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4 foundations of mindfulness
I'm a bit confused about when and how I am supposed to practice each of the four foundations?  Do I do it all at the same time or do I break it down into different activities etc? Can someone please clarify?

In becoming a Bhikku with an idea of performing the practice of breathing towards samatha and vipassana (calm and insight) without first attempting kayagata-satipatthana (mindfulness as regards the body), resembles an owner who yokes the still untamed bullock (an adult bovine animal) to the cart or plough without the nose-rope. Such an owner would find oneself unable to drive the bullock at his desire. Because the bullock is wild, and because it has no nose-rope, it will either try to run off the road, or try to break loose by breaking the yoke. So first and foremost comes the practice of Mindfulness of Body – Kayanupassana.
Practice of mindfulness of body is to overcome the drudgery of binding concepts and views that we form about it.  To see the body as it is and to realize what it actually is.  So instead of looking at this body as a beautiful body, ugly body or eternal body a person learns to look at the body as it is and avoid the mental pains that are caused by looking at it otherwise. There are four major sections in the satipattana sutta. In Anapanasati – one gets to these steps in its correct order:
(1) mindfulness of body (kayanupassana)
(2) mindfulness of feelings (vedananupassana)
(3) mindfulness of mind (chittanupassana)
(4) mindfulness of mental behaviors (dhammanupassana).
Within the first major section on mindfulness of body there are five meditation methods.
(1) mindfulness of breathing (anapanasati)
(2) mindfulness of postures (iriyapatha)
(3) refelection on internal and external impurities and other vital parts (kunapa)
(4) analysis of four elements (dathu)
(5) reflection on nine stages of a dead body (nava seevaththika)
In Anapanasati, with the development of kayanupassana the meditator is in a position to bring vedananupassana to completion. Contemplation of feelings is nothing but becoming mindful of feelings: pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Here he remains focused on feelings in and of themselves, ardent and mindful. By concentrating on anapanasati to a higher degree, he then brings the cittanupassana to its culmination.  Now he would start to develop dhammanupassana (contemplation of mind contents). To explain how to go about practicing each of these factors is not possible as it will take a lot more than a paragraph or two for each.

If you're feeling confused, then asking a question here might not be the best approach to solve your problem. All you get is more information and different suggestions. They'll probably just make you think more, and as a result you get more confused.
I noticed that when I am confused what often helps is to find sources for instructions and clarification that I can trust in. For example the original teachings of the Buddha (online translations can be read at accesstoinsight.org or suttacentral.net), texts/audio/video from a well known Buddhist Theravada Monk (Bhikkhu Bodhi, Yuttadhammo Bhikkhu, Ajahn Sumedho, Ajan Jayasaro ...) or even better personal contact to one or some other experienced Buddhist practitioner.

Thanks I've tried all the things suggested and I've arrive at the point where there are just so many different and conflicting views and opinions that it's kind of turning me off buddhism as its beginning to look like every other religion in the sense that all the different varieties and sects claim that only their way is the truth.   I really feel that I have done everything I have been instructed to do for so long yet it just feels so pointless sitting there looking at breath for all this time. I get more fulfilment from going to gym. Sitting is  an exercise in frustration most of the time.

Basic satipatthana formula is

a monk dwells exertive, clearly aware, mindful,
observing the ____{body | feelings | mind | dhamma} in the ____{body | feelings | mind | dhamma},
removing covetousness and displeasure in regard to the world;

Mahā Sati’patthāna Sutta
The key here is removing covetousness and displeasure in regard to the world, that is you do not react to pleasant sensation with craving of unpleasant sensation with aversion, whatever the 4 frame of reference it originates from. More details see this answer and these answers.

Welcome back. There were a couple of new question about S.N.Goenka, here and here, in case you'd like to answer those as well.

The four foundations of mindfulness are in the Satipatthana Sutta & Anapanasati Sutta.
The Satipatthana Sutta is merely a list of disconnected teachings and it is highly unlikely the Buddha spoke the Satipatthana Sutta in its current form.
As for the Anapanasati Sutta, it logically describes the fruition or unfolding of the four foundations of mindfulness one after eachother in terms of path fruition.
For example, when the breathing is calmed, rapture will arise. Rapture & happiness (feelings) become the predominant meditation object & replace the breathing as the primary meditation object (even though the breathing remains a secondary or anchor meditation object).
Therefore, contemplation of feelings (vedanupassana) must occur after kayanupassana (contemplation of bodies)
Every stage of the Anapanasati Sutta is practised with awareness of breathing, including contemplation of the mind (cittanupassana), as explicitly stated in the sutta.
Therefore, if the practitioner loses awareness of breathing or loses concentration, that is not the practise of anapanasati.
What this means is being vaguely of aware of all kinds of distracting thoughts & emotions is not the practise of cittanupasana.
Cittanupasana is something deeply profound & occurs with concentration (samadhi).

I know what the 4Fs are.  Thanks for explaining but that wasn't really my question though.

I answered your question. The satupatthana are not practised at the same time but practised one after each other. The practise of the later saitpatthana depends on the practise of the former. If the breathing is not calmed, rapture cannot arise. If rapture is not calmed, the citta cannot arise. If the citta is not liberated from impurities, 100% contemplation of impermanence & nirodha cannot occur. Regards.

In other Buddhist source I learnt, it's said that in practising breathing meditation the attention should be paid at the interval of the in/out breathes - the part that's non-breathing. The longer this non-breathing lasts the more concentrated one achieved. In/out breathes are sychronizing with the flicking mind, once the mind is calmed, the breathes naturally will be smooth and long in accordance. But forcing the non-breathing to last is an over-doing.

The 4 foundations of mindfulness according to Wikipedia:
- mindfulness of the body;
- mindfulness of feelings or sensations (vedanā);
- mindfulness of mind or consciousness (citta); and
- mindfulness of dhammās.

Do I do it all at the same time

No. Mindfulness means being concentrated on one thing at one moment. If you are practising "Mindfulness of Dharmas (法)", your meditation is solely rest on contemplating the Dharma. For example, you choose "Anatta" this Dharma to contemplate, any moment when your feeling (pain, comfort, cold and hot...) of the body arose, you contemplate "Anatta", i.e., the feeling is not me, it's my body feels; the body is not me, it's composed of flesh and bone maintained by feeding on food... Anatta.
The difference of whether you are doing "Mindfulness of Vedana" or "Mindfulness of Dharma" here is, that in doing Mindfulness of Vedana, your contemplation is on the feelings. But the other practise is, the feeling lends you to move further working the way to reach "Anatta" (this is the real Vipassana taught by the Buddha, in it one acquired wisdom). When this is mastered, one can immediately see through the veils of illusion and reach into the reality of phenomena.
My speculation is that, these four foundations they must and also not necessary be going from start to end, for we don't know if someone was a Bhikiku or Yogi - so to speak - in the previous lives; whilst some may learning all these at the first time. However, following it from basic to higher level makes logical sense. For if one cannot calm their minds, one cannot do Vipassana. However, doing Vipassana, one, in contemplation, his mind is calm - note the difference of thinking (mind chatting) and contemplation. In normal condition, the easier way to calm the mind is to be mindful of the body; the even easier is to be mindful of breathing. Depends on the practitioner's personal disposition, if one is hard to calm his mind by aiming at calm the mind, contemplate the Dharma may apply to try working the other way round. Sometimes visualization or mantra chanting could be applied to achieve Samatha (止), calm the mind, in Buddhist practice other than Theravada School's.

when and how I am supposed to practice...

Always trust yourself, we tend to underestimate how capable we are able to decide what is right for us due to years molding by education and modern doctrines imposed on us. You may try all out first, get a feeling of each; or do one of it for ascribed period, or choose one to work to reach certain achievement then switch.

do I break it down into different activities

The Buddha concluded that with the body confinement we could perform 4 activities and only: 1)walk 行; 2)stand 住; 3)sit 坐; 4)recline 卧. Each of these activities can be used to practice each of the foundations of mindfulness. However, I found that Mindfulness of Dharma could conveniently be applied when one is engaging in daily going-by, whilst mindful of breathing is harder.

I don't understand what you mean by contemplate the dharmas??  You mean I sit there and when I feel a sensation I say to myself "this is not me, this is the body, the body is not me" ?    So I actually say this in my mind like a thought?

No. When Buddha taught the Dharma such as "Anatta", "Impermanence", "12 Nidanas", these are what Buddha realized (seen) in his meditation. Now as a student we follow him step by step, and "realize" the Dharma as how he did. When we say "Anatta", Anatta is just a word, it doesn't endorse us it's intrinsic value and "extend" us - wisdom. It's a set of sounds and letters, added only one new vocabulary or term. Buddha has a clever phrase: 說食不飽 (talk about eating won't feed anyone), that's good to describe this.

Now in your comment "I say to myself...", I can see that you are not yet getting it. The difference is like, a complex equation one used a calculator and produced the correct answer, meanwhile, one used paper and pen computed the same answer; this same person, by using calculator, he produced the answer, is like when you "I say to myself"; the one computed the answer on paper, is contemplation. Now you can see what's going on differently on these two sets of minds.

Note that doing it on paper is prompt to error, with practice one can coming closer to accurate. Now Buddha gave out the correct answer: Dharmas, the student doing this keep referring to the answer to check how he is going.

To give demonstration how to continue this "Anatta" contemplation I will further present my steps: the flesh and bone is not me, it renews constantly by shedding off old cells replacing new ones; now is this thinking me? This thinking is not me for I am reporting this thinking, there can't be two me(s). Is this "I am" me? This "I am" is not me...

Up to writing this part I was stuck, I couldn't go further. Then I thought, maybe just leave it here, it's more natural for one is unable to realize the Dharma at once normally.

