78 days ago I was taken from my college to the crisis center. After 57 days of the psyche ward, rehab and MICA i made it back home. While I was there I was diagnosed with BPD, clinical depression, and an anxiety disorder. I was doing really good when I first got, but i've become bored. It's become hard to stay positive, in the support groups i've gone to, i've been told that i've be experiencing manic episodes, when i speak about my feelings. I haven't been able to find a permanent   therapist or doctor yet. The doctor i did meet with told me my paranoia that i associated with my anxiety sounds more like delusions of grandeur often associated with schizophrenia. I fear when I find a doctor my diagnosis will be worse. My moods have been in a constant swing in every direction. I'm looking for a sweet release, but the only thing that comes to mind is cutting myself. I'm starting to think about giving up and going back to drinking and heroin, whats the point if my life is still completely crazy clean and sober. I've began isolating myself again because with all of this going on I feel like less of a person and haven't been able to pick up the phone or message friends. I think they all forgot about me. I can't figure out what I want, to finish college or not. I still miss my ex, but she won't talk to me. we haven't talked since I went in. Just felt like getting this all off my chest thanks.
user
I'm in a shitty place, I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression, and I don't know what to do
assistant
78 days ago I was taken from my college to the crisis center. After 57 days of the psyche ward, rehab and MICA i made it back home. While I was there I was diagnosed with BPD, clinical depression, and an anxiety disorder. I was doing really good when I first got, but i've become bored. It's become hard to stay positive, in the support groups i've gone to, i've been told that i've be experiencing manic episodes, when i speak about my feelings. I haven't been able to find a permanent   therapist or doctor yet. The doctor i did meet with told me my paranoia that i associated with my anxiety sounds more like delusions of grandeur often associated with schizophrenia. I fear when I find a doctor my diagnosis will be worse. My moods have been in a constant swing in every direction. I'm looking for a sweet release, but the only thing that comes to mind is cutting myself. I'm starting to think about giving up and going back to drinking and heroin, whats the point if my life is still completely crazy clean and sober. I've began isolating myself again because with all of this going on I feel like less of a person and haven't been able to pick up the phone or message friends. I think they all forgot about me. I can't figure out what I want, to finish college or not. I still miss my ex, but she won't talk to me. we haven't talked since I went in. Just felt like getting this all off my chest thanks.
user
A bit of a rant about my life and trying to figure out what I want for my life.
assistant