ejjaffe/onion_headlines_2_sources · Datasets at Fast360

text stringlengths 1 926
news: the perils of climate change: a rise in sea level of just one foot would be devastating for the man tied to this pier
struggling single mother seriously considering putting baby up for audition
jumping the gun: this kid on a road trip just started pissing into a bottle without even asking his parents to find him a bathroom or anything
4 signs that someone is sneaking into your child’s room at night to teach them inaccurate information about james bond in spanish
shirtless man turns face from side to side in mirror while running hands down smooth face
gingrich privately regretting not doing 'more jew stuff' on florida campaign trail
cat internally debates whether or not to rip head off smaller creature it just met
soda nearing room temperature
why is march madness the only time we get to see good, old fashioned, fundamental gambling?
report: saxophone still an okay vehicle for self-expression
bus transporting carnival cruise passengers crashes into sewage treatment plant
woman always gets best ideas while taking shower with two jacked dudes
woman who changed self to please boyfriend enjoying happy long-term relationship - the onion - america's finest news source
grotesque, misshapen mass of raisins slowly forming inside bag of trail mix
police confirm car had ethanol in system at time of crash
sole remaining lung filled with rich, satisfying flavor
fireflies almost salvage man's shitty day
boss makes lipstick prints on paychecks for valentine's day
subsidiary publication recommends you see parent corporation's movie
gop promotes carly fiorina to male candidate after strong debate showing
report: stating current year still leading argument for social reform
ingenuity ftw: under armour unveiled a new hoodie with an additional hood in front that you can vomit into
area man just in bad mood because he's tired and an awful human being
pope benedict asks if it's too late to change name
pete buttigieg releases comprehensive list of fun personality quirks to include in articles about him
loveless marriage offset by beautiful four-bedroom home
smithsonian rejects tie dylan mcdermott wore in 'the practice'
air traffic controller likes pattern he has going
report: gross-ass gourd all bumpy and shit
dnc disaster: hillary’s re-entry stamp got washed off and now she can’t get back in
conor mcgregor running courthouse steps in garbage bag to make weight for pre-arraignment
boehner hoping to remain leader of republican parties
man old enough to know how rest of life pretty much plays out
only college student staying on campus planning saddest thanksgiving meal of all time \| the onion - america's finest news source
chris brown's agent suggests suicide could be great career move
god reveals jerusalem actually only 87th holiest site on earth
nsga th1s is nooot а dаting s1te. lаargest in world online seаrch sexxxx paаrtners nsga
taylor swift now dating james holmes
george and amal clooney expecting twins
bathroom-disinfectant ad reinforces obsessive-compulsive disorder
mom makes sure everyone has masturbated before long car ride
don’t judge a book by its cover: this town was scared of an undead clown that chops people apart with its axe, until they learned it only kills those who have committed the sin of lust
amazing affleck brothers dazzle oscars audience with high-flying trapeze routine
area man's hairstyle history eerily mirrors kevin bacon's
alarming mri shows peyton manning has been dead for past 6 months - the onion - america's finest news source
man kicking self for wasting valuable plate space at beginning of buffet line
gop officials: kavanaugh shouldn't be held accountable for something he did as white teenager
grandma wants to know if you're still drawing
scientists posit theoretical ‘productive weekend’
disgruntled bandmates worried rivers cuomo’s wife becoming the fifth weezer
hero dog fills out hospital paperwork
winneshiek county stadium indeed ready to rock
orgy a logistical nightmare
button-up shirt goes on life-changing odyssey around dry cleaner's garment conveyor
desperate 'time' magazine announces 'man of june'
daily meditation really helping man stay self-centered
high school production of our town features line memorization
fast food customers less appealing than in commercial
americans pool together $945.23 to counteract corporate money's influence in politics
real estate agent warns syrian couple about neighborhood’s high war crime rate
bush promises to unite nation for real this time
white sufficiency movement asserts whites right up there with other races
life: 6 lies about buckets you can tell your dim-witted aunt this thanksgiving
woman shows hairstylist example of haircut she wants
candidate profile: rick perry
white sprinter finishes fifth
obama narrowly survives carnivorous section of rose garden
miracle dog gives birth to septuplets
hussein judge hoping for fair, speedy assassination
new fad diet requires you to stop eating for a full 5 minutes per day
mental health experts recommend calling fratricide prevention hotline for anyone contemplating killing brother
patriothole: did bill clinton cheat on monica lewinsky with killary? yes, and our government doesn’t want you to know
just sad at this point: timotheé chalamet still has no idea that his fame is just a cruel joke everyone decided to play on him because we all think he’s a giant loser
now that’s what we like to see: when jesus and satan both tried to lure this toddler into their minivans, the toddler chose to get into jesus’s minivan
how republicans plan to repeal and replace obamacare
how the american diet has changed over time
boss born in 1991
$20 bill slowly but surely wriggling free from back pocket
aging father struggling to keep family's personal failings straight
new trump campaign ad claims that illegal immigrants currently murdering you with knife
lazy man waiting for spark of inspiration to finally get started on masturbating
they said what?!: find out what rihanna, bear grylls, and jane goodall have to say
must see: deeply troubling: john kelly just received a whatsapp message from president trump that said ‘you have unmarried daughter? urgent’ with no explanation
serial killer makes impassioned case for protecting local marsh
report: it okay to spend rest of day curled in fetal position under desk
attending 'price is right' taping apparently sailors' best idea for shore leave
cockroaches feeling very optimistic about future of planet
study confirms that bitches, as suspected, ain’t shit but hoes and tricks
u.s. secretary of beer: 'woooo!'
aquarium unveils 'floating carcasses of the pacific' exhibit
study: average american has over 9 million imagined sexual partners in lifetime
texas now regretting wasting doses of pancuronium bromide on innocent guys back in 1997, 2000, 2004
‘spongebob squarepants’ turns 20
matt lauer waits in parking garage for anonymous source on parenting trends
you can hold snake, owner reports
incredible! check out this atm receipt for an account with over $8,000 in available funds!
teamwork mostly karen
budget cheat day lets government splurge on anything it wants once a week
report: massive hypocrisy just flat-out gets the job done
millions of excited americans gather to watch candidates deliver series of short, elaborately rehearsed speeches