However, to avoid having the wrong impression that this doesn't work, I took a break then contemplate further... If this "I am" is me, it must exist at now. What is now? The moment passed follows by the next moment, the moment called "now" can never be captured and analyzed, verily there is no "now"; further, if the "now" does exist in a blink of eyes between the moment passed and next, how long the duration is this "now"? 1 second, 1/2 second? 1/2 of the 1/2 second so on and so forth... surely it will be endless to find the "now" - the now can't be found, no such moment called "now"...

... If there is no "now", "I am" can't exist... "Anatta". Well that's my steps to solve this complex equation. Anyone may have their own steps. And I can't be completely accurate in all the steps, and it could also be that I just at the end of my steps put the given answer "Anatta" to the equation. As we know, with practice, one can arrive at the answer with lesser and lesser steps, unto a moment one could immediately give the correct answer when looking at the same set of equation though it's written in varying formats.

... that's how wisdom acquired. Of import is that one may not be able to arrive at the answer all at once. If it is so, keep contemplating that step one is stuck to work through (like the Ch'an Koan practice, those flocks are doing this actually, in rough description). Meanwhile, throw away my steps, do it yourself if you like to work on "Anatta", like students learning new skill by closing the textbook and answer it themselves. If you are not able or don't like to work "Anatta", choose others, "Impermanence" maybe more suitable to begin with.

The Dharma told by the Buddha is like a sharp knife, and is given to the followers. However, if one doesn't take the knife in hand but let it sit on the display, it only decorates the room, not really in use. The same is those who learnt and remembered the words only. Wisdom is sharpness that cut through ignorance and illusion, Great Bodhisattva Manjurshari is depicted with a sword raising his hand in readily gesture.

Now it's not all are ready to acquire wisdom, for modern people oppressed by the pressure and suffering of lives, immediate effect are more appealing. Thus people tend to prefer breathing, feeling contemplation etc. Also not a lot of people are born with ready mind capacity to do Dharma Contemplation. And Mindfulness of Dharma is so wrongly understood as far as I read the Wikipedia page and suspect those sects called "Vipassana Meditation Movement" their interpretation.

The immediate benefit for doing the other such as breathing, feeling contemplation is that it calms the mind, it cures bodily ailments, further, it adjust one's mind, if one does it correctly.

How do I know all these? I'm not repeating any other's words. No Buddhist teacher gives me direct teaching, though I could be from time to time inspired by few really good ones with one or two of their thoughts that I read in open sources.

I representing none of the Buddhist sects though I'm quite offended by some Theravadists' claim of their authenticity and disparaging teachings they don't have knowledge of. If I have to say, the Dharma of Buddha, the Sutras and the Buddhist Treatises written by such as Nagarjuna cultivated me. Now it's your right and liberty to treat my words in whatever way you like.

It's all sounding way too complicated and confusing.  I don't really feel any clearer about this


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metta, anxiety, and anger
I have been practicing mindful breathing for about one or two sittings a day, and done a few retreats. I have a big problem with metta, even directed at myself. after trying to practice metta I often find myself in a very angered state of mind, even rage, especially at friends for various reasons regarding my life.
The background to the anger seems to be that they do not really care for me and just want me to be synchronized with their hobbies or lifestyles which are usually high achievement based . the background is that my personal life is much more crisis oriented than theirs , and i am also about 10 years older than them .
I have a lot of regret for not leaving these relations and my thoughts are around those regrets , that in fact it is/was my interest to do so, and the 'tug of war' that they would have/will do with me would be based on their own interests ('tug of war' i mean things like 'you should stay in touch' or 'what going on with you?' etc...).
Do other people experience such extreme counter reaction to metta? should i continue with it ?
a bit at a loss ...
thanks.

It is normal or expected for metta practise to bring up underlying mental states of non-metta.
Also, in Buddhism, to understand the quality of our 'friends' or 'associates' is also important (refer to "foes in the guise of friends" & "warm-hearted friends" in the Sigalovada Sutta).
Many people in the world may appear 'superficial' to us, particularly if we are 'crisis oriented'.
If these 'associates' pose no inherent danger to us, we can let go of our expectations towards them and show friendship in a less-personal & more detached manner.
Most of your anger appears to be related to expectations you have towards these people that those people cannot fulfil. If so, your expectation towards them are unreasonable.
If your lifestyle has changed & you wish to associate when them less, simply say so to them.
This does not mean you cannot be there for them if they need something important from you.

Metta is not the only guardian meditation. There’s a series of other meditations guardian meditations that you can check out, which are very helpful in using skillful perceptions to get the mind in the right mood, in the right attitude, with the right understanding, as you try to be in the present moment, and well grounded. The problems that you have listed are with the mental baggage you’re carrying with you. So, someday soon you will want to open up the bags and throw out all the unnecessary weight.
There’s an image they have in Thailand of the old woman who carries around a huge bundle of straw on her back. She’s always bent over because she’s carrying so much straw. People ask her why she doesn’t put it down, and she says, “Well, someday this straw’s going to come in handy, so I’m carrying it for the day I’ll need it.” So she carries it wherever she goes. Of course there are many other things she could be carrying, but she can’t because the straw is such a huge bundle, and of course it’s pretty useless.
So it is time that you want to look into your baggage to see how much straw you’re carrying around, so that you can lighten your load. Then you can replace it with better things, things that really will be useful. And the guardian meditations are a good way of sorting things out in your baggage.

Are you practicing metta with a particular method? From what I know, most instructions don't recommend to start trying to develop metta to someone you have dislike towards, but to start with beings you can easily develop a sense of friendliness towards.
For authentic instructions you can look into the Visuddhimagga or the Suttas.
A good series of videos and guided meditation from Bhikkhu Bodhi about metta bhavana: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiaHzvWoa1Q&index=7&list=PLgu0hJSLkqCXihm1Kbb1yW6Ql-4zriweO
The approach from Mahasi Sayadaw can be found in his booklet Brahmavihara Dhamma
Also reflection can be useful, i.e.

The Simile of the saw
the metta sutta
the 11 advantages of metta (sound sleep, being loved by others, easily becoming concentrated ....)
the many disadvantages of anger (being overwhelmed, suffering, unhappy, making bad kamma, all good qualities disappear in the moment of anger ...)
...

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Meditation not linear
I've heard it said that meditation is not a linear path and that every time you sit is like the first time but that you get better at sitting for the first time.  If this is the case and you don't actually make gains in a linear way then can it also be said that if you stop doing it that you will not go backwards or lose what you have learnt because you didn't go anywhere to begin with?

Expecting gains leads to dukkha. I think you are over intellectualizing an idea which is supposed to help people to stop expecting gains.

The first claim is made from experience, but your counter claim "if you stop doing it that you will not go backwards" is just a guess really. Going different directions can certainly behave differently ways.

Meditation is not linear, as it involves the whole of ourselves. There is one part/side of us that is connected to our rationality, logic, linear thinking, and understanding. The other side of us is connected to feelings, nurturing, caring, compassion, love, and all the emotional qualities. This is how our right and left hemisphere in the brain is programed. The left side of the brain processes information in a linear manner. It processes from part to whole. It takes pieces, lines them up, and arranges them in a logical order; then it draws conclusions. The right brain however, processes from whole to parts, holistically.
Intellectual understanding about meditation is never the same as the actual experience of it.  It is similar to that of having to bite into a mango to know its taste. We can read everything that there is about a mango – that it can be sweet, delicious, soft, etc. but we cannot imagine its taste unless we get the feeling of the mango on our tongue and have the personal experience. Then we can no longer debate whether the mango is sweet or not, because we have experienced the truth. This is the difference between just thinking or thinking coupled with the experience of feeling.
Once the meditator goes beyond the second Jhana level, the internal thinking comes to a stop, and memory of past experiences never come up.  From there on there is no such thing as a linear process.  From there on it is total awareness in staying with the breath. This is being one with your meditation.   This is ekaggata, as in ekaggatarammana, oneness of preoccupation, or singleness of preoccupation; and ekaggatacitta, singleness of mind. This kind of oneness applies to all levels of jhana. It means being focused on one thing, like the breath. You stay steadily focused on it, at the same time making it the one thing filling your range of awareness.

While your question appears rational, I will argue that it is not and conclude with an answer to the spirit of your question based on canonical sources.  Your question is presented in two clauses.  Therefore:
First, I believe it is critical to suffer through a deconstruction of your reasoning.  Second, as meditation is ill-defined here, this answer will presume the broadest non-technique specific definition inclusive of samatha and vipassana.  Third, as I believe you have been exposed to a teaching out of context, I will attempt to rein in the exuberance of composition present in your question with some doctrine.

I've heard it said that meditation is not a linear path and that every
  time you sit is like the first time but that you get better at sitting
  for the first time.

What you have heard is not unreasonable.  It is a teaching that desperately needs context.  Linearity is a rational property (relationship or function) that represents directional succession of measurable intervals.  Linearity is a concept present in math, art, science, logic, and music.  In the broadest sense, for linearity to be rational, there must exist one of two conditions: 1) an origin and a destination or 2) an origin and a directional vector.  In order for linearity to be captured or shared in any meaningful or actionable way, there must be rational measurement.
Briefly, as to origin, it is generally safe to presume for argumentation in this context that the origin is the you of now.  But this is not as trivial as it may appear.  Because the you of now is not the same you of the now just a moment ago when you began this paragraph.  "Is this you of the now more or less informed than a hypothetical you at another now?"  Put another way, "How are the things unknown to you different now than at any other moment?"  Or in the form of a koan, "What do I not know?"  You are not static and thus neither is you as an origin.  The now shatters the illusory origin and makes both destinations and vectors equally fantastic.  All we have is now.
There is also the notion that linearity is singular; that is, it cannot represent multiple measurements or states simultaneously.  And briefly stipulating to quantum mechanics, it is certainly possible to argue the possibility of infinite, omni-directional linearity, but then if one has reached such a conclusion, such infinite linearity, when aggregated to now, is self-canceling; such that, linearity is again moot.

