I'm in a relationship of almost a whole year, and I feel like I'm becoming very controlling and shallow over my SO's haircut. 

Hear me out, please. First I want to explain *why* I am acting so toxic. I'm relatively low maintenance clothing-wise, but love makeup and making sure my hair at least looks passable/nice. Shallow? That part, I might be. Vain, even. 

But that's just on me and myself. I feel terrible for also projecting my own values on my boyfriend. For the most part I don't give a shit, and he's been so nice and accepting even when I'm looking blah on bad days. 

But I asked him the other day if he was planning to grow out his hair. I don't really mind long hair, mind you, but he told me no (and that he'd eventually get it cut. Idk)... Thing is, he hasn't gotten a haircut since December and... well... it looks... unattractive. I mean, like someone bleaching their own hair, having it turn orangey, not liking it, but not doing anything to fix it either. 

However, all the same, I've been on his case about getting his hair cut for a while and I feel horrible about it. I found out yesterday that he's not planning to do anything about it before visiting me in three months (LDR), and I just clammed up very very badly on Skype and couldn't admit what was wrong,  because I just felt so guilty about being this shallow. With passing time, the tension just snowballed. 

What do I do?? I really need to find out how to overcome my own vanity problems. :-(
user
Boyfriend doesn't maintain his hair, acknowledges it and says he
assistant
I'm in a relationship of almost a whole year, and I feel like I'm becoming very controlling and shallow over my SO's haircut. 

Hear me out, please. First I want to explain *why* I am acting so toxic. I'm relatively low maintenance clothing-wise, but love makeup and making sure my hair at least looks passable/nice. Shallow? That part, I might be. Vain, even. 

But that's just on me and myself. I feel terrible for also projecting my own values on my boyfriend. For the most part I don't give a shit, and he's been so nice and accepting even when I'm looking blah on bad days. 

But I asked him the other day if he was planning to grow out his hair. I don't really mind long hair, mind you, but he told me no (and that he'd eventually get it cut. Idk)... Thing is, he hasn't gotten a haircut since December and... well... it looks... unattractive. I mean, like someone bleaching their own hair, having it turn orangey, not liking it, but not doing anything to fix it either. 

However, all the same, I've been on his case about getting his hair cut for a while and I feel horrible about it. I found out yesterday that he's not planning to do anything about it before visiting me in three months (LDR), and I just clammed up very very badly on Skype and couldn't admit what was wrong,  because I just felt so guilty about being this shallow. With passing time, the tension just snowballed. 

What do I do?? I really need to find out how to overcome my own vanity problems. :-(
user
Boyfriend doesn't get haircut/coffee/grilled, and it's making me feel shitty
assistant