Do I Belong to Christianity? I've recently started doing bible study with a good friend (a devoted Christian). I started at first out of curiosity about what Christianity really is about. However, as the study went on (half way through Luke, beginning of Romans, and bits and pits elsewhere), I started having more and more questions despite some of my initial questions being answered.

A bit of background about myself: I grew up learning religion is often not a good thing. All my close family members are atheists or just in general don't care much about religion. I would consider myself an atheist, but my friend said I'm agnostic.

I knew very little about Christianity (Jesus and Heaven that's all...) before I started bible study. Now I know a little bit more but of course still very far away from the full picture. However, I'm already filled with so many questions that it's almost painful to go about with my daily life without having them answered. (My friend has done a great job in answering a lot of my questions such as what is trinity, what is heaven, how Jesus has paid for our sins, difference between faith and religion, etc. But even he doesn't have the answers to all my questions...)

In general, I've so far come to really enjoy reading the bible. I've come to really like Jesus as a person (living a life like Jesus's is very admirable in any era). Emotionally, I agree with a lot of what Jesus said. But I can't bring myself to really follow his teaching. There is a part of me that really wants to become a Christian, but I feel like I have no right to be one if I can't (not willing to) even follow what Jesus commands.

Jesus has said to love my enemies and give them all I have. I agree with this, emotionally. Vengeance will only lead to more harm. However, if you really follow this and do not stand up to the evil people who harm you, won't that just give them even more chance to take advantage of you? It's indeed noble that you will do what the evil people won't do (love the enemies). And I really wish I had the courage, determination, and faith to follow it. But as of now, I really cannot bring myself to it.

I've always been taught that one should never do another harm, but in the case of being harmed by another, one should strike back as hard as possible. While I've never really fully agreed with this view, I do take a similar stance: never harm, but if harmed, always seek for justice. Not that I believe this is the right thing to do, but simply the most practical thing to do. I'm really afraid to put myself fully in God and follow Jesus's teaching. I'm afraid others will take advantage of me. Perhaps, I'm just selfish.

Jesus also said not to judge others for only the God can judge us at the end of the time. How should I approach this saying? I agree that none of us is perfect, and very often we accuse others of faults without knowing the full picture. However, does that mean we should never judge others? What if a person commits crimes? Do we condemn him or do we withhold our judgment? What if this person had down great injustice to my family or myself?

I admire the way Jesus lived and wish I had the courage, determination, and faith to follow his teaching. I want to believe in God and I want to believe in Jesus. But as of now, I can't bring myself to. I wonder if my atheist view is simply too deeply rooted in me. Is Christianity really for me?

Any help/guidance is appreciated.

Thanks in advance,
Christianity is for everyone. 

Your question is more like a "Pastoral Advice" which is less welcomed here. However, let me try to sum up about Christianity, which I think, is what you need.


God's perfect creation: God created man perfectly along with woman (see Genesis 1:27). Everything was fine. No death*, no suffering and no sin.
The fall of man: Satan the deceiver came to the woman and deceived her to disobey God, the man also followed (see Genesis 3). This results in separation of God and man. Man belongs to Satan now. Man is now a sinner by nature and cannot change by himself. 
The redemption plan: Then God made a plan to redeem man and his inheritance from the slavery of Satan and sin. God selected a people called Israel and instituted them of the Laws of God and the requirements to purge sins from man. Animal blood was required to receive forgiveness of sins from God. (see Leviticus 4)  Old Testament sacrificial laws are the shadows of the things to come, which is the New Testament. 
Jesus Christ paid the penalty: The redemption plan was completed successfully by Jesus Christ, the Son of God. He paid the price for our sins by pouring out His own blood as a sacrifice to God for the forgiveness of sins. He died on the cross but was resurrected on the third day.
Salvation through Jesus Christ: Now, by believing in the death and resurrection of Jesus, and by following his commands, God forgives our sins and we become the children of God. We no longer need to try to achieve holiness and perfection. We simply rely on the Holy Spirit to guide us. God no longer demands your perfection but your faith alone.


  John 3:16 (NIV) For God so loved the
  world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him
  shall not perish but have eternal life.
  
  If you are ready to believe this and receive Jesus Christ in your heart by prayer, you become a Christian! It's simpler than you think but it takes time, of course. It is also important to join any Christian congregation which will help you to grow in your faith.


May God bless you.

*Different Christian groups interpret this differently, some believing literally that nothing (including animals) died prior to the fall of mankind. Other groups say the death mentioned in Genesis was strictly a spritual death (separation of man from God). And there are a number of interpretations that fall somewhere between.