If this is the case and you don't actually make gains in a linear way
  then can it also be said that if you stop doing it that you will not
  go backwards or lose what you have learnt because you didn't go
  anywhere to begin with?

As to gains, your premise begins with a fallacy -- that, "gains" (or progress, development, cultivation) are dependent on linearity.  This premise does not withstand scrutiny because it presumes to the singular; that gains are not gains if they are do not fall within a specific succession of measurable intervals.
Additionally, in this context forward and backward are value judgments.  If we suspend judgment then "backwards" simply indicates gain of a different sort, which is entirely possible.  However, it can not be substantiated that lack of effort results in regression (negative gains) simply because gains are correlated to effort.  It is far more reasonable to assert that effort results in gain and non-effort results in non-gain.

While interesting for some, I respect this may be a bit mind-numbing for others. So what does this mean in a more doctrinal sense?
The first time we sit, everything is new and we are confronted by the unknown.  As we sit, we cultivate.  What is cultivation?  Cultivation is at the heart of "right effort" (Samma Vayama) and "right concentration" (Samma Samadhi).

We begin not knowing what we do not know (the unrisen).  In our
  sitting, something unknown (unrisen) may become known to us (arise
  within).  This may be something as simple as a whisp in the wind of
  the passing monkey mind activity.  Or it may be as complex as the
  (re)introduction to sense experience.  Or it may be something entirely
  personal or unique to that particular place in time.  Once arisen, we
  gain awareness.  With awareness, we have less claim to the mental
  fermentation associated with ignorance and are charged to be heedful.

(MN 2 Sabbasava Sutta)

Our right effort suggests four great endevours: 1) to prevent the
  arising of unarisen unwholesome states; 2) to abandon unwholesome
  states that have already arisen; 3) to arouse wholesome states that
  have not yet arisen; 4) to maintain and perfect wholesome states
  already arisen.

(DN33,AN4.13)

"The Buddha recommended the four supreme efforts as skillful means.
  They are called 'supreme' because they are supremely difficult and
  supremely beneficial."

"Being Nobody, Going Nowhere: The Foundation of Buddhist Thought", Volume 3, By Geshe Tashi Tsering, Ayya Khema

"For a disciple who has conviction in the Teacher's message & lives to
  penetrate it, what accords with the Dhamma is this: 'Gladly would I
  let the flesh & blood in my body dry up, leaving just the skin,
  tendons, & bones, but if I have not attained what can be reached
  through human firmness, human persistence, human striving, there will
  be no relaxing my persistence.'"

MN 70 Kitagiri Sutta

Our right concentration suggests exertion activates five mental
  factors.  Stated in their usual order the five are: initial
  application of mind (vitakka), sustained application of mind (vicara),
  rapture (piti), happiness (sukha), and one-pointedness (ekaggata).
  When concentration is cultivated, these five factors arise and
  counteract the five hindrances.  Each mental factor factor opposes a
  particular hindrance.  1) Initial application of mind, through its
  work of lifting the mind up, counters dullness and drowsiness.  2)
  Sustained application, by anchoring the mind, drives away doubt.  3)
  Rapture denies ill will, 4) happiness excludes restlessness and worry,
  and 5) one-pointedness counters sensual desire, which may arguably be
  the most alluring inducement to distraction.  Thus, with the
  strengthening of the absorption factors, the hindrances fade out and
  subside.

The Path of Purification, Visuddhimagga 88-109
So, in conclusion, speaking to the spirit of your question:
Cultivation and practice is both sufficient and necessary to (using your word) "make gains".  Lack of effort may be a sufficient condition for unrisen unwholesomeness, but it is not a necessary condition.  Can one lose or forget what one has learned?  Certainly.  But one may just as easily forget to apply/practice what one has learned without losing the learning.
If one is judging outcomes, meditate on the difference between not knowledge and practice.

Ajaan Fuang Jotiko has some relevant advice for you in the compilation "Awareness Itself" (compiled and translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu):

§ "The mind is like a king. Its moods are like his ministers. Don't be
  a king who's easily swayed by his court."
§ One meditator noticed that his practice under Ajaan Fuang was making
  quick progress, and so he asked what the next step would be. "I'm not
  going to tell you," Ajaan Fuang said. "Otherwise you'll become the
  sort of amazing marvel who knows everything before he meets with it,
  and masters everything before he's tried his hand. Just keep
  practicing and you'll find out on your own."
§ "You can't plan the way your practice is going to go. The mind has
  its own steps and stages, and you have to let the practice follow in
  line with them. That's the only way you'll get genuine results.
  Otherwise you'll turn into a half-baked arahant."
§ "Don't make a journal of your meditation experiences. If you do,
  you'll start meditating in order to have this or that thing happen, so
  that you can write it down in your journal. And as a result, you'll
  end up with nothing but the things you've fabricated."
§ A young nurse practiced meditation with Ajaan Fuang several days
  running, and finally asked him one day, "Why wasn't today's session as
  good as yesterday's?"
He answered: "Meditating is like wearing clothes. Today you wear
  white, tomorrow red, yellow, blue, whatever. You have to keep
  changing. You can't wear the same set of clothes all the time. So
  whatever color you're wearing, just be aware of it. Don't get
  depressed or excited about it."
§ A few months later the same nurse was sitting in meditation when a
  sense of peace and clarity in her mind became so intense that she felt
  she would never have a bad mood infiltrate her mind again. But sure
  enough, bad moods eventually came back as before. When she mentioned
  this to Ajaan Fuang, he said, "Looking after the mind is like raising
  a child. There will have to be bad days along with the good. If you
  want only the good, you're in for trouble. So you have to play
  neutral: Don't fall in with the good or the bad."
§ "When the meditation goes well, don't get excited. When it doesn't
  go well, don't get depressed. Simply be observant to see why it's
  good, why it's bad. If you can be observant like this, it won't be
  long before your meditation becomes a skill."
§ One day a young woman was sitting in meditation with Ajaan Fuang and
  everything seemed to go well. Her mind was clear and relaxed, and she
  could contemplate the elements in her body as he told her, step by
  step, with no problem at all. But the next day, nothing went right.
  After the session was over, he asked her, "How did it go today?"
She answered, "Yesterday I felt as if I were smart, today I feel like
  I'm stupid."
So he asked her further, "Are the smart person and the stupid person
  the same person or not?"
§ A student came to complain to Ajaan Fuang that she had been
  meditating for years, and still hadn't gotten anything out of it. His
  immediate response: "You don't meditate to 'get' anything. You
  meditate to let go."
§ The seamstress, after practicing meditation with Ajaan Fuang for
  several months, told him that her mind seemed more of a mess than it
  was before she began meditating. "Of course it does," he told her.
  "It's like your house. If you polish the floor every day, you won't be
  able to stand the least little bit of dust on it. The cleaner the
  house, the more easily you'll see the dirt. If you don't keep
  polishing the mind, you can let it go out and sleep in the mud without
  any qualms at all. But once you get it to sleep on a polished floor,
  then if there's even a speck of dust, you'll have to sweep it away.
  You won't be able to stand the mess."

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Reference request for "our Buddha nature chooses not to be enlightened"?
I seem to remember that Mahayana Buddhism said somewhere something along the lines of, "Our Buddha nature (or the Buddha) chooses not to be enlightened".
I am not sure if I am remembering this correctly. Does anyone know the teaching to which I am referring, and would someone be so kind as to clear this up, perhaps with some sort of quote, for me?

There are several things that may be similar to what you're asking about: for example here, and here, or here.

When a sight comes before the eyes, a sound to the ears or a smell to the nose, there is no choosing involved here in terms of seeing, hearing or smelling. The seeing, hearing & smelling occur automatically, without choosing.
Similarly, when the mind is actually getting enlightened by experiencing the truth, it is not involved in choosing.
The mind may choose to establish itself in the path, that is, choose to develop concentration. However, the path is only the path & not the destination.
Developing & establishing concentration is similar to removing dust from the eyes, wax from the ears or mucus from the nose.
When the concentration is complete, i.e., when the mind is lucidly clear, the enlightenment occurs without any choosing.

Timtak Ignorance is the root of all suffering!
That being said.First let me ask you:Do you know what meditation is?
Answer from your personal experience not by googling it.Meditation is not calming down your,and reducing your stress levels.That is a camouflage!

Answering a question with another question can be a valid form of discourse elsewhere, but it cannot be posted as an answer on this site. Also this doesn't answer the question: the OP is asking for a reference to a Mahayana quote.

Thanks ChrisW. And thanks also for clarifying my question. @Erido I do nembutsu.


text:
If matter is just an illusion what is the source of it
If whatever we see and feel in the 3-D world is just an illusion created by our minds and every matter, even an atom, is related to each other (interrelated); what is the origin of it? Since consciousness or self or "I" is also just a thought, how is matter created by the consciousness? How does the mind create it? Whenever I think of these things, I remember the mythological god, Zeus, who can create anything he wishes just by thinking about it? It feels like this is actually possible. So what could be the possible logic behind this complex knowledge?

Buddha was against this kind of intellectual discussion about consciousness, rebirth, God etc. He asked people to witness it directly through his teachings. Consciousness cannot be discerned through words. Whether consciousness has created matter or these are two different things is a matter of experience of a Buddha. I suggest you take experiential route than intellectual one. Your existence in metaphysical or physical domain will be revealed to you through his teachings.

ok, seems like their is no other choice than to do meditate again, to understand this. but i think it would be good if some one would have wrote some book about this kind of things, because it would remove peoples ignorance and material desire/craving as a result world would be more peaceful. cas people dont like to do meditation generally. but if they would have understood its meaning though their intellectual level, how selfishness and cravings results in destruction, atleast by reading some books, than it would be good.

