We've been married for 14 years.  3 kids.  He's been sober from his alcohol addiction for 6 months.  He still suffers from depression, anxiety, and anger issues, but he is seeing a psychiatrist and taking meds (not willing to see a therapist though, but he does go to AA almost every day).  We're in couples counseling since I threatened divorce when he refused to get treatment for alcoholism.

Anyway, I feel like many years have gone by where I have been neglected sexually and physical affection-wise.  I have brought this up again and again, and things will get a little better for a few weeks and then back to the status quo.  Since approaching 40, I feel like my time is running out for still being attractive to men, and I hate living like a nun in this marriage.  Ideally I would love to be having a physical relationship with my husband, but he just is not that into it.  We haven't had sex for almost a year.

I have some depression issues too, but it's well controlled with meds.  I don't want a divorce, because I feel like that would completely upset our lives and our children's lives.  I just want to be held and made love to on a regular basis (i.e., not just once every few months when all the stars align).  I know he does not want a divorce either; in fact he begged me to go to counseling with him because he was afraid I would want a divorce.

The therapist actually threw out the idea of an open marriage a few months ago, and he said he would not be ok with that.  I said I didn't really want that, I wanted an intimate relationship with my husband.  But things don't seem to be getting closer to my needs being met, and *I* am not ok with forced celibacy.  

So my question is, if I bring up the idea that at this point I'd like an open marriage, how do you think he would react?  How would you react to just being asked if your partner could "subcontract out" her physical needs?
user
I want an open marriage, but husband [42m] is not into it. He will not see a therapist, and I think that's a red flag. How should I
assistant
We've been married for 14 years.  3 kids.  He's been sober from his alcohol addiction for 6 months.  He still suffers from depression, anxiety, and anger issues, but he is seeing a psychiatrist and taking meds (not willing to see a therapist though, but he does go to AA almost every day).  We're in couples counseling since I threatened divorce when he refused to get treatment for alcoholism.

Anyway, I feel like many years have gone by where I have been neglected sexually and physical affection-wise.  I have brought this up again and again, and things will get a little better for a few weeks and then back to the status quo.  Since approaching 40, I feel like my time is running out for still being attractive to men, and I hate living like a nun in this marriage.  Ideally I would love to be having a physical relationship with my husband, but he just is not that into it.  We haven't had sex for almost a year.

I have some depression issues too, but it's well controlled with meds.  I don't want a divorce, because I feel like that would completely upset our lives and our children's lives.  I just want to be held and made love to on a regular basis (i.e., not just once every few months when all the stars align).  I know he does not want a divorce either; in fact he begged me to go to counseling with him because he was afraid I would want a divorce.

The therapist actually threw out the idea of an open marriage a few months ago, and he said he would not be ok with that.  I said I didn't really want that, I wanted an intimate relationship with my husband.  But things don't seem to be getting closer to my needs being met, and *I* am not ok with forced celibacy.  

So my question is, if I bring up the idea that at this point I'd like an open marriage, how do you think he would react?  How would you react to just being asked if your partner could "subcontract out" her physical needs?
user
I want an open marriage, but I want to love my husband and have sex with him on a regular basis. He would not be ok with this.
assistant