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AITA for not wanting my nephew to watch the TV in my room?
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english isn't my first language so sorry if there is any mistakes.
i [m15] live with my parents, my older sister sofia [f19], sofia's boyfriend adrian [m19] and their child luke [m3].
luke is a difficult child and is a menace sometimes. sofia and adrian struggles to keep control of him. he is very hyper and destructive a lot. he always ignores being scolded and has no sense of danger.
we live in a 3 bedroom house. my parents have their own room, i have my own room and sofia, adrian and luke are in the biggest bedroom all together.
sofia and adrian think it's unfair and think luke should stay in my room, because i don't share my room with anyone. i told them i don't want to share my room with luke and my parents think it's a silly idea anyway.
i have a little old tv in my room that can play dvds which my uncle let me have as he was going to throw it away anyway. i have lots of dvds and i like to watch disney movies on it.
whenever i go to school sofia puts luke in my room and shuts the door to leave him to watch the tv.
when i come home, my room is full of mess that luke made. as i said, he's a very destructive child. sofia often lets him eat food on my bed and he leaves crumbs everywhere and smears food bits on my stuff that he has touched.
it is very annoying. i've asked sofia to stop putting luke in my room. she said i'm selfish for not wanting to share my tv. i said my room is not the daycare.
i told my parents about this and they told me to share. they said sofia is stressed and she deserves a break from luke.
i've started locking my bedroom door when i leave for school and sofia said i'm a bad uncle and said i only think about myself. i feel guilty.
| 1,852 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xheq95/aita_for_not_wanting_my_nephew_to_watch_the_tv_in/
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2022-09-18 11:56:19
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nta - locking the door is your only option until you are able to move out. good for you for setting and maintaining reasonable boundaries.
i hope that this teaches you a lesson about having a kid at 16, don't be like sofia and adrian!
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nta. ***i'd contact child protective services if these teen-age parents are just putting a 3 yr old child into a room and shutting the door to keep him confined without them watching him.*** maybe this child needs better, caring parents. don't either of the parents work or are they home all day? this room seems to be your only personal space. nta. i know the dvd player is yours, but could they use it during the day in the living room or common area while you are at school so the 3 yr old is not locked in your room? i bet they'd refuse this offer coz i am thinking they want to lock this 3 yr old up in a room, door shut, so they can ignore him all day.
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nta. not your kid. not your boyfriend. not your problem.
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nta, you’re being made the victim of your destructive nephew as opposed to your sister and her boyfriend parenting him.
unfortunately there’s also nothing you can do about it other than hope to reason with them or convince your parents to side with you, since it’s ultimately their house and you have little agency according to the law.
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nta. why should you have to share your space, especially with someone who doesn’t respect it?
also, the kid has two parents, why does his mother needing a break mean he has to be in your room instead of being watched by the other parent? sitting a kid down in front of a tv all the time is also what is causing his behavior.
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nta. if sofia and adrian think that it’s unfair, they should move out and rent a place of their own.
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phrase it to your parents a different way.
"it's dangerous to lock a 3 year old child in a room by himself, especially with food. if he gets hurt, i won't lie to the authorities and i will let them know that sister is neglectful and didn't care about the risk to nephews safety. people will also know that you two knew about tmwhat she was doing and didn't intervene for the safety of your grandson."
edit for judgement: nta
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> sister: you only think of yourself.
> also sister: wants her nephew to stay in his uncle’s room because she doesn’t want to share a room with a toddler, so she decides to try and inconvenience her little brother.
nta. but your sister is, and both her and her boyfriend suck at parenting.
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nta. it's your room and youe space and you get to decide who gets to be in it, especially if someone is destructive and makes a mess. incidentally it's also their kid and their responsibility...if they wanna keep luke in your room for a time the least they should do is watch him and clean up after him...
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it is up to your sister to parent her child, not you. and it is up to your sister to tidy up after her child, not you. you are entitled to protect your property when she behaves in this way. nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: english isn't my first language so sorry if there is any mistakes. i [m15] live with my parents, my older sister sofia [f19], sofia's boyfriend adrian [m19] and their child luke [m3]. luke is a difficult child and is a menace sometimes. sofia and adrian struggles to keep control of him. he is very hyper and destructive a lot. he always ignores being scolded and has no sense of danger. we live in a 3 bedroom house. my parents have their own room, i have my own room and sofia, adrian and luke are in the biggest bedroom all together. sofia and adrian think it's unfair and think luke should stay in my room, because i don't share my room with anyone. i told them i don't want to share my room with luke and my parents think it's a silly idea anyway. i have a little old tv in my room that can play dvds which my uncle let me have as he was going to throw it away anyway. i have lots of dvds and i like to watch disney movies on it. whenever i go to school sofia puts luke in my room and shuts the door to leave him to watch the tv. when i come home, my room is full of mess that luke made. as i said, he's a very destructive child. sofia often lets him eat food on my bed and he leaves crumbs everywhere and smears food bits on my stuff that he has touched. it is very annoying. i've asked sofia to stop putting luke in my room. she said i'm selfish for not wanting to share my tv. i said my room is not the daycare. i told my parents about this and they told me to share. they said sofia is stressed and she deserves a break from luke. i've started locking my bedroom door when i leave for school and sofia said i'm a bad uncle and said i only think about myself. i feel guilty.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
english isn't my first language so sorry if there is any mistakes. i [m15] live with my parents, my older sister sofia [f19], sofia's boyfriend adrian [m19] and their child luke [m3]. luke is a difficult child and is a menace sometimes. sofia and adrian struggles to keep control of him. he is very hyper and destructive a lot. he always ignores being scolded and has no sense of danger. we live in a 3 bedroom house. my parents have their own room, i have my own room and sofia, adrian and luke are in the biggest bedroom all together. sofia and adrian think it's unfair and think luke should stay in my room, because i don't share my room with anyone. i told them i don't want to share my room with luke and my parents think it's a silly idea anyway. i have a little old tv in my room that can play dvds which my uncle let me have as he was going to throw it away anyway. i have lots of dvds and i like to watch disney movies on it. whenever i go to school sofia puts luke in my room and shuts the door to leave him to watch the tv. when i come home, my room is full of mess that luke made. as i said, he's a very destructive child. sofia often lets him eat food on my bed and he leaves crumbs everywhere and smears food bits on my stuff that he has touched. it is very annoying. i've asked sofia to stop putting luke in my room. she said i'm selfish for not wanting to share my tv. i said my room is not the daycare. i told my parents about this and they told me to share. they said sofia is stressed and she deserves a break from luke. i've started locking my bedroom door when i leave for school and sofia said i'm a bad uncle and said i only think about myself. i feel guilty. [/INST] nta - locking the door is your only option until you are able to move out. good for you for setting and maintaining reasonable boundaries. i hope that this teaches you a lesson about having a kid at 16, don't be like sofia and adrian! </s>
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AITA For letting my friend sniff my girlfriend?
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title sounds strange, i know.
one of my friends (23m) is a bit of a prankster and enjoys having fun. he is really beloved by our group.
i recently got into a relationship with a girl who doesn't really know my friends. so the 5 of us decided to meet up at an outdoor patio for drinks. we all met up there and immediately my friend goes up to my girlfriend, introduces himself and puts both his hands on the walls next to her, with her being in between both of his arms, he wasn't touching her or anything and i thought it was pretty funny so far.
he then says "you looks fresh" and sniffs her neck and deeply inhales. i was laughing so hard that he would do that immediately upon meeting her.
she was silent for most of the night and on the way home, she yelled that i should have stepped in and stopped him from sniffing her, i told her that he didn't mean anything by it and that is just his humor.
she called him disgusting and i told her she's being out of line and if she wanted him to stop, she should have said something instead of being passive aggressive about it.
i don't think i am the asshole because she's a big girl and can stand up for herself, and again, he never made physical contact with her.
| 198 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jbq3li/aita_for_letting_my_friend_sniff_my_girlfriend/
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2020-10-15 15:48:47
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yta many women freeze up and do nothing when men do these things because some men become violent. being a "big girl" has nothing to do with it. our adrenal response is fight, flight, or freeze. she froze, you should have stood up for her, or learned and apologized and not let it happen again.
also it is not "funny" to do this to strange women. he wouldn't dare do it to a man, he does it to make women uncomfortable and scare them.
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yta.
your friend acted like a complete creep and you thought it was funny.
fyi your friend should not act that way when he doesn't know somebody's sense of humor. his actions easily could have come off as aggressive or harassing, even in a sexual nature. that's not okay, and you should have had your gf's back.
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yta.
what he did wasn't cool. it was being creepy and shoreline rapey. you stood there and laughed while your girlfriend was standing there being violated. its not funny to get your personal space violated especially by someone who is new to you. it doesn't matter that "thats just his sense of humor". **no**.
its way out of line. that's what it is.
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yta 100%. your “friend“ is a creepy asshole, and you are just as big of an asshole, if not worse, for letting him treat your girlfriend this way and then being completely dismissive of her feelings. i hope that she breaks up with you immediately because you sound like an absolute shitty boyfriend.
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definitely yta. the sniffing thing was gross and creepy, but essentially being pinned to a wall by a stranger (he’s a stranger to her, remember) while her boyfriend laughed was probably terrifying and humiliating.
the punch line of this “joke” was that it’s funny for a woman to be feel unsafe is not funny. because that’s how she felt, op. women get groped, assaulted and worse by men every single day. when a strange man moves in close, all of us think to ourselves, “oh, shit, what’s he going to do to me?”
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yta that is so disgusting. she was approached by a stranger and cornered while you were across the room laughing. it’s weird that you would allow your friend to do something like that to your girlfriend and make her feel unsafe. that’s sexual harassment
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yta he sniffed her *and* said, “you look fresh,” while pinning her in place and looming over her? it’s the, “you look fresh,” line that sends me. you know what that means, right? you know what he intended to imply. he dehumanized her, treated her like a piece of meat, like sexual prey, like a walking bag of sexual organs with a face attached, “fresh” enough to force himself onto, or like a piece of livestock “fresh” enough to eat, and you did nothing? nothing but laugh while your friend, “the beloved of our group,” insinuated he’d like to rape and possibly slaughter your girlfriend while using his body to hold her captive and assert his physical dominance over her? and you think she’s “out of line” for taking it, sitting through that entire outing with your “friends,” waiting until you were alone together, and then getting upset with you for letting her be victimized? you think *she’s* in the wrong???
i can’t. i just can’t even with m*n today. what the actual fuck is wrong with you. i hope she dumps you, blocks your number, and has a fabulous life filled with people who don’t treat her like an animal or intentionally humiliate her for their own amusement.
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yta stand up for your woman! what if some huge dude who was a friend of hers did that to you? she was terrified
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yta. he was asserting dominance. it was 'funny' because she was trapped and couldn't stop him from doing what he wanted. a lot of women associate sniffing them/ their stuff with creepy guys. i had my hair sniffed by several guys back in hs and it was so creepy. you let your friend make your gf uncomfortable for laughs. not ok.
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yta. what’s the punchline? “hahahah, you’re scared of a large man with no respect for your personal space! lol so funny!!!!”
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: title sounds strange, i know. one of my friends (23m) is a bit of a prankster and enjoys having fun. he is really beloved by our group. i recently got into a relationship with a girl who doesn't really know my friends. so the 5 of us decided to meet up at an outdoor patio for drinks. we all met up there and immediately my friend goes up to my girlfriend, introduces himself and puts both his hands on the walls next to her, with her being in between both of his arms, he wasn't touching her or anything and i thought it was pretty funny so far. he then says "you looks fresh" and sniffs her neck and deeply inhales. i was laughing so hard that he would do that immediately upon meeting her. she was silent for most of the night and on the way home, she yelled that i should have stepped in and stopped him from sniffing her, i told her that he didn't mean anything by it and that is just his humor. she called him disgusting and i told her she's being out of line and if she wanted him to stop, she should have said something instead of being passive aggressive about it. i don't think i am the asshole because she's a big girl and can stand up for herself, and again, he never made physical contact with her.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
title sounds strange, i know. one of my friends (23m) is a bit of a prankster and enjoys having fun. he is really beloved by our group. i recently got into a relationship with a girl who doesn't really know my friends. so the 5 of us decided to meet up at an outdoor patio for drinks. we all met up there and immediately my friend goes up to my girlfriend, introduces himself and puts both his hands on the walls next to her, with her being in between both of his arms, he wasn't touching her or anything and i thought it was pretty funny so far. he then says "you looks fresh" and sniffs her neck and deeply inhales. i was laughing so hard that he would do that immediately upon meeting her. she was silent for most of the night and on the way home, she yelled that i should have stepped in and stopped him from sniffing her, i told her that he didn't mean anything by it and that is just his humor. she called him disgusting and i told her she's being out of line and if she wanted him to stop, she should have said something instead of being passive aggressive about it. i don't think i am the asshole because she's a big girl and can stand up for herself, and again, he never made physical contact with her. [/INST] yta many women freeze up and do nothing when men do these things because some men become violent. being a "big girl" has nothing to do with it. our adrenal response is fight, flight, or freeze. she froze, you should have stood up for her, or learned and apologized and not let it happen again. also it is not "funny" to do this to strange women. he wouldn't dare do it to a man, he does it to make women uncomfortable and scare them. </s>
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AITA for calling CPS on my fiancé’s uncle?
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preface: this all happened last year (june of 2021)
i (20f) was asked by my fiancé’s (21m) uncle to babysit his 5 kids (12f, 8m, 4m, 3f, and 2f) last year so his wife could start working to make extra money for their household. they were willing to pay me $300 a week so it wasn’t so bad. i always knew they were pretty low income, and didn’t keep their house as clean as they should, but i didn’t mind too much, because if i was going to be there all day, i could help with their house as well.
boy, was i wrong. the first couple of weeks of watching the kids was absolutely atrocious. the kids were great, but the trailer home they were living in had so many issues. it was unfinished, and in some places you could see the grass outside through the floor, they had roaches and bedbugs all over, and the plumbing never worked properly (and mind you, i was 8 months pregnant at the time so i always had to pee). not only that, but it was a 3 bedroom, 1 bath home yet only 2 bedrooms were in use because the back room was filled to the ceiling with broken hand me down “toys” for the kids.
at that time, i was contemplating calling cps, but when i talked to my fiancé and mom about all of this, they said that i should wait and see if i could help at all first. so i went out and bought some bed bug spray and roach traps, and i offered to clean for them. they were happy to have the help, so i went ahead and tried, and waited to see if things would get better to make the call. things continued to get worse when they called me and said they needed me to watch all the kids but the youngest because of an emergency. it turns out their 2 year old had to be hospitalized for malnutrition. i decided then to call a social worker i know to see what i should do, because i really didn’t want these kids to be taken, but the parents had crossed some lines that weren’t okay. my friend said the kids more than likely won’t be taken away, but the parents will be told that they need to get a bigger house, with working plumbing, and no bugs, and they’ll have to deal with checkins from the state for a year to make sure everything’s going okay. so i decided to make the call, and then when they got home i told them i couldn’t babysit anymore and left.
it’s now been a year, they are all living in a 5 bedroom home that’s always clean, and all the kids are super healthy. the family on the other hand refuses to speak to me because i “tried to split their family up.” i’m not sure if i made the right call or if i’m ta.
| 952 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/txrufa/aita_for_calling_cps_on_my_fiancés_uncle/
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2022-04-06 17:46:40
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nta - if a child is admitted to the hospital for malnutrition without an underlying medical disorder, the hospital will absolutely be calling cps themselves. whatever they had to deal with regarding cps would have happened whether you called or not.
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oh honey, that’s such a shame. you did the right thing, which was to alert the right agency to the risk the children were facing. without someone intervening, it could have carried on like that indefinitely with more children becoming sick. and you don’t know if the hospital notified them, malnutrition in a child is a big deal. the adults might be mad, but the children are safe and better cared for. they’ll be grateful even if their parents are being idiots about it.
nta
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nta
thank you. just thank you.
those kids are being taken care of now. you weren't trying to split the family apart. you were trying to make sure the family stayed alive and well. don't forget that.
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nta. you prioritized the kids' health and safety, which is never an ah thing to do. good on you for caring about those kids. and, it seems like the situation ended up working out pretty well because they're much better cared for now.
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lord god in heaven, nta.
in fact, you probably didn't even run them in yourself. nurses are mandated reporters. if they get a 2yo with malnutrition, they're gonna use the red phone that connect directly to cps. they were likely already under investigation at that point and unaware.
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nta
obviously, you made the right call. them not talking to you is a small sacrifice for the health and safety of the kids. maybe someday they will look past their hurt pride and see that.
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nta
the tipping point was the malnutrition. roaches happen, bed bugs happen. holes in the floor or other places don’t really matter as long as the temperature inside isn’t dangerously hot or cold. cramped living spaces aren’t a big deal.
too many people seem to think that calling cps automatically means kids will be taken away. cps is too underfunded and overworked to investigate every minor call, and they don’t have enough foster homes available for the kids who legitimately *do* need to be removed.
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nta, sounds like you gave them the wakeup call they needed, im glad the children are doing a lot better now
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nta. seems like you did everything you could before you had to make that call. they also seem to be doing so much better because of that call. you did the right thing and those kid will have a better life for it.
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nta. the hospital would have called anyway. malnutrition is a huge red flag and without an underlying condition that's basically automatically a cps call.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: preface: this all happened last year (june of 2021) i (20f) was asked by my fiancé’s (21m) uncle to babysit his 5 kids (12f, 8m, 4m, 3f, and 2f) last year so his wife could start working to make extra money for their household. they were willing to pay me $300 a week so it wasn’t so bad. i always knew they were pretty low income, and didn’t keep their house as clean as they should, but i didn’t mind too much, because if i was going to be there all day, i could help with their house as well. boy, was i wrong. the first couple of weeks of watching the kids was absolutely atrocious. the kids were great, but the trailer home they were living in had so many issues. it was unfinished, and in some places you could see the grass outside through the floor, they had roaches and bedbugs all over, and the plumbing never worked properly (and mind you, i was 8 months pregnant at the time so i always had to pee). not only that, but it was a 3 bedroom, 1 bath home yet only 2 bedrooms were in use because the back room was filled to the ceiling with broken hand me down “toys” for the kids. at that time, i was contemplating calling cps, but when i talked to my fiancé and mom about all of this, they said that i should wait and see if i could help at all first. so i went out and bought some bed bug spray and roach traps, and i offered to clean for them. they were happy to have the help, so i went ahead and tried, and waited to see if things would get better to make the call. things continued to get worse when they called me and said they needed me to watch all the kids but the youngest because of an emergency. it turns out their 2 year old had to be hospitalized for malnutrition. i decided then to call a social worker i know to see what i should do, because i really didn’t want these kids to be taken, but the parents had crossed some lines that weren’t okay. my friend said the kids more than likely won’t be taken away, but the parents will be told that they need to get a bigger house, with working plumbing, and no bugs, and they’ll have to deal with checkins from the state for a year to make sure everything’s going okay. so i decided to make the call, and then when they got home i told them i couldn’t babysit anymore and left. it’s now been a year, they are all living in a 5 bedroom home that’s always clean, and all the kids are super healthy. the family on the other hand refuses to speak to me because i “tried to split their family up.” i’m not sure if i made the right call or if i’m ta.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
preface: this all happened last year (june of 2021) i (20f) was asked by my fiancé’s (21m) uncle to babysit his 5 kids (12f, 8m, 4m, 3f, and 2f) last year so his wife could start working to make extra money for their household. they were willing to pay me $300 a week so it wasn’t so bad. i always knew they were pretty low income, and didn’t keep their house as clean as they should, but i didn’t mind too much, because if i was going to be there all day, i could help with their house as well. boy, was i wrong. the first couple of weeks of watching the kids was absolutely atrocious. the kids were great, but the trailer home they were living in had so many issues. it was unfinished, and in some places you could see the grass outside through the floor, they had roaches and bedbugs all over, and the plumbing never worked properly (and mind you, i was 8 months pregnant at the time so i always had to pee). not only that, but it was a 3 bedroom, 1 bath home yet only 2 bedrooms were in use because the back room was filled to the ceiling with broken hand me down “toys” for the kids. at that time, i was contemplating calling cps, but when i talked to my fiancé and mom about all of this, they said that i should wait and see if i could help at all first. so i went out and bought some bed bug spray and roach traps, and i offered to clean for them. they were happy to have the help, so i went ahead and tried, and waited to see if things would get better to make the call. things continued to get worse when they called me and said they needed me to watch all the kids but the youngest because of an emergency. it turns out their 2 year old had to be hospitalized for malnutrition. i decided then to call a social worker i know to see what i should do, because i really didn’t want these kids to be taken, but the parents had crossed some lines that weren’t okay. my friend said the kids more than likely won’t be taken away, but the parents will be told that they need to get a bigger house, with working plumbing, and no bugs, and they’ll have to deal with checkins from the state for a year to make sure everything’s going okay. so i decided to make the call, and then when they got home i told them i couldn’t babysit anymore and left. it’s now been a year, they are all living in a 5 bedroom home that’s always clean, and all the kids are super healthy. the family on the other hand refuses to speak to me because i “tried to split their family up.” i’m not sure if i made the right call or if i’m ta. [/INST] nta - if a child is admitted to the hospital for malnutrition without an underlying medical disorder, the hospital will absolutely be calling cps themselves. whatever they had to deal with regarding cps would have happened whether you called or not. </s>
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AITA for being upset at my birthday presents
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i just turned 16 a few days ago and this has been something bugging my mind. so 16 is a pretty big mile stone. lots of people usually get big presents. most of my friends got like new phones, air pods, new clothes. things like that. i don’t like to consider myself spoiled so obviously i wasn’t expecting something big but at least maybe something a little extra. it’s not like we’re poor; in fact my parents are in the higher upper class. anyways, it comes time to get my presents and i guess you could say i was kinda disappointed. i got a pillow and a chocolate bar. and i mean it’s pretty nice but i guess i probably set my expectations high. my sister kept saying “it’s gonna be something big” so i guess i was a little underwhelmed. i tried to smile through it and act happy. afterwards, my sister came up to me and said i looked upset when i saw my presents and that i was an asshole and ungrateful. she didn’t get me anything for my birthday btw. she said the pillow was from all of them. but yeah, i don’t really know at this point. i know some kids don’t get anything for their birthdays so maybe i’m just acting like a brat by feeling upset. so aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f72156/aita_for_being_upset_at_my_birthday_presents/
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2020-02-20 23:38:14
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nta
lol the people calling you an asshole wouldn't have wanted a pillow when they were 16 i bet 😂
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nta.
honestly your sister kind of sounds like one. she hyped you up, had you thinking you were gonna get something super awesome. then told you that you were an ungrateful brat because you didn't jump up and down with excitement over a pillow. 😂
also you held it together and pretended to be happy out of respect for your parents and didn't complain so you are in no way an asshole.
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nta.
didn't expect it from thread title, but going with it.
yeah, yeah, nobody gets to demand better gifts, entitled, entitled, blah blah blah...
but... y'know... birthday presents are a thing, countries and communities that celebrate these things have certain expectations, traditions, assumptions and so on. presumably op has received presents on their prior birthdays, op says sister got a computer for a recent birthday, this is clearly a birthday participating family.
unless op specifically loves that type of chocolate, and specifically requesteed / expressed interest in some unusually special pillow, it's a pretty lame, lazy gift. we can all sit back and say "you're never entitled to a gift" but can you imagine if you were a kid/teen and you suddenly got a completely thoughtless or lazy birthday / christmas one year.
when you raise kids with expectations / values / traditions, you can't blame the kids for feeling let down when you just decide to half-ass when their turn to benefit rolls up.
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nta but your sister is the ah for amping you up the whole time.
you sound like a genuine person and mature for your age. you thought this all through and you’re trying to make sense of it. i don’t think that’s being ungrateful. you had expectations due to various reasons. it is a disappointing situation.
maybe have a calm conversation with your sister about why she told you that you were getting something big.
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i really want to meet all of these people that are arguing that a walmart pillow & a brand of chocolate bar you don’t even like are acceptable birthday gifts.
i think you’re allowed to feel disappointed that your parents got you something that showed very little thought or effort, especially since your sister got an expensive gift for her last birthday. nta.
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info. are you the oldest? if not what did your sibs receive for their 16 bday?
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nta
i was full on expecting you to be entitled and spoiled but a pillow and a chocolate bar? what?
i’m surprised your sister didn’t wrap a stick of gum and say that was her present to you.
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nta i'm kinda surprised at the y-t-a s because if this was one of those christmas posts where a woman gets a vacuum or a guy gets deodorant / something that's more of a necessity, i'm pretty sure anyone saying be grateful you got anything would be downvoted into oblivion.
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nta. first, happy sweet sixteen! second, what kind of pillow (not that it really matters)? was it something you had really wanted? i would think your family would put in a little extra effort since you turned 16 and it’s a milestone for sure. it doesn’t sound like you expected a new car or anything extravagant. expecting or hoping to get a great memorable gift isn’t being an a-hole. you didn’t say you expected something expensive or out of your family’s price range. getting a pillow and a chocolate bar for your birthday sounds like something charlie would’ve been gifted in willy wonka.
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nta in your other comment you said your sister got a computer for her birthday and it was wrong of her to install you with false hope. plus its not like you said anything you did try to act happy
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i just turned 16 a few days ago and this has been something bugging my mind. so 16 is a pretty big mile stone. lots of people usually get big presents. most of my friends got like new phones, air pods, new clothes. things like that. i don’t like to consider myself spoiled so obviously i wasn’t expecting something big but at least maybe something a little extra. it’s not like we’re poor; in fact my parents are in the higher upper class. anyways, it comes time to get my presents and i guess you could say i was kinda disappointed. i got a pillow and a chocolate bar. and i mean it’s pretty nice but i guess i probably set my expectations high. my sister kept saying “it’s gonna be something big” so i guess i was a little underwhelmed. i tried to smile through it and act happy. afterwards, my sister came up to me and said i looked upset when i saw my presents and that i was an asshole and ungrateful. she didn’t get me anything for my birthday btw. she said the pillow was from all of them. but yeah, i don’t really know at this point. i know some kids don’t get anything for their birthdays so maybe i’m just acting like a brat by feeling upset. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i just turned 16 a few days ago and this has been something bugging my mind. so 16 is a pretty big mile stone. lots of people usually get big presents. most of my friends got like new phones, air pods, new clothes. things like that. i don’t like to consider myself spoiled so obviously i wasn’t expecting something big but at least maybe something a little extra. it’s not like we’re poor; in fact my parents are in the higher upper class. anyways, it comes time to get my presents and i guess you could say i was kinda disappointed. i got a pillow and a chocolate bar. and i mean it’s pretty nice but i guess i probably set my expectations high. my sister kept saying “it’s gonna be something big” so i guess i was a little underwhelmed. i tried to smile through it and act happy. afterwards, my sister came up to me and said i looked upset when i saw my presents and that i was an asshole and ungrateful. she didn’t get me anything for my birthday btw. she said the pillow was from all of them. but yeah, i don’t really know at this point. i know some kids don’t get anything for their birthdays so maybe i’m just acting like a brat by feeling upset. so aita? [/INST] nta lol the people calling you an asshole wouldn't have wanted a pillow when they were 16 i bet 😂 </s>
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AITA For Staying Out Late? MIL Called Me A Bad Mother
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a little backstory, my family (husband 30, me 26, kids 2&3) lost our home in a fire 3 months ago, and are living with my in-laws.
a few nights ago, my husband and i were at a party with close friends. when it got to be around 130am, my husband decided to go home, but said i could stay and come home later. as i haven't been able to work for health reasons, and everyone else in the household is working, i had not left the house in almost 2 months. we decided that as a couple, and he said it was fine i stayed out.
my friend and i lost track of time watching movies, and i realized it was almost 6am. i rushed home immediately when i realized. i've never stayed out that long, but after months of no human contact besides two toddlers and my inlaws...i messed up.
when i got home i went to poke my head into my kids room to check on them before getting getting an hour or two of sleep before they woke up.
when i came out of the room, my mother and law came up to me and in a very upset tone, told me that my 2 year old had woken up at 4am screaming (which hasn't happened before ever so how could i have known?) and that she went looking for me to calm him down and i wasn't here. she literally said "he needed you and you weren't here!"
my response was to say "his father was here, you could have gotten him, he knew i was staying out." and her response to that was to tell me that every other person in this house works right now and i don't, so i should be the one to deal with these things since i'll just be home with the two of them all day. i agree i have more responsibility right now with them, but again, how was i to know this had happened? i also mentioned that i'm not out of work by choice right now and she just kept saying "i know this is a difficult time, but this is ridiculous!"
she came at me 3 more times that morning with the same energy, once in front of my husband who said nothing then.
aita for going out, when it was so late? or for not being there for my kids?
*edit for clarity*
will be getting a baby monitor! great idea!
mil is the one insisting we live here. she is almost too obsessed with the kids and doesn't really let us parent them while living here or let us have a say. we try to be in charge of them but it's tough bc its her house and fil says "grandma's house grandma's rules" so it feels like a fine line here to walk
we do pay towards utilities, and feed ourselves. we don't even have a car (bc fire), we borrow my parents so hubby can work.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pa0uwq/aita_for_staying_out_late_mil_called_me_a_bad/
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2021-08-23 14:23:57
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nta
you went out for the first time in 2 months and lost track of time - watching movies, not bar hopping!
your husband should have taken care of the toddler when/if he woke up.
i'm more concerned that your husband didn't defend you when his mother went after you in front of him.
i hope your house is repaired soon!
hugs
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nta, you're right that this is between you and your husband and he was fine with it. he should have stood up for you rather than staying silent and letting your mil come at you.
you say you messed up, how? it was discussed and agreed that you could stay out later, i don't see how you did anything wrong. eventually in a kid's life there are going to be nights when you're not around, you can't possibly be there 24/7 waiting for a disaster. and it's not like they were abandoned, your husband was there.
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nta.
this was an agreement between you and your spouse. none of mil's business.
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nah, except probably your husband.
you can certainly go out for the evening.
but your mother in law didn't call you a bad mother like your title says. she seems to be communicating that she shouldn't be the one to get up with your screaming kids at 4am. and she is right. especially since she's doing you two big favors - letting you all live there and babysitting the kids so you can both go out. so she gets some slack here for being tired and grumpy.
you can stay out all night but your husband better be right on it is a kid fusses, and you need to make it clear to your babysitters nobody is coming home until 2am.
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from the comments…yeah. yta. well,
your husband is but i would say you kind of are too. you say that you guys sleep in the basement and don’t have a baby monitor. so the kids woke up your mil and your husband didn’t take care them.
you do deserve a day off, but not at your in laws expense. husband needed to step up here and it sounds like he failed.
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esh, but very softly. no one wants to wake up at 4am to a screaming child, especially if they arent your kid. i understand why the mother in law could be annoyed the next morning, especially if they had work in the morning.
however, i understand you wanted to have more human interaction after quarantine, the fire, and whatever issue is keeping you from working, it was probably a good relief. i also understand how annoying someone can be after 1-2 hours of sleep.
i think your kids are your responsibility, but your mil should try and be more understanding.
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info.
did your husband not take care of your toddler? in a comment you said that your children sleep upstairs and you sleep in the basement but you don't have a baby monitor, are the children waking up constantly and you and your husband are not taking care of it?
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nta. part of being a parent is giving your parent an ‘off night’ you had an extra 4 hours to catch up with a friend and still got up in time to check on your kids. your husband consented it was fine.
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esh... you live in your in-laws house. they all work, coming home at 6 am is disrespectful even if your husband is ok with that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
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NTA
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ESH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a little backstory, my family (husband 30, me 26, kids 2&3) lost our home in a fire 3 months ago, and are living with my in-laws. a few nights ago, my husband and i were at a party with close friends. when it got to be around 130am, my husband decided to go home, but said i could stay and come home later. as i haven't been able to work for health reasons, and everyone else in the household is working, i had not left the house in almost 2 months. we decided that as a couple, and he said it was fine i stayed out. my friend and i lost track of time watching movies, and i realized it was almost 6am. i rushed home immediately when i realized. i've never stayed out that long, but after months of no human contact besides two toddlers and my inlaws...i messed up. when i got home i went to poke my head into my kids room to check on them before getting getting an hour or two of sleep before they woke up. when i came out of the room, my mother and law came up to me and in a very upset tone, told me that my 2 year old had woken up at 4am screaming (which hasn't happened before ever so how could i have known?) and that she went looking for me to calm him down and i wasn't here. she literally said "he needed you and you weren't here!" my response was to say "his father was here, you could have gotten him, he knew i was staying out." and her response to that was to tell me that every other person in this house works right now and i don't, so i should be the one to deal with these things since i'll just be home with the two of them all day. i agree i have more responsibility right now with them, but again, how was i to know this had happened? i also mentioned that i'm not out of work by choice right now and she just kept saying "i know this is a difficult time, but this is ridiculous!" she came at me 3 more times that morning with the same energy, once in front of my husband who said nothing then. aita for going out, when it was so late? or for not being there for my kids? *edit for clarity* will be getting a baby monitor! great idea! mil is the one insisting we live here. she is almost too obsessed with the kids and doesn't really let us parent them while living here or let us have a say. we try to be in charge of them but it's tough bc its her house and fil says "grandma's house grandma's rules" so it feels like a fine line here to walk we do pay towards utilities, and feed ourselves. we don't even have a car (bc fire), we borrow my parents so hubby can work.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a little backstory, my family (husband 30, me 26, kids 2&3) lost our home in a fire 3 months ago, and are living with my in-laws. a few nights ago, my husband and i were at a party with close friends. when it got to be around 130am, my husband decided to go home, but said i could stay and come home later. as i haven't been able to work for health reasons, and everyone else in the household is working, i had not left the house in almost 2 months. we decided that as a couple, and he said it was fine i stayed out. my friend and i lost track of time watching movies, and i realized it was almost 6am. i rushed home immediately when i realized. i've never stayed out that long, but after months of no human contact besides two toddlers and my inlaws...i messed up. when i got home i went to poke my head into my kids room to check on them before getting getting an hour or two of sleep before they woke up. when i came out of the room, my mother and law came up to me and in a very upset tone, told me that my 2 year old had woken up at 4am screaming (which hasn't happened before ever so how could i have known?) and that she went looking for me to calm him down and i wasn't here. she literally said "he needed you and you weren't here!" my response was to say "his father was here, you could have gotten him, he knew i was staying out." and her response to that was to tell me that every other person in this house works right now and i don't, so i should be the one to deal with these things since i'll just be home with the two of them all day. i agree i have more responsibility right now with them, but again, how was i to know this had happened? i also mentioned that i'm not out of work by choice right now and she just kept saying "i know this is a difficult time, but this is ridiculous!" she came at me 3 more times that morning with the same energy, once in front of my husband who said nothing then. aita for going out, when it was so late? or for not being there for my kids? *edit for clarity* will be getting a baby monitor! great idea! mil is the one insisting we live here. she is almost too obsessed with the kids and doesn't really let us parent them while living here or let us have a say. we try to be in charge of them but it's tough bc its her house and fil says "grandma's house grandma's rules" so it feels like a fine line here to walk we do pay towards utilities, and feed ourselves. we don't even have a car (bc fire), we borrow my parents so hubby can work. [/INST] nta you went out for the first time in 2 months and lost track of time - watching movies, not bar hopping! your husband should have taken care of the toddler when/if he woke up. i'm more concerned that your husband didn't defend you when his mother went after you in front of him. i hope your house is repaired soon! hugs </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for my SILs fertility treatment?
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i (32m) am very wealthy. i sold my startup to a big company 10 years ago and invested my money well since. my wife (33f) and i have been together since high school. we have 5 kids (13f, 8f, twins 4m and 1f). we had our first baby young and were flat broke, unplanned, not ready etc. we made it work and luckily, i really succeeded financially afterwards. we made a deal back then that we would not have more kids unless we have the money to give them a nice life. we wanted a big family and since we have the money now, we were able to make our dream come true.
my wife's sister (46f) is single, childless and does okay financially, but is not rich. she wants a baby and the treatments to cause her fertility issues would be almost 100.000 dollars total. it's more than she can afford.
she asked us for the money a few weeks ago and my wife and i have been discussing it. she texts her or me every couple of days to "check on our deal".
yesterday the family way at our place for my 13yro's birthday and my sil just blurts out "you two were poor when you had her, why won't you help me have one now that you're rich?" i told her to please let it go right now and we will talk about it in private. she called me a selfish and entitled ah in front of both our families. i got angry and told her that now she is for sure not getting our money.
her family has been blowing up my phone, calling me an ah.
aita for not paying for her treatments, even though i could do it?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ugb93n/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_sils_fertility/
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2022-05-01 22:37:23
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nta. the irony of someone looking for a handout calling you entitled is… rich. no pun intended.
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nta. i feel bad for her because it probably pains her to see you with all your kids and she can’t even have one but it’s still not your responsibility to pay for it.
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nta where does it stop. if she feels entitled to the treatment, will she also expect you to pay for daycare, private school, a house in a better county, college? it sucks for her, but once you open the wallet you’ll be on the hook every time she has trouble.
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i think it’s weird that no one is bringing up the fact that this woman is 46. i feel like the success rate at that age is next to none. your money would very likely be wasted. regardless of her behavior, this would likely be futile.
nta
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nta-being unable to have a child when you want children is heartbreaking but it gives no one the right to be an entitled asshole.
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forgetting the money request, which is absolutely obsurd.
she's 46. by the time she has a baby she could be 47,. 48 or older
that baby will be so high risk of many many health problems and so will mom be. and with increased likelihood of major lifelong health problems or birth defects... comes increased cost. how is she going to cope with that?
she's going to be trying to retirement before her kid graduates.
all as a single.mother.
these things are challenging , not impossible, in isolation.
but together, these things you'd be supporting by paying for her ivf. as a child of older parents, please do not support this.
there's absolutely a reason why women rarely naturally have kids at that type of age
nta
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nta&#10;
&#10;
you are not responsible for personally paying for someone else's fertility treatments.
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nta - what's going to happen if it doesn't work out? is sil going to come to you every time it fails? what happens when the baby arrives and there's still no money? she is not entitled to your money.
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people amaze me with their boldness asking for other people's money. and then playing victim when the answer is "no."
nta.
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nta.
your money. and you are in the middle of discussing it. you didn't say no to her. she wouldn't stop pestering you about it. you told her youd talk privately but then she blows up on you during your child's birthday?
perhaps your reaction made you an asshole. but she was an asshole tenfold.
honestly... she can adopt. many kids need it anyways and if she's set on having a child then there's many a child that needs parents.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (32m) am very wealthy. i sold my startup to a big company 10 years ago and invested my money well since. my wife (33f) and i have been together since high school. we have 5 kids (13f, 8f, twins 4m and 1f). we had our first baby young and were flat broke, unplanned, not ready etc. we made it work and luckily, i really succeeded financially afterwards. we made a deal back then that we would not have more kids unless we have the money to give them a nice life. we wanted a big family and since we have the money now, we were able to make our dream come true. my wife's sister (46f) is single, childless and does okay financially, but is not rich. she wants a baby and the treatments to cause her fertility issues would be almost 100.000 dollars total. it's more than she can afford. she asked us for the money a few weeks ago and my wife and i have been discussing it. she texts her or me every couple of days to "check on our deal". yesterday the family way at our place for my 13yro's birthday and my sil just blurts out "you two were poor when you had her, why won't you help me have one now that you're rich?" i told her to please let it go right now and we will talk about it in private. she called me a selfish and entitled ah in front of both our families. i got angry and told her that now she is for sure not getting our money. her family has been blowing up my phone, calling me an ah. aita for not paying for her treatments, even though i could do it?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (32m) am very wealthy. i sold my startup to a big company 10 years ago and invested my money well since. my wife (33f) and i have been together since high school. we have 5 kids (13f, 8f, twins 4m and 1f). we had our first baby young and were flat broke, unplanned, not ready etc. we made it work and luckily, i really succeeded financially afterwards. we made a deal back then that we would not have more kids unless we have the money to give them a nice life. we wanted a big family and since we have the money now, we were able to make our dream come true. my wife's sister (46f) is single, childless and does okay financially, but is not rich. she wants a baby and the treatments to cause her fertility issues would be almost 100.000 dollars total. it's more than she can afford. she asked us for the money a few weeks ago and my wife and i have been discussing it. she texts her or me every couple of days to "check on our deal". yesterday the family way at our place for my 13yro's birthday and my sil just blurts out "you two were poor when you had her, why won't you help me have one now that you're rich?" i told her to please let it go right now and we will talk about it in private. she called me a selfish and entitled ah in front of both our families. i got angry and told her that now she is for sure not getting our money. her family has been blowing up my phone, calling me an ah. aita for not paying for her treatments, even though i could do it? [/INST] nta. the irony of someone looking for a handout calling you entitled is… rich. no pun intended. </s>
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AITA for embarrassing my dad on FB over his post about being a single dad?
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i’ve (m16) lived with my grandparents my whole life. my mom took off when i was a baby and haven’t seen her since. so my dad left me with his parents and they basically raised me. my dad was kind of around but not really
he’d sometimes come to take me to his house for the night every month, drop me off and be gone again.
as i kid i used to always ask him how come i can’t live with him and his reason was always because he works a lot. when i got older i sorta saw the truth which is he likes to live single life style. he’s had like a million girlfriends and that’s how i ended up with 4 other half sibs.
but u know they still live with their moms so we only get to hangout when it’s my dad’s custody time because he just leaves them at my grandparents and doesn’t hangout with any of us.
we’re all used to it by now but what’s annoying is to his girlfriends and friends he acts like he’s a hero for being a single dad. he talks about how hard it is. then brings me up specifically because my mom walked out so it’s like he cares for me full-time. i usually don’t say anything but it bothers me.
he made a fb post the other day. it was an older pic of him with me and my brothers the one time he took us to a soccer game 4 years ago. he was talking about “sacrifices” but it’s worth being a single dad. this made me mad and i commented “u haven’t even come to the house in like a month”
which is true haven’t seen him since a few days after thanksgiving. he deleted his post and got mad at me for embarrassing him. my dad said i was being disrespectful and i don’t know what it’s like to be a single dad providing for us so i don’t get to act that way.
he was really mad about it and after i thought about it for some time i guess it was petty to embarrass him by calling out his bs so i wanted to know if it was asshole-ish for doing it
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kq706m/aita_for_embarrassing_my_dad_on_fb_over_his_post/
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2021-01-04 11:34:48
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nta.
truth hurts i guess.
a once a month parent isn't as comparable to single parents whonhave their kids full time. he is only sacrificing one night a month to be with you.
though, a question does pop into mind, does he provide financial support to your grandparents for expenses? same goes with your half siblings,? i hope he is being financially supportive. also, does he celebrate holidays and birthdays with any of the kids?
but other than that, one night a month is quite isolating so you are right in calling him out. also, his post embarrasses itself since he used an old photo, guess he doesn't have anything more recent?
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nta being a father and being a dad are different things
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nta, it sounds like both of your parents abandoned you, just one of them sees you occasionally when it's convenient for him.
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>>my dad said i was being disrespectful and i don't know what it's like to be a single dad...
from the sounds of it, neither does he.
nta.
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nta and good for you. you spoke your truth which was a verifiable fact. he deleted it because he knows you’re right. it’s not your fault that the truth makes him look bad, it’s his.
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nta but your father certainly was for posting that on facebook. sure there could be more to it like he's working a lot to help his parents take care of you, but in the end he wasn't there for you and that is what being a parent is so yeah definitely not you, but him.
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this is tough but if he is really as absent as you say, nta.
he doesn't deserve the accolades (he is giving *himself*, no less) for something he isn't doing. it was petty, but his posting and patting himself on the back while neglecting his kids is damn tasteless and since *you* were the one used as a prop for likes, i say you do you.
i hope you can take this feeling and maybe write something out, figure your real feelings out about how your dad makes you feel and let him know now that this door is opened. he might just be a dick about it if his ego won't let him see how he has hurt his kids, but at least you'll have told him how you really feel.
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nta. your dad is mad because you corrected him, but he's the one who involved you so that's on him. he made you a part of his lie and you have every right to set the record straight. you aren't a prop, you are a person.
moral of the story: don't abandon your kids if you want credit for being a good parent.
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nta we like it wen people call out bs from shitheads.
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nta.
>after i thought about it for some time i guess it was petty to embarrass him by calling out his bs
right here, you are demonstrating that you are fully aware what he is doing is wrong. you know what he's doing is bs. and yet you're still worried you might be the a-hole. i want to make sure you're aware that the only reason you feel that way is because he used his position of authority over you to make you feel bad. you called out his lying, and he didn't like that, so he decided to act victimized and get all "how could you do such as thing to your own father."
you need to know that not only has he not sacrificed in being a single parent, he has outright failed at being a parent at all. you said it yourself, you've got multiple half siblings he's done this with. these circumstances you're in are not, in any way whatsoever, your fault. he created this situation. as the saying goes, he's played a stupid game, now he's winning stupid prizes.
all that said, you do need to be careful about how you go forward from here. as much as i want to tell you to keep calling out his crap, your family as a whole sounds very fragile, and throwing more stones could just ruin what little good you have in your life. talk with grandparents about all of this, as well as your siblings.
tbh, i'm a little disappointed to hear your grandparents have put up with him. it sounds like they just let him do whatever and then they take all the responsibility. they need to know that on top of all that, he's trying to claim credit for their hard work. it's high time they made him re-evaluate his life.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve (m16) lived with my grandparents my whole life. my mom took off when i was a baby and haven’t seen her since. so my dad left me with his parents and they basically raised me. my dad was kind of around but not really he’d sometimes come to take me to his house for the night every month, drop me off and be gone again. as i kid i used to always ask him how come i can’t live with him and his reason was always because he works a lot. when i got older i sorta saw the truth which is he likes to live single life style. he’s had like a million girlfriends and that’s how i ended up with 4 other half sibs. but u know they still live with their moms so we only get to hangout when it’s my dad’s custody time because he just leaves them at my grandparents and doesn’t hangout with any of us. we’re all used to it by now but what’s annoying is to his girlfriends and friends he acts like he’s a hero for being a single dad. he talks about how hard it is. then brings me up specifically because my mom walked out so it’s like he cares for me full-time. i usually don’t say anything but it bothers me. he made a fb post the other day. it was an older pic of him with me and my brothers the one time he took us to a soccer game 4 years ago. he was talking about “sacrifices” but it’s worth being a single dad. this made me mad and i commented “u haven’t even come to the house in like a month” which is true haven’t seen him since a few days after thanksgiving. he deleted his post and got mad at me for embarrassing him. my dad said i was being disrespectful and i don’t know what it’s like to be a single dad providing for us so i don’t get to act that way. he was really mad about it and after i thought about it for some time i guess it was petty to embarrass him by calling out his bs so i wanted to know if it was asshole-ish for doing it
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve (m16) lived with my grandparents my whole life. my mom took off when i was a baby and haven’t seen her since. so my dad left me with his parents and they basically raised me. my dad was kind of around but not really he’d sometimes come to take me to his house for the night every month, drop me off and be gone again. as i kid i used to always ask him how come i can’t live with him and his reason was always because he works a lot. when i got older i sorta saw the truth which is he likes to live single life style. he’s had like a million girlfriends and that’s how i ended up with 4 other half sibs. but u know they still live with their moms so we only get to hangout when it’s my dad’s custody time because he just leaves them at my grandparents and doesn’t hangout with any of us. we’re all used to it by now but what’s annoying is to his girlfriends and friends he acts like he’s a hero for being a single dad. he talks about how hard it is. then brings me up specifically because my mom walked out so it’s like he cares for me full-time. i usually don’t say anything but it bothers me. he made a fb post the other day. it was an older pic of him with me and my brothers the one time he took us to a soccer game 4 years ago. he was talking about “sacrifices” but it’s worth being a single dad. this made me mad and i commented “u haven’t even come to the house in like a month” which is true haven’t seen him since a few days after thanksgiving. he deleted his post and got mad at me for embarrassing him. my dad said i was being disrespectful and i don’t know what it’s like to be a single dad providing for us so i don’t get to act that way. he was really mad about it and after i thought about it for some time i guess it was petty to embarrass him by calling out his bs so i wanted to know if it was asshole-ish for doing it [/INST] nta. truth hurts i guess. a once a month parent isn't as comparable to single parents whonhave their kids full time. he is only sacrificing one night a month to be with you. though, a question does pop into mind, does he provide financial support to your grandparents for expenses? same goes with your half siblings,? i hope he is being financially supportive. also, does he celebrate holidays and birthdays with any of the kids? but other than that, one night a month is quite isolating so you are right in calling him out. also, his post embarrasses itself since he used an old photo, guess he doesn't have anything more recent? </s>
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AITA for refusing to go on a family trip if my cousin goes?
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ok a little context my(18f) cousin(18m) and i do not get along. i believe he’s rude, inconsiderate and just a bully.
me and him have never been close because he’s loud and rude whereas i like sitting quietly reading a book or playing a game with friend.
anyways my family had been planning a family vacation for a while to go on a trip out of state and i thought it was just me, my parents and my brothers. i got told yesterday that my cousin would be coming with us as well and we’d be sharing a hotel room. i’m against this for many reasons. the first being he like to bring girls back to the hotel room late at night and it keeps me awake. the second is that the last family trip he came on he hid most of my clothes and all my undergarments and laughed as i was panicking trying to find something to wear to a fancy dinner. the third reason is that he’s just hateful and like to make comments on my body and says things like “you’re so fat i don’t see how anyone would date you” “maybe if you actually put effort into your looks you find someone to date”
so when i found out he was coming i told my parents that if he’s going then i’m not and they can decide if their nephew is more important than their daughter.
so aita for refusing to go on a family trip if my cousin goes?
| 162 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v6lj58/aita_for_refusing_to_go_on_a_family_trip_if_my/
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2022-06-07 03:36:33
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nta, why your parents are thinking that it's even appropriate for you to share a room at your ages, let alone putting you in this position considering his past behaviour is beyond the pale.
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nta it’s completely inappropriate for a start to be forced to share a room with opposite sex if you don’t want to. they should protect you from your cousins behaviour. you won’t enjoy the trip so bowing out is fair enough
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nta.
just your cousin, not his parents? who all in one hotel room - just you and cousin? you with your brothers and cousin?
you have every right to refuse to share an experience with a bully. i don't think you should be forced out of your trip to accommodate the jerkass cousin. if your parents choose him over you, that is an ah move on their part - are they aware of the bullying and him bringing in girls for nighttime activities?
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your cousin handled your bras and underwear? he body shamed you. what’s wrong with your parents? if a non-related boy in school treated you this way they would most likely loose their shit, but it’s your cousin so it’s okay.
stand your ground. watch out for your “family” tricking you and saying your cousin isn’t going when he really is.
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nta - you have completely valid reasons for not wanting him to tag along this family vacation. it seems like he’s the only one outside your immediate family that is coming so it shouldn’t be an issue for your parents to tell him it’s just going to be you guys without him.
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nta.
>the second is that the last family trip he came on he hid most of my clothes and all my undergarments and laughed as i was panicking trying to find something to wear to a fancy dinner.
why the fuck do you parents think it's safe for him to be around you.
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nta yikes
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nta your cousin is a bully i don't understand why your parents would invite him if it was a family trip. dot they know what he had done and said to you?
stick to your guns about not going p, at the end of the day a holiday is supposed to be relaxing it seems to me it would be hell for you.
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nta. you have to share a room with this guy? who disrespects you and brings random girls to the room? i would stay home.
info: why are they taking him?
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok a little context my(18f) cousin(18m) and i do not get along. i believe he’s rude, inconsiderate and just a bully. me and him have never been close because he’s loud and rude whereas i like sitting quietly reading a book or playing a game with friend. anyways my family had been planning a family vacation for a while to go on a trip out of state and i thought it was just me, my parents and my brothers. i got told yesterday that my cousin would be coming with us as well and we’d be sharing a hotel room. i’m against this for many reasons. the first being he like to bring girls back to the hotel room late at night and it keeps me awake. the second is that the last family trip he came on he hid most of my clothes and all my undergarments and laughed as i was panicking trying to find something to wear to a fancy dinner. the third reason is that he’s just hateful and like to make comments on my body and says things like “you’re so fat i don’t see how anyone would date you” “maybe if you actually put effort into your looks you find someone to date” so when i found out he was coming i told my parents that if he’s going then i’m not and they can decide if their nephew is more important than their daughter. so aita for refusing to go on a family trip if my cousin goes?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok a little context my(18f) cousin(18m) and i do not get along. i believe he’s rude, inconsiderate and just a bully. me and him have never been close because he’s loud and rude whereas i like sitting quietly reading a book or playing a game with friend. anyways my family had been planning a family vacation for a while to go on a trip out of state and i thought it was just me, my parents and my brothers. i got told yesterday that my cousin would be coming with us as well and we’d be sharing a hotel room. i’m against this for many reasons. the first being he like to bring girls back to the hotel room late at night and it keeps me awake. the second is that the last family trip he came on he hid most of my clothes and all my undergarments and laughed as i was panicking trying to find something to wear to a fancy dinner. the third reason is that he’s just hateful and like to make comments on my body and says things like “you’re so fat i don’t see how anyone would date you” “maybe if you actually put effort into your looks you find someone to date” so when i found out he was coming i told my parents that if he’s going then i’m not and they can decide if their nephew is more important than their daughter. so aita for refusing to go on a family trip if my cousin goes? [/INST] nta, why your parents are thinking that it's even appropriate for you to share a room at your ages, let alone putting you in this position considering his past behaviour is beyond the pale. </s>
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AITA For treating my half siblings differently?
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my mom and biodad were never in a relationship and my mom got pregnant with me from a one night stand. my biodad didn't totally fuck off, but he ended up marrying one of my mom's friends since they were in the same social circle, and they very much had their life and my mom had hers.
my mom ended up moving in with her best friend who took care of me a lot when she was a single parent. they lived together as friends for a while with him taking care of me while she worked, and eventually fell in love, got married, yada yada, and had my brother and sister. i was raised with them at my mom's and my stepdad who had been there since i was a baby has always treated me exactly like my siblings. he is my dad.
my biodad isn't a bad guy and wasn't totally absent from my life but i just don't really see him as my dad dad. he had a baby with his wife who is the same age as my sister, who yeah, is my half sister but i barely ever saw her growing up. mostly my biodad came to me, or took me out, and going over to his place was always really awkward for me because i felt very much like an outsider.
the problem is: when people ask me about my siblings, i say my brother and sister. i feel bad about it, but i barely know my dad's daughter. my sister and i shared a room. i held my brother when he was born. my biodad's daughter i didn't even meet until she was a toddler.
recently, my biodad and i were talking and it came out that i don't really think of his daughter as my sister and i definitely don't think of his wife as my stepmother. i refrained from saying my stepdad is my real dad, but my biodad was really upset.
aita? should i have made more of an effort? my biodad also said my halfsister didn't like being an only child and would still feels sad about having no relationship with me.
| 509 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dwnas3/aita_for_treating_my_half_siblings_differently/
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2019-11-15 07:26:50
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nta. you can't invent feelings you don't have. your dad's the asshole for expecting you to have feelings for people when he didn't put forth the effort to ensure that you spent time with these people in order for any feelings to develop in the first place.
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nta
this is a convoluted mess of your parents’ making. it isn’t the children’s responsibility to make sure they have a relationship with family members and see them regularly.
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nta.
this was your biodad's responsibility to fix, not yours. he could have taken you to vacations, family reunions, made an effort to put you in same hobbies. he didn't.
>my biodad also said my halfsister didn't like being an only child and would still feels sad about having no relationship with me.
yeah, no. why would that be suddenly a thing? it sounds like your biodad suddenly woke up that his kids are grown and he hasn't done jack shit so he's trying to put in some effort now.
that said, it's 100% your biodad's responsibility to take care of. he can put in the effort to figuring out how to make his kids closer if he so chooses. there are ways but it is not your job.
also, you're not treating your stepsis differently, you're treating her exactly like you would a stranger, which she is.
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nta. you're entitled to how you feel and if it hurt your dad, then what can you do? there's clearly no relationship there with your step-family and if your dad wanted there to be, he could have put more effort earlier. it's never too late to build a relationship with someone, so you can think of this conversation as a chance to make more effort with your step sister if you'd like. but in regards to your dad's feelings, you can't help but feel what you feel, so i don't think to sugarcoat a situation like that would be beneficial to you or your dad.
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nah
i have a half sister and brother ( we have the same dad, different moms) and we weren't raised together. i don't feel like they're really my siblings, especially because my bio dad cheated on my mom while they were married, with their mom, so they're not supposed to exist. they try to hang out when they're in my area, and i do stuff with them to be polite, but i just have no desire to really spend time with them. i feel bad because it's not their fault, but it is what it is.
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honestly op this is real tricky but i’m gonna go nah (except for your bio dad)
it’s reasonable that your half sister wants a relationship but it’s also reasonable that you don’t feel you can provide one - you barely know her and don’t seem to really want to. which is fine!
it seems like your dad is so gung-ho about it because if you and your half-sister were super close it would kind of validate that choice to have that family, or it would minimise the harm he did to your relationship. if you and your half sister were close you’d be a family and your dad could kinda be part of that.
or maybe i’m just reading into it.
(probably that)
anyway you’re not an asshole for not feeling a familial bond with a girl you don’t know. good luck x
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nta you didn't grow up with your half sibling. that's not your fault
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info: how old are you? your half sisters and your brother?
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | 0.022097 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom and biodad were never in a relationship and my mom got pregnant with me from a one night stand. my biodad didn't totally fuck off, but he ended up marrying one of my mom's friends since they were in the same social circle, and they very much had their life and my mom had hers. my mom ended up moving in with her best friend who took care of me a lot when she was a single parent. they lived together as friends for a while with him taking care of me while she worked, and eventually fell in love, got married, yada yada, and had my brother and sister. i was raised with them at my mom's and my stepdad who had been there since i was a baby has always treated me exactly like my siblings. he is my dad. my biodad isn't a bad guy and wasn't totally absent from my life but i just don't really see him as my dad dad. he had a baby with his wife who is the same age as my sister, who yeah, is my half sister but i barely ever saw her growing up. mostly my biodad came to me, or took me out, and going over to his place was always really awkward for me because i felt very much like an outsider. the problem is: when people ask me about my siblings, i say my brother and sister. i feel bad about it, but i barely know my dad's daughter. my sister and i shared a room. i held my brother when he was born. my biodad's daughter i didn't even meet until she was a toddler. recently, my biodad and i were talking and it came out that i don't really think of his daughter as my sister and i definitely don't think of his wife as my stepmother. i refrained from saying my stepdad is my real dad, but my biodad was really upset. aita? should i have made more of an effort? my biodad also said my halfsister didn't like being an only child and would still feels sad about having no relationship with me.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom and biodad were never in a relationship and my mom got pregnant with me from a one night stand. my biodad didn't totally fuck off, but he ended up marrying one of my mom's friends since they were in the same social circle, and they very much had their life and my mom had hers. my mom ended up moving in with her best friend who took care of me a lot when she was a single parent. they lived together as friends for a while with him taking care of me while she worked, and eventually fell in love, got married, yada yada, and had my brother and sister. i was raised with them at my mom's and my stepdad who had been there since i was a baby has always treated me exactly like my siblings. he is my dad. my biodad isn't a bad guy and wasn't totally absent from my life but i just don't really see him as my dad dad. he had a baby with his wife who is the same age as my sister, who yeah, is my half sister but i barely ever saw her growing up. mostly my biodad came to me, or took me out, and going over to his place was always really awkward for me because i felt very much like an outsider. the problem is: when people ask me about my siblings, i say my brother and sister. i feel bad about it, but i barely know my dad's daughter. my sister and i shared a room. i held my brother when he was born. my biodad's daughter i didn't even meet until she was a toddler. recently, my biodad and i were talking and it came out that i don't really think of his daughter as my sister and i definitely don't think of his wife as my stepmother. i refrained from saying my stepdad is my real dad, but my biodad was really upset. aita? should i have made more of an effort? my biodad also said my halfsister didn't like being an only child and would still feels sad about having no relationship with me. [/INST] nta. you can't invent feelings you don't have. your dad's the asshole for expecting you to have feelings for people when he didn't put forth the effort to ensure that you spent time with these people in order for any feelings to develop in the first place. </s>
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AITA for saying something to my mother in law?
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i have been a bigger person all of my life. recently though i went from weighing 275 pounds to 192. i worked my ass off and i’m still a while away from where i want to be. however from a size 20 to a size 12, is something i’ve never been able to achieve but i finally did it.
i also recently got married to the love of my life. we had a beautiful wedding and i wore a beautiful size 14 dress that i had to have altered down to a 12.
today i got on facebook and saw my mother in law commenting on a post about a woman who was looking for a size 24 wedding dress for cheap. my mil commented that her son just got married and his wife had to have wore a size 24 and she would see if she could get it for her for cheap. first of all, i’m not selling my dress. second of all, i called her out that i actually wear a size 12 and i’m not selling my dress. my husband said that i’m an asshole for pointing that out. however, she is always saying stuff about my weight, even though i have worked so hard to get where i am.
| 3,415 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/duiapv/aita_for_saying_something_to_my_mother_in_law/
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2019-11-10 22:08:07
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nta and your husband had better start supporting you now
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nta. your mother in law is out of line to say you might sell your wedding dress without discussing it with you first and for commenting on your weight. your husband sucks for not telling her to knock it off.
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nta - i find it hard to believe she didn't intentionally got your size wrong, there is just too much of a difference between size 24 and 12 for her to be that far of the mark. and then offering your dress to a stranger looking for a cheap dress? at best that is just really callous so your husband should understand why you'd respond to that.
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nta your husband is for not standing up for you & his mother definitely is.
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nta
your husband and your mil are!
your mil shouldn't have broadcasted to an unwanted audience what she assumed your clothing size was, let alone name who the person she was recommending was. she could have privately come to you, made you aware of the person looking for a dress and asked if you were interested.
your husband on the other hand should have understood she was causing you grief by mentioning your weight all the time and had a private conversation asking her to retract her comments and refrain from commenting further.
weight loss is such a personal thing, and props to you for such a great achievement. don't let other peoples comments reflect on that though, you have come so far and only need to prove to yourself that you can and will achieve so much more!
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nta. r/justnoso and r/justnomil
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[removed]
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nta. why is your husband ok with your mom offering your wedding dress to someone? he should be sticking up for you.
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info what were you exact words?
cause if you say to her.. oh my dress was size 12 not 24 and i’m also not selling it. i don’t see why your husband would call you an asshole unless you said something rude? or your husband is an asshole...
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nta mil needs to mind her business about your weight. congratulations by the way! that’s hard work.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been a bigger person all of my life. recently though i went from weighing 275 pounds to 192. i worked my ass off and i’m still a while away from where i want to be. however from a size 20 to a size 12, is something i’ve never been able to achieve but i finally did it. i also recently got married to the love of my life. we had a beautiful wedding and i wore a beautiful size 14 dress that i had to have altered down to a 12. today i got on facebook and saw my mother in law commenting on a post about a woman who was looking for a size 24 wedding dress for cheap. my mil commented that her son just got married and his wife had to have wore a size 24 and she would see if she could get it for her for cheap. first of all, i’m not selling my dress. second of all, i called her out that i actually wear a size 12 and i’m not selling my dress. my husband said that i’m an asshole for pointing that out. however, she is always saying stuff about my weight, even though i have worked so hard to get where i am.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have been a bigger person all of my life. recently though i went from weighing 275 pounds to 192. i worked my ass off and i’m still a while away from where i want to be. however from a size 20 to a size 12, is something i’ve never been able to achieve but i finally did it. i also recently got married to the love of my life. we had a beautiful wedding and i wore a beautiful size 14 dress that i had to have altered down to a 12. today i got on facebook and saw my mother in law commenting on a post about a woman who was looking for a size 24 wedding dress for cheap. my mil commented that her son just got married and his wife had to have wore a size 24 and she would see if she could get it for her for cheap. first of all, i’m not selling my dress. second of all, i called her out that i actually wear a size 12 and i’m not selling my dress. my husband said that i’m an asshole for pointing that out. however, she is always saying stuff about my weight, even though i have worked so hard to get where i am. [/INST] nta and your husband had better start supporting you now </s>
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AITA for telling my siblings their parents did them a disservice by raising them in an all white town?
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i was adopted at a very young age and i have a lot of other siblings who were adopted by a few different families. we are black, and three of my siblings were adopted by a white family. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and people who adopt children who need homes are amazing. but there are major differences in raising a child who is not your same race, basic things like hair, and stuff, and i think it’s important for children to understand their own history regardless of who adopted them. it’s literally a part of your identity.
they moved my siblings from a city with a lot of people who look like them to a city with no other black people except for them.my siblings parents are open about how they view black people in a very negative light in general. they have said things like “well if blacks were more educated” and “well if blacks weren’t criminals” just outrageous blanket statements like that.
it infuriates me and i’ve asked them how they think that makes my siblings feel as “blacks” and my siblings actually got involved and told me they feel fine because they weren’t raised like “blacks” and that i only have a problem with how they think because i’m a racist. i understand that a lot of this isn’t their fault because of how they were raised but i also feel like they should have enough common sense at 18 and 21 years old to understand why it’s wrong. i told them that their parents did them an absolute disservice by raising them in the town they did and with the values they carry. now my other siblings are saying i should apologize but i refused. i am not sorry. so am i ta?
| 213 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q46xsi/aita_for_telling_my_siblings_their_parents_did/
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2021-10-08 21:10:54
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nta for calling their parents racist because they are.
esh for thinking all black people need to be raised a certain way. i've seen some pretty strong sentiment lately that black people who get typical "white people education and white people jobs" are not black enough and don't be in the black community because "they identify with white privilege". that is a extremely racist and self defeating view.
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nta. i was adopted and raised in a white family/neighborhood and i totally understand the concerns you have. i wasn't really around people who looked like me until college, and the feeling of racial/cultural isolation that preceded that was very real.
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nta and your siblings raised in a white environment are going to have a helluva wake up call throughout their lives whenever they leave the adoptive families' bubbles.
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nta
i’m white and i can’t imagine how badly it has to screw with a person’s head to be raised as “one of the ‘good’ black people.”
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oh dear. nta, and i hope your siblings figure out how racist their upbringing is without hurting you or anyone else.
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nta. you don't need to apologize. their parents taught them to be self-hating black people by perpetuating ignorant racist stereotype like black people are criminals and that black people are uneducated. we are not a monolith and you are not a racist for pointing out blatantly racist comments. however, i wouldn't waste your energy arguing with your siblings. they are young and sheltered. hopefully at some point they will venture out into the rest of the world and be exposed to variety of people from different cultures and races.
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nta. you came to the wrong place for a discussion like this. most of the people on reddit do not have the cultural competency for this situation. that will not stop them from giving their opinions, though. it will take your siblings time to recognize the racism they have been taught and have internalized.
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nta- i'm white and i totally agree with this. it's very sad they've basically been taught this and not been taught the rich culture they come from.
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nta
sounds like your siblings got raised by racists parents, which is likely worse than the town would have been on its own.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was adopted at a very young age and i have a lot of other siblings who were adopted by a few different families. we are black, and three of my siblings were adopted by a white family. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and people who adopt children who need homes are amazing. but there are major differences in raising a child who is not your same race, basic things like hair, and stuff, and i think it’s important for children to understand their own history regardless of who adopted them. it’s literally a part of your identity. they moved my siblings from a city with a lot of people who look like them to a city with no other black people except for them.my siblings parents are open about how they view black people in a very negative light in general. they have said things like “well if blacks were more educated” and “well if blacks weren’t criminals” just outrageous blanket statements like that. it infuriates me and i’ve asked them how they think that makes my siblings feel as “blacks” and my siblings actually got involved and told me they feel fine because they weren’t raised like “blacks” and that i only have a problem with how they think because i’m a racist. i understand that a lot of this isn’t their fault because of how they were raised but i also feel like they should have enough common sense at 18 and 21 years old to understand why it’s wrong. i told them that their parents did them an absolute disservice by raising them in the town they did and with the values they carry. now my other siblings are saying i should apologize but i refused. i am not sorry. so am i ta?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was adopted at a very young age and i have a lot of other siblings who were adopted by a few different families. we are black, and three of my siblings were adopted by a white family. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and people who adopt children who need homes are amazing. but there are major differences in raising a child who is not your same race, basic things like hair, and stuff, and i think it’s important for children to understand their own history regardless of who adopted them. it’s literally a part of your identity. they moved my siblings from a city with a lot of people who look like them to a city with no other black people except for them.my siblings parents are open about how they view black people in a very negative light in general. they have said things like “well if blacks were more educated” and “well if blacks weren’t criminals” just outrageous blanket statements like that. it infuriates me and i’ve asked them how they think that makes my siblings feel as “blacks” and my siblings actually got involved and told me they feel fine because they weren’t raised like “blacks” and that i only have a problem with how they think because i’m a racist. i understand that a lot of this isn’t their fault because of how they were raised but i also feel like they should have enough common sense at 18 and 21 years old to understand why it’s wrong. i told them that their parents did them an absolute disservice by raising them in the town they did and with the values they carry. now my other siblings are saying i should apologize but i refused. i am not sorry. so am i ta? [/INST] nta for calling their parents racist because they are. esh for thinking all black people need to be raised a certain way. i've seen some pretty strong sentiment lately that black people who get typical "white people education and white people jobs" are not black enough and don't be in the black community because "they identify with white privilege". that is a extremely racist and self defeating view. </s>
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AITA for giving my brothers girlfriend a place to stay in secret from him?
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my older brother nick has always been a little troubled but a few years ago he met a girl i'll call mia who seemed to get him on the straight and narrow.
i met up with mia for dinner recently to catch up. she seemed anxious and upset and after a while she opened up about how nick was getting really jealous and controlling and was jeopardizing her ability to finish college.
having issues with her living in an apartment where she could be having other men over. having issues with her being in study groups and classes with mostly men in her engineering degree. he even contacted some of her professors behind her back because he did not want her on group projects with men.
my advice to her is that her education is the most important thing right now. that she should focus on her upcoming senior year even if that means making it a priority over her relationship.
she said she was worried she wouldn't be able to do that without angering him, he'd shown up unexpected and angry a few times to her apartment and when she had to deal with him until he had calmed down she was missing deadlines.
she admitted she felt like she didn't want to be with him anymore but she was scared of what would happen if she broke up with him. he's paying for some of her school costs and she doesn't have family support. plus he wouldn't take it well, she thought, and she wouldn't feel comfortable staying in her apartment.
i told her that she could stay with me, for senior year. pay me below market rent and use the savings to cover other expenses. the only thing i'd ask is that she doesn't tell nick where she is living or that she's still going to the same college, or anything like that. because i didn't want to deal with the drama of having him show up at my house with a bone to pick.
she agreed and moved in as a roommate. she lost his number and locked down her social media, switched jobs and told her professors to not answer his emails, and all that. but then my mom came to visit unannounced and saw an amazon package in the driveway addressed to mia. she found out i was roommates with her now and had helped her "disappear" on nick. she was really upset with me because family comes first and nick had been spiralling after his girlfriend ghosted him with no explanation. and that it was terrible of me to help her leave him without even a breakup or explaining.
i said that he was hurting her chances of finishing college and i felt like that was more important than a boyfriend. hadn't she always told me to focus on my school and career and not get sidetracked by boys? if she knew that was what was best for her own daughter couldn't she want the same for someone else's daughter?
she said i was twisting her words, there is a difference between focusing on school and ending a relationship that was headed towards engagement with only a message saying to leave her alone.
aita for helping my brother's girlfriend leave him quietly?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oyo30v/aita_for_giving_my_brothers_girlfriend_a_place_to/
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2021-08-05 18:05:59
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nta, but lets say what you did: *help her escape an abus!ve relationship*
your brother is controlling to the point she doesn't feel safe leaving him. the ah here, apart obviously from your brother, is your mom, whose golden child can do no wrong: if she was like this every time he did something wrong growing up, it is probably the reason he is like this towards women.
make sure your mom undestands how bad it is and does not tell him she is there, and if possible help the poor girl organize a plan b, in case he found ut and posed a threat to her.
good job helping the girl but this is far more serious than a gelous college bf
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nta you need to get her away from him. your brother is controlling and abusive. he called her professor to say she can't be in any groups with men. that's insane. marrying your brother would be the biggest mistake of her life. but it's also not right that she is staying with him so he will pay for her school.
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nta, and the response to your mother was absolutely on the money. she just didn't like it when her double standard was called out.
sorry to say this but your brother was being controlling and emotionally abusive.
good on you for saving her from having to deal with potential further abuse and helping her to finish her degree.
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nta. the hero. so many people side with the abuser because the abuser is the member of their family. you believed her and gave mia a safe place to stay and a way to finish her degree.
unfortunately, it probably isn't safe for her anymore, because your mom is definitely going to tell him where she is.
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nta. your brother is an abuser. your mum is enabling that abuse (heading towards engagement when she’s scared of his reactions? *really*????)
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nta and your brother needs help. would your mom be cool with a guy contacting your professors to make sure you aren't allowed to be in groups with men?? i'm surprised her professors didn't refer her to campus counseling.
it sounds like you've been a good friend and have your priorities in life straight.
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nta for giving her a place to stay and helping her out. it's unfortunate that your mom found out and that she might no longer have a safe space to stay and finish school.
your brother nick is a massive asshole and controlling prick if he's emailing professors and telling them she can't work with men. that's absolutely ridiculous. what's gonna happen when she gets her first big girl job? is he gonna email her boss and tell the boss she can't work with male coworker? he likely would and this poor girl wouldn't have much of a career with him around. plus, showing up unannounced and getting in her way of finishing school are two other massive red flags.
the only thing mia should have done differently is break up with him and tell him it's over, even if it was over text given how volatile he is. then she could have retreated to your apartment and moved on.
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nta
women don't ghost people like that for no reason.
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nta by a long shot! what you did or rather wanted to do was great! ...however sometimes you need to see the extent of how much you can help vs how you want to help. you wanted to provide a safe supportive environment for mia, but you can't do that as long as you're letting your (toxic or enabling?) family come visit
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nta
your brother was being an abusive as agile and mia should have absolutely left him.
your mom needs a reality check.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my older brother nick has always been a little troubled but a few years ago he met a girl i'll call mia who seemed to get him on the straight and narrow. i met up with mia for dinner recently to catch up. she seemed anxious and upset and after a while she opened up about how nick was getting really jealous and controlling and was jeopardizing her ability to finish college. having issues with her living in an apartment where she could be having other men over. having issues with her being in study groups and classes with mostly men in her engineering degree. he even contacted some of her professors behind her back because he did not want her on group projects with men. my advice to her is that her education is the most important thing right now. that she should focus on her upcoming senior year even if that means making it a priority over her relationship. she said she was worried she wouldn't be able to do that without angering him, he'd shown up unexpected and angry a few times to her apartment and when she had to deal with him until he had calmed down she was missing deadlines. she admitted she felt like she didn't want to be with him anymore but she was scared of what would happen if she broke up with him. he's paying for some of her school costs and she doesn't have family support. plus he wouldn't take it well, she thought, and she wouldn't feel comfortable staying in her apartment. i told her that she could stay with me, for senior year. pay me below market rent and use the savings to cover other expenses. the only thing i'd ask is that she doesn't tell nick where she is living or that she's still going to the same college, or anything like that. because i didn't want to deal with the drama of having him show up at my house with a bone to pick. she agreed and moved in as a roommate. she lost his number and locked down her social media, switched jobs and told her professors to not answer his emails, and all that. but then my mom came to visit unannounced and saw an amazon package in the driveway addressed to mia. she found out i was roommates with her now and had helped her "disappear" on nick. she was really upset with me because family comes first and nick had been spiralling after his girlfriend ghosted him with no explanation. and that it was terrible of me to help her leave him without even a breakup or explaining. i said that he was hurting her chances of finishing college and i felt like that was more important than a boyfriend. hadn't she always told me to focus on my school and career and not get sidetracked by boys? if she knew that was what was best for her own daughter couldn't she want the same for someone else's daughter? she said i was twisting her words, there is a difference between focusing on school and ending a relationship that was headed towards engagement with only a message saying to leave her alone. aita for helping my brother's girlfriend leave him quietly?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my older brother nick has always been a little troubled but a few years ago he met a girl i'll call mia who seemed to get him on the straight and narrow. i met up with mia for dinner recently to catch up. she seemed anxious and upset and after a while she opened up about how nick was getting really jealous and controlling and was jeopardizing her ability to finish college. having issues with her living in an apartment where she could be having other men over. having issues with her being in study groups and classes with mostly men in her engineering degree. he even contacted some of her professors behind her back because he did not want her on group projects with men. my advice to her is that her education is the most important thing right now. that she should focus on her upcoming senior year even if that means making it a priority over her relationship. she said she was worried she wouldn't be able to do that without angering him, he'd shown up unexpected and angry a few times to her apartment and when she had to deal with him until he had calmed down she was missing deadlines. she admitted she felt like she didn't want to be with him anymore but she was scared of what would happen if she broke up with him. he's paying for some of her school costs and she doesn't have family support. plus he wouldn't take it well, she thought, and she wouldn't feel comfortable staying in her apartment. i told her that she could stay with me, for senior year. pay me below market rent and use the savings to cover other expenses. the only thing i'd ask is that she doesn't tell nick where she is living or that she's still going to the same college, or anything like that. because i didn't want to deal with the drama of having him show up at my house with a bone to pick. she agreed and moved in as a roommate. she lost his number and locked down her social media, switched jobs and told her professors to not answer his emails, and all that. but then my mom came to visit unannounced and saw an amazon package in the driveway addressed to mia. she found out i was roommates with her now and had helped her "disappear" on nick. she was really upset with me because family comes first and nick had been spiralling after his girlfriend ghosted him with no explanation. and that it was terrible of me to help her leave him without even a breakup or explaining. i said that he was hurting her chances of finishing college and i felt like that was more important than a boyfriend. hadn't she always told me to focus on my school and career and not get sidetracked by boys? if she knew that was what was best for her own daughter couldn't she want the same for someone else's daughter? she said i was twisting her words, there is a difference between focusing on school and ending a relationship that was headed towards engagement with only a message saying to leave her alone. aita for helping my brother's girlfriend leave him quietly? [/INST] nta, but lets say what you did: *help her escape an abus!ve relationship* your brother is controlling to the point she doesn't feel safe leaving him. the ah here, apart obviously from your brother, is your mom, whose golden child can do no wrong: if she was like this every time he did something wrong growing up, it is probably the reason he is like this towards women. make sure your mom undestands how bad it is and does not tell him she is there, and if possible help the poor girl organize a plan b, in case he found ut and posed a threat to her. good job helping the girl but this is far more serious than a gelous college bf </s>
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Aita for not making making my fiance dinner?
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i work third shift. my fiance didnt work for 7 years due to a back injury. weve been together for 2. he finally went back to work last may. he does security work, mostly from a desk. up until 2 months ago it was 7pm to 7 am friday saturday and sunday and occassionally shifts during the week. now hes with a company that he goes from place to place as needed. he got home yesterday at 3pm and woke me up asking me to make dinner. i dont remember this and my roommates say i more or less growled at him. i do remember him waking me at 7 and 9pm asking me to make dinner. i normally dont get up until 10 to get ready for work. so i go to the kitchen to make dinner and turns out my roommate made dinner, enough for everyone. it's not common, but not unheard of either. we usually just cook for us and him and his wife cook for themselves. i was pissed off at my fiance. roommate made dinner at 6pm. it was a cheesy chicken rice dish stretched with pasta. hes a chef so it was pretty good, if a little starchy. i made myself a plate and sat down on the couch and my fiance asked "so, what are you making for dinner?" i flipped. my exact words were "there is dinner on the stove, you have legs, i am not a short order cook or your mother!" he hasn't really spoken to or even touched me since.
also, times being what they are, we have other foods in the house. it just needs to be made.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/flzo65/aita_for_not_making_making_my_fiance_dinner/
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2020-03-20 18:08:57
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nta, wtf is his deal? and you plan to marry him? better rethink that.
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nta. waking you multiple times in the middle of your night is beyond inconsiderate. i am actually stunned you were as nice as you were when you found out there was cooked food available for him. i predict this is going to get locked as a breakup thread.
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nta he's a grown ass man he can cook for himself
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info: is your fiance not capable of putting a frozen pizza in the oven for himself?
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nta and this is a warning flag for you. clearly he sees you as his kitchen service.
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nta. you're on different shifts. it is unacceptable for him to expect you to wake up and make him dinner. he is a grown man who two functioning arms and, i assume, the capability to read instructions. he can make his own food.
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nta
if my husband woke me up to ask me to make him a meal i’d laugh in his face. this isn’t 1950. it’s not my job to make him dinner just like it’s not his job to pay all my bills.
you’re absolutely correct that you’re not your fiancé’s cook or his mother, and it’s not your job to feed this grown ass man dinner.
he clearly thinks it’s your job though, so i would reevaluate if he’s really husband material. he’s a grown ass adult, if he’s not capable of making his own meals, he’s certainly not ready to get married.
you say this is a one off, so it’s worth sitting him down for a serious discussion about why he thought waking you up to cook for him, when you had to work that night, was acceptable. especially when other food was available, especially when he’s an adult who knows where the kitchen is. i don’t understand what was going through his head.
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nta. 🚩🚩 is he always like this? because if he is, are you sure you want to vow til death do us part to this treatment?
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nta. grown man can make his own dinner
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nta so for me, this would be like asking me to make food right after i went to sleep/as i was getting ready for bed, then again waking me up at 1am then again at 3am. that is something a sick child does (better be actually sick too) not a grown man. working nights does not mean you don’t deserve sleep.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work third shift. my fiance didnt work for 7 years due to a back injury. weve been together for 2. he finally went back to work last may. he does security work, mostly from a desk. up until 2 months ago it was 7pm to 7 am friday saturday and sunday and occassionally shifts during the week. now hes with a company that he goes from place to place as needed. he got home yesterday at 3pm and woke me up asking me to make dinner. i dont remember this and my roommates say i more or less growled at him. i do remember him waking me at 7 and 9pm asking me to make dinner. i normally dont get up until 10 to get ready for work. so i go to the kitchen to make dinner and turns out my roommate made dinner, enough for everyone. it's not common, but not unheard of either. we usually just cook for us and him and his wife cook for themselves. i was pissed off at my fiance. roommate made dinner at 6pm. it was a cheesy chicken rice dish stretched with pasta. hes a chef so it was pretty good, if a little starchy. i made myself a plate and sat down on the couch and my fiance asked "so, what are you making for dinner?" i flipped. my exact words were "there is dinner on the stove, you have legs, i am not a short order cook or your mother!" he hasn't really spoken to or even touched me since. also, times being what they are, we have other foods in the house. it just needs to be made.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work third shift. my fiance didnt work for 7 years due to a back injury. weve been together for 2. he finally went back to work last may. he does security work, mostly from a desk. up until 2 months ago it was 7pm to 7 am friday saturday and sunday and occassionally shifts during the week. now hes with a company that he goes from place to place as needed. he got home yesterday at 3pm and woke me up asking me to make dinner. i dont remember this and my roommates say i more or less growled at him. i do remember him waking me at 7 and 9pm asking me to make dinner. i normally dont get up until 10 to get ready for work. so i go to the kitchen to make dinner and turns out my roommate made dinner, enough for everyone. it's not common, but not unheard of either. we usually just cook for us and him and his wife cook for themselves. i was pissed off at my fiance. roommate made dinner at 6pm. it was a cheesy chicken rice dish stretched with pasta. hes a chef so it was pretty good, if a little starchy. i made myself a plate and sat down on the couch and my fiance asked "so, what are you making for dinner?" i flipped. my exact words were "there is dinner on the stove, you have legs, i am not a short order cook or your mother!" he hasn't really spoken to or even touched me since. also, times being what they are, we have other foods in the house. it just needs to be made. [/INST] nta, wtf is his deal? and you plan to marry him? better rethink that. </s>
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AITA for telling my (23m) gf (23f) it's not her friends' responsibility to support her small business?
