>

How about, except in cases of abuse or adultery, divorce is not an option for a period of 3 years.  I mean a no-fault divorce.
Might make people think more seriously about entering into the marriage.
What's absurd is spending thousands on that shit. How many of these did you go to and how much did they each cost? >

Depends on the culture really. In my hometown (northern China), depends on the relationship it ranges from few hundreds RMB to upper thousands. Like if my older cousin (male) on my dad side got married, my dad probably would give somewhere around 10-20k as a gift. When his coworker’s daughter got married I think he gave 5k. Though there are no wedding registry and the food is usually pretty good. Guests can take the leftover home if they want to. Also the reception is usually huge since everyone is invited based on both the parents’ and the couples’ relationships (like my dad got invited to his coworker’s daughter’s wedding whom he had only saw a couple of times. I happened to be home so I got to tag along. I have never seen the bride before the wedding lol). >

Rather than pay everyone back i think it should be considered socially acceptable not to turn up to the next wedding or financially support it in any way. >

How about don't go to the first one >

Already doing that for my cousin lmfao >

The last thing any couple needs is to be discouraged from leaving a relationship that isn’t good for them over needing to pay back their wedding guests for their wedding gifts. >

Divorces can be expensive so they most likely won’t be able to pay everyone back >

True, I've got a friend who's going through it and he's on water and bread now. Worst is when they actually don't want to sign the papers, I just thought it was a "movie-thing" but it actually happens! >

you're not investing into their marriage tho so what difference does it make if they're together 10 months or 10 years? not like you get anything out of it either way. >

If the money is such an issue for you, maybe you shouldn't be spending that much >

Yeah, as you said, it does sound absurd.
If I've spend so much money on someone that must mean I care for them. I think dealing with all the divorce stuff and heartbreak is enough on someone's plate without them worrying about paying people back.
If you'll miss the money just don't spend it on them in the first place, I guess. >

Op sounds like a horrible friend >

Don’t give gifts if you think you want them back. 

gift
noun
2
: something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation >

Don’t spend the money then. It’s not a gift if it comes with “conditions” like this. >

Yeah cause every couple just has the money to reimburse everyone’s travel, accommodation, and other expenses.
Just don’t go to a wedding if you think they may break up within a year. >


Yeah cause every couple just has the money to reimburse everyone’s travel, accommodation, and other expenses.
Just don’t go to a wedding if you think they may break up within a year.

100% agreed, but just be aware it can cost you friendships. I'd argue my best friend and I are largely done because I skipped his wedding because he was marrying someone he barely knew on the rebound of a bad break up. I got a lot of shit from his family, months before the wedding, for saying that it was a bad idea and that it wouldn't work. 
They're now filing for divorce about two years after the wedding. 10 months after the wedding, he went to prison on a probation hold because she invited a meth dealer to temporarily live there, not disclosing that he was a dealer to my friend, even though "running a drug house" is a crime that the primary owner/lease holder can be charged with while all other residents are hit with PTAC charges, often by rural counties as a method to get people to turn on each other while being pushed plea bargains to end the nightmares. 
That drug dealer friend got their place raided while my friend was several hours away, working a new job that would have made enough to support them and his soon to be ex's daughter. >

Sure I don’t doubt that there are times and instances where you might not support your friend having a certain partner and refusing to go to a wedding because of that is valid. But that’s not really what OP is talking about.
More generally, too, I’d say you don’t have to like gfs partner to be supportive of them or the relationship. I didn’t think my friend should have married the guy. But I supported her and her choice. My role wasn’t and isn’t to police my friends’ relationships. It’s to be a good, supportive friend through it all. 
So I’ll give me opinion when appropriate and when asked. But when it comes to going to weddings, it’s just about whether I support my friend, not necessarily their relationship. If I can’t say yes to that, then I don’t go. If my friend gets upset or is hurt by that, then that’s just their issue. Of course it sucks if that costs the friendship, but at the same time, I doubt I have friends who would be so offended. >

I think that it is at the couples' discretion. If they ended due to issues they already knew they had then it would be the polite thing to do to give back gifts and pay back any extras they pushed upon guests. However, if they broke up because of unforeseen situations (e.g. one person was cheated on) then I think it would be unfair for the unsuspecting party to be forced to try and scrape together money to pay back guests. 
I think, at the end of the day it is on you as a guest. If you can't afford to go to the wedding, then don't. If you don't think the couple will last and you don't want to spend money on their big day then don't go. It doesn't need to be a drama - just make an excuse. 
Also, aside from a gift (usually price point at the discretion of the guest) and perhaps a new outfit (if the guest wants to get one) then I am not sure what else the guest is forced to spend on unless they are part of the wedding party itself. If someone is inviting you to a wedding as a guest and expecting you to spend a lot of money on many aspects then that's pretty entitled of the couple to expect that. >

Like 90% of the people I know who got divorced, I found out at least a year after they got divorced. Unless you're their immediate family, no one (generally) goes around announcing their divorce. So what would be the point of such a rule/norm anyway? >

Do you also ask your ex to return you back gifts and expenses if the relationship is less than 365 days? >

Don’t go to weddings you don’t want to be at. Just RSVP no. 
You’re not entitled to a refund. You paid to go to a wedding. You went to a wedding. Obligation fulfilled. 
If you didn’t want to be there, say no. >

It’s more just funny to me. Like you guys couldn’t even fake it for a couple years after you realize how strange it would look. Also the money they put toward it all gone. Then again who knows >

Let’s normalize not expecting money, gifts and making the bridesmaids pay for their own goddamn dress in a wedding. If you can’t afford a huge luxurious wedding, don’t do it. It takes empathy to realize that not all guests are well off enough to pay for so much stuff. It also takes a specific character to realize that a big wedding doesn’t make your marriage last longer, and your feelings go deeper. Weddings became such a scam industry I’m literally crying. >

That's an interesting opinion. I never thought about it, and I like it. I agree. >

Disagree, circumstances are much more nuanced then that. What if there’s cheating or abuse involved? I think their minds are preoccupied with a hopeless marriage and rightfully so. And also sometimes weddings regardless of whether the marriage is successful, is a means of family bonding or creating memories >


More than once in my life I’ve spent thousands on dresses, showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, wedding gifts, the list goes on and they ended up divorcing months later.

Then you need re-evaluate your friends... >

My grandmother would give the couple 2 years. If they split before that she would ask for, and expect, her gift to be returned. >

Unpopular opinion: people shouldn’t be financially involved in other people’s relationships. It’s so weird to me how it’s expected that others help fund your wedding or married life >

I’m going to have to disagree, they are gifts for them to do with as they please. It sucks, but they aren’t obligated to reimburse you if their marriage fails. >

This opinion cant be that unpopular, because I agree 100%
Now to be fair,  I think all marriages should have a 1 year qualifier where either party can cut and run no harm, no foul....but wedding gifts are given under the expectation that you are going to stay married and should be returned.