I was together with my ex "Eve" for about 3 years. We were best friends for 2 years prior to that. I loved her utterly and completely. I could be my genuine self around her, could express vulnerabilities, and she felt like home.  Last year I found out she cheated on me with her close male friend because I went through a very hard month and wasn't available as much as she wanted.  That's all there really is to say about that. 

I went through a month or so of feeling lower than the mariana trench, dealing with all sorts of feelings of inadequacy and betrayal. I came out the other end a spite fueled "better" person at the advice of my friends; far more fit and hungry like the wolf so to speak. 

They advised me to get over her by getting under someone else. I went through a string of one night stands, short relationships, etc but none of them did anything for me. When I felt myself getting close to a potential partner I just got incredibly angry at myself because if someone like Eve could cheat on me, then what's stopping anyone else? 

At the start of this year, I met a girl at the library while we were looking for the same book. I flirted with her a bit and she seemed incredibly receptive. When I asked her out, she told me her boyfriend wouldn't like it. As soon as she said that I got very angry that she even entertained me flirting with her and I don't know why but I told her it didn't matter because she would like it. 

It disgusted me when she accepted my invitation after that. But the feeling I got when we made love was great, even if it was some sort of even more disgusting baseless quasi-revenge. Ever since that time I almost exclusively go for women in relationships. I hate this. I hate myself. 

I was going to have a family with Eve. Picket fence, two kids, and a dog. Now I'm some asshole goes around making women cheat on their partners.
user
I don't feel any satisfaction from relationships unless I'm the other man. How do I stop?
assistant
I was together with my ex "Eve" for about 3 years. We were best friends for 2 years prior to that. I loved her utterly and completely. I could be my genuine self around her, could express vulnerabilities, and she felt like home.  Last year I found out she cheated on me with her close male friend because I went through a very hard month and wasn't available as much as she wanted.  That's all there really is to say about that. 

I went through a month or so of feeling lower than the mariana trench, dealing with all sorts of feelings of inadequacy and betrayal. I came out the other end a spite fueled "better" person at the advice of my friends; far more fit and hungry like the wolf so to speak. 

They advised me to get over her by getting under someone else. I went through a string of one night stands, short relationships, etc but none of them did anything for me. When I felt myself getting close to a potential partner I just got incredibly angry at myself because if someone like Eve could cheat on me, then what's stopping anyone else? 

At the start of this year, I met a girl at the library while we were looking for the same book. I flirted with her a bit and she seemed incredibly receptive. When I asked her out, she told me her boyfriend wouldn't like it. As soon as she said that I got very angry that she even entertained me flirting with her and I don't know why but I told her it didn't matter because she would like it. 

It disgusted me when she accepted my invitation after that. But the feeling I got when we made love was great, even if it was some sort of even more disgusting baseless quasi-revenge. Ever since that time I almost exclusively go for women in relationships. I hate this. I hate myself. 

I was going to have a family with Eve. Picket fence, two kids, and a dog. Now I'm some asshole goes around making women cheat on their partners.
user
How do I stop sabotaging my next relationship because I think I'm no good unless I'm the one cheating?
assistant