text:
Is the path of Zen compatible with computer science?
For example, software/code/algorithms themselves can be very complex, dense, cryptic (often without value), overly detailed, stressful to understand intent (sometimes), generation of new abstractions that generate new problems... and requires more cognitive strain for advanced theory and implementations.
Zen type practices seem very opposite - simplicity, clarity, open space, non-judging, non-solving, higher non-thinking intelligence, beauty, expansiveness, ease, flow and lightness of mind/thought.
Does computer science really fit on this path...or are we trying to shove it in based on others expectations and financial wealth?
(Then of course the physical environments and people environments that tend to correlate with each).

Yes computer is dumb just like zen

After user16788's answer answer about Zen rock gardens, the answers to topics like these might be relevant to your question :

Modern vs traditional Zen
What is the link between calligraphy and Zen?

In Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (whose preface says it should "in no way be associated with that great body of factual information relating to orthodox Zen
Buddhist practice" ), the author who according to the story had been a technical writer says:

"What I wanted to say," I finally get in, "is that I’ve a set of instructions at home which open up great realms for the improvement of
  technical writing. They begin, ‘Assembly of Japanese bicycle require great peace of mind.’"

That's similar to developing software -- I find it can be done only with peace of mind, concentration without distraction -- there might even be "unity" described in the topics on calligraphy, e.g. software runs correctly on the computer if it previously ran correctly in the mind.
A long while ago I read this about writing code ...

'Experts' write code that computers can understand -- 'gurus' write code that people can understand.

... so you try to write code that people (fellow-programmers) can understand -- with clear design, comments, and so on.
Learning new stuff can be stressful though, I guess. I try to learn enough to do what I need to do.

Also, ethics -- avoid lying, keep your promises, don't hide things from your team, etc. -- e.g. "cryptic" doesn't sound ideal, it sounds like either that's not well- and carefully-written  and -explained (to be understood by other people), or it's obfuscated (which I think is generally unethical, i.e. if it's code which you're supposed to be reading then the author shouldn't have tried to obfuscate it).
Conversely the other properties you mentioned -- i.e. "simplicity, clarity, open space, non-judging, non-solving, higher non-thinking intelligence, beauty, expansiveness, ease, flow and lightness of mind/thought" -- all seem to me to be more-or-less what well-written or well-understood software is like.

this is true, it does require a certain state of mind and body. I guess I am trying to still find this mythical well-written software base but never too late to change it...

As an experienced software developer I fully agree with this comment. Software development, when practiced correctly, is much closer to Zen than it may look like at the first sight.

Look at a Zen rock garden and look at well crafted code and then tell me the two aren't compatible.

On the theoretical side of computer science, there is clear correspondence between the idea put forward by the Incompleteness Theorems and that of kōans, Śūnyatā, etc. in Zen Buddhism. The main concept being that there exist inherent contradictions in all formal systems, and yet we can "overcome" these by stepping outside of that system; in Zen terms, by Non-Thinking. These sorts of things are written about in books by Hofstadter (Godel, Escher, Bach), and Raymond Smullyan (The Tao is Silent, Forever Undecided).


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Analysis and Compassion
I understand that compassion meditation uses in great part feeling and the generation of affect. I wonder: Are there aspects of compassion only accessible through meditating on compassion analytically?
Thank you

Metta is to be friendly. If one is friendly to people without discrimination them you are developing compassion. This element does not need meditation but meditation can also be used to develop it.
What Metta meditation tries to do is to:

adjust one's perception, thoughts and views so one does not discriminate against a class of beings or particular beings - one may be classified living being as: me, friendly, indifferent, foes or any other classification and draw boundaries and identify certain attributes one favours or disfavors. Metta breaks the discrimination due to classification, attributes or groupings so one can be friendly to any being.
develop friendly thoughts

source: Stack Exchange

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Strong tingling sensation in face that persists +- hour after meditation
I've been meditating for about 8 years.
Recently I did a second vipassana 10 day silent retreat.
A few days in, when focussing on my face, my face got highly sensitive, and a strong tingling was felt in it. This feeling intensified when focusing more on the areas where I would place my attention. Even focusing on parts of the neck and throat would have the same effect on the face.
The sensations would last after meditation and subside after about an hour or so. My teacher assured me that it happens more often, and I should probably not focus too much on my face.
I'm slightly worried about it still, and decided to fully avoid the face area for now, and take it easy meditating altogether.
I was wondering if others had similar experiences, alternative interpretations, and other ways to work with it.
Thank you!

As you progress in meditation you will start feeling sensations in different parts of your body. At some point, you will feel sensations thought out the body.
There is nothing to get alarmed. Also, do not get attached to it. Simply continue your meditation.
Do not avoid any areas and also do not stay long in any area than others.

What you experienced is perfectly common.  What's really going to blow your mind, however, is that the sensation you were feeling is probably always there.  You are only experiencing at the forefront of consciousness because your mind is more relaxed and open during and just after a meditation session.  What you are experiencing is really the meat and potatoes of Buddhist meditation practice.  Our normal, day to day consciousness is utterly  incapable of perceiving the vast majority of what constitutes reality.  We go along, blissfully unaware, of all sorts of subtle details.  When we sit, however, our mind begins to open to a very different subset of phenomenon.  In the context of Buddhist practice, obviously we want use that bright, open, malleable, and unblemished mind (to paraphrase the Buddha) for the purposes of direct insight into the four noble truths, the destruction of the cankers, etc. as this kind of insight is unavailable to our mundane consciousness.  That's the ideal, anyway.  As we go along in our practice, however, that same luminous mind can also shine its beacon into other dark corners of reality.  These are of less benefit, spiritually speaking.  They can also be distracting or come to represent some fairly massive obstacles (e.g. in the form of attachment to non-ordinary experience).  It's generally best to just let them go.  They're just going to get in the way.

Few days back, I was walking alongside Ganges river, suddenly I saw a policeman sitting on the top of an official and big elephant. I saw that elephant was reacting to a man as the man didn't get aside of his path and upon seeing this even the policeman started scolding/abusing him.
Soon within a minute, that elephant came nearby me and I was also walking aside in reverse direction. Heart started pondering. But soon I realized that I am not here to fight with policeman and/or elephant, so I got more aside and simply observe them as passing-by.
Moral of the story:: you don't have to react. Let it pass-by. Reaction or even thinking/intentions about reaction is gonna give you trouble like with that other man alongside Ganges.

I feel the same before before. Can try some physical exercise that suitable to you? Just my 2 cents as below.
Well, I am used to have intensive sport exercise like HIIT (High Intensitity Interval Training) which I believe most effective way to temporary distract u from unwanted mind thought and release endolphin (a chemical inside your body to make you feel good) then heavy tingling gone, BP normal and sleep normal. This is not for everyone as I have been lingering around at Gym for years and need a lot of training for HIIT. Since listen to Buddhism talk then I reduce my HIIT training gradually for stress management. HIIT effects only last for 48 hours provided optimal HIIT training.
If u would like to try physical exercise then suggest to seek for a gym personal trainer consultant or u may ask the gym instructor for some advice that suitable for u.
When things get normal then can try metidate again. At set of home use BP device and heart rate smart watch help a lot too. Optimal BP and heart rate reading should not have this issue for me.

Talk to the atoms involved in your problem. Ask what you want. Your meditation exercises shall give you the power to be in control

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Meditation for Work Anxiety
I started a new job, and when I get anxious my cognition turns to pure incoherence. I second-guess everything, doubt, double-check unnecessarily, make more errors, etc.
What is the best type of meditation to deal with such anxiety-related problems?

If the anxiety is light yet bothersome, gentle restrain anxiety by relinquishing attachment to outcome:

This is not mine, I am not this, this is not my self. MN62

If the anxiety is heavier and a bit overwhelming, a firm restraint can be achieved by slowing the breath--rapid breathing promotes anxiety. Regular practice of mindfulness of breathing helps.

When mindfulness of breathing is developed and cultivated it’s very fruitful and beneficial. MN62

Generally, the more you practice the Noble Eight-Fold Path, the more equanimity emerges with the fading away of attachments to identity view. However, that practice and its fruition are gradual. For the longer term, precepts can be enormously helpful.

A mendicant might wish: ‘May I prevail over fear and dread, and may fear and dread not prevail over me. May I live having mastered fear and dread whenever they arise.’ So let them fulfill their precepts … AN10.71

Also consult with your doctor for additional recommendations. Some anxiety disorders can be quite crippling and medical assistance can be of great benefit.

There are 2 main types of meditation:

Samatha
Vipassanā

Samantha increases concentration. If you have concentration problems which lead to mistakes then this will help.
Vipassana meditation can help with stress and anxiety at work.

I guess the way I try to deal with it is

Ethics e.g. being careful about what I say, not promising what I cannot deliver
Having an altruistic attitude (metta), trying to cooperate and to provide what other people want

Also I kind of know that every job is temporary. The longest I worked anywhere was 12 years, and I have had contracts to do just a few weeks' work.
So I think you have to do a bit of what Oyamist said, i.e. "relinquishing attachment to outcome" -- sometimes there's work for me somwhere, and sometimes there isn't -- and whether and when that's so (i.e. whether people have a job for me) is somewhat outside my control.
So instead of concentrating on outcome ("what will happen?"), you concentrate on process ("how am I doing, am I communicating well?") -- then perhaps you develop a reputation, and so be able to find more work even after this job ends for whatever reason (but of course concentrate on one job at a time).
On the subject of meditation (which you asked about) I find walking ("walking meditation?") helpful. If "cognition turns to pure incoherence" then maybe walk around the block and breathe a bit. I do that, stand up, breathe, swing my arms a bit, use both feet, see a streetscape -- and without thinking about it too hard, and idea might come up like, "maybe I'll trying doing X next" -- and that seems like an idea that might work so I go back and try it.


