Backstory: my father was physically and emotionally abusive, abandoned my mother and I when I was young. After my mother died I reestablished contact. He proved to be a terrible person. In fact, he was being so abusive to the children in his new family that my long time significant other and I went to social services and had an investigation started about the abuse ending any and all contact with him. In short, he is a bad dude and someone worthy of being embarrassed of as a father. 

Now: Years after ending all contact my so and I have moved back to the much smaller town that I grew up in and where he also lives. She mentioned that someone asked her if Mr. Numberbang Sr was my father and she confirmed elaborating what a bad guy he is. Personally, I was mortified that she would air my/our dirty laundry publicly and erupted in anger. She said that either she was going to elaborate on what an all purpose piece of shit he was or flatly deny my relationship to him. 

While I am ashamed of my father, I am proud of the person I have become in spite of him and now neither want to claim or deny his paternity. Instead, I requested that if asked she acknowledge that it is indeed my father, but that we have no contact. She felt I was stifling her ability to distance herself from him and I felt her behavior suggests I should be ashamed somehow for myself. What do you think reddit?
user
I am who I am, whether or not we admit it.
assistant
Backstory: my father was physically and emotionally abusive, abandoned my mother and I when I was young. After my mother died I reestablished contact. He proved to be a terrible person. In fact, he was being so abusive to the children in his new family that my long time significant other and I went to social services and had an investigation started about the abuse ending any and all contact with him. In short, he is a bad dude and someone worthy of being embarrassed of as a father. 

Now: Years after ending all contact my so and I have moved back to the much smaller town that I grew up in and where he also lives. She mentioned that someone asked her if Mr. Numberbang Sr was my father and she confirmed elaborating what a bad guy he is. Personally, I was mortified that she would air my/our dirty laundry publicly and erupted in anger. She said that either she was going to elaborate on what an all purpose piece of shit he was or flatly deny my relationship to him. 

While I am ashamed of my father, I am proud of the person I have become in spite of him and now neither want to claim or deny his paternity. Instead, I requested that if asked she acknowledge that it is indeed my father, but that we have no contact. She felt I was stifling her ability to distance herself from him and I felt her behavior suggests I should be ashamed somehow for myself. What do you think reddit?
user
My SO revealed my father is a bad guy years after
assistant