This actually happened yesterday, and I didn't go to work today, so I type this at a Starbucks.

It was my 40th birthday, and I had a great day at work with a couple of nice greetings and congratulations from coworkers. Most people left about 15 minutes early from work, but I really didn't care/notice anything out of the ordinary. 

Around 5:00, I get a text from my wife that says, "Come home for your birthday present in the bedroom :)" 

I rushed home and parked. I went into the house and took off my shoes. My wife was waiting for me in the bedroom, so I decided to pour some wine. I poured two glasses of our nicest bottle and took off my pants and unbuttoned my shirt just so we could get right into it if we needed to.

So, double fisting red wine, boxers showing 80 percent chub, and shirt unbuttoned all the way, I opened the door with my forearm and scooted in with a big grin on my face. 

The first face I saw in the bedroom was my best friend's wife shouting, "SURPRISE!!!!" 

All at once, all of my closest friends and most of my coworkers sprouted from behind the bed, the couches, and the door to my bed room. 

The looks on their faces went from happy to horrified in seconds.

I was panicked, so I threw the glasses of red wine on the carpet and my own shirt, and booked it out of my own house.

As soon as I got to the car, I sped out the driveway, no shoes, no pants, and an unbuttoned wine-stained shirt.

Probably the worst 40th birthday anyone has ever had. I want to post it to reddit on a throwaway so that we can talk about it because I really can't talk to anyone else at this point.
user
I thought I was getting laid on my birthday, and instead it was a surprise party from my best friends who had to clean up
assistant
This actually happened yesterday, and I didn't go to work today, so I type this at a Starbucks.

It was my 40th birthday, and I had a great day at work with a couple of nice greetings and congratulations from coworkers. Most people left about 15 minutes early from work, but I really didn't care/notice anything out of the ordinary. 

Around 5:00, I get a text from my wife that says, "Come home for your birthday present in the bedroom :)" 

I rushed home and parked. I went into the house and took off my shoes. My wife was waiting for me in the bedroom, so I decided to pour some wine. I poured two glasses of our nicest bottle and took off my pants and unbuttoned my shirt just so we could get right into it if we needed to.

So, double fisting red wine, boxers showing 80 percent chub, and shirt unbuttoned all the way, I opened the door with my forearm and scooted in with a big grin on my face. 

The first face I saw in the bedroom was my best friend's wife shouting, "SURPRISE!!!!" 

All at once, all of my closest friends and most of my coworkers sprouted from behind the bed, the couches, and the door to my bed room. 

The looks on their faces went from happy to horrified in seconds.

I was panicked, so I threw the glasses of red wine on the carpet and my own shirt, and booked it out of my own house.

As soon as I got to the car, I sped out the driveway, no shoes, no pants, and an unbuttoned wine-stained shirt.

Probably the worst 40th birthday anyone has ever had. I want to post it to reddit on a throwaway so that we can talk about it because I really can't talk to anyone else at this point.
user
I assumed a birthday present meant sex, so I trashed my clothes and made a hasty escape.
assistant