>

"I don't understand why people get so sad over not getting love from a stranger and they always take it so seriously when their crush rejects them..."
Because that is NOT love, anything with a stranger can be lust, desire, fantasy, or some other kinds of attachments. But before you really get to know this person, know his/her life, dreams, values and desires, before you both had countless deep conversations where you lose the track of time, before you both are sure you are compatible with each other, before you made a decision of committing to and supporting this person because you see much more value within this person than just kisses and sex, it's NOT love.
Imagine if you found this person and stayed beside each other for 10 years, knows every single thing about the body and soul of this person and still can't get enough of it, and then one day this person tells you he/she is leaving you for good.
It'll crush you.
Because that's love, and you should take it the most seriously.
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Specific instances of being let down can be crushing, but if that's all you ever experience that can be even worse.
Love/affection is a basic human need. It's on the same level as hunger on maslows hierarchy. Think about how much of society and media is oriented around people being together.
I don't think these people are taking love too seriously, I think they are badly adapted to what is actually required from them. >

Love and intimacy is two levels higher than food. Orgasms are on the same level as food though. Luckily we can do that by ourselves. >

Orgasms on the same level as food? I mean orgasms are cool and all but no one is dying from a lack of orgasms >


but no one is dying from a lack of orgasms

I mean, people rape and kill for an orgasm quite often. >

People don't rape and kill for an orgasm. An orgasm can easily be achieved without involving any other person at all.
Also, people kill each other for the dumbest reasons. If I kill my elderly sugardaddy so that I can inherit his giant mansion, that doesn't mean that giant mansions are a basic human need on the same level as food lmao >


An orgasm can easily be achieved without involving any other person at all.

By your logic, every time anybody has sex, they're doing it for the sole reason of procreation and nobody has sex for the orgasm because one can easily be achieved without involving any other person at all...and we know that isn't true. >

Yes, if sex was ONLY about the orgasm, people could indeed just jack off instead of going through the trouble of finding someone to have sex with. I really don't mean to offend but your sex life seems kinda bleak if you can't think of any potential reasons why people might wanna have sex with each other besides "orgasm" and "procreation" lol >

I never said that for every person that every time they had sex it was only for an orgasm. In saying you're wrong in that nobody  has sex only for an orgasm. Some people do have sex just to get off.
I also never made the argument that an orgasm is on the same basic needs as food. I only pointed out that yes, some people do kill to get an orgasm, which you flatly said doesn't happen. >

Okay, there is a number of thoughts here in the OP that all get muddled into one thing. 

I've never understood why people think it's the end of the world when they can't find love and they alway act like it's the number one human goal that everyone has to do.

There's biological drive to pair up with another sexually, emotional imperative to seek comfort and safety in another, and significant societal pressure to enter romantic relationships and achieve certain milestones to signify 'normal' development. These are significant pressures that act on everyone constantly. Unless someone is asexual/aromantic/brought up in a very non-comformist household. The effects of this is what you're seeing all around you.

I don't understand why people get so sad over not getting love from a stranger and they always take it so seriously when their crush rejects them and then later hate the person who rejected them like it's fucking Batman and Joker and I find it incredibly disgusting how they act like their crush is FORCED to date them.

What you're describing here is entitlement and emotional immaturity. As you grow up and so do the others around you, you'll hopefully encounter fewer and fewer people who act this way. An emotionally healthy adult will be able to handle rejection gracefully and move on from their crush if they do not reciprocate. Teenagers and young adults, however, don't typically have the skills to work on their own attachment issues and emotional reactivity. They may lash out at others and blame them for their pain.

When I ask this question I don't mean it in any rude way because I'm genuinely curious to why people want love so much, so I genuinely ask you and want you to change my mind.