news: the perils of climate change: a rise in sea level of just one foot would be devastating for the man tied to this pier

struggling single mother seriously considering putting baby up for audition

jumping the gun: this kid on a road trip just started pissing into a bottle without even asking his parents to find him a bathroom or anything

4 signs that someone is sneaking into your child’s room at night to teach them inaccurate information about james bond in spanish

shirtless man turns face from side to side in mirror while running hands down smooth face

gingrich privately regretting not doing 'more jew stuff' on florida campaign trail

cat internally debates whether or not to rip head off smaller creature it just met

soda nearing room temperature

why is march madness the only time we get to see good, old fashioned, fundamental gambling?

report: saxophone still an okay vehicle for self-expression

bus transporting carnival cruise passengers crashes into sewage treatment plant

woman always gets best ideas while taking shower with two jacked dudes

woman who changed self to please boyfriend enjoying happy long-term relationship - the onion - america's finest news source

grotesque, misshapen mass of raisins slowly forming inside bag of trail mix

police confirm car had ethanol in system at time of crash

sole remaining lung filled with rich, satisfying flavor

fireflies almost salvage man's shitty day

boss makes lipstick prints on paychecks for valentine's day

subsidiary publication recommends you see parent corporation's movie

gop promotes carly fiorina to male candidate after strong debate showing

report: stating current year still leading argument for social reform

ingenuity ftw: under armour unveiled a new hoodie with an additional hood in front that you can vomit into

area man just in bad mood because he's tired and an awful human being

pope benedict asks if it's too late to change name

pete buttigieg releases comprehensive list of fun personality quirks to include in articles about him

loveless marriage offset by beautiful four-bedroom home

smithsonian rejects tie dylan mcdermott wore in 'the practice'

air traffic controller likes pattern he has going

report: gross-ass gourd all bumpy and shit

dnc disaster: hillary’s re-entry stamp got washed off and now she can’t get back in

conor mcgregor running courthouse steps in garbage bag to make weight for pre-arraignment

