I'm a 32 yr old husband and father of two girls, an 8 and 6 yr old. My wife has been very distant despite my strongest efforts for the bulk of our 10yr marriage. I would give massages, ask how her day went an express genuine interest because...well I loved her. She usually blew me off to take care of her interests. Sex was basically her lying there offering her body and nothing else.

Now. Years later I find I don't care. I'm detached and I feel very nothing beyond familial caring as she's the mother of my kids. She is not attractive to me at all anymore and frankly I don't even like spending time with her.

Imagine my surprise when I am introduced to someone casually through a friend who ends up clicking with me perfectly. We end up spending months together socializing (but that's it) and I've fallen in love with her. I know this is a form of cheating (but I have to believe still better than having sex with her, which I want to do but haven't).
So, here I am. I've told my wife I'm miserable and considering a separation. She's scrambling to try and completely change who she is, her interests, etc to accommodate me, but it feels like it's out of fear and not real. How do I ignore 10 years of evidence against this latest facade?

I want to separate, be there for my girls as much as I can, and make a try for real happiness with this person who after many many months of long discussions and mutual non-physical affection, seems perfect for me in so many ways my wife simply isn't.

So do I stay because it's what you're 'supposed' to do? Do I sacrifice my own life and joy for the sake of the girls? Or do I do what I think I need to do to be happy and do the best I can for them?

Stuck.
user
Loveless marriage...opportunity to leave and maybe be happy but I love my girls...
assistant
I'm a 32 yr old husband and father of two girls, an 8 and 6 yr old. My wife has been very distant despite my strongest efforts for the bulk of our 10yr marriage. I would give massages, ask how her day went an express genuine interest because...well I loved her. She usually blew me off to take care of her interests. Sex was basically her lying there offering her body and nothing else.

Now. Years later I find I don't care. I'm detached and I feel very nothing beyond familial caring as she's the mother of my kids. She is not attractive to me at all anymore and frankly I don't even like spending time with her.

Imagine my surprise when I am introduced to someone casually through a friend who ends up clicking with me perfectly. We end up spending months together socializing (but that's it) and I've fallen in love with her. I know this is a form of cheating (but I have to believe still better than having sex with her, which I want to do but haven't).
So, here I am. I've told my wife I'm miserable and considering a separation. She's scrambling to try and completely change who she is, her interests, etc to accommodate me, but it feels like it's out of fear and not real. How do I ignore 10 years of evidence against this latest facade?

I want to separate, be there for my girls as much as I can, and make a try for real happiness with this person who after many many months of long discussions and mutual non-physical affection, seems perfect for me in so many ways my wife simply isn't.

So do I stay because it's what you're 'supposed' to do? Do I sacrifice my own life and joy for the sake of the girls? Or do I do what I think I need to do to be happy and do the best I can for them?

Stuck.
user
I've been married to my wife for 10 years with no sexual relationship but lots of emotional ones. We have
assistant