Deep love is absolutely a transformative experience, in the most wonderful way. It's a state of being understood, valued, emotionally connected and energized by another human being. You get to have someone in your life whom you adore and value highly, and look forward to spending time with. Life is very challenging, the right person makes those challenges easier to overcome and learn from. For those reasons and more, there is nothing wrong with wanting love. Only something wrong with immature expressions of attachment, which is what you have accurately observed in your post. >

This response was absolutely amazing! It's very well put together and you've gaven me a great understanding of what I wanted to learn, perhaps I'm asexual/aromantic and I should be more open-minded when the people around me love someone.
Tysm! >

Glad it helped you OP!
To add one thing, in my above post I simplified for the sake of brevity. Please don't feel you have to label yourself as aromantic or asexual! Both those are very valid, and if it feels right for you to self-identify that way, then by all means go ahead. But also keep in mind that people's concept of love and romance tends to change and evolve throughout life, and there is a broad variety of valid ways to feel about and approach it. Staying open-minded is a great attitude imho. >

Humans are social beings, loneliness has detrimental effects on your physical health as well as mental health. >

yeah but a romantic relationship is only a small part of socialisation >

I’m not sure what kind of counter-argument you’re looking for here. 
Like I’ve never understood why people get so upset when they, say, find out they can’t have kids. But I’d never say they take having children way too seriously, we just want different things out of life. >

Honestly, from what I’ve heard even from people who don’t plan on having kids, learning you’re infertile can still be very jarring. Up until then it was entirely your choice, and you knew you had that option of changing your mind; now it’s being forced onto you >

I look at it the opposite way honestly. I don't want kids, reasonably sure I'll never change my mind on that, BUT I still just don't want to just go get a vasectomy because what if I end up regretting it (and some apprehension on someone fiddling with my balls, but that's another issue).
If on the other hand I was just told I am completely infertile, I'd be pretty happy with that, because then at least I wouldn't be regretting a choice I'd made. >

You guys sound like an amazing couple and I'm so happy for you guys.
I still desire love but am confused when my friends take it so seriously that they do and talk about things that disturb me.
You seem like a very nice person and I appreciate your answer 😊 >

In life, there will come times that you need to trust someone with absolutely everything without question, to make decisions that you will live (or die) with the consequences of.  More and more as you get older.
I'm sure you can find friends that are that close, but platonic friendships with that level of trust really just don't seem to last a lifetime.  What does is your relationship with your spouse (or significant other if you don't want to marry).
That makes it very valuable, especially as time passes, to have the right one.  Everything is easier with that. >

i very much disagree with your second paragraph. relationship may come and go but friends stay regardless >

Nah, they really don't.  Not in the way your partner does.  Friends have lives of their own, and while you may be an important part of their life, the decisions they make regarding their life rarely includes you. >

thats only if you and your partner never break up which is an unrealistic expectation to have. when your relationship ends theyll be gone but your friends wont >

It's not unrealistic if you choose carefully. 
Like I said, your friends have lives of their own.  Sure, you may still be friends, but you are not their top priority.  They may have taken a job in another state, have obligations that limit the amount of time they can devote to you, moved on to another set of friends, or have any number of problems of their own. >

If your other comments and posts are accurate, you're in high school. It's something you'll understand when you get older. Even ignoring all of the practical benefits of having a significant other, the prospect of being alone for the rest of your life will become a mental burden. >

I feel very much the same way about affection/love (from a romantic stand point, not from someone like friends or family) as OP. I don't want it or need it. In fact it gives me a feeling that I very much do not like when I think about it. 
Your comment about getting older and it becoming a mental burden is something I've been wrestling with lately because I am starting to get a little older (mid 30s). The thing is, it has nothing to do with love or affection. I don't want either of those things. The mental burden I have is that when I'm older I may not have anyone to take care of me. I don't have a wife, and therefore I do not have kids. I also don't have any brothers or sisters. In fact I would go so far as to say the source of some of my mental burden is that I may discover that one day I might have to do something I don't want to do (like accept the affection stuff) in order to not be alone for practical reasons when I am old. So while these things are an effect of not having a relationship, the way I feel about the affection bit remains unchanged. >

Please don't get a wife just to make her take care of you and be a comforting physical presence. That shortchanges this rhetorical woman from the true love and affection she deserves, and no one wants to be a bang maid or a slave. >

Well if anything it would be more of an arrangement. That would help with the affection thing I think too. Ideally she'll be young and hot and in exchange for helpin me til I kick the bucket she can have everything I've got, which is...well I'm not rich rich but I do pretty well. I think well enough to make it worth her while if she's open to the idea in the first place. >

I mean, I guess die fast and clean and leave her a LOOOOOT to make giving up part of her youth to a sad old dude, maybe don't make her bang you either cuz old man balls are nasty. All in all very unappealing. Apparently women are for taking care of men. This is their primary function. We reward them with material wealth because this is all women want, apparently. Ah yes, the bangmaid jizz vessel, it isn't really a person is it? 
Why not hire a guy instead? >