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my gf recently started doing vintage clothing curating as a side hustle, she started on instagram and a couple months ago was invited into a shop, so does fri-sun selling at the shop. she'll be doing it until july when the block the shop is in gets torn down to make apartments.
we both work full time in the tech industry (her in sales, me in consulting). she really likes doing it and i'm really supportive of it, i go into the shop to hang out whenever i have time in the day on weekends and when she has a piece i like, i insist on buying clothes off her for the posted value (even though she tries to give it to me for free or at cost). it caused some issues in our relationship, the fact that she is booked every weekend until july and we both work 9-5 mon-fri means we haven't seen each other in the daytime in months. she spends about 35 hrs/week on the side hustle (fri-sun + time aquiring clothes) and makes between $-30 and $200 per week.
since she started, she has been getting saltier and saltier about our mutual friend group not coming into the shop to buy stuff or hang out with her. whenever i talk about wanting to hang out with them after covid she just says "they're fake friends, i'm honestly over them. if they can't take time to come support my business then i can't make time to hang out with them" which is really shitty because i actually really like that friend group i started to get really frustrated with her when she started being passive aggressive to me about not coming into her shop to hang out with her enough. usually i would drop by if i had a day off to say hi and hang out for like 20 minutes, but i'm really active and outdoorsy - usually on weekends i'm skiing, climbing, surfing, hiking, snorkelling, whatever, i like to get outside and do stuff. i'm also really involved in co-curriculars at my school and have pro-bono client projects to work on on weekends. so i felt it was fair if i come in when i can to say hi, maybe i'm being unsupportive? idk.
i eventually snapped one day when she had just found out she lost money on the weekend so was going on and on about how people say they support local but don't actually, how they're fake etc. i said "well it's not your friends responsibility to make sure that your business is profitable, they have no obligation to help you" or something like that. she got really quiet and hasn't been talking about her business as much anymore. i know she was mad about it, but i was just so tired of hearing her shit talk our friends when i don't think they did anything wrong.
tldr: gf is mad at our mutual friend group that they don't support her small business enough, and that her small businesses isn't that profitable. i told her it's not their responsibility to make her business profitable and she was angry.
i might be the asshole because she is just trying to run a side hustle and i essentially told her that only her friends are supporting it and it's not their responsibility to make it profitable.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lilhld/aita_for_telling_my_23m_gf_23f_its_not_her/
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2021-02-12 21:40:41
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nta.
i don't think she was ready to face the harsh reality of being an entrepreneur. i cant agree with your gf when she says her friends are fake for not supporting her business. . maybe she should reevaluate what the term support means. it doesn't always have to me monetary or show a physical presence. also, i'm sure they have their reasons and it would do her well to see pass her bubble. personally, i have about 10 or so family and friends that have a "side business" and i would literally go broke if i had to support every one of them.
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nta. your girlfriend is extremely selfish for wanting other people to support her lifestyle at their expense, just for her convenience. her friends have no obligation to effectively transfer money to her just to keep her inefficient and noncompetitive glorified hobby horse afloat because she doesn't want to support herself exclusively through her real job.
if your 'business' can only stay afloat because of the charity of your friends, then it's not a real business. it's one thing to get a small loan from family or friends for a struggling business, but another if your business model is to rely on them and them alone, rather than real customers, for patronage. even the 'hang out with me at my shop', is a rather entitled claim on other people's time.
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nta. she literally wants people to pay for the privilege of being her friend. does she pay her friends to spend time with them?
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nta, also, your girlfriend sucks for literally gentrifying _thrifting._ i know it's popular these days, but ahs like your girlfriend are the reason poor people have literally zero chance to pick up something decent-looking at goodwill. i am _dead broke_ and goodwill is how i looked presentable for my job and interviews.
sounds more like a shopping addiction disguised as a hustle.
also, she must not be that good at "curating" if she's making that little money, or she's severely overpricing the merchandise - and why is she paying rent on space for a failing business during a pandemic? if she's determined to make money off being a gentrifier, she can move her sales online.
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nta
you’re totally right. maybe you didn’t need to snap but your sentiments are fair.
i have a friend who started a clothing business a couple of years ago. some of her pieces are gorgeous and some are the most horrendous things i’ve ever seen. i’ve spent a fair amount of money with her business, even on some custom stuff that she messed up and i just held my tongue. i’m so sick of her saying that friends who don’t buy her pieces are “fake” and “users”
i’ve seen a post on instagram that talks about supporting small business by sharing, liking and talking about the business. have your friends supported her in these non-financial ways? also, maybe they do want to hang out but don’t want to feel obligated to spend money at the shop. has she thought about reaching out to get them to hang out at night? or is she only expecting them to see her at the shop?
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nta.
running a business is way harder than getting your friends to buy your stuff. what she’s describing is a mlm, which is definitely not a business.
she can succeed but she’s got to market, find her target audience and advertise to them. it’s a lot of hard work and why many small business never can quite make it off the ground.
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nta.
if her friends are capable of making or breaking her business by spending funds there, she's not doing it right. she might as well be running her own little mlm product page at that point. she's got a hobby, not a business. the sooner she realizes it, the better.
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nta. anyone who has a successful business didn't become successful by relying on friends to buy things. unless you're opening something like a grocery store or another essential product, people just can't always afford to buy random things. especially random things they don't want, or can't use. she's in a niche market and needs to find a way to reach the people interested. not try and get the people she's friends with interested.
i own a pet supplies store. i have 1 aunt that shops with me,and my grandparents and parents. i have a ton of family in the area with pets. i don't get pissy they don't shop with me. i don't need their sales to keep my doors open. would it be nice, yeah, but it is what it is. and i would never expect someone who doesn't have a pet to buy from me even if we were super close.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf recently started doing vintage clothing curating as a side hustle, she started on instagram and a couple months ago was invited into a shop, so does fri-sun selling at the shop. she'll be doing it until july when the block the shop is in gets torn down to make apartments. we both work full time in the tech industry (her in sales, me in consulting). she really likes doing it and i'm really supportive of it, i go into the shop to hang out whenever i have time in the day on weekends and when she has a piece i like, i insist on buying clothes off her for the posted value (even though she tries to give it to me for free or at cost). it caused some issues in our relationship, the fact that she is booked every weekend until july and we both work 9-5 mon-fri means we haven't seen each other in the daytime in months. she spends about 35 hrs/week on the side hustle (fri-sun + time aquiring clothes) and makes between $-30 and $200 per week. since she started, she has been getting saltier and saltier about our mutual friend group not coming into the shop to buy stuff or hang out with her. whenever i talk about wanting to hang out with them after covid she just says "they're fake friends, i'm honestly over them. if they can't take time to come support my business then i can't make time to hang out with them" which is really shitty because i actually really like that friend group i started to get really frustrated with her when she started being passive aggressive to me about not coming into her shop to hang out with her enough. usually i would drop by if i had a day off to say hi and hang out for like 20 minutes, but i'm really active and outdoorsy - usually on weekends i'm skiing, climbing, surfing, hiking, snorkelling, whatever, i like to get outside and do stuff. i'm also really involved in co-curriculars at my school and have pro-bono client projects to work on on weekends. so i felt it was fair if i come in when i can to say hi, maybe i'm being unsupportive? idk. i eventually snapped one day when she had just found out she lost money on the weekend so was going on and on about how people say they support local but don't actually, how they're fake etc. i said "well it's not your friends responsibility to make sure that your business is profitable, they have no obligation to help you" or something like that. she got really quiet and hasn't been talking about her business as much anymore. i know she was mad about it, but i was just so tired of hearing her shit talk our friends when i don't think they did anything wrong. tldr: gf is mad at our mutual friend group that they don't support her small business enough, and that her small businesses isn't that profitable. i told her it's not their responsibility to make her business profitable and she was angry. i might be the asshole because she is just trying to run a side hustle and i essentially told her that only her friends are supporting it and it's not their responsibility to make it profitable.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my gf recently started doing vintage clothing curating as a side hustle, she started on instagram and a couple months ago was invited into a shop, so does fri-sun selling at the shop. she'll be doing it until july when the block the shop is in gets torn down to make apartments. we both work full time in the tech industry (her in sales, me in consulting). she really likes doing it and i'm really supportive of it, i go into the shop to hang out whenever i have time in the day on weekends and when she has a piece i like, i insist on buying clothes off her for the posted value (even though she tries to give it to me for free or at cost). it caused some issues in our relationship, the fact that she is booked every weekend until july and we both work 9-5 mon-fri means we haven't seen each other in the daytime in months. she spends about 35 hrs/week on the side hustle (fri-sun + time aquiring clothes) and makes between $-30 and $200 per week. since she started, she has been getting saltier and saltier about our mutual friend group not coming into the shop to buy stuff or hang out with her. whenever i talk about wanting to hang out with them after covid she just says "they're fake friends, i'm honestly over them. if they can't take time to come support my business then i can't make time to hang out with them" which is really shitty because i actually really like that friend group i started to get really frustrated with her when she started being passive aggressive to me about not coming into her shop to hang out with her enough. usually i would drop by if i had a day off to say hi and hang out for like 20 minutes, but i'm really active and outdoorsy - usually on weekends i'm skiing, climbing, surfing, hiking, snorkelling, whatever, i like to get outside and do stuff. i'm also really involved in co-curriculars at my school and have pro-bono client projects to work on on weekends. so i felt it was fair if i come in when i can to say hi, maybe i'm being unsupportive? idk. i eventually snapped one day when she had just found out she lost money on the weekend so was going on and on about how people say they support local but don't actually, how they're fake etc. i said "well it's not your friends responsibility to make sure that your business is profitable, they have no obligation to help you" or something like that. she got really quiet and hasn't been talking about her business as much anymore. i know she was mad about it, but i was just so tired of hearing her shit talk our friends when i don't think they did anything wrong. tldr: gf is mad at our mutual friend group that they don't support her small business enough, and that her small businesses isn't that profitable. i told her it's not their responsibility to make her business profitable and she was angry. i might be the asshole because she is just trying to run a side hustle and i essentially told her that only her friends are supporting it and it's not their responsibility to make it profitable. [/INST] nta. i don't think she was ready to face the harsh reality of being an entrepreneur. i cant agree with your gf when she says her friends are fake for not supporting her business. . maybe she should reevaluate what the term support means. it doesn't always have to me monetary or show a physical presence. also, i'm sure they have their reasons and it would do her well to see pass her bubble. personally, i have about 10 or so family and friends that have a "side business" and i would literally go broke if i had to support every one of them. </s>
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AITA for not letting a lady go in front of me at the checkout?
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i'm new to reddit and posting here, so hopefully i'm doing this right.
i didn't think i was ta in this situation, but the other lady sure seemed to think i was, so now i'm not sure if i was or not.
i (40f) was doing some grocery shopping today. i have several children so it was a reasonably decent size shop (though not as big as my normal weekly shop). i had just about finished putting all my groceries on the conveyer belt when a lady (50s - 60sf) lined up behind me. i glanced at her to see how much shopping she had, because usually if someone behind me only has a couple of items i will let them go in front of me. this lady had a whole basket full so i didn't say anything and finished loading my last few items.
even though she had a smaller shop than me, i didn't let her through for several reasons:
1. she would need to load her stuff on the conveyer belt (as it was more than one or two items) and my stuff was already there. her alternative would have been to hand each item individually to the cashier from her basket.
2. i was conscious of it being close to school pick up time and i had already waited in line behind someone else with a full load, so i did not want to also wait for this lady. if it had been one or two items, i wouldn't have minded, but not a basket full. obviously she had no way of knowing i was wanting to get through quickly.
the reason i'm wondering if i'm ta is because when it became obvious i was not going to let her go ahead of me, she scathingly said to me, "well you can rot in hell, then."
so aita for not letting her go ahead of me?
| 397 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ylpuv6/aita_for_not_letting_a_lady_go_in_front_of_me_at/
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2022-11-04 05:29:12
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nta, she will be in hell first! who cares!
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nta
other lady sounds entitled, tbh.
but nobody deserves ro cut in line just because they have a smaller load, and nobody should expect it.
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nta ....
1. she had a basket full
2. your stuff was on the belt
3. it's a courtesy not a requirement
maybe she had a bad day .... or she's the ah.
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not the asshole. it's not your fault that you've got a crazy lady behind you in line. it's fucked up that she said that to you. you sound like a totally reasonable person.
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nta there is no rule requiring people with more groceries to let someone with fewer go first.
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nta. she had a whole basket. if you let her go, surely you'd need to let the next person with less items go too? and the next and the next and the next.. where does it end?
also the nerve of her! i assume she actually believes in god and hell and to condemn you to an eternity of suffering for not letting her go first with her whole basket.. christianity and its kindness strikes again.
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uh yeah, easily nta.
i'd have had some really choice words back for her.
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nta, and the audacity of her entitlement!
letting someone go ahead is a kindness, not a right.
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nta. i hate when people with a few items purposefully line up behind me, even though there are other checkouts open, because they just expect me to let them go first. it happened to me today - i was halfway through unloading my cart and this woman lined up behind me and as soon as i made eye contact i could see she expected me to let her go first. she had fewer items than me but not by many. i kept unloading and she gave that put-upon sigh with an eye roll. lady, you're the one who chose this line, deal with it.
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nta. she sounds unstable. there are a lot of ahs in the grocery store but you aren’t one of them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm new to reddit and posting here, so hopefully i'm doing this right. i didn't think i was ta in this situation, but the other lady sure seemed to think i was, so now i'm not sure if i was or not. i (40f) was doing some grocery shopping today. i have several children so it was a reasonably decent size shop (though not as big as my normal weekly shop). i had just about finished putting all my groceries on the conveyer belt when a lady (50s - 60sf) lined up behind me. i glanced at her to see how much shopping she had, because usually if someone behind me only has a couple of items i will let them go in front of me. this lady had a whole basket full so i didn't say anything and finished loading my last few items. even though she had a smaller shop than me, i didn't let her through for several reasons: 1. she would need to load her stuff on the conveyer belt (as it was more than one or two items) and my stuff was already there. her alternative would have been to hand each item individually to the cashier from her basket. 2. i was conscious of it being close to school pick up time and i had already waited in line behind someone else with a full load, so i did not want to also wait for this lady. if it had been one or two items, i wouldn't have minded, but not a basket full. obviously she had no way of knowing i was wanting to get through quickly. the reason i'm wondering if i'm ta is because when it became obvious i was not going to let her go ahead of me, she scathingly said to me, "well you can rot in hell, then." so aita for not letting her go ahead of me?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm new to reddit and posting here, so hopefully i'm doing this right. i didn't think i was ta in this situation, but the other lady sure seemed to think i was, so now i'm not sure if i was or not. i (40f) was doing some grocery shopping today. i have several children so it was a reasonably decent size shop (though not as big as my normal weekly shop). i had just about finished putting all my groceries on the conveyer belt when a lady (50s - 60sf) lined up behind me. i glanced at her to see how much shopping she had, because usually if someone behind me only has a couple of items i will let them go in front of me. this lady had a whole basket full so i didn't say anything and finished loading my last few items. even though she had a smaller shop than me, i didn't let her through for several reasons: 1. she would need to load her stuff on the conveyer belt (as it was more than one or two items) and my stuff was already there. her alternative would have been to hand each item individually to the cashier from her basket. 2. i was conscious of it being close to school pick up time and i had already waited in line behind someone else with a full load, so i did not want to also wait for this lady. if it had been one or two items, i wouldn't have minded, but not a basket full. obviously she had no way of knowing i was wanting to get through quickly. the reason i'm wondering if i'm ta is because when it became obvious i was not going to let her go ahead of me, she scathingly said to me, "well you can rot in hell, then." so aita for not letting her go ahead of me? [/INST] nta, she will be in hell first! who cares! </s>
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AITA for not wanting to share my snacks with my coworker(s) anymore?
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i like to bring snacks to work almost everyday to munch on in the afternoon. i usually bring some chips,cookies,popcorn, mix trail etc, basically snacks that i can eat throughout a period of time. my coworkers has noticed my habit of bringing snacks to work and would eat some,which i don't mind at first. however, it has gotten worse because i noticed that i've been spending more on my snacks,while actually eat less because they always eat their "share". now, i don't mind sharing of course but there are times when i kinda want to eat it all by myself. yesterday, i was eating my snack when a coworker started to put his hand inside my bag of chips. i was not in the mood to share so told him "you can't have any". somehow that makes him mad saying "you're so stingy", "it's just a bag of chips" etc. that makes me mad so i replied "you're the stingy one, if you like to eat so much you should bring your own". i said that because i know he and a few others never bring anything to share with and yet always eating mine. i know it sounds petty and stupid but the way he and the others telling me i was the bad one cause i don't want to share is making me so upset.
so, am i the asshole?
| 2,921 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j4di4s/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_snacks_with_my/
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2020-10-03 10:23:36
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nta.
honestly with the pandemic it isn't great for someone to be sticking their hand in a bag of chips that you are eating either way. you don't know when they last washed their hands, etc. i know that's not the point but still.
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[deleted]
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i had a co-worker like this once. it was so painful.
instead of holding onto resentment and then snapping, probably just tell everyone, “hey guys, i’m going to stop providing snacks for everyone now as i can no longer afford it.” i’m not faulting you for snapping, because i’m like that too - i get more and more resentful and then bite someone’s head off eventually, instead of just being upfront when it is starting to bug me.
but they are absolutely 100% rude in their expectations. they never even offer to buy any of the snacks one week. they’re stingy af.
you’re nta.
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nta. stop sharing your snacks as of now, embrace the title of mean ol' stingy, and feel perfectly fine in doing so. you're under no obligation to feed the office and those snacks cost money. don't get defensive about it and just shrug when they whine. 'not my problem if you don't bring a snack, dude. there's a convenience store right down the street.'
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this might be just me, but if anyone comes to me and complains, this person is not sharing, i would ask them, and what did you bring to share? i also never like entitle people. people should never assume that the brought snacks was for sharing. nta.
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nta. if your co-workers want snacks, then they should bring their own. you are not obliged to take care of their catering.
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nta. tell them to get their own snacks
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nta. tell your coworkers that if they each give you $5 (or some amount you deem reasonable), you will buy snacks for all and put them in a central location. if they don't contribute, cut them off.
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[deleted]
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nta. and ewwww!! who the hell walks up and sticks their dirty, germy hand into a bag of food that you’re eating??!!!! during a pandemic???!!!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i like to bring snacks to work almost everyday to munch on in the afternoon. i usually bring some chips,cookies,popcorn, mix trail etc, basically snacks that i can eat throughout a period of time. my coworkers has noticed my habit of bringing snacks to work and would eat some,which i don't mind at first. however, it has gotten worse because i noticed that i've been spending more on my snacks,while actually eat less because they always eat their "share". now, i don't mind sharing of course but there are times when i kinda want to eat it all by myself. yesterday, i was eating my snack when a coworker started to put his hand inside my bag of chips. i was not in the mood to share so told him "you can't have any". somehow that makes him mad saying "you're so stingy", "it's just a bag of chips" etc. that makes me mad so i replied "you're the stingy one, if you like to eat so much you should bring your own". i said that because i know he and a few others never bring anything to share with and yet always eating mine. i know it sounds petty and stupid but the way he and the others telling me i was the bad one cause i don't want to share is making me so upset. so, am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i like to bring snacks to work almost everyday to munch on in the afternoon. i usually bring some chips,cookies,popcorn, mix trail etc, basically snacks that i can eat throughout a period of time. my coworkers has noticed my habit of bringing snacks to work and would eat some,which i don't mind at first. however, it has gotten worse because i noticed that i've been spending more on my snacks,while actually eat less because they always eat their "share". now, i don't mind sharing of course but there are times when i kinda want to eat it all by myself. yesterday, i was eating my snack when a coworker started to put his hand inside my bag of chips. i was not in the mood to share so told him "you can't have any". somehow that makes him mad saying "you're so stingy", "it's just a bag of chips" etc. that makes me mad so i replied "you're the stingy one, if you like to eat so much you should bring your own". i said that because i know he and a few others never bring anything to share with and yet always eating mine. i know it sounds petty and stupid but the way he and the others telling me i was the bad one cause i don't want to share is making me so upset. so, am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. honestly with the pandemic it isn't great for someone to be sticking their hand in a bag of chips that you are eating either way. you don't know when they last washed their hands, etc. i know that's not the point but still. </s>
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AITA for taking my son to a concert instead of my wife?
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so me (45m) and my wife (46f) both love this small indie band that's kinda local, however due to their size they don't really have any large-ish scale concerts, however i found out they were opening for this other band, so i got us tickets, i thought worst case scenario, if we hate the main band we can just go out to dinner after the opener. i surprised my wife we the tickets and she loved the idea.
we both decided to give a listen to the music if the main band to see if it was something we would stick around for or if i should reserve a table nearby. it wasn't really my kind of music and my wife flat out hated it, so i thought dinner it was. however my wife started acting weird whenever it came up, she couldn't give me a straight answer on where she wanted to eat, if she wanted to drink (so if she was i wouldn't be drinking so i could drive) until she just told me that she couldn't go since something with work had come up. part of me thought she just didn't want to go anymore, but i didn't argue and just decided i would sell the tickets.
im not that good with computers and stuff so i asked my son (17m) to help me resell the tickets. he agreed, grabbed his laptop and pulled up a few sites, then he saw the tickets. he started gushing and freaking out, he loved the main band, and had no idea they were performing here. seeing how hyped he was, and since while it wasn't my thing i didn't hate the music, i asked if he wanted to go. of course he said yes.
when my wife found out she was upset, apparently she wanted me to sort something else for us to do that night instead of the concert. i reminded her that she said some work thing came up, she admitted to me that she had lied because she wanted me to sell the tickets, then once i had was gonna tell me that the work thing had sorted itself out and that we should do something else that night. i told her ill plan something for us to do soon, but that i was going to the concert with our son.
she started yelling at me that she never gets anything nice and she was so happy when i had decided to treat her but now im flushing it all away for him when this was supposed to be about her. there is no special date, its not our anniversary or anything so i don't understand why we cant do something another weekend. she's really mad at me and is being kinda cold to our son over this, i thought it was stupid but now im not sure, so aita?
| 3,764 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1x6a4/aita_for_taking_my_son_to_a_concert_instead_of_my/
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2022-07-18 11:40:01
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nta. she is playing a weird game with you that i don't really understand. if she wanted to skip the concert and just go to a nice restaurant or something she should have been upfront with you. enjoy your concert with your son and do something with your wife another day.
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nta
maybe next time she won't lie to get out of doing something seeing as it bit her in the ass here.
she doesn't get to be mad after she misled you too believe she was working when she wasn't. she doesn't get to be upset when she lied about it.
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nta. you went by the lie she told you.
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nta. i dnt get why she lied. why not just ask you to sell the damn tickets, and still plan a nice night out? it wasn’t that serious. i’d just let her be upset. she caused this unnecessary nonsense instead of just properly communicating with you. i dnt get it.
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nta. sounds like you’re wife (and maybe you with her) should go to some counseling and work on learning how to better communicate. she attempted to manipulate the situation instead of just being honest with her partner about how she was feeling and she reaped the consequences.
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nta. she should have been honest with you from the start.
besides, you're taking your son who loves the band. it's not like you're taking some other woman.
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nta.
so your wife lied to you, refused to answer direct questions, and said she was busy, but now this exact day is the most important day ever for a date.
you should be clear with your wife:
1. you didn't want to go to the show and would not directly answer questions about other plans.
2. you lied to me and said you were now busy that night
3. you are now upset that i have made plans for that night.
4. do you realize how ridiculous and manipulative that sounds?
go to the concert with your son- what an amazing opportunity to bond! tell your wife that if she in any way ruins this for your son (like complaining), it is gonna be a real problem. then tell her when she is ready to be an adult and make plans together like a normal human, you are happy to open the calendar and pick a date.
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nta, she manipulated you and lied making up an excuse for you to sell the tickets. your son was excited, you liked the opener and he liked the headliner.. win/win. next time maybe your wife can be honest instead of manipulative. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. now you have the chance to make some father/son memories.
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is this representative of your usual communication? because going to all the effort of lying about having work & then becoming free again instead of just saying "can we do something else this night" is a crazy choice. especially being cold to your son. is it really that infrequently that you go on dates that's made your wife react like this?
nta this whole situation has been blown up unnecessarily
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nta. is she always like this? lying to your spouse and playing head games like this is rather toxic. why can’t she just tell you she didn’t want to go? she sounds like a royal pain in the @$$. i assume she has redeeming qualities?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so me (45m) and my wife (46f) both love this small indie band that's kinda local, however due to their size they don't really have any large-ish scale concerts, however i found out they were opening for this other band, so i got us tickets, i thought worst case scenario, if we hate the main band we can just go out to dinner after the opener. i surprised my wife we the tickets and she loved the idea. we both decided to give a listen to the music if the main band to see if it was something we would stick around for or if i should reserve a table nearby. it wasn't really my kind of music and my wife flat out hated it, so i thought dinner it was. however my wife started acting weird whenever it came up, she couldn't give me a straight answer on where she wanted to eat, if she wanted to drink (so if she was i wouldn't be drinking so i could drive) until she just told me that she couldn't go since something with work had come up. part of me thought she just didn't want to go anymore, but i didn't argue and just decided i would sell the tickets. im not that good with computers and stuff so i asked my son (17m) to help me resell the tickets. he agreed, grabbed his laptop and pulled up a few sites, then he saw the tickets. he started gushing and freaking out, he loved the main band, and had no idea they were performing here. seeing how hyped he was, and since while it wasn't my thing i didn't hate the music, i asked if he wanted to go. of course he said yes. when my wife found out she was upset, apparently she wanted me to sort something else for us to do that night instead of the concert. i reminded her that she said some work thing came up, she admitted to me that she had lied because she wanted me to sell the tickets, then once i had was gonna tell me that the work thing had sorted itself out and that we should do something else that night. i told her ill plan something for us to do soon, but that i was going to the concert with our son. she started yelling at me that she never gets anything nice and she was so happy when i had decided to treat her but now im flushing it all away for him when this was supposed to be about her. there is no special date, its not our anniversary or anything so i don't understand why we cant do something another weekend. she's really mad at me and is being kinda cold to our son over this, i thought it was stupid but now im not sure, so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so me (45m) and my wife (46f) both love this small indie band that's kinda local, however due to their size they don't really have any large-ish scale concerts, however i found out they were opening for this other band, so i got us tickets, i thought worst case scenario, if we hate the main band we can just go out to dinner after the opener. i surprised my wife we the tickets and she loved the idea. we both decided to give a listen to the music if the main band to see if it was something we would stick around for or if i should reserve a table nearby. it wasn't really my kind of music and my wife flat out hated it, so i thought dinner it was. however my wife started acting weird whenever it came up, she couldn't give me a straight answer on where she wanted to eat, if she wanted to drink (so if she was i wouldn't be drinking so i could drive) until she just told me that she couldn't go since something with work had come up. part of me thought she just didn't want to go anymore, but i didn't argue and just decided i would sell the tickets. im not that good with computers and stuff so i asked my son (17m) to help me resell the tickets. he agreed, grabbed his laptop and pulled up a few sites, then he saw the tickets. he started gushing and freaking out, he loved the main band, and had no idea they were performing here. seeing how hyped he was, and since while it wasn't my thing i didn't hate the music, i asked if he wanted to go. of course he said yes. when my wife found out she was upset, apparently she wanted me to sort something else for us to do that night instead of the concert. i reminded her that she said some work thing came up, she admitted to me that she had lied because she wanted me to sell the tickets, then once i had was gonna tell me that the work thing had sorted itself out and that we should do something else that night. i told her ill plan something for us to do soon, but that i was going to the concert with our son. she started yelling at me that she never gets anything nice and she was so happy when i had decided to treat her but now im flushing it all away for him when this was supposed to be about her. there is no special date, its not our anniversary or anything so i don't understand why we cant do something another weekend. she's really mad at me and is being kinda cold to our son over this, i thought it was stupid but now im not sure, so aita? [/INST] nta. she is playing a weird game with you that i don't really understand. if she wanted to skip the concert and just go to a nice restaurant or something she should have been upfront with you. enjoy your concert with your son and do something with your wife another day. </s>
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AITA for not letting my brother and SIL move in?
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i(34m) and my wife(36f) got married in may. we found out that she is pregnant and decided to move from our small apartment into a house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. it's enough space for the kids and for us. we also have a small house in the back that has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. my wife's plan is to have her parents live there temporarily to help with the kids. i get along great with her parents and have no issue with this.
my brother and i used to be extremely close when we were teenagers. when he met sil and i met my wife, i could tell there was some tension between the two of them. most of the family dislikes sil as she is very controlling and manipulative. my wife told me that she used to attend the same high school as sil and she bullied my wife until she transferred schools. i was heartbroken hearing the news and promised my wife that i would not put her in any uncomfortable situations. my brother and i's relationship slowly dropped and now we hardly speak to one another.
my parents are heartbroken that brother and i are not close. my mother called to let me know that brother and sil's house was getting repaired and needed a place to stay for 5-7 months. i let my wife know what was going on and she still felt strongly about not being around sil. i told my mother that brother and sil could not move in. my father reached out and tried to convince me to re-consider. i stood my ground and told him no. brother did reach out through social media wanting to talk and rebuilding a relationship. i haven't responded back to my brother and do not plan on it. other family members are posting on social media calling me a horrible brother for not helping family.
&#x200b;
aita for not letting my brother and sil move in?
| 1,024 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pt89d2/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_and_sil_move_in/
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2021-09-22 14:06:09
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nta. even if you all got along great, having extra people living with you while you’re settling into a new house and *your wife is pregnant* sounds incredibly stressful. just because you have the physical space doesn’t mean you have the emotional space. add into the mix that you aren’t close and your wife *actively does not like* your sil, you would be ta to your wife if you moved them in.
why don’t your parents take them in?
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nta-
your own family doesn't like the woman who bullied your wife.
remind them of this.
btw- you and your brother can have a relationship of your own without your wives. it's kinda normal
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nta. if you love your wife, you shouldn’t be putting her into a justifiably uncomfortable situation for a half year.
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nta, no should force your wife to be uncomfortable in her own home. the family wants you to do this so they don't have to put up with sil for that long time. your brother only seems to want to repair the relationship when he needs something nit before. also good on op for not only putting wife first but for also asking wife's opinion on family matters and taking her opinion in as well as your own (it's very rare to see that on reddit)
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this is a hill to die on! you should not be forced to accommodate a bully with a well developed track record. if you give in now, sil will walk over you and your family forever. hell no! tell your family members, who are spouting nonsense, to take them in themselves or stfu!
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nah. look, if you want a relationship with just your brother then do that. who says your wives have to get along too. make the effort to hang with him and if he can’t do that then make diatance.
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nta. you are not obligated to take anyone in, especially since your brother’s and sil’s situation is not an emergency.
in addition, you are completely correct not to expose your wife to someone who put her through hell when she was younger. as someone who was the target of bullies all through school, i can completely understand her position.
besides, it seems like sil hasn’t changed that much, since she is still manipulative, which is reason enough not to let her stay with you, even without her history with your wife.
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nta .. it would only open a new can of worms !!! your wife doesn't need that kind of stress while pregnant, plus 5 to 7 months your in laws will need to be there by then. your parents can invite them to stay with them .
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nta. it's horrible that your family wants to dump this on you. your family knows sil is difficult, and it almost sounds like they're trying to guilt you so they don't have to deal with it. besides, having so many people living around an infant at this time is just unsafe. has anyone in your family considered that?
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nta. this is an especially vulnerable time for your wife since she's pregnant. exposing her to her previous bully will cause major fluctuations in her emotions which is good for nobody and is dangerous.
letting them move in is a no-no but personally i think it's a pity if you and your brother stops talking entirely since you had a close relationship previously. perhaps reaching out to him personally and explaining (only if you want to) would be good for both of you? i understand you say you don't want to even though he reached out, and it's fully up to you. ultimately it's the most important to let your family feel safe.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(34m) and my wife(36f) got married in may. we found out that she is pregnant and decided to move from our small apartment into a house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. it's enough space for the kids and for us. we also have a small house in the back that has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. my wife's plan is to have her parents live there temporarily to help with the kids. i get along great with her parents and have no issue with this. my brother and i used to be extremely close when we were teenagers. when he met sil and i met my wife, i could tell there was some tension between the two of them. most of the family dislikes sil as she is very controlling and manipulative. my wife told me that she used to attend the same high school as sil and she bullied my wife until she transferred schools. i was heartbroken hearing the news and promised my wife that i would not put her in any uncomfortable situations. my brother and i's relationship slowly dropped and now we hardly speak to one another. my parents are heartbroken that brother and i are not close. my mother called to let me know that brother and sil's house was getting repaired and needed a place to stay for 5-7 months. i let my wife know what was going on and she still felt strongly about not being around sil. i told my mother that brother and sil could not move in. my father reached out and tried to convince me to re-consider. i stood my ground and told him no. brother did reach out through social media wanting to talk and rebuilding a relationship. i haven't responded back to my brother and do not plan on it. other family members are posting on social media calling me a horrible brother for not helping family. &#x200b; aita for not letting my brother and sil move in?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(34m) and my wife(36f) got married in may. we found out that she is pregnant and decided to move from our small apartment into a house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. it's enough space for the kids and for us. we also have a small house in the back that has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. my wife's plan is to have her parents live there temporarily to help with the kids. i get along great with her parents and have no issue with this. my brother and i used to be extremely close when we were teenagers. when he met sil and i met my wife, i could tell there was some tension between the two of them. most of the family dislikes sil as she is very controlling and manipulative. my wife told me that she used to attend the same high school as sil and she bullied my wife until she transferred schools. i was heartbroken hearing the news and promised my wife that i would not put her in any uncomfortable situations. my brother and i's relationship slowly dropped and now we hardly speak to one another. my parents are heartbroken that brother and i are not close. my mother called to let me know that brother and sil's house was getting repaired and needed a place to stay for 5-7 months. i let my wife know what was going on and she still felt strongly about not being around sil. i told my mother that brother and sil could not move in. my father reached out and tried to convince me to re-consider. i stood my ground and told him no. brother did reach out through social media wanting to talk and rebuilding a relationship. i haven't responded back to my brother and do not plan on it. other family members are posting on social media calling me a horrible brother for not helping family. &#x200b; aita for not letting my brother and sil move in? [/INST] nta. even if you all got along great, having extra people living with you while you’re settling into a new house and *your wife is pregnant* sounds incredibly stressful. just because you have the physical space doesn’t mean you have the emotional space. add into the mix that you aren’t close and your wife *actively does not like* your sil, you would be ta to your wife if you moved them in. why don’t your parents take them in? </s>
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AITA for wanting my sisters in law to stop
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am i the asshole for wanting the entertainment at my wedding cut short. backstory. i am getting married tomorrow to my amazing fiancé who i love. we planned this wedding pretty quickly but it finally seemed like it was all coming together. we’ve had a lot of ups and downs planning this wedding because we have very different views on a lot of things like i wanted a smaller wedding as it’s just our civil ceremony and then have a bigger party for a religious one in a different country and i just wanted a small one simple one here. or somehow it snowballed out of control and now we have way more people than we thought because my fiancé‘s family is huge and he can’t say no to people especially if they’re helping him out monetarily. well into this it’s two days before my wedding and the tents are finally being set up as it’s a backyard wedding. somehow someone drives through the tents ripping one in half and now there’s not another tent to replace it to go along with what i had planned so of course i was upset and then i found out that my sisters in law planned a surprise. mind you i am not a huge person who likes to be surprised especially not on my wedding which i have planned diligently on all the details. so they finally tell us that the surprise was four hours of entertainment from a mexican group there is no way in the aesthetic that i wanted this wedding. i asked for formal attire for this wedding because i wanted to be dressed up and now we’re supposed to have entertainment from a group with dressing and cowboy hats and jeans and other cowboy things that i know we wanted to have at my wedding. but apparently now to my parents and his sisters i am being a jerk and not being grateful to them for what they’re giving me when i in no way asked for them to do this. and mind you that i had an entire plan for music because i like a lot of different music in spanish as well as in english and i have friends that i wanna dance english music with this for hours now cuts into all of it. we already have a dj and now this group is going to take over that dj time which i would prefer over the group. so am i the asshole for wanting to get them to completely get rid of them or to always cut it down to half the time so i could get time to dance with my friends and the dj?
| 561 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqiz4b/aita_for_wanting_my_sisters_in_law_to_stop/
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2021-09-18 08:58:04
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nta. this is your special day, and decisions about large details such as venue, food, and music lie between you and your future husband, not your family. although i'm sure it was done in good faith, it was in poor taste for them to bring in the obligation of this having this group play, especially when you already made prior arrangements for music.
good luck on your special day!
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first, nta.
second, take a breath.
how about this: thank your sister’s-in-law. yeah, i know you don’t want to but do it anyway. and you can do it like this, “thank you, i appreciate you want to join in our celebration. i have a dj coming that has already been paid to come for the night. but the dj will need a break, so thank you for having entrainment for 30 minutes. that is so thoughtful”
get the name of the group and call them. you tell them you are the bride and you will let them perform. you tell them what time they can be there and they have 30 minutes and no more. doesn’t matter that the sil’s have paid for either because you paid for a dj.
think of it like this, when a celebrity is paid to surprise the bride and sings at a wedding they sing a few songs. like elton john did at prince harry and megan’s wedding. but it wasn’t a show or concert because that isn’t what the event was about. it was about celebrating a couple not commandeering it.
i’m sorry about the tents. i know that upset you. here’s the deal, i don’t care what anyone says no wedding is perfect. so focus on what’s really important- you and your hubs starting your life together.
as far as his sister’s are concerned- when you tell them thank you and talk about this group coming what you are really saying to them is “thank you for showing me how you will try and be the center of attention at any event for the rest of my life”
girl, you’ve dealt with selfish and mean girls before. you got this! congratulations to you and i hope you have a wonderful day because that is totally up to you.
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they did not plan this as a "surprise for you", they planned this because it's the music they want to replace the entertainment you wanted. nta a wedding surprise is planning a fun dance or a toast, not hijacking the night's entertainment.
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4 hours????
damn…
nta, that’s too much. i wouldn’t even cut to half (still 2h), i would say 30min max!
i was born in venezuela but i live in europe. i married a portuguese guy. we had latinos and portuguese at our wedding.
my dj had music for all tastes and it was pretty good. i wouldn’t “force” my english guests to listen to 4 hours of mexican music.
a 30min surprise would make latinos happy and entertain the english cause it’s fun music and different.
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nta again nta
that is not a surprise it’s high jacking your wedding. she is basically trying to throw a completely different party in the middle of your wedding!
you do not surprise someone with anything at their wedding. it’s just that simple.
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nta this is you and your fiancé’s wedding. its planned in detail for a reason. its only a nice present if she had booked your fave singer or band to sing 2-3 songs. what she is doing is gatecrashing your wedding and stomping all over it without permission.
ignore your parents - some people waste their life being polite than sticking up from themselves even at the expense of their own happiness.
be strong now or live in regret for life and it sucks.
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info: where is your fiance in all of this, and what does he want at his wedding?
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nta - find out who the group is, call and cancel that’s absolutely ridiculous they are trying to hijack your wedding.
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damn nta.
4 hours, and who gives a surprise entertainment show during a wedding as a present.
weird.
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nta- wow, i'd be so stressed i don't think i'd attend my own wedding if someone did this. that surprise isn't for you, it's for them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: am i the asshole for wanting the entertainment at my wedding cut short. backstory. i am getting married tomorrow to my amazing fiancé who i love. we planned this wedding pretty quickly but it finally seemed like it was all coming together. we’ve had a lot of ups and downs planning this wedding because we have very different views on a lot of things like i wanted a smaller wedding as it’s just our civil ceremony and then have a bigger party for a religious one in a different country and i just wanted a small one simple one here. or somehow it snowballed out of control and now we have way more people than we thought because my fiancé‘s family is huge and he can’t say no to people especially if they’re helping him out monetarily. well into this it’s two days before my wedding and the tents are finally being set up as it’s a backyard wedding. somehow someone drives through the tents ripping one in half and now there’s not another tent to replace it to go along with what i had planned so of course i was upset and then i found out that my sisters in law planned a surprise. mind you i am not a huge person who likes to be surprised especially not on my wedding which i have planned diligently on all the details. so they finally tell us that the surprise was four hours of entertainment from a mexican group there is no way in the aesthetic that i wanted this wedding. i asked for formal attire for this wedding because i wanted to be dressed up and now we’re supposed to have entertainment from a group with dressing and cowboy hats and jeans and other cowboy things that i know we wanted to have at my wedding. but apparently now to my parents and his sisters i am being a jerk and not being grateful to them for what they’re giving me when i in no way asked for them to do this. and mind you that i had an entire plan for music because i like a lot of different music in spanish as well as in english and i have friends that i wanna dance english music with this for hours now cuts into all of it. we already have a dj and now this group is going to take over that dj time which i would prefer over the group. so am i the asshole for wanting to get them to completely get rid of them or to always cut it down to half the time so i could get time to dance with my friends and the dj?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
am i the asshole for wanting the entertainment at my wedding cut short. backstory. i am getting married tomorrow to my amazing fiancé who i love. we planned this wedding pretty quickly but it finally seemed like it was all coming together. we’ve had a lot of ups and downs planning this wedding because we have very different views on a lot of things like i wanted a smaller wedding as it’s just our civil ceremony and then have a bigger party for a religious one in a different country and i just wanted a small one simple one here. or somehow it snowballed out of control and now we have way more people than we thought because my fiancé‘s family is huge and he can’t say no to people especially if they’re helping him out monetarily. well into this it’s two days before my wedding and the tents are finally being set up as it’s a backyard wedding. somehow someone drives through the tents ripping one in half and now there’s not another tent to replace it to go along with what i had planned so of course i was upset and then i found out that my sisters in law planned a surprise. mind you i am not a huge person who likes to be surprised especially not on my wedding which i have planned diligently on all the details. so they finally tell us that the surprise was four hours of entertainment from a mexican group there is no way in the aesthetic that i wanted this wedding. i asked for formal attire for this wedding because i wanted to be dressed up and now we’re supposed to have entertainment from a group with dressing and cowboy hats and jeans and other cowboy things that i know we wanted to have at my wedding. but apparently now to my parents and his sisters i am being a jerk and not being grateful to them for what they’re giving me when i in no way asked for them to do this. and mind you that i had an entire plan for music because i like a lot of different music in spanish as well as in english and i have friends that i wanna dance english music with this for hours now cuts into all of it. we already have a dj and now this group is going to take over that dj time which i would prefer over the group. so am i the asshole for wanting to get them to completely get rid of them or to always cut it down to half the time so i could get time to dance with my friends and the dj? [/INST] nta. this is your special day, and decisions about large details such as venue, food, and music lie between you and your future husband, not your family. although i'm sure it was done in good faith, it was in poor taste for them to bring in the obligation of this having this group play, especially when you already made prior arrangements for music. good luck on your special day! </s>
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AITA for expecting people to put their pets in another room when I visit because of allergies?
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i'm allergic to cats and dogs - as a kid i had to go to an er twice for difficult breathing after attending sleepovers at a home with pets. i've avoided er visits as an adult by being really cautious. it's very scary for me when i have trouble breathing. i have had the practice of asking people to put their pets in another room when i'm visiting (of course there will still be dander in the environment, but having the pet in a different room helps a lot). i didn't think this was a big ask, but i've gotten a lot of pushback. one time a friend said she'd do it, but then she didn't close the door and acted all surprised when the dog came into the room, and didn't try to put the dog out again. it seems pretty obvious that the dog won't stay in another room if you don't close the door, so i thought maybe it was a passive aggressive refusal. another friend did as i asked once (we went in the basement, dogs stayed in the rest of the house - they barked and whined at the door for awhile but then went away), and i thought it went well, but the next time i suggested getting together at her house the friend refused because of the dogs. i haven't been there since. another time i went to a get together at a friend's place, and when i asked her about putting the cat in another room, she said no because others want to play with the cat. this sort of thing happens often enough that i've given up on asking - i just leave early when i have the first sign of allergies. i manage, but i also feel bitter and hurt that my friends are so unwilling to make a safe and comfortable place for me. so i thought i'd ask the internet - aita? is it unreasonable to expect people to put their pets in another room when i visit?
| 2,437 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zupr4r/aita_for_expecting_people_to_put_their_pets_in/
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2022-12-25 03:38:23
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nta i have the world's clingiest, snugguliest cat. when we have guests over we close her in the office where he food and litter is, a big window and my fiance chair that she loves sleeping in- because i have chosen to have a guest over and making my home hostile to them is being an asshole. if a pet truly cannot be put safely into a separate room over the course of a shirt visit then those people have no business hosting.
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nah
you can ask them to put their pets away before you get there, it’s for your health and it’s not rude depending on how you word it. but also understand they have these pets because they’re important to them, and often feel like part of the actual family.
they’re not the ahs if they don’t want to lock them up as long as you know beforehand . they don’t have to agree to do it and it’s okay. if you’re worried about your safety and comfortability, why can’t you hang out at your place? or somewhere public, instead of trying to go somewhere knowing there’s something dangerous to your health and also inconveniencing your friends?
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info: if your allergies are this bad, why don’t you host at your house where i assume there aren’t any pets?
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all the y-t-a's are from either people who have never had terrible allergies/trouble breathing and/or value animals over humans. maybe find new friends- they won't change. that said, nah b/c there is also the bottom line that in the examples you provided you were a guest in their homes. you have the right to ask and they have the right to say no. they have shown you clearly that the pets are higher priority than you. it is up to you what you want to do with that information.
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info:
>i've avoided er visits as an adult by being really cautious.
if your allergy is severe enough that you've ended up in the er several times, wouldn't even being in the same house the animals have free reign in be highly risky?
pet dander doesn't just follow the pet. it's in the carpets, the couches, the air ducts, and so on. putting them in a different room doesn't change the allergens being all over the house.
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dog and cat lover and owner here. nta for asking and expecting people to be forthright about what they are going to do with their animals. of course if your friend leaves the door open, the pets going to come out! that's really irritating that your friend did that!
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if you ask the pet owner before you visit, and they agree, nta. but "expecting" someone to do this, without requesting, (not "expecting), before you visit is, essentially, making a demand, which would make yta.
also, (not that you asked), given the severity of your allergy, maybe it's best you simply don't visit a home where pets live. the pet hair is still in the room, even if the pet isn't.
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the allergens are already all over the house. putting the pets in another room prevents licking, climbing, humping etc however. while it is your health, it is their home. people consider pets as family so, it would be like asking if they could put their kid in the basement, locked in a room. i can easily see how this would wear thin on people.
unfortunately, this means more pet less friends , outdoor meetings or meetings at venues with just them. sucks, but keeps you in good physical shape while not pissing ppl off
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nah
you can ask. i personally would suggest that you not come to my house because i won't lock up members of my family who live in the house.
i don't eat at other people's houses because of my severe food allergies. i realize that others cannot fully accommodate my allergies and i'm ok with that.
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nah.
you can ask, it’s up to the person if they want to do it or not.
i personally would stop inviting you over, not out of anger or anything, you can’t help your allergies but because i know my pup would be freaking miserable stuck in another room when people are over. there’d be whining and crying and a lot of carrying on and it would make me worry and would just be a miserable time. but i wouldn’t want to activate your allergies so i’d just suggest other places to meet up.
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NAH
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NAH
| 0.072793 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm allergic to cats and dogs - as a kid i had to go to an er twice for difficult breathing after attending sleepovers at a home with pets. i've avoided er visits as an adult by being really cautious. it's very scary for me when i have trouble breathing. i have had the practice of asking people to put their pets in another room when i'm visiting (of course there will still be dander in the environment, but having the pet in a different room helps a lot). i didn't think this was a big ask, but i've gotten a lot of pushback. one time a friend said she'd do it, but then she didn't close the door and acted all surprised when the dog came into the room, and didn't try to put the dog out again. it seems pretty obvious that the dog won't stay in another room if you don't close the door, so i thought maybe it was a passive aggressive refusal. another friend did as i asked once (we went in the basement, dogs stayed in the rest of the house - they barked and whined at the door for awhile but then went away), and i thought it went well, but the next time i suggested getting together at her house the friend refused because of the dogs. i haven't been there since. another time i went to a get together at a friend's place, and when i asked her about putting the cat in another room, she said no because others want to play with the cat. this sort of thing happens often enough that i've given up on asking - i just leave early when i have the first sign of allergies. i manage, but i also feel bitter and hurt that my friends are so unwilling to make a safe and comfortable place for me. so i thought i'd ask the internet - aita? is it unreasonable to expect people to put their pets in another room when i visit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm allergic to cats and dogs - as a kid i had to go to an er twice for difficult breathing after attending sleepovers at a home with pets. i've avoided er visits as an adult by being really cautious. it's very scary for me when i have trouble breathing. i have had the practice of asking people to put their pets in another room when i'm visiting (of course there will still be dander in the environment, but having the pet in a different room helps a lot). i didn't think this was a big ask, but i've gotten a lot of pushback. one time a friend said she'd do it, but then she didn't close the door and acted all surprised when the dog came into the room, and didn't try to put the dog out again. it seems pretty obvious that the dog won't stay in another room if you don't close the door, so i thought maybe it was a passive aggressive refusal. another friend did as i asked once (we went in the basement, dogs stayed in the rest of the house - they barked and whined at the door for awhile but then went away), and i thought it went well, but the next time i suggested getting together at her house the friend refused because of the dogs. i haven't been there since. another time i went to a get together at a friend's place, and when i asked her about putting the cat in another room, she said no because others want to play with the cat. this sort of thing happens often enough that i've given up on asking - i just leave early when i have the first sign of allergies. i manage, but i also feel bitter and hurt that my friends are so unwilling to make a safe and comfortable place for me. so i thought i'd ask the internet - aita? is it unreasonable to expect people to put their pets in another room when i visit? [/INST] nta i have the world's clingiest, snugguliest cat. when we have guests over we close her in the office where he food and litter is, a big window and my fiance chair that she loves sleeping in- because i have chosen to have a guest over and making my home hostile to them is being an asshole. if a pet truly cannot be put safely into a separate room over the course of a shirt visit then those people have no business hosting. </s>
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AITA for siding with my step-siblings against my own sister?
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in my immediate family, excluding my mother and stepfather there is my sister (18), stepsister (22), stepbrother (27) and myself (m27). our parents got married last year and there has been a bit of tension between my mother and stepdads kids for reasons not really worth mentioning other than the fact that they just see the world differently.
my sister is a good kid and has a very close bond with my mum. i think she may have taken a hold of my mums tension with my step siblings and went with it.
the real issue that has happened is this; my sister is 18, still lives at home and her only real expense is her car insurance so she has a lot of extra cash for her age since she works full time. myself and the others do not have this luxury. i’d be the best off out of the 3 of us and even at that there are months where i have to be very careful with money.
in an attempt to make xmas easier for all of us we decided about 2 weeks ago to book our parents a nice overnight trip away to a fancy hotel, split 4 ways. we picked something right at the top of our budgets cause we love our parents and want to do what we can for them. my sister agreed despite saying she’d already spent a lot of money on our parents (she likes to show off how much extra money she has by spending the most at xmas/birthdays etc and can kind of brag about it if i’m honest)
when my stepbrother messaged saying it was booked my sister then decided to say she’s not paying cause she feels she’s spent enough on them already. this has created a lot of tension cause none of the rest of us can really afford the extra between the cost of living right now and getting christmas sorted for everyone else in our lives. when challenged my sister left the group chat, ignored all calls and messages and has left us all out of pocket.
i eventually called my mother in an attempt to resolve this and she sided with my sister, saying she “felt obliged” and that she’s “already spent enough” and is now saying she will just pay the other quarter which feels wrong to me. i tried to challenge her saying my sister could have said no and that we would have got something in our price range if she’d said she didn’t want in but now i’m caught in the middle. my mum is showing her clear bias and i can’t in good conscience take her side on this because i think my sister is in the wrong.
my stepbrother is understandably stressed as he’s been left dealing with it coming out of his bank account so i sent the extra until i find a resolution.
i truly don’t think my step siblings are wrong to be upset but i can also see they may have came on strong when asking for the money. i also may have jumped the gun calling my mum but i am an anxious person who finds xmas stressful enough and just needed some kind of resolution.
aita?
tldr; sister who brags about money agreed to split parents xmas gift 4 ways then pulls out after purchase cause shes “spent enough”
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmmofp/aita_for_siding_with_my_stepsiblings_against_my/
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2022-12-15 14:40:23
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nta
*my sister agreed despite saying she’d already spent a lot of money on our parents (she likes to show off how much extra money she has by spending the most at xmas/birthdays etc and can kind of brag about it if i’m honest)*
empty vessels make most sound. she is an ah
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nta - as you said, your sister should have never committed to go in on this if she felt she "already spent enough". she is the asshole - and perhaps she is actually trying to sabotage the rest of you knowing perhaps it will be unaffordable split three ways instead of four. the fact mom is justifying her actions only causes further family division. i would not include your sister on any future plans - and you are right to stand by your step-siblings. good luck!
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nta. she is old enough to know what she's doing.
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nta. you don't just agree to pitch in to a joint purchase, and then pull out when it's time to pay up. she bailed with no good reason and left the rest of you footing the bill. conflict with the step siblings aside, she's willing to do that to *her* own sister, and your mom should not have dismissed it.
i'm not sure there's much you can do to get your sister to make it right, especially since your mother has decided to play favorites. so personally, i think the difference should come out of your budget for your sister's gifts for the next year or so.
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nta. definitely. but i'm not sure why you framed this as siding with step siblings over your bio sister. this is simply one kid being shitty to the other 3. doesn't really seem like your parentage comes into play.
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nta your sis may be younger than you all but she needs to get a fucking grip. how are you gonna show off your money but then look stupid like that? in my city we say that what she did is “cacarsi la faccia” which means “get your face dirty with poop”. she’s 18. she should’ve known better.
btw i can’t really blame your mom for how she acted. she couldn’t really tell her to spend those extra money, since it was for her own gift. she probably felt like she had her hands tied and offered you the money bc she knows that you and your step siblings are in the right. your mom probably was afraid your sister could get mad at her because “you expect me to pay extra money to get you a gift? after all the money i already spent on you?”
so yeah, sister is the asshole, maybe mom is too, but i kinda feel for her
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nta. but.
i would want to know how your sisters was asked to participate. was she pressured into it, when she already got other gifts for them? and she brags about it? how so? is she telling you shat she bought and holding it over your head? or is she just excited about what she was able to get her parents as a gift and you just got uncomfortable because you can’t do the same?
she is, unfortunately, the ahole in this situation because she left you and your step siblings hanging.
this behavior, however, could stem from her putting up boundaries (with awful timing) as you’re accusing her of “bragging” about her money, when she might just be excited about being able to give back to her parents.
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nta
you are in the middle here. step kids can be expected to come out strong, because your sister is being a selfish ah. she shouldn't have agreed to contribute if she couldn't. a polite, "i am sorry i can't go in with you all on that because i already spent my holiday budget on other things." would have been perfectly appropriate.
personally, if she gave me a gift this christmas i would hand it back to her and say, "i love you and appreciate the thought but until you pay back, (stepbrother) for the cost of our parents gift you promised to contribute toward, i really can't accept gifts in good conscience. can you return this and pass the money towards what you owe?".
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nta.
> we picked something right at the top of our budgets cause we love our parents and want to do what we can for them. my sister agreed
that's it right there. as soon as she agreed, she had given her word that she would help you pay. she's the ah for backing out as soon as you actually booked it.
>she likes to show off how much extra money she has by spending the most at xmas/birthdays etc and can kind of brag about it if i’m honest
she's also the ah just because of this. bragging about having more money than you when you are struggling isn't right.
she needs to get off her high horse and do what she agreed to do. it's not your fault she spent too much of her money on them already, she never should've agreed in the first place if she had no intention of spending more.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: in my immediate family, excluding my mother and stepfather there is my sister (18), stepsister (22), stepbrother (27) and myself (m27). our parents got married last year and there has been a bit of tension between my mother and stepdads kids for reasons not really worth mentioning other than the fact that they just see the world differently. my sister is a good kid and has a very close bond with my mum. i think she may have taken a hold of my mums tension with my step siblings and went with it. the real issue that has happened is this; my sister is 18, still lives at home and her only real expense is her car insurance so she has a lot of extra cash for her age since she works full time. myself and the others do not have this luxury. i’d be the best off out of the 3 of us and even at that there are months where i have to be very careful with money. in an attempt to make xmas easier for all of us we decided about 2 weeks ago to book our parents a nice overnight trip away to a fancy hotel, split 4 ways. we picked something right at the top of our budgets cause we love our parents and want to do what we can for them. my sister agreed despite saying she’d already spent a lot of money on our parents (she likes to show off how much extra money she has by spending the most at xmas/birthdays etc and can kind of brag about it if i’m honest) when my stepbrother messaged saying it was booked my sister then decided to say she’s not paying cause she feels she’s spent enough on them already. this has created a lot of tension cause none of the rest of us can really afford the extra between the cost of living right now and getting christmas sorted for everyone else in our lives. when challenged my sister left the group chat, ignored all calls and messages and has left us all out of pocket. i eventually called my mother in an attempt to resolve this and she sided with my sister, saying she “felt obliged” and that she’s “already spent enough” and is now saying she will just pay the other quarter which feels wrong to me. i tried to challenge her saying my sister could have said no and that we would have got something in our price range if she’d said she didn’t want in but now i’m caught in the middle. my mum is showing her clear bias and i can’t in good conscience take her side on this because i think my sister is in the wrong. my stepbrother is understandably stressed as he’s been left dealing with it coming out of his bank account so i sent the extra until i find a resolution. i truly don’t think my step siblings are wrong to be upset but i can also see they may have came on strong when asking for the money. i also may have jumped the gun calling my mum but i am an anxious person who finds xmas stressful enough and just needed some kind of resolution. aita? tldr; sister who brags about money agreed to split parents xmas gift 4 ways then pulls out after purchase cause shes “spent enough”
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
in my immediate family, excluding my mother and stepfather there is my sister (18), stepsister (22), stepbrother (27) and myself (m27). our parents got married last year and there has been a bit of tension between my mother and stepdads kids for reasons not really worth mentioning other than the fact that they just see the world differently. my sister is a good kid and has a very close bond with my mum. i think she may have taken a hold of my mums tension with my step siblings and went with it. the real issue that has happened is this; my sister is 18, still lives at home and her only real expense is her car insurance so she has a lot of extra cash for her age since she works full time. myself and the others do not have this luxury. i’d be the best off out of the 3 of us and even at that there are months where i have to be very careful with money. in an attempt to make xmas easier for all of us we decided about 2 weeks ago to book our parents a nice overnight trip away to a fancy hotel, split 4 ways. we picked something right at the top of our budgets cause we love our parents and want to do what we can for them. my sister agreed despite saying she’d already spent a lot of money on our parents (she likes to show off how much extra money she has by spending the most at xmas/birthdays etc and can kind of brag about it if i’m honest) when my stepbrother messaged saying it was booked my sister then decided to say she’s not paying cause she feels she’s spent enough on them already. this has created a lot of tension cause none of the rest of us can really afford the extra between the cost of living right now and getting christmas sorted for everyone else in our lives. when challenged my sister left the group chat, ignored all calls and messages and has left us all out of pocket. i eventually called my mother in an attempt to resolve this and she sided with my sister, saying she “felt obliged” and that she’s “already spent enough” and is now saying she will just pay the other quarter which feels wrong to me. i tried to challenge her saying my sister could have said no and that we would have got something in our price range if she’d said she didn’t want in but now i’m caught in the middle. my mum is showing her clear bias and i can’t in good conscience take her side on this because i think my sister is in the wrong. my stepbrother is understandably stressed as he’s been left dealing with it coming out of his bank account so i sent the extra until i find a resolution. i truly don’t think my step siblings are wrong to be upset but i can also see they may have came on strong when asking for the money. i also may have jumped the gun calling my mum but i am an anxious person who finds xmas stressful enough and just needed some kind of resolution. aita? tldr; sister who brags about money agreed to split parents xmas gift 4 ways then pulls out after purchase cause shes “spent enough” [/INST] nta *my sister agreed despite saying she’d already spent a lot of money on our parents (she likes to show off how much extra money she has by spending the most at xmas/birthdays etc and can kind of brag about it if i’m honest)* empty vessels make most sound. she is an ah </s>
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AITA for snapping and telling my coworker that my husband is better than hers?
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i (f23) have a co-worker who's twice older than me (f45). she's in the brink of losing her job because she's not performing well and has bad attitude toward other coworkers, in which many has expressed their issue about her. she also loves loves to overshare her life details to her coworkers (ie. her unhappy marriage). our manager has talked to her about this, but she's not improving. ever since she knew she's probably losing her job soon, she starts belittling others more viciously.
unfortunately, i am one of the people she belittles. while i understand she does this as a way to make herself feel better, but she likes to judge/make assumption about my personal life (even though i rarely talk about it at work) and sometimes praising herself for being better than me—then spreading that misinformation to other coworkers. for example, she said she was glad she wasn't like me; because i love reading and hanging out with my friends that i must be neglecting my husband at home. or i that i'm spoiled because i brought my mom's cooking to work once. she also talked to people from other department that i was the one turning her in to our manager, while in reality our manager asked people in our team one by one about her performance before he talked to her about it.
i usually ignored her because what she said is not true and not cause any real damage to my career, but my tipping point is when she said something about my struggle to conceive. she said my struggle is caused by our own mistake; god is not going to give us any children because i'm too focused at my career and education. in her point of view, marriage is about having babies and if that's not our priority, then god is going to ignore our prayers for children. while it's true my husband and i postponed our pregnancy, it's been a year since we tried for a baby, so it kinda hit me right where it hurts. when she said this, i snapped and told her at least i have a loving and caring husband.
after our "argument", she stopped spreading rumors about me. instead, she started avoiding and blatantly excluding me on her conversation. deep down i'm glad that i snapped at her if it means standing up to her, but i also know she's hurt by my words—and i felt childish for saying those things to her, for getting involved in office's drama. i feel like our "argument" starts to affect our professional relationship as she continuously avoiding me. i feel like i cross the line here. so, aita for snapping at her? especially i live in a country where i must respect people who's older than me no matter what happens?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yon510/aita_for_snapping_and_telling_my_coworker_that_my/
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2022-11-07 13:37:35
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nta the stuff she was saying to you was vicious and on subjects that should be off limits. what did she think would happen?
it seems like a good think that she's avoiding you, right? i wouldn't want to talk to a person like her.
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nta. normally i'd say (gently) by the husband remark you kind of pulled yourself down to her level.. but the things she said about your struggle to conceive were so out of order, disrespectful, rude, intentionally hurtful, damaging, inappropriate and cruel. i'm sorry she said that to you.
the people who use very painful situations against you like she did when she spoke of your struggle, means she is a deeply unhappy and insecure person. maybe a little jealousy there too!
your comment about her husband only came because she talked so freely about it anyway, you snapped at her because she wouldn't leave you alone. i'd probably have done the same thing. easy to see why she's on her way out of that job.
i hope you are doing ok op.
i'd really strongly advise you discussing this with your boss or hr and have these comments on record somewhere in case she does this again.
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nta
if you want respect, you must give respect. i'm sorry about how you were treated by her. she used something from your personal life against you, something that you have been struggling with quite a lot. she had absolutely no right to do that, older or not. please don't blame yourself.
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nta
&#x200b;
but you should not have snapped, you should have reported her.
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the fact that you’ve posted this shows how much nta you are. sounds like you gave her a long lead before you had a reaction, and she really went below the belt. her constant belittling isn’t healthy and she was likely to get a reaction at some point.
if you think she’s gonna be around a while and it’s better for your mood and mental health, apologise for snapping, but make it clear why you did and that you’d appreciate if she didn’t talk to you or about you like that. unfortunately some people use personal information as fuel, so be careful who you share this with.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f23) have a co-worker who's twice older than me (f45). she's in the brink of losing her job because she's not performing well and has bad attitude toward other coworkers, in which many has expressed their issue about her. she also loves loves to overshare her life details to her coworkers (ie. her unhappy marriage). our manager has talked to her about this, but she's not improving. ever since she knew she's probably losing her job soon, she starts belittling others more viciously. unfortunately, i am one of the people she belittles. while i understand she does this as a way to make herself feel better, but she likes to judge/make assumption about my personal life (even though i rarely talk about it at work) and sometimes praising herself for being better than me—then spreading that misinformation to other coworkers. for example, she said she was glad she wasn't like me; because i love reading and hanging out with my friends that i must be neglecting my husband at home. or i that i'm spoiled because i brought my mom's cooking to work once. she also talked to people from other department that i was the one turning her in to our manager, while in reality our manager asked people in our team one by one about her performance before he talked to her about it. i usually ignored her because what she said is not true and not cause any real damage to my career, but my tipping point is when she said something about my struggle to conceive. she said my struggle is caused by our own mistake; god is not going to give us any children because i'm too focused at my career and education. in her point of view, marriage is about having babies and if that's not our priority, then god is going to ignore our prayers for children. while it's true my husband and i postponed our pregnancy, it's been a year since we tried for a baby, so it kinda hit me right where it hurts. when she said this, i snapped and told her at least i have a loving and caring husband. after our "argument", she stopped spreading rumors about me. instead, she started avoiding and blatantly excluding me on her conversation. deep down i'm glad that i snapped at her if it means standing up to her, but i also know she's hurt by my words—and i felt childish for saying those things to her, for getting involved in office's drama. i feel like our "argument" starts to affect our professional relationship as she continuously avoiding me. i feel like i cross the line here. so, aita for snapping at her? especially i live in a country where i must respect people who's older than me no matter what happens?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f23) have a co-worker who's twice older than me (f45). she's in the brink of losing her job because she's not performing well and has bad attitude toward other coworkers, in which many has expressed their issue about her. she also loves loves to overshare her life details to her coworkers (ie. her unhappy marriage). our manager has talked to her about this, but she's not improving. ever since she knew she's probably losing her job soon, she starts belittling others more viciously. unfortunately, i am one of the people she belittles. while i understand she does this as a way to make herself feel better, but she likes to judge/make assumption about my personal life (even though i rarely talk about it at work) and sometimes praising herself for being better than me—then spreading that misinformation to other coworkers. for example, she said she was glad she wasn't like me; because i love reading and hanging out with my friends that i must be neglecting my husband at home. or i that i'm spoiled because i brought my mom's cooking to work once. she also talked to people from other department that i was the one turning her in to our manager, while in reality our manager asked people in our team one by one about her performance before he talked to her about it. i usually ignored her because what she said is not true and not cause any real damage to my career, but my tipping point is when she said something about my struggle to conceive. she said my struggle is caused by our own mistake; god is not going to give us any children because i'm too focused at my career and education. in her point of view, marriage is about having babies and if that's not our priority, then god is going to ignore our prayers for children. while it's true my husband and i postponed our pregnancy, it's been a year since we tried for a baby, so it kinda hit me right where it hurts. when she said this, i snapped and told her at least i have a loving and caring husband. after our "argument", she stopped spreading rumors about me. instead, she started avoiding and blatantly excluding me on her conversation. deep down i'm glad that i snapped at her if it means standing up to her, but i also know she's hurt by my words—and i felt childish for saying those things to her, for getting involved in office's drama. i feel like our "argument" starts to affect our professional relationship as she continuously avoiding me. i feel like i cross the line here. so, aita for snapping at her? especially i live in a country where i must respect people who's older than me no matter what happens? [/INST] nta the stuff she was saying to you was vicious and on subjects that should be off limits. what did she think would happen? it seems like a good think that she's avoiding you, right? i wouldn't want to talk to a person like her. </s>
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AITA for not offering to babysit my niece?
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on mobile.
i (26m) have a 2 year old niece. my sister (31) and bil (33) ask me to babysit pretty often. they offer to pay me but i've always told them no, i love my niece to pieces and they are my favorite siblings.
my sister and i both work nights, and bil works weekends. most fridays i will spend the night, bil will leave for work very early in the morning, sister will get home from work about 8am and wake me up before she goes to bed so i can get up and take care of my niece until my bil gets home or sister wakes up. sometimes i wake up on time to get my niece so sister doesn't always wake me up.
i had a medication dosage change right before mother's day and usually when they change my dose, i go into a depressive episode until everything evens out. i spent the night mother's day weekend. i guess my sister didn't wake me up when she got home because at noon she came out of her room to find me still asleep on the couch. she woke me up, yelled at me that it was noon and my niece was still in the crib, and went to take a shower. i got my niece, changed her diaper, fed her, and played with her. i'm my niece's favorite uncle (she has five) and she wasn't even upset, she was just happy to see me, and that made me feel even more guilty because i love her more than anything in the whole world and i can't believe i let her down like that.
after my sister's shower she came out, hugged me really hard and told me she loved me, and asked if i could stay and play a game with her. (i still can't believe she wasn't mad at me.) i still feel so guilty because this was possibly the biggest screw up of my life that had a direct effect on someone i love.
i haven't offered to babysit since then and my sister and bil haven't asked. my dad yesterday asked me why he was babysitting when usually it would be me, and i told him what happened. he thinks i'm an asshole for not offering to babysit anymore and is giving me the cold shoulder but i don't want to offer if they don't want me to babysit anymore. honestly i'd understand if they never wanted me to see my niece again. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nel670/aita_for_not_offering_to_babysit_my_niece/
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2021-05-17 16:44:10
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nta
it sounds like your dad is mad at you because now he has to babysit when he doesn't want to babysit.
it seems like your sister thought about it in the shower and understood that it was not your fault and forgave you so thats why she hunged you, but might not trust you with staying awake.
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nta, please talk with your sister and explain everything as nicely as you did here. she loves you and her family loves you, it would be a shame to stop babysitting because of a misunderstanding.
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nta. it was just a misunderstanding on both your parts. she forgot to wake you and you slept. if your niece didn't cry and woke you up, she wasn't in distress at all. and it seems your sister wasn't too offended because she hugged you.
just talk to them! tell them you love your nice and would love to babysit her again. if your sister says no, than you can have an honest conversation.
but don't feel guilty! unless you were drugged out of your mind, knew this and still agreed to babysit, you didn't do anything wrong.
it's not your baby but i would almost say: welcome to parenthood! it's a fun mix of joy, love and feeling guilty about stuff which hasn't even affected the child 😄 i'm just jealous your niece slept all that time, my son would be up at 06.15 sharp 😂
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nah (except maybe your sister for yelling) but y’all need to chew this up and swallow it. your niece needs you, and you need her. don’t throw away a wonderful relationship over a misunderstanding and/or simple mistake.
talk with your sister and establish a clear procedure about how you will wake up. if she’s expected to wake you up, she should know that definitively and should follow through. if not, you need an alarm clock (or maybe they need an alarm clock for you, since you’re in their house.
this doesn’t sound terrible. don’t let it get terrible. talk to your sister and work it out. your niece is getting older by the minute, and you shouldn’t waste any time getting back to the important job of being her favorite uncle.
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>he thinks i'm an asshole for not offering to babysit anymore and is giving me the cold shoulder
i think that the only reason he is doing this because he can't be bothered to babysit.
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nta i don't think you need to be so hard on yourself. your niece was perfectly fine, she just spent a morning in her crib. she won't be negatively effected by this. your sister yelled at you, which was uncalled for, but i think she was sorry about that right away because she hugged you and told you that she loved you after her shower. if you want to continue babysitting, you can. maybe your sister and bil think you don't want to anymore, which is why they haven't asked? why don't you talk to them about what happened? i'm sure things can be cleared up.
as for your father, i think his giving you the cold shoulder is wrong. he should be encouraging, not icing you out. looks like he's not too keen on the babysitting job himself.
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nta. you aren’t obligated to babysit. you’re doing them a favor. if you need a little time to adjust to your new medication, it’s ok to let them know that.
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nah it doesn't sound like anyone is angry here. keep in mind you're still experiencing the effects of the medication change. your sister's reaction was reasonable, waking up to find the care taker asleep 4 hours after he should have been awake is not ideal. your niece's reaction was reasonable, she loves you and probably didn't notice the time if she's still in a crib.
offer again and see what's up, and set an alarm for 8am
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i'm confused on something. sis was concerned about baby, but yelled at someone else to tend to her baby? just yelled at op and went to shower. what am i missing? op got up and tended to baby. why didn't mama if she is concerned? reddit mamas, wouldn't you tend to your baby first and see to her comfort before heading to a shower?
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info. so your sister normally wakes you up unless you wake up on your own, but this time she just...didn't bother to wake you up? then instead of going to get her own kid when she woke up at noon to find her still in her crib, she yelled at you to wake up and get her? you, her little brother who provides tons of free babysitting?
no wonder she wasn't mad at you after having time in the shower to think about it. she knows how lucky she is to have you and is taking advantage.
you are nta for not offering to babysit, but if you actually want to babysit again, you should not let this episode stop you. instead you should tell your sister and bil that you love and miss your niece and would be happy to resume helping them out but that first you need to clarify some rules/procedures to avoid a mixup like last time.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
INFO
| 0.022097 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on mobile. i (26m) have a 2 year old niece. my sister (31) and bil (33) ask me to babysit pretty often. they offer to pay me but i've always told them no, i love my niece to pieces and they are my favorite siblings. my sister and i both work nights, and bil works weekends. most fridays i will spend the night, bil will leave for work very early in the morning, sister will get home from work about 8am and wake me up before she goes to bed so i can get up and take care of my niece until my bil gets home or sister wakes up. sometimes i wake up on time to get my niece so sister doesn't always wake me up. i had a medication dosage change right before mother's day and usually when they change my dose, i go into a depressive episode until everything evens out. i spent the night mother's day weekend. i guess my sister didn't wake me up when she got home because at noon she came out of her room to find me still asleep on the couch. she woke me up, yelled at me that it was noon and my niece was still in the crib, and went to take a shower. i got my niece, changed her diaper, fed her, and played with her. i'm my niece's favorite uncle (she has five) and she wasn't even upset, she was just happy to see me, and that made me feel even more guilty because i love her more than anything in the whole world and i can't believe i let her down like that. after my sister's shower she came out, hugged me really hard and told me she loved me, and asked if i could stay and play a game with her. (i still can't believe she wasn't mad at me.) i still feel so guilty because this was possibly the biggest screw up of my life that had a direct effect on someone i love. i haven't offered to babysit since then and my sister and bil haven't asked. my dad yesterday asked me why he was babysitting when usually it would be me, and i told him what happened. he thinks i'm an asshole for not offering to babysit anymore and is giving me the cold shoulder but i don't want to offer if they don't want me to babysit anymore. honestly i'd understand if they never wanted me to see my niece again. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on mobile. i (26m) have a 2 year old niece. my sister (31) and bil (33) ask me to babysit pretty often. they offer to pay me but i've always told them no, i love my niece to pieces and they are my favorite siblings. my sister and i both work nights, and bil works weekends. most fridays i will spend the night, bil will leave for work very early in the morning, sister will get home from work about 8am and wake me up before she goes to bed so i can get up and take care of my niece until my bil gets home or sister wakes up. sometimes i wake up on time to get my niece so sister doesn't always wake me up. i had a medication dosage change right before mother's day and usually when they change my dose, i go into a depressive episode until everything evens out. i spent the night mother's day weekend. i guess my sister didn't wake me up when she got home because at noon she came out of her room to find me still asleep on the couch. she woke me up, yelled at me that it was noon and my niece was still in the crib, and went to take a shower. i got my niece, changed her diaper, fed her, and played with her. i'm my niece's favorite uncle (she has five) and she wasn't even upset, she was just happy to see me, and that made me feel even more guilty because i love her more than anything in the whole world and i can't believe i let her down like that. after my sister's shower she came out, hugged me really hard and told me she loved me, and asked if i could stay and play a game with her. (i still can't believe she wasn't mad at me.) i still feel so guilty because this was possibly the biggest screw up of my life that had a direct effect on someone i love. i haven't offered to babysit since then and my sister and bil haven't asked. my dad yesterday asked me why he was babysitting when usually it would be me, and i told him what happened. he thinks i'm an asshole for not offering to babysit anymore and is giving me the cold shoulder but i don't want to offer if they don't want me to babysit anymore. honestly i'd understand if they never wanted me to see my niece again. aita? [/INST] nta it sounds like your dad is mad at you because now he has to babysit when he doesn't want to babysit. it seems like your sister thought about it in the shower and understood that it was not your fault and forgave you so thats why she hunged you, but might not trust you with staying awake. </s>
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AITA for how I reject guys interested in me?
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my friends seem to think so. i'll describe two instances.
on one occasion, i was at a coffee shop reading the trial by kafka, minding my own damn business when a guy sits down at the table with me. i ignore him. he starts praising kafka and says he didn't know any girls who were interested in that sort of thing, how i must be "different". um, excuse me, wtf? kafka is an extremely well known author, i literally read metamorphosis in high school. that's a huge pet peeve of mine, freaking people who act like the well known authors they stan for are actually niche and obscure that only misunderstood geniuses like them appreciate. fuck offff with that. so without ever saying a word to him, i got up and left the shop. he followed me on to the street saying, "wow, are you serious right now? what's your problem?" then he called me a turbo b!tch and went back into the shop. who does that? just sits down at a table where a person is reading and starts talking at them? weird.
then on an unrelated occasion, i was walking around downtown playing pokemon go. i was doing a raid at a park when a male avatar enters the lobby. eh. it was a level 2 i could have easily done on my own. anyway, we win of course and this guy approaches me saying i should thank him for "helping" me. excuse me, sir, but i'm a level 36 and he was lower than that, if anything, i helped him. still, we each could have beat the raid solo. (btw, i did almost twice as much damage, js) anyway, he tries to engage me in conversation in the most pretentious way possible and does not get the hint i don't want to talk to him. he's literally following me at this point as i'm ignoring him and trying to play. when i see it, a city bus approaching. i know the bus system in my city like clockwork, it was the number 9 and knew it would make a stop at the stop about 50 ft away from my position. there was one person waiting already. anyway, so when the bus stopped, i took off at a dead sprint, got on and rode it up to meijer, transferred and went home.
my friends say i'm wrong for this. i don't see how. both times i was trying to mind my own business and was very rudely intruded upon. i don't know these people, i owe them nothing. my sister told me i'll never get a boyfriend if i keep this up and that's just fine with me honestly.
| 168 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b73wt7/aita_for_how_i_reject_guys_interested_in_me/
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2019-03-29 22:54:35
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nta. i'm not going to argue politeness or expectations, because the reality is if i was doing what you were doing and some randos approached me the same way, i not only would have ignored them, but probably would have told them to leave me alone and gotten angry. like why are you bothering me.
you do sound a bit humblebrag, though. i don't care about kafka or your pokemon level, and those were unnecessary details.
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shp- reading this made me cringe. feels like the whole post is just so you can brag about silly things.
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nta | feels like shp tbh.
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shp.
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nta
you do whatever you like. you're an adult.
however, you sound like an extremely self-centered, conceited, out of touch person from what i gathered from this post. if i were you i'd seriously take a step back and try to view yourself from other people's perspectives; i think you may not like what you see.
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shp
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nta
you seem rude though.
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nta at all - you’re not obligated to engage in shitty small talk with condescending douches.
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shp
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nta but i think i see why your friends think it's weird. often a direct "i'm not interested in talking, i don't like the way you're talking to me, or please leave me alone" is enough, and it is a little bit weird to just abruptly walk or run away from someone (unless, of course, you fear for your safety). it doesn't make you the asshole though, especially because both dudes sounded oblivious and a bit douchey. you definitely don't want a boyfriend with a big ego anyway, they are the worst.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friends seem to think so. i'll describe two instances. on one occasion, i was at a coffee shop reading the trial by kafka, minding my own damn business when a guy sits down at the table with me. i ignore him. he starts praising kafka and says he didn't know any girls who were interested in that sort of thing, how i must be "different". um, excuse me, wtf? kafka is an extremely well known author, i literally read metamorphosis in high school. that's a huge pet peeve of mine, freaking people who act like the well known authors they stan for are actually niche and obscure that only misunderstood geniuses like them appreciate. fuck offff with that. so without ever saying a word to him, i got up and left the shop. he followed me on to the street saying, "wow, are you serious right now? what's your problem?" then he called me a turbo b!tch and went back into the shop. who does that? just sits down at a table where a person is reading and starts talking at them? weird. then on an unrelated occasion, i was walking around downtown playing pokemon go. i was doing a raid at a park when a male avatar enters the lobby. eh. it was a level 2 i could have easily done on my own. anyway, we win of course and this guy approaches me saying i should thank him for "helping" me. excuse me, sir, but i'm a level 36 and he was lower than that, if anything, i helped him. still, we each could have beat the raid solo. (btw, i did almost twice as much damage, js) anyway, he tries to engage me in conversation in the most pretentious way possible and does not get the hint i don't want to talk to him. he's literally following me at this point as i'm ignoring him and trying to play. when i see it, a city bus approaching. i know the bus system in my city like clockwork, it was the number 9 and knew it would make a stop at the stop about 50 ft away from my position. there was one person waiting already. anyway, so when the bus stopped, i took off at a dead sprint, got on and rode it up to meijer, transferred and went home. my friends say i'm wrong for this. i don't see how. both times i was trying to mind my own business and was very rudely intruded upon. i don't know these people, i owe them nothing. my sister told me i'll never get a boyfriend if i keep this up and that's just fine with me honestly.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friends seem to think so. i'll describe two instances. on one occasion, i was at a coffee shop reading the trial by kafka, minding my own damn business when a guy sits down at the table with me. i ignore him. he starts praising kafka and says he didn't know any girls who were interested in that sort of thing, how i must be "different". um, excuse me, wtf? kafka is an extremely well known author, i literally read metamorphosis in high school. that's a huge pet peeve of mine, freaking people who act like the well known authors they stan for are actually niche and obscure that only misunderstood geniuses like them appreciate. fuck offff with that. so without ever saying a word to him, i got up and left the shop. he followed me on to the street saying, "wow, are you serious right now? what's your problem?" then he called me a turbo b!tch and went back into the shop. who does that? just sits down at a table where a person is reading and starts talking at them? weird. then on an unrelated occasion, i was walking around downtown playing pokemon go. i was doing a raid at a park when a male avatar enters the lobby. eh. it was a level 2 i could have easily done on my own. anyway, we win of course and this guy approaches me saying i should thank him for "helping" me. excuse me, sir, but i'm a level 36 and he was lower than that, if anything, i helped him. still, we each could have beat the raid solo. (btw, i did almost twice as much damage, js) anyway, he tries to engage me in conversation in the most pretentious way possible and does not get the hint i don't want to talk to him. he's literally following me at this point as i'm ignoring him and trying to play. when i see it, a city bus approaching. i know the bus system in my city like clockwork, it was the number 9 and knew it would make a stop at the stop about 50 ft away from my position. there was one person waiting already. anyway, so when the bus stopped, i took off at a dead sprint, got on and rode it up to meijer, transferred and went home. my friends say i'm wrong for this. i don't see how. both times i was trying to mind my own business and was very rudely intruded upon. i don't know these people, i owe them nothing. my sister told me i'll never get a boyfriend if i keep this up and that's just fine with me honestly. [/INST] nta. i'm not going to argue politeness or expectations, because the reality is if i was doing what you were doing and some randos approached me the same way, i not only would have ignored them, but probably would have told them to leave me alone and gotten angry. like why are you bothering me. you do sound a bit humblebrag, though. i don't care about kafka or your pokemon level, and those were unnecessary details. </s>
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AITA for telling a coworker it served him right?
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throwaway because i know at least one coworker visits this subreddit. title sounds bad, but please hear me out.
i (32m) had a coworker who really should have been fired a long time ago. he’s rude to us, he’s unacceptably rude to customers, and for some reason i don’t know, the owners wouldn’t fire him. he’s lost us accounts due to his behavior it’s so bad. i told him more than once that one day he’s going to mouth off to the wrong person. well, that happened. he was incredibly condescending and rude to a woman who came in, kept saying he wouldn’t speak to her, only her boss because she wouldn’t understand. well, maybe no surprise there, she was the owner. she goes by initials and he assumed she was a man because communication had been done via email. she gave him a pretty amazing dressing down.
she‘s our biggest contract and if we lose her we’ll be in a lot of trouble. so the owner was scrambling trying to save this contract. she says this isn’t the first time she’s had issues with that coworker and he had treated her assistant poorly on more than one occasion as well. coworker was finally fired, because we can’t lose this customer. coworker is furious, blaming us for not telling him and how he needed this job. he told me that i knew who she was and should have stepped in, then started blaming others. i told him it wasn’t our fault that he was rude to people and it wasn’t our responsibility to tell him not to act like an asshole for certain customers when he needed to treat all our clients with respect. he started complaining that if wasn’t his fault. i rolled my eyes and told him it served him right, and i warned him this would eventually happen.
another coworker said she’s glad he’s gone, but i didn’t have to rub his face in it. i don’t think i did though, i think i just stood up against his nonsense but maybe i did, so i thought i’d put it out there, aita?
| 2,042 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jv07u5/aita_for_telling_a_coworker_it_served_him_right/
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2020-11-16 04:07:18
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nta - your coworker got himself fired and is just whining and trying to blame anyone but himself. you just told him the truth and did nothing wrong.
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nta. the client complained about multiple screwups on his part. if anybody other than the coworker is to blame, it's the boss for not correcting his behavior or firing his ass earlier. what you are saying was correct and you should feel no shame in saying so.
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nta. the only person responsible for his actions are him. it does serve him right, and maybe he’ll learn from this.
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nta
it never ceases to amaze me when someone acts poorly, and are faced with the consequences of their behavior it’s everyone’s fault but theirs and they still expect you to treat them with the kindness and respect they never showed you. he brought it on himself. good riddance.
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nta, for both not telling him who she was and for saying it served him right.
at the moment, his takeaway from this is "my coworker didn't tell me that woman was important, _they got me fired"_ which is not what happened.
he seems like an idiot, so you've done him a favour explaining that it is _his shitty behaviour_ that has led him to this point in life.
what he chooses to do with that information is up to him.
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nta your coworker has a lot to learn, and sometimes the lesson has a big impact. maybe now he'll learn something.
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nta. he's rude and sexist, and he should've been fired a long time ago. being rude to customers, clients, and coworkers is bound to catch up with him.
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nta, especially if he is blaming others.
i don't think it was inappropriate to stand up for yourself here and remind him who is to blame for his behaviors.
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rofl the idea the coworker's brain could twist around enough to come up with "it's your fault for not stopping me from being as unacceptably rude to this one person as i am to everyone, all of the time" as evidence it's not his fault is just amazing. nta and congratulations, glad you are rid of his ass!