boehner hoping to remain leader of republican parties

man old enough to know how rest of life pretty much plays out

only college student staying on campus planning saddest thanksgiving meal of all time | the onion - america's finest news source

chris brown's agent suggests suicide could be great career move

god reveals jerusalem actually only 87th holiest site on earth

nsga th1s is nooot а dаting s1te. lаargest in world online seаrch sexxxx paаrtners nsga

taylor swift now dating james holmes

george and amal clooney expecting twins

bathroom-disinfectant ad reinforces obsessive-compulsive disorder

mom makes sure everyone has masturbated before long car ride

don’t judge a book by its cover: this town was scared of an undead clown that chops people apart with its axe, until they learned it only kills those who have committed the sin of lust

amazing affleck brothers dazzle oscars audience with high-flying trapeze routine

area man's hairstyle history eerily mirrors kevin bacon's

alarming mri shows peyton manning has been dead for past 6 months - the onion - america's finest news source

man kicking self for wasting valuable plate space at beginning of buffet line

gop officials: kavanaugh shouldn't be held accountable for something he did as white teenager

grandma wants to know if you're still drawing

scientists posit theoretical ‘productive weekend’

disgruntled bandmates worried rivers cuomo’s wife becoming the fifth weezer

hero dog fills out hospital paperwork

winneshiek county stadium indeed ready to rock

orgy a logistical nightmare

button-up shirt goes on life-changing odyssey around dry cleaner's garment conveyor

desperate 'time' magazine announces 'man of june'

daily meditation really helping man stay self-centered

high school production of our town features line memorization

fast food customers less appealing than in commercial

americans pool together $945.23 to counteract corporate money's influence in politics

real estate agent warns syrian couple about neighborhood’s high war crime rate

bush promises to unite nation for real this time

white sufficiency movement asserts whites right up there with other races

life: 6 lies about buckets you can tell your dim-witted aunt this thanksgiving

woman shows hairstylist example of haircut she wants

candidate profile: rick perry

white sprinter finishes fifth

obama narrowly survives carnivorous section of rose garden

miracle dog gives birth to septuplets

hussein judge hoping for fair, speedy assassination

new fad diet requires you to stop eating for a full 5 minutes per day

mental health experts recommend calling fratricide prevention hotline for anyone contemplating killing brother

patriothole: did bill clinton cheat on monica lewinsky with killary? yes, and our government doesn’t want you to know

just sad at this point: timotheé chalamet still has no idea that his fame is just a cruel joke everyone decided to play on him because we all think he’s a giant loser

now that’s what we like to see: when jesus and satan both tried to lure this toddler into their minivans, the toddler chose to get into jesus’s minivan

how republicans plan to repeal and replace obamacare

how the american diet has changed over time

boss born in 1991

$20 bill slowly but surely wriggling free from back pocket

aging father struggling to keep family's personal failings straight

new trump campaign ad claims that illegal immigrants currently murdering you with knife

lazy man waiting for spark of inspiration to finally get started on masturbating

they said what?!: find out what rihanna, bear grylls, and jane goodall have to say

must see: deeply troubling: john kelly just received a whatsapp message from president trump that said ‘you have unmarried daughter? urgent’ with no explanation

serial killer makes impassioned case for protecting local marsh

report: it okay to spend rest of day curled in fetal position under desk

attending 'price is right' taping apparently sailors' best idea for shore leave

cockroaches feeling very optimistic about future of planet

study confirms that bitches, as suspected, ain’t shit but hoes and tricks

u.s. secretary of beer: 'woooo!'

aquarium unveils 'floating carcasses of the pacific' exhibit

study: average american has over 9 million imagined sexual partners in lifetime

texas now regretting wasting doses of pancuronium bromide on innocent guys back in 1997, 2000, 2004

‘spongebob squarepants’ turns 20

matt lauer waits in parking garage for anonymous source on parenting trends

you can hold snake, owner reports

incredible! check out this atm receipt for an account with over $8,000 in available funds!

teamwork mostly karen

budget cheat day lets government splurge on anything it wants once a week

report: massive hypocrisy just flat-out gets the job done

millions of excited americans gather to watch candidates deliver series of short, elaborately rehearsed speeches