Why are you being so unreasonable? I am not capturing someone and forcing them into a life of indentured servitude. It's a deal being offered to a consenting adult who wants to take it. Ot might not be your thing and that's okay, but move the fuck on, because someone will happy with the exchange. >

Because what you’re suggesting has the very real possibility of trapping a young woman in a very uneven power dynamic, and it’s creepy. >

Yea I'd hate to trap a woman into a life of financial freedom at a young age. I'm probably a bad person for that. I'll be dead and she'll want for nothing. Reddit just likes to frame everything as negatively as possible. Like i said, no one is forced to agree to anything, but rest assured someone will want to take this deal. >


I'll be dead

She's not trapped when you're dead. That's the ultimate reward she'll be thinking about to cope with her trapped power dynamic as you're still alive.
You'll spend the rest of your life with someone who can't wait for you to die. Enjoy. >

It's important to some people because people get to choose what is important in life.  Just because you don't share their views doesn't make them wrong.  
Just like if someone makes it their goal to have the biggest lego collection they can get doesn't make them wrong.  It's their thing.  And that should be ok. >

I never said it was wrong, but I get what you mean and I respect that. >

Hey u/Sweet_Class. It sounds like you've personally gone through something that really shouldn't have happened to you. People are complex creatures and the one that propositioned you clearly didn't ground themself in reality. Hoping things get better for you.
As for the actual question. Why do people take love/relationships seriously? Outside of the biological imperative coded inside us to procreate, it's one part societal, one part personal.
People put importance on relationships because we seek security. If we find the person that is our partner for the long term, that frees up your mind-space. Imagine all the thoughts of loneliness or time spent on dates/dating apps/talking. Having someone to act as your pillar to lean on also adds a lot of QoL. That's not to say people will always be happily married for the long haul, but the hope is that long-term security.
Once a couple is happily married, you can tell both are significantly more content in life because that's just one less thing you need to do. It's the same as having a fully paid-off house, a permanent pension, etc. That security gives you the freedom to worry less and live more. Society pressures us to live a certain way and once we tick that off, we feel secure in our place in society as well. >

US department of defence spewing straight wisdom here. >

r/rimjobsteve >


I've never understood why people think it's the end of the world when they can't find love and they alway act like it's the number one human goal that everyone has to do.

That's because there is a biological drive which pushes us to desire this thing, generally. Obviously you know some people are aromantic/asexual and obviously they're not making the same noise about the issue. Have you never dreamt of something amazing happening and then had it taken away from you before it could ever be realised? That's the same feeling those people who react badly to being rejected are getting, and it's far from universal. Most people feel bad for a day or a few days maybe about being rejected, which seems pretty normal to me when a person finds out they're not going to get to participate in something they had set their hopes on. >

To be fair, when a dream falls short or is taken away like that, the next rational thing post-mourning is to evaluate why it fell short and work on yourself. I think OP is noticing a problem in that when it comes to love, people won't do that, but will become irrational and even hurt/insult/etc other people and shift the issue onto those who rejected them. 
I'm not arguing that love isn't important- but I do agree with OP that there's a flaw in the specific ways and amounts it's valued to. >

Love & affection are controlled by hormonal signaling, not rational thought. >

To a degree that's true.  Often times maintaining love and affection requires rational thought, as well as intentional, and meaningful effort.  For example
if we acted on every fleeting feeling of jealousy without rational thought, we would probably destroy every relationship we get into.
Some people also have a self-destructive talent for rationalizing their way out of pursuing their feelings. >

People really really really need to feel loved.
If you have absolutely no one, than getting at least one person to love you can mean everything, and you're going to jump through hoops to get there, and will be completely devastated if it doesn't happen.
However, it is rare that someone has absolutely no one who loves them. Most parents love their children, and most people have friends who can make them feel loved. and outside of that there's still teachers, family members, etc. who can provide a sense of security and trust.
If you personally have loving parents, supportive friends, and people in your life that care for you, being in a relationship is really not that big of a deal. You're still getting love, validation, care and support from other sources. And if you then look at someone chasing a relationship at all costs, it can seem crazy and way too serious.
But if that someone has absent or abusive parents, if they don't have friends they can fall back on, then feeling loved by someone can absolutely mean the world to them.
(just to be sure: this is not the all out answer to every person. Some people have a good 'support system' and still care a lot about relationships, and others may have very little 'support system' and still not care about relations all that much.) >

