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AITA For suing my girlfriend after she had my 1967 impala project taken to the scrapyard?
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i'll try to keep this short. i had a [1967 impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/hlbpptf.jpg) that i bought in feb 2019. a couple months ago i bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. i moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. i had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. about two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. she wants to park in the garage but i have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. i tell her tough luck its my house and its not like i can just throw it back together real quick. anyways i was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company i work for. when i got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. i though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then i realized that i didn't see her car in it's usual spot. i asked her where she parked so i could make sure i mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. i asked how and she told me to go check it out. turns out that while i was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. i was absolutely dumbfounded. i had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. i told her that i was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like i was being dramatic. i told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. i admit i was a really angry but i did end up getting a lawyer, and as i have all the receipts for all that money spent and i have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all i think i can win. her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money i spent, and that i should just let it go. but i have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if i am not going to get justice for what she did. aita
| 70,805 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gr8bp3/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/
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2020-05-26 23:35:45
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nta - sue her ass. sue her for the cost plus a few extra thousand for the time and money. have her prosecuted for theft, destruction of private property and have the guys that came to get it prosecuted for receiving stolen goods. nail them all to the wall.
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nta! how do you have the nerve to do something like that in someone’s home? she isn’t even your wife!! she went too far and i say you dodged a bullet.
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nta: holy shit, definitely not the asshole. that’s like your girlfriend selling a dog out from under you while you are on a business trip because she didn’t like it!
the audacity. if she didn’t like it, she could’ve just ignored it. the most toxic part is that she sees no issue. your property, your house, she throws it away? and if any judge knows the worth of that car they would understand suing her for the costs. let alone the time you spent on it.
that’s a hobby, and a damn good one. if she couldn’t support you and your project, that probably would’ve been a red flag for anything you do later on. i think this is all justified.
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nta. my husband has several old cars. i haven't seen the inside of the garage in twenty years. but he loves his hobby cars and i would never dream of asking him to lose one. i say take her to court. be sure you sue for replacement cost. the impalas are getting hard to come by and you may have to pay more than you think. oh, and congrats on dodging the bullet with that one. if she pulled this crap in the first year. just think what she would be trying after a couple of kids and ten years of marriage.
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nta. what is with this sub and terrible so's who don't respect their partner's property and passions? like how the fuck did she expect you act?! *oh, yay you completely destroyed my passion project while also causing a considerable financial loss. but at least your car is in the garage!* 🙄
she wasn't very bright, being dumped, and sued is the most predictable outcome from this scenario.
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completely, definitely, whole-heartedly nta!!!!!! what a horrid human being! what a selfish, ungrateful and disgusting human being!
‘67 impala?!?!
i want to sue her too! i’m going to sue her for making you have to post this and causing me emotional distress!
is there like a gofundme for suing people?! cause i’ll contribute.
gosueher.com?
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i would file a police report and see if there was any way that you could get her prosecuted. nta.
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nta.
relationship wise: this was a gross overstep on her part just to get her way on something minor. ending the relationship immediately was the right thing to do.
legal wise: don’t destroy something you can’t afford to replace. take her down, let her pay it off over the next few years.
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nta. i can make an educated guess as to why it was a 67 impala, and i am horrified for you. that’s straight up theft. if that’s how she treats your baby, imagine what else she’ll feel free to dispose of.
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nta. on a normal day this would be bad enough, but as a petrolhead this really has got my blood boiling i can only imagine how much this meant to you. i am so sorry this has happened to you. i am so sorry is there anyway you could get the car back?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'll try to keep this short. i had a [1967 impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/hlbpptf.jpg) that i bought in feb 2019. a couple months ago i bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. i moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. i had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. about two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. she wants to park in the garage but i have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. i tell her tough luck its my house and its not like i can just throw it back together real quick. anyways i was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company i work for. when i got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. i though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then i realized that i didn't see her car in it's usual spot. i asked her where she parked so i could make sure i mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. i asked how and she told me to go check it out. turns out that while i was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. i was absolutely dumbfounded. i had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. i told her that i was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like i was being dramatic. i told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. i admit i was a really angry but i did end up getting a lawyer, and as i have all the receipts for all that money spent and i have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all i think i can win. her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money i spent, and that i should just let it go. but i have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if i am not going to get justice for what she did. aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'll try to keep this short. i had a [1967 impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/hlbpptf.jpg) that i bought in feb 2019. a couple months ago i bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. i moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. i had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. about two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. she wants to park in the garage but i have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. i tell her tough luck its my house and its not like i can just throw it back together real quick. anyways i was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company i work for. when i got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. i though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then i realized that i didn't see her car in it's usual spot. i asked her where she parked so i could make sure i mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. i asked how and she told me to go check it out. turns out that while i was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. i was absolutely dumbfounded. i had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. i told her that i was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like i was being dramatic. i told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. i admit i was a really angry but i did end up getting a lawyer, and as i have all the receipts for all that money spent and i have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all i think i can win. her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money i spent, and that i should just let it go. but i have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if i am not going to get justice for what she did. aita [/INST] nta - sue her ass. sue her for the cost plus a few extra thousand for the time and money. have her prosecuted for theft, destruction of private property and have the guys that came to get it prosecuted for receiving stolen goods. nail them all to the wall. </s>
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AITA for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me?
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i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are:
james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy.
danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too.
so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids.
so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs.
so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine.
so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired."
i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave.
the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service"
of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences.
anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired.
aita for this joke?
| 60,634 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e5k3z2/aita_for_pretending_to_get_fired_when_customers/
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2019-12-03 17:07:53
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nta that's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers.
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nta. i think it’s hilarious and maybe it’ll teach some people a lesson about controlling their assholery.
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you’re not an asshole at all. you’re the hero retailers need! brilliant.
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nta - customers can be fucking dicks. usually people are pretty respectful and reasonable, even when they have a legit complaint... but every now and then there's the one guy or gal that comes in and just can't be made happy. they're the worst.
i've taken the approach of "killing with kindness" and being sarcastically polite... "oh, ok sir. i can microwave your coffee for you, would you like 2 minutes or 5?" it's fun, usually pisses them off more but they can't do anything because you're not saying anything wrong.
i'm curious how the customer acts when they come in the next day / following week and you're still behind the counter?
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nta- fun fact harrods actually hires people for this. if a customer is upset in the store, the manager will call back the “offender” and fire them in front of the customer to satiate them. then, the guy who’s job it is to be fired just goes back to the back room and waits for another customer to get angry so he can be fired again. i think it’s even better that you’re using it to make people think twice about being a-holes in the store
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this kind of reminds me of a video on youtube where a kid (teen) goes to a barber for a haircut and i can't remember what the prank was but his intention was to prank the barber with some kind of shock reaction prank.
well, someone had told the barber about what the kid had planned so the barber had his own prank planned.
when the kid did his prank, the barber faked a heart attack and "died" right there on the barber shop floor. it was hilarious.
i know this isn't the same thing as op post but for some reason it made me remember it.
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esh
the customers are obviously assholes for being assholes for no good reason.
yes, you are a little bit of an asshole. is it justified? absolutely. are you still an asshole? yes. unfortunately, in a customer service role, you are always going to have to deal with people who are angry over absolutely nothing. it is part of the job. is it fair? no. in a perfect world, those customers would not exist, but we live in reality and that is part of the reality especially of that job.
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nta. [some places have mirrors placed behind the counter because it has proven that people behave better when they can see what they look like when they act out.](http://disclosive.com/list/why-big-mirrors-are-installed-in-bars-behind-the-counters) some people seriously need a wake up call when they start misbehaving.
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is this a good idea? i know if i see a manager or lead fire an employee in public i would think less of the business and management. and likely get my. coffee elsewhere. you may be indirectly costing the business by doing so. may not be a big deal to you, but to the owners of a small business it can do harm.
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nta. that's hilarious, and puts shitty customers in their place.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.024102 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are: james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too. so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine. so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired." i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. aita for this joke?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are: james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too. so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine. so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired." i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. aita for this joke? [/INST] nta that's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers. </s>
|
AITA for bringing my SIL’s wallet to the restaurant when she conveniently always forgets it?
| 60,326 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x2k5kv/aita_for_bringing_my_sils_wallet_to_the/
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2022-08-31 17:59:37
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nta but you totally should have flipped the switch- left your wallet at home- only brought your licence so she had to cover the whole bill then never taken her out to a restaurant again
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she made the reservation and invited you. etiquette says she would be responsible for 100% of that bill.
nta
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nta. awesome power move. but when is your husband gonna step up and make her pay her share?
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nta. that was a boss move. but if you want to keep it up without getting accused of touching her things, when you're in the car, don't let your husband start driving until she shows you she has her wallet on her. you told her right up front "i'm not paying this time." and she tried to push you into it. honestly, i don't know why you keep going out with her. cancel. or insist your husband pays. like, what does he say about all of this? because he needs to have a chat with his sister about how she's abusing your generosity.
next time she stays and says there's a reservation: "oh, hey, i hope you guys have a nice time. yeah, i'm not going. i'm getting tired of someone who isn't my husband continuously trying to fuck me."
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nta - why do you and your husband still allow her to stay with you or choose expe sive restaurants or even go out with her?
i think you need to talk to your husband about this behaviour. i am very curious as to why he hasn't stepped in and shut this down and wonder if he is the one encouraging her to do this behind your back.
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stop eating out with her. when she makes a reservation. tell her to have a nice evening and doordash yourself a nice meal.
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nta.
she’s playing checkers, you’re playing chess, and she’s mad you called her on her bs.
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usually, i'm against people touching others' property, but in this case, well done. be aware that next time she will be hiding her wallet, but maybe just refuse to go out to dinner if she didn't bring her wallet/card. let her know if she doesn't pay she will not be going out with you and your husband and make it clear that your hospitality is a courtesy, not an obligation. she's very welcome to stay in a hotel next time if she doesn't abide by the rules and respects you. your husband's family might start harassing you after you establish the rules, so might be worth having a dialogue with your husband and having him be "the bad cop". if the family complains, tell them that they are welcome to pay your sil's expenses, including past dinners if you have the receipts or bank statements.
your sil's an entitled brat.
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nta. stone cold busted. next time she books an expensive restaurant, just stand her up, and even better, tell her to find a hotel for her next visit.
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nta - i would have done the same. she’s only furious because you called her on her crap and beat her at her own game. if she genuinely forgot her wallet she would be thanking you for having the forethought to remember it for her so since she’s so “forgetful”.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta but you totally should have flipped the switch- left your wallet at home- only brought your licence so she had to cover the whole bill then never taken her out to a restaurant again </s>
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AITA for making a dad joke?
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note. my step-daughter, madeline, was about a year old when i married her mother, jessica. madeline’s father died before she was born.
madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. she did something bad, so while picking her up, i set a punishment up for her. then she said “you’re not my dad. i don’t have to follow you”. honestly, i got a bit hurt from that. but i understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. i just replied “i’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.”
that happened about 2 days ago. so our family was going grocery shopping, when madeline said “i’m hungry. i need food.” i decide to be extremely cheeky and say “hi hungry, i’m not your dad.” my son just started to laugh uncontrollably. my daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. and my wife was berating me “not to stoop down to her level.”
i honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. and my son agrees. so aita?
| 56,878 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhfeg9/aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/
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2019-10-13 19:41:26
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esh, but that was one hell of a joke and i congratulate you for it.
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yta but a small one, it's a fun joke but wrong audience..
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esh. but a+ for execution
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i thought it was funny, but i too am an asshole
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nta if it was a one time thing.
teenagers are a special test of our patience.
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nah it's a fun dad joke and teens are full of shit anyways
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nah. your daughter is 15, so she's somewhat of an involuntary asshole by virtue of being a teenager. what she said was hurtful, but chances are she'll come around with maturity.
your dad joke was funny and harmless. i am seriously struggling to find anything negative to glean from it. even when i was an assholey teen i enjoyed my dad's cringe-worthy jokes, so this just comes across as very wholesome to me.
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nta
she is old enough to know that words have power. while you may have said it in a joking manner, she got to feel a little bit of what you felt when she said you were not her father. that being said, this is an opportunity to sit down with her and let her know that you do love her, very much consider yourself her father, and then let it ride.
teenage girls are hard on their parents in the best of circumstances. go with god.
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esh. my dad is not my biological father and when i was a teen i went through similar angst and wanted to lash out. now i had the good sense to know that saying something like that would be extremely hurtful so i never did. but also if my dad ever said something like that, especially in front of my brother who is his biological son i would’ve been heartbroken. i think you need to sit down and have a discussion with her about those kinds of comments, in my opinion if you don’t this is gonna hurt her for a long time
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well, biology aside, do you see yourself as her dad? because i'm betting you do, and the fact that you'd say you aren't, in public no less, is probably confirming her own adolescent fears. she is probably actually insecure about you not being her "real" dad, and i bet that makes her worry that you won't always be there for her. she's a kid and you're an adult, you have to show her the right way to be and be the role model she needs. yta. apologize.
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
| 0.679453 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: note. my step-daughter, madeline, was about a year old when i married her mother, jessica. madeline’s father died before she was born. madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. she did something bad, so while picking her up, i set a punishment up for her. then she said “you’re not my dad. i don’t have to follow you”. honestly, i got a bit hurt from that. but i understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. i just replied “i’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.” that happened about 2 days ago. so our family was going grocery shopping, when madeline said “i’m hungry. i need food.” i decide to be extremely cheeky and say “hi hungry, i’m not your dad.” my son just started to laugh uncontrollably. my daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. and my wife was berating me “not to stoop down to her level.” i honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. and my son agrees. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
note. my step-daughter, madeline, was about a year old when i married her mother, jessica. madeline’s father died before she was born. madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. she did something bad, so while picking her up, i set a punishment up for her. then she said “you’re not my dad. i don’t have to follow you”. honestly, i got a bit hurt from that. but i understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. i just replied “i’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.” that happened about 2 days ago. so our family was going grocery shopping, when madeline said “i’m hungry. i need food.” i decide to be extremely cheeky and say “hi hungry, i’m not your dad.” my son just started to laugh uncontrollably. my daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. and my wife was berating me “not to stoop down to her level.” i honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. and my son agrees. so aita? [/INST] esh, but that was one hell of a joke and i congratulate you for it. </s>
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WIBTA for refusing to stop cooking bacon in my kitchen due to my teenage daughters vegan lifestyle?
|
dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but i’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one.
we’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. this year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and i jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. we learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, i adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc.
none of this has been a problem for me until recently. she saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then i rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. she exploded in anger (teen years, i’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, i know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was her pan for vegan food. i was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not your pan.
she asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. i didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so i said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. the reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that i’m not to touch them unless i’m cooking vegan.
that wasn’t good enough. now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because i eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. i don’t mean i literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because i wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter.
frankly i’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. my wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. my daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. now i’m sorry for her, but i feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because i’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.
| 51,279 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dkqv29/wibta_for_refusing_to_stop_cooking_bacon_in_my/
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2019-10-20 22:19:11
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nta. get her a special sponge she can use to wash her own dishes so she didn't have to use the "tainted" dishwasher.
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as a teen who’s trying to go vegetarian, your daughter is acting ridiculous. “the dish washing machine’s tainted”? what kind of bull is that? and she shouldn’t be forcing you guys to go vegan in your own house if you don’t want to. you’ve been very supportive as it is, buying separate pans. ywnbta
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nta, and i say that as a vegan. "cross contamination" is bs that militant vegans make up to make themselves feel superior to other vegans. and she has to understand that there's going to be meat around. i get that it upsets her, really, but unless she only lives with vegans for the rest of her life this is something she is going to have to get used to.
a compromise might be too keep the meat in a drawer in the fridge rather than getting rid of it altogether.
she's young, and a new vegan, so the good news is that she will probably grow out of/ease up on it. when you first go vegan you're so excited and feel so enlightened, like no one ever figured this out before you. then you get a little jaded and relax a bit. try to tough it out and keep talking to her. but no, you do not need to stop making/storing meat in your house just for her.
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nta.
she's 14. there is no middle ground at 14. my condolences, as it's going to be a long winter.
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pfft had a vegan roommate in the past. he used the fridge and dishwasher just fine. time for a real world lesson for her - she's not always gonna live with people who share her food lifestyle. she's got to learn to compromise. there is no reason to inconvenience yourselves and others because she's being a dramatic teen.
compromise - she has her own cookware and her own meat free section of the fridge.
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nta. you're already being as supporting as you can, but at the end of the day it's your house. you don't need to bend the knee to your daughter over this.
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nta, obviously. you've been supportive of her new diet choice and have been very accommodating by getting her pans to use for vegan food. she can't expect you to change your whole lifestyle to cater to her. meat needs to be kept in the fridge, and if the dishwasher is tainted then maybe she should try washing a dish by hand *gasp*.
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you know the answer, i'm assuming this is for your wife 😄 you are accommodating despite it being irrational. it's now being pushed to a new level of irrational. explain to your daughter that you're trying to be as accommodating as possible but this is too far for you and there's no grounds for farther arguing because you don't have the same perspective as her. she might be mad at you, but when she has her own living space and gets to make the rules, she might understand why you don't want to be forced to go elsewhere to eat.
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nta many vegans cohabitate successfully with meat eaters, your daughter is pushing the line here and being unreasonable. you have gone out of your way to support her dietary choices (i'm assuming that she washes her own pans and dishes by hand herself rather than using the contaminated dishwasher lol) it is time for her to learn how to coexist peacefully with people that dont think exactly like she does.
i think you wife is 100% wrong here and is trying to take the easy way to avoiding an angsty teenager being difficult....this is a fantastic learning experience for your daughter in tolerance and compromise.
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nta, but this actually sounds really complicated. teenage girls can have very contentious relationships with food, and that can express themselves in a lot of ways. i think you need to get more information going forward. she might just be a teen pushing limits and seeing what she can control. she might also genuinely be struggling with ideas about, “cleanliness” as it related to food.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but i’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one. we’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. this year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and i jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. we learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, i adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc. none of this has been a problem for me until recently. she saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then i rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. she exploded in anger (teen years, i’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, i know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was her pan for vegan food. i was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not your pan. she asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. i didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so i said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. the reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that i’m not to touch them unless i’m cooking vegan. that wasn’t good enough. now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because i eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. i don’t mean i literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because i wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter. frankly i’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. my wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. my daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. now i’m sorry for her, but i feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because i’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but i’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one. we’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. this year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and i jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. we learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, i adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc. none of this has been a problem for me until recently. she saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then i rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. she exploded in anger (teen years, i’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, i know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was her pan for vegan food. i was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not your pan. she asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. i didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so i said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. the reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that i’m not to touch them unless i’m cooking vegan. that wasn’t good enough. now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because i eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. i don’t mean i literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because i wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter. frankly i’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. my wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. my daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. now i’m sorry for her, but i feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because i’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house. [/INST] nta. get her a special sponge she can use to wash her own dishes so she didn't have to use the "tainted" dishwasher. </s>
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Aita for wearing the “joke” bikini my friend got me?
|
so it was my birthday couple months ago. had a party. got some gifts. my friend “mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. i liked it. said thanks. she had ripped the tags off but whatever.
anyway. went to the community pool with my roommate. wore bikini. got in the water. roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... i look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru.
haha good joke mandy.
anyway, mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. most leave and we’re still hanging out. i’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? i go change after them. and meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. i hop in. immediately, he’s looking at my chest. i pretend i don’t notice and just make small talk. she comes out a few min after. and just looks in shock. eventually gets in. “uhh is that the one i bought?” yeah i love it. i wear it everywhere. make up some stuff about how i wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”.
we’re in the tub for 20-30. eventually get out and change. she approached me after and was like. “uhm i’m sorry thought you’d notice. but it goes kinda see thru”. i’m like yeah i know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “she’s like it’s a joke. wait you knew? so you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” i reply i’m just wearing my birthday gift from her.
anyway. aita?
| 50,961 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d7yuot/aita_for_wearing_the_joke_bikini_my_friend_got_me/
|
2019-09-23 00:16:51
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nta
well played!!!
you deserve an award, but i’m broke. so here’s an emoji instead. 🏅 🎖 🥇
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nta. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. plus it's not your fault he was blatantly stating at your tits right in front of her.
e: because it still isn't clear to literally anyone, i'm saying mandy has nobody to blame but herself for what happened.
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nta. she knew what kind of gift she was giving you, you were just getting her back in a harmless way. no one's gonna die from seeing boobs. now you can all have a laugh about it.
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nah, she pranked you, you pranked her
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esh. her for her buying you see through clothing and you for basically getting naked in front of her and her bf
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ahhaha op this is fantastic. i won't give a judgement. i'm leaning fairly heavy towards no assholes here but a part of me does feel like everyone sucks cause you did purposefully do something that you know would bother your friend.
she absolutely deserves it though. and you simply outplayed her. she was playing checkers when you were playing cheese. well done.
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esh and you know it. obviously she's ta for letting you wear a see through bikini in public.
but you're an adult. deal with it like an adult. knowingly exposing your body to people that did not actively consent to seeing it is not the adult way to handle things.
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nah
esh if you squint
her joke was just as harmless as yours. not tasteful, imo, but harmless and not asshole-y. i don't see it as much as either of you being jerks, and more like a back-and-fourth prank. now you're on equal ground, lol.
(also, if her boyfriend was distracted that's on him, not you or her)
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[deleted]
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esh. you're both shitty friends and thoroughly deserve each other.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
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NAH
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ESH
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NAH
| null |
ESH
| 0.27716 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so it was my birthday couple months ago. had a party. got some gifts. my friend “mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. i liked it. said thanks. she had ripped the tags off but whatever. anyway. went to the community pool with my roommate. wore bikini. got in the water. roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... i look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru. haha good joke mandy. anyway, mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. most leave and we’re still hanging out. i’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? i go change after them. and meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. i hop in. immediately, he’s looking at my chest. i pretend i don’t notice and just make small talk. she comes out a few min after. and just looks in shock. eventually gets in. “uhh is that the one i bought?” yeah i love it. i wear it everywhere. make up some stuff about how i wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”. we’re in the tub for 20-30. eventually get out and change. she approached me after and was like. “uhm i’m sorry thought you’d notice. but it goes kinda see thru”. i’m like yeah i know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “she’s like it’s a joke. wait you knew? so you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” i reply i’m just wearing my birthday gift from her. anyway. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so it was my birthday couple months ago. had a party. got some gifts. my friend “mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. i liked it. said thanks. she had ripped the tags off but whatever. anyway. went to the community pool with my roommate. wore bikini. got in the water. roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... i look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru. haha good joke mandy. anyway, mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. most leave and we’re still hanging out. i’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? i go change after them. and meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. i hop in. immediately, he’s looking at my chest. i pretend i don’t notice and just make small talk. she comes out a few min after. and just looks in shock. eventually gets in. “uhh is that the one i bought?” yeah i love it. i wear it everywhere. make up some stuff about how i wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”. we’re in the tub for 20-30. eventually get out and change. she approached me after and was like. “uhm i’m sorry thought you’d notice. but it goes kinda see thru”. i’m like yeah i know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “she’s like it’s a joke. wait you knew? so you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” i reply i’m just wearing my birthday gift from her. anyway. aita? [/INST] nta well played!!! you deserve an award, but i’m broke. so here’s an emoji instead. 🏅 🎖 🥇 </s>
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AITA for telling my extended family how many men (roughly) my sister has slept with after she outed our youngest brother as a virgin?
|
we had a family dinner this evening. my family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29f), younger sister (24f) and youngest brother (22m).
extended family attended our family dinner. so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. during the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. my sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. the two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up.
eventually my sister got really fed up and said “shut up, i’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” my brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. i think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk.
anyway, i immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. she replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. this annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this.
so i responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, i genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past.
family is blaming me for their marital problems. i refuse to accept i did anything wrong. my sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all i did was give her a taste of her own medicine.
| 49,334 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cihc3z/aita_for_telling_my_extended_family_how_many_men/
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2019-07-27 13:11:51
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esh one person making personal attacks doesn’t mean someone else should- especially since you weren’t even in the argument to begin with.
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nta. you were looking out for your little brother and you fought with the truth. if your sister can't take the truth, she shouldn't dish it out. she also shouldn't have kept it from her husband.
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nta.
1. she started the personal attacks on body count so she can’t be mad when someone points out hers.
2. she lied to her husband about her past and that’s her fault. if anything she’s the asshole for that.
3. if their marriage is truly in trouble for you speaking the truth it’s probably not the best match
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esh
it makes you look trashy and gross to have this personal info on your sister. and most people probably didn't think less of your brother when they heard virgin. it's family. family does not give a shit about your sex life. unless you're married and making babies. you got involved in a fight that didn't involve you. they shouldn't have been fighting so much. but you could have said something sooner and just asked them to stop. you did nothing but add fuel to the fire and behaved like a child.
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nta.
i feel like everyone voting esh thinks it’s more “damaging” to be slut shamed than it is to be shamed for being a virgin.
i was a late bloomer- literally every sexual milestone was hit wayyyy after what is “socially acceptable” for people my age. when you tell a person that you’re still a virgin you’re immediately hit with ‘the eye’. they stare at you and critique you like “yea their nose is a little big i guess...they’re pretty socially awkward so i can see why” etc. trying to make sense of what’s ‘wrong’ with you that no one wants to have sex with you 🙄
“i feel like once you have sex you’ll feel differently” “thats so cute-it’s good that you’re waiting because you should make it special- i didn’t and i totes regret it so really this is a blessing in disguise” etc.
it makes you feel like a little kid trying to sit at the grown up table.
“oh you aren’t missing anything trust me- it’s better to wait anyway” etc. just a ton of patronizing comments that all in all make you feel “less than” which is exactly what slut shaming is meant to do.
if the sister didn’t want anyone to poke at her past then she shouldn’t be delving into her brothers lack of one.
“being a virgin isn’t a big deal” the sister said it because she clearly feels like it is and she wanted to invalidate her brothers voice. that was the whole point of her comment. his opinion (in her eyes) is ‘less than’ because he’s a virgin.
i feel like most people don’t understand what it is to be told that you’re less of a person/less of an adult because you haven’t stuck your dick in someone/let someone stick their dick in you.
it’s a very degrading concept.
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nta - people really need to learn not to dish it if they can't take it. simple as that.
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esh. your sister obviously was the asshole for spouting off about your brother with hurtful intentions, but you were also ta for doing the same thing back to her (even though you were just sticking up for your brother). your family is ta for blaming you for the marital problems because your sister created those problems herself by "misleading" her husband about her past.
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nta
this brightened my day to read.
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esh except your brother.
there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin or having an active sexual past. you tried to fight fire with fire by slut shaming your sister. i completely understand why you reacted how you did and i think a lot of people can relate and may have acted the same. at the end of the day you suck for bringing it up how you did because your intent was to make her feel bad. i also can’t imagine your extended family knew about her sexual past.
she sucks for calling your brother that, not telling her husband, and for continuing to be an ass when you confronted her. however, if it’s true that every single person at the table with the exception of the husband knew about her sexual past and you genuinely thought he did you are not an asshole for them having marital problems. she should’ve told him that. you just suck for trying to put her down in front of a group of people so you’re not any better than her.
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nta you were sticking up for your brother. it’s not your fault you sister wasn’t honest with her husband.
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
| 0.264545 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we had a family dinner this evening. my family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29f), younger sister (24f) and youngest brother (22m). extended family attended our family dinner. so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. during the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. my sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. the two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up. eventually my sister got really fed up and said “shut up, i’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” my brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. i think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk. anyway, i immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. she replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. this annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this. so i responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, i genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past. family is blaming me for their marital problems. i refuse to accept i did anything wrong. my sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all i did was give her a taste of her own medicine.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we had a family dinner this evening. my family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29f), younger sister (24f) and youngest brother (22m). extended family attended our family dinner. so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. during the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. my sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. the two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up. eventually my sister got really fed up and said “shut up, i’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” my brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. i think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk. anyway, i immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. she replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. this annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this. so i responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, i genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past. family is blaming me for their marital problems. i refuse to accept i did anything wrong. my sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all i did was give her a taste of her own medicine. [/INST] esh one person making personal attacks doesn’t mean someone else should- especially since you weren’t even in the argument to begin with. </s>
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AITA for telling my son he deserved his gf breaking up with him?
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so my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. she was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. she was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her.
i tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. he said no. and my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. i spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. which is fair enough.
he said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. my son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc.
last week, he told us she’s dumped him. i went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son.
i confessed to them both that i actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. he did not treat her properly and i hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. i said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time.
wife and son are very upset that i said this. very very upset and my wife says i am being horrible.
aita? i stand by what i said.
| 47,767 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/daglhs/aita_for_telling_my_son_he_deserved_his_gf/
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2019-09-28 14:21:44
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nta. that's the truth.
what age is he?
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nta it’s a truth he needs to hear. i’m more concerned about the reaction of your wife. does she enable your son’s laziness?
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nta. he's been too lazy with the relationship anyway. the girl deserves someone better and your son needs to know that it takes effort to make a relationship work.
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nta - as lizzo says “truth hurts” lol
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nta. your son needs to learn that relationships are about give and take; he can't do all the taking, and if you needed to be the one pointing it out then so be it.
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[removed]
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nta but a sticky situation. your son was in the wrong and he needed to here it but because he is your son i can see why your wife would be mad at you for saying that.
if you said it bluntly it could sound cold and mean but if you had a nice talk with your son and communicate better it would work for telling him when he is being stupid. you could start off in a supporting manner saying stuff like "there are other fish in the sea" yadda yadda ect... and then tell him that he could have been a better boyfriend.
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info: this seems incredibly odd. your son wasn't even willing to fly to see her even when she said she'd only move if he visited her.
are you sure there's not some other reason he doesn't want to fly? it might just be me but it seems quite strange for someone to turn down a holiday and seeing their girlfriend of two years "just because".
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esh. like, everybody.
your son for lack of effort.
your wife for enabling him.
the girlfriend, assuming your assumption she was cheating is correct.
and you for piling on. your son already knew how you felt since you already told him. he messed up. he is hurting. now is not the time for "i told you so."
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yta
this sub, sometimes... to quote the big lebowski, "you aren't wrong, walter. you're just an asshole". yes, he was lazy. yes, she should have broken up with him. that said, no one wants their father, someone who should be their most ardent supporter, shaming them in their moment of vulnerability.
save it for when you're both reminiscing/reflecting. give him time to reach that conclusion on his own and support him through his growth. don't shove it down his throat so you can feel good because you're right.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.186339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. she was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. she was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her. i tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. he said no. and my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. i spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. which is fair enough. he said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. my son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. last week, he told us she’s dumped him. i went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. i confessed to them both that i actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. he did not treat her properly and i hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. i said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. wife and son are very upset that i said this. very very upset and my wife says i am being horrible. aita? i stand by what i said.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. she was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. she was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her. i tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. he said no. and my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. i spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. which is fair enough. he said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. my son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. last week, he told us she’s dumped him. i went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already. me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. i confessed to them both that i actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. he did not treat her properly and i hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort. i said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. wife and son are very upset that i said this. very very upset and my wife says i am being horrible. aita? i stand by what i said. [/INST] nta. that's the truth. what age is he? </s>
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AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship
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i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers.
because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college.
i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle.
my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all.
| 47,559 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9pm5u/aita_telling_my_parents_to_pay_me_back_my_college/
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2020-08-14 16:53:59
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nta.
hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to.
as far as i can see, your answer to them was perfect. it was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child.
never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. no exceptions. that includes your bigoted brothers.
&#x200b;
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nta thats a generic 'sorry you're upset non apology. they are just around now because they want to influence the baby.
the 100k ask is fair if they have the means to pay it.
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wow.
i would typically say that you would be the ah, because expecting money from family is never a good thing but i am making an exception here.
no, you're nta. being singled out like that because you are a woman is gross, and it's terribly unfair that your brothers got a free ride and you didn't for that one fact.
good on you though, for making your own way in spite of them.
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nta.
i’m proud of you, by the way. despite your upbringing you persevered. keep staying strong and standing your ground.
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sorry your family sucks, but honestly fuck them, your brothers most of all for being so entitled while simultaneously giving you shit for wanting what they got for free. nta
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nta
your parents unfortunately can't prove that they're sorry because they aren't.
tell your brothers "you know what else is immature and hurtful? sexism, parental neglect, and forcing your child into debt."
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nta, your parents treated you terribly due to your gender and their archaic ideas of gender roles. when given the chance to apologize they couldnt be bothered to provide a sincere one.
should you realistically expect 100k, no, but the fact they are not even willing to try to make amends is ridiculous.
nobody is entitled to a "forgive and forget" situation, so if your not willing to do so that's a valid choice.
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nta
only showing up now to "save" their grandchilds soul. they just wanna push their crap onto the next generation.
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[deleted]
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hi op--just want to say i don't think you're being an asshole here given all the pain & hardship your family put you through just so you could ensure you had a baseline successful life. but there's still space for forgiveness and a renewed relationship if you're open to it:
* ask them to fund a 529 for your child to help fund their college education. asking for 100k, due immediately, tells them they owe you a debt (which they do)--but there's more than one way to pay it off. obviously this is more meaningful if you have a daughter, but it gives you proof that they're serious
* ensure that, if they're to have a relationship with their grandkid, they keep all their sexist bs out of it
sometimes the best way to change people and show them they were wrong is to bring them to your side, and show by example, instead of keeping them away. you're justified if you don't want to open up this relationship again, but there might be room to repair something. best of luck with the little one on the way :)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college. i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college. i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all. [/INST] nta. hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to. as far as i can see, your answer to them was perfect. it was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child. never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. no exceptions. that includes your bigoted brothers. &#x200b; </s>
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AITA for sleeping naked on top of the covers to teach my flatmate's gf a lesson?
|
new to reddit, please bare with.
so i (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. up until last week, things were perfect between us.
however, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. she and i have quite a lot in common, and i actually like spending time with her. however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; i'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. however, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if i want coffee. i sleep naked. every time prior to the last one, i've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. i always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but i didn't".
when she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, i intentionally slept on top of the covers. sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if i want coffee and sees my you-know-what. she immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that i'd "threatened" to do it before (i literally just said "okay but what if i had no covers and you saw everything" before). they're now framing this to others that i'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how i get my rocks off, and i'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. aita for doing this?
| 47,420 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d10cpy/aita_for_sleeping_naked_on_top_of_the_covers_to/
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2019-09-07 19:21:39
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nta. she knew it was a risk when she barged in. how is she not the pervert? also, have you considered getting a lock?
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nta do these people not realize how crazy they sound?
"you were naked in your own room!? you are out of order mister".
if they are the sort of people who then go around telling people you are some sick creep, they are not your friends.
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wow, what assholes. you're ta because she barged into your room?! f them! and also, obvi, nta.
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nta. who barges in without knocking? assholes.
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nta. they both are. lock your door from now on if you can.
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nta.
this girl sounds like she's blatantly trying to get you in trouble.... maybe she has a twisted plan to get you out of the house?
i don't know, but it seriously sounds like she might be doing this on purpose.
&#x200b;
you told her to knock on many many occasions and she even giggled when you said "next time i will be bloody naked" and then you get called a pervert and an ass for actually following through?
she is most certainly the asshole here.
&#x200b;
sit down with your friend and really get this point across that she is invading your privacy.
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nta. you "threatened " to do it yet she still barged in. what does that say about her? 😁
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esh. she needs to respect privacy but yeah, you knew full well what she would do and, rather than talk to your friend like an adult about how uncomfortable it makes you, you knowingly and deliberately exposed yourself to her.
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nta, i actually think it's pretty funny this is the way you chose to make your point. you deserve your privacy and she obviously isn't respecting that. if you told her before and she just shrugged it off then maybe a little shock and real life demonstration is what she needed in order to get the point across. also screw those people. you didn't expose yourself to her, she exposed herself to you by barging into your private space after being warned already. you have every right to be naked in the privacy of your own room
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nta but you can get around this two ways. replace the whole knob with a locking one. keep the old one and put it back when you leave. or even easier buy a rubber wedge and put it under the door. shepherd hardware 9133 heavy duty rubber door wedge, brown https://www.amazon.com/dp/b00004yohn/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5zaddbrn85dw1 $3.49 problem solved.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: new to reddit, please bare with. so i (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. up until last week, things were perfect between us. however, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. she and i have quite a lot in common, and i actually like spending time with her. however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; i'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. however, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if i want coffee. i sleep naked. every time prior to the last one, i've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. i always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but i didn't". when she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, i intentionally slept on top of the covers. sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if i want coffee and sees my you-know-what. she immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that i'd "threatened" to do it before (i literally just said "okay but what if i had no covers and you saw everything" before). they're now framing this to others that i'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how i get my rocks off, and i'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. aita for doing this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
new to reddit, please bare with. so i (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. up until last week, things were perfect between us. however, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. she and i have quite a lot in common, and i actually like spending time with her. however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; i'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. however, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if i want coffee. i sleep naked. every time prior to the last one, i've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. i always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but i didn't". when she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, i intentionally slept on top of the covers. sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if i want coffee and sees my you-know-what. she immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that i'd "threatened" to do it before (i literally just said "okay but what if i had no covers and you saw everything" before). they're now framing this to others that i'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how i get my rocks off, and i'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. aita for doing this? [/INST] nta. she knew it was a risk when she barged in. how is she not the pervert? also, have you considered getting a lock? </s>
|
AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"?
|
pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications.
| 46,468 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cnml52/aita_for_suggesting_my_7yo_name_his_new_stuffed/
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2019-08-08 14:32:21
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nah
inappropriate? yes.
still funny? also yes.
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nah . you jokingly suggested a name, it's not your fault your son happened to like it. there will probably be no ramifications, but you and your wife can probably convince him to change the name if she dislikes it that much. just think of a new last name and tell him in a really excited way that you "just thought of an even better last name!" and i'd bet he'd go with you and change it.
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nah -
he's your son but i'll tell you right now you may come to regret it.
my dad one time as a reward let us watch austin powers, the one with the fat mike myers. thinking most of the humor would go over our heads; but we really wanted to see it as we heard alot about it.
i think i was in 3rd or 4th grade and my brother in 1st or 2nd.
my brother ended up going to school and pushing his chest together and told the teacher 'muh titties are bigger than yours' ...to a pretty busty teacher. my parents had to go in and have a fairly lengthy conversation.
so all in good fun you each have valid opinions. but it definitely may have some negative ramifications.
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yta. it may have gone over *his* head, but what about when he repeats it in school or around adults?
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nta. i had a toy monkey my father called "benito" (like mussolini) and i grew up just fine.
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nah but maybe refer to it as tig as much as you can, just to please your wife as a compromise
the same way you refer to his teddy bear as tess, and not miss tickles
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nta. this is hilarious.
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nah
hahahahahahaha
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yta, but also i want to say nah because it's funny. :p
but seriously, your wife is right, that is inappropriate for a 7-year-old. he's not going to know what it means, and he's going to talk to his friends about tig bitties, and some uppity soccer mom is going clutch her pearls, and it's going to be a big mess of stupid.
and then later in his life it's going to click and he's going to be like "wtf dad? why'd you have me running around talking about tig bitties when i was 7 years old?"
i don't think it's a big deal, and obviously it's too late. this is a facepalm-and-move-on kind of thing. but your wife's response is totally valid.
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nah
while your joke is very funny at least for you and me lol, something could go wrong with this name, not a mayor problem or a situation i could imagine will affect your child in a important way.
some people point out that his friends will laugh at him but, if he couldnt understand the double meaning i dont think his friends will.
also tig bitties could sound like a cute way to say tiger bites or something random a kid would put as a name to his toy lol.
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.332334 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications. [/INST] nah inappropriate? yes. still funny? also yes. </s>
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AITA for switching to regular milk to prove my lactose intolerant roommate keeps stealing from me?
|
me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up.
this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it.
one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice.
i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious.
my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys.
the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it.
last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant.
the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?”
he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up.
my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit.
i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta?
| 46,205 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvcvtt/aita_for_switching_to_regular_milk_to_prove_my/
|
2020-07-21 18:29:53
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nta. as you said if r wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem.
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nta. it’s your food. you could have put your medicine in it or even your pet’s medication in it. you could have put a laxative in it or even syrup of ipecac. and i would still say nta. when people steal food, lie about it and don’t replace it they reap what they sow. food is expensive, especially milk substitutes. without replacing the food he was essentially stealing money from your wallet.
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nta. i read a story from askamanager where something similar occurred. op liked spicy food and food thief ate it then reported op to hr for trying to poison him.
eventually op got fired after hr agreed with food thief. op got a lawyer and story came out that hr and food thief were in a relationship. company owner fired both offenders and hired op back with increased pay.
dude sucks for stealing your food and i would have done the same thing.
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nta.
> the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it.
this, children, is called projection: he knows he's stealing food, and he figures the two of you are going to try and do it to him.
dick.
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this story is incredible! who can't tell the difference between almond milk and dairy milk?
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nta
if he steals from you, he should face consequences, especially after you bringing it up to him. why would he expect you buying and using products that accomodate to his health condition?
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nta there is a saying in finnish that translates to 'the greedy ones have a shitty end', and i think that's what happened here.
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speaking as a lactose intolerant person: nta.
dude had to learn a lesson.
if drinking real milk would have killed him, or hospitalised him, then i'd say it was too far, and there should be a better way. but having to shit for 40 minutes is a hilarious, and fair, punishment.
well played, op. well played.
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nta as my husband always says " play stupid games, win stupid prizes" guy got what he deserved.
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nta hes stealing from you and you taught him a lesson. he'll have the shits boo hoo
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it. one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice. i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys. the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up. my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it. one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice. i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys. the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up. my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta? [/INST] nta. as you said if r wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem. </s>
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AITA for telling coworkers extremely bluntly why I'm not participating in the office weight loss bet?
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someone got the brilliant idea to make an office diet bet due to covid gains, with people pooling in their money to see who can lose the most weight by thanksgiving.
i am one of 7 people not participating. lots of preggos, some bodybuilders, and people who maintained their weight who aren't interested. since i've visibly gained, they thought i'd want to participate. i didn't. jen, in charge of everything, kept dropping by to remind me to turn in my form and my money.
i said "no thanks." jen wouldn't drop it. other people got involved, asking me why not all the time, it'll be fun! don't be scared, i'd "feel better" and "look better" (i told them no, i wouldn't) and it's a great way to bond, we're all in it together, it's like weight watchers!
"i'm not interested," and then eventually, "i. said. no. drop it." they decided i wanted them to convince me. two weeks into the bet, they tried to trick on the scale to "shock" me.
i contacted hr, people finally backed down. i'm eating my food one day (rice and beans), people sitting with me start dropping hints that how they feel so much better now that they aren't eating carby comfort food all the time.
i said "i'm glad you feel better."
they took this as a sign that i "knew" i'd "feel better" again and started up saying i could still join in. i finally fucking snapped and said "you guys suck. i'm a recovering anorexic. i get one whiff of competition and start starving myself for days and start puking up what i do eat until i'd have to get my third oral surgery to remove rotting teeth. does that sound worth it to you?"
chorus of "wow" and "we were just joking."
i said "no, you weren't *just joking*. congratulations, by the way. after you all wouldn't stop, i weighed myself for the first time in seven years and didn't eat for two days. does that make you all *feel good*?"
none of them would look me in the eye, so i just went home for the day. i got a call from the women in hr, who were shockingly supportive of me. one of the bodybuilder guys stepped up and said he's witnessed a lot of the harassment and he doesn't blame me for my outburst. a few others did too.
however, they had to cancel the diet bet (i didn't ask them to) and people are blaming me. saying that i can't take a joke, it wasn't "that deep" and the girls present said they no longer feel "safe" working with me because i obviously have mental issues. one of them made a big stink about "politically correct bullshit" and how i'm the typical hypersensitive milennial.
i go back and forth on this all day, thinking i should have just swallowed my anger and gone back to hr or just stopped eating lunch in the office or whatever. i didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun but i also feel justified in pushing back on their harassment.
aita?
| 44,997 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jhwisp/aita_for_telling_coworkers_extremely_bluntly_why/
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2020-10-25 16:46:09
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nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta!
they took this public, not you. your hr team handled this appropriately. i’m glad some of your coworkers are supporting you as well.
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you're spot on, because what they are doing really is harassment - and that does not belong in the workplace.
nta.
and if they continue to give you grief in *retaliation* then you should continue to report - because the issue is not done.
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no. your nta. anorexia is a horrific illness and it's not something to be played around with. you were in a good place and they put you in the bad place. i'm sorry that this has happened to you 🥺 and i really hope you are receiving the support you need.
all your coworkers who have essentially tried to "get you to play along" are fucking assholes. they pushed and pushed and pushed and didn't like it when their own assholery got a snap back (not only from you but from hr, who i am assuming is the one who shut down the bet)
also, who the fuck bets on weight loss? that's literally how people develop illnesses like anorexia and bulimia.
*cuddles* from one recovering anorexic to another. please stay safe and try to stay comfortable with eating. if you get uncomfortable again, try to speak with a professional.
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nta.
your co-workers were harassing you. no matter your reason for saving no, to a non-work related competition, they should've dropped it immediately.
honestly, i'd let hr know about the comments being made, especially the women saying they don't feel safe because you are recovering from an eating disorder. that seems like it could easily skew into more harassment from them, based on how they've acted so far.
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nta
you told them you didn't want to participate multiple times, politely. they didn't take any notice of you and unsurprisingly it eventually came to a head. this has nothing to do with political correctness and everything to do with those colleagues being insensitive. no one should be forced to take part in activity outside of work regardless of what it is, similar to how you wouldn't force a former alcoholic to go to a pub/bar.
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nta
even not considering the eating disorder. at the first "no" they should've backed down. asking someone to lose weight is harassment and you were right to contact hr.
one can have a number of reasons for not wanting to lose weight. for example "i don't want to, mind your own beeswax."
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nta - at my prior org they tried similar till someone filled a complaint with the labor department after hr didn't deal with the passive aggressive harassment that was happening to people who opted out.
i have always been uncomfortable with the dietbet model. like i'm on ww and ill see ww ambassadors endorsing diet betting and its weird.
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nta. the event was canceled because they couldn't respect your boundaries not because of you. tbh though i'd start looking around at other jobs. i had a job where a manager kept trying to get handsy with me and after 6 months of asking him to stop i reported him to hr. people started getting mad at me because they had to do harassment training and he was just messing around, it was a joke. i was written up and reported by coworkers 5 times in 3 weeks over lies until i gave my notice.
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nta. i find all diet and weight talk a bit triggering just because i closely saw what severe anorexia did to my sister. i can't imagine what it means for you, especially if its so targeted directly at you. you tried to be good, you told them no several times. i am so sorry this happened. please take care of yourself, maybe reach out to some professional help (if you dont have it) if you feel yourself spiralling! i am glad there are some people who are supportive.
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nta
are you the asshole for laying down a boundary and then sticking up for yourself when people continuously smashed right through it? no, you are not, despite all the "mean girl" attempts to gas light you. "it was just a joke" - favorite line of all bullies everywhere.
good luck with that bunch of assholes.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: someone got the brilliant idea to make an office diet bet due to covid gains, with people pooling in their money to see who can lose the most weight by thanksgiving. i am one of 7 people not participating. lots of preggos, some bodybuilders, and people who maintained their weight who aren't interested. since i've visibly gained, they thought i'd want to participate. i didn't. jen, in charge of everything, kept dropping by to remind me to turn in my form and my money. i said "no thanks." jen wouldn't drop it. other people got involved, asking me why not all the time, it'll be fun! don't be scared, i'd "feel better" and "look better" (i told them no, i wouldn't) and it's a great way to bond, we're all in it together, it's like weight watchers! "i'm not interested," and then eventually, "i. said. no. drop it." they decided i wanted them to convince me. two weeks into the bet, they tried to trick on the scale to "shock" me. i contacted hr, people finally backed down. i'm eating my food one day (rice and beans), people sitting with me start dropping hints that how they feel so much better now that they aren't eating carby comfort food all the time. i said "i'm glad you feel better." they took this as a sign that i "knew" i'd "feel better" again and started up saying i could still join in. i finally fucking snapped and said "you guys suck. i'm a recovering anorexic. i get one whiff of competition and start starving myself for days and start puking up what i do eat until i'd have to get my third oral surgery to remove rotting teeth. does that sound worth it to you?" chorus of "wow" and "we were just joking." i said "no, you weren't *just joking*. congratulations, by the way. after you all wouldn't stop, i weighed myself for the first time in seven years and didn't eat for two days. does that make you all *feel good*?" none of them would look me in the eye, so i just went home for the day. i got a call from the women in hr, who were shockingly supportive of me. one of the bodybuilder guys stepped up and said he's witnessed a lot of the harassment and he doesn't blame me for my outburst. a few others did too. however, they had to cancel the diet bet (i didn't ask them to) and people are blaming me. saying that i can't take a joke, it wasn't "that deep" and the girls present said they no longer feel "safe" working with me because i obviously have mental issues. one of them made a big stink about "politically correct bullshit" and how i'm the typical hypersensitive milennial. i go back and forth on this all day, thinking i should have just swallowed my anger and gone back to hr or just stopped eating lunch in the office or whatever. i didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun but i also feel justified in pushing back on their harassment. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
someone got the brilliant idea to make an office diet bet due to covid gains, with people pooling in their money to see who can lose the most weight by thanksgiving. i am one of 7 people not participating. lots of preggos, some bodybuilders, and people who maintained their weight who aren't interested. since i've visibly gained, they thought i'd want to participate. i didn't. jen, in charge of everything, kept dropping by to remind me to turn in my form and my money. i said "no thanks." jen wouldn't drop it. other people got involved, asking me why not all the time, it'll be fun! don't be scared, i'd "feel better" and "look better" (i told them no, i wouldn't) and it's a great way to bond, we're all in it together, it's like weight watchers! "i'm not interested," and then eventually, "i. said. no. drop it." they decided i wanted them to convince me. two weeks into the bet, they tried to trick on the scale to "shock" me. i contacted hr, people finally backed down. i'm eating my food one day (rice and beans), people sitting with me start dropping hints that how they feel so much better now that they aren't eating carby comfort food all the time. i said "i'm glad you feel better." they took this as a sign that i "knew" i'd "feel better" again and started up saying i could still join in. i finally fucking snapped and said "you guys suck. i'm a recovering anorexic. i get one whiff of competition and start starving myself for days and start puking up what i do eat until i'd have to get my third oral surgery to remove rotting teeth. does that sound worth it to you?" chorus of "wow" and "we were just joking." i said "no, you weren't *just joking*. congratulations, by the way. after you all wouldn't stop, i weighed myself for the first time in seven years and didn't eat for two days. does that make you all *feel good*?" none of them would look me in the eye, so i just went home for the day. i got a call from the women in hr, who were shockingly supportive of me. one of the bodybuilder guys stepped up and said he's witnessed a lot of the harassment and he doesn't blame me for my outburst. a few others did too. however, they had to cancel the diet bet (i didn't ask them to) and people are blaming me. saying that i can't take a joke, it wasn't "that deep" and the girls present said they no longer feel "safe" working with me because i obviously have mental issues. one of them made a big stink about "politically correct bullshit" and how i'm the typical hypersensitive milennial. i go back and forth on this all day, thinking i should have just swallowed my anger and gone back to hr or just stopped eating lunch in the office or whatever. i didn't mean to ruin anyone's fun but i also feel justified in pushing back on their harassment. aita? [/INST] nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! nta! they took this public, not you. your hr team handled this appropriately. i’m glad some of your coworkers are supporting you as well. </s>
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AITA for telling a social worker the real reason my sister wants a foster kid?
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so this is a throw away account. while my sister doesn't use reddit, we have mutual friends who do.
i'm a 28f and i have a sister (36f) for the sake of story, i'll just call jane. jane is married to "bob" and they have two kids, boy and a girl. my niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all. they fight as siblings do but nothing big. i love them. now for about two years, i did live with my sister. it was a miserable time that really effected our relationship. she saw me as free labor, money and babysitting. even when i managed to get a small part time job, she demanded i hand over nearly half my pay or get out. it was hell as she took completely advantage of me. i moved out as soon as i could and we have little contact outside of family gatherings.
now after i moved out, she started complaining how "she has no help with the kids and never gets a break!" i babysit sometimes but i have made it clear, just cause i am off work, doesn't mean i want an 8 hour day with my niece and nephew.
anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid. not a kid but a teenager. i pressed her for more info on this. she wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live in babysitter for her kids. this is her logic: "i want a kid around 16 or 17, you know someone who may have been in the system for awhile. they can share a room with your nephew (she only has a three 3 bedroom house) or sleep in the garage. they can help me with house work, chores, cook and help me with my business.(she bakes and sells cookies) also babysit the kids so me and bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time. they'll be so grateful for a home and won't complain. i won't have to pay them at all. and then when they turn 18, i can just sign up for another foster kid! a teenager will be so much easier than a little kid, they will be grateful just to have a roof, food, siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes."
i was horrified! told her it was a horrible idea! she didn't listen to me. she went on with it anyway. about a month ago, a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister. she had put me down as a character witness or something like that. i immediately told the social worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when i lived with her. the lady thanked me.
my sister called crying saying that she wouldn't be considered for any adoptions or fosters. the social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren't a good fit. she asked if i said anything and i told the truth. she went off on me, hung up and we haven't spoken since. she has sent some angry texts. a couple family members are on her side. they think foster kids are fucking dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would gladly do all the housework.
so aita here?
| 42,225 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hsdpho/aita_for_telling_a_social_worker_the_real_reason/
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2020-07-16 17:14:01
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nta. you told the truth and saved a teenager from a terrible life of being used and dumped for another, which is no way to treat anyone. it is a foster child, not a slave.
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nta. wtf is wrong with your sister wtf..??
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nta. kids aren't slaves and shouldn't be treated as such. i'm glad you got out of living with your sister, because she sounds difficult to live with, and you absolutely did the right thing to prevent a child from being treated like you did!
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nta. what you did was the only ethical option. not only is this treating another human being like a literal house slave(and a disposable one at that), but older fosters tend to have been through a horrifying amount of abuse that means they often need a lot of help themselves. honestly, the plan to have him live in the same room as the younger children is generally not allowed for that exact reason--its incredibly common for sexually abused children to repeat the behavior to other children because they don't know better and its been normalized(and i'm guessing the garage plan wasn't even mentioned to the social worker because that is right out). older foster children are generally harder to place exactly because they generally need so much work, but all your sister sees is free labor. unless she somehow lucks out with actual cinderella, her flippant plan is not only cruel but exposing her own children to potential physical and sexual abuse, drugs, whatever horrible things the foster child had to do to survive.
also, i'd extremely not trust any family member that is on her side. you shouldn't be celebrated by adopting a child for your own gain--this is a just a genteel version of victorian men scooping up orphans and forcing them to work as chimney sweeps and coal miners then discarding them when they get too big to do the work.
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nta . your sister is insane.
what happens if she learns about au pairs :/
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nta!!!!! too many foster kids end up in homes like that and its digusting! people should only take in a kid of they're willing to treat them like their own kid and provide a loving and fun home. you absloutly did the right thing, saving a kid from being subjected to being a maid and nanny.
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holy shit, nta.
my husband and i have talked about adopting teenagers. the first thing we talked about was that we weren’t asking them to babysit. it’s not their job, and foster kids have gone through so much. making them a live in, unpaid nanny is just disgusting and your sister should be ashamed of herself.
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nta i’m so tired of people using the foster care system for their own narcissistic needs, usually it’s money in this case it’s labor. just as bad as people who have more children just so they can take care of their siblings etc. you absolutely did the right thing in making sure no foster kid ever goes into that abusing household.
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nta
i'm just going to say it, you sister is a very bad person.
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nta your sister sounds horrible a foster child doesn't want need a roof over there head they need a family to love then not to be treated as a slave. you did the right thing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this is a throw away account. while my sister doesn't use reddit, we have mutual friends who do. i'm a 28f and i have a sister (36f) for the sake of story, i'll just call jane. jane is married to "bob" and they have two kids, boy and a girl. my niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all. they fight as siblings do but nothing big. i love them. now for about two years, i did live with my sister. it was a miserable time that really effected our relationship. she saw me as free labor, money and babysitting. even when i managed to get a small part time job, she demanded i hand over nearly half my pay or get out. it was hell as she took completely advantage of me. i moved out as soon as i could and we have little contact outside of family gatherings. now after i moved out, she started complaining how "she has no help with the kids and never gets a break!" i babysit sometimes but i have made it clear, just cause i am off work, doesn't mean i want an 8 hour day with my niece and nephew. anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid. not a kid but a teenager. i pressed her for more info on this. she wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live in babysitter for her kids. this is her logic: "i want a kid around 16 or 17, you know someone who may have been in the system for awhile. they can share a room with your nephew (she only has a three 3 bedroom house) or sleep in the garage. they can help me with house work, chores, cook and help me with my business.(she bakes and sells cookies) also babysit the kids so me and bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time. they'll be so grateful for a home and won't complain. i won't have to pay them at all. and then when they turn 18, i can just sign up for another foster kid! a teenager will be so much easier than a little kid, they will be grateful just to have a roof, food, siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes." i was horrified! told her it was a horrible idea! she didn't listen to me. she went on with it anyway. about a month ago, a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister. she had put me down as a character witness or something like that. i immediately told the social worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when i lived with her. the lady thanked me. my sister called crying saying that she wouldn't be considered for any adoptions or fosters. the social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren't a good fit. she asked if i said anything and i told the truth. she went off on me, hung up and we haven't spoken since. she has sent some angry texts. a couple family members are on her side. they think foster kids are fucking dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would gladly do all the housework. so aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so this is a throw away account. while my sister doesn't use reddit, we have mutual friends who do. i'm a 28f and i have a sister (36f) for the sake of story, i'll just call jane. jane is married to "bob" and they have two kids, boy and a girl. my niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all. they fight as siblings do but nothing big. i love them. now for about two years, i did live with my sister. it was a miserable time that really effected our relationship. she saw me as free labor, money and babysitting. even when i managed to get a small part time job, she demanded i hand over nearly half my pay or get out. it was hell as she took completely advantage of me. i moved out as soon as i could and we have little contact outside of family gatherings. now after i moved out, she started complaining how "she has no help with the kids and never gets a break!" i babysit sometimes but i have made it clear, just cause i am off work, doesn't mean i want an 8 hour day with my niece and nephew. anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid. not a kid but a teenager. i pressed her for more info on this. she wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live in babysitter for her kids. this is her logic: "i want a kid around 16 or 17, you know someone who may have been in the system for awhile. they can share a room with your nephew (she only has a three 3 bedroom house) or sleep in the garage. they can help me with house work, chores, cook and help me with my business.(she bakes and sells cookies) also babysit the kids so me and bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time. they'll be so grateful for a home and won't complain. i won't have to pay them at all. and then when they turn 18, i can just sign up for another foster kid! a teenager will be so much easier than a little kid, they will be grateful just to have a roof, food, siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes." i was horrified! told her it was a horrible idea! she didn't listen to me. she went on with it anyway. about a month ago, a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister. she had put me down as a character witness or something like that. i immediately told the social worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when i lived with her. the lady thanked me. my sister called crying saying that she wouldn't be considered for any adoptions or fosters. the social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren't a good fit. she asked if i said anything and i told the truth. she went off on me, hung up and we haven't spoken since. she has sent some angry texts. a couple family members are on her side. they think foster kids are fucking dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would gladly do all the housework. so aita here? [/INST] nta. you told the truth and saved a teenager from a terrible life of being used and dumped for another, which is no way to treat anyone. it is a foster child, not a slave. </s>
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AITA for deleting my friend's wedding photos in front of them?
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i'm not really a photographer, i'm a dog groomer. i take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my facebook and instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. a cut and a photo with every appointment. i very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if i have a nice set up.
a friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if i'd shoot it for them. i told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and i agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event.
on the day of, i'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. i shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception i'm shooting speeches and people mingling.
i started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. around 5pm, food is being served and i was told i cannot stop to eat because i need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. i'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. it's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110f and there's no ac.
i told the groom i need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. there's no open bar or anything, i can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. he tells me i need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. with the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, i asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so i deleted all the photos i took in front of him and took off saying i'm not his photographer anymore. if i was to be paid $250, honestly at that point i would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min.
was i the asshole? they went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses.
| 40,738 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/po2kd8/aita_for_deleting_my_friends_wedding_photos_in/
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2021-09-14 13:15:53
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nta at all. you could have risked your health and they treated you like shit.
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they wanted mates rates but didn’t even save you food?
nta. the dogs are much better people than these ‘friends’
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nta. he told you to leave without pay and you called his bluff.
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nta.
they took you off the guest list for this without mentioning it to you in advance.
you went in with the expectation of $250 to take high quality pictures... while also being a guest at their event (including a place to sit, eat & drink)
and realistically, you did nothing but follow the grooms suggestion. either continue being a photographer or forfeit your $250.
what did the groom think that entailed? he would get all that work for free?
play stupid games win stupid prizes.
i would seriously reconsider this friendship.
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nta. who refuses to allow someone water or food?
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should have kept the photos and sold them for $1,000.
the $750 extra is the butthead customer surcharge.
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nta. that sounds horrible. i understand making rash decisions like this and then regretting them. but imo that was not an asshole move. nobody who gives ultimatums can then fault people for choosing one of the two options presented. like what kind of logic is that? groom: op you either choose 1. or 2. op: i choose 2. groom: shocked pikachu.
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nta. how do people like this even exist?? didn't know becoming a photographer meant you didn't need food or water.
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nta...giving a hungry person an ultimatum is a huge mistake. i hope they enjoy their memories, because the photographs aren't on the way.
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nta
you're my idol!!! lol. slave labor ended years ago were they trying to revive it?
you should make a post explaining the situation before they get back and blame it all on you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm not really a photographer, i'm a dog groomer. i take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my facebook and instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. a cut and a photo with every appointment. i very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if i have a nice set up. a friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if i'd shoot it for them. i told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and i agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event. on the day of, i'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. i shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception i'm shooting speeches and people mingling. i started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. around 5pm, food is being served and i was told i cannot stop to eat because i need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. i'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. it's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110f and there's no ac. i told the groom i need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. there's no open bar or anything, i can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. he tells me i need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. with the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, i asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so i deleted all the photos i took in front of him and took off saying i'm not his photographer anymore. if i was to be paid $250, honestly at that point i would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min. was i the asshole? they went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm not really a photographer, i'm a dog groomer. i take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my facebook and instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. a cut and a photo with every appointment. i very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if i have a nice set up. a friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if i'd shoot it for them. i told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and i agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event. on the day of, i'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. i shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception i'm shooting speeches and people mingling. i started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. around 5pm, food is being served and i was told i cannot stop to eat because i need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. i'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. it's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110f and there's no ac. i told the groom i need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. there's no open bar or anything, i can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. he tells me i need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. with the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, i asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so i deleted all the photos i took in front of him and took off saying i'm not his photographer anymore. if i was to be paid $250, honestly at that point i would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min. was i the asshole? they went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses. [/INST] nta at all. you could have risked your health and they treated you like shit. </s>
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AITA for making a scene of my adult son and sticking my nose in his marriage
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i’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so i’m hoping i won’t be judged on my grammar
here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . he convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which i today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and
after 5pm was split 50/50, sunday was my day off and i was brought out twice a week.
on to the story- on my last visit i noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so i,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend.
i was preparing on thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. i pressed her a little and i’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” i was honestly disgusted. i convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa i even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. when she dropped me off the kids i begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. she left for the spa while i left for the bar (she knew i was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids)
here’s were i might be the asshole i when to the bar were he and his friends were, i sat down next to the group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short i humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar
my dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage
maybe i should have stayed out i don’t know
edit i just wanted to say i’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked i’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour i just want to say as a mother my advice is
treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want your children to treated. respect goes along way
| 40,152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p0p2ui/aita_for_making_a_scene_of_my_adult_son_and/
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2021-08-08 23:03:34
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nta. it sounds like your misogynistic son needed some humiliation and to have someone stick their nose into his marriage. it's not like you are a stranger - you are his mother. also, this is not a minor thing, this is your son treating his wife like a servant, not a spouse.
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nta
your son sounds like an asshole. he convinced her to become a stay at home mom so he could avoid being a dad?
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nta.
good on you for sticking up for your dil. your son needs a serious reality check. 3 babies and all the chores?? he’s nuts!!
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no you're nta, but you're spot on in your assessment of your narcissistic, chauvinistic son. let him have his tantrum. he's treated his wife badly, and he has no remorse. someone needed to stand up for your dil and grandkids. kudos to you.
your poor dil. thank goodness she has you.
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nta. your son had the audacity to cancel a spa trip you paid for so he could go get drunk with his friends. how dare he.
any good mum tells their kids off when disrespecting their partner, especially when they are a lazy do-nothing. you dil is doing everything for that family, and she definitely didn't deserve the humiliation of her husband dictating she can't go out because he wants to.
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normally, i think a mil interfering with a marriage is a ah move. however, this is a different dynamic. you were standing up for your dil. now, you may be the ah for whatever got you banned from the bar but not for standing up for your dil
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i mean, i guess we need to know exactly what was said but i’m pretty sure nta.
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nta! i don’t know if this is real or not but i absolutely love it. son definitely deserved to be embarrassed and called out for treating his wife so poorly. he probably picked this behavior up from his friends. good for you for standing up for your dil. also i love your arrangement with your husband about date nights and split responsibilities, i might have to borrow this for myself
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nta and, as a former dil, i want to say thank you for this. my mil was horrible (her son was an alcoholic and abused me emotionally, sexually and physically, and when i called her begging for help, she told me that as his wife he was my responsibility). there are so many stories out there of toxic mil sometimes i imagine there aren’t any good ones out there. but rn, you’re a good one.
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nta - you've mentioned that she's moving in with her parents for a while to think about this, so do check in on her and continue to be supportive.
let her know that you are here for her and that you will be supportive of whatever decision she makes.
you did the right thing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so i’m hoping i won’t be judged on my grammar here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . he convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which i today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and after 5pm was split 50/50, sunday was my day off and i was brought out twice a week. on to the story- on my last visit i noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so i,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend. i was preparing on thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. i pressed her a little and i’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” i was honestly disgusted. i convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa i even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. when she dropped me off the kids i begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. she left for the spa while i left for the bar (she knew i was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids) here’s were i might be the asshole i when to the bar were he and his friends were, i sat down next to the group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short i humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar my dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage maybe i should have stayed out i don’t know edit i just wanted to say i’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked i’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour i just want to say as a mother my advice is treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want your children to treated. respect goes along way
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so i’m hoping i won’t be judged on my grammar here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . he convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which i today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and after 5pm was split 50/50, sunday was my day off and i was brought out twice a week. on to the story- on my last visit i noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so i,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend. i was preparing on thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. i pressed her a little and i’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” i was honestly disgusted. i convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa i even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. when she dropped me off the kids i begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. she left for the spa while i left for the bar (she knew i was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids) here’s were i might be the asshole i when to the bar were he and his friends were, i sat down next to the group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short i humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar my dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage maybe i should have stayed out i don’t know edit i just wanted to say i’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked i’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour i just want to say as a mother my advice is treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want your children to treated. respect goes along way [/INST] nta. it sounds like your misogynistic son needed some humiliation and to have someone stick their nose into his marriage. it's not like you are a stranger - you are his mother. also, this is not a minor thing, this is your son treating his wife like a servant, not a spouse. </s>
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AITA for saying my babysitting rates are $35 an hour?
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i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle.
my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time.
anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's.
i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything
then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit.
i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult.
so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work.
and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc.
i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit.
her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being.
i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else.
my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too.
aita for giving that number?
| 39,874 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eizcvf/aita_for_saying_my_babysitting_rates_are_35_an/
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2020-01-02 15:09:34
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nta. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job.
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nta. if they really wanted to go away for three days they should have arranged a sitter in advance. the husband saying you're a 24 year old girl (btw, you're a woman at 24...) and your time isn't worth anything is ridiculous considering you'd get paid $60 an hour if you don't babysit their kids. the husband sounds like a sexist dick.
plus you told them you wouldn't babysit if they couldn't approach your rate. you probably should have just said no from the start but you did inform them that it would be expensive. don't worry about it too much.