The world itself was not an illusion to the Buddha. Rather, given the true nature of experience - Anatta and Anicca, the actions of 'I' making or 'Mine' making facilitate the illusion of a Self, hence the arising of Dukkha. The issue of origin for any thing that lacks a Self, like this existence, is that the beginning doesn't make sense. At best the beginning can't be determined.

"From an inconstruable beginning comes transmigration. A beginning point is not evident, though beings hindered by ignorance and fettered by craving are transmigrating & wandering on. When you see someone who has fallen on hard times, overwhelmed with hard times, you should conclude: 'We, too, have experienced just this sort of thing in the course of that long, long time.'
"Why is that? From an inconstruable beginning comes transmigration. A beginning point is not evident, though beings hindered by ignorance and fettered by craving are transmigrating & wandering on. Long have you thus experienced stress, experienced pain, experienced loss, swelling the cemeteries — enough to become disenchanted with all fabricated things, enough to become dispassionate, enough to be released."
-- Duggatta Sutta

Name and Form arise in dependence of Consciousness and Consciousness arises in dependence of Name and Form. https://suttacentral.net/en/dn15. No 'thing' such as matter is created to be independent. It's like the conservation laws within Physics - 'energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change forms'.
All is possible within conditionality because there is no underlying, essential demarcation line that delineates 'the impossible' from 'the possible'.

If matter is just illusion

I don't think that is Buddhist doctrine. I think that Buddhist doctrine is that we tend to view matter inappropriately or with ignorance.

what is the origin of it

I'm not sure it has an origin. That might be considered an unanswered question. Several suttas (e.g. this one) mention "inconstruable beginning", saying "A beginning point is not evident".

how is the matter being created by the conciousness

I'm not sure that matter is created by consciousness.
But "perception" (of matter) is created when consciousness, matter, and sense-organ come into contact (see e.g. here).

well than why did buddha said "thought/mind is everything, thought/mind creates everything".

You may be thinking of the first and second verses of the Dhammapada, which start with: "All mental phenomena have mind as their forerunner; they have mind as their chief; they are mind-made. If one speaks or acts with an evil mind, 'dukkha' follows him just as the wheel follows the hoofprint of the ox that draws the cart." -- when it's used in that context, people translate dhamma as (specifically) "mental states" or "mental phenomena" rather than as (generally) "everything" or "matter".

There's also a (later) "mind-only" or "consciousness-only" school of Buddhism (see Yogachara on Wikipedia); but Wikipedia says that "explains how our human experience is constructed by the mind" (which I think isn't the same as saying that "matter" or "everything" is constructed by the mind) ... or see also this answer which advocates, "treating all Buddhist doctrines as though they are addressing the topic of what we experience rather than what exists".

Saying "everything is just an illusion created by mind" might be a form of "wrong view", e.g. on this page the following is quoted as an example of wrong view: "There is nothing given, nothing offered, nothing sacrificed. There is no fruit or result of good or bad actions. There is no this world, no next world, no mother, no father, no spontaneously reborn beings; no brahmans or contemplatives who, faring rightly & practicing rightly, proclaim this world & the next after having directly known & realized it for themselves".