Well, there’s a lot of social pressure. 
Your parents will start complaining about grandchildren. 
Friends will slowly either be held away from or just lose the free time to spend with you as they head their own relationship. 
People are on average become more paranoid and defensive around singles than couples mostly due to their own insecurities about their standing relationship status or from awareness of their own impulsivity. So it’s harder to make friends unless you’re already taken which ironically makes it harder to get a relationship because being liked by others tells someone that you’re likable. 
Worst of all, some employers will start withholding promotions and bonuses unless you’re legally married, and that’s one of the few discriminations that’s both legally and socially acceptable. 
So it only makes sense that people who are single would be self conscious about it when everyone else is telling you it’s the best thing ever. Which sucks for a lot of us because it seems like anyone worth dating is already taken and all that’s left is drama-chasers, one-night-stands, and abusers. >

Tbh I agree with you & I’m in a relationship lol. I love my partner and I love the benefits of having a unique and close relationship with someone, but if I had to be single I’d enjoy that as well. The feeling of freedom you get from being alone hits different! I feel like a lot of people are afraid to be alone or don’t realize the love that surrounds them through friends/family/themselves >

Early in human evolution, people lived together closely relying on their groups and families to get what they needed. As with food, water, and shelter, the need to have others around to help protect, defend, and meet other needs, social structures were also considered instrumental to survival. Being cast out or rejected in that time period in many cases meant certain death. 
Because of this close relationship between social structures and survival, our brains are wired not only to seek out socialization, but also to react with fight or flight responses in the face of rejection (even if it doesn't make sense now). This is why people behave so irrationally and erratically in the face of loneliness and rejection. Just as if you heard a loud sound you cannot identity, rejection elicits a brain response that's not readily controlled or talked down out of. >

Is it "too seriously" if it's that person's ultimate goal? I think it depends on by whose standards you're talking about, and which should matter to that person. It's possible that over a longer time horizon it may seem over-the-top even to them when they're in a different frame of mind. But at best, you can convince them to consider different goals more worthwhile. If we say only they can choose their own goals, then they would rightfully take it as serious as they want. >

It's not the most healthy to have your ultimate goal be someone else wanting and loving you, though. I can see if your goal is a family or something, then a partner is included in that. But in that case, a casual rejection still doesn't justify a dramatic or cruel reaction, or one painting the rejecter as a villain in their story. 
Basing your ULTIMATE goal and therefore your self worth on being desire is going to damage in the long run, it's not like people can't have that goal- who am I to say? But on a base level people should have another goal and be able to be happy and love themselves, because love does not come everybody's way >

I'd like to separate a few things that seem to be conflated here.
First, I can agree that having many goals in life is worthwhile, where building your own self encompass many of them, while still having your most precious goal to be finding true love.
Second, you can untangle your sense of self-worth with your ability to attain a goal. For example, I can be really bad soccer even if I want to one day be a soccer player. Simultaneously I can believe that I (and all humans) are worthy of life and happiness.
Lastly, being emotionally invested in attaining said goals isn't necessarily bad either.
All that said, I can acknowledge that it's possible many people might tie self-worth to their relationships. Because the OP mentioned relatinships in the negative, I'd like to balance it by saying that working on your relationships and love is fulfilling and worthy of a goal that you should absolutely take seriously. Whether it's reasonable to react in certain manners is, I guess, also up for debate. >

I think those are very fair and true point! I guess I'm looking in the perspective of what OP described- people who have negative reactions so strong towards strangers or people they think owe them a relationship- that I was moreso commenting on the unhealthy form of your ultimate goal being true love what causes such insecurity and disproportionate reaction to rejection. >

Probably bc thats what our DNA drives us to do. >

Same reason people want food, money, sleep: it feels good. >

I'm 17 and have never genuinely felt these things about having relationships with a stranger. I'm not a sociopath or anything like that as I love my family so so much and would do anything for them.
I appreciate all answers thank you so much! >

