Writing critique request: Upgrading your DNA is like upgrading software on your computer Continuing from parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7:


  我们不知道谁在互联网上泄露了这个发明，但是以后，几乎每个电子公司开始提供廉价的适配器。有的人认为免费开源（FOSS）社区发挥了作用。如果拥有电脑，像把软件更新一样，现在你可以在网上更新自己的DNA。
  
  社会的态度完全改变了：起初，没人想要编辑自己的DNA，但很快发现了“DNA优化人”有许多巨大的竞争优势。如果你不愿意维护最新自己的DNA，就找不到工作、做什么事都比别人慢、交恋人也很难等。总之，人们不得不接受大家需要一直安装更新，否则不会成功。


Please critique my writing. New words for me are in links. I'm at the early stages of HSK5-level Chinese. The narrative is from a person in the present (Zhou Ziwang 周子望) with an unusual past.

Comments:


The 适配器 refers to a (fictional) device installable in a human body which allows you to edit your DNA via a computer [like in The Matrix, but for editing DNA].  I'm not sure if 适配器 is the best term here.
更新 is new for me, and I'm not completely comfortable with it; it might not even be the right word.

  有的人认为免费开源（FOSS）社区发挥了作用。
  Some people believe [the] free-and-open-source community played a role.


I'm worried about this: in this idiomatic expression, the Chinese seems too similar to the English.
I'm not sure if 很难等 would be mistaken for "difficult to wait" rather than "difficult, and so on".


I hope it's not too bad; I'm blind to any mistakes here.
我们不知道谁在互联网上泄露了这个发明，**但是以后， **几乎每个电子公司开始提供廉价的适配器。


但是以后: But later on (xxxxx), you don't need a comma between.



  我们不知道谁在互联网上泄露了这个发明，但是以后几乎每个电子公司开始提供廉价的适配器。


有的人认为免费开源（FOSS）社区发挥了作用。

有的人: some of the people, usually you are referring to a group of people you have mentioned before but you didn't here, use 有人 instead

有人: someone


  有人认为免费开源（FOSS）社区发挥了作用。


如果拥有电脑，像把软件更新一样，现在你可以在网上更新自己的DNA。


  就像电脑软件更新，现在你可以在网上更新自己的DNA。


社会的态度完全改变了：

社会的态度 : the attitude of society

社会态度 : the society's attitude


  社会态度完全改变了：


起初没人想要编辑自己的DNA，但很快发现了“DNA优化人”有许多巨大的竞争优势。

想要: apply to objects, e.g. 我想要你 (I want to have you)

想: apply to actions, e.g.  我想你 (I want you/ I miss you)


  起初没人想编辑自己的DNA，但很快发现了“DNA优化人”有许多巨大的竞争优势。


如果你不愿意维护最新自己的DNA，就找不到工作、做什么事都比别人慢、交恋人也很难等。

维护: means repair/fix use 维持 instead 

维持: maintain

很难等: if you need to list out examples, you need to provide the category of your examples, like 困扰 (worries).

就会有.....等困扰: you will have worries such as ....


  如果你不愿意维持最新自己的DNA，就会有找不到工作、做什么事都比别人慢、交恋人也很难等困扰。


总之，人们不得不接受大家需要一直安装更新，否则不会成功。

安装更新: install updates ,更新 can be use as a verb already, you can just say 更新DNA: update DNA

不会成功: you are missing the subject of this bit, what kind of things won't work/succeed?


  总之，人们不得不接受大家需要一直更新DNA，否则生活不会成功。