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Does emptiness & no-self work together?
Emptiness seems to be very prevalent in Dhamma after Theravada.
But I have seen that it still exists in Theravada, it has just been ignored compared to other teachings.
Why is emptiness ignored so much in Theravada & can emptiness be harmonious alongside the teaching of no-self?
If my question is not clear, please inform me. :)
Metta to all!

Yes the buddha says that conditioned things are empty, which means they are empty of self like he says so in https://suttacentral.net/sn35.85/en/bodhi or even https://suttacentral.net/sa273/en/choong
In fact he even says that knowing that things are empty, not self, dukkha and all that is the trigger for liberation

‘The first absorption is a basis for ending the defilements.’ That’s
  what I said, but why did I say it? Take a mendicant who, quite
  secluded from sensual pleasures, secluded from unskillful qualities,
  enters and remains in the first absorption. They contemplate the
  phenomena there—included in form, feeling, perception, choices, and
  consciousness—as impermanent, as suffering, as diseased, as an
  abscess, as a dart, as misery, as an affliction, as alien, as falling
  apart, as empty, as not-self. They turn their mind away from those
  things, and apply it to the deathless: ‘This is peaceful; this is
  sublime—that is, the stilling of all activities, the letting go of all
  attachments, the ending of craving, fading away, cessation,
  extinguishment.’
  https://suttacentral.net/an4.124/en/sujato

Thank you for your answer! It is appreciated!

Emptiness is most clearly taught in SN 35.85 and means:

Empty of self and of what belongs to self.

'Emptiness' is essentially the same teaching & reality as 'anatta' ('not-self').
'Anatta' was taught in the Buddha's second sermon SN 22.59. Being the second sermon, SN 22.59 is a 'gradual teaching', where the Buddha first teaches about impermanence. The Buddha logically teaches because all of the five aggregates are impermanent, they cannot be a 'self' or cannot be controlled or possessed as 'mine'.
'Emptiness' is a later teaching, where the Buddha comprehensively says everything, be it conditioned or unconditioned, impermanent or permanent,  is empty of self.


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How do I deal with Aversion?
I practice the Dhamma & I try hard to show loving-kindness, but I end up sometimes getting very mad at people or irritated.
I try Metta meditation, but is there anything else I can do to try and calm the poison of anger? I don't want to be snappy or hateful at times, people just cause me to arise my anger at times.
Metta & Appreciation!

well there is the 4 four divine abodes like you said, and beyond that, there is becoming an arhant.
For metta and the opposite, ie anger, ill will you can find out why you get angry towards somebody. Generally, people get angry at somebody or something because they care about a thing, then somebody does something and the angry person imagine that this action of this somebody will  threaten the thing he cares about.
Then the method is that you must determine if what you care about is indeed worth caring about. It runs out that puthujjanas care about bad things and do not care about good things. So that's probably a good start for improvement. So first see if you think that caring about the thing is good or bad, then see if the buddha says it is indeed good or bad.
If the buddha disagree with you, then you better follow him, rather than whatever false ideas  popping up in your mind.
so if you want something else than metta, you have to look at wisdom, ie panna, and with the buddha, the way to get wisdom is always the same, ie this
http://obo.genaud.net/a/dhamma-vinaya/pts/an/04_fours/an04.126.wood.pts.htm#p1

Herein, monks, a certain person lives irradiating one quarter (of the
  world) with a heart possessed of amity; so also as to the second,
  third and fourth quarter of the world; and in like manner above,
  below, across, everywhere, for all sorts and conditions, he lives
  irradiating the whole world with a heart possessed of amity that is
  widespread, grown great and boundless, free from enmity and
  untroubled.
There, whatsoever conditions arise by way of form, feeling,
  perception, the activities, consciousness, those conditions he comes
  to regard as impermanent, as Ill, as a disease, as an imposthume, as a
  barb, as pain, ill-health, alien, transitory, as empty and not of the
  self.
When body breaks up after death he is reobrn in the company of the
  devas of the Pure Abodes.
Monks, this rebirth is not partaken of by ordinary men.

Of course getting metta is hard for anybody clinging to sensuality, ie most people. So the beginning of that and more generally of ''mediation'', ie samadhi, is always to see thoughts as you see ''objects'' of the 5 usual senses, ie just things which come and go and do not get infatuated with ideas, thoughts, dreams, fantasies and all that.
Do not base your actions on thoughts. Base your actions, ie what you do and do not do, only on what the buddha says is wisdom. (since puthujjanas do not have any wisdom, they have to memorize what wisdom is, from the buddha , then cultivate it)
it turns out that the buddha says that there are good thoughts and there are bad thoughts.
First you must memorize what are good thoughts and what are bad thoughts, which is explained here https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.019.than.html
Second you must be judging all the time, all the thoughts which pop up in the mind. This is really hard for most people, only because people think that when they have an idea, they have to act on it, that their ideas, opinions, thoughts are always good, (and ideas of other people are mostly bad).
Third, you must judge a good thoughts as good thought and bad thought as bad thought . Some people do not even do that. for instance they say that thoughts of anger sometimes are good. THe buddha says thought so anger are always bad.
fourth, you must get rid of bad thoughts and keep only good thoughts. This is hard too as long as you see thoughts, opinions, ideas, dreams as important, as above.
Fifth, the way to get the citta in samadhi is actually to keep the good thoughts and then, with the faith in the buddha, you must manage to get piti, sukha, joy (ie that the things that the buddha calls good are indeed good, which is the way to tranquilize all the stuff that the buddha says is bad.
for instance, to calm the ''bodily formation'' you have to ''enter'' the 4th jhana

"And how is a monk calmed in his bodily fabrication? [4] There is the
  case where a monk, with the abandoning of pleasure & pain — as with
  the earlier disappearance of elation & distress — enters & remains in
  the fourth jhana: purity of equanimity & mindfulness, neither pleasure
  nor pain. This is how a monk is calmed in his bodily fabrication.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an10/an10.020.than.html#fnt-1
Because the buddha says that  culturing  good thoughts and joy is actually the way to get the citta into samadhi.

"For a person endowed with virtue, consummate in virtue, there is no
  need for an act of will, 'May freedom from remorse arise in me.' It is
  in the nature of things that freedom from remorse arises in a person
  endowed with virtue, consummate in virtue.
"For a person free from remorse, there is no need for an act of will,
  'May joy arise in me.' It is in the nature of things that joy arises
  in a person free from remorse.
"For a joyful person, there is no need for an act of will, 'May
  rapture arise in me.' It is in the nature of things that rapture
  arises in a joyful person.
"For a rapturous person, there is no need for an act of will, 'May my
  body be serene.' It is in the nature of things that a rapturous person
  grows serene in body.
"For a person serene in body, there is no need for an act of will,
  'May I experience pleasure.' It is in the nature of things that a
  person serene in body experiences pleasure.
"For a person experiencing pleasure, there is no need for an act of
  will, 'May my mind grow concentrated.' It is in the nature of things
  that the mind of a person experiencing pleasure grows concentrated.
"For a person whose mind is concentrated, there is no need for an act
  of will, 'May I know & see things as they actually are.' It is in the
  nature of things that a person whose mind is concentrated knows & sees
  things as they actually are.
"For a person who knows & sees things as they actually are, there is
  no need for an act of will, 'May I feel disenchantment.' It is in the
  nature of things that a person who knows & sees things as they
  actually are feels disenchantment.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an11/an11.002.than.html
now back to metta
first the buddha says that to avoid aversion, you have to cultivate ''Good will as an awareness-release''

"[Then if they ask,] 'But what, friends, is the reason, what the
  cause, why unarisen aversion does not arise, or arisen aversion is
  abandoned?'
'Good will as an awareness-release,' it should be said.
'For one who attends appropriately to good will as an
  awareness-release, unarisen aversion does not arise and arisen
  aversion is abandoned...'

http://obo.genaud.net/dhamma-vinaya/ati/an/03_threes/an03.068.than.ati.htm#p1
but then there ''two kinds of view'' about metta. the view of the puthujjanas and of course the way better view of the non-puthujjanas because it is wisdom and not really a view,
http://obo.genaud.net/dhamma-vinaya/ati/an/04_fours/an04.125.than.ati.htm

"There is the case where an individual keeps pervading the first
  direction[1] — as well as the second direction, the third, and the
  fourth — with an awareness imbued with good will.
Thus he keeps pervading above, below, and all around, everywhere and
  in every respect the all-encompassing cosmos with an awareness imbued
  with good will: abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free from
  hostility, free from ill will.
He savors that, longs for that, finds satisfaction through that.
Staying there — fixed on that, dwelling there often, not falling away
  from that — then when he dies he reappears in conjunction with the
  devas of Brahma's retinue.
The devas of Brahma's retinue, monks, have a life-span of an eon.
A run-of-the-mill person having stayed there, having used up all the
  life-span of those devas, goes to hell, to the animal womb, to the
  state of the hungry shades.
But a disciple of the Blessed One, having stayed there, having used up
  all the life-span of those devas, is unbound right in that state of
  being.
This, monks, is the difference, this the distinction, this the
  distinguishing factor, between an educated disciple of the noble ones
  and an uneducated run-of-the-mill person, when there is a destination,
  a reappearing.

