Hi reddit. I hope my problem isn't too "serious" for /r/relationships, but I'll give it a try.

I always seem to sabotage budding friendships whenever they get 'too good'.

I don't have social anxiety, and I'm decently good at making near-friends. Why do I say near-friends? Because every time someone is about to cross the line from being an aquaintance to a friend, I screw it up subconsiouscly. 

And it's not even something concrete like me not returning calls. I'll just start being weird around them for no reason. I somehow make sure that everything they liked me for (be it humor or whatever) isn't there anymore. And I begin to watch them slowly lose interest.

The logical part of my brain hates it, but the emotional part is telling me "yay, everything back to normal. You belong on the fringes of people's lives and you know it".

It's gone so far that when someone gives me their number, I won't even add it to my contacts list. Because I expect that they'll slip out of my life eventually, and deleting their number hurts too much.

The reason I'm writing this right now is that I'm about to meet a friend today, and I'm afraid I'll sabotage myself again. We've been hitting it off lately and having fun together, which means the risk is even higher.

I just want to have a normal fun time with her without worrying what my subconsious will do. Please?
user
I sabotage almost every friendship
assistant
Hi reddit. I hope my problem isn't too "serious" for /r/relationships, but I'll give it a try.

I always seem to sabotage budding friendships whenever they get 'too good'.

I don't have social anxiety, and I'm decently good at making near-friends. Why do I say near-friends? Because every time someone is about to cross the line from being an aquaintance to a friend, I screw it up subconsiouscly. 

And it's not even something concrete like me not returning calls. I'll just start being weird around them for no reason. I somehow make sure that everything they liked me for (be it humor or whatever) isn't there anymore. And I begin to watch them slowly lose interest.

The logical part of my brain hates it, but the emotional part is telling me "yay, everything back to normal. You belong on the fringes of people's lives and you know it".

It's gone so far that when someone gives me their number, I won't even add it to my contacts list. Because I expect that they'll slip out of my life eventually, and deleting their number hurts too much.

The reason I'm writing this right now is that I'm about to meet a friend today, and I'm afraid I'll sabotage myself again. We've been hitting it off lately and having fun together, which means the risk is even higher.

I just want to have a normal fun time with her without worrying what my subconsious will do. Please?
user
I sabotage friendships when they
assistant