(backstory, we have had problems sexually because I have vaginismus which frequently makes sex painful)

The first time I felt like he pushed the boundary was the first night he was home after several months of being apart due to work. We got a hotel room and he made it clear there were no sexual expectations. After talking and snuggling, I began drifting off to sleep. I had just fallen asleep on my side when my boyfriend began lifting my butt cheek gently toward the ceiling then dropping it, so that it would shake/jiggle. He did that and gently patted/spanked my butt and haunches in order to get me in the mood. I woke up to this, and just went ahead and had sex with him, discussing the issue afterward. He claims he didn't know I was asleep and was mortified. He has since talked frequently about how regretful he is of his actions that night. 

Last night, he asked me if I wanted him to go down on me while I was reading a book. (I couldn't fall asleep) I was again lying on my side facing away from him. He snuggled up to me and started kissing my neck and ears and breathing onto them, me still reading my book. This tickled me and I shrugged him off, asked him to stop purposely breathing on me, which he did and continued to kiss my neck and ear. I then shifted positions and saw movement in my peripheral- seeing that he was masturbating. I rolled onto my back and began to help him with my hands and he started to fondle my breasts. It later hit me that he had been masturbating without my knowledge while kissing me. I just feel like he was using my presence/body as something he is sexually attracted to in order to help him get off. He asked me if I wanted to interact with him sexually and I said no, and so he decided to masturbate- but then physically included me without my knowledge.
user
Is it ok that my boyfriend kissed/caressed me while secretly masturbating after I refused to have
assistant
(backstory, we have had problems sexually because I have vaginismus which frequently makes sex painful)

The first time I felt like he pushed the boundary was the first night he was home after several months of being apart due to work. We got a hotel room and he made it clear there were no sexual expectations. After talking and snuggling, I began drifting off to sleep. I had just fallen asleep on my side when my boyfriend began lifting my butt cheek gently toward the ceiling then dropping it, so that it would shake/jiggle. He did that and gently patted/spanked my butt and haunches in order to get me in the mood. I woke up to this, and just went ahead and had sex with him, discussing the issue afterward. He claims he didn't know I was asleep and was mortified. He has since talked frequently about how regretful he is of his actions that night. 

Last night, he asked me if I wanted him to go down on me while I was reading a book. (I couldn't fall asleep) I was again lying on my side facing away from him. He snuggled up to me and started kissing my neck and ears and breathing onto them, me still reading my book. This tickled me and I shrugged him off, asked him to stop purposely breathing on me, which he did and continued to kiss my neck and ear. I then shifted positions and saw movement in my peripheral- seeing that he was masturbating. I rolled onto my back and began to help him with my hands and he started to fondle my breasts. It later hit me that he had been masturbating without my knowledge while kissing me. I just feel like he was using my presence/body as something he is sexually attracted to in order to help him get off. He asked me if I wanted to interact with him sexually and I said no, and so he decided to masturbate- but then physically included me without my knowledge.
user
Boyfriend was masturbating while I was nowhere in sight, and I was left with a sense
assistant