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I think occassional fights or disagreements are understandable. My wife and I generally don't argue for months on end, but there will be one little thing here or there that fires us up, but then it's over in like 5 minutes and we move on.  But multiple arguments a week, especially big ones? Seems insufferable.
My wife's sister fights so much with everyone that it's normal to her. She implied, a year or two after my wife and I started dating, that it was a HUGE red flag that we never fought over anything or had screaming matches, and that we were headed for a major disaster. We've been together for 12 years and no disaster yet.
Some people are just so belligerent and disagreeable that fighting has become their way of life. It's their answer to everything and it is omnipresent, so they convince themselves that, clearly, it must be necessary, and perhaps even a good thing.
Human beings are fucking broken, hardcore.
It's not that fighting (whether a screaming match or throwing punches) is unavoidable, it's that conflict is unavoidable. At some point you will have a difference of opinion with someone you're in a relationship with, and it will require compromise and patience from both sides of the relationship.
But that conflict doesn't have to turn into toxicity or violence as you're talking about, as long as you can talk about it together.
The conflict-resolution tool you have available is open and honest communication, and while a little white lie is fine now and then it won't help you solve relationship conflicts.
If one or both sides are unable or unwilling to have that kind of conversation, that's when the problems start. >

My wife and I don't fight or argue. >

Same here.
I was married once before. I won’t go into all the details, but it was not a healthy relationship. High conflict, high drama. Thing is, my temperament is conflict-avoidant, so I spent all of my time working to solve problems, so she’d finally be happy. Alas, these “problems” were purposefully crafted, to keep the supply of attention focused solely on her at all times. I was naive, so it took me awhile to figure it all out. It did not end well. She turned extremely aggressive (including physically), once I finally affirmed some boundaries.
I am married now, a second time. My wife and I get along beautifully. We share the same basic values. We generally agree on most things (and where we disagree, it’s small stuff, not worth a fight or anything). We never fight, we never argue, and there is never deceit or bullshit. Ever. It’s not that we “work” to never argue, it just never happens. Neither one of us is controlling, and we can both do whatever the fuck we want. What we want, is to simply be kind, and not have stupid drama in our lives. It’s wonderful.
I don’t believe relationships need to be “work.” You just need to be in a relationship with the right person. Then it’s literally no work at all.
If you find you have to “work” on your relationship, then, it’s not a good relationship. Probably because one or both parties are narcissists. >


If you find you have to “work” on your relationship, then, it’s not a good relationship.

This is fucking hilarious. I bet if I spoke with your first wife I'd hear a much different story than what you gave. If you truly believe what you said then you can expect a similar ending to your second marriage. >

That’s such a weird view of romantic relationships to have. Human interactions in general are pretty complex and it’s virtually impossible to have two humans be so in sync that they never disagree on anything. A relationship is going to have disagreements and conflicts regardless of how well suited the people are for each other.
A relationship that needs no work is one where one of the two people involved is just not voicing their desires and concerns and is secretly unhappy. That’s no more healthy than one where you constantly need to work on keeping the relationship together.
Too much work is not good. No work is just a lie. >

This comment is so, so true. The people saying they never disagree are either not communicating or one partner has serious conflict avoidance issues and just goes along with whatever the other person wants. >

If they agree on the important issues, what else is there to fight about though? Some people are really not particular about a lot of small stuff. As long as they are in sync with the  important things and both are good roommates ie they're easy to live with. >

I'm not going to recap everything I just said and I've said elsewhere.
There's plenty of other issues that will come up. Oh, you agree on having kids? Cool, now have one and tell me you'll never disagree on anything to do with them ever. It's simply impossible. >

You will disagree about things for sure, but I was talking about fights in this comment. Why do disagreements have to turn into fights? Fighting is not the only way to resolve a disagreement >


the people that are saying they never disagree

This is the comment you're responding to.