Do not confuse the view of the puthujjanas with the wisdom about metta.
now concretely the good will is explained here
http://obo.genaud.net/dhamma-vinaya/ati/kd/snp/snp.1-08.than.ati.htm

Do not do the slightest thing that the wise would later censure.
Think: Happy, at rest, may all beings be happy at heart. Whatever
  beings there may be,
      weak or strong, without exception,
      long, large,
      middling, short,
      subtle, blatant,
      seen and unseen,
      near and far,
      born and seeking birth: May all beings be happy at heart.
Let no one deceive another or despise anyone anywhere, or through
  anger or irritation wish for another to suffer.
As a mother would risk her life to protect her child, her only child,
  even so should one cultivate a limitless heart with regard to all
  beings. With good will for the entire cosmos, cultivate a limitless
  heart: Above, below, and all around, unobstructed, without enmity or
  hate. Whether standing, walking, sitting, or lying down,
      as long as one is alert, one should be resolved on this mindfulness. This is called a sublime abiding here and now.
Not taken with views, but virtuous and consummate in vision, having
  subdued desire for sensual pleasures,
      one never again
      will lie in the womb.

Buddha says non Kamma is the best Kamma. This can be most apparent in renunciation. Try, less sugar, no meat, maybe skip a meal once in a while. Give up very spicy foods, try not killing plants, yoga or stretch regularly...
       I hesitate to say try more mindfulness of body, annicca, impermenant changing, and have by having a humble compassion for "ourselves"  may be more beneficial than sending out, especially if we are agitated. Also, better to contemplate the qualities of Buddha, than to contemplate the qualities of Tom, Dick, and Harry. I am very grateful for those who are respectable.


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What are the different meditation types & how to do them?
I know there are many types of meditation, but can someone help clarify the following questions on meditation:
- What types of meditation is essential for the practice & why?
- How do those types of meditation work (like what am I suppose to be doing)?
- Why do we do meditation (why is it such an essential thing)?

If you also have any extra information to add, it would be well appreciated!
(And if possible, please cite sources in the Pali Tipitaka for your answer)
Metta to all!

What types of meditation is essential for the practice & why?

The Buddhist path to liberation is divided into 3 trainings:

Source: Maha Cattarīsaka Sutta
Moreover, there 40 types of meditation (Kammaṭṭhāna) which is aimed at fullfilling the 3 trainings:

Sila - recollection of morality (Śīla)
Samadhi - Samatha
Panna - Vipassanā

How do those types of meditation work (like what am I suppose to be doing)?

Sila - recollection of morality (Śīla)
The recollection of virtue reminds oneself of the moral contents one has to follow. Say one gets the motivation to do something unwholesome. The frequent recollection reminds oneself of what one has to follow.
Samadhi - Samatha
This uses and object and one develops one-pointed concentration on it.
Panna - Vipassanā
One examines the realities of phenomena and develops insight into it.

Why do we do meditation (why is it such an essential thing)?

To realise the 3 training meditation is the tool.

You will want to memorize and think about the Dhamma a lot to develop insight, motivation and conviction. Then one would split thinking into two and constantly try to entertain themes which are good, being sensitive to the mind, adjusting to accommodate the various hindrances and contemplating a lot.
Id advice you to do your own learning and get mastery of the 4 nikayas first but you should also use commentary where it makes sense and have a general idea of origin & points of controversy.
here are various perception developments; https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kZxstsAvjhj9Svc47RUKRIyKQMuHMD4adIvr_7pp2uI/edit
here on factors of enlightenment;
https://docs.google.com/document/d/18b57EkdwyqsmER1dS5MPqpeWSjj82A7qvqYlXrhkCPQ/edit
here on anapanasati meditation;
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hRy-g6o8yKsDQnR6_sbBbY5ZVpDbQ5-_LURXqwxS7YU/edit?usp=sharing
here on dhamma terminology;
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NHDYCBjXLKwCxEUqbqvk7ui9fPfUx6oKxibjXcEH2CM/edit?usp=sharing
here on hindrances;
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qVz1XtntivxPRsxycsrH0_sgILcMbcghdpxoKuxlLYo/edit?usp=sharing
It is best to find some teachers and experiment a lot.

The third link is the same as the second (i.e. it's not about anapanasati).

thanks, i fixed it.

I would only reccomend meditation that uses pure nature, no imagination, no foreign objects. Yoga asanas, anapana, Sattipithana, or just mindfullness.
An orientation toward virtuous and compassionate behavior is an important foundation. Not because some beings say we must obey, nothing to do with it. It is because we start to understand, through contemplation and observation that particular energies from certain behaviors and Kamma(actions) cause agitation in ourselves and environment around us. You can make your own moral code adding and subtracting if you are honest with yourself.
        Awareness of the breath body, sitting still, feel the whole body as you breathe in, as you breathe out.
      Eat mindfully without distractions. Sit and feel the texture movement, ¿flavour?  The arm shoveling.
      Get the Sattipithana, but get the version written. By Buddha.
     I reccomend keeping the contemplation to a minimum and meditate more. Like two wings of a plane, theory and practice. Better to not get too much of one without the other. Or there will be ...trouble?

The 4 most popular and indispensable meditations in Early Buddhist meditation: All 4 of these should be in your tool kit. http://lucid24.org/sted/16aps/4meditations/index.html
And a complete set of references for breath meditation: http://lucid24.org/sted/16aps/index.html


text:
How do I practice the Dhamma in an environment where it's not supported?
My parents, try to hinder my practice of the Dhamma by verbally & aggressively putting the Dhamma down to me, almost every day. They believe I am being "brainwashed" by monks I watch online or people I talk to about Buddhism.
They also express that they are concerned when I meditate, which itself is not negative at all, I just don't want them to worry about my practice.
My practice in no way interferes with their life, I keep the Dhamma to myself unless one is curious or respectful about it, but my parents always seem to bring it up & they aren't very respectful.
How do I prevent this from happening while at the same time respecting their beliefs in the Abrahamic God? I only want love & practice, it's just hard to communicate, for them to understand, the truth of the Dhamma to them.
Metta to all

There's one answer here: As a Buddhist with a Muslim family, community, and background… how do you integrate/cope?

There's another topic here (about "communicating the truth of the dhamma to them"): How to explain what Buddhism is?

Firstly, I assume that you reside in a jurisdiction where converting from your original religion to Buddhism and the practice of Buddhism are not illegal.
I suggest that you can explain the following to your parents, assuming that it is possible to reason with them:
I understand and respect your beliefs and your practice of religion X. This religion X teaches one to have morality, respect, kindness and compassion for your fellow man. The founder of this religion also displayed these values. (cite examples here)
I would like to announce to you that I do not belong to religion X any more, although I still greatly respect it and its founder. I have now accepted Buddhism, as my religion and my way of life, by taking refuge in the Buddha, his teachings and his community of disciples, as well as by undertaking the training of the Five Precepts of Buddhism.
The Buddha also displayed the same values of morality, respect, kindness and compassion, that the founder of religion X did, and he taught his followers to practise these values. (Cite examples from the Buddha's life that parallel the life of the founder of religion X)
The Five Precepts of Buddhism are not very different from the Ten Commandments (or some other equivalent teaching of religion X). It teaches me not to kill, not to steal, not to commit adultery, not to speak the untruth, and not to consume intoxicating substances. The Buddha is not God and Buddhists are not required to make idols of the Buddha, or worship him. Taking refuge in the Buddha simply means that one accepts the Buddha as his teacher, and has faith in his teachings.
The Buddha was a normal man, who became an enlightened teacher, who guided his followers away from living an immoral life that leads to suffering, just as the founder of religion X did.
The Buddha also taught his followers to respect and cherish their parents. He taught that it's very difficult for children to repay the love and kindness shown by parents towards their children.
I want you to understand that your insulting and belittling of Buddhism or the Buddha will not change my mind. I am now and for the foreseeable future, a committed practising Buddhist.
The founder of religion X did not prevent or hinder people from following other religions. The Buddha too did not prevent or hinder people from following other religions.The founder of religion X did not force others to practise the religion that he brought. The Buddha too did not force others to practise his teachings.
Similarly, I will not force you to practise my religion, and I ask you not to force me to practice your religion. I will not insult or belittle your religion, and I ask you not to insult or belittle Buddhism.
Even if you insult or belittle my religion, the Buddha taught me to show metta (loving kindness) towards you. By metta, I mean I would always wish you to be happy and free from suffering. (Cite similar examples from the life of the founder of religion X, if possible)

The Buddhism as a religion which can be seen practiced nowadays is often and in many ways quite different to the practices in the texts. Therefore your group is right to worry about you imo. There are several sects even within the Theravada and a variety of disagreements, chances are they already got you:)
Perhaps try approaching the whole Buddhisms more like an academic pursuit and experiment with meditation, shouldn't be a big deal if someone wants to explore those things. The problem arises when you come of as a lunatic and they are unable to communicate because they are not trained in that system of language (dhamma).