To explain it will take long long paragraph, but still not really explaining anything. To give some orientations relating to your question, first, you said "matter", what is matter? A duck, we say there is a duck (matter), it's shaped a duck-shape, yellow or green in colour, it quacks, it smells, it has soft downs, roasted duck tastes different from chicken. These are all related to our sensory organs: eyes to see (shape & colour), ears to hear (quacks), nose to smell (duck-smell), body to feel (soft downs), tongue to taste (roasted duck); and our mind to recognize all these, without these attributes, does this duck exist? Not sure, we can't say. 'Ok, but there must be something exists for I response to this to form this idea "duck"'. Then, must be the duck if it does exist existing in an absolute form you perceived? Again, we can't be sure. For instance, a colour-blind will see differently from you, at least the duck is not a green duck; further, an animal such as bat who uses sound to see, he will see a different duck, not to mention that Mr. Bat probably doesn't like the taste of roasted duck :)... so on and so forth. Now who has ever seen the "real" duck? We can't determine.
Now you say "for matter what I mean is atom", when saying atom we are still using all these attributes to describe: electrons circulating the nucleus (implied it has a form, no matter however tiny); Ok you say "I mean light", forget the scientist said light sometimes behaved like particle, it's wave, it has/hasn't substance. Well still there is space for this light to "wave", right? In your mind you still have to assume space. Now, are you sure there is space out there? The space assumed existed because you perceived objects - the empty part is space, if you cannot be definite if object exists and existed in exact you perceived them, then the space you perceived is just the negative of the object you perceived, not an absolute. For instance, we can't see air, the space we perceived are in fact not empty, it's filled with air particles, so on and so forth. Einstein said the space is "ether" (Einstein was not definite about this claim), both space and ether, if we have to look at if it existed, we have to use the attributes of our sensory categories and intellect (mind)... thus in however dissecting the "matter", we can't escape to perceive it within our the six categories or their extensions: eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind.
Now not based on our six categories and extensions we can't describe any "matter", further, if the colour-blind, bat and me could be seeing the same duck differently, the only possibility is that all of us are seeing and responding to the illusion of our own construct... that's how illusions can "form" a world. When we say "the world" we are only able to refer to the world in our mind, with thousands minds there are literally thousands "worlds", all are illusions but real to the individual mind.
It will be very complex impossible to at one step to explain all, but you asked a good question. As a student of the Dharma of Buddha with some Sutras I read, I come to realize a bit more. Currently reading Nagarjuna's 《中論》 - absolutely a sheer mind addict, I was laughing with myself like idiot, Nagarjuna has a very cool (cute :) character reflected in his employing of words and manner. I can only say, if you are interested to find the answer, you better study the Sutras. As far as I reckon, those Sutras that answer this kind of questions are mainly in Classic Chinese, not translated. If they do have translations, most of them are not satisfactory. For a translator to be able to produce accurate translation, one must first need to understand the content, not to mention if one is an adept of both languages to correctly communicate the content.
Once you understand, and in realizing the truth how all these are actually working - scientists are going at the opposite direction, then you can also be like Zeus, create anything you wish. When one is truly enlightened, he can also master the illusion; for realizing Buddha-hood, he is able to create - the Pureland of Utmost Happiness is created purely by Amitabha's thinking. Unlike Zeus or Brahma, he began just like us, a normal human being. Further, he spent kalpas of eons to know about the most beautiful and "acquire" the beauty of beauty to create his pureland. Thus it's praised much by Buddha Shakyamuni, encouraging us to try getting a "visa" ;). Nagarjuna left planet Earth (Samsara) for there, it's not sure whether he is a citizen of Utmost Happiness just traveled here for assignment, or whether he has new assignment not staying at Utmost currently. : /
~~~~~
To not be confused is that when I say '"Amitabha's thinking" created the pureland', it's not the same as those understanding Brahma or Zeus creates by thinking. In here Amitabha is more like a great artist who does a splendid painting, and the raw material (matter) is - if you insist there must be "matter" there, conventionally called Emptiness - for it's not a "matter" as our human mind can discern, but it has attributes that we can see in phenomenal world, such as the 4 Greats: earth, water, fire, wind. To make you even getting more at this "creation and matter" contemplation, that this world is created by us too - a collective thinking result, in brief. 'If so why can't I now create an ice-cream by thinking?' Because you don't know how these are in working we can't master the result; further, because of ignorance this ability can't be fully realized, thus we create it blindly, like an unskilled artist doing a very unsatisfactory painting. Now you may see a bit more into how illusion can exist as real, how we are treating like it really does matter there is "matter", on Emptiness. Last, Emptiness is emptiness, so it doesn't need any/anyone-to-do-the creation. :D ~~

Buddhism does not state the external world of forms, such as the earth, is an illusion created by mind. For example:

It would be better for the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person to hold to the body composed of the four great elements, rather than the
  mind, as the self. Why is that? Because this body composed of the four
  great elements is seen standing for a year, two years, three, four,
  five, ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, a hundred years or more. But
  what's called 'mind,' 'intellect,' or 'consciousness' by day and by
  night arises as one thing and ceases as another.
SN 12.61

Instead, what is an illusion is the mind & particularly the perceptions & thought constructions of the mind.

Now suppose that in the last month of the hot season a mirage were shimmering, and a man with good eyesight were to see it, observe it, &
  appropriately examine it. To him — seeing it, observing it, &
  appropriately examining it — it would appear empty, void, without
  substance: for what substance would there be in a mirage? In the same
  way, a monk sees, observes, & appropriately examines any perception
  that is past, future, or present; internal or external; blatant or
  subtle; common or sublime; far or near. To him — seeing it, observing
  it, & appropriately examining it — it would appear empty, void,
  without substance: for what substance would there be in perception?
SN 22.95

Matter is not created by consciousness. Instead, consciousness is created from matter.

Mind-and-matter (nama-and-rupa) is the cause and condition for the manifestation of the consciousness aggregate.
SN 22.82

It's good, monks, that you understand the Dhamma taught by me in this way, for in many ways I have said of dependently co-arisen
  consciousness, 'Apart from a requisite condition, there is no
  coming-into-play of consciousness.'
Consciousness, monks, is classified simply by the requisite condition in dependence on which it arises. Consciousness that arises in
  dependence on the eye & forms is classified simply as
  eye-consciousness. Consciousness that arises in dependence on the ear
  & sounds is classified simply as ear-consciousness. Consciousness that
  arises in dependence on the nose & aromas is classified simply as
  nose-consciousness. Consciousness that arises in dependence on the
  tongue & flavors is classified simply as tongue-consciousness.
  Consciousness that arises in dependence on the body & tactile
  sensations is classified simply as body-consciousness. Consciousness
  that arises in dependence on the intellect & ideas is classified
  simply as intellect-consciousness.
MN 38

If matter is just an illusion what is the source of it

The source cannot be found. One has to become a fully enlightened Buddha to be able to gain knowledge about its origin.
Physical matter is not an illusion but rather like an illusion as it is empty of solidity, permanence.
It exists in context of our experience.
In reality what is percieved as matter is really just the sensitive quality of the eye connecting with its corresponding object, i.e. light, visible forms, which allows eye-consciousness to arise. It's just an impersonal process.
This in turn gives rise to a mind-door process, a reflective process of what has been just been seen. The process can be stopped before the mind-door process begins, by guarding the sense doors, i.e. by noting the seeing, thereby keeping the mind in the present moment, free from judgements, extrapolations, liking, disliking of the object.
The very idea that we live in a 3-dimensional world is just an extrapolation, an interpretation, a mental formation belonging to the 4th aggregate of mental formations - these too are subject to the three characteristics of impermanence, unsatisfactoriness and uncontrollability that defines all conditioned phenomena.
What exists is experience. Right now I can see the computer I'm using to write this post. There is definitely a seeing going on. But there is no seer. The idea of a "seer or an I" is just a mental formation.

How do mind creates it?

Its a complex process but it is visible and verifiable through the practice of insight meditation. By observing the mind with objectivity one can see how it works. When non-interference is present the mind will reveal its mechanics to the observer.
The problem arises when one is not mindful of a sense object impinching on the sense doors, e.g. the "idea of a 3-dimensional world".
When one is not mindful of a sense object the mind will only for a brief moment apprehend the true nature of the object whereafter it begins a cognitive process of mental fabrication in order to try to grasp the object. The mind will take the "raw material" of the object and thereafter bring forth subjective concepts and ideas about the object.
The mind then weaves together all these different concepts into more complex structures. These are embellishments fabricated by the mind and does not belong to the object. They are added to it.
It's the mind superimposing qualities onto the object. This process of fabrication is fueled by the underlying latent defilements. The end result is an object which is now covered with a thick layer of mind-generated ideas and qualities. The original object is now hidden in a dense layer of subjective extrapolations that hides its true nature.
As mentioned earlier this subjective process can be avoided by guarding the sense-doors. The key is practice instead of intellectualization.
The Buddha was often asked questions such as whether or not the world was finite or infinite. When asked such questions he always brought the questioner back to practice.

Certain subjects are declared to be imponderable by the Buddha:
1) range of powers of a Buddha
2) range of powers obtained while absorbed in jhana
3) precise working out of the results of karma
4) speculation about the origin (the first moment, purpose, etc.) of the cosmos
The -origin of matter- question seems like it probably is the fourth imponderable.*
WHY TEACHERS WON'T ANSWER QUESTIONS
Beginning meditators start with simple concepts but too often we want to leap ahead and open the Christmas presents before Christmas, so to speak.
Wrong view in the path is like when the meditator believes they already understand "Sila" and "Dana"  and what seems most useful , to this certain student, is to learn the juicy bits... the exotic stuff, like anatta and Dependant Origination. This is a wrong view festival.
The reason why teachers don't explain certain advanced concepts is because most likely an intellectual understanding leaves too much room for interpretation so that there is too much danger that the student will develop  wrong view.
Your mindful experience is what will teach you. If you are a practicioner, it's best to get a good teacher that can really give you the right information at the right time that you need it.

THE FOUR IMPONDERABLES:

http://buddhist-spirituality.com/suffering-end/the-eightfold-path/right-thought/four-imponderables

In the Buddha Dhamma, the human being is an impersonal combination of ever-changing mind and matter. In the flux is found no unchanging soul or eternal principle. The self or soul is then a piece of fiction invented by the human mind. To believe in such an absurdity is to create another source of unhappiness. One should therefore see oneself as one truly is — a conflux of mind and matter energized by tanha or craving, containing immense possibilities for both good and evil, neither overestimating nor underestimating one's capacities and capabilities.
Aggregate of Matter or Form (Rupa) corresponds with material or physical factors. It includes not only our own bodies, but also the material objects that surround us – the earth, the oceans, the trees, the buildings, and so forth.
Specifically, the aggregate of form includes the five physical sense organs and the corresponding physical objects of the sense organs. These are the eyes and visible objects, the ears and sound, the nose and smell, the tongue and taste, and the skin and tangible objects. Mindfulness, which puts full attention on the movements and the characteristics of the body, can eventually see with clarity that the body is nothing but a conglomeration of parts. Mindfulness of this will help one to lose some of one’s attachment and ego illusion about the body.