I had honestly never been in love until my 20s.  I didn’t even see myself ever getting married.  And I didn’t see the point in dating someone just to avoid being alone.  Basically I never had a serious boyfriend until my husband and I started dating in my mid-20s because I wasn’t desperate and I didn’t want a boyfriend just to have one.  
At your age, some people are always in a relationship and that can be a little misleading because the benefits and commitment are completely different at that age.  At your age, most people aren’t in relationships based on the idea that they’ll be with that person forever and build a future with them.
Being married to a compatible and caring partner with joint goals is amazing.  I think being in a regular relationship (especially the kind people have in high school where they probably don’t plan to be together forever) is kind of overrated though.
I could have easily said the same thing as you at 17, and it would’ve been true, but I’m more than twice your age now so my perspective is different now and the point of relationships for people my age is usually different than it is for 17 year olds. >

People grant themselves approval through relationships. If you deem someone worthy, when they deem you worthy back, you're giving your approval to someone who returns it. The result is feeling validated and justified in who you are. I shortcut the circuit and just give myself my approval, no middleman. I have a 23 year marriage that's wonderful, but my source of self-validity comes from inside. Some people have kids because they're trying to get their self-approval through their kid, but it never works. >

I agree that people take dating and crushes too seriously, but an actual relationship is quite valuable. If your view is that a fulfilling long-term relationship is overvalued, then it's entirely conjecture until you've experienced one (or at least the experience of adult loneliness). >

I've experienced a few and they were good but I've never really felt love and when a breakup happens I wouldn't feel that sad and I only got into relationships because everyone else wanted to and I thought it was the "Cool" thing to do. >


fulfilling long-term relationship  
I've experienced a few

You're in high school. I'm being blunt, but teen relationships are a lot different.
I don't fault you for having a different scale of time, but I've been with my partner for probably a third of your lifetime and I'm not even 30. >

You make a good point, perhaps I should be more open-minded.
I appreciate the answers though tysm! >

Happy to answer. Did your view change at all? >

My current view now is that relationships as an adult are more meaningful and relationships as a young person is much different and sometimes forced upon you by society's expectations or whatever (idk if I used the right words or not)
I think long lasting relationships can work as an adult and should be taken more serious. >

I agree with that assessment. 
Is that a delta? :D >

!delta >

This delta has been rejected. You have already awarded /u/Arthesia a delta for this comment.
^Delta System Explained ^| ^Deltaboards >

It seems that way, but there’s a comparable number of people out there who don’t prioritize love and relationships. I personally have a ton of friends who are perfectly happy and do not seek validation through significant others whatsoever. >

oh i actually agree. a loving committed life long partnership does sound pretty sweet and i do put in some effort to get me one of them LTRs. 
but i have always deeply felt that i'd be perfectly happy without a wife. i can't relate to the folks who get depressed when they're single. >

I agree with you, but can I add that it's almost offensive? 
Because I'm 25 (M). Never had a girlfriend. Get all kinds of assumptions because of that ranging from people who think I'm an incel or gay, and everything in between. It's unfathomable to so many people that....I'm just not interested? I'm straight and have no bitterness towards women, I just don't want a girlfriend and like being single. >

Lol, saw almost the same comment on r/seducingwomen before >

I don't know what that is and I'm afraid to click it. >

Have you considered you might simply be aromantic or closer to aromanticism than the people you're talking to? >

That's probably the case, but I've never understood why they would say and do disturbing things just because they don't have a girl/boy friend. 
trying to keep them sane has been such a mentally draining thing. >

It's the same as someone who obsesses over any other desire. >

I honestly agree with this. Additionally I've never understood why people put so much time and energy into something that is inherently unpredictable and unstable. I find it's better to remain single and enjoy the tranquility of that. >

It isn't inherently unpredictable and unstable if you have the most basic skills and understanding of how to form a relationship with another person. >

Forming a relationship is easy. Maintaining one (specifically romantic, not referring to friendships) is far from easy. Humans are all unpredictable. When you add the emotional ups and downs that are present in all romantic relationships, you have an arrangement that is anything but stable. >

You're implying that all relationships are inherently unstable, or that there is no predictability in people, but that's simply not the case.  Things individuals do, or how they are as individuals, in relationships determine how stable, or unstable, the relationship will be.
Some individuals are consumed by bad habits, and by unconstructive beliefs, about their role in a relationship that would make it difficult for them personally to have any stability in any relationship.
Some people don't have to work too hard to maintain a loving relationship, and for others it is nearly an impossible feat. >

In my experience, people are predictable... until they are not. Granted this is just my experience. That's generally why I've stopped building anything outside of friendships.
However like with most things, our views are molded by our experiences. >

