Hi! It's my first time, so be gentle? Don't know if this counts as NSFW, but I'm posting it on a Monday.

Keeping the tradition alive, I would like to say this did not happen today, but a few years ago. Long enough, in fact, to put me to the ol' "horny teen" years. Now my dear Reddit, I'm sure you know what those years are like. If I was alone, I made to sure make use of it by ,*ahem*, "choking the chicken", as it were. I always did it in the bathroom, after perfecting the art of faking poops. One particular day, I was having a little trouble getting over the edge, so I wondered how to spice things up a little. This birthed my fuck up.

Looking around in that bathroom, my horny self concluded that shampoo was the best lube I could get. For those of you who do not know, shampoo dries the skin. See where I'm going? This time, things went fine. I neared the edge, bellowed in a fit of Viking pleasure, "shot the gun"' and cleaned up.

Skip forward some time. Still used the shampoo daily, but now I'm starting to get an itchy feeling on me dear plums. I thought nothing of it. Oh dear, Reddit, how that was a mistake. I used the shampoo again, woke up the next day, and found that my berries were about as dry as a desert and had crispy/dehydrated skin peeling off whenever I moved.

And sweet God, the pain...
Each step was like my little soldiers had been flayed and burned at the stake. Whenever guests came by I would slap on a smile and pretend that Satan was not using my boys like a strawberry-scented Newton's Cradle. My junk has thankfully made a complete recovery, with only mental trauma to remind me that using shampoo as lube is a major fuck up.
user
used shampoo as lube, it dried
assistant
Hi! It's my first time, so be gentle? Don't know if this counts as NSFW, but I'm posting it on a Monday.

Keeping the tradition alive, I would like to say this did not happen today, but a few years ago. Long enough, in fact, to put me to the ol' "horny teen" years. Now my dear Reddit, I'm sure you know what those years are like. If I was alone, I made to sure make use of it by ,*ahem*, "choking the chicken", as it were. I always did it in the bathroom, after perfecting the art of faking poops. One particular day, I was having a little trouble getting over the edge, so I wondered how to spice things up a little. This birthed my fuck up.

Looking around in that bathroom, my horny self concluded that shampoo was the best lube I could get. For those of you who do not know, shampoo dries the skin. See where I'm going? This time, things went fine. I neared the edge, bellowed in a fit of Viking pleasure, "shot the gun"' and cleaned up.

Skip forward some time. Still used the shampoo daily, but now I'm starting to get an itchy feeling on me dear plums. I thought nothing of it. Oh dear, Reddit, how that was a mistake. I used the shampoo again, woke up the next day, and found that my berries were about as dry as a desert and had crispy/dehydrated skin peeling off whenever I moved.

And sweet God, the pain...
Each step was like my little soldiers had been flayed and burned at the stake. Whenever guests came by I would slap on a smile and pretend that Satan was not using my boys like a strawberry-scented Newton's Cradle. My junk has thankfully made a complete recovery, with only mental trauma to remind me that using shampoo as lube is a major fuck up.
user
Used shampoo as lube, shot the
assistant