>

Exactly
It's an invasion of privacy ofcourse it's wrong, if you look through their private messages without their permission that's very very bad
They're called private messages for a reason >

For the beginning of any relationship, I agree. It is weird and presumptive to insert yourself into the conversations and relationship that your partner is having unless and until they invite you in.
That said, as someone who has been married to his partner for 8 years (and in this relationship for over a decade), it feels curious to me to think of a long term relationship in which there are forbidden conversations that your partner is having that you aren't allowed to hear. My wife and I pick up each other's phones all the time, mainly because we find the texts that we send and receive hilarious. There is nothing in there that we wouldn't say to each other's face, and if our friends want to say anything private to us they would do so in person or over a phone call. 
Obviously different people have different relationships that can be healthy, and maybe this is partially a generational thing as someone in their upper 30s, but it is personally hard for me to imagine a healthy decades-long relationship that I would be in where my partner wouldn't trust me to look through their phone for amusement. >

Yeah, I feel similarly, although I know some conversations should be "off-limits" e.g. because they deal with someone else's issues. So, for instance, my wife will tell me "please don't read X chat, because that's where Marie's venting about her issues" and I think we should respect not because our SOs' privacies, but other people's privacies. >

Upvote for unpopular. I feel that if you need to look through your partner's phone, it shows a level of insecurity and distrust that makes me question the relationship as a whole. >

Okay but what about the people that DO find shady shit? Nah man. Uncool. >

If you have enough suspicion to go snooping in the first place you should already have left that person, the actual evidence is redundant if you already don't trust them. >

Not always the case. But ok. >

Seems logical to me.  If you don't trust your partner to the point where you have to get visual confirmation they aren't cheating on you, how strong is your relationship really? >

So your partner comes home on a regular basis smelling of someone else’s cologne/perfume. They insist that it’s because their workplace culture is to give hugs and that must be the case. You grow suspicious when he/she starts pulling away from you emotionally. You ask about it and they say that it’s no big deal and trust they’re really stressed from work. 
You either: 1. Completely believe them without reservation or 2. you dump them since you no longer trust them.
The logical middle ground would be to do some basic snooping to see if there is any fire where one can smell smoke. >

"logical middle ground" my ass. How about the two of you start talking to each other💀
But nah who cares >

"snooping" literally implies wrong doing. If you are just looking at their phone with permission its not snooping lol >

Exactly! 
I had an ex who literally said “you can go through my phone whenever you want. Idc. I have nothing to hide.”
does that randomly and finds out he’s been cheating on several occasions
Him: I’m afraid when you even pick up my phone now because you’re always snooping.
No sir. It’s not snooping you gave me permission to do so. >

Why do you feel the need to invade your SO privacy? Your basically saying if you want to date me you have to be willing to give up your personal privacy..... thats borderline abusive.  Healthy people talk about and work out their insecurities.... they dont feed them by snooping into people phones to find out if theybare talking shit about you. >

Borderline? It just is. >

Personally I'd like to think my SO is smart enough to hide something effectively, on a phone, should they wish to. >

Married 25 years. It would take a whole bunch of suspicious behavior for me to snoop in any of my wife's personal belongings. >

In my opinion it is an invasion of privacy - snoop and you will find and if you’re not prepared to find something hurtful then don’t snoop!! >

In my opinion, this is a very unpopular opinion. Well done >

It seems to be a very prevalent opinion in zoomers, I don't know anyone older than that that thinks it's OK >

What is a zoomer? >

Gen Z >

Thanks! Yes I agree >

I think your logic doesn't add up. If logically it isn't wrong to snoop then you have every right to get mad at whatever you find. You're saying to go ahead and snoop but be prepared to get upset and not have any right to be. That implies that on some level it is wrong. >

You can find stuff but essentially if it isn't good it can't be held against the person? Is that what the OP means? >

No they're saying that it's fine to snoop because "that's how people find out others are cheating", essentially arguing that of you find something incriminating, then suddenly snooping is no longer a bad thing or taboo.
They're also saying that if you just find things that hurt your feelings but aren't actually a deal breaker, then you can't get upset because you shouldn't have been snooping.
These two things are mutually exclusive. You cannot have it both ways. >

If you feel the need to do this all the time that speaks to bigger relationship issues. Now if I ask to use a significant others phone for a minute for something and they freak out that's something different and a huge red flag. >

I find funny people who would just leave their relationship based on allegations and don't understand the need to get proof or they would stay in ignorance and keep being cheated on until the SO makes a blatant mistake.
Snoop I say, find out for yourself. If you find nothing then move on and never mention it, if you still have doubts then talk about it.
If you talk about it first they might hide the evidence even harder. >

But it is. If your SO has given you permission to get on their phone whenever, thats one thing. But for you to sneak into their phone when they are unknowing, thats wrong. >

It's an invasion of privacy.
Even if it's warranted, even if you don't find anything incriminating, that's still what it is.
And that's a bad thing.
And you're a bad person for justifying it. >

If you're so insecure and mistrustful that you need to look through someone's phone instead of talking to them about what your issues are then you don't deserve to be in a relationship. >

Or maybe they should be honest with you so that you don't have to snoop only to find out you were right. >

That someone is snooping doesn’t mean their partner was in any way dishonest. Either way, you don’t have to snoop, it’s your own choice and responsibility. >

Huh? If I'm pretty certain my girlfriend is cheating on me I'm going to ask her about it. When she denies it, I'm checking her phone. When I discover that my suspicions were correct I'm breaking up with her. Fuck her privacy. >

Unless you have terrible taste in women (which, to be fair, certainly sounds plausible), that should be “If I discover that my suspicions are correct…”
As it turns out, people being distrustful or suspicious of their partner doesn’t mean they were right, nor that they were justified in feeling that way. >

Its wrong because you are violating EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSONS PRIVACY that your SO talks with.  thats fucked up. >

If you don't trust your partner, just say it. >

My wife doesn’t have to “snoop” through my phone because she can use it whenever she needs to and has my password. I have hers as well. If she wants to go through it, she is going to get bored quickly. >

Yep. It’s what an actual healthy, loving, and trusting relationship looks like - the more they know and are in every part of it, the better it is. Life is so much happier when there is nothing to hide. >

there was a time with my ex when his phone started blowing up at three in the morning, he was acting weird and told me it was just one of his coworkers being drunk.. something didn’t sit right with me so the next day when i woke up, all i had to do was press the home button on his phone and saw his phone blown up by his female coworker talking about how much she wanted to fuck him again etc. i couldn’t look at him the same after that and completely blocked him afterward. awful feeling, but sometimes it’s needed in my opinion as well because who knows how much longer i would’ve stuck around with that bs if i didn’t have the feeling to look through his phone. >

Thank god this is such an unpopular opinion.
Sometimes I'm convinced that abandoning trust and communication in the name of nurturing insecurities is the new normal. Phew! >

Well take my upvote. I wholeheartedly disagree. Like to the point I will refuse to date anyone who wants to look at my phone. For literally any reason other than two or three very specific examples. It’s like a diary to me, completely private. If they suspected I was cheating, which I’d never do, they should talk to me about it. In that case, I’d insist they look at my phone to prove my innocence. Other than things like that, they’d never get access. >

It’s unethical, but informative, just like any type of spying. People like to throw around the word insecure, but if you know someone is lying to you and you want to find out the truth, it is the easiest way to do so. Everyone likes to pretend that they’re morally perfect on the internet; but life is much more comlex than that. Sometimes you might even need to gather evidence to prove fault in a divorce or for you own safety. Who wants to be oblivious and get blindsided in all their relationships? It seems unwise to me.