratory evening by being petty and trying to one up him... he even said i should've laughed along not fly off the handle liks that. did i overreact?.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i feel so embarrassed. i f25 gave birth to my daughter weeks ago, my experience was pretty traumatic and since it was my first, i had no clue what to expect. forgive me for the vague details for privacy but i'll mention all the relevent stuff, i promise. when i went into labor i had the most difficult time of my life, i was in pain for hours. my mom was with me but she had to go and my husband was with me the entire time. i did something so embarrasing in the delivery room, i pooped myself which was unexpected and just...i don't know but it was embarrassing and although my medical team were very professional about it, my husband couldn't help himself and started laughing about it later and even telling my family about it but they didn't react, just didn't find it funny and neither did i, in fact, i found it embarrassing and i already told him to stop bringing it up especially when he started joking about getting me diapers for my "opsies!!". it got really tiring and chipped away from my selfesteem and confidence. we were with his parents celebrating new year's eve together when i excused myself to the bathroom. while i was getting up he made a quick remark and said "oh yeah, you should go quickly because we don't want any accidents just like the one we had at the hospital, you know what i mean?" while blinking at me. his family actually laughed and bil commented "good one!". i was astonished and so angry and ashamed, i literally just lost it on him and yelled at the top of my lungs calling him a cruel insensitive jerk to be using the difficult experience of birthing his child as a joking matter and humiliating me infront of everybody. he was shocked, staring back at me and not saying a word. all went silent and i just stormed off to the bathroom til we left and that was when he snapped saying i messed up by talking to him like that infront of his family during dinner, i said i couldn't hold my tongue for that long and after he kept joking about an embarrassing thing when i told him to stop. he said he was just joking and i went overboard with my reaction and also, i should've sucked it up and waited til we got home so we could address this privately and i could even yell at him as long as i wanted. we argued about it after we got home and he kept saying i humiliated him infront of his family during the celebratory evening by being petty and trying to one up him... he even said i should've laughed along not fly off the handle liks that. did i overreact?. [/INST] nta. what a cruel and immature joke to make, ask him to push a watermelon out his dick and see if he can do it without any “embarrassing accidents”. if you had addressed this in private he would’ve said the same thing: you’re emotional and overreacting. he did it in front of his parents and family to corner you. this behavior needs to get nipped asap women release bowels during labor all the time, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. </s>
|
AITA for still going to my dental appointment after my husband tried to get me to reschedule?
|
so i (f34) was having a horrible toothache, i'd taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. i scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday.
my husband's (m37) best friend "terry" (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. my husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. i welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him. and if i take a long time to get something done he'd call my husband and basically "tell on me" which makes my husband mad. he says it's temporary and also since i'm home 24/7 and he is the working then i should help caring for his friend. it has became quite overwhelming because now i can't leave the house if my husband isn't there with his friend.
like i stated previously about the dental appointment, i told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying i can't leave terry home alone. i suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn't work with such a short notice. he suggested that i reschedule but i said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day.
he went to work early and i decided i was still going to go. terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. he asked where i was going and i told him to the dental appointment. he had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if i stepped a foot out the door. i took my mom and left. he ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til i turned my phone off.
instead of returning home, i went to stay with my mom because i was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone. mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. he is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after i blind sided him and went against his wishes.
| 25,983 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v0bel6/aita_for_still_going_to_my_dental_appointment/
|
2022-05-29 13:39:38
|
nta. sounds to me like you should continue staying with your mom and let your soon to be ex husband start his new life with his partner terry.
|
nta
hes 33 with an injured knee, not 97 and on his deathbed. since your husband and terry are on the same side just give terry your ring, clearly your husband loves him more, jeez 😤
|
nta and don't go home. "face the consequences"? these aren't the words of a husband, they're the words of a slave driver.
your husband, who should be supporting you, is acting like terry is the only important person in the house, aside from him, and you should put everything on hold to wait on terry hand-and-foot, while your own needs are of no consequence. terry, it appears, also thinks you are his servant. the fact that your husband berates you if terry is the least bit put out tells me he values terry much more than you.
apparently, the fact you were in incredible pain was of no matter to him, though i'll bet if it was his toothache, he would have gone to the dentist asap.
get a police escort to go to your home and get your things. and then, it's time to consider filing for divorce. you want nothing more to do with this man, or terry.
|
nta. the complete lack of respect both of these men have for you is breathtaking. a grown man *tattling* about not being served fast enough? and your husband takes his side?
i know people hate the "reddit tells people to divorce" trope, but this situation shows such a fundamental lack of care or respect for you. it tells you everything about his character, and the character of someone he's chosen as his "best friend." i don't see how you come back from this.
by the way, severe tooth pain is an urgent issue. people have died from dental abscess complications. i don't know if that's what was going on with you, but your husband was literally willing to risk your health to make his asshole baby friend happy.
|
nta your husband is.
he’s turned you into a carer for his buddy without asking and terry is a grown man that tattles on you for not doing more when you’re doing plenty.
he expects you to neglect your own physical health when you’re in pain to cater to his friend.
not gonna lie, when i read that the friend raised his voice and **told** you to go upstairs and cancel i got some second hand rage. who the fuck does this guy think he is?
you’ve been more than accommodating.
there’s an old saying: fish and guests start to stink after 3 days.
terry gotta go.
and your husband needs an attitude adjustment if he wants to stay married to you because his current approach seems intolerable.
|
nta. stay with your mom, don’t go back.
|
nta. he seems to be more worried about his friend than his wife....
does hubby's friend know he has two knees? he can use crutches and walk!
you're accommodating but you're not they're slave.
|
nta! wth does terry think he is? he is a grown a$$ adult who should be able to be alone for a few hours. hubby and terry can figure it out on their own. i had ankle surgery and was non weight bearing for 6 weeks and i managed on my own for a few hours.
|
nta your husband is. i get that he cares for his friend but really? to the expense of op's welfare?
|
nta.
consequences??? you are not a child. sounds like your husband just became terry’s (unnecessary) full-time carer. you should relax at your mother’s house for a while. consider returning to your husband after a proper apology and agreement to an anti-terry plan.
your mom sounds great. husband and terry, not so much.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (f34) was having a horrible toothache, i'd taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. i scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday. my husband's (m37) best friend "terry" (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. my husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. i welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him. and if i take a long time to get something done he'd call my husband and basically "tell on me" which makes my husband mad. he says it's temporary and also since i'm home 24/7 and he is the working then i should help caring for his friend. it has became quite overwhelming because now i can't leave the house if my husband isn't there with his friend. like i stated previously about the dental appointment, i told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying i can't leave terry home alone. i suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn't work with such a short notice. he suggested that i reschedule but i said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day. he went to work early and i decided i was still going to go. terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. he asked where i was going and i told him to the dental appointment. he had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if i stepped a foot out the door. i took my mom and left. he ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til i turned my phone off. instead of returning home, i went to stay with my mom because i was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone. mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. he is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after i blind sided him and went against his wishes.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i (f34) was having a horrible toothache, i'd taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. i scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday. my husband's (m37) best friend "terry" (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. my husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. i welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him. and if i take a long time to get something done he'd call my husband and basically "tell on me" which makes my husband mad. he says it's temporary and also since i'm home 24/7 and he is the working then i should help caring for his friend. it has became quite overwhelming because now i can't leave the house if my husband isn't there with his friend. like i stated previously about the dental appointment, i told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying i can't leave terry home alone. i suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn't work with such a short notice. he suggested that i reschedule but i said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day. he went to work early and i decided i was still going to go. terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. he asked where i was going and i told him to the dental appointment. he had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if i stepped a foot out the door. i took my mom and left. he ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til i turned my phone off. instead of returning home, i went to stay with my mom because i was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone. mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. he is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after i blind sided him and went against his wishes. [/INST] nta. sounds to me like you should continue staying with your mom and let your soon to be ex husband start his new life with his partner terry. </s>
|
AITA for "forcing" my father to pay child support
|
my father is a dick. when he got my mother pregnant he wanted her to quit her job and just stay home to "be a good little wife and mother. he is very well off due to a trust fund and he doesn't really need to work. my mother refused and divorced him. because of a prenup she got very little and he moved back to europe. his parents never knew about me and my mother had a good profession and i never really wanted for anything. my grandmother and grandfather, her mom and dad were awesome, and i got to spend my summers exploring the wilds of western canada with them. my father never paid the child support he should have. like i said it did really matter. my mom makes good money and she gave me a great life as a child.
so the point of this post. i'm (f28) getting married. i met the love of my life (m31) at university and we have been together for eight years. he is a wonderful person and he really is my lobster. (sorry, friends reference).
his family is from the same city as my father and they are a huge rambunctious bunch. because of a lot of intermingled business and personal relationships my parental grandparents found out about my impending wedding and me i suppose. the have been in contact and want to come to canada to meet me and my fiancee who i guess is a grandson of an acquaintance of theirs. small world.
when they found out that my father had basically abandoned me to fend for myself in this world, this is honestly how they see it, they were pissed to say the least. it is very funny because we are decidedly upper middle class here.
so long story short they had their lawyer calculate the amount of child support my father should have paid with inyerest and the cost of my post secondary education. they then gave my this as a gift. what i didn't know was that it came out of my father's yearly draw on his trust fund.
he is furious because it is obviously a sizeable amount and it will very much affect his finances for at least the next two years. he may need to ,gasp, get a job.
he has been contacting me and telling me that his current wife and children will be negatively affected if i don't give him back this money.
i don't really need it. and i guess i am entitled to it and i am getting a trust fund now as well.
but i really want to pay off any debt my mother may have and make sure that when she retires she can do whatever suits her fancy.
i'm not giving it back.
aita?
| 25,924 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x1h05k/aita_for_forcing_my_father_to_pay_child_support/
|
2022-08-30 11:49:36
|
nta. he should have been paying it all along. and your grandparents sound badass.
|
[removed]
|
nta
your grandparents wont accept it back anyway.
it's your grandparents money to use however they wish. they've decided to gift it to their grandchild and not their lazy ass son.
tell him this is between him and his parents.
|
[removed]
|
that trust fund isn’t his money, it’s his parents money. they can give or take that any time they want. and they wanted to take it from him and given it to you. that’s 100% their right. your father is actually angry at them, but he’s also a coward. he knows that any anger he directs at them may end up with him being cut off completely.
it’s time to shut him up. let him know that if he keeps harassing you, you’ll show his texts and emails and calls to his parents. ask him how he thinks they’d react to his actions.
keep the money. just because you don’t “need” a thing doesn’t make it wrong to have it. pay off your debt, buy a home, make your new life with your husband that much easier. save and invest it for your children if you want. your grandparents want you to have their money. let them be generous to you.
nta
|
he’s no father.
go wild with the money, make sure he knows exactly how wild.
|
nta
they gave it freely. it is yours. if they were able to give it, it wasn't his money to control where it goes to anyway. that's how a trust works.
|
nta
your dad’s a deadbeat, he should’ve been paying it all along. it’s not his money anyway, it’s from the trust fund set up for him.
your paternal grandparents sound awesome though, maybe they’re trying to atone for raising the asshat that is their son.
|
nta call it karma. it's your money. it's a lovely idea to give it to your mom.
|
certainly nta, how lovely of your grandparents. i bet if you let them know he’s been contacting you about it, they’ll put a stop to it. (if you want to do it in a sneakily nice way, you can say, “hey i feel awkward about this, but my dad/your son has been contacting me saying it’ll hurt his lifestyle unless i give him the money back, is that true? i’m worried about his kids”)
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my father is a dick. when he got my mother pregnant he wanted her to quit her job and just stay home to "be a good little wife and mother. he is very well off due to a trust fund and he doesn't really need to work. my mother refused and divorced him. because of a prenup she got very little and he moved back to europe. his parents never knew about me and my mother had a good profession and i never really wanted for anything. my grandmother and grandfather, her mom and dad were awesome, and i got to spend my summers exploring the wilds of western canada with them. my father never paid the child support he should have. like i said it did really matter. my mom makes good money and she gave me a great life as a child. so the point of this post. i'm (f28) getting married. i met the love of my life (m31) at university and we have been together for eight years. he is a wonderful person and he really is my lobster. (sorry, friends reference). his family is from the same city as my father and they are a huge rambunctious bunch. because of a lot of intermingled business and personal relationships my parental grandparents found out about my impending wedding and me i suppose. the have been in contact and want to come to canada to meet me and my fiancee who i guess is a grandson of an acquaintance of theirs. small world. when they found out that my father had basically abandoned me to fend for myself in this world, this is honestly how they see it, they were pissed to say the least. it is very funny because we are decidedly upper middle class here. so long story short they had their lawyer calculate the amount of child support my father should have paid with inyerest and the cost of my post secondary education. they then gave my this as a gift. what i didn't know was that it came out of my father's yearly draw on his trust fund. he is furious because it is obviously a sizeable amount and it will very much affect his finances for at least the next two years. he may need to ,gasp, get a job. he has been contacting me and telling me that his current wife and children will be negatively affected if i don't give him back this money. i don't really need it. and i guess i am entitled to it and i am getting a trust fund now as well. but i really want to pay off any debt my mother may have and make sure that when she retires she can do whatever suits her fancy. i'm not giving it back. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my father is a dick. when he got my mother pregnant he wanted her to quit her job and just stay home to "be a good little wife and mother. he is very well off due to a trust fund and he doesn't really need to work. my mother refused and divorced him. because of a prenup she got very little and he moved back to europe. his parents never knew about me and my mother had a good profession and i never really wanted for anything. my grandmother and grandfather, her mom and dad were awesome, and i got to spend my summers exploring the wilds of western canada with them. my father never paid the child support he should have. like i said it did really matter. my mom makes good money and she gave me a great life as a child. so the point of this post. i'm (f28) getting married. i met the love of my life (m31) at university and we have been together for eight years. he is a wonderful person and he really is my lobster. (sorry, friends reference). his family is from the same city as my father and they are a huge rambunctious bunch. because of a lot of intermingled business and personal relationships my parental grandparents found out about my impending wedding and me i suppose. the have been in contact and want to come to canada to meet me and my fiancee who i guess is a grandson of an acquaintance of theirs. small world. when they found out that my father had basically abandoned me to fend for myself in this world, this is honestly how they see it, they were pissed to say the least. it is very funny because we are decidedly upper middle class here. so long story short they had their lawyer calculate the amount of child support my father should have paid with inyerest and the cost of my post secondary education. they then gave my this as a gift. what i didn't know was that it came out of my father's yearly draw on his trust fund. he is furious because it is obviously a sizeable amount and it will very much affect his finances for at least the next two years. he may need to ,gasp, get a job. he has been contacting me and telling me that his current wife and children will be negatively affected if i don't give him back this money. i don't really need it. and i guess i am entitled to it and i am getting a trust fund now as well. but i really want to pay off any debt my mother may have and make sure that when she retires she can do whatever suits her fancy. i'm not giving it back. aita? [/INST] nta. he should have been paying it all along. and your grandparents sound badass. </s>
|
AITA For tricking my parents into being on time for my wedding.
|
my (m33) parents are late for everything. like everything. both of my sister's and myself have been disappointed so many times.
graduation ceremonies, birthday parties, even my father's retirement dinner. it is completely my mother's fault. she is a wonderful mother and i love her dearly, she just does not understand the concept of punctuality.
i have seen her talking to her sister on the phone and reminded her she needed to be at my baby sister's dance recital. she waved me off and arrived after my sister had danced.
we are all used to it. my dad is just done trying to get her to be on time for anything.
my now wife (f28) told me in no uncertain terms that if my mother was late for our wedding she would do terrible things to me. she was only half joking. but she was a witness to my mom and dad arriving halfway through my cousin's quinceañera.
so here is what i did. it is completely on me. me wife was not involved. if there is a dick move it was completely mine.
when we were getting samples for the wedding i talked to the printer and had one special invitation printed with the time on it stated s being one hour earlier than the actual start time of the ceremony.
my mother was beside herself apparently when they left the house and thought they were going to miss the wedding since she was a part of it with her and my mil lighting the candles we would use to light the unity candle and stuff.
when she arrived and noticed other people were also just arriving and parking she was so relieved that we were starting late that she just went with it.
the ceremony went off beautifully. and so did the wedding pictures and the reception.
the problem came last sunday. my parents came over for a big family dinner and we didn't bother starting the grill until they showed up. she asked why everyone wasn't eating and we just said we knew we would be waiting for them since they are always late.
she said that she was not always late and had been on time for my wedding. she hadn't been. they arrived 45 minutes after the time on their invitation.
my idiot cousin john, real name because it's common and he deserves people to know he is a dolt, snorted at her statement. a few other people giggled or smiled at this and she picked up and asked what was so funny.
i came clean and told her about the "special" invitation.
she is pissed at me for not trusting her and making her look foolish in front of everyone. if my cousin had just controlled himself she never would have known.
aita,?
edit
part of the reason she is mad is because she had her invitation framed. to be honest i was already planning a heist with my sisters to replace it with the real one in case she ever noticed the discrepancy between hers and the one we have framed in our home.
edit number two.
yeah we are latinos. and no i do not in any way consider it racist how many of you guessed that. i have been to spain and it's an issue there too. and the philippines. basically anywhere those guys were in charge.
edit three.
stop defending john. he and i have spent thirty years messing with each other. i have an aita story that ends with me getting an offensive tattoo ($5,000 for removal) and him getting a body cavity search at the mexican border. i would post it but it happened like ten years ago.
| 25,922 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x2fpbv/aita_for_tricking_my_parents_into_being_on_time/
|
2022-08-31 14:55:46
|
nta - how can she complain? if you had sent her an invite with the real time then she would have been 45 minutes late. she should appreciate the fact that you wanted her to be there enough that you took the time to make her a special invite to ensure she arrived on time.
|
nta
she is embarrassed because she has a problem showing up on time and you proved it.
|
just keep repeating that she was 45 minutes late
flat out tell her that had you not lied to her, she would have missed your wedding and that not only will you never apologize for doing what you did, you want an apology from her for being 45 minutes late in the first place
nta
|
nta.
op's mother: **why didn't you trust me to be on time!**
op's mother: -proceeds to arrive late-
logic? gone.
hotel? trivago.
|
nta
nicely played imo
your mum should be ashamed of herself for being so self involved thatcshe does not value anyone else.
if she tries to get huffy keep putting it back on her...this is a consequence of her behaviour and she should be tha king you for knowing her so well that you went the extra mile so,she could be there on time.
|
nta but realistically prepare for them to be even later from now on because she doesn't know if you're providing the real time
|
nta but i don't understand why everyone is catering to someone who is consistently very late for everything. you have a time to light the grill, then light the damned grill, why should everyone sit around hungry because one person is inconsiderate. she shows up after everyone has eaten, show mom where the leftover food is stored. she is late for a dinner, dance, movie, whatever...proceed without her. she has trained all of you that she is the most important person ever.
now i do understand about the wedding, even tho i am gritting my teeth about that, lol. but why does everyone think her time is more important than their own?
i was months-married, (he was not late in 2 years of dating) and he made us late for my nephew's wedding vows. that was it. never again. he wasn't ready? i left on time, told everyone "he's late so i told him to not show up". not ready for christmas at my parents' house? tough noogies, i enjoyed christmas day and didn't bring home his christmas gifts. "**if you are going to be late, don't bother showing up" and i meant it**. my husband caught on fast and after only a few incidents of being left out (and banned from showing up late), he's been on time or even early the past 37 years, lol. **
|
nta.
this is exactly how my family manages my aunt. lie and give her a time 30-60 minutes earlier. she's still frequently late.
all your mom did was prove that it was necessary. if she's insulted by that, she should adjust her behavior instead of lashing out.
ywbta, if she had shown up "on time" and waited around for an hour. but that's not what happened.
she would've been an hour late for your wedding if not for you, remind her of that.
|
you're not an asshole for the fake invitation. it did the trick, right? if they *weren't* 45 minutes late according to the time stated on the invite, i might be inclined to agree it was an asshole move, but they were, so it's justified.
the question is (info) how did john and the rest of the people *know* that your parents had a fake time on their invite? if you told everyone *but* your parents, i can understand your parents being ticked off about being the butt of a big joke.
|
nta. you should show her this thread honestly. i use to be notoriously late for everything...when i was 21. my boyfriend now husband stopped one day and literally had to say. i need you to respect me and acknowledge my time is also valuable as is the time of the people we are seeing. im never late now. i recognize that everyone's time is valuable... i can't imagine your sister waiting backstage to go dance and not see her family in the audience:(
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (m33) parents are late for everything. like everything. both of my sister's and myself have been disappointed so many times. graduation ceremonies, birthday parties, even my father's retirement dinner. it is completely my mother's fault. she is a wonderful mother and i love her dearly, she just does not understand the concept of punctuality. i have seen her talking to her sister on the phone and reminded her she needed to be at my baby sister's dance recital. she waved me off and arrived after my sister had danced. we are all used to it. my dad is just done trying to get her to be on time for anything. my now wife (f28) told me in no uncertain terms that if my mother was late for our wedding she would do terrible things to me. she was only half joking. but she was a witness to my mom and dad arriving halfway through my cousin's quinceañera. so here is what i did. it is completely on me. me wife was not involved. if there is a dick move it was completely mine. when we were getting samples for the wedding i talked to the printer and had one special invitation printed with the time on it stated s being one hour earlier than the actual start time of the ceremony. my mother was beside herself apparently when they left the house and thought they were going to miss the wedding since she was a part of it with her and my mil lighting the candles we would use to light the unity candle and stuff. when she arrived and noticed other people were also just arriving and parking she was so relieved that we were starting late that she just went with it. the ceremony went off beautifully. and so did the wedding pictures and the reception. the problem came last sunday. my parents came over for a big family dinner and we didn't bother starting the grill until they showed up. she asked why everyone wasn't eating and we just said we knew we would be waiting for them since they are always late. she said that she was not always late and had been on time for my wedding. she hadn't been. they arrived 45 minutes after the time on their invitation. my idiot cousin john, real name because it's common and he deserves people to know he is a dolt, snorted at her statement. a few other people giggled or smiled at this and she picked up and asked what was so funny. i came clean and told her about the "special" invitation. she is pissed at me for not trusting her and making her look foolish in front of everyone. if my cousin had just controlled himself she never would have known. aita,? edit part of the reason she is mad is because she had her invitation framed. to be honest i was already planning a heist with my sisters to replace it with the real one in case she ever noticed the discrepancy between hers and the one we have framed in our home. edit number two. yeah we are latinos. and no i do not in any way consider it racist how many of you guessed that. i have been to spain and it's an issue there too. and the philippines. basically anywhere those guys were in charge. edit three. stop defending john. he and i have spent thirty years messing with each other. i have an aita story that ends with me getting an offensive tattoo ($5,000 for removal) and him getting a body cavity search at the mexican border. i would post it but it happened like ten years ago.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (m33) parents are late for everything. like everything. both of my sister's and myself have been disappointed so many times. graduation ceremonies, birthday parties, even my father's retirement dinner. it is completely my mother's fault. she is a wonderful mother and i love her dearly, she just does not understand the concept of punctuality. i have seen her talking to her sister on the phone and reminded her she needed to be at my baby sister's dance recital. she waved me off and arrived after my sister had danced. we are all used to it. my dad is just done trying to get her to be on time for anything. my now wife (f28) told me in no uncertain terms that if my mother was late for our wedding she would do terrible things to me. she was only half joking. but she was a witness to my mom and dad arriving halfway through my cousin's quinceañera. so here is what i did. it is completely on me. me wife was not involved. if there is a dick move it was completely mine. when we were getting samples for the wedding i talked to the printer and had one special invitation printed with the time on it stated s being one hour earlier than the actual start time of the ceremony. my mother was beside herself apparently when they left the house and thought they were going to miss the wedding since she was a part of it with her and my mil lighting the candles we would use to light the unity candle and stuff. when she arrived and noticed other people were also just arriving and parking she was so relieved that we were starting late that she just went with it. the ceremony went off beautifully. and so did the wedding pictures and the reception. the problem came last sunday. my parents came over for a big family dinner and we didn't bother starting the grill until they showed up. she asked why everyone wasn't eating and we just said we knew we would be waiting for them since they are always late. she said that she was not always late and had been on time for my wedding. she hadn't been. they arrived 45 minutes after the time on their invitation. my idiot cousin john, real name because it's common and he deserves people to know he is a dolt, snorted at her statement. a few other people giggled or smiled at this and she picked up and asked what was so funny. i came clean and told her about the "special" invitation. she is pissed at me for not trusting her and making her look foolish in front of everyone. if my cousin had just controlled himself she never would have known. aita,? edit part of the reason she is mad is because she had her invitation framed. to be honest i was already planning a heist with my sisters to replace it with the real one in case she ever noticed the discrepancy between hers and the one we have framed in our home. edit number two. yeah we are latinos. and no i do not in any way consider it racist how many of you guessed that. i have been to spain and it's an issue there too. and the philippines. basically anywhere those guys were in charge. edit three. stop defending john. he and i have spent thirty years messing with each other. i have an aita story that ends with me getting an offensive tattoo ($5,000 for removal) and him getting a body cavity search at the mexican border. i would post it but it happened like ten years ago. [/INST] nta - how can she complain? if you had sent her an invite with the real time then she would have been 45 minutes late. she should appreciate the fact that you wanted her to be there enough that you took the time to make her a special invite to ensure she arrived on time. </s>
|
AITA for calling the cops when my bf's sister left her children with me for a few days which ended with her getting a felony charge?
|
i am pretty sure i am the ah and i did not think something this bad would happen. this happened about a year ago.
me and my bf have been together for 5 years. his sister, claire, has a 1 year old baby, alex.
claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run. i will be honest here. i have no clue how to take care of a baby. i play with the baby but other than that my bf usually takes care of alex.
my bf work is onsite. so he usually isn't home for 4 days and then comes home for 3 days. one day, claire asked my bf if she can drop off alex for the day. bf was supposed to leave for work that evening. since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening, he didn't mention that. big mistake. he left around 5 pm.
i was waiting for claire and kept calling her. she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place few hours away with her friends. she told me to tell bf to take care of alex for next 3-4 days. i told her that bf already left for work. then she just told me "then you take care of alex. i will back in 4 days." and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone.
i freaked out hard. i cannot call bf because he is unreachable onsite. neither of us have family in the state that we could have called. i called few friends but no one gave me anything helpful. the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it. the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely.
i literally didn't know how else to do. so, i called the police and told them what happened. they directed me to a social worker. while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby, the cops called the cops where she was to locate her.
the cops found her high marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as possesion and intention to sell (
| 25,905 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ijffjm/aita_for_calling_the_cops_when_my_bfs_sister_left/
|
2020-08-30 16:24:25
|
nta - only a few diapers for 3-4 days? dropping off her baby without agreeing to a timeframe and then going to get high with friends?? i don’t think your bf’s sister is ready to be a mom. this is either a great wake up call for her or a sign that the baby should be elsewhere. your intention was to ensure the baby was safe, that automatically makes you nta
|
nta. out of the blue for 4 days? i would consider this close to child abandonment.
|
nta, that is horrifically irresponsible. she didn't let you know she was leaving the kid there for days? she didn't leave enough diapers or food? she didn't rush back when you asked her too?
all wrong.
|
nta. there's a big difference between watching a baby for a few hours while she's running errands and watching a baby for four-five days. she can't do that to you. plus it's certainly not your fault that she was caught with drugs.
|
nta
she ruined her life herself. you were only acting in the best interests of the child during an emergency.
of course you call the cops under these circumstances! no food, few diapers, no where for a child to sleep or play...it is not your responsibility to provide any of this after the sil has abandoned her child. even if you could take care of a baby, you had no idea how long sil would be gone or where exactly she was.
don't harbor any guilt over this. you did the right thing (though i think pot should be legal so people like your sil don't "lose everything".)
|
nta- you don’t know how to take care of a baby. even if it really was for a few hours she put her kid in danger and gave no fucks when you made it loud and clear that you could not take care of a baby period point blank. then on top of that she went out and got high and didn’t care one bit about her kid. you did the kid a favor.
|
nta.
she said she would be picking up the baby by the evening, then told *you* that it would be four days. i can imagine, she probably knew that you’re clueless with kids.
she also left the baby with nothing but diapers? or at least, not enough of anything to last more than a few hours, since you mentioned only diapers were left.
you were fearful for the child’s safety in your care, and did what you could to get claire home. it’s not your fault that she was off getting high.
this is negligent parenting.
if she wanted a few days off, she could have scheduled it with you and your bf so that he would be home, and you’d have real warning.
so, you’re nta. and she needs to learn how to take care of a kid and be a responsible parent.
|
nta
she abandoned her baby to go on a drug bender and there were consequences to her actions.
|
everything seems fine to me (since it seems so from your pov, too) until she just hung up and switched her phone off. you do not ever turn your phone off as a parent whos away from the kid. never. and you got the reason right the next moment when you didnt know how and what to feed. would have been a 5 mins call and a major favour from you to just give you a list in what you need and do. instead she just didnt give a fck until the cops did in her stead.
100% nta
|
nta. 4 days? there had to be more than just some weed smoking going on there. if you called the authorities for a few hours, or if there was other family nearby that could take the baby, then you'd be ta but 4 days is way too long.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am pretty sure i am the ah and i did not think something this bad would happen. this happened about a year ago. me and my bf have been together for 5 years. his sister, claire, has a 1 year old baby, alex. claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run. i will be honest here. i have no clue how to take care of a baby. i play with the baby but other than that my bf usually takes care of alex. my bf work is onsite. so he usually isn't home for 4 days and then comes home for 3 days. one day, claire asked my bf if she can drop off alex for the day. bf was supposed to leave for work that evening. since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening, he didn't mention that. big mistake. he left around 5 pm. i was waiting for claire and kept calling her. she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place few hours away with her friends. she told me to tell bf to take care of alex for next 3-4 days. i told her that bf already left for work. then she just told me "then you take care of alex. i will back in 4 days." and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone. i freaked out hard. i cannot call bf because he is unreachable onsite. neither of us have family in the state that we could have called. i called few friends but no one gave me anything helpful. the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it. the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely. i literally didn't know how else to do. so, i called the police and told them what happened. they directed me to a social worker. while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby, the cops called the cops where she was to locate her. the cops found her high marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as possesion and intention to sell (
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am pretty sure i am the ah and i did not think something this bad would happen. this happened about a year ago. me and my bf have been together for 5 years. his sister, claire, has a 1 year old baby, alex. claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run. i will be honest here. i have no clue how to take care of a baby. i play with the baby but other than that my bf usually takes care of alex. my bf work is onsite. so he usually isn't home for 4 days and then comes home for 3 days. one day, claire asked my bf if she can drop off alex for the day. bf was supposed to leave for work that evening. since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening, he didn't mention that. big mistake. he left around 5 pm. i was waiting for claire and kept calling her. she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place few hours away with her friends. she told me to tell bf to take care of alex for next 3-4 days. i told her that bf already left for work. then she just told me "then you take care of alex. i will back in 4 days." and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone. i freaked out hard. i cannot call bf because he is unreachable onsite. neither of us have family in the state that we could have called. i called few friends but no one gave me anything helpful. the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it. the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely. i literally didn't know how else to do. so, i called the police and told them what happened. they directed me to a social worker. while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby, the cops called the cops where she was to locate her. the cops found her high marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as possesion and intention to sell ( [/INST] nta - only a few diapers for 3-4 days? dropping off her baby without agreeing to a timeframe and then going to get high with friends?? i don’t think your bf’s sister is ready to be a mom. this is either a great wake up call for her or a sign that the baby should be elsewhere. your intention was to ensure the baby was safe, that automatically makes you nta </s>
|
AITA for changing my name? my parents named me Qur'stylle (Chrystal)?
|
so my asshole scumbag parents named me qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. i have always told people to just spell it as chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly.
my mom even grounded me once because i told people to just make save my name as chrystal in their contacts. now that i'm a legal adult i got my named changed to chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think i'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good.
my mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. she said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. im pretty sure i'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. i told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. my mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward.
| 25,826 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g1bn71/aita_for_changing_my_name_my_parents_named_me/
|
2020-04-14 19:04:53
|
nta. it's your name and your right to change it if you wish.
honestly, if i may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family. it sounds like they're causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them. cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can.
|
nta i notice this:
> would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly
your mom thinks you're her possession to show off. she picked that name for the same reason people get their sportscars in bight red: "look at this awesome thing i own!!"
not only are you in the right for wanting a normal name, it's good of you to get out from under your mom's influence.
|
she was threatening to cut you off for changing your first name as a legal adult? wow.
but the “go fuck yourself” was a little harsh, though also justified.
nta
|
“your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious”
you’re absolutely right about that. i, personally, hate when parents give their kids names that are hard to pronounce or names that the kid’s going to get made fun of for. naming a child shouldn’t be about the parents, it should be about how it will affect the kid as they grow up.
i hate my name and have always gone by my nickname, which is just my name but shortened by a letter. my dad wanted to name me mario and i’m so glad that my mom put her foot down and made him compromise with a name that is somewhat italian and english. it’s not like the name they chose was good either because i got made fun of for it in elementary and high school when teachers leaked my name.
|
why did you spell it chrystal and not crystal?
|
[removed]
|
nta. if it was a culturally or religiously important name with roots in the family then *maybe* that would be on the spectrum of betrayal but this is just basic narcissism.
just read the definition below of narcissism and see how much of this you think fits your mom’s feelings about your name.
“...excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement.”
plus you’re an adult. unusual names can hinder or block legitimate employment, higher education, granting of loans etc.
|
nta. "betrayed" her and your family? that's a stretch. and that's an understatement.
she gets to pick your name when you're a kid. you're an adult now, and you are allowed to dislike what she picked and change it. she's allowed to be hurt by that. she is not allowed to threaten you for making adult decisions.
|
lol you had to throw that extra “h” in there, huh?
|
info: was the inclusion of the "h" on purpose? my mind keeps reading it as chrysler instead of crystal.
for the record, i still think that spelling is more clear than the original spelling.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my asshole scumbag parents named me qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. i have always told people to just spell it as chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly. my mom even grounded me once because i told people to just make save my name as chrystal in their contacts. now that i'm a legal adult i got my named changed to chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think i'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good. my mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. she said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. im pretty sure i'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. i told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. my mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my asshole scumbag parents named me qur'stylle and my whole life i have gotten shit like "are you muslim" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. i have always told people to just spell it as chrystal and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly. my mom even grounded me once because i told people to just make save my name as chrystal in their contacts. now that i'm a legal adult i got my named changed to chrystal so now i don't have to deal with this fuckign bullshit for the rest of my life. having this bullshit spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think i'm some spoiled brat bitch when that isn't true at all. your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullshit spellings is not good. my mom lost her shit and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. she said i betrayed her and our family by doing this. im pretty sure i'm in the right but i need a sanity check here. i told my mom to go fuck herself and fuck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own fuckign name. my mom is a cunt and my dad is a spineless coward. [/INST] nta. it's your name and your right to change it if you wish. honestly, if i may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family. it sounds like they're causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them. cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can. </s>
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend's co-worker that we're not married?
|
i've been with boyfriend for about 5 years. we live together. he does not want to get married, which i'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship.
boyfriend was talking to co-worker on zoom when i brought him some coffee. co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife i've heard so much about". i said something like "thanks but we're not married". he said "oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, i introduced myself, then ended the conversation and left as quickly i could while still being polite because both boyfriend and co-worker were giving me a weird vibe.
a little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?". i didn't know what he meant so i asked "what was what?". boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct co-worker and that it's better if people think i'm his wife. i said i'm not his wife, i'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that i'm his wife.
this somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that boyfriend never told me that his co-workers think we're married, and boyfriend's side being that i should have figured that being called his wife indicated that co-worker thought i was his wife and i shouldn't have corrected him, and when i said i thought he'd just made an assumption, boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him, that it was rude, and that it make boyfriend look like a dickhead.
he then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with co-worker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that i was messing with him, and that boyfriend is actually husband and us not being married is an inside joke i thought co-worker was in on.
i then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with, and "no fucking way am i doing that", and he said i was being an arsehole, that i got him into this, and now i have to bail him out.
aita?
&#x200b;
| 25,810 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/la3xpq/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriends_coworker_that_were/
|
2021-02-01 14:13:31
|
nta
that is so shady and it feels like there is a lot more going on.
if you're not married he doesn't get the perks and that includes calling you his wife.
|
hell no nta. why is he calling you his wife and he doesn't marry you. that seems kind of stupid
|
nta. that would be the stupidest inside joke in history. if your boyfriend, i mean husband is adamant in calling you his wife, why doesn’t he propose lol considering your long history too!
|
nta
boyfriend looked like a dickhead because boyfriend was being a dickhead. you didnt do that. if he doesn’t want to be married, he should not tell people he’s married. if he wants people to think he’s married, he should get married (although i advise against that).
|
nta he doesn’t want to pay for a wedding then gets mad because your not married and you tell people that you aren’t like wtf
|
nta. here’s the plan:
agree to go along with the ‘inside joke’
wait for his next video meeting
come in all giggly
“hi guys! sorry there was some confusion last time! bf isn’t my husband because he refuses to marry me! isn’t that hilarious! anyway, gotta go!”
move out.
|
nta, you have every right to claim your relationship status. you shouldn't feel ashamed or need to lie about your relationship status. i don't know the culture you're in on why being married would be a benefit at work. but you don't owe him a cover up.
|
he doesn’t want to get married, so you came to terms with that. now he’s mad that you won’t pretend to be married. weird dude. nta.
|
nta your comment was not out of place. it also seems pretty damn bold of him to call you his wife after refusing to marry you.
also, his plan is the dumbest fucking plan i've ever heard. it's making my skin crawl just imagining being on the coworkers end of this weirdo scheme.
|
nta and you should find out why this is so important to your boyfriend. i know a guy who also calls his girlfriend his wife but they are together for so long and both know that it's only a matter of time until they marry, so they don't really care at this point. but your boyfriend seems to give a lot about this discussion and i honestly don't know what to think of that.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've been with boyfriend for about 5 years. we live together. he does not want to get married, which i'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship. boyfriend was talking to co-worker on zoom when i brought him some coffee. co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife i've heard so much about". i said something like "thanks but we're not married". he said "oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, i introduced myself, then ended the conversation and left as quickly i could while still being polite because both boyfriend and co-worker were giving me a weird vibe. a little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?". i didn't know what he meant so i asked "what was what?". boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct co-worker and that it's better if people think i'm his wife. i said i'm not his wife, i'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that i'm his wife. this somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that boyfriend never told me that his co-workers think we're married, and boyfriend's side being that i should have figured that being called his wife indicated that co-worker thought i was his wife and i shouldn't have corrected him, and when i said i thought he'd just made an assumption, boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him, that it was rude, and that it make boyfriend look like a dickhead. he then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with co-worker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that i was messing with him, and that boyfriend is actually husband and us not being married is an inside joke i thought co-worker was in on. i then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with, and "no fucking way am i doing that", and he said i was being an arsehole, that i got him into this, and now i have to bail him out. aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i've been with boyfriend for about 5 years. we live together. he does not want to get married, which i'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship. boyfriend was talking to co-worker on zoom when i brought him some coffee. co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife i've heard so much about". i said something like "thanks but we're not married". he said "oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, i introduced myself, then ended the conversation and left as quickly i could while still being polite because both boyfriend and co-worker were giving me a weird vibe. a little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?". i didn't know what he meant so i asked "what was what?". boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct co-worker and that it's better if people think i'm his wife. i said i'm not his wife, i'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that i'm his wife. this somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that boyfriend never told me that his co-workers think we're married, and boyfriend's side being that i should have figured that being called his wife indicated that co-worker thought i was his wife and i shouldn't have corrected him, and when i said i thought he'd just made an assumption, boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him, that it was rude, and that it make boyfriend look like a dickhead. he then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with co-worker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that i was messing with him, and that boyfriend is actually husband and us not being married is an inside joke i thought co-worker was in on. i then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with, and "no fucking way am i doing that", and he said i was being an arsehole, that i got him into this, and now i have to bail him out. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta that is so shady and it feels like there is a lot more going on. if you're not married he doesn't get the perks and that includes calling you his wife. </s>
|
AITA for ransacking my boyfriend’s apartment?
|
i (f25) have been with my boyfriend “jake” (m34) for 8 months. things were fine until i (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago. since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective. i immediately told him to cut that shit out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better.
anyway, i have a friend in mexico who is getting married. i’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago. however, jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go. he says mexico is too dangerous, even though i’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak spanish, have friends there, and know my way around. no matter what i say, he doesn’t want me to go.
then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand. i’m supposed to go tomorrow, so i wouldn’t have time to get a new one. i looked everywhere, no luck. when i asked jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but i dismissed it because i couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going.
but he’s been giving me some red flags, so i decided to have a thorough look around. when he went out this morning, i started going through everything. as i searched, i became increasingly certain that he took my passport. i started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, i became a lot less careful. i started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess. but i found it. it was behind some books on the bookcase in his study. i never go into his study. he definitely put it there.
now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place. he said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to “go crazy.”i’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and i don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back.
this is only my third serious relationship, and i have no perspective on this kind of thing. aita for “overreacting” and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place?
| 25,792 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u0srja/aita_for_ransacking_my_boyfriends_apartment/
|
2022-04-10 22:28:55
|
nta.move out immediately and don’t look back. this is the start of an abusive relationship he is starting lightly with the controlling so that you get used to it. that you even question that you are an ah for looking for your passport that he stole means that he is already succeeding. for your future safety run.
you are not in so deep that you can’t get out.
|
nta his behaviour is controlling and unacceptable. your passport is not a small thing and you should be able to trust that important belongings are safe in your home. please seriously consider ending this relationship, he is showing you what your future will be like with him.
|
nta!
even if you are in a relationship, the partner never has the right to do this kind of things to you!!!!!
he stole your propery, he lied about it and then he victimized!
nooo, gurl. leave him. this is not how relationships work.
we all have our fair shares of arguments during a lifetime, but this is crossing the personal boundaries and also illegal.
|
nta. and run. there was no reason for him to take the passport in the first place except to keep you from going...leaving you out of all the cash you spent, isolating you from friends. he's trying to control you, and calling you "crazy" because you discovered the truth and he's trying to make you doubt it and yourself. run.
|
here's some perspective.
your boyfriend is escalating. he's starting to do bigger and bigger things. there are hundreds of stories on this subreddit, on r/relationships, and any number of other places on this website, where it starts exactly like this. he started with small attempts at controlling you, and he's trying to move into gaslighting you. if the pattern holds, the real abuse comes next.
hundreds of stories, with this exact pattern. it's not a coincidence.
this is something you cannot possibly take seriously enough. at least he's only your boyfriend. it's easy to get out of this right now, and i strongly suggest you do.
nta
|
nta. run. now. don’t go back to his apartment. in fact, stay in mexico till you have somewhere else to stay.
i understand you’re unsure so here’s your validation. he’s controlling. it’s happening fast and will not stop. stealing your passport - he would not have given it back - is highly illegal, immoral, dangerous behaviour. now he’s gaslighting you saying you were “crazy”. after you caught him stealing your passport.
do not stay with this man.
|
what's crazy is him hiding the passport in the first place. of course he's going to make his actions seem innocuous and gaslight you and your friends into thinking that you're the psycho. "i was gonna give it back sheesh" no he wasn't.
you're an adult. he is not your father so he needs to stop acting like it. if he thinks hiding your things is going to get you to do what he wants, then this is why he's 34 and single. nta, get a new boyfriend.
|
nta. and hell no, it's not normal for someone to steal your passport to try to control you.
|
he hid your government issued identification because you wanted to leave the country temporarily for a friend's wedding and he couldn't convince you not to. you are definitely nta for not keeping things tidy trying to find it. his reaction makes me wonder what else he is hiding. i would seriously consider removing any possessions you consider irreplaceable from his living space lest they go missing also.
|
so many 🚩🚩🚩nta at all. he left you no choice to search the apartments since he decided to hide your passport. he must’ve forgotten that he went through your things first when he stole & tried to hide your passport. pack up all of your things & run don’t walk away from his crazy controlling ass!!
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f25) have been with my boyfriend “jake” (m34) for 8 months. things were fine until i (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago. since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective. i immediately told him to cut that shit out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better. anyway, i have a friend in mexico who is getting married. i’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago. however, jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go. he says mexico is too dangerous, even though i’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak spanish, have friends there, and know my way around. no matter what i say, he doesn’t want me to go. then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand. i’m supposed to go tomorrow, so i wouldn’t have time to get a new one. i looked everywhere, no luck. when i asked jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but i dismissed it because i couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going. but he’s been giving me some red flags, so i decided to have a thorough look around. when he went out this morning, i started going through everything. as i searched, i became increasingly certain that he took my passport. i started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, i became a lot less careful. i started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess. but i found it. it was behind some books on the bookcase in his study. i never go into his study. he definitely put it there. now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place. he said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to “go crazy.”i’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and i don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back. this is only my third serious relationship, and i have no perspective on this kind of thing. aita for “overreacting” and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f25) have been with my boyfriend “jake” (m34) for 8 months. things were fine until i (against my better judgment) moved into his place a couple months ago. since then, he’s been getting kind of possessive and protective. i immediately told him to cut that shit out because it’s off-putting, and things seemed to get better. anyway, i have a friend in mexico who is getting married. i’ve been excited to fly down for her wedding since she told me she was engaged a year ago. however, jake has made it clear that he doesn’t want me to go. he says mexico is too dangerous, even though i’ve been there many times and even lived there for a year, speak spanish, have friends there, and know my way around. no matter what i say, he doesn’t want me to go. then a couple of days ago my passport went missing from my nightstand. i’m supposed to go tomorrow, so i wouldn’t have time to get a new one. i looked everywhere, no luck. when i asked jake about it, he behaved a little suspiciously, but i dismissed it because i couldn’t believe he would actually take my passport to keep me from going. but he’s been giving me some red flags, so i decided to have a thorough look around. when he went out this morning, i started going through everything. as i searched, i became increasingly certain that he took my passport. i started off carefully picking through drawers and cabinets, but as my anger grew, i became a lot less careful. i started turning out drawers, pried open a brief case, made a total mess. but i found it. it was behind some books on the bookcase in his study. i never go into his study. he definitely put it there. now he’s furious with me for going through his things and ransacking his place. he said he would have given my passport back, and there was no need for me to “go crazy.”i’m just angry that he took it to begin with, and i don’t believe him when he says he was going to give it back. this is only my third serious relationship, and i have no perspective on this kind of thing. aita for “overreacting” and ransacking my (ex)boyfriend’s place? [/INST] nta.move out immediately and don’t look back. this is the start of an abusive relationship he is starting lightly with the controlling so that you get used to it. that you even question that you are an ah for looking for your passport that he stole means that he is already succeeding. for your future safety run. you are not in so deep that you can’t get out. </s>
|
AITA for moving out when my stepsister ruined my father's day gift for my dad?
|
i f16 live with my mom, step dad, and stepsister (18) and stepbrother(20). i lost my dad to cancer when i was 13 years old. we were very close and his death was a major loss in my life.
i wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. it's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast.
my stepsister and i share a room together (my step brother has the bigger room because he's a "man") and as a result me and my stepsister are always in conflict. she wants me out during the day as she uses the room as her art studio. she recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now i'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved.
my stepsister had an argument with her brother and ruined his gaming console when he was out. he came into the room quietly in the evening. stood by the door and asked me to bring him my stepsister's acrylic paintset. i asked if he got permission he said yes so i gave it to him and went back to study.
at dinner, my step sister came downstairs yelling that her brother had access to her room and ruined her paintset. there was a lot of yelling and arguing. step dad asked how my step brother walked into the room when it was supposed to be locked. my step brother "admitted" i helped him out and brought the paintset to hi. my stepsister went off on me, called an accomplice then ran upstairs and took the gift i prepared for my dad for father's day.
(i picked up flowers i planted from our small garden that i take care of by myself. and prepared a nice wooden letter shaped pot ~used my dad's first initial~
and filled it with the flowers i picked and decorated it with ribbons. it wasn't that good but it was like a floral letter. i planned to visit his grave and put the gift there) she damaged it to pieces. it was completely ruined. i yelled at her and kept crying.
mom and stepdad gave her harsh punishment and thought it was fixable but i was so done i called my uncle who came and berated my mom and stepdad. stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but i packed my things to go with my uncle. my mom begged me to stay but i refused and didn't respond when she kept calling saying she did nothing to deserve to be shunned by me and my uncle who told the family about what happened. the family told mom not to come visit on father's day and are angry with her because i moved out over this. aita?.
| 25,778 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o45ui3/aita_for_moving_out_when_my_stepsister_ruined_my/
|
2021-06-20 13:38:27
|
nta. your mom failed you, she failed to take your feelings into account after your dad died, failed to stand up to her husband when he failed to respect you and your dad, failed to protect you from his daughter and her unreasonable demands. the only thing both of them did right was punishing your stepsister for destroying the father's day gift you made. that isn't enough to make up for all of the other crap.
if you stayed **i think your stepsister would have found some way to punish you for her getting in trouble for destroying the gift you made.** stay away if you can. yes, your mother deserves to be in trouble with the rest of the family for everything that has happened to you.
|
nta. being locked out of your own room is unacceptable. while your step family is awful, it’s your mom who is the real ah. she should be advocating and standing up for you. being locked out and not getting to keep your dads stuff is completely on her. i’m sure she had no problem spending or getting your stepdad to agree to keep any ss benefit she gets for you for your dad having passed away.
|
nta i’m so sorry that you lost your dad and i’m sorry that you have an insensitive mom. if you can stay with your uncle, i would.
your mom has not considered your feelings regarding your father, and the fact that she does nothing about how your stepfather and step sister treat you is truly awful. keep your distance.
|
nta that girl sounds absolutely horrible and needs some therapy. at least the mom and step dad were also angry at her, but holy crap. she’s 16, she knows what she did. she knows what this meant to you. she’s disgusting. also, that step brother or whatever needs to get talked to as well.
nta
|
nta- you have a very weak mother. you are better at standing up for yourself. do not move back until she grows a spine (ie. involves the court and proves that she will always have your best interests).
|
nta - absolutely nta. you were living in an emotionally negative place, and thankfully you have your uncle to help out. mom should have stood up for you long before this. sounds like your stepsister and stepbrother are both spoiled and need some maturing.
|
nta. you are in a toxic situation that you need to get out of for your own sanity. if you had stayed stepsister would have taken it out on you because she was punished.
the fact that you were being locked out of your own bedroom is just crazy. stay with uncle providing it’s a healthy atmosphere. stepdad is insecure and you will never be treated as an equal there.
|
nta
why does this sound like the plot to cinderella?
evil step-dad with an evil step brother and sister.
glad you got out of that situation and hope you can stay out if that situation. i'm sorry about what happened to your gift
|
nta.
your ("immediate") family sounds like they are all emotional leeches. i can't believe that your mom just allowed her husband and his kids to push you around like this, so badly that you felt like you couldn't live there anymore.
i'm glad that your uncle and the rest of your family are decent people.
|
nta
your stepdad and step siblings all sound awful. your mom is worse. you have almost nothing of your dads because her new husband doesn’t want any reminders of him around? that is complete bs. that alone should have been a deal breaker for her and should have kept her from marrying him in the first place. allowing him to lock you out of your own bedroom is another thing she never should have allowed to happen.
your stepsister getting in trouble for breaking your gift is the only thing either your mom or stepdad did that was right out of everything you said.
your mom’s family is mad at her for good reason. **it isn’t your fault they are mad at her, it is her fault and only her fault.** they are mad at her because she is choosing to fail to do her job as your parent. stay with your uncle as long as necessary. there is no need to go back to your mom and stepdad’s house as long as they are going to treat you as they have been when you have a safe and healthy alternative with your uncle.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f16 live with my mom, step dad, and stepsister (18) and stepbrother(20). i lost my dad to cancer when i was 13 years old. we were very close and his death was a major loss in my life. i wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. it's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast. my stepsister and i share a room together (my step brother has the bigger room because he's a "man") and as a result me and my stepsister are always in conflict. she wants me out during the day as she uses the room as her art studio. she recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now i'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved. my stepsister had an argument with her brother and ruined his gaming console when he was out. he came into the room quietly in the evening. stood by the door and asked me to bring him my stepsister's acrylic paintset. i asked if he got permission he said yes so i gave it to him and went back to study. at dinner, my step sister came downstairs yelling that her brother had access to her room and ruined her paintset. there was a lot of yelling and arguing. step dad asked how my step brother walked into the room when it was supposed to be locked. my step brother "admitted" i helped him out and brought the paintset to hi. my stepsister went off on me, called an accomplice then ran upstairs and took the gift i prepared for my dad for father's day. (i picked up flowers i planted from our small garden that i take care of by myself. and prepared a nice wooden letter shaped pot ~used my dad's first initial~ and filled it with the flowers i picked and decorated it with ribbons. it wasn't that good but it was like a floral letter. i planned to visit his grave and put the gift there) she damaged it to pieces. it was completely ruined. i yelled at her and kept crying. mom and stepdad gave her harsh punishment and thought it was fixable but i was so done i called my uncle who came and berated my mom and stepdad. stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but i packed my things to go with my uncle. my mom begged me to stay but i refused and didn't respond when she kept calling saying she did nothing to deserve to be shunned by me and my uncle who told the family about what happened. the family told mom not to come visit on father's day and are angry with her because i moved out over this. aita?.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f16 live with my mom, step dad, and stepsister (18) and stepbrother(20). i lost my dad to cancer when i was 13 years old. we were very close and his death was a major loss in my life. i wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. it's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast. my stepsister and i share a room together (my step brother has the bigger room because he's a "man") and as a result me and my stepsister are always in conflict. she wants me out during the day as she uses the room as her art studio. she recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now i'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved. my stepsister had an argument with her brother and ruined his gaming console when he was out. he came into the room quietly in the evening. stood by the door and asked me to bring him my stepsister's acrylic paintset. i asked if he got permission he said yes so i gave it to him and went back to study. at dinner, my step sister came downstairs yelling that her brother had access to her room and ruined her paintset. there was a lot of yelling and arguing. step dad asked how my step brother walked into the room when it was supposed to be locked. my step brother "admitted" i helped him out and brought the paintset to hi. my stepsister went off on me, called an accomplice then ran upstairs and took the gift i prepared for my dad for father's day. (i picked up flowers i planted from our small garden that i take care of by myself. and prepared a nice wooden letter shaped pot ~used my dad's first initial~ and filled it with the flowers i picked and decorated it with ribbons. it wasn't that good but it was like a floral letter. i planned to visit his grave and put the gift there) she damaged it to pieces. it was completely ruined. i yelled at her and kept crying. mom and stepdad gave her harsh punishment and thought it was fixable but i was so done i called my uncle who came and berated my mom and stepdad. stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but i packed my things to go with my uncle. my mom begged me to stay but i refused and didn't respond when she kept calling saying she did nothing to deserve to be shunned by me and my uncle who told the family about what happened. the family told mom not to come visit on father's day and are angry with her because i moved out over this. aita?. [/INST] nta. your mom failed you, she failed to take your feelings into account after your dad died, failed to stand up to her husband when he failed to respect you and your dad, failed to protect you from his daughter and her unreasonable demands. the only thing both of them did right was punishing your stepsister for destroying the father's day gift you made. that isn't enough to make up for all of the other crap. if you stayed **i think your stepsister would have found some way to punish you for her getting in trouble for destroying the gift you made.** stay away if you can. yes, your mother deserves to be in trouble with the rest of the family for everything that has happened to you. </s>
|
AITA for making an uncomfortable joke when my friend told me her dinner table was full with family?
|
over the last 20 years everyone is my close family has died. both my parents are gone, my grandparents on both sides, all my dad's uncles, and anyone who is still alive are scattered out among the country. all i(20f) have left is my siblings and my bil.
my friend (23f) comes from a different family. all the uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents have monthly parties, stay in touch, have big celebrations, the works. all of them are still alive and active.
i think she knows i'm sensitive to the topic as i wish i had a big family, as she sometimes makes these comments like 'you know when you get married your guest list will be so small compared to mine...but hey at least it will be cheap!' at my mom's funeral there were still a lot of open chairs and she told me if this was a family member of hers all the seats would be full. (she is aware of my many, many deceased family members)
i took some pictures of me, my siblings, and my bil cooking for thanksgiving and us playing games at the dinner table and post them on social media. she text me privately saying we looked like we were having fun, followed by pics of her huge family, and remarked the dinner table was full of family. this is where i maybe the asshole, i replied, lovely! have fun, we'd have a full table too but with the snow it's was too hard to dig everyone out of their graves.
she was silent for a few hours then replied that joke was morbid and made her uncomfortable, and i really need to check my attitude.
aita?
| 25,765 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r1zz18/aita_for_making_an_uncomfortable_joke_when_my/
|
2021-11-25 16:11:54
|
nta its your family so you get to make jokes about it.
if it makes her uncomfortable its her problem, i would be uncomfertable with her saying how big her family is.
take care op and sorry for your loses
|
your friend sounds like an ah playing the game of ‘i have more fam than you’ which is fucking weird and very insensitive.
nta. your joke made her uncomfortable because you called her out on her bullshit.
|
nta
you could reply
"that you are surprised she is uncomfortable with your morbid joke because since she keeps bringing up and going on about how small your family is knowing full well that the reason for that is they are all dead. if it is ok for her to keep referencing your deceased relatives and her live ones then surely it's ok for you to have a sense of humour about it."
follow up with "actually, i am glad this has come up because in fact it upsets me when you keep pointing out how small my family is, because they are all dead and the black humour this time was a coping mechanism. how about you stop going on about it then i won't need to make dark jokes as a defence."
|
nta
as someone who has very little living family left, i may have to borrow your joke. inadvertent or not, it is hilarious.
your friend is a tad bit out of touch with your feelings, and i have a feeling that it's not by accident. she's boasting in a passive manner and i would definitely call her on it. don't allow her to pin her inconsiderate behavior on you. if she was uncomfortable with the joke then good. now she knows what you feel like when she's cracking her big family "jokes," and claiming that it comes from a place of innocence.
|
there's no way a joke that mild made her uncomfortable. she's upset you called her out for her poor attitude and is trying to make you the bad guy.
nta
|
i think your comment was fucking brilliant and consider you are a bit of a legend. your way is so much more effective than trying to catch her at being thoughtless or suggest she is being passive aggressive! how sad for her that her only onemanship opportunity is ‘not dead over here’. nta
|
info: have you asked her not to say things like that before? because someone who does not understand severe, lossful grief does not automatically realize being sensitive to something means never to mention it. it seems like common sense, but apparently it’s not
|
nta. she's made rude remarks about your family in the past, she shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it.
what you said was funny anyway, i'd laugh if someone said that to me.
|
nta that's hilarious it is super passive aggressive though.
maybe explain it was meant as a joke but also, her comments comparing her family to yours make you uncomfortable (if it does).
if her comments dont make you uncomfortable but this has annoyed you maybe tell her if she doesnt like your sense of humour about death then you would appreciate it if she stopped comparing her family to yours.
|
nta. to be honest, whilst your friend may well know it's a sensitive topic (how can it not be) she seems to be acting quite insensitively. honestly that pointed remark may well be a long time coming as she seems to like reminding you that her family is big and yours is small.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: over the last 20 years everyone is my close family has died. both my parents are gone, my grandparents on both sides, all my dad's uncles, and anyone who is still alive are scattered out among the country. all i(20f) have left is my siblings and my bil. my friend (23f) comes from a different family. all the uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents have monthly parties, stay in touch, have big celebrations, the works. all of them are still alive and active. i think she knows i'm sensitive to the topic as i wish i had a big family, as she sometimes makes these comments like 'you know when you get married your guest list will be so small compared to mine...but hey at least it will be cheap!' at my mom's funeral there were still a lot of open chairs and she told me if this was a family member of hers all the seats would be full. (she is aware of my many, many deceased family members) i took some pictures of me, my siblings, and my bil cooking for thanksgiving and us playing games at the dinner table and post them on social media. she text me privately saying we looked like we were having fun, followed by pics of her huge family, and remarked the dinner table was full of family. this is where i maybe the asshole, i replied, lovely! have fun, we'd have a full table too but with the snow it's was too hard to dig everyone out of their graves. she was silent for a few hours then replied that joke was morbid and made her uncomfortable, and i really need to check my attitude. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
over the last 20 years everyone is my close family has died. both my parents are gone, my grandparents on both sides, all my dad's uncles, and anyone who is still alive are scattered out among the country. all i(20f) have left is my siblings and my bil. my friend (23f) comes from a different family. all the uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents have monthly parties, stay in touch, have big celebrations, the works. all of them are still alive and active. i think she knows i'm sensitive to the topic as i wish i had a big family, as she sometimes makes these comments like 'you know when you get married your guest list will be so small compared to mine...but hey at least it will be cheap!' at my mom's funeral there were still a lot of open chairs and she told me if this was a family member of hers all the seats would be full. (she is aware of my many, many deceased family members) i took some pictures of me, my siblings, and my bil cooking for thanksgiving and us playing games at the dinner table and post them on social media. she text me privately saying we looked like we were having fun, followed by pics of her huge family, and remarked the dinner table was full of family. this is where i maybe the asshole, i replied, lovely! have fun, we'd have a full table too but with the snow it's was too hard to dig everyone out of their graves. she was silent for a few hours then replied that joke was morbid and made her uncomfortable, and i really need to check my attitude. aita? [/INST] nta its your family so you get to make jokes about it. if it makes her uncomfortable its her problem, i would be uncomfertable with her saying how big her family is. take care op and sorry for your loses </s>
|
AITA for taking my daughter to get her hair cut when I knew it would upset my wife?
|
me (29m) and my wife (30f) have a little girl (8f) who i'll be calling anna.
now, anna has very thick, blonde and curly hair that my wife adores. ever since she was a toddler, she'd spend hours doing her hair every day, braiding it, straightening it and styling it in all sorts of ways. our bathroom cabinets are always filled to the brim with a bunch of hair lotions, oils, creams and other fancy products i don't even know the names of. so i think it's more than fair to say that my wife's a bit obsessed with the whole hair thing. anna, however, has never been too fond of getting her hair done, or of anything that involves having to sit still for more than a few minutes.
before she got it cut, her hair used to reach past her waist. and while it looked lovely, she hated getting it brushed and every morning used to be a screaming fest between her and my wife. lately, she'd been begging for a shorter haircut. my wife ignored her whenever the topic was brought up in hopes that she'd forget about it, but none of that ended up happening.
i think anna realized she was getting nowhere with her mom, because she started asking me to take her instead. i was reluctant to at first because i didn't know how my wife would react, but i agreed when i saw just how excited the kid was over something as simple as a haircut.
so yesterday i drove her to the hairdresser, where she got to flip through a lot of magazines and pick a picture of a haircut. and when she chose a really short clipper cut, i knew i was gonna be in deep shit with my wife. at that point though, there was no turning back. i mean, what could i have really done? told her that no, she can't get the haircut she was so over the moon about, all because her mom wouldn't like it? i couldn't do that.
so we went ahead with the haircut, and by the end of it anna couldn't stop smiling. she went around the salon showing it off to everyone and even asked me to take a bunch of pictures even though she normally hates having pictures taken of her. we did get one rude comment from an older woman at the salon, something along the lines of 'you can't even tell if she's a boy or a girl now', but anna was way too excited about her hair to notice, and if she did notice she didn't care.
when my wife got home from work that day though, things quickly took a turn for the worse. she refused to even look at anna, locked herself in her room and cried then got in the car and drove off. it's been a day now and she's still not back, it's honestly starting to worry me. i knew she wouldn't react well to the haircut but i wasn't expecting her to take it this badly. the kid's upset too and no matter how much i reassure her she still thinks she's in trouble for getting her hair cut.
aita? i realize how attached my wife was to anna's hair, but at the end of the day i still think it's just hair. the kid's old enough to decide these things for herself and she was really happy with the haircut, so i don't think i did something wrong here.
