I'm a 28 year old male who has a consistent habit of self-destructive behavior. From binge drinking, reckless driving, unprotected sex, weird fetishes, etc...the realization that I have a problem is becoming more and more apparent. I don't have any friends and rarely speak to my family. Any close relationship that begins to form, I have to go out of my way to destroy it.
Here's an example of what happened after binge drinking this past weekend. Over the past three weeks, I've been seeing a woman who had her life together. She was amazing and I really enjoyed being around her. When we weren't together, I'd stick to drinking. And like a game, I used her for my enjoyment.
But what I did was terrible. When getting a reaction out of her was becoming difficult, I contacted one of her friends and ex-boyfriend. I never met either of these people and neither knew she was seeing me. The friend I really got going. Her? I broke her. She was emotionally shattered and couldn't understand why I did what I did. I pushed her to the point where the state troopers gave me a courteous call to stop being a dick and cut off all contact.
This is just an example. I've done this a lot. This one really upsets me, though. I threw away a good thing and I can't even figure out why I acted like I did. Worst of all, she's never going to be back in my life which is always go into leave me wondering 'what if.'
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act on what I do. I've never felt more alone than I do now.
user
I'll do
assistant
I'm a 28 year old male who has a consistent habit of self-destructive behavior. From binge drinking, reckless driving, unprotected sex, weird fetishes, etc...the realization that I have a problem is becoming more and more apparent. I don't have any friends and rarely speak to my family. Any close relationship that begins to form, I have to go out of my way to destroy it.
Here's an example of what happened after binge drinking this past weekend. Over the past three weeks, I've been seeing a woman who had her life together. She was amazing and I really enjoyed being around her. When we weren't together, I'd stick to drinking. And like a game, I used her for my enjoyment.
But what I did was terrible. When getting a reaction out of her was becoming difficult, I contacted one of her friends and ex-boyfriend. I never met either of these people and neither knew she was seeing me. The friend I really got going. Her? I broke her. She was emotionally shattered and couldn't understand why I did what I did. I pushed her to the point where the state troopers gave me a courteous call to stop being a dick and cut off all contact.
This is just an example. I've done this a lot. This one really upsets me, though. I threw away a good thing and I can't even figure out why I acted like I did. Worst of all, she's never going to be back in my life which is always go into leave me wondering 'what if.'
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act on what I do. I've never felt more alone than I do now.
user
I've been
assistant