I'm weird man. I'm withdrawn. I'm distant. I want to have normal relationships with my family. With my friends. But I just honestly don't want to put in the effort. I'm so fucking lonely but can't bother to let anyone know I care about them. My family think I hate them. I think my friends do too. But I really just don't understand how to fit into the system everyone else has going. Every time I try it feels like I'm just trying to jam a square peg through a round hole. 

I can't even deal with basic relationships so trying to start a romantic one is even worse. I'm so withdrawn that it's literally impossible. I'm already antisocial so meeting people is a rarity. But then if by some miracle that does happen, if I start feeling anything I get distant because I'm afraid of feeling anything. So they start questioning wether I even like them or not meanwhile I'm driving myself insane until I eventually dump it all on them all at once out of fucking nowhere and completely freak them out. Then they totally avoid me and i slip a little further into the hole I dig myself. 

I know all of this. I can recognize what I'm
doing and when I'm doing it yet I don't stop doing it. Does that make me a sociopath? I know how all of this is supposed to work but feel incapable of making it happen. Is there a way out of this? I'm scared.
user
I can't figure myself out or
assistant
I'm weird man. I'm withdrawn. I'm distant. I want to have normal relationships with my family. With my friends. But I just honestly don't want to put in the effort. I'm so fucking lonely but can't bother to let anyone know I care about them. My family think I hate them. I think my friends do too. But I really just don't understand how to fit into the system everyone else has going. Every time I try it feels like I'm just trying to jam a square peg through a round hole. 

I can't even deal with basic relationships so trying to start a romantic one is even worse. I'm so withdrawn that it's literally impossible. I'm already antisocial so meeting people is a rarity. But then if by some miracle that does happen, if I start feeling anything I get distant because I'm afraid of feeling anything. So they start questioning wether I even like them or not meanwhile I'm driving myself insane until I eventually dump it all on them all at once out of fucking nowhere and completely freak them out. Then they totally avoid me and i slip a little further into the hole I dig myself. 

I know all of this. I can recognize what I'm
doing and when I'm doing it yet I don't stop doing it. Does that make me a sociopath? I know how all of this is supposed to work but feel incapable of making it happen. Is there a way out of this? I'm scared.
user
I'm a huge arse and I'm
assistant