| 25,752 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uarm30/aita_for_taking_my_daughter_to_get_her_hair_cut/
|
2022-04-24 10:10:17
|
nta, but crying, locking herself away, and driving off are not normal responses, even for someone who is really upset. is something else going on with your wife?
|
this isn’t about anna’s hair. it’s about her body autonomy. i’ve made a few comments elsewhere, but this situation has been sitting on my mind. what your wife has been doing and is continuing to do is sending the message to anna that her body is not her own, and despite her own desires, she should put other people’s feeling about what she does with her body first. is this really the message you want your daughter learning? think about the long term implications of learning to give in to other people’s wants about her body.
the other thing that is really concerning me is that you say that anna doesn’t like to sit for more than a few minutes. so how is her mum making her sit for hours getting her hair braided? bribery? manipulation? invalidation of her feelings? braiding can hurt if strands are accidentally pulled or it’s done too tight. if anna’s expressing that the styling is hurting what is happening? does it stop or does her mother get frustrated and ignore or dismiss her?
there’s a whole boat load of concerning behaviours here from your wife that seriously need to be dealt with, but right now you need to make sure anna knows that she did the right thing, her hair is beautiful and none of this is her fault or responsibility.
|
is your wife a freaking mother gothel from tangled? does she love the child or does she love the hair ffs?
nta, a kid has their right to choose what's being done with their body.
|
nta for taking her. she's 8 and she should have a say in how she wears her hair.
but y t a for doing it behind your wife's back.
btw your wife needs to seek professional help if this is how she reacts to a haircut.
|
nta. my mom never let me choose how i got my haircut, i’m now over 40 and still resent her for it. it’s just hair. your wife is being way over dramatic
|
nta. it was either you took her to get it cut or she got in the drawer and used the scissors.
|
nta you're a good parent for listening to your kid. you need to talk to your wife though because her reaction to a haircut is not healthy behavior.
|
nta
i think it is actually insane that your wife is throwing a fit, and emphasize fit because i feel she is actually extremely childlike based on her reaction you described, over your child getting her hair cut. this actually even more ridiculous because it isn’t even something you we’re forcing on your child but something that she wanted. and to top it all off her hair will just grow back eventually if your child decides she doesn’t like it short. also in regards to another comment that another user made; you really should talk to your wife about her reaction because it is just ridiculous.
tldr: nta, good for you for listening to your child and letting her explore different ways of expressing herself.
|
nta, your wife had plenty of time to prepare for this outcome when anna started asking her for a haircut. you listened to your daughter and helped her get what she needed. this is probably the time for your wife to learn that anna is her own person and has her own preferences. please don't stop advocating for your daughter.
|
soft yta, but not for letting the kid have a haircut she wanted, that part is fine. for not taking the time and effort to sit down with your wife first and talk it out, try and see why she was so attached to the hair, try and get her to see that it's really the kid's call, look for a solution. because this has to be about more than just hair, that is not a normal reaction to a child getting a haircut no matter how much you dislike it.
you're gonna have to do that now and it's gonna be so much harder... and it's gonna be so much more upsetting for the kid who is now in danger of believing she has to choose between bodily autonomy and a relationship with her mother.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me (29m) and my wife (30f) have a little girl (8f) who i'll be calling anna. now, anna has very thick, blonde and curly hair that my wife adores. ever since she was a toddler, she'd spend hours doing her hair every day, braiding it, straightening it and styling it in all sorts of ways. our bathroom cabinets are always filled to the brim with a bunch of hair lotions, oils, creams and other fancy products i don't even know the names of. so i think it's more than fair to say that my wife's a bit obsessed with the whole hair thing. anna, however, has never been too fond of getting her hair done, or of anything that involves having to sit still for more than a few minutes. before she got it cut, her hair used to reach past her waist. and while it looked lovely, she hated getting it brushed and every morning used to be a screaming fest between her and my wife. lately, she'd been begging for a shorter haircut. my wife ignored her whenever the topic was brought up in hopes that she'd forget about it, but none of that ended up happening. i think anna realized she was getting nowhere with her mom, because she started asking me to take her instead. i was reluctant to at first because i didn't know how my wife would react, but i agreed when i saw just how excited the kid was over something as simple as a haircut. so yesterday i drove her to the hairdresser, where she got to flip through a lot of magazines and pick a picture of a haircut. and when she chose a really short clipper cut, i knew i was gonna be in deep shit with my wife. at that point though, there was no turning back. i mean, what could i have really done? told her that no, she can't get the haircut she was so over the moon about, all because her mom wouldn't like it? i couldn't do that. so we went ahead with the haircut, and by the end of it anna couldn't stop smiling. she went around the salon showing it off to everyone and even asked me to take a bunch of pictures even though she normally hates having pictures taken of her. we did get one rude comment from an older woman at the salon, something along the lines of 'you can't even tell if she's a boy or a girl now', but anna was way too excited about her hair to notice, and if she did notice she didn't care. when my wife got home from work that day though, things quickly took a turn for the worse. she refused to even look at anna, locked herself in her room and cried then got in the car and drove off. it's been a day now and she's still not back, it's honestly starting to worry me. i knew she wouldn't react well to the haircut but i wasn't expecting her to take it this badly. the kid's upset too and no matter how much i reassure her she still thinks she's in trouble for getting her hair cut. aita? i realize how attached my wife was to anna's hair, but at the end of the day i still think it's just hair. the kid's old enough to decide these things for herself and she was really happy with the haircut, so i don't think i did something wrong here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me (29m) and my wife (30f) have a little girl (8f) who i'll be calling anna. now, anna has very thick, blonde and curly hair that my wife adores. ever since she was a toddler, she'd spend hours doing her hair every day, braiding it, straightening it and styling it in all sorts of ways. our bathroom cabinets are always filled to the brim with a bunch of hair lotions, oils, creams and other fancy products i don't even know the names of. so i think it's more than fair to say that my wife's a bit obsessed with the whole hair thing. anna, however, has never been too fond of getting her hair done, or of anything that involves having to sit still for more than a few minutes. before she got it cut, her hair used to reach past her waist. and while it looked lovely, she hated getting it brushed and every morning used to be a screaming fest between her and my wife. lately, she'd been begging for a shorter haircut. my wife ignored her whenever the topic was brought up in hopes that she'd forget about it, but none of that ended up happening. i think anna realized she was getting nowhere with her mom, because she started asking me to take her instead. i was reluctant to at first because i didn't know how my wife would react, but i agreed when i saw just how excited the kid was over something as simple as a haircut. so yesterday i drove her to the hairdresser, where she got to flip through a lot of magazines and pick a picture of a haircut. and when she chose a really short clipper cut, i knew i was gonna be in deep shit with my wife. at that point though, there was no turning back. i mean, what could i have really done? told her that no, she can't get the haircut she was so over the moon about, all because her mom wouldn't like it? i couldn't do that. so we went ahead with the haircut, and by the end of it anna couldn't stop smiling. she went around the salon showing it off to everyone and even asked me to take a bunch of pictures even though she normally hates having pictures taken of her. we did get one rude comment from an older woman at the salon, something along the lines of 'you can't even tell if she's a boy or a girl now', but anna was way too excited about her hair to notice, and if she did notice she didn't care. when my wife got home from work that day though, things quickly took a turn for the worse. she refused to even look at anna, locked herself in her room and cried then got in the car and drove off. it's been a day now and she's still not back, it's honestly starting to worry me. i knew she wouldn't react well to the haircut but i wasn't expecting her to take it this badly. the kid's upset too and no matter how much i reassure her she still thinks she's in trouble for getting her hair cut. aita? i realize how attached my wife was to anna's hair, but at the end of the day i still think it's just hair. the kid's old enough to decide these things for herself and she was really happy with the haircut, so i don't think i did something wrong here. [/INST] nta, but crying, locking herself away, and driving off are not normal responses, even for someone who is really upset. is something else going on with your wife? </s>
|
AITA for asking for pocket money because "I am a kid too"
|
i am 19f, have a little brother who is 8, and living with my parents at the moment. i am still studying so i cannot pay rent yet, but i do earn my own pocket money from part-time jobs.
my father's 3 brothers and their family came to our town for a vacation for 3 days over the weekend. they have not met for years so it's their big gathering and they had been planning for a long time. that plan seemed to have the members split into 2 groups - the adults and the kids. i had been arranged to join the kids' group, when i tried to protest they insist that i am a "kid" too, so i just had to submit to my fate. clearly they all just wanted a babysitter for their 5 kids(age 5-10) while they "adults" get out and enjoy their reunion.
so i spent the weekend babysitting a total of 5 kids. that includes organizing games at home to entertain them, bring them to science park and the likes for outings and food and just overall watch over their safety and be an "adult" when needed. to be honest it was quite fun, though tiring when i sometimes had to raise my voice to make myself heard and drag the younger ones back when they stray too far(i admit, i am not really babysitter material). the kids seem to like me, so i guess it went well too. however, i still would rather be either hanging out with other adults or just having my weekend to my own.
when my 3 uncles' families' were leaving after the weekend, they gave pocket money to each of the kids, including my brother, my father also gave pocket money to each of my cousins. almost as expected, there wasn't a share for me. now, i don't really care about the pocket money, they are just a couple of notes i can easily earn in a few hours, but i am rather annoyed for the fact that conveniently, i was skipped for being an "adult" this time.
i put on the biggest smile i and asked politely for pocket money from my uncles and aunt-in laws. they were a little taken aback. i said as sweetly as i could that i deserve pocket money too for being a "kid", they said so themselves. in all awkwardness i got my pocket money. needless to say, my parents looked like they had shit smeared across their faces.
i got the biggest shit from my parents after they left. in their words, i am a major ah to have deliberately made my parents lose face, and so on and so forth. aita?
| 25,752 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2mewl/aita_for_asking_for_pocket_money_because_i_am_a/
|
2019-09-11 07:31:06
|
nta
it is kinda in poor taste considering you do work, but they conveniently categorize you as a child or adult based on their needs. need a free babysitter? kid. handing out pocket money to children? now you’re an adult. it was the adultier adults here who were assholes. they used you for free childcare when they could have literally just asked you do to it. i’m sure you would have said yes if they hadn’t manipulated you into doing it.
good on you for asking for the cash anyway. you can give it to your brother if you like, but the point is you taught the adults a lesson. just because you are someone’s child does not make you a child.
|
nta
either they pay you pocket money for being a kid, or they pay you a hourly rate for being a babysitter. their choice.
|
i-n-f-o: were you paid for your babysitting duties?
|
>deliberately made my parents lose face
no, their allowing you to be treated unfairly for their benefit made them lose face. nta, and thanks for the laugh!
|
hahahaha nta at all! that was a boss move! parents have the worst double standards, always extra critical when it comes to our responsibilities once we turn adults, but in the same vein when we demand our rights, suddenly we are just children again! yes, you embarrassed your parents and relatives, but honestly, they deserved it.
|
nta
lol. they got what they had coming.
but i wouldn't have asked for pocket money. i would have asked prior to the event to be paid per hour for babysitting. if they had refused then you could have declined doing it.
|
nta. go to your parents and apologise and say you'll also apologise to your uncles and return the pocket money... if they pay your babysitting bill. and show them how much the babysitting would have cost, broken down by cost per hour per child. show them this thread to let them know they are guilty of major double-standards.
|
hahaha nta at all, you should have asked for more considering they worked you all weekend. well played
|
yta
a beautiful, well thought out asshole, but an asshole nonetheless.
i applaud what you did. it is exactly what you parents, aunts, and uncles deserved, but let's make no mistake, you were intentionally an asshole. it was a truly brilliant move.
in life there are moments when being an asshole is necessary. this was one of them.
|
nta. they got free babysitting and clearly don’t respect you. it’s such a pet peeve when people blatantly flip the kid/adult switch with the teens/yas in their lives according to whichever benefits them most at that moment.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am 19f, have a little brother who is 8, and living with my parents at the moment. i am still studying so i cannot pay rent yet, but i do earn my own pocket money from part-time jobs. my father's 3 brothers and their family came to our town for a vacation for 3 days over the weekend. they have not met for years so it's their big gathering and they had been planning for a long time. that plan seemed to have the members split into 2 groups - the adults and the kids. i had been arranged to join the kids' group, when i tried to protest they insist that i am a "kid" too, so i just had to submit to my fate. clearly they all just wanted a babysitter for their 5 kids(age 5-10) while they "adults" get out and enjoy their reunion. so i spent the weekend babysitting a total of 5 kids. that includes organizing games at home to entertain them, bring them to science park and the likes for outings and food and just overall watch over their safety and be an "adult" when needed. to be honest it was quite fun, though tiring when i sometimes had to raise my voice to make myself heard and drag the younger ones back when they stray too far(i admit, i am not really babysitter material). the kids seem to like me, so i guess it went well too. however, i still would rather be either hanging out with other adults or just having my weekend to my own. when my 3 uncles' families' were leaving after the weekend, they gave pocket money to each of the kids, including my brother, my father also gave pocket money to each of my cousins. almost as expected, there wasn't a share for me. now, i don't really care about the pocket money, they are just a couple of notes i can easily earn in a few hours, but i am rather annoyed for the fact that conveniently, i was skipped for being an "adult" this time. i put on the biggest smile i and asked politely for pocket money from my uncles and aunt-in laws. they were a little taken aback. i said as sweetly as i could that i deserve pocket money too for being a "kid", they said so themselves. in all awkwardness i got my pocket money. needless to say, my parents looked like they had shit smeared across their faces. i got the biggest shit from my parents after they left. in their words, i am a major ah to have deliberately made my parents lose face, and so on and so forth. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am 19f, have a little brother who is 8, and living with my parents at the moment. i am still studying so i cannot pay rent yet, but i do earn my own pocket money from part-time jobs. my father's 3 brothers and their family came to our town for a vacation for 3 days over the weekend. they have not met for years so it's their big gathering and they had been planning for a long time. that plan seemed to have the members split into 2 groups - the adults and the kids. i had been arranged to join the kids' group, when i tried to protest they insist that i am a "kid" too, so i just had to submit to my fate. clearly they all just wanted a babysitter for their 5 kids(age 5-10) while they "adults" get out and enjoy their reunion. so i spent the weekend babysitting a total of 5 kids. that includes organizing games at home to entertain them, bring them to science park and the likes for outings and food and just overall watch over their safety and be an "adult" when needed. to be honest it was quite fun, though tiring when i sometimes had to raise my voice to make myself heard and drag the younger ones back when they stray too far(i admit, i am not really babysitter material). the kids seem to like me, so i guess it went well too. however, i still would rather be either hanging out with other adults or just having my weekend to my own. when my 3 uncles' families' were leaving after the weekend, they gave pocket money to each of the kids, including my brother, my father also gave pocket money to each of my cousins. almost as expected, there wasn't a share for me. now, i don't really care about the pocket money, they are just a couple of notes i can easily earn in a few hours, but i am rather annoyed for the fact that conveniently, i was skipped for being an "adult" this time. i put on the biggest smile i and asked politely for pocket money from my uncles and aunt-in laws. they were a little taken aback. i said as sweetly as i could that i deserve pocket money too for being a "kid", they said so themselves. in all awkwardness i got my pocket money. needless to say, my parents looked like they had shit smeared across their faces. i got the biggest shit from my parents after they left. in their words, i am a major ah to have deliberately made my parents lose face, and so on and so forth. aita? [/INST] nta it is kinda in poor taste considering you do work, but they conveniently categorize you as a child or adult based on their needs. need a free babysitter? kid. handing out pocket money to children? now you’re an adult. it was the adultier adults here who were assholes. they used you for free childcare when they could have literally just asked you do to it. i’m sure you would have said yes if they hadn’t manipulated you into doing it. good on you for asking for the cash anyway. you can give it to your brother if you like, but the point is you taught the adults a lesson. just because you are someone’s child does not make you a child. </s>
|
AITA for rejecting the role of "cool aunt" because it was really more like unpaid babysitter?
|
my sister and i have always been very different. growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. she bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same.
i always felt kind of "different" from the others because i'm not very "geeky" and while i did my best to fit in (star wars movies, harry potter, etc), i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design. i always loved making my own clothes. to frame it one way... i made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls.
well, sis had kids a while back. i sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. sis received them warmly, but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is "harry potter" themed.
due to covid, i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo i'd been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). once sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. i was thrilled because i thought *she* wanted to spend more time with me.
except the plans were like... i take the kids to the zoo, i take them to the park, i take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. i inquired about when she and i would spend time together, and she actually said "it's not like we have anything in common we can do together."
i was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. she asked me why, and didn't i want to be the cool aunt, and this is where i think i'm the asshole.
i said "i don't know, it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together. sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter."
she was shocked and went stomping to mom and dad, who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids. i said why, it's not like anyone in the family has *ever* made it a point to spend time with me doing something *i'd* enjoy. she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them.
i'm lost now, because on the one hand, i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. but maybe my mom is right and i've been a shitty member of the family because i couldn't just get into star wars and all that.
**
| 25,717 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i62p53/aita_for_rejecting_the_role_of_cool_aunt_because/
|
2020-08-08 17:10:13
|
nta - never the arsehole. your sister is an entitled brat and your parents clearly play favourites. just because you’re into fashion doesn’t mean you chase popularity, in the same way that being a geek doesn’t stop you from being a brat who craves attention from mummy and daddy.
you stood your ground and voiced your emotions about how you felt about how they treated you, and their response was “we didn’t try and make an effort with you because you’re interests didn’t match up with ours”
not only does your sister need a reality check, but your parents need to take a good hard look at themselves
[edit] - thank you for the awards kind strangers :)
|
nta- and your family is pretty toxic.
also what your mom said is pretty manipulative. she’s gonna blame you for her lack of being a decent parent? yeah no. you don’t owe anyone free babysitting. especially the way your sister talked to you
|
nta your sister never had any interest in you before and now she wants to take advantage of you.
>she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them,
the answer to your mom is that if she had tried harder to appreciate the differences between her daughters, there would probably have been a different outcome.
don't fight with these people. you're successful with like-minded people, leave them to their alternate universe.
|
nta. your sister does want an unpaid babysitter. my sister is the same way. she and your parents are gaslighting you into agreeing
|
nta
your family is ridiculous. *oh, you don't want to be a clone? well, no love for you then.*
|
nta - i have kids and would much rather pay someone else to watch them while i spent time with my siblings than have my siblings watch them. she is obviously trying to use you in this situation. also, just because you have different interests from them doesn’t mean your interests are any less valid than theirs. you’re allowed to love the things you love.
i’m sorry your family has been so uncaring and selfish.
by the way, you could always use malicious compliance and induct her kids into all things fashion. that would be hilarious.
|
nta if your sister wanted you to be the “cool aunt” she would’ve said, “i’d love for you and the kids to bond and spend time together” not “if love for you to take the kids so i don’t have to have them”. that’s babysitting. and i bet she wouldn’t have paid for the activities.
your parents play favorites, and gaslight you. where does it say that to have a meaningful relationship with your child, they have to like what you like? when it’s as easy as saying “hey we want to dress as these characters, would you like to help us make the costumes?” or “can you show me how to sew?”
i don’t begrudge your response because you went with good intentions, but your sister had expectations for herself.
|
i was on the fence until i read
>she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them.
definitely nta. they’re getting mad at you for not being like them. they’re calling you vain for liking fashion. they’re not hanging out with you and not taking your side just because you have different interests. that’s unfair.
|
nta. my brother totally stopped even responding to my texts and calls inviting him to get coffee or lunch once he realized i like his kids and will hang with them as a “babysitter” when needed. five solid years of only hearing from my brother when he needed a babysitter and him ducking out to sleep or play video games during family trips for the last decade if it looked at all like i could see his son made me realize he has no respect for me. being the cool auntie is super fun, but feeling rejected by your family because they can’t be bothered to get to know the “different” sibling really stings. it’s good you can see the situation for what it is and express your boundaries clearly.
congratulations on your fit education! fashion and apparel design are not easy and require both talent and dedication.
your sister needs to read a different book.
|
[deleted]
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and i have always been very different. growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. she bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same. i always felt kind of "different" from the others because i'm not very "geeky" and while i did my best to fit in (star wars movies, harry potter, etc), i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design. i always loved making my own clothes. to frame it one way... i made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls. well, sis had kids a while back. i sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. sis received them warmly, but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is "harry potter" themed. due to covid, i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo i'd been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). once sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. i was thrilled because i thought *she* wanted to spend more time with me. except the plans were like... i take the kids to the zoo, i take them to the park, i take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. i inquired about when she and i would spend time together, and she actually said "it's not like we have anything in common we can do together." i was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. she asked me why, and didn't i want to be the cool aunt, and this is where i think i'm the asshole. i said "i don't know, it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together. sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter." she was shocked and went stomping to mom and dad, who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids. i said why, it's not like anyone in the family has *ever* made it a point to spend time with me doing something *i'd* enjoy. she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them. i'm lost now, because on the one hand, i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. but maybe my mom is right and i've been a shitty member of the family because i couldn't just get into star wars and all that. **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister and i have always been very different. growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. she bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same. i always felt kind of "different" from the others because i'm not very "geeky" and while i did my best to fit in (star wars movies, harry potter, etc), i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design. i always loved making my own clothes. to frame it one way... i made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls. well, sis had kids a while back. i sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. sis received them warmly, but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is "harry potter" themed. due to covid, i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo i'd been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). once sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. i was thrilled because i thought *she* wanted to spend more time with me. except the plans were like... i take the kids to the zoo, i take them to the park, i take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. i inquired about when she and i would spend time together, and she actually said "it's not like we have anything in common we can do together." i was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. she asked me why, and didn't i want to be the cool aunt, and this is where i think i'm the asshole. i said "i don't know, it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together. sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter." she was shocked and went stomping to mom and dad, who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids. i said why, it's not like anyone in the family has *ever* made it a point to spend time with me doing something *i'd* enjoy. she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them. i'm lost now, because on the one hand, i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. but maybe my mom is right and i've been a shitty member of the family because i couldn't just get into star wars and all that. ** [/INST] nta - never the arsehole. your sister is an entitled brat and your parents clearly play favourites. just because you’re into fashion doesn’t mean you chase popularity, in the same way that being a geek doesn’t stop you from being a brat who craves attention from mummy and daddy. you stood your ground and voiced your emotions about how you felt about how they treated you, and their response was “we didn’t try and make an effort with you because you’re interests didn’t match up with ours” not only does your sister need a reality check, but your parents need to take a good hard look at themselves [edit] - thank you for the awards kind strangers :) </s>
|
AITA for kicking my daughter out after she crossed a line?
|
i(m51) have 3 children, 1 girl,1 boy, and one child is gender neutral, my son eric(m22) is the oldest, eva(m20) is the middle child, and charlie(17) is my youngest(i'm still very new to the whole lgbtq thing so please correct me if i say something wrong) , now sadly when the children were all young (11,9,6) there mother/my wife passed away in a car accident and i'v been raising them by myself ever since as i'v chosen to never remarry since my wife was/is the love of my life
i'll say i'm definitely not a perfect father but i'v done the best i could to raise my children, now eva has always been a bit more wild then her other siblings even before her mothers passing, i'v tried everything ranging from having sit down talks with her to putting her in therapy as well as taking parenting classes and reading books to see what i could possibly do to help, therapy did seem to help a little bit but decided to stop soon after she turned 18, now let me tell you the story as to why i'm here
now my daughter eva still lives with me and charlie as she goes to school, and has definitely been home more due to the pandemic, but has started to go out more now that they are letting up on some of the regulations, now i was out getting dinner with an old high school buddy of mine when i get a panicked call from my son who had been at my house hanging out with his siblings, to summarize what he told me, he got into an argument with eva and charlie sided with him, eva became very volatile and even called charlie a slur, which is a big hell no for me, so i headed home and tried to calm everything down
i told eva i didn't care about what they had been arguing about, and that she wasn't allowed to disrespect charlie or eric like that, me and eva ended up now being the ones to start arguing but i soon shut it down when i realized it wasn't gonna help, i forced her to apologize and took away her car privileges until she could learn to respect her siblings and i thought it was the end of that, well the next morning after work i ended up coming home and finding scraps of papers all over, at first i didn't get it but then soon found out that she cut up about half a dozen letters her mother had written me when i was much younger, i was livid, (i know it was her because i have a couple cameras in my house) i just walked into her room and told her to get out, she was smug and rolled her eyes but then i yelled "get the fuck out of my house" and she realized i was serious, she was crying and screaming but i had felt sorta numb at that point and she left with a friend of hers
but now i feel like i was being too harsh but i wanna stand my ground
aita for this?
(edit, she did know about the cameras, but they're really just there for my dog)
(another edit, woah i just checked back in on this post after a long day and was not expecting so many people to respond, i promise ill try and read everything as fast as i can!)
| 25,639 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o0daip/aita_for_kicking_my_daughter_out_after_she/
|
2021-06-15 12:33:52
|
nta. she's 20 which is old enough to grasp the maliciousness of her actions as well as the potential repercussions. i'm sorry that you lost the letters, that sounds pretty devastating. maybe they can be salvaged as a collage art piece?
|
alright, i'm putting this together after reading through many of the other comments, and i'll be using info i've grabbed from them to help me in my rating.
1st: the original argument between charlie and eva occurred because she scratched their car and refused to apologize.
(
|
i can’t imagine the pain you’ve gone through and dealing with a child like her.
we’re any actions here ok? no, i think in the heat of the moment it is really hard to control yourself over the loss of such a treasure you had from your wife.
when it’s cooled down and you feel the regret for acting harsh towards your daughter i think you should have a boundary meeting between you and your other children about this and get their input.
then you talk to eva and lay it all out. her shenanigans are over. she needs to atone and apologize.
does she get to move back in? no, i think it’s time she felt repercussions. does that mean you cut her off? no, it does mean you are very selective in how you financially support her and setting rule for your continued support. if she fails y’all i’d cut her off.
good luck.
nta
*thank you all for the awards*
|
nta. she is an adult and can find her own way if she is that disrespectful.
as the child of a mother who passed when i was 10 i do find it very odd that any child would destroy anything like this that was left from their mother....unless they are completely psychotic, this cannot possibly be real.
|
nta. this would definitely tame her and set her upright. side note: i belong to the lgbt community and would like to tell you that you might have just saved charlie's heart from a break. for your daughter, it might have been a callous throw of slur, but for charlie, it'd have been a hurtful blow.
let your daughter in once she's realised how hurtful she's been and apologises to you all. she'd beware that next time she crosses the line, that'd be it for her.
also, i am really sorry, man, for those letters shredded. and tbh, your action was justified in response.
|
nta at 20 years of age she’s a adult and this kind in behaviour towards you and charlie is unacceptable. this could be a serious life lesson for her and one she desperately needs. also i’m sorry for your loss
|
that seems like a really ridiculous thing for her to do over a single argument. also, she lives there but she doesn't know that you have cameras in your house? surely there's more to this story.
|
nta, i don’t blame you for kicking your adult child out of your home for that kind of irreparable transgression. that’s fucked up.
|
nta. as a former nightmare daughter she really does need tough love. my parents enabled me and that dragged everything out for years.
i will say that i didn’t become a nightmare just “because”. i was absolutely acting out plus i was dealing with undiagnosed anxiety and adhd. so i’d just keep that in mind. good luck. i got better, anyone can!
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(m51) have 3 children, 1 girl,1 boy, and one child is gender neutral, my son eric(m22) is the oldest, eva(m20) is the middle child, and charlie(17) is my youngest(i'm still very new to the whole lgbtq thing so please correct me if i say something wrong) , now sadly when the children were all young (11,9,6) there mother/my wife passed away in a car accident and i'v been raising them by myself ever since as i'v chosen to never remarry since my wife was/is the love of my life i'll say i'm definitely not a perfect father but i'v done the best i could to raise my children, now eva has always been a bit more wild then her other siblings even before her mothers passing, i'v tried everything ranging from having sit down talks with her to putting her in therapy as well as taking parenting classes and reading books to see what i could possibly do to help, therapy did seem to help a little bit but decided to stop soon after she turned 18, now let me tell you the story as to why i'm here now my daughter eva still lives with me and charlie as she goes to school, and has definitely been home more due to the pandemic, but has started to go out more now that they are letting up on some of the regulations, now i was out getting dinner with an old high school buddy of mine when i get a panicked call from my son who had been at my house hanging out with his siblings, to summarize what he told me, he got into an argument with eva and charlie sided with him, eva became very volatile and even called charlie a slur, which is a big hell no for me, so i headed home and tried to calm everything down i told eva i didn't care about what they had been arguing about, and that she wasn't allowed to disrespect charlie or eric like that, me and eva ended up now being the ones to start arguing but i soon shut it down when i realized it wasn't gonna help, i forced her to apologize and took away her car privileges until she could learn to respect her siblings and i thought it was the end of that, well the next morning after work i ended up coming home and finding scraps of papers all over, at first i didn't get it but then soon found out that she cut up about half a dozen letters her mother had written me when i was much younger, i was livid, (i know it was her because i have a couple cameras in my house) i just walked into her room and told her to get out, she was smug and rolled her eyes but then i yelled "get the fuck out of my house" and she realized i was serious, she was crying and screaming but i had felt sorta numb at that point and she left with a friend of hers but now i feel like i was being too harsh but i wanna stand my ground aita for this? (edit, she did know about the cameras, but they're really just there for my dog) (another edit, woah i just checked back in on this post after a long day and was not expecting so many people to respond, i promise ill try and read everything as fast as i can!)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(m51) have 3 children, 1 girl,1 boy, and one child is gender neutral, my son eric(m22) is the oldest, eva(m20) is the middle child, and charlie(17) is my youngest(i'm still very new to the whole lgbtq thing so please correct me if i say something wrong) , now sadly when the children were all young (11,9,6) there mother/my wife passed away in a car accident and i'v been raising them by myself ever since as i'v chosen to never remarry since my wife was/is the love of my life i'll say i'm definitely not a perfect father but i'v done the best i could to raise my children, now eva has always been a bit more wild then her other siblings even before her mothers passing, i'v tried everything ranging from having sit down talks with her to putting her in therapy as well as taking parenting classes and reading books to see what i could possibly do to help, therapy did seem to help a little bit but decided to stop soon after she turned 18, now let me tell you the story as to why i'm here now my daughter eva still lives with me and charlie as she goes to school, and has definitely been home more due to the pandemic, but has started to go out more now that they are letting up on some of the regulations, now i was out getting dinner with an old high school buddy of mine when i get a panicked call from my son who had been at my house hanging out with his siblings, to summarize what he told me, he got into an argument with eva and charlie sided with him, eva became very volatile and even called charlie a slur, which is a big hell no for me, so i headed home and tried to calm everything down i told eva i didn't care about what they had been arguing about, and that she wasn't allowed to disrespect charlie or eric like that, me and eva ended up now being the ones to start arguing but i soon shut it down when i realized it wasn't gonna help, i forced her to apologize and took away her car privileges until she could learn to respect her siblings and i thought it was the end of that, well the next morning after work i ended up coming home and finding scraps of papers all over, at first i didn't get it but then soon found out that she cut up about half a dozen letters her mother had written me when i was much younger, i was livid, (i know it was her because i have a couple cameras in my house) i just walked into her room and told her to get out, she was smug and rolled her eyes but then i yelled "get the fuck out of my house" and she realized i was serious, she was crying and screaming but i had felt sorta numb at that point and she left with a friend of hers but now i feel like i was being too harsh but i wanna stand my ground aita for this? (edit, she did know about the cameras, but they're really just there for my dog) (another edit, woah i just checked back in on this post after a long day and was not expecting so many people to respond, i promise ill try and read everything as fast as i can!) [/INST] nta. she's 20 which is old enough to grasp the maliciousness of her actions as well as the potential repercussions. i'm sorry that you lost the letters, that sounds pretty devastating. maybe they can be salvaged as a collage art piece? </s>
|
|
AITA for turning off the wifi when my husband camps in the bathroom for extended lengths of time.
|
my husband and i are the parents of twins who are less than a year old. anytime my husband should be doing something with the children ( it's his turn for a diaper, a bottle, even just soothing a fussy newborn) he always goes to the bathroom first. we are both on maternity / paternity leave currently.
my husband is on medication that makes him spend a lot of time in the bathroom about an hour after a meal. it's a medication he has been on and off several times over the past year. he is never on it for more than a few weeks, and it does not effect him all the time, but he always claims that is why he is in the bathroom. ( i did ask, the doctor didnt say it was impossible, but highly unlikely. doc wanted him to come in for a checkup if this was the case and husband said oh it's not that bad and refuses to go in )
i would rather let him use the restroom first than have to put down a baby mid task, but over the past couple months he has been spending more and more time in there. he always takes his phone. he is always watching youtube. his average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter.
it's the most frustrating when it comes time to feed them ( one of the twins needs to be held specifically for health reasons, so i can not double feed ) because we will get up, i will warm up bottles, change one baby bum, get the first one fed, burped, and laid down in their crib, get the other baby changed and be setteling down to feed baby number two before he can be bothered to emerge and figure out why one child has been screaming because they had to watch their sibling eat l, and then the other when cry when they dont get to cuddle at all because i have to immediately set them down to feed the hysterically sobbing child.
yesterday was a week and a half sence i started truly keeping track, and he, only twice in 10 days, not ditched me to go camp out in the bathroom and let me finish %80 of the childcare.
today i started a new rule. if he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, i flip the wifi off. he has not spend more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset. i feel like the fact that without the wifi his uncontrollable toilet issue cleared up rather quickly proves why it needs to be done, but he feels i am being unreasonable, and i need to make sure sleep deprivation isnt makeing me an asshole.
tldr: aita for turning off the wifi when my husband is in the bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding domestic and fatherly duties.
| 25,639 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elpvjj/aita_for_turning_off_the_wifi_when_my_husband/
|
2020-01-08 08:09:43
|
nta. what kind of a man fucks around on the internet while his baby screams and cries? he deserves it.
|
nta
he got busted hiding in the bathroom to avoid parenting. if turning off the wifi works, do it.
|
nta; i’m getting angry just reading about his shitty behavior.
|
nta. however, you should have a talk with your husband about his habit. given that you turning off the wifi somehow helped him improve his condition, you could logically assume that he’s perfectly fine in this regard. talk to him about him helping out with parenting.
|
where are you ladies finding these useless men to marry and procreate with? if i had a nickel for every aita post about men being worthless partners i wouldn't have to work.
&#x200b;
e: damn, thanks for the metals, y'all. though it'd be better if you spent that money donating to good causes! consider donating to:
planned parenthood ([https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-involved/other-ways-give](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-involved/other-ways-give))
helen keller international ([https://www.hki.org/](https://www.hki.org/))
support for firefighter families in australia ([https://www.rfs.nsw.gov.au/news-and-media/general-news/featured/support-for-firefighter-families](https://www.rfs.nsw.gov.au/news-and-media/general-news/featured/support-for-firefighter-families))
support rescue efforts for animals in australia ([https://www.gofundme.com/f/rescue-wildlife-from-the-australian-bushfires](https://www.gofundme.com/f/rescue-wildlife-from-the-australian-bushfires))
&#x200b;
i'm not gonna respond to any of the replies, but feel free to pm me if you're really jonesing for a conversation about this.
|
nta as a mother of twins it is hard work and he isn’t pulling his weight and you’ve just proved it.
mine are now toddlers and i fully admit i go for longer wees as it’s my quiet place but i don’t when something needs doing.
i’ve also fed a baby while on the toilet because i literally couldn’t hold any longer. call his bluff and tell him if he’s going to be there a while he might as well take the baby to feed and cuddle as well.
i would have a talk about how you feel when he leaves you to do it all. either with him or with someone else, you need to let those emotions out or they will cause resentment and damage your relationship.
|
nta what the hell is wrong with him.
|
nta, if he's really in there for bathroom reasons the wifi wouldn't matter.
as a parent of twins, tell him to man up and get his ass helping out, you and those kids need him, and you're going to go insane if you handle this alone.
good luck, it does get easier!
|
nta.
if this were a real medical issue, he’d make the doctor’s appointment as was his care provider’s recommendation, and losing wifi would not impact duration.
while this is a clever trick that’s working for now, it probably won’t last if you two don’t manage to confront the underlying issue. he’s going to figure out how to pre-load content, download videos, or play offline games.
|
nta. i’m sorry that you have to resort to that to try to get him to act like a parent to his own children. that’s a horrible situation. he basically wants you to be a single mother.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i are the parents of twins who are less than a year old. anytime my husband should be doing something with the children ( it's his turn for a diaper, a bottle, even just soothing a fussy newborn) he always goes to the bathroom first. we are both on maternity / paternity leave currently. my husband is on medication that makes him spend a lot of time in the bathroom about an hour after a meal. it's a medication he has been on and off several times over the past year. he is never on it for more than a few weeks, and it does not effect him all the time, but he always claims that is why he is in the bathroom. ( i did ask, the doctor didnt say it was impossible, but highly unlikely. doc wanted him to come in for a checkup if this was the case and husband said oh it's not that bad and refuses to go in ) i would rather let him use the restroom first than have to put down a baby mid task, but over the past couple months he has been spending more and more time in there. he always takes his phone. he is always watching youtube. his average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter. it's the most frustrating when it comes time to feed them ( one of the twins needs to be held specifically for health reasons, so i can not double feed ) because we will get up, i will warm up bottles, change one baby bum, get the first one fed, burped, and laid down in their crib, get the other baby changed and be setteling down to feed baby number two before he can be bothered to emerge and figure out why one child has been screaming because they had to watch their sibling eat l, and then the other when cry when they dont get to cuddle at all because i have to immediately set them down to feed the hysterically sobbing child. yesterday was a week and a half sence i started truly keeping track, and he, only twice in 10 days, not ditched me to go camp out in the bathroom and let me finish %80 of the childcare. today i started a new rule. if he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, i flip the wifi off. he has not spend more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset. i feel like the fact that without the wifi his uncontrollable toilet issue cleared up rather quickly proves why it needs to be done, but he feels i am being unreasonable, and i need to make sure sleep deprivation isnt makeing me an asshole. tldr: aita for turning off the wifi when my husband is in the bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding domestic and fatherly duties.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are the parents of twins who are less than a year old. anytime my husband should be doing something with the children ( it's his turn for a diaper, a bottle, even just soothing a fussy newborn) he always goes to the bathroom first. we are both on maternity / paternity leave currently. my husband is on medication that makes him spend a lot of time in the bathroom about an hour after a meal. it's a medication he has been on and off several times over the past year. he is never on it for more than a few weeks, and it does not effect him all the time, but he always claims that is why he is in the bathroom. ( i did ask, the doctor didnt say it was impossible, but highly unlikely. doc wanted him to come in for a checkup if this was the case and husband said oh it's not that bad and refuses to go in ) i would rather let him use the restroom first than have to put down a baby mid task, but over the past couple months he has been spending more and more time in there. he always takes his phone. he is always watching youtube. his average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter. it's the most frustrating when it comes time to feed them ( one of the twins needs to be held specifically for health reasons, so i can not double feed ) because we will get up, i will warm up bottles, change one baby bum, get the first one fed, burped, and laid down in their crib, get the other baby changed and be setteling down to feed baby number two before he can be bothered to emerge and figure out why one child has been screaming because they had to watch their sibling eat l, and then the other when cry when they dont get to cuddle at all because i have to immediately set them down to feed the hysterically sobbing child. yesterday was a week and a half sence i started truly keeping track, and he, only twice in 10 days, not ditched me to go camp out in the bathroom and let me finish %80 of the childcare. today i started a new rule. if he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, i flip the wifi off. he has not spend more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset. i feel like the fact that without the wifi his uncontrollable toilet issue cleared up rather quickly proves why it needs to be done, but he feels i am being unreasonable, and i need to make sure sleep deprivation isnt makeing me an asshole. tldr: aita for turning off the wifi when my husband is in the bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding domestic and fatherly duties. [/INST] nta. what kind of a man fucks around on the internet while his baby screams and cries? he deserves it. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to cook dinner for my step mother and her guests after she's been refusing to let me eat the food she cooks?
|
16m here. my dad married my step mom just about a year ago. she didn't want me to live here and wants me gone. i've insisted that i should stay as i don't want to live with my mom (her husband is a piece of work...) so we're always clashing.
she announced last month that she wouldn't allow me to eat anything she cooks, or cook anything that she buys and i should arange my own food completely separately (down to the ingredient level, including salt!) because i'm not her problem to deal with. this is annoying but anyway, i can handle it and i didn't want to act entitled so i started buying and cooking my own food. we've been going like this since then.
her sister had an accident a few days ago and on the day of the accident step mother texted me in the afternoon saying she's bringing the sister's children over and they'll arrive around midnight, asked me to buy groceries and snacks and make a late dinner for them. i never replied to her and didn't do anything. i have to say that while for a few hours it didn't look good for her sister and had to go into surgery it ended up being successful and she will thankfully make a full recovery.
they came, she noticed there's no food and they indeed were hungry so she was angry at me and i told her that it's not my problem to deal with... and she said i'm being a jerk and i said takes one to know one. she ended up ordering pizza.
my dad told me that i was out of line and i should have just done what she wanted me to do because it was an emergency, and i should have done a favor for her and it would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop. i told him that our relationship has always been hopeless because she hated me for no reason so there's nothing i can do that can make her hate me any less and at this point i've accepted it and don't care anymore. he said it's not true and i'm now grounded.
| 25,629 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vzq3nf/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_dinner_for_my_step/
|
2022-07-15 14:29:59
|
nta. why is your dad allowing this to happen? you are 16 and living at home, you shouldn’t be paying for your own food. make your dad fix this problem!
|
nta. you are not entitled.
your father is a real piece of work, too. i cannot imagine marrying someone who would treat my child so badly. i recommend you get away from all of them as soon as possible. (yes, it's what she wants, but is it really worth staying in such a nasty environment?)
|
[removed]
|
nta.
she set a precedent in the home, and when it came back to bite her, she got angry. it's unfortunate your dad allows her to say you can't eat food she buys when you're still a minor in his home, and it's even more a shame that after allowing that behavior from her, he expected you to do for her sister's kids what she won't do for you. it's also not your responsibility as the minor in the household to "improve" your relationship with your stepmom who clearly resents you.
it's extremely unfortunate that you don't seem to get along with the spouse of either of your parents.
i think you need to sit down and ask your dad why he has higher standards for you, a teenager than he does his wife, a full grown adult. i'm a stepmom and i most certainly think it's my problem if my stepchild is hungry. i also don't understand why he'd marry someone who is combative and not loving toward you. you are part of him, and she supposedly loves him, so what gives?
i'm not sure what i'd do in your shoes since either parent's home sounds horrible to be in at the moment. shame on your dad for failing to stand up for you though, when you needed it. it was the perfect opportunity for him to tell her that she shouldn't expect you to do for other kids what she won't do for you. the kids got fed, she ordered them a pizza. there was no reason to punish you for not obeying someone who can't treat you properly. she's got some twisted priorities to think feeding her sister's kids is her problem but feeding her stepson is not.
i'm utterly appalled at your dad for allowing her to order you to buy your own food. that's reasonable if you were an adult living in their home, but not as a minor living in their home. i do think i might use her food anyways and ignore her insane position. or sit her down and iron out expectations. i think you need to tell her point blank that she's set the example for you to follow so if she's angry with how you handled yourself, she has herself to thank for your pov.
|
nta. i will never understand how a parent can allow someone to treat their child like that.
|
nta. but your mom can't possibly be worse than your dad? you're a kid and providing food for you is a parental duty. if he's letting his wife dictate that you can't have any food she purchases, than he's a trash bag of a human and you deserve better. get the fuck out of there as soon as you can.
|
nta. your father is the one in the wrong. no one should allow their kid to be treated that way. step is heartless. i would not have done it either.
|
nta
your step mom refusing to feed you is child abuse, and your father allowing it is enabling child abuse.
you may want to look into emancipation: if you make your own money, and can rent a place to live on your own, you can file paperwork at a courthouse to be considered a legal adult. the details of how to do this vary with jurisdiction.
|
info: how did your dad sire you when he has no fucking balls? nta.
|
if your dad is forcing you to buy your own food and not helping you with meals at all; that is very illegal in most states and you might want to inform him of that.
[https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html)
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 16m here. my dad married my step mom just about a year ago. she didn't want me to live here and wants me gone. i've insisted that i should stay as i don't want to live with my mom (her husband is a piece of work...) so we're always clashing. she announced last month that she wouldn't allow me to eat anything she cooks, or cook anything that she buys and i should arange my own food completely separately (down to the ingredient level, including salt!) because i'm not her problem to deal with. this is annoying but anyway, i can handle it and i didn't want to act entitled so i started buying and cooking my own food. we've been going like this since then. her sister had an accident a few days ago and on the day of the accident step mother texted me in the afternoon saying she's bringing the sister's children over and they'll arrive around midnight, asked me to buy groceries and snacks and make a late dinner for them. i never replied to her and didn't do anything. i have to say that while for a few hours it didn't look good for her sister and had to go into surgery it ended up being successful and she will thankfully make a full recovery. they came, she noticed there's no food and they indeed were hungry so she was angry at me and i told her that it's not my problem to deal with... and she said i'm being a jerk and i said takes one to know one. she ended up ordering pizza. my dad told me that i was out of line and i should have just done what she wanted me to do because it was an emergency, and i should have done a favor for her and it would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop. i told him that our relationship has always been hopeless because she hated me for no reason so there's nothing i can do that can make her hate me any less and at this point i've accepted it and don't care anymore. he said it's not true and i'm now grounded.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
16m here. my dad married my step mom just about a year ago. she didn't want me to live here and wants me gone. i've insisted that i should stay as i don't want to live with my mom (her husband is a piece of work...) so we're always clashing. she announced last month that she wouldn't allow me to eat anything she cooks, or cook anything that she buys and i should arange my own food completely separately (down to the ingredient level, including salt!) because i'm not her problem to deal with. this is annoying but anyway, i can handle it and i didn't want to act entitled so i started buying and cooking my own food. we've been going like this since then. her sister had an accident a few days ago and on the day of the accident step mother texted me in the afternoon saying she's bringing the sister's children over and they'll arrive around midnight, asked me to buy groceries and snacks and make a late dinner for them. i never replied to her and didn't do anything. i have to say that while for a few hours it didn't look good for her sister and had to go into surgery it ended up being successful and she will thankfully make a full recovery. they came, she noticed there's no food and they indeed were hungry so she was angry at me and i told her that it's not my problem to deal with... and she said i'm being a jerk and i said takes one to know one. she ended up ordering pizza. my dad told me that i was out of line and i should have just done what she wanted me to do because it was an emergency, and i should have done a favor for her and it would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop. i told him that our relationship has always been hopeless because she hated me for no reason so there's nothing i can do that can make her hate me any less and at this point i've accepted it and don't care anymore. he said it's not true and i'm now grounded. [/INST] nta. why is your dad allowing this to happen? you are 16 and living at home, you shouldn’t be paying for your own food. make your dad fix this problem! </s>
|
AITA for refusing to apologize to my husband in writing after I cancelled all his family invitations to a Christmas celebration at our house?
|
tldr at bottom.
so to give some context, i (f32) have been married to my husband (m39) for 4 years. i work a full time job while he does a 3 times a week night shift. we have a 2 year old and i'm 6 months pregnant.
this whole drama started days ago. my husband has a large family. and on every christmas they'd gather at his father's house. my father in law passed away a year ago and this year my husband decided as the man of the family to host christmas at our house. unbeknowest to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total.
i found out about by accident and i was too shocked to react. i confronted him on it and he said i shouldn't be surprised and just get used to it because after his father's death he's now the family's "head" and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence. i freaked out and said no this is wrong and he should've talked to me first before sending out any invitations to his family knowing i have other commitments like work and taking care of the house and our son. he said we'll manage if i took time off work but that means more workload later and it'd take away from my maternity leave. i demanded he cancel the invitations but he refused saying "over my dead body" then walked out. i ended up sending a mass text to everyone who recieved an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting christmas this year. he found out and went off on me calling my behabior outragously appalling and said that i broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority. i in a very strict tone replied that i didn't sign up to host a celebration and accomadate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler and working. and i don't care if he became the head of family after his father's death because it means nothing to me. he took offense to that and walked out almost crying.
he later talked about how i disrespected his father and him with what i said and demanded a hand written apology for cancelling the event and for being insensitive towards him and underminning his authority infront of his family but i said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my mil giving me a stern talk about how out of line i was for disrespecting my husband's decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family.
tldr: my husband invited his family without telling me so i cancelled and he wants a formal apology.
eta to put this out there he planned on sitting and telling stories of his dad while i handle everything and his family believe that as guests it's rude to ask them to help.
| 25,625 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r76491/aita_for_refusing_to_apologize_to_my_husband_in/
|
2021-12-02 12:11:23
|
nta... is he delusional? a written apology? what are you his servant? jesus christ, that's repulsive.
|
dearest husband. i am sorry that you do not consider me a partner and that you have operated under the misguided notion that i am a baby maker and child raiser that you can also task to organize, cater, and run complex and large scale family events without consultation or consideration. i apologize for allowing an environment to exist that led you to believe that making such a big decision without discussing it with me and your resulting behaviour and callous disregard for your pregnant wife could exist. rest assured that this will not continue. all the best and happy holidays. - your wife, who is going to have a nap while you cook us all dinner. nta
|
unless your husband was planning on doing all the cooking, hosting, entertaining and taking care of the kids, nta!!
i would seriously probably leave my husband if he spoke to me like this or acted this way. you’re the one doing everything, if anything, you’re the man of the family now. you work, take care of the kids, run the house, you’re the one who has the authority. not him. and he comes from a family who thinks the same stupid stuff.
i also probably would have carried on as life as usual and let him deal with the fallout of having to cook and entertain, as he gave you no notice and you have a job and a life. i’d show up home every day like a guest. lol.
seriously this man and his family are raising your children with the same mentality. consider whether you want your kids to be like them. if you want to continue to endure this wild behavior. you can walk away and leave him to it.
|
leave him for the love of god. do you want to raise your kids with this man? have them see him disrespect you like this? a written apology ffs, you are not his bloody staff.
nta nta nta
|
nta- but your husband is ah. wtf was he thinking? he needs to apologize to you.
|
>made him look small and with no authority
>underminning his authority infront of his family
so he is straight up saying that he should have authority over you. i think there needs to be a larger discussion about expectations about your marriage and life in general.
nta.
|
you work full time, have a toddler, and you are pregnant. he expects you to not go to work which will impact your maternity leave with your new baby so that you can host 26 people for almost a week??? nope! you did the right thing! no real man would have invited that many people without consulting his wife first. no real man would expect his pregnant working wife to do all that! the only other thing you could have done was let him do everything on his own. he could do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and entertaining for you and his guests. let him do everything while you rest in bed. what he did was wrong!
|
i read ‘5 day christmas celebration for 26 members in total’ and i started screaming in my own head .
it doesn’t matter if he even did all the work; that’s not something you pull the trigger on without consulting your partner. you’re pregnant, working partner who is already caring for a toddler
the fact that he expected you to do all the work blows me away. his reaction to expecting ‘you to get over it’, blows me away. his mother’s reaction blows me away. and his insistence on a handwritten apology blows me away.
like, this is so egregious i don’t even have the words.
nta
|
nta. reinvite everyone and then take your kid to a hotel for the duration. he can entertain his family by himself if he thinks that's so important.
|
info : did husband offer to handle hosting responsibilities?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: tldr at bottom. so to give some context, i (f32) have been married to my husband (m39) for 4 years. i work a full time job while he does a 3 times a week night shift. we have a 2 year old and i'm 6 months pregnant. this whole drama started days ago. my husband has a large family. and on every christmas they'd gather at his father's house. my father in law passed away a year ago and this year my husband decided as the man of the family to host christmas at our house. unbeknowest to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total. i found out about by accident and i was too shocked to react. i confronted him on it and he said i shouldn't be surprised and just get used to it because after his father's death he's now the family's "head" and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence. i freaked out and said no this is wrong and he should've talked to me first before sending out any invitations to his family knowing i have other commitments like work and taking care of the house and our son. he said we'll manage if i took time off work but that means more workload later and it'd take away from my maternity leave. i demanded he cancel the invitations but he refused saying "over my dead body" then walked out. i ended up sending a mass text to everyone who recieved an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting christmas this year. he found out and went off on me calling my behabior outragously appalling and said that i broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority. i in a very strict tone replied that i didn't sign up to host a celebration and accomadate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler and working. and i don't care if he became the head of family after his father's death because it means nothing to me. he took offense to that and walked out almost crying. he later talked about how i disrespected his father and him with what i said and demanded a hand written apology for cancelling the event and for being insensitive towards him and underminning his authority infront of his family but i said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my mil giving me a stern talk about how out of line i was for disrespecting my husband's decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family. tldr: my husband invited his family without telling me so i cancelled and he wants a formal apology. eta to put this out there he planned on sitting and telling stories of his dad while i handle everything and his family believe that as guests it's rude to ask them to help.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
tldr at bottom. so to give some context, i (f32) have been married to my husband (m39) for 4 years. i work a full time job while he does a 3 times a week night shift. we have a 2 year old and i'm 6 months pregnant. this whole drama started days ago. my husband has a large family. and on every christmas they'd gather at his father's house. my father in law passed away a year ago and this year my husband decided as the man of the family to host christmas at our house. unbeknowest to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total. i found out about by accident and i was too shocked to react. i confronted him on it and he said i shouldn't be surprised and just get used to it because after his father's death he's now the family's "head" and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence. i freaked out and said no this is wrong and he should've talked to me first before sending out any invitations to his family knowing i have other commitments like work and taking care of the house and our son. he said we'll manage if i took time off work but that means more workload later and it'd take away from my maternity leave. i demanded he cancel the invitations but he refused saying "over my dead body" then walked out. i ended up sending a mass text to everyone who recieved an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting christmas this year. he found out and went off on me calling my behabior outragously appalling and said that i broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority. i in a very strict tone replied that i didn't sign up to host a celebration and accomadate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler and working. and i don't care if he became the head of family after his father's death because it means nothing to me. he took offense to that and walked out almost crying. he later talked about how i disrespected his father and him with what i said and demanded a hand written apology for cancelling the event and for being insensitive towards him and underminning his authority infront of his family but i said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my mil giving me a stern talk about how out of line i was for disrespecting my husband's decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family. tldr: my husband invited his family without telling me so i cancelled and he wants a formal apology. eta to put this out there he planned on sitting and telling stories of his dad while i handle everything and his family believe that as guests it's rude to ask them to help. [/INST] nta... is he delusional? a written apology? what are you his servant? jesus christ, that's repulsive. </s>
|
AITA for demanding my mom apologize after she blew up at my girlfriend who she thought was being racist?
|
i’m black and my girlfriend is filipino. my parents aren’t the biggest fans just because we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and they don’t think i should be with a “rich girl”
my parents came over for dinner last night and my girlfriend was going to cook. neither of us cook much and we eat way too much takeout, so she decided to make fried chicken because it is something she made with her mom growing up. her mom came here from the philippines and i guess it is pretty popular over there.
when my mom saw the fried chicken she thought that my girlfriend was either making fun of her or just going off a racial stereotype. she immediately started cussing at her and demanding an apology. i explained to my mom that fried chicken is popular in the philippines and i googled it to show her that there are a lot of filipino recipes.
she calmed down but did not apologize. i asked if she was going to apologize and she said it was just a misunderstanding. i said she should still apologize and she got offended, so i asked her to leave. i’m not talking to her until she apologizes but i don’t know if that is too harsh.
| 25,623 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lyceex/aita_for_demanding_my_mom_apologize_after_she/
|
2021-03-05 14:00:12
|
nta. your mother is a hypocrite for being racist towards a woman because she thought she was racist. instead of getting to know the woman that her son is going to be spending time with, she decides to judge her using socioeconomic status and race as a reason to hate her.
eta because some people don’t understand the racist part. by making the assumption that gf made fried chicken because the mom is black, the mom is viewing this as gf making a racist stereotype towards black people. last time i checked, everyone enjoys a good popeyes or jollibee chicken.
|
nta there are many cultures that like to fry chicken. your mother is the one with the issue here.
|
op, i love how you defended your girlfriend. way to go!!
don’t let it go yet, in any case. the lesson she is learning now about being polite to your girlfriend is invaluable.
nta
|
nta. even a misunderstanding is deserving of an apology.
however the way it’s written, it seems as though it goes beyond a simple misunderstanding and delves into the territory of assumption, the way your mom decided to go off after simply seeing what was for dinner. in that case, it’s fair to ask for an apology, too.
|
nta. your mom made a mistake and jumped to conclusions in a way that hurt your gf. if she'd just apologized sincerely, the problem would end there. she is the one dragging it out by being stubborn.
since your family doesn't approve of the relationship, i think it's critical to set boundaries now that any rudeness to your gf will not be tolerated, otherwise this kind of thing will happen again.
|
nta
your mum sounds like she's actively looking for things to be wrong with your gf. foodstuffs can be quite similar and not just for one culture. like on a recent yt binge, haggis (which is usually seen as scottish) isn't just for scotland, turns out there's many haggis-like dishes around the world, especially in brazil.
|
nta - race card gunslingers are exhausting, but demanding apologies is a waste of time. they're just words meant to placate someone if the sentiment isn't behind them. if your mom was actually sorry, she'd say so. but you did the right thing by sticking up for your gf and i'd be telling your mom that unless she can behave in a civil manner going forward, you'll not be having her over for dinner again any time soon.
and fried chicken is a beloved food almost anywhere you go. unless you're vegetarian or vegan, i don't think there's a person on the planet who doesn't love it. there's a reason that fried chicken chains are a billion dollar global industry. stereotypes are only perpetuated when someone keeps fanning the flames to keep them going. this particular one should have been dropped before it even got started, it's ridiculous. most people love friend chicken as much as pizza. it's a staple in the majority of meat eating households in many countries.
|
nta. your mom needs to chill the fuck out. that would be like me (im black) going to a work event and being mad that there was watermelon on the plate and thinking its a personal attack. i'm fairly well travelled and every country i've been to has fried chicken.
also tell her about jollibee, its a huge filipino fried chicken place that expanded into the us.
|
nta. your mom made a mistake and should apologize. also, fried chicken is delicious, especially homemade fried chicken. why insult someone for making good food for you.
|
nta. filipino fried chicken is amazing. i live in a southeast asian country and almost everyone here knows the superior taste of filipino fried chicken. jollibee, a franchise of fried chicken (like kfc) has been dominating the fried chicken market here.
anyway, you weren't in the wrong at all. she lives in progressive times now and she should also have basic courtesy and respect for others. apologising after making a mistake is common sense, isn't it? being able to put your pride away when it counts is a hallmark of a decent person.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m black and my girlfriend is filipino. my parents aren’t the biggest fans just because we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and they don’t think i should be with a “rich girl” my parents came over for dinner last night and my girlfriend was going to cook. neither of us cook much and we eat way too much takeout, so she decided to make fried chicken because it is something she made with her mom growing up. her mom came here from the philippines and i guess it is pretty popular over there. when my mom saw the fried chicken she thought that my girlfriend was either making fun of her or just going off a racial stereotype. she immediately started cussing at her and demanding an apology. i explained to my mom that fried chicken is popular in the philippines and i googled it to show her that there are a lot of filipino recipes. she calmed down but did not apologize. i asked if she was going to apologize and she said it was just a misunderstanding. i said she should still apologize and she got offended, so i asked her to leave. i’m not talking to her until she apologizes but i don’t know if that is too harsh.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m black and my girlfriend is filipino. my parents aren’t the biggest fans just because we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and they don’t think i should be with a “rich girl” my parents came over for dinner last night and my girlfriend was going to cook. neither of us cook much and we eat way too much takeout, so she decided to make fried chicken because it is something she made with her mom growing up. her mom came here from the philippines and i guess it is pretty popular over there. when my mom saw the fried chicken she thought that my girlfriend was either making fun of her or just going off a racial stereotype. she immediately started cussing at her and demanding an apology. i explained to my mom that fried chicken is popular in the philippines and i googled it to show her that there are a lot of filipino recipes. she calmed down but did not apologize. i asked if she was going to apologize and she said it was just a misunderstanding. i said she should still apologize and she got offended, so i asked her to leave. i’m not talking to her until she apologizes but i don’t know if that is too harsh. [/INST] nta. your mother is a hypocrite for being racist towards a woman because she thought she was racist. instead of getting to know the woman that her son is going to be spending time with, she decides to judge her using socioeconomic status and race as a reason to hate her. eta because some people don’t understand the racist part. by making the assumption that gf made fried chicken because the mom is black, the mom is viewing this as gf making a racist stereotype towards black people. last time i checked, everyone enjoys a good popeyes or jollibee chicken. </s>
|
AITA for celebrating my anniversary despite what happened at my wedding?
|
my husband and i had our wedding last year. the venue was beautiful and bordered a lake. unfortunately, during the reception, one of the young children snuck away from their parents and decided to...go for a swim, despite not being able to. this was tragic and devasting, and obviously cut the day short.
we haven't really spoken to the parents since then, as we weren't close to them aside from seeing them on holidays, which haven't happened this year. we are still facebook friends though. when our first anniversary came, i made a post celebrating our anniversary with a few wedding photos. i didn't think anything of it, until the comments came flooding in. i woke up to 30 comments and 15 missed calls. the top comment was from the mother of the child, who was outraged about it.
she wrote a very long comment about how my post was disrespectful of the tragedy that had happened that day and how dare i post that and not mention her child (and of course talking to her first). 30 comments later, and it was clear that the entire family had clearly started to take sides in a battle i didn't realize i created. as of today, we're at 150 comments. my friends and my parents are involved too.
half of his family is screaming for me to take it down, apologize to the parents, and show more respect, possibly by even celebrating our anniversary on a different day. some of the family think that we should still be able to celebrate our anniversary on the actual day, but just keep it offline to "keep peace". i don't think i did anything wrong with my post, and i feel like we should be allowed to celebrate our anniversary just like anyone else. i'm not celebrating the tragedy, i'm celebrating my wedding. aita?
**
| 25,602 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kd078f/aita_for_celebrating_my_anniversary_despite_what/
|
2020-12-14 15:54:59
|
esh but for crying out loud, take the post down.
on one hand is a family with a dead child facing the one year anniversary of their loss. unimaginable pain.
on the other hand is your need to have people comment on how pretty your wedding was and tell you happy anniversary.
their pain far outweighs your needs for likes.
why you didn't block the family of the dead child from your post is beyond my ability to comprehend. as soon as you saw it was causing pain, you delete the post.
of course you can celebrate your anniversary all you want. just not visible to these people who have a dead child!
show compassion.
|
yta.
something awful happened at your wedding. it wasn't your fault, but it's something that you have to deal with.
i'm very sorry that you will never be able to have a normal anniversary, but that's a small burden compared to having to deal with the loss of a child.
those that say you should just celebrate privately are absolutely correct. do not put anything celebratory where the grieving parents can see it. people have been celebrating anniversaries for centuries before facebook existed, you'll survive without making public announcements of your love for friends to see.
|
you became the ah the moment all hell broke loose on your post and you didn't have the decency to delete it completely.
|
yta
you're not an asshole for celebrating your marriage, you're an asshole for celebrating your *wedding*. you just posted photos of an event where a child drowned, and you can't fathom how insensitive that is, or that the event is a horrible memory for everyone else?!?