If we understand the non secterian Dhamma, we can use judeo-Christian language, or  or find simple common ground with them. Dhamma is virtue, morality is Dhamma. Non secterian, even set aside Pali language, who will have issue with not killing, not using intoxicants, not stealing, not undertaking sexual misconduct, not over indulging in sleep and comfort?
Many monastaries and meditation centers don't follow the precept of no having ornaments, decorations, etc. This precept might be important to keep purity of Dhamma in a non sectarian way. Not putting up these walls, barriers attatchments will be good for one and all beings. Don't take my word for it, question it. Find out with your own faculty of dicernment. Fancy Pagoda tops, and decorations and even statues of sidartha gotoma the body are not in alignment with the Dhamma. These jewelery, and chanting outloud, in front of them are better left undone. Meditation in secluded area, in a room preferably clean or empty, or in a park at the base of a tree.
Who will take issue if you simply state I am trying to take time to develop concentration. Lengthen my attention span. It may help me to improve studying, reduce stress, enjoy a richer fuller life. A calm mind might appreciate the song of a bird, the beauty of sunset, etc. Develop wisdom and insight into the nature of reality.
Have compassion for living beings, I try to develop compassion for living beings, know that People and animals are all subject to sickness, death, impermenance. I don't want to unnecessarily cause I creased harm. But it takes practice... Who will take issue?
Better not to argue with them but try taking deep breaths and o serve how you feel when this is happening. If you react as soon as you can realize it come to your senses and try to not respond verbally. If you react 15 min. Before you realize I am reacting, arguing, etc. Know it is a huge improvement from 16 min.

To separate text into paragraphs, don't use leading whitespace at the start of the first line, but do put a blank/empty line between paragraphs -- full details are here or here

I didn't understand what the last three sentences are saying -- "If you react 15 min. Before you realize I am reacting, arguing, etc. Know it is a huge improvement from 16 min."


text:
Sentience, killing, & extremes?
The Buddha always said killing, no matter the circumstance, is always unskillful & leads to negative Rebirths.

In no recorded instance did he approve of killing any living being at
  all. When one of his monks went to an executioner and told the man to
  kill his victims compassionately, with one blow, rather than torturing
  them, the Buddha expelled the monk from the Sangha, on the grounds
  that even the recommendation to kill compassionately is still a
  recommendation to kill — something he would never condone. If a monk
  was physically attacked, the Buddha allowed him to strike back in
  self-defense, but never with the intention to kill. As he told the
  monks,
"Even if bandits were to carve you up savagely, limb by limb, with a
  two-handled saw, he among you who let his heart get angered even at
  that would not be doing my bidding. Even then you should train
  yourselves: 'Our minds will be unaffected and we will say no evil
  words. We will remain sympathetic, with a mind of good will, and with
  no inner hate. We will keep pervading these people with an awareness
  imbued with good will and, beginning with them, we will keep pervading
  the all-encompassing world with an awareness imbued with good will —
  abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free from hostility, free from ill
  will.' That's how you should train yourselves."
— MN 21
  http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/lib/authors/thanissaro/gettingmessage_en.html

Three questions:
- What determines an animal's sentience?
- If killing is never allowed, how would one deal with a parasite infesting their body, or any other animal as so?
- Would not killing the parasite mean it is self-mortification, & thus an extreme, breaking the Middle Way (as it can hinder the practice of the Dhamma too)?
Please help! Metta to all!

These are new question being asked, in addition to the question-and-answers -- If a buddhist should not kill a mouse living in their home, what justification do they have to rid themselves of a parasite such tapeworms

OP: What determines an animal's sentience?

All five aggregates (form, feeling, perception, mental formations and consciousness) must be present, in order for a being to be considered sentient.

OP: If killing is never allowed, how would one deal with a parasite infesting their body, or any other animal as so?

Killing sentient beings is against the first precept. The Five Precepts are training rules and not divine prohibitions.
Killing an animal is considered a lesser transgression than killing a human being.
From the Bhikkhu Patimokkha (disciplinary rules for monks):

Intentionally bringing about the death of a human being, even if it is
  still a fetus — whether by killing the person, arranging for an
  assassin to kill the person, inciting the person to die, or describing
  the advantages of death — is a pārājika offense. (Pr 3)
Pouring water that one knows to contain living beings — or having it
  poured — on grass or clay is a pācittiya offense. Pouring anything
  that would kill the beings into such water — or having it poured — is
  also a pācittiya offense. (Pc 20)
Deliberately killing an animal — or having it killed — is a pācittiya
  offense. (Pc 61)
Using water, or getting others to use it, knowing that it contains
  living beings that will die from that use, is a pācittiya offense. (Pc
  62)

Above, you can see that deliberately killing a human is grounds for immediate and irreversible dismissal from the monastic order (pārājika).
However, deliberately killing an animal is an offense that requires only confession (pācittiya) within the monastic order, usually with the intention not to do it again. It's not as severe as killing a human.

OP: Would not killing the parasite mean it is self-mortification, & thus an extreme, breaking the Middle Way (as it can hinder the
  practice of the Dhamma too)?

Consuming medicine to cure oneself is acceptable for both monks and lay people. There are no prohibitions with regards to medicine. If a medicine contains some alcohol, that's also acceptable.

Mr Suminda here expressed well what is included in sentience.
The working out of the exact results of action & intention is not to be done, as far as i know.
The consequent origination is without a discernable beginning and the exact results of this or that action is not something that is easy to figure out.
There is no forumulae or a solver which can simulate two beginningless worlds, arrive at the same states of the world and split the desicion tree to compare outcomes; that would not be possible because if two systems evolve in exact same way with an infinite complexity then it is unreasonable to expect the decision tree to split in and by itself, as a matter of fact there is no decision tree either because world just evolves, it does not stop to think should i go this way or that way, become this or otherwise; it goes according to prior development.
However even if there was a decision tree there is no basis for a split if values are exact and same given that the systems simulate the same exact premises and conditions. This is not like simulating a move in chess or blackjack because these games have determined starting points and a "decision maker".
Therefore one can not evaluate actions in this way, there is no way to input values and simulate outcomes for action A comparing to action B, having solved for which one could say that 'one is better than the other because the better one has exactly this much estimated shorter time to Parinibbana'.
Therefore the exact values are difficult to work out. There are other circumstances where this comes into place, like the Parajika of stealing; "A bhikkhu must have stolen a certain amount for the circumstance to be considered an offence of defeat". Figuring out these values in their exacts & particulars is impossible at this point afaik.
Nothing else makes sense, the type of thinking; 'If i get maggots i will have found my assasin', is going to lead to inconsistencies and reveal hipocrisy imo.
This is because a person who says he will be devoured by worms rather than break his training, he is saying "lives of others are sacred, i can train even as i am devoured by worms", but at the same time this same person probably goes for walks to exercize his legs where he might step on an animal, drives a car that might kill even a group of people or he causes others to walk and drive even if it is for his training or the training of others, so why sacrifice beings when it is better to train even when devoured by worms?
It is going to be inconsistent because there is no way to say this life-form goes and this one's are ok to hit with a car on a way to make living or the supermarket. There are all sorts of problems with that thinking, it seems like a person like this would want to sit down and not break the sitting posture until arahantship and then go without food but maybe that is not an option as it might kill the bacteria, beings and worms currently in the body.

In case a reader doesn't know, an attitude that "I will have found my assassin" may be a reference to the Punna Sutta (SN 35.88).

There is also a story about monks said to have been wandering dangerous areas 'looking for an assasin' in reference to those looking for death and a murderer. Can't remember where it is from.

There's discussion between Buddhists of different schools about whether it's important to have a vegetarian diet.

Some say "yes" -- because eating meat involves farming and killing or hunting animals -- and even if you don't kill them yourself, your paying for meat contributes to that industry and cycle.

Some (as you probably know) say "no" -- that it's alright to buy already-dead meat in a market provided the animal wasn't killed specifically for you. They'd also point out that vegetarians too contribute to killing animals -- that ploughing the soil kills worms, that harvesting grain may kill mice, and so on.
The proper reaction to that, I've seen it argued, is samvega and so on.

Anyway, I wonder whether killing a parasite like a tape-worm (by taking medicine) for the health of "my" body is morally similar to killing an earth-worm by digging in "my" garden to grow food.
I think that Jains are a little more extreme about "harmlessness" than Buddhists -- and that they view fasting to death as ethical -- which as you might point out is not the Middle Way of Buddhism.
I'm not sure what the rule would be for Buddhist monks. Perhaps they're expected to be obedient in taking medical prescriptions when they're ill. I don't know in fact whether a monk or doctor who prescribes a medicine would avoid prescribing a medicine which would kill a parasite (or other infection). I think that a medicine which "purges" is one of the traditional types of medicine according to the Vinaya.

What determines an animal's sentience?

What determines a being:
From the Pali words: pana, pāṇāni:

Something that breaths (excluding plants). Also see: What is Prana according to Buddhism?

From Definition of Dependent Origination of Satta

Something that has consciousness
Something that has the 5 aggregates or Name and Form in full or in part (In asaññasatta - Unconscious beings - wold there is no sanna, and arupa-loka - The Immaterial World - there is no rupa, with these exceptions in other worlds all 5 aggregates must be present)
Something that has the 6 sense bases in full or in part
Something that feels
Something that perceives

From Abhidhamma:

Something that has the life faculty (Jivitindriya)

All being are sentient as when their faculties make contact they feel and perceive. So what determines sentience is if one is a being.

...

Source: P51 - 52, Pāli Buddhism By Hoffman Frank

I have added more details on where the definition comes from.


text:
Heat and Meditation
I was meditating and couldn't keep my eyes open. I wore a thick sweater, and when I removed this sweater, the lethargy dissipated and instead I faced distracted thoughts, but I meditated with much more alertness.
Is temperature a factor at all in meditation?

