To start out with I've been in this relationship for 3 years. We were very happy and had great communication. We are swingers and each have had boyfriends/girlfriends other than each other but we spend the majority of our time with each other (he is 46M), we even live together. The other relationships are more like just dating.

Seven months ago he went out of town to visit a new potential girlfriend. While he was gone (this was all discussed prior to his departure) I had one of my boyfriends visit. We have done this many times...

He had a HORRIBLE weekend (my weekend was great) and when he got home he tells me "I need to re-evaluate what I want". I asked him if that meant our relationship in general. His reply was: "yes, I'm putting everything on the table, clearing it off and putting what I want back on. We'll talk when I have it figured out". For 1 week he left me in limbo, instead of our usual amazing communication I pretty much got the silent treatment. 

I went into a defensive mode..I had no idea what to think of this situation. After that week he comes back and says he wants to be monogamous. I told him that I don't.  He said that he would be fine if we both date a bit on the side but didn't want us being in a big relationship with anyone else. 

Fast forward a few months; we are growing apart. I have a very difficult time being affectionate towards someone that I feel defensive towards (who knows if he will put everything on the table again) and I've expressed this to him...
 
My defensiveness and lack of showing affection makes him think that I am searching for someone else and he often accuses me of wanting someone else. This confuses me (which we have discussed as well) because given the nature of our agreement of dating other people I am interested in other people.

We have discussed this at least once a month since August and it's not getting better. We try to find a solution only to come back to the same discussion again and again. It has been 7 months.  How long do we keep trying?
user
in a long term relationship, BF and I are breaking up, he wants to be
assistant
To start out with I've been in this relationship for 3 years. We were very happy and had great communication. We are swingers and each have had boyfriends/girlfriends other than each other but we spend the majority of our time with each other (he is 46M), we even live together. The other relationships are more like just dating.

Seven months ago he went out of town to visit a new potential girlfriend. While he was gone (this was all discussed prior to his departure) I had one of my boyfriends visit. We have done this many times...

He had a HORRIBLE weekend (my weekend was great) and when he got home he tells me "I need to re-evaluate what I want". I asked him if that meant our relationship in general. His reply was: "yes, I'm putting everything on the table, clearing it off and putting what I want back on. We'll talk when I have it figured out". For 1 week he left me in limbo, instead of our usual amazing communication I pretty much got the silent treatment. 

I went into a defensive mode..I had no idea what to think of this situation. After that week he comes back and says he wants to be monogamous. I told him that I don't.  He said that he would be fine if we both date a bit on the side but didn't want us being in a big relationship with anyone else. 

Fast forward a few months; we are growing apart. I have a very difficult time being affectionate towards someone that I feel defensive towards (who knows if he will put everything on the table again) and I've expressed this to him...
 
My defensiveness and lack of showing affection makes him think that I am searching for someone else and he often accuses me of wanting someone else. This confuses me (which we have discussed as well) because given the nature of our agreement of dating other people I am interested in other people.

We have discussed this at least once a month since August and it's not getting better. We try to find a solution only to come back to the same discussion again and again. It has been 7 months.  How long do we keep trying?
user
He (46M) had a bad weekend that made him re-evaluate if he still wanted to
assistant