>we haven't really spoken to the parents since then, as we weren't close to them aside from seeing them on holidays, which haven't happened this year.
so you just shrugged your shoulders and moved on, and can't figure out why the child's parents have not? and you haven't even talked with them since?!?
i really, really, hope that you do not have children, because you seem to lack normal human empathy.
|
after seeing the edit...wow, everyone even peripherally attached to this situation is determined to be the biggest asshole they possibly can about it, huh? i thought you were heartless and inconsiderate to have made the facebook post, but that email suggests you are one of the less-assholish people in your social circle. ("living in sin"? they can sit on a cactus!!)
i don't mean to sound flippant, but clearly none of the people present at your wedding have processed the tragedy they witnessed (directly or indirectly) in a healthy way. y'all need therapy. less processing with each other, since it looks like the whole family are drama queens who reinforce each other's bad ideas, and more processing with trained professionals.
i'm sorry your wedding was ruined. i'm sorry for the family who lost their kid. i'm sorry for everyone who was present for and impacted by such an upsetting event. i'm sorry your in-laws are making a shitty situation shittier. what a sad mess.
|
oh god. that’s such a horrible tragedy.
nah. could the mother have handled that better and not made a public scene on facebook? absolutely, but grief makes people act in certain ways. you also probably could have had the foresight to block her on that particular post.
at the end of the day, you’re allowed to celebrate your marriage and she’s allowed to grieve her child.
| null |
nta - but maybe insensitive. i went between all three of the choices thoroughly until i arrived at this conclusion. this is such a raw event. a happy occasion that is marred by the unfortunate passing of a child. you have every right to celebrate your wedding. but not all anniversaries are happy. the first year following a loss is difficult, especially that single day. that said, people still have joyous occasions on tragic days.
celebrating on a different day? those people are ah.
the parents of the kid. slightly ah. you don't need to memorialize their kid in your post, that's their job.
i would recommend having your anniversary posts filter out that family in the future. losing a child in that way (seemingly negligent) is a terrible feeling i am sure.
|
yta for not hiding the post from the parents. how did you expect them to react? their child died that day and you should have had the courtesy to hide the post from them.
|
nah - this tragedy is absolutely heartbreaking, and of course it must have been painful for the parents to have seen that reminder of the day...
what would have been kinder would have been for someone closer to them to gently remind them that they might wish to block your posts for a few weeks surrounding the anniversary.
don't get me wrong - i don't think it's reasonable of them to expect to control your social media.
but i am incredibly reluctant to call a mourning parent an asshole for overreacting in this situation.
perhaps your wisest choice would be when making posts about your anniversary to limit your audience and block those posts from the close family members of the child who died.
|
ESH
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
NTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.491035 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i had our wedding last year. the venue was beautiful and bordered a lake. unfortunately, during the reception, one of the young children snuck away from their parents and decided to...go for a swim, despite not being able to. this was tragic and devasting, and obviously cut the day short. we haven't really spoken to the parents since then, as we weren't close to them aside from seeing them on holidays, which haven't happened this year. we are still facebook friends though. when our first anniversary came, i made a post celebrating our anniversary with a few wedding photos. i didn't think anything of it, until the comments came flooding in. i woke up to 30 comments and 15 missed calls. the top comment was from the mother of the child, who was outraged about it. she wrote a very long comment about how my post was disrespectful of the tragedy that had happened that day and how dare i post that and not mention her child (and of course talking to her first). 30 comments later, and it was clear that the entire family had clearly started to take sides in a battle i didn't realize i created. as of today, we're at 150 comments. my friends and my parents are involved too. half of his family is screaming for me to take it down, apologize to the parents, and show more respect, possibly by even celebrating our anniversary on a different day. some of the family think that we should still be able to celebrate our anniversary on the actual day, but just keep it offline to "keep peace". i don't think i did anything wrong with my post, and i feel like we should be allowed to celebrate our anniversary just like anyone else. i'm not celebrating the tragedy, i'm celebrating my wedding. aita? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i had our wedding last year. the venue was beautiful and bordered a lake. unfortunately, during the reception, one of the young children snuck away from their parents and decided to...go for a swim, despite not being able to. this was tragic and devasting, and obviously cut the day short. we haven't really spoken to the parents since then, as we weren't close to them aside from seeing them on holidays, which haven't happened this year. we are still facebook friends though. when our first anniversary came, i made a post celebrating our anniversary with a few wedding photos. i didn't think anything of it, until the comments came flooding in. i woke up to 30 comments and 15 missed calls. the top comment was from the mother of the child, who was outraged about it. she wrote a very long comment about how my post was disrespectful of the tragedy that had happened that day and how dare i post that and not mention her child (and of course talking to her first). 30 comments later, and it was clear that the entire family had clearly started to take sides in a battle i didn't realize i created. as of today, we're at 150 comments. my friends and my parents are involved too. half of his family is screaming for me to take it down, apologize to the parents, and show more respect, possibly by even celebrating our anniversary on a different day. some of the family think that we should still be able to celebrate our anniversary on the actual day, but just keep it offline to "keep peace". i don't think i did anything wrong with my post, and i feel like we should be allowed to celebrate our anniversary just like anyone else. i'm not celebrating the tragedy, i'm celebrating my wedding. aita? ** [/INST] esh but for crying out loud, take the post down. on one hand is a family with a dead child facing the one year anniversary of their loss. unimaginable pain. on the other hand is your need to have people comment on how pretty your wedding was and tell you happy anniversary. their pain far outweighs your needs for likes. why you didn't block the family of the dead child from your post is beyond my ability to comprehend. as soon as you saw it was causing pain, you delete the post. of course you can celebrate your anniversary all you want. just not visible to these people who have a dead child! show compassion. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to let my future husband lie about the house he and I purchased during his 'groom speech'?
|
my fiancè (37m) and i (33f) got engaged few months ago. we're getting married soon and invitations were already sent out. right now we're focusing on much smaller details. we've also been busy moving into our new home that we purchased together (30% of his savings + 70% of mine). i have to say that saving up for this house took most of my savings and prevented me from enjoying the things i love spending money on.
my fiancè sat me down yesterday to talk about his 'groom speech'. he talked about few points but what made me upset was when he asked if i would be okay if he mentions the house we bought and say that he was the one who bought it. i was a bit taken aback, i asked why and he said it's "just a confidence boost" during the speech and that's it. i said i didn't feel comfortable with the idea because i think that it's unfair not to acknowledge the fact that i'd sacrificed so much to be able to buy the house. i reminded him of how much i contributed but he said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did. i refused because then people will always think the house was bought by him which is something that will never change no matter how hard i try to prove that i contributed 70%. he got made at me and said that i was really overthinking this whole thing and making a big deal out of it. we got into an argument and he started yelling saying it's just one favor he's asking me to do and yet, i'm making this ridiculous, small request my hill to die on.
he's basically sulking and now he's out and refusing to answer my calls so basically he's started the silent treatment til i cave in. aita for making this my hill to die on?
[edit] my fiance comes from more humble background and money has always been a struggle for him and his family. it's become obvious how insecure he can be when it comes to money, especially when he compares how much i make vs how he makes. i've never made him feel as less than and he has never took advantage of me in any way and so his recent request really cut me off guard to say the least.
| 25,589 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vdjwom/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_future_husband_lie/
|
2022-06-16 11:34:09
|
nta and i would bet he's been telling people that already
|
>i reminded him of how much i contributed buy said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did.
am i reading this sentence correctly, he is saying it shouldn't matter to you if you both bought it? but it's ok for it to matter to him so much that he's going to announce it to both your families and your wider social circle at the wedding? whoo, the hypocrisy...
imo this is a hill worth dying on. yes, on the surface level it's "just" words in a speech. but the deeper issue is that he does not value your massive contribution to your shared life, and he wants to paint a false picture to your shared friends and family denying it. he's basically setting you up to be painted as a gold digger when *he's* the one benefitting from your scrimping and saving. i have a hard time believing this is the only instance of this level of disrespect in your relationship; and if you ever have kids, i'm certain you can look forward to him moaning to all your friends and family that he does sooooooo muuuuuuuuch woooooooork as a father (read: changed 1 diaper) while you actually shoulder the majority of childcare. if you don't have kids, i imagine it will be something else like that.
i really hope i'm wrong and this is just temporary brain worms on his part. but either way, nta
|
girl i hope you have a prenup written up for the love of god 🤨
|
this is actually a pretty big deal.
1. he wants you to go along with a lie that makes him look good at your expense.
2. it’s a permanent lie - unless he plans to fess up after the wedding which i doubt.
3. it’s a lie that misrepresents the balance of your relationship. instead of partners he wants to be seen as the “head.” is he prepared to take on the responsibility of that position and let you spend all of your money on you while he shoulders the financial responsibility for the household? or does he want you to continue to bankroll 70% while he gets credit for 100%?
4. it reveals an ugliness in how he thinks of you and wants to present the two of you as a couple. he should be proud to have a wife who earns and saves and sacrifices for your future together. instead he wants to claim your accomplishment as his own and expects you to accept whatever impact this has on how friends and family view you - all to “boost his confidence.”
5. he is lying to you. it’s not about a confidence boost. it’s about him declaring his status as the head of the house and the breadwinner and doing so by belittling your contributions.
6. his response tells you clearly that he is lying. he calls it a small thing, one little favor, but he goes ballistic when you say no.
7. and seriously, the silent treatment? just, no.
consider your next steps carefully. nta.
|
don’t cave in, let him run the silent treatment. also rethink about marrying this guy, he’s behaving like a child.
nta
|
nta. but i’d think twice about marrying someone who wants to lie to your friends and family for the “confidence boost” and reacts by sulking, lashing out, and ignoring you when you won’t go along with it.
|
in a divorce he will tell everyone you got the house because you are a woman, lol.
ask him about how he thinks your confidence is doing by him denying you recogniction for a contribution you actually did when he wants to boost himself with something he didn't do to even 50%?
nta
|
definetely nta
i wonder what his reaction would be when you would have asked that haha
|
no way you're ta. he's being a jerk. needing to take false credit for a confidence boost? definitely an insight into his character that you should consider backing out over.
|
i had an ex with this mindset years ago. when we broke up (because he shputed at me in public and told me to be quiet in a restaurant in front of others and expected me to step back and let him speak like that ) many people cut me out and i just thought, well whatever. move on head held high. yrs later we spoke and it turns out hed been telling all my friends at the time that he was paying for absolutely everything, every coffee, every date, every weekend away or holiday, everything i bought him, he'd bought himself and how id got the birthday gifts i wanted and then left him. so they all naturally felt id been secretly milking him and being a leech.
i asked him why he'd do that when atm i paid for about 80%of everything we did. he said but hes the man and he cpuldnt have people thinking id provided and paid for things. and he definitely didnt want to say why we'd really broken up. he didnt understand why id been hurt or why it mattered.
op - run. your marriage will be a tally score card and he will lie and sulk and you will be the cash cow funding his shitty attitude and lies to others.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiancè (37m) and i (33f) got engaged few months ago. we're getting married soon and invitations were already sent out. right now we're focusing on much smaller details. we've also been busy moving into our new home that we purchased together (30% of his savings + 70% of mine). i have to say that saving up for this house took most of my savings and prevented me from enjoying the things i love spending money on. my fiancè sat me down yesterday to talk about his 'groom speech'. he talked about few points but what made me upset was when he asked if i would be okay if he mentions the house we bought and say that he was the one who bought it. i was a bit taken aback, i asked why and he said it's "just a confidence boost" during the speech and that's it. i said i didn't feel comfortable with the idea because i think that it's unfair not to acknowledge the fact that i'd sacrificed so much to be able to buy the house. i reminded him of how much i contributed but he said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did. i refused because then people will always think the house was bought by him which is something that will never change no matter how hard i try to prove that i contributed 70%. he got made at me and said that i was really overthinking this whole thing and making a big deal out of it. we got into an argument and he started yelling saying it's just one favor he's asking me to do and yet, i'm making this ridiculous, small request my hill to die on. he's basically sulking and now he's out and refusing to answer my calls so basically he's started the silent treatment til i cave in. aita for making this my hill to die on? [edit] my fiance comes from more humble background and money has always been a struggle for him and his family. it's become obvious how insecure he can be when it comes to money, especially when he compares how much i make vs how he makes. i've never made him feel as less than and he has never took advantage of me in any way and so his recent request really cut me off guard to say the least.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiancè (37m) and i (33f) got engaged few months ago. we're getting married soon and invitations were already sent out. right now we're focusing on much smaller details. we've also been busy moving into our new home that we purchased together (30% of his savings + 70% of mine). i have to say that saving up for this house took most of my savings and prevented me from enjoying the things i love spending money on. my fiancè sat me down yesterday to talk about his 'groom speech'. he talked about few points but what made me upset was when he asked if i would be okay if he mentions the house we bought and say that he was the one who bought it. i was a bit taken aback, i asked why and he said it's "just a confidence boost" during the speech and that's it. i said i didn't feel comfortable with the idea because i think that it's unfair not to acknowledge the fact that i'd sacrificed so much to be able to buy the house. i reminded him of how much i contributed but he said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did. i refused because then people will always think the house was bought by him which is something that will never change no matter how hard i try to prove that i contributed 70%. he got made at me and said that i was really overthinking this whole thing and making a big deal out of it. we got into an argument and he started yelling saying it's just one favor he's asking me to do and yet, i'm making this ridiculous, small request my hill to die on. he's basically sulking and now he's out and refusing to answer my calls so basically he's started the silent treatment til i cave in. aita for making this my hill to die on? [edit] my fiance comes from more humble background and money has always been a struggle for him and his family. it's become obvious how insecure he can be when it comes to money, especially when he compares how much i make vs how he makes. i've never made him feel as less than and he has never took advantage of me in any way and so his recent request really cut me off guard to say the least. [/INST] nta and i would bet he's been telling people that already </s>
|
Aita For leaving in an Uber after my engagement party?
|
my fiance and i got engaged a week ago, it was an absolute disaster, i never wanted a party but my fiance's mom insisted, and wanted to have the engagement party at a restuarant that is expensive (to me) and made my fiance pull money out of his saving accaunt to buy a house just so she could show herself off to her family, she:
• picked a restaurant of her choice
• invited her whole family while i was only allowed to invite mom & dad
• she didn't even order meals until later, because she was arguing about how her favorites weren't on the menu
• lied to my parents about food and said in her invitation “join us in celebrating jake and sarah's engagement with desserts and champagne” only!.
• she said "no kids" but brought sil's kids with her.
she sat in the middle, next to my fiance, and they were both having a toast without me, i was feeling so uncomfertable and super pissed that i couldn't even hide it.
my parents were the first to leave, they were upset, can't blame them, it was awful.
we were about to leave, my mother in law wanted us to give her a ride home because bil left with his cousin, my fiance said “sure” next thing i knew, she got into the passenger seat, sil tagged along and stuffed her kids in the back where i supposed to sit, i found this so damn inappropriate and humiliating, i asked my fiance if he was serious, i told him i belonged in the passenger seat, but mother in law said i was being disrespectful and refused to sit in the back, and threw some comments at me.
i lost it, literally called an uber and told them to go, my fiance lashed out and called me crazy and told me to get in the car because i was embarrassing him, we yelled at each other, he refused to leave, i got in my uber as they watched and went to my parents, cried my eyes out, and refused to answer my phone. to spare myself the shaming.
it was awful, awful so awful that i regret not leaving early, i hate them all, they're treating me like trash and i've had it.
i'm 24 and my fiance is 27.
edit to clearify that (1 she took some of our savings for a new house and spent it on the party
(2 she sat in the passenger seat and wanted me to sit in the back.
my fiance took her side and said i was embarrassing him.
| 25,588 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ilwc99/aita_for_leaving_in_an_uber_after_my_engagement/
|
2020-09-03 16:06:27
|
nta. why would you marry someone who allows his family to treat you this way? sounds like he’s more interested in his relationship with his mother anyway.
|
the party was for the love of your fiance's life. the problem: that person isn't you.
nta obviously, and you need to evaluate whether this is something you want to have governing your life going forward, because it will not stop. your possibly future mil is making sure that you know your place in the hierarchy, and if she's the most important person at \*your engagement party\*, it's not going to change.
|
nta. and husband-to-be didn't back you up at all.
honey, it's not too late to change your mind!
|
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
do not marry him
nta
|
nta.
it sounds like your fiance has a mama's boy complex.
and please don't be one of those women who think that marrying him will make him shape up and be better about compartmentalizing his relationship with his mother. nope. she'll be the 3rd person in your marriage. it's going to be a 3-way marriage with you as the least priority.
|
nta- this is what your marriage will look like. it will not get better. you are under no obligation to go through with it. you do not have to suffer being treated like trash then acting grateful for it.
they are doing you a favor and warning you before it's too late. take their warning.
|
nta. the real problem here is your fiancé, who allowed his mother to literally put you in the back seat.
his mother is flexing her “i’m still the most important woman in my son’s life” muscles by dictating how he spends his savings, who he sits with, and, crucially, *whether her happiness and comfort is more important than yours*. but, his mother wouldn’t be able to flex that strength if your fiancé didn’t allow her to have it. during dinner, and probably still, she was the more important woman to him.
i had to deal with something similar. it almost ended my marriage. the reason we’re still together is my husband eventually realized that i was more important to him than his mother. part of making amends for that was a conversation with his mom: ”this situation made my wife feel awful. it’s threatened our marriage, and i’m never, ever going to allow you to threaten our marriage again.“
that was just the start. it took me another six months to a year to fully forgive him; but i now have full confidence it won’t happen again. he knows it can’t if he wants to remain married.
when someone tells you that you are not important to them, you should listen.
feel free to pm if you want to talk. good luck.
|
you’re definitely nta. you handled this situation a lot better than i would have.
you said at the end that the whole family was treating you like trash and that you’ve had it. so i assume this has been going on a long time. based on your fiancés actions in this situation, two things seem clear to me.
1 - he’s close with his family (especially his mom), so you’re probably going to be around these people a lot. it’s not like it’s an occasional visit or holiday which may be tolerable. it seems like you genuinely will be marrying his family if you marry him. and they’ll likely continue to act this way.
2 - your fiancé does not respect you. i don’t see that he stepped in anywhere in the planning or during the party to tell his mother she wasn’t including you in a party about your engagement. the end result with riding home speaks for itself as well.
it sounds like you’re in a toxic environment. i would seriously reconsider your relationship. think about how hurt you are now. can you imagine dealing with this regularly over years?
|
wait wait wait, this woman insisted on throwing you an engagement party/dinner and then made you pay for it?
nta
the fact that your fiance was on her side here is very concerning.
|
nta. here's a brief overview of what marrying him is going to be like:
your wedding will be planned by her. you will not get a say in anything. you *might* be able to pick your dress, but whatever you pick will not be good enough. do not be surprised if she shows up in white.
your reception will be all about her. she will make a toast that will creepily sound like it's her wedding to her son, not yours. she will ignore you throughout the entire night, unless it's to look good for someone else.
your first child will be named after her or someone important in her family. you *might* get a say in the middle name, though i doubt it. she will demand to be at the birth. any birthing plans you make will get tossed.
raising your kids will always be wrong. even if you and your husband agreed on things beforehand, she will steamroll you about everything. *obviously* she is a better mother, look how her son turned out.
any problems in the marriage? your fault. your husband is a saint.
he cheats? your fault.
he works too much? your fault.
he doesn't help with kids? your fault.
she will literally control you, your life and your kids through your husband. she's a master manipulater, and she plays dirty. she will get her way with your fiance every.single.time. you do not matter. only her and her son matter.
i can not stress enough how you need to get out of that relationship as quickly as possible and not look back.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiance and i got engaged a week ago, it was an absolute disaster, i never wanted a party but my fiance's mom insisted, and wanted to have the engagement party at a restuarant that is expensive (to me) and made my fiance pull money out of his saving accaunt to buy a house just so she could show herself off to her family, she: • picked a restaurant of her choice • invited her whole family while i was only allowed to invite mom & dad • she didn't even order meals until later, because she was arguing about how her favorites weren't on the menu • lied to my parents about food and said in her invitation “join us in celebrating jake and sarah's engagement with desserts and champagne” only!. • she said "no kids" but brought sil's kids with her. she sat in the middle, next to my fiance, and they were both having a toast without me, i was feeling so uncomfertable and super pissed that i couldn't even hide it. my parents were the first to leave, they were upset, can't blame them, it was awful. we were about to leave, my mother in law wanted us to give her a ride home because bil left with his cousin, my fiance said “sure” next thing i knew, she got into the passenger seat, sil tagged along and stuffed her kids in the back where i supposed to sit, i found this so damn inappropriate and humiliating, i asked my fiance if he was serious, i told him i belonged in the passenger seat, but mother in law said i was being disrespectful and refused to sit in the back, and threw some comments at me. i lost it, literally called an uber and told them to go, my fiance lashed out and called me crazy and told me to get in the car because i was embarrassing him, we yelled at each other, he refused to leave, i got in my uber as they watched and went to my parents, cried my eyes out, and refused to answer my phone. to spare myself the shaming. it was awful, awful so awful that i regret not leaving early, i hate them all, they're treating me like trash and i've had it. i'm 24 and my fiance is 27. edit to clearify that (1 she took some of our savings for a new house and spent it on the party (2 she sat in the passenger seat and wanted me to sit in the back. my fiance took her side and said i was embarrassing him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiance and i got engaged a week ago, it was an absolute disaster, i never wanted a party but my fiance's mom insisted, and wanted to have the engagement party at a restuarant that is expensive (to me) and made my fiance pull money out of his saving accaunt to buy a house just so she could show herself off to her family, she: • picked a restaurant of her choice • invited her whole family while i was only allowed to invite mom & dad • she didn't even order meals until later, because she was arguing about how her favorites weren't on the menu • lied to my parents about food and said in her invitation “join us in celebrating jake and sarah's engagement with desserts and champagne” only!. • she said "no kids" but brought sil's kids with her. she sat in the middle, next to my fiance, and they were both having a toast without me, i was feeling so uncomfertable and super pissed that i couldn't even hide it. my parents were the first to leave, they were upset, can't blame them, it was awful. we were about to leave, my mother in law wanted us to give her a ride home because bil left with his cousin, my fiance said “sure” next thing i knew, she got into the passenger seat, sil tagged along and stuffed her kids in the back where i supposed to sit, i found this so damn inappropriate and humiliating, i asked my fiance if he was serious, i told him i belonged in the passenger seat, but mother in law said i was being disrespectful and refused to sit in the back, and threw some comments at me. i lost it, literally called an uber and told them to go, my fiance lashed out and called me crazy and told me to get in the car because i was embarrassing him, we yelled at each other, he refused to leave, i got in my uber as they watched and went to my parents, cried my eyes out, and refused to answer my phone. to spare myself the shaming. it was awful, awful so awful that i regret not leaving early, i hate them all, they're treating me like trash and i've had it. i'm 24 and my fiance is 27. edit to clearify that (1 she took some of our savings for a new house and spent it on the party (2 she sat in the passenger seat and wanted me to sit in the back. my fiance took her side and said i was embarrassing him. [/INST] nta. why would you marry someone who allows his family to treat you this way? sounds like he’s more interested in his relationship with his mother anyway. </s>
|
AITA for cancelling on a group of very out of shape women that hired me to train/guide their hikes?
|
first up please know i am trying my best to be kind in my wording. i run a small operation where i guide groups or help train them to be able to hike. i have served all kinds of clients.
i got an inquiry for a group called "womens+ adventures" and because it was during pride month, i thought maybe it was an lgbtq+ group. i chatted with the head of the group, collected the information (hiking levels, what have they done before, etc), and we exchanged money and i started the training plan.
the group wanted to work up to "a 14er" which if you do them, you know there's all kinds. going off what everyone reported, i decided gray's peak. one of the easiest and most rewarding because of the beautiful valley it's in.
when i arrived for our first group hike, i learned "womens+" meant plus-sized women rather than lgbtq+. no issue, their forms all said they were in good condition to start.
the first hike was... awful. it was a short 4 miles round trip, with 750ft elevation gain. several of them ignored my list of suggestions for attire, footwear, supplies, etc. when we got started hiking, it was very slow. one woman was upset we were starting with something so strenuous and asked for a break every 1/2 mile. one ate all of her snacks after the first break. lots of complaints of it being too hard, too long, etc.
after we got back (6 hours later) i pulled the head aside and asked if everyone was truthful on their abilities forms. she insisted it was all true and then got annoyed that i didn't believe them. when i suggested we aim for a smaller goal, she was obviously very offended. i gave them all "homework" which was to make sure to take a brisk 1 hour walk every day to prepare for the next hike. several of them laughed at me incredulously.
2nd hike went even worse. i had an 8-week plan in place, and it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work. so i called the head and told her that i thought it was best if i refund the cost pro-rated from the two hikes we did. well, she threw a huge tantrum and called me all kinds of names, and insinuated that i am fatphobic, i'm mocking them, etc.
please, please keep in mind that i have helped train several overweight people, including a pair of women in their 60s who send me pictures all the time of their great adventures. i consider myself to be very patient. one of them said they thought we would start with something like a walk in a local park to get us ready to hike in a few weeks. simply put, they weren't realistic with their expectations.
i refunded the money and ended contact only to find my social media bombarded by hate from all kinds of people. you can guess what i was called. i felt awful and in talking over this with people, several told me i was an asshole for not powering through, that i should have given them three chances, that i should have had more patience and understanding that not everyone is a natural athlete.
aita?
| 25,551 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/canwj2/aita_for_cancelling_on_a_group_of_very_out_of/
|
2019-07-08 17:18:25
|
nta - you gave them proper instructions and training exercises. you even tried to adjust the goals to fit the group you had yet these women would not budge
you can’t help a group like that unless they want it
|
nta its not your fault they lied on the form, then continued to lie about their abilities. it wouldn't be safe to continue to work with this group.
|
nta
you soulful trim this down to just being ;
aita for refunding a client group who set unrealistic goals, misinformed you about their current ability, ignored your advice multiple times and weren't willing up put in the effort needed.
doesn't matter that it's +sized women, it could be a bunch of muscular guys from the gym that lift all day but don't do cardio to take a hike like that the outcome is the same
|
nta but you should have language in your contract that allows you to remove any hiker from a group that is wearing inappropriate clothing/ shoes.
bad shoes for a serious hike is a bad idea and you should give yourself an out on it.
|
nta.
> it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work.
my initial thought to this was along the lines of "well thats not your call, let them try" but guess what? you are the expert. nothing in what you said made it seem like you were biased in your decision. you are losing money out on the gig. i'm guessing you did everyone a favor. sucks that you got blasted for doing whats right.
|
nta
you tried to train them and give them exercises which they refused to do ("laughed incredulously").
they do not even have the discipline to eat resources (snacks) the proper way.
your decision is ok and the best to keep them safe : someone not trained correctly trying to hit a hike is on the way for troubles
|
nta - the head of the group was too stubborn to admit that her group was not truthful about their abilities. you have the right to choose which clients you take on and which ones you don't. as an overweight woman myself, i'd leave that group after that first hike. they sounded so annoying.
you are not obligated to give them three chances. if you had given them three chances to start with then that same person would have said you should have given them four. you are not an asshole at all. you didn't walk up, see they they were overweight and walk away. you tried to do what you were hired to do and they made your job very difficult. you did not have to "power through" any of that. truthfully, i wouldn't be surprised if someone got hurt on a future hike because they're too proud to take advice from an expert.
|
nta! what else could you do, stroll around parks for 8 weeks and set them up to fail their challenge?
|
nta. i'm overweight and did my 18th 14er yesterday (mt. yale! it was fun.). i started out hiking places i found on dayhikesneardenver and eventually learned i loved the thrill of peakbagging. i did my first 14er after a solid summer season building up, between long hikes, strenuous elevation gain, some trail running, etc etc. i had to put in the work in between hikes.
you *can do it* if you're fat. but you have to want to do it, put in the work, and change your goals to fit your progress. it sounds like they didn't, and you know how dangerous it can be when a storm rolls in and you're above treeline.
you made the right call.
|
nta, because they clearly lied on their forms, however, all you had to do to preserve your business was to make them take short walks in the park or cut hikes into smaller portions.
next time just ask them what they want and give it to them rather than insisting they can't meet your expectations based on their embellished claims.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: first up please know i am trying my best to be kind in my wording. i run a small operation where i guide groups or help train them to be able to hike. i have served all kinds of clients. i got an inquiry for a group called "womens+ adventures" and because it was during pride month, i thought maybe it was an lgbtq+ group. i chatted with the head of the group, collected the information (hiking levels, what have they done before, etc), and we exchanged money and i started the training plan. the group wanted to work up to "a 14er" which if you do them, you know there's all kinds. going off what everyone reported, i decided gray's peak. one of the easiest and most rewarding because of the beautiful valley it's in. when i arrived for our first group hike, i learned "womens+" meant plus-sized women rather than lgbtq+. no issue, their forms all said they were in good condition to start. the first hike was... awful. it was a short 4 miles round trip, with 750ft elevation gain. several of them ignored my list of suggestions for attire, footwear, supplies, etc. when we got started hiking, it was very slow. one woman was upset we were starting with something so strenuous and asked for a break every 1/2 mile. one ate all of her snacks after the first break. lots of complaints of it being too hard, too long, etc. after we got back (6 hours later) i pulled the head aside and asked if everyone was truthful on their abilities forms. she insisted it was all true and then got annoyed that i didn't believe them. when i suggested we aim for a smaller goal, she was obviously very offended. i gave them all "homework" which was to make sure to take a brisk 1 hour walk every day to prepare for the next hike. several of them laughed at me incredulously. 2nd hike went even worse. i had an 8-week plan in place, and it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work. so i called the head and told her that i thought it was best if i refund the cost pro-rated from the two hikes we did. well, she threw a huge tantrum and called me all kinds of names, and insinuated that i am fatphobic, i'm mocking them, etc. please, please keep in mind that i have helped train several overweight people, including a pair of women in their 60s who send me pictures all the time of their great adventures. i consider myself to be very patient. one of them said they thought we would start with something like a walk in a local park to get us ready to hike in a few weeks. simply put, they weren't realistic with their expectations. i refunded the money and ended contact only to find my social media bombarded by hate from all kinds of people. you can guess what i was called. i felt awful and in talking over this with people, several told me i was an asshole for not powering through, that i should have given them three chances, that i should have had more patience and understanding that not everyone is a natural athlete. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
first up please know i am trying my best to be kind in my wording. i run a small operation where i guide groups or help train them to be able to hike. i have served all kinds of clients. i got an inquiry for a group called "womens+ adventures" and because it was during pride month, i thought maybe it was an lgbtq+ group. i chatted with the head of the group, collected the information (hiking levels, what have they done before, etc), and we exchanged money and i started the training plan. the group wanted to work up to "a 14er" which if you do them, you know there's all kinds. going off what everyone reported, i decided gray's peak. one of the easiest and most rewarding because of the beautiful valley it's in. when i arrived for our first group hike, i learned "womens+" meant plus-sized women rather than lgbtq+. no issue, their forms all said they were in good condition to start. the first hike was... awful. it was a short 4 miles round trip, with 750ft elevation gain. several of them ignored my list of suggestions for attire, footwear, supplies, etc. when we got started hiking, it was very slow. one woman was upset we were starting with something so strenuous and asked for a break every 1/2 mile. one ate all of her snacks after the first break. lots of complaints of it being too hard, too long, etc. after we got back (6 hours later) i pulled the head aside and asked if everyone was truthful on their abilities forms. she insisted it was all true and then got annoyed that i didn't believe them. when i suggested we aim for a smaller goal, she was obviously very offended. i gave them all "homework" which was to make sure to take a brisk 1 hour walk every day to prepare for the next hike. several of them laughed at me incredulously. 2nd hike went even worse. i had an 8-week plan in place, and it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work. so i called the head and told her that i thought it was best if i refund the cost pro-rated from the two hikes we did. well, she threw a huge tantrum and called me all kinds of names, and insinuated that i am fatphobic, i'm mocking them, etc. please, please keep in mind that i have helped train several overweight people, including a pair of women in their 60s who send me pictures all the time of their great adventures. i consider myself to be very patient. one of them said they thought we would start with something like a walk in a local park to get us ready to hike in a few weeks. simply put, they weren't realistic with their expectations. i refunded the money and ended contact only to find my social media bombarded by hate from all kinds of people. you can guess what i was called. i felt awful and in talking over this with people, several told me i was an asshole for not powering through, that i should have given them three chances, that i should have had more patience and understanding that not everyone is a natural athlete. aita? [/INST] nta - you gave them proper instructions and training exercises. you even tried to adjust the goals to fit the group you had yet these women would not budge you can’t help a group like that unless they want it </s>
|
AITA for blowing up on my fiancé infront of his family for getting my daughter's cat out of the house?
|
i f35 got engaged to my fiancé eric m37 2 months ago. he moved in with me and my daughter zoey f13. everything was going well til he started complaining about zoey's cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so i had no idea what the issue was exactly.
anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. he gave zoey a list of places the cat can/can't go, things she's "allowed" to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa (zoey's favorite place to cuddle with her cat). zoey showed me this list and i had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous. he ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married.
few days ago, i was at work and got a call from zoey crying saying her cat wasn't in her room and in the house. i freaked out too and went home to look for her. zoey and i looked for 2 hrs before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving. i was surprised and quite angry. zoey took her cat and went back inside. i immediately drove to my future inlaws home where eric said he'd be. the second i saw him sitting with his family i went off and blew up at him infront of everyone. his mom asked what was happening and i told her her son got my daughter's indoor cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost. he argued about wanting me yo stop spouting nonesense and go home and we'd talk there but i refused. it got worse and i ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him.
he sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt i pulled infront of his family. he said that he didn't mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams i confirmed it. he still insisted that i humiliated him infront of his family and tried to turn them against him.
he's been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting.
aita for blowing up on him infront of his family?
here's some cat tax https://imgur.com/a/louovch
| 25,545 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vi3s1v/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_fiancé_infront_of_his/
|
2022-06-22 12:12:04
|
nta... but if you stay engaged to him, you will be. (towards your daughter)
i hope he's your ex-fiancé, at this point.
|
nta. and this relationship needs to end.
1. he thinks he can control you and your daughter, and it is his right.
2. he has no problem hurting your daughter.
3. he has no problem endangering the life of an animal.
4. he lied to you, and you would know the truth without the cameras. that means that you can't trust him.
5. he gaslit you in front of his family, pretending what he did wasn't as bad as it was.
6. he knows that he is wrong, but doesn't care. he rather get his way. if what he did wasn't wrong, them why hide it from his family?
7. the silence has a reason: it's the beginning of coercive control. withhold everything to put yourself in a position of power and force the other person into negotiating. don't fall for it!!!
8. "this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married" is code for this is the "white claw" level of abuse, when we get married the "grain alcohol with a funnel" level of abuse will start.
maybe he stopped calling, because he knows that he can't easily control both of you. that is a blessing.if you continue with this man, you will be unhappy and it will negatively impact your relationship with your daughter.
i do find it interesting that you came over to his family's home with flames coming out of your nose, and their response was not to tell you to calm down or leave or question your behavior. instead, they asked you what he did and took your side. that usually only happens when a family already knows he is an a-hole by his countless actions. take the lesson here.
|
nta
what he did is horrible.
but what it says about him is way worse. he doesn't just lack empathy, but also respect for you and your daughter and integrety.
|
his house too? really? he moved in and now makes all the rules? how much do you value this controlling relationship. this man is going to get worse and more demanding. set your boundaries and toss this person to the roadside. you and your daughter will be much happier in the long run.
|
nta just break up with him and move on. he's not a good person.
also, i am tickled by the picture of the cat with lol surprise! behind it. i bet he was lol surprised when you showed up at his family's place to call him out on his bullshit.
|
i think he an abusive ah who waited until he was moved in and embedded before showing his true colours.
the fact that his family went off at him as well is very telling.
this is only the tip of the iceberg. there is no future here.
nta.
|
op. holy shit. i cannot emphasize this enough. for your sake. for your daughter sake **do not marry this man**. make him move out. immediately. end this relationship.
nta. don't let him around the cat unsupervised.
he is cold, calculating, and cruel. this is not a man you want to marry.
|
op, nta.
1) change your locks.
2) pack his crap in one big box and tape your ring to the top of it.
3) put said box at the end of the driveway for him to pick up.
4) hug your daughter, give the cat some scritches, and go on with your life.
5) give your neighbor a nice thank you gift for rescuing the cat! (thank you u/icepudding for pointing that out!)
|
i’ve seen the cat, the man should be composted.
nta
|
cancel the engagement and get rid of him. if he's willing to dump someone's pet, who knows what else he might do?
nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f35 got engaged to my fiancé eric m37 2 months ago. he moved in with me and my daughter zoey f13. everything was going well til he started complaining about zoey's cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so i had no idea what the issue was exactly. anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. he gave zoey a list of places the cat can/can't go, things she's "allowed" to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa (zoey's favorite place to cuddle with her cat). zoey showed me this list and i had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous. he ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married. few days ago, i was at work and got a call from zoey crying saying her cat wasn't in her room and in the house. i freaked out too and went home to look for her. zoey and i looked for 2 hrs before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving. i was surprised and quite angry. zoey took her cat and went back inside. i immediately drove to my future inlaws home where eric said he'd be. the second i saw him sitting with his family i went off and blew up at him infront of everyone. his mom asked what was happening and i told her her son got my daughter's indoor cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost. he argued about wanting me yo stop spouting nonesense and go home and we'd talk there but i refused. it got worse and i ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him. he sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt i pulled infront of his family. he said that he didn't mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams i confirmed it. he still insisted that i humiliated him infront of his family and tried to turn them against him. he's been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting. aita for blowing up on him infront of his family? here's some cat tax https://imgur.com/a/louovch
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f35 got engaged to my fiancé eric m37 2 months ago. he moved in with me and my daughter zoey f13. everything was going well til he started complaining about zoey's cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so i had no idea what the issue was exactly. anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. he gave zoey a list of places the cat can/can't go, things she's "allowed" to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa (zoey's favorite place to cuddle with her cat). zoey showed me this list and i had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous. he ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married. few days ago, i was at work and got a call from zoey crying saying her cat wasn't in her room and in the house. i freaked out too and went home to look for her. zoey and i looked for 2 hrs before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving. i was surprised and quite angry. zoey took her cat and went back inside. i immediately drove to my future inlaws home where eric said he'd be. the second i saw him sitting with his family i went off and blew up at him infront of everyone. his mom asked what was happening and i told her her son got my daughter's indoor cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost. he argued about wanting me yo stop spouting nonesense and go home and we'd talk there but i refused. it got worse and i ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him. he sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt i pulled infront of his family. he said that he didn't mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams i confirmed it. he still insisted that i humiliated him infront of his family and tried to turn them against him. he's been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting. aita for blowing up on him infront of his family? here's some cat tax https://imgur.com/a/louovch [/INST] nta... but if you stay engaged to him, you will be. (towards your daughter) i hope he's your ex-fiancé, at this point. </s>
|
AITA for asking my husband to check on me while playing video games?
|
my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online.
a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing.
it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita?
| 25,533 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hnn6gj/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_check_on_me_while/
|
2020-07-08 19:03:54
|
nta - my so is a gamer similar to yours and in between games he has always came to check on me, kiss me etc. he has always done this from when we were dating to now living together. i think it’s really important, not only to check up on you but to let you know he is thinking of you (or maybe i have gotten used to it!!)
|
nta i think that’s a fair compromise for him playing wow 5 nights a week for four hours
|
nta. i don’t know much about wow, but every game has some kind of breaking point in it that leaves time to go and do little things (like going to the bathroom). all you’re asking for is some peace of mind that he, as your husband, should be happy to do for you.
|
nta, there's a story somewhere on reddit about a guy upstairs playing games with noise cancelling headphones. people broke in and attacked his wife (possibly sexually assaulted her, i can't remember). this is a totally valid request.
|
nta: i do it all the time for my wife, don’t see why he can’t.
|
nta. this is a basic courtesy you are asking for from someone who is your partner and is supposed to care for you.
it's funny because this is something that actually happened-ish to myself and my husband a few years ago. i was taking a bath and he was playing video games. i dropped something and it made a very loud noise which he heard. like 5 minutes later he checked on me and asked if i was ok. i asked about the delay, curious as to why he was checking now, and he said he wanted to wait until his he loaded, since he wasn't sure something was wrong. i explained that if something were i might already be dead by the time he checked. now i can't drop the shampoo without him making sure i am ok.
|
nta. i had this same issue with my husband the other day. he was playing with headphones on and i was in the kitchen putting dishes away (i’m pregnant btw) and the whole cabinet came off the wall and almost crushed me! i reacted super quickly and caught it and began screaming for help and nothing. a neighbor came in running before my husband even noticed. i was pretty shook. i told him he needed to lower the volume cause the baby and i could’ve been seriously hurt if the neighbor hadn’t come to help me.
|
nta. this reminds me of the post where the guy was gaming with noise cancelling headphones on and didn’t realize his wife was being raped downstairs. she was being assaulted for 10 mins before he realized something was wrong...
|
how about only one ear covered by the headphones? could solve both your problems.
i nta. but i think the timing is off as he thinks you're simply doing this simply because you fell down. which to men doesn't necessarily make sense
|
nta
i was engaged to a gamer who would literally play all day (lost his job and refused to get another one). we’re talking wake up at noon, game until 4/5am.
one day i fell in the shower - products smashed all over the floor, tile broken etc. loud. absolutely no reaction whatsoever. luckily i was ok apart from a few bruises and a sore head but i could have easily cracked my head open. i just kinda sat there crying in self pity for a while, then went back out and he just completely ignored the obvious mess i was in - asked him also to check in and got a hard no.
yeah... he’s gone now.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online. a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing. it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband is an avid computer gamer - mostly wow-type games. approximately five nights of the week, he'll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours. that in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. he spends plenty of time with me and our son, and i have my own hobbies that he isn't interested in that i engage in when he's online. a few nights ago i was doing laundry while he was playing online, and i stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. i fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. luckily because of the way my weight was shifted i fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but i was otherwise fine. the laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. it was a huge racket. it woke up my son. my husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing. it dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn't know about it for potentially four hours - like what if i broke my leg falling down the stairs? so i asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me. like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. he thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. i know for a fact that he isn't actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different? aita? [/INST] nta - my so is a gamer similar to yours and in between games he has always came to check on me, kiss me etc. he has always done this from when we were dating to now living together. i think it’s really important, not only to check up on you but to let you know he is thinking of you (or maybe i have gotten used to it!!) </s>
|
AITA for telling my roommates gf that she's not woke if she's wrong
|
**
| 25,502 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lltqwg/aita_for_telling_my_roommates_gf_that_shes_not/
|
2021-02-17 12:47:32
|
nta. not woke? she’s straight up racist. ask her if she’d be buying you beans and a sombrero if you were puerto rican. seriously though, she needs a frank talk about what racism is.
|
nta.
“.... so colonised we’ve forgotten our roots & should be embracing our culture.”
if someone said that to me (i’m of indian heritage, born and raised in the uk), i’d tell them to f*** off. that’s personal to me, and so not something that a relative stranger gets to judge about me.
|
nta. you’re a hell of a lot nicer than i am. i would have snapped a lot sooner.
i absolutely detest people thinking they know more about your own culture and acting all woke when they’re a)annoying and b) ignorant
|
nta. she repeatedly ignored that you and your so were not the stereotypical people she assumed you were in favor of attempting to bulldoze you with the way she decided things should be. your reaction is understandable.
and tbh she sounds less "woke" and more "i did a five second google search for this topic and now i'm an expert".
|
nta - she wants to pretend she’s so “woke” yet she instantly turns to white woman tears when she doesn’t get her way telling other people how their culture is done.
|
nta. love how she’s white-splaining how to be asian. what a dumbass
|
nat. your roommate is racist. treating anyone differently (positive in or negative) based on their race....is racist. they are clearly overcompensating for how they truely feel about asians now, or in the past.
|
holy white savior complex batman! nta, almost all of the worlds culture is a result of some form of invasion or colonization, hell england at one point was a very colonized land, between the romans, the saxons, the vikings. i love how the white woke just assume anyone who isn't white is so incapable of understanding where their culture comes and all choices they make aren't theirs because of "colonialism". its perfectly acceptable to look at where your culture comes from, the good and the bad, and accept it for what it is because all of that is what makes your culture unique.
|
nta - she’s racist
also, i’m also sea and celebrate chinese new year, and plastering hell notes on the walls of your house and writing your names on banners for dead people is not only pretty morbid, it is inviting bad luck into your home.
|
what did i just read.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
** [/INST] nta. not woke? she’s straight up racist. ask her if she’d be buying you beans and a sombrero if you were puerto rican. seriously though, she needs a frank talk about what racism is. </s>
|
AITA for showing my husband the text his mom sent me and causing her to be disowned?
|
to start me and my mother in law have never gotten along. she hates my guts and can be oversensitive often times. i tried not to give her the wrong impression about me but we just don't like each other.
sunday, i was feeling sick (i'm a new mom btw) and couldn't eat what she cooked for dinner and she seemeed to take it personal. she sent me a private message of what seemed to be her final straw with my behavior and it stated the following: copy/paste
"oh yes i know and feel your passive aggressive vibe. you keep pretending to be sick so you won't have to eat what i cook? what? you think my cooking is disgusting? you think i'm unhigynec? when was the last time you actually looked at yourself in the mirror? apologies i forgot you're a new mom and can't be bothered to even get your hair brushed. you finally trapped our son and now want to use the baby as a pawn.i don’t like the fact you're my grandchild's mother. i don’t think i'll ever come to terms with it because you bore him. but i’ll pretend. pretend i don’t know my son's been having chats with his ex every chance he gets. be mean to his mommy. me. and you’ll see how far that gets you. oh and when i watch your shitbeast dog it stays chained to a garage day and night until a half hour before you arrive. it stinks up my house you know same with your hair and clothes". my mind was blown and my gut reaction was to immediately go to my husband and show him what his mom sent and he didn't take it well. he tried calling her but she didn't respond. it was 11pm and he decided to drive to his parents house and pick a fight with her about the text. according to my sister in law #1 who witnessed it he yelled at his mother and berated her and caller her names then disowned her which shocked everyone in the house. my mother in law is diabetic she fainted on the spot and my husband didn't stop he just walked out of there while his family were yelling at him. i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother, jeopardized her health because she was taken to the hospital and worsthe of all making my husband disown her over what? a dinner that i could've gotten a few bites of? a simple misunderstanding? they accused me of causing this shitshow and turning my husband on his own mother and disowning her like that. sister in law #3 berated me for sharing the text with my husband saying i should've confronted my mother in law alone instead of escalating the situation. she said i'm responsible for whatever happens next and have to fix the problem i created.
i feel awful overall and so guilty since she's at the hospital and the family are feeling tense. my husband is avoiding me.aita?
| 25,491 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qtpt11/aita_for_showing_my_husband_the_text_his_mom_sent/
|
2021-11-14 13:27:23
|
nta, you had to show that message to your husband. that was a very disturbing text. i also find it weird that she fainted, my son is diabetic and he has never fainted from being confronted.
|
nta rule number one with toxic families let the related partner handle the own family
you did the right thing by showing him the text and not escalate the matter by yourself
and it was his decision how to react
mommy dearest was so shocked that her son would chose to defend you she probably fainted out of shock
|
>i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother
oh, no... you didn't cause that damage and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. your mil caused all that pain and decided that sending a message to purposely hurt you was the way to go. she probably expected you to be so hurt by that message, especially the part where she threw in about your husband chatting with his ex, that you would end up fighting with him. instead, you showed him and he got to see just how spiteful mil is towards you. it's sad she is in hospital though, but that's not your fault either.
also, being a new mum is fucking *hard!* you're already dealing with enough stress as it is, you don't need this. good luck and congrats on the new bub!
|
odds are that her claim that she tortures your pet to punish you is absolutely true, and a real insight into her character. nta.
|
op -- **danger danger danger** -- read this top-level comment by u/xopranaut
> odds are that her claim that she tortures your pet to punish you is absolutely true, and a real insight into her character.
and regardless of what reconciliation may take place in the future, **do not ever leave your children alone in the care of this woman for a single instant**.
eta perhaps i should have said "*pretended* reconciliation", because i doubt that your mil will ever truly change the toxic hatred she clearly feels.
|
nta. your mil thought she could abuse you and get away with it. her son let her know that wasn’t the case. she experienced the consequences of her own hatefulness.
this woman attacked you, admitted to animal abuse, and thought framing her own son as a cheater was better than you being in his life. you did the right thing showing her little hate manifesto to your husband.
she was held responsible for what she did, if the sils don’t want to acknowledge that, they ought to be cut off as well.
|
> i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother,
*you* caused irreparable damage? wtf??
no, op, *she* caused that. *she* caused the "shitshow". *she* "turned your husband against his own mother."
tell your husband thank you. tell him you're proud of him for standing up to his toxic mother.
last part of my advice: this is for your husband. it's his family so it's his call to make... but if *i* were the husband in this situation, i'd show that text to my siblings too, and tell them not to blame me or my wife for what happened, that i want nothing to do with any person who would send a message like that *or* with any person who would *defend* that behavior.
oh -- almost forgot. nta, and neither is your husband.
|
nta, your mil played olympic level fuck around and find out, and she got the gold. getting away from that piece of work is a stellar end to 2021.
|
nta
that was one hell of a message! i understand why your mil didn't say that to you where your husband could hear her. too bad for her that it backfired. if she didn't want her son to read this, she shouldn't have sent it. you are not responsible for her words, nor for your husband's response to them. furthermore, it's very common for each partner in a relationship to handle the communication with their own family. good on your husband for sticking up for you.
|
first of all *she* caused *herself* to be disowned.
you were right to show him the text.
also, the fainting is fake. how does her being diabetic have anything to do with it?
nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: to start me and my mother in law have never gotten along. she hates my guts and can be oversensitive often times. i tried not to give her the wrong impression about me but we just don't like each other. sunday, i was feeling sick (i'm a new mom btw) and couldn't eat what she cooked for dinner and she seemeed to take it personal. she sent me a private message of what seemed to be her final straw with my behavior and it stated the following: copy/paste "oh yes i know and feel your passive aggressive vibe. you keep pretending to be sick so you won't have to eat what i cook? what? you think my cooking is disgusting? you think i'm unhigynec? when was the last time you actually looked at yourself in the mirror? apologies i forgot you're a new mom and can't be bothered to even get your hair brushed. you finally trapped our son and now want to use the baby as a pawn.i don’t like the fact you're my grandchild's mother. i don’t think i'll ever come to terms with it because you bore him. but i’ll pretend. pretend i don’t know my son's been having chats with his ex every chance he gets. be mean to his mommy. me. and you’ll see how far that gets you. oh and when i watch your shitbeast dog it stays chained to a garage day and night until a half hour before you arrive. it stinks up my house you know same with your hair and clothes". my mind was blown and my gut reaction was to immediately go to my husband and show him what his mom sent and he didn't take it well. he tried calling her but she didn't respond. it was 11pm and he decided to drive to his parents house and pick a fight with her about the text. according to my sister in law #1 who witnessed it he yelled at his mother and berated her and caller her names then disowned her which shocked everyone in the house. my mother in law is diabetic she fainted on the spot and my husband didn't stop he just walked out of there while his family were yelling at him. i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother, jeopardized her health because she was taken to the hospital and worsthe of all making my husband disown her over what? a dinner that i could've gotten a few bites of? a simple misunderstanding? they accused me of causing this shitshow and turning my husband on his own mother and disowning her like that. sister in law #3 berated me for sharing the text with my husband saying i should've confronted my mother in law alone instead of escalating the situation. she said i'm responsible for whatever happens next and have to fix the problem i created. i feel awful overall and so guilty since she's at the hospital and the family are feeling tense. my husband is avoiding me.aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
to start me and my mother in law have never gotten along. she hates my guts and can be oversensitive often times. i tried not to give her the wrong impression about me but we just don't like each other. sunday, i was feeling sick (i'm a new mom btw) and couldn't eat what she cooked for dinner and she seemeed to take it personal. she sent me a private message of what seemed to be her final straw with my behavior and it stated the following: copy/paste "oh yes i know and feel your passive aggressive vibe. you keep pretending to be sick so you won't have to eat what i cook? what? you think my cooking is disgusting? you think i'm unhigynec? when was the last time you actually looked at yourself in the mirror? apologies i forgot you're a new mom and can't be bothered to even get your hair brushed. you finally trapped our son and now want to use the baby as a pawn.i don’t like the fact you're my grandchild's mother. i don’t think i'll ever come to terms with it because you bore him. but i’ll pretend. pretend i don’t know my son's been having chats with his ex every chance he gets. be mean to his mommy. me. and you’ll see how far that gets you. oh and when i watch your shitbeast dog it stays chained to a garage day and night until a half hour before you arrive. it stinks up my house you know same with your hair and clothes". my mind was blown and my gut reaction was to immediately go to my husband and show him what his mom sent and he didn't take it well. he tried calling her but she didn't respond. it was 11pm and he decided to drive to his parents house and pick a fight with her about the text. according to my sister in law #1 who witnessed it he yelled at his mother and berated her and caller her names then disowned her which shocked everyone in the house. my mother in law is diabetic she fainted on the spot and my husband didn't stop he just walked out of there while his family were yelling at him. i got several calls and texts from them claiming i just caused irreparable damage in my husband's relationship with his mother, jeopardized her health because she was taken to the hospital and worsthe of all making my husband disown her over what? a dinner that i could've gotten a few bites of? a simple misunderstanding? they accused me of causing this shitshow and turning my husband on his own mother and disowning her like that. sister in law #3 berated me for sharing the text with my husband saying i should've confronted my mother in law alone instead of escalating the situation. she said i'm responsible for whatever happens next and have to fix the problem i created. i feel awful overall and so guilty since she's at the hospital and the family are feeling tense. my husband is avoiding me.aita? [/INST] nta, you had to show that message to your husband. that was a very disturbing text. i also find it weird that she fainted, my son is diabetic and he has never fainted from being confronted. </s>
|
AITA for being livid at my (now) husband?
|
my (33f) husband (30m) and i got married last week. i had been super chill throughout the whole wedding planning, and during the actual event. because i know sh\*t happens and if anything goes wrong, or not exactly how we wanted, it's not that big of a deal and may even make the wedding more memorable for the guests. the one thing that i told my husband i didn't want to happen was i didn't want him smashing cake in my face. i had a suspicion that he would find it funny to do it, so during the planning, i flat out told him not to do it. i don't think it's funny, i don't want to mess up my makeup that took hours to apply, and i don't want cake on my expensive wedding dress. i told him i would be livid if he did it. he promised that he wouldn't.
well, come the cake cutting time, what did he do? smashed the cake in my face! it got on my dress, and messed up my makeup, just like i knew it would. i'm pretty sure his friends convinced him to do it, not that that makes it any better. i kept it together, went and cleaned myself up, and put on a smile for the rest of the reception. but afterwards, i let loose on him. i yelled at him that this was the one thing i asked him not to do, and he promised that he wouldn't. he told me i was being dramatic, that it's not a big deal, and we should just be enjoying our time as newlyweds. so was i being overly dramatic? aita?
| 25,486 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uwpjcd/aita_for_being_livid_at_my_now_husband/
|
2022-05-24 12:20:30
|
nta
ah, you didn't want a trashy wedding, and you married someone who did. i hope this works out for you. i've never been to a wedding where the bridal couple smashed cake in each other's faces. sounds dreadful.
|
nta
you: don’t do this one thing
him: does it
you: are livid
him: surprised pikachu face
|
why do i get the feeling you should already be talking to a divorce lawyer...
|
nta. you asked for one thing and he didnt listen... what he did was so disrespectful and sets the tone for the rest of your marriage. and he doubled down by saying you're being dramatic instead of apologizing. i'd be livid too!
|
you should've made a scene honestly.
nta
and instead of apologising telling you, that he stands behind that action is honestly even worse. he does not reget it. he lied to you and did something he know would hurt your feelings and now tells you he still doesn't care.
i honestly don't now where i would go from here. therapy maybe?
|
what worries me isn't that he did the cake smashing itself.
it is his response back to you.
he should have apologized and listened to you, and really realized his mistake. instead, he diminished your very valid feelings and reasons.
has he apologized yet? for calling you over dramatic?
nta.
|
this is a variant on the classic "it was just a joke" when the butt of the joke is far from amused.
please consider an anullment. this jackass doesn't have enough empathy to realize the implications of the concept that you, too, are a human being.
nta.
|
welcome to your future ma'am.
nta.
|
is it not too late for annulment? nta.
|
nta
you married a child
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (33f) husband (30m) and i got married last week. i had been super chill throughout the whole wedding planning, and during the actual event. because i know sh\*t happens and if anything goes wrong, or not exactly how we wanted, it's not that big of a deal and may even make the wedding more memorable for the guests. the one thing that i told my husband i didn't want to happen was i didn't want him smashing cake in my face. i had a suspicion that he would find it funny to do it, so during the planning, i flat out told him not to do it. i don't think it's funny, i don't want to mess up my makeup that took hours to apply, and i don't want cake on my expensive wedding dress. i told him i would be livid if he did it. he promised that he wouldn't. well, come the cake cutting time, what did he do? smashed the cake in my face! it got on my dress, and messed up my makeup, just like i knew it would. i'm pretty sure his friends convinced him to do it, not that that makes it any better. i kept it together, went and cleaned myself up, and put on a smile for the rest of the reception. but afterwards, i let loose on him. i yelled at him that this was the one thing i asked him not to do, and he promised that he wouldn't. he told me i was being dramatic, that it's not a big deal, and we should just be enjoying our time as newlyweds. so was i being overly dramatic? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (33f) husband (30m) and i got married last week. i had been super chill throughout the whole wedding planning, and during the actual event. because i know sh\*t happens and if anything goes wrong, or not exactly how we wanted, it's not that big of a deal and may even make the wedding more memorable for the guests. the one thing that i told my husband i didn't want to happen was i didn't want him smashing cake in my face. i had a suspicion that he would find it funny to do it, so during the planning, i flat out told him not to do it. i don't think it's funny, i don't want to mess up my makeup that took hours to apply, and i don't want cake on my expensive wedding dress. i told him i would be livid if he did it. he promised that he wouldn't. well, come the cake cutting time, what did he do? smashed the cake in my face! it got on my dress, and messed up my makeup, just like i knew it would. i'm pretty sure his friends convinced him to do it, not that that makes it any better. i kept it together, went and cleaned myself up, and put on a smile for the rest of the reception. but afterwards, i let loose on him. i yelled at him that this was the one thing i asked him not to do, and he promised that he wouldn't. he told me i was being dramatic, that it's not a big deal, and we should just be enjoying our time as newlyweds. so was i being overly dramatic? aita? [/INST] nta ah, you didn't want a trashy wedding, and you married someone who did. i hope this works out for you. i've never been to a wedding where the bridal couple smashed cake in each other's faces. sounds dreadful. </s>
|
AITA for saying that my kids are not my “greatest accomplishment” and that I resent the assumption they are?
|
i love my kids, but they are not my everything. i had a whole lifetime before. i ran marathons, climbed mountains, wrote a novel that was published and did moderately successful in the 00s, and have a mfa in creative writing.
chatting with some folks in the neighborhood, we got to talking about our greatest accomplishments. when it came to me, tom said “oh, well we know what your greatest accomplishment is, obviously. you have three beautiful, well-behaved children.”
i was honestly shocked, and i said no, that’s not my greatest accomplishment. he looked just as shocked, and i said what my greatest accomplishment is, and then said “and by the way, i resent the assumption that having kids is my greatest accomplishment. you have kids, why didn’t you say that?”
he said how he didn’t *birth* the kids, and how that’s a miracle of life and all that gag-me shit. i just rolled my eyes and said “let’s not boil women down to their biological functions, kay?”
jen, who has kids, chimed in and said “well, my kids are my greatest accomplishment. i can’t imagine thinking anything else.”
tom looked super smug, others including other moms chimed in. all of the moms agreed their kids were their greatest accomplishment.
i kind of stewed about it. after that, the woman who chimed in sent me a message asking me if i needed to talk to someone, and asked if i was depressed, because my statement was worrisome. she ended up reaching out to my husband to encourage me to get help, because it seems i’m unhappy being a mom and that puts my kids at risk.
am i really the asshole here for thinking being a mom isn’t the end all be all of my life? like… wtf?
