There's WAY too much to this whole story to type out, but I'll do my best to get the basic details.

So, I'm in love with this girl. It's an LDR situation. We dated for about 5 years all together, kinda on and off for a while due to troubles we were having and the whole issue with distance. All-in-all I can definitely say I was the bad guy. I hate myself for it, but I accept that I did it, and am trying as hard as I can to just better myself from that. I've had issues with my mental health a lot in the past, but recently (last year or so) have been improving a lot in that department.

When we were dating there were a lot of hard times. I had a hard time communicating my emotions a lot of the time. I've had problems with substance abuse (alcohol, pills, weed) and that only made the communication problem worse. At the worst times I would go days without saying anything at all to her because I'd just get in one of my 'moods' and that was it. I would just shut down and try to get as messed up as I could. She would break up with me, I would beg for her back or threaten my own well-being to get her back, she would get back with me, rinse, lather, and repeat. I feel I was addicted to her because of how much I loved her, and I just generally have an addictive personality.

About a year ago she had enough. She found someone else she wanted to be with, cut off all communication with me, and went her own way. My only means of talking to her now is through email, which I try to do is little as possible to give her space from me. Lately though, she's given me the chance to be her friend again. Talk on a regular basis and all that jazz. I just don't know what to do. I feel terrified right now. I've been shaking all day and feel like throwing up constantly. I love this girl so much and it feels like I'll never stop loving her like this. I'm just looking for some kind of advice as to what I should do about it. Anything helps really.
user
Was with girl for 5 years, screwed up bad. Stopped talking to me for a year, and I've now been given the chance to talk to her
assistant
There's WAY too much to this whole story to type out, but I'll do my best to get the basic details.

So, I'm in love with this girl. It's an LDR situation. We dated for about 5 years all together, kinda on and off for a while due to troubles we were having and the whole issue with distance. All-in-all I can definitely say I was the bad guy. I hate myself for it, but I accept that I did it, and am trying as hard as I can to just better myself from that. I've had issues with my mental health a lot in the past, but recently (last year or so) have been improving a lot in that department.

When we were dating there were a lot of hard times. I had a hard time communicating my emotions a lot of the time. I've had problems with substance abuse (alcohol, pills, weed) and that only made the communication problem worse. At the worst times I would go days without saying anything at all to her because I'd just get in one of my 'moods' and that was it. I would just shut down and try to get as messed up as I could. She would break up with me, I would beg for her back or threaten my own well-being to get her back, she would get back with me, rinse, lather, and repeat. I feel I was addicted to her because of how much I loved her, and I just generally have an addictive personality.

About a year ago she had enough. She found someone else she wanted to be with, cut off all communication with me, and went her own way. My only means of talking to her now is through email, which I try to do is little as possible to give her space from me. Lately though, she's given me the chance to be her friend again. Talk on a regular basis and all that jazz. I just don't know what to do. I feel terrified right now. I've been shaking all day and feel like throwing up constantly. I love this girl so much and it feels like I'll never stop loving her like this. I'm just looking for some kind of advice as to what I should do about it. Anything helps really.
user
I'm in love with a girl I dated for a long time and I think she had the best of both worlds. I cut her off, and
assistant