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nta
>and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc.
i would have bowed out immediately and told her to have fun dealing with no options.
>her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being.
yes, what a stupid girl you are for knowing what your time is worth 🙄
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$35 an hour for watching the 3 kids? where were you when my three kids needed babysitting? my wife and i hardly went out and never for very long because we were being charged $20 per hour per kid.
nta, op. it's your time and you charge what you think your time is worth. it's up to the customer to decide if they agree or if they think they can get the same service for less somewhere else.
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nta.
a. if they need a babysitter that badly they should've arranged for one in advance.
b. you're being asked to baby sit three kids. three kids is a lot of work, $15 sounds kinda absurd to me.
c. you have your own life and an actual job that you would be neglecting (or free lance at least) that is worth almost double that amount.
d. the only offensive ones are your cousin and husband who started calling you names when you didn't bend to their will.
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nta
you're a "stupid little girl" who pulls $60/hour freelancing. i just started salesforce training and i'd be happy to make half that freelancing. good for you!
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nta. she offered to pay you, you named your price, she didn’t like it. maybe she expected a discount. i would have gone with nah except you actually named a price that isn’t outside the norm compared to the going rates in my area. the general rule used to be $15 an hour for one kid, $20 an hour for 2 kids, but she has three young ones. when i had 3 younger kids i was quoted $30 an hour.
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nta
if your mom and husband are so bothered by it, why arent they babysitting?
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nta, because asking someone who is also on vacation to watch your kids for 3 days is kind of shitty. an evening, sure, but 3 whole days is crazy.
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nta
your time, your rates
to anyone saying "it's not fair to charge that much" - the price is the price, nobody owes you cheap child care (especially during the holidays at the last minute for several days) - honestly $60 seems reasonable to me, $20 per brat per hour.
don't like it? find someone else or maybe spend your holidays with your own damn kids instead of foisting them off on others.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle. my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time. anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's. i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit. her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else. my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. aita for giving that number?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle. my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time. anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's. i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit. her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else. my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. aita for giving that number? [/INST] nta. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job. </s>
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AITA for making fun of a white girl for being poor because she was being racist?
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i’m asian, more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days.
so the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. i reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some bs like that. then i got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that i suspect were from her, and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn’t reacting.
my school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. on the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while i’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?”
other people around me fucking laughed, and i’m sure i don’t have to explain this, but i felt fucking humiliated. it finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and i already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me.
i don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously i try to avoid her, but i did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. i’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once, so i said, “i’d be less concerned with what i’m eating if i were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.”
other students nearby told me i went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” like it was my fault i was asian?!?! she literally fucking cried, like i didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. she’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since i plan on transferring anyways.
| 39,630 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/icmq68/aita_for_making_fun_of_a_white_girl_for_being/
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2020-08-19 12:31:22
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nta, backing down to bullies never works, you have to hit back or they never stop.
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nta in my opinion. i was made fun of for being gay as a kid, and developed a sharp tongue by way of defense. i would often get in trouble for making kids cry, even though i was defending just myself. just be careful how you hurt people and recognize that you have power and yield it with responsibility.
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your last sentence answered your own question.
1. it apparently worked, so who cares.
2. burning bridges on your way out can be fun.
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nta
girl “ you’re a *slur* do you eat bats?”
*roar of laughter*
you “you’re poor”
“omg she can’t control that” “meany”
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nta it seems like you put up with a lot, i’m sorry. while you clearly know it’s not good to stoop to a bullies level, this girl had it coming after all the nasty shit she said. people can only tolerate so much abuse before lashing out, maybe she’ll learn that.
at least she’s left you alone and you’re switching schools.
also your school is ta for not taking her behaviour more seriously.
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technically it‘d be everybody sucks because you know “she started it“ doesn’t make anyone look good but i can’t say i blame you for reacting this way. you tried solving it the right way, it didn’t work, so even though you were *an* ah too, you‘re still nta in this moment.
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nta serves that bully right. she shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it. i agree that you shouldn’t make fun someone for something they can’t change, but some people can’t see how painful it is until they experience it themselves.
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nta
yeah two wrongs dont make a right but this was the only way to get her to stfu.
don’t dish stuff out if you can’t take stuff back
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if racist you be, get no sympathy from me
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nta. i see the esh comments and i don't think you were being racist, because:
1. you specifically pointed out her condition. you were mean, yes, but that was a response to the racism you were experiencing.
2. poor white people may not understand the concept of privilege but they are, ultimately, white. a poor white person often refuses to acknowledge the struggles of a person of color while crying hoarse about how they've been struggling all their life (that's not to say their struggles are not important but acknowledgement of the other is absent). in general, they don't seem to show ally-ship and have shown little or no empathy. some sets of stereotypes get more shit than others, that is a social-scientific fact (which is why intersectionality in social issues is important).
your school is the biggest ah for dropping the complaint. is there a higher authority you can go to?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m asian, more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days. so the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. i reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some bs like that. then i got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that i suspect were from her, and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn’t reacting. my school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. on the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while i’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?” other people around me fucking laughed, and i’m sure i don’t have to explain this, but i felt fucking humiliated. it finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and i already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me. i don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously i try to avoid her, but i did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. i’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once, so i said, “i’d be less concerned with what i’m eating if i were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.” other students nearby told me i went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” like it was my fault i was asian?!?! she literally fucking cried, like i didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. she’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since i plan on transferring anyways.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m asian, more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days. so the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. i reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some bs like that. then i got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that i suspect were from her, and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn’t reacting. my school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. on the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while i’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?” other people around me fucking laughed, and i’m sure i don’t have to explain this, but i felt fucking humiliated. it finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and i already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me. i don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously i try to avoid her, but i did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. i’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once, so i said, “i’d be less concerned with what i’m eating if i were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.” other students nearby told me i went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” like it was my fault i was asian?!?! she literally fucking cried, like i didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. she’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since i plan on transferring anyways. [/INST] nta, backing down to bullies never works, you have to hit back or they never stop. </s>
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AITA for taking back the beer I bought for a party from which I was uninvited?
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this happened just a few hours ago. i am a 19 year old man and the people calling me an asshole are 18 year old men and women.
on thursday, a person i had a major crush on in high school (but who rejected me) messaged me out of the blue. she had never contacted me without my contacting her first, and at one point i realized she had had me blocked on social media, and so i found it odd that she was suddenly being friendly. after sending a couple of greetings/questions about how i've been, she said that she was going to have some people over and wanted to know if i would get the beer. the drinking age where we are is 19, and she and the people who were going to chill were all 18. the liquor stores in my area all card.
i thought it was silly that my being a month older meant i could buy liquor and they couldn't, and so i said i would love to go. she said "thanks, i'll pick you up at seven!"
7 o'clock rolled around, and she texted me to say she was in front of my house. i went out dressed and ready to chill with some people, and she drove me to the liquor store. when we got there, i asked what beer she wanted me to get, and she told me to get budweiser. i hid my disappointment as well as i could, but it was her party so i went in and bought two cases of 24.
i got back in the car and said "let's party," and she was eerily quiet. i noticed that she wasn't driving towards her neighborhood, but rather back towards mine. i thought she had moved or something, but didn't want to press the issue. when she turned down my street i finally figured it out. she was being purposefully vague about the invitation because she wanted me to get the beer, but she wanted a way out when she told me i wasn't actually invited in the first place.
she stopped in front of my house, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and said "thanks!" in her best voice. i deadpanned her and asked when she was going to tell me i wasn't invited. she feigned surprise and said that she never intended to invite me in the first place. i sat in silence for a long awkward minute, picked up the beer, and walked towards my front door. she got out of her car and frantically tried to reinvite me to the party, but i told her that what she did was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. i opened my front door, slammed it a bit too hard, and came back to my room.
now i'm sitting here drinking absolutely unpalatable piss water, and i have text messages from all of her friends and her asking me why i'm being such a dick. i don't think i'm the asshole for reacting the way i did, but if you haven't figured it out i'm not amazing socially so i'm not sure. am i here?
| 39,376 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hd12gs/aita_for_taking_back_the_beer_i_bought_for_a/
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2020-06-21 05:00:14
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nta. blatantly.
how did she expect this to go?
you'd happily go buy her beer, then take it to the party, then leave, without partying or drinking your beer?
they have to all be a bit cracked in the head if they believe that was ever going to work.
i'd take a snapchat of me pouring that down a toilet before i ever gave it to them.
im so sorry this happened to you. i hope you can move past what a nasty piece of work this girl (not woman) is.
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nta; i would have loved to see her face when you took the beer with you. good for you.
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i originally commented asking for more information but decided it really didn’t matter. nta.
to be completely honest it kinda sounds like you weren’t actually invited, she just asked if you would get her beer for the night. that being said, it’s definitely an ah move for her to reach out to you after a long period of time, seemingly out of the blue just to ask you to break the law for her and to not even invite you to the party after??
from my understanding, you bought the beer with your own money so you’re absolutely not in the wrong for taking it with you once you realized you weren’t being invited to the party. you didn’t yell at her, call her names or do anything rude, just took your beer and left. i actually don’t think you could have handled this better than you did. if there was a stronger judgment than nta, i’d give it to you!
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nta. and then she has the audacity to call you the dick?
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fyi, if you have a decent skillet, you can cook some bratwurst in those beers, cook down the remaining liquid into a syrup, and add it to some mustard for a really tasty meal.
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wtf this can’t be real. i hope it’s not real. i’m really sorry if it’s real.
nta and high five to you for taking the beer. (sorry it’s budweiser though... maybe try to return the unopened case?)
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nta and this is actually a victory story. she should be ashamed.
call up some friends and play a drinking game, maybe call it a mexi beach party and throw together tacos and make some cheladas with that beer so it's more palatable (or any other beer cocktail)..
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totally in the right...and it might be hard to believe or even hear but trust me...you're way better off teaching that...person...a lesson. chug that shit beer in good health but drink a bunch of water to keep from getting those wicked bud hangovers.
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nta - good for you for standing up for yourself. enjoy the buds with some actual friends and never speak to this awful girl again.
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nta. this girl sucks.
on another note, anyone actually enjoy budweiser?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened just a few hours ago. i am a 19 year old man and the people calling me an asshole are 18 year old men and women. on thursday, a person i had a major crush on in high school (but who rejected me) messaged me out of the blue. she had never contacted me without my contacting her first, and at one point i realized she had had me blocked on social media, and so i found it odd that she was suddenly being friendly. after sending a couple of greetings/questions about how i've been, she said that she was going to have some people over and wanted to know if i would get the beer. the drinking age where we are is 19, and she and the people who were going to chill were all 18. the liquor stores in my area all card. i thought it was silly that my being a month older meant i could buy liquor and they couldn't, and so i said i would love to go. she said "thanks, i'll pick you up at seven!" 7 o'clock rolled around, and she texted me to say she was in front of my house. i went out dressed and ready to chill with some people, and she drove me to the liquor store. when we got there, i asked what beer she wanted me to get, and she told me to get budweiser. i hid my disappointment as well as i could, but it was her party so i went in and bought two cases of 24. i got back in the car and said "let's party," and she was eerily quiet. i noticed that she wasn't driving towards her neighborhood, but rather back towards mine. i thought she had moved or something, but didn't want to press the issue. when she turned down my street i finally figured it out. she was being purposefully vague about the invitation because she wanted me to get the beer, but she wanted a way out when she told me i wasn't actually invited in the first place. she stopped in front of my house, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and said "thanks!" in her best voice. i deadpanned her and asked when she was going to tell me i wasn't invited. she feigned surprise and said that she never intended to invite me in the first place. i sat in silence for a long awkward minute, picked up the beer, and walked towards my front door. she got out of her car and frantically tried to reinvite me to the party, but i told her that what she did was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. i opened my front door, slammed it a bit too hard, and came back to my room. now i'm sitting here drinking absolutely unpalatable piss water, and i have text messages from all of her friends and her asking me why i'm being such a dick. i don't think i'm the asshole for reacting the way i did, but if you haven't figured it out i'm not amazing socially so i'm not sure. am i here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened just a few hours ago. i am a 19 year old man and the people calling me an asshole are 18 year old men and women. on thursday, a person i had a major crush on in high school (but who rejected me) messaged me out of the blue. she had never contacted me without my contacting her first, and at one point i realized she had had me blocked on social media, and so i found it odd that she was suddenly being friendly. after sending a couple of greetings/questions about how i've been, she said that she was going to have some people over and wanted to know if i would get the beer. the drinking age where we are is 19, and she and the people who were going to chill were all 18. the liquor stores in my area all card. i thought it was silly that my being a month older meant i could buy liquor and they couldn't, and so i said i would love to go. she said "thanks, i'll pick you up at seven!" 7 o'clock rolled around, and she texted me to say she was in front of my house. i went out dressed and ready to chill with some people, and she drove me to the liquor store. when we got there, i asked what beer she wanted me to get, and she told me to get budweiser. i hid my disappointment as well as i could, but it was her party so i went in and bought two cases of 24. i got back in the car and said "let's party," and she was eerily quiet. i noticed that she wasn't driving towards her neighborhood, but rather back towards mine. i thought she had moved or something, but didn't want to press the issue. when she turned down my street i finally figured it out. she was being purposefully vague about the invitation because she wanted me to get the beer, but she wanted a way out when she told me i wasn't actually invited in the first place. she stopped in front of my house, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and said "thanks!" in her best voice. i deadpanned her and asked when she was going to tell me i wasn't invited. she feigned surprise and said that she never intended to invite me in the first place. i sat in silence for a long awkward minute, picked up the beer, and walked towards my front door. she got out of her car and frantically tried to reinvite me to the party, but i told her that what she did was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. i opened my front door, slammed it a bit too hard, and came back to my room. now i'm sitting here drinking absolutely unpalatable piss water, and i have text messages from all of her friends and her asking me why i'm being such a dick. i don't think i'm the asshole for reacting the way i did, but if you haven't figured it out i'm not amazing socially so i'm not sure. am i here? [/INST] nta. blatantly. how did she expect this to go? you'd happily go buy her beer, then take it to the party, then leave, without partying or drinking your beer? they have to all be a bit cracked in the head if they believe that was ever going to work. i'd take a snapchat of me pouring that down a toilet before i ever gave it to them. im so sorry this happened to you. i hope you can move past what a nasty piece of work this girl (not woman) is. </s>
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AITA for getting mad my artist hid their initials in my tattoo?
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this is a short one. names changed for privacy.
i went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo i wanted. it was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. but the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked exactly as it did in the photo.
i get to the shop, i explain everything, i pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, i think it looks awesome, everything is great! until a few weeks later when i show my great grandmother the tattoo. she’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “who’s aj?”
i ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials a and j or maybe t were hidden into the tattoo. i’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is alice trever. she tries to assure me it’s no big deal if i hadn’t noticed it til now, but i still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. they told me the style of art i got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. i demanded a partial refund and they refused, so i complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund.
now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. my sister says i’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but i feel like, at the end of the day, i told you exactly what i wanted and you didn’t do that. aita?
| 39,235 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tpp4gc/aita_for_getting_mad_my_artist_hid_their_initials/
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2022-03-27 17:49:44
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nta and i would even consider suing. they kind of branded you with their initials...
and they should get fired ...
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nta. this person straight up branded you! not only that, this isn't even the artist's design, it's a copied design!
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nta
tattoo artists don't get to sign their work because their canvas is a human being. this is known. this is conventionally understood.
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nta
i remember there was an ink master episode where someone had a piece with a clock face and the artist put their time of birth on it as some kind of "signature". the judges ripped him up for it. same basic principle. tattoo artists shouldn't be signing a tat in anyway without first discussing it with the client. your artist definitely shouldn't have done this since it was a particularly meaningful design for you.
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nta i’ve been tattooing for almost 20 years and this is something you never do! wtf!!
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not only did the artist permanently brand you without your permission. but it wasn’t even original artwork. this artist has to be so full of herself, she must be bursting at the seems.
nta
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[removed]
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nta
i'm a tattooed guy and this thing is incredibly gross, she ruined a meaningful piece of art and she branded your own body without giving you a heads up... and now she's trying to play victim over it?
are these details discussed in this "smear campaign" of hers? if i were you (and with the store owner's blessing), i'd intervene and explain to everyone exactly what she did, because that shit will get her trashed pretty bad in the tattoo community
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nta. the artist put something on your body they didn't have permission to. you didn't consent to their initials, and it's really weird to mark another person with your name without them knowing. i hope word gets around because what this artist did was definitely not okay.
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so much nta.
my mother's last position before she retired was as a same-day surgery scrub nurse at a teaching hospital. she told me warning stories about how there's always a percentage of surgical residents who are...well like this one guy she gave as an example: he would carve his initials into the skulls of brain surgery patients any time he got the chance.
when it comes to your body, anyone doing anything to it not medically warranted or specifically requested by you as part of a service, should not be in a profession where they put hands on people.
your tattoo artist should not be a tattoo artist.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a short one. names changed for privacy. i went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo i wanted. it was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. but the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked exactly as it did in the photo. i get to the shop, i explain everything, i pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, i think it looks awesome, everything is great! until a few weeks later when i show my great grandmother the tattoo. she’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “who’s aj?” i ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials a and j or maybe t were hidden into the tattoo. i’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is alice trever. she tries to assure me it’s no big deal if i hadn’t noticed it til now, but i still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. they told me the style of art i got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. i demanded a partial refund and they refused, so i complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund. now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. my sister says i’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but i feel like, at the end of the day, i told you exactly what i wanted and you didn’t do that. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is a short one. names changed for privacy. i went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo i wanted. it was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather who’s father also had it. but the point is - it was important to me that the tattoo looked exactly as it did in the photo. i get to the shop, i explain everything, i pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, i think it looks awesome, everything is great! until a few weeks later when i show my great grandmother the tattoo. she’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, “who’s aj?” i ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials a and j or maybe t were hidden into the tattoo. i’m instantly pissed, as my artists name is alice trever. she tries to assure me it’s no big deal if i hadn’t noticed it til now, but i still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. they told me the style of art i got is called traditional and it’s “pretty trad” for all artists who do that style to do it. i demanded a partial refund and they refused, so i complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund. now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. my sister says i’m an asshole for pushing the issue, but i feel like, at the end of the day, i told you exactly what i wanted and you didn’t do that. aita? [/INST] nta and i would even consider suing. they kind of branded you with their initials... and they should get fired ... </s>
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AITA for "making fun" of a woman for being in her 40s and single?
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this whole saga started because my husband took my last name. a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear.
he and i are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. it is very helpful to us, so we can't leave the chat. since he changed his name, my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring.
yesterday brenda, his coworker and i got into a bit of a spat. i messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car. one of his other coworkers agreed, and i thought that was that.
brenda messages the group saying "maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts" i took this as a bad joke initially. my husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. i do wash them, but there's only so much to be done.
me: i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol
brenda: you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband
me: well i work more hours and pay the bills, so i think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it's so important
brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced.
me: i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single
now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i "mocked her for being single in her 40s". i don't care if someone is single in their 40s, but i think it's absolute bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out she has no frame of reference.
aita reddit?
| 39,167 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/icvnba/aita_for_making_fun_of_a_woman_for_being_in_her/
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2020-08-19 20:25:19
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nta. i don’t even think i need to explain why. she brought this on herself.
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nta. what the heck, brenda? mind your own single business.
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obvious nta, brenda was the aggressor (and super condescending, and pretty sexist imo ) and you hit her back with a zinger. now salty brenda wants to play the victim.
ps am i the only one who thinks it's odd that you had to ask the husbands work group for a ride home for him and him not just asking himself?
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nta. at all. she came out of left field and started insulting you for no reason. on top of that, she interjected herself into your marriage. your retort was logical - what business does she have giving ppl unsolicited marriage advice when she's not in a successful marriage herself?
for the future, dont engage. simply say something like "your remarks are inappropriate. i will not lower myself and respond to such comments. do not speak to me unless you have something relevant to carpooling to say"
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nta. i don't agree that you were mocking her for being single in her 40s. she was giving unsolicited advise on a subject for which she is unqualified to speak on even if you were looking for advise. same as if you had tooth pain and your mechanic tried to tell you want to do about it. or if you were having problems in the bedroom and a priest tried to advise you. you'd point out your wish to forgo their advise for their lack of qualification and it wouldn't necessarily be mocking them.
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brenda is rude and sexist. you are nta, but i'm wondering about the group dynamic and how professional these people are with each other. nice come back from you haha!
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as a 55+ yr old, never married, female nta! her comments would have offense and inappropriate in the 1950’s. seems pretty much on course for 2020. pandemic, killer hornets, hurricane in iowa, mad tornado in florida, returning to the societal roles of the 1820’s; seems on course for the year. doesn’t mean we have to allow or accept it. nta!
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nta. i love how you responded. i can’t for the life of me understand how any of his coworkers are offended over this, much less to the point they are attacking you.
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nta - but be flattered, brenda clearly has a crush on your husband (also, his coworkers sound like they suck)
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nta that was the perfect response. she was super rude like i can’t believe you even put up with that. you need to go to her boss or hr cause she needs to learn to mind her own business.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this whole saga started because my husband took my last name. a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear. he and i are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. it is very helpful to us, so we can't leave the chat. since he changed his name, my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring. yesterday brenda, his coworker and i got into a bit of a spat. i messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car. one of his other coworkers agreed, and i thought that was that. brenda messages the group saying "maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts" i took this as a bad joke initially. my husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. i do wash them, but there's only so much to be done. me: i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol brenda: you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband me: well i work more hours and pay the bills, so i think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it's so important brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced. me: i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i "mocked her for being single in her 40s". i don't care if someone is single in their 40s, but i think it's absolute bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out she has no frame of reference. aita reddit?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this whole saga started because my husband took my last name. a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear. he and i are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. it is very helpful to us, so we can't leave the chat. since he changed his name, my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring. yesterday brenda, his coworker and i got into a bit of a spat. i messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car. one of his other coworkers agreed, and i thought that was that. brenda messages the group saying "maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts" i took this as a bad joke initially. my husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. i do wash them, but there's only so much to be done. me: i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol brenda: you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband me: well i work more hours and pay the bills, so i think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it's so important brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced. me: i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i "mocked her for being single in her 40s". i don't care if someone is single in their 40s, but i think it's absolute bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out she has no frame of reference. aita reddit? [/INST] nta. i don’t even think i need to explain why. she brought this on herself. </s>
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AITA for cancelling mother's day celebration that I arranged for my wife after hearing what she told my son?
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i (m/37) have a 13 y.o son. i was a widower when i met my now wife. she has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. the family is often on pretty good terms. my son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be.
as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. i paused and decided to keep listening. my son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. he promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. my stepdaughter threw some (i don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. both were staring without saying anything. i told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why. she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made. she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making tremendous mistake towards her.
i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. situation is full of tension. i'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. i mean yes i did say i was going to havw this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore.
| 39,102 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulcrp6/aita_for_cancelling_mothers_day_celebration_that/
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2022-05-08 22:22:26
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nta. guarantee they have done this before. circle the wagons, protect your son. such disgusting abuse from your wife upon your son. to make it even worse, she is raising her daughter to be cruel and exclusionary. your son deserves so much better.
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nta. oh my god. op, it’s highly unlikely this is the first time either of them has been nasty to him. you are all he has in this world. please hire a really good shark of a divorce lawyer and divorce this woman asap. you need to protect your son and yourself.
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nta
your poor son. please tell me you went to talk to him after this.
your wife wants your son left out. i'd be having a serious conversation about that. if she doesn't drop it, if she doesn't start treating your son as a part of the family, i hate to say this, but divorce her, because no woman is worth losing your child over. you're a dual package.
her excuse about him being an introvert was shite. no way in hell he'd ruin a dinner by being polite and keeping to himself. she just wanted him out of there.
please be there for your son. she poked a bad wound with her comments.
being reminded you don't have a mother to celebrate on this day is... terrible.
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nta.
i'm so proud of you for standing up for your son. my gosh, there are so many who wouldn't. kudos, good sir. you're restoring a little bit of faith in humanity for me.
your wife and step-daughter have done this to him before, i'm sure of it. i'll bet if you ask him enough times (because he won't want to rock the boat and he thinks it's all his fault right now) he'll finally open up and let you know what's really happened. (now, then, whenever, let him know this isn't his fault.)
because of that and her temper tantrums (are you f'n kidding me right now?!), she can go screw herself. get ready for the possibility of divorce. sorry, but keep it in the back of your mind just in case. i don't like bullies who keep their actions secret and that's what she and *her* daughter (not yours, never yours if she can do this to her "brother") are doing to your son.
that poor kid's been through enough. time to do right by him and you.
i hope things get better for you and him.
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cancel a party?! hell i would leave her for talking to my child that way. what is wrong with that woman?
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nta. but have you talked with your son? this can’t be the first time they’ve ganged up on him. i would be concerned that he’s being bullied by them when you’re not around
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nta.
she showed you who she was. let her stay gone.
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nta. your wife and step daughter on the other hand...
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nta - just think of all of the things she has said to your son over the years that you werent lucky enough to have overheard??!!
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nta. this is irreparable damage, in my opinion. i wouldn’t want that woman around my son anymore.
(i’m a bonus mom and if i spoke to my bonus son that way i would *expect* my husband to divorce me.)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m/37) have a 13 y.o son. i was a widower when i met my now wife. she has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. the family is often on pretty good terms. my son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be. as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. i paused and decided to keep listening. my son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. he promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. my stepdaughter threw some (i don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. both were staring without saying anything. i told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why. she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made. she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making tremendous mistake towards her. i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. situation is full of tension. i'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. i mean yes i did say i was going to havw this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m/37) have a 13 y.o son. i was a widower when i met my now wife. she has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. the family is often on pretty good terms. my son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be. as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. i paused and decided to keep listening. my son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. he promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. my stepdaughter threw some (i don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. both were staring without saying anything. i told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why. she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made. she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making tremendous mistake towards her. i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. situation is full of tension. i'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. i mean yes i did say i was going to havw this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore. [/INST] nta. guarantee they have done this before. circle the wagons, protect your son. such disgusting abuse from your wife upon your son. to make it even worse, she is raising her daughter to be cruel and exclusionary. your son deserves so much better. </s>
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AITA for telling cashier that wasn’t the girls credit card?
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throwaway because husband told me i was ta and want to know before i get home and argue. on phone format is bad.
i was in a higher end department store today (rhymes with loomingtales) and happened to end up next to two teenage aged girls while shopping. one of the girls had picked out a pair of very expensive boots and they were both fawning over them. second girl must have looked at price tag and asks boots girl if she’s really gonna spend that much on boots. girl with boots says something along the lines of “it’s fine i have my dads credit card i’m not paying ” which instantly caught my attention because thats not her card. i’ve told my son multiple times he’s never allowed to use my card so i’m interested to see how this girl thinks she’s going to get away with fraud but had split up from the girls at this point because they had found something else.
we end up at the same register (me behind) and i see her total hit well over four digits. the girl is about to swipe her card when i decide that i can’t let her get away with something like this and someone has to parent this kid if no one else will. i tell cashier that isn’t her card but her father’s and i’m not sure she has permission. girl and friend turn and glare at me giving me possibly the dirtiest look i’ve ever seen. i swear this girl was going to throw a tantrum right there, i don’t think she was ever told no.
girl tells cashier her father gave her the card to shop with because it’s the stores credit card and it gives him the points. now that i’ve pointed out it wasn’t hers cashier tells her she can’t use that card. girl tries to show id to prove they have the same last name ( yeah that will help) and i tell her it’s still fraud. girl says it’s not fraud because she has permission and tells me to mind my own business. i tell her that it is my business that she’s doing something illegal she needs to pay with her own card or i call the cops. girl is pissed now and people are glaring at me. she uses her own card and leaves crying. cashier looks mad at me and i tell my husband when i get home only for him to agree i was in the wrong.
so reddit, atia?
| 38,942 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cdypge/aita_for_telling_cashier_that_wasnt_the_girls/
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2019-07-16 15:41:11
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yta
did it ever occur to you that she was telling the truth and her dad had given her his credit card? mind your own business.
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yta. mind your own fucking business the girls dad probably makes money and she's spoiled and it absolutely isn't your job to parent her and embarrass her like that in a store. you also aren't a federal law enforcement officer investigating fraud, just buy your shit and go home.
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yta
do you usually make a habit of sticking your nose into other people's business?
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yta....you have no idea what agreement she has with her dad, and you had no reason to interject yourself.
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[removed]
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yta. start minding your own business more and other people's less.
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yta. i understand where you’re coming from, but it’s a mind your own business kind of situation. the father let her have the card, you don’t even know if she’s allowed to use it or not. if she isn’t allowed to, he can deal with the situation as it is his child. it’s not like she said she found the card on the street and is racking up charges everywhere. plus you’re making everyone’s lives harder by being an ass. calling the cops for a daughter using her fathers card? you need to chill out
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yta. what the fuck dude? plenty of parents hand over their store credit card for their kid to shop in that store. it wasn't even a damn visa or anything, a "loomingdales" card. i can't tell you how many times my parents did the same- i had permission to buy what i wanted or needed and to use their card. some people don't have the same price constraints as you and a pair of shoes over $1k isn't a big deal. and even then, it's her dad's card, he would have seen the statement and known exactly what she purchased that was that expensive. the fact that this teen was able to pull out "her own" credit card and put it on there instead of walking away from the purchase shows that this girl is living in a very different world than you.
&#x200b;
of course she walked away crying; you were mean, belittling, sticking your nose where it didn't belong, and causing a scene over a common occurrence. adult and teenage me would have given you a big middle finger and then swiped my mom's card (that i'm a goddamn authorized user on).
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yta. it really was none of your business. you made a scene, tried to discipline a child that was not yours over a scenario you knew nothing about, and wasted everyone’s time. just because you wouldn’t give your child permission to use your card doesn’t mean everyone else is the same. she used her own card in the end so her family obviously has the money. you may have meant well but you were absolutely in the wrong on this one.
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yta. when a rich kids says "my dad's credit card" that usually means its a card for them that their dad pays. mind your business.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because husband told me i was ta and want to know before i get home and argue. on phone format is bad. i was in a higher end department store today (rhymes with loomingtales) and happened to end up next to two teenage aged girls while shopping. one of the girls had picked out a pair of very expensive boots and they were both fawning over them. second girl must have looked at price tag and asks boots girl if she’s really gonna spend that much on boots. girl with boots says something along the lines of “it’s fine i have my dads credit card i’m not paying ” which instantly caught my attention because thats not her card. i’ve told my son multiple times he’s never allowed to use my card so i’m interested to see how this girl thinks she’s going to get away with fraud but had split up from the girls at this point because they had found something else. we end up at the same register (me behind) and i see her total hit well over four digits. the girl is about to swipe her card when i decide that i can’t let her get away with something like this and someone has to parent this kid if no one else will. i tell cashier that isn’t her card but her father’s and i’m not sure she has permission. girl and friend turn and glare at me giving me possibly the dirtiest look i’ve ever seen. i swear this girl was going to throw a tantrum right there, i don’t think she was ever told no. girl tells cashier her father gave her the card to shop with because it’s the stores credit card and it gives him the points. now that i’ve pointed out it wasn’t hers cashier tells her she can’t use that card. girl tries to show id to prove they have the same last name ( yeah that will help) and i tell her it’s still fraud. girl says it’s not fraud because she has permission and tells me to mind my own business. i tell her that it is my business that she’s doing something illegal she needs to pay with her own card or i call the cops. girl is pissed now and people are glaring at me. she uses her own card and leaves crying. cashier looks mad at me and i tell my husband when i get home only for him to agree i was in the wrong. so reddit, atia?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because husband told me i was ta and want to know before i get home and argue. on phone format is bad. i was in a higher end department store today (rhymes with loomingtales) and happened to end up next to two teenage aged girls while shopping. one of the girls had picked out a pair of very expensive boots and they were both fawning over them. second girl must have looked at price tag and asks boots girl if she’s really gonna spend that much on boots. girl with boots says something along the lines of “it’s fine i have my dads credit card i’m not paying ” which instantly caught my attention because thats not her card. i’ve told my son multiple times he’s never allowed to use my card so i’m interested to see how this girl thinks she’s going to get away with fraud but had split up from the girls at this point because they had found something else. we end up at the same register (me behind) and i see her total hit well over four digits. the girl is about to swipe her card when i decide that i can’t let her get away with something like this and someone has to parent this kid if no one else will. i tell cashier that isn’t her card but her father’s and i’m not sure she has permission. girl and friend turn and glare at me giving me possibly the dirtiest look i’ve ever seen. i swear this girl was going to throw a tantrum right there, i don’t think she was ever told no. girl tells cashier her father gave her the card to shop with because it’s the stores credit card and it gives him the points. now that i’ve pointed out it wasn’t hers cashier tells her she can’t use that card. girl tries to show id to prove they have the same last name ( yeah that will help) and i tell her it’s still fraud. girl says it’s not fraud because she has permission and tells me to mind my own business. i tell her that it is my business that she’s doing something illegal she needs to pay with her own card or i call the cops. girl is pissed now and people are glaring at me. she uses her own card and leaves crying. cashier looks mad at me and i tell my husband when i get home only for him to agree i was in the wrong. so reddit, atia? [/INST] yta did it ever occur to you that she was telling the truth and her dad had given her his credit card? mind your own business. </s>
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AITA for kicking my SiL out after she threw away most of my single use baby products and even formula?
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i'm 19f, i have a 3 week old baby girl. i do still live with my parents, but since i pay rent equally, they say i can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. i've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. i have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. they're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old.
basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. i'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. they are completely against the products i use and often give me things like sils breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their lo has grown out of, etc. i've used some but it's not really my cup of tea.
on monday night, my bother and sil were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. it was great and really relaxing.
when i got home that evening, my sil said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything i don't need". this immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. when i went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, i'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us.
i was extremely angry and i just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my sil. she and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when i confronted her. i told her she has to replace everything she dumped. when she said she can't afford to, i said fine, just get out and don't come back until i've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items.
my brother thinks i'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. aita?
| 38,925 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oxrztn/aita_for_kicking_my_sil_out_after_she_threw_away/
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2021-08-04 12:50:15
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nta. throwing away unused disposable diapers is even worse than using them and throwing them away. they are still going to the same place but have now doubled.
formula is expensive and you say you're supplementing... your baby is still getting breastmilk but needs a little more. that's why formula was created. your sil was waaaaay out of line. even if she doesn't agree with your parenting style, she has no right to sabotage it. it's the baby that will suffer. she needs to replace it all or give you the money to replace it.
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so she saved the environment by (checks notes) throwing away all of your supplies. makes sense. nta and your sil has a screw loose.
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nta sounds like theft to me. file a police report. she will replace.
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nta- that is easily over $300 worth of stuff! also, women like her need to stop shaming other mothers. breastfeeding is not the best option for everyone.
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nta. she can’t afford to replace the items, but fully expected you to do it? i would like to know the mental gymnastics she went through for that to make sense. i’m not sure she should be allowed back even after reimbursement.
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nta - if your bro doesn't understand ask him;
**"how would you have felt, while you live on a budget -- if i had been at your place and thrown out your stuff because i don't 'agree' with it? bottom line is different parenting styles aren't wrong - just that - different. if we both don't learn to respect each other's choices, this will be the first of many problems. is that how you want these cousins to grow up, with their parents fighting?**
if he becomes reasonable, or they truly apologize, then maybe lift the 'don't come back' and let them replace as able (with a deadline or it all comes back up)
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nta
yeah, i’d be mega pissed. that stuff is expensive. so instead of letting you use it.. she threw away good products? does she not see the irony?
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nta. babies are expensive. she trashed a lot of stuff that you can't get back that your baby needs.
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nta
they stole your items. and it was stupid as well of them as they just wasted all this stuff throwing it all into landfill instead of using it.
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nta. they have no right to throw away your possessions. it's honestly like they robbed you and i feel you could contact the police about this. baby items are extremely expensive and especially for a single mother.
yes they're parents but they're not your child's parents and have no say in the products you use. if they thought something could be legitimately harmful that's different but obviously not the case here.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 19f, i have a 3 week old baby girl. i do still live with my parents, but since i pay rent equally, they say i can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. i've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. i have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. they're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old. basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. i'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. they are completely against the products i use and often give me things like sils breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their lo has grown out of, etc. i've used some but it's not really my cup of tea. on monday night, my bother and sil were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. it was great and really relaxing. when i got home that evening, my sil said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything i don't need". this immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. when i went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, i'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us. i was extremely angry and i just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my sil. she and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when i confronted her. i told her she has to replace everything she dumped. when she said she can't afford to, i said fine, just get out and don't come back until i've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items. my brother thinks i'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm 19f, i have a 3 week old baby girl. i do still live with my parents, but since i pay rent equally, they say i can have just as much of a say in who comes and goes from the house as they do. i've never actually taken advantage of this rule until recently enough. i have a brother, who's 26 and his wife is 24. they're "crunchy parents" to a 8 month old. basically what that is is fucking stupid, they use reusable wipes/nappies, think formula is the epitome of evil, babywearing, the list just goes on. i'm the complete opposite, pacifiers, supplementing with formula due to low supply, disposable wipes and nappies. they are completely against the products i use and often give me things like sils breastmilk in bags, disposable nappies their lo has grown out of, etc. i've used some but it's not really my cup of tea. on monday night, my bother and sil were minding my baby for me since it was my birthday and my babys father (not together, very close friends and co parents) took me to get some dinner in one of my favourite fast food places. it was great and really relaxing. when i got home that evening, my sil said that she did some cleaning and "threw out anything i don't need". this immediately gave me red flags but they were in a hurry to get out the door and left almost immediately. when i went into the nursery, every disposable nappy and wipe pack was gone and replaced with some reusable cloth ones. same with my formula, there was 8 tubs and all of it was gone, i'm not able to replace them at the moment and soley breastfeeding isn't sustainable for us. i was extremely angry and i just turned my phone off to avoid being mean to my sil. she and my brother came over yesterday to collect something they forgot and that was when i confronted her. i told her she has to replace everything she dumped. when she said she can't afford to, i said fine, just get out and don't come back until i've been reimbursed or everything is replaced with the original items. my brother thinks i'm being a massive asshole and he's on his wifes side. our parents think im being completely reasonable here but they think telling her essentially not to come back is taking it too far. aita? [/INST] nta. throwing away unused disposable diapers is even worse than using them and throwing them away. they are still going to the same place but have now doubled. formula is expensive and you say you're supplementing... your baby is still getting breastmilk but needs a little more. that's why formula was created. your sil was waaaaay out of line. even if she doesn't agree with your parenting style, she has no right to sabotage it. it's the baby that will suffer. she needs to replace it all or give you the money to replace it. </s>
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AITA because I refuse to go and visit my special needs stepsister in hospital even though she’s very sick? I low key hate her.
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i’m 15 years old. i have a stepsister who is a couple years older than me and she is really seriously disabled. i’m not sure what’s wrong with her because no one ever wants to discuss it with me but she’s non verbal, breaks her bones a lot, and has severe epilepsy and will have many fitting episodes. she also doesn’t understand stuff. that’s probably the easiest way to put it. she’s just a human body with nothing inside.
she’s my stepmoms daughter. my stepmom married my dad 3 years ago and they dated only for a year before that. i don’t know my stepmom very well and i don’t really get on with her. we are respectful to each other but i’m basically living with strangers because she’s so busy with her daughter and my dad. i am always on my own and i used to hate it but i’m used to it now.
ever since they moved in to live with us life changed drastically for me because all the care now revolves around my stepsister. that’s fine, i get it, but both my stepmom and my dad ask me to do things for my stepsister that i don’t want to do and i resent doing. stuff like staying home when i want to go to the mall with my friends, they’re disappointed that i don’t get her anything for her birthday with my very limited funds, etc.
my own mom passed away when i was small so i can’t go and stay anywhere else and all in all i’m just a lot more angry than i used to be because they seem really disappointed whenever i say i don’t want to do anything for her. even stuff like feeding her- like- i don’t want to sit there feeding her banana pudding and wiping her drool. i didn’t ask for this.
anyway, she recently fell a few days ago and had a seizure for 8 minutes. she was taken to hospital and the doctors want to keep her in and look after her. i don’t want to go and visit her. i remember seeing my mom in hospital before she died and i just hate hospitals and i sort of hate my stepsister and i just don’t want to go and visit someone who doesn’t even know i’m there.
my stepmom is really upset with me and so is my dad. they haven’t yelled at me or anything but they are both being super cold towards me because i don’t want to visit. my grandma who lives in canada called me up out the blue and told me it was okay and i don’t need to force myself to go to the hospital so i’m assuming my dad has told her i’m refusing to go. he keeps pleading with me but i keep telling him i’m not doing it. i told him hospitals remind me of mom and he got even more upset and said my stepsister might die and i need to stop being so selfish towards my stepmom.
i just want to know what reddit thinks because half my friends think i should go and the other half think i’m justified in saying no.
| 38,510 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1btlg/aita_because_i_refuse_to_go_and_visit_my_special/
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2019-09-08 14:48:36
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nta. you sound like an average teenager who has had a lot of life experiences early on. if going to the hospital upsets you, don't go. and don't be afraid to tell your dad what you need, which is his undivided attention for a minute! if you're in school, talk to a counselor or teacher, or ask to be referred to therapy.
you have a real asset in your grandma. call her and talk with her often. she may be a good way to get through to your dad.
hang in there. i'm sorry life is tough right now.
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nah. you're right, you didn't ask for this, you're not your sister's carer, and having lost your mom you're understandably uneasy around hospitals.
but please rethink the idea that "she’s just a human body with nothing inside." people with disabilities are still people.
and while i don't think you should be the one feeding her, it does seem strange that you don't give her birthday gifts. even something small would be a kind gesture.
you're in a really difficult situation, and i sympathise, but there has to be a middle ground between being her carer and rejecting her altogether.
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nta
i completely disagree with the notion you should be there as support for your dad and step mom. you are a child. it’s not your role to be their support system (although in a healthy dynamic this will shift as you get older).
as far as how you feel about your stepsister- i completely understand why you haven’t formed a bond with her and feel like you can’t. it’s completely reasonable. i do think you should find a different way to verbalize it- saying you have no bond with her is different than saying she’s just nothing and it’s less offensive to people.
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nta at all. i hate situations like this where everyone is getting a bad deal and the other kid/s get forgotten. you may have to pull your dad to the side and talk to him how you’re feeling forgotten.
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nta for not wanting to go visit or be responsible for your stepsister’s care/wellbeing. that’s just not an appropriate responsibility to ask a 15 year-old to take on, and it makes sense you have a lot of issues around hospitals because of your mom.
sounds like you have a ton of (very understandable) resentment around your situation which makes a lot of sense — especially since you didn’t choose it, and you don’t feel any real connection with your stepmom or stepsister.
that said, you are slightly ta for how you describe your stepsister, and for “hating” her — she is a person, albeit one with a ton of challenges who can’t interact in a typical way. it’s not her fault those challenges make your life so difficult.
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nta. your stepmom and dad are assholes for expecting you to take care of her. you didn't ask for any of this. you don't have a relationship with her and she's not related to you. i'm sorry you're going through this. you're only 15 and still a child who needs their father.
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nta. i don't think they're assholes for wanting you to go visit her in the hospital, but they *are* assholes for (at least partially) neglecting you and leaving you to more or less grow up on your own because they're so focused on your sister.
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[deleted]
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nah
your dad and step mom are understandable in wanting you to go but they should also understand your reasoning in bit wanting to go. sorry about you mom and good luck to you.
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nah. if she's as disabled as you say, she won't be aware that you're there or who you are. you'd be doing it to support your dad and stepmother, which of course would be a nice thing to do. you shouldn't be put in the position of caregiver for her though. and buying presents for her seems pointless.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NAH
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NAH
| 0.006547 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m 15 years old. i have a stepsister who is a couple years older than me and she is really seriously disabled. i’m not sure what’s wrong with her because no one ever wants to discuss it with me but she’s non verbal, breaks her bones a lot, and has severe epilepsy and will have many fitting episodes. she also doesn’t understand stuff. that’s probably the easiest way to put it. she’s just a human body with nothing inside. she’s my stepmoms daughter. my stepmom married my dad 3 years ago and they dated only for a year before that. i don’t know my stepmom very well and i don’t really get on with her. we are respectful to each other but i’m basically living with strangers because she’s so busy with her daughter and my dad. i am always on my own and i used to hate it but i’m used to it now. ever since they moved in to live with us life changed drastically for me because all the care now revolves around my stepsister. that’s fine, i get it, but both my stepmom and my dad ask me to do things for my stepsister that i don’t want to do and i resent doing. stuff like staying home when i want to go to the mall with my friends, they’re disappointed that i don’t get her anything for her birthday with my very limited funds, etc. my own mom passed away when i was small so i can’t go and stay anywhere else and all in all i’m just a lot more angry than i used to be because they seem really disappointed whenever i say i don’t want to do anything for her. even stuff like feeding her- like- i don’t want to sit there feeding her banana pudding and wiping her drool. i didn’t ask for this. anyway, she recently fell a few days ago and had a seizure for 8 minutes. she was taken to hospital and the doctors want to keep her in and look after her. i don’t want to go and visit her. i remember seeing my mom in hospital before she died and i just hate hospitals and i sort of hate my stepsister and i just don’t want to go and visit someone who doesn’t even know i’m there. my stepmom is really upset with me and so is my dad. they haven’t yelled at me or anything but they are both being super cold towards me because i don’t want to visit. my grandma who lives in canada called me up out the blue and told me it was okay and i don’t need to force myself to go to the hospital so i’m assuming my dad has told her i’m refusing to go. he keeps pleading with me but i keep telling him i’m not doing it. i told him hospitals remind me of mom and he got even more upset and said my stepsister might die and i need to stop being so selfish towards my stepmom. i just want to know what reddit thinks because half my friends think i should go and the other half think i’m justified in saying no.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m 15 years old. i have a stepsister who is a couple years older than me and she is really seriously disabled. i’m not sure what’s wrong with her because no one ever wants to discuss it with me but she’s non verbal, breaks her bones a lot, and has severe epilepsy and will have many fitting episodes. she also doesn’t understand stuff. that’s probably the easiest way to put it. she’s just a human body with nothing inside. she’s my stepmoms daughter. my stepmom married my dad 3 years ago and they dated only for a year before that. i don’t know my stepmom very well and i don’t really get on with her. we are respectful to each other but i’m basically living with strangers because she’s so busy with her daughter and my dad. i am always on my own and i used to hate it but i’m used to it now. ever since they moved in to live with us life changed drastically for me because all the care now revolves around my stepsister. that’s fine, i get it, but both my stepmom and my dad ask me to do things for my stepsister that i don’t want to do and i resent doing. stuff like staying home when i want to go to the mall with my friends, they’re disappointed that i don’t get her anything for her birthday with my very limited funds, etc. my own mom passed away when i was small so i can’t go and stay anywhere else and all in all i’m just a lot more angry than i used to be because they seem really disappointed whenever i say i don’t want to do anything for her. even stuff like feeding her- like- i don’t want to sit there feeding her banana pudding and wiping her drool. i didn’t ask for this. anyway, she recently fell a few days ago and had a seizure for 8 minutes. she was taken to hospital and the doctors want to keep her in and look after her. i don’t want to go and visit her. i remember seeing my mom in hospital before she died and i just hate hospitals and i sort of hate my stepsister and i just don’t want to go and visit someone who doesn’t even know i’m there. my stepmom is really upset with me and so is my dad. they haven’t yelled at me or anything but they are both being super cold towards me because i don’t want to visit. my grandma who lives in canada called me up out the blue and told me it was okay and i don’t need to force myself to go to the hospital so i’m assuming my dad has told her i’m refusing to go. he keeps pleading with me but i keep telling him i’m not doing it. i told him hospitals remind me of mom and he got even more upset and said my stepsister might die and i need to stop being so selfish towards my stepmom. i just want to know what reddit thinks because half my friends think i should go and the other half think i’m justified in saying no. [/INST] nta. you sound like an average teenager who has had a lot of life experiences early on. if going to the hospital upsets you, don't go. and don't be afraid to tell your dad what you need, which is his undivided attention for a minute! if you're in school, talk to a counselor or teacher, or ask to be referred to therapy. you have a real asset in your grandma. call her and talk with her often. she may be a good way to get through to your dad. hang in there. i'm sorry life is tough right now. </s>
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AITA For Firing An Employee After His Parents Died?
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i'm the vp of sales at a software company and one of our sales development reps parents passed away at the beginning of april, sadly they were involved in a car crash and both lost their lives. now the employee in question in very young 22 year old guy and has been with us for about 10 months now. he's a great employee and we were thinking about promotions in the next \~6 months for him. his job is a high paying one for a new grad, about \~90k with commission and base so we expect a lot from this position. because of the accident we let him take a 1 month paid leave of absence from work and he's returned a few weeks ago and his performance is severely lacking. he's super unmotivated, not cold calling, out reaching to prospects for the last 2-3 weeks enough since he's come back. our whole mgmt team has noticed this and we decided to let him go because we feel like he'd need months and months to be able to produce again and we can't just wait that long.
we called him into a meeting on friday afternoon and gave him the bad news, he was very calm and rude about it. told us to go fuck ourselves and got up and went to his desk grabbed his few things and left. i thought this was very very unprofessional and extremely rude.
i told my boyfriend about all of this and he said myself and my mgmt team are a bunch of asses and pricks with no hearts.
aita?
&#x200b;
\*\*update\*\*\*
holy fuck this blew up, i know this was shitty of me now. and i reached out to him to see how he's holding up. he's staying at his gf's place and she's supporting him a lot right now. i offered to get my head hunter friend in touch with him when he's ready and he accepted.
| 38,438 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bvxqh8/aita_for_firing_an_employee_after_his_parents_died/
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2019-06-02 14:10:33
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yta for firing him without first going through the steps of describing his issues to him and giving him a chance to improve. he's been back for only 2-3 weeks.
it's not about "having heart", it's about making a dumb business decision for both you and him. so much smarter to work with this guy to get him back on track after a temporary setback than to push the eject button and have to find and start over with a new person. dumb.
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yta, generally people receive a warning about their performance before they get fired. you gave him bereavement leave and then fired him immediately after because he wasn't performing.
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yta. surely this is a shitpost.
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yup, congrats yta.
if this is isn't a shitpost well done, you pulled a poor mourning kid's remaining stability and livelihood out from under him. 4 weeks after his parents passed away.
hope the rest of the team's moral stays high after this one.
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yta. without a doubt. you gave him 2-3 weeks after he came back before you fired him? that’s not enough time to start underperforming and be fired for someone who didn’t experience such a tragedy. if you really cared or were a decent company, you’d find him a mentor, maybe start pulling him aside and coaching him, find ways to bring up the problems but making it work for you both for at least a couple months. wow.
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this is a bs story.
1) you’re the vp of sales and are firing inside sales reps? huh, ok...
2) you gave him a month paid leave? your company is so small you personally fired him, but large enough it can pay a full month of leave? even large companies don’t offer that.
3) almost all sales organization will have a performance improvement plan (pip). you put under performing sales employees on a pip which includes clear measurement for improvement. if they don’t improve within the time period allotted, then you fire them.
whose ever heard of a few weeks lackluster performance = firing? this story is garbage or your company sucks.
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you are absolutely the asshole. 100% yta. death is incredibly serious and takes time to heal from. he is a human being, i am so appauled that you made the decision to do that. the stress of losing people you hold close is completely unimaginable. i can't even begin to understand how much worse that gets after you lose your income directly after. seriously, i am just so disgusted with this action. especially considering he was a great employee who you seemed to feel had room to grow with the company.
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yta- there were better options than just straight up firing him. maybe have a meeting about his job performance? see if he needs counseling? this dude is clearly in the depths of despair, firing him was immature.
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yta. i’ve been a manager for a fair while and this is a horrid way of dealing with it. id be surprised if he doesn’t take your company to an onbudsman for an unfair dismissal. where was the caution, warnings, written letters?
hopefully he’ll have your company and you over a barrel.
edit. ty for the silver. and holy shit, who knew the states was so backwards that you can’t take your employer to court for an unfair dismissal! glad i don’t live there.
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yta, you didn’t even give him a few weeks slack after he lost not one, but both of his parents! instead of firimg him you could have made a plan to help him get back on track, show him you cared (which you obviously don’t, but still) .. yeah, major dickmove!
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm the vp of sales at a software company and one of our sales development reps parents passed away at the beginning of april, sadly they were involved in a car crash and both lost their lives. now the employee in question in very young 22 year old guy and has been with us for about 10 months now. he's a great employee and we were thinking about promotions in the next \~6 months for him. his job is a high paying one for a new grad, about \~90k with commission and base so we expect a lot from this position. because of the accident we let him take a 1 month paid leave of absence from work and he's returned a few weeks ago and his performance is severely lacking. he's super unmotivated, not cold calling, out reaching to prospects for the last 2-3 weeks enough since he's come back. our whole mgmt team has noticed this and we decided to let him go because we feel like he'd need months and months to be able to produce again and we can't just wait that long. we called him into a meeting on friday afternoon and gave him the bad news, he was very calm and rude about it. told us to go fuck ourselves and got up and went to his desk grabbed his few things and left. i thought this was very very unprofessional and extremely rude. i told my boyfriend about all of this and he said myself and my mgmt team are a bunch of asses and pricks with no hearts. aita? &#x200b; \*\*update\*\*\* holy fuck this blew up, i know this was shitty of me now. and i reached out to him to see how he's holding up. he's staying at his gf's place and she's supporting him a lot right now. i offered to get my head hunter friend in touch with him when he's ready and he accepted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm the vp of sales at a software company and one of our sales development reps parents passed away at the beginning of april, sadly they were involved in a car crash and both lost their lives. now the employee in question in very young 22 year old guy and has been with us for about 10 months now. he's a great employee and we were thinking about promotions in the next \~6 months for him. his job is a high paying one for a new grad, about \~90k with commission and base so we expect a lot from this position. because of the accident we let him take a 1 month paid leave of absence from work and he's returned a few weeks ago and his performance is severely lacking. he's super unmotivated, not cold calling, out reaching to prospects for the last 2-3 weeks enough since he's come back. our whole mgmt team has noticed this and we decided to let him go because we feel like he'd need months and months to be able to produce again and we can't just wait that long. we called him into a meeting on friday afternoon and gave him the bad news, he was very calm and rude about it. told us to go fuck ourselves and got up and went to his desk grabbed his few things and left. i thought this was very very unprofessional and extremely rude. i told my boyfriend about all of this and he said myself and my mgmt team are a bunch of asses and pricks with no hearts. aita? &#x200b; \*\*update\*\*\* holy fuck this blew up, i know this was shitty of me now. and i reached out to him to see how he's holding up. he's staying at his gf's place and she's supporting him a lot right now. i offered to get my head hunter friend in touch with him when he's ready and he accepted. [/INST] yta for firing him without first going through the steps of describing his issues to him and giving him a chance to improve. he's been back for only 2-3 weeks. it's not about "having heart", it's about making a dumb business decision for both you and him. so much smarter to work with this guy to get him back on track after a temporary setback than to push the eject button and have to find and start over with a new person. dumb. </s>
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AITA For Barring My Husband From The Bedroom Tonight?
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so here is the situation.
me: nurse. working 50ish hours a week in paediatric icu. cry at least once a week because that shit is hard. my salary pays our bills. all of them.
husband: 25m. has a degree but isn't looking for a job. works 2 days a week at the grocery store. spends most of his time playing lol.
btw all events here are in accordance with covid legislation.
today was supposed to be a good day. i had been begging my husband to swap his saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together. we haven't had a weekend together since our wedding, 18mo ago.
today was supposed to be our first saturday off together. we were going to go to an animal sanctuary.
he starts the day by going to breakfast. with his best mate. leaving before i even wake up. i wake up around 9 and realise he is not home. call. he says he's helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway.
he gets home at 1ish. lies around. plays some video games, promising we would cook dinner together tonight.
leaves again at 5 to help the same mate with something else.
i go grocery shopping. i don't drive because of medical issues, but i walk there and back in the rain. i get home, realise i've left my keys inside. call husband, knowing he's 5min away. he says he will leave in a minute. i sit in the rain and the cold (southern hemisphere). 45 min later, i call again. he hasn't left yet. he finally agrees to come and let me in the house, so he drives up, presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again.
at 10, i i called to see where he is. his friend answers. says he is driving out to do something an hour away.
it's 10.30. i am going to bed. i have sent him a txt that i am upset and don't want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone.
as far as i am concerned, if he can't value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and i have shared in a year and a half, he can go sleep in his bed instead. (btw, his friend doesn't work, so they hang out all the time when i am at work).
he is going to be upset. and he is gonna tell his mate and his mate is going to tell him i'm being a bitch.
aita
adding some info: i am 26. we weren't always like this. i don't know what changed. i'm fairly confident he's not having an affair. and i fully intend on talking this through, but at a time that isn't 4am.
also the crying: sick babies sometimes make me sad, and i love all my patients. that's why i cry. and i don't mean hours of sobbing. i mean stepping into a supply closet to take a moment before getting back to work.
also thank you for your kindness. i was expecting maybe 5 replies. i am trying to respond as much as i can. but there are a lot of you.
| 38,412 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxm71l/aita_for_barring_my_husband_from_the_bedroom/
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2020-07-25 12:50:04
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nta
i'd ban him for more than one night! what kind of thoughtless behaviour! sounds like there are bigger issues surrounding his job too. have you spoke to him about finding a full time job? it's not fair that he's not pulling his weight.
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nta. my first reaction is who’s he seeing on the side? if he’s spending his free time with his mate, is his mate just providing an alibi? when you call and he’s not there, how convenient is the mate’s response?
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thats not a husband its an over grown child. if he can't spend 1 day with you in 18 months and chooses to spend that day with his friends then kicking him out of the bedroom isn't going to change his behaviour. he needs to start making you, his wife a priority or he needs to pack his shit and leave. he doesn't work and isn't looking for work. he spends all day every day hanging with friends or gaming while you work your ass off helping others and paying bills. couples therapy isnt going to change that as he probably believes you are over reacting and he has done nothing wrong. sorry to sound harsh but you married a dud. he's lazy and inconsiderate. personally i'd throw the whole man away and start again. nta
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nta i don’t want to upset you, but you do have to consider that something more is going on than just your husband spending a lot of time with a pal. there might be some “extramarital” activity going on and the friend is acting as a front so your husband can carry on with whomever without you finding out. you know your husband best, but if i were you, i’d be suspicious of his behavior.
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why are you still with this man? he does not care about you - in fact he’s more concerned about this “friend” than he is you. he is working two days a week and plays video games the rest of the week? i’d love to hear an explanation for the logic there.
does he do chores? run errands? anything to help his partner’s day be a bit easier? does he even enjoy being around you?
nta
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divorce him. your life will be the same as now, except that you will have more money because you are not paying for home to life a life of leisure.
or don't. and decide you want to years down the road. and by then you have to pay him alimony due to the length of marriage.
you deserve someone who prioritizes you.
nta
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you don’t need reddit you need marriage counseling.
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nta and you deserve a better husband.
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nta. this is one of those scenarios where i can’t even say “you need to communicate with him-“ because it’s so blatantly fucking obvious what he did wrong. he doesn’t value your time together at all.
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clearly this is your first marriage. good luck on the next one.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so here is the situation. me: nurse. working 50ish hours a week in paediatric icu. cry at least once a week because that shit is hard. my salary pays our bills. all of them. husband: 25m. has a degree but isn't looking for a job. works 2 days a week at the grocery store. spends most of his time playing lol. btw all events here are in accordance with covid legislation. today was supposed to be a good day. i had been begging my husband to swap his saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together. we haven't had a weekend together since our wedding, 18mo ago. today was supposed to be our first saturday off together. we were going to go to an animal sanctuary. he starts the day by going to breakfast. with his best mate. leaving before i even wake up. i wake up around 9 and realise he is not home. call. he says he's helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway. he gets home at 1ish. lies around. plays some video games, promising we would cook dinner together tonight. leaves again at 5 to help the same mate with something else. i go grocery shopping. i don't drive because of medical issues, but i walk there and back in the rain. i get home, realise i've left my keys inside. call husband, knowing he's 5min away. he says he will leave in a minute. i sit in the rain and the cold (southern hemisphere). 45 min later, i call again. he hasn't left yet. he finally agrees to come and let me in the house, so he drives up, presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again. at 10, i i called to see where he is. his friend answers. says he is driving out to do something an hour away. it's 10.30. i am going to bed. i have sent him a txt that i am upset and don't want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone. as far as i am concerned, if he can't value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and i have shared in a year and a half, he can go sleep in his bed instead. (btw, his friend doesn't work, so they hang out all the time when i am at work). he is going to be upset. and he is gonna tell his mate and his mate is going to tell him i'm being a bitch. aita adding some info: i am 26. we weren't always like this. i don't know what changed. i'm fairly confident he's not having an affair. and i fully intend on talking this through, but at a time that isn't 4am. also the crying: sick babies sometimes make me sad, and i love all my patients. that's why i cry. and i don't mean hours of sobbing. i mean stepping into a supply closet to take a moment before getting back to work. also thank you for your kindness. i was expecting maybe 5 replies. i am trying to respond as much as i can. but there are a lot of you.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so here is the situation. me: nurse. working 50ish hours a week in paediatric icu. cry at least once a week because that shit is hard. my salary pays our bills. all of them. husband: 25m. has a degree but isn't looking for a job. works 2 days a week at the grocery store. spends most of his time playing lol. btw all events here are in accordance with covid legislation. today was supposed to be a good day. i had been begging my husband to swap his saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together. we haven't had a weekend together since our wedding, 18mo ago. today was supposed to be our first saturday off together. we were going to go to an animal sanctuary. he starts the day by going to breakfast. with his best mate. leaving before i even wake up. i wake up around 9 and realise he is not home. call. he says he's helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway. he gets home at 1ish. lies around. plays some video games, promising we would cook dinner together tonight. leaves again at 5 to help the same mate with something else. i go grocery shopping. i don't drive because of medical issues, but i walk there and back in the rain. i get home, realise i've left my keys inside. call husband, knowing he's 5min away. he says he will leave in a minute. i sit in the rain and the cold (southern hemisphere). 45 min later, i call again. he hasn't left yet. he finally agrees to come and let me in the house, so he drives up, presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again. at 10, i i called to see where he is. his friend answers. says he is driving out to do something an hour away. it's 10.30. i am going to bed. i have sent him a txt that i am upset and don't want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone. as far as i am concerned, if he can't value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and i have shared in a year and a half, he can go sleep in his bed instead. (btw, his friend doesn't work, so they hang out all the time when i am at work). he is going to be upset. and he is gonna tell his mate and his mate is going to tell him i'm being a bitch. aita adding some info: i am 26. we weren't always like this. i don't know what changed. i'm fairly confident he's not having an affair. and i fully intend on talking this through, but at a time that isn't 4am. also the crying: sick babies sometimes make me sad, and i love all my patients. that's why i cry. and i don't mean hours of sobbing. i mean stepping into a supply closet to take a moment before getting back to work. also thank you for your kindness. i was expecting maybe 5 replies. i am trying to respond as much as i can. but there are a lot of you. [/INST] nta i'd ban him for more than one night! what kind of thoughtless behaviour! sounds like there are bigger issues surrounding his job too. have you spoke to him about finding a full time job? it's not fair that he's not pulling his weight. </s>
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AITA for not waking up my girlfriend for her exam after I overheard her calling me a little bitch?
|
my girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning.
i usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets.
she has joked that i’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so i didn’t mind, obviously i want to love my partner and try make her life easy.
however last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought i couldn’t hear. she was bragging that i’m her little bitch and i do everything for her when she tells me to, etc. it really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing.
she specifically said ‘yeah i’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure i’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too’
i went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning i didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go. she usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but i let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and i turned around and went back to sleep too.
when she woke up she was yelling at me saying i’m an asshole and i’ve cost her her exam and i’m a piece of shit for what i did.
| 38,354 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gth6bg/aita_for_not_waking_up_my_girlfriend_for_her_exam/
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2020-05-30 16:40:56
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nta. your girlfriend sounds incredibly abusive. you shouldn’t have to put up with that. don’t wait for any more red flags. get out of this now. you deserve better.
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dude, the way she talked about you is horrible. forget about petty revenge and leave, you deserve better.
edited to add : nta
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nta as long as you break up with her immediately.
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nta
now it's time to just break up with her. if you keep being passive aggressive and doing things like this, you'll quickly become an asshole too. better to leave this toxic environment.
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nta
after what she said you should have confronted her right then and there. embarrassed her in front of her friends by letting them hear that you heard them.
if that’s how she acts when she thinks no one can hear her imagine what you haven’t heard.
you need to talk to her. she needs to apologize and grow up. you can do better than that.
personally, just the alarm thing would be a dealbreaker for me. dealt with it once for a few days in college and i was ready to smash her phone. you don’t get more sleep by setting an alarm for every 10 minutes. you cost the other three girls in the hotel room an hour worth of sleep and make everyone hate you...
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esh. her exponentially more than you, but you did a shitty thing. i’d dump her. you know, what you could have done is woken her up just in time for the exam and broken up with her right then. still would a been a rude move but less destructive for her and maybe more satisfying than the passively aggressive move to just let her sleep
anyway, sounds like you’re still with her. i’d get out of that asap
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karma's a bitch, isn't it? nta, get out of there. you deserve better.
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esh. her obviously waaaaay more than you, by a mile. but instead of petty vengeance, you should have said "what the fuck was that you said to your friend?" and dealt with it.
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nta but also definitely dump this girl.
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nta, she didn't respect you. so why would you do anything helpful for her? also get out of that relationship.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning. i usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets. she has joked that i’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so i didn’t mind, obviously i want to love my partner and try make her life easy. however last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought i couldn’t hear. she was bragging that i’m her little bitch and i do everything for her when she tells me to, etc. it really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing. she specifically said ‘yeah i’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure i’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too’ i went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning i didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go. she usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but i let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and i turned around and went back to sleep too. when she woke up she was yelling at me saying i’m an asshole and i’ve cost her her exam and i’m a piece of shit for what i did.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning. i usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets. she has joked that i’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so i didn’t mind, obviously i want to love my partner and try make her life easy. however last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought i couldn’t hear. she was bragging that i’m her little bitch and i do everything for her when she tells me to, etc. it really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing. she specifically said ‘yeah i’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure i’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too’ i went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning i didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go. she usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but i let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and i turned around and went back to sleep too. when she woke up she was yelling at me saying i’m an asshole and i’ve cost her her exam and i’m a piece of shit for what i did. [/INST] nta. your girlfriend sounds incredibly abusive. you shouldn’t have to put up with that. don’t wait for any more red flags. get out of this now. you deserve better. </s>
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AITA for ruining both my parents marriages for disowning me?
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i am the by-product of my parents extra-marital affair. both of them had spouses at the time. my birth-mother got pregnant and had to tell her husband as he was overseas when i was conceived so there was no way i was his. a few months after i was born they decided not to divorce. i was given to my grandparents on my mothers side to raise with my birth father secretly paying child support without his wife's knowledge.
both my parents had other children, my dad's side knows nothing about me but my siblings on my mum's side were told that i am adopted by my grandparents. recently i decided that i wanted to know more about my dad's family and i sent a friend's request to one of my siblings and my dad so i could get to know him. well he freaked out and contacted my birth mum and they asked to speak to me over skype. they both told me that they couldnt risk staying in contact with me and told me that they were going no-contact and to please respect it and move on with my life.
well i did pretty much the opposite. i contacted my dad's wife and shared screen shots of our conversations and told her everything. she is now divorcing him while on my mother's side i told both my siblings who then went on to tell extended family including her husband's side so now they are seperated and my siblings hate my mother.
currently my siblings on both sides lives have been upturned and after the satisfaction has worn off i feel like i unnecessarily hurt them through my parents. aita for ruining my parents marriages?
| 38,271 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cohdqj/aita_for_ruining_both_my_parents_marriages_for/
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2019-08-10 12:23:53
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nta
you didn’t ruin anything - they did.
your birth parents have been and continued to be completely selfish arseholes, and everyone deserved to see who they really were.
the only people who upended anyone’s lives are your parents. you did not deserve to be told to go away or hidden.
