Last night I was informed by my cousin [46F] that my father had molested two of her paternal cousins and her younger sister (also my cousin) when they were children. She had only found out this summer and was reluctant to tell me until yesterday. 

The effects of my father's actions were severe. One of the victims never pursued any sort of romantic or sexual relationship. Another victim committed suicide years ago while she was in in treatment for depression. 

I am conflicted with this information. I cannot deny that he was a good father to me. His crimes occurred 10 years before I was even born. However, his repeated offences on multiple children make me believe that he is/was a monster. To the best of my knowledge he has never brought up or apologized for the abuse he inflicted on my cousin either. 

I am trying to come from a place of understanding and compassion as to why he did the things he did. All I know about my father's childhood is that his older sister had to take him out of the small town they lived in when he was 13yo. He also has had a severe stutter since he was a child. My cousins believe that my father may have been a product of abuse himself. However, that is just speculation and an attempt at rationalization. 

I feel that I can never look at or talk to my father the same way again unless I confront him about this. I have always looked up to him and idolized him. All my life I believed that he could never harm anyone and now my reality has shifted.

Now I need to figure out how to process this information and what my next steps are. Do I keep this information from the rest of my family? My mother? Do I tell my sister when she has kids? My sister has a lot of anger and I am nervous about telling her. Also, my father is a very proud man and the patriarch of the extended family. If I brought this up to him I fear that he would harm himself out of shame. I want to believe he is a good person now but I'm not sure how to proceed.
user
My father molested a cousin and a sister in the past, never brought it up to me. How
assistant
Last night I was informed by my cousin [46F] that my father had molested two of her paternal cousins and her younger sister (also my cousin) when they were children. She had only found out this summer and was reluctant to tell me until yesterday. 

The effects of my father's actions were severe. One of the victims never pursued any sort of romantic or sexual relationship. Another victim committed suicide years ago while she was in in treatment for depression. 

I am conflicted with this information. I cannot deny that he was a good father to me. His crimes occurred 10 years before I was even born. However, his repeated offences on multiple children make me believe that he is/was a monster. To the best of my knowledge he has never brought up or apologized for the abuse he inflicted on my cousin either. 

I am trying to come from a place of understanding and compassion as to why he did the things he did. All I know about my father's childhood is that his older sister had to take him out of the small town they lived in when he was 13yo. He also has had a severe stutter since he was a child. My cousins believe that my father may have been a product of abuse himself. However, that is just speculation and an attempt at rationalization. 

I feel that I can never look at or talk to my father the same way again unless I confront him about this. I have always looked up to him and idolized him. All my life I believed that he could never harm anyone and now my reality has shifted.

Now I need to figure out how to process this information and what my next steps are. Do I keep this information from the rest of my family? My mother? Do I tell my sister when she has kids? My sister has a lot of anger and I am nervous about telling her. Also, my father is a very proud man and the patriarch of the extended family. If I brought this up to him I fear that he would harm himself out of shame. I want to believe he is a good person now but I'm not sure how to proceed.
user
I found out that my father molested two of his minor children 35-40 years ago. My family is
assistant