ejjaffe/onion_headlines_2_sources · Datasets at Fast360

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dixie donates $5 million in clean drinking cups to drought-ravaged southern africa
restaurant gives totally unwanted twist to mexican cuisine
carefully thought-out living room decor overshadowed by enormous blanket with team logo on it
ways to treat seasonal affective disorder so you're not so goddamn cheery in summertime
senator to try submitting rejected bill to canadian parliament
new tsa precheck program offers expedited interrogations for muslim passengers
“i wish i could get through to you with a sports analogy, young man.” is genius. who wrote this???
vatican policymaking once again manipulated by powerful second commandment rights groups
george foreman grill retires to promote own grill
comic book fans adamant that human torch be played by actor whose body actually engulfed in flames
fbi quickly follows up on tip about potentially dangerous man who killed 17 in school shooting
fatal spaz attack claims life of area spaz
film about little guy battling huge, morally bankrupt organization made by huge, morally bankrupt organization
dog’s eye gunk wiped back on dog
ty cobb returns to old private practice in enchanted forest toadstool
5 episodes of ‘diners, drive-ins and dives’ where guy fieri clearly just stopped into the restaurant because he desperately needed to use the bathroom
news: a second chance: this amazing organization helps disgraced pedophiles rebuild their lives by getting them elected to political office
wtf
house haunted by elks club members
venus added to registry of historically significant planets
6 signs we’re not alone in the universe
man who has clocked 137 hours in rpg can’t believe he has to waste precious time watching cutscenes
local child amuses cafébut for how long?
life: stay calm: 6 things that could explain why your landlord is still asking you for rent after you painted a portrait of him and left it on his porch
michelle obama not so keen on president's new bangs
senate unable to get enough republican votes to honor 'to kill a mockingbird'
every map you’ve looked at is wrong: this one finally gets the sizes right
world’s insect leaders attend g20,000,000,000 summit
local internet user completely unaware he a top content creator for barstool sports
fda: lucky charms no longer part of complete breakfast
mother proud she raised type of person no one would ever believe would rape someone
‘what if we try this?’ asks robotics grad student about to eliminate 30% of workforce
mitch mcconnell celebrates brett kavanaugh as culmination of everything he's worked against
leonardo dicaprio agrees to donate it-factor to science
nation would rather think about 9/11 than anything from subsequent 10 years
hi, write me... [email protected]
shaken secretary of transportation reduces speed limit to 5 mph after witnessing accident
michelle obama: ‘well, there are 8 years of my life i’ll never get back’
u.s. to give limestone-based economy a shot starting next week
family at restaurant reminds grandma what food she likes
north korea ranked least-entertained nation on earth
man somehow getting worse at sex
jews, muslims, hindus agree on chicken
report: countless invasive species detained in epa black sites
professor sees parallels between things, other things
guy who died playing 'league of legends' in internet café really starting to ruin game for other patrons
woman with six dogs resents non-dogs
onion news empire official trailer
inspired man bolts out of bed at 3 a.m. to jot down great new worry
life: making a difference: this nonprofit collects the trash floating in the pacific ocean and dumps it on a sick freak who absolutely loves it
news: cosmo has apologized for publishing its controversial ‘10 ways to drive a neo-nazi wild in the sack’ list
the onion’s 2014 university rankings
5 classic video games that are sadly ruined because they have villains in them
report: middle east quickly running out of land area for violence to spill over to
one beer can't do local alcoholic any harm
everyone proud of grandma for staying awake
news: not messing around: j.k. rowling just threatened to write a short story where harry potter drowns in a septic tank at woodstock ’99 if fans don’t do something big for her birthday
how do construction workers push their bodies to finish olympic stadiums on time?
major blunder: jimmy carter just accidentally built an espn zone instead of a habitat for humanity house and everyone had to act like that was the plan all along
dancing, pantsless rex tillerson slides across floor of empty state department
5 things to know about santa claus
must see: incredible: when this terminally ill child wanted to meet will smith, will cut his $400,000 appearance fee in half to help make that happen
palin unveils 9/11 firefighter cousin, reformed lesbian niece, naturalized mexican half brother
area applebee's a hotbed of machiavellian political maneuvering [classic from 2000]
half of hollywood test group screened placebo film
robed mark warner infiltrates secret torchlit ahca ceremony deep in woods behind capitol
‘star wars’ fans, rejoice! ea has released a ‘star wars’ game where players control the man who has to put yoda’s dead body in a trash bag and mail it to han solo
'help has to be on the way now,' thinks syrian man currently being gassed
american people hire high-powered lobbyist to push interests in congress
judge declares aerobics instructor too fit to stand trial
white house celebrates fifth straight year without oral sex
trump preemptively tells melania he won't give her a kidney
tyson foods sends cease-and-desist to trump for using slaughterhouse recordings as pump-up anthem at rallies
white house guidance counselor recommends clinton consider career in hotel management
study: human imagination capable of magnificent things during masturbation
changing channel on local bar's tv more of a process than area man anticipated
life: security failure: epipen’s database of everyone who’s allergic to bees has been obtained by bees
vacationing family visits world's biggest asshole
report: afghan mineral deposits could completely revolutionize nation's system of corruption
mom on vacation marveling at time difference compared to home
life: first we gave this girl a barbie. then we gave her a doll with normal proportions. then we gave her a doll with goat hooves
chuck e. cheese's pit boss tells floor attendant to keep an eye on guest winning big at skee-ball
new sitcom pulls back the envelope
it’s time to talk about america in the broadest, least focused sense
i’m always open to feedback that i can get defensive about and ultimately ignore
nasa scientists make life-changing discovery but you kind of had to be there
mass e-mail only has four recipients
what compromising information does russia have on donald trump?
life choices leading area man to career in self-storage
proud father teaches son how to shave eyebrows for first time
ohio state puts urban meyer on paid secret coaching leave
letter of recommendation reused for eighth intern
needle-exchange program attracting 'druggies'
whose mouth is this?
tv's mork to star in film
7 animals i just thought up right now, off the top of my head
u.s. forest service kills off smokey bear to get people serious about fire safety
hillary clinton pleasantly surprised after finding old $20,000 donation check in coat pocket
abusive husband was himself abuser as child
lucky to be alive: harrison ford got his sleeve caught in his computer’s floppy disk drive and was sucked into cyberspace