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nta your parents are fucking selfish. so many other options for them instead of just pretending like you don’t exist. if you don’t want your spouse to find out you cheated, how about not ducking cheating.
all you wanted was a little contact with family. they rejected you. well they don’t get to choose whether your half sisters and brothers want to know you or not. maybe sharing screenshots was not the right way to go but honesty if you keep such a huge secret from your spouse, you deserve to get found out eventually.
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nta. it's really shitty that they would try to deprive you of having *literally any family* besides your grandparents so that they can cover up their bad behavior. i don't blame you for what you did. you're definitely going to have to deal with the fallout, but at least you can now have a relationship with your siblings.
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they were expecting you to actively participate in erasing your own existence from their world. they basically wanted you to not exist. of course you got angry and wanted to hurt them.
so the fact that you wanted to punish them is...well, i won’t go so far as to call it assholish, but the fact that you feel like a schmuck for deliberately kicking the keystone pebble that led to this particular landslide tells me that you are a decent person that doesn’t like to see other people in pain as a direct result of events you played a minor part in engineering. but please remember that the people who set up this whole situation made it so, so easy for you to trigger that landslide. all you had to do was publicly exist at them. sure, you were pissed, but literally the only thing you did was say “hey! i exist!” and if all you have to do is breath and exist to blow up someone’s tower of lies...then you are so nta.
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you’re nta here. your parents couldn’t have expected to hide a living, breathing *human being* forever. this is their lie and their problem. you were born into inauspicious circumstances but you didn’t choose who your parents were. you don’t deserve to live hidden away for the rest of your life.
try and be supportive of your siblings on both sides, but embrace being out in the open. take this opportunity to learn about your relatives on a deeper level (while also respecting their boundaries when asked). forget your parents, they were never worth knowing to begin with. but see if you can build new friendships and relationships with your siblings, who are also victims of your parents’ lies.
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nta for ruining their marriages, they did that by cheating. sure exposing a cheater's cheating will hurt the family that's being cheated on, but in my opinion that's never an asshole thing to do even if it's now in the distant past. you didn't make them cheaters, you just exposed them for what they were.
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i dont have a coherent answer. but i will say this, lies almost certainly eventually unfold.
for 17 years they did not own up to their mistake, they literally passed it over to someone else, well, that mistake has asked to be recognized, they thought they can just brush it off like they did, so they faced the consequences from the worst perspective.
they could've tried and make it right opening things up slowly and carefully, but i guess they got what they deserve. props on the balls, karma is a bitch.
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nta. the sending of screenshots to the wife is maybe a bit petty, but i generally support notifying someone when you know their partner is cheating/has cheated on them. in this case the cheater had a whole kid with their cheating partner and was paying child support, so there was a financial deception in addition to the original betrayal of cheating. it sucks that your half-sibs got caught up in the nastiness, but your bio dad had to have known this would catch up to him eventually. it's pretty gross of him to expect you to bear the consequences of his bad behavior while he goes on his merry way.
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info: when/how did you find out the truth about your parentage? if it was later in life i'm particularly interested in how your "adopted sister" acted towards you.
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i'm gonna go against the grain and say esh. your parents for obvious reasons, and you for intentionally ruining someone's life for your own satisfaction.
did you have a reason for it, sure. but being a vengeful asshole is still being a vengeful asshole. note, i'm not saying that you're a bad person by any means, most people including myself probably understand why you'd do what you did. but i do think you're a bit of a dick for intentionally doing it.
now, if it had happened accidentally for example because your father's wife had accidentally seen the message on your dad's phone, that wouldn't have been explicitly your fault, and you would not be an asshole here, but purposely doing this is a different matter.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
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ESH
| 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am the by-product of my parents extra-marital affair. both of them had spouses at the time. my birth-mother got pregnant and had to tell her husband as he was overseas when i was conceived so there was no way i was his. a few months after i was born they decided not to divorce. i was given to my grandparents on my mothers side to raise with my birth father secretly paying child support without his wife's knowledge.
both my parents had other children, my dad's side knows nothing about me but my siblings on my mum's side were told that i am adopted by my grandparents. recently i decided that i wanted to know more about my dad's family and i sent a friend's request to one of my siblings and my dad so i could get to know him. well he freaked out and contacted my birth mum and they asked to speak to me over skype. they both told me that they couldnt risk staying in contact with me and told me that they were going no-contact and to please respect it and move on with my life.
well i did pretty much the opposite. i contacted my dad's wife and shared screen shots of our conversations and told her everything. she is now divorcing him while on my mother's side i told both my siblings who then went on to tell extended family including her husband's side so now they are seperated and my siblings hate my mother.
currently my siblings on both sides lives have been upturned and after the satisfaction has worn off i feel like i unnecessarily hurt them through my parents. aita for ruining my parents marriages?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am the by-product of my parents extra-marital affair. both of them had spouses at the time. my birth-mother got pregnant and had to tell her husband as he was overseas when i was conceived so there was no way i was his. a few months after i was born they decided not to divorce. i was given to my grandparents on my mothers side to raise with my birth father secretly paying child support without his wife's knowledge.
both my parents had other children, my dad's side knows nothing about me but my siblings on my mum's side were told that i am adopted by my grandparents. recently i decided that i wanted to know more about my dad's family and i sent a friend's request to one of my siblings and my dad so i could get to know him. well he freaked out and contacted my birth mum and they asked to speak to me over skype. they both told me that they couldnt risk staying in contact with me and told me that they were going no-contact and to please respect it and move on with my life.
well i did pretty much the opposite. i contacted my dad's wife and shared screen shots of our conversations and told her everything. she is now divorcing him while on my mother's side i told both my siblings who then went on to tell extended family including her husband's side so now they are seperated and my siblings hate my mother.
currently my siblings on both sides lives have been upturned and after the satisfaction has worn off i feel like i unnecessarily hurt them through my parents. aita for ruining my parents marriages? [/INST] nta you didn’t ruin anything - they did. your birth parents have been and continued to be completely selfish arseholes, and everyone deserved to see who they really were. the only people who upended anyone’s lives are your parents. you did not deserve to be told to go away or hidden. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife’s friend she is too old and ugly after she repeatedly asked my 19-year-old son to take off his shirt? He was getting uncomfortable.
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my family had a small get together at my house. one of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried i think she is 45-47)? we aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. she was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line.
when we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. she repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. i interject and i am like "hey kathy, i think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son."
this got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. my wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves.
at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that i should have said hey cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. i told my wife, that kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. and our son was uncomfortable. he is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house.
i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. she says its different. i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again.
overall, i think i was fair. if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it. and i wanted her to get the message that yes i am upset that's why i included the ugly part.
| 38,050 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzjbhx/aita_for_telling_my_wifes_friend_she_is_too_old/
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2020-07-28 17:50:50
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nta. double standard no more. i wouldn’t let her around my boy anymore. i would be livid if a husbands friend was telling my daughter the same type of things.
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i'm going to go with nta. it would probably have been better to say sternly "kathy, that's enough. stop it or leave my house" and leaving her appearance out of it. however, your comments were in the context of her sexually harrassing your barely legal child who is less than half her age, and i'm having a hard time sustaining any outrage because you were a little snarky slapping down her exploitive and inappropriate behavior. your wife is wrong. it is not better because she is a woman and your son is a man. sexual harrassment and preying on the fact that younger people often don't have experience shutting down inappropriate advances, particularly from someone connected to their parents or in some authority or authority-adjacent position, is always wrong. the gender of the perpetrator and victim are irrelevent, and if she has a tendency to behave in a sexually inappropriate and aggressive manner when drinking then she should never drink.
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i really want to say esh. i dont think that saying “hey kathy, youre old and ugly lol” is the best way to to about this. what would you have said if she was 30 years old & beautiful ?
a better way of handling it would be to say something like: “kathy, your behavior is crossing a line and needs to stop immediately. if you dont stop then you will need to leave”. a firm statement like that will get the point across just as well, without hurting anyone, and shows your son how to handle conflict like an adult
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nta she needs to learn that her behavior is unacceptable
edit i’m alarmed by how many people here think the word “ugly” is worse than *actual sexual harassment.* she chose to open to door to making unwelcome comments on people’s bodies and she deserved to have a dose of her own medicine.
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esh except the son. your friend for sexually harassing your son, you for brining her age and appearance into the picture, and your wife for saying "it's different" because it's your son and not your daughter.
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i'm gonna go against the grain here with esh and i'll tell you why. calling out kathy's behaviour was absolutely the right thing to do... it set an example for your children, showed your son that you had his back and all kinds of good stuff like that. but the problem *wasn't* kathy's level of attractiveness. the problem was that she was sexually harassing your son (in his own home, no less!), irrespective of her appearance. you called kathy out and protected your son, but, if anything, you've perpetuated the double standard being discussed in the comments. the problem isn't that an unattractive woman was hitting on your son, it's that it was flat out sexual harassment.
&nbsp;
by making it an issue about her appearance, you've completely sidestepped teaching your son a valuable lesson: *his discomfort alone is enough reason* to assert himself or seek help from you in shutting this stuff down in your own home. he was wronged, you've just completely missed giving him the words to understand and explain exactly how. instead of calling kathy old and ugly, you could have called her *behaviour* out as unwelcome and predatory. your son needs to know that even if a young, attractive woman repeatedly made unwelcome advances towards him, it would still be just as wrong. otherwise you're accidentally perpetuating the idea that, if it was a young and attractive woman, it would be welcome no matter what because (implicitly) men always want sex from anyone attractive enough. that is antiquated and damaging bullshit. it also gives kathy no reason to assess her behaviour, but i won't really count that since teaching her not to be a predator shouldn't be your job.
|
esh
- kathy was sexually harassing your son ah!
- instead of inviting her firmly to **leave** (i would have totally kicked her out) you insulted her. rude ah.
- sexual harassment of *anyone*, by **anyone** is completely unacceptable. your wife needs a reality check.
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nta. thank you for being a good parent and defending your son. how your wife thought it wasnt an issue is beyond me-- regardless of gender, what her friend did is a form of harassment. it is also downright creepy that that woman would sexualize her friends son. you did great, dont let your wife make you think otherwise
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nta. your wife is clearly being sexist... boys and girls should not receive different treatment when it comes to exposing their body. her friend was abusive (i don't know the right therm, i'm a non native english speaker) and your example was totally reliable.
|
esh
her far more than you. she's sexually harassing your son.
but you a little for sending the message to your son that it's fine for a woman to do this to him as long as she's young and pretty in your estimation. the problem wasn't that she's "too old and ugly" the problem was she was harassing him.
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NTA
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NTA
|
ESH
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NTA
|
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| 0.421875 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my family had a small get together at my house. one of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried i think she is 45-47)? we aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. she was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line. when we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. she repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. i interject and i am like "hey kathy, i think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son." this got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. my wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves. at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that i should have said hey cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. i told my wife, that kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. and our son was uncomfortable. he is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house. i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. she says its different. i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again. overall, i think i was fair. if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it. and i wanted her to get the message that yes i am upset that's why i included the ugly part.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my family had a small get together at my house. one of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried i think she is 45-47)? we aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. she was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line. when we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. she repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. i interject and i am like "hey kathy, i think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son." this got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. my wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves. at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that i should have said hey cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. i told my wife, that kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. and our son was uncomfortable. he is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house. i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. she says its different. i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again. overall, i think i was fair. if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it. and i wanted her to get the message that yes i am upset that's why i included the ugly part. [/INST] nta. double standard no more. i wouldn’t let her around my boy anymore. i would be livid if a husbands friend was telling my daughter the same type of things. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend her parents bought her house, not her?
|
the title sounds bad but hear me out.
backstory: i (f28) have a friend (f28) who purchased a house late last year. it's an awesome 2 story town house and i've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. as mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. i truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. i recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks.
the issue: we went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. we were standing with an employee who i had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if i was moving out as general chit chat. i told him i was moving, and he asked whether i bought or rented. i told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him i inherited the house. he told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that i had inherited my house, not purchased it. the employee went quiet and i gave her a "what was that" face. i was taken aback, she continued on saying "yeah, *i* purchased my house". i asked "does it really matter? i'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." she grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (you can probably see where this is going) i replied "oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." the employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. i caught up with her and she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. i returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." my partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50.
| 37,886 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/odfif9/aita_for_telling_my_friend_her_parents_bought_her/
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2021-07-04 07:26:01
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nta. she doesn't get to be catty and look down on you for how you each got your homes. it seems like an odd disconnect that she feels superior about it at all.
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nta. your friend definitely is. the employee probably just wanted to know if you rent your house or own it but the way he worded the question totally merited the "i bought it" answer. you didn't want to get more personal than that, but your friend decided to start playing games. is she normally competitive with you? because that's what it sounds like. this whole thing is just weird and uncomfortable. i am sorry about the circumstances for your home ownership.
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nta. holy crap, what would possess anyone to say this then *grin*?! i would argue that any person that revels in pointing out your deep personal loss to one up you to a total stranger is not your friend.
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nta. your friend started the “let’s tell the truth” game, not your fault if you played along.
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nta
what a gross thing to say. why do people have such an issue with others inheriting? their parents died ffs. you were so within your rights to snap back like that and i’m glad you did.
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“she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn’t afford to own without her parents help.”
can she not see the absolute obvious thing that you both only own homes because you got them from your parents? you’re in similar situations to each other overall. she was lucky hers were able to help her while they’re still alive. i’m sorry for your loss.
she was the one that felt compelled to share your personal information with a store worker for no good reason and then didn’t like it when you did the same to her. you wouldn’t have said anything if she hadn’t opened her mouth in the first place.
she needs to grow up and accept she is only a homeowner because she got help from her parents. there is no shame in this, given how awful the housing market is everywhere.
nta
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nta. how on earth are your friends split 50/50 on this? what is their logic? she was being all smug and gloating about the house you just inherited after a tragic loss!!! who does that? and then she wants to play the victim?? this woman is not your friend and anyone who can't see that she's the ah is just being weird.
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i am sorry for your loss, op
i would say nta because, frankly speaking, it does not matter in that situation how you got a home. an employee just tried to have a polite conversation and you answered in a way that is less awkward. your friend didn't have to pull that.
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the way i see it, you were gifted a house that your parents lived in, and she was gifted a house that her parents didn't live in. there's not much difference.
nta, but your 'friend' is and personally i'd be reevaluating this 'friendship'. friends don't try to one up each other, score points, or put you down.
you deserve better then this. if anyone spoke to me like that, it would definitely be the last time i ever went shopping with them.
what's so great about this upity b****, that she's worth the abuse? like others have said, she was just rude, and it was completely unsolicited.
>for the record
what record? in her head you are adversaries. imagine what she must think of you, for her to have to say that.
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nta. she was being needlessly rude.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the title sounds bad but hear me out. backstory: i (f28) have a friend (f28) who purchased a house late last year. it's an awesome 2 story town house and i've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. as mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. i truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. i recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks. the issue: we went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. we were standing with an employee who i had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if i was moving out as general chit chat. i told him i was moving, and he asked whether i bought or rented. i told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him i inherited the house. he told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that i had inherited my house, not purchased it. the employee went quiet and i gave her a "what was that" face. i was taken aback, she continued on saying "yeah, *i* purchased my house". i asked "does it really matter? i'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." she grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (you can probably see where this is going) i replied "oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." the employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. i caught up with her and she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. i returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." my partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the title sounds bad but hear me out. backstory: i (f28) have a friend (f28) who purchased a house late last year. it's an awesome 2 story town house and i've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. as mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. i truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. i recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks. the issue: we went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. we were standing with an employee who i had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if i was moving out as general chit chat. i told him i was moving, and he asked whether i bought or rented. i told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him i inherited the house. he told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that i had inherited my house, not purchased it. the employee went quiet and i gave her a "what was that" face. i was taken aback, she continued on saying "yeah, *i* purchased my house". i asked "does it really matter? i'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." she grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (you can probably see where this is going) i replied "oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." the employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. i caught up with her and she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. i returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." my partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50. [/INST] nta. she doesn't get to be catty and look down on you for how you each got your homes. it seems like an odd disconnect that she feels superior about it at all. </s>
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AITA for telling my stepdaughter to stop using period products in the bathroom she shares with my teenage sons?
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i have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. she’s 19, almost 20, and i have three sons aged 18, 16 and 15. she’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, i really enjoy having her around. my wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. my stepdaughters father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. all four children share a bathroom.
my sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long term girlfriends. they had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them.
my eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which i think is reasonable. my sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsisters period products on full display.
a few nights ago i went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university. my wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so i took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. i told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet.
she laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which i thought was just an unnecessary attack. i’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison. my sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. she went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which i think is just an excuse. i called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what i say goes.
i later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me i was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing. when i told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep.
this is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it. i asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. both of them have told me to stop being so silly but i don’t see how i’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable. aita?
update — not even two hours after i posted this, my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and i and gave us a full intensive “periods for pricks” course, powerpoint and all. it was a hoot, they made an interactive quiz and everything. my sons and i learned a lot and apologised to my stepdaughter. thankyou for your input
| 37,664 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h0a45w/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_to_stop_using/
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2020-06-10 12:42:51
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yta. sorry but what? i'm a guy and realize this is ridiculous. you need to help yourself and your son's become better men and accept that it's a natural process.
are you uncomfortable with your wife's use of the same? i assume not so teach your sons to be better.
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yta. how about you have a talk with your sons about periods instead of trying to shame a woman for bleeding.
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yta, dude.
instead of saying that a woman can't help having a period and they should be more understanding of her throwing away sanitary products in a place she's lived in without you for years, you doubled down on the sexism.
how dare you talk to a grown woman like that?
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yta. she threw them in the garbage where they belong. what do you think is going to happen if your sons marry a woman? are they going to ask their wives to hide something they cannot control? for fucks sake.
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yta, why don’t you build a menstrual hut in the backyard?
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yta. firstly you cannot flush a tampon. you will clog the toilet and hello plumber bills. secondly as long as she wraps it in toilet paper said "skidmarking sons" can suck it up.
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yta
your sons are way too old to be such sensitive little babies about a natural part of life. you shouldn’t he encouraging their idiocy. even if they are all gay and will never date a woman they should still understand this as part of life.
it’s her bathroom too. tampons are ready to be thrown out on their own. they don’t need to be covered and it’s worse for the environment to do so.
how is this even a debate? tell your kids to grow the fuck up and stop making their step-sister feel weird about a natural part of life.
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yta no, it is not reasonable to be disturbed by period products that are in a *trash can*. it's not like she's finger painting on the wall with her period blood. she's just disposing of her menstrual products. your sons need to grow up.
i understand their discomfort because they're young and not used to living with women. but what on earth is your excuse? and why would you want to encourage your sons to remain immature and childish about this?
you're also incredibly ignorant for suggesting that she should flush them. menstrual products are *never* supposed to be flushed.
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yta. geeze.
assuming they're straight, your sons will theoretically live with a woman in the future. they need to get over that now.
and she's right. you're not supposed to flush products. but this is something women have to deal with, so you can all get over it.
i could see perhaps asking her to wrap them in toilet paper first, if she's just tossing them unwrapped. or if she's using pads, to wrap them in the wrapper of the new one. or.... get a trash can with a lid. that would be the least wasteful option. but that's not what you asked. you wanted her to use diaper bags or flush them.
also, your "my house, my rules" attitude is pretty much the opposite of welcoming to your wife and stepdaughter. it makes it clear you don't consider them a part of your family, really.
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>i later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me i was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing.
it is almost like your wife has some experience with this scenario. maybe she would know better than you whether you can flush a tampon, for instance...
>when i told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep.
yeah, your sons need to get a grip. so do you.
it's blood. you can throw it in the trash. and as long as she does that, anyone calling her out on how her menstrual cycle is particularly iffy or gross or has cooties, or whatever, is the asshole.
yta
edit to add why this is not everybody sucks-territory:
>she laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which i thought was just an unnecessary attack. i’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison.
she did lash out. after she had just been told that her menstrual blood was somehow tainted and particularly vile, compared to other body functions. (and lets not go into how insanely old and misogynistic that idea is). if op thinks comparing blood smears to shit smears is being too harsh on the shit, then he has a serious problem was some internalized... wel, shit.
this is a grown woman being told that her menstrual cycle is something to be ashamed of, by a man who knows nothing about it and obviously has some serisouly shitty preconceptions about blood that comes from... gasp, a vagina! laughing in his face is the correct response.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. she’s 19, almost 20, and i have three sons aged 18, 16 and 15. she’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, i really enjoy having her around. my wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. my stepdaughters father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. all four children share a bathroom. my sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long term girlfriends. they had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them. my eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which i think is reasonable. my sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsisters period products on full display. a few nights ago i went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university. my wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so i took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. i told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet. she laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which i thought was just an unnecessary attack. i’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison. my sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. she went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which i think is just an excuse. i called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what i say goes. i later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me i was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing. when i told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep. this is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it. i asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. both of them have told me to stop being so silly but i don’t see how i’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable. aita? update — not even two hours after i posted this, my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and i and gave us a full intensive “periods for pricks” course, powerpoint and all. it was a hoot, they made an interactive quiz and everything. my sons and i learned a lot and apologised to my stepdaughter. thankyou for your input
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. she’s 19, almost 20, and i have three sons aged 18, 16 and 15. she’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, i really enjoy having her around. my wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. my stepdaughters father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. all four children share a bathroom. my sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long term girlfriends. they had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them. my eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which i think is reasonable. my sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsisters period products on full display. a few nights ago i went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university. my wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so i took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. i told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet. she laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which i thought was just an unnecessary attack. i’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison. my sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. she went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which i think is just an excuse. i called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what i say goes. i later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me i was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing. when i told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep. this is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it. i asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. both of them have told me to stop being so silly but i don’t see how i’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable. aita? update — not even two hours after i posted this, my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and i and gave us a full intensive “periods for pricks” course, powerpoint and all. it was a hoot, they made an interactive quiz and everything. my sons and i learned a lot and apologised to my stepdaughter. thankyou for your input [/INST] yta. sorry but what? i'm a guy and realize this is ridiculous. you need to help yourself and your son's become better men and accept that it's a natural process. are you uncomfortable with your wife's use of the same? i assume not so teach your sons to be better. </s>
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AITA for telling an employee she can choose between demotion or termination?
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i own a vape shop. we're a small business, only 12 employees.
one of my employees, peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. peggy has recently been promoted to manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. i really thought she could handle the responsibility.
so, i wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and i have 22 notifications on the store facebook page. customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out.
i call peggy, and get no response. i text her, same thing. so i go in and open the store. an hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back.
i ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". i'm still pretty pissed at this point, but i'm trying to be understanding, as i know how important mental health can be. so i ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. her response: "i didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.".
frankly, idk what that means. but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the am.
so i told her that she had two choices:
1) go back to her old position, with her old pay.
2) i fire her completely.
she's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says i'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender.
none of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. i would have got up and opened the store on time. but this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business.
i think i might be the ah here, because i **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over.
but at the same time, she really could have called me.
so, reddit, i leave it to you: am i the asshole?
| 37,443 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/onxses/aita_for_telling_an_employee_she_can_choose/
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2021-07-20 08:11:50
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nta
you aren't taking it away because of her gender or poor mental health
you are reacting to her not following the sickness policy of contacting you before her shift
tbh not showing up or contacting anyone i wouldn't have been giving her the choice (however check that legally you are ok with that)
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the "spoons" thing is referring to spoon theory. a psychological theory regarding the amount of energy it takes someone to perform a task. in this example, a "normal" person might need 1 spoon yo call out, but someone with mental/chronic illness might need 4. essentially a way of explaining that it can be harder to do things when you have mental illnesses, in a quantifiable way.
that being said, as a neurodivergent person, it is complete and utter bullshit that she didn't make herself call you. it isn't just her shirking a responsibility. it is her making a decision that effects your livelihood and the livelihood of 12 other people. not to mention the way she effected the customers, cause how many more tried to come to the store and didn't say anything on the fb?
if she didn't have enough spoons to work, fine. but if she can't be trusted to uphold her managerial duties, mental health or otherwise, she doesn't deserve that responsibility. she doesn't deserve the raise and title that go with it. nta
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nta. i'm a manager as well and fully believe in the importance of mental health days and taking care of your mental wellbeing as much as your physical wellbeing.
however, an employee just going awol like that is not ok. if they didn't have the spoons to call, they should have gotten a trusted friend or family member to call instead. or texted and thrown their phone across the room.
i would happily make a last minute callout work. damaging the business by no-showing is not ok but i'd have a serious talk with her about responsibilities and be frank about your expectations.
it's the same as someone calling out half an hour before opening because they've gotten sudden onset diarrhoea. just call or text or tell someone you can't make it.
basically, don't demote or fire her but put her on a type of probation and make it explicitly clear that you value her wellbeing but she can't no show.
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nta. you don’t have enough spoons in your drawer to deal with incompetent managers.
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nta, her being irresponsible cost your business money.
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has she no-showed as a cashier before? was this totally new behavior for her?
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[deleted]
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>i think i might be the ah here, because i am taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over.
actually taking a mental health day was not the problem, the problem is she preformed a no call no show. what has made her no call no show more egregious is that she was the opening manager. when you are the person responsible for opening a place of business, you are even more of an a h for not calling in.
nta
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major red flag when she throws the -ists, discrimination and gender cards. toxic people like that are better not in the workplace, let alone management. nta
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personally, i would not have given her the option of her old job back. i would have politely fired her over the telephone and been done with her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i own a vape shop. we're a small business, only 12 employees. one of my employees, peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. peggy has recently been promoted to manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. i really thought she could handle the responsibility. so, i wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and i have 22 notifications on the store facebook page. customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out. i call peggy, and get no response. i text her, same thing. so i go in and open the store. an hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back. i ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". i'm still pretty pissed at this point, but i'm trying to be understanding, as i know how important mental health can be. so i ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. her response: "i didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.". frankly, idk what that means. but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the am. so i told her that she had two choices: 1) go back to her old position, with her old pay. 2) i fire her completely. she's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says i'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender. none of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. i would have got up and opened the store on time. but this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business. i think i might be the ah here, because i **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over. but at the same time, she really could have called me. so, reddit, i leave it to you: am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i own a vape shop. we're a small business, only 12 employees. one of my employees, peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. peggy has recently been promoted to manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. i really thought she could handle the responsibility. so, i wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and i have 22 notifications on the store facebook page. customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out. i call peggy, and get no response. i text her, same thing. so i go in and open the store. an hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back. i ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". i'm still pretty pissed at this point, but i'm trying to be understanding, as i know how important mental health can be. so i ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. her response: "i didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.". frankly, idk what that means. but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the am. so i told her that she had two choices: 1) go back to her old position, with her old pay. 2) i fire her completely. she's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says i'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender. none of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. i would have got up and opened the store on time. but this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business. i think i might be the ah here, because i **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over. but at the same time, she really could have called me. so, reddit, i leave it to you: am i the asshole? [/INST] nta you aren't taking it away because of her gender or poor mental health you are reacting to her not following the sickness policy of contacting you before her shift tbh not showing up or contacting anyone i wouldn't have been giving her the choice (however check that legally you are ok with that) </s>
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AITA for telling my family that if they gift us money for our wedding, there will be no "strings attached" or we will politely decline it?
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i fucking hate wedding culture.
it's bullshit.
my fiance and i thought we would escape the bullshit and money by having a small thing. well, family started trying to throw money at us to make it bigger and more spectacular. we were surprised, but it was a good surprise.
then the demands started coming out. they wanted this, they wanted that, they wanted this person to come, these colors, dresses can't do this, this person has to be flower girl, this person has to be a groomsman, etc etc. suddenly it didn't feel like our wedding, but an excuse for our families to have a family reunion.
we put our foot down and said:
>thank you all for your kindness and generosity when it comes to our wedding. unfortunately, it looks like we may not have been on the same page as the rest of you. when we were offered money for this wedding, we did not realize it came with strings attached. with so many requests and so many demands from people we didn't expect would think they had a say in *our* wedding, we have decided to give everyone their money back.
>
>our understanding of what a gift is must be very different.
>
>if you would like to give us money without strings attached or requests or demands, we will gracefully accept it. but if you believe a gift should come with stipulations, we must regretfully, and politely decline.
this has caused an epic shitstorm. such to the point where i have people saying they will never come to our wedding (honestly, not the worse thing in the world), that we are spoiled, we're assholes, etc etc etc. my parents are rather upset about it, but hers (who never made any demands and gave us a small cash gift) said we did the right thing.
we are halfway to canceling the whole party and just absconding into the wilderness to do the wedding the way we want.
aita? (are we?)
| 37,269 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c8uwj2/aita_for_telling_my_family_that_if_they_gift_us/
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2019-07-03 22:52:45
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nta, this is the exact reason people elope.
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nta
> that we are spoiled
"we're spoiled because you cant get what you want at our wedding?"
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nta. that's how gifts work. i vote ditch the whole ceremony and do a small destination wedding just the two ish of you
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i fear that weddings have gone from being a celebration of the beginning of a life together to an “everyone cater to my every whim and make me queen for a day and idk, may divorce later.” (op, not referencing your wedding in particular, your circumstances are your own and if a reasonable representation of your family, you’re nta.” i’ve just been reading so much on aita about wedding drama....
the reason many parents want to invite people is because we are supposed to celebrate one another’s achievements and blessings. “back in my day” my family attended weddings (which always included children) of cousins and neighbors’ children, kids of coworkers, etc. good friends and family participated in other families’ events, kids’ birthday parties, engagement parties ... and watched kids grow from first steps to high school graduation, college sometimes and into married life to repeat the cycle. weddings took place in the local parish and receptions in an attached party hall or even someone’s home.
now, perhaps because people move farther away and more often, kids are more independent, parents already spending so much on college that they can’t foot the whole bill, etc , couples are paying for their own weddings and it’s morphing into a “this is our grand gala” instead of a contemplation of a life together. moms and dads want to celebrate with their friends, too. raising kids is a long and stressful ride and marrying that child off to their forever mate signals a sense of, “phew! we did it! we can rest easy while they ride off into the sunset with one another to help them navigate the waters from here on.” it really does take a village.
guests are not supposed to be so grateful they were even invited that they give a gift of a value equal or greater to the cost of their dinner - the bride and groom are supposed to circulate at the reception and graciously thank the guests for sharing in their joy. wedding parties are supposed to be made up of the loved ones who helped the little girl and little boy grow into that kind of adult that would make a loving spouse, not the “pretty enough but not prettier than the bride“ girls that they’ve known for a year or so and have to cut their hair, pay $250 for their makeup session and are rich enough to throw some destination hen party extravaganza.
i vote for more elopements and more 20-year anniversary parties- where there’s no question anymore if it’s forever and a pretty dress that doesn’t cost $20k. i know, i’m kind of old and not too woke but i want my kids to know that the person they’ve chosen is the person with which they dream of growing old and if it’s done in a courtroom, a vegas chapel or westminster abbey, that it’s forever.
end of rant - thanks if you read it :)
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my favorite part of the whole post? the constant use of we. you and your bride. we are choosing this. we have responded thus. you are on the path to a wonderful partnership - off to the wilderness with you and have a wonderful life together.
obviously nta
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[deleted]
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nta.....that money was not a gift
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nta, a gift is a gift
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> our understanding of what a gift is must be very different.
i think the only part of this message that rubbed me wrong (and i'm not even involved) was this part.
it wasn't necessary.
people would still get angry but i think that 1 line made it extra worse.
you're nta for what it's worth. just my 2 cents about it
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nta, weddings and funerals are when you learn who your true fam is.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i fucking hate wedding culture. it's bullshit. my fiance and i thought we would escape the bullshit and money by having a small thing. well, family started trying to throw money at us to make it bigger and more spectacular. we were surprised, but it was a good surprise. then the demands started coming out. they wanted this, they wanted that, they wanted this person to come, these colors, dresses can't do this, this person has to be flower girl, this person has to be a groomsman, etc etc. suddenly it didn't feel like our wedding, but an excuse for our families to have a family reunion. we put our foot down and said: >thank you all for your kindness and generosity when it comes to our wedding. unfortunately, it looks like we may not have been on the same page as the rest of you. when we were offered money for this wedding, we did not realize it came with strings attached. with so many requests and so many demands from people we didn't expect would think they had a say in *our* wedding, we have decided to give everyone their money back. > >our understanding of what a gift is must be very different. > >if you would like to give us money without strings attached or requests or demands, we will gracefully accept it. but if you believe a gift should come with stipulations, we must regretfully, and politely decline. this has caused an epic shitstorm. such to the point where i have people saying they will never come to our wedding (honestly, not the worse thing in the world), that we are spoiled, we're assholes, etc etc etc. my parents are rather upset about it, but hers (who never made any demands and gave us a small cash gift) said we did the right thing. we are halfway to canceling the whole party and just absconding into the wilderness to do the wedding the way we want. aita? (are we?)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i fucking hate wedding culture. it's bullshit. my fiance and i thought we would escape the bullshit and money by having a small thing. well, family started trying to throw money at us to make it bigger and more spectacular. we were surprised, but it was a good surprise. then the demands started coming out. they wanted this, they wanted that, they wanted this person to come, these colors, dresses can't do this, this person has to be flower girl, this person has to be a groomsman, etc etc. suddenly it didn't feel like our wedding, but an excuse for our families to have a family reunion. we put our foot down and said: >thank you all for your kindness and generosity when it comes to our wedding. unfortunately, it looks like we may not have been on the same page as the rest of you. when we were offered money for this wedding, we did not realize it came with strings attached. with so many requests and so many demands from people we didn't expect would think they had a say in *our* wedding, we have decided to give everyone their money back. > >our understanding of what a gift is must be very different. > >if you would like to give us money without strings attached or requests or demands, we will gracefully accept it. but if you believe a gift should come with stipulations, we must regretfully, and politely decline. this has caused an epic shitstorm. such to the point where i have people saying they will never come to our wedding (honestly, not the worse thing in the world), that we are spoiled, we're assholes, etc etc etc. my parents are rather upset about it, but hers (who never made any demands and gave us a small cash gift) said we did the right thing. we are halfway to canceling the whole party and just absconding into the wilderness to do the wedding the way we want. aita? (are we?) [/INST] nta, this is the exact reason people elope. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my parents that their polyamory fucked up my childhood?
| 37,157 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihp8sc/aita_for_yelling_at_my_parents_that_their/
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2020-08-27 17:22:52
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nta, do not back down and allow them to get you to recant, op. notice that they said “we’re sorry you feel this way”, not “we’re sorry for doing xyz”. they gave you a non-apology. for making your childhood basically a wallflower to an orgy, no less.
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nta it wasn't your parents polyamory that f*cked you up though it was there bad parenting. they allowed strange adults around you all the time and neglected you when those strangers were around, they put you in potentially dangerous situations by doing so.
having a committed poly partner who is not a stranger and known to you prob would have been fine, but a string of randoms or new people that would seriously mess with any kid.
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nta. really? they would leave complete strangers in the house without them for you to come home to? they made their sex lives front and center and their priority. any child would resent that.
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nta
upside, your parents seem to be ah through obliviousness and neglect and might be open to apologizing and trying to fix what they can. maybe message your dad that you are not in a place to talk at the moment and will get back to them, then talk to your therapist and develop a timeline for when and how you can talk.
as to not bringing it up before: parents do not get the luxury of assuming everything is okay because the kid never complained. parents have to ask, they have to check, and they have to find ways of communicating if the kid can't talk to them. your parents screwed up, kids cannot be expected to know something is wrong or know how to communicate it.
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nta. and be careful that this wanting a nice calm chat isn’t just your parents getting you in their house then trying to bully you into taking part in their documentary. they were totally neglectful people who deserve all you anger.
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nta.
poly did not mess you up. their way of poly messed you up. i have seen this go good and bad from friends.
try to speak with your parents. if they don't know how hard it hit you, they cannot try to make amends.
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nta the fact that you could come home and find random people there is concerning, what if the person was dangerous?
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nta your feelings are so real and valid. they were so wrapped up in their own lives they couldn’t see what they were doing to you. you saying it to them may have made them realize they had neglected you.
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nta.
i'll preface this by admitting i don't know too much about the dynamics of polyamorous relationships, and i have no desire to entertain one. that much being said, what consenting adults do in their own time is entirely their business.
your parents are still in the wrong, though.
as is the case with any parent, introducing a partner to a child is a delicate process. furthermore, that parent needs to ensure that this new relationship doesn't change the dynamic of the preexisting relationship they have with their children. they owe it to their children to be parents before they owe their partner anything.
your parents completely failed to integrate these people into your lives in a healthy way and prioritized their romantic relationships before their relationship with you as parents. furthermore, by allowing these people in and out of your life like this, you were forced to grow up in an extremely volatile and unstructured environment. honestly? coming home to strangers in your house could be downright traumatic! it could be dangerous! it's completely unacceptable.
anyway! your father's apology wasn't genuine. he wasn't apologizing for his behavior; he feigned sympathy and simultaneously pinned this on you and your feelings. this communicates to me that he doesn't regret his actions, doesn't see fault in them, and probably isn't ready to consider your perspective. only when he and your mother are ready to openly reflect on their decisions as parents will they be ready for this conversation. otherwise, you're wasting your time.
you're not mad at them for being polyamorous. you're mad at them for prioritizing their partners over you and failing to provide a structured upbringing in a stable environment.
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nta. not sure why everyone is tripping over themselves to say they’re pro-poly and it was just that your parents that did it wrong? seems invalidating. you’re not obligated to like the lifestyle if you had a bad experience.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta, do not back down and allow them to get you to recant, op. notice that they said “we’re sorry you feel this way”, not “we’re sorry for doing xyz”. they gave you a non-apology. for making your childhood basically a wallflower to an orgy, no less. </s>
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AITA for doing weird/awkward poses whenever my MIL "accidently" walks in on me in the bathroom?
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so, my mil (i'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas.
the problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while i'm in the bathroom. thankfully not once has she seen me naked because i started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week.
she'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. i tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? she's faaaammmillly!!". he seriously said that!.
we have a lock and i could've used it but i have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when i was 5.
so i came up with this idea. i'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? it's deliberate at the this point). when she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. for example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). i could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what i was doing. it was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". i cleared things up and revealed the reason why. my husband was livid. he called me childish and said that i made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. he said i should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games.
edit. lol. um what? i just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? omg now i feel embarrassed glad i went anonymous lol. but seriously...i'm looking at my screen and am like ....i'm famous? seriously though...my husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. he still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. i'm not sure if i will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that i couldn't use the lock. it's still feels wrong what she did and maybe i'm wrong too but at least i got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, i'm sure thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. especially after what happened. lol.
| 36,942 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z3jp34/aita_for_doing_weirdawkward_poses_whenever_my_mil/
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2022-11-24 13:16:12
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nta.
you went the funny way and that's dope.
your husband, however, is an asshole. he expects you to be mature about it, but he doesn't expect his mother to knock on the fucking door before walking in?
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wait....
so he's mad at you because she barges in on you in the bathroom... in your home... that she is a guest in?
but-
gets mad at you for weirding her out and causing her 'grief'?
what 😂😂😂 um. it's her fault. she should be knocking and not acting like no one lives there and it's her own house.
girl. go get some jelly. red if you can. and smother it on your face and when she walks in. eat it like a caveman. then when your husband asks.... you was stress eating. 😂😂
nta.
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humor her
stop posing, but look at your watch seriously while facing the door like you’re waiting for a kid after curfew.
then sigh disappointedly and shake your head “14 seconds mil. that’s terrible. you will need to do better”
alternatively- shove a towel under the door
nta
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tell them your ritual is to summon mil to the bathroom and it's working every time. nta
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nta. who opens a closed bathroom door? your mil is such an asshole. this is the weirdest power play to continually walk in on you in the bathroom. your next pose should be facing the door giving her two middle fingers
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walking in on somebody doing a ballet pose in the bathroom is "terrifying", but barging in on your dil and making eye contact while she squeezes out a dookie after being told repeatedly not to barge into the bathroom is normal behaviour?
getting real sick of these spineless partners who can't stand up to their moms.
nta.
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nta. i would just wait with my phone and take a picture of her as she barges in. post it on fb with “mil walking in on me in the bathroom again lol!” “i don’t know, she just always does it!”
keep it light. you don’t have to shame her. others will.
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nta. your hubby is full of crap! that's an inventive and humorous way of dealing with his creeper of a mother. you're all adults. most adults know when the bathroom door is shut not to go in!
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nta, although you really might want to go to therapy about the no locks thing, because this situation would have been *infinitely* simpler if you could've just done that. nonetheless, your mil needs to learn to knock. more importantly, your *husband* needs to quit making excuses for why mil hasn't started knocking yet and tell her to quit barging in on you if she doesn't want to see things she isn't supposed to see.
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this is a great funny type of revenge you gave me a good chuckly
you are nta
however maybe you should get therapy about locking a door, not just for this but at least you can put issues behind you then
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, my mil (i'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas. the problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while i'm in the bathroom. thankfully not once has she seen me naked because i started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week. she'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. i tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? she's faaaammmillly!!". he seriously said that!. we have a lock and i could've used it but i have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when i was 5. so i came up with this idea. i'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? it's deliberate at the this point). when she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. for example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). i could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what i was doing. it was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". i cleared things up and revealed the reason why. my husband was livid. he called me childish and said that i made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. he said i should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games. edit. lol. um what? i just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? omg now i feel embarrassed glad i went anonymous lol. but seriously...i'm looking at my screen and am like ....i'm famous? seriously though...my husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. he still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. i'm not sure if i will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that i couldn't use the lock. it's still feels wrong what she did and maybe i'm wrong too but at least i got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, i'm sure thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. especially after what happened. lol.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, my mil (i'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas. the problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while i'm in the bathroom. thankfully not once has she seen me naked because i started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week. she'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. i tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? she's faaaammmillly!!". he seriously said that!. we have a lock and i could've used it but i have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when i was 5. so i came up with this idea. i'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? it's deliberate at the this point). when she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. for example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). i could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what i was doing. it was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". i cleared things up and revealed the reason why. my husband was livid. he called me childish and said that i made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. he said i should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games. edit. lol. um what? i just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? omg now i feel embarrassed glad i went anonymous lol. but seriously...i'm looking at my screen and am like ....i'm famous? seriously though...my husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. he still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. i'm not sure if i will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that i couldn't use the lock. it's still feels wrong what she did and maybe i'm wrong too but at least i got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, i'm sure thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. especially after what happened. lol. [/INST] nta. you went the funny way and that's dope. your husband, however, is an asshole. he expects you to be mature about it, but he doesn't expect his mother to knock on the fucking door before walking in? </s>
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AITA For Not Baking Much For My Family
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i [16m] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. i also got super super into baking around that time. i bake a lot. my girlfriend loves desserts. so i've given her a ton of stuff i bake, all kinds of different stuff. i often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. i honestly love baking way more than eating it. my girlfriend is the opposite.
well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. she had counted every thing i baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after i baked her, her 100th dessert. it was filled with a picture of every dessert i've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. she wrote a paragraph about each item i baked. each item was dated too. she had been working on this for 2 years. she also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. it was the sweetest gift i've ever gotten and i honestly cried.
i showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. they were angry i've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. i just got into this habit and i loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts.
| 36,803 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gcr7vr/aita_for_not_baking_much_for_my_family/
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2020-05-03 14:10:08
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nta - you and your girlfriend sound sweet and your family sounds bitter
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nta. as a fellow baker fuck them. it's really annoying when you have a skill and family thinks they're entitled to the benefits of said skill. had my brother's dad expect me to make a wedding cake for his daughter at one point. for free mind you.
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and look how much gf appreciated what you had been doing. she secretly made a scrapbook for you of everything you made for her. now that is sweet and you are nta!
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given you’re living at home and your mum and sister had to have been at least somewhat aware of the frequency of your baking (100 dishes in two years seems like roughly once a week... often enough to be noticeable) it’s really strange to me that they’re just deciding to be mad about this now. surely if this was a real issue it could have been raised much earlier. nta.
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paragraph 1: wholesome
paragraph 2: even more wholesome, why is this on this sub?!
paragraph 3: but why didn't you make **me** dessert????!!!!
nta
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aww i’m imagining a 14 year old baking and another 14 year old taking pictures and writing it all down. warms my heart.
your family definitely won’t appreciate your baking like your girlfriend does.
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info - who buys your ingredients? is it your parents or do you have a job/allowance you use?
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nta - it’s your choice to bake for whoever you want. if they want to bake/spend time with you they should ask.
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nta, but your girlfriend is so cute and sweet that i can’t even focus on how big of assholes your family is.
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nta - that was an amazing and thoughtful present and it seems like your mom and sis are being incredibly jealous
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i [16m] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. i also got super super into baking around that time. i bake a lot. my girlfriend loves desserts. so i've given her a ton of stuff i bake, all kinds of different stuff. i often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. i honestly love baking way more than eating it. my girlfriend is the opposite. well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. she had counted every thing i baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after i baked her, her 100th dessert. it was filled with a picture of every dessert i've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. she wrote a paragraph about each item i baked. each item was dated too. she had been working on this for 2 years. she also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. it was the sweetest gift i've ever gotten and i honestly cried. i showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. they were angry i've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. i just got into this habit and i loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i [16m] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. i also got super super into baking around that time. i bake a lot. my girlfriend loves desserts. so i've given her a ton of stuff i bake, all kinds of different stuff. i often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. i honestly love baking way more than eating it. my girlfriend is the opposite. well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. she had counted every thing i baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after i baked her, her 100th dessert. it was filled with a picture of every dessert i've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. she wrote a paragraph about each item i baked. each item was dated too. she had been working on this for 2 years. she also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. it was the sweetest gift i've ever gotten and i honestly cried. i showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. they were angry i've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. i just got into this habit and i loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts. [/INST] nta - you and your girlfriend sound sweet and your family sounds bitter </s>
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AITA for literally showing my dad how he behaves everyday when he gets home from work?
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my f16 father m46 is the "breadwinner" while mom is a sahm. she handles everything around the house like cooking, mopping, washing, laundry, etc. i'm the oldest and i try to help but really there's only so much i can do while my dad just gets home at the end of the day and literally complains about everything. like how the carpet isn't clean or how the food is cold.
as a result; i'd have to listen to a huge argument daily between him and mom. it's exhausting but honestly...i think that my dad is in the wrong here. i tried talking to him to get him to see how his behavior is but to no avail.
so what i did was pick a day off for him and pretend to act like him. i put together an outfit that looked like a suit and put black tape over my lips to look like a mustache. at 6pm. i went inside the house. shouted "i'm home!!" then sat next to him in the living room and started kicking my shoes while complaining about the state of the house at the top of my lungs. he glanced at me confused asking what i was doing. i ignored him then started yelling about the carpet being dirty, shower not ready, the kids needing to be quiet and so on.
he kept staring while mom and my siblings laughed. my youngest brother kept pointing towards me saying "this is daddy". i then proceeded to yell about dinner then berated my mom for not preparing ut before time. my dad stopped me and in a serious tone asked what i was doing. i turned to him and said "what?! can't a man effing rest after working long hours!!" in the most macho voice i could muster. my dad got the hint because this was the common phrase he uses daily. he went quiet and avoided looking at me. i stopped the act and told him i was trying to show him what he's like everyday when he comes home from work. he said nothing, just went outside and refused to speak to me.
later he went on about how i "mocked" and invalidated him. that he does work hard and me doing this was disrespectful and invalidating. mom said it was funny but also thought i hurt my dad's feelings and i could've gotten the message across some other way instead.
aita?
| 36,730 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xe62pq/aita_for_literally_showing_my_dad_how_he_behaves/
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2022-09-14 16:15:55
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nta. you held up a mirror to his behavior, and he didn't like what he saw. that's on him. i hope he gets the message.
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nta first off but i think you have a good chance here.
listen please - you can acknowledge “hey dad, i know that probably did hurt your feelings and i’m sorry. of course you work hard and provide for us and we appreciate it, but i want you to see that your behavior hurts moms feelings, hurts the family.”
the fact he went quiet, instead of exploding in anger, to me says there is hope! like many, many dudes his age he struggles to process those emotions, but he recognized he was feeling more embarrassed / hurt than angry it seems.
the key is to understand and withhold judgement, to re center the convo on not just his pain, but everyone’s feeling pain, and moving forward.
that’s tough, and you’re a kid, it’s not your responsibility to do it. you would be morally justified to say f off. but i always ask do you wanna win, or be right?
being right often feels hallow. i hope you win!
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i am going to go with nta. this is genius!
he didn't hear your words or your moms words the many times you both told him the issues. instead, you made him "watch himself" and people don't like when a mirror is held up to their actions.
as well, you are 16, and it is not your job to help regulate your parents emotions. if your dad feels bad, that is on him.
your other methods fell on deaf ears, this one appeared to hit home.
good for you, op.
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this is *absolutely* hilarious and well-deserved and sometimes, people need to *see* how they're behaving reflected back at them to truly understand.
good job. nta
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lmao, nta. dad’s just clued into how toxic he’s being without realizing he was being toxic. i expect dad to still be broody for a whiles but now would be a good time to have a sit down with him if he’s cooled off enough explaining how you feel, and how you feel he treats your mom.
and most importantly, what he’s showing to your sibling and showing them it’s okay to be like this, when it isn’t.
breadwinner doesn’t mean you get to throw your weight around as soon as you get home. breadwinner with a sah parent should ultimately be praising the sah parent for continually keeping the place tidy, and taking care of cooking/children.
maybe this is the wake up call your father needs.
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nta.
all you did was show him how he is. if it was embarrassing for him, well he shouldn't act that way then. fuck any one that pulls the "*well he pays for the house*", that's boomer talk. him paying for the house doesn't make you a slave and *he* also chose to have a family.
everyone has their role in the family. you don't go to his office and yell about how things aren't a certain way, he doesn't get to do that coming home.
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nta
you held up a mirror, and he didn't like what he saw.
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nta
maybe have a conversation with him about what you should look for in a husband, when the time comes. make him spell out what a good husband does and doesn't do. ask a lot of specific questions. thing is, he probably wants good things for you.
the good news is that he was embarassed instead of just angry. there may be hope yet.
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nta.
you tried to get the message across in other ways but he didn’t get it. so you tried a new way. seems like he got the message this time.
while he does work hard so does your mom. him coming home and complaining every day invalidate your mom and the hard work she does.
maybe he’ll be nicer in the future.
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nta and have a round of applause
👏🏻
👏🏻 👏🏻
👏🏻 👏🏻
👏🏻 👏🏻
👏🏻
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my f16 father m46 is the "breadwinner" while mom is a sahm. she handles everything around the house like cooking, mopping, washing, laundry, etc. i'm the oldest and i try to help but really there's only so much i can do while my dad just gets home at the end of the day and literally complains about everything. like how the carpet isn't clean or how the food is cold. as a result; i'd have to listen to a huge argument daily between him and mom. it's exhausting but honestly...i think that my dad is in the wrong here. i tried talking to him to get him to see how his behavior is but to no avail. so what i did was pick a day off for him and pretend to act like him. i put together an outfit that looked like a suit and put black tape over my lips to look like a mustache. at 6pm. i went inside the house. shouted "i'm home!!" then sat next to him in the living room and started kicking my shoes while complaining about the state of the house at the top of my lungs. he glanced at me confused asking what i was doing. i ignored him then started yelling about the carpet being dirty, shower not ready, the kids needing to be quiet and so on. he kept staring while mom and my siblings laughed. my youngest brother kept pointing towards me saying "this is daddy". i then proceeded to yell about dinner then berated my mom for not preparing ut before time. my dad stopped me and in a serious tone asked what i was doing. i turned to him and said "what?! can't a man effing rest after working long hours!!" in the most macho voice i could muster. my dad got the hint because this was the common phrase he uses daily. he went quiet and avoided looking at me. i stopped the act and told him i was trying to show him what he's like everyday when he comes home from work. he said nothing, just went outside and refused to speak to me. later he went on about how i "mocked" and invalidated him. that he does work hard and me doing this was disrespectful and invalidating. mom said it was funny but also thought i hurt my dad's feelings and i could've gotten the message across some other way instead. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my f16 father m46 is the "breadwinner" while mom is a sahm. she handles everything around the house like cooking, mopping, washing, laundry, etc. i'm the oldest and i try to help but really there's only so much i can do while my dad just gets home at the end of the day and literally complains about everything. like how the carpet isn't clean or how the food is cold. as a result; i'd have to listen to a huge argument daily between him and mom. it's exhausting but honestly...i think that my dad is in the wrong here. i tried talking to him to get him to see how his behavior is but to no avail. so what i did was pick a day off for him and pretend to act like him. i put together an outfit that looked like a suit and put black tape over my lips to look like a mustache. at 6pm. i went inside the house. shouted "i'm home!!" then sat next to him in the living room and started kicking my shoes while complaining about the state of the house at the top of my lungs. he glanced at me confused asking what i was doing. i ignored him then started yelling about the carpet being dirty, shower not ready, the kids needing to be quiet and so on. he kept staring while mom and my siblings laughed. my youngest brother kept pointing towards me saying "this is daddy". i then proceeded to yell about dinner then berated my mom for not preparing ut before time. my dad stopped me and in a serious tone asked what i was doing. i turned to him and said "what?! can't a man effing rest after working long hours!!" in the most macho voice i could muster. my dad got the hint because this was the common phrase he uses daily. he went quiet and avoided looking at me. i stopped the act and told him i was trying to show him what he's like everyday when he comes home from work. he said nothing, just went outside and refused to speak to me. later he went on about how i "mocked" and invalidated him. that he does work hard and me doing this was disrespectful and invalidating. mom said it was funny but also thought i hurt my dad's feelings and i could've gotten the message across some other way instead. aita? [/INST] nta. you held up a mirror to his behavior, and he didn't like what he saw. that's on him. i hope he gets the message. </s>
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AITA for throwing my sister out of my house after she billed me?
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my sister is a trainwreck. she needed a place to stay and i have a large enough home for an extra person. she has no job or income. i told her she has a few months to get her shit together and leave. i give her about $100 a week to keep my house clean so she has some cash.
i gave my sister her $100 and she said i owed her more. i was confused. she said she did other "work" for me. i asked her what more did she do? she said she walks my dog in the afternoon. i walk my dog every morning and evening. but she takes him with her on her afternoon walks. she said the going rate for a dogwalker is $25 per walk. 5 x $25 = $125 on top of the $100.
then she mentions she put together a scrapbook of personal letters and papers. according to her and etsy, that job was easily another $75.
i told her i never gave her permission to do those things. her argument is that those jobs fell under the umbrella of keeping the house clean and i was ripping her off.
so i threw her out.
the money isn't the issue. i have plenty of disposable income. i was disgusted how she came at me.
| 36,478 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iiqfnz/aita_for_throwing_my_sister_out_of_my_house_after/
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2020-08-29 10:48:00
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nta. i would have countered with a bill for food, rent and utilities.
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nta
do as she did. bill her for rent according to local housing prices, her share of water, electricity, internet, groceries ect.
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[removed]
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nta. put this in r/choosingbeggars
how she is actually begging: she got 100 bucks, remember that she is living in op’s house, also she gets money every week and she wants 125+ more?
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nta
my response?
"you know what sister, you're right. i do owe you for that time. so that's $250 right? now, for rent and utilities that's (going to use my own figures) $750 monthly. oh? that seems unfair? well that's half of my mortgage and half my utilities. you're right, that is unfair. that's an additional $150 surcharge for the parking lot, hoa fees, and groceries, another $60 for internet. so what are we at now? right, you owe me $960 and i owe you $250-- why don't i just take that out of what you owe me. so, $710 please."
you were doing her a favour and she tried to turn it into a professional agreement. if that's what she wants, the agreement of a employer/employee, then it comes with the stipulations that your living arrangement is now one of roommates, not sisters.
roommates pay rent, sisters get favours.
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nta. your sister is basically getting payed for living at your house, which i understand since shes family, but asking for more money because she did stuff that you didnt ask her to do is fucked. maybe you shouldnt have thrown her out but talk to her and stop giving her money. if she lives there, its normal she does chores.
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nta bill her for dog rental and craft therapy.
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give her the extra $125 a week and tell her she owes you $250 a week for rent.
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nta
she was trying to take you for a ride and it backfired on her. good riddance.
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if these "jobs" fall under the umbrella of house cleaning and you offered her $100 a week to clean house, then logically speaking, you paid her in full. the agreement was $100 a week to clean house, not $100 plus a bonus for extra work you didn't even ask for. nta.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister is a trainwreck. she needed a place to stay and i have a large enough home for an extra person. she has no job or income. i told her she has a few months to get her shit together and leave. i give her about $100 a week to keep my house clean so she has some cash. i gave my sister her $100 and she said i owed her more. i was confused. she said she did other "work" for me. i asked her what more did she do? she said she walks my dog in the afternoon. i walk my dog every morning and evening. but she takes him with her on her afternoon walks. she said the going rate for a dogwalker is $25 per walk. 5 x $25 = $125 on top of the $100. then she mentions she put together a scrapbook of personal letters and papers. according to her and etsy, that job was easily another $75. i told her i never gave her permission to do those things. her argument is that those jobs fell under the umbrella of keeping the house clean and i was ripping her off. so i threw her out. the money isn't the issue. i have plenty of disposable income. i was disgusted how she came at me.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister is a trainwreck. she needed a place to stay and i have a large enough home for an extra person. she has no job or income. i told her she has a few months to get her shit together and leave. i give her about $100 a week to keep my house clean so she has some cash. i gave my sister her $100 and she said i owed her more. i was confused. she said she did other "work" for me. i asked her what more did she do? she said she walks my dog in the afternoon. i walk my dog every morning and evening. but she takes him with her on her afternoon walks. she said the going rate for a dogwalker is $25 per walk. 5 x $25 = $125 on top of the $100. then she mentions she put together a scrapbook of personal letters and papers. according to her and etsy, that job was easily another $75. i told her i never gave her permission to do those things. her argument is that those jobs fell under the umbrella of keeping the house clean and i was ripping her off. so i threw her out. the money isn't the issue. i have plenty of disposable income. i was disgusted how she came at me. [/INST] nta. i would have countered with a bill for food, rent and utilities. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend to shut the fuck up after she insulted my sisters thighs?
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i’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being.
she is a really great kid and tbh i feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak english so i kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. hard to explain but i’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what i mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an english speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an english speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with.
anyway my girlfriend was facetiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. my ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less op, her thighs are kinda chunky’
i saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. my sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl.
literally. everybody. i. know. has been texting me that i’m a pos boyfriend and that how can i disrespect my gf like that. i am expecting an apology from her but to my shock everybody is expecting me to apologize.
so reddit, aita?
| 35,955 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fzvxw7/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_shut_the_fuck/
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2020-04-12 12:32:56
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nta.
12 year old girls are incredibly vulnerable to body image issues. you're absolutely right to shut down such comments immediately.
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nta and this is a huge red flag. why would you want to date someone that insulted your little sister like that?
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huge nta. body shaming a 12 year old is a low move.
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nta well done for standing up for your sister it's talk like that, that no young girl should ever be judged on. i just hope she's now your ex and that you never apologise!
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nta. your gf is a real piece of work for talking about a 12 y/o’s thighs. she needs to check herself.
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nta- your gf was out of line and being a female, she should know how much those snide comments, no matter how well intentioned affect you forever. you're sister's self confidence is more important than your girlfriend's ego
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nta
at 12, girls bodies are all over the place. making comments like that is just plain stupid. your girlfriend needs to apologise, and so do all the half-wits that sent you text messages.
now you know who your friends are, huh?
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nta!! who says that about a 12 year old girl? your girlfriend sounds like an awful and mean spirited person. if her friends are all defending her and coming down on you, then she has shitty friends too. your poor sister. i feel terrible for her. find a girlfriend who will treat your sister as her own and love her just as you do.
your girlfriend needs to go.
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esh your girlfriend was wrong and rude and you were right to address it immediately and showing your sister support. but jesus christ talk about overreaction. your girlfriend made an unwelcome comment about your sister, possibly thinking it would be between you two. she didn't came to her face to bully her. you're an adult, you should act like one.
also wtf with those "wow huuuuge red flag, burn bridges, break up, contact your lawyer" type comments. evrything isn't black or white guys.
edit :spelling
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feed her less?? who talks like that about anyone? who talks like that about a 12 year old? who says that to their boyfriend about his kid sister? your girlfriend is out of all sorts of lines! do not apologise.
could she be telling people a convenient version of the story that makes her sound better? i don’t see how anyone would see you as being the one in the wrong.
nta, your girlfriend is definitely ta
edited for typos and clarity
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being. she is a really great kid and tbh i feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak english so i kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. hard to explain but i’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what i mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an english speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an english speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with. anyway my girlfriend was facetiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. my ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less op, her thighs are kinda chunky’ i saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. my sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl. literally. everybody. i. know. has been texting me that i’m a pos boyfriend and that how can i disrespect my gf like that. i am expecting an apology from her but to my shock everybody is expecting me to apologize. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being. she is a really great kid and tbh i feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak english so i kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. hard to explain but i’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what i mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an english speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an english speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with. anyway my girlfriend was facetiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. my ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less op, her thighs are kinda chunky’ i saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. my sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl. literally. everybody. i. know. has been texting me that i’m a pos boyfriend and that how can i disrespect my gf like that. i am expecting an apology from her but to my shock everybody is expecting me to apologize. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. 12 year old girls are incredibly vulnerable to body image issues. you're absolutely right to shut down such comments immediately. </s>
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AITA For making my girlfriend homeless after she yelled at my little brother?
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i'm 25(m) and have lived with my girlfriend for the last few months. i pay rent and all bills because a few months ago she was kicked out of her parents home (that's a story for another time), although she also does have a job (she is horrible with her money and has no savings).
so a few weeks ago my little brother (10) moved in with me, and my grandparents said they were going to move overseas and could not take him - my parents passed a few years ago, and when they passed i was still in college and hence couldn't take him in, even though i loved him very much (still obviously do). when i got my own place, i felt it would be selfish to uproot his new home, so just left him with my grandparents. however, i visited him almost every day whilst he was living there.
when i informed my girlfriend of my little brother moving in, she was very angry, although she eventually calmed down and accepted it - probably because she realised she could do nothing about it.
my girlfriend has been quite aggressive to my little brother. my little brother is very shy and has anxiety issues, and often has panic attacks. therefore, the day before he came i told my girlfriend to be welcoming and make him feel wanted on her part.
however, the last few weeks have been very concerning. she has been very aggressive with my brother. yesterday, when he accidentally spilt his drink on my lap, she yelled at him and called him worthless. he started crying and kept apologising to her, whilst hugging me and hiding his head in shame.
i told her that she could no longer live with me given how she treated my brother. i was aware that by making her leave, that she would be homeless. however, my brother comes first.
aita for making her homeless without giving her time to sort out other arrangements?
edit#1: this is not a breakup post; i'm asking whether i'm an asshole for kicking someone out and making them homeless without notice because of her treatment of my brother.
edit#2: regarding my grandparents, they had been planning to move to their country of birth (finland) for years now. they had sorted all the details out before my parents died. they postponed it. they felt very guilty when they told me that they wanted to live their last years in their homeland, but i understood.
| 35,878 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elc7z5/aita_for_making_my_girlfriend_homeless_after_she/
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2020-01-07 14:27:21
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nta. looks like she really showed her true colors. lose her. your brother is freaking 10 with nowhere else to go. you did absolutely nothing wrong and are frankly and amazing older brother.
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nta - you didn’t make her homeless, she made herself homeless.
good looking out for your little bro,
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nta
your brother is literally a child, did she have a problem with you visiting him daily? i hope things start looking up for him, anxiety and panic attacks are a hell of a thing to have at 10.
if you follow through with kicking her out, i advise that you really have a mature conversation with your brother so he doesn't have misplaced guilt over thinking he is at fault in this situation.
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nta. your gf sounds cold, uncaring, selfish and cruel. your little brother has just saved you from a potential lifetime of pain and suffering if you had continued with her.
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nta if she’s a tenant there may be some legal stuff that requires you giver her notice.
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in lieu of some more background info, i kinda feel like esh a bit, except the kid of course. girlfriend, obvious reasons, i don't think i need to say anything on that front. but... maybe there's some extenuating circumstances, but taking in a kid and then being all, "see ya, heading overseas, can't take him!" sounds kinda douchey to me on your grandparents' part...
and then you - i think you suck the least of the adults here, as you're trying to do what's best for your brother, but did you ever let your girlfriend know that having to live with a ten year old was a likelihood in the near future when you and her moved in together? obviously she knew he was in your life, but... "this kid is living in our house now" is a hell of a thing to spring on someone. obviously she was a dick about it and the way she was treating him was not ok at *all* but if she had no warning i don't blame her for *feeling* upset. and the way you talk about it - "i informed my girlfriend of my little brother moving in", "she realised she could do nothing about it", makes it sound like you care *very* little for her feelings in the matter.
of course the fact that she was living with you rent-free and all further reduces how much you suck, she sucks the most by a long shot, then (unless they've got a really solid reason) your grandparents, and you are a *long* way down the sucky ranking.
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nta
this doesn't even have to be about your brother in particular. do you really want to be with someone as vile as her? just hurling verbal abuse at a child, your brother, in front of you so callously? she sounds absolutely horrible.
you didn't kick her out in my book, she got herself kicked out.
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[removed]
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this sub really needs the no validation post rule. 3rd one today where it is extremely obvious...
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do people really believe these stories?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 25(m) and have lived with my girlfriend for the last few months. i pay rent and all bills because a few months ago she was kicked out of her parents home (that's a story for another time), although she also does have a job (she is horrible with her money and has no savings). so a few weeks ago my little brother (10) moved in with me, and my grandparents said they were going to move overseas and could not take him - my parents passed a few years ago, and when they passed i was still in college and hence couldn't take him in, even though i loved him very much (still obviously do). when i got my own place, i felt it would be selfish to uproot his new home, so just left him with my grandparents. however, i visited him almost every day whilst he was living there. when i informed my girlfriend of my little brother moving in, she was very angry, although she eventually calmed down and accepted it - probably because she realised she could do nothing about it. my girlfriend has been quite aggressive to my little brother. my little brother is very shy and has anxiety issues, and often has panic attacks. therefore, the day before he came i told my girlfriend to be welcoming and make him feel wanted on her part. however, the last few weeks have been very concerning. she has been very aggressive with my brother. yesterday, when he accidentally spilt his drink on my lap, she yelled at him and called him worthless. he started crying and kept apologising to her, whilst hugging me and hiding his head in shame. i told her that she could no longer live with me given how she treated my brother. i was aware that by making her leave, that she would be homeless. however, my brother comes first. aita for making her homeless without giving her time to sort out other arrangements? edit#1: this is not a breakup post; i'm asking whether i'm an asshole for kicking someone out and making them homeless without notice because of her treatment of my brother. edit#2: regarding my grandparents, they had been planning to move to their country of birth (finland) for years now. they had sorted all the details out before my parents died. they postponed it. they felt very guilty when they told me that they wanted to live their last years in their homeland, but i understood.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm 25(m) and have lived with my girlfriend for the last few months. i pay rent and all bills because a few months ago she was kicked out of her parents home (that's a story for another time), although she also does have a job (she is horrible with her money and has no savings). so a few weeks ago my little brother (10) moved in with me, and my grandparents said they were going to move overseas and could not take him - my parents passed a few years ago, and when they passed i was still in college and hence couldn't take him in, even though i loved him very much (still obviously do). when i got my own place, i felt it would be selfish to uproot his new home, so just left him with my grandparents. however, i visited him almost every day whilst he was living there. when i informed my girlfriend of my little brother moving in, she was very angry, although she eventually calmed down and accepted it - probably because she realised she could do nothing about it. my girlfriend has been quite aggressive to my little brother. my little brother is very shy and has anxiety issues, and often has panic attacks. therefore, the day before he came i told my girlfriend to be welcoming and make him feel wanted on her part. however, the last few weeks have been very concerning. she has been very aggressive with my brother. yesterday, when he accidentally spilt his drink on my lap, she yelled at him and called him worthless. he started crying and kept apologising to her, whilst hugging me and hiding his head in shame. i told her that she could no longer live with me given how she treated my brother. i was aware that by making her leave, that she would be homeless. however, my brother comes first. aita for making her homeless without giving her time to sort out other arrangements? edit#1: this is not a breakup post; i'm asking whether i'm an asshole for kicking someone out and making them homeless without notice because of her treatment of my brother. edit#2: regarding my grandparents, they had been planning to move to their country of birth (finland) for years now. they had sorted all the details out before my parents died. they postponed it. they felt very guilty when they told me that they wanted to live their last years in their homeland, but i understood. [/INST] nta. looks like she really showed her true colors. lose her. your brother is freaking 10 with nowhere else to go. you did absolutely nothing wrong and are frankly and amazing older brother. </s>
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AITA for kicking out my girlfriend
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so i have a cat named raven who's 3 years old.
my girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat.
i didn't think it was really a big deal until one day i got home and he was just gone. he's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside.
he was gone for hours and i was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house.
i asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out.
i was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, i wanted her out of my house by the end of the month.
she cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. i said i didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month.
my friends think i'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and i don't want her trying anything else.
aita?
| 35,596 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qkntpa/aita_for_kicking_out_my_girlfriend/
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2021-11-01 21:06:27
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nta. the cat was there first.