**
| 25,485 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m3prac/aita_for_saying_that_my_kids_are_not_my_greatest/
|
2021-03-12 20:00:15
|
nta you are spot on. these women are defining themselves by a biological function. in theory, it’s the raising of those offspring that would count more, and include smug faced tom (if he has kids).
|
[removed]
|
nta. tom and jen are absolutely the ahs here. holy cow. i’m a mom and it strikes me so oddly that people call kids an accomplishment. like they’re a step to check off or something. they’re human beings to raise and shape into good people, not *things*. i honestly can’t get over the nerve of jen to message your husband that garbage and i sincerely hope he told her to eff off.
|
nta! if anything it sounds like they might be a little bitter over the fact that you have accomplished so much
|
who wants to take bets on the likelihood that those women just said what they thought was meant to be said...
nta
|
nta. children are people, not an accomplishment.
|
i get a different read from your story than most. they were giving you a compliment, “you have three beautiful, well-behaved children” and while you may not have had the default answer of your kids being your biggest accomplishment, i think you feel the need to pick a fight because they are assuming you might have the same perspective that they have.
if you feel the need to correct them, go for it, but perhaps you use it as a moment to teach them rather than being combative and the whole “gag-me shit”.
|
nta
i hate the assumption that everyone has to think exactly the same when it comes to kids.
i’m pregnant and half of my workmates seem baffled that i’m not coo-ing and desperately fighting other people to hold babies when people bring them into the office!
i would assume that you did mention that you’re proud of your kids at some point in the conversation? but that you found raising them less of a challenge than x or y?
each to their own - as long as your kids are cared for, loved and supported, no one has any right to tell you how to feel.
|
esh. honestly, you all sound insufferable
|
[deleted]
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
| null | 0.024102 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i love my kids, but they are not my everything. i had a whole lifetime before. i ran marathons, climbed mountains, wrote a novel that was published and did moderately successful in the 00s, and have a mfa in creative writing. chatting with some folks in the neighborhood, we got to talking about our greatest accomplishments. when it came to me, tom said “oh, well we know what your greatest accomplishment is, obviously. you have three beautiful, well-behaved children.” i was honestly shocked, and i said no, that’s not my greatest accomplishment. he looked just as shocked, and i said what my greatest accomplishment is, and then said “and by the way, i resent the assumption that having kids is my greatest accomplishment. you have kids, why didn’t you say that?” he said how he didn’t *birth* the kids, and how that’s a miracle of life and all that gag-me shit. i just rolled my eyes and said “let’s not boil women down to their biological functions, kay?” jen, who has kids, chimed in and said “well, my kids are my greatest accomplishment. i can’t imagine thinking anything else.” tom looked super smug, others including other moms chimed in. all of the moms agreed their kids were their greatest accomplishment. i kind of stewed about it. after that, the woman who chimed in sent me a message asking me if i needed to talk to someone, and asked if i was depressed, because my statement was worrisome. she ended up reaching out to my husband to encourage me to get help, because it seems i’m unhappy being a mom and that puts my kids at risk. am i really the asshole here for thinking being a mom isn’t the end all be all of my life? like… wtf? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i love my kids, but they are not my everything. i had a whole lifetime before. i ran marathons, climbed mountains, wrote a novel that was published and did moderately successful in the 00s, and have a mfa in creative writing. chatting with some folks in the neighborhood, we got to talking about our greatest accomplishments. when it came to me, tom said “oh, well we know what your greatest accomplishment is, obviously. you have three beautiful, well-behaved children.” i was honestly shocked, and i said no, that’s not my greatest accomplishment. he looked just as shocked, and i said what my greatest accomplishment is, and then said “and by the way, i resent the assumption that having kids is my greatest accomplishment. you have kids, why didn’t you say that?” he said how he didn’t *birth* the kids, and how that’s a miracle of life and all that gag-me shit. i just rolled my eyes and said “let’s not boil women down to their biological functions, kay?” jen, who has kids, chimed in and said “well, my kids are my greatest accomplishment. i can’t imagine thinking anything else.” tom looked super smug, others including other moms chimed in. all of the moms agreed their kids were their greatest accomplishment. i kind of stewed about it. after that, the woman who chimed in sent me a message asking me if i needed to talk to someone, and asked if i was depressed, because my statement was worrisome. she ended up reaching out to my husband to encourage me to get help, because it seems i’m unhappy being a mom and that puts my kids at risk. am i really the asshole here for thinking being a mom isn’t the end all be all of my life? like… wtf? ** [/INST] nta you are spot on. these women are defining themselves by a biological function. in theory, it’s the raising of those offspring that would count more, and include smug faced tom (if he has kids). </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to celebrate my mom on MY birthday?
|
i have three siblings between the ages of 10 and 18. i'm the oldest fourth at 25. every year on every single one of our birthday, we're expected to celebrate my mom as well. we've done it since we were little. it was taught to me as 'giving thanks for carrying + giving birth to us'. which i'm all for, i am grateful as we wouldn't be here without her. the issue is though, it becomes less of our birthday and more-so an anniversary for the day our mom gave birth.
every year on our birthday our mom gets gifts too. as we got older, we're now expected to get her monetary gifts (and not cards, or homemade stuff). just recently was my birthday and i was gifted some much needed clothes and dishware for my new apartment. my dad however got my mom a new macbook. my siblings all got her gifts too. my youngest brother isn't expected to give much, but my 16 year old sister and 18 year old 2nd brother work so they're expected to give gifts too. my sister pulled me aside before my birthday and said she was sorry she couldn't get me much (she got me a sweater, i love it!) and that she wanted to get me more but our mom was pressuring her to get a certain necklace for our mom. apparently my mom had been dropping hints for month and my sister was worried our mom would be upset and feel underappreciated if she didn't get it.
i asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300. i honestly lost it on our mom and chewed into her later that afternoon when my mom opened her gifts after me. i think she's ridiculous for even wanting my sister to spend so much on a gift! mom started crying and my dad kicked me out. mom won't answer calls but my aunt (mom's sister) called and said i was a pos for not respecting my mother and that i'm a selfish, narcissist child for being jealous of the gifts mom got.
i thought i was in the right, but now i don't know. it's been over two weeks and mom won't answer my calls. she's been posting on facebook inspiration quotes about letting go of the toxicity in your life, how blood doesn't equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother. several family members (aunt, grandma, uncle, and two of my cousins) are replying to the posts and are very obviously directing vague comments at me about being a horrible daughter... idk what to think now because of how many people are on her side :/
| 25,442 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/suo7nj/aita_for_not_wanting_to_celebrate_my_mom_on_my/
|
2022-02-17 12:57:54
|
nta.
it was her choice to carry 4 children and give birth to them.
your mother sounds self-centered ans selfish.
as far as toxicity in one's life and how blood doesn't equal family, i think you should apply that to your mother, not to you.
|
[removed]
|
nta however your mom though. holy crapbucket. how the hell can you feel entitled to a 300$ gift from your kid(at 18). and expecting 5 birthdays a year. your mom and your enabling family are messed up.
i would have cut them off asap. maybe leave an olive branch for your siblings if they wanna run at some point as well.
|
nta so much! your birthday and your mum got a new macbook, a 300 necklace plus more? and she does this 4x a year plus christmas, her own birthday and mother’s day. also why is your dad ignored here? it’s shocking how awful she is guilting you all into spending loads on her so much each year
|
nta and i've never in my life heard of such a ridiculous thing as gifts for the mother or father for a kids birthday. that is some narcissistic nonsense. shouldn't your father get them too? on mother's day and father's day are they expected to give you guys gifts since you are the reason they are parents? maybe you should stop trying to contact them and distance yourself for a while without any contact with your parents (siblings clearly need your level head). seriously, what a load of crap behavior.
|
[removed]
|
nta. giving your mom gifts on *your* birthday isn’t a normal thing.
|
[removed]
|
pretty rich of your aunt to call you the narcissist when your mother has been taking advantage of you four to milk for more gifts and money. this is just like the parents who say their kids owe them for “x y z bullshit”. nta, and this is the weirdest thing i’ve ever heard of.
|
nta - this the first time i’ve ever heard of “gifts for the mother” on the person’s birthday. so your mom gets four rounds of gifts, plus her birthday, that is pretty demanding.
start having birthday celebrations without them going forward. like going out with a bunch of friends instead. the fact your parents have continued it for you up to age 25 means your mom doesn’t want give give up he extra present day.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have three siblings between the ages of 10 and 18. i'm the oldest fourth at 25. every year on every single one of our birthday, we're expected to celebrate my mom as well. we've done it since we were little. it was taught to me as 'giving thanks for carrying + giving birth to us'. which i'm all for, i am grateful as we wouldn't be here without her. the issue is though, it becomes less of our birthday and more-so an anniversary for the day our mom gave birth. every year on our birthday our mom gets gifts too. as we got older, we're now expected to get her monetary gifts (and not cards, or homemade stuff). just recently was my birthday and i was gifted some much needed clothes and dishware for my new apartment. my dad however got my mom a new macbook. my siblings all got her gifts too. my youngest brother isn't expected to give much, but my 16 year old sister and 18 year old 2nd brother work so they're expected to give gifts too. my sister pulled me aside before my birthday and said she was sorry she couldn't get me much (she got me a sweater, i love it!) and that she wanted to get me more but our mom was pressuring her to get a certain necklace for our mom. apparently my mom had been dropping hints for month and my sister was worried our mom would be upset and feel underappreciated if she didn't get it. i asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300. i honestly lost it on our mom and chewed into her later that afternoon when my mom opened her gifts after me. i think she's ridiculous for even wanting my sister to spend so much on a gift! mom started crying and my dad kicked me out. mom won't answer calls but my aunt (mom's sister) called and said i was a pos for not respecting my mother and that i'm a selfish, narcissist child for being jealous of the gifts mom got. i thought i was in the right, but now i don't know. it's been over two weeks and mom won't answer my calls. she's been posting on facebook inspiration quotes about letting go of the toxicity in your life, how blood doesn't equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother. several family members (aunt, grandma, uncle, and two of my cousins) are replying to the posts and are very obviously directing vague comments at me about being a horrible daughter... idk what to think now because of how many people are on her side :/
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have three siblings between the ages of 10 and 18. i'm the oldest fourth at 25. every year on every single one of our birthday, we're expected to celebrate my mom as well. we've done it since we were little. it was taught to me as 'giving thanks for carrying + giving birth to us'. which i'm all for, i am grateful as we wouldn't be here without her. the issue is though, it becomes less of our birthday and more-so an anniversary for the day our mom gave birth. every year on our birthday our mom gets gifts too. as we got older, we're now expected to get her monetary gifts (and not cards, or homemade stuff). just recently was my birthday and i was gifted some much needed clothes and dishware for my new apartment. my dad however got my mom a new macbook. my siblings all got her gifts too. my youngest brother isn't expected to give much, but my 16 year old sister and 18 year old 2nd brother work so they're expected to give gifts too. my sister pulled me aside before my birthday and said she was sorry she couldn't get me much (she got me a sweater, i love it!) and that she wanted to get me more but our mom was pressuring her to get a certain necklace for our mom. apparently my mom had been dropping hints for month and my sister was worried our mom would be upset and feel underappreciated if she didn't get it. i asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300. i honestly lost it on our mom and chewed into her later that afternoon when my mom opened her gifts after me. i think she's ridiculous for even wanting my sister to spend so much on a gift! mom started crying and my dad kicked me out. mom won't answer calls but my aunt (mom's sister) called and said i was a pos for not respecting my mother and that i'm a selfish, narcissist child for being jealous of the gifts mom got. i thought i was in the right, but now i don't know. it's been over two weeks and mom won't answer my calls. she's been posting on facebook inspiration quotes about letting go of the toxicity in your life, how blood doesn't equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother. several family members (aunt, grandma, uncle, and two of my cousins) are replying to the posts and are very obviously directing vague comments at me about being a horrible daughter... idk what to think now because of how many people are on her side :/ [/INST] nta. it was her choice to carry 4 children and give birth to them. your mother sounds self-centered ans selfish. as far as toxicity in one's life and how blood doesn't equal family, i think you should apply that to your mother, not to you. </s>
|
AITA for laughing in my mother's friends face when she told me to 'go to my room'?
|
i (25,f) don't speak to my mother, like at all. i had to go to my mother's house today to pick up an important document that i left behind when i moved out seven years ago.
as soon as i got to the house, my mother suddenly had a massive 'emergency' and realised that it was apparently her friend's funeral today and she completely forgot about it. i couldn't help but internally roll my eyes, as there is always some drama hence why i have gone no/very low contact.
she asked me if i would watch my two younger brothers (7 and 11) whilst she went to the funeral, and i said absolutely not, as it's my only day off, i have plans, and i have no relationship with them due to my mother stopping them from seeing me for years. i just wanted to get my birth certificate and leave.
my mother asked her friend if she would babysit and asked me to stay for 10 minutes until her friend came. i didn't even get the opportunity to say no before my mother left the house. i was seething but resolved to wait 10 minutes. my mother's friend turned up and started berating me for not agreeing to look after my brother's whilst my mother went to the funeral.
i said 'i don't have anything to do with my mother, it's my day off work, and i'm under no obligation to look after anyone else's children'. my mother's friend then told me to 'go to my room'. i laughed in her face and started to leave the house, and she asked me where i was going. and i told her, 'my room, at my apartment, that i pay for with my big girl job. because i'm an adult, not a child. and don't ever speak down to me like that again'. and i left.
my mother has left me loads of messages and missed calls saying i'm an ah for the way i spoke to her friend. i do admit i look kinda young but i still am not happy with the way my mother's friend spoke to me.
aita?
| 25,433 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x1n1cu/aita_for_laughing_in_my_mothers_friends_face_when/
|
2022-08-30 16:08:52
|
nta.
i actually quite admire your refusal to get drawn in.
|
nta
the audacity to try and send someone else's adult child to their room. i would have laughed too.
|
> i may be ta because my mother's friend didn't know me and may have genuinely thought i was a minor as i do look very young for my age.
it really wouldn't matter. you're nta now and you'd have been nta if you had been a minor - she had no business speaking to you that way regardless.
the fact that adults can quite often get away with behaving badly towards children because children don't usually have the ability to do what you did here doesn't mean that their behaviour is good, it just means they can get away with it.
she behaved like an arse, and you spanked her.
|
nta
lol about going to your room. for future reference, you can get your birth certificate at the city hall in the city you were born in. you didn't need to go to your mother's house.
|
absolutely nta. your mom’s friend was very inappropriate, and there was nothing wrong with your response to her. i don’t blame you for laughing, either.
|
nta. in fact, i think it would have been impossible for you to respond any better.
|
info: did you get your documents?
|
i think you handled it pretty well.
sounds like you mum was misleading her friend - sounds like the friend had been told you were being mean not helping out with your little brothers, suspect she missed out the fact that you don't live there and barely know the boys because she denied you a relationship with them.
|
nta
other snappy comebacks include, “i haven’t had a room in this house for seven years. bye.”
|
i loved how savage you were😂😂😂
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (25,f) don't speak to my mother, like at all. i had to go to my mother's house today to pick up an important document that i left behind when i moved out seven years ago. as soon as i got to the house, my mother suddenly had a massive 'emergency' and realised that it was apparently her friend's funeral today and she completely forgot about it. i couldn't help but internally roll my eyes, as there is always some drama hence why i have gone no/very low contact. she asked me if i would watch my two younger brothers (7 and 11) whilst she went to the funeral, and i said absolutely not, as it's my only day off, i have plans, and i have no relationship with them due to my mother stopping them from seeing me for years. i just wanted to get my birth certificate and leave. my mother asked her friend if she would babysit and asked me to stay for 10 minutes until her friend came. i didn't even get the opportunity to say no before my mother left the house. i was seething but resolved to wait 10 minutes. my mother's friend turned up and started berating me for not agreeing to look after my brother's whilst my mother went to the funeral. i said 'i don't have anything to do with my mother, it's my day off work, and i'm under no obligation to look after anyone else's children'. my mother's friend then told me to 'go to my room'. i laughed in her face and started to leave the house, and she asked me where i was going. and i told her, 'my room, at my apartment, that i pay for with my big girl job. because i'm an adult, not a child. and don't ever speak down to me like that again'. and i left. my mother has left me loads of messages and missed calls saying i'm an ah for the way i spoke to her friend. i do admit i look kinda young but i still am not happy with the way my mother's friend spoke to me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (25,f) don't speak to my mother, like at all. i had to go to my mother's house today to pick up an important document that i left behind when i moved out seven years ago. as soon as i got to the house, my mother suddenly had a massive 'emergency' and realised that it was apparently her friend's funeral today and she completely forgot about it. i couldn't help but internally roll my eyes, as there is always some drama hence why i have gone no/very low contact. she asked me if i would watch my two younger brothers (7 and 11) whilst she went to the funeral, and i said absolutely not, as it's my only day off, i have plans, and i have no relationship with them due to my mother stopping them from seeing me for years. i just wanted to get my birth certificate and leave. my mother asked her friend if she would babysit and asked me to stay for 10 minutes until her friend came. i didn't even get the opportunity to say no before my mother left the house. i was seething but resolved to wait 10 minutes. my mother's friend turned up and started berating me for not agreeing to look after my brother's whilst my mother went to the funeral. i said 'i don't have anything to do with my mother, it's my day off work, and i'm under no obligation to look after anyone else's children'. my mother's friend then told me to 'go to my room'. i laughed in her face and started to leave the house, and she asked me where i was going. and i told her, 'my room, at my apartment, that i pay for with my big girl job. because i'm an adult, not a child. and don't ever speak down to me like that again'. and i left. my mother has left me loads of messages and missed calls saying i'm an ah for the way i spoke to her friend. i do admit i look kinda young but i still am not happy with the way my mother's friend spoke to me. aita? [/INST] nta. i actually quite admire your refusal to get drawn in. </s>
|
AITA for exposing the real reason my sister and her bf broke up.
|
throwaway, and i will be keeping this is anonymous as i can, every name will be fake.
my sister (cas) 25f and her boyfriend (jon) of 3 years 24m broke up last week, i'm good friends with jon and we chat in a discord server often. i assumed it was a mutual breakup and so asked jon if he was doing ok, he then asked me if i knew the reason they broke up. i said no and he explained that it was because he was bisexual, he even showed me screenshots where it showed how homophobic my sister is, i was shocked and apologized to him.
the next day i was scrolling through facebook and noticed my sister had made a post about the breakup, turns out she is claiming that he cheated on her. she must of blocked him so he could not show the actual truth.
with jon's permission i posted all the screenshots on my facebook page.
it caused my parents to call me and tell me i have to take the post down as my sister has had over 30 people unfriend her, i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life.
aita?
edit 1
i've seen no proof of my sisters claims besides her word. and from what the screenshots showed she absolutely hated the fact that he was bi and wanted nothing to do with him.
| 25,376 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/byiwjh/aita_for_exposing_the_real_reason_my_sister_and/
|
2019-06-09 10:28:19
|
nta
your sister wanted to give him a bad name. it's simple as that.
>my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life.
it seems your mum is okay with the fact that she made homophobic comments towards her own bf (at the time) and then willingly slander his name.
>i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice.
from this, it seems she is mad her plan to make him look like the bad guy failed.
happy pride month jon, if he sees this🏳🌈
|
nta, but you're going to have trouble dealing with your family, who seems to be going with the "blood is thicker than water" approach.
the only question i have is whether all the things stated could be true; he could be bisexual, she could be homophobic, and he could have cheated on her. in that case, it'd be esh. it might have been worthwhile to confront your sister before exposing her.
|
esh
how do you know that jon didn’t cheat on your sister? why does he get the benefit of the doubt?
also, if you actually cared about your sister, you should have sat down with her and had a discussion about her homophobia. maybe actually try to change her mind. instead, you went out of your way to publicly humiliate her.
it definitely sounds like there is more to this story and y’all need therapy.
|
info. can you say for sure that her hate doesnt come from him cheating?
|
[deleted]
|
yta. how do you know jon didn’t cheat? why is it not ok for your sister to not want to be with a bi person? my last two partners have been and i could tell they were nervous about how i’d react, but i didn’t have to be ok with it. i’m curious as to what these homophobic messages were exactly. i have an extremely hard time believing your sister got that upset about him liking guys and girls. there has to be more to this story and you’re a huge ass for not getting both sides and publicly shaming your family.
|
yta based on current information. i do not think you have enough information to exclude the possibility that he was cheating on her. if he was, her statements are true, and he has no room to complain.
if you were certain that sister did not believe ex cheated, you would be n-ta -- because she is telling lies about him. contrary to some commenters, i don't think calling her out
on facebook for private comments made to someone else would be appropriate if she weren't lying about ex.
even in that case, parents are not ta -- you were not obliged to get involved in this situation, and parents are entitled to think (and say) that they don't think you should have. ex has his own facebook account, so is not dependent on you to tell his side of the story.
|
yta. there is no need for facebook posts, talk to your sister about it, find out her version. try to talk some sense into her regarding her homophobic behavior.
if you still feel for jon then explain his side to her for her to understand.
if she did lie on her post make her take it back threatening to do what you did.
there are many step you could have done in private instead of going strait to posting something without having all the infomation.
|
esh you should have talked to her before putting the screenshots up. she atleast deserved a chance tell her sid of the story knowing that you have this info. her post was a dickmove tho, but so was your posting the screenshots without any warnings. jon's cool tho!
|
you mad? definitely nta. she knew what she was getting into when she lied, you did the right thing.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.665712 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway, and i will be keeping this is anonymous as i can, every name will be fake. my sister (cas) 25f and her boyfriend (jon) of 3 years 24m broke up last week, i'm good friends with jon and we chat in a discord server often. i assumed it was a mutual breakup and so asked jon if he was doing ok, he then asked me if i knew the reason they broke up. i said no and he explained that it was because he was bisexual, he even showed me screenshots where it showed how homophobic my sister is, i was shocked and apologized to him. the next day i was scrolling through facebook and noticed my sister had made a post about the breakup, turns out she is claiming that he cheated on her. she must of blocked him so he could not show the actual truth. with jon's permission i posted all the screenshots on my facebook page. it caused my parents to call me and tell me i have to take the post down as my sister has had over 30 people unfriend her, i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. aita? edit 1 i've seen no proof of my sisters claims besides her word. and from what the screenshots showed she absolutely hated the fact that he was bi and wanted nothing to do with him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway, and i will be keeping this is anonymous as i can, every name will be fake. my sister (cas) 25f and her boyfriend (jon) of 3 years 24m broke up last week, i'm good friends with jon and we chat in a discord server often. i assumed it was a mutual breakup and so asked jon if he was doing ok, he then asked me if i knew the reason they broke up. i said no and he explained that it was because he was bisexual, he even showed me screenshots where it showed how homophobic my sister is, i was shocked and apologized to him. the next day i was scrolling through facebook and noticed my sister had made a post about the breakup, turns out she is claiming that he cheated on her. she must of blocked him so he could not show the actual truth. with jon's permission i posted all the screenshots on my facebook page. it caused my parents to call me and tell me i have to take the post down as my sister has had over 30 people unfriend her, i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. aita? edit 1 i've seen no proof of my sisters claims besides her word. and from what the screenshots showed she absolutely hated the fact that he was bi and wanted nothing to do with him. [/INST] nta your sister wanted to give him a bad name. it's simple as that. >my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. it seems your mum is okay with the fact that she made homophobic comments towards her own bf (at the time) and then willingly slander his name. >i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. from this, it seems she is mad her plan to make him look like the bad guy failed. happy pride month jon, if he sees this🏳🌈 </s>
|
AITA? for refusing to sign anything while my eyes are blindfolded?
|
eversince i got out of the hospital for chronic problems, my husband has been introducing me to some games every evening. one game used to be about doing things while my eyes are blindfolded. involving puzzles, ruby's cube, shaped objects et cetra.... we'd take turns to do it just for entertainment.
just a couple of days ago, he's been trying to get me to sign papers while wearing a blind fold. i refused to do it because he never lets me take a look at what i'm signing neither before or after. he says that he was just trying to see if i could leave the same signature everytime i sign but i couldn't help feel uncomfortable. i told him i don't want to play this game unless and until he shows me the papers first, he said "nevermind then" and stopped bringing it up.
last night, he tried to convince me to give it a try and even volunteered to go first, i asked if he was going to show me what i was going to sign and he made a face and said no, it's the rules and i should respect them. i refused and he kept on about how i keep acting worried and suspicious for no reason. he said i clearly don't trust him and he was hurt by finding that out now after everything we been through. we had an argument and i told him to drop it and not bring it up again, period. he was mad despite saying it was no big deal, he was obviously upset with me and kept talking about how i don't trust him and that i was out of line to assume or suspect anything from him like this. i might be paranoid but i couldn't help it. i do think i was ta to him after he stood by my side when my own family didn't even visit.
| 25,336 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sx8jum/aita_for_refusing_to_sign_anything_while_my_eyes/
|
2022-02-20 19:01:59
|
nta nta nta
this is extremely suspicious 🤨 obviously he wants you to sign on something important…
financial documents, loan, will, property, divorce papers???? list could be endless…
do not sign on anything blindfolded- i would add do not sign on any blank paper from now on…
|
nta. the fact that he won’t let you see your signature is a huge red flag. i’m concerned that all of the games he introduced you to were just a way of conditioning you to believe the signature is innocent.
op— please be sure you tell a trusted person what has happened. perhaps an attorney can help you draft a document that says that anything you did sign since you left the hospital was not signed under your own free will. your husband needs to know that other people are familiar with these ‘games’ he has been playing.
|
nta. this is fucking creepy. if he really just wanted to see if you could sign your name the same time, he'd let you see the paper. i wouldn't drop this, op. he's up to something really fishy. also, straight up gaslighting you by taking the focus off his creepy "game" to you not trusting him.
|
nta. ask to see those papers. they exist. do not take no for an answer. if you see those papers, you might not decide to divorce. if you don't see them, get a divorce.
|
nta. something is very fishy here.
|
nta but if i was you, i would say yes. pretent you're gonna sign and quickly grab the paper (if that is an option ofcourse). you really need to know what is going on, this is really disturbing.
|
nta
hugeeee red flag like wtf, change hospitals if you can, hoping things get better for you
|
most definitely nta. this sounds like something you’d hear about in a true crime retelling - next step being some sort of sneaky poisoning
|
nta. he's waiving more red flags than a chinese parade. my mind goes to divorce papers or obscene loans.
|
nta. maybe i watch too much dateline, but he’s probably trying to kill you. was your recent hospitalization suspicious at all?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: eversince i got out of the hospital for chronic problems, my husband has been introducing me to some games every evening. one game used to be about doing things while my eyes are blindfolded. involving puzzles, ruby's cube, shaped objects et cetra.... we'd take turns to do it just for entertainment. just a couple of days ago, he's been trying to get me to sign papers while wearing a blind fold. i refused to do it because he never lets me take a look at what i'm signing neither before or after. he says that he was just trying to see if i could leave the same signature everytime i sign but i couldn't help feel uncomfortable. i told him i don't want to play this game unless and until he shows me the papers first, he said "nevermind then" and stopped bringing it up. last night, he tried to convince me to give it a try and even volunteered to go first, i asked if he was going to show me what i was going to sign and he made a face and said no, it's the rules and i should respect them. i refused and he kept on about how i keep acting worried and suspicious for no reason. he said i clearly don't trust him and he was hurt by finding that out now after everything we been through. we had an argument and i told him to drop it and not bring it up again, period. he was mad despite saying it was no big deal, he was obviously upset with me and kept talking about how i don't trust him and that i was out of line to assume or suspect anything from him like this. i might be paranoid but i couldn't help it. i do think i was ta to him after he stood by my side when my own family didn't even visit.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
eversince i got out of the hospital for chronic problems, my husband has been introducing me to some games every evening. one game used to be about doing things while my eyes are blindfolded. involving puzzles, ruby's cube, shaped objects et cetra.... we'd take turns to do it just for entertainment. just a couple of days ago, he's been trying to get me to sign papers while wearing a blind fold. i refused to do it because he never lets me take a look at what i'm signing neither before or after. he says that he was just trying to see if i could leave the same signature everytime i sign but i couldn't help feel uncomfortable. i told him i don't want to play this game unless and until he shows me the papers first, he said "nevermind then" and stopped bringing it up. last night, he tried to convince me to give it a try and even volunteered to go first, i asked if he was going to show me what i was going to sign and he made a face and said no, it's the rules and i should respect them. i refused and he kept on about how i keep acting worried and suspicious for no reason. he said i clearly don't trust him and he was hurt by finding that out now after everything we been through. we had an argument and i told him to drop it and not bring it up again, period. he was mad despite saying it was no big deal, he was obviously upset with me and kept talking about how i don't trust him and that i was out of line to assume or suspect anything from him like this. i might be paranoid but i couldn't help it. i do think i was ta to him after he stood by my side when my own family didn't even visit. [/INST] nta nta nta this is extremely suspicious 🤨 obviously he wants you to sign on something important… financial documents, loan, will, property, divorce papers???? list could be endless… do not sign on anything blindfolded- i would add do not sign on any blank paper from now on… </s>
|
AITA for telling my grandma she looks like Ronald McDonald because she wouldn’t stop telling me I look like a bull with my nose ring in?
| 25,334 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cre4qy/aita_for_telling_my_grandma_she_looks_like_ronald/
|
2019-08-16 23:15:45
|
nta - don't know why older people think they're immune to being judged when they do it to younger people all the time
|
nta. you might get people saying you're equally shitty, but i disagree. you tried taking the high road, tried asking, nothing worked. it is a form of bullying that she was doing. i'm not sure how much bullying and unsolicited comments about your body that someone can expect you to endure without asserting yourself and firing back.
almost no one is going to continue to be polite when they're repeatedly disrespected. you weren't overtly hostile, you just gave her a taste of her own medicine.
|
nta, being old is not an excuse to be an asshole. if you don't want to have your looks commented on, don't comment on other peoples looks. this is something *every* human should understand by the time they are a teenager.
> “take that thing out of your nose, you’re ruining a pretty face by putting a hoop in it like a bull.”
"please mind your own business, you're ruining a perfectly good relationship by being a jerk."
|
esh. your grandma is *certainly* in the wrong for harping on your piercing. however, insulting her appearance isn't a good look for you either. so while it's perfectly understandable why you'd want to "give her a taste of her own medicine" you shouldn't have sunk to her level, hence my ruling.
story time: my grandmother was like yours, rattling on about my hair, my clothes, my weight. and one day in my late teens, when she chortled one time too many about my fat ass, i said to her "grammy, this is how i look and this is how i am, and if you don't stop talking about my weight, i'm not going to come visit you anymore." and she never teased me again.
if you are polite but firm in saying that you are familiar with her opinion on your facial jewelry and would not like to hear it again, it just might work.
|
nta. why don’t older people remember that they were once judged by their elders?
|
nta — “but she’s your gramma!1!1!1” okay but can we stop giving elderly people a free pass to say and do whatever they want, regardless of how rude? assuming of course that they have no neurological issue & are in reasonably good mental shape.
if anything, it’s also demeaning to old people to just baby their views & treat them like a faultless kid (ex: “oh no! she can’t help it!”).
|
nta. she insulted you many times before & you even gave her a fair warning that you're not gonna take it anymore.
i wish we were in the same family cuz i definitely would've had your back when that shit went down.
|
you're not going to like my answer, but please read it out. this sub is telling you you're not ta because "gam gam was mean too" but that's not right.
i might have said everyone sh, but that's a cop out answer to the question of whether you're an asshole.
her comments are although inconsiderate and hurtful, ultimately aren't mean spirited. this is true and you know it. your comment however was filled with spite and hatred. it sounds like, based on your family's reactions, you genuinely hurt your grandma's feelings in a way that she didn't. so yeah. yta.
|
esh. two wrongs don’t make a right. stay on the high road.
|
esh. if she's an asshole or being rude about your appearance, you're also an asshole for being rude about hers.
&#x200b;
being justified does not mean you didn't behave like an asshole.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
| 0.341285 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta - don't know why older people think they're immune to being judged when they do it to younger people all the time </s>
|
|
AITA for telling my new neighbours that I've been trapped in a basement for a week after she told me not to check my mail box on weekends?
|
i've been away since thursday, house sitting for my mum, and it's currently sunday afternoon where i live. here, mail doesn't deliver on weekends, they only do that monday to friday, which means i had 2 days worth of mail in my mailbox.
my 30 something year old neighbours moved in on friday when i wasn't here, and she was in her front yard when i was collecting my mail. she goes "don't check your mailbox on weekends. they don't deliver on weekends. so don't check it." (in a rude karen voice, if you know then you know.) already, i know we're not going to have a good neighbour relationship, and i'm hungover and can't be bothered dealing with her shit, so i said "i know, it's just i've been kidnapped in the basement for a week so i had to check the mailbox." i don't have a basement, barely anyone does in my country.
she seemed shocked, but it was an obvious joke with my overly sarcastic tone. then we both went inside and that was that. about 25 minutes later, the police knocked on the door thinking i was held captive in my basement which i don't have, so i explained to them what i had said and they just laughed and left.
just before, i was putting rubbish in the bin and she came out and called me a c*nt for making her think i was kidnapped
aita?
| 25,305 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dh6wvr/aita_for_telling_my_new_neighbours_that_ive_been/
|
2019-10-13 06:17:18
|
nta. some people just need to mind their own damned business. who cares when you check your mail?
also, some people just do not understand sarcasm. at least she cared enough to call the cops for you, though. good thing they were cool about it.
|
nta there is nothing you could have done to predict or prevent that level of stupid.
|
nta - it's an obvious joke. she called the police?! karen needs to mind her own business
|
[removed]
|
this neighbor is gonna be fun. right off the bat she's policing your mailbox use. brace yourself for endless complaints about the length of your grass, noise level, &c. &c. &c. it never ends with people like this, so you may want to set aside a notebook to document the coming list of bitchery so that the next time the cops come by you have some context.
|
nah. you’re not an a-hole but her conscience probably wouldn’t let her sleep just in case you weren’t joking. to most it probably seems silly but better safe than sorry i guess.
|
nta - and make a point of checking it every saturday and sunday whenever you see them.
|
nta. did she seriously think you were let out of your basement just to check the mail? this is silly. good luck with your new neighbor!
|
nah ok, her tone of voice rubbed you the wrong way. you were hungover and not in the mood to have obvious things explained to you; maybe she might have been less annoying if your head had been clearer. in other circumstances, her shocked expression might also have clued you in that she didn’t get the joke. whoops! she did what would have been the socially responsible thing to do and now she’s embarrassed. swearing at you for it was unnecessary.
i think there was a bit of sarcasm and hostility which adds up to snark all round one way and another, but you *did* decide you weren’t going to get on and you treated her sarcastically off the bat, without making sure she realised it was a joke. i wouldn’t necessarily have liked being told how to manage my mailbox, but there’s a bit of arseholishness in how you behaved. not enough to label, though.
enjoy your unfortunate and mildly simmering feud, i guess? (joking. i would have said take over some brownies or something and try to clear the air, but she doesn’t deserve them for using the c-word at you.)
|
esh. your neighbors are idiots. avoid them. still, you shouldn't joke about that stuff especially with people who don't know you. people do get held captive, and it's not necessarily unreasonable for someone to contact the authorities if they think there's a chance you're in trouble.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
ESH
| 0.048445 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've been away since thursday, house sitting for my mum, and it's currently sunday afternoon where i live. here, mail doesn't deliver on weekends, they only do that monday to friday, which means i had 2 days worth of mail in my mailbox. my 30 something year old neighbours moved in on friday when i wasn't here, and she was in her front yard when i was collecting my mail. she goes "don't check your mailbox on weekends. they don't deliver on weekends. so don't check it." (in a rude karen voice, if you know then you know.) already, i know we're not going to have a good neighbour relationship, and i'm hungover and can't be bothered dealing with her shit, so i said "i know, it's just i've been kidnapped in the basement for a week so i had to check the mailbox." i don't have a basement, barely anyone does in my country. she seemed shocked, but it was an obvious joke with my overly sarcastic tone. then we both went inside and that was that. about 25 minutes later, the police knocked on the door thinking i was held captive in my basement which i don't have, so i explained to them what i had said and they just laughed and left. just before, i was putting rubbish in the bin and she came out and called me a c*nt for making her think i was kidnapped aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i've been away since thursday, house sitting for my mum, and it's currently sunday afternoon where i live. here, mail doesn't deliver on weekends, they only do that monday to friday, which means i had 2 days worth of mail in my mailbox. my 30 something year old neighbours moved in on friday when i wasn't here, and she was in her front yard when i was collecting my mail. she goes "don't check your mailbox on weekends. they don't deliver on weekends. so don't check it." (in a rude karen voice, if you know then you know.) already, i know we're not going to have a good neighbour relationship, and i'm hungover and can't be bothered dealing with her shit, so i said "i know, it's just i've been kidnapped in the basement for a week so i had to check the mailbox." i don't have a basement, barely anyone does in my country. she seemed shocked, but it was an obvious joke with my overly sarcastic tone. then we both went inside and that was that. about 25 minutes later, the police knocked on the door thinking i was held captive in my basement which i don't have, so i explained to them what i had said and they just laughed and left. just before, i was putting rubbish in the bin and she came out and called me a c*nt for making her think i was kidnapped aita? [/INST] nta. some people just need to mind their own damned business. who cares when you check your mail? also, some people just do not understand sarcasm. at least she cared enough to call the cops for you, though. good thing they were cool about it. </s>
|
AITA for breaking my promise to my stepkids, and "abandoning and traumatizing" them because I did not want to parent them anymore?
|
i met "will" when i was 22. will was 29, with 2 kids, and had newly been widowed. we had whirlwind courtship where he introduced me to the kids and got me involved in their lives very early (first few days after i met him.) will said really quickly he was sure i was "the one," not only for himself but also for his kids. that we'd have an incredible, happy family life. we got married when i was 23, will was 30, and his kids were 8 and 6. our wedding ceremony also included me and the kids making promises to each other, which was will's idea.
soon will shoved all the childcare onto me. i wasn't a stay at home spouse, i worked full time and always have. but he always had "reasons" for me to do the childcare - him being sore from doing a physical job, me being "better" at it since i babysat kids this age in the past and he never had. or "girl stuff" for his daughter. or cooking or anything. he always had some reason and it ended up always on me.
he started playing video games and "relaxing" from getting home until bed, because he was "tired" and he was "bringing in the money and keeping the roof over everyone's heads," though that wasn't really true. he said he deserved to relax. then he went out with his friends or brought them back to drink beer and watch loud tv.
he developed a major attitude with me, and encouraged same in the kids. they found it funny. he started openly disrespecting me and encouraged them to also. he was the ultimate "fun dad" and i got put in the role of the mean witch. sometimes they all ganged up on me and mocked me. but also all expected me to serve them and constantly be jumping up to care for them.
by the end of the first year i realized the marriage was a big mistake, but felt guilty leaving because of my promises to the kids. another year went by and i realized that no matter how i tried, and how i knew they were only kids and i didn't really blame them, i genuinely hated both of the kids. and i could not lie to myself any more and pretend that i loved them. i did not, and i never would. one day i just walked out, packed up everything of mine and moved out while nobody was at home. i left a note explaining it wasn't working and saying goodbye. that was the end.
cue shitstorm from my ex and a bitter divorce, but we both walked away with what we went into the marriage with (not much for either of us). i had never legally adopted the kids so i had no rights or responsibilies about them and i never reached out to any of them again. honestly i was overjoyed to be rid of all of them.
15 years have gone by and that seems like a lifetime ago, or another person's life, but i'm still in my 30's. i was recently shocked to get a message from tamara, will's daughter, now 25. tamara said i betrayed and traumatized her for life for "abandoning them" after my promises to them. she said i had a "responsibility to never leave no matter what." i know she remembers the horrible way she treated me though.
| 25,301 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p69l4d/aita_for_breaking_my_promise_to_my_stepkids_and/
|
2021-08-17 18:40:37
|
nta. there is never a responsibility to never leave, that is ridiculous. sure, a 10-year-old may reasonably think so, but a 25-year-old should know better.
|
nta. your husband didn’t want a wife - he chose a younger woman and whisked her off her feet to be his live in maid, nanny and cook. he knew what he was doing when he asked you to make that promise to the kids, emotionally manipulating you into staying even though he treated you like crap.
it’s sad that the children lost their mother, but their father encouraging them to treat you like the evil stepmom was cruel to both you and them.
clearly the behaviour he showed continued after left, and he kept telling tamara and her brother how awful you were.
you got yourself out of there: well done for being strong and wise enough to do so. many people don’t have the strength to do that.
|
message her back and explain it was a toxic marriage, that their dad set you up to be the family punching bag and nanny. that he wasn’t looking for love or a partner but a door mat and he encouraged you kids to do the same. tell her their hangups are their own and then say that you are done with that chapter of your life and will never again allow their father to drag your life down. nta those kids have been fed lies and delusions about what that marriage was like
|
nta -
- good for you for leaving.
- good for you for not attempting to talk to him in advance
- good for you for not getting sucked in by more lies
- good for you for not letting yourself get strung along any longer
sorry the kids didn’t have anyone other than this dude, but blaming that on you is going way too far and i hope you just ignore that message and any others she sends.
|
this girl has spent well over a decade being told how you abandoned them and that all their problems are her fault...not their fathers. everything was your fault. all the bad women their father brought home after you is your fault cus you left. i guarantee their father has been driving this home for years and years.
so you can't really blame her for feeling the way she feels
she's been brainwashed her entire life.
and no amount of logic or maturity is going to convince her otherwise
best to just ignore her and let her go on believing what she believes because nothing is ever going to change her mind one way or the other
nta
|
nta and i would recommend you messaging her back and reminding her of herself and her family treatment of you.
|
nta i’ve seen this before, a lot of men aren’t looking for love but someone to cook, clean and watch the kids while they play cod and drink beer.
it’s not fair to the kids, but it’s not your responsibility to be a live in sex maid / babysitter either.
|
nta sounds like your ex has a major gaslighting problem.
|
nta
the dad blamed his shitty parenting on his job and had you do everything. with you leaving, it just further showed how incompetent will was. but instead of ever taking responsibility, will blamed it on you and now tamara blamed you too. it was never your fault, will tool advantage of you and is gaslighting his own children.
i'm glad you left, block tamara and keep doing what you got to do with your life
|
it was a bad situation all around. he was too rushed in marrying after his wife died (obviously wanted a mom formhismkids and a maid for himself). you were too young and inexperienced to realize what the rush was all about because it felt like true love to a young lady.
tamara was traumatized. she was a young child who,lost her mom and then her step mom just walked out. she could not have understood what was going on and why you had to leave it was just abandonment.
now, in our world of self care amd mental health discussions, tamara is dealing with her issues and the childhood experiences that shaped her. she needs to do this. she has said her peace. move on now. no judgement as for who is or is not an a,,,h,,,because this is too complicated to be reduced to that.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i met "will" when i was 22. will was 29, with 2 kids, and had newly been widowed. we had whirlwind courtship where he introduced me to the kids and got me involved in their lives very early (first few days after i met him.) will said really quickly he was sure i was "the one," not only for himself but also for his kids. that we'd have an incredible, happy family life. we got married when i was 23, will was 30, and his kids were 8 and 6. our wedding ceremony also included me and the kids making promises to each other, which was will's idea. soon will shoved all the childcare onto me. i wasn't a stay at home spouse, i worked full time and always have. but he always had "reasons" for me to do the childcare - him being sore from doing a physical job, me being "better" at it since i babysat kids this age in the past and he never had. or "girl stuff" for his daughter. or cooking or anything. he always had some reason and it ended up always on me. he started playing video games and "relaxing" from getting home until bed, because he was "tired" and he was "bringing in the money and keeping the roof over everyone's heads," though that wasn't really true. he said he deserved to relax. then he went out with his friends or brought them back to drink beer and watch loud tv. he developed a major attitude with me, and encouraged same in the kids. they found it funny. he started openly disrespecting me and encouraged them to also. he was the ultimate "fun dad" and i got put in the role of the mean witch. sometimes they all ganged up on me and mocked me. but also all expected me to serve them and constantly be jumping up to care for them. by the end of the first year i realized the marriage was a big mistake, but felt guilty leaving because of my promises to the kids. another year went by and i realized that no matter how i tried, and how i knew they were only kids and i didn't really blame them, i genuinely hated both of the kids. and i could not lie to myself any more and pretend that i loved them. i did not, and i never would. one day i just walked out, packed up everything of mine and moved out while nobody was at home. i left a note explaining it wasn't working and saying goodbye. that was the end. cue shitstorm from my ex and a bitter divorce, but we both walked away with what we went into the marriage with (not much for either of us). i had never legally adopted the kids so i had no rights or responsibilies about them and i never reached out to any of them again. honestly i was overjoyed to be rid of all of them. 15 years have gone by and that seems like a lifetime ago, or another person's life, but i'm still in my 30's. i was recently shocked to get a message from tamara, will's daughter, now 25. tamara said i betrayed and traumatized her for life for "abandoning them" after my promises to them. she said i had a "responsibility to never leave no matter what." i know she remembers the horrible way she treated me though.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i met "will" when i was 22. will was 29, with 2 kids, and had newly been widowed. we had whirlwind courtship where he introduced me to the kids and got me involved in their lives very early (first few days after i met him.) will said really quickly he was sure i was "the one," not only for himself but also for his kids. that we'd have an incredible, happy family life. we got married when i was 23, will was 30, and his kids were 8 and 6. our wedding ceremony also included me and the kids making promises to each other, which was will's idea. soon will shoved all the childcare onto me. i wasn't a stay at home spouse, i worked full time and always have. but he always had "reasons" for me to do the childcare - him being sore from doing a physical job, me being "better" at it since i babysat kids this age in the past and he never had. or "girl stuff" for his daughter. or cooking or anything. he always had some reason and it ended up always on me. he started playing video games and "relaxing" from getting home until bed, because he was "tired" and he was "bringing in the money and keeping the roof over everyone's heads," though that wasn't really true. he said he deserved to relax. then he went out with his friends or brought them back to drink beer and watch loud tv. he developed a major attitude with me, and encouraged same in the kids. they found it funny. he started openly disrespecting me and encouraged them to also. he was the ultimate "fun dad" and i got put in the role of the mean witch. sometimes they all ganged up on me and mocked me. but also all expected me to serve them and constantly be jumping up to care for them. by the end of the first year i realized the marriage was a big mistake, but felt guilty leaving because of my promises to the kids. another year went by and i realized that no matter how i tried, and how i knew they were only kids and i didn't really blame them, i genuinely hated both of the kids. and i could not lie to myself any more and pretend that i loved them. i did not, and i never would. one day i just walked out, packed up everything of mine and moved out while nobody was at home. i left a note explaining it wasn't working and saying goodbye. that was the end. cue shitstorm from my ex and a bitter divorce, but we both walked away with what we went into the marriage with (not much for either of us). i had never legally adopted the kids so i had no rights or responsibilies about them and i never reached out to any of them again. honestly i was overjoyed to be rid of all of them. 15 years have gone by and that seems like a lifetime ago, or another person's life, but i'm still in my 30's. i was recently shocked to get a message from tamara, will's daughter, now 25. tamara said i betrayed and traumatized her for life for "abandoning them" after my promises to them. she said i had a "responsibility to never leave no matter what." i know she remembers the horrible way she treated me though. [/INST] nta. there is never a responsibility to never leave, that is ridiculous. sure, a 10-year-old may reasonably think so, but a 25-year-old should know better. </s>
|
AITA for calling a woman an idiot when she refused listen to why my daughter isn't vaccinated?
|
my (20f) 2yo daughter has had a heart transplant due to chd and is severely immune compromised, as a result she cannot recieve live virus vaccines.
i'm in a young mom's group on facebook and the topic of daycares and being a sahm came up. i said my boyfriend is the breadwinner and i stay at home with our daughter because i can't risk sending her to a daycare as she's not vaccinated.
one woman, who is the same age as me with a newborn, started off, she's a new member, all the other women already know of my daughters medical history. she started calling me names and said i don't belong here if i'm so anti-vax. i told her my daughter is a transplant patient and can't be vaccinated. she just told me stop making excuses.
i said, "you're an absolute idiot, if you even looked at my profile for a second you'd know that i'm an advocate for vaccines and if you did a bit of research you'd know that giving someone who is severely compromised a live virus vaccine is a bad idea."
she was clearly very upset, she posted a rant about me onto the group and a few of the members said i was an asshole for calling her an idiot.aita?
| 25,294 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lj2pxa/aita_for_calling_a_woman_an_idiot_when_she/
|
2021-02-13 15:38:19
|
nta.
it’s clear to anyone who knows anything about vacccines and how they work. the whole goal of vaccines is to develop herd immunity so that people like your daughter who can’t get vaccines are safer. it’s not just for the general population, but also for people like your daughter. she was completely out of control from the very beginning.
|
absolutely nta. i advocate vaccination myself, but there are valid reasons (supported by modern, mainstream medical science) why *specific* people in/with *specific* situations may not be able to take x vaccine(s).
|
nta i am extremely pro-vaccine, but i haven't been vaccinated myself due to serious medical conditions. this is literally what herd immunity is for - to protect people like me and your daughter.
thankfully, my kids are all vaccinated and don't have the same conditions i do.
|
[removed]
|
[removed]
|
nta. one of my friends has a daughter who, while she can get live vaccines, does not retain the titters (i’m not sure that’s the correct medical language). anyway, end result is that a few months after she receives a vaccine, it’s like she never got it at all. so, not the same situation, but she also has to deal with people who don’t understand why her kid isn’t vaccinated (she is, she just might as well not be).
anyway. it’s not your fault that she showed her ass and couldn’t step back and say, “oh, i’m sorry, i’m unaware of the situation and don’t understand the medicine behind this.” she doubled down. you defended yourself and your kid. frankly, not sure what else you were supposed to do
|
nta - humans have two ears and one mouth. she should learn to prioritise them as such.
|
nta.
if anything your daughter’s status would make you want people to be vaccinated as that is the only way to protect her since she cannot be vaccinated. the woman is an idiot. stating something factual does not make you an asshole.
|
nta. you did your homework and she came at you trying to make it personal. good show calling her on it and knocking her off her high horse.
|
nta if she knew anything about being pro or anti-vaccines she would know that people like your daughter are why mass vaccinations are so important (as you already said you had posted on your page). she sounds not only rude but uneducated and jumping in a train of thought she doesn’t understand and doesn’t sound like she willing to learn about. as for the other members in your group perhaps a “refresher post” about situations like yours and the importance of getting vaccinated could be good?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (20f) 2yo daughter has had a heart transplant due to chd and is severely immune compromised, as a result she cannot recieve live virus vaccines. i'm in a young mom's group on facebook and the topic of daycares and being a sahm came up. i said my boyfriend is the breadwinner and i stay at home with our daughter because i can't risk sending her to a daycare as she's not vaccinated. one woman, who is the same age as me with a newborn, started off, she's a new member, all the other women already know of my daughters medical history. she started calling me names and said i don't belong here if i'm so anti-vax. i told her my daughter is a transplant patient and can't be vaccinated. she just told me stop making excuses. i said, "you're an absolute idiot, if you even looked at my profile for a second you'd know that i'm an advocate for vaccines and if you did a bit of research you'd know that giving someone who is severely compromised a live virus vaccine is a bad idea." she was clearly very upset, she posted a rant about me onto the group and a few of the members said i was an asshole for calling her an idiot.aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (20f) 2yo daughter has had a heart transplant due to chd and is severely immune compromised, as a result she cannot recieve live virus vaccines. i'm in a young mom's group on facebook and the topic of daycares and being a sahm came up. i said my boyfriend is the breadwinner and i stay at home with our daughter because i can't risk sending her to a daycare as she's not vaccinated. one woman, who is the same age as me with a newborn, started off, she's a new member, all the other women already know of my daughters medical history. she started calling me names and said i don't belong here if i'm so anti-vax. i told her my daughter is a transplant patient and can't be vaccinated. she just told me stop making excuses. i said, "you're an absolute idiot, if you even looked at my profile for a second you'd know that i'm an advocate for vaccines and if you did a bit of research you'd know that giving someone who is severely compromised a live virus vaccine is a bad idea." she was clearly very upset, she posted a rant about me onto the group and a few of the members said i was an asshole for calling her an idiot.aita? [/INST] nta. it’s clear to anyone who knows anything about vacccines and how they work. the whole goal of vaccines is to develop herd immunity so that people like your daughter who can’t get vaccines are safer. it’s not just for the general population, but also for people like your daughter. she was completely out of control from the very beginning. </s>
|
AITA for not letting my parents into my son's life after they secretly tested his DNA?
|
i met my wife sonya at a restaurant where she worked as a waitress. it took me a while to finally be her boyfriend. i introduced her to my parents and they voiced out their disapproval after meeting her. my parents think that sonya is only using me to achieve her american dream. i told them that is racist and i am very offended by their assumption.
after my wife accepted my marriage proposal, we asked for both our family's blessing. her parents were happy for us but my parents were gutted and refused to give their blessing. because of this we decided to elope and only invited my brother and sonya's bestfriends to be our witnesses.
long story short, now that we're 2 years married and after we welcomed our first child, my parents started to reach out to us. my kindhearted wife didn't think twice to welcome my parents into our lives. she let them meet our baby 2 days after being discharged from the hospital.
my parents visit us regularly and one day while dad and mom are playing with garreth mom said something along the lines of "aren't you the cutest baby ever? i am so glad to confirm you are indeed my grandson". she didn't know i was around because she looked startled when i said "what does that supposed to mean?" mom tried to change the subject but i insisted she tell me what she's talking about. mom sat me down and apologized first before telling me that they had garreth's dna tested to make sure that he's mine. i was speechless for a moment and before i blew up from anger i told dad to give me my son and they better leave before i lose whatever respect i had left for them. my mom was very apologetic and said it's because they don't trust my wife and that our son looks nothing like me. i didn't argue anymore and told them to get out of my house. my wife was in the kitchen preparing for lunch and told her my parents had an emergency that's why they left without saying a word. i didn't tell my wife about the whole dna test thing until after two weeks when she asked why mom and dad didn't visit anymore. i told her everything as i know i cannot keep a secret from her. she started crying and it broke my heart. i know how much she tried to win my parents' approval and what i told her was like a slap across her face.
that night she told me that she can no longer let my parents in to our child's life and i agreed with her. when mom called to ask when they can visit again, i told them they are no longer welcome in our son's life. mom called my dad and i told him the same thing. he was livid, he called me ungrateful and cruel. he also said a few choice words about my wife which angered me more. i didn't even hear the rest because i just hung up. did i overreact? aita?
| 25,242 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ppbcfs/aita_for_not_letting_my_parents_into_my_sons_life/
|
2021-09-16 11:20:05
|
nta and to all of you saying that you should not deprive your child of a relationship with his grandparents:
they are openly racist towards his wife/ the mother of this child. they will make remarks about that, they will make him feel bad about his heritage and will talk badly about his mother even when he is there. dont let them into your life, stay your ground
&#x200b;
|
nta! your parents are racist and your son is better off without them.
|
nta.
your parents never blessed you marriage, they made their distain and racism for your wife well known, and they only wanted back in your life when they had a grandson to dote over.
\~edit\~
damn, my highest voted comment, thank you everyone.
|
nta your primary responsibility is to protect your child and wife. allowing your racist family anywhere near them would be the opposite.
|
nta. your job here is to back up your wife. they are assholes. you're doing fine.
|
nta what is actually wrong with your parents?? like i get they don't approve of your wife because clearly they are racists. but to check your child's dna because he "doesn't look like you" is ridiculous. you dodged a massive disapproving bullet by cutting them out. protect your wife and son they are your family not your parents.
|
nta.
as someone who has a meddling, invasive mil who has boundary issues, i’d have cut that shit out, too. i wish my husband had your gumption.
high five, dude.
|
nta. at first i thought you were holding a chip on your shoulder in the face of your wife being a lovely person. yet seeing her solidarity in the face of your parents behavior, she’s apparently all-in on this one. she’s a keeper for life. long after your parents are gone, you’ll have her, your child(ren), and grandchildren.
if your parents want to share that love, the responsibility to build back bridges is theirs. i wonder how their relations were with your wife’s family before this.
|
nta
in addition to being racist they also had a medical procedure done on your kid without your permission. that’s a huge no no
|
nta
your family unit is your wife and child. everyone else is extended family. your parents manipulated your wife claiming good intentions by wanting to be in the child’s life and used that trust to conduct a dna test!
boundaries are clearly not a concern for them.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i met my wife sonya at a restaurant where she worked as a waitress. it took me a while to finally be her boyfriend. i introduced her to my parents and they voiced out their disapproval after meeting her. my parents think that sonya is only using me to achieve her american dream. i told them that is racist and i am very offended by their assumption. after my wife accepted my marriage proposal, we asked for both our family's blessing. her parents were happy for us but my parents were gutted and refused to give their blessing. because of this we decided to elope and only invited my brother and sonya's bestfriends to be our witnesses. long story short, now that we're 2 years married and after we welcomed our first child, my parents started to reach out to us. my kindhearted wife didn't think twice to welcome my parents into our lives. she let them meet our baby 2 days after being discharged from the hospital. my parents visit us regularly and one day while dad and mom are playing with garreth mom said something along the lines of "aren't you the cutest baby ever? i am so glad to confirm you are indeed my grandson". she didn't know i was around because she looked startled when i said "what does that supposed to mean?" mom tried to change the subject but i insisted she tell me what she's talking about. mom sat me down and apologized first before telling me that they had garreth's dna tested to make sure that he's mine. i was speechless for a moment and before i blew up from anger i told dad to give me my son and they better leave before i lose whatever respect i had left for them. my mom was very apologetic and said it's because they don't trust my wife and that our son looks nothing like me. i didn't argue anymore and told them to get out of my house. my wife was in the kitchen preparing for lunch and told her my parents had an emergency that's why they left without saying a word. i didn't tell my wife about the whole dna test thing until after two weeks when she asked why mom and dad didn't visit anymore. i told her everything as i know i cannot keep a secret from her. she started crying and it broke my heart. i know how much she tried to win my parents' approval and what i told her was like a slap across her face. that night she told me that she can no longer let my parents in to our child's life and i agreed with her. when mom called to ask when they can visit again, i told them they are no longer welcome in our son's life. mom called my dad and i told him the same thing. he was livid, he called me ungrateful and cruel. he also said a few choice words about my wife which angered me more. i didn't even hear the rest because i just hung up. did i overreact? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i met my wife sonya at a restaurant where she worked as a waitress. it took me a while to finally be her boyfriend. i introduced her to my parents and they voiced out their disapproval after meeting her. my parents think that sonya is only using me to achieve her american dream. i told them that is racist and i am very offended by their assumption. after my wife accepted my marriage proposal, we asked for both our family's blessing. her parents were happy for us but my parents were gutted and refused to give their blessing. because of this we decided to elope and only invited my brother and sonya's bestfriends to be our witnesses. long story short, now that we're 2 years married and after we welcomed our first child, my parents started to reach out to us. my kindhearted wife didn't think twice to welcome my parents into our lives. she let them meet our baby 2 days after being discharged from the hospital. my parents visit us regularly and one day while dad and mom are playing with garreth mom said something along the lines of "aren't you the cutest baby ever? i am so glad to confirm you are indeed my grandson". she didn't know i was around because she looked startled when i said "what does that supposed to mean?" mom tried to change the subject but i insisted she tell me what she's talking about. mom sat me down and apologized first before telling me that they had garreth's dna tested to make sure that he's mine. i was speechless for a moment and before i blew up from anger i told dad to give me my son and they better leave before i lose whatever respect i had left for them. my mom was very apologetic and said it's because they don't trust my wife and that our son looks nothing like me. i didn't argue anymore and told them to get out of my house. my wife was in the kitchen preparing for lunch and told her my parents had an emergency that's why they left without saying a word. i didn't tell my wife about the whole dna test thing until after two weeks when she asked why mom and dad didn't visit anymore. i told her everything as i know i cannot keep a secret from her. she started crying and it broke my heart. i know how much she tried to win my parents' approval and what i told her was like a slap across her face. that night she told me that she can no longer let my parents in to our child's life and i agreed with her. when mom called to ask when they can visit again, i told them they are no longer welcome in our son's life. mom called my dad and i told him the same thing. he was livid, he called me ungrateful and cruel. he also said a few choice words about my wife which angered me more. i didn't even hear the rest because i just hung up. did i overreact? aita? [/INST] nta and to all of you saying that you should not deprive your child of a relationship with his grandparents: they are openly racist towards his wife/ the mother of this child. they will make remarks about that, they will make him feel bad about his heritage and will talk badly about his mother even when he is there. dont let them into your life, stay your ground &#x200b; </s>
|
AITA for pushing off a girl my lap and making her cry?
|
i \[19m\] just started dating a girl i really, really like a couple months ago. i was hanging out with my friend (i'll call joe\] who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl "sarah" \[18f\]. anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so i suggested she sit on joe's lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me. i felt really uncomfortable because she's just sitting her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend, who she knows i have.
anyway, when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had put a jacket. i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said i was a jerk.
she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said, "what are you talking about 'us?'" and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us. i said nope, i'm like this with all my friends, and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend. i said "nope, i'm like that with everyone" and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her. she called me an asshole and i haven't seen her since. her best friend texted me and said i was being an asshole. i told my girlfriend \[19f\] against my friends wishes (who are also her friends, not sarah, but joe is) and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices. basically, she didn't really care, just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend.
so, aita? i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me. it kind of dawned on me that night. i never pursued her. i slept over her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me, and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her. apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure. i don't understand girls. i really don't.
&#x200b;
| 25,202 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1z11d/aita_for_pushing_off_a_girl_my_lap_and_making_her/
|
2020-08-01 20:21:44
|
nta. i think this girl doesn’t know how to handle rejection.
|
nta - i loved the last paragraph.
|
nta. you're a loyal boyfriend.
|
nta. i have no idea why she thought you liked her, seems like you were pretty clear.
|
nta, you didn’t want her to sit on your lap, and she did anyway, and she started getting upset when you wouldn’t let her sit on you lap anymore knowing full well that you’re dating someone. i think it’s pretty clear cut.
info, just to make sure, did you physically push her off of you? i don’t remember seeing that in the post. or by push did you mean just tell her you can’t sit on me.
|
>she thought there was something between us
yeah, your jacket
(thanks for the award!)
|
nta. she showed her hand when she chose your lap over joe’s (knowing you have a gf), and melted down when things didn’t go her way. i hope joe was taking notes because this girl isn’t ready for an adult relationship with anyone.
|
nta. as long as you have a steady girlfriend to interpret other girls' intentions, you will do fine.
|
nta.
i'm a woman, so trust me on this, women are totally confusing and read way too much into every little thing. especially if it's about a guy. it doesn't get much better with age.
btw, if there aren't enough spots in the car, you guys need a second car. it's not safe to ride in someone's lap and it's an expensive ticket if you get caught. (ugh. saying that makes me feel old).
|
you understand "girls" just fine, because they are just humans like you. i get that it's just a figure of speech, but don't let it turn into othering women, please.
nta, sarah is a jerk.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i \[19m\] just started dating a girl i really, really like a couple months ago. i was hanging out with my friend (i'll call joe\] who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl "sarah" \[18f\]. anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so i suggested she sit on joe's lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me. i felt really uncomfortable because she's just sitting her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend, who she knows i have. anyway, when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had put a jacket. i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said i was a jerk. she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said, "what are you talking about 'us?'" and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us. i said nope, i'm like this with all my friends, and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend. i said "nope, i'm like that with everyone" and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her. she called me an asshole and i haven't seen her since. her best friend texted me and said i was being an asshole. i told my girlfriend \[19f\] against my friends wishes (who are also her friends, not sarah, but joe is) and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices. basically, she didn't really care, just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend. so, aita? i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me. it kind of dawned on me that night. i never pursued her. i slept over her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me, and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her. apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure. i don't understand girls. i really don't. &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i \[19m\] just started dating a girl i really, really like a couple months ago. i was hanging out with my friend (i'll call joe\] who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl "sarah" \[18f\]. anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so i suggested she sit on joe's lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me. i felt really uncomfortable because she's just sitting her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend, who she knows i have. anyway, when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had put a jacket. i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said i was a jerk. she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said, "what are you talking about 'us?'" and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us. i said nope, i'm like this with all my friends, and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend. i said "nope, i'm like that with everyone" and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her. she called me an asshole and i haven't seen her since. her best friend texted me and said i was being an asshole. i told my girlfriend \[19f\] against my friends wishes (who are also her friends, not sarah, but joe is) and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices. basically, she didn't really care, just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend. so, aita? i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me. it kind of dawned on me that night. i never pursued her. i slept over her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me, and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her. apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure. i don't understand girls. i really don't. &#x200b; [/INST] nta. i think this girl doesn’t know how to handle rejection. </s>
|
AITA for calling my parents assholes for what they did to my birthday
|
i (21f) was one of those kids who was born on christmas day. which i wouldn’t have minded at all if my parents treated this normally for example my friends boyfriend was also born on christmas and he said his parents would do his birthday in the morning and christmas in the afternoon and i wouldn’t have minded that at all. however my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree)
this was pretty shit, either i had christmas with everyone and wasn’t even wished happy birthday and because we wouldn’t be at school i never got happy birthdays from my friends or i was completely left out during christmas and had a birthday where everyone was still focused on christmas. and if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family. it made my childhood absolute hell and ruined holidays for me. my first christmas/ birthday away from home was probably the best day of my life.
well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood.
it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise. and it’s christmas so i feel like i should.
| 25,195 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kjoql2/aita_for_calling_my_parents_assholes_for_what/
|
2020-12-24 23:08:49
|
nta. what were they thinking? what are they thinking? why would anyone do that to their kid?
|
nta. your family sucks, they really suck. why talk to them still?
|
nta
> my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or **have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree)**
the shit is this? i thought they were going to say have christmas on christmas day and have your birthday on boxing day, not make it one or the other.
> if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family.
the rules of this sub prevent me from calling your parents what they really are. i have to settle for twisted assholes but they are so much more. and the fact that your extended family apparently can't see that either is beyond messed up.
> well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood.
good for you! you blew up because you've put up with their shit for far too long.
> it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise.
did your brothers get a birthday and a christmas? if yes, tell them to shut their hypocritical asshole mouths. and your auntie has participated in this shit show your whole life, she gets no opinion.