I say Yes, ...but how can we find out?
Temperature gives a great opportunity to develop the patience paramis, for the benefit of one and all, so we can reach enlightenment. Further, we can observe the warming effects of temperature sensations, by environment or hot sauce and garlic. Some meditators have renounced garlic and Habeñeros because of the phycho sematic effects. I have observed one overcome with heat, feeling like a whiney puppy, with the red rocket out desperate and agitated. Full of madness and siracha. The one was me. However, a hot environment is an opportunity to develop tolerance and patience, so when in varied temperatures we can remain balanced.  Also, intermittent fasting can greatly reduced heat accumulated in the body and agitation in the mind.  The study ofAyurveda offers many insights into how heat may affect us


text:
The Animal Plane & Evolution?
(Please Theravada perspective if possible)
NAMO TASSA BAGAVATO ARAHANTO SAMMA-SAMBUDDHASA (I am not fluent, forgive errors)
These are my following questions:

Do animals feel emotions just like us or do they feel emotions on an instinctual level only?
What makes animals different from humans according to their planes of existence?
How can an animal get out of their plane? Is it by working off Kamma by suffering?
How does evolution work in terms of animals/humans cause I hear it works with Buddhism?

Metta to all!

OP: Do animals feel emotions just like us or do they feel emotions on an instinctual level only?

Even among humans, some are more deeply deluded by ignorance than others. Some humans can be easily trained and others are hard to be trained. This can be seen in the Kesi Sutta.
Among animals, you can find purely instinctual animals like mosquitoes, while other animals like dogs can experience emotions a little more like humans can. Anchovy is pretty much instinctual and unaware of human presence. But dolphins can interact with humans and display more complex emotions. Dolphins and dogs can also be trained unlike anchovy and mosquitoes. This shows that some animals are less deluded than others.

OP: What makes animals different from humans according to their planes of existence?

Humans generally have a much greater intellectual capacity and clarity of mind than animals, and this allows them to have the possibility to understand the Dhamma. Even then, some humans, especially those that have committed heinous crimes like killing their own parents, would not be able to fully comprehend the Dhamma.

OP: How can an animal get out of their plane? Is it by working off Kamma by suffering?

This seems to be very rare, because it's very hard for animals to overcome their delusion.
From SN 56.120-122:

“… the sentient beings who die as animals and are reborn as humans are
  few, while those who die as animals and are reborn in hell, or the
  animal realm, or the ghost realm are many.”

How animals can escape their situation is not very clear in the suttas.

OP: How does evolution work in terms of animals/humans cause I hear it works with Buddhism?

The Buddha taught about escaping suffering by training the mind. He did not really concern himself with cosmology or biology, which he considered to be unimportant on the path towards the ending of suffering (see the Parable of the Poisoned Arrow). Even teachings that appear to speak about biological evolution, is most probably metaphorical.

Seeing a difference in kind between e.g. mosquitoes and dogs -- is that traditional/scriptural that you know of, or is it only modern/personal/scientific opinion?

This is my personal opinion about animals, but extrapolated from suttas on humans.

Do animals feel emotions just like us or do they feel emotions on an
  instinctual level only?

AN 3.61 says "for those who feel, I teach the Four Noble Truths". Animals do not "feel". If animals could "feel", they would not be controlled by their cravings & emotions. They would employ mindfulness & wisdom at sense contact & feeling. But instead of "feeling", animals are driven by their emotions rather than "feel" their "emotions". If animals could "feel" their emotions, they could practise vedanupassana & cittanupassana and stop the arising of craving.

What makes animals different from humans according to their planes of existence?

In Buddhism, the word translated as "animal" is "tiracchāna", which means to "move horizontally" or not evolve on a spiritual level; to merely be guided by instincts of reproduction, sex, territorialism, etc. For example, "worldly talk" by monks in Buddhism is called "animal talk".
The word translated as "human" is "manussa", which means "high minded". Suttas such as SN 56.47 define the "human state" as moral righteousness, non-harmful & realised the Four Noble Truths.
For example, animals believe pornography, sexual promiscuity & other forms of liberal sex are OK. Where as "humans" see the danger, degradation & dysfunction of sexual liberalism. The Lokapala Sutta says:

Bhikkhus, these two bright principles protect the world. What are the
  two? Shame and fear of wrongdoing. If, bhikkhus, these two bright
  principles did not protect the world, there would not be discerned
  respect for mother or maternal aunt or maternal uncle's wife or a
  teacher's wife or the wives of other honored persons, and the world
  would have fallen into promiscuity, as with goats, sheep, chickens,
  pigs, dogs and jackals. But as these two bright principles protect
  the world, there is discerned respect for mother... and the wives of
  other honored persons.
Lokapala Sutta

How can an animal get out of their plane? Is it by working off Kamma by suffering?

Animals leave the animal plane by realising the Four Noble Truths, as taught in SN 56.120, SN 56.47, etc, and abandoning instinctual lusts. This video (in English here) shows the animal named Angulimala realising the Four Noble Truths and having rebirth in the human realm due to abandoning violence.

How does evolution work in terms of animals/humans cause I hear it works with Buddhism?

Buddhism is about 'spiritual evolution' rather than 'physical evolution'. Sutta, such as MN 8, says wholesome states 'lead upwards'.

The Way Leading Upwards
Cunda, just as all unwholesome states lead downwards and all wholesome states lead upwards, so too:
(1) A person given to cruelty has non-cruelty to lead him upwards.
(2) One given to killing living beings has abstention from killing living beings to lead him upwards.
(3–43) One given to…to lead him upwards.
(44) One given to adhere to his own views, who holds on to them tenaciously and relinquishes them with difficulty, has non-adherence
  to his own views, not holding on to them tenaciously and relinquishing
  them easily, to lead him upwards.

Is it not obvious that animal feel, care about each other. Humans are also controlled by instinct aren't they? Humans creat tremendously more craving and aversion in the world than animals even the best non stream enterer, is likely producing much more craving, and greed than even the worst animal in this day and age. Read and quote all you want but can't you see this truth? This is a sign that more practice and less theory would be beneficial.

This reads as if it was meant to be a reply to (and therefore a comment under) Dhammadhatu's answer, right? It doesn't seem to answer the OP question.

Do animals feel emotions just like us or do they feel emotions on an instinctual level only?

In hellish realms, beings experience mostly pain.
In the animal kingdom, they feel pain with emotions like greed/lust/fear. In the animal kingdom what is experienced is mostly instinctive as their perception and thinking is not developed. This is a reason they cannot realise the Dhamma.
In the human relm, it is a mix of pleasantness, pain with emotions like happiness/excitement, greed/lust/fear.
In higher planes, it is the most pleasure with emotion like happiness/excitement.

What makes animals different from humans according to their planes of existence?

Maha Kamma,vibhaṅga Sutta states that karma is what decides the plane one is borns. In higher planes are pleasant and lower planes are unpleasant.
Also, it is karma which decides disparity among humans. [Cūla Kamma Vibhaṅga Sutta]

How can an animal get out of their plane? Is it by working off Kamma by suffering?

It is by death in any of the following ways:

the ending of their karma
the ending of their life-span
in material worlds accidents
in higher realms, it is said that one can descend to a lower realm by wishing so
the ending of their karma and life-span

Is it by working off Kamma by suffering?

Karma is exsusted when it it felt.
In the context of getting out of a plane of existence, this is the exhaustion of the karma which created the birth or any of the other ways above.

How does evolution work in terms of animals/humans cause I hear it works with Buddhism?

Some of the creatures of light (the Abbhasaras) who had curiosity and a greedy nature began to dive and taste the savory Earth's substance. At that moment, the creature found out that it tasted so delicious. Thus, greed started to seep in and it ate the substance voraciously, greedily, also calling its comrades (who were flying above and on earth) to join in the feast. Not long afterwards, the creatures began to eat greedily, and due to the huge amount of the mud substance they could feed on it for a very long time.
As they ate and ate, their luminous body began to be coated by the mud substance, formed a coarser body, then suddenly, the sun and moon were seen, so were the stars, and also Night and Day began on Earth. The logical explanation of this was that the creatures were the self-illuminating, so blinding and luminous that they didn't notice the Sun. The Earth was covered in their light. So, when the materialization took place, the light faded inside their newly conceived 'body' of mud and thus the night and day became apparent to them. Then, as the night and day became apparent, seasons and years also appeared.
Their body was still coarse and roughly shaped. Thus, after a very long time, the mud-like substance began to be exhausted. Then, mushroom-like plants began to grow so fast that they replaced the mud-like ocean. The creatures began to devour them as well, and they also found it delicious, like sweet honey and milk. Their body hardened more and details began to turn finer.
After another very long time, the mushrooms also began to be exhausted, replaced by cassava or turnip-like plants. They also began to devour them night and day, and thus they began to notice differences amongst them. As the changes of their bodies varied between each other, the concept of difference arose. The concepts of the beautiful and the ugly were born. The beautiful scorns the ugly and they became arrogant because of their appearance.
Then, after the turnips, the earth was grown with rice plants. The first rice plants were without husk and kernels. The sweet and honey-like rice flourished seeds abundantly. The people consumed them for a very long time. But there are people who became greedy and lazy. They took more rice than they needed for one day's meals. They began to take two, four, eight, and sixteen days' of rice reserves as they were too lazy to take rice everyday. Owing to this, many other creatures began to store and hoard the rice. The generation time for rice plants became slower and slower. Usually, it took only one night for the plant to grow and be ready to be consumed, but by the karmic power the plant began to grow more and more slowly. Also the rice grew in kernels and husks, scattered, which the creatures must work, nurse, maintain, harvest, and cook in order to obtain the white rice.
By this time, the body of the creatures had become finely evolved. There was already the distinction between male and female. The man became preoccupied with women and vice versa. Then, as they were deeply attracted to each another, passion and desire was aroused, and they engaged in sexual relationships. The people who saw a couple engaged in sexual activity scolded them, and usually the couple were forbidden from entering the village for a certain period of time. Owing to this, the indulgent couples built closed dwellings where they indulged in sexual activity.