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if it isn't my old enemy: the consequences of my actions!
that ex-coworker of yours got exactly what they deserved, op. and you *did* warn them. nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because i know at least one coworker visits this subreddit. title sounds bad, but please hear me out. i (32m) had a coworker who really should have been fired a long time ago. he’s rude to us, he’s unacceptably rude to customers, and for some reason i don’t know, the owners wouldn’t fire him. he’s lost us accounts due to his behavior it’s so bad. i told him more than once that one day he’s going to mouth off to the wrong person. well, that happened. he was incredibly condescending and rude to a woman who came in, kept saying he wouldn’t speak to her, only her boss because she wouldn’t understand. well, maybe no surprise there, she was the owner. she goes by initials and he assumed she was a man because communication had been done via email. she gave him a pretty amazing dressing down. she‘s our biggest contract and if we lose her we’ll be in a lot of trouble. so the owner was scrambling trying to save this contract. she says this isn’t the first time she’s had issues with that coworker and he had treated her assistant poorly on more than one occasion as well. coworker was finally fired, because we can’t lose this customer. coworker is furious, blaming us for not telling him and how he needed this job. he told me that i knew who she was and should have stepped in, then started blaming others. i told him it wasn’t our fault that he was rude to people and it wasn’t our responsibility to tell him not to act like an asshole for certain customers when he needed to treat all our clients with respect. he started complaining that if wasn’t his fault. i rolled my eyes and told him it served him right, and i warned him this would eventually happen. another coworker said she’s glad he’s gone, but i didn’t have to rub his face in it. i don’t think i did though, i think i just stood up against his nonsense but maybe i did, so i thought i’d put it out there, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i know at least one coworker visits this subreddit. title sounds bad, but please hear me out. i (32m) had a coworker who really should have been fired a long time ago. he’s rude to us, he’s unacceptably rude to customers, and for some reason i don’t know, the owners wouldn’t fire him. he’s lost us accounts due to his behavior it’s so bad. i told him more than once that one day he’s going to mouth off to the wrong person. well, that happened. he was incredibly condescending and rude to a woman who came in, kept saying he wouldn’t speak to her, only her boss because she wouldn’t understand. well, maybe no surprise there, she was the owner. she goes by initials and he assumed she was a man because communication had been done via email. she gave him a pretty amazing dressing down. she‘s our biggest contract and if we lose her we’ll be in a lot of trouble. so the owner was scrambling trying to save this contract. she says this isn’t the first time she’s had issues with that coworker and he had treated her assistant poorly on more than one occasion as well. coworker was finally fired, because we can’t lose this customer. coworker is furious, blaming us for not telling him and how he needed this job. he told me that i knew who she was and should have stepped in, then started blaming others. i told him it wasn’t our fault that he was rude to people and it wasn’t our responsibility to tell him not to act like an asshole for certain customers when he needed to treat all our clients with respect. he started complaining that if wasn’t his fault. i rolled my eyes and told him it served him right, and i warned him this would eventually happen. another coworker said she’s glad he’s gone, but i didn’t have to rub his face in it. i don’t think i did though, i think i just stood up against his nonsense but maybe i did, so i thought i’d put it out there, aita? [/INST] nta - your coworker got himself fired and is just whining and trying to blame anyone but himself. you just told him the truth and did nothing wrong. </s>
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AITA for waking my daughter up?
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my daughter has been staying with us since her school shut down, and has been doing an online internship over the summer. the issue is that she sleeps all the time. she refuses to wake up until 10 minutes before her job starts, and immediately sleeps for another hour or two after it ends. i’ve even caught her sleeping on her lunch break instead of eating. on the weekends, she won’t wake up until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. she complains about being tired all the time and insists she has “problems” sleeping at night, but refuses to try and go to bed earlier than 11 because “she just can’t sleep”. it sounds like pure laziness to me, but i hadn’t said much about it to her.
three weeks ago she decided to take a nap at the table while we were trying to play a game with her, and that was the last straw. for the past couple of weeks my wife and i have been waking her up if we catch her sleeping during the day, and checking on her throughout the day to make sure she’s actually awake and not trying to sneak a nap in. we’re also waking her up by 9 on the weekends, and making sure she’s up at least an hour before her job starts so she can have breakfast with us. we think it’s going well. she’s awake when she’s supposed to be, and we don’t interfere with her sleeping at night.
my daughter, however, is acting like we’re torturing her by making her stay awake. today she actually cried because i woke her up, and started an argument about it. we don’t think we’re doing anything wrong. if anything, we’re probably helping her. when she can go back to school and work, it’s not like she can sleep all day.
but my wife is suddenly having second thoughts, and now wants to let her have an hour every day to sleep. i think she’s being manipulated by our daughter, she thinks maybe one nap per day isn’t as bad as we thought. aita?
| 230 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/htu8iy/aita_for_waking_my_daughter_up/
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2020-07-19 03:54:47
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yta - sleep deprivation is legitimately a form of torture. it is banned by the geneva convention, and prisoners have won millions of dollars from cases where tactics similar to what you describe have been used against them. some people are just not tired during the early parts of the night, and know that it doesn't work to try sleeping at the time. we just lay there completely awake for hours. it's really none of your business when she sleeps, as long as she can keep her job.
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why are you so offended by an adult having a nap at some point in the day? is she doing her job without having performance issues flagged?
you're not worried that you've driven your daughter to exhausted tears by waking her up? are there other issues that are making her need/want to sleep so much?
yta - firstly, you should be figuring out if she's struggling with a mental or physical health issue. secondly - let her fucking sleep. i'm a middle-aged woman and i love a nap. sometimes i ***need*** a disco-doze to have energy for the evening and i'd be fucked off to all hell if someone tried to micro-manage whether i should be awake or not just because they think i'm 'lazy'.
back off, dad.
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"we don't think we're doing anything wrong"
well golly it's not like she's crying and that she's an adult and still doing her job.. back off...
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yta. it sounds like your daughter is either depressed or has a medical issue. sleeping that much to the point of not eating is generally a sign of something wrong, not laziness.
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[deleted]
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re: op's edit.
op doesn't see the irony in saying we're a load of armchair psychologists, when he's vehemently arguing against the fact his kid is showing textbook signs of clinical depression. he must be a better armchair psychologist than the rest of us!
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seriously, what is wrong with you? your daughter could have a medical condition that is making her sleep deprived and you're calling her lazy?!? she could have narcolepsy or sleep apnea or some other condition that affects her ability to get restful sleep. sleep deprivation is a common torture tactic and the fact you're forcing her to be awake when she clearly needs more sleep is just cruel. yta and take her to a doctor or have her get a sleep study done. your daughter is suffering and you guys should help her, not punish her.
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yta. she’s doing a summer internship instead of going out partying. she’s waking up for it. you don’t mention she’s had any issues with her performance, so she’s responsible. why does it bother you when she sleeps or doesn’t sleep? how is that even lazy?
when someone cries because they were woken up, it means they are extremely exhausted. as someone who has cried after being woken up- i know the feeling. yta a million times over.
you’re also the asshole because you make it seem like she’s sleeping an abnormal amount of hours a day. if this were the case- then you callously dismissing it instead of trying to find out if there’s something medically wrong with her also makes you the asshole.
having a different sleeping schedule than you doesn’t make her lazy. get over yourself.
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yta-for the way you are handling this. this isn’t someone being lazy and your dismissing the way you are as laziness is callous.
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she has a sleep schedule that works for her, and you’re actively trying to change it to fit with your sleep schedules. if you want to spend time with her then that’s fine if you ask her. however forcing her to wake up just because you think she’s lazy does in fact make yta.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter has been staying with us since her school shut down, and has been doing an online internship over the summer. the issue is that she sleeps all the time. she refuses to wake up until 10 minutes before her job starts, and immediately sleeps for another hour or two after it ends. i’ve even caught her sleeping on her lunch break instead of eating. on the weekends, she won’t wake up until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. she complains about being tired all the time and insists she has “problems” sleeping at night, but refuses to try and go to bed earlier than 11 because “she just can’t sleep”. it sounds like pure laziness to me, but i hadn’t said much about it to her. three weeks ago she decided to take a nap at the table while we were trying to play a game with her, and that was the last straw. for the past couple of weeks my wife and i have been waking her up if we catch her sleeping during the day, and checking on her throughout the day to make sure she’s actually awake and not trying to sneak a nap in. we’re also waking her up by 9 on the weekends, and making sure she’s up at least an hour before her job starts so she can have breakfast with us. we think it’s going well. she’s awake when she’s supposed to be, and we don’t interfere with her sleeping at night. my daughter, however, is acting like we’re torturing her by making her stay awake. today she actually cried because i woke her up, and started an argument about it. we don’t think we’re doing anything wrong. if anything, we’re probably helping her. when she can go back to school and work, it’s not like she can sleep all day. but my wife is suddenly having second thoughts, and now wants to let her have an hour every day to sleep. i think she’s being manipulated by our daughter, she thinks maybe one nap per day isn’t as bad as we thought. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter has been staying with us since her school shut down, and has been doing an online internship over the summer. the issue is that she sleeps all the time. she refuses to wake up until 10 minutes before her job starts, and immediately sleeps for another hour or two after it ends. i’ve even caught her sleeping on her lunch break instead of eating. on the weekends, she won’t wake up until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. she complains about being tired all the time and insists she has “problems” sleeping at night, but refuses to try and go to bed earlier than 11 because “she just can’t sleep”. it sounds like pure laziness to me, but i hadn’t said much about it to her. three weeks ago she decided to take a nap at the table while we were trying to play a game with her, and that was the last straw. for the past couple of weeks my wife and i have been waking her up if we catch her sleeping during the day, and checking on her throughout the day to make sure she’s actually awake and not trying to sneak a nap in. we’re also waking her up by 9 on the weekends, and making sure she’s up at least an hour before her job starts so she can have breakfast with us. we think it’s going well. she’s awake when she’s supposed to be, and we don’t interfere with her sleeping at night. my daughter, however, is acting like we’re torturing her by making her stay awake. today she actually cried because i woke her up, and started an argument about it. we don’t think we’re doing anything wrong. if anything, we’re probably helping her. when she can go back to school and work, it’s not like she can sleep all day. but my wife is suddenly having second thoughts, and now wants to let her have an hour every day to sleep. i think she’s being manipulated by our daughter, she thinks maybe one nap per day isn’t as bad as we thought. aita? [/INST] yta - sleep deprivation is legitimately a form of torture. it is banned by the geneva convention, and prisoners have won millions of dollars from cases where tactics similar to what you describe have been used against them. some people are just not tired during the early parts of the night, and know that it doesn't work to try sleeping at the time. we just lay there completely awake for hours. it's really none of your business when she sleeps, as long as she can keep her job. </s>
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AITA for not wanting cookies my cousin "helped" make
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yesterday my mom and i dropped something off by my aunts house.
when we were over there my aunt asked if i wanted some cookies. at first i said sure. then she said "sally helped me make some yesterday ".
sally is my 5 year old cousin. whenever she "helps" bake or cook.... it's gross. she constantly is trying dough, sticking her fingers in stuff and then in her mouth repeatedly, and she doesn't wash her hands.
so when i found out sally was involved i said "no thanks".
my aunt asked why, i said i just changed my mind. she said "no, there's a reason ". i said "i don't know, sally's always sticking her fingers in stuff. i'm good".
my aunt got offended and said "what are you afraid of kid germs?"
i said "no i just don't want any cookies".
my aunt said i was being weird but whatever.
on the way home my mom said it was rude to reject a cookie my little cousin made. i said "yea.. just what i want, to eat kid slobber".
she claims since they were baked they'd be safe and i made a big deal over something all kids do.
aita
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vi7iow/aita_for_not_wanting_cookies_my_cousin_helped_make/
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2022-06-22 15:12:38
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nta. you're not obligated to eat anything, ever.
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nta. but sadly you won’t be informed next time about sally’s participation in the baking. so eat at your own risk 😂
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"my aunt asked why, i said i just changed my mind. she said "no, there's a reason "."
this tells me she already knew it was cuz her spawn sticks her booger fingers in the dough, she just wanted to force you to say it so she could berate you for "attacking" her precious angel.
technically yeah baking it should kill any germs, but you don't have to eat anything you don't want to.
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i’m an early years teacher and i regularly get gifted baked goods the kids made. i smile, thank them, hug them but never in a million years would i eat the food. thing is, i know *exactly* where their hands have been, how frequently they wash them without reminders, and exactly what they’ve stuck in their mouths. hard pass. you’re nta for not eating it, but perhaps if your cousin is present then accept the offering and throw it away later.
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nta you are not obliged to eat smth you don't feel like eating. and it's okay to be grossed out as well. you opinion doesn't need to be logical, it's just the way you feel about the food. i mean, sure, after being baked most of the germs are dead, but it still doesn't change there's somebody's slobber in the dough 🤷
let's say a cook spits into your omelette before frying, yes, germs are probably mostly dead, but the fact of his spit being there doesn't change. why do people think that when kids lick their fingers and dip them into the dough it's somehow different? or adorable? both are gross, for me at least
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so this brought up the question others are here debating. google is your friend, people! that's whether op's mom was right about germs being killed whilst cook/baking. not true. there are bacterias that while they are killed, their toxins are heat resistant and that's where :::drumroll::: food poisoning occurs. most prevelant: bacteria from unwashed hands.
op, you handled this gracefully. you simply said you changed your mind. auntie was the real ah here for pushing you on it (personally i would have evaded, deflected, left the room).
nta
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nta, that's gross as hell.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yesterday my mom and i dropped something off by my aunts house. when we were over there my aunt asked if i wanted some cookies. at first i said sure. then she said "sally helped me make some yesterday ". sally is my 5 year old cousin. whenever she "helps" bake or cook.... it's gross. she constantly is trying dough, sticking her fingers in stuff and then in her mouth repeatedly, and she doesn't wash her hands. so when i found out sally was involved i said "no thanks". my aunt asked why, i said i just changed my mind. she said "no, there's a reason ". i said "i don't know, sally's always sticking her fingers in stuff. i'm good". my aunt got offended and said "what are you afraid of kid germs?" i said "no i just don't want any cookies". my aunt said i was being weird but whatever. on the way home my mom said it was rude to reject a cookie my little cousin made. i said "yea.. just what i want, to eat kid slobber". she claims since they were baked they'd be safe and i made a big deal over something all kids do. aita
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
yesterday my mom and i dropped something off by my aunts house. when we were over there my aunt asked if i wanted some cookies. at first i said sure. then she said "sally helped me make some yesterday ". sally is my 5 year old cousin. whenever she "helps" bake or cook.... it's gross. she constantly is trying dough, sticking her fingers in stuff and then in her mouth repeatedly, and she doesn't wash her hands. so when i found out sally was involved i said "no thanks". my aunt asked why, i said i just changed my mind. she said "no, there's a reason ". i said "i don't know, sally's always sticking her fingers in stuff. i'm good". my aunt got offended and said "what are you afraid of kid germs?" i said "no i just don't want any cookies". my aunt said i was being weird but whatever. on the way home my mom said it was rude to reject a cookie my little cousin made. i said "yea.. just what i want, to eat kid slobber". she claims since they were baked they'd be safe and i made a big deal over something all kids do. aita [/INST] nta. you're not obligated to eat anything, ever. </s>
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AITA for resenting my sister over lost time with my deceased cat
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about a month ago i lost my cat of 15 years. his decline was quick. within about a week of finding masses in his body scan we had to put him down. we decided not to pursue chemo because we didn’t want him to spend his final years suffering just so that we could potentially extend his life.
towards the end, because his back legs were becoming arthritic, he couldn’t jump up onto my bed anymore. instead he was sleeping in my sister’s room, which had a futon that was lower to the ground. to try and rectify this i ordered steps to my bed off of amazon, but he didn’t take to them. i also didn’t want to force him to stay on my bed if it wasn’t where he naturally chose to be. the vet had told us by this point that he only had weeks left.
i asked my sister to switch rooms with me for a while so i could spend time with him at night. during the day he liked to be on the front porch or in our garden soaking up sun. he was hiding a lot, especially in the garden, so i particularly wanted to spend time with him during nights when he would be out in the open lounging on a pillow on the bed. at first she agreed, and slept in my room instead of her’s. that night she woke me up at the crack of dawn and abruptly kicked me out of her room when i was still cuddling my cat. she told me my bed wasn’t comfortable and she didn’t sleep well. i was groggy but i complied.
after that, i managed to convince her to sleep for a night on the pull-out couch in our living room. she let me sleep a full night but still woke me up early. she told me she would never do it again and that she wasn’t comfortable on the couch either. after this, both me and my mom tried to negotiate with her that i could maybe spend nights in her room two days a week with my cat, etc. when she didn’t shoot us down outright she told us maybe, but never agreed. my sister cited her crohn’s as a reason why she couldn’t - saying that the lack of sleep exacerbated her symptoms the next day. we pointed out to her that when she was in school she would sleep on couches/her friend’s floors when she stayed over their houses regularly. she kind of just told us that was then and this is now.
at this point, my cat was declining rapidly, and i was a mess. after all, i only had so much time left with him and the arguments were draining. my mom ended up convincing my sister to stay in a hotel two days before my cat was set to be put down. by that point, my cat was hiding deep in my sister’s closet (as many cats do when they’re ill because their predator instincts kick in and they don’t want to be vulnerable out in the open) and not on her bed. i slept as close to the closet as i could to let him know i was there. but i didn‘t get to cuddle or hold him while we slept again. a few times he came out onto a little pillow we set down for him in the closet that was closer to the side of the bed, and let me pet him. i think he was saying goodbye.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hugmxy/aita_for_resenting_my_sister_over_lost_time_with/
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2020-07-20 06:48:19
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yta, although grief is clearly clouding your judgement here so i think it's probably not a true yta.
she was more than accommodating and you and your mom trying to gaslight your ill sister about her symptoms and past sleeping habits is... not good.
i'm so sorry about your kitty :(
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yta
you literally kicked your sister out of her room and you are upset she came into her room early in the morning? you sound super self centered, sickly cat or not.
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i’m sorry, but it’s not your sister fault and it’s just a sad thing about pets, we out live them. won’t say y ta but your sister for sure isn’t. and you can’t resent her, take your time to grieve but don’t hold on to that anger.
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soft yta because of your loss, but you have been...pretty self centred. i can 100% empathise with the grief of losing a pet, but it sounds as though all of your feelings of loss and bereavement got focused into "i have to spend as many nights as possible cuddling the cat" and it blinded you to anything else - your sisters feelings about losing the cat, her health issues, the cats own choices, etc. i'm also a bit surprised that your mother weighed in and decided that your sister should *go to a hotel* to allow you to take over her room, joined in with downplaying/dismissing her illness and colluded in the idea that the most important thing in this situation was that you spent nights with the cat sleeping on your bed.
you said yourself that the cat was deciding more and more to find quiet, solitary places to rest, and choosing to come out only from time to time for human contact.
i think that focusing on "my sister made me miss out on x amount of time with my terminally ill cat" is a way of turning your grief into anger (understandable, but unfair). think about it - there isn't actually a number of nights you could have spent with the cat that would have made you feel "ok" about losing your pet.
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yta
i'm sorry about your cat - that's a very rough thing to go through - but none of this is your sisters fault. your feelings (that you resent her) are valid but you need to work through those and not blame her for them.
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yta you were prioritising an animal (alternatively your emotional attachment to an animal) over your sisters wellbeing. but honestly, given your replies, you seem to have perspective on this situation now, so i hope everything resolves as best it can for you
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nah
i totally understand where you are coming from and i would have wanted to spend as much time as possible with my beloved pet as well but your sister has a very serious chronic disease.
i „only“ have some trouble with my back and not getting proper sleep because of the wrong/uncomfortable sleeping would ruin my day too.
she already tried to compromise twice for you by sleeping one night on your bed and one on the couch. that isn’t something you should take for granted.
i used to sleep on an thin sleeping pad at festivals when i was 16 but now i am turning 30 and this would absolutely kill me to the point that i couldn’t properly walk the next day.
you completely dismissed her and her feelings and your mother kind of kicked her out of her own room for you to sleep in her bed. that must have hurt her too.
i would apologise to her and see whether you are able to fix that now before she becomes actually resentful towards you and your mother.
you can still grieve for your little furry friend while mending your relationship with your sister.
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yta, it isn’t her fault the cat chose her bed and your sister did try to accommodate but wasn’t sleeping well.
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i hate to say it, but yta - you and the mother in this story, especially for downplaying your sister's crohn's! you literally was trying to kick your sister out of her own room just because the cat liked being on her futon. honestly, i'm wondering if the cat was more hers or she did more for the cat as the cat wanted to be with her in her room.
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yta. i get that you wanted to spend time with your cat, but kicking your sister with a chronic illness out of her own bed? why would you not just move your own mattress to the floor for a few weeks? or found a small cot online that you could sleep on? how dare you take your anger out on her for doing what is best for her body, when you could have easily found other ways to accommodate your cat's needs to be close to the ground.
i'm sorry you are grieving for your pet. we lost our cat of 13 years recently and it was absolutely heartbreaking. but your sister didn't do anything wrong here. if it weren't for your selfishness in describing her, you might have even gotten an n a h judgement.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: about a month ago i lost my cat of 15 years. his decline was quick. within about a week of finding masses in his body scan we had to put him down. we decided not to pursue chemo because we didn’t want him to spend his final years suffering just so that we could potentially extend his life. towards the end, because his back legs were becoming arthritic, he couldn’t jump up onto my bed anymore. instead he was sleeping in my sister’s room, which had a futon that was lower to the ground. to try and rectify this i ordered steps to my bed off of amazon, but he didn’t take to them. i also didn’t want to force him to stay on my bed if it wasn’t where he naturally chose to be. the vet had told us by this point that he only had weeks left. i asked my sister to switch rooms with me for a while so i could spend time with him at night. during the day he liked to be on the front porch or in our garden soaking up sun. he was hiding a lot, especially in the garden, so i particularly wanted to spend time with him during nights when he would be out in the open lounging on a pillow on the bed. at first she agreed, and slept in my room instead of her’s. that night she woke me up at the crack of dawn and abruptly kicked me out of her room when i was still cuddling my cat. she told me my bed wasn’t comfortable and she didn’t sleep well. i was groggy but i complied. after that, i managed to convince her to sleep for a night on the pull-out couch in our living room. she let me sleep a full night but still woke me up early. she told me she would never do it again and that she wasn’t comfortable on the couch either. after this, both me and my mom tried to negotiate with her that i could maybe spend nights in her room two days a week with my cat, etc. when she didn’t shoot us down outright she told us maybe, but never agreed. my sister cited her crohn’s as a reason why she couldn’t - saying that the lack of sleep exacerbated her symptoms the next day. we pointed out to her that when she was in school she would sleep on couches/her friend’s floors when she stayed over their houses regularly. she kind of just told us that was then and this is now. at this point, my cat was declining rapidly, and i was a mess. after all, i only had so much time left with him and the arguments were draining. my mom ended up convincing my sister to stay in a hotel two days before my cat was set to be put down. by that point, my cat was hiding deep in my sister’s closet (as many cats do when they’re ill because their predator instincts kick in and they don’t want to be vulnerable out in the open) and not on her bed. i slept as close to the closet as i could to let him know i was there. but i didn‘t get to cuddle or hold him while we slept again. a few times he came out onto a little pillow we set down for him in the closet that was closer to the side of the bed, and let me pet him. i think he was saying goodbye.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
about a month ago i lost my cat of 15 years. his decline was quick. within about a week of finding masses in his body scan we had to put him down. we decided not to pursue chemo because we didn’t want him to spend his final years suffering just so that we could potentially extend his life. towards the end, because his back legs were becoming arthritic, he couldn’t jump up onto my bed anymore. instead he was sleeping in my sister’s room, which had a futon that was lower to the ground. to try and rectify this i ordered steps to my bed off of amazon, but he didn’t take to them. i also didn’t want to force him to stay on my bed if it wasn’t where he naturally chose to be. the vet had told us by this point that he only had weeks left. i asked my sister to switch rooms with me for a while so i could spend time with him at night. during the day he liked to be on the front porch or in our garden soaking up sun. he was hiding a lot, especially in the garden, so i particularly wanted to spend time with him during nights when he would be out in the open lounging on a pillow on the bed. at first she agreed, and slept in my room instead of her’s. that night she woke me up at the crack of dawn and abruptly kicked me out of her room when i was still cuddling my cat. she told me my bed wasn’t comfortable and she didn’t sleep well. i was groggy but i complied. after that, i managed to convince her to sleep for a night on the pull-out couch in our living room. she let me sleep a full night but still woke me up early. she told me she would never do it again and that she wasn’t comfortable on the couch either. after this, both me and my mom tried to negotiate with her that i could maybe spend nights in her room two days a week with my cat, etc. when she didn’t shoot us down outright she told us maybe, but never agreed. my sister cited her crohn’s as a reason why she couldn’t - saying that the lack of sleep exacerbated her symptoms the next day. we pointed out to her that when she was in school she would sleep on couches/her friend’s floors when she stayed over their houses regularly. she kind of just told us that was then and this is now. at this point, my cat was declining rapidly, and i was a mess. after all, i only had so much time left with him and the arguments were draining. my mom ended up convincing my sister to stay in a hotel two days before my cat was set to be put down. by that point, my cat was hiding deep in my sister’s closet (as many cats do when they’re ill because their predator instincts kick in and they don’t want to be vulnerable out in the open) and not on her bed. i slept as close to the closet as i could to let him know i was there. but i didn‘t get to cuddle or hold him while we slept again. a few times he came out onto a little pillow we set down for him in the closet that was closer to the side of the bed, and let me pet him. i think he was saying goodbye. [/INST] yta, although grief is clearly clouding your judgement here so i think it's probably not a true yta. she was more than accommodating and you and your mom trying to gaslight your ill sister about her symptoms and past sleeping habits is... not good. i'm so sorry about your kitty :( </s>
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AITA for calling a female friend who was walking home at night?
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i (22m) am on vacation visiting my long distance girlfriend in her home state. we met online right after i graduated from college in may.
she lives a decently far distance from me, so i had to make about a 7 hour drive to get to her city. i tend to reach out to friends whenever i have free time to sustain my relationships and just play catch-up since alot of us are in different cities. i'd like to think of myself as a reliable friend who is there for them when they need it, but this is of course subjective.
enough of the prelude, let's get into the story.
after day 1 of my trip, i had a female friend (my best friends girlfriend - he's away and isn't reachable by phone) text me at 1:30 am to see if i was awake and could call her while she walked home, she lives in nyc and i've dealt with my fair share of people to realize how tough and unsafe it can feel for a woman to be alone at night, albeit at 2 am. so i gave her a call and made sure i stayed on the line until she got home safe. all was well and i was glad to help a friend.
the next morning, my girlfriend came over to my hotel and looked through my phone and asked me who my female friend was. i obviously had nothing to hide so i even let her read our message thread of her thanking me for giving her a call. she even said things like "how are you and your girl doing? i hope you two are having fun." i thought nothing of it.
fast forward to today, i'm making the 7 hour trek back to my city and she calls me and tells me that "i talked to my friends and they all agree that your interaction with that girl is suspicious" and "i need to establish boundaries in my relationships with people of the opposite gender. i'm sure she has other female friends to call " this all obviously hit me by surprise. i told her that it's unfair to judge my relationships with my friends just because her friends don't do these things for each other and she found it very offensive. she became very accusatory and i am just so confused.
she tried bringing up the point that the last time i visited, she went through my phone and saw that i was texting a girl (one of my college best friends) about my trip to visit this girl. the big red flag was when my friend texted me "get home safe, text me when you're home" and she got really upset and said "she should only say that to her boyfriend, not mine. i don't like the way she interacts with you."
so reddit, aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/prlb3p/aita_for_calling_a_female_friend_who_was_walking/
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2021-09-20 01:56:13
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nta.
it sounds like she has some jealousy issues to work through. it’s fantastic that you have nothing to hide, but there is absolutely no reason she should be going through your phone, let alone twice. it’s like she’s looking for a reason to be angry with you.
this is red flag city, my friend.
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nta. your girlfriend is out of line. i have friends who i call to help wake up, and they do the same for me. i call friends when they're walking home to make sure they stay safe. keep doing good deeds man.
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nta, it sounds like your gf is either jealous or insecure. if she can't respect your platonic friendships, especially when you are being as transparent as you are, then is she really someone you want in your life?
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nta. but she... what... goes through your phone every time she sees you? why are you tolerating this? you two clearly have different ideas about what's acceptable behaviour outside the relationship, she shows controlling tendencies - it's not a winning combination.
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nta - you're gf sounds like a jealous type which is a big 🚩 for me. i wouldn't have dealt with that. relationships are all about trust and if she is questioning it then she needs to figure it out. well good luck!
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nta, if she doesn't like you having friends who are women, that's a red flag right there. you were being thoughtful and considerate, your friend's text made it clear that you had told her about your girlfriend, there's nothing there that should make your girlfriend suspicious. it's just controlling.
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nta and i’d cut your losses now before you waste anymore time. she saw the nature of the messages. she should be happy to have a considerate partner who has strong friendships where he can help his friend’s girlfriend walk home safely. if she’s going to act this way over this, it will only get worse.
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[deleted]
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🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 red flags going up! your girl has some serious trust issues going on that she’s letting show.
you’re definitely nta. you are genuinely being a good person.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22m) am on vacation visiting my long distance girlfriend in her home state. we met online right after i graduated from college in may. she lives a decently far distance from me, so i had to make about a 7 hour drive to get to her city. i tend to reach out to friends whenever i have free time to sustain my relationships and just play catch-up since alot of us are in different cities. i'd like to think of myself as a reliable friend who is there for them when they need it, but this is of course subjective. enough of the prelude, let's get into the story. after day 1 of my trip, i had a female friend (my best friends girlfriend - he's away and isn't reachable by phone) text me at 1:30 am to see if i was awake and could call her while she walked home, she lives in nyc and i've dealt with my fair share of people to realize how tough and unsafe it can feel for a woman to be alone at night, albeit at 2 am. so i gave her a call and made sure i stayed on the line until she got home safe. all was well and i was glad to help a friend. the next morning, my girlfriend came over to my hotel and looked through my phone and asked me who my female friend was. i obviously had nothing to hide so i even let her read our message thread of her thanking me for giving her a call. she even said things like "how are you and your girl doing? i hope you two are having fun." i thought nothing of it. fast forward to today, i'm making the 7 hour trek back to my city and she calls me and tells me that "i talked to my friends and they all agree that your interaction with that girl is suspicious" and "i need to establish boundaries in my relationships with people of the opposite gender. i'm sure she has other female friends to call " this all obviously hit me by surprise. i told her that it's unfair to judge my relationships with my friends just because her friends don't do these things for each other and she found it very offensive. she became very accusatory and i am just so confused. she tried bringing up the point that the last time i visited, she went through my phone and saw that i was texting a girl (one of my college best friends) about my trip to visit this girl. the big red flag was when my friend texted me "get home safe, text me when you're home" and she got really upset and said "she should only say that to her boyfriend, not mine. i don't like the way she interacts with you." so reddit, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22m) am on vacation visiting my long distance girlfriend in her home state. we met online right after i graduated from college in may. she lives a decently far distance from me, so i had to make about a 7 hour drive to get to her city. i tend to reach out to friends whenever i have free time to sustain my relationships and just play catch-up since alot of us are in different cities. i'd like to think of myself as a reliable friend who is there for them when they need it, but this is of course subjective. enough of the prelude, let's get into the story. after day 1 of my trip, i had a female friend (my best friends girlfriend - he's away and isn't reachable by phone) text me at 1:30 am to see if i was awake and could call her while she walked home, she lives in nyc and i've dealt with my fair share of people to realize how tough and unsafe it can feel for a woman to be alone at night, albeit at 2 am. so i gave her a call and made sure i stayed on the line until she got home safe. all was well and i was glad to help a friend. the next morning, my girlfriend came over to my hotel and looked through my phone and asked me who my female friend was. i obviously had nothing to hide so i even let her read our message thread of her thanking me for giving her a call. she even said things like "how are you and your girl doing? i hope you two are having fun." i thought nothing of it. fast forward to today, i'm making the 7 hour trek back to my city and she calls me and tells me that "i talked to my friends and they all agree that your interaction with that girl is suspicious" and "i need to establish boundaries in my relationships with people of the opposite gender. i'm sure she has other female friends to call " this all obviously hit me by surprise. i told her that it's unfair to judge my relationships with my friends just because her friends don't do these things for each other and she found it very offensive. she became very accusatory and i am just so confused. she tried bringing up the point that the last time i visited, she went through my phone and saw that i was texting a girl (one of my college best friends) about my trip to visit this girl. the big red flag was when my friend texted me "get home safe, text me when you're home" and she got really upset and said "she should only say that to her boyfriend, not mine. i don't like the way she interacts with you." so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. it sounds like she has some jealousy issues to work through. it’s fantastic that you have nothing to hide, but there is absolutely no reason she should be going through your phone, let alone twice. it’s like she’s looking for a reason to be angry with you. this is red flag city, my friend. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to meet my mother's boyfriend's son?
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i just recently got off the phone with my mother who was trying to convince me (and my older brother) to make time to meet her boyfriends kids this weekend for the holidays. now i'm 26 this year, my brother is 32, and the bf's son is around our age as well so we are all adults with our own lives going on. my mother has only been seriously dating this fellow for about 7 or 8 months now and apparently they are talking about settling down or whatever.
i told my mother blatantly that i don't see the purpose of setting time aside to meet his son at this time. her rebuttal was that the kids meeting is normal especially to see if they will get along etc etc. i told her we are all adults, not children living under the same roof or anything like that. she was not fond of that response and just told me that i'm making a big deal out of nothing and that this is a very natural thing to happen.
i know the bf offered for us to meet as a kind gesture and what not but i have my hesitations of meeting them. i've heard nothing but good things about him but at the same time i just don't see the point of seeing if "we'll get along" since we are all adults.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r03mu3/aita_for_not_wanting_to_meet_my_mothers/
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2021-11-23 03:23:09
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yta
this is clearly important to your mother. she isn't asking you to get bunk beds and share a room with this guy. she is asking that you meet him.
you can't take a few hours out of one day to have lunch with them or something?
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yta.
why in the world would you pick this hill to die on? do a small nice thing for your mom, since it is really no skin off your back and will make her happy. i mean, why not?
if you really want to earn brownie points, take everyone out to dinner and pick up the check!
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yta and somewhat shortsighted. sure you’re not going to be living with or getting close to these other people. but assuming your mom and this fellow hope to settle down (your “or whatever” shifted you from n-a-h to y-t-a, by the way), there will almost certainly come a time when you will need to communicate and hopefully be in good terms: one partner becomes ill, both partners want to change their wills, the parents become infirm and need care, etc.
she’s not asking you to declare them your bffs; she’s asking you to *meet* them. how hard can that be?
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based on the distance, it sounds like she wants to make this happen because you will be in town. you are the most important person (tied with siblings of course) to your mom, and her bf's son is the most important person to him. so she wants you all to meet.
nah, though you are coming closer to it than she is. just meet him. there really isn't a bad outcome here.
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yta - unless you have a good reason to not meet them i think it’s kind of shitty to refuse. why are you punishing your mom?
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nah i guess but i also don’t understand your resistance to such a small thing. what is the harm in going to a dinner? maybe your mom wants you guys to meet because she plans on integrating holidays and instead of meeting on those terms she would like to have something more casual first.
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you mother is excited to include you in her life, and have you meet the new people important in her life. why *not* meet the bf's kids and just enjoy seeing her happy? as you said, there's no pressure to "get along" and live under the same roof or something. nah
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yta your mother is asking you to do this, so it is evident it's important to her, but you can't be bothered to take a couple hours, and make her happy. that's pretty selfish.
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yta. if you're going to maintain a relationship with your mom and see her, you're going to meet this guy at some point. moreover, it's important to your mom that this meeting happens. the point of meeting him is to make your mom happy. is that not worth a couple of hours to you?
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my dad got remarried when i was 30. new wife has 2 sons a few years younger than me. i also am the only one who lives 7+ hours away from home, rest of my and new wife’s family are all pretty close. their relationship progressed fairly quickly, and so when i came home for the holidays, there was this whole new piece of the family there that i had never met, and now it was awkward. i mean there’s a new woman living in my childhood home, and is she supposed to be my stepmom now? do i call her kids my stepbrothers? very difficult transition, even as an adult.
fast forward 10 years, and these men, and their spouses and children, are present at every holiday - of course, they come to spend time with their mom just like i do with my dad. but we kinda hang out in our immediate family groups, and don’t blend too much. it’s really too bad.
because we are all adults, of course we’re not super close. i call “patty” my dad’s wife, and her kids “patty’s kids” instead of stepbrothers, because we weren’t raised together, but we are friendly and need to get along for family’s sake.
but i really wish i’d have gotten the opportunity you’re being presented with - to get to know and become comfortable with some basic strangers who were very soon to become part of my family, whether i really see them that way or not. it might have really alleviated some of the awkwardness that still comes up at thanksgiving, xmas, birthdays, funerals, baby showers, and any other random holiday or family event you can think of, because these people are going to be there. at least you’re getting the time to get to know mom’s bf, his kids, and whoever else is attached, and form some kind of common basis of friendliness with them, before you come home for the holidays and there are a bunch of people you don’t know in your house.
yta, op. it’s no skin off your back to meet and be nice to bf’s kid for a couple hours. i’m actually surprised you’re being given a choice with this, as opposed to mom telling you that bf’s family would be joining you for thanksgiving. would you rather meet them the first time at christmas dinner instead, and if you can’t stand them, not be able to say anything? at least your mom is giving you what sounds like the last veto approval she seems to want before she decides to marry this guy.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i just recently got off the phone with my mother who was trying to convince me (and my older brother) to make time to meet her boyfriends kids this weekend for the holidays. now i'm 26 this year, my brother is 32, and the bf's son is around our age as well so we are all adults with our own lives going on. my mother has only been seriously dating this fellow for about 7 or 8 months now and apparently they are talking about settling down or whatever. i told my mother blatantly that i don't see the purpose of setting time aside to meet his son at this time. her rebuttal was that the kids meeting is normal especially to see if they will get along etc etc. i told her we are all adults, not children living under the same roof or anything like that. she was not fond of that response and just told me that i'm making a big deal out of nothing and that this is a very natural thing to happen. i know the bf offered for us to meet as a kind gesture and what not but i have my hesitations of meeting them. i've heard nothing but good things about him but at the same time i just don't see the point of seeing if "we'll get along" since we are all adults.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i just recently got off the phone with my mother who was trying to convince me (and my older brother) to make time to meet her boyfriends kids this weekend for the holidays. now i'm 26 this year, my brother is 32, and the bf's son is around our age as well so we are all adults with our own lives going on. my mother has only been seriously dating this fellow for about 7 or 8 months now and apparently they are talking about settling down or whatever. i told my mother blatantly that i don't see the purpose of setting time aside to meet his son at this time. her rebuttal was that the kids meeting is normal especially to see if they will get along etc etc. i told her we are all adults, not children living under the same roof or anything like that. she was not fond of that response and just told me that i'm making a big deal out of nothing and that this is a very natural thing to happen. i know the bf offered for us to meet as a kind gesture and what not but i have my hesitations of meeting them. i've heard nothing but good things about him but at the same time i just don't see the point of seeing if "we'll get along" since we are all adults. [/INST] yta this is clearly important to your mother. she isn't asking you to get bunk beds and share a room with this guy. she is asking that you meet him. you can't take a few hours out of one day to have lunch with them or something? </s>
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AITA Fiancé accused me of punishing her by punishing my son... I don’t know what to think anymore.
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so some backstory of our situation. i have been home from work with my 3 year old son for about 2 weeks for some mental health issues. i’ve been seeing a therapist that tells me to be consistent with our son in his discipline and support things my fiancé says she needs help with to reduce my anxiety.
today was all about playtime while mom has been at work til about 2pm. she gets home and i’m grateful so that she can play with our son so i can get some things done uninterrupted. instead she just takes a nap... for three hours. disappointed, i continued to entertain him.
our neighbors brought their kids over and they were playing well and i could finally focus on my to do list. nope. my fiancé comes out and says “we’re done playing kiddo, gotta go to the movies!” he started crying and then she states “we’re going inside no matter what. you can listen, go inside and go to the movies or... throw a tantrum, go inside, and stay home.”
at this point he’s hitting and in full 3 year old meltdown. this continues until the time we were supposed to leave has passed. i tell him that he lost the movies for hitting mom, the time has passed and you missed it, but he can continue playing with his friend. my fiancé then blamed me for ruining her night even though she told him staying home would be the punishment. i followed through and tried to support her by listening and staying consistent. now i’m called the asshole.
in that time, me and my son went on a walk, had bath time, and put him to sleep with toy story, all of which she could have accompanied us in. i don’t know what to think of this or of myself. am i the asshole partner ruining her life or am i trying to do the right thing for my son? or is my perception fucked up somewhere?
| 151 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bygy04/aita_fiancé_accused_me_of_punishing_her_by/
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2019-06-09 05:15:00
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nta but your fiancee is. especially to your son. he cannot understand all that gibberish about going to the movie or not. too many steps, way too much cause and effect that is well beyond the comprehension of a kid his age. that doesn't kick in until a few years into elementary school so no matter what, she set your kid up for failure.
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info: maybe you should try talking to her about the discipline thing? but other than that nta. your fiancé could’ve easily gone to the movies by themself, or just followed through as you had
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nta im a mom to an almost 2yo and i feel like being consistent about disciplining a toddler is important. she was the one that brought up the punishment and is mad at you for going through with it seems unfair.
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nta it's just really unfortunate, she makes a threat, you follow through on it, she's upset you took her seriously.
a message for parents, don't make empty threats. if your kid decides it's worth it and you weren't serious, you dug yourself in hole.
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esh.
you two need to work on your communication. clearly you had different plans and expectations of the night.
had you known she wanted to go to the movies, you could have prepared your son for it, to avoid the meltdown.
you should also communicate whether it’s alright to need a break after work, or if there’s other duties to care for first.
the reason you both suck, is because communication is a two way street. you need to work together and help one another.
the only loser in this is your son. he gets mixed signals. dad says he can play with his friend, then mom comes along and demands a movie, for her own sake. it’s not what your son needs, it’s what she needs. he gets upset, and mom and dad argues. you need to work together, so you don’t undermine each other.
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she’s a bad parent. nta
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.105326 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so some backstory of our situation. i have been home from work with my 3 year old son for about 2 weeks for some mental health issues. i’ve been seeing a therapist that tells me to be consistent with our son in his discipline and support things my fiancé says she needs help with to reduce my anxiety. today was all about playtime while mom has been at work til about 2pm. she gets home and i’m grateful so that she can play with our son so i can get some things done uninterrupted. instead she just takes a nap... for three hours. disappointed, i continued to entertain him. our neighbors brought their kids over and they were playing well and i could finally focus on my to do list. nope. my fiancé comes out and says “we’re done playing kiddo, gotta go to the movies!” he started crying and then she states “we’re going inside no matter what. you can listen, go inside and go to the movies or... throw a tantrum, go inside, and stay home.” at this point he’s hitting and in full 3 year old meltdown. this continues until the time we were supposed to leave has passed. i tell him that he lost the movies for hitting mom, the time has passed and you missed it, but he can continue playing with his friend. my fiancé then blamed me for ruining her night even though she told him staying home would be the punishment. i followed through and tried to support her by listening and staying consistent. now i’m called the asshole. in that time, me and my son went on a walk, had bath time, and put him to sleep with toy story, all of which she could have accompanied us in. i don’t know what to think of this or of myself. am i the asshole partner ruining her life or am i trying to do the right thing for my son? or is my perception fucked up somewhere?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so some backstory of our situation. i have been home from work with my 3 year old son for about 2 weeks for some mental health issues. i’ve been seeing a therapist that tells me to be consistent with our son in his discipline and support things my fiancé says she needs help with to reduce my anxiety. today was all about playtime while mom has been at work til about 2pm. she gets home and i’m grateful so that she can play with our son so i can get some things done uninterrupted. instead she just takes a nap... for three hours. disappointed, i continued to entertain him. our neighbors brought their kids over and they were playing well and i could finally focus on my to do list. nope. my fiancé comes out and says “we’re done playing kiddo, gotta go to the movies!” he started crying and then she states “we’re going inside no matter what. you can listen, go inside and go to the movies or... throw a tantrum, go inside, and stay home.” at this point he’s hitting and in full 3 year old meltdown. this continues until the time we were supposed to leave has passed. i tell him that he lost the movies for hitting mom, the time has passed and you missed it, but he can continue playing with his friend. my fiancé then blamed me for ruining her night even though she told him staying home would be the punishment. i followed through and tried to support her by listening and staying consistent. now i’m called the asshole. in that time, me and my son went on a walk, had bath time, and put him to sleep with toy story, all of which she could have accompanied us in. i don’t know what to think of this or of myself. am i the asshole partner ruining her life or am i trying to do the right thing for my son? or is my perception fucked up somewhere? [/INST] nta but your fiancee is. especially to your son. he cannot understand all that gibberish about going to the movie or not. too many steps, way too much cause and effect that is well beyond the comprehension of a kid his age. that doesn't kick in until a few years into elementary school so no matter what, she set your kid up for failure. </s>
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AITA for not doing my husbands laundry anymore
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some context: my husband rarely does his own laundry. unless it’s a special event, i do all of our laundry including towels and bathroom mats.
i ran a load yesterday and my husband was bothered that it was on regular heat rather than low heat. he doesn’t like when his clothes are dried on high heat because they shrink a little bit. i have also always dried our clothes on regular heat and not high because of this so i didn’t really get where he was coming from. i told him he’s within his rights to prefer a method of washing and drying his clothes and i wouldn’t be doing his laundry anymore to avoid any conflict. i didn’t say this to be spiteful, it’s just that i do all of our laundry and if he doesn’t like what settings i leave the dryer on, i feel that he should be responsible for his own clothes. he got mad at me and said i wasn’t meeting him in the middle or compromising. aita?
| 780 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cx4baz/aita_for_not_doing_my_husbands_laundry_anymore/
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2019-08-29 17:50:36
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nta, he is a grown man who can do his own laundry. especially when he criticizes the way you do his laundry, despite never having an issue with it before. btw, asking him to do his own laundry is meeting him in the middle.
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>he got mad at me and said i wasn’t meeting him in the middle or compromising.
ahh yes, how rude of you to not do everything in the exact way he likes. (sarcasm).
you're nta. it may be a good idea to communicate/decide on a fair way to break-up the chores.
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nta. i do the laundry because i’m not confident that my partner wouldn’t ruin our clothes (ask me sometime about the great chapstik incident of 2003). in return, my partner does the dishes.
basically, the one who’s picky about it gets to be the one who does it.
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nta i do all the laundry in the house, including delicate items and hand wash. it takes a lot of time and so calls it the 'chinese laundry' as there are often things hanging everywhere to dry. they have recently started to complain that they want some clothes items ironed for flater shirt collars. i made space and set up the board for them and told them they can totally go for it. they were flabbergasted that i wouldn't do this one more thing. i'm already spending nearly 30+ min trying to get crazy stains out of their fancy hand wash shirts. i have to spend a full day *just* doing laundry and i'm sick of it.
i should have stopped ages ago. they thought i was making a big deal out of nothing because laundry was 'simple and easy'. they went a couple weeks trying not to do any laundry but when it came time they ruined several of their fancy clothes from hand washing 'too agressively', stains setting and using the wrong stain removers. i told hem to follow the tag directions and use the laundry book for stain removal but i guess it was too 'simple and easy' to follow. they utterly regret not wipping the iron out and doing it themselves.
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info: does he do other chores and take your views into consideration on how you prefer them done?
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if he likes it done a certain way, he should do it himself. nta.
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[deleted]
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info. does he do his share of chores? if laundry just isn't his thing but he contributes in other ways, you should make an effort to do it his way. it is annoying when clothes shrink and it would be a simple change for him to make. however, if he does not do any chores then he would be the ah for complaining about it.
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nta
honestly i didn't even need to read the complete post to come to their conclusion.
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nta. if he wants it to be done a certain way after all this time, he should do it. him refusing and making you do it isn’t meeting you in the middle, it’s giving you more labor that you don’t need to do.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some context: my husband rarely does his own laundry. unless it’s a special event, i do all of our laundry including towels and bathroom mats. i ran a load yesterday and my husband was bothered that it was on regular heat rather than low heat. he doesn’t like when his clothes are dried on high heat because they shrink a little bit. i have also always dried our clothes on regular heat and not high because of this so i didn’t really get where he was coming from. i told him he’s within his rights to prefer a method of washing and drying his clothes and i wouldn’t be doing his laundry anymore to avoid any conflict. i didn’t say this to be spiteful, it’s just that i do all of our laundry and if he doesn’t like what settings i leave the dryer on, i feel that he should be responsible for his own clothes. he got mad at me and said i wasn’t meeting him in the middle or compromising. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some context: my husband rarely does his own laundry. unless it’s a special event, i do all of our laundry including towels and bathroom mats. i ran a load yesterday and my husband was bothered that it was on regular heat rather than low heat. he doesn’t like when his clothes are dried on high heat because they shrink a little bit. i have also always dried our clothes on regular heat and not high because of this so i didn’t really get where he was coming from. i told him he’s within his rights to prefer a method of washing and drying his clothes and i wouldn’t be doing his laundry anymore to avoid any conflict. i didn’t say this to be spiteful, it’s just that i do all of our laundry and if he doesn’t like what settings i leave the dryer on, i feel that he should be responsible for his own clothes. he got mad at me and said i wasn’t meeting him in the middle or compromising. aita? [/INST] nta, he is a grown man who can do his own laundry. especially when he criticizes the way you do his laundry, despite never having an issue with it before. btw, asking him to do his own laundry is meeting him in the middle. </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend I'm concerned about her mindset regarding her weight and lifestyle?
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last night, i made a comment about how i need to weigh myself to see if i've gained weight. my so said she doesn't want to look at hers, and i asked her why? this turns into a discussion around how the world has tuned her to think you have to be really skinny, social media influence ect. she uses a lot of ig, twitter etc.
we've been together 5 years and through this time, we've never been the healthiest, or active (i used to cycle a lot, now not so much). for me, i struggle to put weight on, and she has gained a bit since we got together. i told her that her mindset is unhealthy, and that it worries me that in the future if she didn't try and deal with it that i might not find her attractive anymore.
this isn't the first time this topic has ever come up, but usually i am more subtle, e.g. "let's start to eat healthier", "you enjoyed when you started running, why don't you try it again" etc.
this turns into a full blown argument about how i'm being rude by telling her these things, i should love her for who she is, it's not a problem. i told her that it is for me, the whole mindset behind all of it is really unhealthy, i wanna try and help and support her. she took the whole conservation as "you think i'm getting fat" which isn't what i said, i think the way she's tuned to think has really destroyed her ability to talk and think about it in a different way.
this argument spilled over into today where she told me that i shouldn't have told her my concern about being attracted to her in the future, i should have told her in a nicer way. i don't think i was overly rude, and it's pretty difficult to be any nicer when having that conversation, she just doesn't like the topic.
reddit, aita?
| 427 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i5bqdg/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_im_concerned_about/
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2020-08-07 10:57:04
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yta. you didn’t say “i’m concerned for your health”, you said “if you put on more weight i might not find you attractive any more”. the idea that she should lose weight to appease your “standards” is degrading. if you had kept it about her health she would have probably not minded as much. although at least this way she knows you’re not a very nice person.
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yta. your language that you used here and with your girlfriend implies you’d rather have a thin, pretty girlfriend than a happy and healthy one.
she can care for her health without paying attention to the number on the scale.
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yta. constantly weighing yourself is significantly less of a healthy mindset than not weighing yourself specifically to avoid creating issues with obsessing over weight.
also “it worries me that in the future if she didn’t try and deal with it that i might not find her attractive anymore” what the fuck dude? are you really that shallow? i’m willing to bet your girlfriend isn’t even overweight you’re just part of the exact culture she’s trying to avoid.
you have the unhealthy mindset here, and you’re trying to force it on your gf who is looking after her mental health.
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yta
you say that you want her to become healthier for her and you wanna try "help and support her"
but your comment of "it worries me that in the future if she didn't try and deal with it that i might not find her attractive anymore." shows that that's not at all true
she doesnt want to look at her weight bc she knows it can be a slippery slope and it's easy to become obsessed.
if she's happy with herself and healthy, then why try make her change?
bc you're worried that if she becomes "fatter" she wont be your type anymore? that's very shallow of you to say, and kinda comes across as you dont really care about her.
i think you should really re-evaluate your stance on this, and put yourself in her shoes.
if it was her telling, and constantly hinting, at you to get healthier and lose weight even though you're happy with yourself and healthy, how would you feel?
bc if i was her, i'd probably feel pretty upset, too
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yta- “do this or i won’t be attracted to you anymore” is emotional blackmail. i hope she leaves you and finds someone who will adore every pound of her
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yta. she tells you that everything the media puts out pushes for this healthy slim body, which causes tons of mental health issues (body dysmorphia and eating disorders being the most common) and self esteem issues. you then tell her that her way of thinking is unhealthy when i guarantee you that *she already knows that and it causes her stress.* you rubbing it in just exacerbates the problem.
if you really do care about her and want to help her recover esteem, you start cooking for the two of you and do healthy balanced meals. you invite her to go on walks with you to increase activity while spending time with each other.
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yta. your first concern shouldn’t be whether or not you will find her attractive in the future...it should be about her health. getting on that scale is sometimes a reality not everyone is ready to face just yet and it can consume your thoughts and make you become obsessed. everyone’s weight loss journey is different and if she’s not ready to take it on, then she’s not. you can’t force her. maybe she’s happy with the way she is, and if that’s the case, let it go. but if it’s going to affect your relationship that greatly, then that’s something you also need to accept. you wouldn’t be the ah for breaking things off if it eventually affects your relationship and feelings for one another. but ywbta if you forced her to enter a lifestyle she doesn’t want or isn’t ready for.
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yta - you were rude and inconsiderate. there are plenty of way to have this discussion. you are trying to lie to us (or yourself) by saying that you think she was « tuned » by our environment (i suppose by tuned you mean influenced) whereas you are just a jerk who instead of taking his problems in his own hands reflects his insecurities on his girlfriend.
why don’t you start by going for walks with her and other mild form of exercise rather than attacking her by saying she is getting fat and will probably no longer find her attractive in the future? how would you have taken it if the roles were reversed?
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nta people in here saying that you are ah for saying you won't find her attractive after she gets fat. so what she can do whatever she wants regardless of her partner and he has to like it? even if he gave ultimatum and said lose weight or me it would be ok thing to do. if guy turns deadbeat then woman can and should give him same ultimatum. everyone has right to be with a partner they desire and love.
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info. you are not obliged to find all body types attractive. your concerns for her weight could certainly have been phrased more tactfully though. media certainly does push unrealistic body ideals on women (and men) and i can't really blame anyone for rejecting such pressures from their so. but there is the other extreme as well, enablers that slap a "happy and healthy" label on anything in the name body positivity.
your post lacks the information necessary to determine where on that spectrum this situation falls on.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.057628 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last night, i made a comment about how i need to weigh myself to see if i've gained weight. my so said she doesn't want to look at hers, and i asked her why? this turns into a discussion around how the world has tuned her to think you have to be really skinny, social media influence ect. she uses a lot of ig, twitter etc. we've been together 5 years and through this time, we've never been the healthiest, or active (i used to cycle a lot, now not so much). for me, i struggle to put weight on, and she has gained a bit since we got together. i told her that her mindset is unhealthy, and that it worries me that in the future if she didn't try and deal with it that i might not find her attractive anymore. this isn't the first time this topic has ever come up, but usually i am more subtle, e.g. "let's start to eat healthier", "you enjoyed when you started running, why don't you try it again" etc. this turns into a full blown argument about how i'm being rude by telling her these things, i should love her for who she is, it's not a problem. i told her that it is for me, the whole mindset behind all of it is really unhealthy, i wanna try and help and support her. she took the whole conservation as "you think i'm getting fat" which isn't what i said, i think the way she's tuned to think has really destroyed her ability to talk and think about it in a different way. this argument spilled over into today where she told me that i shouldn't have told her my concern about being attracted to her in the future, i should have told her in a nicer way. i don't think i was overly rude, and it's pretty difficult to be any nicer when having that conversation, she just doesn't like the topic. reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last night, i made a comment about how i need to weigh myself to see if i've gained weight. my so said she doesn't want to look at hers, and i asked her why? this turns into a discussion around how the world has tuned her to think you have to be really skinny, social media influence ect. she uses a lot of ig, twitter etc. we've been together 5 years and through this time, we've never been the healthiest, or active (i used to cycle a lot, now not so much). for me, i struggle to put weight on, and she has gained a bit since we got together. i told her that her mindset is unhealthy, and that it worries me that in the future if she didn't try and deal with it that i might not find her attractive anymore. this isn't the first time this topic has ever come up, but usually i am more subtle, e.g. "let's start to eat healthier", "you enjoyed when you started running, why don't you try it again" etc. this turns into a full blown argument about how i'm being rude by telling her these things, i should love her for who she is, it's not a problem. i told her that it is for me, the whole mindset behind all of it is really unhealthy, i wanna try and help and support her. she took the whole conservation as "you think i'm getting fat" which isn't what i said, i think the way she's tuned to think has really destroyed her ability to talk and think about it in a different way. this argument spilled over into today where she told me that i shouldn't have told her my concern about being attracted to her in the future, i should have told her in a nicer way. i don't think i was overly rude, and it's pretty difficult to be any nicer when having that conversation, she just doesn't like the topic. reddit, aita? [/INST] yta. you didn’t say “i’m concerned for your health”, you said “if you put on more weight i might not find you attractive any more”. the idea that she should lose weight to appease your “standards” is degrading. if you had kept it about her health she would have probably not minded as much. although at least this way she knows you’re not a very nice person. </s>
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AITA for making fun of my dad for being a middle school teacher as his profession?
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i (f19) recently got a job on campus as a secretary. i was visiting my parents this week since i live a 40 min train ride away and over dinner my dad (m45) started teasing me about this job.
he was saying that it must have been a mistake to hire me since i hate answering phones or talking on the phone in general and that i’m a messy person who’s disorganized with stuff.
i didn’t appreciate this and it rubbed me the wrong way. i snapped at him and said at least i’ll eventually get a job that’ll require more skills than his. he asked what i meant and i said there’s the saying ‘those who can’t do, teach’ exists for a reason and that teaching middle school kids is basically a backup plan for most people if they can’t do better.
my mom texted me a few hours later when i got back to campus that what i said really hurt my dad and that he’s taking it to heart and that i owe him a gigantic apology.
i don’t think i should apologize. he is the one who started making fun of my job as a secretary first, which i thought was rude and not funny at all. (and why are his feelings and ego so important but mine aren’t?)
aita???
(also btw, i know what i said about teachers was dumb. i don’t believe that at all about teachers, and i know my dad does it because he genuinely loves it and he’s great with kids)
| 160 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xkesbq/aita_for_making_fun_of_my_dad_for_being_a_middle/
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2022-09-21 19:42:58
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yta - he teases you about not liking to talk on the phone, you clap back by shitting on his entire career. reasonable
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yta
what a disgusting thing to say. your dad was being playful and you were just an asshole.
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you insulted your father’s profession. the profession that allowed him to provide for you and your family. i understand some ribbing / joking around and such between family members but you took a typical joke made by a dad, blew it out of proportion and genuinely tried to insult him. yta.
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esh
your father didn't respect your job and it upset you. rightfully so, he should be kinder and actually happy that you're working as many college kids do not.
you in turn insulted his profession, which is a really difficult one and definitely deserves respect. i'm sure you were taught that two wrongs don't make a right. yet you tit-for-tatted him.
is it possible he was teasing you in a friendly way? maybe. but you attacked his life choice in a really rude way.
you should apologize, and so should he.
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yta. he was teasing you and in response you purposely hurt him by making fun of him for doing something you admit he loves and is good at. you do owe him an apology.
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yta. i give jr high teachers all the credit in the world. my husband is a high school and jr high coach, and i don't know how he does it. jr high kids are generally hormonal ahs. i wouldn't do it for anything. you owe your dad a huge apology.
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**yta**
you want to be taken seriously and treated like a grownup, but your response to your father was the epitome of teenaged immaturity. you lashed out at him by saying the meanest thing you could think of (you even admit that you understand that none of what you said was true, that it was hateful and horribly cruel) to hurt him as much as you could, without even stopping to think about whether he deserved it.
and the worst part is that he didn't. he wasn't even being mean to you.
he didn't make "make fun of your job as a secretary". it sounds like he was making a gentle joke about you not being personally suited to a job where you are literally responsible for keeping other people on schedule or being the go-to phone person, because you have a history of being particularly disorganised and talking on the phone is one of your least favourite things. like, he didn't even insult you. the worst thing he said was to suggest that you're disorganised . . . which almost every teenager is! and saying, "you hate talking on the phone and now it's your job, lol," isn't remotely mean. it's the sort of thing most people would agree about and laugh along with! if anything, it sounds like he's sympathising in a jokey way: "omg, these are your least favourite things and now you have to do them as a job! what a nightmare!"
and you turned around and gave it to him with both barrels. wtf?
you belittled his job. you told him it wasn't even a real career, and that he wasn't even a smart or accomplished enough human to do any better with his life. you were awful to him. you overreacted x 1000.
i suggest a huge apology, and then therapy to understand why you would react so horribly to a gentle joke.
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yta but your dad didn’t need to insult you either, so maybe everyone is. there are better ways to respond.
i have a soft spot for teachers, they have one of the hardest, most important jobs in the world. underpaid and under appreciated.
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yta - i work in a 6 through 12 school and our middle school teachers all went to school specifically to teach middle schoolers. it's not a back up career for failed teachers.
you should apologize to your dad and tell him teasing about your job triggers you.
also change your attitude about teachers.
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yta. i would say esh, but frankly, your offense so outweighs it that it doesn't count.
> i know what i said about teachers was dumb. i don’t believe that at all about teachers, and i know my dad does it because he genuinely loves it and he’s great with kids
did you ever tell him that? because the utter contempt society has for teachers right now is despicable. now you are part of the problem. you are the reason your dad cries in the car and hates his job. when he complains about entitled parents and a society that hates him, that's you... and you brought it into his home. it doesn't matter what support he has given you (either money, or his presence at after-school activities, or giving you food, or letting you use his laundry machine). he now forever knows his daughter holds him in contempt. shame.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f19) recently got a job on campus as a secretary. i was visiting my parents this week since i live a 40 min train ride away and over dinner my dad (m45) started teasing me about this job. he was saying that it must have been a mistake to hire me since i hate answering phones or talking on the phone in general and that i’m a messy person who’s disorganized with stuff. i didn’t appreciate this and it rubbed me the wrong way. i snapped at him and said at least i’ll eventually get a job that’ll require more skills than his. he asked what i meant and i said there’s the saying ‘those who can’t do, teach’ exists for a reason and that teaching middle school kids is basically a backup plan for most people if they can’t do better. my mom texted me a few hours later when i got back to campus that what i said really hurt my dad and that he’s taking it to heart and that i owe him a gigantic apology. i don’t think i should apologize. he is the one who started making fun of my job as a secretary first, which i thought was rude and not funny at all. (and why are his feelings and ego so important but mine aren’t?) aita??? (also btw, i know what i said about teachers was dumb. i don’t believe that at all about teachers, and i know my dad does it because he genuinely loves it and he’s great with kids)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f19) recently got a job on campus as a secretary. i was visiting my parents this week since i live a 40 min train ride away and over dinner my dad (m45) started teasing me about this job. he was saying that it must have been a mistake to hire me since i hate answering phones or talking on the phone in general and that i’m a messy person who’s disorganized with stuff. i didn’t appreciate this and it rubbed me the wrong way. i snapped at him and said at least i’ll eventually get a job that’ll require more skills than his. he asked what i meant and i said there’s the saying ‘those who can’t do, teach’ exists for a reason and that teaching middle school kids is basically a backup plan for most people if they can’t do better. my mom texted me a few hours later when i got back to campus that what i said really hurt my dad and that he’s taking it to heart and that i owe him a gigantic apology. i don’t think i should apologize. he is the one who started making fun of my job as a secretary first, which i thought was rude and not funny at all. (and why are his feelings and ego so important but mine aren’t?) aita??? (also btw, i know what i said about teachers was dumb. i don’t believe that at all about teachers, and i know my dad does it because he genuinely loves it and he’s great with kids) [/INST] yta - he teases you about not liking to talk on the phone, you clap back by shitting on his entire career. reasonable </s>
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AITA for looking back at someone during a performance?
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my so and i went to see a performance of the nutcracker yesterday. it was a mid-day performance and we sat on the balcony. we were dressed up, everyone else was dressed up, tickets weren't cheap ($50 for balcony seats).
prior to the show starting, a group sat in the row behind us with a couple of toddlers. one of them was continually talking, babbling, yelling, and asking the same questions over and over again, but the performance hadn't started yet.
once it did, the kid kept making the same noises, often above a normal talking volume. the woman who i assume was the kid's mom did some weak shushing that didn't really work. eventually, about 5 minutes in with continual disruption, i turned and looked back briefly (just a glance, no staring).
it continued like this off and on for the entire first act and wasn't just an occasional disruption. i glanced back a few (maybe 3) more times, again briefly. admittedly i was trying to send a message.
eventually, still during the show, the mother said (after i had already been facing forward again) "do you really have to turn around every time she says something?", also in a normal talking volume, not a whisper.
i stayed facing forward for a second, then turned and said "if i turned around every time she said something i'd never be looking at the stage".
my so who had not done much so far said "they have performances for kids to go to" (this was correct, they have abridged performances for children).
the mom just told us to face forward, but i couldn't enjoy the show so i left at intermission.
aita for glancing back at the kid and their mom?
| 1,028 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zk0jx4/aita_for_looking_back_at_someone_during_a/
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2022-12-12 14:27:26
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nta- as someone who works at a performance arts theatre that puts on the nutcracker every december, this is a constant issue. people pay good money for these shows and then they are disrupted by kids and their parents do not care at all. the mother should be taken the kid out if they wont stop talking it's distracting to other people. next time i highly suggest you tell an usher and they can talk to the mother for you. that's what they're there for and you don't need to get involved directly.
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nta. these kinds of parents are literally the worst. i would have gotten my money back.
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nta. don't take your small children to a performance show if they can't keep quiet and disrupts the other guests. or at the very least she could've left with her toddler for a few minutes until the kid calmed down.
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nta you take the toddler to the other show. if you do take the toddler to this show and they are not quiet, you walk out with them. do people not do this anymore?
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**nta**
but the next time this goes on for more than a couple of minutes, go get an usher. it is their job to "politely encourage" disruptive people (or people with small, disruptive children) to leave the theatre until they (or their offspring) can stop disrupting the performance, which is also stressful for performers, who very much appreciate your tagging in and getting a staff member to deal with it.
let me be clear, btw: i adore small children, and i believe there is a place for them in the theatre. and i will death-glare the first person who tries to chalk this up to "maybe the child was neurodivergent". nope. i have worked with small children off and on for over 30 years. and i am autistic, and my parents started taking me to the theatre when i was a toddler. they began with dedicated children's theatre, but i actually went to see the nutcracker (coincidentally) at canada's national arts centre theatre when i was 4 years old. my tiny autistic self behaved beautifully, i'm told. i was rapt. well . . . okay, at intermission it's possible that i went out to the lobby and danced my little heart out, including my party dress somehow ending up over my head from all my tiny ballerina excitement, hahaha. but it seems that there was applause, so nothing disruptive.
and the important point is this: it was made very clear to me (as it always was on theatre outings) that once the lights came down in the theatre, my mouth was to stay shut, that it was a very special privilege to be allowed to go to the theatre like a grownup, and see something so beautiful, and that if i couldn't be quiet and sit nicely (either in my seat or on my mum's lap), then i would have to leave. no fuss, but we couldn't stay either. loud, fussy children aren't allowed to stay and disrupt other people's enjoyment.
small children can absolutely be taken to the theatre - even to non-child-specific showings. but learning how to behave is, in fact, a learning process, and one that parents have to be willing to be actively involved in. and if they aren't willing to put in the work, then events where they are disruptive to others and to the performers who work so hard are probably not for their family.
all of which is a long way of saying: you are absolutely nta, but in future please don't let anyone ruin it for you. the ushers and theatre staff are there to support your enjoyment of the show. let them do that. they're usually stationed around the theatre for exactly that reason, so you can easily grab one and ask for their assistance.
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nta! the parents who refuse to parent or have any kind of common courtesy for other people are the worst! the kinds that think they're entitled to let their children run amok while everyone else has to suffer is inconsiderate, selfish, rude & shouldn't be tolerated. people who think it's okay to disturb others and let their kids do the same do a disservice to everyone - including the kids who will grow up thinking they don't have to respect anyone because their parents allow them to encroach on & bother everyone else. smh. definitely nta! the mother should have taken the kids out of the theater - that simple!
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nta. equivalent to taking a crying baby to movie theater. you know your kids, you know they'll be like that. so don't go or hire a baby sitter. why should other people suffer just so only you can enjoy the show.
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so wait
instead of talking to an usher and having them handle the situation...you just left?
go complain
tell them the children are talking throughout the performance. ask the usher to warn the mother that they will be asked to leave if they can't be quiet
never engage people personally like this. let the employees do their jobs
esh..not because you were in the wrong for being annoyed, but because you should have let the employees deal with this instead of handling it yourself
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nta. those people were ah to bring a kid that young to the show. it’s horribly inconsiderate. instead of leaving, i would have found an usher during intermission and ask it he could handle the situation so that everyone could enjoy the show they paid to see.
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nta. well done for standing up to her. you could have taken it up with the theatre, arguing that you were unable to enjoy the show; you'd probably get a partial refund, and more importantly, it would motivate the theatre to make it clear what behavior is expected.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my so and i went to see a performance of the nutcracker yesterday. it was a mid-day performance and we sat on the balcony. we were dressed up, everyone else was dressed up, tickets weren't cheap ($50 for balcony seats). prior to the show starting, a group sat in the row behind us with a couple of toddlers. one of them was continually talking, babbling, yelling, and asking the same questions over and over again, but the performance hadn't started yet. once it did, the kid kept making the same noises, often above a normal talking volume. the woman who i assume was the kid's mom did some weak shushing that didn't really work. eventually, about 5 minutes in with continual disruption, i turned and looked back briefly (just a glance, no staring). it continued like this off and on for the entire first act and wasn't just an occasional disruption. i glanced back a few (maybe 3) more times, again briefly. admittedly i was trying to send a message. eventually, still during the show, the mother said (after i had already been facing forward again) "do you really have to turn around every time she says something?", also in a normal talking volume, not a whisper. i stayed facing forward for a second, then turned and said "if i turned around every time she said something i'd never be looking at the stage". my so who had not done much so far said "they have performances for kids to go to" (this was correct, they have abridged performances for children). the mom just told us to face forward, but i couldn't enjoy the show so i left at intermission. aita for glancing back at the kid and their mom?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my so and i went to see a performance of the nutcracker yesterday. it was a mid-day performance and we sat on the balcony. we were dressed up, everyone else was dressed up, tickets weren't cheap ($50 for balcony seats). prior to the show starting, a group sat in the row behind us with a couple of toddlers. one of them was continually talking, babbling, yelling, and asking the same questions over and over again, but the performance hadn't started yet. once it did, the kid kept making the same noises, often above a normal talking volume. the woman who i assume was the kid's mom did some weak shushing that didn't really work. eventually, about 5 minutes in with continual disruption, i turned and looked back briefly (just a glance, no staring). it continued like this off and on for the entire first act and wasn't just an occasional disruption. i glanced back a few (maybe 3) more times, again briefly. admittedly i was trying to send a message. eventually, still during the show, the mother said (after i had already been facing forward again) "do you really have to turn around every time she says something?", also in a normal talking volume, not a whisper. i stayed facing forward for a second, then turned and said "if i turned around every time she said something i'd never be looking at the stage". my so who had not done much so far said "they have performances for kids to go to" (this was correct, they have abridged performances for children). the mom just told us to face forward, but i couldn't enjoy the show so i left at intermission. aita for glancing back at the kid and their mom? [/INST] nta- as someone who works at a performance arts theatre that puts on the nutcracker every december, this is a constant issue. people pay good money for these shows and then they are disrupted by kids and their parents do not care at all. the mother should be taken the kid out if they wont stop talking it's distracting to other people. next time i highly suggest you tell an usher and they can talk to the mother for you. that's what they're there for and you don't need to get involved directly. </s>
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AITA for making a baby blanket that my coworkers newborn ended up being allergic to?
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i (19m) made a blanket for my coworker (24f) as a present for her baby boy that was due the next month. it was 100% cotton, handmade, and free, as it was just me being nice. once he was born, she was overjoyed. but when she used the blanket to swaddle her son, he ended up getting a rash from the material. she blamed me, and accused me of being inconsiderate and not taking caution of her child's allergy. i argued that he was a newborn and it was a gift, informing her that nobody can know the allergies of their child before they are born. she got upset and demanded i made her a new blanket that her child wasn't allergic to. i refused because 1) she didn't pay me for anything the first time 2) she refused to pay me for anything this time and 3) i don't have the time anymore, as i have other orders to make for actual paying customers. i told her that i would reconsider if she offered to pay the labor fee, and i could waive her material cost as a discount, but this wasn't good enough for her. so, i gotta ask, aita for not making her another blanket?
| 2,879 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p689la/aita_for_making_a_baby_blanket_that_my_coworkers/
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2021-08-17 17:23:01
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nta, clearly.
however - is the baby actually allergic to cotton? could it be something else like detergent and the blanket just needs a wash in something different?
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nta. your coworker has some nerve! she is quite the entitled selfish self centered ah.
don’t make her another blanket! she can spend her own money to buy a blanket for her own child.
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nta
she has no right to that sort of demand for your labor.
and i really doubt that a 100% cotton blanket is what caused the problem. i'm more inclined to consider the clothes the baby was wearing under the blanket, or else something used when washing the child, their clothes, or the blanket. or, if the blanket wasn't washed between when you made it and when she used it, it may have picked up something that caused a problem, or some type of treatment on the yarn from the factory may have caused a problem. (yarns and fabrics often have a treatment on them to keep them looking clean through shipping and being at the store, that washes out.)
she might try washing the blanket before using it again. and then a second wash cycle without detergent, to make sure no residue from detergent is left.
dryer sheets can also cause a problem for some people's skin.
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i've been working with people for allergies for almost 40 years and i can tell you that i have never seen an allergy to cotton, it is almost unheard of. it might be the detergent or dryer sheets are highly allergenic. but anyway you look at it the way she acted was absolutely ridiculous. and to demand you make another blanket? that girl's got some problems.
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nta you can't have been the only person to gift something made of cotton.
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nta.
you gave it as a gift, you didn't know her kid had an allergy, she didn't know he had an allergy, and on top of that, it was free! now, she's demanding another? ignore her.
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what the…? you didn’t take an unborn baby’s unknown allergies into account? of course, nta. it’s unfortunate that the baby is allergic to cotton (although i wonder if it’s actually an allergy to the laundry detergent or something), but that is not something you could have anticipated.
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i'm confuzzled. you made the baby a blanket before said baby was born, but you were supposed to know the baby was allergic? by that logic, i can only assume that mom knew the baby was allergic, and still used it on the baby.
sarcasm aside, she is a new mom with what i assume is her first baby. she is freaking out right now, very overwhelmed. give her some time to come around & get her act together. if she does not, too bad for her.
in the mean time, do not make her another blanket, whether she pays for the materials or not.
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nta. you gave a very nice gift and while it is unfortunate the baby is allergic to it ... her attitude makes her the asshole.
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nta!
do you have any pets at home? cotton allergies are super super rare.
tell her to go pound sand. you owe her nothing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (19m) made a blanket for my coworker (24f) as a present for her baby boy that was due the next month. it was 100% cotton, handmade, and free, as it was just me being nice. once he was born, she was overjoyed. but when she used the blanket to swaddle her son, he ended up getting a rash from the material. she blamed me, and accused me of being inconsiderate and not taking caution of her child's allergy. i argued that he was a newborn and it was a gift, informing her that nobody can know the allergies of their child before they are born. she got upset and demanded i made her a new blanket that her child wasn't allergic to. i refused because 1) she didn't pay me for anything the first time 2) she refused to pay me for anything this time and 3) i don't have the time anymore, as i have other orders to make for actual paying customers. i told her that i would reconsider if she offered to pay the labor fee, and i could waive her material cost as a discount, but this wasn't good enough for her. so, i gotta ask, aita for not making her another blanket?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (19m) made a blanket for my coworker (24f) as a present for her baby boy that was due the next month. it was 100% cotton, handmade, and free, as it was just me being nice. once he was born, she was overjoyed. but when she used the blanket to swaddle her son, he ended up getting a rash from the material. she blamed me, and accused me of being inconsiderate and not taking caution of her child's allergy. i argued that he was a newborn and it was a gift, informing her that nobody can know the allergies of their child before they are born. she got upset and demanded i made her a new blanket that her child wasn't allergic to. i refused because 1) she didn't pay me for anything the first time 2) she refused to pay me for anything this time and 3) i don't have the time anymore, as i have other orders to make for actual paying customers. i told her that i would reconsider if she offered to pay the labor fee, and i could waive her material cost as a discount, but this wasn't good enough for her. so, i gotta ask, aita for not making her another blanket? [/INST] nta, clearly. however - is the baby actually allergic to cotton? could it be something else like detergent and the blanket just needs a wash in something different? </s>
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AITA For telling my GF she doesn't need to keep breastpumping
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we have a 4.5 month old daughter. my gf always has been pro natural milk. i see the advantages of both natural milk and formula. when she was still on maternity leave everything was ok. baby was eating from her breast.
since she started working again she also had to start breastpumping to keep up with the natural milk. she wants to do this so we invest in a nice, lightweight pump. she gets permission from her work to take the necessary breaks etc.
however she is keeping to a schedule which will optimise the flow of milk as long as possible. this means getting up at 6am and doing a final pump at 10.30pm. and she's dead tired. and whining about not getting enough sleep. and honestly not fun to be around. everything resolves about keeping that schedule.
and last night at 9pm i suggested that she'd skip her late-night pump and get some sleep. i'd do baby's last bottle (as i often do) so she'd just have to get into bed. and i got an earfull. about how i don't care about the baby and some stuff about antibodies and that she's getting her covid-vaccine soon (she's in healthcare) and that it'd be good for baby to get those antibodies as well. been getting the cold shoulder since...
| 2,444 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lnfq7e/aita_for_telling_my_gf_she_doesnt_need_to_keep/
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2021-02-19 13:22:14
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yta. you can’t just skip a pumping session, that’s not how it works. if she skips, the milk is still there, skipping solves no problems at all.
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>. and honestly not fun to be around.
this alone makes yta
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yta - if she just skips a session like you suggested she’ll wake up in pain, poss having soaked herself/bed and could develop mastitis. if you have a problem with her attitude from being tired see if you can help out more by helping clean the pump parts, taking care of the baby so she can nap/rest. bfing can be very beneficial for the antibodies she’s producing. in the future try bringing baby to her to twilight nurse.
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as a mom that nursed....she's tired and no matter how tired she is you should encourage her. if she decides tomorrow to stop pumping-support that.
i nursed both my kids for a looooooong time. never did my husband discourage me.
neither of you are assholes...you are tired parents.
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yta
you don't understand breastfeeding. you can not just "skip a pump". your breasts need to be expressed every few hours or they will become engorged, inflamed, painful, and even infected. you can get severe infections from not expressing properly like mastitis. leaving the breast milk unexpressed causes pain to the mother. not sticking to a regular schedule causes pain to the mother. do you want your girlfriend to be in severe pian in her breasts? do you think that is going to improve her mood?
who says she has to be happy and in a good mood all the time when she's doing the hardest thing a woman will ever do for the sake of her baby? huh? why can't she be fully commited to something that is hard? why can't she be fully commited to something that is exhausting? why can't she complain about the very real hardships this causes her? people complain about shit all the time. this shit is difficult and exhausting but also in the best intrests of her baby so asking her to just give up because she is not happy enough for you is insulting to her. it's not about you. it's about the baby who she is currently sacrificing her body and comfort and sleep for. do better as a dad and a partner. you can listen to a little bitching in return for all she does for your child.
learn a little bit about breastfeeding and whats involved before you start making impossible suggestions that are not valid at all and will only lead to more pain and suffering for your girlfriend. in general people should not talk about things when they don't have a single clue how they work. telling her what she can do with her body while being 100 percent wrong is not helpful at all. she can not skip a pump. she can not leave breast milk unexpressed for hours. it is impossible because that's not the way her body works when it's lactating. that milk needs to come out. the body is constantly refilling the boobs if they are overfull they are painful. if it's not expressed the pressure will build up to unbearable levels causing pain and inflammation and infection. your suggestion is naive because you have zero clue how her body works.
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sorry but... yta. breast feeding and expressing manually are very taxing work. it’s also an extremely personal decision that is intrinsic to motherhood for a lot of mums. yeah it sucks and she will (rightfully) complain about lack of sleep. it’s one of those situations where you gotta help where you can and encourage her. as long as she’s making her own choice to provide breast milk, support it.
bonus: it’s way more affordable than formula.
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i wouldn’t say you’re necessarily ta but you don’t understand how hard it is to keep a milk supply flowing. your baby needs milk for another eight months and your wife wants to supply that. if a woman doesn’t express milk then her breasts can become engorged, which is painful, and she could develop mastitis. unfortunately, if a woman doesn’t wean herself off nursing it can become painful, can’t just “skip a session”. if she’s pumping then you could offer to take over nighttime feedings so she gets a little more sleep.
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yta
she's going above and beyond for your child and you're griping that she's tired and "honestly not fun to be around". wonder what she'd say about you?
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i think your intentions are good but yta. unless you are, yourself, actively producing breast milk, you have no idea what that's like and what it entails. none whatsoever. is it inconvenient for everyone involved except the baby? it sure is. would mama loooooooooooooove to get that extra 30 minutes of sleep? you betcha. but she's doing what's best for your baby and holy shitballs my dude, you need to support that, not pretend you know what's best. because you do not.
congratulations on your little one, but... stay in your lane on this one.
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yta
this isn't about you.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we have a 4.5 month old daughter. my gf always has been pro natural milk. i see the advantages of both natural milk and formula. when she was still on maternity leave everything was ok. baby was eating from her breast. since she started working again she also had to start breastpumping to keep up with the natural milk. she wants to do this so we invest in a nice, lightweight pump. she gets permission from her work to take the necessary breaks etc. however she is keeping to a schedule which will optimise the flow of milk as long as possible. this means getting up at 6am and doing a final pump at 10.30pm. and she's dead tired. and whining about not getting enough sleep. and honestly not fun to be around. everything resolves about keeping that schedule. and last night at 9pm i suggested that she'd skip her late-night pump and get some sleep. i'd do baby's last bottle (as i often do) so she'd just have to get into bed. and i got an earfull. about how i don't care about the baby and some stuff about antibodies and that she's getting her covid-vaccine soon (she's in healthcare) and that it'd be good for baby to get those antibodies as well. been getting the cold shoulder since...
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we have a 4.5 month old daughter. my gf always has been pro natural milk. i see the advantages of both natural milk and formula. when she was still on maternity leave everything was ok. baby was eating from her breast. since she started working again she also had to start breastpumping to keep up with the natural milk. she wants to do this so we invest in a nice, lightweight pump. she gets permission from her work to take the necessary breaks etc. however she is keeping to a schedule which will optimise the flow of milk as long as possible. this means getting up at 6am and doing a final pump at 10.30pm. and she's dead tired. and whining about not getting enough sleep. and honestly not fun to be around. everything resolves about keeping that schedule. and last night at 9pm i suggested that she'd skip her late-night pump and get some sleep. i'd do baby's last bottle (as i often do) so she'd just have to get into bed. and i got an earfull. about how i don't care about the baby and some stuff about antibodies and that she's getting her covid-vaccine soon (she's in healthcare) and that it'd be good for baby to get those antibodies as well. been getting the cold shoulder since... [/INST] yta. you can’t just skip a pumping session, that’s not how it works. if she skips, the milk is still there, skipping solves no problems at all. </s>
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AITA for saying my sister in law should pay for her own car?
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i’m getting ready to leave my husband. applying to jobs, looking at women shelters near said jobs, but i haven’t told my husband i’m leaving him yet.
today i’m getting ready to go to the gym, and i notice that our car is gone. i ask my husband and he says his sister and law took it because she has a doctors appointment tomorrow.
here’s a little background:
we’ve been supporting his sister financially for 4 years now. she has severe mental illness issues. she’s 30, 4 years older than me. she dropped out of school(that he was paying for) and just completed a 6 month certificate program this month.
a year ago my husband lost his job. right when he lost his job, she crashed her car that he paid for. he was really upset, because she is always tailgating the car in front of her and would get very aggressive if someone criticized her driving. she totaled her car and fucked the car in front of her(she’s fine, and so is the other person thank god). he said that she would get my car and he would use the insurance money to buy me a new one.