To get to know “Nama-Rupa”, and the ‘fiver skandhas”  the following dialogues between King Milinda and Arahant Nagasena is helpful.
Venerable Sir, what is ‘rupa’ and what is ‘nama’? Why do they generate together?

Dear king, ‘Namarupa’  means mentality & materiality.   Mentality (mind & thoughts) is ‘nama’. Materiality (the four great elements ‘Patavi’, ‘Apo’, ‘Thejo’, ‘Vayo’ which are transitory and the material form derived from them) is ‘Rupa’. ‘Nama’ and ‘rupa’ are linked together like flowers and their scent. They are born together. This phenomenon has been there for a long time.

Venerable Sir, what does conceive as the birth?

Dear King, ‘Namarupa’  (psychological elements of the human person & physical body / Mentality & materiality) conceive as the birth. The body & mind we have at present would never be reborn. Because of the results of good and bad deeds (Karma Vipaka) which we have done using our mind and body, another ‘Namarupa’  (psychological elements of the human person & physical body) is conceived.

Venerable Sir, is it the materiality or form (Rupa) which is Nagasena? Is it the feeling or sense (Vedana) (pleasure, pain or the absence of the either) which is Nagasena? Is it cognitive perception (Sanna) ( awareness of colour, shape, sound, smell, taste & touch) which is Nagasena? Is it volition or mental formation (Sankhara) (habitual actions like greed, hatred, generosity, kindness…etc) which is Nagasena? Is it consciousness (Vinnana) (all the mental faculties pertaining to perception & experience) which is Nagasena?

None dear king.

Venerable Sir, Then is it the five aggregates (Rupa, vedana, sanna, sankhara,  vinnana) which is Nagasena?

No dear king.

Then, who is Nagasena?

Dear King, you came here by a chariot. Do you call the compartment the chariot? Or, do you call the roof the chariot? Is the cart wheel or the beam the chariot ? Is the axle the chariot ? Is the bridle the chariot ?

No Venerable Sir.

Dear king, when the compartment, the roof, cart wheels, the beam, the axle and the bridle is combined, it is called the chariot. If it is dismantled and heaped, nobody would call it a chariot.
Similarly, when my hair, teeth, nail, skin, flesh & bones are together, it is called Nagasena. When the five aggregates are together, it is called Nagasena. But, in reality, there is no such person.
Our Great Buddha said thus to Bhikkuni Vajira : “In the manner, that a chariot is called a chariot when the cart wheels, compartment, axle, beam, etc. are combined; a being is called thus when the five aggregates (the Five Skandhas)are merged. ”

King Milinda was very happy about the explanation and thanked Venerable Nagasena.


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My short story with anxiety problems - could meditation be the cause?
My background is that my father was/is an alcoholic and I had pretty rough childhood. I recently turned 33. I always was pretty self aware. I have a good job. I’m easy going open person, have a bunch of friends, but in spite of that there are often times when I feel really lonely. I always had this anxiety/fear shadow on my shoulder, usually visiting me while I was walking street alone, or commuting. I got divorced 3 years ago and after some “rebound/reset” period and couple of toxic relationships decided to get my head straight. Wanted to end the family script of going into toxic relationships and then getting divorced again. That’s why I decided to start meditating.
My journey with meditation began a little more than a year ago. Since then I’ve been meditating almost every day for about 15-20 mins (usually in the morning). I’ve been using one of the more popular apps on the market to guide me through this process, and never had a real life teacher. It’s a standard practice of body scanning, and then observing the breath (+ sometimes some noting/visualisation techniques). I feel that I’m still a beginner in all of this and barely scratched the surface. I started reading “Mindfulness with breathing” by Buddhadasa Bhikkhu but after the first steps the rest is hard for me to understand.
During that year of meditation I gradually got calmer, gained a bigger distance to myself, stopped drinking so much, my empathy and understanding towards others grew. I stopped partying so much (realized it’s meaningless). I pretty much resigned from part of my activities that I noticed had bad motivation underneath.
Seems great, and I’m really greatful for all of this, but recently some dark thoughts began to cloud my mind (thoughts like ‘will I always be alone?’, ‘what if everyone turn their back on me?’). I’m not sure what’s the cause and I’m afraid that my meditation had something to do with it.
Recently during the weekend I had a big panic attack while in the pub with my friend. I quickly got home and realized that I can’t go to work on monday cause I’m too scared of walking the street… I wrote to my boss that I’m sick and I had to work remotely. I even thought about quitting my job on the spot, I couldn’t imagine walking to work again. I still continued my practice. When I finally went out to get to work (just couldn’t give up), the whole journey was a nightmare. I couldn’t stop thinking about the imminent danger. When I walk, the bad thoughts start to arise I try not to repress them, but see them, observe, accept, and get back to the breath. I have to do this almost every 30 sek, cause they keep coming back.
It helps when I occupy my mind with other thoughts.
But whenever I bring my mind to present moment the anxiety kicks in and I start having this panic attacks again.
I have a feeling that by practicing the meditation I dig up something buried very deep inside me and now it messes up my mind. I know I couldn’t handle it alone, so I went to psychiatrist and got some meds to help me during this period. I will begin the therapy shortly.
My question is, should I quit meditating? is that bad for me because of my childhood experiences? am I doing something wrong?
Best regards,
Robert

Pleased to meet you Robert.
It is very difficult to answer your question precisely however it is certainly likely/probable that practicing the meditation & the accompanying mental solitude is digging/bringing up something (i.e., a disposition or mental tendency) buried deep inside your mind.
I doubt you are doing anything wrong. As said, the mental solitude & quietude of meditation will bring things up, including existential fear. This is generally related to the ego diminishing, which in the beginning will generally be somewhat traumatic.
Even when the mind becomes increasingly calm, such as from Anapanasati, a certain threshold of calmness may threaten the (conditioned) ego, resulting in fear arising.
Such fear may not be explicitly related to your personal childhood experiences because such existential fear is a normal event when "crossing-over". Some meditators use an old Christian mysticism phrase for this existential fear, namely, 'Dark Night of the Soul'.
However, that your mind projects this existential fear into ideas of being abandoned by people may possibly relate to your childhood experiences & underlying fear of aloneness.
I offer the following suggestions:

Quit meditating.
Do the therapy, which is hopefully a kind of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) where you learn to rationally reflect/think that there is nothing to fear. This is similar to the Buddhist technique called 'wise reflection' ('yoniso manasikara').
If you decide to meditate again, meditate at a good competent Dharma centre with a group of people. I always recommend meditating with others is the best way to start meditation. The group vibe is helpful to reduce or remove anxiety. Also, hopefully meeting trustworthy reliable friends provides a necessary social support.
Do not use recorded guided meditations when alone because these can take the mind deeper than the mind is prepared for. In general, avoid all guided meditations (including in Dharma centres) that go beyond the mere basics of letting go of thoughts & observing the breathing. Any guided meditation that seeks to diminish the ego or observe emptiness, space or clear light should be avoided.

thank you very much @Dhammadhatu. I already feel somehow relieved by what you wrote. I'll definitely follow your suggestions.

@Robert thank you for asking a question. Your meditation sounded like it was bringing the results as intended; before it found a sensitive place. As I posted, if you wish to live a more spiritual life, attending (good) dharma groups can help a lot. Here, you learn there is a different community out there. It can change your perspectives. Kind regards & my best wishes. May you get through & overcome this unnecessary anxiety.

I must say that I had a similar experience at one point of my meditation/mindfulness development. Personally, meditation opens my mind and makes me more aware of feelings and thoughts. The awareness is the first step toward resolution if those thoughts and emotions are negative. But there is a big step between realizing the presence of negative thoughts and resolving what is underlying and causing them. Between those two islands are the waters that must be navigated to not be engulfed by the immediate negativity.
It seems that you do have some deep childhood experiences which can be motivating dark feelings. The mediation practice has brought the effect of these experiences to the surface. Perhaps this is your cue to finally address the experiences that have been troubling you for a long time, either consciously or sub-consciously.
My father too was an alcoholic. This fact about your past does not need to become a part of your identity. For me meditation was very valuable in disconnecting myself from the ties I felt to this part of my past and how I felt they should affect me. However rather than simply observing my thoughts in meditation, I pointed them where I wanted them to go - compassion and love for others and myself.
I do not dare to give advice on how to continue with your meditation practice, just wanted to share my experience and hope that you can draw some parallels to your story.

Hi Chris and welcome to Buddhism SE. We also have a Help Center with useful resources that you might like. Enjoy your time here.

thank you for sharing @ChrisKoran, it's nice to know that someone with similar problems made it through :)

It helps when I occupy my mind with other thoughts. But whenever I bring my mind to present moment the anxiety kicks in and I start having this panic attacks again.
I heard that one of the types of therapy, which are taught to people to help manage panic attacks, is to come back to the present.
For example someone might be alone having a shower, and have a PTSD flash-back or panic attack, where they're afraid of being attacked by someone (again). A "mindfulness" or meditation-like counter-measure is to be aware of the present (moments): for example the sensation (touch) of the water, and of the floor they're standing on.
I think these (present-moment) sensations might be the subject with which "I occupy my mind with other thoughts"; and which (being conscious of one thought at a time) replace the panicky thoughts.
There are other mental phenomena beyond (physical, tactile, visual) sensations: for example the mind creates feelings ("how do I feel about this?"), theories ("I am", "I am this way because etc."), cravings ("I want"), attachments ("I want something in particular"), etc.
Perhaps the specific type of "bring my mind to present moment" that is less panic-inducing is to concentrate on sensations, instead of thinking about the theories, desires, attachments, and on.
Maybe that's what you do already when you "get back to the breath".
My question is, should I quit meditating? is that bad for me because of my childhood experiences? am I doing something wrong?
On the subject of "doing something wrong (or right)", sometimes people say there are three parts to Buddhism, of which meditation is one; and that it's important to get the sila (virtue) aspect of your life in order, and that if you don't then meditation may be more troubled.
So examples of Sila might include, for example, avoiding alcohol, having good-will towards others, making good (or wise) friends and learning from them (or learning from their good example), being harmless, being kind, and so on.
My background is that my father was/is an alcoholic and I had pretty rough childhood.
You started by saying you're troubled by alcohol in the family. I personally found that visiting with Al Anon was surprisingly helpful to get some perspective on that: hearing other people's stories. I can't tell you what Buddhist-specific equivalents to Al Anon might exist where you are. Google might find something, for example http://www.buddhistrecovery.org/ lists meetings and blogs and so on.
You might also find some of the answers on this site helpful, for example this one or this one.

thank you for your input @ChrisW. I'll work on those other two parts of Buddhism. :)

Allow me to share my part. Since i have a few panic attacks myself..and i also do meditation.
First, lets understand that anxiety or feeling anxiety is a mental illness at a different platform. (Not crazy or so). In scientific, the brain lack of some crucial vitamins or minerals..such as inositol or some other thing else. These can be replenish thru appropriate diet...but note that it can be leaked thru various reason...celiac....gluton....alcohol..excessive sweating....people may disagree because the question is why sometime one won't feel anxiety only at certain incident....so my question is...do you know what vitamins or mineral is missing from your body on a particular day? People with anxiety problem can't stop themselves from the excessive thinking or non stop thinking...is a medical condition but is not becos of "think too much". I know it because i have it. There are times when my body condition is good and when i try to think some bad event in the past but the thoughts just stop and it just choose to ignore those bad things easily.
