Obligatory this actually happened today.

Long time lurker, thought it was about time I made a post after a FU actually happened. 

So without further ado, the FU... It's 2am, and I'm pretty exhausted having been on le computer for a couple hours as redditors often are. I stagger to my bedroom to find the cat already asleep in my bed. I give him a couple of nudges to get him to move over, and he refuses. Typical cat tactic, so I pick him up, he tries to bite me warningly in protest and set him down on the ground. I then proceed to get comfy and start falling asleep. As I'm getting drowsy, two things happen: a) Throat starts to get itchy because dear redditors, I am mildly allergic to cats, but I'm tired as fuck so I ignore this... And b) The cat jumps back into the bed with me and settles into a ball next to my head. Too tired to protest so I allow this as well... 

Huge mistake. 

I fall asleep only to wake up two hours later with some kind of wet patch near my shoulder as I shifted a bit in my sleep.  I wake up fearing some kind of wet dream scenario had transpired and jump out of bed. I look back and there, right next to where I was sleeping, are two neatly shaped cylinders in a puddle of ew. I clean it up as best I can but the ew soaked into the mattress, my entire family + guest are asleep and I have to handle the situation as quietly as possible. So, I have little choice but to put a couple of towels down to absorb any remains, lay down my blanket as a buffer and sleep in the same bed. Now I'm wide awake at 6 am and mildly grossed out.
user
tried to sleep in
assistant
Obligatory this actually happened today.

Long time lurker, thought it was about time I made a post after a FU actually happened. 

So without further ado, the FU... It's 2am, and I'm pretty exhausted having been on le computer for a couple hours as redditors often are. I stagger to my bedroom to find the cat already asleep in my bed. I give him a couple of nudges to get him to move over, and he refuses. Typical cat tactic, so I pick him up, he tries to bite me warningly in protest and set him down on the ground. I then proceed to get comfy and start falling asleep. As I'm getting drowsy, two things happen: a) Throat starts to get itchy because dear redditors, I am mildly allergic to cats, but I'm tired as fuck so I ignore this... And b) The cat jumps back into the bed with me and settles into a ball next to my head. Too tired to protest so I allow this as well... 

Huge mistake. 

I fall asleep only to wake up two hours later with some kind of wet patch near my shoulder as I shifted a bit in my sleep.  I wake up fearing some kind of wet dream scenario had transpired and jump out of bed. I look back and there, right next to where I was sleeping, are two neatly shaped cylinders in a puddle of ew. I clean it up as best I can but the ew soaked into the mattress, my entire family + guest are asleep and I have to handle the situation as quietly as possible. So, I have little choice but to put a couple of towels down to absorb any remains, lay down my blanket as a buffer and sleep in the same bed. Now I'm wide awake at 6 am and mildly grossed out.
user
Tried to let the
assistant