Everything she says and does to me is meant to belittle and invalidate, whether it’s telling me I’m dirty and lazy for not cleaning my room, throwing my possessions across the floor because “they’re in the wrong place,” or comparing me to her coworker’s daughter (also my roommate), who is “more considerate and respectful to her parents.” I’m moving out for college in a couple of weeks, so at least I can escape.

However, my brother [14/M] is not as fortunate as I am. Because he’s in high school and has a history of “sub-par” grades, my mother is stricter with him than she was with me. She limits his access to electronics because she doesn’t trust him to use them responsibly. In the past, she has completely smashed a laptop and ipod because my brother spent too much time on them. We’ve been going to the library every day since my mother’s constant hovering is affecting my brother’s ability to study at home.

Even my stepdad [42/M] is a victim. He is Mexican, so the racist stereotype of Mexicans being lazy and stupid is ever present in her traditional Asian mind. Whenever we have guests or relatives over, my stepdad is told to say that he is Colombian, Italian, or other ethnicities that don’t have the same stigma as Mexicans. My stepdad has repeatedly told my mother how awful this makes him feel, but she doesn’t listen. She criticizes him for every little thing, while he just puts his head down and takes it. I’ve never once heard her say “I love you” or use any term of endearment. 

My mother is also a victim of domestic abuse and a toxic marriage, if that helps to explain things, and her personality definitely changed after the divorce.

So reddit, is there anything I can do to help my brother and stepdad deal with my mother before I leave for college?
user
My mother
assistant
Everything she says and does to me is meant to belittle and invalidate, whether it’s telling me I’m dirty and lazy for not cleaning my room, throwing my possessions across the floor because “they’re in the wrong place,” or comparing me to her coworker’s daughter (also my roommate), who is “more considerate and respectful to her parents.” I’m moving out for college in a couple of weeks, so at least I can escape.

However, my brother [14/M] is not as fortunate as I am. Because he’s in high school and has a history of “sub-par” grades, my mother is stricter with him than she was with me. She limits his access to electronics because she doesn’t trust him to use them responsibly. In the past, she has completely smashed a laptop and ipod because my brother spent too much time on them. We’ve been going to the library every day since my mother’s constant hovering is affecting my brother’s ability to study at home.

Even my stepdad [42/M] is a victim. He is Mexican, so the racist stereotype of Mexicans being lazy and stupid is ever present in her traditional Asian mind. Whenever we have guests or relatives over, my stepdad is told to say that he is Colombian, Italian, or other ethnicities that don’t have the same stigma as Mexicans. My stepdad has repeatedly told my mother how awful this makes him feel, but she doesn’t listen. She criticizes him for every little thing, while he just puts his head down and takes it. I’ve never once heard her say “I love you” or use any term of endearment. 

My mother is also a victim of domestic abuse and a toxic marriage, if that helps to explain things, and her personality definitely changed after the divorce.

So reddit, is there anything I can do to help my brother and stepdad deal with my mother before I leave for college?
user
My mother
assistant