So, my boyfriend ("Sam") of four years proposed two weeks ago. We have an excellent relationship - I think we communicate well, we are happy together, similar ambitions, etc. and I feel very happy with him. We've talked about marriage and a future together before but I wasn't expecting the proposal at this time. I was overwhelmed with happiness and said yes. 

However, now the celebrations and all the fun of telling people being and being congratulated has slowed down, it has occurred to me that we there is an issue we've never fully addressed between us. Sam definitely wants children. I genuinely don't know if I do. I'm not childfree, I like kids and I can see the positives, but I'm also very career driven and kids have never been a priority for me. When I was younger I thought I definitely *didn't* want kids but that's changed to a maybe as I've got older. I actually work with children and families now which has been the main impetus for this change from "no" to "maybe". But Sam has always been clear he definitely wants kids. I am firmly on the fence right now and that's as much as I can say. 

So, I brought this up last night. I said to Sam it worried me that we'd never answered this question about our future and I was worried we would get married, and in 5 years I'd realise I didn't want children and we'd divorce. Sam said he had thought about this before he proposed, and he decided he could have a happy life with me without children, if that's how it turned out. 

My problem is...I'm not sure I believe him, or at least I'm not sure that he will always feel that way. I worry that because he's in love with me, he's not being honest about how much he wants kids. He was always sure he did before. If I decide I don't want children, is this going to create resentment? 

Should I take him at his word or ask that we put off the engagement/marriage until I can give a solid answer about having children?
user
My boyfriend of 4
assistant
So, my boyfriend ("Sam") of four years proposed two weeks ago. We have an excellent relationship - I think we communicate well, we are happy together, similar ambitions, etc. and I feel very happy with him. We've talked about marriage and a future together before but I wasn't expecting the proposal at this time. I was overwhelmed with happiness and said yes. 

However, now the celebrations and all the fun of telling people being and being congratulated has slowed down, it has occurred to me that we there is an issue we've never fully addressed between us. Sam definitely wants children. I genuinely don't know if I do. I'm not childfree, I like kids and I can see the positives, but I'm also very career driven and kids have never been a priority for me. When I was younger I thought I definitely *didn't* want kids but that's changed to a maybe as I've got older. I actually work with children and families now which has been the main impetus for this change from "no" to "maybe". But Sam has always been clear he definitely wants kids. I am firmly on the fence right now and that's as much as I can say. 

So, I brought this up last night. I said to Sam it worried me that we'd never answered this question about our future and I was worried we would get married, and in 5 years I'd realise I didn't want children and we'd divorce. Sam said he had thought about this before he proposed, and he decided he could have a happy life with me without children, if that's how it turned out. 

My problem is...I'm not sure I believe him, or at least I'm not sure that he will always feel that way. I worry that because he's in love with me, he's not being honest about how much he wants kids. He was always sure he did before. If I decide I don't want children, is this going to create resentment? 

Should I take him at his word or ask that we put off the engagement/marriage until I can give a solid answer about having children?
user
My boyfriend might want
assistant