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keep her away from your cat!
she's going to hurt him, i guarantee it.
let him stay with someone until she's gone.
nta- this chick is psycho!
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nta. she figured out how to live separately from you until a few weeks ago, she can figure it out again.
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end of the month?
i'd have put her out that very day
nta
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nta. this was bad but expect things to get worse every day she is still living there.
get her out now before she can inflict(intentional or unintentional) permanent harm to your cat.
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>she would have to live on the streets
like she did to the cat, kick him out to live on the streets.
nta
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eh, nta, but still i think there's alot of red flags in this relationship for her to just dump your cat
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nta. if she thinks it’s acceptable to do that with something as important as a pet, then she thinks she can do that with any aspect of your life she doesn’t like.
the cat is important, but almost irrelevant in the scope of red flags she’s throwing out.
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#**this is coming from a massive cat lover - please comment *without* calling anyone any names. violating comments will be removed and earn a ban.**
#[be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/about/rules/).
please review our [faq](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
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nta - indoor cats do not know how to fend for themselves outside. what she did was cruel - i wouldn’t want someone that thinks it’s okay to be cruel to animals near me. good riddance
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i have a cat named raven who's 3 years old. my girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat. i didn't think it was really a big deal until one day i got home and he was just gone. he's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside. he was gone for hours and i was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house. i asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out. i was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, i wanted her out of my house by the end of the month. she cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. i said i didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month. my friends think i'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and i don't want her trying anything else. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i have a cat named raven who's 3 years old. my girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat. i didn't think it was really a big deal until one day i got home and he was just gone. he's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside. he was gone for hours and i was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house. i asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out. i was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, i wanted her out of my house by the end of the month. she cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. i said i didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month. my friends think i'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and i don't want her trying anything else. aita? [/INST] nta. the cat was there first. </s>
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AITA for telling this college guy's mom that her coming into his interview cost him the job?
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i am a hiring manager at a tech company and i was hiring for summer internships a little while ago.
we had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. it was a virtual interview over zoom because of covid.
a minute or two in, when i was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. i thought it was a little strange. i said something polite about wanting to hear from him.
she just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. i asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short.
i thought that was all over and done with until i'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection.
it bothered me, i felt bad for the kid honestly. wayyy back when i was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when i was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when i was an adult applying for engineering jobs. but i felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own.
i sent an email back saying i was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. i also asked hr to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (it is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the covid craziness.)
anyway, after we sent that, i got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers.
i said that i could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. if he wanted to reach out to me i was happy to give him some feedback.
however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc.
i also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager i've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves.
she fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where i hung up.
aita for how i handled this? maybe i should have kept my mouth shut way earlier
| 35,463 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hukoub/aita_for_telling_this_college_guys_mom_that_her/
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2020-07-20 12:51:21
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nta
it’s probably better for the kid you told her directly, seeing as she clearly does not respect him enough to believe him if he disclosed she cost him the job.
she snapped at you because you gave her feedback that painted her in a poor light and she thought she did her son a wonderful favour. you’re probably the first person in a while to stand up to her.
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nta. helicopter mom needed to be put in her place. hopefully she learns. sadly, while i think its shitty someone gets put in the dnh pile for something like that; i can completely understand why. hopefully the young man can solve that issue and get hired on somewhere.
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bruh nta. i feel so bad for that poor guy (not for the job per se, but for his controlling mum), but you just did your job and she deserved the cold shower (and a reasonable dose of humility).
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nta. she needs to be told. maybe her son has told her or not but someone outside her bubble needs to be told.
i say this as someone who was in her son's shoes. my dad would do the same stupid stuff. he would call about interviews and job applications. he used to call out of work for me (if i sneezed on the phone or if he wanted to punish me or anything really, he'd call and say i wasn't coming in) and do other stuff that would intentionally or not sabotage my work. i used to sneak around when applying for job interviews and internships just so he wouldn't mess it up.
i long ago developed a policy of excluding both my parents from job stuff. my dad because he'd still do it no matter what and my mom because she will twll him anything i tell her. i'm in my 30s and they still can't know anything about my jobs.
thank you for telling the mom and please consider also telling the son.
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nta holy shit what was she thinking!? hopefully it eventually sinks in and she stops hovering over her adult son because it's not going to do him any favours. that's absolutely ridiculous.
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nta. this is a lawnmower parent. she hovers and attempts to mow down all obstacles in her son’s way. she needs to hear that, for his sake. i feel so badly for this kid. i hope he didn’t lose the job just because of her. if he did, though, it’s a hard lesson all the way around.
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>however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc.
i am also a hiring manager in tech, and while generally you're ok here, because of this line i'm quoting, a little bit ta here i think. your evaluation of a candidate should be solely focused on the candidate, not on externalities out of their control. if you're even considering hiring a 19 year old, you should really know a healthy majority of them are still basically children.
if you completely don't think he's qualified, all you needed was a carbon copy rejection email, wipe your hands, and walk away - you gain nothing by even responding to his mother. if you *did* think he was qualified, and ruled him out because his mother is a nutjob, that could have been better handled by using that same personal contact method you eventually rejected him by, and saying "i would like to interview you, but specifically, you alone." and then make a decision based on your perception of his fit for the job and talk to him directly about the issues you had with his mother and make it clear that won't fly in your work place.
you can't say in one breath you want a self-driven person, and call it an internship in another. internships are all about healthy mutual gain, and the one thing that most people that age will get out of it (aside from some meager salary) is an understanding of what it's like in the real work force and what responsibility means and start learning *how* to be self driven. your average freshman or sophomore in college has not driven themselves thus far, they have been directed, pointed, and groomed for an education they may not even know if they are sure they want. whatever token project you throw them or busywork is unlikely to matter in their career, but the larger picture will.
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nta at *all* but sadly i doubt that your advice will do any good since she probably won't tell her son what you said.
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nta- someone needed to tell her that and maybe coming for you she will take it seriously
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nta nope it’s super unprofessional to allow mommy into your interview. you could have potentially emailed him with an opportunity to schedule a make up interview sans mommy, if you saw some potential talent there but you were in no way obligated.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a hiring manager at a tech company and i was hiring for summer internships a little while ago. we had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. it was a virtual interview over zoom because of covid. a minute or two in, when i was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. i thought it was a little strange. i said something polite about wanting to hear from him. she just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. i asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short. i thought that was all over and done with until i'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection. it bothered me, i felt bad for the kid honestly. wayyy back when i was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when i was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when i was an adult applying for engineering jobs. but i felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own. i sent an email back saying i was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. i also asked hr to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (it is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the covid craziness.) anyway, after we sent that, i got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers. i said that i could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. if he wanted to reach out to me i was happy to give him some feedback. however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc. i also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager i've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves. she fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where i hung up. aita for how i handled this? maybe i should have kept my mouth shut way earlier
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a hiring manager at a tech company and i was hiring for summer internships a little while ago. we had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. it was a virtual interview over zoom because of covid. a minute or two in, when i was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. i thought it was a little strange. i said something polite about wanting to hear from him. she just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. i asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short. i thought that was all over and done with until i'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection. it bothered me, i felt bad for the kid honestly. wayyy back when i was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when i was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when i was an adult applying for engineering jobs. but i felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own. i sent an email back saying i was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. i also asked hr to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (it is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the covid craziness.) anyway, after we sent that, i got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers. i said that i could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. if he wanted to reach out to me i was happy to give him some feedback. however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc. i also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager i've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves. she fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where i hung up. aita for how i handled this? maybe i should have kept my mouth shut way earlier [/INST] nta it’s probably better for the kid you told her directly, seeing as she clearly does not respect him enough to believe him if he disclosed she cost him the job. she snapped at you because you gave her feedback that painted her in a poor light and she thought she did her son a wonderful favour. you’re probably the first person in a while to stand up to her. </s>
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AITA for not telling my wife that I picked her daughter up drunk from a house party?
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i'm going to try to keep this short and simple. i always tell my daughter and my stepdaughter if they're ever in a situation that they need to get out of, just call me and i'll drop whatever i'm doing and i will pick them up no questions asked no judgments made. i let them know that i used to be a teenager once before, i told them everyone is entitled to make bad decisions every now and then. we're only human and it's a part of life.
last weekend i got a call from my stepdaughter (17), she told me she snuck out of the house and went to a party and had too much to drink. she was scared of passing out at the party because there was people there she didn't know.
i got there just in time, she was so drunk she couldn't even walk. i had to pick her up and carry her to the car. i told her i was disappointed that she snuck out, but i also told her i was glad she made the right choice, the safe choice to have me pick her up.
i haven't told my wife about it, because i don't want to violate the deal i made with her. i want her to know that she can trust me. i just hope i'm making the right choice.
| 35,318 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwovur/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_that_i_picked_her/
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2019-06-04 13:46:38
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nah. just the fact that she felt she could call you, trust you not to fly off the handle, it's fantastic and i think more parents should learn from your example. you've gotten her out of such a dangerous situation. as for not telling your wife, there's no harm done, if her daughter did this again then perhaps think about mentioning it but making it clear she can't fly off of the handle if she wants her daughter to trust you both. again, fantastic parenting don't worry about being an asshole you really aren't.
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nah, but this is a tough one. the best course of action would have been too make your wife aware of the deal beforehand, and maybe even convince her to agree to it as well. then, you wouldn't have to keep secrets in your marriage.
as it stands, though, you can't really tell your wife without violating the deal you made, and it's important that your daughters are about to trust you.
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nah: but try to see if you can convince her to tell her mom herself with your help. it’ll let your wife know that she can trust the daughter and vice versa. that way you can provide judgement free guidance but continue to maintain transparency with your wife. plus, it will show her how to take responsibility for her actions.
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info: is your wife likely to freak out and/or punish the daughter for getting drunk at a party?
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nah i think you did right and you need to think about your stepdaughters trust if you tell her mum it will break it and she may hesitate to call you again.
i would talk to your step daughter and encourage her to mention it when she is ready to but say your lips are sealed if she doesnt want to.
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nta. you keeping your promise shows her that she can trust you in future situations. if you break that promise she may not trust you, and may not call again
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yta, although your heart is in the right place. this isn't the kind of secret you should keep from your wife, if you want to be a united front in terms of parenting.
you told your stepdaughter no questions asked and no judgments, but you didn't promise not to tell her mother, and you should tell her, because she should be on the same page with you as far as trust. would you be okay if your wife was keeping secrets about your daughter's behavior from you? even if you think you would be understanding, how would you feel about the fact that she didn't even give you a chance to make a decision about punishments?
you're also making her into the bad guy and you're now the "cool" parent by default, because your stepdaughter will assume that her mother will blow up at her while you'll let her get away with things. building trust with her daughter doesn't mean that you should be undermining your wife.
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nah - i think you did the right thing in picking up your stepdaughter and extending that trust. i think that opens the door for her to call you in the future if she gets into another situation, and she also feels safe enough to call someone instead of being afraid to and getting into a worse situation.
i don't know how angry your wife may be if she finds out that you didn't tell her about this, though. so if she does find out, you should be aware of the consequences with her. i think it would be wise to speak to your wife about this and see if both of you can come to an agreement to continue your deal with both girls. i'd also talk to your stepdaughter about it as well. i think all of you need to be on the same page.
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yta if you do not involve your wife in parenting her daughter. you're awesome for ensuring your stepdaughter had a safe call she could make.
this can have a positive effect if you tell your wife, provided she follows through on the no-questions/no-judgments aspect. your stepdaughter should know you've shared. it demonstrates co-parenting, a marriage with open communication, and lets her know two people are available in her times of need.
"your mom and i talked about last weekend. she's proud that you thought to call one of us."
---
> i want her to know that she can trust me.
you need to figure out if your wife is owed the same respect you're giving your stepdaughter.
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nah
i would recommend ensuring your wife is both aware of the agreement and onboard with it. she should know you are available to keep her daughter safe and be ok with not knowing about it to ensure her daughter continues to use you as a safety valve without fear of getting in trouble.
you’re a hero, and your wife can be too by supporting you.
|
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
|
INFO
|
NAH
|
NTA
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YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.4098 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm going to try to keep this short and simple. i always tell my daughter and my stepdaughter if they're ever in a situation that they need to get out of, just call me and i'll drop whatever i'm doing and i will pick them up no questions asked no judgments made. i let them know that i used to be a teenager once before, i told them everyone is entitled to make bad decisions every now and then. we're only human and it's a part of life. last weekend i got a call from my stepdaughter (17), she told me she snuck out of the house and went to a party and had too much to drink. she was scared of passing out at the party because there was people there she didn't know. i got there just in time, she was so drunk she couldn't even walk. i had to pick her up and carry her to the car. i told her i was disappointed that she snuck out, but i also told her i was glad she made the right choice, the safe choice to have me pick her up. i haven't told my wife about it, because i don't want to violate the deal i made with her. i want her to know that she can trust me. i just hope i'm making the right choice.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm going to try to keep this short and simple. i always tell my daughter and my stepdaughter if they're ever in a situation that they need to get out of, just call me and i'll drop whatever i'm doing and i will pick them up no questions asked no judgments made. i let them know that i used to be a teenager once before, i told them everyone is entitled to make bad decisions every now and then. we're only human and it's a part of life. last weekend i got a call from my stepdaughter (17), she told me she snuck out of the house and went to a party and had too much to drink. she was scared of passing out at the party because there was people there she didn't know. i got there just in time, she was so drunk she couldn't even walk. i had to pick her up and carry her to the car. i told her i was disappointed that she snuck out, but i also told her i was glad she made the right choice, the safe choice to have me pick her up. i haven't told my wife about it, because i don't want to violate the deal i made with her. i want her to know that she can trust me. i just hope i'm making the right choice. [/INST] nah. just the fact that she felt she could call you, trust you not to fly off the handle, it's fantastic and i think more parents should learn from your example. you've gotten her out of such a dangerous situation. as for not telling your wife, there's no harm done, if her daughter did this again then perhaps think about mentioning it but making it clear she can't fly off of the handle if she wants her daughter to trust you both. again, fantastic parenting don't worry about being an asshole you really aren't. </s>
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AITA for suggesting/letting my 17 year old son get drunk?
|
i (46m) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time.
my son and i have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. on saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. he was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. i'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common.
i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. my logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me.
we had some beers over a few hours in the night, and i cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). he was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. we talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party.
i was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and i feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. however, in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible.
aita?
info: i understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but i figured she had enough going on and i didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time
| 35,259 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e9bilu/aita_for_suggestingletting_my_17_year_old_son_get/
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2019-12-11 19:09:58
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nta. sounds like your intention was to teach your son not to binge drink.
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nah and honestly if you have raised a 17 year old who felt comfortable having that honest conversation with you before going to the party, good for you. you’ve been doing something right.
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edit :nah
maybe something to discuss with your wife first,
but i’d say it was a responsible decision
he was 17- yeah not the legal age, but a lot of people drink that way
i’ve seen people go to college, never drinking for the first time and get fucked up under the pressure.
if he was going to drink- i think having the awareness was good.
beer and in a controlled setting was a great way to do it- it’s not like op partied with him
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nah. it was perfectly responsible to help your son understand the affect alcohol has on him in a safe space. that said, you should have discussed it with your wife beforehand; a lot of people have very strong opinions on alcohol and her feeling that she was of the loop is valid.
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nta.
>she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible.
nothing about what you did was irresponsible or reckless. your son had a few beers at home, he didn't get "wasted" and he also didn't throw up or end up in a ditch. you were there with him, nothing too terrible could have happened.
that being said: it might not stop him from getting very drunk at that party, especially if they have stuff other than beer. but at least now he has *some* experience and knows when he's starting to feel the effects of alcohol.
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nah. may vary by state but kids can legally drink at home with their parent at a lower age than in public. not running it by wife is dumb, especially framed as a tolerance test. but i think in general, fair idea. remove the mystique, gain an understanding/appreciation in a safe place.
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life ancedote.
i like in the uk and started going out drinking with a mixed age (16-40) group from my part time shop job.
when a 16/17 year old joined the group, they might drink too much or make a mistake, but slowly learned. we kept an eye on them, made sure they got home safely, etc..
some people wern't let out until 18 and suddenly most of the rules would get lifted. they would normally get themselves into trouble or legless everytime.
when i finished university i moved and developed a new circle of friends. as i moved through my early twenties this group fractured. one half had to do 'pre drinks' and drink themselves to destruction every social situation, the other half would have had just a good time if there was no alcohol.
being frustrated with this group i once asked them why they didn't get this behaviour out of themselves in sixth form.
we then learnt what divided the group. everyone who'd gone out at 16/17, also had parents let them try alcohol at home and didn't need alcohol to have fun and could drink in moderation. everyone 'protected' until 18 still can't drink responsibly even into their thirties.
which leads me to believe the key to good parenting is to ensure your child gains life experiences in a safe controlled manner.
you did this, the fact your wife is upset makes it a solid nta
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nah. i think your reasoning was sound and you were the opposite of reckless. that said, if this is something you and your wife haven't discussed before i understand why she's upset that you didn't run it by her.
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nta. that’s good parenting. your kid would most likely have gone anyway even if you didn’t drink with him. he was in a safe environment and knew beforehand what his limit should be.
as for everyone saying it was bad, they are incredibly ignorant. i guarantee their kids don’t like them and their kids don’t trust them at all.
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yta. not for what you did (albeit unconventional), but rather for not letting your wife in on this decision. you should consider that things like this are going to be amplified given the nature of what she's going through.
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.114998 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (46m) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time. my son and i have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. on saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. he was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. i'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common. i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. my logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me. we had some beers over a few hours in the night, and i cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). he was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. we talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party. i was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and i feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. however, in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible. aita? info: i understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but i figured she had enough going on and i didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (46m) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time. my son and i have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. on saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. he was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. i'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common. i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. my logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me. we had some beers over a few hours in the night, and i cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). he was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. we talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party. i was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and i feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. however, in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible. aita? info: i understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but i figured she had enough going on and i didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time [/INST] nta. sounds like your intention was to teach your son not to binge drink. </s>
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AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back?
|
my fiance (31 male) and i (25 female) are getting married soon. there wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. my fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously.
however, when deciding on the wedding food menu, i wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. my fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. they also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). i said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two i want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". i refused to argue about it and said it was final.
the other day, i found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. i was seething. i called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. i went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. he was stunned to see me. he at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because i was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that i sort of made him resort to doing this after i kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were plenty of meat options why why can't i get 4-5 vegan options? when i'm paying for it?. he yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. my family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but i refused.
aita for putting my foot down on this?
| 35,033 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wgud9p/aita_flipping_out_on_my_fiance_for_cancelling_all/
|
2022-08-05 12:35:25
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nta and for the love of god don’t marry this man.
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nta. so, he:
1. has no clue what vegans actually eat, and no interest in learning.
2. believes having food for your family is offensive to theirs, while having no food for your family is perfectly fine.
3. doesn't respect your input and your money.
4. makes decisions about matters important to you behind your back.
5. either can't stand up to his mom or uses her as his scapegoat.
that's a lot of things to be really angry about. why are you marrying this guy again?
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nta
are you _sure_ you want to marry this man and his family? they have no respect at all for you and yours.
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so you and your family are paying, but his mummy says salad and cupcakes is fine, so he cancels any food the family paying can eat. i’d cancel the wedding you nta, him and mummy massive massive ah’s
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nta, and easy fix. he cancelled the vegan options, you cancel the wedding.
imagine what the toxicity will be when you guys have kids and you want to have any type of input on their upbringing...
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nta, unless you marry him.
he showed you who he is. believe him.
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nta and honestly, you wanna cancel the wedding all together.
- he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t respect your family.
- he’s going behind your back to do something he knows you hate
- he’s prioritising his mothers fragile feelings over your needs
i’m not the “break up” over anything type of person but… this dude isn’t able to handle an adult relationship with mutual respect.
and at his age … that’s worrying.
another thing that’s worrying is that he’s together with a vegan and obviously has no clue on what vegans eat.
|
definitely nta.
not only are you the one paying for the food, but a wedding is something you plan as a couple.
he felt like your and your family’s wellbeing during the catering wasn’t as important as his.
|
nta
as someone who has been vegan/vegetarian for 15 years and very familiar with this kind of hostility from meat eaters, i beg of you to seriously reconsider your relationship. his family is one thing, but if he's so flippant about your lifestyle and makes comments about it not being real food, it means he doesn't respect you. especially if he's doing shit like this behind your back. doesn't seem like he's trustworthy. he sounds like the type of person that would intentionally feed you non vegan things because he thinks it's funny and would teach you a lesson.
|
info: how many options are there in total?
so like 4-5 non vegan and 4-5 vegan meaning 8-10 options for meals? is this a buffet or restaurant reception?
or is this a multi-course menu and so there is essentially 1 vegan meal with 4-5 courses?
nta- because he did this behind your back without talking to you... but i'm wondering why he cares what other people eat?
also he's the ah for claiming he doesn't know what vegans eat. you're vegan... he knows you eat more than salad.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiance (31 male) and i (25 female) are getting married soon. there wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. my fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously. however, when deciding on the wedding food menu, i wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. my fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. they also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). i said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two i want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". i refused to argue about it and said it was final. the other day, i found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. i was seething. i called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. i went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. he was stunned to see me. he at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because i was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that i sort of made him resort to doing this after i kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were plenty of meat options why why can't i get 4-5 vegan options? when i'm paying for it?. he yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. my family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but i refused. aita for putting my foot down on this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiance (31 male) and i (25 female) are getting married soon. there wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. my fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously. however, when deciding on the wedding food menu, i wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. my fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. they also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). i said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two i want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". i refused to argue about it and said it was final. the other day, i found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. i was seething. i called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. i went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. he was stunned to see me. he at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because i was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that i sort of made him resort to doing this after i kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were plenty of meat options why why can't i get 4-5 vegan options? when i'm paying for it?. he yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. my family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but i refused. aita for putting my foot down on this? [/INST] nta and for the love of god don’t marry this man. </s>
|
AITA for being visibly shocked/dumbfounded that my GF (21, American) could not point out Florida on a map?
|
while sitting next to my girlfriend on a plane i was bored as fuck and looking at the maps are that are found in the back of the airline magazines. a conversation led to her revealing that she did not know where florida was on the map. keep in mind she had graduated a private high school and is currently going into her senior year of college. conversation progressed further into me finding out she could not point out australia either. i was visibly astonished at this revelation and essentially said "...are you kidding." she immediately got defensive calling me an asshole for making her feel stupid. i do feel bad for making her feel stupid, although i feel as if my reaction to her not being educated on such elementary shit was warranted and may even be a wake up call for her to learn some basic geography... aita?
| 34,974 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clqcio/aita_for_being_visibly_shockeddumbfounded_that_my/
|
2019-08-04 01:00:44
|
nah. my husband did the same to me. so i realized how straight up dumb it was. i downloaded an app for kids to learn basic geography. now i know where more countries are than he does! learning and realizing the need to learn things is so important.
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nta 🤣🤣🤣
seriously? florida? it's the easiest one!!
|
nta i'm not even american and i can find florida!
i can also find australia....
|
nah - if you had rubbed it in and continued to press or make fun, you’d be the asshole, but that’s a pretty normal reaction.
|
[removed]
|
nta
that's pretty unfortunate, florida is the iconic dongle of the us.
but ~~most~~ many people are stupid dumb and they don't know things and they don't bother nor care to know things. it sucks but you can't make people learn. very recently i saw a video where some people didn't know what dinosaurs were, completely blew my mind away.
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nta but be careful. my wife said today she thought sweden and switzerland were the same place. she’s a brilliant doctor who can explain to you in silly detail how your body metabolizes all foreign substances. ignorance doesn’t equal stupid by a long shot.
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nta. that's... pretty astonishing.
|
nah- it makes sense to be surprised- it isn't like she couldn't point out which square state was south dakota; florida is one of the hallmark parts of the us outline. she can't help her school's poor teaching, though.
if she wants to play around while learning more geography, i found this website earlier this year when i was trying to improve my own skillz: [https://online.seterra.com/en](https://online.seterra.com/en)
|
nta. i'm a teacher. there are college kids who can't tell you the century when the american revolution was fought. no level of abject ignorance surprises me.
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| 0.006547 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: while sitting next to my girlfriend on a plane i was bored as fuck and looking at the maps are that are found in the back of the airline magazines. a conversation led to her revealing that she did not know where florida was on the map. keep in mind she had graduated a private high school and is currently going into her senior year of college. conversation progressed further into me finding out she could not point out australia either. i was visibly astonished at this revelation and essentially said "...are you kidding." she immediately got defensive calling me an asshole for making her feel stupid. i do feel bad for making her feel stupid, although i feel as if my reaction to her not being educated on such elementary shit was warranted and may even be a wake up call for her to learn some basic geography... aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
while sitting next to my girlfriend on a plane i was bored as fuck and looking at the maps are that are found in the back of the airline magazines. a conversation led to her revealing that she did not know where florida was on the map. keep in mind she had graduated a private high school and is currently going into her senior year of college. conversation progressed further into me finding out she could not point out australia either. i was visibly astonished at this revelation and essentially said "...are you kidding." she immediately got defensive calling me an asshole for making her feel stupid. i do feel bad for making her feel stupid, although i feel as if my reaction to her not being educated on such elementary shit was warranted and may even be a wake up call for her to learn some basic geography... aita? [/INST] nah. my husband did the same to me. so i realized how straight up dumb it was. i downloaded an app for kids to learn basic geography. now i know where more countries are than he does! learning and realizing the need to learn things is so important. </s>
|
AITA for not giving up my second "free" seat next to me in the plane?
|
i am obese. like i am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. i am well aware of that and i really don't like to bother people with my weight.
a week ago i was going to a conference by plane and because i was going alone (usually when i fly with my boyfriend i don't buy two since he sits next to me) i bought two seats. i fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and i feel uncomfortable for them. it happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and i felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight.
so i sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so i would be really comfortable. some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. exactly what i was afraid of happened. my side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because i bought this one for my comfort. he told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. well, i told him i understand but i feel uncomfortable and i paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. he refused again and started to chat with his gf. i called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. she asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his gf gave me a nasty look. the gf mumbled something like "fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me.
so am i the asshole for insisting on him to leave?
| 34,876 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uo6we1/aita_for_not_giving_up_my_second_free_seat_next/
|
2022-05-12 17:54:13
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nta- former flight attendant. it's your seat. you paid for it. if that (classless) couple wanted to sit together that badly, they should have paid for seats together.
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nta. if it happens again, *don't let them sit down.* block the extra seat and state immediately, "i paid for two seats. this one is not available."
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nta. it doesn’t matter why you purchased that seat. you could have bought it for the spirits of your ancestors so they could guide you safely to your destination and it would have been no one’s business but yours. sorry this happened
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nta! you bought that seat. the couple sitting apart has nothing to do with you. idgaf if you were thin and bought a 2nd seat for your emotional support ghost! that's your seat.
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#[be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/about/rules/). this lady calling op a bitch doesn't mean you get to call her one, or any other insult.
#also op didn't ask you about your opinion about their size, or for diet tips. not every thought that pops into your mind is worth posting.
please review our [faq](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
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nta. they tried to take something you paid for and then were rude to you. it's a bit shocking, really, considering the number of people who comment on social media that larger people should have to buy two seats. please don't feel bad about yourself because they chose to be horrid and entitled.
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nta - it wasnt a free/available seat. you purchased it, you bought the seat so it is “occupied”.
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nta: you paid for that seat, it’s your seat and frankly airplane seats are too small. i was on a flight last week, i bought it last minute and ended up with a center seat in the “basic” cabin, the cheap seats on united flights ( at least on this plane ) don’t have movable arm rests, my hips hit both armrests( read walls), it was very uncomfortable. i wear a women’s 10/12, after that experience i will always buy 2 seats if i’m in the back or at least never settle for less than business class.
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nta . you did exactly what people scream at fat people to do and still got abuse hurled at you. the fact they didn't even ask is odd.
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nta. you paid for the second seat for that very reason. i'm sorry, op. they acted horribly.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am obese. like i am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. i am well aware of that and i really don't like to bother people with my weight. a week ago i was going to a conference by plane and because i was going alone (usually when i fly with my boyfriend i don't buy two since he sits next to me) i bought two seats. i fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and i feel uncomfortable for them. it happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and i felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight. so i sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so i would be really comfortable. some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. exactly what i was afraid of happened. my side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because i bought this one for my comfort. he told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. well, i told him i understand but i feel uncomfortable and i paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. he refused again and started to chat with his gf. i called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. she asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his gf gave me a nasty look. the gf mumbled something like "fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me. so am i the asshole for insisting on him to leave?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am obese. like i am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. i am well aware of that and i really don't like to bother people with my weight. a week ago i was going to a conference by plane and because i was going alone (usually when i fly with my boyfriend i don't buy two since he sits next to me) i bought two seats. i fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and i feel uncomfortable for them. it happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and i felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight. so i sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so i would be really comfortable. some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. exactly what i was afraid of happened. my side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because i bought this one for my comfort. he told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. well, i told him i understand but i feel uncomfortable and i paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. he refused again and started to chat with his gf. i called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. she asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his gf gave me a nasty look. the gf mumbled something like "fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me. so am i the asshole for insisting on him to leave? [/INST] nta- former flight attendant. it's your seat. you paid for it. if that (classless) couple wanted to sit together that badly, they should have paid for seats together. </s>
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AITA for setting a glitter trap to catch my mother in law trying to snoop?
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for some weird reason my mil really wants to go into our bedroom whenever she comes over. on one occasion i followed her as she went upstairs (i was going to get something for my child as the bedrooms are upstairs) and she walked past the bathroom on the main floor and up the stairs behind it. she didn’t hear me and i caught her walking straight into my room and rifling through bills on my dresser. she denied snooping (even though i’d just watched her do it) and said she was just going to use our bathroom because she couldn’t find the other ones. she walked right past the one on the main floor and another one in the upstairs hallway to go into our bedroom. since that happened, i installed an exterior doorknob that requires a key on our bedroom door and one on the door to our office/spare bedroom.
however, she’s still always “forgetting” where the bathroom is and trying the bedroom and office door. this really ticks me off. my husband says that i just get annoyed at this because everything she does drives me crazy and since we’ve put locks on the rooms we don’t want her in, there isn’t really a problem anymore.
well over the holidays we had my in laws over for dinner and before they came i was searching for the bedroom keys. we hadn’t used them in a while since we only lock the doors when mil comes over. my husband told me we didn’t need to lock the doors since she wouldn’t try to get into the rooms and i insisted that she would because she loves to snoop. we went back and forth and decided to cover the doorknobs in super fine glitter to see if she tried them.
i did this once before when husband didn’t believe me about the snooping to prove she’d been in the rooms. last time she ignored the glitter and we didn’t say anything about it but then my husband couldn’t deny that she’d tried to snoop. so this time i covered the knobs in glitter and for the office went a touch further and rigged a little folder of glitter over the door to the office before the in laws came over. i left it one side unlocked (french doors) and it was set so if you walked in the room you would get covered in glitter.
husband goes out of his way to show his mom the main floor bathroom when they got here and specifically asks his parents and sister not to go upstairs. there’s a baby gate so the kids can’t get upstairs either.
well guess who had to go to the bathroom and got covered in glitter and had it all over their hands and hair? she completely lost it and started screaming at me so i yelled back and now my husband is saying i went too far and i’m the asshole. mil also says i’m the asshole but sil says i didn’t do anything wrong and mil deserved it for snooping. fil is switzerland. apparently her car is ruined now too because it’s covered in glitter that she cant get cleaned up. so aita?
| 34,821 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rsnfcq/aita_for_setting_a_glitter_trap_to_catch_my/
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2021-12-31 06:27:13
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nta.
your mil is an issue but the fact that your husband refuses to set and enforce boundaries with her is actually the larger issue here.
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absolutely nta - that is hysterical!!!!!!! you are my goddamn hero 😂😂😂😂
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nta
i had a good laugh at this. i feel like you did a good job leading up to this and were incredibly patient with a boundary stomping mil.
my petty ass doesn’t see this as your fault. i mean sure we know you set a trap for her. but she had been explicitly told time and time again to not go into those rooms.
i mean, how were you really supposed to know she would ruin your nice and neat glitter envelope that you worked so hard on and accidentally left on the door of the office.
the way i see it she owes you an apology because her recklessness got glitter all over your floors, and you now have to refill your special glitter envelope. /s in case i’m not clear.
(edit spelling mistakes, grammar, i wrote this at like 2am)
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nta. why is your husband okay with his mother walking all over your boundaries.
also, the getting caught with glitter on her hands is hilarious, but it's going to be hard to clean up, for you.
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my 7 year old overheard me reading this to my sister. she accidentally swore in front of me (and sobbed afterward) saying “no way! she is not the asshole!!” i didn’t even get mad about the accidental swearing, you are nta.
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nta- but you missed out on the perfect opportunity to spread disinformation. make up fun documents to leave "hidden" on your desk about how your helping the un with a "crisis" or leave out fake letters from heads of state or whoever her favorite famous person is. if she's gonna snoop have fun with it.
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nta.
pretty self evident who’s the ah here, and it ain’t you.
your ml sounds nuts, and your hubby needs his head examined.
bravo on the sting op though. well played.
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nta - but you have a husband problem as well as a mil problem. your husband wants to rug sweep his mom's snooping, and i'd bet actual money he hid or threw away the keys to the locks just so you couldn't lock his precious mommy out of your rooms.
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"if you didn't want any glitter on you why did you go into my glitter room?"
"that's your office!?"
"no, it's my glitter room."
nta.
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nta - first off, i really hope you have hardwood floors. second, how the hell is he actually defending her now that she had been caught red-handed multiple times? that’s on him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for some weird reason my mil really wants to go into our bedroom whenever she comes over. on one occasion i followed her as she went upstairs (i was going to get something for my child as the bedrooms are upstairs) and she walked past the bathroom on the main floor and up the stairs behind it. she didn’t hear me and i caught her walking straight into my room and rifling through bills on my dresser. she denied snooping (even though i’d just watched her do it) and said she was just going to use our bathroom because she couldn’t find the other ones. she walked right past the one on the main floor and another one in the upstairs hallway to go into our bedroom. since that happened, i installed an exterior doorknob that requires a key on our bedroom door and one on the door to our office/spare bedroom. however, she’s still always “forgetting” where the bathroom is and trying the bedroom and office door. this really ticks me off. my husband says that i just get annoyed at this because everything she does drives me crazy and since we’ve put locks on the rooms we don’t want her in, there isn’t really a problem anymore. well over the holidays we had my in laws over for dinner and before they came i was searching for the bedroom keys. we hadn’t used them in a while since we only lock the doors when mil comes over. my husband told me we didn’t need to lock the doors since she wouldn’t try to get into the rooms and i insisted that she would because she loves to snoop. we went back and forth and decided to cover the doorknobs in super fine glitter to see if she tried them. i did this once before when husband didn’t believe me about the snooping to prove she’d been in the rooms. last time she ignored the glitter and we didn’t say anything about it but then my husband couldn’t deny that she’d tried to snoop. so this time i covered the knobs in glitter and for the office went a touch further and rigged a little folder of glitter over the door to the office before the in laws came over. i left it one side unlocked (french doors) and it was set so if you walked in the room you would get covered in glitter. husband goes out of his way to show his mom the main floor bathroom when they got here and specifically asks his parents and sister not to go upstairs. there’s a baby gate so the kids can’t get upstairs either. well guess who had to go to the bathroom and got covered in glitter and had it all over their hands and hair? she completely lost it and started screaming at me so i yelled back and now my husband is saying i went too far and i’m the asshole. mil also says i’m the asshole but sil says i didn’t do anything wrong and mil deserved it for snooping. fil is switzerland. apparently her car is ruined now too because it’s covered in glitter that she cant get cleaned up. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for some weird reason my mil really wants to go into our bedroom whenever she comes over. on one occasion i followed her as she went upstairs (i was going to get something for my child as the bedrooms are upstairs) and she walked past the bathroom on the main floor and up the stairs behind it. she didn’t hear me and i caught her walking straight into my room and rifling through bills on my dresser. she denied snooping (even though i’d just watched her do it) and said she was just going to use our bathroom because she couldn’t find the other ones. she walked right past the one on the main floor and another one in the upstairs hallway to go into our bedroom. since that happened, i installed an exterior doorknob that requires a key on our bedroom door and one on the door to our office/spare bedroom. however, she’s still always “forgetting” where the bathroom is and trying the bedroom and office door. this really ticks me off. my husband says that i just get annoyed at this because everything she does drives me crazy and since we’ve put locks on the rooms we don’t want her in, there isn’t really a problem anymore. well over the holidays we had my in laws over for dinner and before they came i was searching for the bedroom keys. we hadn’t used them in a while since we only lock the doors when mil comes over. my husband told me we didn’t need to lock the doors since she wouldn’t try to get into the rooms and i insisted that she would because she loves to snoop. we went back and forth and decided to cover the doorknobs in super fine glitter to see if she tried them. i did this once before when husband didn’t believe me about the snooping to prove she’d been in the rooms. last time she ignored the glitter and we didn’t say anything about it but then my husband couldn’t deny that she’d tried to snoop. so this time i covered the knobs in glitter and for the office went a touch further and rigged a little folder of glitter over the door to the office before the in laws came over. i left it one side unlocked (french doors) and it was set so if you walked in the room you would get covered in glitter. husband goes out of his way to show his mom the main floor bathroom when they got here and specifically asks his parents and sister not to go upstairs. there’s a baby gate so the kids can’t get upstairs either. well guess who had to go to the bathroom and got covered in glitter and had it all over their hands and hair? she completely lost it and started screaming at me so i yelled back and now my husband is saying i went too far and i’m the asshole. mil also says i’m the asshole but sil says i didn’t do anything wrong and mil deserved it for snooping. fil is switzerland. apparently her car is ruined now too because it’s covered in glitter that she cant get cleaned up. so aita? [/INST] nta. your mil is an issue but the fact that your husband refuses to set and enforce boundaries with her is actually the larger issue here. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife and in-laws to fuck off after they told me to stop cuddling my daughter?
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i have 3 kids, 15f, 12f and 7m. my oldest has always been a cuddler, and that suits me fine because i am too. recently my in laws were over, and we were all watching a movie together. it was a kids movie, and so my 15yo was bored out of her mind and tired, so she started to snuggle up to me and go to sleep.
after the movie was over, we sent all the kids to bed/their rooms and got chatting for a bit longer. there was a fair bit of wine involved (i was sober though), and eventually after a short silence my fil let it drop that he thought it was inappropriate i still cuddled with my 15yo. i don't really know why he brought it up suddenly, but i was prepared to laugh it off and just assumed it was the alcohol. to my surprise, my wife and mil both agreed with him.
i have a lot of respect for my in-laws, i get along with them great and i consider them closer than my own parents. obviously i'm quite fond of my wife as well, but i outright told them to "fuck off and go fuck themselves" and then left them and went to bed. i've never spoken to any of them like that before, but it felt like the right thing to say in the moment. they all want me to apologize for being so rude to them. aita?
&#x200b;
edit due to info request: we were not spooning, she was sitting next to me laying on my chest.
edit of my own free will: idk if it's important info, but i didn't yell.
| 34,753 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ctwk69/aita_for_telling_my_wife_and_inlaws_to_fuck_off/
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2019-08-22 12:12:41
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nta. the implications of what they're suggesting are horrendous.
you cuddle your damn kid. it's lovely that she feels so comfortable with you. they're projecting their own disgusting thoughts and it's bullshit.
you shouldn't be apologising to them, they should be apologising to you for the implication.
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nta
it’s a cuddle, not a fondle. just because they are making it sexual doesn’t mean you or your daughter are.
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nta: the recent trend of people sexualising perfectly normal behaviour between parents and children is really getting out of hand. they need to realise that they're the ones being perverse and not you. don't blame you at all for reacting the way you did to their frankly disgusting comment.
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please, don’t ever tell your daughter that they said this. it will devastate her and potentially cause a wedge in your relationship. because it’s a non-issue between you and her, keep it a non-issue.
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nta they're looking wayyy to deep into this. they're sexualising a teenager still enjoying a cuddle with dad.
it means you two have a strong comfortable bond and it should be celebrated.
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nta. i mean why for gods sake should a father not be allowed to cuddle with his kids? not be allowed to show em that he loves them?
and please, don't hit me with that (she is a woman now, its wrong (in a sexual way)
if the daughter is okay with it, then its not sexual harassment or anything like that. its the love of a parent for his kid, which awesome af!
i mean i'm an 16 year old male, and i still let my family hug and cuddle with me. because i love them. and the only thing it makes me is realize that they love me too.
so, clearly not the asshole!
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nta i'm 21 fucking years old and if given the chance i will cuddle my dad. why? because i love him. i love him and my mum and i love to kiss and cuddle them whenever i can! cuddles is a love language you both speak! it's platonic intimacy! it's peak mutual bonding!
fuck, and i cannot stress this enough, them. you have an actual, mutual, loving bond with your teenage daughter. so many parents would kill for that! i mean, yeah what you said was rude, but don't apologize to them unless they'll apologize back for trying to invalidate your bond with your child. and for perpetuating toxic masculinity. but make sure you only apologize for using the f bomb, they're in the wrong here.
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nta
that's your daughter!! jeez
what they were insinuating was disgusting, what's inappropriate about showing affection to your children? i don't care if they're 5 or 50. if that's the relationship you have with them and they're happy with it, it's no one else's business.
i think you were right in your reaction, sometimes the insinuation is so egregious that only a 'fuck you' will do.
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nta. let's be real for a moment, everyone freaked out by this is saying it's because you're a dad and she's your daughter. i'd be willing to bet if you were a mother there wouldn't be a conversation to have. at any rate, no it's not weird, it's not creepy, the parent holding their kid and bonding. (not to mention the plethora of chemical reactions that go off in the brain that i can't even begin to get into in one post) people just need to get over themselves.
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nta, and if your wife busts your balls about apologizing you should say outright, "do you understand what you're insinuating here? like literally one of the worst things a person can do. you should apologize to me". your reaction was totally appropriate considering what they were suggesting.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have 3 kids, 15f, 12f and 7m. my oldest has always been a cuddler, and that suits me fine because i am too. recently my in laws were over, and we were all watching a movie together. it was a kids movie, and so my 15yo was bored out of her mind and tired, so she started to snuggle up to me and go to sleep. after the movie was over, we sent all the kids to bed/their rooms and got chatting for a bit longer. there was a fair bit of wine involved (i was sober though), and eventually after a short silence my fil let it drop that he thought it was inappropriate i still cuddled with my 15yo. i don't really know why he brought it up suddenly, but i was prepared to laugh it off and just assumed it was the alcohol. to my surprise, my wife and mil both agreed with him. i have a lot of respect for my in-laws, i get along with them great and i consider them closer than my own parents. obviously i'm quite fond of my wife as well, but i outright told them to "fuck off and go fuck themselves" and then left them and went to bed. i've never spoken to any of them like that before, but it felt like the right thing to say in the moment. they all want me to apologize for being so rude to them. aita? &#x200b; edit due to info request: we were not spooning, she was sitting next to me laying on my chest. edit of my own free will: idk if it's important info, but i didn't yell.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have 3 kids, 15f, 12f and 7m. my oldest has always been a cuddler, and that suits me fine because i am too. recently my in laws were over, and we were all watching a movie together. it was a kids movie, and so my 15yo was bored out of her mind and tired, so she started to snuggle up to me and go to sleep. after the movie was over, we sent all the kids to bed/their rooms and got chatting for a bit longer. there was a fair bit of wine involved (i was sober though), and eventually after a short silence my fil let it drop that he thought it was inappropriate i still cuddled with my 15yo. i don't really know why he brought it up suddenly, but i was prepared to laugh it off and just assumed it was the alcohol. to my surprise, my wife and mil both agreed with him. i have a lot of respect for my in-laws, i get along with them great and i consider them closer than my own parents. obviously i'm quite fond of my wife as well, but i outright told them to "fuck off and go fuck themselves" and then left them and went to bed. i've never spoken to any of them like that before, but it felt like the right thing to say in the moment. they all want me to apologize for being so rude to them. aita? &#x200b; edit due to info request: we were not spooning, she was sitting next to me laying on my chest. edit of my own free will: idk if it's important info, but i didn't yell. [/INST] nta. the implications of what they're suggesting are horrendous. you cuddle your damn kid. it's lovely that she feels so comfortable with you. they're projecting their own disgusting thoughts and it's bullshit. you shouldn't be apologising to them, they should be apologising to you for the implication. </s>
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AITA for demanding the same Christmas present my stepbrother got?
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i sound like a real asshole but i've completely lost my mind over this.
i'm 17 and my stepbrother is 17. we both have our driving license.
i just found out 5 days ago that my dad and stepmom bought a used car for my stepbrother. they got me a 600 dollar gift card to best buy.
i know $600 is a lot of money but what the fuck? am i crazy or is it super unfair? it's literally the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back.
i'm actually so pissed off that i've moved to my mom's house full time.
my dad seems to be genuinely sorry and told me he's looking for a car now but that it'll take a while.
i messaged him back saying that i'll decide if i want to see him after he decides to be fair for once. i've ignored all other calls and messages from him since.
my stepbrother messaged me saying that i need to chill out and that he'll let me use his car. he also said that i need to stop bitching and ruining everyone's christmas. i told him to get in his civic and fuck off.
aita?
| 34,606 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ebjcyh/aita_for_demanding_the_same_christmas_present_my/
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2019-12-16 18:55:09
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nta. it takes a serious miscalculation by both adults to think that kind of uneven gift giving is okay. i think after you cool off you should sit down with your dad and explain how hurt you were by the disparity.
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i don’t even have a judgement but “get in his civic and fuck off” made me laugh out loud
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nta
that was a bullshit move by your dad and step-mom. unless all the money for the car came from step-mom (or step-mom and step-bro's dad), that is just way out of line.
you are right to put your foot down on this. your dad treated you like a second class child. good on your for standing up for yourself.
as for ruining everyone's christmas... why is it expected for you to be quiet while your christmas is ruined?
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info: have you asked why? and what is the value of the car?
seems like there are a lot of missing pieces in this situation and possibly some jumping to conclusions.
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nta there’s obliviously some favouritism here
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nta, your dad and stepmom seriously fucked up and you have every right to be hurt.
however you are ta if you take it out on your stepbrother, try and tread lightly there. it’s not his fault!
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info: did they both pitch in 50/50 or was it mostly from stepmom (and maybe her ex?) ?
same for the 600.
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nta. my brother got his college paid for and i got... socks and $30k in debt.
it was a tough year.
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nta
my dad had a rule - if you can’t get something for all 4 kids, you don’t get it at all.
obvs this wasn’t for littler things like kid 1 outgrew their trainers or kid 3 had a growth spurt and needed new clothes....it was for shit like this. can’t afford a car for all 4 kids? shame, they can pay for their own cars then.
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without any further context such as whether your stepbrother did something more to earn the car, or you did something to not deserve it, i'd have to go with nta here.
reading through this forum you see how often siblings are treated differently, and i was treated rather poorly growing up as well. it's a shame, but some parents truly don't understand, or care, how they come across to their children.
if your father and stepmother are going to favor your stepbrother, i think you made the right call by moving out. i noticed you wrote that this is "the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back," so i'm guessing this isn't a fluke, but instead something that has occurred often.
go where you're treated like a valued member of the family.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i sound like a real asshole but i've completely lost my mind over this. i'm 17 and my stepbrother is 17. we both have our driving license. i just found out 5 days ago that my dad and stepmom bought a used car for my stepbrother. they got me a 600 dollar gift card to best buy. i know $600 is a lot of money but what the fuck? am i crazy or is it super unfair? it's literally the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back. i'm actually so pissed off that i've moved to my mom's house full time. my dad seems to be genuinely sorry and told me he's looking for a car now but that it'll take a while. i messaged him back saying that i'll decide if i want to see him after he decides to be fair for once. i've ignored all other calls and messages from him since. my stepbrother messaged me saying that i need to chill out and that he'll let me use his car. he also said that i need to stop bitching and ruining everyone's christmas. i told him to get in his civic and fuck off. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i sound like a real asshole but i've completely lost my mind over this. i'm 17 and my stepbrother is 17. we both have our driving license. i just found out 5 days ago that my dad and stepmom bought a used car for my stepbrother. they got me a 600 dollar gift card to best buy. i know $600 is a lot of money but what the fuck? am i crazy or is it super unfair? it's literally the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back. i'm actually so pissed off that i've moved to my mom's house full time. my dad seems to be genuinely sorry and told me he's looking for a car now but that it'll take a while. i messaged him back saying that i'll decide if i want to see him after he decides to be fair for once. i've ignored all other calls and messages from him since. my stepbrother messaged me saying that i need to chill out and that he'll let me use his car. he also said that i need to stop bitching and ruining everyone's christmas. i told him to get in his civic and fuck off. aita? [/INST] nta. it takes a serious miscalculation by both adults to think that kind of uneven gift giving is okay. i think after you cool off you should sit down with your dad and explain how hurt you were by the disparity. </s>
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AITA for pointing out to my friends that they are not famous?
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my friends are dating, they’re also actors who have had small roles on a few tv shows (i’m talking two lines or less). i say this not to be a hater, i truly am rooting for them, but to give you a scope of their reach. neither of them have a following in real life or on social media (they’ve got under 1500 followers combined).
anyway last week i posted a group picture on instagram of people celebrating a friends birthday. everyone in the photo has got their arms around each other’s shoulders. very platonic.
anyway yesterday in a group chat between the three of us they asked me to take the photo down because they don’t want “the public” to know they are dating. i would consider it if they looked bad/too sloppy drunk/etc. but they don’t. also everyone has their arms around each other, not just them.
anyway i asked what they meant, and they said they didn’t want to end up in gossip rags....
i pointed out that they are not famous and that they don’t even have functioning imdb pages. they were livid and called me a bunch of names.
i think they’re delusional but they’ve been texting me demanding it and even sent me screenshots of them reporting it (nothing has happened). at this point, i don’t even want to be their friend. however, and probably because i’m an asshole, i don’t want to delete it based solely on principle.
| 34,598 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cv96lf/aita_for_pointing_out_to_my_friends_that_they_are/
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2019-08-25 14:31:00
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esh
since they asked you to take a picture of them off social media, you should have done that. that being said, they’re acting pretty ridiculous about their “fame”.
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esh. they have inflated egos. however, you should take down a photo when asked to take it down, regardless of the reason.
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yta. when someone asks you to take down their photo, you take it down, regardless if their reasoning.
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nta for pointing out your friends aren't famous, which is what you asked to be judged for. however, their reasoning for not wanting their picture up (silly as it may be) is irrelevant. they don't want it up, so you remove it. its called being polite.
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yta they've asked you in a friendly way to do something important to them that takes you practically no effort. it doesn't matter if their reason is valid in your opinion or not.
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nta- this sounds like the plot of an episode of friends
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yta, they may not really be famous, but they asked you to take it down.
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esh. it sounds like they’re delusional and self important. but the question is, are you an asshole here, and unfortunately i have to say that you just barely are. i say this cause 1. if they do ever become famous then it could matter in the future, and 2. no matter how silly the reason, you should always take images of people down if they request.
still, it totally makes sense where you’re coming from, and i wouldn’t actually say you’re “an asshole”, just that you should probably take the pictures down.
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nta. some people need a reality checks
just put a poop emoji on their heads and call it good. they’re acting like little craps about it, and now people won’t see that it’s them.
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i was on the fence until the gossip rags comment. nta. they are being delusional and shitty to you. there's an argument to be made for them not to want to be dating publicly (you get better work in that industry if you're single, shitty as that may be) but it doesn't even seem like the pictures is that kind of intimate.
now, you should probably delete the picture just to avoid the conflict, but that's up to you.
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.793225 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friends are dating, they’re also actors who have had small roles on a few tv shows (i’m talking two lines or less). i say this not to be a hater, i truly am rooting for them, but to give you a scope of their reach. neither of them have a following in real life or on social media (they’ve got under 1500 followers combined). anyway last week i posted a group picture on instagram of people celebrating a friends birthday. everyone in the photo has got their arms around each other’s shoulders. very platonic. anyway yesterday in a group chat between the three of us they asked me to take the photo down because they don’t want “the public” to know they are dating. i would consider it if they looked bad/too sloppy drunk/etc. but they don’t. also everyone has their arms around each other, not just them. anyway i asked what they meant, and they said they didn’t want to end up in gossip rags.... i pointed out that they are not famous and that they don’t even have functioning imdb pages. they were livid and called me a bunch of names. i think they’re delusional but they’ve been texting me demanding it and even sent me screenshots of them reporting it (nothing has happened). at this point, i don’t even want to be their friend. however, and probably because i’m an asshole, i don’t want to delete it based solely on principle.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my friends are dating, they’re also actors who have had small roles on a few tv shows (i’m talking two lines or less). i say this not to be a hater, i truly am rooting for them, but to give you a scope of their reach. neither of them have a following in real life or on social media (they’ve got under 1500 followers combined). anyway last week i posted a group picture on instagram of people celebrating a friends birthday. everyone in the photo has got their arms around each other’s shoulders. very platonic. anyway yesterday in a group chat between the three of us they asked me to take the photo down because they don’t want “the public” to know they are dating. i would consider it if they looked bad/too sloppy drunk/etc. but they don’t. also everyone has their arms around each other, not just them. anyway i asked what they meant, and they said they didn’t want to end up in gossip rags.... i pointed out that they are not famous and that they don’t even have functioning imdb pages. they were livid and called me a bunch of names. i think they’re delusional but they’ve been texting me demanding it and even sent me screenshots of them reporting it (nothing has happened). at this point, i don’t even want to be their friend. however, and probably because i’m an asshole, i don’t want to delete it based solely on principle. [/INST] esh since they asked you to take a picture of them off social media, you should have done that. that being said, they’re acting pretty ridiculous about their “fame”. </s>
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AITA For calling my co-worker "chunky" after she repeatedly calls me "slim" and makes references to my weight after I asked her multiple times not to.
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i have a female co-worker who repeatedly calls me out regarding my weight. i'm female 5'9" 115lbs and very thin. she is very overweight. all the time she makes comments about my weight. she doesn't call me by name she calls me "slim" and i even heard her say one time "go ask toothpick" and she has said stuff like "you need some meat on your bones" & "you need to eat". i have only worked there 8 days. i have asked her very nicely to stop. yesterday i asked her to stop calling me slim again and she basically said it's her mouth and she can say what she wants.
today when she said "morning slim" i replied "morning chunky" and she got upset and actually started crying. everybody here at work, (only 6 of us total) is saying i'm wrong and i should apologize because being called fat is "different" than being called skinny because being called skinny is a "compliment". i said as long as she calls me slim, i will call her chunky and now i'm the bad person. aita if i don't apologize? the owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it's "a high school issue and we should figure it out".
edit for more info: we don't have hr. there's only 6 of us working here (cupcake shop). we are all regular employees. i went to the owner before i called her chunky and i asked him to talk to her because i felt she was harassing me. that's when he said we can handle it ourselves. that's why i called her chunky. i told her to stop calling me slim and i didn't like it and she continued to do it. she didn't stop doing it after i asked multiple times and i didn't know what to do besides what she was doing to me. she brought up my weight, i brought up her's.
| 34,280 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bpe2di/aita_for_calling_my_coworker_chunky_after_she/
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2019-05-16 15:37:36
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nta by a long shot. just because she apparently defines herself by her appearance does not give her the right to define you by yours. objectification sucks, period.
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gonna go the other way and say nta. she repeatedly body shamed you and refused to stop after repeated requests. you flipped it on her and now she can’t take it? boo fucking hoo.
if a bully repeatedly punches you and you swing back, is that “two wrongs”?
bring on the downvotes.
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[deleted]
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nta
if she can dish it out, she can take it. i hate it when people do the “antagonize until they fight back, then claim to be a victim” crap. if the boss doesn’t care, then fuck her. you’re new at this workplace - continue to stand up for yourself.
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nta - good for goose is good for gander.
but protip - just call her back the exact same name she called you, within like 30 seconds or less of her saying it. then she really cant complain.
plus, fat people don't like to be called toothpick. so you still win.
nta.
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nta - you asked her nicely to stop and she basically told you to fuck off. she doesn’t get to make passive-aggressive remarks and call you skinny names while hiding behind her weight. if she doesn’t want to hear about it she doesn’t get to bring it up herself, let alone engage in it.
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👏👏👏
nta
if you want to turn the conversation away from pointless body shaming, i'd change her nickname to something that conveys the crux of the issue: she's an asshole
"morning, verbally abusive stranger!"
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[removed]
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nta at all. you asked her to stop, and being called "skinny" is not a compliment. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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yta - should’ve said “morning whale” instead....
jk, definitely nta
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
| 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a female co-worker who repeatedly calls me out regarding my weight. i'm female 5'9" 115lbs and very thin. she is very overweight. all the time she makes comments about my weight. she doesn't call me by name she calls me "slim" and i even heard her say one time "go ask toothpick" and she has said stuff like "you need some meat on your bones" & "you need to eat". i have only worked there 8 days. i have asked her very nicely to stop. yesterday i asked her to stop calling me slim again and she basically said it's her mouth and she can say what she wants. today when she said "morning slim" i replied "morning chunky" and she got upset and actually started crying. everybody here at work, (only 6 of us total) is saying i'm wrong and i should apologize because being called fat is "different" than being called skinny because being called skinny is a "compliment". i said as long as she calls me slim, i will call her chunky and now i'm the bad person. aita if i don't apologize? the owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it's "a high school issue and we should figure it out". edit for more info: we don't have hr. there's only 6 of us working here (cupcake shop). we are all regular employees. i went to the owner before i called her chunky and i asked him to talk to her because i felt she was harassing me. that's when he said we can handle it ourselves. that's why i called her chunky. i told her to stop calling me slim and i didn't like it and she continued to do it. she didn't stop doing it after i asked multiple times and i didn't know what to do besides what she was doing to me. she brought up my weight, i brought up her's.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a female co-worker who repeatedly calls me out regarding my weight. i'm female 5'9" 115lbs and very thin. she is very overweight. all the time she makes comments about my weight. she doesn't call me by name she calls me "slim" and i even heard her say one time "go ask toothpick" and she has said stuff like "you need some meat on your bones" & "you need to eat". i have only worked there 8 days. i have asked her very nicely to stop. yesterday i asked her to stop calling me slim again and she basically said it's her mouth and she can say what she wants. today when she said "morning slim" i replied "morning chunky" and she got upset and actually started crying. everybody here at work, (only 6 of us total) is saying i'm wrong and i should apologize because being called fat is "different" than being called skinny because being called skinny is a "compliment". i said as long as she calls me slim, i will call her chunky and now i'm the bad person. aita if i don't apologize? the owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it's "a high school issue and we should figure it out". edit for more info: we don't have hr. there's only 6 of us working here (cupcake shop). we are all regular employees. i went to the owner before i called her chunky and i asked him to talk to her because i felt she was harassing me. that's when he said we can handle it ourselves. that's why i called her chunky. i told her to stop calling me slim and i didn't like it and she continued to do it. she didn't stop doing it after i asked multiple times and i didn't know what to do besides what she was doing to me. she brought up my weight, i brought up her's. [/INST] nta by a long shot. just because she apparently defines herself by her appearance does not give her the right to define you by yours. objectification sucks, period. </s>
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AITA my classmate "saved goldfish" by releasing them into the ocean, I called her a dumbass
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my classmate recently made a tiktok and she showed a group of people at lunch time it. they were next to our table so i overheard the girl say "hey look at my tiktok i made come check it out" and in it she explains how she "rescued" goldfish from the pet store and released them into the ocean so they can live free.
i was horrified upon hearing this, i love fish and have several aquariums so i'm fairly knowledgeable on them. i walk over and i ask her to show me the video and i face palmed, she asked me why and i said "you realize you're actually a dumbass right, this is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen" her friend says "well that's just rude, why would you say that, because she cares?" to which i had to explain that goldfish are freshwater fish, they can't survive the ocean because its saltwater so all of those goldfish were dead in minutes. they basically choked to death as salt filled up their gills. lastly, you never release animals into the wild. there are goldfish that are destroying our rivers and lakes because of dumbasses like her.
they say that i'm a bully and walk away. i later get called into the principal's office who told me i was expected to apologize, and i said no, i stand by what i said. fuck ignorant people who destroy the environment. my parents were called over and i got sent home and my parents are pissed i refused to apologize. i might get suspended.
| 34,031 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o1xvoi/aita_my_classmate_saved_goldfish_by_releasing/
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2021-06-17 13:57:48
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nta!
you’re 100% right on both counts! that would’ve been a pretty awful death for the gold fish and yeah releasing captive bred animals into the wild usually either results in that animal dying or local flora and fauna suddenly having to compete with an invasive species.
she meant well but that stark reality check on your part was definitely warranted
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nta, but a different approach might be more effective. ask questions. “did you know that goldfish are freshwater fish?” “do you understand what happens to freshwater fish when they are released into saltwater?” lead her to her own dumbassery…
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esh - to quote the dude
“you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole”
your classmate is a well-meaning idiot. you seem more interested in being superior than in getting her to stop causing damage.
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esh.
>i stand by what i said
you need to learn how to say important things calmly and without insults. people are more likely to listen to you, and less likely to accuse you of being a bully.
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esh. this is... oh my god. okay, yeah, your classmate sucks here for not realizing that her actions are less than intelligent and should inform herself about an animals needs before doing something like this.
however, insulting someone over this out of nowhere isn't good behaviour on your side either. noone is going to listen to your reasons if you insult them.
&#x200b;
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tempted to go e-s-h, but i'm voting yta. also, you missed a huge opportunity here dude.
obviously you're right, but it isn't ok to just go up to someone and call them a dumbass. praise in public, criticize in private. then, if the societally-harmful behavior doesn't stop, publicly shaming becomes an option. you jumped straight into public shaming before giving her a chance to correct her seemingly well-intentioned mistake. also, get real: it's not like you've never done anything stupid before. how would you like it if someone started publicly calling you a dumbass in person, when they could have just taken you aside privately?
as for the missed opportunity: why the fuck didn't you just dm her or talk to her privately in a kind and respectful way? you would have gained huge cool points with this person had you done that. think about it from her point of view. she posts something publicly hoping to get likes and attention from it. you tell her why it's a problem. she realizes that she's done something incredibly stupid in a very public forum, and now there's a risk that everyone figures out how dumb she's been. but because you came along, she can take down the video or apologize before word gets out, and the potential for public humiliation disappears. she probably would have been incredibly grateful to you. don't get pissed off next time- think about what you can do to be useful.
also, for the record, i too am an aquarium person and would have been very upset had i seen this.
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esh. never lead with the insult, no matter how justifiable it is. explaining facts without launching with the dumbass part might have actually given her pause to consider her actions in the future. instead you insulted her which threw up a wall and no matter how accurate your statement on her actions, no facts will get through.
she sucks for all the obvious reasons. and the school, too, sucks if they're going to suspend you for not apologizing while also not actually educating their students well enough to understand this sort of "activism" does more harm than good.
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esh. factually, you are 100% correct and your classmates did nothing to help those animals. on the other hand, the way you told them that pretty much guaranteed that they wouldn’t listen to what you said or have any chance of being convinced. your heart may be in the right place, but your mouth is so very much in the wrong place.
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yta.
in the words of lebowski, "you're not wrong, walter. you're just an asshole."
being factually correct (which you were) doesn't mean you behaved correctly (you didn't). you inserted yourself into a conversation that didn't involve you for the express purpose of belittling and degrading someone else. you can gently correct someone's incorrect understanding without hurling invective at them and going out of your way to make them feel small.
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esh, you are correct but you handled it poorly.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.332334 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my classmate recently made a tiktok and she showed a group of people at lunch time it. they were next to our table so i overheard the girl say "hey look at my tiktok i made come check it out" and in it she explains how she "rescued" goldfish from the pet store and released them into the ocean so they can live free. i was horrified upon hearing this, i love fish and have several aquariums so i'm fairly knowledgeable on them. i walk over and i ask her to show me the video and i face palmed, she asked me why and i said "you realize you're actually a dumbass right, this is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen" her friend says "well that's just rude, why would you say that, because she cares?" to which i had to explain that goldfish are freshwater fish, they can't survive the ocean because its saltwater so all of those goldfish were dead in minutes. they basically choked to death as salt filled up their gills. lastly, you never release animals into the wild. there are goldfish that are destroying our rivers and lakes because of dumbasses like her. they say that i'm a bully and walk away. i later get called into the principal's office who told me i was expected to apologize, and i said no, i stand by what i said. fuck ignorant people who destroy the environment. my parents were called over and i got sent home and my parents are pissed i refused to apologize. i might get suspended.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my classmate recently made a tiktok and she showed a group of people at lunch time it. they were next to our table so i overheard the girl say "hey look at my tiktok i made come check it out" and in it she explains how she "rescued" goldfish from the pet store and released them into the ocean so they can live free. i was horrified upon hearing this, i love fish and have several aquariums so i'm fairly knowledgeable on them. i walk over and i ask her to show me the video and i face palmed, she asked me why and i said "you realize you're actually a dumbass right, this is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen" her friend says "well that's just rude, why would you say that, because she cares?" to which i had to explain that goldfish are freshwater fish, they can't survive the ocean because its saltwater so all of those goldfish were dead in minutes. they basically choked to death as salt filled up their gills. lastly, you never release animals into the wild. there are goldfish that are destroying our rivers and lakes because of dumbasses like her. they say that i'm a bully and walk away. i later get called into the principal's office who told me i was expected to apologize, and i said no, i stand by what i said. fuck ignorant people who destroy the environment. my parents were called over and i got sent home and my parents are pissed i refused to apologize. i might get suspended. [/INST] nta! you’re 100% right on both counts! that would’ve been a pretty awful death for the gold fish and yeah releasing captive bred animals into the wild usually either results in that animal dying or local flora and fauna suddenly having to compete with an invasive species. she meant well but that stark reality check on your part was definitely warranted </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay back my cousin after my baby ruined her blouse?
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hi all.
i gave birth four weeks ago, and we decided to have a ''baby ceremony'', where everyone gets to meet our lovely daughter charlotte.
my cousin alice and her parents were among the guests. the first thing i'll say about her is that she has expensive taste. she's the sort of person who has a *minimum* price range for how much she spends on clothing. she doesn't own anything that isn't designer and has some items of clothing that cost thousands. she is a banker and still lives with parents so can afford the lifestyle.
it was alice's turn to hold the baby and she was happy to at first, but suddenly charlotte vomited on her. alice handed charlotte back to me and ran off crying, and spent the rest of the event crying in the car. i went to see her to apologise but she didn't want to hear any of it. my mum gave her one of her shirts which was too big for her and she felt completely upset and humiliated.
today i got a call from my mum, saying that she'd been on the phone to her sister (alice's mum) saying that they want me to reimburse the cost of the blouse (roughly £1800) since it was completely ruined.
i have said no. at the end of the day we all know what babies can be like. she took a risk wearing something so expensive knowing a baby was nearby and unfortunately it backfired. i feel bad for her but it was not my fault.
am i doing the right thing by refusing to pay up?
| 33,899 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cw43oc/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_back_my_cousin_after_my/
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2019-08-27 12:58:45
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nta. common sense to not wear expensive clothing around newborns unless you are okay with risking this happening. she should have known better.
