I am 21m and I am an aspie and I am terrified.

I am terrified about the future ahead of me. The reason for this is because I am aware of the fate of my demographic. With a terrifying unemployment rate as well as a shorter life expectancy how does one not be terrified? But the biggest things that scare me so much are relationships and myself.

The reason why I am terrified about relationships is not the relationship itself but rather how I interact with it. Aside from having tremendous difficulty obtaining the attention of a female. I leave out the fact that I have asd. My fears are when this person likes me and it ends up being serious and getting married, I end up becoming a heartless burden. I have read the stories of people in a relationship with them and it scares me. It scares me so much that I cry myself to sleep dreading that end. Everything I read about me reinforces this. I fear that there will be no happy ending, there will be no tree waiting for me. I dread being lonely it feels like death by a thousand cuts. I just desire to be normal, just like any other bloke. People have told me to be optimistic but with such statistics that I have seen it is very difficult to be so. 

I am terrified of myself. I have dated before and there was one girl that I liked so very much and liked me in return. But she had to leave so being me...I went to find another date so quickly. How heartless can one be to do this? I can't feel like normal people would. How can I show my love for that person? I have sworn to never ever become a burden nor to cause pain to another person. But I am terrified of being lonely. What am I to do when my existence will cause another person's pain? I can not tolerate my existence if I am condemned to loneliness nor can my existence causes pain to others.  I don't want relationships to become toxic to my SO. But I am terrified of being lonely. I don't want to be that aspie nightmare that I have seen and read about. Will there be a tree for me or will the stories be true and it never gets better.
user
I am an aspie and I am terrified of myself and what I ultimately want out of life. What should
assistant
I am 21m and I am an aspie and I am terrified.

I am terrified about the future ahead of me. The reason for this is because I am aware of the fate of my demographic. With a terrifying unemployment rate as well as a shorter life expectancy how does one not be terrified? But the biggest things that scare me so much are relationships and myself.

The reason why I am terrified about relationships is not the relationship itself but rather how I interact with it. Aside from having tremendous difficulty obtaining the attention of a female. I leave out the fact that I have asd. My fears are when this person likes me and it ends up being serious and getting married, I end up becoming a heartless burden. I have read the stories of people in a relationship with them and it scares me. It scares me so much that I cry myself to sleep dreading that end. Everything I read about me reinforces this. I fear that there will be no happy ending, there will be no tree waiting for me. I dread being lonely it feels like death by a thousand cuts. I just desire to be normal, just like any other bloke. People have told me to be optimistic but with such statistics that I have seen it is very difficult to be so. 

I am terrified of myself. I have dated before and there was one girl that I liked so very much and liked me in return. But she had to leave so being me...I went to find another date so quickly. How heartless can one be to do this? I can't feel like normal people would. How can I show my love for that person? I have sworn to never ever become a burden nor to cause pain to another person. But I am terrified of being lonely. What am I to do when my existence will cause another person's pain? I can not tolerate my existence if I am condemned to loneliness nor can my existence causes pain to others.  I don't want relationships to become toxic to my SO. But I am terrified of being lonely. I don't want to be that aspie nightmare that I have seen and read about. Will there be a tree for me or will the stories be true and it never gets better.
user
I am terrified of relationships and loneliness.
assistant