6 months ago, my husband started a consulting position that rendered his car useless since he’d be in a different state every week. so instead of getting me a new car, which i never asked for in the first place mind you, he gave his sister his car.
1 month ago, he drove my car to the doctors office and totaled my car. since then, her and i have been sharing his car during the week and all three of us have to share it during the weekend. luckily i am abundant with good supportive friends who offer to drive me around during the weekends. but during the week it’s a mess since she lives 30 min away. so i have to drive 30 min, pick her up, and she drives me 30 min back to my place. i recently quit my job to pursue my own education, and i used up all of my savings to support all three of us while he was jobless. she refused to get welfare because she wants a certain kind of job and refuses to work anywhere else. i recently left my job to get an accounting certificate.
key takeaways: she crashed her car, then he crashed my car, and now i have to share one car with the three of them.
fast forward to today.
if we’re all sharing one car they should at least keep me in the loop right? well today i finally made the comment “she really needs to get her own car” and he storms off. like left our place.
then i get a notification from my bank, and he just transferred 8k into my account. i message him asking what it’s for, and he said it’s to pay me back from when i was supporting them both so i can “buy my own fucking car.”
i mean i’ll take my savings back to start a new life.
but am i the asshole for thinking his sister should finally act like an adult, get a job, and get her own car? in the grand scheme of things it won’t matter, but i would hate to look back on this and think i’m the selfish one.
| 270 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bn6ys7/aita_for_saying_my_sister_in_law_should_pay_for/
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2019-05-11 02:20:19
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nta
assuming that this isn’t something you bring up constantly, it seems like a reasonable statement and your soon to be ex is disproportionately acting the asshole here.
plus side, extra money?
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take the 8 thousand and run and you're not the asshole. runnnnnnnn
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nta and if there was $8k available, this 3-way car sharing shouldn't have even been necessary
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you are clearly nta, but i don’t really understand why you care. you apparently dislike him enough to be interested in moving to a women’s shelter. take the money, find someplace cheap and safe to stay near public transportation and find any job for the moment that you can get to from there.
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info; who actually owns the cars? who paid for them?
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nta at all. three adults sharing one car is complicated even with communication.
sidenote, is it weird that he just had $8k on hand after periods unemployment while your accounts were used up supporting everyone? i'd maybe look into that...
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i don't think it matter either way. 8k yo! nta.
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nta
leave this dude. this is not a marriage. he doesn't tell you anything and cares more about his sister's welfare over yours.
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nta , 8 grand for the gtfo fund. win!
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nta. i mean your situation sounds terrible, and they totalled your car so i don't see why they would expect you to go through all this without getting annoyed. just glad you're leaving and slowly getting out of this mess. sounds like both siblings have got some serious issues.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m getting ready to leave my husband. applying to jobs, looking at women shelters near said jobs, but i haven’t told my husband i’m leaving him yet. today i’m getting ready to go to the gym, and i notice that our car is gone. i ask my husband and he says his sister and law took it because she has a doctors appointment tomorrow. here’s a little background: we’ve been supporting his sister financially for 4 years now. she has severe mental illness issues. she’s 30, 4 years older than me. she dropped out of school(that he was paying for) and just completed a 6 month certificate program this month. a year ago my husband lost his job. right when he lost his job, she crashed her car that he paid for. he was really upset, because she is always tailgating the car in front of her and would get very aggressive if someone criticized her driving. she totaled her car and fucked the car in front of her(she’s fine, and so is the other person thank god). he said that she would get my car and he would use the insurance money to buy me a new one. 6 months ago, my husband started a consulting position that rendered his car useless since he’d be in a different state every week. so instead of getting me a new car, which i never asked for in the first place mind you, he gave his sister his car. 1 month ago, he drove my car to the doctors office and totaled my car. since then, her and i have been sharing his car during the week and all three of us have to share it during the weekend. luckily i am abundant with good supportive friends who offer to drive me around during the weekends. but during the week it’s a mess since she lives 30 min away. so i have to drive 30 min, pick her up, and she drives me 30 min back to my place. i recently quit my job to pursue my own education, and i used up all of my savings to support all three of us while he was jobless. she refused to get welfare because she wants a certain kind of job and refuses to work anywhere else. i recently left my job to get an accounting certificate. key takeaways: she crashed her car, then he crashed my car, and now i have to share one car with the three of them. fast forward to today. if we’re all sharing one car they should at least keep me in the loop right? well today i finally made the comment “she really needs to get her own car” and he storms off. like left our place. then i get a notification from my bank, and he just transferred 8k into my account. i message him asking what it’s for, and he said it’s to pay me back from when i was supporting them both so i can “buy my own fucking car.” i mean i’ll take my savings back to start a new life. but am i the asshole for thinking his sister should finally act like an adult, get a job, and get her own car? in the grand scheme of things it won’t matter, but i would hate to look back on this and think i’m the selfish one.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m getting ready to leave my husband. applying to jobs, looking at women shelters near said jobs, but i haven’t told my husband i’m leaving him yet. today i’m getting ready to go to the gym, and i notice that our car is gone. i ask my husband and he says his sister and law took it because she has a doctors appointment tomorrow. here’s a little background: we’ve been supporting his sister financially for 4 years now. she has severe mental illness issues. she’s 30, 4 years older than me. she dropped out of school(that he was paying for) and just completed a 6 month certificate program this month. a year ago my husband lost his job. right when he lost his job, she crashed her car that he paid for. he was really upset, because she is always tailgating the car in front of her and would get very aggressive if someone criticized her driving. she totaled her car and fucked the car in front of her(she’s fine, and so is the other person thank god). he said that she would get my car and he would use the insurance money to buy me a new one. 6 months ago, my husband started a consulting position that rendered his car useless since he’d be in a different state every week. so instead of getting me a new car, which i never asked for in the first place mind you, he gave his sister his car. 1 month ago, he drove my car to the doctors office and totaled my car. since then, her and i have been sharing his car during the week and all three of us have to share it during the weekend. luckily i am abundant with good supportive friends who offer to drive me around during the weekends. but during the week it’s a mess since she lives 30 min away. so i have to drive 30 min, pick her up, and she drives me 30 min back to my place. i recently quit my job to pursue my own education, and i used up all of my savings to support all three of us while he was jobless. she refused to get welfare because she wants a certain kind of job and refuses to work anywhere else. i recently left my job to get an accounting certificate. key takeaways: she crashed her car, then he crashed my car, and now i have to share one car with the three of them. fast forward to today. if we’re all sharing one car they should at least keep me in the loop right? well today i finally made the comment “she really needs to get her own car” and he storms off. like left our place. then i get a notification from my bank, and he just transferred 8k into my account. i message him asking what it’s for, and he said it’s to pay me back from when i was supporting them both so i can “buy my own fucking car.” i mean i’ll take my savings back to start a new life. but am i the asshole for thinking his sister should finally act like an adult, get a job, and get her own car? in the grand scheme of things it won’t matter, but i would hate to look back on this and think i’m the selfish one. [/INST] nta assuming that this isn’t something you bring up constantly, it seems like a reasonable statement and your soon to be ex is disproportionately acting the asshole here. plus side, extra money? </s>
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AITA for getting mad at my GF for not telling me she used to date my boss?
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i've been dating my gf for the past 10 months and i got hired 4 months ago at my boss's company.
yesterday we had a mini-ceremony at the end of the day to commemorate a landmark of the company and my boss took some of us out for drinks. i told my gf i was going out with some coworkers (i didn't mention that my boss would be there, i didn't think it was important) and asked her if she wanted to come to meet us. she came and while it was the first time she met most of the people there, i noticed that she already knew my boss and already had a rapport with him.
i didn't say anything at the time, but i did ask her after we left and she told me she dated him for a few months about 3 years ago. i got flustered and asked a few questions that went unanswered cause apparently it was "none of my business" and then i finally asked her why didn't she tell me before i took the job, to which she answered that "she didn't know if she should have" which got me even more mad.
i told her that it was my career we're talking about and that she shouldn't have let me enter this situation without full knowledge of the facts. and then she said she didn't understand why i was making such a big deal out of this since it was so long ago, at which point i stopped the argument cause just couldn't really think straight from the anger and we were going nowhere. i just told her i felt like she lied to me, she refused she did anything of the sort and that was that.
aita for getting angry at her?
| 857 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/erw39l/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_gf_for_not_telling_me/
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2020-01-21 15:26:11
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yta
she dated him for a few months, three years ago. dude, it's not her responsibility to tell you about such a non event.
you're out of line.
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yta
the fact you got so angry that you couldn't think straight over this says it all. she dated him 3 years ago for a few months. that's inconsequential, and if she knows you well enough to know that you'd react like this it's no wonder she didn't mention it before.
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your gf slept with lumbergh?!
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nta at all. she was letting you walk into a potentially shitty working situation.
typically, i kind of believe that what you did before the relationship isn't really that persons business. but in this case, it absolutely was your business. i mean literally, it is your professional life that this information affects. she chose to keep a pretty big secret from you, adn the fact that it could possibly affect your livelihood shows her to be a very selfish person
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um... nta. that’s still his boss. she could’ve at least mentioned it since she was with him before he started. a heads up doesn’t hurt. maybe he would have chosen another job if given the option. it’s better than being blind sided.
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i'm going to go against the grain here and say esh. if my partner told me they were applying to a company whose owner i had previously dated, no matter how long ago or for what length of time, i would disclose that information right then and there so they could make an informed decision as to whether the benefits of working for that company outweighed that fact or if that was something they were not comfortable with. no one needs to disclose a full detailed sexual history, but they do need to disclose when it becomes relevant, such as in this scenario.
i personally wouldn't have a problem if my bf had dated his boss for a couple of months 3 years ago, i would have a problem if he purposefully lied by omission about it for four months (+ application process) and i was completely blindsided by it at a company celebration
edited to esh due to further info provided regarding ops reaction. i was projecting too much of my own life experience here. i would communicate this immediately because at most my bf would do some light classism based teasing or dramatically raise an eyebrow and playfully ask "oh did we now?" not interrogate me on whether or not we had intercourse (??) (which like duh? she said they dated, a state of relationship being not generally characterized as a prolonged chastity marathon). lying is bad, being lied to sucks. but if i found out my bf kept something like this from me out of fear of my reaction, i'd be more disappointed in myself.
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nta. if she had said she didn't know he still worked there that'd be one thing, but it sounds like she was actively trying to hide that from you. lying by omission is a thing and people who act like it isn't a big deal are liable to be doing it for much more.
she's right in that the details of their relationship are her own business but the fact that they were together is certainly something that should have been disclosed.
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nta she intentionally hid it from you
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> i got flustered and asked a few questions
info: what questions did you ask her?
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nta, i had a manager treat me horribly just because she had a thing for my bf at the time. your gf definitely should've given you the heads up. she didn't have to give any details, just let you know they dated and let you decide of you wanted to take the job.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.445169 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been dating my gf for the past 10 months and i got hired 4 months ago at my boss's company. yesterday we had a mini-ceremony at the end of the day to commemorate a landmark of the company and my boss took some of us out for drinks. i told my gf i was going out with some coworkers (i didn't mention that my boss would be there, i didn't think it was important) and asked her if she wanted to come to meet us. she came and while it was the first time she met most of the people there, i noticed that she already knew my boss and already had a rapport with him. i didn't say anything at the time, but i did ask her after we left and she told me she dated him for a few months about 3 years ago. i got flustered and asked a few questions that went unanswered cause apparently it was "none of my business" and then i finally asked her why didn't she tell me before i took the job, to which she answered that "she didn't know if she should have" which got me even more mad. i told her that it was my career we're talking about and that she shouldn't have let me enter this situation without full knowledge of the facts. and then she said she didn't understand why i was making such a big deal out of this since it was so long ago, at which point i stopped the argument cause just couldn't really think straight from the anger and we were going nowhere. i just told her i felt like she lied to me, she refused she did anything of the sort and that was that. aita for getting angry at her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been dating my gf for the past 10 months and i got hired 4 months ago at my boss's company. yesterday we had a mini-ceremony at the end of the day to commemorate a landmark of the company and my boss took some of us out for drinks. i told my gf i was going out with some coworkers (i didn't mention that my boss would be there, i didn't think it was important) and asked her if she wanted to come to meet us. she came and while it was the first time she met most of the people there, i noticed that she already knew my boss and already had a rapport with him. i didn't say anything at the time, but i did ask her after we left and she told me she dated him for a few months about 3 years ago. i got flustered and asked a few questions that went unanswered cause apparently it was "none of my business" and then i finally asked her why didn't she tell me before i took the job, to which she answered that "she didn't know if she should have" which got me even more mad. i told her that it was my career we're talking about and that she shouldn't have let me enter this situation without full knowledge of the facts. and then she said she didn't understand why i was making such a big deal out of this since it was so long ago, at which point i stopped the argument cause just couldn't really think straight from the anger and we were going nowhere. i just told her i felt like she lied to me, she refused she did anything of the sort and that was that. aita for getting angry at her? [/INST] yta she dated him for a few months, three years ago. dude, it's not her responsibility to tell you about such a non event. you're out of line. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to share my 21st birthday dinner with an underprivileged kid (17?M)
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before officially moving out in august, a huge fight between me and my brother, “randy,” (25m) caused me to leave my parents house about a month earlier. randy lives at home with my parents. he is formally diagnosed with add, but could suffer from other mental health disorders too.
randy damages his car all the time, he poorly manages his finances/constantly asks my parents for money, and the worst to me- he is incredibly disrespectful to my mom. he’ll do things like “forget” to pay bills that my parents are co-signed on, and yell at my mom for not cooking him dinner. growing up, randy was abusive towards me for many years. just before college i came forward to my parents. ultimately, it was slipped under the rug and forgotten. i regret coming forward.
my parents have *always* supported randy. often enabling him, they never really let him learn on his own. (they would do his homework in college when he was too “busy”.) i have spoken to my parents’ about him on several occasions, and they always say “you’re not his parents”.
randy works at an inner-city school district doing security and coaching football. he has requested help from my parents on multiple occasions to pay for player/students’ basic needs: food, clothes, etc. a couple months ago, there was a player who came from a terrible home life, “will” (17?m). randy asked my mom and dad, and they have been helping this kid a lot lately: buying him clothes and food, getting him access to healthcare, etc.
the other day i was discussing my birthday plans with my mom. i requested a fancy dinner with my bf and parents. she told me a different plan: our entire family (my two brothers, my grandma, my boyfriend, and my parents) all going out to dinner, and i agreed. then she said, “it’s gonna be a birthday dinner for you and will!” this upset me a lot. i very seriously expressed my feelings to my mom. and while my mom tried to keep the conversation positive, i ended it very frustrated and annoyed.
i 100% believe that will deserves a good birthday and even a birthday dinner. and i hope he gets to share it with people who care about him. but i don’t know him, and i don’t want to share my birthday dinner with him.
why should i have to share my 21st birthday dinner with someone i’ve never met before? i don’t want my birthday to be some charity show for randy, or my parents.
tl;dr my historically abusive, and mentally ill brother has taken an underprivileged kid named will under his wing, with my parents buying him food, clothes and medical care. i’ve never met him, but will and i share a birthday and my parents want my 21st birthday dinner to be shared with him.
aita for not wanting will at my birthday dinner, and explicitly expressing that to my parents? wibta if i refused to go if will were joining us?
| 773 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ddiw3t/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_21st_birthday/
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2019-10-05 05:07:51
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nta. that’s fucking weird of your family. no one should be asked to share a birthday party with a stranger.
have you thought about ditching your family and going out with friends? it’s your 21st birthday, after all.
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nta.
this wasn't something discussed or asked, this was something told. you had no idea at all as you started making plans with your family that they would insist upon this. and that speaks a lot to the way they still view you. (as a child without choice)
particularly when it's dinner. i mean, you can have two seperate dinners. it's not like they super need to be at an expensive place fi that's the problem. or like they need too much planning.
you'd be totally fine to say "i do not want a combined birthday. you can plan what you like for will, and i'll plan my own dinner with boyfriend and you guys if you want to come."
and then have your own damned birthday making sure the dates don't clash, if at all possible)
they might still say you're an asshole for this but you aren't taking anything from them or acting entitled. you're doing your own thing, which you're well capable of.
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nta but i don't know if you're going to be able to refuse sharing your dinner with will without refusing to have a dinner at all.
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nta.
will isn't your friend. he isn't a sibling. he's some random kid your brother is pushing the burden of onto your parents. why the fuck does will need to be a part of your celebration, and why does randy's wants/needs and now even some random kid's needs wants come before yours? this is the sort of shit that leads to justifiable resentment against parents down the road.
i'd refuse to go if i were you.
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nta. put your foot down on this one! you only have one 21st birthday, so you should make it as fun as possible for you. if your family isn't going to i make it that way for you, then go out with your friends instead.
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nta fuck that kid. your parents dont seem like very good parents kid, sorry. i would say the hell with it and do your own thing with your boyfriend. less stressful that way.
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nta, dawg on your 21st you should be having fun and getting lit (if that’s your thing), not humoring someone who’s friends w your abusive brother. sorry you’re dealing w this. could make a good r/entitledparents story.
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nah.
you probably could have shortened this down to a couple sentences. i think you’re taking your frustration about randy out on will. but i also think 21 is a big birthday and you wanna spend it with people you care about and feel important. i don’t think there’s any problem with wanting to have one day or one dinner be about you.
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info: what do you mean when you say he was abusive to you?
i find it alarming that someone who supposedly is such an awful person generally is deliberately seeking out vulnerable teens and showering them (or well, having your parents shower them) with gifts. i'm not one to get immediately suspicious of this sort of thing, but with a history of abuse, it's alarming.
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nta. i know what you are going through. they are “fixers.” they want to “help” but don’t appreciate the kids they don’t need to help and just enjoy their time with. it’s sucks they don’t get it’s a special bday.
i would tell them you changed plans to a loud bar with your friends. go see the grandparents and take them out to dinner.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.007204 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before officially moving out in august, a huge fight between me and my brother, “randy,” (25m) caused me to leave my parents house about a month earlier. randy lives at home with my parents. he is formally diagnosed with add, but could suffer from other mental health disorders too. randy damages his car all the time, he poorly manages his finances/constantly asks my parents for money, and the worst to me- he is incredibly disrespectful to my mom. he’ll do things like “forget” to pay bills that my parents are co-signed on, and yell at my mom for not cooking him dinner. growing up, randy was abusive towards me for many years. just before college i came forward to my parents. ultimately, it was slipped under the rug and forgotten. i regret coming forward. my parents have *always* supported randy. often enabling him, they never really let him learn on his own. (they would do his homework in college when he was too “busy”.) i have spoken to my parents’ about him on several occasions, and they always say “you’re not his parents”. randy works at an inner-city school district doing security and coaching football. he has requested help from my parents on multiple occasions to pay for player/students’ basic needs: food, clothes, etc. a couple months ago, there was a player who came from a terrible home life, “will” (17?m). randy asked my mom and dad, and they have been helping this kid a lot lately: buying him clothes and food, getting him access to healthcare, etc. the other day i was discussing my birthday plans with my mom. i requested a fancy dinner with my bf and parents. she told me a different plan: our entire family (my two brothers, my grandma, my boyfriend, and my parents) all going out to dinner, and i agreed. then she said, “it’s gonna be a birthday dinner for you and will!” this upset me a lot. i very seriously expressed my feelings to my mom. and while my mom tried to keep the conversation positive, i ended it very frustrated and annoyed. i 100% believe that will deserves a good birthday and even a birthday dinner. and i hope he gets to share it with people who care about him. but i don’t know him, and i don’t want to share my birthday dinner with him. why should i have to share my 21st birthday dinner with someone i’ve never met before? i don’t want my birthday to be some charity show for randy, or my parents. tl;dr my historically abusive, and mentally ill brother has taken an underprivileged kid named will under his wing, with my parents buying him food, clothes and medical care. i’ve never met him, but will and i share a birthday and my parents want my 21st birthday dinner to be shared with him. aita for not wanting will at my birthday dinner, and explicitly expressing that to my parents? wibta if i refused to go if will were joining us?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before officially moving out in august, a huge fight between me and my brother, “randy,” (25m) caused me to leave my parents house about a month earlier. randy lives at home with my parents. he is formally diagnosed with add, but could suffer from other mental health disorders too. randy damages his car all the time, he poorly manages his finances/constantly asks my parents for money, and the worst to me- he is incredibly disrespectful to my mom. he’ll do things like “forget” to pay bills that my parents are co-signed on, and yell at my mom for not cooking him dinner. growing up, randy was abusive towards me for many years. just before college i came forward to my parents. ultimately, it was slipped under the rug and forgotten. i regret coming forward. my parents have *always* supported randy. often enabling him, they never really let him learn on his own. (they would do his homework in college when he was too “busy”.) i have spoken to my parents’ about him on several occasions, and they always say “you’re not his parents”. randy works at an inner-city school district doing security and coaching football. he has requested help from my parents on multiple occasions to pay for player/students’ basic needs: food, clothes, etc. a couple months ago, there was a player who came from a terrible home life, “will” (17?m). randy asked my mom and dad, and they have been helping this kid a lot lately: buying him clothes and food, getting him access to healthcare, etc. the other day i was discussing my birthday plans with my mom. i requested a fancy dinner with my bf and parents. she told me a different plan: our entire family (my two brothers, my grandma, my boyfriend, and my parents) all going out to dinner, and i agreed. then she said, “it’s gonna be a birthday dinner for you and will!” this upset me a lot. i very seriously expressed my feelings to my mom. and while my mom tried to keep the conversation positive, i ended it very frustrated and annoyed. i 100% believe that will deserves a good birthday and even a birthday dinner. and i hope he gets to share it with people who care about him. but i don’t know him, and i don’t want to share my birthday dinner with him. why should i have to share my 21st birthday dinner with someone i’ve never met before? i don’t want my birthday to be some charity show for randy, or my parents. tl;dr my historically abusive, and mentally ill brother has taken an underprivileged kid named will under his wing, with my parents buying him food, clothes and medical care. i’ve never met him, but will and i share a birthday and my parents want my 21st birthday dinner to be shared with him. aita for not wanting will at my birthday dinner, and explicitly expressing that to my parents? wibta if i refused to go if will were joining us? [/INST] nta. that’s fucking weird of your family. no one should be asked to share a birthday party with a stranger. have you thought about ditching your family and going out with friends? it’s your 21st birthday, after all. </s>
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AITA for drinking wine?
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my son had a playdate yesterday, and his little friend ended up staying for dinner. we had spinach salad with chicken for dinner. the kids drank watered down apple juice, and my husband and i each had a glass of wine.
when timmy's (not his real name obvs) mom came to pick him up she saw our wine glasses and asked if we were drinking in front of her son. we said yes, but it's wine. a glass of red with dinner helps with digestion. she said that was completely inappropriate. she also didn't like that we served her kid rabbit food (even though there was chicken in the salad) for dinner, because now she's going to "have to serve him a real dinner at home."
aita for drinking in front of an eight year old and serving him chicken and spinach salad?
| 405 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v2kl4s/aita_for_drinking_wine/
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2022-06-01 16:12:36
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nta. if mom has "rules" about what you can or can't do with her son, she should probably pack documentation when she sends him elsewhere. sheesh
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nta. as long as you didn’t serve the kid wine or get shitfaced, it doesn’t matter. this other mother sounds like an absolute nightmare.
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nta. sounds like little timmy is in for a rough childhood.
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nta. what is she trying to shelter him from ? does she expect her kid to not know what alcohol is ? or that some drink that are for adults only exists ? does she thinks that him seeing you drinking will turn him into an alcoholic ?!
also, lol at the rabbit food. this women is definitely entitled.
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nta; you’re not daycare/a restaurant and (i assume) you weren’t going to be driving anywhere. it’s not like you’d downed half a bottle of vodka and stripped naked in front of timmy. re. the “rabbit food”, on playdates my daughter often got served food she couldn’t eat; i always thanked the parents for feeding her, and gave her a snack when she got home.
that mother sounds like an entitled baggage with no manners. poor timmy.
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nta - what in the literal fuck? people are the worst.
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nta. it would only be inappropriate if you were drunk, but a glass for dinner is pretty normal. some people just have weird hangups or she could be a religious fundamentalist who thinks alcohol use is a sin.
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info - is timmy's mum religious/ a non drinker? nta with the rabbit food - i could eat more of that as i've become a bit like cartman in recent months
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nta. choosing to not drink in front of a kid isn’t going to do any good. obviously if you’re getting drunk that would be one thing, but otherwise it’s a crazy request from them. also the fact she’s calling spinach “rabbit food” and saying she will have to feed him a “real dinner” now leads me to believe timmy mom is a real piece of work. again nta.
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red wine with chicken? i’m on the fence here.
jk, nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son had a playdate yesterday, and his little friend ended up staying for dinner. we had spinach salad with chicken for dinner. the kids drank watered down apple juice, and my husband and i each had a glass of wine. when timmy's (not his real name obvs) mom came to pick him up she saw our wine glasses and asked if we were drinking in front of her son. we said yes, but it's wine. a glass of red with dinner helps with digestion. she said that was completely inappropriate. she also didn't like that we served her kid rabbit food (even though there was chicken in the salad) for dinner, because now she's going to "have to serve him a real dinner at home." aita for drinking in front of an eight year old and serving him chicken and spinach salad?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son had a playdate yesterday, and his little friend ended up staying for dinner. we had spinach salad with chicken for dinner. the kids drank watered down apple juice, and my husband and i each had a glass of wine. when timmy's (not his real name obvs) mom came to pick him up she saw our wine glasses and asked if we were drinking in front of her son. we said yes, but it's wine. a glass of red with dinner helps with digestion. she said that was completely inappropriate. she also didn't like that we served her kid rabbit food (even though there was chicken in the salad) for dinner, because now she's going to "have to serve him a real dinner at home." aita for drinking in front of an eight year old and serving him chicken and spinach salad? [/INST] nta. if mom has "rules" about what you can or can't do with her son, she should probably pack documentation when she sends him elsewhere. sheesh </s>
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AITA fo not waking up with my wife anymore
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we have a 4 month old daughter, and i’m a stay at home dad. my wife and i used to take the same train into the city for work, so we woke up at the same time. but since i don’t work anymore there’s no reason to wake up that early.
she wakes up around 6am every work day, and i now wake up around 7:45 or whenever our daughter wakes me up in the morning.
she’s been getting upset with me saying that it’s not fair that i get to sleep in while she still has to wake up. i do most of the night care so it seems fair to me.
she wants me to wake up with her every morning and i said no. she’s getting more mad now.
aita?
| 441 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/euyh0s/aita_fo_not_waking_up_with_my_wife_anymore/
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2020-01-28 01:44:01
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nta. stay at home parents of small children grab sleep where they can. tell her you will get up with her if she does 1/2 the night time duties.
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nta.
you’re both sleep deprived, and that can make people fight about silly stuff, but staggering sleep is one of the things people with young babies have to do.
if you’re taking the night feedings, and making sure she gets a little time to herself/cover so she can sleep in on weekends/otherwise are generous with your time, you’re not doing anything wrong. but as i said, sleep deprivation can make an ah out of us all, so don’t be too harsh on your wife.
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nah. she probably just misses spending time with you. now, it sounds like you don’t see her much just her. most of the evenings are likely with your daughter as well. you might want to try waking up with her two or three times a week just to have a cup of coffee together
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nta
you’re a stay at home parent. your job starts the minute kiddo wakes up and doesn’t end until after she goes to bed. if you can sleep in a little, that’s great. surely mom sleeps in on her days off.
she may just be cranky being the one to work. have a conversation about it.
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nta. she’s not considering the night waking. tell her that if she wants you up early, you’ll split the nighttime duties with her.
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nah. parenting is a relay race and it's important that you guys are working together.
it sounds like this might be a fight about deeper issues. maybe she misses your old ritual of getting up in the morning and getting out of the house together. maybe she just wants to spend some adult time with you. maybe she has guilt about working while you provide primary care. you guys should sit down and talk about it.
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maybe i'm biased but as a mom twice over who was in your position during maternity leave, an emphatic nta.
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nta - you have enough n t a votes, but i still feel compelled to comment. what the actual hell kind of logic is that? how is that fair in anyway? your job is to be a stay at home dad, and that job doesn’t require you to be up until 7:45am. what are you supposed to do in that two hours? watch her get ready? your wife is being a major asshole about this.
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nta try and talk to her about everything you do during the day. she might feel like she's pulling an unfair amount of weight
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nta but it might be worth asking your wife why this upsets her so much?
if it’s because she feels like getting up together in the mornings would be an opportunity to spend some child-free time together, then that’s something worth discussing - even if you make that time later in the day instead of the morning.
however if her issue is just that you being forced to wake up when she does is the only “fair” option, then she’s being ridiculous. when you have a young kid, sleep is the most precious commodity (we have a 2 year old). if your extra rest is not coming at the expense of her own, she’s really got no business being unhappy about this.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we have a 4 month old daughter, and i’m a stay at home dad. my wife and i used to take the same train into the city for work, so we woke up at the same time. but since i don’t work anymore there’s no reason to wake up that early. she wakes up around 6am every work day, and i now wake up around 7:45 or whenever our daughter wakes me up in the morning. she’s been getting upset with me saying that it’s not fair that i get to sleep in while she still has to wake up. i do most of the night care so it seems fair to me. she wants me to wake up with her every morning and i said no. she’s getting more mad now. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we have a 4 month old daughter, and i’m a stay at home dad. my wife and i used to take the same train into the city for work, so we woke up at the same time. but since i don’t work anymore there’s no reason to wake up that early. she wakes up around 6am every work day, and i now wake up around 7:45 or whenever our daughter wakes me up in the morning. she’s been getting upset with me saying that it’s not fair that i get to sleep in while she still has to wake up. i do most of the night care so it seems fair to me. she wants me to wake up with her every morning and i said no. she’s getting more mad now. aita? [/INST] nta. stay at home parents of small children grab sleep where they can. tell her you will get up with her if she does 1/2 the night time duties. </s>
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AITA For leaving in the middle of my brother's wedding?
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i f28 grew up with mybrother m32 and step sister f25 we love each others so much but but the whole family in general we have our fair share of problems.
i used to be with a guy "chris" but things did not work out between us and we parted ways because he wanted us to. i'm glad things turned out this way and that i was given chance to explore more in my life. that was over 2 years ago.
i later learned my stepsister got together with chris which was a bit of shock but because he knew our family i felt nothing bad. i just kept my distance from my stepsister who started acting mean towards me making comments like asking chris if he had ever seen more beautiful girls than her or more intellegent. i ignore those comments because they don't mean a thing to me.
anyway. last week was my brother's wedding. i was invited but got there a bit late due to transportation problems. i got there and sat with my family, i noticed my stepsister was dressed very nicely like she looked as if she was the bride. we were eating when chris suddenly got up from his seat and got on one knees infront of my stepsister and proposed to her. i was shocked, my family got quiet and my brother and his bride looked upset. my stepsister started tearing up and i was feeling very uncomfortable. everyone was clapping that's when i got up, took my purse and excused myself to leave. my stepmom asked what was wrong and wether i was sick. my brother followed outside and begged me to stay saying he had no idea chris and our stepsister were going to do that at his wedding. he said just like me, he was shocked and didn't know. he asked me to stay because he wanted me to be at his wedding and convinced me to ignore those who made me uncomfortable but i apologized and refused to go back inside because i was feeling unwell. my stepmom joined the discussion and told me i can't leave, the guests will notice me leaving in the middle and would think there was a problem. i ended up leaving and turning off my phone for the night.
i got grief from my family for leaving like that and i was called immature to act that way at my brother's wedding and my stepsister's proposal instead of being supportive. my stepmom especially was the one giving me hard time for leaving like that and causing guests to notice. i admit feeling stressed out but felt like i punished my brother by leaving his wedding.
i need to mention this detail - i wasn't bothered by the proposel itself but once i saw the ring chris proposed with, i felt uneasy because i'd seen it before when he spoke to me about it in the past saying if he wanted to propose to me he'd pick this vert type. i don't know i think this was what trigged me i guess.
| 4,574 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oryp9n/aita_for_leaving_in_the_middle_of_my_brothers/
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2021-07-26 13:27:42
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nta - your stepmother can hardly accuse you of “causing guests to notice you” by leaving when her own daughter basically upstaged her brother’s wedding!?! like do they even know how incredibly tacky and disrespectful it is to propose at somebody else’s wedding unless you’ve explicitly cleared it with the bride and groom first?
if somebody had done this at my wedding i’d have made sure i dropped dead at their funeral out of sheer petty spite. or at the very least willed myself into birthing a child at their baby shower.
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nta. while it would have been nice to be able to support your brother at his wedding. you were not going to be able to do that anyways with being put in such a vulnerable situation.
maybe an apology to your brother and his wife explaining you didn’t want to make more of a scene by becoming too emotional at their wedding and taking the attention away from them on their special day. (do not mention the ss/ex proposal in the apology, you do not have any responsibility to make your apology about their wrong doing, that’s something they need to do)
your ss & ex are such ahs. you do not propose at someone else’s wedding. you do not make their day about you.
your sm is an ah. “the guests will notice there’s a problem!” yeah, ya think! but op isn’t the problem. her daughter & fsil are the huge problems here.
i feel so bad for your brother & sil :(
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[deleted]
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nta. there are billions of people in the world. unless you live on a one mile island, why did your step sister have to go for this one? and then seem to throw it in your face repeatedly after.
proposing at a wedding is like a who other layer on this asshole cake. those two should have been tossed out, but i get your brother trying to just smoothe things over and get on with the show.
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esh except for your brother whose wedding was hijacked by the proposal and your tantrum.
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nta- you removed yourself from an uncomfortable situation. you are not the one who disrupted the wedding-they were. you don’t have to be in love with the guy but chris was a disrespectful asshole and your stepsister sounds like someone who needs constant attention.
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yeah slightly ta here, but you’re not wrong in being upset. everyone knows you don’t propose at a wedding. that is the bride and groom’s special day, not anyone else’s. shame on them for pulling that stunt.
you knew your brother really wanted you to be part of his wedding and you bailed on him. that was kind of a low blow and made his day less special and more dramatic. sorry that happened to you. had you stayed, everyone would be focused on being upset with the proposal instead.
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nta because you can’t control how you feel.
however, it’s been two years since your breakup. when you saw the proposal, you feelings and thoughts weren’t “wow, how tacky. and with a ring he wanted to buy someone else? i really dodged a bullet there.” they were to literally become ill and run.
you haven’t processed your break-up yet or your feelings about your ex. it’s up to you now to do so. someone this toxic shouldn’t still have such a hold on you.
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a soft yta only because you should have shat on them for proposing at your brothers wedding and defended him. that’s cause for a commotion but not in a good way for them. i feel the most bad for him and his wife
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esh except the brother and his wife, first chris and the stepsister have a proposal and then op walks off in a dramatic fashion punishing her brother for something he wasn't even a part off or knew about, poor brother both of his sister's let him down.
they made his wedding day about them.
i was very close to voting ta.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.320187 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f28 grew up with mybrother m32 and step sister f25 we love each others so much but but the whole family in general we have our fair share of problems. i used to be with a guy "chris" but things did not work out between us and we parted ways because he wanted us to. i'm glad things turned out this way and that i was given chance to explore more in my life. that was over 2 years ago. i later learned my stepsister got together with chris which was a bit of shock but because he knew our family i felt nothing bad. i just kept my distance from my stepsister who started acting mean towards me making comments like asking chris if he had ever seen more beautiful girls than her or more intellegent. i ignore those comments because they don't mean a thing to me. anyway. last week was my brother's wedding. i was invited but got there a bit late due to transportation problems. i got there and sat with my family, i noticed my stepsister was dressed very nicely like she looked as if she was the bride. we were eating when chris suddenly got up from his seat and got on one knees infront of my stepsister and proposed to her. i was shocked, my family got quiet and my brother and his bride looked upset. my stepsister started tearing up and i was feeling very uncomfortable. everyone was clapping that's when i got up, took my purse and excused myself to leave. my stepmom asked what was wrong and wether i was sick. my brother followed outside and begged me to stay saying he had no idea chris and our stepsister were going to do that at his wedding. he said just like me, he was shocked and didn't know. he asked me to stay because he wanted me to be at his wedding and convinced me to ignore those who made me uncomfortable but i apologized and refused to go back inside because i was feeling unwell. my stepmom joined the discussion and told me i can't leave, the guests will notice me leaving in the middle and would think there was a problem. i ended up leaving and turning off my phone for the night. i got grief from my family for leaving like that and i was called immature to act that way at my brother's wedding and my stepsister's proposal instead of being supportive. my stepmom especially was the one giving me hard time for leaving like that and causing guests to notice. i admit feeling stressed out but felt like i punished my brother by leaving his wedding. i need to mention this detail - i wasn't bothered by the proposel itself but once i saw the ring chris proposed with, i felt uneasy because i'd seen it before when he spoke to me about it in the past saying if he wanted to propose to me he'd pick this vert type. i don't know i think this was what trigged me i guess.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f28 grew up with mybrother m32 and step sister f25 we love each others so much but but the whole family in general we have our fair share of problems. i used to be with a guy "chris" but things did not work out between us and we parted ways because he wanted us to. i'm glad things turned out this way and that i was given chance to explore more in my life. that was over 2 years ago. i later learned my stepsister got together with chris which was a bit of shock but because he knew our family i felt nothing bad. i just kept my distance from my stepsister who started acting mean towards me making comments like asking chris if he had ever seen more beautiful girls than her or more intellegent. i ignore those comments because they don't mean a thing to me. anyway. last week was my brother's wedding. i was invited but got there a bit late due to transportation problems. i got there and sat with my family, i noticed my stepsister was dressed very nicely like she looked as if she was the bride. we were eating when chris suddenly got up from his seat and got on one knees infront of my stepsister and proposed to her. i was shocked, my family got quiet and my brother and his bride looked upset. my stepsister started tearing up and i was feeling very uncomfortable. everyone was clapping that's when i got up, took my purse and excused myself to leave. my stepmom asked what was wrong and wether i was sick. my brother followed outside and begged me to stay saying he had no idea chris and our stepsister were going to do that at his wedding. he said just like me, he was shocked and didn't know. he asked me to stay because he wanted me to be at his wedding and convinced me to ignore those who made me uncomfortable but i apologized and refused to go back inside because i was feeling unwell. my stepmom joined the discussion and told me i can't leave, the guests will notice me leaving in the middle and would think there was a problem. i ended up leaving and turning off my phone for the night. i got grief from my family for leaving like that and i was called immature to act that way at my brother's wedding and my stepsister's proposal instead of being supportive. my stepmom especially was the one giving me hard time for leaving like that and causing guests to notice. i admit feeling stressed out but felt like i punished my brother by leaving his wedding. i need to mention this detail - i wasn't bothered by the proposel itself but once i saw the ring chris proposed with, i felt uneasy because i'd seen it before when he spoke to me about it in the past saying if he wanted to propose to me he'd pick this vert type. i don't know i think this was what trigged me i guess. [/INST] nta - your stepmother can hardly accuse you of “causing guests to notice you” by leaving when her own daughter basically upstaged her brother’s wedding!?! like do they even know how incredibly tacky and disrespectful it is to propose at somebody else’s wedding unless you’ve explicitly cleared it with the bride and groom first? if somebody had done this at my wedding i’d have made sure i dropped dead at their funeral out of sheer petty spite. or at the very least willed myself into birthing a child at their baby shower. </s>
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AITA for saying "sounds like a you problem" in response to my friend telling me his grandma died
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so i've(23f) known this friend(26m) for about a three years now. we met in college and have only actually hung out a few times in person but we are far away from each other so nowadays our relationship is just texting and occasionally facetiming. sometimes it gets flirty but i've been seeing someone else for a few months now so anything we had kind of fizzled.
basically for the past month we've been texting almost every day. its always friendly, mostly witty banter and we have a similar sense of dark humor so its easy to keep a conversation. he's always someone i can confide in when times are tough with guys, family, anything really. so this past weekend i told him that i was going back to my hometown and that we should meet up cause i haven't seen him in almost a year. he agreed and we decided on next sunday.
saturday night we were having our normal banter texting session and because it was almost valentines day i sent him one of those annoying chain texts with all the emojis to be funny. immediately after i sent it he said "oh never mind i'm busy sunday". in response i said "wow really dont want to hang out with me then? thank god" as a joke and he didn't respond after that. i didn't think anything of it until today when he texted me this morning saying "honestly i dont think so."
when i asked why he was being weird and he said "idk i got a lot going on". i didn't want to press it so i let him chill for a bit and decided to text him later.
so anyway we have this inside joke where we always say "sounds like a you problem" if something bad happens in our life happens. (ex. my dog died and he said that seems like a you problem) he texted me later that night saying his grandma died and i'm not really good with death and didn't know what to say so i said "sounds like a you problem :(" which he liked and didn't respond to. like 15 minutes later i followed up with "i'm so sorry for your loss let me know if there's anything i can do" but the text didn't go through. i realized then he blocked me on snapchat, instagram, even venmo and blocked my number. in hindsight i know it probably wasn't the best thing to say but i thought it might cheer him up. i considered him one of my good friends and now he's just gone. aita
| 2,956 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/stgptr/aita_for_saying_sounds_like_a_you_problem_in/
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2022-02-15 23:31:22
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yta
lost a friend by making an inappropriate joke? sounds like a you problem.
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esh. it wasn't ok when he said it about your dog, and it wasn't ok to say about his grandma. you should've stopped being friends with him after he said that about your dog, not become an ah too.
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he blocked you on every platform on the planet and you're asking *us*?
yeah, yta
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yes yta and now that your friend blocked you, it sounds like it's a "you" problem.
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sounds like yta, unfortunately. there's just a time for those kinds of jokes. actually, your dog dying was not a great time for him to make the joke either. but not really an excuse for you to do the same.
this assumes his grandmother actually died, of course. whether she did or didn't, sounds to me like something shifted and this guy was looking for an out. and he found it in your asshole moment.
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lol both of y’all are the worst
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yta for waiting those 15 minutes. i wouldn't be surprised if all this could have been avoided had you followed up your first text immediately.
dark inside jokes can be fine, and not inherently out of place depending on your relationship with someone. but he was in a bad place and reached out to you. and instead of providing the comfort when he needed it, you gave it time to make it look like you were blowing him off.
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let this be a life lesson on how to act tactfully.
to this day i still cringe at the memory of me blurting out to a patient to "have a great day" right after the doctor i was shadowing told the patient that he had terminal cancer. it's why i use "take care" as my de facto farewell message now.
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info i'm kind of confused... did he not say the same thing about your dog dying? i know it's not the same but idk why it was an established thing he took part in previously why he didn't know it was part of your friendship code.
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yta.
there is a time and place for snarky inside jokes. someone telling you they’re struggling emotionally with a close family members death is not it.
it’s honestly hard to believe a 23 year old could be so immature - but here we are i guess.
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
INFO
|
YTA
| 0.012234 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i've(23f) known this friend(26m) for about a three years now. we met in college and have only actually hung out a few times in person but we are far away from each other so nowadays our relationship is just texting and occasionally facetiming. sometimes it gets flirty but i've been seeing someone else for a few months now so anything we had kind of fizzled. basically for the past month we've been texting almost every day. its always friendly, mostly witty banter and we have a similar sense of dark humor so its easy to keep a conversation. he's always someone i can confide in when times are tough with guys, family, anything really. so this past weekend i told him that i was going back to my hometown and that we should meet up cause i haven't seen him in almost a year. he agreed and we decided on next sunday. saturday night we were having our normal banter texting session and because it was almost valentines day i sent him one of those annoying chain texts with all the emojis to be funny. immediately after i sent it he said "oh never mind i'm busy sunday". in response i said "wow really dont want to hang out with me then? thank god" as a joke and he didn't respond after that. i didn't think anything of it until today when he texted me this morning saying "honestly i dont think so." when i asked why he was being weird and he said "idk i got a lot going on". i didn't want to press it so i let him chill for a bit and decided to text him later. so anyway we have this inside joke where we always say "sounds like a you problem" if something bad happens in our life happens. (ex. my dog died and he said that seems like a you problem) he texted me later that night saying his grandma died and i'm not really good with death and didn't know what to say so i said "sounds like a you problem :(" which he liked and didn't respond to. like 15 minutes later i followed up with "i'm so sorry for your loss let me know if there's anything i can do" but the text didn't go through. i realized then he blocked me on snapchat, instagram, even venmo and blocked my number. in hindsight i know it probably wasn't the best thing to say but i thought it might cheer him up. i considered him one of my good friends and now he's just gone. aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i've(23f) known this friend(26m) for about a three years now. we met in college and have only actually hung out a few times in person but we are far away from each other so nowadays our relationship is just texting and occasionally facetiming. sometimes it gets flirty but i've been seeing someone else for a few months now so anything we had kind of fizzled. basically for the past month we've been texting almost every day. its always friendly, mostly witty banter and we have a similar sense of dark humor so its easy to keep a conversation. he's always someone i can confide in when times are tough with guys, family, anything really. so this past weekend i told him that i was going back to my hometown and that we should meet up cause i haven't seen him in almost a year. he agreed and we decided on next sunday. saturday night we were having our normal banter texting session and because it was almost valentines day i sent him one of those annoying chain texts with all the emojis to be funny. immediately after i sent it he said "oh never mind i'm busy sunday". in response i said "wow really dont want to hang out with me then? thank god" as a joke and he didn't respond after that. i didn't think anything of it until today when he texted me this morning saying "honestly i dont think so." when i asked why he was being weird and he said "idk i got a lot going on". i didn't want to press it so i let him chill for a bit and decided to text him later. so anyway we have this inside joke where we always say "sounds like a you problem" if something bad happens in our life happens. (ex. my dog died and he said that seems like a you problem) he texted me later that night saying his grandma died and i'm not really good with death and didn't know what to say so i said "sounds like a you problem :(" which he liked and didn't respond to. like 15 minutes later i followed up with "i'm so sorry for your loss let me know if there's anything i can do" but the text didn't go through. i realized then he blocked me on snapchat, instagram, even venmo and blocked my number. in hindsight i know it probably wasn't the best thing to say but i thought it might cheer him up. i considered him one of my good friends and now he's just gone. aita [/INST] yta lost a friend by making an inappropriate joke? sounds like a you problem. </s>
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AITA because I won’t let my Ex’s family see my dog?
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this post stays here not for any other use
so this story begins a few years ago. i met a guy and we had been dating for 3 years when i left to hike the appalachian trail. during this time i got a dog, my ex didn’t spend a dime on her other than a collar. i off and on lived with his mother and brother and his mom would often keep her while i was working or out with her son traveling. so when the time came for me to leave i asked if she would want to keep her while i was gone even though my parents offered because my dog was familiar with their home ( i would be gone 4-6 months). of course any expense that comes i would pay since she’s my responsibility. well not even 2 months into my hike my boyfriend called to tell me he cheated on me, i ended things asked him to pack all my items and my parents would come to pick everything up.
well the day comes and my ex and his mother wouldn’t give my dog back. they called the cops and because her adoption/chip is in my name and i wasn’t present the cops wouldn’t do anything. i had been planning this thruhike for 5 years and because my budget was tight i decided to finish my hike before coming home. i only did this because my exs mother and i came to an agreement and would continually send me pictures of her and incase it became legal i needed more evidence of her saying how she was my dog and such. (in my state, even with my documents it still would have been a civil case.) i still feel bad about this as i now believe i should have found a way back to my state to get to her and take my dog home immediately.
fast forward to me getting back home, the first thing i did was go and get her. his mom said some choice words, told me how wonderful her son was to call and say he cheated, said how their house was my dogs home and it isn’t fair for me to take my dog away from there. i told her my dog could visit and told me if i didn’t bring the dog she’d take me to court for her because she’s hers too. we talked about my ex and i’s relationship which involved me telling her some of the horrible things he said.after getting home ex’s mother called me and asked me not to tell anyone some of the horrible things her son said. after this i blocked her and anyone else in his family, i had no intentions of ever letting my dog or me having any contact with them after i got home.
i ask if im the asshole because my dog loves them and i have not a single doubt that she was well loved and taken care of with them. i felt incredibly disrespected when my wishes that my dog stay with my parents wasn’t honored i feel conflicted because maybe i should have let them see my dog.
| 192 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j51axg/aita_because_i_wont_let_my_exs_family_see_my_dog/
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2020-10-04 16:01:50
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nta, it's your dog. they were just dogsitting for you, as per the agreement.
her and her son are assholes.
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nta. you are better off cutting all ties with them. the idea that her son was wonderful for telling you her son cheated is insane. keeping in contact with them will most likely result in more abuse from them and, possibly, them trying to steal the dog back.
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nta, keep these people away from you.
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nta. it’s your dog and even if they were good to your dog, they seemed to be shitty towards you and having to bring your dog to see them would be super uncomfortable. there’s no such thing as joint custody of a pet, she’s a dog, not a child and i get the feeling that this family will do whatever it takes to get your dog so i wouldn’t bring her around them anymore.
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if the dog is involved with them, then you will have to be involved with them. the balance just isn't there. your dog will love you and be happy, even without them in her life. it's not worth having to interact with a horrible person who cheated on you and said horrible things about you, or the person who defends him. nta.
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nta. they didn’t respect your wishes that the dog go with your parents, so you shouldn’t trust them at all. then she asks you to keep quiet about what a dickhead her son is. cut contact and move on. be thankful your dog is safe.
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i'm gonna go with yta for adopting a dog while you were planning a 6 month long trip where you weren't going to be taking care of it.
of course the ex's mother wants to keep the dog, from what it sounds like she raised it and trained it.
unless there's a time factor i'm missing. you said you were planning the trip for 5 years, how long was it from when you got the dog to when you went on the trip?
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
YTA
| null | null | null | 0.057131 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this post stays here not for any other use so this story begins a few years ago. i met a guy and we had been dating for 3 years when i left to hike the appalachian trail. during this time i got a dog, my ex didn’t spend a dime on her other than a collar. i off and on lived with his mother and brother and his mom would often keep her while i was working or out with her son traveling. so when the time came for me to leave i asked if she would want to keep her while i was gone even though my parents offered because my dog was familiar with their home ( i would be gone 4-6 months). of course any expense that comes i would pay since she’s my responsibility. well not even 2 months into my hike my boyfriend called to tell me he cheated on me, i ended things asked him to pack all my items and my parents would come to pick everything up. well the day comes and my ex and his mother wouldn’t give my dog back. they called the cops and because her adoption/chip is in my name and i wasn’t present the cops wouldn’t do anything. i had been planning this thruhike for 5 years and because my budget was tight i decided to finish my hike before coming home. i only did this because my exs mother and i came to an agreement and would continually send me pictures of her and incase it became legal i needed more evidence of her saying how she was my dog and such. (in my state, even with my documents it still would have been a civil case.) i still feel bad about this as i now believe i should have found a way back to my state to get to her and take my dog home immediately. fast forward to me getting back home, the first thing i did was go and get her. his mom said some choice words, told me how wonderful her son was to call and say he cheated, said how their house was my dogs home and it isn’t fair for me to take my dog away from there. i told her my dog could visit and told me if i didn’t bring the dog she’d take me to court for her because she’s hers too. we talked about my ex and i’s relationship which involved me telling her some of the horrible things he said.after getting home ex’s mother called me and asked me not to tell anyone some of the horrible things her son said. after this i blocked her and anyone else in his family, i had no intentions of ever letting my dog or me having any contact with them after i got home. i ask if im the asshole because my dog loves them and i have not a single doubt that she was well loved and taken care of with them. i felt incredibly disrespected when my wishes that my dog stay with my parents wasn’t honored i feel conflicted because maybe i should have let them see my dog.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this post stays here not for any other use so this story begins a few years ago. i met a guy and we had been dating for 3 years when i left to hike the appalachian trail. during this time i got a dog, my ex didn’t spend a dime on her other than a collar. i off and on lived with his mother and brother and his mom would often keep her while i was working or out with her son traveling. so when the time came for me to leave i asked if she would want to keep her while i was gone even though my parents offered because my dog was familiar with their home ( i would be gone 4-6 months). of course any expense that comes i would pay since she’s my responsibility. well not even 2 months into my hike my boyfriend called to tell me he cheated on me, i ended things asked him to pack all my items and my parents would come to pick everything up. well the day comes and my ex and his mother wouldn’t give my dog back. they called the cops and because her adoption/chip is in my name and i wasn’t present the cops wouldn’t do anything. i had been planning this thruhike for 5 years and because my budget was tight i decided to finish my hike before coming home. i only did this because my exs mother and i came to an agreement and would continually send me pictures of her and incase it became legal i needed more evidence of her saying how she was my dog and such. (in my state, even with my documents it still would have been a civil case.) i still feel bad about this as i now believe i should have found a way back to my state to get to her and take my dog home immediately. fast forward to me getting back home, the first thing i did was go and get her. his mom said some choice words, told me how wonderful her son was to call and say he cheated, said how their house was my dogs home and it isn’t fair for me to take my dog away from there. i told her my dog could visit and told me if i didn’t bring the dog she’d take me to court for her because she’s hers too. we talked about my ex and i’s relationship which involved me telling her some of the horrible things he said.after getting home ex’s mother called me and asked me not to tell anyone some of the horrible things her son said. after this i blocked her and anyone else in his family, i had no intentions of ever letting my dog or me having any contact with them after i got home. i ask if im the asshole because my dog loves them and i have not a single doubt that she was well loved and taken care of with them. i felt incredibly disrespected when my wishes that my dog stay with my parents wasn’t honored i feel conflicted because maybe i should have let them see my dog. [/INST] nta, it's your dog. they were just dogsitting for you, as per the agreement. her and her son are assholes. </s>
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AITA for causing ~22k€ vet bills, because I give moms dogs to our local authorities?
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hay reddit, this happened a while ago, but i decide to ask for judgement now. first, english is not my main language, sorry for my bad grammar.
my (25m) mom(51) and her new family wanted to have a family vacation, but they have 2 dogs which they don't wanted to bring with them, so they decide to ask every one of their neighbors, but they have refused. i was the last one they have contacted, and i also have refused. they were mad at me and started nagging me. but i told them no way that i will be their dog sitters.
maybe some of you will say it is a "family duty", i have 3 good reasons for that:
first, i just hate dogs, like some people hate spiders, i had a traumatic experience with a dog in my childhood. second, i am not even close to my mom and her new family, we just see each other on family gatherings when my grandparents invited me. last, i had a newborn child(now 6-month-old) and i don't want to put my baby in danger with strangers dogs.
they have decided, that i owe them to help out and on a saturday morning i found their 2 dogs leashed in my garden, as i came back from my night shift job. i called them, but they refused to get their dogs back and were just unreasonable, and they were already on the way to their vacation.
i have called our local animal protection service, and told them the situation. they have taken both dogs and couldn't contact them. so both dogs end up as a result in a shelter. important is the shelters in my region scan every new dog for possible health issues and treat them automatically if the owner can't be contacted. it seems like the dogs had serious issues and their vet bills add up to €21800 of course the authorities have forced my mom and their family to pay them back after they came back from their 4 weeklong vacation, they had to go in debts and have serious financial issues now.
now they're demanding from me to pay the money, because they wouldn't let the dogs treated if they had a choice, and would choose to euthanize them. i told them they shouldn't dump their dogs on me in the first place, and they don't get any penny from me. the whole extended maternal-family is now bitching on my phone, to force me to pay for the treatment of moms stupid dogs.
i don't know from where they have this mindset, but they exactly now i am on minimal contact with my mom, and that i hate dogs. am i wrong here?
| 3,161 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/olk6jy/aita_for_causing_22k_vet_bills_because_i_give/
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2021-07-16 16:19:53
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nta family is 150% the asshole. nothing of that was your fault, they caused all their own problems. in fact you are helping those dogs get the medical stuff they need.
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>the whole extended maternal-family is now bitching on my phone, to force me to pay for the treatment of moms stupid dogs.
>
>i don't know from where they have this mindset, but they exactly now i am on minimal contact with my mom, and that i hate dogs. am i wrong here?
&#x200b;
* the same family who didn't want to take the dogs in as well? my assumption is that they are bitching so that your mother gets off their back, and doesn't bother them. they are acting as flying monkeys to your mother. [https://www.reddit.com/r/justnomil/comments/77pxpo/dont\_rock\_the\_boat/](https://www.reddit.com/r/justnomil/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/)
* in your shoes, i'd block them if they don't stop harassing you.*"aunt, i was clear with mother and x that i wouldn't take the dogs. they ignored what i said, and dumped them on me without warning. i ensured that the dogs were taken care of their absence, which my mother should have organised. stop harassing me. you'll be blocked if you continue. this is not a negotiation."*
*------------*
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nta
you told them "no," and they left the dogs in your yard.
you called them to get the dogs, and they refused. the only part where you might be criticized is if you didn't warn them you intended to call animal control. frankly, the cost for the treatment sounds like a scam, and mandatory treatment sounds even more suspicious.
however, you were under no obligation to keep the dogs and definitely don't owe them for the cost of the treatment.
block everyone harassing you. if you speak to any of them, simply tell them they should have agreed to keep the dogs for four weeks if they're so concerned.
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nta
the dogs were abandoned on your property, and who knows what could happen between the time your parents tied them up and you found them.
and to have an account of that amount, your parents must have neglected the dogs' health.to present such a health problem, they must have given several signs before.
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[removed]
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nta!
poor dogs. they must have been in pain if they were so sick. glad they got help. you aren't responsible for the cost at all! you did the right thing by contacting authorities.
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[deleted]
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nta, you denied responsibility of the dogs and they decided on their own that you owe them. you owe them nothing and have every ground to no pay them a penny.
based on what they did, i would consider that abandonment to leave 2 dogs at someone's home who has no interest in caring for them and has agreed to not care for them.
block their numbers and eliminate any remaining contact you have with them immediately. if their harassment continues, file a report with authorities.
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you didn't cause those bills. you didn't agree to care for the dogs. and your family sucks on all levels. i understand why youre lc with them.
nta
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nta. pets and children are not to be dumped on anyone without explicit consent. doing so is neglect and calling the proper authorities is what one does when neglect is made clear. the fact that they now have to pay for their neglect is not a you problem. nta
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hay reddit, this happened a while ago, but i decide to ask for judgement now. first, english is not my main language, sorry for my bad grammar. my (25m) mom(51) and her new family wanted to have a family vacation, but they have 2 dogs which they don't wanted to bring with them, so they decide to ask every one of their neighbors, but they have refused. i was the last one they have contacted, and i also have refused. they were mad at me and started nagging me. but i told them no way that i will be their dog sitters. maybe some of you will say it is a "family duty", i have 3 good reasons for that: first, i just hate dogs, like some people hate spiders, i had a traumatic experience with a dog in my childhood. second, i am not even close to my mom and her new family, we just see each other on family gatherings when my grandparents invited me. last, i had a newborn child(now 6-month-old) and i don't want to put my baby in danger with strangers dogs. they have decided, that i owe them to help out and on a saturday morning i found their 2 dogs leashed in my garden, as i came back from my night shift job. i called them, but they refused to get their dogs back and were just unreasonable, and they were already on the way to their vacation. i have called our local animal protection service, and told them the situation. they have taken both dogs and couldn't contact them. so both dogs end up as a result in a shelter. important is the shelters in my region scan every new dog for possible health issues and treat them automatically if the owner can't be contacted. it seems like the dogs had serious issues and their vet bills add up to €21800 of course the authorities have forced my mom and their family to pay them back after they came back from their 4 weeklong vacation, they had to go in debts and have serious financial issues now. now they're demanding from me to pay the money, because they wouldn't let the dogs treated if they had a choice, and would choose to euthanize them. i told them they shouldn't dump their dogs on me in the first place, and they don't get any penny from me. the whole extended maternal-family is now bitching on my phone, to force me to pay for the treatment of moms stupid dogs. i don't know from where they have this mindset, but they exactly now i am on minimal contact with my mom, and that i hate dogs. am i wrong here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hay reddit, this happened a while ago, but i decide to ask for judgement now. first, english is not my main language, sorry for my bad grammar. my (25m) mom(51) and her new family wanted to have a family vacation, but they have 2 dogs which they don't wanted to bring with them, so they decide to ask every one of their neighbors, but they have refused. i was the last one they have contacted, and i also have refused. they were mad at me and started nagging me. but i told them no way that i will be their dog sitters. maybe some of you will say it is a "family duty", i have 3 good reasons for that: first, i just hate dogs, like some people hate spiders, i had a traumatic experience with a dog in my childhood. second, i am not even close to my mom and her new family, we just see each other on family gatherings when my grandparents invited me. last, i had a newborn child(now 6-month-old) and i don't want to put my baby in danger with strangers dogs. they have decided, that i owe them to help out and on a saturday morning i found their 2 dogs leashed in my garden, as i came back from my night shift job. i called them, but they refused to get their dogs back and were just unreasonable, and they were already on the way to their vacation. i have called our local animal protection service, and told them the situation. they have taken both dogs and couldn't contact them. so both dogs end up as a result in a shelter. important is the shelters in my region scan every new dog for possible health issues and treat them automatically if the owner can't be contacted. it seems like the dogs had serious issues and their vet bills add up to €21800 of course the authorities have forced my mom and their family to pay them back after they came back from their 4 weeklong vacation, they had to go in debts and have serious financial issues now. now they're demanding from me to pay the money, because they wouldn't let the dogs treated if they had a choice, and would choose to euthanize them. i told them they shouldn't dump their dogs on me in the first place, and they don't get any penny from me. the whole extended maternal-family is now bitching on my phone, to force me to pay for the treatment of moms stupid dogs. i don't know from where they have this mindset, but they exactly now i am on minimal contact with my mom, and that i hate dogs. am i wrong here? [/INST] nta family is 150% the asshole. nothing of that was your fault, they caused all their own problems. in fact you are helping those dogs get the medical stuff they need. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my soon to be sister in laws son to destroy my daughter's room?
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so i, 30f, have a sister in-law who has an autistic son. my sister in law has been spoiled her entire life and generally thinks people should do what she wants, when she wants. everytime they come to my house, she lets her son destroy things in my daughter's room and dump toys all over the floor. he has broken a life-size mirror, smeared slime into the carpet and trashes her room so badly that it takes me an hour to clean it. she does not clean up after him even though she says she does. well one day she was over when i was at work and her son was trashing my daughter's room and my fiance told them nicely that no one is going to go in that room right now. so she gets mad and takes her son and leaves without saying a word. that's been about a month ago now. so fast forward to now, my fiance gets a text from his brother, her husband, saying she is upset because her son cannot go in the room anymore when all the other kids play in it. she's basically accusing us of treating him differently and says he doesn't understand to not make a mess and break things. he understands a lot of things and certainly understands what no means but she has never made a move to teach him what's acceptable and what's not. her and her husband, my fiance's brother, are making us decide if he can go in my daughter's room or not from now on or they won't be coming over. we have offered to bring toys into our living room for him to play, as he prefers to play by himself, but she says that she doesn't agree with that bc all the other kids in the family go play in the bedrooms. i love all children and would never single a child out but i don't believe that it's fair of them to demand anything of us in our own home when we always go out of our way to host family gatherings and account for everyone's needs and wants in the family without any help. also i believe i would feel differently if she supervised him more and either made him clean up or she clean it up so it doesn't always fall on me to clean every time they are over. my fiance and i are trying to figure out a way to make everyone happy but not be taken advantage of in the process. so aita?
| 344 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wugmjq/aita_for_not_wanting_my_soon_to_be_sister_in_laws/
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2022-08-22 01:48:47
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nta
your daughter deserves to have her space respected. if another child, no matter their disability, cannot respect her space, they can play in other spaces provided to them.
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ntae.... not the asshole enough.
stop trying to please everyone, give your sil a bill for replacing and all the things her kid trashed, and once she pays it, -as she is legally obligated to do as his parent- then stop having everyone over
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nta set your boundaries in your home
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nta
you seem to have been as patient as one could reasonable expect you to be. the very least she could do is clean up after her son, let alone make sure he isn’t destroying your daughters things. it’s the parents job to be responsible for their own child, and it doesn’t seem like that’s the case with your sister-in-law. i’m sorry they are accusing you
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if she and her family are that upset about it, they are welcome to pay for someone to clean the room and pay to replace damaged items each time sil's son plays in there.
nta
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nta. it's your daughter's room, not a generic play room. your sil is an entitled ah, and your bil is her enabler.
you are not going to make everyone happy here, so choose yourself and your daughter's happiness.
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nta
your fiance needs to handle this, because it's his family, and he needs to say, "brother/sil, when y'all come over, you don't replace what nephew breaks, you don't clean up his messes, and you don't supervise your child to prevent these problems in the first place. before you make demands of us, you need to get your parenting in order."
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nta
you have every right to set boundaries in your own home. your sil is setting her son up for failure
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i think your sil has other siblings & siblings in law that have the same problem with her.
might be the same one as in this post - [https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/wiuneo/aita\_for\_not\_replacing\_my\_daughters\_belongings/](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/wiuneo/aita_for_not_replacing_my_daughters_belongings/)
cousin destroys daughters room, though that mom defended the trasher & punished kid who's room got trashed.
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nta. your daughter deserves to have her space too.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i, 30f, have a sister in-law who has an autistic son. my sister in law has been spoiled her entire life and generally thinks people should do what she wants, when she wants. everytime they come to my house, she lets her son destroy things in my daughter's room and dump toys all over the floor. he has broken a life-size mirror, smeared slime into the carpet and trashes her room so badly that it takes me an hour to clean it. she does not clean up after him even though she says she does. well one day she was over when i was at work and her son was trashing my daughter's room and my fiance told them nicely that no one is going to go in that room right now. so she gets mad and takes her son and leaves without saying a word. that's been about a month ago now. so fast forward to now, my fiance gets a text from his brother, her husband, saying she is upset because her son cannot go in the room anymore when all the other kids play in it. she's basically accusing us of treating him differently and says he doesn't understand to not make a mess and break things. he understands a lot of things and certainly understands what no means but she has never made a move to teach him what's acceptable and what's not. her and her husband, my fiance's brother, are making us decide if he can go in my daughter's room or not from now on or they won't be coming over. we have offered to bring toys into our living room for him to play, as he prefers to play by himself, but she says that she doesn't agree with that bc all the other kids in the family go play in the bedrooms. i love all children and would never single a child out but i don't believe that it's fair of them to demand anything of us in our own home when we always go out of our way to host family gatherings and account for everyone's needs and wants in the family without any help. also i believe i would feel differently if she supervised him more and either made him clean up or she clean it up so it doesn't always fall on me to clean every time they are over. my fiance and i are trying to figure out a way to make everyone happy but not be taken advantage of in the process. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i, 30f, have a sister in-law who has an autistic son. my sister in law has been spoiled her entire life and generally thinks people should do what she wants, when she wants. everytime they come to my house, she lets her son destroy things in my daughter's room and dump toys all over the floor. he has broken a life-size mirror, smeared slime into the carpet and trashes her room so badly that it takes me an hour to clean it. she does not clean up after him even though she says she does. well one day she was over when i was at work and her son was trashing my daughter's room and my fiance told them nicely that no one is going to go in that room right now. so she gets mad and takes her son and leaves without saying a word. that's been about a month ago now. so fast forward to now, my fiance gets a text from his brother, her husband, saying she is upset because her son cannot go in the room anymore when all the other kids play in it. she's basically accusing us of treating him differently and says he doesn't understand to not make a mess and break things. he understands a lot of things and certainly understands what no means but she has never made a move to teach him what's acceptable and what's not. her and her husband, my fiance's brother, are making us decide if he can go in my daughter's room or not from now on or they won't be coming over. we have offered to bring toys into our living room for him to play, as he prefers to play by himself, but she says that she doesn't agree with that bc all the other kids in the family go play in the bedrooms. i love all children and would never single a child out but i don't believe that it's fair of them to demand anything of us in our own home when we always go out of our way to host family gatherings and account for everyone's needs and wants in the family without any help. also i believe i would feel differently if she supervised him more and either made him clean up or she clean it up so it doesn't always fall on me to clean every time they are over. my fiance and i are trying to figure out a way to make everyone happy but not be taken advantage of in the process. so aita? [/INST] nta your daughter deserves to have her space respected. if another child, no matter their disability, cannot respect her space, they can play in other spaces provided to them. </s>
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AITA for leaving my parents at lunch right after they told me my aunt died
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i met my parents for a late lunch just a little bit ago. to give some background we don't get along real well, but are making an effort since we've grown tired of fighting. now onto where i might be the asshole.
my dad's sister has been fighting cancer for a couple years now, but recently had not been doing well. me and her were close, nothing insane, but she was the one i sought out during family gatherings.
my dad tells me out of the blue she died last night. he literally brought it up in casual conversation with no warning or thought. i'm shocked and i feel like that's a normal response, so i asked him if we could continue this conversation at home where we can talk in private and i can feel comfortable expressing my sadness. now my mother starts in with all the details about funeral plans and how my uncle is doing, and i panic. when i stood up i excused myself and said i would be at home waiting for them. i didn't want to talk about this in public, but walking back to my car i get a text saying i was disrespectful.
i tried to explain when i called that you shouldn't drop a bomb like that on someone in public and it would've been best to wait till i was home off work, and could process and grieve at home in private. she told me i was being irrational about it and then hung up the phone. now neither of my parents are speaking to me and my aunt is dead.
am i the asshole?
| 1,103 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ozf88l/aita_for_leaving_my_parents_at_lunch_right_after/
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2021-08-06 20:48:01
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nta. this is news they should have called you about when it happened. i don't understand what they were thinking to tell you casually and then act all surprised when you had a strong reaction. jesus.
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your response was honestly way better than anything i would have done. you are absolutly not the asshole, your parents on the other hand are totaly ta in this situation. your parents were not only not empathetic towards you, they even (in my opinion) disrespected your dead aunt. and they want to say you are disrespectful? wtf
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huge nta. i'm so sorry for your loss. you deserved to find out in a calm and private setting.
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nta. dude. they have got to know how insensitive it us to tell someone all these details after being told that it was an uncomfortable topic.
even i know when not talk about death(which i have no issues with)
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"walking back to my car i get a text saying i was disrespectful. i tried to explain\[...\]"
no offense and i don't mean to be .. well, mean here, but to me it feels like the time for explanations is over, you don't need to explain a completely normal reaction to them and overall it also doesn't seem like they really make an effort to mend bridges here, but more like guilting you into compliance because they know better and you're wrong anyway.
sorry for the loss of your aunt, best wishes for the near future, but if i may give some advise here: don't try to find stability with your parents, i really don't think they can offer that to you, on the contrary - they'll probably make you even more miserable. nta.
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nta, and i'm so very, very sorry that your parents could only focus on the 'disrespect' (i believe they actually disrespected you by not sharing that news in a place where you could openly express your feelings) and don't see how what they did was wrong. your request to leave and talk about it out of the public eye was extremely reasonable. i cannot imagine sharing that sort of news over lunch, as though one was discussing the weather or current affairs. i'm sorry that they lack the empathy most of us would have when sharing such distressing news and are calling you 'irrational'. it may be that you are holding up a mirror to their own behavior/reactions/thoughts and they don't like how it looks. i don't know. hugs to you. losing a loved one is always hard, even when we know the time might be sooner than later.
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wow--not irrational at all and definitely nta.
what is wrong with your parents?! that's your dad's sister!
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nta at all! my condolences, and you are absolutely correct that a public setting was not the appropriate place to break the news to you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i met my parents for a late lunch just a little bit ago. to give some background we don't get along real well, but are making an effort since we've grown tired of fighting. now onto where i might be the asshole. my dad's sister has been fighting cancer for a couple years now, but recently had not been doing well. me and her were close, nothing insane, but she was the one i sought out during family gatherings. my dad tells me out of the blue she died last night. he literally brought it up in casual conversation with no warning or thought. i'm shocked and i feel like that's a normal response, so i asked him if we could continue this conversation at home where we can talk in private and i can feel comfortable expressing my sadness. now my mother starts in with all the details about funeral plans and how my uncle is doing, and i panic. when i stood up i excused myself and said i would be at home waiting for them. i didn't want to talk about this in public, but walking back to my car i get a text saying i was disrespectful. i tried to explain when i called that you shouldn't drop a bomb like that on someone in public and it would've been best to wait till i was home off work, and could process and grieve at home in private. she told me i was being irrational about it and then hung up the phone. now neither of my parents are speaking to me and my aunt is dead. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i met my parents for a late lunch just a little bit ago. to give some background we don't get along real well, but are making an effort since we've grown tired of fighting. now onto where i might be the asshole. my dad's sister has been fighting cancer for a couple years now, but recently had not been doing well. me and her were close, nothing insane, but she was the one i sought out during family gatherings. my dad tells me out of the blue she died last night. he literally brought it up in casual conversation with no warning or thought. i'm shocked and i feel like that's a normal response, so i asked him if we could continue this conversation at home where we can talk in private and i can feel comfortable expressing my sadness. now my mother starts in with all the details about funeral plans and how my uncle is doing, and i panic. when i stood up i excused myself and said i would be at home waiting for them. i didn't want to talk about this in public, but walking back to my car i get a text saying i was disrespectful. i tried to explain when i called that you shouldn't drop a bomb like that on someone in public and it would've been best to wait till i was home off work, and could process and grieve at home in private. she told me i was being irrational about it and then hung up the phone. now neither of my parents are speaking to me and my aunt is dead. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. this is news they should have called you about when it happened. i don't understand what they were thinking to tell you casually and then act all surprised when you had a strong reaction. jesus. </s>
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AITA for making my brother buy me a new shotgun after he likely ruined mine? dumbass fired a .50cal bmg out of my 12 gauge
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i 22m live in an apartment with my 19m brother. i got hunting and shooting a lot so i got a bunch of guns. i was gone for a bit and i let my brother use mine to go hunting. he doesn't have a shotgun, just rifles, which he wanted to use to go duck hunting so i let him.
i see him on snapchat putting a .50cal bmg into the 12 gauge. apparently htere's a trend of people doing that on youtube, its so fucking stupid and dangerous. do not do that. do not use ammo that is not made for your gun. it can cause damage to the gun and hurt the shooter. well the casing from teh 50 cal got stuck, which isn't a surpise because the gun isn't made to pump out anything other than shotgun shells.
when my brother came home i was fucking pissed. i told him he owes me 250 dollars so i can go buy another one of those shotguns. he said no and that i can continue using mine, i said i don't give a shit, he can have that one, im not using it anymore incase there was damage to it. i don't trust using it after the 50 cal and whatever else he's done. i also changed the combination to the safe so he can no longer access my guns.
i told him he has 2 days to give me 250 dollars or he's moving out, so he gave me the money but the rest of my family is pissed saying i was ridiculously mean and that he didn't have to buy me new gun and im just being a safety baby or something. i told them to shut the fuck up and i don't want to hear it
| 582 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k5avbm/aita_for_making_my_brother_buy_me_a_new_shotgun/
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2020-12-02 15:06:36
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nta
"safety baby" - your family is stupid and should not be around guns.
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nta: so he thinks it’s okay to ruin your property just to do stupid stuff with it? like if he scratched up someone’s car he would have to pay for damages. play stupid games win stupid prizes. his actions have consequences and it shouldn’t come out of your pocket.
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nta.
holy shit he is playing with fire right there.
your fam seems like to have no clue about gun saftey but i don't trust guns, in this case a shotgun, that have been shot with wrong ammo.
safety first.
maybe you could get the gun checked if there was any damage to it,
to change the code to the safe was a good idea stick on keeping him away from you guns when he messing with them like that.
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nta
thank you for being a responsible gun owner.
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nta. your family is for not caring about proper gun use and safety.
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nta. that gun is unsafe to use and compromised. plenty of accidents have resulted in usage of compromised weapons or immediately from using ammunition not designed for it.
what your brother did was the equivalent of running an engine without motor oil. the engine is more or less destroyed. you are owed a new gun and your family doesnt know what they are talking about. nta
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nta.
questions of having guns in an apartment aside, you did exactly the right thing: refused to use an unsafe weapon, removed access to the weapons to an irresponsible user, and held your ground on him damaging your property.
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nta. being a responsible gun owner makes you a "safety baby"? wtf. also, if brother wants to muck around with using the wrong ammo for a gun, he needs to use his own gun. not someone else's. you were right to demand money for a replacement and changing the code to you gun safe.
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nta
> he said no and that i can continue using mine
ask him if he'd be comfortable driving his car if someone filled his tank with diesel.
(not as a revenge-threat, obviously, but as an example of a similar mistake and the damage it could cause)
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nta, that's some dumb shit they did, that thing is your fucking baby for the level of responsibility you're bestowed by having it, your family calling you a wuss about it are the kinds of people to accidentally leave guns accessible to potential shooters or thieves.
that said while it sounds like you were too pissed to entertain the idea, it might have been worth taking it apart to see what's been done to it, like some form of autopsy done in some grim fascination. but by by then the gun would be in your hands and your opportunity for compensation drops to near-zero chances. so the decision to make him keep it is also sound, well, as sound as letting a person like that keep a firearm in general, atleast he'll probably hurt himself before others.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i 22m live in an apartment with my 19m brother. i got hunting and shooting a lot so i got a bunch of guns. i was gone for a bit and i let my brother use mine to go hunting. he doesn't have a shotgun, just rifles, which he wanted to use to go duck hunting so i let him. i see him on snapchat putting a .50cal bmg into the 12 gauge. apparently htere's a trend of people doing that on youtube, its so fucking stupid and dangerous. do not do that. do not use ammo that is not made for your gun. it can cause damage to the gun and hurt the shooter. well the casing from teh 50 cal got stuck, which isn't a surpise because the gun isn't made to pump out anything other than shotgun shells. when my brother came home i was fucking pissed. i told him he owes me 250 dollars so i can go buy another one of those shotguns. he said no and that i can continue using mine, i said i don't give a shit, he can have that one, im not using it anymore incase there was damage to it. i don't trust using it after the 50 cal and whatever else he's done. i also changed the combination to the safe so he can no longer access my guns. i told him he has 2 days to give me 250 dollars or he's moving out, so he gave me the money but the rest of my family is pissed saying i was ridiculously mean and that he didn't have to buy me new gun and im just being a safety baby or something. i told them to shut the fuck up and i don't want to hear it
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i 22m live in an apartment with my 19m brother. i got hunting and shooting a lot so i got a bunch of guns. i was gone for a bit and i let my brother use mine to go hunting. he doesn't have a shotgun, just rifles, which he wanted to use to go duck hunting so i let him. i see him on snapchat putting a .50cal bmg into the 12 gauge. apparently htere's a trend of people doing that on youtube, its so fucking stupid and dangerous. do not do that. do not use ammo that is not made for your gun. it can cause damage to the gun and hurt the shooter. well the casing from teh 50 cal got stuck, which isn't a surpise because the gun isn't made to pump out anything other than shotgun shells. when my brother came home i was fucking pissed. i told him he owes me 250 dollars so i can go buy another one of those shotguns. he said no and that i can continue using mine, i said i don't give a shit, he can have that one, im not using it anymore incase there was damage to it. i don't trust using it after the 50 cal and whatever else he's done. i also changed the combination to the safe so he can no longer access my guns. i told him he has 2 days to give me 250 dollars or he's moving out, so he gave me the money but the rest of my family is pissed saying i was ridiculously mean and that he didn't have to buy me new gun and im just being a safety baby or something. i told them to shut the fuck up and i don't want to hear it [/INST] nta "safety baby" - your family is stupid and should not be around guns. </s>
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AITA - Father In Law Cutting Trees in Front Yard
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i work from home, and today i hear a chainsaw start up nearby. i almost ignore it, we're in the woods with neighbors a little close by, so i'm like, maybe its one of them. but i look and, no, that's my front yard, that's my father in law, and he's cutting up some small trees.
i confront him, and i'm like, what are you doing here? why are you cutting trees down? what's going on.
fil: "oh, they're doing a big burn in town and we're going around the town finding dead/fallen trees to bring in."
me: "but i didn't ask you to do that. i didn't know you were. you didn't ask if you could or text or anything."
fil: "well if we had to have asked, we wouldn't have bothered coming."
me: "yeah, see, i'd be fine if you hadn't!"
&#x200b;
he packed it up after that, but made sure to run the chainsaw on just one more (gotta prove who's boss, ya know) and then left.
&#x200b;
my wife says i need to "get used to" country life and cultural differences, but i say bullshit. i've told him not to just show up doing random stuff before and he keeps doing it. but maybe i'm the asshole because i should want help dealing with the couple small fallen trees from time to time? even though i'm fine with them. i know i'm caught up in a control feeling, but, it's my land. mine. if i want that tree hanging sideways, dead, and adorned with fungi, that's my business, no one else's. i bought this, it took a long time, and i don't want people randomly changing it because they're bored or they want to bring in a big haul of wood to burn for their town big dog ego.
| 167 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ud8bcx/aita_father_in_law_cutting_trees_in_front_yard/
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2022-04-27 16:59:32
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nta, but fallen trees provide fire fuel, and in the country, a forest fire is everyone's business. if you are deliberately leaving dead and fallen trees because you just kinda want to, then you're the ah for allowing a situation that could not only endanger your land and property, but your neighbors as well.
and while i don't think you're an ah for being pissed, if your in-laws are willing to cut up dead and fallen trees and cart them away, the correct response is to offer them a beer, not get angry.
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nta if only you had some sort of device he could communicate with you on, to see if you wanted him to actually do that…
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nta. wth, country life or not, he does not have the right to trespass on your property and cause damage. your wife is caught between you and your fil, but she needs to understand and support the person she married.
having said that, the property is **yours (plural)**. it belongs to both you and your wife. did she give permission to her dad to come on **your (again plural)** property and cut the trees? i'm not saying that makes what he did right or justifiable, but i do think you need to take another look at your attitude about your property.
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nta. ask your wife if she would be ok with your mother coming into the house and doing some things she (your mother) felt needed taken care of without asking first.
regardless of intention, it is basic consideration to ask permission before going on someone’s property. as someone who grew up in the country, people living in the country tend to be much more sensitive to trespassing in my experience.
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nta. it's only land, but it's your land.
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nta, your fil needs to learn to mind his own business.
>fil: "well if we had to have asked, we wouldn't have bothered coming."
this to me says he know he's not welcome and chose to trespass anyway. he is ta and needs a reality check. put up a sign that says "we don't fire warning shots"
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work from home, and today i hear a chainsaw start up nearby. i almost ignore it, we're in the woods with neighbors a little close by, so i'm like, maybe its one of them. but i look and, no, that's my front yard, that's my father in law, and he's cutting up some small trees. i confront him, and i'm like, what are you doing here? why are you cutting trees down? what's going on. fil: "oh, they're doing a big burn in town and we're going around the town finding dead/fallen trees to bring in." me: "but i didn't ask you to do that. i didn't know you were. you didn't ask if you could or text or anything." fil: "well if we had to have asked, we wouldn't have bothered coming." me: "yeah, see, i'd be fine if you hadn't!" &#x200b; he packed it up after that, but made sure to run the chainsaw on just one more (gotta prove who's boss, ya know) and then left. &#x200b; my wife says i need to "get used to" country life and cultural differences, but i say bullshit. i've told him not to just show up doing random stuff before and he keeps doing it. but maybe i'm the asshole because i should want help dealing with the couple small fallen trees from time to time? even though i'm fine with them. i know i'm caught up in a control feeling, but, it's my land. mine. if i want that tree hanging sideways, dead, and adorned with fungi, that's my business, no one else's. i bought this, it took a long time, and i don't want people randomly changing it because they're bored or they want to bring in a big haul of wood to burn for their town big dog ego.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work from home, and today i hear a chainsaw start up nearby. i almost ignore it, we're in the woods with neighbors a little close by, so i'm like, maybe its one of them. but i look and, no, that's my front yard, that's my father in law, and he's cutting up some small trees. i confront him, and i'm like, what are you doing here? why are you cutting trees down? what's going on. fil: "oh, they're doing a big burn in town and we're going around the town finding dead/fallen trees to bring in." me: "but i didn't ask you to do that. i didn't know you were. you didn't ask if you could or text or anything." fil: "well if we had to have asked, we wouldn't have bothered coming." me: "yeah, see, i'd be fine if you hadn't!" &#x200b; he packed it up after that, but made sure to run the chainsaw on just one more (gotta prove who's boss, ya know) and then left. &#x200b; my wife says i need to "get used to" country life and cultural differences, but i say bullshit. i've told him not to just show up doing random stuff before and he keeps doing it. but maybe i'm the asshole because i should want help dealing with the couple small fallen trees from time to time? even though i'm fine with them. i know i'm caught up in a control feeling, but, it's my land. mine. if i want that tree hanging sideways, dead, and adorned with fungi, that's my business, no one else's. i bought this, it took a long time, and i don't want people randomly changing it because they're bored or they want to bring in a big haul of wood to burn for their town big dog ego. [/INST] nta, but fallen trees provide fire fuel, and in the country, a forest fire is everyone's business. if you are deliberately leaving dead and fallen trees because you just kinda want to, then you're the ah for allowing a situation that could not only endanger your land and property, but your neighbors as well. and while i don't think you're an ah for being pissed, if your in-laws are willing to cut up dead and fallen trees and cart them away, the correct response is to offer them a beer, not get angry. </s>
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AITA for saying that a customer’s daughter bullied me back in high school, we weren't friends?
