so, a year before i met my current SO, I broke up with my long-term girlfriend.

We had been together 3 years. we were making mac and cheese.

I saw that her phone buzzed and recognized my bestfriend of 6 years at-the-time's number

literally thought "oh, the woman i love and the dude who's always got my back. they must be planning a surprise or having a silly conversation." and so I went on to read the little message preview that appeared at the top.

nope. he was informing her how hard the pictures she sent were making him.

so. that was time i caught her cheating number one.
I loved her and I was stupid and young so I wanted to try and make things work.

so after the most uncomfortable and sad 6 months of my life-- where in she would leave "to see her family" for weeks at a time--i read her post to reddit (on the acct i helped her make) about how her fwb had confessed his love and that she felt nothing for me.

she'd been making trips to fuck this..fuck wit for months!
I've yet to feel another pain like that.

I'm worried its screwing with my current relationship. Im not as open as i was before cheating girl. I invested myself wholly in that relationship. i was head over heals in love.
 I love the woman I'm with...and we've got a deep connection...but i just dont feel that visceral...selflessness. I am more guarded, witholding, and suspicious...

I want to talk to my SO about it ...but what do i even say? I feel keeping it to myself and just working on trusting her again would be the best. i dont want my hangups to make her sadder...i dont want to make things worse.... I feel locked inside my head.
user
past relationship caused anxiety and allowing for cheating in current relationship...preventing me from moving forward...worried past cheating will screw with current
assistant
so, a year before i met my current SO, I broke up with my long-term girlfriend.

We had been together 3 years. we were making mac and cheese.

I saw that her phone buzzed and recognized my bestfriend of 6 years at-the-time's number

literally thought "oh, the woman i love and the dude who's always got my back. they must be planning a surprise or having a silly conversation." and so I went on to read the little message preview that appeared at the top.

nope. he was informing her how hard the pictures she sent were making him.

so. that was time i caught her cheating number one.
I loved her and I was stupid and young so I wanted to try and make things work.

so after the most uncomfortable and sad 6 months of my life-- where in she would leave "to see her family" for weeks at a time--i read her post to reddit (on the acct i helped her make) about how her fwb had confessed his love and that she felt nothing for me.

she'd been making trips to fuck this..fuck wit for months!
I've yet to feel another pain like that.

I'm worried its screwing with my current relationship. Im not as open as i was before cheating girl. I invested myself wholly in that relationship. i was head over heals in love.
 I love the woman I'm with...and we've got a deep connection...but i just dont feel that visceral...selflessness. I am more guarded, witholding, and suspicious...

I want to talk to my SO about it ...but what do i even say? I feel keeping it to myself and just working on trusting her again would be the best. i dont want my hangups to make her sadder...i dont want to make things worse.... I feel locked inside my head.
user
cheated on my long term SO w/long term fwb in past relationships. afraid past cheating has caused me to shut down
assistant