But there are times when the body condition is no good...some past bad events just pop up of" no where" and without mindfulness....we just keep dwelling non stop ( and this is where meditation practise came in handly which i will explain later on)....to the extend that we do silly thing that impact our life....
So this is a medical condition that need medical help...and to exercise moderately without sweating too much...take good care of your guts and make sure u got what is missing from your guts...you must kick alcohol out of your life...not only it causes mineral leaked out of you...it is damaging your liver which regulate the mood.i would advise some vitamins instead of medical drug....
Meditation is a practise to train the brain to stabalise. And it may need a long term practise before one could understand how feeling arised and how to stop them.
And without a good foundation in meditation, it is difficult to attain peace when you are having anxiety problem.
Meditation correctly "train" you to be "aware" of "present".  It should be able to tell you " i am feeling nervous now...and this is due to xxx xxx. So you start acknowledging in your heart and mind...saying in your mind... ....anxiety...anxiety....anxiety....many many times until your brain feels numb and tired"..(do not think about any event at this points. Focus on "saying" anxiety..anxiety..)...then it should go away for a while...but at this time normally i will pop in a mutli b complex vitamin  as i know that something is missing from my guts...causing me to spirl into anxiety easily..and in just 10 -15 mins every would be fine...
How to meditate?.
The basic sitting comfortably....take few deep breathe until the body relaxed....then start to focus on your stomach area. Two inches above the navel.....chant this in your mind......when the stomach inflated...say "rising"...when the stomach deflated...says "falling".
With the "zing" end at highest point....and "ling" end at lowest point.
When you feel itchy...focus the consciousness at the place...keep saying....itchy...itchy....a lot of time until it go away...it will if you are focus enough...likewise for numbness, pain  etc...it will keep coming back and you just need to attack this phenomenom..and sometime you basically spend half to one hr doing so and you find that you failed to attain peace....the truth is...you are training in your mind to be focus and in long term...it will be easy and helpful. Yet sometime your body is very cooperative and easily you will go into a calm state..a bit like sleepiness but not so, your breathing will automatically be very shallow...you will realise your mind is not thinking at all....a elementary peacefulness or calmness...and if you are lucky....you will go into a state call "deep absorption" when your senses is all closed....where you can't hear any noise at all...can't feel anything.. you will find that you are in a dark space without anything...no movement...no nothing....no sense of time....but you are aware that you are conscious....lets skip this for further discussion.
What about thoughts? When thoughts arised...shift your focusing to the centre of your rib..at the triangle meeting point....keep saying in your heart too...thinking..thinking...thinking....until it goes away...sometimes it is difficult....and sometimes it keep coming back..just keep doing it....it will become a habit and you will be able to tackle it quick and move on...
Take note of feeling too...in every session of meditation....our feeling and mental stage is different....thus we need to know we are frustrated, boring, exciting or anything else...and using the same method of reciting again and again until it goes away...as i say...sometime u end up sitting frustrating and no peace at all....don't worry....just know that your brain is practise focusing....
A quiet place is needed for beginner. So that you one less obstacle to attain to....
Some dont understand the real feeling of calmness and peacefulness...choose one meal time at home with no people disturbing....choose a food easy to eat....just need a spoon...
Bring the foods into your mouth..close your eye...shift your focus to the side of your mouth where the teeth is biting...concentrate on the biting and the food...keep watch of the bite...keep notice the food become smaller and smaller...keep watching until you swallow the food...watch out your tongue move..after you do a few times...you will find your brain goes into a calm stage..your eye will become lazy....you will become slow and calm.......do it very very slowly...as if you are a small living thing in your mouth...this method rip faster result for calmness...but the calmness it short too....
Wisdom will arise through constant and diligent practice of correct meditation...i can't explain this wisdom....i am not intelligent....but a lot of answer will just pop to me whenever i have a question in my mind....in some occasion it allow me to see problem in as if it is slow motion and and i can point out the problem easily.....i know its happening.....its very different from know how to solve a math question easily...or maybe it is the same...

Good answer by Dhammadhatu. In addition, Robert, I suggest that you practise loving kindness or metta and also other the other Brahmaviharas like compassion and empathetic joy, instead of the mindfulness of breathing. Metta and the Brahmaviharas should invoke positive emotions within you that could replace the negative thoughts and bring about a positive feeling about yourself.
You can find the expression of Metta in the Karaniya Metta Sutta which I will quote below. The Mettanisamsa Sutta states that among the benefits of practising Metta is that one sleeps in comfort, one wakes up in comfort, his mind can concentrate quickly and his countenance is serene.
Happy, at rest, may all beings be happy at heart.
Whatever beings there may be, weak or strong,
without exception, long, large, middling, short,
subtle, blatant, seen & unseen, near & far,
born & seeking birth:
May all beings be happy at heart.

Let no one deceive another or despise anyone anywhere,
or through anger or irritation wish for another to suffer.

As a mother would risk her life to protect her child,
her only child, even so should one cultivate a limitless heart
with regard to all beings.
With good will for the entire cosmos,
cultivate a limitless heart:

Above, below, & all around, unobstructed,
without enmity or hate.
Whether standing, walking, sitting, or lying down,
as long as one is alert,
one should be resolved on this mindfulness.


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what is logic behind rebirth
I was listening to this video, from Bhante Vimalaramsi. He says that one meditator experienced his past live and he had some pscotherapy before this. How is that possible?
Buddhist talk about mind stream which flows to another body when a body dies, well what is this mind stream? This is the conciousness right? Is that some kind of emf waves or similar to wave which science hasn't descovered yet?

Might this be a duplicate of one of the 150 other existing question tagged [tag:rebirth]? And, could you please say where (when) in the video contains the quote you're asking about? Also is "mind stream which flows to another body" in the video, or is that from a different source?

well mind stream name is from another source but the rebirth is at that video i'll put the time of that after i find that.

You won't find one single answer which covers all traditions. Different Buddhist traditions have different interpretations of the mechanism of rebirth.
I think you are looking for something material which facilitates a movement of something from one life to the next. However, Buddhism doesn't require that the world governed by materialism. We can consider a world which is entirely driven by mental ideas or "the mind" as we call it.
Buddhists are not in agreement about how the world exists, some would say that the world doesn't exist. If you consider one of these traditions then you have to ask if it even makes sense for something to move from one body to the next life's body. Bodies can also be considered as being entirely constructed by the mind. Yogachara is an example of a Buddhist tradition which is "mind-only".

As per my understanding of Buddhism & Science all things that exist in the universe is made up of matter & energy. The energy that is found in any animal is generally referred to as the soul. The body we carry is made up of matter.
According to the teachings of lord Buddha which is what now discovered by scientists as quantum mechanics is, that every thought & action we do releases a positive or negative energy to the universe. It then creates a set of possible futures that can happen. This will be following us till we reach enlightment.
The process that happens to us at death is similar to what happens when we change clothes. The body we possess is similar to a cloth.  As soon as we (the soul) leaves this body, it'll get hold of another body. This body that we get hold of is determined by the possitive & negative forces that we have released to the universe in our previous life.

Hello and welcome to Buddhism SE. A soul or an enduring entity it not a part of the Buddhas teaching. What exactly do you mean mentionen the word Soul on in a buddhist context?

I used the word soul only for the ease of answering the question. On the contex of the present or absense of the soul Lord Buddha has chanted that it neither exist nor not exist. Anyway Lord Buddha has chanted that there is a winyana that transfers from one body to another until we attain nibbana.

It is Kamma, rooted in ignorance and craving, that conditions rebirth. This life-stream flows ad infinitum, as long as it is fed by the muddy waters of ignorance and craving. When these two are completely cut off, then only, if one so wishes, does the stream cease to flow, rebirth ends as in the case of the Buddhas and Arahats. The most valuable evidence Buddhists cite in favor of rebirth is the Buddha, for He developed a knowledge which enabled Him to read past and future lives.
The Right View on Rebirth is explained in the famous Buddhist book “Milindaparsna” which contains a long dialogue between the Greek king Minander I and Arhat Nagasena.

Miln III.5.5: Transmigration and Rebirth (Miln 71)
  The king asked: "Venerable Nagasena, is it so that one does not transmigrate and one is reborn?"
  "Yes, your majesty, one does not transmigrate and one is reborn."
  "How, venerable Nagasena, is it that one does not transmigrate and one is reborn? Give me an analogy."
  "Just as, your majesty, if someone kindled one lamp from another, is it indeed so, your majesty, that the lamp would transmigrate from the other lamp?"
  "Certainly not, venerable sir."
  "Indeed just so, your majesty, one does not transmigrate and one is reborn."

As per the scriptures, a being is a stream of Mind connected ‘ Nama-Rupa’. When a person dies, no soul departs. The stream of consciousness ( viññana) upon death, becomes one of the contributing causes for the arising of a new set of five aggregates of clinging (Panca Upadana Khandas)  elsewhere.  In the Attakara sutta, you will find that you do exist. But there is no permanent self in you and the five clinging aggregates (panca upadanakkanda) which constitutes you is beyond your control, and therefore Anatta (non-self). (read  Anatta Lakkana Sutta).
A Stream Entrant is incapable of actions of craving and hatred that will definitively lead to rebirth in the four states of misery (Hell, Asura, Hungry Ghost and Animal realms), but the remaining gross craving and hatred is only eradicated when one becomes a Once-Returner; subtle craving and hatred are eliminated for the Non-Returner.


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What is initial thought and discursive thought
I am learning the 8 jhanas. And in the book im reading it states the five factors of possession are opposed of the 5 hindrance. What are initial thought and discursive thought? I can't find a definiton.

Ordinarily, when unrelated to jhana, the words 'vitakka' & 'vicara' simply mean 'thought', 'thinking' & 'thinking about'. For example, MN 19 is about 'two kinds of thinking'; MN 20 is about distracting thoughts &, in MN 44, 'vitakka' & 'vicara' are called the 'verbal conditioner' because they cause speech to occur, as follows:

Having first directed one's thoughts and made an evaluation, one then breaks out into speech. That's why directed thought & evaluation are
  verbal fabricators. MN 44

In the context of jhana, the words 'vitakka' & 'vicara' have a different & special meaning. Here, they do not refer to ordinary verbal thinking but to non-verbal movements of mind that finalise the attainment of & maintain the 1st jhana.
In respect to the attainment of the 1st jhana, 'vitakka & vicara' refer to 'applied & sustained thought', where the mind itself (rather than volitional intention) applies itself to bring to fruition the 1st first jhana. As said, these movements of mind are beyond the scope of ordinary volition.
Once the 1st jhana comes to be, 'vitakka & vicara' refer to 'directed thought & pondering / exploring / moving about ', where part of the mind itself remains active in examining & responding to its own response to the jhana factors (such as rapture), to ensure the jhana is maintained.
As stated in SN 48.10, jhana is born from 'letting go' ('vossagga'). Thus, 'vitakka & vicara' ('directed thought & pondering') operate in the 1st jhana to ensure the letting go & thus the jhana factors are maintained. Refer to Ajahn Brahm's explanation, here, about the "wobble".

There are many subtle different explanations of vitakka & vicara in respect to the 1st jhana. For example, the monk Thanissaro has translated with the words 'directed thought & evaluation'; and Buddhadasa had translated (from Thai) with the words 'noting' & 'experiencing' (here) and 'looking at' & 'knowing thoroughly' (here).
I personally prefer Ajahn Brahm's explanation because the existence of vitakka & vicara in the 1st jhana simply indicate the mind is not completely still, despite its attainment of 'one-pointedness'.