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so i work at a department store in a mall near where i grew up. i was bullied in hs. not to the end of my rope, but it wasn’t pleasant. i don’t think about it a lot, but sometimes people from hs come through my store. i just do my job and am pleasant to them because i need the money.
anyway a woman came through to pick up an order, and she gave me the last name and spelled it. i thought “hey that’s kristin and katie’s last name from hs.” it was a pretty unique one.
i didn’t say anything at first, just normal pleasant chatter. she took the stuff out of the bag to make sure it was right and commented “my daughters will love these, they just finished college,” etc etc. she essentially confirmed who’s mom she was.
i was just making small talk and said “oh, i think i went to school with a kristin and katie lastname.”
she said “oh yeah?! how funny! were you friends?”
i said “oh no, i just knew they were in my grade.”
she said “were you on the volleyball team with them?”
i said “no, i don’t think so.”
she looked at my nametag and said “that’s odd, i think i remember them talking about a penny back then! you must’ve come over for their birthday or something.”
that just kinda made me sad, because i've never been to a birthday party before, and i said “no, i definitely never came over. kristin bullied me and i don’t think i ever talked to katie.”
her entire demeanor changed (which was okay honestly, i had people in line). she didn’t say a single thing after that and just kinda left without taking her order sheet. i didn’t chase her down to get it to her. she’ll have a copy in her email anyway.
the next customer in line said something like “wheeeew, that was awkward!” and my coworker at the counter agreed. they both laughed about it, but later on my coworker said that it was pretty douchey to tell a parent that their kid was a bully. she has a daughter. i don’t have kids. i have a betta fish named karl.
on the one hand, yeah i guess. it was like 4 years ago. but at the same time… it happened, and i’d think a parent would want to know that their kid was a jerk to others so they could talk about it. even as adults. aita?
| 8,748 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r5p7h4/aita_for_saying_that_a_customers_daughter_bullied/
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2021-11-30 15:05:21
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nta
mum just realized she heard her daughter talking about somebody she bullied and did not put 2 and 2 together. she just reakized by pushing she learned her daughter is/was a ah and a bully and was embarrassed by it.
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yta you brought the connection up- what did you think was going to happen? she didn't know who you were, her daughters probably never mentioned you she was trying to be polite to someone who seemed to know her family. this entire interaction wouldn't have happened if you hadn't forced it. what, did you think you would tell their mother how awful her daughter was and she would tearfully beg your forgiveness and call your ex-bully on the phone in front of you and disown her for her crimes? you put this woman who just wanted to do her shopping in peace in an uncomfortable position for no reason.
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yta why would you bring up the connection only to hit her with that? it was completely unnecessary.
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nah - you probably shouldn't have said anything, and she shouldn't have pushed. these errors aren't enough to make anyone the asshole.
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yta you brought it up. you basically trapped her into telling her that her daughter was a bully. obviously the daughter is an ah for bullying you (bullies suck). but what good did it do to bring it up to her mom in a store in front of strangers while you were working?? theres a time and a place and this was definitely not it.
i would have said nta if she had recognized you and said something like “didn’t you go to school with my daughters” and then kept pressing the issue.
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yta
you sought out this conversation specifically because you wanted to deliver that feedback, which if you were on your own time is one thing, but totally unprofessional of you to do at work, unprovoked. i'd fire you for harassing the customers and creating a toxic environment.
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nta
not like you broke down in tears or gave horrible descriptions of what they did.
plus, this was more of the other person pushed you to say something because you did deflect it like 2 times (“in my grade” and “not on volleyball team”)
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it seems i'm going against the grain here, but yta.
obviously the daughters are ahs for the bullying, but they're not part of this story. this is an interaction between you, who works in customer service, and their mother, a paying customer who didn't bully you in high school.
as part of your job you usually have to make small talk as you complete the sale, but you recognised her, she didn't recognise you. *you* were the one to bring up knowing her daughters, and being asked how you know them was bound to be the next question. you may have answered honestly, but there was always the option you didn't take: say nothing the first place, take her money, let her leave with her shopping, and forget about it. instead you went with the nuclear option.
i notice in another comment someone said you were unprofessional. this is what they mean. for minimum wage in retail, professional means you say "have a nice day" and then shut the fuck up. you've probably embarrassed a customer in to not coming back, and you're lucky your management didn't overhear the conversation.
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yta
you brought it up and started the conversation.
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yta, there was no reason to bring up the connection and make the interaction awkward.
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.257125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i work at a department store in a mall near where i grew up. i was bullied in hs. not to the end of my rope, but it wasn’t pleasant. i don’t think about it a lot, but sometimes people from hs come through my store. i just do my job and am pleasant to them because i need the money. anyway a woman came through to pick up an order, and she gave me the last name and spelled it. i thought “hey that’s kristin and katie’s last name from hs.” it was a pretty unique one. i didn’t say anything at first, just normal pleasant chatter. she took the stuff out of the bag to make sure it was right and commented “my daughters will love these, they just finished college,” etc etc. she essentially confirmed who’s mom she was. i was just making small talk and said “oh, i think i went to school with a kristin and katie lastname.” she said “oh yeah?! how funny! were you friends?” i said “oh no, i just knew they were in my grade.” she said “were you on the volleyball team with them?” i said “no, i don’t think so.” she looked at my nametag and said “that’s odd, i think i remember them talking about a penny back then! you must’ve come over for their birthday or something.” that just kinda made me sad, because i've never been to a birthday party before, and i said “no, i definitely never came over. kristin bullied me and i don’t think i ever talked to katie.” her entire demeanor changed (which was okay honestly, i had people in line). she didn’t say a single thing after that and just kinda left without taking her order sheet. i didn’t chase her down to get it to her. she’ll have a copy in her email anyway. the next customer in line said something like “wheeeew, that was awkward!” and my coworker at the counter agreed. they both laughed about it, but later on my coworker said that it was pretty douchey to tell a parent that their kid was a bully. she has a daughter. i don’t have kids. i have a betta fish named karl. on the one hand, yeah i guess. it was like 4 years ago. but at the same time… it happened, and i’d think a parent would want to know that their kid was a jerk to others so they could talk about it. even as adults. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i work at a department store in a mall near where i grew up. i was bullied in hs. not to the end of my rope, but it wasn’t pleasant. i don’t think about it a lot, but sometimes people from hs come through my store. i just do my job and am pleasant to them because i need the money. anyway a woman came through to pick up an order, and she gave me the last name and spelled it. i thought “hey that’s kristin and katie’s last name from hs.” it was a pretty unique one. i didn’t say anything at first, just normal pleasant chatter. she took the stuff out of the bag to make sure it was right and commented “my daughters will love these, they just finished college,” etc etc. she essentially confirmed who’s mom she was. i was just making small talk and said “oh, i think i went to school with a kristin and katie lastname.” she said “oh yeah?! how funny! were you friends?” i said “oh no, i just knew they were in my grade.” she said “were you on the volleyball team with them?” i said “no, i don’t think so.” she looked at my nametag and said “that’s odd, i think i remember them talking about a penny back then! you must’ve come over for their birthday or something.” that just kinda made me sad, because i've never been to a birthday party before, and i said “no, i definitely never came over. kristin bullied me and i don’t think i ever talked to katie.” her entire demeanor changed (which was okay honestly, i had people in line). she didn’t say a single thing after that and just kinda left without taking her order sheet. i didn’t chase her down to get it to her. she’ll have a copy in her email anyway. the next customer in line said something like “wheeeew, that was awkward!” and my coworker at the counter agreed. they both laughed about it, but later on my coworker said that it was pretty douchey to tell a parent that their kid was a bully. she has a daughter. i don’t have kids. i have a betta fish named karl. on the one hand, yeah i guess. it was like 4 years ago. but at the same time… it happened, and i’d think a parent would want to know that their kid was a jerk to others so they could talk about it. even as adults. aita? [/INST] nta mum just realized she heard her daughter talking about somebody she bullied and did not put 2 and 2 together. she just reakized by pushing she learned her daughter is/was a ah and a bully and was embarrassed by it. </s>
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AITA (f23) for getting angry at my partner (m26) for eating MY groceries?
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i do not give permission for anyone to use my post. i’m on mobile, so sorry for formatting.
i promise the title isn’t as bad at it sounds. i have several food allergies that i recently found about over the last two years. in that time period i’ve completely switched out my diet. i’ve been buying my separate groceries that are a lot more expensive than normal chips, bread, milk etc. i still buy all the normal groceries that he likes as he’s not a fan of “vegan” options. i cook everything for him too and with ingredients he likes, even if i can’t eat it.
he constantly ends up demolishing my allergy free snacks within days of me purchasing them claiming they’ll go bad. i’ve asked him repeatedly not to and i just got home to find he’s used all of my creamer for my coffee. he buys doritos and ramen and foods i can’t eat and then eats my more expensive food. he always apologizes and says he “forgot” or that “ it was going to expire soon” when the expiration date isn’t for months.
i got angry and texted him again asking gently why he kept eating my food instead and that i was disappointed. he said he forgot and that it wasn’t a big deal. i texted back telling him it was bullshit and that i’ve been “reminding” him for the last year and i can’t help if he’s too cheap to help buy groceries i can eat too when i buy them for him. he said i was being unreasonable and that it’s just food.
(for context he is incredibly cheap and makes a lot more money than i do. which isn’t a big deal. i just think i’m justified in being angry)
| 461 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r5ufjm/aita_f23_for_getting_angry_at_my_partner_m26_for/
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2021-11-30 18:54:23
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nta- you have food allergies, he doesn’t. you need your food because it is all you can eat and he is just being a jerk and eating it, especially without asking. if it’s just food and not a big deal then he should just stop eating it. it doesn’t sound to me like he has your health and well being in mind.
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nta. at all. i believe this is a form of weaponized incompetence. he “forgets”, or “it was an accident” or “i’ll remember next time” or “it’s not a big deal” and he refuses to see why it bothers you so much. since you’ve already lost so much money, i’d invest in a lockable fridge and to stop buying him groceries or cooking for him. i know reddit likes to tell people to throw the whole man away but if he’s consistently disregarding your feelings and leaving you without the few foods you can eat. he’s not considerate of you whatsoever. i’d consider your relationship and see if there are any other red flags. best of luck.
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nta. you should split the grocery bill 50/50 and then we'll see if its not really a big deal.
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nta. invest in a lock box. they even make them for in the fridge.
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nta. he isn’t forgetting, he’s cheap and lazy. if he eats your snacks, he should replace them, not make up some stupid excuse to justify his behavior, which showcases his lack of respect.
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nta.
you need to have a serious conversation with him on why this is unacceptable behavior. you can only eat those specific, more expensive foods, while he can eat anything. it is basic respect to not eat those foods.
i have to buy special, more expensive foods because of allergies, intolerances and other annoying issues. my kids - who are under 10 so literal children - understand that they cannot eat mom’s food. even if they really want to. they never touch my food.
if a child can understand and respect that, i would expect a grown ass man to understand it too.
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nta.
>he said he forgot and that it wasn’t a big deal. i texted back telling him it was bullshit and that i’ve been “reminding” him for the last year and i can’t help if he’s too cheap to help buy groceries i can eat too when i buy them for him. he said i was being unreasonable and that it’s just food.
fuck this guy. in other words: stop fucking this guy. what a massively selfish dickbag. dtmfa.
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nta and a huge red flag.
*nobody* just "forgets" that someone they supposedly love has food issues -- allergies, texture/flavor issues, or just plain dislikes. (hell, i have a text file on my cell phone listing my family and friends' allergies and sensitivities, just to be on the safe side. i myself am mildly allergic to turmeric so i avoid it as much as possible, and other friends are allergic to garlic, sour cream, and seafood. *i keep track because i care.*)
i'm not going to say "throw out the whole man," but i sincerely urge you to reconsider this relationship. you have **every** right to be angry.
what he's doing is being super controlling and asserting his psychological *and* financial dominance over you: he's being a jerk toward you, blaming *you* for it, *and* forcing you to spend more on food *because he eats it all.*
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info: why are you with this asshole?
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nta - he's not forgetting, he's just a selfish ass.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i do not give permission for anyone to use my post. i’m on mobile, so sorry for formatting. i promise the title isn’t as bad at it sounds. i have several food allergies that i recently found about over the last two years. in that time period i’ve completely switched out my diet. i’ve been buying my separate groceries that are a lot more expensive than normal chips, bread, milk etc. i still buy all the normal groceries that he likes as he’s not a fan of “vegan” options. i cook everything for him too and with ingredients he likes, even if i can’t eat it. he constantly ends up demolishing my allergy free snacks within days of me purchasing them claiming they’ll go bad. i’ve asked him repeatedly not to and i just got home to find he’s used all of my creamer for my coffee. he buys doritos and ramen and foods i can’t eat and then eats my more expensive food. he always apologizes and says he “forgot” or that “ it was going to expire soon” when the expiration date isn’t for months. i got angry and texted him again asking gently why he kept eating my food instead and that i was disappointed. he said he forgot and that it wasn’t a big deal. i texted back telling him it was bullshit and that i’ve been “reminding” him for the last year and i can’t help if he’s too cheap to help buy groceries i can eat too when i buy them for him. he said i was being unreasonable and that it’s just food. (for context he is incredibly cheap and makes a lot more money than i do. which isn’t a big deal. i just think i’m justified in being angry)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i do not give permission for anyone to use my post. i’m on mobile, so sorry for formatting. i promise the title isn’t as bad at it sounds. i have several food allergies that i recently found about over the last two years. in that time period i’ve completely switched out my diet. i’ve been buying my separate groceries that are a lot more expensive than normal chips, bread, milk etc. i still buy all the normal groceries that he likes as he’s not a fan of “vegan” options. i cook everything for him too and with ingredients he likes, even if i can’t eat it. he constantly ends up demolishing my allergy free snacks within days of me purchasing them claiming they’ll go bad. i’ve asked him repeatedly not to and i just got home to find he’s used all of my creamer for my coffee. he buys doritos and ramen and foods i can’t eat and then eats my more expensive food. he always apologizes and says he “forgot” or that “ it was going to expire soon” when the expiration date isn’t for months. i got angry and texted him again asking gently why he kept eating my food instead and that i was disappointed. he said he forgot and that it wasn’t a big deal. i texted back telling him it was bullshit and that i’ve been “reminding” him for the last year and i can’t help if he’s too cheap to help buy groceries i can eat too when i buy them for him. he said i was being unreasonable and that it’s just food. (for context he is incredibly cheap and makes a lot more money than i do. which isn’t a big deal. i just think i’m justified in being angry) [/INST] nta- you have food allergies, he doesn’t. you need your food because it is all you can eat and he is just being a jerk and eating it, especially without asking. if it’s just food and not a big deal then he should just stop eating it. it doesn’t sound to me like he has your health and well being in mind. </s>
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AITA For expecting family to ask me for loans and not just expect it?
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i come from a large family. everyone is going through a tough time right now. in particular my baby sister (29) who has had her hours drastically cut. she was expecting an unemployment check today but didn’t receive it and is too stressed to call to find out why. i get it, anxiety sucks. she says she’s ok for now but one of my other sisters started a group to try to raise money for her. i said i’ll give her money if she asks for it.
the shit hit the fan. how dare i force her to ask, i know how proud she is! i do know, i’ve offered her desperately needed money before and she’s refused. so have other family members, pride runs strong in the family. i don’t feel like doing it again. she (any of them) can ask me for money or just not get money from me.
my husband agrees with me. my entire family is calling me a bitch and kicked me out of the texting group.
aita here?
eta i think i wasn’t clear enough. the sister who is leading the charge against me offered my underemployed sister money but she said “no” she didn’t need anything right now. which is why i’m saying “if you need something, just ask. let me know and i’ll help.
i said “loans” but i never ask my family to pay me back and i make that clear to them. i call it a loan so they can feel better about it. that pride thing again.
| 1,034 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g2icdl/aita_for_expecting_family_to_ask_me_for_loans_and/
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2020-04-16 16:35:43
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nta, like you said, she’s already refused profusely before, so if she’s really desperate and has no other options she’ll come to her family. i honestly think it’ll hurt her pride more if you all were to actively raise money and then give it to her. she’s an adult, and she can figure it out without her family holding her hand financially
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nta. you aren’t a psychic bank teller. if your sister wants to borrow money, she needs to ask.
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nta. if you are so proud you can't ask for help then you shouldn't expect help imo.
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if you're proud wouldn't getting a pity handout be worse than asking? nta
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nta, your family is. it's fine for you to offer your sister money, and it's fine for her to refuse it. it's also fine for you to try and give her money anyway, but you don't have to. that last bit is what the rest of your family doesn't understand.
just so you can see where the line is: if you and your sister have a good relationship and you had reason to believe that she was about to be homeless (or a similar disaster), and you didn't want to help her out, then i would call you an asshole. but she said she's fine for now.
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> my entire family [...] kicked me out of the texting group
looks like a problem solved.
nta.
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are you supposed to go around and offer loans in some secret regular schedule, on the off-chance it’ll be accepted? nta
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nta. as you said, everyone's going through a hard time now. so why give money away you may need for your family in the future, if you don't know if it'll actually be appreciated or accepted
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nta
it could help to read the article below that discusses “askers” and “guessers”. it could be that your family are predominately “guessers” so the idea of asking for something could be seen as rude and uncouth.
regardless of whether they are askers or guessers, kicking you out of the family chat is highly uncalled for. i’m sorry you’re going through this.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-life-asker-guesser
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i come from a large family. everyone is going through a tough time right now. in particular my baby sister (29) who has had her hours drastically cut. she was expecting an unemployment check today but didn’t receive it and is too stressed to call to find out why. i get it, anxiety sucks. she says she’s ok for now but one of my other sisters started a group to try to raise money for her. i said i’ll give her money if she asks for it. the shit hit the fan. how dare i force her to ask, i know how proud she is! i do know, i’ve offered her desperately needed money before and she’s refused. so have other family members, pride runs strong in the family. i don’t feel like doing it again. she (any of them) can ask me for money or just not get money from me. my husband agrees with me. my entire family is calling me a bitch and kicked me out of the texting group. aita here? eta i think i wasn’t clear enough. the sister who is leading the charge against me offered my underemployed sister money but she said “no” she didn’t need anything right now. which is why i’m saying “if you need something, just ask. let me know and i’ll help. i said “loans” but i never ask my family to pay me back and i make that clear to them. i call it a loan so they can feel better about it. that pride thing again.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i come from a large family. everyone is going through a tough time right now. in particular my baby sister (29) who has had her hours drastically cut. she was expecting an unemployment check today but didn’t receive it and is too stressed to call to find out why. i get it, anxiety sucks. she says she’s ok for now but one of my other sisters started a group to try to raise money for her. i said i’ll give her money if she asks for it. the shit hit the fan. how dare i force her to ask, i know how proud she is! i do know, i’ve offered her desperately needed money before and she’s refused. so have other family members, pride runs strong in the family. i don’t feel like doing it again. she (any of them) can ask me for money or just not get money from me. my husband agrees with me. my entire family is calling me a bitch and kicked me out of the texting group. aita here? eta i think i wasn’t clear enough. the sister who is leading the charge against me offered my underemployed sister money but she said “no” she didn’t need anything right now. which is why i’m saying “if you need something, just ask. let me know and i’ll help. i said “loans” but i never ask my family to pay me back and i make that clear to them. i call it a loan so they can feel better about it. that pride thing again. [/INST] nta, like you said, she’s already refused profusely before, so if she’s really desperate and has no other options she’ll come to her family. i honestly think it’ll hurt her pride more if you all were to actively raise money and then give it to her. she’s an adult, and she can figure it out without her family holding her hand financially </s>
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AITA for yelling at my neighbor over a gift they gave me?
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i (34m) have been living alone for a while now, and my neighbor gave me a potted plant to put on my porch a week ago. they've given me other plants in the past too, which i've put in my backyard. this will be important later.
my neighbor stopped by a few days ago, and saw the plant. however, i had forgotten to water it, so they commented that the plant looked pretty thirsty. i said sorry and that i would remember to water it, but i kind of slipped my mind.
the next day i remembered to water it, but when i checked on it i saw that the dirt was already moist. i didn't know why this was, so i just assumed it was some dew that dripped down from the leaves, kind of like what a cactus does. i know it was a bit of a stretch, but i didn't really know what else to think. i watered it just to be safe and went about the rest of my day.
however, the next day i woke up early to find my neighbor on my porch, watering the plant for me. i was very confused, so i asked them what they were doing on my porch, and they responded that since i wasn't watering my plant, they were doing it for me. i was bewildered, but didn't want to make a huge deal of it, so i told them to stop and left it at that.
however, the next day i caught them at my porch again watering my plant. at this point i was tired of it so i raised my voice and told them that they seriously needed to stop watering the plant without my permission. then they let it slip that they've also been going into my backyard to water the plants there too.
i was so pissed that i told them if they kept watering my plants without permission, i would have to take action. instead of leaving my property, however, they threw a fit telling me that they were the one who gave me the plants so they should have the right to water them. i yelled back at them that if they didn't leave, i would call the cops, so they begrudgingly left.
however, all my other friends in the neighborhood caught wind of the situation and have been blowing up my phone telling me what an ah i am, so i need to know, aita?
| 377 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mhpoe2/aita_for_yelling_at_my_neighbor_over_a_gift_they/
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2021-04-01 06:58:35
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nta, their behavior is very inappropriate, considering they were trespassing your property without your permission. the fact that they yelled at you instead of apologizing (!) and still feel entitled to come on your property demonstrates you were right to threaten to involve the authorities. invest in a ring doorbell camera to catch them next time, because there very likely will be a next time.
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nta honesty i would’ve pulled an asshole move and just given the plant back to them. probably saying something along the lines of “if they care about it so much they should take it back”.
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nta - this is just creepy. if they'd given you a dog would it be ok to break into your house to feed and play with it? no!!
once a gift is given, it's no longer their responsibility. you didn't ask for the plants or the responsibility that comes with them.
once everyone calms down, try talking to them about boundaries. them coming into your property and taking care of your plants makes you uncomfortable.
also point out that because of their interference, you could have damaged the plants due to over watering. just because they don't see you do it doesn't mean you don't do it.
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nta. they have no right to traipse all over your property without your permission, even if they gave you plants.
personally i would give them back the plants so they would hopefully leave me alone but you are under absolutely no obligation to do so.
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i think nta. if she wanted to water the plants herself, why’d you she gift them to you?
plus her going around sneaking around your porch and backyard, that’s weird and fucked up.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (34m) have been living alone for a while now, and my neighbor gave me a potted plant to put on my porch a week ago. they've given me other plants in the past too, which i've put in my backyard. this will be important later. my neighbor stopped by a few days ago, and saw the plant. however, i had forgotten to water it, so they commented that the plant looked pretty thirsty. i said sorry and that i would remember to water it, but i kind of slipped my mind. the next day i remembered to water it, but when i checked on it i saw that the dirt was already moist. i didn't know why this was, so i just assumed it was some dew that dripped down from the leaves, kind of like what a cactus does. i know it was a bit of a stretch, but i didn't really know what else to think. i watered it just to be safe and went about the rest of my day. however, the next day i woke up early to find my neighbor on my porch, watering the plant for me. i was very confused, so i asked them what they were doing on my porch, and they responded that since i wasn't watering my plant, they were doing it for me. i was bewildered, but didn't want to make a huge deal of it, so i told them to stop and left it at that. however, the next day i caught them at my porch again watering my plant. at this point i was tired of it so i raised my voice and told them that they seriously needed to stop watering the plant without my permission. then they let it slip that they've also been going into my backyard to water the plants there too. i was so pissed that i told them if they kept watering my plants without permission, i would have to take action. instead of leaving my property, however, they threw a fit telling me that they were the one who gave me the plants so they should have the right to water them. i yelled back at them that if they didn't leave, i would call the cops, so they begrudgingly left. however, all my other friends in the neighborhood caught wind of the situation and have been blowing up my phone telling me what an ah i am, so i need to know, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (34m) have been living alone for a while now, and my neighbor gave me a potted plant to put on my porch a week ago. they've given me other plants in the past too, which i've put in my backyard. this will be important later. my neighbor stopped by a few days ago, and saw the plant. however, i had forgotten to water it, so they commented that the plant looked pretty thirsty. i said sorry and that i would remember to water it, but i kind of slipped my mind. the next day i remembered to water it, but when i checked on it i saw that the dirt was already moist. i didn't know why this was, so i just assumed it was some dew that dripped down from the leaves, kind of like what a cactus does. i know it was a bit of a stretch, but i didn't really know what else to think. i watered it just to be safe and went about the rest of my day. however, the next day i woke up early to find my neighbor on my porch, watering the plant for me. i was very confused, so i asked them what they were doing on my porch, and they responded that since i wasn't watering my plant, they were doing it for me. i was bewildered, but didn't want to make a huge deal of it, so i told them to stop and left it at that. however, the next day i caught them at my porch again watering my plant. at this point i was tired of it so i raised my voice and told them that they seriously needed to stop watering the plant without my permission. then they let it slip that they've also been going into my backyard to water the plants there too. i was so pissed that i told them if they kept watering my plants without permission, i would have to take action. instead of leaving my property, however, they threw a fit telling me that they were the one who gave me the plants so they should have the right to water them. i yelled back at them that if they didn't leave, i would call the cops, so they begrudgingly left. however, all my other friends in the neighborhood caught wind of the situation and have been blowing up my phone telling me what an ah i am, so i need to know, aita? [/INST] nta, their behavior is very inappropriate, considering they were trespassing your property without your permission. the fact that they yelled at you instead of apologizing (!) and still feel entitled to come on your property demonstrates you were right to threaten to involve the authorities. invest in a ring doorbell camera to catch them next time, because there very likely will be a next time. </s>
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AITA for wanting to rest after giving birth?
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i am 7 months pregnant with my partner. he lives 3 hours away and does not contribute financially to my home. i pay for our blended family vacations and some extras for his two children (13 & 11 yo with his ex wife). he supports his home in another city. i also support my daughter (9 yo with my ex). i am paying for my maternity leave on my own (thanks us policy 🤨). it will likely be only 4-6 weeks long.
he does some chores when he’s at my house and has helped with a few home projects here over the years. i have a guest room for his children and an office/workout space that is just his when he is here. i don’t have any space for myself at his house.
my daughter (9 yo) will be in day camp all summer as she always is while i recover from my c-section.
i asked that his kids be in day camp while they are at my house this summer or he takes those days off from work to take care of them.
he does work from home, but i often cook and clean and take his children places while he’s working. they also have a large dog who hasn’t learned not to jump yet. i simply can’t manage recovery from birth and his children + dog while he works in another room.
he isn’t offering to help pay any utilities or hire help for me during my maternity leave.
i told him that if he can’t be off or put them in day camp he and his children may not stay here during my recovery from birth.
he says he can work from home and manage his children/dog at the same time. he’s tried this before and it just leads to him ignoring the kids until after work, leaving me to feed/entertain/and cleanup after them for 8 hours.
he thinks i am being unreasonable (“controlling” “dramatic”) asking for camp or for him to be off on the days his children are here. he claims i am trying to keep him and his kids from the new baby.
i’m worried that i won’t rest or recover properly before i go back to my demanding job in healthcare if i don’t set limits in my home.
am i the asshole?
| 1,435 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sslybu/aita_for_wanting_to_rest_after_giving_birth/
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2022-02-14 21:30:48
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nta and....why are you with this man? he sounds thoroughly unpleasant. with you stuck doing (and paying) for everything and him taking no accountability. end things with him, tell him he'll have to look after his own kids for a change.
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nta and frankly, he doesn’t sound like much of a partner to me. sounds like he wants you to do all of the work while he does as little as possible. why are you having a baby with this man, exactly??
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nta but this man is not your partner. he’s someone you sleep with and do a lot of chores for including but not limited to raising his kids when they’re around who won’t even help after you do a massive task of giving birth. this won’t change and i can’t see why you’d want this.
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oh, honey...nta
you're growing a human. you expect the father to give you basic courtesy. if you lower the bar for him, you're gonna need a shovel. you shouldn't dig after surgery.
also, most states pay disability for 12 weeks after a c-section. check it out.
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nta.
jfc - why are you putting up with a man who treats you so badly? you’re nothing more than a maid and nanny to this man.
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nta.
honestly, based on reading above, i do not understand why you call this person a "partner". i don't see the partnership.
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nta. except you are the ah… to yourself.
look, you have enabled a grown man in being irresponsible and selfish. you contributed to (created?) a situation in which you are the breadwinner and he is the “kept man”.
you have role reversal - compared to the “traditional” set up.
you subsidize his expenses. you watch his kids. you watch your kids. you have a room for his family but he has no room for you….
so, be the dominant. do what you want and need for yourself so you can continue to be a good mother and provide for yourself.
you cannot wait for him to realize this. he either was never the kind of man to realize this or he no longer is because he’s now used to being a passive leech.
also he is gaslighting you.
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nta - you already know his plan won't work. don't let him bully/gaslight you into giving in. he appears to be the one who is "dramatic".
you will be exhausted after giving birth, more so because your partner has proven to be not much of one. no, you are nta for wanting to rest after giving birth. for your sake, set firm boundaries and stick to them.
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info: why are you dating him? because it seems like all you're getting out of this is stress and debt.
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nta. what? this guy sounds like a serious scrub. please take care of yourself op!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 7 months pregnant with my partner. he lives 3 hours away and does not contribute financially to my home. i pay for our blended family vacations and some extras for his two children (13 & 11 yo with his ex wife). he supports his home in another city. i also support my daughter (9 yo with my ex). i am paying for my maternity leave on my own (thanks us policy 🤨). it will likely be only 4-6 weeks long. he does some chores when he’s at my house and has helped with a few home projects here over the years. i have a guest room for his children and an office/workout space that is just his when he is here. i don’t have any space for myself at his house. my daughter (9 yo) will be in day camp all summer as she always is while i recover from my c-section. i asked that his kids be in day camp while they are at my house this summer or he takes those days off from work to take care of them. he does work from home, but i often cook and clean and take his children places while he’s working. they also have a large dog who hasn’t learned not to jump yet. i simply can’t manage recovery from birth and his children + dog while he works in another room. he isn’t offering to help pay any utilities or hire help for me during my maternity leave. i told him that if he can’t be off or put them in day camp he and his children may not stay here during my recovery from birth. he says he can work from home and manage his children/dog at the same time. he’s tried this before and it just leads to him ignoring the kids until after work, leaving me to feed/entertain/and cleanup after them for 8 hours. he thinks i am being unreasonable (“controlling” “dramatic”) asking for camp or for him to be off on the days his children are here. he claims i am trying to keep him and his kids from the new baby. i’m worried that i won’t rest or recover properly before i go back to my demanding job in healthcare if i don’t set limits in my home. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am 7 months pregnant with my partner. he lives 3 hours away and does not contribute financially to my home. i pay for our blended family vacations and some extras for his two children (13 & 11 yo with his ex wife). he supports his home in another city. i also support my daughter (9 yo with my ex). i am paying for my maternity leave on my own (thanks us policy 🤨). it will likely be only 4-6 weeks long. he does some chores when he’s at my house and has helped with a few home projects here over the years. i have a guest room for his children and an office/workout space that is just his when he is here. i don’t have any space for myself at his house. my daughter (9 yo) will be in day camp all summer as she always is while i recover from my c-section. i asked that his kids be in day camp while they are at my house this summer or he takes those days off from work to take care of them. he does work from home, but i often cook and clean and take his children places while he’s working. they also have a large dog who hasn’t learned not to jump yet. i simply can’t manage recovery from birth and his children + dog while he works in another room. he isn’t offering to help pay any utilities or hire help for me during my maternity leave. i told him that if he can’t be off or put them in day camp he and his children may not stay here during my recovery from birth. he says he can work from home and manage his children/dog at the same time. he’s tried this before and it just leads to him ignoring the kids until after work, leaving me to feed/entertain/and cleanup after them for 8 hours. he thinks i am being unreasonable (“controlling” “dramatic”) asking for camp or for him to be off on the days his children are here. he claims i am trying to keep him and his kids from the new baby. i’m worried that i won’t rest or recover properly before i go back to my demanding job in healthcare if i don’t set limits in my home. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta and....why are you with this man? he sounds thoroughly unpleasant. with you stuck doing (and paying) for everything and him taking no accountability. end things with him, tell him he'll have to look after his own kids for a change. </s>
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AITA for arguing with my gf over ‚free money‘
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tl; dr at the bottom
a week ago i won 2 vip tickets for a big sports event and decided to take my girlfriend to the event, she doesn‘t like the sport but i thought it‘d be a really nice experience since those tickets included all you can drink + eat in a really fancy environment.
when i received the tickets i realized that those tickets weren‘t vip tickets but ‚only‘ premium ones.
at first i didn‘t know if i should contact the operator of the raffle but my girlfriend told me i should at least try so i did.
luckily they apologized for sending the wrong tickets and send me the vip ones, they told me i can do whatever i want with the tickets i already got.
those tickets were already sold out so i decided to sell them for basically half the original price since i thought someone’d surely be happy.
given that i was the one who won the tickets i thought it‘d be obvious that i keep the money from the sold tickets.
she wasn‘t happy about my decision to keep the money from the 2 sold tickets because ‚one ticket was hers‘ and she wants the money from ‚her‘ ticket.
i told her that i‘m already taking her to the vip area for free and that i‘ll pay for the transportation cost so basically she has a 300€+ experience for free.
after arguing a bit she called me an asshole because i don‘t see why she should get the money, not that i won‘t give it to her, i just don‘t see why she should be getting the money.
tl;dr: i won vip tickets for a sports event, they sent me the wrong ones and after calling them they send me the vip tickets.
after selling the ‚wrong‘ tickets my girlfriend, with which i wanted to go to the event, demands me to give her half the money since
‚on of the tickets is hers‘.
edit 1: sorry for not making it clear from the beginning.
her argument is that since she told me to contact the operator of the raffle i owe her one of the premium tickets because i wouldn‘t even have the vip tickets without her.
edit 2 (for context): we‘re in a relationship for 2 years now and she never even showed a sign of beeing a ‚gold digger‘ so i guess i‘ll just keep an extra eye on that.
| 525 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cixjdk/aita_for_arguing_with_my_gf_over_free_money/
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2019-07-28 15:59:43
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nta - not in the slightest! frankly this seems like an orange flag (not as bad as red) the tickets were yours, not hers she was merely an invited guest.
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nta. it’s not *her* ticket, they’re *your* tickets and you invited her.
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nta. and you should sell her vip ticket too and go have fun without her. surely she doesn’t want to go with an asshole
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nta. this is treachery on her part. this is known as a warning shot, young man. i don't know what the rest of your relationship is like but if this kind of thing is common then think very hard before taking any further relationship steps.
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nta
your gf is being absurd. she has zero claim to the tickets. the company even told you they were yours and to do whatever you want with them.
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nta
just because you are taking her, doesn't mean it's her ticket. you won it. it's your ticket. she is just being greedy imo.
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nta
she is being greedy - you won the tickets and they were yours! you could have taken anyone and you chose to take her the only ticket she is entitled to is the one she uses to gain access.
the promoters were nice to let you keep the "wrong" tickets, but one of those was never hers to get the cash - keep all the cash yourself, and dont spend the money on little miss grabby
by the way - the way she reacted is a huge red flag for your relationship
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nta - that’s your prize and you can do what you want with them. you’re taking her as a guest. as far as i’m concerned, she’s not entitled to anything here. she’s being greedy.
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nta she is an entitled brat. you're taking her somewhere completely at your cost and she complains about not being paid to do it?
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nta indeed, and wow - your girlfriend needs an attitude adjustment. very selfish, and self absorbed.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tl; dr at the bottom a week ago i won 2 vip tickets for a big sports event and decided to take my girlfriend to the event, she doesn‘t like the sport but i thought it‘d be a really nice experience since those tickets included all you can drink + eat in a really fancy environment. when i received the tickets i realized that those tickets weren‘t vip tickets but ‚only‘ premium ones. at first i didn‘t know if i should contact the operator of the raffle but my girlfriend told me i should at least try so i did. luckily they apologized for sending the wrong tickets and send me the vip ones, they told me i can do whatever i want with the tickets i already got. those tickets were already sold out so i decided to sell them for basically half the original price since i thought someone’d surely be happy. given that i was the one who won the tickets i thought it‘d be obvious that i keep the money from the sold tickets. she wasn‘t happy about my decision to keep the money from the 2 sold tickets because ‚one ticket was hers‘ and she wants the money from ‚her‘ ticket. i told her that i‘m already taking her to the vip area for free and that i‘ll pay for the transportation cost so basically she has a 300€+ experience for free. after arguing a bit she called me an asshole because i don‘t see why she should get the money, not that i won‘t give it to her, i just don‘t see why she should be getting the money. tl;dr: i won vip tickets for a sports event, they sent me the wrong ones and after calling them they send me the vip tickets. after selling the ‚wrong‘ tickets my girlfriend, with which i wanted to go to the event, demands me to give her half the money since ‚on of the tickets is hers‘. edit 1: sorry for not making it clear from the beginning. her argument is that since she told me to contact the operator of the raffle i owe her one of the premium tickets because i wouldn‘t even have the vip tickets without her. edit 2 (for context): we‘re in a relationship for 2 years now and she never even showed a sign of beeing a ‚gold digger‘ so i guess i‘ll just keep an extra eye on that.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tl; dr at the bottom a week ago i won 2 vip tickets for a big sports event and decided to take my girlfriend to the event, she doesn‘t like the sport but i thought it‘d be a really nice experience since those tickets included all you can drink + eat in a really fancy environment. when i received the tickets i realized that those tickets weren‘t vip tickets but ‚only‘ premium ones. at first i didn‘t know if i should contact the operator of the raffle but my girlfriend told me i should at least try so i did. luckily they apologized for sending the wrong tickets and send me the vip ones, they told me i can do whatever i want with the tickets i already got. those tickets were already sold out so i decided to sell them for basically half the original price since i thought someone’d surely be happy. given that i was the one who won the tickets i thought it‘d be obvious that i keep the money from the sold tickets. she wasn‘t happy about my decision to keep the money from the 2 sold tickets because ‚one ticket was hers‘ and she wants the money from ‚her‘ ticket. i told her that i‘m already taking her to the vip area for free and that i‘ll pay for the transportation cost so basically she has a 300€+ experience for free. after arguing a bit she called me an asshole because i don‘t see why she should get the money, not that i won‘t give it to her, i just don‘t see why she should be getting the money. tl;dr: i won vip tickets for a sports event, they sent me the wrong ones and after calling them they send me the vip tickets. after selling the ‚wrong‘ tickets my girlfriend, with which i wanted to go to the event, demands me to give her half the money since ‚on of the tickets is hers‘. edit 1: sorry for not making it clear from the beginning. her argument is that since she told me to contact the operator of the raffle i owe her one of the premium tickets because i wouldn‘t even have the vip tickets without her. edit 2 (for context): we‘re in a relationship for 2 years now and she never even showed a sign of beeing a ‚gold digger‘ so i guess i‘ll just keep an extra eye on that. [/INST] nta - not in the slightest! frankly this seems like an orange flag (not as bad as red) the tickets were yours, not hers she was merely an invited guest. </s>
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AITA for asking why my mother opened my mail
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so the mail came in today, at that time i (18m) wasn't home but my mother was. when i came home i saw a letter written specifically for me. but the thing was already opened. nobody else (except for my cat) was home at the time.
so i went to my mother and asked about it. well she went nuts and started yelling about how paranoid i was and why i was behaving so weird and she continued like that for a while. and later started talking to me again to tell me how dumb and useless i was, and how i affect her life and all that.
&#x200b;
her reaction made me wonder,
was i the asshole.
| 410 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xy38xj/aita_for_asking_why_my_mother_opened_my_mail/
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2022-10-07 16:16:12
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nta at all and it's actually a federal offence in the us. please consider moving out when possible. a really "useless" son would report it and have her arrested.
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nope nta. besides the fact you're an adult, it's illegal. her reaction kind of says everything.
if you can't move out, consider renting a po box and having your mail forwarded there.
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nta
you're a legal adult, no one can open your mail without your permission (you could receive sensitive information).
besides, your mother's reaction was exaggerated and bizarre. she exploded and then proceeded to guilt-trip you about your life, when you've only asked her a question. not a good sign.
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[removed]
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nta- there are like three options: your mom accidentally opened the letter, she purposely opened the letter, or someone else opened the letter. the first option is the least worrisome and seemingly the least likely. the other two options are concerning to your privacy and of course you would want to know whether your mother was involved. her reaction sounds like she did it on purpose and is well aware how wrong it was.
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it’s illegal to open someone’s mail. you did nothing wrong. nta
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nta, her over reaction says it all. your legally an adult and she has no right to open your mail.
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nta.
but you might want to pull your credit history and see if she's been using your name for anything.
a buddy of mine found out when he was 24 that his mother had been using his ssn for various other purposes for over a decade.
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nta. it is illegal to open someone else’s mail. your mom is reacting this way because she doesn’t want you questioning why she’s snooping. she knows she’s wrong.
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nta for asking..
to be honest i was horrified not so long ago. i had a load of packages. and by mistake i opened one that was wrongly given to me, and was meant to be for my neighbours.
i just went to them, told them it was between my packages and i didn't intend to open it. it was all a mistake... etc etc etc.
i know i didn't do it on purpose, i dont think the delivery person did this on purpose.. but it happened. thank god it was just some shampoo and not something more private, but still...
nta for asking, this is private. and she knows it! if it happened by accident, she could just have said, sorry i opened it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so the mail came in today, at that time i (18m) wasn't home but my mother was. when i came home i saw a letter written specifically for me. but the thing was already opened. nobody else (except for my cat) was home at the time. so i went to my mother and asked about it. well she went nuts and started yelling about how paranoid i was and why i was behaving so weird and she continued like that for a while. and later started talking to me again to tell me how dumb and useless i was, and how i affect her life and all that. &#x200b; her reaction made me wonder, was i the asshole.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so the mail came in today, at that time i (18m) wasn't home but my mother was. when i came home i saw a letter written specifically for me. but the thing was already opened. nobody else (except for my cat) was home at the time. so i went to my mother and asked about it. well she went nuts and started yelling about how paranoid i was and why i was behaving so weird and she continued like that for a while. and later started talking to me again to tell me how dumb and useless i was, and how i affect her life and all that. &#x200b; her reaction made me wonder, was i the asshole. [/INST] nta at all and it's actually a federal offence in the us. please consider moving out when possible. a really "useless" son would report it and have her arrested. </s>
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AITA for removing a classmate from our final project of the semester last day?
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for the past three months, i've been assigned a short and quite simple project that counts half the grade of my sociology course. at first, i was quite worried because one of my teammates was known for leaving everything last day. anyway, i told them i liked doing everything as early as possible, but i know i am known on class for making people feel pressured because of that. i wanted to keep it cool, and said we could start the last month to take it seriously.
&#x200b;
last month came in, i told them we could meet up, do it together, do it separately, etc. we decided to do it on our own. i was worried, so i decided to do the biggest part, let the second biggest part to another colleage, and left the subjective piece of around 1000 words to the problematic classmate, a girl.
&#x200b;
so, last week before the due date comes, we have a massive break of five days out of class, the next monday being the due date. i have my part ready and written since two weeks ago, the second part is given to me on thursday, and i sent an email immediately to problematic classmate about needing her part for sunday, as i wanted to review it before then and put everything together.
&#x200b;
she answers to my last email on saturday morning, apparently, she has been working all day and she can't do it until the due date, on monday. she tells me if there is any problem with this she can do it sunday night rushing it. i reply literally fifteen minutes after ¨i need the part on sunday as we agreed on, if you have any problem, i'll help you.¨ i wanted it for sunday to be able to review before it was too late and because i have my driving test tuesday (tomorrow) and wanted to study for it instead of working on this.
&#x200b;
sunday comes. no reply. monday comes. she doesn't come to class. i write her an email first period telling her:¨after class ends we will send our work, we need your part before then¨. she didn't reply to my email, but apparently, she called my classmate between classes saying she had been barfing all morning and was sick.
&#x200b;
we told the teacher and agreed to remove her from the work. i came home and wrote her part hastily in 2 hours. she called me right after, she begged me to put her in the work again and that she could write her part now before the due time at midnight, i told her i already did it and the convo went back and forth for what felt like hours.
&#x200b;
later, she called me again crying telling me she had the shittiest week and she begged me to get into the work. after denying it again she started shouting at me and saying it was all my fault and i was a cunt, i even told her i did my part over spring break when i was going in and out of the emergency room because of a virus, but she told me it doesn't compare to what she has gone through these past two days.
&#x200b;
aita? and even if i am the asshole, i really need some advice on how to solve or cope with the situation, i feel really shitty
| 716 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/blf9b6/aita_for_removing_a_classmate_from_our_final/
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2019-05-06 17:46:14
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nta.
you gave her every opportunity to work.
she did literally nothing between the time it was assigned and the time it was due.
not removing her would be an insult to everyone that worked hard.
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nta.
she knew the deadline. she knew it was group work. she should have been more organised. she seems like she was banking on you guys picking up her part and putting her name on it. it’s a valuable life lesson for her.
side note, i was the asshole who left group work to the last minute and didn’t pull my weight. one day i ended up in shit cos someone finally stood their ground. was i mad? hell yes! do i take responsibility for my shit myself now and work well in a team? sure do! you’re doing them a life long favour, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now.
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nta. she really should have done the work
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nta. she is almost definitely trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for her and giving her a break. if you have her notice that you would take her name off of the project then that’s fine. if you didn’t tell her that would be a different story. you might be someone who gets things done ahead of time but as a college student that is motivated by impending deadlines, i do my best work the day before a project is due. if she is the same way, and you just took her off without any warning, then you would be ta
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nta. this is why i hate group projects. if the professor doesn't implement some kind of accountability system that is considered when allotting grades (such as teammates reporting how much each teammate contributed), there is always at least one free loader who benefits from your hard work. they know you want an a so badly that you'll do more than your share to make sure the group gets there. classic prisoner's dilemma.
she made her bed, she can lie in it.
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nta. hopefully this experience taught her about procrastination, doing the task assigned to you, and what you can lose out on because shit happens at the last minute. i'm even giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming that she was actually sick, which could have been a lie.
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nta.
i was a massive procrastinator in high school and college. i would pretty much always wait until the last weekend (if not day) to do **solo** assignments.
group work though? fuuuuuuck that, that shit affects other people. i would almost always be the first person to finish my part of a group project. about a quarter of the time, i'd then have to do someone else's part.
if you wait until the last day, then shit happens and you can't do it, **you fucking own that**. don't cry like a spoiled child, and ask like it couldn't possibly be avoided.
people that wait until the last minute to do their part in a group assignment should automatically fail the class if they don't come through on their part. if they want to act like children, they clearly have no place in college.
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nta. she had a ton of time to write 1000 words.
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info nta you gave her plenty of time to submit her part and the failed to do so. were these assigned groups or did you get to pick to work with her? because if you chose to work with her knowing her work history and then cut her out then yta.
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nta 1 bad week but she had 3 months to do it
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for the past three months, i've been assigned a short and quite simple project that counts half the grade of my sociology course. at first, i was quite worried because one of my teammates was known for leaving everything last day. anyway, i told them i liked doing everything as early as possible, but i know i am known on class for making people feel pressured because of that. i wanted to keep it cool, and said we could start the last month to take it seriously. &#x200b; last month came in, i told them we could meet up, do it together, do it separately, etc. we decided to do it on our own. i was worried, so i decided to do the biggest part, let the second biggest part to another colleage, and left the subjective piece of around 1000 words to the problematic classmate, a girl. &#x200b; so, last week before the due date comes, we have a massive break of five days out of class, the next monday being the due date. i have my part ready and written since two weeks ago, the second part is given to me on thursday, and i sent an email immediately to problematic classmate about needing her part for sunday, as i wanted to review it before then and put everything together. &#x200b; she answers to my last email on saturday morning, apparently, she has been working all day and she can't do it until the due date, on monday. she tells me if there is any problem with this she can do it sunday night rushing it. i reply literally fifteen minutes after ¨i need the part on sunday as we agreed on, if you have any problem, i'll help you.¨ i wanted it for sunday to be able to review before it was too late and because i have my driving test tuesday (tomorrow) and wanted to study for it instead of working on this. &#x200b; sunday comes. no reply. monday comes. she doesn't come to class. i write her an email first period telling her:¨after class ends we will send our work, we need your part before then¨. she didn't reply to my email, but apparently, she called my classmate between classes saying she had been barfing all morning and was sick. &#x200b; we told the teacher and agreed to remove her from the work. i came home and wrote her part hastily in 2 hours. she called me right after, she begged me to put her in the work again and that she could write her part now before the due time at midnight, i told her i already did it and the convo went back and forth for what felt like hours. &#x200b; later, she called me again crying telling me she had the shittiest week and she begged me to get into the work. after denying it again she started shouting at me and saying it was all my fault and i was a cunt, i even told her i did my part over spring break when i was going in and out of the emergency room because of a virus, but she told me it doesn't compare to what she has gone through these past two days. &#x200b; aita? and even if i am the asshole, i really need some advice on how to solve or cope with the situation, i feel really shitty
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for the past three months, i've been assigned a short and quite simple project that counts half the grade of my sociology course. at first, i was quite worried because one of my teammates was known for leaving everything last day. anyway, i told them i liked doing everything as early as possible, but i know i am known on class for making people feel pressured because of that. i wanted to keep it cool, and said we could start the last month to take it seriously. &#x200b; last month came in, i told them we could meet up, do it together, do it separately, etc. we decided to do it on our own. i was worried, so i decided to do the biggest part, let the second biggest part to another colleage, and left the subjective piece of around 1000 words to the problematic classmate, a girl. &#x200b; so, last week before the due date comes, we have a massive break of five days out of class, the next monday being the due date. i have my part ready and written since two weeks ago, the second part is given to me on thursday, and i sent an email immediately to problematic classmate about needing her part for sunday, as i wanted to review it before then and put everything together. &#x200b; she answers to my last email on saturday morning, apparently, she has been working all day and she can't do it until the due date, on monday. she tells me if there is any problem with this she can do it sunday night rushing it. i reply literally fifteen minutes after ¨i need the part on sunday as we agreed on, if you have any problem, i'll help you.¨ i wanted it for sunday to be able to review before it was too late and because i have my driving test tuesday (tomorrow) and wanted to study for it instead of working on this. &#x200b; sunday comes. no reply. monday comes. she doesn't come to class. i write her an email first period telling her:¨after class ends we will send our work, we need your part before then¨. she didn't reply to my email, but apparently, she called my classmate between classes saying she had been barfing all morning and was sick. &#x200b; we told the teacher and agreed to remove her from the work. i came home and wrote her part hastily in 2 hours. she called me right after, she begged me to put her in the work again and that she could write her part now before the due time at midnight, i told her i already did it and the convo went back and forth for what felt like hours. &#x200b; later, she called me again crying telling me she had the shittiest week and she begged me to get into the work. after denying it again she started shouting at me and saying it was all my fault and i was a cunt, i even told her i did my part over spring break when i was going in and out of the emergency room because of a virus, but she told me it doesn't compare to what she has gone through these past two days. &#x200b; aita? and even if i am the asshole, i really need some advice on how to solve or cope with the situation, i feel really shitty [/INST] nta. you gave her every opportunity to work. she did literally nothing between the time it was assigned and the time it was due. not removing her would be an insult to everyone that worked hard. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother and SIL “you got your big day now you have deal with the consequences”
|
my (29f) brother (31m) and his wife (34f) got married two months ago, they had a destination wedding
unfortunately none of our side expect a cousin could attend due to multiple valid reasons which i list a short few
- grandparents (95f,98f,89m) = too old
- our parents= mom has breast cancer and my dad takes full care of her
- me and our youngest brothers gf = heavily pregnant/newborn
- our older brother and aunt = busy doctors who have to be extra careful
everyone else ether couldn’t afford it or couldn’t afford to take two weeks off.
we tried to explain to them the situation months before the wedding but where hit with “our wedding,our rules. don’t like it don’t come”
we asked to be able to help in anyway we could but a few weeks before the wedding their attitudes changed we where told they’d prefer to go low contact because we weren’t coming to the wedding ,which meant we didn’t support their marriage. i even begged to pay for the bridesmaids dresses but my brother told me he didn’t want my money he wanted me at his day i tried to explain to him,his wedding was 4 days before my due date. he ended up screaming at me calling me a spoiled entitled brat than blocking me.
they did similar stuff with everyone else, they even went as far getting my extremely sick mother upset to the point my father stopped talking to my brother.
so onto the situation after months of passive aggressive posts on social media and bride/groomzila tantrums they wanted to make up with everyone due to my mother finding out extremely heartbreaking news (6 months left)
we all ended up having dinner at my family home tonight with everyone being extremely cold to my bother and his wife. no one really cared to listen to about their wedding nor looked at their photos
my brother ended up getting us(siblings) alone to ask us why we where being dicks. my youngest brother told him tonight wasn’t the time than walked out, oldest said when mom died he would never speak to him again but due to the fact i’m his only sister he seem more mad/upset at me i told them “you got your big day now you have to deal with the consequences”
my bother and sil got extremely upset than left. my mother asked what happened but we told her he had the runs (diarrhoea) and needed to leave
my bother sent me a heartbreaking email afterwards on how he felt so rejected that we weren’t at his wedding nor apologised afterwards
sorry for my bad grammar but with the news of my mom and having a newborn plus the situation with my brother,my mind is like a noodle rn
| 19,460 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r01d97/aita_for_telling_my_brother_and_sil_you_got_your/
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2021-11-23 01:23:42
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nta. your brother and his wife obviously had grand visions for their wedding and seemed to be entirely tone deaf about the viability of those visions. that's not your fault or issue. they seem pretty immature.
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nta. your brother doesn’t get to alienate his family, make it impossible for them to come to his wedding, and then turn around and play victim on the other side.
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nta. they sound extremely privileged.. if you want people to go to your wedding, have it somewhere easily accessible.
you clearly tried your best to be a good brother and they treated you poorly in return. you have nothing to be sorry for.
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if you find your brother's self-serving email "heartbreaking" despite the irrefutable bullet points you wrote about the reasons you all couldn't attend the self-indulgent destination wedding, then you should also be heartbroken that he's brain dead. sincere condolences on your mother and congratulations on your new baby.
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nta
they got what they deserved.
>my bother and sil got extremely upset than left. my mother asked what happened but we told her he had the runs (diarrhoea) and needed to leave
love this btw, especially since it low key says that they left because they were being little shits lol
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nta - op i am so sorry that at this time when you should be celebrating the birth of your child, you have to deal with your mother's bad news.
my mind is totally blown that your family meets while everyone is digesting the news that she only has 6 more months and your brother/sil want to discuss their wedding. get you and your siblings alone not to discuss your mother, but his hurt feelings. maybe he'll grow up someday.
someone thought maybe sil was trying to alienate him from his family, but it sounds like he's stuck in a "me me me" stage of life.
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wow, what drama queens. definitely nta
we live in this world where people think that weddings are an excuse to be selfish and then they don't want to deal with the lifelong consequences that come with that. they sound like awful and entitled people all around. they made their plans knowing none of you would be able to come.
and sorry about your mom. that must be terrible.
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wow. nta. that’s wild.
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nta. destination weddings come with the possibility of not every desired guest in attendance. your brother choosing to cut off relationships with his family over very valid reasons for being unable to travel is his own problem. also, insisting people travel during the current global pavlova is incredibly selfish and irresponsible, even when those people are fit and fully healthy.
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nta. he can't call you names, go low contact, etc., and then wonder why-oh-why his siblings aren't being warm and welcoming to him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (29f) brother (31m) and his wife (34f) got married two months ago, they had a destination wedding unfortunately none of our side expect a cousin could attend due to multiple valid reasons which i list a short few - grandparents (95f,98f,89m) = too old - our parents= mom has breast cancer and my dad takes full care of her - me and our youngest brothers gf = heavily pregnant/newborn - our older brother and aunt = busy doctors who have to be extra careful everyone else ether couldn’t afford it or couldn’t afford to take two weeks off. we tried to explain to them the situation months before the wedding but where hit with “our wedding,our rules. don’t like it don’t come” we asked to be able to help in anyway we could but a few weeks before the wedding their attitudes changed we where told they’d prefer to go low contact because we weren’t coming to the wedding ,which meant we didn’t support their marriage. i even begged to pay for the bridesmaids dresses but my brother told me he didn’t want my money he wanted me at his day i tried to explain to him,his wedding was 4 days before my due date. he ended up screaming at me calling me a spoiled entitled brat than blocking me. they did similar stuff with everyone else, they even went as far getting my extremely sick mother upset to the point my father stopped talking to my brother. so onto the situation after months of passive aggressive posts on social media and bride/groomzila tantrums they wanted to make up with everyone due to my mother finding out extremely heartbreaking news (6 months left) we all ended up having dinner at my family home tonight with everyone being extremely cold to my bother and his wife. no one really cared to listen to about their wedding nor looked at their photos my brother ended up getting us(siblings) alone to ask us why we where being dicks. my youngest brother told him tonight wasn’t the time than walked out, oldest said when mom died he would never speak to him again but due to the fact i’m his only sister he seem more mad/upset at me i told them “you got your big day now you have to deal with the consequences” my bother and sil got extremely upset than left. my mother asked what happened but we told her he had the runs (diarrhoea) and needed to leave my bother sent me a heartbreaking email afterwards on how he felt so rejected that we weren’t at his wedding nor apologised afterwards sorry for my bad grammar but with the news of my mom and having a newborn plus the situation with my brother,my mind is like a noodle rn
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (29f) brother (31m) and his wife (34f) got married two months ago, they had a destination wedding unfortunately none of our side expect a cousin could attend due to multiple valid reasons which i list a short few - grandparents (95f,98f,89m) = too old - our parents= mom has breast cancer and my dad takes full care of her - me and our youngest brothers gf = heavily pregnant/newborn - our older brother and aunt = busy doctors who have to be extra careful everyone else ether couldn’t afford it or couldn’t afford to take two weeks off. we tried to explain to them the situation months before the wedding but where hit with “our wedding,our rules. don’t like it don’t come” we asked to be able to help in anyway we could but a few weeks before the wedding their attitudes changed we where told they’d prefer to go low contact because we weren’t coming to the wedding ,which meant we didn’t support their marriage. i even begged to pay for the bridesmaids dresses but my brother told me he didn’t want my money he wanted me at his day i tried to explain to him,his wedding was 4 days before my due date. he ended up screaming at me calling me a spoiled entitled brat than blocking me. they did similar stuff with everyone else, they even went as far getting my extremely sick mother upset to the point my father stopped talking to my brother. so onto the situation after months of passive aggressive posts on social media and bride/groomzila tantrums they wanted to make up with everyone due to my mother finding out extremely heartbreaking news (6 months left) we all ended up having dinner at my family home tonight with everyone being extremely cold to my bother and his wife. no one really cared to listen to about their wedding nor looked at their photos my brother ended up getting us(siblings) alone to ask us why we where being dicks. my youngest brother told him tonight wasn’t the time than walked out, oldest said when mom died he would never speak to him again but due to the fact i’m his only sister he seem more mad/upset at me i told them “you got your big day now you have to deal with the consequences” my bother and sil got extremely upset than left. my mother asked what happened but we told her he had the runs (diarrhoea) and needed to leave my bother sent me a heartbreaking email afterwards on how he felt so rejected that we weren’t at his wedding nor apologised afterwards sorry for my bad grammar but with the news of my mom and having a newborn plus the situation with my brother,my mind is like a noodle rn [/INST] nta. your brother and his wife obviously had grand visions for their wedding and seemed to be entirely tone deaf about the viability of those visions. that's not your fault or issue. they seem pretty immature. </s>
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AITA for embarrassing a mother with three kids in front of the store?
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first off, i know parenting is hard and all that. but i think if you sign up to be a parent you shouldn’t be forcing other people, let alone complete strangers, to take care of and pick up after your kids.
this lady came into the store where i’m the manager and had her three children with her. the kids were no older than eight and were knocking things over every 2 minutes. she would pick up some of the items but other than that she just let her kids grab a bunch of stuff and leave it wherever they felt like. right before checking out i literally watched her go halfway down and isle (guess she thought we couldn’t see her there) and dump every item her kids grabbed onto a shelf. it was a full carts worth of assorted toys and other items. and not just one or two big items but arms full of small stuff.
after watching her do this when she went to the register i grabbed everything. i dropped it numerous times as i couldn’t carry it all easily. finally, i made it to the register carrying everything she dumped in the middle of the store.
my coworker looked shocked when she saw me and stopped to help me, asking “what is all this!?” i just said “oh i found it just dumped on a unit in the back.” i did not directly blame the lady or call out her kids, i just made a general statement. the lady immediately started apologizing and offering to let her kids put it up. which i didn’t take her up on it; as her kids would of just shoved it wherever. she did look embarrassed but i’m pretty sure it was because she got caught, not cause she felt guilty.
i know it’s hard parenting, and i know she probably needed a break. but how many other stores does she do this to? making employees clean up her kid’s mess. if she would of just asked us at the front to help her cause her kids grabbed a bunch of stuff we would of.
now that’s she’s gone and i thought about it i feel like that might of been a dick move to call her out in front of her kids and other customers, even if i didn’t name her. that and she may file a customer complaint for making her feel unwelcome or something.
i personally feel like she deserved it for causing us a bunch of extra work, but i don’t know if corporate would agree... so aita?
| 168 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nmkeoq/aita_for_embarrassing_a_mother_with_three_kids_in/
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2021-05-27 23:21:47
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nta. that was a pretty passive, tactful way to call her out, well done.
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nta
not your fault her kids are acting like that and whatever circumstances lead to her needing to bring them with her to the store.
i feel like the people going yta are probably really shitty and entitled to serving staff and leave bad tips.
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nta , that was a non confrontational way to make her think about her kids behavior and her parenting. i bet at least 2/3 are old enough to know that isn’t acceptable behavior. people need to be trained if they are going to be able to in public spaces.
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nta
people need to actually parent their kids. telling them to stop touching things and going through the effort of putting everything back should be enough.
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nta it's her job to teach her kids, if you actually address behaviors and how to act they don't become the type of kids/adults that can't walk through a store without simple respect for others and surroundings.
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nta. i do this all the time. it doesn't teach anyone anything because if they were comfortable enough to do it before then they'll continue doing it again, but its cathartic and makes me feel better for a few minutes.
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nta - people who act like this are awful stains on society. making the easily resolved issues they refuse to take care of on their own someone else's problem. this isn't someone struggling financially or with mental health issues. this is a lazy woman who decided to have multiple children and refuse to discipline them. they deserve to see how they affect others.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first off, i know parenting is hard and all that. but i think if you sign up to be a parent you shouldn’t be forcing other people, let alone complete strangers, to take care of and pick up after your kids. this lady came into the store where i’m the manager and had her three children with her. the kids were no older than eight and were knocking things over every 2 minutes. she would pick up some of the items but other than that she just let her kids grab a bunch of stuff and leave it wherever they felt like. right before checking out i literally watched her go halfway down and isle (guess she thought we couldn’t see her there) and dump every item her kids grabbed onto a shelf. it was a full carts worth of assorted toys and other items. and not just one or two big items but arms full of small stuff. after watching her do this when she went to the register i grabbed everything. i dropped it numerous times as i couldn’t carry it all easily. finally, i made it to the register carrying everything she dumped in the middle of the store. my coworker looked shocked when she saw me and stopped to help me, asking “what is all this!?” i just said “oh i found it just dumped on a unit in the back.” i did not directly blame the lady or call out her kids, i just made a general statement. the lady immediately started apologizing and offering to let her kids put it up. which i didn’t take her up on it; as her kids would of just shoved it wherever. she did look embarrassed but i’m pretty sure it was because she got caught, not cause she felt guilty. i know it’s hard parenting, and i know she probably needed a break. but how many other stores does she do this to? making employees clean up her kid’s mess. if she would of just asked us at the front to help her cause her kids grabbed a bunch of stuff we would of. now that’s she’s gone and i thought about it i feel like that might of been a dick move to call her out in front of her kids and other customers, even if i didn’t name her. that and she may file a customer complaint for making her feel unwelcome or something. i personally feel like she deserved it for causing us a bunch of extra work, but i don’t know if corporate would agree... so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first off, i know parenting is hard and all that. but i think if you sign up to be a parent you shouldn’t be forcing other people, let alone complete strangers, to take care of and pick up after your kids. this lady came into the store where i’m the manager and had her three children with her. the kids were no older than eight and were knocking things over every 2 minutes. she would pick up some of the items but other than that she just let her kids grab a bunch of stuff and leave it wherever they felt like. right before checking out i literally watched her go halfway down and isle (guess she thought we couldn’t see her there) and dump every item her kids grabbed onto a shelf. it was a full carts worth of assorted toys and other items. and not just one or two big items but arms full of small stuff. after watching her do this when she went to the register i grabbed everything. i dropped it numerous times as i couldn’t carry it all easily. finally, i made it to the register carrying everything she dumped in the middle of the store. my coworker looked shocked when she saw me and stopped to help me, asking “what is all this!?” i just said “oh i found it just dumped on a unit in the back.” i did not directly blame the lady or call out her kids, i just made a general statement. the lady immediately started apologizing and offering to let her kids put it up. which i didn’t take her up on it; as her kids would of just shoved it wherever. she did look embarrassed but i’m pretty sure it was because she got caught, not cause she felt guilty. i know it’s hard parenting, and i know she probably needed a break. but how many other stores does she do this to? making employees clean up her kid’s mess. if she would of just asked us at the front to help her cause her kids grabbed a bunch of stuff we would of. now that’s she’s gone and i thought about it i feel like that might of been a dick move to call her out in front of her kids and other customers, even if i didn’t name her. that and she may file a customer complaint for making her feel unwelcome or something. i personally feel like she deserved it for causing us a bunch of extra work, but i don’t know if corporate would agree... so aita? [/INST] nta. that was a pretty passive, tactful way to call her out, well done. </s>
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AITA- for calling the police on my moms house party?
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okay i just really want to know if i am fucked up for what i did.
last saturday my mother had a 20+ person family party which i wanted no part in. everytime my family comes they are loud, play loud music, obnoxious, get belligerently drunk. i am not even entirely sure if everyone is vaccinated. (if you are a latin person, you know what kind of party i mean)
anyway i'm in my room just trying to muffle the noise out with beats headphones and a tv show and it is still not muffling the sound out since my bedroom is right next to the back yard.
the party started at 5, it was 10 pm and i kindly asked my mom if she could tell everyone to go home soon. (i work during the week, and naturally sleep early and rise early)
she proceeded to tell me, literally, to fuck off, if i don't like it to get out. this really really hurt me for a variety of reasons (i've been helping her so much through the pandemic). this just felt like the worst kind of betrayal.
11pm comes around, now might, now 1 am... it goes on
i call the police now. at 1 am at 2 am and again at 3 am. they show up all 3 times to a loud disgusting party with belligerent people and pretty much do absolutely nothing.
partly lasts till **6 am**. i got 0 sleep. i just stayed up all night, crying, upset- whatever. i wake up and go to the gym so i don't fuck up my sleep schedule or blow up on my mother & stay up as long as i can that evening. the house was destroyed, outside and inside. i was/am devastated.
my mom later checks our phone records and saw the police calls came from my phone, we are currently on awful terms and i feel bad about it considering the rep police get now, but honestly that party gave me severe anxiety and fucked up my entire sunday which i spend prepping for the week.
i should note, i do help out financially, i am 24 work in corporate and saving until i can move out.
so... aita? did i overreact?
| 1,116 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ptznyd/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_moms_house_party/
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2021-09-23 17:02:16
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nta. you live there and should be considered.
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inevitable conflict so gonna say ntah.
your mom should be allowed to have a party (assuming vaccinations) and you should be allowed to rest.
still, calling the cops on your own family is not ideal, just because the fallout could be bad if they find out. also, you might create larger problems for yourself if the police do take some kind of action.
could you have arranged to find another place to stay during the party and for a day or two after the party, so that you do not get stuck cleaning?
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nta i am latin as well and these family gathers literally make me want to fucking die. i don't think i would call the police, but luckily i don't have anything important to do the next day this things happen.
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info
are these parties a regular occourance?
yta after rereading, if the police showed up 3 times and didn't shut down the party then the party wasn't as loud/awful as you thought it was.
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>she proceeded to tell me, literally, to fuck off, if i don't like it to get out.
that's exactly what you should do.
nta
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3 times? if the police didn't do anything the first time, i have no idea why you called them out twice more? that's a huge waste of police time, and you're an ah for that alone.
i won't repeat what others have said in detail, but it's her house, and if she doesn't need all the rent you're paying her you should save it and move out sooner, not repeatedly call the cops who apparently did not share your view of anything too extreme taking place. yta.
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yta
you are 24 years old. if you want to live with your parents to save up money, fine, but then you need to respect how they live their lives. if you do not like it, you are perfectly capable of living on your own. if you were under 18 and had no choice then i might feel bad for you, but you actively choose to live there - whether you help or not.
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yta. yes you live there, sure you help out, but chances are this is your mothers house. she can have a party when and wherever she wants. im sure this isnt the first time she's had a party like this. the nerve of you to ask her to ask everyone to go home at 10pm?
yeah its not super considerate when you have to sleep, but you could have found somewhere else to crash that night knowing that there would be a loud party. yet, you called the cops on your mom. wth?
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yta.
i 100% understand having sensory issues and not enjoying parties. however calling the cops on her is way overreacting. also, you e said that she's had these types of parties 6 times since you had to move back in, yet you haven't thought about setting some money aside for a hotel when she does have these parties? if you have been saving to move out, pulling $200 out to not be an ah and help yourself, instead you decided to have a panic attack and call the cops. you either haven't been saving or wanted to be an ah. you're 24. 👏 act like it.
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nta.
ny dad's side of the family is latino, i know exactly what party you're describing. i also wanna say that i grew up with very strong family values (mostly trust, respect and patience). for that exact reason, if a member of the family needed rest for school/work reason, that would be respected no question. specially since my dad immigrated for better life, school and work has always been respected.
we also party loudly and in big numbers (obviously not in the past dozen months or so), but there's a time and place for it.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay i just really want to know if i am fucked up for what i did. last saturday my mother had a 20+ person family party which i wanted no part in. everytime my family comes they are loud, play loud music, obnoxious, get belligerently drunk. i am not even entirely sure if everyone is vaccinated. (if you are a latin person, you know what kind of party i mean) anyway i'm in my room just trying to muffle the noise out with beats headphones and a tv show and it is still not muffling the sound out since my bedroom is right next to the back yard. the party started at 5, it was 10 pm and i kindly asked my mom if she could tell everyone to go home soon. (i work during the week, and naturally sleep early and rise early) she proceeded to tell me, literally, to fuck off, if i don't like it to get out. this really really hurt me for a variety of reasons (i've been helping her so much through the pandemic). this just felt like the worst kind of betrayal. 11pm comes around, now might, now 1 am... it goes on i call the police now. at 1 am at 2 am and again at 3 am. they show up all 3 times to a loud disgusting party with belligerent people and pretty much do absolutely nothing. partly lasts till **6 am**. i got 0 sleep. i just stayed up all night, crying, upset- whatever. i wake up and go to the gym so i don't fuck up my sleep schedule or blow up on my mother & stay up as long as i can that evening. the house was destroyed, outside and inside. i was/am devastated. my mom later checks our phone records and saw the police calls came from my phone, we are currently on awful terms and i feel bad about it considering the rep police get now, but honestly that party gave me severe anxiety and fucked up my entire sunday which i spend prepping for the week. i should note, i do help out financially, i am 24 work in corporate and saving until i can move out. so... aita? did i overreact?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay i just really want to know if i am fucked up for what i did. last saturday my mother had a 20+ person family party which i wanted no part in. everytime my family comes they are loud, play loud music, obnoxious, get belligerently drunk. i am not even entirely sure if everyone is vaccinated. (if you are a latin person, you know what kind of party i mean) anyway i'm in my room just trying to muffle the noise out with beats headphones and a tv show and it is still not muffling the sound out since my bedroom is right next to the back yard. the party started at 5, it was 10 pm and i kindly asked my mom if she could tell everyone to go home soon. (i work during the week, and naturally sleep early and rise early) she proceeded to tell me, literally, to fuck off, if i don't like it to get out. this really really hurt me for a variety of reasons (i've been helping her so much through the pandemic). this just felt like the worst kind of betrayal. 11pm comes around, now might, now 1 am... it goes on i call the police now. at 1 am at 2 am and again at 3 am. they show up all 3 times to a loud disgusting party with belligerent people and pretty much do absolutely nothing. partly lasts till **6 am**. i got 0 sleep. i just stayed up all night, crying, upset- whatever. i wake up and go to the gym so i don't fuck up my sleep schedule or blow up on my mother & stay up as long as i can that evening. the house was destroyed, outside and inside. i was/am devastated. my mom later checks our phone records and saw the police calls came from my phone, we are currently on awful terms and i feel bad about it considering the rep police get now, but honestly that party gave me severe anxiety and fucked up my entire sunday which i spend prepping for the week. i should note, i do help out financially, i am 24 work in corporate and saving until i can move out. so... aita? did i overreact? [/INST] nta. you live there and should be considered. </s>
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AITA for "self diagnosing"?
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side note: my parents never brought me into therapy for multiple reasons
the other day, i was talking to a friend, and i mentioned that i *think* i might have adhd, since i fit all of the traits and i have been researching it for about three years since that was the time i thought i had it.
they then called me an ah for self diagnosing myself, and that it's taking away from people who actually have adhd.
i wasn't self diagnosing, i just said i thought that i might have it.
even then, i don't really see a problem with self diagnosing, because not everyone can afford therapy or a doctor to help them. i told them that it is a bit classist for them to think that way.
aita?
| 182 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jihqlm/aita_for_self_diagnosing/
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2020-10-26 16:30:26
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nta. mental illness isn't a zero-sum game. thinking you *might* have a condition takes nothing away from people who have been diagnosed.
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you saying you think it's the keyword that imo makes it nta. if you're family is refusing to get you tested that's not your fault. once you are able to be independent you can discuss it with a doctor and get a proper diagnosis.
if you are saying you had it without a diagnosis that would be y t a but thinking you might is different.
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nta
in most cases, especially among adults, self diagnosing is the initial step towards an official diagnosis. it’s recognizing your symptoms, signs, and struggles and putting a name to them. if it helps you to conceive of yourself as adhd, that in no way invalidates people who have clinically diagnosed adhd.
i have clinically diagnosed autism and adhd, and i had them before i was assessed and diagnosed. i recognized those traits within myself, and took steps to get professionally assessed.
i will say, don’t rule out an official diagnosis, especially for adhd, because treatment can work wonders. but i also get that it’s expensive and time consuming.
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nta
so i “self diagnosed” with adhd when i was 15 and i was told by my family that i would have already been diagnosed if that had been the case. so i dropped it.
fast forward two years and a half and guess what a psychiatrist said? i am a textbook case and it was baffling to him that no one saw it.
adhd is one of those things where one can easily say that it applies to them. you also become pretty good at identifying in others; i have an surprisingly high number of people who got tested after i told them to and who do, in fact, have adhd.
if i were you, i would go see a psychiatrist for the diagnosis but it’s not necessary if you don’t want to try adhd drugs. as long as you’re not taking medicine without medical supervision, you’re good either way.
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nta. you're right, not everyone can afford to go through the process of being professionally diagnosed and even when they can, there's a lot of bias amongst doctors (like underdiagnosing girls with autism, for example). it's not like you took one online quiz and went around saying you have it, you've been researching for years and only said you thought you might have it. which would actually be the first step in getting diagnosed, if you were going to, doctors aren't psychic, you have to go in and say you think you have it. and either way, you're taking literally nothing away from anyone.
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nta i told people i thought i was bipolar. shit, when i finally got in to see a dr i told the dr 'heads up, i personally think i have bipolar '.
guess what? i am bipolar.
am i more bipolar now than i was at 14 and i dropped out of school due to depression and tried to kill myself for the first time? or maniacally sewing costumes at 3 am after two days without sleeping while teaching myself japanese and dying my hair pink?
you are right, in a society where healthcare is a privilege not a right it is kind of classiest to say you can't be suffering with something until a dr says so.
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nta. getting diagnosed is expensive and inaccessible to a lot of people, not to mention the fact that the people doing the testing have their own biases as well. it's not a perfect system. i spent years fairly certain that i was autistic, but wasn't able to get it confirmed until finally getting a second evaluation at 22 during one of the worst points of my life. you know yourself and how you experience things. you've done the research and you aren't invalidating anyone by seeing this within yourself.
obviously it's still important to get yourself to a professional who can help you figure out if this is the real issue and what strategies will help you (medication, therapy, etc) when that becomes possible. but you're not the asshole here at all. it's a tough situation when you feel so strongly that this is what you've been missing but the people around you won't take you seriously. i hope in time you'll be able to get access to the resources you need.
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even before i clicked this i knew it would be adhd. funny how people get mad about self-diagnosis of adhd and not, say, short-sightedness or diabetes. how on earth do people get diagnosed with anything if others expect them to keep silent on groups of symptoms? nta.
i am diagnosed, if that helps to give you 'permission'. any one reading at home that can't afford to get diagnosed or faces a long waiting list: i also have literally zero issues with people that suspect they have adhd and look up resources and coping strategies for it online (or even neurotypical people that are feeling overwhelmed and wonder what others do to cope- pro tip.)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: side note: my parents never brought me into therapy for multiple reasons the other day, i was talking to a friend, and i mentioned that i *think* i might have adhd, since i fit all of the traits and i have been researching it for about three years since that was the time i thought i had it. they then called me an ah for self diagnosing myself, and that it's taking away from people who actually have adhd. i wasn't self diagnosing, i just said i thought that i might have it. even then, i don't really see a problem with self diagnosing, because not everyone can afford therapy or a doctor to help them. i told them that it is a bit classist for them to think that way. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
side note: my parents never brought me into therapy for multiple reasons the other day, i was talking to a friend, and i mentioned that i *think* i might have adhd, since i fit all of the traits and i have been researching it for about three years since that was the time i thought i had it. they then called me an ah for self diagnosing myself, and that it's taking away from people who actually have adhd. i wasn't self diagnosing, i just said i thought that i might have it. even then, i don't really see a problem with self diagnosing, because not everyone can afford therapy or a doctor to help them. i told them that it is a bit classist for them to think that way. aita? [/INST] nta. mental illness isn't a zero-sum game. thinking you *might* have a condition takes nothing away from people who have been diagnosed. </s>
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AITA for closing my property?
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before anything sorry for any mistake, english is not my first language. a little background story, my grandmother had a plot of land and 3 sons so she divided it in 3 pieces, one for each son. it also has a private road common for all. so my uncle has the bottom piece in which he made a farm but he doesn’t live in it, just his animals, my father got the middle one and my other uncle got the top piece which is near the principal road of my neighborhood and has the old house that was my grandparents. so my uncle from the top died years ago and left his house to his goddaughter, my cousin daughter of my uncle from the bottom (she made a little farm out of it too). my house wasn’t closed didn’t have a wall or a gate and because of that there was a huge space between my house and the common road which was a reason for everyone to use it to turn their cars and leave. that caused us a lot of stress because we are the only family that actually lives here and there were cars outside all the time at any hour of the day. i got a 5mo son and you see it’s annoying the noise all the time. one night my cousin came here to turn the car and i don’t know what happened i heard my dog yelp and he hid, immediately i called her and told her that they hit my dog (he’s fine). she denied and i told her that from now on they where forbidden to turn cars in my yard and that i was going to close it. she got very offended and asked why it bothers me so much that they use my space like “it’s just a few seconds to turn de car” but it’s a few seconded all the time! sometimes late in the night, the dogs bark and as i said i have a baby inside! not to mention the lack of privacy, there were times that i had to run and close my curtains so nobody would see me naked, even for “a few seconds”.
oh and my uncle from the bottom has a herd of goats and bring it here so they can eat our grass “for free”. it smells like goats outside all the time.
so am i the asshole for closing my property?
(sorry for the long post)
| 340 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/udwvuc/aita_for_closing_my_property/
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2022-04-28 14:55:45
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nta
it's your property.
if you don't want people turning around in your yard, or having livestock that's not your eating your grass, close it off.
now if you want to lease your property to your uncle to allow his goats to graze, that's something else.
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nta in the slightest. they're annoying you, it's your land, and they're being entitled little shits. the hit your dog, fuck them
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nta. they're not being respectful of your property at all. they're not keeping decent visiting hours, they're not watching for your animals, and they're not asking permission. they clearly don't appreciate what they have, and you have every right to turn them away.
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nta
there’s a reason most people have fences around their property—too many people out there are rude and entitled and disrespectful. for years, there was a small wooded lot that belonged to us between our house and the neighbors. when they started throwing big rowdy parties on it, problem. once i was reading on a blanket there when some drunk guy told me to leave (uh, my property) because i “wasn’t invited.” called the fence guy the next day. 🙄
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nta. “good fences make good neighbors” - robert frost. this is true even if the neighbors are family.
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nta. you have a family and animals that need to be kept safe and it’s your property! if they don’t like it they can turn around in their own yards.
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nta. it's your property and if they won't respect your wishes, then it leaves you with no other choice.
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nta.
at all.
you've got some very entitled feeling relatives. what's next, them running over your child when they're old enough to play outside, and then denying it??
the property is yours to do with as you please. sux to be them!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before anything sorry for any mistake, english is not my first language. a little background story, my grandmother had a plot of land and 3 sons so she divided it in 3 pieces, one for each son. it also has a private road common for all. so my uncle has the bottom piece in which he made a farm but he doesn’t live in it, just his animals, my father got the middle one and my other uncle got the top piece which is near the principal road of my neighborhood and has the old house that was my grandparents. so my uncle from the top died years ago and left his house to his goddaughter, my cousin daughter of my uncle from the bottom (she made a little farm out of it too). my house wasn’t closed didn’t have a wall or a gate and because of that there was a huge space between my house and the common road which was a reason for everyone to use it to turn their cars and leave. that caused us a lot of stress because we are the only family that actually lives here and there were cars outside all the time at any hour of the day. i got a 5mo son and you see it’s annoying the noise all the time. one night my cousin came here to turn the car and i don’t know what happened i heard my dog yelp and he hid, immediately i called her and told her that they hit my dog (he’s fine). she denied and i told her that from now on they where forbidden to turn cars in my yard and that i was going to close it. she got very offended and asked why it bothers me so much that they use my space like “it’s just a few seconds to turn de car” but it’s a few seconded all the time! sometimes late in the night, the dogs bark and as i said i have a baby inside! not to mention the lack of privacy, there were times that i had to run and close my curtains so nobody would see me naked, even for “a few seconds”. oh and my uncle from the bottom has a herd of goats and bring it here so they can eat our grass “for free”. it smells like goats outside all the time. so am i the asshole for closing my property? (sorry for the long post)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before anything sorry for any mistake, english is not my first language. a little background story, my grandmother had a plot of land and 3 sons so she divided it in 3 pieces, one for each son. it also has a private road common for all. so my uncle has the bottom piece in which he made a farm but he doesn’t live in it, just his animals, my father got the middle one and my other uncle got the top piece which is near the principal road of my neighborhood and has the old house that was my grandparents. so my uncle from the top died years ago and left his house to his goddaughter, my cousin daughter of my uncle from the bottom (she made a little farm out of it too). my house wasn’t closed didn’t have a wall or a gate and because of that there was a huge space between my house and the common road which was a reason for everyone to use it to turn their cars and leave. that caused us a lot of stress because we are the only family that actually lives here and there were cars outside all the time at any hour of the day. i got a 5mo son and you see it’s annoying the noise all the time. one night my cousin came here to turn the car and i don’t know what happened i heard my dog yelp and he hid, immediately i called her and told her that they hit my dog (he’s fine). she denied and i told her that from now on they where forbidden to turn cars in my yard and that i was going to close it. she got very offended and asked why it bothers me so much that they use my space like “it’s just a few seconds to turn de car” but it’s a few seconded all the time! sometimes late in the night, the dogs bark and as i said i have a baby inside! not to mention the lack of privacy, there were times that i had to run and close my curtains so nobody would see me naked, even for “a few seconds”. oh and my uncle from the bottom has a herd of goats and bring it here so they can eat our grass “for free”. it smells like goats outside all the time. so am i the asshole for closing my property? (sorry for the long post) [/INST] nta it's your property. if you don't want people turning around in your yard, or having livestock that's not your eating your grass, close it off. now if you want to lease your property to your uncle to allow his goats to graze, that's something else. </s>
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AITA for saying I’m not religious during a demonstration?
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this is an old story, about 1 week old. (
| 2,698 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n86bkc/aita_for_saying_im_not_religious_during_a/
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2021-05-09 04:21:06
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nta, he embarrassed himself not you. how can you know what someone is or isn’t when you don’t know the person and insist on it??
that’s one heck of a narcissistic behavior. ignore the fella and tell him you’ll report him to hr if he keeps making things difficult for you
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definitely nta. i mean what he said doesn’t even makes sense, how can **you** have embarrassed him, when you were just saying that you are not religious!?
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ah what a lovely demonstration of his implicit bias. he embarrassed himself, not you. nta.
i’m curious though.. do you work for a religious organization? and if not, what was the reason for being required to attend this lecture? because that can possibly be a problem. could people refuse to go? would there be negative consequences to anyone who didn’t attend?
