I am in university and am currently in a long-term relationship for the next 6 months. I am in contact with my SO multiple times daily as this is our way of coping with the distance. Lately I've been hanging out a lot with my good male friend [22m] in university who I've known for years (only been with the SO for three months). There is nothing beyond friendship between me and this friend (we'll call him J) as he is gay. However, when J came out to me about a year ago it was a total surprise to me and he told me I absolutely can't tell anyone else.

When I talk with my SO and he asks me where I am/what I'm doing, I am completely honest with him, so often it happens that I tell him I'm hanging out with J. My SO often (playfully) mentions that we shouldn't hang out so much, because I'm a girl, and J is a guy, and he thinks that J likes me. I have said in the past that I'm not J's type, that J already has someone else who he's interested in, etc., and because my SO is a good sport and he trusts me, he has usually accepted it.

However, recently it has become a bit of a sticking point. If I say I'm hanging out with J, he says, "Again??", and ask me why I spend so much time with him. Though I have tried to placate him, I understand fully where he is coming from (I would also be annoyed if he spent a lot of alone time with a female friend) and I don't know how to make this situation go away without outright telling him "J is gay, can we forget about this problem and move on?"

However, I promised J that I wouldn't tell anyone about his orientation. He and my SO have met in the past, and he also hooked up with my SO's best friend and specifically told me not to tell ANYONE. So it's a little complicated.

So I guess my question is, which is more important? Trust within my relationship, or trust within my friendship?
user
SO likes my good friend, but SO doesn't know. SO wants to know if I'm hanging out with friend too much, and if I don't tell SO, I am in trouble.
assistant
I am in university and am currently in a long-term relationship for the next 6 months. I am in contact with my SO multiple times daily as this is our way of coping with the distance. Lately I've been hanging out a lot with my good male friend [22m] in university who I've known for years (only been with the SO for three months). There is nothing beyond friendship between me and this friend (we'll call him J) as he is gay. However, when J came out to me about a year ago it was a total surprise to me and he told me I absolutely can't tell anyone else.

When I talk with my SO and he asks me where I am/what I'm doing, I am completely honest with him, so often it happens that I tell him I'm hanging out with J. My SO often (playfully) mentions that we shouldn't hang out so much, because I'm a girl, and J is a guy, and he thinks that J likes me. I have said in the past that I'm not J's type, that J already has someone else who he's interested in, etc., and because my SO is a good sport and he trusts me, he has usually accepted it.

However, recently it has become a bit of a sticking point. If I say I'm hanging out with J, he says, "Again??", and ask me why I spend so much time with him. Though I have tried to placate him, I understand fully where he is coming from (I would also be annoyed if he spent a lot of alone time with a female friend) and I don't know how to make this situation go away without outright telling him "J is gay, can we forget about this problem and move on?"

However, I promised J that I wouldn't tell anyone about his orientation. He and my SO have met in the past, and he also hooked up with my SO's best friend and specifically told me not to tell ANYONE. So it's a little complicated.

So I guess my question is, which is more important? Trust within my relationship, or trust within my friendship?
user
I am in a long-term relationship with a good friend who is gay. He is upset when I spend time with him in a way that is not exclusive to him, and I want
assistant