> and it’s christmas so i feel like i should.
not if you choose it's your birthday, apparently.
you said what needs to be said. stick to your guns. oh, also, happy birthday and merry christmas!
|
nta your parents are assholes.
happy birthday
|
nta.
who the hell does that? almost cartoonishly evil.
do they twirl their moustache and/or pet a big white cat? do they spend a lot of time in the completely remodeled basement filled with technology and laser sharks where you are not allowed?
oh, in my time zone it just became christmas:
happy birthday and merry christmas!!!
|
nta
they want you to apologize. then apologize. but do it like this.
i'm sorry i was born on christmas. i guess i should have picked a different day to come out. even though my choices were limited when you fucked in late march.
|
holy shit nta. happy birthday and merry fucking christmas because you deserve both!!.
|
nta
mums birthday is christmas day, she's like the queen and has 2 birthdays, gets gifts and happy birthday along with christmas on 25th dec and then a day in the year of her choosing where she gets a "yes day" she wants it she gets it. she's 70 this year.
grandad made it known she gets 2 gifts 1 birthday and 1 christmas. they soon realised he was serious when he stopped buying the cousins gifts for 12 months.
they wanna play this game? play the rules. you don't get birthdays they don't either
|
nta. as the mother of a christmas eve child, your family sucks, your mother in particular. please don’t ever celebrate her birthday again, because after all she chose to celebrate christmas.
|
what the hell??? nta at all! it’s not your fault you were born on that day and like you said, it wasn’t even a “i want more presents issue” it’s not hard at all to acknowledge both holidays. even if they did your birthday on the 26th why wouldn’t they also let you do christmas? everyone else gets both just bc their parents screwed the right time of year to avoid christmas. you shouldn’t be punished for when your parents decided to hook up.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (21f) was one of those kids who was born on christmas day. which i wouldn’t have minded at all if my parents treated this normally for example my friends boyfriend was also born on christmas and he said his parents would do his birthday in the morning and christmas in the afternoon and i wouldn’t have minded that at all. however my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree) this was pretty shit, either i had christmas with everyone and wasn’t even wished happy birthday and because we wouldn’t be at school i never got happy birthdays from my friends or i was completely left out during christmas and had a birthday where everyone was still focused on christmas. and if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family. it made my childhood absolute hell and ruined holidays for me. my first christmas/ birthday away from home was probably the best day of my life. well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood. it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise. and it’s christmas so i feel like i should.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) was one of those kids who was born on christmas day. which i wouldn’t have minded at all if my parents treated this normally for example my friends boyfriend was also born on christmas and he said his parents would do his birthday in the morning and christmas in the afternoon and i wouldn’t have minded that at all. however my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree) this was pretty shit, either i had christmas with everyone and wasn’t even wished happy birthday and because we wouldn’t be at school i never got happy birthdays from my friends or i was completely left out during christmas and had a birthday where everyone was still focused on christmas. and if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family. it made my childhood absolute hell and ruined holidays for me. my first christmas/ birthday away from home was probably the best day of my life. well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood. it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise. and it’s christmas so i feel like i should. [/INST] nta. what were they thinking? what are they thinking? why would anyone do that to their kid? </s>
|
AITA for being mad that my birthday gift was sex?
|
on my gf's birthday i gave her a necklace that i spent $400 on. i wasn't expecting her to spend the same as me, but i was expecting something.
here's how it went down. after dinner she asked me if i was ready for my gift, i said yes and she started giving me oral. she doesn't like giving oral and i'm ok with it. she was giving bad oral and honestly i just wanted her to stop, then she gets up and pulls me into my room and we have sex.
i feel disappointed. i don't think sex is a gift. i didn't expect a gift that was equal to what i spent, but i wanted a least something.
| 25,143 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/anhw1b/aita_for_being_mad_that_my_birthday_gift_was_sex/
|
2019-02-05 19:46:32
|
nta. sounds like she couldnt be bothered to think about you and went with the laziest possible option.
bad head is worse than no head.
|
nta lazy on her part. my s/o assumed dudes are always wanting sex 24/7 and gifted me with some last year as well, but i declined because snuggling and watching flash sounded like a much more relaxing gift. when her birthday comes around next year gift her a hug.
|
nta. sex is more of a common expectation in a relationship (see: most non-abstaining relationships), not a gift.
|
nta - sex shouldn’t be a compulsory act.
it sounds like she put very little thought into your gift and while you shouldn’t expect a gift of equivalent value (because that negates the purpose of a gift) the same amount of thought is reasonable to expect.
it sounds like she’s bought into some really old tv trope where “special sex” is all men want.
|
nta - though her heart was in the right place, i agree that sex isn't a gift. and furthermore, bad oral is worse than no oral.
&#x200b;
|
nta your girlfriend is either cheap or lazy. but let this be a lesson to you and don't drop $400 on a birthday present for someone who pulls crap like this.
|
nah, hear me out. you probably have different love languages. gifts are important to you, while acts of service/physical touch are more important to her. this is a communication issue, so i recommend talking about it.
|
nta. that’s not remotely fair. if she’s broke, that’s one thing, but assuming that sex is an adequate gift in a relationship (unless otherwise mutually agreed) is beyond the scope of fairness
|
nta. valentine’s day you should paint your dick like a single red rose and your balls like chocolate.
|
nta. i feel sex is only a gift after a wonderful day/night out celebrating your birthday. it kinda feels lazy that she only had sex as a gift.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: on my gf's birthday i gave her a necklace that i spent $400 on. i wasn't expecting her to spend the same as me, but i was expecting something. here's how it went down. after dinner she asked me if i was ready for my gift, i said yes and she started giving me oral. she doesn't like giving oral and i'm ok with it. she was giving bad oral and honestly i just wanted her to stop, then she gets up and pulls me into my room and we have sex. i feel disappointed. i don't think sex is a gift. i didn't expect a gift that was equal to what i spent, but i wanted a least something.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
on my gf's birthday i gave her a necklace that i spent $400 on. i wasn't expecting her to spend the same as me, but i was expecting something. here's how it went down. after dinner she asked me if i was ready for my gift, i said yes and she started giving me oral. she doesn't like giving oral and i'm ok with it. she was giving bad oral and honestly i just wanted her to stop, then she gets up and pulls me into my room and we have sex. i feel disappointed. i don't think sex is a gift. i didn't expect a gift that was equal to what i spent, but i wanted a least something. [/INST] nta. sounds like she couldnt be bothered to think about you and went with the laziest possible option. bad head is worse than no head. </s>
|
AITA For siding with my brother and SIL over my parents?
|
my brother and my sil have been married for 6 years. i love them both dearly. they adopted a little girl about a year ago. my parents were happy about this too, at first. they got really angry when my brother and sil announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids.
&#x200b;
my mom and dad lost their shit. they told my brother he *had* to get my sil pregnant. he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. this makes no sense to me, nor my bro and sil. it's not as if we're a family of european royalty. who gives a fuck about the family name in this day and age? well, my parents do apparently. they've been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she's taking something away from our family. on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sil if she didn't want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman.
&#x200b;
what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece. earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. but ever since they were told about my bro and sil's decision, they've stopped calling her. this pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sil. the child is 3 years old and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment.
&#x200b;
yesterday, when i called my brother, he seemed very upset. he told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. when he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they'd talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one.
&#x200b;
i was angrier than i've been in a long time. i called my parents and unloaded on them. i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things i can't even remember. my mom started crying as she's not used to being yelled at. i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but i just can't believe how awful they are being towards a kid. so am i the asshole? or are they?
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
edit : some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids. no need to worry about that since i won't be having any. i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this.
| 25,137 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0hwki/aita_for_siding_with_my_brother_and_sil_over_my/
|
2020-07-30 07:40:34
|
nta. your parents can be disappointed that they don’t have a “biological” grandchild, but you were absolutely right to call them out on how cruel they’re being to your niece. what if your brother or sil weren’t physically able to have children? i wonder if your parents would have thrown a fit about carrying on the family name then. either way, they need to come to terms with their disappointment and stop taking it out by being so mean to everyone, especially their granddaughter.
|
nta
they absolutely deserved it. good on you for having your brother's, sil's, and niece's backs.
|
nta i’m sure your brother feels good that you are at least on his side.
|
pretty obviously nta. forcing someone to have kids? abusive potentially.
your parents’ behaviour is disgusting in this context.
|
nta, they are though! they have a grandchild and are mistreating her (and her parents) for not being biologically related to them. do you know the saying "blood is thicker than water"? the actual quote goes "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", meaning that connections established freely are stronger than just being connected by genetics.
maybe yelling wasn't the best thing to do, but so is their behaviour towards your niece, who is getting ignored by her grandparents for something she has no power over and for some old/weird value.
|
nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta nta
just because your mom cried because one of her children demanded to be respected as a peer doesn't make you an asshole. they are being selfish, cruel, petulant, childish, immature, assholes. you had every right to read them the riot act, so does your brother, so does your sil. hopefully they learn from this encounter and grow up.
|
nta
not only because you don't treat a child like that, but even if they did have a child, what if it was "gasp" a girl!!! would they be as vile to their "bio"grandchild unless they get the gender they want?
|
as a parent of an adopted child...thank you. i am from india and it's not a very socially accepted norm here. my in laws reacted similarly when we told them first that we only wanted to adopt and not have biological kids. lots of tantrums and emotional manipulation. thankfully my bil was very supportive and he stood by us. as time went on they have completely accepted the reality and are very loving to their grandchild. i hope it's only time that they need to get over their disappointment and they will come around to giving the little girl the grandparents she deserves. you did absolutely the right thing. she is lucky to have such an aunt / uncle who stands up for her.
nta
|
*oh, but they must have a male heir, for the abbey is entailed. otherwise your boorish solicitor cousin, mr. feversham, will inherit all! now will someone please enlighten me as to what is a week-end?!*
nta, and your niece doesn’t need grandparents who suck like that!
|
nta. your parents are being completely irrational.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my brother and my sil have been married for 6 years. i love them both dearly. they adopted a little girl about a year ago. my parents were happy about this too, at first. they got really angry when my brother and sil announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids. &#x200b; my mom and dad lost their shit. they told my brother he *had* to get my sil pregnant. he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. this makes no sense to me, nor my bro and sil. it's not as if we're a family of european royalty. who gives a fuck about the family name in this day and age? well, my parents do apparently. they've been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she's taking something away from our family. on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sil if she didn't want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman. &#x200b; what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece. earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. but ever since they were told about my bro and sil's decision, they've stopped calling her. this pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sil. the child is 3 years old and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. &#x200b; yesterday, when i called my brother, he seemed very upset. he told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. when he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they'd talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one. &#x200b; i was angrier than i've been in a long time. i called my parents and unloaded on them. i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things i can't even remember. my mom started crying as she's not used to being yelled at. i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but i just can't believe how awful they are being towards a kid. so am i the asshole? or are they? &#x200b; &#x200b; edit : some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids. no need to worry about that since i won't be having any. i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my brother and my sil have been married for 6 years. i love them both dearly. they adopted a little girl about a year ago. my parents were happy about this too, at first. they got really angry when my brother and sil announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids. &#x200b; my mom and dad lost their shit. they told my brother he *had* to get my sil pregnant. he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. this makes no sense to me, nor my bro and sil. it's not as if we're a family of european royalty. who gives a fuck about the family name in this day and age? well, my parents do apparently. they've been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she's taking something away from our family. on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sil if she didn't want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman. &#x200b; what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece. earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. but ever since they were told about my bro and sil's decision, they've stopped calling her. this pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sil. the child is 3 years old and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. &#x200b; yesterday, when i called my brother, he seemed very upset. he told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. when he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they'd talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one. &#x200b; i was angrier than i've been in a long time. i called my parents and unloaded on them. i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things i can't even remember. my mom started crying as she's not used to being yelled at. i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but i just can't believe how awful they are being towards a kid. so am i the asshole? or are they? &#x200b; &#x200b; edit : some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids. no need to worry about that since i won't be having any. i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this. [/INST] nta. your parents can be disappointed that they don’t have a “biological” grandchild, but you were absolutely right to call them out on how cruel they’re being to your niece. what if your brother or sil weren’t physically able to have children? i wonder if your parents would have thrown a fit about carrying on the family name then. either way, they need to come to terms with their disappointment and stop taking it out by being so mean to everyone, especially their granddaughter. </s>
|
AITA for humiliating a man and his entire family when he proposed to me?
|
on my phone, sorry about any formatting issues.
i(28f) come from a very traditional indian family. i left them when i came to usa for uni because i knew that if i accepted their help in paying my fees they would hold it against me later and i got a part time job along with the financial aid i was receiving. i maintained low contact and didn't visit them in person until i was 26, when they contacted me on my younger brother passing uni.
for the last two years, i have visited them four times and each time they've been talking about marriage although i stated very clearly that i wasn't interested. they brought up kids and how finding guys willing to marry older women was hard. i said no problem because i'm child free and that i don't need/want them to find a guy for me.
january this year, i went to visit them and they said that they had something 'special' for me and that i would absolutely love it. the day after i reached their home, they said they were throwing me a 'welcome home party'. i thought they were trying to fix our relationship and let it be.
they invited a lot of people and it had obviously already been planned. an hour in, my parents introduced me to a man in his thirties(f) and his parents.
so, next thing i know, f goes down on one knee and whips out a beautiful ring. i'm surprised and angry at my parents for still trying to control my life and putting me in such a situation.
i said no, but then our parents began to push my buttons and i exploded. i called f, his parents and my parents low-lifes for trying to trick me and basically insulted their views, calling them misogynistic and disgusting.
told them to go f themselves and left. i packed my bags and went to stay at a hotel until it was time for my flight. my mom cried and begged me to stay and said that they had already paid for half of the dowry and ring. i stopped responding to my parent's calls and texts because i was done with them.
my cousins and some old friends have been telling me that i was being unfair by being so rude to f and his parents. thing is, they were in on it. they expected me to say yes and sent me a lot of insults when i refused to reconsider.
they were humiliated and in their tiny group of small-minded people, my parents were being ostracized for raising a 'whore' of a daughter. f and his parents were also humiliated because they were rejected by a 'whore'.
aita for being so rude? i feel like i should've handled the situation more delicately, rather than blowing up at all of them.
| 25,135 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ivbsso/aita_for_humiliating_a_man_and_his_entire_family/
|
2020-09-18 18:36:32
|
nta.
but don't go back.
in case they trap you
|
get on that plane and don’t go back. you have seen what they will do if you do. if, and i mean if you keep contact, get a wedding ring to wear. that they will see. it doesn’t have to be real or have a man attached to it, but if they see you are taken, they (may) not try another stunt like this. you are nta. they embarrassed themselves by underestimating your independence, strength and stubbornness. good for you :)
|
nta. this was a trap that they knew they were setting and you didn’t fall for it. it doesn’t sound like you owe these people anything and if they think they can use money to goat you into marriage the least they can do is write a check so you can burn it
|
how dare you?????!!?!??
nta.
you’re kidding, right? you know there’s no way you’re the ah here. you probably also know you really couldn’t have done anything any better than you did.
here’s what you don’t know: your story needs to be told. you made a whole bunch of really good decisions that a lot of girls in india (and other countries) don’t think they can make. they fall for all the traps that are set by the family pressure and the forced dependence. i don’t know, a youtube video or something? your story needs to get out there.
it’s the 21st century, people are entitled to live their own lives.
|
nta! what they did to you was manipulative and so so controlling. it’s great that you are completely independent from them and i wouldn’t blame you for going complete no-contact. that culture is likely very ingrained in your family’s minds and lives, so much so that they won’t be likely to change their views anytime soon. i don’t think what you did was really rude considering the situation and pressure they put on you, all without your consent.
|
>f and his parents were also humiliated because they were rejected by a 'whore'.
lol...so if you are a whore, what does he care what you think? why would he want to marry a whore? i dont understand this logic.
anyway as someone who was involved with an indian woman and her very controlling family, i bowed out of that entire mess and did not marry her. i refused to be a third wheel to my own marriage and have to defer to people halfway around the globe who i never met. not even my culture. good luck to you. continue doing what makes you happy. dont look back. nta
|
nta. you told them several times how you felt about the situation and that you wanted a relationship on your terms, if it ever happened. they didn’t listen and popped a surprise proposal on you without warning or regard to your wishes. after you said no, they kept pushing you. you owe them nothing at this point as you explained your position clearly multiple times. they are the ahs for not listening to your desires where all of this is concerned.
i wish you the best moving forward and suggest going low-no contact again for a while. if only for your sanity.
|
nta. why did they think that this was going to work?
|
nta
your family and their backward ass 17th century views on women as property with no self determination or worth other than as wives or baby factories are garbage with no place in today’s world.
one of my good friends in school had the entire world going for her, great degree from a great college, intelligent, super bright outlook on life and amazing attitude. she could have been a ceo or senator or self made millionaire by 40.
instead her family basically did the same thing they did to you, ambushed her when she went home with an arranged marriage, and told her she would be the shame of the family and community if she said no.
so she relented and married the guy. she ended up having 4 kids with him so far, and is still in india, having never came back to the states, and completely hating her life, almost suicidal sometimes.
they deserve to be shamed and humiliated. run away, run fast, and run far and never look back.
|
edited to nta since apparently that's not how you propose regardless (for f, the others were ta from the beginning)
you said they were "in on it", does that mean you know they were aware that this was not something you'd be into?
this isn't my wheelhouse, so "in on it" to me could mean "they're just as culpable" as your parents, or it could me, "they knew there was going to be a proposal, but not necessarily that you were against the notion".
*if* you share in the "asshole" at all (because if it's not n.t.a it would be e.s.h, you definitely wouldn't be the *only* asshole here) would be if you lashed at people who were misled.
your parents of course, his parents, yes (for the insults after you refused if nothing else), i can't tell if "f" is included in that or not, but it so then he is as well.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: on my phone, sorry about any formatting issues. i(28f) come from a very traditional indian family. i left them when i came to usa for uni because i knew that if i accepted their help in paying my fees they would hold it against me later and i got a part time job along with the financial aid i was receiving. i maintained low contact and didn't visit them in person until i was 26, when they contacted me on my younger brother passing uni. for the last two years, i have visited them four times and each time they've been talking about marriage although i stated very clearly that i wasn't interested. they brought up kids and how finding guys willing to marry older women was hard. i said no problem because i'm child free and that i don't need/want them to find a guy for me. january this year, i went to visit them and they said that they had something 'special' for me and that i would absolutely love it. the day after i reached their home, they said they were throwing me a 'welcome home party'. i thought they were trying to fix our relationship and let it be. they invited a lot of people and it had obviously already been planned. an hour in, my parents introduced me to a man in his thirties(f) and his parents. so, next thing i know, f goes down on one knee and whips out a beautiful ring. i'm surprised and angry at my parents for still trying to control my life and putting me in such a situation. i said no, but then our parents began to push my buttons and i exploded. i called f, his parents and my parents low-lifes for trying to trick me and basically insulted their views, calling them misogynistic and disgusting. told them to go f themselves and left. i packed my bags and went to stay at a hotel until it was time for my flight. my mom cried and begged me to stay and said that they had already paid for half of the dowry and ring. i stopped responding to my parent's calls and texts because i was done with them. my cousins and some old friends have been telling me that i was being unfair by being so rude to f and his parents. thing is, they were in on it. they expected me to say yes and sent me a lot of insults when i refused to reconsider. they were humiliated and in their tiny group of small-minded people, my parents were being ostracized for raising a 'whore' of a daughter. f and his parents were also humiliated because they were rejected by a 'whore'. aita for being so rude? i feel like i should've handled the situation more delicately, rather than blowing up at all of them.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
on my phone, sorry about any formatting issues. i(28f) come from a very traditional indian family. i left them when i came to usa for uni because i knew that if i accepted their help in paying my fees they would hold it against me later and i got a part time job along with the financial aid i was receiving. i maintained low contact and didn't visit them in person until i was 26, when they contacted me on my younger brother passing uni. for the last two years, i have visited them four times and each time they've been talking about marriage although i stated very clearly that i wasn't interested. they brought up kids and how finding guys willing to marry older women was hard. i said no problem because i'm child free and that i don't need/want them to find a guy for me. january this year, i went to visit them and they said that they had something 'special' for me and that i would absolutely love it. the day after i reached their home, they said they were throwing me a 'welcome home party'. i thought they were trying to fix our relationship and let it be. they invited a lot of people and it had obviously already been planned. an hour in, my parents introduced me to a man in his thirties(f) and his parents. so, next thing i know, f goes down on one knee and whips out a beautiful ring. i'm surprised and angry at my parents for still trying to control my life and putting me in such a situation. i said no, but then our parents began to push my buttons and i exploded. i called f, his parents and my parents low-lifes for trying to trick me and basically insulted their views, calling them misogynistic and disgusting. told them to go f themselves and left. i packed my bags and went to stay at a hotel until it was time for my flight. my mom cried and begged me to stay and said that they had already paid for half of the dowry and ring. i stopped responding to my parent's calls and texts because i was done with them. my cousins and some old friends have been telling me that i was being unfair by being so rude to f and his parents. thing is, they were in on it. they expected me to say yes and sent me a lot of insults when i refused to reconsider. they were humiliated and in their tiny group of small-minded people, my parents were being ostracized for raising a 'whore' of a daughter. f and his parents were also humiliated because they were rejected by a 'whore'. aita for being so rude? i feel like i should've handled the situation more delicately, rather than blowing up at all of them. [/INST] nta. but don't go back. in case they trap you </s>
|
AITA for banning my MIL from the house after I discovered that she's installed a camera in the bedroom?
|
my husband (m33) got into a car accident almost a month ago, he's been bedridden due to a back injury and i've been his primary caregiver. the pressure has been too much from my mil, she keeps telling me to take care of him and be there for him constantly. she begged me to take time of work and i did, asked me to send her hourly updates about his condition (first 2 weeks) but when i don't she'd get mad and cause an issue. she visits everyday but doesn't do anything to help, alternatively, she'd list all the things i should or shouldn't do. the family keeps telling me she's just worried sick for her son so i try to stay calm.
days ago, she called to berate me about not replacing the sheets quickly, i had no idea how she found out since my husband didn't call her. my sister inlaw called me to tell me that her mom installed a camera in the bedroom to see if i was taking proper care of her son. i was stunned, after searching the room i found the camera, i called my mil and had a huge fight with her. she admitted it and said she was just feeling concerned and wanted to make sure her son was being cared for (despite him calling her everyday) i yelled at her telling her that she's no longer allowed into my home after this. she lost it and went on a rant about how i'm stopping her from seeing her son and that not seeing him will literally make her sick herself. the family called me later to get me to back out of this decision but i told them she breached my privacy and took advantage of the situation, they said i'm taking it too personally and that i can't blame a concerned mother for wanting to make sure her son's fine, especially since she listed things she thought i was doing wrong. i ended the conversation but my husband is upset telling me i'm being vindictive and that if his mom can't come then he'll move there with her. we argued then i went outside and he's been silent eversince.
aita.?
| 25,113 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tcf97q/aita_for_banning_my_mil_from_the_house_after_i/
|
2022-03-12 12:18:41
|
nta. report it to the police. let your husband go home to his mummy.
|
nta. let your husband move out then. that woman should be arrested! what kind of family is this???? get tf out of dodge before you are entangled with children.
|
nta jesus. i have a sick feeling she never would have uninstalled it. check the rest of your house and block anyone who doesn’t respect your autonomy and privacy.
|
nta. your husband just asked for a divorce. let him stay married to his mother. there are better fish in the sea.
|
nta let him move, problem solved 🤷🏼♀️ where’s the conflict? the relationship is probably over, but have you not realised your husband knew about the camera? she installed it while he was in the room.
|
nta. time for him to go live with mummy. f that report to police ad file for divorce. that family is crazy.
|
nta wtf.
you could have been getting dressed. you could have had some 'alone time'. you could have helped your husband beat some meat.
so many things she could have seen that she had no right to. i don't even think i'd talk to her.
|
nta and tbh i think what she did was illegal???? if neither you nor your husband consented to it, it feels really really illegal
you’re not stopping her from seeing her son, you’re preventing her from literally breaching your privacy in one of the worst ways she could possibly do again
she had no right to install a camera in your bedroom let alone anywhere in your house whatsoever just bc she was concerned
she should’ve just offered to help whenever she came over instead of just giving you a list (i’m sure you know how to care for your own husband) and secretly installing a camera
edit to add: if your husband says he’ll move in with his mom, let him
let her take care of him since she’s this worried about him and he seems unbothered by the fact that she installed a camera in your own bedroom without you knowing
|
nta
i think your husband moving in with his mom while recovering is the best idea, as he will receive the proper care his family thinks he deserves.
he wants it, mil wants it, let them have it. just let him know you will take him back anytime he wants it
|
nta, let him move in with her. he has shown you where your feelings rank with him.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (m33) got into a car accident almost a month ago, he's been bedridden due to a back injury and i've been his primary caregiver. the pressure has been too much from my mil, she keeps telling me to take care of him and be there for him constantly. she begged me to take time of work and i did, asked me to send her hourly updates about his condition (first 2 weeks) but when i don't she'd get mad and cause an issue. she visits everyday but doesn't do anything to help, alternatively, she'd list all the things i should or shouldn't do. the family keeps telling me she's just worried sick for her son so i try to stay calm. days ago, she called to berate me about not replacing the sheets quickly, i had no idea how she found out since my husband didn't call her. my sister inlaw called me to tell me that her mom installed a camera in the bedroom to see if i was taking proper care of her son. i was stunned, after searching the room i found the camera, i called my mil and had a huge fight with her. she admitted it and said she was just feeling concerned and wanted to make sure her son was being cared for (despite him calling her everyday) i yelled at her telling her that she's no longer allowed into my home after this. she lost it and went on a rant about how i'm stopping her from seeing her son and that not seeing him will literally make her sick herself. the family called me later to get me to back out of this decision but i told them she breached my privacy and took advantage of the situation, they said i'm taking it too personally and that i can't blame a concerned mother for wanting to make sure her son's fine, especially since she listed things she thought i was doing wrong. i ended the conversation but my husband is upset telling me i'm being vindictive and that if his mom can't come then he'll move there with her. we argued then i went outside and he's been silent eversince. aita.?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband (m33) got into a car accident almost a month ago, he's been bedridden due to a back injury and i've been his primary caregiver. the pressure has been too much from my mil, she keeps telling me to take care of him and be there for him constantly. she begged me to take time of work and i did, asked me to send her hourly updates about his condition (first 2 weeks) but when i don't she'd get mad and cause an issue. she visits everyday but doesn't do anything to help, alternatively, she'd list all the things i should or shouldn't do. the family keeps telling me she's just worried sick for her son so i try to stay calm. days ago, she called to berate me about not replacing the sheets quickly, i had no idea how she found out since my husband didn't call her. my sister inlaw called me to tell me that her mom installed a camera in the bedroom to see if i was taking proper care of her son. i was stunned, after searching the room i found the camera, i called my mil and had a huge fight with her. she admitted it and said she was just feeling concerned and wanted to make sure her son was being cared for (despite him calling her everyday) i yelled at her telling her that she's no longer allowed into my home after this. she lost it and went on a rant about how i'm stopping her from seeing her son and that not seeing him will literally make her sick herself. the family called me later to get me to back out of this decision but i told them she breached my privacy and took advantage of the situation, they said i'm taking it too personally and that i can't blame a concerned mother for wanting to make sure her son's fine, especially since she listed things she thought i was doing wrong. i ended the conversation but my husband is upset telling me i'm being vindictive and that if his mom can't come then he'll move there with her. we argued then i went outside and he's been silent eversince. aita.? [/INST] nta. report it to the police. let your husband go home to his mummy. </s>
|
AITA for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight?
|
aita for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight?
i'm a 19f who was traveling alone on an 11 hour flight today, and a guy in his 20s(?) is in the same row as me. i was exhausted because i only got four hours of sleep before the flight so i could sleep on the plane, but this guy (we'll call him c) keeps trying to make conversation. c starts off by telling me he's autistic, and then asking me if i like kpop and he keeps non stop talking and rarely gives me a chance to speak, not that i wanted to.
i tried to be polite because i have adhd and i understand how social cues are difficult so he probably can't tell i'm not in the mood. over the course of the next 20 minutes i tell c maybe 5 times i want to sleep and put my headphones on and each time c begins speaking to me after maybe 2 minutes of silence. finally i was able to sleep for around 4 hours, but when i woke up c started up again. i'm still really tired, and i had some personal issues the day before my flight so i'm also socially exhausted, but i let him talk for a bit before i start watching a show on my phone.
i tell him maybe 5 seperate times that i'm trying to watch a show, and that i'm not interested in talking to him right now but maybe later. c still keeps trying to talk to me, and when i snap a bit and tell him i'm getting a bit annoyed he goes into a full on self-hating " i'm so sorry, i'm horrible god im just gonna shut up now" rant, and i feel bad because i should have been nicer to him and i can understand emotions being too strong and spiraling. i tell c that it's okay, and i just want some time to myself as i'm not the chattiest person, but maybe later we can talk. i put my headphones on and watched my show, but c kept trying to speak to me but this time i ignored him, which was honestly a shitty move from me but i just didn't have the energy at this point to interact with him. this was the wrong move, as he moved to get out of the row and stood in the aisle and began yelling at me. i didn't catch everything he said but it was along the lines of " why can't women believe not all men are bad. some men are on your side. i'm a nice guy, why are you ignoring me." he storms off to the bathroom and i take that chance to ask a flight attendant if i can change my seat because he really freaked me out and i didn't want to have a panic attack on a plane. the flight attendants were amazing and got my stuff and moved me far away from him.
i feel like i'm ta because he does have autism and i could have been more patient maybe and ignoring him was a shit thing to do.
| 25,078 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxfsmw/aita_for_ignoring_an_autistic_guy_on_my_flight/
|
2022-05-25 12:01:14
|
nta.
dude was creepy.
|
no, you shouldn’t have been nicer to him. you should have been more firm from the start. “i don’t want to talk.” “stop talking to me.” “stop talking or i will call the flight attendants to let them you know you’re harassing me.” now is the time to learn to stand up for yourself. men will get mad about it. too bad for them. nta
|
nta - and i feel the need to correct you: he claimed he has autism. many people throw this word around just to avoid taking responsibility for their shitty behavior. taking his statement about him being a "nice guy" into consideration, he probably wanted pity-points to have it easier to flirt and trample over your boundaries with the excuse of having the condition.
|
nta: someone with autism who is high functioning enough to fly unaccompanied, is able to understand a social boundary when it is explicitly pointed out to them.
|
nta. i’m autistic and honestly the last plane trip some non-autistic guy was doing the same thing to me. except he kept touching me too!!!! literally touching me…. urghhhhh i didn’t think to ask about moving. will do that next time.
|
nta, not even close. being neurodivergent doesn’t entitle someone to your time, or your attention, nor does it entitle them to harass you.
|
omg what nta nta nta! this sounds like a nightmare combination of being trapped on a plane with someone who is an autistic (possibly difficult to deal with, depending on the situation) incel (straight up scary). “why can’t women understand not all men are bad”?????? holy crap. red flag red flag red flag! i’m soooooo glad you asked to be moved. it would have been nta *before* that part (because autistic or not, you don’t owe anyone more of your time or energy or attention. if you didn’t want to talk, then you didn’t want to talk period end of story. him being autistic does not trump your personal boundaries) but *after* that part? hell no! omg i’m so sorry this happened to you. literally seems like a nightmare.
|
he started by telling you he is autistic so he could be excused for bad behavior. being neurodivergent is not an excuse for behaving as he did. when he lost his shit at you, he showed the real reason why he continued to bother you. he made it into a woman hating incel issue with the nice guy comment. his expectation was that you would follow his script.
nta
|
nta. autism doesn't justify that. he was creepy regardless. the "nice guy" thing was everything i needed to know. i would have had way less patience.
|
nta. you were nice. you asked him politely. he didn't listen. so instead of wasting your breath, you did the next best thing and that was to ignore him. it's not your fault that he had a breakdown.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: aita for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight? i'm a 19f who was traveling alone on an 11 hour flight today, and a guy in his 20s(?) is in the same row as me. i was exhausted because i only got four hours of sleep before the flight so i could sleep on the plane, but this guy (we'll call him c) keeps trying to make conversation. c starts off by telling me he's autistic, and then asking me if i like kpop and he keeps non stop talking and rarely gives me a chance to speak, not that i wanted to. i tried to be polite because i have adhd and i understand how social cues are difficult so he probably can't tell i'm not in the mood. over the course of the next 20 minutes i tell c maybe 5 times i want to sleep and put my headphones on and each time c begins speaking to me after maybe 2 minutes of silence. finally i was able to sleep for around 4 hours, but when i woke up c started up again. i'm still really tired, and i had some personal issues the day before my flight so i'm also socially exhausted, but i let him talk for a bit before i start watching a show on my phone. i tell him maybe 5 seperate times that i'm trying to watch a show, and that i'm not interested in talking to him right now but maybe later. c still keeps trying to talk to me, and when i snap a bit and tell him i'm getting a bit annoyed he goes into a full on self-hating " i'm so sorry, i'm horrible god im just gonna shut up now" rant, and i feel bad because i should have been nicer to him and i can understand emotions being too strong and spiraling. i tell c that it's okay, and i just want some time to myself as i'm not the chattiest person, but maybe later we can talk. i put my headphones on and watched my show, but c kept trying to speak to me but this time i ignored him, which was honestly a shitty move from me but i just didn't have the energy at this point to interact with him. this was the wrong move, as he moved to get out of the row and stood in the aisle and began yelling at me. i didn't catch everything he said but it was along the lines of " why can't women believe not all men are bad. some men are on your side. i'm a nice guy, why are you ignoring me." he storms off to the bathroom and i take that chance to ask a flight attendant if i can change my seat because he really freaked me out and i didn't want to have a panic attack on a plane. the flight attendants were amazing and got my stuff and moved me far away from him. i feel like i'm ta because he does have autism and i could have been more patient maybe and ignoring him was a shit thing to do.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
aita for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight? i'm a 19f who was traveling alone on an 11 hour flight today, and a guy in his 20s(?) is in the same row as me. i was exhausted because i only got four hours of sleep before the flight so i could sleep on the plane, but this guy (we'll call him c) keeps trying to make conversation. c starts off by telling me he's autistic, and then asking me if i like kpop and he keeps non stop talking and rarely gives me a chance to speak, not that i wanted to. i tried to be polite because i have adhd and i understand how social cues are difficult so he probably can't tell i'm not in the mood. over the course of the next 20 minutes i tell c maybe 5 times i want to sleep and put my headphones on and each time c begins speaking to me after maybe 2 minutes of silence. finally i was able to sleep for around 4 hours, but when i woke up c started up again. i'm still really tired, and i had some personal issues the day before my flight so i'm also socially exhausted, but i let him talk for a bit before i start watching a show on my phone. i tell him maybe 5 seperate times that i'm trying to watch a show, and that i'm not interested in talking to him right now but maybe later. c still keeps trying to talk to me, and when i snap a bit and tell him i'm getting a bit annoyed he goes into a full on self-hating " i'm so sorry, i'm horrible god im just gonna shut up now" rant, and i feel bad because i should have been nicer to him and i can understand emotions being too strong and spiraling. i tell c that it's okay, and i just want some time to myself as i'm not the chattiest person, but maybe later we can talk. i put my headphones on and watched my show, but c kept trying to speak to me but this time i ignored him, which was honestly a shitty move from me but i just didn't have the energy at this point to interact with him. this was the wrong move, as he moved to get out of the row and stood in the aisle and began yelling at me. i didn't catch everything he said but it was along the lines of " why can't women believe not all men are bad. some men are on your side. i'm a nice guy, why are you ignoring me." he storms off to the bathroom and i take that chance to ask a flight attendant if i can change my seat because he really freaked me out and i didn't want to have a panic attack on a plane. the flight attendants were amazing and got my stuff and moved me far away from him. i feel like i'm ta because he does have autism and i could have been more patient maybe and ignoring him was a shit thing to do. [/INST] nta. dude was creepy. </s>
|
AITA for telling my mom to not have any more kids?
|
i(16f) live with my parents and 11 siblings. i'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1. we live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy. my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch tv. true, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that i don't really get to be a teenager.
last night, after my mom told me to but j+a(3) to bed, i told her to do it herself as i need to study. she said that it is my responsibility as an older child. i lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life. aita?
tl;dr my mom has 12 kids and wants 15, and i lost my temper and said that she shouldn’t have any more because she can’t take care of all of them as it is.
| 25,078 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g95klk/aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_not_have_any_more_kids/
|
2020-04-27 17:47:50
|
nta. her "dream" is only doable with you and the other older kids acting as secondary parents. you need to put your foot down and refuse to take on that role; maybe then, she will realize her dream is not only not doable, but is affecting the quality of life of the kids she already has.
|
nta, your parents want 15 kids in a 4 bedroom house? what the fuck?
|
nta. making older children take on a parental role is abuse. i'm so sorry. i hope you're able to get out of there soon.
|
nta - so what’s your plan when you’re an adult? in your case i’d say that at 16 i think it’s important to start a plan for getting out of there and doing your own thing.
|
nta. i'm the 1st of 10. basically raised 6 kids myself before graduating high school, all while trying to pass my ap exams and get into a good college.
you're nta. and remember that when you leave that place, you don't owe those people anything. no more of that "your responsibility as the oldest" bullshit.
|
nta.
fifteen? that’s an oddly specific number. tell her 12 is better. it’s divisible by 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, and 12 and if humans didn’t have 10 fingers you bet we’d be counting to 12 instead of 10 because what’s 1/3 of 10? nothing as nice as 4. the number theoretic advantages of 12 over 15 are off the charts.
serious. that weird numerical obsession of hers is a disservice to real life human beings. she needs to get over herself.
|
nta. your parents are being selfish.
|
is it legal to have so many kids with so few bedrooms? i thought there was some kind of minimum standard, and i wouldn’t have thought 4 kids per room would meet it, especially if they’re mixed sex. but i may be thinking of foster situations.
|
nta, 11 kids?!! what is this the apocalypse and they’re trying to repopulate the earth? i suggest you get out of there once you’re 18. i also suggest you keep an eye on your siblings, if things get bad you can always call cps if your younger siblings are being neglected.
|
nta- it is your parents job to parent and its your job to be a kid. yes, you can help out bc you have a large family, but it does not mean for you to do basically all the parenting. op, if possible, once this coronavirus restrictions end, i would try to be out of the house as much as possible-ie- your job, library, etc.
info- 1)what does your dad say to this? 2) have you ever told your parents how you feel? also, have any of your older siblings and the ones that take on responsibility for the younger kids said anything to your parents as a whole? i think its important you sit them down and explain to them (bonus points if your siblings who are impacted join in) what the implications are and what will happen when you guys are off to college and being adults.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(16f) live with my parents and 11 siblings. i'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1. we live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy. my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch tv. true, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that i don't really get to be a teenager. last night, after my mom told me to but j+a(3) to bed, i told her to do it herself as i need to study. she said that it is my responsibility as an older child. i lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life. aita? tl;dr my mom has 12 kids and wants 15, and i lost my temper and said that she shouldn’t have any more because she can’t take care of all of them as it is.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(16f) live with my parents and 11 siblings. i'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1. we live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy. my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch tv. true, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that i don't really get to be a teenager. last night, after my mom told me to but j+a(3) to bed, i told her to do it herself as i need to study. she said that it is my responsibility as an older child. i lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she’s depriving the younger ones of a better life. aita? tl;dr my mom has 12 kids and wants 15, and i lost my temper and said that she shouldn’t have any more because she can’t take care of all of them as it is. [/INST] nta. her "dream" is only doable with you and the other older kids acting as secondary parents. you need to put your foot down and refuse to take on that role; maybe then, she will realize her dream is not only not doable, but is affecting the quality of life of the kids she already has. </s>
|
AITA for telling my stepdaughter she’s absolutely under no circumstances allowed to switch out my cats food for vegan food even though she’s losing weight because the sight of normal cat food makes her sick?
|
sorry for the appalling title. my stepdaughter is living with my husband and i for the next year. shes an educated young professional who’s saving up to buy her own home.
since she’s moved in with us (past 3 months) she’s become increasingly snappy and unhappy with how her dad and i run our lives. we aren’t environmentally conscious enough because we don’t compost our waste, we are negligent because we leave lights on when we leave our home for security reasons, we should switch to electric cars, we are contributing to the inhumane treatment of cows by consuming dairy, the list is endless.
my cat mango is getting to be an old ass man and he has lived a full life of eating whatever the fuck he likes (obviously within what’s safe for a cat) and hes happy that way. my stepdaughter is now insisting she will purchase vegan cat food because seeing mango eat meat makes her sick.
we feed him in the kitchen and she will literally throw up / retch/ leave the kitchen if she sees him eat meat. she has lost a lot of weight since claiming that seeing mango eat meat makes her sick, and we leave out dry biscuits for him to snack on which also makes her sick. it’s not like we leave mess out but even if she smells his food in the am (which is gross, yeah, but the doors are open and that’s just life if you have a pet) she will heave and walk away.
her dad and i both told her if she’s unhappy with it she needs to find someplace else to live and although we are genuinely sorry she’s lost her appetite and has lost weight we aren’t going to change mangos lifestyle- she has yelled, cursed at us, cried, begged, etc, but no, we are not happy with mango eating a vegan diet. we don’t feed him cheap crap either, we feed him food quality cat food that isn’t processed or full of sugar or grain. it’s pretty much gourmet gordon ramsey worthy cat food.
my mil has waded in after my stepdaughter told her we were being unfair by refusing to let mango go on her preferred diet for him, and is accusing us of being cruel and shortsighted. she says we are letting her get sick, and that mango won’t hurt from a change in diet but stepdaughter is hurting.
| 25,074 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ghwz34/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_shes_absolutely/
|
2020-05-11 21:34:18
|
nta.
veterinary nurse here. as explained above, cats are obligate carnivores, they absolutely need the taurine that only meat can provide. cats cant thrive on a vegan diet. my mom is a pretty hardcore vegan and still feeds all her pets a species appropriate diet because she aware that's what they need to be the healthiest they can be.
|
nta cats are obligate carnivores and they will sicken and die without meat.
|
nta. pets can, and have, died whe irresponsible owners force their dietary beliefs on them.
cats aren't made to be vegan. she is being unreasonable, plus it's your house - she shouldn't be making all these demands on you at all.
|
nta.
cats cannot under any circumstances be vegan. they need meat. i have a vegan friends who still feed their cats meat because it's their choice to be vegan, not the cats who couldn't be even if he was sentient enough to want to be.
if she cares about animals and the environment so much, why would she want to actually harm a cat by feeding it unsuitable food? why does she have to be in the room while the cat is eating his meat? cat meat smells gross sure and that's probably worse for a vegan. but she doesn't have to watch the cat eat.
|
nta. i was vegan for a while and know many vegans and all are able to be in a room while other people or animals are eating meat--it's nearly impossible to live a life in vegan isolation. plus, if she gets sick just seeing mango eat a dry biscuit, is buying vegan cat food really going to solve the problem?
this is pure speculation without more information, but is it possible your stepdaughter has some mental/emotional issues (an eating disorder, ocd) that are causing her to get sick and lose weight and that she is blaming on the cat? or is it possible she is hoping her dad or grandmother will take pity on her and put a down payment on that new house before she can afford it herself?
|
nta. this chick is the reason people hate vegans
|
throw the whole stepdaugher out. nta.
|
you’re stepdaughter: “im so vegan, i vomit at the sight of animal cruelty”
also your stepdaughter: “please perform animal cruelty on your pet for my personal comfort”
my kitty gets fed mostly a diet of pig hearts, which i buy whole and chop for her in my kitchen, if you feel like being really passive aggressive and having a super healthy cat.
|
it sounds like your stepdaughter has an eating disorder and is using the cat’s food/her own vegan diet as an excuse. it’s hard to convince someone to change but you should be aware this might be happening.
nta, of course you can’t put a cat on a vegan diet.
|
nta. cats are obligate carnivores. that means they don't have a choice when it comes to eating meat. your husband needs to tell your stepdaughter this isn't up for discussion any longer. (and maybe get her to a doctor, because if she can't deal with even the slightest exposure to meat, she's going to have a rough time of it.)
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sorry for the appalling title. my stepdaughter is living with my husband and i for the next year. shes an educated young professional who’s saving up to buy her own home. since she’s moved in with us (past 3 months) she’s become increasingly snappy and unhappy with how her dad and i run our lives. we aren’t environmentally conscious enough because we don’t compost our waste, we are negligent because we leave lights on when we leave our home for security reasons, we should switch to electric cars, we are contributing to the inhumane treatment of cows by consuming dairy, the list is endless. my cat mango is getting to be an old ass man and he has lived a full life of eating whatever the fuck he likes (obviously within what’s safe for a cat) and hes happy that way. my stepdaughter is now insisting she will purchase vegan cat food because seeing mango eat meat makes her sick. we feed him in the kitchen and she will literally throw up / retch/ leave the kitchen if she sees him eat meat. she has lost a lot of weight since claiming that seeing mango eat meat makes her sick, and we leave out dry biscuits for him to snack on which also makes her sick. it’s not like we leave mess out but even if she smells his food in the am (which is gross, yeah, but the doors are open and that’s just life if you have a pet) she will heave and walk away. her dad and i both told her if she’s unhappy with it she needs to find someplace else to live and although we are genuinely sorry she’s lost her appetite and has lost weight we aren’t going to change mangos lifestyle- she has yelled, cursed at us, cried, begged, etc, but no, we are not happy with mango eating a vegan diet. we don’t feed him cheap crap either, we feed him food quality cat food that isn’t processed or full of sugar or grain. it’s pretty much gourmet gordon ramsey worthy cat food. my mil has waded in after my stepdaughter told her we were being unfair by refusing to let mango go on her preferred diet for him, and is accusing us of being cruel and shortsighted. she says we are letting her get sick, and that mango won’t hurt from a change in diet but stepdaughter is hurting.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
sorry for the appalling title. my stepdaughter is living with my husband and i for the next year. shes an educated young professional who’s saving up to buy her own home. since she’s moved in with us (past 3 months) she’s become increasingly snappy and unhappy with how her dad and i run our lives. we aren’t environmentally conscious enough because we don’t compost our waste, we are negligent because we leave lights on when we leave our home for security reasons, we should switch to electric cars, we are contributing to the inhumane treatment of cows by consuming dairy, the list is endless. my cat mango is getting to be an old ass man and he has lived a full life of eating whatever the fuck he likes (obviously within what’s safe for a cat) and hes happy that way. my stepdaughter is now insisting she will purchase vegan cat food because seeing mango eat meat makes her sick. we feed him in the kitchen and she will literally throw up / retch/ leave the kitchen if she sees him eat meat. she has lost a lot of weight since claiming that seeing mango eat meat makes her sick, and we leave out dry biscuits for him to snack on which also makes her sick. it’s not like we leave mess out but even if she smells his food in the am (which is gross, yeah, but the doors are open and that’s just life if you have a pet) she will heave and walk away. her dad and i both told her if she’s unhappy with it she needs to find someplace else to live and although we are genuinely sorry she’s lost her appetite and has lost weight we aren’t going to change mangos lifestyle- she has yelled, cursed at us, cried, begged, etc, but no, we are not happy with mango eating a vegan diet. we don’t feed him cheap crap either, we feed him food quality cat food that isn’t processed or full of sugar or grain. it’s pretty much gourmet gordon ramsey worthy cat food. my mil has waded in after my stepdaughter told her we were being unfair by refusing to let mango go on her preferred diet for him, and is accusing us of being cruel and shortsighted. she says we are letting her get sick, and that mango won’t hurt from a change in diet but stepdaughter is hurting. [/INST] nta. veterinary nurse here. as explained above, cats are obligate carnivores, they absolutely need the taurine that only meat can provide. cats cant thrive on a vegan diet. my mom is a pretty hardcore vegan and still feeds all her pets a species appropriate diet because she aware that's what they need to be the healthiest they can be. </s>
|
AITA for not speaking to my parents again after they put my cat down
|
for context: i'm 28, the vets office is literally 10 minutes away.
i had them take him because i have two herniated disks and can't carry the carrier and open the multiple doors and hold the carrier without fear of dropping it. i thought he had a little cold with the only reasoning being that his ears felt a little warm, he wasn't eating as much as he normally does and he was due for his shots anyway. so i cooked dinner for all of us while they took him to the vet on my dime. i called them after an hour and asked how things were going and my father told me everything was good and he had a little fever. fast forward another hour, they come back and let themselves in and i open the door to my mother sobbing and my father slinking in the corner. turns out the vet found a large mass on his kidney and suspected it was stage 3-4 cancer. so my parents, without calling me, had him put down to "spare my feelings".
i told them both to leave and that i never wanted to speak to them again. that it wasn't their decision to make and they should have called and told me the situation so i could at the very least say good bye and be with him. that by failing to tell me, they stole an opportunity for any closure i could have. i raised that cat from a feral kitten with his mother and his brother from the time he had his eye's open. he was only 10.
i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them.
| 25,020 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fdyy9z/aita_for_not_speaking_to_my_parents_again_after/
|
2020-03-05 17:46:14
|
nta.
>they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them.
do they often take your circumstances as an excuse to misbehave emotionally?
i'd recommend calling the vet and making sure that they're being honest that a)the cat was put down, and b) it's for the reason they said it was. it is pretty weird to diagnose a cat with kidney cancer during a walk-in appointment, even if you're there an hour or two.
|
nta.
it's bad enough - *gigantic* asshole behavior - to put down your daugher's pet without telling her first when it was entirely possible to ensure she (you, op) had the opportunity to say goodbye first.
but to **berate** you for being upset with them and they refuse to apologize?
>i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me,
they can go **fuck** themselves. i'd never speak with them again either.
it requires **so little** common sense to comprehend this, that i genuinely wonder if either of your parents have a mental illness.
i just can't think of any other reasonable explanation for behaving in such an unintelligent manner. it's just **so stupid** it's hard to comprehend.
|
a beautiful and tragic moment? what the actual fuck. fuck them. don't talk to them until they apologize for not informing you - that was not their cat, that was your pet and family and fuck them
|
nta is this your regular vet? if so, why would they let your parents make such an important decision when it isn’t their cat? did they pretend it was theirs? this whole situation is just crazy.
|
info: have you called the vet?
i dont mean to be rude....but this whole thing feels fake without that information.
|
nta
it sounded like he wasn't in so much pain he had to be put down immediately. there's no reason they should have made that call. i would be furious too, along with my heartbreak. i'm sorry you had to lose your pal in such a horrible way.
|
nta, at least for being angry at your parents. by all means get some distance, but if they have genuine remorse give them the opportunity to apologize.
but the part you're downplaying is the role of the vet in this. it doesn't sound right to me that a vet would be able to euthanize a pet without the owner's approval. unless there are extenuating circumstances why your parents would have your approval to make medical decisions for your cat, that seems like an ethical violation to me. not only would i be looking for a new vet in the future and trashing the place on social media, but i would be looking to see if there's an overseeing regulatory board that they can be reported to.
|
nta nta nta. i’m so sorry that happened!
|
yta but just because this is obviously made up. tests to confirm would take more than a hour, and the cat would likely need to be fasting. also, any reputable vet has a listing of those allowed to make medical decisions for the pet. for my dog, i could have someone else take him to an appointment but the vet is not legally allowed to do anything without my approval.
|
nta and i would be calling the vet and wanting to know why a euthanasia decision was made without calling the owner first! that's ridiculous! it's not like the cat was in immediate suffering that needed to end asap, they could keep it comfortable until they reached you. you're parents were well-meaning assholes but i'd be more furious with the vet clinic. also, to make that call without doing bloodwork?
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.074074 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context: i'm 28, the vets office is literally 10 minutes away. i had them take him because i have two herniated disks and can't carry the carrier and open the multiple doors and hold the carrier without fear of dropping it. i thought he had a little cold with the only reasoning being that his ears felt a little warm, he wasn't eating as much as he normally does and he was due for his shots anyway. so i cooked dinner for all of us while they took him to the vet on my dime. i called them after an hour and asked how things were going and my father told me everything was good and he had a little fever. fast forward another hour, they come back and let themselves in and i open the door to my mother sobbing and my father slinking in the corner. turns out the vet found a large mass on his kidney and suspected it was stage 3-4 cancer. so my parents, without calling me, had him put down to "spare my feelings". i told them both to leave and that i never wanted to speak to them again. that it wasn't their decision to make and they should have called and told me the situation so i could at the very least say good bye and be with him. that by failing to tell me, they stole an opportunity for any closure i could have. i raised that cat from a feral kitten with his mother and his brother from the time he had his eye's open. he was only 10. i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context: i'm 28, the vets office is literally 10 minutes away. i had them take him because i have two herniated disks and can't carry the carrier and open the multiple doors and hold the carrier without fear of dropping it. i thought he had a little cold with the only reasoning being that his ears felt a little warm, he wasn't eating as much as he normally does and he was due for his shots anyway. so i cooked dinner for all of us while they took him to the vet on my dime. i called them after an hour and asked how things were going and my father told me everything was good and he had a little fever. fast forward another hour, they come back and let themselves in and i open the door to my mother sobbing and my father slinking in the corner. turns out the vet found a large mass on his kidney and suspected it was stage 3-4 cancer. so my parents, without calling me, had him put down to "spare my feelings". i told them both to leave and that i never wanted to speak to them again. that it wasn't their decision to make and they should have called and told me the situation so i could at the very least say good bye and be with him. that by failing to tell me, they stole an opportunity for any closure i could have. i raised that cat from a feral kitten with his mother and his brother from the time he had his eye's open. he was only 10. i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them. [/INST] nta. >they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them. do they often take your circumstances as an excuse to misbehave emotionally? i'd recommend calling the vet and making sure that they're being honest that a)the cat was put down, and b) it's for the reason they said it was. it is pretty weird to diagnose a cat with kidney cancer during a walk-in appointment, even if you're there an hour or two. </s>
|
AITA for threatening to financially cut off my son over a baby name?
|
i had my son fairly young and i recently had a change of life baby. when i was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. i wasn't very happy but i've been supportive and i've given them a lot of financial assistance.
i had my daughter two months ago and named her clara. my son's girlfriend went ballistic. she said they were going to name their daughter clara and that i should have consulted with them (umm i got pregnant first, but whatever) i told her she needs to grow up and that she doesn't own the name. my son asked me if i would consider changing clara's name. i said no and he stormed out of the house.
well they told me the other day they are going to name their daughter paxtyn. i guess i made a face and she started yelling at me that it is my fault, because i stole the only name she likes. i even asked her if she likes the name paxtyn and she said she is going to like it when i have to tell my friends i have a granddaughter named paxtyn. so she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter.
my son said i have two months to fix this (change clara's name) and i told them that they are both idiots, and i feel bad for their future child. i also said if they name their daughter paxtyn just to be spiteful i will not give them any further assistance. my son called me up and said i was being controlling, but when i asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up
| 24,992 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ht049f/aita_for_threatening_to_financially_cut_off_my/
|
2020-07-17 17:39:15
|
nta
they have no claim to the name. you can name your child whatever you choose. are they planning on making everyone with that name change it? and if they’re “responsible” enough to have a child, they should be perfectly capable of supporting themselves without your help financially.
|
you shouldn't be financially supporting your son and his family anyway. pay for his college, sure. but this knucklehead knocked up his gf all by himself, so let him be a real daddy, not a pretend daddy, and take care of his family. let him work 20 hours every weekend supporting them while he's in school. let him learn how to budget. let him learn what it means to be a parent.
that was your mistake, right there.
blaming a name, retroactively, is passive aggressive and immature. you could say "great! i'll call her paxy-toodles! whee!" without threatening to withhold money you shouldn't be giving in the first place.
you are playing their game rather than being a parent. you have every right to refuse to assist them but you are taking an adolescent stance as to why. better to be clear with them, before the baby is born, as to why you are cutting off assistance. they need to grow up, as do you, and quit this bullshit.
|
esh
just tell them to also name the kid clara and be done with it.
plenty of families have 3 (and sometimes 4) generations of men with the same name... you can handle two clara's if it that big a deal.
|
wait, what? you had a daughter and named her. your son's gf wants the name for her unborn child. your son gave you an ultimatum to change your daughter's name. no. nta. your son doesn't seem mature enough to live on his own, less parent a child.
&#x200b;
congrats on your daughter.
|
nta but you played this wrong. you should have gushed about the name paxtyn - just been really supportive and talked about how you couldn't wait to meet baby pax. takes the teeth out of their 'threat', prevents escalation to this exact situation and might even motivate them to change it to something else. at the end of the day, it's not like they are naming the kid alibi or anything.
|
nta. he and his girlfriend are being ridiculous. if they really are choosing a name to spite you, while also treating you rudely, i don’t blame you for wanting to cut him off financially.
that said, from a practical perspective, cutting him off may mean you’ll never meet your granddaughter, so consider things carefully.
is there a compromise everyone could reach, like he’d name his daughter “clarissa” or something close but still distinct?
|
info
have your son or his hg ever mentioned the name clara in your presence?
|
nta
kids having kids.
i already feel sorry for that unborn child.
|
"oh yeah, that's my aunt. she's a clara, too." there is zero problem here (at least name-wise). nta
|
i dont get why they cant name their kid clara too, am i missing something? im 20 with a much younger sister and when i imagine my child having the same name as her it doesnt bother me whatsoever...
|
NTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.054249 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had my son fairly young and i recently had a change of life baby. when i was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. i wasn't very happy but i've been supportive and i've given them a lot of financial assistance. i had my daughter two months ago and named her clara. my son's girlfriend went ballistic. she said they were going to name their daughter clara and that i should have consulted with them (umm i got pregnant first, but whatever) i told her she needs to grow up and that she doesn't own the name. my son asked me if i would consider changing clara's name. i said no and he stormed out of the house. well they told me the other day they are going to name their daughter paxtyn. i guess i made a face and she started yelling at me that it is my fault, because i stole the only name she likes. i even asked her if she likes the name paxtyn and she said she is going to like it when i have to tell my friends i have a granddaughter named paxtyn. so she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter. my son said i have two months to fix this (change clara's name) and i told them that they are both idiots, and i feel bad for their future child. i also said if they name their daughter paxtyn just to be spiteful i will not give them any further assistance. my son called me up and said i was being controlling, but when i asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i had my son fairly young and i recently had a change of life baby. when i was four months pregnant my son, who was in college at the time told me that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. i wasn't very happy but i've been supportive and i've given them a lot of financial assistance. i had my daughter two months ago and named her clara. my son's girlfriend went ballistic. she said they were going to name their daughter clara and that i should have consulted with them (umm i got pregnant first, but whatever) i told her she needs to grow up and that she doesn't own the name. my son asked me if i would consider changing clara's name. i said no and he stormed out of the house. well they told me the other day they are going to name their daughter paxtyn. i guess i made a face and she started yelling at me that it is my fault, because i stole the only name she likes. i even asked her if she likes the name paxtyn and she said she is going to like it when i have to tell my friends i have a granddaughter named paxtyn. so she pretty much said she hates me more than she loves her daughter. my son said i have two months to fix this (change clara's name) and i told them that they are both idiots, and i feel bad for their future child. i also said if they name their daughter paxtyn just to be spiteful i will not give them any further assistance. my son called me up and said i was being controlling, but when i asked him if he actually likes the name he hung up [/INST] nta they have no claim to the name. you can name your child whatever you choose. are they planning on making everyone with that name change it? and if they’re “responsible” enough to have a child, they should be perfectly capable of supporting themselves without your help financially. </s>
|
AITA For building a Fence and blocking my neighbours from the road, forcing them to take a massive detour?
|
so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surounding it. when i bought my property 5 years ago i basically lived at least 5 minutes away from the nearest house, however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property.
i was fine with it, nothing i could do about it to begin with, but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with, or so i assumed.
it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road.
well soon after people started moving in to the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football, i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me.
untill a few months later that was, basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area. i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself.
i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular, as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property.
well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut, i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose.
however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted.
| 24,986 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ics68m/aita_for_building_a_fence_and_blocking_my/
|
2020-08-19 17:29:28
|
nta. your property, your rules.
also, if you didn't do this, you could potentially have ended up giving them a right-of-way easement without realizing it depending on your local laws.
don't budge. leave the fence. maybe they'll think in the future about asking permission in the future instead of forgiveness.
|
nta and as for the nice neighbors that's life, people take advantage of good things and ruin it for the rest of us.
part and parcel of turning small rural communities from a place everyone knows everybody and is accountable to their actions, into exactly what you're seeing with people telling you to fuck off because you don't want your land turning into a shit hole.
|
nta
it’s your private property. you were doing your nice neighbors a favor by letting them use your shortcut, you don’t owe them the use of it. i get why you feel about it, since you seem like a generous person for putting up with so much for so long.
but i think what you did is completely reasonable since you were having so many issues with people trespassing and then getting aggressive when you told them to leave.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. it’s your property and you have every right to do what you want to it.
you were not the problem, it’s the entitled assholes who were taking advantage of your good nature.
i would let everyone know the reason who the culprits were in locking down access.
if you feel really bad you could install a gate with a combo lock and give it to the nice neighbors, but honestly i would not do jack shit now.
play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
|
nta - as someone who owns acreage myself , these are not nice neighbors and never have been. they have disrespected your property since day one.
that is not their road and they didn’t pay for it.
they did not purchase the field from you to use as they please and they don’t pay to maintain that field.
you absolutely did the right thing by building the fence. do not remove it.
the next time a neighbor complains , tell them they can build their own road on their own land and buy more acreage to park on. if you haven’t already ,build a fence bordering your properties , get a document from your county appraisal district with property lines clearly shown for your neighbor and put it in their mailbox.
if issues continue- call your local sherif on them for trespassing.
they sound like city folk trying to be country. it’s incredibly expensive and time consuming to maintain acreage and they apparently are unaware of that. i’m from texas and you never trespass on someone else’s land. none of this would have happened a second time had it been our property.
stand up for your right as a landowner and don’t let them walk all over you- literally.
|
this isn't real.
i can't grasp how this works physically.
how does your driveway, that goes from your house to a main road result in a shortcut for neighbors when you're on a property so spacious that you don't even notice encroaching development?
there's no physically reasonable way that this is true.
the stone fence is kind of the illogical icing on the cake. you have a *huge* property, and you put up a masonry fence?! not fuckin likely.
|
i’m going to say you’re a troll that didn’t agree with the earlier post about someone using the footpaths on someone else’s property and have changed just enough details to get the answer you want. must be sad life you lead.
|
i think reddit requires a ms paint sketch of the properties and the road draw on it so we can all see what is happening
|
nta. that’s private property people have begun treating like public property, it won’t be long before they are completely trashing shit. i say good on you for nipping it in the bud!
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surounding it. when i bought my property 5 years ago i basically lived at least 5 minutes away from the nearest house, however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property. i was fine with it, nothing i could do about it to begin with, but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with, or so i assumed. it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road. well soon after people started moving in to the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football, i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me. untill a few months later that was, basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area. i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself. i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular, as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property. well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut, i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose. however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surounding it. when i bought my property 5 years ago i basically lived at least 5 minutes away from the nearest house, however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property. i was fine with it, nothing i could do about it to begin with, but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with, or so i assumed. it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road. well soon after people started moving in to the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football, i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me. untill a few months later that was, basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area. i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself. i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular, as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property. well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut, i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose. however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted. [/INST] nta. your property, your rules. also, if you didn't do this, you could potentially have ended up giving them a right-of-way easement without realizing it depending on your local laws. don't budge. leave the fence. maybe they'll think in the future about asking permission in the future instead of forgiveness. </s>
|
AITA for being completely honest to my biological parents about how my childhood was really awful?
|
i was given up for adoption right after i was born.
unfortunately my adoption didn't work out and i grew up in foster care until i turned 18.
i'm now 19 and in college.
in february, i got a facebook message from a man claiming to be my father. we messaged back and forth and while i kept a lot of my childhood details private, we did make plans to meet him and my mother. they weren't married to each other by the way.
when i got to the restaurant, i was very shocked and honestly upset to find my father and mother had brought their spouses, as well as their children to surprise me. my father's mother, so my grandmother was also there.
i was already feeling very emotional about the whole thing and seeing everyone there didn't help.
so i sat through an hour of listening to them sharing all about their lives while i fake smiled through everything. honestly, i felt very jealous that they had kids they really loved and how they all had really happy lives after ditching me.
then they started asking about me and my parents, and how my facebook gave very little away about my life.
i basically lost it and started crying like a little bitch (lol) and told them how shitty my adoptive parents were and how shitty foster life was.
i was pretty snarky and sarcastic when i said that i'm glad their lives worked out for them because mine sure as hell didn't.
i couldn't stop crying and my father had to drop me back home. he was very apologetic.
i feel very shitty about it. i made my mother and father cry at the restaurant. they were really nice people.
i got a few messages from my mother and father separately where they've been apologizing and if they could make it up to me.
my mother in particular seems really upset by everything and i hate that i may have messed up her happy life. her last message basically said that she's been unable to sleep and wants to see me again.
i've been ignoring their messages and just been focusing on school instead.
aita? maybe i should've been more honest before the meetup.
| 24,983 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqxhqc/aita_for_being_completely_honest_to_my_biological/
|
2020-11-09 13:22:09
|
nah. you have a right to your life. and they have probably spent the last 19 years clinging to the idea that you had a better life then they could give you - being hit by the reality that their happiness now is built the opportunities they had by condemning you to misery has probably hurt them quite a bit, but thats not your fault.
|
>when i got to the restaurant, i was very shocked and honestly upset to find my father and mother had brought their spouses, as well as their children to surprise me. my father's mother, so my grandmother was also there.
nta. bringing their families with them must have felt like a kick on the teeth because it was a glimpse of something you never had. it was too much to soon. i can completely understand why this was overwhelming.
|
hey, i hope you’re alright. this sounds massively complex and as if there is a lot of trauma.
i don’t think this is a case for this sub, please reach out to a friend, maybe your uni campus has a psychologist you could speak to?
wishing you all the best, an internet stranger.
|
nta!!! you were completely blindsided and i don’t understand how your birth givers couldn’t foresee that being an overwhelming and totally inappropriate thing to spring on a child they fucking abandoned.
glad they were apologetic about it. before you reach back out, consider what you want from your relationship with them, and how seeing them makes you feel. it might be best to talk one on one only for awhile, or maybe to even write to each other.
you get to choose how you make your own family and at what pace
|
your birth parents made a mistake by surprising you with their extended families. you were rightfully upset by this. it doesn't sound like they did it maliciously and they have both apologized for it. your feelings of resentment and abandonment are absolutely valid. you were right to be honest with them about your childhood and your feelings towards them.
there are nah.
|
nah
the truth was harsh regardless of how you put it. plus, it was bound to come up if you tried to continue a conversation with them.
they had their reasons for giving you up and that doesn’t make them an ah, nor does it invalidate your feelings
|
nta. it’s possible that there are no assholes here, but even very nice people that are so stupidly unaware of how blitzing you with the bio family you never knew might backfire absolutely deserve to be made uncomfortable.
if you want to try again under better controlled circumstances (maybe one parent at a time), great! if you don’t, great! you are under no obligation to make them feel comfortable with the choices that they’ve made.
i second what others have said here - please make sure to take care of yourself and find support. no doubt there are plenty (too many) people who have experienced a difficult upbringing and found their place in the world.
|
nta
you were ambushed.
they created a cosy world for you on their head, assuming that trying to give you a better life by giving you up as a baby you had a hallmark movies life. it never occurred to them that it would be otherwise. the meeting was to assuage their guilt and not really about you.
don't feel guilty. if they had the sensitivity of a brick they would have met you 1 on 1 or 2 on 1 and found out about your life before talking about their great family and flaunting it before you.
put yourself first. nurture yourself. do school so you can support your self.
have you seen how many times i puy 'yourself' in that paragraph? you have to be your number 1 because you cannot rely on anyone else yet.
leave the door open to these people but let them know that you can't deal with them today or next week. send them an xmas card each year till you are ready if you want. but have no regrets about telling your truth. don't let the manipulate you into soft soaping your experiences to make then feel better.
|
nah.
you would never have been able to move on and potentially pursue a relationship with these individuals without airing the shit first. it is hard. i can share some level of empathy because my partner didn't have one of their parents in their life for a long while and my partner had a few of these conversations with the parent when we got back in touch recently.
from my experience there are a few things you need to figure out and accept.
