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What kind of lens are you using? My partner has a similar face shape as what you described, and the best looking portraits I’ve taken of her have come from a Sony 85mm f/1.8 lens. It makes her face look so much better than say a 16mm f/1.4 wide angle lens. >

i’m mostly comparing professional photos like school pictures, wedding photography pictures (as a guest) etc taken by others with my crappy-but-much-more-flattering selfies taken from a foot in front of my face lol so i’m not sure of the exact aperture tbh. or even selfies taken far away and zoomed in vs zoomed out and close up >

I'm a professional photographer and I've been arguing this point with other photographers for years. Yes, wide lenses distort and exaggerate features... but for some faces (specifically plain and/or flat) that can be flattering, even though it's typically the opposite.