If people are unpredictable then it sounds unlikely you knew them as well as you thought you did. >

I dont need to change your view OP. Time and age will. >

I assume you mean I will feel lonely in the future. >

If you don't pursue human connection and relationships, you will be lonely.
If you don't try to pursue a long-term intimate relationship, the desire to seek intimacy will likely end up being a series of crises throughout your life, as your humanity is going to take over your focus from time to time.
Having a reliable, stable, partner is one of the things many people take for granted, but also something many people don't know what they're missing out on.  It makes life so much easier for both partners, to have somebody there. >

That is a loaded statement. You can believe that you are with the one. Than years later after being hurt and left you realize that it was an illusion. The main thing is to keep pushing. Relationships are nice but if you are okay with yourself everything will come out in the end. remember every dog has its day. Patients is a virtue.1 >

Some people really struggle with relationships these days.  Most people aren't raised, or live their lives maturely, like our ancestors did; who were well suited to maintaining long-lasting relationships.  A lot of people these days live pretty hedonostic lifestyles, relatively speaking, and that never bodes well for instilling confidence and trust in another person long term, nor does it build a sense of selflessness required to share the rest of your life with somebody else.  Oh well. >

I think is because people miss the feeling of being in love and being with someone you love. It's really the best feeling due to biological drive. Also they feel the need to validate themselves through their partners, which is unhealthy but very human >

Brain Chemistry. Love is the OG addiction. Dr. Helen Fisher talks about in in a bunch of her talks you can find online. It’s not unlike a heroine addiction. Her working theory is that drugs like heroine highjack the addictive process of live. >

I for one do not like having many friends, I'm not too social, but I do feel a need to have 1 constant person in my life who is my best friend, lover, and partner. So, I have a wife (we have 2 children). I would say that for me, my wife and children take 1st priority so anything I decide to do I keep them in the front of my mind. I derive alot of purpose from this relationship, I have a good job and make good money, but any sense of fulfillment from my career pales in comparison to the fulfillment I get from having a rock steady relationship with my family. >

Falling in love, or out of love, is offen some of the most emotionally impactful experiences most people will have in their lives.
Falling in love and having a family is often marks the most important events in a person's life by their own admission, even for those people who accomplish great things in their life from an outsiders perspective. >

Human beings have two different ways of feeling good about themselves.   
Some people are more internally motivated. Such people don't need the approval or acceptance of others to feel good about themselves. Some people are more externally motivated. Such people do need the approval and acceptance of others to feel good about themselves.   
Most all of us are on a continuum, needing some internal and some external validation.   
The more externally focused a person is, the greater their need for someone who accepts and approves of them. >

Finding my gf/partner was the best thing to ever happen to me. It can be a great thing. >

Humans define what matters and what does not matter in life. We are the ones living this life. If people are so worked up about it, wouldn’t that mean it must be really important? It’s such a universal complaint that people have, across continents, across time periods, across cultures….which is evidence that it is really damn important >

Romantic love is one of the strongest emotions and probably the one that gives the most happiness that human can feel. Of course you can live all through your life without ever experiencing it, but I would say that you have missed something what it is to be a human if you never feel it. 
Of course all this with an understanding that you can never force someone to love someone else. So, I don't disagree with your forcing someone to date you comment. Part of what I wrote above is actually contingent of the other person feeling the same. If not, you can still be in love, but it's not the same as the most important part of the happiness component of the feeling is that the other person loves you back. 
So, being in love and loved is definitely something I recommend everyone to try to get to feel at least once in a lifetime. If not, what exactly you want from your life? >

I don't know what are you on, but for me relationships, with your friends, family, love interests, are the reason to live. Sure, I have hobbies, I spend some time alone, I study hard, I workout, but the ultimate goal of all this are relationships made on the way. Feelings are complicated, I have crushed ton of girls in not so distant future, some of them don't even know that, some of them know and we have neutral, or good relations. It gave me a lot of suffering, but at the end they were just emotions in my head I had to feel, and then, let them go. For one of them I still could feel something, but I accepted the fact that she doesn't see me the same way, and that's okay. You cannot control the results of external world, but you can control your internal reaction. It takes time, but this is the way. >

I feel like this one is as easy as pointing out that different people have different needs. Some people don't need a lot of money, some people don't need a lot of social life, some people don't need a lot of love. >

