Hi Reddit.

I recently broke up with my long-term girlfriend, for a number of reasons (which I now see were bullshit, and just me looking for excuses to end things). After getting out of such a long term relationship, I really felt the need to 'let off some steam' - so arranged a hookup online with someone (who I did not know prior). We met up, and it was awkward as you'd expect, resulting in her giving me a handjob. 

Literally the split second the handjob was over - a wave of guilt and realisation washed over me, and I knew I had made a mistake in breaking up with my girlfriend the month before. I actually vomited when I got home.

I feel like total scum, and like my actions have sullied our relationship forever. But I love this girl, and need to tell her how I feel. So I am planning to write to her and tell her everything, and that I think we should get back together.

Adding to the complication, she is away visiting family for the next 3 weeks. Do I send her a long email now, explaining how I feel? Or do I wait for her to get back and talk in person? Or maybe wait until she gets back and then send an email?

Or perhaps I really am massively in the wrong here, and need to just let her be. She has been crushed by the breakup, would it be better for both of us to just not tell her about this random hookup, and remain broken up?

Really not looking to either be told I've done nothing wrong, nor be told I'm the world's biggest bastard. I feel like shit. I am just looking for advice on the next step from people who might have had similar experiences in the past.

Thanks a lot in advance for any help.
user
Broke up with long term girlfriend and got a handjob online from another woman soon after. Want to get back with her, but unsure on next step.
assistant
Hi Reddit.

I recently broke up with my long-term girlfriend, for a number of reasons (which I now see were bullshit, and just me looking for excuses to end things). After getting out of such a long term relationship, I really felt the need to 'let off some steam' - so arranged a hookup online with someone (who I did not know prior). We met up, and it was awkward as you'd expect, resulting in her giving me a handjob. 

Literally the split second the handjob was over - a wave of guilt and realisation washed over me, and I knew I had made a mistake in breaking up with my girlfriend the month before. I actually vomited when I got home.

I feel like total scum, and like my actions have sullied our relationship forever. But I love this girl, and need to tell her how I feel. So I am planning to write to her and tell her everything, and that I think we should get back together.

Adding to the complication, she is away visiting family for the next 3 weeks. Do I send her a long email now, explaining how I feel? Or do I wait for her to get back and talk in person? Or maybe wait until she gets back and then send an email?

Or perhaps I really am massively in the wrong here, and need to just let her be. She has been crushed by the breakup, would it be better for both of us to just not tell her about this random hookup, and remain broken up?

Really not looking to either be told I've done nothing wrong, nor be told I'm the world's biggest bastard. I feel like shit. I am just looking for advice on the next step from people who might have had similar experiences in the past.

Thanks a lot in advance for any help.
user
Broke up with GF, then hooked up with someone else. Now want to get back with her - how do I tell her?
assistant