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what? no, nta, who argues with someone about what their religion is. the guys an idiot.
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nta. he’s the ass for assuming you’re a part of a certain religion and then proceeding to argue with you even *after* you told him that you were not.
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nta!
i used to live in a very heavily religious town, and it was just always assumed that everyone there was automatically part of this religion. except i'm an atheist.
well, one day i was browsing at a little community 2nd hand thrift store when i found a kitchen table and chair set for cheap that i desperately needed for my kids and i for our new home (we barely had any furniture). the problem was that of course i didn't have a truck and since we just moved to the state a few months prior, i personally didn't know anyone with a truck, but i had plenty of money to offer someone to drive it the short distance to my house and i didn't even need any help lifting.
i took a risk and found an employee and asked if there was an employee who had a truck who i could pay to help me take this much-needed furniture to my house. i promised that i would do all the lifting because i already felt guilty for asking. the nice gentleman goes into the back and i'm assuming he's asking people, but he came back out saying "no, sorry. nobody has a truck." but then he told me that since the store was run by the local church that i should ask the assistant manager who was cashiering. ok. i actually bought a shirt, and during the transaction i brought up my predicament and questions all over again - did he know of someone with a truck that i could pay to get the furniture home?
he asked me, "did you talk to your pastor/priest first?" (i don't remember which one he said.)
"no, i'm not religious."
and this jerk looked me dead in the eye and said, "well, then i can't help you."
i actually stood there for a few seconds stunned, not quite sure if he was joking or something, but he was quite serious. i remember walking out of store fuming mad but mainly just feeling absolutely helpless.
that encounter just made me hate religion even more. i never went back to that store or asked their religious organization for any kind of help after that.
i was raised to help *everyone*
no matter their skin color, religion, sex, handicap, race, ect. i'll *never* understand the notion of "i got mine, fuck you" or "i don't want to help you because you are different"
i was taught to share what i have, even if it's nothing....
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nta. you didn’t make him seem like he assumes someone’s religion, he literally does just assume someone’s religion. he exposed himself and you shouldn’t have to hide a part of who you are to satisfy his image. i’m proud of you for publicly acknowledging your beliefs even though it didn’t match up with everyone else. that’s very brave of you.
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nta he asked a question, you gave him an honest answer.
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nta and i’m so sorry you were in that situation! if he literally told you “yes you are” religious, that is absurd! it seems like he’s trying to cover his ass so hard and turn it around and put the blame on you for what he said. also your employer should never force employees to attend a lecture on religion? the only instance i can think of where that would be appropriate is if you are scholars doing research on religion. highly inappropriate to even have that type of meeting/lecture. i hope this isn’t a common occurrence for you.
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utah! (said sarcastically) it's what i yell when i'm driving and the light turns yellow but it's too late to stop. why? because people don't understand yellow lights here and at least two people will follow me through the intersection. it's my personal commentary (to myself) on the moral high ground mormons think they have while they can't even follow the 12th article of faith of *obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law* as it pertains to traffic.
so why should they be expected to obey the employment laws about mixing religion and work?
you are absolutely nta here. the assumption by everyone that we must all be mormon and subscribe to the mormon ideal is really oppressive and disgusting. it's like specifically utah mormons forgot that the most precious tenet of their faith is agency (free will) and the right to choose our path in life. it is a gross violation of any mormon's faith to try to force their personal faith upon others, denying them agency. i'd tell you to complain, but to who? your hr department probably condones the mixing of religion and work. and any local agency is going to be staffed with mormons who won't see a problem. sorry, this sucks, but there's not much you can do about it except stand your agnostic ground.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is an old story, about 1 week old. (
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is an old story, about 1 week old. ( [/INST] nta, he embarrassed himself not you. how can you know what someone is or isn’t when you don’t know the person and insist on it?? that’s one heck of a narcissistic behavior. ignore the fella and tell him you’ll report him to hr if he keeps making things difficult for you </s>
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AITA for not letting my best friend console his girlfriend and taking her away from him?
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this one is kinda of tricky. my (29m) best friend ‘aaron’ (27m) started dating this girl ‘samantha’ (22f) over 6 months ago. from what aaron tells me and what i see their relationship is perfect. when they are together they are extremely affectionate, and you can see how much they love each other by the way they look at each other. now i believed and still believe aaron would never do anything to intentionally hurt samantha.
now on to the story our friend group decided to go up to my families lake house last weekend when all of this occurred (all covid safe, we are first responders and work together. we have all been vaccinated, we were also the only ones there). this all started when we went out onto the lake.
they were both laughing and samantha kept insisting she didn’t want to get in the lake. it didn’t really seem that serious they were both laughing and joking and kissing each other. then aaron started actually trying to get her in the lake, she joked about lake monsters, but then seriously said she couldn’t swim. i stepped in and told him to knock it off and that wasn’t funny anymore. he immediately listened.
i thought that was it until i saw them walking on the pier, i saw aaron pretending to push her into the water, except she actually fell. i immediately jumped into the water and got her out. she wasn’t flailing around or screaming the way people normally notice drownings. she was just sinking to the bottom. i pulled her out and at this point aaron noticed she wasn’t joking. she was clinging to me tightly as i pulled her through the water. samantha was of course terrified and traumatized. she continued to cling to me till we got up to the pier and after we were safely on it. i refused to let aaron anywhere near her, even after started crying when she came to her senses. which made me angrier and made aaron feel even worse.
i didn’t let aaron go near her even when we got her inside. he kept saying he thought she could swim because they have swam at the beach and in a swimming pool before. that’s when she told us she is genuinely terrified of lakes and swimming in them. so while she can swim, she cannot swim in a lake. which aaron had no idea of. they both went upstairs and talked and then they came back down she said she forgave him and he didn’t mean to hurt her.
that is why i feel like the asshole, i kept aaron away from her in a time when she needed him to console her. basically during her most traumatizing time i kept her boyfriend away from her because i thought i was doing the right thing. so while i know aaron was definitely an asshole i’m just wondering whether i was one too for what i did.
| 307 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kzj57h/aita_for_not_letting_my_best_friend_console_his/
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2021-01-18 00:42:57
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nta your friend was an absolute idiot in that moment and pushed her boundaries, and you were looking out for her
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nta-no means no! no matter what it is being said for. aaron needs to grow up. his behavior was borderline abusive. what else is he going to ignore when his girlfriend tells him no?
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honestly nta.
it was a life or death situation and you reacted quickly and intelligently. it may have helped her to keep a little distance from your friend to calm down, especially since it sounds like they got past it relatively fast. i can only imagine how she felt being pushed in with such a fear - again big kudos to you for saving her life.
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nta. you feel like one because you are a good person, but you aren’t an asshole. you did what you thought was right in the moment.
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nta.
her boyfriend almost killed her. you were giving her time to process that. she deserved that space. she may have not wanted to be anywhere near him after he did that. when my dog latched onto me in the lake when we were swimming far out, because he got tired, i almost drowned. no one was on the beach and my dad was going around the island with the tube. i was over 10 and a strong swimmer. shouldn’t have been anything to worry about. jake got tired though and put his front paws on my shoulders, and back paws on my waist to float himself and take a break and he started pushing my under. my dad came around the island with the boat and he took off swimming towards him, but i was terrified of him for a few hours. jake was always there when i was upset and he kept trying to come and comfort me while i was crying and couldn’t understand why he was being sent away. it broke my heart but i needed that space. i would send her a text just to check in and see how she is maybe? just a “hey, how are you? just wanted to make sure you’re alright”.
aaron likely feels guilty but it’s his burden, not yours. wtf didn’t he jump in the lake to save his gf?
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does samantha think you're an ah? her boyfriend sure was. i don't think you are tah here.
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if she forgave him and nothing of your “behaviour” has been brought up, there is no conflict
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nta and if aaron doesn't want someone stepping in to save his gf, he shouldn't accidentally almost kill her. there's no perfect way to handle a situation with a traumatized person who almost drowned. sounds like your first responder instincts kicked in well
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nta
you saved her, and then did what you thought was best. it was a very intense and emotional situation. i’m the end, they were able to reconcile, so no harm done. plus, there are occasioned where you might have to step in some toes. luckily aaron wasn’t trying to hurt her, but if he had been, you would have had to break that boundary. it’s good that you are willing to do that for a friend.
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info - did samantha want to talk to aaron. that's the only important fact. if she wanted to but you kept him away then you are an ah. if she said she didn't want to talk to him and he tried to force his way in to get to her anyway then he's the ah.
fyi - if anyone says they can't swim and someone pushes them into the water anyway, that's a serious matter that is asking to have police called. he literally tried to kill her, whether he thought so or not.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this one is kinda of tricky. my (29m) best friend ‘aaron’ (27m) started dating this girl ‘samantha’ (22f) over 6 months ago. from what aaron tells me and what i see their relationship is perfect. when they are together they are extremely affectionate, and you can see how much they love each other by the way they look at each other. now i believed and still believe aaron would never do anything to intentionally hurt samantha. now on to the story our friend group decided to go up to my families lake house last weekend when all of this occurred (all covid safe, we are first responders and work together. we have all been vaccinated, we were also the only ones there). this all started when we went out onto the lake. they were both laughing and samantha kept insisting she didn’t want to get in the lake. it didn’t really seem that serious they were both laughing and joking and kissing each other. then aaron started actually trying to get her in the lake, she joked about lake monsters, but then seriously said she couldn’t swim. i stepped in and told him to knock it off and that wasn’t funny anymore. he immediately listened. i thought that was it until i saw them walking on the pier, i saw aaron pretending to push her into the water, except she actually fell. i immediately jumped into the water and got her out. she wasn’t flailing around or screaming the way people normally notice drownings. she was just sinking to the bottom. i pulled her out and at this point aaron noticed she wasn’t joking. she was clinging to me tightly as i pulled her through the water. samantha was of course terrified and traumatized. she continued to cling to me till we got up to the pier and after we were safely on it. i refused to let aaron anywhere near her, even after started crying when she came to her senses. which made me angrier and made aaron feel even worse. i didn’t let aaron go near her even when we got her inside. he kept saying he thought she could swim because they have swam at the beach and in a swimming pool before. that’s when she told us she is genuinely terrified of lakes and swimming in them. so while she can swim, she cannot swim in a lake. which aaron had no idea of. they both went upstairs and talked and then they came back down she said she forgave him and he didn’t mean to hurt her. that is why i feel like the asshole, i kept aaron away from her in a time when she needed him to console her. basically during her most traumatizing time i kept her boyfriend away from her because i thought i was doing the right thing. so while i know aaron was definitely an asshole i’m just wondering whether i was one too for what i did.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this one is kinda of tricky. my (29m) best friend ‘aaron’ (27m) started dating this girl ‘samantha’ (22f) over 6 months ago. from what aaron tells me and what i see their relationship is perfect. when they are together they are extremely affectionate, and you can see how much they love each other by the way they look at each other. now i believed and still believe aaron would never do anything to intentionally hurt samantha. now on to the story our friend group decided to go up to my families lake house last weekend when all of this occurred (all covid safe, we are first responders and work together. we have all been vaccinated, we were also the only ones there). this all started when we went out onto the lake. they were both laughing and samantha kept insisting she didn’t want to get in the lake. it didn’t really seem that serious they were both laughing and joking and kissing each other. then aaron started actually trying to get her in the lake, she joked about lake monsters, but then seriously said she couldn’t swim. i stepped in and told him to knock it off and that wasn’t funny anymore. he immediately listened. i thought that was it until i saw them walking on the pier, i saw aaron pretending to push her into the water, except she actually fell. i immediately jumped into the water and got her out. she wasn’t flailing around or screaming the way people normally notice drownings. she was just sinking to the bottom. i pulled her out and at this point aaron noticed she wasn’t joking. she was clinging to me tightly as i pulled her through the water. samantha was of course terrified and traumatized. she continued to cling to me till we got up to the pier and after we were safely on it. i refused to let aaron anywhere near her, even after started crying when she came to her senses. which made me angrier and made aaron feel even worse. i didn’t let aaron go near her even when we got her inside. he kept saying he thought she could swim because they have swam at the beach and in a swimming pool before. that’s when she told us she is genuinely terrified of lakes and swimming in them. so while she can swim, she cannot swim in a lake. which aaron had no idea of. they both went upstairs and talked and then they came back down she said she forgave him and he didn’t mean to hurt her. that is why i feel like the asshole, i kept aaron away from her in a time when she needed him to console her. basically during her most traumatizing time i kept her boyfriend away from her because i thought i was doing the right thing. so while i know aaron was definitely an asshole i’m just wondering whether i was one too for what i did. [/INST] nta your friend was an absolute idiot in that moment and pushed her boundaries, and you were looking out for her </s>
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AITA for babying my sister
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i’m (32f) my baby sister’s (14) legal guardian and have been for 4 years. my sister has autism, adhd, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, anxiety, and a list of other physical and mental disorders and is mentally an 8 year old.
when i became my sister’s guardian she didn’t know how to read and could only count to 20. she’s in the special ed program at her school and this is the first year where she’s not exclusively in special classes.
every day after school she goes to tutoring and after work i work with her on her reading, writing, and math. then every sunday as a reward for surviving the week i take her to build a bear and we get cheeseburgers and ice cream. we’ve been doing this for 3 years (except for the few months when the build a bear near us was closed but she’d still get a new stuffy and her cheeseburgers and ice cream) and she loves doing this and talks about it all the time.
she was talking to her aunt and her aunt asked if she wanted to sleep over on saturday. my sister said that she has to ask me but she’ll have to leave in the morning so we can go to build a bear.
her aunt asked what she means (my sister doesn’t talk to her aunt much) and my sister said that every sunday i take her to get ice cream and stuffies.
her aunt told my sister to give me the phone and asked me about our sunday tradition and i explained that it’s a little reward for her surviving the week and it gives her something to look forward to at the end of the week.
her aunt berated me for treating her like an 8 year old and said that i’m the reason why my sister “can’t grow up” (this is why my sister doesn’t have much contact with her aunt).
aita for “babying” my sister.
also: before anyone comments on the number of stuffies my sister has, we constantly go through her stuffies and donate whichever ones she doesn’t want anymore.
| 519 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nk6m2t/aita_for_babying_my_sister/
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2021-05-24 19:50:23
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nta. the ah in this instance is your aunt. keep doing what you're doing because it's obviously working.
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nta im a 19 year old with autism, adhd, and anxiety and honestly would love if someone took me out for ice cream at the end of the week. if your sister enjoys it then there’s no harm. i think this behavior of “oh that’s childish you can’t do that” is kinda toxic like go out and color in a coloring book and have stuffed animals you’ll have fun!
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nta - you are not babying your sister, you are positively reinforcing her work and the improvements she is making.
you are actively helping her to progress.
your aunt needs to take several seats and learn about the disabilities your sister has and how they affect her development.
i have dyspraxia and i wish i had had help with it as a child. keep on being a hero.
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nta.
your sister is mentally not at where other kids her age are. she cannot magically change that. because of that, she’s going to have to be treated like she’s mentally the age she is, now 8 years old, because that’s all the capacity she has to understand. the fact that her aunt thinks that she needs to just “grow up” is awful. she shouldn’t be around her if she thinks like that, honestly. it just shows that she can’t properly care for your sister’s needs.
regardless, there’s no limit on enjoying plushies and cheeseburgers and ice cream. i’m around your sister’s age. i still love all of those things very dearly. i’m a plushie collector, actually. having those days each week sounds like an absolute blessing. i would love that.
tell your aunt that she can fuck off.
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nta. as a person with dyslexia and knowing ppl with other disabilities. you are doing your best for her. your aunt is a massive ah. she clearly doesn’t know how disabilities work. you are good sister and a good person. i suggest you cut contact with that aunt she’s toxic
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nta. it is clear that under your care, your little sister is making good progress. if that progress involves stuffies and ice cream, good for you for finding a way to motivate her.
unless your aunt thinks she can do a better job?
it sounds like your sister is happy and healthy and making progress in school. you should be congratulated for helping her achieve this.
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nta, but your aunt sure is.
obviously your aunt does not understand mental illness, it is best to cut this person off as nothing they have to say will help improve your life or your sister's life. you do you op, you are an amazing sister.
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nta - my dad is autistic (not that everyone is the same, but i can relate on some level) and he needs this kind of routine. sure, my dad can be a bit "immature" by other people's standards (i like to call it child-like wonder and curiosity) at times, but it makes him happy and keeps him functioning. my dad watches a disney animated movie a few times a week on the same nights at the same time. it works for him and we are all happy!
explain to your aunt that taking away her routine will only make things worse, not better.
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nta at all, but i would caution to be careful about referring to your sister as 'an eight year old', even to yourself. that's not to downplay her mental disabilities or her interests which align more with most 8 year olds, just to remind you that she is not literally eight. she's a teenager with disabilities, and in a few years she'll be a grown woman with disabilities. you sound like a wonderful sister who is doing a great job, i'm just saying this because i've seen more than a few families get caught out by the 'they are mentally a child' thing when the adult with disabilities turns out not to be 'mentally a child' in all respects, making it awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved. it's so easily avoided, so i just thought i'd mention it. your sister is lucky to have you!
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nta - come on... you're an awesome sister, and she proves it to you by looking forward to your weekly tradition.
plus, i don't see this as "babying". adults that are close together do that kind of stuff too. maybe it is her aunt that has a problem with the whole "babying" situation, because all i can see is two sisters having having a nice weekly trip.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m (32f) my baby sister’s (14) legal guardian and have been for 4 years. my sister has autism, adhd, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, anxiety, and a list of other physical and mental disorders and is mentally an 8 year old. when i became my sister’s guardian she didn’t know how to read and could only count to 20. she’s in the special ed program at her school and this is the first year where she’s not exclusively in special classes. every day after school she goes to tutoring and after work i work with her on her reading, writing, and math. then every sunday as a reward for surviving the week i take her to build a bear and we get cheeseburgers and ice cream. we’ve been doing this for 3 years (except for the few months when the build a bear near us was closed but she’d still get a new stuffy and her cheeseburgers and ice cream) and she loves doing this and talks about it all the time. she was talking to her aunt and her aunt asked if she wanted to sleep over on saturday. my sister said that she has to ask me but she’ll have to leave in the morning so we can go to build a bear. her aunt asked what she means (my sister doesn’t talk to her aunt much) and my sister said that every sunday i take her to get ice cream and stuffies. her aunt told my sister to give me the phone and asked me about our sunday tradition and i explained that it’s a little reward for her surviving the week and it gives her something to look forward to at the end of the week. her aunt berated me for treating her like an 8 year old and said that i’m the reason why my sister “can’t grow up” (this is why my sister doesn’t have much contact with her aunt). aita for “babying” my sister. also: before anyone comments on the number of stuffies my sister has, we constantly go through her stuffies and donate whichever ones she doesn’t want anymore.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m (32f) my baby sister’s (14) legal guardian and have been for 4 years. my sister has autism, adhd, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, anxiety, and a list of other physical and mental disorders and is mentally an 8 year old. when i became my sister’s guardian she didn’t know how to read and could only count to 20. she’s in the special ed program at her school and this is the first year where she’s not exclusively in special classes. every day after school she goes to tutoring and after work i work with her on her reading, writing, and math. then every sunday as a reward for surviving the week i take her to build a bear and we get cheeseburgers and ice cream. we’ve been doing this for 3 years (except for the few months when the build a bear near us was closed but she’d still get a new stuffy and her cheeseburgers and ice cream) and she loves doing this and talks about it all the time. she was talking to her aunt and her aunt asked if she wanted to sleep over on saturday. my sister said that she has to ask me but she’ll have to leave in the morning so we can go to build a bear. her aunt asked what she means (my sister doesn’t talk to her aunt much) and my sister said that every sunday i take her to get ice cream and stuffies. her aunt told my sister to give me the phone and asked me about our sunday tradition and i explained that it’s a little reward for her surviving the week and it gives her something to look forward to at the end of the week. her aunt berated me for treating her like an 8 year old and said that i’m the reason why my sister “can’t grow up” (this is why my sister doesn’t have much contact with her aunt). aita for “babying” my sister. also: before anyone comments on the number of stuffies my sister has, we constantly go through her stuffies and donate whichever ones she doesn’t want anymore. [/INST] nta. the ah in this instance is your aunt. keep doing what you're doing because it's obviously working. </s>
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AITA For telling my SIL that my son telling hers santa isn't real isn't that big of a deal?
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we don't pretend santa is a real person - you know, celebrate saint nick, but thats it. christmas is still very magical for us all lol. now, my husbands sister is very santa oriented. incredibly so. he's the magical being.
now, our nephew has finally reached the stage in school where other kids are telling him santa isn't real. either because they don't believe or because its their religion - recently two students at his holiday club told him that santa was fake and it upset him pretty bad.
he came to my son and asked, who comfirmed his suspicions. my nephew asked further questions and my son answered to the best of his ability - which was pretty well, as we have explained it all to him.
nephew is heartbroken and quite angry and my sil for lying to him. lying is bad and all that. he's really bummed out. i feel a little bad, and my son has apologised for upsetting him, but in my opinion it was going to happen sooner or later. its not that big of a deal - kids are resilient.
still, she's quite angry and wants me to get my son to say he lied, instead of her, which i am against. she's telling me we've ruined his christmas.
i told her, as i thought, that it wasn't that big of a deal and he'd find out eventually. she can't lie to him forever.
she's pissed and has blocked me and insulted me to my husband, which i'm not bothered about. my husband is stuck in the middle and can see both sides. my mil is as annoyed as my sil, but she didn't agree with me not teaching my son about santa to begin with.
i just wondered what you all thought, really. am i the asshole?
| 175 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsnuhr/aita_for_telling_my_sil_that_my_son_telling_hers/
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2022-12-22 14:51:24
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nta- the cat was already out of the bag from the kid's schoolmates. as sad as she is for her son, it's completely unreasonable to try and change what's already happened with a lie.
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info: age matters here. can’t make a judgement without knowing hold old the kid who found out santa isn’t real is.
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santa isn’t fake. mythology is an idea. santa is an idea of love and kindness and generosity. an idea that reminds us of how magical love is. those things are intangible but they are real.
i grew up in a religion without christmas. my parents told us the truth but said everyone who knows the truth has a responsibility of kindness. they said some people need to believe in a tangible person to remind them of the intangible. we were taught that respecting others meant not lying but not using your version of the truth to bully people.
if you teach your kid a myth, you better have a plan for when they find out. and in the year of our lord 2022, there are too many sources of information for you to stop them from finding out. some people struggle with their kids finding out because they don’t want their kids to grow up too fast.
sil has a problem of her own making and she has to comfort her son and regain his trust. she can explain the lessons of santa to her son and help him adjust your son is not the one who brought it up and is nta.
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nta
what is wrong with your sil? listen, the santa myth is fine. it's for very young children, and mom can explain it's not a lie. it's a myth tradition meant to bring joy and wonder to christmas. santa is real in our hearts...yadda yadda.
but why is she making a huge deal out of him finding out?! kids tell other kids. the smart ones pretend they still believe for a few years in hopes of more presents, but by kindergarten, most kids figure this one out!
your husband isn't "in the middle." his obligation is to the family he made. a good man would step up and intervene. he needs to shut down his sister and families unreasonable demands that you force the child to lie.
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how old is the kid? either way definitely don’t have your kid say he lied. they’ll just make it worse if they do. nta
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nta
6 is young, but kudos to both kids for having that honest friendship where they can support each other with life questions.
your son did no wrong. if he was going round telling other kids, yes that’s an issue but he was approached.
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nta. your son was just being honest with his cousin who he cares about after boys from school had already shattered the illusion. i understand sister-in-law is upset but asking a family member to backtrack and lie to her son purposely is not the answer in my opinion. this is why i've always felt in my parenting that santa is a questionable thing yes it's magical when they're little but eventually they find out you've been fooling them since birth?! anyways since her son already heard it from multiple other sources i think she's just choosing to pick a fight with you because you're within arms reach.
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nta
it'd be different if you told him, but as you said, kids talk, and they have older siblings, so it always comes out at school, it really just depends on the age really.
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nta kid heard it from school first and not your kid. my mum is like your sil and is obsessed with the idea of santa. i’m autistic as well and i was 12 when my mum finally told me and was devastated because i had been getting bullied for years and i just couldn’t fathom being lied to for so long especially when it was affecting my wellbeing. my mum did the same thing to my sister who is also autistic and feels the exact same way i do. you’re kid is six, his cousin who is the same age asked a question. you’re kid was keeping it to himself until directly asked by the cousin. all the y t a comments claiming that your kid should have been able to articulate a complicated lie are wrong. personally i think santa is a creepy concept and hate the entire thing and don’t think you or your kid did anything wrong.
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nta. all kids that grew up believing these lies (because that's what it is) reach that point in their lives. she's just blaming you for something unavoidable.
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we don't pretend santa is a real person - you know, celebrate saint nick, but thats it. christmas is still very magical for us all lol. now, my husbands sister is very santa oriented. incredibly so. he's the magical being. now, our nephew has finally reached the stage in school where other kids are telling him santa isn't real. either because they don't believe or because its their religion - recently two students at his holiday club told him that santa was fake and it upset him pretty bad. he came to my son and asked, who comfirmed his suspicions. my nephew asked further questions and my son answered to the best of his ability - which was pretty well, as we have explained it all to him. nephew is heartbroken and quite angry and my sil for lying to him. lying is bad and all that. he's really bummed out. i feel a little bad, and my son has apologised for upsetting him, but in my opinion it was going to happen sooner or later. its not that big of a deal - kids are resilient. still, she's quite angry and wants me to get my son to say he lied, instead of her, which i am against. she's telling me we've ruined his christmas. i told her, as i thought, that it wasn't that big of a deal and he'd find out eventually. she can't lie to him forever. she's pissed and has blocked me and insulted me to my husband, which i'm not bothered about. my husband is stuck in the middle and can see both sides. my mil is as annoyed as my sil, but she didn't agree with me not teaching my son about santa to begin with. i just wondered what you all thought, really. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we don't pretend santa is a real person - you know, celebrate saint nick, but thats it. christmas is still very magical for us all lol. now, my husbands sister is very santa oriented. incredibly so. he's the magical being. now, our nephew has finally reached the stage in school where other kids are telling him santa isn't real. either because they don't believe or because its their religion - recently two students at his holiday club told him that santa was fake and it upset him pretty bad. he came to my son and asked, who comfirmed his suspicions. my nephew asked further questions and my son answered to the best of his ability - which was pretty well, as we have explained it all to him. nephew is heartbroken and quite angry and my sil for lying to him. lying is bad and all that. he's really bummed out. i feel a little bad, and my son has apologised for upsetting him, but in my opinion it was going to happen sooner or later. its not that big of a deal - kids are resilient. still, she's quite angry and wants me to get my son to say he lied, instead of her, which i am against. she's telling me we've ruined his christmas. i told her, as i thought, that it wasn't that big of a deal and he'd find out eventually. she can't lie to him forever. she's pissed and has blocked me and insulted me to my husband, which i'm not bothered about. my husband is stuck in the middle and can see both sides. my mil is as annoyed as my sil, but she didn't agree with me not teaching my son about santa to begin with. i just wondered what you all thought, really. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta- the cat was already out of the bag from the kid's schoolmates. as sad as she is for her son, it's completely unreasonable to try and change what's already happened with a lie. </s>
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AITA for not letting a stranger into an apartment complex?
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**the main issue:** okay. i was coming out of a luxury apartment complex in downtown san francisco. i had just used the call box myself successfully about 5 minutes ago to get in. as i'm leaving, a girl was trying to get in. she asked me to let her in, and i asked if she lived there. she said she was returning a key to her ex. i politely declined to let her in and shut the door behind me. she let out an exasperated "really?..!" and then went back to struggling to get in with the call box.
*other context/details:* the girl seemed to have been struggling out there for a little bit before i went out, and i noticed her still having difficulty for a minute or more as i got in my car and prepared to leave. i do think she ultimately got in. also, i'm a larger black guy and she's a petite white girl, in case you were curious. i've definitely been on the opposite side of the door, so to speak, so i'm not entirely unsympathetic to her position. maybe the guy she was supposed to meet wasn't there and missed her buzz. still, rules are rules. and if she was actually a crazy rando with no reason to be there, i'd hate to be responsible for letting her in.
| 190 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rxri18/aita_for_not_letting_a_stranger_into_an_apartment/
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2022-01-06 22:58:34
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nta
the call boxes are there for the safety and security of the residents.
you did the right thing by not letting her in.
hugs
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been there, done that to someone who was also pissed. nta
it's a safety issue. the people who live there thank you.
also...returning a key to her ex? then why doesn't she have the key or code to get in? her ex probably thanks you too
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nta. she could have been a stalker.
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nta. for all you know this was a stalking scenario. security's there for a reason, and good on you for using it.
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nta. never let anyone in, even if they say they live there. if they are supposed to be there, they will get in without your help.
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nta- piggy backing is a security no no. with some secure areas even if you know the other party you aren't supposed to let them piggy back. you should definitely never let a stranger piggy back.
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nta.
you made the right decision even if she felt inconvenienced. especially because she admitted she's an ex and you never know someone's intentions. chances are if she has a key, she would be able to get in. and if she had planned this exchange, someone would likely be answering the callbox. either way, not your problem and nta.
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nta... literally not your problem.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **the main issue:** okay. i was coming out of a luxury apartment complex in downtown san francisco. i had just used the call box myself successfully about 5 minutes ago to get in. as i'm leaving, a girl was trying to get in. she asked me to let her in, and i asked if she lived there. she said she was returning a key to her ex. i politely declined to let her in and shut the door behind me. she let out an exasperated "really?..!" and then went back to struggling to get in with the call box. *other context/details:* the girl seemed to have been struggling out there for a little bit before i went out, and i noticed her still having difficulty for a minute or more as i got in my car and prepared to leave. i do think she ultimately got in. also, i'm a larger black guy and she's a petite white girl, in case you were curious. i've definitely been on the opposite side of the door, so to speak, so i'm not entirely unsympathetic to her position. maybe the guy she was supposed to meet wasn't there and missed her buzz. still, rules are rules. and if she was actually a crazy rando with no reason to be there, i'd hate to be responsible for letting her in.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
**the main issue:** okay. i was coming out of a luxury apartment complex in downtown san francisco. i had just used the call box myself successfully about 5 minutes ago to get in. as i'm leaving, a girl was trying to get in. she asked me to let her in, and i asked if she lived there. she said she was returning a key to her ex. i politely declined to let her in and shut the door behind me. she let out an exasperated "really?..!" and then went back to struggling to get in with the call box. *other context/details:* the girl seemed to have been struggling out there for a little bit before i went out, and i noticed her still having difficulty for a minute or more as i got in my car and prepared to leave. i do think she ultimately got in. also, i'm a larger black guy and she's a petite white girl, in case you were curious. i've definitely been on the opposite side of the door, so to speak, so i'm not entirely unsympathetic to her position. maybe the guy she was supposed to meet wasn't there and missed her buzz. still, rules are rules. and if she was actually a crazy rando with no reason to be there, i'd hate to be responsible for letting her in. [/INST] nta the call boxes are there for the safety and security of the residents. you did the right thing by not letting her in. hugs </s>
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AITA for ordering jalapeños on my pizza intentionally to stop my wife eating it?
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first up, i love my wife very very very much but damn does she drive crazy sometimes. i’m a big dude, i’m 6’4 and i’m always goddamned hungry. i’m a firefighter so i’m always on my feet and simply put, i just love foooooood. my wife always eats stuff like salads and nuts but she will always help herself to some of my food which pisses me off because it’s just the right amount of food that i want to eat but she’ll go ahead and take some.
i’ve asked her so many times to leave my food alone and she’ll get really defensive and say ‘it’s just a little babe, you’ll be fine!’ except i’m not fine, i’m hungry. and then when i’m hungry i get hangry and i snap at everyone cuz i’m goddamned hungry!
things came to ahead at our kids 3rd birthday party. wife said no to cake, despite me bringing over a slice
to her, so i gave that slice to my cousins kid who was on his second slice. my girl ended up eating the whole slice whilst i held the goddamn plate and then when i went to get myself some all the cake had finished.
lately my mil gave me the idea to just spice my food to stop my wife from taking mine, since she can’t stand spicy food. i tried that yesterday, i ordered pizza and asked my wife if she wanted one. she said no. i went ahead and got pepperoni and jalapeños, and predictably when it came she came over and got all mad because it was spicy and she couldn’t eat it.
i told her i had to take drastic measures because i’m fed up of sharing my food and she called me a selfish asshole.
who’s ta here?
| 21,156 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c2ib5a/aita_for_ordering_jalapeños_on_my_pizza/
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2019-06-19 15:15:02
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nta - but you are a bit silly to have admitted why you got it spicy. why not just say you’ve taken a notion for spicy food lately? better yet, when you order food and ask her if she wants some - remind her that you will be ordering spicy for yourself. that way, if she really wants something, she will get her own order.
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nta - if she's saying no to food and then eating it anyway, she is in the wrong.
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nta, bordering on esh, but mostly because you took the step of asking her ahead of time if she wanted some. she made her bed here. i'd emphasize the asking part next time, rather than the drastic measures comment.
as an aside, though - this really seems like a more serious issue than just about food. you both have some bigger stuff to work on.
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nta - first of all, this is hilarious. you should look into a career in writing. but ultimately you've asked your wife not to eat your food, she explicitly says she doesn't want it, and then she takes your food. it's a classic dilemma, yes, but she's the asshole. this is a creative solution to that problem. if she wanted her own pizza, she should've let you order her a pizza. and, tbh, it sounds like she need to work on her relationship with food/eating.
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nta - my wife never wants fries, except whenever i have fries then she wants all the god damn fries.
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nta.
ya'll just seem adorable! i do the exact same thing! this post really triggered me to think about it. until now i've never given it a moment's thought.
when i first started reading this i had a moment of panic because i do the exact same thing your wife does to my husband and it made me wonder i was aggravating him. then when i got to the part where you told her it bothered you i was thinking "wait if it bothered jeff he would've told me."
i'm so bad about eating his food my sil sorta got on to me about it at a family function. i just flippedly said "he likes it."
but let me tell you why i eat his food. which until i read this had never accrued to me. there is an intimacy in it. a privilege that is mine and mine alone. no one else could walk up and take food off his plate. not our children or (older than toddler) grand babies. no one else in the whole wide world, just me. it's like having a private moment in public. like those times where you reach under the table to touch your wife's knee for no apparent reason other than to be affectionate. it feels affectionate. it feels almost intimate in some way.
my husband recently passed away so i can't ask him to collaborate my feelings or elaborate on his. i am fairly confident that if it bothered him he would've told me so. it's just a thing with us, last week he brought deli sandwiches home & our nephew (19 year old) was here visiting. i was in the other room & jeff called for me because he had unwrapped this sandwich. i walked over and took a bite and start to walk out the room and the nephew made the joke that he was like i was his taste tester and jeff said this way he never had to worry about being poisoned.
naturally i have no idea if your wife eating your food is similarly motivated but i think if it is, like me she probably has never thought about it it's just an involuntary "affection" which may explain why she kept doing it even after you told her it bothered you.
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til joey quit acting, got married and became a firefighter.
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nta: the fact that your wife said no to pizza and then get upset that she can't eat it just makes me think 'what the fuck'.
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joey doesnt share food
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nta.
completely understandable if a suicidal thing to do.
interesting that it was you mil that the you the idea. if her mother gave you the idea, it suggests that she had been doing this for ages and it used to infuriate her mother too???
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first up, i love my wife very very very much but damn does she drive crazy sometimes. i’m a big dude, i’m 6’4 and i’m always goddamned hungry. i’m a firefighter so i’m always on my feet and simply put, i just love foooooood. my wife always eats stuff like salads and nuts but she will always help herself to some of my food which pisses me off because it’s just the right amount of food that i want to eat but she’ll go ahead and take some. i’ve asked her so many times to leave my food alone and she’ll get really defensive and say ‘it’s just a little babe, you’ll be fine!’ except i’m not fine, i’m hungry. and then when i’m hungry i get hangry and i snap at everyone cuz i’m goddamned hungry! things came to ahead at our kids 3rd birthday party. wife said no to cake, despite me bringing over a slice to her, so i gave that slice to my cousins kid who was on his second slice. my girl ended up eating the whole slice whilst i held the goddamn plate and then when i went to get myself some all the cake had finished. lately my mil gave me the idea to just spice my food to stop my wife from taking mine, since she can’t stand spicy food. i tried that yesterday, i ordered pizza and asked my wife if she wanted one. she said no. i went ahead and got pepperoni and jalapeños, and predictably when it came she came over and got all mad because it was spicy and she couldn’t eat it. i told her i had to take drastic measures because i’m fed up of sharing my food and she called me a selfish asshole. who’s ta here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first up, i love my wife very very very much but damn does she drive crazy sometimes. i’m a big dude, i’m 6’4 and i’m always goddamned hungry. i’m a firefighter so i’m always on my feet and simply put, i just love foooooood. my wife always eats stuff like salads and nuts but she will always help herself to some of my food which pisses me off because it’s just the right amount of food that i want to eat but she’ll go ahead and take some. i’ve asked her so many times to leave my food alone and she’ll get really defensive and say ‘it’s just a little babe, you’ll be fine!’ except i’m not fine, i’m hungry. and then when i’m hungry i get hangry and i snap at everyone cuz i’m goddamned hungry! things came to ahead at our kids 3rd birthday party. wife said no to cake, despite me bringing over a slice to her, so i gave that slice to my cousins kid who was on his second slice. my girl ended up eating the whole slice whilst i held the goddamn plate and then when i went to get myself some all the cake had finished. lately my mil gave me the idea to just spice my food to stop my wife from taking mine, since she can’t stand spicy food. i tried that yesterday, i ordered pizza and asked my wife if she wanted one. she said no. i went ahead and got pepperoni and jalapeños, and predictably when it came she came over and got all mad because it was spicy and she couldn’t eat it. i told her i had to take drastic measures because i’m fed up of sharing my food and she called me a selfish asshole. who’s ta here? [/INST] nta - but you are a bit silly to have admitted why you got it spicy. why not just say you’ve taken a notion for spicy food lately? better yet, when you order food and ask her if she wants some - remind her that you will be ordering spicy for yourself. that way, if she really wants something, she will get her own order. </s>
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AITA for putting my son in his room so I could lay down for half an hour
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so, i (35f) put my son (2.5) into his room this morning because he sleeps with me at night but was up from 6am today. i haven't been feeling well with bad sinuses, just started my period and was up half the night with a nose bleed. my son however was wide awake because his father (43m) gave him melatonin yesterday for unknown reasons (son sleeps through the night perfectly) so he woke up early after a night of heavy sleep.
his father & i aren't together & so he has his own room in my house. i put son into his own room at 7 & just wanted to lay down for half an hour without a child climbing on my cramping ovaries. this of course meant "mommy mommy mommy daddy mommy daddy daddy daddy hello mommy" which is normal because i put him in his room almost every morning for me to get ready, his father just isn't normally there bc of work or its not this early. so of course his father comes into my room with 1000 questions, i call it the insert name inquisition when he does this because they're stupid questions & he repeats them after i've answered them.
"why aren't you up, why is he in his room, what's going on, what are you doing, is it your stomach? your throat? your head? are you going to work? why are you tired? what time did you go to bed?"
i had already told him "im not feeling great and i just want 30 min to lay down, son is fine just please leave me alone for 30 min. omg stop talking i just want 30 min please!"
not 10 min later he was back in my room bouncing my bed asking me the exact same questions because son was talking to him.
i admit i yelled at him, saying "dude i just wanted 30 min to lay down just leave me alone leave me alone!"
so he got son dressed for daycare, then brought son into my room for me to deal with. it hadn't even been half an hour yet, i've told him not to bring son into my room like that because it means i have to deal with putting him back into his room while i get ready or having him running around while i'm getting ready (my office is connected to my room and is currently housing son's easter treats). so now i'm not ready, i'm pissed because i couldn't just get 30 min, son is screaming, just because father couldn't leave it alone & lounge in his room ignoring son who was fine playing with a car saying our names.
now father is pissed at me, ignoring my calls when i need him at work (he works for me), he was supposed to take his car in for a service under my name & just didn't, i've been waiting to find out when to pick him up & now i'm late to my first hair appointment in 2 years because he doesn't care.
so aita for letting son wake his father up & then yelling at him for not leaving me alone when i just asked for 30min?
| 504 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/txn6u2/aita_for_putting_my_son_in_his_room_so_i_could/
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2022-04-06 14:16:39
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nta. but why is he still in your house if you're not together? sounds like he's adding stress to your situation and can't really deal with your son at all on his own so is there any point for him to be here at all?
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nta and wtf is going on in your household? you’re entitled to 30 minutes alone.
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so your child’s father stays in your house in his own room and works for you? sounds like your a single mom of two boys
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nta - all parents need time for themselves once in a while, and your son will be fine playing in his room.
if you don't mind me saying though, maybe you need to consider not letting your ex live with you and barge in to your room any time he wants to. i think the bigger problem here is setting boundaries.
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who the fuck does your ex think he is exactly? you’re his boss, he lives in your house, and he’s trying to manipulate and control your behavior? hell no. you did nothing wrong. if anything, he caused part of the issue by giving your son melatonin. was that something you were aware of and agreed to let happen? he wants to throw a fit and throw his weight around like that; he’d find himself out of a job and out of my house real quick. no wonder why he’s your ex. nta
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esh.
if ya'll going to continue this (i get anxiety just reading it) situation where you're not together, but still live under the same roof... you needed to get your fucking communication in order before making that genius decision.
make no mistake, you're allowed a break, i'm sure your son is perfectly content for 30 minutes playing in his room. but this whole thing is stressful cause no one can communicate properly or understands what the other spouse does when the other spouse isn't present. what's the point of co-parenting under the same roof, if you're not going to be on the same universe, let alone the same page.
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esh. your ex being your employee who lives with you is a weird, unsustainable situation.
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nta. time for baby daddy to find his own place and start paying child support.
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nta. i'd be enraged by his behavior.
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your son sounds like a ball you both play throw and catch
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, i (35f) put my son (2.5) into his room this morning because he sleeps with me at night but was up from 6am today. i haven't been feeling well with bad sinuses, just started my period and was up half the night with a nose bleed. my son however was wide awake because his father (43m) gave him melatonin yesterday for unknown reasons (son sleeps through the night perfectly) so he woke up early after a night of heavy sleep. his father & i aren't together & so he has his own room in my house. i put son into his own room at 7 & just wanted to lay down for half an hour without a child climbing on my cramping ovaries. this of course meant "mommy mommy mommy daddy mommy daddy daddy daddy hello mommy" which is normal because i put him in his room almost every morning for me to get ready, his father just isn't normally there bc of work or its not this early. so of course his father comes into my room with 1000 questions, i call it the insert name inquisition when he does this because they're stupid questions & he repeats them after i've answered them. "why aren't you up, why is he in his room, what's going on, what are you doing, is it your stomach? your throat? your head? are you going to work? why are you tired? what time did you go to bed?" i had already told him "im not feeling great and i just want 30 min to lay down, son is fine just please leave me alone for 30 min. omg stop talking i just want 30 min please!" not 10 min later he was back in my room bouncing my bed asking me the exact same questions because son was talking to him. i admit i yelled at him, saying "dude i just wanted 30 min to lay down just leave me alone leave me alone!" so he got son dressed for daycare, then brought son into my room for me to deal with. it hadn't even been half an hour yet, i've told him not to bring son into my room like that because it means i have to deal with putting him back into his room while i get ready or having him running around while i'm getting ready (my office is connected to my room and is currently housing son's easter treats). so now i'm not ready, i'm pissed because i couldn't just get 30 min, son is screaming, just because father couldn't leave it alone & lounge in his room ignoring son who was fine playing with a car saying our names. now father is pissed at me, ignoring my calls when i need him at work (he works for me), he was supposed to take his car in for a service under my name & just didn't, i've been waiting to find out when to pick him up & now i'm late to my first hair appointment in 2 years because he doesn't care. so aita for letting son wake his father up & then yelling at him for not leaving me alone when i just asked for 30min?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, i (35f) put my son (2.5) into his room this morning because he sleeps with me at night but was up from 6am today. i haven't been feeling well with bad sinuses, just started my period and was up half the night with a nose bleed. my son however was wide awake because his father (43m) gave him melatonin yesterday for unknown reasons (son sleeps through the night perfectly) so he woke up early after a night of heavy sleep. his father & i aren't together & so he has his own room in my house. i put son into his own room at 7 & just wanted to lay down for half an hour without a child climbing on my cramping ovaries. this of course meant "mommy mommy mommy daddy mommy daddy daddy daddy hello mommy" which is normal because i put him in his room almost every morning for me to get ready, his father just isn't normally there bc of work or its not this early. so of course his father comes into my room with 1000 questions, i call it the insert name inquisition when he does this because they're stupid questions & he repeats them after i've answered them. "why aren't you up, why is he in his room, what's going on, what are you doing, is it your stomach? your throat? your head? are you going to work? why are you tired? what time did you go to bed?" i had already told him "im not feeling great and i just want 30 min to lay down, son is fine just please leave me alone for 30 min. omg stop talking i just want 30 min please!" not 10 min later he was back in my room bouncing my bed asking me the exact same questions because son was talking to him. i admit i yelled at him, saying "dude i just wanted 30 min to lay down just leave me alone leave me alone!" so he got son dressed for daycare, then brought son into my room for me to deal with. it hadn't even been half an hour yet, i've told him not to bring son into my room like that because it means i have to deal with putting him back into his room while i get ready or having him running around while i'm getting ready (my office is connected to my room and is currently housing son's easter treats). so now i'm not ready, i'm pissed because i couldn't just get 30 min, son is screaming, just because father couldn't leave it alone & lounge in his room ignoring son who was fine playing with a car saying our names. now father is pissed at me, ignoring my calls when i need him at work (he works for me), he was supposed to take his car in for a service under my name & just didn't, i've been waiting to find out when to pick him up & now i'm late to my first hair appointment in 2 years because he doesn't care. so aita for letting son wake his father up & then yelling at him for not leaving me alone when i just asked for 30min? [/INST] nta. but why is he still in your house if you're not together? sounds like he's adding stress to your situation and can't really deal with your son at all on his own so is there any point for him to be here at all? </s>
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AITA for asking my uncle to move out of my house?
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18 months ago, my uncle was injured. he had surgery and they removed half his foot. it’s been a long recovery but finally it’s healed and they are talking about prosthetics.
when he was injured, i found out he was basically homeless and invited him to live with my family during his recovery. we have a 2 bedroom townhome. it’s 3 levels. on top of that we brought his 2 very large dogs to live with us too. it’s been complicated to make this work. he’s been living on the lower level and we’ve been crammed into the 2 bedrooms upstairs. honestly, my house isn’t big enough for 3 adults, 2 kids and 2 large dogs but we’ve managed.
i was going to wait until after he got the prosthetic to ask him to find his own place but i got frustrated the other day. he refuses to acknowledge our concerns with his dogs. (one of them snapped at my 3 year old and the other isn’t totally housebroken). he also keeps talking about still living with us when my kids are much older. he bought a year old car and locked himself into a high repayment plan. i’m just really frustrated with the whole situation.
so i asked him to start looking for his own place. i was very clear that i didn’t want him to pick the first place and he should take his time to find what will work for him. i even suggested housing programs for people with disabilities. or moving to tennessee to live near our family. he’d be able to afford his own home and keep his dogs with him there.
since then, he refuses to speak to me. he’s refused to join us for meals and will not come upstairs if i’m home. today, i asked if he wanted me to scrap snow off his car and he refused to even look at me. i know he could see me and nothing.
so, am i the asshole for wanting my home back? do i owe him an apology?
| 242 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kyaxbh/aita_for_asking_my_uncle_to_move_out_of_my_house/
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2021-01-16 03:26:02
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nta, your uncle has taken advantage of your hospitality for long enough. hand him a copy of rental listings and tell him the silent treatment isn’t going to work, you will take his dogs to the pound if they threaten your child’s safety and it is not your fault he got a car with a high payment and that you refuse to be taken advantage of. no arguments. on your side, research squatters rights and find out what legal requirements you may have to follow prior to evicting him.
good luck.
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nta
you didn't plan on him living with you for the long haul. it was a short term assistance in your mind.
plus, having a dog that snapped at your child and a dog that can't reliably go out? dead stop there. not having it. particularly around the kid.
definitely nta
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that's a big fat nta.
it sounds like even after you became fed up, you've still remained polite and have provided him time to leave on his terms.
idk why he thinks that it's appropriate to sulk like a little kid instead of being grateful that you've given him this much time.
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nta. it sounds like you put up with quite a lot from your uncle. and you were very accommodating of his two dogs.
you mistake was not laying out the temporary housing situation plan up front.
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nta
unless your uncle's behavior is driven by a mental illness, there's no justification for his behavior.
i assume that he's not been contributing financially. he has likely become accustomed to his free ride, and is angry at the fact that it's ending.
no part of this is your problem. it was kind of you to take him in, but there's a reason he was "practically homeless", and my guess is that his current behavior is a reflection of that.
this man is an adult, and you are not responsible for him. but you are responsible for your family's health, safety and financial well-being. your uncle threatens all of that. his dogs are a potential threat to your kids, his presence is a threat to your family's emotional stability, his lack of responsibility pose a health risk, and cause damage to your property.
seriously, enough is enough.
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nta, have you other family that could assist here? certainly you shouldn't be paying for someone to live with you who won't acknowledge your existence.
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> one of them snapped at my 3 year old
nta. that's as far as i needed to read to decide, although i did read the whole thing. you do what you need to do to keep your kids safe.
> do i owe him an apology?
absolutely not. you've done a great thing helping him out, and unfortunately he's repaying you by being an absolute jerk.
i suggest you look into the rules about eviction in your state. you may need to be familiar with them. given his attitude towards your hospitality, i would not lose sleep over evicting him.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 18 months ago, my uncle was injured. he had surgery and they removed half his foot. it’s been a long recovery but finally it’s healed and they are talking about prosthetics. when he was injured, i found out he was basically homeless and invited him to live with my family during his recovery. we have a 2 bedroom townhome. it’s 3 levels. on top of that we brought his 2 very large dogs to live with us too. it’s been complicated to make this work. he’s been living on the lower level and we’ve been crammed into the 2 bedrooms upstairs. honestly, my house isn’t big enough for 3 adults, 2 kids and 2 large dogs but we’ve managed. i was going to wait until after he got the prosthetic to ask him to find his own place but i got frustrated the other day. he refuses to acknowledge our concerns with his dogs. (one of them snapped at my 3 year old and the other isn’t totally housebroken). he also keeps talking about still living with us when my kids are much older. he bought a year old car and locked himself into a high repayment plan. i’m just really frustrated with the whole situation. so i asked him to start looking for his own place. i was very clear that i didn’t want him to pick the first place and he should take his time to find what will work for him. i even suggested housing programs for people with disabilities. or moving to tennessee to live near our family. he’d be able to afford his own home and keep his dogs with him there. since then, he refuses to speak to me. he’s refused to join us for meals and will not come upstairs if i’m home. today, i asked if he wanted me to scrap snow off his car and he refused to even look at me. i know he could see me and nothing. so, am i the asshole for wanting my home back? do i owe him an apology?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
18 months ago, my uncle was injured. he had surgery and they removed half his foot. it’s been a long recovery but finally it’s healed and they are talking about prosthetics. when he was injured, i found out he was basically homeless and invited him to live with my family during his recovery. we have a 2 bedroom townhome. it’s 3 levels. on top of that we brought his 2 very large dogs to live with us too. it’s been complicated to make this work. he’s been living on the lower level and we’ve been crammed into the 2 bedrooms upstairs. honestly, my house isn’t big enough for 3 adults, 2 kids and 2 large dogs but we’ve managed. i was going to wait until after he got the prosthetic to ask him to find his own place but i got frustrated the other day. he refuses to acknowledge our concerns with his dogs. (one of them snapped at my 3 year old and the other isn’t totally housebroken). he also keeps talking about still living with us when my kids are much older. he bought a year old car and locked himself into a high repayment plan. i’m just really frustrated with the whole situation. so i asked him to start looking for his own place. i was very clear that i didn’t want him to pick the first place and he should take his time to find what will work for him. i even suggested housing programs for people with disabilities. or moving to tennessee to live near our family. he’d be able to afford his own home and keep his dogs with him there. since then, he refuses to speak to me. he’s refused to join us for meals and will not come upstairs if i’m home. today, i asked if he wanted me to scrap snow off his car and he refused to even look at me. i know he could see me and nothing. so, am i the asshole for wanting my home back? do i owe him an apology? [/INST] nta, your uncle has taken advantage of your hospitality for long enough. hand him a copy of rental listings and tell him the silent treatment isn’t going to work, you will take his dogs to the pound if they threaten your child’s safety and it is not your fault he got a car with a high payment and that you refuse to be taken advantage of. no arguments. on your side, research squatters rights and find out what legal requirements you may have to follow prior to evicting him. good luck. </s>
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AITA for telling my 4y/o Sister I don't care her dad died?
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okay, so i have a four year old (half) sister and three year (half) old brother. about three years ago, i moved in with my mother because my dad had lost his house due to a divorce.
not long after i moved with my mother, we had been homeless, due to my step dad's drug problem. we had been homeless for five months, much of the time i lived with my best friend.
well, we finally got a place, and for the same reasons, we had lost the apartment again. before we had been kicked out, though, my mother sent him to california for rehab (we live on the east coast)
well, we got yet another apartment in basically the ghetto. we've been living here since, and he had been gone for a almost two years, only came by christmas, which he stole money and went back to california for the girls he cheated on my mom with.
he called twice after that, my sister's birthday and thanks giving. by thanks giving, my siblings didn't even recognize him.
now, four months ago. he died of a heroin overdose in december.
my siblings never asked about him or cared before then, but since his death my mom had been acting like he was the best father to them, giving them a picture book of him, basically giving him a golden light. despite the physical, mental, and financial abuse that had gone on the entire eight years they'd been together.
since this, every time my sister is told to do something (clean, eat, go to sleep, etc) she cries that "she misses her daddy". every time she does, my mom caters her and let's her get away and do whatever she wants. the kids are getting more and more out and hand, bratty and entitled.
i told her today that the excuses won't work on me, i'm not her mother. i don't care if she misses him, and she needs to clean up her room.
tldr: abusive dad the kids didn't even remember died of an overdose, they use it as an excuse to get away with everything, i finally told them i don't care and it's not an excuse.
aita?
| 274 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/baz392/aita_for_telling_my_4yo_sister_i_dont_care_her/
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2019-04-08 21:00:19
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yta.
she’s four.
jesus.
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yta. the kid is 4 years old. even if she was using that as a ploy to get out of doing stuff (which i doubt), you could’ve handled that way better. take away an item before she cleans her room, help her clean it up etc. she’s a child and you just told her you don’t care her dad died. you’re a complete asshole.
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yta. you're right to be angry. you're justified to hate the person. the trauma you can cause a four year old by doing that can extend in ways you cannot yet understand. if your sister is more important to you than yourself, at least consider that, and focus on being there for her, rather than scarring her for life. seriously. un-fuck yourself. i buried my father when i was a lot older than her, and it still hurts.
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"a four year old child misses their recently deceased father and i told them that i don't care, aita?"
&#x200b;
yta.
&#x200b;
god damn.
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op - i saw your edit. try /r/relationships, there are others too. it sounds like an unhealthy situation to everyone. you should be seeking resources to help you/your siblings if you are living in a neglectful situation. that is not your fault, and i can empathize for you. as someone who grew up in a horribly abusive situation, and is now a father myself, i can tell you that it's pretty likely that you and your siblings could use someone to talk to, for starters. i know it sounds scary, but cps exists for a reason if you are worried that your siblings are being harmed by their circumstances.
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hey, kid, after forty someodd comments, i think maybe it's time someone said something nice to you. nobody's perfect. you're just doing your best. just try to have some patience with the kid; i understand that you're trying to raise her right and letting her get her way all the time because her dad died isn't good for her. that being said, try to be sensitive about the fact that her dad died. even when an absentee parent dies, it really sucks for their kids.
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yta and i didn't even have to read your post to know this.
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begrudgingly nta
while i want to say outright you're ta since i couldn't imagine any scenario that this title would not be that, i don't think it's healthy for your sister to use that as an excuse and your mother to repeatedly accept it, especially four months out from his death. you probably shouldn't be the person to stop her from using the excuse, but if your mother isn't doing it sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.
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nta that man was a waste of sperm
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esh
the title is far worse than your explanation of it though. a 4 year old cannot understand the social dynamic and issues. she just knows her father is gone.
your mother isn't helping this and reinforcing bad coping mechanisms. going to "i dont care he's dead" isn't a good way to help your sisters be less bratty. help them process their emotions. empathize with them and realize your mother is influencing this behavior. your mother herself has some issues to figure out, but that can happen with abusive relationships.
if you want to help your sister, use your time and accessibility to internet to learn how to help children process grief.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.267517 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, so i have a four year old (half) sister and three year (half) old brother. about three years ago, i moved in with my mother because my dad had lost his house due to a divorce. not long after i moved with my mother, we had been homeless, due to my step dad's drug problem. we had been homeless for five months, much of the time i lived with my best friend. well, we finally got a place, and for the same reasons, we had lost the apartment again. before we had been kicked out, though, my mother sent him to california for rehab (we live on the east coast) well, we got yet another apartment in basically the ghetto. we've been living here since, and he had been gone for a almost two years, only came by christmas, which he stole money and went back to california for the girls he cheated on my mom with. he called twice after that, my sister's birthday and thanks giving. by thanks giving, my siblings didn't even recognize him. now, four months ago. he died of a heroin overdose in december. my siblings never asked about him or cared before then, but since his death my mom had been acting like he was the best father to them, giving them a picture book of him, basically giving him a golden light. despite the physical, mental, and financial abuse that had gone on the entire eight years they'd been together. since this, every time my sister is told to do something (clean, eat, go to sleep, etc) she cries that "she misses her daddy". every time she does, my mom caters her and let's her get away and do whatever she wants. the kids are getting more and more out and hand, bratty and entitled. i told her today that the excuses won't work on me, i'm not her mother. i don't care if she misses him, and she needs to clean up her room. tldr: abusive dad the kids didn't even remember died of an overdose, they use it as an excuse to get away with everything, i finally told them i don't care and it's not an excuse. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, so i have a four year old (half) sister and three year (half) old brother. about three years ago, i moved in with my mother because my dad had lost his house due to a divorce. not long after i moved with my mother, we had been homeless, due to my step dad's drug problem. we had been homeless for five months, much of the time i lived with my best friend. well, we finally got a place, and for the same reasons, we had lost the apartment again. before we had been kicked out, though, my mother sent him to california for rehab (we live on the east coast) well, we got yet another apartment in basically the ghetto. we've been living here since, and he had been gone for a almost two years, only came by christmas, which he stole money and went back to california for the girls he cheated on my mom with. he called twice after that, my sister's birthday and thanks giving. by thanks giving, my siblings didn't even recognize him. now, four months ago. he died of a heroin overdose in december. my siblings never asked about him or cared before then, but since his death my mom had been acting like he was the best father to them, giving them a picture book of him, basically giving him a golden light. despite the physical, mental, and financial abuse that had gone on the entire eight years they'd been together. since this, every time my sister is told to do something (clean, eat, go to sleep, etc) she cries that "she misses her daddy". every time she does, my mom caters her and let's her get away and do whatever she wants. the kids are getting more and more out and hand, bratty and entitled. i told her today that the excuses won't work on me, i'm not her mother. i don't care if she misses him, and she needs to clean up her room. tldr: abusive dad the kids didn't even remember died of an overdose, they use it as an excuse to get away with everything, i finally told them i don't care and it's not an excuse. aita? [/INST] yta. she’s four. jesus. </s>
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AITA For shouting at my brother and his kids (age 8 and 14)?
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to tell you the truth, i dread them coming over because they terrorize my brother (9) and dog. not in obvious ways, but they'll all be on a game and then the two of the them team up against him, not sharing my brothers own toys, getting my brother in trouble by getting him to shout words he shouldn't, like "nigger" and "faggot" not only that they mess up his room, get him to do shit he shouldn't be doing like jumping off his bed and calling him a pussy when he doesn't.
now on to what they do to my dog. my dog is a 85lb/38kg german shepherd who is 3 years old. they'll pull his tail, put their hands all over his face and mouth and also run on our wooden flooring to make my dog slide into the wall as he thinks its a game. my dog isn't aggressive at all to children and is very tolerant, but last week i saw my dog's hair going up as the younger one who was being egged on by the 14 year old told him to pull my dog's back leg. now german shepherds tend to get bad back legs and my dog doesn't like his leg's being touched. he basically almost snapped at him and his dad called the dog a mutt.
this is where i stand up and fucking shout at the kids calling out the dad (my brother) for being totally oblivious to his gremlin of children and that they are the way they are because he can't get off his fat fucking ass and see how much of little cunts they are. i eventually tell them to fuck off and never come back into our house again.
&#x200b;
| 654 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bau92r/aita_for_shouting_at_my_brother_and_his_kids_age/
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2019-04-08 14:09:24
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nta. shit kids and shit parenting
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nta.
if your brother can't be fucked to basically parent his kids not to be little shits toward other living beings, then you have every right to kick them out.
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nta your brother is being incredibly irresponsible as a parent and raising monster children. you're totally right to protect your dog and the 9 yo.
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nta if anything you're preventing a huge disaster when your dog finally has had enough and bites one of them. also, your little brother is clearly being picked on in his own home, a place where he should feel safe.
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[deleted]
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nta. the brother is a piece of shit for not raising his children, and the kids are old enough to know better. you did the right thing by protecting the 9 yo and your dog. your home, your rules. i wouldn't even try to patch things up with the older brother or invite them over again. let them improve their shitshow and ask forgiveness.
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[deleted]
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nta.
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nta. fuck that. you’re gonna end up putting your dog down for their jackassery. they need to stay out of your house period.
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nta. better to be shouted at than to get your face bitten off by a huge dog. if i were you i'd stick to what you said and not let them back over. your poor dog could end up paying the price and being euthanized if he bites.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to tell you the truth, i dread them coming over because they terrorize my brother (9) and dog. not in obvious ways, but they'll all be on a game and then the two of the them team up against him, not sharing my brothers own toys, getting my brother in trouble by getting him to shout words he shouldn't, like "nigger" and "faggot" not only that they mess up his room, get him to do shit he shouldn't be doing like jumping off his bed and calling him a pussy when he doesn't. now on to what they do to my dog. my dog is a 85lb/38kg german shepherd who is 3 years old. they'll pull his tail, put their hands all over his face and mouth and also run on our wooden flooring to make my dog slide into the wall as he thinks its a game. my dog isn't aggressive at all to children and is very tolerant, but last week i saw my dog's hair going up as the younger one who was being egged on by the 14 year old told him to pull my dog's back leg. now german shepherds tend to get bad back legs and my dog doesn't like his leg's being touched. he basically almost snapped at him and his dad called the dog a mutt. this is where i stand up and fucking shout at the kids calling out the dad (my brother) for being totally oblivious to his gremlin of children and that they are the way they are because he can't get off his fat fucking ass and see how much of little cunts they are. i eventually tell them to fuck off and never come back into our house again. &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to tell you the truth, i dread them coming over because they terrorize my brother (9) and dog. not in obvious ways, but they'll all be on a game and then the two of the them team up against him, not sharing my brothers own toys, getting my brother in trouble by getting him to shout words he shouldn't, like "nigger" and "faggot" not only that they mess up his room, get him to do shit he shouldn't be doing like jumping off his bed and calling him a pussy when he doesn't. now on to what they do to my dog. my dog is a 85lb/38kg german shepherd who is 3 years old. they'll pull his tail, put their hands all over his face and mouth and also run on our wooden flooring to make my dog slide into the wall as he thinks its a game. my dog isn't aggressive at all to children and is very tolerant, but last week i saw my dog's hair going up as the younger one who was being egged on by the 14 year old told him to pull my dog's back leg. now german shepherds tend to get bad back legs and my dog doesn't like his leg's being touched. he basically almost snapped at him and his dad called the dog a mutt. this is where i stand up and fucking shout at the kids calling out the dad (my brother) for being totally oblivious to his gremlin of children and that they are the way they are because he can't get off his fat fucking ass and see how much of little cunts they are. i eventually tell them to fuck off and never come back into our house again. &#x200b; [/INST] nta. shit kids and shit parenting </s>
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AITA for refusing to host my son's wedding?
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my ex and i have four boys. married at 21. our youngest was the surprise baby and is five years younger than the next youngest kid. he has always tried to compete with his older brothers who excelled in sports and school, but couldn't because he was smaller and had a learning disability so he has a bit of an inferior complex i think. he was the hardest to raise. when he was 16, his mom and i fell in love with other people and divorced. she and i are friends and we see each other often. there are no hard feelings.
our son had no plans after high school except to pursue his "art." my and ex and i agreed to allow him to let him take a gap year and he could stay at either of our house. but then it's either working or college. after that year, he decides to bum off my ex's parents. he was completely estranged from us during that year. we suspected he was getting into drugs and convinced them to kick him out. he lived in a van or six months. we helped him get a minimum wage job and he currently lives with his mom and her new husband. my son is almost 21.
all of a sudden, my son announces he is getting married to some girl he met. she is a bigger trainwreck than he is. i asked if she was pregnant and my son no but they want to have kids. my other three sons married and started families early but they were prepared and mature enough. they also support their own families. my son is not ready for this move. my ex is allowing them both to live with her mainly because my son's girlfriend has no family and no where to go. she doesn't support their getting married but won't stop it.
my son and this girl cannot afford a wedding so they asked to have one on my beach properties. i refused and i am public enemy number one. for the first time in years, i am fighting with my ex over it. she thinks we should just let him crash on their own so he doesn't blame anyone but himself. our other sons think the whole thing is a joke.
&#x200b;
| 2,225 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elbslx/aita_for_refusing_to_host_my_sons_wedding/
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2020-01-07 13:49:52
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yta... dude. if you don’t wanna host the wedding, fine. but this entire post kinda just... sh*ts on him. maybe it’s possible that he “turned out this way” on some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. as a young adult, i can tell you it’s really hard to succeed when it feels like your family doesn’t believe in you.
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yta.
holy shit. you're a terrible parent.
> his "art"
dismissive af
> convinced them to kick him out. he lived in a van
you intentionally tried to make your son, who you admit has a learning disability, *homeless* at effing 19??! what the actual shit is wrong with you?
> we helped him get a minimum wage job
getting someone a minimum wage job is not helping them. it's sabotaging them. he'd be better off still in the van working on his art.
> my son my son my son
sounds like you're trying to control him and live vicariously through him, but only in ways you want him to act.
> one of my beach properties
wow. okay. so you have multiple beach properties but still made your son homeless, and refuse to let him use one for the wedding for a weekend? hell, offer a discount or at cost. also... did you host his siblings' weddings? or help them out financially? i'm betting the answer is "yes".
you're an asshole. not just for the main question, but for all the other ones as well.
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yta, and so are your other kids.
the attitude you've displayed here... no wonder the kid turned out a train wreck. unstable family life, a father who blatantly considers him to be inferior and who won't spare a few hours of their time to help their son with their wedding?
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yta - i cant imagine ever talking about my son the way you’re talking about yours. it just seems like you don’t even like him. he is an adult. he is your child. he’s getting married. support it, host it, love him. stop being an ass.
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nta.
it’s incredibly hard to watch someone you love making huge mistakes and it’s really tempting to cave in to loved ones demands but if you’re sure this is a disaster waiting to happen it’s not the loving thing to do to support it, especially considering your sons age.
however you have to accept that this will damage that relationship further, if that’s possible, and every one of these wedges makes it harder to reconcile in the future.
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i understand that you might think their marriage is a bad idea and it does sound it slightly to me, and you’re obviously under no obligation to host anyone. however what’s swaying me a bit is i agree with your ex that he has to make his own mistakes, and i’m also quite put off by the tone throughout this post which frankly sounds a bit like you actively resent or dislike him. i think i would weigh up what the loss would be to you personally to do this. i get why you are hesitant but i would say you should oblige them tbh:
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info: are you okay with not having your youngest son be in your life? because, this might be the result of that.
> she thinks we should just let him crash on their own so he doesn't blame anyone but himself.
she's not wrong.
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yta. you said your son was a mistake baby, and apparently you've always treated him as such.
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nta, but reddit will shit on you because you are wealthy and successful, and have some successful children and one failure. everyone calling you ta is along the same vein of “he’s your child of course you should support his downward spiral”. that’s not true. you push your kid to be the best me can be, and if he fails, that’s on him. he didn’t want to go to school. he didn’t want to start a career. he barely works the job you found him. these are all issues with him, not you. tbh, he has no business getting married, and you’re right to not support it.
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nta. he needs to get his life together. don't encourage such behavior. he is not ready to start a family.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.554272 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex and i have four boys. married at 21. our youngest was the surprise baby and is five years younger than the next youngest kid. he has always tried to compete with his older brothers who excelled in sports and school, but couldn't because he was smaller and had a learning disability so he has a bit of an inferior complex i think. he was the hardest to raise. when he was 16, his mom and i fell in love with other people and divorced. she and i are friends and we see each other often. there are no hard feelings. our son had no plans after high school except to pursue his "art." my and ex and i agreed to allow him to let him take a gap year and he could stay at either of our house. but then it's either working or college. after that year, he decides to bum off my ex's parents. he was completely estranged from us during that year. we suspected he was getting into drugs and convinced them to kick him out. he lived in a van or six months. we helped him get a minimum wage job and he currently lives with his mom and her new husband. my son is almost 21. all of a sudden, my son announces he is getting married to some girl he met. she is a bigger trainwreck than he is. i asked if she was pregnant and my son no but they want to have kids. my other three sons married and started families early but they were prepared and mature enough. they also support their own families. my son is not ready for this move. my ex is allowing them both to live with her mainly because my son's girlfriend has no family and no where to go. she doesn't support their getting married but won't stop it. my son and this girl cannot afford a wedding so they asked to have one on my beach properties. i refused and i am public enemy number one. for the first time in years, i am fighting with my ex over it. she thinks we should just let him crash on their own so he doesn't blame anyone but himself. our other sons think the whole thing is a joke. &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i have four boys. married at 21. our youngest was the surprise baby and is five years younger than the next youngest kid. he has always tried to compete with his older brothers who excelled in sports and school, but couldn't because he was smaller and had a learning disability so he has a bit of an inferior complex i think. he was the hardest to raise. when he was 16, his mom and i fell in love with other people and divorced. she and i are friends and we see each other often. there are no hard feelings. our son had no plans after high school except to pursue his "art." my and ex and i agreed to allow him to let him take a gap year and he could stay at either of our house. but then it's either working or college. after that year, he decides to bum off my ex's parents. he was completely estranged from us during that year. we suspected he was getting into drugs and convinced them to kick him out. he lived in a van or six months. we helped him get a minimum wage job and he currently lives with his mom and her new husband. my son is almost 21. all of a sudden, my son announces he is getting married to some girl he met. she is a bigger trainwreck than he is. i asked if she was pregnant and my son no but they want to have kids. my other three sons married and started families early but they were prepared and mature enough. they also support their own families. my son is not ready for this move. my ex is allowing them both to live with her mainly because my son's girlfriend has no family and no where to go. she doesn't support their getting married but won't stop it. my son and this girl cannot afford a wedding so they asked to have one on my beach properties. i refused and i am public enemy number one. for the first time in years, i am fighting with my ex over it. she thinks we should just let him crash on their own so he doesn't blame anyone but himself. our other sons think the whole thing is a joke. &#x200b; [/INST] yta... dude. if you don’t wanna host the wedding, fine. but this entire post kinda just... sh*ts on him. maybe it’s possible that he “turned out this way” on some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. as a young adult, i can tell you it’s really hard to succeed when it feels like your family doesn’t believe in you. </s>
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AITA for asking my stepson to buy his own dog food?
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**tl;dr:** my stepson asked for a dog and one of the conditions was he pay for its care. when it’s our week with the kids the dog comes along too, of course, and it eats my dog’s food which is never replaced or reimbursed. aita for putting my foot down and asking he pony up?
my husband (m43) and i (f33) share custody of his two sons (m16, m14) with his ex. they’re week on, week off. almost a year and a half ago, oldest son purchased a labrador. he’s wanted the dog for a long time and is overall a responsible kid, so we agreed under the conditions that he have enough money saved not only for the purchase of the dog but also for its care.
i own a gsp myself, a dog i pay for out of my own pocket. by that i mean my husband and i share most finances, but things like our personal hobbies and pets come out of our personal “mad money” accounts.
at first, oldest son was good about bringing his dog’s. food back and forth from house to house but the routine eventually turned into my dog and his sharing out of my dog’s dishes, eating my dog’s food. the labrador outweighs my pointer by almost 60 pounds, and easily eats three to four times the food she does. i don’t mind them munching out of the same bowls, it’s easier that way really, but over the course of the past year my husband has only purchased dog food three times and has purchased a brand that is a grocery store generic versus the high protein, higher quality food i feed my working and hunting dog. he’s also purchased it out of our mutual grocery fund versus how we agreed to separately fund our animals.
i offered a suggestion and stated i would be happy to buy my dog’s food out of our mutual grocery fund and then share, but my husband shot down that idea and said the food i buy for my pointer is way too expensive for the budget. if i want to buy “gourmet” i can do it myself. at that point, i put my foot down and said oldest son can pay for his own stuff then because if my food is too expensive to share the cost of then it’s too expensive for me to be feeding to his lab.
of course my husband then accused me of being the asshole in the situation, stating that i would make oldest son feel singled out and that we are a family so we don’t split things up like that.
i know being a stepkid is hard enough so i don’t want to make oldest son feel unwelcome or that he’s not part of the family, but my dog food costs have literally tripled this past year and i’m getting tired of it coming out of my spending money when it was agreed to handled otherwise. aita?
| 161 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/loh07c/aita_for_asking_my_stepson_to_buy_his_own_dog_food/
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2021-02-20 21:19:56
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nta - but the problem is with your husband not stepson. i would put my foot down with him and deal with him. making a 16 year older buy their own dog food is weird.
|
esh
it was **wildly irresponsible** to allow a teenager to get a dog with the stipulation that the adults will be hands-off when it comes to its care.
a child doesn't have those resources. what if there are emergencies? ongoing medications? this is mean to everyone involved, the dog included.
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a gentle, esh
i think you should have a follow up conversation with your husband. you don’t want to single out older step kid, but you are noting that the dog food is being eaten by both dogs in the household. as a result, you’re not asking permission — you’re informing him you will be buying the dog food using the mutual grocery fund going forward.
that is what is most fair; all dogs in the household are eating the premium brand, not just yours, so it will be purchased with mutual grocery fund. if he has another solution, you’re happy to hear it. currently the dogs are sharing the same food which makes it a household expense.
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nta it’s either the family dog and the money comes out of the family grocery money or it’s the sons dog and he pays for everything. and what’s this about switching foods because he doesn’t want to pay for food you get? that’s a good way to get a dog sick.
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nta
hubby doesn't want to pay for your dog. hubby doesn't want to pay for his son's dog. so its hubby's job as bio-dad to sit his son down and tell him that either his dog only eats the lower budget food hubby is willing to buy, or his son can pay for food to be stored at both his parents houses. doesn't dog food come in big bags? he can buy the giant sized one and split it into a plastic container so he doesn't have to move the food every time he's over with his dog.
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nta. your suggestion to use the mutual grocery fund to feed the pets of multiple family members is the obvious answer. does your husband not like dogs?
maybe you could present 4 options:
1. the food is purchased with the mutual fund.
2. your husband splits the cost with you out of his fun money.
3. your stepson brings his own dog food again.
4. your stepson splits the cost of food with you.
though 4. would be fair given the prior agreement, i think it would cause tension. and 3. is more difficult logistically. 1. or 2. would be the options i’d push for.
the super cheap food is basically trash. i carefully picked out and try to get the best deal on dog food i can find that still fits our dogs nutritional needs. we are doing perfectly well financially but it is still painful how much it costs to feed our two large breed dogs. but we took on the responsibility of owning animals and i won’t punish them with cheap food.
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nta. the money to feed his dog needs to come out of either the stepson’s funds or the family grocery budget. but as someone else said, feed your dog in a different location. time to stop leaving food out for grazing. train your dog to eat somewhere separately and when your dog walks away, pick the food up. stepson agreed to these rules when he purchased the dog. he wanted the dog, it isn’t a family dog, it’s his dog. he needs to realize he is responsible for it. obviously he’s buying food when he’s staying with his mom, he can make sure he’s following through on what he agreed to.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.124463 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **tl;dr:** my stepson asked for a dog and one of the conditions was he pay for its care. when it’s our week with the kids the dog comes along too, of course, and it eats my dog’s food which is never replaced or reimbursed. aita for putting my foot down and asking he pony up? my husband (m43) and i (f33) share custody of his two sons (m16, m14) with his ex. they’re week on, week off. almost a year and a half ago, oldest son purchased a labrador. he’s wanted the dog for a long time and is overall a responsible kid, so we agreed under the conditions that he have enough money saved not only for the purchase of the dog but also for its care. i own a gsp myself, a dog i pay for out of my own pocket. by that i mean my husband and i share most finances, but things like our personal hobbies and pets come out of our personal “mad money” accounts. at first, oldest son was good about bringing his dog’s. food back and forth from house to house but the routine eventually turned into my dog and his sharing out of my dog’s dishes, eating my dog’s food. the labrador outweighs my pointer by almost 60 pounds, and easily eats three to four times the food she does. i don’t mind them munching out of the same bowls, it’s easier that way really, but over the course of the past year my husband has only purchased dog food three times and has purchased a brand that is a grocery store generic versus the high protein, higher quality food i feed my working and hunting dog. he’s also purchased it out of our mutual grocery fund versus how we agreed to separately fund our animals. i offered a suggestion and stated i would be happy to buy my dog’s food out of our mutual grocery fund and then share, but my husband shot down that idea and said the food i buy for my pointer is way too expensive for the budget. if i want to buy “gourmet” i can do it myself. at that point, i put my foot down and said oldest son can pay for his own stuff then because if my food is too expensive to share the cost of then it’s too expensive for me to be feeding to his lab. of course my husband then accused me of being the asshole in the situation, stating that i would make oldest son feel singled out and that we are a family so we don’t split things up like that. i know being a stepkid is hard enough so i don’t want to make oldest son feel unwelcome or that he’s not part of the family, but my dog food costs have literally tripled this past year and i’m getting tired of it coming out of my spending money when it was agreed to handled otherwise. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
**tl;dr:** my stepson asked for a dog and one of the conditions was he pay for its care. when it’s our week with the kids the dog comes along too, of course, and it eats my dog’s food which is never replaced or reimbursed. aita for putting my foot down and asking he pony up? my husband (m43) and i (f33) share custody of his two sons (m16, m14) with his ex. they’re week on, week off. almost a year and a half ago, oldest son purchased a labrador. he’s wanted the dog for a long time and is overall a responsible kid, so we agreed under the conditions that he have enough money saved not only for the purchase of the dog but also for its care. i own a gsp myself, a dog i pay for out of my own pocket. by that i mean my husband and i share most finances, but things like our personal hobbies and pets come out of our personal “mad money” accounts. at first, oldest son was good about bringing his dog’s. food back and forth from house to house but the routine eventually turned into my dog and his sharing out of my dog’s dishes, eating my dog’s food. the labrador outweighs my pointer by almost 60 pounds, and easily eats three to four times the food she does. i don’t mind them munching out of the same bowls, it’s easier that way really, but over the course of the past year my husband has only purchased dog food three times and has purchased a brand that is a grocery store generic versus the high protein, higher quality food i feed my working and hunting dog. he’s also purchased it out of our mutual grocery fund versus how we agreed to separately fund our animals. i offered a suggestion and stated i would be happy to buy my dog’s food out of our mutual grocery fund and then share, but my husband shot down that idea and said the food i buy for my pointer is way too expensive for the budget. if i want to buy “gourmet” i can do it myself. at that point, i put my foot down and said oldest son can pay for his own stuff then because if my food is too expensive to share the cost of then it’s too expensive for me to be feeding to his lab. of course my husband then accused me of being the asshole in the situation, stating that i would make oldest son feel singled out and that we are a family so we don’t split things up like that. i know being a stepkid is hard enough so i don’t want to make oldest son feel unwelcome or that he’s not part of the family, but my dog food costs have literally tripled this past year and i’m getting tired of it coming out of my spending money when it was agreed to handled otherwise. aita? [/INST] nta - but the problem is with your husband not stepson. i would put my foot down with him and deal with him. making a 16 year older buy their own dog food is weird. </s>
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AITA For kicking my brother in law out and reporting my therapist?
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let me explain. even though i don't like to talk about it. i (male) 25 was involved in an auto accident (i was the one driving) and lost my dad who was with me at the time. i had untreated ptsd for nearly a year. i couldn't speak about it to anyone. my sister got me in therapy 2 months ago because she said that i needed it.
this is our first holidays without dad and i wasn't intending on doing anything this year but the family decided to come and spend time with me. my aunt, my cousin and her kids, my sister and my brother in law, and my mom. my brother in law started bringing up the accident in detail exactly the way i'd describe it like he heard it from me, the number of sessions i've attended so far. brought up the name of my therapist and asked if he's the one i been seeing. then he started asking me how i'm doing/if my therapy sessions are benefiting me or not/and telling the exact time i got into therapy. and then casually said that i shouldn't tell people that i feel responsibility for what happened implying that i told my therapist that.
i was taken aback i asked how he knew all that. my sister said she didn't tell him and i didn't tell anyone. my brother in law looked confused when he noticed how upset i was and said that it was a "coincidence" the therapist happens to be one of his friend's brother. he's
known my therapist for 5 years and that's how he knew since his friend said my name sounded familiar. i was shocked. everyone was looking at me and my aunt started talking about me "telling everyone" about the accident. i was so infuriated i found myself lashing out at my brother in law and he started talking about how i need to deal my anger issues disregarding that he told the entire family about my sessions. after arguing with him and listening to him blaming me for how i reacted. i ended up telling him to leave. my sister sided with him then they both left my aunt defended him and said that i shouldn't have yelled at him and hurt my sister's feelings. that he was just worried about me.
i was so mad especially when they all started guilt tripping me and berating me for what i did.
i sent my therapist an e--mail telling him what happened after i couldn't get a hold of him
and mentioned that i will be reporting him and file a complaint against him for disclosing information without my consent. so far i haven't heard from him and what bothers me is that i'm not close with those people and hearing them gossip about me like that is not okay.
my brother in law has always been like this but it never occured to me that he'd do this. the family said i ruined dinner for them and that i overreacted and was lashing out at everyone for no reason. i feel terrible. they said they gathered to comfort me and i caused a scene.
| 22,243 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kk90d7/aita_for_kicking_my_brother_in_law_out_and/
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2020-12-26 00:25:07
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nta
your therapist definitely should be reported and hopefully lose their license. therapists should never be sharing their clients' names, much less going into detail about what the clients are sharing with them.
the people who 'ruined' dinner are the people who 'decided to spend time with you' and then did not stop your bil from deciding to share what is going on with your therapy to the rest of your family. you rightfully wished that your privacy be valued, but he couldn't be bothered to show you that respect.
the person who 'ruined' dinner was your bil, and everyone who sided with him.
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nta - i’m sorry this happened to you. you’re not the ass at all.
your therapist violated your confidentiality and that’s a very serious thing. report them and let them suffer the consequences. focus on your betterment and it doesn’t matter what others say. you didn’t ruin christmas.
i really hope you’re able to find peace someday.
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nta
report the therapist and cut ties with your bil if that means sister goes to that's her fault for siding with bil.
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nta - hipaa laws exist for a reason. your therapist is an idiot and your bil is a terrible person. how can you pry into someone's personal pain and then weaponize it in front of others.
honestly i can't fathom your pain op - i hope you find a way to cope for this situation is totally unfair to you.
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nta.
report him and contact an attorney. you may not want to sue him but not only do you need the money back from the therapy that you paid for but he should be paying for the extra therapy you're now going to need because he has violated a ton of oaths.
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nta.
follow through on reporting him. i know your trust was betrayed but please find another therapist. don't let this despicable excuse for a therapist keep you from getting help. maybe a referral from your primary care doctor?
what about your sister, she got you into therapy - did she choose the therapist? seems too coincidental to me.
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as a mental health professional myself yeah, you're within your rights to report.i legally cannot confirm or deny if someone is my client without written consent from them, it breaks hippa. we're trained on this, the therapist should know better.it honestly makes me mad, because this is why people avoid therapy. i'm guessing after this you'll have some trrust issues about going at all. who wants to worry about their therapist gossiping about them with friends? it's messed up.
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nta
there are laws to avoid exactly this.
report the therapist and said to bil that the therapist will lose the job because of him.
you don't tell people what others said in a therapeutic season.
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you are the only one in this story who's nta. therapists are legally bound to confidentiality. they're not supposed to go gossiping about the stuff their clients tell them. your bil has zero social skills if he thinks this is appropriate christmas dinner talk, even if you'd told him these things yourself. and the rest of your family should have been on your side. i'm sorry about everything.
