Let me start by saying that I use the word attraction to cover a multitude of things, physical attraction, melting a little when you see them smile, passion etc. 
So the background - my previous relationship to this ended when my boyfriend at the time got stationed overseas. We'd only been dating a couple months and although crazy about eachother we were realistic that such a young relationship couldn't survive something like that so called it a day. He was also completely against having kids which would have ended up being a deal breaker for me further down the line in any case.
Fast forward to now, I've been dating a guy for four months who on paper should be my perfect match, mutual friends, great with my parents, wants a family of his own, caring...but I've just never had that burning passion towards him. He's such a great guy though so I've always pushed that to the back of my mind.
Last night I bumped into my ex on my way home who I hadn't seen before he was stationed away, we decided to go for a drink and a catch up and it was like he'd never gone - the instant click, the laughing, feeling so comfortable. I realised its because I feel so passionately about him that it takes everything to a new level.
That's just something I don't have with my current boyfriend. I don't find him that physically attractive, he's pretty small whilst historically I've always gone for muscular men (there's something about having a cuddle from a pair of strong arms that makes me melt), and I've just realised that, unfortunately I don't think love can exist without that passion behind it.
How can I tell him that I don't want to carry on dating without upsetting him? He's quite sensitive and I don't think he'll understand that it's not only about his looks. It's not so much that I'm not attracted to him, I just that I don't have passion in my heart.... I don't want to mention my ex because then he'll just compare himself and it's much more complex than that.
user
boyfriend is a great guy on paper but I'm not attracted enough to him to get any closer to him.
assistant
Let me start by saying that I use the word attraction to cover a multitude of things, physical attraction, melting a little when you see them smile, passion etc. 
So the background - my previous relationship to this ended when my boyfriend at the time got stationed overseas. We'd only been dating a couple months and although crazy about eachother we were realistic that such a young relationship couldn't survive something like that so called it a day. He was also completely against having kids which would have ended up being a deal breaker for me further down the line in any case.
Fast forward to now, I've been dating a guy for four months who on paper should be my perfect match, mutual friends, great with my parents, wants a family of his own, caring...but I've just never had that burning passion towards him. He's such a great guy though so I've always pushed that to the back of my mind.
Last night I bumped into my ex on my way home who I hadn't seen before he was stationed away, we decided to go for a drink and a catch up and it was like he'd never gone - the instant click, the laughing, feeling so comfortable. I realised its because I feel so passionately about him that it takes everything to a new level.
That's just something I don't have with my current boyfriend. I don't find him that physically attractive, he's pretty small whilst historically I've always gone for muscular men (there's something about having a cuddle from a pair of strong arms that makes me melt), and I've just realised that, unfortunately I don't think love can exist without that passion behind it.
How can I tell him that I don't want to carry on dating without upsetting him? He's quite sensitive and I don't think he'll understand that it's not only about his looks. It's not so much that I'm not attracted to him, I just that I don't have passion in my heart.... I don't want to mention my ex because then he'll just compare himself and it's much more complex than that.
user
I'm not attracted to my boyfriend, how can I tell him that without hurting his self esteem?
assistant