1. do you wan't to try and have a relationship with these people?
2. set clear and hard boundaries. for example be clear you want to meet them without the whole family.
3. understand the grandparents may see things very differently and just want a relationship with you and have always wanted a relationship with you. putting you up for adoption was unlikely to be their decision.
4. understand you will never have the childhood your half siblings have. also understand that you entering your half siblings lives may be a stressor for them. they haven't have it as hard as you but what one person thinks is hard is relative to their previous experiences so try and cut them some slack if they ever lash out at you appearing in their lives.
5. linked to the previous, accept that you will never have that childhood. whether you chose to pursue a relationship or not that childhood is gone. thats the hand you were dealt and it sucks and they are sorry but it cannot be changed. if you will resent them indefinitely for that then you will never be able to foster a relationship. the cards you have just been dealt are those that would allow you access to two new families and to be a child to your biological parents even if you are a bit late to the party.
6. therapy. the first thing they can do to make up for everything and if they want a relationship is to pay for councelling. you have been through some shit and this is the best place to start. solo therapy is probably for the best to begin with. group therapy may be helpful int he future to make sure they understand.
7. the first meeting is always the hardest. the fact they are messaging you apologising shows that they aren't angry they are just sorry. i appreciate that with where you have been it must be hard to trust people or let them in but give them a shot.
|
nta, to begin with they shouldn't have brought their families. then they went on to say how great their lives were. tbh just reading it feels like a slap in the face.
that's not to say that you should stay away from them though, but that's completely your choice. if they don't like it, all i can say is that it's their fault for overwhelming you at the meetup.
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| 0.012269 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was given up for adoption right after i was born. unfortunately my adoption didn't work out and i grew up in foster care until i turned 18. i'm now 19 and in college. in february, i got a facebook message from a man claiming to be my father. we messaged back and forth and while i kept a lot of my childhood details private, we did make plans to meet him and my mother. they weren't married to each other by the way. when i got to the restaurant, i was very shocked and honestly upset to find my father and mother had brought their spouses, as well as their children to surprise me. my father's mother, so my grandmother was also there. i was already feeling very emotional about the whole thing and seeing everyone there didn't help. so i sat through an hour of listening to them sharing all about their lives while i fake smiled through everything. honestly, i felt very jealous that they had kids they really loved and how they all had really happy lives after ditching me. then they started asking about me and my parents, and how my facebook gave very little away about my life. i basically lost it and started crying like a little bitch (lol) and told them how shitty my adoptive parents were and how shitty foster life was. i was pretty snarky and sarcastic when i said that i'm glad their lives worked out for them because mine sure as hell didn't. i couldn't stop crying and my father had to drop me back home. he was very apologetic. i feel very shitty about it. i made my mother and father cry at the restaurant. they were really nice people. i got a few messages from my mother and father separately where they've been apologizing and if they could make it up to me. my mother in particular seems really upset by everything and i hate that i may have messed up her happy life. her last message basically said that she's been unable to sleep and wants to see me again. i've been ignoring their messages and just been focusing on school instead. aita? maybe i should've been more honest before the meetup.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was given up for adoption right after i was born. unfortunately my adoption didn't work out and i grew up in foster care until i turned 18. i'm now 19 and in college. in february, i got a facebook message from a man claiming to be my father. we messaged back and forth and while i kept a lot of my childhood details private, we did make plans to meet him and my mother. they weren't married to each other by the way. when i got to the restaurant, i was very shocked and honestly upset to find my father and mother had brought their spouses, as well as their children to surprise me. my father's mother, so my grandmother was also there. i was already feeling very emotional about the whole thing and seeing everyone there didn't help. so i sat through an hour of listening to them sharing all about their lives while i fake smiled through everything. honestly, i felt very jealous that they had kids they really loved and how they all had really happy lives after ditching me. then they started asking about me and my parents, and how my facebook gave very little away about my life. i basically lost it and started crying like a little bitch (lol) and told them how shitty my adoptive parents were and how shitty foster life was. i was pretty snarky and sarcastic when i said that i'm glad their lives worked out for them because mine sure as hell didn't. i couldn't stop crying and my father had to drop me back home. he was very apologetic. i feel very shitty about it. i made my mother and father cry at the restaurant. they were really nice people. i got a few messages from my mother and father separately where they've been apologizing and if they could make it up to me. my mother in particular seems really upset by everything and i hate that i may have messed up her happy life. her last message basically said that she's been unable to sleep and wants to see me again. i've been ignoring their messages and just been focusing on school instead. aita? maybe i should've been more honest before the meetup. [/INST] nah. you have a right to your life. and they have probably spent the last 19 years clinging to the idea that you had a better life then they could give you - being hit by the reality that their happiness now is built the opportunities they had by condemning you to misery has probably hurt them quite a bit, but thats not your fault. </s>
|
AITA for telling my husband he should be ashamed of himself and he would be incredibly lucky if his oldest daughter ever speaks to him again?
|
i married my husband 3 years ago. he was divorced, and previously widowered. he has two daughters. annie who is now 26 (i believe) from his first marriage and amy who is 17 from his second. my husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried and annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. he was also honest that annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with amy or him after she turned 18.
what he did not tell me was the major role he played in all of this. i found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family.
the story as i now know it. when amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. my husband gave the necklace to amy, which upset annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her. my husband told annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because amy was entitled to have something too. annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. my husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. that she was being selfish. his ex wife told her that her mother would want "someone as special as your sister" to have a piece of her as well. annie never got over it. she tried to take it from amy and was punished. the last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to fucking hell.
amy still has the necklace too. she has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her.
i was shocked. i never would have expected my husband to be that way. he was very unapologetic about it and told me annie would have to get over it some day. i told him he should be ashamed of himself. that he should have allowed annie's mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as she chose, that amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but annie would have. i told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and i would not blame her if she never did.
he was furious i judged him. his family said i should take my husbands side over his daughter who i don't even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing).
aita?
| 24,979 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vbzs2z/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_should_be_ashamed/
|
2022-06-14 09:43:24
|
nta. your husband doesn't understand it :(
he likely lost annie forever: her love and respect, and his place as her father in her heart.
it was not the necklace itself, but the meaning of the necklace: love, respect, care, her mom's memory.
|
nta but your husband certainly is. amy most certainly was not entitled to her stepsister's dead mother's jewellery.
you are married to an a grade ah.
|
nta
losing a parent at a young age is bad enough and not having your remaining parent respect your boundaries when it comes to items of the deceased parent is just terrible. op did nothing wrong and spoke the truth to her husband. he has no one to blame but himself that he doesn’t have a relationship with his eldest daughter. to gild the lily, he then chose to bring his family into the argument with you which is never good.
|
nta: the necklace was likely just the big flashpoint, there's a lot more to the story that you might never know. it's likely that annie was not given what she needed emotionally after her mother's death. how long after the death of annie:s mom, did your husband marry his second wife?
|
nta they don’t sound they have morals. omg who in their right mind takes their child’s inheritance and give it to another just like that and acts that the did something wrong. i feel this is a red flag 🚩
|
i hope you don’t have kids, that’ll make the inevitable divorce a lot trickier.
|
nta. geez, what would he do with your things? do you have children?
|
nta for all the reasons you mention. how callous of your husband and his family to do such a thing. they knowing kept that vital piece of information away from you bc they all knew they were the ahs.
|
nta
i would consider reevaluating your relationship. it shows that your husband is not a good father and that’s a major red flag. he, his second wife, and daughter collectively created this persona that annie was this monster. it also show he was probably dismissive of annie, i mean what kind of person gives a necklace of his deceased wife to someone other than her daughter. the mother of amy is no better, i think this shows you the lack of sentiment he has and highlights some repulsive qualities. i couldn’t fathom being married to a man like that. and the fact he has no problem with no contact with one of his daughters shows he doesn’t care. thank god you don’t have kids with him and please don’t ever. he obviously doesn’t know how to raise them. and his family is just like him. i hope you reach out to annie, am i know this is petty but somehow steal the necklace and give it to her. i just can’t imagine how painful that situation must’ve been to her. she needs someone to look out for her. hopefully you leave this guy and can build a relationship with annie
|
nta
this is horrible advice and you should ignore me, but if amy let the necklace get into a bad way, does that mean she doesn't take care of it and her 'losing' it would be believable?
because that would be a huge shame.
and those cousins being able to secretly get it back to annie would also be absolutely terrible.
but i have no idea of the legal ramifications that could come from such a terrible sequence of events.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i married my husband 3 years ago. he was divorced, and previously widowered. he has two daughters. annie who is now 26 (i believe) from his first marriage and amy who is 17 from his second. my husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried and annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. he was also honest that annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with amy or him after she turned 18. what he did not tell me was the major role he played in all of this. i found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family. the story as i now know it. when amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. my husband gave the necklace to amy, which upset annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her. my husband told annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because amy was entitled to have something too. annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. my husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. that she was being selfish. his ex wife told her that her mother would want "someone as special as your sister" to have a piece of her as well. annie never got over it. she tried to take it from amy and was punished. the last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to fucking hell. amy still has the necklace too. she has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her. i was shocked. i never would have expected my husband to be that way. he was very unapologetic about it and told me annie would have to get over it some day. i told him he should be ashamed of himself. that he should have allowed annie's mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as she chose, that amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but annie would have. i told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and i would not blame her if she never did. he was furious i judged him. his family said i should take my husbands side over his daughter who i don't even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing). aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i married my husband 3 years ago. he was divorced, and previously widowered. he has two daughters. annie who is now 26 (i believe) from his first marriage and amy who is 17 from his second. my husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried and annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. he was also honest that annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with amy or him after she turned 18. what he did not tell me was the major role he played in all of this. i found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family. the story as i now know it. when amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. my husband gave the necklace to amy, which upset annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her. my husband told annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because amy was entitled to have something too. annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. my husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. that she was being selfish. his ex wife told her that her mother would want "someone as special as your sister" to have a piece of her as well. annie never got over it. she tried to take it from amy and was punished. the last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to fucking hell. amy still has the necklace too. she has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her. i was shocked. i never would have expected my husband to be that way. he was very unapologetic about it and told me annie would have to get over it some day. i told him he should be ashamed of himself. that he should have allowed annie's mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as she chose, that amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but annie would have. i told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and i would not blame her if she never did. he was furious i judged him. his family said i should take my husbands side over his daughter who i don't even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing). aita? [/INST] nta. your husband doesn't understand it :( he likely lost annie forever: her love and respect, and his place as her father in her heart. it was not the necklace itself, but the meaning of the necklace: love, respect, care, her mom's memory. </s>
|
AITA for making my chronically late friend miss her seminar?
|
my friend [25f] is constantly late for everything. be it work-related or fun activities, she will always be at least 15-20 minute late. she does not have a car, and so oftentimes i [25m] will pick her up from her house (i work at a university and she is a phd student there, and her place is along the way for me).
last time i offered her a ride to work, she ended up being 20 minutes late after i've already arrived at her place. because of that, i ended up being late for work. she is always very apologetic about her lateness, but never changes.
this week she was supposed to give a seminar at the university which is a crucial part of her phd program. she asked me if i could give her a ride to work that day. i told her sure, but that i was picking her up at 8 am and she must be there exactly at 8 am, and not a minute later. she chuckled, but i told her i wasn't joking, and she promised that she will be there.
the morning of her seminar, i drove to her place and got there at 7:55, and texted her that i was here, and she told me should would be out in "just a minute". at 8:00, there was no indication that she would come out (and she didn't text anything), so at 8:01, i drove off.
at around 8:20, she called me asking me where i was. i told her i was at work and that i wasn't joking when i told her that she had to be ready right that minute. she started screaming and crying over the phone, and told me that she was having a hard time that morning couldn't be ready right at 8 am. she then begged me to come back to pick up her, as her seminar is at 9 am and she needed to be at the school before then. i could've done it quick enough to pick her up and drop her off without affecting my work, but i decided i didn't want to do that, and told her that i won't.
she was crying and hyperventilating at that point and said she'd promise to never be late for anything else again, and reemphasized that this seminar was crucial for her phd and that she absolutely cannot miss it without severe consequence. i responded "oh well", and hung up. i then went about my day at work normally.
i feel like could've went back and picked her up in this scenario since it wouldn't have been detrimental to me and at the same time this was something very important for her. on the other hand, i feel like this should be a wake-up call for her chronic lateness.
| 24,971 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xhmshd/aita_for_making_my_chronically_late_friend_miss/
|
2022-09-18 17:33:04
|
nta. you warned her. she also had 40 minutes to make other arrangements even after all her procrastination
could you have been kinder? yes.
could you have reminded her about your time restrictions? yes
could you have given her a “final notice” with an “i’m going to drive away at 8:00”. yes
is it rude af to be continuously late? hell yes
is she an adult? yes
is it your problem to manage her time? no
still nta
|
when you said you left at 8:01 i was thinking ah, but when she didn't call you until 8:20 i laughed and thought oh no definitely nta. your friend needs to learn that punctuality in the professional world is important. also her chronic lateness should not be affecting you getting to work on time.
|
nta. why didn’t she just call an uber or taxi? if it was that important, she had other options available to her.
|
nta. i had a friend like this. i was left at the movies, restaurants, train stations - she was never ever on time, always apologetic, etc. etc.
finally i just started leaving after 15 minutes (which even that seemed like a long time when you're waiting at a restaurant). i was also told after i left the first time *"i'll never be late again, i promise*". but she was. and then the friendship faded away. which was ok by me, my stomach was always in knots and i was always frustrated and angry by the time she showed up that i finally realized i wasn't enjoying myself.
clearly your friend showed up at 8:20 and expected you to idly wait for her like her chauffeur. it is so disrespectful of your time. frankly, i'd be ok with not having this "friend".
|
nta, and i will die on this hill. chronically late people drive me absolutely insane. it’s inconsiderate as fuck, and when you finally put your foot down and have boundaries, you are the asshole instead of them. nope.
|
nta. i mean, i feel for her missing such an important event. but hey … if it was that important she should have been ready early, not just on time. and her “minute” was actually 20. you could have picked a less painful time to do this but i honestly think it would have continued until you ended up doing this at another crucial event for her.
|
nta.
if someone's a phd candidate, that person is capable of setting an alarm, and should know the importance of time management. it's not as if you didn't warn her.
|
nta- welcome to your new shiny spine.
personally, i hate mornings. they can all die in a fire. my body hurts, my brain is in a fog. i can’t think. it sucks. you know what sucks worse? being fired for constant tardiness.
your friend needs to figure her shit out. at 25 this is a major adulting/survival skill she is missing and you are not doing her any favors by driving her. you are just going to get yourself in trouble by being distracted by her.
|
if the phd was really that important to her, she should have been ready on time. nta
|
nta. apologies don't mean anything if they don't actually put in the work to making amends. your friend performatively apologizes and then doesn't put in any work to change her lateness, even though it negatively affected you.
you did communicate with her that you were going to leave, she laughed at you. she then had the audacity to call you up at 8:20 to ask where you were? you need to see that she lied to you, and didn't come down for 19 minutes. that's very inconsiderate of your time.
she was the one who was late, if she had ordered a car to come and get her that person more than likely would have left as well or given her a late charge. it is not your responsibility to take her disrespect. but you should stop offering rides to her if you actually want to stay friends with her. because of her being late and inconsiderate is only a problem when she knows she has you ather beck and call, stop being at her beck and call
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friend [25f] is constantly late for everything. be it work-related or fun activities, she will always be at least 15-20 minute late. she does not have a car, and so oftentimes i [25m] will pick her up from her house (i work at a university and she is a phd student there, and her place is along the way for me). last time i offered her a ride to work, she ended up being 20 minutes late after i've already arrived at her place. because of that, i ended up being late for work. she is always very apologetic about her lateness, but never changes. this week she was supposed to give a seminar at the university which is a crucial part of her phd program. she asked me if i could give her a ride to work that day. i told her sure, but that i was picking her up at 8 am and she must be there exactly at 8 am, and not a minute later. she chuckled, but i told her i wasn't joking, and she promised that she will be there. the morning of her seminar, i drove to her place and got there at 7:55, and texted her that i was here, and she told me should would be out in "just a minute". at 8:00, there was no indication that she would come out (and she didn't text anything), so at 8:01, i drove off. at around 8:20, she called me asking me where i was. i told her i was at work and that i wasn't joking when i told her that she had to be ready right that minute. she started screaming and crying over the phone, and told me that she was having a hard time that morning couldn't be ready right at 8 am. she then begged me to come back to pick up her, as her seminar is at 9 am and she needed to be at the school before then. i could've done it quick enough to pick her up and drop her off without affecting my work, but i decided i didn't want to do that, and told her that i won't. she was crying and hyperventilating at that point and said she'd promise to never be late for anything else again, and reemphasized that this seminar was crucial for her phd and that she absolutely cannot miss it without severe consequence. i responded "oh well", and hung up. i then went about my day at work normally. i feel like could've went back and picked her up in this scenario since it wouldn't have been detrimental to me and at the same time this was something very important for her. on the other hand, i feel like this should be a wake-up call for her chronic lateness.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my friend [25f] is constantly late for everything. be it work-related or fun activities, she will always be at least 15-20 minute late. she does not have a car, and so oftentimes i [25m] will pick her up from her house (i work at a university and she is a phd student there, and her place is along the way for me). last time i offered her a ride to work, she ended up being 20 minutes late after i've already arrived at her place. because of that, i ended up being late for work. she is always very apologetic about her lateness, but never changes. this week she was supposed to give a seminar at the university which is a crucial part of her phd program. she asked me if i could give her a ride to work that day. i told her sure, but that i was picking her up at 8 am and she must be there exactly at 8 am, and not a minute later. she chuckled, but i told her i wasn't joking, and she promised that she will be there. the morning of her seminar, i drove to her place and got there at 7:55, and texted her that i was here, and she told me should would be out in "just a minute". at 8:00, there was no indication that she would come out (and she didn't text anything), so at 8:01, i drove off. at around 8:20, she called me asking me where i was. i told her i was at work and that i wasn't joking when i told her that she had to be ready right that minute. she started screaming and crying over the phone, and told me that she was having a hard time that morning couldn't be ready right at 8 am. she then begged me to come back to pick up her, as her seminar is at 9 am and she needed to be at the school before then. i could've done it quick enough to pick her up and drop her off without affecting my work, but i decided i didn't want to do that, and told her that i won't. she was crying and hyperventilating at that point and said she'd promise to never be late for anything else again, and reemphasized that this seminar was crucial for her phd and that she absolutely cannot miss it without severe consequence. i responded "oh well", and hung up. i then went about my day at work normally. i feel like could've went back and picked her up in this scenario since it wouldn't have been detrimental to me and at the same time this was something very important for her. on the other hand, i feel like this should be a wake-up call for her chronic lateness. [/INST] nta. you warned her. she also had 40 minutes to make other arrangements even after all her procrastination could you have been kinder? yes. could you have reminded her about your time restrictions? yes could you have given her a “final notice” with an “i’m going to drive away at 8:00”. yes is it rude af to be continuously late? hell yes is she an adult? yes is it your problem to manage her time? no still nta </s>
|
AITA for my sister ending her pregnancy and possibly her marriage?
|
i (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). note the age differences. our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in wisconsin).
our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative. my dad personally, was not. by the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. me and my sister have master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances.
my mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. this didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. my brother’s families are both in town as well. i worked in tech in china then and live in sf now and since the funeral have been mostly lc with everyone except my sister. honestly, i was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. so, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house.
my sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. she married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. i honestly was in shock at the wedding. i really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. i knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. later i found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband.
late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. i of course, love this. early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. i immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. in short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped. my oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. the first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. this was fairly common.
this is where iata: i basically yelled at her too. i told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and i can help her move back to nyc (where she worked / studied before). and that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options.
the next day she asked me for 5k which i sent to her without asking. i didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table.
now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of shit. i’ve in general called them shit back as well and the home might be on the market soon. my sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but i’m happy my sister is better. so aita?
| 24,971 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r7vlhu/aita_for_my_sister_ending_her_pregnancy_and/
|
2021-12-03 09:47:50
|
nta.
two words: abusive husband.
you did her a favor.
|
you're nta for helping your sister get out of an abusive relationship. you probably saved her life, especially since he is now stalking her in nyc.
|
nta. i would probably kick your mom and oldest brother out of your house
for how they treated your sister.
|
oh my goodness, nta! you saved your sister's life and i'm so sorry that you have to deal with a family like that!
listen, i'm sorry to say this, but you have to distance yourself away from your mother and brothers. go full nc. they obviously don't care about the wellbeing of their own and your brother is possibly being harmful towards his wife in some way, just to guess.
they will probably try to harrass your sister. guilt her,blame her, make her feel like she is the epitome of the worst thing, because she didn't go and fit into their old fashioned views of a woman getting married, having babies, and being the picture of a domestic housewife who lets the men make all of the decisions, while she sits back in the background and looks pretty.
|
nta and what the hell is this “wife went through the same thing”? did your brother just confess to being abusive?
your brothers and mother didn’t lift a finger to help your abused sister. do you really care what they think of you?
|
nta. your sister was in an abusive marriage and you were the only one who didn't tell her to suck it up. you gave her the means to get out and change her life and that makes you the hero! good for you and for your sister for knowing her worth.
|
nta. you are the only one that cared for her welfare, the others just cared about their own wants (she’s close to home/ easy to control or manipulate/ the “you need to give me a grand baby stage” etc) .
your brother also sounds abusive (saying his wife complained about the same thing and your sister isn’t special).
good on you for helping her, the rest of your selfish family would have left her in that marriage to become another statistic.
|
many years ago, i was in trouble, and turned to my big brother to help. no questions asked, he was there for me 100%... financially, emotionally, and privately. he kept our secret until the day he died. he was forever my hero, and i miss him, every day.
bless you for your kindness. she'll never forget, i promise ❤️
|
nta - you did the right thing. clearly you telling her that she could survive on her own was the motivation that she needed. knowing someone was finally in her corner helped her. your family is a bunch if ah’s for allowing an abusive relationship to go on and not do anything about it.
|
nta! props to you for helping your sister! you've helped her out from an abusive situation.
>a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table.
that's wonderful. she longer has to put up with any of that crap (atleast not as much) and move on. also shame on your family for basically wanting her to be with a horrid person and screw up her life, just to save face.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). note the age differences. our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in wisconsin). our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative. my dad personally, was not. by the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. me and my sister have master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances. my mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. this didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. my brother’s families are both in town as well. i worked in tech in china then and live in sf now and since the funeral have been mostly lc with everyone except my sister. honestly, i was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. so, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house. my sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. she married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. i honestly was in shock at the wedding. i really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. i knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. later i found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband. late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. i of course, love this. early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. i immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. in short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped. my oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. the first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. this was fairly common. this is where iata: i basically yelled at her too. i told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and i can help her move back to nyc (where she worked / studied before). and that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options. the next day she asked me for 5k which i sent to her without asking. i didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table. now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of shit. i’ve in general called them shit back as well and the home might be on the market soon. my sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but i’m happy my sister is better. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). note the age differences. our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in wisconsin). our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative. my dad personally, was not. by the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. me and my sister have master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances. my mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. this didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. my brother’s families are both in town as well. i worked in tech in china then and live in sf now and since the funeral have been mostly lc with everyone except my sister. honestly, i was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. so, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house. my sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. she married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. i honestly was in shock at the wedding. i really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. i knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. later i found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband. late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. i of course, love this. early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. i immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. in short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped. my oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. the first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. this was fairly common. this is where iata: i basically yelled at her too. i told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and i can help her move back to nyc (where she worked / studied before). and that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options. the next day she asked me for 5k which i sent to her without asking. i didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table. now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of shit. i’ve in general called them shit back as well and the home might be on the market soon. my sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but i’m happy my sister is better. so aita? [/INST] nta. two words: abusive husband. you did her a favor. </s>
|
AITA for kicking girlfriend out after she deleted dead wife’s pictures from my phone?
|
my (25m) wife died 19 months ago. it was real hard on my the first few months but finally started putting myself back out there. i met girlfriend (23f) 7 months ago. it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around 4ish months ago. in hindsight we probably rushed this.
my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she’s been hurt in the past. i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind. she saw a photo of me and wife and asked who she was and i explained. she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it.
fast forward 3 days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom. i come out to see my phone unlocked. weird but i let it slide. later in that day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook. all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace. i check my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together. i knew it was my girlfriend.
i confronted her about it and she started yelling. she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now. she also called me really creepy for “having nude pictures of a dead girl”. (granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn’t want to because they were special to me, might be ah on my part there). i was livid. i told her to get out. she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again. she packed some stuff and left. i went to my room and cried. i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the ah. this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95% of the pictures of my wife. i still have some printed like the wedding and some vacations, but i’m still missing a big chunk of them. i feel like she deleted a part of me as well. i’ve had to block multiple numbers (including my sisters, wtf). i do miss her though and want to talk but i’m confused. reddit, am i in the wrong?
| 24,955 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hy04og/aita_for_kicking_girlfriend_out_after_she_deleted/
|
2020-07-26 03:51:08
|
nta.
don't let her back in your life, she needs therapy for her issues.
|
nta.
who the fuck thinks it’s ok to delete someone else’s photos. doesn’t matter what it is. but especially photos of their precious spouse who passed away. those photos being there so not hurt her in anyway. i’m sorry this happened. are you able to retrieve some kind of backup? try posting in a subreddit able to help. i’ve seen miracles happen for people who have lost special photos.
**
|
nta - you handled this situation far better than i would have. she deserved to be kicked to the curb for that.
can you go to any it place and see if they can recover the photos?
|
nta-this chick is nuts, block her everywhere and change your locks
|
[removed]
|
nta. those were your private photos of your deceased spouse and i am so sorry. that bunny boiler had no excuse to permanently delete what a) did not belong to her and b) you can never get back. she's clearly an immature psycho. get well rid of her.
|
nta. she's jealous of your late wife. as in the one person you can literally never ever cheat on her with. she completely ruined memories that you cannot get back due to her own insecurities and need to control you and didn't even apologize.
|
nta - take your phone to a data recovery place asap and try not to take many new photos until you do! there’s a good chance they can get the photos back
|
nta - don't let her manipulate you - those were your memories to hold onto.
|
nta. i’m so sorry you lost not only your wife, but so many pictures of her. i get how your girlfriend feels - living in the shadow of a spouse who has passed can be very difficult - but she took a permanent, irrevocable step as the only step. instead of asking you to keep the pictures on a flash drive, or make some other compromise where they were somewhere safe but weren’t on your phone, your girlfriend made a choice for you that can be incredibly damaging, and will likely mean more grieving.
while kicking her out is also a pretty drastic step, it’s understandable and at least undoable if you end up changing your mind. whether or not you do should be entirely up to you.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (25m) wife died 19 months ago. it was real hard on my the first few months but finally started putting myself back out there. i met girlfriend (23f) 7 months ago. it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around 4ish months ago. in hindsight we probably rushed this. my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she’s been hurt in the past. i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind. she saw a photo of me and wife and asked who she was and i explained. she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it. fast forward 3 days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom. i come out to see my phone unlocked. weird but i let it slide. later in that day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook. all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace. i check my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together. i knew it was my girlfriend. i confronted her about it and she started yelling. she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now. she also called me really creepy for “having nude pictures of a dead girl”. (granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn’t want to because they were special to me, might be ah on my part there). i was livid. i told her to get out. she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again. she packed some stuff and left. i went to my room and cried. i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the ah. this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95% of the pictures of my wife. i still have some printed like the wedding and some vacations, but i’m still missing a big chunk of them. i feel like she deleted a part of me as well. i’ve had to block multiple numbers (including my sisters, wtf). i do miss her though and want to talk but i’m confused. reddit, am i in the wrong?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (25m) wife died 19 months ago. it was real hard on my the first few months but finally started putting myself back out there. i met girlfriend (23f) 7 months ago. it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around 4ish months ago. in hindsight we probably rushed this. my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she’s been hurt in the past. i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind. she saw a photo of me and wife and asked who she was and i explained. she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it. fast forward 3 days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom. i come out to see my phone unlocked. weird but i let it slide. later in that day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook. all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace. i check my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together. i knew it was my girlfriend. i confronted her about it and she started yelling. she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now. she also called me really creepy for “having nude pictures of a dead girl”. (granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn’t want to because they were special to me, might be ah on my part there). i was livid. i told her to get out. she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again. she packed some stuff and left. i went to my room and cried. i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the ah. this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95% of the pictures of my wife. i still have some printed like the wedding and some vacations, but i’m still missing a big chunk of them. i feel like she deleted a part of me as well. i’ve had to block multiple numbers (including my sisters, wtf). i do miss her though and want to talk but i’m confused. reddit, am i in the wrong? [/INST] nta. don't let her back in your life, she needs therapy for her issues. </s>
|
AITA for leaving a family gathering because my family made me sit at the kid table?
|
for context: i haven't seen my full family together in quite some time, so they set up a get together at a park today. the family gathering includes me (22m), my brother (21), my sister (25), her husband (29) and their two kids, my dad, step-mom and her kids (6 and 9) aunt, uncle, my two cousins (15 and 20), grandma, and grandpa.
i get there with some picnic items (i brought a quiche and the cups) and see a few members setting up. i say hi and help set up the tables and set the food out. we talk and play games while the others show up. when everyone gets there, we sit down to eat. i sit next to my dad and get a weird look from my aunt as she says to me, "this is the adult's table." to which i reply, "i am an adult(?)." she tells me that the 1st and 2nd generations are considered adult and the 3rd and 4th generations should sit at the kid's table since we "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations." i tell her that i can drink, that i drove here, that i pay rent and have a job, so how am i still considered a child? she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table.
according to my aunt, there are 8 children (ages 6-22) and 8 adults (ages 25-75) so i should just sit at the kid's table since it'll be even, but there is plenty of space at the adult table and i don't want to be stuck with 5 literal children. she still disagrees and at this point my uncle and grandparents back her up, so i say fuck it, take my quiche back, tell them to have a nice day, and drive away. i get a few texts telling me to come back by my dad and grandparents. i ask if aunt is going to apologize and they ask "for what?" that was enough for me to disregard their other messages and calls until i got home, where i am now.
i feel shitty that i may have possibly ruined a nice family gathering, but feel my family doesn't respect me at all, enough to say that i am still a child and apparently have the same mentality as 6 year olds. aita?
| 24,954 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p2n3hq/aita_for_leaving_a_family_gathering_because_my/
|
2021-08-11 21:54:22
|
nta - i love you took your quiche with you too.
|
nta.
>don't act dumb and then get mad when people find out.
ew though, your aunt is totally an asshole. they probably want you at the kids table to play babysitter. i would have left too tbh.
|
nta, and your aunt owes you an apology. she seems to think that people aren't adults until they . . . what? get married and have kids? as an unmarried, childless person in my late 40s i find that exceptionally and genuinely amusing, and even sort of appreciate that she apparently thinks i'm a kid, but also, she's objectively completely wrong. you are an adult not only legally, but by any reasonable standard (except maybe that your prefrontal cortex still has a little growing to do, but that's whether you're married and have kids or not, so still defeats her argument).
you are nta, but your aunt is petty and your uncle and grandparents aren't any better. i'm sure they would have been furious if someone had treated them that way at 22.
|
nta
they wanted you to play babysitter
|
nta.
you were just saving the seat at the kids table for your aunt since that where she seems to belong.
|
nta
>she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table.
i can't have children so would i never be regarded as an adult? i'm old enough to both drive a car and then get arrested for it because i can't drive.
|
nta -- children cannot go to the store and cook a quiche.
sounds like your aunt doesn't have much to contribute to the adult conversation either.
|
nta. aunt is an asshole for drawing that kind of line for no purpose. i would have no issue sitting at kid's table (29m with no children) because i love my nieces and nephew and don't see them enough but you're absolutely in the right to be offended by your aunt remark. forcing that line is just plain asshole behavior.
anyone pushing arbitrary rule is in my book an asshole. let people live and stop trying to control people's life.
|
22 is not a child and saying someone that age has nothing to contribute to a conversation is just rude. nta and good for you for standing up for yourself. what are they talking about that's so important that you wont be able to chime in?
|
nta, though i'm not sure why you'd even want to sit at a table with a bunch of assholes who think you have nothing to contribute to a conversation unless you have kids.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context: i haven't seen my full family together in quite some time, so they set up a get together at a park today. the family gathering includes me (22m), my brother (21), my sister (25), her husband (29) and their two kids, my dad, step-mom and her kids (6 and 9) aunt, uncle, my two cousins (15 and 20), grandma, and grandpa. i get there with some picnic items (i brought a quiche and the cups) and see a few members setting up. i say hi and help set up the tables and set the food out. we talk and play games while the others show up. when everyone gets there, we sit down to eat. i sit next to my dad and get a weird look from my aunt as she says to me, "this is the adult's table." to which i reply, "i am an adult(?)." she tells me that the 1st and 2nd generations are considered adult and the 3rd and 4th generations should sit at the kid's table since we "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations." i tell her that i can drink, that i drove here, that i pay rent and have a job, so how am i still considered a child? she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table. according to my aunt, there are 8 children (ages 6-22) and 8 adults (ages 25-75) so i should just sit at the kid's table since it'll be even, but there is plenty of space at the adult table and i don't want to be stuck with 5 literal children. she still disagrees and at this point my uncle and grandparents back her up, so i say fuck it, take my quiche back, tell them to have a nice day, and drive away. i get a few texts telling me to come back by my dad and grandparents. i ask if aunt is going to apologize and they ask "for what?" that was enough for me to disregard their other messages and calls until i got home, where i am now. i feel shitty that i may have possibly ruined a nice family gathering, but feel my family doesn't respect me at all, enough to say that i am still a child and apparently have the same mentality as 6 year olds. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context: i haven't seen my full family together in quite some time, so they set up a get together at a park today. the family gathering includes me (22m), my brother (21), my sister (25), her husband (29) and their two kids, my dad, step-mom and her kids (6 and 9) aunt, uncle, my two cousins (15 and 20), grandma, and grandpa. i get there with some picnic items (i brought a quiche and the cups) and see a few members setting up. i say hi and help set up the tables and set the food out. we talk and play games while the others show up. when everyone gets there, we sit down to eat. i sit next to my dad and get a weird look from my aunt as she says to me, "this is the adult's table." to which i reply, "i am an adult(?)." she tells me that the 1st and 2nd generations are considered adult and the 3rd and 4th generations should sit at the kid's table since we "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations." i tell her that i can drink, that i drove here, that i pay rent and have a job, so how am i still considered a child? she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table. according to my aunt, there are 8 children (ages 6-22) and 8 adults (ages 25-75) so i should just sit at the kid's table since it'll be even, but there is plenty of space at the adult table and i don't want to be stuck with 5 literal children. she still disagrees and at this point my uncle and grandparents back her up, so i say fuck it, take my quiche back, tell them to have a nice day, and drive away. i get a few texts telling me to come back by my dad and grandparents. i ask if aunt is going to apologize and they ask "for what?" that was enough for me to disregard their other messages and calls until i got home, where i am now. i feel shitty that i may have possibly ruined a nice family gathering, but feel my family doesn't respect me at all, enough to say that i am still a child and apparently have the same mentality as 6 year olds. aita? [/INST] nta - i love you took your quiche with you too. </s>
|
AITA for supporting my wife after my daughter publicly exposed her diary which had "cruel" comments?
|
i have been remarried for a year now to my wife. i have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. i also have a 15 year old stepdaughter.
my wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families.
and although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. only then did we get married.
a few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife's diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. i also was given a diary.
my daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. she then posted the photographs on facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names.
my wife had written a few things about how she wished i didn't have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex.
she also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex.
and the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids.
i admit i was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because i knew my kids would be hurt.
but this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet.
my daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an alcoholic.
my wife is inconsolable. a lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible.
i disagree. she wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. and it's not like i shared the same opinion about my ex.
i'm just so defeated. my daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won't step foot in our house. my son is following her lead. my wife has already apologized several times.
my ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. i know she won't win the defamation case but i feel like custody will indeed switch. i'm very stressed out.
my daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she's in the right.
i have taken my wife's side in all this. am i the asshole? my entire family has been blown up.
| 24,947 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hqgdyb/aita_for_supporting_my_wife_after_my_daughter/
|
2020-07-13 14:37:49
|
nta your daughter is old enough to know not to read someone's diary. i really feel for you, mate, you're in a no-win situation.
|
nta.
> this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise
sounds like the entire point of this was to vent unhealthy thoughts.
|
nta!! your wife is entitled to work through her emotions and issues in a productive way, which she has been doing with her personal, therapy diary. your daughter, although young and probably very emotional, is in the wrong and acted very innapropriately.
|
nta
your wife has the right to vent.
but you need to talk to your teenaged child.
and as fast as possible with a therapist in the room.
because this will break your relationship.
this has nothing to do with sides. this has to do with a teen that feels betrayed by someone she found out sees her as a burden and wished she was never born.
your child was in the wrong, but teens have too many emotions to deal with. and you taking your wife's side in this, will feel as betrayel
also, please don't be the dad that will end up stop trying to have contact with their kids because they refuse to see them. keep trying, every month, even if it takes years. because this will determine who they are as a person.
|
nta. report the images on fb and take them down. your daughter had no right to put up those pictures online. these are personal stuff not something for the world.
your daughter got her feelings hurt because of reading someone elses personal diary.
|
nta. part of the reason for going to therapy or keeping a journal is to learn how to process negative thoughts in a more healthy way.
this was also an invasion of your wife's privacy.
every single person in the world has thoughts that would hurt someone else if they were shared.
the fact that your wife wrote these items down demonstrates she was trying to work through her feelings in such a way that *didn't* hurt the children. this shows she actually does care about them.
|
nta!!!
what your wife writes as an outlet doesn't always mean it translates to those feelings in reality. hear me out. your ex wife probably did weaponize your children in the divorce and that is a terrible terrible thing to do to children. especially during a divorce. and your daughter probably did pick up bad traits from your ex. her actions are nothing short of that. what she did is absolutely terrible. your daughter has a lot to learn about life. your daughter is a child. she knows very little about life right now and is chalk full of hormones. not to mention her lack of life experience.
and yes, sometimes women in insecurity do say things. in private. that helps them further process their thoughts and emotions. the difference between your wife and your daughter (from what you mentioned) is that your wife doesn't act on her emotions, she just processes them. your daughter however, being of her age and having little life experience, acts on her emotions and doesn't understand the power behind processing them.
you are absolutely nta. you have a very cruel daughter. in my book what your wife said doesn't even begin to touch the surface in comparison to your daughters actions.
|
nta - this is exactly why diaries are off limits. your wife had every right to use her diary to vent. the way you described your situation before this incident shows, that she used the diary to work through her doubts and issues to do her part to create a positive family situation. i also want to emphasize that i think your wife did nothing wrong. she was entitled to feeling however she felt. she did the grown-up thing and dealt with it. that is more than i‘ve come to see in most people i know. at 15 your daughter lacks the experience to acknowledge that. however, your family should. and even at her young age, your daughter should know better than to read and publish someone else‘s diary. maybe you can see a family therapist. i‘d strongly recommend that.
|
nta your wife was right about your ex, she has weaponized the kids
|
my god, even a 10 year knows that reading someone else's diary is a shitty thing to do, let alone post it publicly. what the everloving fuck - it sounds like the ex did weaponize the kids. i know kids aren't fully developed and all that but this is borderline evil. this was your wife's therapy. it was deeply personal and this trauma shes going through now - i cant even imagine the pain and humiliation. stand with your wife. she has nothing to apologize for - it is human to have thoughts and doubts and she was working through them with her therapist, not writing a burn book for pettiness. imo your daughter needs some serious time out and discipline, not an apology.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have been remarried for a year now to my wife. i have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. i also have a 15 year old stepdaughter. my wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families. and although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. only then did we get married. a few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife's diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. i also was given a diary. my daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. she then posted the photographs on facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names. my wife had written a few things about how she wished i didn't have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex. she also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex. and the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids. i admit i was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because i knew my kids would be hurt. but this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet. my daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an alcoholic. my wife is inconsolable. a lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible. i disagree. she wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. and it's not like i shared the same opinion about my ex. i'm just so defeated. my daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won't step foot in our house. my son is following her lead. my wife has already apologized several times. my ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. i know she won't win the defamation case but i feel like custody will indeed switch. i'm very stressed out. my daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she's in the right. i have taken my wife's side in all this. am i the asshole? my entire family has been blown up.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have been remarried for a year now to my wife. i have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. i also have a 15 year old stepdaughter. my wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families. and although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. only then did we get married. a few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife's diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. i also was given a diary. my daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. she then posted the photographs on facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names. my wife had written a few things about how she wished i didn't have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex. she also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex. and the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids. i admit i was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because i knew my kids would be hurt. but this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet. my daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an alcoholic. my wife is inconsolable. a lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible. i disagree. she wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. and it's not like i shared the same opinion about my ex. i'm just so defeated. my daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won't step foot in our house. my son is following her lead. my wife has already apologized several times. my ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. i know she won't win the defamation case but i feel like custody will indeed switch. i'm very stressed out. my daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she's in the right. i have taken my wife's side in all this. am i the asshole? my entire family has been blown up. [/INST] nta your daughter is old enough to know not to read someone's diary. i really feel for you, mate, you're in a no-win situation. </s>
|
AITA for "hacking" my moms instagram to see if she violated NDA?
|
i'm a nanny for a high profile family. i signed a very extensive and strict nda. anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an nda. the nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk.
recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, amber, at the park. amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). a direct violation of the nda and something i could be fired and sued for.
my dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so i figured it was probably my mom. i asked her about it in a casual “hey how’s amber,” way. i said i ran into amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. my mom simply shrugged and said, "that's funny. maybe she googled? or saw something on social media?"
my dad and sister absolutely hate amber. they essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. my dad ended our convo where i asked him about it by saying, "the only thing i know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in new york and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it."
right then, i knew my mom lied to me and it was her. she and amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success, and i also just landed a great new job. i asked my mom about it again and she told me that i was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me.
my mom doesn't text people, only dm's on instagram. i know her password so logged in to check her messages. there was an extremely long dm to amber where she shared their professions, children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay "really well", etc. everything that we are legally not allowed to say, she said.
i called her immediately and said that i logged into her dm's and saw the message she sent amber that was a violation. she started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can't believe i hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up.
it has been a week without contact between the two of us. we used to speak every single day. i am starting to believe that maybe i'm the asshole here for violating her trust like that. my husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that i gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before i intervened and sought out the truth myself. he constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being. because truthfully, amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. so, aita?
| 24,932 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jkqq4c/aita_for_hacking_my_moms_instagram_to_see_if_she/
|
2020-10-30 05:04:29
|
nta, your mom crossed the line and could end up costing you your job. i would be livid.
|
nta. i would recommend a cya and tell the family what your mom did and how you responded so that they know you didn’t have anything to do with it.
|
nta your husband is right. she literally could ruin your lives with that information.
|
nta, your husband is right: you gave her a chance to come clean she didn't. she could've easily endangered your job and the family you nanny for, i mean the nda is there for a reason...
|
nta
she legally broke a very binding and dangerous contract. she is putting that family and most importantly those children in danger
worse is you dont know how amber will use that info. your family already hates her and sees her as toxic.
whats scary is having tk possibly tell your employer
|
nta
i don't think your mom gets how bad this. i sign ndas all day every day for my what i do. i work in hollywood and it part of the job. your mom doesn't get that her violating this nda is not just breaking your the trust with this family. it will ruin all potential job opportunities. it really will. the chance of you being able to find another job after word gets out you violated an nda.. it won't be easy. not at all.
also this is why my mom and i don't talk about my work at all. luckily i love 3k miles away so that helps.
|
nta, but who do you work for??? just kidding. i’m sorry you have to go through this.
|
nta. ordinarily, i’m not a fan of snooping. but she put your (apparently awesome) job at risk and potentially opened your family up to legal liability. all to one up a frenemy. you needed to know who the leak was in case anything got back to your employer. your mom is the one who cannot be trusted—she is just trying to turn the tables on you.
|
report her to the family you work for this is a serious issue. also i wouldn’t say it was hacking as obviously she shared the password with you.
|
nta
i seriously hope you have a record of your mom's dm, because you're going to need it. if not, get that screenshot or record asap. then strict no contact with mom.
get a lawyer, and ask their advice before doing anything or telling anyone else. honestly, probably should delete this post too.
signed, someone whose family has had our fair share of accidental legal problems
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a nanny for a high profile family. i signed a very extensive and strict nda. anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an nda. the nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk. recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, amber, at the park. amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). a direct violation of the nda and something i could be fired and sued for. my dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so i figured it was probably my mom. i asked her about it in a casual “hey how’s amber,” way. i said i ran into amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. my mom simply shrugged and said, "that's funny. maybe she googled? or saw something on social media?" my dad and sister absolutely hate amber. they essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. my dad ended our convo where i asked him about it by saying, "the only thing i know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in new york and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it." right then, i knew my mom lied to me and it was her. she and amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success, and i also just landed a great new job. i asked my mom about it again and she told me that i was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me. my mom doesn't text people, only dm's on instagram. i know her password so logged in to check her messages. there was an extremely long dm to amber where she shared their professions, children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay "really well", etc. everything that we are legally not allowed to say, she said. i called her immediately and said that i logged into her dm's and saw the message she sent amber that was a violation. she started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can't believe i hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up. it has been a week without contact between the two of us. we used to speak every single day. i am starting to believe that maybe i'm the asshole here for violating her trust like that. my husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that i gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before i intervened and sought out the truth myself. he constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being. because truthfully, amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a nanny for a high profile family. i signed a very extensive and strict nda. anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an nda. the nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk. recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, amber, at the park. amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). a direct violation of the nda and something i could be fired and sued for. my dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so i figured it was probably my mom. i asked her about it in a casual “hey how’s amber,” way. i said i ran into amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. my mom simply shrugged and said, "that's funny. maybe she googled? or saw something on social media?" my dad and sister absolutely hate amber. they essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. my dad ended our convo where i asked him about it by saying, "the only thing i know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in new york and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it." right then, i knew my mom lied to me and it was her. she and amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success, and i also just landed a great new job. i asked my mom about it again and she told me that i was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me. my mom doesn't text people, only dm's on instagram. i know her password so logged in to check her messages. there was an extremely long dm to amber where she shared their professions, children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay "really well", etc. everything that we are legally not allowed to say, she said. i called her immediately and said that i logged into her dm's and saw the message she sent amber that was a violation. she started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can't believe i hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up. it has been a week without contact between the two of us. we used to speak every single day. i am starting to believe that maybe i'm the asshole here for violating her trust like that. my husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that i gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before i intervened and sought out the truth myself. he constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being. because truthfully, amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. so, aita? [/INST] nta, your mom crossed the line and could end up costing you your job. i would be livid. </s>
|
AITA for cutting off my family over my mom's will?
|
i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. i was always in second place compared to her. for example, when we turned sixteen, i was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. when my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red volkswagon of her dreams. mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc.
things got really bad about a decade ago. when we were in high school, i feel in love with this guy, joey, and started dating him for a while. only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. yes, my sister seduced him. this really broke me because he was my first love.
well, my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. and that is when things went from bad to worse. our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister.
for background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. while i didn't get along with my mom or sister, i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. i dreamed of owning that shop one day.
but instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. while i could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says. there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. in her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. she needed the business and house to raise her family. meanwhile, i was single and had nothing.
so, i cut them off. if my mother didn't see me as a family member, then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. it was clear who she favored more. so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. less than a year later, i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since.
now, to the present. after not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. she wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. i told her no, that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her.
but as far as i am concerned, she is not my family. she hasn't been family in a decade. my partner and our baby is family. i have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states. i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. i don't want them to meet my daughter. if i let them back into my life, i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself.
aita and being too harsh?
| 24,909 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gersvf/aita_for_cutting_off_my_family_over_my_moms_will/
|
2020-05-06 20:25:26
|
nta, not from my point of view. you found peace and love elsewhere instead of with them. no need to drag up all that toxicity again if you’re in a good place.
|
nta. nta nta nta to the hundredth power.
your mom essentially disowned you. she deserves nothing from you at all.
and your sister is very much in the wrong here too, like for allowing your mom to shower her with everything and to give you nothing, not to mention wooing your boyfriend from you and marrying him which is an incredibly shitty thing to do to you. i can't even believe these people are so clueless and so heartless.
good for you for carving out your own life. you owe them absolutely nothing.
|
nta. if you don't feel the desire to have a relationship with these people, you should not have a relationship with these people.
if you feel really generous, tell your sister: "i really don't want a relationship with you, but since you want "sisterly" support from me, here it is: if you have more than one child, love them equally and treat them both fairly. bye now."
&#x200b;
|
your mom is definitely an asshole. joey is also an asshole.
regarding your sister
> she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her.
asshole.
sounds like you had a good reason to cut them off. nta.
doesn't seem like you're being too harsh. and if you change your mind, it's possible in the future to establish contact with your sister.
|
nta
it sounds like your sister wanted something from you. maybe she wanted you to come back and work in the shop? maybe she wanted money?
but her reaction definitely tells me that she wanted to get something from you.
|
i suspect she wants your kidney.
|
nta she was the golden child and when that wasn’t enough she stole your boyfriend. family doesn’t treat family like this. your new family is your family.
|
nta. in japanese, there’s a saying that goes; “siblings are just beginning of strangers”. and i know that not every sibling are like this, but i know a lot that are. especially after your mother died, it might sound harsh to others but i don’t see how you owe your sister anything. tbh if i were you i wouldn’t have even gone to their wedding haha. but i guess to go is just common courtesy. however this anger that’s built up over the years can’t just simply disappear. you do what makes you happy. your sister and mother obviously did what made them happy. you don’t owe them anything.
|
nta.
you spent your life with your mother and sister putting themselves first. even in reaching out to you, your sister put herself and her happiness before yours.
there was no olive branch offered, no remorse shown for her attitude or approach to your relationship in the past. it was just “how can you do this to me?”. she even made this about her.
if your happy with your life now, what reason did she give you that you should threaten that happiness for her own?
also, just wondering, you mention your mother’s will being what finally pushed you to cut them out of your life, but just that she had written it. are your parents still alive, and have they made any attempt to reach out to you?
|
info
this story is missing a ton of detail on how exactly mom and sister deserved to be cut out of op's life forever. did sister cast a spell on childhood boyfriend and force him to marry her? mom just sort of decided to hate op willy nilly? where is dad?
i have a problem with how op characterizes everything as well. owning the flower shop was her dream. sister received car of her dreams. op got a clunker. boyfriend was seduced. it feels so victimy.
i mean the central problem i have is this: if things were so blatantly bad and so rigged against her from the word go, then why on earth would she need to come to this forum and ask if she's an asshole, because if we take op at face value, it's stupidly obvious that she's not?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. i was always in second place compared to her. for example, when we turned sixteen, i was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. when my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red volkswagon of her dreams. mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc. things got really bad about a decade ago. when we were in high school, i feel in love with this guy, joey, and started dating him for a while. only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. yes, my sister seduced him. this really broke me because he was my first love. well, my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. and that is when things went from bad to worse. our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister. for background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. while i didn't get along with my mom or sister, i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. i dreamed of owning that shop one day. but instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. while i could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says. there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. in her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. she needed the business and house to raise her family. meanwhile, i was single and had nothing. so, i cut them off. if my mother didn't see me as a family member, then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. it was clear who she favored more. so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. less than a year later, i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since. now, to the present. after not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. she wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. i told her no, that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her. but as far as i am concerned, she is not my family. she hasn't been family in a decade. my partner and our baby is family. i have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states. i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. i don't want them to meet my daughter. if i let them back into my life, i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself. aita and being too harsh?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. i was always in second place compared to her. for example, when we turned sixteen, i was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. when my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red volkswagon of her dreams. mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc. things got really bad about a decade ago. when we were in high school, i feel in love with this guy, joey, and started dating him for a while. only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. yes, my sister seduced him. this really broke me because he was my first love. well, my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. and that is when things went from bad to worse. our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister. for background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. while i didn't get along with my mom or sister, i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. i dreamed of owning that shop one day. but instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. while i could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says. there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. in her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. she needed the business and house to raise her family. meanwhile, i was single and had nothing. so, i cut them off. if my mother didn't see me as a family member, then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. it was clear who she favored more. so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. less than a year later, i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since. now, to the present. after not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. she wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. i told her no, that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her. but as far as i am concerned, she is not my family. she hasn't been family in a decade. my partner and our baby is family. i have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states. i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. i don't want them to meet my daughter. if i let them back into my life, i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself. aita and being too harsh? [/INST] nta, not from my point of view. you found peace and love elsewhere instead of with them. no need to drag up all that toxicity again if you’re in a good place. </s>
|
AITA - Wife got my Sister fired
|
i am currently fighting with my wife.
she has a high position at a university. she's has her phd and has little respect for people who don't have an education.
my sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. probably a bit more than my wife. she doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful; she does lie on her resume saying she has a ba degree.
recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in nyc. my wife was so angry when she heard about it. she said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job.
flash forward 2 weeks. my sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a ba degree.
when i brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know.
i was stunned with this news. my sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. she has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. i'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares?
i had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. i pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it. now my sister is unemployed and i have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. i have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help. this decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. my sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. she also donates 10% of her income to st. jude's children's hospital. she's a good person who wasn't able to afford college.
my wife is livid with me for being angry with her. she says that i should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for.
i have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if i tell her.
aita for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister? aita for not telling my sister how this happened?
| 24,836 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iv4o47/aita_wife_got_my_sister_fired/
|
2020-09-18 11:57:00
|
nta. if your wife threatens to leave you for telling others about *her* actions, that’s a pretty good indication that she’s ta. also she’s a giant asshole for throwing around divorce as a means to manipulate your behaviour. she’d rather divorce you than own up and feel embarrassed by her shitty actions, which speaks volumes about her.
sorry, man.
|
nta for being angry at your wife, but you ywbta if you don’t tell your sister and stay with a horrible woman who treats others like that. one lied about a degree, but from what you’ve written is a very kind woman who gives back to her family and the community regularly. the other is a jealous harpy who couldn’t stand someone without a degree doing well in life because it brought up her own insecurities.
|
ok so it was totally wrong of your sister to lie about having her ba but unless it is a profession where people’s lives or livelihoods are at risk than i don’t see it as one of the seven deadly sins. your wife though just sounds like an awful person and she herself has lied about her experience before ... ugh. people in glass houses should not throw stones.
as for your relationship, i think you need to take a long hard look at the person she is. this particular hill she has chosen to die on (for the principle of it) has actually caused you and the people you love increased hardship. as with any of these stories, i am sure there is more to it than this.
that she is mad at you for not standing by her is full on priceless.
you are nta.
|
if your wife wants to act like the degree police, she needs to be upfront about it. that was underhanded and fueled by envy and hate. your wife sounds like a true narcissist and needs to get a grip on why she feels so threatened.
|
[deleted]
|
your wife has threatened to leave you?
beat her to it....
|
nta.
i don't agree with your sister's to lie and this was a natural consequence of it. your sister gambled that she could get away with a lie, and she lost. i've got very little sympathy for her on that one...
however, your wife just set your whole family on fire, treated your sister with contempt and hatred, and that's not reasonable or responsible.
your marriage is probably over whether you tell your sister what happened or not. it probably should be. a woman who will do that kind of harm to you sister, your mother, your niece, will do it to you too if she feels justified.
|
some responses to some questions:
my wife visited my sister's linkedin and that's how she figured out that my sister was lying about her degree.
as to why i don't help: i've been out of work for the past few months and just started a new job.
my wife makes more money than i do, but does not feel it should be our responsibility to help my family out. when i was in rehab my wife's insurance covered 60% of the costs and she didn't not want to go into our savings, so my sister volunteered to pay the rest of the cost.
|
esh. your wife should mind her own business which makes her the asshole.
your sister is an asshole for lying about a ba; no matter how good of a person is, do not lie about accomplishments which aren’t yours.
you are the asshole for the fact you keep defending your sister. i kind of understand your wife’s anger; she worked very hard for her degree and your sister just makes one up and is equally successful? kind of see where your wife is coming from
edit; thanks for the awards kind strangers :)
|
nta
your wife is an asshole. your sister has been in the field for 2 decades. she's qualified. this isn't some 22 year old with no experience. unfortunately, we live in a society where having a college degree doesn't mean qualified, it's basically just become a minimum bar. and those who can't afford college can't then advance.
it's not like your sister is lying about having a medical degree or something (i hope).
and the fact that your wife won't "help" with your mother's nursing home fees? she has a "i've got mine" and doesn't care how many people she screws in the process. how do you and your wife address finances in the home?
although, 20 years in the field, does your sister actually need to put education on her resume?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.034939 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am currently fighting with my wife. she has a high position at a university. she's has her phd and has little respect for people who don't have an education. my sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. probably a bit more than my wife. she doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful; she does lie on her resume saying she has a ba degree. recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in nyc. my wife was so angry when she heard about it. she said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job. flash forward 2 weeks. my sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a ba degree. when i brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know. i was stunned with this news. my sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. she has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. i'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares? i had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. i pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it. now my sister is unemployed and i have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. i have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help. this decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. my sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. she also donates 10% of her income to st. jude's children's hospital. she's a good person who wasn't able to afford college. my wife is livid with me for being angry with her. she says that i should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for. i have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if i tell her. aita for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister? aita for not telling my sister how this happened?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am currently fighting with my wife. she has a high position at a university. she's has her phd and has little respect for people who don't have an education. my sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. probably a bit more than my wife. she doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful; she does lie on her resume saying she has a ba degree. recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in nyc. my wife was so angry when she heard about it. she said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job. flash forward 2 weeks. my sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a ba degree. when i brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know. i was stunned with this news. my sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. she has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. i'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares? i had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. i pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it. now my sister is unemployed and i have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. i have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help. this decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. my sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. she also donates 10% of her income to st. jude's children's hospital. she's a good person who wasn't able to afford college. my wife is livid with me for being angry with her. she says that i should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for. i have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if i tell her. aita for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister? aita for not telling my sister how this happened? [/INST] nta. if your wife threatens to leave you for telling others about *her* actions, that’s a pretty good indication that she’s ta. also she’s a giant asshole for throwing around divorce as a means to manipulate your behaviour. she’d rather divorce you than own up and feel embarrassed by her shitty actions, which speaks volumes about her. sorry, man. </s>
|
AITA for kicking my friend out the car?
|
earlier today, i was driving my friends back home after we worked out. we passed these two girls walking and one of my friends rolls down his window and says "i like how those t****** jiggle, how about you give the boys a flash." i instantly got angry when he said that. i pulled around the corner and told him to get out. he thought i was joking but i wasn't and he started arguing.
he was saying it was just a joke and he was messing around everyone was on his side saying it wasn't a big deal. at first he said he wasn't getting out but then i said i was gunna snatch him out if he didn't. he finally did with no type of physical encouragement. he lived the furthest but i made him walk the rest of the way.
everyone else was still mad at me. i dropped them all off and went on my way. i called the guy i kicked out to make sure he got home safe and told him to never say any shit like that around me ever again. he apologized but was still mad because he thought me making him walk was too far. aita?
| 24,832 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o4yb5g/aita_for_kicking_my_friend_out_the_car/
|
2021-06-21 15:53:17
|
nta - the only way to change entitled men who think they can comment on women they pass is by showing them it's wrong. you've done this. way to go!
|
nta
those women don’t think it’s funny. that’s not a joke, that’s sexual harassment. it’s 2021, everyone should be well aware that that shit ain’t ok.
eta; thank you kind redditors for the awards!
|
nta- it’s not the eighties so he doesn’t have to search for pay phone to call someone. he can call an uber. screw that guy. let women
walk in peace, fellas.
|
nta.
oh my god. please don't ever stop being this considerate. you made sure your friend got home okay while also enforcing respect for women. i used to have to walk home from work in california and i can't tell you how often men propositioned me from their car windows.
|
absolutely nta. as a woman you are exposed to sexual harassment almost constantly. the first time it happened to me i was 12 i didn’t understand why grown men were looking at me like that. men routinely make women feel unsafe just for existing. and often men support their friends who are making women feel unsafe. by calling out your friend’s problematic behavior you stood up for this woman and made it clear that that behavior was unacceptable. you are an ally and you should be proud of yourself for that
|
nta sounds like someone needed a lesson on how not to be a pig. good on you for providing one.
|
this is one of those posts where you know you’re not ta, you just want to post.
|
no, nta -
he's pathetic as are the friends that are mad at you. such blatant disrespect to any woman.
|
nta, omg i love your courage! thank you! thank you! thank you, for protecting those young ladies. this was a hard lesson your friend needed to learn and i hope he becomes a better man for it. we need more people like you in this world. nta!!!
|
nta. i can tell for who it was most likely a big deal: the women he harrassed. this is catcalling at it's most primitive, yikes. honestly, if he has a history of this, maybe rethink your friendship. they have no right to act towards this towards other people, your other friends included. if you can't behave as an adult, you walk, simple as that.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: earlier today, i was driving my friends back home after we worked out. we passed these two girls walking and one of my friends rolls down his window and says "i like how those t****** jiggle, how about you give the boys a flash." i instantly got angry when he said that. i pulled around the corner and told him to get out. he thought i was joking but i wasn't and he started arguing. he was saying it was just a joke and he was messing around everyone was on his side saying it wasn't a big deal. at first he said he wasn't getting out but then i said i was gunna snatch him out if he didn't. he finally did with no type of physical encouragement. he lived the furthest but i made him walk the rest of the way. everyone else was still mad at me. i dropped them all off and went on my way. i called the guy i kicked out to make sure he got home safe and told him to never say any shit like that around me ever again. he apologized but was still mad because he thought me making him walk was too far. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
earlier today, i was driving my friends back home after we worked out. we passed these two girls walking and one of my friends rolls down his window and says "i like how those t****** jiggle, how about you give the boys a flash." i instantly got angry when he said that. i pulled around the corner and told him to get out. he thought i was joking but i wasn't and he started arguing. he was saying it was just a joke and he was messing around everyone was on his side saying it wasn't a big deal. at first he said he wasn't getting out but then i said i was gunna snatch him out if he didn't. he finally did with no type of physical encouragement. he lived the furthest but i made him walk the rest of the way. everyone else was still mad at me. i dropped them all off and went on my way. i called the guy i kicked out to make sure he got home safe and told him to never say any shit like that around me ever again. he apologized but was still mad because he thought me making him walk was too far. aita? [/INST] nta - the only way to change entitled men who think they can comment on women they pass is by showing them it's wrong. you've done this. way to go! </s>
|
AITA for telling my mother that my step dad will not be walking me down the aisle because I hate him, and in turn ripping my family apart?
|
i (23) am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years in june. we're having quite a large wedding (fiance has a big family, and we have a lot of friends), but my family is very small. my only family is my mom (never met my dad), and i have an aunt and uncle who are childfree. since i was little, having no father i always wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle.
my mom married my step dad when i was 12, and i've never liked him. he's a bully. he says horrible things to people, says racist, sexist, transphobic things for attention, and heavily contributed to my mental illness and eating disorder as a teenager. my mom knows that we don't get along, and she knows i didn't like him, but i gave up on confiding in her about how much i disliked him when i was around 15, because she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us. so, it's been around 8 years since i've told my mom i hate him. i moved out when i was 19 with my boyfriend. i visit my mom maybe 3-4 times a week, i would try to time this around my step dad working so i wouldn't see him. as a result of seeing him less, i was more able to ignore his horribleness and we stopped arguing. i mostly stopped talking to him. he still refers to me as his daughter and my mother insists he loves me. it is not mutual, but everyone has assumed that i love him too and our relationship is just based on 'banter' rather than tormenting.
so, when i got engaged, i asked my uncle almost straight away if he would walk me down the aisle. he was over the moon, but my aunt was like 'oh, you aren't picking step dad?' and i said no, i've always wanted uncle to do it. a few hours later, my mom called me crying asking why i wouldn't want step dad to do it, saying it's broken his heart. i told her that i've always dreamed of having uncle do it. she pressed on about how heartbroken he is, saying he always thought we had a good, funny relationship. this is where i feel like an ass. i said, 'there was nothing funny about him ruining my self esteem and teenage years. i hate him and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'. my mom said that she's horrified that i still feel this way, once again spouting that he's a good guy and he loves me. i repeated that i hate the guy, and she said she'll tell him to back off.
he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me. my uncle is now not speaking to him, and i feel like i've torn what little family i have apart. aita?
| 24,806 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekwwcq/aita_for_telling_my_mother_that_my_step_dad_will/
|
2020-01-06 17:06:00
|
nta.
your wedding. he doesn't have to even be there.
it's your day.
you're making memories for your family.
he's not part of that.
the fact he's tried to ruin it by getting your uncle involved days a lot about him.
|
nta. it's your wedding.