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nta she is demanding 1800 from a woman who just had a baby?? at best you should pay for dry cleaning!
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nta. wearing expensive designer shit around what is potentially a living vomit machine is one of the stupidest things you can think of to do. counter them with "i'll happily pay for the dry cleaning on the shirt as a matter of responsibility but nothing more as £1800 on a shirt is something that we can't afford to spend at all and alice should have known that when she attended wearing that"
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nta - not only is alice an asshole, but an idiot for wearing expensive clothing around a month old baby. what the fuck does she think babies that old do? they cry, eat, sleep, shit, and throw up. it's completely on her, and if she doesn't like it, well tough titty said the kitty.
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info. had alice actually spent any time around babies before?
info. why so negative about the fact that she has expensive taste?
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esh. you sound incredibly judgemental towards your cousin and what she spends her money on. seems like she has worked hard for the things she has and probably in her career appearance matters. also someone who hasn't been around children wouldn't know how much babies puke. you should have warned her about what could happen. in the end if your child ruins something it's up to you to pay for it even if it's not directly your fault. for instance if your baby puked in an uber you would still be expected to pay for it.
she's an asshole about the way she reacted but if my shirt was ruined i would also be upset.
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esh your kid did ruin her property and it didn't seem like you made any effort to make it right at the time but who wears something that expensive around an unpredictable baby. you should have offered to pay to get it cleaned when it happened and apologized. you acted like you didn't care at all when you know her clothing means a lot to her.
|
esh.
i don't think it's fair to say cousin is the asshole because she likes nice things. i don't think it's fair to say she needs to dress differently to visit a new parent. i think both of those statements actually make you an asshole. it wasn't like you asked her to babysit and she wore expensive clothing. according to your description, that's how she dresses. everyone else showed up and didn't get vomited on, so why would she expect to?
prior to this she was not asking you to fund her clothing choices, so what she wears and hoe much they cost should not affect you.
your child will do more than vomit on people. they will tear up things, break things, etc. as the responsible parent you may end up paying costs you didn't anticipate paying. this is one of those times, in my opinion.
being a new parent or old parent doesn't excuse you from doing the right thing. maybe the blouse can be dry cleaned or somehow otherwise repaired. if not, in my opinion, you should put money towards a replacement.
next time, maybe offer a diaper or blanket to put over themselves in case someone wants to hold the baby to mitigate this.
and, i get it. when i was a new parent, i didn't know what to expect. things happened i wasn't prepared for. i had to learn quickly to be prepared after being caught unawares. shit happens. vomit happens. but the right thing to do is to fix the situation.
the cousin sucks because instead of coming to you, her and her parent reached out to yours. that's not adult behavior.
|
yta, slightly. i get what you are saying, but how far do you take this. if your child breaks someone's property, do you say "well, we know what kids are like"
i don't know this person, but maybe you should've given her a spit up rag or something to cover herself with
|
info - are you willing to offer to pay for it to be dry cleaned?
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
INFO
| 0.537037 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi all. i gave birth four weeks ago, and we decided to have a ''baby ceremony'', where everyone gets to meet our lovely daughter charlotte. my cousin alice and her parents were among the guests. the first thing i'll say about her is that she has expensive taste. she's the sort of person who has a *minimum* price range for how much she spends on clothing. she doesn't own anything that isn't designer and has some items of clothing that cost thousands. she is a banker and still lives with parents so can afford the lifestyle. it was alice's turn to hold the baby and she was happy to at first, but suddenly charlotte vomited on her. alice handed charlotte back to me and ran off crying, and spent the rest of the event crying in the car. i went to see her to apologise but she didn't want to hear any of it. my mum gave her one of her shirts which was too big for her and she felt completely upset and humiliated. today i got a call from my mum, saying that she'd been on the phone to her sister (alice's mum) saying that they want me to reimburse the cost of the blouse (roughly £1800) since it was completely ruined. i have said no. at the end of the day we all know what babies can be like. she took a risk wearing something so expensive knowing a baby was nearby and unfortunately it backfired. i feel bad for her but it was not my fault. am i doing the right thing by refusing to pay up?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi all. i gave birth four weeks ago, and we decided to have a ''baby ceremony'', where everyone gets to meet our lovely daughter charlotte. my cousin alice and her parents were among the guests. the first thing i'll say about her is that she has expensive taste. she's the sort of person who has a *minimum* price range for how much she spends on clothing. she doesn't own anything that isn't designer and has some items of clothing that cost thousands. she is a banker and still lives with parents so can afford the lifestyle. it was alice's turn to hold the baby and she was happy to at first, but suddenly charlotte vomited on her. alice handed charlotte back to me and ran off crying, and spent the rest of the event crying in the car. i went to see her to apologise but she didn't want to hear any of it. my mum gave her one of her shirts which was too big for her and she felt completely upset and humiliated. today i got a call from my mum, saying that she'd been on the phone to her sister (alice's mum) saying that they want me to reimburse the cost of the blouse (roughly £1800) since it was completely ruined. i have said no. at the end of the day we all know what babies can be like. she took a risk wearing something so expensive knowing a baby was nearby and unfortunately it backfired. i feel bad for her but it was not my fault. am i doing the right thing by refusing to pay up? [/INST] nta. common sense to not wear expensive clothing around newborns unless you are okay with risking this happening. she should have known better. </s>
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AITA for outing my ex as gay after she told everyone that I cheated on her?
|
i know the title sounds absolutely terrible.
my ex and i were together for 5 years. i decided to propose, but she rejected me. the next day, we had a talk. she realized that she was gay, since "i've been trying to hard to please myself from men". we broke up.
the very next day, i get bombarded with text messages. my friends asked if this was true, and they linked me to a post. it was a facebook (who uses facebook) post (exposing me) about me cheating. she said that's why we broke up. now i usually am not evil, but this pissed me off. she was destroying my reputation, for god knows why. i simply commented that the real reason that we broke up was because she is gay. people didn't believe me, until my ex literally screamed at me for outing her. then a lot of people started to call her out for her lies. i know i'm probably a huge asshole. though i feel like she deserves it.
but alas, aita?
no. i did not cheat on her.
yes. i did have sex with someone the day that we broke up. but it was after.
| 33,694 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dwrlls/aita_for_outing_my_ex_as_gay_after_she_told/
|
2019-11-15 14:35:28
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nta, this wasn't revenge. she was telling lies about why you two broke up, you simply corrected them. your reputation was being destroyed; just denying it wouldn't have been convincing so outing her was necessary.
also, she **did** deserve it.
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nta, that was key info about your break up which clears your reputation of being accused of cheating.
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nta. i understand everyone saying everyone sucks but honestly what the fuck was she expecting? she could have at least ran it by you first. you two could have collaborated on a way for her to stay in the closet while also coming up with a decent, non-blaming reason why y'all split.
so while i understand the every sucks votes, i think they're wrong. she tried to save face and ruin your reputation. all you did was defend yourself.
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nta i was going to go with esh because i think outing someone is a horrible thing to do, but i can't. she attempted to ruin your reputation to hide her sexuality. that really isn't fair. should you have outed her? absolutely not. but she opened that can of worms. why not just say "we broke up." even divorce agreements have the "irreconcilable differences" option.
~~info did you actually cheat on her at some point or was the whole thing a total and complete lie?~~
|
nta
what the fuck did she think was going to happen after she slandered your name?!?
|
why did she feel the need to go 'full nuclear'???
couldn't just have said, "it didn't work out"???
why would anyone spread a vicious rumor about someone, if that person could potentially expose you???
nta
|
nta. she lied about you cheating to do only one thing... gain some pity. she could have just as easily said you mutually split and left it there, but no... she decides to smear your name for who's benefit other than her own ego?
she threw an unprovoked punch... whereas you merely told the truth.
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nta. as a gay man i am generally against outing someone. it's their business and you have no part in it. in your situation though she made it your business by telling a horrendous lie about you. she could very easily have said that you two realized you both wanted/needed different things in life and parted amicably and remained friends. all of it would have been true without outing her, but instead she decided to paint a picture with you as the villain.
you had every right to defend yourself, which is what you did. the fact that it ended up outing her was on her. her actions led to this as she started the whole thing. i'm sorry this happened but know that you didn't do anything wrong. leave things at just correcting the record and if you can try to move on, though i know this likely stings quite a bit.
|
info - something about this story isn’t adding up. she had a reason for posting on fb that you cheated, regardless of whether that reason was justified or not; that’s a hell of a lie to make up when you split due to her sexuality.
you said in the comments that you didn’t cheat on her but did sleep with a fwb a few hours later. were you in contact at all with the fwb between her rejecting your proposal and actually breaking up? did she know you slept with the fwb? and if so, how did she find out?
i think there’s more to the fwb situation than you’ve shared (especially since there’s no mention of it in the original post), and even if you were 100% faithful during the relationship itself, there was some assholery present that made her choose the nuclear option of accusing you of cheating.
|
nta
she was literally trying to destroy your reputation.
all she had to do was say "it just didn't work out".
you aren't the asshole for defending yourself.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know the title sounds absolutely terrible. my ex and i were together for 5 years. i decided to propose, but she rejected me. the next day, we had a talk. she realized that she was gay, since "i've been trying to hard to please myself from men". we broke up. the very next day, i get bombarded with text messages. my friends asked if this was true, and they linked me to a post. it was a facebook (who uses facebook) post (exposing me) about me cheating. she said that's why we broke up. now i usually am not evil, but this pissed me off. she was destroying my reputation, for god knows why. i simply commented that the real reason that we broke up was because she is gay. people didn't believe me, until my ex literally screamed at me for outing her. then a lot of people started to call her out for her lies. i know i'm probably a huge asshole. though i feel like she deserves it. but alas, aita? no. i did not cheat on her. yes. i did have sex with someone the day that we broke up. but it was after.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know the title sounds absolutely terrible. my ex and i were together for 5 years. i decided to propose, but she rejected me. the next day, we had a talk. she realized that she was gay, since "i've been trying to hard to please myself from men". we broke up. the very next day, i get bombarded with text messages. my friends asked if this was true, and they linked me to a post. it was a facebook (who uses facebook) post (exposing me) about me cheating. she said that's why we broke up. now i usually am not evil, but this pissed me off. she was destroying my reputation, for god knows why. i simply commented that the real reason that we broke up was because she is gay. people didn't believe me, until my ex literally screamed at me for outing her. then a lot of people started to call her out for her lies. i know i'm probably a huge asshole. though i feel like she deserves it. but alas, aita? no. i did not cheat on her. yes. i did have sex with someone the day that we broke up. but it was after. [/INST] nta, this wasn't revenge. she was telling lies about why you two broke up, you simply corrected them. your reputation was being destroyed; just denying it wouldn't have been convincing so outing her was necessary. also, she **did** deserve it. </s>
|
AITA for throwing them out of a house that we own. Son and future In-Laws decide to exclude his family from wedding. They thought son owned the house not us.
|
my wife and i bought a four bedroom house in pa that my son lives in. our son went to college in pa and wanted to stay in the area. so we bought the house as a second home, we live in nj and commute into manhattan for work. we figured that he would have a place to live and we could visit every so often and spend some quality time together.
we pay the taxes and services / maintenance on the house, our son pays for his groceries and the house utilities. all was going well for a few years, our son meets a girl and they get serious. we met her and she seems nice enough. the announce their engagement and she moves into the house with our son.
now for the problem: the wedding !!!
we hold a little get to know you bbq at the pa house, my son and daughter are there, as are our sons fiancé and her parents, and sisters. we all seem to be getting along well, my wife, daughter and the fiancé go into the house along with her mother an sisters and my son. a few minutes later my wife and daughter come out and are really upset. the come over and tell me we're leaving and driving back to nj. i try to find out what happened. once we get back to nj and they calmed down they tell me that our son and his fiancé along with her family don't want us at the wedding. according to what i was told "we're not their kind of people". i was livid, i called my son and asked him wth this was about. he tells me that her family feel that we are not good enough and will embarrass them at a family wedding and that we are all uninvited from the wedding.
i let a week go by to calm myself down and drive back to the pa house, the new future in-laws are in the house along with the fiancé. it appears that they all moved into the house they ask me why i'm there, i tell them that since we aren't invited to the wedding, i was coming over to talk to my son. they tell me to leave their house. i lost it, and told them that they had 30 days to get out. tell my son i'm selling the house and he could find somewhere else to live with all of you. i go to a realtor in town and list the house for sale.
they call my son at work and tell him what i said. apparently they thought that he owned the house. he calls me and asks why i'm selling his house, i tell him i paid for it along with the taxes on it and it is mine. he was living there rent free, but since he doesn't want us in his new life, he has to get out. i tell him the same as i told his future in-laws they have 30 days to get out then i'll get a lawyer and get them evicted.
am i the ah for taking a hard stance on this. he is my son but thein-laws seem to take over and we no longer count.
| 33,295 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vnl1hw/aita_for_throwing_them_out_of_a_house_that_we_own/
|
2022-06-29 17:19:30
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nta.
and i want an update on this because it sounds nuts.
what kind of people do they think you are? how was your son ok with excluding his whole family? do you think your son’s been brainwashed by his fiancée? how did he think the house was “his” when he didn’t pay the taxes on it?
so many questions.
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nta….you don’t need a lawyer in 30 days, you need one now. i am not familiar with pa tenant laws etc but you need to follow everything by the book so that can’t contest anything. i would also go back and video tape, with time stamp, the entire property, inside and out, so they can be held accountable for any damage done
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nta. they all moved into your house?? that's so bizarre. tell them they're not your kind of people, aka, squatters. 🤣
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nta. i actually find it hilarious he is soo entitled to the house he didn't even expect you to take it back after his actions. i believe this is exactly the reality check he needed.
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nta. but your son must not be very smart. what did he think would happen if he let his in laws try to kick you out of a house you own? why would you let people whose openly say you aren't good enough live rent free in your house?
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nta. excluding his family from the wedding for ridiculous reasons is a pretty big fu to you and your family. he is experiencing the natural consequences of his actions.
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nta- rock on man. he was wrong and there is no amount of excuses or words to convince otherwise. it overall seems toxic and there is no reason why he should allow anyone to exclude his family. i could understand if maybe you haven't been supportive or there were issues but based off what i read it baffles me why he would even do this. don't let in keep going forward if this is the life he wants they can find another house together not use you for an easy life.
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nta. what is wrong with your son?????
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not our kind of people? what, not mooches?
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nta
are you in the market for a new son?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i bought a four bedroom house in pa that my son lives in. our son went to college in pa and wanted to stay in the area. so we bought the house as a second home, we live in nj and commute into manhattan for work. we figured that he would have a place to live and we could visit every so often and spend some quality time together. we pay the taxes and services / maintenance on the house, our son pays for his groceries and the house utilities. all was going well for a few years, our son meets a girl and they get serious. we met her and she seems nice enough. the announce their engagement and she moves into the house with our son. now for the problem: the wedding !!! we hold a little get to know you bbq at the pa house, my son and daughter are there, as are our sons fiancé and her parents, and sisters. we all seem to be getting along well, my wife, daughter and the fiancé go into the house along with her mother an sisters and my son. a few minutes later my wife and daughter come out and are really upset. the come over and tell me we're leaving and driving back to nj. i try to find out what happened. once we get back to nj and they calmed down they tell me that our son and his fiancé along with her family don't want us at the wedding. according to what i was told "we're not their kind of people". i was livid, i called my son and asked him wth this was about. he tells me that her family feel that we are not good enough and will embarrass them at a family wedding and that we are all uninvited from the wedding. i let a week go by to calm myself down and drive back to the pa house, the new future in-laws are in the house along with the fiancé. it appears that they all moved into the house they ask me why i'm there, i tell them that since we aren't invited to the wedding, i was coming over to talk to my son. they tell me to leave their house. i lost it, and told them that they had 30 days to get out. tell my son i'm selling the house and he could find somewhere else to live with all of you. i go to a realtor in town and list the house for sale. they call my son at work and tell him what i said. apparently they thought that he owned the house. he calls me and asks why i'm selling his house, i tell him i paid for it along with the taxes on it and it is mine. he was living there rent free, but since he doesn't want us in his new life, he has to get out. i tell him the same as i told his future in-laws they have 30 days to get out then i'll get a lawyer and get them evicted. am i the ah for taking a hard stance on this. he is my son but thein-laws seem to take over and we no longer count.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i bought a four bedroom house in pa that my son lives in. our son went to college in pa and wanted to stay in the area. so we bought the house as a second home, we live in nj and commute into manhattan for work. we figured that he would have a place to live and we could visit every so often and spend some quality time together. we pay the taxes and services / maintenance on the house, our son pays for his groceries and the house utilities. all was going well for a few years, our son meets a girl and they get serious. we met her and she seems nice enough. the announce their engagement and she moves into the house with our son. now for the problem: the wedding !!! we hold a little get to know you bbq at the pa house, my son and daughter are there, as are our sons fiancé and her parents, and sisters. we all seem to be getting along well, my wife, daughter and the fiancé go into the house along with her mother an sisters and my son. a few minutes later my wife and daughter come out and are really upset. the come over and tell me we're leaving and driving back to nj. i try to find out what happened. once we get back to nj and they calmed down they tell me that our son and his fiancé along with her family don't want us at the wedding. according to what i was told "we're not their kind of people". i was livid, i called my son and asked him wth this was about. he tells me that her family feel that we are not good enough and will embarrass them at a family wedding and that we are all uninvited from the wedding. i let a week go by to calm myself down and drive back to the pa house, the new future in-laws are in the house along with the fiancé. it appears that they all moved into the house they ask me why i'm there, i tell them that since we aren't invited to the wedding, i was coming over to talk to my son. they tell me to leave their house. i lost it, and told them that they had 30 days to get out. tell my son i'm selling the house and he could find somewhere else to live with all of you. i go to a realtor in town and list the house for sale. they call my son at work and tell him what i said. apparently they thought that he owned the house. he calls me and asks why i'm selling his house, i tell him i paid for it along with the taxes on it and it is mine. he was living there rent free, but since he doesn't want us in his new life, he has to get out. i tell him the same as i told his future in-laws they have 30 days to get out then i'll get a lawyer and get them evicted. am i the ah for taking a hard stance on this. he is my son but thein-laws seem to take over and we no longer count. [/INST] nta. and i want an update on this because it sounds nuts. what kind of people do they think you are? how was your son ok with excluding his whole family? do you think your son’s been brainwashed by his fiancée? how did he think the house was “his” when he didn’t pay the taxes on it? so many questions. </s>
|
AITA for pressing charges against my son?
|
my son (28) was visiting us for a couple days and was at my house alone babysitting my daughters kid.
according to my son, the other day my 4-year-old granddaughter (his niece) pulled down the tv and broke it. my son told us that he took the tv to the dump as it was shattered and useless. my daughter and son-in-law (my 4yo granddaughters parents) felt very bad for what had happened and paid the cost of the tv that day.
my husband was watching our security cameras and our son's story doesn't hold up. we never see our granddaughter breaking the tv. all that we see is our son taking away the tv that is not shattered. we asked our son about this and he said that the security camera must have cut out the part that shows our granddaughter breaking the tv.
eventually i got a call from my son's girlfriend that lives with him. she said that she knew what was going on and felt guilty. she basically told us that our son had made up the story about the tv breaking and stole it and took it to their house to watch.
i filed a police report and his girlfriend let the police into their house to get us our tv back. we do plan on pressing charges against him. he stole our tv and made my daughter pay for it. that is messed up on so many levels. aita for pressing charges?
| 33,031 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hk5vqi/aita_for_pressing_charges_against_my_son/
|
2020-07-02 21:29:33
|
nta at all! if you don't press charges, he'll think he can get away with stuff like this! not cool! frankly, you're not only not the asshole, you absolutely did the right thing and should be praised for it! i'm glad his girlfriend had the integrity to come clean! if it's his first offense, he can plea down to a misdemeanor and get some community service, and hopefully learn his lesson before does something that gets him years behind bars!
|
nta
i usually don't agree with involving the police in family disputes but in this case, it was warranted. he blatantly lied about and to a child, forced the hand of your daughter to pay for the replacement cost of the tv, and stole the tv. if confronted, the situation could have escalated, so filing the police report was the right thing to do.
what i'm wondering is what his long game was? like, you would come over to his place, see your old tv and not notice?
|
[deleted]
|
i think it’s within your rights to do so... but pressing charges in a situation like this feels extreme.
info: have you ever had serious issues with his behavior in the past?
e: a prison record will fundamentally ruin someone’s life the majority of the time, and i don’t think a stolen tv is enough to justify that personally. i would only pursue this on my own child until all other avenues - such as counseling/therapy - have been exhausted. if op’s family have already tried to get help for the son, then fine, report them to the cops. for me that would be the absolute last straw to protect the rest of my family.
further, the brother was entrusted with the caretaking of a child. i find that strange if he *did* have a history of erratic or damaging behavior. it just strikes me as totally disproportionate to subject someone to the hellscape that is the criminal justice system for something like this.
|
[deleted]
|
nta
he stole from you.
|
esh just because i think calling the police and pressing charges against your child should be a last resort, not a first choice. a lot of steps need to come before involving the police. you clearly trusted him since he was alone in your home babysitting his niece. you don’t go from trust to charges without first hitting all the steps in between. (you know: talking ... banning him from your home ... insisting that he return your tv ... that sort of thing)
|
family or not, theft is theft. you have every right to press charges against your son for what he did. if you don't do anything, he'll have this mentality that he can get away with anything when it comes to you guys.
nta.
|
nta he needs help.
|
yta you've put charges on your son for something that could have been handled within the family. sounds like your son is probably going through a tough time to get to the point of doing that. why don't you be a parent and figure it out between yourselves.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.243004 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son (28) was visiting us for a couple days and was at my house alone babysitting my daughters kid. according to my son, the other day my 4-year-old granddaughter (his niece) pulled down the tv and broke it. my son told us that he took the tv to the dump as it was shattered and useless. my daughter and son-in-law (my 4yo granddaughters parents) felt very bad for what had happened and paid the cost of the tv that day. my husband was watching our security cameras and our son's story doesn't hold up. we never see our granddaughter breaking the tv. all that we see is our son taking away the tv that is not shattered. we asked our son about this and he said that the security camera must have cut out the part that shows our granddaughter breaking the tv. eventually i got a call from my son's girlfriend that lives with him. she said that she knew what was going on and felt guilty. she basically told us that our son had made up the story about the tv breaking and stole it and took it to their house to watch. i filed a police report and his girlfriend let the police into their house to get us our tv back. we do plan on pressing charges against him. he stole our tv and made my daughter pay for it. that is messed up on so many levels. aita for pressing charges?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son (28) was visiting us for a couple days and was at my house alone babysitting my daughters kid. according to my son, the other day my 4-year-old granddaughter (his niece) pulled down the tv and broke it. my son told us that he took the tv to the dump as it was shattered and useless. my daughter and son-in-law (my 4yo granddaughters parents) felt very bad for what had happened and paid the cost of the tv that day. my husband was watching our security cameras and our son's story doesn't hold up. we never see our granddaughter breaking the tv. all that we see is our son taking away the tv that is not shattered. we asked our son about this and he said that the security camera must have cut out the part that shows our granddaughter breaking the tv. eventually i got a call from my son's girlfriend that lives with him. she said that she knew what was going on and felt guilty. she basically told us that our son had made up the story about the tv breaking and stole it and took it to their house to watch. i filed a police report and his girlfriend let the police into their house to get us our tv back. we do plan on pressing charges against him. he stole our tv and made my daughter pay for it. that is messed up on so many levels. aita for pressing charges? [/INST] nta at all! if you don't press charges, he'll think he can get away with stuff like this! not cool! frankly, you're not only not the asshole, you absolutely did the right thing and should be praised for it! i'm glad his girlfriend had the integrity to come clean! if it's his first offense, he can plea down to a misdemeanor and get some community service, and hopefully learn his lesson before does something that gets him years behind bars! </s>
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AITA for refusing to ''see other options'' for a girl and pressing charges for what she did to my son's car?
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my (39m) son (17m) bryce dated our neighbor lana (17f) for a year, they broke up mid jan for reasons i don't know. i won't sugarcoat this, i never liked lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. the thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much.
my wife and i tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up.
he said that after he broke up with her lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but i told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. now the problem is that we bought my son a car for christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've cctv). still, something smell bad for me so i decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case.
well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, bryce and my wife were so distraught. we called the police and i handled them the cctv that showed lana and her brother (23m) destroying my son's car. we pressed charges and needles to say, lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but i refused. i don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. my wife and i want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put lana on therapy but is not enough. aita?
| 32,973 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t2z9oa/aita_for_refusing_to_see_other_options_for_a_girl/
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2022-02-27 22:12:02
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nta. this is the wake up call she needs
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nta
if you cave, you’re literally teaching lana that no matter what criminal or sociopathic acts she does in the future, her parents will buy her way out of trouble.
she needs to learn early there are consequences to criminal actions.
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nta and tell a lawyer they tried to bribe you. pretty sure that’s illegal
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lana needs therapy. and press charges. possibly since she is minor with mental health issues she may get steered in the right direction. but if you drop this, she gets a free pass and could go worse next time. physical violence against an object (car) could escalate to
physical violence against your son. i wouldn’t want to take that chance.
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[removed]
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nta! you need to stay the course. this girl needs to know her actions have serious consequences. and more than that, i’m happy your son has such supportive parents
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nta
she's old enough to learn lessons on actions and consequences. in fact, now is a good age before things get a lot more serious and she is actually liable for jail time.
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nta. depending on where you live and that the girl is only 17 i'm guessing her parents will end up buying your son a car anyway. be sure to press civil charges for the destruction of his vehicle. she needs to learn there are consequences for her actions. play stupid games win stupid prizes as they say.
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nta. this is a golden opportunity for her to learn that actions have consequences.
why are the parents ok with their son being punished more than their daughter who instigated the whole thing. that's the ah move!
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nta. therapy isn't going to help her if she hasn't accepted that she's in the wrong and her behaviour needs to change. it will be entirely meaningless for her, especially as her family is just reinforcing the behaviour by helping trash the car, and bailing her out.
consequences for said behaviour are the only way she will see it as needing to change, and eventually accept help. and it's well past time she received some.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (39m) son (17m) bryce dated our neighbor lana (17f) for a year, they broke up mid jan for reasons i don't know. i won't sugarcoat this, i never liked lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. the thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much. my wife and i tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up. he said that after he broke up with her lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but i told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. now the problem is that we bought my son a car for christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've cctv). still, something smell bad for me so i decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case. well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, bryce and my wife were so distraught. we called the police and i handled them the cctv that showed lana and her brother (23m) destroying my son's car. we pressed charges and needles to say, lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but i refused. i don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. my wife and i want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put lana on therapy but is not enough. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (39m) son (17m) bryce dated our neighbor lana (17f) for a year, they broke up mid jan for reasons i don't know. i won't sugarcoat this, i never liked lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. the thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much. my wife and i tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up. he said that after he broke up with her lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but i told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. now the problem is that we bought my son a car for christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've cctv). still, something smell bad for me so i decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case. well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, bryce and my wife were so distraught. we called the police and i handled them the cctv that showed lana and her brother (23m) destroying my son's car. we pressed charges and needles to say, lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but i refused. i don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. my wife and i want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put lana on therapy but is not enough. aita? [/INST] nta. this is the wake up call she needs </s>
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AITA for saying that my daughter inherits my house "no matter what"?
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i'm a single mom in my 50s with one daughter. i got very lucky in that i bought a home in the bay area nearly 30 years ago for around $230k before the tech boom and now the house is worth about $1m.
i have a 23 year old daughter camila who grew up in that house and she moved out last year to go live with her boyfriend. i've never explicitly told my daughter "the house will be yours" nor has she asked anything about it, but just sort of common sense - that's my daughter. who else would i give it to?
one important note - there are 2 homes in the neighborhood that are owned by lower middle class people (me and a neighbor who's been here as long as i have). otherwise, our neighbors are engineers and software developers. the bay area is simply un-affordable if you're not in tech. my daughter is a hair stylist.
my fiance steven and i have been together for 2 years. he has 2 young children (elementary school) he has joint custody of who i adore and i'm excited to help raise them. steven and i don't have a ton in the bank so a pre-nup seemed silly if it weren't for the house. i told him that i'm ready to combine finances and plan long term with him, but i wanted a pre-nup agreement just for the house. it's a non-negotiable for me that my daughter inherits the house. he wasn't happy with this. he said that $1m split 3 ways is enough for all 3 kids to get a headstart in life. i disagree, i paid 80% of the mortgage by myself and camila is my only child. she can have her dream life (working as a hair stylist, living in the bay area) with this house but will be unhappy (have to move out to a less desirable area) if it's split.
i spoke to camila about this and she agrees that she should get the house and said she always planned on inheriting it, just like i always planned on giving it to her.
| 32,840 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k9husr/aita_for_saying_that_my_daughter_inherits_my/
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2020-12-09 01:25:17
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nta. you have been with this man 2 years and he is demanding that his kids receive an equal share of the home you paid for and raised your daughter in decades before he even existed for you? that's absurd.
if you're going to marry this man and merge finances with him, you need to speak to an attorney first and make sure your wishes you your home will be followed in the event that anything should happen. but first you should ask yourself, if you have to go to great lengths to protect your child from his greed and entitlement, if marriage and merging finances is something you really want to do with this person.
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nta. the house was purchased 30 years ago, long before you met steven, and it is your separate property. i would not add him to your house deed. ianal, but i certainly would consult an attorney versed in estate law. i have my eyebrows raised that a fiancé’ of 2 years thinks his two children should get an equal share of your house that is your separate property, and that you have paid the mortgage on for nearly 30 years. please, protect yourself and contact an attorney.
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i have lived in bay area. 1/3 of that house will not go far for giving camila the future you and she want her to have. you are passing your good fortune, and hard work, on to your daughter. makes perfect sense to me.
between steven and his ex, they have the right and responsibility to provide for their two children as best they can.
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nta, that’s your house. i think the prenup is a fantastic idea as it is your investment, you shouldn’t risk losing it if things go south.
i am just floored he thinks his kids are entitled to 2/3 of the value. wtff?!?
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lady, you’ve been with that man all of two years. you better stop playing. this isn’t even a question. that house belongs to you and should go to your daughter. all due respect, fuck them kids. nta
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nta why does he think his kids should get so much when it's your house. that's crazy to me. proceed with caution
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nta.
don't marry him if he refused to sign a prenup and get that desire in writing with your will or he and his kids will have grounds to contest it later.
please don't marry without a prenup and if you have to make it a long engagement. don't even set a date until he agrees and signs.
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this guy is basically just paying rent and he wants to control 33% of your assets? regardless of his intentions, that house is your property and a prenup is a reasonable request in this situation. don’t back down, at the end of the day that house is for your daughter and you need to stand your ground.
nta
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nta. please, please, please:
1. do not give in on this. it's too important to let feelings get in the way.
2. reconsider getting married. really. this guy does not sound like a winner.
3. go see a lawyer - yesterday. you need to be very careful to get this right, especially if you are determined to go through with marrying this dude.
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nta - it's your house to do with as you please. but, if you are positive that you will not change your mind about this, you may want to consider putting the house into an irrevocable trust for your daughter, it would keep your house from going through probate and would keep it from being part of any challenges to your will or to the prenup. i'm not saying it's definitely be a better option for you, but it might be worth discussing with an attorney or financial planner.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a single mom in my 50s with one daughter. i got very lucky in that i bought a home in the bay area nearly 30 years ago for around $230k before the tech boom and now the house is worth about $1m. i have a 23 year old daughter camila who grew up in that house and she moved out last year to go live with her boyfriend. i've never explicitly told my daughter "the house will be yours" nor has she asked anything about it, but just sort of common sense - that's my daughter. who else would i give it to? one important note - there are 2 homes in the neighborhood that are owned by lower middle class people (me and a neighbor who's been here as long as i have). otherwise, our neighbors are engineers and software developers. the bay area is simply un-affordable if you're not in tech. my daughter is a hair stylist. my fiance steven and i have been together for 2 years. he has 2 young children (elementary school) he has joint custody of who i adore and i'm excited to help raise them. steven and i don't have a ton in the bank so a pre-nup seemed silly if it weren't for the house. i told him that i'm ready to combine finances and plan long term with him, but i wanted a pre-nup agreement just for the house. it's a non-negotiable for me that my daughter inherits the house. he wasn't happy with this. he said that $1m split 3 ways is enough for all 3 kids to get a headstart in life. i disagree, i paid 80% of the mortgage by myself and camila is my only child. she can have her dream life (working as a hair stylist, living in the bay area) with this house but will be unhappy (have to move out to a less desirable area) if it's split. i spoke to camila about this and she agrees that she should get the house and said she always planned on inheriting it, just like i always planned on giving it to her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a single mom in my 50s with one daughter. i got very lucky in that i bought a home in the bay area nearly 30 years ago for around $230k before the tech boom and now the house is worth about $1m. i have a 23 year old daughter camila who grew up in that house and she moved out last year to go live with her boyfriend. i've never explicitly told my daughter "the house will be yours" nor has she asked anything about it, but just sort of common sense - that's my daughter. who else would i give it to? one important note - there are 2 homes in the neighborhood that are owned by lower middle class people (me and a neighbor who's been here as long as i have). otherwise, our neighbors are engineers and software developers. the bay area is simply un-affordable if you're not in tech. my daughter is a hair stylist. my fiance steven and i have been together for 2 years. he has 2 young children (elementary school) he has joint custody of who i adore and i'm excited to help raise them. steven and i don't have a ton in the bank so a pre-nup seemed silly if it weren't for the house. i told him that i'm ready to combine finances and plan long term with him, but i wanted a pre-nup agreement just for the house. it's a non-negotiable for me that my daughter inherits the house. he wasn't happy with this. he said that $1m split 3 ways is enough for all 3 kids to get a headstart in life. i disagree, i paid 80% of the mortgage by myself and camila is my only child. she can have her dream life (working as a hair stylist, living in the bay area) with this house but will be unhappy (have to move out to a less desirable area) if it's split. i spoke to camila about this and she agrees that she should get the house and said she always planned on inheriting it, just like i always planned on giving it to her. [/INST] nta. you have been with this man 2 years and he is demanding that his kids receive an equal share of the home you paid for and raised your daughter in decades before he even existed for you? that's absurd. if you're going to marry this man and merge finances with him, you need to speak to an attorney first and make sure your wishes you your home will be followed in the event that anything should happen. but first you should ask yourself, if you have to go to great lengths to protect your child from his greed and entitlement, if marriage and merging finances is something you really want to do with this person. </s>
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AITA for helping my friend get a girl removed from the soccer team?
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i (16f) have a friend named aysha (15f). aysha is muslim and wears a hijab to school which often causes people to give her dirty looks, comments, etc. i don’t know why. it’s just cloth.
anyway the worst instance possible was with this girl named megan (also 15f). when we were sitting together at lunch she came up to aysha and i and told aysha she dared her to take her hijab off, taunting her saying she would look so pretty without it. (this was with malicious intent because i told her one time thinking she was just clueless and wanted to educate her)
then she forcibly tried to remove her hijab. i moved her hand away and we went to the principal. instead of getting a punishment, megan made up a sob story about how it would harm her position on some prestigious soccer club she was in.
fast forward to a few days ago. she makes a tiktok that said “when you get called to the principals office for telling the muslim girl to take off her durag”.
i was so livid for her. aysha is very shy and didn’t want to seem like a buzzkill, so she asked me personally to email the soccer organization. well, i did, and she was immediately kicked off and other organizations in the area were notified of her behavior.
now, all of her friends are in my dms saying how horrible i am, how i’m a retard, how i need to take a joke, etc. my parents think i should have stayed out of it. but i think i did the right thing.
| 32,662 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3t3vb/aita_for_helping_my_friend_get_a_girl_removed/
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2020-08-04 22:17:25
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nta, you didn't get her kicked off the team, her actions did.
she's ta, and so are her friends. you did the right thing.
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nta
wtf where’s the joke? people really care more about soccer and tiktok then being a humane person.
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nta - thank you for promoting basic human decency.
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nta- have you seen the clip where a soccer player lost full coverage with her hijab and the other women, even opposition, stop to huddle around her while she fixed it? when there are so many of those women in the world, why would a soccer team want an islamaphobic player? her own actions got her booted from the club, and for good reason.
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nta racism should never be tolerated and you were helping your friend.
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nta and good for you, you are a great friend and an even better human. megan needs to learn from the consequences of her racism, xenophobia, and flat out assault (removing the hijab!!!!! wtf)
also, your parents could/should learn a thing or two from you.
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nta - i wanna make this clear: you are a good friend and a good person! you did the exact right thing, since the adults in your life and your school were too cowardly to punish this bigot and bully properly. what she did crossed a line no one should cross. hold your head up high! i am proud of you.
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nta. her and her friends are disgustingly racist. block them all.
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nta. you did the right thing. people need to have consequences for bullying and bigotry.
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nta. fuck racists.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (16f) have a friend named aysha (15f). aysha is muslim and wears a hijab to school which often causes people to give her dirty looks, comments, etc. i don’t know why. it’s just cloth. anyway the worst instance possible was with this girl named megan (also 15f). when we were sitting together at lunch she came up to aysha and i and told aysha she dared her to take her hijab off, taunting her saying she would look so pretty without it. (this was with malicious intent because i told her one time thinking she was just clueless and wanted to educate her) then she forcibly tried to remove her hijab. i moved her hand away and we went to the principal. instead of getting a punishment, megan made up a sob story about how it would harm her position on some prestigious soccer club she was in. fast forward to a few days ago. she makes a tiktok that said “when you get called to the principals office for telling the muslim girl to take off her durag”. i was so livid for her. aysha is very shy and didn’t want to seem like a buzzkill, so she asked me personally to email the soccer organization. well, i did, and she was immediately kicked off and other organizations in the area were notified of her behavior. now, all of her friends are in my dms saying how horrible i am, how i’m a retard, how i need to take a joke, etc. my parents think i should have stayed out of it. but i think i did the right thing.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (16f) have a friend named aysha (15f). aysha is muslim and wears a hijab to school which often causes people to give her dirty looks, comments, etc. i don’t know why. it’s just cloth. anyway the worst instance possible was with this girl named megan (also 15f). when we were sitting together at lunch she came up to aysha and i and told aysha she dared her to take her hijab off, taunting her saying she would look so pretty without it. (this was with malicious intent because i told her one time thinking she was just clueless and wanted to educate her) then she forcibly tried to remove her hijab. i moved her hand away and we went to the principal. instead of getting a punishment, megan made up a sob story about how it would harm her position on some prestigious soccer club she was in. fast forward to a few days ago. she makes a tiktok that said “when you get called to the principals office for telling the muslim girl to take off her durag”. i was so livid for her. aysha is very shy and didn’t want to seem like a buzzkill, so she asked me personally to email the soccer organization. well, i did, and she was immediately kicked off and other organizations in the area were notified of her behavior. now, all of her friends are in my dms saying how horrible i am, how i’m a retard, how i need to take a joke, etc. my parents think i should have stayed out of it. but i think i did the right thing. [/INST] nta, you didn't get her kicked off the team, her actions did. she's ta, and so are her friends. you did the right thing. </s>
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AITA for saying my sister needs to stop bringing up her miscarriage for attention?
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okay this is a doozy, so please strap in and bear with me. for context here, my sister is 30, i am 22.
ten years ago, my sister had a miscarriage. obviously, it was devastating for her and the whole family and it took her a couple of years to fully heal from it. we're still not 100% sure why it happened, but it was a one off and she's since had three very healthy, beautiful children, including a set of twins.
so here's the thing. my sister and i don't really get on. she resented me as a kid because she had to share mum's attention and because she thought mum left her dad to be with mine. never really grew out of that resentment and she was pretty much my biggest bully throughout childhood and my teenage years. one thing she absolutely cannot stand is when mum and i do things without her, or when mum pays more attention to me than to her. when this happens she calls mum and says she's feeling really upset about the miscarriage and without fail mum goes running. this includes a trip to paris i took mum on for her birthday earlier this year, which she cut short because sister said she needed her. also includes when i had a manic episode so bad i was hospitalised and sister managed to need mum every time she was planning to visit me and so she never did. note, these times when mum is spending more time with me than her are the only times sister brings up what happened and certainly the only times she still gets so upset about it.
so recently i was sick. like, don't leave the bathroom for days, can only keep water down sick. didn't manage to get the doctor, but i think it was norovirus. it lasted about a week mum was popping in daily on her way home from work to check on me and stuff. on the last day of being seriously unwell, when i felt i could eat again, mum offered to make me some soup while she was there, which i accepted. she was halfway through making it when sister called her saying she was upset about the miscarriage and she told me i'd have to finish it myself because she had to go. i didn't say anything to mum and i finished making the soup, but i sent my sister a text saying she really needs to stop bringing it up for attention because she can't bear me getting some instead. i guess she told mum and her dad because i'm hearing from all sides what a horrible, insensitive, selfish bastard i am and how dare i say that to her. i understand she may still be traumatised, i just think it's really weird how that trauma solely manifests whenever i'm getting attention and she isn't. aita?
| 32,615 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eejyso/aita_for_saying_my_sister_needs_to_stop_bringing/
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2019-12-23 12:22:44
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nta ten years? with other, healthy children? yeah that's some bs you're not in the wrong here.
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nta - oh my god. miscarriages are so common. while they are sad, she is totally just doing it for attention. im surprised your mom falls for it. but, since everyone falls for it, i guess there is nothing you can do. honestly, you should feel bad for your sister. she is so insecure in her relationship with your mom that she doesn’t think she is capable of getting her attention. she thinks she needs to talk about this to be noticed
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nta
it's been 10 years. she has children now. she needs to grow up and realize it's not all about her.
you should explain to your mom your side in full with examples of your sister pulling this. and your sister needs some serious therapy
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nta. your mother is ta. your sister keeps this jackass behavior up because it works. this one’s on your mom. i get that you don’t like your sister so it’s easier to be mad at her, but think about it. who bails on you when your sister snaps her fingers? mom. your beef is with mom. so while i don’t think saying that to your sister makes you ta, i do think you’re directing your energy in an unproductive direction. talk to the person whose behavior is actually upsetting you.
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nta
miscarriages are common that doesn’t make it not sad but it’s definitely not something she can keep doing this shit with. tell her if it’s such a ptsd causing event that she should get therapy.
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nta: i have a similar type situation with my sister. cant talk to my mom on the phone w/out her coming in to listen or interjecting or mom having to go because she (or her two kids my parents are practically raising cause she wont) needs something. its gotten so bad i rarely call anymore and now mom wants to know why. im like cause you never have time for me. only for them. you can call when you are totally free. sounds like you are gonna have to set some clear boundaries with your family as well. so sorry you have to deal with this. hope you can figure out something to get some peace.
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nta but this is more on your mom for giving in.
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it’s possible that you have a skewed data set here, and that you only hear about your sister getting upset about her miscarriage when it impacts you. otherwise it wouldn’t be necessary for your mum to tell you each time your sister calls upset.
no ruling.. just saying this could be a possibility, in which case i can understand why your parents think you’re ta.
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nta. your mum needs to stop pandering to this nonsense, cutting a holiday short over something that happened ten years ago is ridiculous and she's enabling your sister's selfish behaviour.
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esh, but i think your mom is the worst
you - even though from what you described you’re not being treated fairly, you didn’t have to accuse your sister of using the miscarriage for attention. it sounds like you two don’t talk very often so how would you know how often she talks about it? yeah, most people get over something like that within ten years, but it’s not your life event, and from what you’ve said you can’t say for sure she’s doing this consciously or maliciously.
your sister - mostly for the bullying, possibly for using the miscarriage for sympathy (need more information or a different perspective to say for sure - is she deliberately doing this or is she really not over it/have mental health issues?).
your mom - your mom is the biggest asshole here for taking your sisters needs over yours. with the circumstances you described you needed your mom more than your sister, but your mom took her side. in my eyes it doesn’t really matter what your sister gives as an excuse for why she needs your mom more, the real problem is your mom prioritizing your sister over you. the key to addressing this is talking with your mom.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay this is a doozy, so please strap in and bear with me. for context here, my sister is 30, i am 22. ten years ago, my sister had a miscarriage. obviously, it was devastating for her and the whole family and it took her a couple of years to fully heal from it. we're still not 100% sure why it happened, but it was a one off and she's since had three very healthy, beautiful children, including a set of twins. so here's the thing. my sister and i don't really get on. she resented me as a kid because she had to share mum's attention and because she thought mum left her dad to be with mine. never really grew out of that resentment and she was pretty much my biggest bully throughout childhood and my teenage years. one thing she absolutely cannot stand is when mum and i do things without her, or when mum pays more attention to me than to her. when this happens she calls mum and says she's feeling really upset about the miscarriage and without fail mum goes running. this includes a trip to paris i took mum on for her birthday earlier this year, which she cut short because sister said she needed her. also includes when i had a manic episode so bad i was hospitalised and sister managed to need mum every time she was planning to visit me and so she never did. note, these times when mum is spending more time with me than her are the only times sister brings up what happened and certainly the only times she still gets so upset about it. so recently i was sick. like, don't leave the bathroom for days, can only keep water down sick. didn't manage to get the doctor, but i think it was norovirus. it lasted about a week mum was popping in daily on her way home from work to check on me and stuff. on the last day of being seriously unwell, when i felt i could eat again, mum offered to make me some soup while she was there, which i accepted. she was halfway through making it when sister called her saying she was upset about the miscarriage and she told me i'd have to finish it myself because she had to go. i didn't say anything to mum and i finished making the soup, but i sent my sister a text saying she really needs to stop bringing it up for attention because she can't bear me getting some instead. i guess she told mum and her dad because i'm hearing from all sides what a horrible, insensitive, selfish bastard i am and how dare i say that to her. i understand she may still be traumatised, i just think it's really weird how that trauma solely manifests whenever i'm getting attention and she isn't. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay this is a doozy, so please strap in and bear with me. for context here, my sister is 30, i am 22. ten years ago, my sister had a miscarriage. obviously, it was devastating for her and the whole family and it took her a couple of years to fully heal from it. we're still not 100% sure why it happened, but it was a one off and she's since had three very healthy, beautiful children, including a set of twins. so here's the thing. my sister and i don't really get on. she resented me as a kid because she had to share mum's attention and because she thought mum left her dad to be with mine. never really grew out of that resentment and she was pretty much my biggest bully throughout childhood and my teenage years. one thing she absolutely cannot stand is when mum and i do things without her, or when mum pays more attention to me than to her. when this happens she calls mum and says she's feeling really upset about the miscarriage and without fail mum goes running. this includes a trip to paris i took mum on for her birthday earlier this year, which she cut short because sister said she needed her. also includes when i had a manic episode so bad i was hospitalised and sister managed to need mum every time she was planning to visit me and so she never did. note, these times when mum is spending more time with me than her are the only times sister brings up what happened and certainly the only times she still gets so upset about it. so recently i was sick. like, don't leave the bathroom for days, can only keep water down sick. didn't manage to get the doctor, but i think it was norovirus. it lasted about a week mum was popping in daily on her way home from work to check on me and stuff. on the last day of being seriously unwell, when i felt i could eat again, mum offered to make me some soup while she was there, which i accepted. she was halfway through making it when sister called her saying she was upset about the miscarriage and she told me i'd have to finish it myself because she had to go. i didn't say anything to mum and i finished making the soup, but i sent my sister a text saying she really needs to stop bringing it up for attention because she can't bear me getting some instead. i guess she told mum and her dad because i'm hearing from all sides what a horrible, insensitive, selfish bastard i am and how dare i say that to her. i understand she may still be traumatised, i just think it's really weird how that trauma solely manifests whenever i'm getting attention and she isn't. aita? [/INST] nta ten years? with other, healthy children? yeah that's some bs you're not in the wrong here. </s>
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AITA for not letting my girlfriend wear her “unique” dress to a wedding?
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updated!
throwaway account because she uses reddit.
my (m25) girlfriend (f30) nat has a very particular sense of style. picture harley finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea.
don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! in fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. the thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. no problem. it’s cute. but now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. to my friend’s wedding. he and his fiancé are gay. i told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? the dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “i support gay rats” on the front.
my friend is not a big fan of the way my gf dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”.
the wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. should i just let her go with the dress? am i the asshole in this situation?
| 32,578 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ser504/aita_for_not_letting_my_girlfriend_wear_her/
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2022-01-28 13:44:37
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nta
that’s very inappropriate for a wedding. not to mention, kinda insulting.
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to be fair, it’s not that you aren’t letting her; you can’t stop her and you’re not pretending you can. nobody can paint you as being controlling in this.
all you’re doing is telling her how unbelievably crass it would be to wear that dress, how disrespectful it would seem, how poorly it would be received and overall how much of a weapons-grade flaming asshole she would be to wear it to these guys’ wedding.
nta. holy shit, does she not see how incredibly dehumanising and objectifying what she wants to do is? it’s a gay wedding, so that makes a *meme about rats* a good fit? “throw some rainbow shit at it, the gays love rainbows” seems to broadly summarise her take.
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that seems incredibly inappropriate to wear to a wedding….
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nta- the wedding is not about her. she should not wear anything inappropriate (a dress with rats and gay prides class is 100% inappropriate). she should not wear anything that will draw too much attention away from the bride and groom.
updated rules of wedding attire:
- no wearing white
- no rat dresses (can’t believe this needs to be clarified)
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nta. this is a bad idea. the wedding is not her chance to make a creative splash. she needs to take a step back as a guest at a friends wedding and let the day be about the couple.
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nta. the implication that the grooms are rats is uncool at their wedding. it’s rude. this is not about her sense of style but about support for your friends.
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nta. but honestly you would be, if you brought her as a +1 while wearing that dress. she sounds either completely socially unaware, or just selfish, if at age 30, she still doesn’t understand that a wedding day is extremely expensive, stressful, special, and cherished by the grooms, and she should not use it as a chance to display her creativity and make a spectacle. since she’s so completely unaware, it sadly falls to you to “manage” her in this situation, and you wbta if you don’t protect your friend’s event from that rude and disrespectful dress. if she remains stubborn about wearing it, don’t be afraid to just rsvp for one.
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nta
i don't usually approve of men telling women how to dress.
1. however this is **your friends wedding** and you don't think he would like it.
2. she is a +1 she needs to respect her status at this wedding
3. she needs to respect the feelings of the grooms.
4. especially as her dress while lgb supportive is overtly political
5. her dress is designed to draw attention not something you do at a wedding. all eyes should be on the couple getting married not the guest in the attention grabbing outfit.
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maybe remind your gf these are two people in real life and not two rats getting married?
idk. just a crazy thought.
nta.
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nta, she really likes her attention huh? 🚩
a wedding is not a place for your girlfriend to demonstrate her creativity or take over the spotlight. it’s not her art exhibition or fashion runway, it’s a place for her to dress up appropriately and attend a wedding in support of two people joining their lives together. and not to be a sideshow.
ps: “i support gay rats” is a statement ripe for misunderstanding and offense from a lot of the guests. i’m not even familiar with this meme myself and am an elder millennial. so pretty sure those older than me are likely not to get it either.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: updated! throwaway account because she uses reddit. my (m25) girlfriend (f30) nat has a very particular sense of style. picture harley finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea. don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! in fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. the thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. no problem. it’s cute. but now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. to my friend’s wedding. he and his fiancé are gay. i told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? the dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “i support gay rats” on the front. my friend is not a big fan of the way my gf dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”. the wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. should i just let her go with the dress? am i the asshole in this situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
updated! throwaway account because she uses reddit. my (m25) girlfriend (f30) nat has a very particular sense of style. picture harley finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea. don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! in fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. the thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. no problem. it’s cute. but now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. to my friend’s wedding. he and his fiancé are gay. i told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? the dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “i support gay rats” on the front. my friend is not a big fan of the way my gf dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”. the wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. should i just let her go with the dress? am i the asshole in this situation? [/INST] nta that’s very inappropriate for a wedding. not to mention, kinda insulting. </s>
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AITA? My mom is an influencer. I am sick of being a part of it, I had "NO PHOTOS" hoodies printed for me and my little sister.
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i am a teenager and my mom is kinda famous on instagram and blogging. she had a mommy blog all when i was growing up and of course me and my sister were always involved.
it sucks because there's so much our there about us and it's what's gonna come up when i'm looking for a job, when i'm dating, when anyone looks up my name.
i found a website that will print custom jackets, print all over the front and back and arms... and i ordered some hoodies that say a bunch of phrases all over them.
"no photos" "no videos" "i do not consent to be photographed" "no means no" "respect my privacy" "no cameras" "no profiting off my image"
it sounds silly but it looks pretty sick actually. i got one for me and one for my nine year old sister who's started to not always want photos.
and i guess the idea is that my mom can't take good looking pictures, even candid ones, with us in the hoodies without them having a pretty strong message that we don't want to be in pictures.
my mom was mad when they showed up, and really mad when i'm wearing mine. like she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by, she won't post ones without asking
but i know that's a whole mess anyway; she always says that and then negotiates me into letting her post, like either by saying that's how she makes income so if i want money for something, to stop arguing about pictures. or posting without asking and then saying i thought it would be ok because you're face wasn't visible / you're just in the background, etc.
and i'm always like "no you didn't think. if you thought at all you'd remember what i said i want. no new pictures of me or mentions of me online. remove all pictures that include me that you've ever posted. and delete any writing that mentions me.
i am just so fed up, and upset that my mom is mad at me for wearing my new hoodie everyday. she's mad i won't take it off for any event and thinks it's inappropriate to wear to certian things.
i know it's really weird looking but it feels like my only option.
edit to add a couple more things... she also says all the mentions of consent and "no means no" and "this body is my own" (sorry forgot to mention that one earlier) imply something more inappropriate and that it is really inappropriate to wear those words out in public. we've also fought about me wearing it to family events and school events with a generally dressier dress code, because it looks like a "gangster hoody". i don't know what to say to that, but i don't agree
aita for always wearing my no photos hoodie?
| 32,571 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/evqd98/aita_my_mom_is_an_influencer_i_am_sick_of_being_a/
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2020-01-29 17:55:20
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nta - your mom has exploited you all your life, for money. that's shitty enough, but then to try and guilt-trip/manipulate you into continuing to participate even though you've told her explicitly you don't want to be a part of it anymore? that is beyond the pale.
it's not like being an influencer is the only job on earth. go work in a travel agency or something!
it's also not like she couldn't continue to be a blogger - she'd just have to rebrand to one that doesn't focus on being a "mommy" (yuck).
surely being a mom isn't the only interesting thing about her?
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nta. you have every right to feel that way. i think the hoodie is a brilliant idea!
this is really interesting actually. perhaps legislation needs to be introduced to protect children from this kind of thing. we need a national discussion about the privacy rights of kids.
-thanks for the award!!
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nta.
finally yall are old enough to complain.
we have been worried about kids in your position for years but they were all too young to stand up for themselves. you are a part of a larger reckoning. contact other kids in your situation. start a club. sue the shit out of your parents maybe one day.
what you went through is not normal and horrifying to normal adults without narcissistic personality disorder.
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your mom isn't "negotiating;" she's demanding and manipulating. in her case, it is her job to post photos, and she's made you a part of her brand, meaning her followers expect to see you and your sister. you're gaining autonomy as you get older, which means the break away from your parents as an individual may be a bit more entangled than for your average teen. it's going to take some very defined boundaries, but whether or not you can enforce them at your age and in your situation is questionable. you've taken a step towards this with your hoodie (which was a creative and definitive solution, btw).
how long, i wonder, until your mom is selling those hoodies as part of her merch?
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nta. it’s been really interesting/kind of heartbreaking watching this sort of privacy violation unfold over the last two decades. people who make a living writing or photographing and posting about their kids, who can’t consent at a very young age — that feels questionable as it is. people who get salty to their kids when the kids point out how much it affects them, how much it can hurt them, and how selfish a process it is... that’s deeply uncool in my opinion.
i’ve read pieces by moms about their daughters’ first periods, or their first kiss, or their first breakup. that’s so far across the line. i also think this kind of boundary-crossing happens allllll the time to kids with disabilities whose parents turn the story into one of their own sainthood or suffering — as a writer, i’ve always thought the only ethical way to do memoir or personal essays is to focus on change or trouble or growth within yourself, not steal stories from people who don’t want you to spill their business to the world.
i hope your mom grows to understand your boundaries, and if not to understand them then at least respect them. you have every right to be worried about your future and your privacy.
there was a 2016 blowup about this exact mommy-blogger issue, where a mom wrote about her daughter finding out her business was all over the internet — the mom doubled down about how this was her artistic expression and she wasn’t going to take anything down. people were... not supportive of that mom’s perspective for the most part, as far as i could tell.
best wishes. your mom’s violating your privacy. wear your sweatshirt with a clear conscience until she gets it.
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nta
it amazes me how many parents forget that our kids are not our property.
i share stores about my children online. however, i do not use my real name, i do not use their real names, and i do not post their photos. why? because that’s not my right. their lives will be forever impacted by what is posted online, and they deserve to chose what is shared. if i want to post about my own toilet habits, or my own tantrum or meltdown, that’s fine. it’s not my right to share theirs though. op, tell your mom that if she needs money, walmart is hiring. she can get a real job.
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>she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by
nta. she can do that by keeping pics on her phone or in an album.
she's using you and sister as part of her "brand" without your consent. you have every right to ask her to take down all pics of you.
i'm in my late 20s so thankfully missed out on having my childhood shared online for the whole world to see.
enjoy wearing your hoody and i'm willing to buy you one in another colour if you'd like!
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nta. maybe turn the tables on her. contact a journalist that would be willing to write a piece about kids of these "influencers". you can be anonymous.
&#x200b;
or create an account that documents your mom documenting you. but blur her face on the pics.
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nta i'm surprised she hasn't gotten rid of the hoodies lol
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nta. you are completely right to feel like your privacy is being invaded.
my uncle has a job in social media directing and do you know how he addresses his kids on social media? oldest kid is #1, middle kid is #2, and youngest is #3. he never tags them or links his children’s social media’s, or ever mention their names.
on facebook he doesn’t have their relation to him listed. if another family member makes a comment that has the children’s names, he deletes the comments.
he does post pictures of them, and seeing as that’s your mom’s income, you guys might need to find a compromise on when she can post? even parents who don’t make a living off of their instagrams & blogs still post pictures of their kids, it’s family.
there’s a way to go about it that doesn’t invade your privacy though.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a teenager and my mom is kinda famous on instagram and blogging. she had a mommy blog all when i was growing up and of course me and my sister were always involved. it sucks because there's so much our there about us and it's what's gonna come up when i'm looking for a job, when i'm dating, when anyone looks up my name. i found a website that will print custom jackets, print all over the front and back and arms... and i ordered some hoodies that say a bunch of phrases all over them. "no photos" "no videos" "i do not consent to be photographed" "no means no" "respect my privacy" "no cameras" "no profiting off my image" it sounds silly but it looks pretty sick actually. i got one for me and one for my nine year old sister who's started to not always want photos. and i guess the idea is that my mom can't take good looking pictures, even candid ones, with us in the hoodies without them having a pretty strong message that we don't want to be in pictures. my mom was mad when they showed up, and really mad when i'm wearing mine. like she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by, she won't post ones without asking but i know that's a whole mess anyway; she always says that and then negotiates me into letting her post, like either by saying that's how she makes income so if i want money for something, to stop arguing about pictures. or posting without asking and then saying i thought it would be ok because you're face wasn't visible / you're just in the background, etc. and i'm always like "no you didn't think. if you thought at all you'd remember what i said i want. no new pictures of me or mentions of me online. remove all pictures that include me that you've ever posted. and delete any writing that mentions me. i am just so fed up, and upset that my mom is mad at me for wearing my new hoodie everyday. she's mad i won't take it off for any event and thinks it's inappropriate to wear to certian things. i know it's really weird looking but it feels like my only option. edit to add a couple more things... she also says all the mentions of consent and "no means no" and "this body is my own" (sorry forgot to mention that one earlier) imply something more inappropriate and that it is really inappropriate to wear those words out in public. we've also fought about me wearing it to family events and school events with a generally dressier dress code, because it looks like a "gangster hoody". i don't know what to say to that, but i don't agree aita for always wearing my no photos hoodie?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a teenager and my mom is kinda famous on instagram and blogging. she had a mommy blog all when i was growing up and of course me and my sister were always involved. it sucks because there's so much our there about us and it's what's gonna come up when i'm looking for a job, when i'm dating, when anyone looks up my name. i found a website that will print custom jackets, print all over the front and back and arms... and i ordered some hoodies that say a bunch of phrases all over them. "no photos" "no videos" "i do not consent to be photographed" "no means no" "respect my privacy" "no cameras" "no profiting off my image" it sounds silly but it looks pretty sick actually. i got one for me and one for my nine year old sister who's started to not always want photos. and i guess the idea is that my mom can't take good looking pictures, even candid ones, with us in the hoodies without them having a pretty strong message that we don't want to be in pictures. my mom was mad when they showed up, and really mad when i'm wearing mine. like she says she just wants pictures to remember my young years by, she won't post ones without asking but i know that's a whole mess anyway; she always says that and then negotiates me into letting her post, like either by saying that's how she makes income so if i want money for something, to stop arguing about pictures. or posting without asking and then saying i thought it would be ok because you're face wasn't visible / you're just in the background, etc. and i'm always like "no you didn't think. if you thought at all you'd remember what i said i want. no new pictures of me or mentions of me online. remove all pictures that include me that you've ever posted. and delete any writing that mentions me. i am just so fed up, and upset that my mom is mad at me for wearing my new hoodie everyday. she's mad i won't take it off for any event and thinks it's inappropriate to wear to certian things. i know it's really weird looking but it feels like my only option. edit to add a couple more things... she also says all the mentions of consent and "no means no" and "this body is my own" (sorry forgot to mention that one earlier) imply something more inappropriate and that it is really inappropriate to wear those words out in public. we've also fought about me wearing it to family events and school events with a generally dressier dress code, because it looks like a "gangster hoody". i don't know what to say to that, but i don't agree aita for always wearing my no photos hoodie? [/INST] nta - your mom has exploited you all your life, for money. that's shitty enough, but then to try and guilt-trip/manipulate you into continuing to participate even though you've told her explicitly you don't want to be a part of it anymore? that is beyond the pale. it's not like being an influencer is the only job on earth. go work in a travel agency or something! it's also not like she couldn't continue to be a blogger - she'd just have to rebrand to one that doesn't focus on being a "mommy" (yuck). surely being a mom isn't the only interesting thing about her? </s>
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AITA for getting my aunt and uncle kicked out of their house for not letting my husband and I sleep together?
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i (m27) am married to a man (m28). he is the love of my life. i had only ever dated women before him but when i met him i realized i was bi, and we fell in love. we got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. we now live in vermont.
my whole family is from a small town in texas, a super conservative catholic area. i was raised there, but dad got a job in nyc when i was 15. the culture shock was difficult. we went from living in rural texas to living in an apartment in manhattan.
my parents didn’t sell our house in tx, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent.
in college when i came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. my mom needed some time to accept. the rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around.
during visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. we didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room.
during covid we did not visit them. but this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and i. i wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and i stay with them.
the 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. my aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. all 3 of us took issue with that.
they snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. they said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. this hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. when my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. that’s when i saw red.
i started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. i told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then i was going to tell my dad what just happened, and i was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name.
my bro seconded everything that i was saying. they started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, i responded that it wasn’t really their house. i told them they were going to be homeless if i had my way.
the kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. my husband was on the porch crying, i promised him that i would never subject him to that again.
i told dad what happened. to say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. he served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. i have been getting calls and texts and facebook messages from my family calling me ah.
i want to know aita for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband?
| 32,206 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x74x76/aita_for_getting_my_aunt_and_uncle_kicked_out_of/
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2022-09-06 08:18:23
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nta. i love your dad.
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nta
they insisted a hotel was not needed and then decided to disregard your marriage. the whole 'not married so separate rooms' thing was clearly an excuse before aswell.
it's entirely your father's decision who to let the house to, and you're within your rights to tell him what happened. just because he reacted as you expected him to doesn't make you an ah.
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nta- they played a cruel and stupid game and won a stupid prize. they insisted you and hubby stay exactly so they could do this, you told you father and he acted as he wanted. any family that doesn’t want them homeless can take them in.
i mean they having been benefiting from cheap rent for what 12years. they should have taken that time to save for a house or something maybe your dad just used this as an excuse to kick out a freeloading sibling and their family. and if their financial situation is such that this will truely leave them homeless then they should be smart enough not to be cruel to you.
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nta
i'm assuming your aunt and uncle sleep in separate beds since there are children in the house right?
they insisted on you staying but had the audacity to insult their guests and separate a married couple.
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nta - at the end of the day it's your father who made the decision to chuck them out, which he had every right to do. why would he continue to get reduced rent from family members who disrespect his son and son in law so badly?
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nta nta nta
i can't fault you for anything here. you are properly married and should be respected as such.
i admire you so much for standing up against these bigots who are supposed to be your family.
and hats off to your dad for standing by you. you're all awesome!
except aunt and uncle, who are certainly tas.
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nta they are just bigots who thought they would get a kick out of making y'all sleep in separate rooms. they fucked around and found out!
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nta and you didn't get them kicked out - your aunt and uncle did.
your aunt and uncle clearly set this up to abuse you and your husband and "take a stand" or whatever, i'm sorry you had to deal with that. and i'm glad your dad is so great!
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nta - your aunt and uncle behaved like jerks! play shitty games, win shitty prizes.
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nta. i'm a bit confused as to why the word "homeless" is being thrown around, instead of the bigoted aunt and uncle just needing to rent a different place (albeit for a higher rent or with less space, since your parents were giving a discount.)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (m27) am married to a man (m28). he is the love of my life. i had only ever dated women before him but when i met him i realized i was bi, and we fell in love. we got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. we now live in vermont. my whole family is from a small town in texas, a super conservative catholic area. i was raised there, but dad got a job in nyc when i was 15. the culture shock was difficult. we went from living in rural texas to living in an apartment in manhattan. my parents didn’t sell our house in tx, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent. in college when i came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. my mom needed some time to accept. the rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around. during visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. we didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room. during covid we did not visit them. but this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and i. i wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and i stay with them. the 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. my aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. all 3 of us took issue with that. they snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. they said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. this hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. when my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. that’s when i saw red. i started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. i told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then i was going to tell my dad what just happened, and i was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name. my bro seconded everything that i was saying. they started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, i responded that it wasn’t really their house. i told them they were going to be homeless if i had my way. the kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. my husband was on the porch crying, i promised him that i would never subject him to that again. i told dad what happened. to say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. he served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. i have been getting calls and texts and facebook messages from my family calling me ah. i want to know aita for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (m27) am married to a man (m28). he is the love of my life. i had only ever dated women before him but when i met him i realized i was bi, and we fell in love. we got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. we now live in vermont. my whole family is from a small town in texas, a super conservative catholic area. i was raised there, but dad got a job in nyc when i was 15. the culture shock was difficult. we went from living in rural texas to living in an apartment in manhattan. my parents didn’t sell our house in tx, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent. in college when i came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. my mom needed some time to accept. the rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around. during visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. we didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room. during covid we did not visit them. but this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and i. i wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and i stay with them. the 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. my aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. all 3 of us took issue with that. they snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. they said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. this hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. when my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. that’s when i saw red. i started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. i told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then i was going to tell my dad what just happened, and i was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name. my bro seconded everything that i was saying. they started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, i responded that it wasn’t really their house. i told them they were going to be homeless if i had my way. the kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. my husband was on the porch crying, i promised him that i would never subject him to that again. i told dad what happened. to say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. he served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. i have been getting calls and texts and facebook messages from my family calling me ah. i want to know aita for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband? [/INST] nta. i love your dad. </s>
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AITA for refusing to RSVP to my sister’s wedding because I’m required to write an “application essay” just to attend?