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nta but wow is tour therapist / bil ah.
i’m really sorry you had to go through this. please try and find another therapist because the right one can work wonders and really help when you’re grieving.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: let me explain. even though i don't like to talk about it. i (male) 25 was involved in an auto accident (i was the one driving) and lost my dad who was with me at the time. i had untreated ptsd for nearly a year. i couldn't speak about it to anyone. my sister got me in therapy 2 months ago because she said that i needed it. this is our first holidays without dad and i wasn't intending on doing anything this year but the family decided to come and spend time with me. my aunt, my cousin and her kids, my sister and my brother in law, and my mom. my brother in law started bringing up the accident in detail exactly the way i'd describe it like he heard it from me, the number of sessions i've attended so far. brought up the name of my therapist and asked if he's the one i been seeing. then he started asking me how i'm doing/if my therapy sessions are benefiting me or not/and telling the exact time i got into therapy. and then casually said that i shouldn't tell people that i feel responsibility for what happened implying that i told my therapist that. i was taken aback i asked how he knew all that. my sister said she didn't tell him and i didn't tell anyone. my brother in law looked confused when he noticed how upset i was and said that it was a "coincidence" the therapist happens to be one of his friend's brother. he's known my therapist for 5 years and that's how he knew since his friend said my name sounded familiar. i was shocked. everyone was looking at me and my aunt started talking about me "telling everyone" about the accident. i was so infuriated i found myself lashing out at my brother in law and he started talking about how i need to deal my anger issues disregarding that he told the entire family about my sessions. after arguing with him and listening to him blaming me for how i reacted. i ended up telling him to leave. my sister sided with him then they both left my aunt defended him and said that i shouldn't have yelled at him and hurt my sister's feelings. that he was just worried about me. i was so mad especially when they all started guilt tripping me and berating me for what i did. i sent my therapist an e--mail telling him what happened after i couldn't get a hold of him and mentioned that i will be reporting him and file a complaint against him for disclosing information without my consent. so far i haven't heard from him and what bothers me is that i'm not close with those people and hearing them gossip about me like that is not okay. my brother in law has always been like this but it never occured to me that he'd do this. the family said i ruined dinner for them and that i overreacted and was lashing out at everyone for no reason. i feel terrible. they said they gathered to comfort me and i caused a scene.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
let me explain. even though i don't like to talk about it. i (male) 25 was involved in an auto accident (i was the one driving) and lost my dad who was with me at the time. i had untreated ptsd for nearly a year. i couldn't speak about it to anyone. my sister got me in therapy 2 months ago because she said that i needed it. this is our first holidays without dad and i wasn't intending on doing anything this year but the family decided to come and spend time with me. my aunt, my cousin and her kids, my sister and my brother in law, and my mom. my brother in law started bringing up the accident in detail exactly the way i'd describe it like he heard it from me, the number of sessions i've attended so far. brought up the name of my therapist and asked if he's the one i been seeing. then he started asking me how i'm doing/if my therapy sessions are benefiting me or not/and telling the exact time i got into therapy. and then casually said that i shouldn't tell people that i feel responsibility for what happened implying that i told my therapist that. i was taken aback i asked how he knew all that. my sister said she didn't tell him and i didn't tell anyone. my brother in law looked confused when he noticed how upset i was and said that it was a "coincidence" the therapist happens to be one of his friend's brother. he's known my therapist for 5 years and that's how he knew since his friend said my name sounded familiar. i was shocked. everyone was looking at me and my aunt started talking about me "telling everyone" about the accident. i was so infuriated i found myself lashing out at my brother in law and he started talking about how i need to deal my anger issues disregarding that he told the entire family about my sessions. after arguing with him and listening to him blaming me for how i reacted. i ended up telling him to leave. my sister sided with him then they both left my aunt defended him and said that i shouldn't have yelled at him and hurt my sister's feelings. that he was just worried about me. i was so mad especially when they all started guilt tripping me and berating me for what i did. i sent my therapist an e--mail telling him what happened after i couldn't get a hold of him and mentioned that i will be reporting him and file a complaint against him for disclosing information without my consent. so far i haven't heard from him and what bothers me is that i'm not close with those people and hearing them gossip about me like that is not okay. my brother in law has always been like this but it never occured to me that he'd do this. the family said i ruined dinner for them and that i overreacted and was lashing out at everyone for no reason. i feel terrible. they said they gathered to comfort me and i caused a scene. [/INST] nta your therapist definitely should be reported and hopefully lose their license. therapists should never be sharing their clients' names, much less going into detail about what the clients are sharing with them. the people who 'ruined' dinner are the people who 'decided to spend time with you' and then did not stop your bil from deciding to share what is going on with your therapy to the rest of your family. you rightfully wished that your privacy be valued, but he couldn't be bothered to show you that respect. the person who 'ruined' dinner was your bil, and everyone who sided with him. </s>
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AITA for laughing at my son’s teacher and not punishing him for what he said?
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so my son (13) absolutely idolizes his father.
my husband owns a company and since he was 5 i’d bring my son to visit his dad at the office.
as he got older sometimes he’d sit in on meetings and his dad would tell him to take notes and summarize what everybody in the room said and what he thinks the team should do.
as such, he’s also pretty authoritative with his peers.
yesterday i was called into school because his sculpting class teacher had sent him to the office.
she told me that during a group project she walked by his group, who were sketching and putting together something for a project said something to the time of “ you know- if you think (your teammate) isn’t doing the form correctly, why don’t you come over and do it yourself?“
in response he allegedly looked her up and down and said “ or i could have others do it and take credit for it like every boss you’ve ever had. grow up.”
his teacher started saying that she had never heard anything like that come out of a student’s mouth.
i couldn’t help but break out laughing after that.
mostly because of the still almost cartoonishly shocked look on her face and the fact that her voice rose to a very comical level.
but also partly because what my son said probably wasn’t entirely without merit. my son was sent home for the day with a yellow slip for me to sign.
when we got home i told my husband and he laughed and said “ shit, maybe he should be around me less.”
he said it was up to me if i punished him and i ended up just telling him next time even if he didn’t like the teacher just don’t respond to her if what she said didn’t need a response. i told him to know when to pick fights, and this wasn’t a necessary fight for him to have taken on.
aita?
| 462 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j4mgxl/aita_for_laughing_at_my_sons_teacher_and_not/
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2020-10-03 20:48:07
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yta, this seems fake, either way your son is still a jerk, and it’s your fault too
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yta - for letting your son know you thought it was comical for him to blatantly disrespect an adult, and an authority figure at that. you’re encouraging him.
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it sounds like, from what the teacher said, your kid was criticizing his teammate, hence the “if you think x isn’t doing it correctly why don’t you do it” comment. in this situation, he’s the one who needs to grow up.
congratulations! you’re raising a rude and entitled kid who will get a harsh reality check when he enters the world of work, outside of this father’s influence.
yta.
side note: what your son said made no sense in context, so i wouldn’t be too happy with him about it...
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your son belittled an adult woman for having a job as a teacher, a job which is incredibly difficult. are you kidding? your kid was mean! and you don’t care if you raise a mean kid who thinks he’s better than other people? especially a teacher? yta. teach your kid to be kind to people. jesus christ, you’re raising a karen.
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yta. this isn't "oh look at this little kid saying something grownup", it's a 13 year old brat who said something that would not be appropriate in a work or school setting. if that's the kind of thing your husband is teaching, your husband is a shitty boss and you are raising a shitty kid. but i guess you fit right in since you think it's funny somehow, even though it doesn't even make sense.
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yta youre teaching your son its okay to be disrespectful. the teacher didn't say anything that warrented your sons comment
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yta - your son was rude to tell his teacher to grow up. and, what he told her may have been factual, but his tone was disrespectful. this is his teacher. so, yes, if you are not at least telling your son to have respect for his teacher, yta.
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corrected title:
“my son was rude and disrespectful to his teacher, and we laughed and didn’t punish him because we think it’s appropriate to treat a learning environment like an aggressive board room. aita?”
yes. yta.
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yta -- you and your kid both need lessons in respecting other people.
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yta. your kid is rude, you're rude, and you owe that teacher an apology.
your kid is going to grow up wrong like this.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my son (13) absolutely idolizes his father. my husband owns a company and since he was 5 i’d bring my son to visit his dad at the office. as he got older sometimes he’d sit in on meetings and his dad would tell him to take notes and summarize what everybody in the room said and what he thinks the team should do. as such, he’s also pretty authoritative with his peers. yesterday i was called into school because his sculpting class teacher had sent him to the office. she told me that during a group project she walked by his group, who were sketching and putting together something for a project said something to the time of “ you know- if you think (your teammate) isn’t doing the form correctly, why don’t you come over and do it yourself?“ in response he allegedly looked her up and down and said “ or i could have others do it and take credit for it like every boss you’ve ever had. grow up.” his teacher started saying that she had never heard anything like that come out of a student’s mouth. i couldn’t help but break out laughing after that. mostly because of the still almost cartoonishly shocked look on her face and the fact that her voice rose to a very comical level. but also partly because what my son said probably wasn’t entirely without merit. my son was sent home for the day with a yellow slip for me to sign. when we got home i told my husband and he laughed and said “ shit, maybe he should be around me less.” he said it was up to me if i punished him and i ended up just telling him next time even if he didn’t like the teacher just don’t respond to her if what she said didn’t need a response. i told him to know when to pick fights, and this wasn’t a necessary fight for him to have taken on. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my son (13) absolutely idolizes his father. my husband owns a company and since he was 5 i’d bring my son to visit his dad at the office. as he got older sometimes he’d sit in on meetings and his dad would tell him to take notes and summarize what everybody in the room said and what he thinks the team should do. as such, he’s also pretty authoritative with his peers. yesterday i was called into school because his sculpting class teacher had sent him to the office. she told me that during a group project she walked by his group, who were sketching and putting together something for a project said something to the time of “ you know- if you think (your teammate) isn’t doing the form correctly, why don’t you come over and do it yourself?“ in response he allegedly looked her up and down and said “ or i could have others do it and take credit for it like every boss you’ve ever had. grow up.” his teacher started saying that she had never heard anything like that come out of a student’s mouth. i couldn’t help but break out laughing after that. mostly because of the still almost cartoonishly shocked look on her face and the fact that her voice rose to a very comical level. but also partly because what my son said probably wasn’t entirely without merit. my son was sent home for the day with a yellow slip for me to sign. when we got home i told my husband and he laughed and said “ shit, maybe he should be around me less.” he said it was up to me if i punished him and i ended up just telling him next time even if he didn’t like the teacher just don’t respond to her if what she said didn’t need a response. i told him to know when to pick fights, and this wasn’t a necessary fight for him to have taken on. aita? [/INST] yta, this seems fake, either way your son is still a jerk, and it’s your fault too </s>
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AITA for telling my younger brother I am not his dad?
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aita:
i (24m) grew up in a less than ideal household, my mom and dad constantly fought and when i was 10, they got divorced and my mom remarried someone else when i was 15 and had my younger brother (9m) in 2013 and i love him till the end of time.
however my mom and my step-father didn't really get along either, and they constantly started fighting, and my younger brother always ran to me when he was scared of them. i saw this as a normal brother to brother behavior until last week.
last week, my parents came for my acceptance into college party, however 1 hour into the party, my mom and step-dad started to argue again over something unknown to me, and my younger brother ran to me and told me if i could take him to my room. i agreed, and we both walked in. he said that he wants to live with me because all our parents do is argue and it scares him.
i told him that i only had one bedroom in my small house, and told him i made it out 18 years before i left the house, and if he believes in himself, he'll be fine. he started to cry and he told me he couldn't make it 18 years, it would be another 9 years for him at the house. i tried to calm him down, but he started to cry uncontrollably and told me i wasn't being a good big brother.
i got angry and yelled "i'm not your dad" and then he looked at me oddly before running out of the room. i obviously felt guilty but i think it was partially justified, i can't afford another person in my plox.
aita?
| 193 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2dp2k/aita_for_telling_my_younger_brother_i_am_not_his/
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2022-07-18 23:36:05
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yta
you're not an ah for not being able to take responsibility for your brother, however you are for how you handled it.
there was no need for your loss off temper in that moment and telling him to wait 9 years was pointless bordering on ridiculous, that is such a long time for anyone to wait let alone a kid.
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sorry, yta. the kid is 9 and distressed, neither his dad or mom seem able to provide the support he needs and you seem to be a key source of sanity in his life. it does not mean you have an obligation to be his dad, but telling it this way is just super cold, and makes you the ah.
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i'm reading, and reading, not the asshole, not the asshole, and then oop ... there it is. yta
why are you yelling at a little kid who's in obvious emotional distress?
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yta. you've been the one stable adult in his life and now you essentially slapped him down (figuratively) and told him you don't actually care about him and he was on his own. i get that you can't afford to support him, and you have to focus on college, but you could have said these things while also assuring him that you would be just a phone call away and you knew he was strong enough to handle it, etc. be emotionally supportive, you know.
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yta (kinda). your mom and step-dad are the real ahs for being terrible parents.
he doesn't have anyone else to turn to and 9 year olds don't exactly have any grasp on the value of money and what it means to take in another person, taking care of them socially and financially. so of course you have every right to say no, but you didn't have to yell at him and you didn't have to remind him he has no real father figure. he's going to miss you more than you know. sad situation all around.
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yta the kid is 9 and scared of his parents yelling, so what is your solution?? yell at him. poor kid
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esh (except your brother)
you for yelling, you’re not his dad but you’re his safe space. you could have communicated that you don’t have the capacity to take him now but you are always a call away when it gets scary and to give him some comfort in that moment of vulnerability.
your mom and step dad are obviously ahs for their behavior.
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yta there were so many options other than yelling in his face. he's nine, and you are his one safe adult. be patient and be kind. tell him he can text you, and that you'll visit on weekends, or that he can sleep over at your place sometimes, idk, but don't yell at a kid who feels alone already.
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nta
i don’t know why this sub is so judgmental when a stressed out person loses their patience once in a while. your not an ah; you’re human. this scenario must be very stressful for you and probably brings back bad memories of your own childhood. plus they ruined your party. just try to stay calm and do better with your brother. forgive yourself for getting frustrated.
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whelp, you shattered his illusion that there was one person in his family that wouldn't yell and scare him. good flipping job.
yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.15977 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: aita: i (24m) grew up in a less than ideal household, my mom and dad constantly fought and when i was 10, they got divorced and my mom remarried someone else when i was 15 and had my younger brother (9m) in 2013 and i love him till the end of time. however my mom and my step-father didn't really get along either, and they constantly started fighting, and my younger brother always ran to me when he was scared of them. i saw this as a normal brother to brother behavior until last week. last week, my parents came for my acceptance into college party, however 1 hour into the party, my mom and step-dad started to argue again over something unknown to me, and my younger brother ran to me and told me if i could take him to my room. i agreed, and we both walked in. he said that he wants to live with me because all our parents do is argue and it scares him. i told him that i only had one bedroom in my small house, and told him i made it out 18 years before i left the house, and if he believes in himself, he'll be fine. he started to cry and he told me he couldn't make it 18 years, it would be another 9 years for him at the house. i tried to calm him down, but he started to cry uncontrollably and told me i wasn't being a good big brother. i got angry and yelled "i'm not your dad" and then he looked at me oddly before running out of the room. i obviously felt guilty but i think it was partially justified, i can't afford another person in my plox. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
aita: i (24m) grew up in a less than ideal household, my mom and dad constantly fought and when i was 10, they got divorced and my mom remarried someone else when i was 15 and had my younger brother (9m) in 2013 and i love him till the end of time. however my mom and my step-father didn't really get along either, and they constantly started fighting, and my younger brother always ran to me when he was scared of them. i saw this as a normal brother to brother behavior until last week. last week, my parents came for my acceptance into college party, however 1 hour into the party, my mom and step-dad started to argue again over something unknown to me, and my younger brother ran to me and told me if i could take him to my room. i agreed, and we both walked in. he said that he wants to live with me because all our parents do is argue and it scares him. i told him that i only had one bedroom in my small house, and told him i made it out 18 years before i left the house, and if he believes in himself, he'll be fine. he started to cry and he told me he couldn't make it 18 years, it would be another 9 years for him at the house. i tried to calm him down, but he started to cry uncontrollably and told me i wasn't being a good big brother. i got angry and yelled "i'm not your dad" and then he looked at me oddly before running out of the room. i obviously felt guilty but i think it was partially justified, i can't afford another person in my plox. aita? [/INST] yta you're not an ah for not being able to take responsibility for your brother, however you are for how you handled it. there was no need for your loss off temper in that moment and telling him to wait 9 years was pointless bordering on ridiculous, that is such a long time for anyone to wait let alone a kid. </s>
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WIBTA if I refuse to add my stepdaughter as a recipient to a trust fund which I and my late wife set up for my daughter?
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daughter and sd are 14&15 respectively. wife and i have been married for 10 years.
so my late wife( she died fighting cancer )and i invested our money and decided to set up something like a trust fund for our daughter. most of what my late wife inherited from her parents also went to this fund. all of this money is supposed to go to my daughter provided she meets some requirements.
on the other hand, my wife and her ex husband have nothing saved up for my stepdaughter. she asked me if i would add my sd as a recipient because the sum is quite large. i told her that my late wife contributed a lot to the fund and she wanted it to go to my daughter. she's upset because i'm being biased now. i think this is something which was planned a long time ago, even before i met my current wife. also, it was something my late wife put a lot of effort into. wibta here?
| 9,527 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c23rod/wibta_if_i_refuse_to_add_my_stepdaughter_as_a/
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2019-06-18 15:40:17
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nta. your late wife intended that money for her child. don’t take that away from your daughter.
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nta- **your wife** and **her ex-husband** need to set up something for her daughter.
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nta
but start saving with your wife for your second daughter. let her know that her savings only begun when she became a part of the family, so its understandably smaller.
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nta. i’d offer to help start a separate trust for your step daughter, but don’t take out of your bio daughters as it was mainly from her bio moms inheritance.
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nta, in fact, you would be the asshole if you added your stepdaughter:
>so my late wife( she died fighting cancer )and i invested our money and decided to set up something like a trust fund for our daughter. **most of what my late wife inherited from her parents also went to this fund**. *all of this money is supposed to go to my daughter provided she meets some requirements.*
the determination of who the money is for was already made before your wife died. it honestly seems like it's not even your decision to make at this point. you would be seriously fucking over what seems like part of her will if you changed that (not saying this as in legally, but as in morally).
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if i read this correctly, your sd has two living biological parents, correct? so why do they expect a dead woman to provide for *their* child? nta. that money is for your daughter. your sd is not entitled to her inheritance. that money has nothing to do with your sd or even your wife tbh.
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nta your wife and stepdaughter are not entitled to that money
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nta. your stepchild isn’t entitled to inherit money from your late wife. maybe you and your current wife/her ex could start some kind of savings for your stepchild. but nah, you don’t owe her your late wife’s money that she wanted to go to her daughter.
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my mother left money for me. she died when i was seven years old. my dad tried to change it later to include my half-siblings - i took him to court over it. honestly nta for refusing.
you massively massively would be if you did do it though.
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nta
but that doesn't mean that your wife isn't going to feel resentful and jealous. you need to sit her down and tell her that you are more than willing to raise and love and support your step daughter. after all, you've been playing somewhat of a father figure to her for a decade now.
but that doesn't change the fact that the fund is for your other daughter.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: daughter and sd are 14&15 respectively. wife and i have been married for 10 years. so my late wife( she died fighting cancer )and i invested our money and decided to set up something like a trust fund for our daughter. most of what my late wife inherited from her parents also went to this fund. all of this money is supposed to go to my daughter provided she meets some requirements. on the other hand, my wife and her ex husband have nothing saved up for my stepdaughter. she asked me if i would add my sd as a recipient because the sum is quite large. i told her that my late wife contributed a lot to the fund and she wanted it to go to my daughter. she's upset because i'm being biased now. i think this is something which was planned a long time ago, even before i met my current wife. also, it was something my late wife put a lot of effort into. wibta here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
daughter and sd are 14&15 respectively. wife and i have been married for 10 years. so my late wife( she died fighting cancer )and i invested our money and decided to set up something like a trust fund for our daughter. most of what my late wife inherited from her parents also went to this fund. all of this money is supposed to go to my daughter provided she meets some requirements. on the other hand, my wife and her ex husband have nothing saved up for my stepdaughter. she asked me if i would add my sd as a recipient because the sum is quite large. i told her that my late wife contributed a lot to the fund and she wanted it to go to my daughter. she's upset because i'm being biased now. i think this is something which was planned a long time ago, even before i met my current wife. also, it was something my late wife put a lot of effort into. wibta here? [/INST] nta. your late wife intended that money for her child. don’t take that away from your daughter. </s>
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AITA for not inviting my parents to my graduation?
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my brother is 3 years older than me and my sister is 8 years younger than me. (
| 3,226 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbz1i4/aita_for_not_inviting_my_parents_to_my_graduation/
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2020-06-19 11:29:26
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nta. there isn’t much else to say. your mother is insane if she thinks the way she treated you entitled her to the place if ‘proud mother’.
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nta. your mom sucks.
i understand that unexpected circumstances result in not having enough money for both you and your brother, but asking you to drop out isn't a solution.
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nta at all. they didn’t show you support when you were undergoing the degree so they don’t deserve to share in your joy at completing it. and 8 years later is an insane amount of time to drag up something like this and try and make it an issue.
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nta, but i wouldn’t have lied about graduating. clearly there’s some favoritism going on here if they’re choosing to fund your brother’s indefinite college career and encouraged you to drop out. i would’ve just told them that since they asked me to drop out, it was clear they did not value my education.
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after you took charge of your own future, you owed your family nothing especially if they abused you growing up. congrats op on your achievements. you should be proud of yourself. if you've distanced yourself from them, i'd say that they are trying to get back into your goid books because you seem to be the only sucessfull child. ihnore them. they don't deserve you.
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nta, and they are lucky that you are still taking their phone calls.
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nta. you winning, you’re the only one with a degree, going to get the money best out of your life and you did the right thing. as far as your parents are concerned you dropped out of university, let it stay that you. live your best life!!!
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nta - you don't owe them anything. they are ah parents.
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nta
your mom wanted to see you drop out, so why should she get the honor of seeing you walk the stage and graduate when you did all the hard work, and she actually would’ve preferred you to give up your own dreams???
(also, why bring it up nearly 10 years later?? i don’t mean to offend, but your mom got issues.)
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nta
i know what if feels like to be treated as less than your siblings who are doing much worse than you in life. i spent a lot of years being resentful as i was always the hard worker and did well in school while my younger sibling was (and still is) basicly a major fuck up. my parents always put all their effort into them and never aknowledged my accomplishments and would only give negatice feedback like why is wasnt even better than i already was.
well. what it taught me, and is obvious that you learned too, is to be independent, resiliant and strong. doing things by yourself and only for yourself is honestly one of the best things i ever learned.. and not one single person can claim ones success as their own.
be proud of what you have done in life and do not undermine yourself infront of your parents just because of some cultural bullshit. it’s 2020 and culture is not an excuse to be an ah.
tell them that, yes, you finished your degree. yes, you did not invite them because they didn’t support you and you did all of it by yourself. that if they wanted to be a part of it, they should have shown support. why the hell would you want to celebrate graduation with someone who actively tried to get you to drop out for their own selfish reasons?
you’re a superwoman, never hide that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother is 3 years older than me and my sister is 8 years younger than me. (
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother is 3 years older than me and my sister is 8 years younger than me. ( [/INST] nta. there isn’t much else to say. your mother is insane if she thinks the way she treated you entitled her to the place if ‘proud mother’. </s>
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AITA for calling my SIL 'dumb' after her weird 'loyalty test' failed and she got pregnant?
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my (20f) brother (cam-25m) has been dating his girlfriend (jane-26f) for a year and a half.
cam works in a warehouse 1 hour 30 minutes away by train and so he's gone before jane wakes up and often comes home pretty late so him and jane don't get much bonding time. around 5 months ago, there was an issue with the trains where we lived and many were delayed, meaning cam had to get a hotel room overnight a few times a week. he had called jane about it, but she never picked up or looked at his texts. he just assumed she was asleep or busy as it was pretty late. well, jane has seen all his texts and calls but assumed (no, decided) he had been cheating and so decided to switch his lube to an oil-based one.
for those of you who don't know, oil based lube mixed with latex condoms deteriorates the material and makes it an ineffective barrier. you might as well go raw.
well, jane put the lube and condoms in a travel bag in the wardrobe and checked them every day when she got up to see if cam had moved them.
after 5 months, they hadn't and i guess jane forgot about it. then they had sex and used the unlucky combination and jane got pregnant.
we only found out about all this because jane spilt it to cam and cam was obviously upset and left to mull it all over. he's currently crashing at our parent's house where i am also currently living.
yesterday, jane showed up at the house whilst i was home alone asked to talk to cam. i said he wasn't there and she broke down and said she felt super guilty about it and that she doesn't want to be a single mother. she asked if i was cam, would i ever forgive her and i replied 'well what you did was fucking dumb and deceitful, so no.' she broke down even more and after a few minutes left. i felt guilty, but what did she expect? she went out of her way to change the lube so it would make contraception ineffective- did she want this hypothetical mistress to get pregnant?
when mum and cam got back, i told them jane had been round looking for cam. i told them what i said and mum did the whole full name 'you're in trouble voice'. she said i was out of line for 'tormenting' a pregnant woman. cam wasn't super pleased about the whole situation and said i should have just said nothing. now they're both mad at me.
aita?
| 4,214 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vrhyhj/aita_for_calling_my_sil_dumb_after_her_weird/
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2022-07-04 21:33:45
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nta - i don't think you're an asshole. i think you're correct. also, you're sticking up for your brother. however, you should have minded your own business. i bet your brother goes back to her. i wouldn't hate her. if she actually learns from this she may be a good wife and mother. but, you don't know what your brother wants to do, so you should have kept your mouth closed. still, i don't think you're the asshole, just rash.
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nta. she played stupid games and won stupid prizes. she clearly talked to you looking for a "right" answer, and you're not obligated to indulge her bullshit.
sure you can be nicer, but if someone pulled that shit on my brother i would have zero sympathy for them too. depending on where you are in the world, what she did (intentionally damaging contraceptives) constitutes sexual assault. frankly your brother should be pushing for sole custody instead of having his kids be raised by someone like her.
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nta.
she did a horrible, reckless, downright evil thing and should not ask anyone about the prospects for forgiveness unless she's willing to hear "fuck no!"
she wants absolution, she should see a priest.
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nta. what jane did was seriously wrong, messed up, and controlling. hypothetically, let’s say cam was cheating. that still wouldn’t make it okay to mess with the condoms so he’d get someone pregnant. jane is absolutely in the wrong here
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she asked, you answered. you didn't create that mess.
nta
your brother's (ex?)girlfriend caused all of the problems that they are dealing with now because she didn't & doesn't trust your brother. we don't know what else happened between them, so we only have this small piece that sounds like she had no trust in her partner. your brother might want to consider the fact that guilty people often project their bad behavior onto others. if she accused him of cheating, it could mean that she was cheating or thinking about it. if she decides to have the baby, a dna test would be a good idea. tampering with birth control is a crime in some jurisdictions (reproductive coercion). i hope your brother finds a better partner in the future. if he decides to try to salvage this relationship, they really should get couple's counseling.
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so she was ok with baby trapping your brother and the hypothetical woman but not herself 🙄🙄🙄 dear lord yisus i fell bad for the baby if it's born
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nta. she asked. you answered honestly.
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nta.
i mean... she asked for your opinion, right? you weren't tormenting her, you just told her what you would do in your brother's place. if she was expecting sympathy, she shouldn't have tried to get it from the sister of the guy she screwed over.
also, she can always abort if she doesn't want to be a single mother. she has choices
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nta. she asked your opinion and you gave it. it’s really as simple as that.
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nta even if she forgot she essentially stealthed him
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (20f) brother (cam-25m) has been dating his girlfriend (jane-26f) for a year and a half. cam works in a warehouse 1 hour 30 minutes away by train and so he's gone before jane wakes up and often comes home pretty late so him and jane don't get much bonding time. around 5 months ago, there was an issue with the trains where we lived and many were delayed, meaning cam had to get a hotel room overnight a few times a week. he had called jane about it, but she never picked up or looked at his texts. he just assumed she was asleep or busy as it was pretty late. well, jane has seen all his texts and calls but assumed (no, decided) he had been cheating and so decided to switch his lube to an oil-based one. for those of you who don't know, oil based lube mixed with latex condoms deteriorates the material and makes it an ineffective barrier. you might as well go raw. well, jane put the lube and condoms in a travel bag in the wardrobe and checked them every day when she got up to see if cam had moved them. after 5 months, they hadn't and i guess jane forgot about it. then they had sex and used the unlucky combination and jane got pregnant. we only found out about all this because jane spilt it to cam and cam was obviously upset and left to mull it all over. he's currently crashing at our parent's house where i am also currently living. yesterday, jane showed up at the house whilst i was home alone asked to talk to cam. i said he wasn't there and she broke down and said she felt super guilty about it and that she doesn't want to be a single mother. she asked if i was cam, would i ever forgive her and i replied 'well what you did was fucking dumb and deceitful, so no.' she broke down even more and after a few minutes left. i felt guilty, but what did she expect? she went out of her way to change the lube so it would make contraception ineffective- did she want this hypothetical mistress to get pregnant? when mum and cam got back, i told them jane had been round looking for cam. i told them what i said and mum did the whole full name 'you're in trouble voice'. she said i was out of line for 'tormenting' a pregnant woman. cam wasn't super pleased about the whole situation and said i should have just said nothing. now they're both mad at me. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (20f) brother (cam-25m) has been dating his girlfriend (jane-26f) for a year and a half. cam works in a warehouse 1 hour 30 minutes away by train and so he's gone before jane wakes up and often comes home pretty late so him and jane don't get much bonding time. around 5 months ago, there was an issue with the trains where we lived and many were delayed, meaning cam had to get a hotel room overnight a few times a week. he had called jane about it, but she never picked up or looked at his texts. he just assumed she was asleep or busy as it was pretty late. well, jane has seen all his texts and calls but assumed (no, decided) he had been cheating and so decided to switch his lube to an oil-based one. for those of you who don't know, oil based lube mixed with latex condoms deteriorates the material and makes it an ineffective barrier. you might as well go raw. well, jane put the lube and condoms in a travel bag in the wardrobe and checked them every day when she got up to see if cam had moved them. after 5 months, they hadn't and i guess jane forgot about it. then they had sex and used the unlucky combination and jane got pregnant. we only found out about all this because jane spilt it to cam and cam was obviously upset and left to mull it all over. he's currently crashing at our parent's house where i am also currently living. yesterday, jane showed up at the house whilst i was home alone asked to talk to cam. i said he wasn't there and she broke down and said she felt super guilty about it and that she doesn't want to be a single mother. she asked if i was cam, would i ever forgive her and i replied 'well what you did was fucking dumb and deceitful, so no.' she broke down even more and after a few minutes left. i felt guilty, but what did she expect? she went out of her way to change the lube so it would make contraception ineffective- did she want this hypothetical mistress to get pregnant? when mum and cam got back, i told them jane had been round looking for cam. i told them what i said and mum did the whole full name 'you're in trouble voice'. she said i was out of line for 'tormenting' a pregnant woman. cam wasn't super pleased about the whole situation and said i should have just said nothing. now they're both mad at me. aita? [/INST] nta - i don't think you're an asshole. i think you're correct. also, you're sticking up for your brother. however, you should have minded your own business. i bet your brother goes back to her. i wouldn't hate her. if she actually learns from this she may be a good wife and mother. but, you don't know what your brother wants to do, so you should have kept your mouth closed. still, i don't think you're the asshole, just rash. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my boyfriend to leave my house without a good reason after he refused.
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i (18f) have been with my boyfriend (18m) for over 4 months and we are both recently 18 so still in school and neither of us can drive legally.
he stayed over one night where everything went fine, how ever in the morning he proceeded to sit on his phone watching youtube for a few hours. it was leaning towards 12pm when i first asked him when he was getting picked up and he said he had nothing to do at home so he will stay.
i was starting to get a bit frustrated as i wanted to settle down and do some much needed study but i felt uncomfortable with him being there as he's a guest and i felt weird leaving him alone in my own house. around 1 i asked when he was getting picked up and he asked me why i wanted him to leave. i explained that i wanted to study and he couldn't seem to understand that i preferred to study alone and why i couldn't just do it with him there. i started felt bad asking him to leave so i was trying to be as polite as possible.
i asked him a few more times to please organise a way home and he started laughing at me. i couldn't seem to find the words to explain how i felt without coming across as rude so i just went quiet. he laughed and left the room to sit in the lounge and watch more youtube on his phone. i had a bit of a cry as i felt so horrible for asking him to leave without a valid reason but i felt so cramped with him being there i just wanted to relax. i stuffed around and did a few chores while he sat at watched me on the couch but i was antsy and the whole time fantasising of having a go at him.
around 2 he watched me make us lunch which he then refused to eat because it was a frozen hawaiian pizza which he dislikes. i then had to make him his own lunch.
during lunch his mum called him and asked him is he wanted a lift home and he said no. this infuriated me. after he hung up i asked him if he 'could please find a way home", his response to this was to laugh again and ask why i was yelling at him and why i don't want him around. i told him i had stuff to do and i feel weird with him being here. he just shrugged and sat on the couch again.
by then i was fuming but still conflicted as i didn't want to yell at him. but i still up and told him that he needs to find a way home because i had shit to do and i had asked him many many times.
he laughed again but more awkwardly.
i then asked him why he doesn't listen to me or take me seriously and he asked me what i meant as he called his mum. he ended up leaving about 15 minutes after that.
later i spoke to my friends about it and they called me an a for not being able to just work around him and i didn't have to yell at him. my boyfriend and i haven't spoken about it yet. aita for yelling at my boyfriend for overstaying his welcome at my house even though he's my boyfriend?
| 307 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sc6onx/aita_for_yelling_at_my_boyfriend_to_leave_my/
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2022-01-25 05:59:45
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nta
that boy has serious problems with boundaries. you don’t need to have a “good reason” for asking someone to leave your place. you want them to leave - that is enough. he stayed for *hours* after you asked him to leave - that is not okay!!! that is “get out now before i call the cops” territory.
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nta but he sure is. he needs to respect boundaries you set, including when you tell him it’s time to go home. also, if he doesn’t like the lunch you make the first time, he should leave and make his own…at his own house.
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girl this man doesn't respect your boundaries. *ditch the zero*. you had good reason, and he was being an ass, and he is throwing you several red flags. it's up to you to catch and deal with them.
nta.
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nta
girl it's only been 4 months. usually people are showing you *the best* parts of themselves in the first year. drop this a-hole and find some new friends.
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nta
i'm now 37. my hubby and i got together at 18, while still in high school. he has never, and would never act that way. to me, or anyone else. it's the easiest thing in the world to be around him, even 18 years later. we think alike, have similar values and lifestyles, the same friends, and are on the same page when dealing with problems. so, i really do understand falling deeply, truly in love while young. and making it last.
and this does not look like it to me.
if you don't feel uncomfortable spending time with him nearby while you're doing your own stuff, it will not last.
and if he won't respect your boundaries, it should not last.
you should never accept someone, friend, family, or partner, treating you this way. and at 18, he should know better than to treat you that way.
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if this is genuine … you are clearly nta.
you did have a valid reason for wanting him to leave (study). and newsflash to him ‘not wanting you to stay all day’ is itself a valid reason.
sorry to say - lots of red flags in his behaviour. and again nta.
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🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
you're nta. he's the asshole. if he can't respect you with something so simple he won't respect anything else more serious.
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nta
get rid of him. he feels entitled to your space, time and labour.
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nta
even in a relationship it is perfectly normal and reasonable to want some alone time.
you made your wish clear and he stomped your boundaries.
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nta - he needs to respect your boundaries. however, it may be an issue that you don't feel comfortable saying "hey, love you but it's time to leave" without hinting at it a million times. that should be something you're able to say in a relationship but maybe it's bc it's only been 4 months.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (18f) have been with my boyfriend (18m) for over 4 months and we are both recently 18 so still in school and neither of us can drive legally. he stayed over one night where everything went fine, how ever in the morning he proceeded to sit on his phone watching youtube for a few hours. it was leaning towards 12pm when i first asked him when he was getting picked up and he said he had nothing to do at home so he will stay. i was starting to get a bit frustrated as i wanted to settle down and do some much needed study but i felt uncomfortable with him being there as he's a guest and i felt weird leaving him alone in my own house. around 1 i asked when he was getting picked up and he asked me why i wanted him to leave. i explained that i wanted to study and he couldn't seem to understand that i preferred to study alone and why i couldn't just do it with him there. i started felt bad asking him to leave so i was trying to be as polite as possible. i asked him a few more times to please organise a way home and he started laughing at me. i couldn't seem to find the words to explain how i felt without coming across as rude so i just went quiet. he laughed and left the room to sit in the lounge and watch more youtube on his phone. i had a bit of a cry as i felt so horrible for asking him to leave without a valid reason but i felt so cramped with him being there i just wanted to relax. i stuffed around and did a few chores while he sat at watched me on the couch but i was antsy and the whole time fantasising of having a go at him. around 2 he watched me make us lunch which he then refused to eat because it was a frozen hawaiian pizza which he dislikes. i then had to make him his own lunch. during lunch his mum called him and asked him is he wanted a lift home and he said no. this infuriated me. after he hung up i asked him if he 'could please find a way home", his response to this was to laugh again and ask why i was yelling at him and why i don't want him around. i told him i had stuff to do and i feel weird with him being here. he just shrugged and sat on the couch again. by then i was fuming but still conflicted as i didn't want to yell at him. but i still up and told him that he needs to find a way home because i had shit to do and i had asked him many many times. he laughed again but more awkwardly. i then asked him why he doesn't listen to me or take me seriously and he asked me what i meant as he called his mum. he ended up leaving about 15 minutes after that. later i spoke to my friends about it and they called me an a for not being able to just work around him and i didn't have to yell at him. my boyfriend and i haven't spoken about it yet. aita for yelling at my boyfriend for overstaying his welcome at my house even though he's my boyfriend?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (18f) have been with my boyfriend (18m) for over 4 months and we are both recently 18 so still in school and neither of us can drive legally. he stayed over one night where everything went fine, how ever in the morning he proceeded to sit on his phone watching youtube for a few hours. it was leaning towards 12pm when i first asked him when he was getting picked up and he said he had nothing to do at home so he will stay. i was starting to get a bit frustrated as i wanted to settle down and do some much needed study but i felt uncomfortable with him being there as he's a guest and i felt weird leaving him alone in my own house. around 1 i asked when he was getting picked up and he asked me why i wanted him to leave. i explained that i wanted to study and he couldn't seem to understand that i preferred to study alone and why i couldn't just do it with him there. i started felt bad asking him to leave so i was trying to be as polite as possible. i asked him a few more times to please organise a way home and he started laughing at me. i couldn't seem to find the words to explain how i felt without coming across as rude so i just went quiet. he laughed and left the room to sit in the lounge and watch more youtube on his phone. i had a bit of a cry as i felt so horrible for asking him to leave without a valid reason but i felt so cramped with him being there i just wanted to relax. i stuffed around and did a few chores while he sat at watched me on the couch but i was antsy and the whole time fantasising of having a go at him. around 2 he watched me make us lunch which he then refused to eat because it was a frozen hawaiian pizza which he dislikes. i then had to make him his own lunch. during lunch his mum called him and asked him is he wanted a lift home and he said no. this infuriated me. after he hung up i asked him if he 'could please find a way home", his response to this was to laugh again and ask why i was yelling at him and why i don't want him around. i told him i had stuff to do and i feel weird with him being here. he just shrugged and sat on the couch again. by then i was fuming but still conflicted as i didn't want to yell at him. but i still up and told him that he needs to find a way home because i had shit to do and i had asked him many many times. he laughed again but more awkwardly. i then asked him why he doesn't listen to me or take me seriously and he asked me what i meant as he called his mum. he ended up leaving about 15 minutes after that. later i spoke to my friends about it and they called me an a for not being able to just work around him and i didn't have to yell at him. my boyfriend and i haven't spoken about it yet. aita for yelling at my boyfriend for overstaying his welcome at my house even though he's my boyfriend? [/INST] nta that boy has serious problems with boundaries. you don’t need to have a “good reason” for asking someone to leave your place. you want them to leave - that is enough. he stayed for *hours* after you asked him to leave - that is not okay!!! that is “get out now before i call the cops” territory. </s>
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AITA for deliberately waking up my bf?
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so my bf (35)and i (31) have been together just over a year and live together. we have very different sleep schedules, i work early so i'm used to going to bed at 10pm latest. he likes to stay up and used to start work at 10am compared to my 8am start (i have to wake up at 6 to get there). due to everything going on atm i'm working, i work for the nhs and he lost his job. last night i came home from work and i was shattered. i ended up going to bed at 8pm and thought i'd get up at 5.30am to get a shower in. he stayed up late playing poker. now due to my health conditions and the impact of sleep on them we previously agreed that if he comes up to bed after 1am he should sleep in the spare room or on the sofa or where ever because he disturbs me when he comes to bed. anyway last night i get woken up at 4am!! he comes in and starts making noise moving the covers and i just got so pissed off. i screamed that he was selfish and what was he doing? then grabbed my stuff and slept in the spare room. he came in and said 'what does sleeping in another from accomplish?' and i said i could sleep better. anyway i wake up at 5.30, still pissed off and clang around the kitchen a bit and then went into the bedroom to take my tablets and slammed the door. he sent me a text message on my way to work stating
thanks for purposely waking me up... now i'll only get three hours sleep today
i mean.. come on!! he's not doing anything all day, he can sleep as long as he wants!! i was deliberately loud so he could understand where i'm coming from. if i'm tired and don't do my job properly people could get hurt or die if i make a mistake. not to mention i could get ill again and end up seriously ill.
i feel that he's in the wrong and that he's not valuing my health, my job or wellbeing.
he thinks i'm out of line cos i woke him up at 7am..
| 448 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g743rj/aita_for_deliberately_waking_up_my_bf/
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2020-04-24 07:31:21
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nta
>thanks for purposely waking me up... now i'll only get three hours sleep today
i'm sure he'll manage to laze around fine on 3hrs of sleep.
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nta. he was rude and inconsiderate af and i’m fairly certainly he’ll be okay for one day on little sleep doing...what sounds like nothing.
(though i do think yall should have a calm sit down where you go over the previously negotiated boundary [of sleeping in the other room after x time]. quarantine has made for some anxious and testy bedfellows so it can’t hurt to calmly discuss this and reinforce its necessity after you both have calmed down a bit.)
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esh, he sucks for waking you up but you shouldn’t have been petty like that
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esh he shouldn’t have woken you up but you shouldn’t have retaliated. what is that going to solve? everyone is just going to be even more angry. use your words.
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esh - he was extremely foolish for being so damn inconsiderate. but you stooped to his level (maybe even worse). when you’re mad as hell like you were in the morning, maybe just avoid talking to him in general until you’ve calmed down enough to speak to him about why you’re angry at him.
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nta - your health and livelihood are both important, especially right now. cohabitation is hard, but you guys laid down ground rules as far as your sleep schedule goes and it sounds like he agreed but then broke the agreement at 4am one day. now you're annoyed and sleep deprived because he was inconsiderate.
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unpopular, but yta.
>i wake up at 5.30, still pissed off and clang around the kitchen a bit and then went into the bedroom to take my tablets and slammed the door.
how is that a fair punishment in response to:
>he comes in and starts making noise **moving the covers** and i just got so pissed off.
you're upset because he *moved the blanket?* i'm sorry, but you screaming at him, making a racket in the kitchen, and slamming the door because he simply moved the bed covers is a massive overreaction. if you're that sensitive to noise, you and your so need to get separate bedrooms. its not fair for you to either explode at him or force him to sleep on the couch because *you're* a sensitive sleeper and your sleep schedules are different.
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tbh, i cant get over the fact that you work for the nhs and you arent showering right when you get home after work, especially with everything that's been going on....... with that said, esh.
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nta: im the type to reply with something petty like yeah, sucks being woken up when you really need the rest. and then finish it off with the fact that peoples lives are in your hands and if i never need my health dealt with i would certainly also hope that nurse got that last hour of sleep it can be so crucial. good for you for putting your foot down.
and i'm the same way i drive very large awkward machinery and move cargo that's capable of killing people if i dont pay attention. if i dont get enough sleep no way am i driving anything that last hour of sleep can sometimes be detrimental to my day real talk.
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nta. 3 mornings a week, i start at 530, which means getting up at 430. i have a policy that if you know this and send me a text after 9pm the previous night, you get a reply at 430 😃
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.519938 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my bf (35)and i (31) have been together just over a year and live together. we have very different sleep schedules, i work early so i'm used to going to bed at 10pm latest. he likes to stay up and used to start work at 10am compared to my 8am start (i have to wake up at 6 to get there). due to everything going on atm i'm working, i work for the nhs and he lost his job. last night i came home from work and i was shattered. i ended up going to bed at 8pm and thought i'd get up at 5.30am to get a shower in. he stayed up late playing poker. now due to my health conditions and the impact of sleep on them we previously agreed that if he comes up to bed after 1am he should sleep in the spare room or on the sofa or where ever because he disturbs me when he comes to bed. anyway last night i get woken up at 4am!! he comes in and starts making noise moving the covers and i just got so pissed off. i screamed that he was selfish and what was he doing? then grabbed my stuff and slept in the spare room. he came in and said 'what does sleeping in another from accomplish?' and i said i could sleep better. anyway i wake up at 5.30, still pissed off and clang around the kitchen a bit and then went into the bedroom to take my tablets and slammed the door. he sent me a text message on my way to work stating thanks for purposely waking me up... now i'll only get three hours sleep today i mean.. come on!! he's not doing anything all day, he can sleep as long as he wants!! i was deliberately loud so he could understand where i'm coming from. if i'm tired and don't do my job properly people could get hurt or die if i make a mistake. not to mention i could get ill again and end up seriously ill. i feel that he's in the wrong and that he's not valuing my health, my job or wellbeing. he thinks i'm out of line cos i woke him up at 7am..
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my bf (35)and i (31) have been together just over a year and live together. we have very different sleep schedules, i work early so i'm used to going to bed at 10pm latest. he likes to stay up and used to start work at 10am compared to my 8am start (i have to wake up at 6 to get there). due to everything going on atm i'm working, i work for the nhs and he lost his job. last night i came home from work and i was shattered. i ended up going to bed at 8pm and thought i'd get up at 5.30am to get a shower in. he stayed up late playing poker. now due to my health conditions and the impact of sleep on them we previously agreed that if he comes up to bed after 1am he should sleep in the spare room or on the sofa or where ever because he disturbs me when he comes to bed. anyway last night i get woken up at 4am!! he comes in and starts making noise moving the covers and i just got so pissed off. i screamed that he was selfish and what was he doing? then grabbed my stuff and slept in the spare room. he came in and said 'what does sleeping in another from accomplish?' and i said i could sleep better. anyway i wake up at 5.30, still pissed off and clang around the kitchen a bit and then went into the bedroom to take my tablets and slammed the door. he sent me a text message on my way to work stating thanks for purposely waking me up... now i'll only get three hours sleep today i mean.. come on!! he's not doing anything all day, he can sleep as long as he wants!! i was deliberately loud so he could understand where i'm coming from. if i'm tired and don't do my job properly people could get hurt or die if i make a mistake. not to mention i could get ill again and end up seriously ill. i feel that he's in the wrong and that he's not valuing my health, my job or wellbeing. he thinks i'm out of line cos i woke him up at 7am.. [/INST] nta >thanks for purposely waking me up... now i'll only get three hours sleep today i'm sure he'll manage to laze around fine on 3hrs of sleep. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to watch cousins for free at Easter dinner so adults can "have a break?"
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i (16f) am the eldest cousin (parents had me young) all 6 of my cousin's are under 10 years old (5 year old male twins, 3 year old girl, 8 year old boy, 6 year old girl and 4 year old boy), the adults wanted me to keep the kids entertained the whole so they could socialize. i asked for money for babysitting and everyone got pissed with me.
my mother said i was rude because the parents "deserved a break" and i should help because i'm family. but i really don't think it's my responsibility and i don't even like kids that much. they cited it'd be "good practice" for "when i have kids" but i don't think i even want them. but ofcourse my 14 year old brother didn't have to do anything, i guess bc he's a boy he's off the hook with child care?
aita?
| 4,711 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ud8poz/aita_for_refusing_to_watch_cousins_for_free_at/
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2022-04-27 17:16:36
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nta
> my mother said i was rude because the parents "deserved a break" and i should help because i'm family. but i really don't think it's my responsibility and i don't even like kids that much.
i would say that it’s a lot ruder to demand free labor from a guest at a gathering. six kids under 10 would be too many for one babysitter in any case. parents can have a break when they pay a sitter.
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"because it's family" is not an excuse for free babysitting.
tell them they can look for a sitter who will do it for free "because they deserve a break" and that if they can't you will be available for whatever amount/per hour.
nta
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nta. you deserve a break as well and didn't choose to have the kids so......
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nta.
a simple "no thank you"
tell them "i am planning on enjoying easter dinner this year and are not interested in babysitting anyone's children without a prior agreement".
if they get all upset that you won't babysit for them, ask them who's idea it was to volunteer you without your permission.
then tell that person they are now in charge of babysitting the kids.
&#x200b;
then simply don't babysit the kids, do what you want, the parents can either watch their own kids or let them run free not your problem, seriously if your having it at a family place the kids will practically take care of themselves by playing with each other and with the toys around the house.
&#x200b;
* edit to say, it really depends on what they are asking of you.
if the parents are just going to be in the other room getting dinner ready or cleaned up afterwards and they just want you to hang out in the same room to make sure a kid doesn't die or try to jump off the top of the dresser, then that's one thing & most people would probably just be on their phone anyways and you should probably be willing to watch the kids for a bit, but if they want you to be the babysitter, ie entertain the kids, feed, clean up after them or babysit while they leave the house for more then an half hour, thats a big "no thank you" as you walk away from them..
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your family is sexist and this
>"when i have kids"
is very inappropriate to say to a child.
nta
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nta.
the gender thing is 1000% valid. i’m also willing to bet you hear a lot about responsibility. well, if it’s your responsibility to study so you can get good grades— it’s their responsibility to hire a sitter so they can have a break.
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nta that’s a lot of kids for a 16 year old to handle. they can certainly ask, but you made your decision and said no and they should respect that.
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aren't folk generous when it comes to donating other people's labour? nta.
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nta. “good practice for when you have kids”? garbage ideology.
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nta. they don't "deserve" a break, thats not how having kids work. they're not your kids, so they're not your problem unless you agree to it and that can include requiring payment. their sense of entitlement is absolutely ridiculous, as is their decision to make it your problem because you're a girl. the sexism is real and disgusting.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (16f) am the eldest cousin (parents had me young) all 6 of my cousin's are under 10 years old (5 year old male twins, 3 year old girl, 8 year old boy, 6 year old girl and 4 year old boy), the adults wanted me to keep the kids entertained the whole so they could socialize. i asked for money for babysitting and everyone got pissed with me. my mother said i was rude because the parents "deserved a break" and i should help because i'm family. but i really don't think it's my responsibility and i don't even like kids that much. they cited it'd be "good practice" for "when i have kids" but i don't think i even want them. but ofcourse my 14 year old brother didn't have to do anything, i guess bc he's a boy he's off the hook with child care? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (16f) am the eldest cousin (parents had me young) all 6 of my cousin's are under 10 years old (5 year old male twins, 3 year old girl, 8 year old boy, 6 year old girl and 4 year old boy), the adults wanted me to keep the kids entertained the whole so they could socialize. i asked for money for babysitting and everyone got pissed with me. my mother said i was rude because the parents "deserved a break" and i should help because i'm family. but i really don't think it's my responsibility and i don't even like kids that much. they cited it'd be "good practice" for "when i have kids" but i don't think i even want them. but ofcourse my 14 year old brother didn't have to do anything, i guess bc he's a boy he's off the hook with child care? aita? [/INST] nta > my mother said i was rude because the parents "deserved a break" and i should help because i'm family. but i really don't think it's my responsibility and i don't even like kids that much. i would say that it’s a lot ruder to demand free labor from a guest at a gathering. six kids under 10 would be too many for one babysitter in any case. parents can have a break when they pay a sitter. </s>
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AITA for telling a stranger to not touch my baby
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i have a sickly baby. he's four months old but is a late preemie as he was born at 35+6 weeks.
since his birth, he's been in and out of hospital & has had multiple health issues. he was born with jaundice and ended up having an exchange transfusion to help clean the red blood cells. while i was waiting for an appointment for his surgery on his feet (bilateral talipes), he caught sickness bug off my oldest (3m). i thought it was a cold but ended up taking him to hospital after 24 hour & it was rsv. i panicked as he was back in nicu for a bit.
now, he's on the mend and was discharged from hospital 2 week ago. i was going to shop with my kids when someone approached and struck up conversation up about kids. i don't like talking to strangers anyway but was polite enough. this stranger then tried to put their hands on my new son. i told them nicely but firmly to not touch the baby. they ignored and did it anyway. i then moved quickly (baby in sling) & maybe shouted "i said dont touch my baby!" this stranger then told me how disrespectful my generation is & how back in those days everyone did it and how i'm just going to raise disrespectful children. telling me i'm just a kid having kids & that i shouldn't speak to my elders like i did. they reached out again & ended up brushing their finger against my baby's cheek and bottom lip. i was livid and really shouted, rather loudly "hands off my child!" this person said that i'm an awful person to speak to someone like i did and then walked off muttering something i didn't quite hear.
now, we've just come out of pandemic and i don't know this person nor their hygiene routine and i don't want randoms touching my kids.
i asked my friend if i'm ta and she said i shouldn't have shouted, i am the ta for doing that when i could've stayed calm, that the person is probably harmless & it's just how people are where we are (lil county south england) & it's normal here where it isn't where i am from.
aita?
| 3,349 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yuz5di/aita_for_telling_a_stranger_to_not_touch_my_baby/
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2022-11-14 13:18:45
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nta. there is no reason a stranger ever needs to touch your baby. if they didn't listen the first time, raising your voice is not unreasonable. they are the one that was rude for not respecting your boundaries.
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nta at all
i’m so sorry that someone made you feel uncomfortable in public.
i don’t know why this older generation feels so entitled, i’m currently pregnant and it’s the older generation who gets offended when i put mandatory “whooping cough” vaccines in place when visiting my baby.
“back in my day no one got sick, babies are stronger than you think”
it’s infuriating!!
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gotta go with nta. i think your mama bear instincts kicked in. you were protecting your sick child. you said “no” and the stranger completely disregarded it, not once but several times! some people don’t have any respect for boundaries set by others. just because you *want* to touch someone does not mean you *get* to touch someone. this includes babies, pregnant womens’ baby bump, hair you might find interesting, the fabric of someone’s clothes, poking to get someone’s attention, anything sexual without consent, the list goes on. no means no + ask before acting. like, what is so difficult about these concepts?
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nta you tried to tell this person calmly at first. you had to get loud when they ignored you the first time. even if your baby was perfectly healthy, the pandemic is more than enough reason to turn someone away.
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nta. you stated your boundaries and they crossed them several times. we are still in a pandemic and touching a baby is not “harmless”.
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nta. your baby is vulnerable and even if he wasn't....you don't touch people without consent, especially not after a global pandemic. tell your friend to go and eat grass. they are ta. it doesn't matter "that is how people here behave" ...where i come from, 2 kisses on the cheek is the standard when you meet someone you're close with but also sometimes when you're introduced to someone...and guess what? most people stopped during the pandemic.
customs over safety? hell no.
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nta, you aren't required to let people touch your baby. it's weird that someone would want to touch a stranger's baby
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you ask them politely not to, they did cross your boundary. your reasons for not wanting them to touch your child are sound but in this case dont matter. you said no and they did not respect that. old people are incredibly entitled with all this back in our generation bull shit. it is just an excuse. i would not even have put up with talking with them. nta
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nta- not even the asshole for shouting. you don’t touch people without permission and as it’s your baby and they can’t give permission it’s on you to protect their health and happiness.
considering how dirty some people are i find it insane that people are so blasé about touching babies. there’s no need. unless specifically invited to hold or touch the baby people should back off.
when our kids were babies i had to ask people politely to not touch them and not get in their face. they’re a stranger, there’s no reason for them to be close. they can say hello without their hands.
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“it’s just how people are”
what a load of crap.
“no” is a complete sentence and they didn’t listen.
people are manky, babies are fragile at the best of times, you were absolutely nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a sickly baby. he's four months old but is a late preemie as he was born at 35+6 weeks. since his birth, he's been in and out of hospital & has had multiple health issues. he was born with jaundice and ended up having an exchange transfusion to help clean the red blood cells. while i was waiting for an appointment for his surgery on his feet (bilateral talipes), he caught sickness bug off my oldest (3m). i thought it was a cold but ended up taking him to hospital after 24 hour & it was rsv. i panicked as he was back in nicu for a bit. now, he's on the mend and was discharged from hospital 2 week ago. i was going to shop with my kids when someone approached and struck up conversation up about kids. i don't like talking to strangers anyway but was polite enough. this stranger then tried to put their hands on my new son. i told them nicely but firmly to not touch the baby. they ignored and did it anyway. i then moved quickly (baby in sling) & maybe shouted "i said dont touch my baby!" this stranger then told me how disrespectful my generation is & how back in those days everyone did it and how i'm just going to raise disrespectful children. telling me i'm just a kid having kids & that i shouldn't speak to my elders like i did. they reached out again & ended up brushing their finger against my baby's cheek and bottom lip. i was livid and really shouted, rather loudly "hands off my child!" this person said that i'm an awful person to speak to someone like i did and then walked off muttering something i didn't quite hear. now, we've just come out of pandemic and i don't know this person nor their hygiene routine and i don't want randoms touching my kids. i asked my friend if i'm ta and she said i shouldn't have shouted, i am the ta for doing that when i could've stayed calm, that the person is probably harmless & it's just how people are where we are (lil county south england) & it's normal here where it isn't where i am from. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a sickly baby. he's four months old but is a late preemie as he was born at 35+6 weeks. since his birth, he's been in and out of hospital & has had multiple health issues. he was born with jaundice and ended up having an exchange transfusion to help clean the red blood cells. while i was waiting for an appointment for his surgery on his feet (bilateral talipes), he caught sickness bug off my oldest (3m). i thought it was a cold but ended up taking him to hospital after 24 hour & it was rsv. i panicked as he was back in nicu for a bit. now, he's on the mend and was discharged from hospital 2 week ago. i was going to shop with my kids when someone approached and struck up conversation up about kids. i don't like talking to strangers anyway but was polite enough. this stranger then tried to put their hands on my new son. i told them nicely but firmly to not touch the baby. they ignored and did it anyway. i then moved quickly (baby in sling) & maybe shouted "i said dont touch my baby!" this stranger then told me how disrespectful my generation is & how back in those days everyone did it and how i'm just going to raise disrespectful children. telling me i'm just a kid having kids & that i shouldn't speak to my elders like i did. they reached out again & ended up brushing their finger against my baby's cheek and bottom lip. i was livid and really shouted, rather loudly "hands off my child!" this person said that i'm an awful person to speak to someone like i did and then walked off muttering something i didn't quite hear. now, we've just come out of pandemic and i don't know this person nor their hygiene routine and i don't want randoms touching my kids. i asked my friend if i'm ta and she said i shouldn't have shouted, i am the ta for doing that when i could've stayed calm, that the person is probably harmless & it's just how people are where we are (lil county south england) & it's normal here where it isn't where i am from. aita? [/INST] nta. there is no reason a stranger ever needs to touch your baby. if they didn't listen the first time, raising your voice is not unreasonable. they are the one that was rude for not respecting your boundaries. </s>
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WIBTA for not giving my cousin my vintage American girl doll?
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alrighty, so for those of you who don’t know, an american girl doll is an 18-inch doll that can vary in ethnicities, time periods or origin, faith, and social classes. for some reason, these dolls are very expensive; about $100 for a new one. this doesn’t include extra clothing and accessories which can be $30-$50 per set.
vintage is probably an overstatement, but i have a felicity doll in its original clothing that comes in the set. i got this when i was younger and have taken very good care of it, so it’s in pretty good condition. this doll has been since discontinued. because of this reason, this doll can be sold for at least x5 the original value ($500) on ebay or at auction.
i am a broke college student and was planning on selling the doll for some extra funds. my cousin who is 8, has wanted an american girl doll for about a year now. my aunt and uncle, since finding out i still have the doll, have been hinting that i should give my cousin the doll since i don’t play with it anymore along with other reasons.
my aunt and uncle are low/ middle class. they pay all their bills on time and they most certainly can afford the doll given they have enough time to save some money. my cousin has never expressed interest in my particular doll since mine is discontinued. she has only expressed wanting an american girl doll in general.
my mother has said i should give my doll away since it would be nice for my cousin to have it, and so my aunt and uncle can save their money for something else, and that “i shouldn’t let money be the most important thing in my life.” i don’t really want to give the doll to my cousin as i could get a lot of money that could help me with my bills, tuition, etc. especially since it isn’t just an ordinary doll, but a rare one. my aunt and uncle said my cousin would be sad if i didn’t give it to her. i love my cousin dearly and don’t want to hurt her feelings, but she is a child and can get over it after some time has passed.
so reddit, wibta for not giving my cousin my american girl doll?
| 850 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fw0ymo/wibta_for_not_giving_my_cousin_my_vintage/
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2020-04-06 15:42:41
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nta. it's yours, and you need to make ends meet. it's pretty shitty of them to try to guilt you into giving away your doll when selling it could really help you financially, especially since your cousin doesn't even have a particular interest in that doll. they're essentially asking you to give a $500 gift to your cousin, which is insane.
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nta. you’re not morally obligated to give your family your stuff for free just because they’re related to you and might want it
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nta nta nta. i had a bunch of vintage american girl dolls (also felicity) and i kept them at my grandma's for storage. she gave them to my cousin. i'm still fuming. hold onto it op. they're very valuable and collectable and will only continue to appreciate in value.
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nta. your cousin didn't say she wanted *your* doll, just *a* doll. yours is vintage and not one that is a toy anymore.
perhaps your family doesn't understand just how valuable your doll is now. they're just looking at it as though you have a toy.
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nah. i still have my felicity doll. i also have my sister's molly doll so they can sit together. i also have giant plastic tubs filled with their outfits and accessories.
these dolls (and their outfits) are expensive. they also hold quite a bit of sentimental attachment for me and my sister. the bulk of that sentimentality comes from the fact that my sister and i would look through the catalog together and pick out the things we wanted for birthdays and holidays.
if your cousin loved the red headed, spunky colonial girl and wanted felicity in particular, i think it would be nice if you worked out something with your aunt and uncle. "this particular doll is a collector's item and i was planning on selling her for $500 to pay for rent. i'd be willing to sell her to you for $400 and pay in installments."
if you don't think your family would take that well, i'd be honest with them. "i picked felicity because i loved her. i could have chosen samantha or addy or kirsten, but i picked out felicity for myself. little cousin should be allowed to pick out her own american girl - it's more special that way."
then again, i'm a 31 year old that keeps two dolls on top of her bookcase with no plans to sell them.
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info: have you actually put the doll up for sale? send your family the link and tell them good luck on bidding lol
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they make target brand 18 inch dolls for $20-30, a little more for one with a storybook. maybe send a link to those to her parents? if you want to be incredibly kind, i'd sell yours and let her choose a new ag doll for $100, and obviously keep the extra cash. you don't have to be any means, but it'd be better than being pressured into giving her your $500 doll.
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nta, your doll you can do whatever you want.
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you could sell the doll and get her a new one and make $3-400. you don’t have to though, you’ll be nta either way.
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nta. it's your doll. you need the money. they have no right to emotionally manipulate you into gifting your cousin the doll. stick to your guns, op.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.009259 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: alrighty, so for those of you who don’t know, an american girl doll is an 18-inch doll that can vary in ethnicities, time periods or origin, faith, and social classes. for some reason, these dolls are very expensive; about $100 for a new one. this doesn’t include extra clothing and accessories which can be $30-$50 per set. vintage is probably an overstatement, but i have a felicity doll in its original clothing that comes in the set. i got this when i was younger and have taken very good care of it, so it’s in pretty good condition. this doll has been since discontinued. because of this reason, this doll can be sold for at least x5 the original value ($500) on ebay or at auction. i am a broke college student and was planning on selling the doll for some extra funds. my cousin who is 8, has wanted an american girl doll for about a year now. my aunt and uncle, since finding out i still have the doll, have been hinting that i should give my cousin the doll since i don’t play with it anymore along with other reasons. my aunt and uncle are low/ middle class. they pay all their bills on time and they most certainly can afford the doll given they have enough time to save some money. my cousin has never expressed interest in my particular doll since mine is discontinued. she has only expressed wanting an american girl doll in general. my mother has said i should give my doll away since it would be nice for my cousin to have it, and so my aunt and uncle can save their money for something else, and that “i shouldn’t let money be the most important thing in my life.” i don’t really want to give the doll to my cousin as i could get a lot of money that could help me with my bills, tuition, etc. especially since it isn’t just an ordinary doll, but a rare one. my aunt and uncle said my cousin would be sad if i didn’t give it to her. i love my cousin dearly and don’t want to hurt her feelings, but she is a child and can get over it after some time has passed. so reddit, wibta for not giving my cousin my american girl doll?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
alrighty, so for those of you who don’t know, an american girl doll is an 18-inch doll that can vary in ethnicities, time periods or origin, faith, and social classes. for some reason, these dolls are very expensive; about $100 for a new one. this doesn’t include extra clothing and accessories which can be $30-$50 per set. vintage is probably an overstatement, but i have a felicity doll in its original clothing that comes in the set. i got this when i was younger and have taken very good care of it, so it’s in pretty good condition. this doll has been since discontinued. because of this reason, this doll can be sold for at least x5 the original value ($500) on ebay or at auction. i am a broke college student and was planning on selling the doll for some extra funds. my cousin who is 8, has wanted an american girl doll for about a year now. my aunt and uncle, since finding out i still have the doll, have been hinting that i should give my cousin the doll since i don’t play with it anymore along with other reasons. my aunt and uncle are low/ middle class. they pay all their bills on time and they most certainly can afford the doll given they have enough time to save some money. my cousin has never expressed interest in my particular doll since mine is discontinued. she has only expressed wanting an american girl doll in general. my mother has said i should give my doll away since it would be nice for my cousin to have it, and so my aunt and uncle can save their money for something else, and that “i shouldn’t let money be the most important thing in my life.” i don’t really want to give the doll to my cousin as i could get a lot of money that could help me with my bills, tuition, etc. especially since it isn’t just an ordinary doll, but a rare one. my aunt and uncle said my cousin would be sad if i didn’t give it to her. i love my cousin dearly and don’t want to hurt her feelings, but she is a child and can get over it after some time has passed. so reddit, wibta for not giving my cousin my american girl doll? [/INST] nta. it's yours, and you need to make ends meet. it's pretty shitty of them to try to guilt you into giving away your doll when selling it could really help you financially, especially since your cousin doesn't even have a particular interest in that doll. they're essentially asking you to give a $500 gift to your cousin, which is insane. </s>
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WIBTA if I don’t attend my best friend’s wedding because she won’t let me wear makeup?
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tldr: my best friend thinks i will overshadow her at her wedding if i wear makeup. i look a lot better with makeup than without, and she has a history of pointing this out. i’m not confident without makeup and feel pretty sabotaged by this.
i am the moh for my best friend of many years’ wedding. i’ve been breaking my back for months now, even taking time off work, to help her with planning and all the other things that go into a wedding. to be clear, i do not want to or plan to end this friendship over this, i just don’t really know what to do
for context: i am a makeup artist, i wear makeup everyday, and i am good at it. in my opinion (and as my friend had told me) i am significantly more attractive with makeup on, and in all honestly i lack confidence without it. i also have a scar on my face that i hide with makeup, and am very insecure about. i bring this up because in the past, my friend has made many comments about my appearances and my makeup to men i’ve been interested in. she says things like “you should see her without makeup” when a guy expresses interest in me, or talks about how “it can be wiped away” if a man calls me pretty/beautiful. in the past, she has apologized for these comments saying she was just jealous i got more male attention than her, but the comments have continued, even recently during her engagement. personally i don’t think it’s true i get more male attention, given that she is getting married and i’m single, but people have made comments to her in the past calling her “the ugly friend” (i disagree) so i partly understand this insecurity.
this morning, i woke up to a text from her thanking me for all my help these past months, and saying she had an important request for me: that i don’t wear any makeup to her wedding. she says if i wear makeup i will “overshadow” (her words) her at her own wedding and it would be unfair because she wants to feel like the most beautiful person in the room as the bride. i told her that was ridiculous, it’s a wedding, everyone will be wearing makeup and i won’t look good or properly dressed up in the photos if i don’t. i also offered to do more natural makeup and make sure hers was more bright/noticeable than mine (i’m doing her makeup free of charge). she turned this down and said i absolutely cannot wear makeup, it’s her wedding, a real friend would want her to have the perfect day, etc. she accused me of wanting to take the attention from her on her special day, etc. she absolutely refuses to compromise, despite not being able to answer why i specifically can’t wear makeup but everyone else can...
i don’t think this is fair. she knows i’m not as confident without makeup on and won’t like how i look in the pictures. she knows i have an (albeit minor) scar i’m not comfortable showing. she knows i’ll look out of place among everyone else who will definitely be made up.... but we’ve been discussing it all day and she won’t budge. wibta if i just don’t go?
| 4,117 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nfun6k/wibta_if_i_dont_attend_my_best_friends_wedding/
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2021-05-19 03:23:08
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nta. also, this person is not your friend. at all.
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nta - tell her fine, if you can't wear makeup you will withdraw completely from her wedding and not do her makeup, either. your friend is jealous and mean and not really a friend. this kind is jealousy is ugly.
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nta
this woman is not your friend.
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nta, and also,this person isn't much of a friend, if they often belittle you and say mean things about you in general and to men in particular.
you don't have to end the friendship, but you should really give some thought to how you are affected by allowing someone to treat you like garbage whenever it's convenient for her or benefits her in some way.
back out of the wedding and let her pay someone to do her makeup. she's been this way for years without consequences so it's not likely she's going to change anytime soon, or change for her wedding.
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nta: this person is not your friend. a friend wouldn't put you down the way yours has been. beauty is a construct and pretty is a set of skills or winning a genetic lotto. you've done nothing wrong. wearing makeup or not is a personal choice and no one should decide for you either way.
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what you describe is not a friendship!
hon, friends don't tell guys that express interest that the pretty can be wiped away. friends might share they are jealous or their opinions but don't actively sabotage happiness or confidence.
good riddance, you've given this person time and support. she's aware of your insecurity with the scar. she's not being a friend to anyone by demanding something like this on a day with multiple photographs. explain politely but firmly that it is your decision what does and doesn't go on your face, including the day of her wedding. if she's concerned about your makeup standing her up, that's an insecurity she needs to address directly not attempt to control through controlling you.
nta
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nta and what why is this person still called your “best friend?”
the literal point of makeup is to alter one’s appearance. telling you and love-interests your entire friendship that you’re ugly without makeup is absolutely disgusting and childish behavior. i hope you find a better best friend. best friends should lift each other up, especially on special days.
personally i would never remain a moh nor bridesmaid for someone who told me i couldn’t (wear makeup, show my tattoos, had to dye my hair, etc etc) at their wedding. you can (try to) remain friends and just tell her you are not able to be part of her wedding. i expect she will likely end the friendship if you do, though, based on her behavior as described in the op.
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wow! i am so sorry that you are being treated this way by somebody who claims to be your friend. it sounds like it’s been really hard dealing with trying to feel secure with yourself, and make up helps with that. for her to turn around and attack you over and over for something you feel insecure about already is just mean and in my opinion abusive.
she has clearly acknowledged that she does it out of jealousy, and yet she continues to hurt you anyway? and she claims to be a friend? she also uses your labor and support, only to turn around and try to make you looks bad at her wedding out of insecurity again?
nope. not a friend. i would not go to the wedding, and i would try to get whatever money back that you can after dumping it into such an entitled mean spirited jerk.
i know you said you don’t want to end the friendship, but isn’t this her drawing a line in the sand herself and making it clear that she doesn’t actually view you as a friend but as competition? actual friends try to support and uplift each other, not tear each other down out of jealousy. i would think long and hard about continuing this friendship.
honestly not going to the wedding will probably be the death knell anyway: she sounds self absorbed enough to take offense to you not going. but if you choose to go and not wear make up as requested, then you are kinda encouraging her thought process and encouraging her treatment of you.
what if you go without the make up and she decides to take that opportunity to make mean comments about it? that’s the type of person she sounds like.
if you truly want to hold on to this person and go to the wedding then i would just do the ‘natural’ make make up. but don’t be surprised if she starts a fight with you.
i mean seriously, what is she afraid of? that her groom is going to run off with you during the wedding if you wear make up? like, come on. if she is that petty and jealous over a long term friend just looking good, i bet her marriage isn’t going to last very long either. i actually would be curious to know if her fiancé knows about this; the kind of things she has said to you and how hurtful she has been. if i were her fiancé and i knew that’s how she treats her ‘friends’ that would be a huge red flag for me. but i bet she’s probably making herself the victim in all her narratives to him about how you apparently upstage her all the time and how she probably thinks you do so on purpose. that’s what abusers do, make themselves the victim when they can’t control their own feelings.
basically, nta. but she is.
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nta. your "friend" sounds immature, insecure and more than a little bit cruel. she has judged your appearance in the past and informed you that you look better with makeup knowing full well that this is an insecurity of yours. her banning you from wearing makeup is not about you potentially overshadowing her, but about making you feel unattractive, especially as you use makeup to cover a facial scar about which you are understandably insecure. this is a hill to die on and you may want to reconsider this friendship. you deserve better. good luck!
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i know that because of the time you have spent in this relationship it would be hard to lose. however this woman is not your friend. a friend would never make you not wear makeup just so they could feel better about themself. she’s selfish. i know it’s her big day but if she can’t be i confident in herself, you not wearing makeup won’t change that. please take a good look at this. personally i would drop out. i would say, that’s ok i’m going to go ahead and drop out of the wedding party and just be a guest. i don’t feel comfortable with your request. nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tldr: my best friend thinks i will overshadow her at her wedding if i wear makeup. i look a lot better with makeup than without, and she has a history of pointing this out. i’m not confident without makeup and feel pretty sabotaged by this. i am the moh for my best friend of many years’ wedding. i’ve been breaking my back for months now, even taking time off work, to help her with planning and all the other things that go into a wedding. to be clear, i do not want to or plan to end this friendship over this, i just don’t really know what to do for context: i am a makeup artist, i wear makeup everyday, and i am good at it. in my opinion (and as my friend had told me) i am significantly more attractive with makeup on, and in all honestly i lack confidence without it. i also have a scar on my face that i hide with makeup, and am very insecure about. i bring this up because in the past, my friend has made many comments about my appearances and my makeup to men i’ve been interested in. she says things like “you should see her without makeup” when a guy expresses interest in me, or talks about how “it can be wiped away” if a man calls me pretty/beautiful. in the past, she has apologized for these comments saying she was just jealous i got more male attention than her, but the comments have continued, even recently during her engagement. personally i don’t think it’s true i get more male attention, given that she is getting married and i’m single, but people have made comments to her in the past calling her “the ugly friend” (i disagree) so i partly understand this insecurity. this morning, i woke up to a text from her thanking me for all my help these past months, and saying she had an important request for me: that i don’t wear any makeup to her wedding. she says if i wear makeup i will “overshadow” (her words) her at her own wedding and it would be unfair because she wants to feel like the most beautiful person in the room as the bride. i told her that was ridiculous, it’s a wedding, everyone will be wearing makeup and i won’t look good or properly dressed up in the photos if i don’t. i also offered to do more natural makeup and make sure hers was more bright/noticeable than mine (i’m doing her makeup free of charge). she turned this down and said i absolutely cannot wear makeup, it’s her wedding, a real friend would want her to have the perfect day, etc. she accused me of wanting to take the attention from her on her special day, etc. she absolutely refuses to compromise, despite not being able to answer why i specifically can’t wear makeup but everyone else can... i don’t think this is fair. she knows i’m not as confident without makeup on and won’t like how i look in the pictures. she knows i have an (albeit minor) scar i’m not comfortable showing. she knows i’ll look out of place among everyone else who will definitely be made up.... but we’ve been discussing it all day and she won’t budge. wibta if i just don’t go?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tldr: my best friend thinks i will overshadow her at her wedding if i wear makeup. i look a lot better with makeup than without, and she has a history of pointing this out. i’m not confident without makeup and feel pretty sabotaged by this. i am the moh for my best friend of many years’ wedding. i’ve been breaking my back for months now, even taking time off work, to help her with planning and all the other things that go into a wedding. to be clear, i do not want to or plan to end this friendship over this, i just don’t really know what to do for context: i am a makeup artist, i wear makeup everyday, and i am good at it. in my opinion (and as my friend had told me) i am significantly more attractive with makeup on, and in all honestly i lack confidence without it. i also have a scar on my face that i hide with makeup, and am very insecure about. i bring this up because in the past, my friend has made many comments about my appearances and my makeup to men i’ve been interested in. she says things like “you should see her without makeup” when a guy expresses interest in me, or talks about how “it can be wiped away” if a man calls me pretty/beautiful. in the past, she has apologized for these comments saying she was just jealous i got more male attention than her, but the comments have continued, even recently during her engagement. personally i don’t think it’s true i get more male attention, given that she is getting married and i’m single, but people have made comments to her in the past calling her “the ugly friend” (i disagree) so i partly understand this insecurity. this morning, i woke up to a text from her thanking me for all my help these past months, and saying she had an important request for me: that i don’t wear any makeup to her wedding. she says if i wear makeup i will “overshadow” (her words) her at her own wedding and it would be unfair because she wants to feel like the most beautiful person in the room as the bride. i told her that was ridiculous, it’s a wedding, everyone will be wearing makeup and i won’t look good or properly dressed up in the photos if i don’t. i also offered to do more natural makeup and make sure hers was more bright/noticeable than mine (i’m doing her makeup free of charge). she turned this down and said i absolutely cannot wear makeup, it’s her wedding, a real friend would want her to have the perfect day, etc. she accused me of wanting to take the attention from her on her special day, etc. she absolutely refuses to compromise, despite not being able to answer why i specifically can’t wear makeup but everyone else can... i don’t think this is fair. she knows i’m not as confident without makeup on and won’t like how i look in the pictures. she knows i have an (albeit minor) scar i’m not comfortable showing. she knows i’ll look out of place among everyone else who will definitely be made up.... but we’ve been discussing it all day and she won’t budge. wibta if i just don’t go? [/INST] nta. also, this person is not your friend. at all. </s>
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AITA for not giving my PS4 to my friend?
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ok, so here's what happened. i was telling my friend that i was potentially getting a new gaming pc, when he asks if he can have my ps4 or nintendo switch. i told him that i would think about the ps4, but it was a no to the switch. fast forward to the next day, i tell him that i'll see what i can do about giving him my ps4, but no promises. i ended up having to ask my dad if i could give it away to him, to which he said that it would be a smarter decision to sell it and use the 250-300 bucks i would get and put it towards the new pc.
so i tell my friend that, and he starts getting pissed off at me, telling me that i'm a huge dick for "getting him all hyped up about the ps4, and then just up and sell it." i tried explaining to him that i know that it was a dick move, but i'm choosing to go the smarter route and sell it instead of just giving it away for free.
so i ask, reddit. am i the asshole?
(
| 2,146 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l1zsy8/aita_for_not_giving_my_ps4_to_my_friend/
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2021-01-21 14:47:04
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nta...thinking about something isn't the same as promising then changing your mind. also who expects a gaming system for free.
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nta. you said you would think about it. unless you said you would absolutely give it to him, then nothing is set in stone. plus, it’s really bold of your friend to ask for you to just give him a ps4. hopefully he doesn’t ask you to give him things often.
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nta - why would he expect something for free.
how old are you btw?
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nta. there has to be a compromise here. perhaps give him a deal. $200, easy sale.
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nta. your friend is a choosing begger
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nta. your friend got himself hyped up. you made no promises. it's not a dick move when it's literally your stuff in the first place.
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nta. you never told him he could have it, he just assumed that he could
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nta. you didn't get your friend hyped, he did that himself. ill think about it and yes are 2 different things. your dad is right, a much smarter decision to sell it and use the money on your new gear
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listen man, just keep the ps4. everyone else has covered the nta part of this. i'm focusing on your gaming here. just keep it. i guarantee there are games on that console that you'll want to play 5 years from now that won't be on pc.
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nta
you never actually offered him the ps4. you only said you'd think about it. it's his own fault for getting his hopes up for no reason.
if your friend really wants it, maybe he could buy it off you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok, so here's what happened. i was telling my friend that i was potentially getting a new gaming pc, when he asks if he can have my ps4 or nintendo switch. i told him that i would think about the ps4, but it was a no to the switch. fast forward to the next day, i tell him that i'll see what i can do about giving him my ps4, but no promises. i ended up having to ask my dad if i could give it away to him, to which he said that it would be a smarter decision to sell it and use the 250-300 bucks i would get and put it towards the new pc. so i tell my friend that, and he starts getting pissed off at me, telling me that i'm a huge dick for "getting him all hyped up about the ps4, and then just up and sell it." i tried explaining to him that i know that it was a dick move, but i'm choosing to go the smarter route and sell it instead of just giving it away for free. so i ask, reddit. am i the asshole? (
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok, so here's what happened. i was telling my friend that i was potentially getting a new gaming pc, when he asks if he can have my ps4 or nintendo switch. i told him that i would think about the ps4, but it was a no to the switch. fast forward to the next day, i tell him that i'll see what i can do about giving him my ps4, but no promises. i ended up having to ask my dad if i could give it away to him, to which he said that it would be a smarter decision to sell it and use the 250-300 bucks i would get and put it towards the new pc. so i tell my friend that, and he starts getting pissed off at me, telling me that i'm a huge dick for "getting him all hyped up about the ps4, and then just up and sell it." i tried explaining to him that i know that it was a dick move, but i'm choosing to go the smarter route and sell it instead of just giving it away for free. so i ask, reddit. am i the asshole? ( [/INST] nta...thinking about something isn't the same as promising then changing your mind. also who expects a gaming system for free. </s>
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AITA for not accepting my teacher’s “compliment”?
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background: i (17f) have an eating disorder that has caused me to lose an unhealthy amount of weight. (i am currently getting treatment and doing well, which is why i’m attending school.) a majority of this was lost during the period that we did online/virtual schooling, so a lot of people were shocked at how i looked when we went back to in-person.
as you can imagine, the comments about it can get pretty tiring, especially when people think it’s a compliment. i know that i can only choose how i react, so i typically try to just say “yep!” because it’s usually students or parents that don’t know any better. today, after i mentioned to my friend that it was cold in the building (i don’t think it was rude, i just said “wow, it’s chilly,”), my teacher (52m) turned and exclaimed loudly how “i’ve really lost a ton of weight, i get thinner every time he sees me,” and, “i’m seriously really thin.” (he kept saying more stuff to lengthen the sentence as well. it dragged on.) he’s made comments before telling me to smile more, calling young women students “sweetie”, “honey”, etc (but not male students), etc. and as i’m already very fed up with the weight comments, i deadpanned back, “well, i have an illness that affects my weight.”
i’m worried that i’m ta if he really did mean it as a compliment, and i’m also worried that it sounds like i’m trying to guilt-trip him. my illness is a part of my life that affects my body, and i don’t need sympathy, but i don’t think it’s appropriate for a teacher to comment on it. however, one of my family members said i overreacted, which is very possible as i was emotionally shaken up. i also want to add that i’m generally very polite with teachers and try to be pleasant, i’ve never talked back like this before which is also why i feel like i may be out of line.
thank you for your honesty if you respond. :)
| 907 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mucqk3/aita_for_not_accepting_my_teachers_compliment/
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2021-04-19 22:50:56
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nta. no teacher should ever make a comment about a student’s body. and if he had concerns about your weight, he could’ve taken you aside or something. instead he just seemed to want you to know that he’s noticing your body. creepy.
what you said was the truth and perfectly warranted.
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nta.
teachers shouldn't be commenting like that, whether they're "complimenting" or not. he shouldn't be telling girls to "smile more" and calling them nicknames. that's fucking disgusting.
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i had an undiagnosed eating disorder for most of my life. i constantly got complimented when i was seriously underweight. as soon as i gained a bit of weight, people would be quick to mention that as well. it really fucks with you. i am still not 100% nta
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nta - your teacher should never comment on a student's body, let alone the "honey" and "sweetie" comments. gross
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nta. commenting on your body, calling you sweetie and honey. and “smile more”
gross
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nta, not at all. honestly, it really shouldn't matter if he (or anyone for that matter) meant it as a compliment or not. it is wholly inappropriate for ppl, particularly a teacher/person of authority, to be commenting on your body. it is really that simple.
your teacher's intent has absolutely no bearing on the [in]appropriateness of his comments. not to mention, his other comments re calling female students "honey" & "sweetie" are cringey on a whole different level.
so please don't feel bad for calling your teacher (or anyone) out for these unappreciated comments. and tbh, i think your response was rather gentle & polite under the circumstances. you could've been far more firm in your response & i still would've said not the ah.
you may want to consider escalating this situation to your parents, guidance counselor, or principal/school administrator. it really isn't your job to put this teacher in his place, the school needs to do that. and if it's just a matter of providing this teacher with better coaching on how to handle these situations, then they should do that. it's not like you need to march into administration demanding he be fired. you just want to bring the matter to their attention so it can be noted/properly addressed. plus, if he makes these comments to you again, or takes any retaliatory action at all, it will serve you well to have documented the experience with your school.