Aggañña Sutta

Do animals feel emotions just like us or do they feel emotions on an instinctual level only?
I don't really understand the question.
It's taught though that animals react to (your) good-will with their being non-violent toward you -- see for example here:

Ahina Sutta (AN 4.67)
Metta Means Goodwill

Modern experience suggests they may react in a similar way (i.e. non-aggression) if you're not afraid.
Yet the monastic code tells monks to not attract laypeople into places where there are dangerous animals.
What makes animals different from humans according to their planes of existence?
If they're unable to understand language, is one difference that they can't easily learn the Dhamma?
I think that's a reason why people are urged to take advantage of their having-been-born-human, i.e. it's a rare opportunity.
How can an animal get out of their plane? Is it by working off Kamma by suffering?
Perhaps that's answered by the sutta of the turtle and the hole, i.e. SN 56.47 and SN 56.48.
The Pali word adhicca has meanings like "fortuitous", and "unlikely" or "rare".
How does evolution work in terms of animals/humans cause I hear it works with Buddhism?
I don't understand what you're asking about (i.e. what you heard).
There is a sutta -- Aggañña Sutta (DN 27) -- which is described as being "an account of the origin of life and the world" ... so you might take it as an origin myth or as saying smething about the evolution of species ... but I think it may be allegorical.

I marked this post down because the word adhicca is not found in SN 56.47 and to say such seriously misrepresents the sutta. SN 56.47 is straightforwards in its content while SN 56.48 (which contains adhicca) is not straightforward and subject to imaginative papanca by puthujjana.

What is "rare" (dullabho) is a person who teaches the teaching and training proclaimed by a Realized One https://suttacentral.net/an3.114/en/sujato https://suttacentral.net/an6.96/en/sujato

Ah yes, SN 56.48 is saying it's rare to attain human existence AND (or when) a Tathagata arises in the world (so the dhamma-vinaya is proclaimed and you can practice etc. for the ending of suffering).

The comment seem to be conflating words & imputing unwarranted meaning upon them. Regardless, SN 56.47 defines what the "human state" is and it obviously does not mean "homo sapien". How can 7 billion homo sapiens on Earth be "rare"? SN 56.48 appears to say it is mere "luck" that a rare individual (such as my good self) has the necessary mental faculties to comprehend the True Dhamma.


text:
Odd Effect of Breath Meditation
I tried breathing meditation a few times recently. I have noticed that every time I use the breath as object, I get a headache and I tend to fall asleep. This fails to happen during compassion meditation or walking meditation. I might even say I feel dizzy, as if I were drunk, after breath meditation.
What may be the cause of this?

Please check the following check list: do not force your breaths, breathe naturally; keeping the back straight but do not tense up; maintain focus on the the "touching area" (tips of the nose, upper lips, etc) where you can feel the sensation of the air coming in and out; use a cushion to keep the buttock about a few inches above the knees (to maintain good blood circulation and straighten the back naturally);

These expected/typical/common results of headache & sleepiness are due to wrong concentration or suppression. If practising Anapanasati, the primary object of awareness should be the relaxed clear quiet mind. The secondary object of awareness or 'sign' should be the mere knowing or noting of each in-breath & each out-breath. While a difficult practice for minds with hindrance, to truly practise Anapanasati, all possible craving must be abandoned. In other words, there is no need to direct the mind towards the breathing. All that is required is mental stillness & quiet. Sit upright, relax & surrender with faith to the Dhamma.

So if I understand correctly, too rigid and narrow focus on the breath is involved with grasping, while the right practice is merely awareness of the quiet mind and just nothing the breath?

If you are practising correctly

This can happen due to past conditioning. As you practice this will slowly wear off. If this pain arises set aside the breath meditation and look at the feeling until it subsides.

If you make a mistake in the techniques

If you are influencing the breath like breathing too slowly, holding a breath, etc., this might also happen. In this case, check your technique and correct it.

I feel this happens when I use the tip of the nostrils as focus, as then thinking really seems to stop. Should I use a wider or less narrow focus?

One should narrow down gradually.


text:
Crippling fear of hellfire &, damnation, please help?
My original belief used to be that as long as you are a decent good person without any intentions to hurt others, you'll be fine. Meaning that no matter what religion you follow, no matter how flawed you are as a person (stubborn, short-tempered, basically all the imperfections of a human), you will not be damned to hell. To me, it used to be that there are so many religions and so many hells and heavens that comes with them, but they teach one main thing: to love and to be kind, and that would be all that we had to follow.
However, this belief was recently shaken with my grandmother's passing. She was a buddhist. I thought that because she was a good lady who never really harmed anyone directly, she would be at peace and with God/Buddha, but throughout her 5-day funeral service, there were so many things to follow (offering incense, chanting etc.) to ensure she moves on, and I developed this fear that if these rituals and rules weren't followed properly, she would go to hell/not be able to move on.
I'm an anxious person. I get fixated on things. On the final two nights of her funeral service we had to sit down and chant from some scripture books to help my grandma move on (again, what happens if there's no one doing that? Say a Buddhist that doesn't have a family who knows to follow these customs/a Buddhist with no family/a person of any other religion?). While reciting some of the scriptures, though difficult, I briefly read something about how humans are imperfect for wanting good things, being lustful, and basically all the things in human nature that makes us flawed and of course, all the very specific different kinds of hell that comes with.
It feels like we're all comforting ourselves that my grandma is resting in peace now, but this huge part of me has this crippling fear that my grandma (as well as the rest of us) will not rest in peace and instead be suffering at the end of our lives for being imperfect humans.
I'm only 22, and I start having this intense fear of doing virtually anything as a human. I'm afraid of not being wise and selfless like old monks, I'm afraid of wanting to strive for anything, or ranting about any dissatisfaction, feeling upset by things, having fun, treating myself with self-love and basically anything at all.
I feel so crippled by the fear I wake up unhappy and afraid to live and afraid to die as well. It's consuming me so much and I'm deathly afraid of it, because I'm spiralling. The more I read and research, the more afraid and unsettled I get. I even read that feeling fear and anxiety is bad and I'll also be damned for that.
Could someone kind enough maybe please offer me some words of comfort and lead me back to a rational mindset? I've been Buddhist since birth, but like I said above, I've always thought of Buddhism as a religion about love, forgiveness, and karma. Karma meaning if you do something bad, you can something on par in return. Not in a sense that if I feel anxious, live in fear I get reborn as an animal living in fear. That just makes me feel the whole religion is so scary like one misstep or one imperfection as a human, and you'll be damned.
This is still a grieving period for my family, and I want to be there for my mother for the loss of my grandmother, but I'm so scared right now. I want to be able to cheer her up, treat ourselves to nice meals and desserts, watch movies and basically just have fun like a human living their best lives, but after reading into Buddhism I feel like that's all wrong and there is no forgiveness like there is in Christianity or something else.
Maybe I got the whole perception wrong, but could somebody please help me? I'm not trolling, so please use kind words. Thank you so much.

Can you tell us which part of the world you're living in?  Are you in a majority Buddhist country, or part of a Buddhist community within a Western country, or somewhere else?

I live in Singapore, it's very greatly diverse with buddhists, taoists, christians, muslims and so on.

Sorry for your loss.

I hope SN 42.6 quoted below will give you comfort. A person's actions while they were alive determines their outcome, and not rituals performed after death.

Then Asibandhaka’s son the chief went up to the Buddha, bowed, sat
  down to one side, and said to him:
“Sir, there are western brahmins draped with moss who carry pitchers,
  immerse themselves in water, and serve the sacred flame. When someone
  has passed away, they truly lift them up, raise them up, and guide
  them along to heaven. But what about the Blessed One, the perfected
  one, the fully awakened Buddha: is he able to ensure that the whole
  world will be reborn in a good place, a heavenly realm when their body
  breaks up, after death?”
"Well then, chief, I’ll ask you about this in return,
  and you can answer as you like.
What do you think, chief? Take a person who doesn’t kill living
  creatures, steal, or commit sexual misconduct. They don’t use speech
  that’s false, divisive, harsh, or nonsensical. And they’re contented,
  kind-hearted, and have right view. And a large crowd comes together to
  offer up prayers and praise, circumambulating them with joined palms
  and saying: ‘When this person’s body breaks up, after death, may they
  be reborn in a place of loss, a bad place, the underworld, hell!’ What
  do you think, chief? Would that person be reborn in hell because of
  their prayers?”
“No, sir.”
“Chief, suppose a person were to sink a pot of ghee or oil into a deep
  lake and break it open. Its shards and chips would sink down, while
  the ghee or oil in it would rise up. And a large crowd was to come
  together to offer up prayers and praise, circumambulating it with
  joined palms and saying: ‘Sink, good ghee or oil! Descend, good ghee
  or oil! Go down, good ghee or oil!” What do you think, chief? Would
  that ghee or oil sink and descend because of their prayers?”
“No, sir.”
“In the same way, take a person who doesn’t kill living creatures,
  steal, or commit sexual misconduct. They don’t use speech that’s
  false, divisive, harsh, or nonsensical. And they’re contented,
  kind-hearted, and have right view. Even though a large crowd comes
  together to offer up prayers and praise … when their body breaks up,
  after death, they’re reborn in a good place, a heavenly realm.”
When he said this, Asibandhaka’s son the chief said to the Buddha,
  “Excellent, sir! … From this day forth, may the Buddha remember me as
  a lay follower who has gone for refuge for life.”

Along with all the excellent answers I would like to add a few cents of mine.