dixie donates $5 million in clean drinking cups to drought-ravaged southern africa

restaurant gives totally unwanted twist to mexican cuisine

carefully thought-out living room decor overshadowed by enormous blanket with team logo on it

ways to treat seasonal affective disorder so you're not so goddamn cheery in summertime

senator to try submitting rejected bill to canadian parliament

new tsa precheck program offers expedited interrogations for muslim passengers

“i wish i could get through to you with a sports analogy, young man.” is genius. who wrote this???

vatican policymaking once again manipulated by powerful second commandment rights groups

george foreman grill retires to promote own grill

comic book fans adamant that human torch be played by actor whose body actually engulfed in flames

fbi quickly follows up on tip about potentially dangerous man who killed 17 in school shooting

fatal spaz attack claims life of area spaz

film about little guy battling huge, morally bankrupt organization made by huge, morally bankrupt organization

dog’s eye gunk wiped back on dog

ty cobb returns to old private practice in enchanted forest toadstool

5 episodes of ‘diners, drive-ins and dives’ where guy fieri clearly just stopped into the restaurant because he desperately needed to use the bathroom

news: a second chance: this amazing organization helps disgraced pedophiles rebuild their lives by getting them elected to political office

wtf

house haunted by elks club members

venus added to registry of historically significant planets

6 signs we’re not alone in the universe

man who has clocked 137 hours in rpg can’t believe he has to waste precious time watching cutscenes

local child amuses cafébut for how long?

life: stay calm: 6 things that could explain why your landlord is still asking you for rent after you painted a portrait of him and left it on his porch

michelle obama not so keen on president's new bangs

senate unable to get enough republican votes to honor 'to kill a mockingbird'

every map you’ve looked at is wrong: this one finally gets the sizes right

world’s insect leaders attend g20,000,000,000 summit

local internet user completely unaware he a top content creator for barstool sports

fda: lucky charms no longer part of complete breakfast

mother proud she raised type of person no one would ever believe would rape someone