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yeah i know this sounds insane but i’m living in it.
so my sister is getting married next february, destination wedding no less. i have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward.
anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. as a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to rsvp again. but in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. the gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. people who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified.
i just feel really insulted by all of this. the questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like ”why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” and “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” so she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they really want to go.
anyways i told her in advance i’m not writing 500 words on why i need to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. this has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. she’s said that to keep things fair if i don’t fill out the rsvp correctly i won’t be saved a spot. i said fine with me. then my parents said if i don’t show up i’m going to be in big fucking trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays.
aita if i stay stubborn on this? i’m already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. but i will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. aita?
| 32,172 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzyy7b/aita_for_refusing_to_rsvp_to_my_sisters_wedding/
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2020-07-29 11:19:28
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nta. i would definitely send in two essays. the first would say “mom/dad said i have to come or i’m in big trouble” over and over again until you hit 250. the second, “i’m your sibling.”
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nta and i hope no one writes the essay so she can see how ridiculous shes being
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nta - holy hell this is a new one, props to your sister for inventing a whole new way to be a lunatic.
if they don’t care enough to “reserve” you a spot, why would you want to celebrate a day with someone so selfish? i think they’re going to get a hard dose of reality when people don’t respond or meet their 500 word essay.
how’re you going to be in big trouble with your parents? assuming you’re old enough to pay for the trip out of your pocket, there’s not really anything they can do except be mad.
save your money and treat yourself to a nice trip to somewhere that doesn’t have crazy people.
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nta. but there's an easy out:
> why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?
you're my little/older sister. if you feel that our relationship and our shared experiences over the years do not warrant an invitation to your wedding i am very sorry that you feel that way but will respect your decision to not include me in the celebration of your nuptials.
> what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?
you're my little/older sister. if you feel that our relationship and our shared experiences over the years do not warrant an invitation to your wedding i am very sorry that you feel that way but will respect your decision to not include me in the celebration of your nuptials.
you said yourself, you don't need the expense and complication. and you certainly don't need to grovel for an invite. so send that in and see what she decides.
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jesus, nta. that is ridiculous and i would respond in exactly the same way. i get that it's tricky whittling down a guest list, but i don't think it should be up to the guest to justify and provide evidence that their relationship with the couple warrants an invite.
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nta
but wow, she’s really making people apply to a wedding? imagine some sad dude writing a whole essay just to get wait-listed or rejected.
“thank you for your response. unfortunately we cannot offer you a spot in our wedding at this time. we wish you the best on your future endeavors. may you get invited to all of your safety weddings.
oh and if you still wanna send us our present that’s cool too.”
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nta. your sister should have sucked it up and cut the guest list herself. getting people to kinda beg for an invite? tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if less than half end up going lol.
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nta.
so my sister is getting married next february, destination wedding no less. i have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward.
anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. as a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to rsvp again. but in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. the gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. people who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified.
i just feel really insulted by all of this. the questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like “why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” and “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” so she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they really want to go.
anyways i told her in advance i’m not writing 500 words on why i need to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. this has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. she’s said that to keep things fair if i don’t fill out the rsvp correctly i won’t be saved a spot. i said fine with me. then my parents said if i don’t show up i’m going to be in big fucking trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays.
that's 278 words. submit it twice.
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nta. this is a truly astounding level of narcissism. she wants you to be there, but she's going to cut you out unless you write her an essay begging to attend? i'm surprised any of her guests are still coming. i can't imagine trying to force people to write formal letters kissing my feet and begging to "make the cut" to attend my wedding, and she's doing this to her family? does she not realize that she's embarrassing herself?
and your parents are out of their minds. what the hell are they talking about with this nonsense about being in "big fucking trouble" with your relatives? you're presumably a grown ass person. you don't need to answer to your relatives any more than you need to bow and scrape to aopease your sister's inflated ego. and unless every last one of your relatives is completely insane, they will recognize that your sister is being ridiculous and understand your position.
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info: how are you going to be "in big fucking trouble" with your relatives? what could they do?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: yeah i know this sounds insane but i’m living in it. so my sister is getting married next february, destination wedding no less. i have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward. anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. as a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to rsvp again. but in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. the gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. people who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified. i just feel really insulted by all of this. the questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like ”why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” and “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” so she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they really want to go. anyways i told her in advance i’m not writing 500 words on why i need to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. this has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. she’s said that to keep things fair if i don’t fill out the rsvp correctly i won’t be saved a spot. i said fine with me. then my parents said if i don’t show up i’m going to be in big fucking trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays. aita if i stay stubborn on this? i’m already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. but i will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
yeah i know this sounds insane but i’m living in it. so my sister is getting married next february, destination wedding no less. i have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward. anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. as a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to rsvp again. but in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. the gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. people who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified. i just feel really insulted by all of this. the questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like ”why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” and “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” so she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they really want to go. anyways i told her in advance i’m not writing 500 words on why i need to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. this has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. she’s said that to keep things fair if i don’t fill out the rsvp correctly i won’t be saved a spot. i said fine with me. then my parents said if i don’t show up i’m going to be in big fucking trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays. aita if i stay stubborn on this? i’m already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. but i will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. aita? [/INST] nta. i would definitely send in two essays. the first would say “mom/dad said i have to come or i’m in big trouble” over and over again until you hit 250. the second, “i’m your sibling.” </s>
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AITA for getting upset that my sister’s fiancé pulled me aside and patted me down at their wedding?
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the title sounds so stupid but here we go anyways.
i’m 24 and i’m an addict who has been in recovery for the past six months.
i used and used until i was basically in poverty and my older sister helped bail me out more than once.
she’s my best friend and i know it hurt her a lot to see me like that.
she also met her fiancé two years ago and he really only knew me as the junkie brother then. he’s not my biggest fan to say the least considering how much i put my sister through.
despite this she still invited me to her wedding last week because i am her brother and she wanted me to be there.
when i get to the reception, my brother in law is greeting people as they walk in.
when i walk by he pulls me to the side and in front of everyone starts patting me down and says that he needs to check me to make sure i “didn’t bring anything in”. i instinctively pull away, because why wouldn’t i, and i tell him not to touch me.
he tells me to “calm down” and that if i want to be here then he needs to do this. i tell him he’s being ridiculous and i try to push past him. he stops me and tells me that he doesn’t want to throw me out but he “will if he has to.” i told him that he’s trying to look tough but it’s just making him look stupid.
at this point i’m getting more and more angry and i’m practically yelling in his face at this point. bystanders came between us and separated us and told my bil to just “drop it.” he said he would but that “they can deal with it when i get out of hand.”
i just went to go find a seat after that.
after the reception, a lot of my family told me that i should’ve let him just do it and that i was acting like a huge asshole and like i had “something to hide.”
i don’t think he had any right to pat me down, especially in front of people and i don’t think my reaction was over the top. if anything, he was the one acting like a huge douche by trying to start drama so he can look tough. my sister has refused to take any sides in this.
aita?
| 32,123 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cmvrbe/aita_for_getting_upset_that_my_sisters_fiancé/
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2019-08-06 20:29:03
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nta. his reaction was so unnecessary and he is the one who caused a spectacle by trying to pat you down in front of everyone.
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nta
who pats someone down at a wedding? if you were a gang banger known for carrying weapons, maybe, but not an addict.
and if it was really necessary, there’s so many other ways he could have gone about it that would make him not ta. but to do something like that in front of all the other guests is humiliating and completely out of line (and i’d wonder if it was purposeful humiliation).
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[deleted]
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unpopular opinion, but esh, leaning towards you being ta. you've *physically fought* your bil while high at a family event once. he should have done it privately, but you have an insanely long road towards regaining the trust of anyone in your family, **especially** your sister and bil, seeing as you've been in a physical altercation with him in the past due to your drug use. i have several addicts in my family who have totally burned bridges, and not being able to keep your cool when faced with severe distrust is going to start that process.
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nta if he didn't want you there he shouldn't have invited you. i hope your sister didn't know about his plan beforehand.
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esh, he doesn’t have any right to do that but yelling is not going to get anyone on your side.
you’ve fucked over your sister in the past, maybe you should give the guy that loves her a break.
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nta. i understand where he was coming from, but the situation called for some subtlety and privacy. a serious talk before the wedding (even if you feel it was unnecessary) would have been appropriate, and if they really felt like it was necessary, then pulling you aside when you got there to ask if you brought anything and maybe politely ask you to turn out your pockets (although i would say that might be a bit much, however i don't know the full past with your family here and maybe that would be reasonable).
starting a fight over it and insisting on doing it in front of everybody as they were walking in was a dick move.
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yta but he’s not totally innocent either. still not enough for esh.
you’ve put your sister through a lot, and i can’t help but feel like your bil has heard about it all. your sister loves you and is more forgiving about it, but your bil probably sees it as you manipulating her. i’m glad to hear you are getting clean but while you’ve known when you can and can’t trust yourself, the ones you love haven’t had that luxury. as much as i’m sure you are clean now (and congratulations on that), i feel like it’s happened before that you’ve lied about being clean in the past.
weddings involving immediate family are a big deal for anyone. you’re seeing family members you don’t always see. i could totally see that being a trigger or a stressor. he doesn’t know how you’ve coped with that type of thing before. or maybe he has heard past excuses for relapses and such, idk. i can’t imagine the conversation about you being invited to the wedding was an easy one for them.
what he did wasn’t necessarily right. you didn’t necessarily deserve it. but it would have went a lot more smoothly if you just asked to do it more discreetly (in a more private location) or just let it happen. they probably should have told you if he planned on doing this but i’m thinking he did this without talking to your sister about it?
being a recovering addict doesn’t make you a terrible person. it just means that you’ve had to start at or below ground zero on earning people’s trust. that sucks, but you made an ass of yourself and humiliated yourself when you were using. at least this type of humiliation is going towards building something worthwhile. it’s not fair to expect people to just suddenly trust you 100%. that’s going to take years of hard work and staying clean, not to mention some embarrassing encounters.
rather than being frustrated about it, i’d consider these things additional milestones. “this person didn’t think i was capable of attending my sisters wedding without a fix. i proved them wrong and i’ve made it to a point where i can do that. yay.” every time someone is wrong to be suspicious of you, it’s another thing to celebrate considering that if you hadn’t stuck through the hard times they would be right. every time someone thinks this or that might send you off the deep end, celebrate the fact that it didn’t rather than being offended that they would think it in the first place.
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yta - per your comments, you have gone to family events before high and had physical fights with your brother in law.
you mentioned getting in a few physical fights but didn't elaborate.
you've been sober for 6 months, and i commend you for that. that's so awesome! but 6 months of sobriety doesn't erase years of addict behavior.
your sister bailed you out at the expense of herself and her life with her husband. don't kid yourself into thinking that your addiction didn't negatively impact their relationship and her health.
the thing is that when you've spent years abusing someone's trust, you don't just get the trust back. you need to earn it, and your behavior caused your family to lose trust in you. yes, your bil behaved poorly and he seems like an asshole, but now your entire family thinks you have something to hide. you didn't really screw over your sister as much as you screwed over yourself.
you could have just taken the patdown, and pulled your sister aside after the wedding and explained how hurt and humiliated you were. how you didn't make a scene because you love her, but you don't appreciate the behavior and would have really appreciated a private discreet patdown. your bil would have looked like an ass and your sister would have been on your side, because she would have had eyewitness proof that you weren't carrying anything.
because you made a big scene, and yelled, your family and bil are reminding your sister that last time you acted this way you were high. there's no way for you to prove you weren't hiding something, and your anger made you look guilty. your sister is now bracing herself for the worst.
do you think it wasn't humiliating to your sister to have to bail out her addict brother? but she did it anyways because she loves you. at her wedding, you were faced with the same thing. undergo something humiliating just to make your sister's day as stress free as possible and you decided that she wasn't worth the humiliation.
if you're really serious about having a relationship with your sister, you will apologize to both your sister and bil, and explain how you were feeling hurt and humiliated and lashed out.
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info: do you have a history of inappropriate behavior at family events or ruining important occasions?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| 0.665712 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the title sounds so stupid but here we go anyways. i’m 24 and i’m an addict who has been in recovery for the past six months. i used and used until i was basically in poverty and my older sister helped bail me out more than once. she’s my best friend and i know it hurt her a lot to see me like that. she also met her fiancé two years ago and he really only knew me as the junkie brother then. he’s not my biggest fan to say the least considering how much i put my sister through. despite this she still invited me to her wedding last week because i am her brother and she wanted me to be there. when i get to the reception, my brother in law is greeting people as they walk in. when i walk by he pulls me to the side and in front of everyone starts patting me down and says that he needs to check me to make sure i “didn’t bring anything in”. i instinctively pull away, because why wouldn’t i, and i tell him not to touch me. he tells me to “calm down” and that if i want to be here then he needs to do this. i tell him he’s being ridiculous and i try to push past him. he stops me and tells me that he doesn’t want to throw me out but he “will if he has to.” i told him that he’s trying to look tough but it’s just making him look stupid. at this point i’m getting more and more angry and i’m practically yelling in his face at this point. bystanders came between us and separated us and told my bil to just “drop it.” he said he would but that “they can deal with it when i get out of hand.” i just went to go find a seat after that. after the reception, a lot of my family told me that i should’ve let him just do it and that i was acting like a huge asshole and like i had “something to hide.” i don’t think he had any right to pat me down, especially in front of people and i don’t think my reaction was over the top. if anything, he was the one acting like a huge douche by trying to start drama so he can look tough. my sister has refused to take any sides in this. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the title sounds so stupid but here we go anyways. i’m 24 and i’m an addict who has been in recovery for the past six months. i used and used until i was basically in poverty and my older sister helped bail me out more than once. she’s my best friend and i know it hurt her a lot to see me like that. she also met her fiancé two years ago and he really only knew me as the junkie brother then. he’s not my biggest fan to say the least considering how much i put my sister through. despite this she still invited me to her wedding last week because i am her brother and she wanted me to be there. when i get to the reception, my brother in law is greeting people as they walk in. when i walk by he pulls me to the side and in front of everyone starts patting me down and says that he needs to check me to make sure i “didn’t bring anything in”. i instinctively pull away, because why wouldn’t i, and i tell him not to touch me. he tells me to “calm down” and that if i want to be here then he needs to do this. i tell him he’s being ridiculous and i try to push past him. he stops me and tells me that he doesn’t want to throw me out but he “will if he has to.” i told him that he’s trying to look tough but it’s just making him look stupid. at this point i’m getting more and more angry and i’m practically yelling in his face at this point. bystanders came between us and separated us and told my bil to just “drop it.” he said he would but that “they can deal with it when i get out of hand.” i just went to go find a seat after that. after the reception, a lot of my family told me that i should’ve let him just do it and that i was acting like a huge asshole and like i had “something to hide.” i don’t think he had any right to pat me down, especially in front of people and i don’t think my reaction was over the top. if anything, he was the one acting like a huge douche by trying to start drama so he can look tough. my sister has refused to take any sides in this. aita? [/INST] nta. his reaction was so unnecessary and he is the one who caused a spectacle by trying to pat you down in front of everyone. </s>
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AITA for laughing at my SO during sex?
|
2 things first:
-she just got a smart watch.
-she is not the most active during sex
so my so and i were having sex. i'm on top and it's the usual, which is fine. i am always the one to suggest other positions and stuff, otherwise it would just be missionary/done. i've already got her off and i say "hey babe, wanna get on top?"
her" not really, if that's okay"
me "okay" (continues in/out)
suddenly her watch starts vibrating and chiming.
me "what's up with that?"
her(without thinking)"oh it just does that when it thinks i've been sedentary too long"
i bust out laughing. can't stop. she get super grumpy about it. we stop. i don't really care cause i appreciate the comedy. now her feeling are kinda hurt :/....
| 32,117 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ahhlzx/aita_for_laughing_at_my_so_during_sex/
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2019-01-19 01:51:58
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nta, if she can't see how funny that is.
😂😂😂😂😂
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nta - honestly, this is objectively funny, and a cute couple-y inside joke that i hope y'all can fondly look back on in the future. she should try to lighten up about this one.
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nta but apologize and make it clear you weren't laughing at her. some people are particularly vulnerable to feeling humiliated during sex.
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nta - that shit is funny. she can lighten up
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nta, but appologize to her to make her feel better.
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nta- omg. having a chuckle during sex is awesome. me and my wife (lesbians here) laugh during sex a bit. she once farted when she came and we about died laughing. she was embarrassed at first but i told her she farts around me all the time; she just had impeccable timing. lol. sex doesn’t always have to be like this romantic and serious thing.
explain that it was just funny, why you found it funny, and that you weren’t trying to make fun of her. she may just be really embarrassed and may take your laughing as something negative about her.
hope it work out bud.
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nah. you didn't intend to hurt her feelings. and this is next level perfect in terms of comedy.
however, you should consider her side. when a partner laughs during sex, it can come off as playful, or it can come off as bit mocking or cruel. obviously i haven't heard the laughter, but she could have felt very humiliated/mortified. having that happen during sex can be a powerfully negative experience. you should apologize and ask her to talk about how it made her feel.
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nta
she can't just starfish and then get mad when her watch calls her out on it. that's hilarious. maybe she'll up her game now.
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nta i laughed reading this
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lmao i think she’s just a little embarrassed and playing frowny face saves her ego. it’s funny and i’m sure she will see it that way one day.. even if she won’t admit it haha
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 2 things first: -she just got a smart watch. -she is not the most active during sex so my so and i were having sex. i'm on top and it's the usual, which is fine. i am always the one to suggest other positions and stuff, otherwise it would just be missionary/done. i've already got her off and i say "hey babe, wanna get on top?" her" not really, if that's okay" me "okay" (continues in/out) suddenly her watch starts vibrating and chiming. me "what's up with that?" her(without thinking)"oh it just does that when it thinks i've been sedentary too long" i bust out laughing. can't stop. she get super grumpy about it. we stop. i don't really care cause i appreciate the comedy. now her feeling are kinda hurt :/....
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
2 things first: -she just got a smart watch. -she is not the most active during sex so my so and i were having sex. i'm on top and it's the usual, which is fine. i am always the one to suggest other positions and stuff, otherwise it would just be missionary/done. i've already got her off and i say "hey babe, wanna get on top?" her" not really, if that's okay" me "okay" (continues in/out) suddenly her watch starts vibrating and chiming. me "what's up with that?" her(without thinking)"oh it just does that when it thinks i've been sedentary too long" i bust out laughing. can't stop. she get super grumpy about it. we stop. i don't really care cause i appreciate the comedy. now her feeling are kinda hurt :/.... [/INST] nta, if she can't see how funny that is. 😂😂😂😂😂 </s>
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AITA for calling the police on my client?
|
i (28f) do babysitting on the weekends to make some babysitting on the weekends to make extra cash. there is one family i definitely should've fazed out by now but the kids are cute and if i don't have another job, it's easy money. my issue is, the mom is never home on time. she used to not give me return times but finally i started asking as it made it impossible to get anything done on the weekends. i'd go babysit so she could go to "brunch" but she'd be gone from 11 am to 7 pm. my whole day was gone. after that, she'd start giving me times but never stick to them. she wouldn't even call to tell me, she'd just stay out.
on saturday, i got to her house at 6 and she was supposed to be home by 9. i told her she needed to be on time because i had plans to go out with friends. i was even getting ready at their house after i put the kids to be. she promised. of course, 9:00 rolls around and she's not home. i call her, no response. text, no response. another hour. nothing. still calling and texting. finally, it is midnight. by this point, my plans are long ruined but i'm pissed and exhausted. i call her and leave a voicemail saying if she's not home in the next hour, i'm considering the kids abandoned and calling the cops. i also text her this. i try calling her 30 minutes later and it goes to voicemail on the second ring, i text her again and she leaves me on read. if she had reached out saying "hey, i'm staying out until x time", i would've stayed. i don't know any of her family nor the father of the kids so i can't call them. i gave her a grace period of 15 minutes and tried calling again, finally called the cops (non-emergency line). they showed up and i showed our agreement in text from earlier in the week confirming that she'd be home by 9. they try contacting her, didn't answer. i was dismissed and they took the children to the police station. i go home and go to bed.
i am awoken at 3 am by a frantic call. it's her. where are the kids? why am i not here? i tell her i followed through on my threat, check the police station. she cursed me out, i hung up and went to bed.
the next day, she sends me an essay saying the kids' father was called and there's a dcf investigation launched against her. she called me every name under the sun but i didn't think i was wrong until i spoke to a friend with kids. she said i should've just waited it out and refuse to ever sit for her again. she asked if her potentially losing her kids was worth me being petty.
| 31,889 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qh81za/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_client/
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2021-10-27 22:14:58
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nta.
one thing i’ve learned from true crime is the wait 24 hours to file a missing person thing is a myth. she wasn’t where she said she’d be when she said and wasn’t responding to any communication. she was in fact a missing person at that point:
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nta. her behavior is absolutely irresponsible. she deserves a dcf investigation if she can't be bothered to even respond.
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3 am she notices!?
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im gonna go with nta you gave her warning she was well beyond the time she gave you to be home they arent your kids. they are safe regardless. she should have considered the consequences of her actions. i do hope the father is stable though thats my only concern.
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nta. 30-odd minutes late is excusable. but she told you- in writing- that she'd be our for 3 hours, and ended up staying out for 9. that's not something that happens by accident. and not being contactable by your babysitter is rank negligence. what if one of her kids had had an accident? oh yes, she'd have blamed that on you as well. nothing more important than her fun, and that includes her kids. stand your ground. and maybe warn any other babysitters who she might try to con into working for her in the future.
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well i think you're nta. you're not being petty. it's her actions that have caused this situation not yours. she has shown a total lack of concern for the welfare of her children.
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nta you gave her every opportunity under the sun to create a better outcome. you gave her several warnings, and even made sure she got them. instead she attempted to hold you hostage for 300% of the agreed upon time. you gave her every consideration.
your friend however, was being an ass. you were not being petty. she *did* abandon those children. she knew she did not have childcare for those 6 hours and chose to stay out of the home and make herself unreachable instead. petty would be doing it after she’s late one time by an hour. this was leaving her children without a caregiver in the middle of the night. at a certain point, you had to go home, and calling the police was the only way to ensure they were safe for you to leave.
your friend needs to pull her head out of her ass. if this mother hadn’t done anything wrong, they would not have launched a formal investigation. it’s not petty to report negligence that really is happening. and if she identifies more with a mother who can’t be bothered than you, and will shame you about it, that seems like all you need to know about the future of that friendship.
obviously the mother is a flaming asshole as well. but i think we all understand why.
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nta:
she is an adult and a parent. if she cared about her kids then she should have come home at the time she said she would, or atleast give you an update.
she saw your text and still didn't care. she was calling your bluff. if she does lose her kids that is her fault. not yours. you gave her warning with enough time to come home.
she would have done this to other babysitters. so she was eventually going to have an dcf investigation.
if the kids are taken away, they should hopefully be giving to the father who hopefully is a better parent. if they are not taken away, well then lets hope the mother learned her lesson.
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nta. she literally abandoned her kids, went intentionally unreachable. what if there had been an emergency?
besides, you communicated several times what was going to happen. the fact that she chose to ignore it is her problem not yours.
she could easily have said she'd be out late at the beginning and offered to pay you for an overnight. then there'd be no problem.
but what she did was prioritize her night out over you and also over her children. that's why dcf is involved, and rightly so.
**when she asks if potentially losing her kids was worth being petty, ask her back if potentially losing her kids was worth not checking her phone during her night on the town.**
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nta. she is a terrible client and does not appear to take her role as a mother all that seriously. you will probably not see any pay from this job though.
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NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (28f) do babysitting on the weekends to make some babysitting on the weekends to make extra cash. there is one family i definitely should've fazed out by now but the kids are cute and if i don't have another job, it's easy money. my issue is, the mom is never home on time. she used to not give me return times but finally i started asking as it made it impossible to get anything done on the weekends. i'd go babysit so she could go to "brunch" but she'd be gone from 11 am to 7 pm. my whole day was gone. after that, she'd start giving me times but never stick to them. she wouldn't even call to tell me, she'd just stay out. on saturday, i got to her house at 6 and she was supposed to be home by 9. i told her she needed to be on time because i had plans to go out with friends. i was even getting ready at their house after i put the kids to be. she promised. of course, 9:00 rolls around and she's not home. i call her, no response. text, no response. another hour. nothing. still calling and texting. finally, it is midnight. by this point, my plans are long ruined but i'm pissed and exhausted. i call her and leave a voicemail saying if she's not home in the next hour, i'm considering the kids abandoned and calling the cops. i also text her this. i try calling her 30 minutes later and it goes to voicemail on the second ring, i text her again and she leaves me on read. if she had reached out saying "hey, i'm staying out until x time", i would've stayed. i don't know any of her family nor the father of the kids so i can't call them. i gave her a grace period of 15 minutes and tried calling again, finally called the cops (non-emergency line). they showed up and i showed our agreement in text from earlier in the week confirming that she'd be home by 9. they try contacting her, didn't answer. i was dismissed and they took the children to the police station. i go home and go to bed. i am awoken at 3 am by a frantic call. it's her. where are the kids? why am i not here? i tell her i followed through on my threat, check the police station. she cursed me out, i hung up and went to bed. the next day, she sends me an essay saying the kids' father was called and there's a dcf investigation launched against her. she called me every name under the sun but i didn't think i was wrong until i spoke to a friend with kids. she said i should've just waited it out and refuse to ever sit for her again. she asked if her potentially losing her kids was worth me being petty.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (28f) do babysitting on the weekends to make some babysitting on the weekends to make extra cash. there is one family i definitely should've fazed out by now but the kids are cute and if i don't have another job, it's easy money. my issue is, the mom is never home on time. she used to not give me return times but finally i started asking as it made it impossible to get anything done on the weekends. i'd go babysit so she could go to "brunch" but she'd be gone from 11 am to 7 pm. my whole day was gone. after that, she'd start giving me times but never stick to them. she wouldn't even call to tell me, she'd just stay out. on saturday, i got to her house at 6 and she was supposed to be home by 9. i told her she needed to be on time because i had plans to go out with friends. i was even getting ready at their house after i put the kids to be. she promised. of course, 9:00 rolls around and she's not home. i call her, no response. text, no response. another hour. nothing. still calling and texting. finally, it is midnight. by this point, my plans are long ruined but i'm pissed and exhausted. i call her and leave a voicemail saying if she's not home in the next hour, i'm considering the kids abandoned and calling the cops. i also text her this. i try calling her 30 minutes later and it goes to voicemail on the second ring, i text her again and she leaves me on read. if she had reached out saying "hey, i'm staying out until x time", i would've stayed. i don't know any of her family nor the father of the kids so i can't call them. i gave her a grace period of 15 minutes and tried calling again, finally called the cops (non-emergency line). they showed up and i showed our agreement in text from earlier in the week confirming that she'd be home by 9. they try contacting her, didn't answer. i was dismissed and they took the children to the police station. i go home and go to bed. i am awoken at 3 am by a frantic call. it's her. where are the kids? why am i not here? i tell her i followed through on my threat, check the police station. she cursed me out, i hung up and went to bed. the next day, she sends me an essay saying the kids' father was called and there's a dcf investigation launched against her. she called me every name under the sun but i didn't think i was wrong until i spoke to a friend with kids. she said i should've just waited it out and refuse to ever sit for her again. she asked if her potentially losing her kids was worth me being petty. [/INST] nta. one thing i’ve learned from true crime is the wait 24 hours to file a missing person thing is a myth. she wasn’t where she said she’d be when she said and wasn’t responding to any communication. she was in fact a missing person at that point: </s>
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AITA for pretending to be an "Appletarian" (eating only apple derived foods/drinks) for 3 weeks as a prank, causing my friends to have an intervention for me?
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i got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider.
i told them them all that i had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. when i first told them they thought i was joking, but they underestimated how committed i would be to a joke. so, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) i was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider.
apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc.
finally after about a week they bought that i had become an appletarian. they started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. some of them even got angry.
but i wanted to stick with the joke. finally, after the end of 3 weeks, i walked into what i was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me.
they were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. finally i started laughing hysterically. they were confused as hell so i told them i had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. i even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it.
i thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. my girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago i had ruined our date night when i told the waiter i only wanted apples because i was an appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke".
in my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank.
but, did i go too far?
| 31,857 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b22cxm/aita_for_pretending_to_be_an_appletarian_eating/
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2019-03-17 06:25:12
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nah.
i may be in a minority, but i think this is fucking funny as hell. i feel like your girlfriend over-reacted but maybe in the future, include girlfriend in said prank.
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nta absolute legend. that level of commitment is on par with the method acting of daniel day lewis. thanks for the late night laugh.
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nah, but the date thing is really pushing it
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yta. probably.
seems like you must have gone too far, since people got genuinely worried for you, and your gf broke up with you.
personally, i admire your commitment to the joke.
then again, i once made a friend cry because she never knew when to worry and when not to because another friend and i would always make stuff up. turns out it is probably better to be kind to others and consider their feelings than to feel awesome about the pranking.
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yta. look, i get a good joke. i get a long running prank. but no matter how good you think the prank is, ignoring how everyone else feels with the assumption that they'll come around is a terrible idea.
you did this joke for weeks. that means you had weeks to recognise them getting worried. to recognise them getting annoyed with you. to recognise how you were hurting your girlfriend. ffs, they staged an intervention for you! do you have any idea how serious that is? they were genuinely worried for you; worried enough that they risked you getting angry with them, you storming out, permanent damage to their relationships with you... and your reaction to their genuine concern and love was to "laugh hysterically".
again. your reaction to their show of love and concern was to laugh hysterically. you may have had good intentions, but somewhere along the way, you lost the thread and went too far. apologize.
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nta. your gf is an asshole for breaking up with you after embarrassing her once. i’m sure that if you asked people i have dated they would say i embarrassed them on a weekly basis in one way or another
|
i'm going to say that yta because you drew it out so long. if it took your friends literally having to set up an intervention, than there's an issue (although, props to your friends for being so concerned about your wellbeing).
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yta you knew they were getting worried but kept it going. a joke should be fun for everyone. pushing it til they did an intervention was definitely wrong. and tbh, i'm thinking this is likely a troll post, cause seriously how can you not see that causing worry (which means you caused them stress too) isn't a joke.
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yta. your prank was to convince people who care deeply about you that you are mentally ill, because let's be honest, only someone going through an eating disorder or a psychotic break would eat only apples for three weeks straight. you may as well have pretended to be an alcoholic, or pretended to be having chronic daily migraines. perhaps some of the people you fooled have (or had) eating disorders themselves, or watched another loved one go through one.
try putting yourself in their shoes: imagine that someone you loved started displaying bizarre, unhealthy beliefs and behaviours, out of the blue, for three solid weeks, despite how much it worried or angered the people around them. and when you finally muster the courage to confront your loved one to try and get them help, they laugh at you for trusting them and caring for them. would that leave a sour taste in your mouth?
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yta. look man i get a good joke, but keeping something going for weeks when it's clearly upsetting people, and ruining a date night all for a stupid joke? that's messed up. they were worried about you, they thought you were hurting yourself, and you were fucking with them. you took it to far, you need to apologize.
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NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.427172 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider. i told them them all that i had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. when i first told them they thought i was joking, but they underestimated how committed i would be to a joke. so, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) i was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider. apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc. finally after about a week they bought that i had become an appletarian. they started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. some of them even got angry. but i wanted to stick with the joke. finally, after the end of 3 weeks, i walked into what i was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me. they were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. finally i started laughing hysterically. they were confused as hell so i told them i had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. i even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it. i thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. my girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago i had ruined our date night when i told the waiter i only wanted apples because i was an appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke". in my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank. but, did i go too far?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider. i told them them all that i had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. when i first told them they thought i was joking, but they underestimated how committed i would be to a joke. so, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) i was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider. apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc. finally after about a week they bought that i had become an appletarian. they started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. some of them even got angry. but i wanted to stick with the joke. finally, after the end of 3 weeks, i walked into what i was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me. they were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. finally i started laughing hysterically. they were confused as hell so i told them i had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. i even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it. i thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. my girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago i had ruined our date night when i told the waiter i only wanted apples because i was an appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke". in my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank. but, did i go too far? [/INST] nah. i may be in a minority, but i think this is fucking funny as hell. i feel like your girlfriend over-reacted but maybe in the future, include girlfriend in said prank. </s>
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AITA for blowing up at my husband for messing with my alarm and causing me to miss my exam?
|
hello!
i f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. i'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. my husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. i've told him it's not gonna last forever and that i need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest.
the day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. i refused because i was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if i'm not there. i said no and shut down any further discussions. he got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it.
before i went to bed, i set my alarm clock like i always do since i'm a heavy sleeper+i stayed up late studying. the next morning i woke up at 9am. i literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. i had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. i couldn't believe it i absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. he just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. i got dressed quickly and rushed to the university.
they didn't let me into the exam hall. i got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since i had no legit reason as to why i was late. it was awful is all i can say.
i went home and my husband and i stopped speaking to each other. he kept acting as if i hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. and that i deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. i might be wrong for not considering it but i think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right.
| 31,842 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vu7te5/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_husband_for_messing/
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2022-07-08 10:43:20
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nta
holy shit, your husband wanted to actively ruin your future because of a fucking party you couldn't attend? what kind of husband would do shit like that. that's so fucking petty. i think he deserved a lot more than just being yelled at. i would have kicked him out immediately.
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nta honey, i'll be straight with you: your husband is abusive. he wants to control what you do and does not support your success. please tell your place of study that you missed the exam because you are in an abusive relationship. leave him as soon as it's safe and do not have a baby with this man.
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nta - he did this totally out of spite knowing it would cause you to be late to your exam. you are right, university doesn't last forever and you will be able to go out and do more fun things when it's over.
might be worth reminding him that it's actually going to be longer until you can do that now that you've missed your exam.
on an unrelated note, if you just simply didn't want to go that should also be fine? he doesn't need you to hold his hand everywhere. he seems disrespectful of your time, your work and your autonomy.
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he punished you because you didn't obey him. he tried to sabotage your degree (or at least passing a class) worth thousands of dollars... because you didn't obey him. nta, but i would be seriously reconsidering my relationship with a man who feels entitled to do this. i also wouldn't trust him for a long as time, if ever again. set your alarm on your phone and change your passcode so he can't get to it. make sure your bank account is separate.
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jesus christ, he sabotaged you. how on earth is this your fault? this is actually evil, immature, childish, conniving. you're nta at all. how badly will this affect your grade?
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i usually hate all of the "get a divorce" reactions to anything but a man teaching you a lesson because you refuse to do as he says... do you hear it yourself?
he was willing to screw with your grade. your future. because he feels entitled to teach you a lesson. what if you get a job that interferes with his idea of social life? are you willing to risk getting fired for his next stunt?
so stay if you like but he must have learned his lesson for that. so whatever you do, make sure the consequences now are strong enough for him to reconsider next time.
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oh, good grief. nta.
consider a temporary separation until you get through university.
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that's a divorce level sabotage of your degree.
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nta. your husband thinks a *party* is more important than your academic future. not even a party for someone important to *you*. *his* friend. and when you tell him you can't accommodate that, he takes it upon himself to punish you.
do you have somewhere else to stay? if not, can you talk to your school and find out if there are resources available to you? he's throwing red flags **all** over the place, and if you don't at *least* make sure you can complete your remaining tests in peace, i'm worried you're going to find yourself in a situation where you're unable to graduate and are totally dependent on a guy who thinks it's okay to bully you into doing what he wants.
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nta.
he’s sabotaging your academic future, which is also tied to your career. he’s doing this deliberately.
this isn’t just about ‘you wouldn’t give me an hour so i took an hour because i’m upset’. it’s about controlling you and sabotaging something which could give you independence from him. it’s actually really, really serious. it’s coercive control, which is a form of abuse.
any person who thinks they have a right to ‘teach a lesson’ to their spouse is a giant red flag. that isn’t how you resolve disputes. but he chose to do so knowing the consequences for you would be potentially disastrous - in my universities, you would have failed that exam and be capped at a failing grade even if you sat it later. which would have a disastrous effect on overall degree results because last year counts for the most.
you didn’t deserve what he did and you didn’t overreact. this would genuinely be divorce territory for me, because he is trying to sabotage your future. a decent spouse is supportive of their partner doing things like education or work - he is trying to ruin it for you. it isn’t just about the party, he’s upset because you’ve been assertive and set boundaries and he hasn’t been able to control you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello! i f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. i'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. my husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. i've told him it's not gonna last forever and that i need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest. the day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. i refused because i was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if i'm not there. i said no and shut down any further discussions. he got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it. before i went to bed, i set my alarm clock like i always do since i'm a heavy sleeper+i stayed up late studying. the next morning i woke up at 9am. i literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. i had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. i couldn't believe it i absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. he just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. i got dressed quickly and rushed to the university. they didn't let me into the exam hall. i got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since i had no legit reason as to why i was late. it was awful is all i can say. i went home and my husband and i stopped speaking to each other. he kept acting as if i hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. and that i deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. i might be wrong for not considering it but i think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello! i f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. i'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. my husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. i've told him it's not gonna last forever and that i need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest. the day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. i refused because i was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if i'm not there. i said no and shut down any further discussions. he got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it. before i went to bed, i set my alarm clock like i always do since i'm a heavy sleeper+i stayed up late studying. the next morning i woke up at 9am. i literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. i had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. i couldn't believe it i absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. he just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. i got dressed quickly and rushed to the university. they didn't let me into the exam hall. i got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since i had no legit reason as to why i was late. it was awful is all i can say. i went home and my husband and i stopped speaking to each other. he kept acting as if i hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. and that i deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. i might be wrong for not considering it but i think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right. [/INST] nta holy shit, your husband wanted to actively ruin your future because of a fucking party you couldn't attend? what kind of husband would do shit like that. that's so fucking petty. i think he deserved a lot more than just being yelled at. i would have kicked him out immediately. </s>
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AITA for allowing two teenagers to be spit on by a llama?
|
i work at a petting zoo here, and this weekend we had two teenager (around 16, boyfriend and girlfriend) who were antagonizing a llama.
i told them "you might want to cut that out! llamas spit in self-defense." but they kind of laughed my warning off.
now, i knew that llama spit was a whole lot worse than they probably thought it was. but i decided not to tell them about that. i figured if they persisted, i'd trust the llama to teach them a lesson.
the llama was being patient. at one point it gave them a "warning spit" (just saliva) and they went "eww" and laughed about it and brushed it off, and then kept going at it.
finally, the llama had enough...and unleashed its green, defensive spit that llamas are known for. it got the girl square in the face. she dropped to her knees and started retching, and eventually threw up. her boyfriend was gagging and ran away, towards the building that i was in.
to make things worse for them, i didn't even let them come in to wash up in the petting zoo's only bathroom! it was a slow day, so i just locked the doors. i told them i didn't want that smell inside, and made them leave the farm without washing up.
aita? the girl's parents called me the next day and yelled at me saying that was too harsh. maybe it was...i knew that if you don't wash out llama spit right away the smell sinks into your skin and becomes extremely hard to remove, but i wanted the lesson to sink in as well.
| 31,805 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyt2nl/aita_for_allowing_two_teenagers_to_be_spit_on_by/
|
2019-09-02 18:40:40
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nta
dumb kids got what they deserved and hopefully learned a life lesson
|
esh.
they were warned. they deserved to be spat on and i wouldn’t fault you for allowing it to happen.
it was incredibly cruel to keep them out of the washrooms. what could have been a lesson for them will just turn into an anecdote about the crazy petting zoo guy who wouldn’t let them clean themselves. they now have someone else to focus on/blame for the odor.
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esh, you're not the asshole for letting the llama spit on the teenagers, but you're kind of an asshole for not stepping in on the llamas behalf as they were antagonizing it. that llama has very little autonomy and depends on the workers at the peering zoo to keep it safe. llamas rarely spit on humans, a llama who is socialized properly won't ever do that unless there is a baby or it is feeling very very threatened. that poor llama had to do this as a last resort because of how uncomfortable it was. you owe more to these animals you are taking care of.
source: i trained llamas as a hobby for ~7 years
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esh. they got what they deserved for annoying an animal. locking the bathroom was a dick move though.
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esh - definately not asshole to let the llama spit on them as you tried to warn them but refusing them the bathroom was unnecessary and tips it for me.
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esh. i work in a zoo. every day i see people antagonize animals, so this is a situation i’m personally familiar with. yeah, the teens are assholes for pestering the llama, but you’re also the asshole for allowing it to continue so long that the llama felt the need to spit defensively. you should have asked them to leave or gotten a supervisor/security to do so. it was also an asshole move to lock the bathroom. i understand your moral point of view, but getting them kicked out of the petting zoo would have been a better, non-asshole punishment and would have saved the poor llama from more undue stress.
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esh. you warned these two assholes that llamas spit in self-defense. heck, the llama even gave a warning spit before unleashing the nasty. you're not an a-hole for that. you are an a-hole for not letting them use the bathroom to clean up. surely plenty of people have washed the smell of wild animals off their skin after petting them.
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nta. they didn't listen to you. it's fully their fault and you warned them - if you told someone not to stand near the edge of a cliff but they did anyway and fell it wouldn't be your fault so this isn't either.
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yta for a couple of reasons. firstly, you work at the petting zoo, presumably your job is to ensure the safety and well being of both the animals and the visitors. by letting the kids antagonize a llama you were derelict in your duty to the animal, and by letting them get spit on, you were derelict in your duty to the visitors.
secondly you were a double asshole for not letting them wash up knowing how long the stuff would sink in. especially after my first point, that was obnoxiously petty to do so.
&#x200b;
if you were my employee i would be considering giving you a written warning for this sort of thing.
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esh. i am sure the child failed to tell her parents that she was tormenting the poor animal. you should have thrown them out when the llama made his warning spit indicating that he was in distress.
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NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
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ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
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ESH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.361272 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work at a petting zoo here, and this weekend we had two teenager (around 16, boyfriend and girlfriend) who were antagonizing a llama. i told them "you might want to cut that out! llamas spit in self-defense." but they kind of laughed my warning off. now, i knew that llama spit was a whole lot worse than they probably thought it was. but i decided not to tell them about that. i figured if they persisted, i'd trust the llama to teach them a lesson. the llama was being patient. at one point it gave them a "warning spit" (just saliva) and they went "eww" and laughed about it and brushed it off, and then kept going at it. finally, the llama had enough...and unleashed its green, defensive spit that llamas are known for. it got the girl square in the face. she dropped to her knees and started retching, and eventually threw up. her boyfriend was gagging and ran away, towards the building that i was in. to make things worse for them, i didn't even let them come in to wash up in the petting zoo's only bathroom! it was a slow day, so i just locked the doors. i told them i didn't want that smell inside, and made them leave the farm without washing up. aita? the girl's parents called me the next day and yelled at me saying that was too harsh. maybe it was...i knew that if you don't wash out llama spit right away the smell sinks into your skin and becomes extremely hard to remove, but i wanted the lesson to sink in as well.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work at a petting zoo here, and this weekend we had two teenager (around 16, boyfriend and girlfriend) who were antagonizing a llama. i told them "you might want to cut that out! llamas spit in self-defense." but they kind of laughed my warning off. now, i knew that llama spit was a whole lot worse than they probably thought it was. but i decided not to tell them about that. i figured if they persisted, i'd trust the llama to teach them a lesson. the llama was being patient. at one point it gave them a "warning spit" (just saliva) and they went "eww" and laughed about it and brushed it off, and then kept going at it. finally, the llama had enough...and unleashed its green, defensive spit that llamas are known for. it got the girl square in the face. she dropped to her knees and started retching, and eventually threw up. her boyfriend was gagging and ran away, towards the building that i was in. to make things worse for them, i didn't even let them come in to wash up in the petting zoo's only bathroom! it was a slow day, so i just locked the doors. i told them i didn't want that smell inside, and made them leave the farm without washing up. aita? the girl's parents called me the next day and yelled at me saying that was too harsh. maybe it was...i knew that if you don't wash out llama spit right away the smell sinks into your skin and becomes extremely hard to remove, but i wanted the lesson to sink in as well. [/INST] nta dumb kids got what they deserved and hopefully learned a life lesson </s>
|
AITA For purposely stopping my classmate from winning an award and subsequently making her cry?
|
this issue is honestly making me frustrated. almost everyone is saying i am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and i genuinely don't know if what i did was correct or not. i just feel so lost. please, please do help.
i am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when i was 13. i have 2 really deep,long facial scars. i have been bullied really bad because of it. i am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. people make fun of other people by saying things like "why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." i am honestly used to it. those people didn't matter to me anyway.
but there is this girl i had known since middle school. let's call her back i guess? sorry, i honestly don't know how this works. i had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. i thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. my family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. i can play a guitar so i made this whole song for her. i went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. this was the first time i felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and i felt that regardless of what i do, she shall see me for who i am and at least accept me as a friend.
i was over the moon when she ended up accepting. we went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. she was really sweet to me. the next week or so was honestly heaven. people started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, i honestly cried everyday because i felt so fortunate to get so much love.
it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. i honestly felt betrayed and disgusted.
she had posts saying 'fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his valentine's", 'making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of march, and then distance themselves from me. she apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.and thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since i was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway.
i was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. my blood was boiling. i researched about this award, found a facebook page about it online.i went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi.
she is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. i am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly i have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied.
| 31,782 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/avtmig/aita_for_purposely_stopping_my_classmate_from/
|
2019-02-28 17:22:22
|
nta this is so fucked up it’s beyond words. how did she even qualify for an award like that with this as her entry submission??? what she did to you was dehumanizing and so incredibly out of line. everyone’s on her side because you’re surrounded by assholes at school, but i promise you, you will move past this.
|
nta. she’s the ugly one here.
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nta- what kind of fucked up mean girls scenario are you living in?
|
[removed]
|
nta - and here:
>it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me.
that's the real mvp here. this person had the wherewithal and moral fiber to know that you had to be told the truth. however this person is connected to you beyond this situation, this person is the one shining moment in this dark clusterfuck of bullshit.
keep kicking ass.
&#x200b;
|
nta
this was obviously a bitch move, but don't expect your peers to side with you.
school will be over soon enough and you'll meet more pleasent people, i can promise you that. things will get better buddy. i'm honestly impressed by your attitude. you seem like a chill guy.
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nta. at all.
you didn't stop her from winning that award, she did that all by herself. she made her bed and now she gets to lie in it.
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nta
you are most definitely not the asshole and i am very sorry that you're dealing with this.
it probably doesn't help a lot now, but as you get older, you will find that girls/women put a lot less stock into looks and a lot more emphasis on things like being kind, trustworthy, respectful, and funny. teenage girls are notoriously shallow.
also, you will very likely love college if you decide to attend. it was so much better than high school for me.
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nta: as a burn survivor (45% of my body) who is heavily scarred, i really am sorry that you had to go through this. i know how you feel, i hate going out into public and having people stare at me. let me just say this, we aren't ugly because of our scars. we are unique. why would you want to fit in anyways? our scars tell a story and we should be proud of them. you fucking own them and hold your head high ❤
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nta - you literally did __*absolutely nothing*__ wrong.
she used you to manipulate people's view of her and falsely win an award and earn credit. honestly, it feels like the bullshit popular girl you'd see exaggerated in a movie. she deserves what's happened (and more if you ask me).
you are a strong, brave and inspiring person who is actually a decent human being and more people should be like you. you didn't seek to embarrass her or insult her or call her out publicly. you merely righted a wrong. i'm sure plenty of other people wouldn't have handled the situation as rationally as you did. i respect you for that. you are certainly not the asshole here.
ps - the friend that sent you the screenshots sounds like a good person. high-five them for me!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this issue is honestly making me frustrated. almost everyone is saying i am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and i genuinely don't know if what i did was correct or not. i just feel so lost. please, please do help. i am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when i was 13. i have 2 really deep,long facial scars. i have been bullied really bad because of it. i am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. people make fun of other people by saying things like "why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." i am honestly used to it. those people didn't matter to me anyway. but there is this girl i had known since middle school. let's call her back i guess? sorry, i honestly don't know how this works. i had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. i thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. my family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. i can play a guitar so i made this whole song for her. i went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. this was the first time i felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and i felt that regardless of what i do, she shall see me for who i am and at least accept me as a friend. i was over the moon when she ended up accepting. we went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. she was really sweet to me. the next week or so was honestly heaven. people started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, i honestly cried everyday because i felt so fortunate to get so much love. it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. i honestly felt betrayed and disgusted. she had posts saying 'fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his valentine's", 'making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of march, and then distance themselves from me. she apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.and thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since i was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway. i was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. my blood was boiling. i researched about this award, found a facebook page about it online.i went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi. she is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. i am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly i have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this issue is honestly making me frustrated. almost everyone is saying i am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and i genuinely don't know if what i did was correct or not. i just feel so lost. please, please do help. i am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when i was 13. i have 2 really deep,long facial scars. i have been bullied really bad because of it. i am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. people make fun of other people by saying things like "why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." i am honestly used to it. those people didn't matter to me anyway. but there is this girl i had known since middle school. let's call her back i guess? sorry, i honestly don't know how this works. i had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. i thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. my family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. i can play a guitar so i made this whole song for her. i went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. this was the first time i felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and i felt that regardless of what i do, she shall see me for who i am and at least accept me as a friend. i was over the moon when she ended up accepting. we went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. she was really sweet to me. the next week or so was honestly heaven. people started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, i honestly cried everyday because i felt so fortunate to get so much love. it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. i honestly felt betrayed and disgusted. she had posts saying 'fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his valentine's", 'making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of march, and then distance themselves from me. she apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.and thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since i was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway. i was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. my blood was boiling. i researched about this award, found a facebook page about it online.i went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi. she is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. i am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly i have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied. [/INST] nta this is so fucked up it’s beyond words. how did she even qualify for an award like that with this as her entry submission??? what she did to you was dehumanizing and so incredibly out of line. everyone’s on her side because you’re surrounded by assholes at school, but i promise you, you will move past this. </s>
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AITA for canceling the family trip because my stepson damaged my plants?
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i grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. i have a variety of plants like lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. it's a hobby of mine and because i don't own enough space i just stick to indoor planting.
i have a 16 year old stepson sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. i don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. he just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a fb video of him spraying cold water on me when i was sleeping. it was embarrassing since he shared it with family. i got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. he kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but i thought that was crazy request. sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, i was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. he was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house.
later in the evening i was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. it smelled like bleach. i freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . i confronted sean and asked what he watered the plants with. he acted dumb and said nothing but i found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. he admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. i was mortified i immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. i refused to discuss it, my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. she thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. she wanted me to let it go but i said canceling the trip is his official punishment, period i got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that i don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se.
sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. this isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it.
| 31,770 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otagcv/aita_for_canceling_the_family_trip_because_my/
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2021-07-28 13:58:52
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nta. that seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act.
>my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip
he'll get over it.
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nta, that’s not a prank - that’s pretty hateful property damage, but besides that, he knew what he was doing. at 6, i would have known that was wrong - let alone 16! his actions absolutely should have consequences.
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nta but your step-son is. his mother needs to stop making excuses for him. he is 16 years old and she needs to stop enabling his bad behaviour. you reacted much better than i would have. he has no respect for you or your possessions. you shouldn't apologise and don't go on the trip. stand your ground and teach him the lesson that shitty actions have shitty consequences. at 16 he knows better, he knew what he was doing and thought he'd get away with it as usual. instead of going on the trip, have a family meeting where you set boundaries with both your step-son and his mother.
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nta wtf?! he goes on a flora death rampage because of a video being taken down? sean purposely destroyed living things that belonged to you just to hurt you? not only would i take away the trip, but there would be more punishment coming, i'm not sure what, but it would be in line with how long it takes to collect and regrow all the varieties you had.
i don't know how you could even trust him in your house again.
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nta- actions have consequences and that was not a prank, that was malicious and it was targeted at you.
what’s next? nair in your shampoo, antifreeze in your mouthwash, visine in your coffee? i hope not, but you see where i’m going. he has escalated past playful to harmful intent.
he crossed an unacceptable line and he needs to be corrected now. it’s not negotiable.
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nta and i'm appalled that his mother doesn't have your back.
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nta. your wife is the biggest ah in this whole story.
> said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se.
this is rich!! she has a teen son that throws cold water on you when you are sleeping and kills your plants, and she is accusing you of abuse??? way to victim blame!
>she thinks an apology was enough he is a kid and made a mistake.
.
>sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven.
gee, i wonder where he got that idea from?
she is raising a monster that thinks mentally torturing his family is funny. he even throws a tantrum because you refuse to be humilliated online so he gets some likes.
a judge wont be nearly as chill as you if this issue isnt nipped in the bud on time.
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nta - i would normally say the punishment doesn't fit the crime; but watering your plants with bleach is one of those dark, revenge-type things where it's super suspect. he was deliberately seeking to hurt you.
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nta16 isn’t a child really. you maybe be in the us but in the u.k. you can marry with your parents consent, legally have sex, join the army, start driving lessons etc
he isn’t 12. he knew the video was embarrassing and posted it without consent. will he do that to someone he dates too? he doesn’t accept you don’t consent? he needs to learn these concepts and boundaries.
he then gets angry can’t control it and pours bleach on your plants to kill them. he knows they will die.
not only should he not go on holiday he needs to repay you in full value for your plants and materials. this is not over. his mother also needs to know this behaviour is not right and she has a chance whilst he still under her roof to correct the course
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nta.
next time he complains, tell him “it’s just a prank bro” then go without him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. i have a variety of plants like lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. it's a hobby of mine and because i don't own enough space i just stick to indoor planting. i have a 16 year old stepson sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. i don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. he just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a fb video of him spraying cold water on me when i was sleeping. it was embarrassing since he shared it with family. i got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. he kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but i thought that was crazy request. sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, i was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. he was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house. later in the evening i was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. it smelled like bleach. i freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . i confronted sean and asked what he watered the plants with. he acted dumb and said nothing but i found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. he admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. i was mortified i immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. i refused to discuss it, my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. she thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. she wanted me to let it go but i said canceling the trip is his official punishment, period i got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that i don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. this isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. i have a variety of plants like lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. it's a hobby of mine and because i don't own enough space i just stick to indoor planting. i have a 16 year old stepson sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. i don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. he just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a fb video of him spraying cold water on me when i was sleeping. it was embarrassing since he shared it with family. i got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. he kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but i thought that was crazy request. sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, i was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. he was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house. later in the evening i was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. it smelled like bleach. i freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . i confronted sean and asked what he watered the plants with. he acted dumb and said nothing but i found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. he admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. i was mortified i immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. i refused to discuss it, my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. she thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. she wanted me to let it go but i said canceling the trip is his official punishment, period i got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that i don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. this isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it. [/INST] nta. that seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act. >my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip he'll get over it. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter to cancel her marriage?
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i have a daughter(27) who was with her boyfriend for 7 years and they got engaged not long ago(just a small party, not many guests). she always talks to me about how she loved him, how he always listens to he and he was made for her. i have agreed with her, since i found i=him to be a good natured man, he was kind and humble and was always respectful to our family. we've met his parents for dinner twice or thrice and they hit me as a little sexist, asking questions to my wife like "i don't know why you're working, isn't that the husband's job? its the mothers job to be taking care of the children".
now that they wanted to make it more serious, they planned a marriage. anyways we have been planning about the marriage, and one day her boyfriend comes to me and says that his parents want to talk to me. i was going to call my daughter too, but he said that she wasn't allowed. i went with him and his parents started talking with me about dowry. i was confused and said that there was no dowry and in 2020 who even gives dowry?? but boyfriend and his parents started lecturing me about how necessary it was and how my daughter would be a stay at home wife(my daughter has told me that she wants to continue her dreams so i don't know what this is). anyways they told me that i should give it a thought and told me not to tell my daughter for the time being. however i immediately told my daughter about it, and she started crying saying she didn't know that her boyfriend was so sexist. she asked me what she could do now, and i told her that she wasn't being forced and could cancel her marriage if she didn't want it.
well, that is exactly what happened and now her boyfriend and his parents are calling me saying i took away the love of his life etc... on top of that, some of her friends (some were bridesmaids) said that i was a asshole for breaking up what would've been a "healthy marriage". but its my daughter's happiness that matters. aita?
| 31,765 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/itd4ok/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_cancel_her/
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2020-09-15 17:14:54
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nta. you saved your daughter from a life of hell. sorry she had to go through that though. i'm sure it was a shock to realize her ex and her almost-in-laws are misogynistic ah's. hope she's doing okay. 7 years is a long time. how did this not ever come up before???
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this story did not go how i predicted. nta.
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nta, this is the kind of parenting that the modern world needs. supportive and caring but not afraid to step in when needed. hope you and your daughter are ok.
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the fuck?? absolutely you are nta for telling your daughter about this. especially if her own values and beliefs lie outside of what her husband to be expected. if she's always had grand plans to have a career, a marriage to this man who expects the opposite was going to be nothing but heartache.
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nta on three fronts.
1). you did not tell your daughter to cancel the wedding. you told her that if she did cancel the wedding, you would not think any less of her. that is a really important distinction.
2) that talk of a dowry is just ridiculous in a twenty-first century marriage that does not involve an exchange of lands or noble titles.
3) if they are going to demand a dowry, then at the very least their son should demonstrate he can provide for your daughter. did he even do the courtesy of bringing a freshly hunted and killed elk or boar to the table in your great hall?
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nta.
you gave her advice, but, ultimately, it was her choice. her ex-future-husband seems like a very toxic and manipulative person. it is beyond bizarre that they would ask for a dowry (assuming you live in a western country, as i know this is still common in some places). and it raises all sorts of alarm to me that he didn't want you to tell her about the dowry.
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nta. with the mention of dowry it brought back memories of marriages of females in my family. i hate the practice of dowry and putting such a limitation on women like this. reality is she is dodging a bullet because if the “boyfriend” is already expecting this out of her then it will only get worse in the future. i come from a culture where women also call out other women for wanting equality and to not stay as stay at home wives so i am not surprised that you have received such backlash. rest easy knowing you have helped her make the right decision and focus on keeping her strong so that she sticks with it.
since people below are asking:
a dowry is an old tradition and it dates back to several cultures. i can only tell you what a dowry means in indian culture. a dowry is a gift the bride’s parents/family/brothers pay to the groom and his family. they pay this dowry as a financial transaction as the groom’s family is absorbing the costs of the bride. this is due to the old familial structure of women not “financially” contributing to the household. in recent years it has become somewhat common for the groom’s family to increasingly demand ridiculous gifts in the dowry (such as cars, houses, large sums of money).
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you did not break them up, that was the time treveling-boyfriend from the 18th century.
nta
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nta. you're just a good mom.
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if the friends think the marriage is so healthy one of them can marry him.
you did right by your daughter. nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a daughter(27) who was with her boyfriend for 7 years and they got engaged not long ago(just a small party, not many guests). she always talks to me about how she loved him, how he always listens to he and he was made for her. i have agreed with her, since i found i=him to be a good natured man, he was kind and humble and was always respectful to our family. we've met his parents for dinner twice or thrice and they hit me as a little sexist, asking questions to my wife like "i don't know why you're working, isn't that the husband's job? its the mothers job to be taking care of the children". now that they wanted to make it more serious, they planned a marriage. anyways we have been planning about the marriage, and one day her boyfriend comes to me and says that his parents want to talk to me. i was going to call my daughter too, but he said that she wasn't allowed. i went with him and his parents started talking with me about dowry. i was confused and said that there was no dowry and in 2020 who even gives dowry?? but boyfriend and his parents started lecturing me about how necessary it was and how my daughter would be a stay at home wife(my daughter has told me that she wants to continue her dreams so i don't know what this is). anyways they told me that i should give it a thought and told me not to tell my daughter for the time being. however i immediately told my daughter about it, and she started crying saying she didn't know that her boyfriend was so sexist. she asked me what she could do now, and i told her that she wasn't being forced and could cancel her marriage if she didn't want it. well, that is exactly what happened and now her boyfriend and his parents are calling me saying i took away the love of his life etc... on top of that, some of her friends (some were bridesmaids) said that i was a asshole for breaking up what would've been a "healthy marriage". but its my daughter's happiness that matters. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a daughter(27) who was with her boyfriend for 7 years and they got engaged not long ago(just a small party, not many guests). she always talks to me about how she loved him, how he always listens to he and he was made for her. i have agreed with her, since i found i=him to be a good natured man, he was kind and humble and was always respectful to our family. we've met his parents for dinner twice or thrice and they hit me as a little sexist, asking questions to my wife like "i don't know why you're working, isn't that the husband's job? its the mothers job to be taking care of the children". now that they wanted to make it more serious, they planned a marriage. anyways we have been planning about the marriage, and one day her boyfriend comes to me and says that his parents want to talk to me. i was going to call my daughter too, but he said that she wasn't allowed. i went with him and his parents started talking with me about dowry. i was confused and said that there was no dowry and in 2020 who even gives dowry?? but boyfriend and his parents started lecturing me about how necessary it was and how my daughter would be a stay at home wife(my daughter has told me that she wants to continue her dreams so i don't know what this is). anyways they told me that i should give it a thought and told me not to tell my daughter for the time being. however i immediately told my daughter about it, and she started crying saying she didn't know that her boyfriend was so sexist. she asked me what she could do now, and i told her that she wasn't being forced and could cancel her marriage if she didn't want it. well, that is exactly what happened and now her boyfriend and his parents are calling me saying i took away the love of his life etc... on top of that, some of her friends (some were bridesmaids) said that i was a asshole for breaking up what would've been a "healthy marriage". but its my daughter's happiness that matters. aita? [/INST] nta. you saved your daughter from a life of hell. sorry she had to go through that though. i'm sure it was a shock to realize her ex and her almost-in-laws are misogynistic ah's. hope she's doing okay. 7 years is a long time. how did this not ever come up before??? </s>
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AITA for telling my autistic brother the truth when he asked me why women don’t like him?
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i’ve got a younger brother (24) with aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks.
recently i’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. my brother still lives with them. i find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour.
i know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people.
so i know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” this is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely insane.
anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” i told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control.
now i’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and i feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. this was the first time in my life i told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. but maybe i was too harsh? aita for telling him what i said?
| 31,743 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gbl3wk/aita_for_telling_my_autistic_brother_the_truth/
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2020-05-01 16:18:13
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nta. he asked and you gave a reasonable answer. it doesn’t even sound like you were being unnecessarily harsh. also, it’s kinda hilarious that he calls women irrational, but he loses it after being told the truth. i’d stop coddling him. his autism doesn’t give him a free pass to be a jerk.
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he asked. autistic people on reddit are always saying that they wish people would just be forthcoming and honest about these things.
your parents are the ones who really suck here. they have done him no favours by raising him like this.
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>this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people.
**yikes.**
>he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.”
uhm.. just because they're women? he needs a reality check.
>anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.”
you said it a lot nice than i would've done. it isn't just the way he's talking, it sounds like he *is* sexist.
>this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control.
he can obviously control it. he's high functioning, going on dates, talking to you guys, understanding. he's just not acting like he's in this century.
also, he went to your parents to complain? he's 24. if he wants to complain, he can complain to his friends, or to *you* since you're the one he's mad at.
you're nta. nope. his own actions are leading to dates going the way they are.
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nta. if you don't tell him, some other woman will. i think it's better coming from someone that actually knows him or else he could just write it off as an "illogical" response from some angry woman.
could it have been done more tactfully? maybe. but i think your brother is dangerously at risk of being an incel if you aren't straight with him.
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nta
you didn't insult him. you gave a dose of truth. of he wants to be in a relationship he needs to fix his attitude towards women.
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nta your parents have raised him to be a sexist narcissist and now he can’t find anyone to put up with him. you are actually showing him more love telling him the truth so he can change than your parents do sheltering and lying to him.
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nta he’s sexist
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nta who else better to hear it from than his sister. he wanted to know, you told him. tell him he can change and have a shot at getting a gf, or stay the way he is and be alone.
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nta- it’s not confidence that he has, it’s a mislead false hope instilled by his parents who don’t want to admit to him that real life might be harder for him. they have the best, loving intentions but they’re creating something that will hurt him more than the truth will in the long run.
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definitely nta. sounds to me like he's one of those socially awkward neckbeards who call women females and refuse to take them seriously because he legitimately thinks he's more intelligent.
now, i can understand some of that. despite being female myself i had a long time when i felt like in general women were illogical and overly emotional. i never believed all women were like that, just that it was a trait more common in us than men. i also was incredibly arrogant and at one point unfortunately legitimately believed i was smarter than most people. i've been humbled a lot but even now i catch myself thinking someone is stupid without considering their background or the many areas in which they are most definitely smarter than i am.
your brother both being coddled and on the spectrum means his thinking is far more black and white on the subject than it should be. he deserved the reality check and hopefully coming from someone he knows loves him will make it sink in.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ve got a younger brother (24) with aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks. recently i’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. my brother still lives with them. i find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour. i know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people. so i know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” this is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely insane. anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” i told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control. now i’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and i feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. this was the first time in my life i told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. but maybe i was too harsh? aita for telling him what i said?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’ve got a younger brother (24) with aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks. recently i’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. my brother still lives with them. i find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour. i know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people. so i know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” this is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely insane. anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” i told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control. now i’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and i feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. this was the first time in my life i told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. but maybe i was too harsh? aita for telling him what i said? [/INST] nta. he asked and you gave a reasonable answer. it doesn’t even sound like you were being unnecessarily harsh. also, it’s kinda hilarious that he calls women irrational, but he loses it after being told the truth. i’d stop coddling him. his autism doesn’t give him a free pass to be a jerk. </s>
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AITA for making my daughter sleep in a tent
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i (34f) am a single mother to two girls, 'jasmine' (16f) and 'jessica' (14f). their dad died when i was pregnant with jess, and i had to work hard. we hit rock bottom, and i was barely making paycheque to paycheque but i managed to get a degree, become successful and we live well. point is, i know how fucking hard it is to be at the bottom of society, and my daughters know this, which is why i was livid at my daughter's actions.
yesterday, jasmine showed me a video of jessica cussing a homeless man out and telling him, 'stop asking me for money, you'd earn it yourself if you weren't so fucking lazy and spending what you earned on substances.' when the homeless man complained about the cold (we live in ne england), jessica responded 'yeah people camp for fun, even in december, you can't complain, you're living someone's holiday.' fury was an understatement for what i felt, as i thought i had raised an empathetic daughter.
along with finding the homeless man and making her apologise and help pay for a hotel room for a night for him (she paid £20), as well as signing her up to volunteer at a food bank - i decided to take her up on her offer of sleeping outside. i locked her bedroom door so she couldn't go in, put a sign on it saying *closed for the holidays,* pitched a tent in the garden and filled it with blankets and the sleeping bag i used when i was camping in norway on a family holiday as a teen (aka really bloody thermal). i slept in the room closest to the garden for that night so i was nearby if anything was to go wrong. she was reluctant to do it, but chose it over the option of not having access to her phone until the christmas holidays are over.
in the morning, she was crying about how horrible it was to wake up on a cold mat and get disrupted sleep due to birds. after comforting her, i asked her would she like to do that everyday like the homeless man. it struck a cord with her and she was crying over her actions, while even after the £20 she was rolling her eyes and her apology was not sincere. this afternoon, i came home from work to jessica making a big meal to donate to the homeless people who live on the road near our house. i was proud of how she turned over a new leaf, and after taking the food to the people, my sister came over. apparently, my nephew and jessica were talking at school, and he asked her about her plans for the afternoon, and she said that she was going to cook for the homeless. my nephew asked what triggered that, and jess told him everything, which he relayed back to his mum. my sister said that my punishment was too harsh, and just the £20 and the food bank would have done the trick, and i was acting irrationally due to my past. now i'm second guessing myself. aita?
| 31,704 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k9y7o3/aita_for_making_my_daughter_sleep_in_a_tent/
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2020-12-09 19:05:02
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nta. sounds like the apology and £20 wasn’t enough. walking a mile in their shoes taught her empathy.