A student asked Zen master Hakuin, What happens after we die? The Zen
  master replied, "I don't know."
"But you're the master!" exclaimed the student.
'Yes,' said the Master, 'but I'm not a dead one.'

The point is that you can never know what happens after death. The rituals that are performed after death are to console the relatives of the dead, and not for the dead one. As it is said, don't ask for whom the bell tolls, it always tolls for you.
No nobody has power over the Karma of dead one, based on the karma of the dead one the person gets rebirth in the hell realm or heavenly realm.
To get over the crippling fear of hellfire you should start doing meditation and in those meditative spaces, you should realize, that there is no death. Death is just a starting point of next life. You have lived millions of lives and your goal should be Nirvana rather than fear of hell or greed for heaven.

These rituals exist for the living, not for the dead. They are designed to inspire very lazy, shameless people to try become better. In your case, looks like the medicine was too strong, for someone as sensitive as you.
Relax and ignore it. Focus on basic principles:

If you create harmony and peace, you and others will reap harmony and peace.
If you create conflict and pain, you and others will reap conflict and pain.

As long as you create harmony and peace, and avoid creating conflict and pain, you will be fine.

Rights and rituals cannot determine the place one is born as in Asi,bandhaka,putta Sutta. But one can offer merit to the departed.

(a) offering to relatives,
(b) offering to guests,
(c) offering to the departed,
(d) offering to the king [the government], and
(e) offering to devas.

Adiya Sutta
Offering you ones departed relative can be material or practice offering with strong thoughts of passing merit before, during and after making the offering.

In some traditions, two different types of offerings are identified:

material or hospitality offerings (Pali: amisa-puja or sakkara-puja)
practice offerings (Pali: patipatti-puja[17])

In this context, material offerings are considered external offerings of "words and deeds."
Practice offerings may be manifested by practicing:

giving (Pali: dāna)
moral conduct (sīla)
meditation (samādhi)
wisdom (pañña)

In the Pali Canon, the Buddha declared practice offerings as "the best way of honoring the Buddha" and as the "supreme" offering. This is primarily an internal offering for mental development (Pali: citta, bhāvanā and samādhi).

Offering (Buddhism)

Have no fear, please read SN 55.22 for some insight from the Buddha.

"Suppose a tree were leaning toward the east, slanting toward the east, inclining toward the east. When its root is cut, which way would it fall?"
"In whichever way it was leaning, slanting, and inclining, Lord."
"In the same way, Mahanama, a disciple of the noble ones, when endowed with four qualities, leans toward Unbinding, slants toward Unbinding, inclines toward Unbinding."

You ask for "some words of comfort and lead me back to a rational mindset".  Comfort first: you're grieving for someone close to you.  It's difficult and it takes time.  It will be some weeks or months before you feel like your usual self, and this is natural.  I'd encourage you to focus on self-care before you try to help others.  Talking to a good friend will help, as will talking to a professional who is outside the situation: lily's answer has some good suggestions.  I am very sorry to hear of your loss.  The first weeks are the most difficult, and the feelings will get less intense over time.
Now rationality.  Being completely rational is deeply scary, it's a very challenging way to live your life.  Your analysis of the situation is already very rational!  But perhaps you're making some wrong assumptions about the purpose of the rituals.
I'm relatively new to Buddhism, but I'm already seeing that there are many types of Buddhism, and there's a big difference between the "pure" teachings of the Buddha and the "folk" Buddhism that comes with many layers of tradition, ritual and superstition.  Others have already quoted some relevant scriptures.  In the long term I think it will help if you can keep clear in your mind which teachings and beliefs come directly from the Buddha and which are mixed in from other sources.  You can be part of a religion without taking on 100% of the beliefs of the people around you.  But this is a long term project, and you might need to work through your grief before you can start changing your understanding of Buddhism.

My original belief used to be that as long as you are a decent good person without any intentions to hurt others, you'll be fine.
Yes it's good -- ethical -- to intend to be harmless.
The last bit, the corollary -- i.e. that "you will be" this or that -- I treat that as being a bit unknowable:

because the future doesn't exist
because it may presume a continuous self (e.g. that there is a "you now" and a "you later")
because it presumes that existence is and remains controllable and as we want it to be, but that kind of thinking might lead to craving and attachment and desire for becoming and ... problems

Perhaps for any action you're supposed to ask,

Will doing this be skilful or unskilful?
Is doing this skilful or unskilful?
Was doing this skilful or unskilful?

But obsessing about what the goal (the future) will look like is maybe less important than paying attention to the path (the present and the vehicle).
Meaning that no matter what religion you follow, no matter how flawed you are as a person (stubborn, short-tempered, basically all the imperfections of a human), you will not be damned to hell.
I think there's two aspects to it.
In order to "have no intention to hurt others" you might want to train yourself to reduce your flaws. If for example you're short-tempered and don't train yourself then you might get into situations or relationships where anger increases and something unpleasant (a metaphorical "hell" if not a literal one) might be a consequence.
So perhaps you shouldn't be telling yourself, "It's OK to be short-tempered -- it's perfectly justified, and especially with him because I don't like him!"
On the other hand I think the proper consequence of a flaw is "remorse", for example telling yourself, "On that occasion I allowed myself to be short-tempered. I see that had consequences, that was unskilful of me, I resolve not to make the same mistake again in future." -- I wouldn't describe this consequence as "hell", instead I think you'd describe it as remorse, training, maybe the beginning of wisdom.
To me, it used to be that there are so many religions and so many hells and heavens that comes with them, but they teach one main thing: to love and to be kind, and that would be all that we had to follow.
Yes.
Technically, Christianity for example has two commandments (i.e. love God and love your neighbour).
I think that in Buddhism, being kind to your neighbour is very good, but people are also taught to try to emulate the Buddha or to begin to follow the path or training he laid out -- to pacify the mind -- to see dukkha, its origination and cessation -- to let go of hindrances and fetters, and wrong "views", to make right effort and so on.
there were so many things to follow (offering incense, chanting etc.) to ensure she moves on
I think these rites are intended to benefit the living.
Say a Buddhist that doesn't have a family who knows to follow these customs/a Buddhist with no family/a person of any other religion?
Yes.
In DN 16 the Buddha tells people something like,

Dwell making yourselves your island (support), making yourselves your
refuge, and not anyone else as your refuge.

I don't want to downplay the importance of good friends and so on, but still.
It feels like we're all comforting ourselves that my grandma is resting in peace now, but this huge part of me has this crippling fear that my grandma (as well as the rest of us) will not rest in peace and instead be suffering at the end of our lives for being imperfect humans.
Perhaps I'm wrong, I think that Buddhist doctrine says that the "suffering" for a good but imperfect human is to be reborn -- not in hell but for example to be reborn human.
I start having this intense fear of doing virtually anything as a human
I think you're supposed to distinguish right from wrong. So do things because they're kind, or necessary, wise, good for you -- and don't do things which are motivated by anger and other hindrances.
I'm afraid of wanting to strive for anything
I think that "striving", making an effort, isn't inherently bad -- for example the noble eightfold path includes "right effort". So striving to be kind, for example ...
ranting about any dissatisfaction, feeling upset by things
Maybe "ranting" isn't a good habit -- like if someone insults, your "hitting" them wouldn't be a good habit, a good training.
Instead maybe reflection, "from what cause did this dissatisfaction arise, what now would be a good intention and course of action?"
I feel so crippled by the fear I wake up unhappy and afraid to live and afraid to die as well.
That sounds canonical.
The translation of the four noble truths, as I first learned them, talked about craving -- "the craving to have what you can't have, the craving to keep what you can't keep, the craving to live, even the craving to die" -- all, different forms of craving.
And I think that Buddhists see "lust" and "aversion", and so maybe "craving" and "fear", as two sides of the same coin -- i.e. perhaps you fear something because you crave its opposite.
But craving is suffering -- and it may be associated with a "wrong view" somehow -- a wrong view about whether something is desirable, about the proper way to relate with it, and wrong view about the self perhaps.
I think that the best bits of Buddhist doctrine -- the bits which help me most -- are the "four noble truths" and the doctrine of anatta (though I also like that it's not separate from inter-personal ethics and praises e.g. harmlessness).
there is no forgiveness like there is in Christianity
Perhaps I'm wrong but I do think there is.
In (at least one major school of) Christianity I think that forgiveness follows from "confession of sin", e.g. "I did X, which I now see is wrong, I repent and I resolve not to do it again, so please forgive me, thank you."
I think that Buddhism is the same, except that it's people who do the forgiving -- i.e. people forgive each other and even forgive themselves -- see the first few verses of the Dhammapada, for example -- though perhaps with a bit less "I" and so on than in Christianity).
I think that in Buddhism the "root" of the problem is seen to be "ignorance", so i.e. "I did wrong" or "This or that bad thing happened", "because of ignorance" or "because I was ignorant", and "knowing better now, the cause of that bad thing (i.e. ignorance) no longer exists and that bad thing won't arise again in future".
That just makes me feel the whole religion is so scary like one misstep or one imperfection as a human, and you'll be damned.
There's a sutta -- Lonaphala Sutta: The Salt Crystal (AN 3.99) -- which talks about going to hell for a trifling deed:

"Monks, for anyone who says, 'In whatever way a person makes kamma, that is how it is experienced,' there is no living of the holy life, there is no opportunity for the right ending of stress. But for anyone who says, 'When a person makes kamma to be felt in such & such a way, that is how its result is experienced,' there is the living of the holy life, there is the opportunity for the right ending of stress.
"There is the case where a trifling evil deed done by a certain individual takes him to hell. There is the case where the very same sort of trifling deed done by another individual is experienced in the here & now, and for the most part barely appears for a moment.
"Now, a trifling evil deed done by what sort of individual takes him to hell? There is the case where a certain individual is undeveloped in [contemplating] the body, undeveloped in virtue, undeveloped in mind, undeveloped in discernment: restricted, small-hearted, dwelling with suffering. A trifling evil deed done by this sort of individual takes him to hell.
"Now, a trifling evil deed done by what sort of individual is experienced in the here & now, and for the most part barely appears for a moment? There is the case where a certain individual is developed in [contemplating] the body, developed in virtue, developed in mind, developed in discernment: unrestricted, large-hearted, dwelling with the immeasurable.[1] A trifling evil deed done by this sort of individual is experienced in the here & now, and for the most part barely appears for a moment.
"Suppose that a man were to drop a salt crystal into a small amount of water in a cup. What do you think? Would the water in the cup become salty because of the salt crystal, and unfit to drink?"
"Yes, lord. Why is that? There being only a small amount of water in the cup, it would become salty because of the salt crystal, and unfit to drink."
"Now suppose that a man were to drop a salt crystal into the River Ganges. What do you think? Would the water in the River Ganges become salty because of the salt crystal, and unfit to drink?"
"No, lord. Why is that? There being a great mass of water in the River Ganges, it would not become salty because of the salt crystal or unfit to drink."
"In the same way, there is the case where a trifling evil deed done by one individual [the first] takes him to hell; and there is the case where the very same sort of trifling deed done by the other individual is experienced in the here & now, and for the most part barely appears for a moment.

And so on. I think the first paragraph says that if you did go to hell for a trifling deed then there'd be no point in "living the holy life" -- but that's not what happens, if you live the holy life then any trifling bad deed is experience in the moment.
I'm an anxious person. I get fixated on things.
Well I don't know.
Maybe that suggests you should practice non-fixation -- and/or fixate on good things (like being kind -- encouraging your mum to be kind to others too, to be in situations where she can be kind, if you see an opportunity to).
Also the opposite of "fear" might be confidence or faith -- e.g. confidence in the refuge[s], confidence in the three jewels.
Reading about hell and so on might be like reading about diseases -- it can make some people fearful. Instead you might want to read about what's "healthy" and what's good, including what's "praised by the wise" and so on.

As someone who lost my grandmother about 4 to 5 years ago. Let me share my experience to see if it can help you.
"but throughout her 5-day funeral service, there were so many things to follow (offering incense, chanting etc.) to ensure she moves on"
" While reciting some of the scriptures, though difficult, I briefly read something about how humans are imperfect for wanting good things, being lustful, and basically all the things in human nature that makes us flawed and of course, all the very specific different kinds of hell that comes with."
First of all, do you mind if I ask you whether you attended a Chinese Buddhist funeral service? I am familiar with Thai and Chinese Buddhist funerals. And I suspect that it is the Chinese Buddhist funeral, because you were able to read the scriptures even though you had minimal experience with Buddhist practice. (Thai Buddhist funerals generally involved monks chanting the Abhidhamma in Pali while most attendees looked on.)
In the Chinese Buddhist tradition, the most common scriptures associate with funerals are the Amitabha Sutra 阿彌陀經 and Ksitigarbha (Dizang) Sutra 地藏經. It is the latter that has chapters dedicated to describing various hells that people end up in.
Now back to my own experience. When my grandmother was passing away, it occurred agonizingly over a number of days where she lay dying surrounded by her children and grandchildren. I was advised by my own teacher to repeatedly chant the Amitabha Sutra and dedicate merits to her. At that time I was still fairly new to the practice, but it gave me a meaningful purpose. There was actually something I could do for her rather than to feel helpless in the hopes that it will benefit her in the afterlife somehow. Although she never quite had that peaceful death as her organs slowly fail and her struggle to breath throughout the ordeal, my father was convinced that when I chanted the Great Compassion Mantra 大悲咒 his mother felt better. When she finally passed, although filled with sadness I was also relieved that at least this suffering is over. While my cousins sobbed and cried, and my brother felt angry that prayers to save her did nothing, I felt like I have done something worthwhile.
In the Chinese Buddhist (and apparently Tibetan), it is said that the dead have an intermediate stage of 49 days if they do not have particularly strong karma for a destination for rebirth to go where they need. This allow mourners to perform meritorious deeds and dedicate the merits to them. And that's what I did, chant for her through out that 49 days, reminding myself to dedicate the merits to her. Some people might argue that each person's karma is their own and others cannot influence it, but if we believe that we can do things for another person in this life, perhaps we can also help them along in the next. And it works, by the end of the 7 weeks, I was happy, believing I have done the best I can for grandma.
Indeed, my Buddhist practice only grew throughout the years, I went on monastic and meditation retreats as a novice monk, did many volunteer contribution to my community. I even went on to get married and have a baby boy. And I attribute the practice I did for my grandmother to becoming the person I am today.
Indeed the Ksitigarbha Sutra contain a relevant famous story of the Brahmin girl. A previous incarnation of Ksitigarbha, the Bodhisattva of Great Vow/ Aspiration. The gist of the story is that in the long distant past, a lovely Brahmin girl was born into a wealthy family and she was very pious towards the Buddha (not the current Buddha, the story is set in the immeasurable past). However, her mother has Wrong View and always slander the Buddha. The Brahmin girl loved her mother, but became concerned of her behavior. Eventually her mother dies, and the Brahmin girl was anguished fearing that her mother will befall a bad fate. So she sold her possessions and use them to buy all the incense and lamps to offer to the Buddha. At the temple, she had a vision of the Buddha who told her to go home and meditate on his holy name, so that she may know her mother's whereabouts. That night, she found herself descending to a horrifying place, an ocean of suffering. With beings fighting and tormenting each other. She asked a demon where and how she ended up here. The demon replied, ah, Great Bodhisattva, this is the ocean towards the hells, and there are two ways to get here, either through evil karma, or like yourself through the immense power of your vows. The Brahmin girl asked if her mother is here. The demon replied, do not worry, while your mother was here, thanks to the merits you have dedicated, she has been released and ascended into the heavens. While the Brahmin girl was relieved, she saw that there are many more beings suffering in hell, and realized that at one time or another, they had all been her mother in a previous life, and resolved to free them all from suffering. In the present life, the Brahmin girl is the Great Bodhisattva of Great Vow Ksitigarbha, and her mother as well as the demon have also become bodhisattvas. The message is that great bodhisattvas are people who selflessly face suffering themselves so they can save people from suffering as if they were their own mothers. (You can find an animation of this story here The story of Ksitigarbha Brahman Girl on Youtube, be warn that the hellish scenes at the beginning are violent and rather disturbing).
Do not despair, be a lamp that light a path for yourself and others!

Yes, you seem to have almost the same exact experience as me! We are still in the process of the 49 days too. The monks have instructed us to gather every '7th' day to peform chanting and rituals for my grandmother. And I recognize that it is called the 地藏经 too!

Great, I didn't know for sure, but I just had a feeling that you went through a similar experience. 地藏經 is hard work, I am still far from being familiar with it since it takes 3 hours to chant and I could never be discipline enough to devote that time without doing it with everyone at the temple. However 阿彌陀經 shouldn't take more than 20 minutes to chant through so that can easily be your daily practice.

Indeed I think it is meritorious that you are having an emotional reaction to these sutras. People have reported crying and various experiences while chanting these text. I generally find a sense of calm and clarity after having chanted, but have shed tears during repentance ceremonies.

In general, the Buddha taught two types of Dhamma, namely:
(i) Dhamma for monks; and
(ii) dhamma for lay people.
The Dhamma for monks (and for a minority of very committed laypeople) is about ending lust and leads to Nibbana.
The dhamma for laypeople is about being good (non-harmful) and leads to 'heaven', as follows:

The ascetics (monks) and brahmans thus ministered to as the Zenith by a householder show their compassion towards him in six ways:
(i) they restrain him from evil,
(ii) they persuade him to do good,
(iii) they love him with a kind heart,
(iv) they make him hear what he has not heard,
(v) they clarify what he has already heard,
(vi) they point out the path to a heavenly state.
Sigalovada Sutta: The Layperson's Code of Discipline

The path to the heavenly state above is to honor the Buddha, Dhamma & Noble Sangha and to follow the Five Precepts, as explained in the Abhisanda Sutta: Rewards:

Monks, there are these eight rewards of merit, rewards of skillfulness, nourishments of happiness, celestial, resulting in happiness, leading to heaven, leading to what is desirable, pleasurable & appealing, to welfare & happiness. Which eight?
1. Gone to the Buddha for refuge...
2. Gone to the Dhamma for refuge...
3. Gone to the Sangha for refuge...
4. Abstains from taking life...
5. Abstains from taking what is not given (stealing)...
6. Abstains from illicit sex...
7. Abstains from lying...
8. Abstains from taking intoxicants [causing carelessness]...

Other Buddhist practises leading to heaven include generosity (Iti 26) & honoring parents (Iti 106).

Having given much food as offerings
To those most worthy of offerings,
The donors go to heaven
On departing the human state.
Having gone to heaven they rejoice,
And enjoying pleasures there,
The unselfish experience the result
Of generously sharing with others.
Iti 26

When he performs such service
For his mother and his father,
They praise that wise person even here
And hereafter he rejoices in heaven.
Iti 106

Therefore, you can and should cheer your mother up, treat yourselves to nice meals and desserts, watch movies and basically have some fun. This, in itself, will not prevent you from heaven.