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nta it is never appropriate for a teacher to comment on a student's appearance. he should feel guilty it was a jerk move.
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nta. nobody should be commenting on your weight, whatever the intention it perpetuates fat-phobia and body dysphoria for people of all sizes.
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nta - that's a hell of a lot less rude than the responses that jump to mind for me, honestly! i have a friend who once dropped a bunch of weight after going through cancer treatments and she said the thing that pissed her off most was people telling her how "great" she looked for losing weight. her response eventually became, "oh thanks, the cancer ate it all. glad you're on cancer's team" and it was honestly a delight to watch people get flustered and sputter their apologies in response.
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nta he has *zero* business commenting on your body, even as a compliment.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: background: i (17f) have an eating disorder that has caused me to lose an unhealthy amount of weight. (i am currently getting treatment and doing well, which is why i’m attending school.) a majority of this was lost during the period that we did online/virtual schooling, so a lot of people were shocked at how i looked when we went back to in-person. as you can imagine, the comments about it can get pretty tiring, especially when people think it’s a compliment. i know that i can only choose how i react, so i typically try to just say “yep!” because it’s usually students or parents that don’t know any better. today, after i mentioned to my friend that it was cold in the building (i don’t think it was rude, i just said “wow, it’s chilly,”), my teacher (52m) turned and exclaimed loudly how “i’ve really lost a ton of weight, i get thinner every time he sees me,” and, “i’m seriously really thin.” (he kept saying more stuff to lengthen the sentence as well. it dragged on.) he’s made comments before telling me to smile more, calling young women students “sweetie”, “honey”, etc (but not male students), etc. and as i’m already very fed up with the weight comments, i deadpanned back, “well, i have an illness that affects my weight.” i’m worried that i’m ta if he really did mean it as a compliment, and i’m also worried that it sounds like i’m trying to guilt-trip him. my illness is a part of my life that affects my body, and i don’t need sympathy, but i don’t think it’s appropriate for a teacher to comment on it. however, one of my family members said i overreacted, which is very possible as i was emotionally shaken up. i also want to add that i’m generally very polite with teachers and try to be pleasant, i’ve never talked back like this before which is also why i feel like i may be out of line. thank you for your honesty if you respond. :)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
background: i (17f) have an eating disorder that has caused me to lose an unhealthy amount of weight. (i am currently getting treatment and doing well, which is why i’m attending school.) a majority of this was lost during the period that we did online/virtual schooling, so a lot of people were shocked at how i looked when we went back to in-person. as you can imagine, the comments about it can get pretty tiring, especially when people think it’s a compliment. i know that i can only choose how i react, so i typically try to just say “yep!” because it’s usually students or parents that don’t know any better. today, after i mentioned to my friend that it was cold in the building (i don’t think it was rude, i just said “wow, it’s chilly,”), my teacher (52m) turned and exclaimed loudly how “i’ve really lost a ton of weight, i get thinner every time he sees me,” and, “i’m seriously really thin.” (he kept saying more stuff to lengthen the sentence as well. it dragged on.) he’s made comments before telling me to smile more, calling young women students “sweetie”, “honey”, etc (but not male students), etc. and as i’m already very fed up with the weight comments, i deadpanned back, “well, i have an illness that affects my weight.” i’m worried that i’m ta if he really did mean it as a compliment, and i’m also worried that it sounds like i’m trying to guilt-trip him. my illness is a part of my life that affects my body, and i don’t need sympathy, but i don’t think it’s appropriate for a teacher to comment on it. however, one of my family members said i overreacted, which is very possible as i was emotionally shaken up. i also want to add that i’m generally very polite with teachers and try to be pleasant, i’ve never talked back like this before which is also why i feel like i may be out of line. thank you for your honesty if you respond. :) [/INST] nta. no teacher should ever make a comment about a student’s body. and if he had concerns about your weight, he could’ve taken you aside or something. instead he just seemed to want you to know that he’s noticing your body. creepy. what you said was the truth and perfectly warranted. </s>
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AITA for not apologizing to my coworker
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**throwaway account because while i don't think my coworkers use reddit, my main is identifiable.**
**i (33f) have an infant (7 months) who has been coming to the office with me. i work in an office of all women, all of whom are mothers. my boss allows me to bring my infant to work with me, and he's a relatively easy baby so he has been coming sporadically since one week old.**
**several months ago i really struggled with ppa. this is not my first baby and i had really bad ppd with my older children so i am cognizant of the signs and my limits. my coworkers were aware of my struggles, but they mostly resolved when he started sleeping longer stretches and i have been feeling out of the fog since at least christmas.**
**last week my baby was teething (not just cutting one tooth, but four in addition to the one that had broken through the week before). i worked a day remotely because he was fussy and we wouldn't have been productive in the office. the next day i needed to be in, and there were no clients, so i brought him. he was still very fussy and it did trigger my anxiety. i had the door to my office closed and was sorting and gathering files in order to get us packed up to go and work from home. i was talking to myself, and shushing him, and i was a bit flustered. in the midst of this my mom that she would take him. i ended up dumping the stack of files into a box. as i was turning to find my keys with baby in arm and trying to quiet him down my coworker came in. she told her to give her the baby. i told her i was fine and that i just needed my keys and to go home to my mom. i was exasperated. i was walking towards the other door to leave, she followed me and grabbed my arm and told me to give her the baby and tried to take him from my arms. i told her not to touch me, and she reiterated to give her the baby and tried to take him again, then i snapped and told her not to touch me very angrily and louder. i took the baby to an empty office to calm both of us down.**
**when i returned to grab my keys she came in and telling me that no one had ever spoken to her like that and if i did not apologize i better never ask her for help again because she would never give it. i asked her if anyone had ever tried to rip her child from her arms. she told me i was storming around and going to hurt him (i was not and i don't know how she came to this conclusion, but assume it was from when i dumped the files into the box to grab him and leave without them instead).**
**i think i might be the asshole because my coworker who was not present (and likely has heard her side as well) says i should apologize because she was worried about me.**
| 146 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/srziy4/aita_for_not_apologizing_to_my_coworker/
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2022-02-14 02:28:32
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nta. no one should ever be trying to take your child from you without your consent. even if she was trying to help, she could’ve asked or suggested what to do. you’ve made it clear that you did not want her taking your child and she kept pushing, and then followed and grabbed you. i would’ve had the same reaction as a mother. nta.
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i know everyone is voting nta but i don’t think it’s possible to vote. there are strong indications that what you’re posting - how you think you came across and how you perceived her actions as aggressive - is widely different to how she would experienced the same encounter. seems like you appeared a lot more aggravated than you thought, and could well have been quite concerning to witness if you’re in a clear state of distress storming around and making rapid movements whilst carrying a crying baby. there’s every chance she got the wrong impression and that things weren’t as bad as they looked, but neither did you see yourself to judge how it looked to her. i see no reason not to conclude that she was trying to help your baby.
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info: has she ever insisted on taking the baby before? does she act out in other ways in the office that’s not her place to do so?
if the answer is no, i’m kinda finding it hard to believe she’d try taking the baby without good reason. you might have looked more upset and dangerous than you think. also, would it be such a big deal to say you are sorry for lashing out and then calmly telling her that you appreciate her concern? again this is dependent on the answers to my questions because you didn’t give any background on this coworker and whether she’s got a history of overstepping…
people judging here on reddit, you need to stop and think—if another poster on here said they’d taken a baby from someone that was acting dangerously and then that parent hurt themselves or something, you’d be praising that poster for interceding to protect the baby. let’s get more info before throwing out judgments against someone who might have had good reason to act. totally willing to judge op as not ta if she’ll answer my questions honestly.
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esh. babies don't belong in the workplace. fussy babies especially don't belong in the workplace. mothers who admittedly have mental health issues exacerbated by fussy babies shouldn't take their babies to the workplace. you are absolutely an asshole who needs to quit your job or find a daycare provider.
your coworker gets a lot of sympathy for being desperate to make the baby quit crying in her workplace. i reluctantly call her an asshole for not stopping when you said no.
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nta
she refused to listen when you said no and invaded your personal space as well as trying to remove your child from you. she owes you the apology.
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nta. no one just tries to snatch someone's child away from someone without expecting a hostile response.
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yta
it sounds like you were being erratic…just from the post so i can only imagine the reality. you don’t have to apologize but like she said, don’t even look to her for help going forward. oh, and less sympathy from all your coworkers too.
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esh. your coworker definitely sucks for putting hands on you in any way, shape, or form. she's the bigger ah. but honestly? babies don't belong in the workplace and i guarantee you this has been really annoying for your coworkers. (and i say that as a mom of 2.) i'm sorry that you've been struggling with ppd and maybe your coworker thought you needed help. what you're describing - screaming baby, you're super flustered, you're dropping papers, scrambling for keys - sounds pretty chaotic. it's possible your colleague was trying to help, and maybe in your distress you misunderstood her intent. she still never should have touched you, but this whole situation sounds bonkers.
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yta for thinking that because coworkers are " mothers". mind you having a newborn at work. you sound like you were exacerbate by an overall bad situation. you also say you have ppd. after second request to hold baby was refused she should have backed off. i'm sure though you a site to witness. yta because a baby never belongs in work environment when teething with a ill tempered mother
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esh stop bringing your baby into an office space
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.740105 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **throwaway account because while i don't think my coworkers use reddit, my main is identifiable.** **i (33f) have an infant (7 months) who has been coming to the office with me. i work in an office of all women, all of whom are mothers. my boss allows me to bring my infant to work with me, and he's a relatively easy baby so he has been coming sporadically since one week old.** **several months ago i really struggled with ppa. this is not my first baby and i had really bad ppd with my older children so i am cognizant of the signs and my limits. my coworkers were aware of my struggles, but they mostly resolved when he started sleeping longer stretches and i have been feeling out of the fog since at least christmas.** **last week my baby was teething (not just cutting one tooth, but four in addition to the one that had broken through the week before). i worked a day remotely because he was fussy and we wouldn't have been productive in the office. the next day i needed to be in, and there were no clients, so i brought him. he was still very fussy and it did trigger my anxiety. i had the door to my office closed and was sorting and gathering files in order to get us packed up to go and work from home. i was talking to myself, and shushing him, and i was a bit flustered. in the midst of this my mom that she would take him. i ended up dumping the stack of files into a box. as i was turning to find my keys with baby in arm and trying to quiet him down my coworker came in. she told her to give her the baby. i told her i was fine and that i just needed my keys and to go home to my mom. i was exasperated. i was walking towards the other door to leave, she followed me and grabbed my arm and told me to give her the baby and tried to take him from my arms. i told her not to touch me, and she reiterated to give her the baby and tried to take him again, then i snapped and told her not to touch me very angrily and louder. i took the baby to an empty office to calm both of us down.** **when i returned to grab my keys she came in and telling me that no one had ever spoken to her like that and if i did not apologize i better never ask her for help again because she would never give it. i asked her if anyone had ever tried to rip her child from her arms. she told me i was storming around and going to hurt him (i was not and i don't know how she came to this conclusion, but assume it was from when i dumped the files into the box to grab him and leave without them instead).** **i think i might be the asshole because my coworker who was not present (and likely has heard her side as well) says i should apologize because she was worried about me.**
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
**throwaway account because while i don't think my coworkers use reddit, my main is identifiable.** **i (33f) have an infant (7 months) who has been coming to the office with me. i work in an office of all women, all of whom are mothers. my boss allows me to bring my infant to work with me, and he's a relatively easy baby so he has been coming sporadically since one week old.** **several months ago i really struggled with ppa. this is not my first baby and i had really bad ppd with my older children so i am cognizant of the signs and my limits. my coworkers were aware of my struggles, but they mostly resolved when he started sleeping longer stretches and i have been feeling out of the fog since at least christmas.** **last week my baby was teething (not just cutting one tooth, but four in addition to the one that had broken through the week before). i worked a day remotely because he was fussy and we wouldn't have been productive in the office. the next day i needed to be in, and there were no clients, so i brought him. he was still very fussy and it did trigger my anxiety. i had the door to my office closed and was sorting and gathering files in order to get us packed up to go and work from home. i was talking to myself, and shushing him, and i was a bit flustered. in the midst of this my mom that she would take him. i ended up dumping the stack of files into a box. as i was turning to find my keys with baby in arm and trying to quiet him down my coworker came in. she told her to give her the baby. i told her i was fine and that i just needed my keys and to go home to my mom. i was exasperated. i was walking towards the other door to leave, she followed me and grabbed my arm and told me to give her the baby and tried to take him from my arms. i told her not to touch me, and she reiterated to give her the baby and tried to take him again, then i snapped and told her not to touch me very angrily and louder. i took the baby to an empty office to calm both of us down.** **when i returned to grab my keys she came in and telling me that no one had ever spoken to her like that and if i did not apologize i better never ask her for help again because she would never give it. i asked her if anyone had ever tried to rip her child from her arms. she told me i was storming around and going to hurt him (i was not and i don't know how she came to this conclusion, but assume it was from when i dumped the files into the box to grab him and leave without them instead).** **i think i might be the asshole because my coworker who was not present (and likely has heard her side as well) says i should apologize because she was worried about me.** [/INST] nta. no one should ever be trying to take your child from you without your consent. even if she was trying to help, she could’ve asked or suggested what to do. you’ve made it clear that you did not want her taking your child and she kept pushing, and then followed and grabbed you. i would’ve had the same reaction as a mother. nta. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that I am parent too of our daughter and can I also decide who can visit?
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my (m) wife (f) and my mother have a troubled relationship mainly for political reasons (brazilian here).
since 2018 (we've been together for 8 years), there hasn't been a single meeting between them that hasn't been discussed or needled on either side. because of this, they haven't talked or seen each other for 2 years, but i still keep in touch with her despite having different opinions.
my mother battled cancer 2x in her life and the third time it came aggressive and she is in palliative care now. she's still lucid, but it's getting harder and harder.
we decided to have a baby our daughter was born 3 months ago.
apart from her mother, we had no visitors and only now have we started to allow some visits at home from her family and going out (i am an only child of only children).
my mother had a relapse and stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks, she is not well and as much as it hurts to say this, she is in her last months and maybe in her last lucid.
i talked to my wife about me wanting to take our daughter to my mother's house. she said she didn't trust my mother and was adamant in her answer. i tried to talk to her saying it was something important to me before it's too late and she's my only close living relative (father died 15 years ago) and it could only be an hour. she also said that it is not and i was very angry saying that i also have a voice as paren and that i can also decide who knows our daughter.
she started saying that i'm overstepping her limit and disrespecting her decision.
i really don't think it's an exorbitant request.
and yes, we left the house with the baby to go to friends and family already.
aita?
| 505 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xc4omy/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_am_parent_too_of/
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2022-09-12 05:49:34
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nta.
why is your wife hung up on trusting your mother? does she think your mother, who is in hospice care, is going to be the primary caregiver during the trip? isn't your infant basically just going to be held or in a stroller/car seat? literally, wtf is your wife thinking?
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overstepping her limit and disrespecting her decision … what!!! she does understand that you being the baby’s father have equal rights. whatever the difference for sake grandma’s at the end of her life. how could your wife be so cruel to a dying grandmother nta but your wife big time ah.
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nta, yes she is your daughter too. your wife needs to keep her petty ego aside. what does she think your mom will do on her hospital bedside???
please take your child to meet your mother
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esh
i'm sensing some missing reasons here. for example, you say that the reason your mother and wife don't get along is mostly political. but she says she doesn't trust your mother - which suggests that these political disagreements have aspects that affect your mother's behavior and decisions in ways your wife considers unsafe.
if you were in the us, i'd suspect this was about vaccination - your mother's politics leading her to be hostile to vaccinations and public health measures, and your wife considering that unsafe for your child. i don't know if things are playing out the same way in brazil.
politics and actions are often linked, and dismissing disagreements as being political without careful consideration of how those politics are expressed as actions would be a real problem.
the two of you need to have a more clear discussion about why your wife doesn't trust your mother, and if there are safety aspects to her distrust.
in addition, your child is only 3 months old. if she is breastfeeding, it is entirely inappropriate to keep her away from her mother. her body isn't adapted to formula, and not being able to feed her would be physically painful for your wife - pumping is not always practical or pain-free.
you say that you have taken your baby out, occasionally. your wife is not okay with your mother's house. would she be okay if your mother came to a place very, very close to your house, so that you could meet her there, visit in a public space rather than one your mother controls, and your wife could be nearby but not involved, such as you and your mom eating at one table in a restaurant, and your wife at a separate table within sight of yours but not in hearing range? or perhaps nearby benches in a public park, so you're in fresh air?
there are a variety of potential ways to fix this, and taking the baby away from your wife to the home of someone your wife doesn't trust is one of the worse options.
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info: has your mother done something to put another person in danger? you as a kid, your wife, anyone else? i'm trying to determine whether she's just overly stressed or if she has good reason to feel this way.
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info: what does your wife not "trusting" your mother have anything to do with your mother meeting a baby?
also, at the end, when you say that you've already left the house to go to friends and family, are you saying that you just ignored what she said and took your daughter to see your mother?
it's usually a bad idea for any spouse to hear what the other is saying and intentionally ignore and override it. that's usually a sign of a bigger communication issue that creates deeper problems.
that said, it is also unreasonable for your wife to make a unilateral decision like that.
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jesus. nta. your wife made a unilateral decision. typically, shouldn’t couples discuss something before making a rule given the severity of the rule at issue? and shouldn’t the rule have exceptions?
i don’t think you’re an asshole for saying you’re a parent and can decide on who sees your daughter, too. it’s a fair fact to state. good luck navigating your way through this dude. sounds tough.
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your baby is 3months old. what will your ill mother do? indoctrinate her with her politics or abduct her? no. nta. your wife is overstepping, imo.
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nta
what does she except ? she does not trust your mother but what is she implying ?
the baby is 3 months old. she is not gonna take her to a political meeting or give her pamphlet.
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info:
are your wife and child poc and your mother racist, or are they marginalised in some other way and your mothers political views put them in danger?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.114998 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (m) wife (f) and my mother have a troubled relationship mainly for political reasons (brazilian here). since 2018 (we've been together for 8 years), there hasn't been a single meeting between them that hasn't been discussed or needled on either side. because of this, they haven't talked or seen each other for 2 years, but i still keep in touch with her despite having different opinions. my mother battled cancer 2x in her life and the third time it came aggressive and she is in palliative care now. she's still lucid, but it's getting harder and harder. we decided to have a baby our daughter was born 3 months ago. apart from her mother, we had no visitors and only now have we started to allow some visits at home from her family and going out (i am an only child of only children). my mother had a relapse and stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks, she is not well and as much as it hurts to say this, she is in her last months and maybe in her last lucid. i talked to my wife about me wanting to take our daughter to my mother's house. she said she didn't trust my mother and was adamant in her answer. i tried to talk to her saying it was something important to me before it's too late and she's my only close living relative (father died 15 years ago) and it could only be an hour. she also said that it is not and i was very angry saying that i also have a voice as paren and that i can also decide who knows our daughter. she started saying that i'm overstepping her limit and disrespecting her decision. i really don't think it's an exorbitant request. and yes, we left the house with the baby to go to friends and family already. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (m) wife (f) and my mother have a troubled relationship mainly for political reasons (brazilian here). since 2018 (we've been together for 8 years), there hasn't been a single meeting between them that hasn't been discussed or needled on either side. because of this, they haven't talked or seen each other for 2 years, but i still keep in touch with her despite having different opinions. my mother battled cancer 2x in her life and the third time it came aggressive and she is in palliative care now. she's still lucid, but it's getting harder and harder. we decided to have a baby our daughter was born 3 months ago. apart from her mother, we had no visitors and only now have we started to allow some visits at home from her family and going out (i am an only child of only children). my mother had a relapse and stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks, she is not well and as much as it hurts to say this, she is in her last months and maybe in her last lucid. i talked to my wife about me wanting to take our daughter to my mother's house. she said she didn't trust my mother and was adamant in her answer. i tried to talk to her saying it was something important to me before it's too late and she's my only close living relative (father died 15 years ago) and it could only be an hour. she also said that it is not and i was very angry saying that i also have a voice as paren and that i can also decide who knows our daughter. she started saying that i'm overstepping her limit and disrespecting her decision. i really don't think it's an exorbitant request. and yes, we left the house with the baby to go to friends and family already. aita? [/INST] nta. why is your wife hung up on trusting your mother? does she think your mother, who is in hospice care, is going to be the primary caregiver during the trip? isn't your infant basically just going to be held or in a stroller/car seat? literally, wtf is your wife thinking? </s>
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AITA for using details from my divorce in a book I wrote?
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my (38f) marriage ended 5 years ago after i learned my ex husband was cheating on me with someone who i considered to be one of my best friends. it broke my heart and i was angry. my biggest source of anger came from the frustration that i had to co-parent with him and the fact she was going to be my kids stepmom after everything she did to me. i was so angry that i wrote a novel and got a lot of my anger and frustration out in that. that book wasn't much but i self-published it a year after the divorce, thinking nothing of it. i made some pocket change on it and mostly forgot it existed.
i didn't use their names or anything but there were some details that are unique to us or at least would be not be details in every cheating situation with a friend.
my ex's wife picked up my book during lockdown and they put the pieces together. i denied it but he said he knew it was me and he was furious. he was furious that i would put out something like that about them and risk the kids finding it. he accused me of trying to feed the kids information that would turn them against him and his wife. but the book was under a pen name that has nothing to do with me and my kids do not know i wrote a book. they also know their dad cheated. they were old enough to put the pieces together when dad moved in in june and was engaged in july. i have told them any issues between their father and i are not about them and they do not have to hate them for me. that conversation killed me but for them i had it.
ex claims it was reckless and selfish for me to do it. i told him he had no right to judge me.
do you guys think he's right that i should at least never have published it? nobody else would know but the three of us and it's not all that huge. it sold very little and i'm not leaving copies in my home.
aita?
| 3,911 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jxn6ki/aita_for_using_details_from_my_divorce_in_a_book/
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2020-11-20 11:09:36
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nta.
>ex claims it was reckless and selfish for me to do it.
that is a big accusation considering where it's come from.
ok, so let's run a balance sheet.
- kids lived through a divorce
- kids had to watch mums bestie become step mother
- kids had to watch mum deal with betrayal
- mum writes an anonymous book expressing her emotions at the situation in a manner that the children cannot view
ex bestie is probably just horrified because she started reading the book having sympathy for your character and then had to turn that into anger rather than reflect on her part in causing you pain
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nta. if he’s so worried about the kids turning against him he should have conducted himself in a more appropriate manner.
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nta he can suck it, he's just going into "oh shit" mode that his dirty laundry is out in the world in any form, even if it can't be identified as him. you're a bigger person than me, i'd have told the kids all the aweful details.
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nta. you didn’t use real names and if his poor behaviour is something he’s ashamed for other people to read about even with that level of anonymity then he should have thought about that before he did it.
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info: honestly, i'd love to check out your book. i understand if you don't want to post a link to it publicly but would it be ok to dm you for a link to wherever i can purchase an ebook?
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nta. you turned lemons into lemonade, did a little cathartic self therapy, and made some benjamins and all without pointing fingers. good for you!
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hahaha - tell your ex - if he’s not ashamed of anything he did, then nothing to worry about. tell him he’s lucky you didnt use their real names.
nta
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[deleted]
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info: how did this woman happen to come across your book?
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nta, writers use things from their real experiences all the time, and they don't always employ the courtesy of a pseudonym as you did. i heard sylvia plath more or less threw a dozen people under the bus in the bell jar, which is "fiction" in the loosest sense of the word. if no-one knows you wrote it, nobody can identify him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (38f) marriage ended 5 years ago after i learned my ex husband was cheating on me with someone who i considered to be one of my best friends. it broke my heart and i was angry. my biggest source of anger came from the frustration that i had to co-parent with him and the fact she was going to be my kids stepmom after everything she did to me. i was so angry that i wrote a novel and got a lot of my anger and frustration out in that. that book wasn't much but i self-published it a year after the divorce, thinking nothing of it. i made some pocket change on it and mostly forgot it existed. i didn't use their names or anything but there were some details that are unique to us or at least would be not be details in every cheating situation with a friend. my ex's wife picked up my book during lockdown and they put the pieces together. i denied it but he said he knew it was me and he was furious. he was furious that i would put out something like that about them and risk the kids finding it. he accused me of trying to feed the kids information that would turn them against him and his wife. but the book was under a pen name that has nothing to do with me and my kids do not know i wrote a book. they also know their dad cheated. they were old enough to put the pieces together when dad moved in in june and was engaged in july. i have told them any issues between their father and i are not about them and they do not have to hate them for me. that conversation killed me but for them i had it. ex claims it was reckless and selfish for me to do it. i told him he had no right to judge me. do you guys think he's right that i should at least never have published it? nobody else would know but the three of us and it's not all that huge. it sold very little and i'm not leaving copies in my home. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (38f) marriage ended 5 years ago after i learned my ex husband was cheating on me with someone who i considered to be one of my best friends. it broke my heart and i was angry. my biggest source of anger came from the frustration that i had to co-parent with him and the fact she was going to be my kids stepmom after everything she did to me. i was so angry that i wrote a novel and got a lot of my anger and frustration out in that. that book wasn't much but i self-published it a year after the divorce, thinking nothing of it. i made some pocket change on it and mostly forgot it existed. i didn't use their names or anything but there were some details that are unique to us or at least would be not be details in every cheating situation with a friend. my ex's wife picked up my book during lockdown and they put the pieces together. i denied it but he said he knew it was me and he was furious. he was furious that i would put out something like that about them and risk the kids finding it. he accused me of trying to feed the kids information that would turn them against him and his wife. but the book was under a pen name that has nothing to do with me and my kids do not know i wrote a book. they also know their dad cheated. they were old enough to put the pieces together when dad moved in in june and was engaged in july. i have told them any issues between their father and i are not about them and they do not have to hate them for me. that conversation killed me but for them i had it. ex claims it was reckless and selfish for me to do it. i told him he had no right to judge me. do you guys think he's right that i should at least never have published it? nobody else would know but the three of us and it's not all that huge. it sold very little and i'm not leaving copies in my home. aita? [/INST] nta. >ex claims it was reckless and selfish for me to do it. that is a big accusation considering where it's come from. ok, so let's run a balance sheet. - kids lived through a divorce - kids had to watch mums bestie become step mother - kids had to watch mum deal with betrayal - mum writes an anonymous book expressing her emotions at the situation in a manner that the children cannot view ex bestie is probably just horrified because she started reading the book having sympathy for your character and then had to turn that into anger rather than reflect on her part in causing you pain </s>
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AITA for leaving my friend behind at the airport???
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throwaway for reasons.
my friends and i had a guys weekend recently. i agreed to drive my friend and i to the airport since we were catching the same flight. leaving the same day. at the same time. i told him to be ready by 1pm for a 2:52pm flight departing from newark. we were 35 minutes away.
he calls me at 12:20pm to ask, "are you still good for 1pm". clearly this meant that he in fact was not still good and would not be good for 1pm. i tell my friend ,”prioritize your things for 1:15 and we'll be good.” we were not good.
i get to his house at 1:15 and he asked me to walk his dog ...while he shaved...🤦🏿♂️
he proceeds to finally finish packing and we leave his house... at 1:35 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️
we get to the airport, park and start moving with haste through the terminal. when we're close to getting through security, he reluctantly tells me, "shoot, you should go ahead of me. i’ve got my bowling ball with me" 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️
this is not a bowling trip. he is not a professional bowler. he just thinks that we would go bowling. not one of us have an interest in bowling.
i go ahead and get through security and olympic sprint myself to the gate. as i'm on the jet bridge, they announce my friend's name for boarding and for a split second i thought about not saying anything. but, i ran back and explained that he should be five minutes behind me. i call him and text him with no response and the flight takes off without him.
should i feel bad i didn't miss the flight with him? he's been saying i should have kept the time at 1pm. (which he clearly wasn't ready for). aita????
ps: he caught the next flight 3 hrs later and we all had a great time. but he had the temerity to ask me to pick up a toothbrush for him....even though he had time to pack a damn bowling ball.
| 186 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zjg404/aita_for_leaving_my_friend_behind_at_the_airport/
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2022-12-12 00:20:44
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nta
he missed the flight because he wasnt ready, not because you didnt 'keep the time at 1pm' what cheek to blame you for it!
next time when he isnt ready at 1pm, tell him to either come 'as is' or find another way to the airport, and then leave.
he's an adult, he can figure it out himself.
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nta, i would have left his house when he asked you to walk the dog.
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i think you are nta but i also think the entire situation is extremely funny. he forgets a toothbrush but remembers a bowling ball. it's truly entertaining.
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nta, i’m assuming he’s a full grown adult, you’re not responsible for his poor planning at their age. i have a similar sounding friend, he has to bring his guitar everywhere. he cannot play the guitar, no one in our friend group can.
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nta. you left your friend at the airport to make your plane. completely understandable.
your friend made a series of bad decisions about getting prepared that day. why should you bear the brunt of his poor planning???? answer: you should not. you were very patient just getting him to the airport. and the bowling ball?? did ya'll go bowling?
is there another roommate who took care of the dog?
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nta
a fucking bowling ball? wtf?
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nta
this is one of those posts where i genuinely wonder why you would even for a single second entertain the possibility that you’re the asshole. i mean, read through your post. you kept being extremely kind and he kept being extremely childish. you’re not the asshole. he is.
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nta. he told you to go ahead without him, then didn’t respond when you tried to contact him. it sounds like this will blow over.
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nta and i seriously need more info on the bowling ball aspect. what did he do with the bowling ball on the trip? cuddle it at night? take shots out of it?
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for reasons. my friends and i had a guys weekend recently. i agreed to drive my friend and i to the airport since we were catching the same flight. leaving the same day. at the same time. i told him to be ready by 1pm for a 2:52pm flight departing from newark. we were 35 minutes away. he calls me at 12:20pm to ask, "are you still good for 1pm". clearly this meant that he in fact was not still good and would not be good for 1pm. i tell my friend ,”prioritize your things for 1:15 and we'll be good.” we were not good. i get to his house at 1:15 and he asked me to walk his dog ...while he shaved...🤦🏿♂️ he proceeds to finally finish packing and we leave his house... at 1:35 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️ we get to the airport, park and start moving with haste through the terminal. when we're close to getting through security, he reluctantly tells me, "shoot, you should go ahead of me. i’ve got my bowling ball with me" 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️ this is not a bowling trip. he is not a professional bowler. he just thinks that we would go bowling. not one of us have an interest in bowling. i go ahead and get through security and olympic sprint myself to the gate. as i'm on the jet bridge, they announce my friend's name for boarding and for a split second i thought about not saying anything. but, i ran back and explained that he should be five minutes behind me. i call him and text him with no response and the flight takes off without him. should i feel bad i didn't miss the flight with him? he's been saying i should have kept the time at 1pm. (which he clearly wasn't ready for). aita???? ps: he caught the next flight 3 hrs later and we all had a great time. but he had the temerity to ask me to pick up a toothbrush for him....even though he had time to pack a damn bowling ball.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for reasons. my friends and i had a guys weekend recently. i agreed to drive my friend and i to the airport since we were catching the same flight. leaving the same day. at the same time. i told him to be ready by 1pm for a 2:52pm flight departing from newark. we were 35 minutes away. he calls me at 12:20pm to ask, "are you still good for 1pm". clearly this meant that he in fact was not still good and would not be good for 1pm. i tell my friend ,”prioritize your things for 1:15 and we'll be good.” we were not good. i get to his house at 1:15 and he asked me to walk his dog ...while he shaved...🤦🏿♂️ he proceeds to finally finish packing and we leave his house... at 1:35 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️ we get to the airport, park and start moving with haste through the terminal. when we're close to getting through security, he reluctantly tells me, "shoot, you should go ahead of me. i’ve got my bowling ball with me" 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️ this is not a bowling trip. he is not a professional bowler. he just thinks that we would go bowling. not one of us have an interest in bowling. i go ahead and get through security and olympic sprint myself to the gate. as i'm on the jet bridge, they announce my friend's name for boarding and for a split second i thought about not saying anything. but, i ran back and explained that he should be five minutes behind me. i call him and text him with no response and the flight takes off without him. should i feel bad i didn't miss the flight with him? he's been saying i should have kept the time at 1pm. (which he clearly wasn't ready for). aita???? ps: he caught the next flight 3 hrs later and we all had a great time. but he had the temerity to ask me to pick up a toothbrush for him....even though he had time to pack a damn bowling ball. [/INST] nta he missed the flight because he wasnt ready, not because you didnt 'keep the time at 1pm' what cheek to blame you for it! next time when he isnt ready at 1pm, tell him to either come 'as is' or find another way to the airport, and then leave. he's an adult, he can figure it out himself. </s>
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AITA for asking my girlfriend to drop out her Curry day?
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me (25f) and my family (parents and siblings) have lived in japan for 8 years (i was born there). whenever it was colder weather, my mom would make curry for the family. this tradition continued till this day (in another country)... if it's raining or it's cold, on a weekend, my mom will call for lunch/dinner at her house, because it's her curry day. and this is sacred to my mother, she even goes to the center to buy curry imported from japan for this.
my girlfriend camile (26f) has been with me for 7 years. camile and my mother don't have the best relationship, due to disagreements in the past, they manage to stay in the same room without fighting, but they keep nagging each other. camile always participates in the curry days, has even helped in the preparation. and some bad moments are going on because camile keeps making some suggestions for my mom's curry and she (mum) doesn't want to know, but i already told camile to stop.
recently, camile has been bringing up that she wants to make dinner and call my whole family, i agreed until i knew what food she intended to make. she wanted to buy curry importing from japan to make her own curry day tradition
i made it very clear that maybe this wasn't the best idea, because it's a tradition in my family and my mother's curry day is a very important thing for her (the day to see her children and grandchildren all together) and that obviously would generate unnecessary conflict, since there are thousands of other dishes that camile could choose from and she chose precisely to make something that is extremely special to my mother, giving an idea (even if not intentionally) that she would be wanting to compete with my mother.
camile got mad that my mom doesn't own the dish and that she could create her own tradition without having to ask my mom's permission to make a dish that isn't hers.
i said i understood, but i asked her if this is a battle she wants to have with my mother and create an easily manageable discomfort that can solve by choosing any other dish in the world.
she's pretty upset with me, which i understand, but honestly? i just want peace.
and i am based on my mother's reaction, as she was already extremely upset when a sil decided to make this dinner for my brother and the children years ago. my mom doesn't care about many things, but curry's day is important to her.
aita?
| 2,044 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wj2uia/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_drop_out_her/
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2022-08-08 07:46:06
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nta.
even though yes, technically, she can cook whatever she wants, but being right doesn't always mean that you're not an asshole. i think it's pretty clear she's doing it on purpose.
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nta.
but y are ta if you enable camile in this sh\*t stirring. i dunno what camile's other virtues are but she sure don't come across well in this story.
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nta
if she really wanted to start her own tradition she wouldn't pick a dish that already has one.
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nta. this is starting drama for the sake of drama. i’ve had my fair share of disagreements with my (now ex) mil but this is not about your mother…this is about everyone else who will have to deal with the fallout of her petty dinner party.
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nta. camille is very clearly trying to get a rise out of your mom. it would be one thing to make the curry the way she wanted for just the two of you. but to constantly nag your mom about changing the recipe, and then usurp her tradition, and serve her a steaming pile of “in your face” in front of the whole family is completely different.
she knows what she’s doing and she knows that it’s going to cause friction with your mother and people discussing who’s curry is better.
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this sounds like a very yummy problem. she clearly wants to one up your moms curry though.
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>and i am based on my mother's reaction, as she was already extremely upset when a sil decided to make this dinner for my brother and the children years ago. my mom doesn't care about many things, but curry's day is important to her.
i would have said that your girlfriend is the issue if not for this part.
your mom doesn't own the dish. and being quote: "extremely upset" when someone else in the family cooks curry is beyond reasonable. i mean is anyone allowed to cook curry ever? or do they have to wait until your mom makes if they want to have some?
your girlfriend is a party to making the conflict worse, yes. but seriously if someone acted entitled to being the only one in the family who could cook a dish, i might cook it (probs badly) just out sheer stubborness.
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nta, your gf is being an a**.
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nta but mom and gf are. gf is needling your mother for no good reason. she can cook curry when she wants but essentially hijacking yor mom's thing is uncalled for.
your mom needs to get over being upset when someone other than her cooks curry. sil was cooking for her spouse and kids, not the whole family so not trying to hijack her thing.
everyone can use the spice in different ways. and there are many delicious ways. to not eat curry unless your mom makes it is completely unreasonable.
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nta, it sounds like she is trying to wind up your mum. if she just wants to show that she can make a better japanese curry she can cook it just for you and that should be enough. if she wants to host a nice family dinner she should just make something else.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (25f) and my family (parents and siblings) have lived in japan for 8 years (i was born there). whenever it was colder weather, my mom would make curry for the family. this tradition continued till this day (in another country)... if it's raining or it's cold, on a weekend, my mom will call for lunch/dinner at her house, because it's her curry day. and this is sacred to my mother, she even goes to the center to buy curry imported from japan for this. my girlfriend camile (26f) has been with me for 7 years. camile and my mother don't have the best relationship, due to disagreements in the past, they manage to stay in the same room without fighting, but they keep nagging each other. camile always participates in the curry days, has even helped in the preparation. and some bad moments are going on because camile keeps making some suggestions for my mom's curry and she (mum) doesn't want to know, but i already told camile to stop. recently, camile has been bringing up that she wants to make dinner and call my whole family, i agreed until i knew what food she intended to make. she wanted to buy curry importing from japan to make her own curry day tradition i made it very clear that maybe this wasn't the best idea, because it's a tradition in my family and my mother's curry day is a very important thing for her (the day to see her children and grandchildren all together) and that obviously would generate unnecessary conflict, since there are thousands of other dishes that camile could choose from and she chose precisely to make something that is extremely special to my mother, giving an idea (even if not intentionally) that she would be wanting to compete with my mother. camile got mad that my mom doesn't own the dish and that she could create her own tradition without having to ask my mom's permission to make a dish that isn't hers. i said i understood, but i asked her if this is a battle she wants to have with my mother and create an easily manageable discomfort that can solve by choosing any other dish in the world. she's pretty upset with me, which i understand, but honestly? i just want peace. and i am based on my mother's reaction, as she was already extremely upset when a sil decided to make this dinner for my brother and the children years ago. my mom doesn't care about many things, but curry's day is important to her. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (25f) and my family (parents and siblings) have lived in japan for 8 years (i was born there). whenever it was colder weather, my mom would make curry for the family. this tradition continued till this day (in another country)... if it's raining or it's cold, on a weekend, my mom will call for lunch/dinner at her house, because it's her curry day. and this is sacred to my mother, she even goes to the center to buy curry imported from japan for this. my girlfriend camile (26f) has been with me for 7 years. camile and my mother don't have the best relationship, due to disagreements in the past, they manage to stay in the same room without fighting, but they keep nagging each other. camile always participates in the curry days, has even helped in the preparation. and some bad moments are going on because camile keeps making some suggestions for my mom's curry and she (mum) doesn't want to know, but i already told camile to stop. recently, camile has been bringing up that she wants to make dinner and call my whole family, i agreed until i knew what food she intended to make. she wanted to buy curry importing from japan to make her own curry day tradition i made it very clear that maybe this wasn't the best idea, because it's a tradition in my family and my mother's curry day is a very important thing for her (the day to see her children and grandchildren all together) and that obviously would generate unnecessary conflict, since there are thousands of other dishes that camile could choose from and she chose precisely to make something that is extremely special to my mother, giving an idea (even if not intentionally) that she would be wanting to compete with my mother. camile got mad that my mom doesn't own the dish and that she could create her own tradition without having to ask my mom's permission to make a dish that isn't hers. i said i understood, but i asked her if this is a battle she wants to have with my mother and create an easily manageable discomfort that can solve by choosing any other dish in the world. she's pretty upset with me, which i understand, but honestly? i just want peace. and i am based on my mother's reaction, as she was already extremely upset when a sil decided to make this dinner for my brother and the children years ago. my mom doesn't care about many things, but curry's day is important to her. aita? [/INST] nta. even though yes, technically, she can cook whatever she wants, but being right doesn't always mean that you're not an asshole. i think it's pretty clear she's doing it on purpose. </s>
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AITA for letting my daughter’s boyfriend stay the night when my husband doesn’t want him to?
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hi everyone. my daughter turned 18 at the beginning of the year, and graduated from school in may. she was accepted to the university course she wanted in august but decided to defer the year as she wanted to work, save up some money, and have an easy year after how hard she worked last year. my husband and i were both supportive of this as she got a job in july. we agreed that she could stay in my house as long as she paid rent and money toward bills, and she has been giving me £150 per week since august. unbeknownst to her i am putting £125 of this money into a savings account for her to have for when she leaves to go to university, and using the other £25 to cover her bills.
some important information - my husband is not my daughter’s father. i married him when my daughter was 11, and we had one child together after our wedding. he also has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 14 who stays with us fri-sun. all the children get on very well together. in addition, the house we live in is owned by me, it was my father’s house and he left it to me when he died. i own it outright, and my husband is not on the deed. my husband owns his own house that he rents to pay the mortgage.
since my daughter started to pay rent to me, she came and asked if it would be ok if her boyfriend (of over 2 years) to stay the night occasionally. i thought about it, and as far as i’m concerned she is an adult and essentially a tenant, and should be treated as such. i said it was fine for him to stay over as long as they didn’t disturb anybody and that they limited it to 2 nights a week. my daughter was ecstatic with this as she thought i’d say no.
i didn’t think to mention it to my husband (who was at work at the time of the convo with my daughter), and he got a nasty shock the following weekend when my daughters boyfriend didn’t go home. we had a fight about it in our room, as in his opinion it’s completely inappropriate for “a child” to have a boy stay over, and that it’s setting a terrible example for our son and my step daughter. he also thinks that since she’s not “actually” paying rent we shouldn’t act as if she is. in my opinion she’s an adult, paying rent, and old enough to decide if she’s ready for a sexual relationship. the other two kids know her boyfriend well as he’s been in our lives for years and won’t be freaked out by him being around. my husband has said that if it keeps happening that he’s going to tell my daughter’s biological father, who definitely won’t approve.
i can see where my husband is coming from - i definitely should have let him know before the bf stayed the night, but i don’t think this is a big deal overall. my daughter is acting like an adult and should be treated as such. as well as this we typically have a “your child, your responsibility” agreement, where he sets the rules for his daughter, and i for mine.
aita for not wanting to give in to my husband on this issue?
| 162 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e9roug/aita_for_letting_my_daughters_boyfriend_stay_the/
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2019-12-12 18:45:42
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nta.
it’s actually somewhat refreshing to read about a parent who realises their 18 year old is no longer a child, and is giving them the freedom (under your roof) to make their own decisions, good or bad.
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nta!
in fact you sound like you've raised a responsible 18yo (paying rent to her mom!), and are teaching her how to be an adult. you thoughtfully assessed the situation, and deemed her to be ready for the responsibility.
shame on him for infantilizing her, and demeaning you, cuz wtf does he mean "not really paying rent"? fuck off bro. also, threatening to pit your ex against you over it? red flags all around
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nta your daughter is an adult and is paying rent. as far as i'm concerned she didn't even need to tell you. it was a courteous gesture.
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nta
you are being very mature about the whole thing. your daughter isnt a child anymore, and you are treating her like an adult. good for you!
you husband is overreacting. not his kid, not his rules. not his house, not his rules. however, yo should have mentioned it to him just so he wasnt surprised. the shock probably made him react worse than he would have otherwise.
i would talk to your daughter about safe sex and birth control.
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nta. even if he goes running to bio-dad in a tantrum there's not much anyone can do. she's 18, living in your home and paying rent. they have no say over her actions.
personally i'd rather have them at home, safe.
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nta. bless you. i wish more parents had a logical, realist attitude toward parenting like you. your husband is definitely being a bit too controlling towards your daughter's life. as long as she is making smart choices, it seems fine.
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nta. you're right, if you charge your daughter rent then she should be able to have visitors.
> in his opinion it’s completely inappropriate for “a child” to have a boy stay over
look, he needs to realize she will have sex whether he likes it or not.
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nta.
1. she's 18 - not a child.
2. she's not his child. you set the rules for her. he can debate, but he can not dictate.
3. yes, she is paying rent. what you do with that money is up to you, but she is definitely paying rent and as such should have at least some of the rights that a normal tenant does.
4. does he seriously think her boyfriend not staying over would stop them from having sex if they want to?
5. he needs to shut the feck up right now about telling her biological father. it's not his place, it's disloyal to you as his wife, it's damaging to his relationship with your daughter and did i mention it's not his place?
no, you shouldn't give in on this. and i would be having a couple of very serious discussions with your husband about boundaries and especially about threatening to contact your ex to undermine your parenting decisions.
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nta.
you have set rational and fair rules and your daughter has respected them. she's an adult and had negotiated a very reasonable arrangement.
it's not her stepfather's business. i'm assuming he has a problem with her having sex under his roof? he has no say in another adults sex life.
it doesn't set a bad example. quote the contrary- it shows that if you follow the rules and act as an adult you will be treated as an adult.
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nta.
although you should have let your husband know beforehand. she's an adult and has been paying rent (to her knowledge). your husband's ta for threatening to tell your daughter's father about it.
i grew up extremely sheltered. overprotective father. so i would sneak out/lie to my dad in my early twenties about the guys i was seeing. i was responsible, had a job, good grades...but it was such a difficult bridge to cross with my father to get him to see me as a woman that, yes, has sex. i would kill to have a mom like you tbh.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi everyone. my daughter turned 18 at the beginning of the year, and graduated from school in may. she was accepted to the university course she wanted in august but decided to defer the year as she wanted to work, save up some money, and have an easy year after how hard she worked last year. my husband and i were both supportive of this as she got a job in july. we agreed that she could stay in my house as long as she paid rent and money toward bills, and she has been giving me £150 per week since august. unbeknownst to her i am putting £125 of this money into a savings account for her to have for when she leaves to go to university, and using the other £25 to cover her bills. some important information - my husband is not my daughter’s father. i married him when my daughter was 11, and we had one child together after our wedding. he also has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 14 who stays with us fri-sun. all the children get on very well together. in addition, the house we live in is owned by me, it was my father’s house and he left it to me when he died. i own it outright, and my husband is not on the deed. my husband owns his own house that he rents to pay the mortgage. since my daughter started to pay rent to me, she came and asked if it would be ok if her boyfriend (of over 2 years) to stay the night occasionally. i thought about it, and as far as i’m concerned she is an adult and essentially a tenant, and should be treated as such. i said it was fine for him to stay over as long as they didn’t disturb anybody and that they limited it to 2 nights a week. my daughter was ecstatic with this as she thought i’d say no. i didn’t think to mention it to my husband (who was at work at the time of the convo with my daughter), and he got a nasty shock the following weekend when my daughters boyfriend didn’t go home. we had a fight about it in our room, as in his opinion it’s completely inappropriate for “a child” to have a boy stay over, and that it’s setting a terrible example for our son and my step daughter. he also thinks that since she’s not “actually” paying rent we shouldn’t act as if she is. in my opinion she’s an adult, paying rent, and old enough to decide if she’s ready for a sexual relationship. the other two kids know her boyfriend well as he’s been in our lives for years and won’t be freaked out by him being around. my husband has said that if it keeps happening that he’s going to tell my daughter’s biological father, who definitely won’t approve. i can see where my husband is coming from - i definitely should have let him know before the bf stayed the night, but i don’t think this is a big deal overall. my daughter is acting like an adult and should be treated as such. as well as this we typically have a “your child, your responsibility” agreement, where he sets the rules for his daughter, and i for mine. aita for not wanting to give in to my husband on this issue?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone. my daughter turned 18 at the beginning of the year, and graduated from school in may. she was accepted to the university course she wanted in august but decided to defer the year as she wanted to work, save up some money, and have an easy year after how hard she worked last year. my husband and i were both supportive of this as she got a job in july. we agreed that she could stay in my house as long as she paid rent and money toward bills, and she has been giving me £150 per week since august. unbeknownst to her i am putting £125 of this money into a savings account for her to have for when she leaves to go to university, and using the other £25 to cover her bills. some important information - my husband is not my daughter’s father. i married him when my daughter was 11, and we had one child together after our wedding. he also has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 14 who stays with us fri-sun. all the children get on very well together. in addition, the house we live in is owned by me, it was my father’s house and he left it to me when he died. i own it outright, and my husband is not on the deed. my husband owns his own house that he rents to pay the mortgage. since my daughter started to pay rent to me, she came and asked if it would be ok if her boyfriend (of over 2 years) to stay the night occasionally. i thought about it, and as far as i’m concerned she is an adult and essentially a tenant, and should be treated as such. i said it was fine for him to stay over as long as they didn’t disturb anybody and that they limited it to 2 nights a week. my daughter was ecstatic with this as she thought i’d say no. i didn’t think to mention it to my husband (who was at work at the time of the convo with my daughter), and he got a nasty shock the following weekend when my daughters boyfriend didn’t go home. we had a fight about it in our room, as in his opinion it’s completely inappropriate for “a child” to have a boy stay over, and that it’s setting a terrible example for our son and my step daughter. he also thinks that since she’s not “actually” paying rent we shouldn’t act as if she is. in my opinion she’s an adult, paying rent, and old enough to decide if she’s ready for a sexual relationship. the other two kids know her boyfriend well as he’s been in our lives for years and won’t be freaked out by him being around. my husband has said that if it keeps happening that he’s going to tell my daughter’s biological father, who definitely won’t approve. i can see where my husband is coming from - i definitely should have let him know before the bf stayed the night, but i don’t think this is a big deal overall. my daughter is acting like an adult and should be treated as such. as well as this we typically have a “your child, your responsibility” agreement, where he sets the rules for his daughter, and i for mine. aita for not wanting to give in to my husband on this issue? [/INST] nta. it’s actually somewhat refreshing to read about a parent who realises their 18 year old is no longer a child, and is giving them the freedom (under your roof) to make their own decisions, good or bad. </s>
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AITA for telling a regular customer that he isn't as beloved as he thinks and banning him?
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i manage a small cafe in a college town. we are one of the places who doesn't have wifi because we only have 6 indoor tables and wifi encourages people 'camping' tables all day, which is bad for business (we aren't one of those "no wifi, just talk to each other!!!" places, it's just better for turnover this way. edit to add: we don't ask patrons who spend a long time there to leave or try to rush them in any way).
we have one regular who i'll call sam who comes in every day, without fail, and camps out for 4-6 hours. sam is about 35 and i believe is a grad student or was one at the nearby university. he clearly thinks he is a beloved regular and talks to the staff/hangs out near the counter every moment he thinks we aren't busy and basically drives us crazy. this has been going on for almost a year but was especially bad all summer when our front of house staff was all female (just a coincidence based on who quit for the summer). he doesn't exactly flirt with us but he pesters us with personal questions and boring stories in a way he doesn't pester male staff.
during his 4-6 hour stay, he uses a wifi... dongle thing he brings from home, laughs outloud at things he's reading online (and then comes up to the counter to tell us), tries to police other customers' behavior around tables/chairs/cream and sugar/trash, and just stares at us waiting to pounce when we don't have a customer at the counter. during all this, he buys one small cappuccino, no tip, and sometimes paws through our day-old stuff and tries to get us to toast/heat it 'for him' even though it's against the rules.
after months of me politely but firmly trying to correct his behavior, he tried to police a group who pushed two tables together saying 'that isn't how we do it here' (this isn't even a rule here!) and i snapped. i pulled him aside, told him he's been driving us crazy for a year, that me asking him to leave us alone while we work has fallen on deaf ears, and he's banned. he had a fit of course but he did finally leave and hasn't been back.
the staff and actual beloved regulars are split. some feel bad for him because they think he's just a lonely dork and he didn't really break any hard and fast rule. my two favorite regulars and all of the female front of house staff are happy but the male staff members and other manager (who doesn't work during sam's 'visiting hours') think i was too harsh. our other banned customers are banned for like, putting poop on the bathroom walls or stealing, so being annoying isn't a capital offense, but i really believe his annoyingness was bad for business and staff morale.
| 10,480 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dei1mo/aita_for_telling_a_regular_customer_that_he_isnt/
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2019-10-07 11:19:26
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nta. he was disruptive to business, and didn't want to listen to you when you warned him.
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nta he oversteps common decency and acts like an employee to other customers. you tried being nice and he couldn't take the hint so you had to be harsh. he's a grown ass man who doesn't know how to act. being lonely isn't an excuse to cause issues.
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i find really telling the fact that the female staff is happy about the banning while the male staff thinks you were too harsh. nta
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nta dude’s a dick and may be turning other people off your coffee shop which is bad for business.
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nta
businesses can refuse service to anyone for any reason (apart from the obvious illegal ones)
if he'd actually been a good customer that might have been different but one small coffee for hours? and being that annoying to both customers and staff?
trust me, even the people saying you were harsh are most likely really glad you did it.
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nta. you're the manager and you have to do what's good for business. that group of people pushing two tables together might have spent more than that one customer does in 2 weeks, and they'll only be there for an hour or so. you made the pragmatic choice.
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nta
he purposely harassed female staff out of earshot and sight of male staff. that's predatory behavior. he may not have been being sexual, or doing anything specifically creepy, but the fact that he didn't do it with male staff means he knows his behavior is inappropriate, and he knows he can get away with it with women, who are typically more afraid to lose their job for being "rude" to customers (ie, telling them off for bad behavior).
he absolutely knew he was being inappropriate, and he didn't care, because he could get away with it. you stopped that. you're definitely not the a.
also he ordered a cappuccino every single day, stayed for four hours, and never tipped? good riddance.
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i worked in a little family owned jewelry store in a mall. the owner of the mall wasn’t known as a straight up creep, but it was public knowledge that he paid inappropriate attention to young women who worked in the stores and restaurants of the mall. one day our boss took me aside and told be that the owner of the mall was banned from our shop. the day before me young female co-worker had been working alone when the owner of the mall came in and started chatting with her. he didn’t do anything outright that would classify as harassment but he kept insisting on having a conversation and asking a little to personal questions. my co-worker didn’t dare tell him off but after an hour or so she secretly called out boss to ask her to come in early as she was uncomfortable being alone with the owner. our boss came in immediately and when she found the owner of the mall still there chatting with my co-worker she told him that he was no longer allowed in her store unless she herself was there. she told him to never bother her staff again. she told me if he ever came into the store again to call her immediately.
my boss is my *hero*.
she eventually lost her store when the mall refused to renew her rent contract. she knows it was a consequence of banning the owner from the store. she says she regrets nothing.
nta for banning someone who makes the female staff and regulars uncomfortable. it’s honestly no coincidence that the judgement is split across genders, as it is the women who has been subjected to his worst behavior and also seems to have more objections to such behavior. you are making sure your female staff arn’t made uncomfortable in their work place, and that is a good thing. some people may not understand how stressful it is to be low-key flirted with when you arn’t in a position to be shut it down, and whilst it is fortunate that not all people have those experiences perhaps they also get a little less say so on how to handle such experiences.
i have so much respect and admiration for my boss and how she handled the situation with the mall owner. that your actions are similar to hers is something to be proud of.
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>he doesn't exactly flirt with us but he pesters us with personal questions and boring stories in a way he doesn't pester male staff.
fyi, that is "flirting" (read: harassing, flirting is mutual) to a certain kind of guy.
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nta
i'm not sure if it was necessary to outright ban him, but he definitely needed to be taken down a peg. being so possessive to the point of actually *policing* other customers is just...oh, so cringe worthy!
i think you had to be firm, or he would have taken it wrong (i.e. "oh, op's just worried, they'll get in trouble! no problem, i'll make sure to set the record straight with everyone!" or "op's treating me like a peer! they see me as one of them!")
being a "lonely dork" isn't really the issue, it's that his ego outmatches reality to the point where he's encroaching on everyone else, there.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i manage a small cafe in a college town. we are one of the places who doesn't have wifi because we only have 6 indoor tables and wifi encourages people 'camping' tables all day, which is bad for business (we aren't one of those "no wifi, just talk to each other!!!" places, it's just better for turnover this way. edit to add: we don't ask patrons who spend a long time there to leave or try to rush them in any way). we have one regular who i'll call sam who comes in every day, without fail, and camps out for 4-6 hours. sam is about 35 and i believe is a grad student or was one at the nearby university. he clearly thinks he is a beloved regular and talks to the staff/hangs out near the counter every moment he thinks we aren't busy and basically drives us crazy. this has been going on for almost a year but was especially bad all summer when our front of house staff was all female (just a coincidence based on who quit for the summer). he doesn't exactly flirt with us but he pesters us with personal questions and boring stories in a way he doesn't pester male staff. during his 4-6 hour stay, he uses a wifi... dongle thing he brings from home, laughs outloud at things he's reading online (and then comes up to the counter to tell us), tries to police other customers' behavior around tables/chairs/cream and sugar/trash, and just stares at us waiting to pounce when we don't have a customer at the counter. during all this, he buys one small cappuccino, no tip, and sometimes paws through our day-old stuff and tries to get us to toast/heat it 'for him' even though it's against the rules. after months of me politely but firmly trying to correct his behavior, he tried to police a group who pushed two tables together saying 'that isn't how we do it here' (this isn't even a rule here!) and i snapped. i pulled him aside, told him he's been driving us crazy for a year, that me asking him to leave us alone while we work has fallen on deaf ears, and he's banned. he had a fit of course but he did finally leave and hasn't been back. the staff and actual beloved regulars are split. some feel bad for him because they think he's just a lonely dork and he didn't really break any hard and fast rule. my two favorite regulars and all of the female front of house staff are happy but the male staff members and other manager (who doesn't work during sam's 'visiting hours') think i was too harsh. our other banned customers are banned for like, putting poop on the bathroom walls or stealing, so being annoying isn't a capital offense, but i really believe his annoyingness was bad for business and staff morale.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i manage a small cafe in a college town. we are one of the places who doesn't have wifi because we only have 6 indoor tables and wifi encourages people 'camping' tables all day, which is bad for business (we aren't one of those "no wifi, just talk to each other!!!" places, it's just better for turnover this way. edit to add: we don't ask patrons who spend a long time there to leave or try to rush them in any way). we have one regular who i'll call sam who comes in every day, without fail, and camps out for 4-6 hours. sam is about 35 and i believe is a grad student or was one at the nearby university. he clearly thinks he is a beloved regular and talks to the staff/hangs out near the counter every moment he thinks we aren't busy and basically drives us crazy. this has been going on for almost a year but was especially bad all summer when our front of house staff was all female (just a coincidence based on who quit for the summer). he doesn't exactly flirt with us but he pesters us with personal questions and boring stories in a way he doesn't pester male staff. during his 4-6 hour stay, he uses a wifi... dongle thing he brings from home, laughs outloud at things he's reading online (and then comes up to the counter to tell us), tries to police other customers' behavior around tables/chairs/cream and sugar/trash, and just stares at us waiting to pounce when we don't have a customer at the counter. during all this, he buys one small cappuccino, no tip, and sometimes paws through our day-old stuff and tries to get us to toast/heat it 'for him' even though it's against the rules. after months of me politely but firmly trying to correct his behavior, he tried to police a group who pushed two tables together saying 'that isn't how we do it here' (this isn't even a rule here!) and i snapped. i pulled him aside, told him he's been driving us crazy for a year, that me asking him to leave us alone while we work has fallen on deaf ears, and he's banned. he had a fit of course but he did finally leave and hasn't been back. the staff and actual beloved regulars are split. some feel bad for him because they think he's just a lonely dork and he didn't really break any hard and fast rule. my two favorite regulars and all of the female front of house staff are happy but the male staff members and other manager (who doesn't work during sam's 'visiting hours') think i was too harsh. our other banned customers are banned for like, putting poop on the bathroom walls or stealing, so being annoying isn't a capital offense, but i really believe his annoyingness was bad for business and staff morale. [/INST] nta. he was disruptive to business, and didn't want to listen to you when you warned him. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to share my piece of cake with my family?
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my best friend is leaving tomorrow (flying overseas) and she made a chocolate cake that i love. yesterday i went to visit her during the night and she gave me a slice of her chocolate cake for me to eat later. she put it in a box and then gave it to me. when i arrived home, my grandma asked what was inside the box and i said that it was a piece of cake that my friend gave me. i live with my grandparents and my mom, but my aunt and my twin cousins were there too. they asked me if i wasn't going to share my piece of cake with them and i said "no" and then went straight to my room and i closed the door. then my aunt was upset with me because i didn't share my cake with anyone in my house.
was i the asshole for not wanting to share my food? -*joey doesn't share food-*
| 236 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cu17wh/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_piece_of_cake/
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2019-08-22 18:09:16
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nta. it's a fucking *slice* of cake, not a whole one.
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nta it was a single slice of cake not an entire cake. you had every right to enjoy it all yourself. also is your aunt a child? because that is very childish behaviour..
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nta. it’s *one* slice.
extra credit for
#joey doesn’t share food!
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nta its literally just a piece of cake. like a whole cake is somewhat debatable, but at the end of the day it's still your food.
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nta how the f would 6 people share 1 piece of cake anyways? it was a gift for you, you're not obligated to share it.
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[deleted]
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nta. how entitled of them all!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my best friend is leaving tomorrow (flying overseas) and she made a chocolate cake that i love. yesterday i went to visit her during the night and she gave me a slice of her chocolate cake for me to eat later. she put it in a box and then gave it to me. when i arrived home, my grandma asked what was inside the box and i said that it was a piece of cake that my friend gave me. i live with my grandparents and my mom, but my aunt and my twin cousins were there too. they asked me if i wasn't going to share my piece of cake with them and i said "no" and then went straight to my room and i closed the door. then my aunt was upset with me because i didn't share my cake with anyone in my house. was i the asshole for not wanting to share my food? -*joey doesn't share food-*
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my best friend is leaving tomorrow (flying overseas) and she made a chocolate cake that i love. yesterday i went to visit her during the night and she gave me a slice of her chocolate cake for me to eat later. she put it in a box and then gave it to me. when i arrived home, my grandma asked what was inside the box and i said that it was a piece of cake that my friend gave me. i live with my grandparents and my mom, but my aunt and my twin cousins were there too. they asked me if i wasn't going to share my piece of cake with them and i said "no" and then went straight to my room and i closed the door. then my aunt was upset with me because i didn't share my cake with anyone in my house. was i the asshole for not wanting to share my food? -*joey doesn't share food-* [/INST] nta. it's a fucking *slice* of cake, not a whole one. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend she cant get a date because she's hypocritical
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bear with me i'm on mobile!
so i have this friend we'll call amy who i've know for about 4 years. now amy's always had trouble in the dating scene and recently it's gotten worse. she is a bit of a bigger girl but not really overweight or anything because shes tall as well. she really only ever goes on dates/trys to go on dates with really fit/chris hemsworth's body type guys. she gets soooo angry at these guys if they tell her that's she not really her type because of her body type or height(some of them are dicks about it but for the most part they are pretty nice and decent about it) she calls these guys all sorts of names and shits on them for having a preference. i recently tried to set her up with a good friend of mine and he took her to dinner, brought her flowers, whole nine yards was a super gentleman. when i inquired a couple of days later with him he was really upset because she was incredibly rude to him during dinner about his body type(not overweight either more like fit-ish dad bod). i messaged her and asked her side and she told me she didnt want to be see dating a fat guy no matter how nice he is. so i called her a hypocrite she can talk shit about guys who dont prefer her body but it's okay for her to it to guys and told her that's way she would never get a date. she called me an asshole and so did some of my other friends. my bf and my other bestfriend is on my side but i'm wondering maybe i did go a little overboard with it? i just felt so bad for my friend because hes been working so hard on his confidence.
edit1: i wanted to out this because i've seen it come up a bit. i did not know she would react this way to him being chubbier, she has matched with chubbier guys before on tinder and shown me there pics an told me how cute she thinks they are. shes never complained to me about chubby guys and not was wanting to date a chubby guy so that is why i set her up with my friend.
| 1,846 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/er9htd/aita_for_telling_my_friend_she_cant_get_a_date/
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2020-01-20 06:41:49
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nta: way to call it like it is, regardless it doesn't seem like she is going to change. that being said, good job.
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nta- if she’s allowed to have type so are other people. she doesn’t have to be a jerk to the guys that don’t fit her type and that makes her an asshole. you did the right thing by calling her out
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nta
"amy" shouldn't give out comments on someone else's body if she can't take negative comments about her in return.
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nta she’s being a total hypocrite and you did good by calling her out. she doesn’t seem like someone who will learn from situations like this either.
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nta.
i've been overweight my whole life and i was so self-conscious that i refused to date in high school or even acknowledge when someone liked me because i hated myself so much i couldn't fathom another person being into me. i felt disgusting and i was embarrassed for people to see me. my friends forced me to join tinder and i thought i wouldn't have any matches. i ended up with hundreds. more than i knew what to do with. and eventually i learned that how i perceive myself isn't how others perceive me and i can be beautiful, desirable, and fat.
it sounds to me like she's insecure about her body and she wishes that she were different. i'm sure she's a beautiful girl, but being tall or overweight is really difficult as a women when dating because feeling larger than your partner feels bad, man. she's dealing with those feelings in her own way, and she's got an idea of beauty stuck in her head that relates to fitness rather than the things that really make people beautiful like personality and features. she's looking for what she wants to be, physically fit and a "standard" model of beautiful. your poor friend just got caught in the cross fire, but he sounds like he deserves to be with someone in a better place than she is anyway. i hope that she works it out and learns to love herself as she is, and while you're not wrong for being upset about the way she treated your kind friend, try and understand where she's coming from and the feelings she's struggling with too. it's not as cut and dry as it may appear, but she's definitely in the wrong. while this may explain her behavior, it doesn't excuse it.
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nta. the hypocrisy speaks for itself, and there was no reason for her to be unkind to your friend.
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nta -isn’t this what incels are known for?
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nta - you don't get to be such a hypocrite. plus, you're unhappy so you tear other people's confidence down?
nah.
fuck that shit.
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nope nta. call a spade a spade
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i'm going to say yta because your friend is an asshole, you *know* she's an asshole, but you still set her up with some poor guy that, deep down, you knew shed reject.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: bear with me i'm on mobile! so i have this friend we'll call amy who i've know for about 4 years. now amy's always had trouble in the dating scene and recently it's gotten worse. she is a bit of a bigger girl but not really overweight or anything because shes tall as well. she really only ever goes on dates/trys to go on dates with really fit/chris hemsworth's body type guys. she gets soooo angry at these guys if they tell her that's she not really her type because of her body type or height(some of them are dicks about it but for the most part they are pretty nice and decent about it) she calls these guys all sorts of names and shits on them for having a preference. i recently tried to set her up with a good friend of mine and he took her to dinner, brought her flowers, whole nine yards was a super gentleman. when i inquired a couple of days later with him he was really upset because she was incredibly rude to him during dinner about his body type(not overweight either more like fit-ish dad bod). i messaged her and asked her side and she told me she didnt want to be see dating a fat guy no matter how nice he is. so i called her a hypocrite she can talk shit about guys who dont prefer her body but it's okay for her to it to guys and told her that's way she would never get a date. she called me an asshole and so did some of my other friends. my bf and my other bestfriend is on my side but i'm wondering maybe i did go a little overboard with it? i just felt so bad for my friend because hes been working so hard on his confidence. edit1: i wanted to out this because i've seen it come up a bit. i did not know she would react this way to him being chubbier, she has matched with chubbier guys before on tinder and shown me there pics an told me how cute she thinks they are. shes never complained to me about chubby guys and not was wanting to date a chubby guy so that is why i set her up with my friend.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
bear with me i'm on mobile! so i have this friend we'll call amy who i've know for about 4 years. now amy's always had trouble in the dating scene and recently it's gotten worse. she is a bit of a bigger girl but not really overweight or anything because shes tall as well. she really only ever goes on dates/trys to go on dates with really fit/chris hemsworth's body type guys. she gets soooo angry at these guys if they tell her that's she not really her type because of her body type or height(some of them are dicks about it but for the most part they are pretty nice and decent about it) she calls these guys all sorts of names and shits on them for having a preference. i recently tried to set her up with a good friend of mine and he took her to dinner, brought her flowers, whole nine yards was a super gentleman. when i inquired a couple of days later with him he was really upset because she was incredibly rude to him during dinner about his body type(not overweight either more like fit-ish dad bod). i messaged her and asked her side and she told me she didnt want to be see dating a fat guy no matter how nice he is. so i called her a hypocrite she can talk shit about guys who dont prefer her body but it's okay for her to it to guys and told her that's way she would never get a date. she called me an asshole and so did some of my other friends. my bf and my other bestfriend is on my side but i'm wondering maybe i did go a little overboard with it? i just felt so bad for my friend because hes been working so hard on his confidence. edit1: i wanted to out this because i've seen it come up a bit. i did not know she would react this way to him being chubbier, she has matched with chubbier guys before on tinder and shown me there pics an told me how cute she thinks they are. shes never complained to me about chubby guys and not was wanting to date a chubby guy so that is why i set her up with my friend. [/INST] nta: way to call it like it is, regardless it doesn't seem like she is going to change. that being said, good job. </s>
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AITA for not allowing my 17 year old daughter to see a therapist?
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my daughter has been asking me if she could start seeing a therapist because she’s been experiencing depression, and i have noticed changes in her since october of this year, and she feels unmotivated with her classes even when she gets a’s, but she does poorly in 2 of her classes. i told her that everyone her age (all ages, really) are having a hard time managing work or school this particular year, but we all need to pull through it. she then asked me if i thought that she needed therapy, and i told her “no”, i don’t think it’s gotten to a point where her depression needs to be addressed. not to mention i’m very busy everyday, i work long hours at home and can’t afford my time to be interrupted, no distractions. she knows my situation and that i don’t want people disrespecting my time, especially since she will be 18 in a month. she needs to learn how to manage herself. there are some days where she thinks i don’t take her seriously enough, and i can’t believe she’d even dare to say that. i respect her but i have my days where i’m not perfect. she accepted my answer, i know she might not be satisfied with it because i know she can get upset but i don’t like it when she decides she’s not going to talk to me for a while, because she thinks that all i talk about with her is my work and that she can’t come to me with her feelings; and if any of you have seen my previous post then you know that she didn’t want to talk to me after i didn’t attend her band’s school performance— it’s the same thing again.
| 678 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k5gxfd/aita_for_not_allowing_my_17_year_old_daughter_to/
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2020-12-02 19:55:11
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yta. i actually cannot believe a parent is writing this.
suicide is a real thing and i pray you're never writing about it.
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yta
>i don’t think it’s gotten to a point where her depression needs to be addressed.
if she has depression it needs to be addressed before it get worse. which it will because...
>i don’t want people disrespecting my time
you are a self important asshole.
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you were an asshole for the band thing and you're an asshole now.
yta.
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omg. so much to unpack here.
> my daughter has been asking me if she could start seeing a therapist because she’s been experiencing depression
okay. that sounds clear.
> i have noticed changes in her since october of this year
well, good. there are some great online therapy resources that easy to use.
> i told her that everyone her age (all ages, really) are having a hard time managing work or school this particular year, but we all need to pull through it.
that may be, but "everyone" isn't your minor child who is asking for therapy. you're not responsible for "everyone's" well-being.
also telling someone who is depressed to just "pull through it" is the absence of helpful. did you even ask her what was going on?
> i don’t think it’s gotten to a point where her depression needs to be addressed.
she told you twice that it was. you said yourself you noticed she'd changed. sounds like you just don't want to be bothered with your child's mental health.
> i work long hours at home and can’t afford my time to be interrupted, no distractions. she knows my situation and that i don’t want people disrespecting my time
wait. just how is your daughter getting into therapy "disrespecting your time?" you take a few hours to find a therapist together and she... goes to therapy. also, if you're so busy, how would you know if her situation was serious?
>... especially since she will be 18 in a month
so, the plan is to what, exactly? wash your hands the minute she turns eighteen?
> she needs to learn how to manage herself.
omg, that's how it sounds. how incredibly cold.
> there are some days where she thinks i don’t take her seriously enough, and i can’t believe she’d even dare to say that.
you don't take her seriously enough. she says she's depressed and needs therapy and your response is to tell her you don't think it's serious enough, and she needs to "respect your time?" what evidence are you giving her that you actually care about her?
> i know she can get upset but i don’t like it when she decides she’s not going to talk to me for a while, because she thinks that all i talk about with her is my work and that she can’t come to me with her feelings
you don't like it? well, that's a shame. i'm sure she would like a caring parent who listened to her, supported her, asked her what was wrong and how they could help. how about you actually take your child seriously and get her the help and support she needs?
yta.
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she’s calling out for help & you’re dismissing it. yta
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yes, yta. she might have things she needs to work out with a therapist and you don't know or understand. don't assume you know everything about your child's mental health just because you raised her and she lives in your home. my parent did the same thing and she was put soundly in her place when i was diagnosed with a serious illness that went untreated for years because it was presumed i was just being a teenager.
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woaahh. yta. there is no downside to getting therapy and you’re invalidating your poor daughter’s experiences. i believe everyone could benefit from talking things out with a professional. also what does you being busy have to do with her going to therapy? you don’t need to go with her for the sessions?
when i was a teen my mom did the same thing to me. you wanna know the last time i spoke to her? take a guess.
edit to your
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yta. if your daughter thinks she needs to see a therapist, it's probably true. let her do virtual visits with one, and see how it goes. shouldn't impact you in the slightest.
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yta. “she needs to learn to manage herself,” she’s 17, she’s doesn’t know how to manage herself yet. she hasn’t had time to grow and learn how to deal with said obstacles in life yet. dude, you’re her dad, and you’re too busy? it’s a story all too familiar. look, you’re not some terrible, raging asshole of a dad, but i think you need to bend on this therapy idea. you truly have no idea what’s going on in her head rn, last thing you want is to raise another brenda spencer.
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yta ... and if you are real i hope she cuts you off at 18 so you can enjoy your precious self absorbed time
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter has been asking me if she could start seeing a therapist because she’s been experiencing depression, and i have noticed changes in her since october of this year, and she feels unmotivated with her classes even when she gets a’s, but she does poorly in 2 of her classes. i told her that everyone her age (all ages, really) are having a hard time managing work or school this particular year, but we all need to pull through it. she then asked me if i thought that she needed therapy, and i told her “no”, i don’t think it’s gotten to a point where her depression needs to be addressed. not to mention i’m very busy everyday, i work long hours at home and can’t afford my time to be interrupted, no distractions. she knows my situation and that i don’t want people disrespecting my time, especially since she will be 18 in a month. she needs to learn how to manage herself. there are some days where she thinks i don’t take her seriously enough, and i can’t believe she’d even dare to say that. i respect her but i have my days where i’m not perfect. she accepted my answer, i know she might not be satisfied with it because i know she can get upset but i don’t like it when she decides she’s not going to talk to me for a while, because she thinks that all i talk about with her is my work and that she can’t come to me with her feelings; and if any of you have seen my previous post then you know that she didn’t want to talk to me after i didn’t attend her band’s school performance— it’s the same thing again.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter has been asking me if she could start seeing a therapist because she’s been experiencing depression, and i have noticed changes in her since october of this year, and she feels unmotivated with her classes even when she gets a’s, but she does poorly in 2 of her classes. i told her that everyone her age (all ages, really) are having a hard time managing work or school this particular year, but we all need to pull through it. she then asked me if i thought that she needed therapy, and i told her “no”, i don’t think it’s gotten to a point where her depression needs to be addressed. not to mention i’m very busy everyday, i work long hours at home and can’t afford my time to be interrupted, no distractions. she knows my situation and that i don’t want people disrespecting my time, especially since she will be 18 in a month. she needs to learn how to manage herself. there are some days where she thinks i don’t take her seriously enough, and i can’t believe she’d even dare to say that. i respect her but i have my days where i’m not perfect. she accepted my answer, i know she might not be satisfied with it because i know she can get upset but i don’t like it when she decides she’s not going to talk to me for a while, because she thinks that all i talk about with her is my work and that she can’t come to me with her feelings; and if any of you have seen my previous post then you know that she didn’t want to talk to me after i didn’t attend her band’s school performance— it’s the same thing again. [/INST] yta. i actually cannot believe a parent is writing this. suicide is a real thing and i pray you're never writing about it. </s>
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AITA for speaking to his daughter when he wouldnt?
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alright so if i'm wrong, tell me. i am quick to apologize for my wrong doings and i'm generally pretty self aware. but this situation has me freaking baffled. i'm 28f and i have 2 sons aged 11 and 8. my bf of 4 years (who just moved in 5 months ago) has a daughter, age 9. he has her on a week on, week off basis. prior to moving in i did not see this side of his daughter. i want to point that out. if i had, i would have suggested correcting it and spoken to her directly about it, with the permission of her parents.
when my bf moved in, things went well for awhile. shortly thereafter his daughter started becoming severely bossy and entitled. she is one of those "boys are stupid" girls but takes it to the highest degree possible. as in, i moved my boys in to a room together so she could have her own room and she has thrown it in my kids face every single time she is here. or i will tell her she cant have a certain snack because there isnt enough for everyone and she will pull the "the boys dont deserve it" line.
anyways, so we have a rule in our house. no electronics past 5 and we alternate who gets to choose a movie that night between all 3 kids after 5 until bedtime (7:30). most nights she will full on flip out on my sons saying it's her night to choose when it actually isnt. every time they do choose, she wigs out, saying she hates that movie and starts whining. her dad works every day except saturday so it's me dealing with it. it alternates with my oldest, her and then my youngest. well today is my oldest sons day to pick the movie and she goes off saying it isnt fair and that it was her day. i'm used to dealing with this so it's nothing new. but i go back inside after hanging laundry and i see my oldest son on the verge of breakdown (grinding his teeth, red faced, clenching fist) and saying "what freaking movie do you want?" i step in and ask what's going on. he tells me she is freaking out and wont shut up. i tell her to sit down, be quiet and tell my son to pick what he wants. my bf comes out (he got home early) and says "he already gave her the go ahead to pick the movie" and his daughter pipes up with "yeah so it's my turn". i immediately tell this child to go to her room for early bedtime and tell her to stop being selfish. my bf says nothing but follows me on the porch and says i was out of line. i beg to differ, honestly. like i said, i'm quick to admit my wrongs but if he isnt going to correct his child when treating my kids this way, i'm not afraid to speak up and i dont think i'm wrong. he also babies her because she has threatened to not come over anymore so she gets whatever she wants. aita?
| 271 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v2uub1/aita_for_speaking_to_his_daughter_when_he_wouldnt/
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2022-06-01 23:32:00
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nta- and i don’t think you should apologize but i think you need to speak up more and tell him what has been going on a daily basis. i’m annoyed at your bf for coming in and giving her the go ahead - does he not know your system? also why hasn’t he told her to stop teasing them about sharing a room. i am sensing an overall lack of communication.
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nta - your bf is going to side with his daughter. that’s a given. she doesn’t show him her nasty side like she’s done to you. that little twerp knows what’s she’s doing. you didn’t do anything wrong. if it were me, she’d been yeeted out of the house by now.
you need to tell your bf what you’ve been dealing with while he’s away and if he thinks you’re lying, then maybe y’all need to discuss the relationship overall.
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nta- if bf doesn’t know whose turn it is to pick a movie, make a calendar that he must support following.
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nta, do not allow her to mistreat your children and continue her manipulation. what you did was parent. her father should take a look at what parenting is. he needs to step up or you need to step out. your children deserve better and they will remember how you deal with this. she will not grow out of this. her bad behaviour that has proven to work, she needs guidance.
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nta. holding kids to very different standards in situations like this will not end well. his daughter is being a bully towards your kids, and that needs to be stopped.
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nta and honestly i think you should reconsider having a relationship with a man that can’t parent.
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nta, you are doing a lot for these kids and that must be really intense. your bf should be appreciative of your effort and sacrifices. i don't really believe in time outs for any age but i understand why you got stressed out by her behavior and just needed her to go away for a moment. it's hard to have consequences that work. totally understandable. i hope y'all can figure things out
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nta. your son didn’t let his daughter pick the movie as your bf says. daughter wore son down until he couldn’t take it anymore & gave in.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: alright so if i'm wrong, tell me. i am quick to apologize for my wrong doings and i'm generally pretty self aware. but this situation has me freaking baffled. i'm 28f and i have 2 sons aged 11 and 8. my bf of 4 years (who just moved in 5 months ago) has a daughter, age 9. he has her on a week on, week off basis. prior to moving in i did not see this side of his daughter. i want to point that out. if i had, i would have suggested correcting it and spoken to her directly about it, with the permission of her parents. when my bf moved in, things went well for awhile. shortly thereafter his daughter started becoming severely bossy and entitled. she is one of those "boys are stupid" girls but takes it to the highest degree possible. as in, i moved my boys in to a room together so she could have her own room and she has thrown it in my kids face every single time she is here. or i will tell her she cant have a certain snack because there isnt enough for everyone and she will pull the "the boys dont deserve it" line. anyways, so we have a rule in our house. no electronics past 5 and we alternate who gets to choose a movie that night between all 3 kids after 5 until bedtime (7:30). most nights she will full on flip out on my sons saying it's her night to choose when it actually isnt. every time they do choose, she wigs out, saying she hates that movie and starts whining. her dad works every day except saturday so it's me dealing with it. it alternates with my oldest, her and then my youngest. well today is my oldest sons day to pick the movie and she goes off saying it isnt fair and that it was her day. i'm used to dealing with this so it's nothing new. but i go back inside after hanging laundry and i see my oldest son on the verge of breakdown (grinding his teeth, red faced, clenching fist) and saying "what freaking movie do you want?" i step in and ask what's going on. he tells me she is freaking out and wont shut up. i tell her to sit down, be quiet and tell my son to pick what he wants. my bf comes out (he got home early) and says "he already gave her the go ahead to pick the movie" and his daughter pipes up with "yeah so it's my turn". i immediately tell this child to go to her room for early bedtime and tell her to stop being selfish. my bf says nothing but follows me on the porch and says i was out of line. i beg to differ, honestly. like i said, i'm quick to admit my wrongs but if he isnt going to correct his child when treating my kids this way, i'm not afraid to speak up and i dont think i'm wrong. he also babies her because she has threatened to not come over anymore so she gets whatever she wants. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
alright so if i'm wrong, tell me. i am quick to apologize for my wrong doings and i'm generally pretty self aware. but this situation has me freaking baffled. i'm 28f and i have 2 sons aged 11 and 8. my bf of 4 years (who just moved in 5 months ago) has a daughter, age 9. he has her on a week on, week off basis. prior to moving in i did not see this side of his daughter. i want to point that out. if i had, i would have suggested correcting it and spoken to her directly about it, with the permission of her parents. when my bf moved in, things went well for awhile. shortly thereafter his daughter started becoming severely bossy and entitled. she is one of those "boys are stupid" girls but takes it to the highest degree possible. as in, i moved my boys in to a room together so she could have her own room and she has thrown it in my kids face every single time she is here. or i will tell her she cant have a certain snack because there isnt enough for everyone and she will pull the "the boys dont deserve it" line. anyways, so we have a rule in our house. no electronics past 5 and we alternate who gets to choose a movie that night between all 3 kids after 5 until bedtime (7:30). most nights she will full on flip out on my sons saying it's her night to choose when it actually isnt. every time they do choose, she wigs out, saying she hates that movie and starts whining. her dad works every day except saturday so it's me dealing with it. it alternates with my oldest, her and then my youngest. well today is my oldest sons day to pick the movie and she goes off saying it isnt fair and that it was her day. i'm used to dealing with this so it's nothing new. but i go back inside after hanging laundry and i see my oldest son on the verge of breakdown (grinding his teeth, red faced, clenching fist) and saying "what freaking movie do you want?" i step in and ask what's going on. he tells me she is freaking out and wont shut up. i tell her to sit down, be quiet and tell my son to pick what he wants. my bf comes out (he got home early) and says "he already gave her the go ahead to pick the movie" and his daughter pipes up with "yeah so it's my turn". i immediately tell this child to go to her room for early bedtime and tell her to stop being selfish. my bf says nothing but follows me on the porch and says i was out of line. i beg to differ, honestly. like i said, i'm quick to admit my wrongs but if he isnt going to correct his child when treating my kids this way, i'm not afraid to speak up and i dont think i'm wrong. he also babies her because she has threatened to not come over anymore so she gets whatever she wants. aita? [/INST] nta- and i don’t think you should apologize but i think you need to speak up more and tell him what has been going on a daily basis. i’m annoyed at your bf for coming in and giving her the go ahead - does he not know your system? also why hasn’t he told her to stop teasing them about sharing a room. i am sensing an overall lack of communication. </s>
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