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nta. you did a good thing here. you weren't being cruel or unusual in any way. you provided her blankets and a warm sleeping bag and you didn't force her to do anything, (you gave her the option to camp or loose her phone). she clearly learned the lesson and feels genuine remorse. you should be proud of how you handled the situation and proud of your daughter for changing her ways.
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this is solid gold, 💯 fantastic parenting. especially because you weren't trying to simply punish her, you were ensuring she experienced what it is she was abusing the man who was homeless for. it's such an important lesson. sometimes even if we think we're raising empathetic children, it's hard to learn without experience. also, you now know it worked out because of your daughter's reaction and thoughtfulness afterwards. good for you, and good for jessica. it's lovely to know there's a bit more empathy in the world now.
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[deleted]
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nta. this is actual parenting. kids don't tend to get empathy until later on in life, it's usually always about them. most people have to experience something to understand it - you've literally taught your kid empathy. my parents would get me and my siblings to volunteer during holidays and after school. my mum would say that the only difference between them and me is that i have a family who can take care of me, so i should take care of others.
due to that, i've grown up to be able to empathise really well. i'm not one to question what a homeless person does with the money i give them, whose to say i'd use it for anything better. i still volunteer. i have a strong interest in politics and societal interests.
you've also supported your daughter that it is okay to say she was wrong. so many people go through life being too proud to admit they were wrong. your daughter when she was wrong, and it dawned on her, she had no problem doing something to fix it.
we don't teach math and english in school by just telling them, we give them problems (experiences) to help them understand on their own.
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omg. your kids are going to turn into the most amazing adults. keep doing what you’re doing. what an amazing mother. nta.
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nta - good on you for teaching your daughter a lesson, i hope the homeless guy is ok, he is the victim in this story. it must have been horrible for him, but a hotel stay may have done him good
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nta you found a way to show your daughter a different way of thinking without vilifying her. and clearly if she's decided she wants to go out of her own way to help the homeless now your lesson worked, which means your parenting works. you aren't forcing her to continue that behavior, the consequence was for one night and you handled it well
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the fact that your daughter had such a change of heart says you're doing a great job as a mom. don't second guess yourself, it was a good call.
nta
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nta and your sister needs to mind her own business. but the older girl should be in the tent too. she filmed it instead of stopping it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (34f) am a single mother to two girls, 'jasmine' (16f) and 'jessica' (14f). their dad died when i was pregnant with jess, and i had to work hard. we hit rock bottom, and i was barely making paycheque to paycheque but i managed to get a degree, become successful and we live well. point is, i know how fucking hard it is to be at the bottom of society, and my daughters know this, which is why i was livid at my daughter's actions. yesterday, jasmine showed me a video of jessica cussing a homeless man out and telling him, 'stop asking me for money, you'd earn it yourself if you weren't so fucking lazy and spending what you earned on substances.' when the homeless man complained about the cold (we live in ne england), jessica responded 'yeah people camp for fun, even in december, you can't complain, you're living someone's holiday.' fury was an understatement for what i felt, as i thought i had raised an empathetic daughter. along with finding the homeless man and making her apologise and help pay for a hotel room for a night for him (she paid £20), as well as signing her up to volunteer at a food bank - i decided to take her up on her offer of sleeping outside. i locked her bedroom door so she couldn't go in, put a sign on it saying *closed for the holidays,* pitched a tent in the garden and filled it with blankets and the sleeping bag i used when i was camping in norway on a family holiday as a teen (aka really bloody thermal). i slept in the room closest to the garden for that night so i was nearby if anything was to go wrong. she was reluctant to do it, but chose it over the option of not having access to her phone until the christmas holidays are over. in the morning, she was crying about how horrible it was to wake up on a cold mat and get disrupted sleep due to birds. after comforting her, i asked her would she like to do that everyday like the homeless man. it struck a cord with her and she was crying over her actions, while even after the £20 she was rolling her eyes and her apology was not sincere. this afternoon, i came home from work to jessica making a big meal to donate to the homeless people who live on the road near our house. i was proud of how she turned over a new leaf, and after taking the food to the people, my sister came over. apparently, my nephew and jessica were talking at school, and he asked her about her plans for the afternoon, and she said that she was going to cook for the homeless. my nephew asked what triggered that, and jess told him everything, which he relayed back to his mum. my sister said that my punishment was too harsh, and just the £20 and the food bank would have done the trick, and i was acting irrationally due to my past. now i'm second guessing myself. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (34f) am a single mother to two girls, 'jasmine' (16f) and 'jessica' (14f). their dad died when i was pregnant with jess, and i had to work hard. we hit rock bottom, and i was barely making paycheque to paycheque but i managed to get a degree, become successful and we live well. point is, i know how fucking hard it is to be at the bottom of society, and my daughters know this, which is why i was livid at my daughter's actions. yesterday, jasmine showed me a video of jessica cussing a homeless man out and telling him, 'stop asking me for money, you'd earn it yourself if you weren't so fucking lazy and spending what you earned on substances.' when the homeless man complained about the cold (we live in ne england), jessica responded 'yeah people camp for fun, even in december, you can't complain, you're living someone's holiday.' fury was an understatement for what i felt, as i thought i had raised an empathetic daughter. along with finding the homeless man and making her apologise and help pay for a hotel room for a night for him (she paid £20), as well as signing her up to volunteer at a food bank - i decided to take her up on her offer of sleeping outside. i locked her bedroom door so she couldn't go in, put a sign on it saying *closed for the holidays,* pitched a tent in the garden and filled it with blankets and the sleeping bag i used when i was camping in norway on a family holiday as a teen (aka really bloody thermal). i slept in the room closest to the garden for that night so i was nearby if anything was to go wrong. she was reluctant to do it, but chose it over the option of not having access to her phone until the christmas holidays are over. in the morning, she was crying about how horrible it was to wake up on a cold mat and get disrupted sleep due to birds. after comforting her, i asked her would she like to do that everyday like the homeless man. it struck a cord with her and she was crying over her actions, while even after the £20 she was rolling her eyes and her apology was not sincere. this afternoon, i came home from work to jessica making a big meal to donate to the homeless people who live on the road near our house. i was proud of how she turned over a new leaf, and after taking the food to the people, my sister came over. apparently, my nephew and jessica were talking at school, and he asked her about her plans for the afternoon, and she said that she was going to cook for the homeless. my nephew asked what triggered that, and jess told him everything, which he relayed back to his mum. my sister said that my punishment was too harsh, and just the £20 and the food bank would have done the trick, and i was acting irrationally due to my past. now i'm second guessing myself. aita? [/INST] nta. sounds like the apology and £20 wasn’t enough. walking a mile in their shoes taught her empathy. </s>
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AITA for banning my MIL from the house?
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i m39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. i have a16 year old son 'daniel' and i recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years.
her mom and i aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. she's a controlling, self-centered, dolly parton wanna be. i learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap.
fact is, daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social".
mil tried several time to force daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type.
i've realized the effect her behavior had on daniel so i gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as mil and he appreciated this alot. mil didn't like that daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. i told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "i'm just doing this for daaannny;"
last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to daniel. after daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee.
i was in my bedroom when daniel came and said his journal was gone. we looked for it but didn't find it. i asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. i paused for a second to ask where mil was, my fiancee said in the living room but i saw her coming down the stairs. i asked where she was, she said the bathroom. i saw her purse in hand so i bluntly asked if she took daniel's journal. she looked offended and called for my fiancee when i insisted to see inside her purse. she wanted to leave but i didn't let her. fiancee told me to stop it but i insisted and the journal was there. mil tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know daniel better because "she cares about him". i blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left.
my fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top.
it backlashed and and fil argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve i am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to mil. fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til i reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but i won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. i'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just mil and my fiancee thinks i'm selfish to cause drama.
| 31,630 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ompv7i/aita_for_banning_my_mil_from_the_house/
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2021-07-18 12:46:26
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nta and if i were you i’d put off the wedding until you know for sure that your fiancée understands and will stand up for your son (and you) to her family when shit like this happens. i think the ban is 1000% justified.
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[deleted]
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fiancée:”my parents won’t come to the wedding until…”
you: “great! problem solved!”
nta. your son is lucky to have you in his corner.
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nta. mil was way out of line. her behavior is toxic and abusive. you did the right thing, protecting your son from her nonsense.
stand firm. don't let her family push you around in this. whatever "drama" your fiance thinks will cause will be nothing compared to the damage mil can do to your son.
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nta
but you realise that your fiancée is putting her desire to not want an argument with her family above your son's wellbeing right? she should've been standing up for your son against her mother for all her prior behaviour already, but the fact that she's actively choosing to basically side with her mother on this (by not defending your son) is abhorrent.
do you really want to be with someone who would put her own comfort over your son's wellbeing? do you really think your son will be able to trust your fiancée? feel safe and comfortable in his own home? knowing that fiancée will let her mother in the house?
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nta except for the part where you compare this horrible woman to the amazing and lovable dolly. dolly doesn't deserve that type of slander.
keep standing up for your son. if your fiance isn't on his side in this and thinks her mother's fake tears are more important than him feeling safe in his own home... you've got more to think about than just this one situation because i foresee the kid starting to post here before the ink is dry on the guestbook.
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at first, i thought you were talking about your late wife's mother. i chalked her behavior up to grief. holy crap, this woman isn't even related to your son in any way. your primary responsibility is your son. even when (if?) she is your wife, your fiance will also take a backseat to his needs. do not marry this woman until she is willing to set and enforce boundaries with her parents. nta.
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you need to take a look at this relationship and decide if it’s worth continuing or not. you are the father of a child that lost his mother when he was 10 years old. he now has someone his father is going to marry that isn’t going to do what is best for him, but her own mother because that’s what she’s been trained to do her entire life. you will never replace his mother and shouldn’t try, but at least find someone who will stand up for him no matter what. are you truly prepared to have this fight over and over again or put your sons feelings to the side to keep the peace? you need to stop calling them mil and fil until they have the decency to treat your son with the respect he deserves. is this family one that your late wife would be happy for your son to live with? it’s not about you or them, it’s about your son. nta for protecting him, but you will be if you let this continue.
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nta! this sounds like a very toxic family combo that daniel didn't sign up to be a part of. how would your deceased wife feel? i'd end this now before this abuse permanently traumatizes your son
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yta for not kicking your fiancé to the curb for enabling her mother's toxic behavior.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i m39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. i have a16 year old son 'daniel' and i recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years. her mom and i aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. she's a controlling, self-centered, dolly parton wanna be. i learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap. fact is, daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social". mil tried several time to force daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type. i've realized the effect her behavior had on daniel so i gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as mil and he appreciated this alot. mil didn't like that daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. i told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "i'm just doing this for daaannny;" last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to daniel. after daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee. i was in my bedroom when daniel came and said his journal was gone. we looked for it but didn't find it. i asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. i paused for a second to ask where mil was, my fiancee said in the living room but i saw her coming down the stairs. i asked where she was, she said the bathroom. i saw her purse in hand so i bluntly asked if she took daniel's journal. she looked offended and called for my fiancee when i insisted to see inside her purse. she wanted to leave but i didn't let her. fiancee told me to stop it but i insisted and the journal was there. mil tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know daniel better because "she cares about him". i blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left. my fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top. it backlashed and and fil argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve i am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to mil. fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til i reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but i won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. i'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just mil and my fiancee thinks i'm selfish to cause drama.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i m39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. i have a16 year old son 'daniel' and i recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years. her mom and i aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. she's a controlling, self-centered, dolly parton wanna be. i learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap. fact is, daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social". mil tried several time to force daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type. i've realized the effect her behavior had on daniel so i gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as mil and he appreciated this alot. mil didn't like that daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. i told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "i'm just doing this for daaannny;" last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to daniel. after daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee. i was in my bedroom when daniel came and said his journal was gone. we looked for it but didn't find it. i asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. i paused for a second to ask where mil was, my fiancee said in the living room but i saw her coming down the stairs. i asked where she was, she said the bathroom. i saw her purse in hand so i bluntly asked if she took daniel's journal. she looked offended and called for my fiancee when i insisted to see inside her purse. she wanted to leave but i didn't let her. fiancee told me to stop it but i insisted and the journal was there. mil tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know daniel better because "she cares about him". i blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left. my fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top. it backlashed and and fil argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve i am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to mil. fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til i reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but i won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. i'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just mil and my fiancee thinks i'm selfish to cause drama. [/INST] nta and if i were you i’d put off the wedding until you know for sure that your fiancée understands and will stand up for your son (and you) to her family when shit like this happens. i think the ban is 1000% justified. </s>
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Aita: For giving my deceased son's college fund to his best friend instead of my nephew?
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this has been causing a conflict with my entire family. and they think that i'm being selfish and unreasonable. let me explain first.
i m39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. he was 15 years old. it was devastating and i just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. they didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. they didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. they didn't take care of other things while i had a lot to deal with i wasn't offered any help just words. they'd just talk but do nothing.
despite the struggle. i've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever i could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. he was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college.
i started saving money to keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. he had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. they were friends for 5 years, and i can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. to be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family.
he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together.
last week. while i was with my family my sister asked me what i was going to do with my son's college money. i didn't wanna mention this but since she asked i told her that i will be giving the money to my son's friend. she barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. my mom agreed that i wasn't thinking straight and that i should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and i was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else.
i didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son i don't even know why he'd be bothered. my sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college i told her this was my decision and i felt more comfortable that way. she started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. when i snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me i'm wrong and that i needed to think about this.
it's just too much pressure and i'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this.
| 31,608 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jrrmdy/aita_for_giving_my_deceased_sons_college_fund_to/
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2020-11-10 19:27:03
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nta. ask her what her plan was for her son’s college if yours hadn’t died, and then tell her to do that. you aren’t obligated to do anything whatsoever with that money that you don’t want to do.
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\> he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together.
goddamn, op, what have i told you about chopping those onions while i'm trying to shitpost for karma?
nta. whether this is a proper 529 plan or just some checking account that you tossed money into, after the intended beneficiary passed away, there's nothing obligating you to pick a contingent beneficiary due to perceived familial obligation.
\> they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out.
your nephew would be better served resenting his parents for not having the discipline nor the charisma to have thought ahead far enough to save money for his education.
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first, i'm so sorry for your loss.
second, nta.
third, *nta.*
fourth, **nta.**
finally, *nta.*
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nta. i'm struggling to see why your sister thought it was any of her business to ask what you were doing with the college money. it's your money and you can do whatever you want with it. and yes, your reasons for giving it to your son's friend are sound - he genuinely sounds like he deserves it.
|
nta
do not give that money to your nephew.
i find it funny that they say your nephew may resent you if he finds out. how would he find out? from his mother? maybe she should just keep her mouth shut. the fact that a teenage boy was more supportive to you than all the adults in your family speaks volumes. tell your sister that if her son works hard he can get scholarships. i’m so sorry for your loss.
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nta. next time your sister wants to talk about being resentful over you not helping out her son, be sure to remind her how resentful *you* are that she offered fuck all help with yours when you needed it. the absolute gall.
your sons friend was his family, and has continued to be so.
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why help someone when they didn't help you?
nta.
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nta. if family was that important to them then they should have shown that by being there for you and your son. it's also not your problem or responsibility to pay for your nephews college because your sister hasn't saved properly. i think giving the college fund to your son's friend is a very sweet idea, and don't let them tell you otherwise.
i'm so sorry for your loss.
|
this brought tears, ngl.
nta, 100%
this child was there for your son. made your son feel good. made your son happy. his friend is a good person.
your own family did nothing to help you, they do not deserve the college fund.
you know that story about the hen who has to grow everything alone, and bake the bread alone, then she's awarded with a feast while the animals who refused to help her had to sit and watch?
thats what this is. youre making the right decision, dont let family who wouldn't help you guilt you into giving them the fund.
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nta just because they are 'family' does not give them a right to your sons college fund.
where were they when your son was having bad days? did your nephew come stay with him? did he help him in any way? were they really good friends? from your post all these things point to no.
it is your money and your decision. if they ask again you can tell them you decided to keep it and it's none of their business. shut down any further discussion on the topic. it's your sisters responsibility to ensure her kid goes to school..... not yours.
also i think it's really nice that you are deciding to help your son's friend with college and i am sure your son would support your choice based on what you've told us.
|
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this has been causing a conflict with my entire family. and they think that i'm being selfish and unreasonable. let me explain first. i m39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. he was 15 years old. it was devastating and i just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. they didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. they didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. they didn't take care of other things while i had a lot to deal with i wasn't offered any help just words. they'd just talk but do nothing. despite the struggle. i've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever i could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. he was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college. i started saving money to keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. he had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. they were friends for 5 years, and i can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. to be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family. he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together. last week. while i was with my family my sister asked me what i was going to do with my son's college money. i didn't wanna mention this but since she asked i told her that i will be giving the money to my son's friend. she barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. my mom agreed that i wasn't thinking straight and that i should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and i was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else. i didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son i don't even know why he'd be bothered. my sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college i told her this was my decision and i felt more comfortable that way. she started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. when i snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me i'm wrong and that i needed to think about this. it's just too much pressure and i'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this has been causing a conflict with my entire family. and they think that i'm being selfish and unreasonable. let me explain first. i m39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. he was 15 years old. it was devastating and i just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. they didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. they didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. they didn't take care of other things while i had a lot to deal with i wasn't offered any help just words. they'd just talk but do nothing. despite the struggle. i've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever i could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. he was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college. i started saving money to keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. he had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. they were friends for 5 years, and i can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. to be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family. he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together. last week. while i was with my family my sister asked me what i was going to do with my son's college money. i didn't wanna mention this but since she asked i told her that i will be giving the money to my son's friend. she barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. my mom agreed that i wasn't thinking straight and that i should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and i was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else. i didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son i don't even know why he'd be bothered. my sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college i told her this was my decision and i felt more comfortable that way. she started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. when i snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me i'm wrong and that i needed to think about this. it's just too much pressure and i'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this. [/INST] nta. ask her what her plan was for her son’s college if yours hadn’t died, and then tell her to do that. you aren’t obligated to do anything whatsoever with that money that you don’t want to do. </s>
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AITA for suing my ex?
|
so i dated a youtuber.
we went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority.
not really important why we broke up, but we broke up.
then i get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. i'm pretty much done with them but i do and i realise they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive.
i continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died through various means.
so i sued my ex.
it ruined them. i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged.
they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them.
after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well. it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't just let it go.
eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing from my ex......
but it meant i could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record.
suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life.
a bunch of my friends said i went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone.
was i the asshole?
| 31,488 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h9emck/aita_for_suing_my_ex/
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2020-06-15 11:38:25
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nta - actions have consequences. her "content" could have ruined your life, but nobody thinks about that huh?
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nta. the ex shouldn't be using a private relationship for youtube views, and deserves everything they got.
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nta. don’t feel badly, part of enforcing a libel or slander suit is to publicize it so that the public record is corrected.
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something tells me that why you broke up might be kind of important to the story
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i’m starting to be concerned by two facts:
- op gives non-answers every time someone asks if he perhaps was abusive
- he did not try to reach some agreement before getting to court - like most sensible people do. he went in for full destruction.
still, based solely on the info provided, i’ll go with nta, but i’m wondering if this is one of those posts where there’s more to the story.
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nta- that’s called liable. you were 100% in the right to sue her
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i smell bullshit.
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this shit is so fake it isn't even funny
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info: did you consider that she saw your behavior in the relationship as emotionally abusive and examine your actions to be sure?
i'm not saying what she did was right. there is a possibility though that she genuinely believes your relationship was abusive.
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uhhhhh... bro is there a chance you might have been actually abusive though? everyone here is saying nt.a but there’s really no context about what your relationship was like. what were some of the things she claimed you did/how do you refute that? info
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
| null | null |
INFO
|
INFO
| 0.090895 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i dated a youtuber. we went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority. not really important why we broke up, but we broke up. then i get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. i'm pretty much done with them but i do and i realise they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive. i continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died through various means. so i sued my ex. it ruined them. i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged. they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them. after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well. it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't just let it go. eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing from my ex...... but it meant i could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record. suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life. a bunch of my friends said i went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone. was i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i dated a youtuber. we went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority. not really important why we broke up, but we broke up. then i get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. i'm pretty much done with them but i do and i realise they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive. i continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died through various means. so i sued my ex. it ruined them. i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged. they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them. after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well. it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't just let it go. eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing from my ex...... but it meant i could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record. suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life. a bunch of my friends said i went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone. was i the asshole? [/INST] nta - actions have consequences. her "content" could have ruined your life, but nobody thinks about that huh? </s>
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AITA for reporting my car stolen when my sister took it after I told her not to?
|
my sisters car broke down 6 months ago because of her own stupidity. i won't go into it here but she ignored the advice of a mechanic and because of that her car broke. i decided to be nice and offer my sister my car until she could get hers fixed as i could bike to work while she needed to drive. she did not get her car fixed for some reason. she claimed to be saving money to do so but every time her paycheck came she spent it. my parents have even offered her a loan to fix her car but she refused. along with all of this, she has been abusing my generosity and taking my car all day and night. i told her she could use it for work but is seems to her that is a free pass to use my car, not fill it with gas, and take it when i specifically tell her not to.
&#x200b;
recently i've been needed to get to work very early and i really don't feel like riding my bike 6 miles at 3 in the morning so i told my sister she had 30 days until i took the spare key from her and she is no longer allowed to use it. that was 32 days ago. yesterday morning she woke up specifically before me to take my car (at 2:30 in the morning). i called her and demanded she bring it back but she just hung up on me. because of this i reported it stolen.
&#x200b;
my sister was arrested 30 minutes later and my parents had to go bail her out. my sister is now facing charges for unauthorized use of a car and my parents and her are pissed. they claim i want way to far here but honestly, i feel justified. my parents are worried if she's found guilty she will loose her job but in my opinion, it's her own fault. am i wrong here? am i an asshole?
| 31,454 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bp8v29/aita_for_reporting_my_car_stolen_when_my_sister/
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2019-05-16 05:40:20
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nta, this is the definition of theft
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nta. she stole your car. sounds like she needs a lesson in accountability.
tell your parents you wouldn’t have had to report it stolen if she brought it back like you asked. why is she not held to the same standard you are?
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nta - you gave her 30 days notice so she had time to make other arrangements. she straight up got early to take your car on purpose so you did not have the ability to use it. maybe reporting it as stolen was a little far. but i honestly don’t blame you for it. you gave her more than enough time and ultimately, it’s your car.
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nta. she stole your car. her actions were premeditated (coming over at 2.30am when she knew you would be leaving at 3am) and she deliberately hung up on you when you tried calling her. you even gave her 30 days notice. she had every intention to steal.
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harsh but fair
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nta
gave her 30 days and she also hung up on you. justified. she shouldn’t get away with this she’s being immature
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nta
she literally stole your car.
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nta. she stole your car after you specifically told her she couldn't use it anymore. definition of theft. doesn't matter if she's family or not, you were more than reasonable and she completely abused your generosity. the only thing that makes me sad is that your parents bailed her ass out, she should've stayed in jail longer.
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nta- she took a car she wasnt legally entitled to. thats stealing a car.
yeah it was your car and she was your sister but that doesnt change anything. its was still
a car she wasnt legally entitled to that she took. theft.
maybe this will teach her responsability!
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a bit different then the consensus but tbh esh. she is primarily the asshole, however, the response is way over the top. i feel like it could of been dealt with differently, but to each their own.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sisters car broke down 6 months ago because of her own stupidity. i won't go into it here but she ignored the advice of a mechanic and because of that her car broke. i decided to be nice and offer my sister my car until she could get hers fixed as i could bike to work while she needed to drive. she did not get her car fixed for some reason. she claimed to be saving money to do so but every time her paycheck came she spent it. my parents have even offered her a loan to fix her car but she refused. along with all of this, she has been abusing my generosity and taking my car all day and night. i told her she could use it for work but is seems to her that is a free pass to use my car, not fill it with gas, and take it when i specifically tell her not to. &#x200b; recently i've been needed to get to work very early and i really don't feel like riding my bike 6 miles at 3 in the morning so i told my sister she had 30 days until i took the spare key from her and she is no longer allowed to use it. that was 32 days ago. yesterday morning she woke up specifically before me to take my car (at 2:30 in the morning). i called her and demanded she bring it back but she just hung up on me. because of this i reported it stolen. &#x200b; my sister was arrested 30 minutes later and my parents had to go bail her out. my sister is now facing charges for unauthorized use of a car and my parents and her are pissed. they claim i want way to far here but honestly, i feel justified. my parents are worried if she's found guilty she will loose her job but in my opinion, it's her own fault. am i wrong here? am i an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sisters car broke down 6 months ago because of her own stupidity. i won't go into it here but she ignored the advice of a mechanic and because of that her car broke. i decided to be nice and offer my sister my car until she could get hers fixed as i could bike to work while she needed to drive. she did not get her car fixed for some reason. she claimed to be saving money to do so but every time her paycheck came she spent it. my parents have even offered her a loan to fix her car but she refused. along with all of this, she has been abusing my generosity and taking my car all day and night. i told her she could use it for work but is seems to her that is a free pass to use my car, not fill it with gas, and take it when i specifically tell her not to. &#x200b; recently i've been needed to get to work very early and i really don't feel like riding my bike 6 miles at 3 in the morning so i told my sister she had 30 days until i took the spare key from her and she is no longer allowed to use it. that was 32 days ago. yesterday morning she woke up specifically before me to take my car (at 2:30 in the morning). i called her and demanded she bring it back but she just hung up on me. because of this i reported it stolen. &#x200b; my sister was arrested 30 minutes later and my parents had to go bail her out. my sister is now facing charges for unauthorized use of a car and my parents and her are pissed. they claim i want way to far here but honestly, i feel justified. my parents are worried if she's found guilty she will loose her job but in my opinion, it's her own fault. am i wrong here? am i an asshole? [/INST] nta, this is the definition of theft </s>
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AITA for gifting my sister pictures of my dog?
|
i'm a bit of a jackass i will admit, but hear me out. so today i was at my parent's house to celebrate christmas eve with my side of the family (as this year i will be spending christmas with my girlfriend's this year). anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. something i should note about my sister is that she loves her children. which is great and i do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on.
while it's nice, i don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and i know this might sound selfish, but i don't really want them as i don't know what to do with them. they end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was huge. obviously i didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. i never say anything to her as i don't want to offend her and ruin christmas.
so that's when i had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. i put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. i love my dog as my child, so i figured i'd gift it to my sister. (i also got her a $25 starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and i wasn't trying to be petty). anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am i supposed to do with this?" without a thought i said, "same thing i do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table".
long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". which i don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, i thought it was funny, but i need unbiased opinons, aita?
| 31,433 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ef49r2/aita_for_gifting_my_sister_pictures_of_my_dog/
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2019-12-24 17:25:07
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nta. she got you a wall sized tapestry of her kids. that right there makes her the asshole.
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nta - i would love a picture of your dog dressed up
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nta pictures of your kids as a christmas gifts is tacky, in my humble opinion. especially to non-grandparents.
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yta for not sharing the picture. what the fuck, op? let me see your dog!
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op can we see said dog picture
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nta
it’s tacky of her to complain about a gift like that, it’s clearly funny and she’s an adult
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nta.it was a cute funny gift and you followed up with an actual gift that she would like. next year you should get her socks with your dogs face knitted into it or a fleece blanket with your dogs face plastered all over it
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nta. if your sister can't take a joke, she can get over it.
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due to spez attempting to censor the internet i am leaving this site.
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nta. it was a joke, she just didn’t like what it said about her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a bit of a jackass i will admit, but hear me out. so today i was at my parent's house to celebrate christmas eve with my side of the family (as this year i will be spending christmas with my girlfriend's this year). anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. something i should note about my sister is that she loves her children. which is great and i do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on. while it's nice, i don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and i know this might sound selfish, but i don't really want them as i don't know what to do with them. they end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was huge. obviously i didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. i never say anything to her as i don't want to offend her and ruin christmas. so that's when i had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. i put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. i love my dog as my child, so i figured i'd gift it to my sister. (i also got her a $25 starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and i wasn't trying to be petty). anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am i supposed to do with this?" without a thought i said, "same thing i do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table". long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". which i don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, i thought it was funny, but i need unbiased opinons, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a bit of a jackass i will admit, but hear me out. so today i was at my parent's house to celebrate christmas eve with my side of the family (as this year i will be spending christmas with my girlfriend's this year). anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. something i should note about my sister is that she loves her children. which is great and i do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on. while it's nice, i don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and i know this might sound selfish, but i don't really want them as i don't know what to do with them. they end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was huge. obviously i didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. i never say anything to her as i don't want to offend her and ruin christmas. so that's when i had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. i put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. i love my dog as my child, so i figured i'd gift it to my sister. (i also got her a $25 starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and i wasn't trying to be petty). anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am i supposed to do with this?" without a thought i said, "same thing i do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table". long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". which i don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, i thought it was funny, but i need unbiased opinons, aita? [/INST] nta. she got you a wall sized tapestry of her kids. that right there makes her the asshole. </s>
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AITA for throwing out my mom after she threw out my weed?
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throwaway in case someone i know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account.
so i am a 30 year old man. i'm single and live alone in a house that i own. a few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. so i decided to let her stay with me.
i have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. i knew my mom disliked weed so i warned her before she moved in that i would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. she agreed, and only asked that i smoke outside. which i thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it.
at first this worked out fine at first. but she started making remarks about how i should quit, ect. i mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. then it evolved to her demanding that i quit. as if i were still a child she could issue orders to. i refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. she started crying and saying that i don't love her, i have a problem, ect.
the next day, i come home from work to find her waiting for me. she explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. and then demanded that i go to treatment.
well, predictably, i was furious. and not even really about not having the weed anymore. it is pretty cheap (i usually buy ounces for $125) and i can easily get more. it was about her total lack of respect for me. i'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. so someone i'm doing a huge favor for demanding that i stop and throwing out my stuff when i refused is extremely outrageous to me. no matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago.
anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. so i told her she can't live with me anymore. i gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away.
she obviously thinks i'm a huge asshole. so does my brother. but i think that's mostly because she is his problem now.
| 31,402 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hm9j4o/aita_for_throwing_out_my_mom_after_she_threw_out/
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2020-07-06 15:18:25
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nta. it wouldn’t even matter if you smoked purely recreationally- you’re an adult, you have your own home and your own life, her approval isn’t necessary. it sounds like she might have been trying to “over-parent” you because moving in with you upset the power dynamic you’re used to. good job setting the boundary and enforcing it.
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nta- your house, your rules. if she can’t follow the rules, she gotta go! good for you for setting boundaries.
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nta. that's medical, no different than the pills people have to take everyday and is often the less addictive alternative to harsh medication. sounds like she doesn't take your medical health seriously and has zero respect for you as an adult in your own house who lent her a hand in trying times.
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nta some parents truly don't understand that they can't dictate their adult children's lives and it's hard. your family will probably treat you like you're the ah but just know that you're not
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nta. as a medical cannabis patient myself, i would be equally as mad if my own mother had thrown out my medicine. that’s the biggest part i think people don’t get really, that for a medical patient it’s medicine. if a chronic pain patient was on opioids every day simply to be able to get up and move you wouldn’t flush their pills down the toilet and call them a junkie. cannabis isn’t even capable of causing physical dependence, and the worst withdrawal symptoms are all psychological. you used your own hard earned money to pay for your medicine and she came in and threw it out because of a social stigma she learned when she was a kid. i’ll be so glad when all the boomers give up the whole “reefer madness” bullshit. i live in a legal state and i still deal with people treating cannabis like hard drug that only ne’er do well’s use. shit has me blew.
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nta, throw her doctor prescribed medications down the toilet and tell her that’s exactly what she did to you 😂
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nta, you warned her about it and she still moved in. i think she is a manipulator becuase of how she went about doing what she did.
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nta it's no different if she tossed your prescription down the toilet just because it's " it's not needed" or she thinks your addicted. she may be your mother but it doesn't make her a medical professional.
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even if it wasn’t medical or legal, it’s your house. you are not a child and it is not her home to make rules in. nta.
just wait until she tries to lay down some law at your brother’s house and you’ll see if you’re still the asshole with him.
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nta. it doesn’t matter that it was weed - she damaged your belongings. hope your brother hides his fun stuff before your mom gets to his place.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway in case someone i know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account. so i am a 30 year old man. i'm single and live alone in a house that i own. a few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. so i decided to let her stay with me. i have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. i knew my mom disliked weed so i warned her before she moved in that i would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. she agreed, and only asked that i smoke outside. which i thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it. at first this worked out fine at first. but she started making remarks about how i should quit, ect. i mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. then it evolved to her demanding that i quit. as if i were still a child she could issue orders to. i refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. she started crying and saying that i don't love her, i have a problem, ect. the next day, i come home from work to find her waiting for me. she explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. and then demanded that i go to treatment. well, predictably, i was furious. and not even really about not having the weed anymore. it is pretty cheap (i usually buy ounces for $125) and i can easily get more. it was about her total lack of respect for me. i'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. so someone i'm doing a huge favor for demanding that i stop and throwing out my stuff when i refused is extremely outrageous to me. no matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago. anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. so i told her she can't live with me anymore. i gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away. she obviously thinks i'm a huge asshole. so does my brother. but i think that's mostly because she is his problem now.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway in case someone i know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account. so i am a 30 year old man. i'm single and live alone in a house that i own. a few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. so i decided to let her stay with me. i have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. i knew my mom disliked weed so i warned her before she moved in that i would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. she agreed, and only asked that i smoke outside. which i thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it. at first this worked out fine at first. but she started making remarks about how i should quit, ect. i mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. then it evolved to her demanding that i quit. as if i were still a child she could issue orders to. i refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. she started crying and saying that i don't love her, i have a problem, ect. the next day, i come home from work to find her waiting for me. she explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. and then demanded that i go to treatment. well, predictably, i was furious. and not even really about not having the weed anymore. it is pretty cheap (i usually buy ounces for $125) and i can easily get more. it was about her total lack of respect for me. i'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. so someone i'm doing a huge favor for demanding that i stop and throwing out my stuff when i refused is extremely outrageous to me. no matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago. anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. so i told her she can't live with me anymore. i gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away. she obviously thinks i'm a huge asshole. so does my brother. but i think that's mostly because she is his problem now. [/INST] nta. it wouldn’t even matter if you smoked purely recreationally- you’re an adult, you have your own home and your own life, her approval isn’t necessary. it sounds like she might have been trying to “over-parent” you because moving in with you upset the power dynamic you’re used to. good job setting the boundary and enforcing it. </s>
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AITA for banning my husband’s female friend from our house?
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throwaway account, english is not my first language, i’m on mobile - i apologise.
i (27f) have been married with my husband (m32) for three years and haven been dating for a little over 5. my husband has this friend (f31) ‘mary’. they’ve known each other since they were in high school and she’s considered ‘one of the boys’, if you may. that basically means she’s always invited to all the fishing trips and stuff, which i don’t mind at all, i trust my husband.
well, my problems with mary started when she first found out i’m half romanian. it started kinda innocently, with her asking me to say certain words, teach her some insults etc which didn’t necessarily bother me, but it usually put me on the spot whenever we were out with my husband’s group of friends. it only escalated to her googling stuff about romania and asking me ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? i bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’ (which is just blatantly racist)
last week, me and my husband organised a mini bbq with our friends and mary was invited by my husband despite me telling him she makes me uncomfortable. he said he had talked to her about her remarks and she’s been understanding so it’s unlikely she’ll say something this time.
it was midnight and there were about 4 of us left and i accidentally spilled some red wine on mary’s jeans when i tripped over a carpet. all hell broke loose. mary started saying that i’m a witch and i’m trying to ruin her life and this whole thing is part of my ritual and i’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy trying to ruin my husband’s life’ and i’ve poisoned my husband against her. i started crying and profusely apologising. when she wouldn’t drop it, i kicked her out and banned her from ever coming to my house again.
aita for doing this? my husband insists that mary was just drunk and talking nonsense and he would talk to her. he also told me i’m way too sensitive about my heritage and i’m an a-hole for banning her. mary has since given me a half hearted apology but i’m still not ok with her.
| 31,306 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hkh0dd/aita_for_banning_my_husbands_female_friend_from/
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2020-07-03 10:54:19
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nta
i think your husband needs to re-evaluate the fact that he’d be friends with someone that’s so disrespectful to his own wife
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nta. she's being racist and your husband should be standing up for you. maybe down the line if her behaviour improves and you forgive her you could consider rescinding the ban, but unless that happens you're doing a reasonable thing and he should be in your corner on this one.
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nta. why does your husband want to be friends with someone who is so awful to you?
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nta. mary sounds like a racist. maybe she's jealous there's another woman in the group now? her remark about how you're turning your husband against her makes me think she feel threatened by you. your husband should be sticking up for you. they both owe you an apology.
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this sounds like mary...is acting like a hugely jealous girlfriend. and because her behaviour has been enabled for so long, she feels entitled to threaten whomever she chooses. she dosnt like that you are centre place for you husband. not her.
your husband needs to grow a pair here and acknowledge that whatever mary may have been allowed to get away with before.....that shit stops now.
ask how he would feel if you had a male friend that was allowed to insult him in his own home.while you went away on trips with him? he needs to step in here...and speak to mary, with you, as a couple. you both need to make it clear, that non of this bs is acceptable. she is racist, offensive, rude and being drunk is never an excuse. she is being nothing more than a toxic bully and that you both have no problem in removing her from your lives. a friend would not do this to her friends wife. a husband would not put his friend feelings before his wife. ask your husband which woman he has married. you are not playing mistress to her. she sounds like shes trying to play it to you though. husband needs to stop enabling her behaviour and making excuses. mary needs to step off entirely until she can learn to be respectful. or not be welcome at all. your house. your rules. do not let this go.
edit...just to add...what exactly do you think she would be like if you had children? they would have a mixed heritage....she going to potentially bully them too? i can just see how this will keep going if you dont stop it....
second edit...thankyou kind strangers for the awards x
edit 3: op i have just read your update. im so sorry you had to find this out in such an awful way. you deserve so much better. do not think the other wives and girlfriends wont be tearing her down over this, and your husband. it will re evaluate the whole friendship group. certainly no female in this group will trust her again. sending you big internet hugs and i wish you a peaceful recovery from this. i truley hope you find happiness in the future xx
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nta for openers you’re don’t need to have anyone in your house that you‘re not comfortable with. in conclusion, mary is strange at best. does she have any women friends? your husband though is the real asshole here. his loyalty is messed up. and remarks about your sensitivity prove it.
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nta. i would seriously have a sit down with your husband and see what the deal is. your are his wife and if he will not defend you against clear bigotry and hatred, then what will he actually stand up for?
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> ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? i bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’
> this whole thing is part of my ritual and i’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy
**never** tolerate such aggression. never ever. react immediately and react hard, at any costs. if you compromise on this, you're lost, you'll become a slave. i hope you understand what i mean. it is zero tolerance and immediate hard reaction or it is you losing self esteem, social status and everything.
from my vast experience, the best reaction is to attack the aggressor with his own weapons, questioning his identity and heritage. re-establishing symmetry.
as for your marriage, i'm afraid your husband will have to choose between you and "mary". make no compromise.
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nta,
but the fact that your husband glands over her racist obnoxious remarks is concerning.
stay away from that evil.
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nta, mary is racist and hubby should frow a pair.
i would also question him being so protective of her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account, english is not my first language, i’m on mobile - i apologise. i (27f) have been married with my husband (m32) for three years and haven been dating for a little over 5. my husband has this friend (f31) ‘mary’. they’ve known each other since they were in high school and she’s considered ‘one of the boys’, if you may. that basically means she’s always invited to all the fishing trips and stuff, which i don’t mind at all, i trust my husband. well, my problems with mary started when she first found out i’m half romanian. it started kinda innocently, with her asking me to say certain words, teach her some insults etc which didn’t necessarily bother me, but it usually put me on the spot whenever we were out with my husband’s group of friends. it only escalated to her googling stuff about romania and asking me ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? i bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’ (which is just blatantly racist) last week, me and my husband organised a mini bbq with our friends and mary was invited by my husband despite me telling him she makes me uncomfortable. he said he had talked to her about her remarks and she’s been understanding so it’s unlikely she’ll say something this time. it was midnight and there were about 4 of us left and i accidentally spilled some red wine on mary’s jeans when i tripped over a carpet. all hell broke loose. mary started saying that i’m a witch and i’m trying to ruin her life and this whole thing is part of my ritual and i’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy trying to ruin my husband’s life’ and i’ve poisoned my husband against her. i started crying and profusely apologising. when she wouldn’t drop it, i kicked her out and banned her from ever coming to my house again. aita for doing this? my husband insists that mary was just drunk and talking nonsense and he would talk to her. he also told me i’m way too sensitive about my heritage and i’m an a-hole for banning her. mary has since given me a half hearted apology but i’m still not ok with her.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account, english is not my first language, i’m on mobile - i apologise. i (27f) have been married with my husband (m32) for three years and haven been dating for a little over 5. my husband has this friend (f31) ‘mary’. they’ve known each other since they were in high school and she’s considered ‘one of the boys’, if you may. that basically means she’s always invited to all the fishing trips and stuff, which i don’t mind at all, i trust my husband. well, my problems with mary started when she first found out i’m half romanian. it started kinda innocently, with her asking me to say certain words, teach her some insults etc which didn’t necessarily bother me, but it usually put me on the spot whenever we were out with my husband’s group of friends. it only escalated to her googling stuff about romania and asking me ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? i bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’ (which is just blatantly racist) last week, me and my husband organised a mini bbq with our friends and mary was invited by my husband despite me telling him she makes me uncomfortable. he said he had talked to her about her remarks and she’s been understanding so it’s unlikely she’ll say something this time. it was midnight and there were about 4 of us left and i accidentally spilled some red wine on mary’s jeans when i tripped over a carpet. all hell broke loose. mary started saying that i’m a witch and i’m trying to ruin her life and this whole thing is part of my ritual and i’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy trying to ruin my husband’s life’ and i’ve poisoned my husband against her. i started crying and profusely apologising. when she wouldn’t drop it, i kicked her out and banned her from ever coming to my house again. aita for doing this? my husband insists that mary was just drunk and talking nonsense and he would talk to her. he also told me i’m way too sensitive about my heritage and i’m an a-hole for banning her. mary has since given me a half hearted apology but i’m still not ok with her. [/INST] nta i think your husband needs to re-evaluate the fact that he’d be friends with someone that’s so disrespectful to his own wife </s>
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AITA for making a punny "wall of shame" for people who stole from my mom's garden?
|
my mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist i guess.
anyway my dash cam of my car which i park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen i printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said
"oh hay there! don't be a daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard thyme! we hope thistle be a lesson to yew!
and i put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy"
. i thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... my mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen
but i got a couple complains, one neighbor said i needed to take it down because i had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. and that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him.
i told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that i was being petty. i called his kid a little birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty.
another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... but yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. and he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. my mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off.
anyway i guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed.
aita for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? hoping to get them to stop?
| 31,282 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mua3bp/aita_for_making_a_punny_wall_of_shame_for_people/
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2021-04-19 20:44:39
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nta. these people stole. that's a crime. and instead of pressing charges or whatever you have created something truly delightful. (i wish i were half as clever as you because i'd come up with a pun of my own.)
not only are you not an asshole, you're also my hero.
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nta. if they don't like it, they can get clover it.
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nta. don't do the crime if you can't do the thyme!
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nta
this sounds like a hilarious way to call people out for stealing from someone's property. sounds like some of these people are ruining the garden and not just taking a flower here and there.
to the parent complaining about his sons picture being there, he should have his son apologize to your mom in order to get his picture down. maybe even have the son bring your mom some flowers (parents can buy some if he can't) as a way to show he is actually sorry. going straight to how it's public shaming instead of telling his son not to steal from other people is kind of funny.
doubt your mom would have minded if the kid said he wanted a couple flowers for his sick gf as long as he actually asked her first.
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brilliant! you and your mom rock. it may be "petty", but they're committing petty theft. these people should be publicly shamed, at least in your neighborhood, and its not like you're blasting them on social media. nta.
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nta. i think this is boss. a local video store used to have a wall of shame for people who never returned videos and it was pretty good prevention for me at least.
has anyone who didn’t steal from you complain about it?
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nta, but i would sit with your mum and discuss how to get off the wall of shame. is it after some period of time? an apology and compensation? etc. so when people come to ask to be removed you can explain the process.
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i'd say nta, i'm assuming these are adults who know better than to steal that are being shamed? also regarding the guy's kid who's a minor, he should be teaching his child not to steal it doesn't matter if it was just flowers he shouldn't have touched them.
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nta because they literally stole from you guys. to take proper cuttings or to take the roses, you need some tools of sorts which requires the forethought of “i’m taking something that isn’t mine without permission.” stores in my area have a “board of beer shame” of those who either stole or attempted to steal alcohol so it’s not like this is a new idea, although you’re puns were great. besides, who brings back a useless chunk of a plant they stole? what did they expect, that you’d just gorilla glue that baby back on?
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nta. . . . but bordering on esh. at the point that someone apologizes and tries to make it right, especially if it's a kid, you should probably take it down, especially if it was a cutting and not stealing a whole ass potted plant. but it doesn't sound like these people were particularly apologetic, just demanding, so they can eff off. if i were you and your mom, i'd tell the kid he can work it off with an hour of work in the garden, and the adult that she can bring a full and healthy new plant to replace the one she damaged, and then take them down.
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist i guess. anyway my dash cam of my car which i park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen i printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said "oh hay there! don't be a daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard thyme! we hope thistle be a lesson to yew! and i put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy" . i thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... my mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen but i got a couple complains, one neighbor said i needed to take it down because i had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. and that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him. i told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that i was being petty. i called his kid a little birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty. another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... but yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. and he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. my mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off. anyway i guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed. aita for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? hoping to get them to stop?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist i guess. anyway my dash cam of my car which i park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen i printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said "oh hay there! don't be a daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard thyme! we hope thistle be a lesson to yew! and i put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy" . i thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... my mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen but i got a couple complains, one neighbor said i needed to take it down because i had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. and that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him. i told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that i was being petty. i called his kid a little birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty. another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... but yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. and he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. my mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off. anyway i guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed. aita for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? hoping to get them to stop? [/INST] nta. these people stole. that's a crime. and instead of pressing charges or whatever you have created something truly delightful. (i wish i were half as clever as you because i'd come up with a pun of my own.) not only are you not an asshole, you're also my hero. </s>
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AITA for being honest about how I was bullied and how the teachers at my school did nothing about it while being interviewed by a current student?
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i’m an author of mild success. i’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. about 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me.
i responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but i would give the student responses relating to my career. we had a great chat. she started asking questions about my time at the school, but i redirected. she caught on to what i was doing and asked “i’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). is that true?”
i said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “actually this could be a better story.”
so i said y’know what, sure. whatever. i don’t owe the school anything, i’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and i’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. i mentioned a few names in specific, and how i’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents.
i mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way i dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. i brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when i broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “moolly” for the rest of the year and when i yelled “my name is molly. *molly”* she had me suspended for a week.
she ended up publishing the whole interview. nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on fb with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community.
a few weeks later, i was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. the teacher responsible for the “moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did i remember things wrong?
finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and i was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was x years ago so why can’t i just get over it, etc. some of them obviously haven’t changed.
it was a long time ago, yes. i don’t know how i really feel about how this all went down though. i know times are tough for teachers right now. i didn’t set out to hurt anyone, i was just telling my truth. aita?
**
| 31,227 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lb4bjq/aita_for_being_honest_about_how_i_was_bullied_and/
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2021-02-02 19:37:07
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nta.
> trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people
you weren't trying to do anything, they *were* bad people.
> i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members
those community members did a good job of ruining their own reputations.
it's not your fault they're finally being held accountable.
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nta. dude. i have *dreams* about getting mildly famous and doing an interview revealing all the ways my school was a cesspit of shit.
*you just lived my dream op*. nta nta nta!
honestly the women does not deserve an award if she bullies students.
and the school should have reached out to you, apologized, and asked what they can do better. their whole attitude shows they are *still* a terrible school!
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nta
you told the truth. people got things taken away from them and got a bad reputation for their actions. you didn’t make them act that way.
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you are soooo nta. the school is upset because the truth makes them look bad?!? think about that. the truth makes the school look bad.
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nta. funny how the burden is supposed to be on *you*, the former student, to protect all these upstanding, experienced pillars of the community, and not on them to explain themselves. which clearly they can't, or the one who made fun of your name wouldn't have had her award yanked purely on your say-so.
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nta. if the school’s response to this is to attempt to guilt and gaslight you into backing off, instead of at least apologizing for what happened to you, then they absolutely deserve to have their reputation ruined. and if that teacher lost a lifetime teaching award over it, i’m wondering if your story caused other students to come forward with stories of being bullied by her.
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nta. a quote i found a few years ago- “ you own everything that happened to you. tell your stories. if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”
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nta - you told the truth, and unfortunately i'm guessing that these teachers and students who made your life hell never learnt that actions have consequences.
well, now they know.
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do you have a link to this interview? i vote we make it go viral. oh nta. but let's be real, you knew that already. you were not out of line at all.
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nta “maybe you remember it wrong” is a term often used towards victims when they in fact do not remember it wrong. the teachers were a piece of sh/ and finally got their bs called out. awwww poor teachers they finally got their bullying called out, awww- cry me a river and build a bridge.
“get over it” you can still tell the story and still be over it. the interviewer asked you about school, were you supposed to lie and paint the school as a beautiful place when it, in reality condones bullying from both students and faculty?? nta it’s about time they got their sh/ called out.
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m an author of mild success. i’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. about 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me. i responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but i would give the student responses relating to my career. we had a great chat. she started asking questions about my time at the school, but i redirected. she caught on to what i was doing and asked “i’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). is that true?” i said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “actually this could be a better story.” so i said y’know what, sure. whatever. i don’t owe the school anything, i’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and i’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. i mentioned a few names in specific, and how i’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents. i mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way i dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. i brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when i broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “moolly” for the rest of the year and when i yelled “my name is molly. *molly”* she had me suspended for a week. she ended up publishing the whole interview. nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on fb with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community. a few weeks later, i was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. the teacher responsible for the “moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did i remember things wrong? finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and i was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was x years ago so why can’t i just get over it, etc. some of them obviously haven’t changed. it was a long time ago, yes. i don’t know how i really feel about how this all went down though. i know times are tough for teachers right now. i didn’t set out to hurt anyone, i was just telling my truth. aita? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m an author of mild success. i’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. about 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me. i responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but i would give the student responses relating to my career. we had a great chat. she started asking questions about my time at the school, but i redirected. she caught on to what i was doing and asked “i’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). is that true?” i said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “actually this could be a better story.” so i said y’know what, sure. whatever. i don’t owe the school anything, i’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and i’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. i mentioned a few names in specific, and how i’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents. i mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way i dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. i brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when i broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “moolly” for the rest of the year and when i yelled “my name is molly. *molly”* she had me suspended for a week. she ended up publishing the whole interview. nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on fb with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community. a few weeks later, i was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. the teacher responsible for the “moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did i remember things wrong? finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and i was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was x years ago so why can’t i just get over it, etc. some of them obviously haven’t changed. it was a long time ago, yes. i don’t know how i really feel about how this all went down though. i know times are tough for teachers right now. i didn’t set out to hurt anyone, i was just telling my truth. aita? ** [/INST] nta. > trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people you weren't trying to do anything, they *were* bad people. > i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members those community members did a good job of ruining their own reputations. it's not your fault they're finally being held accountable. </s>
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Aita for only going to black salons
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hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. i am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). i have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with.
when i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. she showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. my hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice.
well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. one of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. when i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. the others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. i dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before.
| 31,123 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/okvcuj/aita_for_only_going_to_black_salons/
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2021-07-15 15:38:20
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nta, black woman here with 4c hair. you use the products and resources that best suit your needs. it wouldn't be a black vs white issue if the beauty industry recognized the need and taught students how to do all types of hair.
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nta and as a black dude, i really wish white people would stop speaking for us in this manner. it's not helping in the way they think it is
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i wonder who would be a better arbiter of whether this was cultural appropriation; the black women who style your hair, or your goofy white friends? nta.
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>black products and services that should only be used by black people
your friend is trying so hard to be woke that she is actually racist! shouldn't she be happy you are supporting a black-owned business and black products? nta
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nta, people take the "cultural appropriation" thing way too far, and this is a good example. my wife is black and my kids are mixed race. i can't tell you how many times my son's hair has been butchered by someone who didn't know how to work with tight curly hair. it's about your hair, not "race". you're supporting black-owned businesses too.
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nta. your coworkers do not understand what it takes to take care of curly hair, nor do they understand cultural appropriation. cultural appropriation is rachel dolezal pretending to be black for years and running her local naacp. cultural appropriation is fashion designers who are not indigenous/native peoples using indigenous or native designs in their fashions without knowing or acknowledging the significance of those designs. black hair products were formulated originated for black hair care because for a long time there were no products that worked well with our hair. the bonus is it works great for all curly-heads. so continue going to the salon, continue being beautiful, rock your glorious curls, and thank you for supporting black businesses.
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nta - this is the reason why people laugh at woke people.
seriously, "cultural appropriation" for going to a black salon and using black hair products that works for your hair.
here's the thing, i can practically guarantee you that your hair stylist and the owners of the production don't care that you're white, they care that you're a paying customer.
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nta! many non-black hair salons won't even know what you mean when you say, 3c and start talking about porosity.
supporting black-owned business is the opposite of what you're friends are accusing you of. they are idiots!
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nta. perhaps i’m a little biased, but licensed stylists do not need to know how to properly care for and maintain black hair, aka kinky curly hair, in order to receive their license. so going to the stylists that do already know how to work with your hair type is the logical solution. it just so happens that the predominant demographic of people with hair like yours are black. don’t listen to their performative allyship, black stylists know why you go to them.
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nta - that sounds like a bizarre argument to make, particularly from a white person. what you're describing is not cultural appropriation. cultural appropriation is *mis*use of a culture's custom(s) for reasons like entertainment, mockery, etc. you are literally using the products and services as intended. to suggest that you are racist here is actually racist, it assumes that black people need protection from white saviors to enforce some sort of defensive barrier for their products and services.
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. i am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). i have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with. when i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. she showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. my hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice. well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. one of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. when i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. the others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. i dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. i am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). i have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with. when i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. she showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. my hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice. well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. one of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. when i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. the others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. i dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before. [/INST] nta, black woman here with 4c hair. you use the products and resources that best suit your needs. it wouldn't be a black vs white issue if the beauty industry recognized the need and taught students how to do all types of hair. </s>
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AITA for sending my coworker into anaphylactic shock?
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i'm at a loss here guys. realistically, i know i'm in the clear. legally, i'm in the clear. but i'm being vilified by my coworkers, and i'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess.
so i work a pretty standard day job, and at night i help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of thai cuisine. tbh i'm insanely picky, but i fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week i take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. people know this and a handful have tried it. it smells nutty, it tastes nutty. it's white girl pad thai, basically.
lately my lunches have been disappearing, or i'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. i've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and i was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. until now.
thursday i took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. i'm pissed, but what can i do? a coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. anaphylaxis. she used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but i don't see it. why should i pay? i don't mark my food as an allergen because i'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have.
but he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because i warned him i'd report any harassment to hr if he tried anything funny. brown nosers, i guess. my friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but i just can't help but feel it's unfair. at the same time, i could have killed his daughter tho... so, aita?
| 31,119 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulwow7/aita_for_sending_my_coworker_into_anaphylactic/
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2022-05-09 17:38:21
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nta - go to hr immediately and make them aware of what is going on. you did absolutely nothing wrong and your boss's behavior is 100% inappropriate.
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nta- you didn't feed it to her. she stole it.
>at the same time, i could have killed his daughter
no, she could have killed herself. my wife had a heavy duty seafood allergy. she wouldn't eat anything without knowing what was in it. like, cesar salad dressing has anchovies in it. other sauces are made with seafood to. it can had in places you wouldn't expect. so, she would never take someone else food (on principle first, because it's stealing) because it could be life threatening.
i would have thought that anyone with a severe food allergy would take the same precautions, but obviously not. well, next time she'll think twice before "borrowing" someone else's food.
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absolutely 100% nta.
>my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) “borrowed” my lunch
*borrowed???* and how exactly is she going to return this food that she *borrowed* after ingesting it? it’s not *borrowing* when she was never planning on returning it or compensating you. i’m so sorry that your boss is terrible.
she **stole** your food. she didn’t ask, she just took it upon herself to take *your* lunch. she is the ta.
is she only doing this to you or is she taking everyone else’s lunch as well?
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nta
go to hr pronto. don't threaten hr. get this on file. see if you can switch departments or supervisors.
report both your boss and his daughter, the food thief.
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go to hr asap. in hr terms what happened is someone stole your lunch and the container it was in. the person who did this is another employee’s close relation, and because that employee is your manager you are facing bullying and reprisal from your manager, and further bullying and hostile work environment from coworkers.
you do not need to put up with this, you are not in the wrong. the daughter, the boss, and the coworkers are all in the wrong and you need to document and report. unfortunately it’s unlikely you can just go back to normal, but what your boss and coworkers are doing is not just shitty but potentially illegal and certainly a liability hr should deal with. typically this type of mess is why companies are wary of hiring relatives of employees except as interns/short term hires.
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stop reading. go to hr and report this before your boss spins it to them as you doing this intentionally. read the rest of the comments later.
nta though.
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nta
she stole from you, and that’s what happened. it’s not your fault that the boss’ daughter didn’t check for peanuts. 100% her own fault.
report the boss to hr regardless, and warn him that you’ll report him again if he takes revenge on any kind on you.
don’t pay a cent towards her medical bills, bill her for the food she stole.
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nta
she,the lunch thief, is an idiot . if she's ond enough to be in the workplace, she's *way past* old enough to know better than to steal and it's insanity for someone with an allergy to a common ingredient to eat random foods without knowing what is in them.
you didn't put her in the hospital, she put herself in the hospital.
i suggest going to hr and getting your side of this story on the record. it's pretty iffy that the daughter was put under her father's supervision- reeks of nepotism .
i also suggest getting out of this work environment, if not by leaving the company altogether then by exploring the possibility of another team, another department, definitely another supervisor.
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nta. his daughter could have killed _herself_ by eating food without knowing what was in it. how were you to know?
you don't "borrow" lunch. you "steal" it.
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nta.
you shouldn't have to mark your food for potential allergies cuz other people are not supposed to be taking your food. they do and that is called stealing.
boss' daughter stealing your food, going into anaphylactic shock, and ending up in the hospital is not your responsibility. it is on her. he can say you poisoned her but that is because he can't bear to blame his little darling for her sticky fingers. you should not be on the hook for any of her medical bills.
i would consider looking for a new job cuz boss man is going to make your life hell, even if you report him to hr.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm at a loss here guys. realistically, i know i'm in the clear. legally, i'm in the clear. but i'm being vilified by my coworkers, and i'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess. so i work a pretty standard day job, and at night i help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of thai cuisine. tbh i'm insanely picky, but i fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week i take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. people know this and a handful have tried it. it smells nutty, it tastes nutty. it's white girl pad thai, basically. lately my lunches have been disappearing, or i'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. i've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and i was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. until now. thursday i took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. i'm pissed, but what can i do? a coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. anaphylaxis. she used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but i don't see it. why should i pay? i don't mark my food as an allergen because i'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have. but he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because i warned him i'd report any harassment to hr if he tried anything funny. brown nosers, i guess. my friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but i just can't help but feel it's unfair. at the same time, i could have killed his daughter tho... so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm at a loss here guys. realistically, i know i'm in the clear. legally, i'm in the clear. but i'm being vilified by my coworkers, and i'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess. so i work a pretty standard day job, and at night i help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of thai cuisine. tbh i'm insanely picky, but i fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week i take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. people know this and a handful have tried it. it smells nutty, it tastes nutty. it's white girl pad thai, basically. lately my lunches have been disappearing, or i'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. i've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and i was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. until now. thursday i took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. i'm pissed, but what can i do? a coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. anaphylaxis. she used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but i don't see it. why should i pay? i don't mark my food as an allergen because i'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have. but he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because i warned him i'd report any harassment to hr if he tried anything funny. brown nosers, i guess. my friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but i just can't help but feel it's unfair. at the same time, i could have killed his daughter tho... so, aita? [/INST] nta - go to hr immediately and make them aware of what is going on. you did absolutely nothing wrong and your boss's behavior is 100% inappropriate. </s>
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AITA for choosing my brother over my marriage?
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my parents divorced when i was 3, and went into separate marriages. i had a rough childhood being split between two different households, it was really messy and made me not want children at all. when i was 20, my parents reconciled after their second marriages had ended and had my brother soon after. i had already been dating my now-wife for a year, and we were eventually married, she agreed with me about not wanting kids.
five years later and my brother is now 6, and all is not well in my parents marriage. my mother had an unexpected hard attack and died. my father did not take it well, and drank himself to death. obviously my family is morning, and i've been trying to find a home for my brother, none of my half-siblings want him.
the only other option would be for him to go into foster care, and i'm not going to let that happen. i told my wife that i was going to become his guardian, and that she did not have to stick around in this marriage if she didn't want to. she did not take it well and is furious that i would choose my brother over her. i doubt my marriage will survive, but i can't let my brother go into foster care.
| 31,103 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bkyn9c/aita_for_choosing_my_brother_over_my_marriage/
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2019-05-05 14:57:32
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info
it kinda depends how the convo went down. if i base my opinion solely off the text, you’re an asshole. i would never introduce an idea as “i’m going to do this and if you don’t like it you can leave”
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nta for stepping up and taking care of your brother but you absolutely could have handled this better. i do not want children in the slightest, but if my husband had a young sibling in need of a home, there would be no question. maybe your wife feels the same way, but you'll never know, because you didn't ask her. you told her what was going to happen and made it into a choice between your brother and wife. if you'd sat down and had a conversation with her, even if it ended the same way, you wouldn't be ta. but you didn't even give her a chance to make a decision. you made it for her, and that's fucked up. that's not what a marriage is.
taking care of your brother: nta ✅
effectively kicking your wife out without so much as an adult conversation: yta ❌
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so... you didn't discuss it? you just told her..? so basically "my way or the high way?" type thing?
"like it or leave it."?
it seems like in no way shape or form like you even included her on this.
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yta that's a horrible thing to say to your wife
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your wife is being unreasonable but that is an absolutely terrible way to address the issue with your wife.
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yta for making the decision unilaterally and then throwing this at her like a brick. you aren't wrong to want to take your brother in, but you just torpedoed your marriage and are acting like she's being unreasonable. she's justifiably hurt by how you handled this.
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> five years later and my brother is now 6, and all is not well in my parents marriage.
this "clever" line before mentioning how the both of them died in awful ways make me want to believe this is a shitpost.
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yta
you approached this horrifically. it’s totally fine to know that you would choose your brother in the end, but this should’ve been a conversation and a collaboration. you should’ve given your wife the chance to get comfortable with the idea and maybe she would’ve gone on board if she felt like an active member in the decision.
instead you made the choice and made it clear her opinion doesn’t matter. chances are she wouldn’t have left you if you handled this like a responsible adult who cares about his wife. she would’ve adjusted to life’s changes. but now i would not blame her if she did leave you solely based on the way you treated the situation.
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yta - not for stepping up to avoid foster hell for your brother, but man, you didn't even make an effort to salvage your marriage. it looks from here like you used the situation with your brother to get out a relationship you weren't happy with.
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yta. not because you are taking your brother in, obviously you should do that. but only because adding ‘you can leave if you want’ was unnecessary and told her in her mind you didn’t care about her very much. that said i realize emotions are very high and right now and you’re going through a lot. my condolences to your family, i hope you can all pull through this and your wife comes to understand.
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.133794 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my parents divorced when i was 3, and went into separate marriages. i had a rough childhood being split between two different households, it was really messy and made me not want children at all. when i was 20, my parents reconciled after their second marriages had ended and had my brother soon after. i had already been dating my now-wife for a year, and we were eventually married, she agreed with me about not wanting kids. five years later and my brother is now 6, and all is not well in my parents marriage. my mother had an unexpected hard attack and died. my father did not take it well, and drank himself to death. obviously my family is morning, and i've been trying to find a home for my brother, none of my half-siblings want him. the only other option would be for him to go into foster care, and i'm not going to let that happen. i told my wife that i was going to become his guardian, and that she did not have to stick around in this marriage if she didn't want to. she did not take it well and is furious that i would choose my brother over her. i doubt my marriage will survive, but i can't let my brother go into foster care.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my parents divorced when i was 3, and went into separate marriages. i had a rough childhood being split between two different households, it was really messy and made me not want children at all. when i was 20, my parents reconciled after their second marriages had ended and had my brother soon after. i had already been dating my now-wife for a year, and we were eventually married, she agreed with me about not wanting kids. five years later and my brother is now 6, and all is not well in my parents marriage. my mother had an unexpected hard attack and died. my father did not take it well, and drank himself to death. obviously my family is morning, and i've been trying to find a home for my brother, none of my half-siblings want him. the only other option would be for him to go into foster care, and i'm not going to let that happen. i told my wife that i was going to become his guardian, and that she did not have to stick around in this marriage if she didn't want to. she did not take it well and is furious that i would choose my brother over her. i doubt my marriage will survive, but i can't let my brother go into foster care. [/INST] info it kinda depends how the convo went down. if i base my opinion solely off the text, you’re an asshole. i would never introduce an idea as “i’m going to do this and if you don’t like it you can leave” </s>
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AITA for calling my brother an “insecure, testicle grabbing, chauvinist man-baby” over his comments about my wife’s makeup?
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that’s the actual quote. i’m still pissed as hell but maybe i went too far here.
my brother and i are both late 30s. we get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation.
our wives are best friends. they talk almost everyday on facetime.
my wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. she’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for christmas and decided she wanted to get more. apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit.
anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly i don’t know what i’m talking about. she looks great all the time. she’s gorgeous without makeup. she’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. i tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. i think it’s cute and funny.
my brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. he called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on facetime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. i tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so i ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing.
he’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. but i think i might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned.
i want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): no, i haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and i’m not going to because i think asking is fucking rude.
she’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. i’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. it makes her happy so i assume that’s why she’s doing it. asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion.
| 30,971 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l05log/aita_for_calling_my_brother_an_insecure_testicle/
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2021-01-18 22:33:24
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nta
when i wear makeup, i do it *for me*. no my husband or any other man. me. many women are the same way. your brother jumping to "she wants to cheat because she is wearing makeup again" is absolute misogynistic garbage and he needed a dressing down.
you sound great and seem to really love and appreciate your wife as well as understand what being supportive means. keep it up.
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nta. your wife has a creative hobby she's enjoying. we're all just trying to survive this godawful pandemic...
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nta it sounds like you truly love your wife and you appreciate her. make-up absolutely does not indicate she's cheating. it's probably an indication of boredom
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i think you may have been a little sensitive to your brothers comments, but i do commend you for standing up for your wife. is there any possibility your brother may be on the autistic spectrum? i only ask as you said
>my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation.
i'm no expert by any means, but this does remind me a little of my child.
.
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nta. you’re a good person. i would guess your brother was well-intentioned, but for the wrong reasons. and maybe this name-calling didn’t quite convey to him _why_ what he was saying was wrong. you may need to have a calm heart-to-heart about him minding his own business once you have cooled down about it.
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nta
that's just accurate. he absolutely is a misogynist with weirdo hangups.
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just wanna say i love your attitude. reading your responses to comments saying how you know she does it for herself and not other people makes me so happy because so many men don’t seem to understand that. your brother is an asshole. and you’re a wonderful person :)
nta
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nta at all, and good for you supporting your wife's hobby. we're all going a little nuts thanks to the current state of the world, so if this gives her something to do then... good for her. your brother is an asshole.
