My partner and I are very different.  Its what makes our relationship so rich and successful, but also exacerbates healing after a fight.  I'm a planner and my husband is a very of the moment kind of person.  He makes a decision and thinks about the consequences after.  I agonize over details before I take action.  We fight rarely and we love each other deeply.  

When we get in the fight, my SO usually flames up hot and then immediately wants to talk about things and fix them.  I often come away feeling hurt and want to rethink the conversation/consider some solutions.  This means I want a few hours to think about things, calm down and gather my thoughts.  Us not talking makes him feel so upset, that he just wants to say he is sorry and make everything ok.  Well, 'sorry' is not a solution in my book and neither is 'I will try harder next time.'  I feel like I need to take the time to understand my feelings, why we're upset, and how we can fix things.

Well, we just had a spat and I reiterated to my partner that I need time to think.  He came back with a google answer that I'm giving him the silent treatment/stonewalling him, which is a narcissistic tendency.  Is it really wrong to need some time to think arguments through?  I take a 15 minutes to decide what kind of burger I want from McDonalds or look up the menu beforehand and weigh my options.  Can't this just be part of my thought process and not some symptom of a personality disorder?
user
My SO thinks I am giving him the silent treatment by not talking to him after our argument. Is this wrong?
assistant
My partner and I are very different.  Its what makes our relationship so rich and successful, but also exacerbates healing after a fight.  I'm a planner and my husband is a very of the moment kind of person.  He makes a decision and thinks about the consequences after.  I agonize over details before I take action.  We fight rarely and we love each other deeply.  

When we get in the fight, my SO usually flames up hot and then immediately wants to talk about things and fix them.  I often come away feeling hurt and want to rethink the conversation/consider some solutions.  This means I want a few hours to think about things, calm down and gather my thoughts.  Us not talking makes him feel so upset, that he just wants to say he is sorry and make everything ok.  Well, 'sorry' is not a solution in my book and neither is 'I will try harder next time.'  I feel like I need to take the time to understand my feelings, why we're upset, and how we can fix things.

Well, we just had a spat and I reiterated to my partner that I need time to think.  He came back with a google answer that I'm giving him the silent treatment/stonewalling him, which is a narcissistic tendency.  Is it really wrong to need some time to think arguments through?  I take a 15 minutes to decide what kind of burger I want from McDonalds or look up the menu beforehand and weigh my options.  Can't this just be part of my thought process and not some symptom of a personality disorder?
user
SO is a narcissist that needs time to think and please him or me. Is it too much to ask for time
assistant