>

That’s such a weird view of romantic relationships to have. Human interactions in general are pretty complex and it’s virtually impossible to have two humans be so in sync that they never disagree on anything. A relationship is going to have disagreements and conflicts regardless of how well suited the people are for each other.
A relationship that needs no work is one where one of the two people involved is just not voicing their desires and concerns and is secretly unhappy. That’s no more healthy than one where you constantly need to work on keeping the relationship together.
Too much work is not good. No work is just a lie.
It's not that fighting (whether a screaming match or throwing punches) is unavoidable, it's that conflict is unavoidable. At some point you will have a difference of opinion with someone you're in a relationship with, and it will require compromise and patience from both sides of the relationship.
But that conflict doesn't have to turn into toxicity or violence as you're talking about, as long as you can talk about it together.
The conflict-resolution tool you have available is open and honest communication, and while a little white lie is fine now and then it won't help you solve relationship conflicts.
If one or both sides are unable or unwilling to have that kind of conversation, that's when the problems start. >

My wife and I don't fight or argue. >

Same here.
I was married once before. I won’t go into all the details, but it was not a healthy relationship. High conflict, high drama. Thing is, my temperament is conflict-avoidant, so I spent all of my time working to solve problems, so she’d finally be happy. Alas, these “problems” were purposefully crafted, to keep the supply of attention focused solely on her at all times. I was naive, so it took me awhile to figure it all out. It did not end well. She turned extremely aggressive (including physically), once I finally affirmed some boundaries.
I am married now, a second time. My wife and I get along beautifully. We share the same basic values. We generally agree on most things (and where we disagree, it’s small stuff, not worth a fight or anything). We never fight, we never argue, and there is never deceit or bullshit. Ever. It’s not that we “work” to never argue, it just never happens. Neither one of us is controlling, and we can both do whatever the fuck we want. What we want, is to simply be kind, and not have stupid drama in our lives. It’s wonderful.
I don’t believe relationships need to be “work.” You just need to be in a relationship with the right person. Then it’s literally no work at all.
If you find you have to “work” on your relationship, then, it’s not a good relationship. Probably because one or both parties are narcissists. >


If you find you have to “work” on your relationship, then, it’s not a good relationship.

This is fucking hilarious. I bet if I spoke with your first wife I'd hear a much different story than what you gave. If you truly believe what you said then you can expect a similar ending to your second marriage.