Currently in cognitive/behavioral therapy. 6 years ago I was in a relationship with a girl with borderline personality disorder for some months. I just realize now that having invested emotionally and sentimentally in such a nut case has fucked up my sentimental life. Here are the main characteristics of the relationship I could remember:

* She was unstable, the relationship was always on the verge of a breakup, no matter how much care I put in it.

* She had deep depression and eating disorders (she always avoided to have dinner or lunch with me).

* She was sometime seemingly loving but subtly conveying that I was not perfect or good enough for her

* She was intellectually devaluing. She belonged to a religious sect and always made me feel like I was missing something by not being part of it (this fucked up my successive relationship with a mildly catholic girl because I became very scared of religious people in general). I now realize how manipulative this was.

* She was escalating physically only to block just before intercourse, we have never had complete sex.

This has created a lot of roadblocks for me to get into a new relationship. From the cognitive point of view, I guess that I just learnt by association that religious girls are going to hurt. I have always been tolerant and open-minded before, but this has forced me into a very closed-mindset. Only now I am beginning to open up my-self again by reconsidering my position under this new understanding.  

I am actually un-learning some cognitive distortion I have learnt in the past; although the fear remains (especially when meeting new girls who present a spiritual side). By the way, you may wonder if I have understood why I was in such a relationship from the beginning. It was neediness, fear of not being worth of a relationship in general. These are all things I've worked on during years.

What are your practical advices to smooth the transition towards a fulfilling sentimental life? How do you assess whether a specific behavior of your SO is abusive and can produce long lasting damage?
user
3 years ago
assistant
Currently in cognitive/behavioral therapy. 6 years ago I was in a relationship with a girl with borderline personality disorder for some months. I just realize now that having invested emotionally and sentimentally in such a nut case has fucked up my sentimental life. Here are the main characteristics of the relationship I could remember:

* She was unstable, the relationship was always on the verge of a breakup, no matter how much care I put in it.

* She had deep depression and eating disorders (she always avoided to have dinner or lunch with me).

* She was sometime seemingly loving but subtly conveying that I was not perfect or good enough for her

* She was intellectually devaluing. She belonged to a religious sect and always made me feel like I was missing something by not being part of it (this fucked up my successive relationship with a mildly catholic girl because I became very scared of religious people in general). I now realize how manipulative this was.

* She was escalating physically only to block just before intercourse, we have never had complete sex.

This has created a lot of roadblocks for me to get into a new relationship. From the cognitive point of view, I guess that I just learnt by association that religious girls are going to hurt. I have always been tolerant and open-minded before, but this has forced me into a very closed-mindset. Only now I am beginning to open up my-self again by reconsidering my position under this new understanding.  

I am actually un-learning some cognitive distortion I have learnt in the past; although the fear remains (especially when meeting new girls who present a spiritual side). By the way, you may wonder if I have understood why I was in such a relationship from the beginning. It was neediness, fear of not being worth of a relationship in general. These are all things I've worked on during years.

What are your practical advices to smooth the transition towards a fulfilling sentimental life? How do you assess whether a specific behavior of your SO is abusive and can produce long lasting damage?
user
Abusive relationship fucked
assistant