Many people seem desperate for romantic relationships because they are absolutely starved of affection and good feelings in their life otherwise. 
When you’re young it’s not terribly important but as you age, it is arguably the single most important thing in your life. It’s the person you may be spending decades with, having children with, buying a home with, traveling with, etc
Imagine that you feel like you have the key to happiness and a fulfilling life in your possession, and you lose it. Worse yet, it’s not just gone, some other guy or girl has it. >


i've never understood why people think it's the end of the world when they can't find love

It's easier to judge from a position of access. For example a rich person will complain about the working class or the poor complaining about money. It's not that they're not wrong, it's the lack of empathy for people who aren't in their position.
​

it's the number one human goal everyone has to do

Given that 50 percent of life revolves around family and reproducing, it kind of is important. Spreading your family genes across generations is a pressurising expectation, and is only getting more difficult in this reality of dating.
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act like their crush FORCED them to date them

I don't think anyone is suggesting that. But you can't expect someone to stick around if they weren't interested or appreciated or being used as a doormat.
Dating is hard and frustrating, and can be extremely debilitating and tedious. Everyone wants to experience healthy relationships and experience intimacy and everyone has the right to desire it. >

My input isn't going to directly match why people see relationships as imperative, partly because I never did, in one sense, but I dated a lot, and later married. My wife and I have a unique bond of relating on a deep level, really getting each other, but it's not the romantic dream you see in Hollywood movies. I love being a parent much more, and that bond means more to me, but everyone would take it all in their own way.
Then it's a bit odd, because the final form and some positives I didn't experience earlier on, so that couldn't have been the goal. One might think a permanent pair bond status is what I wanted and acheived, the security, but I've never been certain I'll stay married forever. Probably but maybe not. So the experience of dating and being in different kinds of relationships can change over time, so reasons for valuing them also could. And drawbacks and tradeoffs too, unfortunately. Having kids can expand the experience of meaning, but that experience is hard to describe. Not having kids is fine too; it would just be normal for many people if they didn't. >

I haven’t seen it in the top comments, but for older folks having a partner has the potential to really improve your lifestyle in a practical sense. 
Dual income and sharing responsibilities gives you much more freedom and time. 
The easiest example is you both need a bed to share. You only need to buy the one set of sheets and the bed. All of that can be split. When it’s time to wash the sheets, you only have to wash the one set. Once it’s clean, folding a fitted sheet is easier with two people and so on. Two single people have to buy and do all this themselves. 
Another example is traveling. You ever try paying for lodging by yourself vs with other people? The list could go on. This isn’t “love” like you describe, but there’s a serious want for people to be in a relationship just for the lifestyle it can bring. >

Love has been and will continue to be one of the most (if not the most) important emotional connections a human being can or will ever have. Our mating drive may be more primal, but love has existed since society has and possibly before. Thousands of years of drive and I don’t see that going away. A romantic connection is the penultimate description of love outside of children, so yeah I’d say it’s a pretty serious topic. >

Not disagreeing, but I can surely foresee that money/capitalism is gonna take the spot. Think about it, ALMOST ENTIRE things that we do in our life revolves around money. We like to earn money, and more importantly spend money to get things/services/entertainment in return. 
Romantic love/relationship is the past. With the advent of tech and premiums online dating, we can just transition to strings of hookups and FWBs. This is takes way less energy, less time and less effort to maintain compared to being in a long term relationship with a single partner. >

Absolutely not true. Money, as we’ve seen from countless cases, is a means to an end. Sometimes that end is power, but almost always you see the rich old billionaire seeking love(even if it is pay to play). The rich and powerful cultivate families and can afford to spoil them, not because they love money but because they love those family members. I do see hookup culture being more and more prevalent, but it is almost always a young persons game, followed quickly by regret and settling down with a partner. Also, idk where you live, but where I’m from, going out and trying to hook up is insanely expensive(dates, drinks,food, ect). A family is an investment, often times both parties work and thus finances double. Romance isn’t going anywhere imo. >