‘what if we try this?’ asks robotics grad student about to eliminate 30% of workforce

mitch mcconnell celebrates brett kavanaugh as culmination of everything he's worked against

leonardo dicaprio agrees to donate it-factor to science

nation would rather think about 9/11 than anything from subsequent 10 years

hi, write me... [email protected]

shaken secretary of transportation reduces speed limit to 5 mph after witnessing accident

michelle obama: ‘well, there are 8 years of my life i’ll never get back’

u.s. to give limestone-based economy a shot starting next week

family at restaurant reminds grandma what food she likes

north korea ranked least-entertained nation on earth

man somehow getting worse at sex

jews, muslims, hindus agree on chicken

report: countless invasive species detained in epa black sites

professor sees parallels between things, other things

guy who died playing 'league of legends' in internet café really starting to ruin game for other patrons

woman with six dogs resents non-dogs

onion news empire official trailer

inspired man bolts out of bed at 3 a.m. to jot down great new worry

life: making a difference: this nonprofit collects the trash floating in the pacific ocean and dumps it on a sick freak who absolutely loves it

news: cosmo has apologized for publishing its controversial ‘10 ways to drive a neo-nazi wild in the sack’ list

the onion’s 2014 university rankings

5 classic video games that are sadly ruined because they have villains in them

report: middle east quickly running out of land area for violence to spill over to

one beer can't do local alcoholic any harm

everyone proud of grandma for staying awake

news: not messing around: j.k. rowling just threatened to write a short story where harry potter drowns in a septic tank at woodstock ’99 if fans don’t do something big for her birthday

how do construction workers push their bodies to finish olympic stadiums on time?

major blunder: jimmy carter just accidentally built an espn zone instead of a habitat for humanity house and everyone had to act like that was the plan all along

dancing, pantsless rex tillerson slides across floor of empty state department

5 things to know about santa claus

must see: incredible: when this terminally ill child wanted to meet will smith, will cut his $400,000 appearance fee in half to help make that happen

palin unveils 9/11 firefighter cousin, reformed lesbian niece, naturalized mexican half brother

area applebee's a hotbed of machiavellian political maneuvering [classic from 2000]

half of hollywood test group screened placebo film

robed mark warner infiltrates secret torchlit ahca ceremony deep in woods behind capitol

‘star wars’ fans, rejoice! ea has released a ‘star wars’ game where players control the man who has to put yoda’s dead body in a trash bag and mail it to han solo

'help has to be on the way now,' thinks syrian man currently being gassed

american people hire high-powered lobbyist to push interests in congress

judge declares aerobics instructor too fit to stand trial

white house celebrates fifth straight year without oral sex

trump preemptively tells melania he won't give her a kidney

tyson foods sends cease-and-desist to trump for using slaughterhouse recordings as pump-up anthem at rallies

white house guidance counselor recommends clinton consider career in hotel management

study: human imagination capable of magnificent things during masturbation

changing channel on local bar's tv more of a process than area man anticipated

life: security failure: epipen’s database of everyone who’s allergic to bees has been obtained by bees

vacationing family visits world's biggest asshole

report: afghan mineral deposits could completely revolutionize nation's system of corruption

mom on vacation marveling at time difference compared to home

life: first we gave this girl a barbie. then we gave her a doll with normal proportions. then we gave her a doll with goat hooves

chuck e. cheese's pit boss tells floor attendant to keep an eye on guest winning big at skee-ball

new sitcom pulls back the envelope

it’s time to talk about america in the broadest, least focused sense

i’m always open to feedback that i can get defensive about and ultimately ignore

nasa scientists make life-changing discovery but you kind of had to be there

mass e-mail only has four recipients

what compromising information does russia have on donald trump?

life choices leading area man to career in self-storage

proud father teaches son how to shave eyebrows for first time

ohio state puts urban meyer on paid secret coaching leave

letter of recommendation reused for eighth intern

needle-exchange program attracting 'druggies'

whose mouth is this?

tv's mork to star in film

7 animals i just thought up right now, off the top of my head

u.s. forest service kills off smokey bear to get people serious about fire safety

hillary clinton pleasantly surprised after finding old $20,000 donation check in coat pocket

abusive husband was himself abuser as child

lucky to be alive: harrison ford got his sleeve caught in his computer’s floppy disk drive and was sucked into cyberspace