So I was diagnosed as a manic depressive last year. It has been a pretty horrible couple of years for me because I haven't felt like myself at all. My sex drive became non existent sometime last year, and we basically just stopped having sex. I could tell it was really bothering him, but for some reason he stuck around, and I will be forever grateful for that. 

I am starting to get my life back together (new job, excersizing again, making an effort to have friends), and I really want to show my boyfriend how much it means to me that he has gone through so much shit just to be with me. My sex drive still is very low, but I want to start initiating sex with him and taking control, which I haven't done in over 3 years... he always initiates and have a feeling he would be extremely happy if I did it for once. I actually think I would enjoy taking control, even though I am mostly a pretty submissive person. 

Here's the problem. I am SO in my head about it. Every time I think it would be the right time to initiate, I freak out and go to this dark place in my head that tells me I won't be good at it, it will be awkward and I will fail. I get so nervous about it, and sometimes I act just completely weird (going in for a kiss that actually turns out to be a hug...). 

Honestly, this is what I would love help with: ladies! Could I get a play by play of how to initiate sex and take control of the situation. I have never considered myself a sexy person, but I know he thinks I'm sexy (tells me all the time), so I must be doing something right... I just don't know what. I am having to get to know myself all over again, and I would love to learn more about what I can be like it bed without having to be in my manic state...
user
manic depressive, sex drive
assistant
So I was diagnosed as a manic depressive last year. It has been a pretty horrible couple of years for me because I haven't felt like myself at all. My sex drive became non existent sometime last year, and we basically just stopped having sex. I could tell it was really bothering him, but for some reason he stuck around, and I will be forever grateful for that. 

I am starting to get my life back together (new job, excersizing again, making an effort to have friends), and I really want to show my boyfriend how much it means to me that he has gone through so much shit just to be with me. My sex drive still is very low, but I want to start initiating sex with him and taking control, which I haven't done in over 3 years... he always initiates and have a feeling he would be extremely happy if I did it for once. I actually think I would enjoy taking control, even though I am mostly a pretty submissive person. 

Here's the problem. I am SO in my head about it. Every time I think it would be the right time to initiate, I freak out and go to this dark place in my head that tells me I won't be good at it, it will be awkward and I will fail. I get so nervous about it, and sometimes I act just completely weird (going in for a kiss that actually turns out to be a hug...). 

Honestly, this is what I would love help with: ladies! Could I get a play by play of how to initiate sex and take control of the situation. I have never considered myself a sexy person, but I know he thinks I'm sexy (tells me all the time), so I must be doing something right... I just don't know what. I am having to get to know myself all over again, and I would love to learn more about what I can be like it bed without having to be in my manic state...
user
I wasn't myself for
assistant