Forging a relationship is definitely not an investment, its more like gambling, if you wanna compare it to an analogy.
If you're doing fine being single as your comfort zone, it doesn't make any sense to sacrifice your autonomy and freedom just for the sake of chasing the over-romanticized aspect of relationships that medias, books, movies have painted. Relationship takes effort, time, and sometimes you ended up with a wrong partner which would bring you to a loss in terms of gambling your life in a relationship.
Not saying relationship is bad per say, but many people are having this illusioned/misinformed opinion about having a relationship/romantic partner. It's work. It's tiring and exhausting, need to constantly think on what to show/hide from your partner. Etc... It's a liability especially the fact that marriage nowadays ended up with 50% divorce rate. 
I hope this archaic thing goes away. It doesn't serve any purpose in maintaining relationship with a single person. Having money to have 1 night stands, hookups is the way to go. No relationship, no drama. More power to the youth and younger men/women who learns about the ugly truth of needing to be in a relationship. >

Jesus, who hurt you? A solid relationship is definitely an investment. Having a partner for life to work, grow, and build a family with is something people don’t take seriously enough (hence the divorce rate). It’s really sad to see how folks like you have become so bitter towards building a loving partnership, because when done correctly, it really is the most rewarding thing one can do in life. Also your divorce rate is horseshit, as of 2022 it is 2.2 persons out of 1k. The highest divorce rate for a locality in the USA is 18%. Please don’t make shit up. >

Okay, well I would like to point out again(since you ignored it) that your statistic of a 50% divorce rate is false and the real rate is actually down to around 18%. 
Otherwise, I obviously cannot give you anything you haven’t already decided against. Sure, maybe my wife dies young, that sucks but now I have two wonderful kids that I can build a life for. Maybe I get sick, woe is me, I will get through it or I won’t. Maybe world war breaks out again, so what, shit happens. If you let the fear of negative events cloud your ability to appreciate the beauty in life then you will live a miserable, depressing, lonely existence and I feel bad for you. >


Okay, well I would like to point out again(since you ignored it) that your statistic of a 50% divorce rate is false and the real rate is actually down to around 18%.

What if I were to tell you that there are more unhappy partners who live miserably with their partners just for the sake of not divorcing? Some people rather live like that just to avoid the stigma of getting divorce, so that numbers mean jack shit in the end, no?
I'm happy that you're in a relationship and able to be a great dad to your kids and you're finding this whole journey fun. No, I'm not mocking you, I seriously praised you and wish nothing but more happiness and more growth along the way. But don't you see how lucky and privilege you are? You're just 1 of the outliers who has a good run - what about others who got hurt and are left off worse than when they were still single? 
Is it fair that a man who got into relationship turned angry/bitter because his partner cheated on him when someone who's better looking/richer came along? Same goes for women, who are better off being single, rather than falling in love with a potentially abusive and toxic men who are way more controlling/insecure? 
If you read back my comments from the earlier ones - all I did was to alert others more on how there's a downside to everything. Just like the analogy that I gave when it comes to tertiary education, its not a must to survive. Its just simply a pathway. You're having a good time in college doesn't mean the same will hold for others, same goes for relationship/finding love as well. 

If you let the fear of negative events cloud your ability to appreciate the beauty in life then you will live a miserable, depressing, lonely existence and I feel bad for you.

I don't feel bad actually. You see how there's more people commenting/lamenting on the issues of finding the right person, building the right relationship in other subreddits like r/relationships, r/dating_advice, r/relationship_advice? Those subreddits have way, WAY more of negative news rather than positive ones. Don't you see there are way WAY more people being sad and miserable in that regard? If only these same folks could just say screw it and forget about finding a relationship, the world would be a way more contented place to live. >

It really just sounds like you have had several bad experiences in love and I am sorry for that. I hope as time goes on you find the right person to help make you happy, but please don’t project this frustration towards the group at large. Plenty of people are living happy married lives, but they don’t come out to brag so you wouldn’t know. >


but please don’t project this frustration towards the group at large.

Alright, you got a point there.

I hope as time goes on you find the right person to help make you happy

Thanks but no thanks, I'm fucking done with it. >

Find love and then revisit this. >

I've been in a few relationships. >

I'm sure, but I didn't say find a relationship. You're young - when it happens you'll get it. I hate that that's the answer, but it seems to be the case. >


I've never understood why people think it's the end of the world when they can't find love and they alway act like it's the number one human goal that everyone has to do.

Because it feels great. 
I recommend giving it a try, and then giving it another try - which is the standard method I've found for when I don't understand something. >


they alway act like it's the number one human goal that everyone has to do

biologically, it kind is the number one human goal
reproducing is the number one goal of all species, that how were still around