My husband is a great man, but he comes from a very tumultuous past.  His family has been a difficult journey for him and I know he's been left emotionally scarred by his situations before our marriage.  

Knowing this, I try to be understanding of some of his challenges; one of them being his temper and lack of empathy. But not always am I able to rationalize or be understanding in the heat of a moment.. so I'm looking for some advice.

I'm sure a therapist can come up with many reasons why my husband has a difficult time empathizing with people; but my question is less about why and more about how I can cope and work with this.

If I'm having an issue and he doesn't agree, or the issue is with him, or he doesn't prioritize it-- it's like trying to draw blood from a stone. My tears don't affect him (I don't do it on purpose- I just tend to be a crier), talking softly and calmly doesn't work, directly saying "I need comfort. I need support right now." won't always work either. In fact, sometimes, he if he thinks I'm upset over something he doesn't deem important, he'll actually become angry at me and be very short and rude.

I've tried to explain "Just because you don't think it's important, doesn't mean I feel the same." or "Even if you don't understand, can't you see I'm upset - can't you still comfort me?" 

He becomes very callous towards me in moments like this -- sometimes moments where I really need the support and understanding. It's difficult for me because I often feel like I am not only left to fend for myself, but that his anger or callousness makes my situation worse.

Does anyone have any advice for this? Anyone who has a hard time relating to others who might offer some perspective? Or someone who lives with a difficult person?

He's never been diagnosed, but maybe someone who has a family member with acute autism might offer some advice on how to successfully cultivate a relationship?

Thank you :)
user
Husband of 5 years has a difficult time empathizing with others. I'm having problems with
assistant
My husband is a great man, but he comes from a very tumultuous past.  His family has been a difficult journey for him and I know he's been left emotionally scarred by his situations before our marriage.  

Knowing this, I try to be understanding of some of his challenges; one of them being his temper and lack of empathy. But not always am I able to rationalize or be understanding in the heat of a moment.. so I'm looking for some advice.

I'm sure a therapist can come up with many reasons why my husband has a difficult time empathizing with people; but my question is less about why and more about how I can cope and work with this.

If I'm having an issue and he doesn't agree, or the issue is with him, or he doesn't prioritize it-- it's like trying to draw blood from a stone. My tears don't affect him (I don't do it on purpose- I just tend to be a crier), talking softly and calmly doesn't work, directly saying "I need comfort. I need support right now." won't always work either. In fact, sometimes, he if he thinks I'm upset over something he doesn't deem important, he'll actually become angry at me and be very short and rude.

I've tried to explain "Just because you don't think it's important, doesn't mean I feel the same." or "Even if you don't understand, can't you see I'm upset - can't you still comfort me?" 

He becomes very callous towards me in moments like this -- sometimes moments where I really need the support and understanding. It's difficult for me because I often feel like I am not only left to fend for myself, but that his anger or callousness makes my situation worse.

Does anyone have any advice for this? Anyone who has a hard time relating to others who might offer some perspective? Or someone who lives with a difficult person?

He's never been diagnosed, but maybe someone who has a family member with acute autism might offer some advice on how to successfully cultivate a relationship?

Thank you :)
user
Can't relate to my husband's emotional difficulties because I've had a difficult childhood and his
assistant