Hi Reddit,

My boyfriend has an addiction to pain killers and alcohol, he has been battling the drug addiction on and off since he was 19 and had bone cancer. We've known one another for a few years always been good friends, started dating about a year ago. 

He was married for a couple years in his early 20's, they got engaged at 6 months and married at a year, and admits he never loved his ex-wife, he just married her because she helped him get over his addiction and he felt like he owed her a marriage and once his addiction resurfaced they called it quits. He often says he used her as a crutch.

I don't know what to do. We have a great relationship except when he is having episodes of addiction, and I want to be there for him, but not enable him. I'm definitely a tough love kind of person, but he doesn't respond well to that, he strives on positive reinforcement, but I fear becoming an enabler, but recently no matter what I do he just keeps throwing himself a pity party and saying how depressed he is and how he feels like such a failure. His longest stretch of alcohol sobriety is 36 hours and his drug addiction sobriety is at 3 weeks right now.

I've tried everything and he just doesn't understand happiness is his choice he isn't choosing to be happy. No matter what I do his moral just gets worse and worse and he throws himself a bigger and bigger pity party. I don't know if I should stay and try to help him through this, and he potentially take me for granted like he did his wife, or go completely tough love and leave until he is better, and risk him killing himself or thinking I abandoned him in his time of need. I love him and can't imagine being with anyone else, despite his addiction problems. How do I help him reddit? :(
user
my boyfriend has a drug addiction/alcoholic disorder and I love him but don't know
assistant
Hi Reddit,

My boyfriend has an addiction to pain killers and alcohol, he has been battling the drug addiction on and off since he was 19 and had bone cancer. We've known one another for a few years always been good friends, started dating about a year ago. 

He was married for a couple years in his early 20's, they got engaged at 6 months and married at a year, and admits he never loved his ex-wife, he just married her because she helped him get over his addiction and he felt like he owed her a marriage and once his addiction resurfaced they called it quits. He often says he used her as a crutch.

I don't know what to do. We have a great relationship except when he is having episodes of addiction, and I want to be there for him, but not enable him. I'm definitely a tough love kind of person, but he doesn't respond well to that, he strives on positive reinforcement, but I fear becoming an enabler, but recently no matter what I do he just keeps throwing himself a pity party and saying how depressed he is and how he feels like such a failure. His longest stretch of alcohol sobriety is 36 hours and his drug addiction sobriety is at 3 weeks right now.

I've tried everything and he just doesn't understand happiness is his choice he isn't choosing to be happy. No matter what I do his moral just gets worse and worse and he throws himself a bigger and bigger pity party. I don't know if I should stay and try to help him through this, and he potentially take me for granted like he did his wife, or go completely tough love and leave until he is better, and risk him killing himself or thinking I abandoned him in his time of need. I love him and can't imagine being with anyone else, despite his addiction problems. How do I help him reddit? :(
user
Boyfriend is an addict, keeps getting worse. Don't know how to help him.
assistant