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nta
i rarely wear makeup cause i’m a lazy pile of trash. however, for nye i went full glam (or at least what qualifies as full glam for _me_) for our zoom party. and you bet i wore sweatpants and my comfy crocs. but it was so nice to feel beautiful and bring back a little normalcy to life. and my boyfriend loved how i looked and gave me tons of compliments, but he knew it wasn’t for him. it was for me. him liking it is just a happy bonus in my opinion!!
especially after your comment of her doing a drag king with glitter beard look, uh, she’s definitely doing this for fun and to stay sane!! unless she’s ‘cheating’ with a secret lady lover who is into glitter beards? 😂
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nta. i will be using this exact quotation on the next person that chews me out for the way i do my makeup and the stuff i buy.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: that’s the actual quote. i’m still pissed as hell but maybe i went too far here. my brother and i are both late 30s. we get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation. our wives are best friends. they talk almost everyday on facetime. my wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. she’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for christmas and decided she wanted to get more. apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit. anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly i don’t know what i’m talking about. she looks great all the time. she’s gorgeous without makeup. she’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. i tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. i think it’s cute and funny. my brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. he called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on facetime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. i tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so i ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing. he’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. but i think i might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned. i want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): no, i haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and i’m not going to because i think asking is fucking rude. she’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. i’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. it makes her happy so i assume that’s why she’s doing it. asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
that’s the actual quote. i’m still pissed as hell but maybe i went too far here. my brother and i are both late 30s. we get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation. our wives are best friends. they talk almost everyday on facetime. my wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. she’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for christmas and decided she wanted to get more. apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit. anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly i don’t know what i’m talking about. she looks great all the time. she’s gorgeous without makeup. she’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. i tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. i think it’s cute and funny. my brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. he called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on facetime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. i tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so i ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing. he’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. but i think i might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned. i want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): no, i haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and i’m not going to because i think asking is fucking rude. she’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. i’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. it makes her happy so i assume that’s why she’s doing it. asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion. [/INST] nta when i wear makeup, i do it *for me*. no my husband or any other man. me. many women are the same way. your brother jumping to "she wants to cheat because she is wearing makeup again" is absolute misogynistic garbage and he needed a dressing down. you sound great and seem to really love and appreciate your wife as well as understand what being supportive means. keep it up. </s>
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AITA for getting mad at my sister for not wanting me shirtless at her pool?
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my sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little bbq. i assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. but turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family.
when it was time to get in the pool, i changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. but my sister stopped me before i came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. she was referring to the scars from when i had my top (chest) surgery. i’m a trans guy. had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. my scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. you’d have to look really close to even notice.
i’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so i was surprised. every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool.
when i asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing i’m trans. my feelings were hurt but i was mainly pissed. she said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me.
she told me not to make a big deal and to go with it.
when she left, i went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. i only had the one i came wearing because i didn’t expect her to ask me this.
my mood was soured after that and i didn’t wanna be around her so i decided to leave. when i said bye to everyone they were all confused since i was only there less than an hour. my dad pulled me aside and asked why i was leaving early.
i told him to ask my sister and left. an hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight.
my parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said i didn’t have to cause all this drama if i only did what she asked.
what she said hurt me and i was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but i didn’t mean for all that to happen. am i the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day?
| 30,924 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hppclc/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_sister_for_not_wanting/
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2020-07-12 05:47:52
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nta, no way. showing your scars and explaining why you have them on the spot would have been much easier for everyone. your sister ruined her own bbq. i bet her in-laws have many questions in their minds now too.
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[removed]
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nta
you were right to call out that transphobic behaviour. 'didn't want her in laws to look at her differently' makes it sound like she was saying she was ashamed to have a trans brother.
i'm glad your parents stood up for you though! that was awesome of them.
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you resected her wishes, you kept your shirt on and left. your parents were offended by her behaviour, they left. the only person your sister has to blame is herself. kudos to you and your parents.
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nta. i have several ftm friends and former students. getting to go shirtless at a pool or the beach is like a rite of passage. it means you feel comfortable that you are “passing.” i guess you could call it a “rite of passing” then. i can imagine how deeply it hurt you, both that your sister wasn’t supportive (and, frankly, overjoyed) that you feel good about going shirtless, and that she is obviously ashamed of who you are. you were right to leave, and i almost cheered out loud when i read that your parents left too, in solidarity with you.
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nta.
you didn't cause the drama she did.
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nta
as a fellow trans afab person, i would be heartbroken if my sister said this to me. i’m yet to have top surgery but when i initially came out my older sister was awful about it. she said she woulda never call me her brother, never use my new name and never use different pronouns. it broke my heart. it’s so good though that your parents stuck up for you, and it’s her own fault that she had an argument with your dad. she’s the ah and clearly has some internalised transphobia.
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nta. your sister should have been more supportive of you. at least your parents stood up for you.
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nta! your sister ruined her party all by herself. she worried about her in-laws thinking badly of *her* b/c you're you. that's a dick move right there.
i'm so sorry she chose appearances over honesty. i would have left, too. i'm glad your parents are supporting you. sis needs to go take a look in a mirror to see who's responsible here.
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nta at all. she can f right off with her transphobic comments.
ps: could someone tell me if i have this right? trans male = someone who transitioned from female to male and trans female = someone who transitioned from male to female?
i have no trans people in my life or anything to ask and i want to make sure i understand everything correctly
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little bbq. i assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. but turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family. when it was time to get in the pool, i changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. but my sister stopped me before i came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. she was referring to the scars from when i had my top (chest) surgery. i’m a trans guy. had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. my scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. you’d have to look really close to even notice. i’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so i was surprised. every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool. when i asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing i’m trans. my feelings were hurt but i was mainly pissed. she said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me. she told me not to make a big deal and to go with it. when she left, i went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. i only had the one i came wearing because i didn’t expect her to ask me this. my mood was soured after that and i didn’t wanna be around her so i decided to leave. when i said bye to everyone they were all confused since i was only there less than an hour. my dad pulled me aside and asked why i was leaving early. i told him to ask my sister and left. an hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight. my parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said i didn’t have to cause all this drama if i only did what she asked. what she said hurt me and i was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but i didn’t mean for all that to happen. am i the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little bbq. i assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. but turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family. when it was time to get in the pool, i changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. but my sister stopped me before i came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. she was referring to the scars from when i had my top (chest) surgery. i’m a trans guy. had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. my scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. you’d have to look really close to even notice. i’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so i was surprised. every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool. when i asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing i’m trans. my feelings were hurt but i was mainly pissed. she said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me. she told me not to make a big deal and to go with it. when she left, i went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. i only had the one i came wearing because i didn’t expect her to ask me this. my mood was soured after that and i didn’t wanna be around her so i decided to leave. when i said bye to everyone they were all confused since i was only there less than an hour. my dad pulled me aside and asked why i was leaving early. i told him to ask my sister and left. an hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight. my parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said i didn’t have to cause all this drama if i only did what she asked. what she said hurt me and i was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but i didn’t mean for all that to happen. am i the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day? [/INST] nta, no way. showing your scars and explaining why you have them on the spot would have been much easier for everyone. your sister ruined her own bbq. i bet her in-laws have many questions in their minds now too. </s>
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AITA for not wanting coal for Christmas?
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this year i went to my fiancé’s house for christmas. it was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead.
i got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “dan” related to his hobbies, i got nice gifts for “dan’s” parents based off of things i’d talked about with them before, and i got a small pack of chocolates for each of dan’s other relatives (i didn’t know them that well).
i wasn’t expecting many gifts from dan’s relative’s because i didn’t know many of them that well, but i was certainly expecting more than i got.
at first, i was excited when i saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. however, once i opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. everyone laughed, and i just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. but every single one turned out to be coal. all 18 of them.
i started to get upset, so i cried and lashed out at dan. but he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating christmas with them for the first time. he explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well.
i told dan i couldn’t believe i skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. but now dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying i embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that i made it awkward for everyone. so aita?
| 30,833 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zzc58y/aita_for_not_wanting_coal_for_christmas/
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2022-12-30 21:31:43
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nta.
you skipped your family‘s christmas for this, and they shouldn’t have done this to you without a warning or your consent.
just because they enjoy this tradition doesn’t mean it can‘t be hurtful to you, and they clearly ruined the occassion and then gave you a stupid explanation.
especially your fiancé is inconsiderate in all of this, you deserve better! this was legit humiliation.
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nta
"it's a long standing tradition to haze and humiliate new potential family members". is this a family or a frat?
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nta on the sheer idea that you skipped time with your family to be humiliated 18 times in a row. families that do this sort of shit are toxic. this is literal hazing but “ok because it’s family”.
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nta. one box with coal in it would have been a fun gag. not eighteen and nothing else whatsoever, though. then it's just cruel.
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nta - i’m so tired of seeing posts like this, where people willingly choose not to inform their partners, who they *love*, about family traditions like this. it breaks my heart.
they don’t get to be mean to you and then judge you for your reaction. you left your family, where you’d surely be treated with love and respect, to be with his family where they gave you the complete opposite.
i’m not one to tell people to breakup, but this is a giant marinara flag. idk how i could stay with someone who was willing to watch me cry and then excuse hurtful behavior in the name of family tradition. double since you’re engaged. this warrants a giant pause.
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nta. and, you seem to have had the grace not to try out your new set of charcoal by drawing dan's parents a beautiful mural on their living room wall. that must have taken remarkable restraint.
laughing at another person's expense isn't funny, and i don't believe any newcomer found this experience fun, although some may have been too shy to say anything. sometimes being embarrassed and feeling awkward are good things--it's nature's way of telling you that you did something wrong. tell dan that he and his family should embrace and learn from those feelings.
you took the time to buy thoughtful gifts for his family. we've all had to buy gifts for relative strangers from time to time. dan's family has shown themselves to be oafs. whether they are redeemable oafs remains to be seen.
info: did dan give you a gift (i realize this is immaterial, but i did wonder).
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#what the frick is wrong with all these families and their wildly inappropriate traditions for new family members?
yikes op
nta
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nta. he should have told you before.
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nta. their tradition is a hateful one, like a stupid test to see whether you're worthy of joining their family. you didn't embarrass them, they embarrassed themselves with their childish 'lump of coal har har har' garbage & they're just pissed off at you for not tolerating their rudeness. extra asshole points to your fiancé for not having the common courtesy to explain their stupid tradition before you went there, choosing instead to let you be upset & embarrassed over & over & over until you were literally in tears. good luck in your life together with *that* piece of work.
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nta
why didn’t your fiancé warn you? does he get a weird sense of pleasure of pulling tasteless pranks on you in your relationship? your fiancé’s family has a twisted sense of humor. what on earth makes them think embarrassing a prospective family member/stranger is endearing? 18 freaking pieces of coal? that had better come with a fancy green egg grill and an omaha steaks subscription.
you didn’t embarrass your fiancé, he and his family embarrassed him. you have every right to be considered and respected, they did none of that. you were right to be offended. i hope you got to salvage your holiday and visited your family.
take all of this into sobering consideration, as their antics (what they call “traditions”) will be seen again in the future with other fiancés, and possibly children. it’s bad enough that you were on the receiving end of this asshattery, but do you really want to be a part of doling out this bs this by marriage?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this year i went to my fiancé’s house for christmas. it was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead. i got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “dan” related to his hobbies, i got nice gifts for “dan’s” parents based off of things i’d talked about with them before, and i got a small pack of chocolates for each of dan’s other relatives (i didn’t know them that well). i wasn’t expecting many gifts from dan’s relative’s because i didn’t know many of them that well, but i was certainly expecting more than i got. at first, i was excited when i saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. however, once i opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. everyone laughed, and i just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. but every single one turned out to be coal. all 18 of them. i started to get upset, so i cried and lashed out at dan. but he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating christmas with them for the first time. he explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well. i told dan i couldn’t believe i skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. but now dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying i embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that i made it awkward for everyone. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this year i went to my fiancé’s house for christmas. it was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead. i got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “dan” related to his hobbies, i got nice gifts for “dan’s” parents based off of things i’d talked about with them before, and i got a small pack of chocolates for each of dan’s other relatives (i didn’t know them that well). i wasn’t expecting many gifts from dan’s relative’s because i didn’t know many of them that well, but i was certainly expecting more than i got. at first, i was excited when i saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. however, once i opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. everyone laughed, and i just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. but every single one turned out to be coal. all 18 of them. i started to get upset, so i cried and lashed out at dan. but he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating christmas with them for the first time. he explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well. i told dan i couldn’t believe i skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. but now dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying i embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that i made it awkward for everyone. so aita? [/INST] nta. you skipped your family‘s christmas for this, and they shouldn’t have done this to you without a warning or your consent. just because they enjoy this tradition doesn’t mean it can‘t be hurtful to you, and they clearly ruined the occassion and then gave you a stupid explanation. especially your fiancé is inconsiderate in all of this, you deserve better! this was legit humiliation. </s>
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AITA for leaving a fake postive pregnancy test in the bedroom to catch my husband's mom snooping?
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my mil moved in with us a month ago. i began to notice my stuff in the bedroom being touched. furniture rearranged, stuff moved et cetera...
i felt like i was going crazy because my husband is the only one who has access to the bedroom and he doesn't usually touch nor come near my things. i figured it must be his mom walking in and snooping on my personal things. i told my husband and he said his mom would never...i had a huge hunch but couldn't instal a cam in the bedroom to catch her in act.
so, i got me one of those fake postive pregnancy tests and threw it in the bedroom's trashcan. note the trashcan was placed in the corner near the closet.
literally the next day after i got to work, i got tons of calls and texts from my inlaws "congratulating" me for my "pregnancy". my husband came over to my workplace and was all worked up about it asking since when i was pregnant, and why i didn't tell him. i asked how he found out and he said his mom found the positive test in the trashcan in the bedroom. i asked if his answer just confirmed that she's been snooping in the bedroom all along. he had a "realization" moment but demanded we stick to the bigger issue, i said there was no bigger issue because the positive test was fake and this whole thing was done to expose my mil's snooping. he was not convinced. he had me take an actual test right infront of him and he was livid asking how could i lie about such thing and break his mom's heart since i know...very well that she longs for kids. i got a lot of shit because of this from him, his mom and family now calling me a liar and manipulator.
aita?
important info: nothing gets takes or goes missing from the bedroom. just to be clear.
| 30,791 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcgmon/aita_for_leaving_a_fake_postive_pregnancy_test_in/
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2022-12-04 18:02:24
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nta, but ordering a lock for the door and kicking mil out seems easier. if you were preg, how dare she announce it. so many red flags, one of you needs to go and it shouldn’t have to be you.
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nta
you told no lies.
even if you were pregnant she had know right to announce it to the world .
sounds like one of you girls should move out. i wonder which one your husband would prefer.
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nta. you didn't lie. you set a trap. you caught a rat.
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nta but it sounds like you have a husband problem as well since he was focused more on you “breaking his mom’s heart” instead of her 1) snooping in your *marital bedroom,* and 2) her blabbing her mouth to *everyone* instead of immediately going to you and your husband
of course snooping is terrible and deeply disrespectful, but it’s made even worse by how she went behind your back to spread the news without any confirmation or followup. and she’s like this about a pregnancy—i imagine she just has 0 respect for anyone’s privacy or boundaries at all. yikes. i would not want to raise a family around someone like that.
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if my husband ever demanded i take a pregnancy test in front of him, i would tell him only if he puts his head in the toilet while i do it.
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nta throw out that whole family. he forced you to take a pregnancy test in front of him??? psycho vibes
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lol, his mom is snooping through your things and he’s worried about how much you hurt his mommy’s feelings?
i would kick mil out, like, today. your husband also needs therapy to help him to work on not being so co-dependent on his mother as well.
nta.
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[removed]
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nta
you didn't lie and broke no hearts. if husband doesn't understand it, send this one away, together with his snooping mom.
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nta!
1. your mil is such an ah for snooping around.
2. your mama's boy husband dismissed your concerns. you could've asked her if she was going into your room, but he probably would've gotten mad at that, too. which led you to believe you had to take drastic measures in order to have proof, 'cause otherwise no one would back you up.
3. she had absolutely no right to announce your pregnancy. imagine it had been true, she didn't care about hurting your feelings by stealing the opportunity to announce something so personal. she didn't even ask you privately first to make sure your husband already knew (but of course privacy is not something she cares about, as we can see).
4. she's the one violating someone's privacy... and her feelings are hurt? she's trying to take everyone's attention away from the fact that she found out the wrong way, op. don't let her!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mil moved in with us a month ago. i began to notice my stuff in the bedroom being touched. furniture rearranged, stuff moved et cetera... i felt like i was going crazy because my husband is the only one who has access to the bedroom and he doesn't usually touch nor come near my things. i figured it must be his mom walking in and snooping on my personal things. i told my husband and he said his mom would never...i had a huge hunch but couldn't instal a cam in the bedroom to catch her in act. so, i got me one of those fake postive pregnancy tests and threw it in the bedroom's trashcan. note the trashcan was placed in the corner near the closet. literally the next day after i got to work, i got tons of calls and texts from my inlaws "congratulating" me for my "pregnancy". my husband came over to my workplace and was all worked up about it asking since when i was pregnant, and why i didn't tell him. i asked how he found out and he said his mom found the positive test in the trashcan in the bedroom. i asked if his answer just confirmed that she's been snooping in the bedroom all along. he had a "realization" moment but demanded we stick to the bigger issue, i said there was no bigger issue because the positive test was fake and this whole thing was done to expose my mil's snooping. he was not convinced. he had me take an actual test right infront of him and he was livid asking how could i lie about such thing and break his mom's heart since i know...very well that she longs for kids. i got a lot of shit because of this from him, his mom and family now calling me a liar and manipulator. aita? important info: nothing gets takes or goes missing from the bedroom. just to be clear.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mil moved in with us a month ago. i began to notice my stuff in the bedroom being touched. furniture rearranged, stuff moved et cetera... i felt like i was going crazy because my husband is the only one who has access to the bedroom and he doesn't usually touch nor come near my things. i figured it must be his mom walking in and snooping on my personal things. i told my husband and he said his mom would never...i had a huge hunch but couldn't instal a cam in the bedroom to catch her in act. so, i got me one of those fake postive pregnancy tests and threw it in the bedroom's trashcan. note the trashcan was placed in the corner near the closet. literally the next day after i got to work, i got tons of calls and texts from my inlaws "congratulating" me for my "pregnancy". my husband came over to my workplace and was all worked up about it asking since when i was pregnant, and why i didn't tell him. i asked how he found out and he said his mom found the positive test in the trashcan in the bedroom. i asked if his answer just confirmed that she's been snooping in the bedroom all along. he had a "realization" moment but demanded we stick to the bigger issue, i said there was no bigger issue because the positive test was fake and this whole thing was done to expose my mil's snooping. he was not convinced. he had me take an actual test right infront of him and he was livid asking how could i lie about such thing and break his mom's heart since i know...very well that she longs for kids. i got a lot of shit because of this from him, his mom and family now calling me a liar and manipulator. aita? important info: nothing gets takes or goes missing from the bedroom. just to be clear. [/INST] nta, but ordering a lock for the door and kicking mil out seems easier. if you were preg, how dare she announce it. so many red flags, one of you needs to go and it shouldn’t have to be you. </s>
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AITA for having a wedding and not disclosing we were already legally married?
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about two months ago, my husband and i got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. it was so much fun. we went on a honeymoon after. the price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. as a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or i could afford! my husband and i paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!).
the wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. about a year and a half ago, i was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). i had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. my husband and i decided to get married so i could join his health insurance. it was a quick justice of the peace ceremony. we were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. a few months after that, he “proposed” (something i didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids.
very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. we weren’t trying to be deceptive. however, part of it was that i wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. my husband respected this. my parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. his mom (i’ll call her carol) and i aren’t close. she’s fine enough in low doses, but...
we’re currently in the process of moving. this past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. as we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. and then she noticed the date.
carol lost it. she insisted we lied to everyone. she said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. she said we were sneaky and deceptive. she is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her.
for me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so i could get insurance. a means to an end. our wedding date is what we will celebrate. are we assholes for not being more upfront? i’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. my husband insists we are not assholes.
| 30,757 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d9m02m/aita_for_having_a_wedding_and_not_disclosing_we/
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2019-09-26 16:27:42
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nta. there is a reason why you only take carol in small doses
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nta also keep in mind that gifts are just that. once somebody gifts you something, sole ownership of that thing goes to you.
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nta.
also, your husband deserves an extra shout out for backing your decision.
there's far, far too many feckless spouses out there who will side with "mommy and daddy" over their partner.
and those partners deserve better.
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i suspect she's just hurt she didn't know you'd already been married a year and a half. her son didn't tell her and i can see why she'd be upset.
lots of people have ceremonies after they're already married, it's not uncommon. older people sometimes don't get legally married force variety of reasons (like benefits from a deceased spouse) and just have a commitment ceremony.
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how is it a gift grab if you didn't have one a year and a half ago? like, if you'd done a real wedding back then, there would have been a reception anyway so...
nta. but if you haven't found away to explain things to her, figure out a way to tell her while leaving the unwanted specifics out and have your husband explain the situation. you won't wanna be on your mil's bad side from the proverbial gate.
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nta
being legally married unlocks certain powers that can make life better. y'all did that and that was wise.
the ceremony / reception is to celebrate the couple, and also a good way to see friends and relatives that aren't close by.
the fact that y'all were legally married doesn't diminish the celebration.
carol is being an asshole because she feels entitled to know every detail about you and her son, and her not knowing a socially irrelevant (but legally very relevant) detail wounds her little heart. this is a perfect application for the non-apology "i'm sorry you feel that way, but we made the right decision "
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nta.
i understand carol feeling hurt at her son not telling her he was married, but your health and legal relationship status are your business. nor should you be denied a big family affair just because your circumstances forced you to get a marriage license. she was way out of line.
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nta. your husband probably should've told his mum, but carol sounds ridiculous. give her gift back & be done with it.
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nta. op, my boyfriend (i guess legally husband) and i did the exact same thing. i had some health issues and his insurance was excellent. so we got legally married and didn't really tell anyone. my parents are extremely judgmental and would not be okay with this so i just don't tell them. i keep them on an information diet anyway. to us, it's not a marriage, just another legal document. when we have the actual proposal, ring, ceremony, etc., that to us is the real wedding, a public declaration of our love and commitment. we don't even call each other husband and wife because we don't see it like that. don't let people on this thread tell you otherwise. you did what you did and it benefited you in the end, that's all that matters. btw, the healthcare i received saved my life without breaking my bank. sometimes a rarity in the us!
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nah but people do get touchy about this and she's his mom, i can totally understand why she got upset not knowing you've actually been married almost 2 years ago.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: about two months ago, my husband and i got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. it was so much fun. we went on a honeymoon after. the price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. as a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or i could afford! my husband and i paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!). the wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. about a year and a half ago, i was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). i had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. my husband and i decided to get married so i could join his health insurance. it was a quick justice of the peace ceremony. we were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. a few months after that, he “proposed” (something i didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids. very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. we weren’t trying to be deceptive. however, part of it was that i wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. my husband respected this. my parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. his mom (i’ll call her carol) and i aren’t close. she’s fine enough in low doses, but... we’re currently in the process of moving. this past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. as we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. and then she noticed the date. carol lost it. she insisted we lied to everyone. she said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. she said we were sneaky and deceptive. she is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her. for me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so i could get insurance. a means to an end. our wedding date is what we will celebrate. are we assholes for not being more upfront? i’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. my husband insists we are not assholes.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
about two months ago, my husband and i got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. it was so much fun. we went on a honeymoon after. the price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. as a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or i could afford! my husband and i paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!). the wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. about a year and a half ago, i was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). i had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. my husband and i decided to get married so i could join his health insurance. it was a quick justice of the peace ceremony. we were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. a few months after that, he “proposed” (something i didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids. very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. we weren’t trying to be deceptive. however, part of it was that i wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. my husband respected this. my parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. his mom (i’ll call her carol) and i aren’t close. she’s fine enough in low doses, but... we’re currently in the process of moving. this past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. as we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. and then she noticed the date. carol lost it. she insisted we lied to everyone. she said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. she said we were sneaky and deceptive. she is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her. for me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so i could get insurance. a means to an end. our wedding date is what we will celebrate. are we assholes for not being more upfront? i’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. my husband insists we are not assholes. [/INST] nta. there is a reason why you only take carol in small doses </s>
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AITA for not treating my wife like an equal parent by telling her she has no say in the way I bond with my son and also calling her homophobic?
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when i (37m) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that i had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. i wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to.
for the first seven years of my boys’ lives, i didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (they knew i was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons)
when i was ready to move out, i wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so i had to take them (i didn’t want it at first but i’m glad it happened) we started bonding as father-sons, i started loving them and their love for me increased i remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while i wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and i often kissed their forehead. we’ve been doing this since they were seven.
i met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4f), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything.
my kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. my boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while i wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and i’m watching tv.
my son, liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. i don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, i love them no matter what, i just want them to be happy and i don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable.
my son visited me again last wednesday (since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) i was watching “red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while i wrap my arm around him, then i kissed his forehead and said, “good to have you back buddy”.
we went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with liam. i told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, i also called her homophobic. she accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus i said "that's ok because you are not"
my brother says i should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves.
am i in the wrong?
| 30,679 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vw15fn/aita_for_not_treating_my_wife_like_an_equal/
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2022-07-10 21:07:21
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nta. she is being homophobic
the world needs more dads like you
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nta- your wife is sexualizing a gesture that is from parental love. i would be offended and tell her that she is being disgusting.
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man, i love the first three paragraphs of this post. your parents really did right by you, and in turn, you ultimately did right by your boys.
current wife's a problem though. first, she's *not* an equal parent when it comes to your boys. they're yours, not hers, and were already teenagers by the time she showed up. she doesn't really get a say in how you bond with them, at all.
second, she is indeed a homophobe. there's nothing wrong with a father kissing and hugging his son, of course, but that she needs to make it about one of your boys' orientation is just revolting.
nta, a million times over.
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nta. your wife is though, and definitely has some issues if this upsets her. does she react the same when you cuddle or kiss your daughter?
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holy cow you married the wrong woman.
nta. people like your wife....sigh...smh. it's like she thinks your son being gay is going to turn you into an incestuous gay man? wtf?
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nta.
your wife has some deep, deep issues if she sees anything sexual in a very healthy and honestly beautiful father-son relationship. especially since she doesn't mind the same kind of relationship with a straight son.
i had to delete several lines i was about to write about your wife's thought process, because it's just so disgusting. please, sit her down and have a very serious talk about this.
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nta!!!!
your wife is sexualizing this due to her own issues, she shouldn't interfere with how you bond with your sons.
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nta. she thinks it’s inappropriate for a father to kiss his *son* if the son is gay?? by that standard, no parents should kiss their opposite sex children of the children are straight. this is so unbelievably dumb.
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nta. your wife is sick. she thinks your gay son might have the gays for you and gay you up. sick, sick, sick, sick sick.
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nta. at all. you have a lovely relationship with your sons and its your wife who is wrong.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i (37m) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that i had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. i wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to. for the first seven years of my boys’ lives, i didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (they knew i was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons) when i was ready to move out, i wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so i had to take them (i didn’t want it at first but i’m glad it happened) we started bonding as father-sons, i started loving them and their love for me increased i remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while i wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and i often kissed their forehead. we’ve been doing this since they were seven. i met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4f), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything. my kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. my boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while i wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and i’m watching tv. my son, liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. i don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, i love them no matter what, i just want them to be happy and i don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable. my son visited me again last wednesday (since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) i was watching “red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while i wrap my arm around him, then i kissed his forehead and said, “good to have you back buddy”. we went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with liam. i told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, i also called her homophobic. she accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus i said "that's ok because you are not" my brother says i should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves. am i in the wrong?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when i (37m) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that i had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. i wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to. for the first seven years of my boys’ lives, i didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (they knew i was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons) when i was ready to move out, i wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so i had to take them (i didn’t want it at first but i’m glad it happened) we started bonding as father-sons, i started loving them and their love for me increased i remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while i wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and i often kissed their forehead. we’ve been doing this since they were seven. i met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4f), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything. my kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. my boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while i wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and i’m watching tv. my son, liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. i don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, i love them no matter what, i just want them to be happy and i don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable. my son visited me again last wednesday (since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) i was watching “red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while i wrap my arm around him, then i kissed his forehead and said, “good to have you back buddy”. we went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with liam. i told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, i also called her homophobic. she accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus i said "that's ok because you are not" my brother says i should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves. am i in the wrong? [/INST] nta. she is being homophobic the world needs more dads like you </s>
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AITA for 100% refusing to let my dad/mom see my child for something done 10-15 years ago? /Petty
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ok so this is kinda complex, i'll make it short. this acc is just for privacy reasons
-i always had good grades in high-school, was home on time, cleaned the house etc. i never had problems with my parents before this.
-i went to med school, still living with parents when i was 20, i dated someone who was 23
-dad was against this because be does not believe in dating people far older than you (so like don't date far from your own age) and says i cannot date j.
-argument breaks out, dad says it's his house so either i agree or i move out. i say it's not fair as j has a job, goes to college, has future plans etc. dad kicks me out. mom agrees with his decision. little bro was only 14 at the time.
-i moved with j, his family was supportive, helped me with my college (i went to another college due to financial reasons), finished my required years but still kept in touch with my lil bro
-years later, me and j (with the help of his parents) got a small house. (like really small but i'm happy with it). i ended up giving birth to a sweet baby girl. i let my lil bro know that he could come see her when he was able to. he came a few times.
-today, bro came to see the baby, and asked when i was going to let mom and dad see her since they wanted to reconnect. i said never and that i wasn't going to forgive them. bro says i'm being unreasonable as they were just strict and trying to protect me, i say that's bullshit because dad shouldn't have kicked me out over age. bro says i should at least let mom come because she didn't want to agree with it. i say mom was able to do something but didn't,but that bro's situation was different because he was only 15. bro is upset because he says mom and dad regret their decision and just want to reconnect and that i am dragging this entire situation. i told him that if he thinks i'm 'dragging it out' then he can stay out of my life too. he's angry and says that i need to move on and that i shouldn't be withholding them from seeing their grandchild. i say that they disowned me and so have no grandchild from a daughter that doesn't exist.
aita? i don't hate my bro and i (kinda) get what he is saying, but i just have a resentment for my parents. it's not like i had a baby just to put it against them, but my lil bro thinks i'm going go die on a hill with them for something done several years ago and it's petty. i'm curious on what reddit thinks. i want a relationship with my bro, just not my mom and dad
| 30,632 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/daxa38/aita_for_100_refusing_to_let_my_dadmom_see_my/
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2019-09-29 16:18:47
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nta.
two things;
23 isn't too far away from 20. holy shit. i feel like your parents just used that excuse as a way to control you. it's manipulative and gross to give your grown daughter ultimatums over who she dates.
you have every right to be angry. you have every right to decide who your child sees and who it doesn't. if i were you, i'd tell your brother that this is your kid, and your decisions are to be respected and not discussed any further unless he wants to damage the relationship you guys have maintained.
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nta - if your parents want to reconcile they can reach out themselves, rather than sending a messenger. they owe you a massive apology. you're not the one that's "dying on this hill," they're the ones that haven't made ammends for their actions. they made a huge, life altering mistake, and just because they regret it now doesn't mean they don't have to take responsibility for it.
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nta.
they kicked you out, and they don't even the decency to start up the reconnecting. they used your brother as a pawn because they know you still like him
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nta they kicked you out for dating a guy three years older than you, which imo is absurd. it sounds more like they wanted to control you and when they couldn’t they kicked you to the curb.
since then it doesn’t sound like they have reached out and tried to make amends at all. instead your brother is giving you a guilt trip about it. what have they done that suggests they deserve a second chance?
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nta, but don't alienate your brother over this. he's in a difficult position.
it's up to you whether you want to reconcile with your parents. it doesn't sound like they're actually sorry at this point, your brother just wants everyone to get along, which is understandable.
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let me make sure i have this right:
parents disapprove of your relationship and disown you over it and now want to be grandparents to the child that resulted from the same relationship they disowned you over? that about right?
nta, disownment goes both ways.
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esh. except your bro. and i'm going with you're the a-hole mostly for telling your brother that he can leave your life too. he's just trying to get his family to get along again. he's trying to be a diplomat in a stand off.
you don't need to forgive your parents or anything (over a 3 year age gap????) but you should apologize to your brother.
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nta/info, but i may have a slightly different perspective.
one of the most important things to remember about toxic relationships is that past behavior is the best predictor. the one thing missing from your post is a continuous string of ultra controlling behavior.
you said you never had any issues before this.
what may have happened is they put their foot down when they shouldn't have, you called their bluff, and everything else has been downhill consequences.
everyone in the comments is saying: "fuck them! they are controlling toxic people!"
i don't see that. i see them making a single, heavy handed controlling move, and everything exploded from that.
i don't know how much contact you allowed since that. i don't get a sense if they reached out over the years but it was still too raw for you. that's understandable, but it's different from careless tyrants who emotionally scarred you for 18 years. that's not what your parents sound like.
this sounds like it may actually just be one momentous moment that has fed back on itself for a decade between two parties.
people can disagree with me, but i think if you have prevented communication with them over this time, then you have also prevented the ability to mend the relationship. i used to hold white-hot grudges with people who had wronged me. i enjoyed the validation, and it allowed me to seethe on it and feel justified in continuing to refuse contact. i finally let go of that and realized there were definitely two camps of people.
camp 1 were the people who *continuously* failed me at every turn, and could easily and accurately be predicted to do the shitty thing at every turn.
camp 2 people usually involved one particular event that was a failure on their part. it's the camp 2 people that you should open bridges to, i promise you will always feel better. if you think that your situation with your parents is a camp 2 situation (i don't know what all the missing info is here), then i would take this opportunity to extend a bridge.
if they are camp 1, then yes, i agree with everyone else here, do what you can to maintain and build a healthy relationship with your brother but make it clear that there's no room for your parents.
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nta have they even ever checked on you? have they offered any support of any kind? if they can’t parent appropriately they don’t deserve the gift of being grandparents which is a far easier gig and they will be able to exert control via your daughter.
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info
i feel like you didn't explain this whole situation adequately. there is a big gap between "i lived with my parents until i was 20 and always got along with them fine" and then "i haven't talked to my parents over the multiple years since and had a child without telling them". what the hell happened? most people i knew who got in similarly heated arguments with their parents and they slept somewhere else for the night, they talk the next day and come to some sort of truce. what the hell happened? were both you and your parents stubborn and nobody tried to reach out and it just went on for years? or was maybe your mom trying to reach out and you were ignoring her? there is also the point that, sure your dad wants you to do what he thinks is best for you while he's paying for you, but once he's not paying for you anymore, does he still think he has standing to tell you what to do?
too many suspicious gaps in this story to cast judgment. the way the post was written does't exclude the possibility the the parents had reached out over the years and the op had been ignoring them, which could potentially make her the asshole.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
| 0.032022 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok so this is kinda complex, i'll make it short. this acc is just for privacy reasons -i always had good grades in high-school, was home on time, cleaned the house etc. i never had problems with my parents before this. -i went to med school, still living with parents when i was 20, i dated someone who was 23 -dad was against this because be does not believe in dating people far older than you (so like don't date far from your own age) and says i cannot date j. -argument breaks out, dad says it's his house so either i agree or i move out. i say it's not fair as j has a job, goes to college, has future plans etc. dad kicks me out. mom agrees with his decision. little bro was only 14 at the time. -i moved with j, his family was supportive, helped me with my college (i went to another college due to financial reasons), finished my required years but still kept in touch with my lil bro -years later, me and j (with the help of his parents) got a small house. (like really small but i'm happy with it). i ended up giving birth to a sweet baby girl. i let my lil bro know that he could come see her when he was able to. he came a few times. -today, bro came to see the baby, and asked when i was going to let mom and dad see her since they wanted to reconnect. i said never and that i wasn't going to forgive them. bro says i'm being unreasonable as they were just strict and trying to protect me, i say that's bullshit because dad shouldn't have kicked me out over age. bro says i should at least let mom come because she didn't want to agree with it. i say mom was able to do something but didn't,but that bro's situation was different because he was only 15. bro is upset because he says mom and dad regret their decision and just want to reconnect and that i am dragging this entire situation. i told him that if he thinks i'm 'dragging it out' then he can stay out of my life too. he's angry and says that i need to move on and that i shouldn't be withholding them from seeing their grandchild. i say that they disowned me and so have no grandchild from a daughter that doesn't exist. aita? i don't hate my bro and i (kinda) get what he is saying, but i just have a resentment for my parents. it's not like i had a baby just to put it against them, but my lil bro thinks i'm going go die on a hill with them for something done several years ago and it's petty. i'm curious on what reddit thinks. i want a relationship with my bro, just not my mom and dad
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok so this is kinda complex, i'll make it short. this acc is just for privacy reasons -i always had good grades in high-school, was home on time, cleaned the house etc. i never had problems with my parents before this. -i went to med school, still living with parents when i was 20, i dated someone who was 23 -dad was against this because be does not believe in dating people far older than you (so like don't date far from your own age) and says i cannot date j. -argument breaks out, dad says it's his house so either i agree or i move out. i say it's not fair as j has a job, goes to college, has future plans etc. dad kicks me out. mom agrees with his decision. little bro was only 14 at the time. -i moved with j, his family was supportive, helped me with my college (i went to another college due to financial reasons), finished my required years but still kept in touch with my lil bro -years later, me and j (with the help of his parents) got a small house. (like really small but i'm happy with it). i ended up giving birth to a sweet baby girl. i let my lil bro know that he could come see her when he was able to. he came a few times. -today, bro came to see the baby, and asked when i was going to let mom and dad see her since they wanted to reconnect. i said never and that i wasn't going to forgive them. bro says i'm being unreasonable as they were just strict and trying to protect me, i say that's bullshit because dad shouldn't have kicked me out over age. bro says i should at least let mom come because she didn't want to agree with it. i say mom was able to do something but didn't,but that bro's situation was different because he was only 15. bro is upset because he says mom and dad regret their decision and just want to reconnect and that i am dragging this entire situation. i told him that if he thinks i'm 'dragging it out' then he can stay out of my life too. he's angry and says that i need to move on and that i shouldn't be withholding them from seeing their grandchild. i say that they disowned me and so have no grandchild from a daughter that doesn't exist. aita? i don't hate my bro and i (kinda) get what he is saying, but i just have a resentment for my parents. it's not like i had a baby just to put it against them, but my lil bro thinks i'm going go die on a hill with them for something done several years ago and it's petty. i'm curious on what reddit thinks. i want a relationship with my bro, just not my mom and dad [/INST] nta. two things; 23 isn't too far away from 20. holy shit. i feel like your parents just used that excuse as a way to control you. it's manipulative and gross to give your grown daughter ultimatums over who she dates. you have every right to be angry. you have every right to decide who your child sees and who it doesn't. if i were you, i'd tell your brother that this is your kid, and your decisions are to be respected and not discussed any further unless he wants to damage the relationship you guys have maintained. </s>
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AITA for refusing to use the money I inherited from my mother to pay for medical treatment for my half-sister, who has a life threatening sickness? She is the child of my father and the woman he cheated on my mother with.
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when i was 25, we found out that my father had been cheating on my mother for years and he had a 7 year old daughter with his mistress. in one split second, the happy family i knew was gone, and i went through the darkest time in my life.
my parents divorced and per their prenup, my mother walked away with most of their assets (since she also contributed more to the family income). she never forgave my dad for what he did and never talked to him again, though she grudgingly allowed me to have whatever relationship i wanted to have with him. i eventually forgave my dad mostly because i was tired of carrying so much anger and hurt in my heart. i talk to him but i want nothing to do with his mistress or my half sister.
my mother died last year and left me everything - her money, her real estate assets, and her business, which i now own and operate. i am in a relatively comfortable financial position, while my dad is... getting by. he was never a good businessman on his own and lost a lot of his money on businesses that later went belly up.
this year my half sister was diagnosed with a life threatening sickness, and she has been in the hospital for the last four months. the bills are mounting and my dad came to me for help because they are now in a situation where they are finding it difficult to come up with money for my half sister's treatment.
the thing is, i don't want to use my mother's money to pay for the treatment of the child her husband had with his other woman. though it's not my half sister's fault, it feels so unfair when i think that the money my mother worked hard all her life for will go to a child that neither my mother and i have any responsibility towards, and the very same child of the man and the woman who hurt her so much at that. i'd really rather use it to grow her company and let my dad and my half sister's mother figure out how to get money for her treatment. they are her parents after all. the only thing tying me to her is my father saying "she is your sister" and "if she dies because she didn't get the treatment she needs, would you be able to sleep at night?"
aita?
| 30,582 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cz5vk2/aita_for_refusing_to_use_the_money_i_inherited/
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2019-09-03 14:49:58
|
nta
>"if she dies because she didn't get the treatment she needs, would you be able to sleep at night?"
it's wrong of your dad to lay this guilt on you. his daughter is his burden.
while it's not fair for a little girl to suffer, i don't blame you for not caring about her wellbeing.
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nah - blood relations don’t make somebody family.
it’s unlucky that your half sister has been put in this position but you’re in no way obliged to help her in any way. don’t feel guilty about being able to do something and refusing to, you look out for yourself and people you feel close to.
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nah. i don’t think he’s wrong for asking, but you *certainly* are not wrong for saying no. i would feel just as conflicted about it.
tbh i think the asshole here is the medical system that puts people in severe debt, just because they’re trying to stay alive.
edit; i can definitely hear the argument for dad being ta for, what appears to be, guilt tripping op. i didn’t judge him as ta because i honestly cannot imagine what it’s like to have a dangerously ill child, knowing the other child has the money available to help and chooses not to. i think it’s too complex for me, personally, to definitively call him ta.
i hate the medical system for putting these two in this situation in the first place.
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nta and i'm so sorry you're in this position. it's shameful your father is putting this burden on your shoulders; i imagine he's scared for your half sister's life and desperate to find a life-saving solution. still very inappropriate and unfair to you, though. what a heavy situation. have you talked to a therapist?
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nta
your dad cheated on your mother and now wants to guilt trip you into caring for a child that he helped create? your dad, the guy who ruined his marriage and pretty much any good relationship with you?
it's sad for the little girl, but you have no obligation to her, and unfortunately that's the reality. she's not someone you know, i assume, or ever had any relationship with.
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good lord, does nobody really see the problem with using an innocent girl’s life as a way to get back at your father’s mistress? instead of bending over backwards to get out of helping, just do the right thing man. i’m sure they’re not asking for all of your money, but just something to help out. you didn’t like how your father and his mistress ruined your family? break the cycle and be the better man.
you’re the ass hole and everyone in this thread saying you’re not is also an ass hole. why do people suck so much?
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nta as long as it doesnt interfere with your sister getting medical treatment let them figure out the bills. millions of parents have to pay their own children's medical bills with no help
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i will go against the grain here and say yta.
as a human being with feelings, don't you have the instinct to help another human being? sure, the backstory makes this situation a bit difficult but the child is not at fault for your father's bad decisions. what would you do if it was just a random person in need? wouldn't you want to help just a little bit? you said you live a comfortable life, yet this child has to think about dying because her parents don't have enough money.
i think any person, including your mother, would rather help a dying child than a growing company.
but maybe this is just a cultural thing as i think it would be my first instinct to help a person and then think about everything else.
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nta. the money was left to *you* by your mother. i doubt she'd want it to be used on the child of the two people that upturned her life.
also, if it's a life-threatening illness, she could still die even if you did foot the presumably very large bills. it's understandable(ish) that your dad would ask but to manipulate you into feeling like whatever happens now to be your fault is so messed up.
it's sad, but people get sick, and the fact that it costs so much to not die is a problem, but it's not yours.
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it's not an easy one but i'm going to say yta for literally choosing growing a company over your sister's life.
pretty much everything repulsive about american society is right there.
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NTA
|
NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.246103 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i was 25, we found out that my father had been cheating on my mother for years and he had a 7 year old daughter with his mistress. in one split second, the happy family i knew was gone, and i went through the darkest time in my life. my parents divorced and per their prenup, my mother walked away with most of their assets (since she also contributed more to the family income). she never forgave my dad for what he did and never talked to him again, though she grudgingly allowed me to have whatever relationship i wanted to have with him. i eventually forgave my dad mostly because i was tired of carrying so much anger and hurt in my heart. i talk to him but i want nothing to do with his mistress or my half sister. my mother died last year and left me everything - her money, her real estate assets, and her business, which i now own and operate. i am in a relatively comfortable financial position, while my dad is... getting by. he was never a good businessman on his own and lost a lot of his money on businesses that later went belly up. this year my half sister was diagnosed with a life threatening sickness, and she has been in the hospital for the last four months. the bills are mounting and my dad came to me for help because they are now in a situation where they are finding it difficult to come up with money for my half sister's treatment. the thing is, i don't want to use my mother's money to pay for the treatment of the child her husband had with his other woman. though it's not my half sister's fault, it feels so unfair when i think that the money my mother worked hard all her life for will go to a child that neither my mother and i have any responsibility towards, and the very same child of the man and the woman who hurt her so much at that. i'd really rather use it to grow her company and let my dad and my half sister's mother figure out how to get money for her treatment. they are her parents after all. the only thing tying me to her is my father saying "she is your sister" and "if she dies because she didn't get the treatment she needs, would you be able to sleep at night?" aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when i was 25, we found out that my father had been cheating on my mother for years and he had a 7 year old daughter with his mistress. in one split second, the happy family i knew was gone, and i went through the darkest time in my life. my parents divorced and per their prenup, my mother walked away with most of their assets (since she also contributed more to the family income). she never forgave my dad for what he did and never talked to him again, though she grudgingly allowed me to have whatever relationship i wanted to have with him. i eventually forgave my dad mostly because i was tired of carrying so much anger and hurt in my heart. i talk to him but i want nothing to do with his mistress or my half sister. my mother died last year and left me everything - her money, her real estate assets, and her business, which i now own and operate. i am in a relatively comfortable financial position, while my dad is... getting by. he was never a good businessman on his own and lost a lot of his money on businesses that later went belly up. this year my half sister was diagnosed with a life threatening sickness, and she has been in the hospital for the last four months. the bills are mounting and my dad came to me for help because they are now in a situation where they are finding it difficult to come up with money for my half sister's treatment. the thing is, i don't want to use my mother's money to pay for the treatment of the child her husband had with his other woman. though it's not my half sister's fault, it feels so unfair when i think that the money my mother worked hard all her life for will go to a child that neither my mother and i have any responsibility towards, and the very same child of the man and the woman who hurt her so much at that. i'd really rather use it to grow her company and let my dad and my half sister's mother figure out how to get money for her treatment. they are her parents after all. the only thing tying me to her is my father saying "she is your sister" and "if she dies because she didn't get the treatment she needs, would you be able to sleep at night?" aita? [/INST] nta >"if she dies because she didn't get the treatment she needs, would you be able to sleep at night?" it's wrong of your dad to lay this guilt on you. his daughter is his burden. while it's not fair for a little girl to suffer, i don't blame you for not caring about her wellbeing. </s>
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AITA for medically tattooing my child under the recommendation of a doctor.
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hear me out. i (31f) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. testing eventually revealed i have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help i'll never get pregnant. so that's what we did. gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later i have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. jack and adam (fake).
thing is jake has a condition. without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. once he is older he can take pills. i went back to work and mil offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, i trust her 100%. they were 9months.. now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. now they may be fraternal but they look identical. i'll be honest my husband and i even mix them up sometimes. everyone does. she immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. by the time i got there adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. we went home the same night told to push fluids. he was never in danger. its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. mil was beside herself. i tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went.
this daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would not keep name tags on) doctor recommended a medical tattoo. explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. so after discussion with my husband we did it.
he has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. from entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. never felt a thing.
mil lost her shit the second i mentioned a medical tattoo. i tried to explain but she just freaked out so i put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up jack and find the tattoo. she picked up adam so i handed her jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. stripped him to his skivvies. i finally pointed it out and she went "that's just a freckle" i just said... "my point exactly. adam doesn't have a freckle there.. so that's how daycare can tell them apart"
she's still pissed and ranting. once i explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think i went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. i believe i took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. by the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. so.. aita?
| 30,491 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k70qfu/aita_for_medically_tattooing_my_child_under_the/
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2020-12-05 04:07:53
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nta at all, it’s literally a fake freckle. it’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. also, it’s to make it harder to accidentally kill him or his brother. you made the right call.
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nta. you took the recommendation from a medical professional and made the decision with your spouse for the safety of your child. absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially for something so small.
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nta
the tattoo is for the safety of both children.
it’s a medical tattoo, just like they do for radiation treatments.
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of course nta. why are you even asking?
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nta. when he’s older, adam is going to love telling people he got his first tattoo when he was one y/o.
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[deleted]
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i think she heard “tattoo” and got upset. then she felt like she was too committed to being upset to admit she was wrong once she realized she was overreacting. nta
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yta, you should have gone with a full face tattoo no wonder everyone was upset.
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[deleted]
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nta- you did something your doctor recommended.
and if anyone calls yta, they better hope they don't have a child thats been circumcised or has their ear pierced both of which are much more medically invasive and not necessary
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hear me out. i (31f) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. testing eventually revealed i have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help i'll never get pregnant. so that's what we did. gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later i have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. jack and adam (fake). thing is jake has a condition. without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. once he is older he can take pills. i went back to work and mil offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, i trust her 100%. they were 9months.. now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. now they may be fraternal but they look identical. i'll be honest my husband and i even mix them up sometimes. everyone does. she immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. by the time i got there adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. we went home the same night told to push fluids. he was never in danger. its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. mil was beside herself. i tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went. this daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would not keep name tags on) doctor recommended a medical tattoo. explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. so after discussion with my husband we did it. he has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. from entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. never felt a thing. mil lost her shit the second i mentioned a medical tattoo. i tried to explain but she just freaked out so i put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up jack and find the tattoo. she picked up adam so i handed her jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. stripped him to his skivvies. i finally pointed it out and she went "that's just a freckle" i just said... "my point exactly. adam doesn't have a freckle there.. so that's how daycare can tell them apart" she's still pissed and ranting. once i explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think i went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. i believe i took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. by the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. so.. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hear me out. i (31f) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. testing eventually revealed i have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help i'll never get pregnant. so that's what we did. gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later i have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. jack and adam (fake). thing is jake has a condition. without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. once he is older he can take pills. i went back to work and mil offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, i trust her 100%. they were 9months.. now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. now they may be fraternal but they look identical. i'll be honest my husband and i even mix them up sometimes. everyone does. she immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. by the time i got there adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. we went home the same night told to push fluids. he was never in danger. its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. mil was beside herself. i tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went. this daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would not keep name tags on) doctor recommended a medical tattoo. explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. so after discussion with my husband we did it. he has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. from entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. never felt a thing. mil lost her shit the second i mentioned a medical tattoo. i tried to explain but she just freaked out so i put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up jack and find the tattoo. she picked up adam so i handed her jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. stripped him to his skivvies. i finally pointed it out and she went "that's just a freckle" i just said... "my point exactly. adam doesn't have a freckle there.. so that's how daycare can tell them apart" she's still pissed and ranting. once i explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think i went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. i believe i took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. by the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. so.. aita? [/INST] nta at all, it’s literally a fake freckle. it’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. also, it’s to make it harder to accidentally kill him or his brother. you made the right call. </s>
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AITA for insulting a girl's weight after she went off on me for touching her purse on a crowded train?
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train is packed, it's hot, i'm tired and looking for a place to sit. everything was occupied, but at one point i see an old lady get up and start making her way to the doors. i went over to sit in new place, but found a purse in it instead, belonging to the girl in the window seat. i asked her if she could move the purse, but she didn't respond. i noticed she had headphones in, so i figured i'll just pick up the purse and hand it to her as i'm sitting down.
as soon as i touched that thing, she went off on me with the most disgusted look and tone, asking me what the fuck i was doing. i explained. she then had the nerve to lie that she was keeping the seat for her friend. i told her i knew for a fact she was alone because i just saw the old lady get up, to which she did not respond. so i started making my way down, forcing her to pick up her purse if she didn't want it crushed under my ass.
this released an even bigger tirade and series of "what the fuck is your problem"-s. i saw another old lady looking for a seat and approaching ours, so i figured i'd had enough petty bullshit, turned around to the girl - who was slightly overweight - locked eyes with her and told her "oh i'm sorry, i didn't realize you actually needed two seats to be able to fit. my bad, i'll get up now". i got up and offered my seat to the old lady, who took it with a smile, seemingly ignoring the huge shitstorm that was spewing out of the girl's mouth as i was walking away.
i noticed some people gave me dirty looks, but others were chuckling, so i kinda wondered if i stepped too much out of line there.
| 30,472 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cmcou6/aita_for_insulting_a_girls_weight_after_she_went/
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2019-08-05 15:50:44
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nta: funny as fuck.
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nta - anyone who's saying you're an asshole for touching her purse clearly doesn't deal with public transportation. headphones in, face out the window, bag on the seat is a classic "fuck you nobody is gonna sit next to me" move from assholes on these trains. you cannot hold a seat. everyone paid for a ticket and everyone deserves a seat. she deserved a chewing out for how the reacted and for acting like she wasn't aware people were going to ask to sit there.
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esh. i don’t understand why you wouldn’t just tap her on the shoulder if she couldn’t hear you; picking up her purse yourself was a bad move and probably made her very defensive. if i was in that situation i would’ve thought you were stealing it to be honest. i also think her lie may have been part of that; sometimes if you feel threatened on your own the smartest thing to do is say that you’re waiting for a friend, because if anything dodgy was afoot you might scare the potential offender off.
she shouldn’t have made such a scene, but honestly if i were you i would’ve just backed off; it would be awkward to sit there after that anyway. you definitely shouldn’t have made the comment about her weight; it was childish and no matter the situation it’s just not something to insult someone for.
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> **aita for insulting a girl's weight**
yes.
but this is an esh situation.
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esh. i go on crowded trains all the time and this has happened before. a purse usually holds most women's valuables (wallet, phone, charger, keys, hygienic products, etc.), so having someone pick mine up in a crowded train would have made me really scared/disrespected initially, so i get why she initially reacted like "wtf?!". it would have been better to wave in front of her (with appropriate distance) or lightly tap her shoulder to get her attention. you're also an asshole for bringing up her weight when it had nothing to do with the situation. it's a low blow and immature when you could have commented on her shitty attitude instead.
she's an asshole though for lying about saving a seat especially when there's a crowded train. these people are literally the worst.
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esh. her weight was unrelated and unnecessary to bring up so you suck for that. she sucks for not moving her purse and overreacting to you doing it for her. there’s a reasonable expectation in crowded public places that items will be moved if they’re in the way. you touched her purse, not her body.
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esh - she was being a jerk by not picking up her purse to let you sit down, sure. but you made a personal attack on her seemingly out of nowhere. it's one thing to have an argument, but you took it to the level of insulting her.
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esh, two wrongs don't make a right. i understand that you might've been fuming with rage, but insulting someone regardless of what their doing is bad. on top of that, you insulted her with the intention to hurt her feelings.
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esh.
is she horrible? no argument. in fact, the way she's acting sounds like it borders on some kind of mental illness. *way* out of line. nobody needs to put up with that shit.
but... there's something to be said for "when they go low, you go high." you had a long, long list of things you could have said to put her in her place. going after her appearance is the lowest hanging fruit and, honestly... it's beneath you. sure she's an asshole, but that's not a free pass to be one too.
and you know what? your clapback wasn't even all that funny.
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esh. you didn't need to comment on/ or bring up her weight just because she didn't want to give you the extra seat and was huffy about it. she was shitty but in that moment you wanted to be hurtful so you too are also shitty. i don't get this trend of "well this person was an asshole so i was an asshole in response. am i an asshole?" yes, yes sir you are indeed an asshole.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
| 0.384 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: train is packed, it's hot, i'm tired and looking for a place to sit. everything was occupied, but at one point i see an old lady get up and start making her way to the doors. i went over to sit in new place, but found a purse in it instead, belonging to the girl in the window seat. i asked her if she could move the purse, but she didn't respond. i noticed she had headphones in, so i figured i'll just pick up the purse and hand it to her as i'm sitting down. as soon as i touched that thing, she went off on me with the most disgusted look and tone, asking me what the fuck i was doing. i explained. she then had the nerve to lie that she was keeping the seat for her friend. i told her i knew for a fact she was alone because i just saw the old lady get up, to which she did not respond. so i started making my way down, forcing her to pick up her purse if she didn't want it crushed under my ass. this released an even bigger tirade and series of "what the fuck is your problem"-s. i saw another old lady looking for a seat and approaching ours, so i figured i'd had enough petty bullshit, turned around to the girl - who was slightly overweight - locked eyes with her and told her "oh i'm sorry, i didn't realize you actually needed two seats to be able to fit. my bad, i'll get up now". i got up and offered my seat to the old lady, who took it with a smile, seemingly ignoring the huge shitstorm that was spewing out of the girl's mouth as i was walking away. i noticed some people gave me dirty looks, but others were chuckling, so i kinda wondered if i stepped too much out of line there.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
train is packed, it's hot, i'm tired and looking for a place to sit. everything was occupied, but at one point i see an old lady get up and start making her way to the doors. i went over to sit in new place, but found a purse in it instead, belonging to the girl in the window seat. i asked her if she could move the purse, but she didn't respond. i noticed she had headphones in, so i figured i'll just pick up the purse and hand it to her as i'm sitting down. as soon as i touched that thing, she went off on me with the most disgusted look and tone, asking me what the fuck i was doing. i explained. she then had the nerve to lie that she was keeping the seat for her friend. i told her i knew for a fact she was alone because i just saw the old lady get up, to which she did not respond. so i started making my way down, forcing her to pick up her purse if she didn't want it crushed under my ass. this released an even bigger tirade and series of "what the fuck is your problem"-s. i saw another old lady looking for a seat and approaching ours, so i figured i'd had enough petty bullshit, turned around to the girl - who was slightly overweight - locked eyes with her and told her "oh i'm sorry, i didn't realize you actually needed two seats to be able to fit. my bad, i'll get up now". i got up and offered my seat to the old lady, who took it with a smile, seemingly ignoring the huge shitstorm that was spewing out of the girl's mouth as i was walking away. i noticed some people gave me dirty looks, but others were chuckling, so i kinda wondered if i stepped too much out of line there. [/INST] nta: funny as fuck. </s>
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AITA for selling my daughter's car after discovering her texting & driving?
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when my daughter was 14, wife and i decided we would buy a car for her to use on her 16th if she proved herself to be responsible, got good grades, etc. there would be a "contract" of sorts to ensure we were all on the same page. the stipulations were continuing good grades, good attitude, she could only bring one friend with her somewhere (to begin with), we had to know where she was, and the obvious two: don't drink & drive, and don't text and drive.
we made it clear that **we** were buying the car, but it was for her to use. we got the car, a 2012 honda civic. she has a summer job right now, it's summer break so she's out doing stuff with her friends, etc. in a few months she will be off to college. everything was going swimmingly. until someone on that nextdoor app started posting pictures and videos of bad drivers in the area. and lo and behold, my daughter was posted with her face down as she texted and rolled through a stop sign. once with her face down in her phone at a stoplight. i was livid. my wife was the one who showed it to me. we found out there were more instances (from her instagram stories) and we decided... no.
wife and i up and sold the car. we didn't lose very much in the process, except of course our daughter completely came unraveled. it's so unfair, i didn't hurt anyone, everyone's doing it, how am i supposed to get to work, what about when i go to college? well, we said no, it's not unfair, you hurt us by being a shitty, irresponsible driver, no, not everyone's doing it, you can walk, ride your bike, or take the bus, and as for college, you don't need the car to get to and from classes, and again, ride your bike or walk. she tried to play the "how can you send your daughter to college without her safety in mind?" card and i said "well, well, well, now you're concerned about safety?" and she just up and screamed.
this has everyone in our life up in arms and divided. her grandparents think we're being over the top and awful, that grounding her would have sufficed. they've threatened that they will buy her a car again if we try to send her to college without one.
the car is already sold, so there's no going back. i think what we did was absolutely correct, that actions have consequences and we would be in the wrong to pull back from that. in terms of her going to college? well, she made that choice. she had a car, it came with certain stipulations, she disobeyed us, and now she pays the price.
so aita?
| 30,323 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cb6xz4/aita_for_selling_my_daughters_car_after/
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2019-07-09 21:11:32
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nta. frankly i admire your restraint.
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>her grandparents think we're being over the top and awful, that grounding her would have sufficed. they've threatened that they will buy her a car again if we try to send her to college without one.
you better shut that shit down immediately. you and wife have done a good job and the punishment seems proportionate imo. distracted driving kills. full stop.
old people love to spoil their relatives because it makes them feel involved. also it sounds like there might be some deeper need to undermine your authority as parents. hopefully, it isnt malicious and just misplaced desire to care for their granddaughter.
nta
&#x200b;
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nta. you'd a contract and she violated it.
> she tried to play the "how can you send your daughter to college without her safety in mind?" card and i said "well, well, well, now you're concerned about safety?"
burrrrrrn
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[deleted]
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nta, and her sense of outrage and entitlement instead of shame and contrition at getting caught in the act should only reaffirm you made the right choice. she’s not sorry, she’s pissed. if it were me, i’d need to see a major and genuine attitude upgrade before even considering relenting and i’d be telling the grandparents that until she’s 18 there’s no way she’s driving a car from them either... and then they can put her on *their * insurance. sometimes you have to do unpopular things to teach your kids important lessons and help protect them from their own bad choices. they should be supporting you, not undermining you. ugh.
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esh, i'm 100% sure half the nta have texted and drove at some point. i don't disagree with consequences but you've taken zero steps to make her a safer driver. texting and driving is serious but what's going to happen when she buys her own car and you're not around? one strike policies are generally bad ideas.
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nta- actions have consequences.
doesn’t stop you from buying her another car in the short/medium term future if she can show she’s learned from what happened
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esh. you're kid is an idiot, but she's also a *kid* so its kind of a given. i don't know what lesson you think you're giving her, but selling the car is not gonna help her become a safer driver. is your plan just to wait until she buys her own car and then hope for the best? i think you've confused punishing with teaching here, and it makes you guys assholes.
&#x200b;
|
nta.
your daughter is being naïve. this natural for her. but she needs to understand, it doesn’t matter that no one was hurt, what matters is that someone could have very easily been hurt. she is wielding a deadly weapon, and she has consciously chosen to wield it with reckless disregard for the safety of those around her: your friends and neighbors.
your grandparents also need to back off. they aren’t raising your daughter, you are. frankly, there isn’t any need for a college kid to have a car these days. you can get a place to sleep near the college and you can get most things you’d need delivered to your door. a car means you need to pay for parking, find a parking spot, maintain the car; it’s actually a bit of a hassle, honestly.
this is a parenting decision. granted, after turning 18, you legally become an adult. but as kids remain dependent on their parents to age 25, especially college bound kids, they’re in your custody and you are in charge. are grandparents going to pay her tuition? do they want to adopt her? no, they are undermining your authority as a parent.
|
everyone’s saying nta here, so ima play devils advocate. ima say esh. your daughter sucked for texting and driving. and you sucked for selling the car.
i understand you had a “contract”. i understand you’re trying to teach her a lesson. she should be taught a lesson. but selling the car? a bit overboard in my opinion. you could’ve took the keys from her and withheld her driving privileges for a month or two. hell, you could’ve taken her cell phone for a month as well. i bet that would’ve livened her ass up. but now you sold the car which was gonna be her primary means of transport in the future + college like she said. idk if you and your family just got money to blow or what, but i guess you don’t mind being out thousands of dollars to prove a point. if it were me, i’d have took the car and phone for a month or so. now, you have to buy her another car down the road (let’s be real, she’s gonna need a car, and at some point you’re all gonna move past this, she’ll have learned her lesson, and you’ll be buying another car) bc you sold the one you already bought to make a point.
and let’s get something straight before people start downvoting and saying how bad texting and driving is - no shit. i agree. texting and driving is bad. common sense. but i’d bet my damn life we’ve all done it before at least once or twice. some people probably do it all the time but you’re still gonna say nta. op has probably texted and drove/drives. i understand the point you’re trying to make to your daughter, but to sell the car over it is just a bit over the top in my opinion. yes, she shouldn’t be texting and driving. should she be taught a lesson? yes. i just feel like there are better ways op could’ve went about it than selling the car. that’s all i’m trying to say.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.06929 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when my daughter was 14, wife and i decided we would buy a car for her to use on her 16th if she proved herself to be responsible, got good grades, etc. there would be a "contract" of sorts to ensure we were all on the same page. the stipulations were continuing good grades, good attitude, she could only bring one friend with her somewhere (to begin with), we had to know where she was, and the obvious two: don't drink & drive, and don't text and drive. we made it clear that **we** were buying the car, but it was for her to use. we got the car, a 2012 honda civic. she has a summer job right now, it's summer break so she's out doing stuff with her friends, etc. in a few months she will be off to college. everything was going swimmingly. until someone on that nextdoor app started posting pictures and videos of bad drivers in the area. and lo and behold, my daughter was posted with her face down as she texted and rolled through a stop sign. once with her face down in her phone at a stoplight. i was livid. my wife was the one who showed it to me. we found out there were more instances (from her instagram stories) and we decided... no. wife and i up and sold the car. we didn't lose very much in the process, except of course our daughter completely came unraveled. it's so unfair, i didn't hurt anyone, everyone's doing it, how am i supposed to get to work, what about when i go to college? well, we said no, it's not unfair, you hurt us by being a shitty, irresponsible driver, no, not everyone's doing it, you can walk, ride your bike, or take the bus, and as for college, you don't need the car to get to and from classes, and again, ride your bike or walk. she tried to play the "how can you send your daughter to college without her safety in mind?" card and i said "well, well, well, now you're concerned about safety?" and she just up and screamed. this has everyone in our life up in arms and divided. her grandparents think we're being over the top and awful, that grounding her would have sufficed. they've threatened that they will buy her a car again if we try to send her to college without one. the car is already sold, so there's no going back. i think what we did was absolutely correct, that actions have consequences and we would be in the wrong to pull back from that. in terms of her going to college? well, she made that choice. she had a car, it came with certain stipulations, she disobeyed us, and now she pays the price. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when my daughter was 14, wife and i decided we would buy a car for her to use on her 16th if she proved herself to be responsible, got good grades, etc. there would be a "contract" of sorts to ensure we were all on the same page. the stipulations were continuing good grades, good attitude, she could only bring one friend with her somewhere (to begin with), we had to know where she was, and the obvious two: don't drink & drive, and don't text and drive. we made it clear that **we** were buying the car, but it was for her to use. we got the car, a 2012 honda civic. she has a summer job right now, it's summer break so she's out doing stuff with her friends, etc. in a few months she will be off to college. everything was going swimmingly. until someone on that nextdoor app started posting pictures and videos of bad drivers in the area. and lo and behold, my daughter was posted with her face down as she texted and rolled through a stop sign. once with her face down in her phone at a stoplight. i was livid. my wife was the one who showed it to me. we found out there were more instances (from her instagram stories) and we decided... no. wife and i up and sold the car. we didn't lose very much in the process, except of course our daughter completely came unraveled. it's so unfair, i didn't hurt anyone, everyone's doing it, how am i supposed to get to work, what about when i go to college? well, we said no, it's not unfair, you hurt us by being a shitty, irresponsible driver, no, not everyone's doing it, you can walk, ride your bike, or take the bus, and as for college, you don't need the car to get to and from classes, and again, ride your bike or walk. she tried to play the "how can you send your daughter to college without her safety in mind?" card and i said "well, well, well, now you're concerned about safety?" and she just up and screamed. this has everyone in our life up in arms and divided. her grandparents think we're being over the top and awful, that grounding her would have sufficed. they've threatened that they will buy her a car again if we try to send her to college without one. the car is already sold, so there's no going back. i think what we did was absolutely correct, that actions have consequences and we would be in the wrong to pull back from that. in terms of her going to college? well, she made that choice. she had a car, it came with certain stipulations, she disobeyed us, and now she pays the price. so aita? [/INST] nta. frankly i admire your restraint. </s>
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