I also like Jeffrey Brooks summation as "sustained application of a meditation technique" (namely, the now automatic technique of 'letting go' ) but I do not agree with Jeffrey's translation of 'sustained attention' because the mind has 'attention' in every jhana:

The correct translation of the Pali terms 'vitakka' and 'vicára,' with respect to the absorptions (jhanas), must be "applied and
  sustained attention" or "sustained application" of a meditation
  technique."
Jeffrey Brooks

'One-pointedness' refers to the mind becoming unmovingly glued to a mental image ('nimitta'), which has arisen to replace the totally tranquilised breath as the object of meditation. This 'one-pointedness' can be compared to an axle upon which a wheel becomes fixed to. Although the wheel is fixed to the axle and cannot move off the axle, the wheel can still spin around the axle.
Similarly, although the mind is fixed or unmoving due to one-pointedness (which also results in ordinary volition ending), the mind itself can still actively move towards & away from the other factors of jhana. These movements of mind that sustain the meditation are 'vitakka & vicara'.

In conclusion, understanding what 'vitakka & vicara' are as factors of jhana will not assist in the attainment of jhana because these factors of jhana occur beyond the sphere of ordinary volition, as Ajahn Brahm has explained.
For example, in the preliminary development leading to jhana, a more primitive 'vitakka & vicara' refers to the volitional activity that keeps 'letting go'; that keeps wilfully non-attaching. But once jhana is reached, ordinary volition falls away and a new 'automatic volition' arises.

The standard for up- and down- voting on this site is very low: usefulness. I found this useful. Someone else didn't, but why? I would find something "not useful" if I didn't understand it, but that doesn't mean it is not useful in itself. Is voting a popularity contest? Perhaps not understanding something makes it the most useful thing of all: what on earth does it mean? becomes the question. If you already know something, then to yourself, that makes it useless. Paradox. Nothing is useful in itself.

Probably because I used the translation "'verbal conditioner"/"verbal fabricator". Many Buddhists, without reflection on reality, believe the term "vaci sankhara" means "verbal condition" or "verbal fabrication" because the Sri Lankan based translators like Bhikkhu Bodhi use this illogical translation. As stated in MN 44, vitakka & vicara (thinking) are the cause of speech; therefore, logically, thinking is not the verbal fabrication (namely, speech itself) but the verbal fabricator (the creator of speech).

Thank you, not sure I completely grasp the explanation, but this is the kind of argument over words and concepts that I would like to help people get beyond. When one can see how the mind works, things get very interesting. Until then, there is lots of misunderstanding. I love your phrase "movements of mind". They can help or hinder.

But they are not movements of 'verbal' thought. They are just movements of the sub-verbal mind substance; such as, for example, when the mind moves towards a painful sensation in the foot.

I will try to improve my answer.

Ok. I just changed my answer from the original two sentence answer to the long answer, above.

Very nice. I am currently researching the distinction between conscious / verbal thought and feeling / nonverbal thought, and how volition fits in. You have explained aspects of the teachings that I have not delved into. I think that one has to be familiar from experience for them to mean anything, until then it is just words about words. After, it is words about words. Oh well, we have to start somewhere.

It is a very good question that you asked @DeusIIXII, regarding initial thought and discursive thought. In Pali it is Vitakka-Vicāra: It is good to know about 'thought-conception and discursive thinking', both within Jhana and outside of it. Within the context Jhana, only in the first Jhana it comes as one of the five factors. The five factors are…  Initial application (vitakka), sustained application/ discursive thought (vicara), joy (piti), happiness (sukha), and one-pointedness (ekaggata). The second Jhana has the three factors of piti, sukha, and ekaggata. The third Jhana has the two factors of sukha and ekaggata. If you want to refer to a Sutta:

SD 24.11 _ Pathama Jhana Pañha Sutta or (Savitakka) Pathama Jhana Sutta. Progressing in the 1st dhyana.
  SD24.12a _ Dutiya Jhana Pañha Sutta or (Avitakka) Dutiya Jhana Sutta. Progressing in 2nd dhyana.

The key-note of Buddhism is this right understanding. Clear vision of the four noble truths or right understanding leads to clear thinking, samma samkappa. Thoughts or samkappa always comes in the form of a seed conception, or first idea, or initial thought -is meant the vitakka mental state. A mind intent only on issues related to the breath, not pulling any other objects in to interfere, until the breath is refined, giving rise to fixed absorption and then liberating insight: This is Right Concentration. Also this act of thinking through of the initial idea of breath is Vicāra. So Here the breath is the vitakka, the initial thought. To adjust the breath and let it spread, is really thinking called vicara, evaluation.
Outside of meditation try to understand it this way.
Sankharas are the kammically active volitions responsible for generating rebirth and thus for sustaining the onward movement of samsara, the round of birth and death. In this context sankhara is virtually synonymous with kamma.  Sankharas  in dependent origination is put into three types: bodily (inhalation and exhalation), verbal ( Vitakka-vicāra: 'thought-conception and discursive thinking'), and mental [feeling (vedanā) · perception (sañña) ]. Sankharas are divided into the meritorious and demeritorious. Sankharas, propped up by ignorance and fueled by craving drive the stream of consciousness onward to a new mode of rebirth, where consciousness becomes established determined by the kammic character of the sankharas. With good deeds the sankharas or volitional formations will propel consciousness toward a happy sphere of rebirth, and with demeritorious deeds, the sankharas will propel consciousness toward a miserable rebirth.
If you are to take this  second of the three Sankharas …. verbal ( Vitakka-vicāra: 'thought-conception and discursive thinking'), Before one speaks aloud, there is a ‘speaking’ or contemplation that takes place internally.  The first or initial contemplation of a thought is ‘vitakka’, then we ‘think through’ or further the internal ‘speaking’. We call it consideration, or ‘vicāra’. Thus the contemplation is considered to be the vitakka/vicara. Another name for it is vaci‐sankhara or verbal fabrication.  So the two basic verbal sankharas are directed thought and evaluation  - vitakka & vicara.

Interesting. I recently read where someone stated that "rebirth" actually refers to coming out of realization and returning to ego-based thinking, not a reincarnation. If so, this would be a revolution in how we understand the teachings. It makes it far more useful and relevant to me. Then there is the Christian quote: "Lest ye be born again, you cannot see the kingdom of God." Different sense of rebirth, and God for that matter. Both true...

@no comprende... Do good, be good… whether you are Buddhist or Christian.  then your bodily actions, words, your mind, intentions, aims – in short - Kamma (Sanskāra) will result in fulfilled, as desired, and pleasurable things. The reason for this?  it is like this: let’s think that a seed of sugar cane or grape was planted in a wet ground. If these seeds grow well by drawing nutrition and water from the earth, all these will result in sweet and tasty products (a heavenly re-birth). What’s the reason for that? it’s because it was a pleasant seed. - (extracted from A. N. 3rd Nipatha)

Initial thought and Sustained thought is NOT a THOUGHT.
The translation in my opinion is very misleading.I personally use the Pali Word Vitakka and Vicara.
When Jhana States arise there is no thinking.This is too gross of an activity.
The only way i can explain Vitakka-Vicara is Try lifting your arm.
Now you know that intention/will/urge...before you lifted your arm.Before you thought of lifting your arm.
Underneath thoughts.
There is a subtle movement.
Layered below thoughts.Thats Vitakka-Vicara.its like a pulling and pushing movement  when your playing with a rope,without thoughts.Before thoughts.Just instinct.That's it Basic Instinct.This is present in first Jhana.
In the second Jhana the will is removed so now its Really immovable.


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What is the Difference between Desire and Compulsion?
What is the difference between desire and compulsion? When do I know that something is a desire and when do I know that something is a compulsion?
Can there be compulsion in sexual thoughts even if I have a strong disliking about it? Can a compulsion include sexual emotions or not? And can a compulsion be created through anxiety/fear?

The word "compulsion" has English-language definitions, for example, "an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes". Is this common non-Buddhist meaning of "compulsion" what you're asking about in this question, or is "compulsion" a word (translated from another language) that you read in Buddhist literature? For example maybe you're asking about sankhara (e.g. here defines "a compulsive activity" as "a sankhara accompanied by ignorance"),

In Buddhism, there are wholesome/skillful & unwholesome/unskillful desires.
Unwholesome desires are called 'craving' or 'tanha', which are the 'compulsion' referred to.

Now this, bhikkhus, is the noble truth of the origin of suffering: it is this craving which leads to new becoming, accompanied by
delight and lust, seeking delight here and there; that is, craving for
sensual pleasures, craving to be, craving not-to-be.
SN 56.11

'Craving' or 'compulsion' (namely the 'lust', 'resistance' & 'ignorance' quoted below) is shown by a lack of self-control, enslavement ('fettered') & the final result of suffering when not getting or losing the object of compulsion.

It is similar with an untaught worldling: when touched by a painful (bodily) feeling, he worries and grieves, he laments, beats his breast, weeps and is distraught. So he experiences two kinds of feeling: a bodily and a mental feeling.
Having been touched by that painful feeling, he resists (and resents) it. Then in him who so resists (and resents) that painful
feeling, an underlying tendency of resistance against that painful
feeling comes to underlie (his mind). Under the impact of that painful
feeling he then proceeds to enjoy sensual happiness. And why does he
do so? An untaught worldling, O monks, does not know of any other
escape from painful feelings except the enjoyment of sensual
happiness. Then in him who enjoys sensual happiness, an underlying
tendency to lust for pleasant feelings comes to underlie (his mind).
He does not know, according to facts, the arising and ending of these
feelings, nor the gratification, the danger and the escape, connected
with these feelings. In him who lacks that knowledge, an underlying
tendency to ignorance as to neutral feelings comes to underlie (his
mind). When he experiences a pleasant feeling, a painful feeling or a
neutral feeling, he feels it as one fettered by it. Such a one, O
monks, is called an untaught worldling who is fettered by birth, by
old age, by death, by sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief and despair. He
is fettered by suffering, this I declare.
SN 36.6

Both are same qualitatively but quantitatively different. Compulsion is a strong desire which cannot be mitigated easily. Your instincts (unconscious mind) are 9/10th of you and your conscious mind is 1/10th. If you do not have sex for few months then desire will take form of compulsion. Desires especially sex, food, and social if repressed for long ends up in compulsions of various sorts. Read Sigmund Freud to understand how mental disorders originates through subjugation of id by ego.
Please refrain from liking and disliking sex or any other animal activities which is part and parcel of being human. Just watch yourself. If you are becoming hyper about food, sex etc maybe it is the lifestyle, food etc which is at fault. Just watch yourself and it will be revealed to you.

All 84,000 sections of the Dhamma are simply strategies for getting people to turn and look at the mind. The Buddha's teachings are many because people's defilements are many, and compulsions are one of the hardest to get rid of, as they are so deeply ingrained in us. To get rid of compulsions, that are very much a part of us, in having entertained them throughout our endless samsara, we have to be fully committed to this path. The path to enlightenment is not so easy. It is a path that goes against the stream. Buddha called this "Patisothagami " or going against the stream. It is just like when almost all the fish in the water are swimming with the flow while only one fish is trying hard to swim against the flow. It's not swimming against the resistance of the flow of water but also the resistance of the other fish that may impede its path.
Compulsion is a kind of desire that you have very little control of. The English word desire is a translation for either of two Pali words: tanha or chanda. Tanha means “thirst”. Tanha is a reflex, an instinct - the urge to grab and consume. Chanda can be said as “motivation.” This motivation can be either positive or negative. Chanda can refer to sense-appetites. The interest in Dhamma too is Chanda. The clear difference between chanda and tanha is that chanda is not a reflex, not an instinct and not a compulsion; it is a choice. And the main theme of Dhamma practice is to make the choices that undercut the power of instinct and compulsion. So in practice we use this positive kind of desire to undercut and eradicate the negative type of desire.
There are a range of skills, techniques and strategies in Dhamma to get rid of the compulsions type of tanha (thirst). Once we break through its hold on our lives, our mind can finally come to rest.