>if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'
is the guest list not up to you...?
|
nta. i’m sorry. your mom has been going to a lot of trouble to convince herself everything has been fine. you don’t owe her that illusion. it’s lovely that you have a good relationship with your uncle. i hope you have a wonderful wedding day.
(i’d recommend not jumping to “i’ve torn my family apart,” though, ok? you’ve just stopped drinking the kool aid. you’re not responsible for their reactions. don’t let them bully you into pretending and don’t take on more of this than what’s fair.)
|
nta. wow.
>he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me.
way to demonstrate how his relationship with you has been *funny banter* instead of *emotionally abusive*
|
nta
the step-dunce abused you. you have every right to choose who walks you down the aisle. they're trying to get you to feel guilty about it. don't fall into that trap.
|
nta
it’s your wedding and you get to choose. your stepfather is out of line for contacting your uncle about this.
you owe no one an explanation or justification. your decision is made and it’s not open for debate. next time your mother brings it up, shut it down; “my decision is made and i don’t want to discuss it.” if she persists, tell her that you’ll talk to her later and politely end the conversation.
boundaries only exist if they’re enforced. i’m sorry this is happening to you.
|
> she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us.
i am the father of two wonderful, grown-up kids. if the best that can be said of a father is "he would never hurt us" that's just a shame. you are nta. i hope your wedding is the beginning of a wonderful life.
|
nta. though i do think it's time for you to have a long, honest talk with your mother about his past actions and how deeply they affected you, if things calm down enough.
you don't have to include anyone in your wedding that you don't want to. your wedding is for you and your partner - you both deserve to have the wedding you wish.
glad to hear that your uncle is standing by you on this.
|
nta - your mom was in denial. she shouldn't have married a man who gets along so poorly with her daughter.
|
[deleted]
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (23) am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years in june. we're having quite a large wedding (fiance has a big family, and we have a lot of friends), but my family is very small. my only family is my mom (never met my dad), and i have an aunt and uncle who are childfree. since i was little, having no father i always wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle. my mom married my step dad when i was 12, and i've never liked him. he's a bully. he says horrible things to people, says racist, sexist, transphobic things for attention, and heavily contributed to my mental illness and eating disorder as a teenager. my mom knows that we don't get along, and she knows i didn't like him, but i gave up on confiding in her about how much i disliked him when i was around 15, because she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us. so, it's been around 8 years since i've told my mom i hate him. i moved out when i was 19 with my boyfriend. i visit my mom maybe 3-4 times a week, i would try to time this around my step dad working so i wouldn't see him. as a result of seeing him less, i was more able to ignore his horribleness and we stopped arguing. i mostly stopped talking to him. he still refers to me as his daughter and my mother insists he loves me. it is not mutual, but everyone has assumed that i love him too and our relationship is just based on 'banter' rather than tormenting. so, when i got engaged, i asked my uncle almost straight away if he would walk me down the aisle. he was over the moon, but my aunt was like 'oh, you aren't picking step dad?' and i said no, i've always wanted uncle to do it. a few hours later, my mom called me crying asking why i wouldn't want step dad to do it, saying it's broken his heart. i told her that i've always dreamed of having uncle do it. she pressed on about how heartbroken he is, saying he always thought we had a good, funny relationship. this is where i feel like an ass. i said, 'there was nothing funny about him ruining my self esteem and teenage years. i hate him and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'. my mom said that she's horrified that i still feel this way, once again spouting that he's a good guy and he loves me. i repeated that i hate the guy, and she said she'll tell him to back off. he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me. my uncle is now not speaking to him, and i feel like i've torn what little family i have apart. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (23) am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years in june. we're having quite a large wedding (fiance has a big family, and we have a lot of friends), but my family is very small. my only family is my mom (never met my dad), and i have an aunt and uncle who are childfree. since i was little, having no father i always wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle. my mom married my step dad when i was 12, and i've never liked him. he's a bully. he says horrible things to people, says racist, sexist, transphobic things for attention, and heavily contributed to my mental illness and eating disorder as a teenager. my mom knows that we don't get along, and she knows i didn't like him, but i gave up on confiding in her about how much i disliked him when i was around 15, because she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us. so, it's been around 8 years since i've told my mom i hate him. i moved out when i was 19 with my boyfriend. i visit my mom maybe 3-4 times a week, i would try to time this around my step dad working so i wouldn't see him. as a result of seeing him less, i was more able to ignore his horribleness and we stopped arguing. i mostly stopped talking to him. he still refers to me as his daughter and my mother insists he loves me. it is not mutual, but everyone has assumed that i love him too and our relationship is just based on 'banter' rather than tormenting. so, when i got engaged, i asked my uncle almost straight away if he would walk me down the aisle. he was over the moon, but my aunt was like 'oh, you aren't picking step dad?' and i said no, i've always wanted uncle to do it. a few hours later, my mom called me crying asking why i wouldn't want step dad to do it, saying it's broken his heart. i told her that i've always dreamed of having uncle do it. she pressed on about how heartbroken he is, saying he always thought we had a good, funny relationship. this is where i feel like an ass. i said, 'there was nothing funny about him ruining my self esteem and teenage years. i hate him and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'. my mom said that she's horrified that i still feel this way, once again spouting that he's a good guy and he loves me. i repeated that i hate the guy, and she said she'll tell him to back off. he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me. my uncle is now not speaking to him, and i feel like i've torn what little family i have apart. aita? [/INST] nta. your wedding. he doesn't have to even be there. it's your day. you're making memories for your family. he's not part of that. the fact he's tried to ruin it by getting your uncle involved days a lot about him. </s>
|
AITA For laughing my ass off at my wife's expense?
|
just for context, i am 6'2 and my wife is 4'11. she is insecure about her height and while i try my best to tell her that she is stupendously beautiful the way she is, she got bullied about it pretty bad and it's just an aspect she doesn't like about herself.
with this in mind, we recently went to one of my favorite places to eat. now, this restaurant has a really large counter and my wife is petite, so the cashier couldn't really see her.
we ordered our food, and were heading out when the cashier held out a giant piece of candy and said 'for your lovely daughter' to me.
i honestly couldn't help but burst out laughing to the point that i had tears in my eyes and i had to compose myself before driving back home.
my wife was obviously pretty pissed. aita?
| 24,773 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dmcw3y/aita_for_laughing_my_ass_off_at_my_wifes_expense/
|
2019-10-24 07:23:27
|
yta
&#x200b;
dude, come on! you know this is a point of pain and insecurity for your wife. like she's told you that she's been bullied for this and you laugh at this to the point where there were tears? and you haven't apologised for this? she's your wife man. so yeah. you're the a-hole here bud.
|
“i laughed at my wife in public about her biggest insecurity that she was bullied for throughout her life” yeah yta
|
yta
i can understand an initial laugh, but really, you know it upsets her and it's a sore spot for her, and you're just going to laugh hysterically? that's pretty mean, and in her place, i'd be pretty pissed at you too.
|
yta.
my boyfriend is the same height as you and i'm 4'11. it's extremely frustrating to not be taken seriously your whole life based on your height. we've heard every short joke in the world. i'm not insecure about my height, but it's definitely colored the way people treat me in my life. it gets extremely annoying and old sometimes.
i can imagine how demeaning it felt for your wife when she saw you laugh so hard over her lifelong insecurity.
|
yta - not for the initial outburst but it takes more than a few seconds to get to the point of tears in your eyes and that’s plenty of time to have composed yourself
|
nah - honestly, sometimes shit is just funny and laughter that brings tears to your eyes isnt easily stopped.
one time i laughed my arse off at the expense of my child. full tears, hands on knees, gasping for breath hysterics. i had to gesture to my husband to console him because i couldnt pick him up i was laughing so hard. (6 yrs old, held his sandwhich above his head so the little monkey couldnt get it. monkey scaled my child, shot up his wee arm, and snatch his ham and cheese. kid wailed, mother died laughing)
i'm sorry she was bullied, that's real shit and the effects can last a long time. sometimes inappropriate laughter is very hard to stop however, so while i dont think you're an arsehole i do think you've a shit tonne of sucking up to do.
|
yta, you're not the asshole for the initial laughter but you know this is a sore spot for your wife you could have been considerate
|
nah / very soft yta. i'm a petite girl, i understand the pain of being taken as a kid. being mistaken as your daughter is understandably very funny, but it's a soft point for your wife and you should've tried to keep it in. (still though, i chuckled)
|
seems like people here think laughter is completly voluntary. were you guys never in school and couldn't stop from laughing even though you really wanted to? i would go for nah, depending on how you behaved after. but just so you know i understand why you laughed and sometimes there is nothing you do about it. the fact that you shouldn't / don't want to laugh means nothing usually, because it only makes you laugh harder. hope you and your wife can talk about it. it seems as if you're usually very understanding about her insecurities concering her height.
|
yta
if she's insecure about her height having you laugh at that isn't going to make her feel any better and she will just be more insecure in the future.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
YTA
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: just for context, i am 6'2 and my wife is 4'11. she is insecure about her height and while i try my best to tell her that she is stupendously beautiful the way she is, she got bullied about it pretty bad and it's just an aspect she doesn't like about herself. with this in mind, we recently went to one of my favorite places to eat. now, this restaurant has a really large counter and my wife is petite, so the cashier couldn't really see her. we ordered our food, and were heading out when the cashier held out a giant piece of candy and said 'for your lovely daughter' to me. i honestly couldn't help but burst out laughing to the point that i had tears in my eyes and i had to compose myself before driving back home. my wife was obviously pretty pissed. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
just for context, i am 6'2 and my wife is 4'11. she is insecure about her height and while i try my best to tell her that she is stupendously beautiful the way she is, she got bullied about it pretty bad and it's just an aspect she doesn't like about herself. with this in mind, we recently went to one of my favorite places to eat. now, this restaurant has a really large counter and my wife is petite, so the cashier couldn't really see her. we ordered our food, and were heading out when the cashier held out a giant piece of candy and said 'for your lovely daughter' to me. i honestly couldn't help but burst out laughing to the point that i had tears in my eyes and i had to compose myself before driving back home. my wife was obviously pretty pissed. aita? [/INST] yta &#x200b; dude, come on! you know this is a point of pain and insecurity for your wife. like she's told you that she's been bullied for this and you laugh at this to the point where there were tears? and you haven't apologised for this? she's your wife man. so yeah. you're the a-hole here bud. </s>
|
AITA For my reaction when I got home and found my 6 months old daughter wearing the same diaper for 9 hours?
|
i 35-f been busy with work (i'm a nurse) and taking care of my 6 months old baby girl and her 6 years old sister. my husband work night shifts-3 nights a week so he's usually sleeping at home during the day. he got himself a ps5 a month ago. he started spending time playing. he used to handle some of the house chorus now all he does is make excuses of how tired he is and how much he needs sleep. but he'd come home from his shift and starts playing. he drinks a lot of coffee to stay concentrated and awake. also he stopped eating properly. keeps forgetting to do things i ask him to do. like help fix his daughter's toys/take turns in changing diapers etc.
i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things. he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to. that he'll start helping again. i actually believed him and left for my 8 hour shift at the hospital and before i left i reminded him of everything he needed to do from feeding/changing diapers/cleaning our daughter's room etc. he said "don't worry about it" and then i left.
i called him to check on the kids and he said everything was fine. i came home in the evening and i was shocked to see our 6 months old's bed was put in the living room. her stuff on the couch. while he was playing. she didn't stop crying he said he didn't know what was wrong. turned out he didn't change the diaper after i left. she was wearing the same diaper for 9 hours. he said he forgot but he was busy playing. i immediately took care of her. i knew her rash was going to get worse after that. my 6 year old's hair was a mess he didn't brush her hair. the kitchen was a mess. i was livid kept yelling at him for being neglectful and reckless and literally forgetting about his own kids over a game.
he said that i was overreacting and that it was my fault for not reminding him on the phone. i told him it was my fault for leaving the kids with someone who doesn't even brush his teeth. he got offended and left the house minutes later.
his mom called me telling me that my husband stayes up at night to make a living for his kids and that i was pressuring him by giving him more than he could handle. i tried to explain but she kept lashing out calling me controlling and said i might be frustrated from my job that's why "i'm taking it out on him".
i hung up on her and had to take care of all of that mess.
sorry for any mistakes i'm just so exhausted.
| 24,758 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k97mlg/aita_for_my_reaction_when_i_got_home_and_found_my/
|
2020-12-08 16:42:47
|
nta if my husband did this him and his ps5 would be out the door.
|
nta, your husband isn’t a competent father and is blaming you for it.
|
nta
that's legal neglect, like, "thousands of dollars fine and possible jail time" neglect, not changing an infant's diaper for *nine hours*. either he needs to wake tf up or you should take the kids and go, cause i don't see that behavior changing anytime soon.
|
nta. my first thought was to destroy the ps5. but that's really not the issue here. the problem is a father who would allow his screaming child to sit in a soiled diaper for hours on end. the problem is a husband who expects his wife, who works outside the home full-time, to come home and handle 100% of the parenting and household responsibilities. you don't have a partner, you have a third dependant. and an unhygenic one at that.
your husband comitted child neglect, plain and simple. that's the biggest concern here, because of course it is, but there are other problems too. i would not leave the children with him again, and if he didn't want to attend counseling and/or parenting classes, i would be serving him with divorce papers. you deserve a teammate you can depend on. you do not need another person to be responsible for.
|
nta - your husband neglected your infant. this is abuse. you can’t trust him with your children on his own, which is absolutely pathetic on his part. if his mom thinks he is incapable of caring for his own children she can either come over and babysit or contribute towards childcare.
|
nta. your husband is neglecting your child in favour of video games. ask your mom to babysit again, and tell him he either takes a childcare class and does couple's counseling with you or you're walking.
keep record of this incident in case you do end up visiting the divorce lawyer. if his mom typed any of this out over text or email, hold on to those.
|
nta. absolutely inexcusable to leave a child in a soiled diaper for 9+ hours. neglectful. i would walk away from this man. he can’t even be called a man. he is a child. and his mom can take him in if she’s so concerned. you and your children deserve better.
|
nta he sounds like he's addicted to his games. and your mil needs to mind her own business. she'd probably be on your side if she got the whole story. yes, he stays up nights to provide for his family. you work just as hard. he also agreed to have children and lives at the house, so he's responsible for childcare and housework too. i'm sorry you're dealing with this.
|
nta. however ywbta if you leave your children with him again. what he did is neglect and that’s how cps gets involved. this is a come to jesus moment. if he wants to be trusted to care for the children then they have to come first not dead last. i’m assuming he was able to feed himself and use the restroom throughout the day so he is capable of prioritizing his needs when he recognizes them. he isn’t forgetting your children’s needs he simply isn’t prioritizing them because they aren’t important to him! please do what’s best for your kids. i hope things look up for you op.
|
nta.
lol at him running to his mommy to pick on you. what a winner. o\_o
>i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things.
>
>he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to.
too bad. he's negligent. imo, you need to take over and take your kids to your mother's home or wherever there are responsible people.
i'm thinking he doesn't want your mother looking after the kids at your home because he's gaming and doesn't want to be bothered. his actions and reactions prove he's not fit to take care of your young children.
edited to include quote block, typo.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 35-f been busy with work (i'm a nurse) and taking care of my 6 months old baby girl and her 6 years old sister. my husband work night shifts-3 nights a week so he's usually sleeping at home during the day. he got himself a ps5 a month ago. he started spending time playing. he used to handle some of the house chorus now all he does is make excuses of how tired he is and how much he needs sleep. but he'd come home from his shift and starts playing. he drinks a lot of coffee to stay concentrated and awake. also he stopped eating properly. keeps forgetting to do things i ask him to do. like help fix his daughter's toys/take turns in changing diapers etc. i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things. he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to. that he'll start helping again. i actually believed him and left for my 8 hour shift at the hospital and before i left i reminded him of everything he needed to do from feeding/changing diapers/cleaning our daughter's room etc. he said "don't worry about it" and then i left. i called him to check on the kids and he said everything was fine. i came home in the evening and i was shocked to see our 6 months old's bed was put in the living room. her stuff on the couch. while he was playing. she didn't stop crying he said he didn't know what was wrong. turned out he didn't change the diaper after i left. she was wearing the same diaper for 9 hours. he said he forgot but he was busy playing. i immediately took care of her. i knew her rash was going to get worse after that. my 6 year old's hair was a mess he didn't brush her hair. the kitchen was a mess. i was livid kept yelling at him for being neglectful and reckless and literally forgetting about his own kids over a game. he said that i was overreacting and that it was my fault for not reminding him on the phone. i told him it was my fault for leaving the kids with someone who doesn't even brush his teeth. he got offended and left the house minutes later. his mom called me telling me that my husband stayes up at night to make a living for his kids and that i was pressuring him by giving him more than he could handle. i tried to explain but she kept lashing out calling me controlling and said i might be frustrated from my job that's why "i'm taking it out on him". i hung up on her and had to take care of all of that mess. sorry for any mistakes i'm just so exhausted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 35-f been busy with work (i'm a nurse) and taking care of my 6 months old baby girl and her 6 years old sister. my husband work night shifts-3 nights a week so he's usually sleeping at home during the day. he got himself a ps5 a month ago. he started spending time playing. he used to handle some of the house chorus now all he does is make excuses of how tired he is and how much he needs sleep. but he'd come home from his shift and starts playing. he drinks a lot of coffee to stay concentrated and awake. also he stopped eating properly. keeps forgetting to do things i ask him to do. like help fix his daughter's toys/take turns in changing diapers etc. i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things. he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to. that he'll start helping again. i actually believed him and left for my 8 hour shift at the hospital and before i left i reminded him of everything he needed to do from feeding/changing diapers/cleaning our daughter's room etc. he said "don't worry about it" and then i left. i called him to check on the kids and he said everything was fine. i came home in the evening and i was shocked to see our 6 months old's bed was put in the living room. her stuff on the couch. while he was playing. she didn't stop crying he said he didn't know what was wrong. turned out he didn't change the diaper after i left. she was wearing the same diaper for 9 hours. he said he forgot but he was busy playing. i immediately took care of her. i knew her rash was going to get worse after that. my 6 year old's hair was a mess he didn't brush her hair. the kitchen was a mess. i was livid kept yelling at him for being neglectful and reckless and literally forgetting about his own kids over a game. he said that i was overreacting and that it was my fault for not reminding him on the phone. i told him it was my fault for leaving the kids with someone who doesn't even brush his teeth. he got offended and left the house minutes later. his mom called me telling me that my husband stayes up at night to make a living for his kids and that i was pressuring him by giving him more than he could handle. i tried to explain but she kept lashing out calling me controlling and said i might be frustrated from my job that's why "i'm taking it out on him". i hung up on her and had to take care of all of that mess. sorry for any mistakes i'm just so exhausted. [/INST] nta if my husband did this him and his ps5 would be out the door. </s>
|
AITA for not telling someone I can read lips
|
this happened pre covid btw.
i've had hearing loss for most of my life , but it was diagnosed when i was about 7 years old. so i learned to read lips at the same time i was learning to speak. i'm very proficient in reading lips.
whenever i work with someone new, i make sure to let them know that i have hearing loss and to make sure that they are facing me and i'm aware they're talkin to me.
i've never actually mentioned to any co-workers that i could read lips & but i'm pretty sure most of them at least suspect it strongly.
a new co-worker started and i did my customary introduction and disclaimer about my hearing.
i don't think she believed me because she got very offended when i ignored her. the problem being she was trying to get my attention from behind me and i genuinely did not hear her. once someone got my attention i apologize to her and pointed out that i did have hearing loss and i wasn't aware that she was talking to me.
a few days later she was venting to a mutual coworker. the only problem was she was facing me and i could read her lips perfectly.
after a few minutes i approached her and let her know that if she was going to s*** talk someone she needed to make sure they couldn't understand her and that i was reading her lips the entire time.
i told her i was upset that she wouldn't just come to me, and that i did tell her twice that i was partially deaf and couldn't hear her. she freaked out because apparently i was being rude by reading her lips when she was facing me
| 24,745 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hidzc5/aita_for_not_telling_someone_i_can_read_lips/
|
2020-06-30 02:00:22
|
nta. sounds like you taught her a very important lesson and she was embarrassed. glad you called her out and stuck up for yourself.
|
i have a severe progressive hearing loss and read lips. i can't turn it off, did you know puppets say "blah, blah, blah"? nta
|
nta- also suffer from partial hearing loss and read lips. i tell coworkers i am hearing impaired for the same reason, and some people did think i was purposely ignoring them before i started. i feel like everyone already knows i read lips because i work behind a loud bar and will look at peoples lips while they speak. but it’s not some super power lol and it’s not rude to do. don’t talk shit if you don’t want them to find out 🤷🏼♀️
|
[removed]
|
nta
people who are deaf or hoh are never the asshole for not saying they can read lips. that’s a personal choice and truly no one else’s business. and you did tell her.
|
nta. if she called you an asshole for reading her lips, she basically took advantage of your hearing loss by talking shit about you in front of you. why would you talk shit about someone in the same room as them and be surprised when they confront you about it?
|
nta but you should let hr know she isn't respecting you at work and talking shit
|
hi! i'm just like you except i can't sign. i'm sorry this is long.
people don't always fully grasp the impact of our disability when we let them know. it doesn't matter if you say hard of hearing, hearing impaired, deaf, partially deaf, whatever. i don't have to tell you how often people reply "oh me too, haha" when they are clearly not at a point where they require aides and visual cues to get through a conversation.
most people can read a few things like "fuck you" or "wow" other common phrases. i think when we tell people to look at us so we can read their lips, they associate lipreading with how *they* lipread, and assume we must catch a few extra words.
everyone has experienced struggling to hear at some point. so i think when people find out about someone's hearing loss, they think "oh it's like when i can't hear but a little quieter." they don't understand how simply not seeing the person speaking can be crippling or just completely impossible to hear. that's not how it is for them.
i don't know how old you are now, but part of the struggle is deafness being associated with old age unless the person was born profoundly deaf. i don't know why it's one or the other for people but it seems that way to me. the fact that you are speaking in a vocal conversation also makes it very easy for people to forget, or choose to forget, that you have a disability and are putting more effort into communicating than they are.
this is what i have learned from navigating the corporate world: **let them see the fuck out of your deafness.** don't compromise on being included or change your behaviors to protect your peers from embarrassment. you don't have to constantly confront and remind people, just let your tools and cues be noticeable.
* jump when someone comes up behind you.
* lean wayyyy the hell in when someone isn't projecting. cup your ear with your hand and strain your face.
* don't give up on someone who's repeating badly. say "i'm sorry, what?" over and over, and react to it like it's the first time you heard it when you finally get it.
* laugh loud at a joke, even if it's when your brain just takes a little longer to put the context clues together.
* don't back down when someone seems a little uneasy about you staring at their mouth.
* always pay attention — by this i mean don't find yourself saying "sorry, i wasn't listening." never ignore anyone. feel free to tell people that you never ignore anyone because your brain is wired to always listen when you can.
* train the people you work with — you probably already do this. "15? did you say one five or one six?" "t as in tom? (while gesturing a t)" "you said we were meeting someone at the something at 3:30?"
* if everyone is sitting on one side of the meeting table, sit on the opposite side so you can see everyone. you can even ask people to move.
* my favorite is to remind people that when they interrupt each other, i lose them. people love this because they hate being interrupted in the first place.
just be your happy self. people will get used to it, and eventually, they will support and protect you just out of habit. the ones who don't will be shamed by those who have gotten to know you.
you have a disability, and your workplace has to accommodate you by law. if your ignorant coworker continues, you can tell hr that you are concerned that a coworker is not accomodating you by waiting to catch your eye before speaking. they won't want to deal with that situation escalating to a legal issue.
&#x200b;
**tl;dr: i'm deaf too and i got a little passionate. you have every right to use your tools.**
&#x200b;
oh and nta :)
|
nta - just like i can't help what my hears hear, you can't help what your eyes see.
these corona masks must be a real kick in the teeth for you, do you also sign?
|
nta. you aren't obligated to tell anyone you can read lips, and she was being incredibly rude for taking advantage of your lack of hearing and talking in front of you thinking you wouldn't notice.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened pre covid btw. i've had hearing loss for most of my life , but it was diagnosed when i was about 7 years old. so i learned to read lips at the same time i was learning to speak. i'm very proficient in reading lips. whenever i work with someone new, i make sure to let them know that i have hearing loss and to make sure that they are facing me and i'm aware they're talkin to me. i've never actually mentioned to any co-workers that i could read lips & but i'm pretty sure most of them at least suspect it strongly. a new co-worker started and i did my customary introduction and disclaimer about my hearing. i don't think she believed me because she got very offended when i ignored her. the problem being she was trying to get my attention from behind me and i genuinely did not hear her. once someone got my attention i apologize to her and pointed out that i did have hearing loss and i wasn't aware that she was talking to me. a few days later she was venting to a mutual coworker. the only problem was she was facing me and i could read her lips perfectly. after a few minutes i approached her and let her know that if she was going to s*** talk someone she needed to make sure they couldn't understand her and that i was reading her lips the entire time. i told her i was upset that she wouldn't just come to me, and that i did tell her twice that i was partially deaf and couldn't hear her. she freaked out because apparently i was being rude by reading her lips when she was facing me
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened pre covid btw. i've had hearing loss for most of my life , but it was diagnosed when i was about 7 years old. so i learned to read lips at the same time i was learning to speak. i'm very proficient in reading lips. whenever i work with someone new, i make sure to let them know that i have hearing loss and to make sure that they are facing me and i'm aware they're talkin to me. i've never actually mentioned to any co-workers that i could read lips & but i'm pretty sure most of them at least suspect it strongly. a new co-worker started and i did my customary introduction and disclaimer about my hearing. i don't think she believed me because she got very offended when i ignored her. the problem being she was trying to get my attention from behind me and i genuinely did not hear her. once someone got my attention i apologize to her and pointed out that i did have hearing loss and i wasn't aware that she was talking to me. a few days later she was venting to a mutual coworker. the only problem was she was facing me and i could read her lips perfectly. after a few minutes i approached her and let her know that if she was going to s*** talk someone she needed to make sure they couldn't understand her and that i was reading her lips the entire time. i told her i was upset that she wouldn't just come to me, and that i did tell her twice that i was partially deaf and couldn't hear her. she freaked out because apparently i was being rude by reading her lips when she was facing me [/INST] nta. sounds like you taught her a very important lesson and she was embarrassed. glad you called her out and stuck up for yourself. </s>
|
AITA for banning alcohol from Christmas.
|
my husbands family likes to drink. every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine/cocktails. i hate drinking i have never drank my father was an alcoholic i think it’s childish if you can’t have fun without drinking.
this year i’m hosting christmas for a change i decided since it’s at my house no alcohol allowed we are all getting older and it’s time to grow up.
my husbands sister called to ask what she could bring. she saw a recipe for a christmas martini that she wanted to bring. i told her about my no alcohol rule. she didn’t say much but must have told the rest of the family. some of them started texting me asking me if i was serious and saying that it is lame. but i’m not budging.
now it turns out my husbands sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. it’s so disrespectful all because they would have to spend one day sober.
my husband told me he talked to his sister and we are invited to her gathering and he said we should just go and stop causing issues but i won’t it’s so rude.
now husband is mad because i’m making him stay home and spend christmas with me but it was my turn to host and i chose to have a no alcohol they could have dealt with it for one year.
| 24,707 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zalhix/aita_for_banning_alcohol_from_christmas/
|
2022-12-02 12:57:08
|
yta and the grinch who stole boozemas
|
yta for having a fit when no one wants to attend your optional gathering where alcohol is banned because you personally think it's childish. now all your in-laws know that you think they're immature alcoholics, so why on earth would you expect them to go to your dinner when you think that about them? no less on a holiday where yes, most people expect there to be festive alcoholic drinks served.
i don't even drink at dinners outside my home because i'm always driving home after, but i sure wouldn't attend one like yours. ya turkey ain't that good.
|
kindly, yta. i understand where you come from. but you need to understand where other people come from too.
it's not your wedding or your birthday : this celebration is not about you and your wants. it's a celebration to bring people together.
most people work hard all year and rarely get to see their family. when they do, they want to relax and celebrate. it sucks, but yes, alcohol is part of this. i get that you don't want to see people dead drunk in your house : but there is an healthy "a couple of drinks" in between.
|
yta for a variety of reasons.
1. for unilaterally banning alcohol. it’s presumably your husbands house too so why didn’t you have a discussion with him?
2. for getting mad that someone else decided to host christmas after they found out you banned alcohol. an invitation is not a summons and you’re imposing rules a lot of people don’t want to follow on the holidays.
3. from not allowing your husband to celebrate christmas with his family. that’s not your decision to make.
4. for your overall attitude around your ils and drinking. having a few drinks for the holidays is okay, it’s not a gross or nasty thing that we should judge.
|
yta because you made an executive decision for everyone else and now you're pouting because they found a way around you. that type of behavior is childish as well. you can make rules for your home. you can choose to not drink and not like to be around drinking. nobody else has to be forced to come in line with your expectations. they are allowed to do as they please, elsewhere.
|
as a non-drinker who also saw my share of alcoholism, i totally understand where you are coming from.
but unless something very specific has happened that you can point to, or you established up front that you wanted to host alcohol-free gatherings, yta for making such a major change to the rules and expecting his family to fall in line. christmas is not about you--it's about family, friendship, tradition, and celebrating together, and you chose to marry into a family in which alcohol is an integral part of their tradition. and your childish and "it's time to grow up" comments are judgmental and downright sanctimonious.
i almost gave this an e s h because your husband wasn't fully supporting you, but it seems like you didn't actually discuss this rule change with him, and he does have a right to have input into something major like this.
|
info:. have any past christmases/events been absolutely ruined because of alcohol?
by that i mean violence, drama, puking on the floor, whatever?
if not, this is a pretty strange rule to implement with your husband's family. they have nothing to do with your father being an alcoholic. if my boyfriend told my mother she can't drink wine with her christmas supper i would find that weird as hell.
yta unless something truly awful happened previously due to alcohol that would explain this.
|
i was hovering between n a h and yta, but i’m going to go with yta.
the reason i’d say n a h is because you can set the rules at your house-they can choose not to attend because of it.
however, i do think yta because of your attitudes towards people who drink, your judgmental attitude, for shoving your husband in the middle, and for thinking everyone else is ta because they don’t want to make the same choices you do. you’re banning alcohol because you personally think it’s childish, you’re judging people who drink, and you’re surprised they don’t want to get together with you? neither would i, and not because you’re not serving alcohol, but because of your snobby, holier-than-thou attitude. you think you’re better than them because you don’t drink-or at the very least, that’s the vibe you’re giving off.
|
you get a dry xmas, they get a merry xmas. your husband unfortunately is stuck with you.
|
it sounds like you’re projecting your trauma onto everyone. yta, go to therapy
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
| 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husbands family likes to drink. every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine/cocktails. i hate drinking i have never drank my father was an alcoholic i think it’s childish if you can’t have fun without drinking. this year i’m hosting christmas for a change i decided since it’s at my house no alcohol allowed we are all getting older and it’s time to grow up. my husbands sister called to ask what she could bring. she saw a recipe for a christmas martini that she wanted to bring. i told her about my no alcohol rule. she didn’t say much but must have told the rest of the family. some of them started texting me asking me if i was serious and saying that it is lame. but i’m not budging. now it turns out my husbands sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. it’s so disrespectful all because they would have to spend one day sober. my husband told me he talked to his sister and we are invited to her gathering and he said we should just go and stop causing issues but i won’t it’s so rude. now husband is mad because i’m making him stay home and spend christmas with me but it was my turn to host and i chose to have a no alcohol they could have dealt with it for one year.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husbands family likes to drink. every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine/cocktails. i hate drinking i have never drank my father was an alcoholic i think it’s childish if you can’t have fun without drinking. this year i’m hosting christmas for a change i decided since it’s at my house no alcohol allowed we are all getting older and it’s time to grow up. my husbands sister called to ask what she could bring. she saw a recipe for a christmas martini that she wanted to bring. i told her about my no alcohol rule. she didn’t say much but must have told the rest of the family. some of them started texting me asking me if i was serious and saying that it is lame. but i’m not budging. now it turns out my husbands sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. it’s so disrespectful all because they would have to spend one day sober. my husband told me he talked to his sister and we are invited to her gathering and he said we should just go and stop causing issues but i won’t it’s so rude. now husband is mad because i’m making him stay home and spend christmas with me but it was my turn to host and i chose to have a no alcohol they could have dealt with it for one year. [/INST] yta and the grinch who stole boozemas </s>
|
AITA for not letting my roommate wear something she stole from me?
|
last night my roommate was about to leave for some fancy dinner she was attending at her boyfriend’s parent’s house and i noticed she was wearing my dress. i asked her if it was mine and she said yes. i asked her if she had gone into my room while i wasn’t there and taken it and she sheepishly said yes. just to be clear, we don’t have that kind of relationship, we’re friendly but not friends, so this felt like a huge violation. i told her to take it off and find something else to wear. she began crying and said she had nothing else to wear that would work for the event. i said too bad if she had asked me first it would have been a totally different story. i’m not cool with her just taking my things without permission. she ended up having a temper tantrum and not going. her boyfriend texted me later on and said i was an asshole. aita here?
| 24,686 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i6hs86/aita_for_not_letting_my_roommate_wear_something/
|
2020-08-09 11:24:11
|
nta lol, she’s a thief who’s trying to guilt-trip you. people like that are just looking for people to take advantage of. they want you to think you’re the ah so they can pull stuff like this on you again in the future.
|
nta. get a lock and key for your door
|
>she ended up having a temper tantrum and not going
nta. this is her fault 100%, all she had to do was ask first.
|
nta you are definitely not the asshole your roommate stole from you and then threw a tantrum when you asked for your dress back. she sounds extremely entitled.
|
nta, and this still wouldn't be fine if you were friends. you ask before you use someone else's things?
|
her boyfriend texted you because she couldn't look presentable enough for dinner at his parents house? i feel like it's not exactly your task to provide her with nice clothes if he has that kind of standards. nta.
|
nta. i would be looking for a new roommate. that is a huge violation of trust.
|
nta.
wtf. she didn't have the basic decency to ask you if she could borrow it. she invaded your privacy - *when you weren't home* and then has the audacity to blame you for her not going to that dinner and not herself? yeesh.
|
info- how are you sharing a lease with a toddler?
|
classic aita. obviously you’re not and know it. why are friends and family always getting involved and calling the op in these stories?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last night my roommate was about to leave for some fancy dinner she was attending at her boyfriend’s parent’s house and i noticed she was wearing my dress. i asked her if it was mine and she said yes. i asked her if she had gone into my room while i wasn’t there and taken it and she sheepishly said yes. just to be clear, we don’t have that kind of relationship, we’re friendly but not friends, so this felt like a huge violation. i told her to take it off and find something else to wear. she began crying and said she had nothing else to wear that would work for the event. i said too bad if she had asked me first it would have been a totally different story. i’m not cool with her just taking my things without permission. she ended up having a temper tantrum and not going. her boyfriend texted me later on and said i was an asshole. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last night my roommate was about to leave for some fancy dinner she was attending at her boyfriend’s parent’s house and i noticed she was wearing my dress. i asked her if it was mine and she said yes. i asked her if she had gone into my room while i wasn’t there and taken it and she sheepishly said yes. just to be clear, we don’t have that kind of relationship, we’re friendly but not friends, so this felt like a huge violation. i told her to take it off and find something else to wear. she began crying and said she had nothing else to wear that would work for the event. i said too bad if she had asked me first it would have been a totally different story. i’m not cool with her just taking my things without permission. she ended up having a temper tantrum and not going. her boyfriend texted me later on and said i was an asshole. aita here? [/INST] nta lol, she’s a thief who’s trying to guilt-trip you. people like that are just looking for people to take advantage of. they want you to think you’re the ah so they can pull stuff like this on you again in the future. </s>
|
AITA for calling my husband unreasonable for canceling the holiday trip just because me and the kids coupdn't help him in an emergency?
|
my husband and i have been together for 4 years. i have two kids (17m /19f). and their half brother is 3 years old.
this past week. my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. my husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there.
he came home and was lashing out on everybody. calling us selfish and unfeeling. i tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. he scolded me as well but i told him i couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend.
he yelled some more than told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for christmas this year. the two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. i called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. he refused to discuss it later. now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying "good riddance"
*edit my husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. that's why i went to see my brother at the restaurant. the kids aren't used to watching their brother when neither parent is home.*
*update my husband just told us that he'll be spending christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so i feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. he's now choosing to basically abandon us on christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.*
| 24,679 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zbguxp/aita_for_calling_my_husband_unreasonable_for/
|
2022-12-03 13:56:13
|
yta
let’s fix the title of your post:
my husband canceled our holiday trip because my kids & i are unreasonable & he just found out that we couldn’t care less about him or his family
edit — thank you kind award givers!
eta more — seriously, op stop adding edits!! you are so far away from being helpful to anyone, including yourself in this situation. just stop. it appears you & your older kids will be getting consequences this year for christmas
|
yta
medical emergency > hanging out
medical emergency > studying
medical emergency > lunchie munchies
|
yta
when there's a family emergency, you drop everything to help. meeting your brother's girlfriend for the first time is not a valid excuse not to go watch the 3yo, i mean wtf? clearly you put your husband very low on your list of priorities.
i don't blame him for cancelling, you guys don't deserve it.
|
yta and the two kids, its not that you couldn't help him its that you wouldn't help him and actions have consequences, if you don't do the work you don't get the reward
|
yta
>i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time.
and you are his mother??
>he refused because he was going out with friends.
it was a f emergency and you turned your back to your husband and your son. you three, especially you op, are shocking.
poor guys, what a horrible family they have.
you'd be lucky if he only cancels the holydays
eta thanks for all the upvotes and to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment!
eta2 thank you, u/blonderoastme, for the award!
eta3: an update from op:
>he's now choosing to basically _abandon_ us on christmas and also _keep our son away from me and his siblings_
are you serious?
you three abandoned your husband.
you three kept the toddler away from you.
honestly, don't you think you have made enough damage to your image?
and yes, be prepared,most probably you're going to be served papers sooner or later.
congrats.
eta4: thanks u/arcana013 for the award
eta5: thanks to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment
eta6: thanks u/kittenspangles
|
just to add, the 3yo is your son too. your husband had a genuine emergency, and instead of reacting with compassion you had to stay at the restaurant? this doesn’t even add up. the father’s wife had to watch the toddler while her husband was being treated? if this is real, i’m going with yta.
|
[deleted]
|
yta. any single one of you could, and should have dropped what you were doing. you were all selfish. nothing any of you were doing was life and death, meanwhile what your husband was dealing with could have been. you all suck. that poor man has no support from his own damn family
|
yikes...yta (you, your son and your daughter). and i don't blame him for canceling the trip. seems to me you 3 are very self-centered.
also, isn't this your son as well? sorry, but i think you could have easily picked up your kid for lunch and / or invited your brother and his girlfriend back to your place to watch him.
the same goes to your son and daughter. your son could have canceled hanging out with his friends for one day, and your daughter was home and could have easily watched him.
you 3 made things more difficult and stressful for your husband and not only that, were you not even concerned for your fil?
|
congratulations on raising 2 kids who are exactly like you. selfish.
it was a medical emergency.
i divorced my husband over a medical emergency when he left me hanging.
enjoy your single life.
yta
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i have been together for 4 years. i have two kids (17m /19f). and their half brother is 3 years old. this past week. my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. my husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there. he came home and was lashing out on everybody. calling us selfish and unfeeling. i tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. he scolded me as well but i told him i couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend. he yelled some more than told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for christmas this year. the two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. i called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. he refused to discuss it later. now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying "good riddance" *edit my husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. that's why i went to see my brother at the restaurant. the kids aren't used to watching their brother when neither parent is home.* *update my husband just told us that he'll be spending christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so i feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. he's now choosing to basically abandon us on christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.*
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been together for 4 years. i have two kids (17m /19f). and their half brother is 3 years old. this past week. my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. my husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there. he came home and was lashing out on everybody. calling us selfish and unfeeling. i tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. he scolded me as well but i told him i couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend. he yelled some more than told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for christmas this year. the two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. i called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. he refused to discuss it later. now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying "good riddance" *edit my husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. that's why i went to see my brother at the restaurant. the kids aren't used to watching their brother when neither parent is home.* *update my husband just told us that he'll be spending christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so i feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. he's now choosing to basically abandon us on christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.* [/INST] yta let’s fix the title of your post: my husband canceled our holiday trip because my kids & i are unreasonable & he just found out that we couldn’t care less about him or his family edit — thank you kind award givers! eta more — seriously, op stop adding edits!! you are so far away from being helpful to anyone, including yourself in this situation. just stop. it appears you & your older kids will be getting consequences this year for christmas </s>
|
AITA for calling out a secretary and threatening to report her to her manager after she revealed health information?
|
i got a needle stick injury at work (im a healthcare worker) and my family doctor filled out a lab requisition for baseline bloodwork to be done. one of the tests is hiv.
i went to an external lab to get it done because my family md office is closed. it’s a typical diagnostics lab. in the waiting area there are 5 other people sitting down.
i go to the secretary and hand her the req forms. she takes them, checks me in, and i sit down.
after 10 minutes she calls me back calling out my first name and says, “ma’am there’s an issue with the hiv test form.”
everybody in the waiting area heard and gave me looks. i go up to her, very angry, i told her you cannot just announce people’s personal health information like that.
she says, “oh its ok, you are getting tested just because of a workplace injury.” i told her that’s fine, but other people don’t know that. what if i had to get tested for hiv for a more personal reason? what if somebody who knew me was in the waiting area and heard i was getting tested?
she apologized but i told her i will be calling her manager and informing them of the incident. she rolled her eyes and said “go ahead.” in a mocking tone.
i told my husband what happened and he said maybe i should cut her some slack. but i told him, revealing personal health information is a huge violation. its something that was drilled into me as a healthcare worker. i am appalled that the secretary was so blasé about it. i don’t care if she gets reprimanded or loses her job, this is not something to mess around with.
aita?
| 24,621 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/maq68x/aita_for_calling_out_a_secretary_and_threatening/
|
2021-03-22 15:24:58
|
nta that’s a hipaa violation (if in the us), she can and should be fired for this. keeping health thing private is very important
|
nta i'm admin staff in a health care setting and we know better than that. don't just threaten actually call the manager and if they don't do anything escalate and escalate until someone does
|
nta. that's why hippa laws exist. i would definitely file a complaint.
|
nta. what she did is a huge privacy violation and is illegal almost everywhere. this can wreck people's lives.
the fact she clearly didn't care shows she does this sort of thing all the time. you would be ta if you didn't report her.
|
lmao, no! you are nta. first, she violates both the rules, and your privacy by talking about your personal medical info in a setting with people around. secondly, she has the gull to start being disrespectful to you afterwards.
|
nta
it isn't like she said "there's an issue with your cancer test form." hiv still has a stigma around it that has connotations of promiscuity and other "deviant" sexual behavior.
**obviously this is not true, but unfortunately this is the world we live in**
and beyond that it doesn't matter. if you were there to get a hangnail pulled out, no one needs to know. the attitude was the icing on the cake, report her.
|
nta! her behavior was wildly unprofessional (not to mention illegal under hipaa). i think her inability to understand how serious her error was and apologize mean she should seek employment in another field, preferably one where she can't ruin people's lives or reputations.
|
nta. not only did she choose to be careless with private patient information, but she was entirely unapologetic and unprofessional in the aftermath. she showed no remorse or concern for her misconduct, and that is a problem.
sure, if she gets fired you may feel bad, but you will also know that she got fired because the manager of that practice doesn't want the risk of their patients' privacy to be compromised. based on her attitude, she clearly has no intention of correcting her behavior in the future. would you feel better if you said nothing and she caused problems for another patients and/or got the practice sued?
|
nta. if you raised the issue, and she didn't even apologize, then there's no reason for you to cut her some slack.
|
nta
if anything, you're doing the business a huge favor. this secretary is responsible for handling sensitive hipaa protected information, and if they are this careless about protecting that information, this employee likely represents a substantial liability to their employer.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i got a needle stick injury at work (im a healthcare worker) and my family doctor filled out a lab requisition for baseline bloodwork to be done. one of the tests is hiv. i went to an external lab to get it done because my family md office is closed. it’s a typical diagnostics lab. in the waiting area there are 5 other people sitting down. i go to the secretary and hand her the req forms. she takes them, checks me in, and i sit down. after 10 minutes she calls me back calling out my first name and says, “ma’am there’s an issue with the hiv test form.” everybody in the waiting area heard and gave me looks. i go up to her, very angry, i told her you cannot just announce people’s personal health information like that. she says, “oh its ok, you are getting tested just because of a workplace injury.” i told her that’s fine, but other people don’t know that. what if i had to get tested for hiv for a more personal reason? what if somebody who knew me was in the waiting area and heard i was getting tested? she apologized but i told her i will be calling her manager and informing them of the incident. she rolled her eyes and said “go ahead.” in a mocking tone. i told my husband what happened and he said maybe i should cut her some slack. but i told him, revealing personal health information is a huge violation. its something that was drilled into me as a healthcare worker. i am appalled that the secretary was so blasé about it. i don’t care if she gets reprimanded or loses her job, this is not something to mess around with. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i got a needle stick injury at work (im a healthcare worker) and my family doctor filled out a lab requisition for baseline bloodwork to be done. one of the tests is hiv. i went to an external lab to get it done because my family md office is closed. it’s a typical diagnostics lab. in the waiting area there are 5 other people sitting down. i go to the secretary and hand her the req forms. she takes them, checks me in, and i sit down. after 10 minutes she calls me back calling out my first name and says, “ma’am there’s an issue with the hiv test form.” everybody in the waiting area heard and gave me looks. i go up to her, very angry, i told her you cannot just announce people’s personal health information like that. she says, “oh its ok, you are getting tested just because of a workplace injury.” i told her that’s fine, but other people don’t know that. what if i had to get tested for hiv for a more personal reason? what if somebody who knew me was in the waiting area and heard i was getting tested? she apologized but i told her i will be calling her manager and informing them of the incident. she rolled her eyes and said “go ahead.” in a mocking tone. i told my husband what happened and he said maybe i should cut her some slack. but i told him, revealing personal health information is a huge violation. its something that was drilled into me as a healthcare worker. i am appalled that the secretary was so blasé about it. i don’t care if she gets reprimanded or loses her job, this is not something to mess around with. aita? [/INST] nta that’s a hipaa violation (if in the us), she can and should be fired for this. keeping health thing private is very important </s>
|
AITA for not letting my niece host her wedding at my "castle"?
|
28 years ago my wife and i combined our savings (most of which came from inheritance after my father's passing) and bought our "castle" in southern europe. it was actually a derelict farmhouse with some land but it has a small turret so our family has always referred to it as the castle. my wife and i decided we'd rather have a small, basic house in our home country and focus our time and resources readying the castle for us to retire in and for our children to enjoy.
it took years but around the time our eldest was born it was finally finished. it's not massive; 5 bedrooms and a small pool in the gardens but it is our paradise. we've always allowed our families and friends to use it whenever they please, and have spent every summer vacation staying there with our children.
our only stipulation when people stay there is that the master bedroom is off limits. it takes up most of the 3rd floor with the remaining bedrooms on the 2nd floor. a lot of my and my wife's belongings are in there, and it's also the room we have shared together for over twenty years.
recently my niece got engaged and held an engagement party on zoom at the weekend. when asked what ideas they'd had so far she excitedly told me they'd actually been planning to ask us if they could hold the wedding at the castle.
i was a bit taken aback but didn't want to outright refuse. i joked it would have to be a rather small wedding since they'd struggle to fit more than 25 people in the gardens. she gushed that she'd already thought it through and they'd put up canopies in the field nearby (we don't own that land) and if all the guests stayed in hotels in the town she would arrange transport for "us all to get to the villa".
my wife and i bit our tongues not wanting to make a fuss during their engament celebration. but later when my niece texted me to repeat what she'd said i asked her to clarify the sleeping arrangements and after some back and forth it came to light she plans to use the master bedroom as the bridal suite and for the wedding party to have the remaining rooms. my wife, children and i would have to stay elsewhere.
i slept on my decision and spoke with my wife. on sunday i responded and politely refused, saying it's too small and we aren't comfortable having anyone in our room. both she and my sister blew up at me telling me i was ruining her wedding and she'd always dreamed of marrying at the castle. my sister even said since i used my inheritance it's "family property" which is obviously ridiculous.
eta when we texted her on sunday we offered a compromise: no master bedroom, and either get permission/insurances to use the fields, or reduce guest count to 25. we even offered to host a small rehearsal too but she rejected the offers. that is when we outright refused
| 24,590 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jskty5/aita_for_not_letting_my_niece_host_her_wedding_at/
|
2020-11-12 01:02:15
|
nta - do you know what your sister bought with her part of the inheritance? if so, good news, it's yours now. be sure to let her know.
|
nta. you offered a compromise, but she has refused. this isn’t just an extra property that you rent out, it is your second home and where you plan on retiring. although i don’t think it would be the end of the earth to accommodate them, the fact they expect you and your immediate family to rent hotel rooms to attend a wedding in your property is ridiculous.
also, all these plans hinge on her getting access to property that you don’t own to host canopies. and not to mention that she will need access to the castle ahead of time to set up all the vendors and do walk through. it is a bigger commitment and expense than she realizes.
just an aside, you would also have to get some sort of event insurance policy to cover anyone getting injured or driving drunk or damaging the neighboring property. something to consider too.
|
nta
it’s your property and they shouldn’t expect your whole family to vacate the property so they can have a wedding in your home. that’s incredibly selfish.
|
nta. you took the high road multiple times here. during the zoom meeting you bit your tongue. you slept on your decision without making it; and now your family has the audacity to make you feel bad?
i would have a discussion with them on where you draw your boundaries; because, they clearly crossed it by planning an entire wedding that banked on a property that isn't theirs.
|
if you and your family are staying at the castle she can’t pretend to be a princess on her wedding day. my guess is that she has been bragging about her “family castle” to all her friends and would have to come clean to her friends about the fact that she has only stayed there as a guest. that’s why she won’t accept any of the compromises you’ve offered.
|
nta. it isn't a family property. it is yours, and you have been generous. no one should demand your room. plus, it should be that your family goes to a hotel.
|
nta. your niece is so entitled. she expects you to host her wedding without even asking you first before telling everyone and then expects you to give up your whole house for it. then expects whoever owns the land near you to just let her use without even asking. she has no right to just expect these things and then get upset about. it’s your house.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. as you've stated the castle yard is too small and her using the fields, you don't own, hinge on the owner agreeing. what if the owner of the fields says "no" is she going to put the canopies up anyway. you know what will *really* ruin her dream wedding? the police showing up and telling everyone to get off the land or be arrested for trespassing.
niece and your sister need a reality check, especially since the "fields" that they want to use for the wedding are actually olive groves (as you've mentioned in another comment). the olive farmer isn't going to want people trampling their plants.
|
info: why does she have to "use the master bedroom as the bridal suite" and provide accommodation in your home for the bridal party? can't they stay in hotels?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 28 years ago my wife and i combined our savings (most of which came from inheritance after my father's passing) and bought our "castle" in southern europe. it was actually a derelict farmhouse with some land but it has a small turret so our family has always referred to it as the castle. my wife and i decided we'd rather have a small, basic house in our home country and focus our time and resources readying the castle for us to retire in and for our children to enjoy. it took years but around the time our eldest was born it was finally finished. it's not massive; 5 bedrooms and a small pool in the gardens but it is our paradise. we've always allowed our families and friends to use it whenever they please, and have spent every summer vacation staying there with our children. our only stipulation when people stay there is that the master bedroom is off limits. it takes up most of the 3rd floor with the remaining bedrooms on the 2nd floor. a lot of my and my wife's belongings are in there, and it's also the room we have shared together for over twenty years. recently my niece got engaged and held an engagement party on zoom at the weekend. when asked what ideas they'd had so far she excitedly told me they'd actually been planning to ask us if they could hold the wedding at the castle. i was a bit taken aback but didn't want to outright refuse. i joked it would have to be a rather small wedding since they'd struggle to fit more than 25 people in the gardens. she gushed that she'd already thought it through and they'd put up canopies in the field nearby (we don't own that land) and if all the guests stayed in hotels in the town she would arrange transport for "us all to get to the villa". my wife and i bit our tongues not wanting to make a fuss during their engament celebration. but later when my niece texted me to repeat what she'd said i asked her to clarify the sleeping arrangements and after some back and forth it came to light she plans to use the master bedroom as the bridal suite and for the wedding party to have the remaining rooms. my wife, children and i would have to stay elsewhere. i slept on my decision and spoke with my wife. on sunday i responded and politely refused, saying it's too small and we aren't comfortable having anyone in our room. both she and my sister blew up at me telling me i was ruining her wedding and she'd always dreamed of marrying at the castle. my sister even said since i used my inheritance it's "family property" which is obviously ridiculous. eta when we texted her on sunday we offered a compromise: no master bedroom, and either get permission/insurances to use the fields, or reduce guest count to 25. we even offered to host a small rehearsal too but she rejected the offers. that is when we outright refused
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
28 years ago my wife and i combined our savings (most of which came from inheritance after my father's passing) and bought our "castle" in southern europe. it was actually a derelict farmhouse with some land but it has a small turret so our family has always referred to it as the castle. my wife and i decided we'd rather have a small, basic house in our home country and focus our time and resources readying the castle for us to retire in and for our children to enjoy. it took years but around the time our eldest was born it was finally finished. it's not massive; 5 bedrooms and a small pool in the gardens but it is our paradise. we've always allowed our families and friends to use it whenever they please, and have spent every summer vacation staying there with our children. our only stipulation when people stay there is that the master bedroom is off limits. it takes up most of the 3rd floor with the remaining bedrooms on the 2nd floor. a lot of my and my wife's belongings are in there, and it's also the room we have shared together for over twenty years. recently my niece got engaged and held an engagement party on zoom at the weekend. when asked what ideas they'd had so far she excitedly told me they'd actually been planning to ask us if they could hold the wedding at the castle. i was a bit taken aback but didn't want to outright refuse. i joked it would have to be a rather small wedding since they'd struggle to fit more than 25 people in the gardens. she gushed that she'd already thought it through and they'd put up canopies in the field nearby (we don't own that land) and if all the guests stayed in hotels in the town she would arrange transport for "us all to get to the villa". my wife and i bit our tongues not wanting to make a fuss during their engament celebration. but later when my niece texted me to repeat what she'd said i asked her to clarify the sleeping arrangements and after some back and forth it came to light she plans to use the master bedroom as the bridal suite and for the wedding party to have the remaining rooms. my wife, children and i would have to stay elsewhere. i slept on my decision and spoke with my wife. on sunday i responded and politely refused, saying it's too small and we aren't comfortable having anyone in our room. both she and my sister blew up at me telling me i was ruining her wedding and she'd always dreamed of marrying at the castle. my sister even said since i used my inheritance it's "family property" which is obviously ridiculous. eta when we texted her on sunday we offered a compromise: no master bedroom, and either get permission/insurances to use the fields, or reduce guest count to 25. we even offered to host a small rehearsal too but she rejected the offers. that is when we outright refused [/INST] nta - do you know what your sister bought with her part of the inheritance? if so, good news, it's yours now. be sure to let her know. </s>
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my inheritance?
|
my grandpa passed away a few months ago and i inherited a little over $4 million from his estate. i had no idea he had that much money and was honestly not expecting to receive anything, as i assumed it would all go to my mom.
after i got over the initial shock, i took the opportunity to finally quit my job (which i really hated), as i don’t have any outstanding debts and can easily live off of $40,000 a year. i’m pretty introverted and am more than happy to stay at home working on art/music/other interests and gaming.
ever since i inherited the money, my boyfriend has been pressuring me to cover all of the rent and utilities (about $1200 a month) for our apartment and start putting money away into a joint savings fund. i would be happy to do this if we were married, but we’re not. we’ve only been dating for a year and a half, and i would prefer to keep our finances separate. despite not working anymore, i still pay my half of the rent every month and have started paying for a housekeeper to come in and clean a few times a week, so our apartment is nearly always spotless and looks great.
i told my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my money and he said i was being selfish for expecting him to still contribute to the rent when i could easily afford to pay for the whole thing. aita?
| 24,570 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f2wl3j/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_he_isnt_entitled_to/
|
2020-02-12 19:30:13
|
nta as you’re not married - i’d be very wary of marrying him though at this stage if this is his instant reaction to your finances.
get some urgent legal advice on the precise law where you are regarding locking up your money into a trust with named beneficiaries (you and any future children), cohab agreements, common law marriage (if it exists where you are) and anything else which a decent lawyer will know.
|
nta
judgement aside, stop renting an apartment and buy a house (yourself, not with the boyfriend).
i know this isn't a finance subreddit, but continuing to rent when you could buy property instead is a huge mistake.
also, you say you can live off of "$40,000 a year" which i assume is you dividing the $4m by 100 for a safety margin. if you were to invest your money instead and take the "safe withdrawal" standard of 4%, you're looking closer to $160,000 a year of passive income while preserving the $4m investment.
|
i’m sorry but esh, woah boy i’ll get some hate for this.
a year and a half isn’t that long. it really can be an awkward stage in any relationship, been there myself. but having been in a really long term relationship, at some point you have to decide. if your really in it for the long run.
he’s definitely the asshole here for pressuring you, it’s not a decision that needs to be made now, your still adjusting, and getting comfortable with how you want to spend your time.
but your the asshole because your thinking about yourself.
reddit and specifically the wider commentators in /r/amitheasshole have this weird view of social and relationship norms, that don’t actually reflect the real world. yes it’s your money to do with what you want, yes he isn’t entitled to it, yes legally he can’t really do anything. but that’s not how love really works.
you need to think about what the money you have can do to better both of your lives and your relationship.
do you want kids? do you want to buy a house together? do you want to travel together? do you have dreams that you have and want to realize together as a couple?
it sounds like you’ve made the unilatteral decision to quit your old life for a new one. to explore yourself and spend all of your time doing things that make you happy. which is great, and fantastic, but you should have had, especially in a relationship your commited to, a serious discussion about what you should do moving forward.
is he in a job he loves? would the money from the rent releive pressure on him? allow him to focus on other areas that allow him to be a better partner? in turn adding to your relationship.
relationships are harder i think, as they go grow longer. they start to transition from that honeymoon phase of love and lust to more give and take, sacrifice, and bettering eachother. beacuse this is the one person *you have * decided to invest in.
you have created this post for validation of your decision beacuse i think you know that your ignoring alot of things that are deeper and more **real** then a reddit post could ever solve.
edit** thanks for the gold
|
esh just my opinion, don't take it to heart. if you've been with him for a year and a half and he's never asked for more money, he's not a gold digger. if you two live together already, you should be a team. he shouldn't be asking for you to pay everything and putting money in a joint account, but if you are planning to marry this guy some day i think y'all should start talking about financially building a future together. you planning to just live off the money and not work is a little selfish. he's busting his ass to pay his half, you're just using your dead grandpa's money so you don't have to bust your ass.
|
nah
it seems clear you aren't really interested in marrying this guy.
the reason i say this is because it seems all your thoughts and energy so far have been to improve and set yourself up for life, not a budding family. you guys cohabitate and have been together for a decent chunk of time, its not casual.
put yourself in his shoes. he works hard, like you did. you two were building a life together. you come into an assload of money and all you are focusing on is yourself, not the family. he has to work full time like before and watch you do whatever you want. when he asked for help with saving ( a smart way to use money, not just asking for stuff etc), you went apeshit on him. even a saint would have trouble being cool with that.
he won't be wrong for feeling that way and you aren't obligated to be that into him. but with your attitude the relationship has run its course.
|
absolutely nta. you aren’t married, so it isn’t his money. honestly, i’d be running from this relationship if i were you. if he acts like this now, imagine how he will be when he feels he has a legal right to your finances.
|
yta. i'll get rocks thrown but whatever. if i came upon 4 millions i bet you my bf wouldn't pay a single dollar on our rent. i could understand if it was something significantly expensive, but with 4 million, 600 per month is pretty much nothing for you, but it can be really big for him.
if you're in it for the long haul... maybe he wants the occasion to pay off his debts? not be a slave to a job he doesn't like either? have a change of career?
i mean at this point i think it's pretty much time to decide if it's long term or not. if it is, yeah i don't think this is fair.
|
nah
a lot of people do proportional bills when they live together.
he can ask and you can say no but it’s not unheard of.
|
info: how much does your boyfriend make? (approximately)
if you were making 100k a year and your boyfriend was making 20k a year it would not be fair if you split the rent evenly. since you don’t need to put any money away to save for retirement or any other rainy day situation then it would not be fair if he does not have that kind of opportunity because the cost of rent is too high.
if he’s not saving for retirement then he will be after your money eventually (provided you stay together).
|
nta. but you should really try to find another job and use that as you’re primary spending source. put the millions in a bank account for later and for the love of god don’t tell anyone you don’t completely trust about it. using it like this is going to be fun but people will start asking questions. i say this as someone who inherited a minuscule fraction of what you got and ended up having to hide it from people i once trusted.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.34993 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my grandpa passed away a few months ago and i inherited a little over $4 million from his estate. i had no idea he had that much money and was honestly not expecting to receive anything, as i assumed it would all go to my mom. after i got over the initial shock, i took the opportunity to finally quit my job (which i really hated), as i don’t have any outstanding debts and can easily live off of $40,000 a year. i’m pretty introverted and am more than happy to stay at home working on art/music/other interests and gaming. ever since i inherited the money, my boyfriend has been pressuring me to cover all of the rent and utilities (about $1200 a month) for our apartment and start putting money away into a joint savings fund. i would be happy to do this if we were married, but we’re not. we’ve only been dating for a year and a half, and i would prefer to keep our finances separate. despite not working anymore, i still pay my half of the rent every month and have started paying for a housekeeper to come in and clean a few times a week, so our apartment is nearly always spotless and looks great. i told my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my money and he said i was being selfish for expecting him to still contribute to the rent when i could easily afford to pay for the whole thing. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my grandpa passed away a few months ago and i inherited a little over $4 million from his estate. i had no idea he had that much money and was honestly not expecting to receive anything, as i assumed it would all go to my mom. after i got over the initial shock, i took the opportunity to finally quit my job (which i really hated), as i don’t have any outstanding debts and can easily live off of $40,000 a year. i’m pretty introverted and am more than happy to stay at home working on art/music/other interests and gaming. ever since i inherited the money, my boyfriend has been pressuring me to cover all of the rent and utilities (about $1200 a month) for our apartment and start putting money away into a joint savings fund. i would be happy to do this if we were married, but we’re not. we’ve only been dating for a year and a half, and i would prefer to keep our finances separate. despite not working anymore, i still pay my half of the rent every month and have started paying for a housekeeper to come in and clean a few times a week, so our apartment is nearly always spotless and looks great. i told my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my money and he said i was being selfish for expecting him to still contribute to the rent when i could easily afford to pay for the whole thing. aita? [/INST] nta as you’re not married - i’d be very wary of marrying him though at this stage if this is his instant reaction to your finances. get some urgent legal advice on the precise law where you are regarding locking up your money into a trust with named beneficiaries (you and any future children), cohab agreements, common law marriage (if it exists where you are) and anything else which a decent lawyer will know. </s>
|
AITA for not packing my husband's bags so he could go spend Xmas with his family without me?
|
i (f30) have been with my husband ted (m34) for 4 years and we got married 2 years ago. his family and i haven't really gotten along too well. they're rich and are all about image. i only see them on occasions but that's when the drama is at it's highest rate. last christmas ted & i traveled to spend xmas with them and it was awkward for some reason. after we went back to the hotel his mom sent me a list of all the things i've done wrong at her house like bringing wrong types of desserts and wearing "inappropriate" clothes (um i wore a blouse and leather jacket) and not standing up when guests arrived.
this year mother inlaw only sent an invitation to ted to spend xmas with family. he told me his mom didn't invite me because of my last year's "negative points" and would rather have just him there this year. i was flabbergasted i asked if he was actually considering going after his mom excluded me and he shrugged and said yes because he never spent xmas away from family his entire life and isn't "about to break the cycle now". he suggested i go out, invite regina (my best friend) over or just plan my own celebration and said "but nothing too crazy, capeesh?". i was upset but hey! if they don't want me then i shouldn't force it and tried to not feel hurt and offended.
yesterday ted came home asking if his bags were ready since it was time to go. i said i don't know and he was stunned. he freaked out saying i knew he was going to travel to his hometown and i should've packed his bags like i always do. i admit that packing his bags is what i do but only when we're traveling together and i figured since he was traveling on his own then he should pack them himself. he lost it saying i just caused him to be late and ruined all the (flight/hotel/other reservations) arrangements he had just because i was being bitter because i wasn't invited to xmas celebration with his family. we had a heated argument and he said "look, you're really overreacting right now because it's not like i'm going away on a vacation to another country to spend time with some strippers and whatnot though i'm pretty certain you wouldn't be as half pissed and agitated as you are now. i'm just going to spend time with my family and quite frankly, i don't know what it is with you anymore". then proceeded to call me petty and say i got him in trouble and "punished" him by not packing his bags for him knowing he was going to travel.
he packed his bags in a rush and ended up forgetting most of the gifts he got for his family. he's now not speaking to me. aita?
| 24,556 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rmtv59/aita_for_not_packing_my_husbands_bags_so_he_could/
|
2021-12-23 11:38:26
|
nta - change the locks while he is at his parents and hire a divorce lawyer is what i would do if my wife did what your husband did
|
nta. so let me get this straight, he is a grown up man who threw a tantrum because he had to do something himself. he is so in the wrong.
|
nta and why are you with this guy again? he wants to spend christmas with his family, but you're his family now. he doesn't defend you when his mother makes rediculous demands and he should have. and he expects you to pack his bags like a good little housewife/ maid. it doesn't sound like he respects you, or you are even a priority to him.
|
pack your bags and be gone when he comes back. he is a tool. nta.
|
yta. staying married to this man when he clearly should be married to your mother-in-law is just an asshole move. apologize when he gets back, get divorced and let those two lovebirds get on with their lives.
|
honey, here is what you do. pack up the rest of his belongings. everything! your friend regina can help. tomorrow you call and wish him merry christmas and while he is there tell him you need to look for somewhere to live. your stuff is packed and you are not coming back here. get a storage locker and put all of his stuff there. today you call a lawyer and file for divorce. your marriage is over and you have a life of hell if you even consider staying with this guy. get moving and start packing. you have plenty of time.
|
nta if i'm understanding things here correctly, your spouse was expecting you to pack his bags for a vacation you weren't invited to. as well as he just expected you to pack his stuff for him for some reason? why is he being so irresponsible and dependent? he's not a child who's going out on their very first vacation, he's supposed to be an adult.
|
the "kapeesh" alone (in that situation) would've initiated my fight or flight mode. he sounds like a real prize asshole, along with the rest of his family. nta and from my experience, around year 4 is when some partners tend to show their true colors. please do not put up with being treated like this, you deserve better. they did you a favor by not inviting you.
|
sounds like it's time to pack your own bag while he's out of town.
|
you are nta but you are in a rubbish marriage, get out now. no decent spouse would leave their partner behind after they were not invited. please take this alone time to re think things, this is not a nice relationship.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f30) have been with my husband ted (m34) for 4 years and we got married 2 years ago. his family and i haven't really gotten along too well. they're rich and are all about image. i only see them on occasions but that's when the drama is at it's highest rate. last christmas ted & i traveled to spend xmas with them and it was awkward for some reason. after we went back to the hotel his mom sent me a list of all the things i've done wrong at her house like bringing wrong types of desserts and wearing "inappropriate" clothes (um i wore a blouse and leather jacket) and not standing up when guests arrived. this year mother inlaw only sent an invitation to ted to spend xmas with family. he told me his mom didn't invite me because of my last year's "negative points" and would rather have just him there this year. i was flabbergasted i asked if he was actually considering going after his mom excluded me and he shrugged and said yes because he never spent xmas away from family his entire life and isn't "about to break the cycle now". he suggested i go out, invite regina (my best friend) over or just plan my own celebration and said "but nothing too crazy, capeesh?". i was upset but hey! if they don't want me then i shouldn't force it and tried to not feel hurt and offended. yesterday ted came home asking if his bags were ready since it was time to go. i said i don't know and he was stunned. he freaked out saying i knew he was going to travel to his hometown and i should've packed his bags like i always do. i admit that packing his bags is what i do but only when we're traveling together and i figured since he was traveling on his own then he should pack them himself. he lost it saying i just caused him to be late and ruined all the (flight/hotel/other reservations) arrangements he had just because i was being bitter because i wasn't invited to xmas celebration with his family. we had a heated argument and he said "look, you're really overreacting right now because it's not like i'm going away on a vacation to another country to spend time with some strippers and whatnot though i'm pretty certain you wouldn't be as half pissed and agitated as you are now. i'm just going to spend time with my family and quite frankly, i don't know what it is with you anymore". then proceeded to call me petty and say i got him in trouble and "punished" him by not packing his bags for him knowing he was going to travel. he packed his bags in a rush and ended up forgetting most of the gifts he got for his family. he's now not speaking to me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f30) have been with my husband ted (m34) for 4 years and we got married 2 years ago. his family and i haven't really gotten along too well. they're rich and are all about image. i only see them on occasions but that's when the drama is at it's highest rate. last christmas ted & i traveled to spend xmas with them and it was awkward for some reason. after we went back to the hotel his mom sent me a list of all the things i've done wrong at her house like bringing wrong types of desserts and wearing "inappropriate" clothes (um i wore a blouse and leather jacket) and not standing up when guests arrived. this year mother inlaw only sent an invitation to ted to spend xmas with family. he told me his mom didn't invite me because of my last year's "negative points" and would rather have just him there this year. i was flabbergasted i asked if he was actually considering going after his mom excluded me and he shrugged and said yes because he never spent xmas away from family his entire life and isn't "about to break the cycle now". he suggested i go out, invite regina (my best friend) over or just plan my own celebration and said "but nothing too crazy, capeesh?". i was upset but hey! if they don't want me then i shouldn't force it and tried to not feel hurt and offended. yesterday ted came home asking if his bags were ready since it was time to go. i said i don't know and he was stunned. he freaked out saying i knew he was going to travel to his hometown and i should've packed his bags like i always do. i admit that packing his bags is what i do but only when we're traveling together and i figured since he was traveling on his own then he should pack them himself. he lost it saying i just caused him to be late and ruined all the (flight/hotel/other reservations) arrangements he had just because i was being bitter because i wasn't invited to xmas celebration with his family. we had a heated argument and he said "look, you're really overreacting right now because it's not like i'm going away on a vacation to another country to spend time with some strippers and whatnot though i'm pretty certain you wouldn't be as half pissed and agitated as you are now. i'm just going to spend time with my family and quite frankly, i don't know what it is with you anymore". then proceeded to call me petty and say i got him in trouble and "punished" him by not packing his bags for him knowing he was going to travel. he packed his bags in a rush and ended up forgetting most of the gifts he got for his family. he's now not speaking to me. aita? [/INST] nta - change the locks while he is at his parents and hire a divorce lawyer is what i would do if my wife did what your husband did </s>
|
AITA for telling my daughter [26F] that I [55M] will not walk down the aisle with her stepdad [50M].
|
my wife and i divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since i was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. i knew from many stories i've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. this may sound immature but i made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that i was her only father and to not betray me. but i have no control over what she or they do in their home. fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. she has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me i would be the one to do it. even though i know they're very close, i don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. i am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. i got a bit angry and told her i absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy i barely know. she told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that i'm being petty over something that happened years ago. i told her i wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but i won't be there to see it.
i was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so i wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle.
| 24,502 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d4x0zs/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_26f_that_i_55m_will/
|
2019-09-16 06:52:24
|
yta - it's her day and you're already ruining shit.
|
yta
so you can't be an adult and put aside your feelings for one day for your daughter? why are you making her choose? what's so horrible about her wanting both of her father figures to walk her down the aisle? her mom remarrying a younger guy literally has nothing to do with the story. you sound jealous and bitter.
|
yta.
my own dad did this selfish shit to me and our relationship has never been the same. you made your daughter promise to be loyal to you? what kind of sick shit is that to put on your child? since becoming a parent myself, and a divorced one at that who has secondary custody, i love anyone who loves my child. how blessed your daughter would have been to have two amazing fathers by her side — but you’re too fucking wrapped in your own goddamn ego for her to have that.
|
yta, and you've clearly been one all her life.
* you made a 6 year old child promise something that you've been manipulating her with and "reminding" her about through her life
* you've clearly been bitter about your ex daring to move on and get remarried, because you "knew" they would be closer since they spent more time together. that isn't the case - you can be close to a person without spending every waking moment with them. where it becomes difficult is when they are bitter and insist of bad-mouthing the other people in your life - children are smart. she knew exactly what you were doing, and as she grew older and realised just how bitter you were, her emotions understandably caught up to your manipulation.
* you're making the one day in her life that is undoubtedly about her, about you. you're forcing her to choose, so i hope you aren't surprised when she chooses the person who brought her up with love, instead of bitterness.
having both "fathers" walking a bride down the aisle can be the most heartwarming moment ever: https://www.today.com/parents/dad-surprises-stepdad-daughters-wedding-both-walking-bride-down-aisle-t46981
but based on the person you've been since you and your ex split? i hope your daughter not only chooses the man that raised her well, but also chooses to given him the title he deserves far more than you - that of dad.
biology doesn't a father make, and your post proves that beyond a doubt. yta.
|
am i the only one who is seething in anger because of this guy? the audacity that he even asked this question. i feel so bad for his daughter for having such a shitty, petty excuse for a father.
|
yta - stop being so petty. your daughter was fortunate enough to have a step father that was active in her life. he is an addition not a replacement. she wants to acknowledge both of you. if you want to stomp your feet and have a temper tantrum you will more than likely be given a seat to watch her walk down the aisle with him. if you want to be a part of her life, your actions should reflect that. grow up.
|
yta.
the only person to blame for you not spending more time with your daughter is you. you chose work over your daughter.
it's not surprising she has grown to love someone that has pretty much helped to raise her and has been there for her, and it's unfair of you to expect to be her number 1, when you didn't make her your number 1.
she wants you at her wedding. it's her day. nothing to do with you. she wants both her fathers there to walk her down the aisle. suck it up, show your daughter that what she wants means more for that one day than what you want, and be happy for her.
if you don't go, i imagine it will possibly put a wedge in your relationship that may not be able to be fixed.
|
yta. it really takes a village to raise a child and this man treated your daughter as his own and helped foster a healthy home environment for her. holy familial alienation on your behalf. you’re literally choosing yourself over your child being healthy and happy. what you went through sucks, but this is her day and you’re kind of ruining it. she shouldn’t have to stress about appeasing your jealousy on her wedding day. the fact that she wants to give everyone who was there in supporting her growth a place in her wedding really says that she’s grown to be a wonderful woman. choose to see that. choose to be grateful that she has a family filled with people who have supported her development. i had 0 dads because every man who ever walked into my life either left me or harmed me or both. i would have given so much to have multiple sources of love in my life.
|
yta at the end of the day it’s her choice. be happy that she hasn’t chosen him over you.
family is who is there for you, not blood.
man up, shoulder your pride and do it for her because this other dude obviously means a lot to her and digging in your heels will drive a wedge in your relationship.
|
yta
walking your daughter down the aisle is a **privilege** not a **right**
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since i was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. i knew from many stories i've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. this may sound immature but i made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that i was her only father and to not betray me. but i have no control over what she or they do in their home. fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. she has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me i would be the one to do it. even though i know they're very close, i don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. i am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. i got a bit angry and told her i absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy i barely know. she told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that i'm being petty over something that happened years ago. i told her i wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but i won't be there to see it. i was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so i wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since i was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her. i knew from many stories i've heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day. this may sound immature but i made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that i was her only father and to not betray me. but i have no control over what she or they do in their home. fast forward to now my prediction came through and she's obviously closer to her step dad than me. she has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she's now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me i would be the one to do it. even though i know they're very close, i don't believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle. i am her only father, it isn't fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. i got a bit angry and told her i absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy i barely know. she told me he's done a lot for her growing up and that i'm being petty over something that happened years ago. i told her i wasn't going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but i won't be there to see it. i was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so i wanted to see other people's perspective, on if it's wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle. [/INST] yta - it's her day and you're already ruining shit. </s>
|
AITA for serving vegan food at my wedding?
|
my fiance and i are getting married in june next year. we're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. we found a vegan caterer.
when we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. we also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. the note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for.
soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. my uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. i asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. she said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. i said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal.
i explained to her that i wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means i'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) i don't want to pay for meat if i don't have to. again, i'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me.
weeks went by. the only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. my vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food.
i refused again. i told her that the food consists of things i know he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. i went through a list of ingredients i knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. what's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? i told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself mcdonalds and eat it at the kiddy table.
now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. i told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food.
i understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's one meal, that is free.
aita? i don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but i also don't want to pay for meat unless i have to. again, it's one meal out of their whole life.
| 24,459 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k0nuyg/aita_for_serving_vegan_food_at_my_wedding/
|
2020-11-25 07:50:47
|
nta. like you said, it is one meal and it’s free.
and most importantly, it is your wedding.
|
nta. your wedding for one thing. if people don’t want to eat vegan, they simply don’t have to eat the free meal. and this is coming from a meat eating guy
|
nta my cousin served vegan food at her wedding. it was delicious. your aunt is being a pain.
|
[deleted]
|
oh dear - how will i, a meat eater, ever survive without meat for less than a day? your aunt is being a big baby. can't say for sure your uncle is, since he said nothing, for all we know your aunt used him as an excuse. or maybe he's being a baby too. nta. tell her they can go to a steakhouse while the adults attend the wedding.
|
nta. even ron swanson would keep his mouth shut on this and just eat a paunch burger before (and after). they have no class.
|
nta. not even a tiny bit. it's your wedding and your choice. you've catered for those who have specific requirements so you're already doing your best. maybe he can bring a little tupperware box of ham or something to keep him from wasting away after being forced to eat one plant based (free) meal...
|
nta - they are being petty. let them eat meat! at home.
|
i went to my godson's wedding last year and it turns out his wife is vegan, so it was a vegan meal. the food was stunning and i only noticed it was vegan when people on my table started grumbling about it halfway through.
the food was just so exquisite, tasty and filling. perfect choice for an autumn wedding, with seasonal veg & produce. i couldn't believe how rude some of the guests were (a) it was free (b) it was some of the most creative catering i had experienced for a while (c) they expected the bride to put up with the sight & smells of cooked meat at her own wedding???
|
nta if uncle is human, yta if uncle is a cat or other obligate carnivore.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiance and i are getting married in june next year. we're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. we found a vegan caterer. when we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. we also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. the note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for. soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. my uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. i asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. she said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. i said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal. i explained to her that i wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means i'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) i don't want to pay for meat if i don't have to. again, i'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me. weeks went by. the only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. my vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food. i refused again. i told her that the food consists of things i know he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. i went through a list of ingredients i knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. what's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? i told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself mcdonalds and eat it at the kiddy table. now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. i told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food. i understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's one meal, that is free. aita? i don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but i also don't want to pay for meat unless i have to. again, it's one meal out of their whole life.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiance and i are getting married in june next year. we're both vegans, and although we don't judge those who are not vegan, we wanted to serve vegan food at our wedding. we found a vegan caterer. when we sent out invitations, we added a note saying that the food will be vegan. we also asked that everyone who has any specific dietary requirements let us know. the note made it clear that anyone who needed a specific diet would be catered for. soon after the invitations went out, my aunt phoned us in a huff. my uncle does not want vegan food; he needs to eat meat, she said. i asked what his dietary requirements are, thinking that he has a specific medical condition and cannot eat a vegan meal. she said his reasons are "cultural" and he must eat meat. i said that's not really a good enough reason, we all come from the same culture and it's not like it's a sin to not eat meat with every single meal. i explained to her that i wouldn't really mind him eating meat but 1) it means i'll have to bring in a new caterer for one meal, which will be expensive and 2) i don't want to pay for meat if i don't have to. again, i'm not judging non-vegans, but it doesn't sit right with me. weeks went by. the only people who had dietary requirements were three cousins, who eat a low-carb diet. my vegan caterer came up with vegan, low-carb meals, and my cousins were happy with this plan. upon hearing this, my aunt phoned me again, angrier this time, asking why my uncle can't be catered for because he "doesn't like" vegan food. i refused again. i told her that the food consists of things i know he eats anyway: vegetables, coconut, nuts, etc. i went through a list of ingredients i knew would be in the food and she admitted he has no intolerances/allergies to any of that stuff. what's the big deal with him skipping meat one time? i told her that if he's so adamant about the meat he can buy himself mcdonalds and eat it at the kiddy table. now my aunt isn't talking to me, and is instead talking shit about me to all my family members. i told her that they are welcome to simply not attend the wedding if they're going to bitch about the food. i understand that veganism is not possible or sustainable for many people in the long-term but come on - it's one meal, that is free. aita? i don't want to seem like a "pushy vegan" but i also don't want to pay for meat unless i have to. again, it's one meal out of their whole life. [/INST] nta. like you said, it is one meal and it’s free. and most importantly, it is your wedding. </s>
|
AITA for being topless at home?
|
i have a son (4 months old), i'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. because of this, i've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. i'll wear them when i go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat i just go bare chested. my in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. i was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. i woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why i didn't do that sooner if i knew they'd be over today. i maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when i didn't answer the door. my boyfriend wants me to apologise, i refuse. who's the arsehole here?
| 24,453 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ewudks/aita_for_being_topless_at_home/
|
2020-01-31 20:27:11
|
nta. first off, they shouldn't have let themselves in. second, it's your damn house. you're free to do what you want.
|
nta it's unspeakably rude to just let yourself into someone else's home. it's just as rude to be an hour early without any kind of warning. so, they're assholes even before getting to the bullshit of what you wear or don't wear in the privacy of your own home, and their opinions about that.
also, special shoutout to your partner for not having your back in all this- he's an asshole too for that. basically, you and the baby are the only people here who aren't assholes and are owed big apologies.
|
nta. spare keys are for emergencies not so you can walk in at any moment. they still need to knock.
|
nta....your husband is insane if he expects you to apologize to his parents after they violated your privacy by letting themselves into your home an hour before they said they would be there. they were also super duper rude to stay, wake you, and demand that you put clothes on for thier comfort. its your home. you have an absolute right to be naked in your own home especially when you are breastfeeding a newborn infant. what is wrong with your husband and his family?
|
nta.
you could have even left out all the (legitimate) justification for being topless.
anyone who shows up an hour early and lets themselves in without knocking loses any right to complain about the “decency” of what they find in the other side of the door.
|
we're all missing the important question here how was the nap?
|
lol when i was breastfeeding my daughter my dear sweet idiot husband forgot to tell me that my fil was coming over. he walked in and i got spooked and took my daughter off my breast, meaning that my fil walked into my home tits out milk streaming. know what he did? turned around and walked upstairs. and we have never spoken about it because he is a good and decent man. op, your il's are complete assholes. nta
|
nta - they're fuckin' idiots if they think it's fine to just wander into people's houses and then complain when they aren't dressed.
|
absolutely nta for feeding your baby in your home. how dare they let themselves in and then complain that your boobs were visible in readiness for what nature intended! don’t you dare apologise- it is they that should apologise to you!
on a separate note, and no criticism intended; i know how difficult it is to stay awake, but please don’t fall asleep with your baby on your chest, it’s such a huge risk factor for sids. please have a look at the lullaby trust website for safer sleep advice 💕
https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/
|
you have the right to be naked in your home - and surely everyone knows the risks of walking through a door without being invited!
nta.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a son (4 months old), i'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. because of this, i've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. i'll wear them when i go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat i just go bare chested. my in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. i was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. i woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why i didn't do that sooner if i knew they'd be over today. i maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when i didn't answer the door. my boyfriend wants me to apologise, i refuse. who's the arsehole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a son (4 months old), i'm breastfeeding, he's forever spitting up on me, and we're trying to give as much skin to skin contact as possible. because of this, i've pretty much stopped wearing clothes at home. i'll wear them when i go out, obviously, but in the privacy of mine and my boyfriend's flat i just go bare chested. my in laws were meant to come by around 6pm, and instead came by over an hour early and let themselves in with the spare key. i was sleeping on the sofa with my son on my chest, they got an eyeful. i woke up to them yelling at me to put a shirt on and asking why i didn't do that sooner if i knew they'd be over today. i maintain that they were a full hour early and why on earth would they just let themselves in when i didn't answer the door. my boyfriend wants me to apologise, i refuse. who's the arsehole here? [/INST] nta. first off, they shouldn't have let themselves in. second, it's your damn house. you're free to do what you want. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to pay for my friend's EpiPen?
|
this is a throwaway because my friends have reddit and i don't want them to find this.
i have a housemate (jilian 26f) who is severely allergic to peanuts. there are 5 of us who rent a house together and we all agreed to put a label in our food containers to help keep jilian safe and avoid contamination. i have a mini fridge in my room where i store my drinks so that i don't have to go to the kitchen if i want a drink in the middle of the night.
well last friday my filipino girlfriend gave me an authentic filipino dish for lunch at work. it's called kare-kare, it's an ox tail stew with a rich peanut sauce. it's in a glass container, and i saved some so i can have it for dinner.
when i got home i put it in my mini fridge but i forgot to eat it that night because we ordered pizza for dinner. saturday i went out with my girlfriend and got home at around 9pm. when i arrived jilian's girlfriend (trish) confronted me saying i almost killed jilian. i didn't know what she was talking about, she went on saying how irresponsible of me to not label the food in my mini fridge. i asked one of our housemates wtf happened and he said jilian had an allergic reaction to my stew because i didn't put a label on the container. i told them it's inside my personal mini fridge and how dare they enter my room. trish said they were looking for beer when they saw my stew. she and another housemate ate it, jilian only tasted it and she had an anaphylactic shock where they had to use her epipen to stop the swelling.
trish then demanded that i need to pay for the epipen. i told them that is not going to happen. if anything they should apologize to me for trespassing and stealing my food. they called me an asshole. she and 3 housemates said i nearly caused jilian her life and the least i could do is apologize and pay for the epipen. aita?
edit for more info: jilian was taken to the hospital. no, i never gave anyone any permission to enter my room. they were drinking that time and were looking for more beer. they ate the dish with some rice that they found on top of the mini fridge. i think jilian ate some rice that had sauce on it. i didn't get to ask the details of that exactly happened.
edit/
| 24,439 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pnd8qo/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_friends_epipen/
|
2021-09-13 11:08:20
|
nta
literally none of this would have happened if they had not invaded your space, without your permission, taken food that did not belong to them, and eaten said food.
perhaps this can be a lesson to them in the future, to not enter a space they don't have permission to enter, and to not eat food that they do not have permission to eat.
eta holy guacamole, thank you everyone 💖
|
nta. you're right, but good luck convincing them. fwiw i have a friend who's allergic to peanuts (carries epipens), and i cannot imagine them touching unlabeled food. that's nuts. har har.
|
nta. i’m even tempted to say it was karma for attempting to steal beer from your personal fridge.
edit1: i wrote the wrong acronym.
edit2: surely they don’t believe their own bs. they must know they were caught red handed and this is all just a way to deflect from their guilt.
edit3: alright, let’s break this down.
**op**: nta
.
**trish**: a
.
**housemate 1** (one who ate with trish): *if they were aware of the food’s origin* - a; *if unaware but sided with trish later* - a; *if unaware and sides with op* - not a
.
**jillian**: *if she was aware of trish entering op’s room to pilfer beer* - a; *if she did not condone the theft and was unaware of the food’s origin and blames op* - a; *if she did not condone the theft and was unaware of the food’s origin and does not blame op* - not a but still an idiot. i do wish her a speedy recovery.
.
**housemates who side with trish**: a
edit4: i see some saying they are young and it’s not really stealing, etc. all they had to do was send a text asking for permission before going in. it’s not the stone age.
|
nta. if it was the common area then yes, but they went in to your room and stole from your mini fridge. i have bad allergies. i never eat anything without finding out what’s in it first. when i go to someone’s home i specifically ask about dishes as i don’t expect them to remember my allergies.
if anything your roommates should buy you a new meal.
|
nta but i would move because i doubt leftovers is the only thing your roommate has taken from your room.
|
wtf they trespassed and stole from you, how could you possibly be the asshole? ask them if this means you can go into their rooms and grab whatever you want.
nta
|
nta and you dont owe them shit.
also, kare kare reeks of peanuts?? i seriously dont understand how they didnt smell it. i can smell it when my neighbors cook it down the street 😅
ps- get a lock on that door asap.
|
nta - i feel terrible for jilian, but they should not have been in your room consuming your food/drinks, without your permission.
be kind to jilian, but you this was not your fault and you should not have to pay for their assholery and her error.
|
>"we were trying to steal your beer, but we stole your stew instead and the person with the deathly allergy decided to eat the unlabelled food with no idea of the ingredients and it's all your fault."
nta
|
nta
there was a simple reason why the stew was in you mini fridge in your room: it was fucking yours. the way you describe it it seemed that you didn't intend on sharing it with anyone and that you wanted to eat it yourself. why should you label it then? besides, taking food without asking is just rude.
it may sound harsh but i would say they are more at fault than you ever could be in this scenario. if anyone should replace the epipen, it's them.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a throwaway because my friends have reddit and i don't want them to find this. i have a housemate (jilian 26f) who is severely allergic to peanuts. there are 5 of us who rent a house together and we all agreed to put a label in our food containers to help keep jilian safe and avoid contamination. i have a mini fridge in my room where i store my drinks so that i don't have to go to the kitchen if i want a drink in the middle of the night. well last friday my filipino girlfriend gave me an authentic filipino dish for lunch at work. it's called kare-kare, it's an ox tail stew with a rich peanut sauce. it's in a glass container, and i saved some so i can have it for dinner. when i got home i put it in my mini fridge but i forgot to eat it that night because we ordered pizza for dinner. saturday i went out with my girlfriend and got home at around 9pm. when i arrived jilian's girlfriend (trish) confronted me saying i almost killed jilian. i didn't know what she was talking about, she went on saying how irresponsible of me to not label the food in my mini fridge. i asked one of our housemates wtf happened and he said jilian had an allergic reaction to my stew because i didn't put a label on the container. i told them it's inside my personal mini fridge and how dare they enter my room. trish said they were looking for beer when they saw my stew. she and another housemate ate it, jilian only tasted it and she had an anaphylactic shock where they had to use her epipen to stop the swelling. trish then demanded that i need to pay for the epipen. i told them that is not going to happen. if anything they should apologize to me for trespassing and stealing my food. they called me an asshole. she and 3 housemates said i nearly caused jilian her life and the least i could do is apologize and pay for the epipen. aita? edit for more info: jilian was taken to the hospital. no, i never gave anyone any permission to enter my room. they were drinking that time and were looking for more beer. they ate the dish with some rice that they found on top of the mini fridge. i think jilian ate some rice that had sauce on it. i didn't get to ask the details of that exactly happened. edit/
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is a throwaway because my friends have reddit and i don't want them to find this. i have a housemate (jilian 26f) who is severely allergic to peanuts. there are 5 of us who rent a house together and we all agreed to put a label in our food containers to help keep jilian safe and avoid contamination. i have a mini fridge in my room where i store my drinks so that i don't have to go to the kitchen if i want a drink in the middle of the night. well last friday my filipino girlfriend gave me an authentic filipino dish for lunch at work. it's called kare-kare, it's an ox tail stew with a rich peanut sauce. it's in a glass container, and i saved some so i can have it for dinner. when i got home i put it in my mini fridge but i forgot to eat it that night because we ordered pizza for dinner. saturday i went out with my girlfriend and got home at around 9pm. when i arrived jilian's girlfriend (trish) confronted me saying i almost killed jilian. i didn't know what she was talking about, she went on saying how irresponsible of me to not label the food in my mini fridge. i asked one of our housemates wtf happened and he said jilian had an allergic reaction to my stew because i didn't put a label on the container. i told them it's inside my personal mini fridge and how dare they enter my room. trish said they were looking for beer when they saw my stew. she and another housemate ate it, jilian only tasted it and she had an anaphylactic shock where they had to use her epipen to stop the swelling. trish then demanded that i need to pay for the epipen. i told them that is not going to happen. if anything they should apologize to me for trespassing and stealing my food. they called me an asshole. she and 3 housemates said i nearly caused jilian her life and the least i could do is apologize and pay for the epipen. aita? edit for more info: jilian was taken to the hospital. no, i never gave anyone any permission to enter my room. they were drinking that time and were looking for more beer. they ate the dish with some rice that they found on top of the mini fridge. i think jilian ate some rice that had sauce on it. i didn't get to ask the details of that exactly happened. edit/ [/INST] nta literally none of this would have happened if they had not invaded your space, without your permission, taken food that did not belong to them, and eaten said food. perhaps this can be a lesson to them in the future, to not enter a space they don't have permission to enter, and to not eat food that they do not have permission to eat. eta holy guacamole, thank you everyone 💖 </s>
|
AITA I got mad at my wife because she caused me to fail an important interview
|
i(27m) and my wife(24f) have been married for 3 years. she is 6 months pregnant.
i have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a sahm after the birth.
today, i had this interview for a position at a very good it company which would be paying triple my current salary.
there were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. i was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. the test was conducted on an online platform.
i had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation.
just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. i ignored her because i would be disqualified from the interview if i looked anywhere else or spoke... i figured she'd get the hint that i couldn't talk. but she didn't she yelled at me calling me an ah and went on to talk to her friends on call. it didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. it was extremely distracting and i made a lot of mistakes in the exam
it was a multiple choice questions based test so i got the results immediately and as expected i had miserably failed it.
i was livid at my wife. this was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. i told her that i give up on trying to make her life easier and that i'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. i told her to start working again after the birth and that i am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter.
she said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home.
aita?
| 24,433 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qfazb4/aita_i_got_mad_at_my_wife_because_she_caused_me/
|
2021-10-25 06:55:01
|
nta, the 5th time? why is she sabotaging you? doesn’t she want you to make money?
|
do yourself a favour...don't have anymore kids with this woman. the less child support you have to pay when you split the better off you'll be.
|
nta. you said this is the 5th time she has done this? well her dream of being a sahm is now gone. let her know she will be returning to work since she prevented you from getting a job that would have let her do so!
|
nta but you have got to find out why your wife is doing this to you. 5th fucking interview she's sabotaged? for a jar?! don't you have a fucking dish towel laying around to help her open it on her own? i have so many questions about why she would do that to you and 5 times.
|
nta - interviews don't last half a day. it is perfectly reasonable to ask someone to be quiet for a short time.
|
nta. she sounds absolutely horrible, imagine asking your spouse to do all the moneymaking, and then doing everything in your power to sabotage their chances. what was she thinking?
|
nta - deliberate or not, this is undermining your chances of success. find somewhere else to hold interviews and tests - a friend or family member's place, or even a co-working space with a private room you can hire.
you would be unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home, but it doesn't sound like she was just making normal 'i'm living here' kind of noise.
|
she ruined 5 interviews?
once is chance, twice is coincidence, third time's a pattern
nta
|
nta, but you need to have a conversation about why she's deliberately sabotaging you getting a better job when it's to support her goal.
i am afraid that i suspect it's an attempt at control. maybe she wants to be a sahm to stop you from ever leaving, but also doesn't want you to be a higher earner, more successful, more independent etc. i once knew someone very like this which is why this is setting off that particular alarm bell. i hope i'm wrong and she's just not very smart.
|
i had an interview two weeks ago for a job i really wanted.
my partner came home from work, wished me luck, then stayed out of my way and made me dinner so that it would be ready when my interview was over. he also bought me my favourite cake.
nta, op. your wife is a terrible partner, and she's almost certainly sabotaging you on purpose.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(27m) and my wife(24f) have been married for 3 years. she is 6 months pregnant. i have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a sahm after the birth. today, i had this interview for a position at a very good it company which would be paying triple my current salary. there were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. i was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. the test was conducted on an online platform. i had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation. just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. i ignored her because i would be disqualified from the interview if i looked anywhere else or spoke... i figured she'd get the hint that i couldn't talk. but she didn't she yelled at me calling me an ah and went on to talk to her friends on call. it didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. it was extremely distracting and i made a lot of mistakes in the exam it was a multiple choice questions based test so i got the results immediately and as expected i had miserably failed it. i was livid at my wife. this was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. i told her that i give up on trying to make her life easier and that i'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. i told her to start working again after the birth and that i am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter. she said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(27m) and my wife(24f) have been married for 3 years. she is 6 months pregnant. i have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a sahm after the birth. today, i had this interview for a position at a very good it company which would be paying triple my current salary. there were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. i was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. the test was conducted on an online platform. i had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation. just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. i ignored her because i would be disqualified from the interview if i looked anywhere else or spoke... i figured she'd get the hint that i couldn't talk. but she didn't she yelled at me calling me an ah and went on to talk to her friends on call. it didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. it was extremely distracting and i made a lot of mistakes in the exam it was a multiple choice questions based test so i got the results immediately and as expected i had miserably failed it. i was livid at my wife. this was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. i told her that i give up on trying to make her life easier and that i'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. i told her to start working again after the birth and that i am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter. she said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home. aita? [/INST] nta, the 5th time? why is she sabotaging you? doesn’t she want you to make money? </s>
|
AITA for propositioning a girl in the gym?
|
please hear me out before you judge because while i did say what you’re thinking i didn’t say it in the way you’re thinking.
the gym i go to is very small. not a lot of machines and not a lot of patrons. this means working out fairly close to people even if you don’t mean to. yesterday i (23 f if it makes a difference) was on the extended leg press doing my thing when a girl and her boyfriend began working out on the machine beside me. (one would do a set while the other waited beside them) the girl looked at me, rolled her eyes and muttered to her boyfriend “ugh i hate girls who only come to the gym to get a big ass.”
i shrugged her off, and kept doing my thing. i was on the assisted pull up machine doing an exercise where you put one foot on the pad and push downwards (apologies for not knowing the name, my trainer showed me it so i’m not entirely sure if it’s an actual well known exercise)
the same girl looks at me, tuts and says to her bf “look there she goes again, and her forms terrible.” which is possibly true but she pissed me off.
at this point i call her out. i said “oi, you.” she immediately looked like she shit herself and ignored me. so i called her out again specifically “you in the purple top.”
she turned round and asked what i wanted. the following conversation happens:
me; do you want to fuck me?
her: what?!
me: i said do you want to fuck me?
her: what the fuck is wrong with you?
me: well you keep staring at me, so i’m assuming you either want to fuck me or fight me, so which is it?
she went bright red, grabbed her boyfriends arm and went to the changing rooms. i carried on with my workout and didn’t see them again.
when i told my friend what happened, he said i acted like a dick and that as a woman i should know how much it sucks to be objectified in the gym. he also pointed out that i embarrassed her in front of everyone and ruined her and her bfs work out.
my defence is she should also know how much it sucks to make people make disparaging comments about you in the gym and that she shouldn’t talk shit if she doesn’t want called out on it.
i’ll admit that i’m a pretty confrontational person and i could have reacted better but i also think she should mind her own business.
| 24,415 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bgyfr0/aita_for_propositioning_a_girl_in_the_gym/
|
2019-04-24 18:52:54
|
nta - she definitely deserved it in my opinion, and good on you for standing up to yourself
|
esh - but fuck, that's hilarious and i would have done the same thing, at least i hope i would!
|
nta she was messing with your workout by being insecure and trying to tear you down loud enough that you heard it. like, fuck, unless someone's gonna hurt themselves leave other people at the gym alone, she deserved to be embarrassed for breaking this important rule
|
nta, i mean you definitely could’ve handled it better but she’s the asshole for talking badly about you behind your back
|
esh, but you're entirely justified and you amuse me.
|
nta. you didn't objectify her, you just pointed out that she was objectifying you. if you had said what you did out of the blue or if she had just been glancing at you, your friend’s objection would be right.
|
nta that was the perfect response
|
[deleted]
|
yta/shitpost for the post title you used.
nta at all for what you actually did- good for you.
|
i would have to say nta. no one likes having people talk about them like that. and who is she to gatekeep gym usage?
granted, your reaction may have been a bit much, but i can understand why you felt the way you did.
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.246103 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: please hear me out before you judge because while i did say what you’re thinking i didn’t say it in the way you’re thinking. the gym i go to is very small. not a lot of machines and not a lot of patrons. this means working out fairly close to people even if you don’t mean to. yesterday i (23 f if it makes a difference) was on the extended leg press doing my thing when a girl and her boyfriend began working out on the machine beside me. (one would do a set while the other waited beside them) the girl looked at me, rolled her eyes and muttered to her boyfriend “ugh i hate girls who only come to the gym to get a big ass.” i shrugged her off, and kept doing my thing. i was on the assisted pull up machine doing an exercise where you put one foot on the pad and push downwards (apologies for not knowing the name, my trainer showed me it so i’m not entirely sure if it’s an actual well known exercise) the same girl looks at me, tuts and says to her bf “look there she goes again, and her forms terrible.” which is possibly true but she pissed me off. at this point i call her out. i said “oi, you.” she immediately looked like she shit herself and ignored me. so i called her out again specifically “you in the purple top.” she turned round and asked what i wanted. the following conversation happens: me; do you want to fuck me? her: what?! me: i said do you want to fuck me? her: what the fuck is wrong with you? me: well you keep staring at me, so i’m assuming you either want to fuck me or fight me, so which is it? she went bright red, grabbed her boyfriends arm and went to the changing rooms. i carried on with my workout and didn’t see them again. when i told my friend what happened, he said i acted like a dick and that as a woman i should know how much it sucks to be objectified in the gym. he also pointed out that i embarrassed her in front of everyone and ruined her and her bfs work out. my defence is she should also know how much it sucks to make people make disparaging comments about you in the gym and that she shouldn’t talk shit if she doesn’t want called out on it. i’ll admit that i’m a pretty confrontational person and i could have reacted better but i also think she should mind her own business.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
please hear me out before you judge because while i did say what you’re thinking i didn’t say it in the way you’re thinking. the gym i go to is very small. not a lot of machines and not a lot of patrons. this means working out fairly close to people even if you don’t mean to. yesterday i (23 f if it makes a difference) was on the extended leg press doing my thing when a girl and her boyfriend began working out on the machine beside me. (one would do a set while the other waited beside them) the girl looked at me, rolled her eyes and muttered to her boyfriend “ugh i hate girls who only come to the gym to get a big ass.” i shrugged her off, and kept doing my thing. i was on the assisted pull up machine doing an exercise where you put one foot on the pad and push downwards (apologies for not knowing the name, my trainer showed me it so i’m not entirely sure if it’s an actual well known exercise) the same girl looks at me, tuts and says to her bf “look there she goes again, and her forms terrible.” which is possibly true but she pissed me off. at this point i call her out. i said “oi, you.” she immediately looked like she shit herself and ignored me. so i called her out again specifically “you in the purple top.” she turned round and asked what i wanted. the following conversation happens: me; do you want to fuck me? her: what?! me: i said do you want to fuck me? her: what the fuck is wrong with you? me: well you keep staring at me, so i’m assuming you either want to fuck me or fight me, so which is it? she went bright red, grabbed her boyfriends arm and went to the changing rooms. i carried on with my workout and didn’t see them again. when i told my friend what happened, he said i acted like a dick and that as a woman i should know how much it sucks to be objectified in the gym. he also pointed out that i embarrassed her in front of everyone and ruined her and her bfs work out. my defence is she should also know how much it sucks to make people make disparaging comments about you in the gym and that she shouldn’t talk shit if she doesn’t want called out on it. i’ll admit that i’m a pretty confrontational person and i could have reacted better but i also think she should mind her own business. [/INST] nta - she definitely deserved it in my opinion, and good on you for standing up to yourself </s>
|
AITA for cutting off my hearing so I don’t have to listen to a family member.
|
i (15f) am deaf in both ears after getting meningitis as a toddler. luckily my parents really pushed intervention, so i can read lips, know sign language and have cochlear implants, so i’m basically like any other girl my age. i just can’t hear for shit.
my aunt (40) has been staying with my family-that’s me, my mom, my dad and my 13 year old sister- during quarantine. she is really not someone i like. she critiques every little thing my sister and i do, tells us we need to eat more (or less, depending on the day, even though we’re skinny), butts in to our personal conversation and just is snoopy in general. she tries to instigate fights between us- like asking my sister if she’s mad i have something she doesn’t. it’s also important to know she’s done nothing to learn about communicating with me. i’d say about 90% of the rest of my extended family knows sign language. we’ve told our parents about it a million times, and they’ve talked to her. i don’t think they’ve given her an ultimatum, so my sister and i devised a plan.
for the past few days whenever my aunt starts talking, i just detach my hearing aids and my sister puts in her airpods and turns up the volume. we can understand each other fine. my aunt didn’t get it the first couple of times but i think today she understood we were ignoring her and got really upset. she told my dad, and from what i understand, he basically told her she needs to lay off if she’s bothering us that bad or she can leave. i was happy to hear that, tbhz
i heard (lol) her crying later though, and that made me feel like *shit*. i never meant to make someone cry and now i kinda regret the whole thing. are my sister and i assholes for going to such extreme measures? we just wanted her to leave us alone, or at least be nice to us.
| 24,391 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i7gwu8/aita_for_cutting_off_my_hearing_so_i_dont_have_to/
|
2020-08-11 00:02:03
|
nta and if i had a mute button for shitty people i would use it, too.
she's an adult, you are young/kids, and she should be able to deal with it. glad to hear your dad is on your side.
|
nta. i’m glad your family is in your corner and your sister sounds like a cool cat.
if your aunt doesn’t care to make any effort to communicate with you then what can ya do?
maybe she’ll get the point and start to make an effort, or maybe she’ll leave. either way, problem solved
|
nta. your parents should have addressed this after you and your sister tried. my uncle likes to lecture everyone about all the little things. he thinks he knows everything. one of my funniest memories of my grandfather was him turning off his hearing aids while my uncle was trying to lecture him about not eating sweets. he didn’t even try to be subtle about turning them off. he also picked up his book and just went back to reading. you were way nicer than you could have been.
|
nta!!! she is making you and your sister uncomfortable in your home. good on your father for standing up for you two as well.
|
nta
my sister uses hearing aids and she does this a lot whenever she's annoyed. she's been doing it since kindergarten when she realized she had a way to avoid listening to the annoying boy who sat at her table. we like to joke that she has the superpower of selective hearing.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. she has the option to leave if she really wants so it’s not like she’s stuck where you guys are making her life hell. it’s just simply ignoring her comments and such. if she’s really that hurt to cry about you guys ignoring her then she needs to just learn to stop being annoying.
|
nta, my sister is deaf and she often finds things overwhelming. i can only imagine it’s even more frustrating when someone just refuses to accommodate too. don’t worry yourself, and keep her on mute. it’s lovely to hear how supportive the rest of the family is
|
i would not care what someone like her thought. she's being mean and is now feeling sorry for herself that you hurt her feelings. she's the grownup. in the same scenario i would do the same again if i were you.
nta. 0/10 for self awareness on her part.
|
i had a friend, when i was about your age, that had the same hearing capabilities and w/ cochlear implants; when he was mad at his father he would detach his hearing aids and look away. his dad would move into his line of sight and he would counter by just closing his eyes. it was really hard to stifle my laughter and keep my jealousy of this super power to myself. are you an asshole for doing this... eh, a little bit, there are other ways to communicate your displeasure with this woman (though good on your for talking to your parents first). is your aunt an asshole? sure sounds like it. if she can’t take the message from your parents, take a hint or even attempt to learn sign or to mind her business, then i say overall nta. wish i had your super power. just don’t let “tuning out” be your main form of conflict resolution... though i doubt you will.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (15f) am deaf in both ears after getting meningitis as a toddler. luckily my parents really pushed intervention, so i can read lips, know sign language and have cochlear implants, so i’m basically like any other girl my age. i just can’t hear for shit. my aunt (40) has been staying with my family-that’s me, my mom, my dad and my 13 year old sister- during quarantine. she is really not someone i like. she critiques every little thing my sister and i do, tells us we need to eat more (or less, depending on the day, even though we’re skinny), butts in to our personal conversation and just is snoopy in general. she tries to instigate fights between us- like asking my sister if she’s mad i have something she doesn’t. it’s also important to know she’s done nothing to learn about communicating with me. i’d say about 90% of the rest of my extended family knows sign language. we’ve told our parents about it a million times, and they’ve talked to her. i don’t think they’ve given her an ultimatum, so my sister and i devised a plan. for the past few days whenever my aunt starts talking, i just detach my hearing aids and my sister puts in her airpods and turns up the volume. we can understand each other fine. my aunt didn’t get it the first couple of times but i think today she understood we were ignoring her and got really upset. she told my dad, and from what i understand, he basically told her she needs to lay off if she’s bothering us that bad or she can leave. i was happy to hear that, tbhz i heard (lol) her crying later though, and that made me feel like *shit*. i never meant to make someone cry and now i kinda regret the whole thing. are my sister and i assholes for going to such extreme measures? we just wanted her to leave us alone, or at least be nice to us.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (15f) am deaf in both ears after getting meningitis as a toddler. luckily my parents really pushed intervention, so i can read lips, know sign language and have cochlear implants, so i’m basically like any other girl my age. i just can’t hear for shit. my aunt (40) has been staying with my family-that’s me, my mom, my dad and my 13 year old sister- during quarantine. she is really not someone i like. she critiques every little thing my sister and i do, tells us we need to eat more (or less, depending on the day, even though we’re skinny), butts in to our personal conversation and just is snoopy in general. she tries to instigate fights between us- like asking my sister if she’s mad i have something she doesn’t. it’s also important to know she’s done nothing to learn about communicating with me. i’d say about 90% of the rest of my extended family knows sign language. we’ve told our parents about it a million times, and they’ve talked to her. i don’t think they’ve given her an ultimatum, so my sister and i devised a plan. for the past few days whenever my aunt starts talking, i just detach my hearing aids and my sister puts in her airpods and turns up the volume. we can understand each other fine. my aunt didn’t get it the first couple of times but i think today she understood we were ignoring her and got really upset. she told my dad, and from what i understand, he basically told her she needs to lay off if she’s bothering us that bad or she can leave. i was happy to hear that, tbhz i heard (lol) her crying later though, and that made me feel like *shit*. i never meant to make someone cry and now i kinda regret the whole thing. are my sister and i assholes for going to such extreme measures? we just wanted her to leave us alone, or at least be nice to us. [/INST] nta and if i had a mute button for shitty people i would use it, too. she's an adult, you are young/kids, and she should be able to deal with it. glad to hear your dad is on your side. </s>
|
AITA for leaving a repairman a bad review for flirting with my wife?
|
the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night.
a company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. he fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical.
apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. she made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner.
the tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the a/c, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.”
eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything.
i was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened.
the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife.
he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy.
the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating.
i told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding.
on the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. on the other hand, i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing.
aita?
| 24,379 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i26ptx/aita_for_leaving_a_repairman_a_bad_review_for/
|
2020-08-02 05:09:09
|
nta
maybe update the review to add that they apparently drove drunk to your house?
not sure how that was supposed to exonerate anything.
|
nta. they justified his behaviour, then put the blame on your wife for misinterpreting his behaviour. this is such a huge turn off. the company showed you it's views on how its employees are allowed to act. it's gross. leave a bad review!
in fact, think of it this way. by leaving the review, you are helping some other woman, maybe one who is less confident than your wife, not get into a similar situation.
|
nta. that's not 'flirting', it's harassment and it sounds absolutely terrifying for your wife. then the owner called you and was like 'well, he was drunk at work, so no biggie right??'
|
nta. he sexual harassed your wife.
what a sucky apology by the company. for that, he deserves a followup bad review. the owner may not have control of how an employee behaves, but he has absolute control over setting standards and deciding who works there. so the owner admits the guy was drunk on the job. then he downplayed the harassment and how your wife felt because it was all a joke? finally, he basically argued how his employees treat customers shouldn’t count as much as doing a technical job. never mind if that customer feels scared and threatened.
you didn’t cause personal problems for that guy. he did by his actions. i think most women would be grateful for the review. who wants to be sexual harassed and feel unsafe in their homes so the ac works?
if the company wants a better review, they need to hire better people.
|
nta.
1. why would they send even a marginally intoxicated tech to fix anything? that's a major liability issue from the moment he gets in his vehicle.
2. how is it your fault if an accurate account of this guy's behavior causes him personal problems? if my husband hits on a customer and the customer complains and i leave him, that's my husband fault because his behavior initiated the chain of events.
3. why should any customer need to interpret an employee's sense of humor? while you're working there should be no humor that could, under any circumstances, make me question your motives or intentions. the fact that the company is covering for him speaks volumes about the company's values and lack of basic respect for their customers.
4. since when are google and yelp reviews ever strictly related to quality of work without considering customer service? i'm checking reviews specifically to avoid the company that hires creepy dudes who might drink before work then make female customers uncomfortable with their highly inappropriate comments about spending the night.
this dude can gtfo here with his bullshit. leave that review up so young single women especially know what they're walking into before they call this place.
|
nta! no wonder your wife was so upset. he was way out of line. that’s actually terrifying. joking or not, that’s a nightmare scenario. a guy in my house, stepping outside his professional capacity to make comments about my body and make a point to mention that he knows i’m alone? it doesn’t matter how he intended it to come across, the result was she felt genuinely threatened.
and he was drunk on top of that! good lord. his boss is an ah too for trying to defend it. “misinterpreted” my foot.
|
nta- but i would have let the owner know that he just admitted to dui and you were gonna inform the police.
|
info: the fuck is up with calling this flirting?? the man harassed her in her own home until she was terrified!
|
nta. reviews are not just about the end results. customer service is a big part of any business. what happened was inappropriate. the fact the owner didn't take the incident seriously makes me think the review is very much needed.
|
used to have a kitchen business. we used a particular electrical contractor until we had 2 complaints in quick succession about one of their employees hitting on the female clients. a call to the company resulted in the owner saying "he is just going through a tough time because his girlfriend left him and yes, we will still be using him for your jobs."
no you won't because you aren't getting any more jobs off us! owner was pissed he lost our business because of this but his own fault - he had other employees he could have sent. we were sending over $100k a year his way until this happened.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night. a company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. he fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical. apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. she made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner. the tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the a/c, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.” eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything. i was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened. the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife. he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy. the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating. i told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding. on the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. on the other hand, i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night. a company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. he fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical. apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. she made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner. the tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the a/c, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.” eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything. i was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened. the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife. he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy. the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating. i told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding. on the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. on the other hand, i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing. aita? [/INST] nta maybe update the review to add that they apparently drove drunk to your house? not sure how that was supposed to exonerate anything. </s>
|
AITA for not paying for the extra meal I accidentally ordered at a wedding?
|
my sixteen year old son and i went to a wedding. when we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. there was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but i never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. i sent in the rsvp card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it.
at the wedding, my son and i got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. the waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. the waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well.
i later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that i had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. i told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. they said i should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that i should have asked for clarification if i wasn't sure. but i wasn't unsure, i never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. ten and under i would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up i would never think would have a kid's meal. the bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but i've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old.
wibta if i refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? i know wedding meals are expensive, but i think this was their mistake.
| 24,365 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2cd5s/aita_for_not_paying_for_the_extra_meal_i/
|
2019-09-10 18:54:44
|
nta, but depending on how expensive it is it might be worth paying to salvage the relationship.
>i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old.
it absolutely is, and it was rude to not inform you that they had changed his choice as well.
|
nta. i can’t believe they actually reached out to you about paying for the meal. how petty.
a child’s meal is obviously not going to be sufficient for a 16 year old. seriously.
if you do think this is going to blow up and damage your friendship with the bride and groom, i’d suck it up and pay though.
|
nta -- you told them what meal you were expecting. they knew what meal you were expecting. the confusion of them changing your son's order is what cost them money, not you
a) they could have clarified before the wedding your son would be getting a kids meal (still rude imo, but it was possible to avoid confusion)
b) most restaurants have a kids meal cut off of \~13. maybe i'm crazy, but i feel like this applies to weddings...a sixteen year old eats as much food as a grown adult.
c) calling you after the wedding and asking you to pay them back just feels tacky. wedding meals get expensive but in the grand scheme of things, one extra meal is not the expense that sends them into bankruptcy compared to the cost of a wedding
|
nta. in no circumstance would i ever assume that a 16 year old boy would eat off a kids menu. the fact that they changed the order, and then expect you to pay is ridiculous. it sounds like they spent more than they could afford on this wedding and are trying to recoup some of the costs. this is beyond petty of them.
|
nta honestly who are these parents and brides who harass their guests after a wedding? it’s so pathetic and rude.
|
nta 16 are not children.
seems like they were trying to nickle and dime there caterers
|
nta - but the bride's parents actions are so over the top (they called you about this?! to what - scold you? ask you to pay??!) that i would go the route of being likewise over the top and graciously polite and insist on paying even though of course the parents weren't asking that and would no doubt not dream of making such an impolite request! $25 or whatever it costs is nothing to get these bizarre people off your back (assuming you are able to part with this amount without hardship - if you can't afford to pay then just politely say you do not feel obligated to pay, but apologise for the confusion).
|
nta. who the actual fuck charges people to be a guest at their wedding?
|
nta - they're being stingy assholes. you requested a meal on the invite for him and wasn't provided one.
|
nta
there is no age cutoff for kids meals. you ordered 2 chicken meals, you ate 2 chicken meals.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sixteen year old son and i went to a wedding. when we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. there was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but i never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. i sent in the rsvp card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it. at the wedding, my son and i got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. the waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. the waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well. i later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that i had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. i told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. they said i should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that i should have asked for clarification if i wasn't sure. but i wasn't unsure, i never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. ten and under i would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up i would never think would have a kid's meal. the bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but i've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old. wibta if i refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? i know wedding meals are expensive, but i think this was their mistake.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sixteen year old son and i went to a wedding. when we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. there was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but i never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. i sent in the rsvp card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it. at the wedding, my son and i got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. the waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. the waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well. i later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that i had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. i told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. they said i should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that i should have asked for clarification if i wasn't sure. but i wasn't unsure, i never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. ten and under i would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up i would never think would have a kid's meal. the bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but i've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old. wibta if i refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? i know wedding meals are expensive, but i think this was their mistake. [/INST] nta, but depending on how expensive it is it might be worth paying to salvage the relationship. >i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old. it absolutely is, and it was rude to not inform you that they had changed his choice as well. </s>
|
AITA for leaving after being told to be quiet at dinner?
|
the title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but i’m still conflicted.
my (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) never met them prior to that. the only thing i knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people.
and they were. i got along really well with them, before dinner. they were lovely and talkative. when it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. after praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” this is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. my understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. i wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though.
i dug in, took a bite. it was fish soup. absolutely delicious. and y’know, like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook. “this is delicious - is it saffron? a perfect autumn soup!” my bfs brother looked surprised. my bfs father hushed me. big time. a really aggressive shhh with a finger over his lips. and then he said, again, “let the food keep us quiet.” i aplogised because i thought i had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. but a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. my bf was also unusually quiet.
after a few minutes i was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. and his mother did the hush thing? so awkward. i think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. let the food keep us quiet. really quiet. but this was a super awkward situation, and i couldn’t deal with that. imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. so i laughed, it just slipped out. ended up being told off by bfs parents that i was being disrespectful etc. and if i didn’t respect how their household worked i could eat alone in the kitchen. (we were eating in like a separate dining room.) sooo i thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at.
my boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that i should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. i understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. i just couldn't take it anymore. was i being an asshole though?
| 24,318 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yu8tm5/aita_for_leaving_after_being_told_to_be_quiet_at/
|
2022-11-13 17:55:31
|
nta. he could have warned you and given you the opportunity to skip dinner because you don't dine in monasteries.
also you are not a three year old to be sent to the kitchen to eat alone.
|
nta your bf should have warned you before going. how does that meal even help you meet them? i feel a different activity would have made more sense.
|
nta
your boyfriend is ta for not warning you that his family is weird af.
|
nta
your boyfriend should have warned you in advance that you weren't allowed to speak at the table in his family.
and when it came apparent that you didn't know that was a thing, they could have calmly explained except of shushing you or sending you to the kitchen like a child.
i would have left as well, tbh.
|
i would not want to be a part of this family.
|
i mean i am going with nta because 1) bf didn’t warn you beforehand 2) because when spoke they just hushed you instead of…idk…taking 10 seconds to explain the rule? i think you were put in an incredibly awkward situation and therefore didn’t really know how to react? also i am someone who laughs when nervous or uncomfortable so i too would of been in trouble.
also i could not have dinner with a family who says absolutely no speaking at the dinner table. i would be incredibly uncomfortable only hearing other peoples eating noises.
|
nta
it’s weird that your boyfriend didn’t give you a heads up though.
|
info: is this a common practice where you are? is it more of an outdated tradition you knew of and had never seen or had you never come across this before?
if it were me in my country i’d absolutely say you’re not an asshole - i’m not sure i could’ve kept a straight face over such an absurd and outlandish request - but that’s on the basis of the cultural norms of the countries i’ve lived in. it really depends on how common this is in your country and how reasonable it was for you to not know about it/for them to expect it.
|
nta cause your bf should've given you a heads up about this unusual tradition
|
nta
they told you to be silent in the rudest, weirdest power play possible. then had the nerve to tell a grown woman to eat alone as a punishment, as if they have the right to punish you.
his family is toxic. this isn't conservative. it's insane. these are the isolated christian types that use it as an excuse to lord power over others. they're obsessed with control and i would bet money that this is only the tip of the ice berg with their unhinged demands.
avoid them op. nothing good will come from that kind of dynamic.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but i’m still conflicted. my (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) never met them prior to that. the only thing i knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people. and they were. i got along really well with them, before dinner. they were lovely and talkative. when it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. after praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” this is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. my understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. i wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though. i dug in, took a bite. it was fish soup. absolutely delicious. and y’know, like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook. “this is delicious - is it saffron? a perfect autumn soup!” my bfs brother looked surprised. my bfs father hushed me. big time. a really aggressive shhh with a finger over his lips. and then he said, again, “let the food keep us quiet.” i aplogised because i thought i had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. but a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. my bf was also unusually quiet. after a few minutes i was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. and his mother did the hush thing? so awkward. i think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. let the food keep us quiet. really quiet. but this was a super awkward situation, and i couldn’t deal with that. imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. so i laughed, it just slipped out. ended up being told off by bfs parents that i was being disrespectful etc. and if i didn’t respect how their household worked i could eat alone in the kitchen. (we were eating in like a separate dining room.) sooo i thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at. my boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that i should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. i understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. i just couldn't take it anymore. was i being an asshole though?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but i’m still conflicted. my (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) never met them prior to that. the only thing i knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people. and they were. i got along really well with them, before dinner. they were lovely and talkative. when it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. after praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” this is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. my understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. i wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though. i dug in, took a bite. it was fish soup. absolutely delicious. and y’know, like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook. “this is delicious - is it saffron? a perfect autumn soup!” my bfs brother looked surprised. my bfs father hushed me. big time. a really aggressive shhh with a finger over his lips. and then he said, again, “let the food keep us quiet.” i aplogised because i thought i had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. but a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. my bf was also unusually quiet. after a few minutes i was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. and his mother did the hush thing? so awkward. i think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. let the food keep us quiet. really quiet. but this was a super awkward situation, and i couldn’t deal with that. imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. so i laughed, it just slipped out. ended up being told off by bfs parents that i was being disrespectful etc. and if i didn’t respect how their household worked i could eat alone in the kitchen. (we were eating in like a separate dining room.) sooo i thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at. my boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that i should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. i understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. i just couldn't take it anymore. was i being an asshole though? [/INST] nta. he could have warned you and given you the opportunity to skip dinner because you don't dine in monasteries. also you are not a three year old to be sent to the kitchen to eat alone. </s>
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.